#i only read crime and punishment out of all this 😭

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

IT'S ME AGAIN HIHIHIHI i wanted to ask whether u have read crime and punishment???? i've been thinking about it a lot and now it keeps popping up whereever i go and ofc bsd fyodor exists too and i keep thinking about him and sighhh i think i should do it..... (i literally already have the book too......)

- @catchuuu

MICKEY U HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE…….….. i HAVE in fact read crime and punishment and i’m gonna let u in on a very embarrassing secret if u promise not to laugh :’3

……. i bought the book and read it…. because of fyodor bsd…………………….. look. i wanted to get into classic lit ok and. i just thought he was hot 😭😭 so i was like hmmmm let’s check out his works IT’S SO EMBARRASSING BUT I THINK I WAS REAL AS HELL TOO…………

anyway i was pretty young so it might not have been the best choice, it’s a VERY heavy book just language-wise, dostoevsky is not for the weak 😭😭 but it’s very good and interesting too!! i think i would love it even more if i reread it now… dostoevsky is basically known for being kind of a master at exploring the human mind and obv the main thing he explores in this book is guilt. and how the mc raskolnikov begins to punish himself for his crime the moment he commits it…. i like it it’s good :33 would def recommend it!! but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and some scenes are very Raw. there’s one that’s pretty infamous where the mc dreams about one of his childhood memories right?? when he saw a horse get whipped to death… and it’s just really. ough. made me feel kinda sick. stuff like that is common for dostoevsky so watch out!!!

ooohhh and mickey !! while we’re on the topic of russian lit :333 gogol is super good too !! so far i’ve only read one of his shorter stories, diary of a madman, but that one was so cool. i like him a lot he’s definitely …. a lot more unhinged than dosto….

[factual-fantasy]

Okay so I did some research on Seam and realized that it would be a crime to not add him to my AU in someway where him and Jevil reconcile and they escape to the multiverse together and are free and they're best friends and- 😭😭😭

I had a dark story all thought up for this but half way through drawing I changed the story so this isn't really canon anymore?? Or it might be idk- my Deltarune AU is only a few days into development so its constantly changing <XDD Sorry-

If anyone's interested in the story I've got it below the Keep reading :}} (Fair warning, its rather dark and disturbing..)

TLDR: This story is super dark and interesting to me but it might not be canon XD

ANYWAYS! The story behind this was Jevil and Seam come from a very dark and corrupt AU. Ruled by an even darker and wicked King (Lancers dad). In this AU they were Kings royal Magician and Jester as per usual. They were best friends though and preformed these beautiful displays of magic together. Side by side, hand in hand. They were best friends for years and always dreamed of one day running away together and finding a safe place to live.

Eventually Jevil met someone. Someone who spoke of a way to leave this place. They spoke of walking through your own reflection. And if done right, one could leave their AU entirely.. Jevil believed them out of desperation and tried to tell Seam about it. Seam thought Jevil was losing his mind. Walking through your own reflection? That makes no sense..

King caught wind of them plotting to escape. And as punishment to both of them he commanded Seam to lock Jevil away using his own magic.

In Seams eyes, Jevil was his best friend. His brother, the only thing in this world that he could trust. But he was more afraid of what King would do to him or Jevil for disobeying him, then he was willing to stand up against him. So while believing Jevil was sick in the head and needed help, he acted out of cowardice and sealed Jevil away..

I'm thinking that eventually sometime later, Jevil is able to escape through his own reflection. A mirror. And either he goes back and sees Seam dressed in these beautiful robes and thinks "well the king must be treating him well. Guess I'll just leave him to reap the benefits of betraying me.. >:(" And leaves with a bitter heart. THAT, or he just left. Never going back to check on Seam or see if King was treating him well or not.

So the AU continues. With Jevil traveling from world to world, meeting new people and learning new things.. When eventually he's with the whole gang and they're all sitting in a restaurant or something.

When Jevil suddenly feels this overwhelming sense of doom. Something horrible is about to happen to Seam. He just knows it, its in his bones. Deep within his soul he can feel it. He knows- he needs to save him.

He falls back out of his chair into a mirror and heads straight for his old AU. Showing up just in time to stop Seam from.. well..

They end up talking. Turns out that after Jevil was imprisoned, Seam tried to sneak down to the basement and visit him. He wanted to apologize for imprisoning him and explain himself- but he was caught by King.

"I just wanted to see him!"

"For that I will take your eye."

"NO! Please don't take my eye!!"

"For talking back, I will take your voice too."

King took Seams eye and stitched his mouth shut. He could still talk but not very well. To make things worse, when Jevil escaped? Seam thought he had died. Why wouldn't he? His magical barrier was never broken and Jevil was gone. Surly he must have died somehow.. Meanwhile everyone else was under the impression that Seam let Jevil escape because they were friends.

Seam then suffered greatly for years as punishment for "letting Jevil escape". He was bound by these magical chains made by King. He was abused for years and at this point he had enough. But before he could do anything rash.. Jevil returned.

Jevil then felt the sinking horror realizing that he left Seam alone in this world to be abused by King. He abandoned him. After all those years of promising to one day run away together..

Seam betrayed Jevil, and Jevil abandoned Seam.

After realizing all of this and having a long emotional talk. Seam and Jevil deeply apologized to the other, and forgave each other. Marking the beginning of their new friendship. And despite Seam feeling like he doesn't deserve freedom, he agreed to run away with Jevil and finally be free with him.

~~~~

Now this story is super cool and morbid and all but now I'm questioning the story and wether or not I want it to be canon <XD

I have some other ideas that I really like too and this one is just a biiiiit dark... ish. I mean I've made worse- but idk I guess this one just has a bad taste to it..

I also like the idea that Seam has been with Jevil this whole time and was the first person he saved. Which motivated him to try and save other people and give them the same freedom that he gave to Seam. But then that would change the Grillby fight and Spamton situation a bit and also maybe effect the Goner kid situation- GAH!! I'll figure it out eventually- <XDD

I hope this wasn't too hard to stomach and if you read all the way through I thank you :}} 💖

[lookismaddict]

Lookism Chapter 438 Memes/Thoughts I Have:

(SPOILERS !!! I don’t own any of the Lookism panels and the translations. Only the memes that I made.)

God. It’s like every week, I get even more tired than the previous week. What has my life come to? I feel so dead inside.

Anyways, wooooo new chapter is here. Let’s goooooooo!!!

“DiD yOu JuSt HiT a CoP ?” Yeah mf. Call it “injustice” or a “crime”, IDC. Daniel gon beat yo ass GTA style. 😤

It’s ok Daniel, go get him!!!

*h e a v y s i g h*

. . .

PLEASE. EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND WHILE I… “TAKE CARE OF SOME BUSINESS”.

*stays in the bathroom for about 30 min*

I'M KIDDING... not really.

BRUH EVEN DANIEL IS NAKED? AROUND GUN??? This is dangerous. 😭😭😭

OHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAHHHHHDDDD.... SIRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! THE WET HAIR THOOOOOO. 😩😩🤤🤤🤤🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

I def know what I want for Christmas this year... 👀

Santa would definitely kill me in my sleep...

N S F W M E M E W A R N I N G !!!

(If you don't wanna see the inappropriate meme, just scroll past it.)

God, my 😺 been quivering... What? I bet those of you who read Rendezvous would agree that you want him too. I'M LOOKING AT YOU!! READERS WHO'VE READ THOSE CHAPTERS ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT, SMH. 👁👁 Don't lie.

Man, this is giving me mad inspiration to write again. Who knew that some steamy shower panels would bring me back to continue writing for that story? How ironic. 😅

YESSSSSS GUN BBG, MAN WHORE, DADDYYYYYYY. 🥰

DAAAAAAAAMMMNNNNN DANIEL, BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE FANCY FIGHTING SPINS!!! Also, "I'm gonna get punished severely when I get back." 🧐 Is Gun gonna make you give him 🧠 or nah? Like what?

BRUHHHHHHHHHH. DANIEL NOOOOOOOOOO!!! 😭😭😭

AWWWW BABY, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT. JUST CONTINUE TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL!!! 🥺🥺

Awwwww shit... Is this where I think this is going...? 😭

Hey Alexa, play "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.

OMG WAIT. HE DOESN'T LOOK THAT DIFFERENT FROM WHEN HE WENT CRAZY MODE IN HIS OTHER BODY!!! :O God, it's like the same demon possessed Daniel or something.

OK DANIELLLLL!!! I SEE YOUUUUUU, KING!!!! 😩😩👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

AYO, IS THAT JAKE'S OLDER BROTHER??? 👀 HOW TF JAMES LEE KNEW ABOUT HIM AND NOT EVEN HIS OWN BROTHER, JAKE KIM KNEW ABOUT HIM UNTIL TOM LEE MENTIONED HIM??? 💀💀💀💀

Geez, I'm starting to feel bad for Jichang. Like, ok Daniel, I get it. Your fight with Jichang started because you're trying to find out more about Jinyoung and all that, but... y'all can't just... talk it out? 😅 "Civilized folks" style? No? Ok.

Oh crap... that's not good. 😬

B R U H. THESE PANELS GAVE ME MAD GOOSEBUMPS. SHIIIIIT. I HOPE DANIEL'S HOMIES ARRIVE!!!! 😖

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW ITTTTTTT!!! I TOLD Y'ALL WTF. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I EVEN KNEW IT IN THE LAST REVIEW HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I GOT PSYCHIC POWERS. 🔮

SEE???? I CONCLUDED THIS LAST WEEK WITH MY OWN WORDS, BRUH. CALL ME A... G E N I U S. ✨ (Actually don't. I'm still a dumbass.)

"Thanks. I almost died just now." 💀💀💀💀 Idk why I thought that line from Hudson was funny to me LMFAOOO. Just caught me off guard because I mostly see him being so serious all the time. Also, Jichang... don't underestimate Daniel lol. It'll be your downfall if you do.

I stg. Almost every chapter, Daniel always gets even more attractive. 😍😍

I always see people comment on how Daniel is turning more into Gun due to how he has improved in fighting as the story progresses. HOWEVER, I've never heard Daniel becoming James Lee before and I find that concept very interesting. I'm not sure if PTJ is leading Daniel towards that path of him becoming the new "James Lee", since he is a self-righteous character who seeks truth.

Even though I find this moment to be very cool, I worry that Daniel might create more enemies for himself and I hope he doesn't kill anyone then spiral into long-term guilt like James Lee.

God, I still can't get over the GUN SHOWER PANELS. AHHHHHHHHH!!! HIM... NAKED??? I MEAN, COME ON MAN. HE LITERALLY IS EXPENSIVE ALCOHOL WHO REALLY AGED SO GOOD. SO TASTY. SO DELICIOUS. SO SCRUMPT-DIDDLY-UMPTIOUUUSSSSS!!! CALL ME A CONNOISSEUR, BUT HE CAN BE THE YAMATO TO MY HENNESSY, WITH HIS HIGH PRICED SEXY ASS. 🤤🤤🖤🖤🖤🖤

If any one mentions him in the shower, yk Imma be "showering" down there. 💦

ALSO, WE NEED MORE SHOWER FAN SERVICE PTJ. KEEP 'EM COMING!!!

The correct answer is "Both".

They'd be amazing Calvin Klein models.

Anyways, BYE- 🏃🏽‍♀️

[vaniliens]

Trans fairy tail characters go

- Levi. Most nonbinary person to nonbinary.

- being transmasc would fix erza I think. Or maybe just a he/him lesbian. Give erza testosterone she needs it

- as I said gajeel is nonbinary in a masc way. I don't this Metallica gave a single fuck about gender so gajeel didn't know what it was until he showed up in civilization. Uses he/him but could not care less. All pronouns kind of guy.

- Natsu is a similar but because igneel was a guy Natsu wanted to be to, and he wants to be just like his dad

- I feel like Fried (Freed? It's been like 4 years since the fairy tail hyperfixation) is bigender

- speaking of laxus' crew the knight guy with the souls. Agender. His name escapes me.

- gray is transmasc I make the rules. He and Lyon are both transmasc. They saw each other on galuna Island and mutually understood each other through their twisted siblingesque relationship that they were both men now but they all had bigger problems to content with

- I could see laxus as transfem. But so deeply in the closet it would be physically impossible for him to leave or externalize it. Because it's laxus

I hope you have a lovely day

THANK YOU FOR THESE HEAD CANONS I LOVE THESE SM??? TRANSFEM LAXUS WHOS SO DEEP IN THE CLOSET,,,, SO TRUE,,,, Transmasc Gray & Agender/NB Natsu my beloved headcanons too 😭😭‼️‼️ The dragon slayers would not know a thing about gender‼️‼️‼️‼️ And bickslow wouldnt care about gender either!!! Auauagh these are so good your mind is just 🎇🎇🎇

Here's a list of Everyone else i think might be trans too btw;

TRANSFEM/MASC / BIGENDER / NB LESBIAN JUVIA‼️‼️ I feel like she started E a little before Phantom Lord arc started but also, i feel like she could be transmasc but be as deep into the closet as Laxus is because of her heteronormative view 😭 Like her thinking shes definitely a woman because she "loves" Gray for being her savior (Cough. Its not a crush it was just admiration but she didnt know because- Cough. And she thought only women and men can be in love (Probably Bora's fault 🙄🙄🙄 but also she could've just read a lot of cishet love stories)) I imagine she'd only recognize how shes transmasc around the time she starts shipping Gray with Lyon when she thought "Oh gay people are fine actually" (& thus her lesbian / wlw awakening begins & she learns about how everyone else in the guild is queer & some trans) But i have no clue whether she recognizes it almost immediately or later on in her life once she detaches herself from Gray for once!!! SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT THIS I have very complicated thoughts about Juvia & how shes been written & amatonormativity and stuff 😭🫶 shes a silly girl...

As ive mentioned before, Transfem Jellal 😌😌 I kinda only hc it because one of mutuals do too and i thought she was so right for that BUT ALSO!!! I feel like for Jellal he'd be too busy hating himself & trying to atone to realize or like. deal with it properly. "I could be a he/him transfem but im still a sinner so i dont have time to think about that rn" style!! Also maybe a few undertones of toxic masculinity seeping in (He has to be A Man and Man Up to face his punishments and to better himself or whatever)

Also Ultear & Meredy are trans too. but in what way you ask? I dunno,,,, they could be all be bigender and i wouldn't have bat an eye,,,,,,

TRANSFEM. BISCA. I like to think she found out she was transfem like pretty early on back when she was still living in Alvarez but kept herself closeted because she didnt have time to deal with it,,, until she moved to Fiore and went under her "Mulan Rouge" alias to start doing crime 👍 did her own DIY HRT until she joined FT when she finally had a legitimate source of income.

Maybe alzack is trans too that way they could be t4t 🫶

NONBINARY MIDNIGHT. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. NO QUESTIONS. THEY REPEATEDLY MAKE THE AUDIENCE QUESTION THEIR GENDER. GOD I WISH I WAS THEM.

T4T Elfever my beloved. Theres just no way they're cishet im sorry. They're too manly and too womanly to be cis. No cis person could ever be as masc 24/7 as elfman and as femme 24/7 as evergreen. Also the way Elfman refers to her as a 'woman' even though he usually calls EVERYONE a 'man'???

Nonbinary / transfem lisanna my beloved <333 im leaning more into agender though because i truly dont think she cares about gender that much especially after she came back to earthland BUT AT THE SAME TIME I know how much she likes her skirts and dresses

Agender Zeref in the "I dont care" and "I dont have time for this" and the "I Hate myself too much" way / style BABEYYYYY!!! This guys too full of issues to care about his pronouns but even if he did he would not give himself the freedom to think about it too much. Cmon hes been living for 400 years and God told him personally that hes not allowed to enjoy life.

I think thats all for now 😭 I think the entire FT guild is queer in some way like c'mon the themes in the story and everything just kinda makes that obvious in a way whether or not Mashima intended it 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, AGAIN!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!

[just-antithings]

I know I'm suffering from alarm fatigue and my suspicions are probably not true, but recently one of the webtoons I follow got discontinued by the artist who said on Twitter that they stopped specifically because they were supposedly harassed by proshippers that were demanding the more popular ship of 2 main characters (the protag and the antagonist) be made canon and they "spoiled" the ending twist revealing they are "literally blood siblings". Now I don't really see how this is "spoiling the whole story as punishment" given this webtoon is supposed to be a crime thriller about catching serial killers not a will they won't they romance thing. And like I figured out that twist ages ago at the beginning of the story because this ain't my first rodeo with this kind of story and there is a decent amount of forshadowing but that is what made me start shipping these 2 in the first place cuz I love fictional incest lol. I can however see that a probably decent majority of people even shipping these 2 likely had no idea. Which adds to my suspicions that if the author actually got harassed (Idk if they did but it's definitely horrible if they did), I'm wondering if they were actually harassed by antis because antis are usually the ones trying to harass others about ships. I'm also sus if they even were actually harassed at all or if they weren't blocking the right tags and making it everyone else's problem, or claiming the harassment when it was just people openly sharing their love of the series in their own spaces in their own way, or outright lying about the harassment because they wrote themselves into a corner they didn't know how to write it of and instead of just accepting some plot holes or whatever tried to deflect onto an easy target, or maybe they didn't get acceptance for a new season so decided to go the burn everything down route. Idk I'm just so used to experiencing harassment only from antis and antis then whenever someone says hey wtf stop is to claim they are the ones being harassed that I'm just sus of it all now. But regardless ever since the announcement and subsequent "spoiling" of their own series, the comment sections and tags are unbearably anti filled declaring the shippers evil and worse and I'm so freaking tired. I also wonder if this behavior will bite them in the toucas later considering they are a full time webtoon originals creator. I mean I know I probably won't be reading their next works since it's clear they might do this again and I'm not gonna trust them like that. I'm also bummed because the story and the characters were so interesting and promising and I was so excited to see where it was gonna go. But nope never getting the rest of the story because Twitter bs 😭.

Ugh what a mess

[sleepy-vix]

Hi...If you don't mind, can I ask your top 7 fav (fictional) books and your top 3 fav (non fictional) books of all time? And why you love them? Thanks if you want to answer....

(Do you mind if I send you an ask from bookish ask game)?

ooohh do send me bookish asks! i love talking abt literature

tho i gotta admit that i havent read many non fiction books (like, at all). i'm trying to get into them more often, but it's hard to find anything that interests me and also is not laid out in a high school textbook style

i'm planning to read alot of books on psychology soon tho (carl jung to start with)

the only psychology book ive read so far is quiet by susan cain and i loved it- that's the only non fiction book that i have for my "top 3 fav non fiction books" 😭

and as for fiction, well idk if i can rank them in order but i'll try

1. The Poppy War (R.F. Kuang)

2. Crime and Punishment (Dostoyevsky) (i really want to read more dostoyevsky agsvsjs but for now ive only read this one. im really looking forward to notes from underground)

3. The Secret History (Donna Tartt) (the writing is so swoonworthy oh my god)

4. No longer human (Osamu Dazai)

5. Solitaire (Alice Oseman)

6. If we were villains (m.l. rio)

7. Six of crows (leigh bardugo)

honestly i think this ranking system is out of order but this is how it is for now... it is VERY subject to change

tysmmm for the ask

[gothy-froggy]

Can you do a scenario with the scene dk trilogy

Where Jonathan is the """"judge""""" in gotham and his s/o is helping him bc they're also his partner in crime or stuff

(This one 😭)

"JUDGE" JONATHAN CRANE WITH HELPFUL! S/O

YES! Finally can make this after watching all the Dark Knight movies (loved it)

He married you as soon as he got out. He just couldn't wait. Since he was the "judge," he decided that you both are married.

He made a whole place next to him for you to be next to him. Before the ones in "trial" show up he goes over the list.

He will get people to find anyone who wronged you. He will show no mercy. Will literally give them to people to torture however they decide to.

He's a little....bat-shit crazy at this point. He'll help you up to the "throne" and talks your ear off about the power you both have.

"My dear, look at how much power we have now. We can control everything and do everything." He desperately spoke quietly. Jonathan caressed your cheek with his thumb.

"Nothing can keep us apart now. We are the law, the government, the city. We own it."

Please do help him. He has SO many people to punish and execute! He has piles and piles of work. He gets a little grumpy and snappy.

"That's a lot of work honey."

"Ah really? I haven't noticed myself yet, love." He snaps with a glare. He takes his glasses off and brings a hand to his head.

"Sorry, just a lot of work."

"Here, give me the piles and we'll go through them. Together."

Jonathan looks up with a stupid smirk.

"I'm not fond of superheros, but it seems I've fallen for one." He mutters as he kisses the palm of your hand.

He got some people to steal pretty rings off of people before the trial starts for the two of you.

"Dear, what should we do with this one here?"

"I think you should make him walk on the frozen water."

"We've made a decision!"

He definitely lost his goddamn mind fully, but he loves you just as much as before. And that's something that'll never change.

He will punish anyone by request. Anyone. It's his way of saying thank you for reading names off from the piles of work, bringing him beverages, giving him a massage when needed, taking over when something's wrong, etc.

He finds it really attractive when you get pissed off at someone during a trial. Yelling and making them go quiet gets Jonathan only staring at you.

Let's just say he'll be showing his appreciation in another way.... ;)

[hitsugaya-toushirou]

If I can ask, what reads do you dislike from the fandom? It's ok if you don't want to answer, I was just curious.

I'm so sorry anon this ended up being extremely disjointed and kind of stream of consciousness 😭

In general there's too many to count honestly, but in reference to that post I made 👇

It's umm. Very bewildering to me to act like Ichigo is depressed in the Fullbring arc because he's living a normal life, instead of that y'know... He's powerless? More powerless than he's ever been in his whole life even? He didn't just lose the powers he gained over the series and get reset to zero, it went beyond that and he even lost the ability to see ghosts, which he's probably had since he was born.

Not only did he have to grapple with that, he was kind of uhh isolated? From the spiritual stuff. Rukia never visited in a gigai (she has a job to do I get it lol). His dad never feels the need to explain ANYTHING to him, leaving him open to Ginjou's manipulation. Urahara obviously has not been keeping contact with him seeing how Ichigo was so suspicious of Karin at his shop. (Neither of them stopping Tsukishima from attacking his friends and family is a whole other can of worms.) Watching his friends go off and fight Hollows while he has to sit there unable to do a thing? It's lonely. It's depressing. That's why he fell prey to such a shady group like Xcution! He was desperate for even a shred of his former power!

And you have to remember that the first half of Bleach before the timeskip takes place over... 6 months-ish? Give or take. Ichigo was constantly fighting for his life, or his soul, or his friends lives, or the worlds. He never actually got to rest with just the security of having his powers in his life lol.

Ah, it's also very funny to me to think Ichigo would join the Gotei when he dies lol. Like that is just nooot a good choice for him to make. If he was smart it would play out like this:

Gotei 13: Omg Ichigo u finally died! We have a spot open just for u!! 🤗

Ichigo: ...I'm a substitute tho 😐

And then he goes and kicks it in Rukongai with all his homies. Like obviously he'll visit plenty to hang out and give them a hand with things, but he shouldn't enlist. Could you imagine?

Let's just put him in two canon situations.

"Ichigo we need you to go slaughter an entire race of people because they won't do as they're told, and are making our jobs harder. We are giving up on diplomacy and going full genocide babey! Men, women, helpless children and elderly and all!" or "Hey! Things are kinda out of wack Ichigo :/ Can you go slaughter a bunch of Rukongai citizens to level things out? About 28,000. Thankies 😚"

Even if it's for the so-called "greater good" do you think he would do it? Absolutely not.

Okay so now what? Is he committing treason by refusing? Is he getting jailed? Is he fighting all his friends now to stop them from killing innocent people? Is he throwing a coup?

Being a Shinigami is NOT just cleansing Hollows, and Ichigo would have a deep moral opposition to a lot of it.

Like there's a group that's straight up assassinating people, and everyone knows it lol. There are people jailed not because they have committed any crime, but because maybe they could be dangerous some day. Who even knows what fully constitutes as dangerous? There's people like Mayuri obviously, but who's to say someone who advocates for switching to a new system of government isn't considered dangerous? And all we've seen is likely just the tip of the iceberg.

And to say Ichigo would change it all... Ichigo changed the hearts of the upper echelon of the Gotei a little bit but guess what... They're not in charge!!! The Seireitei is an aristocracy-based militia. The Central 46 make the rules, the Central 46 dole out the punishments. These rich haughty people who only care about their own self-interest are not gonna listen to Ichigo, they're not gonna be changed by him. So now what? Are we back to a coup? Lmao

Also like. On top of all that, for the entire series besides the epilogue, Ichigo is a teenager lol. I doubt he even understands the full workings of Japanese politics, let alone the intricacies of a feudal ghost aristocracy, that he only stepped foot in for... less than a month? And he was fighting tooth and nail for a large chunk of that lmao.

An entire government is just not something you can change with a punch or sword strike (Well I guess technically you could with a lot of sword strikes, but that's a tooon of bloodshed and not a route Ichigo would go down). Also like. It's not Ichigo's responsibility!!! It should not be on the shoulders of a child to overturn the corrupt layout of a world he doesn't live in!!!

I don't know where to end this so, apologies for the tangent <3

[senso1954]

i just read the posts about british boarding school for the elite. do you think any films came out of the experience these kids had there? just curious.

absolutely! though surprisingly little, as far as i know. makes sense i guess for the conformity of it all. i've tried to collect some that go into the abusive and forced conformist situations and aren't just nostalgia:

the most famous and damning is probably if.... from 1968, screenplay by david sherwin and john howlett who both went to tonbridge school. i thought it has its lengths but is overall a really great watch...

another country is firmly the same, corporal punishment, elite, room and board... writer julian mitchell went to winchester college, plus it's based on the cambridge five anyway

the history boys was adapted for the screen and though it's about a grammar school without boarding and past the age of corporal punishment being legal, it's very much in that spirit— some people find the nostalgic, forgiving light it shines on sexual harrasser teacher hector very very distasteful but i honestly think it's damningly par for the course for that genre; if you read the whole article you'll know it's practically mandatory for tory public school boys to stay friends with their abusers later in life lol

the rainbow (ken russell's adaptation of the d.h. lawrence novel) is one of the only examples of something like this i can think of with girls (not a boarding school either), i really really like this movie but i think most other people don't 😭 it has some really bad acting in it and the tone is crazy but i love it...

the other example i have is jane eyre's early years, i think susanna white's bbc miniseries adaptation from 2006 is great

i asked my friend cate who has encyclopedic knowledge of uk cinema and she also suggested good and bad at games (1983) which sounds exactly right and i'm excited to see it, as well as the military academy-set soveireign's company which was alan clarke's first big shocker. merry christmas mr lawrence also has a pivotal flashback scene to public school abuse.

those are all i can think of that kind of fit into the category i wanted to list here but there's a super rich vein of satire or drama very directly about the british upper class that evoke all this as an implied background; the ruling class, lawrence of arabia, my favie tv show bbc the hour, the tv adaptation of the line of beauty which i'm currently reading 😚, nothing but the best 1964 ("isnt set in public school but has denholm elliot schooling alan bates in its ways for crime and subliminal bisexuality" - cate), maurice, even brideshead revisited and decline and fall lol

[aureatchi]

no because the last thing i was expecting was fyodor’s backstory all of a sudden 😭😭 personally, i was thinking his backstory would be him beinf a somewhat “normal” person until spiraling into the mindset he has now. i definitely don’t think it’s over for him though, even if it means someone else is carrying out his plans

i also think the anime ended at atsushi and akutagawa so that viewers will run to the manga (which is still behind 💀). i feel like season 6, after they adapt whatever light novel, will open up with either the events leading up to the ending scene or fyodor’s backstory

also the theory with fyodor manipulating fukuchi does make sense!! fyodor can definitely twist things so that the whole plan they came up with seems like the only solution. seeing that part again with fukuchi + fukuzawa at the end though made me :((

also always feel free to share more theories, i’d love to hear them <3

omg yeah. this may be an unpopular opinion but i’ve never really wanted any of the “fyodor isn’t human” theories to turn out bcz i really like him as human lmfao. 😭 or the he being centuries old LMAO no wonder he sometimes reminds me of muzan kibutsuji. niki said maybe “demon fyodor” is quite literal lol. but tbh i really wanted to see kid fedya—my bad i think i’m so biased by all the childhood bsfs to lovers i’ve read on here haha

exactly !! + they also did fukufuku’s entire scene so that the finale could cut out the entire sigma’s memories from it. (omg it’s so long idek if we’ll see my fav aku & atsushi by may LOL)

EXACTLY with the manipulation !! and the last panel too :< i didn’t think it could even be sadder than the anime but… :’)

okay current theories !! (light beast & dead apple spoilers)

i have a couple on wtf is going on with fyodor. my initial thought and what i still think is most reasonable is that he fornicated his memories with his(?) ability somehow beforehand because imo i find it crazy he actually let sigma look through his memories and just leave him there w/out taking extra precaution? then the time travel theory could be possible because the amenogozen exists…so it wouldn’t be that far off? 🤷🏻‍♀️ (can you tell i’m still in shock + don’t want to accept the immortality direction we’re currently going in)

this one which i’ve been thinking about for awhile !! (this is also my favorite one.) obviously fyodor is super smart, so i found it odd that dazai is the only one who knows about the multiverse. i pointed out how i was super nervous dazai implied he didn’t get something for once (him saying “i just don’t get it…”) and then @chuuyrr brought it up later, saying this could be how fyodor was one step ahead. he could’ve figured out about the multiple universes too (without dazai’s knowledge) + he was able to get his hands on one page of the book. also mentioning the scar he has in this chapter to further add to our theory.

finally…okay i’ll address it lol. in dead apple where fyodor gives his infamous “crime and punishment” speech, it implies there is a duality or separation of his ability (literally crime as one persona and punishment as another.) there are so many parallels to fyodor’s situation in this chapter—him with ace (conversation), the helicopter (stabbed with a metal rod/he is about to get speared.) so, it would make sense that some type of resurrection/not being able to die power could be part of his ability, even if we’ve seen that his ability is that he kills people with a touch. two parts.

anyways, those are my theories on specifically fyodor. honestly, all of them could be wrong. any previous assumption i had was already shattered by this chapter, so we’ll have to wait until april to see whether they’ll be mended or further disintegrated HAHA.

[twisted-fucked-up-sunflower]

my thoughts on crime and punishment characters!!

Raskolnikov: he’s so babygirl, he’s just like me fr. Minus the killing people part and the ubermensch complex he has. I’d argue he’s schizotypal but that’s likely not true. So I headcanon him as such. (If it’s unclear, I am schizotypal myself)

Razumikhin: Undisputed best bisexual representation in literature, my GOAT, love him to death, XOXO. No further comments. Perfect character.

Dunia: [to Svidrigailov] GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER (I wrote this in the book pages where it was relevant). She’s as smart as Rodia from what I read, though she wasn’t developed a lot as a character I think? I still need to re-read the book later. She should’ve shot the revolver at the guy’s head. Probably didn’t want to end up like her brother, though. Unlikely she’d come out winning from killing a man with connections, as evil as he was.

Pulkeria: Didn’t really find her too interesting, but I think that’s because she wasn’t focused on a lot. Remarkably patient towards Rodia, it was infuriating when Rodia just fucked off and didn’t speak to them (Dunia and Pulkeria) for days. His ungrateful ass. I get this habit, though, since I have it myself. Sometimes people are upsetting to be around, for no reason, might I add.

Svidrigailov: Exceedingly, unabashedly, shamelessly despicable. Hate him with my heart. He seems like a parallel to Rodia, and the book seems to focus on this from Rodia’s own observations. Parallel not in a good way, I’ll clarify, but in a “What if he was completely evil” way. I’ve got 40 pages left to read in this book and I’d like it if within the next 20 he ****** himself. Irredeemable but really interesting at the psychological level. He’s insane, it seems. Or maybe also schizotypal. Either way words cannot describe how much I hate this man.

Porfiry: Not much to say here, he ate Raskolnikov up both times they talked though, gagged him 😭 #embarrassing

Lujin/Luzhin (not sure on how it’s spelt): He’s so laughable. Gets insulted once, subsequently sends word of how it hurt his feewings to get clocked at the psychological level by the brother of the woman he’s going to marry, at his historic age like FOH ☠️. And I was livid when he tried to incriminate Sonia/Sofya (I prefer Sonia tbh) like bro really tried that shit 😂😂😂. He got owned by Rodion every single time he tried to fight back it was so fucking funny. Pathetic ass man. Glad he called off the marriage. Asshole.

Sonia: She’s Rodion’s love interest, it seems. I don’t get why she’s going to go to Siberia with him, though. Her family’s taken care of (by SVIDRIGAILOV of all people) and she hasn’t committed any crimes. Is it just something to do with misogyny or something related to it? She told Rodia to confess to his crime to atone, but in a *catholic* way. It’s crazy she got burdened with the knowledge of Rodia’s crimes and still said “Oh how you suffer! Atone for your sin willingly, it’s your only way to get rid of the guilt!” Her abnegate character showed a bit here, methinks. Still, why the fuck would she go to Siberia? Just because she *loves* Rodia? They both seem like they fell in love with each other for some odd reason, or maybe none at all so yeah. She’s also a favorite because of the way they describe her, the blue eyes seem like something I’d like to draw, when I get to it. Though, it’s curious that it’s Svidrigailov in love with Dunia and Raskolnikov in love with Sonia. Dunia and Sonia get stuck with the two murderous morons. (Well, not Dunia, because she managed to get Svidrigailov to not assault her. Again, DESPICABLE man, that one. Hope he dies :D) 

 Anastasia/Anastasya: I love her so much, I wish we’d gotten to see her interact with Razumikhin more because their dynamic was funny to me. She also laughed with a snort if I recall and that is so real of her. She also helped Rodia with food, basically kept his stupid ass alive for free before Razumikhin came back.

Zamiotov: Not much to say about him, really. Funny when Rodia explained in detail how he ‘would have’ gone about murdering Alyona, though. Fucking hilarious to read that shit. Most obvious criminal of all time.

Marmeladov: God knows how many pages he went on telling Rodia his entire life story. Perfect character. No notes.

Catarina/Sonia’s mother: Very tragic. Her death made me feel sad. But the parts before that when she was just DRAGGING Amelia Lippewechsel, she was so real for that.

I think I might be missing a few characters. No worries! I won’t update this lol. I hope those who read, if any do, find this funny. 

[linagram]

can you drop hints for the next linagram 🥺

sure! i just wanna say that a lot of things are not set in stone for now and there is a possibility that i will change some of them (for example, i wanted to post the beta designs, but now i'm looking at them and.. yeah, i don't think they show the characters' personalities that well hsdksks i'm going to change them).

but for now, here's what the next linagram is going to have for sure:

it will have ten prisoners (five male and five female), just like this one and the canon one.

most pairs' themes have already been decided, i'm just trying to come up with better titles/descriptions for them. i can definitely say that one of the pairs will have a "praise" theme. at first i was going to give one of the pairs something like a "smothering" (?) theme, basically, something similar to mahiru's crime: they ended up loving someone a little too much for that person to handle. but now that i'm looking at their crimes and their relationships with those people, i think "worship" sounds like a better theme for them?.. IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FROM AKIO AND ARATA'S CASE I PROMISE.

i've mentioned this before, but i feel like these prisoners' crimes are more.. like, they don't come from anger and some of them aren't exactly violent, a lot of those crimes are actually accidental/indirect in some way (however, it doesn't excuse those prisoners' behavior, because in a lot of those cases, it's like.. basically, even if it was an accident, it would've happened anyway sooner or later), and those accidental murders feel so different to me, for example, one of them actually makes me feel sorry for the murderer, meanwhile the other one is like.. yeah, that prisoner made some really bad decisions, haha.

i think the best way to describe these prisoners' crimes right now is "they thought they were doing a good thing" or "they thought they were doing the right thing". whether it's them doing something really horrible only for their own sake or whether it's them trying to "save" someone in a very cruel and twisted way, most of those prisoners genuinely think they were right and that their crimes were "the only way out". most current linagram prisoners think the same way, but like.. a lot of them are proud of what they did. eiko thinks her victim 100% deserved to die, riku also thought that his victim should die, naomi can say stuff like "i should be punished" but she still hates her victim and she's one of those prisoners who would kill again if given the opportunity. these guys, however.. they're kind of delusional when it comes to their murders, to be honest. like they'd just stare at the guard and go "huh? i did something bad? what are you talking about? :D"

this is just a fun detail (to me, at least) but i think it's interesting how in current linagram, most male prisoners are minors and almost all female prisoners are adults (aimi is the only teenager), meanwhile in the second one all male prisoners are adults (though one of them has.. kind of a vague age) and the youngest one is 18 years old. there are still only two female prisoners who are minors (one of them is 16 years old and the other one is 15), but still, i just find it fun to compare them.

i have a feeling that the first prisoner will follow in akio's footsteps and also get voted guilty in season 1 dhjdkskldl. that prisoner and akio have some similarities too, though that prisoner feels a lot more guilty to me.

TWO OF THE FEMALE PRISONERS ARE GOING TO BE SO CHAOTIC.

i actually have some mvs' concepts ready, and, like.. i have a feeling that if those were actual videos and people watched one of them with no context at all, that prisoner would get the worst guilty ratio ever 😭 it's. kinda weird to say the least, i'll probably change it or maybe i should keep it to show that character's "less likeable" side

there are gonna be at least two "gaslight gatekeep girlboss" side characters

andddd if you're curious, you can read their "teaser" (like the very first milgram teaser, the one where they're just kind of talking over each other) lines under the cut!

(001 to 010 order)

"If you need any help, you can always rely on me!"

"Uh.. I think you've got the wrong person.."

"It's no surprise that I've ended up in a place like this."

"So I just went "Oops, did I do that?" and, uh, that's it!"

"I just wanted to protect everyone's children.."

"You can't fight your fate."

"Someone is waiting for me at home, you know?"

"We were.. such a happy family.."

"'Cause I'm nothing but a doll!~"

"I did my job and I did it really, really well!~"

[shoyoist]

ive heard amazing things about emma !! i think there was a movie adaptation with anya taylor joy as emma and i heard clueless was like a modern adaptation of it as well !! thatll def be the first one i read from the list <3 plus !! ive also heard wonders about the picture of dorian gray n now that it was the rekha™️ seal of approval ill go ahead and give it a read as well 🫡

i'd also love to hear about your top faves and how getting into classic lit might have changed/shaped the way you think? did it have a positive impact or sometimes a negative one? do u think it helped with your writing? how did you get into classic lit as well !! go full geek on me id love to hear you out :D 💕

HAHA the rekha™ seal of approval ‼️ YES YES emma had such a good movie adaptation. my favourite lines were delivered SO WELL i loved itt. & yes, clueless was based on emma as well! that's how you know it's a really fucking good story imo <3 and hmmm, i have such a hard time choosing faves out of anything i enjoy, whether it be songs or shows or books...

but really, the picture of dorian gray🏆. the fantasy elements and the villain protagonist and everything just SLAPS so hard i loved it from start to finish. the entire message of the book is revealed to you in the first few chapters, so you sort of spend the rest of the book wishing and begging the main character to get the message as well? that's how it felt to me. the entire time i was like PLEASE REALIZE!! YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE CHERISHED! JUST THE WAY YOU AREE 💔💔 lmao i was very heated and very absorbed the entire time. i've been listening to an audiobook ver. recently and it's great as well!

apart from that, i really like fyodor dostoevsky's novels. the brothers karamazov, and crime and punishment are my fav works of his! they have pretty dark themes in them though.

+ yes omg reading classics definitely helped my written and spoken english. i read my first classic (in eighth grade, with a dictionary beside me because i did not understand like 70% of the big words in it 😭 and ever since then my english has only improved with the help of my big books<3 and also my view on lots of things in life were gradually changed. we all know how beautiful the quotes in classic lit. are, and when you actually get to them by the process of reading the book, it hits much harder and you receive the meaning so clearly. i think amongst other things, reading made me a lot more romantic HAHA

[dkfile]

best friends over gel pens

❛ before renjun is the person you’re in love with, before he’s your best friend, he is one thing—a little shit. ❜

word count | 4.1k (4,146) genre | fluff, slice of life, friends to lovers, slight soulmate & past life au (? idk not rlly)

your beauty marks indicate where your soulmate in your past life liked kissing you the most—and also, for some reason, renjun has a habit of pressing his lips to your hands.

★ warnings | like one mention of death, edited idk there may be some few mistakes here or there i kinda just skimmed through it 😭

Contrary to popular belief, Renjun is not the type of person to be prepared come the apocalypse. No, you’re pretty sure he would sacrifice food if it meant having to leave behind his beloved gel pens.

He has an odd fascination with them, having several packs in the drawer of his desk. His collection grows with each passing week, but you have yet to see him actually use the items he holds so dearly to his heart.

He loves those things so much that he could barely lie through his teeth when you told him that, during the end of the world, he’d 100% sacrifice you to the zombies. Maybe he just couldn’t focus because the two of you were in the stationary section of the store and the colourful notebooks caught his eye more than his ears perked up in interest to the conversation. It’s your fault for catching him at a bad time.

You find Renjun in the hair products aisle, grazing his fingers over the boxes of hair dye. He hears your footsteps before he sees you, and when your eyes meet, he grins.

“There you are. I can’t believe you made me get those pens for you when you could’ve gotten them yourself. Do you know I had to steal these from a mom’s shopping cart? I swear she saw—what are you doing?”

Renjun holds up two boxes of hair dye, swinging them in front of your face. “Blue or purple?”

“I don’t know? You’d look fine in both.”

Just like you expected, Renjun huffs at your disappointing answer. “I don’t wanna look fine, I wanna look so good that everyone who sees me will immediately fall in love with me,” He places the products back on the shelf, pouting. “I might as well get something out of this stupid punishment.”

He’s referring to the punishment he got for losing against Donghyuck yesterday. “Stop pouting over a bet you knew you were going to lose.”

“Well, is it so bad I had faith in our basketball team?” Renjun grumbles, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “You don’t understand, my life is being torn to shreds. Not only is the school’s losing streak still going, but I lost a bet to Donghyuck, of all people.”

A laugh you were forcing down spills out of your mouth and you ignore the blazing glare Renjun sends your way. “Quit being a sore loser and just pick a colour to dye your hair so we can finally get out of here.”

“No. The longer I stay here, the longer I delay Donghyuck touching a hair on my head.”

You shrug, picking up a bottle of shampoo and examining the back. “Not my problem.”

You don’t register Renjun’s silence, too immersed in reading the tiny letters at the back of the shampoo bottle and opening the lid to take a whiff of it. Scrunching your nose, you click the cap back on and put it back, turning to look at Renjun only to see him stating at you as if a lightbulb has just gone off in his mind.

“Listen—”

“No.”

“You haven’t even listened to what I have to say!”

You’re certain you drew the short end of the stick when fate decided to put you and Renjun together, making you the first person he thinks of whenever he needs an accomplice for one of his crimes. You’re sure that, at one point in your life, you’ll have to be his getaway driver in a jewel theft.

So, basically—you are Renjun’s proclaimed partner in crime, but it always ends badly for you. Always.

Your eyes narrow. “Renjun.”

“What if—” he puts a finger up to silence any of your protests, “—you convince Donghyuck to let you dye my hair. I trust you more than him, anyway.”

“And what makes you think he’ll listen to me?”

“All you have to do is do that puppy dog eye thing and then you’re golden,” Renjun takes a step back, stretching his arms toward you in a think-about-how-amazing-my-idea-is manner. “Come on, Y/N, do it for me, I’ll love you forever.”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you say, “You said that to me the last time you needed a favour.”

Renjun sighs, dropping his arms to his sides before defeatedly murmuring, “I’ll let you pick the colour.”

The corners of your mouth tug upwards. “Deal.”

Before you have the chance to take a step back and examine the wide variety of colour hair dye you have to choose from, Renjun’s hands wrap around yours, and he presses his mouth to your knuckles. His kisses engulf you in elation and relief; when he lets go and exhales, you can see the thankfulness in his expression. Your stomach flutters.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he says repeatedly, wrapping his arms around you for a brief second. His smile is blinding. “You’re a lifesaver, I love you.”

You laugh at his theatrics, before reaching over to grab the first box of hair dye that catches your eye. When Renjun’s gaze falls onto the colour, he blanches, a frown immediately wiping his smile away.

“Absolutely not.”

“You said I could choose!”

“Anything but that.”

“You’re so overdramatic,” you sniff, turning on your heel to leave the aisle and walk towards the checkout. “You’ll look great!”

“Admit it, I look terrible.”

A surprising amount of sincerity pours out of Donghyuck as his jaw goes slack and he mumbles a soft, “Holy shit, dude, you look good,” he catches your eye over Renjun’s shoulder. “Can you dye my hair, too? I have some dye at home.”

Yeri looks up from her phone. “Why the fuck would you have that?”

Donghyuck shrugs. “Prank gone wrong. I don’t have time to get into it,” he slaps Renjun’s shoulder, causing the other boy to wince. “Pink really is your colour, man.”

Renjun eyes Donghyuck suspiciously as he replies hesitantly, “Thanks.”

“Yeah, we could just add some glitter into your hair and you’d look like those pens you hoard all the time.”

A brief scowl appears on Renjun’s face after he hears Donghyuck’s jab, then he stands up from his spot next to Yeri on the couch. Your best friend has been taking refuge at your apartment to avoid Donghyuck, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that, of all people Huang Renjun would run to, it would be you.

The two start to bicker, with Donghyuck reaching over and picking at some of the strands on Renjun’s head. Yeri throws you an exasperated look, begging you to kick them out because their voices are drowning out the noises coming from her phone. Exhaling, you catch Renjun’s eyes over Donghyuck’s shoulder, and he can already tell from your expression that you won’t be helping him win this argument.

He inhales sharply. “Y/N.”

Ignoring him, you say, “You guys need to take this discussion elsewhere,” you stand and start to push Donghyuck to the front door. “Renjun, touch some grass. You’ve been holed up in my room for two days.”

He whines. “Y/N.”

“This is a good idea, actually,” Donghyuck pipes up as he slips on his shoes. At the sound of his voice, Renjun’s face become more anguished, his lips dipping down into a pout. Donghyuck dismisses Renjun’s desperation, and adds on, “I need other people to see your hair.”

For the third time in the past forty seconds, Renjun chokes out, “Y/N.” Only this time, his hands have pressed against your own, holding them in a pleading way. “I’m begging you, let me stay.”

“Get some fresh air, Renjun.”

“I opened your window yesterday! I’ve had enough of it!”

Rolling your eyes, you reach down to pick up his shoes with the hand that’s managed to escape his grasp. “If you spend any more time here you might get sick of me—and I can’t have that. Who else on this planet will complain about me stealing their hoodies but not tell me where they bought them from?”

You fail to notice the way Renjun has softened when his eyes drop from your face to the article of clothing you’re wearing.

“I knew that sweater looked familiar,” Donghyuck butts in, eyes squinted. “Unbelievable. He lets you borrow his stuff, but if I get within three metres of his closet, he starts screaming like a fucking pterodactyl.”

“Fuck off,” Renjun hums. Then, to you, he says, “I could never get sick of you, by the way.”

When you’re unable to respond, Donghyuck speaks instead, giving you an odd look when you begin to stammer. He squeezes Renjun’s shoulder, commenting on how they should be leaving before Yeri kicks them out herself. Renjun is rooted to his spot though, almost as if he’s refusing to leave without hearing you say something first.

The most you can muster is an incredibly lame, “...Thanks. You too, I guess.”

“How romantic,” Donghyuck drawls. “Now let’s go.”

Your hand is burning under Renjun’s but you can’t seem to pull away. Once Donghyuck turns to unlock the doorknob, the pink-haired boy brings your knuckles up to his mouth and plants a soft peck on the back of your hand. In typical Renjun fashion, he smiles as if he isn’t causing your heart to beat out of your chest and takes a step towards the door before saying goodbye (albeit he looks a little pissed, since he’s being dragged outside to been seen by the public).

Once the door is shut and you lock the knob, you hear Yeri muse something from the couch. The place you two share is small, and she can basically see what happens by the door from the living room if she tilts her head backwards enough. As you slide back over to where she sits, you realize that she must’ve been watching everything.

You feel uneasy. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing.” After two uncomfortable beats, she says, “Can I see your hand for a second?”

She gives you no time to protest and grabs your wrist, her eyes narrowing. Frowning at her behaviour, you use your free hand to get the TV remote from the coffee table.

When the TV turns on, Yeri clicks her tongue. “You’ve got a mole here.”

Without looking, you respond, “Yeah, I know.”

“I saw this thing earlier about soulmates,” Yeri begins after she drops your hand. You side-eye her before you start to surf through the channels. “And I know you’re a sucker for this kind of stuff, so you’re going to love what I’m about to tell you—especially since you’re practically in love with Renjun and—”

“What?”

“Don’t interrupt me.”

“But—”

“Since you’re practically in love with Renjun,” Yeri repeats, emphasizing her words to shut you up. She grins when it works, “you’ll love this. Apparently, your beauty marks indicate where your soulmate…”

“Are you OK?” Renjun wonders, disregarding his half-empty cup of coffee and zeroing all his attention onto you. “You’ve been off for the past three days.”

You try to dismiss his question. “Oh, wow, you’ve been keeping count?”

“‘Course I have.” But his concerned gaze doesn’t waver. “Also you’re not that good at pretending something isn’t bothering you.”

“It’s nothing. Really,” you respond, even though you’re well aware Renjun won’t let this go until he sees the stress has been lifted from your shoulders and the tension eases off your back. “Yeri just said something to me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Renjun raises his eyebrows in anticipation, waiting for you to confess to him what’s been eating away at you. When you refuse, grabbing your phone and replying to the abundance of texts Jaemin has sent about the cute person sitting next to him in class, Renjun sighs disappointedly, although it gets lost when the door to the coffee shop rings and a group of rowdy students come barging in.

Originally, the both of you had come here to study, but doing homework in the coffee shop of all places is a bad idea, and you think Renjun only suggested coming here because he’s been deprived of espresso for a week (thanks to Jeno who broke their coffee machines the other day). You have a test on Monday that you’ve given up studying for, more interested in the notifications on your phone and ignoring Renjun’s prying eyes.

He never learned how to keep his nose in his own business, and you don’t suppose he’s planning to any time soon.

“Well, was it bad?” he attempts to get something out of you again, raising his voice so he can be heard over the enthusiastic customers lining up at the counter.

“Uh, no, not really. It kinda depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“On how you see it,” you huff. “It’s not that big of a deal, you don’t need to worry about it.”

He blinks. “I’ll buy you coffee for the rest of the week if you tell me.”

“...Are you bribing me to tell you what’s wrong?”

“Yes,” he nods firmly before he places a hand over his heart and clutches his chest. “But it’s only because I care about you.”

The hum that falls from your lips is barely audible, but you suppose Renjun thinks you’re considering his offer because he brightens. Truthfully, you don’t mind telling him what Yeri told you, but there’s a feeling in the back of your head that you can’t push away, a slight worry in the twinge of your stomach worrying about his reaction.

“Fine,” you say finally. It should be easy enough to brush off any embarrassment that might come. Besides, it’s not like you believe in soulmates. “She told me about this thing she saw on the internet—something about how your beauty marks indicate where your soulmate in your past life loved kissing you the most…” you trail off, watching a new emotion appear in Renjun’s irises. “But it’s dumb, anyway, because what kind of—”

“That’s what’s been on your mind?” he asks. He cracks a lazy smirk, but there’s an unusual tenderness to it that softens his appearance. Renjun’s smart, he can connect the dots quicker than anyone you know, but he says the next question anyway because you’re sure he loves it when other people squirm, “Don’t you have beauty marks on your hand?”

You scowl to hide the embarrassment climbing up the nape of your neck. “Oh, fuck off, you already know the answer to that.”

Renjun laughs, staining the atmosphere with bubbly pleasure. “I thought you were probably thinking about some big assignment or exam—not this,” he shakes his head, his smug smile softening. “Why are you thinking about something Yeri read off the internet?”

“It was interesting,” you shrug. There is a slight pang in your chest at his nonchalance, but mostly because you know why you’ve been pondering about it for the past few days. There’s no one else in your life who holds your hands with such caution and kisses your knuckles other than Renjun. But proclaiming he was your soulmate in your past life is an odd thing to say out loud, because before he’s the person you’re in love with, he’s your best friend.

There’s also your ego—this is something he’s bound to hold over your head for, possibly, the rest of eternity.

“I’m going to buy a scone, do you want anything?” he hums, tapping your index finger when you suddenly duck your head down and stare at the words in your textbook. You shake your head, murmuring a denial.

Perhaps you should’ve kept your hands on your lap and not rested them on the table, because before Renjun stands, his lips meet your skin—which is fine, this is something you’re used to; this is something he’s done before. What he hasn’t done before, however, is kiss every knuckle twice before he smiles against your hand.

Your heart gets caught in your throat.

“I’ll be back,” he declares, straightening his posture and grinning.

Before Renjun is the person you’re in love with, before he’s your best friend, he is one thing—a little shit.

You and Renjun are friends, first and foremost. It’s not really something you’ve announced or pinky promised in the sandbox when you were kids (mostly because you first met him when he spilled his drink on you at your first college party, but you’re sure Renjun was the child who lived off of spit shakes and trivial contracts made on scrap pieces of paper); it’s unspoken for all friendships, but for some reason, this unsaid vow is glaringly obvious in your bond with Renjun.

You aren’t completely sure why, but it’s possibly because you remind yourself of this every time you see him. Your crush on him kind of takes a toll on you, but it’s nothing serious.

The thing is, though, something has shifted after what you told him in the coffee shop. Dare you say, it’s like you two are the type of just friends that are obviously not just friends.

Yeri makes it known that you and Renjun have always been those types of friends to begin with, anyway, but even she agrees that he’s acting unusual. He grows smug whenever he sees you, his lips pulling upwards in a smirk that makes it look like someone’s boosted his ego. He’s touchy, opting to trail his fingers on your arm whenever you talk instead of drumming them on his thighs (which not only makes you stutter, but also causes him to crack a satisfied grin), and he interlaces your hands together more often than necessary.

Not that you mind.

It’s just hard to wrap your mind around the fact that he’s doing this. At first, you were frustrated, because there’s no doubt he’s realized you have feelings for him, and you assumed he was only messing with your head. Then, after cooling down and thinking rationally, you reminded yourself that Renjun isn’t that type of person.

So, really, there’s only one explanation for his behaviour, but it’s still hard to believe.

“I can’t believe Donghyuck is making me use my good pens for this,” Renjun complains, sitting on the floor in a sea of uncapped Sharpies and his oh so cherished glitter pens. “All for a poster for a surprise party he knows we’re throwing.”

You vigorously click Renjun’s favourite pink gel pen, laughing at the exasperated glare he throws you. “Give him a break, it’s his birthday.”

“Why couldn’t he have just asked for a card like a normal person?”

“Relax,” you retort, dipping your head down to fix the petals on the flower you’ve drawn. “At least you’re finally putting this stationary to good use! You claim these pens are your favourite thing ever but this is the first time I’ve ever seen you use them. Didn’t you say you’ve had that one—” you point to something by his foot “—since you were twelve?”

He examines the object with squinted eyes before humming. “Yeah, but I did use this a lot. It was good for doodling in the corners of my notes.”

“Literally all these pens are good for doodling.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “No, I mean this one was pretty fucking amazing. The glitter in the ink made the hearts I drew so much prettier.”

“I always assumed you were the kid who drew eyes on everything, not hearts.”

“Well, yeah, that too, but whenever I had a major crush on someone I would put their name and mine inside of a heart,” he shrugs, uncapping the pen before leaning down to write something on the poster. “Kind of like this.”

You narrow your eyes at the paper. Renjun watches your movements with an expectant smile.

Y/N and RENJUN.

You inhale, biting back a cheesy smile threatening to stretch your cheeks until they ache from content. “Are you finally confessing that you’re hopelessly in love with me?”

Renjun sighs, eyebrows raised at your comment, before he breathes out a barely audible, “Yes.”

The atmosphere suddenly grows tense, with you stiffening at the answer you weren’t expecting and him awaiting a reaction. Both of you are toeing dangerous territory, playing with fire you know can’t be extinguished after the flames have erupted. Once the line has been crossed, you can’t backtrack and pretend it never happened.

But you can’t bring yourself to care.

You realize, after giving in to impulse, that Renjun’s lips feel better on yours than they do on your hands.

He holds onto you like this is something he’s been waiting for, like he’s inflated himself with hope for what feels like forever and he’s finally got what he wanted. He pulls you closer and closer until he’s inhaling your scent and his arms are wrapped around your waist and— you’re pretty sure he tastes like heaven.

A pen digging into your leg is what pulls you apart, and you can’t bring yourself to care about the ink staining your new jeans (you’ll fret about that later) when Renjun’s eyes have widened and his lips are swollen.

After a pause, he murmurs, “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking in my past life,” he says in bewilderment as he scoots closer. “Kissing your hands was nothing compared to that.”

You shift and kick his leg.

“What makes you think you were my soulmate?” you ask curiously after everyone’s finished singing Happy Birthday to Donghyuck and scattered around his apartment, each party attendant holding a paper plate of cake. “Before we died, I mean.”

Renjun frowns as he swipes his thumb in the corner of your mouth, wiping away frosting. “Couldn’t you have thought of other ways to word that sentence?”

“Sorry,” you say half-heartedly. “I’m serious, though!”

“You really believe this soulmate theory, huh?”

You whine. “Renjun, please, I wanna know so bad.”

“Well, I don’t know, why wouldn’t I be?” he answers without hesitation. You wonder if this is something he’s thought of before, in the days before you kissed him where he spent torturing you with his sly smiles and subtle touches. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? I liked kissing your hands, and you just so happened to have beauty marks on there, simple as that.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “Right. That makes sense, actually.”

A grin splits across his face, and you already know that whatever he says next is going to leave you flustered. “And I don’t like the idea of someone else being your soulmate.”

“Aw,” you coo, trying to fight the heat creeping up your cheeks (obviously you can’t, seeing as Renjun’s smiling like the devil), “you love me so much, don’t you?”

He muses. “More than my glitter pens.”

Your eyebrows rise in surprise. “Oh, OK, now I know you really mean it.”

“What, you thought I was joking?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

Instead of protesting like you expected him to, Renjun leans forward. “Do you want me to say it again so you’ll remember? I love you more than stationary—actually, no, I love you so much I’d let you dye my hair again and pick the colour.”

“No way,” you exclaim. “Can you do purple next?”

“Wait, seriously? I was only kidding—”

“Hey!” Donghyuck shouts from where he’s talking with Jaemin by the wall. Both of them are looking at you and Renjun with a mixture of awe and disgust. “Can you lovebirds shut up? It’s my day today and you should be paying more attention to me and not each other.”

Yeri shakes her head. “Quit being so bitter, Donghyuck.”

Jeno, who stands at the dining table, is examining the poster taped to the wall. “You know, I would be bitter too if the poster at my birthday party said RENJUN loves Y/N.”

Donghyuck is quick to stumble to where Jeno is standing, face souring when his eyes land on the heart in the corner of the banner. “Oh, you’re fucking kidding,” he whips his head around. “You two better be naming your firstborn after me.”

You sputter. “All because of a poorly drawn heart?”

Renjun scoffs. “Poorly drawn?”

“Don’t look at me like that, Y/N, what’s wrong with naming your child Donghyuck?”

“I don’t want my child associated with you in any way.”

“Wait,” Renjun brings his hand up to stop Donghyuck from retorting. “Are you insinuating you want to have kids with me?”

“Well—no—I—” you huff, lightly shoving his shoulder. “Why are we having this conversation, we’ve been dating for a week!”

You hear Donghyuck mumble, “Worst week of my life.”

“Shut up,” Renjun says, throwing an arm over your shoulder. “You’re just pissed you’re still single.”

You lean into Renjun’s side while you cut off a piece of your cake. Donghyuck tuts and shakes his head before he groans, “I hate people in love.”

all rights reserved © dkfile 2021

[lune-legerement-ebrechee]

Fyodor's Ability Theory

We have seen that Fyodor's Ability can kill a person with physical contact. Moreover, it doesn't have to be a direct contact. My theory is that his ability "Crime and Punishment" can pass judgement on a person who has seen a 'fear of death'.

Considering Ace and Karma, Fyo talked with them for long before immediately killing them with a touch and escaping. In case of Ace, Fyo used his big brain to repeatedly bring him to the fear that he wouldn't be able to escape the room and die as his consciousness is separated.

Normally, Ace developed a 'fear of death' when he knew he was helpless which satisfied the condition to Fyo's ability and he was able to kill him. In case of Karma, Fyo lied to him twice about his ability and showed him the dead Ace.

Fyo induced a sense of terror of himself in Karma which again made him feel the 'fear of death', satisfying the condition to his ability.

When you see Tatsuhiko from dead apple, Fyo uses knife to kill him rather than using his ability. This is highly because Fyo knew that even if he tries to make him think of death, it wouldnt work on him because he's just an ability as a whole not an actual person.

Now coming to why Fyodor's Ability doesn't go against him in dead apple. All the actions that Fyodor does- he claims them to be in the name of God. All his actions are the will of God.

He doesn't believe what he is doing is wrong or that killing people or using and manipulating them is bad. That's the reason why he doesn't think he commits 'crimes' and is worthy of a 'punishment'.

Hence, he doesn't have the fear of death. So even when his ability split apart from him, it wasn't able to kill Fyo. Rather the ability's senses to deliver judgment itself is what Fyodor wholly is. Consequently, his ability didn't go against him and eventually merged with him.

We've also seen Fyo saying that he wants to eradicate all the ability users. Thats probably the reason he himself uses his ability occasionally and mostly uses his masterplans to reach his goals.

Even when Dazai told him he was wrong about God, he was willing to listen to what Daz has to say.

Coming to his plan with Kamui. Yes I know kamui is the Head of the Decay of the Angels(DoA) and superior to Fyo but Fyo definitely has Kamui wrapped up in his scheme. As we have seen so far, clearly Kamui is the only member of the DoA who wants world domination.

To get Kamui's trust in him, Fyo has prolly played along with him working for his goal too. But in the process, he somehow has a plan to use the other side of the page or a different plan unrelated to eradicate all the ability users.

Here's another thing: Gogol asked Sigma to read Fyo's ability. We know that Sigma's ability is to exchange the information he desires the most with the other person. He could've easily touched Fyo and figured out his ability but he didn't.

They prolly haven't figured out Fyo's ability but if my theory is true, since Sigma already has a great fear for Fyo, he could easily feel the fear of death and die when he touched Fyo for his ability.

Lastly, Adding this- if anyone hasn't noticed it yet how similar Fyodor's and Overhaul's way of killing people is 😭 This might give us some hints to what his ability may be.

Of course Gogol and Dazai are intelligent enough to deduce this much and Fyo's ability might actually be more complicated but I've believed in this theory for long now so I decided to post it. I'm not Dazai so feel free to point out the flaws in my theory✌🏻

[ddarker-dreams]

Long Dream. Yan Xiao x Reader

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, implied Stockholm Syndrome and implied not SFW.  Word count: 1.7k. Note: happy birthday to the guardian yaksha! it’d be a crime for me not to write anything for him. my heart actually fluttered when i read the letter he sends for his birthday in game. he’s such an accidental romantic? xiao please... 😭 also, if anyone is able to pick up what the title’s namesake is a reference to, you have my respect .

“If you wish to meet me, speak my name.”

Xiao had told you this many times before.

You lie awake on your mattress, chest heaving, and eyes wide blown with terror. The intrusive nightmare that had haunted your subconscious took place in the very room you currently occupy. In it, the years had dragged by, in a way that felt so real; like every crawling second was longer than the last.

The difference was that Xiao was no longer with you.

What cruel irony — that the very salvation you prayed for would be your damnation. If your dream had followed logic, you should’ve perished to natural causes, as he was the one who brought you food and sustained your life. Instead, you were forced to observe your body falling apart without death letting you go. The Black Guard of the underworld refused to claim you as it should have. And so your skin wrinkled and peeled, your hair thinned and fell out, your body weighed you down so heavily from an invisible force that movement was impossible.

All you could do was sit and wonder if he had forgotten you. Abandoning you to wither away as punishment for your refusal to return his self-serving love.

Tears sting the corners of your eyes. You lift your hands, inspecting them in the dull lighting of the room, seeing that they are as they should be. It does little to quell your anxiety. For that fate could someday await you, and that alone was more terrifying than anything your mind could hope to wrap around. Would he one day tire of your resistance? Leave you to rot as penance for the perceived slight?

“Xiao…”

His name is heavy on your dry tongue, a fleeting whisper spurred on from the depths of your despairing soul.

You had barely registered that it was his name you uttered in your time of need. It was an involuntary action, like how your heart continues to pump blood without your cognizant command, it just happened without forethought. When you were shackled to your dream, his name fell from your lips as a mantra would. Yet he never came to you. Would that be the case here? Did your subconsciousness somehow predict remnants of the future? Are you alone are you alone are you alone—

“[First]?”

Xiao’s voice, far more tentative than it's ever been, has you snapping your head to the side. You must look like a crazed animal in this state — your eyes bloodshot and glossy with tears. He struggles to comprehend the scene playing out in front of him. His lips part, likely to interrogate you further, but he doesn’t manage to get the words out in time. In a way you would’ve considered disgraceful hours prior, you practically tackle him to the ground. His lithe body goes stiff at the foreign sensation of your consensual touch.

Your shaking arms loop around his torso and you press your head to his chest.

In his long life, Xiao considered himself many things. Getting surprised easily was not one of them. There was nothing that could have ever prepared him for this. For a moment, he entertains the thought that this is all a devious ploy for him to lower his guard; all so that you might take advantage of his weakness. However, the less primal side of his brain steals the reins. From how desperately you’re clinging to him, soft sobs wracking your body, he dismisses the possibility. That can’t be it. You’re not that good of an actor.

So that begs the question…

“I do not understand,” Xiao manages to wheeze out, his eyes glued to your form. Why does his face feel so hot? “Are you injured? What happened?”

His further line of questioning only makes your cries louder.

This isn’t the first — and undoubtedly not the last — time Xiao has seen you weep. He could count on one hand the number of times you’ve smiled since he’s taken you for himself, but he’s lost track of how many times he’s made you cry. There’s no bodily injury that he can see on your person. And, of course, the fact that you’re essentially hugging him of your free will. Delight tingles all throughout his body, but he wills himself to push it away. He needs to focus right now.

“You…” sniffling, your voice is so weak it invokes unparalleled compassion from his bleeding heart, “Stay… with me, please…”

The last word of your sentence is accentuated by your voice cracking, so raw and needy that his breathing stops momentarily. Xiao swallows thickly, his toned arms wrapping around your quivering body, pulling you flush against him. He’d done this before, but not without you resisting him every step of the way. It’s different now. You’re different now. In what should have been a sign of success for him, Xiao finds hesitant satisfaction, truly too concerned for your wellbeing to celebrate yet.

He’s unsure how long you both sat there like that. Eventually, your crying transitions into sniffling, which then becomes heavy silence. He expects that you’ll pull away at any moment to slink away as you normally would.

And yet, you don’t move, so neither does he.

You speak up, somewhat more collected than before. “I had a dream where you… where you just left. Or died, who knows. And in it, I-I was by myself. For so long. Weeks, months, years, I don’t know. It just felt like forever, and…”

He’s slightly disappointed when you pull back, but you stay close. Now, you look him straight in the eye, your face wet with tears and eyes glimmering like the stars.

Is it wrong that he finds the sight beautiful beyond words?

“You won’t do that, will you?” You whisper, your hand slowly reaching up to cup his face. To make sure he’s real, that he’s still there. Xiao’s heart hammers like a drum in his chest, rapid and erratic, something churning inside of him that he’s never experienced before.

You spoke his name. You sought him out. You touched him, allowed him to touch you, found comfort in his arms.

Was this real life?

There’s so much running through his foggy mind that he doesn’t know where to begin. He wants to reassure you, yes, but he’s so addicted to that doe-like gaze etched into your visage. That desperation, that hunger for validation. His validation of all things. How unprepared he was for this onslaught of emotions that crash over him, wave after wave. Xiao knows he needs to answer you, it appears that you’re getting closer to crying again from his lack of response.

Xiao’s never been good with forming poetic and flowery words. Actions far are more definitive, a way of proving what he leaves unsaid. So he leans down, wanting to close the minimum distance between you both, his lips hovering above yours in hesitation. He feels your warm breath against his face, the intimate closeness finally unlocking something deep within him. He pushes his lips against yours, rougher than he intended, trying oh so hard to hold himself back from pouncing on top of you.

You don’t reciprocate or push him away. Sitting there in the room that’s been your jail for so long, you almost go limp, the unexpected affection throwing you further off-kilter.

If he notices how unresponsive you are, he doesn’t show it. What matters to him most at that moment is claiming your lips as his. It’s rough and without steady direction, as Xiao has never kissed another before now. Not even you. The hands that have enough blood on them to cover multiple lifetimes hold either side of your head, holding you in place while he practically devours you.

A voice of reason makes itself known in your head, urging you to push him back. To not give in to the whims of the one who stole your life for himself. You try to push it down, but you know everything it says is painfully true — should you accept this, accept him; everything will change. For the better or the worse, you don’t know.

There will be consequences for letting him in.

You’ll regret this, you tell yourself, as you part your lips to grant him easier access. This... is a mistake.

Xiao notices the change in your demeanor right away. Not a second is wasted in pushing you down against your mattress, the same one you were chained to in your nightmare; though in a sense you are now as well. Just the method of keeping you still has changed from cold metal to perspiring flesh. Your back hits the makeshift bed and your lungs cry out for air. On an instinctual level, you know that even if you tried, he wouldn’t let you part now that you’ve accepted him once.

He hovers above you, supporting his weight with one arm and using his other to keep you still and pliant while his lips slant messily against yours.

After what feels like an eternity, he parts, panting and disheveled in a way you’ve never seen him before.

Xiao takes his time admiring how you look and feel under him. It’s everything that he imagined and more, exceeding his every expectation and hope. Your hair is splayed out behind your head, your chest rising and falling erratically, and your lips a darker color than they were before from his ministrations.

How you whispered his name echoes in his head like a divine chorus. Goosebumps mar his skin, shivers running down his spine. He’s never heard anything so enchanting in the millenniums he’s been alive. Once isn’t enough. It’s nowhere near enough to sate him. More. He needs more. He needs to hear it, again and again, until your throat is raw and your voice hoarse.

Xiao refuses to settle for anything less now that you’ve indulged him.

So he tilts his head down again, ready to finally procure what he’s desired for so long now.

“It’s just as I’ve said,” his hands travel to the hem of your night clothes and lifts, “I am not going anywhere.”

And so he wouldn’t.