#i need the sanderson sisters house so bad

[chrispineofficial]

legos are a crazy expensive hobby. unfortunately! they did get me 😔

[sawyerconfort]

Juliet To Your Juliet | Sarah Sanderson x Fem!Reader

This one counts for my spooky season special also ;)

Okay, this account is officially a multifandom account, guys, sorry hahahahaha

So I was watching Hocus Pocus yesterday and I immediately fell in love with Sarah. That's when that old quest started to look for imagines around here to be able to read, and I realized that we have few stories with her.

So I thought: well, since my profile is full of aloto imagines, and my followers probably can't take it anymore, I think it might be nice to try out a new character. And since all the characters that I start to like out of nowhere always get imagines, it wouldn't be different with Sarah, right?

Here it is, a super cute (and kind of sad) imagine with the best of the Sanderson sisters (and that's not open for debate).

Enjoy!

Got any request? Send me an ask!

Prompt: What price to pay when you fall in love with an immortal witch?

* * *

Sarah knew it would be impossible for such a thing, but she believed in the destination and wanted it to take care of the situation. She believed that after 300 years, her corrupted soul still had salvation. And salvation inevitably would be falling in love with someone like you.

Someone human, someone who had a pure and beating heart, someone who smelled of kindness. That alone could be able to change the heart of a witch created to be the monster she was.

But Sarah knew that, as much as she tried, loving you was impossible for numerous factors: she was bad, you were good. She was immortal, you could get older. She couldn't get out in the sun, you could burn your skin.

And especially, her sisters would never approve such a love. Also, you were at the moment their main prey.

At night, Sarah was going to be a witch again, riding her broom and went out singing in search of children to be young, and when her sisters were distracted enough with those small little creatures, following them mesmerized, she took the opportunity to turn around and watch you sleeping at home, in the tranquility of being a deadly person and no problem. That made Sarah sad because she knew that at some point in your life, the days of you would be told.

* * *

"I already hath decided on," Winnie said on a troubled night at the Sanderson sisters' house. “today shall beest the day at which hour we shall becometh imm'rtal and quite quaint, mine own sist'rs!” She walked around, watching the spell book with caution. "let's wend out f'r hunting, and alloweth's wend backeth with one of Salem's most quite quaint girls!"

Sarah was listening to everything with a pertinent animation, because she loved to go out with her sisters to hunt, loved to sing and bewritten the children. But as soon as Winnie mentioned the most beautiful girl, her expression changed, from radiant, to surprise.

She knew this day would come, she just didn't knew it would be anytime soon.

“Sarah, what is wrong? Aren't thee coming?”Mary asked, her dog-painted eyes and the keen bearing to see if she could smell a problem with her sister. She was grabbing her broom, while Winnie was already outside. But Sarah remained stopped, petrified.

"Thee wend," she said in a sad whisper.

"Ah, please!" Winnie returned to the house, holding Sarah by the arm abruptly. "we needeth thee and thy voice, sarah, what is this bullshit?"

She swallowed hard. "You’ll did hurt h'r, wonneth't thee?"

“It's for her good and for our good, my sister!” The oldest shouted, exultant. "Let's look beautiful and young for all eternity!"

Sarah sighed.

Winnie gave her no choice. She needed to go, or would dishonor her sisters. Sarah set up in her broom and gave boost so that she fly over the sky. With the characteristic cry of Winnie, she began to chant the usual song, smelling the children approaching. And she passed the window where you were standing, awake.

Sarah despaired, but she knew she couldn't stop singing. She thought of landing at your bedroom window and closing the window, just so that her voice stopped and stuffy, so you wouldn't fall into the spell. But it was too risky, you didn't even know each other yet. And it was inevitable, you needed to fall into the Sanderson sisters' spell, or the plan would fail.

A few seconds later, you were flying over the bedroom, your feet landing on the floor and walking out of the house. Sarah waited until you arrived outside to go down the broom and grasp you abruptly. She held you in her arms and smelled the life of you, the smell of good feelings, regretting what she would do.

“I won't let them hurt tee,” she whispered, holding you, taking the words while you were hypnotized. "Never," she promised, giving one more impulse and loosening the touch to her body, not to hurt you.

* * *

When you first opened your eyes, you were tied in a chair. You tried to move your body to prove that you couldn't get out and widened your eyes when you saw the scenario ahead of you. It was the house of sisters Sanderson, the most famous witches in Salem.

The smell of smoke flooded your nose and made you even more confused, and the will you had to scream was present when three ugly sisters approached, with even uglier and horrifying smiles.

One of them, the tall blonde, looked at you with a little more affection.

“Is the lucky rat tail there?” The redhead witch, Winnie, asked her high blonde sister Sarah. "because thee shall needeth that gent..." and a harmful laugh has invaded your ears. "Now, my dear, what is your lovely name?"

"(Y\N) ..." you replied, stuttering. “Will you let me get out of here? I thought you just wanted to get children, not adults like you! ”

Winnie gave one more giggle. “Yeah, we prefer, you know? It has a better taste. But this is a special occasion, my dear.” She turned to Sarah. "Please, my dear Sarah, do the honors... you suck her life and beauty first."

"What?" You and Sarah said in unison. Mary laughed, although it seems a little scared than Winnie. “You can't do that!” You defended yourself. "Spear my life, I promise I won't be intruding with you anymore, I swear for my life!"

"Sarah, now!" Winnie shouted.

She knelt in front of you, a sad look adorning her expression, and then squeezed your cheeks with both hands, closing her eyes.

She pouted her lips, ready to suck your life.

You closed your eyes too, ready to accept your fate.

And then suddenly Sarah buried her head on your legs, sobbing.

"I can't do that ..." she whispered, more to herself than for the sisters. "I ..." Sarah looked up, staring at you and still holding your cheeks. "I would rather die than let thee go ..."

"What are you doing, Sarah?" Winnie shouted. "Take her life!"

"No!" Sarah shouted, and purple rays traveled to Sanderson's house, destroying the nearest objects. "I love her! I'm in love with (Y\N), and I won't bear to lose her.”

Your eyes widened. A witch? In love with you?

"I can't kill her, sisters, I'm sorry." When you least waited, Sarah left the house, and you fought against the more loose strings thanks to the radius of the blonde witch, freeing yourself and going after her. "Go back, (Y\N), please get back, or they will kill me too."

“Then we'll die both together,” you said, suddenly holding her hand. You didn't know why you were doing it, but you could feel that something was pulsing in your heart by Sarah Sanderson. Always pulsed.

"Don't do that, please ..." she asked, and turning to you, took your lips in an unexpected kiss. A few countless seconds later, she broke the kiss. “Please don't get things worse for me. Run. Run away and never return to Salem. Find a way to disappear. ”

"Are you coming with me?" You whispered. "If I escape, will you run away too?"

"The sun will rise..." Sarah whispered, absorbed. “Our love is impossible, (Y\N), and I wouldn't want to turn your life into a mistake because of me. Escape. Escape from Salem, and I promise that if I have a second chance, I shall find thee again. Even if thee get older and get white hair, I shall find thee and make thee know that I don't give up on us. ”

She kissed you once more. "I shall loveth thee f'r all et'rnity, (Y\N). " she promised, and then let you go.

* * *

Twenty-nine years had passed since the last appearance of sisters Sanderson in Salem. And of course time had passed to you too. You never heard of Sarah again, but she tried to change her life and settle away from Salem, as she had asked you.

That gave you huge treasures. Including your daughter, Becca.

And now, you were back, in the middle of Halloween, and she had gotten real friends to be able to live in the new city. You were happy for her, but you couldn't stop suffering from the memories that went and came because of that city.

"Mom?" Becca called suddenly surprising you. "We have guests."

"Of course, honey ..." you exclaimed, smiling. "Come in! I'm in the living room! ”

Becca came in, as you had asked, and you didn't even have the job of turning your head to face those who followed it. I thought it was the two friends who always walked with her.

"Mom, you won't believe it!" Your daughter said, looking excited. And then you turned, staring at the sisters' curious looks for the first time after twenty-nine years. "We light the candle!"

Sarah returned her eyes, shocked, and let a smile escape her lips when she recognized you. She didn't seem disturbed, not even hurt by all that. She was only happy, because after years of suffering, she had finally fulfilled her promise and found you.

She had found a way to find you, as she promised she would do.

[blackflamemax]

inspired  by  : max dennison (hocus pocus) / & added inspo ! tbd.

full name. maximillian dennison / faceclaim. charlie gillespie / dob. 16 may / zodiac. taurus / occupation. tbd. / birthplace. los angeles, ca. / orientation. idk, bisexual probably / song. tbd / film. karate kid / education. high school / temperament. phlegmatic / mbti. estp   / alignment. tbd / abilities. lighting candles ig / hogwarts house. gryffindor / emoji. ( 🕯️ )

present !

10.19.22: honestly, max is just trying to make it through the holiday season without something else bad happening. just give him a break. all he really wants is to vibe for a bit without having to figure out how to get rid of the sanderson sisters. he has spent so much time trying to find a way to solve his problems that he really does need a small break. or like. so he thinks.

past !

moving: max had everything before he was forced to move from his sunny california city to hallow falls. did he want to move? no. especially not in his senior year of high school. but it wasn’t his decision and he was allowed to mope about it. he was used to the vast variety of people in california, not the strange and unusual people who believed in witches in hallow falls. since his opinion on the holiday was much different than everyone else’s, he stuck out like a sore thumb. everyone in town knew it.

magic isn’t real: he’d be the first to tell you that witches weren’t real. the first to believe that the sanderson sisters weren’t real. he wasn’t afraid of his opinion, even if he was one of the few people in his town, and even his own sister was one to believe in the myths. so he did what anyone would do and he made fun of those people to a degree. max was arrogant and haughty about his opinion, instead of maybe believing that it could possibly be real.

the cabin: the night the sanderson sisters escaped, dani did what she did best and threw a fit to get him to go trick or treating with him. honestly, max knew that dani could go by herself, but she got her way that night and max followed his sister around, that night. only for it to turn out just alright when they knocked on his crush, allison’s door. after that, the three of them headed to the cabin where the sanderson sisters were supposed to have lived. 

black flame candle: of course it was hubris that max light the candle thinking that nothing would happen. he didn’t believe in witches and he was going to prove that they weren’t real. but the second he lit the candle, he knew that something was wrong. he was wrong. he knew he had been wrong. when the sanderson sisters appeared, max knew that he was wrong about his opinions. that dani and allison were right. or well, he didn’t think that right away. it wasn’t until a cat turned into a human that he truly believed it. but of course by then it was too late. the sanderson sisters were out, free, and planning on hurting children.

fixing the problem: so now, he’s on a whirlwind mission with his small ragtag group of people to fix the problem that he created by lighting that black flame candle. 

family: only max is allowed to tease dani. his family is important to him, even if he doesn’t say it that often enough. with what he’s going through, max is going to protect his sister and make sure that nothing bad ever happens to dani. he won’t tell her that, but that’s the only reason that he’s going after the sanderson sisters. also he really doesn’t want blood on his hands if they do start hurting children. but mostly, it’s for his sister. 

future !

obviously max needs to learn more about magic in order to defeat the sanderson sisters and save the children. he’s been proven wrong about magic, so he’s got to fix his mistake even if he doesn’t want to. part of this is going to have to be him learning to trust those around him and admit that he’s not always right. unfortunately, he’s not much of a research man. he’s a plan man, so he will leave the studying to allison and dani and help with coming up with ideas on getting rid of the sanderson sisters. so yes, eventually, it would be nice to fix the problem he solved, but it’s going to take effort.

max needs to learn to be more articulate with his feelings, including how he feels about his sister. it’d be nice to explore these sorts of feelings with other characters as well. he probably does think it’s obvious that he cares for his sister, but to the outsider, it probably doesn’t look that way. and it’s not that obvious to dani. it is something that he needs to work on. 

he needs to learn that he can be wrong. period. lighting the candle is the start of him learning this, but future plan is that he really learns that sometimes he doesn’t know what’s best and sometimes he needs to listen to people that are smarter than him and that’s okay. he doesn’t have to be the smartest person in the room or the one that knows everything. sometimes believing in the magic is just as important as proving that it doesn’t exist. it’s not exactly nice to make fun of people who don’t believe in the same thing that he does. so maybe he just needs to let people think what they want to about magic and leave it be. 

taken connections !

binx — the one that used to be a cat? 

georgette — friend

wanted connections !

dani

the sanderson sisters

allison

idk someone other than allison that tries to get him into halloween.

he needs a job.

someone to help him learn more about magic.

friends.

a bully. 

just someone in general that makes fun of his opinions. 

someone that can help him figure out what he’s doing with his life.

[korvidian]

So I watched Hocus Pocus 2...

(This contains spoilers if you care)

Hocus Pocus 2 is... a very confusing movie in terms of what it's going for. It was way too meta/self referential I think, like I really hate the whole looking into the camera and winking at the audience thing so many sequels do. Like it's all 'ohh sisterhood is the most important thing <3' but also like. They have killed so so many people and done fucked up things over several centuries now? But also we got New Witches who are Good™ now (boring!! I know it's disney but Boo!!!!)

Plot's straightforward enough, but I feel like they really needed the new coven to be likeable ultra good girl witches, so they cut out like all the Satan-granted-magic-powers parts and like. The ending where the Sanderson sisters all disappear into glitter dust after Winnie chooses her sisters over her magic really should have had them all going back into the firy abyss of Hell at least, which they did kind of emerge from at the start

I think Becca and her friends should get to use this skin-bound hell grimoire to do fucked up witch stuff like how do you just go back to American public high school on Monday morning when you could like. Turn conservatives into rats or something?

Also at one point I thought Billy Butcherson was gonna make out with the magic store guy. Thought Disney was gonna pull the 'here's our first™ BISEXUAL™ character™' card with Billy Butcherson or have him be like 'I could hear Salem Pride parades from my grave and realised I could now be an out and proud queer man despite being dead' for like. The few minutes he was on screen before being killed off

Also the magic store guy is like, really the weirdest character here he's fascinating tbh I want to study him like a bug. He straight up tricked a bunch of teen girls for some reason into bringing back witches who he stanned enough to make a candle from the flesh of a hanged man and dedicated his life to for no reason other than he saw them flying around and then dying in a cemetery when he was like 8?

He ran a magic shop out of their old house and held onto their fucked up skin book for 30 years (and made a bunch of copies to sell). Also apparently he knew the legend about the black flame candle needing to be lit by a virgin but didn't hold off on fucking someone so he could light the thing himself? Also couldn't just get pretty much any child he scared in his store to light it as a haha funny scary joke? He thought the Sanderson sisters were misunderstood somehow between all their child eating and boy-to-cat transformation and the whole swearing to destroy Salem etc stuff. This guy is so fucked up I wanted more of him tbh

The witch mother at the start who just... doesn't appear again in the movie, but is the bad CGI red winged blackbird flying around apparently? She looked cool but we learned nothing about her or her time with the Sanderson sisters also thought she was supposed to have died since that seemed very strongly to be the reaction in the first movie? But maybe she faked her death to get away from Winnie idk

Almost feels like they want to make a tv series out of this but I doubt it

The musical numbers and costumes were good and fun at the very least, and I'm glad the original actresses got to ham it up again, they really did do a good job

[mitigatingacademics]

{12.25.23}

Merry Christmas, friends. 🎄

This year truly reminded me why I enjoy working the holidays.

Despite baking copious cookies, offering up Party Perks full of slow cooker hot cocoa (they're not made for that...have you ever tried to clean one after it's been used for something it's not made for? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣) and dressing like an elf for the past four Christmas Eves, it's been hit and miss.

In 2020 we only had two trains and half the crews due to Covid furloughs. Last year we were blasted by winter weather so severe that I came back from my annual December vacation (for baking) to 3 nights without trains and finally, at least, 2 on Christmas Eve.

Last year's (workplace) Christmas was even harder than 2020's, to be honest. With the Covid cuts we knew what to expect. Fav co-worker was at a down-line station and we sent each other gifts on the train. One of my favorite Conductors was furloughed -- I actually took her gift to her house and got to see her extensive Christmas village set-up and gorgeous real tree. We adjusted.

Last year's arctic blast was unanticipated (at least beyond a few days out) and we were left, more or less, with our hands tied as to options and little else to do but apologize and feel bad.

To put it into perspective -- this year's company official ugly sweater says 'Getting You Home For The Holidays' ...which is exactly what we were NOT doing last year. 😔

This year, fully staffed and 60 degrees (which I admit I also complained about a bit, but...less -- the sweet spot is, failing a dusting of our own, being able to chisel a piece of a white Christmas off the New York train and hold it in your hand -- I'm not kidding, see below from my first Christmas at this station 😂 ) spirits were festive and good times were had.

It felt right and I'm very grateful.

White Christmas 2018 be like:

Favorite and most meaningful gifts this year include:

From Mom (selected by me).

I also received two books by Rachel Maddow and a whole-ass desk situation (I've needed a desk for so long, I can't wait to get everything put together and arranged!).

When Jamie's book arrived:

Mom: Who is Jamie Raskin?

Me: He's a Congressional Representative from Maryland. ... He was on the J6 Committee.

Mom: Of course he was. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Me: He's also an incredibly intelligent and articulate professor of Constitutional Law? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Dad gave generously in the form of gift cards, several of which are for Amazon and will undoubtedly go towards more books.

You can never have too many books. 📚

From fav co-worker.

I'm no longer holding a (selfish and inappropriate) grudge against her for bidding off the regular that had us working together 3 nights a week. She had her reasons and, as I told her the first time she brought it up (though it took a hot second to get over myself and actually mean it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂); I hope it helps in the way she thinks it will.

Even when we're not working together multiple nights a week, she still knows me better than just about anyone these days. These items are just a few from a huge bag of individually wrapped thoughtfulness.

I love Harry Potter in Dutch more than I could possibly explain.

Once I get through the Feb. LSAT (decided we're sticking with that one, for better or worse -- last night and tonight are the first nights since my last real post that I haven't spent at least an hour with Brad Barbary 😂), I want to get back to practicing Dutch (and French) for more than just keeping my Duolingo streak alive.

Inspiring Women Fisher-Price Little People edition is equally amazing. I'd never even seen this set (and I love it!) but also, I now have a 'collection' of these items so the next time Amazon tries to sell me the Sanderson Sisters or Golden Girls I don't have to worry about starting yet another collection. ...it was done for me! 🤣

It goes without saying that Sweet Liz telling the world, in a best-selling memoir which will undoubtedly be instrumental in the way that she's remembered far into the future, that the GOP is led by morons, is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.

Beyond my unending appreciation for the commendable sass with which Liz so articulately expresses herself, I am truly and seriously so grateful for the time and effort she put into not only the things that she's done, but the book she wrote about it.

I was asking for a book before its existence was announced, it had a great deal to live up to in my mind, anticipation aside, and it went above and beyond. Full review to follow (I'm almost done with my notes).

I have an incredibly blessed life and I am very grateful.

[kinsey3furry300]

A very confused Star Wars Fan desperately tries to justify their belief that “Caravan of Courage” shows the way forward for the franchise. No, really.

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved Star Wars. And I mean, all of it. The books, the games, the Lego, the spin-offs: I even enjoy the Holiday Special in a The Room so-bad-you-just-need-to-see-it sort of way.  But particularly the films. But here is when we run into the big problem: I’m just the wrong age. The original trilogy launched before I was born, the prequel trilogy hit cinemas when I was already a teen and while I went and saw them and enjoyed them, I was at that age where I was self-conscious about seeing a “kids” film, and hyper-aware of how silly and cringy those films were in parts. So my indoctrination, my inoculation with the Star Wars bug didn’t happen in the cinema, and it didn’t happen with any of the main franchise works. It happened on home video, on a skiing trip in the French Alps in the early 90’s. I’d have been about 6, and this was the first time I’d ever been abroad other than to see relatives in Ireland.  And I loved it: to this day I love skiing, but more than that, I have very, very fond childhood memories of this trip. This was shortly before I lost my biological mother to cancer, she’d have received her diagnosis just after we got back from the trip. This was when my younger sister stopped being an annoying screaming thing and became and became an actual person I could talk and play and share ideas with, this was before the combination my mothers long illness and my father having just launched his own IT start up meant I didn’t see him or her any more, despite the fact they were in the same house as me. This was this wonderful, nostalgic child-hood bubble when my family was intact, and nothing could ever go wrong. I skied all day with mum and dad, and would come back to the chalet in the evening. It was an English speaking chalet, I met my first real-life American there, and having grown up in the 90’s in the UK nothing was cooler than making friends with an actual American my own age. He had a hulk Hogan action figure with springs in the legs so if you put him on a hard surface and punched his head down, when you let go he’d jump really high in the air. We used to play with it together in the bath, back in that weird 90’s time-bubble when it was possible to convince two sets of parents that this kid you’d just met was you best friend in the world and of course shared bath time was, somehow, normal and appropriate. And fresh from bath time, tired from the day, the parents would give us some hot coco, dump us kids in front of the tv and grab the first shitty low-budget VHS they could find to keep us distracted while they went to the bar. In this particular time, in this particular place, that shitty low budget cartoon was the  complete set of the 1985 Lucasfilm/ABC Ewoks cartoon, plus the two spin off movies, and to this day that cheap, kitschy, kind of bad series has a special warm and cosy place in my heart. I remember being enthralled by the world, in love with the characters, applied by the bad guys and the injustice they caused (to this day I’m still irate about that time Wicket lost his set of beads documenting his progress towards becoming a full warrior and the older Ewoks basically said, tough, you need to re-earn all those merit badges from scratch. This struck me as exactly the sort of bullshit an adult would pull, and pissed me off) and on tenterhooks about what would happen to the characters.

It was also, by a coincidence, the first ever Star Wars media I was exposed to, and the above combination of events probably explains a lot about me.

So I was surprised, the other day, when scrolling Disney+, to find they’d added Caravan of Courage AND Battle for Endor to the roster in my region. Surely Disney wouldn’t want their slick, cool brand associated with this old trash? Surely there could be no place for this in the post-Mandalorian Star Wars cannon? Surely this is a horrible mistake some intern made, right?

Unless…. What if I’ve miss-remembered? What if it’s not just rose-tinted nostalgia goggles, and it’s, in fact, secretly really, really good?

I rushed to my comfy chair, got a blanket, dimmed the lights, made some coco (with rum in it, because why the hell not?) and sat down to re-examine this lost gem.

And wow: it’s every bit as shit as you’d expect.

It has aged exactly as poorly as you’d expect a cheap, mid 80’s direct to video spin-off to age. Caravan of Courage? More like Caravan of Garbage, am I right?

And yet… I still enjoyed every moment.

And it was sitting there, in my pyjamas, watching a cheaply made direct to video cash-grab from just before I was born, seeing it again for the first time in nearly 30 years, and I realised something.

It doesn’t really matter if this film is bad, so long as I enjoy it. And if it doesn’t really mater if this is bad, then I, like many Star Wars fans, wasted a huge amount of time and emotional effort on being butthurt about stuff I didn’t like about the Rise of Skywalker and it’s ilk. Because somewhere, right now, a tired and frustrated parent is putting Disney+ on to keep their kids quiet for two hours. And they won’t think too hard about what they put on, so long as it keeps little Timmy busy for a bit. Somewhere, right now, a kid is watching Rise of Skywalker, and it’s the first Star Wars media they’ve ever seen.

And that’s okay. Because we don’t know what that kids home life is like. We don’t know if it’s good or bad. Maybe it’s great, maybe it’s about to take a dramatic plunge like mine did, and this moment here will be the cosy, warm memory they look back on in 30 years time, and that’s beautiful.  They’re getting introduced to a fun, wonderful fantasy world that could be with them all their lives, through good times and bad, and as fans we should be happy about that.

Star Wars will never, die: it’s too darn profitable, Disney will never let it. And while I hope they learn from their mistakes and make sure every future Star Wars is a timeless gem of story-telling, statistically, if you keep making enough films, some of them will be bad. And while I’d like them all to be great, it’s still okay if they’re bad.

Because nothing can take away my memories of that week in that chalet. Nothing can take-away my memories of when they put the original trilogy on in cinemas for the special edition and I had my jaw hit the floor with how good it was on the big screen, not knowing or caring who shot first. Nothing can take away you memories of the Original Trilogy, the Prequels, or the Clone Wars. Nothing can tarnish the bits of the sequil trilogy that you like, and there are good bits in there.

But wait, what about continuity? What about the sacred, perfect written time-line that used to exist?

Well, what about it? Have you seen any other big, epic fantasy universe before? They’re all a mess. A work of fiction, particularly fantasy, can be extensive, or tightly written, but not both. Harry Potter is only seven books, and the last two feel, tonally, like they’re from an entirely different series. I love them, but the grim-dark kicked in so fast you’ll get whiplash. The Hobbit is a perfect written self-contained novel, and LOTR is *The* big boy high-fantasy trilogy: fast forward 50 years, and Christopher Tolkien is desperately squeezing every last drop of money out of his father’s corpse by finishing and publishing every unfinished note JRR ever wrote right down to his shopping lists. Even Dune goes of the rails with sequels. I can only think of four fantasy works that are both extensive and consistently tightly written, Song of Ice and Fire, Wheel of Time, Malazan: Book of the Fallen and Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere universe. And even then, the prequels and spin-offs mess with the timelines: the Dunk and Egg novella’s change some character’s canonical ages and timelines, Wheel of Time was going slowly off the rails even before the Jordan died, Forge of Darkness made what was a good metaphor for the creation of it’s world into a literal war deep in the past, and Sanderson’s first Novel Elantris got a re-write to bring it more in line with the rest of the shared universe. The MCU, oft held up as the modern example of tightly planned, well thought out ongoing storytelling, is a lie: it was never as pre-planned out as Disney wants us to think; the first Iron Man, apparently, barely had a script, with Downey ad-lib-ing most of his scenes. None of the MCU films are direct sequels to each-other other than Infinity war and Endgame. There are three Iron Man films, and Three Thor films, and none continue an ongoing story line across multiple films, and the Cap films barely continue an arc, but only where Cap’s relationship with Natasha and Bucky is involved.  Much like these, Star War’s cannon is a complete, nightmarish, confusing, tangled, illogical mess. And it has been since 1984, as Caravan of Courage proves. It was never consistent and well planned.

And that’s okay.

I used to care about plot holes. I used to care about which works were cannon in Star Wars lore. I’m over that now. I’m happy to imagine the books, films and games not as a blow-by-blow historical account of a galaxy far far away, but as campfire stories from within this fun, imaginative world that we’re all invited to listen to. Stories that are in-universe myth and folklore, that we can all snuggle up and listen to while drinking highly alcoholic rum and remembering better times, knowing that wherever the future throws at us, no matter how the world goes to hell around us, we’ll still have the memories, and the ability to make our own new stories in the wonderful Star Wars world we all share.

And that’s okay. No, more than that: that’s beautiful.

Also Star Wars is completely unambiguous on the fact we’re allowed to kill fascists no matter how many times they keep coming back with a new logo, so that’s timely I guess.

So, there’s my hot take two-years after everyone else stopped caring about this stuff, as per bloody usual. Tell me why I’m wrong below, and does anyone else have any truly awful spin-off shows that they kind of have a nostalgic soft spot for?

[harringrovetrashrat]

(We discussed this a lot in the discord, so props to the gang for this.  A group effort, it was.  Here are my musings about that Hocus Pocus AU.  Tagging @ihni and @pondermoniums just uh,,, cuz y’all were interested in this kinda thing 👀)

So obviously Billy is Max and Max is Dani (lol).  Like, obviously.

And they’ve moved and Billy is just over it because this town is boring, these people are boring, and who takes Halloween this seriously anymore besides fucking nerds and kids?  A whole town being into it?  Like, what fucking even.

And witches???  Really???  Fucking please.  Billy knows there’s no such thing.  Knows that these people are just whirled up in some sort of town wide fantasy.  And he definitely says as much.  Gets in trouble for it, too.  But, it does get someone to notice him.

The only thing Billy’s even remotely enjoyed in this town is Steve Harrington.  Rich prep boy with really soft looking hair and big eyes that Billy just wants to stare into for ages and long fingers and that pale skin.  Steve is snickering as Billy gets his talking to, rolling his eyes with a smile when Billy shoots him a wink.

Billy leaves on Halloween ready to hole up at home and ignore everyone and everything, especially his annoying brat of a sister.  Of course, on the way home, he runs into Tommy and Adam.  (Tommy is ICE, I don’t make the rules.)  And they’re all Hey, California, nice jacket/earring/etc.  Billy barely entertains it, considers popping Tommy in the jaw, but instead he just skates home.  Goes up to his room and flops onto the bed.

“Steve,” he murmurs.  “Steve Harrington with the delicious peach.” Billy sighs, dragging his hands over his face.  “And what a peach…”

“Boo!” Max jumps outta his closet and Billy jack knifes on the bed before jerking up, red faced.

“MAX!  I told you not to come in my fucking room!”

“Yeah, whatever.  Mom said you have to take me trick or treating.” Billy scoffs.

“No fucking way.”

“She’s going to a party hosted by the mayor--”

“Don’t care--”

“--And she doesn’t want me to go alone, even though I could--”

“Still don’t care--”

“--And I need someone to carry my haul--”

“How is this my problem?” And Max snaps her mouth shut, glaring, before opening her mouth and,

“MOM!”

(Susan moved Billy and Max here to get away from Neil and that’s that on that mmkay)

Needless to say, Billy has a hoodie under his jacket with the hood pulled up because he cannot be seen carting his sister around to trick or treat.  How lame.  Gets shit from Tommy and Adam, who try to steal Max’s candy, but get a broom to the crotch.  Max ain’t playing around, and while she doesn’t need Billy to protect her, he kinda can’t help it.  Pops one of ‘em in the eye and bolts, Max cackling as she follows him.  And they keep on going, Billy’s hood down now at least, before getting to this massive house with a party.  And Max knocks and Billy stands behind her, staring off, when suddenly,

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. I-Hate-Halloween.” And Billy’s head whips around and Steve is there in some fancy ass Victorian garb all ruffles and coiffed hair and tight fucking breeches--

“Harrington, right?” Cuz Billy’s gotta play it casual.  Gotta be cool.  And Max raises a brow, smirking, as Steve hands her a lollipop and stands there, biting his lip before asking,

“Wanna come in for a bit?  This party is fucking boring.” And Billy isn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.  Max frowns.

“But--”

“I’ll let you take as much candy as you want,” Steve offers, face only lightly flushed.  Max shoots in the house, grabbing fistfuls from the frankly enormous bowl of candy.  Billy steps in, hands in his pockets.  He looks around giving a low whistle.

“Well well, Harrington,” Billy says.  “Fancy ass home you’ve got here.”

“I mean-- It’s my parents’ place.  Technically.” Steve scratches his nose and Max comes over.  “That’s a pretty dope witch costume.”

“Thanks,” she replies.  “I like yours.  Billy likes, now wait,” she hums, licking the lollipop, “What did you call it?  His peach?” And Billy goes red, hissing,

“Maxine!” Whilst Steve is confused as hell.  Max presses on.

“Billy really likes--”

“So, you all really believe in the Sanderson sisters?” Billy says, loud and over Max, who kicks him in the shin while he shoves at her to move away.  Steve just kinda… goes with the flow of these two.

“I mean, yeah.  I’ve been to the museum loads of times, and that book of spells is legitimately the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Steve shuffles a little, glances into the ballroom, before seemingly making up his mind.  “You wanna go?” Billy raises a brow.

“You thinking about breaking in, pretty boy?” His tongue pokes from between his teeth as he grins, ignoring Max rolling her eyes.

“Is it breaking in if I have a key?” Steve smirks.  “My parents technically own it, so…” He shrugs and Billy smiles so he doesn’t do something stupid like say something mushy in front of Max.

“Well, grab that key then, Richie Rich.” And Steve grumbles it’s my parents’ money, jeez before going upstairs.

“I’ll be back in a jiffy.” And once he disappears Max elbows Billy in the gut.

“What the hell, shithead?” Billy hisses.

“You’re so fucking obvious,” she says with a grin.  “Pretty boy?  Like, come on.” And Billy ignores her, thank you.

So they go, and Billy and Steve are flirting almost obnoxiously, and Max is so over it, but when they get to the house, they all kinda feel the weird energy.  Billy of course, keeps trying to play it off.  Keeps being a little shit.  Asks if he should light the candle.

“Come on,” he leers.  “Not like anything’ll happen.”

“I dunno,” Steve replies, biting his lip.

“You’re so gonna summon them, Billy.  You’re a virgin.” And wow Max, no need to call him out like that.  And Billy goes red before flicking open his zippo and lighting the candle.

Which.  Bad idea.

(Now, you can imagine the sisters the same, or as Joyce (Winnie), Karen (Sarah), and Claudia (Mary).  Which ever speaks the most to you.  Cuz then Zombie Billy could be Hopper.  Or Bob if you want I suppose.  I’m going with keeping them the same for now cuz I’m a lazy bastard.

Thackery and Emily are Jonathan and Will, I don’t make the rules.)

ANYWAY

The rest pretty much goes the same, with a lot more teasing between Steve and Billy.  And Max being so over these boys.  Jonathan is too, honestly, and he’s constantly swiping at Billy to get him to stop being an asshole.  Steve thinks it’s cute.  Billy does not.

No one listens to Billy cuz, well, he looks like a delinquent whose gonna make jokes.  Steve’s parents ignore him, and everyone knows it, so obviously he’s probably doing it for attention.  And well, Susan is having fun getting to know a lovely and kind man at the party (maybe this is Bob), so she’s just a lil’ distracted.

When they get to the graveyard, and Sarah tries to flirt with Billy, tries to coerce him into giving them his life force, Steve chucks some rocks, furious and jealous, like the brat he is.  Says,

“You’re barking up the wrong tree, Witch Bitch!” And Billy’s already infatuated, but now he’s in love.  Steve’s got that spark, that fire, and Billy kinda maybe likes a guy who can hold his own.  Billy deals with Winnie, Steve and Max deal with the other two.

At the end, once Zombie Billy’s back in his grave, the witches are gone, kaput, and Jonathan has reunited with will, Steve, Billy, and Max find themselves on a bench, exhausted.  And Max maybe says,

“I’m ready to go home.  Steve, wanna come for breakfast?” And well, it’s not like his parents are gonna be up anytime soon, or will notice him being gone at all, so he says yes.  “Awesome.  Billy makes really good pancakes.  Plus, even though we don’t have a guest room, I’m sure Billy will let you take his bed.”

“Maxine!”

Or well,,,, something like that.

[halloweentv]

Celebrate Halloween time on Disney Plus. You can think of it as your own DIY “Disney’s Halloween Treat”

Halloweentown movie seties

Marnie discovers she is a witch and visits Halloween town while learning more about her powers

Hocus Pocus

The Sanderson sisters come back on Halloween night for revenge.

Mom’s got a date with a Vampire

Adam and his sister set up their mom on a date so they can sneak out. But they didn’t expect her date to be a vampire.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Jack akellington daocovers Christmas and tries to take over.

Frankenweenie (movie & Short)

Victor loses his dog Sparky but brings him back to life with some

Girl Vs. Monster

The daughter of two monster hunters must take on a monster of her own.

The Simpsons

Treehouse of Horror episodes. Every season has an episode early in the season that parodies horror and other pop culture. Classic Halloween specials...at least the first few seasons for sure.

Big Hero 6

s1e22 Obaki Yashiki

Hiro visits a haunted house and keeps seeing Tacashi around the city.

So Weird

S2e07 Boo

On Halloween Fi finds the town they’re in filled with strange trick or treaters.

Suite Life of Zack and Cody

S1e19 Ghost of 613

Zack and Cody find out there is a legendary haunted room in the hotel.

Gravity Falls

S1e7 Summerween

Gravity Falls loves Halloween so much they celebrate it in summer as well.

Phil of the Future

S1e15 Halloween

Debbie is revealed to be an evil cyborg

Even Stevens

S2e11 A very scary story

Louis realizes the kids at school are turning into zombies without eyes.

Lizzie Maguire

S1e24 Night of the Day of the Dead

Kate disrespects Miranda’s artifacts from the Day of the Dead.

Boy Meets World

S2e6 Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf

Cory goes through some changes and he thinks he may be becoming a werewolf.

Lilo & Stitch

S1e5 Spooky

It’s Halloween and an experiment turns people’s worst fears into a reality.

————————————————-

A list of 6(7) episodes that all connect at the same Halloween event it was marketed as “Monstober Spooktacular Weekend”

Jessie

*S4e18 The Ghostest with the Mostest

Stuart warns the kids about a ghost named Abigail.

Girl meets World

S2e18 Girl meets world of terror 2

Riley and Maya meet a ghost!

I Didn't Do It

S2e18 The Bite Club

A fortune teller predicts bad luck for Logan.

K.C. Undercover

S1e24 All Howls Eve

KC dresses as a spy for Halloween to impress a new boy.

Best Friends Whenever

S1e9 Cyd and Shelby's Haunted Escape

Cyd and Shelby teleport to New York and get stuck in an escape room with Riley and Lucas.

Austin & Ally

S4e15 Scary Spirits & Spooky Stories

A trip to New York inspires three spooky stories

-Also part of the crossover event but on Netflix as of Sept. 2020

Liv and Maddie

S3e5 Haunt-A-Rooney

Liv and Joey travel to New York for Halloween

————————————

I didn’t do it

S1e18 Next of Pumpkin

At the Holla!-ween fest, Garrett is stuck in a corn maze

Jessie

S2e1 The Whining

The kids go trick or treating while Jessie fights exhaustion

S3e1 Ghost Bummers

Jessie and the kids throw a Halloween party.

S323 The Runaway bride of Frankenstein

Jessie doesn’t know how to respond to Brooks’ proposal.

Best friends whenever

S2e6 Night of the were-diesel

Austin & Ally

S2e1 Costumes & courage

Jimmy Star asks Austin to perform at his annual Halloween costume party

S3e20 Horror stories and Halloween scares

Power outage leaves the friends locked in Sonic Boom over night.

Ultimate Spider-Man

S2e21 Blade

Spider-man fights alongside vampire hunter Blade to stop Dracula

S2e22 The Howling Commandos

Spider-man teams up with the howling commandoes to save his friends.

S3e10 Halloween night at the museum

Jessie and Spider-man team up to save Halloween.

S4e20 Strange Little Halloween

Trick-or-treaters begin turning into real monsters.

Phineas and Ferb

S1e9 One good scare ought to do it!

Isabella is inflicted with an extreme case of hiccups.

S1e 22 The Monster of Phineas- -Ferbstein!

The grandparents tell the boys about Ferb’s ancestor.

S3e14 That’s the spirit! /The curse of Candace

The kids encounter a strange boy who is convinced his house is haunted.

S4e18 Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror

In this Halloween episode, our characters, star in three terrifying tales.

S4e19 Drusselsteinoween/Face your Fear

When Doof inherits a castle, Vanessa moves her Halloween party.

S4e30 Night of the living pharmacists

Dr. Doof turns people of Danville into Doof-zombies

Wizards of Waverly Place

S3e2 Halloween

The wizards hire real ghost to keep the sub station the best haunted house.

Hannah Montana

S1e17 Torn between two Hannahs

Miley’s look alike cousin goes to the Hollywood Halloween party and tries to expose Hannah’s identity.

Kim Possible

S1e14 October 31st

When Kim lies about not wanting to go trick or treating with Ron there are some unexpected consequences.

That’s so Raven

S2e2 Don’t have a cow

Raven uses a spell book it make her costume better b it she ends up turning into a cow.

Proud Family

S2e2 A hero for Halloween

Penny eats some scary snax and gets super powers.

A.N.T. Farm

S1e14 Mutant Farm

S2e13 Mutant Farm 2

S3e12 Mutant Farm 3.0

Halloween themed episodes based on each seasons premiere.

Shake it Up

S2e5 Beam it up

Flynn thinks his neighbor is an alien

S3e25 Haunt it up

Flynn challenges Deuce and Ty to stay the night in a haunted house.

Kickin it

S1e12 Boo Gi Nights

On Halloween the Black Dragons are expected to wreak havoc.

S3e15 Temple of Doom

The gang host a Halloween party at the temple

Milo Murphy’s Law

S1e20 Milo Murphy's Halloween Scream-A-Torium!

Zack doesn’t think anything about Halloween can scare him anymore.

Star vs. the forces of Evil

S2e11 Hungry Larry

Star and Marco help Mr. Diaz create the scariest Haunted House on the block

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

The classic tale of Ichabod Crane and the headless horseman

Donald Duck

Trick or Treat

Donald plays a trick on his nephews but a witch helps them out.

Mickey Mouse

Lonesome Ghosts

Mickey, Donald, and Goofy run a ghost exterminating agency.

Goof Troop

S1e29 Hallow-Weenies

Pete and Goofy get captured by ghost so Max and PJ need to rescue them.

Duck Tales

S1e65 Ducky Horror Picture Show

A group of monsters rent Scrooge’s convention center for their meeting.

Mickey Mouse

S1e10 Ghoul Friend (2013)

S2e8 The Boiler Room (2014)

S2e19 Black or White (2015)

*The Scariest Story Ever: A Mickey Mouse Halloween Spooktacular (2017) (hopefully this will be added to Disney Plus soon)

Recess

S3e34 Terrifying tales of recess

Bitch tells the kids three scary Halloween stories

Recess: Taking the 5th grade

Spinelli believes she is too old for Halloween

Ravens Home

S1e11 The Baxtercism of Levi Grayson

Booker and Levi try to fool a ghost-hunting classmate.

S2e16 Switch-or-treat

Raven and Booker switch bodies on Halloween.

S3e10 Creepin’ it real

On Halloween, a spooky new neighbor moves in.

Sonny with a Chance

S2e18 A So Random Halloween special

Shaquille O’Neal hosts a Halloween special.

Good Luck Charlie

S2e12 Scary had a little lamb

Teddy and Ivy take Charlie trick or treating but an annoying kid ruins their night.

S3e16 Le Halloween

Teddy and Spencer celebrate their anniversary and Amy dresses as a kangaroo

S4e14 Fright Knight

Teddy and her friends decide to go Halloween caroling.

Stuck in the middle

S2e18 Stuck in a merry scary

Harley hopes to prank Rachel

Fish Hooks

S2e5 Halloween Haul

The gang go trick or treating outside the tanks.

Gargoyles

S2e7 Eye of the Beholder

The Gargoyles are able to go out on Halloween night. Meanwhile Fox becomes more of a wolf.

Twitches

Reunited twin girls discover they have powers.

Twitches too

When a new evil threat arrives, it’s up to the twitches to save Coventry.

Doug

S1e8 Doug’s Bloody buddy

On Halloween night rumors circulate that Skeeter is a vampire.

S3e6 Night of the living Dougs

Doug’s friends and family are too busy to help him make a Halloween costume

The Emperor’s New School

S1e20 The Yzma that stole Kuzcoween.

Yzma sets out to destroy the annual Kuzcoween holiday.

Honorable Mentions

Bizardvark

S1e12 Halloweenvark

S2e12 Halloweenvark: Part Boo

S3e7 Halloweenvark part 3: Mali-boo

Crash and Bernstein

S1e2 Scaredy Crash

S2e2 Health-o-ween

Mighty Med

S1e3 Frighty Med

S2e3 Liar, Liar

.

[disneyforliv]

It’s Just A Bunch Of Hocus Pocus

Sisters I suggest we form a calming circle because Hocus Pocus Limited Edition Dolls are finally coming to ShopDisney this October. We haven’t had to wait 300 years but for die-hard fans of the movie, which was released in 1993 and has remained a holiday staple ever since, the release of these dolls comes as a big treat. The Spellbinding Sanderson Sisters will be available across Europe on Tuesday the 5th of October 2021. Those wishing to snag any of these magical dolls will be able to do so online from 8am on ShopDisney EU or in select stores (Oxford Street, London, Grafton Street, Dublin, and Champs-Élysées, Paris). There will be 3,000 of each doll available in Europe. Each doll will retail for 120euros (bubble bubble my wallet’s in trouble!). I believe they stand at around 11inches tall. I cannot wait for these dolls to run amok in my collection.

Let’s take a closer look at each of the dolls and see what fun details Disney has included.

We’ll start with the glorious Winifred

As you can see each doll comes with a standard black stand to display them on. Winnie is accompanied by her faithful Book, containing all of the spells and potions for their magical mischief making. She also comes with a sweeping brush taken from the broom cupboard of the Sanderson Sisters House/Museum and used to fly after Dani, Binx, Max and Alison in their hunt to retrieve the book. The dress and cloak, although faithful to the movie, doesn’t look like it’s the best quality (but that’s just my opinion). I do love the colours and I’m a huge fan of Winnie’s face here. They captured the iconic lips perfectly. I also really like her hair, they seem to have gotten the colour and shape spot on.

Winnie’s box art features the Book and a potion bottle, probably in reference to the Life Potion that keeps the sisters looking young and living forever. The green on the box ties in with her dress and in the background you can see the split colours of orange and blue, each of which lines up with Sarah and Mary’s box (with Winnie placed in the middle). If you go from right to left with the boxes lined up, the colour fades from dark blue to orange possibly in reference to dawn approaching (I dunno I might be reaching here).

Next up is Mary.

I cannot stress how much I love this doll. She is my favourite out of the three sisters. The details on her dress are just stunning and that face! Goosebumps. The expression is just perfect, I can almost hear her saying “I smell children”. Her hair is black and purple just like the movie and styled with braids in her signature coiffure. She has the black display stand that the other two dolls have. Thackery Binx is also included in his cat form. I do love the wide-eyed look he has here, it’s almost like he’s in shock after the transformation is complete. Mary also comes with the vacuum cleaner she uses to fly.

Mary’s box art features Binx and interestingly Dead Man’s Toe, one of the ingredients needed for their Life Potion.

And finally there’s Sarah.

Ok I’ll be honest I was kind of disappointed by Sarah. Her face just looks...off to me. She weirdly reminds me of the Ariel doll from the Ralph Breaks The Internet princess doll set. The hair is all wrong for me too. It’s got way too much product and just falls in these two big stiff curls. It’s not all bad though, I do like the details on the dress and cloak (however I do wish the quality was slightly better for the price you’ll pay). And I love, love, love that she comes with the black flame candle which has some incredible detail when you look closely! Sarah also comes with a mop which she uses to fly and the black display stand.

Sarah’s box arts features a candle, it’s not quite the black flame candle to me but you be the judge, and an eye. I do love that there’s a spider in the tree on the left as fans will recall Sarah eating a spider she finds after leaving the house for the first time after their resurrection.

Overall I’m just thrilled we’re finally getting the Sanderson Sisters brought back to life (albeit in doll form). I do wish the quality was better for the price. Honestly I’d be way more comfortable if they were around the 50euros mark. Drop a comment and let me know if you’ll be including the Sanderson Sisters in your collection.

[hexandbalances]

Visiting Salem

A few years ago I traveled to Salem for Halloween week. It was a fun trip but not at all the quaint town I had expected. And it was busy. Salem eagerly leans into its witch history and new age spiritualism, sporting many psychic readings and occult shops. To be honest, a large part of my stay was spent walking, shopping, and eating so I didn’t get to visit as quite as many museums as I would have liked. I’ve included a brief review of some of the places I stopped in at while I was there:

Jolie Tea - this was tucked away from the Essex Street pedestrian mall, which made it the perfect place to escape the crowds and blustery wind. They had a selection of seasonal tea blends made in shop. I stopped in several times and took several pounds of tea back as a visiting gift for my aunt. I know it’s an odd compliment but I’m in love with their upholstery and the wallpaper in their restroom. Very limited seating (only 3 tables, one of which only seats two people), but quiet enough at the times I went as to not be a problem.

Count Orlok’s Nightmare Gallery - located on Essex street (the main thoroughfare, foot traffic only) this gallery houses memorabilia and trivia from classic and modern horror cinema. I recommend it if you fancy yourself a horror movie buff. Tickets were $9 for adults and did not need to be purchased in advance. The tour is self guided, walk in any time.

O'Neill’s Pub & Restaurant - honestly I popped in here just intending to use the facilities and get off my feet for a bit but they sell the best pumpkin ale I’ve had to date. The rim is dusted with cinnamon sugar and the head is dusted with a crescent moon of spice. I enthusiastically returned twice a day for the duration of the trip (I was on holiday after all). Their shepherd’s pie was quite good and the waitresses were happy to share insider advice on the best places to park, how to avoid traffic, etc.

Howard Street Cemetery - I visited this cemetery under the impression that the headstone for Giles Corey was there. It wasn’t. There was a memorial at one time but it was toppled by a vandal in 2015. Nevertheless it was a nice, quiet place to stop and take a breather from the crowds.

The Witch House - this is a bit of a misnomer as the house belonged to Jonathan Corwin, one of the judges of the trials. The house is the only structure left in the city that has direct ties to the trials and gives a much more authentic impression of daily life. The tour is self guided but there are volunteers stationed throughout ready to talk about particular items or history of the individuals that resided there. They have a limited capacity they’re required to stick to because of the house’s age so you may be in for a bit of a wait if you catch it during a busy hour. Tickets are about $10 for adults, sold in the gift shop.

Salem Witch Museum - They start the tour by seating visitors in a dark theatre. A recording plays, lighting up vignettes at scheduled points. These vignettes are maybe roughly 9 feet up from where you will be seated, not in sequential order, and cover a full 360° so swiveling your head up and around to find it is necessary. The recording and displays are rather dated; my guess is that they haven’t been changed since the museum’s founding in 1972 (to be honest I was rather expecting Vincent Prince to narrate). After this the group is lead into a small gallery with various placards and pop culture and news printouts. A guide will deliver a brief monologue and then you are free to view the gallery or filter into the gift shop. 

I was rather perturbed that the museum spent effort linking hysteria of the Salem witch trials to McCarthyism (and any other time the American media described a thing as a “witch hunt”) but did not give but the briefest lip service to the misogyny that drove the witch trials and the selection of its victims. Anxiety about attacks from indigenous people were mentioned, but nothing of the political tension of territory and property lines, the disputes between Salem and its many pastors, or the institution of witchcraft as a prosecutable offense in a court of common law by King James. For a museum on the trials it was very light on the details. I found more information available in the gift shop’s surprisingly thorough selection of books. You do have to buy tickets ($21 adults) somewhat in advance for tours that rotate on (I think) 45 minute intervals. 

Peabody Essex Museum - The Peabody Essex Museum is huge and hosts art and history exhibits. When I visited they had an exhibit on Qing Dynasty empresses and had just finished reconstructing brick by brick, tile by tile, a real Qing Dynasty ancestral home imported from Huizhou, China, Salem’s sister city. General admission is $20 for adults.

The Hocus Pocus House - The house used for the exterior of Max and Dani’s in the 1993 movie is a popular stop but it is quite a long walk away from the main tourist hub. I’m sure there are bus tours that would take you there, but like the spendthrift I am, I hoofed it. You can’t enter the house as it is a private residence so taking photos from across the street is the best you can get. The benefit of walking are the scenic views (at last! The quaint town I had imagined!) and meeting a neighbor a few doors down. She had fashioned a hedge from seashells and had delightful watchdog whose name escapes me, save that it was compound and started with “Sir.” I caught her outside gardening - or rather she caught me - and had a chat about the house, tourists, and living in Salem.

Witch City Mall - free multi-story parking! Get there early.

The Coven’s Cottage - Tools, ingredients, books, and more with an exclusive focus on Asatru.

HausWitch Home + Healing - prime example of the self-care industry meets new age spiritualism.

Artemisia Botanicals - Every powdered or raw ingredient you could likely hope for. I saw advertisements for their tea reading service but none was offered when I visited.

Hex Old World Witchery - a sister store to the one in New Orleans. It sells tools, spell ingredients, enchanted candles, jewelry, and some very jaunty pointed hats for ladies and gents.

Life Alive Organic Cafe - Organic vegan cafe. It has the Sanderson Sisters painted as vegetables on their window.

Opus - A fusion restaurant. The food was amazing and the service was great. They have live shows in their basement level. A perfect place for cocktails.

Adriatic Restaurant - Mediterranean and Italian fare. Decent, but pricey.

Caramel Pasteries & Macarons - Easily the best macarons in town. They also sell ice cream and a limited selection of coffee and tea.

The Satanic Temple Headquarters - Baphomet had just returned from his extended stay in Arkansas. The connected Salem Art Gallery and library was also open, and there were some rather striking vine and wicker sculpture work to greet you. And as expected, the people were quite friendly and helpful with recommendations for what else to do and see in Salem. The only downside is that it is a bit of a hike from downtown, but a much shorter one than the Hocus Pocus house. Self-guided tour is $15 for adults.

Street vendors - there are many of these out and about close to Halloween. You can buy whole bags (and whole bags only) of apple cider donuts and other goodies. Not something I normally go for but it was enjoyable. Bring cash.

Additional notes

There are loads of people in costume days before Halloween. If you are shyly deliberating on whether or not to pack a costume, you needn’t think on it further. Do it and have fun, my darling. 

However, I should warn you that if you are one of those that plans to wave a movie replica wand at traffic while shouting bad Latin, I can assure you that you aren’t the first to attempt this and the drivers will not be patient with you. Better to hustle along.

Salem has a noise ordinance that goes into affect at 10 PM on Halloween night. According to the local waitresses most folks don't begin to trickle into town until 10 AM or so that day. 

Essex street is cobbled, please wear comfortable shoes. 

Shop around! There are many shops selling largely the same merchandise. By and large you'll see the same prices but if you've got a sharp enough eye you can save yourself a bit of cash. 

Reserve your stay, wherever it is, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I reserved in January and still had to book a room 20 minutes away, which required a car rental. 

Speaking of which, if you're driving in from outside Salem, the lanes merge and disappear frequently and it can be a little stressful. Most of the drive into Salem is single lane through neighborhoods - school bus traffic included.

The temperature in late October is mild but the wind chill coming off the sea makes it feel at least 10°F cooler. And it’s quite windy - wear your hair up. Preferably add a hat lest you show up on someone’s doorstep looking like Sadako, as I did.

[moghedien]

Could you recommend some adult sff? Love your blog btw!

Thank you! 

And ok, I could give you better personalized recs if you give me some idea of what you’re looking for or what you like, but I’m gonna give you some general recommendations. Also I only really feel comfortable recommending books that I have personally read, and there are tons more out there than what I have read. If you want to find more, looking at recent Hugo nominations over the past few years might be helpful. Also one of the reasons why I know anything at all about the SFF world is that I’ve been listening to the Sword and Laser podcast for like, a decade. I never really mention that podcast, but its literally why I started reading at all and also they have a pretty active goodreads group as well. 

So recommendations: 

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie: 

This is one of my favorite books period. This is a far future space opera about an artificial intelligence who used to be a spaceship and now is only one human body, and she is ANGRY ABOUT that. I don’t really want to say more than that, but if you like AI shenanigans and being sorta confused as to what is going on the entire time, then this is the book for you! It’s the first book in a completed trilogy.

The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan: 

Obviously I’m gonna recommend the Wheel of Time. This is the first book in a 14 (actually 15) book series and if you need something to do with the next 1-5 years of your life *motions toward EoTW*. 

So the Eye of the World, I think is uniquely good as a book if you kinda want to get into adult fantasy for a few reasons. For one thing, its kinda considered to be one of those “classics” of the genre but its not too old to be offputting to some readers. It’s a 30 year old book, so its not reflective of the genre now, but you can definitely see its influence all the place, even outside of just books. The Eye of the World specifically, also goes out of its way to make readers comfortable. It leans heavy on Tolkien references and tropes at first without being a straight up copy of Lord of the Rings like some classic fantasy books are. Its done very purposefully, in my opinion, to make the reader feel like they have some idea of what’s going on, and the series quickly drops the Tolkien references as soon as its established itself enough. 

Also the Gandalf parallel for the series is a smol bi lady and there is 24 year old rage healer who wants to fight everyone with her own two fists.So many women to stan. 

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey

This is the first book of the Expanse, which is a nearish future space opera that takes place in our solar system. Mars has long ago been colonized and is a completely separate government entity than Earth, and conflict between the two planets has been stirring. The Asteroid Belt has also been colonized and have long been little more than tools of corporations that run their colonies. A group of ice haulers working in the outer planets get in the middle of one of the biggest secrets in the solar system and find themselves in all kinds of trouble. 

I don’t really want to say more than this, but this is probably the only SF series that I actively keep up on when a new book comes out. There are 8 books our currently, and the 9th and final book will be out sometime in the near future. There are also several short stories and novellas set in the world, and there’s a TV show that I really like though I need to catch up on it. 

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin

Hello, this book comes with content warnings for literally everything, but it is such a good book/trilogy. This is book about a woman trying to find her daughter again in the middle of the apocalypse. Definitely a heavy read but absolutely brilliant. The world has a magic system based on geology and the people that can use that magic....saying they’re discriminated against is an understatement. I don’t want to say much more about it, but if you have any kind of content you can’t read for whatever reason, I’d check before picking this up. This is the first book in a completed trilogy

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

So this isn’t really super SF heavy and is actually sold as a literary book, but it takes place after a flu pandemic has wiped out a large portion of the population...so maybe this is a bad time to read this book, OR its the best time to read it. Depends on how you’re dealing with *motions at the world*

The book flashes back to before and during the pandemic a lot, but is largely about art’s importance and is actually quite optimistic in its messaging, and this is another of my favorite books ever. But yeah, might be a bad time for you to read it of you can’t deal with the content now. 

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon 

I just remembered that this book also has a plague, but its a subplot and not the major thing. So this is a big ol’ chonky standalone book that is high fantasy, deals with multiple cultures having to interact and work together, and has dragons. Also there’s a genunine slow burn f/f romance and *chef’s kiss*. I can’t really say much else, mostly because I struggle to explain this book, but its very good and probably my favorite book from last year. 

The Calculating Stars by Mary Robinette Kowal 

In this house we stan Mary Robinette Kowal, ok? 

So this is a science fiction that is more an alternate history that poses the question, hey, what would have happened if an asteroid slammed into the east coast in 1952 and the world had to scramble to colonize Mars so that everyone didn’t die on earth when the climate got catastrophic, because that’s the inciting action of the book. The main character is a Jewish woman who was a WASP pilot in WW2 and is a computer for the space program when all this happens. The book deals with sexism, and racism, and xenophobia, and all the social issues that are gonna come up with it being set in 1952, but Mary Robinette doesn’t flinch away from addressing social issues in any of her books, even when it makes her main characters look bad. (Also if you like Pride and Prejudice, she has a series that is just Pride and Prejudice with magic and like, yeah, its good). 

A Natural History of Dragons by Marie Brennan

This is a book which poses a question, what if dragons were like weird animals that were real and an eccentric woman spent her entire life traveling the world to study them and then told the stories of that in her memoirs when she was too old to care about the consequences of publishing all her scandals. That’s what the book is about. This one is probably actually the weakest in the series, just because it deals with so much set up. It’s a great series to get on audio because Kate Reading is a fantastic narrator, and the prose works so well as audio, because it’s just someone telling you her life story. There are five books in the series. 

All Systems Red by Martha Wells

So this is a novella and is the first in the murderbot series. Basically a killer robot gets addicted to television shows and accidentally became sentient. I haven’t read the others in the series, but I really need to reread this one and get to the others. 

Jade City by Fonda Lee

This is a fantasy set in world sorta inspired by the early 1900s but is in a fantasy world. It’s like a mafia movie and kung fu movie had a baby and it was this book. The sequel is out currently, but the third book is set to release next year.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon 

This is another heavy read. This is a SF story set on a generation ship that has a society very heavily inspired by the antebellum south. There’s class issues, race issues, gender issues, mental health issues. All kinds of things intersecting here. Its fantastic, but a heavy read.

Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb

This is another fantasy classic, and is the first of the Farseer Trilogy. The title is sort of also a description of the book, so like. I’m not sure what else I can say. I haven’t read further into the series, but people I trust love it, and honestly I need to reread this and read more of the books. 

Doomsday Book by Connie Willis

So if you think that Station Eleven might be a bad book to read at the time, then this is THE WORST POSSIBLE BOOK TO READ RIGHT NOW. Or, maybe the best. Depends on how you cope. This is a book about time travelers based in Oxford and the main character accidentally gets stranded in the past right as the Black Plague is about to hit. And it hits. The book is horrific. The second book in the series is much funnier. This one ain’t funny, but is good. Just, oof. 

Mistborn or Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson

So if you want to get into the Cosmere, which is a series of series that interconnect and will ruin your life, then then my personal opinion is to either start with Mistborn or Warbreaker. People might not agree with me, but that’s my personal opinion. 

Warbreaker is currently a standalone (a sequel will come out eventually but its not set up for a sequel so you can 100% read it as a standalone). The magic in this world is based on colors, and the story revolves around two sisters. One of them is betrothed to the horrific God King of their neighboring kingdom. The other sister ends up being sent in her place because their dad hates her. I adore Warbreaker so much. It has it all. Two women discovering their true places on the prep/goth spectrum. Talking swords. Vivenna. Everything you can need right there. 

Mistborn is a trilogy that is very emo and will ruin you. Its about people who swallow metal to get magic powers and live in world where the dark lord won already, so they’re all emo. And that was the worst description of Mistborn I ever could have written, but I find it too funny to change. 

So if you’re interested in the Cosmere, but are afraid to commit long term, pick up Warbreaker. If you want to get into a series right away, pick up Mistborn. 

[sandythereadingcafe]

COVER REVEAL

HARD TO LOVE (Play Hard 5) by K. Bromberg

New York Times bestselling author, K. Bromberg, is back with a heartfelt, enemies to lovers romance and a hero who redeems himself to steal your heart . . . Author @kbromberg has revealed the cover for Hard to Love! Releasing September 7, 2021 Cover Design: @perfectpearcreative Photographer: @wanderaguiar_photography •••••••••• Amazon: https://amzn.to/3fYyNeX Apple Books: https://geni.us/H2LoveAB Nook: https://geni.us/H2LoveBN Kobo: https://geni.us/H2LoveK Google Play: https://geni.us/Hard2LoveGP Audible: Coming Soon! Add to Goodreads: https://geni.us/H2LoveGR New York Times bestselling author, K. Bromberg, is back with a heartfelt, enemies to lovers romance and a hero who redeems himself to steal your heart . . . He was the one-night stand that didn’t exactly go as planned. Now he’s standing before me as if he’s never seen me naked, telling my manager he’ll take the job. Reluctantly. Finn Sanderson. Sports agent extraordinaire. Handsome as hell. The man who just signed on to control my every move. Sure, I’m to blame for my recent bad press, but when your whole life has been so regimented, isn’t it normal to want to live it up a little? But when the partying stops and the grief I’m running from has nowhere else to hide, reality sets in. Turns out, Finn’s the only person I have left to help pick up the pieces. The only person to call. Staying with him is a temporary thing. But when our fighting turns into laughter and our friendship turns into something more, will I fight for a man who swears he’s hard to love? Or is it wiser to walk away? To follow the plan? * * *Offering to help with a client is a way to repay a long overdue IOU to my mentor. Little did I know she was the woman who left my hotel room at four in the morning.

Stevie Lancaster. Top-seeded US tennis player. Good girl gone bad. The woman currently about to throw her career away. And now my problem. The compensation to “babysit” her is great, but she isn’t worth my trouble. But when her world falls apart and she has no one else to turn to, I try to be a good guy by gathering her up and hiding her from the media’s eye. Now she’s in my house, in my space, and even though I’m enjoying the side benefits of this unexpected arrangement, surely she’s better to leave when the time comes and follow her destiny. Because I’m not the man she needs. Not the man she could love. Right? Are you ready to fall for the Kincade sisters and then men who love them in K. Bromberg's sexy, contemporary, sports romance series? These books can all be read as standalones, but you’ll enjoy reading them as a series!

[cynicaldesire]

Since I’m having trouble writing, I’ll just make an update post. Maybe that’ll help me feel better, get some things off my chest.

Not much to get off my chest tho. My husband had a like 2week break and we sat around mostly playing Monster Hunter Rise for the duration.

Shortly before his break, though, I was having chest pain and a toothache. My teeth have looked pretty gnarly and my gums have been receding for a while but language barrier so we’ve been too scared to go to a dentist. But we have to now because I started have Chest Pain.

My husband’s father died from heart failure. So I kept expecting my chest pain to go away so I wouldn’t have to scare him with it. But after like day 4, when the pain hadn’t gone away, I finally broke down and told him about it. He had like 3 days of work, so we agreed that I would be super careful and we lost a lot of sleep, but I checked my heart rate using my phone and tried to take it easy until my husband’s break started. We headed to the big hospital like a block away from the clinic we usually go to just in case my chest pain was serious. We struggle our way through language barriers and I explain my symptoms to the doctor. It was mostly some burning pain at the time. Doctor has me get an ECG and some bloodwork. He tells me the ECG is normal so my actual heart muscle is fine, but the bloodwork says my liver is inflamed in response to something, but it’s not an infection, so he’s gonna prescribe me some NSAIDs and tells me to come back in a week. My husband says that I also have been having some tooth pain. The doctor freezes with a thinky face and says to get my teeth checked and to come back in a week. We ask if he has any suggestions on dentists. He says NOPE! and leaves. We head to checkout and while waiting for them to process my stuff, the doctor stops by checkout also and I’m like Hey. He nods and heads out. We spent a total of like... 4 hours there. Total. For the ECG, the bloodwork, etc.

Go home, take the meds, try to take care of my teeth, get Listerine. Sit around and try to take it easy for a week. We go back, the burning is gone and my teeth have overcome their problem. Doc asks if I’m okay now, I say yeah, seem to be, but now I have random pinchy pains. He says I should come back in a month. Husband and I can’t so the doctor is like Okay well, you’re fine, but if it gets bad again... Come back.

Due to my being broke, uninsured, and having a chronic illness, I do a lot of armchair doctoring on myself. There’s a limit to it, of course, but I try to research my own health issues or treatments after visiting a doctor. I found so much more information on PCOS on sites like fucking Reddit than by going to a doctor for years. So after the doctor told me I was okay, I looked up why I might have chest pain if it wasn’t related to a heart attack or something. And one of the options was a pulled muscle.

I thought back to the week before the chest pain started. Other than the toothache and swollen gums, I had been doing a bunch of exercise. I did a bunch of Ringfit and hip lifts and situps and stuff. And I was like Hm. Did I injure my chest muscle overdoing the Ringfit?

I, of course, informed the parents of all of this. My husband’s mother was informed and I was worried she would be deeply upset because she lost her husband to heart problems. But then both parents were like “You went to the doctor? You have medications? Well you seem to have it under control, so let’s bitch about my problems.” Meanwhile, I’m over here having trouble sleeping because I’m worried I won’t wake up. But okay. When my husband went back to work, I Skype’d with my mother and she seemed more irritated that I had interrupted her evening than happy to talk to me or worried about my Chest Pain. Also my dad has to get up at like 3am, so when I called her, she was worried her getting loud and animated as we do was going to wake him up.

(husband’s mental health doctor struggles and a story about library card nonsense under the cut)

Husband has also been seeking professional help because he believes he has ADHD. He’s been having a lot of problems, mostly mentally and emotionally, and he traced all the issues he’s having to ADHD. So he went to an English-speaking psychiatrist for medication. The shrink said he wanted to treat the anxiety before the ADHD in case anxiety is the only issue. My husband, due to his job, is very good at asking questions, so he asked the doctor how many people he prescribes this medication to. And he said 100% of his patients. Well, the medication didn’t seem to help, so on the followup appointment, the doctor said Oh, you’re just taking too much. My husband was like It’s supposed to reduce my anxiety, but instead it’s making my anxiety worse, it’s giving me mood swings, and generally making me very angry. And also sex is more difficult. Doc said I’m gonna reduce the dosage because I can’t treat your ADHD without getting rid of the anxiety. Husband came out of the appointment angry and defeated. But now he’s taking less (and it might be helping?)

Soooo yeah. I try to brush my teeth at least once a day (up from the like once every 20 years I did it before) and I use the No alcohol Listerine in place of brushing sometimes because you can. I skimmed an article about how to take good care of your teeth and it said to not actually rinse when you brush and mouthwash in place of brushing sometimes. I drink almost exclusively soda so I try not to drink any for at least 30minutes after brushing or mouthwash.

We hung out with the friends a couple weeks ago and they said we should start up a new DnD campaign because one of our friends has a roommate in his small apartment and can’t rejoin the old one. The roommate is a friend displaced by a breakup, but he seems to have a new apartment and the moveout date keeps moving. Our DM is getting tired of it and one of our other friends wants in because he’s lonely and DnD is great, so he said we should start up a new campaign so he can join. So we’re setting up for that, just in case.

In order to work on my writing, I’ve skimmed a lot of tips articles after watching a bunch of YouTube lectures and videos. I kinda hate reading and I feel like a huge fraud because if I want to write, I should like to read. But I don’t want to risk buying books I don’t like and having piles of books on my Kindle that just rot. And also, you know, I’m broke. Why spend money on something I won’t get any enjoyment out of? Just a waste at that point. Coulda bought some McDonald’s with that money. Or something. So I thought about the library. I don’t have an active library card, but I knew my Dad had one, so I asked to use his to check out ebooks. He obliged and I started getting books that everybody recommends, like The Name of the Wind and Tales of Earthsea and all this other stuff. I also got Mistborn: The Final Empire and some other Sanderson books, and the Witcher series. But not every book was available at my library. I found an app that let me look at other libraries’ catalogs and I found the missing books at the library where my husband’s family and friends are. I asked our friends if they had a card among them, and the one guy that works at the library has one but his card is always maxed out for checkouts. As an employee, he can check out like  a max of 99 things. And it’s always maxed out. He offered me something I wasn’t comfortable with, so I declined. So I asked my husband to make a card. He declined. So I asked him to ask his mom to make one. She said she doesn’t live in the city, so she can’t. She sent us an email with my husband’s sister’s name for a library that I didn’t ask for and didn’t have the books I was looking for available. Because it uses a different service than the one I was looking at apparently so I could use that one but they didn’t send actual login information.

My husband, because of the way he communicates with his family, asked his mother for help with this library endeavor very cavalierly. He was just loosey-goosey with it. Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I figured they would handle it. His family intimidates me, has rarely made me feel welcome, and so I usually leave myself out of conversations with them. But after they just stopped worrying about the library thing, because I felt like I was right and all they had to do was make an effort, I took it upon myself to email his mom directly. Due to childhood trauma or other paranoia, I’m always worried about being misconstrued or misunderstood, so I end up being very verbose. See above. So I made a long email explaining why I wanted the library card, why I was asking for their help specifically, and included links to the places I saw you could make a library card and how they didn’t have to leave the house to verify it because of COVID. Then, to make sure it wasn’t demanding, that it was friendly, I added some stuff at the bottom about how I wished them well and I was proud of my sister-in-laws’s weight loss journey and how my chest was doing and blah blah. I sent this email right before bed. I assumed that his family would work together to figure it out and if they didn’t wanna deal with it, they would say they weren’t interested. The worst they can do is say no and I’ll have lost nothing except time.

Woke up to an email from his mother saying, in that malicious compliance/corporate politeness way, that she couldn’t make a library card because she didn’t live in the city and she’d be happy to make one for one of the cities that did work. Also, she hoped I was feeling better.

I had had a bad day prior. The day before, waking up had been near impossible, my husband ordered McDonald’s delivery for breakfast and I wasn’t hungry so we sat and watched an anime I didn’t want to watch while food sat getting cold in front of me. I ended up not being hungry for 8hrs. We were talking to the group about DnD, but also needed to shower, so while my husband got in the shower, I said some things to the group and then hopped in the shower. Upon telling my husband what I said, he had this look on his face like he was planning how to damage control what I had said, despite not even knowing what it was. My exhaustion had left me vulnerable, so I couldn’t deal with it and cried. He apologized and we talked about it. Bolstered by this conversation, I went on to boldly converse with other people, which is what allowed me to send that email to his mother in the first place. So upon her declaration that she couldn’t help me, I decided to help myself.

So I went through the process of making an account using my husband’s name for the library I wanted and it worked, I think. It’s not verified or maybe it’s not in the city, so I couldn’t check out an ebook. So I was back to square one. Not only back to square one, now I was doubly wrong. I had pursued this process in righteous indignation, after having directly contacted his mother, and been proven wrong. So now, not only was I dumb and wrong, I had put myself out there. I was wrong on stage.

My husband, wanting to help, went and acquired the one book I was using as my litmus for me. There are probably others I could look up, but at least I have that one and it’s sequel.

But yeah, that’s what’s going on with me.

[kevintor]

I Watch a Movie I Should Have Seen: Hocus Pocus

I miss doing these entries. Mostly I miss adding movies to my watched list. Obviously, I’ve never seen Hocus Pocus. That’s why we’re here.

What did I know about Hocus Pocus? I knew there were witches and I knew Bette Midler had fun teeth. And she certainly did!

My thoughts:

We open on Salem in the 1600s following the shadow of a flying witch. The music was straight out of the Danny Elfman playbook but I guess they couldn’t get him so they found an equivalent Ray Parker, Jr. to Elfman’s Huey Lewis. (If you don’t know)

Pink smoke comes out of the chimney of the witch house which means someone’s gender reveal party resulted in a girl! Unfortunately they had to sacrifice a different little girl to find out.

The old-timey boy we meet is wearing a shirt that can only be described as billowy. He should take off like a kite when he runs. Yet somehow when he violently tumbles down a forest hill, none of that very excessive fabric gets caught on anything. Is the fabric even there or are we imagining it?

The witches (Sanderson Sisters) use a book made of human skin and a functioning eyeball. I shall call this book “Columbo.”

It’s very nice of them to put a mill wheel next to the witch house for the boy to climb.

Okay, so Bette Midler has lightning fingers like Emperor Palpatine.

I honestly thought the witches were going to be misunderstood and everyone would win at the end but killing a little girl for her youth and turning the boy into an immortal cat really puts a big wrench in the redemption arc chances.

The townspeople stage a hanging. The witches curse the town that they will return much like Pennywise only scarier.

We fast forward to find out that the opening is a story that is told in a Salem high school class where the kids apparently range in age from 14-28.

A new-to-town California boy (Max) doesn’t buy into all the witch lore. No mention on why his first day of school is Halloween. Parents did not plan that move well.

Max is into Allison, the pretty girl in school that leads with her teeth in every conversation. Did Rami Malek pull some his Freddy Mercury from her?

Max rides his bike home from school at super speed. He is either an exceptional mountain biking improviser or he practiced it the day before to be really ready for school. Probably the latter.

On his shortcut through the cemetery, he runs into two kids, Jay and Ice. Jay seems to be all the bad parts of Bill and Ted combined and Ice seems to be 40.

Jay and Ice take Max’s sneakers because that’s what bullies in the early 90s did. It makes pedaling home slower which may be for the best. He rode his bike too quickly.

Max does not like being here in Salem anymore. We learn this as he angrily takes off his hat, backpack, and jacket.

Max comforts himself by awkwardly hugging and cooing to his pillow pretending it’s Allison. His little sister, Dani, catches the awkwardness, gets on the bed, and simulates being Allison which is normal.

The house appears to have an unlimited number of stairs to climb up to get away in frustration.

Max reluctantly takes his sister trick-or-treating. He has the appropriate level of older brother standoffishness.

Jay and Ice stop the sister asking for her candy. Max gives the candy to the bullies and she tells him he should have been a man and fought them. Again one of them is like 40.

Max makes up with her using a pouty face. Like! A! Man!

They find a rich house that they assume will make them bob for apples. This is a bad idea even in non-pandemic times. Never bob for apples at a stranger’s house. No matter how rich they are. That’s how rich people fatten you up to make you easier to hunt.

Max and Dani let themselves inside and start robbing the place of their Raisinets and O Henry bars. Rich people give out terrible candy.

Turns out the rich house belongs to Allison. They are having a party and everyone there is authentically dressed like royals. They did not get any of these costumes at Spirit Halloween.

Dani tells Allison that she can’t wear Allison’s royal dress because she doesn’t have yabbos and proceeds to tell her that Max loves her yabbos. This girl is outrageous. Or rude. It was a fine line in 1993.

Max asks Allison to take them to the Sanderson Sisters’ house. She tells him she’s going to quickly change out of a dress that must have taken her 45 minutes to get into.

The house is no different than it used to be. The spell book is still there. How have Jay and Ice not stolen anything from it?

Immortal Cat attacks Max when he wants to light the “virgin candle” that will bring back the Sanderson sisters. It’s a great sequence where he says the name of the movie (always important), then pulls a Zippo out of his pocket (which all kids who don’t smoke have), and lights the candle.

It starts things. Hair blows a lot. This is why they had Max be a surfer boy from California. For this hair effect.

This movie cares a lot about someone being a virgin. Even Dani knows what a virgin is. Are they covering this in her second grade class? Do the parents know? What does the PTA think?

The candle makes the Sisters return and they try to keep Dani. Bette Midler uses more of her Star Wars lightning fingers but Allison saves the day.

The cat can talk and the chances of me liking this movie just took a huge hit.

Max steals Columbo, the spell book.

The writers of the movie do the right thing by having the Sisters be scared of everything modern like roads and fire trucks. Nice touch.

The Sisters only have tonight, which adds the right amount of stakes, to get the spell book back. I don’t think I could make it if they had a week or so.

The Sisters raise the dead causing a very reluctant zombie (RZ) to chase after the kids. Most zombies love what they do so this is a fun choice.

Immortal Cat gets run over by a bus but lives because he’s immortal. We needed proof because the 300 years of being a cat was not enough.

Garry Marshall plays a guy dressed as the devil which they play for fun as the Sisters worship him but we can’t gloss over that fact that Fake Devil’s wife is played by his real-life sister, Penny Marshall. It’s not disturbing. They’re acting!

Children steal the Sisters’ brooms which probably won’t matter later.

They find a Halloween party that Max’s parents went to. When Max’s dad meets Allison, he kisses her hand. I am going to do the same to whoever my kid brings home one day. “It’s from Hocus Pocus. That movie’s fun. It’s not weird.”

Bette Midler gets to sing a song. That should satisfy the requirements from her contract. The song puts a spell on the partygoers forcing them to dance until they die. Somehow the kids are immune to it. Can they shut off their ears? Are they also magical?

The kids lure the Sisters into the school incinerator and burn them alive. It’s a strong play. The kids celebrate as if there is not 30 minutes left in the movie.

Immortal Cat, in a time of reflection, brings up his sister and Max says “You really miss her, huh?” He has been trapped as a cat after failing to save his sister’s life 300 years earlier. He misses her. Why not “Hey, do you ever wonder what might have happened if you saved her life?”

Without any explanation, the Sisters are fine. They run into Jay and Ice who insult them. The Sisters cage Jay and Ice and make them hang from the witch house ceiling. The bullies are crying. Maybe they aren’t so tough after all. <High Fives No One>

Allison decides to find a spell to uncat Immortal Cat. She opens Columbo causing it to glow. The glow lures Bette Midler and the Sisters to her. Allison fails to notice the glow but learns that salt can keep them safe.

The Sisters steal the book and Dani when Allison only uses the salt to protect herself. She really took care of number one here.

Now Sarah Jessica Parker gets to sing a real creepy song that summons all the children from the town. It really shows you the power of song. Again, Max and Allison must have turned off their hearing for this.

Max and Allison trick the Sisters into thinking sun is coming early by using a car headlight. It works but I don’t understand why. They had the sun 300 years ago. They know what it looks like. “Is that a person in a brown sweat suit and green hat or a tree?”

While the Sisters are scared of the car headlight, Max steals back his sneakers but doesn’t save the bullies. How does he know he won’t need the bullies to be on his side in the future? Has he not seen every other high school movie?

They drive away and Bette Midler brooms after them. We know how fast Max likes to go so it is impressive Bette Midler can keep up.

Reluctant Zombie shows up and Max pulls a knife on him. So Max has a knife and a zippo. He might be a problem.

They take the final showdown to a cemetery which is an odd choice. Why not a miniature golf course or a TCBY. Were they still around in 1993?

Max brings a bat to a magic fight. Allison still has her salt. “Bats and salt: Working together to inconvenience witches since 1881!”

Max sacrifices himself to save Dani. The sun comes up as Bette Midler is sucking the life out of Max. Just when you think it might be a better sun-impersonating headlight, Bette Midler turns into a statue and explodes. Definitely the sun.

Immortal Cat dies so he can be with his sister. Billowy shirt ghost appears to say thanks with a kiss on Dani’s cheek (so normal) before he runs off with his ghost sister for eternity.

They did it! They saved Salem! Quite a first day for Max..

The movie was fine. I hate talking animals unless they are cartoons so that didn’t help. And why did they care so much about virgins? A friend told me that “virgin” meant “pure of heart.” Well then they should have said “pure of heart.” And if I can suggest, between Max’s predilection for weapons and Allison’s selfishness with the salt, I don’t think they should stop being “pure of heart” with each other. They aren’t a good couple. Going through a traumatic thing like killing summoned witches from the Pilgrim days causes feelings that can’t last.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: The Sanderson Sisters

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Ah, Hocus Pocus, everyone’s favorite campy Halloween cult classic. Objectively speaking, the movie is probably no better than a made-for-TV cheesy 90s Disney movie – and funnily enough, this film’s director would go on to make plenty more of those, seeing as he would do the High School Musical movies and The Descendants – as it has all the hokey writing, late 80s/early 90s cliches you’d expect, and some truly boring main characters.

But, thankfully, it has three of the most charismatic women you could imagine camping it up and firmly cementing their status as Halloween icons for all time: The Sanderson sisters, Winifred, Sarah, and Mary. These three are the reason this movie is held so near and dear to people’s hearts, and frankly, without them this movie would just plain suck. With them, it still sucks, but in a fun way, elevating it beyond “so bad it’s good” and into the realm of endearing camp alongside such masterpieces as Venom.

But enough of all this; just like when you’re watching the movie, you’re here for the girls, so let’s talk about them.

Actor: The leader of the bunch is Winifred, and she is played by Bette Midler. Bette Midler has called this her favorite role ever, and seeing how she acts in this, it really shows. A running theme with these three is that they just absolutely ham it up, and Bette Midler goes above and beyond with Winifred – she’s not just a ham, she’s the whole damn hog. In fact, in a lot of ways, she hogs the spotlight, what with her hamminess being so magnetic and the fact that she is clearly the brains of the operation. But that’s not to say the others are bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker plays… Sarah. Funny how that worked out. She is the hot and dumb one, and boy oh boy does she play that role to perfection, though of course she does manage to be creepy and sinister when the scene calls for it – that song of hers has become iconic for a reason.

Finally we come to Mary, played by none other than Peggy Hill herself, Kathy Najimy. Najimy does a great job, she plays her role well, but out of the three I feel like she has the most trouble standing out. Which isn’t to say she’s bad, far from it – she doesn’t have the bombastic personality of Winifred nor the complete ditziness of Sarah.

Here’s the thing, though: if any of these three weren’t here, or weren’t portrayed by these specific actresses, they’d fall apart, the movie would fall apart, game over man, game over! The film only works because these three have such great chemistry, such great interactions, and such great weirdness to them that if even one of them were gone or they just weren’t in synch, things would be a lot less fun.

Motivation/Goals: Like most evil witches in fiction, these three want children, specifically so that they can drain their vitality with a magic potion so that they can be young and powerful forever. This gets them hanged 300 years before the main story starts, and when they come back, they reuse this goal with a bit more urgency: they now need to drain the vitality from children before the sun rises and turns them to dust, as their resurrection is set to only last a single night otherwise. Frankly, the fact that their goal is killing and sucking the life out of children is the only thing that’s keeping the audience from rooting for them, because the actual protagonists of this film are so unremarkable and cliché that it’s pretty hard to want to see them stop the funny and charismatic witches,

Personality: Winifred is clearly the one who got all the brains, which makes sense as she is the leader. She’s a lot quicker on the uptake and realizes things more quickly than her ditzier sisters, as well as a lot more proactive and pragmatic in general. She does the spellcasting, she brews the potions, she just inhabits the role of leader naturally. It helps that of the three she has the most outwardly intimidating presence.

Mary is the middle child, and her personality is somewhere between the two sisters: she’s ditzy, but not to Sarah’s level, and she’s got some common sense and wits, but definitely not on Winifred’s level. This is kind of why I said she has a hard time sticking out personality-wise before, as she’s the epitome of the awkward middle child. However, she does excel at her role as a predatory child tracker, able to sniff out their victims with ease. It’s also implied, but not outright stated, that she’s a much bigger eater than her sisters; she is noticeably chunkier than the others, after all. And considering their diet… it’s definitely not a good idea to undersell that Mary is definitely a wicked witch.

Then we come to Sarah, who is an absolute ditz and the epitome of a dumb blonde… and yet, she is also one of the most dangerous, as she has a sort of siren-like power to draw children to her with her singing. In fact, while she does come off as a ditzy goofball for the most part, her interactions with children paint a rather… uncomfortable picture, one that reveals her true nature.

I think it’s worth noting that despite how ditzy both Mary and Sarah are, both of them also have the common sense to point out to Winifred that, when Sarah has called numerous children to their house, they really don’t need to bother with the protagonists anymore. In this moment, Winifred decides to reject common sense and go after them because one of the heroes called her ugly. It sort of highlights just how petty and irrational Winifred can be, and how despite her disdain for her sisters, she’s really not so different from them in the end. It’s also worth noting that Mary and Sarah, while clearly evil due to their association with Winifred, are actually pretty nice and mostly harmless otherwise, to the point where you could make a case that without Winifred around, they’d probably not be villains at all.

But if that were the case, we wouldn’t have a movie, and then we wouldn’t be here, huh?

Final Fate: Of course these three fail to suck out any vitality by sunrise, with Winifred’s stupid little vendetta damning her and her sisters. The rays of the sun turn Winifred to a statue and cause Sarah and Mary to explode, with Mary even getting a moment to wave goodbye in resigned sadness as she bursts into a dust cloud. After her sisters are gone, Winifred’s statue explodes spectacularly.

Best Scene: I don’t think there’s really anything that comes close to the sister’s spellbinding performance of “I Put a Spell On You,” at least in regards to all three of them together. I mean, if you get a singer like Bette Midler to star as a villain in your movie, why would you not have her sing? Only a complete hack who doesn’t know how to properly utilize actors would waste a singer in a role where they don’t sing.

The thing is, these three are together all the time, so there’s not much room for individual moments for them to shine otherwise… or there wouldn’t be, if they didn’t showcase Sarah’s absolutely terrifying power, leading her number “Come Little Children” to being her standout moment, and the moment that really drives home the incredibly uncomfortable undertones she exudes.

Best Quote: I think Winifred gets the best quote in the whole movie, which occurs when her zombified ex Billy Butcherson (played by Doug Jones, who you may remember for his critically acclaimed role as Mac Tonight in the McDonald’s ads). Billy tells her to go to hell, and she retorts with: “Oh! I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.”

Sarah, of course, has her villain song: “Come little children, I'll take thee away / Into a land of enchantment / Come little children, the times come to play / Here in my garden of magic.”

And, unfortunately, in this regard I think Mary gets the shaft. Despite her definitely being funny and entertaining, she just doesn’t have the same level of standout quotes as her sisters.

Final Thoughts & Score: So as I was writing this, I was thinking of what their score could possibly be. I thought I’d probably have to lower their score, because aside from them, this movie is just corny early 90s cheese… but then I thought, what’s wrong with that? And why should these three suffer a lower score due to the rest of the movie’s failings? That isn’t their fault. Hell, these three are the reason to watch the movie. If anything, the movie’s failings are drowned out by just how charismatic and enjoyable they are to watch.

Much like their fellow child-hating hag the Grand High Witch, the Sanderson sisters are blessed with fun, funny, charismatic actors who aren’t afraid to ham things up and know just what kind of move they’re in and absolutely revel in it. They saw they were playing three stereotypical fairy tale witches and decided to have a blast with it, and in doing so they managed to transform an otherwise corny Disney film into the Halloween legend that this film is. I wouldn’t say these three are particularly deep or complex, but they have a very fun dynamic and add a lot of spice to an otherwise bland plot. Between them and Doug Jones, they give you a lot of reasons to come back and watch this film over and over.

Obviously, these three are getting a 9/10, only held back from a perfect score because yes, sometimes the camp can be a bit much, even for me. But I’m just not heterosexual enough to give these three ladies anything lower. I still have to unfortunately say Mary is the weak link here, but it’s only comparatively speaking, and I’d probably bump these three down to a 7 if she wasn’t here. I really can’t stress enough that there dynamic is so utterly important that even one of them not being there would spoil things. They just don’t make evil trios like this anymore.

[genderdysphoriablues]

15/1/'20

Hey y'all, it's been a while. Here's a summary what happened in the past month:

I talked about my really bad dysphoria, and that mingled with a depressive episode made it difficult to update my blog, and then I just kind of got lazy. But during that time I made two very important appointments.

The first is that I planned to go see my therapist again because I was in such a bad place. I didn't get to that appointment until January (it was set from December), but that'll come up later. The second was something I'd like to say was an impulse decision, but that would be lying because it actually took weeks to plan out. I set up an appointment with an endocrinologist at an informed consent clinic.

In the meantime: Christmas and New Years. I got Christmas off this year, and took some time that day to visit and exchange gifts with Grace (she got me two books: Starsight by Brandon Sanderson, and The Joker Psychology).

I did work on New Year's, but that was my choice. I was at a house for Day Program, and I was literally almost in tears because the bunny they have there was licking and nuzzling me. I also visited Grace again.

Not too long after, I had my last day at Day Program. I'm going to take some time before I start looking at another job so I can do some theatre or combat training. Maybe both.

I auditioned for Sister Act at a local community theatre, and got callbacks for TJ (a male character, mind you). I'm stoked! I really hope I get in.

I also saw my therapist, finally. We talked about the endocrinologist appointment and if I was okay letting my bishop know why I'm meeting with a therapist. Then I went to see Jumanji 2 (I loved it) and had some Chick-fil-A.

Recently my atheist friend Silver came to church with me out of the blue, went to the library with me to check out A Satanic Bible, and then came to Study group with me to discuss atheism vs Mormonism with @closetmormon and another friend. He can be Jasper. It was a nice discussion and we all felt very enlightened afterward.

This brings us to today.

I woke up and played some Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories (I finally finished the first one! Not really as fond of CoM, to be honest). Then my mom started to do stuff on the treadmill, and I left the house. Not because of that, though.

I drove an hour to an ObGyn and checked in to the appointment I had set over a month ago. I was there for a long time as they did blood tests (I didn't pass out this time!) and gave me a juice box. I waited as the doctor dealt with an emergency in another room. I filled out a blue packet that said I probably didn't have depression (I don't), and that I probably have anxiety (I do). I initialed and signed a long form detailing all of the changes that testosterone would make on my body.

The doctor finally came in and we chatted for a little bit, making sure I knew what I was getting in to, and insuring that I have a strong support system I could turn to. I do.

And then finally, finally, finally, the nurse gave me my first shot of testosterone. I have very mixed feelings about it.

I want this so badly, but this could directly interfere with my full participation in a gospel that I love so much. Of course I won't stop going to church and all, but I'm 100% sure that I won't be able to go to the temple anymore. I'm going to talk to my bishop this upcoming Sunday.

But of course, I'm finally on testosterone!!!

Anyway, I went to work (at the library) and moved movies from place to place all night (yesterday I got to destroy old magazines, which is my favourite job).

Mostly, though, I'm ecstatic that I'll finally have the body I need to.