#i might do his interview too idk yet ive not watched it yet

[skitskatdacat63]

The backwards cap does things to me 😵‍💫

[kisses444katie]

hi babes, I love your reading so much-I got a request for you. Tom kaulitz in love wit the tokio hotel assistant? Since the job interview with the band, he fell in love idk😭😭

hiii lovely, sorry i took a while to reply and that this may not be too well written - ive had sooooo many assignments lately

i might end up rewriting it as well, but nevertheless enjoy ml ♡

(not proofread 😭 so sorryyy for any mistakes)

-love always, katie

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

despite the ‘smoking prohibited’ sign, you found yourself leaning upon a cubicle wall, lighter clutched in one hand, as you used the other to place the cigarette between your rose tinted lips. your finger hastily flicking the click and producing a flame. Inhaling the addictive smoke, letting it explore your lungs, before releasing it into a swirling cloud of grey.

after a few drags, you tossed it to the floor, before stubbing it out it with the bottom of your heel. you were too anxious to really care about littering. 

stepping out of the cubicle, you let the door swing, taking in your appearance in the mirror set in front of you. 

bringing a digit to your lips, you noticed the rosy stain had left them. looking for a gloss or lipstick, you fumbled between the discarded cash, pens, and papers of your purse. finally finding the first gloss you could, you twisted the cap open and applied a crimson layer to your parted pillows. fixing any smudges swiftly, and spritzing a light prolific coat of perfume. 

taking one last glance, you smoothed down your outfit and slung your purse on your shoulder.

clutching a paper copy of your resumé, along with your portfolio, you entered the room. your gaze immediately laying upon him. 

“please, take a seat.”

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

you couldn’t quite tell when the flirtatious remarks, or lingering glances had become more. but every time you so much as glanced in his direction, you felt a wave of heat washing over you, leaving you a bright shade of rose in its wake. 

for him, he couldn’t quite understand how you, some random girl, had left him so consumed. perhaps it was your alluring good girl facade. always so punctual, always so organised, so sweet, so pretty, so perfect - he knew there was more to you, that this was a little act. your beauty, to him, was ethereal. the way you had left an ingrained image of you in his mind. he only had eyes for you.

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

your eyes fluttered shut, bringing your fingers to your temples, massaging away as if you were to dismiss the boy’s effect on your head. 

you had so much to do: scheduling, organising, planning, and yet all your thoughts were invaded with the idea of that immature teen with the guitar. 

hearing the blasting music, you weren’t sure you could help yourself, maybe you’d give in and distract yourself from the work. sure, tom would be there, but maybe that’s exactly what you wanted. 

stepping out from your make-shift office, you were in a trance; watching, listening from behind the scenes.

midway through the band’s performance, instead of his view set on the thousands of crazed fangirls, he found it lingering on your figure, standing in the stage’s entryway.  

your hips swaying side to side in sync with the rhythm, your hair wild, the clipboard clutched in your hand. 

catching a glimpse of his stare, your lips parted subconsciously, before forming into a smirk.

you couldn’t lie, you adored how infatuated he’d become with you, because you found yourself feeling just the same about him. 

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

a calloused hand wrapped around your forearm, pulling you through a slight crowd of people. the performance had just come to an end, and in a blurred rush, tom had come off stage, dropped his guitar off, and almost dragged you away.

pushing you up against some backroom’s wall, you were lost, seeing stars just from his touch. he’d held an arm against the wall, the other draped around your warm body.

his face glistened with the light layer of sweat painted across it, parted lips just mere centimetres away from connecting. “not so professional now, hm?” he mumbled breathlessly, a slight sense of smugness intertwined between his words.

you wanted to reply, but failed to. you were drowning in lust. the hand once wrapped around your figure, found its way travelling to your face, before tilting your chin upward. “you looked s’pretty, dancing like that,”

“shut up,” you closed the gap between you, pressing your soft lips on his. 

the kiss was hasty, reflecting how much of a long time coming this had been. so dangerously, obsessively, wonderfully heated. 

when he reluctantly allowed for you to come up for air, you rested your forehead against his, a slight blush tinting your plush cheeks. “wanted this for so long, so long”

bringing his head to the nape of your neck, nuzzling into it, “so long,” his voice vibrating against your heated skin, leaving you shuddering. 

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

you justified it with post-concert adrenaline, but deep down you knew it was more, you wanted more.

and in your absence, he could smell that sweet sillage of your perfume all over him, leaving him wanting more.

˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹------˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹

[many-gay-magpies]

5, 8, 19 for the dbd ask game! xoxo

aaaa thank you so much for asking!! most of this has been put under a cut because apparently i had a lot to say hdhfjfbfb

5. Which character do you relate to the most?

i think out of the main cast, i relate most to niko, but i also relate somewhat to kashi—and i mean, the night nurse said they were alike, so that makes a kind of sense XD.

niko reminds me specifically of a version of myself i USED to be, or like, one that's lying dormant. she's awkward and reclusive and extremely literal with her language, and once someone takes her out of her box she's super friendly, but she doesn't know how to get HERSELF out of the box, so she needs a friend who openly and unashamedly enjoys her presence and invites her along to things (like edwin!). i'm getting better with socializing, but that definitely reminds me of MYSELF with the whole social vampire thing of, like, i wont interact with you in depth unless you invite me first. she also has a lot of knowledge about random and frequently creepy things (see "long pig"), which i relate to on a spiritual level, AND she has an incredibly bright and exuberant fashion sense, which i feel is the case for me as well. ALSO!! aro niko is basically canon as far as im concerned, and idk if thats because its actually viable; because i, an aro, projected onto her way too hard; or both of those things. honestly, it's kind of a surprise i'm not more obsessed with her, but maybe this is exactly WHY i'm not. her character's already familiar to me because i grew up with her in my head.

as for kashi, it's more like. specifically his view of his life and past experiences? like, the way he goes "really im not sure i HAVE any trauma" and night nurse goes "YOU WERE SWALLOWED BY A GIGANTIC FISH" and he smiles all wistful and goes "ah, one of life's many adventures!". even when i have bad experiences don't necessarily enjoy them in the moment, there's a part of my brain that's like. yes!! negative emotion!! so refreshing and fun!! this is evidence that we are human!! this is a symptom of life!! yes!! how joyous!! like i was a fucking alien in a past life or something and the little alien remains of my soul are so utterly fascinated by every aspect of human existence, whether its grim and painful or fun and full of love. so. me and kashi 🤝🤝🤝

8. A headcanon you have (that you havent seen talked about yet)!

idk if this counts as me not seeing it be talked about yet because the whole thing that SPURNED this headcanon was seeing someone offhandedly mention that crystal would probably be good at drawing due to having rich artist parents, but i imagine crystal being kind of an artist herself (and in fact ive written 2k words of fic about it! its on the backburner at the moment tho). her fashion sense is very reminiscent of the way an art kid would dress (see: ME), and it just feels like it makes SENSE given her parents' profession and how she might have been raised, growing up around art. i also feel like little kid crystal, seeing how much attention her parents gave to the OTHER artists in their installations, might have tried to gain their attention for herself by getting really good at art, before she realized the problem wasn't anything she was or wasn't doing; it was just her (or, more accurately, it was the fact that her parents were neglectful pieces of shit who probably never should have had a child).

19. Favourite actor from the show?

i don't really get into the actors of shows on a personal level, although i do love watching behind the scenes and interviews of them just goofing off and having a good time, so for this question—i don't really know? george rexstrew seems like a very nice and down-to-earth person, and jayden just seems cool and fun(ny), but they're all pretty much just guys (gender neutral) to me.

if we're talking acting... man idk, they're all so good. this being george's first onscreen role out of theater school is fucking amazing, he absolutely killed it, and the sheer DEDICATION is awe-inspiring (i think i read that he actually took ballet classes to help him walk and move like edwin?). all jayden's micro-expressions and actingchoices as charles blow me out of the fucking water, and kassius made crystal feel so real and genuine, and... yeah, i could go on XD.

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

Hi! I love your blog ☺️

What are your fave theories of where or what Lestat is doing in the current timeline? How do you imagine they’ll finally see each other again in the present day? I know that I will go feral tho

🥹💕 aawwe hiii

Thank you! I appreciate you saying that. I like the Theories that Lestat might be in like a deep slumber and they are trying to get him up as this is going to put Louis in danger and Lestat would wake up to protect him. (at this point i need to see him raise actual hell behind Louis as much as i need to see him die and suffer multiple times. but love him. but i also hate him and i want to see him hysterically cry and go through PAIN like. its complicated okay!? he’s a fantastic character.) Maybe he’s underground in a deep sleep somewhere else, but there has been a theory that he might be the groan in the tower. and I wonder how that might be. I thought that was really interesting. especially with the aspects that Louis been taking care of him trying to get him up to no avail.

I like the theory that maybe he isn't sleeping, but hasn't done his rockstar era yet so we’ll get a modernized version of that. to couple this with a theory about his music. i like this theory that he’s like more of this underground artist that Armand is aware of and Louis isnt.

i like the theory that we might see a drop off the tower in Dubai. That it might be Armand who tosses Lestat off it. Though I’m thinking if this were the case it would have to be combined with him being awake and out there and that the interview makes him show up??? Im not sure how this will go. but I am a fan of seeing their dynamic like I sooo badly want to see Armand and Lestat at each other’s necks. like in each others faces like there might be a kiss but they won’t cause they fighting and arguing and the like. Assad and Sam playing off each other is gonna be so so good. like im ready to have my head blown panties blown off

ALSO i like the theory that David been cancelled all my homies hate david 🤭 and he’s being combined into Daniel. That Lestat might tell Daniel his story. I gotta say Daniel and Lestat in a scene together gonna send me into the stratosphere. I listened to like the first page of TVL on a youtube audiobook recording thing bc I wanted to see if that post about how it starts was real. I cannot even believe how accurate that was lmao. I’d love to seee Daniel take in Lestat telling his story. like starting him off with that description of himself as if Daniel isnt looking right at him. Sam would EAT. and Eric playing against is all these insane vampires would be incredible. They all play into the comedy soo well. like i expect absurdity at the highest level. It’d be interesting to watch Louis listen to Lestat talk about his end of things too you know? especially where Claudia is concerned as well. Like doesnt Lestat call up her ghost? so what if he’s done that you know? and he talks about that and that’s something Louis doesnt know yet? idk im speculating from a place of not knowing so please jump in if you know how that actually plays out. and like if Daniel does get pieces of David’s story then doesn't that mean Lestat would be kinda into him? I need this old man to get passed around is what im getting at 😭

(ohh re: daniel as david… will he be a part of the totbt stuff too!? oh that would be cool from what ive heard of it)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ok-yikes replied to your post: diefordarkseid replied to your post: ...

ok but like thank u sm for the link i’ve been vaguely following your winston/billions content and ive been trying to find the context without having to watch the whole thing lmao so now i can fully understand ur analysis and art that i already enjoy!!

oh first of aw!!!! that’s such a compliment lol ty and yes s/o to @winstonthequant for posting that compilation for 5.5k+ people to partake in, it’s super useful

yeah we Jest that all anyone needs to know to understand the Spirit Of Wynnstanning is to have seen those scenes with winston and taylor from kompenso, ep 3x11 lol.....i mean it’s partially a joke but it’s also partially true, that’s pretty much the Cause of the group of us going “oh my god” and becoming Invested in all of this. winnie n tay baby.......their Dynamique...they are way too good Ugh

and yeah the Broadest Of Strokes of this series overall is that the Central Theme is "insufferable bastard hedge fund ceo damian lewis [aka axe] man Versus insufferable bastard attorney general paul giamatti man [aka chuck],” just these corrupt assholes having a back and forth slapfight power struggle every season. nobody cares what happens in season 1 but taylor is introduced at the start of season 2 as a just-out-of-undergrad intern at axe’s hedge fund. turns out they’re amazing at hedge funding (they have some goddamn sense and strategy and awareness, whereas axe is 100% beholden to the whims of his own Delicate Temper and Ego and is a continually self-sabotaging idiot, nbd) and by season 3, while axe is doing a bit of jail time over insider trading (see: previous parenthetical) taylor is left effectively in charge of axe’s hedge fund, which btw is called axe capital

Our Beloved Quant Winston enters the picture 3 eps into this situation, where taylor is attempting to start a quant team at axe cap, hence interviewing him, then only known as “quant kid 2″ in the credits. [not-that-informed explanation of What Is A Quant: where the Traditional Financial Analysts in a hedge fund try to make profitable stonk trades just via like, reacting to The News and other publically available info / whipping up Strategies / intuiting shit and making judgment calls or whatever the hell they do, a Quantitative Analyst (a more recent development in the high finance world) is taking a more mathematical approach to the whole legal gambling operation which is The Stock Market and might, as winston does, use An Algorithm to analyze finance info and make trades in response. is the vague idea here] Quant Kid 2 was not Originally meant to ever reappear, hence him just messing up the interview and getting sent off after like 30 seconds, but they wrote him in further when William Roland showed up and actually filmed the scene. 

when “i’m a shitty bastard driven by my shitty ego and will self-sabotage if my Pride asks for it on a whim” axe shows back up, tl;dr, he spends the rest of s3 being terrible and unappreciative to taylor, who you might imagine is Threatening That Delicate Ego of his by capably taking care of his hedge fund while he was indisposed. for example, he needlessly wrecks taylor’s relationship with a guy they were having a nice time dating (and will, we’re pretty sure, talk to again in s5ep2!! hoorayy) and does basically the opposite of apologizing, sweeps taylor’s Quant Project into the trash, gets mad at them for failing to land a certain investor which he said they did on purpose which idk they May Have lol i think this was later in the season, and won’t give them the raise they want, and that’s just A Few of the bullet points in this topic. but oops, turns out that taylor has been secretly taking steps to put together their own entirely separate hedge fund! which is where winston comes back in, aka their meeting him in that empty classroom only to summon him to a random basement. that algorithm he ends up creating for them (which he’d Assumed was for axe cap purposes) was used by taylor to entice a Big Investor at axe cap to invest in their own hedge fund, taylor mason capital, which exists by the end of season 3, which obviously axe is not happy about and of course it’s a whole ~betrayal~ even though he did it to himself but no, he decides taylor is his Nemesis, b/c in so many ways he is a dumbass. god

season 4 has winston as taylor’s Main Quant (the one time we hear his name spoken aloud is taylor saying “winston and the quant team). taylor spends the season dealing with all the problems of having a Brand New Hedge Fund and having a Well Established Hedge Fund With An Asshole At The Helm constantly trying to sabotage their fund, which we also call tmc / mase cap for short, just for reference lmao, the latter being how they shorten it in the show’s actual dialogue. the Front Running mentioned in that one clip was an instance of such sabotage. and by the time winston shows up 5 eps later, that Fracking Subplot (lmao...this fucking show) was about taylor being reeeeal sick of axe cap’s sabotage b/c they kinda made it personal, and thus spending the whole episode Completely playing axe for a fool, which was kinda fun, b/c it’s not that hard and he has it coming. it gets a little involved with what’s going on in ep 4x11 with the bonuses lmfao but it's nbd, just know that winston was right, we went frantic about him being Bullied and are still indignant about it, and taylor talking to Everyone in that 4x12 clip does seem to address what winston had said, compare and contrast 4 yourselves, even if this apparently went totally over the heads of any Regular Billions Viewers lmao. and then in 4x12 A Lot Happens b/c it’s the finale but axe manages to self-sabotage himself in a way that does a lot of damage for mase cap though, and axe thinks that he’s successfully blackmailed taylor into returning to axe cap with mase cap as a Supposedly Temporary subsidiary of axe cap, which sucks, but taylor is not as blackmailed as he thinks, which is a secret, Drama and Twists and Shifting / Dubious Loyalties and Stonks are just constant themes here and who cares. we are here for the quant, who is there with taylor

We Have Many Ideas / wise concepts and headcanons, seeing as canon is a nightmare and there’s not That much material re: winston and precious few details about him / he spends sooo much time offscreen and unmentioned and it leaves us plenty of blanks to fill in. for example, maybe u noticed we think he should kiss taylor and also get railed by them, there are extensive ideas about that relationship wherein we happily ignore Finance. also, there is an unusually kind and reasonable analyst over at axe cap named ben kim who we also think should kiss winston, so yeah That idea is sure around as well lol, they have enough Parallels and complementary Similarities and Contrasts and also just like, a normal nice person is a rarity on this show, so ben does Not have a world of competition in our [list of people who’d be Okay to kiss winston, b/c someone should, b/c he deserves that cuz we love him]

yeah that’s my Quick Basic Context summary lmao we hate it here but also we have fun, and really at any time (extending this to anyone lol) feel free to Send An Ask about anything at all b/c i am Not annoyed by random / unprompted asks from anybody, i love interaction! who knows if i’ll answer promptly (for example: sorry @ the person who’s asked for deh/bmc hcs who i havent answered yet lol) but yeah. it’s totally nice that you were already interested even without any Context lmao like. i mean yeah basically the joke still stands that the only context u truly need is that one scene from Kompenso but. yeah #Stonks

[datleggy]

I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove. 

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of  her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance  :)

[notsimplysusurrus]

So...I’m back on my bullshit, y’know, watching more documentaries about “father-daughter purity balls” and writing my feelings about them. 

But this time, they interviewed frat boys, which tbh was much better than I imagined it would be. They were surprisingly sex-positive? One guy straight up was like “too many people put sex up on a pedestal, but it shouldn’t be”. I agree random, frat boy. 

They have a chat with the despicable institutions known as “[crisis] pregnancy centres”. You don’t have to be a doctor/nurse to work there--only a “Bible-believing Xtian”. We love manipulating pregnant people into doing things they don’t want to do /s/. Moreover they, of course, offer abstinence-only sex education. 

Wowza, people seriously talking about religious guilt in regards to sex (and in general). And he’s still an Xtian yet not shitty! That’s not to say I dislike all xtians but rather to say ive had enough bad experiences with them to be cautious. Good for you, mate. He said that Xtianity dampens a person’s ability to express themselves sexually--even if they are married (as in his, personal experience but I believe it).  Xtian man strikes again, saying that saving yourself for marriage doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Again: good for you, mate.

An American Idol contestant is being interviewed on a radio show? She’s so pure uwu /s/. SHE SANG A SONG ABOUT PURITY. I fucking can’t. It’s called “Count Me Out” if you were wondering. This concept of “spiritual purity” after you’ve chosen to lose your virginity (and done so consensually) is so silly to me. 

Damn one (1) queen points out that “saving yourself for someone special” is shit when you get married to someone you later find out isn’t all that special. Then they provide a quote that says “Evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rate out of any social group in the United States” (source provided: The Barna Research Group). 

1996 - “The Silver Ring Thing” was founded

*TSRT is apparently a stupidass abstinence-only education program

*“gOd cReAtEd SeX aND MarRiaGE”

*“PRO VIRGINITY MUSIC AND SKITS” WHAT IS THIS? Every time I watch one of these videos, I feel more powerful as a non-married, non-virgin

*They claim “safe sex isn’t”....okay Karen AND the US Gov fucking aids in its funding im going to kms

*“Are you both virgins?”

“My religion is Catholic” --> this carries so much “I thought you were aMeRiCan” energy

*“a “women” [who they define as “women”] is supposed to bleed the first time they have sex” NOnoOnonononononnoNOoo. You might, but that’s not a given if you’re properly aroused STOP TEACHING YOUNG PEOPLE LIES

*This mans also claims, basically, that you’ll never bleed again after losing your virginity when you’re “supposed to” but that is NOT true--people with vaginas can bleed any time that penetration occurs. Again, it depends on how lubricated and/or aroused you are--not virginity (lube is your friend, trust me.)

*I’m going to punch him “spIriTUal HeALiNG maDe heR BLeEd on Her WedDinG niGhT”. NO, IT DIDN’T! She just wasn’t properly aroused and or lubricated (probably because your virgin so-called friend is ignorant asf). He also considers this “healing” IM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND

*...the story wasn’t really about his “friend”...it was about him...so he’s the dumbass here--USE FUCKING LUBE. ANd he shares this story with people???

2005 - ACLU sues TSRT bc it uses tax dollars to promote Xtianity 

2006 - TSRT refuses to change and loses federal funding 

Good for the ACLU. The US Gov is supposed to be secular (though it’s often not, and I recognise that). 

Dr. Douglas Kirby “The Grandfather of Sex Education” appeareth and local fucker compares safe sex to drunk driving while wearing a seatbelt and smoking filtered ciggies. More at six. Dr. DK throws down about the merits of comprehensive sexual education.

Aforementioned fucker claims that his “research” on condoms revealed that they’re “not effective” (when used properly, they most definitely are btw--in regards both to pregnancy prevention and preventing STDs). 

“When you’re using a condom you’re having unsafe sex. When you’re [practising] abstinence, you’re having safe sex.” -aforementioned fucker

Journal of Religion and Society (2005): “Higher rates of a belief in a Creator correlate with higher rates of STDs, teen pregnancy, and abortion. 

A woman who had an abortion (unknowingly) makes the case that religious guilt often makes people feel bad about having an abortion. Also, her ex-boyfriend was a real wanker, so I wish Penny the best. 

Annnd some of the frat boys end up being expectedly shitty later on -.- “no woman with my baby is getting an abortion”. Go fuck yourself. 

Aforementioned fucker doesn’t believe there ought to be exceptions for abortions in the case of rape or incest. I’m...disappointed but not surprised.

Abortions used to be covered by Medicaid?? Why is the US so good at going back on decent decisions and being an asshole, instead? And the feminist writer who points this out is a whole ass comrade, talking about how the poor are being especially fucked over by anti-abortion legislation. 

Dr. Claire Brindis points out that the “pro-life” movement is really hypocritical because it doesn’t support government programs that would aid poor, single mothers they so desperately want to keep from having abortions. 

Ffs Teddy is complaining about being sleepy and ready to go to bed, so idk if we can finish this tonight. There’s less than 30 minutes left though! Maybe I can bribe him.

Dr. CB - some women tell me “the only way I could get out of a gang was by getting pregnant” oh deer, oh my. But also...that’s probably not the best environment for a child. DR. CB also says that CSA can cause [afab people] to engage in/want relationships with older men...so that explains a lot about me.

The United States has the highest rape rate among countries that repost such statistics - 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan. 

Yikes, yikes, yikes. Feminist writer woman is back with straight facts: “age-appropriate sex education starting in kindergarten can protect children from sexual abuse bc if you’re not talking to [them] about what parts are private, [they aren’t able to tell an adult that they’re being abused because they don’t always realise what’s happening is abuse].” 

Random aside: there is a stripper talking about how she was raised Catholic and now teaches pole dancing, and she’s...very talented. 10/10 do support. you go, gurl.  

95% of young people have sex before marriage acc. to Dr. Douglas Kirby

Okay, the woman who teaches pole dancing is a straight queen, talking about how she wants her daughter to have safe sex if she’s going to with a guy or a girl, and I love this woman. Aforementioned fucker, on the other hand, says that he wouldn’t tell his daughter to use a condom bc it “wouldn’t protect her”. Again...incredibly disappointed but still not surprised. 

My ex-stripper QUEEN SAID “MY FATHER DOES NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER MY PUSSY” What a goddamn queen?! Gods and she says that this whole purity ball bullshit is about male power. Be my friend. Realise how powerful you are! I love her. 

Awww in the post-credit scenes, it says that the girl who I talked about having had an abortion feels much better about her decision now. Good for her!

Anyway, @ntis this is why not educating children and teens about sex is super no bueno. 

[namuneulbo]

week four

this week was similar to last week, u know, ups and downs or whatever (but if were being totally honest, isnt every week like that?) but a lot of things happened. i had three tests: health, english and finnish. it was v tiring since i happened to have a lot of other schoolwork as well so its been v exhausting but one funny thing is that i only had one offline school day and it lasted for an hour and a half. its not that special though since i spent my entire days doing online school stuff instead lol

i had a job interview on monday for a cleaning job. it went surprisingly well and everyone working at that office were milfs so it was an overall good experience even if i dont get the job. i still need to look for some more jobs though in case i dont get that one. ive applied for a few already but havent had any other interviews. i became a bit obsessed w eric nams podcast daebak show so i listened to that as well as a few txt songs when i was walking to and from the interview.

on the way home i stopped by a store to use up the gift card i had. i first went to the makeup store but i didnt really know what i was looking for so i just went into the grocery store bc i knew i at least wanted a ben & jerrys. the gift card had 15€ on it so i couldnt get anything too hefty but i ended up really liking what i got; a ben & jerrys and three packs of rhinestone stickers. i finally got to try a vegan ben & jerrys flavor!! b&j are so expensive so i usually only get them when theyre on sale. they quite often have 3 pints for 10€ but the non-diary ones arent included in those. i got the cookie dough one since cookie dough is one of my fav flavors of the regular ice creams. i got the rhinestone stickers bc ive wanted to get some for a while so i can put them on my face !! im so excited to use them while wearing some cute makeup look.

ive become obsessed w quite a lot of songs this week. i made a january pl where i put all the songs that stick out to me this month. some ive already played sm im a bit tired of them >-< a few im not tired of yet though would be ghosting by txt, dreams come true by aespa and save your tears by the weeknd. by the end of the year ill have 12 pls that ill later mash into one big 2022 pl !!!!

on wednesday (i think ??) i finally got my new glasses. idk how to describe them really but theyre quite square and have no frames around the lenses and the side parts have rhinestones on them. i feel like ive mentioned rhinestones a lot in this post,, i just like glittery things TT anyways i love these glasses a lot and i feel so me in them. ALSO, its so nice to be able to see and also not get constant headaches FUCK im so relieved.

thursday i had a doctors appointment (or i guess psychologist??). i thought hed be a psychiatrist so i was expecting a diagnosis but nope, he was just some middleground and he wrote a referral to a psychiatrist after hearing me explain my symptoms. l said theres only one psychiatrist in the area though so it might take a WHILE before i get (or dont get) my ocd diagnose.

(doctor, this is a bit embarrassing but if u ever happen to read this, u are so fit. u single?)

friday was so amaze!!!! since i had no school and finished my tests i got to rest during the day and in the evening i met up w l and we got take-out and went to my place and watched singles inferno. as a bisexual, that show is pretty amaze but im too biased bc i wont let go of soyeon and yeawon. i quite like sihun too. idk,,,,, am i just a living bi stereotype? probably.

saturday was incredibly uneventful.

sunday, today, i went to visit my brother since it was his birthday on thursday. i got him a chocolate bar (well, my mom bought it for me since i didnt join her on her grocery shopping trip and she offered to pay for it too lol but its from me in spirit or whatever). he was busy renovating when we got there so i was bored to death but at least i got to pet some cats and a dog so it wasnt TOO bad. on our way home my mom and i stopped by mcdonalds which was nice :]

sotw: obey me! boys - its my party

[kveom]

secret carat here again <3 im so sorry i didnt realize how much time passed since my last message, this past week feels like it went by in a flash... i hope you've been well in the meantime tho <3 ive been meaning to get into kdramas myself, my sister made me watch hes psychometric and devil judge with her (obviously shes a got7 stan hehe) and i really enjoyed them ! the hard part is finding something to watch next.. what are some of your favorite kdramas? maybe i can check those out someday <3

oooh trust me whipped cream on hot chocolate is SO DIVINE. i wont lie tho im not above making hot chocolate as an excuse to consume unholy amounts of whipped cream so maybe im biased 😳😳 it must be a little funny watching all these christmas themed movies and cartoons in winter wonderland-esque settings as a child tho~ do you actually celebrate christmas tho? and if you do, do you have any special traditions?~

oh agree ! 2017-18 was kinda like,,,, seokhan's honeymoon phase lmao the way these two would never shut up about each other and do everything together to the point where the rest of the members would constantly tease them about it hhhdfh like,, i very vividly remember boo and coups jokingly whining that "jeonghan only takes care of dk these days" ? dokyeom seems to hang out a lot with joshua nowadays and i really love their dynamic as well !! god theyre all so cute, i love all the different relationships between the members sm <3 for vernon and dk, that video of dokyeom splashing vernon with water and then himself is SO FUNNY and such a great example of how they click so well despite their different personalities,,,,, 218 best bros <3333

omg i think if i had a say in their next comeback concept i would just.. want them to have an Actual Concept? design, concept and styling wise svt's albums & comebacks in general have been a little underwhelming the past few years imo and its such a shame because their albums have SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL to tell these amazing visual stories to compliment their music. from their interviews it's obvious the boys have a clear vision for each comeback too so its really pledis who needs to step up their game.. fear for example, i feel like they couldve done something really cool with that; maybe like a dark, ethereal, almost fantasy-esque concept ? and they got sooooo close with some of the shots in the mv but it still felt a little empty and uninspired in the end idk. home run too, i think most carats can agree its downright criminal that we never got a vintage baseball themed stage (im still so bitter about this ashdjdj) idk idk ;;;

nooooo i still havent watched in the soop yet omg,, im waiting for the perfect moment to sit down and enjoy it in peace but it seems that moment might never come ^^" and i still have to watch some of the htr episodes too, and so many gose episodes that i missed this year (which is why i cant really answer your question about my favorite episode welp but what was yours of this past season?)........ yea omg that woozi moment in boo's past life destiny was so precious hfhfhhf has anyone made a woozi querencia compilation set yet cause i need it so bad 💔

naww it's so cute how you considered his love language to come up with a gift ;-; the survey responses would be such a lovely present and im sure he would appreciate it sm <333 i remember your 2018 birthday post for him so well, can i just say thank you for creating such lovely content for dk ! im so in love with everything you post and i can tell you put a lot of thought and love in your creations and emo rant posts about him its really sweet <3

speaking of christmas gifts !!! dokyeom gave us one too ;-; what did you think of you're my christmas? <3

~ your secret carat ⛄

FIRSTLY I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT DK'S SONG UNTIL I SAW YOUR MESSAGE AKNDAKAK THANK U I LOVEEEEE that his solo is a Christmas themed song?????? It's so bright and hopeful and so fitting. He really just keeps on giving 😭

ooooh he is pyschometric got me back into crime dramas!! I originally watched it for the romcom but got sucked into everything else. I mainly watch romcoms but if you're into crime?? then I would recommend tunnel, signal, stranger and I'm watching the good detective right now! If you don't mind romcom I would also recommend suspicious partner, it's romcom/crime and is one of my top 3 kdramas hehe

yeah sometimes it doesn't feel like Christmas here because I associate Christmas with winter and snow etc. and yeah I do celebrate Christmas! Do you?? I don't have any tradition other than spending time with family and eating but what more could you ask for tbh

for dk's birthday a few years ago I did a set for each dk pairing and it was soooo fun even though I could *not* do that again ajdbakak but I remember for seoksoo their moments were mostly in the background like their little dinner date hehe so cute <3 but yeah! a couple of years ago I tried making a set which had all 78 svt pairings and while looking through videos for the different scenes I realised once again that all pairings really are just. Amazing in their own ways (I never ended up making the post but u know how Miley Cyrus said it's the climb? Yeah)

akdjakaka I know what you mean. Like obviously seventeen are doing amazing and I just feel like the standard for MVs and concepts doesn't match up?? I am one of those carats that expected a baseball themed stage 😔

aah they really have been putting out so much content hey. I have yet to finish ITS and HTR lmao but my fave gose ep for this year was probably the best friends ep!! (Highly recommend) you can just tell they're having so much fun and man the things they come up with....seventeen are truly top tier. I actually made a querencia set ages ago (probably my first member focused set that wasn't of dk lmao) and I wanted to make a new one because of that specific moment (plus woozi best producer moment) but as always I don't follow through with my ideas ajsjaka. I too would love to see that set tho <3

Ohh :( thanks so much!! I know caratblr is not as active as other spaces but the amount of LOVE and support everyone here has for each other makes up for it n that's why I love making DK content 💖💖💖💖

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

[neewtmas]

{#31} i’m her boyfriend // newt au (part ii)

fandom: the maze runner

pairing: newt x reader

word count: 1,7k words 

warning: idk if this counts as a warning, but spoiler for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phönix (but if you still don’t know what happens you either lived under a rock for the last twenty years or you’ re just not interested lol so i guess this warning is unnessecary) 

request: by @coconcovers

summary: y/n and newt go back to join the others and their friends want to know all the details of their ‘relationship’, so newt tells a story of how he fell in love with y/n

part i / part iii / part iv

masterlist

You turned around and tried to open the door, but Newt laid his hand on your shoulder. “One last thing.”

You looked at him. “What?”

He quickly gave you another rather passionate kiss. “Now we can go.

He opened the door and let you step through, following close behind and grabbing your hand in the process, intertwining your fingers with his.

Your friends were engrossed in an animated discussion, but everyone stopped talking the moment you two entered the room and turned their heads simultaneously in your direction.

You shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, but Newt squeezed your hand in a soothing manner and led you to the couch.

“Y/N, a number between 1 and 5?”

You tilted your head and eyed Thomas confused: “What?”

Thomas shook his head impatiently, “Just give me a number between 1 and 5”

“Well, ok…..4?”

He smiled and stuck his tongue out to Minho. “I told you she would choose the right one!”

“Ok…what did I just choose?”

Thomas shrugged and pulled out one of the movies from the pile on the coffee table, “Just which movie we’re gonna watch now. And you chose the movie I wanted to watch”, he spoke and held up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

“My choice would have been better, I tell you”, grumbled Minho, and nodded towards the kitchen. “You two didn’t sit down yet, so you’re gonna bring us some snacks.”

You pulled Newt with you quickly, not wanting to risk any comments from your friends. It would go to be awkward enough after watching the movie. You didn’t even want to think about all the questions.

“But don’t get lost or something!”, Minho yelled after you, “and don’t forget: snacks are in the kitchen, not in the bedroom!”, he added, snickering, causing you roll your eyes at his behavior.

“Minho is unbelievable”, you huffed, tearing the cupboard open you knew Teresa stored the snacks in. You reached out for two bags of chips and some chocolate cookies, turned around and stuffed it in Newt’s arms, who watched your little outburst with confusion.

“You ok?”, he asked, mild concern lacing his voice, “we can leave every time if you want.”

You shook your head. “It’s ok, Minho’s just annoying.”

“As usual.”

“As usual”, I agreed, stood on tip toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Bring the snacks in already, i’m gonna get some drinks.”

He gave you his signature sweet smile that let your heart flutter and left the kitchen.

You searched in the drawer for some coke, before you followed your … boyfriend? friend? What were you right now? Yes, he had said he wanted to kiss you for a long time, but this didn’t imply that he wanted you to be his girlfriend as well. What if this was just a cruel joke?

But you shook your head to get this thought out of your mind. Newt would never do this to you.

You walked through the dining room into the living room, where the movie had already started, and your friends sat lined up on the couch, stuffing their faces with the snacks Newt had just brought.

Careful not to drop anything and cause a total mess, you put down the drinks and then scanned the room for a place to sit.

The couch was packed, no possibility for you sitting down without being totally uncomfortable.

You quickly decided to just settle yourself down on the floor, but before you could even think further about it, you could feel Newts warm hands on your waist, pulling you gently yet firmly down onto his lap.

He planted a soft kiss on your cheek and mumbled in your ear:“ Don’t think i’m gonna let my girl on the Floor, love” You felt the heat rising to your cheeks and the butterflies in your belly going haywire at the words ‘my girl’ and you lowered your head in an attempt to hide your blush behind your hair.

You can almost feel Newts satisfied smirk as he pulls you even closer to his chest and starts playing with your hair, gently untangling the strands and causing you to hum contently.

Everyone followed the movie intently, not noticing Newt planting little kisses on the back of your neck, drawing little imaginary pattern on your arms and thighs and just generally being really affectionate, to the point where you couldn’t follow the movie properly anymore and just closed your eyes, concentrating on his touch and the the little sparks of electricity his gentle fingers left on your body.

Time flew by and you had almost reached the end of the movie and the scene you hated the most by the time you opened your eyes again.

The battle in the Department of Mysteries had started, green and red curses got send through the air, and you tensed up, anticipating the death of your most favorite characters of the whole series.

You had watched the movie and especially this scene countless times, but every time it got you like it was the first.

Newt noticed this, grabbing your hands and drew little circles on your palm with his thumbs, an attempt to calm you down.

When Sirius stood on the rock, fighting Lucius, only to get hit by Bellatrix’ Avada Kedavra only seconds later and you saw the look of utter horror on Harry’s face, you winced and squeezed your eyes closed, hiding your face in Newts chest.

He held you close, littering the top of your head with little kisses and not once stopping the soothing figures he drew with his hands until you regained your composure and could continue watching the movie.

After the end credits rolled off the screen, a content silence laid over the room as always after you watched a good movie, before everyone got up slowly, starting to clean up the mess they’ve made during the last two hours.

But since you hadn’t even one handful of chips, you not really felt compelled to get up and help. Also because sitting on Newts lap, his hands securely around your waist and your head on his chest, able to hear and feel his steady heartbeat was just too comfortable, you ever wanted to get up again.

Newt seemed to share your opinion, since he made no attempts on getting up, just lazily watching the rest of your friends cleaning up.

Soon the living room was clean again, and Thomas dropped down on the couch next to the two of you.

His gaze fell on your intertwined hands. “You two are sickeningly cute, you know that? Since when are you together?”

“And even more important: Why didn’t you tell us until today?”, Brenda added curiously from your other side.

“Eh..well..”

Shit. Just now you realized that you hadn’t a single idea of what you should tell them as a backstory to your “relationship”. Maybe you should have considered this beforehand, but now… too late.

You nervously turned to Newt and asked in a high-pitched voice, which you were sure displayed your nervousness way too openly: “Why don’t you tell them?”

Newt smiled and squeezed my hand reassuring. You just hoped he came up with something decent.

“Well, we are together since - I think it’s 5 weeks now, right love?”, he asked you and you just nodded, not wanting to ruin his made up the story through anything you might say.

“Why we didn’t tell you? I guess the right moment just never was there? But now you know it so it doesn’t matter anymore, right?”

Teresa ignored his last sentence and asked the next question: “And how did you come together?”

“Well, we were walking home from school together and then… I don’t know, there was this moment and… I just kissed her - I wanted to do this for a long time actually - and later we went on a few dates and now we’re a couple.”

Teresa nodded like some kind of interviewer and immediately shot Newt the next question: “And when you say 'for a long time’, what do you mean?”

Newt glanced quickly at me before he answered: “I always felt kinda… different towards her, but when I realized I loved her… that was in 8th grade I think.”

He love dme? Since… 8th grade? This can’t be true. He probably just made this up, this isn’t possible.

“Mhm.. ok.” Teresa eyed us suspiciously, she probably didn’t quite believe us.

“But speaking of time - didn’t you say you had to be home by 7, love?”, Newt asked, glancing at the clock on the opposite wall.

You nodded, even if your parents never mentioned something like this, but it was obvious to you that Newt wanted to leave as soon as possible, avoiding further questions about you non-existent relationship.

“Yeah, I guess i’m leaving now. See you tomorrow, guys”, you said, getting up from you comfortable place on Newts lap and stretching your arms above your head.

“I’m gonna walk you home, love”, Newt said and stood up too, following you out of the room after everyone said their goodbyes.

He held the door open for you and you started walking through the darkness, the cold air hitting your heated cheeks.

A comfortable silence laid over you, as you could feel Newt’s hand feeling for yours and slowly intertwining your fingers. Only now you realized how perfectly your hands fit together.

“Is it true?”, you finally broke the silence, your voice sounding through the clear air, after debating with yourself whether to ask him or not. It would break your heart if he would now tell you if was just something he made up for the satisfaction of your friends.

“What?”

“That you… loved me since 8th grade”, you answered, your stomach forming into a tight knot in anticipation of his answer.

“Yes, that’s true. Why should I lie?”

You shrugged. “But why did you never tell me? You know how bad I sometimes felt for not having a boyfriend? And how often I told myself that you would never love me back?”

He turned his head in your direction, surprised. “You feel the same?”

You shrugged again, kicking some little stones off the sidewalk, then smiled up at him. “Since 7th grade, yes. But I think I made this pretty clear, didn’t I? I mean I kissed you. And I usually don’t kiss people I don’t have feelings for.”

“Well, this is…good to know”, he rubbed his neck somewhat awkwardly,“ but you should never feel bad about not having a boyfriend, that doesn’t define you as a person. But I don’t want you to feel bad anymore, so - would you like me to be your boyfriend?”

You had stopped walking, now facing each other. “If you would like me to be your girlfriend?”

Instead of an answer, he just leaned down and pulled you into a passionate kiss, one hand behind your neck, the other on your waist, pulling you close to his warm body.

thanks for reading:)                                  want to request something?

[dmitrialiev]

Can you describe how you feel about Yuzuru, Shoma, and Patrick? Sorry if it seems too personal. Don't feel pressured to answer..

Ok so i didnt proofread this so itd be more honest, idk if this is the answer you want but this ia definitely the answer you need. Idk what exactly brought this ask up but yeah i like them in diff degrees for diff reasons. Also feelings are kinda hard to describe and im not super articulate so have this mess under the cut

Yuzu - Well, if we’re gonna rank all the fanyus i definitely wont be up there lol. I like his approach and mindset on things and deeply respect and enjoy the immense talent and hardwork he brings to the table. But i connect to other skaters way better, like for someone who i recognize as the best, i should like him a lot more than i do now but it just?? I know im missing out on some of his magic, but tbh i never felt the need to go looking for it either

Shoma - i liked him since i saw him at 2015 teb. I enjoy his skating a LOT though i am well aware of his issues. But with the way he and his team approaches things… well i admit it’s kinda hard to maintain these days?? I loved Turandot 1.0 and Legends. But the quads came in and now im not into his programs. I didnt like LIL, i liked Loco but got bitter over it as the season went by. Thank god i still find his skating enjoyable even with these feelings but it’s like a ticking time bomb since, 2017 4cc i think?? I feel like one day i will get tired of it tbh and i really hope it wont happen bc ive been quite invested. And i might have no one by then. I should watch more juniors ugh. He has good qualities and his programs need to show it off. I get the strategy bc quads but still

Patrick - i preferred his style from day one, which is weird bc he has realtively zero drama and i looove drama. Idek i just connect to him the most. When i watch others, i feel the interpretation, which is good ofc. But when i watch patrick i feel a mood instead. For instance my fave program from him is chopin medley and honestly, wtf does it exactly mean?? It’s more like an experience than a story imo. Even when he bombs. Looking back, i have yet to experience that with another skater. And honestly im in complete peace with him retiring, but can he not sound done in every interview like he just cant wait for it to be over. Bc thinking that it’s possibly what he really feels like hurts me a lot okay

[scenarios-on-ice]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

This ‘poem’ sucks but

Happy Birthday to you

(Note: there was originally like eight more cynical lines about how birthdays mean you’re that much closer to the end, but I scrapped it because when I try to use dark humor it usually just ends up kinda gruesome.

There’s probably something wrong with me and someday we’ll find out what that is, but today is not that day)

Congratulations! @(^-^)@  You were only sixteen but your mind was older- now you’re seventeen, but I’m sure the latter part of that quote still applies and the blog will blow us all away even more than before! Hope you have a wonderful, satisfying birthday despite how non-stop you are (don’t forget to take a break when you can) and one last time, congratulations!

(also depending on how the timezone difference between Croatia and Korea works, we’re only a day or two apart- my birthday is March 30th, which is tomorrow over here! :D so cool)

“Whatever you say ma'am, Furuta will pay for his behavior! I’ll use tumblr, I’ll write under a pseudonym(Evans)- you’ll see what I can do to him!

But at least since he’s dead, you can finally speak your mind?”

I know, I still like the idea of trans Mutsuki better but other than any hints dropped in canon, I just think it’s very unlikely that TG as a Japanese manga will add a 100%, conmpletely confirmed LGBTQ character. I believe Ishida himself is pretty open towards the LGBTQ community (Nico’s portrayal is a bit questionable but in an omake Yomo is shown thinking that anyone he dates could become Touka’s aunt OR uncle (though of course that could be a translation error), Shuu is a subversion of manga stereotypes regarding gay men and TG in general has a lot of interesting themes regarding sexuality and gender), but idk, the idea of a mainstream seinen manga like TG adding LGBTQ themes that go beyond heavy implication seems unlikely (though who knows, it could happen).

Mutsuki just makes me bitter. FIrst all the arguments about their gender and now I don’t even like them anymore (they used to be an adorable cinnamon roll but after recent chapters, while I still feel for them they’ve become a lot less sympathetic).

(Also this just makes me sound salty but I recently came across a very aggressive blog dedicated to reminding everybody that MUTSKI IS MALE AND YOU ARE ALL WRONG and reading through it just made me kinda mad and irritated all at once. Once a trans person made a post saying that despite being trans themself they didn’t think Mutsuki was, offering several manga moments as decent evidence and being quite polite, and the mod of this blog answered them with what basically boils down to 'lol no it’s possible to be transphobic even if you’re part of the LGBTQ community and you are clearly one of these people’.)

Don’t worry, cinnamon roll Hinami isn’t being forgotten! :) I’m really looking forward to her meeting Akira. I’ve always liked Hina but these recent chapters pushed her up on my ‘favorite characters’ list- she’s just way too sweet.

Reading the manga: wth Ishida you are officially my least favorite person like even Isayama is better than you

Reading Ishida’s translated tweets/the comments he makes in TG extras: why are you so nice

Yeah, I kinda hated Urie at first (I understood his goals and motivations but did he really have to be such a jerk? I honestly thought he was going to get somebody killed in the auction arc) but after the auction arc I started to like him better (I think the official moment I decided ‘I like Urie Kuki as a character’ was when Shirazu died) and I kinda freaked out when I realized what happened to him…

He would make a great Burr though. I think he’s way more willing to act than Burr and is not a ‘talk less, smile more’ kind of person (more like a ‘talk less and don’t smile at all’ type) but they’re still really similar. I could also see Urie singing Wait for It…with Kaneki as Hamilton. Not because Kaneki particularly fits Hamilton but because of how Burr is clearly somewhat jealous about Hamilton’s progress despite not approving of his methods in Wait For It (in an interview about the song I think LMM said something about it describing the feeling of watching your friends and acquaintances getting so far ahead in life and thinking 'Wait for it; someday I’ll get there too’).

Am I the only one who headcanons that despite acting super classy and not knowing much about rap/hip-hop before someone (maybe Hori?) gets him to listen to it, Tsukiyama actually turns out to be a really good rapper?

Speaking of Tsukiyama though, I want to see more of his interactions with Naki

Hmm, since Mado died after he was already an adult couldn’t Akira technically count? We know from omakes that Mado was a doting father and made her childhood as happy as possible, so while her life might not have been 100% perfect it was still really good in TG terms. Takizawa before he entered the academy also counts.

but even those two had so much tragedy happen to them as adults…

(also, have you started reading the manga again? :D)

ok, that sounds creepy. Not going to be watching that.

Thank you so much for the recommendations though! Not sure if I’ll get the time to watch those but I think I saw some Magi volumes in a bookstore here so maybe I’ll check that out when I have the time!

And yeah, if you have any good animes/mangas to recommend, please do! And genre doesn’t matter- though I usually prefer dark, psychological stories I’m willing to make exceptions when the series in question is really good (that’s what I did with YoI after all :) the only genres I’m really reluctant to read are horror and high school romances).

I’m glad you liked them! And nope, don’t mind at all  :D fangirling

I am back! Again, happy birthday ^^ I hope the day went well for you :) How old are you now, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m guessing it’s either 14 or 15.

And thank you very much for the poem, it’s very cute! I wouldn’t have minded the extra verses. They might’ve ruined the mood a bit, tho ^^;; The theme sounds like something baroque poems would write about... Don’t mind me, I just had an exam dealing with baroque, so I’m probably prone to making bad references to it. 

I will never manage to reach your level of puns... I’ll just say that I’m very satisfied with the amount of them.

“Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean he won’t come back. He died so another villain can take his place.

No matter how much I support trans Mu, I’d be very, very surprised if it actually become canon. I mean, as you’ve said, Japan and lgbt don’t quite go together that well... I guess we’ll just have to see... And nope, I still haven’t started to read the manga again. No time ^^;;

I’ve started to dislike Mu after the chapter in which his past was revealed. I just don’t have the will to stomach stories like that, honestly... Good horror/psychology manga/anime might interest me once in a while, but there’s a border I don’t like crossing. TG is waaay over it (which is probably a part of the reason why I dropped it, after all)

Gaah, it’s people like that that make dislike the lgbts... Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people in that community and I won’t discriminate (though stuff like fictionkin and made-up pronouns do make me roll my eyes), but it’s these people that give people the wrong image about the whole community. Unfortunately, I’ve had quite a few encounters with those... aggressive people. I could go on and on about the things I saw as a part of this site, mostly concerning those ridiculous people who are probably in it because they think it’s ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’ to be bi or genderfluid.  I get waaay too worked up over this theme, don’t I?

Oh, I’m so happy about her not being forgotten! She is a precious cinnamon roll and doesn’t deserve the life she has, she deserves so much better.

Boy, that sounds fun. Well, Ive had experience with the ‘reading manga’ part, but I don’t particularly follow tweets ^^;; I hope things work out in the manga!

Idk, I mean, I disliked him at first, but I got to like him very quickly. I just seem to like silent types like him (I say that, and yet I also like Phichit, Viktor, Haise and so on, who are nothing like him.... WHOOPS).

Signs that I’m slowly forgetting TG: *reading the message* ‘who... are these characters?’ I mean, I know the most important ones, like Haise, Urie, Akira and so on, but the other ones... This makes me very sad ;-;

Yeah, I guess that would make Kaneki a good Hamilton. STILL DON’T WANT BURR (COOKIE) TO KILL HIM, BECAUSE KANEKI IS A CINNAMON ROLL WHO DOESN’T DESERVE TO DIE! The dynamics between Kaneki and Urie don’t make a good Ham-Burr, but their positions in their job, so I guess they really are the best pair for Hamilton.  Why did Ham have to die ;-; That makes casting so much harder for me.

Oh yeah, Tsukiyama would be an amazing rappers, I don’t doubt it at all. In fact, I’m sure that he’d be able to do Guns and Ships perfectly. 

Fun fact: You made a typo saying ‘Mado died after SHE became an adult’ (I changed it) and you gave me the biggest heart attack. Pls, my phone wasn’t used to the speed with which I typed ‘TOKYO GHOUL WIKI AKIRA MADO’ to check if what you said is true.  Yeah, Akira could count, I guess. That makes a total of ONE character... Not much, eh?

I don’t know if I count Takizawa... I think that the way his life is now, it very much makes up the lack of angst in his childhood.

Oh yeah, one last concern about The World Is Still Beautiful!

WHY IS THERE A CHARACTER NAMED LUNA WHO ACTS LIKE AN INSUFFERABLE BRAT DURING HER WHOLE SCREEN TIME, I DEMAND JUSTICE!

I’m done. 

One last recommendation:

LOVE LIVE AKA CUTE IDOLS. I invite you to join me in the pits of idol hell :) It(s not a romance, don’t worry. Also, there’s a mobile rhythm tapping game if you’re interested :))

Ooh, I’d be so happy if you’d start reading Magi! During the later volumes, it gets reeally psychological, so I think you might like it! I’d say something, but spoilers!

Well, I’ll go add the text to the post, then ^^

[kyandice]

CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3 

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it

[gaberoothekangaroo]

this is kinda going to be long.

my dad gets so fucking worked up about things and it fucking drives me bonkers because hes just being an ass about it. like we were watching transformers on tv and it had some extra interviews and it talked about the differences of opinion between shia and michael bay on how to do a scene. so my dad is spouting off about how ‘directors are lazy and complacent and they need to learn from others successes’ and on and on and on. and im like ???? there are like only a handful of series that go from one movie to the next??? and so we got into it. like i explained to him that this is a recent thing in the past ten years to have movies that all link up to one another that tell a whole story, rather than having a story that has a beginning middle and end and then adding on a sequel. cause lets be real most sequels suck cause theyre trying to recaputre the glory of the first movie and they dont live up to it.

so hes just fuckin goin off about how this that and the other. and i point out to him that the marvels movies started out as flops. like iron man was pretty good, then two just was in the toilet. well it was the first of its kind. they closed the doors on the first movie. it was a little hard to try to reopen things they had already closed. so they learned and the third movie was pretty good. then we have all the other movies in the franchise that build off each other. yeah they make mistakes, but these guys have all learned and built off each other. 

NOPE. hes like hauling off about laziness and they need to look at other peoples successes and failures on working in series. and im like ?????? asshole, do you not realize there are not that many series out there???? and so we just keep fighting over it and it gets to the point where im like ‘dude, its a fucking novel that theyre taking from a script and turning it into a visualization. you have a problem with their lack of continuity or their characterization, thats where your problems lie, not with the producer’

so then hes just like freaking out hardcore and hes like ‘movies and books are different’ and im like how? how could they possibly be different? world building, characters, a plot, a beginning middle and end. like how are they different aside from the fact one is visual and one is text based? and he just cant see that theyre literally the same thing. and so he keeps freaking out.

and im like ‘if i were to write a book on xyz, i wouldnt go look at the other successful authors that wrote something similar. thats fucking stupid.’ and hes like ‘thats not what i was saying’. um yes it is. if youre talking about looking at something and trying to base it off its predecessors successes and failures, then...wouldnt you have to...idk find something that was actually similar before you can make comparisons???

idfk. he had an issue with the fact that michael bay is a jackass and wanted ‘to do things his way’ and wasnt going to let shia do something he wanted to do. yeah okay creative differences, still made a fairly okay movie. not the actors fault that theres four of these stupid movies. but he was raging hardcore over the fact that the director was ‘lazy and complacent’. so what is his laziness? is there some sort of standard hes following? what is his complacency? like i? dont? understand???

the complacency youre talking about is he wanted a fucking paycheck. the first one was successful and he probably won awards and there was acclaim. so whats stopping him from trying to make a second? a third? he has the characters. he somewhat has the world. its not his own idea, no, because hes taking from an already fairly successful source. but hes moulding the characters to his needs and purposes. same thing with his screenwriter.

i have more anger directed towards the screenwriter than the producer because if the script/characters suck, its on them. they wrote the fuckin thing. if you dont know how to worldbuild or write a cohesive character outside of a single individual film, thats on you and your creativity, not the producer. but nope, he couldnt see it that way. and he kept yelling about how i was putting words in his mouth and this that or the other. like jesus fucking christ man.

im so fucking over how he cant see another point of view. he does this shit with everything. like i need to move fucking far away again. i cannot do this shit. it drives me near up the wall.

he gets so mad that im ‘so literal’ ‘all the goddamned time’. okay well...im not yelling every five seconds that the english language is being destroyed and cant accept change. ‘i was taught all the rules and exceptions’. bullshit. if you were, youd speak worse than a goddamned textbook. you wouldnt sound human. you wouldnt fit in to your social environment. you would be stiff. yet whenever you hear a new word, jesus lord almighty the world is coming down around your ears. its bad when others say it, but you dont mind when we do it. righto.

he makes me so mad. he just doesnt want to look outside his viewpoint. as understanding as he is, he doesnt want to learn. he says he likes learning, but he doesnt actually. if it goes away from what he was taught or something hes stood by for forever and a half, he doesnt want it to change. its like tough luck asshole, thats how things happen. if you dont want change, move to a cave. i dont like change either, but im not yelling from the rooftops about it. nor am i blinded by my viewpoints.

the dumb thing about all this is, is that i dont have anyone i can talk to this about. none of my friends really wanted to stay in contact after we grew up. i havent made too many strong relationships after childhood. the ones i have made, i dont want to feel like im bothering them. i dont want to feel like im incessantly talking nonstop and only about myself and my problems. so i bottle it and then it explodes and then after im done writing it out or talking it out, im still angry. my anxiety is still high. but im over it. im done talking about it. i could get riled up again, but it just tires me out.

like i feel like i used to have a good relationship with my dad, but then i moved away. i learned some new things. i saw some different view points. i aligned myself with others that were abroad. i try to look at things differently. and now that ive come back, its like hes exactly where i left him. he didnt change, but i did. he doesnt want to learn or grow. he thinks hes done, that this is the most him he can be.

it makes me really angry because i want to share things with him. i want to talk to him about the things that excite me, that i think might excite him cause we share a lot of common interests. but then all i get is push back and anger and confrontation and it just makes me tired. it makes me angry too, but i just want to be done and over with it. i want to be away from it. from him.

when i left, i didnt know mothers werent supposed to be that way. now that ive learned thats not how any individual should be, i can see how dads shouldnt be that way either. im not saying hes abusive like my mother, but hes nearly there. belittling and jeering and outright testosterone fueled meanness when things dont go his way or i dont perform to his standards. theres even a disparity between how understanding he used to be and how understanding he is now. the older i get and the further i get away from who i used to be, the less understanding he seems to be. it makes me sad. it makes me angry. it makes me want to leave and not come back. it makes me want to go and to go and to go. at the same time, i live in a constant state of existential crisis. life is short and nothing has meaning. all that stuff. so theres fear, true panic inducing fear that dominates my line of thinking for a few days before i get it under control and so i dont want to lose my relationship with my dad. he is probably one of the closest people in my life. but he also keeps getting more distant as time progresses.

nights like tonight just make me want to cry. i go from anger to sadness/panic to exhaustion. like ive ranted, ive changed the subject a couple times now, but i dont feel better. theres still a low simmer of anger in my chest thats constricting in the way anxiety is constricting.

i dont want many more of these situations. i guess its time to move. i dont want to do it permanently, but it looks kinda like it might have to be. and if it is permanent, that means i leave behind my grandmother who means the world to me. it means i leave behind one of my best friends, a friend i believed would die and i wouldnt be informed of his passing a few years ago. i already left some close friends behind in my last state of residency. i read a lot because i choose to escape from things. i have a hard time facing things. like facing the fact that my dad is probably not going to change as a individual and will continue to be confrontational and a hypocrite. i really wanna cry but my depression doesnt allow it.