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sunnyborabora · 4 years

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Angel (Jaehyun x Reader)

It was a request and I am so sorry it took that long, I have no excuses...It was supposed to be published for christmas but lmao It’s very long and I hope I did well! The next one should be on Taehyung from BTS. It was also supposed to be published on december, with a bit of luck it will be there before spring!

Genre: Smut, awkward reader, voyeurism, fluff, christmas au

You were kinda a specialist of awkward situation. You were always finding a way to put yourself in embarrassing positions. Which can be finding yourself locked out of your apartment in pajamas because your door closed itself while you were out to take your uber eat order, from developing a sick ass crush on your brother’s best friend. But honestly no one would ever blame you. Jaehyun was, truly something else. He was so kind, since your childhood. He was the one who was taking you for a ride on his bike when your big brother Sicheng was being a dick with you which was almost all the time. You were two years younger than them but sometimes they made it seems like there was a decade between you. Jeahyun was always treating you well, taking care of you, patting your head like you were some puppy. Which as making your heart beat fast when you were 15, but which was annoying you more and more now that you were 20. You had left your house to go to university 3 years ago and you were so happy about it, studying something you truly liked. But it inevitably caused you to be away from your family. You were calling your parent regularly but being busy with work and classes had made you more distant. You haven’t spoken to Sicheng in a long time except from a few texts here and then, asking him how he was doing. You had not seen Jaehyun in years now, stupidly your feelings were still here. So when you were coming home for Christmas this year you were wondering if you’ll be finally able to see him. You had packed the presents you had bought for your family, a weird feeling in your chest. You had quite changed yourself since you left, you were three years older, you had live countless adventures mostly dumb one. « I can’t believe you are leaving me for Christmas, this is real betrayal » You turned around smiling at your best friend. « Girl, you know I have to go, I haven’t seen my family in an eternity. I don’t even know what my brother look like anymore. -Still hot obviously » You gagged at her answer. You obviously knew what your brother looked like, you were closer than what you made it seemed, but no way you were saying to Jisoo. She always had a thing for Sicheng that you could not comprehend. You thought he was repulsing in every aspect as the good sister you were. « Please, don’t say that ew -You can say whatever you want Sicheng is hot. I only you could take me with you… -So what ? You can jump on his dick as soon as you saw him ? -Yes » You threw her the first thing that you had in your hand. « Ouch ! » Even if her favorite pass time was to annoy you, she was still your best friend. And who will pay the other part of the rent if she wasn’t there ? And you remember not to annoy her too much because she was the one who was going to drive you to the train station, and she was totally able to drop you in the middle of the road. « Let’s go we are going to be late. » You caught your train just in time, hugging your roommate for the last time before leaving. « Think about me while you catch up with your hot best friend hoe love you ! -He is not my boyfriend ! -Don’t care ! » The three hours of traveling were long but you finally arrived in your home town. It was snowy and you admired the immaculate landscape as you were not used to it anymore. You heard a loud honking noise looking already annoyed. « Obviously it’s you ! I thought mom was going to come get me ! » Sicheng had stayed in the car, looking at you frowning. « Three years without seeing you and you are still that annoying. -We saw each other three months ago when you came crashed at my apartment » He laughed at you, coming closer as you sat inside the car, hugging you. You hugged him back, happy to see him. Even if he still was your idiot big brother. « So how are things going ? -Mom is ecstatic, she missed you a lot I think. » You knew your mom missed you a lot. Since your dad left when you were in high school, she had taken over herself to make you the happiest kid ever. You felt bad about it, maybe you were just an ungrateful child, and you didn’t deserve such a loving mother. « Anyway, she prepared enough food to feed the entire town, be ready. Even if it never had been a problem, you fat ass. » You hit his arm but stopped remembering he was driving. « Who will be there ? -You, me, mom, Jaehyun and his parents » You almost stopped breathing. « Oh Jaehyun and his parents. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them, damn. -Three years or something, yeah. » You did not ask anything else, Sicheng wasn’t stupid, if you started becoming too curious he would flip you off. « He’ll come in the afternoon anyway, we have to put that stupid Santa Claus and his reindeer because mom insisted. -Good luck » You had missed your mom terribly so when Sicheng parked in front of your old house, you almost jumped out immediately. Your mom was already opening the door, her arm wide open and a smile plastered on her face. You hugged her as strong as you could : « Mom I missed you so much. » You heard her laughed, hugging you back. « Oh my god you changed so much Y/n, what, it has been a year and you had become so gorgeous. » You could see tears starting to form at the corner of her eyes. « Was the journey good ? Not too long ? » She told you to come inside, pointing out that it was starting to snow again. Sicheng was just behind you, your bags in his hands. « Wow, you are carrying my bags, is that a joke or are you really starting to be nicer to me ? -Don’t get used to it. » The house had changed since you last came, but it still gave that cozy and gentle vibe. You felt like home. A big tree was standing at the very far corner of the dining room, still naked from any decoration. « Come on, take of your coat and shoes and come in the kitchen I’ve prepared hot chocolate. » And she did. You found yourself sat in the kitchen, your feet plunged into fluffy slippers. You had the impression to be a child all over again. It made you smile. « You had changed a lot since the last time I saw you ! Did you cut your hair ? -Ah, yes a bit. Does it suit me ? -A lot » It was easy to talk to your mother. She always had something to say, about what she had done, what she had seen, or about something someone told her. « We are going to decorate the tree ! I’ve been waiting for you to do it » She seemed very excited about it and it made your heart swell. You wanted to take her in your arms but something stopped you. You helped your mother decorating the tree, following her direction, putting the little wooden snowflakes where she was telling you and installing the lights where she wanted. « Oh Y/n ! It looks very pretty ! Wait I am going to turn the lights on » And indeed it was pretty. You smiled at your work, admiring the tree. It was way different from what you have done last year, both you and Jisoo being broke, you had found your Christmas tree a trash cane beside your building. You had to tape the poor thing all back together. You were really proud of it at the time. But you had to be honest it looked miserable next to this one. You had to send a pic of it to Jisoo. At the moment you were going to press send your mom called you. « Y/n come here a minute ! » You did, walking toward the entrance door. Sicheng, your mom and another man were standing there. « Here she is ! Look darling, it’s Jaehyun ! » Indeed, it was Jaehyun. The moment he turned around you swear you could fall down, trip over the air and just smash your face against the floor. But you didn’t, you smiled big, trying to look confident walking toward them. He seemed surprise seeing you but it passed fast as he was returning your smile. The more you were approaching the more you wanted to scream. And you were screaming, internally. Because you didn’t know what had happened, you only left three years. Jaehyun was fucking hot, already at the time, during high school he was hot, but it had nothing to do with now. He was the embodiment of that reddit post of a woman asking if it was okay to cry because people were too hot. Right now you felt like you could cry. « Hi Y/n ! Long time no see ! -Hi ! Yeah, time has passed fast » You stand behind your mom like a child, trying not to stare too much. Because if you could right now you would be snapping pictures of his perfect face to look at them all day. Who could blame you. He was so cute, his scarf tight around his neck and his little beanie secured around his head. « Come on Sicheng, let’s do this before it snows to hard » And like this they started getting that horrible Santa Claus and its hideous slide up on the roof. You were sure it was dangerous as hell, that it must slide like a skating rink up there but nothing could make them change their mind. « I am pretty sure Sicheng is going to bust his ass. -Y/n !? Be polite please ! » You shrugged still sure about the accuracy of your words. You were on the living room, wrapping up presents for the family when Sicheng and Jaehyun came back. Sicheng was covered in snow. « You fell down didn’t you ? -Shut up » For the first time in forever you wish your brother had stay with you because now you were left alone with Jaehyun. He took off his coat, and sat at the table, he wasn’t really looking at you and you could understand it. After all you didn’t speak to each other or even saw each other in three years. You were just his best friend little sister in the end. « Do you want some hot chocolate ? You must be cold », you asked trying to break the awkward silence that had settled itself between you. « Oh yeah ! Thank you ! » He smiled at you his little dimples showing. He was soft. You turned around to pour him a cup when you turned back he was looking at you. He turned around as fast as he could but you had seen him. You smiled giving him a cup and as you saw he was just looking at his cup you decided to start a conversation : « It’s been so long, what have you been doing ? » He almost seemed chocked when he heard your voice. « Well nothing much really, I just work in town and everything. I graduated uni last year but you know what they say about having a degree but never using it » You laughed. « Hell yeah I know. -And you would have you been doing ? -Well studying for the most part. I am living with my roommate, and I am working on the side you know, the usual student life. -That’s great, I am happy that you are leaving your dream. You were always the independent type anyway. -Really ? I remember being glued to you and Sicheng my entire childhood tho -True, but it never bothered me to be honest. You were like my little sister », he said smiling. But you wanted to cry. His little sister of course. Sicheng arrived at this precise moment and you took this as your cue to leave. When you came back Jaehyun had left and dinner was ready. The day had passed fast but it also seemed like it was an eternity. « Do you fucking realize ! The audacity ! -I can’t believe he called you his little sister bitch I am crying » You suddenly wanted to hang up on her. « What am I supposed to do ? -You still have a crush on him ? After all this time… -Yeah, why ? You're judging me ? -A little to be honest » You rolled over your bed, stomping your feet like a child. « He literally see me as a child. I am not 17 anymore. -Maybe that’s the problem. -What do you mean ? -He sees you as a child. If you change the way he is seeing you… -How am I supposed to do that ? -Flirt with him, make him see you like you truly are. -How am I going to make this not awkward ? -Just do it, if he is awkward he’ll tell you. And you’ll be able to leave and never see him again » You thought about it for a second, still doubtful. « I don’t know… -Just do it ! You’re such a flirt usually, this wouldn’t be difficult ! -It is ! » It really was but the next day, when you dressed up you find yourself putting on that cropped sweater and your favorite pants that made your ass look good. You had the intention to spend your holidays in pajamas but it wasn’t going along with your plan. « I am going to town, I have some things to buy. -You want me to come with you ? -No stay here ! Your brother is at work but Madam Jung is going to come to deliver us something for tomorrow. » You said as your mother had told you and stayed at home. It didn’t take long for the bell to rung and for you to go open. But it wasn’t Madam Jung who opened the door. Jaehyun seemed surprise to see you, and it took you a second to get your self together and flash him the brightest smile.

« Hey Jae ! What’s up ? » He gasped at your friendly tone, probably chocked by the contrast between the awkward exchange you had the day before and now. « I-I- my mother told me to give this to your mom… I don’t know what it is, is she here ? -No she is gone, but she told me someone would come. Come on in ! » You stepped aside, letting him in. You lead the way to the kitchen, and maybe you were swinging your hips a bit more than you originally would and you heard him choke. « Apparently it’s something for tomorrow. You’ll be there ? -Hmm, yeah ! -Oh that’s the plate for the turkey ! My mom told me hers wasn’t big enough » He was standing there, his hand in his pocket, looking anywhere but at you. « Do you want something to drink ? Eat ? My mom bought stuff to bake Christmas cookies -Oh, I don’t know… I think I should go. » You turned around clutching the plate against your chest, pouting. « Oh, okay no problem… -It’s not because I don’t want to ! I swear ! I have to go back to work, but if you want, this evening, I- I would be happy to eat your cookies, if you had decided to bake some… » You smiled at him. « I can do that ! I can even bring them to your house if you want to ! » He nodded smiling at you, leaving you alone in your kitchen. You didn’t know how to take what just happened. Maybe you were just doing too much. Did you make the situation awkward ? You didn’t think so… But now you had to cook the best cookies you could and that was the problem. You were the worst cook ever, like really. Once you set your kitchen on fire and now with Jisoo being as dumb as you when it concerned cooking. You should probably wait for your mom to come back, after all she was the best cook you knew. You looked for a thousand of recipes on internet but it was a literal mess. You gave up, finally accepting that you were a dumb bitch. « I’m home ! Did Madam Jeong came ? -Yes ! Mom I need your help ! » She seemed the more and more confused as you were telling her the story. « Cookies are easy to make Y/n ! -They are not ! » But it seemed as when it was your mom, everything was easier. « Just put the melted chocolate in the dough, not too much at the same time » It seemed like a thousand years later that you put the cookies in the oven. The one your mom did were round and beautiful. Yours were a bit awkward, one was even looking like a square. « Why are mine ugly ? -They are not ! They are perfect » She pinched your cheeks smiling at you. She was just too nice. When you packed them to go out, you let yours in the plate, still tacking a bite of the square one. At least, they were good. « Did you put on the frosting ? -Yeah, it’s really good ! -Of course it is ! Have you seen all the sugar you put in this, it can only be good ! » You walked in the street, thankfully it was not snowing. The Jeong family was leaving just next to your house so it just took you a five-minute walk to arrive. « Y/n ! Oh my god ! Child you grew up so much since you came last time ! » You smiled at the little lady. Madam Jeong always had been nice to you. She was giving you extra dessert when you were dining at their house, she had drive you back from school when your mom couldn’t. « Hello madam Jeong ! It’s been so long! » You were soon sitting around the table, the cookies in full display, a cup of coffee in front of you. « So what have you been doing ? -I am still studying and working on the side ! -This is great ! Jaehyun told me you were living with someone ? -Oh yeah ! We’ve met in first year, and we connected well. It’s easier to have a roommate », you laughed. « Oh so it’s just a roommate ? -Oh, well, Jisoo is also my bestfriend but yeah » She laughed suddenly. « Oh my, you should tell that to Jae, the poor boy was convinced you were already married or something » You were shocked. When did you even implied that you were in a relationship ? You laughed in disbelieve. « I am not, Jisoo is my best friend really. -Ohh so you really don’t have a boyfriend ? » You had the exact same conversation with your mom over the phone a thousand time and thinking about it you were surprised she hadn’t brought the subject yet. « No, I don’t. -Hey mom, I’m back ! -Jaehyun we are here ! » You didn’t look up right away but you still saw his face when he entered. His jaws clutched as his eyes fell on you. You smiled, winking at him. He almost tripped. « Hey Y/n… -Hey Jae » He smiled blushing. « So what have you been talking about ? -Nothing special, Y/n was telling me about her life, university, work, boyfriends » Did you already mentioned you loved this woman. It was like she wanted to help you, without even realizing it. « Yeah, I was telling your mother that I was all alone -A beautiful girl like you, everyone would be lucky to have you » You laughed shyly. Yeah, it was not what your exes were saying about you. Madam Jeong suddenly left to go to the kitchen leaving you and Jaehyun alone. « Sorry if she was asking you personal stuff… -It doesn’t bother me. I didn’t see her in a long time, I missed it. » He nodded avoiding your eyes. « So you don’t have a boyfriend ? -Nope. -That’s good » You rose our brow and he started to stutter. « No. That’s not what I meant. It’s not good that you are single. There is nothing wrong with that ! Even if you deserve someone great you know, but you don’t need one ! » You laughed, not holding back anymore. « Don’t worry Jaehyun, I understand », you said as you keep giggling like a child. He seemed mortified but you couldn’t help it, it was too cute. « I mean, I am not dating either so... » You turned your head in his direction. Was he giving you hints ? Or was it just an innocent answer ? « Really ? You and Soohyon are not together anymore ? » Your brother had told you they had broke a year ago but you still asked. « Oh, no, we broke up last year. -Wow, I mean you literally stayed together all high school, we all thought you were like, going to marry each other or something. -We just weren’t meant to be, I guess» Thankfully for you. « I hated her anyway », you said not controling your mouth. Jaehyun laughed hard, and you felt embarrassed. You really needed to shut up. « This was why you were always avoiding me when she was around ? -Yeah, that and other things. -Other things ? » You were really not going to say it. His mother called you from the other room anyway, saving you from embarrassment. « That’s a story for another time », you played off, hitting his shoulder with your fist playfully. He grabbed your wrist not letting you go. « Y/n, just, I wanted to tell you, it ‘s good to have you back » You smiled, your heart swelling. « I am happy to be back too » You walked back home with your head full of question. This seduction mission was more difficult than you thought. What was even more weird, was that feeling in your heart, a strange swell that occurred every time you saw him. It wasn’t about Jaehyun being handsome anymore. It was about you loving him. Maybe you were just hurting yourself. « You’re already back ? Was the cookies good ? -Yeah they were, thank you mom. » You didn’t say anything else, still wondering what you were going to do. « Just tell him. If you are correct, he is pretty much reacting to you in like a good way ? -I don’t know ? What if he rejects me ? I’ll die -No you won’t, you drama queen. » You weren’t that sure. You pretty much loved this man. « Jisoo, I gotta go, someone is calling me » Actually nobody was calling you but you just wanted to stop this conversation. You ate and went to your room without more words. It was actually pretty late already but you were unable to sleep. It was those type of moments where no position was the right one. You knew something that could help you sleep but just thinking about it made you blush. Maybe it was the fact that you were in your childhood bedroom, the fact that you were suddenly very aware of the fact that your family was sleeping not that far away. But you still did it because fuck, you wanted it. You kicked off your pajama pants, dragging your hands over your thighs. You lied back on your bed as you started by just teasing yourself with your hand, not pressing to hard yet, just tracing the outline of your labia. Maybe it was her brain, that was playing her tricks, because she could almost feel the heat of someone mouth at the secret sensitive place beneath the corner of your jaw, just below your ear, hands firm around your waist... You thought of Jaehyun. How his lips would taste, how his hands would feel. You took in a quick gasp as your fingertips grazed your clit. You pressed your fingers harder, circling the bundle of nerves, suddenly feeling as electricity was running down your body. You wish they were his fingers, they would be so much bigger and longer than yours. They would stretch your walls so good. You put two fingers inside, and even if you were stretched you weren’t full. You were so desperate, your fingers bumping inside you fast but you were still not there. It was so frustrating. The image of Jaehyun between your legs was making you whimper harder. His dark eyes were watching yours as he was smirking, his tongue flickering on your clit precise motion, his upper lip just brushing against your clit as he teased you more… You came with the image of Jaehyun above you, as you were moaning his name. You slept like the dead and thank you, for the first time since you came back you didn’t dream about Jaehyun. You woke up early in the morning. It was Christmas and your mom had told you a long day was awaiting you. And indeed you had no time to think about anything else than mashed potatoes and how to stuff a turkey, which was terrifying. Sicheng had been helping all day too, which wasn't taht surprising, he had always been a sweetheart for your mom. He had been pouting all day but at least he had been carrying stuff around the house, occasionally helping you in the kitchen. « How many more potatoes do we need to peel ? I already cut myself twice ! -Ohhh poor baby look at this little cut on his pinky boohoo. -Shut up. Mom ! Y/n is being mean again ! » You threw an apple peel at him. « Why are you such a kid ! -I am not ! -You are both children ! » You almost jumped out of your chair. Jaehyun was standing behind you laughing at Sicheng that was still scolding you. Maybe it as the fact that he looked particularly good or that you looked like trash in this very moment but you were strangely shy around him suddenly. « Hey Jae , what are you doing here ? -My mom is stressing me out at home, I thought it would be calmer here. -It’s not, my mom is literally treating us like slaves since this morning. -She just asked you to peel potatoes what are you talking about. » He was going to say something, but he didn’t have the time before your mom entered the kitchen. « Oh Jaehyun, sweety, what are you doing here ? -I was just passing by ! Do you need help ? -Actually, I need someone to drive to the nearest mall and do some purchase. -I’ll go with Jaehyun, said Sicheng as fast as he could. -No I need you here ! Y/n is going with Jaehyun ! -Why her !? Am I an assistant ? -Yeah why me ?! » You really didn’t want to go with Jaehyun. In your mind he would have come just before dinner and you would already wear your cute dress. He would be his usual soft and shy self while you’ll be kissing him under the mistletoe. Now you were peeling apples in the middle of your living room, not washed, still in pajamas, your hair like a bird nest. Jaehyun looked at you and smirked and you felt your face hit up. « I need Sicheng here, so come on Y/n go ! » You stood up like a zombie and walked to your room. You jumped in the first clothes you find which was not better than your pajamas, before putting on your hood’s sweater and joining them in the living room. « You’re ready ? » Asked Jaehyun with a smirk. You simply nodded, not looking at him in the eyes. It was cold outside, and as you were walking toward the car you stopped in your track. « Oh wait, we- ouff » You bumped into something, rather someone, almost falling back, if the certain someone didn’t catch you. « Be careful, the road is slippery » You were pressed against his torso, his arms not letting you ho anywhere. « It’s just, that, I don’t know what my mom wants… -She gave me a list don’t worry, let’s go » He grabbed your shoulders and you both walked toward the car again. You sat next to him, finally in feeling warm as he started the car. You didn’t say a thing during the entire trip, just looking around shyly. « Y/n ? Is everything okay ? -Huh yeah, why ? -You seem less talkative than before. » You laughed awkwardly trying to play it off. He reached for something next to you brushing your thigh making you gasp. He smirked at you completely aware of what he just did and you screamed internally. You wished Jaehyun would have stopped playing with you but he really didn’t. You were being kinda petty because all you did those past few days was to provoked him. Considered it Karma. You came back home to your mom two hours later. You took longer than you intended to inside the store because it was packed with people, obviously it was Christmas day. « Stay near me, so we don’t get separated » he said looking at you waiting for your response. You nodded looking around you as you started to panic. You weren’t the most comfortable with crowded places and you were usually avoiding going shopping when you knew there was going to be a lot of people. You really didn’t want to lose Jaehyun. You followed him around the store feeling useless, because he seemed to know the place perfectly and you were as lost as ever. You insisted into pushing around the shopping cart trying not to roll over people. « Jaehyun, I think- Jaehyun ? » You turned around not seeing anywhere. You grabbed the cart hard and tried to walk away but you stopped maybe you should just stay here to not get lost even more. But you suddenly realized that staying in the middle of an aisle with this many people, actually the lady behind you seemed to start being annoyed with you. So you simply walked away, looking for Jaehyun but not seeing him anywhere. Someone pushed you rather strongly and you almost started crying. You looked around like a lost child looking for their mom but nothing. It was all rushing people and noise.

« Y/n » Jaehyun placed his hand on your shoulder and you almost jump out of your skin. « Hey it’s just me, everything is fine » You wanted to kiss him, even more than before. « I-I couldn’t see you… » He smiled gently. « Don’t worry I’m here now. It’s over we can go check out » He took your arm and hooked it with his while he drove the cart toward the entrance. The drive home was silent but more relaxed. You were stuck in a bit of traffic but listening to some Christmas music. « You still hate crowds ? » You looked at him, his eyes still glued to the road. « Yeah… Still not the most comfortable. I should just work on that but sometimes it’s just -Too much ? -Yeah. -I remember when we were younger, and we used to carry you everywhere with us. Your mom would insist that Sicheng would bring you along. He never wanted but I actually liked when you were there. -Yeah I remember. I would climb on one of your bike behind you and you would carry me around like I was a lost puppy" Remembering had made you calmer and as you looked at him you understood. You smiled at him gently. Jaehyun helped you carry the bags inside, your mother inside seemed eve more panicked than before. Jaehyun left saying he’ll see you in a couple of hours. You helped your mom settling everything she had in mind and you were ready faster than you thought. Your mom was finally able to go take a shower and relax and you intended to do the same. Before that you texted Jisoo, telling her that you missed her and wishing her a merry Christmas. You took a long shower and you decided to play along. After all if Jaehyun had been flirting with you, maybe you should just continue. But being in the shower you had time to think about your day and how, even if you were close to a panic attack, domestic it felt to do things with Jaehyun. You got out of the shower and settled into wearing a little tied black dress That would maybe a bit too much for your mom to take in so you put on a pair of black thighs and a magnificent Christmas jumper that would make you look modest. You did your makeup and added red lipstick. You loved it as it was making your lips look like cherry candy. It was already dark outside and you should probably go see if your mom needed anything before anyone arrived. As you were going downstairs you heard the door bell but no sign of your mother or brother. You opened the door, greeted by a huge rose bouquet. You looked up to see Jaehyun smiling at you. « Hi again -Hi » You let him enter quick followed by his mom and dad. You hugged them both, always happy to see them. Your mom arrived, and they all started talking, visibly enthusiast of seeing each other even if they literally live next to each other. Suddenly feeling out of place you thought you would go look for a vase for the flowers you were now holding. You disappeared into the kitchen but to be honest you had no idea where you could find a vase. Maybe if you putted them into a big bowl or something… « The vase are in the last cabinet I think… » Jaehyun smiled at you, you nodded trying not to stare too much. You might have dress up a little tonight, but he really was looking like an all movie star. His satin black dress up shirt was hugging his torso perfectly and maybe his black jeans were making his thighs look fucking perfect. You wanted to ride them. You shook your head thanking opening the cabinet. Suddenly you thought about something. « Could you hold the chair while I climb on it, I don’t know why it’s that high, no one is that tall in this house. » He nodded as you bring the chair close to the wall. Jaehyun walked toward you and you tried once again not to overthink his presence but it was hard. You put the bouquet in his arms as you climb the chair, maybe arching your back little more than you needed as you were getting in your tip toes to finally grab the vase. That dress was anyway doing god’s work as it ridden up your thighs. « Got it ! » He didn’t answer, his grip on the chair still solid. You smirked getting of the chair. « Thanks for the flowers again, my mom love those. » He didn’t watch you in the eyes right away, but he seemed to regain his composure pretty fast as you were fill up the vase with water. « Do you need help ? -No it’s fine, you can join the others if you want. Sicheng must be there now. » And he left. You joined them some minutes later, after taking a pause in the corridor just to take a deep breath. « Here she is ! -You look great sweetheart ! Come here ! » And you sat down. It was actually enjoyable, your mom cooking was excellent and you were actually impressed by your own work. « The meat is so good ! How did you do ? » Your mom was more than happy to tell how she did and you laughed at her enthusiasm. Sicheng and Jaehyun were talking and laughing while you were not really paying attention. You were trying to ignore the fact that you were sitting right next to Jaehyun, as Sicheng was sitting in front of you, on the other side of the table. You were so concentrated on what your mother was saying that you didn’t realise right away someone had put their hand on your thigh. It’s when the hand started to ride up along your thigh. You looked down seeing Jaehyun hand under the table, grabbing your thigh. You looked at him baffled. Maybe he didn’t realise… But he turned his head toward you raising one of his eyebrow smirking slightly and you understood. He totally knew what he was doing. You tried and move, but he squeezed your thigh making you gulped. It was so inappropriate, but why your heart was beating that fast, and it was not only from embarrassment. « So Y/n ? When are you going back to the city ? » You cleared your throat, trying to regain your componance. « I am leaving tomorrow actually » You felt his hand coming closer to hip. « Really ? Already ? Why won’t you stay longer ? » Jaehyun grazed his finger along your underwear and you froze. « Y/n ? -Hmmm my boss didn’t give me more days off actually. I have to work as soon as I come back. -Oh what a shame ! -Yeah I wish I could have stayed for the new Lunar Year but it’s a very busy time in the city, and they need the team to be complete .

-You’ve always been such an obliging person Y/n, such an angel.» You heard Jaehyun huffed at the nickname. He squeezed your inner thigh harder as you started to shake a little bit. You put your hand on his, squeezing his finger. Everyone was suddenly looking somewhere else and you whispered to him : « What are you doing ? -Nice dress » He smirked cockily and you stayed speechless. The rest of the dinner went well, Jaehyun needing both of his hands to eat, he left you alone. Soon Jaehyun’s parents invited your mom at their place to drink more and your mom accepted. Sicheng came with her and you were ready to put your coat on, joking around with your brother when someone attracted your attention. Jaehyun was leaning on the opposite wall, watching you like a hawk. You walked toward him, confused. « You are not coming ? -I thought we could stay behind just a few minutes. I have something to tell you. -Oh okay... » You told your mom you would come in a few minutes, and she simply nodded, already leaving the house following her friends happily. Sicheng was following cheering with mister Jeong about something. « What did you wanted to talk about ? -Let’s go upstairs. -Yeah… okay... » You went to your room, and as you were entering you heard the door closing behind you. You sat on your bed looking at him. « Honestly, it’s more me who should ask question. What you did during dinner- -Was just teasing you back for everything you did. The short clothes, the flirting, everything… You thought I was going to stay impassive ? » You stayed quiet, not knowing what to answer. « Since you’ve come back, I don’t know it’s like you’re torturing me, hm… You’re having fun angel ? » You tensed at the sudden nickname. « Maybe. Maybe I was just having fun. -Oh so that was it. Having fun ? I don’t think so. -Hm, and why ? » He came closer to you. « I think that someone, might have a little crush on me, don’t we baby ? » Yeah you wanted to die. « What ? Don’t flatter yourself… -Are you saying I am a liar ? » He wasn’t, and you were totally unable to hide your feelings. He reached your burning face with his hands as you closed your eyes from the embarrassment. « Look at me in the eyes » But you really couldn’t right now. « Y/n open your eyes » His hands slided along your neck, but you yelped in surprised when he grabbed your scalp hard yanking your hair. You opened your eyes looking at him directly. « Tell me now Y/n, what went through your little perverted mind ? - I- I don’t… -That’s funny, because those last days had been a nightmare for me. » He let go of your hair, his hand running down your back, the other still on your hips. « First you come back after years, looking like a woman and not that kid that I knew. And I know that you are my best friend little sister but hey you keep flirting with me, and you are fucking amazing. » You were speechless, all you could do was look into his eyes, mouth agape. « I know I shouldn’t feel like this. Toward you. But- I can’t help it. The more I speak to you, the more I see you… » Tears were prickling at the corner of your eyes, and you did what you had been dreaming of. You kissed Jaehyun like your life depended on it. He kissed you right back, his arms circling you as you wrap yours around him. It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was needy and passionate. You couldn’t help it but moan in his mouth. He started to lead you to the bed, you taking steps back until you hit the end of your bed. He pushed you lightly as you fell into the mattress. « You know what really made me see you differently. Fuck… That night where your brother ask me to go see you and tell you that you could come with us to that party a friend of us organized. But when I arrived to your room » He has joined you on the bed, (staying) over your body, caging you between his arms. « I fucking saw you, touching your needy cunt, moaning my name. » You wanted to die, you wanted the earth to split open and swallow you up. But no, you were still there trapped. « Close your door better next time baby » And he kissed you again. With the same passion, but he seemed to be more and more needy. « So tell me Y/n, why would you do this ? » He got on his knees, looming over your body, a smirk on his lips. His hands trailed on your waist, your hips and finally on your thighs. Even through the thin fabric off your clothes you could feel the heat of his skin. You shuddered. « I-I didn’t do it on purpose… -Oh really ?! Because fuck it really seemed like it. -No I didn’t ! I never anted you to know… -Well I know now » His hands gripped your black thighs and took it off in a fast motion. Apparently clothes had to get off. « I always thought you were a good girl, pure and innocent, was I wrong baby ? » Fuck, his words, you were getting so wet by the seconds. « I didn’t… -You didn’t what ? Was that the first time you were touching yourself while thinking of me ? » Your breath hitch as his hands finally made contact with your bare skin, so cold against your hot thighs. You moaned , wanting more of his touch. « Answer me or you won’t get anything. - Maybe... » He nipped at your thigh, his mouth so warm. You were feeling his hot breath against your skin still so far away from where you really needed him. « Maybe ? Common tell me - When we were in high school, you’re the first person I touch myself to… » He stopped his motion, suddenly freezing. « I-I always wanted to be with you, but I was young and you were interested in other girls, more mature, so I stayed on my side » He gripped your thighs harder, making you moan a bit. Jaehyun smiled against your skin, nose trailed along your skin as he inhaled deeply. « Fuck, no one could compare to you… I fantasized about you- taking my virginity a lot... » He groaned letting go of your thighs. « Fuck, baby you are so fucking nasty. I can’t believe this, such a pervert » Your dress was now rolled up all the way to your hips, and he took it as an opportunity to finally touch you. His hand cupped your mount, his thumb pressing over your clit. You whined, struggling to breath as you were squirming to get closer. His fingers were brushing harder, the fabric of your underwear clinging to your soaked folds. « Your soaking wet… » He mumbled something you can't understand before taking of your underwear and tossing them. « So pretty. Fucking » he helped you taking off your dress, you were now completely exposed, « Perfect » You thought you couldn’t get more embarrassed, you were wrong. « Baby I want to eat you out -Yes, please Jae » you needed him to do anything. Really you would beg. He buried his face between your thighs, his hands keeping them as open as you could. You never felt that exposed but at the same time fuck it felt so good. « Jae, fuck please more -Then tell me baby, what were you imagining in that dirty mind of yours ? -No please… -Y/n, baby you know the deal... » You cried out in frustration. « I thought… I thought about your hands a lot… You would feel larger than my own, I would feel better when it’s you who touches me...Fuck please don’t stop… -Your little fingers can’t do anything for you baby, right ? -No ! They can’t ! » He inserted one finger in and your eyes almost rolled in the back of your head. « Jaehyun oh my god- » You moaned hard, completely possessed by the feeling of him stretching you like this. « Yes baby? » He held your gaze and slowly licked his lips. « Please, I want you, more… -Don’t worry baby, I am not going anywhere » You grabbed his sleeve and tugged at it the best you could, trying to make him understand. « You want me to take it off baby ? -Yes please... - Okay, » Jaehyun’s dimples appeared when he smiled and your heart skipped a beat. He took off his dress shirt as fast as he could and you couldn’t help it. He was beautiful. You wanted to touch him so bad. « Can I touch you ? Please… -Yes of course » He kissed you again, and allowed your hands to roam over his body, « Jaehyun... » and it was a whimper at best. « Yes Y/n. » Nothing came out of your mouth as he smirked. You started fumbling with his belt as you were kissing his collarbone, and he let you do it, enjoying your touch, your breast against his chest. He grabbed your legs lifting you in his arms. « I need you, fuck, I need you so bad. » You were in his arms pressed against his body. You were whimpering, trembling from anticipation. Your heart would explode soon. « I need you too Jae, please » He lowered you onto your bed, his arms tight around your body. He bent down licking his lips biting at the skin of your thighs. « Ouch, Jae » Your words sounded more like a plea than an actual cry of pain. « Want you to remember me, remember this.. » He said. « When you’ll go back to the city » He kept sucking at your skin, and you feel yourself drift off more and more. You whispered his name again and again your eyes screwed shut as you struggled to breathe. « Please, Jae ! More ! -You are very demanding » You whined,grabbing at the sheets beneath you. « But don’t worry, I am not going anywhere » He caressed your thighs, appreciating the feeling of your skin. « Since you’ve been good I am going to tell you what I want to do hm ? » You gasped loudly. « First baby, I’m gonna eat you out, hm, because you must be tired of just cumming on your fingers. Do you want me to ? -Yes ! Please ! -Ok, baby, and after » He kissed your core « I’m gonna make love to you, okay ? Because fuck baby, no one is able to make me soft and hard at the same time like you do » You moaned at that, your heart swelling from all the love you felt at this moment. « Jaehyun, please- » He flattened his tongue, parting your cunt, as you couldn’t do anything but moan. A few languid licks later and you were already coming. You thought he was going to stop he didn’t. You fisted your hand in his black locks, admiring his beautiful face. But it was so sinful you couldn’t look for very long. You cried and you heard him chuckle as the devil he was. It didn’t take long before you were greeted by your second orgasm that left you breathless. You started to become so sensitive. « Please, Jae- Fuck, stop… Too much- -It’s too much ? Hm, I don’t know Y/n, how you're going to do for what I planned after. Maybe you want me to stop ? -No ! No… Please... » He smirked , his dimple showing. His black hair were a mess, completely your fault as you had tangled your fingers in them. « You tortured me since you arrived and I can’t even take my revenge a little bit… -I didn’t do anything… -Of course, you’re an angel aren’t you ? -Exactly » You were blatantly lying, obviously. « You are lying angel… You’ve become so naughty. Who Would have thought. Everyone thinks you are such a cute, shy girl. Do they know you’ve been having naughty thoughts about me all this time. » You were speechless, your mouth gaping, not finding anything to answer. He licked his lips, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows. « You taste so good, angel, fuck » You opened your arms, inviting him. He hugged you, tightly, kissing your lips as if it might be the last time. His tongue caressed yours as your legs parted wide, allowing him to rest between them. He finally kicked his pants away and his underwear. You were feeling him, heavy and hard against your thigh. It was maybe the last time you were seeing him like this, so you made sure to look at him with attention. He was beautiful. Something you'll never forget. He positioned himself between your legs, and you felt his hard dick between your bodies, leaking precum on your stomach. You eased your hand between the two of you, finding his cock. You let your fingers toy with his sensitive tip. « I want to make you feel good too… » He moaned as he buried his face in your neck. You nibble his bottom lip between each one of your pecks. You collected the wetness from his dick and you used it to move along his shaft. «You are going to make me feel good angel don’t worry... » He whispered, grabbing your legs. « I need you, Y/n, now » He brought your thighs almost flat against your chest and you felt yourself spread out for him. « I want you so much... » Just before entering you he looked into your eyes and you saw something you didn’t think you would see. Maybe it wasn’t only sex, maybe it was more. With a guttural groan, he entered you slowly, your breath hitching at the sensation. Sinking down inch by inch, his dark eyes carefully watched yours until he was fully seated. You felt him deep inside you, so deep you were already shaking around him. « Angel you feel so good... »

He was going slowly at first, deliberate strokes, in and out, as a regular pace.But you felt him grew more impatient, more needy. His trust were becoming harder and harder, his skin slapping yours, the noises of your wetness almost deafening. His forehead was pressed against yours, his eyes closed as he was feeling so much pleasure. His hips began to piston erratically while his stiff cock repeatedly dragged across your g-spot. You closed your eyes as your vision started to blur. « Do you feel good angel ? Fuck- -Jae- You feel so good » You wanted to scream his name, but you remembered where you were and you simply whispered his name again and again as you were feeling it coming. « Yeah angel, please, let it go » He kept moving, looking you as you were loosing yourself. He felt your pussy tightening around him. He looked at you, promising himself to remember everything of this night, of this moment with you. He finally had you, and even if it was only for a few hours, he will never forget it, always recalling your perfection. « Y/n- He wanted to tell you something, but he didn’t. Instead, he just let himself go diving completely into the pleasure he was feeling. He whispered your name,as he came. It shouldn’t felt this intimate, this meaningful. But it really did. He laid down beside you, his hand caressing your cheek. You were looking into each other eyes. You wanted to tell him, how you felt, but it wasn’t the right moment. So you stayed quiet, simply smiling. He smiled back, coming closer to kiss you again. Jaehyun had to leave soon after, but before he made you promise you won’t leave without saying goodbye. You promised, your heart heavy from just the thought of leaving without seeing him before. He kissed you one last time and left. Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad about what just happened but you did. Suddenly you weren’t so sure about your departure tomorrow. You kissed your mom goodbye, and you cried as she started telling you how much she was going to miss you. You promised her you’ll be back soon, this time more meaningful than last time. Your brother was waiting for you ready to drive you to the train station. « Sicheng ? -Yeah ? -Could we just pass by Jaehyun’s before ? -Why ? -To say goodbye to his parents. I didn’t have the time last night. » He stopped just in front of the house and you got out. Madam Jeong answered the door. « Oh darling you are already leaving ? -Yes, I am on my way to take my train. » You hugged her, and you promised her to come back soon, too. « Hm, is Jaehyun here ? -No sweetie, he is gone in town. » You wanted to cry. You had no time to wait so you simply told her to greet him for you and you left. « Is everything okay ? You look sad. » Sicheng was looking at you, almost worried. « Hmm, no I am fine. I just- Kinda don’t want to leave. -Well I was not expecting that. » It had always been kinda hard to talk to your brother. Maybe because you were radically different. « You know you can come back as soon as you want. Mom misses you, I miss you, damn even Jaehyun told me he had miss you. » Yeah you definitely were going to cry. « Thank you. -Don’t thank me. You are my sister. » At this moment you didn’t need any words. You smiled at him and hugged him goodbye. If you didn't’ knew your brother better you could swear you saw tears peaking at the corner of his eyes. « Go away now, before I change my mind and tell you to never come back. » You were waiting inside the train station, your luggage clutch in hand, as you were trying to stay warm. You were trying not to think about Jaehyun, and the fact that once again you were leaving without telling him. Your train arrived and you were walking toward your wagon, a strange feeling inside your chest. « Y/N ! » You turned around. Jaehyun was running in your direction. He arrived in front of you, out of breath. « What- what are you doing here ? -You left. -I tried, to come and say goodbye, but you weren’t there. » He just looked into your eyes, and you understood. « I couldn’t. -Couldn’t what ? -Letting you go like this. » You hugged him tightly and he answered. « I wish I could tell you not to go. -I’ll come back soon. -I know. » He kissed you, and you felt yourself leaning into his embrace more. « So goodbye… -Can’t believe you ran all the way here to kiss me goodbye. -It’s not the worst. Sicheng is waiting for me in the parking lot. I am wondering what I am going to say to him. » You laughed. Kissing him again. But soon you heard the speaker announcing the departure of your train. « I have to go… » He didn’t say anything, simply smiling sadly at you. He walked you toward your wagon watching you climb inside. « Good luck with Sicheng. -Don’t remind me please. » You smiled one last time at him before the door closed and the last thing you saw was him smiling back and your departure was feeling less bittersweet suddenly.

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howtosingit · 4 years

Text

Fic: Collect Me With Your Steady Hand

TK processes his dad’s diagnosis, and Carlos makes tamales.

A post-1x04 fic, based on that 1x05 promo pic from the cut Tarlos dinner scene.

2.7K | Also on AO3

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He can tell every time that it happens.

It’s like that feeling when your ears sink just below the surface of the water, but not every part of you is fully immersed. Maybe you’re floating on your back, or on your stomach; maybe you went under just to the top of your ears. It doesn’t really matter how, just that your ears are under but all of you might not be. The sound fades out into this eerie diluted thrum, but you can feel the air above the water on your exposed body. You’re simultaneously a part of both places, under and above, and you can’t belong fully to either one.

It’s the in-between, and that’s the place where he feels most alone.

Back in New York, he used to spend a lot of time in the in-between, especially when he was riding a high. He’s had a lot of experience there, and it’s almost a betrayal that he doesn’t feel more comfortable in that place after all of these years.

When he left the city, he hoped to leave the in-between behind. Those last days, when he’d sunk so far under the water that all he could see and hear was the darkness, are hard to forget. Starting over, here in Texas, was a way to escape that part of himself. It hasn’t been easy, and it hasn’t been without faults, but he was doing better. He was staying above the surface.

And then he finds his dad’s meds. And then his dad confirms what he already knows. And then he holds his dad tight and puts on a brave face and tells him that he’ll be there for him and that he knows that he is strong enough to beat this.

He believes that, he really does. But at the same time, TK can’t stop himself from imagining the alternative. It hits him repeatedly throughout the day, the idea of a reality without his biggest supporter, his best friend. The only person that he has left in this world. In those moments, he can feel himself falling under the surface, not fully submerged, but not fully present either.

Unlike the times before, it’s not a drug that will carry him further down before it wears off. This time, he’s held down by a weight that he can’t shake off, a premature grief that he can’t process because there hasn’t actually been a loss to grieve.

The idea of it is so much heavier.

So, he knows what’s happening right now, he can tell every time that it happens. He’s sitting at the table, the candles to his right flickering faintly on the edge of his vision. A plate sits in front of him, filled with some of the most delicious looking food he’s ever been served, but he can’t eat it. He knows it won’t have any taste, just like it doesn’t really have a smell. Just like he can’t really see the candle flame, and he can’t really hear the man moving around in the kitchen behind him, speaking without pausing for breath.

When Carlos had texted him that morning after returning from his weekend trip, TK immediately texted back, asking to meet up. His therapist has repeatedly made it clear that he needs to surround himself with people who can be there for him when things get hard, and Carlos is the closest thing that he has to a friend in Texas. Besides, with his dad relying on him for support, TK has to stay on the right track now more than ever. So, without thinking too much about it, he takes a chance and asks Carlos out.

He can tell, even through text, that this surprises the officer.

You want to have dinner with me?

Yeah, I missed you this weekend. I’d like to see you.

Okay, yeah. I’d like that too.

Where should we go? I’m relying on you to introduce me to Austin’s best.

I know some places.

But

This doesn’t have to mean anything

But I’d really like to cook for you

I like to cook and I don’t get to do it for other people very often

Would that be okay?

It’s fine if not, I’ll just pick a place.

The texts had come in so fast, TK hadn’t been able to respond. He had found Carlos’s anxious spiral to be a relief, as the man usually presented himself with so much confidence — a requirement for a police office, sure, but still unnerving. It’s that, more than anything else, that inspires TK to agree.

But now, sitting in Carlos’s apartment, staring down at the tamales on his plate, he just feels so disconnected from everything around him. He tries hard to grasp onto something, anything, but the false reality of his dad’s death keeps him from holding firm to anything real around him.

“TK?”

Lost in his own head, he doesn’t notice Carlos approaching him until there’s a gentle hand on his shoulder. It throws him, full-force, back into the moment, and he looks up to find Carlos standing next to him, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“You okay?”

TK doesn’t respond, just continues to stare up at him, trying to make sense of where exactly he is and what he’s doing here. He can’t help thinking that he probably shouldn’t be.

“Something wrong with the tamales?” Carlos tries again, glancing down at the plate that TK has barely touched. TK looks down at it too, but he’s still not processing anything in a way that makes any sense. With a deep breath, he leans forward onto the table, crossing his arms in front of him and clenching his fingers around them, trying to ground himself. He feels Carlos’s hand fall from his shoulder, and immediately misses the weight.

“It’s something else, isn’t it?” Carlos says, obviously trying to fill the heavy silence. “Look, I know you didn’t want to do this, and I hope you didn’t feel pressured into anything. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

TK hears a shuffle and glances over, seeing that Carlos has shifted to sit at the head of the table, resting his arm on the surface and propping his head against his closed fist as he leans in TK’s direction. The action pulls his shirt sleeve tight around his bicep, and TK is distracted as his eyes travel over the man in front of him.

“TK, can you just tell me what’s wrong?” Carlos hedges, his body shifting slightly with discomfort under TK’s scrutiny. “I want us to be able to talk, TK. Talk to me.”

TK’s gaze shifts to Carlos’s face, pulled in by his bright brown eyes. They’re wide open and earnest. The sight causes TK’s breath to catch in his throat, just like it did when they sat like this at the police station less than two weeks ago. He’s still not used to people looking at him with so much open emotion; New Yorkers are notorious for being closed-off and guarded. He’s never met someone who wears their heart on their sleeve the way that Carlos does; it’s weird, but he finds it comforting. It makes him want to try too, to be more open like Carlos.

He holds Carlos’s gaze and, with a deep breath, speaks for the first time in what might be hours or days or weeks, but is probably just mere minutes. “My dad has cancer.”

Carlos’s eyes flicker in shock for just a brief moment, but he doesn’t look away. His hand drops down to the table, landing next to TK’s elbow. TK can feel the warmth, even though they aren’t touching. There’s a shift in the energy of the room, but Carlos is as steady as always, and TK can’t hold back any longer.

“He was diagnosed in New York. He didn’t tell me. I found out yesterday.” The words come out choppy and disjointed, monotonous and somewhat clinical. “He didn’t think I could handle it. He told me that wasn’t it, but I know it was. He was right, too. I can’t handle it. I keep fading out, losing myself. Thinking about him not being here with me. I. . . I. . .”

His words catch in his throat. His eyes scan Carlos’s face, trying to cling to something, but for the first time, he can’t tell what the other man is thinking. TK’s eyes widen, the fear of losing control right now sending him into a panic, but before he can go too far, he feels Carlos’s hand make contact with his skin. The touch opens his throat wide as a shaky gasp falls from him. “I can’t lose him. I can’t. He’s the only person I have. I can’t be alone. I don’t know what will happen to me if I’m alone. I can’t lose my dad. I can’t—“

His brain cuts him off as, without warning, Carlos rises from the table and moves behind him. It’s so fast that TK has no idea how it even happened. One moment, Carlos is at the table beside him; the next, he feels the other man’s body wrapped all around him, so close that he can’t tell where they each begin and end.

Carlos slides his arm around TK’s shoulders, linking their fingers together against TK’s chest. TK grips his forearm with his other hand, relishing in the feel of Carlos’s warm, coarse skin against his fingertips. Carlos’s right arm comes around him from the other side, his head resting next to TK’s, their faces pressed together, side-by-side. From behind, Carlos’s firm torso settles against TK’s back and shoulders, only the back of TK’s chair keeping them from fully melding into one.

Neither speaks. TK has no idea what he would even say. He has never, ever, been held like this before. At least, not by someone like Carlos. Certainly not by Alex, the man he had planned to spend the rest of his life with; they never touched like this. When he was younger, in his teens, before Alex, he touched guys in a different way, almost always for pleasure. But that’s not what this is; this is the furthest thing from sex.

He can feel himself vibrating, so much emotion throbbing through him, but instead of backing off, Carlos just holds him tighter, the hand that’s not holding TK’s rubbing softly against his skin. It’s so gentle, so caring, that TK can only remember being held by one other person with this kind of warmth and strength.

As a kid, TK used to think that Owen Strand could win an award for giving the best hugs in the entire universe. When TK would tell him that, his dad would give him a wide grin and gather him up in his arms, spinning him wildly around the room as TK’s giggles filled the space. He’s never felt safer than in the arms of his dad. His biggest hero. His one constant.

At this moment, all TK can think is how he now has a limited number of those hugs left.

The sudden thought steals the air right from his lungs. Carlos must sense it, because he turns his face towards TK, his nose pressing into the man’s temple. His lips softly caress TK’s ear as he finally speaks. “Breathe, TK,” he whispers softly. “Just breathe.”

It takes a minute before TK really comprehends what he’s saying. The room begins to spin, a result of the lack of oxygen to his brain, but Carlos is there the entire time. TK can feel his breath on his face, and he tries to focus on it, to synch-up their breathing. Carlos is patient and quiet, no longer speaking once he realizes that TK is making an effort to take in oxygen. However, he keeps his body wrapped tightly around TK, making it easier to feel each inhale and exhale.

It takes a while, what feels like hours, but finally TK feels his body relax. His breathing evens out, his vision clears. For the first time, he feels like he’s fully here, in Carlos’s apartment, with the man himself; for the first time all day, he’s fully in the present moment. TK grips Carlos’s hand tightly, silently thanking him for keeping him grounded.

Carlos seems to recognize TK’s newfound calm because he loosens his hold on him; he doesn’t pull away completely, but he gives TK a little space, resting his chin on TK’s shoulder.

“I know that we don’t really do this,” Carlos starts, and TK turns to face him, letting him know that he’s paying attention, “but thank you for letting me help. And for telling me.”

TK shifts just a bit to look Carlos in the eyes; they’re still wide open, but they’re softer than they were before. His forehead is creased in concern, but it doesn’t feel like pity.

“I’ve only known him for a little while, but your dad is one of the strongest people that I’ve ever met,” Carlos says, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth across TK’s right arm. “And you, TK, are one of the strongest people that I’ve ever met. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’d put my money on the two of you any day.”

“And no matter what happens with your dad, TK,” Carlos continues, and TK feels him take a deep breath before he goes on, “you are not alone here. You have your entire team, your familia, and they’ve got your back. Siempre.”

TK nods, but he gets the feeling that there’s more Carlos wants to say. The other man has broken eye contact following his little speech, and now he’s looking down at where his thumb continues to glide across TK’s skin.

TK thinks he knows what this is; Carlos has been burned by him before when he dared to show a hint of intimacy, and now he’s keeping his guard up, trying to stay more on the surface instead of diving in head first. TK understands, and he doesn’t blame Carlos for it, but he also wants them to be honest with each other. His last relationship fell apart because of withheld information, and he doesn’t want that with Carlos, no matter what kind of relationship they end up having together.

He knows that he’s going to have to make a move, to prove to Carlos that he’s not running away; that he has no interest in running away from him again.

They’re already sitting so close, but TK leans forward slightly, enough to nudge his forehead against Carlos’s temple. “You’re right,” he says, lips raising into a smirk. “I’ve got my team. And what about you?”

TK feels Carlos’s thumb stop its movement on his arm, but at the same time, he sees his lips turn up into a small smile. He might even be blushing. “Me?” Carlos says, and TK can hear a hint of what might be his signature sass coming out. It makes him smile. “I’m not going anywhere.” Carlos pulls back, looking TK directly in the eye. “You’ve got me whenever you need me, TK.”

The sincerity in his voice doesn’t surprise TK — if he’s learned anything about Carlos in the time that they’ve known each other, it’s that he’s an incredibly genuine person — but it still takes TK aback; he’s still adjusting to life away from the more distant people in New York.

Carlos, ever the observant officer, seems to understand that TK doesn’t necessarily have a response to his honesty; that he needs more time. So, he fills the silence for him.

“But right now, you need to eat. I did not spend hours on these tamales for you to just stare at them with those puppy dog eyes.” Carlos’s eyes glint with laughter as he pulls back, dragging his hands slowly away as he stands straight. TK huffs out a laugh, looking down at his plate. He feels Carlos move around the table to take his seat across from him.

They’re quiet, but it’s not awkward. It feels calming, peaceful — the first peace that TK has known since finding the pills in his dad’s desk. He stares over at Carlos, his face softly glowing in the light from the candles, and takes a deep breath to settle himself.

He’s got this. He’s got Carlos. He’s got Judd, Marjan, Paul, and Mateo. And he’s still got his dad.

He’s got enough support to keep his head above the water.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #tarlos fanfic #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #I wrote a thing

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loulougoingsolo · 4 years

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DIYing a Bold Hair Choice

So, as we all know, we live in troubling times. I've personally been living in quarantine-like arrangements for about a month now, and although I've been mostly doing alright, some things have proven to be hard. I was supposed to have my hair professionally cut and dyed this week, but I had to cancel the appointment, and at the moment, I don't know when I'll get to visit the salon for the next time. So, I had to take matters (or scissors) to my own hands.

I'm a DIYer, but I've never cut my own hair. I've also had it professionally dyed since I was 15 or so. For a short period, I only had it bleached and cut by a pro, but then dyed it myself with a pretty intense cool shade of red - but other than that, and a few toner touch ups, I've always relied on professionals. So I was in a bit of a pickle, when I realized that I'd have to either DIY or have my grey roots grow wild for months. And because my hair is short, the roots way too grey for my age, and I had all this time ln my hands, there was really only one way this could go.

When I go about a DIY project, my first step, always, is thorough research. I had an idea for what I'd attempt to achieve, so I went on Youtube and searched for diy haircuts. I got some good tutorials, but most of them were for long hair - and I also got suggested GMM episode #989, in which Rhett and Link battle in cutting their own hair (wigs). Can I just say, they predicted the Tiger King craze long before Netflix:

So, I immediately figured I would not be able to follow yhe hair styling tutorials of this GMM episode. First of all, I could only find one pair of scissors even remotely sharp enough to cut hair. They were not sharp enough. Secondly, the longest part of my hair barely reaches my chin. I would need to really commit to every snip I make, or I'd end up with a bald hair style, instead of bold. As attractive and gorgeous some people are with a fully shaved head, with my head shape, that was something to avoid at all costs.

Another thing I was worried about was that I'd probably end up cutting my own finger, like Link. I've always found it extra difficult to see my own reflection in a mirror and try to do accurate motions according to the reflection. Simply put, my brain gets confused. Also, I don't really have a way to see the back of my head through the mirror at all. How the crap am I supposed to cut anything?

At this point, I understood that the actual haircut was going to be the tough part, so I decided to focus on the dye. Since I cojldn't just go to a big supermarket to buy the equipment, I had to order the dyes online. At this point my plan was simply to buy a multitude of wild colours to mix and match according to my mood, so I ordered a tub of Midnight Blue, Daffodil Yellow, Flamingo Pink and Cerise dyes, all by the brand La Riche Directions. These dyes are semi-permanent, sonI knew they wouldn't cause permanent damage to my hair, and at this point, that was kind of my goal - whatever I do, I don'g want to ruin things too badly. But, because I'm familiar with semi-permanent dyes, and I've had pretty much every shade on the spectrum on my hair at one point, I knew I might require an extra step to see results. Which is why, "just in case", I added a hair lightening kit to my order. I figured, I'd make some lighter strands on top, to have some colours show properly.

By the time the dyes arrived, I was already pretty fed up with my grey roots. I watched the GMMore which followed the hair cut episode. Rhett, who won the haircut challenge, got to decide what colours would go in Alex's hair. Alex had done the smart thing and bleached his hair professionally to be dyed in this episode, but he somehow agreed to letting Rhett and Link add the colours.

When Rhett explains everyone how he and Link used to dye eachother's hair back in the day, I realize that even though I'm technically watching a DIY hair tutorial, they aren't actually doing it themselves. It's quite different to put dye on someone else's head than your own. (Also, something I didn't notice back when I first saw this episode: Link says it would be crazy for him to have his hair dyed, but looking back, he most certainly had his hair dyed at this time.)

It was slightly alarming to see that Alex was worried about how things would go. I could hardly expect to achieve anything much better than the guys, since at least they had the studio lighting and a full team to help rhem not screw up. I had a mirror in my dark toilet, which is barely big enough to stand in.

I also forgot to buy vaselkne, which was a big mistake - although I don't think it's even possible to buy a container that big here. Why would they have that at Mythical in the first place? But something about seeing how much trouble the guys were having controlling the unmixed streaks of dye and all that vaseline made me worried.

At this point, I need to tell you that seeing the blank canvas which was Alex's hair, I, now the proud owner of a 40 % bleack kit (which apparently is the strong stuff), decided I was not going to waste energy by trying to dye my hair without bleaching, only to find out that the colours didn't show. So, I mixed the bleach, put on a worn-out t-shirt, used hand lotion to vas up my forehead, neck and ears, and then just went for it.

I did watch quite a few proper tutorials. They taught me, firstly, that 40% was a no-no. Secondly, never bleach something that has already been bleached, especially, if your hair has multiple colours. Forth, never start from the roots, as they get bleached faster (this ended up being the only rule I followed). And, above all, go to a professional.

So, I added the bleach to my hair. First I tried sticking to just a few strands, but then a blop of the bleach fell on the wrong spot, and I figured, why not just go full head. I did. I left the stuff on for maybe 20 minutes, and after that I got scared and rinsed it off. Then, I used a silver toner, and was left with a fascinating mix of orange, yellow and white hair - and a strand of persistent green from my previous dye. But it was blond enough for my plans.

Alex had a beautiful mix of blue, pink and purple in his hair - and that accidental splash of green - and after considering thoroughly, I decided to go for these colours, too. I mean, pink, purple and blue are my jam. Also, as much as I wanted to go full rainbow, I figured it would be an impossible task to keep the different colours from mixing, and that might result in brown, which is the colour of defeat. So, I went with midnight blue, flamingo pink and cerise, and wasn't too concerned aboit getting the colours mixed together.

This is how Alex's hair looked on the episode, before he rinsed the extra dye off:

I couldn't find any good photos of his hair after it was rinsed, but tgere was one which suggested only a faint shade of blue stuck.

And finally, here's what happened with my hair. Now, I'm not posting my face here, just the hair. Imagine a white blop with green eyes below the hair, and you'll get the idea. In the first two pictures is my hair during normal times, and just before I diyed it. It looks particularly nasty in the just before hack job pic, because it was adviced not to wash your hair before bleachkng to save the scalp - but as you can see, this was not a fun thing to see in the mirror each morning:

After I had dyed my hair, I did some snips here and there, and also, because I was able to borrow a hair clipper from my dad, some clipping - which in my books, saved the day. The haircut is pretty botched, but I actually absolutely love the colour. And the criss-cross shave despite it being pretty bad - it also looks badass in real life. The picture taken outside shows the pink colours more accurately, but the cut shows better in the other pic. There are a couple of ways I can style this later on, but I kept styling to minimum for starters, because I didn't want to cause extra damage to my hair:

So, this has been the story of how I diyed my hair during quarantine. My mom loves the whole thing (I showed it to her yesterday while taking them groceries), and although there are some spots in the back which could have more colour in them, I'm pretty satisfied. I know my hairdresser is going to weep when she sees me, but she'll get over it.

So, in conclusion: Would I do this again? Yes, but I'd definately leave the cutting and bleaching to the pros. Also, now I can't really bleach again for a while. But I'm actually thinking about taking the dyes I have to my hairdresser so she can dye my hair properly with them, in a healthier way, once all this chaos settles and it's safe again. I'd probably need a slightly darker, permanent colour to the roots, but I absolutely love these insanely bright colours. And I'm so going to try the full rainbow this summer, too.

Would I recommend this to others? Yes, but with caution. The direct semi-permanent colours are safe and won't damage the hair, but bleach does. My hair is naturally a tad too dark to show bright colours properly, so I took the risk. I was also mentally prepared to shave the whole thing off and wear my mythical hat for the summer - but I'm happy that wasn't necessary. If you aren't willing to risk damaging your hair, stick to semi-permanents.

To end this post, here's a selfie I took yesterday on my grocery store trip in full safety gear (I have a paper mask under the scarf):

Stay safe! Do things that make you happy! BYMB! 💗💗💗

#diy hair #bold hair choice #inspired by #gmm 989 #diy hair cut #diy hair dye #quarantine glam #pink purple and blue hair #bymb

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abybweisse · 5 years

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LONG VENT POST: Family issues, part 1 of ?

So, a bit ago I said I’m not as active right now, due to family issues. I didn’t want to fill the thread of that post with all the long, sordid details.

Right now I’m trying to get my mother into an “assisted living and memory care” community (nursing home, basically) and doing everything I can to stop her credit union accounts from hemorrhaging from all her incompetence (she’s been scammed a bunch and generally taken advantage of).

Yesterday’s biggest takeaway was the discovery of numerous scams she fell for over the past few years... plus three months worth of fraudulent Uber and Uber Eats charges... and the fact that she pays about $550/mo on car insurance but the last couple times (at least, maybe more) she got collision repairs done? She didn’t file claims and pay a $500 deductible. No, she paid in full, out of pocket. Out $7k instead of $1k for two repairs in just a few months’ time. How can you pay huge insurance premiums and never notify them when you need collision repairs?!

Found out just recently that about a couple years ago, someone scammed her for an easy $5k. Found out she never deposits the full amount on car payments I send her. She never makes full deposits on the rent a tenant pays her. Instead, she cashes much of them out, and I have no idea what she does with the cash.

She buys stuff in bulk but cannot use most of it before it goes bad, but she refuses to toss out expired foods. Her hoarding tendencies have gotten worse. Even though she tells my sister and I not to send her gifts that would add to the clutter in the house, I found out yesterday she’s been dropping $200-$300 on random stuff from places like TJ Maxx and Tuesday Morning just because they made her “happy”. She hasn’t even unpackaged the hanging glass butterflies or other things. I told her she can take them to the “home”....

She’s wrecked two brand new Priuses (about $30k each, each paid up front/in full with inheritance money from my dad, who died five years ago) within about two years’ time. The first was “totaled”, but I have yet to verify whether she ever opened a claim to get money for it. This one hasn’t been officially declared totaled or repairable. I had to file the claim on it on her behalf. For all I know, the $550/mo premium might be on both cars. I’ll know for sure soon. If she’s been paying insurance on a car that was “totaled” two years ago instead of getting market value of about $22k, I will definitely break down and cry. For at least the 50th time in the past few days. Seriously, if she just found out the previous one couldn’t be fixed and walked away from it without filing a claim and getting the huge payout... and is therefore also still paying for insurance on it? I’ll probably scream, too.

The latest (and last ever) car wreck was last Wednesday. We’ve been telling her for over a year she shouldn’t be driving. Her doctors have told her the same for at least 6mo. My sister and I were planning to visit her and take away her keys, but the wreck happened before we could even finalize our travel plans.

This time, she was trying to get to dialysis (she goes three days a week), and she couldn’t use Uber anymore, so she was determined to drive herself. Just before 5 am, she was driving down her own residential street and blacked out (apparently) and hit three parked (and unoccupied) vehicles. Police showed up and she got out of her car and told them she needed a ride to dialysis. One of the officers took her. She can’t recall hitting three cars. Told me she hit a curb and one car. Later told someone else she only hit a curb. I don’t know anything about the curb, but probably. However, I definitely believe the police report that three parked cars were hit badly and had to be towed away, too. After the police spoke to her tenant, they said they’d make things easier for us and revoke her license. Phew.

I convinced dialysis staff (actually, they completely agreed without question) to send her to hospital afterwards instead of letting yet another friend take her home. Good thing, too, because before dialysis was even up that morning, she was in a lot of pain; she had told them earlier she didn’t need to be looked at. Well... no broken bones, no major injuries, and her labs were ok except slightly low potassium. However, a brain scan showed something I already knew just by dealing with her: it showed ischemic changes associated with dementia. Monday of that week, I had called her renal doctor to tell him I worried about her mental health and wondered if it had anything to do with the renal failure. He said he didn’t think so; it’s got to be something else causing the mental decline we are seeing. When I told him she’s still driving sometimes, he became furious and said he’d refer her to get a full dementia evaluation. Well, before he could even get the referral to her, she’d wrecked again. He’s seen her now, but I haven’t heard any updates from him. Mom says she hasn’t done the evaluation (that she knows of), and she heard someone at the hospital mention “dementia”, but she doesn’t recall what they said about it. 😔

I didn’t take photos when I finally saw her car, but I’m going back up to Dallas tomorrow and staying in a Motel 6 overnight (with my dog) to take care of as much financial matters for her as I can in these next two days. I’ll get another chance to see the car (to clean out items), so I’ll take pics then. I might not get back to Austin until sometime Wednesday. Not sure about Wednesday yet, but I already requested Monday and Tuesday off from work by email and left a vm with coworkers. I’m about to run out of annual leave because of this. I know I’ll be making many weekend trips coming up until my sister and I have gotten her moved into the nursing facility. And for a while afterwards, too, since we have to clean out the house, put some of her stuff into a storage unit, and sell the house ASAP. Plus, we need to visit often, at least at first, to make sure she’s settled in, isn’t hating it too much, and is being taken care of properly.

It’s a good thing my sister is paying for my hotel charges and has also offered gas money (though I haven’t asked for gas money... yet). This is still way cheaper for her than booking herself flights back and forth between Olympia, WA and Dallas, TX. The more leg work I do on this, the happier my sister is to help with my travel costs. Honestly, she really doesn’t want to come down here until it’s time to move our mom, clean the house, and put it up for sale.

And, since we have so little time to get her affairs in order, we are placing her in the only community my mom and I have toured, so far. I told her if it turns out to not be a good place (at all) once she moves in, we can keep looking at others (while she still lives at that one) and move her again. But, honestly, this place does seem nice enough, and none of these places are perfect. Plus, it’s right next to the hospital where she always goes... the one where her doctors are associates. I joked that if they needed to send her to the hospital, they could put her on a gurney and wheel her down the street. She laughed at that and said the location is perfect.

Sigh. She’s being compliant and has even said thanks for us (her two daughters) stepping up to help her and get things taken care of. We were afraid she would refuse to leave her house of almost 40years. She’s not even batting an eye at us deciding to sell the house to make sure she can afford the rent and services (the suites at the community are rented out like apartments, but with three meals a day and unlimited snacks, weekly cleaning service, weekly laundry service, landline phone, cable, and internet included. We will have to pay more for “memory care” and probably for medical transport they provide (unless that’s included, too), plus whatever else. She might take her cat with her, or she might leave him with a friend of the family. But it’s a one-time, non-refundable fee of $500 if she keeps him. I kind of hope she gives him up, and they just bring him along on visits to her. She would have trouble taking care of him.

She’s never shown me her finances before. We had no idea how bad (completely uncontrolled) her spending was. It was probably bad enough before our dad died, but afterwards, she started going downhill fast. Now she’s in renal failure and requires dialysis three days a week. She’s recently lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a very short time, apparently because she can’t remember to eat and sometimes she’s too disoriented to get up. She can’t cook anymore, and she’s hardly done cleaning chores since she had kids (that’s what us kids were for: housework). So she’s a money-wasting hoarder in a house full of dirty dishes, dirty clothes, clutter everywhere, and $100’s — maybe $1000 worth — of groceries she can’t get through but won’t throw out when they go bad. And she won’t let anyone else touch them while she’s still living there.

I have so much to do the next couple days, I had to write a list of each thing I need to look into and take care of before I return home. I still have some stuff to get ready for the trip, so this is the end of the first vent post.

I hope I get more sleep tonight than I have the past week....

#off topic #PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG #will reblog to off topic #might delete later #venting #family problems #dementia #assisted living #nursing home #memory care #long post #personal post

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2womenforme · 3 years

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who ever is playing this woman needs to be dealt with Do you have my boxes and trying to play smart or something?I’m trying to understand the reason why you are sounding like I know it was going to turn out this way? go talk t the manager who helped u send it andtalk to u self of how u are gonna problem solve this cause i alredy gave u problem solves but u do not like or do not listen and u are about to convince me to block u for a week or 2 How do you expect me to do that knowing the situation here in camp? You must be out of your mind because you will live to regret all your actions Hello David How are you doing same as usual here Hello Good morning hello goo eve Williams Anderson Jan 1, 2021, 1:31 PM (6 days ago) to me Thank you for your recent order from Magaya shipping cargo.I am pleased to share that your order was shipped on [December 21,2020] via Magaya shipping cargo Service. Your packages are now in (Rochester International Airport US)It has been detained by the custom. During the scanning, it was detected that your package contains American dollars. Below is your current delivery status U1-200945-001: Inc Number 344UIONH910: Contract Reg. no CD-US44A201: Code Customer Ref No: 018816576 Customer Name:David Corbett Registered by: Elena Barnett Destination: Minnesota US Current location:Rochester International Airport Delivery Status: Pending Clarification Package Details: Photographic Materials Weight: 24kg Items:2 This is inform you that the contract registration number is valid and the airport authority demanded for all legal back up to prove that the package doest contain drugs or terrorist money I have presented the papers and handed it over to them and they are very pleased with the papers I presented. But it was made to my notice that the boxes need a delivery tag which is placed on the boxes by the airport authorities so that we can exist the airport immediately and the package can be delivered to you today successful . After every arrangement they said the tag fee is $1000 on this arrangement please note that we want to let you know that your shipment does not have DHS approval Delivery tag’s as it doesn’t contain an immunity seal and clearance need to be paid at this point For your information the sender Elina has paid for registration and shipping charges But you need to get this two tags placed on the boxes as it will enable successful delivery to your destination address(home address) Immunity tags permit:$1000 Yellow tag $270 Safe insurance ..$125 Security .$330 Taxes ..$220 TOTAL…$1,945 DIRECT BANK DEPOSIT. Thursday, December 31, 2020, 9:43 PM +0430 from [email protected] : David Corbett David Corbett 12:23 PM (1 minute ago) to Williams it is not mine it is elena barnetts she said she was in danger at a military camp in afghan and wanted to try a safer place for her personal belongings and i did not know what it was and figured she would send what was legal so u contact her ,i only meet her online for a month ish and do not know if she is even a real woman i got one pic of ,, sort it out with her, [email protected] I am a USA Air Born Army 82 Battalion Camp Phoenix Afghanistan Base 2, i work with the united state peace keeping force in Kabul Afghanistan and my father has worked a variety of jobs, but he ended up in the Military Before he died, then I decided to take after my father in the military.My name is sergeant Elina I was born in Germany November 11 1987. I come from a middle-class background family, and i am the only child of my parents, my mother was from England While my dad from U.S. , [email protected] What is the meaning of all this? Do you have my boxes now? nope it says who has them just sending u the e mail saying so Are you joking with me or something? i am smart ass with truth in it but not much of a joker or liar, and the post above is a copy of the email i got and bottom is what sent back to them Don’t be silly and stop talking nonsense, I asked you before sending my belongings to you and now you sit there and tell me nonsense it is what it is and i posted it to u what i know about it If anything happens to my belongings I will not be happy with you. well u be unhappy with u and delivery company it was never in my possesion Williams Anderson 6:50 PM (8 minutes ago) to me This package was registered in your name and who you are to her does not matter to us as we are diplomatic delivery and we are only doing our job, We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail to respond until the expiry date of the foremost package we may refer the package to the commission of welfare as the package doesn’t have a return address Kindly contact the delivery department with this email. You are to forward us with the copy of receipt for immediate pick up. Thanks. David Corbett 6:58 PM (0 minutes ago) to Williams David Corbett 6:58 PM (0 minutes ago) to Williams i gave u her e mail address so talk to her i am not responsible for anothers stuff and especially anothers stuff that was never in my possession and i also gave her a copy of your last e mail and will this one , [email protected] u aparently sent stuff thats a no no for customs to get involved and also did not put return adress n it? How I’m I supposed to put return address or did I not tell you I’m in the camp and how do you expect me to Handel that I don’t want anything to happen to my luggage Please negotiate with them and as soon as they deliver them to you open it and take all that you have spent and keep the rest in the bank or a safer place. It’s not safe in their hands and look at what the email says and how will you feel if they are been referred to the commission of welfare? Remember if it had to be handed over to the commission welfare you and I are in a big danger because we will be charged for money laundering Try and settle with them so they can deliver our package to you immediately i was not $ laundering did not know u where sending $ nor lots of it so have at it but worse should havppen to u and any trying to drag me into your crap i told u it all sounds like a scam anyway your delivery people could be u also and all a lie for me to send u $ and i send no one $ i have no adress it was just gonna sit where it was delivered till u get it all along = i had no plans of going to my mothers to get it at any time unless u where driving us there and i will block u for a few weeks now for this think and do of yours rather then u problem solve it from your end and with your delivery people i will not answer u tonight but i will block u for 2 ish weeks after i think u got it and read it i will not deal with that item again since u just admitted for the 1st time it was illegal stuff = $ laundering and if u start talking about it again in 2 weeks i will block u for good

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sugaabooga · 7 years

Text

lowkey part-timer!Jisung

Pairing: Yoon Jisung x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Christmas-themed, bullet-point scenario

Summary: A Christmas romance sparks between you and the cute, bubbly part-timer in your local grocery store.

Warnings: None

A/N: First story in the Christmas-themed scenarios I’m doing! I’m hoping I’ll be able to finish all of the rest 17 scenarios by Christmas!

Jisung was the cute part-timer at your local grocery store

He’s been working as the cashier in aisle 8 after he’s graduated from uni after he couldn’t find a job that pays decently

He decided to stay in his hometown, after suffering in a totally new city, and got a part-time job as a cashier that paid pretty well

You on the other hand, bought your own studio after moving out of your hometown

Your job as a photographer caused you move out and go to other places rather than your small town that always made you feel caged

You were putting together all your pictures you had taken the past week since you had to put out a new project soon

You decided to take a break and have a quick lunch then walk around to the parts of the city that you hadn’t been able to see yet

When you come out of your studio with all your necessities, you realize that a bunch of people were putting up Christmas decor and trees around their shops

It was Christmas? Already?

You celebrated Christmas, for you were a religious person, but you never got the whole holiday spirit type of thing

You didn’t really enjoy Christmas songs or the cold really

when you came out of your house you had only slipped on a thin cardigan with your camera and everything in your purse

You hated the cold

You had once been locked out of your house one winter and had to wait outside until your parents got back home from work

You were practically frozen when your dad discovered you covering your body with the welcome mat

So yah you had a trauma of the cold

You quickly take some pictures of the snow and all the people getting on ladders to decorate the light posts and rooftops

You smile at your work and skip down the sidewalk to the farther parts of town

You find yourself in front of a market which you had never seen before even when you were driving around when you first came

Maybe it was new?

You went in since you were hungry anyway and they most likely had samples

Meanwhile, Jisung was helping some of the other workers take out boxes and such, since no one was really in the lines

You were eating some of the sample dumplings when you see a chip bag fall

You’re about to pick it up when you feel more chip bags falling on you

You lift up your arms to shield yourself and let out a small shriek

You lose your balance when a heavy box falls on you

“OMG I’M SO SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!?!? OMG OMG!”

You’re ready to give the guy a piece of your mind

But then all your thoughts are lost bc

Wow

This guy was cute

He was almost pouting while putting the bags back in the box

He noticed that you were standing back up so he quickly got up and bowed to you

“I’m so sorry….I-I didn’t see you there!”

You’re about to tell him it’s okay, but then suddenly a man who seemed like the manager came storming over

“YOON JISUNG!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? JUST BC IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS TIME IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD LOSE YOUR WORKING MENTALITY! YO-”

“It’s fine! It was my fault! I suddenly stepped in front of him while he was passing.”

You defend jisung and he’s actually really surprised!?!?

Bc a normal person would be complaining w/the manager

And it would end up w/jisung mopping the floors or something

Yea this wasn’t the first time jisung caused trouble lol

But here you were LYING so he wouldn’t get in trouble

The manager is left speechless bc he kinda looks down on Jisung

So he storms away annoyed

Jisung glances at his furious manager then thanks you

“This isn’t the first time this happened & i prob would’ve gotten fired. thank you so much”

You grin bc omg he was so cute?

His santa hat was about to fall off so you reach over and straighten it up

Making jisungs cheeks turn soo red you thought he was gonna burst

You leave after that whole incident and you come back a week later

You just couldn’t get jisung out of your mind

You were sorta hoping to see him somewhere around the area where you live but no luck:P

So you just decided to go to his workplace yourself

When you entered, you were really shocked bc it was reallyyyyy busy

There were so many more ppl than last time

It was prob bc Christmas was now a week away

And ppl just buy presents last minute ya know

They were also preparing more food for family&friends so yah

You grab a pack of gum and head to the shortest line which was aisle 8

You were looking at your pics that you took earlier and that’s when you hear a familiar voice greet the elderly woman in front of you

You look up w/hope that it was Jisung and boi oh boi yes it was

This time he was wearing a headband w/reindeer ears that were somehow slightly slanted

After he greets the woman in front of you goodbye he turns to you with a smile then it falters when he notices

Wow it’s that really cute girl that defended me from my devil-ish manager

You just politely smile, not knowing if he remembered you since you were irrelevant ya know

But then he totally remembers you bc

“OMG IM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? AH~ AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME FROM GETTING FIRED!”

“......uh...no problem?”

He grins and tries to make small talk w/you which is cute aha

Even tho you’re only buying one pack of gum

He somehow takes ten minutes to scan the barcode and charge you ???

I can’t with jisung he’s such a cute, underappreciated bean

You were in the middle of a very intense convo about beavers so you decide to meet him at a nearby coffee shop on Christmas Eve (may or may not be where barista!daniel works but you should go check it out :P shameless self-promo)

Both of you forget to give ea. other your numbers

But hopefully both of you will remember about that date meeting

AND YOU DO

fate really is on your side

You enter the coffee shop at like 6pm bc you weren’t sure if you guys decided the exact time to meet

You guys didn’t lol

But ya know

Fate will bring the two of you together right?

You wait for thirty minutes, but still no Jisung

You’re starting to think that he forgot, but then remembered he had a shift that ends at 9pm

Idk how you knew that but...it works

so you decide to just sit there and sip on some drinks

you take pictures and all

You’re so immersed into taking pictures of everything around the whole shop, that you don’t notice the timid and nervous looking man entering the now, almost empty cafe

You’re frowning at the picture you just took when you feel a tap on your shoulder

You turn around to see Jisung with a sorry, but excited grin on his face

You greet him with a wide smile as he apologizes how he didn’t know what time he had to come

He starts to ramble and you shush him

Like why does this guy say ‘sorry’ so many times?

“It’s fine. We both forgot to say a time to meet up. Besides, I wasn’t here that long”

He seems a tiny bit less sorry so the two of you start the convo about the beavers again

The talk about beavers went to zoos then went to how your lives went then led to your jobs, your interests, your hobbies, what that girl was wearing, blah blah blah

You felt like you really had a connection w/jisung

The two of you, as cliche as it may sound, clicked immediately

It only felt like five minutes passed, but the coffee shop owner had to kick you guys out since it was thirty minutes past closing time

You swap numbers this time and plan to meet each other at the same place tmrw @ 7pm for the annual Christmas tree lighting at downtown

Both of you lived alone and you suggested “why not have the loners meet up on Christmas Day?”

Jisung didn’t have work and you didn’t want to stress about your projects, so the two of you had agreed

As you walk back home you cant help but feel so giddy

How was a man having this much of an effect on you?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THING FOR HIMMMM

You smile at all the snow piling up and gape at how beautiful everything seemed

You have never felt so excited for Christmas

The next day comes by SO SLOWLYYYY

You weren’t able to sleep from the anxiousness and expectation you had for the next day so you were sorta tired

But you got dressed in simple clothing and went out for a walk and to buy Jisung a Christmas present

You didn’t know what he liked since you literally starte talking to him a wk ago

So you settle for some Christmas-themed socks, beanie, a pair of house slippers, and a gift card to the coffee shop you had been at yesterday

As you walk in and out of stores, you couldnt help but sing along to the Christmas carols that were playing

which you had never done b4

you did a double take and stopped singing, but you found urself humming along to “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”

And you also couldn’t help but oogle at all the stuffed animals that filled the walls

They were SO CUTEEE AND FLUFFYYYY

One of the stuffed ducks reminded you a lot of Jisung so you decided to buy it

You bought a lot of things, but they were all for a decent price so :))

It gets really dark really soon and it’s 6pm

ONE MORE HOUR TILL YOU MET JISUNG

You hurry back home and quickly dress in layers since it was going to be collldddd

The weather forecast said there was a 99.99999999% it was going to snow, so you couldn’t risk it

Even tho the weather forecast is always wrong

You pack your camera again bc you were planning to create a Christmas themed project nxt

As you run out the door you send Jisung a txt saying that you’ll be right there since it was five minutes till seven

When you arrive in the warm shop, your glasses immediately fog up causing you to groan

You try to fan the fog away but to no avail:)

Then you hear a big laugh and you turn to sorta make out a figure that looks like Jisung

He takes the end of his sleeve and cleans your glasses and you’re met with the brightest smile you have ever seen in your whole entire life

Maybe that’s when you fell for him

Tho it was a person you had known for a little over a week

You felt like you knew Jisung since you were a kid

He hands you a cup of peppermint hot chocolate and pulls you along to get a good view of the Christmas tree b4 too much ppl come along

You get there just in time and wait a few moments until the announcer comes out onto the podium

You and Jisung both cheer as the five minute countdown starts

The minutes go by so quickly and you jump up and down to keep yourself warm

Then you see a few snowflakes falling on Jisung

You both look up to see that ITS SNOWINGGGGGGG

The whole crowd of people ooh and ahh

And some kids squeal in glee

You softly smile and get out your camera to take a few shots of the falling snow

When you’re done there’s a minute left on the clock

You suddenly remember your present for Jisung and quickly get it out and hand it to him

“Merry Christmas!”

Jisung gasps and says ‘thank you’ in such a genuine way that it fills your heart w/pure happiness

He then shuffles around his backpack and takes out a large box that’s prob filled w/similar things as you gave him

You start to hear the announcer countdown from 10

ten

And that’s when Jisung starts to speak

“H-Hey, Y/N?”

Nine

“Hmm?”

Eight

“I know it’s been only like two weeks since we met”

Seven

But I can tell you’re such a nice person, ever since the day I first saw you”

Six

“You’re such a great person…and….uh”

You furrow your brows

What was he trying to say?

Five

“We have so many things in common than I thought we would”

Four

“I really thought i would get fired that day i dropped the chip bags on you”

You smile at the memories as the crowd gets louder and louder as the time to light the tree get closer

Three

“A-And ever since I saw you....Y/N...I uh”

You roll your eyes at his weird stalling

Two

“JISUNG! SPIT IT OUT!”

He looks at you w/wide eyes

One

“I-I LIKE YOU!”

The crowd erupts in cheers and claps w/kids screaming and laughing at the lights that shown brightly

The announcer shouts “now go home!” with a hearty laugh

Jisung stands in front of you with his hand clamped over his mouth

You stay silent and stare at him in shock

What were you supposed to say?

Sure you liked him, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to date someone you had known for a week

“T-THAT CAME OUT WRONG!”

you tilt your head in confusion

“What?”

“I don’t like you! NO NO I DO LIKE YOU! B-BUT-”

You burst out laughing at his panic

“I like you too, Jisung! But how bout having our first official date after getting to know each other a bit longer than a week?”

And the two of you stand in front of each other w/goofy smiles on your faces, in front of the glimmering, 30ft tall Christmas tree, underneath the moonlight in the gently falling snow

dang this was pretty bad lol

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #yoon jisung #yoon jisung scenarios #yoon jisung fluff #yoon jisung christmas #christmas scenario #thx for reading:))#christmas package #wanna one jisung #jisung au #wanna one au

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pokefanbri · 4 years

Text

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

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taenys · 4 years

Text

tw: sexual assault/rape

just felt like talking about my high school experience ‘cause a tv show triggered an old memory and i need to vent! mainly for myself!

spring of 2009, my first and only high school boyfriend sexually assaulted me. he held me down. chased me when i ran away. violently yanked the blanket off of me when i tried to hide my forcibly naked body from view. pulled me out from under the bed and flipped me over so i was face down on the carpet. i can picture every moment so clearly, but those are the ones that really....stick out. it was a phone call from my sister telling me she’d be coming home from work soon that got him to leave. we couldn’t be caught, you see. i wasn’t allowed to date so our relationship had to be a “secret.”

i was the quiet, weird, loner girl who’s only friends were a gay goth and a horse girl. i was an easy target for a confident football playing jock who ruled the school. he bullied me at school as a way to maintain our cover, and i was okay with that because A) i desperately wanted to be loved, wanted to experience the romance i’d read in books and seen in movies and i’d never experienced someone actually having a “crush” on me because i was ugly and weird and B) I grew up very isolated in a religious cult that told me dating without the intention of marriage and with someone outside of the religion was a one way ticket to eternal damnation.

so yeah, it seemed to be in my best interest to keep our relationship a secret, and if that meant he and his friends could laugh at me and call me an ugly nerd every now and again at school, then so be it. it was all pretend because in secret he actually “liked” me and thought i was “cute.” i didn’t even tell my 2 best friends that i was “dating” him. he, on the other hand, kept his very large friend group well informed of our status throughout. just how well informed, i didn’t find out about until after i graduated.

but anyways, after the assault (which was about 6 months into us being an item) i did end it. i could not physically be near him after that. but i still had to see him at school for a few months, though summer was soon approaching, so i did my best to avoid him. his friends really piled on the bullying in those last months though. i guess he’d told them all that Krystal the Loser dumped him, and they could not for the life of them understand how that could be. i blocked out most of the “ugly bitch” comments. i was running on autopilot trying to get out of that hell hole as quickly as possible. one of his close female friends even came up to me just to brag about how he’d tried to sleep with her multiple times while he was “dating” me because i wouldn’t “put out,” but that she felt sorry for me so she “resisted.” i didn’t care. i didn’t care about anything anymore at that point. i reached a point emotionally and mentally where i stopped feeling anything. i let my grades fall. i gave up on school all together. but it was okay because i was gonna be 16 and it was my dad’s dream for me to graduate early by taking my GED and getting right into college.

once summer came, i was free. i didn’t have to see any of those people. the nightmare was over!!! except...it wasn’t. 2010 came, i was settling into online college life, i had discovered kpop and found a reason to Feel and Live again and i was...okay. i felt okay with life. kpop was a HUGE reason for that. the friends i had began to make on here were a massive reason for that as well. i’ll never forget those first friends i made...serene...marine...anne...ANYWAYS, time went on and i moved on...mostly. i still used facebook regularly and saw what everyone in high school was up to. and then one day my best friend from high school, the gay goth, sent me this message:

He’d actually shown people our, or should i say MY text messages, private intimate things i’d said and shared when we were “dating.”15 year old virgin krystal never knew what the fuck she was doing in this relationship, i’d never watched porn, sex scared me even before he assaulted me, i just wanted to experience my first fucking kiss, to hold hands with someone i was in love with, cute shit like that. but of course that wasn’t going to be enough after a while for someone like him. these things that i'd said that i thought were special and romantic at the time were being shared around and laughed at. people were laughing at me. haha look at the shit that nerdy loser krystal used to text me hahahahaha hilarious. no doubt made more hilarious since most people never knew we were secretly dating at the time. i just became the ugly loner girl who was sending sexts to the popular jock because she had some hopeless pathetic crush. i could live with that. what i could NOT live with though was what else i learned.

days after i got some messages from other high school acquaintances telling me that they’d heard there were nudes of me on his phone. one girl was very “umm ewww is it true you sent ***** nudes? i heard from *insert one of his friend’s names here* that you did and he’s seen them.” i got about 3 or 4 myspace messages (yeah, MYSPACE...shudder) from people informing me of that they’d heard photos of me were being shared. people were seeing them. people were talking about them. my 15 year old bra pics were the talk of the school. and i went from being an invisible nobody to the school’s biggest slut. thank FUCK i didn’t actually go to high school anymore.

guys are assholes. guys who show their friends their girlfriend’s nudes are the worst kind of asshole. truly. i know he wasn’t printing out copies of my pictures and taping them up on walls or even mass texting them to other people because the pictures themselves would’ve reached me eventually. they never did. but that act...the sharing of my messages and photos worst of all was such a......horrific violation. i was violated in so many fucking ways. emotionally, mentally, physically, and no one cared. not a single person cared. the messages i got were all “you’re fucked up” or “why would you do that?” and not a single person questioned why he’d share those things. did he want to make sure everyone hated me and thought i was a disgusting slut in the event i told people that he’d raped me? that way they’d all be on his side and think i’m just an obsessed freak who wouldn’t leave him alone. well, i didn’t tell anyone.

it’s been ten years though. i’ve healed. i’ve mended. i’m in a really good place in my life right now. i’m able to talk about these things. remember them. write about them. and feel okay about it. it helps. it really does. i had suppressed the memory of my nudes and texts being shared throughout the high school. just last night i watched a show that had a scene of a high school guy showing his friends a nude picture of his girlfriend and one of the friends calling him out on how fucked up that is to do. and it triggered that memory. i felt really sick and panicky so i needed to write it down. i could only find that one facebook message from my former friend since my myspace is long gone and so are any old text messages. but it was very...validating to do that. to see that and remember that and to think of where i am now in life. i didn’t kill myself when i wanted to. i didn’t stop believing in love. i didn’t give up on myself.

i have bad days, of course. days where i think about all the destructive things i did do after all of that happened and how “gross” i am for it. i think about the lingering mental illness that i’ll likely have to live with (the hypersexuality). days where i hate my body, my weight, my face, i’m back in school and i’m the ugly kid boys laugh at because who would ever have a crush on ME (that trauma started in elementary). but then i have good days. i have fun with my family. with my friends. with thomas. the people around me make me feel safe and secure and good about myself. maybe not so much my dad....but i at least have everyone else. i have a solid support unit and that’s truly the most important thing. it’s really what keeps me going every day

i don’t know if this post had a point other than to vent and document a piece of trauma i had buried. that’s what diaries are for, and ya’ll know this blog has always been that place for me :’)

#personal

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itsjesperfahey · 7 years

Text

modern soc au

inej:

loves to dance !!! esp ballet but she can dance to whatever tbfh, she’s that good

likes to wear caps, esp backwards. really loves bomber jackets too.

has a couple, small tattoos dedicated to her saints

is that one kid who loves to do parkour (both ironically and unironically) for instance is really good at it but sometimes just yells PARKOUR and steps over a rock

usually found eating lunch with her pals on the roof of the school

is amazing at hide and seek like holy fuck ????? hid for 2 hours once and wasn’t found, came back the next day and was like “y'all losers SUCK"

loves to study other people’s cultures, as well as history and is great as p.e (never has gotten a bad grade in the flexibility tests)

likes to read poem books

has a black cat as a pet named "saint"

pronounced meme as "mehmeh” the first time she read it

only has snapchat and instagram. is that kid who ALWAYS posts the sunset every day, esp from weird/high places and the comments are always “HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET UP THERE"

cried the most during fox and the hound

always braiding nina’s hair. Knows how to do all the super advanced onces as well

"I don’t know, CAN YOU?"

the best one at pushing people on the swings

AMAZING AT JUST DANCE WITH JESPER

"sorry I ran out of fucks to give try again later maybe?"

gives the nicest presents. always knows what a person wants for christmas/their birthday

the one who’s really into photography and is always taking aesthetic™ pics of Nina for her social media accounts

Prefers tea over coffee

wylan:

bullied for not being able to read (at least up until high school), so is super shy

loves drawing. the artistic™ one who takes anatomy to be able to draw people better

MASTER FLUTE MUSICIAN. On the school band. Jams hard af when he plays it

is in gem math and AP chem with kuwei.

loves sweet. addicted to blue jolly ranchers. his tongue is always blue

constantly pushing up his thick rimmed glasses (even if they ain’t on, which causes him to poke his eye)

looooves all the superhero shows on the CW

V neck sweaters. always

always has his trusty satchel

only has tumblr. has like 10k followers because of his artwork.

”‘illuminati’ ? is that a band?“

cat person even though he’s allergic to cat fur. absolutely adores inej’s cat. settles for owning a horned lizard named "shrek"

secretly a huge fan of memes

really gay for tom holland and ed sheeran (calls him "ginger Jesus”)

gamer with jesper. they always play overwatch together, wylans better tho. a genji and Ana main

cried the most during big hero six

wylan, with blank eyes: “I like my coffee how I like my men” // jesper: *spits out his drink*

matthias:

sports fan obv. On the schools hockey team bc his fav is hockey. is extremely competitive when he plays it. Is constantly checking but never gets penalties (aka slamming the other players against the walls)

played basketball against jesper and surprisingly lost. jesper won’t let it go

dog person. owns a pet pomsky (Pomeranian-husky) with nina who’s name is “bub"

“long hair don’t care”draws inspiration from Harry styles

really philosophical. takes all the philosophy/ethics classes available

kind of sounds like Thor (thick and deep accent)

a good™

"you’re all horrible trash”

“do we really have to be doing this now? I have to finish my homework"

loves baking. bakes everything for the love of his life

grey sweatshirts and adidas shoes

wears contacts Because he hates how glasses look on him. only wears them when he’s home

oblivious to all the women in love with him

"CAN YOU EVEN LIFT BRO? BECAUSE I SURE AS FRICK CAN” (doesn’t curse)

real 👍🏻🤘🏻👌🏻life🤰🏻👼🏻🌱student📚✂️✏️athelete🏃🏼🥇🏆🥅🏒

has Facebook and Twitter only

cried the most during bambi and dumbo

little spoon™

has a couple tattoos with very deep meanings

jesper:

dancer with inej. dances like those ppl who look like robots ??? the ones who look like they freeze parts of their body while the others move. AMAZING at it

loves jazz but also dubstep/edm and rap/r&b. Beyoncé is MOM/QUEEN.

sometimes djs parties

again, huge gamer with wylan. he’s a lucio and junkrat main for overwatch. loves like every video game ever

loves all the marvel movies, in love with black panther (was team cap)

dresses like a hipster but also sometimes a fuck boy (tank tops and shorts with a backwards cap style)

favorite subject is business and debate. great negotiator

cried the most during the lion king

A+ cosplayer (especially his lucio cosplay)

big supporter of human rights (LGBTA+, feminist, black lives matter, poc representation). Will LITERALLY get into fights over anyone who thinks otherwise. Fist fights, always supported by Kaz and Matthias. Got suspended for 3 days for breaking a kids nose who thought LGBTA+ people should **** ** ****)

that one kid who has 50 fidget spinners and can do cool tricks with them. also manages to sell all of them

skateboard pro™

always sends the blinking face meme, even if it’s out of context

all the social medias.

one tattoo only of a gun with a 'bang’ flag coming out of it

nina:

PROFESSIONAL👏🏻 MAKE 👏🏻 UP 👏🏻 ARTISTS 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 HAS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS ON HER INSTAGRAM AND THE SAME FOR HER YOUTUBE CHANNEL

Speaking of YouTube, she always does cute videos. Baking/cooking tutorial videos featuring Matthias, 'i do my boyfriends makeup’, 'my boyfriend does my makeup’, 'my boyfriend buys my makeup’, does make up tutorials obviously, challenges with her best friend inej like the 'whisper challenge’. everyone loves her and says her and Matthias are their otp

loves fashion design, takes that class.

loves horror movies/creepy things but also Disney

great at roller skating

always wins the best dressed awards ad school

also huge fan of ed sheeran. loves little mix more than 5h.

cried the most during 'up'

Can speak like 4 languages (English, french, Latin and spanish)

loves traveling and learning about new cultures too

dancer!inej’s biggest fan and hockey!matthias’ biggest fan

always breaks snapchat streaks

likes to (friendly) debate with jesper, especially over stupid things

amazing with kids. babysits all the time. calls “bub” (the dog) her and matthias’ baby

big spoon™

notes are so fucking pretty. buys the most expensive stationary and notebooks

also huge supporter of human rights. runs the feminist club. (Jesper is the Vice President) stresses loving yourself and your body, and makes sure to design comfortable yet GORGEOUS clothes for “"plus sized people”“

wins 'dynamic duo’ award with inej

always eating lollipops

has a few very small tatos of cute things like roses and crowns. has one quote written in cursive on her rib

kaz:

prefers black coffee as well

loves crime shows, whether they’re real or fake. for instance loves both 'Dateline’ and 'Criminal Minds’ also loves 'House’

favorite class is psychology, learning how a person thinks and acts and feels

has the dregs tattoo on his arm * edge lord 9000™ * such a drama queen and diva like damn

*deep sigh* "I think I’d rather go take a nap” *gets up and leaves*

also loves computer science. knows how to hack shit like a pro

always rough housing with jesper. broke a table once

does walk with a cane. likes to slap matthias’ ass with it

“bow down you fucking peasants"

only types in lower case with 0 emojis and no punctuation marks. CONSTANTLY leaves people on read

only has Twitter and snapchat. His posts on snapchat never have captions, yet somehow has a 200 day streak with Jesper and a 250 day streak with inej

loves watching horror movies with nina

*in a fight* "oh I’ll sHOW YOU SOME DIRTY HANDS” *swings*

gets second place for best dressed award

always sending memes with no context in their group chat, as well as vines

indie and alternative rock fan

“does it look like I care because I’m sorry if it does I didn’t mean to give you that impression"

head over heels for inej Ghafa like wow

likes to read a lot of mystery books and non fiction books

cried the most during finding dory

can solve a Rubik’s cube under a minute and won’t let you forget it

The one asshole who picks either Kirby or metaknight in super smash brothers brawl

hates seeing the notification bubble so he always has all chats muted and notifications turned off for apps

kiss ass to all the teachers to get them A’s

Kuwei:

SCIENCE NERD. ALWAYS singing the bill nye theme song. Loves ASAPScience on YouTube. Master at chemistry and biology

"hey did u know bill nye is, like, my dad"

nina treats him like a baby

loves everything to do with Star Wars while wylan loves star trek more. Fighting ensues.

has a pet Siamese cat name sparky

Used to have a huge crush on jesper and everyone knew it except jesper.

knows the intro to the bee movie ("according to all known laws of aviation-”)

jesper in the group chat: “gonna go shower be right back” // kuwei: “without me ;)?” // wylan: “KUWEI SWEAR TO FUCK” // kaz: “watch your fucking language wylan"

obsessed with Pokémon go even if it died out (chose team instinct)

"fight me on this"

has Twitter, snapchat and instagram

Always drinking ginger ale

master at bop it

the one kid who always forgets to pay you back for stuff

is also into the CW super hero shows, so him and wylan are constantly talking about it

loves cartoons and anime

speaks fluent fuckboy

God awful at comebacks

"let’s take a selfie guys !!!” // “kuwei no-” // *snapshot sound*

talks !!! Like !! This !!!! for,,, some reason ????????

huge nerd for other things too like lord of the rings and Harry Potter and game of thrones

cried the most during inside out

"do you think planes are scared of heights?“ // "for fucks same kuwei it’s 4am”

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beneathmyboughs · 7 years

Text

45 Questions

LETS DO IT

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? UH....his closest would be his older brother Seijiro? Who...honestly was also probably the guy he was closest to. But ‘close’ is a relative term in his life....

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? Non existent. Died or left not long after he was born, he never found out which one. He knows for sure at least that his younger sister’s mother outright left. Seijiro sometimes spoke of her, but he got so wistful Yuji would switch topics quickly.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? MmmmmMmmMBad? Bad. No one saw Yuji as more of a cog in the machine than his father did.

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? I’ve hinted at something a couple times in his meltdowns, but for now I’m filing that under tasty tasty spoilers. ;3c

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Nothing, ahha. On an average day he does not HAVE pockets. Where does he keep his keycard then you ask? You don’t WANT to know. (spoiler: he clips it to his boxer waistband and hands it on the inside of the pants. Comfy.) Though as Piney was a different story. All kinds of mesh pockets in that suit, so like. Deodorant, mini sewing kit, pocket light, water purification tablets, pine? Literal real pine needles for Smell accuracy.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? If he’s comfortable when he sleeps ie out of suit, expect dreamless sleep or flight.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? Heat, immobility and suffocation. Basically all the Piney Suit Woes, which makes sense. Cause he’s sleeping in suit. Sometimes, his family.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Actually it’s public info that it’s a yes! Piney went to a shooting range in at least one of his promos. He had a generic dummy target as his first target, and screamed when the gun went off. It was....tricky to pull off with the gloves on. But there was staff on hand to ensure safety! Looks so stupid it’s hilarious in the clips though.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? VERY MUCH SO. By technicality that is. Yuji grew up piss poor, but as Piney is basically owed royalty to a merchandise kingdom that puts him at celebrity income status. Not that he knows what to DO with it...and he’s too paranoid to willingly hire a lawyer or accountant, go figure. Manager’s going to have to do it all for him, siiigh.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? LESS. The cooler his body is the more comfortable he is. Er, that’s not to say revealing fashion makes him feel comfortable but. At this point, his body’s needs like temperature and protection are King and the rest are optional sidequests.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? Oh probably when he was outrunning Yakuza enforcers. Fear lasted with him so long it was the sole driving force for 24/7 Piney existing, and feeds into his paranoia to this day!

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? Lol calm what is that Seriously though maybe...early middle school? His walks home from his jobs were always His Time.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? VERY. If he hadn’t already seen so much by now, he’d have fainted dead away after so much as a bad head cut.

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Faces. Names are an active challenge, but a face is forever.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? I MEAN YES....? Kind of? He does the poor kid thing of “hoardhoardHOARD” so he’s not exactly ambitious about it as much as desperate but it’s for sure a thing he hones in on.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Both, but like, with one being the other and vis versa? If he had to be forced to pick though, happiness. Though he still thinks one will bring the other.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? OH I ACTUALLY GOT A PIC FOR THIS ONE https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3b/df/4e/3bdf4e06fa64cfe3147f6a624ed5b22e.jpg (Had to post it as a text shitness cause Tumblr’s coding is getting on my last goddamn nerve) It’s a little pudding yellow yellow and brown kitty cat plushie. His Dad took it outta his hands one day when he was in elementary school and sold it for pocket change. Did I intend on making Yuji disgustingly sadstuck? No, no I didn’t. Did it wind up that way? Ahyup.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Ambition, I think. Both deserve praise, but Yuji’s got a soft spot for the underdogs.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? MmmmMMMMMMMM HE IS. DESPERATE. I guess the best way to describe this is like, if he likes you, he may never tell you or admire you from afar, but he’ll know your blood type, favorite kind of cheesecake and daily school routine? He doesn’t STALK, but he’s CREEPY even if he’s not outright clingy. He’s too much, and sometimes people don’t want to deal with a hot mess even if they got the best intentions. Not to mention he plain ass never takes initiative? Or if he does it’s always in a sneaky way? Like, grow a spine and talk to them already.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? Self criticism. Always. A l w a y s. At this point he hardly WANTS to think about himself in a comparison aspect, because when he does it’s just Thanksgiving all up in here with that Roast and he don’t even celebrate American holidays.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? Mm, deserve it. Doesn’t mean he’ll accept it quietly.

What does your character like in other people? People who make an effort/are self sufficient, literally anyone who’s nice to him fwojewoiej. He likes both kindness and wryness, since both are refreshing in their own ways. Blitheness isn’t bad either, pure straightforwardness.

What does your character dislike in other people? Self entitlement, self important attitudes. Success without effort, smugness. Looking down on others or thinking themselves better than anything or anyone else. Basically, Mean Gurl Tropes. Also, to a lesser extent, being difficult to read or unpredictable. It won’t keep him from befriending people, but it puts him heavily on edge to not know what your angle is.

How quick is your character to trust someone else? NOT. AT. ALL. If you think he trusts you, 9/10 times you’re wrong even if he DOES like you.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? I mean ALL HE DOES IS SUSPECT PEOPLE. ALWAYS. Including and even especially people he’s close to.

How does your character behave around children? As Yuji, he just gets outta there. There’s no reason for him to say. Expect him to disassociate into a goddamn corner if he’s forced to be around though. The Last Thing He Needs. As Piney though, they get along FAMOUSLY. He’s good at reading them and projecting friendly vibes. Now if only he could get some of that charisma for his day to day...

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? AVOID. BEND. BOW. SUBMIT. Anything, ANYTHING to get out of the line of fire, have it be settled and over with, down to bending and scraping. He is not a proud nor sturdy man.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Have you seen this man? He is a noodle. What could he do if he decided you needed to go down, strangle you with his noodle arms? Get real.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? Spoiler! But I can say with clarity that it sure as hell did NOT.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Snooty better-than-thou-shit-don’t-stink behavior. That sends an active recoil through him. Also though, as a slime man there’s not too much he can’t stand in the ‘generic things to be grossed out by’ category... he can’t stand blood though? He finds a lot of bodily gross out stuff to be pretty bad. Also, bag/packet food.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. Full room secured with security, where he is literally the only person who can get in. Breezy and allowing natural light in, food or cooking station provided. Someplace soft and good smelling to sleep.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Anything Else. Extra points for no escape routes, ‘danger’ people, a lot of humid heat and immobility.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? MMM SELF DEPRECATING. But like. If he thinks he can accomplish it, he’s willing to improve? Like, he won’t be able to take any steps forward if he decides he is just not the kind of person who would be able to do it. But if it’s a matter of practicality that he improve, he’ll do it.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? New method. Time is precious, and plying at old failures wastes it.

How does your character behave around people they like? You ever wanted a ghost assistant who can swoosh in with what you need then swoosh out to be called upon again whenever their name is said? Your wish is his command. He’ll do anything to help you find your happiness.

How does your character behave around people they dislike? His usual jumpiness--literally anyone, he figures, could crush him--but instead of the eyes being jumpy, he settles for glaring at the person and making impatient body language. Might even get fed up enough to gain temporary anger points and chew them out.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? STATUS IF HES GOT IT. Honor, who’s she

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? THEMSELVES. BY A MILE. AN EXTRA TWO IF THAT HELPS.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Yyyyyep. He was snapped at for making a deal out of it though, so he remembers the animal part less and the snapping part more.

How does your character treat people in service jobs? Deferentially. Honestly. You ever get a customer who treats you like you’re the customer, and honestly you just want him to decide cause that’s your freaking job and also he keeps glancing at you like he’s aware you’re judging him? Him.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? Earn it. And he better keep earning it, if he’s ever earned it once. The world doesn’t owe you so much as it’s unclothed backside, so you better work.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? As Piney, their Manager Azami-san counted a tad? Especially since he was raw still from cutting his family out of his life.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Spoiler....maybe. ;3c (or I plain ass haven’t thought of this question coughcough)

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? Er..............that’s a toughie. It’s not an easy or a hard issue, he just Won’t. He could also technically speaking say the words without meaning them but? He just. Has no reason to say that?

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? He’s not sure. All he thinks is that it’s heavily karma/earns based system, and he’d better be ready when the time comes. And oh yeah. TERRIFIES him.

#ooc #save #DI IT FINALLY.........#ask to tag??????#abuse \\

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