#i miss my ex i have no irl friends that i hang out with anymore because of that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeongi · 4 years

Text

cabin fever | jjk (m)

↣ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | jungkook x reader

↣ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 8k

↣ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 | fluff. smut. mild angst. exf2l au (?)

↣ 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | explicit language and sexual content. oral sex (f + m receiving), fingering, unprotected floor sex (dongs better be wrapped irl), light dirty talk, very soft, fluffy smut. jungkook is sad, soft babie.

↣ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | trapped in a cabin with your ex-best friend jungkook, you’re forced to overcome the fallout between you two.

↣ 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | cabin fever

“We're lost!” Seokjin shouts dramatically from behind the wheel. “Hopelessly and forever lost!” The van’s radio crackles and pops as the soft ooze of music sits underneath your friends’ bantering.

“You're such a baby,” says Namjoon as he smacks Seokjin with the map he's holding. “Relax. I know my maps.”

“You've only been here all of one time—” Seokjin spits back, his fingers clenching the wheel harder. You chuckle under your breath at their bickering, your body immediately tensing as you feel Jungkook adjust himself next to you. A part of you wonders if he’s still alive; you have no idea how he’s managed to sleep through the endless bickering- yet, there he sat, still snoring away. If you remembered correctly, Jungkook was almost impossible to wake up.

You ask yourself why you still felt somewhat nervous in Jungkook’s presence, and for the upteenth time, your memory reminds you of that giant nothingness that now separated you two.

Hoseok giggles behind you and your mood dampens further. His excessive, unwarranted giddiness irritates you on any given day, but today it seems extra warranted. How could you not feel irritated when your ex boyfriend is sat behind you, practically playing grab-ass with his new girlfriend?

You ask yourself again why you ever agreed to come on this trip, let alone agree to be stuffed in a van with an ex-boyfriend and an ex-best friend. And once again, you come up empty. You're sure there must be a reason.

“Hey, focus on the road!” Jyo-en shrills from the seat directly behind Namjoon. “Some of us want to arrive alive and unharmed.” Jungkook once again shifts in his seat, his shoulder pressing against your own and his mouth wide open. You can faintly hear the purrs of soft snoring escaping him.

Alas, your motives come to light. Frankly, you knew you were doing this as a favour to Jyo-en more than anything else. Her undying, one-sided pining after Seokjin had her on her knees begging you to go on this trip with her. There wasn't much that could ever reduce Jyo-en to such a state, but her affection for Seokjin's masculine wiles had been too much for her to bear. The fucker was just too damn charming and you couldn’t blame her either. From the broad expanse of his muscular shoulders, to the plump of his pink, full lips, you figure the chaos that naturally comes from his presence is usually heavily subdued by the sheer epitome of beauty that is Kim Seokjin.

Nonetheless, you had agreed to come on this trip, much against your initial refusal.

“Pipe down back there,” Namjoon shoots. “It could be worse.”

“Yeah,” says Hoseok, “Namjoon could be driving.”

Involuntarily, you snort. It isn't so much the humour that prompts such a response, but the bitterness you can't help but feel. However, that response is lost amidst the sea of laughter that now fills the van, save yours, Namjoon’s and a sleeping Jungkook’s.

Namjoon turns in his seat and glares at Hoseok. “Just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I can't drive.”

Seokjin chortles. “You literally almost drove us straight off a cliff the one time I let you drive.”

“You’re being dramatic. It wasn't even that tall a cliff…”

Beside you, Jungkook smacks his lips in his sleep, and sinks his shoulder further into yours. You absentmindedly wonder what he’s dreaming about.

Do you even care? Probably not. But the mental exercise in speculation offers some respite from the storm of emotion slowly and undeniably building within you. You glance back at Hoseok and Nancy, their disgusting buffet of PDA having no regard for anyone but themselves. You know for a fact you and Hoseok would have never done this. Turning away, your eyes once again fall on Jungkook.

You hope it's a dream better than this.

2:04pm [You]: ugh.

2:05pm [Yoongi]: Lol. What’s wrong?

2:07pm [You]: remind me again why i couldn't come tomorrow with you guys?

2:10pm [Yoongi]: Dude we've been over this, you couldn't swap spots with Jimin because he works tonight. It's the entire reason we're leaving tomorrow

2:10pm [Yoongi]: Is it that bad?

2:14pm [You]: between hoseok munching on his new gf and jungkook literally speaking to everyone but me,,, i’d say this is the car ride from hell

2:15pm [Yoongi]: Yikes

2:15pm [Yoongi]: Sounds about right, but I don't know what I can do from here...

2:25pm [You]: it’s whatever, tell jimin and tae i miss them dearly

2:26pm [Yoongi]: I’ll probably forget

2:27pm [You]: you’re the fucking worst.

You sigh heavily and lock your phone, haphazardly flinging it back into your lap. The van door opens with a whoosh and your eyes immediately squint against the intense albedo that now renders you temporarily blind.

“Did you just fucking hiss?” Seokjin asks, no trace of humour in his voice. You shoot him a silencing glare and he plays along to it, his hand shooting up to his chest as he fakes a few stumbles back. The effort to make you smile is that of triumph, the edges of your lips quirking up to a faint smile. Nonplussed, Seokjin continues. “Well, this is it!” He says with far too much enthusiasm for have driven nearly six hours. He reaches down towards the duffle bag by your feet and you swallow the bubble of discomfort that fills you when Nancy squeals behind you.

“This cabin is huge!” Her voice reminds you of Polystyrene rubbing together. It pierces your skull, scorches the skin on the back of your neck and you internally scream. Hoseok chuckles beside her and you can’t help but want to gouge out your eyeballs with a screwdriver.

When Seokjin swings the navy blue bag over his shoulder, his eyes briefly glance towards the still sleeping figure next to you, his face static in the grips of slumber.

“Hey!” Without warning, a red glove speeds past your face and smacks Jungkook in the nose with a surprisingly satisfying thwack. Immediately, Jungkook jolts awake, shooting you an accusing glare so icy, the snow around you may as well be a sunny beach. Before either of you can react, the glove’s partner in crime follows and smacks him in the face again. “Well, good morning, sleepy beauty,” jeers Seokjin. “Now that you're alive, how about you start helping us move our stuff?”

Blinking in the new light before his eyes, Jungkook sighs explosively, half yawn, half exclamation.

“It’s sleeping beauty, you imbecile.” You think you hear him grumble under his breath. A part of you wishes he’d acknowledge you again like old times. Another- and you convince yourself, a greater- part of you simply cannot be bothered to care anymore.

“I think that’s the last of it!” Namjoon yells from the trunk of the van. You hear him close it with a loud thud, one arm holding a cooler, the other locking the trunk. Seokjin stands by the porch of the cabin, nodding approvingly at the progress. He checks his watch.

“I’m hungry,” he says, “Should we go into town?”

You groan in protest. “Dude, we just got here. You want to hop back in a stuffy van and drive, again?”

“Yes,” he answers without a beat.

“Yup!” echoes Namjoon. You have no idea how he heard this.

“Ah, food would be so good,” Jyo-en says as she comes up from behind you, a hand patting her stomach and a frown adorning her face. You can't help but roll your eyes; she’s not hungry at all.

“Food it is,” Seokjin confirms. Despite the peckish feeling that jabbers at your stomach, you're not certain your appetite can handle another car ride with them so soon.

“You guys go ahead without me, I had a big breakfast this morning,” you lie.

“Suit yourself,” he says with a simple shrug of indifference. Turning away to head inside, you hear Seokjin yell for the others. You’re not sure where Hoseok and Nancy scurried off to, though the list of possibilities is disgustingly short. As if on cue, they near stumble out of the room they had chosen for the night, their lips swollen and clothing frayed. You think you’re going to be sick, and a subsequent twist of your innards does everything but confirm the sentiment.

You need to get out of here. You desperately need to get out of here.

As quietly as you can, you pull your boots on and stuff a spare water bottle in your jacket. The door before you opens, and with a breath, you crunch your way into the snow covered trees. You should have worn something warmer, you scold yourself as you cross your arms over your chest and blow out a huff of air.

The air is still- too still, you think. Even the melody of chickadees sound too far away. Your breath comes out in stiff clouds, hanging seconds in the air before fading away. You shove your nose deeper into your scarf as you aimlessly wander, allowing your thoughts to get as lost as you’re about to be.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d almost be convinced it was four years ago. The way the wind nips your face reminds you of waiting for the train at the worst possible hours of the morning, despite the fact you only had the one class that day.

The rest of the day was for the squad.

This could mean anything from half-attempted study sessions (in reality, a thinly veiled excuse to gossip about your classmates and munch on overpriced cafeteria food) to skipping down to the neighbourhood village just down the street from your university for the far better food that was just as expensive. It could mean sneaking off between classes to a quiet staircase and into Hoesoek’s arms for as many fleeting moments the two of you could steal in a day. It could mean a walk down to the university bar for curly fries and maybe one too many drinks. Sometimes it was the train ride home, hand in hand and falling asleep on each other’s shoulders.

The wind was just as cold as it has always been, but you haven’t been. Somewhere along the line, something had changed. A whole lot of somethings. At some point or another, it all just started to come crashing down until now you stand, here, in a snowy field standing ankle deep in fading memories.

You’d ask yourself how it managed to go to hell so much, so fast. But you don’t feel like opening that vault again— you’ve had it closed for good reason.

The piercing caw of a crow snaps you back to reality. Your eyes open, and the freezing train stations and too-warm classrooms fade away with the snowfall. You feel the first snowflake hit your cheek and when you look up, another hits your nose. Whichever way you go, whether it’s memory lane or the slow, cold walk back to the cabin, it’s going to be a bitch either way. It doesn’t take long for your boots to become soaked, and it takes even shorter for your toes to begin freezing. Your only regret is you find yourself wishing you’d have noticed it earlier; you were too preoccupied with watching the sun’s last stretch across the mountaintops.

Your laugh is what Jungkook remembers the most as you two walked towards the train station on those cold winter mornings. The light fragrance of your perfume that overpowered the icy winds had always made you feel like home to him. And your laugh, the thing he missed the most. When was the last time he’d seen you smile? When was the last time he’d even talked to you? It seems a lifetime ago now.

Jungkook’s fingers hesitantly hold the black pen against his sketchpad as he allows the natural skill of his hand overtake the paper. The desk he’s sat on faces towards the blanket of white snow against a crisp blue sky. He sighs, the view of the mountain sheathed in nothing but white bringing him back to old memories of you.

He can almost taste the pork bulgogi he’d always order at lunch with you. One look is all you had to give in order to silently invite him to eat after class. It was that cocked eyebrow, the slight tilt of the head and he was already transferring money into his bank account. And your scent- soft and subtle against the cold winter air. Even if his lungs were crystalized by the cool winter air, your perfumed scarf still lingered to his nose. You’d always felt somewhat like a distant lover than an old friend. What happened? He happened.

Just as Jungkook blasts his Spotify playlist through his earphones, you walk through the front door. Unbeknownst to you or him, the cause of your melancholy sits on the floor above you in his room. Your hands are freezing, a soft curse escaping your mouth as your teeth clatter and you stomp your way inside. You’re covered head to toe in snow, a sudden icy flurry hitting you on your way back. Perhaps a spontaneous walk down memory lane was one of your dumber ideas but if anything, it was nice to get away from this bullshit for even a little while. And by the looks of it, you’ll be able to escape a little while longer as you stand in the foyer of an empty cabin. You’re alone with your thoughts once again. How did you get here? You ask yourself a million times over.

Shrugging off the weight of your coat, you unravel your scarf and land with a loud sigh against the brown suede couch. It’s a cozy cabin, you’ll have to give Namjoon that much credit but his need to treat everyone as equal despite obvious differences landed you in this more than miserable situation. Your fingers hesitantly uncurl, the heat already uncoiling the ice in your veins. You reach for your phone, the only notification being a “Merry Christmas” email from your dentist. You almost laugh at yourself.

4:04pm [You]: yoongs, entertain me

No reply, instead a big fat, red “not delivered!” pops underneath the message. You frown, annoyed at the world and mostly Jyo-en for dragging you along this getaway from hell. On top of this, the three people you’ve been wanting to see and talk to the most in the world won’t be arriving for another excruciating twenty-four hours. Old Man Winter chuckles to himself as he prolongs your misery.

Jungkook is mindlessly working upstairs, watching the flurry of snow coat the mountains and area around the cabin further. If it weren’t for the gentle ooze of Keshi in his ears, he’d be concerned by the rapid snowfall. His hand works diligently, his sketch near finished as he watches the sun set outside. Somewhere between the last of his shading and perfecting does the lamp in his room suddenly give out.

Silence.

You freeze as the world surrounding you goes absolutely still. The sound of heat coming through the vents stops, the lights flicker off and you’re approaching darkness as the sun settles outside. Fuck, you think to yourself. This could not be happening.

Reaching for your phone, your fingers clamour as you hastily give Namjoon a call.

Straight to voicemail.

You try Seokjin; it doesn’t even ring.

Panic settles over you, your flight or fight kicking in as you think of what to possibly do. You scour the main floor for a landline, anything that could be of use in this situation. Surely there was a maintenance number somewhere? It’s when you’re in the kitchen that you hear the footsteps above you. You freeze again.

Now you’re almost positive it’s an intruder ready to murder you. Like in those horrible, terrible horror movies. Although you’ve played a lot of Outlast, you doubt you could handle whatever the fuck has spawned upstairs. As the footsteps shuffle some more, you grab a knife from the counter and decide if you should wait to be murdered or move towards the sound like every idiot in those movies. But just as you’re deciding, the steps move rapidly down the stairs until you’ve panicked and dropped your knife, shrieking out of pure terror with your eyes shut.

Jungkook stares at you in complete bewilderment.

“_____?” He cocks his head to the side, his eyebrows strewn together in genuine concern. His eyes fall to the knife on the floor, further confusion littering his mind. “Are you okay?”

The voice sounds familiar, too familiar and it pangs you to know exactly who it is.

Your heart plummets to your stomach when you tentatively open one eye and see Jungkook’s big doe eyes staring right back at you.

“Jungkook? What the hell are you doing here?” You put your hand to your chest and sigh a heavy breath of relief. “I fucking...thought…” You look back up at him, the furrow in his eyebrows suddenly flooring you with emotion. You haven’t really looked at him in ages, it feels.

“You didn’t go with the others?” His lips form an innocent pout as he asks. You haven’t realized how much you missed his boyish charm. It’s then that you find yourself observing him head to toe for the first time in a long time. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and (unintentionally, you convince yourself), the plaid red pajama bottoms you got him for Christmas three years ago. Is that how long it’s been since you’ve last spoken? He looks different, more confident, more tone in his body. Although his hair remains the same shade of brunette, it’s slightly longer and rests in natural curls. His jawline is even sharper, you note. From the small mole just under his lip to the faint cleft in his chin, you find yourself completely absorbed in how good looking Jungkook has gotten.

“N-no,” you’re suddenly stuttering as you catch yourself out of flagrant staring. “I thought you did—”

“Nope.” The tension brews around you two, both of you stood across from one another as sudden realization dawns on you.

“The power’s out,” you say and Jungkook nods in agreement. You really didn’t think this day could get any worse yet here you were. “I-I tried calling Namjoon but it wouldn’t go through.” Jungkook taps his pointer finger to his lower lip in consideration.

“Phone lines must be out too,” he said half to himself. “Must be a hell of a blizzard out there.” You shudder involuntarily as you remember the way the wind tore through you on the return journey to the cabin, and with the memory comes the bittersweet nostalgia…

You mentally stomp the memories out. Not the time, not the place. Not anymore.

“Well, I don’t want to starve,” you say as you start to feel your stomach glare at you hungrily. Maybe you should have gone with them after all. An image of Hoseok and Nancy sucking face flashes before you. You shudder again. It might still be hell here, but at least it isn’t a hell so deep as watching them. Besides, this is the most Jungkook has spoken to you in years.

“Fortunately, they left us with the food,” Jungkook says to you. “If memory serves correct there should at least be a box or three of smokies floating around somewhere.” He pulls on a sweater and rubs his hands together in an attempt to warm them up.

“What about the fire?” You ask.

“What about it?”

“Well, I don’t know. Can you start one?” You know for a fact you might be able to, but this isn’t the time for you to test your skills.

“Probably. It isn’t exactly rocket science,” he replies with a smart grin. There’s a small door just under the staircase that Jungkook opens with little to no hesitation. You had always admired how unafraid of the world Jungkook had always been. Perhaps those values washed away when he too walked out of your life.

You snap yourself out of it and roll your eyes. “Jungkook, you’re the least handyman person I know.”

“At least I’m remembered for something,” he replies as he dips below the stairs to search for wood.

You damn near have to stop yourself from smiling.

You’re not certain if it’s just the natural dynamic you shared with him, or if it’s completely circumstantial, but one thing was for certain; like it or not, you found the pair of you swiftly falling back in step with one another in more ways than you’d care to admit… and more ways than you’d care to remember.

It’s almost as if he hadn’t just chosen to vanish from your life for nearly three years. It’s almost as if it were like old times. What had happened to you guys? Why did he stop calling you?

For the umpteenth time, you snap yourself away from this. It’s too late. There’s no use in thinking of the past. You sigh and return to the kitchen, scouring, searching every cabinet and square surface for candles and matches.

A heartbeat or three passes, and a clonking of feet on wood alerts you to Jungkook’s return.

“I've got good news and bad news,” He huffs as he steps back onto the main floor from the cellar.

“Oh, god,” you start. You feel a slight panic coming on again.

“Good news?” He hefts a frayed and worn burlap bag. “I found firewood.”

“And the bad news?” You ask tentatively.

He feigns sadness before he brings out two giant bottles of cabernet sauvignon from behind his back. “There's all this wine, and nobody around to drink it,” he finishes. “Except us, naturally.”

For however brief a moment it was, you knew for certain that the flash in his eyes, the quick smile he now wore, you hadn't seen for years. It seems as though, if only for a split second, the old Jungkook had returned. Somehow sensing your revelation, the moment passes as swiftly as it came, and then a stone faced Jungkook returns.

“I-if you want to, anyway.” The coolness returns without indication, a coolness you are now determined to thaw out.

“I’m insulted you even think you have to ask,” you return playfully. A hint of colour returns to his cheeks, and a fraction of a grin returns. Silently, he sets about starting the fire while you work on opening the wine.

It takes you a second to realize that the wine is in fact corked, and you had not a corkscrew between the two of you. You glance at Jungkook, his back still turned to you, rubbing two sticks together or something. You really don’t know, and he doesn’t share; in fact, he seems quite absorbed in his work.

You glance back at the wine bottle. Taking the lapse in effort, you ask yourself if this was really worth doing- if this was even a good idea.

“Aha!” You hear a whoosh followed by a golden radiance that now permeates the space. “And that,” Jungkook turns towards you, grin wide and proud, “is how you start a fire.”

You’re not only warm, but impressed- leave it to Jungkook to be perfect in literally every department. You suppose he hasn’t lost that talent yet.

Though the feeling of pride quickly fades as you see the can of body spray in one of his hands and a lighter in the other. You raise a questioning eyebrow at him, silently calling him out on his middle school arson methods.

“It was ah, taking too long,” he adds sheepishly, rolling the can of body spray towards the corner and playfully tossing the lighter at you.

“Seokjin is going to kill you.”

“What for? Theft of his lighter, or his outrageous body spray? If anything, I’m doing him a favour…how are you making out with the wine?”

“We… don’t have a corkscrew,” you reply somewhat dejectedly. That half-serious face comes about his visage once more as you see him wracking his brain, trying to solve the problem.

His grin returns. “Don’t worry,” Jungkook says after a minute. “I have an idea.”

“What a waste of a fucking match, oh my God!” You’re sure to sound extra exasperated as you watch Jungkook wrap the loose piece of twine around the neck of wine bottle.

“Do you want to drink or not? Let me work my magic…” Jungkook wears determination on his face, a tongue poking out, eyebrows scrunched together as he ties it once, twice until you’re sure even a wine bottle could choke. You watch as he carefully takes a match and strikes it with the expertise of a pyrotechnic turned for the better. With little hesitation, he lights the twine on fire, a burning noose around the neck of the wine bottle. It doesn’t take ten seconds for the glass to crack open. He’s two for two; at this point, you find yourself enjoying his company more and more.

You’re honestly mesmerized. “How…?” You ask. He lets out a soft chuckle, barely audible.

“It’s magic,” you hear him say as he shrugs. “I don’t have to explain shit.” Another eye roll later, you’re returning to the kitchen and opening the cabinet above the sink in search of wine glasses. To no avail, you find stainless steel coffee mugs instead.

“Is this even safe to drink out of? I won’t choke on microscopic shards of glass?” You ask Jungkook after your third and fourth glasses. It’s a little too late to be asking such a question but you’re sure at this point, your words are a little slurred and nothing quite makes sense. Inwardly, you realize it’s a moot point anyway, and with that realization comes that for the first time in longer than you can remember, you’re just trying to strike up a conversation with him.

It’s hard not to when Jungkook has planted a pile of pillows and blankets in front of the fire, the pair of you sat and drinking potentially lethal wine. Before you lies half-finished board games you two attempted to play yet failed due to sheer anger at the game itself or each other. You’re sure if you were sober, this would be a lot more difficult.

“Magic, _____.” Jungkook slurs, his cheeks flushed and that half grin he does so well. Despite a certain flutter in your chest, you scoff into your mug of wine, small bubbles splashing back onto your upper lip.

“Magic?” You nearly spit. “This isn’t Harry Potter, Jungkook. How exactly do you personally quantify magic?”

A quiet moment passes as he swirls the final dregs of wine in his cup thoughtfully.

“I’d define it as the things you do to me, actually,” he replies before downing the rest of his cup.

Are you hearing things right? Did that actually come out of his mouth? Is this happening? You glance at your own cup. What the fuck is this wine, anyway? You’re drunk. Both of you are.

Jungkook stands and reaches for the bottle, filling up his cup before topping up your own. You still sit in a stunned silence, observing as he tosses another log into the fire, a shower of sparks floating up the chimney.

“Wh… Where did that come from?” You manage. He waves his hand dismissively, breaking eye contact a moment.

“Next question?” He asks as he sips.

Feeling bolder now, you pursue. He isn’t getting away that easily.

“Okay. I’ll put it another way.” You pause to sip, the confidence now flowing nominally through your system. “What exactly happened to us?” There, you’ve asked it.

A silence now spreads the two of you apart, despite the lack of inherent distance between you two presently. Now it seems to be Jungkook’s turn to be stunned into silence.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing this entire time,” he replies. The stone is slowly creeping up to his face.

“You can do better than that,” you egg him on.

“What, now you believe in me?” He shoots back. The venom in his words would take you off guard if it weren’t for how earnest his was before you. He drinks again, gulping this time. He must be on his sixth glass now. You can see the same sentiment in his eyes that you hold in your heart; a universal now-or-never. This is the chance to lay the cards on the table. You know it’s going to hurt, but you know it’s necessary. He rises slowly to his feet, swaying ever so slightly from the wine.

“How about you tell me what happened to us, _____?” Jungkook almost shouts. “We used to be close. We told each other everything. I used to stay up late just to make sure you got home from class or work, I made sure you ate your meals, that your homework was completed. I cared. We both did. Maybe a bit too much...” With this, he sighs explosively and flops down onto the dusty couch behind you, his chin resting on his hand. “We used to be something. I don't know what, but it was there. And now?” He waves an arm absentmindedly towards the window. “Nothing but cold.” The irony, you think. But it's an irony that's been a long time coming, and a certain sick irony that could only come from him.

But the question sticks with you, more than you'd care to admit. Something had slapped you deep inside, and even still it reverberated within you.

No, you're not going to stand here and take this.

“You tell me what happened, Jungkook.” You uncross your legs and rise to your feet, striding towards him. “You stopped texting, calling. You stopped wanting to hang out, and suddenly there was this wall between us. You never even told me what I did.”

For a moment, he looks hurt, as though a thousand predisposed assumptions has just come hurtling down. He regains his composure, though barely, and through shaken words, he continues.

“No, _____.” His face softens. “It isn't what you did. It isn't anything you did, not really.” He's nervous now; his knee bounces, his jaw clenches. You're fairly certain he's beginning to sweat.

What isn't he telling you?

“Tell me,” you whisper. No venom now, merely curiosity, and perhaps a hint of something more. Your hand finds its way onto his own, and your fingers slowly curl around his palm. Contrary to your assumptions, his hand remains there. Even more surprising, his hand reverses and his fingers interlace with your own. A heartbeat passes, and his eyes meet yours.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, _____. I don’t think either of us did anything wrong. Passing ships in the night? Too little, too late? Just bad timing, is that all? Hell if I know.” He takes a deep swig of the wine. “We vibed. Hard. Everything about us was natural and made sense.” You have to agree with this, even now, not talking after so long- you two felt real, felt right.

“No, Jungkook, that’s bullshit and we both know it!” You insist. “You stopped putting in the effort, you stopped wanting to be in my life, you….” It hurts you, a sinking feeling in your chest as you choke out your words. “You wouldn’t even look in my direction the past however long ago it was that you decided to walk away from my life without a single warning.” Perhaps it’s because you’re drunk that tears spring. It’s a deep-seated memory that you’ve brought back, a confrontation that you had always convinced yourself would never happen. “And I don’t even get an explanation why?” This whole situation had to have happened for a reason, you drunkenly tell yourself. If fate really was real, this moment would be its poster child.

Jungkook is staring at you with a look you can’t quite read. You can’t quite decide if he’s about to cry with you or angrily escape this situation. Instead, he places his cup on the wooden coffee table and stands up. His walk towards you in confident, as if he’s ready to expel whatever it is that riddled him in shades of torture for as long as it did. He takes your hands, a slight shake in the way he grasps them.

“I couldn’t stand seeing you with him,” he blurts.

A moment passes, your eyes unleaving as you try and process the weight of his words in your scrambled, drunken mess of a mind. You with who? Hoseok?

“Him?” You find yourself repeating. “Why would you…”

Jungkook sighs and lets your hands go, his fingers moving up to rake his brunette locks away from his face. He’s definitely sweating, you note.

“Wasn’t it obvious, _____?

“B-but what about after we broke up, you could’ve—”

“Could’ve what?” He laughs humorously. “Could have gone back to the way it was before?” He cranes his neck to the side, the palm of his hand rubbing against the skin. “It doesn’t work like that, _____. I’m selfish for you but not that selfish. Staying away was better anyway... neither of us would get hurt.”

But you were hurt, hurt more than the break up itself because at the end of the day, all you wanted was your best friend and even he had left. “You’re such an idiot.” You can’t help but say. “Stupid, stupid idiot. How could you do that?” You want to punch him, slap him as hard as you can for him to feel any amount of equivalence in physical pain that he gave you in emotional pain. All those nights you had laid wondering what you did wrong had all been for nothing?

Your frown deepens, more questions than ever before emerging. “You liked me?” Had you ever even thought of him as more than a friend? You’re not sure you should even be asking these questions with vigour liquor coursing through your veins yet, you remind yourself that the liquid courage has brought you two here thus far.

Jungkook laughs once more, no strain of humour in the vibrato. “That’s an understatement.” He then mumbles and you’re left racking your brain. For a brief second, it makes perfect sense before you completely lose your train of thought. “Besides,” he continues. “There’s no point in thinking what could have happened, I just—” There’s a pause as his chocolates in his doe eyes search yours for something. “Will you just let me kiss you right now?”

This takes you wholeheartedly off guard, your eyes widen as you speak with hesitance. “Y-you want to kiss me?”

“I’ve always wanted to, _____.” How does this phrase create such a powerful flutter in your chest? You wonder if it’s the alcohol or maybe, just maybe, a deep-rooted longing you;d never known you had in you.

Without answering his question, you kiss him first.

As your fingers reach for his face, Jungkook grapples your waist. You feel tiny in the palm of his hands, he thinks as he feels your lips against his for the first time. Jungkook feels as if he’s dreaming- perhaps the alcohol has something to do with that.

Red wine is what you taste the most, mixed with a subtle sweetness of mint. You drown in him, melt against him as he carefully engulfs you into his arms. The fireplace warming the space around is nothing in comparison to the sudden inferno in your chest. It’s then that you realize, this is what you’ve wanted all along.

Your hand slides down Jungkook’s face to his chest. He feels broad underneath your fingertips, a certain firmness to the touch that you hadn’t expected. He only brings you closer, arms wrapping around your torso as his lips press against you harder. His tongue is soft with your own, a gentle roll with your own as a certain heat builds up in your core.

Suddenly, it’s messier. Jungkook’s tongue swipes your bottom lip before planting a soft bite. It releases a whimper from you, earning a quiet groan from him. You’ve never thought this day would come. Are you dreaming?

When you pull away, Jungkook’s full attention is on you only. He runs a thumb over your wine-stained pout, his eyes large and completely enveloped in the sight of you. “I never thought I would get to kiss these lips.” He says.

You moan and lean in for another.

No matter how much your lips fuse together, how much you press yourself against his stronger hold, you cannot get enough nor do you want this to end. It feels right, comfortable to be in his embrace like this, his mouth against yours and chests connected. It’s not long before you’re both succumbing to the fall on your knees against the self-made bed Jungkook made of old blankets and pillows. It’s cozy, neither of you wasting time to run upstairs to a proper bed. You think this is the most romantic setting you could have ever hoped for.

It’s when you’re suddenly on top of Jungkook that you feel a growth settle underneath your core. You feel the sheer girth of it as your kissing intensifies, two large hands coming to rest upon your thighs as they persuade your hips to skim over it. You gasp at the feeling, sure that you’re already soaked beyond measure. It’s not hard for you to already feel him like this, the thin veil of his pajama bottoms being the only barrier away from you having it in you. The thought arouses you far too much, leading to a harsher grind that has you both moan out. You haven’t been touched in a long while.

Jungkook’s hands travel up your sides until he’s cupped both of your cheeks in each palm. Your lips are guided once again to his own as he places a hard kiss against you. With each fleeting moment, your want for him intensifies. You can’t help but think this was meant to be, that you’ve wanted this somewhere deep within you. Perhaps the old you was looking out for the future you.

It’s with both hesitance and confidence that Jungkook inches your sweater up. His hands feel warm against your bare torso, a shiver running through you when they lazily travels up and down your sides. As you pull away, Jungkook gives you that lopsided grin you hadn’t realized you’ve missed dearly until this moment. It almost feels as if nothing has changed, as if there hadn’t been a giant nothingness between you two for so long.

“You look so beautiful.” Jungkook whispers, his right hand reaching to push a strand of hair away from your face. He helps you guide your shirt off before a thumb strokes your cheek, and then your lips. You softly bite it and receive a contempt groan in response.

“Yours too,” you gently urge as you play with the hem of his white shirt. Jungkook grins and lifts his torso before pulling the fabric over his head. He does not hesitate to kiss you again.

With each kiss, the intensity grows until you’re sure you’ve caused a puddle in your pants as you shamelessly grind your cunt against a very erect bulge in Jungkook’s pants. He feels so firm, more built than you could have ever imagined as he pulls you tighter against him. You’re slowly losing your mind before you decide to take the initiative.

“Jungkook,” you mumble against his mouth.

“Hm?”

“Let me taste you.” Jungkook nearly unravels just from those words alone.

“Yeah?” You nod, a coy smile spreading across your face as surely a heavy blush riddles your cheeks in a crimson red. Jungkook merely chuckles, planting a feverish kiss against your mouth. “You’re so adorable.”

You trail kisses down his torso, the definition of muscles in his abdomen driving you absolutely mad. You’re still unable to fully comprehend what exactly was happening yet you’re equally unable to stop yourself. Jungkook helps you get rid of his pants, your mouth instantly watering when his erection lands against his torso with a soft thwack. It glistens against the golden aura surrounding you. He cocks his head to the side. “Think you can take it?”

If that’s a challenge you hear in his tone, it’s a challenge you’re willing to take. You might even think Jungkook remembers how competitive you are. You move down his body with ease before placing a tentative lick against the head of his cock. Jungkook’s hands immediately surrender to your hair, moving it out of your face until he’s made a makeshift ponytail out of his own hands.

“Fuuuck,” he drags out shakily when you take the whole of his head in your mouth. You suck just under his head, a certain ball of nerves that drives Jungkook absolutely mad. The hold he has on your hair acts as an invisible guide, in motion with his hips lifting does he simultaneously move your head down. “Just like that, baby.” You groan against his cock as you take more of him in your mouth. Jungkook is thick, girthy with a prominent vein that sits right where your tongue can trace it. He’s losing himself further and further into you as you begin a steady motion of sucking. Your hand holds the base of his cock as your mouth works wonders, earning you whimpers and curses from him. “So good, so good.” Jungkook gasps when you pick up the pace. It’s when he feels himself really about to lose control that he pulls you away from his cock, a satisfying pop following the disconnect.

“C’mere,” he murmurs before smashing his lips against yours. Though your lips are coated in saliva, his kisses have become sloppier, rougher as he cradles your torso with one arm before flipping you until you’re underneath him. “These have to go.” He pulls at your pants and you giggle with agreeance.

“That would be ideal.”

Jungkook undoes the buttons before tugging them down your legs. You’ve now got nothing on but your bra, a pale violet with a lacy trim on the top. Did you subconsciously know you were going to get fucked by none other than Jeon Jungkook today?

He pulls your legs apart, a satisfied hum escaping him as your glistening folds welcome him. “Fuck, _____.” He whispers as his thumb skims over your wetness. You suck in a sharp breath, the callous on his thumb sensitive against your cunt. You want him to touch you there.

It’s as if he can read your mind, the thumb now dragging over your clit. The sigh of relief you give only fuels Jungkook’s satisfaction more. He too would like to taste you.

You cry out, hands grappling for his torso as he begins circling the thumb over your sensitive nub. “So wet,” he groans.

“J-just for you.” This makes Jungkook move faster with his thumb. He wants to feel you. Jungkook slowly slides the defts of his index and middle finger into you, your cry filling the space. He takes his time, feeling your walls clench around his digits as his thumb simultaneously circles over your clit. He’s amazed by how each thrust of his fingers causes you to coat them farther in your arousal. And you’re amazed by how soon you’re about to come. It only makes his own erection angrier and your cunt clench tighter.

“You coming, baby?” Never would Jungkook have thought he’d get to call you baby. You nod with vigour, each pump of his finger along with the relentless rub of his fingers causing your legs to shake.

“S-so fucking close...oh my god.” You’re coming, you’re coming, you’re— “Jungkook!”

He dips his head in between your thighs, his mouth instantly suctioned to your clit as his fingers continue their torture. With his tongue replacing his thumb, you come undone almost instantly, the wave of pure white, hot filth overtaking your entire body. You shudder, legs trembling as your fingers thread through the lush of Jungkook’s brown locks. Jungkook continues licking against your clit, flicking and sucking until you can no longer take it.

“F-fuck me, Jungkook- please,” you beg as your cunt craves for more. You want absolutely all of him.

Jungkook’s cock is ready, heavy against his palm as he takes ahold of the base and spreads your legs apart. His mouth is wet with your arousal, his chest littered with beads of sweat. “Your pussy looks so fucking good.” He remarks, letting the pink tip of his dick rub against your wet folds. You both moan at the sensation.

With one more rub of his head, he lines himself against your entrance and slowly pushes his hips forward. You think you could come instantly again. Jungkook’s cock feels amazing, full as your tightness grips with so deliciously, even he has to hold himself back from not undoing quickly.

“Fuck.” You let out as you place a hand on his chest, letting the feel of his cock overtake your entire body. He stops when he’s reached the hilt, careful to rock his hips out before slamming them back into you. You can’t help but cry his name out. “You feel so good.” You’re whimpering, the hand on his chest and moving to the back of his neck as you push his head forward to kiss you. He follows suit, beginning a rhythmic pace of his hips as you lose yourself further and further into him.

Jungkook kisses you feverishly, hot and wet against your mouth as he continues to rick in and out of you. His breaths are laboured, filthy words and curses escaping him as you clench around him with each thrust.

“Yeah, baby?” You’re losing your mind, already close to a second undoing. You know you’re going to come again soon. Jungkook takes your legs and places your ankles on his shoulder, plummeting into you with a force so delicious, you’re about to go delirious. You’re so tight, Jungkook can feel himself edging closer to his own end. “Fuck, turn around for me.” You do as requested, turning to your stomach. Jungkook pulls your ass up towards him and lines himself up once again. Without hesitation this time, he pushes into you, a new type of fullness that overtakes your innards. He feels so fucking good.

It’s a steady rock, your ass hitting against his pelvis as he continues a continuous motion with his hips. He’s relentless in his movements, the new position allowing him to reach deeper, feeling you clench tighter.

“Holy fuck,” Jungkook is moaning out. He grabs a handful of your ass, using it as support while he rams into you with no plans of slowing down. The room is filled with the sound of your skin slapping and your deep breath and moans. Jungkook knows he’s so close.

He reaches forward, first and second digit immediately gravitating towards your clit. As he rubs, the familiar rubber band stretches in the pit of your guts. You’re going to come again, you feel it.

It’s when Jungkook whispers into your ear how much he wants to come inside you, that you give out. It washes over you, makes you tighten your grip on the blanket underneath you as you clench so hard around Jungkook that he too comes with you. You feel the spurts of him fill you to the brim until you’re nothing but a puddle underneath him. You lay still, letting his fluid mixed with yours dribble out of you as Jungkook pulls out. It burns to have him away from you. You want him to hold you all night.

“Was that okay?” Jungkook asks, leaning forward to kiss your shoulder. You nod in reassurance, twisting your head around so he can kiss your lips.

It’s then that your phone blares, taking you both by surprise. You rush to your feet, arms reaching for your phone when you see Namjoon’s name flash across your screen.

“Hello?” You answer with no thought.

“_____! Oh my god! Are you okay? There was a huge storm, we’re trapped in town until Monday- did I ask if you were okay? I think Yoongi—” The line fizzles out.

There’s a pause as you look at a curious Jungkook.

“It looks like we’ll be here a while.”

a/n: hey babies! so sorry for the long wait for this one! i really hope you liked it! it’s been in the works for a little while haha. this is my first fic back in a WHILE! and more to come soon! let me know what you think as per usual. i love you so much!!!!!!! and happy holidays to you, your friends and families ✨💞

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook x you #bts x reader #bts #bangtan smut #oneshot #fic #kpop

6K notes · View notes

cinanamon · 4 years

Text

lies against your lips ⁠— njm

pairing | jaemin x reader

genre | angst, suggestive, (slight) fluff, badboy!au, exes!au, high school!au

word count | 12.1K

synopsis | He was your ex. You broke it off a year before, and it didn’t end on a very good note. Now he seemed that he was ready to reintroduce himself into your life, but you weren’t going to let him in so easily again, not after what he put you through.

warnings | cursing, drinking, smoking, bad homelife, romanticization, mentions of cheating, possessiveness. do not accept this kind of behavior from anyone irl

The minute you turned off the car, all of the doors opened and the girls scrambled out with shouts of gratitude directed your way before the doors closed again. You rolled your eyes and waved them off as you picked up your bag and stepped out into the parking lot. The rising sun peeked at you over the roof of the school building, and you instantly winced as you dropped your head to avoid the bright glare. It was way too bright for the headache you were sporting right now, though it was nice of the sun to wish you a good morning.

You shut your car door with a thud and locked it before heading towards the front entrance. Teenagers mingled around you until you found yourself surrounded by groups on either side as you started down the hallway, and though your lips twitched downwards at the loud volume they conversed in, you made sure to smile at anyone who greeted you. Your surroundings seemed to blend much like your muddled thoughts as you finally made it to your first class, where you plopped down beside a boy named Jisung.

You were a year older than him, but you had sat beside him since the beginning of the year, so you had never thought of or seen him differently compared to the others at your table. Apparently, Jisung was part of a group of troublemakers, but no matter how much you scrutinized him, you couldn’t imagine it. The boy had bright blue hair at the beginning of the year for Christ’s sake, and he looked more like a blueberry than some e-boy.

And with how he talked to you and even gushed about Animal Crossing once with bright eyes, you concluded that he was just a nice kid who might potentially hang out with bad influences, if the rumor was true.

You leaned back with a sigh and settled your bag down beside your chair after pulling out your notebook. Eyeing the strawberry milk carton on his desk enviously, a snort jerks your gaze towards the boy. With his quirked brow and the smirk stretched across his lips, it’s obvious he caught your stare.

“Do you want one?”

You perked up instantly, your headache retreating slightly at the offer. “Do you have another?”

“Yeah,” Jisung began to rummage through his backpack, his hand resurfacing with another carton in its grasp, “Me and my friend went to the convenience store before school this morning, and I grabbed an extra.” He met your eye for a second as if to size you up teasingly. “You look like you need it more than me though.”

Your mouth twisted into a scowl but he must have known it was playful, for he laughed shortly and placed it on your desk. Your expression simmered into a smile and you punched his shoulder lightly. “Thank you, Jisung.”

He smiled at you kindly and inclined his head—yeah, this kid was definitely too sweet to be a “bad boy”.

Class started and even though the milk brightened your mood, it didn’t necessarily do much to keep you awake. The headache began to creep back behind your eyelids as you fought off the sleep from them, and when class finally ended, the bell seemed to increase the intensity of the ache in your skull. You began to pack up your things and with a grimace disguised as a smile, you waved off Jisung before heading to your next class.

When that class ended and you found yourself with barely a page of notes due to your terrible headache still, you finally sent a subtle text to one of your friends you drove that morning that you needed an Ibuprofen stat, and to meet you in the stairwell off the English hall.

As you left the classroom and started down the hall, you instinctively placed a hand against your temple to nurse the ache throbbing beneath it. With gritted teeth, you tried to ignore it as you stepped into the staircase alcove.

You swung yourself up onto the first couple steps without much of a thought, and you glanced down at your phone to check how much time you had left before the bell. Apparently someone else wasn’t looking where they were going either because you bumped into someone coming down and nearly dropped your phone. You caught it in a hurry and looked up to apologize before your voice died in your throat.

It wasn’t so much someone not looking where they were going, but rather someone wanting you to bump into them.

And that person, my dear friend, was none other than Na fucking Jaemin.

His eyes were widened in surprise, but the growing smirk on his face told you it wasn’t quite genuine. His hair was messy and his collar was askew, and the bags under his eyes gave away that he was a little worse for wear. Damn him, though, because he still managed to look hot.

“(Y/n), it’s been a while; how are you?”

And to think you thought your headache couldn’t get any worse.

“Fine.” You attempted a smile as you tried to dodge to the side, but he cut you off with a side step.

“Not so fast,” he hummed, and you were wary of the pretty curvature of his lips as he looked at you, like he was a wolf and you were his prey. “I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Yeah, we moved back; my dad got re-transferred.” You bounced on the balls of your feet with a strained smile. “Well, I have to get to class! See you.”

You went to hop onto the step around him but his hand reached out and clasped around your wrist. You stumbled at the sudden stop in your movements and after re-steadying yourself, you turned back to look at him with a disbelieving scoff. He must have recognized that look, the one you’d give before scolding him a year ago, but he only smirked at you.

He shot you his signature grin as he let his grip slip further into the palm of your hand, a poor attempt at mimicking holding your hand. “We should catch up sometime soon, now that you’re back.”

For a moment, you were charmed by his smile like you were when you first started dating. He was still attractive, still captivating, and you found yourself beginning to agree to his proposal. He must have noticed the softening of your features for his smile spread wider, but the new angle showed off a splotchy purple hickey on his neck; he must have kept busy since you’ve been gone.

All of his bad qualities came rushing back to you at the sight—the parties, the alcohol, the flirting—and suddenly his facade of charm fell away to reveal the devil beneath it, and your stomach lurched at the memory.

Your expression hardened and you snatched your hand back from him. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” He blinked in surprise at your sudden firmness, and his expression almost made you want to smirk. “I don’t really want to see you anymore than I have to.” And with that, you turned on your heel and continued up the stairs the rest of the way.

You found your friend there with a raised brow and ibuprofen curled in his palm, and the sight of it alone brought the pounding in your head back to the forefront of your thoughts. “You are a lifesaver.”

“I know,” Hendery chuckled, but as you reached for the pill, he jokingly lifted it above your head.

You leveled him with a warning look. “Don’t you dare make me climb you to get to that.” He laughed but succumbed and lowered his hand for you to grab the medicine.

While you searched your bag for your water bottle, he placed his hands in his pockets and studied you, “Was that Jaemin you were talking to?”

“Yeah, it was. Just my luck, right?”

He clicked his tongue, “So now he knows you’re back.”

You looked at him pointedly before downing the pill. “I told him I didn’t want to deal with him again, though.”

His eyebrows shot up and his smile widened, “That’s what I’m talking about!”

You only shook your head as you fell into step with him, but you couldn’t stop a bright smile from crawling across your face. He was the only one who could always do that, and you guess you were pretty happy you were able to stick it to your ex.

“By the way,” Hendery perked up as if remembering something, “There’s a party this weekend, if you’re down? I know you’re not a fan, so it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

That was true; you preferred mellow movie nights to big house parties, but you weren’t a stranger to a bottle of beer. You pursed your lips; you missed your junior year here so this was your last year to indulge and change things up.

“Why not?” With a tilt of your head, you grinned at him. Hendery seemed pleasantly surprised as he bumped your shoulder.

“Who are you and what have you done with (Y/n)?”

You laughed. “She’s here, just new and improved.” He gave you a few more details, even as you came to your classroom doors and your teachers looked at you disapprovingly for pushing it to the bell. You waved him off and ducked into your own classroom with a puffed out chest and a spring in your step.

— — —

The weekend rolled by quicker than you expected with all of your projects and essays piling up by the minute, and you almost regretted agreeing to go to the house party. And though you feigned exasperation on the phone to Hendery, a nervous kind of excitement bubbled in your stomach at the thought of going.

At your other school, you didn’t really get out much. You had a large presence in your home town, and so the idea of having to make new friends all over again sounded like a hassle, so you just focused on your grades. You were there for an education, after all. But now that you were back, you were eager to re-liven your old popularity and mingle with more people. You wanted to have fun, and if that meant sucking it up and heading to a potentially-unsafe-party, then so be it.

Hendery was adamant on driving you so you guys had an excuse to leave, and the seats soon filled up with your other friends, Xiaojun and Yeji, who made it easy for a smile to split your face and confidence begin to rise. Time slipped by quickly when you were with them, and so by the time you arrived, the party was in full swing.

You all climbed out of the car and their conversation was drowned out by your heartbeat as you approached the house. The first thing your friends wanted to do was dance, as so you entertained them by swinging your hips and bobbing your head for a bit. It wasn’t long before you grew tired though, and an itch settled in your throat.

You tapped Xiaojun’s shoulder. “I’m going to go get a drink; do you want anything?” You had to semi-shout for the blonde to hear you over the music, but he only shook his head.

“No, I’m good! I think we’ll come and get drinks in a little bit too.”

You nodded at him and ducked to the side. Your eyes ran over the room in search of the kitchen, and you awkwardly stepped down a few hallways before you found the right door. You had barely stepped in and placed a hand on the refrigerator’s door before you heard a voice behind you.

“I thought you didn’t like to party anymore.”

You jumped and your hand slipped off the handle as you looked over your shoulder. Jaemin’s eyes met yours and he smirked as if that would prompt you to answer. You rolled your eyes but you weren’t going to let him ruin your mood; you’d be civil until he gave you a reason not to be.

With a shrug, you turned around fully, a smile crossing your lips.

“Well, I’m trying to change things up—get back into the party scene.”

He quirked a brow at your response, “Well the night’s not complete without a drink, right? Let me get you one.” Before you could shake your head and tell him that you’d really just prefer water, he was already making his way to the cooler and pulling out two bottles. He came back to you and pressed one of the cold beers into your hand. You pursed your lips in distaste as you studied its contents, and Jaemin snorted as he popped the lid and took a swig of his own.

“Don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t drink either.”

“No,” You shot him a look before dropping your gaze to fiddle with the cap. “I just haven’t in a while.”

You stared into the golden liquid before bringing it to your lips and taking a sip. As you retracted the bottle, Jaemin was leaning against the counter watching you with a corner of his lips raised. You swiped your sleeve against your mouth and furrowed your brows warily. “What?”

“Nothing,” he adjusted his posture and shrugged nonchalantly, “I just have a bit more respect for you now.”

Your eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You were such a prude when we were together; I mean, you hated even seeing me with a bottle.”

“That’s because we were sophomores—” The beginning of your rant was cut off when you noticed your friends paused in the corridor, their jaws dropped open. You wanted to roll your eyes to the high heavens as Yeji shot you a cheeky thumbs up. Jaemin glanced behind you at them when he noticed your exasperation, and he cleared his throat.

Jaemin pushed off from the counter in a fluid motion, his hand easily snatching up the beer as he straightened. “Do you want to go to the backyard?” You hummed questioningly, snapping your gaze back to him. He inclined his head towards the back of the house, “They’re having a little campfire—do you want to go sit down?”

Your friends became a distant thought as you found yourself nodding and almost subconsciously, his hand slipped into yours as he led you out. Old habits die hard, you guess. He reached his hand into a bowl of suckers on the way out, curiously, before pulling out one and stuffing it in his pocket. You watched your conjoined hands blankly as he slid open the door and brought you down the stairs, where you finally settled on a stone wall separating the firepit from the garden.

You awkwardly set the beer bottle between your legs as you settled down beside Jaemin, who was unfurling the wrapper of the lollipop he snagged. The warmth of the fire curled around your legs even with the distance between you, and the heat climbed its way up your body. Jaemin was quiet as he watched the other partygoers, the lollipop bobbing side to side in his mouth. Looking at him now, you briefly wondered when the drinks in your hands had slowly changed from cherry iced colas to beer bottles, and the suckers in his hand became cigarettes.

He placed a hand on your thigh after a bit, and the heat from the fire took refuge under his palm as if his touch alone would burn through the skin; you jerked your leg away in shock, and you shot him a look out of the corner of your eye.

He had yet to face you, and so you let your eyes wander over his features and settle on the lollipop stem. A lopsided smile crawled upon your lips.

“I haven’t seen you with one of those in a while.”

The sucker stopped moving in his mouth as his eyes snapped to yours. “What, do you want me to pull out a cigarette instead?”

“No!” He smirked good-naturally at your reaction and popped the sucker out of his mouth as he let his gaze fall back on the firepit. You tilted your head towards him curiously and kicked your legs back and forth against the wall. “Why are you so intent on talking to me again? If you’re anything like you were before I left, any of these girls are fair game.”

Jaemin didn't reply right away; he pursed his lips and moved the sucker in a slow circle as he seemed to think, words beginning to form before he changed his mind. He placed the red lollipop back in his mouth. “They were never as good as you.”

You stared at him in surprise. What was that supposed to mean? As good of a kisser? As good of company? You darted your eyes over the way the light of the fire lit up his hair, reflected on the edges of his irises; why was he so damn unreadable?

At a loss of what to say, you opted to bark out a laugh and shake your head. “Such honeyed words to win their hearts. Sometimes it's hard to remember even dating you.”

His lips twitched downwards and you almost missed his next words. “Oh I would disagree; I remember kissing you quite distinctly.” Jaemin glanced at you out of the corner of his vision, his eyes dragging along your jaw and over your lips until finally meeting your shocked gaze.

When you still sat in silence, his lips formed a light scowl that was quickly replaced by a confident, teasing smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I have something for you.”

Words crumbled on your tongue and you fought to say something about what he was saying before, but nothing came to mind and so your response was swept to the new topic at hand. “What?”

Without another word, he removed the red lollipop from his mouth and slipped it through your own parted lips.

Instantly, your eyes widened and you choked, your hand flying up to grab at the stem. An angry flush crossed your face, and you stared at him incredulously as you waited for some kind of explanation, but his eyes only glimmered. “You asshole!”

He laughed brightly, as if pissing you off was the highlight of his day. He winked cheekily, “It’s cherry flavored. Good, right? Or maybe you like it because it tastes like me—?” You abruptly cut off his question by jumping off the top of the wall and throwing him the middle finger with a glare, your beer bottle long forgotten on his other side.

He was still laughing as you stormed back into the party and found your friends. Hendery was the first to notice you and he raised his brow, “What happened to sticking it to your ex?”

You glared at him but chose not to answer, “Are you guys ready to head out? It’s getting late.”

“Party pooper,” Yeji mumbled, and in normal circumstances, you wouldn't have repressed the urge to grin.

“Yeah we can head out,” Xiaojun replied, “Where’d you get the sucker, though? I didn’t see them anywhere.”

You didn’t realize you still had in it your mouth, toying at it with your tongue. Hastily, you pulled it out and coughed. “Ah, there was a bowl in the kitchen. Let’s just go.” You looked for the nearest trash can and disposed of it on your way out, and you didn’t look twice as it sunk to the bottom.

— — —

When you walked into school that next week, you weren’t in a good mood. You weren’t hungover at all because you only drank a little at the party, but the person you were with still plagued your mind, leaving you frustrated because he was the last person you wanted to be thinking about.

You made it to your science class and gratefully sunk into your seat. You placed down your things and shut your eyes, hoping to rest for a few moments before your teacher walked in.

“Jaemin, huh?”

Forget that idea.

Your eyes snapped open and you whirled around with a stinky eye to find Jisung’s smirking face, but he took on a jokingly defensive stance at your sour look. “Yikes, did I hit a nerve?”

You watched him unpack his things for a few seconds, and if you were in a better mood, you would have laughed at the return of the strawberry milk on his desk. Finally, you sighed, because you could never be mad at your boyish seatmate. “What do you mean?”

Jisung met your eye and raised a brow; he must have thought you were joking. When he realized you were serious, he plopped down in his seat curiously. “People are saying you’re dating again.”

“Where’d they get that idea?” You gaped. “We ended on a terrible note; I’d never do that again.”

Jisung quirked a brow at you. “Mhmm, sure. From what I’ve heard, you guys got cozy at a party this weekend.”

You rolled your eyes, “Not like that; can people not be friends with their exes anymore?” His blank look seemed to tell you no, no that wasn’t possible but you just sighed. “Why do you care anyways?”

“He’s one of my closest friends.”

Your jaw dropped. “You have a shitty taste in friends.”

“Well what does that say about you, then?” He smirked at you and bumped your pencils, “Jaemin’s not all that bad, you know. He’s just...hard to figure out. He makes things harder for himself.”

You wanted to snort and tell him that Jaemin was pretty bad from when you knew him, but Jisung wasn’t the type to lie to you, so you paused. Maybe Jaemin had changed since you’d been gone.

“How so?”

But before Jisung could elaborate on Jaemin’s behavior (what you’re trying so damn hard to figure out), your teacher finally came in. He gave you an apologetic look but you just sighed as you opened your notebook.

The next two classes went by without a hitch—boring and yet managed to distract you with algebraic expressions and essay topics. You knew life couldn’t be perfect though, and so you accepted what life threw at you when Jaemin came your way during lunch, a dashing grin on his lips. He sat down beside you at the table, and you cursed that the two girls you sat with normally were making up a test they missed in math when they went on a band trip.

“Hello, baby,” You almost gagged on your sandwich and pressed a hand to your chest when he leaned in to kiss your temple. You frowned, and it was a stark contrast from the object of your damnation, a boy beaming at you with perfect pearly whites.

“Knock it off,” you grumbled, glancing around the lunchroom to see a few wandering eyes. You leveled a pointed look at him, “Come to apologize for this weekend?”

Jaemin stared at you for a moment as if to register what you meant before he burst into a brilliant grin. “About the sucker? Not at all; it was a good flavor.”

You scoffed,“Bastard.”

“You were always the sweetest to me,” his eyes crinkled as he pretended to sigh dreamily, and you felt the sudden urge to pick up your lunch and leave.

“What do you want, Jaemin?”

He dropped the facade and titled his head your way. You stiffened slightly when the angle revealed a few new hickies along his collar, but you didn’t think it was your place to point them out. “People are saying we’re dating.”

“I heard,” you rolled your eyes and took another bite of your sandwich. “I don’t know why people are thinking that from us sitting together once.”

“It could’ve been the sucker,” Jaemin pointed out, but at your unamused look, his grin became cat-like—devious, and almost too friendly—as he leaned forward so his face was inches from yours. You did not like this at all. “Well you know me, I can’t keep secrets.”

Your hands froze around your meal as you slowly drew your eyes up to his. “You did not try and tell the school that we’re back together.” He shrugged smugly and you scoffed as you pushed away from the lunch table and began to pack up your lunch. “It’s not happening.”

“Why not?” He was already following your lead, only a few steps behind you as you began to walk out of the cafeteria.

You looked back at him over your shoulder in disbelief. “Do you not remember why we broke up? I can’t stand you sometimes, and you can’t stand me.”

“I think we’ve been rather friendly so far,” he teased, and you gasped when you felt his hand slip into your back pocket. You whirled around and slapped his arm harshly so he’d retract it, but it did little to wipe the smirk off his face. You scowled.

“Cheeky little shit.”

“Come on,” He whined until you finally paused in the empty hallway. “Don’t you want to give it another try?”

You wanted to tell him quite frankly that no, you didn’t want to even entertain the idea, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it because you weren’t sure if it was entirely true. You looked at him helplessly. “Why do you even want to?”

He blinked at you for a moment with parted lips, and your brows furrowed as you momentarily wondered if the question caught him off guard. He seemed to debate with himself before he quickly covered his second of pause by breaking into a charming leer. His expression simmered into one more serious as he brought his face close to yours, and his voice became softer, lower. “Because I miss the feeling of your lips on mine.”

The inhale you took was sharp.

Jaemin has never been “trustworthy” by any standard definition; he’d broken countless girls’ and guys’ hearts, shared secrets that were meant to be kept in close confidence, brushed off warnings, and consistently left others hurt in his wake. So what’s to say that he was pulling your leg now? That he wasn’t serious, or that he’d turn around and cheat with some girl after he has you in his clutches again? You hesitated and searched his gaze for anything to grasp onto, but they were oddly guarded for someone who was usually so reckless.

“Y-you’re funny,” You scoffed, but your voice was strained, and you knew he knew it too. Quickly, you stepped out from under him, and it was as if a pressure lifted off your chest and you could breathe again.

Jaemin had yet to move as you looked back at him. It seemed to prompt him to, and he straightened with a tight grin as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I am known for my humor,” he joked, but it fell flat between you two. You both just stared at each other, and you desperately tried to find something to fix the silence in the air, the uncomfortable feeling stirring in your gut as you watched his face, but he seemed to put back on the mask of a smile.

“Sorry to interrupt your lunch,” he tried again, his tone light. You waved him off; it wasn’t a big deal, and you didn’t think you could eat much more anyways. He nodded to himself and cleared his throat. “I’m supposed to be meeting with Jeno in a bit, but I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah. See you, Jaemin,” And you watched him walk off, but you felt a frown still tug at your lips at his lonesome figure.

— — —

You jolted awake at a loud sound. Your face contorted in confusion as you lifted your head, and you winced when you felt a kink in your neck. Bringing a hand up to massage the back of your head, you realized you had fallen asleep at your desk. You cursed yourself as you shuffled through the sheets but you pursed your lips at the math problems in front of you. The variables were beginning to become jumbled together where you hardly even knew what the equation wanted. With a heavy sigh, you dropped your head into your arms; maybe you could take a shower and come back to it, though internally you already knew that wouldn’t do much to make the problems make sense.

Just as you went to stand up, the loud noise from earlier resounded outside your house: a honk.

Your body straightened in alarm and you looked towards the front of your house in confusion. Hesitantly, you stood and made your way to the window to peek out of the curtains.

You squinted past the headlights to try and see who would be honking at you at damn near 11 o’clock, but your eyes widened when you saw the culprit. You slipped the blinds shut and hurried to your front door before flinging it open.

He parked the car but when he must have noticed you weren’t coming out right away, he stepped out. He was awkwardly shuffling his feet when you stepped onto the porch. “Jaemin?”

He perked up and turned to you with a bright smile. “(Y/n)!”

“What are you doing here?” You approached him in disbelief as you looked between him and his car. He smirked at you and tapped the side of his nose.

“I wanted to apologize for the other day by interrupting your lunch; I want to take you to a party.”

A laugh escaped your lips. “You’re joking, right? It’s a school night! I have so much homework and it’s so late already—”

“So you don’t want to go?”

You stared at him and weighed your options. You really needed to do that schoolwork, but you were so frazzled that you’d probably sit in front of the equation for the same amount of time you’d be partying. “I didn’t say that...but I don’t know if my parents would even let me.”

“If we leave now, they won’t even realize you’re heading out.”

“I’m sure they heard you honk,” You rolled your eyes, but your mind was already made up. If you got in trouble when you returned home, then you got in trouble, whatever; hopefully they’d take it easy on you since you didn’t break any rules while at the other school. “Just let me change real quick.”

You rushed back inside and changed into more party-appropriate clothing. You wrote a little note for your parents and left it on your sheet of homework before heading back to the front door in hope that you wouldn’t run into them to stop you.

When you came back out, he peered at you through the front window, as if to silently question when you were going to hop in. You hurried to the passenger side, but there was a noticeable pause as you hesitated on opening the door.

This is stupid, you thought. You shouldn’t get in the car with people you don’t know or trust anymore. But you found yourself grasping the handle anyways and smoothly sliding into his passenger seat.

His car smelled overwhelmingly like smoke. You instinctively wrinkled your nose at the intensity and glanced at the tree air freshener on his front mirror, but it must have been old because it did nothing to clear the air.

Jaemin cleared his throat and raised a brow at you as he shifted the car into gear. “You good?”

With a nod, you willed yourself to relax into the leather of the seat. “Yeah, I’m fine.” You let your gaze wander over his features onto the rest of his car, which for the most part was actually rather clean. Your eyes traced along the center console and the dashboard, but they stopped short at the area by your feet, where several beer bottles laid scattered.

You straightened in alarm and turned to him, your eyes wide and voice tense. “Do you drunk drive?” You remembered him being irresponsible and drinking, but drunk driving was serious and you were prepared to make him stop the car now and let you out.

“No, I’m not an idiot. I only drink when I’m the passenger.”

Your shoulders unstiffened slightly but you scoffed, your teeth gritted together. “Don’t your parents—?”

“I live alone.”

You blinked, your expression falling. “...oh.” The car fell silent and though Jaemin didn’t seem bothered, you suddenly felt uncomfortable. When did he move out? Before you moved, he was still staying with them, you knew that. Did they kick him out? Hesitantly, you looked up at him, but then you prompted your lips shut; you weren’t his girlfriend anymore, so it wasn’t your place to ask. You bit the inside of your cheek and turned away. Propping your elbow on the windowsill, you dug the bottom portion of your face into your palm in hopes to ride out the rest of the drive with less awkwardness.

“You look pretty,” he said to you after a moment.

“Oh shut up,” But your tone held no wrath. You dropped your hand from your face and looked to the road ahead of you. “Where are we going anyways?”

Jaemin was surprisingly a very responsible driver, and he only spared you a second moments of eye contact with a shrug. “Yangyang is hosting a party tonight—I like to be at every one.”

You didn’t reply but nodded slowly, and the rest of the drive was in comfortable silence.

When you two finally pulled into the driveway, the first thing you heard was the loud music that drifted down the street and only grew louder at your approach. Now, as you unbuckled your seat belt and stepped out, it was deafening, and you felt bad for his neighbors. Maybe they’d call the cops on him, and then you would have an excuse to leave the party faster. But if there was alcohol involved, you didn’t want to risk getting grabbed by the cops, and so you uncomfortably cleared your throat and hoped tonight went well.

Jaemin came around the side of his car and tilted his head at you questioningly, the lights of the front porch casting him in pretty shades of yellow that mimicked a halo. You resisted the urge to snort and quickened your pace to his side.

Gingerly, he slipped an arm around your waist and you tensed. He glanced at you, a silent question of your comfort level. It was just a hand on your waist; it didn’t have to mean anything, and you guys were walking a thin wire between friends and exes, so this kind of contact was familiar to you. You cautiously met his eyes but gave a curt nod, and his hovering hand settled on your waist firmly. The two of you walked inside, and the minute you stepped through the threshold, you felt winded.

There were way too many bodies for comfort, all pressed together as they danced sloppily to the latest rapper, stereotypical red cups in their hands that sloshed with each movement. It was a lot bigger and more imposing than the one you went to a few weeks ago.

You subconsciously pressed yourself closer to Jaemin, which prompted him to look down at you with a quirk of his lip. Instantly, you created some distance between you again, at least as far as you could with his hand still perched on your side.

The two of you hung out in the larger room for a little bit and drank from the solo cups, but after an hour or so, he pulled a lighter and cigarettes from his pocket. You stared at him wordlessly as he lit one and took a drag, blowing out the smoke into the crowd of teens around you. He must have noticed your grimace because he tilted his head your way, his fingers kneading at your waist. “What?”

You shook your head, “You’re going to smoke here? In this guy’s house?”

His brows furrowed, “Yeah? What, do you want me to go outside?”

“Yes; it’s common courtesy.”

He exhaled another puff of smoke but he looked over the heads of the crowd before tugging at your side, “Come on, then; I think I know a quieter area.”

You accepted and let him lead you out of the throng, but you didn’t expect him to bring you to the secluded backyard. It was quiet compared to inside, and no one mingled around the pool’s edge. There were fairy lights strung up across the overhang, and you couldn’t help but admire the way the lights danced upon the water.

“Are we allowed to be back here?” You asked absently, but you knew you didn’t want to leave the back patio now.

Jaemin slipped his hand from your side to your own palm, and he gently pulled you towards the pool with a shrug. “I don’t really know. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

He sat down on the rim on the shallow end, and he beckoned you to sit beside him. You placed your solo cup behind you before dipping your feet into the cool water, and a shiver traveled all of the way up your body.

With a glance his way, you inquired, “can you put the cigarette out now?”

He met your gaze briefly, “Yeah,” He didn’t put up much of a fight against you like you thought he would; he simply pressed the lit end to the stone and left it by your drink.

With a stretch, Jaemin sighed from beside you and leaned back, and you felt one of his hands settle behind you when he slid them back to support his weight. You quickly lost yourself in the odd tranquility of the moment; the party’s music and laughter were muffled from where you sat, and you only heard the water lapping at your calves and the comforting sound of your ex’s soft breathing. You allowed yourself to close your eyes for a moment, to take in the mood of it, and you were more than thankful you let Jaemin drag you away from your homework.

“Do you want to go swimming?”

You cracked one eye open to give Jaemin a pointed look, but the mirroring of his smirk gave away your amusement. “We don’t have swimsuits.”

“Skinnydipping, then,” he shrugged and leaned his shoulder against yours, his bright eyes and warm skin leaving you dazed. “I haven’t seen you naked in a while.”

“Ever, actually,” you laughed and leaned up to push him away, and he nearly toppled into the water from the force of it. He pouted at you but then shook his head as he went to stand up.

“Suit yourself,” He stripped off his shirt and your mouth went dry as your eyes widened; you didn’t realize that your eyes were drinking in every groove on his torso until you shook yourself out of it. Momentarily, you panicked, thinking that he was actually going to fully strip to swim in the pool, which would not go over well at a stranger’s house at a packed party.

You calmed when he draped the shirt on the ground behind you and dug his belongings out of his pockets to place atop the article of clothing. He left his shoes and socks beside it until he was only left in his pants.

You stared at him in disbelief. “You’re crazy.”

He grinned flirtatiously and winked at you, “I would say spontaneous,” and then he launched himself at the deeper end before jumping in.

You found yourself gaping at the cannonball he took, the leftover splash of water and resounding waves the remnants of his zany actions. Your slack jaw morphed into a large, open smile and then you were laughing with unabashed glee as he resurfaced, slicking back his hair and wiping at his eyes. He took in your happy form and his eyes softened, but his smile widened as he swam towards you in the shallow end.

“Was it that funny?” He asked, the smile on his face still distinguishable as he shook out his hair like a dog. He came up to you and stood between your slightly spread legs, his arms landing on either side of your thighs to cage you in.

“It’s just so stupid,” you were calming down from your laughter as you tried to settle down enough to scold him for his boldness, but you found your grin faltering as you stared at him, only now noticing how close he was.

He was just as pretty as your surroundings. His smile was radiant, his eyes were crinkled, and water droplets were finding their way along the curve of his cheek, down the slant of his nose, the red ridge of his lips. As water settled on the parting of his mouth, you absently wondered if they were still as soft as they looked.

“If you wanted me to kiss you, you could’ve just asked.”

Your eyes snapped up to his and you scoffed. “I don’t want to kiss you.”

He raised a brow. “Then why were you looking at my lips?”

You opened your mouth to give him a fitting retort but no words came out. You met his eyes and they were serious this time, no trace of the humor you both were sporting only moments before. You swallowed harshly as he leaned in closer, his head subconsciously tilting to the side.

The feeling of his breath fanning over your face sent you back to the beginning of your relationship with him, when a genuine grin wasn’t hard to draw out of him, and his laugh was liquid sunlight to shine upon you and only you. Instinctively, your eyes began to flutter shut at the memory, the warmth of his lips that you cherished before he broke your heart.

You tried to fight your eyelids, tried to keep your eyes trained on him, but his eyes were dark and you couldn’t read him, and you were left drowning, fighting his charm to stay afloat.

Your eyes only closed when his lips sealed over yours, and his hands came up to cup your face, leaving wet splotches in their wake. Your lips pressed against each other’s gently, and something in you wanted to scream, beg you not to give in like before, but it was overshadowed by the affection building in your heart as your fingers trailed over his ribs, the appreciation of the difference in his approach to you this time around.

You felt him begin to smile into the kiss as his hands tightened slightly over your jaw, and that same mirth from before began to bubble in your stomach as you parted. Both of you were breathing faintly in the silence of the patio, and his mouth trailed down to you neck, where he began to kiss and bite gently as you stared at the overhead fairy lights. You made a small sound that spurred him on to explore your collar with his lips until you drew his attention back to you with a steady hand under his jaw. Your breath hitched when you met his heated, dazzling gaze, and you stared at each other in mesmerized shock.

It was him who made the first move after, breaking you both out of your trance. He barked a laugh, a bright, genuine smile crossing his lips as he stepped back, his hands sliding off your face to grace over the pool’s surface. You sat watching him as he climbed the pool’s steps and stepped back onto the stones.

“Are...are you cold?” You managed to ask around the shock still rendering your vocal cords unusable. Water was still clinging to his skin, his eyelashes, his pants, as he reached down and pulled back on his shirt. It clung to his chest as he shook his head.

“A bit but nothing bad,” he stuffed his socks and shoes back on and returned his belongings to his pockets before reaching a hand out towards you. “Are you ready to go?”

You had almost forgotten you weren’t alone in the house, and that just inside there were groups of people dancing and mingling. The longer you thought about it, the more you realized you didn’t want to join them again. “Yeah,” you said and placed your hand in his, letting him pull you up and back under his arm.

He steered you around the house this time instead of re-entering, and you climbed back into his car as he turned it on and pulled out of the driveway.

He gave you another brief kiss when he dropped you off at your house, and though your parents laid into you about sneaking out so late at night, their words did nothing to make you feel regretful. For the only thing on your mind as their words muddled into the background was the lingering feeling of Jaemin’s lips on your own.

— — —

Your parents had not been happy about your rendezvous with Jaemin, and so you had been grounded for two weeks from hanging with friends or going out. Though it had been boring, you had still enjoyed talking with them in school, and especially your interactions with Jaemin.

Neither of you had brought up the kiss, but it was evidently on both of your minds. You did not dare say you were exclusive again in fear that it’d all go wrong again, that your past would haunt you and ruin whatever it was stirring between you. Both of you would flirt and laugh together, but underneath it all, something was aching in your chest, but you squashed the fear and dread down everytime. You would cross that bridge when this lull couldn’t last any longer.

Your parents only relented on your sentence of being grounded when Hendery begged that you hang out after two weeks. Thankfully, he always had a good reputation from your parents perspective; they couldn’t say no to him, and they thought he’d be a good influence for you. Or, better, anyways, since they didn’t know he was bringing you to another party that night.

You both chuckled to yourselves when you slid into his car, but waved politely at your parents so they wouldn’t suspect anything was amiss.

“I can’t believe you convinced them”

He snorted, “I’m always my friends’ parents’ favorite. You just have to know how to be friendly and mature.”

You flicked his forehead as he began driving down the street and he gasped. “Hey, I’m driving! Stop being jealous.” You laughed at him but relaxed back into your seat with a hum. He looked at you out of the corner of her eye.

“So are you back with Jaemin?”

Your humming faltered as you looked to him but cleared your throat. “Not necessarily.”

Hendery scoffed, “Mm sure; you haven’t stopped smiling when thinking about him,” he went to face you but then the stoplight turned green and he was forced to stay focused on the road. “Yeji said she hasn’t seen him with any other girls since you came back.”

“He had hickies on his neck for the first bit. New ones,” You didn’t say it crossly; it was simply fact, and you weren’t necessarily in the situation to be jealous.

“Well I mean messing around, kissing, whatever. He hasn’t been doing it for almost three weeks.”

“Wow, what a record.”

He sighed exasperatedly and gave you a brief stink eye, “Shut up. We think he’s actually trying to be serious this time.”

You pursed your lip but didn’t say anything, and so the conversation fell into a lull of comfortable silence. You didn’t know if hearing his attempts to be serious made you happy or anxious. Even if he was serious about trying to make it work with you again, what’s to say he wouldn’t fall right back into his old habits? Cheating, smoking, drinking—they were still major threats to the line you were walking with him now.

You pushed it to the back of your head as you arrived at the party. Hendery and you walked into the party and before you could follow him to your other friends, you saw Jaemin with some guys and he was already looking your way. Instantly, you perked up, and Hendery rolled his eyes, waving you off. You gave him a thankful look as you split off towards him, and the smile spreading across your face was subconscious.

Jaemin was glaring over your head but when you reached him, he tore his gaze away to grin at you. “(Y/n), babe, hey!” He slid an arm around your waist and drew you forward to stand beside him, and that’s when you took notice of who you were around.

Jeno offered you a kind smile that morphed his eyes into pretty crescent moons, and his arm was draped over the shoulders of his girlfriend (of a year, you think; you can’t remember the details) who took refuge in his warmth, but her smile was just as gentle. Renjun was beside them but you were surprised to see more piercings lining his ears and the tips of his hair to be dyed pink, but he gave you a brief smile and nod before reverting back to his colder countenance.

You knew these guys; you were friends with them when you dated Jaemin the first two years of high school, and you heart squeezed knowing that they seemed to remember you. You lifted your hand in a wave. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey, (y/n); we haven’t seen you in awhile! We didn’t know you were back until Jaemin told us.”

You glanced at the boy in question, but nothing on his face gave him away. You slid your gaze back to Jeno, “Yeah, I was trying to keep it on the low.” So Jaemin didn’t know, but you didn’t need to tell them that since that thought was thrown out of the window by now.

“By the way, Jaemin, can you drive me home tonight?”

Jaemin’s arm tightened around you, “Of course, whatever you need.”

You smiled and turned back to face the group before you perked up. “Oh!” You turned back to Jaemin and poked at his chest, “you didn’t tell me you were friends with Jisung.”

“You know him?” His brows furrowed but he laughed lightly. “Yeah, nice little sport.” You saw Renjun’s and Jeno’s eyes flicker up warningly at Jaemin, as if to watch out for anything he’d say and you hesitantly went for a smile before directing your voice to Renjun, “why isn’t he here?”

Renjun’s eyes flitted to you. “We’re trying to keep him out of,” he shrugged his shoulders vaguely but they seemed to gesture to Jaemin and the party around you. “bad influences.”

Your lips formed a wary ‘o’ but Jeno rushed to fix the tenseness of the situation. “He’s hanging with a different friend right now. Have you met a boy named Chenle?”

“Ah, no, I don’t think so.”

Jeno nodded but his smile came more easily now. “Yeah, he just moved here. Jisung’s been trying to make him feel comfortable.”

You couldn’t help but grin at that. You almost opened your mouth to ask about Hyuck, but you quickly bit the question back. You knew the answer to that, and you didn’t want to ruin the mood. Instead, you grinned. “That’s good.”

Conversation flowed between you all for a bit then, possibly an hour or so until you noticed Jaemin’s and Renjun’s empty bottles.

“Do you guys want another drink?”

Renjun shook his head side to side and placed the bottle down on the table, but Jaemin smiled at you. “Yes, actually; thank you, baby.” He leaned up and kissed your cheek and you felt yourself flush at Renjun’s and Jeno’s stare. You weren’t sure if you wanted them knowing that you and Jaemin were getting that familiar again.

You cleared your throat and stood up quickly. “Well, I’ll get on that. Be right back.” And you hurried to the kitchen.

It was a different home from the other two, but you were getting used to how people congregated in different rooms, so it didn’t take you as long to find. You had grabbed two beers but before you spun and left the kitchen, there was a nudge on your arm.

You turned questionly until you met Hendery’s eye, Yeji slung over his shoulder, half unconscious.

“Oh my God, is she okay?” You gasped, reaching a hand out to brush over her shoulder.

Hendery sighed irritatedly as Xiaojun came up behind him. “Yeah she got into a drinking contest and threw up before passing out. We’re going to head out; are you coming?”

You hesitated, “I actually asked Jaemin if he was okay taking me home. Will you be okay taking her home?”

Hendery sighed but nodded as he readjusted Yeji on his side. “No, it’s fine; I just don’t know how I’m going to explain this to her mom.”

You winced, “I wish you luck.”

Hendery handed Yeji off to Xiaojun, and he began to tell Xiaojun to drive Yeji’s car behind his so after they drop her off, he could take Xiaojun home. Xiaojun agreed and began to head out of the house, but before you could wonder why Hendery wasn’t following, he turned to you. “Do you know what her purse looks like or something? She doesn’t have her phone or keys.”

“Oh! Uh, I think it’s purple? I can help you look.” You placed the two bottles back on the counter and started for the hall.

“That’d be great, thank you.”

You both filed back out into the living room and began to search around the couches and dining table. Him and you were lifting your heads from looking under a chair when Jaemin was suddenly at your side with a stormy expression, his eyes darker than a rain cloud and jaw taut. Neither of you had no time to greet him before Jaemin’s hand clasped around yours tightly and he was tugging you towards him. “Excuse me,” He said, and then he slammed his lips against yours.

You made a muffled sound of shock, your eyes still wide. This kiss was unforgiving, unlike the kiss by the pool. That one was gentle, whereas this one was brutal, bruising; in this kiss, he was pouring forth anger and possession over you, he was claiming your lips as his. You didn’t even get a chance to kiss back (though you were unsure if you wanted to) before he separated and yanked you after him as he exited the house party, partygoers’ eyes on you. You stumbled down the front steps after him, watching his back in shock before you finally processed the situation and tore your hand from his.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” The words tumbled from your mouth before you’d even thought about them, but they were the perfect mixture of what you were feeling right then.

Jaemin’s eyes were narrowed as he drew them back to you, and it shocked you how tense he was, all former relaxation gone from his muscles. “What the fuck is wrong with me? He was getting too close to you; I was getting bad vibes.”

Your brows shot up. “That was Hendery! He’s my friend; even before I moved!”

He stuck his tongue against the inside of his cheek, but the anger in his disposition was still present. “Doesn’t mean he couldn’t have changed.”

“Have you?”

He looked at you, his brows unfurrowing for a moment but then he was looking away again, steaming in his anger silently, potentially to not say anything he’d regret. “He could’ve done something to you.”

“But he didn’t, and he wouldn’t. You had no right to step in like that, to do that in front of everyone when—“ You grasped for the words as you began to shake with anger, your hands trembling. “We’re not dating, Jaemin. So don’t act like we are.”

He pursed his lips and jaw locked, his hands coming up to grasp at his jaw, rub at his collar, like there was nowhere safe to rest. “That’s not what I’m talking about, I’m saying that he could have touched you when you didn’t want him to—“

“You just kissed me when I didn’t want you to!” You hissed at him in disbelief. With a growl of frustration, you ran a hand through your hair before gesturing towards him. “This is exactly why we didn’t work out! Because you’re so fucking possessive!”

His eyes flashed. “That is not why we broke up!”

“Oh, then what was it?” You snarled. “Was it because you were flirting with other girls? That you were being unfaithful while restricting me, that you went out drinking and smoking when you were only sixteen—“

“Shut up!” He shouted at you. “Shut up!”

“Am I striking a nerve?” You jeered. “I told you this is what was going to happen! Do you still want to try again? Do you really want screaming matches every fucking week again?”

“You’re the only who started this fight,” He was shaking, eyes on the ground but you knew they had to be on fire, and if he lifted his gaze to yours, you would surely be burned. “We don’t have to be fighting like we did before.”

“But we will because you haven’t changed!” You stared at him helplessly, pointedly, your arms spread to each side. “You’re still the guy you were before I left! It’s just been so long that I fell for that exact same charm that reeled me in the first time.”

“You haven’t been around long enough to know if I’m changed or not!” he seethed. Jaemin finally looked up and his eyes were ferocious like you thought they’d be, but his expression was pained. “You’re so fucking afraid it will be the same that you’re not even looking at me!”

You blinked at him wordlessly. Are you the one afraid? Are you the one reading this wrong? You gritted your teeth; you didn’t have the patience to doubt yourself now, and if you gave in now then he’d always get his way.

“Oh, so you’re going to tell me that that kiss wasn’t because of jealousy then?” You snapped. You glared at him, waiting for him to argue, to prove his point but he didn’t; Jaemin only met your gaze evenly, his jaw raised and fists clenched. You crossed your arms. “Get out of here, Jaemin. I’m not getting in the car with you.”

He didn’t push you; he didn’t yell at you, he didn’t come near you to lift you up and force you. Jaemin simply kept his eyes trained on you for a moment longer before turning on his heel and briskly walking to his car. The door opening and slamming shut was resoundly loud in the sudden silence of your yelling match, and you watched him pull out of the driveway alone.

You stayed there for another minute, letting everything you both said sink in and it wasn’t till then that you realized you were still shaking, from anger or sobs you didn’t know. You tried to breath in the fresh air to steady yourself before going back inside.

You went to say goodbye to Hendery, but you shot down any attempt he made to give you comfort or get you to speak. He seemed at a loss, but he respected you and headed out the door to drive Yeji home.

You hurried back to Jeno and Renjun to gather your purse in hopes that you could duck out quickly, but Jeno placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Where’s Jaemin? Where are you going?”

You didn’t look at him as you replied, “He left.”

“Without you?” He drew in his brows and looked back at Renjun. “Who’s taking you home?”

“I’m walking.”

“No you’re not; we can drive you.” Jeno didn’t remove his hand from your arm as he nodded at his girlfriend. “We don’t mind.”

You hesitated before giving in. You didn’t want to bother him, and quite frankly you wanted to be alone, but you knew it wasn’t safe this late. All of you said goodbye to Renjun before you followed them out of the house, and you sat in the backseat as he began to pull away.

It was silent for a long time before Jeno spoke up. “I’m sorry.”

You peeked up at him. “For what?”

“For Jaemin,” he turned the wheel and glanced back at you. “That he’s struggling to change.”

You snorted and looked out the window. “He hasn’t changed.”

“He’s trying,” Jeno’s confident tone made you stiffen and you looked back up towards the front of the car at him. He met your eye through the rearview mirror. “He is, I’m not lying to you.”

“I know, Jeno,” The words came out in a sigh as you dropped your head in your lap. Jeno had always been consistent, honest, reliable; he would never tell you this if he didn’t believe in Jaemin. Your fingers trembled against your purse. “I just wish you were.”

— — —

You didn’t go to another party after the fight with Jaemin. Your friends tried to convince you, giving you unamused looks when you gave an excuse or waved them off, but ultimately they stopped offering. You smiled at Jeno and Renjun and Jisung, but you avoided Jaemin again; you couldn’t bear to look him in the eye.

You tried to tell yourself he didn’t deserve to hear from you anymore if he was just like before, that it was for your own best interest to drop him. He made no attempts either; he didn’t look at you in the hall or try to sling an arm over your shoulder to joke with you. You scolded yourself every time you wished he would.

To occupy your mind, you tried to invest yourself more into your schoolwork as weeks passed by, and things seemed to go back to normal—at least, for you.

Jaemin has gotten worse. You had tried to ignore it, but you couldn’t help but take notice of the bags under his eyes, the underlying smirk on his features that wasn’t genuine. Some days he’d show up with lovebites all over him, other times he reeks of smoke, and sometimes he didn’t show at all.

You were worried. You knew Jeno and Renjun were too; their frowns were evident as their eyes followed him and then slid to you, a silent plea of you to see what your absence was doing.

But he wasn’t your responsibility. He hurt you twice, he wasn’t a good influence, and you’d probably forget about him once you went off to college.

But after a few more weeks and he only looked worse, you couldn’t take it anymore. You approached Jeno after class and didn’t say anything for a moment, just stared at him pointedly with a clenched jaw, and then he was writing down Jaemin’s address on a slip of paper and handing it to you.

And when you drove up to the apartment complex that night, you still weren’t quite sure what you were doing. You parked your car and started going up the outdoor stairs in a daze, the cold air of dusk nipping at your forearms. What were you going to say? Did you even want to see him? Did he want to see you?

You paused on the top of the stairs of his floor. It was like a cement motel, just a little cleaner. If he had moved out on his own, he probably couldn’t afford much better. Your heart clenched at the thought.

With bated breath, you stopped before his door. You were here; you couldn’t go home now without at least knocking. You raised your hand and rapped at the wood lightly.

There was a brief commotion of the other side and muffled shouts before you heard footsteps approach the door.

“Jeno, I don’t want to go out tonight; go away.”

You felt winded hearing his voice after so long. It was hoarse, scratchy, and he sounded tired and irritated, which was a large contrast to when he hung with you.

You cleared your throat. “It’s not—it’s not Jeno.”

It was silent on the other side of the door. The longer the quiet stretched out the more you thought he didn’t hear you and you might as well head home before the door opened.

His hair was a mess as if he just woke up, and his eyes were dull. His clothes were a mess and dangling from his hand was a lit cigarette. When you drew your gaze back up to his face, a trail of smoke puffed from his mouth as he stared at you.

“(Y/n).”

You tried not to let your face twist in disgust as the smoke blew towards your face. “Jaemin.”

You both awkwardly stood there taking in each other’s appearances before you heard a familiar voice shout in a slurred voice, “Jaemin, where are the other bottles?”

Jaemin grimaced but turned away from you enough to shout back into the apartment, “You've drunk enough tonight; I’m not letting you into my stash.” He faced you again and he seemed uncomfortable under your cautious gaze as he took another drag of his cigarette.

“Is—is that Donghyuck?” Jaemin hesitantly nodded and breathed out the smoke again.

“Yeah, he’s—he’s spending the night. He crashes here often.” You peeked over his shoulder at Donghyuck, curled up on the couch with beer bottles littering the coffee table as he mumbled to himself; hopefully they just didn’t clean often, and all of those bottles weren’t from today only.

You felt something twinge in your chest seeing the former class clown so...dreary, pulled down so far from happiness. You may have been gone for a year but gossip always traveled fast when Jaemin was around, so you had heard about Mark and his girlfriend and the betrayal that broke the honey-skinned boy the year before.

You frowned but looked back up at Jaemin. “Are you letting him drown himself in alcohol?”

“What else could he do to get his mind off of it?”

Your frown only deepened. “You’re feeding an addiction—has he been like this since it happened?”

“You’re not a doctor,” Jaemin scowled, his grip on his cigarette tightening. “What’s it matter if he wants to drink to forget? I’ve done it plenty of times.”

“And look where that’s gotten you,” You knew you shouldn’t have said it as soon as the words slipped out. His eyes widened before they narrowed to two slits. “Jaemin, I—I didn’t mean to say that.”

“No, I think you made yourself very clear,” he spat. “If you’re only here to criticize me then politely fuck off.”

“Jaemin—“ but the door was suddenly slammed in your face. You stared at the grooves in the wood in shock before groaning in regret. You turned around and pursed your lips as you studied the concrete floor. With a sigh, you took a few lazy steps to the stairs before sitting on one and leaning your elbows on your knees so you could plant your chin in your palms.

You looked up at the sky glumly, conflicted. The moon shone back down at you, as if to comfort you but remind you that it couldn’t help you solve your problems. You shook your head and let your gaze wander over the dark blanket of the night taking over the leftover bits of day, the purple mixing with the blue to create a beautiful array of colors too dark to be sunset anymore.

A door creaked open behind you but you didn’t look back; it would be awkward to lock eyes with another resident who would only see you as some strange girl sitting on the steps outside their home. You winced; maybe you really should head home soon.

You didn’t have much time to contemplate it before you felt a heavy weight fall over your shoulders and movement to your left. Your hands instinctively flew up to catch at the fabric of a coat around your back, and when you looked to your side, your eyes widened to find Jaemin settling down beside you, a cigarette still perched precariously between two of his fingers.

He didn’t attempt to make conversation at first as you watched him, he only tried to become comfortable by leaning his back against the step behind you and stretching his legs down over the steps below. He took a gentle inhale of the killing machine in his hand before he exhaled and put it out against the cement of the stair.

It was oddly comforting sitting beside him outside his apartment, his coat around your shoulders and his face contemplative. Finally, he spoke up, his tone mellow. “I was trying to change.”

You looked away from him, your eyes settling on the moon. “I know.”

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye before giving a heavy sigh, one that seemed to release all of the tension in his limbs. “I was chasing a high for a long time. I hit low after low and after messing up so terribly with you…” you met his eye briefly to study him, but he only chuckled at himself. “When you came back I thought that maybe I could be happy again, that I could make up for it. I can’t even do that right.”

You were quiet for a while, but he didn’t seem to mind as he let his eyes wander over the sky; he seemed entirely at peace in the night, the moon and low-quality light fixtures with moths flying about them the only source of light to encase him. Your voice was low when you responded, “Why weren’t you just honest with me?”

He guffawed at that, looking at you with a relaxed disposition but raised brow. “You kept rejecting me, what did you expect?” You bit your lip at the meaning of those words, but he continued as if he didn’t notice, “It’s hard to be honest when you didn’t want to hear the truth.”

“I didn’t,” you admitted. You turned to face him again, and you made a promise to yourself that you wouldn’t look away from him now, so he’d know you were honest and listening. He watched you wordlessly. “I didn’t want to be open to the idea that things could be different. I’m sorry.”

He raised a hand and graced it over your cheek, gently grasping your jaw in his palm as he looked in your eyes for any discomfort, any lies, any sign for him to pull away and go inside and forget you came tonight.

He found nothing.

“I’m going to change. You know that, right?” He stroked your cheek and tilted his head, drawing his face closer to yours.

You found yourself nuzzling into his palm as you nodded. “I know.” I’m not scared that you won’t anymore. The discarded cigarette on the stair behind you seemed to stand as a reminder of his oath as he lifted his other hand to cup the back of your neck and pull you closer. Right before your lips connected, you brought a hand up to block his mouth. “No more being jealous, okay? No cheating, no heavy drinking, and no more smoking.”

Though you couldn’t see the lower half of his face, his eyes crinkled like they did when he smiled. “I promise.” With a nod, you lowered your hand, and your breath hitched as your lips connected.

Your lips moved together unhurriedly, almost leisurely. You found yourself growing lost in him, the smoke on his tongue and interwoven into his scent, and you subconsciously drew him closer to you by the collar, to minimize any distance left. When you pulled away, you didn’t feel overwhelming passion or affection, but that was the beauty of it; the kiss felt commonplace, and it felt familiar. It didn’t feel like it had to mean anything, and that’s what made it matter to you.

You slid your head down onto his shoulder without even meeting his eye, and his hand came down to rest around your waist and pull you closer. Both of you gazed up at the night sky and basked in each other’s company, and the crisp air felt refreshing in your lungs as you interlocked your fingers with his.

731 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #325

tired of seeing me in the survey tag yet? lmao me too

Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I have absolutely never understood why there would be any correlation between someone's height and whether or not you would date the person because of it. What, do you think the person has any control over that? So basically, yes, I would, without a second thought. Have you ever fallen in love on the Internet? "Fallen in love," no. I had to meet Sara first to see how we meshed in the same environment. Have you ever had a crush on your best friend’s sweetie? Yes, hence the Joel mess. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend? No. Good luck getting me to date someone like that. Can guys be sluts? Who the fuck cares so long as the person is safe and open with their partner. Ever had a crush on your best girlfriend? Twice now, haha. Would you ever kiss someone who’s taken? No, I'm not that kind of person. Do you mind being the third wheel? I don't care, really, so long as my friend doesn't totally ignore me. I very much enjoy seeing people in love. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Yes. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No, and I absolutely would not if I was aware. You pick me or you leave me alone. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? I've never had to, but I'd probably feel a hint of awkwardness. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new partner? No, and the only case where that would be a problem would be with Jason. I know in my heart I would feel at least some hatred towards her. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? Yep, when I was first actually getting truly sexual and felt like I was betraying my "abstinence." Would you stay friends with your sweetie’s friends if you broke up? I'm still friends with Jacob, mine and Jason's former roommate and his then-close friend. So yeah. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I hope more than words can explicate that I have a stable job that I love, my driver's license, and my own place with a long-term partner, since I think living alone would be very detrimental to me. I also hope I have much better control over my social anxiety. Oh, and can I PLEASE be fit again? What was the last thing you bought for less than a dollar? No idea. Who was the last person in your bed? My niece Aria was sitting on it with me. I miss Misty's kids. Do you have a nice phone? Not particularly, but it does the job. Is Marilyn Manson creepy or cool? I find him creepy in a cool way, haha. Well, at least aesthetically. With his recent sexual assault (or abuse? idr) allegations however, I don't know how I feel about him because I don't know the facts. I really should actually read up about it. Regardless, I love his music; he's one of my favorite musical artists. Do you like talking to strangers? Depends on my mood and the person. Do you have OCD? Yes. Are you clumsy or graceful? I'm clumsy as all getout. Have you ever ran into a door because you didn’t know it was closed? Haha, no. Have you ever woke up and didn’t know where you were? After my cyst removal surgery, I was confused for a moment or so. Do you own a Wii? Yep. Do you like to talk about yourself? Depends on with whom, the subject, and my mood. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No; I'm very much on the other end of the spectrum. Tattoos or piercings? I love both, but tats win. Have you ever had ants ruin your picnic? I’ve never had a picnic. At least that I remember. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? Recently, I watched The Dark Den dissect his recently-deceased tarantula to figure out why she died. It was serious impaction, and it was disgusting. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? A lil cozy one! Not TOO small, though. I'd feel claustrophobic. Have you ever blow dried something other then your hair? Maybe? What is your favorite piece of equipment at gyms? Treadmills. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did for a little while. Did you tell your last girlfriend/boyfriend that you love them? Yes. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Apparently I somehow forgot to wipe crumbs off the kitchen counter. Have you ever had a bathing suit fall off of you while swimming? Not a suit, no, but when I wore bikinis and I jumped into the pool, it's happened before where my top would go up. I'd obviously fix it super quick. Do your pets have favorites? I'm absolutely Roman's favorite, but he loves Mom, too. I'm the only one who interacts with Venus. What’s the longest you’ve ever liked someone without telling them? A very long time. I had a big crush on Girt my freshman year, and some time after Jason, my crush for him came back, but he didn't ask me out until years later. Turns out we'd been friends just too long and the relationship felt too weird for me, so I broke up with him after I think... four months or so? We're still great friends. That's my bro. Did you prank anyone on April Fool’s Day? I never do anymore. I don't like pranks. What’s the sweetest thing a gf/bf can do to get you to forgive them? Changed behavior. Do you dislike when surveys ask to describe your underwear? Well, I'm almost always in my pajamas, sooo I generally don't even have any at that moment. Did you check to see how much fat/calories was in the last thing you ate? No. If the last person you kissed gave you roses, what would you do? Blush and thank her. Anything happened lately that you never expected to? "Never?" No. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? I'm a massive disappointment and embarrassment to that little girl. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I am absolutely a peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the plague. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? They've been divorced since I was I think 17 and I am now 25, so... Do you like pumpkin pie? Absolutely not. Do you believe in any conspiracies? I am 100% sold on that the government had some involvement in 9/11. Look into the evidence - there is an overwhelming amount. There are others that I consider as possible, but no others do I absolutely believe. I'm around 50/50 on the simulation theory. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? Who? Nah. Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? Colleen. We simply butted heads way too much, and she just had this volatile meanness towards others I couldn't watch anymore. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Probably a paper for when I was in school. I don't know if our printer does. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? Yeah, with Colleen and then another time with my sisters. It was really just to hang with them, though. It's not something I'm interested in. Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Nope. When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Not since I was an older teen did I get Mom's bed, but it wasn't new. This was actually her parents' bed, too. Well I mean, the mattress obviously isn't that old, but the bed itself is pretty ancient. It's comfy enough. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yes: on the dead-end road that led to our old house. I was with Mom obviously and probably my sister, since I think I did it on the way home from school. Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? Not to my knowledge. I definitely don't. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yes, because it's mandatory when being transported to a mental hospital. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? Never been drunk before. When was the last time you bled? What happened? Well it's my time of the month, so. Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any pets? I love dogs, but don't currently have one as a pet. Mom's looking intently. How often do you bathe? I'm going to be completely transparent and say not as much as I should. Doing my hair is fine, but moving all around, bending and propping my legs up exhausts my legs so much that I avoid showers as long as I can take it or until I have to go somewhere. I want strength back in my body. So. Badly. Do you have any tattoos? What, where and why? I have six that I'm not all explaining, but locations: right upper arm, right inner wrist, left inner forearm, left upper arm, right collarbone, left breast. What do you wear to bed at home? Pajama pants and a tank top. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? Pj pants, tank top, and usually a bra, depending on where I'm at and with who. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I have a lot, but I'll discuss my strangest/strongest: pregnancy, maggots, parasites, and whale sharks. Pregnancy would be because a fetus is technically parasitic, and, to cover that topic, I'm just generally terrified of anything living in MY body. I also find it absolutely disgusting to see a baby move from the outside. I will actually scream if I see this, and that is not an exaggeration. I'm afraid of maggots (larva in general, really) because I think they're just disgusting, and I once brought something in from outside and put it in my dresser (idr why), and one day I opened it and reached in for something just to find lots of little larva squirming around. That's when it started. Now, whale sharks: it's literally because of World of Warcraft, hahaha. There's an underwater zone in the game where they roam as boss enemies, and their mouths look so weird and are actually a bit toothy. Irl, they just have mouths that are just way too big for my comfort. I know they're entirely harmless, but still. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? "Why." Why so much evil, pain, and unfairness. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken, but still loving and try to stay close. Big "ohana" mood: everyone's loyalty is endless. Where do you stand on the death penalty? For it in extreme cases. Where do you stand on wearing fur? Disgusting and horribly morbid unless for survival purposes in cold climates. Could you kill somebody? In self-defense, yes. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? I just say I'm Independent. My beliefs stretch over so many titles; plus, I'm not very educated on all types and what they entail. What, if anything, WOULD you sacrifice your life for? To save those I love most. How would your ideal partner look? *shoves picture of Mark Fischbach in ur face* Would you ever have an affair? Nope. I'm telling you: pick me or leave me be. I'm not a side-chick. Would you ever have a one night stand? Also no. What one thing would you change in this world (free Tibet, abolish Sweden)? Honestly... probably abolish all militaries. I do not in the least support war, and it's just... sad to know countries stand ready to kill the moment they "need" to. Distrust seems to make the world go 'round. Sure, a country may try to rebuild them in secrecy, but that's a preeeetty big thing to succeed in keeping under wraps. "But what if a terrorist or something rises?" I'm quite sure we could handle that without an full-on army. Maybe I'm not well-informed on this topic, but I've just never supported military presence. I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR AS DAY, I have endless respect for veterans and aspiring soldiers, because I DO understand the mentality of wanting to protect your home, but yeah. I just wish it wasn't a thing. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? Nope. Do you have any famous relatives? Ancestors, yes, and I have a distant cousin who wrote a fantastic book, if that counts. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. Desired weight: At MOST 140. :/ I'd like to be closer to 120, but I'll take 140. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Legalize it, but treat it similarly to alcohol, like prohibiting driving high, obviously. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip a minimum, and THEN increase according to service quality. Are you addicted to anything? Soda. Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? Yes. Never mind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I'm a female and content with that. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Yes, considering how behind I am in just being an adult. What does your parents call you? Generally just "Britt." Mom occasionally still calls me "Twinkie." ;-; Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? Wow, no. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. What’s the last thing to make you scream? Truly scream, a mix of depression and anger. I screamed into my pillow. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm an adult. I'm a tease in some romantic situations, but "hard to get" is definitely the wrong term.

#survey #surveys #questions

1 note · View note

i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships · 5 years

Text

Only Us

Ok, so more writing for the not bread shrine. (That’s the one-shot tag. The Not Bread Shrine.) The prompt for this one came from anon. I told them that I was writing both, and I am. It’s just that my Prinxietea fiend came out and wanted to write this one first. Also, to that anon, I switched it to songs from various musicals because yeah? (And I’ve only listened to musical theater songs for the past like 3 months. (When I have the choice and my taste in pop music is like earlier 2000s because that was good music that I remember from when I was like 3.) My life aside, serious talk time.

Songs Used: Meant To Be Yours (Heathers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD7x_7tUFNI

Only Us (Dear Evan Hansen) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPvO1sZkOx0

(Crap tons of others are mentioned. The words of these two songs are used though)

Parings: Prinxietea (Prinxiety)

Tw: Cursing and the murderous kind of fluff

Word Count: 1985

----

“Hey Ro, how much longer till we get there?” Virgil asked not looking up from his phone.

They’d only been in the car for 2 of the 16 hours it takes to get from Florida to New York. 2 hours. This is going to be a long drive. Roman thought before answering his boyfriend’s question.

“14 more hours, love.”

Virgil set his phone down. “UGH!! THAT LONG!!!”

Roman laughed a little bit. “May I remind you that we’re driving from Florida to New York?”

“Well, whoever decided to drive is an idiot.”

Roman laughed again. “You decided to drive stormcloud.” Roman would’ve loved to see Virgil’s expression at that, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the road or Virgil would freak out.

Virgil tried to move on from the fact that he’d just called himself an idiot. “Well, if we’re stuck in this car for another 14 hours can we put on something other than this crap?” He gestured to the radio. Virgil was never one for pop music. Roman would much rather listen to musical theater soundtracks, and that’s what he put on.

It was a long playlist that Roman had put on shuffle. The first song that came up was Meant To Be Yours.

Virgil’s face lit up. Heathers had always been his favorite musical. Virgil didn’t sing, Roman, however, being the extra bitch he was started singing at the top of his lungs. “You chucked me out like I was trash for that you should be dead. But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash what if high school went away instead!” Virgil stared in awe at his boyfriend. Questioning how he was such a good singer.

Then came a mix of theater songs. However, the order that the shuffle put the songs in was so random. Virgil, being the conspiracy theorist that he was, kept trying to figure out “WHAT THE HELL IT WANTS FROM US!!” Every time another song would start playing Virgil would add on to the story that he’d come up with.

Roman was amused with every addition that each new song brought. After three hous the story went as follows:

(Cautionary Tale (Mean Girls) and Kindergarten Boyfriend (Heathers)) Be careful with love.

(You Will Be Found (DEH)) Even if you're not careful with love, and you get hurt, someone will see you and you'll be found.

(Be More Chill (Part 1.) (BMC)) Once found, be careful what you do and what friends you choose.

(Fight For Me (Heathers)) Also, you will meet someone who's beating the shit out of the people you hate.

(The Pants Song (BMC)) Also, in that moment please be wearing pants.

(Revenge Party (Mean Girls)) You then will invoke revenge on the people that were getting the shit beat out of them.

(I Love Play Rehearsal (BMC)) You will find this person to be incredibly adorable.

(Our Love Is God (Heathers)) You’ll then fall in love with this person and go commit murder with them.

(All You Wanna Do (Six)) This person will be sexually attracted to you.

(World Burn (Mean Girls)) This person wants to watch the world burn.

(Two-Player Game (BMC)) This person will become one of your best friends.

(The Squip Enters (BMC)) You will meet another person who will be similar to the Squip.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Mean Girls)) The Squip person will hurt you.

(Heart Of Stone (Six)) The other person will break your heart.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will tell these two people off.

(Lifeboat (Heathers)) Then you will fall into a deep depression.

(Be More Chill (Part 2) (BMC)) Your self-deprecation will get bad and the voices in your head will be very persuasive.

(Sexy (Mean Girls)) Karen Smith will bring you joy during this dark time.

(So Big/So Small (DEH)) You will start to lose more people close to you.

(I’d Rather Be Me (Mean Girls)) But then you will realize you’d rather be yourself then be with those people.

(To Break In A Glove (DEH)) You will learn that the hard and right way is the way that you should use.

(Do You Wanna Hang? (BMC)) You will be put in an uncomfortable situation and not be able to do anything.

(Ex-Wives (Six)) You will get a chance to start again and rewrite your history.

(Fearless (Mean Girls)) You will become fearless. You will no longer fear death.

(Requiem (DEH)) One of the first 2 people mentioned will die. You will refuse to grieve.

(Me Inside Of Me (Heathers)) You will have killed them. You then need to cover up your mistakes.

(Stop (Mean Girls)) Your conscious will tell you to stop doing murders.

(The Squip Song (BMC)) You will be offered a Squip and be in denial because it’s BMC IRL. (Or you know, just like drugs.)

(Freeze Your Brain (Heathers)) You refuse the drugs and/or Squip and obtain a Slurpee addiction to combat your depression.

(Don’t Lose Ur Head (Six)) You will begin to be “Sorry not sorry for what I said”.

(Apex Predator (Mean Girls)) You will judge the most popular girl in school.

(Voices In My Head (BMC)) You will begin to accept the voices in your head and know that they are normal.

(Where Do You Belong (Mean Girls)) You will find a new home where you are accepted.

(No Way (Six)) You will refuse to be accepted by these people.

(Sincerely Me (DEH)) You will write emails to yourself and an imaginary pen pal.

(Get Down (Six)) You will be the “Queen” of your “Castle”

(What’s Wrong With Me (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will question what’s wrong with you.

Then it was time for a rest stop. A total of 3 hours had passed by that time. Both Roman and Virgil’s sides aked from laughing as much as they did. Once they got out of the car Roman intertwined their fingers and swung their arms as they walked into the rest stop.

There was a McDonalds inside. They ordered and stood by the counter so then they could grab their food and leave.

While they were waiting, Virgil asked Roman “Hey Ro, how much money do you have?” Roman wasn’t aware of where Virgil was going and said “I dunno. Like 10 bucks? Why?” Virgil was slightly offended by Roman not saying the line. I mean, you should only have to hear “Road work ahead? Uhh yeah. I sure hope it does.” like 10 times to know that this person is going to keep making Vine references.

Anyways, Virgil ignored Roman missing the reference and said “Oh! You know what that means!” Roman sighed before putting on a very dramatic face and said: “I don’t have enough money for chicken nugget.”

Virgil smiled and intertwined their fingers again. (I like the phrase “intertwined their fingers” idk why. I just do) “I knew you would get it at some point.” Roman smiled fondly at Virgil. “Why are you like this?”

Virgil leaned on Roman and told him “Oh come on!! You know you love me.” Virgil didn’t intend for it to be a Disney reference, but Roman took it that way.”Do I know that? Yes. Yes, I do.” They both laughed a little bit before they were interrupted by their order being called. They grabbed their food and went back to the car.

After they ate and threw out their trash, they began driving again. Virgil had forgotten the story that he’d come up with so he just moved on.

The song that came on first after they started driving again was More Than Survive from Be More Chill. Roman sang again (he sang just about every song that came on). Virgil smiled. He had always enjoyed Roman’s singing. This whole time he had wanted to sing, but he didn’t. He knew Roman wouldn’t mind. He’d enjoy having an extra person to sing with.

Especially for duets.

Virgil smiled even brighter at the thought of the two of them singing something sassy like Apex Predator or just fun like Two-Player Game. But he didn’t. He wasn’t planning on singing either.

Well, I guess the best way to put it is keyword: planning.

The first piano notes that were the opening to Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen began to play. There had been an hour or two’s worth of songs that came on between More Than Survive and Only Us. Roman had been wrapped up in his own world of miscellaneous theater songs. Virgil guessed that he was going to take both Zoe (That’s how it is spelled on the Wiki so that’s how I’m spelling it) and Evan’s parts, but he didn’t care. Once Laura Dreyfuss began singing he did as well.

However, Virgil was very quiet, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t need you to sell me on reasons to want you.”

The next line he sang a little louder. But not loud enough for Roman to hear him. “I don’t need you to search for the proof that I should.”

The next few lines were just barely audible. “You don’t have to convince me. You don’t have to be scared your not enough. ‘Cause what we got going, is good.”

The next set of lines were only slightly more audible. “I don’t need more reminders of all that’s been broken. I don’t need you to fix what I’d rather forget. Clear the slate and start over. Try to quiet the noises in your head. We can’t compete with all that.”

Virgil had a nice crescendo going and he didn’t even realize until he was singing the chorus very loudly. “So what if it’s us? What if it’s us, and only us? And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. Can we try that? What if it’s you? And what if it’s me? And what if that’s all that we need it to be? And the rest of the world falls away. What do you say?” Roman had stopped singing Zoe’s part once he heard Virgil.

He did come in with Evan’s part though.

“I never thought there’d be someone like you, who would want me.” Virgil smiled. “Well.” Roman looked at Virgil using his peripheral vision as to not get lectured for not keeping his eyes on the road and how they could’ve died. “So I give you ten-thousand reasons to not let me go. But if you really see me if you like me for me and nothing else, well that’s all that I’ve wanted for longer than you could possibly know.”

Roman braced himself. He knew what was coming next. He was scared that once he started singing with Virgil that he’d crash the car.

“So it can be us. It can be us, and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. We can try that.”

Virgil smiled at Roman before coming back in and having the two of them sing together.

“It’s not so impossible.” Roman was starting to get convinced that he was going to crash the car. Virgil’s voice was incredible. “Nobody else but the two of us here.”

Virgil noticed Roman tensing up and intertwined their fingers. “‘Cause you’re saying it’s possible.”

“We can just watch the whole world disappear.”

“Till you’re the only one I still know how to see.”

“It’s just you and me.”

“It’ll be us. It’ll be us and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore!”

“We can try that! You and me! That’s all that we need it to be! And the rest of the world falls away! And the rest of the world falls away. The world falls away. The world falls away.”

“And it’s only us.”

God. What Roman would’ve given to kiss Virgil in that moment.

However, he’d made up his mind.

Next rest stop…

He’d kiss the fuck out of his Emo Nightmare.

----

Taglist: @winterswishing @thetomorrowshow @an-existing-leah @iixclementine @elatedgiff

@rain-bound I was that anon who asked if you’d like to be tagged like 2 days ago.

@just-some-gt-trash I figured you’d love this.

@stop-it-anxiety I value your opinion greatly and I’d like to know what you think.

#Em's crappy attempts at writing #The Not Bread Shrine Writings #That tag is here to stay #Also this is my new favorite thing I've written.#Just ahh!!!#Too cute!!#prinxietea #prinxiety

128 notes · View notes

grandmascottlang · 4 years

Text

I feel really hurt.

I have this "friend" (let's call him... John for the sake of this story) and if you know me IRL, you probably know who he is, how he acts, etc. He's the guy with three first names if you don't know who he is from reading what he's been doing to me for the past couple of weeks.

Also if you read this whole thing, please don't reblog it.

So John has been a decent friend over the years, I met him in sixth grade (or around the time I was 11-12 years old if you don't know how the American school system works lmao) and we were pretty close.

Over the past few years, however, he's become insanely hard to hang out with and contact due to all of his obligations and school work. It literally took him days to respond or he wouldn't.

He's wasted my time, money, friendship, and hope over the years because he focuses solely on one thing at a time. First it was his position in a club, now it's his girlfriend.

And no shade to his gf because she's nice, but he's literally always with her. Every second of every day and he is ONLY with her.

Now mind you, when I came to visit my best friend at my current college during spring break last semester (for reference, I wasn't attending the current university where I'm at now, I just transferred here this semester), I posted on my Snapchat that I was here and I was leaving the next day to go back to Georgia where I was at for school. He dms me and asks why I didn't tell him I was there because he would've liked to hang out. He tells me to let him know the next time I'm in town.

I told him when I was in town; I was in town for Thanksgiving and for Winter Break (since obviously I was transferring to the same school that he's at and I'm currently at now). I wanted to hang out with this guy and never got a response. It irks me that he practically forced me to tell him whenever I was in town and yet doesn't have the audacity to send anything back.

Moving on, a couple days before the semester starts, I tell him that I'm in town permanently because I transferred and we establish that we'll hang out the next week and he'll be the one to let me know when he's available. A week goes by and I text him if he's still down to hang out. He says yeah (albeit almost another week later) but he'll have to do it after he deals with his roommate situation and his schedule.

And I'm not stupid, alright? I see the amount of time he hangs out with his gf on social media, he at least has time to hang out with her. I've seen him like four times on campus and this point and I've tried initiating a conversation with him but he just says hi and goes back to only caring about his girlfriend.

So needless to say, I'm pissed. I tell my friends and parents about the situation with John and everyone's just like drop him. And you have to understand that I really want to, however, when he was actually an attentive friend, he was a great guy and an even better friend. I bent over backwards for him and to this day, if he needed something or someone to talk to, or anything, I'd be there.

And my ex-bestfriend treats me the same way and I don't talk to him anymore (and I don't care to) because he genuinely betrayed me, wasted my money, wasted my time, and he's wasted over a decade of my life. So I've felt this before and I don't want it to just end like that friendship did.

I wanted to confront him today, to give him the option to either be my friend and move on or just stop. I don't care whatever happens. So I ask him a few days ago if he's down to talk because he hasn't reached out to me at this point and clearly isn't going to. He says "oh hey! yeah, i just moved out and everything's great so i can definitely do that!" I'm already slightly annoyed at this point because he clearly had enough time to spend with his girlfriend everyday and somehow he can't be separated from her for more than a few seconds and "now" he finally has time to hang out. So we establish that we're meeting at 5:00 PM today in a place that's easy for both of us to get to.

So at 4:50 PM today he texts me and tells me that he's on his way and he'd only be able to be there for a maximum of half an hour because he has to go watch a movie for a class. And you know that professor's don't spring stuff up like that. If something's taking place outside of class, you have to tell your students in advance. So I'm like (in my head), you gave me thirty minutes of your time when I asked if we could talk because I have something important to talk to you about?????? Shows how much you care for me. So I tell him I'm still down to hang out, but I would rather talk to him on a different day that he's genuinely free. I don't hear back from him and I wait for him until 5:30 PM. JOHN DOESN'T EVEN SHOW UP. So I'm fucking pissed and I walk outside to the bus stop (because I have to ride the bus to get to my dorm) and I missed my bus because I was waiting for him. And the buses are delayed for about an hour. So I can't get home, I'm standing in the snow until I find out that they've been delayed for 50 minutes. He texts me later and "apologizes" and I'm like. Okay. But we need to talk. Now even more so.

So I got stood up today, I got told through someone's actions that I'm irrelevant, I missed my bus, and got covered in about an inch of snow. So today's been great.

#rant #i can't with this guy #like #ugh

17 notes · View notes

illstaywithstray · 5 years

Text

High Tier

↳ pairing: Stray Kids Felix x Reader| fluff, angst

↳ au: idol!felix. reader

↳ warnings: cursing, verbal and physical harassment

↳ word count: 2.7k

⁙ summary: The boy of your dreams, Felix Lee, happens to be a Korean idol who asks you to a high-class rendezvous with his company. You didn’t expect to meet the son of a CEO at the party. And Felix shows his true colors when he realizes that the CEO’s son is your ex.

⁛ A/N: Ahh, this one took a bit longer to complete, especially with school going on right now, but I hope you enjoy it! I’ve been wanting to write for Felix for a while (and Ateez because I love them more than life itself). (Also the creepy older man isn’t based on anyone in the kpop industry, it’s just someone similar to a person I know irl)

blog masterlist | next chapter (coming soon)

Friday night was becoming anything but ordinary. A couple of weeks ago, Felix Lee had asked you to a party that his employer, Jinyoung Park or JYP, was throwing for a group of companies.

“Girl, close your mouth and say yes,” your best friend had practically screamed into your ear. “Yeah- yes, I’d love to, Felix.” And the smile that spread across his face had sent butterflies flying in your stomach. You had just finished straightening the ends of your hair when y/f/n burst out of the closet with a dress in hand. She glanced at your bare face, devoid of makeup and threw the dress on the bed, motioning you to sit down. “I’m doing your makeup. Also, wear that dress.” “Uh, I don’t think so. It’s tight around the middle.” “And what about it? At least it’s long,” she remarked while dusting your cheekbones with powder. You groaned loudly, and then shut up after seeing her blank expression. Y/f/n would beat your ass in a heartbeat. After she had finished, you glanced at your reflection while shimmying into the dress. The black satin was cut at the bottom, exposing leg. You shifted, slightly uncomfortable. Y/f/n gasped in wonderment, giggling to herself and clapping her hands together. “Y/n, you look like a model. Wow, I’m incredible.” She hugged you, twirling you around. Your laugh echoed through the room, almost muting the series of loud knocks that came from downstairs. Y/f/n yelled to her older brother, her shrieks bouncing off the walls. “Miss y/f/n, I must answer the door, but what is the matter?” “Honestly, stop calling me that. But do you know who’s downstairs?” “It’s Felix. Also y/n, you look wow, you look like an actual girl.” “This is why you don’t get women.” “Okay. Wait here until I open the door and come downstairs, like in the movies.” You nodded at y/f/n and waved bye to her brother, whose mouth was still hanging open. She ran down the marble stairs to the entrance, motioning for you to hide. “By the way, I get tons of women,” Mingi whispered to you. You shrieked, turning around, only to directly face him. He made a face at you, quickly shushing you. “Dude, you’re about to ruin the surprise for Lee Felix.” “Mingi, I swear to god,-” you glanced at y/f/n, who was opening the door, “I’ll deal with you later.” “Alright. I guess I’ll just see you at the party.” His footsteps grew quieter as he went into his room. You registered his words a second too late. Of course, he was coming. “Y/n, are you ready?” y/f/n called out. “Yeah, I’m coming down,” you yelled back. You adjusted your dress and stepped down onto the staircase, making direct eye contact with Felix, whose eyes became saucers. You felt yourself blush as a slow, astonished smile spread across his face. You walked towards him, now at the base of the stairs. He held up a bouquet of jasmine flowers, fragrant and tied with a delicate pink ribbon. Y/f/n grabbed it and smiled at you, shoving you out the door. “Have fun, I’ll take care of the flowers for you. Call me if you need me.” She waved at you and then smiled and nodded at Felix, who held his hand out to you. “Bye y/f/n,” you called out over your shoulder, before stepping into the back of a limousine. Felix closed the door and then climbed in on the other side. He kept glancing over at you in the car, instilling a feeling of nervousness in you. You turned your head to look at him and saw his expression shift to something extremely unreadable. “So, are the rest of the guys there yet?” “I’m-,” he laughed nervously, “I’m not actually sure.” His low voice seemed to be rising by the second. You laughed despite yourself and saw a slow blush appear above his freckles. “Felix, calm down, it’s just me. Speaking of which, why didn’t you just ask Changbin to this thing?” He shook his head, laughing, and then sat back. “Well, I was going to ask him, but I kept thinking about this one girl. She’s incredible, by the way. Smart, funny, absolutely gorgeous-” he trailed off, staring at you. “Why didn’t you just ask her then?” you said, not catching on. A flicker of jealousy crossed your features. “Well, I guess she isn’t as smart as I thought,” he said, smirking, waiting for you to catch on. When he saw your blank face, he sighed, “It’s you, stupid.” You flushed again and then turned the other way, watching the streetlights pass by. “When did Felix Lee become so slick?” “Honey, I was always slick. This is just the first time you’ve noticed.” “Well, I got asked by this guy. To the same party that we’re headed to. He’s kind of lame though. He always dances to Fortnite music in public, and sometimes he sounds like a mosquito.” “Wow, he sounds like a loser.” The corners of your mouth lifted. “He’s actually amazing.” His eyes flicked down to your lips as he brought your face closer to his. “You should’ve said yes to him then.” You closed your eyes in anticipation, whispering, “I did.” The driver opened the partition, “Sorry to interrupt sir, we’re here.” You flew away from Felix, blushing. He coughed and then nodded at the driver, who closed the partition. “We’ll try again later, but for now, welcome to the party.” A man opened the door, helping you out of the car. You carefully stepped onto the pavement, with Felix right behind you. He held his arm out, and you took it as he led you up the stairs into the mansion. The doors were clad with security, and you glanced at them before entering.

“Biggest party of the year means unwanted attention. They’re keeping the press out,” Felix whispered into your ear. You nodded at him and continued walking into the mansion. Bright chandeliers illuminated a lavish foyer. A castle-like staircase with an ornate railing and wide marble steps spiraled upwards near the left side of the room. Felix continued into the next room, which was full of people mingling and laughing. He tapped the shoulder of a tall red-faced man, who turned and yelled exuberantly.

“Felix, you finally came,” he said, quite loudly.

“Ah, JYP PDnim, yes, we just arrived.”

“We?” he turned to look at you and then nodded in understanding, switching over to English, “Oh, hello, please enjoy the party.”

“Thank you for letting me come,” you said back, laughing nervously.

“Wow, Felix never told us that his girlfriend was this beautiful,” a man beside JYP said. The men standing around him laughed good-naturedly. You glanced up at him and forced a smile, giggling uncomfortably. His skin was flawless, but you could tell that he was significantly older than you. Felix could sense that you wanted to leave the group, so he bowed and explained that he wanted to find Chan, to which JYP nodded and waved him off.

“Like I don’t know she’s beautiful,” he muttered under his breath while he led you away, grasping your hand tightly. Your face heated up as he slowed to a stop.

“Felix, we’ve been waiting for you for over an hour. Hyunjin’s nowhere to be found and Chan passed out from exhaustion. I carried him to a bedroom and tucked him in because we all know I have a heart of gold. But dude, I don’t know if I can handle Jeongin anymore. Seungmin ditched me to dance with Daehwi, which totally didn’t hurt my feelings but whatever. Woojin and Minho are trying to calm Jeongin down right now,” Jisung’s eyes reflected horror.

“Jisung,” Felix said, grasping his shoulders, “where is Changbin?”

You glanced at Jisung, who looked at you and mirrored your blank expression. “He’s looking for Hyunjin, or at least that’s what I think.”

“He’ll survive Felix. Knowing him and Hyunjin, I’d say they wouldn’t want to be disturbed right now.”

Felix looked at you with the most deadpan face you’d ever seen in your life.

“Okay, go look for him with Jisung. I’ll try to find Jeongin or something.”

Felix nodded, grabbing Jisung’s arm and running out of the room. Jisung looked back at you and waved. I think I’m sharing Felix with Changbin. You shook your head and laughed, and then walked further into the hall, trying to find someone you knew. It occurred to you that Jeongin was probably where the food was since he usually got hyper after eating, but you decided to check on Chan first. Then you’d try to find Mingi and hit up the food with the rest of his members. Plan in mind, you returned to the foyer and went up the stairs. After getting lost ten times, you returned to the stairs and tried a different hallway. A doorway at the end of the hall was illuminated, and you turned the handle carefully, before glancing in. You weren’t about to barge in on anything you didn’t need to see. Luckily, a sleeping Chan was on the floor next to a bed. This idiot fell off the bed. He’s lucky he’s cute. You sighed, reaching down and carrying him onto the bed. The sudden movement caused him to wake up and reflexively punch you in the face. You dropped him instantly, avoiding his hand. He screamed, loudly, and then peeked up at you, turning a bright shade of red.

“I just-,”

“Yeah.”

“And you saw the whole thing.”

“Yeah.” You giggled, covering your mouth hastily. His face turned redder as he looked away.

“You did not see anything.”

“Hmm, I think I actually did? It started when I came in and-,” he groaned loudly, cutting you off.

“Okay. What do you want?”

“World domination.”

“Okay. What do you want that I can get you?”

“Eunwoo’s number. The one in ASTRO”

“Fine. I’ll try asking JYP to get me in with some world leaders.” You laughed in response, holding out a hand for him. Chan had been one of the first people you had met during an event with his company. He had introduced you to a bunch of idols and always talked about you. He was pretty much the perfect friend, but everyone at his company assumed he was dating you, especially since he was always holding your hand and you were always bringing him food. And the fact that he would always call you to say goodnight, and you would always go to the studio at 2 am with ice cream because he was sacrificing his sleep schedule yet again for work, and that you facetimed him until the early hours of the morning, and that he was always buying you stuffed animals. Felix thought this too (before he had eavesdropped on you explaining to Woojin that no, you were not dating Chan because you had an undeniably massive crush on damn Lee Felix.)

“Thanks,” he said, taking your hand and lifting himself up.

“You look great, by the way. Like an actual girl. Who would’ve thought that y/n could clean up so well, I’m shocked I tell you, absolutel-,” you punched him in the arm and he whimpered. You were glancing around the room and saw a balcony.

“By the way, where are the other guys?”

You looked back at him. “Uh, Seungmin’s dancing, Jeongin’s going crazy, Woojin’s with Minho, Hyunjin and Changbin are bromancing, you’re sleeping, and Felix and Jisung went to get Hyunjin and Changbin. Can we check out the balcony?”

“Yeah, sure. We gotta go calm Jeongin down after.”

“Deal.”

“Actually, meet me near the backdoor in five minutes, and I’ll show you something cool.”

“Alright. I’ll make this bed and catch up.” You waved at him, and he exited the room. It took a couple of minutes to actually fix the bed, but it didn’t look as good as it could have. You struggled with it for a few more minutes, but gave up and left the bedroom. Walking back to the stairs, you could have sworn someone was following you, but no one was behind you. You turned back around again, feeling increasingly nervous. Heart pounding, you made it to the top of the stairs.

“Y/n, is it not?” You whirled around at the sound of a voice. A man was sitting on a sofa, leafing through a magazine. It was the guy who had been standing near JYP earlier. Was he the one following me? You couldn’t move or respond, startled to the core.

He blinked a few times, and then put his magazine down and uncrossed his legs, standing up. “Sorry to have startled you. I’m Mr. Park, maybe you know me from that one movie?” You shook your head, still feeling restless. “Oh, well, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, of course, Mr. Park.”

“You know, y/n, for a foreigner, you’re very pretty.”

You had to get out of this conversation. The fact that no one was coming upstairs was scaring you, and being alone with him was creating a tight feeling in your chest. “Thank you, Mr. Park.”

He smiled, nodding. “Actually, I was wondering whether-,” you cut him off. “Um, sorry, could I talk to you later? I’m supposed to catch up with someone.”

You saw irritation cross over his face, but he said nothing as you left him with a quiet sorry and began down the stairs. However, when you got to the bend, you felt his hand close around your shoulder. You looked back at him, and his face was devoid of the smile he had shown you only a few minutes earlier.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to deny me what I want, y/n.”

“What?” You shoved his hand off, but he grabbed your wrists instead.

“Sluts don’t get to decide for themselves.”

“Excuse me?”

“You came in here with an improper dress, and slept with an idol.”

“Slept with an idol? I fucking beg your pardon?”

“I saw Bang Chan coming out of the room you went into.”

“What the hell, I was taking care of my friend.”

“Filthy whore, stop lying to me-,” he was losing his patience, trying to drag you back upstairs.

“What the hell are you doing? Get your fucking hands off of her.” You turned in the direction of the voice, seeing Mingi at the base of the stairs. He ran up towards you and pulled the man’s hands off your wrists.

“Dude, what the hell do you think you were doing?”

“Mingi, it’s fine. Let’s go.” You took his hand, pleading with him. He looked down at you and sighed heavily.

“Fine,” but he turned his head and grimaced at the man before following you down. “It’s men like that who end up in hell. Fucking scum of the earth.”

“Shut up, he can hear you,” you hissed in desperation.

“That’s the point. I swear y/n, why does shit like this always happen? You need to take care of yourself. Loser.�� He threw the last bit in and you glared at him.

“Well, I’m sorry. But god, that was pretty... scary.” He glanced over at you when you said the last part, falling quiet. Then he took off his jacket and threw it at you. You shrieked, trying to save your makeup by shielding your face.

“Wear this. It’s cold. And go find Felix, why’d he even leave you alone? Is he with Changbin or something?”

You slipped the jacket around your shoulders and sighed, “Does everyone know about it?”

His laugh echoed in the foyer, “Nah, but Wooyoung told me that he and Changbin were talking about how Felix might actually like him more than he likes you.”

“God, Changbin’s always trying to make me jealous, isn’t he?”

“Of course, we love him for that. Now, can we please go get something to eat?”

“What, were you looking for me?”

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He grinned widely, earning an eye roll from you.

“I mean, I’m glad you came. Now let’s go to the food. Where’s it at?” You started walking into the main hall, not seeing the rosy color rising on Mingi’s face. He exhaled, following you.

“Y/n, where the hell were you?” Chan jumped onto you out of nowhere, clinging to your side. You screamed, extremely startled, and fell backward onto Mingi, who flailed for a second and then toppled over.

“Why are you all on the floor?” Wooyoung and the guys appeared in a circle around the three of you.

“Why are you with Stray Kids is the real question we should be asking.” Yeosang and the rest of Ateez was standing next to Wooyoung.

38 notes · View notes