#i mean yeah gaslight 101

[acecroft]

I guess I was wrong.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022: #25 - #21

25. ARMENIA

Rosa Linn - “Snap”

20th place

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Overall placement: 50/79

[Above The Black Mamba, below James Newman]

Ugh, Fine. 

Time to finish this ranking turbo style! So yeah, I’m not impressed with The Biggest Eurovision Hit, which I suppose is a controversial opinion? Then again, if Rosa was so good, then why did she only make it 20th place, hmmm? 🤔🤔

When Rosa’s song leaked it sounded exactly like the type of song you’d expect  DMGP to commit murder for: a frivolous, cheery pop welterweight (which somehow has the same cadence as I’m Alive by Elhaida Dani) thats easy to listen to and doesn’t get in the way of stanning better things. 

At Eurovision, this was Rosa’s exact journey. She was a cute presence that was vaguely liked, and her staging supported this. (despite the staging mishaps, still pretty neat!) Don’t know what all the references in the lyrics are about, but we can pretend it added some depth and meaning, Into 20th place she went, which was a fair result for what her lovable random self brought to the table. 

Then, she went viral on TikTok, which honestly is more of an  “eww” than a “good on her” i m o. Okay, look, it defo does not surprise me that out of the entire 2022 catalogue this song became the viral one. TikTok viralness is a horrible metric for musical quality though. “Snap” works as a TikTok song specifcally because it doesn’t syphon attention away from whatever brainfart nonsense TikTokkers force on their feeds for a living. If you want a backing track to your “Make mac ‘n’ cheese by dumping the ingredients on a marble countertop” silliness or your indie song-singing 101 Tutorial, might as well pick something like a Snap as the accompanying backing track.

Also, I always felt the record label behind Rosa Linn was a bit too eager to get A Big Kicker on their conto. Remember when Rosa -likely on urging from her mentor Tamar Karpelian- attempted to start a respectful discussion on Twitter (oh dear) about how wonderful NFTs were (oh dear) because they helped establish a base income for fledgling artists,like herself (oh dearrrr) without having to rely on her songs getting streams? (oh dearrrrrrrrr)Twitter gave their usual gaslighting-disguised-as-concern response which in turn forced Rosa issue a semi-confused, half-arsed apology for attempting to profit from her work. Okay that was kinda funny, but by Monika Liu’s  grown-out bob, Zoomer drama is the nuttiest drama, I swear.

Anyway, the aforementioned NFT shizzle, the association with Tamar’s Slytherin Evil, the TikTok viralness and the radio people’s sudden insistence that “Snap” was A Hidden Underrated Gem despite it being an inconspicuous 20th placer at Eurivision THAT NOBODY CARED ABOUT, and also the fact that Snap has five different versions (HER?!) all kinda hints at a certain ambition that just... taints it a bit for me. It just feels like Snap’s popularity didn’t develop itself naturally and but came about due to largely commercial and monetary reasons, after which the sheeple convinced themselves retroactively that it was secretly great and very underrated, since you know, influencers would never twist the truth to us for their own profit. 

Overall the song’s fine in a vaccuum. Underneath its base sheer lie values that my crusty millennial monroe ass doesn’t share. FARE THEE WELL, MISS LINN, YOU GO BYE NOW!!!

 -----------------------

24. CROATIA

Mia Dimsic - “Guilty pleasure”

26th place

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 Decade placement: 47/79

[above The Roop, below Tusse]

Oh look, another vaguely pleasant, mildly likabable, and ultimately not very exciting middle-of-the-road pop melody. The cynic in you might think I’m ranking Mia ahead of Rosa because Mia didn’t go viral, and like always the cynic in you is correct! Hooray! 😁 Yeah sorry, in the ongoing battle of overrated vs underrated, it’s the correctly rated that always win :-) 

Still, like Rosa, Mia had the potential to be green on my ranking if she had cultivated a status as a fun random. TSwift IS a guilty pleasure of mine (except for her Midnights Era self which is unironically great) and while “Willow” is a part of the least exciting wing in Taylor’s musical library (ie: the part that isn’t crazed out through copium and/or severe neurosis), this bootlegged version was just cute enough to charm me.

Now of course, if your song is all about maintaining a certain level of delicate joie-de-vivre, it’s really important to not overdo the act and let the singer’s personal charisma carry it. Cue to the staging which looked like this:

What.

The.

Everlovin’.

Fuck?

There’s good staging and there is whatever the flyin’ fuck that was. Goodbye cutesie lounge vibe, goodbye charming performer, you’re completely overtaken by this overly choreographed, overtly dramatic and abrasive act that your song didn’t need. ONE dancer, NO acrobatics, how difficult is that to grasp, HRT? I’d be tempted to say the act was a cursed decision, but then realize Croatia’s frantic dance gremlins were probably the tipping point that allowed ~Systur~ into the finals, and any Eurovision final graced by those three earth angels has to count as a blessing. So thank you Mia for blessing us. ^_^ 

------------------------------------

23. GERMANY

Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

25th place

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Decade ranking: 45/79

[Above Tusse, below Undisclosed]

It is very common knowledge that nobody likes Rockstars, and fine, I don’t! As insipid as “Rockstars” was though, I don’t think it was completely without redeeming qualities.Malik had a baseline charm and really went for it, I guess. 

The German Selection, which had adopted the very... um... optimistic name “Germany, 12 points” for the occasion, (optimistic even if we believe the conspiracy theory the “12 points” alluded to the total numerical amount ARD were aiming for in Turin <3) was one of the worst in a horrible NF season. I was fucking relieved it produced a winner I could (sadly no more than) vaguely enjoy. Not everyone has the panache of getting distracted by their own soap bubble bonanza. 

Also, the SPOKEN WORD RAP BREAK was exactly what my brain and soul -both high on copium after the Alina Pash withdrawal- needed at the time. It didn’t blow me away or anything, but it at least gave me something tangible to cling onto besides “well this is nice, i guess”. 

For the rest though, ::tumbleweeds::. I think people might have been a bit too bandwagon-y in their Malik Mockery cus like, yeah he’s clearly getting last, don’t make it worse? But then again... he brought very little to the table. Besides the spoken word it’s like... cursive singing (petition to rename this to “Cursed Singing”) and instruments displayed on moth-eaten rugs to get points, you know? It’s like Germany were deliberately telegraphing us to NOT vote for them, again. But that’s less on Malik and more on ARD’s incompetence, which is a discussion for another time. 

-----------------------------------------------

22. NORTH MACEDONIA

Andrea - “Circles”

27th place

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Decade ranking: 44/79

[Above Malik, below Hurricane]

WE FINALLY MADE IT TO GREEN!!! Sadly we’re still in the No Man’s Land of VagueOpinionstan. 😣 

There is *something* about Andrea and “Circles” that resonates well with me? Is it the perfectly mimed frustration with a poorly communicating love interest? Is it the palpable resignation on her face as she helplessly bleats “u don’t wanna test my limits -_-”.

Maybe! What I do know is that I stan the critical amount of pure Sadsack Energy Andrea exhudes from every pore. 😍😍 I think she’s a contender for the most morose, Eeyore-ish person to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage? Reminder that this person won a selection  <33333 Andrea posseses a sort of theoretical anti-charisma that should render her unvoteable, and yet in practice just has me cling to every word crossing her lips. ALL SHE WANTS IS A HEALTHY CONVERSATION SO SHE CAN GET IT RIGHT AND FIX THE SITUATION, YOU GHOULS!!!

(and yes, the other Bubble favourite of floordrop sorcery making an appearance <3)

But then on top of that, Andrea also became A Highly Controversial Pick for NoMac!!!! Strangely not because she was an out-and-proud lesbian (although, an out-and-proud lesbian representing a toxic homophobe country from the Balkans <3333333) but because..... she dropped a wee plastic flag during the turquoise carpet. 

The toxic nationalists took it as HER DELIBERATELY TRAMPLING OUR MACEDONIAN PRIDE AFTER YEARS OF GREEK BULLYING. MRT even issued an official statement that they were CONSIDERING A WITHDRAWAL (with zero intention to actually quit of course) to appease the smooth-brained cunts until the quiet and expected NQ arrived. <3333333333

(knowing her misery was finally over, Andrea cracked a smile for the first time in her life <3)

This only enhanced Andrea’s Charlie Brown”-esque journey even more!! Just when Andrea looked like the token hapless last placer nobody loved, the results came in, and showed she *almost* made the final.  😍😍😍😍😍😍. If there’s one thing that horrible second semifinal should have done right and didn’t, is causing a NoMac qualification by means of fixed jury voting algorithms. Simply imagine the meltdowns over Andrea slaying Andromache AND Nadir. 😍 If only the EBU had the balls to NQ Azer on the spot, huh? Oh well, there’s always 2023 for that. 😈

----------------------------------

21. UKRAINE

Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”

1st place

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Decade ranking: 41/79

[Above Fyr og Flamme, below Eden Alene]

ugh i forgot he yelled Mariupol and Azofstal at the end of that and wasn’t DQ’d on the spot! Instantly regretting I didn’t rank Ukraine even LOWER. 😫😫😫 (no, don’t think about how much better Stefania would be without him, don’t do it Bobo, consider your mental health -- inner monologue while writing the rest of this post.)

So yeah, after all this inconspicuous also-ran filler (i’m definitely including Snap in that group), I’m eliminating the winner, the biggest televote winner Eurovision have ever had. “Have you no respect, Boris?”, you might ask and well... would I be me, if I had any, lol? I came into the 2022 season with hot takes and mental fortitude and thanks to Shitvidi I’m all out of fortitude, so~

Cynicism and self-awareness aside, let’s get the big elephant out of the room: The war had virtually no impact on my ranking here. I despise politics at Eurovision, (mostly because politics always affect it, but Eurovision NEVER affects the politics back), so there are two options here: Either downvote Ukraine for bringing politics into the contest, or make an exception and turn a blind eye. I chose option two. Nobody can begrudge Ukraine for attempting to pretend that the worst armed conflict to have hit them since WW2 hadn’t broken them, so I won’t. No points added or deducted.  . 

I do have good reasons to not rank Stefania higher though. I think you already know where this is headed - Sorry (for YOU) if you’re a fan of his, but Oleh suuuuuucks. It started at Vidbir when he led a small mob against that poor envelope lady and it was all sorts of messed up? Entitlement and bullying tinged with toxic nationalism, there ain’t no better first impression to make, am i right?

And very unfortunately my distaste towards Oleh also extends to his on-stage presence which I find really fucking obnoxious. The concept of a “Charismatic Black Hole” was one I didn’t fully understand until I first saw Oleh Psiuk set a foot on stage. Does anyone TRULY like  his presence here? All his verses do is distract from the chorus and instrumental, which is awful because those bits fucking slap! Airlift him and his ugly-ass hat the fuck outta here. 

Okay, so the winning song is actually... pretty good. It is NOT great though. Stefania is a weaker, safer and more cis-het version of “Shum”, which is suboptimal. Counterpoint is that “Shum” was Peak Ukraine (Which is also Peak Eurovision), and remains one of the best entries ever, so a lesser replication of that is still enjoyable overall. It made Ihor Didenchuk (who is also in Go_A) a Eurovision laureate! It kinda sucks the fandom didn’t come through at a time when Ukraine had, you know, an actually charismatic lead, but I suppose the power of love Damiano-induced boners does conquer all.

On the flip side, Ihor’s and Tymofii’s contributions are so good that they almost fully balance Oleh’s deteriorative and hammy rapping. Tymofii carries Stefania with his spot-on chanting and preposterous flute playback shenanigans. 

Ihor meanwhile just has a good time on the stage, disguised as one of the two Cousin It-like entities <3 Add in some tasteful staging and hell, even the fact that this song is in essence an ode to someone’s (You Know Who’s) actual mom, (and not  the forced, cringe, jingoistic metaphor it later became) and you have an entry that definitely makes sense as a jury fourth placer and top fiver overall.

Now obviously, I would have preferred for Ukraine to not win because they were not the best option (not by a mile!), and ofc also because I hate their lead, but I’m not fully broken up that they beat my faves. Sometimes there are powers at work beyond our control and that’s fine. Not everything in life must be catered to our tastes. Ukraine are the best Eurovision country, and it doesn’t matter how or when they catch up to (and pass) Ireland and Sweden, as long as it happens during my lifespan. 🤷‍♀️

Still think Pinkbucket’s a thuggish little punk though. Prayer circle that the next time Ukraine win, it’s with someone actually worth stanning. 🙂

CONGRATULATIONS TOP 20!!!

ALBANIA - AUSTRIA - CZECH REP - ESTONIA - FRANCE -

GEORGIA - ICELAND - IRELAND - LITHUANIA - MALTA -

MOLDOVA - THE NETHERLANDS - PORTUGAL - ROMANIA - SAN MARINO -

SERBIA - SLOVENIA - SPAIN  - SWEDEN - UK

THE RANKING 

21. UKRAINE - Kalush Orchestra - “Stefania”

22. NORTH MACEDONIA - Andrea - “Circles”

23. GERMANY - Malik Harris - “Rockstars”

24. CROATIA - Mia Dimšić - “Guilty pleasure”

25. ARMENIA - Rosa Linn - “Snap”

26. CYPRUS - Andromache - “Ela”

27. LATVIA - Citi Zeni - “Eat your salad”

28. DENMARK - ReDDI - “The show”

29. BULGARIA - Intelligent Music Project - “Intention”

30. GREECE - Amanda Tenjford - “Die together”

31. POLAND - Ochman - “River”

32. MONTENEGRO - Vladana - “Breathe”

33. FINLAND - The Rasmus - "Jezebel"

34. BELGIUM - Jérémie Makiese - “Miss you”

35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana”

36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same”

37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry”

38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black”

39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi”

40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

[sparkling-moonbeam]

💜Scaramouche x Reader💜

A/N: This is an idea that suddenly popped out of my mind so I decided to write it. The reader is gender-neutral and this is a fluff. Enjoy reading and have a nice day!

Oh and there are some curse words cause it's Scara.

💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜

Being a harbinger is something you can’t be fully proud of. At least, that’s how you feel upon staring at the badge the Tsaritsa gave you. But you don’t really have a choice, you can’t just pass an opportunity of making your life a bit easier. Even if you try to deny the offer, your head would be a target for the Fatui. Surviving in the cold weather of Snezhnaya is already a pain in the back, you don’t want to make it worse.

Your job as a harbinger is really simple. You seldom cut someone’s throat as you’re more often assigned in “gathering information from the inside” type of missions. When it comes to highly secured territories, you’re the one to take the lead. You don’t need assistance or anything as you mostly take the act you also planned and set it in motion. Maybe it’s from the experience of once working in front of many people, wearing a mask to suit everyone’s taste, pursuing them to trust you.

As the Tsaritsa told you, you’re competent. A people pleaser like you can read people so easily that one look can immediately give you an inference on the personality you will need to portray on your target. When it comes to finishing someone, you do it quickly. As soon as you got their trust, it was also the time to sing them a lullaby to their own doom.

A sigh escaped your lips, being a harbinger sets you in the boundary of everything. It always felt like you’re in between of opposing arguments. It’s thrilling but also confusing, maybe it’s just your morals kicking you in the guts but it’s too late for that. The moment you bow down in front of the Tsaritsa’s throne, it was all gone.

“I never knew a deaf could be a harbinger.”

Your eyes shifted from your badge to the source of the voice. The sixth harbinger, casually hanging out in your office’s couch. He must have entered your office while you’re busy paying attention on your thoughts.

“Do you have any idea how many times I knocked on your door? I would’ve thought you’ve been killed in your office if I didn’t know you any better,” he continued.

“I’m thinking about important stuff, I didn’t notice.”

He scoffed. “You didn’t even bother to apologize, how rude.”

You blinked at him, staring to his eyes. Scaramouche, or also known as Balladeer has been the one to always barge into your office like it was his own for the first months. The first time you met him was just like this, except the fact that you’re working on paper documents that time and he didn’t knocked, he just barged in. You remember how he didn’t ask your name and where you from, just straight up gave the file the Tsaritsa wanted to give to you, informing you with a bunch of small insults here and there before leaving and slamming the door.

Your first thought was maybe he didn’t like you or your impression, not that it matters anyway. Until you found out that he also does that to other harbingers, especially when he’s having too much to work with in his plate.

“You know, no matter how long you looked at that badge, it won’t disappear.”

You look at the balladeer with his statement. He stood up, slowly walking towards your table as he crossed his arms. “I’ve been wanting to ask you this since it’s disturbing my thoughts, are you really…chickening out? After being here for so long, that’s quite disappointing.”

You let out a scoff at his question, your eyes narrowing at his glinted eyes. You know how Scaramouche is, the way he works with his words to initiate tension. You won’t fall for it but still you wanted to admit how well he can cause tension and get away from it.

“You’re asking…me? What happened to your ‘good intuition’, the sixth harbinger?” You retorted, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled. “That’s more like you. I just hate how you always look at your stupid badge every time I see you, it irks me.”

“That’s more like your problem, not mine.”

“I hate it still, so I will need an explanation.”

“Wow, is this manipulation 101?”

“Y/n.” He sternly called your name, his eyes softening a bit. “I wanted to know if something is bugging your mind, I’ll help if I can.”

You remained silent as a sigh escaped your lips. You reached for the file you’re supposed to read a while ago if only you didn’t space out. “It was nine days ago..”

He hummed urging you to continue. He sat down on the chair opposite to yours, waiting for your next words.

“When I learned something about a certain topic, it’s…quite bizarre.”

You looked at him seriously, his indigo orbs meeting yours. You can see how his trying to listen…how his patience is slowly thinning out on your slow words and his own pretention.

A smile formed your lips. “Gaslighting. Oh, what a bizarre topic and thing to do, right Scaramouche?”

You dramatically placed your hand on your chest as you gave him a look of pity. He clicked his tongue before standing up, fixing his hat in the process.

“Fuck you and your stupid badge.”

You laughed. His visible frustration is entertaining, especially when he cussed. Something about his cussing words just hits deeply, you can’t help but laugh.

“I waste my time for this stupid shit. I should’ve known.”

As he took a step away from table, you quickly stood up, reaching for his hand to stop him. He looked back at you with an annoyed expression. He was about to slap your hands off him but he stopped as soon as he heard you talk.

“Wait, alright. I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not half wrong but..I get the glimpse of what you’re trying to do. Just sit down. I promise, no more jokes.”

It took a couple of seconds before he spoke up. “No more fucking jokes.”

You nodded. He let out a sigh before he propped down on the chair again. You sat again too as you compose yourself.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

You bit the insides from your cheek to prevent yourself from chuckling. That’s more like him, you thought.

“This badge isn’t mine, dumbass.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Is it from an agent? A traitor perhaps? Just say the word and I’ll finish them off-”

“No need for violence, it was from a harbinger.”

His eyes widened a bit. “Did you…killed a harbinger? Y/n, that’s not how you raise your rank. You’re a trai-”

“I didn’t kill someone, why are you insisting that?”

He shrugged, leaning on the chair as he hums. He must have been playing with you as a revenge from earlier. What a child.

“It’s from a harbinger that’s been bugging me. Not in a bad way,” you cleared out before he can even decide to say a violent statement again.

“Bugging you but not in a bad way? What the heck is that supposed to mean?”

You mentally facepalmed, of course he wouldn’t know. He probably never felt that way for someone too. Now, you’re rethinking your decisions on telling him. Time for a more direct approach.

“I think I like someone.”

Silence.

You were replied by silence for almost a minute before a chuckled erupted from him. You shook your head as you listen to his laugh.

“You like someone? And you stole their badge because you like them? What a creepy move, are you a stalker?”

You rolled your eyes before you stand up, holding the file on your arms. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll need to submit this file before dinner time, bye.”

As you held the doorknob, you can still hear his laughter from your back. Maybe, you’ll tell him some other time but, you promised yourself. You even practice on the mirror on what to say, it’s ridiculous. Your eyes landed on the badge. Every time you look at it, it reminds you of the glint in his eyes then you’ll see your reflection, making you ask yourself on how did you get yourself into this.

“Hey, Scara.”

You turned around, his laughed slowly stopped as he looked at you.

“Remember the camp last month?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Why are you asking me about such a horrible day.”

“Childe accidentally took your badge then replace it since you were pretty mad that day. It won’t be a good result if you’ve known he touched some of your belongings.”

He blinked. “And you didn’t tell me? That rascal, good thing he know what will happen.”

“I actually found it so here you go.”

You hummed, taking a last look on the badge before you throw it to him. He easily caught it with one hand, staring at it for a second. You saw how his eyes widen a bit before glancing at you again.

“This badge…is mine and what you said about it earlier…”

Your throat felt dry the moment you meet each other eyes. You tried to smile, forcing yourself to formulate some words your mind came up with.

“You’re making me feel complicated things, it’s unfitting for a harbinger.”

[moonlightdancer26]

Came across a wild "bellatrix is a feminist icon" post with 100% sincerity from the poster. Yeah girl, torturing other women for not being pure of blood is soooo progressive! Poster also called Wanda and Cruella feminist 😬 God, can fandoms stop calling abusive/cruel/racist women "feminist icons"? Feel free to love them however much you want, they're just fictional after all, but for fuck's sake keep feminism out of your mouth when you try to defend them.

Bro…

torturing other women for not being pure of blood is soooo progressive!

I think the OP’s also forgetting that Bellatrix fawned obsessed over and devoted her entire life to a man who treated her like absolute trash. She actively supported an elitist terrorist group to take any non-purebloods’ rights away, she tortured countless innocent people, including women, and she was more than happy with tossing Hermione—a muggleborn woman—over to Greyback—who 1. is a pedophile, rapist, and cannibal 2. was strongly implied to have lusted after Mione—and let him do whatever he wanted with her. She didn’t even have a problem with throwing Draco—her sister’s son—to the werewolves. Bella’s entire personality revolved around 1. a man who couldn’t care less about her and took advantage of her “love” for him and 2. taking away people’s rights (she even murdered a house-elf bruh).

Me who just spent two minutes looking for more info about who anon is talking about and then actually found the post: I just found what you’re talking about, anon, and I’m going insane rn. The fact that I saw some Snape fans agreeing with the poster is making me… question things. (I like how the OP tried to use “why can’t a villain be a feminist icon?” as an argument 💀)

I remember seeing a “Bella is a feminist icon” post from harrypotterconfessions, I thought the person who submitted that was crazy for a sec but then I tried to gaslight myself into believing they were a troll and didn’t mean it. 😀 It scares me that there are people who think like this.

Feminism is not torturing people—including women (I feel the need to mention women because almost all Bella stans who think like this are misandrists)—into insanity and, like I said, actively supporting an elitist terrorist group to take any non-purebloods’ rights away. I cannot even think of a single thing Bella did in the entire series that would make anyone think of her as a feminist.

And I like how the OP tried to use Bella’s powers as evidence of her supposed feminism, as if there weren’t several other powerful witches in the series. Plus?? Bella got her ass kicked by Molly Weasley (and even got outsmarted by a bunch of teenage girls but that’s besides the point).

Poster also called Wanda and Cruella feminist 😬

Ahh. Of course they’re a Wendy stan, of-fucking-course. (I’m not even gonna spend my time on this, Wanda stans are a different breed istg.)

As for Cruella. If they’re talking about Cruella from the Cruella movie (she’s a total queen, Emma Stone was perfect for the role!), then I can at least understand it a bit more; she’s a diva and a fashion icon. But if they’re talking about Cruella from 101 Dalmatians, then how the hell is she in any way a feminist? The Cruella movie mostly acts as a stand-alone film, hence separate from the 101 Dalmatians universe, so I’m pretty sure it isn’t to be considered canon to the Disney film (correct me if I’m wrong, I didn’t find much info about it).

God, can fandoms stop calling abusive/cruel/racist women "feminist icons"?

Still waiting for the day, anon. They can love them as much as they can, I absolutely adore Bella and Cruella (Wanda can fuck off), but ffs these people are getting way too loose with the term “feminist.” Why can’t people just google the definition of feminist? Google is free… and it takes less than 15 seconds.

but for fuck's sake keep feminism out of your mouth when you try to defend them.

THANK YOU

And just so y’all know, this post is not meant to send any hate to the OP—if any of my followers know who anon and I are talking about, please just leave them be. The claims they’ve made aren’t new to me, this post was meant to merely debunk said claims.

One last thing, anon, I’d like to inform you that I think you’ve caused me to develop a bit of a passion for this topic—my answer was a lot longer than I intended it to be. 👀

[romanianwilkinson]

EVEN MORE DISCORD SERVER SENTENCE STARTERS

A collection of quotes from my Discord server with friends. Feel free to change pronouns/wording as desired. CONTENT WARNING(S) FOR: Suggestive, crude, violence, gore, absolutely cursed. [ PART 1 ] [ PART 2 ]

“ Murder is therapeutic! ”

“ IT’S CALLED BEING AWESOME AND FUCKING POWERFUL AND I’M DOING IT. ”

“ I've given them an 8ft tall juice box. ” “ It's full of bone juice! ” “ NOT THAT KIND OF BONE JUICE!! ”

“ I KNOW BUT [NAME]’S FAT ASS IS MAKING ME ACT FUNNY. ”

“ [NAME]... You burp like dads sneeze. ”

“ Catboy twink shortage. ”

“ I'M NOT LETTING THE GOVERNMENT TAKE AWAY MY CATGIRLS! ”

“ Has the government already taken catboys? ”

“ Why does it always come back to the catpeople here? ”

“ The government outlaws catboys and confiscates the catgirls. ”

“ It's always either cat people, tearing down the government, or tiddies. ”

“ [NAME], that’s cannibalism, you can’t do that. ”

“ You can’t eat gods without toebeans. ”

“ HELL YEAH, SHE’S CONFIRMED FOR NOT JESUS! ”

“ You're telling me, that someone's been holding out retractable titties on us?! ”

“ WHY DO YOU WANT TO BANG BUTCH HARTMAN?! ”

“ Do the drums, but sexy. ”

“ She is attractive because she is the Devil. This is what we have learned from Catholicism. ”

“ WHAT ELSE ARE TIRES, OTHER THAN CAR BEANS!!!!!! ”

“ She is a Snacc, so you hold her securely like one. ”

“ Holy cake, call that communion bread. ”

“ It's a skeleton, I don't think it has a gender. ”

“ You’re straight, you’re not majestic. ”

“ INDEED. I HAVE HOOVES. ”

“ How to Give Your Enemies Trauma 101. ”

“ Quiet, we’re approaching the therapist paddock. ”

“ Jesus has breached containment. ”

“ I really am cursed with knowledge of forbidden snacks. ”

“ Hey pog, are ya champ? ”

“ You ever look at a sheep? There's something messed up about sheep. ”

“ I can’t be convinced the art of charcuterie boards is not something inherently fae in nature. ”

“ THEY MUST FUSE FOR THE ULTIMATE CHICKEN TENDIE. ”

“ We shall absorb the folly of man, grow and expand those snacks until they become a really big tendie. ”

“ GOD I FORGOT HOW PLANTS SMELL PLEASE BURY ME IN THE DIRT I AM LIVING!!!!!!!!!! ”

“ Size of a cow, the speed of a cheetah. ”

“ NEWS OUTLETS NEED TO STOP ASKING UNINVITED PEOPLE TO COME TO MY HOUSE. ”

“ This is what plays in my head when I'm Head Empty No Thoughts. ”

“ ... Okay. Exception made, but only specifically for roasting those overrated turkeys. ”

“ THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE DAY I'VE AWAITED FOR. ”

“ THE APOTHEOSIS IS UPON US! ”

“ The wives that stay together commit war crimes together. ”

“ They tell time, they tell temperature, isn’t there anything a cat can’t tell you! ”

“ THE SHRIMP ARE FIGHTINGGGG. ”

“ Today is the day he officially babied for the first time. ”

“ I HAVE COME TO PROTECT MY WIFE. ”

“ Oops I've accidentally created a murderer. ”

“ You're all dying??? Can't relate. ”

“ Sometimes all you need to make a friend, is to devour their corpse. ”

“ I mean I was talking about her big mommy milkers, but I also wanted to leave my words up to interpretation. ”

“ If your coven gathering doesn't include some dick jokes, what's the actual point? ”

“ I’m legally not allowed to kill, or have anyone die for me. ”

“ YOU CANNOT CLEAVER YOUR WAY OUT OF DOUBLE STANDARDS! ”

“ Get back here!!! We've got a BURGEONING FRIENDSHIP now, so that means you also get the aggressive self care spiel! ”

“ To no one's surprise, it was indeed, more gay shit. ”

“ [NAME] absolutely could become Sonic the Hedgehog if he had the means, and thus must never be allowed to do so. ”

“ THE WRITERS HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN WITH THIS SEASON - GIVE ME A BREAK. ”

“ I want to get into a gunfight on top of an elephant. ”

“ You know you want to get into an elephant-based gunfight! ”

“ If only [NAME] had the attention span to assist in scientific exploits instead of just like. Punching people. ”

“ Which god is the one punching my death member's club card? I wanna make sure I get that free sundae after 7 punches. ”

“ EVERYONE WILL APPRECIATE THE WALL BC ITS A GOOD DAMN WALL. ”

“ PLEASE GIVE US THE REVERSE MONSTERFUCKING WE ALL DESIRE. ”

“ Okay, I know you're right, let me have my dignity. ”

“ She can have a little licky. A little taste. As a treat. ”

“ I MEAN THERE WAS TONGUE. JUST NOT. IN THE WAY YOU'D THINK. ”

“ When will I get devoted worshippers? ”

“ I mean, they COULD, but then we wouldn't have Delicious Fanfiction Tropes. ”

“ Which level is Dante Alighieri in? I wanna punch him in the schnozz. ”

“ Gender? Never met 'em. ”

“ Wasabioli wasabioli give me the formuoli. ”

“ Don't ‘de-flesh’ my bones. ”

“ Would it be better if I fleshed your bones then? ” “ Yes. Give me more of that good bone flesh. ”

“ I inject you with more of the bone juice. ”

“ WHY ARE THE GODZILLA PEOPLE STALKING ME? ”

“ BECOME ONE WITH THE WORMS. ”

“ Oh, I'm a self-made sauce type. ”

“ Stop using chairs in unstable ways! ”

“ I’m travel size for convenience, and that convenience is crimes. ”

“ The mountains are proud and dependable, unlike us airsick lowlanders. ”

“ THE MOUNTAINS ARE GASLIGHTING YOU. ”

“ WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YUNS? ”

“ Ny’all is the one true contraction. ”

“ Y'all are both cursed to me. I've never heard nor read these words in my life. ”

“ Not the false prophets again. ”

“ The thigh is blessed. ”

“ I've seen him at practice, and I can assure you he has an ass. ”

“ I will put anything and everything I want onto my pizza as I please, including you. ”

“ Bone apple tea. ”

“ I progressed the regress. ”

“ Cult of the new moon gender! ”

“ I wish to be a unit of measurement. ”

“ Wh... How many hands does [NAME] HAVE?? ”

“ Which has absolutely nothing to do with Mothman. ”

“ That’s right: the robot wife was me all along! ”

[rip-apush]

Won't You Love Me?

A fanfiction

Link to AO3

(I don’t usually post my fanfics here, but this one fits the ~academic vibe~ (kinda, if only in the sense that it is related to ~classic literature~) so here we are)

Summary:

Winston wants O'Brien to pay attention to him, even if that means O'Brien is just torturing him. Featuring: Simp Winston, Calculating O'Brien, and Uncomfortable Torture Scenes

Notes:

So my friends decided that we were going to write Winbrien fanfiction one day, so we all got onto a group call and wrote some. This is what I wrote. I'd like to apologize to my English teacher. This is probably not what you had in mind when we read 1984.

Word Count: 2558

Trigger Warnings: Unhealthy relationships, Gaslighting (nothing not in the book, it's 1984 after all), Torture (again, nothing not in the book)

Winston gazed into the moody depths of O’Brien’s eyes. This was the man who had broken him. The man who had torn down his humanity, sucked all individuality out of him, and in its place put love for Big Brother. The theft of his identity would usually be something Winston resented a person for, yet in this case, he did not. For he loved Big Brother. He loved this new person he had become. O’Brien could never — would never — love him, were it not for the passionate love for Big Brother that now filled him. Indeed, O’Brien was the closest thing he would have to Big Brother, and he loved Big Brother, so in a way he did not love O’Brien, but rather the greater cause he represented.

The Party had outlawed passion, except that for Big Brother. But the Party was Big Brother, and Big Brother was the Party, and they were all the Party, so really, Winston did not love O’Brien, but rather Big Brother in O’Brien’s shell.

That was what he told himself, anyway.

As Winston looked into O’Brien’s eyes, he thought about how he had come to this place, how he had come to love O’Brien and Big Brother so completely.

It had started when he was being tortured in Room 101. As he renounced Julia, wishing the rats upon her in his stead, he no longer loved her. He had betrayed her, well and fully. Doing such a thing stopped up what had been the torrent of love. Everything that made him Winston had gone. He had been reborn. And the first face Winston saw in this new life was O’Brien’s. O’Brien’s cruel yet kind face.

How could he not fall in love with a face such as that? The man who had given him this new identity, who had transformed him into a true member of the Party. Yes, a member of the beloved Party! This new Winston loved the Party, loved Big Brother, loved his new identity, thus loved O’Brien. It was then he realized his love for O’Brien.

At the time, he could not reveal it, of course. Even though his love for O’Brien stemmed from a love for all good in Oceania, the Party would not accept such an excuse. After all, it was certain that O’Brien didn’t have the same love for Winston as Winston did for him. O’Brien- he was a good person. He had only broken Winston because that was his job. That is what O’Brien did to all Thought criminals. He reformed all of them. Winston was not special in that sense. Although he was glad he had been reformed (how else could he have learned the true meaning of love?), he wished that O’Brien didn’t reform others. He wished O’Brien only had reformed him, for then Winston would be special. Then his redemption would show that O’Brien loved him.

But then, Winston supposed, O’Brien would not be O’Brien. He loved O’Brien for his kindness nested inside of his cruelty, for his determination to make the world right.

Once Winston realized his love for O’Brien, he knew he had to find a way to be with O’Brien for as much time as possible. O’Brien would call on him, and instead of lying to disguise his thoughtcrime he began lying to disguise his conformity.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” O’Brien asked.

“Four,” Winston replied.

“False, I am holding up five,” O’Brien corrected.

Indeed, Winston began to see five fingers. He was wrong the last time. But if he answered correctly, O’Brien would give him less attention. Winston wanted to occupy as much of O’Brien’s time as possible. He wanted as much attention from O’Brien as possible, even if it was negative. Because at least O’Brien would be watching him. He had to reform his expression, twist it so O’Brien would see hatred and anger instead of reverence and love. It pained him to do so, but it was not so painful as being ignored.

Of course, O’Brien was quite observant. He saw right through Winston’s ruse.

Roughly a week after the incident in Room 101 (time was hard to measure in the Ministry of Love, but that was his estimation), O’Brien was torturing Winston, as usual. What had been torture to Winston before had actually become rather enjoyable, for when O’Brien was slapping him, shoving him, kicking him, all of O’Brien’s attention was focused on Winston. Winston could see in O’Brien’s eyes that O’Brien’s mind was thinking of nothing but him.

As O’Brien’s Party-issued steel-tipped boot made contact with Winston’s chest, Winston’s carefully orchestrated mask of hatred slipped, and he instead smiled. O’Brien, ever attentive to Winston in their torture sessions, noticed this.

“Is that a smile I see?” O’Brien asked.

Winston realized his grave error, and affixed the furious expression back on his face, shaking his head fiercely.

O’Brien arched a dark eyebrow. “Are you lying to me?”

Once again, Winston shook his head. “No, I would never lie to you. I could never lie, I promise I’m not lying-” “Then are you saying I am wrong in my observation? Are you implying that I am incorrect?”

Winston’s thoughts raced. What could he say? He obviously could not say O’Brien’s observation was wrong, not when O’Brien knew it was right. But he didn’t want to admit the odd satisfaction O’Brien’s abuse gave him. Although perhaps if Winston said O’Brien was wrong, he’d be kicked even more… No, it was time to come clean.

“I’m sorry. I did lie to you, I’m so sorry, I did smile.” Winston was sobbing, his face in a real expression of anguish. O’Brien would now know that the torture wasn’t torture at all, he would realize that Winston wanted his attention, he would realize that Winston loved him, he would realize that the best way to hurt Winston would be to ignore him.

“I see.” O’Brien’s expression grew calculating. “Do you enjoy it when I torture you?”

Winston nodded, unable to form words because of the thick lump in his throat.

O’Brien drew his hand to his face in a thoughtful gesture, nodding to himself. “Yes, that seems right. I thought something had been a bit off this past week. I couldn’t pinpoint it, but yeah… That sounds about right. I’m going to ask you several questions, and I want you to answer honestly. If you lie, I will know.”

Winston’s head bobbed up and down. He had been stripped of all dignity that was left.

O’Brien held up three fingers. “I am holding up two fingers.” Suddenly, the third finger faded, being replaced by two. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

Winston coughed, trying to clear his throat. He managed to croak out a “Two.”

“How many was I holding up originally?”

“Two.”

“Were you lying this past week to seem like a thoughtcriminal?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love the Party?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love Big Brother?” “Yes.”

“Do you love me?” “Yes.” Winston’s voice broke.

“I see. So you are not a thoughtcriminal at all, except in that you love me… This presents an interesting dilemma, for love toward any individual that is not Big Brother is forbidden. Might I ask why you love me?”

Winston was willing to explain his love, but how could he do so? He took a minute to gather his thoughts, for this was a topic he had long thought about in his hours alone. “Well, when you had emptied me of myself, when I had betrayed Julia, I transformed into a new person. I was reborn, and it was you who had formed me. How could I not revere you? How could I not love you? I loved Big Brother and the Party, and not only had you given me my love for them, but you also were them. How could I not love you?”

“Ah. Well, this leaves us with two options. You would either receive another torturer and they would reform you instead, or I could set you free.” “You would set me free?” There was hope- but then, freedom would only be freedom if O’Brien was there with him. Freedom was slavery to O’Brien. O’Brien’s war made for Winston’s peace. The world’s ignorance of his love made for strength.

“You do love Big Brother and the Party,” O’Brien said, “You are obviously loyal to the Party. I see no reason for why you would rebel, particularly if your love for me stems from your love for them.”

“But would I be separated from you, then?”

“Probably.”

“Then let me stay here. Let me have some other torturer, but let me stay here and possibly see you in the hallways. I would rather face abuse at another’s hands than let you fade from my life. I’ll take any contact. Anything. Just let me be in your life. Let you be in my life. Please, I beg of you. I’ll do anything.”

O’Brien gave Winston a wry smile, looking quite amused. “Well I suppose I should reward such devotion… Perhaps… hm, one of my assistants recently was arrested for thoughtcrime. It was quite a shame, but perhaps…”

Winston’s eyes brightened, his entire face hopeful.

“Yes, I’m in need of a new assistant. I wish there was someone I could hire… Someone who was dedicated to me and willing to indulge my whims. I’ve held off from hiring a new one due to my busy schedule, after all the Inner Party is quite a bit of work…”

“Could I be your assistant?”

O’Brien quirked his eyebrows in mock shock. Winston really did love those eyebrows. He loved all of O’Brien, of course, but those eyebrows in particular. “Wow, Winston. What a brilliant idea. Then, I will also be able to keep an eye on you in case you develop any… unorthodox thoughts or behaviors. Not that the Thought Police wouldn’t catch you anyway, but an extra pair of eyes could never hurt. Also, I’ll easily be able to punish you if necessary.”

“Thank you, oh thank you!” Winston gasped. He grasped at O’Brien's ankles.

O’Brien promptly shook him off. “I must send you back to your cell, I’m afraid. I’ll go through the process to release you, but in a few days or weeks, you will hopefully be serving me.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Guards were called in, and they dragged Winston back to his cell. Usually that caused him a good deal of pain as his bruises were deepened by the bumping along the hard tile, but he was far too happy with the outcome of the last session. Of course, he fastened his face into a numb expression again, so the guards didn’t suspect anything, but inside he was soaring, flying.

His time in the small prison used to make him miserable. Now, though, he had hope. He could be with O’Brien. He would be with O’Brien at all hours- or well, not all hours, but enough. It would be enough. And hopefully O’Brien would give him even more attention now. Maybe. Then again, O’Brien was a busy man… But now his life would be devoted to the three things he loved more than anything: Big Brother, the Party, and O’Brien.

A few days later, O’Brien was good on his word. Winston was released from the Ministry of Love. The Party member who released him explained that his apartment had been taken away and given to someone else, so he would have to go to O’Brien to find housing. This filled Winston with hope, for it probably meant he would be able to live near O’Brien.

The ride to O’Brien’s was filled with excitement. Neutralizing his expression had become second nature by then, but it was getting harder to do as his dream slowly was becoming reality. He had taken to clenching the cold metal of the subway’s pole tightly, siphoning all energy into his fist. When the subway finally halted at O’Brien’s stop, Winston just barely refrained from running to O’Brien’s apartment. Still, he managed to arrive at the apartment in only ten minutes.

He knocked on the door rapidly. O’Brien opened the door, welcoming him inside. It had been a long time since he went to O’Brien’s apartment, so he was surprised by how spacious it was.

“Hello again, Winston,” O’Brien said.

“Hi,” Winston replied.

“Alright, so as my assistant, you will have many responsibilities. You’ll need to clean, serve me, cook, and generally take care of any tasks I see fit to assign to you.”

“Okay!” Winston said eagerly, “I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“Anything? Alright, I look forward to seeing how this goes,” O’Brien replied,  “Oh and please refer to me as ‘Sir.’”

“Yes sir,” Winston said, “What would you like me to do first?”

“My house needs a good cleaning. But first, let me show you your quarters before I go to the Ministry of Truth. I do have a job, you know.” O’Brien guided him to a room at the far back of the apartment.

The room was quite small, just barely enough space for a bed and dresser. But Winston had never loved another room more than this one. It was mere steps away from O’Brien’s.

“I need to go now, so I expect the entire apartment to be perfectly clean. The broom is in that closet over there, as are the rags.”

“Yes sir. When will you be back?” Winston asked.

“About seven hours from now.”

“Okay. Goodbye, sir, have a nice day at the Ministry.”

O’Brien smirked and walked out the door without a response.

Winston looked around the room. O’Brien was a very clean person, as Winston didn’t see a lot to clean. Still, O’Brien wanted the house perfect, and Winston was willing to oblige. Big Brother, the Party, and O’Brien deserve no less. He took the broom out of the closet, and started his sweeping in O’Brien’s room.

Cleaning was a tedious task. Winston had never been a fan of cleaning. His apartment- or rather, his previous apartment- was always quite dusty. However, if sweeping was the price Winston had to be with O’Brien, then so be it. Cleaning the apartment took a few hours, due to Winston’s intense determination for everything to be perfect. He cleaned it once, twice, three times, until at last O’Brien came back.

As O’Brien opened the door with a click, he raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise for an instant. It was only half a second before his face went back into the blankly austere look of the Inner Party, but Winston saw. O’Brien was pleased with his work. He had impressed O’Brien, even if just for a second.

It allowed Winston, just for a second, to imagine that O’Brien might love him back. Or at least, come to love him in time. Someday, perhaps, O’Brien would love Winston just as Winston loved him. Someday.

And just as this hopeful thought came into Winston’s mind, he saw O’Brien pull out a gun. O’Brien shot Winston at point-blank range. The bullet lodged in Winston’s heart. Winston fell, bleeding on the floor. O’Brien walked over to his desk, ignoring the dying body in his apartment. As Winston’s life bled out from him, his lips formed one final sentence.

“O’Brien, please, look at me.”

But O’Brien did not look.

[deantransgressions2]

8x03 heartache

#1: "i mean, that's got to be a ritual, man. or at least some sort of a heart sucking, possessed, satanic, crack-whore bat."

time tag: 2:58

#2: sam: "what? i had a year off. i took the time to enjoy the good things."

dean: "while avoiding doing what we actually do."

sam: "wow, dean. does it make you feel that much better every time you say it?" < if sam had a tumblr he would follow my blog.

but anyway the key word is "we", dean. you were not there. so sam went off and did sexy stuff he could. get over it.

time tag: 3:20

#3: "that chubby guy the last person to see the vic alive?"

time tag: 4:24

#4: "it's too bad i dropped out of lunatic 101" (said while interviewing a mentally ill man)

also: "he's a mushroom"

time tag: 8:22 + 9:08

#5: "i know where i’m at my best. and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you." (said to sam) okay dean, thats super cute of you. but is SAM at his best when he's next to you?

time tag: 15:33

#6: sam said maybe dean is better off hunting alone, and he doesn't have to "explain himself to anybody" .....2x03 flashback guys.

dean: "yeah that makes sense, seeing i have so many other brothers i can talk to about this stuff." ok so 1) you do have another brother and he's rotting in hell. 2) you never let sam talk to you ab his feelings, so why do you expect the him to listen to yours? and 3) get a therapist man.

time tag: 15:53

#7: sam: "i'm not saying i'm bailing on you. i'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. i mean, i want my time to count for something"

dean: "so, what we do doesn't count?"

??? sam is literally just saying that his life has just been one unbelievable steaming pile of dog shit and he wants some time to find happiness and actually feel safe for once. sam saved the world, and suffered immensely for it. if he wants to live a suburban life and go to farmers markets, then that’s his damn right.

time tag: 15:56

#8: "i got another email, this one is for you. from a university. answering questions about admissions."

sam: "just something i'm looking into. an option."

"you're seriously talking about hanging it up?"

does dean think university lasts till you die? that if u go to college you can't hunt ever again? or you can't once you graduate? does dean think he has any say in what sam choses to do with his life?

time tag: 23:25

#9: sam: "do you think brick thought maybe he'd burn to nothing when he crashed that car?"

dean: "yeah, but he didn't, which brings us here"

there is something about the wording of this, and sam's demeanor that makes me think he is talking about more than just brick. because sam once also fell to his death. except he came back, without consent. and now has to continue to deal with all the trouble and pain in his life. maybe ill elaborate more on this, but this scene just feels deep

time tag: 33:45

#10: "wow. back in business. got the win. admit it, feels good huh? you know, i was thinking about what randa said about, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. i get it man, i do."

sam: "i know, i know you do. i don't. not anymore. hell, maybe i never did."

"come on sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you?"

sam: "dean listen. when this is over, when we close up shop on kevin and the tablet, im done. i mean that."

"no you don't"

sam: "dean, the year that i took off, i had something i've never had. a normal life. i mean, i got to see what that felt like. i want that. i had that."

"i think that's just how you feel right now."

dean is so unbelievably obsessed with sam. why doesn't he just tell him "hey man, i love you, you're my brother and i'm happy you're in my life". then sam would be like "love u too man. im gonna go live a normal life. you are welcome to my home between hunts." done! happily ever after! instead we get dean, demonizing everything sam does that doesn't include him, and gaslighting him until sam adapts to dean's worldview. disgusting.

time tag. 38:09

[eerythingisshaka]

Will the Bell Ring? Pt. 7

[Erik Killmonger x Black!OC]

Word Count: 5.5K

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Nine Years Ago

Kimara stares at T’Challa blankly, digesting his words until they make a little more sense.  Kimara sits up straight on the couch, putting her face in her hands.

“Do you understand what I am saying now?”  T’Challa says.quietly across from her.

She pulls her hands down, shaking her head.  “No.  He isn’t like that.  Who would do something like that?.”

“I cannot let you think that with all the lives I have lost under his reign.  This is serious,”  T’Challa says sternly.

Kimara denies it.  “I know this is a serious allegation but he couldn’t have done this on his own, why is he getting all the blame!?”

T’Challa sighs.  “This was his mission of revenge, and he wanted all of the glory.  There is no way he could do all he wanted with a team, he was bloodthirsty.”

Kimara stands feeling her blood boiling.  “You need to get out, I can’t take this right now.”

T’Challa steps up to her, pleading, “It would be best if-”

“Can I ACTUALLY do what’s best for me!  He doesn’t know, and neither do you!  Let him figure this out on his own, how dare he try and ask for me to-” 

Before she could finish her sentence she bends over feeling herself cramp up in her abdomen.   She was acting up too hard.  The pain is so swift and sharp, she gags from the pressure she is under.  

“Kimara, are you alright?”  T’Challa takes you under the arm to hold you up. She gets the urge to cry from his compassion, but holds out.

“I’m fine.  Just leave me alone.”

T’Challa stands Kimara up straight looking at her in her eyes powerfully.  She gazes back at him, taking in his presence for once.  His features aren’t very close to Erik’s but his handsomeness is unique in his own right with an unblinking gaze that manufactures authentic confidence in anything he says.

“He almost died at my own hand, Kimara.  During a time when I lost family, I gained another and had to fight him to the death.  I have been riddled with worry and guilt over how I could’ve handled things differently but I was forced to act quickly as he grew stronger.  While he is recovering, he has asked for you several times under anesthesia and since he is now stable, we think it is best he sees a familiar face, if you can do it.”

Kimara lowers her head, feeling her ferocity break at the thought of Erik laid up in pain in a foreign land.  It’s not fair.  This time was hers to have.  When she wanted him with her, he didn’t have time, but now she is supposed to jump?

Kimara nods.  “But how will I get there?  I don’t have plane ticket money.”

T’Challa puts a hand to his heart.  “I will take care of everything.  You go ahead and pack some things.  I can take you whenever you are ready.”

Kimara tells him to give her a couple days to get some things together to go.  She hadn’t been feeling well at all and had to cancel her rehearsals to accommodate this trip.  Miraculously, her symptoms subsided substantially with a couple prescribed pain pills as she drug her luggage out to T’Challa’s car.  He opens the door for her in the early morning hours.

“You pack with preparedness, eh?”  he says with snide humor.  Kimara ignores the remark as she gets into the passenger side and he loads her baggage in.  

T’Challa drives them up to an open field and parks, turning off the engine.  He leans back in his seat, looking out at the horizon.  She looks from him to the open area with confusion.

“Aren’t we going to an airport, or-”

“Isn’t this a beautiful sunrise, Kimara?  The colors being a bright orange and yellow ombre to greet us today.”  Kimara sits still, staring at the sky herself.  The colors are just as he described:  so richly beautiful but also blinding in spite.

“It is, T’Challa.  But what are we doing here?”

He grips the steering wheel tightly, making the leather squeak under his palms.  “This gift is something you can only experience here on Earth.  And it can be taken from us without much effort, so quickly.  There is no price you can pay to get something like this, and yet my god provides it daily whenever they see fit.  How can anyone want more?”

You look over the sun’s rays peeking out and stretching across the sky.  “The world isn’t built to appreciate this.  People will always want more because life requires more thanks to capitalism.  I shame people who say that the world is yours and hold it for themselves and make you feel small for trying to get a little bit to survive.  It’s gaslighting 101.”

When she looks at T’Challa, he is already looking at her intently, listening to her words.  A sound in the distance breaks their conversation as an aircraft lowers out of thin air in the middle of the field.  

“That’s why I am glad you are here, Kimara,”  T’Challa says, getting out of the car and leading you to your ride in the sky.

On board, Kimara buckles herself in tightly in your seat and keeps her eyes closed for the ride.  T’Challa sits next to her.  

“You know, turbulence is not an issue with us here.  If something rattles, it means we are under an attack.”

Kimara groans, feeling her stomach churn with the vision.  “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

T’Challa chuckles as you finish praying.  “I apologize if that made you more uncomfortable.  The aircraft is cloaked.  Invisible.  No attack will see our way either.  We are almost there.  I am surprised you didn’t say you get sick in the air.”

Kimara grips her armrests, feeling sweat bead around her forehead.  “I am a silent sufferer.  Not until it absolutely cannot stay in, will I let people know that.”

T’Challa tuts at her.  “That is not healthy.  You should be more vocal.”

“Yeah, well I’m saying it now so…”  she laughs nervously feeling a slight descent that makes her belly button tingle.  “What’s that?  Are we landing?  Are we there?”

T’Challa steps over to a nearby window.  “It appears we have made it.  You are robbing yourself of the visions outside.”

“I am saving myself some misery and you some clean up if I make a mess, so you’re welcome.”

As the aircraft lands, the thud of wheels to earth gives her some peace as she opens her eyes to see T’Challa speaking to a warrior looking woman in the corner.  T’Challa turns to Kimara, motioning her to follow him out of the aircraft.

“Your bags will be put into a room for you but as of right now, you can follow me to the medical chamber where Erik is.”

“Is he ok?”  she asks.

“He is awake,”  T’Challa says curtly.

As they descend in the elevator, they are greeted by a guard who leads them outside of a room with more guards out front.  

“These are the Dora Milaje.  They are my guard here in Wakanda, trust them with your life.  I am keeping my distance from Erik for now as he stabilizes but they will be here if you need any help.”

Kimara thanks T’Challa as he dismisses himself, signaling to his guard.  They step aside from the entrance, her leeway to step in.  Kimara gets nervous, wondering what she may find him like, if he is conscious.

As she walks in, her breath hitches as she sees him lying still with an oxygen apparatus and a large patch over his chest.  His marks along his body is something she hasn’t gotten used to yet as he lays shirtless.  Kimara walks up to him, grazing her fingertips along each soft, bulby keloid along his arm.  She wished she could make them go away.  Each tear that came from the strike of the blade that did this to him, to the hold in his chest.  It didn’t have to be this hard for him, why would he choose this?

Erik’s eyes flutter open, seeing Kimara, he takes a sharp breath before coughing harshly.  Kimara grabs his hand, feeling him squeeze hers so strongly makes her feel secure.

“Hey baby, take your time.  Don’t talk too much.”

Erik looks around the room. “Why you here?”

She smirks, running her fingers over his locs.  “I had to come see you.  I don’t want to talk about it now, but after what I heard, I couldn’t stay away.”

Erik tries to sit up, speaking with labored effort, “You shouldn’t have...came.”

Kimara lets loose his hand.  “Erik, you almost died.  Should I stay away from your funeral too?”

“If I died...you never would’ve known.  No one knows I’m here...How did you get here?  You hate flying.”

Kimara shrugs.  “I mean, in an emergency I will.  Your cousin offered.  Just met him.”

Erik glares at her.  “You shouldn’t be around him.”

“Trust me, I didn’t want to but-”

“Did he force you here?  Are you safe?”  He coughs, speaking too fast.

“Erik, stop getting upset, I’m fine...for the most part.”

Erik looks you over and at the door where the Dora stands.  “Ok...But when I have my shit together, I’m gettin the fuck out of here...You should leave now.”

Kimara scoffs at the thought.  “Not so fast, you got stabbed after all.”

“It’s fine.  They healing me the regular way cuz they don’t want to heal me the Panther way.  Took my power and everything.”

“Power?”  she asks.

“You shoulda seen me.”  Erik falls back looking at the ceiling.  “I was fucking superman.  You don’t know how good my body felt, indestructible.  It’s what I always wanted that feeling, chased for I don’t know how long.”

“Is that why you got mixed in with the special forces?  You wasting your brain being in that.  They turned you into a human pin cushion with all these marks.”

Erik stares at her blankly.  “You always saying that.”

“What?”

“Making me feel dumb for doing the military.  Acting like I’m nothing but a test dummy.”

Kimara motions to him laying there.  “Did it not get you here?  This ain’t even something you get a medal for?  You down here for a personal vendetta instead of real shit!”

“Real shit?  Hell, I didn’t know saving my father’s legacy wasn’t real shit to you.  Plus that military training gave me insight for what this world had coming at me.  Once I had people on my side that taught me what I could have?  What I could take back?  All I needed was to go get it.”

“And you lost it in the end Erik.  It wasn’t worth it.”

“I made my damn point.  Even if I died, I would’ve left my mark.”

“Stop talking about that.”

“About what, Mara?”

“Dying!  Why you so ready to die all of a sudden?  Why you want to act like it’s you against the world?  Erik, I wanted you to stay safe with me.  There was no reason to go except your pride.”

“Mara, we weren’t…”  Erik’s voice trails off.

Kimara feels her heart sink as silence wades between them both.  “We weren’t what?”

Erik doesn’t look at her, licking his lips and thinking on his next words.  “Kimara, I wanted you to let me go.  You didn’t like me in the military and shit, so I wanted to say goodbye, make it easy for the both of us.”

“I didn’t get a goodbye that night, Erik.”

“I know cuz it was hard to go and of course, I cared about you.”

“That fucked me up Erik.  You know that?”

Erik shrugs.  “I know.  It wasn’t easy for me either.”

Kimara’s emotions flood over.  “No Erik, it wasn’t just…”  she holds her face and takes a step back.  

Erik looks uncomfortable, fidgeting with his oxygen mask under his chin.  “Kimara.  It’s fine, don’t do that.”

“It’s not!  You just go and do whatever you wanna do when you feel like it.  Now you tellin me that we didn’t have nothing in the first place?  You ready to die for a cause that only affects you and it will die with you!”

“You know what this was all about Kimara, I told you.  That don’t mean nothing?”

“Of course it means something!  But how can you come here and get people killed and yourself killed and consider it a good job!  That’s more evil than I ever thought you could be.”

“Yeah, I’m bad then, so?  You knew my bad shit before you came here, why did you come?  What good is you coming here, if I can’t be helped?”

Kimara shakes her head, feeling tired.  “I never said that.  I wanted to make sure you were alright.  I couldn’t have you here alone and you hurt, on my conscience.  But you right, I probably extend too much of myself for you instead of thinking of me first.  I’m tired of doing that.”  Kimara turns to walk out.

Erik calls after her.  “You should do more for yourself.  You act like I left yesterday.  Don’t worry about me no more, Kimara.”

As she stormed out his room, Kimara berrates herself for ever coming here.  Erik doesn’t know a thing about what it means to care for someone, he can’t see anything past what he is going through.  She is tired of trying to convince him that he is worthy and loved because that is all she ever has done, and it’s exhausting.  He can’t say the same for her.

Kimara in her sorrowful state is escorted outside for some air.  Kimara takes in the fresh breeze deep into her lungs and breathes out looking across her new surroundings.   In the distance , she sees farmers in decorated shawls herding rhinos of all things.  Further beyond is the bustling city, filled with patrons and shops and buildings.  

“Would you like to go there?”  T’Challa asks, coming up beside her out of the blue.  

Kimara is too excited for the invitation to question him being there, eagerly agreeing to the tour.

T’Challa takes Kimara all along Wakanda’s city streets, offering her samples of eats that pleased her nose and clothes that made her hands extend involuntarily to feel the handmade material for herself.  

“I can’t take this for free, T’Challa!”  she says.

“It is a royal discount.”  T’Challa speaks to the shopkeep in his native tongue, making their face light up ecstatically, filling a bag with a few pieces of jewelry and clothing..

Kimara shakes her head.  “I wasn’t even looking at that!”

T’Challa takes two bags and hands her the lighter one.  “I know.  This one is yours.”  

She dips her head in shame but humbly takes the bag, finding a couple scarves that she looked at before.

“Thank you, this is way too nice of you.”

T’Challa smiles to himself, looking straight ahead.  “It is only right to offer my cousin’s love gifts of encouragement.”

Her grip on the bag loosens as she bites her lip.  T’Challa notices her silence.  “Is something wrong?”

She hesitates to answer.  “I...wouldn’t call what we have as a love relationship.  I thought it was at one point but I think he just needed support with benefits.”

They reach the outskirts of the city that grow quieter and more rural.  T’Challa takes a minute to pause.

“He never gave indication that he wanted anyone but you and seeing as you aren’t a relative, I assumed-”

“You assumed.”  Kimara says curtly.  “Once again, when there is a mess, I am there.  But when I have one, it’s all on me.”

“Speak on it,”  T’Challa says.  His eyes stare straight into her and he stands so still as if nothing could move him beyond waiting for her words to form.  It takes a lot of digging but eventually, he learns the truth.

“Why can’t you share that with him?  He would listen if you said.”

Kimara shakes her head.  “No way.  He would probably blame it on me too, like I already do.  Why did I let him in?  Why did I love him without clear reciprocation?  I totally thought that because he shows up, that must mean he wants me!  No man comes around that doesn’t want you.”

“You are right.”

Kimara laughs.  “Then we must be both foolish, because a man can want your time but not you all in the same situation.”

T’Challa gives a small chuckle.  “I understand.  But he seeks you out for support because he knows your worth.  He just isn’t mature enough to realize that love can come out of it in the end as well, especially if he could leave your bed without notice.  He wasn’t ready.”

“He still isn’t.  And I hope you aren’t asking me to wait on him, because…”  Kimara holds her hands up, tossing the notion away to the heavens.

“Don’t wait for him, no.  But I am holding out hope of his recovery and learning how special you are.  He will realize it soon.”

Kimara rolls her eyes, landing her gaze on T’Challa’s sack.  “So what are those things for anyway?  They don’t look like your style, green on green.”

T’Challa purses his mouth, looking down.  “I...uh...am expecting someone later and wanted to come prepared with gifts.”

“Is it a date thing, or…”

“A courtship, yes.  Hoping the second time's the charm.”

Kimara brings her arms through T’Challa’s, completely overwhelmed by this new information.

“Oh, see you been in my business, it’s time to get in yours!  Who is she and what does she look like?  Is she one of these red chicks, cuz they are fly as hell, I wouldn’t blame you!”

The next evening, Kimara walks the halls of the main floor, enjoying some kebab-like snack from a vendor she got.  She didn’t visit Erik, but she heard that he was recovering speedily, starting to take supervised walks.  She was thankful but not ready to see for herself.  There was an open cliff on one side of the mountain that she wanted to explore on her own, especially at night so she could bank on being alone.  When she got there however, someone was standing there.  

Chewing on a bite of her kebab, she recognizes T’Challa’s stance, head hung low.  She contemplated imposing on his alone time or walking away.

“Kimara, how are you?”

She jumps out her skin, wondering how he knew she was even there.  

“I’m good.  Full,”  she says, swallowing her half chewed last piece, playing with the stick in her hands as she walked up to him.  

He waits for you before pointing below.  “That’s her, Nakia.”  She squints a little, seeing a little figure wearing green walking off by a river.  

“Nakia?  She seems cute.  Did it go well with your gifts.”  

T’Challa sighs.  “It seems the gifts were a bit overboard.  She felt as if I was bribing her or thinking that was all she wants which I know is not true.”

“How long have you been dating?”

“Only a few months, but she is quite busy so time together has been short.  We grew up together.”

“Aww!  That’s nice, so you’re already friends.  That’s the best!”

T’Challa sighs quietly.  “It is.  She understands me more than most, challenges me.  But she worries our dynamic will change as a couple and she doesn’t want to be stunted with royal duties.”

“Does she have to do queen shit if you marry?’

“For her to be with me, she can do whatever her heart calls her to do, I will not stop her.  But she thinks otherwise, or that I will change.”

Kimara pities T’Challa’s forlorn face as he watches Nakia walk further away.  “Maybe space is all you guys need.  She obviously doesn’t like pressure.  Give it time.”

“I do, and I will continue to do so.  It’s just hard to understand when she will be ready.”

“Don’t even think about it.  Having her in your life is most important, that’s what you said.  And someone also said that once they mature, they will find room for love, so…” Kimara puts her arm through his.  “Don’t wait, but be open.  Enjoy what you have now.” 

T’Challa looks down at Kimara, smiling softly, giving her hand a light tap.  “Smart words.”

She shrugs.  “Eh, they aight.”

Back at her room, when she opens the door, Erik is sitting in a chair watching the stars outside a window.

“Erik, what are you doing here?  Are you even supposed to be?”

Erik gets up, walking up to her.  “Why are you scared?”

She scoffs.  “Hardly ever.  You know I can beat your ass.  I don’t care how many muscles you got now.”

He rolls his eyes.  “Put me in one headlock that I tapped out for your benefit and now you a WWE champion, ok.”

They stand there silent.

“So what is it?”  Kimara asks.

Erik speaks slowly, “I’m… getting better.”

Kimara nods.  “Good, I heard.  So your wound is healing and your lung and heart is stronger.”

“Yeah, amazing what vibranium can do.  Look.”  He goes to lift his shirt but winces.

“Uh uh, don’t exert yourself, just let me.”  She lifts his shirt just enough to see the wounded area.  It’s bruised but sealed with barely any scarring, feels warm under her touch.  She lays her hand on it, feeling his heart rate pulse hard.  All that lying in bed and he lost not an ounce of muscle.

Kimara looks up to him, seeing his eyes get glassy.  “I’m glad you’re ok.”

Erik blinks a couple times, clearing his throat.  “Yeah, I am too.”

She lets his shirt down, walking further into the room.  “So, what’s up?”

Erik follows behind.  “I wanted to ask you something.”

Kimara turns to him, waiting.

Erik stammers.  “So...h-how you been doing?”

Kimara laughs.  “For real?”

Erik shrugs.  “Yeah.”

Kimara looks at him suspiciously.  “Fine, thanks.”

Erik nods.  “Good.  I don’t believe you though.”

“Well that’s all I got to say.”

Erik, gives a humble smirk.  “You can always say more Kimara, that’s what it is about you.  You’re too observant, opinionated to not.”

Kimara puts a hand on one hip, rubbing her forehead with the other.  “I don’t understand.”

Erik closes the space between them.  “Something happened.  And I never want someone to do shit to you and cause you pain.  But that was me.  I did it.  I know we probably shouldn’t have had sex before I left but I couldn’t not be with you.  Shit feels like home when I’m with you and it’s not that I wanted to just release and leave, I swear.”

“It felt like you did.”

“Do you remember it that way or was that just after I left.”

“Does it matter?  You leaving tainted that.”

“You remember me saying I love you?”

“Guys will say the pledge of allegiance in some pussy, please!”

“Mara stop!  I mean it, I said it, then you said it.  That was real.”

“And then you left for a murder mission!  You still don’t get that you left me cold.  Love?  You said you loved me, and what did you do!?  Decide to die because apparently no one did!”

“I know....I know…”

Kimara couldn’t believe it.  He isn’t defending himself?  He looks at her wearily and that makes her worried for his condition.

“Sit, sit.”   Kimara leads him to the couch.  “Why are you saying this now?”

“I’m fine, it’s just...I got a real chance at something here.  This is giving me a second chance at living a normal life, with-with love and real happiness.  I thought what I was doing made me happy, but of course it just made me get deeper into a dark side.  I know you, you the most consistent person in my life, Mara and I gotta do better to you for having my back.”

Kimara is speechless, hovering over the direction of this conversation and the complete 180 Erik has exhibited.  

“I know, it’s gonna take time but I want to rebuild us, square one.  Like college again..”  He holds a hand out to shake and she takes it.  “Now we on level footing.  All problems out in the open, all we can do is go up.”

Kimara holds his hand tightly, feeling her body pull her in multiple directions, mind racing down a hall with multiple exits, but only one seemed clearest.  

“I don’t know if I can do this again.”

Present Day

Erik holds Kimara in his arms as the warm water wraps around them in a cocoon of comfort.  Kimara takes the bubbles up over her body to her chin before reaching for her bottle of essential oil to add soothing fragrance to the bath. 

Erik takes a drag, holding it in as he passes to Kimara, letting the smoke loose in a seductive pace.

Kimara takes her turn, feeling herself become light as the bubbles suspended on the water.  

“That shit smell nice.  I like that one,” Erik says.

Kimara passes it back to him, laying into him comfortably, closing her eyes.  “That’s that peppermint ande eucalyptus.  It’s the same one from before, but I think it wasn’t all the way real.  This time I got the good stuff.”

Erik takes a pull, exhaling,  resting his palm under her breast, rubbing along her nipple.  “Cool.”

He kisses the side of her face, finishing his smoke.  Some nights are like this:  little talk and all lazy.  Don’t worry about dinner or what happened earlier in the day, just a quick run to the dispensary and they know what time it is.

“I love you, Erik.  You know that?”  Kimara says.

Erik chuckles.  “I hoped you would.”

“For real, I do.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Mara.  You know you my world.”

“Even if it’s just us two?”

Erik leans to put out his smoke, and holds her closer, turning her face towards his.  “Til death baby girl.  Nothing about it says anything about anyone but us.”

“For real?”  Kimara says, poking out a lip, feeling sentimental.

Erik pokes it.  “You been too hard on yourself.  And I have too, on me and you.  I get it’s been hard but I don’t want us to have a baby like this.  I want one but-”

“Right, without pressure and busy shit,” Kimara adds.

Erik motions affirmatively.  “Right!  And listen, with your tour and everything, you should do it.”

Kimara shakes her head, going back to playing with the bubbles, blowing them in her hand.  “I think you might be too high.”

Erik slaps the bubbles flat in her hand, holding it.  Kimara looks back at him.

“I believe in you.  I can’t stand us fighting like this, we fight more since we been married than we ever did.”

“I know,”  Kimara mumbles.

“So let’s just do the shit we gotta do.  Before the baby, let’s go ahead and knock out our solo projects, see how they go and then plan, right?  Your ovaries ain’t goin nowhere.”

“And neither are your balls!  It’s perfect!”

“Bet!  But you know my Boeing thing is about to close out and shit anyway.”

Kimara rubs his knee.  “I know, and sorry it’s not working the way you hoped.”

Erik shrugs.  “I’m over it.  It’s practically theirs anyway.  So many flaws in the shit, I tried to tell them but they don’t wanna listen, it’s only about money.  Just sign these papers, cut me my check and they can put their name on whatever.  It won’t be good in the long run.”

Kimara tugs his chin.  “I’m glad you taking it well, baby.”

“Yeah, I may move on completely.  There’s a medical company I been looking into but I gotta talk to some people I know over there.”

Erik so damn smart, he can pass any entrance exam on a whim, and perfect it with a weekend of study.  “I wish you luck, Erik.  Then I’m glad the trip is happening this weekend so we can celebrate for real.”

“Hell yeah, you right.  Gorgeous beach, drinks all around.  Seeing your pretty ass struttin around in a two piece…”

“Ugh, if I can fit my two piece.”

“Oh, it’ll fit.  The more hanging out, the better for me!”

Erik attacks her with kisses, feeling her body under the water, making her splash at his every touch.

“Ok, ok!  Damn!  Now I gotta lay a towel down with this mess.”

Erik relaxes again, leaning back.  Kimara sits up, looking back at Erik, chest studded and splayed out, arms relaxed but permanently flexed from his muscle build.  He doesn’t have a scar where he once got stabbed, thanks to Wakandan medical advancements, but the scars that were there are missing from being healed.  All his scars could be taken away if he wanted, but he refused, opting for a reminder of what he once was and what he doesn’t want to be again.

Kimara sighs, feeling a familiar guilt that gnawed numbly at her heart.  “Baby, we should talk about something.”

Erik waves his hands around happily, “Let me know what’s good!”

Kimara looks off, feeling colder.  “I had an abortion.”

Erik looks up, eyes heavy but focused.  “When?”

Kimara can’t look at him but says, “Way back, before we were together.”

She hears the water shift as Erik sits up, laying a hand on her back.  “Why you sayin this?  If it wasn’t mine, I don’t have any issue with what you did, if you had to.”

Kimara bites her lip, feeling her throat become uncooperative as she sobs a little.

“Mara, is that why you changed so much now, since we started trying?  Don’t blame yourself for that, we will have our baby when God says it’s gonna happen.  If you got pregnant before, that’s kind of a relief.  At least we know-”

Kimara sobs, some more.  Erik tries to hug her but she moves away.

“I’m sorry, I just wish I could earn your pity.”

“Mara, you got my heart, my sympathy, but not pity.  Don’t feel bad!”

“Even if it was yours?”

Erik is quiet.

“How...was it mine if we weren’t together?”

Mara takes some water over her face, holding it until her body gives leeway for her to speak clearly.  “That first time we were together?  Before you left for Wakanda?  I got pregnant then.”

Erik is speechless, holding the sides of the tub to ground himself.  She felt worse and worse each second he was silent.

“Say something.”

“Shiiiit.  You know you should’ve told me.”

Kimara can’t believe this.  “Should I have?  After you almost died and you were beating yourself up about not being your best for me and being alone?  I wanted to hate you for so long but then I saw you in that bed recovering and you still on about your dad and family and T’Challa, I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Do that to me?  Wow, Mara, I left you almost a single mom.  You did what to me?  But shit, knowing me then, I probably woulda said to leave me alone for good.”

“Why?”

“Cuz, if I really lost my chance at a family and you didn’t take me back, it would’ve been too much, honestly.  But you shoulda said something Mara, even after!”

Mara tuts at him, pushing the bubbles around her.  “I couldn’t.  It was done, why discuss it?”

“You speak your mind on everything else, Mara.  Why is this different?  Honestly?  That mouth pretty damn selective.”

Mara shrugs.  “It was a new thing.  I didn’t know how to process it.  And when you came back and everything I just couldn’t believe, wow.  If I waited like a week or two, this coulda been the best thing you ever wanted.  We’d have a fucking 10 year old around here.”

Erik rests his chin in his hands.  “It all happens for a reason.  We wasn’t ready for a kid.”

“We would’ve made it work.”

Erik holds her close.  “Don’t matter.  We will work it out now.”

“I wish I was as sure.”

“You gotta be.  You lose soon as you feel defeated.  Like we said, we gonna work on our career shit, and one day, we will go back to it, see the doctors and make it happen.”

“Ok.”

Erik takes his fingers to her temples.  “Focus on today.  Past is the past.  I love you.”

Kimara feels herself relax, like a rubber band snapped back to its normal form.  All these years, and it was this easy?  Maybe it was good to wait though, he was more ready now than he could’ve then.  

“I love you too, big head.”

“My Mara, My Mara…”

“Never goin farther.”

“...and she finna give me a daughter,”  Erik snickers, biting her ear.

“Uh uh!  Not no spoiled little girl!”

“Oh, look at you.  Already upset over competition.”

Masterlist

Ragtag

@chaneajoyyy @sarcastic-sunshines @muse-of-mbaku@dameshaemonique  @fonville-designs@destinio1@bakarisange l@wakanda-inspired @klaine15689 @savageiz @nickidub718@yoyolovesbucky @alexundefined @forbeautyandlife​ @bakarisangel

[hoaxexistence]

Thoughts

I finished the show last april and im doing my 2nd full rewatch and this time I'm watching it alongside the commentaries so im kind of in a slow pace. Lol. I said up there that it's my 2nd full rewatch bec for i time i was watching random episodes until i had the copy of the commentaries. So far here are my thoughts for the first 13 episodes.

“I see your value now.”

Episode one is a actually a great start. I mean sure they are clearly finding their dynamics but still, it has great scenes and lines and not all shows got that strong pilot. Really love that panning up shot of the school at the end.

“Milady, milord”

Spanish 101 is a fun episode, really hilarious. Ken jeong is funny, and hey i actually see britta better now. I remember watching this show the first time and i tried to like her but ended up liking annie instead. But now im actually seeing her. I like the bit where they did their presentation and annie was in a boat and alison had tears, cracks me up. Also i like jeff and annie so the tiny detail of the first milady milord here is so personal to me. AND the tag!! The bibliotheca rap, God was it iconic.

“falafel as fallback”

Introduction to film. Oh the first time i read this, the film buff in me just cheered! It was really sweet of britta to do that for abed and i see in this episode how they really treasure him as a person and i really love that, that's what he deserve.

(im writing all of these from memory and my memory sucks so these first few may not be that greatly executed.)

“you asked me to stay and you said we we're friends”

Ah social psychology. I love that line from abed so much and Annie's reaction. She was taken aback with how her words meant to him and i am deeply touched as well as her. My favorite part in the cold open was chang and Annie's moment hahhaha. Aaaaand, jeff and Shirley moments were here! Shirley's really funny and i love that part when she just makes fun of vaughn's nips hahah. I love the friendship between her and jeff. Also the tag is funny. Trobed tags are funny.

(i started sliding through the episodes now just to refresh my memory. Lol)

“because if crazy people can't be at Greendale, then where are we supposed to go”

Advanced Criminal Law. The freakin gif that I've been seeing for a long time finally had a story for me. (That one when chang was looking at the tiny paper. Lol) I love jeff and britta's relationship as well as annie and pierce's that were shown in this. Yes, jeff was helping britta to be closer to her because he wanna sleep with her but more than that, he likes her and he's her friend and he wants to not be an ass even for a while. Annie's cheerleading story was a good bit. Lol.

“I peed alone my whole life. Women have always hated me.”

Football, feminism, and you!! Aaaaa i love this episode. I said that I never liked britta that much but that's my biased opinion talking. I usually don't like characters i see myself in, so yea, at times i could really relate to britta. This actually talked about her too though they kinda did that already in the previous episode but of course, the show is introducing us to these characters so it's necessary for characters to overlap stories duh. Oh and this is the first commentary that alison brie was in because this is kind of a big moment for annie here, though this episode is for troy, okay this episode is for everyone dammit 😂. Anyway this is where i started to really appreciate annie and where they actually put a clearer path to her character, though still navigating. I love her confrontation with jeff and how his reaction after looks like hehe. Also that last scene before the tag, another milady milord. uwu

“I am batman. Or am I?”

Introduction to Statistics! WHEN DAN CONFIRMED THAT THAT DANCE SCENE BETWEEN ALISON AND JOEL MADE THEM CONSIDER JEFF AND ANNIE was a great bit from commentary. This is Slater's first appearance and her character helped in exposing Jeff's character. Shirley's deep emotions were navigated in this episode as well with how she divert her anger to slater. That scene of her and britta was really touching. I love it when the girls have their own moments together just like from the previous episode. Also i loved how joel, chevy, and dan admired alison's talents in the commentary.

“you're a nerd”

Ah, Home Economics. I love how they let us into abed's dorm. We see here that slowly they're really starting to become a family, although yes, annie got a thing for troy and jeff got a thing for britta but still.

“man is evil”

Hah. Debate 109. The kiss for the team. I love this scene and the simmons guy. That hallway scene will never not be funny. Also this episode birthed the imma die by werewolf rap from alison sooooo. Shirley was really funny, especially when she giggled when she teases jeff and annie. Speaking of that scene, God. The way he looks at her. That was probably the moment where i could say that jeff notices annie as a woman. The way he looked into her eyes before he looks at her hair, it was beautiful. That reproductive joke bit was funny but the phone will always crack me up, Jeff's tiny voice when he said he could just get another one is hilarious. Britta and pierce had their moments here and as much as i like their tandem i like annie and peirce more. Idk. Also their laptops are very cute, very old. Lol

“we're trying to save the planet, print 500 more of these”

Aaaa, Environmental Science. That opening was really good. This episode is a highlight for chang's character and i loved his and Jeff's relationship, they really make a fun banter. What can i say the last part of this episode was just great. That montage of troy and abed singing somewhere out there while the dance is happening, it's just brilliant. I like that transitions and how we see that jeff is capable of doing something decent even if it doesn't always look like he's doing anything.

“I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable”

The Politics of Human Sexuality. Troy and abed were kinda challenging themselves and I really love that for them. How abed cares about Troy's feelings really debunks the thing that he's emotionless. I love that the girls were able to do things here again, even if it's sneaking into the dean's office. Lol. Giant thumb in a turtleneck. 😂. Alison was in the commentary again for this episode and talked about how that closet thing story was based on her real life experience. Really fun bit. Also! That line from dean when he said alcohol just makes him sleepy, really funny.

“it's December 10th!”

Aaaaaaaaa Comparative Religion! This one's really good. I love that they get to talk about religion and beliefs without like picking on it. Also have i said how their overlapping murmurs and talking over each other in the background was really great? Nope? Yeah, well this cast make a pretty good background noise, i love it. Troy's face is the best. That shirley line where she said, “why do you hate me and jesus?” will never not be funny. And that bracelet that she made was really sweet. Yes she could get manipulative and may be good at gaslighting but i love how they still redeem her and make her still likeable in the end. And Yvette's voice is just so brilliant! Dan said that this episode was the episode where they really felt like they're really are a family, especially in Jeff's point of view.

“Annie's pretty young we try not to sexualize her”

Oh i love the opening for Investigative Journalism. I love how they hug after coming from their own breaks, and that jack black was suddenly there. Lol. I liked that bit where annie thanked jeff for getting mad and jeff said that those were the upside.. Really felt like somehow, behind all his bs and his inability to process his feelings, he's still capable of having one. This episode showed how he has the in the palm of his hand, yet as the show progresses, we'll see that it won't stay like that. And I love that. They're growing. And yep in the commentary alison said she gets those messages still, and after more than a decade, she still do. Sad. I remember what Dan said, she's a forbidden fruit. :)

05/19/21 - 05/21/21

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 506

STAY AT HOOOOOOOME!!!!!

Ok, now that that’s out of the way... I kind of liked this episode. Which surprised me. Because usually I find myself neutral at best. But, considering how much I’ve hated disliked the last few seasons, I guess that feeling mostly neutral means this season has been better? The bar is low, y’all.

Could 1000% still use more Claire though. And more Jamie and Claire. And yes I know I’m saying that in the recap for an episode where the two of them bang.

I said what I said.

The title card’s powder blocker thingy looks like a plague doctor mask. We should bring those back. I found a box that had a bunch of them in it in the closet at my office once. That was weird. Also, stay the fuck at home and 6′ away from people if you have to go out on a supply run or take a walk.

Ooo, a flashback! I miss Scotland.

“Whom do I address, sir?” “I am Samuel Torrington,” said the guy who is most def *not* Samuel Torrington.

I know I shouldn’t laugh because of what’s about to happen, but looool at the girl for stepping in the literal one spot of mud.

Well that was dumb. Why the fuck would you run in between your dad and the guy he’s clearly gonna shoot?

I mean, it’s super sad, I guess. But also hella dumb.

Ah, a lavender pillow. Yes, I know it’s from the book. But between this and the BJR stuff, it’s like, do they know other smells exist?

But yeah, guess I shouldn’t talk since I have lavender hand soap, lavender lotion, lavender tea and a lavender candle.

It’s the best smell.

Ok, I get why Murcasta can’t be endgame. That was a good decision. But including Innes BeCaUsE tHe BoOk is dumb af. They got to the right decision to break up Murcasta, but for the wrong fucking reason.

Like, seriously though, can we please take a moment to appreciate how dumb this is? Like, book!Innes is from Ardsmuir. He’s been part of the squad. He’s basically one of Jamie’s most trusted friends. And he marries Jocasta. Show!Innes is literally some dude we’ve never heard of until last week because the fucking writers were like oh, Jocasta has to marry someone named Duncan Innes. Guess we should make that happen, out of the blue, for no other reason. Lazy idiots...

Jocasta has better handwriting than I do and I can fucking see what I’m doing.

Also lol at her straight up ignoring Roger saying that Jemmy won’t take her money.

Cut to Jemmy crying about the fact that he is now a participant in chattel slavery. I feel you, Jem.

Oh, it’s a cold? Ok fine, but also the whole chattel slavery thing.

ADSOOOOO! Such a good lil floofer! Look how nice he is, bringing them that excellent bug! WHO’S A GOOD KITTY? YOUUU ARE!

I really like Claire’s necklace. Also Claire’s neck. Also Claire’s collarbones. Also Claire. Can we have more Claire please? And less manpain in general?

D’awww, Lord John Grey the awkward gay. GIVE HIM AN APPROPRIATE BOYFRIEND ALREADY, YOU COWARDS.

Tryon is such a fucking douche. So is Quincy Arbuckle.

Well, it might not prevent tumultuous and riotous assembly, but not hanging out in groups larger than 10 sounds like a greAT FUCKING IDEA RIGHT NOW.

STAY AT HOOOOOOOOOOOOME. (If you are able to, and if you have to go to work, WASH YOUR HAAAAAAAAAAAANDS.)

Fergus, Marsali and Bree standing around this room being disappointed with Roger is A Mood™.

Team Give Fergus and Marsali More to Do

Oh, you’ve never been comfortable in your big fancy mansion? Poor you. *plays the world’s smallest violin*

News spreads slowly in/from the backcountry except, apparently, Claire’s medical advice.

Claire Fraser said reproductive rights!!! *ups monthly donation to Planned Parenthood*

The casting for Wylie is fucking perfect. Like kudos to the casting folks again.

I cared more about the Regulator shit in the show than the book because Murtz, but all the “Oh it’s happening! JK, it’s not! JK, it is!” that they took from the book is making me care less about it. Just happen already or fuck off.

Yes, I know it’s gonna happen next week.

Roger shoveling shit makes me happy. Because it’s gross and I do not like Roger.

“You keep shoveling your shit.” -- The Fandom Bree

Wylie should be a caricature with how fucking terrible he is, but let’s be real. We've all run into a guy like that.

Oh, Claire’s rings.

I did some mental gymnastics years ago to try to wrap my brain around why Claire would still wear an emotionally abusive piece of shit’s Fred’s ring. And the fact that the books and the show are like nope, she just likes Fred, drives me up a fucking wall every time.

“He must have been quite the man to inspire such devotion after all these years.” “Nah, he was an asshole. A complete and utter piece of shit. And instead of going with that and all the complexities it brings, we continue to gaslight the audience that he was a Good Dude. Instead of using the ring as a symbol of something more than fucking Fred, we just keep on pretending he didn’t suck.”

I hate everyone involved with refusing to acknowledge how shitty Fred was.

There is literally only one smuggler in the Carolinas.

DO NOT GO WITH THE CREEPY MAN TO A SECOND LOCATION. CLAIRE, THIS IS BEING A WOMAN 101. NEVER GO WITH A CREEP TO A SECOND LOCATION.

“I get a biblical plague.” You get what you deserve, Rog.

Jamie, chill with the extra testosterone. Just punch the bro or something.

Also don’t fucking blame the victim, asshole.

Literalol at Bree showing the women her like stick and sheet fan thing and then cut to all the people with just little squares, barely doing anything.

“Don’t stop! Keep your fires going!” *everyone stops and just stares at the bugs*

Gonna go ahead and take this time to remind folks that’s it’s fucking gross to get married on a plantation. Don’t do that thing.

I know a guy who is like proud of the fact that he’s an asshole. He talks about it like it’s one of his defining traits. This scene with Wylie being like “buddy, I love my shitty reputation” reminds he of that guy. I cannot fucking stand that guy.

*ignores Claire’s feelings about Fred’s dumb ring and headcanons in my own reasons instead because I cannot even with this nonsense anymore*

Ah, the Lindsays like Roger now. I still do not like Roger.

I fucking love this whole Murcasta scene. Can we get one of these for Jamie and Claire? I miss them having big sweeping scenes that have time to breathe and unfold and all the good shit like Murcasta gets here.

The show keeps trying to deny it, but scenes like this are where it’s strongest. But it refuses to accept that this is its lane and keeps trying to go elsewhere.

I miss Jamie and Claire.

I miss the MacKenzies.

I wanna give Jocasta a hug. She’s still trash for enslaving people, though.

Maria Doyle Kennedy is a goddamn treasure. Seriously, her casting was the best choice the show made in years.

That and saving Murtz, of course.

So fucking glad they cut the creepy-ass foot thing.

Jamie, you’re drunk, but read the fucking room. Claire’s right. Just because she says shit from the future all the time doesn’t negate the fact that she’s right about you right now. Also, seriously? You’re taking *this* opportunity to call her out?

Buddy deserved that slap.

Look, I’m always down for the Frasers to fuck. More Fraser fucking, I say. But this is just another instance like their fight at Lallybroch where the fight itself is never actually resolved like it should be. They just fuck about it and magically everything is ok again. Le sigh.

Murcasta gets a big long scene with time to breathe and talk through everything and it’s riveting af. But Jamie and Claire never get that anymore and it pisses me off tbh.

Stop shoehorning in book lines! She can’t see shit through all the skirts and stuff!

I miss the Lallybroch ring. What did they ever end up doing with it? It’s floating around somewhere.

Bonnet is so evil to 11 about fucking everything that it makes him boring. We get it. You’re a bad guy. Do you also have a tiny dick or something that you’re overcompensating for?

Can we please wrap this Bonnet shit up this season? I swear if they drag it out as long as they do in the books I’m gonna be rull annoyed.

Ok so now the war is actually gonna for real happen and I’m like legit out of fucks to give about it because Murtz aside, they’ve done the “it’s coming, jk!” fake out too many times...

Can they try to hang Murtz instead? Because I swear spending half a season with emo!Roger is cruel and unusual punishment.

[who-said-obsession]

Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow

Okay, so I know we’re supposed to be Naruto no matter what. I’m sure a lot of people like other characters more than Naruto, but the show is about him, so it’s kind of difficult to not root for main protagonist throughout. 

Naruto isn’t my favorite character, but he is a character that I want to see succeed. Without him, there is no show. Without his tenacity and determination, there is no message.

I’m watching through Naruto, Naruto: Shippuden, and Boruto plus all of the movies, and I just made it to episode 101, so right at this moment, I’m watching Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow. I’ve watched most of the Naruto movies before, but I’ve never seen this one. 

Something that really bothers me about this movie is the fact that everyone just expects the Princess to be on board. Are you kidding me? I mean, I get that she can be difficult and a brat at the best of times, but when they get to the Land of Snow, after she tries to quit and distance herself from her ‘guardian’ and the film crew, they basically just thrust this crazy ass ‘destiny’ on her and expect her to be like, ‘oh yeah, sign me the fuck up’. Like????

Obviously this is the way it’s suppose to go, there’s supposed to be a character that doesn’t believe in things, and Naruto is supposed to come out of the blue and make the character hopeful and whatnot, and usually I’m all for it. 

But this time it just seemed like, hey, how about you tell her about these things that shaped who she is as a person, took away her loved ones, and forced her to flee for her life? Why would she want to go back to a place where her father was killed and her Uncle was trying to kill her? For her people? She doesn’t know or sympathize with ‘her people’. 

After her guardian found her, he had all of that time to make her see how amazing it could be to go back and fight for what’s rightfully hers, and to fight for the people that believed in her, but instead he lies and manipulates her into going back to a place that she’s terrified of because the ends justify the means in his eyes. Not to mention everyone just deciding for her that she was going back to this place and going to fight without considering her thoughts and feelings at all... Naruto... 

I clearly wanted her to save the people too, but that was not the way to get her on board, and it bothers me that the writers thought there was no other way to save a kingdom of people than to gaslight this girl. 

[jaimetheexplorer]

That Emmy shit-storm on the horizon

While I’m overjoyed with the Emmy nominations for acting, directing (for Nutter and Sapo, not the other one), Ramin and Nina (because they all deserved it), we now have to brace ourselves for the gaslighting over the writing, and all the fandom drama that comes with it (like we haven’t suffered enough this year as it is). And I’m already exhausted, so here’s my take on it.

Whether you like it or not, actors have to be professional. I think it’s ridiculous of fans to expect actors to go to official events or give official interviews for nominations and say “yeah, the writing was shit and we never should have been nominated for this season”. I am not famous nor work in the entertainment industry but, sadly, that’s what “professionalism” is considered to be, even in my line of work: if anything happens in the university/department that might attract media attention, we get emails saying not to talk to the press unless we are “briefed” on how to handle it and cleared to go. And as much as I might be fed up with several aspects of my job or working for my boss, if I knew I was giving a public interview about it, I’d be incredibly uncomfortable saying that out loud, while having no problem ranting about it in private every. single. day. It sucks, that you have to be (to varying degrees) dishonest in order to be considered professional, but that’s where we are at. And, look, maybe some of them even genuinely believe the writing to be great. While it’s disappointing to hear that coming from the mouth of someone you admire, - and I personally lose respect for anyone who tries to genuinely defend this season as well written (because it defies any logic or intellect) - they are free to express that opinion, just as we are free to criticise them, lose interest in them, mute them, unfollow them and so on.

However, whether you like it or not, people can be critical of anyone involved in production and people who are hell bent on defending these statements should understand that dismissing criticism the way they’re doing (i.e. “people are just upset it’s over/they didn’t get what they wanted”) doesn’t win cast and crew any favours, if anything, it’s just going to alienate everyone even more than the plot already has. This behaviour is the equivalent of a student given a fail by all the examiners but being awarded a degree nonetheless, and dismissing the fails as “wrong” because obviously you cannot get a degree if you fail, so those who gave the student a fail didn’t know what they were talking about. While many who criticised the show have provided lengthy and thorough analyses and explanations as to why they feel that way, nobody who’s defended it has provided anywhere near the level of detail to justify their opinion. At most, it amounts to “take my word for it, D&D really cared about the story” or “it wouldn’t be this popular if the writing were bad”. To use the student analogy again, it’s like the examiners providing pages of pages of feedback to justify their grades, while the student goes “nah! in my opinion I worked hard and I deserve the degree, so I’ll take it anyway!”. This is as close to gaslighting as it comes, and nobody likes to be gaslighted.

It’s also hypocritical. When audiences praise a show and make it big, you never hear anyone involved in production saying that it’s blown out of proportion, or silly, or they’re just being emotional and irrational. However, the moment the audience turns against the show, suddenly they are being irrational and are just upset because the did not get what they wanted/expected (and, no, that is not necessarily a dirty word - if a work of fiction is built upon setting certain expectations, especially in terms of quality of the writing), and can’t really recognise good writing. So if we can’t recognise good writing, what does that say of the hype when the show was considered “good” by the majority? You can’t have your cake and eat it too. 

While taking it out on the actors for the writing, or escalating things to death threats and personal insults isn’t civil, it’s also silly to ask fans, who are, for the most part, average people, with average jobs, who sometimes find their only escape and pleasure in fiction (and who had to pay HBO subscriptions for years to watch this show), to feel sorry for two millionaires, who were in the extremely privileged position of working on the biggest show on tv (and who, unlike the average worker, won’t get fired or won’t see their money taken away from them, no matter how poorly they perform), for being criticised when they blatantly rushed and half-assed their job because they were bored. They “worked hard”? Well, so what? Plenty of people “work hard” in the world and aren’t shielded from criticism just because they do, if the final product isn’t up to standards. People aren’t “being mean” to D&D (or the actors defending them) because they want to be mean. They are being mean because they feel toyed with, conned, and their intelligence insulted when they’re being told that all the stuff they paid attention to and that the show built its entire reputation on actually didn’t mean shit in the end. It’s like asking someone who hired a construction company to build them a house and waited 8 years for it to be finished not to be pissed off when the roof ends up being built out of straw and has holes in it. 

Furthermore, Game of Thrones did not become big because of D&D’s genius: they didn’t invent it. They took GRRM’s work and adapted it to the screen, which makes the job much much much easier than creating something from scratch. On top of that, most of the praise the show has received was over the first 3-4 seasons of the show, when the show was still, by and large, more or less sticking to the books. The ratings kept growing not because the writing was so amazing in later seasons, but because, in the era of binge-watching, more and more people catch on later onto those first seasons and want to see how it ends. It’s TV 101: ratings in later seasons are a result of the quality of the previous seasons, because people cannot know in advance what they’re going to be watching. It’s the reason early seasons of any shows have lower ratings, despite often being better quality, while rating decline after the quality has already begun to decline. 

They also lucked out not only in having wonderful source material ready for them to use, but in having an HBO budget and flexibility to do whatever they wanted, an amazing casting director who picked an incredibly talented cast, and in being surrounded by talented writers, directors, composers and so on. They suffer from the exact same kind of misplaced egomania Chris Carter suffered from on The X-Files, where he thinks he’s some kind of genius for making what, at the time, was the biggest show on TV. In that case, at least Chris Carter can be praised for having created the characters and that world, but the situation is very similar. He’s a mediocre writer who lucked out by having all the pieces fall into place around him (actors, writers, directors), and his total failure at doing anything else afterwards (other than running TXF further into the ground with his revivals) is where D&D will likely be in a few years.

The reason all this “damage control” is making things even worse than they already were is because it gives the impression that that the bottom line in this is that the audience’s reaction to a work of fiction only counts as far as it’s positive and makes the production big and rich, and when it’s negative it has to be dissected for “wrongs” and dismissed as irrational or exaggerated, while showrunners are owed praise no matter what they do, by being boosted (and made rich) by feverish hype, but shielded by equally feverish criticism.

[onaf]

Galatians 3 - and why it matters

If you’ve spent more than 15 seconds on social media or watching the news, you’ve noticed something. And, perhaps, you didn’t notice that you noticed it. In the midst of the pain, suffering, rage, riots, violence, racism, the ALL CAPS ONLINE SHOUTING MATCHES, virtue signaling, gaslighting, the politics - Lord help us, the politics - of current events, you’ve picked up on a theme.

The theme is: I am clean, you are not.

See, you did notice it, didn’t you? I could pull from a million examples - ranging from headlines, Facebook statuses, meme-sharing, article pushing, tribal-mentality driven drivel that floods my smart phone every day.

“Such and such a camp is permitted to do or say this because...” - I am clean, and you are not.

“Such and such a group needs to atone for the sins of their ancestors because...” - I am clean, and you are not.

“It is time to burn it all to the ground regardless of collateral damage because...” - I am clean, and you are not.

“I refuse to think on whether or not I have hated my neighbor in any way because...” - I am clean, and you are not.

“I refuse to love those who hate me because...” - I am clean, and you are not.

As a Christian, I must say the ridiculousness of it all has gotten a mite worse. It seems that so many have begun to believe that the unifying power in the church is no longer Christ and His saving work on the cross and the power of His resurrection, but rather in creating a new list of dogmas, lingo - a new quasi-theological system by which justification no longer comes through faith, but by voting a certain way, having a certain view on history, by using certain phrases, or by changing one’s social media profile picture filter.

The American church no longer identifies Christ as the Son of God, the Authority, the Word - our factionalism and lack of Spirit-driven love has come to the fore. And we have become ugly.

We have lost sight of our first love.

I am clean. You are not.

“... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put foward as a propitiation by His blood to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in His divine forbearance, He had passed over former sins. It was to show His righteousness at the present time, so that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:23-26

This is Basic Doctrine 101. Most of orthodox Christianity knows this and asserts this - albeit with varying degrees of dedication. We sinned, God justifies us through faith in Jesus through Jesus. There’s a lot that goes into explaining that, but there it is. Irreducible Christianity.

But there’s an issue. The Christians in Paul’s day in the church of Galatia were hosting a growing movement of legalists, who were trying to get the Christians to adhere to the Old Testament law - as if the gospel was really about works and not faith, or at least works + faith = salvation.

You know what Paul said?

“O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” Galatians 3:1-3

The church in Galatia had begun to say “Yeah, yeah! What Christ did on the cross was cool, but, you see - I need to be justified. So, no disrespect to you, Son of God, I think I’ll do, do, and do some more to try to measure up to the moral law so I can show God we’re cool.”

It’s a classic case of trying to say...

I am clean.

What they didn’t understand is exactly what Paul tells them:

“For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse: for it is written, Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” Galatians 3:10

To summarize the thought, think of it this way.

If you want to show God that you’re clean by having “good morals,” or by “adhering to the Law,” (a.k.a. “being a good person” or “being a good Christian”) you are henceforth under a total obligation from birth to your death to follow God’s moral Law completely in every thought, word, and deed. If, even once - for the briefest of moments and in the smallest of ways- you break God's Law, you're guilty of breaking all of the Law. From then on, no amount of works can restore you or atone for what you've done.

To shorten it further: if you’re gonna rely on moral performance to show God why He should love and accept you, you dang well better be perfect or you’re done.

Any Christian ought to realize that they cannot be perfect! Paul even goes on to say that the Law isn’t even designed to save. It is designed to point the way, by contrast (among other ways), to the one who is able and authorized and good enough to save.

Enter the perfect Son of God.

“Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for ‘The righteous shall live by faith.’ But the law is not of faith, rather. ‘The one who does them shall live by them.’ Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us - for it is written, ‘Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree’ - so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.” Galatians 3:11-14

In essence, the ability to say “I AM CLEAN” comes through reliance and faith on the one who justifies us - not through spiritual and performance to gain God’s favor.

But that’s where we have seemed to go wrong. The American church is in turmoil despite most of us adhering to salvation-by-grace. Good on us. 10 points for Gryffindor. However, I have seen a new system arise where people in the church are in a panic - seeking to justify themselves before men and God by taking up any new fad - a new system of kneeling and lingo and constitutionalism, pro-life vs. progressive - all out of a desire to say to men and God...

“I AM CLEAN.”

It’s not working.

The reason is summed up in a phrase so old and trite, it’s ridiculous, but heavy with relevance. “Well, nobody’s perfect.” The same people who say that have been, in my experience, saying that they think they’re good people. Good as in decent. But they cannot say good as in perfect. They grade on a curve. A really... really... big curve. This is another way of saying that they think they’re justified as long as they don’t look at perfection. As long as it’s a game of comparisons, we’re good. There’s bound to be someone else who is worse than I am so - as much as it’ll suck to be that guy - I’m fine. Probably.

So... it’s about performance?

“For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse: for it is written, Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” Galatians 3:10

Again. If it’s about performance, you’re either obligated to be perfect or you’re done. So why is the American church forgetting this? Has God’s standards of justification changed or have we simply moved the goalposts hoping that God wouldn’t notice?

I could go on, but I’ve probably lost 80 percent of you already - at least. I’ll try to hurry up.

"I am clean... AND YOU ARE NOT.”

I see so many Christians - especially now - saying that one evil act or another, one evil attitude of the heart or another, one hateful word or another is justified. Why? Because they were wronged first, and they were wronged worst. What I can’t understand is how any of this - ALL of this - is Godly. How does one’s uncleanliness purge me of my uncleanliness? How does one’s evil override my evil? How does one’s sin draw God’s attention away from mine?

“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have no received reconciliation.” Romans 5:6-11

We are all sinners. God doesn’t grade on a curve and nothing we could ever do will convince Him to give up His holiness and wink at sin.

But because of what Christ has accomplished, we have every reason to seek true reconciliation, repentance, and forgiveness.

Are you thinking that your sins are purged by posting trending hashtags, changing profile pictures, or by parroting the latest edgy one-liners of today? Repent, you have tried to justify yourself through your own means instead of the means God has provided to you - namely Christ. You might receive the praise of some for your efforts, but man is fickle - today they'll love you but tomorrow they may cancel you.

Are you a closet racist who makes excuses for your hate by hiding behind patriotism and constitutional jargon? Repent, turn to the one who has created all men equal, then reconcile - learn to love your neighbor because of the love Christ showed you. Don’t make a fool of yourself by assuming cultural, political, or national identity makes one person better than another before almighty God.

Are you cheering on the destruction of the lives and livelihood of others - hoping that the sins of past generations will distract God to what you’re doing now? Repent, the cost of doing violence to your neighbor will fall on your own head - you will be the only one to answer for your sins. Reconcile with the ones who are collateral damage in the path of your rage. Forgive even the ones who hate you - not for their sake - but for the sake of the one who died for those who killed Him with the utmost malice.

Are you telling fellow Christians that the gospel “simply isn’t enough” to combat sin and despair in the world? Repent - you speak on something that you apparently know very little, and you show contempt for Christ’s redeeming work. The gospel permeates through every inch of our lives, despite you yourself relegating it only to the four walls of a church sanctuary one day a week. Think on this: “The LORD reigns; let the peoples tremble! He sits enthroned upon the cherubim; let the earth quake! The Lord is great in Zion; He is exalted over all the peoples. Let them praise your great and awesome name! Holy is He! The King in His might loves justice, You have established equity, you have executed justice and righteousness in Jacob. Exalt the LORD our God; worship at His footstool! Holy is He!” Psalm 99:1-5... does that sound like the author of an ineffectual gospel that needs your help to succeed?

Are you creating sub-factions in the church, telling other Christians that they may come “this far and no further” because you think they aren’t "getting with the program"? Repent, for they were created in the image of your maker - who is not a respecter of persons (James 2:1-13). Reconcile, for this should be your aim: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

To the American church, I say this: maintain the testimony of Christ in you. Don’t give up. Show the world that, in Jesus, all mankind is offered reconciliation and justification. Don’t subject yourselves to vain shows of morality, since we know that morality on any level doesn’t justify. We are justified by the Son of God - not by traditions or faddish jargon or glory-seeking outward signs of good works.

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8

So, with all that said, Christians must drop the “I am clean, you are not” attitude. Instead, say “In Christ, I am clean, and, in Christ, so are you.”

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I think we left shortly after,” adds the 41-year-old from Glasgow. Her mother had no choice but to flee her abuser, but due to the unfit social care system they were plunged into poverty.  Male victims of domestic violence are being failed by the system “We moved to a refuge with virtually nothing. No toys and no clothes. I always remember my mum telling me not to get dirty, as she couldn’t wash my clothes. We had a room and the lock didn’t work. I think my mum had to place furniture in front of the door to keep us safe or at least I remember her moving furniture about a lot.” A shared bathroom with broken lock which she had to guard while her mum quickly had a bath is another of Harvey’s childhood memories. And having to eat her dinner in their small room because there weren’t any cooking facilities. And how unclean their new home was.  “I don’t remember meeting any other kids and it was noisy and scary, especially at night. My mum has seven siblings and growing up I did wonder why we didn’t stay with them or her mum, but I suppose we had to be somewhere where he couldn’t get her, and that would have been the safest place to be.” Harvey isn’t certain how long she lived in the refuge. Eventually, she moved in with her grandmother until her mother married another man, and forged a safe, happy relationship.  Gaslighting and how can it change a victim’s perception of reality “I’m sure I did understand the situation I was in otherwise I’d have forgotten about it by now, as it’s not something that was openly discussed throughout my childhood,” she adds.

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