#i mean if someone truly understood it they would change the way they interact with me

[jonny-b-meowborn]

I know this is kinda silly and doesn't seem as serious as it is for me but it genuinely hurts me that I can't casually tell people that I'm a therian. I can't even say I'm a furry unless I'm certain I won't be judged. It's becoming an increasingly important part of my identity and I wish I could just tell people "I'm a dog btw ^-^" when I meet them the same way I can tell them I'm queer or an artist or a gamer or whatever. It's just who I am and I hate how it's not really accepted, or even understood by most people

[willowpains]

pairing: drew starkey x fem. reader!

summary: cast member reader and drew take on poguelandia

warnings: none

disclaimer: english is not my first language so I apologize for any grammar mistakes<3

the release of season 3 was just around the corner, and as a way to interact with the fans and give the new season some promotion, the obx team had decided to launch an event where fans would be able to live a pogue experience with the cast, which created a lot of anticipation in the fan community and had everyone in the world wishing they could attend, cause everyone was gonna be there to have a good time.

y/n was a little nervous, this event was a big deal, and as she arrived at the place in the back of the van with madelyn, her palms started sweating and her heart started racing. she had just joined the obx cast last season, along with carlacia, and this was going to be one of the first big interactions she was gonna have with the cast out in public as well as with the fans. she knew fans liked her character and cheered on her as an actress, but what if that was not the case when they saw her in real life? her impostor syndrome truly winning that day.

“everything ok y/n?” Madelyn asked noticing how the girl kept looking out the window as she played with her hands, a way to cope with her anxiety.

“i’m just feeling a bit nervous, that’s all. nothing to worry about” she answered seeing how the van came to a stop in a secluded area of the event.

her friend understood, to this day, she still got nervous at events, she believed it was impossible to get used to living this life and getting that much attention.

“just breathe, we’ll all be together and you’ll have a great time, trust me” Madelyn told the girl while she gave her a comforting smile. Both girls had instantly clicked since y/n joined the series, and had been glued to each other since then, they found a best friend in each other, and their love and care could be seen in and off screen.

“is drew already here?” y/n asked getting off the van and walking to where some of the crew were giving details on what they needed everyone to be doing.

just as she finished her question the tall man appeared around the corner making her smile, he was with Austin while a couple of crew members surrounded them, looking like they had just come from looking around the event, probably interacting with some fans. As drew noticed the van, he quickly began walking towards them, locking eyes with the anxious girl who relaxed immediately after seeing him approach.

“there’s my girl” he said into smile as he closed the distance between them hugging y/n to his chest, feeling her relax under his touch. “what took you guys so long?”

drew and y/n had met while filming season two of the show, and they had immediately become really good friends, best friends someone could say. they spent a lot of time in each other’s trailers, and their chemistry and the way they looked at each other was something all their friends could notice, but for some reason, it was something that both of them didn’t seem to grasp until long after they met, cause it was just before beginning to film season 3, that they couldn’t keep denying their feelings to each other, finally deciding to be together.

the only thing is, they decided to keep it private. and it’s not that they weren’t sure they loved each other, but they were scared of the reaction of the fans, so to that day, they have been trying to keep it low key, and it’s not like much changed, I mean, ever since they met they have had this bond that had fans questioning if they were more than friends, so all they had to do was keep the pda to themselves, even though they kind of fail in the attempt.

“traffic was insane, but it definitely allowed us to make our grand entrance” said Madelyn while she looked around seeing how they were the last to arrive.

drew could feel y/n’s quick heartbeat in his chest, so looking down to her he asked “is everything ok love?” while putting her hair behind her ear in a loving way.

y/n nodded slowly looking into his eyes and giving him a small smile “just a little nervous, don’t know what to expect honestly” she admitted.

Drew held her face while giving her a small peck on the lips “it’s ok to be nervous, if I’m being honest with you, on the way here my hands were dripping sweat” he said while stroking her cheek “and I’ll be next to you for as long as you need me to”

Y/n inhaled a deep breath while nodding to her boyfriend, she knew he was being serious, after all, since they started being friends and now as a couple, all drew had ever done was made her feel comfortable and secure, always giving her words of encouragement and being there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to have a laugh with.

Drew took her hand in between his and started to walk towards where the rest of the cast was hanging out, as well as where some crew members were giving directions as to what kind of content they needed to film . “Let’s take on poguelandia” y/n said with a smile.

…

After a few hours filming some content for obx’s social media, and interacting with some fans, some of the guys, along with drew and y/n decided you wanted to tag along and enjoy the music.

after your nerves and anxious thoughts had washed away after and eventful day, you let yourself enjoy the event and have fun with your friends, so after you got your drinks and arrived on the platform with the rest of the cast, you decided you were gonna enjoy the rest of the day with the people that you loved.

“feeling better already huh?” drew whispered into your ear as he stood behind you with his arm around your shoulders while he held his drink in the other hand.

you nodded while you let yourself rest your head on his chest behind you.

you two weren’t nervous about being this touchy in public, you had always been that way, which was why you always had the fans wondering if you two were friends or more than that. you had always been very comfortable around each other, and being physical with each other had felt natural from the begging, so nothing had changed about that, all you had to be careful with was no kissing in public, which was definitely hard cause it was all you two wanted to do while being around each other in the warmth of the desert.

“being around you always makes me feel better” you told him while you left a quick kiss to his arm that was still around you keeping you close to him.

drew tried to hide giddy his smile while he sipped his drink “glad to know the effect is mutual love” he answered as he rested his chin on top of your head as you both swayed together to the beat of the music playing in front of you guys.

what had started as a nerve wracking experience for you had definitely turned into one of the best days with your friends and boyfriend.

…

TikTok

*a fan video captured the two of you swaying to the beat of khalid’s music and drew had his arm around you and you rested your head on his chest*

poguelife THEY ARE ADORABLE

sarahswife can they confirm their relationship already?

holybandana stop they’re definitely dating

drewmyman they’re not together guys, they’re just friends and that’s how they’ve always acted around each other

y/ncloset all this videos of them together at poguelandia are keeping me alive

obxcharleston people said they saw them kissing a couple of times

chase4life I’m scared I don’t want them to end up like chase and maddie

twinkielover could y’all leave them alone? if they are or aren’t together is none of our business, LET THEM BE

hourlyrafe MY FAVORITE PEOPLE

*so I had been wanting to write something for drew because he just lives in my mind rent free, first blurb I write in here so I’m not sure is any good, but I did enjoy writing a lot!

[buckys-little-belle]

Mafia Au (Part Two)

Settling in

Mafia!Stucky x Little!Reader (They/Them pronouns used)

Warnings - Sad reader, Rumlow is still mentioned, this won't make sense if you don't read the previous chapter, reader changes into their pajamas and the boys help them, reader is afraid of the dark? Me too!

Notes - This is ... This is a shortish fic, but at the same time I really needed some good fluff from the boys, so hehehehe, please enjoy. also half and half a filler fic, half a real fic, it’s just very domestic and not totally going to be sooo important to the story line, it’s just, it’s a fun read i guess.

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW.

+ + + + + +

Steve and Bucky's so called 'home' was huge, the outside grand, and bright, even at night, the driveway lit up, the front door in the center seemingly glowing. "We're home Dove." Steve said as he turned in his seat to look back at them, their face between awe and shock, the home look so much more inviting than any house they had ever seen, and looked in much better shape than anywhere they had stayed before. "Dove?" Steve called again.

"I's huge." They said, their eyes never leaving the ivory walls and warm wood fixtures. "Like really huge." Dove now looked at the two men in the front seat, anticipation written on their features.

"A lot of the house if office space." Bucky explained. "The area we call home is pretty cozy." He had a smirk on his face, enjoying the way Dove nodded their head as if they truly understood his words.

"Do you want to go inside?" Steve asked smirking as well, excited to show someone their home, someone who would also call it home.

"Mhm." Dove nodded, trying to unbuckle their seatbelt as the two men got out of the vehicle, their door opening up as large hands came to undo the hard to understand buckle that locked them in. "Thanks." They mumbled, worried that their lack of independence would hinder their value, just like it did with their brother. 2

"What's wrong Dove?" Bucky asked as he helped them out of the vehicle, a small frown etched on their face.

"'m jus' scared." They sighed, Steve and Bucky both waiting for them to continue. "I know you are both nice, I jus', I don' want to be bad." Their past fear of no Tv, or necessities being taken away kept creeping in, gnawing at the comfort they felt around their two new caregivers.

Steve held in a sigh of anger, wanting to make Brock pay for the way Y/n felt, make him know the pain his Dove has to endure even when he's long gone. Steve calms, his deep breath easing the pang of guilt in his chest as he sees a tear fall down Y/n's cheek, quickly scooping it up with his index finger as he grabs their hand. "Everyone makes mistakes, everyone does things they don't mean, that doesn't make them bad Dove." He holds back his own tears, not realizing that they would have to help Dove in more ways than just unbuckling their seatbelt, Bucky and Steve would have to show them that they deserve to take up space, that they deserve help and love. "Me and Buck are both going to mess up too, but that doesn't make us bad caregivers, it just means we are learning, just like you."

"This is a big step for all of us Dove, but we're willing to take it if you are." Bucky adds on.

"I wan'to." They nod, their eyes still watering, fear still there, but a sense of relief washing over them at the same time.

+ + + + + +

As the three of them walked inside Y/n was shocked, the house looked lived in, and warm, not what they expected. The walls a soft white, furniture in greens, blues, and warm wood tones, comforting paintings lining would be bare walls, the Livingroom sunken in with a large sectional, clearly perfect for movie nights. The kitchen could be seen from the doorway, the dining room too, everything open and airy, the house almost hugging you when you entered.

"What do you think?" Steve asked, still holding their hand, giving it a small shake.

"I think 'm thirsty, jus' a little." Y/n honestly said, still staring at the comfy couch, noticing a circle bed like chair near it, draped in soft blankets, already making a mental note to have a nap their at least once.

Steve and Bucky chuckled, leading them to the kitchen, an archway and small breakfast nook surrounded by windows now seen, the kitchen cupboards a soft green, matching the trees Y/n could see from out the windows, a smile creeping up on their cheeks.

"We didn't know what your favorite colour is." Bucky began, opening a large drawer filled with plastic dishes of all colours. "Do you want to pick a cup?" He asked, a bunch of printed water bottles on display, dinosaurs, space, unicorns, princesses, frogs, snowflakes, too many to choose from.

"I don' know." They mumbled, looking into the drawer worriedly, what if they chose the wrong one. "I can pick whatever I wan'?"

Steve nodded, watching Y/n reach for a plain one, the green one. "You want that one?" Steve asked, shocked at the lack of print in their choice.

"Mhm, maybe later I can put som' stickers on it." They said, looking at the water bottle with hope, thinking that maybe even if they don't want them to stay, they can at least keep the water bottle.

"I think we bought you some stickers already." Steve said, looking to Bucky for confirmation. "Why don't we go find them and you can start decorating okay?" He asked, offering up his hand to be held again as Bucky took the water bottle and began filling it up.

Steve led Dove down a hallway, opening a door with wooden letter of Dove's first initial, a pang in their chest of belonging suddenly making their eyes once again swell with tears, they had made this room for them, and whatever was behind the door was for them by people who cared about them before they had ever met.

Dove turned quickly and wrapped their arms around Steve's waist, his hands laid on their back in shock. "What's wrong?" Bucky asked, seeing the tears in Y/n's eyes.

"I's for me." They pointed at the sign on the door, their arms leaving Steve's body as they fell to their side.

Bucky was speechless, he made sure to put a letter on the door so that Y/n wouldn't get lost trying to find their room, wouldn't get frustrated opening a bunch of doors just to find their bed. "Of course Dove." Bucky chuckled. "We wanted you to know where your room was." He opened the door, showing Dove their room, a sob leaving their mouth as they looked inside.

The walls were a soft green, a couple blue painted arches on the walls defining where a few bookcases were, filled to the brim with books, the arches defining the toy shelfs, a few stuffies on them, but eft blank to fill on their own, the warm wood floors covered in soft white and cream rugs, a few ground pillows to sit on littering the area, and finally a wall opening leading to the coziest bed spot, the bed frame a soft wood, the frame a platform type, no space for under the bed monsters. The bed was covered in blankets and pillows, see-through fabric hanging from the celling, a fancy and modern like canopy bed, a small lamp on top of the headboard, and most importantly their stuffies from home sat against soft pillows.

Y/n jumped into the bed, pushing their nose to their stuffed animals, feeling a sense of comfort knowing some things were still the same. "We had Sam pick some things up from your apartment." Bucky said, opening a bag he got from who knows where, pulling out a pair of pajamas that Y/n already owned, butterflies covering the soft purple fabric. "But tomorrow we are going to go shopping, buy you some more things, like a winter coat." His heart crumpled saying that.

Sam had reported back saying the apartment was almost empty, a few stuffies and a few outfits the only thing making the place look lived in, the clothing hardly considered enough to live off of, two pairs of pajamas, a few sweaters, some pants, and a hanger that clearly held the one nice outfit they were wearing now. No coat, or mits, hat, boots, swimsuit, running shoes, anything other than the bare necessities were found. And knowing how much money Rumlow had, how many outfits, cars, houses he owned, made Y/n's lack of things seem so much more deliberate than anyone could even imagine.

"I don' need more things." Y/n mumbled, sitting up in their new bed, rubbing their hands against their eyes, sleep clearly trying to take over.

"Dove." Steve chuckled. "You're our little now, and we intend on spoiling you."

Bucky placed the pajamas on the bed, getting ready to walk out for the night when Y/n sighed. "I don' wanna put dem on, too sleepy." They just laid back down, hugging their stuffy close as they kicked the blankets around to their liking. "Can you do it?" They asked their eyes still closed. "Sorry." They sat up, Bucky and Steve expecting them to take their question back, clearly a slip up in their will to do everything themself. "Can you help me, please?" They asked, their head bowed, ready for rejection.

"Of course Dove." Bucky said, elbowing Steve, making him pick up the pajamas and get ready to help. "Can you stand up?" He said, still in shock that they were already accepting the fact that the two men were genuinely there to help, not leave them alone and confused to do things on their own like they once were.

Dove stood up, unbuttoning their pants and kicking them off, Steve held open the pajama pants, allowing Y/n to step into them, Bucky keeping them balanced as they did so. Y/n began to struggle with their shirt, an exhausted sigh leaving their lips as they got stuck, hands held above their head, Bucky laughing as he helped pull it off all the way, Steve quickly slipping the pajama shirt on and making sure the sleeves weren't twisted, something he hated.

Bucky and Steve got Dove situated in bed, tucked tightly under the covers, their stuffies underneath with them, showing them where their bathroom was if they needed it, letting them know too that they would keep their door open if they needed anything, then a forehead kiss each and they were off, out the door and down the hall to their own room, getting in their own pajamas and getting ready to end the day.

"I can't stop thinking about all of the times they just slept in their regular clothing because no one was there to help." Bucky scoffed, walking to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Buck I just got that picture out of my mind." Steve argued, picking up his book off his night table to read before bed.

"I just can't believe they let us help." Bucky changed the conversation slightly.

"It's got to be a good sign, that they are letting us help already, trust us enough to take care of them." Steve answered, putting his glasses on as he cracked open his book, 'a guide to becoming a caregiver', the eighth caregiver/age regression book he's found and immediately read in the past three months as they prepared for Y/n to come and live with them. "But their behavior might change later on." Steve spoke, reciting things he had read in his books, trying to navigate the situation at hand. "They are stressed, tired, in a new place, very overwhelmed, this could just be a one time thing." He continued, growing sad at his own words, wanting to fight himself for even thinking that way.

"Really?" Bucky laughs. "I'm usually the one that makes everything sad and yet here you are." He pauses. "Acting as if Dove is going to wake up and not trust us."

"They might." Steve admitted, guilt written all over his features.

"Sirs?" A small voice was heard from the hallway, the crack in the door allowing Dove's shadow to be seen, it creaking open slightly.

"Everything okay Dove?" Bucky asked, disregarding his and Steve's conversation, happy for the distraction. "What's wrong?" He asked again, Dove's shy face not revealing any clues as to why they seemed to need something.

"I's jus' a little." They held their fingers up to show how little. "Li'l dark, in m'room." They said, worry on their face, unsure if they were allowed to bring things like this up, or if they should just leave it.

Steve smiled sweetly, putting his book down and walking towards the door. "I think there's a nightlight in your room, why don't we go find it?" He asked, smiling down at Dove, turning the hallway light on so they could see.

"You too?" Dove asked, looking at Bucky, wondering if he would follow.

"I can come too, sure." He smiled, following behind alongside Steve as Y/n lead the way back to their room, something Bucky felt he could get used to.

The three of them entered the room, Steve turning the overhead light on as Bucky began looking in a few spots for a nightlight. "Oh here!" He said, showing the sweet cloud nightlight off to Y/n, who's face lit up at the sight of it.

Steve grabbed it and plugged it in next to the bed, giving it a few taps to ensure it would stay put, smiling as he stood back, Y/n kneeling in front of it in awe. "I'm gon'name him fluff ball!" They cheered, touching the plastic as if it were actually a fluffy cloud.

"That's a perfect name Dove." Bucky cooed, ushering them back into bed, pulling the covers up to their chin, and tucking them in nice and tight, once again the two of them kissing their forehead.

"Can you stay too?" Dove asked, teary eyed as they watched the two men leave a little too quickly.

They both looked at each other and nodded, Steve grabbing a couple floor pillows and placing them next to the bed. "This good?" He asked, his back leaned against the bed as Y/n watched him and Bucky.

"Yes, thanks." They closed their eyes, happy in their burrito position.

"I told you." Bucky smiled, Steve shaking his head in disapproval, more aware that maybe tomorrow Dove wouldn't be so willing to ask for help, no one could know, and he didn't want to get his hopes up.

Eventually soft mumbles could be heard, Dove making some noise while they sleep, and a few deep snores could be heard here and there, those coming from the two sleeping super soldiers, mafia men, powerful business people, owners of the city, who had fallen asleep on the floor, at the side of their little's bed.

[horse-girl-anthy]

essay on NGE (and RGU) under the cut

if I really wanted to oversimplify, I could say that NGE and RGU are essentially the same story. both are about whether it's worth it to go on living, to come to life, or if it's better to die, to stay half-living. they use their respective characters, genres, and symbolic systems in order to investigate this issue.

to approach the shows that way would of course be flattening, since they explore the themes they share in different ways. I find myself in a loop when I try to compare them: first, I'll think of a way they're similar, but the second I write down the commonality, I think of an exception. when I try to write about how they're different, I end up realizing they're the same.

rather than try to parse all of that out, I'd like to talk about what NGE and RGU have given me, respectively. I first watched the shows back to back when I was 16. RGU has occupied a lot of my headspace since I rewatched it in 2020, while NGE was more of a teenage interest. however, NGE is still important to me, because it does things for me that RGU doesn't (just as RGU does things for me that NGE doesn't). the two works compliment each other well, in my opinion.

in the 90s, Ikuhara and Anno were fairly close, and did a string of interviews together to promote Evangelion. the below quote is from an interview with Newtype which was conducted during NGE's production:

Kunihiko Ikuhara: Hmm, what I'm hoping for from Evangelion is that it will be a drama that shows us an embodiment, a concrete way to be happy. --Our Happiness: The Happiness Depicted by "Evangelion"

did Ikuhara get what he wanted out of Evangelion? "a concrete way to be happy"? I don't know. perhaps Ikuhara went on to make RGU because he didn't see what he wanted in Evangelion. RGU--all Ikuhara works--have some kind of relief in them. a moment of revelation, change, reconcilliation, transcendence. Evangelion points in similar directions, but it never truly resolves; it never relents.

but Ikuhara goes on to say:

Kunihiko Ikuhara: There are many young people who think that they will be happy if their current situation changes. They think that because the situation is bad, they can't be happy or do well. That's not true. What makes us happy is our ability to materialize - to give shape to our happiness.

this was something that the final episode of NGE communicated to me quite powerfully when I was a kid. first, the animation style changes, and the show depicts how material reality restrains freedom, but how total freedom would mean total disconnection, the inability to interact with the world. later, Shinji has visions of a sitcom version of Eva, where the story plays out like a bad anime. somehow, this is what leads into the revelation he has at the last moment of the episode. I couldn't have explained it at the time, but this ending worked very well for me. I think I've finally put my finger on why.

the voices of all the people Shinji knows give him a lecture, dispensing advice which could feel insulting or could be hard to take. I was struck by him being told, "you're the only one who can understand yourself, so take care of yourself." like many young people, I had the fantasy that I would meet someone who truly understood me, and that it would somehow free me from all bonds. I wanted to be helped and saved, and here was this show, telling me to my face, "it's actually your responsibility to do that for yourself." I didn't want to believe it, especially not that I would never be understood the way I wanted to be... but I couldn't ignore it either.

there's also a part where Shinji is told that "on rainy days, you feel glum, but on sunny days, you feel happy. but that's only a matter of your perception." this sounds like something a bad therapist would tell you: that you can just willpower your way out of suffering by changing how you look at a situation. but I think it's not quite that.

this goes back to the sitcom sequence. Shinji witnessed a different version of himself, one with normal problems, and he realized that the world is actually indifferent to him, the way that the world is indifferent to whether there's rain or sunshine. the whole show, he's been afraid of indifference, and he's been afraid that he's looked down on by others. he's judged himself, felt like absolute scum. but at the same time that he's forced to realize that he will never receive perfect acceptance and understanding from someone else, he also realizes that indifference is a great gift, because it means whether he is the "rainy" or "sunny" version of Shinji, he is still allowed to exist. he is a part of his world, a mirror of it, and so there's no reason to hate himself for his failings. it's a realization that he has a place in the world, and he's congratulated for it.

but Evangelion didn't stop there. I rejected End of Eva the first time I watched it, in part because I really disliked the live action shots (which I thought were pretentious) but also because the story was so depressing, especially after the relatively uplifting ending of the show.

the film does have moments of transcendence, but they're all of an existential, apocalyptic, and ecstatic-through-suffering kind. Yui tells Shinji, "as long as the sun, moon, and earth exist, everything will be alright," taking the idea that circumstances don't dictate happiness to the extreme. she becomes a monument to humanity, sacrificing herself and allowing the apocalypse in order to do so. is it beautiful, or horrible? are humans so afraid to be annihilated that we annihilate ourselves?

more unsettling, our main characters get what I'd like to call "anti-resolutions." Ritsuko fails to even get revenge on Gendo, betrayed by her mother til the end. Misato may be right that she's learned with every mistake she's made, but she dies the same person she always was, crying out to Kaji for reassurance. our young protagonists all have moments of self-actualization, but they are immediately cancelled, rendered void. Asuka regains her desire to live, only to be killed. Rei makes a choice--a crucial choice--but she hands the final decision over to Shinji, losing her individuality in the process (when she's always longed to be a discrete individual). then Shinji makes what seems to be the right choice, but is not rewarded for it.

I've always found it fascinating that people can watch NGE and come to the conclusion that Third Impact was a good thing and humans should have stayed tang. it's certainly the more peaceful option. everything would just be... over. no more strife caused by the fact that we cannot understand each other, that we cannot cross the divide of being and experience each others' experience.

in a triumphant moment, Shinji decides against living as fluid. he knows his feelings were real, and could only ever be real, in that other world, where people are separate, because not having any boundaries is the same as not existing.

the logic of fiction tells us that, since Shinji "did the right thing," there should be a good outcome as a result. but no, there isn't. when he's back in his body, the world is worse than it's ever been, and only Asuka is by his side. he has the ability to hurt people again. yes he can be caressed, but he can also be scorned, hated--and people can have good reasons to scorn and hate him.

this was an entirely new gift that End of Eva gave me, and it's stuck with me ever since. it was an acknowledgment of suffering that promised no respite or happy ending. if we are not to kill ourselves, we have to face the fact that life may offer no rewards. we may never get what we want, and there will certainly be pain along the way. relationships can fall apart, and we can let ourselves down.

although Ikuhara has said that he created RGU in the hope that it would help kids see an option other than suicide, I would say that NGE has done more for helping me live than RGU, for the reasons I outlined above. it was my sense as a teen that there was no way out of the pit. maybe it's true that people can't understand each other, but through the power of art, I felt understood by NGE. that went a long way.

RGU was something very different; it had a different gift to give, and I had to mature in order to accept it. I don't think RGU offered a "concrete way to be happy" either, but it did make concrete the process of liberation. RGU is about freedom, freedom from just about everything: illusions, dependence, time, the self, you name it. by dramatizing the process by which a community is turned inside out and changed irrevocably, the show proves that liberation is possible. Anthy comes to stand in for the repressed part of all women, and so her revolution is the revolution of womanhood. most affectingly, the show involves the audience in the story using a variety of means. by forcing the audience to see themselves as part of the narrative, getting them to examine their own perceptions and identify with the characters, RGU operates as a direct challenge to the viewer, asking them to revolutionize their own world as soon as possible.

to wrap this up, I see NGE and RGU as stories which I needed at different times in my life. I imagine I'll return to them for years to come, but it makes sense to me that NGE came first. I don't think I could have tried for freedom before I internalized the ideas that NGE offered me. in the long run, RGU has had more impact on my thinking and personality, but NGE paved the way for it, kindly playing the role of John the Baptist for me. it is the gospel for the new century after all.

[chand-ki-priyatama]

Ek khat ek captain dost ke naam

@paapi I friend you for life

Your name "MAYUR" typically matches your personality , the elegant, regal and disciplined vibes you give off damn....

I'll nickname you "WILLOW" the reason well...

And your communication skills , accent , vocabulary , please don't mind but I wanna steal all that bw I already told you this have'nt I ???

Although I can express all this on a call or text too but , I am a writer (Aisa mujhe lagta hai) and writers don't speak or write they bleed ink on paper , so these are my feelings for you in the form of a letter....

So ye khat aapke naam from your friend Kaya ek kaviyitri aur lekhika....

You are the only one who actually understood my persona rather than trying to change it....

Someone who feels like a mentor

Someone who is a therapist to me (I am sorry but I had to write this)

Dear Peacock Mayur,

I hope this letter finds you in good health , I never nicknamed you again cause the one I gave you didn't approve it , but you attribute alot to a willow , The willow tree symbolizes flexibility . A big part of your purpose in this world is to learn, grow, and evolve through challenging times of adversity. The willow tree is capable of bending in outrageous poses without snapping..... And that's you these are the attributes of your personality....

I still vividly remember how we first interacted on the server , when you were praising me in the rp server and then me as usual talking about shivji and you saying about mahakaleshwar and yeah ofc the chaar dhaam yatra.... You know you can sponsor my chaar dhaam I won't mind

And then making a Spotify blend with you just to get a 99 percent match like damn I never get this high match with anyone still it would have been 100 percent if not for Kpop cause I don't listen to that music....

And then having a VC with you and the first thought I had after listening your voice , how can someone have such a beautiful voice truly euphonious and your accent let's not go there otherwise this letter would end in me fan-girling....

I just love to interact with you like how can someone be so mature and understanding....

And kindly drop the secrets cause I am in dire need of being mature.....

"You are someone who's existence will always be dear to me"

Our friendship was something which I didn't even expect and it was something I could never even think of but yeah the most beautiful friendships are unexpected.....

We are always together in everything although not physically but whenever you see the stars and moon remember that they bind me together with everyone and whenever you feel alone just look at them somewhere I am doing that too...

They bind me to you

You are one of the most supportive person out there , I mean whenever I talk to you it doesn't feel as if I only know you for days....

You feel like koi fariyad song soft melody after tiring rock music....

How can someone be so perfect in every sense I mean how....

I won't associate you with a fictional character , cause you are a like a man written by a woman, perfect in every sense...

These are your vibes according to me :-

I still have alot to know about you.... yeah I know I speak so much that you don't get the turn to speak....

You know how I am talkative af , clingy , moody , irritating and to an extent thodi si nakchadi hu but that's how I am , I know I irritate you alot but that's how I am and that's why people leave me , so sorry for all the times when I irritated you....

And yeah I will throw a kdrama at you although I don't watch any except one which I only know so I'll throw king the land at you cause that's the only I have watched and I dare you to do what you said I'll not spare you.....

Now imagine we met and you know my obsession with Polaroids so think these pics as them...

I know deep down somedays you might also feel as if you are alone as if things are not going the way you want them to , somedays you might also feel pretty exhausted but just remember that its life ups and downs are bound to come , you'll always be a part of my prayers....

If you were a colour I'd say you as sage green cause people with sage green personalities Often are found to be perfectionists, with the great admiration for details. That is why they tend to be good researchers. Winning arguments comes easy to them and their strong-willed character makes them unwilling to accept the authority..... And yeah according to me you have all these traits....

अजीब दास्ताँ है ये कहाँ शुरू कहाँ ख़तम

I associate these lyrics to our friendship cause as I said unexpected in a way which I didn't imagine....

You are one of the most sweetest , kindest and beautiful being I ever met....

Last few days were tough for me so thank you for always being there for me and supporting me throughout....

I lost my faith in friendship way too early but thanks to you and few others that you revived it....

I don't know after writing this too I feel I am short of words , you have been there for me , for you friendships like this might not matter that much but for me it's something I'll cherish forever cause these aren't little things when I'll look back they'll be very beautiful memories....

Now imagine me playing a guitar and singing this song to you...

"Will you take a moment?

Promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if, God forbid, fate should step in

And force us into a Goodbye

If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life with you"

I'll dedicate these lyrics to you.....

Just so you know I love you to the moon and back and will always appreciate and cherish your existence and our friendship.....

I'll dedicate these songs to you and it's voice notes well I'll send them to you....

Now I think I have spoken enough

So signing off Willow aka peaco Mayur

With love always

Kaya 💗

[spanishskulduggery]

When did you first start learning Spanish? And any basic learning tips? I have a few Spanish speaking coworkers but I get so nervous trying to practice my Spanish with them.... and and, when you were first learning Spanish, did you have any little things you found especially fun/funny?

Oh gosh it's been decades now. To give some backstory and you can do your own math here, this blog started in 2013 when I was still in college getting my degree in Spanish

I started in what I think would be middle school when Spanish became a mandatory class, but I didn't start really studying and understanding things until high school. It wasn't until even after college that I REALLY felt like I understood Spanish because there were so many native speakers and people interacting with me.

One thing that totally changed my perception and how I perceive Spanish was there was a question on the preterite and imperfect, and I'm giving my answer and trying to explain some bits about how a lot of times both are potentially correct but it's how you mean it that matters

And someone mentioned that "imperfect" in its linguistic etymology means "not yet completed"; that "perfect" is "done thoroughly" where the -fect is probably related to hacer "to do"... and "imperfect" thus means "not yet done", and just a huge lightbulb moment

I remember thinking "I WISH one of my teachers had known that or said that to me because it makes so much more sense now"

And I still mess up but usually it's followers like "oh we say THIS here" or "that's not the word we use but it reminds me of this thing in my country"

-

A few funny things in Spanish based on mistakes that I've made or things that I learned:

You haven't truly begun your Spanish journey until someone tells you that embarazado/a means "pregnant" not "embarrassed" (avergonzado/a).... similarly no one mentions that embarazoso/a means "awkward" or "unwieldy" in a way

querer means "to want", but it can also mean "to love" or cherish; similarly querido/a means "dear", but la querida can also kind of mean "side-piece" like someone's affair partner woman so if you see someone talking about their querida without a name or a noun they might be talking about an affair

el pelo is "hair", el cabello typically means "hair on the top of the head" like a human... and el cabello is NOT el caballo "horse"

the word for "eye-catching" is llamativo/a and NOT miradizo/a which miradizo/a is one of those old words but it kind of means "awestruck" or "makes you stare in wonderment" in a weirdly poetic way

sartén as "frying pan" can be masculine or feminine depending on country

there are too many words for beans

there are three main words for "purple" - la púrpura usually means "red-violet" or Tyrian purple and also the mollusk you get purple from; morado/a is often "dark purple" related to la mora which can be "blackberry" or "mulberry"; lila is "light purple" meaning "lilac".... you can also say violeta that's fine too

people say naranja for "the color orange" more than anaranjado/a but not everyone has the patience to explain that naranja which comes from the fruit doesn't change for gender

same with rosa as "pink", where rosado/a "pink" is also valid and usually what's taught

regionalisms. regionalisms everywhere

If you're in a really immature class, someone is going to laugh at puse

the word for "jellyfish" in Spanish is la medusa and that makes me happy

similarly, a male "horseman" is often el jinete; a female "horsewoman" or "rider" is sometimes la amazona and that also makes me happy

la macedonia is sometimes "fruit salad", so one assumes that Macedonians were just throwing fruit together in a bowl or something

Except for two big exceptions, most words ending in al- in Spanish are from Arabic origins [the exceptions being anything related to el almuerzo "lunch", and la almendra "almond"]

la manzana can mean "city block" in some places - probably because in a feudal society people lived in "manses" and the biggest house was the "mansion" where the lord lived, and it has nothing to do with apples

la montaña rusa is "roller coaster" literally "Russian mountain" because Russian people used to make little roller coasters by shaping ice mountains and putting tracks on them

la paja rusa does NOT mean "Russian straw", it is extremely NSFW and do not google it on a school server...... in fact don't look up any kind of paja because it's just as NSFW and it means "straw" if you're not talking about sex so otherwise don't worry about it

someone told me that linguistically para is just por+a, so parais literally "for the purpose of" or "for/so that to" and I've never been the same

the word for "ladybug" in Spanish is la mariquita which is "little Mary" because red used to be associated with Virgin Mary and the spots were said to be 7 and represent the joyful/sorrowful mysteries - many languages have a religious connotation to "ladybug"... also English, because the "lady" refers to Mary, like "Our Lady"

The Spanish alphabet used to be different where CH and RR were their own separate letters... it made looking things up weird; I also don't know how I feel about L vs. LL as separate letters because it's a whole other sound but it IS technically two L's

The word for octopus is el pulpo... the word for "pulp" is la pulpa; don't be like me and mix up asking for orange juice with no octopus

I cannot stress this enough but el pollo is "chicken" or "poultry"; la polla is a NSFW word meaning "cock" and as soon as you say you want cock for dinner you will die some on the inside

I don't know what the deal is with ahorita or what it means without hearing the tone of voice and neither does anyone else, it could be anything

caber is the worst verb, but ir/andar are also up there

every so often luego/pues means "thus" or "therefore" and it's going to throw you off

every so often el hacha (technically feminine) means candle or torch, and in any other situation it means "hatchet" so imagine my confusion when I read about people carrying axes around to see

all my life everyone told me never to use gustar without an indirect object and a friend from Puerto Rico says gusta to mean "cool" all the time and it made me question everything

[anxious-witch]

What a year, huh? We all know I have to be emotional on tumblr.com whenever the opportunity arises because that's one way I allow myself to have an emotional catharsis (for legal reasons this a joke)

In all seriousness though, this year has been a lot for me. Both in a good and bad sense, but Käärijä and Joker Out improved it significantly. And more importantly, their fandoms. (More inder the cut bc this is long af)

I have never really been someone who knows anything about the artists' whose music I listened to. Before this, I don't think I ever listened to a full album of someone, just random songs that I liked. Finding stuff from personal life of bands/musicians I liked usually made me depressed so I didn't bother.

Then, ESC 2023. happened. I frankly have no idea what flipped the switch in my head. Bojere interactions? The way people on tumblr were so welcoming even back when I was mostly posting about Let 3 and Käärijä only? I don't know, I only know that we are here now, regardless.

Another thing about me is that I used to be very pessimistic person. Likez genuinely. I have been "unofficially"(long story) diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 11, which is over a decade now. I always had a lot of bad experiences with people and really awful trust issues. I have been doing better for some time now, but it is very hard to let go of the feeling of pessimism and helplessness. In a world where awful things happen every second, what can I possibly do that would change anything?

Then ESC happened. Käärijä lost and I thought "another injustice that will never be corrected". Except, instead of feeling defeated, everyone just loved him more. In those weeks after and later on months, all I have seen had been unrelenting love and acceptance of Jere. Reminding him that despite not winning Eurovision, he is our winner and we'll forever think of him as such. Jere who has a wonderfully belly and strong thighs and is short and by no means is he conventional in any sense. And people loved him not despite all that but because all that. Because we all found ways to relate to him, or to what he went through.

His story of almost dying and still getting where he did only served to highlight that more. Because of he did it, why can't we get to what we want? Why can't I? It shifted my whole perspective.

Then, Joker Out. It is so, so funny to me how I barely paid any attention to them during ESC, except for bojere interactions and was dragged in it by the shared fandom, when now I post most about them.

But yes, JO. A band from Slovenia that while tehnically isn't Balkan, felt so close to me. Like they could understand all the things I kept to myself because of where I was. And then they showed me there is still hope.

I have never seen a band from around here take a pride flag on the stage. Never. I know it's a thing, especially abroad, but God I have never seen that happen here. And with how much love they always took it! That's...wow. It gave me hope that not only is it possible for injustices to be corrected, but that ot's possible to do it even in the environment I'm in.

And then...the Virtual Letters Project happened. Or well positive confessions that @spockowhales turned into Virtual Letters Project.

That's when I knew it's truly possible. I have seen tumblr posts, yes. But getting stuff so directly addressed about or to JO made me realize how much of a "wave" they all created. So many people said they helped them with their depression, with viewing their world differentky with meeting new peoplez with daring to do something new.

I have no words to describe how much that meant to me and I really hope that when they read those letters, they understood the impact they had.

But even that aside, I want to thank everyone in this fandom. People I have talked to, people I have interacted with it any way, through replies, reblogs, likes, anon asks. I appreciate every single one of you for helping create such a wonderful space. We had our ups and downs in the fandom, but we are all here because we love these fandoms, these people so much to keep talking about it even months after.

Thank you and I wish everyone here a wonderful New Year with even more laugh, love and positivity ❤️ have a good one

[ilynpilled]

do u ever wonder why jaime never told tyrion or cersei about the wildfire plot?

Alright, here’s the thing. A lot of the story will not function if this is known by other people, so I won’t not acknowledge that maybe it is a plot convenience. The caches of wildfire under KG is a Chekhov’s gun leading to something big, we cannot have it removed from there. Jaime’s story relies on the fact that a whole kingdom despises him for his “finest act”, which also falls apart if the context of that act is known, especially with Tyrion dropping it earlier to the reader in his POVs (would be kind of odd if he never mentions this lmao). Not to mention that if certain powerful people are aware of it, it could shift the game entirely. But still, that does not mean that we cannot make sense of it. I just think George neglected to give us an actual concrete explanation (perhaps intentionally). Maybe this is very deliberate and speaks to Jaime’s characterization.

A big factor is that he was a traumatized 17 yo when it happened. This event really messed him up. He represses, dissociates from, and compartmentalizes things. The way he reacts to the act of confessing during the bath scene is further proof of this. His thoughts communicate that he thinks he is so out of it that he can no longer check himself from admitting it to someone, including himself. Like he does not even think about the wildfire plot before the confession, even though we are in his head. Wouldn’t he want to justify it to himself in his own head when he gets judged by Brienne early on? Look at just how the confession even happens, he is completely out of it, his walls fall down, he acts like it is out of his control, it is like a part that was buried for years bubbling to the surface:

Wildfire and its qualities are also not very well understood. Barely anyone is familiar with how it truly works, and how volatile it is, as showcased by Tyrion’s ACoK chapters. I truly do not believe Jaime is aware how much of a threat they are still, and thinks it is the best if they remain ignored, hidden in jars under the city.

This is the most direct way that his silence about it is addressed:

Making “Lannister pride and stubbornness” the main, or only, explanation is something I always found a little vague. Same with his smart-ass response about oaths. It feels like deflection, and Jaime’s pathetic return to his bitter posturing. Especially how this justification of his does not really work for keeping it from Cersei and Tyrion. In fact, it mostly only works with Ned, and then he seems to become consumed by the bitterness of that specific interaction until he hurts himself and faints (loser). Also, I am curious as to how this holds up when Jaime gradually climbs out of his bitterness and cynicism and is making attempts to change his self concept later in the series. If people read Jaime as exclusively more concerned with the way he is perceived than being an actual good person, I feel like dropping this fact post bath confession to remedy his image would have certainly aided in the desire to have a better reputation (or would it be too late? I do not think so. It certainly worked with Brienne). Would anyone believe him? Is there a point? Is it his pride in confict with his desire to be humanized in the eyes of others? I think it is way more complicated. I think it is about hopelessness. I think it is just a general disillusionment with the concept of honor and morality and how it operates within this system. Jaime has no faith in these institutions at that point. We see it in the weirwood dream. He confesses. He tells the truth. Yet he is damned by his heroes all the same. That results in his fire going out, and there is no coming back from that.

Him not telling his loved ones in specific is interesting though. Including his father. Maybe it is the fact that they never judged him for it or they do not care. However, what I do find pretty interesting is that Tyrion and Cersei make use of wildfire as a weapon within the story.

I really read, or believe a big part of, Jaime’s decision to bury the existence of the caches is making them essentially unavailable. He knows that nobody is aware of them, because he went out of his way to kill everyone who was:

Jaime is so deeply traumatized about Aerys, and this whole situation is so monumental in his development, that I think there has to be a deep fear of anyone making use of it again. Including his own family. Therefore, I think he is willing to essentially bury the secret with him, despite its personal consequences. This of course paints him in a pretty moral light, which you can disagree with.

I feel like to justify this reading I also need to address the perspective of “that doesnt make sense bc jaime doesnt care about the innocents he just did it to save his father/self preservation etc”. This might be a reading exclusive to very Jaime critical circles, but there was a GoT (i know. i know. i shouldnt give a shit😭) video essay with views in the hundred thousands that claimed this so it might not be so obscure.

First of all, I dont think that makes sense with how the confession is structured and written at all. Second, idk how that reading would benefit his character writing. We start out with a comically villainous character that is unveiled to be a complex individual. Why must there be another twist on that that subverts this and goes like “no, actually he is that comically villainous individual that would be fine with 500k people being burned alive at age 17”. I am not a fan of the woobification done to him sometimes either, but there comes a point where people feel the need to misconstrue and add twists to scenes that obviously had a specific purpose for the character. What would this scene gain by having the added twist of “oh he EXCLUSIVELY did it to save his father/self preservation”? Genuinely what would such a strong moment of recontextualization gain from this? Jaime was supposed to be all about his immediate family to the ruin of everybody else. The reveal serves the purpose of recontextualizing his character and adding dimensions to it by showing that that is not entirely the case, while also delineating his trajectory thus far, especially regarding his cynicism concerning feudalistic moral constructs. What is the purpose of telling us “actually, he saved KG” only to go “this does not change how you should view his character though, circumstances just perfectly aligned for him so he committed a heroic act.”

On top of that, the logistics of removing wildfire is something insanely complicated. Him telling Ned? Sure, great. But then who else would they need to tell? The point of the wildfire under the city is that it sentences KL to death. There is really no solution. I think metaphorically it is about the culmination of corruption. That place was on a trajectory of doom, and it was never really saved, Robert, its supposed savior, was nothing but stagnation. The city is filled to the brim with corruption. Someone would abuse that power, if it is not set off during attempts at removal. Ntm even the exact locations are not known. You cannot make the caches disappear. The closest thing to it is burying the secret with you, which is what Jaime is doing. Mind you Brienne knows it too now, yet she is not eager to tell anyone either. Neither of them know what a ticking time-bomb it is. But even if they did, I think the point is that you cannot really do anything about it at this point. KL was sentenced to death and it is at a point of no return.

For the rationale of “Jaime never justifies it in such a way in his own thoughts, when he could.” Well he also never justifies him pushing Bran with “I wanted to save the lives of Cersei and our children.” Even though George believes that is the case. Jaime’s denial and posturing is not exclusive to his words, but also his thoughts. This man also deludes himself, not just those around him. He detaches himself from truth constantly to avoid vulnerability. You are hit in the face with this repeatedly in ASoS. He even lies about his motivations for things he does after they happen, which is just hilarious because we are inside his head when he decides to take certain actions and know what he is thinking and know that he is full of shit. So I do not think this contradicts my interpretation.

[emptystove]

The Long Con - Ch 14

One Piece Fanfic (Romance/Drama/Suspense)

Pairing: Nami x Law

Rating: EXPLICIT, 18+ ONLY

CW: Smutty Smut Smut, light bondage, light dom/sub

Chapter Summary: Nami spends more time with Sanji before finally meeting back up with Law.

Posted to AO3, FanFiction, and Wattpad under HortyCord.

Chapter 14 - Trust

Sanji was already sat leaning against the bars that separated their cells when Nami was returned.

She forced herself to settle in closer to him, leaning against the back wall but still safely out of his reach if he were to try anything. Now that her initial fear had mostly worn off, she allowed herself to really take in his state. His clothing was torn, and there were deep marks where his shackles met the skin on his wrists and ankles. He was a bit gaunt, probably from the lack of regular meals. And when he thought she was looking, he would pull his fingers into tight fists to keep them from shaking.

From the way he was stealing glances of her, Nami was surprised how long he held out before finally speaking.

"Where did they take you?" His brows were knit together over glassy eyes. He was so easy to read. He couldn't help but be an open book, worry etched into every line on his face.

"To the king," she answered. Selling her lies with half truths was a standard trick for Nami, but doing that in front of a Vinsmoke brought her too close to memories of how she was able to trick Ichiji, of what she went through to survive. She was so busy forcing those images out of her mind that she missed his next question.

"What?"

"I asked if you are alright. I mean, did he...," Sanji swallowed hard. His voice was a bit less strained than the last time they spoke, but he still struggled to keep it steady. "What did he do?"

Nami looked away. She remained silent and hugged her knees to her chest. She would let his imagination do the lying for her. Based on how they were torturing him, whatever his mind came up with would sell her story better than she could.

His reaction was surprising, although maybe it shouldn't have been. He was seething. He was more upset by Nami's pain than his own, and she wondered if he was actually as different from his brothers as he claimed to be.

His response reminded her of someone. Someone who was also much softer than his reputation.

She watched him adjust his torn sleeve to recover his tattoo as he looked away from her. She didn't even realize she was staring at it.

He was ashamed of the mark, what it meant, and how people judged him for it. That familiar pain hit her much harder, and she was speaking to him again without even thinking.

"How old were you when they did that?" She asked softly.

She knew he didn't want to talk about it, but she also knew he was still desperate for any type of interaction with her.

"Maybe five? I can't remember."

"I was eight."

Pale blue eyes locked onto her, a mix of confusion and concern.

She turned and lifted her left sleeve as best she could while handcuffed. Even if he didn't recognize who the symbol belonged to, he understood the implication she was making.

"You can tell by the warping of the design when someone got tattooed as a child," she continued softly. "It changes with your body as you grow. Yours was subtle, but I can still tell."

He was staring at her in awe, eyes darting from the slightly skewed swordfish on her arm to the far-off look in her eyes.

Nami was ready to brace herself, to gather her courage to continue, but she was surprised when she didn't feel the need to. Normally, she would be telling lies to seem more relatable to her target, but Sanji was different. He was easy to relate to, and although that made her somewhat uneasy, it also made her relieved to have gotten past her initial fear of him so quickly.

"My name is Nami," she mirrored his words from the first time they spoke. "I don't know what your family did to you, but I'm truly sorry."

"Nami," he rasped almost more to himself than to her. His hands gripped the bars between them as his gaze softened. "Nami," he mumbled again, as if saying her name out loud ensured the person in front of him and the kindness she gave in that moment was truly real.

"Sanji," she whispered, giving him the faintest hint of a smile. "Do they ever turn down these stupid lights?"

He returned the smile as much as his exhausted features would let him. "Sometimes. It's either pitch black or bright as the sun. Whichever they think we don't want. Just another way to try to break us."

She thought about his words. Her mind was starting to wonder what other types of psychological torture they subjected him to. His heart must be strong to last this long, endure so much, and still refuse to submit. If she wasn't careful, she might actually start to like him.

"Nami." She looked up, and he made sure she was listening before he continued. "They aren't going to break us. I promise."

"Good," she whispered back, suddenly feeling desperate to change the subject.

She didn't know exactly what Doflamingo wanted out of him, but he did say he wanted everything. So, Nami decided to go for what she was actually interested in at that moment. A distraction.

She asked him trivial questions about himself, and he was more than happy to answer. They talked for hours. She knew his favorite color, favorite food, and the different types of bait he liked to use while fishing. He knew her favorite music, the types of books she likes, and the best islands for shopping. It was all insignificant based on their situation, but it's what they both needed.

She had to stop herself from saying too much when he started describing an island that sounded a lot like Zou. He could tell she wanted to say something, though, so he watched her expectantly, patiently waiting for any piece of information about herself she was willing to give him.

"Is that where you would go to if you could leave?" She asked instead.

He frowned in thought. "I, uh, I don't know. It would be great to be almost anywhere outside of a dungeon, I guess," he chuckled half-heartedly.

"If you had your freedom - like really had freedom, without the fear of kings or fathers or of anyone knowing your name, what would you do?"

Sanji hummed and scratched the scruff on his chin. "Well, the first thing I would do is smoke a damn cigarette."

Nami giggled. Looking back toward him again, she wondered how much of his shaking hands had to do with nicotine withdrawal.

"After that, I guess I would be cooking. Feeding the hungry... I want to live in a world where borders and treaties and the rich and powerful can't dictate what food is available where and for whom."

She smiled genuinely at him for the first time. "Can you cook anything with mikans?"

"I can cook anything with anything. When we get out of here, I'll cook you anything you like." He was smiling ear to ear now. "What about you? What would you do?"

Nami really wasn't sure anymore. She thought of her sister's freedom. If that wasn't her goal, what would she do? Up until recently, her answer would have been obvious. She wanted to draw a map of the world. She would have answered that way too, if the words didn't die in her mouth before she could speak. She thought back to the last time she was truly happy, and it changed everything she thought she wanted. If someone had told her just months ago that her answer to that question would be on a submarine, she would have laughed in their face. Now though, she couldn't bring herself to dream of freedom without also dreaming about him.

What would freedom even be like with Law? A lot like her time on Zou, she imagined. Without meaning to, her mind flooded with the most stupidly ideal scenario she could think of. Shachi making coffee and tea in the mornings, Nami bonding with Bepo over charts and navigation, and Penguin suddenly becoming very busy every time Nami would bring up collecting his debt. She imagined what it would be like to introduce Law to Nojiko. She would give him such a hard time, even though Nami knew Nojiko would already have decided she approved of him. She imagined Law holding her again, shutting out all of her worries and fears, drifting off in his arms for the rest of her days.

"Nami?" Sanji asked with a touch of concern as he watched a stray tear slip down her cheek.

"Ah, sorry. These stupid lights must be straining my eyes more than I realized," she lied. "Traveling is my dream. I want to make a map of the world. I mean, that was my only dream, but I think now I have another."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I want you to cook for me."

She smirked as he blushed all the way to his ears, and she finally understood that he was telling the truth.

He really wasn't a Vinsmoke.

*****

It was still dark out when Nami made her way back to her room, only a few hours before the sun would peek over the horizon. She was barely in the door before Law pulled her the rest of the way inside, locking it promptly behind her.

"Where have you been?" he demanded, almost desperately.

"What the hell, Law?"

"Were you downstairs all night?"

"Well, it's nice to see you again, too."

Law let out a heavy sign, willing himself to calm down. He knew his pent-up, anxious, sleep-deprived brain wasn't helping him come across the way he intended.

He managed to keep the strain out of his voice, but he couldn't stop himself from demanding all the answers he was craving.

"You're doing another job for Doflamingo then?"

"Yeah, it's the whole reason I'm here." She said it like it was obvious.

"I know you've been meeting with him in his office."

Nami rolled her eyes. "And you think that means what exactly? You think I'm fucking him?"

"Just tell me what-"

"This is ridiculous. I've got questions for you, too, you know." She pushed an accusatory finger into his chest. "You couldn't tell me you wrote a formal report on what we did in Germa? Because it seems like I'm just about the only person here who hasn't read it."

"Nami-ya," he started, but her patience had already run out.

"He questioned me about it. About a lot of things, actually. And no, he didn't touch me, if that's the only thing you are worried about. I don't know what his end game is exactly, but I know a master manipulator when I see one. Speaking of which, exactly how cozy are you getting with Monet?"

"We aren't cozy," Law grimaced. This wasn't how he needed this conversation to go. "We aren't anything. Doflamingo is making her work with me, probably tasked her with keeping an eye on me. If it makes you feel any better, I threatened to kill her the last time she tried to come onto me." He took a step closer, raising his hand to cup her cheek. "I only care about-"

"Who is the Surgeon of Death?"

Law's hand stopped just short of her face. "Who told you about that?"

This was a problem. He suspected Doflamingo was trying to separate them, but it was clear now that wasn't the extent of it. If he was trying to poisoning her against him, Doflamingo knew they had a relationship. The question now was why. Doflamingo could be ruining Law's happiness for his own fun or because he was hurt by their attempt to keep it a secret. He hadn't ever been shy about ruining his family members relationships as he saw fit. Baby 5 knew that better than anyone. The other possibility was that he suspected Law's betrayal. That would be much for dangerous for both of them.

"How long have you known Doflamingo?" She asked, getting more visibly frustrated as he pointedly looked away. "Why should I answer any of your questions when you won't answer mine? Why should I-"

"Because you're fucking with my head!" He whisper-screamed, finally abandoning all attempts at composure. "Ever since I met you, everything is ten times harder. Do you realize that? I had one thing to do. One goal. And now every step I take toward it, I'm, I'm hesitating. I'm missing things. Things I never would normally miss. And the closer I get, the farther I am because all I can fucking think about is you."

"Law..."

She reached for him, but he was already pulling away. It wasn't her pity or empathy that he needed right now. "I made you a promise. I never doubted that I could keep it, but you make it really fucking difficult."

He was pacing, refusing to look at whatever expression she had after his outburst. He didn't need her to argue with him or yell back at him, even if he deserved it. He didn't need her to coddle him. He needed-

"I guess..." She hesitated for a moment, prompting his eyes to come back to her, surprised by her tone. She licked her bottom lip and swiftly replaced tongue with teeth. His eyes locked on her mouth as she released her lip, letting it slide slowly back into place. She looked up at him through heavy lashes. "I guess I've been bad."

Nami struggled to hold back her satisfied grin as she watched him freeze up. Law's expression was guarded, but he was melting fast.

He swallowed thickly and parted his lips, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to speak.

He knew what she was doing. She was giving him back the control she knew he needed, offering him the intimacy with her he craved. She knew him so well. She manipulated him effortlessly, and he fucking loved it.

The next thing he knew, she was whispering in his ear. When had she gotten so close to him? His hand ghosted up her spine, and the last of his resistance finally snapped as she begged him to teach her a lesson.

His fingers tangled in her hair, and he yanked her head back, forcing her to look up into his fiery gaze. He meant to ask her something reasonable, like if she was sure, or if she knew what she was really asking him to do. But when he saw the same burning desire looking back at him all he could manage was, "You drive me fucking insane."

His lips crashed into hers. The warmth that bloomed in his chest spread out like electricity in his veins.

He swallowed every moan and whimper she let out as he manhandled her across the room. She grasped at him feverishly, desperate for more contact, and she gasped when he pushed her off him and onto the bed.

She was panting, trying to catch her breath, eyes wide with excitement as she watched him slowly remove his belt. Instead of continuing to undress, he knelt on the bed beside her. She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut when he shot her a warning glare. He knew she liked him being in control as much as he did. She trusted him completely.

He removed her belt next, and she obediently lifted her hips to make it easier without him instructing her to. She was so perfect. If he wasn't already in love with her, he would have fallen for her then and there.

"Strip."

She obeyed.

He climbed on top of her, holding the leather tight in his hands. His lips ghosted over the shell of her ear, and he felt her shudder underneath him.

"Tell me the safe word," he commanded.

"Mikans," she breathed.

"Good girl."

*****

Each of her hands were tied to the headboard with a different belt. The bottom half of her body was held above her, strong hands gripping her hips as her legs curled over his shoulders. She was almost upside down as he effortlessly held her soaked core up against his face. If she wasn't careful, she was going to come undone again. How many times had it been already tonight? She was already fucked out of her mind, and she couldn't blame that on the blood rushing to her head from her current position.

"Please..." she whined between heated breaths.

"Please what?"

She almost thought she imagined his voice, because how could he speak when his tongue was buried so beautifully inside her?

"Ah, Law, p-please."

This time she knew it wasn't her imagination because he pulled away ever so slightly, and she could feel his hot breath teasing her slick folds as he spoke.

"I'll give you anything you want, Love. You just have to say it."

She had to muster every bit of strength she had left to not unravel just from his words.

"Need you, ah, please Law, need you inside, please. Need to cum. Please. Please. -Ah!" She hardly knew what she was saying. Her brain somehow able to form the words she wanted to say and what she knew he wanted to hear.

He dropped her with one swift movement, and he was already climbing on top of her when her body bounced up from the force of her fall against the mattress. She started to wonder how he had managed to last so long pleasing her without losing himself. The ways he touched her, how he moaned into her cunt as he pulled orgasm after orgasm from her.

She gasped and fluttered her eyelids shut as he finally entered her. One agonizingly slow push until he was completely inside her. As much as he had already loosened her up, she was still tight around him.

"So fucking perfect for me," he rasped, and he groaned when his words made her clench harder around him.

Her hands gripped the leather on the belts as he started to move. She wanted to touch him desperately, wanted to feel him with every inch of skin she could. She wrapped her legs around him, her hips moving to meet his as he increased his pace. The only sounds in the room were the slapping of skin on skin, the creaking of leather under her hands, and his soft, low panting next to her ear.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, nipping and sucking marks into her skin before licking his soft, warm tongue across them.

"Cum for me," he growled against her skin, and she obeyed. Her vision blurring, her whole body tensing and arching as the man above her reached his own peak.

She heard herself whimper as he pulled himself out, cold air almost unpleasant against her noticeably empty hole.

Her eyes were still closed when she felt him unbind her hands. She wrapped them around his neck to pull him close, but he was already moving to hold her again. His skin was so warm under her fingertips, just feeling him as he cradled her, so soft and gentle, had her let out a satisfied sigh.

"I-, mm," he cut off his own words with a tender kiss, "-so much."

"I know," she breathed easily, relaxing further into his touch. "I needed that, too."

He rested his head on her chest, holding tight to her waist as their legs intertwined. She twirled her fingers through his hair, getting closer and closer to sleep until she heard him speak, just barely above a whisper.

"I was 10 years old when I met Doflamingo."

Her hand stilled for half a second before she continued her movements, silently encouraging him to continue. He paused so long, she thought that might be all she was going to get. Though when he started to speak again, it was like he couldn't stop himself.

"The place where I'm from, where I was raised, it's gone now. The people who lived there were slaughtered. Government claimed we were too high of a risk, that we would spread disease to other nations. We were sick, and it was deadly, but it wasn't contagious. Polluted soil from companies that lined the pockets of those in power. It was more lucrative to silence their victims than to stop the suffering they caused. They didn't hold back once the decision was made. Everyone was dead by morning. My neighbors, my classmates, my parents, even my little sister... I shouldn't have survived. I'm not sure why I tried so hard to live, knowing that I was going to die soon anyway. When I met Doflamingo, I had nothing left but hate. I thought he could help me get some sort of revenge on the world that took everything from me. That's when I joined the family."

Nami silently took in his words, her heart breaking for the man in her arms.

"After a while, someone helped me. Took me away to find a cure. After he was gone, I didn't want to go back to Doflamingo. I lost my family a second time, but something was different about me then." He let out a heavy sigh. "I met Bepo not long after, Shachi and Penguin shortly after that."

She peppered soft kisses along his forehead. She wanted to know more, but she knew she was lucky to get that much. A small pang of guilt filled her chest as she thought about the sister he lost, wondering if her improvised cover pretending to be his sister in Germa had hurt him. She held him close, continuing to graze her fingers across his hair and skin until his breathing became slow and steady. There was still a lot she didn't know about him, but it seemed like his secrets were a lot more like hers than she realized.

It was all going to be ok, though.

She was back in his arms, and she still had faith in him. He would tell her everything else when he could.

They still had time.

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[fandom-space-princess]

nobody asked for this but! a propos of nothing, some worldbuilding concepts I'm developing for a moderately crack-y bit of original sff:

- humanity spreads throughout the galaxy, an activity for which they'll need translation technology even before they come into contact with other species. people have a lot of languages, a lot of cultures, and those are going to mix and interact.

- translation between languages is always a very personal act, but it isn't always totally necessary to achieve comprehension. people have been making ourselves mutually intelligible to each other by any means necessary as long as we've existed. it follows that translation can work not simply on the principle of shared vocabulary, but more fundamentally, on a shared desire to communicate.

- therefore, concept: translator tech that relies not on some kind of shared universal language, but on shared interpersonal relationships. a translator that starts with a limited common syntax but works exponentially better the more you get to know someone.

- this would profoundly change the way that alliances are built between individuals and groups. if you want to communicate fully—to reasonably approach making yourself well-understood—you need to deliberately cultivate your relationships. you can only truly speak with nuance to the people who have built a good translation matrix with you, who have that context for you personally. maybe the standard for politics shifts to only negotiating with people you've known for years or decades. ambassadorship between cultures is expected to be the work of a lifetime.

ok. all of that can be taken medium seriously, and I probably will use it for something. this is the crack part:

- given the above, ambassadorial marriages aren't unimaginable. what if "allying with a new country or culture or planet" became synonymous with "adding a new partner to a polycule." you need a coalition of five disparate cultural groups? best start planning dinner dates

[temis-de-leon]

I'm surprised that you find it interesting & how different your MC is 😲 I would like to request a one-shot but I want to check with you first. Since I want to see all the 7 brother's reactions, would that be too many characters for a one-shot? Because if it is, then I would like to request headcanons for it!

I also want to request an AU where there are both of our MCs. Even better if they have an odd friendship with how different they are. Your MC is so interesting too! I have a little detail I want to add too since my MC is a descendant of Lilith!

Part of the reason Timid MC (what I decided to call my MC to make it easier. Feel free to give a different name because it's the best I could think of 🤣) gave up on actually talking to the brothers is because they were mostly brushed off or no one really cared about them. But the moment they found out they're Lilith's descendant, they want to actually talk to them.

It felt like they truly don't matter to them no matter what they do. Instead what changed their mind is because they happened to be her descendant which is something they hate because they're not someone's replacement but they're their own person.

I'm quite curious about the hcs post where MC tried to befriend the brothers but they were ignored. The brothers regretted later on. If you ever remember where it's from, could you tell me?

I also wanted to ask what you did mean. You mentioned that what makes most sense to you is that Timid MC didn't want to interact with the brothers & they didn't think about it until the angels and Solomon started talking about their friendship with MC.

Is it that the brothers thought about how MC didn't want to interact with them after the angels & Solomon mentioned how they're friends with MC. Is that what you meant? Because I wasn't too sure if I understood correctly 😅 - Romance Anon

I think something like this should be a long one-shot, but then it would take longer for me to write. That's what I added my MC here, because the idea of a friendship between two people so different could give more content and more reactions from the brothers and the dateables.

My MC's name is Dani and yours gives me Mousy vibes, scurrying away and putting effort in avoiding the brothers, brushed away until the brothers finally find there's "something of interest", being their sister's descendant.

Dani, in this retelling, would be the one trying to free Belphie because she wants to be put in danger, but if Belphie ends up attacking Mousy in some way, imagine the betrayal. First the brothers ignore them and brush them off, then their friend puts them in danger and now the brothers only care about them because they're someone's great great something.

It could be something interesting, but that should be multichapter if we want to really explore it. In the end, it's your request, so tell me what interests you the most ☺️

About the hcs, I really don't remember. It was a very short post, but that's it.

[eccentricallygothic]

Small World anon here again,sorry. I can't believe I left out one thing in that long ass ask of mine,where Bucky wouldn't ate without Reader. Like- That is so- 🥺 *sniffs* I know that you wrote that she's the homerunner so that means she's the one who cooks & do all the other houseworks,I understood it but it's still so cute and all the more heartbreaking,you know? 🥲 I also understood it as he wouldn't eat WITHOUT her. He wouldn't eat if she's not eating with him,like a proper family (married couple/old married couple) type of thing. Like even if the food's ready,he's not eating and refuses to eat if she doesn't too,WITH HIM 🥺😭 Does that mean Bucky refuses food when he's in jail the first time they served him after he got caught? Cause he was in bliss & on cloud nine for months living a normal domestic life with her that it's hard to let go even though he's mad at her for thinking she reported him so he refused eating the first time they gave him food in jail right after he got caught? Back to their domestic phase! That is so cute tho! He wouldn't eat without her,awww! 😭 He's tired and beat coming home from work and he's starving after a long shift and he's about to eat but he sees that Reader's not eating and now he's not eating either. They both need to be at the table EATING together for him able to eat AWWWWW 😭💕

Okay,okay,I'm done gushing about Small World. I'll stop being annoying now,seriously 😭 Btw,I wrote that very long review/feedback ahead so I can truly express every single thing on how I feel on each plot/scenes in Small World so I didn't notice that you've changed the picture you photoshopped to the one of a gif of Bucky from CA : TWS. In fact,it's still showing the photoshopped picture in my reblog lol. But my point still stands,I felt bad that you had to so much work for my request,including photoshopping. Just know that I really appreciate every single thing you do to perfect my fic request in such a short time,thank you so much again 🙏🏼❤❤❤ A million times thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🫂🫂🫂🫂

I also saw your posts and #kai rambles that I've missed. I'm so sorry for everything. I still felt bad about my late feedback but I understood you meant in general. Yeah,it sucked that people couldn't take the time to leave a feedback,a short comment,a reaction anything to a work that an author/writer put so much work and effort into in such a short time for our reading enjoyment. It's especially even more of a shitty move if it's a request a writer decided to take up and then there's just silence afterwards once the request is written...... Forever. Crickets,nothing. The writer doesn't even get paid for writing these requests. The least they could do is simply give a feedback,a short simple straight to the point feedback accompanied with a thank you. It's not that hard. I don't know. People need to be more appreciative. It's not easy at all to write,I tried and it's hard asf. Don't just go complete silence after a completed request,it's not too much to ask at all. It's the bare minimum. I know that a fic you've written have gotten 1k notes,prob reaching 2k now as we speak. I'd love nothing more than to see that kind of interactions happen again with every single one of your work because a talented,kind & humble writer like you is more than deserving of it ❤ I can try to be interactive but I'm one person. But try,I will. Cause it feels like the only way I can give back the same way writers like you put your heart & love into all of your works for our sake. So we would surreal reading experience. And it's really not asking much at all when the writers's the ones doing all the work between writers & readers.

Are you okay btw? I saw your #kai rambles,what's going on? If you need someone to talk to,you can vent to me,I'll dm you. If that's crossing the line,then you can just vent to me through these anon asks instead. You wrote that you felt insecure about your writings,that this app made you feel that way and that you might chuck it all one day. I want to plead to you please don't but this is YOUR blog and all the fics you wrote are YOUR works,YOUR properties so I have no say to say what you can or can't do with your own work. Your own blood,sweat & tears. But I will still have hope that you'll stay 🫂❤ I've found works from deactivated writers (and they're really good too) where I try to find that maybe they left their work up on AO3 but nothing. Can't find their full works anywhere,it's like they disappeared off the radar completely. And I've seen some talented writers deactivated and deleted all of their works from all the sites they posted them on. It truly felt like you just lost something important in your life,especially when you've been following their works for years and suddenly one day,they just disappeared. It's an empty feeling of loss that can be filled or replaced. Every writer is unique and has their own style. No 2 of them will ever truly be the same. It breaks my heart to know that such a creative and talented writer like you feels insecure about your own work and view them in a different light than your readers do? I'll convince you that your writings are perfect a million times if I have to. I'm so sorry that you still felt this way. Idk what to do to make you change your mind. The least I can do is offer support and tells you how much your writings meant to me. How happy it makes me. How it stayed in my mind for a long time afterwards 💜 Your writings are beautiful ❤ They're perfect 💕 And I'm not telling you what to do but I hope you'll stay here for a long time 🫂 Your writings are not how you see them at all. They're freaking amazing 🙏🏼 Also,I saw that you're taking a break from writing for a while,is that correct? If that's so then take care of yourself,honey ❤ Hope you'll feel a lot better once you return 🫂 I'll miss you but I understand 💜 Take care of yourself first 💜🫂 Lack of interactions can really be grating. Take care of yourself properly,I'll still be here if you ever want to talk 🫂❤ Sorry again for writing so long.

First off, I love the chokehold that Small World Bucky has us in 😂🩷

YESSS! Lord knows how I sobbed writing it because fuck if someone cared for me and my presence like that 🥺 (and I literally enjoy eating alone lmfao). No, you're right. It doesn't matter whether she has cooked or not because some days she can be sick and surely hubby isn't so heartless. It is totally that he DOES NOT eat without her regardless of whether it's take out or home cooked. After all, what kind of a couple doesn't eat together? 🥺❤️

I see Small World Bucky as a rather chill and laid-back kinda guy (I mean that isn't much different from canon Bucky I think) but you best believe the first few days of his prison food (if he even went there, that is 👀) was eaten by the walls and the floor. He just got betrayed by his future wife who he cannot eat without. Of course he's not just gonna say grace and enjoy the shitty slammer food 🙄

Thank you for your kind words, they are really heart warming and definitely uplifting. I do have to agree with you about what you said about response and feedback. But I also kinda dislike my writing and don't understand why people like it 💀 I've tried to stop many times but I can't. It's probably because I am a literature major and I compare these to the stuff I study and of course fanfic can never compare to those and English isn't even my first language but I can't help it still.

I am not sure about a 'break' because sometimes I feel like taking one but then I come back because I enjoy writing stories and being delulu hehe. Your words really do mean a lot to me and thank you again for taking the time to write such a sweet ask to me ilysm 🩷🩷🩷

You can interact with me however you feel comfy, I don't mind. Although I am not someone who likes to vent or talk about things because I feel like it doesn't actually solve anything 💀😂 yeah I am a pessimist like that. That's one of the reasons exactly why I stress rant in a cryptic way so it's not so out there but I can still get it out of me. Though the fact that you said you'll miss me is making me so 🥺🥺🩷🩷

Also please never apologize again for writing a lengthy ask to me. I am the same way and I do not mind it at all 🩷

[deeaselriel]

Why do people take the few interactions of Az & Gw*n and make it romantic or say that it hints their so called relationship, but completely deny THE OBVIOUS romantic coded scenes of Elriel? Those scenes where he goes basically to death FOR HER, the way she only opens up to him, their smiles and time spent together, the unusual ENERGY there is between them? That’s also mentioned by Feyre and not only. Even in ACOSF we have PLENTY of signs, but yeah, focus on the nonexistent ones bc y’all just want it SO BAD for Elain to not be with Az. That desperate you are!!LIKE WHY ON EARTH? Y’all just wrote EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH where Az’s & Gw*n’s name appear “together” and called it a day. Called it a “build up to their relationship”. Said it’s “so obvious they’re endgame”. No cuz I, ships aside & as someone that analyzes texts A LOT, I truly feel offended?! What books are y’all even reading? 😭😭😭😭 And how can y’all turn some simple interactions into some romantic sh!t that’s not?! It’s like saying that Feyre and Az have romantic feeling for each other bc they smile at eo or protect eo (Az more ofc). It’s plain… dumb? Like I’m sorry. 😂😂😂 What’s funny is that y’all don’t see (or pretend to not see maybe lol) the possible red flags & that whole light singer theory that actually makes sense. Now, that’s where you can say it’s hinted, cuz it happens TWO times; with different people. Guess who. 😂

No cuz as an Elriel girlie I have NO PEACE. On every single platform I’m bullied and I have things thrown at me that don’t even make sense. About this whole ship war. Read the f*cking books a billion times more and realize that YOU KNOW that Elriel is endgame, it’s just that the hatred for Elain is SO huge that y’all have to find any single reason to pair Az with someone else. And if I’m allowed, I’d go soo much more into detail about this whole Elain hatred movement, and say it as it is: Y’ALL HAVE INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY! On a scale that I can’t even pronounce it. And don’t say it’s not that, bc I SEE how y’all keep degrading her character bc she’s girly, feminine, sweet, kind, minds her business etc. Yall say she’s boring, but funny enough, she’s kinda just like Az, only that we know a little more about him. But yeah, she’s “boring” and “plain”, but he’s “mysterious” and “hot”. THE HYPOCRISY. I love them both to death, but y’all are HYPOCRITES and pick sides with d!ck having usually, and ONLY like women that have traits THAT MEN USUALLY HAVE. Explains why y’all complain all day and all night that Elain is not some warrior, doesn’t get all excited for fighting with swords or BEING A B!TCH! Cuz yeah, I also saw how much y’all like the mean asf characters. Makes me question a lot about y’all! 👀 It’s pretty telling for me what kind of people y’all are if you hate on a kind and feminine woman that minds her business. Like what on earth did she do so bad? Besides the things with Feyre, that even Feyre understood lmao, she’s a saint in comparison with the other characters. But she’s still the most hated in the fandom bc of misogyny and y’all can’t change my mind. I’ll repeat myself: ✨It’s ok to love ONLY b!tchy characters that are mean for whatever reason that fight left and right and have these traits that MEN usually have, but it’s OUTRAGEOUS to even LIKE someone that is FEMININE in every single way, that doesn’t put a sword in her hand and that is not a warrior 24/7✨This is how y’all sound. I guess y’all hate yourselves (aka women) so much that it results into this. SAAAAD. Y’all even invalidate Elain for killing the king of hybern, just like Nesta did and everyone around her. (El) SJM is teaching y’all a lesson through these books bc y’all put Elain down EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF YALLS PATHETIC LIVES. It’s in the books, if y’all wanna look. But it’s subtle asf, and it’s only for the ones that can interpret a book. Not for many of you I guess. 💀😂 Oh, and btw, SJM, the author herself said that out of all the characters Elain would be her best friend. She’s just that character that a normal human being would love to be around. Bc she’s chill, sweet and kind. She just brings so much peace around her. That’s the vibes. But ik, even with this y’all would disagree. 😂😂😂😂😂🙄 Bruh.

Whatever, I wrote so much and I don’t feel BAD AT ALL. Some things have to be said Ffs. Y’all are getting too brave for hating a genuine kind woman that likes to bake and plant flowers. 💀💀💀💀💀💀

Don’t even @ me or anything bc I know I’m right with everything I wrote here. And I have every right to also speak about this whole thing since many, MANY of you wished death to me, or told me I deserve to be R word just like my fave deserves. Aka Elain. Y’all are despicable people that don’t deserve sh!t and I hope karma gets y’all. 🌸🌸 The flower princess & the 👩‍🍳 of velaris says that we need to k!ll people with kindness. I think she’s a fan of Selena Gomez. 😂😂😂😂🌸✨ BYEEEEE.

[byers7wheeler]

Firstly I really, truly need you to understand you’re not a bad person for still enjoying the show and I am so sorry you’ve been made to feel that way.

I’m going to try and lay things out in a way that’s easy to understand:

Boycott - It can’t be boycott. ST is already getting made. Everyone is already getting paid. Nothing is stopping season 5’s release. People are being dramatic as hell and all you really can do to assist is cancel your Netflix subscription and not interact with posts on official pages (but absolutely post clips or screenshots etc same as usual for your own pages and enjoy them that way! For official accs it’s interaction levels people want to target)

You can also not buy merch, however if you receive merch as gifts from those who know that you like ST you are not a bad person for loving and keeping them!!! It’s not your money! I have to say that because I have seen others believe that, which is ridiculous. No logic to that.

“But then again there’s a literal genocide going on.” - Darling, it’s okay! It’s great that you show so much empathy, but there’s really only so much you can do. This specific situation is so dire, even things like donations as one normally would do to help have been discouraged because it’s not making it to the actual people! There’s a reason we sometimes feel helpless about it okay? You spread awareness when you feel you can, you go to protests if safe in your city, you write to any officials in your govt if safe to, you avoid giving to any brands you’re financially able to not support, and that’s kind of all right now. Recognizing your privilege in being able to step away when it feels mentally heavy is good too, but you’re still allowed to take a breather for a few days if needed. Nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your favorite show and your enjoyment of it.

The main thing:

A fandom is merely an extension of its source material, that is all fic writers, fan artists, video editors etc are doing. It is all fictional and removed from the streaming service. Nobody here is a marketing team - we all have SO much smaller influence than people think; we are not influencers, we are not promoters or journalists or review critics. Posting to your fandom feed does nothing. Posting to your personal Insta story about a new trailer? yeah that’s more promoting than sharing hype in a fandom space is.

If others can’t separate characters from actors, or are still at an immature stage where seeing someone’s face is enough to ruin their whole day and feel the need to change a character’s appearance because of it, or are unable to regulate themselves and step away and come back after cooling down instead of saying a million unnecessary things in the heat of the moment - that’s not my problem. It’s not your problem. They will try and make you think it’s your problem, what they’re saying and doing is truly morally correct (can’t be, they lack nuance in everything), that because they’re right you have to do exactly what they do - but you don’t. You can’t shut down a fandom and you shouldn’t. They can go away if they can’t separate things (and thankfully most are going away 🙏).

Nobody is pathetic or an asshole for still enjoying the show and everyone should keep an eye on the types of people who say things like that to guilt you (usually a fellow minor, mean spirited and often gets in random fights anyway, stans celebrities and isn’t used to a fandom where it’s understood fictional characters are not real people.).

Another big thing - it’s understandable to want opinions or talk things out with others, but I so discourage listening to anyone who tries to help but does so in a mean way (your gut will tell you). I say this because I saw you say the pressure of others is getting to you. Again I’m sorry, because that pressure is affecting so many people and it’s so good you broke free from that and asked instead of following blindly. So many of those people especially on tiktok will be minors and while they may know information, they don’t have a lot of experience and context to put it into and it’s all very surface level and performative. Not all of them, but definitely the one’s going for people’s throats. You’re 21 - find better sources and don’t listen to them. Step away from tiktok for a bit if you have to.

You’re not a shitty person. You’re not a shitty person. I hope you keep enjoying the show and when a wave of hate comes once filming starts or trailers drop I hope you stay strong! Try and find some people (preferably other mature adults) on tumblr or something to lean on! All love to you.

Omg anon you’re actually so fucking nice and sweet, I won’t even respond to all this I’ll respond more to your second one

[larryobrienjr9]

4/23/2023, 7:59 PM

My latest Tumblr post for CM 491 class

1.      What were your thoughts about your research topic going into the first week of the semester?

I was rather overwhelmed and unsure at the start of the semester. After meeting with Sharna and Alphie my original target audience was too broad. I had just set it up for anyone who was struggling to find was to better connect with the online world. Instead, they had me refocus the target audience to how lessons learned by the sports industry online could translate into helping educators make the often impersonal and cold online education space become a welcoming and highly interactive place. I wasn’t sure how to break down each topic or how to divide them between what each major league sport seemed to do best. 

2.      What are your thoughts now about your research topic and your project/practicum?

I think that Sharna and Alphie were right. Although it seemed like an impossible task at first their direction really helped me structure what I wanted to showcase. It let me show how lessoned learned in one industry- an early adaptor whose main purpose is for entertainment could be translated and adapted to help a completely separate industry that was struggling to adjust to the changing needs of its users long before the Pandemic forced Education to transition overnight from the traditional physical classroom to the online, digital space. Although online education has been around for over twenty years students and educators still struggle to fully connect and engage with both each other and the subject matter in the same ways as they would meeting in a physical classroom, at a set time, for a certain amount of weeks in a row. 

Although I am a huge sports fan, before starting this project last Fall and my meeting with Sharna and Alphie even I hadn’t really seen the connection where the sports industry would be “ teacher” and education the “student”.

3.      What did you learn about yourself as a creative through this journey?

Through this creative journey I learned that in order to put out the best product you have to be flexible and willing to change. Just because you have one idea at the beginning doesn't necessarily mean it's the best way to present an idea or a topic that's meaningful to others. Flexibility and willingness to change are often things I as someone with ADHD and Autism have struggled with when it comes to presenting ideas or changing plans. Once I have an idea, I usually like to stick with it no matter what but now I realize that just because it makes sense to me doesn't mean that it's clearly understood or presented for others.

I also realized that as a creative person it's great to have wide broad ideas and you don't want to limit your ideas in the early stages. However, it is critical before you decide on a final work to have plans in place to streamline your ideas. You don't want to stay for the creative process but at the same time you need to have direction that makes sense. I truly believe that there is no such thing as bad work or bad ideas, however they might not be the right ideas for a certain project. Sometimes if I come up with something now it may be fantastic for another project anywhere from six days to six years down the road. It's very important to be able to look through all those ideas decide what is best for the current project and build on those ideas while keeping the others to see if there's a way that can be tied in later or utilized for a future project or future expansion of the current project. I kept thinking back to George Lucas and the original Star Wars when he set up the Star Wars universe, he realized he didn't have a story for one movie he had a story that went up turning into dozens of movies, television programs, multiple cartoons, comic books and an entire universe. 

4.      What did you learn about the creative and production process?

I learned that the creative and production processes go far beyond just the ideas that someone present. Brainstorming and ideas are a great starting point but they're just that the beginning. The amount of effort and organization it takes to make a major work and highlight everything you wanted to show but do it in a way that shows your ideas to a public that might not have your same frame of reference it's very detailed. There are so many steps in place to make something come out right that is amazing. Something that looks so basic to the public and simple may have 10 or 15 developmental steps to get it to come across as clear concise and simple.

I also learned that you have to be flexible in your creative process and to give yourself enough time for that flexibility. No matter what happens something at some point is going to go wrong and delay your process. It could be anything from a computer glitch that delays you for an hour or two, or it could even be weather related, a shipping delay, or your actor gets sick. Point blank, something is going to happen no matter what you try the best intentions and plans need to be able to be flexible and adjusted. Before working on any project, you have to build in slack time so those problems and issues can be adjusted without delaying your work. I now realize that there are so many moving parts and pieces to something that looks basic that one delay could cause a project or film not to be released on time for a major holiday or for possibly hundreds if not thousands of people to be out of work simply because creativity and production were not realistic in the amount of time they were going to need. That's why it's crucial to understand that there are going to be hiccups and to have a plan in place to adjust for them accordingly. 

5.      What advice would you give new senior capstone students?

My advice to you is TIMING….Timing is everything from the first week of your Fall semester senior year until the week or two before graduation. You have to keep up on all of your assignments. Set time limits for yourself and then move on. If you are taking five classes or more this whole year is going to be rough. If you have six assignments due on the same day and you only have five hours to work then plan on giving each assignment just 45 minutes and then move on to the next. Its better to have something for every project then only completing one or two. Its a lot easier to find a few minute here and their to finish up or add to an assignment then it is to try to start one from the beginning if you are already behind with 3 or 4 other tasks that haven’t even been started. One assignment builds on the next.

Although you will be tired and want to take off the weeks of Thanksgiving and the month off between the semesters don’t. You need that time at Thanksgiving to get your papers finished for other classes and to set up (and get approval) for your capstone project. As soon as you have capstone approval start working on your project. Don’t wait until the semester starts to make plans, gather information, or plot out a basic structure of what you want to do. You need to be flexible but if you already have some idea of what you want and need to accomplish it will make it a lot easier to line up your deliverables on time with what your professor needs to have so you are done in time to graduate. This last semester will fly by and you will find yourself trying to balance everything including finding your new career which depends on you finishing your degree and graduating. You will go through every emotion this semester but just remember from times of great stress and change can come wonderful things. Anything you can do to make it easier for yourself the better the process will be.   

6.      Where to now?

For me this is still a work in progress. I have been preparing to get a permanent job and working on my resume. I spent the past year working as an extra on both Season 5 of Magnum P.I. and Season 2 of NCIS: Hawaii and I am set to start working with them again when they start filming the next seasons over the summer. I am hopeful that I will be able to get a more permanent job with the crew or casting agency now that I have completed my degree. The Covid Pandemic has actually helped the Hawaii Television and Film industry because many productions that were filming overseas have come to Hawaii instead. I am hoping to get a job in the editing room for one of these productions. I am also looking into creative media opportunities with some other local businesses and hotels. 

Once I graduate, I am also planning on monetizing videos on social media. I have had a lot of practice making YouTube videos for both of my Creative Media degrees and want to work on launching my own channel about real life in Hawaii mixed with in-person visits to landmarks, so kind of a tale of two worlds.

[the-void-writes]

“I saw you staring out of your own abyss again”

I want to thank you so much because you got me to actually write Vesely’s backstory 💖 So sorry if it’s a bit long, but the prompt really inspired me 🥰

TW: Implied child death

Freaks of Preston - Angels

“You’re doing it again.”

Gabe pressed his head against the window, watching the swing set in the backyard rock back and forth in the wind. He had only just built it, and yet the wood was starting to split.

“Doing what?” Gabe asked.

“Disappearing.” Vivian slowly twisted her cigarette in the ashtray, unblinking and permanently misty-eyed. “Into your mind, where I can’t follow.”

“You don’t need to be in there.”

“Right.”

He turned to look at her, frozen stiff on the couch. “Are you looking for an apology?”

“I don’t blame you.”

Her voice was so hollow, so flat, that they could both tell she was lying. She clutched her handkerchief tighter… No, Gabe thought, it looks too soft. It was a blanket, the embroidered one they bought for Paisley on her first birthday. Vivian had fished it out of the closet.

“We chose her spot,” she said, mostly to herself. “Right next to Grandmother. She would have loved her.”

Gabe closed his eyes, but she kept speaking.

“My parents are coming early to help set things up, and your sisters agreed to—”

“Of course, they did.”

He didn’t need to know what their excuse was. His family was only coming to reassess the plan, to convince him to try again. Someone in the family needed to pass on the genes, or else Father’s dream would be ruined. Gabe had never understood his desire for an all-Freak world until recently… after watching his daughter from the other side of the flames.

Everyone needed to change, for the good of the world. For all the future Paisleys.

“I’m leaving.”

Gabe opened his eyes, and they both caught each other’s gaze for the first time in a week.

“Why?” he asked.

“I thought I could keep going like this, for our little angel… But it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Viv, what are you talking about?”

She took out another cigarette and lit it, another layer of smoke and misery in their facade of a home.

“I’m not the brightest, I know, but I’m still observant. You could have chosen any girl in college, and you went with me.” She took a long, dull drag. “Because I’m a Freak like you.”

He didn’t try to argue. It wasn’t worth it.

“Paisley was the reason I stayed. There’s nothing else for us.”

“Viv—”

“What?” She glared at him. “Change my mind.”

Gabe could only sigh. It wasn’t fair to her, to keep her when she knew the truth. His vision for the future was being overshadowed by the small part of himself that may have truly loved her.

“I won’t stop you.”

Vivian relaxed her shoulders, surprised by his answer. She silently got up and walked upstairs, while Gabe stared at the rotting swing set once more, unwilling to think about the new plan he would have to make.

——————

The grocery store was oddly quiet, but Gabe preferred it that way. No families to walk around, no children running back and forth in the aisles. Just him and his thoughts, which had been his only real means of conversation since Vivian left after the funeral.

His family had left him alone, as well. Most likely, his father had labeled him a failure and moved on to his other two siblings for hope. It was becoming harder to care about what his father thought of him.

Gabe reached for a box on the shelf without looking, and ended up grabbing someone’s hand.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” the stranger said.

He was ready to trudge his way through another social interaction, to pretend to be the nice man down the street, but something was different this time. Never before had his heart pounded so furiously at the sight of someone.

The man was tall and rather pale, with eyes like ice over a shallow lake. His hair was the color of a fine red wine, running all the way down to his shoulders. The soft, shy smile on his face held more warmth than anything Gabe had ever witnessed before. This man was the living embodiment of an angel.

“Please, pardon me,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m a bit distracted today.”

Gabe shook himself awake. “Hey, you’re not alone.”

It still felt weird to speak so informally, but it was the decision he had made the same day he changed his name. No one could ever connect him to Paisley or Vivian, or his second chance at life would be ruined.

“Must be going around, right?”

He pointed to the box they had both reached for, a single package of children's cold syrup. Gabe had reached for it out of instinct.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He waved the box aside. “You can have it, I don’t know why I was reaching for it.”

“Oh, well thank you.”

Gabe watched him place the box in his cart, which was full of baby formula and diaper packs.

“Kids?” he asked, kicking himself for not being clearer.

“Huh— Oh, they’re for my neighbors! Dale broke his arm, so I’m grabbing stuff for his wife until he recovers.”

“You’re their errand boy, then.”

The man laughed, and Gabe thought it was a noise befitting for an angel like him.

“It’s not that bad. I love helping their family.” His voice faltered slightly. “They’re much nicer.”

Gabe could read his sad eyes like a book. “Believe me, I get it. Some places are nicer than the one you came from.”

“That’s very true.”

The man smiled right at him, and Gabe thought the world was shifting under his feet.

“Well, thank you for the medicine. Sorry for taking up your time.”

Without thinking, Gabe stuck out his hand before the man could walk away.

“I’m Phil,” he said, easily giving his new name.

The man shook his hand gently. “Jason.”

“Jason… Would you want to walk?”

He wasn’t ready for him to leave yet. Not when the world around them finally felt real, like waking up from a long dream. Gabe was pleased to see a light shade of pink covering Jason’s face and he hid a nervous smile.

“I would love to.”

And for the first time since Vivian and Paisley had left him, Gabe felt himself smile.