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clazaries · 3 months

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Old Love, New Dream (NSFW)

(JonathanLevy! x f!reader)

Summary: Just when you think you've recovered from a debilitating breakup with Jonathan Levy, all those feelings come rushing back when he walks back into your life again as your best friend's boyfriend. w/c: a whopping 10.1k Warnings: angst, Mira is included in this, NSFW; smut, fingering, p in v, oral (fem rec.), eventual fluff a/n: HELLOOOO! I'm back. Sorry took a small hiatus to finish off college and I really struggled to finish the end of this so apologies if it's shit. I also watched a spanish film called a treves de mi ventana (specifically the third one) which I loved and took inspiration from while I was writing this. Anyway hope you enjoy!!!

Fuck Jonathan Levy.

Fuck him and everything he stands for. Fuck him in the past and fuck him in the future. Fuck him and the way he treated you with love in his heart, with stars in his eyes, and with you at the heart of everything he did. Fuck him for being the best boyfriend, partner and friend that anyone could’ve asked for. Fuck him for promising you that it would last forever, that you would always have him for as long as you live.

Fuck him, especially on that unassuming Tuesday morning when you woke up to sadness on his face, pain behind his eyes and the truth on his lips. Fuck his ‘I think we should take a break, we need to spend time on ourselves, by ourselves.’ Fuck him for making you think that life’s not fair; because how were you to know that after six years of a strong and stable relationship, especially one that guided you hand-in-hand into adulthood, would be ripped from you in a day.

Fuck him for making you miss him so, so fucking badly to the point where you struggle to get through your day without thinking about him. The countless number of occasions where you’ve had friends and family members tell you so naively to ‘move on’, or to ‘get over him’, or that ‘you don’t miss him, you miss what you had with him.’

And in all honesty, they’re exactly right. You can’t bear to reflect upon what could’ve been, so your only alternative is to miss what you had, and therein lies that problem of why he still subconsciously worms his way back into your mind. Because he’s tied to it, intertwined so deeply that he’s the knot you just can’t unravel.

It’s not like you think about him purposely, in fact, if you had the will-power to compartmentalise everything associated with him into a box, you would lock it and throw away the key. But he left such an imprint on you that in the quietest moments of thought, his name, his face, his eyes and Jesus, even the memory of his scent appears when you least expect it. What’s worse is that they’re good memories, not the ones that broke your heart, not the ones that should be reminding you of how much of an arsehole he is, but the ones that you look back on with nostalgia.

It took a long time to come to terms that he’ll never be a part of your life again, to shake hands with the devil and accept that he will always be the one that got away. That’s the part that will never leave you. He is the big gaping wound in your heart that will never heal.

The best you could do was move away to another state, to start afresh with the hopes of finding someone new that could give you everything he did and more. But it’s proven to be a bigger challenge than you anticipated because your desire to find someone capable enough to fill the hole and let it scar has never been satiated. No one, not even in the three years since your break up with Jonathan Levy, has come close.

You had gone for such a long time thinking that this level of pain and heartbreak was exclusive to you only and that there was no one else in this world who could empathise with you. That was until you met your next door neighbour Mira who was shockingly similar to you in every way; broken from a relationship that ended years ago, desperately searching for something or someone to alleviate years of hopeless longing and the need for fulfilment. She was the therapy you always knew you needed and vice versa. There were many nights spent drinking wine, talking about ex-lovers with the same yearning, indulging in each others’ wishes of how they could relive what you both once had. Surprisingly, divulging each others’ woes became a temporary fix to your problem and soon missing him turned from a daily issue to a weekly issue. Now, he’s a quiet thought just once a month.

But things started to change one night in Mira’s dining room when she announced something you hadn’t seen coming.

She’s got a new boyfriend.

~~~~

You sit there, quietly in shock, at her oak dining table directly across from her, listening as she talks of her newly-established relationship as if she had been blessed by all the godly-deities of every power and religion.

“You have to meet him,” she says with a mouthful of spaghetti bolognese, “he’s just the sweetest guy.”

A twinge of bitterness and jealousy has your stomach clenching. “Yeah? Where did you meet him?”

“I’ve always kind’ve known of him, like, I met him last year when I was travelling for work, but recently we’re just really hit it off.”

“Do you think it’ll turn into something more serious?”

The lips of your friendly neighbour beam wider, a subtle coy sparkle evident in her eyes. “I would like to think so, I think we’re both in a really good place.”

“That’s great Mira, I’m happy for you.”

“I was actually thinking about hosting a dinner with the neighbours, like what we used to do years ago, but I might bring him along this time.”

“Wow, so really serious then. Must be something really special if you’re willing to dig up an old tradition just for him.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Well you know, I miss those dinners. They were always so much fun. They introduced a lot of new things to us including you, and I feel it would be a good way to introduce him to the street too since they’ll be seeing a lot of him ‘round here in the future.”

The Maple Avenue dinners were once the highlight of your week, plucked from a suburban neighbourhood’s dream. It was a tradition you inadvertently started when you first moved into the street, a way of getting to know the neighbours around you. Mira, being your next door neighbour was one of the first to receive an invite and was also the one to convince others to join. Surprisingly, the occasion started a chain of events where other neighbours wanted to host their own dinners, play games, chat and share their life over wine. It happened so often that it became a weekly ritual that you all cherished, until organising a roast for ten to fifteen people became too overwhelming, especially for those who had started a family, or who had taken a promotion at work. Having no such responsibilities, you and Mira became the only two to keep the tradition alive.

“I’d like that. Want me to get in touch with the neighbours?”

“I’ll handle it.”

Two weeks pass and the Friday you have been silently dreading finally arrives. You had been prepared for it up until about an hour ago when you couldn’t remember who drinks white wine and who drinks red, who has an intolerance to dairy and who has an allergy to nuts.

Spotting Mira’s open window across the way, you decide to lean out your bedroom window, hoping to catch her attention. “Mira!” Within seconds she’s mirroring you, her hair still pinned in curls and her body wrapped in her satin robe.

“What?”

“I was going to bring my roasted hazelnut cookies but I can’t remember who has a dairy intolerance and who has a nut allergy.”

“Don’t you remember? Alan doesn’t have dairy, it could get hairy, and Steph doesn’t have nuts, no buts. You don’t need to worry though, they can’t make it tonight.”

“See, this is why you’re the better neighbour. Red or white?”

“Go for red. Jonathan drinks red.”

For a moment, your heart stutters a little in your chest, a small sense of unease tightening your muscles, but you need to remember, it’s just a name. A popular boy’s name. “Jonathan?”

“Jonathan as in boyfriend Jonathan. As in the-reason-why-we’re-doing-this Jonathan.”

“Oh right,” you nervously laugh, “you’ve always referred to him as ‘the boyfriend’ it made me forget that he actually has a name.”

“Yeah, well he’ll soon have a face too. Although he said he might be a little late tonight and doesn’t mind missing the starter. He'll be here for the main.”

“Okay, can’t wait!”

Having food preparations sorted, you take the remaining few hours to present yourself; washing, bathing, moisturising, curling your hair, applying that little extra bit of makeup, and finally choosing an outfit. Despite it only being Mira and a handful of the neighbours who have seen you in worse states, you still feel the need to look presentable in front of a new face, perhaps the result of your mother’s behaviour rubbing off on you when she faced similar situations. ‘Always presentable, always welcoming. First impressions matter.’

Her words stay true to this day. It’s what banked you a job, friends amongst the neighbourhood, and impossibly so, Jonathan Levy’s attraction many, many years ago.

Since the weather had transitioned well into the Spring’s warmth, you settle for a sundress knowing that Mira fully intends to use her beautiful backyard to see off the sunset after dinner. It fits you perfectly, complimented by the sparkling golden necklace that sits squarely between your clavicles; the very same Jonathan had gifted you on your 21st birthday, which to anyone should be reason enough to get rid of it, but just like how you can’t completely get rid of the thought of Jonathan, you can’t get rid of the necklace. At least, not yet.

You arrive a little earlier than Mira had instructed but with good intentions. You help her set the table, stick the necessary food in the oven and ease her nerves. You’re glad to see her dressed similarly, having put in that little extra glamour on top of her usual appearance to appease her guests and, of course, her boyfriend which you both casually joke about.

Soon, one by one, the neighbours start arriving and quickly settle into their own seats as the first course gets plated out. Only one seat across from you remains empty.

You’re surprised by how quickly it starts to feel like nothing’s changed at all; being here together conversing over a roast, clinking glasses and laughing over memories and you remind yourself to give thanks to Mira’s new boyfriend for reigniting a fire that burned out long ago. However it seems like you might need to wait your turn with how engrossed the rest of the neighbours are in Mira’s new boyfriend, everyone wants to meet him. His name fails to fall out of conversation with now being the only chance to ask about him before he arrives.

“So how did he ask you out?” Lisa, from number 32, asks, sitting next to her husband Tom.

“He took me on a date to Rosano’s, very generously paid for my meal, and then we went for a walk along the pier where he surprised me with a bouquet of pink peonies that he had the ice cream vendor keep before the date. He had it all planned out.”

Everyone around you awes with adoration, their lips pouting and their hands over their chest, almost identical to the way people reacted when you told a similar story to your friends when they asked you how your Jonathan asked you out. Only after you swallow the soft lump of potato do you force yourself to respond in the same way, too caught up in your own memories to give an immediate reaction.

Pink peonies. Your favourite flower.

It takes everything in you to ignore the blaring alarm in your head, screaming and fussing over the coincidences. You boil it down to emotions running high and how everything lately has been reminding you of your ex, subconsciously relating everything back to the time you spent with him. Fuck, you didn’t even need to try that hard to link the lentil soup you’re eating back to him. The first meal you had together when you both moved into your new apartment…

The starter course and the conversation concluded when Mira’s boyfriend chapped on the front door. With an understanding nod, you take the plates from Mira’s hands, offering to take them to the kitchen while she answers the door. While there, you can hear through the walls, listening to the cacophony of people greeting one another, sharing names and pleasantries while you stand over the kitchen sink. While the tap runs, you look up to your reflection in the kitchen window, twisting your strands of hair to re-curl that one piece that had fallen flat. First impressions. Better make it a good one.

You enter the dining room once again with a beaming smile on your face ready to welcome him in, and standing there, by Mira’s side, is the last person you want to see.

Jonathan. Fucking. Levy.

It is by chance, or perhaps by fate's cruel hand, that you find yourselves face to face once again in the most unexpected of places. There’s barely enough time to react when your eyes meet from across the room, picked out from a sea of people being none the wiser to the unfortunate predicament you both face. In that moment, amongst the din of the dining room, time almost comes to a stand still and you’re left waiting in the doorway with bated breath, overrun by a wash of emotions as Jonathan’s eyes are confronted with the same feeling.

Between you and him, Jonathan seems to keep up the pretence better than you do as his smile barely dips, but enough to know that he recognises you, enough to know that he too is filled with the same amount of dread and confusion as you are. And as Mira walks him over to introduce you, he doesn’t let the facade fall.

She introduces your name to him and without a seconds’ hesitation, he offers his hand. “Hi, I’m Jonathan, nice to meet you.”

There’s a moment’s delay before you take it, his warmth no stranger to your skin, and with a little wobble to your voice you relay his words back to him. “It’s…it’s nice to meet you too, Jonathan.”

His eyes stay on you as Mira thankfully takes control of the conversation. Poor, oblivious Mira who is unaware of the fact that your Jonathan has just become her Jonathan…because surnames were never mentioned. “Is the food ready to come out?”

“Uh, yeah. I can…I can help out if you need.”

“Perfect! Jonathan, honey, you go sit and get yourself a drink, ‘kay? Dinner won’t be long.”

You watch agonisingly as Mira peppers his cheek with a kiss and follows you into the kitchen where you finally get a chance to navigate the minefield of unresolved emotions without a roomful of witnesses.

Mira instantly tends to the roast slowly cooking away in the oven leaving you to stand in the corner, almost not knowing what to do yourself. An explosion has just gone off inside you yet Mira and a roomful of people are expecting you to carry on as normal, as if years and years’ worth of recovery hasn’t just been stripped from you within a single second. Thousands of layers of hurt have been peeled back and left you bare and vulnerable to your biggest fear, and yet Jonathan’s pretence to not know you has forced you to deal with it as if it’s nothing.

What the fuck are you supposed to do?

“So what do you think?” Mira pulls you from your musing and peers up to you, a proud smile on her face. Her. Mira. It’s all for Mira’s sake, the innocent party in all of this. The realisation hits you like a freight train. If she knew anything about Jonathan being the ex you talked for hours about, it would destroy her. “He’s nice, right?”

“Lovely,” you gleam back, kickstarting your limbs to dish out the cooked vegetables. “He seems very nice.”

“I knew you’d like him.”

If only, Mira, if only.

Not enough time passes before everyone is sat at the dinner table once more, tucking into the delicious food warmly prepared by Mira. You wouldn’t even know, you’ve barely touched it. You can’t find it in you to enjoy the food nor engage in the jovial conversation happening around you because Jonathan Fucking Levy, your ex of six years, is sitting right across from you behaving so casually it makes your stomach churn.

The little ball of stuffing rolls across your plate, dancing from side to side over and over again. You take the small amount of comfort you can find in the hypnotic motion, stuck in a trance of watching this stuffing ball roll back and forward while Jonathan Fucking Levy drones on about his endeavours. You try to pay him no attention of course, but when everyone else around you is sucked into his conversation narrated by his smooth-like-honey voice that used to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, it’s harder said than done.

You dip in and out of his story telling every now and then because you can’t stop your curiosity from wondering just how different the last three years have been for him. Apparently he took ‘personal growth’ seriously and you come to realise that it wasn’t just a shoddy excuse to break up. He’s become a reputable academic, striving in the industry and made quite a name for himself which he explains so beautifully, so fluent with expression and elegant with his choice of his words that hooks everyone in which, given his career choice, makes all the more sense. Then, when you throw in his confident manner and the slightly animated way he presents himself when he speaks passionately about something (which, back in the day, used to be you), it accumulates to something you can’t help but admire. You see it in the eyes of your neighbours around you, afraid to blink for fears of missing something spectacular.

It really makes you wonder how he can act so calm and collected. It’s been three years. Surely there has to be one little atom inside him that's swayed by your being here. There has to be.

Oh, there definitely is.

You don’t know it because you refuse to look at him, but every part of Jonathan is burning with anxiety. If you could just spare him one glance you would see that his fingers twitch around the thin stem of the wine glass, that his whole body shakes with his bobbing knee, and that his teeth incessantly chew away at his bottom lip. At least he has the red wine to thank, staining his cheeks with enough colour to conceal how pale he would be otherwise.

Because he’s terrified. Terrified of not only seeing you, but missing you. Desperately, hopelessly, and unquestionably missing you. He feared he would never see you again to tell you. Yet here you are, sitting an arm’s length away from him, unknowingly tormenting him with the scent of your perfume that consumes every particle of air around him, effortlessly resurrecting memories of how he used to wish that scent would wake him up every morning like it used to. If only he could reach out to feel the buzz of your skin on his, just like it did when you shook his hand, the electricity that flowed through him when your eyes found his. He’s already experiencing withdrawal and he craves for your attention but you won’t look at him anymore. He needs you to look at him again, he needs you to know that he’s been plagued with regret since the moment you split. How can he get you to look at him?

“So what do you do?”

His question cuts through the running conversation like a sharp knife, demanding the attention of everyone at the table as they silence and wait for your answer. It takes you a second to realise he’s talking to you and had it been without everyone staring at you, you would’ve ignored him. But you don’t want to come across as rude to the other guests, and you settle for answering coldly.

“Just corporate work, just a simple nine-to-five-Monday-to-Friday kind of job. It’s nothing special.”

Mira interjects and you happily give her your attention if it means taking it away from Jonathan. Only, she’s leaning against his shoulder, softly patting his thigh affectionately. “Oh she’s being modest, she’s a finance manager, runs the full finance department with an iron fist, don’t you?”

“I manage a small team of bookkeepers and accountants, it’s barely a department.”

“Interesting, how did you get into that?” You pan back to Jonathan who’s munching away, glaring at him through the furrow of your eyebrows, almost vehement at his audacity because he already knows how you got in financing. It was him.

“A friend.”

“What do you mean?” This bastard.

“A friend convinced me to do it. I didn’t have the confidence at the time and he motivated me.”

“That was nice of him.” Sarcasm drips with every word.

You bite back. “Yeah, he was nice. Until he wasn’t. Anyway, that’s a different story for a different time. More wine, anyone?” There’s a few mumbles of agreement, giving you enough of an excuse to rise from the table and make your way to Mira’s pantry in search of a stronger, more bitter tasting wine because God knows you’re going to need it to get through the rest of this dinner.

Dessert comes and goes at an agonising pace. With the help of wine and the particularly boozy dessert, you become less inhibited, detangling yourself from the thick tension that’s lassoed tight around you and Jonathan.

Instead, you find solace in Harry, who lives at number 30, sitting next to you, telling you about the struggles of being a single dad to two troublesome toddlers. It’s quite a depressing conversation and not the pick-me-up you were looking for, but anything is better than having to quietly observe the flirting that’s happening across the table. You deceive Harry into thinking that he’s got your full attention but really you’re hyper aware of Mira and Jonathan in your peripheral vision, sharing small, intimate touches, glancing at each other with stars in their eyes, embraced by the bliss of new-found love.

That used to be you. You haven’t had anything like that since.

“So…uh…” You have all intentions of continuing the conversation with Harry but you weren’t listening well enough to remember where he left off. “Who’s looking after the kids tonight?”

“I hired a babysitter. Which reminds me,” he checks the time on his phone. “I said I’d be back by 8 and it’s 7:57. I better go.” To your dismay, your distraction rises from the table, grabs his jacket from the chair, thanks Mira for the meal and bids everyone a good night. Damn. There goes your distraction.

Everyone around you is locked deep in conversation under the lowlights of Mira’s dining room. All except you. With a heavy sigh, you reach for your wine glass to once again relish the dry, bitter taste of the alcohol as it trickles down your throat. You slouch further and further back against your chair, wallowing in your isolation that no one seems to take notice of.

But Jonathan does, and to your surprise, you feel something tentatively brush against your leg. At first you thought you had gotten too close to the table leg, but when it starts creeping up the length of your leg underneath your dress, your only option is to consider the man sitting directly across from you. Your eyes burn into the side of his head, ignorant to you while he talks enthusiastically about something you’re not privy to. Not that you want to be, especially when the tip of his shoe caresses the back of your calf, pulling it out from underneath you and hooking your ankle closer to him. He remains unfazed as your foot gently rests atop his underneath the table, tracing small circles over your achilles heel.

Your heart beats widely inside you, violently disorientating you as much as the twisting in your stomach does. The gesture is so provocative you’re almost sweating in your seat. It’s scandalous, outrageous, and downright inappropriate, but you’ll be damned to hell if you don’t admit to yourself that it feels mildly arousing.

Only when Mira leaves for the bathroom does he catch a glimpse of you over the tip of his wine glass and old sparks fly as you read the words in his eyes that his mouth can’t say. I miss you. I want you. I need you.

Shaken, you draw back your leg and pull your eyes from his, feeling completely lost and indecisive about what to do. The hidden touches, the secrecy, it’s all too intimate for you to be opening an old wound that still hasn’t fully healed. You’re not ready for three years of hardship to manifest.

Yet again Mira comes to the rescue when she returns from the bathroom and ushers all the remaining guests out into the backyard where you sit yourself as far away from Jonathan as possible, but it’s not without the touch of Jonathan’s hand to the small of your back as you all walk out through the glass panel doors, unnoticed by everyone else. There isn’t a doubt in your mind that he saw the momentary shiver that wracked your shoulders the moment his fingers splayed across the bottom of your spine, virtually feeling the heat of your body through the cotton sundress as if it was your own skin. You make a mental note to yourself to never get close to Jonathan for the remainder of the night.

Once you get outside, you look up to your bedroom window, visible from all areas of Mira’s garden, wishing that you return to the comforts of your own bed, lost in your book and free from this emotional torment. It takes just a glimpse of your window to see everything inside it, something you hadn’t realised was possible until Mira had to awkwardly knock on your door the second week of you moving here and gently warn you to draw your blinds when you were changing. And just as the thought arises…

“Do you remember,” Mira hiccups, perhaps on her sixth glass of wine of the night, “when I had to tell you to close your blinds two weeks after you moved here? I actually thought you were maybe trying to seduce me!” She laughs wholeheartedly, nearly spilling her wine onto Jonathan’s lap.

A blush blooms on your cheeks. “I didn’t realise you could see in! If I had known I would’ve! Jesus, Mira, way to make me out as a flasher in front of the neighbours.”

“Listen, if it makes you feel any better, some guys would’ve paid thousands to have seen what I saw every morning.”

With a nervous glance of your eyes, you see Jonathan’s glare hard on you.

“Do I need to contact the HOA and tell them we’ve got a pervert in our neighbourhood?”

The neighbours laugh but Mira rushes to her defence, unknowingly giving Jonathan that all important detail that he might take advantage of later. “My window is right there! How could I not see you?”

“Conversation over.”

Against your wishes, Mira dives into many conversations of a similar nature provoked by Jonathan who annoyingly asks all sorts of questions that involve how you and Mira became friends, forcing her, in her now drunken state, to divulge all the memories you share together, including the many nights you spent talking about ex-lovers. The minute she starts spilling everything, nausea starts to pool inside you and the colour trickles away from your cheeks. Knowing none the wiser, she talks on and on and on about how you bonded over the troubles and hardships of being single, detailing everything about how you would reminisce over ex-lovers and compare them to every shitty cheesy romance film you watched together. And with just a few stories, she single-handedly exposes all of your inner thoughts and feelings towards Jonathan. Right in front of him all for him to hear.

You silently plead with your eyes, solid in their gaze in the hopes that Mira would catch on and shut up, but she’s seven, no, eight glasses of wine deep that she can’t hold anybody’s gaze let alone yours.

Jonathan merely sits and listens, amused by everything that is pouring out from Mira’s loud mouth.

“I mean, it’s hard. And you’ll agree with me on this, that trying to get back into the dating scene as a single woman isn’t an easy experience! You go on dates with guys that bore you to sleep, clicking with absolutely none of them and it just leads to you going home and dreaming about meeting the one guy that sweeps you off your feet. Of course, you’ll know what I mean because you’ve already met him--”

“Mira--”

She turns to Jonathan to give him context. Knowledge that he already knows himself. “She had this one guy that she dated years ago, the one-that-got-away kind of guy. We used to laugh about him--”

Jonathan’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh really? How so?”

Fuck.

“Mira--”

“Just the usual girly stuff, what we would wear at our weddings, thinking about baby names, and talk about owning the perfect house in the suburbs, that kind of stuff.”

Jonathan turns to you with an emotion you can only only describe as being distressed, possibly on the verge of being disturbed and you don’t blame him. You’re sure that he could see the very same feeling in you through the gaps of your fingers as they hide your face in embarrassment.

This is possibly your worst nightmare come to life. The entire night had dwindled into absolute ruins and there’s nothing more that you want than to bury yourself into the ground, away from Mira, away from this mortifying feeling, away from Jonathan. You know it’s not her fault, but everything in you is wanting you to blame Mira, to be judge, jury and executioner and lay out all that she is guilty of in front of her. However in reality, you’re projecting. You were the one to tell her about Jonathan. You were the one to feed her all this information believing that not a word of it would ever reach Jonathan’s ears, and when you consider all that has led up to this exact moment, you are just as at fault as she is.

And you need to make a run from it while you can.

“I’m…uh, I think I’m going to go home,” you announce, not realising how shaky your voice is until you speak up. Mira’s expression falls with disappointment, coming immediately to a stand and trying her hardest to convince you to stay. But you know nothing could.

“Do you want us to walk you home?”

“Mira, I live next door, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

She persistently follows you back into the house. “I’ll walk you to the door then.”

“I know where the front door is--”

“I just want to make sure you get home okay--”

“Mira, honey, you go sit, I’ll walk her out.” Jonathan’s voice appears from behind you both, reassuring enough that Mira follows his word and returns to the back garden with a mousey ‘okay’. Once gone, Jonathan, stoic as ever, catches you in his stride, escorting you to the door with a hand to the back of your shoulder.

This time, when you speak, you can’t stop the sniffle as your emotions run high. “If I don’t want Mira walking me out, I sure as shit don’t want you walking me out.”

He merely looks down to you and sighs, not listening to a single word you say. Within a matter of seconds, you exit through Mira’s front door, ready and willing to slam it in Jonathan’s face but he’s just a pace too quick and is already following you through the front garden. Your body goes into high alert, having no idea what he’s about to do now that for the first time in three years, you have a moment alone together.

“Jonathan,” you warn. “Go back inside.”

“Just let me walk you home.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because I want an explanation as to what the fuck just happened in there.”

“You’re not getting one. You don’t deserve one. Go back inside, Jonathan, your girlfriend is waiting on you.”

“Like hell. Will you just talk to me for one second?!” He reaches out and grabs your arm, swinging you around to face him where your bodies stand inches apart. It’s not in anger nor frustration but in desperation, as if this is the only chance he’ll ever get again to speak to you alone and he’s not willing to let it slip by him so easily. “Is…is what Mira said true? Did you really talk about all those things?”

You look down to your fingers wringing them out while you wait for the courage to build. “That wasn’t her information to share. But what does it matter anyway, it’s…stupid.”

“It matters to me.” He tilts your chin with the gentlest of touches, his hand lingering close to your neck as he picks up the necklace sitting delicately around your neck, one that he’s all too familiar with. “I miss you.”

“Don’t…don’t say that to me.” You begin to feel the tethers keeping the remains of your composure snapping, your mouth sinking deeper into a frown the way it always does when you’re about to cry. “You don’t get to say that to me.”

“Nonetheless, it’s true. And I think you missed me too.”

You roll your eyes and he immediately scorns you. “No, no, don’t do that. Don’t invalidate it just because I said it. I’m not trying to be smug or patronising, I want to know the truth. Did you miss me?”

The wobble in your lip becomes uncontrollable. You don’t have the option to lie because he can read every minute feature on your face like it’s laid out for him in words, he would know if you didn’t tell the truth. With a deep breath, you push out the admission. “Every. Fucking. Day.”

He nods understandably, retracting his hand from your necklace and sinks it deep into his pockets. He looks up to your window before quietly murmuring words suggestive in tone, “then keep your window open tonight.”

And it takes your breath away.

~~~~

It’s late. A little past 1am. It’s been all too silent since the last of Mira’s guests left about an hour ago leaving only her and Jonathan next door.

His last words to you before you separated still echo loudly in your ears but you just can’t figure what he meant. It’s the only thing that’s kept you up this late, and even as you sit on your bed just a few metres from your open window that lets in a cool, calming breeze, you still can’t fathom what he’s intending to do because her window across from you is closed, her curtains drawn and her lights out.

Is this a joke? Is this Jonathan’s cruel twisted idea of a joke to make you watch as he and Mira settle for the night? Teasing you with something you can’t have? The foundation of that idea had developed a little less than half an hour ago and the more time ticks on, the more bricks are added to it.

Having enough, you turn your back to your window, taking your duvet and slinging it over your head and around your shoulders, blocking out the world behind you. There’s no point trying to sleep, the embarrassment and the emotional trauma of tonight are still too raw for you to find any peace, so you reach for the half-finished book on your nightstand.

Fuck Jonathan Levy. Fuck him and everything he stands for. Fuck him in the past and--

Wait, what was that?

Just then, not even two lines into your book you hear the small creak of a door opening and closing coming from outside. Your eyes dart to your digital clock reading 1:10am. It could be Mark coming in from his backshift. It could be Erin, Alan’s teenage daughter sneaking in from a night out. It could be Rebecca, taking her dog out on a late night walk. All options are plausible and wouldn’t be completely out of the ordinary. But there’s one option that you’re afraid to consider.

What if it’s Jonathan?

You don’t look to check because you wouldn’t know what you would do if it was him, and so in the meantime, you continue to anxiously sit and listen out for any other clues.

In time, they come. The rustling of the ivy that weaves in and out of your lattice fencing on the side of your house. The breaths of a man as he scales up the wooden structure to your window. The heaviness of his boots as they thud against your floorboards. The raspiness of his voice as he mutters your name. He’s here. In your room, and yet you still can’t bring yourself to turn around to face him. Your breaths are tremorous as he makes his way closer to you, almost shaking with anticipation of what’s about to happen.

He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t make any rash decisions. For a moment, he pauses by the side of your bed eyeing you up with your duvet slung over your head and decidedly reaches for it, taking a fistful of the sheets and dragging it slowly away from you until you’re exposed to him, still dressed in the sundress you couldn’t bring yourself to take off. The tension locks you in a chokehold, unable to move, unable to speak, waiting for the moment where Jonathan’s hand reaches out to touch you once more but you know it’ll be different this time. No more gentle touches hidden in plain sight, no more casual excuses to lay his hands on you, everything that will happen here on in will be the result of three years of separation and withdrawal.

The bed dips under his weight and only then do you turn your head to look over your left shoulder. He’s closer than you expected and you see the tufts of his curls hanging over his forehead come into sight, low and looming. His nose comes into contact with your shoulder and even the slightest touch sets you alight. He scales up the curve of your neck to hide deep within the locks of your hair behind your ear and inhales.

“That fucking perfume,” he whispers softly into your hair. “It’s just as perfect as I remember.”

“Jonathan, we…” you heaved a breath, fighting temptation. “We shouldn’t do this.”

“You have no idea, do you?” He murmurs directly into your ear, his arm coming around to circle your waist and hug you closer to him. “No idea just how much I missed you, how much I regret what I did, and every day I spent not being with you was a reminder of the mistake I made to the point where I thought I would never get to hold you again.”

He renders you speechless when he scrapes away the strands of your hair and mouths at the curve of your neck, humming into your skin. It’s almost the same as before, soft pillowy lips showering you with unreserved passion, except this time they’re followed by the slight scrape of his beard grown in the years you hadn’t seen him. It makes his kisses more exhilarating, stimulating. While your body screams for more, your morals just can’t shake the guilt of betraying your own friend.

“But Mira--”

“Mira knows.”

You detach yourself from his lips to face him, still half-lidded and unfazed by his admission. You’re almost nauseous with the way your heart drops in your chest. “What do you mean she knows?”

Despite your surprise, Jonathan simply tilts his head as he assesses your face in the sheen of the streetlight like he’s seeing you for the first time all over again and doesn’t stop his fingers from intertwining with the short baby hairs at the nape of your neck.

“She had an inkling that there was something going on between us. There was a reason why she brought me up in the conversation earlier in the garden because she knew from the moment she saw the look on your face when you saw me. So I came clean. We decided to be completely honest with each other and we talked for a while.”

“And?”

“Well, she knew your thoughts on me…and it was more than I had ever thought to hear.”

Your cheeks flush angrily, wincing at the thought of Mira revealing every confession told with such a lack of restraint. Back then, telling Mira these things felt like securing all of your secrets into a vault, trusting that they would be safe, trusting that they were secure enough that no one besides you would have access to them. In hindsight, you should’ve perceived her as more of a time capsule, planted, hidden for the time being, and when after enough time passes, they are bound to be found by someone else.

“I know that you hated me for a while - and I did too. I always wondered whether you resented me as much as I did, for a while I thought it wasn’t possible. And while I knew the resentment was one sided, there was a part of me that wished that missing each other wasn’t. I guess I found my answers tonight.”

“Was Mira mad?”

“No, darling,” he grazes his chin over the curve of your shoulder, lips inching closer and closer to your own. “She considered you to be too much of a friend to get in the way and cause you any pain, not after all that you had told her. She knew you would’ve done the same for her.”

“I…I don’t know what to think. It’s all just a mess.”

You turn your head towards the book in your hands, fingers fiddling with the page, while you try to figure out where your loyalties lie. With your head? With your heart? It’s a wonder how the same body can feel two entirely opposing feelings and yet still wonder which one is the right one.

“Maybe…” Jonathan whispers, his hand reaching for the book and sliding it from your grasp, “maybe, you don’t need to think at all. Let me do the thinking for you. Let me show you just how much I’ve missed you, because fuck, as much as I love this dress you have on, I’m much more interested in what’s underneath it.” While one hand pulls you tighter against his chest, his other hand comes to slide down your thigh until curls around your knee, bunching the fabric tight in his fist and pulling it higher and higher. You watch with eager eyes, succumbing to Jonathan’s temptation and letting go of all of your inhibitions. Your eyes grow heavy, wanting to relish the feeling of his fingertips tracing the length of your inner thigh as they gently pull your legs apart, but it’s much more satisfying to watch. Jonathan doesn’t need to watch, not when he can taste the supple skin of your neck.

It’s almost agonising how slow his pace is, how he stalls every couple of seconds to trace circles on your skin and devilishly chuckles when you whimper. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed though, talking about our life’s plan without me.”

Just as his fingers feel the outer rim of your underwear, you tilt your head back to lean against his shoulder with a sinful sigh. Opening your legs just that little bit wider tells Joanthan everything he needs to know. It’s been years. Years since he’s had you like this, so he has every reason not to take it slowly and fuck you like a man starved of your touch, but there’s something in him, perhaps the little devil on his shoulder, that persuades him to take it slowly, to exploit the part of you that has missed him and prove to you that the years spent apart, however painful, was worth the wait.

“Tell me,” he urges, “tell me what you had imagined.”

Call you ignorant but you’re not quite in the talking mood. However, you feel he won’t do a single thing to you unless you do as he asks. “That…that we’d get married in the small church near the vineyard where we grew up. I imagined a quiet house in the suburbs, just us two, at least for a while.”

“Hm, what kind of house?”

“One that wasn’t too big that we’d feel far apart, and not too small that we would get in each other’s way. One with a garage and a garden where our dog could run around.”

“Good,” he praises into your ear. A single digit slips beneath your underwear which instantly gets a feel of your warm, wettening cunt, and you grow impatient. “What else?”

“After a while, we…shit…we’d have our own kids. A boy and a girl. I’d hope they’d have your eyes.”

After doing a few rounds of your entrance, the tip of his finger rests upon your clit, barely moving. Your hips start moving fluidly, all of their own volition but he eases his touch. Instead he gives a gentle tap tap tap, urging you to continue before you can get any more.

The hand that keeps you stable around your middle eventually slithers up to wrap around your neck squeezing with a dizzying pressure.

“Keep going…”

“We’d take an early retirement so that we could grow old together. Taking vacations to places we’d never been to before, being the same couple we were when we were younger.”

“Oh yeah? I love the sound of that. Just as much as I love the sound of those moans you make. Keep singing little siren.” The moan that leaves your lips the minute he nibbles on your lobe is unrecognisable. You haven’t been seduced like this in years and every atom of you is buzzing with anxiety and in your physical form, you can’t sit still. It takes the weight and pressure of Jonathan’s thighs resting either side of your hips to keep you anchored.

His fingers make quick work of building you up, conjuring that deep, guttural feeling of pleasure and desire to stir within you. Even after years, he still knows you so well, still knows what makes you tick and what makes you scream. There isn’t an inch of your neck that Jonathan’s lips haven’t touched; sucking, licking, biting until you’re coloured with bruises.

“Seems like you have it all planned out, darling. But why don’t I tell you how I imagined tonight would go?”

“Please.”

Just as his words flow from his mouth, two fingers slide easily into you and curl into that spot makes your body restless and your lungs heaving. “Just as I did, I’d find you here, confess that there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of you, tell you how I yearned to have the sweet taste of you on my tongue again and the tight squeeze of that cunt around my cock. I’d seduce you every way I knew I could and I’d want you to want it. I’d want you to tell me that you want it and once I knew I had you again, I’d get on my knees, lift up that dress of yours and taste you. Get you nice and wet, ready to take me.”

“Fuck, Jonathan--”

“After years, I thought my patience would get the better of me if I ever had this chance again, but seeing you here like this,” his fingers pick up the pace, drilling into you and filling the room with sacrilegious sounds. “I think I might want to take my time, let each minute that passes reflect what I have been thinking about every day we were apart.”

“Please,” you whisper, growing evermore impatient. It all sounds too good. The more he speaks his feelings into words the more you want it. To have the feeling of him touch you everywhere, to feel him inside you, snug and shaped by him and bringing you to the precipice of losing your mind the way only he could. “I need you, Jonathan, need you now.”

His lips come to your cheek, shaped by a smile of satisfaction. “You will, darling. Soon. I just want to savour this right now.”

His fingers slip from your cunt, trailing all that he’s gathered up the length of your slit to come crashing down onto your clit. While he circles and swirls his fingers, you twist your head to lock eyes with him and even in the cover of darkness, you can still make out the fire that’s burning within him leaving no doubt that he truly wants to ravish you just as he has described. But it isn’t a roaring fire, it’s a slow burning candle, flickering away to slowly dissolve all of what’s left of his patience.

Like instinct, your lips clash together hungrily not sparing a second before your tongues and welding together and tasting the remnants of the red wine you both had earlier. Inexplicably, it tastes sweeter on his palate.

The fingers that curl around your neck tense as if they’re fighting to keep you stable, surging to keep your restlessness at bay and all of this is making you wonder ‘why not just get on with it?’.

You decide to hasten the pace, raising your hips closer to his fingers with the tips of your toes, feeling his cock grind against the small of your back where it should be grinding against your cunt. Though that may be how you truly feel, you make do with his fingers toying with you with his palm flat against your pubic bone to keep you close, once again making you twitch with anticipation and hum with desire. You’re close, so close that with just another lap of his fingers would make you explode.

Holy shit. You’re going to cum. You’re to cum on Jonathan Fucking Levy’s fingers.

“Don’t you think we should maybe close your blinds?” He taunts, suddenly halting all of his movements. “Surely you wouldn’t want the neighbours to see how easily you fall apart for me.”

Jesus. Where did this side of Jonathan come from?

“Um…y-yeah. Close them.” God, it’s starting to take effect on you. When was the last time a man made you stumble over your own words like that?

With a gentle kiss to your cheek, he rises from the bed to leave you attempting to find relief from the friction of your thighs, chasing what you were seconds from having.

When you begin to wonder what takes him so long, you turn to face him staring out of the window, his silhouette blocking the light of the streetlamp that normally floods in through the glass. The fingers that were toying with your cunt seconds ago twitch by his side rubbing together the remnants of your slick, so sensual that it has you biting your bottom lip. Before he closes the curtain he takes those fingers and puts them in his mouth as if he’s just swiped the whipped cream from atop a pudding he’s forbidden to have. But sometimes that’s what makes it all the sweeter.

“Jonathan?” you whisper to pull him from his reverie, your patience waning.

“Coming,” he says gently. “Just taking it all in. You, me…” he snaps the curtains closed and plunges you both into darkness, “your taste on my tongue.”

Slowly and somewhat menacingly he turns around and his shoulders are hunched, his fists are clenched, his breathing is audibly racing. The tone instantly changes when he comes to stand over you, his fingers tilting your chin up to look at him directly. It hooks you in immediately, suddenly feeling the compulsion to do whatever he wants, to go wherever he guides you.

Jonathan’s voice slithers through the air like a snake through the wreaths, worming its way into the valley of your ears so clear and precise. “I know I said I was going to take this slowly and I whole-heartedly intend to follow through with that. But just so you know, I don’t think I can be gentle. Can you allow me that?”

“Yes, Jonathan, yes.”

“Good.”

It amazes you how one short syllable completely changes the aura of the room, how easily Jonathan commands control of the situation because all of a sudden, the gentle traces of his fingertips circling your chin changes to a clawed hand around your neck, drawing you into an all-consuming kiss that’s more powerful than before. Without missing a single beat, he forces you onto your back and hovers over you, caging you in and anchoring his weight down onto your pelvis. It should feel claustrophobic and intrusive, but instead it feels like a sanctuary; warm, safe, secure.

Where it feels like he belongs.

Shivers race up your spine and throw your hands into motion as they cling onto his shirt, luring him even closer until the beat of his heart is pounding against yours. Not only that, but you can feel his hips thrusting into yours, grinding his contained cock against your heat and it elicits a moan from both of you. With a sudden rush of adrenaline, he races to undo his belt, pulling himself free and you almost squeal with the anticipation of knowing how well he can undo you with one swift thrust. But like Jonathan promised, he isn’t going to rush this. He slowly peels off your underwear until you are well and truly exposed.

Not without a few pumps of his fist, he lines himself up and anchors you down, teasing your entrance with the head of his leaking cock, giving you a taster of what’s to come.

“You drive me fucking insane,” he grumbles into your mouth. “Always have, always will.”

“Please stop talking.”

“Or what, huh?” he chuckles. He takes the head of his cock and batters it against your swollen clit. Deliberately, you guess, to render you speechless. And it works, the snide quip hot on your lips quickly loses all conviction and you’re back to moans and whimpers. “‘S what I thought. You and I both know how much we want this. How much we’ve missed this.”

This time you take the chance to bite back before he robs you of it. “Well get on with it, then.”

Now driven, he snags your bottom lip with his teeth dragging it out until it’s released with a pop. “Fine.”

Giving you a final taste of his lips, he comes to a stand taking your legs with him with a mighty pull until your hips lie just over the precipice of the bed. He hugs your legs to his chest, his cock lining up with your exposed cunt perfectly and with powerful thrust, he sinks deep into you. All of the air punches out of your lungs in a single beat and you claw at the bed sheets while you fight for your breath back. You’re momentarily debilitated while you acclimate to his size, filling you so effortlessly. Despite being slightly uncomfortable, it’s a welcome intrusion and you’re thankful that he gives you a minute.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Holy fuck.”

Not a moment later, he pulls his hips back, completely withdrawing and just when you think you’ve got your breath back he charges into you again, snapping his hips against your ass and sending aftershocks up the length of your body. It’s a motion he repeats over and over again, giving you that pleasurable feeling of being so full of him as he grinds into you all to be taken away within a moment leaving utterly empty. You have just enough awareness to listen out for the staccato notes of his hips slapping against yours followed by your sheepish sobs.

It’s insatiable. He never changes pace and the power of his thrusts never falters. He certainly doesn’t allude to breaking his promise of rushing things and frustratingly so, continues his slow rampage, finding pleasure in that little sweet spot where the swollen ridge of his cock drags from your cunt. It’s enough to get you going, but not enough to finish you off.

“I need more,” you beg between breaths. “Please.”

Jonathan doesn’t respond, and instead waits until the cheeks of your ass are red raw from his poundings (which feels like a lifetime) and only then, does he take a new approach. Your legs swing apart, forced wide open by his greedy hands and you’re left to watch with bated breath as he drops to his knees and devours you.

“Fuck, Jonathan!”

“Mm, that’s right, baby, say my name.”

“Jonath--fuck!” His mouth completely consumes every inch of your cunt, lavishing the taste of you with his tongue from deep within you to the tip of your clit. Amongst the buzzes of his hum, the soft scrape of his beard, and the crescent-moon marks pressing into your waist, your back arches as desire slowly morphs into a desperate pain, needing to give his hot mouth more access to your cunt if it was at all possible. And just when you think you are ready to give in, he steals the moment from you. With two fingers, he slots them easily into you and starts working your pussy at a torturous pace.

“Look how soaked you are.” His lips brush against your clit as he speaks, a depraved grunt rolling from the back of his throat.

“I’m gonna cum.”

“Do it. I want it. I wanna taste you. I want you.”

Your heart grows, a small smile appearing on your lips. The warmth of affection stills you momentarily to appreciate how you have your old love back, the man you could never really get over, that all those years of waiting and wanting are over. You don’t know what it was about the sudden softness and love-drunkenness that washed through you, but God, he was stunning. Everything about him was annoyingly perfect. Stupidly, annoyingly perfect. Yet, here he was, lavishing you as if you were an elixir of life.

Your fingers itch to race through his locks to pull him closer, tempted to never let him go. Through his dark lashes, his lust-heavy eyes find yours as if he knew what you were insinuating.

“Don’t worry, baby, I’m never leaving. Let go for me.”

You didn’t need to be told again. With the final swipe of his tongue across your clit, you internal combust, your entire body folding into itself with Jonathan trapped between your thighs.

----

You and Jonathan spent the night catching up on all the years you spent apart, sharing orgasm after orgasm until you were completely and utterly spent. Despite only having just a few hours of sleep, you awoke early in the morning, just in time to see the sun rise over the peak of your neighbours’ houses. All is calm in the street aside from the few birds tweeting in Mira’s tree and Jonathan’s steady breathing beside you. The tranquil, blissful few moments of consciousness fills you with a sense of rejuvenation from all that has happened within the last 24 hours. If it hadn’t been for Mira’s approval beforehand, you would be drowning in guilt. You make a mental reminder to talk to her and apologise later.

You roll over on your side of the bed to find Jonathan sleeping peacefully beside you, his hand tucked under his chin like it always did when he was deep in slumber and you quirk a smile when you realise that nothing’s changed. With a delicate finger, you sweep away the curl resting against his forehead, careful not to wake him but yet he still stirs, readjusting himself subconsciously. Though not fully awake, he reaches out for you as if it was instinct and little do you know, it is. Every morning since you split, Jonathan had always reached out for you to find nothing but empty cold space on the other side of his bed and it was a sad reality he couldn’t quite accept. But now, when his fingertips feel the warmth of your skin against his, he doesn’t hesitate to lure you into his embrace to relish the lingering scent of your perfume, the slow beating of your heart, the little content hum singing from your throat. You’re here. You’re real. And he’s certain to never lose you again.

In his drowsy state, he puckers his lips in a timid kiss to the surface of your forehead.

“Love you,” he quietly murmurs.

With a breathy laugh, you return his kiss, whispering the same words against his bare chest directly over his heart.

I love you too, Jonathan Fucking Levy.

#oscar isaac #oscar isaac smut #jonathan levy #jonathan levy smut #oscar isaac characters #scenes from a marriage #jonathan levy x reader #jonathan levy x you #fluff #angst #oscar isaac fic #jonathan levy fic #old love new dream #moon knight

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samandcolbyownme · 3 months

Note

We need more demon!Colby or vampire!Sam 👀

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, swearing, demon!colby, talk of death/dying, kind of a dark aesthetic, talk of demons, angels, etc. demonic attachment?, compulsion, mentions of police, kissing, hair pulling, choking, biting, scratching, unprotected sex, oral (f rec), filth - please read with care 🖤

With the way I wrote it, the reader is hinted at being bisexual - if you have an issue with that, please just move on. No hate or rude comments will be tolerated,

Word Count: 5.4k | Unedited

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

You walked into your apartment, saddened by yet another break up.

You never had issues with dating before. You never had any issues keeping anyone’s attention. But, for the last few months, you’ve been noticing a trend.

You meet a guy, or girl, and it’s going well for the first few days, sometime a few weeks, and then you’re back to square one because you felt like you needed to break things off, or they just said it wasn’t going to work out.

There’s never any clear reasoning either. It’s always the, it’s not you it’s me, I promise, and then you both go your separate ways.

You made your way to your bed, ripping the covers forward so you can climb in and pull them up over your body.

You sniffle, allowing the thoughts to take over completely.

Am I boring? Why does this keep happening? Am I annoying? Do I talk too much? Bad breath? Did I say the wrong thing? Am I not pretty enough? What’s wrong with me?

You let out a sigh, begging for the thoughts to just shut up, and eventually they do, you start to feel more relaxed, and eventually you fall asleep.

—

Colby stood over the woman’s sleeping body for hours, keeping her dreams on the happy side as he manipulates himself into it. He tilts his head, watching you as a small smile spreads across your closed lips.

“Just relax, my love. You’re going to be fine.”

Your phone buzzing in your sweatshirt pocket wakes you up. It takes a few seconds to register what’s happening as you roll over and rub your eyes, but eventually you pull your phone out, “Hello?”

“Where are you right now?” Your closest friend, Brooke, practically yells into the phone, “Are you home?”

You keep your eyes closed, still half a sleep as you mumble, “M’home. Sleeping.”

“Do you have someone there with you?”

Your eyes snap open and you sit up, “What did you just say?” You reach over, turning your bedside lamp on and you look around as she speaks, “I’m going to take that as a no, so just stay where you are. I’m on my way up, I’m going to call the police.”

She hangs up before you can say anything else and you’re left in silence, your heart racing faster at the thought of someone being in your apartment without your knowledge.

A few minutes later, your phone lights up and you instantly answer, “What did they say?”

“They’re sending a unit over, probably a few minutes. I’m unlocking your door now.”

You kick the blankets off, walking over to your door. You look out, watching as Brooke makes her way through and you hang up, “What exactly did you see?”

“Okay, so you know how you can see the parking lot from your bedroom window?”

You nod and she raises her brows, “Well I pulled in, and I seen like this shadow figure behind your curtain, and it was a lot bigger than you would be if you stood there. By the time I went to get a picture or a video, it was gone.”

“How many times did you call me?” You pull your phone up, going to the call log, “I woke up on the third call, but you’d think I’d wake up? I’m a light sleeper.”

“No I know, which is why this is so fucking weird.” She sighs, jumping when there’s a knock on the door, “Police.”

You sigh, “Okay, we’ll just let them do a sweep.” You walk over, opening the door to reveal two officers. The blonde one nods, “We’re here about a possible break in? I’m officer Golbach and this is Officer Webber.”

“Yes, I called. I’m Brooke, this is y/n.”

They walk in and Golbach turns towards you while Webber walks around the space, “What exactly happened?”

“We had plans for a dinner and movie night, so I come over and when I looked up at her apartment, because you can see it from the parking lot, I seen this tall, probably, almost six foot figure in the window.”

“What time was that?” Golbach asks, “Did, ah, it move or anything? Walk away, turn? Anything?” He adds as he writes down what Brooke is saying, “Probably about Seven, seven thirty? And No.” She shakes her head, “It was just standing there still, and when I went to take a picture. It was gone.”

“You’re the one who lives here correct?” He points to you and you nod, “Yes, I do.”

“Okay, and what were you doing while all of this took place?” Golbach asks and Webber comes out of your spare room, “It’s clear. No sign of forced entry on any of the windows by the fire escape.”

“I was asleep.” You state, “I woke up to my phone buzzing in my hoodie pocket.”

“Okay.” He nods and continues jotting stuff down, “Are you a light sleeper?”

You nod, “Yeah, you can ask Brooke. I wake up with the slightest noises. I hate it.” You look over at her, “Did you look at the right window?”

“Did I look- yeah, I know which windows are yours, y/n.” She sighs, “Also, how in the hell are you so calm right now!?”

You didn’t realize it, but you were way calmer than anyone else would probably be in a situation like this, especially with it being your apartment.

But it is weird because you would normally freak out just thinking about something like this happening.

“I don’t know.” You shrug, “I’ve had a day, okay. I-I just got broken up with for no reason, again. I came home after sitting in the parking lot of the convenience store down the street for an hour eating ice cream, and then I came home and went right to sleep.”

You were blowing off steam, and Brooke knew that.

“It doesn’t sound like it, but I have to ask. You don’t think this person should broke up with you would come here, do you?” Golbach raises his brows as you sigh, “No. They seem to not want anything to do with me, so.”

You see Brooke’s face fall, “Y/n.”

“Like I said, there’s no sign of forced entry. Did you lock your door when you got home?”

“It locks automatically each time it closes.”

Webber nods at your words, “You’re staying here tonight, right?” He looks to Brooke and she shrugs, “Do you think it’s safe to stay here, tonight?”

He nods, “I’ll go down and check the cameras in the office, but I’d say you two gal’s will be alright.” He makes his way over to the door, checking the lock, “You didn’t pass anyone on your way up or down the steps did you?”

Brooke shakes her head, “It was just me when I came up.”

“Okay.” Webber leaves and you look back to the blonde officer, “This is my card.” He hands you a white rectangle, “I’ll do a few drive-by’s tonight, I’m on the clock until six a.m., call if you need anything.”

You nod, “Thank you for coming. I appreciate it really.”

He nods, “Not a problem, now I just need a few more things from both of you, and the. We’ll be out of your hair.

You answer the questions, full name, social, date of birth, etc., same with Brooke.

By the time you’re finished, Webber comes back up, “Cameras were clear. There was no one on this floor, even after you got home.”

“Maybe you just got unlucky with a haunted apartment?” Brooke laughs slightly and you roll your eyes, “Yeah, just my fuckin’ luck.”

——

A while after the officers left, you were sitting on the couch, moving on to your third movie when you hear this light whisper.

You look over at Brooke, “Did you say something?”

She looks over at you, shaking her head, “No. I’ve been waiting the tv.” She points with her finger and you nod, “Oh, okay.”

“Why?”

You shake your head, “I thought you said something. It must be on the tv.” You check your phone, letting out a sigh, “I think I’m -“

“No. You’re not going to bed.”

“Why not?” You whine, “I’m tired.”

“No. You’re avoiding talking about what happened with Jace.” Brooke sits up, “I gave you time, now talk.”

You sit up, moving your blanket to cover your legs more, “He said, and I quote, it’s not you, I’m just not feeling like I need a relationship right now, end quote.”

Brooke nods, “And how does that make you feel?”

You laugh slightly, shaking your head. Your mood changes, “I don’t know what happened, Brooke.” You look over at her, “I never had this happen before. It’s like.. the universe is trying to keep me unhappy. Or something I don’t-“

She tilts her head, “I think you need to focus on yourself. Do you really need a boyfriend anyway?”

“It would be nice to not have to come home every night, alone. You at least have Liz, speaking of. Where is she?”

“She got stuck at work, they didn’t have enough people to cover third so she got mandated to stay.” She rolls her eyes, “But anyway. I think you need to take a little you time, focus on whatever it is that you need to focus on, and come back better than ever.”

You nod, chewing on your cheek. After a few minutes of nothing but the tv in the background, you take a deep breath, your voice quiet, “Maybe.. I’m just too fucking complicated for anyone to love.”

“No, y/n. That’s not true.” She moves closer, “not even close.” She turns towards you, “Probably unprofessional on his part, but you should go for officer Golbach.”

“No.” You shake your head, “Wait. Didn’t you just tell me to-“

“Shh, we’re starting over.” She laughs, “I seen the way he cared for you more than he would anyone else.”

“You don’t know that.” You shake your head, your stomach slowly turning at the thought of even thinking of the officer.

“I’m telling you.. fuck what I said before, give it one last try.” She leans in, “He’s an officer, y/n.”

You feel like you could puke, “Stop.”

“What? Does thinking about him ma-“ She stops talking as you rise to your feet, “I’m going to bed. You can stay, but I’m just..” you sigh, “I need to be unconscious for a few hours.”

She raises her hands, “I’ll be out here if you need me.”

You give her a nod, “Sorry I’m ju-“

“You don’t need to apologize, y/n. I overstepped.” She sighs, “You deserve happiness, and I promise we’ll get you to it.”

“Thank you.” You smile and head for your bedroom, stopping when you smell something vaguely familiar - Sandalwood vanilla.

“Do you smell that?” You look back at Brooke and she tilts her head, “Smell what?” You shake your head, “Nothing. Goodnight.”

“Night.” She calls from the couch as you close your door. You stand there for a second before turning around to get into bed.

You let out a sigh as you nestle your head onto the pillow, staring over at the wall that’s lit up by the full moon.

You roll over, staring out the window at the sky, just wishing you’d be able to fall asleep, and your wish was granted.

—

His hand runs through your hair, calming every vibrating nerve in your body, “I’m here, my love.” You kept your eyes closed, letting out a sigh, “I love you.”

Your eyes open, meeting bright blue ones. A deepish voice follows, “I love you. I will go to the deepest depth of hell and back for you.”

His lips press to yours and quickly move down your neck, biting and nipping your skin, which causes you to whimper out.

“Louder, my love. I want you to be louder.”

You comply, moaning out louder when you feel a hand slide down your body to stop between your parted thighs. His fingers drag up and down your folds, fingers circling your desperate opening, “P-please.”

“Please what, my love?” His fingers slowly push in and you gasp-

Awake.

You sit up, looking around as if someone was actually there with you, but maybe it was just a dream, right?

You sigh, getting out of bed to walk out to the living room where Brooke is no where to be found. You furrow your brows, looking around for your phone to see if she texted you.

Liz got off early, heading home. Call me when you wake up.

You scroll down on your notifications and see a text from an unknown number, Just figured I’d check in. Any more disturbances at your place? It’s Sam by the way Golbach, officer Golbach.

You smirk slightly at the obviously nervous, text and click it, Nothing to report, sadly.

You sit down, seeing the bubbles immediately pop up then disappear, Sadly?

You lean back, biting down on your lip as you think about what Brooke said to you, but then you suddenly feel like this is wrong.

Not wrong as in flirting with the law, but wrong in the, I don’t belong to this person, kind of way.

You let out a sigh, “Fuck!” You throw your phone over your shoulder, absolutely sick of feeling like you… well, you didn’t know how you felt, exactly, but your interest changes when you don’t hear the clatter of it hitting the floor.

“You shouldn’t throw things that are important.”

You stand up, whipping around as you immediately start backing away. Your voice is gone, banished with fear as the figure that spoke walks towards you, phone in his beautiful, ring clad hand.

His voice rings in your head without him moving his lips, “You know me. I’m not going to hurt you, my love.”

“W-who-“

“We’ll get to that. But right now, I’m going to need you to tell Sam, that you’re a little busy right now.” He speaks and hands you back your phone.

A chill goes down your spine as your fingers brush against his to take it, and you begin typing, I’m a little busy right now.

“Good girl.” The man speaks, reaching up to run his thumb over your bottom lip, “I have been waiting ever so patiently to meet you.”

“Who are you?” Your voice is low, but you don’t shy away from his touch as his fingers gently brush over your cheek to push hair behind your ear, “I’m just Colby to you.”

“Colby.” You repeat and his hand pulls you closer to him, “Yes. You know me.”

“How.” You furrow your brows and he gives you as second to think, but you shake your head, “I don’t-“

Colby reaches up, cupping your cheeks with his hands as he stares into your eyes, “Think.”

Suddenly, Colby floods your brain with all the times you’ve seen him.

You’re sitting on the beach, fishnets ripped and a cigarette between your fingers. You turn your head slightly at the sound of a voice, “You know, there’s no smoking on the beach, right?” You scoff, watching the ashes fly down to kiss the sand, “What are you, beach patrol?” You laugh slightly and stop when he moves to sit next to you, “Beach patrol would be a lot easier for you to believe, my love.”

—

“I’m actually meeting somebody, so I’ll just take a wine while I wait.” You smile at the bartender and she nods, “One red, coming up.” You let out a sigh as you look around, waiting for Seth to appear. After some time, you decide to text him, but to your surprise, he’s not coming.

“This seat taken?”

You look up, smiling at Colby, “Actually.. no.”

—

“What do you mean that it isn’t me? That is the most..” you scoff, “Just tell me. Did you find someone better? Am I.. am I.. fuck, Nathan, just-“

“I just don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t know what more you want. I would love to like you, but I just.. we aren’t compatible, y/n. I’m sorry.”

You watch as Nathan leaves your apartment, tears falling as soon as the door shuts. You walk over to your window, jumping back with a loud gasp as a crow lands on the sill, but you suddenly felt better.

—

“Those were only a few times, I’ve been around a while.” Colby’s hand slides back, his palm flat on your cheek, “Are you scared?”

You stare up at him, “I.. don’t even know what’s real anymore.” You shake your head, “You’re not..”

“Go on, my love. Say it.”

“Why don’t I remember ever seeing you?” You ask but Colby makes you look at him, “One thing at a time, sweetheart. Please.”

It takes you a few seconds to even muster up the means to allow the words to roll off your tongue, “You’re not human.. but-“ you slide your hand up his arm, “You feel human.”

Click.

“Wait. You.. you were there after every breakup I had.” You step back, “Nathan, Seth, Taylor, Francesca, I-“ you bring your hand up to lay on your forehead, breathing heavy as you feel like you are about to pass out, “The crow.. I-“

“Shh, hey.” Colby moves to you, wrapping his arms around your body as your head rests on his chest.

You feel calm.

Like this is where you belong.

“Do you remember what I told you in your dream yesterday afternoon?” Colby asks, “I told you that you’re going to be just fine.”

He tilts your chin up, “I mean that.”

A knock on your door causes you to jump, and Colby’s grip tightens, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Y/n, it’s officer Golbach. Just doing a check in.”

“I can g-“

“No, I’ll handle this.” Colby walks you over to the couch, “Sit.” You plop down, watching as he walks over to the door and opens it.

Sam doesn’t say anything, he just stares at Colby, nodding his head, but you don’t hear anything. Sam turns and walks away, leaving without any kind of fuss.

“What did-“

“I just told him that he needed to come back at another time.” Colby walks over and sits next to you, “I need your full attention, my love.”

“You can make me do anything, can’t you?” You keep your stare on him, “Is that what yo-“

“No. Y/n, okay. The only thing that I have made you do, is text officer dingdong, and break up with that asshole loser, who we both know would have only ruined your life.”

You raise your brows, knowing he was talking about Mitchel, who now has a bad rap with things you didn’t need, “Yeah. Thanks for that one I guess.”

“Oh, and your dreams. But other than those three things, my focus is on keeping you for myself.”

“Why me?”

“What do you mean by, why me? Look at yourself, y/n. You are beautiful.” He moves closer and shift towards you, “I would never make you do anything you wouldn’t ever want to do.”

“My dreams.. you.. last night..” you swallow as you think about the sex dream with him, and he nods, “There’s others.. but I figured I’d just give you the less detailed one to test the waters, you know?”

“But why?” You stand up and Colby reaches for you but you turn, walking away, only for him to appear right in front of you, “Don’t shy away from me.”

You step back, looking up at him, “None of this, is making any sense to me, Colby.”

“Because I love you.”

“You don’t e-“

“Yes I do, y/n. I know you more than you know yourself. Considering I’m a demon and all, I know that there are devilish thoughts in the minds of the most angelic, and y/n..” he steps towards you, his hands moving to your cheeks, “I know that you have some wicked desires..”

His eyes move from your lips to your eyes, “So, let me ruin you.”

“Colby I-“ You shake your head, “Can you just.. I don’t know what you do, but just.. I need a second.”

He nods and by the time you blink, he’s gone with a slight feeling of regret settling in your stomach, but you push it away as you sit back down, face in your hands as you try and figure out what exactly it is you need to figure out.

——

Colby was gone for a two or so. You were on edge, trying to figure out if he was in your apartment or not, in the walls. In your head.

You were jumpy, nervous, but above all, turned on.

Evil, above all, is truly seductive, and you found yourself missing a part of Colby, but then again, you were also second guessing everything you thought, felt, or heard.

“Am I able to see you?”

You look around, letting out a sigh, “Yes.”

Colby sits down next to you, “How do you feel?”

“Don’t you already know?” You avoid looking at him, but you feel like you need to, so you do. His eye lock with yours and he takes a small inhale, “I need..”

He stops and you turn towards him, “Colby?”

“You’re going to freak out. I can already see it.” He laughs weakly, “I’m in line to rule the underworld, but I can’t do that if I-“

“No.” You instantly stand up, backing away from him, “I don’t-“ you feel tears in your eyes, “I don’t want to die.”

He’s instantly behind you, arms around your body and that calm feeling settles in, but it’s only for a moment and you push him away, “No. no. No.”

Colby stands there, eyes on you as you pace, “Why? Why me? Out of all the people in the world, you just had to come and fuck up my life?”

He remains silent as you continue your ranting, “I have so much to live for. I can’t just- what would I tell my parents my best friend, I-“ you stop, taking a deep breath, “Can’t it be anyone else?”

You look up at him and he shakes his head, “I’ve already left my mark on you.”

“Mark? On me?” Your hands start to feel your own body but Colby walks over, “Not a physical mark, sweetheart. The others just know to leave you alone.”

“There’s others?” You scoff, “Of course there is.”

“Y/n, my love.”

“Why do you call me that? Seriously, I just..” you shake your head, covering your hands as you groan into them.

There was this strange entity standing in your living room, a stranger. But in reality, you knew him just as well as he knew you, you just needed a slight nudge to know that.

“I chose you because you’re just so..” he presses his lips together, gently reaching up to brush your hair from your face, “You.”

“Yeah because that explains it.” You roll your eyes and Colby clenches his jaw, “You know me. I know you. Say the word and I’ll prove it.”

“Prove it.” You shrug and he nods, taking your cheeks between his hands as rests his forehead against yours, “Close your eyes.”

You close your eyes and the memory of you and Colby at dinner one night replays in your mind.

He shows you sitting across from Colby at The Whiskey Well, having dinner and talking about anything and everything. That eventually led into Colby telling you about his, what you didn’t know at the time, human life.

You swore you fell in love that night.

“Did you?” Colby asks as he moves his head back slightly.

“Did I what?” You ask, knowing damn well why he asked. He tilts his head and you nod, “Yeah, but then you made me forget, so what’s it matter?”

“It matters because I need you.”

“Well I don’t need you, so..” you step back, “How do I break this.. I don’t even know, curse?”

“I’m not here to make your life hell, y/n.”

“That seems to be exactly what you’re doing, Colby.” You chew on your cheek, “Did you mess with my dreams again while you were-“ you air quote, “Gone?”

He shrugs, “Only the second night. The rest was you.”

You couldn’t lie, going from knowing that he’s always been there, to knowing he wasn’t there at all, hurt. It felt like a piece of you was missing, like you lost your security blanket or something.

“I’m not here to hurt you, unless you want me to.” A smirk twitches on his lips and you shake your head. Colby scoffs, “You may look like an angel, but I know that there’s a fire deep inside that pretty little body of yours.”

His words caused a chill of excitement to shimmy down your spine, “You know.. I thought for so long that the universe was so ugly for being against me..”

Colby tilts his head and you lock eyes, “But in reality it’s a gorgeous looking demon with a bit of an obsession problem.”

He cocks his jaw, nodding his head as he chuckles, “I mean what can I say? You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.”

You smile, looking down as your mind begins to race again. Colby walks over, lifting your chin, “Don’t do that to yourself. If you want answers, ask.”

You take a deep breath in through your nose, “I hate this. I hate the thought of having to lea-“ you stop, taking in a shaky breath.

“There’s ways around it, y/n.”

“I hate this. I hate even thinking about it.” You avoid looking at him, mainly because there’s more to it, and you know he’d get you to say it regardless.

“I just hate..” you look up, “That I fell in love with the way you touched me, without even using your hands.”

He licks his lips, smirking as he tilts his head, “So what? Are you saying yes?”

You chew on your lip, swallowing before you take a breath, “I need to know what it feels like when you do actually touch me.”

You walk over to him, hands sliding up his chest, “Are you controlling me?”

He shakes his head as his hands slide to your hips, “This is all you, my love.” He pulls you in, lips on yours and you instantly need more. You fist his shirt, pulling him closer as you whimper, “Please.”

“You have the control now, baby.” Colby whispers, lips trailing down your neck, “As I said, I will go to the deepest depths of hell to make you happy. I will be your sickening desire. I am yours, and you are mine.”

His words are low as he bites down on your skin, “Mine.”

He lifts you up, arm around your waist as his lips find yours, “Mine.”

He takes you to your bedroom, laying you down on the bed, “Whatever you want. Whatever you need.” He whispers, pushing up your shirt so he can kiss your stomach, “I’ll get it for you.”

“I-I-“ you gasp as he pulls down your sweats, “no more making me do anything.”

He nods as he looks up at you, “Anything you want, baby.” He kisses back up your body, “I promise. You’re the only body I need. Your souls was meant to be mine.”

He moves his way in between your legs, “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to get my hands on you.”

“How are you real?” Your hands slide up his shoulders and rest against his neck, “Like I-“

“This is the body I died with, but trust and believe I can be anything I want to be.” Colby leans back, his eyes staring into yours, “But I just want to be everything you want and need.” His lips are on yours again, “Every inch of my darkened being aches for you.”

You whimper, hooking your legs around his waist, “I want to feel you. I need to feel you.”

He nods as he stands up, “Undress for me.”

Your eyes are on each other as you finish taking off the rest of your clothes, “You’ve seen me before, haven’t you?”

He nods, “But it still doesn’t compare to this moment right here.” He moves onto you, hips resting between your thighs as he slowly guides his cock into you without warning.

You gasp, throwing your head back as your nails dig into his shoulders and chest, “Fuck, fuck.” You moan loudly, chest rising and falling quickly as you feel yourself stretching to accommodate his cock, “Fuck you feel so good.”

“Words can’t even explain how you’re making me feel right now, baby.” Colby groans lowly, his hand sliding up to cup your throat.

You play your hand on his, urging him to squeeze, “You know me well enough. Just do it.”

His eyes darken and his thrusts are instantly punishing, ripping loud moans and pleasured screams before his hand cuts off all sound from your throat, “You sound even prettier than you look, my love.”

He groans, sliding a hand down to grip the outside of your thigh, “Do you like that?”

He looses a his grip just enough for a slight, “yes” to squeak out and he smirks, “Of course you do.” His lips crash onto yours and he groans into your mouth, “I fucking love you.”

Your back arches as he keeps your neck pinned to the bed, your cheeks start to heat up and you feel the tingling settling in as your vision starts to fade out, but all you focused on was Colby.

He lets go and you gasp out, “I love you.”

He stops, staring down at you, “You mean that.”

You nod and he shakes his head, “No, I mean. I can feel how much you mean that.” His thrusts resume, but they’re slower, “Fuck, you’re going to make the best Queen.”

Your heart skips a beat, but you’re not scared.

“I trust you.” You swallow, pulling him in to kiss, “This feels right.”

“I promise. I will take care of you.” Colby shakes his head, “Fuck, you’re the most important thing to me. The best thing I’ve ever got to touch, smell, taste.”

He pulls out, quickly moving down your body to throw your legs over his shoulders. His tongue immediately pushes between your folds and your hand flies to the back of his head, “Colby!”

He groans against you, gripping your hips roughly as he pins you down.

Your vision goes blurry as you arch your back, coming undone quickly with just the tip of his tongue, “f-fuck, fuckfuckfuck!”

“That’s it baby. Let it all go.”

Colby’s tongue guides you through your high, collecting every drop of your precious arousal before he kisses back up your body, “So fucking delicious.”

He pulls you on top of him, rolling onto his back as you straddling his waist to sink back down onto his cock with a loud moan.

You knew you were going to be littered with fingertip shape bruised, but that made everything hotter.

“That’s it.” Colby breathes out, “Fuck, just like that, my love. Look at you.” His eyes scan up your body to meet yours.

His hands slide up and down your thighs as you bounce, moaning louder and louder as you feel yourself coming closer to another orgasm.

Colby interlocks his hands with yours, bucking his hips upward and you squeeze his hands to hold yourself steady, “S-so close. Don’t stop, don’t stop!”

You throw your head back, screaming out as you feel yourself cum once more. Colby let’s go of your hands, sitting up to lay you back. His thrusts resume, guiding you through your high.

His thrusts come to a slow stop and he pulls out before laying next to you, “Brooke is going to be here any second.”

“She didn’t tell me she was-“

“Y/n? You home?”

You look over at Colby and let out a sigh before answering her, “Be out in a second.”

“Hurry up! I have to tell you something!” She yells back and you look at Colby, “You’ll come back right?”

“My love, I never leave.”

——

Thank you so much for being patient. I hope this is up to par and as always, I love you, and I will see you in the next one! 🖤🖤🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

#samandcolby-ownme #Colby Brock #Colby Brock x reader #Colby Brock smut #demon!colby x reader #demon!colby brock #demon colby #demon!colby #demon Colby Brock x reader #demon!colby Brock smut #demon!colby Brock one shot #smut #fluff #dark aesthetic

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oathkeeperoxas · 3 months

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TOP GUN / Icemav fic recs part 8

There have been a LOT of good icemav fics posted this year - please check out some of the ones below which I've particularly enjoyed!

Rec list 1 here

Rec list 2 here

Rec list 3 here

Rec list 4 here

Rec list 5 here

Rec list 6 here

Rec list 7 here

Easy By Your Side by @wordsonamission

Written for Top Gun Ace Week! Day One - Micro labels (demisexuality) - "Promise me you'll wait for me" Maverick invites Iceman to spend their leave together in a cottage on the coast. Ice accepts, but isn't sure how to handle the fact that he's starting to develop romantic feelings about Maverick. He's never seen any indication that Maverick is interested in him beyond friendship. As they bond over seafood and grocery shopping, Ice finds his feelings growing.

Ice telling Mav about his boundaries, and Mav letting Ice come to him on his own terms is so very sweet and good. I love how the author portrays the care and understanding they have for each other!!

Apoptosis by @flyingfightingfishy

When aviators cause problems, they're designated apop, assigned missions designed to be deadly. Sometimes it's a strike mission, sometimes they're protecting other assets that the navy wants to be sure come home. Mav has been designated apop almost since the beginning. Ice is flying a mission that the navy deems worthy of protection.

Oh my GOD the worldbuilding and character dynamics in this slap so hard, I love the set up and how both Ice and Mav are written. The author places them in this sidestepped world so perfectly it feels like the fic is far longer than it really is. Such a treat!

give me mercy no more by @eighteaseven

They’re both twice as old now as they were when they started this, as both of their joints can certainly attest. But these aches make Ice’s willingness to kneel for him all the more humbling.

🫠 well what can I even say. The author GETS Ice, and writes Ice and Mav being so very in love with each other and giving each other what they need!!! The fact that they're older and experienced and still want each other and want to please each other makes the rest of this fic even better, which really is saying something considering how good it already is.

the further on the edge, the hotter the intensity by StoriesofmyLife

Maverick wonders if it's always going to be like this--this burning want under his skin, the total awareness his body seems to have of Ice. The surge of want that always seems to grip him, even at the most inappropriate of times. He wonders if he's ever going to be able to be around Ice and function like a human being. Thankfully, Ice seems to have the same problem as Maverick. Or--Five times Maverick and Ice have sex in places they totally weren't planning to.

I really enjoy the character dynamics in this, not only between Ice and Mav but the other people who they're interacting with as well. The last few chapters are especially good!

the well traveled road to you by @icemav86

“You said we’re dating?” Maverick asks, eventually, incredulous, with no indication of whether or not he’s willing to help Ice. After Ice’s divorce, he tells a harmless white lie to get his kids off his back. Turns out it’s not that simple.

Saturn has such as way of putting Ice and Mav in situations that I utterly love - the writing is very good, and nails their characterisations perfectly!

magic in your fingertips (love is a wild thing) by @whatiwouldnotgive

Maverick’s never been good at saying. At the talking about things. He always prefers action to words. Carole laughed about it when he offered to fix up her junker of a pick up truck with fondness in her eyes, and Goose never mentions it at all. Just smiles at him whenever Mav brings home his favorite dinner, or lets Mav pick out the movie they watch for the night. Ice is somehow worse.

I love the banter here, between Ice and Mav but also when Goose and Slider make their appearances. The summer romance vibes here are immaculate honestly, the get together is just soooo perfect. Melting the iceman's heart indeed!!

Don’t Read the Last Page (But I Stay) by @rabbit-factory

“Thank you, Lieutenant Commander Mitchell,” Ice drawled, disdain rich in his voice. “The day you become in charge of my promotions I’ll do whatever idiotic tasks you’d like me to do with a smile. But until then.” “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Maverick leered, and actually managed to startle a laugh out of Ice. It warmed him, with sense of nearly possessive joy, that he was the one who got to tease this man, pull the laughter out of him when he was most frustrated. That was his to do, his responsibility, and no one else’s. *** A look at Ice and Maverick’s relationship, over ten holidays.

So sweet and good!! I love the reunion here, and how Ice and Mav play off each other over the years as their relationship develops and grows <3

face on a lover with a fire in his heart by @enthyrea

Stepping up on his toes, Maverick throws the scarf around the back of Ice’s neck, wrapping it snugly around and making sure the ends are even on both sides of Ice’s chest. Mav’s hands briefly brush over Ice’s jawline, and they’re so warm it makes him dizzy. To make matters worse, Maverick then shucks off his bomber jacket, throwing it over Ice’s shoulders and bringing it close to his chest. The inside of the jacket is toasty, and it smells like Mav. “Are you sure?” Is all Ice can say. Mav smiles up at him, the snow decorating his dark hair like glitter. “Of course. It looks good on you anyways.” He says, with an indecipherable wink. AKA, Ice and Mav get caught in a blizzard on their way to Slider's for Christmas. Ice tries to deal with his feelings for Mav while trying not to freeze to death.

So cute and good and warm - the perfect winter tale. And there's even art!!

feel my body rock (every time you call my name) by @iceman-maverick

Maverick’s got that look on his face now. The one that sets off every alarm in Ice’s mind. But there’s no tower to buzz here, it’s just Ice and Maverick and everything between them. “It does feel better.” Mav smirks at him, “You know, the omega way,” “How could you possibly know that?” Ice snaps. He feels a familiar pressure building between his thighs and absolutely the fuck not. Ice abruptly turns to walk the other way back towards the mess. Fuck it, he’ll take the scenic route before he lets Maverick scent him like this. “Rave reviews,” Maverick laughs - not unkindly though, it’s always warmth coming from Maverick these days - as Ice tries to escape with what little dignity he has left. Fucking alphas.

Biting and chewing this one!! Ice self exploration with omega Ice! Worldbuilding and omegaverse in the Navy! Mav standing up for Ice, but also Ice standing up for himself!! Plus the flirting at the end, hmm so good

Any Change in Time by @icezansky

After the Enterprise, they came home and took up their posts at Top Gun, this time as instructors, and didn’t speak of it again. They spent their days in the classroom or in the air, and their evenings side by side at the O Club or on one another’s couch. And then Viper introduced Tom to his daughter, Sarah, and she was kind and lovely with a spitfire attitude that reminded him of someone else. She took up his evenings, then – double dates with other officers and their girlfriends, and quiet nights in where she cooked him dinner and they talked for hours. He proposed to her after two months of dating, and she said yes. Now, six months later, she’s going to meet him at the end of the aisle.

The pining in this is so rich and layered, I love the way that Ice and Mav have to learn to circle around each other and decide what they really want in life before they reach out and take it.

Delicates by @topgunreacts

In which Maverick sneaks into Ice's room for some late-night ass, and discovers he doesn't mind getting overheard.

Such a set up!! Ice and Mav in this are just so very into each other, and very much uncaring of who knows it. I love that for them honestly. Yeah boys, get that ass!!

#icemav #iceman #maverick #fic rec #rec list #top gun

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kamaluhkhan · 1 year

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ours are the moments i play in the dark

pairing: conrad fisher x fem!reader

summary: you come back to cousins beach after a few years away. conrad is not particularly happy that you're back - and you aren't particularly thrilled, either. too bad there's a history (chemistry?) neither of you can deny.

warnings: ANGST (im so sorry in advance...); flashback is from conrad's POV and the rest is from reader's perspective; mentions of sex + losing virginities (nothing too detailed/graphic); reader has an ex who's referred to with gender neutral pronouns; reader and other characters drink alcohol (pomegranate margaritas ;) ); hints of alcoholism (reader's mother); jealous reader who's trying her best; pining conrad who's a bit of a jerk; reader and conrad fight A Lot (they will make up eventually i promise!!)

tags: @stargirlsirius-recs, @ifilwtmfc, @qwertyb2577, @allnrsnz, @baconeggndcheez, @peanutbelley, @imogen-skye, @geekinthefuschiahair, @tvije, @drikawinchester, @maybankslover, @junnniiieee07, @elcpsstuff, @fangirl-kimora, @redbierd, @starkeylover

a/n: thank you so much for all the love on my conrad series so far! i love these characters and writing their stories, and it means so much that others are enjoying reading my work. there is one more part left and i promise it will be happier so stay tuned :)) i haven't watched the last two episodes of season 2, but i'm planning on writing a bit for that, too!! thank you x infinity ♡

part one | part two

i lost a friend / like keys in a sofa / like a wallet in the backseat / like ice in the summer heat (finneas, "i lost a friend")

now — summer, age 18

“you know, you guys aren’t fooling anyone.”

“and what exactly do you mean by that, steven?” you challenge, taking another sip of your soda.

it’s the fourth of july and susannah invited you over for her annual celebration. susannah always hosted fun parties, so you were more than happy to accept because it meant eating some good food, listening to an upbeat playlist, watching some fireworks, and just relaxing. essentially, susannah always delivered the best of summer, rolled into a carefully planned event.

the sun was shining, and everyone was having a good time, including you — at least, until you saw conrad and nicole in the pool, engaging in some serious PDA. you immediately got out of the pool and went to sulk near the drink table, where you were happily alone until steven came over to join you.

“i’m just saying, man. you and con are definitely going out of your way to prove that you’re mad at each other,” steven explains. “but we all know how much you care about each other.”

steven is right about the first part: you and conrad had done your best to avoid each other since the incident at nicole’s party and its fallout. if you and jeremiah had planned to go surfing and he invited conrad, you would always back out at the last minute. if you were over at the fishers helping belly pick out an outfit for a date with cam, conrad would conveniently stay in his room. not to mention, any time the two of you did cross paths — which was rare, but jeremiah and belly were persistent in requesting that all five of you spend time together, like the old days, they would say — it resulted in meaningless, petty arguments. the two of you had always been competitive and very comfortable teasing each other, but the difference was that now, your interactions were no longer good-natured.

you thought steven, belly, and jeremiah hadn’t noticed, but you should have given them more credit. to anyone who knew you, it was pretty obvious that something was up between you and conrad, even if they didn’t know what exactly it was.

“there’s a thin line between love and hate. and right now you guys are that line.”

“thank you for your insight,” you say sarcastically. “be sure to include that in your college essay — i’m sure princeton would love to have you.”

steven rolls his eyes at you, just as nicole arrives at the drink table.

“hey guys,” she greets. she reaches over to grab two cans of peach iced tea before you stop her.

“conrad’s allergic to peaches,” you say. “so you might wanna get him something else.”

nicole looks at you for a second before nodding and reaching for a can of sprite instead.

“thanks,” she says as she walks away.

once she’s gone, steven gives you a pointed look.

“what?” you scoff.

steven just shakes his head. “love and hate,” he muses, leaving you to join his parents and shayla near the pool.

you then decide to go inside briefly, where you find belly and jeremiah, pouring vodka into a blender.

“we’re making pomegranate margaritas!” belly exclaims, practically giddy.

“well, you gotta use the good blender for that.” conrad seems to appear out of nowhere from behind you, instantly reaching for the aforementioned good blender and placing it on the counter.

you were already in a sour mood from seeing him with nicole earlier, but belly looks at you with hopeful eyes, and you remember what steven said earlier, so you mentally promise that you would play nice with conrad. you owe belly and the others that much after being absent for so long: a carefree summer, just like the ones you used to know.

you imagine that jeremiah sent conrad a similar pleading look because, miraculously, you and conrad don’t argue with each other as you help mix pomegranate margaritas for everyone. you actually engage in playful banter and laugh at the other’s jokes. you even feel sorry for him when his father, who wasn’t supposed to be here, walks in. you can feel the good mood slipping, so you suggest heading to the beach for a change of scenery.

belly had invited cam and a few more girls who are doing the debutante thing with her, and with steven bringing shayla and conrad bringing nicole (which, you are totally fine with, of course, especially after a pomegranate margarita), you had a pretty solid party forming on the beach, away from the adults.

of all people, belly suggests some drinking games. it’s all a blur of sand, laughter, and vodka spiked fruit juice. once you were all the perfect amount of tired and tipsy, the group settles down, and gigi suggests a different game.

“we should play truth or dare.”

“oh my gosh we should!” belly smiles, tapping your leg enthusiastically. “remember? we used to play it all the time!”

you smile back. “of course i do.”

when you were kids, you, belly, steven, jeremiah, and conrad would play truth or dare any chance you got. it was never very serious, mostly goofy pranks and harmless questions. you had all grown up since then, and somewhere along the way, truth or dare had become less innocent than it used to be.

“y/n,” one of the debs — dara, if you remembered correctly — turns to you. it was the first time your name had been called, and in all honesty, you were perfectly happy just sitting back in the sun and sipping the rest of your drink. “truth or dare?”

you choose truth, mostly to avoid having to get up from your very comfortable seat on the sand.

“are you a virgin?”

your mouth suddenly feels dry. you’re not ashamed of your answer, but it doesn’t help that you can see conrad glaring at you from the corner of your eye. you take another sip of your drink before answering.

“um, not really.”

“it’s yes or no question,” nicole says.

“then my answer’s no,” you declare.

“what?” belly screeches. she sits up straighter to turn towards you, and in the process spills some pomegranate margarita on her dress. “i can’t believe you had sex and didn’t tell me? when? with who? what was it like?” her cheeks are slightly flushed. a sober belly would have likely asked you in private, or at the very least, not in front of people you barely knew. in that moment, you almost regret the pomegranate margaritas.

almost. because maybe it’s the silence and everyone’s expectant stares, or the adrenaline you feel from winning most of the drinking games, or the effects of the drinks themselves, but you convince yourself that it’s as good a time as any to tell the story. a sober you would have known to tread more carefully given the context; that would have been about three pomegranate margaritas ago, though.

“it’s kind of a cliche story, honestly,” you start. “it happened last summer. it was raining that night, so we were hanging out in the back of my teammate’s van, just talking, and one thing led to another….we didn’t plan to do anything, but we got caught in the heat of the moment.” you choose your words carefully, deliberately avoiding eye contact with conrad.

“how was it though?” belly asks, leaning in closer.

you shrug. “a little awkward, i guess? neither of us had sex before then, and we were both figuring stuff out. like, he couldn’t open the condom wrapper because he was so flustered, so i had to help him. it was nice, though,” you admit. “when the rain cleared, we went out to stargaze and fell asleep on the beach.”

belly sighs. “so romantic.”

“you’re right about it being cliche,” steven laughs. he has an arm thrown around shayla, and uses the other to gesture towards conrad. “conrad, man, that sounds almost exactly like your first time.”

you feel your entire body heat up, and it's not because of the sun shining down on you. conrad’s gaze finally meets yours — for a split second only, but it’s enough for steven to notice.

“holy shit! it all makes sense now!” steven exclaims, suddenly standing up.

jeremiah frowns, looking between you, conrad, and steven. “what makes sense?”

“i’ve been trying to figure out why y/n and conrad have been so weird around each other this summer, but it’s obvious now: they lost their virginities to each other. they had sex!”

nicole stiffens and narrows her eyes at conrad. “you told me you never hooked up with y/n.”

“well, that’s definitely not true.”

“belly,” you warn, looking over to conrad once more. his cheeks are turning red, and you imagine a storm brewing beneath his dark blue eyes.

“i don’t know about last summer,” belly continues, completely oblivious to the tension building. “but i do know that they kissed at your party.”

“i knew it,” nicole scoffs, pushing away from conrad. “i knew it.” with one last poisonous glare towards conrad, she storms off.

conrad sends you an equally poisonous look before chasing after her. the party dissolves shortly after.

feeling defeated, you lie back in the sand, close your eyes, and let the sun shine down on you once more, taking deep breaths to slow down your heart rate.

call it karma or a cruel twist of fate or just a really shitty coincidence, but you’re finally the one left alone on the beach.

then — summer, age 17

conrad was more than a little surprised to see your name appear on his phone. it wasn't like you were completely off the grid — you texted, though infrequently, and followed each other on socials. he scrolled through his instagram feed and saw the occasional picture of you wearing a costume at a halloween party or sipping hot chocolate on a snowy day. photos that never quite fit the image he had of you in his mind: in cutoff denim shorts and a swimsuit and layers of sunscreen, with sand in your hair and popsicle stains on your lips.

“hey,” he answered after only three rings.

"hey fisher, any friday night plans?"

he told you he was working on his college essay.

“homework on a friday night in the middle of summer,” you tsked. “i never realized how much of a nerd you are.”

conrad laughed. “i mean, that’s on you for just realizing that.”

“fair enough,” you hummed, and conrad could practically hear your smile through the phone. “if you’re in the mood for something more fun, look out your window.”

conrad wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but you standing in the driveway of his summer house was pretty low on the list. you waved at him frantically, telling him to hurry up and open his window.

he was still in awe as you climbed through. conrad tried to memorize the image of you then and there, standing in front of him in his bedroom: wearing dolphin shorts and a light jacket, with chipped turquoise nail polish and a bright smile.

"you drove all the way here?"

"well, they haven't cracked the science behind teleportation yet," you say playfully. "so i didn't have many options."

"i can't believe you're here," conrad smiled, and that’s when you finally hugged him. he held on tightly, afraid you would leave at any moment if he let go. you smelled the same, like chlorine and vanilla sugar.

once you broke away from the hug, you pointed towards something behind him, pinned to his bulletin board. conrad followed your gaze and felt his cheeks heat up.

“i missed you, too, connie,” you teased, eyes lingering on the newspaper clipping of your swim team making it to nationals thanks to your record time.

“mom showed it to me,” he explained, the smile on your face making his heart beat out of his chest. “she’s so proud of her little mermaid.”

your smile fell, just a bit, but enough for conrad to notice a shift in your mood. you always did a good job at hiding the weight of the world on your shoulders, at least around the others. not so much around him.

you sighed and sat down on his bed. “you know, after that swim meet, my dad lectured me about not being fast enough,” you explained. “winning by only a millisecond apparently wasn’t enough to impress college scouts, at least according to him.”

“your dad’s a jerk,” conrad said instantly. he sat down next to you. “and an idiot, if he can’t see how amazing you are.”

“thanks, connie,” you whispered. it looked like you were going to say more; instead, you picked up his laptop. “wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were working on your college essay. you really are a nerd.”

“shut up,” conrad laughed, nudging you with his shoulder and trying to grab the laptop from you.

you nudged him back. “it’s a compliment! schools go crazy for trust fund nerds.”

“yeah, yeah.” conrad waved you off. “so, you’re in cousins for the summer?”

all you did was smile softly and close the laptop, finally handing it back to him.

conrad’s heart burst with joy. because not only were you there — finally there, after all that time away — but you were staying. his mom would always muse about summers in cousins being magical, but conrad didn’t quite believe her until you were gone and he felt that magic fade away.

“do you wanna go downstairs? belly’s watching it happened one night with my mom and laurel.”

“as much as i love susannah’s favourite movie,” you started, and conrad’s heart soared again at you remembering his mom’s favourite movie. “i thought maybe it could just be the two of us tonight? maybe we could go for a drive.”

that’s how the two of you ended up at mermaid grove — a secluded stretch of beach about an hour away from your houses. it was near the mall your mothers sometimes went to, and during one of those excursions when you were young, all the kids wandered off and found it. the only time you’d been there was during the day and with jeremiah, belly, steven, and your siblings, so it felt different then, at night with just the two of you.

it started raining on the drive over — which only took 45 minutes without traffic — so you were hanging out in the back of your van. the van actually belonged to one of your teammate’s cousin who was somewhat of a hippie, you said, which explained the smell of weed and bohemian decor — battery powered rainbow fairy lights, colourful pillows, an elaborately patterned tapestry. the space was definitely intimate, or maybe it felt that way because you and conrad were sitting as close as possible to each other, shoulders touching and one of your legs tangled with his. he was scrolling through the pictures on your phone of your last swim meet in california, where you'd gotten the chance to visit stanford, while you were peeling an orange.

"you would love it there, connie,” you gushed. you dug your fingers into the orange peel, and the smell of citrus started to fill the air. “the beaches are beautiful and the waves are amazing. it’s like, always summer.”

conrad sometimes felt like summer was the only season of the year that he was truly awake, truly living. everything else felt like a dream, one that he would always describe to you in mundane detail; conrad even kept a small journal throughout the year, writing things down that he needed to tell you once you reunited every june. but one journal had turned to two, almost three, and conrad was trying really hard to not resent you for that.

“anyways, i think i’m going to apply in the fall.”

conrad stopped scrolling through your phone, pausing at a picture you had taken of a lemon tree. “doesn’t your dad have princeton lined up?”

“you make it sound like he bought my way in, when it was actually hours and hours and hours of training to get that scholarship. on the national best swim team.” you mimicked your father’s patronising tone for that last part; conrad hadn’t seen him in years, and he could still recognize it.

“you’re right, though. my dad would flip his shit. even if i got in with a scholarship, it’s so far away and i have the twins to look after, but a girl can dream, right?”

“i feel that,” conrad assured. you gave him a sad smile, knowing that his dad was as intense about football as yours was about swimming. the worst part was that you both loved your respective sports, until they became a burden. you both had other burdens to deal with, too, when it came to your families.

“in an ideal world, the two of us wouldn’t have to worry about anything else. we’d live in a place by the beach, surf every day, and hang out in the sun while sipping ice-cold, fresh lemonade.” just like we used to, conrad added in his head.

“in an ideal world,” you agreed. “we’d also adopt four dogs, each named after one of the beatles. you can teach them how to play the guitar.”

conrad laughed. “if i couldn’t teach you, there is no way i can teach one dog, let alone four.”

“well, they wouldn’t get distracted by your dreamy blue eyes like i did.” you winked at conrad, and handed him the freshly peeled orange before he even had time to blush.

“take it,” he protested. “you drove all this way — you should eat something.”

you shook your head and placed the orange in his hand before you pulled out another fruit from your bag. “i picked some of these up on the way here — best peaches on the east coast.” you took a big bite. “remember the summer we found out that you had a mild peach allergy?” you asked, juice dripping down your chin. you wiped it with the sleeve of the varsity jacket you wore.

conrad laughed at the memory. belly and steven had brought back candy from their trip to toronto. conrad practically inhaled an entire bag of fuzzy peaches, and didn’t realize that they weren’t supposed to make your mouth itchy — the “fuzzy” part wasn’t literal. that felt like so long ago, but there you and conrad were, settling back into each other like no time had passed.

as the night grew darker, you and conrad shifted closer to each other. conrad ate orange slice after orange slice as you devoured your peach, all while looking through the photos on your phone. you’d occasionally interject with a short story or comment, and there were still raindrops falling on the roof, but for the most part, there was nothing but a comfortable silence between you.

you moved to wrap the orange peel and peach pit in a napkin, just as conrad swiped onto a photo of someone kissing your cheek.

“who’s that?”

you leaned over to check. “oh. that’s sam.”

“are you dating?” conrad asked, trying to seem casual about it. just a friend asking another friend about their romantic situation. as a friend.

“we were,” you explained, sitting back next to him. “they broke up with me a few months ago.”

conrad sighed in relief, which he hoped you didn’t notice. “sorry.”

you shrugged. “it’s fine. apparently i’m emotionally distant.”

that wasn’t much of a surprise to conrad. sam might have been an idiot for breaking up with you, but they were spot on with the emotionally distant part. out of all the time you’d known each other, conrad had only seen you cry once, maybe twice. you were usually the one wiping away tears and putting on a brave face, inadvertently, or maybe purposefully, hiding your own vulnerability.

still, that wasn’t something conrad was about to stir up.

“what? you?” he joked instead.

“shut up,” you said, rolling your eyes, but the wry smile on your face gave you away. “how about you? broke any hearts this past year?”

conrad thought for a moment. there was aubrey, who his football teammate said had a major crush on him. they had been texting for a while now, and were on the edge of maybe becoming something. but then, there you were, stirring up feelings conrad had long buried — or, at least, tried to. if part of his head was always in summer, then part of his heart always belonged to you.

“no.”

“got your heart broken?”

he thought back to a few weeks ago, when he ran into your mom at the grocery store, and she said you wouldn’t be coming to cousins again that summer. you hadn’t spoken at all to each other for a month or two before that.

“no,” he lied.

you hummed, and took your phone away from him.

“wanna hear something trippy?” you asked suddenly. you always had a knack for changing the course of a conversation to where you wanted it to go.

“what?”

“well, since it takes a while for light from space to reach us, when we stargaze, we’re actually looking back in time. like, the star that’s closest to earth — other than the sun — is four light years away. or is it five?” you paused. “anyways, if the sky was clear and we could see that star, it would mean we’d actually be looking at that star from summer, five years ago.”

“very trippy,” conrad agreed. “it’s like a cosmic time machine.”

you hummed. “do you ever wonder what our past selves back then, at like 12 or 13, would think of us now? i think about those summers and how magical they felt.”

magical. you turned to smile at him softly, and conrad couldn't help but agree.

“i always thought you’d be my first kiss,” you whispered.

that threw conrad off guard, and it took him a few seconds to regain balance. the van suddenly felt too small and the lingering scent of fruit shared between you two, mixed with the familiar smell of chlorine and vanilla from how close you were sitting to him, became overwhelming. his heart was beating out of his chest — not because he didn’t feel the same way, but because he did.

conrad knew what his 13 year old self would think of him now: he’d be up in arms over his awkward pause, screaming to finally tell you how he felt then, and how those feelings hadn’t really left. how you made him feel safe, excited, confused and angry. how there was a space in his heart just for you, and it was painfully empty when you left, but now that you’re there again —

“sorry,” you said, cutting through the silence. you subtly shifted away from conrad. “i didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“you didn’t,” conrad answered instantly. he registered how you were now slightly hunched over and brought your knees to your chest, how you bit your lip and avoided eye contact — a few hints that you felt uncomfortable, deflated even at his lack of response.

so, he moved closer to you and gently placed a hand on your knee.

“you didn’t make things weird,” conrad assured once more. you were brave, he decided: for a lot of things you did, but right then for being so honest, so vulnerable. it inspired him to do the same. “i mean, this might make things weird, but i always thought you’d be my first…you know. at least, ever since i knew what sex even was.”

you finally turned towards him, your lips slightly parted.

“yeah,” you breathed. “me too.”

conrad’s eyes flicked to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“do you still want to —”

“yes. i - i mean, no pressure, but if you still want to —”

“i do.”

you smiled then and conrad felt himself do the same.

when you kissed for the first time, it was like rainclouds parted and the stars came out, shining bright in infinite darkness. the two of you became tangled up in each other: you sat in his lap, legs on either side of his waist, your chests pressed together and your fingers tangled in his hair, which drove him crazy. conrad let his hands explore your body, gently grazing the skin under your shirt. his lips tingled from the remnants of peach juice on yours, but he kept kissing you.

it was awkward and exhilarating at the same time. you asked each other if what you were doing felt good and right and were slightly embarrassed if the answer was no, but still adjusted if needed. at one point, conrad was fumbling with the condom wrapper and you had to open it with your teeth; he jokingly pointed out how you used to do the same with packs of sour patch kids and you giggled before kissing him again.

the two of you lay down on the floor once you were done. your head rested on conrad’s chest and he had his arm around you, idly tracing shapes on your skin with his fingertips. he craned his neck down to look at you.

even in the dim lighting and after years apart, you looked the same. even if you’d never been that close before, at least not in the same way you had just been, you felt familiar.

you tilted you head towards him and smiled.

“what?”

there was something about the way you looked at him that still made him blush, and conrad hoped that with the lack of bright light, you wouldn’t notice.

“sounds like the rain stopped,” he said. “wanna go stargazing?”

it was slightly chilly, so you let conrad borrow your varsity jacket, even if it didn’t fit perfectly. the sky was clear and full of stars. you spent the rest of the night there together, on the beach.

in the morning, conrad woke up before you. he watched as you took slow, deep breaths with your eyes still closed. you looked so peaceful — until the sound of your alarm prompted you to wake up.

“shit,” you exhaled, your eyes wide once you noticed the sun had risen. “what time is it?”

you searched frantically for your phone, only to find it right next to you.

“shit,” you repeated once you checked the time. you stood up right away, sand kicking from underneath your feet. “this is bad.”

“what —”

conrad didn’t have time to even ask you what was wrong because you bolted to the van. he followed you.

“what’s wrong?”

you looked at conrad, brows furrowed. “i have to go. i don’t want to leave you, but i have to go.”

“it’s okay,” conrad reassured. he stepped closer to you and placed a hand on your cheek. “i’ll be here when you get back.”

“i’m…” you step away from him. “i’m not coming back.”

“what do you mean?” he tried to steady his voice, but a dangerous mix of hurt and anger threatened to wash over him. conrad’s heart dropped, knowing all too well what was likely coming next, but he hoped, wished, that it wouldn’t be like before.

“i’ve got a swim meet in boston,” you exhaled. “but i can drive you home on my way there.”

“you’ll come back to cousins after,” conrad declared, as if saying it out could change what would happen next. “you said you’d be here for the summer.”

you shrugged, stumbling over your words. “technically, i didn’t say that. you just assumed and — ”

“and you wanted me to believe it, right?”

you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “just — let me drive you home, connie.”

the use of his childhood nickname — the one he secretly despised, except when it came from you — was what made him snap.

“i should have known,” he snarled. “god, i should have known. you don’t care about me, about us. swimming over everything, right?”

“that’s not true.” your eyes opened, but you still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “i do care, but you know the pressure i’m under —”

“fine. you want to talk about pressure?” conrad laughed, bitterly, all his frustration bleeding out and pooling at your feet. “my mom had cancer, and you couldn’t even be there for me. texts and phone calls only do so much when you’re watching the woman who raised you wither away to nothing.”

your eyes softened slightly, finally looking at him. you took a step forward, but conrad took another two back.

“conrad —”

“no. don’t,” he snapped, making you stop. “why did you even come here?”

“i was close by and…” you paused. “i guess i just needed to come back, even just for a bit.”

"figures," conrad scoffed. “you only care when it’s convenient.”

“that’s not true,” you repeated.

conrad waited a second for you say something more, but you didn’t.

“well, i’m really glad you got what you needed,” he mocked. “tell me, does nostalgia and sex help you swim faster? impress college scouts? make daddy proud of you?”

you stiffened slightly. “don’t be an asshole.”

“no, no. congratulations!” he clapped to emphasize his point. “i’m so glad i could help you! guess you just needed a quick fuck before your big competition for some good luck. hope it works out in your favour.”

there was so much venom laced in his words, and he could tell you noticed. you looked at him like he was a stranger.

“fuck you,” you finally said. your voice was shaking slightly and it looked like tears were forming in your eyes. “you can walk home, for all i care.”

without another word, you got into the car and drove away. conrad watched your car become smaller in the distance as he stood alone at the beach, wearing your jacket and replaying every word he said.

now

it’s hours after susannah’s fourth of july celebration. the adrenaline and alcohol from early wore off, and you’re sitting on your front porch, sipping tea from your favourite mug. you were hoping to relax, but the sight of conrad fisher storming up to you threatens that.

“where do you get off, saying what you did earlier?”

even under the low light of the porch, you can see that his face is red with anger. he came here to argue, but you’re too tired to really care.

“well, shit, conrad,” you sigh. “don’t blame me. blame — blame truth or dare and pomegranate margaritas and steven for being so goddamn perceptive.”

“you lied,” he accuses, crossing his arms. “you said you didn’t tell belly about us kissing at nicole’s party.”

“at least i didn’t lie to my girlfriend,” you point out, your voice dull from exhaustion. conrad is momentarily at a loss for words, furrowing his brow even further, so you decide to steer the conversation in another direction — away. “look, i just had to pick up my drunk mother from the bar, so i’m really not in the mood for this conversation.”

you move to leave, but conrad grabs your left wrist before you reach the door. the sudden action startles you, and you release the mug you were holding in your right hand. it falls to the ground, the break clean, and the rest of your tea spills onto the porch. you exhale sharply, turning back to face conrad.

“i don’t care,” he snaps. “you fucked up earlier today. you never should have mentioned that night. talking about it like it actually meant something to you.”

“you know what, conrad? maybe it’s hard for you to believe, but that night actually meant something to me.” you laugh bitterly, feeling more awake than before. “and, yeah, now i’ve spent so much time regretting it. because maybe i hoped that we’d start dating, but even if that didn’t happen, i never expected to lose my best friend.”

conrad rolls his eyes. “i don’t know how you can stand there and call me your best friend. best friends don’t leave each other —”

“fine, i did leave,” you interrupt. your voice is slightly raised, and you can’t help but feel a new rush of adrenaline flowing through your veins. the fact that conrad is standing in front of you, suggesting that you were the one to blame for the hostility between you — that made you frustrated, angry, even.

“i had other shit going on,” you continue. “and maybe i didn’t handle the situation well at first — that’s on me, sure. but i wasn’t the one who ignored texts and sent calls straight to voicemails. i’m not the one who’s spending the summer avoiding everyone who knows them because they’re too scared of others finding out the truth. i don’t know who you are this summer, but i know the real you, conrad.”

“no, you don’t.”

by now, you’ve walked closer, standing only a few inches in front of him. if you reached out, you’d be able to brush the bangs away from his forehead, but you don’t.

“i do know you,” you assert. “in fact, i hate how much i know you. i know that “yesterday” by the beatles is your favourite song, and the first one you learned on the guitar. i know that you’re crazy good at chess, but let jeremiah win sometimes when your dad is watching. i know that you love playing football, but hate that you’re expected to play it. i know that i hurt you last year, so you had to ignore me because that was easier than admitting how you really feel because — because you’re scared.”

“you’re wrong.” conrad stares at you, his gaze heavy on yours.

you shake your head. “i know that you didn’t tell anyone about what happened between us because it meant something to you. and that really scares you, too.”

“you’re…you’re wrong.” conrad’s voice wavers a bit, his eyes soften ever so slightly, and you know you’ve struck a chord.

“i’m not,” you say. “and, honestly? i’m so fucking tired of waiting for you to realize that. i don’t care anymore. whatever was between us during all those summers, it's obviously not here anymore."

“you’re wrong,” he’s like a broken record, stuck on the same lyric.

"stop blaming me for fucking this up," you continue. "it's your mess, too, conrad. and i’m so fucking tired."

it’s late, and it’s dark, and you can’t bring yourself to stay here anymore. without saying anything else, you step over the broken porcelain of your favourite mug and into your house, leaving conrad alone on your poorly lit porch.

when the sun rises and you go outside in the morning, the pieces are gone.

#the summer i turned pretty fic #tsitp season 2 #tsitp fanfic #tsitp #tsitp conrad #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x fem!reader #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher angst #the summer i turned pretty #saf writes

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the-one-who-lambs · 1 year

Note

uhh hello!! sorry if this is a tall order LOL but I wanna ask, do you have any narilamb fanfic recs? :D I already read yours and I really like bamsara’s and I’m waiting for epicaandk’s to update (that one is my fav ever <3) but idk what to read now lol

Tall order?? Naaaaah, I'm always happy to give recs. Oh boy, I'm gonna go in reverse chronological order.

If you've read all of my narilamb fics (have you seriously? I'm impressed, that's probably well over half the 150k+ I've written for this damn fandom. Also, to anyone seeing this from a reblog, my stuff is over at onethirdofimpossible!) then here we go!

You already mentioned it, but The Rehabilitation of Death is excellent so far! This one is by @bamsara who is new to the CotL fandom but apparently not new to fanfic writing; they have a really popular FNAF fic and I assume the well-deserved attention this fic's been getting is a byproduct of the popularity they've already gotten in other fandoms. :D Welcome, bamsara! Many of the fic writers in this fandom are friends with each other already, but we don't bite if you wanna say hi.

Feel No Evil and Language Barrier, both by @payasita. I always love how payasita portrays this duo (in both digital art and writing), with so much sass and repressed loneliness, knowing they're stuck together for eternity and making the best of it. (And maybe falling in love, depending on how dense Narinder keeps being.) What makes these come alive for me is how well thought out the setting is outside the Lamb and Narinder. The descriptions and weight of emotions really pop here.

LITERALLY ANYTHING written by pavi / @i-eat-deodorant. Depending on how spicy you want your fics to be he has even more here. Character analysis, diction, pacing, etc. are consistently 10/10. Top-quality banter between a sassy Lamb and tired old man Narinder. We constantly bounce ideas off each other and inspire each other a lot but I promise I'm not hyping him up just because he's my friend oh my god please just go bless your eyes.

It Was For You, O Death by blueberry-muffin-massacre (if they have a tumblr, let me know so I can tag!). An intriguing alternative ending to the final battle wherein the Lamb chooses a secret third option by refusing to give up the Red Crown and still observing Narinder as the God of Death. So many details are so well thought out and duality their relationship is nicely characterized-- both genuine care for each other and also quite unhealthy. A fine line treaded well!

Confessional by jusmove (again, lmk if they have a tumblr). Been a while since I've read it, but I love how the Lamb chips at Narinder's very carefully built emotional walls. Their personalities are very well fleshed out here, especially Narinder's cognitive dissonance at being able to process love.

Confession by @thewitchoftheweed. I didn't expect a part two to this one, but my god I was so thrilled when it did update. Narinder and Lamb with their unique and parallel loneliness and their fucked-up sense of everything. Their relationship is very rocky here, and I love how they navigate it: with tension and eventual, pained acceptance. Mind the rating.

Of Character Development and Being Dense by @calliecature. A short and sweet narilamb classic. They're both mutually pining and one of them is too emotionally repressed to realize it. Guess who.

Not An Offering, But a Gift by @checkplzjuliet. Small confession fic. I especially love how Narinder's descriptions twist the knife of his situation here, and how Lambert is a total foil for him! There are a lot of good things happening in such a short span, which is impressive.

Also, if you think you've read all my narilamb fics... I do have a secret one out there too. Just so you know.

Happy reading!

I'm already friends with many of the people here, but if any of the writers I've tagged have been kinda wanting to reach out for a while but feel a little anxious... Don't be. I've made my best friends in this fandom by literally just waiting for some of my readers to get over whatever assumption they have that I'm cool and say hi. Or being the more confident one first.

#hannah's rambles #cult of the lamb #narilamb #cotl #fanfic #fic rec

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kaylasficrecs · 1 year

Text

peter parker recs - part 2

shy frat!peter | au, imagine, fluff | @webslingingslasher

baby me | tasm, drabble, fluff | @p3terparker

twenty-bucks | imagine, flangst | @deathbyathousandspiders

likes having you close | imagine, fluff | @sacharinee

hospital heart monitor | imagine, fluff (bit of angst) | @parkerpeter24

no need to hide it | one shot, flangst (more fluff) | @spider-man-199999

best friends couch cuddles | two shot, fluff | @deathbyathousandspiders

stacked against you | tasm, imagine, fluff | @delicate-dorothea

meeting at the grave | imagine, flangst (more angst) | @electrosspidey

apologies | imagine, flangst | @bruh--wtf

hurt | one shot, flangst | @just-jordie-things

so cold | one shot, flangst | @just-jordie-things

i'll keep your brittle heart warm | au, imagine, fluff | @darling-im-wonderstruck

open arms | tasm, drabble, fluff | @delicate-dorothea

only you | imagine, flangst | @ivyquill

you're a very good kisser | drabble, fluff | @ddejavvu

reader thinks she's ugly | imagine, flangst | @selfcarecap

just so you know | imagine, fluff | @literaila

eventually | imagine, angst | @peterthepark

chilly | imagine, fluff | @presleyanswrites

2:54 am | tasm, one shot, soft flangst | @likedovesinthewindd

where'd you get your medical degree | tasm, imagine, fluff | @literaila

soothing | insomniac, drabble, flangst, comfort | @multi-fandom-imagine

i'll be right there, sweetheart | tasm, imagine, flangst | @urrockstar-xe

mastermind | imagine, fluff | @moonstruckme

the mechanics of a soul | imagine, fluff | @irndad

two normal arms | one shot, fluff | @waitimcomingtoo

angel unaware | one shot, trifecta (fluff/smut/angst) | @silkscream

making out for hours | drabble, fluff | @ptergwen

physics and english teacher love affair | insomniac, imagine, fluff | @certifiedlovergirlsstuff

azalea | two shot, flangst | @writings-of-a-hufflepuff

spidey senses | one shot, flangst | @forever-rogue

not so innocent | imagine, fluff | @spider-quackson

far from home, far from you | one shot, flangst (more angst) | @neverlandparker

your kiss, my check | au, imagine, flangst | @hollandweather

shy shy shy | tasm, imagine, fluff | @biblio-smia

identity crisis | one shot, fluff | @heliads

kissing reader any chance he gets | tasm, drabble, fluff | @madwcman

just hold me | drabble, flangst, comfort | @oneawkwardwriter

snap | imagine, flangst | @tomholland1996simp

it's supposed to be fun, turning 21 | imagine, flangst | @loverwebs

only you | imagine, flangst | @devotion

i can see you | one shot, fluff | @waitimcomingtoo

peter thinks he's slick | imagine, fluff | @weird-is-life

night in | imagine, fluff | @blissfulparker

come home | tasm, imagine, flangst (more angst) | @dameronology

worth it | drabble, fluff | @miley1442111

come in with the rain | one shot, flangst | @pasukiyo

be here for her | au, imagine, angst, comfort | @lovelettersforthedamned (tw)

promise | imagine, flangst | @shayyprasad (tw)

#peter parker x reader #mcu #masterlist #fic recs #tasm!peter

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ja3yun · 10 months

Text

The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.2

sim jaeyun x afab!reader

warnings: smut (mdni). exhibitionism (slightly), fluff, angst, y/n is kinda mean, fingering, oral (m+f rec), pet names, protected/unprotected sex, not proofread, anything else lmk!

wc: 17k+ (sorry)

synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.

part 1 | part 3

a/n: hi! this part is heavily filled with plot, drama and smut. hope you all like it. this will probably be the deciding factor of if I continue the series (I have written it all now) or not. if you like it and want more please lmk!

To say everything was going well with you and Jaeyun over the next year would be an understatement.You had never felt so loved in your life; not by your parents, not by your siblings, it was only Jaeyun that made you feel like the world had its saturation turned up. The sun had a habit of making life look brighter.

Your 18th birthday party was tonight and you had been planning this for the past few months. It fell right after exams so you were going to use it as an excuse to get everyone together and let loose. Did you have an abundance of friends? Not really, you had your group of all-weather friends. Did that mean you didn’t invite everyone in your year that you liked so you could have a great birthday bash? Absolutely not.

Your friends Ryujin and Yeji were there to help you pick out a birthday outfit which of course you had preemptively chosen knowing that it would have the approval of your best friends and your boyfriend.

“Y/N, you look amazing,” Ryujin said as she eyed you in your short black dress with red lace trimming the bottom and ends, “You look so good, Jake isn’t going to be able to keep his hands off you.” You smile and nod, she would never know you bought the dress specifically for that reason. When you were in the store there were lots of dresses that fit your normal aesthetic but you wanted something bold, something that said you’re no longer a little girl. Of course, you were still a little girl, one birthday isn’t going to magically make you an adult but that didn’t mean you couldn’t look like it.

A few hours later and the party is in full swing, your parents are gone, there is over 50 people in your house, and you have to get to see Jaeyun. You’re getting nervous that he isn’t going to come. His text message stares at you as you read it for the nth time.

Be there soon, Baby. Can’t wait to see my girl! x

That was two hours ago.

“Hey.” A voice from behind you pulls you out of your trance and you look at him, his body close to yours, “You’re the birthday girl, right? I’m Sunghoon.” His sleeked-back hair and perfect features throw your whole state of being off.

“H-Hey. Um, yeah I am! Thank you for coming.” You bow a little and as you come up, your eyes meet his, and your face goes red. He is so beautiful, mesmerising, unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. The moon shines on his face as it bleeds through the windows. The freckles on his face add another dimension of beauty, his canines gleaming when he smiles.

“You’re Jake’s girlfriend? Where is he?” where is he? You ask yourself the same question. He is always beside you, always on time, always here.

You shrug your shoulders and fakely chuckle, “I have no idea actually.” Honesty is the best policy but as Sunghoon’s hand reaches for your arm you think it was better if you had lied and told him Jaeyun was only away to the toilet. Jaeyun please come here quick. Sunghoon caught on to your rigid demeanor and nodded. He knew Jaeyun had an unholy hold on you.

“If I was Jake,” he started, “I would never let my pretty girlfriend stand alone at her own party.” Sunghoon kissed your temple.

He was right. Jaeyun should have been here the whole time. Are you too lenient on him? You take a shot of Cherry Sourz, Jaeyun’s favourite you mentally note. An earlier conversation with Yeji pops into your head.

“If you’re going to celebrate your 18th birthday you might as well have no regrets.”

And that’s exactly what you did. 4 hours after the party started you had no sense of yourself, Jaeyun was still nowhere to be found, and you were handed another shot. This was your 9th shot to be exact.

Jaeyun strolls through the door with his friends Heeseung and Jay. His attitude was relaxed, a smile plastered on his face as he said hi to the people in the hallway; that was until he saw you.

Your body in that dress, your hair tussled from the dancing, the way the smile was placed upon your place, those hands that were on your hips. Jaeyun paused, his jaw that was once relaxed now clenched as he saw who was behind the foreign hands holding you - Sunghoon.

Huffing, Jaeyun clenched his fists and walked over to you, jealousy seeping through every part of his body. He wasn’t afraid to admit that he was intimidated by Sunghoon, he wasn’t delusional to the fact that Sunghoon was attractive, probably the most handsome guy at the school and lamentably for Jaeyun, he was clearly into you.

“Baby.” Jaeyun whispers as he wraps his arms around your waist and knocks Sunghoon off of you in the process, resting his head on your right shoulder, “Happy birthday, my love.” You were mad at him, but his touch was almost enough to forgive him. Unfortunately for Jaeyun, the shots didn’t make you forgive but rather fueled your anger towards him.

You brushed his hands off ignoring him as you continued your conversation with Sunghoon. Jaeyun was hurt. In a way, he understood why you were acting like this, he let you down, and football practice lasted way longer than he intended, however, he wasn’t about to let Sunghoon take up all your attention. “Princess,” he whispered, knowing exactly what it did to you. You couldn’t ignore him anymore but that didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaeyun noticed. “I’m sorry I’m late, I feel like such a dickhea-”

“Good. I hope you feel worse than that. I have been waiting for 4 hours. Do you know how embarrassing that is? All so you could what? Kick a ball about? Cheat on me? I don’t understand what was so much more important.”

Jaeyun stands still. He feels sick to think that even for a second you thought that you weren’t the most important person in his life. Cheat. That word echoed in his mind and he started to feel sick. Did he not show you love enough? Why was that one of the first things you thought of? He would never dream of it, he hasn’t even so much looked at a girl since he met you.

“Baby, I’m sorry I got caught up in football practice.” He confessed honestly. Was it an excuse? No, but his coach wasn’t letting him away no matter the excuse he gave.

“Whatever, Jake.” Jake. You hardly ever called him that before, not since you found out he liked being called Jaeyun more. Everyone called him Jake except for his family and you. His face turned pale as he realised how hurt you were by his actions. “Go enjoy yourself, I’m in the middle of a conversation.” His eyes met Sunghoon as you spoke. Sunghoon had a smirk on his face as if he had won in a game Jaeyun didn't know he was playing, and he did not want to be a part of it.

You turned to Sunghoon and continued to speak to him, ignoring Jaeyun’s sad expression as you laughed at whatever shitty joke Sunghoon had to offer.

To say Jaeyun was a sensitive soul would be an understatement. His feelings were so easy to read because he never thought to hide them, and as much as he was bottling his anger as Sunghoon stroked your arm, he wasn’t hiding it well. You were getting dangerously close to Sunghoon, your chest was millimetres away from him, and your head was tilted up to look at him. When Sunghoon leans down as if he is going to kiss you, Jaeyun knows he has to do something.Sunghoon had a reputation and Jaeyun would be damned if he let you be a part of it.

He strides over and hugs you from behind not unlike before. Trying to keep his cool and not come off as jealous he nuzzles his face into your neck and whines, “Baby.” Dragging out the pet name was a tactic he’ll admit. He knew you couldn’t resist it. “Can I give you your present now?”

“Is it to leave me alone? Because I would love that.” You spat at him. As soon as you turned around to look at him you instantly regretted the words that escaped your lips. Jaeyun’s eyes were wide, his brain was working overtime, and his chest was moving heavily. The alcohol in your system was making you react in a completely opposite way to how you would have. If sober you was alert she would have comforted Jaeyun and given him a thousand kisses to apologise, but drunk you was in charge and she was dangerous. “I need you to stop being so clingy, it's embarrassing.” Stop talking you screamed at yourself, “Can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” For the love of god please shut up and apologise.

“Oh.” Jaeyun nodded slowly. He has never gotten angry, not once since you’ve known him, at least not seriously, but right now you see a fire behind his eyes that makes you wonder if you’re seeing things. He pushed his tongue to the side of his mouth and looked down, letting out a half scoff half laugh. “Hope you have fun fucking him.” Jaeyun glares at Sunghoon and with that, he leaves. You call his name but he pushes through the crowded people to escape through the front door.

He hears you calling his name but he is too upset to answer you. Your hand grabs his wrist as you pull at him, “Babe, please.” You plead but he yanks his arm away and continues walking. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.”

“Mean what? That I’m clingy? That you would rather speak to Sunghoon? That you think i would ever cheat on you?” His voice turns venomous towards the end and in that moment you realise what you’ve actually done. “Okay, yes I was late for your birthday, and believe me Y/N I am so fucking sorry. I tried to get away and I couldn’t. But you flirting with someone right in front of me? That’s a low i never expected.”

“Jaeyun I never-”

“Don’t fucking try it.” Jaeyun cuts you off. You have never seen him like this. “I’ll take anything you have to say to me, all the criticisms, but don’t you dare ever for a second think I would cheat on you.” Tears are forming in his eyes but he blinks them away and exhales slowly trying to regain some composure. He might have been upset with you but he couldn’t bare to shout at you. “Y/N, I can’t control what you do, or what you think, but you can’t fuck with me like that.”

He was right. You were flirting with another guy because you were mad at Jaeyun. It wasn’t fair to him. You stare at him and bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying. You want to hug him and kiss him and apologise but your body and brain were fueled by the substances consumed earlier. “You know what Jaeyun?” you started, “How am I supposed to know you aren’t going around with other people? Half of your football team were here on time but suddenly the coach only wants you to stay behind? Fucking funny that isn’t it?”

“I fucking love you, Y/N. That should be enough for you to understand I’m not screwing anyone behind your back. Do you not trust me? Have I done something that would make you not trust me?” His voice is angry but not raised. Jaeyun sees the hurt in your eyes at his temper and it almost makes him aplogise. Almost. What does he have to be sorry for? He said he was sorry for being late, it was you who blew this into a big deal.

You knew it too. You knew deep down he would never cheat on you, and he wouldn’t be late for your birthday unless something was holding him back. The alcohol that coursed through your veins wasn’t helping you be a reasonable person, however. You stood in silence, staring at Jaeyun. He scoffs. “You don’t trust me? Fine. You know what?” Jaeyun takes a gift-wrapped box from his jacket pocket and throws it with force on the ground at your feet. “Happy fucking birthday, Y/N. Hope Sunghoon gets you off better than I can.”

Frozen, you watch him walk home angrily. Your first fight and it was over something so stupid, something you caused and could easily have been fixed. No, it wasn’t great that he was late, but it wasn’t worth losing him over.

You bend down to pick up the box and unwrap it. As you flip open the box you see a gold sun-shaped necklace with a rose quartz centre. It’s beautiful and it’s so obviously Jaeyun. You were his sunshine, his love, his everything, and he probably saved up for this necklace which was clearly handmade. The engraving was the date you first started school, the day you first met.

You were an idiot. You had to make it right, you can’t lose him. Losing him would ruin you completely. Running as fast as you can in heels you try to catch up with him but he is nowhere to be found. You spend a good hour outside looking for him before making your way to his house. He had to be there by now.

As you stand before his front door you inhale a deep breath and chap the door vigorously.

“Oh my days it’s like 2 am what do you want.” Jaeyun opens the door quickly, speaking before he has even seen you. His eyes fall on you, red-faced, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, the dress is hiked up sitting just under your ass. “Y/N?”

Bursting into tears you blabber out everything you have to say. “Jaeyun I am such an idiot, I am so sorry for ever thinking you would cheat. To be honest, I knew you would never, I was just drunk” You’ve started to sober up in between the running and crying, “You were late for my birthday and It honestly wasn’t even that big a deal, I was angry and stupid. I love you so much please don’t break up with me.” You rush the last few sentences in between sobs.

Standing in the doorframe, Jaeyun’s eyes are soft, a smile gracing his lips - a complete opposite to how he was only a few hours ago. He hated how blown out this whole thing was. It took him coming home and showering to calm down and assess how undeep the situation truly was.

“Princess, I know.” He brings you in for a hug and squeezes you as if at any moment you could disappear. “I will never break up with you, my love.” A kiss to your forehead. “I’m not angry at you.” A kiss to your temple.”I’m sorry I was clingy” A kiss to your cheek. “I love you so much.” A kiss to your lips.

You pull away with wide eyes, “You aren’t clingy, I was an idiot. I love you, I want you to be clingy all the time. I love it. I was just mad you were late.” Jaeyun nods in understanding and bites his lip, a habit of his you’ve never been able to get over.

“I’m sorry I was late.” He stares at you with his forehead resting against yours. Your eyes are red and puffy, his show clear signs of crying too. You were both so scared to lose each other in this moment that no words were exchanged, just this stare.

He pulls you in for a kiss and grabs your waist as he brings you into his house. “Stay with me tonight.” He whispers, almost unmissable if you weren’t listening. You nod and keep kissing him.

“I’m sorry, Jaeyun.” He shakes his head.

“No, don’t. Don’t keep apologising, we were both silly.” He looks down at your hands and notices the box that contains his birthday present to you. “Did you like it?” You’re confused at first but as your eyes follow his to where they are looking for you to answer.

“I love it, can you put it on me?”

Without another word, he nods and brings you into his room. He quietly shuts the door trying not to alert his parents. Jaeyun was surprised at how they didn’t wake up with you banging at the door but he didn’t give it too much thought. “Turn around, Princess.”

Obediently you turn around and hand him the necklace. As he clasps the jewelry around your neck you shiver at the coldness of the gold. The coldness doesn’t last long as Jaeyun starts kissing your neck, his plump lips pressing softly.

“Jaeyun,” You moan softly and turn to face him, “let me make it up to you.” Your hands trail down his body as you stop at his lower abdomen. It’s only now you realise he’s only wearing his black boxers. “I’ve been so horrible to you.” As you play with the lining of his underwear, Jaeyun throws his head back. He wants this, he really does. You’re beautiful all the time but there is something so ethereal about your lips around his cock. But you’re intoxicated and upset and he doesn’t want to take advantage of that.

“Baby, I don’t need you to do that.” Jaeyun’s heart is beating fast as you trace the outline of his cock. “Please, you’re drunk and I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” He’s trying to defuse this situation without hurting your feelings. What he isn’t aware of is that you aren’t listening to him, a hand trespasses his boxers and lightly strokes his cock making him mutter an almost inaudible ‘fuck.’

With a hand on him, you guide him to sit on the gaming chair in his room. “Relax, Jaeyun. I know how much you love my mouth.” He could come right there and then. You slide his boxers off, slapping his thigh so he will lift his bum off the chair. “I’ve missed your cock so much.”

Jaeyun laughs at that. “We literally fucked yesterday.”

“Technically it was 2 days ago,” you point to the clock that reads 2.37 am, “and I didn’t even get the celebratory cliche birthday sex.” Pouting while you were down on your knees had Jaeyun’s head in meltdown mode. You were so beautiful, in spite of the tear-stained cheeks and mascara smudging, you looked so irresistible.

His hand comes to cup your cheek as his thumb wipes away the running makeup from your face, “You’re so lovely.” You smile and he mirrors you, “Lovely people deserve to get fucked on their birthday, yeah?” Jaeyun breathes out.

There it is, the Jaeyun you were waiting for, and the permission you needed to take his cock in your mouth. It caught him off guard and his hands instinctively moved to your hair. “Fuck, Princess you’re so beautiful like this.” He looks down at you with admiration and desire. You bob your head up and down, every time you come up you swirl your tongue around the tip, dipping into his slit every second time. You knew everything that made Jaeyun feel pleasure. Over the past few years, you’ve learned and memorised each other's bodies, likes and dislikes. You were convinced no one could ever know you the way Jaeyun does.

A few weeks ago you walked in on Jaeyun jerking off to porn. He threw his phone away and apologised a million times. You’re not the type of girlfriend that has an issue with her boyfriend watching porn, you too have done it sometimes if he’s away for the weekend to football training. What you did notice though was that as you picked up the phone, the girl was giving very enthusiastic head, gagging as he fucked his cock into her mouth. You had never done anything like that before. Jaeyun always held back thrusting his hips up so as to not cause you pain or discomfort. But you wanted it.

So today, you were going to give him everything you got. Apologies can’t be half-arsed, right?

You smile and lift your bum from your feet so you’re hovering over his cock at a higher angle. Smirking, your eyes meet his and you take his full length in your mouth, gagging as the tip breaches the back of your throat.

“Baby be careful.” Jaeyun was always attentive, always caring, but right now you needed to see him lose control. You don’t come off his cock but rather sit with his dick in your mouth and swallow - a trick that wasn’t easy to master but you knew it would drive him crazy. “Fuck, Princess.” As he feels your throat close and pinch the tip of his dick he moans so loudly you’re scared his parents might hear him.

You work your mouth up and down his cock again, you pinch his thighs a little and his hips thrust up, slamming his cock into your throat again. “Shit, baby I’m sorry.” You simply moan trying to let him know that's what you want. You pinch him again and he gets the memo. “Oh? Does my love want me to fuck her pretty little mouth?” You’re dripping by this point and hum around him in acknowledgment. He leans down and pulls you off his cock. “Tell me you want it.” Jaeyun’s hand has your hair in a ponytail.

“I want you to fuck my throat until I can’t speak anymore.” A groan leaves his body. You’re perfect, he doesn’t understand where you came from, or how you both exist in this lifetime together, but he is so thankful.

“If it gets too much just tap my leg three times okay, Baby? No matter what. If it hurts, if you need air, let me know.” Nodding your head and smiling you let out a weak okay and he kissed your lips. It's so tender and loving. You know you’re about to get a completely different Jaeyun in two seconds.

He squeezes your cheeks with his middle finger and thumb to get your mouth to open. His dick is red and frustrated, multiple veins protruding around the shaft. You’re starving for it. Placing his cock in your mouth you take him all in.

Slowly thrusting you can see he is trying to be gentle so you meet his thrusts, sucking up and down. “My baby.” He breathlessly moans as he picks up the pace. His tip is battering against your throat and you love every second of it. You hum in pleasure around him as he pounds faster into your mouth. “Y/N you’re so fucking good to me, such a perfect girl. Always taking what I give you.” He moans and his thrusts become erratic, and sloppy as he gets closer to his high,

His grip is tighter on your hair and he yanks you off before he comes.

“Jaeyun what’s wrong?” Your voice is hoarse and it drives him crazy.

“I need to come inside you, Princess. You can call it another birthday present.” He kisses you and lifts you up with ease, his mouth never leaving yours. “Such a pretty dress,” he states as he lays you down on the bed, “As soon as I saw you in it I knew I had to fuck you while you wear it.” Jaeyun hikes up the dress so it sits above your hips, exposing your red underwear, his favourite. “All for me, yeah?” His fingers lightly graze your slit over the lace.

“Everything is for you.” The loving confession makes his heart swell in his chest. He needs you so bad, and you know it. “Just fuck me Jaeyun.” Your eyes land on his cautious ones. He hasn’t prepped you yet, it’s already a struggle to make him fit when he’s stretched you open. “I can’t wait for your cock any longer.” Frustration is laced within your voice and your body is writhing for some attention.

Jaeyun takes a condom from his stash and slides it on. His sensitive tip colliding with the rubber makes him wince. He looks for lube but can’t find his usual tube. You look at him searching and take the opportunity to shuffle down, grab his cock, and guide it to your entrance.The shock plastered on his face is quickly switched out with one of pure lust. “Princess can’t wait huh?” You eagerly shake your head as you push him in. The stretch isn’t painful due to how turned on you are. Genuine wonder starts to invade your brain as you think back to any other time you’ve been this desperate. You haven’t.

“You’re the death of me, Y/N.” He moans as he bottoms out.

“I need you to fuck me so bad, baby.” And who was he to deny you? His thrusts are sharp and pierce right through you. “Right there, baby, so so good.” Your encouraging words spur him on and he goes at a faster pace.

“Tell me I’m the only one.” He mutters as he kisses your neck. He was still feeling a little self-conscious after the whole Sunghoon incident. To think that you could be taken away by someone else makes his heartbreak, he needs the reassurance.

Bringing his head up and cupping his cheek you stare lovingly into his eyes, “You’ll always be the only one. I don’t want anyone else. I need you.”

Jaeyun practically growls as he picks up the pace again. You’re trying not to moan loudly but he’s hitting all the right spots and it’s got you gasping. His hands are roaming your body, gripping and grasping at every part of you, the action will leave bruises and he’ll apologise in the morning but right now he just needs to feel you.

“Even if Sunghoon wanted you?” he asks quietly and you shake your head immediately. Never for a second would you even spare any time of day for the other, not when you had Jaeyun. You were going to have serious words with yourself once you’re done. You made Jaeyun feel insecure, you’re the reason he’s doubting himself like this.

“He could never love me the way you do,” you bring your lips to his ear, “and he certainly couldn’t fuck me the way you do.”

Pure fire and passion rise through Jaeyun’s body. His thrusts go harder and faster, he places your legs on his shoulders and drives in deeper. “You take me so well, Princess. I love you so much.” Jaeyun might have been fucking you like he was a man possessed but his kind and nurturing personality will always come through.

He was perfect.

You clench around him, “Jaeyun, babe, I’m so close.” Your nails are digging into his arms.

“Me too, Baby.” he kisses you gently, “Come around my cock, show me how good I make you feel.” Jaeyun might be the sweetest man alive but he is still a man after all, always trying to get you to boost his ego. And you come around his cock hard, your chanting his name mixed with a few ‘fucks’ and ‘oh gods’ in there.

Not letting up, Jaeyun is still pounding into you, “Good girl.” he mumbles into a kiss. It doesn’t take long before he’s spilling into the condom. “Fuck, Y/N.” His moans are loud and desperate as his hips still. “Fuck, Princess. So good.” He lazily kisses down your neck whispering sweet ‘I love yous’ and ‘You’re so perfect’. He wanted to revel in the moment, his cock was softening in your walls as his lips graze every inch of your skin.

“I love you, Jaeyun.” He looks up at you with his big puppy eyes and all you can see is love held within them. You could cry. This is the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You know it.

“I love you too, angel. So fucking much,” He kisses you deeply, “Let's never fight again.” Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you nod and continue to kiss him. “You’re it for me, Y/N.”

“Sim Jaeyun if you have a girl in here-” His dad barges in, ruining the moment between the both of you. Jaeyun jumps up and covers himself and you with a blanket. Mortified doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel. “Y/N? Is that you?” his dad questions trying to see your face which is hidden behind Jaeyun’s blanket.

“Hi, Mr.Sim” Your head pops up and shyly wave a hand. “How’s it going?”

“Dad can you like, leave, please.” Jaeyun wants the world to swallow him whole. He has always been so careful not to get caught. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell his parents it was just that they would never let you stay over again if they knew he was fucking your brains out every time you stayed over.

Mr. Sim runs a hand down his face and squeezes his eyes shut before wagging a finger between you and Jaeyun, “How long have you…how long has this been going on?”

“About two years.” Jaeyun shrugs and mumbles. He wasn’t going to say your 2 year anniversary was a pebble throwaway, he didn’t need specifics. “We’ve been dating for 2 years.”

“2 YEARS?” Mr. Sim’s eyes widened and his mouth slacked open. “2 years and you haven’t told us? You know we would never stop you from dating someone.” he scoffs, “2 fucking years and you didn’t tell us.”

Your head is hanging low, Jaeyun notices your discomfort, he always does, and he reaches for your hand under the blanket and gives it a squeeze.

“Dad we didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you or mum. I’m sorry.”

“Me too, Mr. Sim.” You squeak out.

“Don’t,” Jaeyun’s dad starts, “Don’t keep things like this from me again.” A smile crawls onto his face, “especially if it’s Y/N. You know she’s like the daughter I always wanted.” His eyes soften as he looks at you.

You were so close to Jaeyun’s family after spending 3 years living between his house and yours. His parents knew your favourite foods, what made you tick, and how to cheer you up, they even invite you over on Christmas Eve for a pre-Christmas celebration. His family loved you, you were never scared of receiving their approval, deep down you knew you always had it. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to your mum. And Y/N?” Your head shoots up, “Please tell your parents. I’m sure they’ll take it well.” He nods his head and leaves to go back to bed.

Jaeyun turns to you and a roar of laughter erupts from him making you playfully smack his chest. “That was so embarrassing.” He wheezes.

“I am never coming back here again.” You hide under his blanket, giggling.

You spend the rest of the night cuddling Jaeyun, feeling complete bliss. When you woke up the next morning you received a text from your mum.

Mrs. Sim told me. Jake is NEVER allowed to sleep over again, do you hear me?

I’m happy for you both.

You smile and snuggle deeper into Jaeyun’s embrace. The sun lights up the room, landing perfectly on your boyfriend's face.

________

As your high school life was reaching its end you found yourself searching through college brochures and websites trying to find anything that sparked your interest. That was your problem, you weren’t interested in anything, not anything that you could make a career out of anyway. Jaeyun was what you were interested in if you had to be frank but considering he’s a broke almost 19-year-old you couldn’t exactly become his trophy wife, but god did you wish life was that easy sometimes?

Jaeyun had applied for Apollo College situated in Busan. His dream was to become a mathematical physicist which has been his dream since he was like 10 years old. Honestly, his dedication and passion for the subject made you fall in love with him even more every time the boy would get so hyped when he spoke to you about it. Fair enough you found the subject so boring but something about the way he spoke about quantum theory or one of those old dudes that are plastered on his physics textbook made the subject come to life. He worked immensely hard to even get the grades to get into Apollo, and you couldn’t be more proud.

“What about applying for Apollo? They do some ND-level courses?” Jaeyun says as he scrolls through his phone. He has been trying to help you pick a college for over an hour in his bedroom. You both agreed Busan or somewhere close would be the best option since you both couldn’t imagine doing long distance. ‘It wouldn’t work, I would miss you too much.’ Jaeyun has pleaded when you were entertaining the idea of looking at some in Seoul.

“Babe I am not applying for a smarty pants college.” You laugh and reach for his face taking his glasses from his face. “Although,” You place the glasses on the bridge of your nose, “I would look good as a woman in STEM.” A smile creeps on your face as you seductively look over the frames of the glasses and see Jaeyun bite his lip. Never once has he uttered it out loud but he does have a thing for you in glasses, a fantasy of dressed in only them as he fucks you until they’re steaming up slithers into his mind more times than not.

“My girl looks good all the time, but STEM would make me want to wife you up right then and there.” Placing his phone down beside him he leans over until his face is mear centimeters from yours.

You know what he was looking for, that face of lust painted so obviously and god did you want to give into him, he’s irresistible. But it had to wait and you unsubtly let him know by placing your pointer finger on the middle of his forehead and push him back. “Jaeyun, this is serious,” you say pouting looking back down to the laptop in front of you, “I need to find a college or else I’m gonna be stuck here in my parents’ house forever, and only see you like once a month or something.”

“Y/N, you’ll find something in Busan okay? And if not I’ll look somewhere else. My grades are good enough to get in anywhere.” It's a subtle brag but you know he’s right, he might be the smartest person you know in all fairness but that doesn’t mean he can just give up his dream school that he’s spent countless sleepless nights studying to get into. His effort to get into this school more than proved that him not going sounded like the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“I am not letting you drop your dream college because I’m too thick to even get into one measly college. It’s your dream I’m not letting you ruin your chances.” You half-joke before Jaeyun speaks up again.

“You’re my dream, Y/N. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you, you know that.” His serious expression makes you a little uncomfortable. Hearing him say he’d throw his aspirations for you hurt your heart and you didn’t know why. Maybe because you spent your relationship with him watching him work hard for opportunities to enhance his future and in a millisecond he would give it all up, and for someone like you? It seemed ludicrous.

“Jaeyun don’t say that,” discarding your laptop and shuffling towards him you put your hands on his shoulders and squeezed tightly, “I didn’t watch you need an IV drip from studying so hard just for you to throw it away.”

“I might not get in.” And you laugh, your hands loosening from his shoulders to cup his neck.

“You’re a shoe-in, baby.” A smile forms on Jaeyun’s lips at your encouragement. You always wondered why your boyfriend had such a hard time believing in his own abilities, if it was possible you wish he could see himself through your eyes, maybe then he’d understand how truly remarkable he is. “I’ll find a college, don’t worry.” Bopping his nose with yours you take the glasses off your face and place them on his nose. “Let's look at Yangsan-Si, it’s only 30 minutes away from Apollo. I think they have that independent college.”

Looking up at your laptop you feel Jaeyun’s puppy dog eyes on you and you turn around to see him still in the same position, “Babe? You okay?”

“I mean it, Y/N. Anything you want, I’ll do it. If colleges in Busan don’t work I’ll find somewhere else. Take up an apprenticeship or whatever.”

“Jaeyun, it’ll be fine!” You try to lighten up the atmosphere but his face is stern and his body is tense. “What are you so scared of?” your voice is shallower than usual trying to read him but it seems impossible.

“I don’t want you to leave me, and that’s what long-distance means right? We’ll keep up talking the first few weeks, then we’ll be too busy to talk every day so we Facetime for what? 30 minutes every weekend, then we just stop talking altogether and turn to texting because it’s easier. You’ll find someone less clingy, more handsome, he’ll be there to give you attention and we’ll break up. I can’t watch that happen.”

Smiling sadly you try to hide the burning feeling in your chest as you watch Jaeyun’s mind scramble and come up with this whole plot point you didn’t even think was an option. Does he think about you both not working out often? You etch forward and take his hands. “Jaeyun,” you say waiting for him to look at you before you continue, his watery eyes slowly look up, “I will find a college near Busan. I will be right beside you for as long as you want me. And we will never break up okay? You don’t have to worry about it.”

Deep down you felt his concerns too. And with him saying all this, talking about how long distance wouldn’t work, it made you start to overthink with what ifs. But right now you had to convince Jaeyun everything would be fine, convincing yourself in the process.

His nod lets you breathe a sigh of relief and kiss him lightly on his plumped lips. “I love you so much.” His words make you smile and kiss him a little longer this time.

“I love you too. Now come on and help me get into college. I need that big sexy brain of yours.” Jaeyun’s heaved-out laugh hits your ears and you both spend the night applying for random schools, easing his mind a little.

________

Rejection. Rejection. Rejection.

Opening the next email you sigh, another rejection, your 7th to be exact. It had been two months since you applied for colleges in Jaeyun’s bedroom and time was ticking. You had 5 weeks to get accepted at the earliest, thats when Jaeyun was set to move to Busan, when you were moving with him.

You could never forget the day he got the acceptance letter to Apollo. There was a rapid chap at your door causing your dad to whip the door open angrily, “Who the fuc- Oh, Jake. What’s the big rush?” Your dad calmed down as he saw Jaeyun and his cheesy grin on the other side of your front door.

“Is Y/N here? I need to see her.” His eyes shifted to the upstairs where he hoped you’d be.

“Go on up.” Your dad's head flicks back in the direction of your room. Without a second passing, Jaeyun is taking his shoes off and running up the stairs, missing a step each time. “Who is it?” your mum says to your dad as he laughs. “I think Jaeyun got into college.” Your parents were so proud. Jaeyun had opened your door in a flash and saw you at your desk studying for exams. He examined you; your hair tousled, baggy sweatpants, and the old football jersey he gave you after he won his first game of high school. “Beautiful,” he muttered loud enough to gain your attention.

“Jaeyun? What are you doing here? I thought I was meeting you later?” He strides over and extends his arms sharply, holding an envelope in his hands. The action made him look so young and innocent, like a toddler proudly handing their mum a drawing they did in the nursery. Gingerly you take the already torn envelope and withdraw a letter.

“Dear Mr. Sim,” you read out loud, “We have received an overwhelming amount of applications for the Mathematical Physics BSc Honours program. We are delighted to offer you a place…” You trail off, “Jaeyun, you got in?” Re-reading the letter you squeal and jump up to hug him, “This is amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you!” You exclaim. Genuine happiness is felt between the both of you and Jaeyun’s grip tightens around you. “You fucking did it.” You whisper as he pulls away. His face is brighter than you had ever seen, his future coming together like perfectly matched pieces in a puzzle. You envied him a lot in that moment.

Snapping out of your memory you mutter a ‘fuck’ as you lock your phone and make your way to class. Apparently, you weren’t good enough for Busan, or Yangsan-Si, or Gimhae. Nowhere wanted you. The prospect of not getting into college suddenly weighed down heavily on your shoulders. You had picked courses about things you enjoyed through school, or rather, got decent enough grades in but it wasn’t enough. There were two colleges left that you are impatiently awaiting replies from. One a mere 20 minutes away from Jaeyun and one 4 hours away on the outskirts of Pyeongchang. Obviously, you neglected to mention this choice but it was apparently the easiest one to get into and you didn’t really think every single other choice would reject you having confidence at least one would offer a conditional place.

There is only one chance.

Walking somberly into class you see Jaeyun wave you over, his chair turned from his desk to face his friends beside him. “Baby come here!” He shouts over to you gaining attention from the other people in your class. The thing about Jaeyun is that he wasn’t quiet about anything, especially your relationship to many of the girls in your class’ dismay.

Smiling at him widely, your once dampened mood is now gone. He had a habit of being able to do that. You go to take the seat next to his friend Jay but before you can pull out the seat Jaeyun is pulling you onto his lap and circling his arms around your waist to situate you in a comfortable position.

“You guys are disgusting.” Jay groaned but Jaeyun paid no mind to him, kissing the back of your shoulder and smiling, giddy at intimacy.

“It's a good thing you guys are going to college together, think my man here might die if he isn’t with you for more than 3 minutes.” Kai chimes in jokingly, slapping Jaeyun’s right shoulder lightly nearly hitting you in the process. That sinking feeling in your chest slowly bubbles its way back up.

There is only one chance..

“Yeah, he wouldn’t last a day if you were long-distance.” Jay continued on to Heeseung’s statement.

There is only one chance.

“As much as I love you all saying my relationship grosses you out,” You start to stand up and remove Jaeyun’s hands, “I need to pee before class starts.” Hiding your discomfort from the conversation you press your lips to Jaeyun’s, “I’ll be back in a minute.” His hand trails down your arm and squeezes your hand.

Quickly you walk out of class and head to the bathroom to compose yourself. It’s not that you don’t think long distance could work for you, it's that you know long distance won’t work for him. All the previous conversations swirled in your head mixed with your doubts.

A ping echoes in the empty bathroom and scramble to unlock your phone. You view the notification as it reads Mail: Offer Update: Kyungsung University. Your heart is in your throat as you read the outcome.

Rejection.

There is no more chances. Shit. You’re gonna lose him. The mirror before you shows the shell of a girl who just lost everything she loves in the space of a minute. Eyes red, lips trembling, a sob escaping your throat, you were crushed. I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go. I’d give up anything for you. Those were his words a few months ago with the weight of his intent still heavy. He would give it all up for you and that was a hard burden to live with.

Another ping comes from your phone and you squeeze your eyes shut to get rid of the tears that blurred your vision. Mail: Offer Update: Avanti College.

Your eyes widen quickly opening the email.

Dear Miss L/N,

We have received your application. With much consideration, we would be delighted to offer you a place at Avanti College for the studies of Film and Media. As you would be aware our school terms start earlier than others, thus, we have sent you a link to our module assigning system for you to quickly choose your classes. These are filling up and you should confirm these as soon as possible.

We look forward to seeing you next month.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Suh Kyung Min

Head of Recruitment.

You smile brightly as you read the email over and over again. You got in. Granted, film studies was the only course at this college with spaces left, but if you weren’t thinking about that, you could learn to love it. It was also 4 hours away from Busan. 4 hours away from the love of your life. Your shoulders sink down and the smiles fades from your face.

You had two choices; tell him you didn’t get into college and have him drop out of his dream university, ruin his future, all for you, or, don’t tell him and go to college, leave Jaeyun without an explanation so he doesn’t destroy everything he’s worked for. That would mean leaving your family and friends behind too because they would cave in and tell Jaeyun where you went. If you just left without a trace he would have no choice but to go and live his future the way he was supposed to.

The second option feels right. There is no way you are going to be the one to leave Jaeyun’s future desolate, you couldn’t offer him a future better than the one he had already set out for him. So you just won’t tell him. Did his happiness and future mean more to you than your own? Absolutely. And fuck did that stab you in the heart.

Looking back in the mirror your eyes are drooping, depressed, void of any happiness you register now you have another choice; make this the best few weeks with Jaeyun, or slowly break away to make the situation easier on you both. Deep down you knew even if you stayed away during this period he would find a way to see you, so you accepted it, giving your undivided attention to him just as you have all these years. Give him all the love you have.

3 weeks. You have 3 weeks before you’re away to live a completely new life. You have to remind yourself why you’re doing this, why you’re hurting yourself by leaving your only love. It was for him, all of it.

_______

Two weeks until you leave for Pyeongchang and you’ve gotten good at concealing any hurt you feel. Jaeyun kept asking if you heard anything from colleges but you just shrugged and changed the topic. He was getting suspicious but you just kept reassuring him there was still a month left and most of the colleges you applied for were clearance so they tend to do it last minute.

With exams over and school finally ending the only logical solution was for your year to host a party. A BIG party. Now you all could legally drink it just meant more alcohol being brought and because the chances of you seeing any of these people again is practically zero, you really wanted to let your hair down. You spent most of these days in worry and dread that you didn’t just want to get wasted, you needed it.

Ryujin and Yeji were on their way to pick you and Jaeyun up from his house - Yeji got stuck on DD duty after losing rock, paper, scissors and she won’t shut up about how unfair it is. Jaeyun was already dressed in his blue double denim outfit accessorised with a graphic white t-shirt, some old silver chains hanging from his black D&G belt, rings that you’ve felt on your throat more than once displayed on his fingers and a pearl necklace he got as a gift from Heeseung. His hair was bouncy and parted the way he liked it, with his forehead showing. Jaeyun was the most gorgeous boy you had ever seen and every day you noticed something different. Walking out of your bathroom you notice how his shoulders have gotten slightly broader.

“Have you been going to the gym?” You question nonchalantly as you fix your earrings, staring at him while he scrolls through his phone. He shrugs and continues with his eyes fixated on the phone. You huff, waiting for your boyfriend to notice you and the clear effort you made in your outfit. The gold two-piece you bought left little to the imagination and you felt so powerful and sexy in it.

Dragging your tongue over your front teeth you walk behind him and rub your delicate hands on his shoulders. “You’ve gotten bigger, width-wise.” You flirt.

“Dunno must be all the extra lifting at work. Shits heavy.” He mumbles, liking pictures on Instagram as if you aren’t there. Usually, you would be offended but you learned that sometimes Jaeyun is just a little dense when it comes to attention. So you take matters into your own hands.

One of your hands never leaves his shoulder as you circle to his front, one leg hiking over so you can straddle his lap, head tilted as you wait for him to look at you. Finally, but not nearly as quickly as you want, he looks at you, his mouth open as his eyes trail up and down your body, absentmindedly locking his phone and throwing it not caring where it landed. “Fuck.”

You nod and smile coyly, biting your lip. “Do I look good?” Your fingers dance up his chest and wrap around his neck as you shift your weight slightly until you’re sitting right on his clothed dick.

“Shit, Princess you look fucking ethereal,” Jaeyun says as his hands rub your arms until they find their way to your waist, “Do we have to go? I don’t want anyone else to see you like this.” He laughs and kisses your lips, his eyes looking up at you with adoration.

“Yes!” you exclaim, “I wanna get drunk and dance.” You shuffle off his lap and pull his hand so he’s standing. Instinctively, his arms circle around your waist. “Plus you get to tell everyone this,” you point to yourself, “is all yours.” Your boyfriend's eyes roll but he bites his lip, probably the sexiest habit he does.

“Baby don’t tempt me, I’ll go into that party and put on a show so they know who you belong to,” You moan as his hands grab your ass, and his eyebrow quirks. “Oh? Do you like that idea? So I should just bend you over in the middle of it and fu-” Swiftly you clamp a hand over his mouth and laugh.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.” Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes. “You’re so horny all the time.” He shrugs again and takes your hand that’s placed over his mouth, kissing your palm before he intertwines your fingers with his. “We better head down and say goodbye to your parents.” Sauntering away he pulls you back and kisses you deeply taking your breath away.

Jaeyun groans as he tastes your cherry lip oil, the same taste he’s had the pleasure of devouring for 3 years. Desperately his hand grabs your waist and pulls you closer. He can’t get enough of you and honestly, he doesn’t think he ever will.

“Jaeyun,” you whisper against his lips but he simply keeps kissing you, his tongue invading your mouth when you speak only making him crave you more. “Baby, we need to go,”

“No,” He whines and picks you up, your legs wrapped around his waist, “can’t wait to punch guys in the face for looking at you too long.” his voice whispers in between kisses and you throw your head back laughing.

As your actions expose your neck he places kisses all over, focusing on a spot just above your freckle, a gasp escapes your lip. Jaeyun is sucking and biting at the spot and you realise what he’s doing and your eyes fly open, “Jaeyun!” you warn him but he keeps going and it feels too good to stop.

Pulling away he examines his work and smirks. A hickey. A big red soon to be deep black and purple hickey starts to appear on the base of your neck. “There.” He kisses it once and then proceeds to look in your eyes innocently. “Everyone will know you’re mine.”

Rushing to the mirror you see the red mark and sigh, half annoyed half amused. “What are you? 13?” A rumbled laugh comes from behind you.

“Just possessive. Can’t have another Sunghoon situation now can I.” Jaeyun jokes but it makes you wince. You try to forget that birthday night as much as possible. “I can’t lose you. Not for anything.” His sweet words turn over in the acid of your stomach. You think about what you’re going to do just two weeks from now and you feel sick. You have to tell him, but you can’t. This is what’s best.

Putting on a facade you smile and kiss him on the cheek and walk by him. “That won’t happen, babe.”

A honk from outside diverts both of your attention and you scurry downstairs, eagerly awaiting the party that lies ahead.

Arriving at the party it’s already in full swing, classes from all over the city have come to celebrate the end of an era. Looking around at the dim lights, strobe effects, and some people making out in the corner you wonder if you were actually in a club rather than someone’s house.

“Who’s house is this?” You ask no one but Yeji turns around. “Kobayashi Daigo. Was in your class for like 2 years.” She laughs and shakes her head. In her mind, she knew she shouldn’t be surprised you don’t know him considering you only ever spoke to Jaeyun or your friends.

“I’ll get you a drink, baby, come on.” Jaeyun whispers lowly and guides you towards the kitchen, his hands on either side of your hips. There was something about his big hands on your waist that made your whole being melt and just follow anything he said.

When you get to the kitchen you see a bottle of Tequila Rose with your name on it and as you pick it up there is a strong hand taking it from you. “Princess, you want a double?” Jaeyun takes the bottle and starts to pour his own and eyes you as he awaits your answer.

“Double.” You smile mischievously as you watch the liquid pour into the glass. The pink drink is brimming to the top of a tall shot glass as you lift it to your lips, your eyes never leaving Jaeyuns’. “Cheers.”

“Cheers, baby girl.” He slams the shot on the worktop and then downs it, his Adam’s apple bobbing harshly as he swallows the soft shot. You can’t take your eyes off him as you swallow your drink.

“You’re so hot.” You murmur still looking into his eyes and he chuckles at your statement, pouring another shot.

“To us, to Busan, to forever.” He cheers and takes the shot of happiness, while you chug the shot down and it suddenly tastes bitter. You need about 15 of them to forget the man in front of you is the one you’re leaving.

Suddenly it’s 3 hours later and you’re drunk, still aware, but are one drink away from hanxiety the next day. “Love, dance with me.” Jaeyun licks your ear and leads you to the middle of the living room which serves tonight as a dance floor. Pressing your body against his you start to dance to whatever pop song seems to be playing in the background, your hips swaying against him, your arse pressed to his groin and one hand reaching to the back of his head, the feeling of pure bliss overtaking you.

You can feel his cock growing hard beneath you as you grind into him. You look up to him but his eyes are fixated on someone else at the other end of the room. Sunghoon. Internally you cringe thinking about what happened last time, and honestly, the black-haired boy has been nothing but respectful towards you after your birthday, but that doesn’t mean Jaeyun doesn’t feel his shoulders go rigid as he sees the attractive guy’s stare burn into you. Sunghoon's crush on you never left and Jaeyun was all too aware. He had to show Sunghoon you were his girl, so, Jaeyun’s hand slid down the front of you, his middle and forefinger dancing over your skin. “Jaeyun, what are you doing?”

No answer. But as his eyes fixate on the boys across from you, he smirks and slinks his fingers up your skirt, bypassing your underwear. A gasp suddenly leaves your lips as his fingertips ghost over your clit. “Jae…there are people around, let's go somewhere- '' A hard press to your core stops your sentence and you lose all sense of yourself, Jaeyun’s thumb now rubbing your nub. The music surrounding you is suddenly muted, and the air is too hot as two of his fingers invade your entrance hitting the spot that has your legs shaking. Jaeyun smirks as you try to hold your groan in, his eyes on a furious Sunghoon. It had been over a year but Jaeyun still liked to rub it into dear Sunghoon that he got the girl. “I’m serious, Jaeyun.” you whisper but his fingers only increase the pace, kissing your neck softly, tracing over his previous mark on occasion.

“You want me to stop, baby?” His voice is hoarse and mocking, and all you can let out is a moan, tossing your head back onto his shoulder, not caring if the whole party sees him touching you. His fingers move faster and with more urgency as he feels you clench around him. “Good girl.” thankfully the lights were so low and everyone was beyond obliterated due to the overconsumption of alcohol that no one was noticing, well, everyone but Sunghoon. “Come for me, Princess, show them it’s me that makes you feel this good.” His lips trace your ear as he picks up the pace, eager to get you off. His eyes are not leaving Sunghoons’. Your high comes crashing over you as his fingers hit your sweet spot and thumb traces your clit harshly, it takes every part of you not to moan like a common porn star. Sunghoon awkwardly coughs at the sight and turns away embarrassed and absolutely livid.

You however are riding out your climax on your boyfriend’s fingers. “Fuck, Jaeyun.” you breathe out and he chuckles behind your ear, turning you around to face him.

“Good?”

“Fantastic.” You laugh until he sticks his fingers into your mouth, letting you taste your own release and you whimper, lapping his digits with your tongue. “So beautiful.” He whispers watching you.

This party was exactly what you needed.

________

Two days until you leave. There is an aching in your chest as you attend your job for the last time. It was a shitty convenience store job but you loved it deep down. The regulars, your boss, the people you worked with. You won’t miss the bright blue uniform though. You remember the day you told Jaeyun you got the job and he acted like you became the CEO of some high-end company. ‘My beautiful hard-working girl, I can’t even begin to describe the pride in my heart’ the memory of him picking you up and kissing you all over floods every inch of your body. The way he kissed you and the way his eyes sparkled as they bore into yours, that grin that was plastered on his face as he suggested congratulatory sex - he would use any excuse.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Jaeyun comes behind you wrapping his arms around you and his lips kissing your neck softly. You sink into him, his usual citrus with a woody undertone engulfs your senses. Biting your lip you try not to get caught up in this feeling. “Miss me?”

“Jaeyun I’m working,” Turning around you look into his big, shimmering eyes and suddenly regret everything you’ve been doing. To him, to yourself. He simply smiles and kisses you lovingly, one long everlasting kiss followed by small pecks, feeling his smile with each one.

“You get off soon, just bail.” His plump pink lips trail down your jaw and land back on your neck. It's hard not to give in to him.

“Baby, let me finish.” You pout and try to focus on stacking the shelves of the local mart.

Jaeyun’s hands grip your hips harder leaning in to whisper in your ear, “I can make you finish if you want.” His teeth nip at your earlobe and you feel his smirk appearing. This boy will be the death of you. Jaeyun revels in the effect he has on you as he can almost hear your heart beating through your chest. He thinks only soulmates can notice minute things like that.

“I will attend to your every need when my shift is over, but for the next 20 minutes these cans of butter beans have my full attention.” He laughs and kisses you.

“Butter beans…I love it when you talk dirty.” You slap his chest lightly and laugh. You’ll miss this. Maybe you should just tell him, to change your plans. You could find work in Busan surely. One look at him and you’d drop everything for him, hell, you were even planning to skip the end of your shift just so he could fuck you in his car. You needed him. That was the problem. You needed him, relied on him.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind you smile up at your puppy boyfriend and wrap your arms around his neck, “Sim Jaeyun you are the most infuriating person I have ever met.”

The sun creeps in the shop windows and lights up his face as he smiles and pecks your lips.

“You love me though.” He declares proudly, his teeth showing as he beams widely.

“So much.” Too much.

“Good, then hurry up and get this shift out the way so I can have you all to myself.” With that he kisses you, biting your bottom lip as he pulls away. Jaeyun finds you irresistable whenever he sees you and his heart bursts with pride that you are his. “I have a surprise for you.” His eyebrows raise cheekily as he bites his lip and he leaves the store in a hurry. He goes to double-check he has everything he needs.

While you were at work you had no idea Jaeyun was planning anything.

Jaeyun phones Heeseung to check in and make sure everything is set up. Heesung doesn’t appreciate the interrogation considering the plan was actually his idea but he lets his best friend away with it considering this was a big deal for him.

“Yes Jake everything is set up, i followed your strict to-the-point plan exactly as.” Heeseung rolled his eyes affectionately over the phone. He loved Jaeyun so much, being the only one of his friends that left for college early was hard, but he came back when he could and he would be damned if he missed this.

“Thanks, mate. I owe you one. And the r-”

“In the glove compartment. I told you, everything is sorted.” Jaeyun exhales and checks the glove compartment to see the white box. It's prettily decorated in a pink bow with the edges dusted in silver glitter, “She’ll love it. You know she loves everything if it's got something to do with you.” Heeseung’s voice blares through the phone with endearment.

If there was one supporter of you and Jaeyun it was Heeseung. Every day he had to hear about you through Jaeyun, he felt like he was part of the relationship with you. He had to sit through Jaeyun describing every outfit you wore, every time you changed your perfume, and every new song you recommended because it reminded you of him, Heeseung has been through it all. "Jake, stop overthinking it, you guys are meant to be and if it doesn't then I don't believe in love" he laughs through the phone and Jaeyun joins him. It isn't a question in his mind if you're going to be with him forever, it's a fact.

"Shit, she's coming. Thanks again, mate." Jaeyun hangs up quickly, hiding the box in the pocket of his car door. You've changed into your usual jeans and t-shirt and to Jaeyun you look like the most beautiful being to ever roam the earth. "Hey, my love."

"I wish you would have told me we were doing something, I would have brought nicer clothes with me."

"You say that like aphrodite doesn't worship the ground you walk on even in jeans." Jaeyun passes off the comment nonchalantly but your heart flips within your chest. He had a way with words that no late teen should have the possession to have. Beautiful and gorgeous weren’t good enough adjectives for him to describe you, he always had to go a step further because to him you were worth more than compliments that are used on pets and under celebrities' Instagram posts. Even if he couldn’t fathom the right words to describe you he was still going to try his hardest to make you feel like the most exquisite human in the world.

As you buckle your seatbelt, face still flushed, you hear Jaeyun fiddling with the music. His car was a shitty little black 1998 honda civic he got for pennies from an uncle looking to make a quick quid. It was so old it didn’t have an aux but rather was graced with a cassette player. Jaeyun didn’t mind because it meant he could make cute mixtapes like in the old 2000s movies. One he even made for your road trip you took during Christmas break filled with all the songs that reminded him of you, most of them being love songs with the one accidental Hotel Room Service by Pitbull in there because he couldn’t figure out how to get it off. It soon became your song.

“I think I’ve made the best mixtape of all time,” Jaeyun gloats as he wags the cassette tape between his fingers before slotting it in, “you will love it.” Jaeyun spent the good part of yesterday perfecting each song that went on it and always with you in mind. The first song that blared was ‘Love is All Around’ by Wetter.

“My favourite song.” you mutter and look at him adoringly, noticing the smile creep onto his face clearly proud of himself. His hand clasps yours as he brings it to his lips and kisses it gently.

“It’s slowly becoming my favourite too.” He turns to face you with love glazed over his eyes. You could cry right there. No one will ever love you as much as Jaeyun does. “You know they’re playing a show in Busan in the fall. If you want I’ll grab us tickets since we’ll be up there anyway.” His head turns to pay attention to the road, his hands not leaving yours as he moves the gear stick. Sickness submerges you and the colour rushes from your face. God, why are you doing this? This is so silly just tell him.

“Jaeyun I-”

“I’ll buy the tickets next pay. They’ve had tickets sat there for a while so I don’t think they’ll sell out within the two weeks.” He interrupts and in a way you’re thankful. Swallowing the lump in your throat you thank him and turn to look out the window, your hand still snug in his. Jaeyun notices how you’ve clammed up but he leaves it for now. He knows when to ask you if anything is wrong and it is not right now.

The whole car journey takes about 32 minutes and Jaeyun held your hand and squeezed it intermittently for 31 of those minutes, that 1 other minute he used to take a few gulps of water. His mouth was dry from the anticipation, of going over everything he had planned in his head. It had to be perfect, you didn’t deserve anything less.

“We’re here, Princess.” Jaeyun’s voice and the car coming to a stop pull you out of your thoughts and you smile softly at him. He puts a finger up indicating for you to wait as he gets out of the car and rushes round to your side to open the door, “Right this way.” One hand opened the door and the other elongated to point towards the grassy hill. Nothing was worse to you than walking up a hill but you’ll let it slide this once since your boyfriend has put so much effort into whatever this is.

Side-eyeing him you get out of the car trying not to fall which in your case happens far more often than you would like to admit, “Making me walk after a 6-hour shift should be criminal.” You say as a pout forms on your lips.

Jaeyun’s face however is beaming, “Ah see I knew you would complain about that,” He starts, “I’m going to carry you.” He kneels down in front of you with his back in your sight, “Hop on, baby.”

“You cannot be serious? Babe, you can’t possibly carry me up there.” His head turns and eyebrows furrowed as he stares at you with a look of confusion.

“Does my girlfriend not have any faith in her very strong and capable boyfriend?” One of his eyebrows raises as he scoffs seeing the look of disbelief written on your face. “Trust me,” he pats his back, “get on and have some faith in your man.”

A genuine laugh erupts from you and you oblige with his instruction. Straddling his back you hook your legs around his waist as he hoists you up almost effortlessly, “Have you been working out?” you ask curiously. Lifting one arm and posing with it he says, “Babygirl I’ve been packing these guns since I was a kid, John Cena is jealous.” Placing your head on his shoulder you laugh and the sound fills his ears like music from angels. Jaeyun kisses your cheeks and points forward, “To the top!”

“To the top!” You mimic him and he goes forth.

When you reach the top surprisingly with no stops, Jaeyun sets you down gently and you can see his arm veins popping from the tension of holding you up. They’re delicious and it’s the one thing you’ve never been able to get over about your boyfriend and he knows it. In school he’ll roll up his sleeves when he has the same class as you because he knows you’ll be staring, practically drooling over them. One time before coming over to yours he made sure they were protrusive, clenching and unclenching his fists and he was happy with the results of his endeavours, the night ending with you riding his fingers, gripping onto his arms desperate to feel his veins under your touch.

“Baby?” Jaeyun bends forward, his head tilted looking up at you, “you in there?” his hand waving in front of your face snaps you out of your memories as you smile and say a simple “Hmm?”

“I said ta-da!” He exclaims, hopping in his place and outstretching his arms. You follow his gesture and see fairy lights wrapped, or more so tangled, around two trees which illuminate the picnic blanket underneath, two baskets are situated on either side and a bouquet of flowers lies in the middle. You follow the trail of rose petals that lead up to the beautiful scene in front of you. No words can escape your mouth and Jaeyun starts to get nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and letting out a half laugh, half huff. “I know it’s cheesy and cliche but I remember you reading about it in one of your books and saying you loved the idea of a midnight picnic. I know it’s not midnight but-”

The touch of your lips on his cuts off his rambling explanation. Jaeyun’s hands settle upon your waist as he kisses you back sentimentally and with relief washing over his body. You liked it and that’s all that matters.

“Come on,” he pulls away and gives you his hand to take leading you up the petalled scattered path and you don’t take your eyes off him. Your heart is so full and it is breaking all at the same time, “I got you all your favourites; kimchi pancakes, tteokbokki, some chicken and spinach samosas,” he continues listing everything he has prepared but you’re too infatuated by the boy who stand before you, his dark hair shorter than when you first met, the side parting of his bangs framing his matured face, those delectable lips that gave you so much pleasure over the years and whispers sweet nothings into your ears any chance he could. Your eyes travel down to his blue and white striped Ralf Lauren polo-necked jumper, he looked so beautiful, so unreal. He was yours, at least for now.

“I love you, Jaeyun.” You blurt out not even meaning to, just pure raw emotion taking over your body.

Jaeyun has heard you say it a thousand times but it doesn’t stop the hairs standing on his neck and the crimson flush kissing the tip of his cheeks. He noted the undertone was a little different this time, not like you didn’t mean it every time but that this confession was more purposeful than the others. He takes your hips into his hands and looks down at you. “I love you too, Y/N. So fucking much.” His heart swells so big he thinks it might rupture. The next kiss he gives you has you tearing up. It’s so amatory yet pure, he truly loves you and harbours deep feelings not even psychologists could explain, it was more than consummate love, it’s nothing that can be theorised and dissected. It's yours and it's his. And in 2 days you were giving it up. After pulling you down on the blanket Jaeyun starts to unpack the picnic baskets. The smell invades your nostrils and your mouth waters. Everything looks so good.

Jaeyun notices the hearts in your eyes as you stare at the food. He has to thank Jay for cooking it all when he sees him next. His chopsticks pick up the tteokbokki and hover it in front of you, “Here, take a bite, baby girl.” and you wrap your mouth around the delectable food you know he didn’t make. Jaeyun couldn’t so much as cook a simple lasagne without burning it and setting off the fire alarm. Suddenly a laugh leaves your mouth and your boyfriend cocks his head, “What’s so funny?” Waving your hand dismissively in front of him. The image of him wafting a green and yellow dishtowel under the alarm to clear the smoke is imprinted in your brain. It was the first time he cooked for you, your 100-day anniversary dinner turned into his dad airing out the kitchen and giving a long lecture about how Jake needed life skills. “It’s nothing, I’m just happy.” you say honestly. You were so happy here with him.

He hums and you continue like this, eating and laughing under the twinkling lights. As the food diminishes his heartbeat gets louder, more rampant. The reason for this grand spectacle of a date finally showing its head. “Um, Y/N?” His voice is nervous and you put down your plate giving him your undivided attention.

“Yeah?” Noticing the sweat start to collect on his forehead you start to get worried. Did he know? Was he about to confess that he knew your plan all along and he actually did all this to convince you to stay? Is he giving up everything for you? Or is it simply too warm on this May evening?

“Hoo okay so,” He starts and turns his whole body to face you, taking your smaller hands in his shaking ones. “I love you, so much, and uh, okay um,” Jaeyun had planned this whole speech with Heeseung playing you in the scenario, the elder threatening to put on a wig and some eyeliner, “I need to get into character!” he had proclaimed.

Even after all this preparation he still wasn’t sure what to say to you, he forgot all his words as he looked at your golden hour-kissed face that was staring back at him.

He inhales deeply and calms himself pushing out the air slowly. “I love you, and I have ever since that first day at school.” His eyes flicker down to the necklace he got you for your birthday and then meet your eyes once more, "you took the breath from my lungs and to be honest, every time I look at you I still forget how to breathe. I don't know if there is such a thing as soulmates or twin flames or even matches made in heaven but baby you're all of them to me. I curse the stars every night because they get admired for being so beautiful yet you're the brightest one in the universe, you're my sun, my moon, and all the stars. You deserve all the admiration they get and if I can spend the rest of my life looking at you and studying you like I'm some astronomer then I know I've lived my life well."

A pause, two hearts beating rapidly, enough love shared between you both it could probably initiate world peace.

Jaeyun takes out the box from his pocket and gives it to you. His hands are shaking violently. "I want you to know I'm so serious about us, Y/N." Taking the box from his hands it's now your turn to shake. "Open it." he huffs out, head dizzy.

Peeling off the baby pink bow and lifting the lid you see two rings and two keys. The rings are small, and silver, and there is a mid-sized heart on it which contrasts the thin band. Glancing up Jaeyun scoots forward and takes the left ring out, "Before you freak out I'm not proposing," a half-hearted laugh leaves his mouth as he takes the ring between his thumb and his pointer finger, never taking his eyes off it, "This is my promise to you that from now until forever, I am yours. A pinky ring," he takes your left pinky and slides it on slowly, "until I can get you a wedding ring."

Tears are streaming down your face as you laugh at the adjusted lyrics he's managed to embed in his speech. The ring fits so perfectly on you. Jaeyun had them handmade and saved up every bit of his wages to get them. They were simple because at the end of the day, he's still only shy of 19 and hasn't exactly got cash streaming in but for you, it's more than enough. Enough to show his undying and devoted love to you.

"And this," he picks up one of the keys, "is the key to our flat in Busan. I know we should be living in dorms but I struck a really good deal with a sweet landlady. Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you, and if we live together then I'll see you all the time." Jaeyun smiles sheepishly looking at the key as he places it in your now ring-cladded hand.

Don't think I could go a day in this life without seeing you.

The tears streaming down your face once ones of happiness are now overbearing with sadness. You were letting this almost too-perfect boy go, all for the fear of losing him in the long run. It didn't make sense but it was too late. Your mind made itself up. It was easier to leave him now and cut ties than watch him break away from you piece by piece. Surely that hurts more.

Fixing your gaze on the key you sob and Jaeyun starts to panic, "Baby listen if it’s all too fast we ca-"

You forget how many times since you've been dating that you interrupt him just to kiss him but here you are for the nth time. You're cupping his neck as your thumbs situate themselves on his cheeks and he feels the cold ring against his skin, a small smile appearing.

Your hands find their way to his shoulders and massage them lightly. Jaeyun doesn’t beg for any reassurance because in his mind this is enough. Your kisses and touch are enough of a yes for him.

Jaeyun suddenly picks you up and carries you back down to the car. “I need to make love to you so bad but it won't be in a car.” His voice is disappointed but you knew Jaeyun wasn’t a big fan of fucking in the car. You’ve done it twice before but to him it didn't give him the space he needed to 'do you right'.

The car journey is filled with silent but desperate touches. Jaeyun is speeding to his home recklessly, all he is thinking about is you. He glances at the pinky ring and smiles; you are his, and he is undoubtedly yours.

As he parks in his garage and you both make your way up the stairs you feel him pawing at you desperately. Jaeyun pushes you into his room, his lips on yours messily and needing.

“Princess,” He groans as he feels your hand press against his groin, “you’re dangerous.”

You laugh, the last genuine one you’ll let out for a while you think. This will be your last time with Jaeyun, you decided on the way to his home.

His hands grab the collar of his t-shirt and yank it off in a smooth motion, leaving his bare chest in your eye line, the hickeys you gave him last week faded but still scattered. Quickly, he bends slightly, gripping your ass tightly and picking you, his lips all over your face. He lets a quiet ‘so beautiful’ escape his mouth.

“Jaeyun, fuck I need you.” He nods into your neck, gently putting you on the bed, his chest not leaving yours as he feels up and down your body.

“I know, Princess, you’re gonna be a good girl, and wait though, yeah?” The arrogance in his voice just turns you on more, declaring that you’re his good girl in a huffed-out moan that gets him out of his trousers in record time. The button of your jeans is undone and he tugs them and your underwear off, leaving you bare. “All mine.” he whispers to himself as he kisses up the inner of your left thigh, lingering longer the closer he gets to your center.

It’s so wet, desperate for his touch it’s like it’s crying for him. “You’re so wet baby, don’t even think I need to prep you.” He presses a butterfly kiss to your clit teasingly and you rapidly shake your head.

“No, Yunie, please.” You slip out the nickname that only seems to come out when your brain is so fogged in want that you can’t even say his name in full. His breath hits your sensitive spot when he chuckles at how desperate you are.

His hands crawl up to the top of your thighs to hold them down and open as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. Your hips push up, seeking his mouth where you need it most. Jaeyun presses soft warm kisses across your core before tracing his tongue slowly upwards.

Your hands find their way to his hair, gripping harshly as you plead for more. Being the perfect boyfriend he is he complies, groaning softly as he feels your desperation in your fingers tugging his hair. “Tell me what you want, love. Tell me what you need.” His voice is low and husky, his tongue working you faster awaiting further instructions.

“F-fingers. I want your fingers.” All sense of shame leaves your body every time he fucks you, not caring if you sound needy.

His tongue slides over your clit, hearing your plea, then gently moves his right fourth and middle fingers up to your heat, circling your entrance. “These fingers?” His mocking tone causes you to groan in aggravation, just yearning for him to do it. He swiftly pushes them inside you, opening you up. He watches for your reactions to make sure it’s pleasant for you and by your open mouth and head thrown back, he’s okay to continue. They hook into you and move back and forth in a smooth and sensual rhythm, touching you the way you like it.

Feeling your walls contract he knows you’re close to the edge, “Gonna cum on my fingers baby? So soon?” He inserts another finger which only adds to the pleasure running through your veins, the stretch feels magical.

You’re a moaning mess as he finds your sweet spot, thrusting harshly as he works it. “Let it all out, Princess. Show me how I’m making you feel.” His voice alone could send you tipping over, but it’s his tongue flicking your clit and sucking it that had you screaming his name loud enough for the whole house to hear. He doesn’t stop you, loving the sound of his name falling from your lips. “That’s it, angel, doing so good for me.” The three fingers continue inside you, helping you ride out your orgasm.

Panting, you get up on your elbows and look down at him, his mouth glistening with your release. You stare at him a bit longer, mentally capturing the image and keeping it locked away for a day until you need it again. On a day he isn’t with you. Any day after tomorrow.

“You’re so hot when you cum like that. Like I’m the only one that can do that.” Jaeyun mumbles against your skin as he kisses from your thigh to your stomach. His mouth feels the vibration as you laugh and he looks up, puzzled.

“Jaeyun, you’re the only person I’ve had sex with, of course you’re the only one that can do that.” He looks down at your stomach and laughs with you. Before the next sentence makes you feel like you’re stomach is in knots.

“And I’ll always be the only one, until the day we die, you’re mine forever, Y/N.” It’s innocent on his part but you feel sick as his kisses return to your abdomen. He won't be the only one you touch and you won't be the only one to touch him. “You’re thinking about something,” He doesn’t look at you but lays kisses on your chest and neck until his eyes find yours, “Tell me.”

His iris’ bore into yours and you push down whatever thoughts you have, determined not to ruin your last night with him. “Just that I want you to fuck me.” The back of your hand strokes his cheek and a flip switches inside him that went from concern to lust.

Grabbing a condom from your drawer he slips it on with earnestness.

The head of his cock is suddenly at your pussy, sliding up and down. He slaps it a few times against your clit, his signature move and you can’t get enough of it. “Say please and I’ll think about it.” There he was, typical Jaeyun, but you knew he was just as needy as you were at this point.. As you let out a whispered ‘please’ he kisses you, his tip penetrating, “Good girl.”

A deep breath leaves him as your walls squeeze him. He’s slow and teasing, filling you up slowly at first until he can’t hold himself back and his thrusts become more urgent, determined to make you feel good. Your combined moans echo around the room as you both lose yourself in the moment of the intense act.

Jaeyun’s left hand finds yours, clasping tightly as he fucks you hard. A loving smile plasters over his face when he looks down at your joined hands and feels your matching pinky rings sit next to each other, his love for you so evident, so pure, even in this lustful moment. His heart is filling with adoration for letting him be yours. Bringing your hand to his face he kisses your pinky tenderly.

Your body is so overcome with love and emotion that you start to cry, crying over the love you have for him, the love you’ll lose.

“Hey,” His voice a whisper as he stills in you, “Princess, are you okay? Did I hurt you?” The concern in his voice drifts through our ears and you move your head from side to side.

“No baby,” He hasn’t hurt you, but you’re going to hurt him and it makes you cry harder. “I love you so much.” You sob and laugh knowing how ridiculous this looks on the surface. Jaeyun smiles adoringly at you, the hand that once held yours now wiping your tears away.

His lips kiss the apples of your cheeks to clean the last bit of wetness and sighs, “You had me worried, sweatheart.” He brushes your hair off your face and says, “I love you too. Till my last dying breath.” A sob leaves you again but Jaeyun’s soft thrusts bring you back.

As his hips find the perfect rhythm again your worries leave you for the time being and focus on how good he is making you feel. “S-so good.”

“Yeah?” The cocky face he has falls into a pleasured one as your cunt squeezes him tight, “Jesus fuck, Y/N, take me so well. Love you so much.” The way the raw emotion is pouring out of him you beg yourself to do something reckless.

“The c-condom.” You say breathlessly and he slows down, one of Jaeyun's eyes opens

as he comes out of his aroused daze and mutters a ‘huh?’, “The condom, take it off.” His eyes shoot open and he stops again to your annoyance.

He re-adjusts himself, his hands placed at each side of your head. “I don’t think I heard you right.” Jaeyun was always cautious, always careful. Not once, despite his sometimes desperate need, has he ever fucked you without a condom. “You want me to fuck you without it?”

“I need to feel you.” His cock sits half in you making it easy when you slip off him, “I want to feel it all.” He leans in with his forehead against yours, his breathing ragged and his chest moving fast. “Please.”

Running a hand through his hair now perched on his knees above you he thinks about it. “You’re still taking the birth control?” He sees you nod and point to your desk where you keep all your medication. “Every day.”

He huffs and mutters, thinking about what consequences could come from this.

“Fuck it.”

You smile at him, grateful. If this was going to be the last time you had him, you needed to have him completely without barriers. He peels off the wet condom and throws it in the bin beside your desk before crawling forward back on top of you. “You sure?” Nodding you wait for him but he doesn’t move, “Use your words, Princess.” His hand holds your cheek as he awaits your verbal permission.

“I’m sure, Jaeyun. Fuck me.” It’s almost like the first time you had sex with him when you lost yourselves to each other, a new experience to share. Another first.

After your confirmation, he slowly enters you again and Jaeyun wishes he had done this sooner, feeling every bump of your walls cuddle his cock overwhelms him and he lets out a low groan, almost collapsing on top of you and cumming right there and then.

You match his experience, feeling pleasure like never before. “Jaeyun…” You slip your hand down to circle your clit but he slaps it away, “Nu-uh, mine.” His possessive tone and his raw cock have you convulsing around him, two seconds from bliss. His middle finger rubs up side to side on your hard sensitive nub, exactly what you were going to do but better, and you cum for the second time, but this wave so hard that the breath is knocked from your lungs.

Jaeyun doesn’t let up, feeling your raw pussy cumming around him only has him striving for release, the sooner the better. If he doesn’t cum soon he might get addicted and never let his dick have a rest. “That’s it, baby. So fucking beautiful when you cum on my dick like that.” His thrusts get sharper, more determined, and focused as his head falls back, “You’re so fucking perfect. Made for me, only me.” You cry out as he continues to rub your clit and pound into you, he’s overstimulating you but you don’t care, you need it.

“Cum inside me baby, fill me up, please, please.” You grab his face and stare into his beautiful big eyes and he cums. So deep. So beautiful. You feel every drop coat your walls, giving you the feeling of utter bliss. His mewl is loud and his hips stutter inside you, continuing to spurt his seed like an ever-going fountain, he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop.

“Fuck, Princess. Pussy is taking it so well.” Jaeyun’s kiss is welcomed on your lips as you smile, aware of the cum leaking past his cock inside you and onto the sheets.

As you both regain composure and your eyes meet you both laugh loudly, his body weight falling on top of you. “You’re fucking incredible.” He kisses along your breasts for a while before easing his cock out of you, the sight of his white cum dripping from you almost makes him hard again. He is so pathetically in love with you, and this just made him wish the ring he gave you was an engagement one.

His hands reach out for yours as he stands up, “Come on, Princess, let me get you cleaned up.” You take his hand gladly but he abruptly lifts you bridal style and stares at you, “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

_____

The next morning you wake up with your boyfriend's naked body draped over you, his ring shining in the sunlight. This is it. You had one more day with him but after last night you couldn’t risk another second with him. Every inch of your body is saying your reasoning doesn’t make sense. If you were so in love you could make long-distance work. But you had made your bed so now it was time to wallow in it.

Busan will have lots of pretty girls, far more spectacular and interesting than you will ever be. He’ll be fine. Deep down you know this will hurt him but Jaeyun is strong, he’ll get over it.

Getting dressed quietly and stealing glances at his sleeping figure you hold in tears. You’re so stupid for this. You’re leaving the love of your life because you’re scared of losing him.

Silently, you slip the ring off your pinky finger and place it on his dresser. The thought of leaving a note crosses your mind but as your boyfriend stirs you realise there is no time for that. You need to leave while you can.

As you sneak out the front door, the sun is shining but there is a bone-chilling breeze that cuts through you, you know it’s going to pour down later. Your phone vibrates with an email from your college. During the night you emailed to ask if your accommodation would be ready earlier and you presume this is the reply.

Mail: From: Avanti College RE: Housing Enquiry.

Dear Y/N L/N,

I am responding to your inquiry regarding accommodation. The room is available as of today, however, there is no concierge available to give you your keys. Your assigned roommate has been made aware of your occupancy and is expecting you today and will let you in. Please collect your accommodation key on the date previously arranged.

Kind Regards,

Cho Min Woo

Head of Accommodation and Living.

You let out a breath you never even realised you were holding. It’s now you against the world and a roommate you don’t know whether hates you for intruding early or couldn’t give two shits. Making your way home you start to run, you need to grab your bag, book a bus, and go. No looking back and definitely no overthinking.

Thankfully you took the liberty of packing earlier in the week so you could make a mad dash out the door if needed but you still had to let someone know where you were going. The last thing you needed was your face being posted all over socials on missing persons blogs, they didn’t need to think you were dead. So when you enter your bedroom you grab a pen and pad that are sitting on your desk and scribble a note to your mum and dad. You don’t go into detail, just the basics saying you need a fresh start in a new city. You contemplate whether to include the college but they’d just drive up and drag you home, or worse, tell Jaeyun.

As you sign the note with your name you’re holding your breath and tears. No more seeing this room, or your parents, or Ryujin, or Jaeyun. You fucked up so bad but you need to see this through. For your future. If you give up on your plan now you really don’t have a future and you’re stuck here, and to you, that is scarier.

_______

Incoming Call: My Love <3

Missed Call (67) My Love <3

Missed Call (34) Dad

Missed Call (23) Mum

You sigh and turn your music up. The bus is fully loaded as you managed to book one of the only two coaches leaving for Pyeongchang. Your hands are shaking as you click on the messages sent by Jaeyun.

07:30 am Princess, where are you?

07:30 am Are you coming back to bed? xx

07:49 am Y/N I’m getting worried

07:52 am Pick up your phone baby please talk to me

07:52 am If I pushed you too far yesterday I’m sorry…

08:16 am Why are your parents saying you’ve left?

08:16 am Baby don’t do this

08:17 am What does your letter mean ‘I need a fresh start from everyone and everything’

08:17 am You aren’t leaving, right? You’re not leaving me, are you?

08:23 am Please please please

The messages continue down the same route until the very last few sent only minutes ago.

10:32 am I will search every part of this country until I find you

10:32 am You can’t expect me to just forget about you? Will you please answer your fucking phone?

10:34 am Y/N…I can’t make you answer me, or love me, but just know I love you and I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m leaving for Busan in two weeks. Come home then and you won’t hear from me again. Don’t leave your parents like this baby they can’t lose you.

10:34 am I can’t lose you but if it's what you want…I’ll go.

A new message pops up on the phone from Jaeyun as your eyes are blurred with tears.

10:41 am: I love you, I won’t ever stop. My heart is yours, always. Until the sun stops shining.

You let out a sob so loud the whole bus turns to you. Putting a hand over your mouth you bow in apology and proceed to block everyone’s number, when you get to Pyeongchang you’ll get a new phone.

________

Jaeyun’s heart hasn’t stopped breaking since you left. He thought you were happy about your future together, all for you to have planned a whole other life without him. It hurts. Physically and emotionally he doesn’t have the courage to do anything but try and understand you.

Did he read you wrong? Did he force this foreseeable life on you? Did you just not want him? It’s impossible for him to comprehend and it’s driving him crazy.

As he pulls up back to his house he sees Heeseung’s car in the driveway. He can’t deal with this right now. He loved Heeseung of course but he just wanted to go home and try and think through everything that had happened this morning. Sighing, Jaeyun makes his way up the stairs, ignoring his parent’s questions of ‘Where have you been?’

“Jake my man! Tell me how it went, you went radio silent last night, I’m presuming that meant it went well.” Heeseung says wiggling his eyebrows as Jaeyun walks into the bedroom, his head hung low to hide his swollen eyes. “Jake? You okay?”

It’s a question he doesn’t know how to answer so instead he tilts his head back to stop the tears and exhales loudly. “Did-” Heeseung stands up and cautiously makes his way over to the younger, “did she not like it? What did she say?”

Jaeyun looks everywhere but Heeseung, his eyes hazed with tears and then he catches a glimpse of the ring on his table. Uncontrollable sobs leave him and Heeseung brings him forcefully into a hug. “She left.”

The worry that was on Heeseung’s face quickly changed to astonishment. He was flabbergasted by Jaeyun’s statement. “Jake, what do you mean she left?”

“Me, us, her family, she left everything behind.” The crying only got louder the more he spoke, muffled by his best friend’s chest as he nuzzled in further for comfort.

“Let me call her-”

“No use, she won't answer. She’s going straight to voicemail. Not even her mum can get a hold of her.” Jaeyun steps back and fetches the note from his jeans pocket and silently hands it to Heeseung. As Heeseung reads the letter, Jaeyun walks towards the ring and picks it up, anxiously biting his lip as he looks at it. His promise to you lying in the palm of his hand. Jaeyun starts to remember all the times he spoke about marrying you, even when people said young love doesn’t last you both just shut them out. A part of him wonders if they got in your head and he was too wrapped up in everything he didn’t notice, didn’t give you the reassurance you needed. But then, wasn’t this ring reassurance enough?

“What the actual fuck!” Heeseung exclaims, pulling Jaeyun out of his trance. “Jake…fuck, what the fuck is she thinking?” Somehow Heeseung is more angry than Jaeyun. He grips the letter tight and waves it in the air, “So she didn’t accept the ring?” The glint from the silver flashes in front of Heeseung as he stares with wide eyes.

“She accepted it. Last night went better than I could have imagined,” Jaeyun starts, “It was this morning she left.” A slow tear falls from his right eye as he finally makes eye contact with his best friend. “What did I do, Hee?”

Nothing. Heeseung knew the puppy-like boy had done nothing wrong. With two long strides, Heeseung pulls him back into a hug and almost crushes him with the pressure. Jaeyun liked hugs like this the most, ones that had intent and emotions. Heeseung was fuming and Jaeyun was breaking. Fire and Ice reacting to the same situation.

“You did fuck all wrong, Jake. I don’t get what's going through her head.” He huffs and pushes Jaeyun so he is arm's length away, his hands gripping his shoulders as he stares into his eyes, “You did everything right, she’s just-”

“Don’t. Don’t say anything about her okay? You don’t know her. She wouldn’t do this without a good reason.”

“And what? She couldn’t tell you what the reason was and instead pussied out and left? She should have told you she was leaving last night before she got your hopes up and accepted that ring, no?” Jaeyun knew Heeseung was right but his love for you was still as strong as ever so his instincts kicked in to defend you.

“Fuck you man you don’t get to speak about her like that. I might not understand it now but I don’t doubt in my mind she did it for a reason she thought was valid,” Jaeyun is pushing Heeseung out the door, his voice low, dangerous, “She wouldn’t have told me last night to protect my feelings.”

Heeseung looks his friend dead in the eye, a flame behind them Jaeyun hasn’t seen before. “Yeah? How are your feelings right now then? Do they feel protected?” Silence. The whole house is still as he scoffs and sticks his tongue in his cheek. “Think about that.”

Heeseung storms out of the Sim residence and Jaeyun slams his door. How could Heeseung say that when he doesn’t even know the reasons behind your departure? Jaeyun is envious of him in reality. He wants to be that mad and get out all his feelings. But for now, he’ll wallow in this hurt for a few more days. Everything will come crashing once he leaves for Busan to your shared-

His flat.

#enhypen smut #enha smut #jake sim #jake sim smut #sim jaeyun smut #enha x reader #enhypen x reader #jake x reader

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allwaswell16 · 3 months

Text

A One Direction fic rec of fics where the main pairing is versatile in bed and both top/bottom (or as we say in this fandom they kind of share that really) as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

- Louis/Harry -

🔄 And Then a Bit by @infinitelymint

(E, 158k, canon) Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.

🔄 Like a Bullet in the Dark by Vurdoc

(E, 99k, Will & Kate au) Prince Harold Edward Styles Lancaster is second in line to the throne of Great Britain. He is also your average Uni student- or he tries to be, anyway.

🔄 Have Love, Will Travel by @kingsofeverything

(E, 97k, road trip) Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series.

🔄 Been Together Since Way Back When by @alivingfire

(E, 95k, established relationship) the painfully realistic college au where everyone's poor, lovesick, tired of school, terrified of the future, and still having the greatest times of their lives.

🔄 taste on my tongue by bethaboo / @bethaboolou

(E, 77k, reality tv) Take Louis. Take Harry. Add in a heaping cup of sexual tension. Another cup of delicious (and not so delicious) food. A smidgen of competitive spirit. A dash of hopes and dreams. And you get Kitchen Wars, a TV show that promises to be the must-watch event of the fall.

🔄 Now you know me (for your eyes only) by nadinecestmoi

(E, 77k, famous/famous) harry clearly had someone in mind when he wrote the song so the last day of recording comes and louis’ like “thanks for having me on the song” and harry just shrugs and is like “well it just seemed fitting bc the song is about you”

🔄 After Dark, After Light by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(E, 71k, historical) In an attempt to garner extra protection for his clan, Harry sets out to mend his father's past wrongs and ally with their neighbors to the west, Clan Sutherland. Louis Tomlinson is the mysterious commander of the Sutherland army sent back with Harry on orders from his laird to help shore up Clan Edwards' defenses.

🔄 Teach me how to love by @perfectdagger

(E, 70k, fwb) The one in which Harry is bad at sex and Louis spreads it all over town and to make up for it, decides to help him with no agenda of getting anything from it, but in the end, he ends up getting more than he bargained for.

🔄 Suddenly Last Summer by @disgruntledkittenface

(E, 44k, mystery) Louis is bored, rich and lonely. He has no reason to expect that this summer in the Hamptons with his friends will be different from any other – until he meets Harry.

🔄 best kind of bad something by wildestdreams / @thelavendrhaze

(E, 40k, established relationship) Louis is the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for Harry.

🔄 Every Snowflake Is Different (Just Like You) by @hellolovers13

(E, 20k, only one bed) Turns out, getting snowed in with your not quite One-Night Stand wasn’t actually that bad.But the snow wouldn’t last forever. Was there a chance for love even after the snow had melted?

🔄 Can I just be the same? by Star_Henderson / @tommosgun *

(M, 17k, vampire) Harry is a two hundred year old Vampire with no one in the whole world and Louis is the kind hearted stranger who comes into Harry's life bringing something that Harry had missed. Love. But Harry is forever running, can Louis be the one to change all that?

🔄 I Still Find You Lovely by @angelichl

(M, 16k, one night stand) In which Harry goes to a bar in search of a bloke with an air-conditioned flat.

🔄 Salt and the Appetite by @sadaveniren

(E, 14k, bdsm) Harry, a popular BDSM blogger, writes a negative review about Louis’ club. Louis wants to have a chance to make it up to him.

🔄 getting yourself wet for me by me_her_themoon / @dreamersdivin-headfirst

(E, 10k, secret relationship) frat boys take on watersports

🔄 Just For Me by iwillpaintasongforlou

(E, 9k, Posh/Becks au) Harry is a supermodel with a fake boyfriend. Louis is the captain and star forward of Manchester United with a fake girlfriend. They should have no problem having a completely platonic lunch between friends.

🔄 Going Green (so fucking green) by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright *

(E, 5k, pwp) Harry just really loves being used, and Louis really loves Harry. Who is he to deny him? Or: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle but make it BDSM

🔄 Switching the positions for you by 28sunflowers / @vintageumbroshirt

(E, 4k, omega Louis) the omegaverse AU where they decide to try a completely new position in bed

🔄 From the Dining Table by @littleroverlouis *

(E, 3k, established relationship) Harry's thirtieth birthday hasn't gone as expected. Things start looking up from the dining table.

🔄 Eager To Please by @enchantedlandcoffee *

(E, 1k, pwp) "Ah, ah." Louis tsked disapprovingly, the younger boy's actions immediately halting. "You want to be a good boy for your Daddy, don't you?"

- Rare Pairs -

🔄 honey, we should run away by narryblossom

(M, 18k, Niall/Harry) It’s… kind of nice, actually. But being a nice house doesn’t take away the sting of what Harry’s done or what he’s asking Niall to give up by moving there.

#weeklyficrec #1dficvillage #1dsquad #hlcreators #hljournal #trackinghome #trackinghappily #hltracks

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sitp-recs · 5 months

Note

Thank you so much for your recs—they are fantastic! I wondered if you had any for Draco and Harry becoming friends at (and eventual lovers) at Hogwarts (doesn’t have to start with 1st year, but can!). Thank you!!

Hi there! Happy you’re enjoying the recs 😊 I got a couple recs, the majority is 8th year since I don’t really read canon rewrite AUs. I hope you enjoy these!

Thermodynamic Equilibrium by DorthyAnn (T, 5k)

Harry's far too hot. Draco's always cold. And somehow against all odds, together they create a perfect equilibrium.

Good Company by Greenflares (T, 8k)

With Hermione and Ron always together, Harry's return to Hogwarts to complete his education isn't exactly fun. Somehow, it's his unlikely friendship with Malfoy that keeps him sane.

Stand Back: I'm About to Perform Archaeology by Blowfish_Diaries (E, 10k)

A new Muggle Studies professor takes the Eighth Year students to work on an archaeological excavation. In which Draco is lazy, Harry is sweaty, Hermione is drunk, and Ron turns red.

Nice Things by aideomai (M, 22k)

The first thing that happened was Theodore Nott came back from France.

Makes Me Stronger by Lomonaaeren (E, 29k)

Rita Skeeter’s Harry James Potter: An Unnatural History is a best-seller, mostly due to the fact that Skeeter’s collaborated with a photographer who’s infused the pictures in the book with Harry’s actual memories. As Harry struggles to survive the storm consuming his eighth year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy becomes an unexpected ally.

On Our Way by evils (E, 30k)

Draco is trying to spend the summer keeping his head down, but a repair project and a certain snowy owl have other plans for him.

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss (E, 35k)

It was announced, just as the Triwizard Tournament had been, at the start of term feast. A year-long, international Quidditch varsity match — the inaugural Wizarding Academy Cup. In which Harry is Hogwarts' star Seeker, Draco is on the bench, and they both have a thing or two to learn about playing for the same team.

Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch (T, 43k)

The problem with living with another insomniac is, eventually, they find out you’re one, too. When Harry and Draco return for their eighth year, they think they’ll see very little of each other. Then McGonagall assigns them to room together. And the castle starts breaking. And there’s that thing with Potter’s magic.

The July Tree by @oknowkiss (E, 51k)

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail… nor well-meaning friends, nor questionable communication skills, nor seven years of hating each other’s guts can keep Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy from falling in love.

The Promise of Summer by Omi_Ohmy (M, 67k)

How was Harry supposed to know that coming back for eighth year would be so confusing? Everything is the same, and yet not the same. And nowhere is this more obvious than with Draco Malfoy. Harry finds himself once more watching and following Malfoy, trying to work him out. When they are drawn together to heal the castle, Harry doesn’t just find Malfoy - he also finds himself.

Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (E, 88k)

Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.

Helix by Saras_Girl (E, 93k)

Seven months after the end of the war, Harry is feeling lost. Fortunately, he is about to be offered an unexpected and sparkling chance to find himself again.

Changing Tides by carpemermaid (E, 109k)

Draco has spent half of his life spouting the things his father has taught him without much thought about how he feels about what he says. When he unexpectedly comes face to face with the Dark Lord, he grapples with the harsh realities of the world and struggles with his changing views on life.

Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (E, 114k)

Unnerved by the attention he’s attracting from everyone – the Slytherins are the least of it, to be fair – and struggling with a raft of changes to Hogwarts itself, Harry wishes he could be happy that one constant remains: Draco Malfoy really fucking hates him.

Twist of Fate by Oakstone730 (T, 300k)

Draco asks Harry to help him beat the Imperius curse during 4th year. The lessons turn into more than either expected. A story of redemption and forgiveness.

#asks #magtops #Drarry reclist #8th year friends to lovers #slow burn

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katelynnwrites · 1 year

Text

It’s All My Love (You Got All My Love) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: major fluff

word count: 2114

summary: felicitas has all your love

a/n: part two of Think I Forgot How To Be Happy, Something I’m Not (But Something I Can Be)

‘Felicitas!’ You manage to greet, before the German player has you wrapped in her arms.

She spins you around and you laugh. The door of her apartment is kicked shut, Felicitas far too occupied with you to close it properly.

‘I missed you.’ Feli mumbles as she sets you down gently.

‘I missed you too.’ You admit and Feli’s eyes light up.

Her hands grab onto yours and she leans down to share a kiss with you.

‘Felicitas.’ You breathe, eagerly chasing after her lips when she pulls away.

‘Feli please.’ You half beg and she obliges.

Two weeks away from her at national camp was far too long and now that she’s here, you can’t get enough of her.

‘I made you dinner.’ Felicitas tells you, in between kisses.

‘It’s gonna get cold.’ She tries.

Switching it up, you become a little firmer with your kisses. Feli groans and lets you.

‘What did you make?’

You keep kissing her and Feli struggles to answer.

‘Your favourite.’ She gasps eventually.

‘You’re too good to me.’ You confess and Felicitas shakes her head.

‘No…I promise you, you deserve to be happy. I’m just lucky that you’ve found it with me.’

‘Believe me, I’m the lucky one.’ You answer and Feli simply pulls you back into her arms.

******

Felicitas hands you one of her earbuds and you hand her Cinnamon’s leash.

‘Come here Cinny.’ Feli says and then grins as her poodle runs up to her.

Cinnamon stays still long enough for Feli to clip her leash on and then she’s jumping around, excitedly waiting for her walk.

You laugh and open the German player’s apartment door, making your way outside. Feli passes you her poodle’s leash so that she can lock her door.

It’s a little cold so you tuck your hands into the pockets of Feli’s hoodie.

Initially, Feli had lent it to you, with every intention of getting it back but now she’s learnt that she likes you in her clothes and you’ve learnt that you like wearing her clothes. Feli smells so good and her clothes smell just like her.

Cinnamon barks impatiently and Felicitas laughs.

‘Okay okay I’m hurrying.’

Feli finishes locking her apartment door, hits the play button on her music and then takes your hand in hers.

You grin at her choice of music and Felicitas simply shrugs, kissing your cheek lightly before letting you and Cinnamon lead the way.

******

Feli sighs happily as your fingers comb through her hair.

You massage her scalp lightly and Feli leans back, letting the back of her head rest against your legs.

Running your fingers through her hair again, you begin braiding it. Felicitas starts to doze off and you’re just finishing the braid when Jule and Lena come barging into the rec room.

Feli jumps at the loud noise, eyes flying open in panic.

You laugh, pulling her up, off the floor and beside you on the couch.

‘Go back to sleep Felicitas. It’s just Lena and Jule.’

The German player mumbles indistinctly, pushing her face into your shoulder.

Stroking her hair gently, you let her fall back asleep. It takes some skillful maneuvering on your part to get her laying down without waking her, with her head in your lap but you succeed.

You keep up your ministrations, even as more of your teammates file into the room.

Felicitas sleeps soundly through several rounds of card games and the resulting disagreements. Nothing is too trivial for professional athletes to be competitive about.

Lena, Jill and Lynn seem to subscribe to the above sentiment, their playful argument growing in volume.

Still, Feli continues to sleep. Her chest is rising and falling with even breaths when Sveindís sits down beside you.

The young Icelandic player glances at Feli for a moment before saying, ‘I’ve never seen your girlfriend with a braid before.’

You softly answer, ‘She’s not my girlfriend.’

‘And you’ve never seen her in a braid before because she doesn’t know how to braid her own hair.’ You add lightheartedly.

‘Oh. It’s just that you both seem so close.’

‘You mean you’ve seen us kiss.’

Sveindís flushes with embarrassment, ducking her head and looking away.

You chuckle, understanding her confusion, ‘It’s okay. We aren’t officially dating but I know what I mean to her and she knows what she means to me. I think that’s enough right now.’

******

‘Dinner at my place tomorrow?’ Feli asks, smiling when you agree.

It wasn’t like she expected you to say otherwise. It is routine now, for you to come straight from the airport, to her apartment after international breaks.

‘I miss you Felicitas. See you soon.’

‘Miss you more. Have a safe flight.’ Feli tenderly says before blowing you a kiss and ending the video call.

Kathy snorts. Her roommate had been calling you every night of the international break and she thinks that she’s never seen Feli so soft. Not even with Cinnamon who Feli had once swore was the love of her life.

‘When are you going to actually ask her to be your girlfriend?’ She asks.

‘She knows that I’m hers and I know that she’s mine. Isn’t that enough?’

‘Feli…’

Felicitas sighs and then admits, ‘I don't want to push her. She’s still healing and I’m willing to wait until she’s ready. For now, I don’t need a label on what we are.’

******

‘Hey you.’ Felicitas drops a kiss onto the top of your head.

‘Hi.’ You grin.

Feli lightly tugs on the Germany hoodie you are wearing.

‘You look good in my clothes babe.’

Your heart flutters but you don’t know if it’s because of the way she’s looking at you or the pet name.

Your cheeks turn red and Feli hums, ‘Can you paint my nails for me please?’

‘Of course.’

Felicitas hands you her box of nail polish bottles and you ask, ‘What colour are you wanting?’

Feli hums again, ‘It’s up to you.’

That’s how you end up sprawled on Feli’s bed, Cinnamon beside you as you blow on her freshly painted nails, to dry them more quickly.

‘They’re pretty. Really subtle.’ Feli laughs, looking at the rainbow nails you had painted for her.

Each of her nails are a different colour and you had left kisses on the tips of her fingers in between your painting.

Giggling, you admit, ‘I couldn’t help myself.’

The German player chuckles, admiring her nails before glancing at you.

‘Do you think they’re dry yet?’

‘I think so.’

Touching her nails lightly, you give her a smile when you realise that they are in fact, dry.

‘Good. Because I really want to kiss you now.’

‘Okay.’ You whisper and Felicitas takes this as the go ahead to slide her fingers into your hair as she brings her lips down to meet yours.

******

Wolfsburg wins the league.

And Feli chases you around the confetti strewn pitch with a bottle of champagne.

‘Feli.’ You breathe, when she finally catches you, drenching you in alcohol as she tumbles down on top of you. You’re flat on your back, Felicitas trapping you beneath her.

She supports herself with one hand, making sure she doesn’t put too much of her body weight on you.

The empty bottle of champagne is left forgotten and Feli’s breathing is a little heavy but she carefully pushes sweaty strands of your hair out of your face with her free hand.

‘Felicitas.’ You murmur and she nods, understanding the intensity of the emotions in your eyes.

She can hear your breathing catch and knows that your heart is pounding in your chest.

‘Not here. I promise you that we’ll have time later.’

******

Later as it turns out, is back in your apartment, one of the few times that Feli’s ever been there.

She doesn’t care about that now though, too busy slipping her hands under your shirt.

‘If anything gets to be too much, you tell me okay? I’ll stop.’

Feli’s fingers reach the band of your bra and you shake your head.

‘I need you to verbalise this for me liebling.’

Felicitas emphasises her words by keeping her previously wandering hands still. The feel of her warm hands on your bare skin is driving you crazy.

‘Don’t stop. Feli don’t stop.’

The desperation in your voice is clear but Feli waits for you to say what she’s been waiting for.

‘I swear I’ll tell you if I need you to stop.’ You promise and Felicitas decides that’s good enough for her.

Your shirt ends up on the floor, next to hers and you never have to ask her to stop.

******

You wake up in an empty bed but one with warm sheets so you know that Feli hasn’t left you alone for long.

Anxiously, you pad out into the rest of your apartment, looking for the German.

You find her in the kitchen.

‘I didn't think you’d be up yet.’ She sheepishly murmurs when she sees you.

‘You’re here.’ You whisper, rubbing your eyes to make sure you’re not seeing things.

‘Of course I am. I would never leave you.’ Feli assures you.

Walking up to her, you wrap your arms around her waist and rest your head against her chest.

Felicitas brushes a kiss onto your hairline in response.

‘I meant to make you a coffee.’

You pull back just enough to look her in the eye.

There’s nothing but warmth and affection in her gaze but you still say, ‘Don’t do that again.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Feli blinks, meaning to take a step back but you refuse to let her, tightening your arms around her waist.

‘I want to wake up with you beside me next time.’

‘Next time?’ She asks, in a mixture of joy and confusion.

‘Always Feli. You’re great in bed but I think you’ll make a brilliant pillow and big spoon too.’

The German player blushes and you laugh before ceasing your teasing.

The next few words you say are quiet and shy.

‘Felicitas I’d like to be your girlfriend. If you’ll have me? I'm ready now.’

Feli kisses you with all the emotion she has in answer.

‘I'd love that.’ She breathes before kissing you once more.

******

Feli teaches you to surf.

Unlike her, you’re not a natural at it but eventually you do manage to catch a wave.

Watching Feli cheer you on, with the sun and complete joy on her face, you know that you’ve fallen for her.

As you sit on the beach with her after, watching the sun set, you lean into her arms.

‘Thank you.’ You whisper.

‘For what?’ She asks, amusement clear in her eyes.

‘Everything.’

Felicitas’ only answer is to pull you even closer and place a kiss onto the top of your head.

******

‘She loves you.’ Feli softly tells you as she watches you play with Cinnamon, on the floor of her living room. The brown poodle licks your hand, as if trying to tell you that she agrees with her owner.

You look up and smile at her.

Feli smiles back and then says a sentence that changes your world.

‘I love you too.’

‘Felicitas.’ You breathe and she takes your hands in hers.

‘You don’t have to say it back yet, or ever. It's okay. I love how we are and I'm perfectly alright if it stays this way.’

‘Felicitas, I'm in love with you.’

‘You a-are?’ She stammers.

‘I am. I love you Feli.’

‘T-That’s so good.’ Felicitas chokes out and she’s just so emotional that you laugh, hugging her tightly.

Feli wraps her arms around you in response, burying her head in your shoulder.

‘Feli are you crying?’ You ask, as you feel your shirt beginning to get wet.

‘No…maybe…they’re happy tears.’

‘Okay.’ You giggle, rubbing her back lightly.

Cinny is pawing at you and you tell the small dog, ‘I think I broke your mom.’

Felicitas laughs, her voice muffled when she says, ‘Did not.’

‘Whatever you say Feli, whatever you say.’

Feli takes a few more moments to herself before she looks back up.

Her eyes are a little red and you carefully brush away the remnants of tears on her cheeks.

‘I love you Feli, I’m sorry that I made you cry.’

Your girlfriend shakes her head, a smile on her face as she answers, ‘Don’t be sorry. Like I said, they’re happy tears.’

Gently, she places a kiss on your forehead, your nose, both of your cheeks and then on the corner of your mouth.

‘I love you.’ She says seriously before finally giving you a proper kiss, one with an intensity that lets you know that she means it and that she is your forever.

German Translation:

liebling - love

#feli rauch #felicitas rauch #gerwnt x reader #gerwnt imagine #dfb frauen x reader #dfb frauen imagine #vfl wolfsburg frauen x reader #vfl wolfsburg frauen imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso imagines #feli rauch x reader #felicitas rauch imagine #feli rauch imagine #felicitas rauch x reader #katelynnwrites #uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #woso

395 notes · View notes

bitchlessdino · 1 year

Note

hey nana!!! i read your mingyu, wonwoo and the chan, seungcheol, soonyoung smuts and i loved it!!!<3 i'm wondering if you could write a smut about my biases which are soonyoung, wonwoo and jihoon since after caratland i LOVEEE wonwoo with his glasses and how soonyoung and jihoon looked:) maybe have it like be vanilla? or it could be vanilla leading to hard sex which would be awesome,, i'm fine with anything!!! tsym nana!!💞

-🧽

Pairing: fem!reader x wonwoo x soonyoung x jihoon

Genre: smut

Word count: 5.8k

tags: mentions of alcohol, drunk sex, break ups, mention of cheating, swords crossing, cum swapping, cum eating, double pen, breast play, oral (giving and receiving), double oral(?), act of video recording sexual acts, praise kink, degradation, pet names (princess and baby), unprotected sex, creampie

Summary: The subway train? The bullet train? The soul train?? No...the only way off of heartbreak city is the Homie Train. Translation: do not spare a single one of your ex's friends. You will have to fuck every one of them. It's a guaranteed way.

author note: i kind went wild, i did my thing, i lost myself in sex, im here. with more filth. ha. haha. im ok, I promise. no I'm not

Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @honglynights @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han

“Hae is a jerk. You’re better off.”

He did it over text. “We should see other people,” it said and all of a sudden, tears burned your eyes while your hands were scorching to the touch. You had an inkling this would happen but were not thinking it’d be this soon. Your boyfriend–well, now ex–always made you feel like you were never enough or didn’t care to put in effort despite the fact you were.

It perhaps started around your anniversary when you had planned a date night for just the two of you. Shock drew on your face when he entered the location with not only himself but his friends to follow, three in fact.

Wonwoo, a fellow gamer he met through gaming tournaments and PC cafes. Soonyoung, a guy he met at an EDM concert around a year or two ago and never left. And finally, Jihoon, Soonyoung’s friend, someone just as uncomfortable as you were.

You pulled your boyfriend aside, saying you had only planned it to be a couples' night. It was then he insisted they’d only be here a short while. You’d still have their couple's night, and everything would be fine. But not a word of ‘anniversary’ once came up in the conversation. You should’ve known since then.

They had to have been the genuinely nicest guys you’ve ever encountered. No partner was perfect, but getting to know all three guys made you realize your boyfriend was far from it. Perhaps even the worse of the bunch. While Hae was preoccupied, Jihoon politely and quietly apologized. One, for overhearing your conversation, and two, for intruding on your night out.

You dismissed it, although bitter from the interruption, said what’s done is done and that you were still having a good time. It was the truth. Hae’s friends made good company, trying to make sure you were drinking enough water, eating enough food, and entertaining you just as much as they were each other.

At the end of the night, they were the ones insisting on getting you home early after your boyfriend rejected taking you home himself.

You had done a lot of thinking since then, wondering how you came to this, when you realized they had followed you on social media, a universal sign of friendship. You talked with them more comfortably over time, seeing them almost as often as you did Hae, and eventually, they became your friends too. Despite that, your romantic relationship never improved and here you were, a blubbering mess in front of your new friends.

Wonwoo continued to hand you off tissues while Soonyoung pulled back your hair from covering your face. Jihoon, on the other hand, surfed Netflix for revenge movies that would take your mind off their stupid friend, if he could even call him that.

“Do Revenge, John Tucker Must Die, Carrie. Any of these sound appealing?”

“Why are they all high schoolers,” you asked, sniffling.

“Because teenagers are the most conniving, manipulative creatures on planet Earth. That's why they’re so good at revenge stories. Thought you could enjoy blowing off steam.”

You shook your head, blowing your nose into the cushion felt of the tissue before tossing it in a pile you made before they got here. “They all sound awful. Can’t we just skip to the end of The Glory when she finally gets her revenge on all of them?”

“No way,” Soonyoung retorted, “I just barely got through the curling iron parts. I can’t just skip…or I guess we could.”

He flipped the switch immediately after seeing the pitiful look on your face, caressing the side of your head to hinder any more tears from falling.

“We’ll do what you want,” Wonwoo assured, “as long as you start feeling better.”

He gave you your last tissue, and you mouthed a thank you before Jihoon put on the dark drama and you joined together on the couch. They made the process more manageable–not any less heartbreaking–but you couldn’t understand why it had hurt so hard. He had friends he treated well, better than you’ve ever seen. Why couldn’t he have done the same for you?

You hadn’t planned on it, but the sun had gone down, and you were still accompanied by these three men, two deep in sleep. Meanwhile, Wonwoo had gone off to get himself water. “Want a cup?”

You trodded towards the tall man, still slumped from your emotions but accepting his glass as he poured himself a new one. “You guys didn’t have to come over.”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

You shrugged, “You were his friends first, I don’t know. Isn’t there bro code or something?”

He scoffed, “I think in these situations, we can figure out who’s in the wrong, and you’re perfect.”

Now it was your turn to scoff, finishing off the rest of your water before placing it to clean in the sink for your future self to clean. “If I’m so perfect, why would he break up with me?”

“I just told you. You’re perfect. Hae isn’t. He’s an idiot.”

“Wonwoo, he’s your friend.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about anymore,” he said, placing his empty cup next to yours.

“So what? You’re gonna stop being friends with him because he broke up with me?” You joked half-heartedly.

He thought for a second before nodding. “Yeah…I think that’s the right response.”

You didn’t expect it. This man, feelings more platonic than anything for you, has shown more loyalty to you in the past few months than your ex did in the past year. The tears were finally starting to come back. Wonwoo responded quickly and embraced you. His enormous arms tugged you against his broad upper body, his chin hugging the curve of your head, like two matching puzzle pieces. “I’m sorry you had to endure him. You deserve more than tolerance. You deserve love and care.”

You sobbed harder, staining the fabric of his sweater.

“Y/n, is that you crying? Not again.” Soonyoung quickly came by your side, joining you while a sleepy Jihoon quickly followed behind and embraced you just the same.

You had never felt warm like this. Three guys that had no ties to you besides someone you had a relationship with, now hugged you like they never wanted to let go. Had you met any of them before your ex, you wonder if you’d be crying the way you were now.

You didn’t want the night to end, so you insisted they stayed the night. You let borrow some oversize clothes that could probably fit them snugly and cracked open a few drinks to buzz out the emotions.

“I blame Soonyoung. He’s an awful judge of character. Too trusting.”

Jihoon was already off his rocker after a counted two bottles of soju. He did mention he hardly drank, but now you were understanding why.

“How was I supposed to know he was an asshole,” the culprit questioned, losing it after one singular bottle. This was more alike than they’d like to admit. “He was an alright guy then. A dick to girls too good for him though.”

Your cheeks heated up hearing that, finishing up your first bottle.

“Like he plays Valo, he truly fumbled the bag right here.” Wonwoo slightly stirred, but still stood taller than the rest of them.

You waved your hands in front of them dismissively. “Guys, stop. He–hic–don’t trash talk him just because of me.”

“We’ll do what we want!” Soonyoung shouted. “He’s the one that screwed up first! Imagine a beautiful, nice, pretty, gorgeous, sweet person like Y/n comes…and you break up with them! Huh? Math is nonexistent. I always hated algebra.”

Soonyoung began nodding his head on your shoulder like a lonesome pet, pouting aggressively. “So bad. Hae stupid. Stupid. Stupid just like algebra.”

“Soonyoung, water please,” you requested, nudging the bottle in his mouth, and relieved to see him accept it.

“Yeah, he’s not drinking anymore,” Wonwoo twisted the cap on the bottle with any remainder left and set it aside in a place Soonyoung couldn’t reach.

You sighed, hot in places that could only be done with high intakes of alcohol. You fell back against the sturdy couch as your thighs scratched over the surface of your carpet. “I feel like I haven’t said thank you enough. So, thank you.”

“You’ve said it plenty,” Wonwoo chuckled, “but good to see you happier.”

“You know what I want to see,” Jihoon interrupted, “Hae’s face seeing that we’re here instead of with him at the bar like he asked us to be. Fuck that guy! Y/n’s out here crying, and he wants to go out? Fuck you, Hae!”

Jihoon was one emotionally unstable drunk. You had never seen him like this before. Out of all the guys, he may have visibly disliked Hae the most, and right now it was definitely showing.

Soonyoung hugged your body with all his strength, nuzzling into you. “He sucks. Stupid Hae.”

“Enough, okay. Let’s not talk about him,” you commanded, a small pout of your own forming.

“If I dated Y/n, I’d show how special she is every day,” Soonyoung blubbered. “Give her all the kisses she wants, take her all the places she wants, drive her home, just to wake up in bed with her.”

You lightly nudged the giggly drunk, “Aw Soon…”

“If it were me,” Wonwoo joined, “I’d plan date nights without inviting my friends and it’d be the nicest place in town, spoil her until she beats 3-month-old milk. Make her feel like the only girl in the world.”

You sighed out of embarrassment, covering your face so they couldn’t see the cheesy ass smile that was forming involuntarily. “Wonwoo–”

“I’d just love her.” Jihoon had finally started sobering up to the point his words were comprehensive, but even then he didn’t sound fully there, like truth serum was doing the lord’s work in a way. “I’d do what Hae couldn’t and give her the most love I could ever give because if it was one thing Hae got I was jealous of, it was her love and undivided attention. He wasn’t worth any of it. Now it’s gone to waste.”

That may have hit you the hardest, feeling the waterworks building up again. You got up from the ground to wrap snugly around Jihoon, feeling him stiffen underneath you but reciprocating after taking the moment to process. His hand came up your back in an awkward loop, resting his head on your forehead as he let you cry. He didn’t say anything, but he figured it was what you wanted.

“I love you all,” you sobbed, pressing your lips on the curve of his cheek abruptly. “You’re so nice to me.”

“Y/n,” Jihoon said, now fully sober and conscious of a less-than-sober woman smothering him.

“I mean it,” You kissed the other side of his face, “You’re all the kindest,” –kiss– “Sweetest” –kiss— “Most tender loving guys I’ve ever met.”

You were stamping the man's face all over until you were toppling on top of him. His hands grip the base of your shoulders from falling face-first into his, but now you were staring back into his rounded eyes behind his spectacles. Forehead beaded with sweet, adam’s apple shifting from a harsh swallow, and his shallow rise and fall of his chest against yours.

Your head was telling you all the right routes to take before you took the compulsive one and kissed his lips, grinding yourself on top of him. Jihoon eyes shot open before trying to move his head, away from your lips, slowly realizing he was succumbing to them.

“Y/n–”

“Don’t leave, Jihoon,” You softly whined.

He pulled you up from the ground to place you back on the front of the couch, a phantom of your lips on his. “You’re drunk.”

“So?”

“You’re not in your right state of mind, Y/n,” Wonwoo intruded.

“Like I have been for the past years being with Hae? Like how I was so blind to see the signs of him….cheating on me?”

The surrounding men grew silent, unable to answer.

“You all knew–”

“We didn’t,” Jihoon denied, “We found out from Instagram. We were kept in the dark too.”

You let out a harsh breath, forearm pressed against your damp eyes.

“Fuck it,” Soonyoung spoke up in what felt like forever and pressed his lips against yours, finding you quick to respond.

You climbed against his lap before you started grinding, the salt of your tears slipping past your meshed lips. Your needy moans burned in the collective men’s ears, churning their stomachs, tightening their inseams, and Soonyoung became what they all envied. The outsiders scooted closer to the couple to get a clear view, heat radiating over their bodies hotter than any sun in the galaxy.

Only pure animal instinct ran through you, a longing to get off, gnawing at you like an insect. You ran your hand through his hair, pulling on it to emit his soft whines. Your abdomen tensed up, now pushing your weight against him until you could make the outline of his toned, fit body.

He moaned your name helplessly, hands gathering the balls of your shirt into fists.

“Fuck me please,” you asked through weak whimpers, “Get him off me. Make him go away.”

At that moment, you knew exactly what you needed, sober or not. The image constantly ran through your mind of having dated one of them, any of them. They all would’ve had more potential of a happier future than you ever did with your ex.

Soonyoung completely understood, lifting your bodies from the ground and now on the couch. He shamelessly returned your kiss. His tongue moved at all angles for a taste, and the other men watched like the scene was a car crash, too mesmerized to look away, all while readjusting the discomfort in their pants.

Bothered by their needy presence so close, you pull away from Soonyoung to reunite with Jihoon, feeling more complacency than the initial kiss you shared. You cupped his face gingerly, stroking his soft features before taking his glasses off his face and placing it on the coffee table.

Meanwhile, Soonyoung felt your skin smooth under his palm, tasting the tenderness of your neck. His hands crawled up your back, pawing at the band of your bra before releasing the clasps, your breasts falling gently from the lack of support. Slipping under the underwire, he kneaded your tender breasts, fingers finding your pebbled sensitivity before squeezing, your moans running up your throat.

Wonwoo kneeled with his face toward your back, hands following up your sides as his lips trailed up your spine in soft wonder. The whisper of his breath sends tingles to your body and you arch your back in surprise. This doesn’t scare you, as right now you showed no protest, but his hand hover over the top of your sweats, lightly pulling at the elastic. Cautiously, he slid past the thick material to find your folds, drenched under a mess of your own making. Vicious and thick under his fingers, Wonwoo groaned in your ear. “God, look how wet you are…”

You gasped against Jihoon’s lips as Wonwoo’s finger made himself slip up your fold, a thick layer of film wrapping around his fingers like honey. You shuddered before Jihoon grabbed your head and kissed you deeper, his free hand lost in the depth of the jeans he wore. It was all of the best world together happening simultaneously and now you couldn’t imagine having anything else like it.

“I need to be in you so badly,” Wonwoo grunted, pushing himself up the end of the couch to retrieve friction to his groin.

His fingers dug deeper inside, thumb caressing your clit, as his teeth grazed your skin. You pushed your weight into Soonyoung’s lap, feeling his cock throbbing beneath you. Flushed, you tore your shirt off, exposing your torso for others to worship, and that they did.

Their hands are entangled with your frame, wrapping around every surface of sweet skin. Slowly, one by one, each of them began to tore off the clothes, exposing themselves. Bodies on bodies of fire, inflamed with unbridled lust, determined to make all parts of you quiver under their touch.

The couch wouldn’t have enough surface area, so they moved you to the bedroom. Jihoon’s hands were on your hips, and his lips peppered the nape of your neck. Soonyoung held up your front, latched on to your face with swollen lips. Meanwhile, Wonwoo closed the door behind them, stalking a beat later to enjoy the show.

Your bodies collapsed on the mattress and Soonyoung parted from you to allow Wonwoo access. Wonwoo towered over you, knee bent between your legs, lips languidly moving against yours. “What do you want?” He asked, kisses sweet and heated, “Let us give what your dumb boyfriend couldn’t.”

“Say the word, Y/n,” Soonyoung added, kissing your fingers, your palm, your wrist, and down your arm, “What will make you feel good?”

“Just…” you expelled desperate breath, “Fuck me, please.”

“You have to tell us, beautiful,” Jihoon’s fingers laced through your other hand, kissing the back of it, “What wouldn’t–or couldn’t–he do?”

“...eat me. He couldn’t eat me.”

Wonwoo grinned, “I’ve got that covered.”

You felt him kiss down your stomach, the pads of his fingers pressed into your flesh. His hands began to part your divide, lips tickling your inner thighs. You felt teeth, followed by relieved sighs as his fingers delicately brushed on your raw heat. “Of course, he couldn’t handle you. He wouldn’t know such a pretty pussy if it slapped him across the face.”

His lips gradually moved to the center, wrapping his lips around your entry as his eyes stared back at you like a deep void sucking you into its endless pit. His tongue licked your walls, earning a soft jump from you as Soonyoung and Jihoon help you down by your arms. A moan escapes your closed lips, your teeth driven into your bottom lip in anguish.

“She likes it,” Soonyoung commented amusedly.

“Well, I’m sure anything is better than that asshole…But Wonwoo doing it for you? His mouth feels good on your wet, needy pussy?”

Salvia caught in your throat, you fused into the sheets, “Fuck yes.”

Wonwoo chuckled against your skin before he faced you deeper, burning himself in your arousal until he was sure he’d drown in it. You were like honey on his tongue, rich and pure. Eating you out gave him all and more pleasure than a thousand hand jobs by a thousand of hands. You were pure ecstasy that had been forbidden from the very moment he laid his eyes on you.

The only reason why he stayed friends with your ex for so long was his inner circle, including you. He endured every trash talk, every shit game, every extra hour session to improve Hae’s shitty hand coordination. It was worth it, at least now it was.

“He must be having a full course down there, you sound amazing,” Soonyoung whispered in your ear, hand fondling one breast, while Jihoon had the other. His lips were eating at your pebbled skin.

Your high only rose taller, your body tenser, and you can feel your skin swell up in heat as you clenched around Wonwoo’s tongue. Your climax gushed out of you like tree sap, coating his mouth in your warmth, dripping down from his lips to chin. He tasted what he only dreamt of, ecstasy and clouds. Only filthy.

He reached up to land your taste in your mouth. “How is it? Delicious, aren’t ya?”

“My turn,” Jihoon claimed your lips a second after, envy stemming from his lips as he tasted you himself. His stomach coiled over the filth in your mouth, pouring the thought of ruining you in his head. His cock throbbed at the image of being choked from your sopping cunt that he could only imagine felt good as it tasted. “I’ll get condoms.”

“Don’t.” You stopped, staring back into the man’s eyes in pleas. “I want to feel you, please.”

“Us? All of us?” Jihoon asked to confirm.

You gave him a definite nod, “I’m clean…and I’ve never let him touch me raw ever.”

“Are you sure, princess?” Wonwoo now asked, painfully aware of the offer hot on his fingertips.

“I-I trust you. Please…”

They briefed in quiet thought before agreeing, surrounding you at all sides. You reached up for Wonwoo, pulling him back on you with his cock thick and hard between his legs. Your hand went to claim him in your grip, stroking him from base to tip, the bulging veins up his shaft tingling at your fingertips.

“Careful there,” he cautioned, grinning, “you’ll make me get too excited.”

“That’s what I want,” you mused.

“Looks like Y/n is a little tease,” Soonyoung chuckled. “Let’s see if you can take what you dish.”

Jihoon came to your side before laying a hand on your pussy, lathering your moisture between his fingers and stretching open your folds. The curve of Wonwoo’s cock stood perfectly aligned at your entrance, wetting the head with a delectable sheen. He pushed himself in, savoring the safe haven that was your walls. It was the perfect stretch to his girth and he groaned at the plush felt, practically melting all around him. “Shit…”

“Look how good that pussy takes his cock, Hoon,” Soonyoung spoke, jaw dropped.

“Such a good little pussy,” Jihoon agreed, rubbing your clit, teeth tugging against your earlobe, “You’re gonna make me cum with how mouthwatering you look.”

You buried your grip in the sheets, head throwing as the plunge of Wonwoo’s cock, and you barely made out your request. “P-Phone…”

“Why do you need your phone,” Soonyoung asked in interest.

“S-snap…Hae…”

They were all shocked at first at your request, but pulled up the Snapchat app on the phone anyway, waiting to give you a signal to record. You then added on to the request, “Soon—Mmh—say some n-nice things before sending it t-to him…”

He turned a cheeky grin before pressing record. Wonwoo thrust in you deep, groaned louder, fucked you faster, and naturally spilled obscenities from your lips that ‘putting on a show’ wouldn’t be necessary. His hands roughly pulled your hips to him, as if to use you, bending you to his will, and fuck, did it feel good.

“You see this shit?” Soonyoung mocked. “That’s what fucking sounds like, you moron. Probably never heard her make those sounds before, have you? Funny enough, she likes raw cock, just not yours.”

You let out a guttural moan as Jihoon played with your tits. His teeth scratched up against your breast before biting, sucking, and moaning. You whispered in his ear something only he could hear it’s not long before he does as you asked, dangling his cock in front of you with bent knees. You grasped his shaft, tugging on his skin before fitting him in your mouth, pushing through your soft gags, and taking him deep in your mouth.

Jihoon sounded satisfied just as he looked. He put his hands in your hair before bobbing your head against him, his cock deep-throating you until you’re forced to breathe through your nose. He felt full and thick inside you, itching down the depths of your throat.

Soonyoung pulled the phone closer to you, just hornier watching you at work while he was at work. “Look. At. That. She’s taking his cock so fucking good. What a good girl. So fucking pretty–You’re such a stupid bitch, Hae. I hope you know that by now you never deserved her.”

Soonyoung’s thumb comes into the frame to wipe the overwhelmed tears in your eyes, while your delicious moans were muffled by Jihoon. “His cock taste good, baby?”

You nodded, whimpering as Jihoon tugged you harder, forcing your eyes on him.

“Better than Hae’s?” Jihoon thought to ask, to which you nodded again, only more gingerly as you caressed his bare abdomen.

“Yeah, because Hae’s a little bitch,” Soonyoung egged. “You’ve got to be incredibly stupid to fucking lose someone like this. Well, bye now. Gotta get back to fucking your hot girlfriend–excuse me.” He turned the camera back on himself, visibly stroking his cock—veiny and hard. “Your hot Ex-girlfriend.”

He threw a farewell middle finger before sending it to him and tossing the phone aside. He caressed your head, “How’s that?”

You nodded, a bit too distracted to give a more definite answer.

“Good, now focus on orgasming, hmm?”

You saw Soonyoung’s cock, hard and in its lonesome before tending it, still stroking Jihoon’s. You alternated between the two for a period, letting both feel the inner working of your mouth. It was until you got enthusiastic that you rubbed them against each other, lathering each other your saliva. Their collective moans drowned out other sounds in the room. Vein to vein, shaft to shaft, head to head. With your tongue in between or licking up their lengths, their cocks gilded against each other as smooth as butter.

“Fuck, why does that feel good?” Jihoon whined, still drunk enough to admit some truth.

“Admit it, Hoonie, you like me,” Soonyoung teased between his moans.

Both your hands held them together, stroking them as if they were one. You could feel them bursting with arousal. It was orgasmic to see them cross, but not as much as it was taking them both in your mouth simultaneously, stretching your lips from corner to corner. They may have not pushed far, but your lips wrapped around them so bound and tight, it was more than they could’ve asked.

“Yes, shit…Just, like that, Y/n...You’re driving me insane right now…”

“Taking our cocks so beautifully, baby…Being perfect, good slut…Mmh, spit on it…that’s it…Take us deeper, baby…so fucking good.”

Wonwoo may have amped up his pace for the camera, but he was afraid to lose it. Taking the sides of your legs, he held them up to his shoulders so he could fuck you deeper, bottoming out in you. Your moans vibrated up the two men’s cock, one more sensitive than the other, making Jihoon curse at his limited patience. “Shit…so close…”

“Oh, Y/n…shit…fuck, I’m gonna cum too.” Wonwoo shut his eyes tight, attempting to resist the best he could but for him, the tides were too strong.

Wonwoo doubled over, wailing about his impending orgasm before he released inside you, hot and inevitable. You clenched into the heat, feeling it invade the depth of your core until it meant you were full. It was too late for you to stop your own crash of arousal that followed immediately after. Meanwhile, Jihoon, not wanting to make the same mistake, pulled out of you a string of salvia routing from your swollen lips to his swollen cock. He cupped the side of your cheek, smiling a tired smile, and kissed your face as Soonyoung was still in your mouth.

Unlike his friend, you milked Soonyoung dry, carnally taking every drop of his load he squeezed out between in his deep, aching groans. Either of his hands collapse the side of your head, pushing your lips against the base before dropping it inside you. “Take it, baby, swallow my cum.” Pockets full of cum lumped the column of your throat and traveled like an assembly line as you swallowed.

“Y/n…oh my god, like that…every drop….”

Eventually, positions shifted. Your lips connected back with Jihoon, while Soonyoung covered your backside, eating your pussy like it was the best thing in the fucking world. “Your pussy is the best thing in the fucking world.” He really spoke his mind.

Soonyoung proved himself to be a messy eater, tongue fucking you sideways, while the remainder of Wonwoo’s cum and yours slid all over his mouth. He felt it dribble down his chin, down his neck, even his chest. He was so turned on by such a filthy feast, it made him easy to find his cock. Thrusting and fisting himself, he edged his patience with quick brief intervals, stopping abruptly as soon as he felt close.

Jihoon smiled against your lips as he clashed with your tongue, fighting for your attention with his hands through your hair. “He feel good, hmm? I’m about to make you feel better. Come here.”

You did as he ask, Soonyoung’s lips following after, until the head of Jihoon’s cock prodded at your entrance, wet with teasing. Your whines, barely audible in the kiss, soon melted like milk chocolate, and Jihoon’s cock eased inside you just as easily as it eased out. He thrusted in you at an achingly slow rhythm, while Soonyoung’s eyes followed the motion like memorizing a dance.

“I wish you could see from this angle how she’s taking it.” He spread your cheeks apart, and the gap of your warmth fluttered at the draft the second Jihoon pulled out. “You look fucking delicious, Y/n.”

Soonyoung gave you both a subtle signal before whipping his cock, angry and red at being left out. He steadied your body, Jihoon’s cock insistent on being inside, but that was no problem. Soonyoung teased your preoccupied hole, lubing himself with the pre-made mess, and eased himself in. He now felt what he could only describe as solid euphoria, breath-stealing and innate perfection.

Your molten walls melted around their cocks, and their deep, merciless plunges fill the every crevice of your body, as your back came in a perfect arch. Moans stayed stuck in your throat, trembling in a pleasurable ache. You lost yourself in the fullness you felt letting them fuck you and use you like the toy you’ve become. “F-fuck yes…more please…don’t stop…”

Jihoon moaned after you, lips puckering in pleasure. His head dipped back in the sheets, feeling like he was having sex for the first time all over again. A new, foreign feeling that makes him feel like seconds away from cumming. In soft whispers, he begged for it slow, swallowing his whimpers but showing weakness obvious weakness. It made you absolutely insane. You were the one taking two dicks in you but Jihoon made it feel as if you had to worry about him. You tenderly caressed his cheeks in solace, reassuring him the way you could that you’d take care of him.

Out of your peripheral view, you hadn't noticed Wonwoo until he started talking with his phone in hand. He approached the space above your head, recording the lewd view as his cock was came to your eye level. He tilted your chin up with his middle and index to meet his face, unadulterated dark lust oozing out of his eyes. “So pretty already taking two cocks. They fucking your pussy good?”

“Yes, so good…” you answered, taking every pounding.

“You know what I want, right?”

Your hands were already in his shaft, feeling how hard even after already came. “Yes.”

His hand brushed the top of your head, tugging it back so your eyes stared back into the camera lens. A corner of his lisp quirked up, slowly in a sinfully dark voice he commanded, “Take my cock, Princess.”

Soonyoung held you up from your side, while Jihoon reunited with your tits. Slowly but surely, you leaned in to welcome the head of his cock on your tongue, licking through the slit. In a lewd manner, your eyes drift in a dream-like expression. Your tongue trailing down his length before spitting against the shaft and coating your lips in a glossy sheen.

“You really don’t get it, do you, Hae,” Wonwoo watched you through the screen, resisting the urge to not just completely fuck your mouth senseless at the moment, “Y/n was yours once, but she’s ours now. The difference is, we use our cocks right and put them in all the right places. You, however, will never know,” Wonwoo single-handedly wrapped your hair around his fingers in a makeshift ponytail, “what it’s like to be inside her again. We won’t let you.” from his grip, he pushed your head down to deep throat him, plugging the gap in which you’d normally breathe through.

Your eyes shut, tears burn down your cheek like liquid fire as you’re swirling your tongue around him before he pulled himself out, cussing under his breath. He zoomed in on your eyes, dazed and perfectly fucked, before sticking a thumb in your mouth, releasing a gleeful giggle. You looked like a new person entirely. Unrecognizable. Reborn.

“Did you like that, princess?”

You let out a low purr, “Yes, Wonwoo…more please...”

He sent the video before tossing his phone away and finishing what he started. His cock made himself home in your mouth once again, now savoring the sensation. Wonwoo doesn’t hold himself back now, fucking your mouth despite any physical resistance your mouth may make. It made you feel alive, useful, and last but most important, wanted.

“You look so beautiful, Princess…yes, take our cocks. You’re doing a beautiful job.”

Their praises spoke to you like prayer, descending upon you like a light while committing sin. “Cum, on my cock, Y/n. I can take it,” Jihoon insisted, trembling under your touch. Soonyoung nodded in agreement, legs faltering as expected from going at you for as long as he could. Wonwoo was even starting to look like he’d give in. Bodies covered in a layer of sweat and sex. You were grateful to be gifted another climax, shuddering on top of the begging man while you managed through with limited oxygen.

Orgasm after orgasm, they put you to ruin, and yet you never felt more on air. It felt like it went on forever, but everyone moved with urgency. In the end, they pour their cum into you like it was your purpose, every hole of yours practically leaking with ivory honey. You collapsed on the body beneath you, his tone arms held you in place. He kissed you where Wonwoo left another mess of his and made love against your mouth, and not a thought of anything else.

They stayed the night as planned. Your bodies, now cleaned after a long, thorough shower, cradled against each other in your borrowed clothes. You fit together like pieces to a full picture, not one without the other. You worried about the aftermath the next day, awaiting the utter chaos that could follow, but realized it was your own imagination worrying you because things went as normal.

Smiles on their faces, tender and welcoming eyes, only at this point it made you warm all over, memories of last night flooding your brain.

The only difference was the hundreds of messages flooding your inbox from your ex, and the now deeply intimate connection you’ve made with a group that you only saw as friends. The same deep connection that had you cumming again that same morning.

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