#i posted this before in that other thread but i wanted to isolate it from the initial post because i feel like they're saying two different-

[boxur]

if you want HADES to be a story where the protagonist permakills their dad and runs away from home and stays angry forever? that's hades and chronos. that's the literal exact cycle of abuse and misery that zagreus is subverting by choosing to love his family in spite of hades' poor treatment of him, despite all the factors that exist that would make it so easy to just, not. if you want zagreus to stay angry forever and hate his family for wronging him and abandoning them permanently, you just want zagreus to be hades. and the whole entire point of the story is that zagreus isn't hades. he's better than him.

the tagline of the game is "there is no escape", but the turnout of that is not "so all your efforts are futile." it's "there's no escape, so learn to live anyway. you have no choice."

[pearwaldorf]

I hate that you can't see a tweet thread anymore if you're not logged into Twitter (as a gesture of disrespect I refuse to call it by its rebranded name). Here is a copypasta of a thread from Dan Olson, a Canadian documentary filmmaker, expanding upon camera quality, the guilt trips Somerton used to goose his Patreon subscriptions, and how the best tools will never make up for lack of dedication or patience. I have added clarifications in [[double brackets]] where I feel it is necessary.

START OF THREAD

Okay, so, back in April I snapped at James in reply to a tweet that was linking to this video (which James has since delisted but not deleted) and I want to talk about the full context of that but I don't want to make a video, put your beatdown memes away. [[The video has since been deleted. I can see the title of the video is "Maybe the end (not an April Fool's Day thing".]]

The first bit of context is that I initially got keyed into James to fact-check his claims about indie filmmaking in Canada. As a filmmaker the entire Telos venture was immediately obvious as a juvenile fantasy dreamed up by someone with no idea how to make a movie.

Just wild claims about their plans that weren't worth debunking because they bordered Not Even Wrong. But in watching one of these pitch videos I noticed that he had a $4000 current-gen camera in the background as a prop, and that seemed both pretentious and weird.

You don't use your best camera as a prop, you use your second best camera as a prop. So being an obsessive weirdo I needed to know, and I watched his BTS stuff until I spotted his main rig, a $6000 camera with about $1000 in accessories.

Now, these in isolation are unremarkable because his Patreon at the time was bringing in ~$8000 per month, his channel was a full on Business business, and so investing in some professional equipment of that level is maybe a bit indulgent but justifiable.

What was weird is that he doesn't shoot multi-cam, doesn't shoot outdoors, doesn't shoot on location, and in a studio the two cameras kinda really step on each others' toes. Basically if you already have one and don't need a B cam there's no reason to get the other.

Again, on its own, this says nothing, it's just indicative of poor financial decisions, maybe impulsive purchasing, Gear Acquisition Syndrome. Biblical sins, but not crimes.

Paired with the constantly inflating fantasy scope of the Telos films it was clearly an expression of a very, very common bad filmmaker habit of "if I just get the right gear then my movie will basically make itself" Buying stuff because it feels like progress.

At the end of February he tweets "I want to start shooting anamorphic" and then three weeks later in March he posts the worst, out of focus, under-exposed "I just got a new lens!" video I've ever seen, showing off his trash-covered bedroom.

Based on what's available for his cameras and the lead time, that's enough time to get a Laowa Nanomorph or Sirui Saturn from B&H but not enough time to get a Great Joy from the UK or a Vazen from China. And with the flaring blah blah blah, $1300 lens.

Again, [gear acquisition syndrome] is not a crime and these lenses are budget options. Bit of a pointless impulse purchase since he only used it for the Showgirls video. But this is what he was doing just a few weeks before that above video came out: effortlessly impulse purchasing lenses.

James has (had?) a habit of regularly, aggressively driving viewers to Patreon by claiming that videos were getting demonetized. While tacky, it is something a lot of queer YouTubers have dealt with, so there's precedent there. But people were noticing he did it a lot.

Mid-March he humble brags about needing to work so hard to make 6 videos in April because he has over-booked sponsorships.

Then March 29th James posts this whole incel screed on Twitter about how sex work should be "subsidized as a mental health service."

[two image descriptions.

1. "For the majority of people sex (and human contact) can be imperative to a healthy state of mind. A kind and talented sex worker can make someone feel wanted for the first time in their life. I know sex workers who have pulled people back from suicide just by being there for them." 2. "Not only should (sex work) be legal, but it should be subsidized as a mental health service."]

He spends several days getting absolutely *roasted* for this, just dragged across the pavement and read for filth, and doubles down in the replies the whole way.

So this is the context immediately surrounding James waking up on Friday, and posts the above video and the below tweet.

[image description: "We just got the lowest Patreon payout we've gotten in well over a year. Like, a "maybe we need to rethink things" kind of amount... NOT an April Fools Day thing btw. But I don't know if we'll be making videos much longer."]

Now, this unfolds in kinda two directions. The first is that I'm convinced he was just lying about this income shock in the first place.

There's a million theoretical edge cases about what maybe happened and if maybe he just misunderstood the data or saw a glitch and panicked, maybe one of those happened, I don't believe it, I think he just lied because he was salty about getting dragged and felt owed a win.

A big tell to me is that he doesn't blame Patreon. He says he doesn't know what happened, but let's be real, Patreon screws up all the time, they're the first people anyone blames if anything confusing happens, just as a reflex action, even if it's completely not their fault.

The only reason to not blame Patreon is if you already know that it's not their fault and that any investigation on their part might reveal embarrassing details.

Instead he indirectly blames his viewers for not watching enough, not sharing enough, and not turning on auto-renew.

So regardless of the unknowable truth, this segues into the second, far more offensive direction of the messaging itself. "I don't know if we'll be making videos much longer." "Maybe the end" He explicitly framed this as an immediate existential threat to his channel.

In the video he is vague about everything, leaves a ton of hazy room for plausible deniability on how long the channel can keep going, but the messaging is "I need more patrons right this minute or my YouTube channel is over."

He repeatedly evokes all the "fun stuff" they had planned that would never see the light of day if this didn't turn around right away.

And his audience received this message loud and clear. Tons of people making far, far, far less than him left very heartfelt messages about digging a little deeper to subscribe or up their pledge or unsubscribe from other channels to move their pledge to his.

1200 new patrons in one day.

Since I simply don't believe the income shock was real in the first place that would put his post-"Maybe the end" Patreon income at around $10,000 per month. US. Add YouTube income, he's spent the last seven months making around $18,000 per month.

I have seen creators scale back their capabilities to the bone purely to keep making videos for the love of just, like, making stuff even as their funding evaporated and they needed to go back to a desk job to cover their bills.

You'd have to be so outstandingly reckless with your finances as a channel that a one month spook leads immediately to "channel over, sorry about all the fun stuff we won't get to do with you, our patrons, specifically because you, our patrons, aren't giving us enough money"

And not a spook where you then spend a couple weeks crunching numbers. Oh no. A shock so violent where less than two hours later you're weeping on camera about the channel being over.

Three weeks later he brought a brand new Sony FX6v for $8000 CAD to add to his pile of cinema cameras despite the fact that he was, but scant moments earlier, in such a precarious position that a single bad month would kill his channel.

He stole your money, and for that I'm profoundly sad and angry. That's why I snapped at him in April. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the full context then, and I'm sorry if that anger upset you.

END OF THREAD

[fangsandfeels]

I've seen the "Non-ascended Astarion ending is bad for him because you have to persuade him to reject the ritual" opinion...

..implying that he never really wanted not to ascend, it's you the player who selfishly forces him to give up on his goal. To prove their point, they state that you can get a good ending out of all other companion's quests without using Persuasion at all, except for Astarion.

And boy did I want to talk about this...

(In fact, everything I wanted to say has already been told in this amazing meta post, but I still gotta ramble)

First of all, Astarion was going through an intense PTSD. The game gave him a debuff to show how badly going back to the place of his torment was affecting him. Larian couldn't make it more obvious that he wasn't thinking clearly.

Second, there is one thing all abusers have in common: they destroy their victim's feelings of self-worth to the point, the victim no longer wants or knows how to ask for help or have relationships outside their abusive circle.

Who would want you like this? Look at yourself, you think you're better than me? You're nothing. Who would want to waste their time on you? You think somebody else would treat you better?

Since entering the Cazador's palace, Astarion is reliving his worst moments. Initially, he takes it in stride, hiding his discomfort underneath performative and emotional expressiveness. He talks about how he spent time in the bedrooms where he never did any sleeping, about the kennels where he was tortured, about the barracks where he was sent to when he "deserved neither carrot nor stick". Bad memories, but he shares them with Tav because he trusts them with his scars already. They might as well know the rest.

But after descending into the dungeon, Astarion starts spiraling into self-loathing at a break-neck speed. He used to think that all Cazador victims he ever brought to him were long gone, drained, and discarded. A horrible, undeserved death, yet the thought of them not having to suffer for too long was a small consolation, one of the threads holding his sanity together.

But then it turns out that they weren't dead. They were turned. Locked away deep underground, alone with their new selves, with the hunger and isolation. They did suffer. All these years, they suffered, buried in this tomb - because of him. Cazador may have turned them, but it was Astarion who brought them to him. And they remembered it. They recognized him. The monster who stole them from their home. The monster who ruined their life. Monster. Just like Cazador.

So, as if his PTSD wasn't enough, this revelation was another blow to his grip on himself, his perception of himself. His confident facade was shattering - and in his head, he was starting to think that Tav's idea of him, of who he is, was shattering as well. He tried to warn them before. He said he couldn't be what they saw in him. Whatever person they believed him to be had never existed - and Tav was finally coming to realize that as they walked through the gallery of his sins, looking his victims in the eyes and hearing out what they had to say. Of course, Tav hated him now. They had to. How could they not?

So, at the end, he is scared. Terrified. He bit off more than he could chew by walking into the manor and thinking he had only six fellow spawns to deal with. He saw their lives as a small price to pay because Cazador made sure to erase any solidarity between them. He made them torture each other and compete with each other. He twisted the very meaning of family bonds to his perverted liking, and he knew that by doing so, he would make sure every single one of them would get a whiplash from anyone trying to mention family in a positive connotation. Astarion takes no issue with getting rid of his "brothers" and "sisters" because he is fully aware that had the roles been reversed, they would have sacrificed him without a second thought. And he was certain that Tav would change their mind once they learned more about his brethren.

But the spawns in the dungeon...All the faces he remembered. All the lovers he lured. They did nothing wrong. They never hurt him. They never tortured him. Their only mistake was to trust him.

The revelation horrifies him. His first response is to be shocked, overwhelmed with emotion - and then he has to remind himself that sacrifices must be made. He feigns indifference. He tries to cover his internal conflict with gallows humor. But his flippant mask keeps slipping as he lapses from indifference to anger, to guilt, to begging Tav not to hate him as his greatest crimes glare back at him and claw at him, shouting out threats and seething with hatred.

He can't bear the thought of dealing with all the people whose lives he helped to destroy. He can't do anything for them. Just killing Cazador won't undo what he did to them. He will never be anything but a monster in their eyes. And this is what he deserves to be. He will always be reminded of what he is.

He has no choice but to do the Ritual.

He has no idea what will happen to him after he is done - he isn't a planner. He has never been. But at this point, he doesn't see his soul as something worthy of preserving - and by association, he extends that to other spawns. He knows it all too well because he remembers how it felt. He dissociates, projecting everything he hated about himself onto Cazador's victims, trying to rationalize why he should live and why they must die while he actively avoids the truth.

Completing the ritual is no longer about being free. Or protecting himself and his lover. It's about running away. Even when Astarion has Cazador at his mercy, he still thinks of running away. Getting lost forever. So nobody could ever hurt him.

A part of him even realizes that it means running away from Tav too. But Tav can leave, he naively thinks, not knowing the full consequences of the ritual. Tav will leave to find someone else, someone better, and he will start everything anew, a king of his castle.

So, of course, Tav has to reach out to him through that thick haze of fear, anger, and self-hatred. Persuasion isn't about strongarming someone into doing what you want. It's not subjugation or emotional blackmail. It's reasoning with someone. And that is exactly what Tav does - reasons with Astarion after watching him mentally struggle, after seeing his genuine shock and fear, after understanding that he isn't fully on board with the idea.

It's true, vampire spawns tend to gravitate toward power, especially if nothing is pulling them back. A vampire spawn is a feared and scorned creature - it no longer matters whether they were an unwilling victim, forcefully taken and turned. They are seen not as an individual but as the extension of their master - and the only natural transition for them is to get on the top of the food chain. The only way to make a name and become treated as something more.

Astarion saw power as the mean to safety and freedom, first and foremost. Ironically, he never planned beyond securing these two priorities. He never saw himself after accomplishing his goals, and it's kinda amazing how people can make conclusions about his hedonism because he misses petty vanities, wants to drink blood from a goblet, and sleep on silken sheets. The man who was held and tortured in the kennels, fed rats, and had to stitch and fix his only set of clothes over and over to keep it presentable, the man who has never felt happy for most of his conscious non-life is called hedonistic for wanting nice things. For still wanting to take care of himself for once.

He wasn't harboring any grand plans, conquests, or schemes. Even his idea of taking control of the Absolute was abstract and shapeless because he didn't care about getting control over the most influential people as much as he was afraid of breaking whatever protected him from Cazador's domination. He never really knew what to do with power aside from keeping Cazador and the likes of him at bay.

The way Astarion behaves in a relationship also speaks tons of how controlling he really is...or how he isn't controlling at all. When his romance with Tav transforms into something real, and he enters a new territory, Astarion is empowered to make decisions and think about what he wants instead of pleasuring others. It's clear that he and Tav don't have sex after they come clear about their feelings. Tav respects his comfort and boundaries, gives him all the time he needs, and lets him take the lead. Whether they will have sex again or not is entirely up to Astarion. Whatever he decides, it won't change Tav's feelings for him. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do.

Astarion enjoys this new autonomy. He is playful, affectionate, outspoken...and afraid of messing everything up. If Tav mentions breaking up, Astarion thinks he is the problem. If there is another potential love interest showing they have eyes for Tav, Astarion encourages Tav to be with them because he believes they can give Tav everything he can't. When Tav says "I choose you," Astarion is taken aback, needing a moment to hide his genuine confusion at Tav actually wanting to be with him rather than Gale, Karlach, or Halsin.

For all his talks of control and dominating others, once Astarion finds himself with a lover who values his autonomy more than getting power at the cost of his dignity, who makes it safe for him to be honest, and who listens to him, he almost stops mentioning control. He merely lives in the moment, happy not to know, not to pretend, not to manipulate. Just to be.

What Astarion truly craves - not wants on a superficial level, not conditioned to want - is not to be a vampire lord. He wants the freedom to be anything. Anything he wants. Little does he know that true vampires rarely get to be anything they want, even if they gain the ability to walk in the sun -- we see it in his Ascended path as, instead of acting up on his supposed freedom to be anything, Astarion repeats Cazador's rules step by step. Just like Cazador did. Just like Verlioth did. He isn't anything he wants. He is the replica of his former master.

Astarion never had the luxury to explore who he wanted to be outside what Cazador made him. He only makes his first steps once he is free. We see glimpses of that deep-seated aspiration to be seen as a person. Treated like a person. Loved like a person. To be reflected in someone's eyes. He wants to know if there is someone beneath his usual mask, something his, not tainted by Cazador. Someone real. And at the same time, he dreads to know the answer. Because that part of him knows regret. Knows shame. Knows guilt. Confronting it posed the risk of realizing he didn't deserve love, kindness, or a future. What if real him truly doesn't amount to anything? What else for him to do?

So, he tells himself that he has no choice, and he expects Tav to affirm it -- not because he wants them to, but because he believes that Tav has seen enough to make the same conclusion. However, Tav objects, trying to be louder than all the inner demons hissing into his ears. Tav speaks to the Astarion, who asked them what they saw when they looked at him. The Astarion, who thanked them for standing by his side when he said "No" to Araj. The Astarion one who stood frozen in their hug before returning it tentatively. The Astarion who diligently, dedicatedly, caringly kept pulling himself together instead of letting himself unravel completely.

Tav reminds him that this Astarion, right here, right now, is worth fighting for. That he didn't survive all these years of torture, pain, humiliation, and dehumanization to give himself up now. He already has the power to avenge himself, avenge all Cazador's victims. He can end everything right here, right now - and this is the only power to free him. He has the power (and responsibility) of having a choice.

Tav empathizes with other spawns as victims not because they're more "innocent" than Astarion, but because associating with them doesn't brand Astarion as weak or broken. These spawns aren't horrible wretches, and neither is he. They don't deserve this, and neither did he.

The only one who deserves to die today is Cazador - the vampire, the monster, the pathetic piece of shit.

Astarion Ancunin deserves to live.

[markscherz]

I just wanted to give you some context for the anonymous ask you got about Tumblr CEO being a transphobe. The user who got banned, predstrogen, had been publicly posting about frustration over content moderation and non-sexual posts about her transition getting marked as mature content. Those were valid concerns and should be talked about. Unfortunately, she (predstrogen) also publicly posted a death threat against Matt (the CEO). The death threat was the inciting factor for the account being shut down, not her other posts. Notably, Matt is not involved in content moderation on the site and did not make decisions regarding the moderation of her posts. He only became involved after she posted the death threat.

I do not believe that he has handled this situation as well as it could have been handled. Predstrogen hasn't, either. However, I haven't seen anything in his behavior that comes across to me, a nonbinary trans person, as specifically transphobic. (Obviously that doesn't give me the last word on whether or not somebody is transphobic or whether his behavior may or may not be hurtful to some trans people; I'm just saying that the things he said do not appear to *me*, someone who has often been hurt or offended by transphobic behavior, to be overtly or implicitly transphobic.)

I could go on and on with details, but Curated Tumblr on Reddit has some detailed threads about this situation if you want more information: https://www.reddit.com/r/CuratedTumblr/comments/1avbp78/tumblr_bans_trans_woman_over_looney_toonslevel/

Thank you, Anon. From the reading I did before I posted my answer to that ask, I could also see that there is clearly more subtlety to the specific situation than a simple question of blanket transphobia, or a simple case of violation of TOS/guidelines. I really appreciate your insights and perspective here, and especially you highlighting the importance of a well-informed and carefully considered reading. Also emphasis on the separation of Church and State Moderation and Management at Tumblr; it is an important aspect. That Reddit post you link to really collates the information well, and some of the comments bring critically important context (both specific and broad) to the discussion; thank you for that. As you say, I think it is evident that the situation has been poorly handled by both parties, and consequently has also escalated. It was handled worse than I had thought, before I read that post. There were several audible 'yikes'-es muttered as I read through it.

Nevertheless, I also think it should be said that this is not an isolated incident (neither on tumblr, nor on social media platforms in general), and I felt it is important and timely for me to use my voice here to be explicit in (1) my dislike for disproportionate use of sanctions against users targeting staff relative to their typical handling of threats and other reports made among the community, and (2) my support for the trans community here and elsewhere.

On Twitter it would also often proceed like this, with people finding themselves in holes of their own making digging deeper, rather than realising that the ladder out consisted of listening, reflecting, apologising, committing to and visibly striving for improvement. This is a *hard* thing to realise when you are in the middle of it, and you often see people crash and burn this way.

[heartsteel-heartbeats]

fellow kayn appreciator hi!!!! love how you write him :D could i please request platonic headcanons or like. general thoughts on how kayn would be as a friend to a gn!reader? whether they're also a performer or not is up to you but specifically they'd have met before kayn joined heartsteel. thank you and i hope life treats you kindly!! 💕

Platonic Kayn HCs

Reader is a performer, Pre-Heartsteel

(( I don’t think you guys actually know what you do to me whenever you compliment the way I write Kayn it has me doing the Markiplier “yippee! wahoo!! yeeee!!” )) ~ OBBY 💗

Being friends with Kayn includes lots of text messages from him. Sometimes you two text each other for hours, other times he has to run cause he’s busy. If you text him before he does after he says he has to do something, you’ll probably be speaking to Rhaast. There’s a 50/50 chance that he’ll stay and chat for a while or he’ll say he can’t chat cause he’s still working.

Sometimes he doesn’t get back to you for a few days. If you’re lucky, he’ll message you within hours. If it is taking him a few days, there’s a good chance you may need to check up on him. Sometimes he loses himself when he’s too focused on working.

On some nights, you two video call on Discord while you’re both working. You may or may not end up getting sidetracked by playing a video game together. FPS, horror, or survival horror. So games like Left 4 Dead, Dying Light, Lethal Company, and even Halo are up there. As long as there’s co-op, you’ll be playing. Sometimes, one of you will share your screen so the other can watch. Games like The Mortuary Assistant, Resident Evil, Alien: Isolation, and Outlast are pretty good.

Going to each other’s concerts isn’t always a guarantee, but both of you try. Not to mention, the paparazzi will be annoying to deal with once people start to realize one of you is at the other’s concert.

Kayn’s not against introducing you to Akali. There’s a good chance she’s heard of you and probably listens to some of your works, so it’s a win. And so, you, Kayn, and Akali are all in a group chat where you just kinda laugh at some hate comments each of you get. It’s especially funny when the thread just keeps going with people arguing. It’s very tempting to go and leave a comment in the argument just to see how it’d go, especially since Kayn would actually try to get you and Akali to say something. Luckily neither of you actually did it. Imagine the articles and posts on social media that would be made about it…

Since this is before Kayn joined Heartsteel, Kayn does sometimes send you some of his works. You know, the ones that were never made public. He knows you accept both him and Rhaast, so think of it as his appreciation for it. Sometimes Rhaast sends ones that Kayn didn’t send yet, but in return, he wants a sneak peek at one of your own.

On that topic, you’ve kept up to date with what his old band has been up to, both before and after he was no longer a part of it. It wasn’t on purpose, it just shows up on your recommended time to time. There was some discourse, and then after Kayn was no longer there, things seemed to take a bit of a turn for the worst for both him and the band. The band was struggling and Kayn’s reputation crashed. Him not releasing his songs to the public didn’t help, but he had his reasons for that. You were in no position to pry, so all you can really do is continue supporting him.

The idea for a collab was always up there even if you’re running solo or not, but it never actually happens because Kayn and Rhaast always have drafts piled up. Rhaast just thinks it’d be pretty fun to do. But seriously, they do need to finish up their own works. A collab is the last thing he needs to add to his list right now.

Sometimes invites you to liven up an alley he found, or a wall in an abandoned building. If you have an idea for his idea, say it. He knows if you’ve got something in mind anyway, so it’d be better to just say it because he’d pester you about it. You’ll probably even notice he brings a little sketchbook sometimes. Also, those spray paints were totally not Akali’s. If you have paint as well, he’ll be taking those too. If you find some missing, you know who to interrogate. Don’t expect him to admit it though.

If you’re the one inviting him, he doesn’t mind if he just watches or pitches in an idea or two. Knowing him, he won’t always just sit and watch. He also doesn’t want you holding back on your artistic ability, so please, go all out and experiment if you have to. Not giving it your all, especially in front of him, is almost insulting to him.

Do you guys get caught? Maybe sometimes. The chase is always fun though. Well, maybe not all the time, but you can still look back at the memory and laugh a bit.

Kayn has one or two of your songs in his little private playlist. Will he ever tell you? Nope.

Sometimes the media goes overboard with your relationship with him. It’d be nice to debunk all of their theories and speculations, but Kayn insisted you let them go at it cause it’s funny. Admittedly, it was. Every small thing was “a hint.” There are some that take some “signs” differently and start wars between both of your fans. Still rather entertaining, but it did feel more concerning. Some fans can be pretty crazy. Usually, those little wars fix themselves within a few weeks if you’re lucky. Maybe months.

If it does come to it, Kayn won’t stop you from posting something in response to hopefully calm things down. Hell, he might even make a post himself. His wording might be a bit aggressive though.

[getvalentined]

FF7 Fandom PSA

This is not a callout post, this is a warning about a genuinely dangerous abuser who uses fandom spaces to acquire victims.

Apparently my abusive ex is ingratiating himself into fandom spaces again, so if you're in the FF7 fandom please keep an eye out for someone calling himself Pix or Pixeled.

The details of what he did to me specifically are available in a post from almost exactly two years ago, readable here. Other people have shared their own stories, but I don't have the energy to dig up all of them. Trigger warnings for gaslighting, emotional abuse, violent threats, forced isolation, manipulation, and more that I'm definitely missing.

Known usernames:

Instagram: midgardsomrnights, pixeledartsy, okgoosefus, pixeledpalace

AO3: pixeled, pixeledxxx

tiktok: pixrexpen, gaywrathlet

FFXIV: sarielperedhil (on Brynhildr)

ko-fi: pixrexpalace

Other: pix pendragon, pixeled pendragon, pixrexpendragon

Some of these are current, most of them are not; he's no longer active here or on Twitter that I'm aware of, so I'm not referring to his usernames there, but he uses some combination of parts from these for his usernames everywhere so they followed the same theme.

This is not "fandom drama," this is a sincere warning to anyone in his orbit to be careful and be safe. Please love yourself more than he wants you to.

With that in mind, there are more personal details under the cut, discussing the fallout of going public with his abuse and more of his behavior; no screenshots on these because it's years in the past, not all of the related accounts and spaces still exist, and back when I was first gathering evidence I had to stop before it lapsed into the territory of emotional self-harm.

Same trigger warnings as above, plus racism, (implied) sexual exploitation, sexual manipulation, and discussion of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

I want to be very clear that I was not the first person to go through this, I was just the first to go public afterward. I have lost relationships with people I thought were friends by doing so, and actually been referred to as abusive in response to my initial thread on Twitter letting people know what he'd done. I've had people who used his treatment of me as an excuse to join in with hurting me go on to co-opt my abuse to make themselves look like victims, claiming that we were best friends until he drove us apart—or worse, to use him as a complete stand-in for their own behavior, implying or outright stating that he forced them to isolate me from friends and fandom activities and treat me like shit, all while these people have me blocked on every possible platform where I could reconnect with them.

Pix was the Bad Guy of early 2022 on FF7 Twitter, and while he deserved the title, not everything everyone said about him was true. Not everything everyone said about me was true, either, but people tend to take anything connected to fandom as "drama," even when it involves literal abuse.

One thing I never told anyone except my closest friends is that Pix drove me to the verge of suicide multiple times. He put up videos insulting me to be "funny" and got friends laughing along, when I asked him to stop teasing me all the time he exploded and said that he was allowed to express himself however he wanted and if I had a problem then I should break up with him so he could finally kill himself guilt-free, he told me that he wasn't going to placate me anymore by saying "I love you," he told me in public spaces to shut up because I didn't know anything. He used racist slurs against Asian people behind my back and told everyone who called him on it that I'd told him it was all right, leading to a continuing belief among some circles that I have some deep internalized racism toward my own fucking ethnicity.

He told me that his mother saw me as a whore and a homewrecker, because I'd seduced him away from his boyfriend of eight years—in spite of the fact that I told him outright I did not want a romantic relationship with him because he was already in one, and I wouldn't be party to cheating. When I went public with what he did, he claimed that I pressured him into a romantic relationship, neglecting to mention that he'd been pushing for one almost since we met and that I'd shot him down because he was already with someone else. He said that I'd forced him to break up with his boyfriend, and seemed to be implying that I'd somehow sexually exploited him because I'm a cisgender lesbian and he identified as an aro/ace trans man at the time we broke up. When we got together, he identified as a bisexual nonbinary person.

To be completely honest, though, his orientation and gender identity doesn't even fucking matter with regards to the implication that I exploited him because we never had any form of sexual contact—unless you want to count RP, which I don't, and if I did I would be calling him a cheater because I was not his only RP partner.

To be completely clear, we were in a long distance relationship, thousands of miles apart, and we had no sexual contact. We never sexted, we never had phone sex, we never even exchanged dirty pictures. Our relationship had no sexual element whatsoever. He eventually told me in no uncertain terms that if/when we got married, he wasn't going to sleep with me because he didn't have a sex drive anymore due to trauma, and that since I loved him so much I'd have to be happy with that.

He would remind me of this when my Body Dysmorphic Disorder began to relapse constantly from the amount of stress he had me under, because my experience with the condition is rooted on my lack of physical femininity and leads me to see myself as completely sexually repulsive. When I was triggered and trying to untie the knot in my chest that made me want to throw up at the thought of my own body, he would remind me that I didn't have to worry about being too ugly for sex with him, because he was never going to fuck me anyway. That it didn't matter if I was disgusting, because he found all bodies disgusting, so really I was lucky to have him. He didn't even care that I was disabled and that my arms and legs are too long, that my joints slip out of place all the time, that the way I have to move sometimes to keep from hurting makes me look "weird and stupid." I was so lucky to have him, because even though he was very aware of all those things, he didn't actually care. He wasn't going to fuck me anyway.

The last Christmas card he sent me literally had the words "You deserve a high-five!" printed on the front, and on the reverse he'd written something along the lines of "okay but you know I'd be sure to miss and slap you in the face, sorry not sorry."

He made my life hell in every possible way, and people said it was drama because we met through fandom—and that I deserved it, honestly, since I was so fucked up and he was such a good person for even caring about me in the first place. I deserved it, people said, since I turned around and stabbed him in the back after he'd done so much for me for the years we were together. It was just fandom drama, they said, and I was just thriving off the social capital it allegedly earned me.

And now he's back and making new friends, but it's fine because this all happened years ago, and everyone with a brain should be able to see that it's just fandom drama. But it's not. It never was. Don't let him convince you otherwise.

[aliensupersyn]

Love, Isolation, and Heavenly Restrictions

"Love is worthless" Sukuna vs. "I don't have a heart" Maki.

NOTICE: This was written after the end of 251, weeks before 253's serialization.

TLDR: My case for why Maki will play a pivotal role in killing Sukuna, and showing how her character arc has led to this exact moment. In other words, she's gonna humble the King of Curses. Skip to section four if you don't care for a summary of their combined arcs. Here's the reddit thread if you're into that sort of thing.

I. Fate

Love and isolation have been major motifs throughout JuJutsu Kaisen, mainly concerning Sukuna and Gojo; both these characters satisfy a fateful premise in jujutsu: the existence of the strongest sorcerer of a generation or era. Sukuna, Kashimo, and Gojo all hold the title of "strongest sorcerer" for their respective eras, and for the sake of this post, I will call it a fateful role.

I say fate because Tengen and the omniscient narrator refer to fate as something real that connects certain roles throughout the different eras. For example, it has been Kenjaku's fate to be stopped by a six eyes user.

Toji's existence as an anomaly beyond the power of jujutsu allowed him to break the chains of fate and change the world. By killing the star plasma vessel, something fate was constantly protecting, he opened the doors for Kenjaku to complete his ludicrous plan of merging all Japanese citizens with Tengen.

II. Visual motifs between Toji, Maki, Gojo, and Sukuna

The main (obvious) connections between Toji and Maki:

While Naoya was an idiot, his comparison between Gojo and Toji was not random and should be acknowledged. He recognized the two of them as being the pinnacles of strength. Though, Naoya did not have the sense to understand what Toji and Gojo represented: jujutsu and the rejection of it. Naoya could never occupy the space that Toji and Gojo did. Not only due to his lack of power, but also because he doesn't have the same Heavenly Restriction that Toji and Maki share. Moreso, Toji and Maki represent the antithesis of the strongest sorcerer by being the strongest beings beyond jujutsu sorcery.

Toji, and Maki by extension, have been narratively connected to Gojo, who satisfies the fateful role of strongest sorcerer. Toji's connection to Gojo mirrors Maki's connection to Sukuna. The backstab in 251 seals this connection between the two pairs (will come back to this).

Gojo thinks of the last time he's ever feared loss, and remembers Toji. I believe Sukuna will have a similar moment where he fears loss by Maki's hands which will mirror this page.

Gege has left little crumbs throughout the story connecting Toji and Gojo, depicting Toji to be the antithesis to jujutsu, and finally connecting Toji and Maki. While that's commonly understood, I don't think enough people respect the fact that Toji, Gojo, and Maki's connection meets Sukuna in the end. Gege has tied all four of them together in the narrative, and that's sure to have some major payoff.

III. Love and Isolation

Yorozu, Kashimo, and Gojo all misunderstand Sukuna as being lonely, the latter two projecting their feelings of dejection onto him.

Gojo and Kashimo's sentiments were useless, as Sukuna completely rejects love and calls it worthless. He's not lonely because he's the strongest, he's the strongest because he's alone! Sukuna has evolved past being a human who needs love and he does only what satisfies his own desires. He eats what he wants, he kills what he wants, and he makes anything his own amusement if he wishes to. Sukuna represents a completely selfish outlook that takes and rarely gives. The only thing Sukuna gives is death, and even that he withholds from people who do not interest him.

While Maki appears as being cold, she still cares for her friends. Even before her and Mai made up, she still showed love for her sister, but refused to belittle herself for the sake of their relationship. Maki represents a person who refuses to allow love to hold her back.

Even though Maki gained new powers after Mai's sacrifice, she still could not reach her full potential because she was modeling herself after sorcerers, which she can never be. Maki and Toji can see curses, but relying on her vision only held her back. Her last fight with Naoya was about her finally breaking away from jujutsu's holds and becoming free. First she cleansed her family tree, her namesake that literally connected her to jujutsu, then she freed herself from thinking like a sorcerer altogether.

Finally, she became a demonic fighter. While she appears cold, she still cares for others. She doesn't regret Mai's fate, but instead embraces it and their relationship. Maki's still a heartless fighter, but one who can express care and concern for her allies. She's selfish enough to refuse to allow others to hold her back, but loving enough to protect those she cares about. Sukuna similarly refuses to be held back by love, and therefore cannot be lonely. Maki exists somewhere in the same realm of being loveless, but not nearly as much as Sukuna.

While the two of them share a heartless attitude and a monstrous demeanor, they exist as complete opposite beings. Sukuna's the greatest and strongest model of jujutsu, and Maki's the absolute antithesis of sorcery. Both of them stand alone in their respective extremes, and again, are alone because they are the strongest. Maki's vision of curses, her last remaining connection to jujutsu was hindering her ability to grow stronger; she was blind to her own abilities because of sorcery. Gege makes it obvious that Toji and Maki break the rules of sorcery. Meaning, Maki will be Sukuna's downfall.

IV. Maki's Advantages Over Sukuna

Toji and Maki are the only two of their kind to ever exist. Therefore, Sukuna has never fought a being, a monster like Maki in his entire life. Megumi never found out about Toji or his abilities, so Sukuna still does not have a reference for Maki's abilities. He may be able to recount Megumi's fight against him, that's very limited information, especially because Toji was not full strength. Maki has the element of surprise.

Maki's backstab leaves many questions. The narrator specifies that Sukuna should have been able to sense a sorcerer performing the backstab, but he failed to sense Maki; she is not a sorcerer, but an anomaly, a monster who is not beholden to jujutsu or sorcery. Sukuna's lack of awareness could be because he's been weakened, but he's failed to notice Maki before.

Many people misinterpret this panel to be Sukuna surprised by Maki's aura, but I disagree and argue that he's shocked that he cannot sense her. Both Yuji and Sukuna are suprised by her sudden appearance. Due to Maki not having any cursed energy, Sukuna cannot sense her power and will be forced to rely on sight to find her. Yet, Maki needs neither sight nor cursed energy to fight curses. Maki senses the air's temperature and density, a sight only she possesses that gives her an advantage over curses.

Also, Sukuna sensed that Maki was a problem and thanked Uraume for possibly taking her out:

The top four seek to stop the merger and sever Megumi from Sukuna's body, and Maki possesses a sword that severs souls! Sukuna has been worn down until his cursed energy matched Yuta's, who's now number one since Gojo's died. Keep in mind that Gojo was worlds ahead of Yuta, so Sukuna's power has plummeted and he needs time to recover.

Sukuna's inner monologue in 250:

Maki has the Heavenly Restriction, the sword, the sight, and the timing needed to be able to face Sukuna and possibly even defeat him. Gojo, Kashimo, Higuruma, Yuta, and Yuji were all a means to an ends to weaken Sukuna until Maki could come and clean up (I'm exaggerating).

Maki's entire character arc has been about her clashing with Sukuna. Maki, the monstrous human w/o CE vs Sukuna, the monstrous once-sorcerer with the most CE. Their fight will be about both their ideals and powers. Is strength truly isolating? To what extent does the monster cast aside love? Can monstrous strength be used to protect others?

Edit:

Sukuna's domain may be the only one that works on her (and Kenjaku's but he's dead) because they don't have barrier mechanics. As pointed out by SwimmingStreet8981, "Sukuna showed that he cuts absolutely everything in his domain. He turned buildings to dust without even trying."

Either Gege restores Sukuna's domain to turn the battle once more, or the domain battle with Gojo was for the sake of the top 4 not having to worry about Sukuna's domain. I think the latter tbh.

Questions for their battle:

Now that Sukuna's down to two hands and one mouth, and Maki might be the fastest person in meta at this moment, how much deep shit is Sukuna in?

Will the soul splitting blade be the key to stop the merger? How does that even work against Sukuna?

[mimicha-arts]

Audiobook, ep 103 (corresponds to s1ep10)

Now eps covers the donghua's plot closely, but sometimes there are small changes, additions and expansions of scenes. This post is a copy of my thread from twitter for the archive.

Friendly reminder, I'm not a native speaker, there is also no subtitles. I'm trying my best, but I can't hear everything and probably made mistakes. Please keep in mind, I wrote it just for reference.

At the very beginning of the scene, the school bell rings, signaling the end of classes. Afterwards, the boy runs to his father and says that he got 100 points for the test, his father promised to buy him a ranger toy for this - his father says they will now go and buy it. After, the girl calls her mother and tells about how well she drew a picture during class with their family, and the teacher noted that it was drawn very well. Mom praises her. QL: Every time after school, he (Cheng Xiaoshi) saw other children being picked up by their parents, and how they returned home together. And he just stood aside and looked at them all alone, feeling envious and lonely. In order to make himself like a normal kid and to blend in with others, he tried his best, but...

Flashback

Kids playing together. Kid 1：Look at this! Kid 2：Take it! CXS：What are you playing? Can I join you? Kid：Em…

Woman：Why are you still here? Go home, go. You don’t know this kid, so why are you hanging out with strangers? Let’s go. Grandma：Nannan (girl’s name), listen to grandma, it’s time to leave. Go home. Grandpa：Don't you dare to play with him. He is a feral child! He has no parents to teach him. How can a child be so uncouth! Woman：Right! So careless, just running here and there, like a disaster

People together： - All right, all right, let’s go - Mom, go - Hurry up!

CXS：You are the feral kids! You are like a disaster, your whole family is a disaster! I don’t want to play with you!

People together： (There is some other phrases I can’t understand)

- What a disaster - At such a young age, you say such dirty words, really disgusting! - Grandma, don't listen to him, it’s so dirty - Hurry, shut your ears - Crazy! Cheng Xiaoshi starts crying.

QL: The neighbors who used to spend time together with him and the friends he played with left him one by one. He was eventually isolated, but I know how afraid of losing everyone he was.

(Here they placed a flashback that corresponded to the moment with the earthquake when CXS ran to QL’s house) QL: That was the first time, when he, who had always been stubborn, was so frightened that couldn’t put words together. Then I realized how painful it must be for him to say, "I don't want you to care about me." At that time, Qiao Ling understood - these people who came to the photo studio as soon as they heard the news about Cheng Xiaoshi's parents', just wanted to satisfy their curiosity. Their perfunctory concern may be able to hide it from others, but it couldn’t fool Cheng Xiaoshi since he was involved. Children have the purest, the sharpest eyes.  These people themselves had no idea how their sarcastic words could hurt a child's heart. In the following days, Cheng Xiaoshi stopped trying to cater to others and just spent time alone in the photo studio. Sitting alone at the door of the photo studio, watching people coming and going, the liveliness was about other people, had nothing to do with him. Day by day, year by year, the photo studio was becoming more and more dilapidated. Cheng Xiaoshi also grew up gradually, but his life seemed to always have two points and one thread: from the photo studio to the school, and then from the school to the photo studio. He only had one friend, Qiao Ling, by his side.

QL： Before, I was worried whether Cheng Xiaoshi would be able to make friends who truly cared about him… Until that day. That day.

[bengiyo]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

10 Favorite Characters

You asked a broad question, so I hope you’re okay with answers outside of my daily posting. I post a lot about BL on here, but this list is a mild reminder that I am Black. As I’m putting this list together, I’m recognizing a common thread of ruthlessness in these characters that I will have to unpack at some point.

Omar Little (The Wire)

Omar is one of my favorite characters of all time because he was the first sympathetic gay character I ever watched on TV with my dad. As I got older, my dad decided I was old enough and wanted me to watch what he considered to be one of the greatest shows ever made (NOTE: He is correct). I was obsessed with Omar because of his strict code and how gentle and loving he was with his boyfriends. It was amazing to me that we had this powerful gay character in the middle of a modern Greek tragedy and he is one of the most compelling characters ever created in American television.  

Ender Wiggin (Ender’s Game)

One of the sad thing about growing up queer is the people who wrote a lot of your formative works hate queer people. Orson Scott Card was my first major disappointment in this regard. In the 7th grade, I discovered this book in our school library and ended up reading it and the related books multiple times throughout my adolescence.  I was a weird kid who was too smart for my own good. In middle school I struggled with feeling out of place because I was relatively new compared to most of these kids, and my family had me on a specific life track that meant that I had to perform at a high level constantly. I connected with Ender’s isolation and his brilliance. I also connected to his ruthlessness.

Marco (Animorphs)

Animorphs is a pretty dark series for a bunch of elementary school kids to read, but that was K. A. Applegate’s point. War is horrible, and should be avoided. Reading this series is a reading the perspective of child soldiers. There was something about the way Marco always masked with jokes, but was quietly the most ruthless member of their group that means he’s always the one I remember first. There were also the ways he commented on Ax and Jake that just didn’t read straight, and I’ve been relieved that Applegate and the ghost writers have acknowledged the fan read on Marco’s bisexuality. I just love how from appearances at the end of the series Marco is actually okay after all the war, but he absolutely is not.

Benjamin Sisko (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

He was our first Black captain in Star Trek and I will love him forever. He’s also from New Orleans and cooks our food. He’s a devoted father, which was something Avery Brooks requested for the role to make sure we had a positive depiction of Black fatherhood on TV in the 90s. He has an understated spirituality to him. He has grit from facing the ugly side of maintaining a utopia and has an incredible temper that he holds most of the time. He’s a nerd about baseball. He cares about his people and holds firm as their commander. This isn’t a committee for him. He can be so brutal. I love him.

Ghost Dog (Ghost Dog)

Ghost Dog (1999) is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I’ve always loved the version of masculinity Forest Whitaker put into this character. He has a sense of style and flair, and also follows a strict code of conduct. His adherence to his way earned him the respect of everyone in his community, and gangsters in his neighborhood show him admiration and respect. I loved his friendship with Raymond, in which neither knows what the other is saying and yet they are actually on the same page constantly.

Raymond Holt (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

Yes, this show is copaganda, but I love Raymond Holt so much. I love that Andre Braugher played the Straight Man role in a comedy as a politically out gay man who has such a serious exterior. Holt was so gay in so many ways and I am obsessed with him. He is so deep into his niche interests (like me) and yet he was actually such a great mentor figure to everyone under him. I loved that he and his husband were so devoted to each other but were never depicted as the perfect couple. I love that he has a petty beef with another colleague. He’s just an incredible character.

Kiram Kir-zaki (Lord of the White Hell)

Kiram is the first time I ever realized how deep the programming in speculative fiction to read the protagonist as a white man with brown hair and brown eyes. Kiram is a dark-skinned Haldiim youth with curly gold hair and light eyes. It took me three readings of this book to perceive Kiram properly, and it’s something that has shaken me for a long time. Kiram is brilliant, snarky, and too gay for his own good. He’s also not stupid. I love reading a smart gay character who generally cannot hide who he is doing the work to blend in to a homophobic setting. Ginn Hale also writes gay sex better than some gay male authors.

Kakei Shiro (What Did You Eat Yesterday?)

Honestly, when am I ever not thinking about this man? I love how, even if he can’t immediately give Kenji everything he might want, he gives Kenji all that he can. He couldn’t say he loved Kenji for a long time, but you could feel the love in his cooking. I’m so happy to have this man and his partner back on my screen again. It is just so hard to be gay. I am so relieved that many of the folks reading my posts didn’t suffer The Knowing, because I know that Shiro and I will never be able to get away from what it did to us.

Chiron (Moonlight)

The terrible intersection of poverty, race, and sexuality has never been better exemplified for me than in this film that has no white people in it. There are just so many fewer choices for us, especially if you can’t hide who you are. I love Chiron so much because we see so much of what he was forced to be pushed onto him. There’s something heartbreaking and beautiful that as an adult he resembles Juan, and that he never got over Kevin.  I find it hard to explain why Chiron means so much to me, but I’m black and gay so I don’t always feel like I have to.

Max (Black Sails)

I love Max because she consistently chose to not be cruel when so many others would have. She is not accumulating power for her own ego or to punish those who wronged her. She holds power as a facilitator. History doesn’t remember the facilitators who keep the lights on and make sure the bread gets made every day, but you notice their absence within two days when they’re gone. Max is also funny to me because she and Flint almost never encounter each other, but have caused the other so much grief.

Thank you for the ask!

[sophietv]

The Ultimate LSK Threads Of Koincidences (2020) Part 1

Ok, since there's soooo much. I'll do it by years and link the other.

See Fall 2019 before reading this one (X)

As I did in the other, I'll link posts that explains certain piece of Kaylor Lore so you are able to better understand certain Koincidences. So if there's an (X) beside something, it's to give more context and info.

Here's the list of every Koincidences that happened in 2020.

If I forgot something, don't hesitate to tell me and I'll add it so we have everything!

Here's the amazing masterposts that helped me a lot make this part (X) (X)

January 2020

January 1st:

Karlie does a 2019 recap video on Klossy and says something really inchteresting about her second wedding:

"Kind of had a second wedding, but, it was pretty much just a party"

January 17th:

Karlie went did an interview with Andy Cohen and she talks about her "Love Story" and there's just sooo much to unpack there:

"This is quite a Love Story actually"

"I met my man in 2012" (The "I love Karlie Kloss! I want to bake cookies with her" is from 2012) See my before 2013 Kaylor timeline (X)

Also Karlie saying "my man" to "that's my man, every bait and switch was a work of art"

"It's not been easy, but it's worth it" I'm - 🥹🥹🥹

"I would make that same decision a million times again" ties pretty well with "For you I would ruin myself, a million little times"

January 31st:

Miss Americana is out.

Karlie is credited in the movie. There's a scene where you see a glimpse of her at the AMAs red carpet.

But most importantly... the Call It What You Want scene:

Soooo much to unpack on that scene.

Some say that with the reflections on the guitar, you see a woman. But that's not the most important thing.

First.

There's a littelal Easter egg:

Second.

She's wearring the Victoria Secret Angel Ring.

Source : Tily Nation

But the most important evidence is that when Taylor lifts her foot and you hear someone laughing singing: "I did one thing right"

It's not Taylor, it's Karlie.

Someone isolated the vocals and you can hear it very clearly (X)

(Putting the video here just so if the post is deleted, we don't loose it)

Source @lexiiieee223

Also, when by the end Taylor sings "Karlie would you want to?" you hear Karlie say "Yes!" before Taylor even finishes singing (impossible to be Taylor).

This whole scene is used in the Lover Lyrics Video (X)

February 2020:

February 12:

Karlie is papped during New York Fashion Week wearing a daisy coat. (X).

February 18:

Karlie post a story with a drawing of the dress Taylor wore for the NFL ME! announcement...for Galentine's day:

February 27:

The Man MV is out with tons of Karlie's reference. (sadly I did not do a thread yet about all of it).

But the most important part is the fake wedding:

No one's there to officiate it.

But the absolute loudest thing of all is this:

Look closely at the ring. The pose. Everything.

See my Love Blackout post for more information on this, because this is LOUD (X)

February 28:

Every year since the Love Locked Down (X), Karlie takes a picture in Paris around that time.

Here's a thread of all the times since 2015: (X)

March 2020:

March 3rd:

Karlie post during a vacation. In the exact same snow outfit that Taylor posed in for Variety 4 months before.

And March 3d is also really really close to their anniversary...

March 20th:

Karlie's first post since Lockdown.

Also, first post of 2020 where she is wearring the Amulette de Cartier. (X) (Very important!)

You can also see those amazing posts about it (X) (X)

May 2020:

May 7th:

Taylor wears a daisy shirt on her Instagram post:

May 5th:

Karlie makes a post about a Turkey Baster...

Right aroung the time where she would have been trying to get pregnant for Levi to be born on March 11th 2020.

May 10th:

Taylor does a post for Mother's day with a video and caption talking about her being 10 months old.

(Levi is born 10 months later).

May 13th:

Eye theory in Karlie's Instagram story. (X)

March 14:

Taylor does a very interesting post about Buns in the oven.

9 days after Karlie's Turkey Baster post.

There's 10 buns on the picture, Levi was born 10 months later.

June 2020:

June 25th:

Karlie does a post about forgetting to feed the Tamagotchi.

Interesting. Considering that in Miss Americana, Taylor compares babies to Tamagotchis...

July 2020:

July 10th :

Karlie post a video on Instagram dancing in a cardigan in a forest. 13 days before Folklore's release.

Wich is practically identical to a video Taylor did for Folklore.

Taylor's Cardigan video:

Karlie's :

July 16:

Karlie does a story about her July Klossy Run Club with a calendar.

Her pfp points directly to Folklore's release date:

July 17:

Karlie post an interesting Instagram picture with a Sun Flower that is very reminescent of the Lover photoshoot Taylor did witht the daisy.

Also. Eye theory.

This is 7 days before Folklore's release.

Do you see the ressemblance?

July 23rd:

Karlie does a post with pictures of her in the forest à la Folklore.

This prompted a lot of medias to talk about how Karlie was showing her support to Taylor for her new album release.

I've reached my limit of 30 images per post!

Tumblr agrees with me that these girls are A LOT 😅 (In the best way!).

Here's the link to Part 2! : (X)

[wingzie]

Behind the Screen

The Beginning

On 20th September 2020 I posted my first ever Live Reactions on GCF in Tokyo. I was very nervous. In a world full of so much hate, would my attempt to go back in time to reminisce together and spread positivity be accepted? I wasn’t so sure. My idea behind the very concept of Live Reactions was because I was sick of so many fights about GCF in Tokyo. I wanted to show the true loving reactions to these moments, without all the drama that ends up going around in a vicious cycle. Thus, I started doing some research.

After I finished advanced searching on various social media platforms, I got ready to make the thread. I found myself quickly enjoying looking through old posts. It was fun and I think that’s a big part of why I am still making these now, nearly three years later. Plus the support. Once the thread was made, I posted it and actually hid my phone. I came back to it about an hour later and was very surprised to see such a huge response to it. At the time, it was one of my most popular posts and instantly there was a desire for more. 

I decided to throw myself into it.  If people wanted more, then I was happy to help with that! Especially when it was making so many people happy. I made a new Google Drive account and a spreadsheet to go with it, so that I could keep track of which Jikook moments I had already done or not. Over time, I would start formatting my posts properly and understand how the advanced search function worked on Twitter. I am a History and English major, so being accurate is very important to me. This gave birth to my second style of posts: Discussion and timeline threads. The Unexpected

Though these threads are well received and made with a lot of love, there was a dark side to this that I have never really spoken about before. The jikooker hierarchy is a strange one and is one that I try to ignore, but with that comes consequences and a certain isolation. A group of jikookers did not like that my account had apparently grown from out of nowhere and started spreading rumours about me, my posts and my identity. This hurt because I had never spoken to these people before. I would love it if we actually conversed, because I enjoy talking to people and I like to think that I am a pleasant person. But they were not interested and instead they continued to try and tarnish my name. I decided to come out to my closest friends and just continued what I was always doing.

I mostly ignored the bullying and it soon stopped once they realised that I was really not interested in the drama. I never have been and never will. After all, that was the main reason I started this journey of making threads. To try and counter the hate and drama, I just never expected it from my own side. It made me more determined than ever and I also made a promise to myself, to make sure others NEVER experienced what I did. A good friend of mine recently revealed that I was one of the only ones that would reply to their curious messages about Jikook. I feel like this is also something important: How we are seen from the outside. We want Jikook to be recognized for their bond and their talent. But how can we do that if all we do is fight or act better than others? I will always be here to talk or help others, it’s just in my nature to do so.

The Present and The Future

In the last few months or so my life has changed dramatically, in real life and also online. I have lost family members, got a new job and I am currently on carers leave. I decided to bring my laptop in the hope that I could work on some posts whilst everything was happening. I have (somehow) managed to find a balance between both and now have a loose schedule that I try to follow. I also try to not pressure myself whenever there is a new Jikook moment to instantly start working on it. I used to get really stressed, but now I am much better. One thing, however, is making this whole process rather difficult. Twitter. Or “X” as it’s now called. I can no longer just work on a post whenever I want to, I have to be time conscious. I currently have four accounts and have to rotate between them. Last night Jungkook went on We-live, with Jimin active in the comments. Jikookory happened. It was around 2am my time, but I’m still struggling to sleep in case I am needed. I decided to work on getting screenshots and it was hard. The search function does not work as well as it used to and my timeline is messed up on my backup accounts. There’s probably a case study that can be done here, but I just really wanted to work on a post without being restricted. I continued though, determined to show what others see. Sometimes we’re only aware of what is is happening in our own circles and not what is going on around us. Those that are in personal spaces with me know my deep frustration with all of this. On my Birthday, my main account got double limited and then my second account got locked. It was not fun. However, I refuse to give up. I have already completed my scheduled posts for August and September and am (very slowly) working on posts ready for November and December. Assuming that “X” is still around then. If not, I’ll post elsewhere or here. And for those asking why I haven’t been posting on here, my account seems to be bugged and won’t let me post links or videos in text posts for some reason. No idea why. Guess I don’t have much luck with social media platforms. With the way things are right now, this is a promise. I will continue to keep doing what I have been doing over all these years. It might be harder but I still have that same goal that I’ve always had: To spread postivity and appreciation for Jikook for all in a safe environment. Love you all.

[gacha-incels]

I hope this isn't taken in bad faith because I'm sorting out my confusion and have heard a lot of back and forth. I don't understand Korean so it's difficult for me to keep track of what is true. These questions are related to a different masterpost I saw on the subject.

In the thread you posted for that other anon, didn't the newspaper retract the report that Vellmori said she was fired over the phone, and that no interview with press occured?

And what about the firings in the union in December 2023 related to a mishandling of the Project Moon incident?

Thank you.

If you will permit me to ask a larger, more encompassing question back, and this is something I’m legitimately surprised to see especially on tumblr…why does everything regarding your (addressing this as general audience) views on this case (and PM/LC) hinge on the decisions of a legal system completely rife with systemic, institutionalized misogyny? This isn’t me trying to pass the buck, “South Korea’s society is completely saturated with misogyny and the law both reflects and upholds this fact for its citizens” is the FIRST thing you need to consider before you take in information like “these charges were dropped” or “this was redacted”. You need to look at a lot of the “masterpost” information with this in mind. Why do you think these things happened, because the female employee and unions were lying? or that the law favors companies over women who are victims of the misogynistic “feminist ideological verification”, therefore making it easier for the offending company to sue for libel? the threads I posted earlier are literally translated from a Korean speaker and go into how the unions still believe Vellmori was a victim of ideological verification and her firing due to this should be illegal, but the law is weak in that regard, so the legal reality can’t reflect this. if the legal reality can’t reflect this, statements to a newspaper can be redacted and changed so they don’t get sued, something that PM said they would do (they addressed this in one of their notes to everyone besides the incels). this is why you have seen in the past year such a push from trade unions and women’s groups to update laws for women who get fired for the incel witch hunt of “feminist ideological verification”. Limbus Company is still brought up consistently in Korean news reporting on misogyny as a recent example of a woman being fired for posting about feminism on her social media. This is why I try to emphasize the fact that this is a huge, society-wide problem and you cannot see it as “project moon” VS “the haters” if you want to have literally any understanding of what’s happening. The PM case isn’t an isolated incident, rather it has been added to their national conversation regarding misogyny and “feminist ideological verification”. It’s also why I find this “tit for tat” style of argument so tedious like why are you arguing the minutiae of this shit back and forth for points like you’re playing pokemon. it’s asinine. this is what brings me to the point about the youth union, this is a topic I do not think should factor in on the Project Moon case ESPECIALLY for us as foreigners who are unaware of the internal politics and jockeying for power that has gone on in regards to that. I tried to follow it as it was happening and there was so much going on that would not only require the reader to be (obviously) fluent in Korean but also have knowledge of smaller politicians there and how the union was structured and the ideologies of those trying to rise in rank that I decided posting about this would just bring more confusion, and it doesn’t effect the main point which is the fact that Vellmori was fired in a witch hunt at the behest of incel project moon fans. idk if this is the post you’re referring to but I posted similar thoughts when I saw this user bring it up in their “PM masterpost” or whatever

I do find posting things like that bereft of context incredibly damaging and unhelpful to the actual conversation. I also think the reaction of PM’s female fanbase to Vellmori’s firing and PM’s treatment of Leviathan’s artist monggeu (boycott, deleting entire accounts of fanart, taking back gifts they gave to the cafe, asking for refunds, etc) should tell you a lot about the situation and how it’s viewed there.

[mllemaenad]

The Magnus Protocol: Introductions

It may just be a side effect of the new story format, but it strikes me how deliberately ... attention seeking, let's say, some of these supernatural events seem to be.

I don't mean all of them. I noted previously that Norris's stories, so far, have involved accessing quite private information – and without access to those accounts you wouldn't necessarily spot what was going on.

But Chester's first story in First Shift had something deliberately post a provocative, and apparently gory, image that had to be removed by the forum moderators:

Chester Re: Magnus Institute Ruins By RedCanary on Saturday April 30 2022 2:01am [Image removed by moderator] Canaries should stay above ground. Re: Magnus Institute Ruins By FlowersUnderground on Saturday April 30 2022 2:27am Gross! Can we get some mod action over here? Re: Magnus Institute Ruins By BadGrav31 on Saturday April 30 2022 3:11am What the hell is that? Are those eyes? Are you all right? Re: Magnus Institute Ruins By ArcherK on Saturday April 30 2022 7:33am RedCanary, you have been warned, our terms forbid posting explicit images including gore. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but you brought it on yourself. – The Magnus Protocol: First Shift

And the deleted posts in Personal Screening indicate that something took the time and trouble to remove any content that wasn't related to the horror story. It's not just that "Freddy" knows how to skip irrelevant details. Someone or something did away with the clutter.

And it is more noticeable still in the cases that are direct recordings, rather than read by the text-to-speech programs. I don't so much mean Daria from Making Adjustments, whose privacy is presumably being violated here, but I do mean the mysterious tattoo artist, Ink5oul, who made their mark while livestreaming, and apparently got increased fame and fortune out of it:

Daria Before I could reply they hit a button on their set-up and suddenly we were live streaming with lights in my eyes and their arm tight around my shoulders. I don’t remember much of what they said to their viewers, but they kept telling everyone how lucky I was whilst they dragged me into the chair. – The Magnus Protocol: Making Adjustments

And here we have Needles. And the thing about Needles is that he deliberately calls the police to demand that they be scared of him. And the thread of humour running through the story is that everybody (barring, presumably, the poor bastard who got "cuddled") needs a bit of convincing that needles are, in fact, scary. Needles can feed on the fear of others, sure – but he's got to work for it.

Needles Call it dessert. But you’re not afraid are you? Unsettled, off-balance but nothing more. Why is that? Police Operator I guess I’m just not scared of needles. Needles (irritated) Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh. We’re talking about the embrace of an iron maiden, an excruciating agony formed from a thousand tiny hurts. – The Magnus Protocol: Introductions

It's interesting how deeply entitled he feels to the operator's terror ... but I have to imagine he's aiming high. If there's any group of people, in any reality, who are used to hearing horrifying things on the phone and just dealing with them, it has to be emergency service operators. Needles wants to be feared by the fearless. Surely he doesn't need to? He could presumably wander down an alley and find another isolated person to stab. But he chooses to make himself known.

I don't mean to say that no one in The Magnus Archives ever posted weird shit on the internet. Obviously they did. But there is a difference between a program that disappears after being downloaded once, or a forum that ostensibly never received any visitors, and these fairly direct demands to be noticed.

There are occasional more public instances of supernatural occurrences in The Magnus Archives, but, well in the case of a ritual the participants believed they were about to remake the world in the image of their god – so discretion was pretty much off the table. And in those cases, they were nevertheless isolating a bunch of people. Just ... significantly more than the norm.

In most cases, the incidents were private or isolated. The entities needed a victim to be isolated in order to get hold of them. Finding other people – or sometimes even merely thinking of other people – could save someone from their grasp. Yes, there were cases where the isolation could be emotional rather than physical, but the whole process relied quite heavily on most people not seeing or acknowledging the monsters.

It was the core struggle of the characters working in the archives: even if you believed the stories, even if you accepted that if it would only record on the tape recorder it was definitely real, there was still very little you could do about it. You can't easily follow up on something that happened behind a closed door with no witnesses or physical evidence. There were few opportunities to actually deal with the things that lurked in the shadows.

But here it does feel like something wants to be seen.

And that leads to the other side of the story: the people doing the listening. We're reminded again that these people are all working a night shift, and Sam in particular is suffering for it.

It's not clear why this is a night shift. I'm aware there are multiple possible reasons this could be so, but my assumption so far has been that they are the remnants of an additional emergency service. After all, one term for a person who arrives to deal with a crisis is a "first responder" – and Sam is apparently in the middle of applying to the supposedly defunct Response Department.

The fact that they seem to have mislaid a whole department certainly suggests the OIAR has seen better days, and it's highlighted that the building feels like it should have more people:

Celia Sure, no worries. I’ll be honest, I thought there’d be more people working here given the size of the building? Sam Yeah, no we’re, uh… Alice Streamlined? – The Magnus Protocol: Introductions

If, for whatever reason, you found yourself working with a reduced budget, you might have to choose which shifts remained active. And well, things do traditionally go bump in the night ...

There's also a really clear parallel drawn between the determinedly phlegmatic police operator and Alice, the almost 10 year (!) veteran, who has heard it all before:

Alice Well who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll kill again. What was it? Sam Like … A guy made of needles I think. Alice Needles? Is that scary? I’ve been working here so long I can’t tell anymore. Gwen Maybe if you’re scared of needles? Sam To be fair, he did sound kind of … sensitive about that. Alice Huh. – The Magnus Protocol: Introductions

Even Gwen takes some time out of her work to be moderately dubious about the potential scariness of needles. The only significant difference between these people and the operators on the call is that, at the moment, they don't really do anything with what they hear. Which goes back to that Response Department again.

None of that means the OIAR isn't necessarily up to something nefarious, of course. The Magnus Institute also had a moderately respectable public face, at least in the universe in which The Magnus Archives was set.

The OIAR has some association with a mercenary company called "Starkwall", after all. And that both suggests that, at least at one point, they had the ability to respond to what they heard with some force – and that their activities were incredibly dodgy.

Then, of course, there's Celia. Needles introduces himself three times in the story: speaking to three operators, and a fourth, beyond that, to Sam, who hears his story. It seems reasonable to suppose that he will recur at some point in the future. And Celia introduces herself right after that. So presumably she's staying too, at least for a while.

Celia, of course, was a character from The Magnus Archives. And, so Google tells me, both characters share a voice actress. I am going to assume that's plot relevant, because it's an odd and distracting choice if not.

The interesting thing about Celia, of course, is that that is not her name. Or, no, to be clear, Celia is the name she chose for herself after forgetting her original one.

Martin [Puzzled] Celia? Celia Probably. The, um… place I was trapped in, they took my name. I never got it back. But I like Celia, so… yeah! Celia it is. – The Magnus Archives: Scavengers

Her name prior to that was Lynne Hammond. Reasonably, you might expect an alternate version of the character to go by Lynne. You can come up with reasons for her to have still chosen to change her name, sure, but that seems unnecessarily convoluted.

But if it is the Celia from The Magnus Archives, it raises interesting questions about how she got here. She's not a voice on a machine – she's apparently a whole, functioning person.

There's no way to know where she was, at the end, as she was carried off by monsters. Proximity seems an unlikely factor. You'd have to assume that, of all outsiders, Rosie was closest to the fire, because she had only a limited amount of time to make a run for it – and she's confirmed alive, well and cat-sitting The Admiral.

Celia might have come through, accidentally or intentionally, on her own, of course, by poking around Hill Top Road, because apparently that's a thing – although if this is indeed a multiverse, you'd still have to ask how she ended up in this one. Or is she here because she was taken by the "servants of the Eye"? And if so, might the other "cultists", both the ones we know and the lost ones from Georgie and Melanie's previous rescue attempt, be here too?

Amusingly, Celia's surname seems to be Ripley. And that might mean nothing at all. Several characters in The Magnus Archives were named after famous horror writers, so if you recognised somebody's surname it mostly meant they were probably going to be a major character. In a new universe, people might tend to be named after famous horror characters.

So it's really only interesting if you assume that Celia, needing a surname to go with her new first name, chose it for herself.

Ripley is the one who knows about the monsters. She's a survivor of multiple interactions with hostile alien life – and okay, there was the time she didn't survive, but even then she did. She's the sensible one, to whom nobody listens when they should. She's an employee of a company that repeatedly and explicitly prioritises its ability to profit from a terrifying space monster over the lives of its workers. She's constantly out of place in both space and time, with no way to get back to her old life. And, interestingly, she has a complicated relationship with AI – dealing first with Ash, the android company plant who turned on his coworkers in pursuit of the alien-as profit, and later Bishop, her eventual ally in protecting the child Newt from the monsters.

You can see how, under the circumstances, Ripley might be a good role model for Celia. She doesn't scare so easily either.

[sorrinslays]

Lowkey just realized this, but Simon is perfect for literally every vision from Genshin

Like, think about it:

Anemo vision is given to those who, in some way, desire or chase some form of freedom

Starting off strong, Simon fits that description really well for a number of reasons. He wants to feel free from the guilt and pain of losing Betty and the world he lived in so many centuries ago. He wishes to escape from the labyrinth that is his mind (more Ice King but yk). He desires freedom from his past as Ice King and the mistakes and atrocities he did. And lastly, he wishes to find the true freedom that is death (implied)

Geo vision is given to those who work hard to achieve their ambitions

You cannot tell me that does not describe Simon. He worked hard to be where he was in life (pre-Betty), going on expeditions, researching and not stopping even if literally nobody believes or respects him. And even now, he is working hard to be a better person (going to therapy and expanding his social circle)

Electro vision is given to those who see the world differently from others and are genetically considered different or odd

Now let's be honest with ourselves, that's, like, Simon 101. Even before the Mushroom war Simon was considered weird. Nobody was interested in his lectures or saw his research as valuable (except Betty). It's even more true now that he feels isolated and different from everyone around him due to his circumstances. He's supposed to be dead, yet he's still here, surrounded by people so similar yet different from him in a world that feels like as if someone looked at earth through a funky mirror

Dendro vision is given to those who either seek or posses knowledge or skills that are considered either hidden or forbidden or simply value knowledge highly

Again, it describes the poor sad little man perfectly. As a researcher he valued knowledge very highly as he always studied or researched whenever we see his "past" life. Now he also possesses 'forbidden' knowledge, that of the crown and Golb

Hydro vision is given to those who either have a strong dedication towards something, or have a desire to help or protect others

Marceline, Fiona and Cake. Need I say more?

He wishes to protect people he deeply cares for, especially if he sees them as child-figures. He sacrificed his sanity because it was the only way to protect Marceline during the apocalypse and left before things went bad and he was willing to do the same for Fiona and Cake to protect them even if it mean going through the heartache all over again

Pyro vision is given to those who are strongly passionate about something and dedicated their life to it

You could make the case for both his research and love for artifacts and Betty but I think that Betty is the better option for this. At the start of the series, we see that he has dedicated a lot of his time to Betty even she isn't with him anymore. He still wants to see her again, to save her. She was his everything and he loves her more than anything, unable to move on until the finale and even then he still has trouble with it

Cryo vision is given to those who are at a "crossroad" in their life, are torn between responsibilities and desires or hiding something

The irony of the cryo fitting him aside, the vision is literally him in the series. He's torn between wanting to hang on on that thread of sanity that Betty literally sacrificed her life for and helping Fiona and Cake and having a purpose in life once again. He wants to help but by helping he's basically spitting in Betty's face and showing that her final sacrifice means nothing. How can he decide? When he feels like every day is not only meaningless but also taxing and a waste of Betty's gift. He doesn't deserve it but at least he can help someone, fix their world and do something good with his life. After all, no one really needs him, right?

(This is a very random post and it's a habit I developed of thinking "what vision fits the character I'm hyperfixating on the most?" and, honestly, I recommended it to everyone cause it makes you look deeper and understand them better as a character)

(Don't take this too seriously tho, it's just crazy ramblings that plague my mind at night)

[soccerpunching]

Bestieeeeee 😻,

What is your worst IE headcannons?

I'll tell mine back 💅💅💅

I may be too out-of-touch from the fandom to know what people would consider bad and worst but I do have some that others may have an issue with! AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK YOU ABOUT HEADCANONS TOO, BUT YOU GOT ME FIRST! AND I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOURS VERY MUCH!! (although I haven't watched most of ares and orion so i may not understand some for now, I would love to hear them still!!)

This ended up a long post, I'm making this cut...

I'll start with a tame one (may also be really boring), but this one needs my other hcs for anyone to understand the actual one I want to share. Here's a "brief" list of the others (happened between og series and inago):

Gouenji has unparallel knowledge of ALL Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, and Ghibli movies and will defend the female characters with his life. (This is why I thought he probably knows MLP as I said on the last ask)

He's not a fan of social media and does not use anything outside of inalink and private messaging. Not bcs he's cool, he just doesn't understand them. Much like in honosuto with the laptop, initially with inatube, and him always forgetting his useless phone.

Yuuka convinced him to make an inatter (twitter) and inagram account bcs she does not want anyone to steal the @ and that she also wants to be able to tag him on her posts (and of his teammates/friends) so they can keep the memories. He saves all the pictures he gets tagged in and sometimes prints them out to keep in an album he designed (he's very good w crafts). I still can't believe honosuto came up with those social media names (except for inagram)

He only cared about the bare minimum use of social media so he only ever retweets in inatter (never made his own tweet ever; but he does reply on some that addresses him) and only posts his creations on inagram with no caption or a few words about what he made (made takoyaki, felted a bunny, crocheted a penguin, made cupcakes, etc.).

He only has three kinds of inatter rts: about soccer, about making art, and tweets of his friends and family. Yuuka made his bio in both of them. He also became good at taking pictures of his creations thanks to Yuuka.

However, he is mildly updated with internet language bcs that's all he hears from his sister and her friends and from his own friends in the group chat that he only talks in when he's mentioned. He assimilated most of the phrases they use in chats.

Having said all this, he almost has no social media presence. You're lucky to see his page updated after two weeks. He doesn't reply with strangers either unless it's a kid who loves or interested in soccer.

He also doesn't share much in interviews. Very bare minimum of answering questions and always answers in short sentences and just poses for the camera shortly before he bounces. His favorite answer to questions is "oh that's private" not bcs it's private but bcs he doesn't want to talk that long unless youre asking him about his opinion on human rights-- something that his agent and/or soccer club prevented the press from ever asking him again (an hc drop another time). But anyway, he always had strong opinions and doesnt hold back in expressing them (og series and inago) and that's trouble for the club sponsors so they make a lot of effort on stopping anybody from having the opportunity of asking him anything outside of his personal and athlete life.

And the last context here is that Gouenji is autistic, but we already know that.

Okay so now time for the actual bad HC I want to share... which is how Gouenji came out as bisexual to the public

This started with an inatter thread of a person criticizing Anna (Frozen) for her actions in the first movie that reached Gouenji's timeline. Gouenji answers with 7 tweets worth of respectful paragraph of why Anna shouldn't be criticized bcs of how she was brought up, bcs of her isolation, and bcs of her grief, etc. So, everybody lost their mind, etc etc. AND NOW, at the midst of all this, a soccer fan asked him the question below that he answered without thinking much about:

This blew up and his notifications gets flooded with questions about his sexuality and questionable taste that he really didn't mind answering if it wasn't blowing up his phone.

He was out with everyone in his circle that he forgot the world didn't know he's bi. So, he fixed that by tweeting "yes, im bisexual" on his timeline. He logs out and then decided to wait a few months before logging in again.

This didn't sound as fun as I amped it up to be but I think it's a terribly bland HC that I find kind of funny

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT ASK!! I VERY MUCH WANT TO HEAR YOURS!!!

[whats-a-human]

Tips on coping with homicidal ideation, no empathy necessary!

Unrelated to this blog's theme, but this is a very important topic. Everyone is welcome to interact. I wanted to post this long ago; it's hard to but I gotta help others and break the stigma around this too. I hope my wording is good enough.

I have struggled with homicidal ideation years ago, which you might call a type of intrusive thought. I rarely have any homicidal intrusive thoughts anymore and I've dealt with the underlying issue that caused them, so I believe I have overcome that problem.

So, here's a post to anyone struggling with this. Having a licensed therapist is better but I know that just like me, many of you can't have one.

Preparing for an episode

First of all, be neutral about your ideation: you aren't a horrible person and you aren't going to actually murder someone just because of it. Now, and that's really important too: do not normalize those thoughts. You aren't evil for having an illness, but it's still an illness that hurts you above all else, and can hurt others too. I learned this from an acquaintance and that was really helpful.

Now, have a support network. Friends, mental health groups, anything. You should have a safe space to talk about your experiences but you don't need to be "out" to everyone! You can just tell a friend something like "hey, sometimes my mental illnesses act up and I have episodes, when that happens I'll give you a heads up and we could do X" (like talking about a comfort topic, having you/your friend talk about your/their day, etc.) Find a safe way to avoid isolation!

Think of your triggers, make a list so you can avoid them and prepare for when you get triggered. Also list things that soothe you and things that give you a sense of power and control but don't harm you/others. The options are endless, like painting your nails, giving your hair a trim, customizing your phone/blog/etc, cooking, going for a walk, hobbies etc.

2. During an episode

The goal here would be averting your attention to something else, but that can't be forced.

So, you can always talk facts with your brain. If you did act on your urges, you'd be arrested, period. Minor or not. And as a mentally ill person, your time there and after prison would be double hell... compared to just not acting on the thought. If you've been arrested before I doubt you'd want to years on end there (or years on end again). What I also told myself was, "going to prison because of such lowly people isn't worth it". I was right and extra based.

Also why waste your time with murder plans when you can be thinking about Pokemon. Or anything else that brings you joy. Yes, thinking of Pokemon instead of murder plans is part of recovery and based as hell. Like, even if you aren't a fan, some of those critters are cute, right? And just like that, you're slowly averting your attention and the urges are quieting down.

3. Other important things

The biggest victim of my intrusive thoughts was me. Those I wanted to kill were my abusers and I didn't want to have those thoughts, even during episodes I hated that a part of me was into it.

But I would never accept a murderer as a part of myself. I refused to ever accept such path as a valid future for me. Those thoughts were a part of me, but they didn't need to be part of me FOREVER. And I proved myself right. I focused my strength and intelligence on RECOVERING and it was the right choice.

You may feel powerless just like I was. Then, give yourself a haircut, cook something, make art, customize your phone, watch a movie, go do anything that reassures you that YOU are in control of your life, not your abusers. Some things may not appear productive but they are nonetheless carving the way to a beautiful and FREE life. Your episodes will slowly become less and less frequent, and less intense.

Of course recovery isn't linear, it's not always pleasant or easy and you'll still have really bad times, but deciding to thread the path of recovery is a huge step of power in itself. Stay determined.

I still live with my abusers but I have worked so much with myself and whatever I could do within my reach, that the power I consider them to have over me is much, much smaller and that did wonders to me.

An extra reminder: some triggering things may feel kinda good or addictive, like doomscrolling or something that personally entertains your homicidal ideation instead of directing you away from it. For example, directing your violence towards fiction can be helpful but if engaging with/producing violent media entertains these thoughts about real life actions instead of being cathartic, that's a form of self-harm. I know it's addictive but try to look for alternatives! You can do it 💪

Once again, huge virtual hug for everyone 🫂 stay safe!