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hadersversion · 1 month

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III. i can fix him (no really i can)

“good boy, that’s right. come close, i’ll show you heaven if you’ll be an angel all night.”

pairing: rafe cameron x innocent pogue! reader

word count: ?? (NOT PROOFREAD)

warnings: 18+ minors dni!! language, soft rafe cameron because my boy just needs some love, slow burn, fighting (m/m & f/m), toxic ex

masterlist!

the outer banks filled with people quickly over the past two nights.

the fourth of july was approaching and everyone wanted to spend their time off in a beach town as nice as the island.

i watched as cars filled in at the gas station, out of towners filling their car up and grabbing their essentials for their vacation.

“have a nice day.” i say, handing the bag over to the elderly man. i watched him hold the door open for someone and greet them with a smile.

“thank you.” kiara said sweetly, walking into the gas station. she came up to the counter, leaning against it. “how ya feeling, champ?” she hands me a paper cup of coffee.

“i love you, kiara carrera.” i take a big sip before putting it down, grabbing some candy no one bought but left at the register. “awful, haven’t had a break since i got here. i hate this. i hate how touristy this place becomes. and i hate how many people need gas for their cars. or snacks for their kids.” i rant, slamming down a bag of candy without knowing.

kie looks at me, trying to hold back her laugh. “you got this, you’re a trooper.” she pokes me. “and plus, you get to party tonight with your besties and watch the fireworks.”

“yay.” i say in a monotone voice, causing her to flip me the middle finger. “i’m just kidding, but i would much rather stay at home and watch a movie or something.”

“y/n, you have all summer to do that. one night, please. we haven’t done something like this since the last day of school.” she pleads.

“you remember the last day of school party?” i joke.

“yes, i do remember it. bits and pieces.” she admits, making us both laugh. “it’ll be fun, we got a keg and jj got some weed. it’ll be a chill night.”

“a chill night with a bunch of out of towners and kooks trying to crash.” i say.

kiara nodded. “not much we can do about that. but jj promised he won’t fight anyone tonight. just for you.”

“aw, how sweet.” i say sarcastically.

“such a gentleman.” she adds, grabbing a pack of gum and slipping me a dollar bill. “i’ll see you tonight, alright?” i nod as she walks out the door.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

all of our parties usually end the same. jj is too drunk and too rowdy that he gets into a fight. john b leaves with someone. kiara talks to anyone who will listen. pope, tries to sneak away early, but is caught up with jj in his shenanigans. and then there’s me. the one taking care of them. making sure that they get back to the chateau safe and sound. where would my friends be without me?

the more i think about the party, the more i just don’t want to go. i love my friends and our parties, but fourth of july always ends badly for us. it could be a curse or could be our inability to handle our alcohol.

the streets and beaches are packed as parties kick off to celebrate the holiday a day early.

just another excuse for people to get drunk.

jj already started the festivities off with a 6 pack of budweiser he’s been guzzling.

“hey, jj, no fair. you said you would give me some.” pope says, elbowing him.

“you snooze, you lose.” he smiles like the asshole he is.

i grab a beer from my bag and hand it to him. “i don’t know why you believe a word that comes out of that boys mouth when it involves alcohol and sharing.”

john b chimes in. “she has a point.” pope waves us off and sips the beer.

the beach fills up fast, john b and jj pulling their usual antics on the out of town crowd. charging the guys almost $10 to come in, but ladies get in free of course. some kooks make their appearances, keeping their distance from us. all is well.

until i see him.

rafe saunters onto the beach, head held high as he sips out of a red solo cup. once he sets his eyes on me, he doesn’t break it. it’s almost like i’m having deja vu to the last party he came to. especially with hearing my friends talk in disgust about him.

“here we go.” john b spits.

a pit forms in my stomach as i watch him part the crowd like the red sea. everyone just stares at him as he makes his way through. he’s like a celebrity to these people.

my body and my mind feels drawn to him, like i’m in some sort of trance. i want to reach out, talk to him, touch him. anything. but that’s risky right now with all of my friends scattered around.

i shake my beer can and sigh. “i’m empty, gonna go get another.” i make way over to the coolers, digging around the ice, waiting.

waiting for him.

“there’s my favorite pogue.” i hear from behind me.

i straighten myself up and smile, turning to look at him. “the kook prince himself. what brings you out to these parts?” i ask, putting my hand on my hip.

“had to make sure you were staying out of trouble.” he jokes, sipping his beer.

“very funny, coming from you.” i say and he shrugs. “just didn’t expect it.”

“why? cause your friends fucking hate me?” i look over at him. he’s wearing a light blue polo that shows his tone body off with a backwards cap. what a fucking kook.

“precisely.” i say, opening my beer. “most pogues do.”

“well i can think of one who doesn’t hate me.” he says, tapping my can with his cup to ‘cheers’ me.

“oh really? who might they be?” i say sarcastically.

“well, she’s pretty fucking cool. is always true to herself, doesn’t let what anyone thinks get in her way. let’s see, what else? she also has a weird obsession with dolphins.” i elbow him. “hey, hey. just telling the truth.”

“fuck off.” i take another sip.

a comfortable silence falls between us, fireworks start shooting off above us. the red, white and blue paints the sky as we both stare at it.

“not on such high alert with me right now. not worried about your friends looking at us?” he says in an almost teasing tone. i hate his stupid, beautiful face.

“should i?” i ask back.

“you always seem to.” he says back.

our eyes never leave the sky.

i sigh and sip my beer. “it’s complicated.”

“i’m sure.” he says shortly.

i look over at him. “how would your friends feel if you were off fraternizing with the enemy?”

he laughs and turns to me. “fraternizing?”

“shut up, you know what i mean.” i blush. “it’s just…complicated with them.”

“complicated how, exactly?” he asks. “you’re your own person, ya know?”

“i know. but they’re like my family. i don’t wanna let my family down.” i sigh.

he nods. “you’re too good for them.”

“stop.” i say with a chuckle.

“i mean it. you are. you have a big heart, you care for everyone. you second guess everything to make sure it won’t hurt them.” he says. “do they do that for you?”

my breathe hitches. “i-i-um.” i stammer.

“just what i thought.” he snaps back. “i’m just saying, you should prioritize yourself.” i can’t talk, overthinking everything he just said. how is he reading me like he’s known me his whole life. “did i lose you there?”

“n-no, just gave me a lot to think about right there, dude.” i chuckle awkwardly.

he opens his mouth to say something but gets interrupted.

“hey y/n.” a voice says.

we both look up to see a boy. he’s one from around the cut. one that i used to talk to.

“hey brandon.” i say quietly.

brandon and i go way back, dating here and there throughout the years. we finally broke up because, according to him, i wouldn’t ‘put out’.

in simple terms, fuck this guy.

he looks over to rafe and back at me. “what are you doing over here?” his eyes rake over my body, making me shiver from being uncomfortable. he’s always been a bit of a…perv. to say the least.

“talking.” rafe says. “we’re just talking.” he steps up a bit, in a protective manner.

brandon closes his eyes in annoyance. “wasn’t talking to you, cameron.”

“well now you are.” rafe says with a smug smile. “so whatever you wanted to say to my friend, y/n, you can say to me.”

brandon let’s out a breathe. “why are you even here, bro? don’t you got some gala or something to go to?”

i roll my eyes. “he can be here, brandon. it’s a free beach.”

he turns to me. “wouldn’t have expected you to fuck a kook, y/n. didn’t peg you for the traitor type.”

my face turns red. “i’m not fucking anyone. and if i was, why does it concern you?”

he moves closer. “a little shocked that the virgin mary of the cut would be so easy to put out. especially for rafe fucking cameron. just a little shocked to say the least. seems a little easy.” brandon is so close, i’m looking up to him as he speaks to me.

this was brandon’s favorite thing to do. talk down to me when he’s the one that’s upset.

before i can defend myself, rafe puts himself in between us. “hey man, back the fuck up, will ya?” he says.

i peak my head up and look at him. “and get the fuck out of here.”

brandon’s eyes darken. “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, bitch?” he almost yells.

“you, bitch.” i spit, anger taking over my body.

rafe turns around and gives me a smile like he’s proud of me. “you good?” he asks and i nod. when he gets the assurance he needs, he turns back to him. “you heard her, get the fuck out of here.”

“i’m not letting a kook tell me what to do, especially not rafe cameron.” he’s up close and personal in rafe’s face. “don’t get pussy whipped by her, bro. she won’t put out for shit.”

rafe tenses up and suddenly pushes him onto the ground. when brandon tries to get up, rafe steps onto his chest and holds him down. “apologize.”

“what the f-” he wheezes out as rafe steps down harder.

“apologize to her. now.” rafe grits his teeth.

“fuck no.” and with a swift movement, rafe’s on the ground and holding brandon by the collar of his shirt.

i stand there, unable to move. it’s not fear i’m feeling but my body feels like a rush is taking over.

“fucking apologize to her before i leave you unrecognizable.” rafe yells.

brandon’s eyes widen as he looks at rafe, like a prey looking at its predator. “i-i’m sorry, okay. jesus.”

rafe drops his body down and stands up, spitting down at him. “and stay the fuck away from her.” his voice sounds dark. it almost looks like he’s holding back.

if this is him holding back, how does he react when he’s really pushed over the edge?

he turns around, his face reflecting the anger his body has. i hate the reaction my body is having to him in this state. he’s like a magnet that i can’t help but get stuck on. his face softens as he looks at me. “you okay?” he lightly caresses my arm.

the touch has me feeling electric. “y-yeah.” i breathe out. i look into his eyes and i feel as though there’s physical hearts on them. i’m so lost in thoughts about rafe, i don’t notice the crowd of people form around us, looking at the two of us in confusion.

i know how this will look. rafe cameron came to the cut to fuck with the pogues and be a menace to society. but it wasn’t true. far from it.

“let’s go.” i say, grabbing his hand.

he instinctively squeezes it once we make contact. “where?”

“anywhere . c’mon.” i pull him through the crowd and we run across the beach. the fireworks light up the night sky and leave a ringing in our ears. the music from the beach gets quieter and quieter, signaling that we got far enough.

i finally stop our tracks, turning around to look at him. the wind blows my hair as the ocean waves come crashing near us. he’s looking down at me, still holding my hand. “you okay?”

“thank you.” i say, ignoring his question. “but you didn’t have to do that.”

“y/n, don’t thank me for that. i should thank you for letting me talk down to the little shit.” he laughs. “but of course i had to do that, no one talks to you that way and gets away with it.”

“just accept the gratitude, dammit.” we both chuckle and he nods. “brandon is such a dick but you didn’t have to almost kill him to defend me.”

“i handle all assholes the same way, y/n. he was the luckiest one of them all if i’m completely honest.” i sigh, not wanting to know the full backstory of what he means but i can already see it in my head. “how do you even know him?” he asks, pushing hair behind my ear as it blows around my face.

“we dated way back when. didn’t work out for obvious reasons.” i say.

rafe’s eyes are painted with jealousy. “you dated that jerkoff?”

“sadly.” i shrug.

rafe shakes his head and closes his eyes. “well, if he ever tries to pull some shit like that again. let me know and i’ll take care of it.”

take care of it. those four words shouldn’t have sent warmth right to my core but it did.

“even though you had him shaking in his boots when you called him a bitch.” i blush, closing my eyes, and he squeezes my hand. “hey, it was badass…and hot.” he adds.

i open my eyes and look back at him. “hot?”

“i mean you’re always hot but that was…that was very attractive.” he tells me.

we stare at each other in silence. we both don’t know where to go from there but we both know what we want to do.

i feel myself stand up on my tippy toes, slowly. my hands rest on his chest as i stare at him. his breathe shutters as i stand there. there’s a voice inside of my head telling me to back down. do not kiss him. if you do, things will go from bad to worse. but then there’s a different voice, the voice telling me how soft his lips would feel. how good this kiss would be. how happy it would make me. i battle with the angel and devil on my shoulder before ultimately giving into the desires i’ve been wanting since we started talking.

our lips connect and if the fireworks weren’t going off above us right now, there would be some from the way this kiss feels. it’s sweet and gentle, two words most people wouldn’t use to describe rafe cameron. his hands slowly find their way to my cheeks, cupping them as though he’d lose me if he let go. all the frustration we’ve been building up from each other now finding its way out in a satisfying ending. i deepen the kiss, my tongue slowly entering into his mouth. i can tell it takes him by surprise when his breathe stutters in my mouth. like he’s letting out a sigh of relief. my hands find their way to his cap, holding onto it. i could stay like this for eternity but i pull myself back unhurriedly.

we just stand there, looking into each others eyes. “took you long enough.” rafe jokes, making me punch his arm.

“don’t ruin this, asshole.” i say.

he pulls me into his body tighter. “alright, alright. i won’t. only because i’ve been waiting so long for this.”

his arms engulf me as we stand there. i don’t want to leave, i could make myself at home here. leave the entire outer banks and their class system behind. leave the whole damn world behind if i could. but i know the reality is slowly creeping outside of this bubble we created. but i want to relish this moment for as long as i can. i rest my head on his chest and sigh, taking in his expensive cologne and memorizing his breathing patterns. the fireworks continue on overhead as i smile to myself.

this. this is the moment i knew, i fell hard for rafe cameron. harden than i ever expected.

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rotisserory · 5 months

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Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts

So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:

1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.

2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3

3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao

By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)

If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!

First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.

(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.

Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.

Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.

Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.

Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:

Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:

The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.

Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:

Winning the World Cup

Winning the World Cup with Nagi

Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake

Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own

Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker

Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.

After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.

He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!

Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!

He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)

I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.

Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.

Unstable or Changing Relationships:

The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.

The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.

Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:

Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.

When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.

These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.

It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).

In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:

Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.

That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:

Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:

I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."

Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:

In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.

Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.

He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.

Fear of Abandonment:

Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:

The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-

Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.

Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?

Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.

Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.

This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:

Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:

One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:

Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.

These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:

I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-

It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.

If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.

He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.

He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.

As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.

i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.

I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).

After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.

Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect

I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH

The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool

Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-

I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!

I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.

Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a

Closing Thoughts:

Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.

Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.

#blue lock #reo mikage #reonagi #nagireo #nagi seishiro #bpd

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nonotnolan · 11 months

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Group Project

"I don't care if most people skip this step," Aiden said, taking a pre-swap photo with Nathan. "I still don't completely trust Swapper technology, just... I don't have many other options. Professor Carmichael has been riding our asses all semester, and this damn group project is worth 50% of my grade. I, uhh... I appreciate you doing this for me."

"You're the one paying me," Nathan said, grinning into the mirror with two thumbs up. "As long as you follow the basic rules, I don't really care what sort of extra safeguards you want to throw in. And don't worry, I think it's cute. Commencing swap... now."

Aiden barely had time to panic before he found himself staring up into his former face. The biggest shock was feeling Nathan's coiffed hair brushing against his forehead. The nerd came well recommended by Frat Row-- at this point, he probably spent more time outside of his body than inside of it. Certainly it hadn't been Nathan spending time at the gym to earn these arms. He had graduated college last year, but instead of getting a full time job, he hired out his services to anyone who needed to pass tests or make presentations. At $500 per swap, the legality was the only barrier to making it into a career. "So, you remember the rules, right?" said Aiden's body.

Hearing his voice like that was incredibly odd. "Yeah, we've got to stay swapped for 48 hours or else the Campus safety test will know we used our Swappers. You aren't liable if you get caught, I already paid you up front, no refunds. We had to jailbreak our Swappers to override the 12 hour standard limit, so I'll get arrested if I try to contact customer service. Anything else I'm missing?"

"No hard drugs, but any amount of sex and alcohol is fair game," Nathan said, as he reached into Aiden's waistband to fondle his new package. "Nice dick, my guy," he said, giving him another thumbs up. "That's gotta be, what... at least seven inches?"

Aiden blushed, deeply embarrassed to see his body acting so corny. "A bit under seven and a half, yeah," he said. "Aa-anyway, I'll be at the house if you need me."

"Have fun," Nathan said, giving him an exaggerated wink and slapping him on the shoulders. "I've swapped with several of your brothers. I know you're gonna have a good time."

Preston was outside, taking advantage of one of the last warm afternoons before fall turned into winter. "Damn, bro, you hired Nathan? Looks like someone was worried about failing their classes. So, who are you?"

"It's Aiden," I said, feeling very self conscious about my newer, frailer body as I found myself staring at Preston's hairy chest.

He just laughed. "Wait, Aiden? I didn't even know you had a Swapper! Damn, dude, you must be desperate to pass."

"I... yeah," I said, avoiding eye contact. Was Nathan a gay man? That was fine if he was, just... did that sort of thing stick to the body? He'd never really noticed the cleft of Preston's chin before, but he was-- Nathan's body was-- incredibly horny.

"A word of advice, Newbie," he said, sitting down his book. "Most of the Swapper nerds, or at least the ones worth hiring? They're gay men. Don't try to fight it. Just enjoy the ride. You'll be back to your no-homo self in 48 hours." He flexed his chest, letting his pecs bounce. "Or maybe you'll be a bit more worldly," he said, laughing as Aiden tried not to sneak a glance. "Getting a compliment from a gay dude feels real good."

Aiden practically sprinted toward the main doors, eager to escape the awkward situation. "Yeah I'll keep that in mind thanks bye," he muttered, cursing Nathan's gym shorts and their inability to hide an erection.

"Well, damn bro, look who it is! Someone hired Nathan!"

Sitting over in the lobby were two other guys who were using their Swappers for the weekend. The guy in black was probably Carter-- the dude had a lot of Puma gear, and it was possible he'd changed shirts at some point. Besides, it was hard to imagine anyone else scowling that hard. The blonde guy, however... that could be anyone.

"Uhh, hey... guys..." Aiden said, quickly learning that Nathan had a foot fetish. "You, uhhh... you also have a group project tomorrow or something?"

The blonde guy just laughed, closing his laptop as he stood up. "Oh, I've got a group project in mind, alright. I was just telling Carter here, even though both of us look like twinks, neither one of us are really bottoms. But with Nathan's body here, well... I think that solves our problem. Don't you?"

He nodded, following wordlessly after the two men as they entered the nearby library room for more privacy. Just enjoy the ride, Preston had said. Aiden suspected he was going to be doing a lot of riding tonight.

#male body swap #gay body swap #jock to nerd #swapper #muscle jock #nerd #straight to gay

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whorbidmore · 6 months

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okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #leon kennedy fanfic #resident evil #resident evil leon #leon kennedy headcanons #babyfangs.txt #fangsfic #idk man im literally talking out my ass on all this 💀

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scapingthebottomofthebarrel · 2 months

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It took 30 years, but here it is! The Remus fic!!

Told You So

“He’s just a boy! He won’t eat you!” Lily giggles while forcibly dragging you down the platform. Lily has been insisting since the two of you met at the beginning of third year that you and Remus would really hit it off, but new people are scary and the Marauders have quite the reputation. So here you are at the beginning of your sixth year being pulled down the platform to what you know will surely be your end.

“It’s not him I’m worried about! No one could be scared of him, he's too soft!” You grunt trying to dig your heels into the ground further. “I’m so bad with words. And he’s really tall!” Lily stops and looks at you like you’ve grown a second head

“Well Remus is excellent with them so it will balance out and I have no clue what his height has to do with this” She says and continues to look for Remus

“Tall is intimidating and I’ll die Lily.” You whine

“You were partnered with Severus for potions last year, Remus will be a walk in the park.”

“Those are two VERY different situations” You defended.

“Well I already told Remus I’d finally introduce the two of you. You wouldn’t make me a liar would you? Oh look there he is.” She chirps, waving him over before you can say anything.

“Tall” “Pretty” you and Remus say at the same time once he’s in front of you. Remus gives you a dopy smile and a little wave as you give what could only be described as a grimace. Your friends have lovingly told you you have zero poker face and your discomfort makes itself known and while you don’t doubt the kindness of the Marauders, your inability to coherently speak to new people has prevented you from meeting the only one Lily has deemed acceptable.

“I’ll take my leave before Potter is able to make his way over. Don’t forget to breathe, he’s too soft to be scared of remember?” She whispers the last part to you before making her way to where the rest of her friends are. You notice Remus taking a deep breath out of the corner of your eye as you try to summon any inner strength you can find and talk to someone new.

“I’m gonna marry you someday.” Remus says with a big smile as he holds out a hand for you to shake. Your eyes nearly pop out of your head at this. “That was supposed to be I’m Remus nice to meet you” he groans looking absolutely mortified with himself.

“Straight to the point we love that for you Moony! Keep on manifesting!” Sirius says as he comes up behind Remus and claps him on the back. James and Peter look about ready to pee themselves they’re laughing so hard. The arrival of the other three only serves to increase your anxiety.

“I’m I uhhh I mean w-well I-I umm you’re literate!” You nearly shout shoving the book you had been holding into his chest causing him to stumble back a step. You quickly turn around and run away to find a compartment and write a quick will before dropping off the face of the earth. “At least I gave him the book…” you mutter to yourself as you make your way through the crowed and onto the train. You really do want to make more friends and Lily had said how much he liked reading so you brought one of your favorite books as a way to start a conversation. Thankfully you have another copy of the book, so you won’t need that one back from him. You slump into a seat in the compartment Amos, Arthur, and Molly are in.

“We all saw that from the window” Amos cackles. You groan and bury your face in your hands.

“Leave her alone! It was so cute!” Molly squeals. “Wasn’t it so sweet Arthur?”

“Absolutely adorable.” Arthur says with a soft smile looking at Molly like she hung the stars.

“You couldn’t even hear what they said.” Amos points out. They all turn to you expectantly. “What did you say?”

“Molly, I leave you my nice tea kettle. Arthur, you get my muggle science books from primary school.” Is all you say finally sitting up as the train begins to pull out of the station.

“That’s fine I’ll can ask him myself. Worse case Sirius and Jame will have no problem telling me.” Amos says before quickly standing up and booking it out of the compartment and down the train in search of the Marauders. You look at Molly and Arthur for help.

“Like he ever listens to me.” Arthur says with a shake of his head.

“I don’t know what you think I could do.” Molly chuckles when you look at her. You let out a loud groan as you sink into your seat and contemplate the necessity of a magical education.

You don’t see Amos again until you are boarding the carriages to the castle and he yanks you backwards and unceremoniously tosses you into the carriage the Marauders are in as it begins to take off. You nervously look between the four boys in the carriage and your so called best friend. You will yourself to breathe and remind yourself that Amos is one of your best friends. He knows how nervous you can get with new people. He wouldn’t have put you in this position if he thought it would do you any harm. You take a deep breath and try to smile.

“Do you get motion sick?” Peter asks looking genuinely concerned. “You look like you’re gonna throw up.”

“I-I’m well I uhhh. No.” You squeak out.

“As your future in-laws, we told Amos we needed to meet you. We didn’t realize he would chuck you into the carriage like a sack of potatoes. Our deepest apologies.” Sirius said with a soft smile as he threw an arm around your shoulders

“Shut it Padfoot.” Remus hisses, kicking him in the shin.

“Oww! I’m just trying to be nice! You said to be nice! Didn’t he tell us to be nice? I thought that was so nice of me!” Sirius nearly shrieks looking to James and Peter for support.

“I thought it was nice.” Peter shrugs.

“Extremely nice. You know I’m often told how nice I am. And smart. Don’t forget handsome. Oh a-“ James says in what you assume he thinks in a nonchalant manner until he gets cut off by Sirius.

“We’re here to talk to our new sibling, not for you to indirectly woo Lily. Now where were we? Ah yes introductions. I’m Sirius, this is James, that’s Peter, and of course you know your future husband.” You’ve not looked at Remus yet, but as Sirius gives introductions your need to not be rude has you looking at Remus who looks like he’s about to explode.

“I am so sorry. We got off on the wrong foot and my friends all share a brain cell which clearly has been lost.” Remus says with a sigh before he gives you the softest smile and you feel like you’re going to melt.

“It’s fine.” You whisper. Maybe you could learn to deal with the Marauders if it meant Remus would smile at you like that again.

You focus on your breathing for the rest of the ride, willing your soul to not leave your body. The second the carriages reach the castle you are jumping out and stumbling towards your friends. “Bye!” Remus calls after you.

~~~~~~~~

During the welcome feast you sit as far away from the Marauders as possible. “How’d it go?” Lily asks excitedly as she sits down next to you across from Amos. You toss a roll at Amos when he lets out a chuckle. “So it was as bad as Sirius said?” She asks with a sigh as they both look at you expectantly.

“I don’t know what you all were expecting to happen! When have I ever been the one to initiate a friendship?” You nearly screeched. They all muttered agreements.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be that startled. I really had good intentions.” Lily grabs your hand. Her eyes pleading with you to believe her. You sigh and give her hand a squeeze.

“I know. I really do want to be friends with him I just…” you sigh trailing off as you look over at Remus smiling dreamily. As if he had been waiting for this moment his eyes met yours almost immediately. “Co-could you umm maybe ask Remus if he’d like to possibly exchange letters? Maybe that can help me get more comfortable with him? Then I can, you know, talk to him. Maybe. If it goes well. And he doesn’t think I-”your rambling is cut off by Lily squealing excitedly.

“My baby is going to marry her soul mate!” Amos coos.

“Why do people keep saying things like that?” You groan slumping down in your seat.

“Because it’s true. I’ll go tell him right now about the letters.” Lily chirps quickly getting up and making her way over to Remus.

“Merlin have mercy on my soul…” you whisper, again, debating the necessity of a magical education.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Y/N,

I was over the moon when Lily told me you wanted to exchange letters. You don’t know how relieved I am that I didn’t scare you off. I’d like to apologize for how strong I came on. I promise I’m not normally like that. Ever. Lily has been telling me about you for so long and I’ve seen you around the castle so often, but I’ve never been able to get myself to go over and say ‘hello’. I hope that writing these letters will help me to be more open with you and not hide behind Sirius and James. So, how to begin? Here’s some need to know facts about me

Full name: Remus John Lupin

House: Gryffindor

Favorite food: Chocolate

Dream job: Professor

Bucket list item: Writing a book even if no one but me ever reads it

I can’t wait for your response

P.S. Thank you for the book. I haven’t read it before, but I’m excited to and hopefully we can talk about it

Sincerely,

Remus

You want to cry at how sweet Remus is. You’ve picked up and set your quill down at least 10 times trying to think of an adequate response. You take a deep breath and read Remus’s letter one more time before picking up your quill and beginning to write.

Dear Remus,

I must admit that I was rather startled by our first introduction, however it was really nice to know someone thought so highly of me. I also hope that these letters help me to be braver. I can’t imagine you hiding behind Sirius and James. From what I’ve soon of The Marauders around school it seems like they rely pretty heavily on you to be the brains of the operation and hide behind you when McGonagall is after you all. Here are some very important facts about me

Full name: Y/F/N

House: Y/H

Favorite food: Croissants

Dream Job: Baker

Bucket list item: Open my own bakery

P.S. I look forward to swapping notes

Sincerely,

Y/N

You don’t look at the letter again for fear of ripping it up and never sending anything. Instead you quickly pack up your things and rush from the library to the owlery.

“Where are off to in such a hurry?” Amos calls out to you seemingly appearing out of nowhere. You let out an inhuman shriek and nearly trip over your own feet, but he rushes forward just in time to help you keep your balance.

“Ooo off to send a love note to Lupin?” He asks while waggling his eye brows, noticing the letter in your hands. You make a displeased noise and straighten out your clothes. You look level him with a glare before making the decision to literally run away before you convince yourself to drop off the face of the earth. “You got this!” he yells after you. “We’re all rooting for you guys!” He adds even louder. You can’t help but smile a little bit at your best friends odd attempt at support.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on y/n. Just one?” Sirius pouts from his place on the counter.

“Sirius, you’ve had like five already.” You point out while reaching out to smack James hand away from the bowl of cookie dough you had set off to the side. It’s been six years since you had sent that first response and you’re currently in the kitchen of your and Remus’s shared apartment working on the desserts for a party Amos is throwing on Saturday .

“I’m your favorite brother and therefor deserve a cookie.” Sirius continues giving you his most charming smile.

“Nuh uh!” James shoutes. “Everyone knows I’m the favorite. My wife got you and your hubby together.” James sticks his tongue out at Sirius triumphantly.

“They’re not even engaged!” Sirius fires back.

“Oh, so now thats a technicality?” You ask, putting a hand on your hip. “Because if I remember correctly, you all introduced yourselves to me as my future inlaws.”

“Cause we are” James mumbles around a mouth full of brownie.

“If James gets one I get one!” Sirius shrieks shoving a fistfull of brownie into his mouth.

“No one was given anything!” You yell while trying to coral two six foot something toddlers out of your kitchen. They both start screaming to try and confuse you, but you’ve spent too much time around and living with Marauders to be thrown off by it. You start screaming too in an attempt to assert your dominance. Suddenly the lights go out and you all freeze.

“Did you all miss nap time or something?” You sigh in reliefs at the sound of your boyfriends voice.

“Remus can you please take them in the living room and play a board game or something? I really need to finish these desserts for Amos.”

“Ooo games!” James cheers before he and Sirius each grab a cookie and make their way to your living room. Remus shakes his head and smiles fondly after his friends.

“How was your day?” He asks as he sweeps you up into a hug.

“You should have seen them when Amos was here too earlier.” You say with a laugh remembering the sugar cube war that took place this morning. “How was the interview?” You can feel Remus shift nervously at your question. You hug him tighter and kiss his cheek. “I’m sure it went wonderfully. One of them will stick. I know it.”

“Yeah…I’m sure…”

“Remus we need enrichment!” Sirius sing songs from the living room.

“I just have to fill the macarons and bake the last cookies. I’ll join you guys when I finish.” You kiss his cheek and go back to the counter where your bowl of cookie dough sits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up the next morning to the sound of Remus humming to himself. “Morning.” You mumble as you stretch.

“Morning dear. I forgot I have an interview today in town. I’m going to run some errands after, but I’ll be back way before our date.” He says softly before leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Knock ‘em dead.” You sleepily sigh nestling back into the bed. Remus convinced you to close the bakery today and spend the day together, so you have no where to be and a cozy bed calling your name.

When you do decide to get up you take your time getting ready. Remus has kept the date a complete secret. He just told you to wear something you like. With his vague directions in mind you get dressed and go eat a small breakfast knowing any date with Remus means yummy food.

“I’m home!” He calls out as he tumbls through the door and two and a half later. “Give me ten minutes!” He adds rushing past the kitchen and to your bedroom.

True to his word ten minutes later he’s walking back into the kitchen ready to go. “Walk by again!” You cheer causing his cheeks to flush, but he does as you say. “That’s my man!”

“Oh hush.” He mutters his cheeks getting even redder. “You know I could take you to court for false advertising. I thought I was getting a sweet soft spoken bean.” He tries to put on what you all call his ‘Professor Remus’ face, but you can see his smile peaking through.

“No way! You knew what you were signing up for and you love it! Now tell me where we’re going.” You smirk as you walk over to him and kiss his cheek.

“I hope you’re hungry.” He chirps as he grabs your hand and leads you out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The book store?” You ask confused

“Surprise...” He squeaks out as he holds the door open for you. You shrug and head in smiling as you take in the large book store. You and Remus have spent an embarrassing amount of money and time here and yet you always find something new. “I’ll be right back.” He quickly mutters before walking to a different part of the store. You nod absentmindedly as you trail your finger along the spines of the books looking for something interesting.

After fifteen minutes you begin to look for Remus. You peak around isles but he’s nowhere to be found. You’re starting to think you’ve been abandoned when you find yourself speeding toward the ground. You had been looking up trying to see over the shelves as Remus is taller than most of them and failed to see him sat on the floor. “Are you ok?” He asks nervously looking you over for injuries.

“Why are you on the floor?” You ask with a giggle as you get situated across from him. He takes a deep breath and clears his throat before handing you a worn copy of your favorite book.

“Look what I found.” He says giving you a smile that makes you believe the Trojan war could have been started over one person, because you would fight an army to see that smile again. You smile back and begin to look through the book. As you flip through the pages a small envelope falls out. It has you name written on it in what you immediately recognize as Remus’ nice hand writing.

“What’s this?”

“You’re literate.” He says as he picks it up and hands it to you.

“Honestly, you get tounge tied once and your branded fo-“ you freeze as you finally get the paper out and read it. “Ma-maybe I’m not. Remus what does this paper say?” He just smiles at you with big hopeful eyes. “Remus…” is all you can get out as the tears start to fall. “Yeah. Yes. Of course. Of course I wanna marry you.” Your words come out jumbled as you look back and forth between the paper and Remus.

“Oh thank Merlin.” He sighs with relief. “If you’d said no Amos would have killed me. There was, well there was supposed to be a whole day leading up to this, but I got nervous I just kind of skipped to the end. Our friends are currently not very pleased with me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amos’ party turned out to be an engagement party for you and Remus. It was a wonderful night full of friends, family, and love. After everyone else had left you, Remus, Lily, James, Sirius, and Amos sat around a fire talking about all the things that led you all to where you are now. “I can’t believe we’re god parents.” Sirius said raising his hand to you for a high five.

“I still can’t believe Amos and Jame are allowed to be in charge of a little humans.” You say with a smirk.

“Well I can’t believe Moony made us plan a proposal for weeks only to throw the whole plan out the window.” James teases.

“I was nervous!” Remus groans.

“As if they would have said no.” Lily says with a laugh.

“I am always right.” He concedes.

“No you’re not.” You say with a roll of your eyes.

“Yes I am. I told you on day one I’d marry you.” He looks at you the same way he did on the carriage ride that first day and you’re happy to let him have this.

“Yeah you did.” He leans in and kisses you softly as your friends cheer in the background.

“I’m gonna be the best godmother to baby Lupin.” Lily sighs happily causing you and Remus to break apart with nervous but excited smiles on your faces.

#mauraders x reader #remus lupin x reader #reader insert

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prettyboykatsuki · 5 months

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✮ tags ; gn!reader, sock(?) fetish...? it's like foot fetish adjacent i guess and but she is wearing frilly socks, dirty talk, established relationship, implicit nsfw but nothing happens, 18+

✮ wc ; 1.4k (WTF LOL)

✮ a/n ; don't mind me. going through something. this is miserably self-indulgent but it's ochako so i figured you've guessed that

Ochako would never applaud your subtlety.

If she's playing devils advocate, she'd say that you're not usually trying to be very subtle anyway. Between the two of you, she's the shy one. Most of your firsts have been as a result of your personality - sufficiently anti-social but smug and forthcoming when you need to be.

She was the one to coax you into actually asking her out, since you weren't sure she'd be happy with someone like you. But the confessing and kissing and having sex are all a result of your brusque honesty and inability to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Usually, if there's something you want, you'll just ask her. She'll get on your case out of embarrassment often enough - but she loves you and she loves being praised. If there's some particularly perverted fantasy you want to act out with her, well... she can do it with a little bribing.

You're not much for hints, but you are good at hiding things. Usually. You managed to plan an anniversary trip completely in advance even with her hectic hero schedule which is something to be commended.

But it's rare, in any case, to see you be uncertain about something. It's not like you just stare at her and not say anything. She'll challenge you about that tendency often and you always smirk so sly and say what you think.

She's never really seen you act like this. She doesn't know what to make of it.

She thinks she would've known by now if you had some kind of foot fetish at least.

You've been staring at her legs all day to start with, but she noticed about an hour ago that your eyes kept drifting to her feet. You've had sex enough times for her to know what you like and you've never really shown any special appreciation towards them other than a kiss or rub. It's tender and intimate, but it doesn't feel rooted in the lust of a fetish.

It's the fifth or sixth time in the last hour you've looked over the edge of your laptop screen and traced her legs. It's hard to notice when you've been doing it so often.

"What are you staring so hard at?"

You startle at the confrontation, even though you weren't engrossed in your work. It's subtle, your eyes widening just a touch before going back to the screen unfocused.

"Uh," You sound...awkward. And a little nervous. It's a little unusual for her, since you're a difficult person to truly embarrass. "Nothing really."

She pouts at you. "You're a bad liar. You've looked at me so many times today. At my feet," She says, leaning back on the couch with her legs completely spread. You do it again and look away just as quickly. "Did you gain a foot fetish over night?"

When you don't respond right way, her eyes open wide. She looks at you as you turn your head - suddenly sheepish. "...Did you really?"

You shake your head, trying to find the words to explain. You open your mouth only to close it again, rubbing your temple as if finding the words is stressing you out.

Now she's really confused.

"It's not a foot fetish, necessarily? It has to do with," You swallow something in the back of your throat. "...with what you're wearing. I guess?"

"What I'm wearing?" She looks down her legs and looks at the socks she's wearing - brand new and frilly. All white lace bunched at the cuff and white cotton down to the toes with a little pink bow on the back, She lifts her legs up and points her foot out. "These?"

Your face flushes like a deer caught in headlights and Ochako feels herself jolt in surprise before a smile breaks out on her face. It's hard to hold in her laughter, though she's not laughing at you as much as she is your reaction.

"Don't laugh at me,"

"I'm not, I'm not," She assures, giggling to herself. "It's just... of all the perverted stuff you ask me to do, this is what gets you?"

You cover your face partially with your hand, forcing yourself not to look down or around. "It's a little weird even for me."

She hums. "I don't think it's weird," Slowly, she pulls her knees up close to her chest, arms hugging her legs glancing down at her feet "I'm just not sure what you like about it."

You stare again, at her legs then at her feet. You're a distance away but you scoot in a little closer - your hands reaching out just far enough to touch the frill around the cuff. Your eyes go lidded, pressing the lacy material between your fingers.

"It's pretty." You say first. There's a shift in the air that makes her breath hitch though you haven't said or implied anything lewd at all. Really haven't touched her either, which makes her blush. You have the effect on her, or something. "It's girly and cute and looks nice on you. Plus you have toned legs so it suits you. I like the way they match with your pajamas, too."

The sudden wave of praise makes Ochako shiver. She buries her face in her arms, frowning - skin prickling with heat. "Jeez. You're so simple."

She moves herself. Instead of her seat opposite the couch, she crawls down to where you sit on the floor and pushes the coffee table away from you. Barely glancing at your laptop, she shuts it and sits in front of you instead - occupying the space between you suddenly. You glance at her, surprised, before laugh again.

She leans back on her palms, pulling her legs up and placing both of her socked feet on your chest. Her back is supported only by the sturdy chestnut table she moved out of the way to sit. Your hand rests on her calves - right where her ankle extends. Your thumb rubs the bare skin. Her face grows hotter, air thick with tension.

"You have more to say, right?" A bid for attention. You nod your head. "Then say it,"

"It's kind of dirty," You hum. Ochako can feel her heart rate start to tick up as your hand slides down to be over the tops of her feet. You look down at where she's placed them on your chest so affectionately she can already feel the dull pulse start between her legs. "But I always think about what they look like when they're the last things left on you."

She makes a face at you. You crook your neck to kiss just the outside, right at the toe of her socks. It makes her blush more than she expects and that makes you laugh. Your voice is thick, genuine desire making her want to keen a little. She wants you spoil her, but you already know that.

"Like," You pretend to think, locking eyes with her. She doesn't know if she could get more red, but she feels she does. "If I were to strip you down to everything but these, that'd look really lewd right? It's like that."

"Is that what you want to do?"

You nod at her easily. "Seeing you bent over the side of the couch , on the tips of your toes. Or maybe laying on your stomach with your legs up so I can fuck you more properly. It's a nice image, I thought."

She pouts at you, almost perpetually - shoving a foot against your cheek as she does. You laugh at her as she does.

"You're such a pervert."

"Sorry." Your voice is warm and tender but not really all that apologetic. She huffs, turning your head to one side.

"It can't be helped, then." She says, one eyes closed and cheeky. You laugh at her good-naturedly.

"What a good girl you are, Ochako-chan,"

She feels her heart flutter, positioning herself to sit on her knees so she can kiss you. Her hands support her in front, arms wrapped around your neck as she flutters her lashes. "The best?"

You hum, pressing a hot kiss to her jaw. "The best. Let me see more of you, okay?"

"Okay," She huffs, a little annoyed by how easy she is. "I don't mind keeping the socks on."

"Good girl." You praise again, throaty and just barely thick. "My very good girl."

Ochako doesn't mind your lack of subtlety, she thinks. The throbbing between her legs is enough to prove she likes when you're very, very forward.

#ochako x reader #bnha x reader #this isn't smut really but its nt fluff either fdbfjskd #writing tag #feet cw #i feel insane and this was inevitable

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wandascosmic · 2 months

Text

i remember it all too well

wanda maximoff x fem!reader

summary: when you get a phone call in the middle of the night, you think nothing of it. what you didn't expect to hear was the worst news of your life.

word count: 1252

warnings: heavy angst, car accident, mention of dying

a/n: this is some of my older writing so the writing style is a little different

Y/N is jolted awake by the sudden sound of ringing beside her bed. She rolls over, eyes half closed, glancing at the caller ID.

“Don’t know them.” She mumbles, rolling over, so her back is facing away from her bedside table, closing her eyes once more. There’s a beat of silence, until the phone starts ringing once more. She groans, grabbing her phone halfheartedly, her thumb right above the decline button.

Suddenly, she jolts up, recognizing the number and her eyes go wide. Taking a deep breath, she accepts the call.

“Nat?” She asks, putting the phone to her ear.

“Y/N? Oh my god, Y/N, thank god you answered.” Natasha says with a frantic voice, sounding like she was out of breath.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Y/N asks, getting out of bed, her worry increasing by the minute. This is Nat, the rock-solid, always composed fiery redhead who sounds frazzled. Something is incredibly wrong, and Y/N’s anxiety is only increasing by the minute.

“Nothing-Wait, yes, something, I’m sorry, is this a bad time?”

“No, no, it's okay. Deep breath, okay?” Y/N says. Natasha exhales. “Can you tell me what's going on?”

“Well it’s not exactly good news-”

“Nat, it’s fine. What’s happening?”

Your blood runs cold at the words that come next.

“Y/N, Wanda’s been in a car accident.”

Y/N’s heart drops, and she freezes in place, unable to speak. Is this real? “Y/N, are you still there?”

“My Wanda?”

“Yeah,” Natasha breathes out.

“Am I dreaming?”

Natasha sighs. “No, you’re not.”

“How'd it happen?” Y/N asks, on autopilot.

“I don’t know, it was really sudden. I just got a call 5 minutes ago from Shield Hospital, apparently, she lost control of the wheel, and she ended up sandwiched in between two cars both driving towards her. They say she’s lucky to still be alive.” Y/N nods, despite Natasha’s inability to see her face. “Y/N, do you think you could do me a favor?”

“Yeah, anything,” Y/N nods, biting her nail to keep herself in the present, her worry increasing by the minute.

“I’m on a business trip, so I’m out of the country at the moment. I swear I’ll be at the hospital by tomorrow morning, at the latest in the afternoon, but do you think you could go to the hospital and check on Wanda for me, please? Just to tell me how she is? And,” Nat pauses, “for yourself?”

“Yeah, sure,” Y/N says, opening her closet and finding the quickest outfit she can.

“I’ll get there in about 20 minutes and I’ll text you, how’s that?” Y/N says, still barely processing the events that have just happened.

“Perfect, thanks.”

Y/N quickly says goodbye and hangs up the phone. The second she steps outside, memories of Wanda overwhelming her every thought.

“Come on, detka! It’ll be fun, I’m finally old enough! I wanna see what my options are!” Wanda says, holding Y/N’s hand behind her, dragging them both towards the DMV.

“Maximoff, you don’t even have your license,” Y/N says, laughing, her gaze trapped on the girl she’s lucky enough to call her girlfriend.

“I know, but I’m a great driver. I beat you and Pietro in that racing game all the time.”

“Mario Kart, Wanda. And that’s not the same,” Y/N says, stopping them and dropping a quick kiss on Wanda’s lips, smiling down at her.

“Happy 16th, Wanda.”

Wanda smiles back, bringing her girlfriend into a deep kiss.

You wrap your arm around her, Wanda’s head instinctively going into the crook of your neck.

“I want that one,” Wanda says, pointing at a red sports car, that seems like it was only meant for her to drive.

“Whatever you want, Maximoff,” You peck her lips, resting your head on top of hers. “But you still need your license.”

Wanda pouts. “Pietro would’ve bought it for me by now.”

“Pietro bought a 2000 dollar gaming console for himself because it was your neighbors’ parrot’s birthday.”

“The old one was broken.”

“Still not justified.”

“You’re no fun, detka,” Wanda pouts.

And even though you’ve tried, you could never say no to her. “I’ll buy it for you next Saturday,” you kiss her cheek, “It’s Sunday today, your appointment is on Wednesday, and you’re obviously passing, so you’ll only have to wait 2 days before you can be on the road.”

Wanda’s eyes light up, her grin present on her face once more.

“You can never say no to me,” she teases, aware of your remarkable leniency when it came to her.

You blush. It was incredibly true, but that won’t stop you from trying to deny it. “That’s not true.”

Wanda laughs, the angelic sound reaching your ears and putting you in a trance only she’s capable of creating. “It’s absolutely true, milaya.”

If you could bottle Wanda’s laughter and get drunk on it every night, you would do it in a heartbeat.

“Fine, it’s true. Maybe stop being cute then I’ll be healed from the Maximoff trance you’ve expertly put me in.”

“Not a chance, detka,” Wanda kisses your cheek, then slips her hand into yours and interlocks both of your fingers. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

You hum. “Bummer, maybe then I wouldn’t have to restock all my sweaters every 3 months because a certain green-eyed witch keeps stealing them.”

Wanda slaps your arm, causing you to laugh.

“I’m kidding, baby.” You stop the both of you, pulling her into your arms. You bury your face into the crown of her head while she buries hers into the crook of your neck. You could stay here forever.

“I love you so much.” You tell her, closing your eyes and breathing in her perfume.

“I love you too,” Wanda answers, tightening her arms around you as much as she can.

You don’t know how long the two of you stand there, when suddenly you’re struck by the sight of Wanda in your mind, bedridden, covered in stitches, and dying. Because of a car accident. That could never happen. You wouldn’t allow it.

Wanda notices your change in demeanor and pulls away, her brows furrowing and concern in her eyes.

You put both your hands on her cheeks, staring into her transcendent emerald eyes, only a few centimeters away from your own.

“Promise me you’ll be safe in that car, ok?” You tell her with tears in your eyes. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Wanda.”

She smiles, holding both your wrists and rubbing her thumbs over the back of your hand. “I promise, detka,” She kisses you, and you feel the worry dissipate from your body. “I’ll be ok.”

You take a deep breath, letting your anxious thoughts calm down. “Ok, good,” you say as you grab her hand once more. “Let’s go scare Pietro at your party, ok? I can’t wait to get him back for last year.”

Wanda chuckles at your antics, her laugh becoming a serene smile on her face. She didn’t care about the party. You had already made everything perfect in her mind.

As the two of you start walking, Wanda’s voice cuts through the air.

“Hey, Y/N?” You hum in response.

“I never want to lose you either.”

Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you back your car out of your driveway.

Then, you drive off into the night, in the direction of your dying, once greatest love.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff angst #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wandamaximoff #wanda maximoff fluff #marvel mcu #mcu #wanda x you #wanda x y/n #wanda marvel

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iamjacksragingboner · 9 months

Text

Gross Childhood Best Friend Soap - Alternate Endings

Word count: 1.3K

Warnings: Some angst but like you'll live, you don't end up with Soap though you're rejecting him like that's the whole thing

Part One: You can find part one with the original, happy ending here. Please read that one first so you're up to speed with the context to these other endings.

A/N: As I was writing the end of the Gross Childhood Best Friend Soap fic, I briefly had the thought to make the reader reject Soap, like bitch oh my god have some self worth you don't need to immediately forgive him for being a dick to you.

Anyway, this alternate ending could go one of two ways.

The Immediate Rejection.

“Why don’tcha come back to mine with me, bonnie,” Johnny coos, and for a moment you almost accept his offer.

Almost.

Sure, the boy you’d spent way too many years pining over and never gave you the time of day finally paying attention to you was great, in theory, but it only took a second of reminiscing to think better of it.

This boy was the reason you spent so many nights walking home alone, cursing yourself for falling for his shallow promises spoken by sugar sweet lips again and again.

"Ah, no. Thanks Johnny, but I'm not interested." It comes out dry, but you hope it gets the point across. He had missed his window of opportunity years ago.

Johnny laughs and jostles your shoulder. "Come on, lass. Just a night! Doesn't have tae mean anythin'. I've missed ye."

You hold strong to your word, as attractive as Johnny is, and always has been, you know you're better than that. "Really Johnny, I'm not in the mood."

His hand skirts up your thigh and you groan internally at his inability to take the neon-coloured hint. "I bet I can change that for ye."

Swallowing your pride, you lean into Johnny and cup a hand to whisper into his ear "I have like three STD's at the moment, dude. I don't think you wanna bump uglies with me currently."

It was a silly lie, but you knew it would be more than enough to get the message through his relatively thick skull. You were right, of course, because as you pulled back to take a look at the expression on his face, you had to fight not to burst into laughter.

Johnny looked as though he'd sucked on a lemon but was trying not to let it show. He'd pulled back from you by at least a foot as well, and kept his hands firmly clasped in his lap. "Ah," he said, and cleared his throat. "Well. Good to know."

"Yup."

Silence. You wondered how long it would take Johnny to get up and scout out a different lady, as you were sure he would after this.

As it turns out, it took a grand total of a minute and a half for him to get up, bid his adieus and walk out of the bar, promising he'd call you soon, and wishing you all the best with your... things.

You downed the rest of your drink with a wicked grin stretching across your cheeks and walked merrily home.

2. The Gradual Realisation of Self Worth.

He only comes to you when he needs you.

Only gives you affection when he knows it'll benefit him.

Leaves you cold and alone in bed.

Tells you you're beautiful, says he loves you, but only when you're actively serving him. Patching his wounds. Sending him care packages. Buying him drinks. Always giving, but never receiving.

The bed is so cold.

You curl in on yourself night after night, but you never cry. You are convinced that surely, one day he will return your affection. One day he'll prove you right and show that he has changed, has given up on his shallow promises. You ignore the voice in your head that tells you he hasn't.

You spent so long trying to fix him, put so much time into trying to make him a better person, telling him to eat better, to keep his room clean, teaching him to cook, teaching this man the bare minimum, only to get nothing in return.

He didn't love you, and at this point you weren’t even sure if you liked him. Did you like him, or did you like the comfort of having someone that could hold you, if he wanted to. There was never a guarantee.

You fixed him, but you didn't get to reap the benefits of your own hard work. You fixed him so he could go an fuck over the next person a little less.

You start rejecting his advances, ignoring his texts asking you to come over for a quick fuck. You stop sending him care packages with home made food and letters telling him about how you've been since he was home. You don't answer the door when he knocks. Quitting him cold turkey.

Eventually, he stops texting, stops calling, doesn't throw rocks at your window.

There is silence; a breath of fresh air.

You bump into him at a bar a few months later. You make polite small talk, and he flashes you that grin that pulled you in the first time, but it falls flat and slips from his face. You move away from the hand that caresses your waist.

"Let's get out of here," he bends down to whisper in your ear, "come back to mine, I've missed ye, bonnie." Johnny's hand creeps up your face, a wolf-like grin stretches and snarls across his cheeks.

Your face turns stony, ashen. "Leave me alone, John."

His grin falters at the omission of his nickname, the name you had always called him. In all your years of knowing each other, not once had you called him John.

"Bonnie," Johnny starts, concern flicking over his face. What a joke. He chooses to care now, when he's at risk of losing his quick fuck.

"Don't call me that," your voice is sharp, cutting through the pollution he's breathed on you for so long. "Do not speak to me as if you've ever given more than two shits about me, because I know for a fact the only thing you see me as is a hole to shove your dick in."

You had passed the point of mourning over what could have been, of what you wanted this 'relationship' to be. You were only capable of feeling anger and distain towards the man before you.

"Now, lass, there's no need for ye think that," Johnny rubs your arm in an attempt of comfort that came all too late. "yer more than that to me, I promise."

I promise.

"Fuck you and your promises, John," you spit, slapping his hand away from you, creating distance between you, because as far as you're concerned, he lost the privilege of touching you long ago. "You're always promising things, but you never mean any of it, do you?"

Johnny stays quiet, his mouth hanging ajar and his hand hovering in midair, as if he's shocked that his actions suddenly have consequences.

"I have tried for so long to continue to see the good in you, to believe that if I just tried a little harder, you'd actually want to pay attention to me, but I look back on that decision to try and I just feel so... stupid! So utterly stupid for not seeing you for what you are, John. Look I want to wish you the best in your future relationships but honestly I think I'd much prefer if you went and choked to death on a bag of dicks."

As much as you thought it would be cathartic to say even a quarter of what you felt Johnny needed to hear, it honestly wasn't. Johnny was silent as you picked up your things and left the bar. He at least had enough of a brain to not call you, but part of you wished he did. The part of you that still hoped the Johnny you grew up with was in there.

You hugged your arms to your chest and kicked the rocks on the pavement as you walked home alone. Again. You went to bed alone. Again. But it felt better.

Johnny wasn't coming back, and you were glad.

#john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #soap call of duty #soap cod #soap x reader #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #soap mactavish x reader #childhood best friend x reader #john mactavish x reader #john mactavish

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tiny-wooden-robot-fics · 4 months

Text

Onset - Chapter One

Rating: Explicit Media: Jujutsu Kaisen/JJK Pairing: Geto Suguru x Original Female Character Characters: Geto Suguru, Valerie (OC) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Established Friendship, Geto and OC are roommates, Self-Insert, Smut, Penis in Vagina Sex, Creampie, Brief mention of an inability to get pregnant, Unprotected Sex, Cunnilingus, if I tagged everything we'd be here all day, This is part of a series

Part 3 of Sundane

Previous Part: Egg Fried Rice

Summary:

“What the fuck, Suguru?” She knows her skin doesn’t flush red, but she raises her hands to cover her face anyway.

“What?” He sits up, pulling his fingers out of her and nonchalantly bringing them to his mouth to suck her slick off of them. “We’ve been roommates for three years. You gonna pretend you’ve never heard me jerking off?” He raises an eyebrow at her when she peeks at him from between her fingers.

She silently and somewhat begrudgingly admits that he’s right.

“So where are they?”

“Why do you want to know?”

Read on AO3

“Why my bedroom?”

She means for it to sound like a complaint, but her tone is not quite right. She’s more aroused than annoyed - embarrassingly so, she might admit if forced to - her words pointed in the direction of the ceiling because tilting her head that way is the best way to keep Suguru doing what he’s doing.

At the moment, he has his face buried in her neck, treating his lips and teeth and tongue to the taste of her skin and working on leaving what is sure to be an impressive family of hickeys come morning.

“Because,” he mumbles in between kisses, “your bed is more comfortable than mine.”

She knows he’s right; on more than one occasion she’s found him napping in her room. “I told you to get the pillow top mattress,” she laughs. “Now I bet you wish you had listened to me.”

He raises his head to look at her. “My mattress is the last thing on my mind right now.”

It’s a fair point. And while she may have set out to complain about where they’re doing what they’re doing, any further grousing she’s planned to do gets sidelined by the reality of what they’re doing. Hating the fact that she’s being so pragmatic about things, she tugs lightly on a handful of his hair to get his attention. “Suguru.”

“Hm.” He’s slid down her body to take a vested interest in tonguing her nipples through the thin fabric of her sports bra and is only half-listening.

“Suguru.” She says his name again, this time with slightly more urgency.

“What.” It’s not quite a whine, but it’s close enough, and she almost feels bad for interrupting when he’s clearly having as much fun as she is.

“Before we get too… distracted,” she huffs, trying to ignore the way he looks: hair disheveled, lips wet with spit, one hand on her hip and the other toying with the nipple he’s just taken his mouth off of as he looks up at her. “Do you have something? I… don’t. It’s been a while.”

Suguru makes a concerted effort to understand what she’s saying. When her meaning is clear, he shakes his head. “Don’t need it.” He lowers his mouth to her breast again, this time sliding her sports bra up and effectively removing the last barrier between her skin and his tongue.

“Wait,” she protests, even though she does nothing to stop him. She helps him along, in fact, by raising her arms above her head so he can slide the bra completely off of her body. “That’s---”

“Come on,” he interrupts her, right before making a little trail of kisses from the place under the swell of her breast to her navel. “Just once, I wanna go without. We’re both clean and I already know you can’t get pregnant, remember?” He grins up at her from where he’s come to rest between her thighs, his chin on her belly.

“You’re not wrong, but you didn’t have to say it that way,” she sighs. Despite her words, she widens her legs to let him settle himself more comfortably between them.

“Sorry,” he says, still grinning and sounding anything but apologetic as he relieves her of her shorts and the panties beneath them. “I’ll make it up to you.”

And he sets out to do just that.

She thinks it’s a little unfair how good Suguru is at what he’s doing, but it isn’t really a surprise. It’s as if he’s known all along what her favorite things are - the way he teases her entrance with the tip of his tongue, or the way he somehow just seems to know that wetting his finger and sliding it between the left side of her clit and her outer labia makes her produce some of the prettiest moans he’s ever heard. Suguru eats her out slowly and sloppily, letting his mouth do most of the work while he buries two fingers inside her so he can relish the feel of her tightening and pulsing around them.

She’s quiet, but he knows she likes it from the way she’s holding fistfuls of his hair, tugging his head this way and that to guide his mouth where she wants it. Suguru lets her, even though he knows those parts of his scalp are going to be sore when it’s all said and done.

Nor does he tell her that he’s only ever let one other person put their hands in his hair like this. He doesn’t know what she would make of that kind of admission anyway.

When she comes, he stills his fingers completely but doesn’t withdraw them. His mouth, however, keeps busy. He slows and softens his pace just enough to keep her in that place between post-orgasmic pleasantness and overstimulation, mouthing at all the spots he now knows she likes. She’s still twitching and fluttering around his fingers when he speaks. “Hey… where are your toys?”

“Toys?” She parrots the word, confused and still coming down from her high. “What toys?”

“You know what toys.” He grins up at her. “The ones I heard you using a few nights ago.”

“What the fuck, Suguru?” She knows her skin doesn’t flush red, but she raises her hands to cover her face anyway.

She silently and somewhat begrudgingly admits that he’s right.

“So where are they?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why the fuck do you think I want to know?” He laughs. “I’d like to see what you’re used to.”

She uncovers her face and looks dubiously at him. She says nothing, instead simply motioning towards the drawer in her nightstand and watching him rummage through her colorful collection of toys.

“You can take this?” The ‘this’ in question is a dildo in his hand, the largest one she owns.

She nods.

Amused, he raises his eyebrows. “You like it?”

“Yes,” she snaps, embarrassment getting the better of her and making the word sound much more defensive than she intends it to. “Is that a problem?”

“Nope,” Suguru replies smugly. “Just means I don’t have to wonder whether or not mine can fit.”

She wants so badly to put him in his place, but one look at the way his cock springs free when he comes out of his bottoms shuts her mouth.

“What’s the matter?” He nudges his body between her open legs, her bottle of lube in one hand and his cock in the other. “Are you scared of it?” His words are teasing, as is the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth.

“Of that? You wish,” she retorts with a roll of her eyes. “I was just wondering if you treat all the women you sleep with this shitty.” Even as her mouth forms the insult, she’s grateful for the way he liberally coats himself in lube.

“You think this is shitty?” He laughs, holding his cock between his thumb and forefinger and repeatedly slapping it against her still-sensitive clit. She bites back - just barely - the little noise of pleasure that threatens to escape her as he does so. “I’m giving you the princess treatment, if you really wanna know the truth.”

Anything she’s intending to say gets lost, swallowed by the feel of Suguru’s lips on hers and the head of his cock pushing at her entrance.

“Fuck,” he mumbles into her mouth, when he’s fully seated inside her. As good as he’s been imagining she would feel around him, the reality is that she feels even better. Suguru leans back to look down at her, making the mistake of meeting her eyes.

“Oh,” she says quietly. He doesn’t know what she sees in his expression to make her react that way, but whatever it is can’t be bad - she’s looking up at him with soft, gentle eyes.

He just might lose himself if he’s not careful.

Time to laugh it off. “Better than your best toy, right?” He pushes that smug undertone into his voice again.

He’s expecting a sharp response, something snarky and perhaps mildly insulting. What he gets instead is more of those soft, gentle eyes. She cups his face in her hands and brings his mouth to hers, kissing him in a way that feels much too intimate and romantic for the way he’s about to fuck her.

Suguru can’t figure out if it’s good or bad, and the uncertainty of it makes him want to crawl out of his skin.

He pulls his hips back, slamming them into her again hard enough to make him worry for a split second that he’s actually hurt her. The way she clenches around him and the little sound she makes is enough to put that fear to rest, and he takes her wrapping her arms around him as permission to keep going.

So he does.

He pounds into her hard, registering that he’s probably going too hard but not really able to stop himself. Tit for tat, he thinks, hissing as he feels her nails raking down his shoulders in a way that he’s sure will break the skin. Her hips rock up to meet his on every thrust, his balls slapping against her ass.

“Quit clawing at me like a damn bobcat,” he grunts between thrusts, his hair falling around her like silk and tickling her shoulders as he lowers his head to her neck. The retort that’s halfway out of her mouth dies on her lips when his teeth make contact with her skin. He wants to bite her hard enough for it to hurt, but his mouth and his brain are misaligned in their interests and he ends up sucking desperately at the place where her neck meets her shoulder.

“S-Sugu--ruuu,” she wails in a stuttering breath, and he feels a little bit vindicated because of it. She’s been so damn quiet, and that isn’t what he wants. He wants her loud. He wants her saying his name over and over like she’s praying to a god. He wants her drooling and stupid with her eyes rolled back in her head and her brain gone dumb as he gets her drunk on and addicted to the feeling of his cock.

He wants to completely unmake her.

The thought stabs him in the side with an unexplained pang of guilt, but he ignores it. “Still think it’s shitty, Valerie?” He pants, his breath warming the side of her face. “Still thinking about my cheap mattress and all that other unnecessary shit?”

She stares back up at him, and there it is: that glazed-over, fucked-out look he’s been waiting for.

She wonders if he can see the thoughts in her head… if he knows just how good it feels, how her sweat-slicked body is surrounding him in all the ways she can be. Her arms encircling his broad shoulders, her legs wrapped tightly around his hips, her pussy stretched and stuffed full of his cock. Suguru is bigger than her toy - she’s sure of it now - and she wonders absently if she will ever be satisfied with anything other than him for the rest of her life.

She isn’t sure what he’s reaching for when his hand leaves her side, and understanding of what’s in his hand when it returns doesn’t dawn on her until she feels the vibrations of it.

“Y-you,” is all she has time to get out before he works the little purple toy between their bodies to place it right up against her clit. He stills his hips, but it doesn’t blunt the vibrator’s effect on her. “That’s not fair,” she gasps, her voice pitched high and thin as her control slips.

“I’m just being a gentleman,” he laughs stiltedly. One look at him is all it takes for her to understand that his own control is slipping - he’s sweating too, tendrils of damp hair stuck to his face and his muscles taut with the effort to keep himself in check. “Yeah,” he says, as though she’s asked him a question. “So go ahead and come for me first… hm?”

Val hates that her body chooses that moment to do exactly that, her climax syncing with his words as though what he’s said is a command for her to obey. Suguru tosses the vibrator over the side of the bed, and she doesn’t have time to wonder whether or not its clattering fall to the floor has broken it before his lips are on hers, tongue bullying its way into her mouth much the same way his cock is bullying its way in and out of her spasming walls.

He doesn’t pull out of her when he comes, just pushes into her as deep as he can and buries his teeth in the tender flesh of her left breast. The bite is more pleasurable than painful. Still, she lets out a little yelp that prompts him to drag his lips across the spot, soothing it with his tongue.

The two of them stay as they are for a few minutes after, chests rising and falling in tandem as they try to catch their breath. She threads her fingers through his hair, apologizing to him without words for all the places she’s yanked at it and massaging his scalp to alleviate the soreness.

He slips out of her and she tries not to wince, but her thighs are achy from being pushed open so wide and for so long. “Okay… I guess I need to add more flexibility training to my weekly rotation,” she manages with a laugh. Suguru doesn’t respond. His gaze is trained between her legs, and he’s got two fingers pressed against her pussy, gently prodding at her. “Suguru… what are you doing?”

“Putting the cream back in the pie,” he murmurs. He watches his cum leak out of her, catching it with those same two fingers and pushing it back inside of her. There’s no pang of guilt in his side anymore, but the feeling that has replaced it is something he’s only ever felt a variation of, and not in a long time.

It feels… almost proprietary, seeing a part of him leaking out of her. It speaks to something long-forgotten inside of him, that urge to stuff it all back into her body and to keep that piece of him there with her.

Valerie is about to tell him how bad his joke was when she catches sight of the expression on his face. She gets the sense that while what Suguru has said was meant to sound like a joke, the meaning behind what he’s doing isn’t lighthearted at all. So she keeps quiet, letting him continue what he’s doing and feeling the warmth radiate off of his body as she plays in his hair.

“So,” Suguru finally says, raising his head and resting his cheek against her abdomen so he can look at her over the swell of her breast. “How was your rebound fuck?”

It makes her laugh, even though she feels the need to set him straight about it. “It wasn’t a rebound fuck,” she says, when she’s stopped chuckling. “Rebound fucks usually happen pretty quickly after a breakup, you know.”

“Damn, that’s disappointing,” he teases her, even as he curls his arms around her waist and leans into the gentle touch of her fingertips on his sore scalp. “I wanted to be able to put that on my resume. If I’m not your rebound fuck, then what was I?”

Val is quiet for a minute, still soothing his scalp in all the places she’d pulled too hard at his hair. “Not to stroke your ego or anything, but you were pretty fucking amazing,” she admits. “I take back what I said about it being shitty,” she adds with a smile. “So now I’ll ask you again: do you treat all the women you take to bed this way?”

She asks the question, not really wanting to know the answer but feeling like it’s important to ask anyway.

“Yeah,” he answers after a moment. “It doesn’t hurt to make them feel special, even if they’re not.”

She doesn’t know how to feel about that, so she tucks the ambiguity of her emotions away and stays quiet.

Chapter Two

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tossball-stick · 3 days

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heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang.

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive.

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child.

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family.

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man.

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him.

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you.

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe.

he can shape up and be good, he just never does.

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack.

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal.

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences.

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)."

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

#john marston #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr #rdr2 #rdr1 #red dead redemption analysis #rdr2 analysis #red string on the corkboard #if anything ive written is insensitive towards arospec people lmk and ill fix it ^-^

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