#i pushed the deadlines three times already and faced consequences i can’t do it again

[hiddenworldofmary]

me this morning at 10: i’ll eat breakfast and take meds and work on academic obligations

*realises there’s no wifi, can’t youtube while eating breakfast, what am i to do, panic*

me at 11: i will hotspot my ipad and eat and have coffee and take meds after and work

me at 13: well fuck let’s take meds and get ready for the day and work

me at 13:25: is it too late to take meds have i sat and contemplated decisions for too long, *writes post*

me now at 13:31: fuck (again)

[nosferatvpussy]

distorted lullabies [chapter XV]

Word count: 5,674

Warnings: vulgar language

Pairing: Dracula x female reader

Not the gif I wanted but I was too lazy to search for longer.

AO3 link

_______________

My ears rang with the grating sound of Judge Llewellyn’s voice projecting inside the courtroom. I glanced at my wristwatch. The session should have been over at 4.30pm but it was now past 5. Through the window closest to me, I could see that the sky had lost its orange clouds amidst light blue in favour of pinks and deep blues. Dracula would start calling me incessantly at any moment now, like he’d done yesterday.

Surreptitiously, I slid a hand on my trousers’ front pocket and grabbed my phone. I eased back on my seat to glimpse the screen from under the table. Jane Grisham’s client – my newest client as of yesterday, actually – huffed at my side but I ignored him; my problem was life or death, his was the possibility of ten years in prison which he well deserved. 

No messages from Count Dracula so far, except the ones from last night. I scrolled up the texts. Odd. I dared bring the phone closer to check if my phone was on airplane mode to justify this but I could see three bars at the top indicating that I had signal.

“Are we boring you, Miss L/N?”

I scrambled into a proper posture as I clicked the phone off and hurriedly put it back in my pocket. My eyes met Judge Llewellyn’s up in his pulpit and I forced an innocent smile at his chiding stare.

“Apologies, my lord. Please proceed.”

The prosecutor, a scrawny old man, raised a contemptuous eyebrow at me before he continued scribbling on a notebook. Llewellyn was nearing the end of the session, going over court dates and times, which was indeed boring, and I knew he would email the details later to make sure nobody made any mistakes, so his speech wasn’t as important as he thought.

I rubbed the corners of my eyes as much as my make up would allow to try and clear the sensation that I had sand in my eyes from lack of sleep. I’d gotten only two hours of sleep – that is, if I combined all the moments I nodded off when shuffling through files, otherwise I wouldn’t say I’d slept at all. I had spent the night staring at the window until sunrise, listening to every minimal sound that could indicate that Count Dracula had found me hiding in Mallory’s guestroom. When Mallory finally woke up earlier that morning, I had already gotten ready for work, stuffed all my things back in my suitcase, made us breakfast and sat down with a cup of untouched tea to mull over what I was going to say to Dracula. By the time Mallory and I left for work, I was confident with my little speech but as the day stretched on and exhaustion settled over me, I doubted that I was capable of many coherent thoughts. Facing Count Dracula when my head was a jumble and I could scarcely keep my eyes open wasn’t ideal but I had no other choice. My ten days were beyond over.

Llewellyn briefly interrupted himself as the courtroom’s door opened with a creak. He regarded whoever had entered the courtroom before resuming. Clicking heels approaching me made me turn my head just in time to see Mallory taking a seat behind me with the audience, a stern look on her face.

Without turning away from the court, I leaned back to give her my ear.

“St Thomas Hospital called me just now, they’re letting Renfield out,” she whispered. My foot bumped into the table as if I had just been shocked by high voltage. My mouth opened and closed. None of what Mallory had just said made sense. She placed a hand on my shoulder. “Dracula vouched for him to leave, he’s one of Renfield’s emergency contacts, apparently. The nurse told me that Dracula called them to say that you will be picking up Renfield after release hours tonight because you’re caught up in court duty. Renfield gave the nurse my number so I could notify you. Y/N, how did Dracula know you’d be in court until late? Is he stalking you?”

My head started spinning from the moment Mallory said Dracula had vouched for Renfied, and I failed to process the rest of what she’d said. 

Was he taunting me because the ten days were up? Was it a threat to Renfield’s life? A threat that he could hurt the people around me because I didn’t abide to his deadline? 

“We’re adjourned,” Llewellyn declared, and I shot up from my seat at once, gathering my things as quickly as I could before striding out of the courtroom with Mallory at my side; my client forgotten.

“Y/N, is he stalking you?” she asked again when we were at the Royal Courts of Justice’s halls.

“I don’t know! Maybe. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“You can’t keep seeing him if he is.”

“I don’t really have a choice in that matter, Mal,” I scoffed. She grabbed my elbow to make me look at her. Noting her scowl, I continued, “He’s a client, I can’t deny seeing him if he requests.” It wasn’t a lie but wasn’t the proper explanation either.

“Don’t play stupid with me, you know what I meant. Y/N, if he’s dangerous–”

“He is. He is very dangerous but I can deal with him,” I said, forcing my voice to sound strong to make me believe it, too. I untangled myself from Mallory. “I’ve got to go pick up Renfield. Talk to you later, Mal.”

  ______________________________________________________

“Miss? We’re here,” said the cabbie.

By his tone I knew he had said it at least once before and I hadn’t heard him. 

Renfield should be waiting for me inside St Thomas Hospital with his bags packed and a harmless, sane look in his eyes, at least I hoped. Count Dracula could be waiting in there, too, waiting for me to walk right into his arms. If I was smarter and less tired, I would give the cabbie Mallory’s address, but I couldn’t run forever. 

I rubbed my forehead. Exhaustion made it harder to evaluate all the possible consequences if I walked out of the car and into the hospital. 

“Can you wait for me here?” I finally said to the cabbie. “I’m picking up someone and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“No problem,” he said, glancing at the taximeter with a small smile in his mouth.

I considered my suitcase in the backseat and left, unconcerned. There wasn’t anything valuable in there to a cabbie, unless he had a secret propensity for crossdressing. 

My legs guided me through the hospital as if I was on autopilot while I cast furtive glances at every corner. More than once my heart sank when I saw a tall silhouette at the end of a hallway until I realised it was too short or too skinny to be Count Dracula.

Breathing was a hard task when I neared the psych ward but it was too late to turn back. People passed me, watery eyes and runny noses as a little girl complained that her dad sounded funny and asked her mother why dad drooled all the time and wouldn’t blink. The mother looked at me and I focused ahead of me, pretending I hadn’t heard any of that. 

Nurse Margaret greeted me with a warm smile when I stopped at the nurse’s station inside the psych ward.

“Wondered if you’d really come. Your fiancée said you were quite busy.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“My what?”

“Your fiancée,” she repeated, enunciating the word clearly like I’d missed it the first time. “He called earlier and said that Mr. Renfield will be getting his treatments from home now and that you’d come tonight to sign his release forms.”

“He’s not my fiancée.”

“Oh. I must’ve heard him wrong, then, but I’m sure he said the word bride…” her gaze was lost in thought for a moment.

“Where do I sign?” I asked with more than a touch of impatience. 

Margaret frowned lightly at my rudeness but retrieved a thin stack of papers from below her desk. Using a pen, she pointed at several paragraphs while she repeated without reading, almost word for word, what was written. Because Renfield had been committed on account of violent behaviour he would have to attend psychotherapy sessions inside St Thomas Hospital and see a psychiatrist every fifteen days – Nurse Margaret informed me that the normal procedure was usually every week but Renfield’s doctor had seen fantastic improvement and decided that fifteen days was more adequate in his case until he was deemed mentally healthy. She showed me where to sign and reminded me at each turn of a page that Renfield would be under my responsibility since I was permitting his release. When I was done signing everything, Margaret left to get Renfield.

Minutes rolled by and I paced around the waiting room like I was a caged beast, peering around corners, breath hitching in my chest whenever I heard a man’s voice. Clicking high heels drew me out to the hallway and I exhaled in relief upon seeing Renfield striding next to Nurse Margaret and a male nurse carrying a box. He was dressed in the very same clothes he had been wearing the morning he attacked me but they were clean and looked a little bigger on his frame than they did before. His glasses slid down his nose as he walked. They were too big for his face but he never wore another pair, even when I gave him new ones on his birthday. I smiled as he pushed them back over the bridge of his nose. Stubborn man. He smiled back.

“Happy to leave?” I asked him. 

“You’ve got no idea,” he replied, and surprised me by planting a kiss to my forehead. I froze for a second. He was usually awkward about physical contact with almost anyone. Therapy must have driven another man to crawl out of him. “You didn’t come visit me last week. How was the wedding?”

“Not great,” I said, staring into his eyes. They didn’t change, so I assumed he didn’t know what had happened. He could also be wearing his courtroom face which was just as good as mine, better even. 

At that, Margaret said her goodbyes with a warm smile and told us that Roger, the slender nurse carrying a cardboard box, would accompany us down with Renfield’s books. I noticed Renfield analysing me as I fidgeted inside my shoes and forced myself to stop. Roger tried to make small talk on the way out but I couldn’t give him more than a few words.

The taxi was parked in the same exact spot as before. The cabbie nodded at me, blowing out smoke before throwing his cigarette to the ground and stomping it. My feet hurt as I hurried towards him and my worry subsided a little. I’d made it. Renfield was out and I hadn’t seen Count Dracula. It wasn’t a trap but I still didn’t understand his true intention by doing so. 

The cabbie opened the door for me and I entered the car, relaxing in my seat to feel the coolness of the window against my forehead. Roger placed the box next to me so when Renfield took a seat, it laid between us.

“Why am I out?” Renfield asked in the short pause it took for the cabbie to close our door and round the car towards the driver’s seat.

I stared at him.

“If you don’t know, what makes you think I would?”

“You’re his brid–” Renfield cut the word short when the cabbie threw himself behind the wheel. He leaned forward and gave the cabbie his address. When he spoke to me again, his voice was low over the sound of the car’s engine. “From my experience, the Count isn’t particularly kind and I know he would never do this for me, especially after my little outburst. There must be a reason for this benevolence.”

“At the wedding he said that you could have some of his things shipped from Romania to London. Maybe he has need of them now.”

Renfield gave me a lopsided smile. It was usually the smile he reserved for cross examining witnesses. A venomous snake just before it struck.

“The wedding. Something happened there, didn’t it?” He inquired. I chose to look out of the window instead of facing him. “You won’t look at me, which means I’m right. Please tell me you were smart enough to listen to what I told you.”

Surrender with arms wide open or he’ll hurt you and those around you. Listen to me. He will. 

I surrendered but not fast enough. Not fast enough to take back everything I had done.

“I really should have listened to you,” I confessed. “He did exactly what you said he would.”

“Even though he’s lived a long time, patience isn’t one of his virtues, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t lack of patience,” I muttered. “Actually, he’s been nothing if not patient with me. I went behind his back and it blew up in my face, and you don’t need to chastise me about it. I’ve got enough guilt as it is.”

“What did he do?”

A weird question from him. Finally, I met his eyes again and was surprised to find that I knew the man behind them. 

“Mallory,” I said as a means of explanation. There wasn’t much we could say with the cabbie listening. “She’s okay, though.”

“So are you,” Renfield said as he extended a hand and brushed my hair away from my neck. 

“For now. I owe him an explanation, which I was supposed to give it to him yesterday but work happened. I’m not sure how he’ll–” I regarded Renfield for the second time that night. “You’re worried about me?”

“Of course I am.” He frowned, seemingly offended that I had to ask. “I wear glasses but I’m not completely blind. You haven’t been sleeping,” he said as he tapped under his eye. Covering my dark circles with a decent amount of concealer obviously didn’t disguise it enough. “And you were fidgeting inside the hospital because you were afraid of encountering Count Dracula. Cowardice is a horrible look on you, Y/N.”

“You haven’t asked me what I did to Dracula.”

“It mustn’t have been good to drive him towards Mallory. And why should it matter what you did to him? It’s no excuse.”

“Oh, my god,” I murmured, staring at him in shock as I pieced it together. The kiss to the forehead, his concern, the completely sane look to his eyes... 

“What? Did you think I’d defend him if he hurt you?”

“He released you,” I said. Renfield’s frown deepened as he looked from me to the hospital like I had just stated the obvious. “He released you from him,” I spoke quietly so the cabbie wouldn’t hear it but Renfield did. His face paled until it was stark white in the car’s low light. 

“No…”

“Would you ever speak of him this way if he hadn’t?”

He shook his head.

Letting Renfield out of the hospital wasn’t a threat or a ploy to get me. It was a gift.  However dim the possibility, my brain latched on to the idea that it wasn’t simply a gift, but an apology. Being merciful wasn’t at all like Dracula. It wouldn’t fix what he had done but it was something. If he had freed Renfield out of the goodness of his heart or if he had done it for ulterior motives, it didn’t really matter. I had begged for Renfield and offered myself up in exchange and Dracula had dismissed my attempts. Before, he had never cared how much that hurt me. And now this; an abrupt kindness to make up for his deeds. 

“He wouldn’t– no,” Renfield grumbled. “Why– he, he can’t… he can’t do this to me. I’ll be alone.”

“You’ll have me,” I retorted.

“No, you’re his. I know you are. It’s in your eyes, and you want it, too. You’ll be like him and who will I be, hm?” His voice was thin but carried the weight of restrained emotion. “Nobody, I’ll be nobody. In a few years the both of you won’t even remember me.”

To my horror, twin tears streamed down his face. 

Dracula had called him weak once, and suddenly I understood why he could see Renfield like that. Renfield himself had said that he didn't exist without Count Dracula but I’d deduced he had been made to believe that as a slave. His weeping told of an abandonment I couldn’t understand, and hoped never would. As much as I dreaded the idea, some people can only fathom existence if they have a leash around their neck to guide them. Sometimes the leash is religion or politics, and least often it is a centuries old vampire. It comforted Renfield, I supposed, this feeling of unquestionable certainty, and to have that teared away debased him. 

Revulsion wrapped its claws around my ankles until it creeped up to my face in a scowl. It wasn’t Renfield’s fault that this world had made him like this and I shouldn’t blame him for wanting direction under a tight fist of a warlord, and yet I found that an ugly part of me despised him for it. Did that mean I shared something in common with Count Dracula? One of his defects? 

“It’ll pass,” I told Renfield, looking out the window. “You’ll find your footing again soon. And no matter what you think or what happens, I’ll remember you.”

Despite his desolation, I was glad that he was back to himself. If it made me selfish, so be it. Although I wasn’t sure I was more pleased that Renfield was himself again or that Dracula had done it for me. 

When we arrived at Renfield’s flat in Chelsea, he refused any help to carry his belongings out of the car, so he stumbled out with the cardboard box and his small suitcase. At my request, the cabbie waited until I was sure Renfield was safe inside his building and then I gave him my address. 

I fished my phone from my purse and skimmed through my texts. Still none from Dracula. My fingers started typing before I could really think about what I was doing.

  _____________________________________________________

Count Dracula knocked briefly on Lucy’s balcony door before opening it. She had been lying on her stomach, texting someone, but turned around to greet him with a kittenish grin. The bed’s covers were instantly thrown away with a swift movement to expose her legs. 

“Finally! I thought you were giving up on me,” she exclaimed, rising on the bed to stand on her knees. He allowed her to pull him closer by his jacket’s lapels but when she neared his lips, he turned his face slightly to the side and she kissed only the corner of his mouth. “Nobody ignores my texts, you know.”

“Alas, I did”– he raised an eyebrow– “but you were begging for me and I had to come to put an end to it.”

That elicited another grin from her. A few days ago he would have found it charming, it was odd that it didn’t get a reaction out of him now. He hadn’t spent time with Lucy ever since before the wedding, so maybe that’s all he needed to warm up to her again – time. 

“Tell me you’re taking me out tonight,” she goaded, pouting.

“Don’t you have class tomorrow morning?”

“Yes but–”

“Then no.” He pushed her back on the bed and she fell with a laugh. “I’d rather do this,” he murmured as he climbed on top of her. 

She wriggled under him, doing her best to incite him as she rubbed her neck near his mouth, her hips twisting in need as her legs wrapped about his waist to brush up against him. He let her touch him, and he waited for desire to rise. She whined when he didn’t respond to her advances. 

Nothing stirred in him. He rolled off of her, throwing an arm over his face. His arm was lifted not a second later and he glanced at Lucy as she wrapped it around herself to snuggle up to his chest. He patted her shoulder, gazing up at the star pattern stamped on Lucy’s ceiling. Releasing Renfield should appease Y/N, which is what he wanted, but so far there was no news from her. He couldn’t stay in his home pacing around as he waited for a call. And then Lucy’s text had arrived and he decided it was better to go distract himself. No use so far.

“Did you have fun on your trip?” She asked him softly.

“Up to a point.”

“Did you miss me?”

“No, not really,” he said. Lucy chuckled, as she always did whenever he was too serious. He wasn’t sure if she interpreted his seriousness as a joke or if she laughed it off because she didn’t know how to react. 

“But you’re here,” she continued.

“It seems so, yes.”

He could tell that she wanted him to say that he had missed her but he wouldn’t lie. If she was hurt, then it was for the best. 

Lucy quickly maneuvered herself so she could straddle him. His hands automatically went to her thighs as she settled in a comfortable position. 

“Okay, so you didn’t come here to talk or to take me out.” Lowering her body over his, she popped a button on his shirt. Then another. “We can do other stuff, more interesting stuff…” Another button opened and she splayed her hands on his chest, stroking his skin. She moved her hips back and forth over his and his body stirred in response. Ah, so he wasn’t completely immune to her, it seemed. When she leaned in to kiss him, he let her. He breathed in her scent, and the charm was broken as swiftly as it had begun. It wasn’t the smell of honey he so longed for. “You’re being weird,” Lucy mumbled against his lips before pulling back to observe him.

Shutting his eyes, he forced himself to relax, concentrating on wiping Y/N’s scent from his brain. He covered Lucy’s hands with his own when he felt a tug on another button. Her fingers persisted but a light squeeze on them made her stop.

“How come?” 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to fuck because god knows all you want to do is drink me but you’re barely touching me, and usually you can’t keep your hands to yourself.” She wiggled her hips. “You’re not even hard, and I’m really trying here, Drac.” He laughed at her pout. She had never looked so offended since he’d met her and he had said things to her that would make anyone’s blood curdle. “It’s not funny. I was right that time, wasn’t I? You really don’t want me anymore.”

He opened his mouth to answer her, then his phone vibrated in his pocket, and froze. Lucy narrowed her eyes at him and glanced at the lit screen shining through the fabric of his trousers. She plucked his phone out, swatting his hands away when he tried to take it from her, and pushed off of his lap. He gripped thin air when she scooted out of the bed. He clenched his jaw. Lucy’s bratty behaviour was something he had learnt to enjoy but he didn’t find anything fun about it now.

“Give it to me, Lucy,” he said, holding out a hand as he sat. She bit her lip and shook her head to the sides as the phone lit her face from beneath. “Fine, then. Read the message aloud, please.”

“ I’m heading home now if you want to talk. And thank you. ” She read, making a face. “Who’s Y/N?”

Dracula grinned. A thank you from her was enough to bring him contentment, more than Lucy’s playful nature ever would. That boy from the pub, Trent, was apparently correct in saying that doing something nice for her might draw her out. If Dracula knew the outcome would be so perfect, he would have spared him for that alone. 

“My lawyer,” he said, his grin widening. “Give it back to me, Lucy.”

She placed the phone in his palm with an eye roll before sprawling on the bed again.

“Is she the reason why you’re leaving me?”

“How could I leave you if we weren’t together to begin with?”

“Ouch.”

“I swore I’d be sincere with you from the start, and I also told you this wouldn’t become a relationship. Save your ‘ouch’,” he told her, smirking. 

Taking advantage that Lucy appeared momentarily distracted by his words, he opened his texts. Beneath Y/N’s text, there was an opened one from Chelsea. He deleted it without reading it. She’d given him her number yesterday and while he thought to discard it, he was glad he hadn’t. After all, it was useful so he could find out when Y/N would be leaving work and Chelsea, appealing to gain his attention, had kindly provided the information that Y/N would be busy with court until late. It gave him a small window to call the hospital until the message reached her that Renfield was being released. Cutting the servitude ties to Renfield was as simple as closing a door. It opened another so he could make his way back to Y/N.

A sniffle drew his attention up as he was typing. Lucy turned her face toward him from where she lied, batting wet eyelashes at him.

“Lucy… Crying over me?” He smiled. “Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t get your heart broken and that you would be the one doing the heart breaking?”

“I’m crying because I never thought someone would reject me.” She huffed, and he laughed again, earning him a light, playful smack on the shoulder. “It’s sort of absurd.”

“You’re irredeemably spoiled.”

“I know.” She wiped the tears before crawling into his lap and pushing his arms away so she could fit between them. His phone was cast somewhere among her pillows. Lucy’s curls bounced as she settled on top of him and he smoothed them, being careful not to accidentally pull one. The time he’d done that, Lucy had made his ears ring from complaining so much. “But you like me anyway?” He simply nodded. “Hm. Can I meet her?”

“What?” He asked, as if his hearing had failed for the first time in centuries.

“Can I meet Y/N?”

“Why?”

“I want to see what I’m up against.”

“It’s not a competition, Lucy–”

“Okay. But what if–” she gave him a malicious smile “–c’mon, imagine… If I like her too, then maybe the three of us–”

“Lucy–”

“No, hear me out. It’s actually brilliant, and it’d be fun. I’ve never done anything like it. And if you make her a vampire too–”

“Lucy, stop.” He shook her lightly, making her furrow her eyebrows. “It could be fun, yes. Terribly fun, actually,” he said as he considered the image Lucy’s suggestion conjured. “But it’s not happening. None of it.”

“None of it?” She repeated. 

“None, dear,” he asserted. A smile struggled on the corners of his mouth. He had come to see Lucy for one reason but now he wondered his true motivation. Had he known what he was doing, subconsciously? “I won’t come to see you anymore.”

She gaped.

“You’re going to let me wither and die, aren’t you?” she accused.

He chuckled, tilting his head.

“I trust you’ll find some inventive way to kill yourself before you reach old age.”

“You are my inventive way! You promised me eternal life, that I’d pretty forever–”

“Lucy…” he grabbed her jaw to make her stop talking and she whined, although her eyes twinkled slightly at his bruteness. “I really don’t care. I’ve made my decision.”

Tears appeared on her eyes.

“Oh, please, stop with the crying,” he requested, cupping her cheek so a thumb could catch a fat tear before it spilled. He licked it, savouring the salt of her hurt. “I’ve had to deal with vast amounts of it lately and I don’t deserve your tears. They won’t get you anywhere with me.” He sighed. “I don’t want you anymore, Lucy, but it has nothing to do with you. I’ve simply found what I was looking for in someone else. And in her alone.” He smiled. “Y/N is my perfect fruit.”

“You don’t have to be mean,” she grumbled. 

“You’ve never seen me being mean. I realise now that I said the same words to you once and I thought them to be true at the time but not anymore. I don’t regret our time together, Lucy, and I’ll enjoy remembering it years from now. This is goodbye.”

Delicately, he started pushing her out of his lap but she grappled on to him. If she continued being a brat he might have to pry her hands away. When he gazed into her eyes he glimpsed in them an unforeseen sobriety. He hadn’t thought she was capable of it. 

“You won’t make me a vampire. I don’t want to grow old, and I won’t, so before you leave me, will you give me death? A sweet, tragic death that will make people wail at my funeral and say “oh poor Lucy, gone so soon”? Pretty, pretty please?”

“Vain until your last moments, aren’t you, Lucy?”

“Always,” she proclaimed with a proud tilt of her chin. “Give me at least that if you’re going to dump me. What’s there to live for anyway?”

Dark eyes studied her face as he inhaled her scent. There was no fear tainting his senses. Lucy never feared anything from him which was what had drawn him to her at first, yet it wasn’t powerful enough to hold his interest. She didn’t want more out of life except for death. In that sense, Y/N and Lucy were entirely opposites. One couldn’t live forever if life’s eternal paths didn’t interest them; at least Y/N searched for something worth living for. 

“Are you serious?” He  asked, raising an eyebrow. She nodded solemnly. “Death is not a caprice. You can’t take it back, Lucy. If this is your last hope that I’ll keep you, that I’ll suddenly change my mind at the last second, then you underestimate me.”

“I’m dead serious,” she said, widening her eyes at her own joke. Dracula’s expression didn’t change. “I am, Drac. And why do you care?”

“I don’t.”

“Then do it,” she urged before brushing her hair away and exposing her neck to him.

Scars marked her neck and he bent forward instinctively, like it beckoned him closer. Lucy leaned in, her tiny chest heaving next to his, and he enveloped her in a tight embrace. Choosing to kill Lucy would leave only Y/N in his path, by doing it he would kill yet another bride, the one he was most certain would survive the metamorphosis. However glorious was that possibility there was nothing about Lucy that would make him want her as a companion. 

“As a last courtesy…” he whispered, laying his lips on a vein. Her pulse accelerated and the vein jumped, coaxing him to take it cautiously between his teeth. “Lucy, my darkling… I’ll be your easeful Death.” He smiled at his own quotation but she didn’t seem to quite catch it. Y/N would have understood it. She stimulated everything in him, and managed to ignite parts of him that had been long forgotten. He hungered for her like he hungered for blood. What did Lucy do to him? Nothing, nothing, nothing. 

His teeth cut through her and she slumped, melting into him. The taste of her blood was familiar and did not sing to him as it once did. He devoured her methodically. A flavorless drink, like an alcoholic’s bottle of choice. She didn’t move once, not even when death’s spasms should have seized her body.

Once she grew cold, utterly depleted of blood, he laid her on the bed, arranged the covers around her and fluffed the pillows. After considering it, he closed her eyes with the tips of his fingers and fixed the crown of curls about her head. Her dainty lips were slightly parted in her pout. A pretty picture for her mother to find – sweet and tragic, like Lucy had asked. He admired her for a moment and nodded in approval. It had been fun and if she wanted death, it was only right that he gave it to her.

Dracula’s shirt clung to the sides of his chest, dampened by the little blood that had escaped his mouth. He considered the dark swirls of hair on his chest muddled by red liquid; a shower was in order when he got home. His shirt made a muffled, wet sound as he buttoned it up.

His phone rested near Lucy’s shoulder. The screen was smeared with red but it was no trouble seeing through it as he opened Y/N’s message again. 

It would be late at night until he made himself presentable to her, and she would be tired until then. Killing a bride in favour of another also occupied his mind more than he expected. Y/N had ensnared him, completely. He was used to it being the other way around. He had given her time and in that time he had done nothing but kill to cleanse himself from her. It hadn’t worked. Perhaps it was time he did some reflection of his own, before they met again.

 Truce for now, we meet tomorrow. You’re welcome.

“She’s making me soft,” he muttered to himself. He eyed Lucy and rose an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t you say so, dear?”

 .

.

.

A/N: Writing this chapter was a struggle, especially the last scene. Once again, not the right mindset for it in my opinion. For those who aren't familiar with what Dracula quotes, it's from Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats. As a treat, I'll let you all know that they'll be reunited in the next chapter... and that's all I'll say about that.

@festering-queen​ @feralstare​ @rheabalaur​ @a-dorky-book-keeper​ @thorin-smokin-shield​ @dreamer2381​ @deborahlazaroff​ @illbegoinhome​ @saint-hardy​ @girlonfireice​ @mr-kisskiss-bangbang​ @iwasjustablur​ @crossoverqueen89​ @vampirescurse​ @blue-serendipity​ @sunscreenfeverdream​ @25ocurer​ @daydreaming136​ @hello-itsbarbie​ @princessayveke​ 

[therenlover]

Five More Minutes (aka A Ten Minute Break with Imaginary Zemo)

(So uh, this is a weird little writing project I did. It’s kinda experimental and a deep dive into my messy little brain, so that’s that. I hope you guys like it, because it was just a warm up, but I decided to post it cause it didn’t turn out half bad. Sorry that it’s uber specific to me, lol)

Synopsis: A writer imagines her muse as she struggles through anxieties and self loathing. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you’re being cared for than it is to care for yourself. 

Rating: T

Warnings; Swearing maybe? Vague references to depression and general trauma

Word Count: 2000~

------

Zemo walks through the door while I’m taking a break. 

He’s soft around the edges, watching me with a gaze that seems intent on telling me he doesn’t approve of whatever it is I had done this time. I simply regard him with a quiet nod and let my eyes drift closed once again. The bed is warm below me but a cool spring rain pours down heavy and hard outside the open window. I like to write with the breeze flowing. It helps me focus on more than wanting to sleep. This is a break, though; a small allowance of time where I can fold my hands behind my head and relax without worrying about my next deadline. I stretch my legs out further, recumbent, as he sits at the end of the bed. 

“Look who decided to come back home,” I taunt him, “How long has it been? A week? Two?” The bitterness is a farce, a facade I put up more for my own benefit than his. 

Helmut sighs before he replies, “I shall always return when you call me, Schatz,” 

“It doesn’t feel like you will.”

“Despite that, it is true,” Slowly, from behind the darkness of my still-closed eyes, I hear the soft clink of china. Interesting… I let one eye open just a sliver to peer down the bed. Helmut is sitting there, eyes full of that special adoration he holds just for me, and in his outstretched hand, he holds a steaming cup of tea. Hedging my bets, I begrudgingly set my laptop aside and reach down to take it from him. Something is better than nothing and I haven’t had water in hours, maybe days. He knows that all too well. Why else would he have brought tea?

The first sip is taken silently while Zemo simply gauges my reaction to his presence. He and I both know that I can be… picky when it comes to his affections. If they come at the wrong time I am almost certain to deny him. This time, though, he arrived at a just-right place between sleep and work that allows me to give in to his endless and thorough affections. The tea is warm and sweet, and I finish the cup less than a minute after he handed it to me. 

That makes him smile. It’s infectious. Less than a minute later I’m smiling with him. In a simple moment, all the ice that had built on my heart in the wake of his absence had melted. All it took was some good tea and his presence, strong and constant at my side, to ease the discomfort from weeks apart. 

Helmut is the one to break the silence. 

“Did you get my gift a few nights ago?”

I nod, sitting up a bit to scoot to the end of the bed. “You were the one who dropped off dinner?”

“Of course it was. I’m here to aid you, my love,” for an instant he pauses, something akin to jealousy flashing across his face, “I may be… absent sometimes, but no one else here can help you the way I do. I don’t really see why you keep them around, quite honestly. Most of them are selfish pri-”

“Helmut,” I warn him, and he backs off. He always does if I ask him to. His loyalties lie firmly in my comfort and my comfort alone. 

“The point is, you are mine and mine alone to care for. If not always, then when I can,” 

“Well, I appreciate it,” 

A practiced hand makes its way to my bare knee, exposed by my shorts. I don’t complain. Helmut is here to help, and if rubbing away the aches caused by the rain is what he wants to do, I have no objection. His digits massage it with care. The constant steady pressure is grounding. To ease the process I beckon Helmut further up onto the bed. In just a moment of shuffling, I find myself between his legs with my back to his chest as he restarts his gentle probing of my knee. I let my head rest against him and just breathe. There’s a peace to it. 

Neither of us feels the need to move. 

Somewhere outside the room, we can hear Andrea begin to practice his violin. The sweet sounds are more relaxing to me than they are to Helmut, who hates the reminder of his housemates, but he can’t deny that the boy plays well. He would like to think, though, that he plays better. I don’t pick favorites, but it’s one battle that I wouldn’t want to miss, should things come down to it. 

We stay like that for a while, him massaging my aching joints while I use his broad, soft chest as a pillow, but eventually, he speaks again. We both know what’s coming. I’m just not quite ready to acknowledge it yet. He always broaches the subject when it’s time. 

He knows I couldn’t do it if I tried. 

“You’re pushing me out again,” his voice is a low hum, “why must you always push me out just when I’ve gotten close to you?” He presses soft kisses to my hair as I sigh. It’s my turn for words but I know I can’t say them. Not to him and not to anyone else. Instead, I let myself turn cold again. 

“Maybe if you were more useful, I’d keep you around more often. Besides, you’re a grown man. You can come and go as you please. If you wanted to stay, you would,” 

“We both know that’s not true,” 

Helmut’s right. He always is. That doesn’t mean I ever listen to him, but when he softly coos in my ear about eating or resting he’s always right, I always need it. Sometimes I think it would be better if I gave in. I never do though, it’s not worth the fallout that would follow. 

Still, I let myself get a bit closer to giving in this time. Just close enough that I won’t feel so raw once he’s gone again. A modicum of extra comfort can be allowed from time to time if used sparingly, and I take the word sparingly very seriously.

“Five more minutes,” I whisper into his warm skin, “Please, I just want five more minutes,” It’s not a question, it’s a plea, and not to him. No, it’s a plea to the universe, to the cruel god that separates us…

To myself. 

Helmut removes his hand from its place rubbing out the aches in my wrists and lets his arms wrap around me, encasing me in his warmth and holding me tight to his body. He’s warm. So, so warm against the frosty chill of my own skin. 

“Of course, Schatz. I will always have five more minutes for you,” 

If Helmut had his way, he’d have every minute of my day. He doesn’t, though. He can’t. Five extra will just have to do until he finds a way to creep back through my door and into my good graces. Then we will have five more minutes again and again until there’s nothing left of us and no more minutes left to spend. Until then, the game goes on. 

Outside, the rain pick’s up its pitter-pattering into a full downpour. 

The water comes in through the opened window, but neither of us moves to close it. Water damage doesn’t matter where we are anyway. Especially not when the timer is ticking down. 

I cry when I croak out words again. 

“I don’t understand why I can’t let you stay,” I say, throat dry with angry tears, “I don’t understand why I do this to myself,”

It’s a lie, we both know exactly why I push him away, but Helmut bites his tongue. We don’t speak of those things, the things that creep deep in my mind and pull the strings of my marionette. That’s not his job. Part of me wishes it was. 

Instead of trying to explain away my reasons for doing what I do, though, Helmut simply holds me tighter. “Someday, you won’t have to. You will be happy, Schatz; happy and free to rest whenever you feel the need to. I may not be here to see it, but it will happen, and when it does you’ll know just how proud I am of you,” 

“You promise?” 

“I promise,” 

His heart thuds heavy under my ear, his weight a constant against my shoulders. If I close my eyes tight enough I can hear him humming a tune. The clock ticks down the seconds till his departure. I cling to him for every last second that I can. 

“Should I send someone else in when I leave?” He asks softly. 

I shake my head no. 

“Not even Laszlo?”

“Not even Laszlo,” I sigh. What I don’t say is that the pain of his absence will numb me of everything once he’s gone. What he doesn’t need to know can’t hurt him. Instead, I offer up some half-assed explanation from nowhere, just to make myself feel better about the lie. “He only helps me write the academic stuff. Fiction isn’t his wheelhouse,” 

“Ah,” Helmut whispers, and as he does I can feel him start to shift away. Five minutes always pass too fast in the arms of a lover. I wipe my tears as he collects my teacup. “When will you call me back to you,”

“Soon, I hope,” 

“But when?” 

He asks not for himself, but for me, because he knows what happens when I don’t call him back to me. He’s seen it in the circles rimming my eyes and the ribs that jut painfully from my skin and most of all in the wheezing coughs and winces that escape my lips when I breathe too deep. It’s my choice to make, though, and mine alone. 

I hate that I can’t give him a straight answer. 

“Maybe tonight, if I’m lucky, you can come in and hold me while I sleep,” It’s an empty promise, just short of a lie. It doesn’t matter though. It’s as close to the truth as I can bear to acknowledge for myself when my eyelids droop lower by the second. Unfortunately, I probably won’t sleep at all. 

“No dinner?” There’s no disappointment in Helmut’s voice, but I wish there was. Instead I’m met with acceptance. he knows me well enough that there is no fighting my self destruction, only easing it. 

“I’m too behind,” I explain, “It would take too much time. This break was already pushing it. I have three fics to finish by Friday and if I don’t…” The consequence went unsaid. 

Helmut nods, stoic. “I shall see you again when you call on me next, Schatz,” 

With that, he’s gone again and I’m alone. The chill from the rain sinks deep in my bones as I scrub the remaining tears and sleep from my eyes before grabbing my laptop again. Maybe if I worked a little harder, I could manage to sleep through the night or eat a whole meal. Helmut would be back then, as real as I could will him to be, to serve as a reminder and a companion through it all. 

The words on the screen seem like a foreign language. Sleep that has evaded me for days threatens to creep into my mind but I shove it out forcefully and turn up the brightness. Sleep won’t help me now, not with the aching in my heart that screams at the slightest bit of rest. The ache doesn’t have a name like the self care does, or the softness or the anger or the book-smarts. The ache is just me. 

The rest are too, but less so. They’re easier to accept that way. 

I push on.

Just a little more work… just a couple more tens of thousands of words…

Alone again and wetted by rain and tears, I weep and write.

------

a/n: Basically, Helmut is a personification of my ability to care for myself. I always want to, and I resent myself for not doing it more, but I just... can’t. Andrea and Laszlo are both also technically representative of feelings in my brain, but those feelings aren’t specified here. I hope you enjoyed that weird little ramble, though! It was nice to deep dive into my brain in a weird way and do some good, old fashioned therapy writing. I’m a slut for a good extended metaphor.

[saiilorstars]

The Girl in the Forest

Chapter 28: It's You and I

// Story Masterlist //

Pairings: Klaus Mikaelson x OFC

Pronunciation of OC’s name: Ma-leh-nee

Requested tag: @queenmj10​ @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

Chapter Summary: Dahlia plays her final card to win over Klaus who will then bring in a reluctant Maleny. But hey, at least she's back in her original body, hopefully this time it'll stick.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

In her apartment, Amarrah passed the pages of Abigail Rowan's spell book silently, still searching for a spell to help Maleny. She was sat on the couch chair beside the longer couch...where Cami laid unconscious from Elijah's earlier attack. With the help of Alton and Yamilet, they had carried the blonde vampire, along with the coffin holding Maleny's body, to Amarrah's apartment. It had been several hours since the daggering of Klaus, and frankly there was a large question of what to do next.

"You don't have drinks," Yamilet walked out from the kitchen with Alton moments after, "You're French - why don't you have drinks?"

Amarrah raised her look from the spell book, unamused by the woman's antics so far, "Because all I've done since I've gotten to this Quarter is perform spells for vampires. Forgive me if my grocery shopping is a bit lacking."

Yamilet rolled her eyes and plopped down on the smaller couch across her. Just then, Cami began to stir and slowly woke up. Her eyes scanned the immediate area and when it appeared she was confused, the others gently spoke to her.

"Hey," Alton helped her sit up straight, "Do you remember what happened?"

For a moment, it seemed she was going to say 'no' but when her eyes narrowed into a deep glare Amarrah knew she was remembering it all. "It's okay, Cami," Amarrah leaned forwards, "Let it out, it can't be easy to-"

"Screw him!" Cami erupted into loud, angry shouts as she jumped to her feet, "He actually snapped my neck! I can't believe it!"

Yamilet looked upon the blonde in mere amusement, although she did have some sympathy for the woman. "Honey, I learned the hard way that family only uses people." She was completely outraged with the Mikaelsons, or specifically the eldest of the siblings and the mother. To work for them nonstop, going against even your own boyfriend, only to be snatched and used for a wicked revenge plan was an understatement for a "stabbed in the back" statement. It angered her more that the two responsible for losing her body were already dead and not by her hands. "Unless you're one of them, you're dispensable."

"This wasn't any normal back-stab," Cami stopped pacing to take a deep breath, needing to calm down. She straightened and looked around for something.

"It's okay, we brought Mal's body with us," Amarrah assumed that was the blonde's concern. She assumed after what happened last night, Cami would not want to go anywhere near the compound. Alton and Yamilet were then called upon to help move the body out of there at once. Neither of the three remaining Mikaelsons had a word to say about, all feeling terrible for the consequences of their actions...yet not enough to undo it.

"Okay," Cami took another breather, her hands running in her hair while she thought, "Mals' body is here, you've got the spell book…"

"If we could get the spell we need we could have Mal back," Amarrah lightly smiled.

"Yeah, and then she'll wake up to see the giant betrayal her so-called family committed against her boyfriend," Yamilet scoffed and slumped back against the couch.

Amarrah playfully glared at the woman, "You know, I liked you better when you weren't in control of the body."

Yamilet rolled her eyes, "It's only the truth and you all know it. Think about it, do you really want to bring back this Maleny right when her family is quite literally at the brink of war?"

"Yes," Cami firmly replied not even a second afterwards, "Because no matter what they would never hurt her. No, she needs to be here so she can set things straight. And besides, if we don't bring her back who will?"

"What do you mean?" Alton frowned at that.

Cami sighed and stepped back from the couch, once again picking up a slow pace, "Well, the way the Mikaelsons work is they prioritize. Klaus and his paranoia was the biggest problem right now...so they took him out," she shook her head, "Dahlia's deadline is the next thing, meaning," she looked at the trio sadly, "Mal's the last of the priorities right now."

"You think they would forget about her like that?" Amarrah quietly asked, almost appalled at the idea.

"Answer me this," Cami turned to them again, her hands behind her back, "Have they even mentioned bringing their brother Kol back yet?"

The reality hit Amarrah and Alton fast and both sighed. If they didn't work to get Maleny back, then she really wouldn't be back until the whole Dahlia fiasco was completely finished.

They couldn't wait that long, and they wouldn't.

~ 0 ~

Dahlia resided in an unknown crypt of the Quarter's cemetery, preparing for a spell no doubt as she mixed several ingredients inside a cauldron. She dipped her hands into the cauldron full of blood and slowly mixed in the ingredients. The red pendant necklace in which she'd trapped Maleny's soul was now tied around her neck, glowing.

"We define ourselves by our family. From birth, we share their names, entrust them to protect that which we hold most dear. We value them above all others, and yet we are inevitably forced apart. Promises are made and left unkept. Children, in particular, turn their backs on those who raised them, seeking lives of their own. The bond of family is not a bond forged on choice. In fact, some would see family as a terrible burden," she smiled wickedly ahead, expecting some sort of response.

"And you tell me this as a lesson of some sort?" came the bitter, sassy response of Maleny. She stood several feet away from Dahlia, though visible only to the witch. "A lesson where I'm supposed to repent for ever sticking by the Mikaelsons?'"

Dahlia slowly got up and turned to the blonde, "Because of them you are now in my hands," she reminded, gesturing to Maleny, "With one word of mine I can destroy your soul and finally put your dusty old life to sleep for eternity," Maleny gulped, momentarily quiet against the threat. Dahlia went on, "You're only here by my gracious hand, don't forget."

"...and you clearly want something from me," Maleny spoke up again, her voice bearing a hint of more visible fear, "Or else you wouldn't have interfered with my spell."

Dahlia mockingly laughed and turned back to the altar, "Oh I saved you before you really harmed yourself. The spell would not have worked."

"It too would have," Maleny declared sternly, but Dahlia just laughed again, "We had everything we needed. The spell was handed to us by your sister, Esther, before she died."

"And she clearly had to have written the large amount of energy it required, no?"

"Of course, but my friends were more than capable-"

"Your two weaklings of friends?" Dahlia rolled her eyes, "The girl can barely handle herself and the other does not have the skill needed. You would have doomed yourself, Maleny. I saved you."

"Don't pull that crap on me," Maleny crossed her arms, "Get to the point instead. What do you want from me? And fair warning, if it involves harming my family, you might as well kill me."

Dahlia evilly smiled before glancing over her shoulder, "Oh, I should probably mention that your 'family'," she created air-quotes, "has already begun crumbling down with betrayal. You may not be so inclined to defend them when you know."

"Know what?" Maleny stepped towards the woman curiously, detecting a hint of satisfaction from the woman and that, honestly, made her stomach churn.

"Niklaus has been daggered by his family with a dagger made by your very own witch friend," Dahlia turned around to the wide eyed, gaping blonde.

Slowly, Maleny began shaking her head, "No, n-n-n-no...you're lying. You're-"

"I'm not, and you'll see that after I talk to him," Dahlia promised with a pointed finger at Maleny, another arm gestured to the altar, "You see, the spell I'm creating is to speak to him and make an ally of him."

"You're out of your deranged mind if you think he'll accept," Maleny declared, though she was a little nervous of what tricks Dahlia could be trying to pull on Klaus. If he was daggered by his family, then he would wake in terrible fury...fury that would drive him to make awful decisions.

"And, I'm sorry," Dahlia's voice brought Maleny back to the present. She was once again facing the alter, now on her knees and her fingers bloody from the cauldron.

"Sorry for what?" Maleny dreaded to ask, knowing nothing good would be coming out of the woman's mouth.

"You won't be a part of this conversation," Dahlia mumbled a couple of spell words, and though Maleny missed it, her eyes rolled back as the spell began to take effect.

"Stop!" Maleny exclaimed and rushed towards the witch, but it was too late. The witch dropped to her side on the ground, unconscious. "Dahlia!?" Maleny tried shaking the woman awake but her hands made no contact. She couldn't feel anything.

With a defeated sigh, Maleny dropped to the floor herself, leaning against the altar. She pulled her knees to her chest and tilted her head back. She would have to wait...wait and see what her fate, along with the Mikaelsons' would be after Dahlia's 'talk' with Klaus.

~ 0 ~

Rebekah impatiently waited in the St. James Infirmary, where no magic would be able to hurt her, for Marcel. She didn't like being the weakling in her family, but until she managed to de-link herself from the kids Eva Sinclair used for her plan she couldn't jump bodies. So, when she saw Marcel dragging Vincent into the place she was more than urgent to get things started.

"Woah!" Vincent grumbled as Marcel pushed him forwards, "You could have just sent me a text, you know."

Rebekah tilted her head, lightly smiling, "Well, then you wouldn't have answered and only hid from us. And seeing we're a bit short on helpful witches, we couldn't take that risk. I need you to de-link me."

In any other case, they would have asked Amarrah for help, but seeing she was against them at the moment, and Davina having no knowledge of such spells, they wered forced to get Vincent.

"Get on it," Marcel ordered Vincent.

"This kind of dark magic?" Vincent gawked, scratching his head, "It's tricky. Alright? I can reverse-engineer Eva's work, but it's gonna take some time," he glanced at Rebekah, "And you're gonna have to do your own magic!"

Marcel rolled his eyes, "She's not exactly a pro."

"Well, she is exactly in the host body of the witch that's at the center of the link. Besides, I've done my last bit of magic. Now, I wanna help the kids, but after that? I'm done. No more witch business."

"Fine! Get it done," Marcel repeated before addressing Rebekah, "I'll touch base later."

But Marcel only made it a couple of feet when Vincent shouted, "And when we're done? We're all done! I'm not your witch for hire!"

~ 0 ~

"Yeah, Amarrah, I'm on my way back," Cami assured the French woman through the phone, simultaneously sifting through a couple of her family's dark objects in her home.

They had agreed she would go and collect the ones that would possibly help bring Maleny's soul into another inanimate vessel much like Dahlia was using to keep her in. While she looked through objects, Amarrah would try a locator spell on Dahlia. The woman was now in the Quarter and thus much easier to find, considering her deadline was coming up rather fast.

Cami had managed to locate a box that could possibly help them. However, she was interrupted by a knock on her front door.

"Call you back, Ams," the blonde hung up and stuffed her phone back into her jeans pocket before going to answer. The person on the other side was the least person she wanted to see in the world. "And just what the hell do you want, Elijah?" she tilted her head, feigning thoughts of his intentions.

Elijah was equally as uncomfotable as she was, but the problems at hand demanded he forget his own issues and went straight for the solutions. "You don't have to speak with me-"

"Good," Cami grinned and moved to shut the door when Elijah put a foot in between it and the doorhinge.

"-but you do have to help," he finished with a small sigh.

Cami had a good laugh, "Right. I have a lot of things to do, actually, so if you could just go…"

"It's serious, Camille," his sharp, almost scolding tone, angered Cami.

"I assure you what I'm doing is just as serious," she snapped, stepping forwards, "I'm trying to bring my cousin back from the clutches of Dahlia. You do remember her, right? Busts her ass to help you and your family all the time?"

Elijah sighed again, "Of course we mean to help Maleny. But right now, she would agree Hope is the priority."

"And I agree with her, we all do," Cami assured, "So you go do that and leave me the hell alone so that I, along with Amarrah, can help Maleny."

"We need your help as well!"

Cami rolled her eyes, "About what, Elijah? Cos it turns out I don't know much about this Dahlia plan as I thought I did before getting my neck snapped."

"I'm truly sorry about that," Elijah meant to touch her but she stepped away, warning him with the door should he try it again, "I know you must be angry about it-"

Cami's light scoff made him stop, "I was in the beginning, but if you think that's what I'm angry and upset about then it just shows you still don't know me. Just tell me what you want so you can leave."

"It seems that Niklaus' distrust of Freya wasn't entirely misplaced. Freya wants to use Hope to lure Dahlia into a trap," after hearing that from Elijah, Cami was speechless with horror.

"That's...that's horrible!"

"I have another idea," Elijah began again, "Perhaps we can use something else to ensnare Dahlia. I was hoping your dark objects would generate power to create a decoy for Dahlia."

"Okay…" Cami stepped back and turned to the many boxes she had piled around, "...yeah, I can see that working. Dahlia is using Hope as the new beacon for her salvation, but I think I may have some things that could help," she walked towards the needed boxes.

"Thank you," Elijah honestly said as he watched her pick up a box.

"I'm only doing this for the little girl, Elijah," she warned and returned holding the box, "I've learned to love that girl as much as you all have. But that's it. You can take that to Davina who will also probably help if you tell her it's for Hope," she pushed the box to him for him to take, "And also, I should mention that Klaus didn't kill Aiden."

Momentarily confused, Elijah narrowed his eyes at her, "What are you talking about?"

"Before you and your family rudely came in to dagger him, he confessed to Amarrah and I that he didn't kill Aiden. He just took the blame because of some insane dictator-edict about making people fear him."

Although horrified to know they had wrongly accused Klaus, Elijah shook his head, "Nevertheless, had I left Niklaus standing, the very army protecting Hope would have revolted."

"I should be more surprised that this is what you've decided, but I'm not," Cami swallowed hard, "But I should warn you of the wrath he will unleash because of this," and although she was still heavily angry with Elijah, she was still scared of what Klaus could do to him when he was undaggered.

"I am more than aware, believe me," Elijah assured, "But until Hope is safe I cannot undagger him."

"That's on you, then," Cami crossed her arms, "Now can you please leave? I have many things to do."

Elijah nodded, resigned to her anger as he knew he had it very well deserved. "Thank you, and...I'm sorry."

"So am I," Cami whispered and stepped back inside her house, shutting the door and locking it. She breathed in a shaky breath, intending on calming down. She couldn't get emotional, not when, as she had said, there was plenty of important things to do.

~ 0 ~

Klaus didn't know what was worse, still being daggered or being forced to witness Dahlia's memories. Dahlia led him through the solitary woods, no doubt about to show him another memory of his young mother, Esther, betraying Dahlia.

"Very cliché," Klaus remarked about the entire show he was witnessing, "Tell me, did you inspire the witches of Grimm lore? Enslaving young children in a hut on the edge of a dark forest? I suppose you plan for this to be Hope's fate. And yet you foolishly think you can make an alliance with me?"

Dahlia seemed to take offense as she snapped back, "I did not enslave Freya or Nicolas, I kept them from those who abuse our craft, demonized us... and, most importantly, I shielded them from themselves."

The scenery before them changed so that there was a wooden table covered in different herbs and plants. Beside it was a small fire, and around it all were trees with hanging dolls. However, the scene was not part of Klaus' attention - it was the young, teen-looking boy standing in front of the table. While the teen's back was to him, Klaus easily identified him as Nicolas, his son. Without thinking, he stepped towards the scene, almost forgetting it was just a memory and that he wouldn't even be able to touch nor talk to his son.

"Nicolas!? Nicolas!?" he then heard Freya's distinct voice calling. Out came the blonde witch rushing towards Nicolas, "What are you doing out here?"

Nicolas had been holding his hands together in front of him, eyes shut, as he whispered words of a spell. Even when Freya came to him, he didn't stop.

"Nick, stop it," Freya watched the wind pick up around them, "You're gonna hurt yourself…"

"I don't care!" Nicolas suddenly shouted, startling Freya. "I want to find my mum!"

Dahlia sighed at the same time Freya did, making Klaus look at her, "For the entire time I had that boy with me, he only ever uttered two sentences to me: 'I hate you' and 'I'm going to find my mother'."

And although Klaus had several, probably many insults to give to the old witch, he returned his attention to Nicolas. He was studying the teen's features, down to the very last strand of dirty blonde hair on his head. Freya was right, as had been Maleny, Nicolas did look very similar to him.

"Nick, stop this!" Freya was still ordering her nephew. The small fire Nicolas had beside the table grew larger, a dangerous size that even Dahlia had come out to see.

"Nicolas!" she came running towards the teen and violently shook him to snap him out of the sell. She snatched from him the herbs he held between his hands, "Where did you get the yarrow flower?"

Nicolas didn't say anything, only maintained a deep glare on the woman. Dahlia then glanced at Freya for the explanation.

"I did not…" she shook her head.

Dahlia groaned and threw the petals to the side, "You cannot go past the stream, it is too dangerous!"

"I don't care!" Nicolas erupted into yells, "I don't care about your idiotic boundaries! I don't care what punishments you create for me! I simply do not care! And frankly, I don't care for you! Have you ever thought I may want to encounter another person besides you and my aunt? Perhaps my mother? My-"

Dahlia forcibly grabbed his hands, "People are frightened of that which they do not understand."

"I would rather take my chances with them than spend another minute here!"

As the scene progressed, Klaus watched with a hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips. It was more proof that Nicolas was truly his son, and Maleny's. The snaps were of hers, and the booming shouts were his. A perfect blend. A perfect blend that he and Maleny didn't get to see because of Dahlia.

Klaus was brought out of his thoughts at the harsh sound of screams. They belonged to Nicolas who was still furious as ever against Dahlia. There was a strong wind that suddenly picked up around them, clearly due to Nicolas.

"Dahlia…" Freya breathed in evident fear, even taking steps away.

"Freya, leave," the older witch urgently ushered the blonde to leave, "Nicolas, control it. Control yourself!"

Nicolas clasped his hands over his head, the overwhelming power hurting him. As the blonde grew stronger, blood ran down Nicolas' nose. Soon enough, he began coughing up blood as well.

"Focus!" Dahlia ordered repeatedly but things only got worse. Dead starlings along with crows dropped from the sky as if it were pouring rain.

Nicolas dropped to his knees and screamed at the top of his lungs as the pain literally felt like bricks pounding down on his head. Dahlia did the same and took him into a hug, still mumbling to him the orders to focus on his control. Slowly, the wind began dying but Nicolas was still shaken up and trembling as his power settled down.

"Sing with me. Calm your heart," Dahlia grabbed him by the head, beginning the familiar tune and soon joined in by Nicolas himself.

Dahlia glanced at Klaus to see he was completely horrified by all that he saw. "Your son had no control over his power. And with his ridiculous temper it was worse."

Although shaken, Klaus didn't fail to throw the blame on her, "You rapidly aged him in a year, after you'd stripped him from his mother."

"A mother who hadn't been there for a over a year," Dahlia calmly reminded him, "And it was not due to my age spell. First-born witches in this bloodline possess devastating power. But do you see…?" she walked towards her younger self and Nicolas, gesturing to their tight embrace, "Freya has painted me to be a thief who enslaved her and Nicolas. But the truth is I helped Nicolas - I saved him," Klaus scoffed, rolling his eyes. Dahlia persisted in her declaration, "If it hadn't been for me arriving to take him your son would have been thrown into the same cycle his mother was forced into. Or worse, he would have been sacrificed completely and died. You may not admit it, but I am the reason Nicolas lives to see the day. Because of me, you will get to see him again."

Although he would never openly admit it to her, Klaus accepted the truth. With Maleny gone, and he unaware of his existence, Nicolas could have easily been killed or cursed. Still, that would not change the fact Dahlia was the enemy hell bent on stealing his other child for revenge. She was the enemy...and she needed to die.

~ 0 ~

Cami wandered through the cemetery searching for Davina in order to get more help for Maleny's cause. However, she stumbled across something far more different instead.

Maleny was still sitting on the ground, against the altar, when she spotted Cami hurrying in from the entrance. "Oh my God," Maleny quickly got up just as Cami came to a stop beside Dahlia on the ground.

"Oh my God," Cami breathed in shock at the sight of the old witch. She was clearly under the influence of a spell.

"You can't hear me...nor see me," Maleny realized sadly, "But I'm right here…"

Cami's eyes were drawn to the red pendant necklace on Dahlia's neck. She gasped, "Mal…" she bent down and with a shaky hand reached for the pendant.

"Cami, don't…" Maleny watched the entire thing in terror. She didn't know when Dahlia would wake up but she certain didn't want to find out when Cami was right there.

But Cami ripped the pendant from Dahlia's neck and cheered, "Oh you're coming with me, Mal!" she stood up and looked around, suddenly seeing the altar, "Ew…we should go, before Dahlia wakes up. I'm sure she won't mind me taking you, Mal."

Maleny scoffed, "No, I mean, she clearly went through the trouble of intercepting the spell for you take me away."

Cami quickly sped out of the crypt, forcing Maleny to disappear and consequently follow.

~ 0 ~

Freya was up in her bell tower performing a locator spell that would find the whereabouts of Hayley in the bayou. She was startled by the presence of Amarrah.

"I'm not here by choice," Amarrah laid the truth, "I'm here because I need information on the pendant you wear," she pointed to the blue pendant necklace wrapped around Freya's neck, "For Maleny."

Freya shifted and pushed some hair behind her ear, "I promised Maleny I would return her to her body, and I do intend on keeping my word-"

"Yes, before or after you kill your loony aunt?" Amarrah strode into the room, half irritated, "Must I remind you Dahlia controls the soul? You don't know if we might need her-"

"You won't," assured Freya, but it wasn't enough for Amarrah.

"Thing is, I no longer trust you or your family. Actually," Amarrah bitterly laughed, "Right now, I would trust Klaus a hundred times more than all of you put together."

Freya sighed, "I'm sorry you got caught in the crossfires, but it was necessary to dagger Niklaus, he would have gotten us killed for sure."

Amarrah rolled her eyes, "Look, I don't care anymore. I only came for information."

Freya looked past the French woman to Elijah who'd appeared at the doorway. Immediately she forgot Amarrah's request and warned Elijah, "I have located Hayley, and I strongly advise you not attempt to stand in my way."

Amarrah glanced back at the suited Original, "Great, two more Mikaelsons' than I needed."

Elijah addressed far nicer than received, "Tell Camille her objects did help us. We'll be using a golem for a decoy," his eyes then darted above her to Freya, "Niklaus' paintings contain Mikael's ashes and the soil. Go to the compound."

"You cannot stop me from getting that baby," Freya warned him again. She didn't want to actually hurt Hope, they only needed to use her as bait against Dahlia.

Elijah disregarded her warning and informed her, "You begin the spell. Prepare the battlefield. I'll bring Hope to you."

Amarrah was horrified to hear such a plan between the family. As Elijah left, she turned back to Freya, "You people are awful - and I thought that way before any of this happened."

Freya sighed, "We won't let Dahlia anywhere near Hope. We only mean to use her as bait to lure Dahlia into a boundary that would render her mortal."

"Clever," Amarrah remarked, mildly impressed, "but that doesn't change the fact you're all evil betrayers."

Freya turned around to the table behind her and gathered up small books, "These are the ones that could help you with Maleny."

"Thank you," Amarrah took the books, displaying a light surprise in her face.

"We may be indeed evil betrayers, but I do genuinely love Maleny and only want her to be safe and back in her body," Freya softly said, "I hope you find what you're looking. And, when this is all over, I will help you sincerely."

"Well, I hope you make it out alive to do so," Amarrah responded with and turned to head out.

~ 0 ~

"So," Klaus took several steps around the now empty woods as Nicolas and the younger Dahlia had made way for their cottage, "Do you intend on receiving a 'thank you' from me because of what you did to my son?"

Dahlia stood across him, watching him carefully, "I would be lying if I said 'no' but I also know that's not how you work so I'll just cut straight to the point."

"Please do," Klaus sarcastically smiled, motioning her to do so.

"I propose a deal in which both sides would win," Dahlia stepped forwards, "I need to rid myself of this slumber spell and at the moment Hope is the only witch with the power to do so. You," she gestured to him, "want to find your eldest child and bring him home. I can make that happen, so long as you allow me to link myself to Hope in order to break the spell."

"And so you would have open range on Hope's power," Klaus scoffed at the terrible idea, "Guess again."

"No, no, I only mean to link myself to Hope for a short period. She's not the first of her generation, Nicolas is," Dahlia smiled wickedly, "And like it or not his power owed to me. He needs me, and when he gets back I will only channel what is necessary from him...while also continuing to train him."

"My, my, that does sound tempting," Klaus said, although whether it was true other yet more sarcasm Dahlia wasn't sure.

"Think about it," Dahlia gestured, "Although, your time is short and really, there is nothing to think about," she waved a hand towards him and suddenly the memories were over.

Klaus awake with a deep gasp inside the coffin his siblings had placed him in. He chucked the golden dagger to the side and scrambled out of the coffin, though his legs weren't quite to the challenge just yet. He was still weak and in desperate need of blood to replenish himself. Still, he needed to leave and figure out what had happened in his absence.

~ 0 ~

"And you just found it!?" Amarrah held up Dahlia's red pendant necklace, still gaping at how Cami had been able to find it so easily.

"Dahlia had it around her neck so I just took it," Cami sighed, once again pacing back and forth.

"And you didn't think to kill the bitch?" Yamilet walked in from the kitchen holding a glass of wine. She flashed a smirk to Amarrah, "Good news, I bought wine now."

Amarrah rolled her eyes, "Of course you did."

Cami stopped pacing to answer Yamilet, "I couldn't have. Dahlia's protected by that immortal slumber spell. If I did anything she would've killed me the moment she woke up. I had to leave her there."

"But that's okay because you took the most important thing," Amarrah gently placed the necklace on the table side of the couch, "Now at least we have a chance at helping Mal."

"We have the body, we managed to get the spell books and the pendant," Cami smiled proudly, "Let's get to work, ladies."

~ 0 ~

Elijah and Rebekah gathered in a lounge room to hear a rather devastating voicemail from Hayley. Unbeknownst to them, Klaus was also listening in from outside.

"Elijah... I'm calling to say goodbye. Hope and I... we can't be part of your family anymore. All Hope's life, her family has tried to destroy her. That can't be my little girl's story. Family is supposed to love you. Even if you take down Dahlia, Hope would still be Klaus' daughter. She'd inherit a thousand years of enemies, all his anger and rage... I don't want Hope to be a Mikaelson, all the pain that comes with that name... She doesn't deserve that. Goodbye."

Klaus was beyond reason to hear his daughter was being taken from him. This was why Elijah had daggered him!? That would not be how the story ended. He would not lose his second child, not if he had anything to say about that.

~ 0 ~

Dahlia was in a near similar rage as Klaus was, but hers was directed towards the thief who'd taken her pendant off her neck. While she left a new spell working on the altar, she performed another one to see who had entered the crypt beside her. After a moment though, she heard someone else coming.

She smiled upon seeing Klaus stumbles his way inside, "I knew you were the smartest of your siblings. There's no brute Viking blood in those veins. I'm glad to see you made the right decision."

"You're gonna have to do one more thing for me to truly accept," Klaus warned her, masking the anger he held inside, "Maleny, you took her - I want her back, and I want her now."

If he had come in earlier Dahlia would've felt a little nervous, but now that she had an idea of where the soul of the lost woman was, she merely smiled, "Lucky for you I have a pretty good guess where is right now. But you will have to acquire strength for you to retrieve her. Shall we?"

"You need to hurry, Hayley is attempting to flee with my child," Klaus made way to sit down across her.

Dahlia scoffed as she mixed her fingers in the cauldron of blood, "They won't get far," she assured.

Her spell caused a rather violent crack of thunder above in the sky, specifically the bayou. There was no way Hayley would be able to escape anytime soon.

~ 0 ~

Dahlia watched Klaus place Maleny's empty body over a sacrificial table inside the crypt, mildly surprised at the upmost gentlest way Klaus dealt with the blonde woman. After having him feed all morning on various tourists for strength, the change was by far drastic.

"Did you bring it?" she inquired soon after the body was put down.

Without looking away from Maleny, Klaus pulled out the red pendant necklace of Dahlia and held it out. However, when Dahlia reached for it he jerked it back. He have her a sideways glare, "If you do anything to prevent her from returning to her body I will tear you to pieces myself."

Dahlia took the threat with a mere nod and finally took her necklace. She turned for the altar that was now altered to fit Maleny's spell. "Such measures you go for that woman," she remarked casually.

Klaus passed a hand down Maleny's hair, "She's the only one that ever stood by me, in all her lifetimes."

Dahlia dipped the pendant into the cauldron, glancing over her shoulder, "And are you so sure she would continue to do so even after she learns of your alliance with me?"

"Yes. She wants Nicolas just as much as I do, and she wants Hope to be safe as well," Klaus spared her a momentary glance, "She'll do it."

"If you're so sure," Dahlia mumbled before speaking at normal volume, "Step back, I'm about to begin."

Klaus hesitated a minute, knowing the complete risk he was taking. But time was running out and Amarrah, although powerful in her own way, compared nothing to Dahlia's skills. Taking a breath, he took steps away from the body and allowed Dahlia to take over.

Dahlia held the pendant over Maleny's body, circling as she chanted her spell. The pendant glowed a crimson red, growing stronger the more Dahlia chanted. Like a horror movie, Maleny gasped awake at the same time thunder rumbled. She sat upright with a terrible yelp, as if being attacked. It didn't get better when she saw Dahlia right in front of her.

"Dahlia!"

Klaus sped up to her, at the same time pushing the old witch away, "Mal! Mal! It's okay! Look, it's me!" he grabbed her head, forcing her scanning eyes to land on him, "It's me, you're gonna be fine now, I promise you."

As everything settled inside her mind, she released a breath, "Klaus? What happened? One moment I'm at Cami's, and the next moment you come in and steal the necklace and my body…" her eyes moved past him to Dahlia, her tone turning distasteful, "...for her?"

"You saw?" Klaus asked, glancing back at Dahlia for an explanation.

"The soul was able to portray itself outside the necklace," she shrugged, "Only visible to me of course."

"Lucky me," Maleny threw her a glare, "I would have rather been completely trapped inside a two inch necklace thank see you all the time."

Dahlia looked at Klaus instead of responding to the blonde, "She's a lovely one, there. We have work to do," she seemed to be turning back for the altar when she feigned a surprised gasp and faced the pair, "And if you were thinking about double crossing me, Niklaus, you may want to hold off for now."

Klaus saw the devilish smile the woman had specifically for Maleny and frowned, "What did you do?" he didn't think twice before speeding the woman against a wall.

Dahlia remained at ease and simply reached for a nearby herb with thorns. She pushed Klaus away from her and gestured to the root and her palm then gently pricked her skin.

"Ow!" they heard Maleny yelp from her spot on the table. Klaus turned around to find the blonde staring at her palm that now had a small blood circle...just like Dahlia did.

"You linked yourself to her!?" he angrily turned back to Dahlia, "I warned you-"

"It's a one-sided link. Anything that happens to me will happen to her. It's simply an insurance for me that you won't try to pull one over me," Dahlia crossed her arms, "She'll be fine, and once I can link myself to Hope's power Maleny will be free."

"What did she just say about Hope!?" Maleny had completely disregarded about her linking and focused on the delirious idea of Dahlia linking to Hope, "You're gonna what!? Klaus, is there something you want to tell me!?"

Dahlia smiled calmly, "I should let you two have word, I'd rather none of this couplish stuff come out at the wrong time and cost us the child."

Maleny watched the woman head into a small side room in horror, "Cost you the what!?" she hopped off the table, ready to go after Dahlia.

"Maleny!" Klaus grabbed her from behind, yanking her away, "We have to talk…"

Maleny pushed him away, getting riled up with him as well, "What are you doing? What am I doing here!? What is going on!?"

"Shh, shh," Klaus tried to calm her but she swatted away his hands.

"Don't shh me!" she exclaimed, now warning him with a finger, "Do not ever 'shh' me!" she stepped closer to him, "I don't care if you're a legendary hybrid I will make you regret that."

"MALENY!" Klaus finally lost his patience and shouted, startling the blonde quiet for a minute, "You have to do as I say for this to work…"

"I'm honestly afraid to listen," Maleny crossed her arms, "I know you're angry for what your siblings did to you, so I imagine your next actions will be painful and pretty gruesome."

"Mal," Klaus rested his hands on her arms, "I have a plan that can save Hope and bring back our son, I promise."

"But with her?" Maleny whispered, fearing Dahlia could be overhearing.

"For the time being, yes," Klaus nodded, moving his hands to cup her face, "But you have to do exactly as I say. And I'm sorry, but there's already one complication."

Maleny searched his eyes for any glint of deceitful hints, but once again for her they were truthful. She walked away from him, trying to think for a moment. "You're not an idiot-" behind her, Klaus playfully rolled his eyes, "-so there has to be something to this." She turned sideways, her face displaying the weariness that was slowly filling her up from the inside. "Will it really bring back our son? And keep Hope safe?"

Klaus walked up to her again, confidently nodding. He laid a hand on her cheek and looked her directly in the eyes. "I promise you it will. And we will put this curse of yours to an end for good."

"Prioritize me last please," she whispered, "I want my son. And I want Hope. I want them both in our home, getting to know each other and living peacefully like they deserve."

"All of it will happen, Maleny, but do you promise to listen to me?"

"I do...but you should know by now I am probably your weakest link in this plan-" she truthfully tried to warn him but Klaus chuckled. "You should get your family and-"

"You are my family," Klaus had lost his playfulness and spoke with the utmost honesty. He cupped her face and gave her that crooked smile she came to love so long ago. "Out of everyone you are always standing beside me, never giving me a reason to doubt you. You are my strongest link. You're my motivation."

Maleny felt she was blushing like a teenage would after hearing all that. "Pretty words, Mr. Mikaelson...I think I may just accept..."

Klaus' lips stretched to smile wider. "My love, we have a lot of work to do."

[apathycarestostudy]

Motivate me to get my butt in gear friend !! Uni opens again in a month !! Must finish syllabus before then !! Must stop reading fics and being in denial! Help! (P.S ily :p♡)

Hello hello love. Here are some tips I think will help, mixed in with a bit of nagging, wrapped up with some tough love!

So here we are. First, I’d like to commend you for recognizing that it’s time to get back on the hamster wheel so soon. You’ve a month left, which is ample enough. 

Don’t beat yourself up with time lost

You might be thinking you should’ve gotten up sooner, or done more, or done something some time ago. That doesn’t matter anymore. Yes, I’m an advocate of owning up to your faults, but for one second - recognize it, acknowledge it, and then move the hell on. Never mull on it unless it poses a problem and mulling on it would fix it. So stop all those thoughts - make a firm decision that you will drop all berating, toxic, or otherwise negative thoughts at the door. It won’t go away soon, you’ll need to keep stopping yourself mid-thought, but try to get it down. It’s a simple thing to start with, and I believe you can do this much. My mom always tells me, once someone apologizes, take their apology and leave it at that. The resentment won’t go away quickly, but release it. And I believe when you apologize to yourself, you should forgive yourself, and release.

So please release it.

The three Ps I just made up - paper, pen & plan (or phone, pad & plan)

I tried lmao. Phones be ruining everything. If you didn’t get it tho, by pad, I meant notepad or memo or whatever’s on phones these days. Specialized apps, all of it. It’s just that none of them started with a P and I -

Get your preferred medium of...recording stuff, and don’t make a plan. Yet. I want you to write down a list of things you need to get down before the month is up. A sentence per task. For example:

Get more connections on LinkedIn

Save up 20% of my allowance

Finish a writing commission

Finish a course I signed up for

(..........)

So something like that. One liners you need to finish up. And then don’t plan yet. After you’re done listing everything that needs to get done, you split the page in half (or just write it next to it in parentheses on your phone like this) and write “constraints”. Not emotional ones at first - try and write a logical constraint. Like for the course I signed up for, the logical constraint would be I have no time for it anymore because I got something better - an internship opportunity - and the emotional constraint would be I’m not interested in it anymore, or I don’t wanna lol. So write up some logical constraints. Is the workload a lot? Are you family members sending you off to do stuff for them and you have no choice but to do them and forsake your time? Do you not have an empty notebook to get started? These are all valid hurdles you may face.

Now, if you have some that have no constraints yet, write your emotional ones. You don’t want to. You’d rather do something else. Fanfiction. All of that. 

Look back at your list. What’s causing the emotional ones? How can you get rid of the logical ones? Remove them, run away from them, address them, or ignore them - pick one.

Now, plan.

Distractions

So when I feel like I should get up and do something, I’m learning to seize that feeling prematurely and do it. I say prematurely because you know when the thought matures, you’re gonna talk yourself out of it or dismiss it, so you gotta grab that as soon as it crosses your mind. How to stop doing what you’re doing immediately? Remove access to the distraction. And I don’t mean use those apps - although if it works for you, go on with your bad self. If not, do the old school method of throwing your phone to the roof of your cupboard. 

Yeah. I had this period of time where nothing stopped me from indulging in fanficion - not even deadlines and consequences, which are the biggest things that drive me to do stuff, and the only way I could get over it was to throw my phone over the cupboard. I gave myself a hurdle to stop me from pulling it back towards myself, and not only that, imagine the shame of getting a chair, dragging it all the way to the cupboard, climbing up on that thing, and then pulling your phone down - just squeezing lemon juice in your damn eye and living with that burn. So, put a hurdle up.

(cupboard = dresser btw, not sure which word y’all use so)

You don’t need a whole lot to get started

Going back to not having an empty notebook. There was a time I needed one to get started, but I didn’t want to go out and buy one, and so I kept putting off my work and blaming the fact that I don’t have a notebook. You don’t really need the notebook to get started. I could’ve easily pulled out my laptop and used One Note or MS Word or whatever if I really wanted to work. I mean I hate using digital stuff, but I could’ve sucked it up if I really didn’t want to go out and really wanted to work. The right answer was I really didn’t want to work, not the notebook.

Just start. Screw the notebook, screw your shitty pen, screw the messy table - just start. Shove all the mess to the edge and cram your arms in that tiny space and just start. You don’t need highlighters or a bottle of water or quiet time or the lights dimmed three notches down or your face moisturized or your plants watered - just start.

Not saying all of that is unnecessary, or wouldn’t help, but when it comes down to it, you don’t need all that to start. Don’t waste your time preparing to study or work. Just start.

Just start. Get your scrappy paper that’s 1/4 cut in a weird angle and just start.

One thing is better than nothing

I know I’ve said that a whole lot. A WHOLE LOT. But it’s true, and you truly need to take that to heart. If you’ve scratched one thing off your list, that’s good. 

But here’s what I’d do if I felt like I needed to do more.

First, seize that feeling. Next, do more. Start a little mantra of, “Just one more!” and do it like you’re taking one more cookie out the cookie jar. One more cupcake. One more chip. One more practice question. Romanticize it. Say it like you desperately want it, even if you don’t and do it. Oftentimes it’s the start that has us feeling some type of way, but once you accept what it is - as in you start eating it a little more quickly - you’ll sink into it and release that feeling. Next thing you know, you’ll find yourself done with one more thing.

Still tho, one thing today is one thing off your plate. Celebrate that, and promise you’ll do one more - at that moment or some other time.

Lesson from Naruto: give yourself a self-rule!

So there was this character in Naruto that was a total failure. He didn’t make it into the ninja academy, so he decided to give himself a self-rule: “If I run 500 laps, I’ll be accepted as an alternate.” which means he’ll be placed as a back up in case an already accepted student drops out. His father finds out, scolds him, and says that’s not a self-rule. That’s a wish. A self-rule doesn’t involve anyone else. A failure to accomplish what you say is accountable to you. Not circumstance, not anyone else. 

His father says, “Because of that [a self-rule on your self only], you are able to gather your strengths and focus on your efforts...That is how a self-rule works!” So how does the character change it? “If I can’t do 500 laps on my hands, I’ll do 500 push-ups!”

You see what I’m going for? 

I am not saying do 500 laps on your hands - this is a ninja anime we’re talking about here - I’m saying apply a self-rule that keeps you accountable and feeds into your efforts. Say, “If I can’t do ten practice questions, I’ll do ten rounds of this example question!” Give yourself an alternative you have to do if you fail your first attempt, and have it be of the same magnitude. What happens if you can’t do both? Keep adding on of course! The character would say, “If I can’t do 500 laps on my hands, I’ll do 500 push-ups! And if I can’t do 500 push-ups, I’ll do 500 sit-ups!”

Limitations exist, and you may not be able to get it the first few times, but eventually, the character manages to do 5000 laps - and he falls tiredly into his father’s waiting arms.

Just a little nice bonus I thought would be fun to add. I do something like this, but not as well thought out of course - I’d say something like, “I’ll do process design questions right now, and if I give up half-way, chemical separation processes is waiting for me.”

I thought I’d stop here because it’s getting kind of ramble-y and I think this’ll be enough of a push to get you started. Maybe not a push even - a nice little pat from your friend that’ll evolve into a push by your fine self. You can do it. Just start LOL.

I’mma end this with a positive note from that same episode of Naruto. Here’s a quote from that father to his son when he asked him why he was so chipper when he failed so much and couldn’t be “strong” (as in overcome the obstacles in his way). I see this in our lives, be it with friendships, biting your tongue when your boss yells at you, or giving up after failing a class.

“True victory isn’t about winning from someone strong. It’s about defending what’s important to you!”

[agustdef]

Knuckleheads - Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x OC [From Here & Now]

Genre: Idol!AU; Some fluff; Angst

Word Count: 12.6k

Warning: Angst. Some Language. Medical emergency. Unhealthy habits. (Not eating. Not sleeping. Just not taking care of one self in favor of working too much.)

Rating: PG15

Banner Marker: @shadowsremedy​

Lovely Beta Reader: @shadowsremedy​

Author’s Note: So, this is part of a two-shot for the Bangtan Scenery ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers’ collab. So this month you get the angst and next month comes the fluff. I promise I won’t just leave people hanging with this ending.

P.S. The creator of this lovely banner is also my posting twin and is giving us some angst with a Jungkook x Reader story here.

Summary: When you refuse to take care of yourself, you’re accepting that the consequences may vary. Or Kendall and Yoongi can’t seem to find a balance within their work and it’s doing more damage than they think.

Kendall's fingers flew across the keyboard, her eyes focused solely on the open document in front of her. She was almost at the end and could feel it or at least that's what she tricked herself into believing. In truth she still had a few more chapters to write, but the end of chapter goal was what kept her going.

Lying to herself was the way to get stuff done.

And after twenty minutes of typing away, the chapter was finished. Kendall then took a short break to drink some water and flex her fingers, but it wasn't long before she was on the next chapter. There were deadlines she needed to meet and getting ahead was her only goal for the day.

Even if that meant she was glued to her chair for twenty-four hours.

Time passed quickly as she wrote, especially since she'd gotten lost into the world she was weaving. Before she knew it, it was midnight and she was writing the final words of her last chapter of the day. She'd breezed through writing two of them and pushed for three more, even though her eyes were begging for a break.

Just as she typed the last word, she heard an aggressive vibration coming from the drawer in her desk. Confused, she opened it up to see her phone squirming around, which made no sense since she'd told everyone to leave her be for the day.

Kendall pulled the phone out of the drawer and flipped it over just as the vibrations stopped. And when she saw the screen her eyes nearly fell out of her head.

There were twelve missed calls from Yoongi.

She'd completely forgotten that they were supposed to have a facetime that night.

He was going to be pissed.

Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the phone and called him back. As she waited and was forced to see the reflection of herself, she realized she'd forgotten to do all her skincare that morning. Her face was beyond dry, but she didn't have time to remedy that because Yoongi was answering her call.

The expression on his face was blank, but she could see the annoyance in his eyes and the way his jaw was rigid.

"Hi Yoon," she said.

Being calm was her best option, because if she tried to play innocent or too sweet, he'd be even more annoyed with her than he was. And she honestly felt bad so that was the last thing she wanted.

A minute went by and he just stared at her, his eyes almost never blinking. It made the silent treatment even more uncomfortable.

Kendall sighed. "I'm sorry, Yoongi. I really am. I've been writing nonstop all day and time just got away from me. I seriously didn't mean to forget. I even set an alarm on my desktop, but it didn't notify me."

Though her words seemed to soften his expression it only lasted for a moment, because then he was leaning closer to his phone with an obvious frown.

"Nonstop? You've been writing nonstop all day?"

Kendall cursed herself for that slip up. Of course, that would make him even more annoyed with her.

Not knowing what else to say she nodded.

Yoongi ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath before his full attention turned back to her. For a moment he still looked miffed, but soon enough his entire expression shifted to one of worry.

"Why?" he asked.

Knowing she'd already ended up on his bad side she took a moment to gather her thoughts. Articulating her reasons clearly would lead to less confusion and annoyance for him if she accidentally said something in a way she didn't mean it.

"You know I'm on deadline for this rewrite and I wanted to knock out as much as possible. And I know, I know it's a bit further away and I have time, but I have all these other things to do that I wanted to get a head start. Give myself time to breathe later on since I know I'm going to have to start that outline for the one duology that Ara and I have been talking about. Plus, I don't want to spend all my time while I'm in Korea writing. So, I didn't think that a goal of ten chapters today would hurt anything," she rambled.

"Ten?" he shouted.

Again, Kendall nodded.

There was a series of sighs that he let out before he spoke again.

"Were you wearing your wrist braces?"

"Yes."

"Did you take Tylenol before you started and then again a few hours later?"

"Yes."

"Did you move around some?"

"Kind of."

Another sigh.

"Did you eat?"

Kendall knew she was screwed, but she wasn't going to lie to him.

"I had a pop tart throughout the day, but nothing else," she said.

If his glare could kill, Kendall would've died the moment he looked at her. And she understood why. It hadn't been her intention not to eat. Not eating was never her intention, but when she was focused on something else and didn't feel any biological urges, she'd forget. Even if she did get hungry it wasn't long before it slipped her mind.

After another stare down he broke again, though that time the anger didn't leave his face; it merely softened a bit.

"My day was a late start so I'm having a late lunch. It's on the way. Order something and we'll eat together. And it better be something filling. I don't care about how late it is; you need to eat."

"I can do that," Kendall said.

Not wanting him to glare at her anymore she sprang into action. Propping the phone against the monitor she went to her browser and looked at the places she had bookmarked. She wasn't craving anything specific, so she went with a Chinese restaurant not too far from her. Quickly her order of chicken with broccoli and vegetable fried rice was placed. She even flipped her camera and raised the phone so he could see her do it.

"It says fifteen minutes," she said once it sent.

He grunted. "Mine should be here around that time too."

Even though he was more at ease because she got her life together he didn't look at her. He'd sat the phone against something, and his eyes were focused on the screen in front of him. Though she wanted a little more interaction with him she couldn't help but enjoy watching him focused on work.

After a few minutes she broke the silence.

"Did you get the samples I sent you?"

Yoongi nodded and said nothing, but then directed his gaze to the camera.

"But you didn't put that one cello piece in there. That and the synth drum track," he said.

Kendall's brows furrowed and she sat the phone back down to focus on her own screen. After going into her email, she saw that it was indeed missing something and huffed.

"I'll send the synth drum and this other thing I meant to give you, but you have to wait on the cello piece. I wanted to redo it. Something sounded off," she muttered.

Despite not looking at her phone she knew he was rolling his eyes at her.

"It sounded great. You're just being a perfectionist," he said.

Kendall scoffed. "Says the man who played me Clair de Lune so flawlessly that I cried and then had the nerve to say it didn't flow well enough."

Yoongi smacked his lips, but Kendall could see a small smile form. No matter how much he pushed it back down it flared up again.

After pressing send Kendall watched him closely and said nothing. Not even when he confirmed he got the tracks did she speak a word. She just watched him with a weird smile on her face.

When Yoongi looked her way, he was taken aback by how focused on him she was, but he didn't mind it one bit.

"What?" he asked.

Without thinking she said, "I love you."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but smiled wide at her words. "I love you too, idiot. You just need to do better at taking care of yourself. This shit isn't healthy."

Kendall nodded and continued to stare at him with love in her eyes. Yoongi stared back with the same intense feeling.

They remained like that until her food arrived, then they spent the rest of the night eating and watching Sailor Moon Crystal together until Kendall fell asleep.

Kendall tried not to be annoyed, she really did, but it just wasn't feasible. And it was beyond clear to Kihyun as he drove her from the airport to Yoongi's apartment.

"I'm sorry. I called him and Namjoon, but got no answer from either of them," he said.

That made Kendall sigh. Not because she was pissy, which she was, but because he'd apologized a million times since picking her up. He apologized more than Jungkook that time he thought he'd deleted the track she was working on. In neither instance was it their fault, but both men seemed insistent on quelling her agitation.

She turned her head and stared at Kihyun; whose eyes remained on the road.

"Ki, we've been over this already. You have nothing to apologize for, so stop it. I'm not mad at you. Hell, I'm not mad at all. Just annoyed. I promise."

Kihyun glanced at her as they came to a stop light. Though he appeared skeptical after a few seconds he nodded, and she watched his body physically relax. In turn she relaxed because she hated making people feel uncomfortable when they had done nothing to warrant her mood. She could save her agitation for later.

After about half an hour and some small talk they arrived at the entrance of the building. Kihyun got out to help her with her bags and after a hi-five she made her way inside. The guard on duty was one she was familiar with and he waved at her, a smile on his face. She returned it before heading into the elevator.

As she stood and watched the floor number change it was easy to settle back into her agitated state. Pulling her phone from her pocket she checked to see if there were any messages from the hour she hadn't looked at it. The only things were from her mom responding to her landing text, some emails, and social media notification. Not one message from any of the boys.

When the doors of the elevator finally parted, she practically stormed out, dragging her luggage behind her. She punched in the code into the keypad and just as she stepped into the apartment, she saw the reason Yoongi wasn't answering. On the small table next to the door sat his phone.

Rolling her eyes Kendall kicked off her shoes and fully entered the apartment, ensuring that the door locked behind her. Since she knew he wasn't home she went about her business. That meant taking her luggage and unpacking it and then going into the kitchen to make her a quick lunch. Which was reheated kimchi stew from the fridge and some rice.

By the time Kendall finished her food a wave of tired coursed through her. She'd slept well on the plane, but that didn't make her completely void of jet lag. Staying up was the goal, but after ten minutes of sitting and fighting sleep she realized a nap wouldn't hurt. It was only three in the afternoon anyway, so it wouldn't mess with her sleep that night.

Before she slept, she checked her phone one last time, but again there was nothing from any of the people she needed messages from. Sighing, she texted the group chat and all the boys separately asking why no one was answering. She didn't bother to try and wait for a response though, merely setting an alarm and passing out on the bed.

Her dreams were filled with normal everyday things, so it was a peaceful sleep. Once she'd woken up her body still felt that linger of tiredness, but it was mostly energized. Which was a miracle for a nap. Though once she tapped the screen of her phone, she realized it was because she'd been knocked out for six hours.

None of her alarms had woken her up.

"Damnit," she groaned.

After throwing a small fit she carefully rose from the bed and stretched out. She wondered if Yoongi had appeared, though since he wasn't in the bed with her or hadn't woken her up, she was sure he hadn't. And after a quick look around the apartment, including his studio, she was proven right.

Checking her phone, she went to every single chat and there was nothing, not even a read message. And she knew they kept those things on so they could drag each other when they didn't get a prompt response. Hell, she knew that half the time Jimin went to the bathroom was to check his phone where he wouldn't get scolded and yet nothing.

Tired of it she finally texted Sejin.

Kendall: Hey, Sejin. Is everyone alive? No one is answering my texts or calls.

She went to put down her phone after that, but there was a notification before she could.

Sejin: Today's just been a bit busy with practice and things. Is there something that you need? Something wrong? Do I need to get Yoongi? I know he accidentally left his phone at home.

All the questions made her laugh. Of course, he'd think something was wrong.

Kendall: Nothings wrong. And I know he left his phone. I saw it when I got in a few hours ago

The three dots came almost instantly and then stopped. It went on like that for a minute solid and Kendall had no clue what he could possibly be typing. Finally, it came in.

Sejin: That was today???

So, Yoongi wasn't the only one who'd forgotten about her. It didn't hurt her feelings any because while it was partially Sejin's job to remember it also wasn't. He wasn't the one who was supposed to come get her. Nor was he the one who left her sitting in the airport for almost two hours.

Kendall: Yes

Again, the dots, but he didn't take as long.

Sejin: I'm so sorry, Kendall. I had it down somewhere and it slipped my mind. How did no one get back to you? Yoongi didn't contact you? That punk. I'll let them no to get back to you. We just finished and everyone should be heading home now.

That didn't really warrant much of a response, so she said ok and thank you before throwing the phone on the couch. Them getting back to her was no longer a worry of hers, so she'd just continue with her evening.

Feeling disgusting she grabbed some stuff and went off to take a shower. The moment the hot water hit her skin was like a cleansing for her mind. Was her annoyance gone? No, but she felt calmer and much more relaxed. Well, at least until she remembered she'd gotten in without a shower cap on and scrambled away from the water. Thankfully, there was one already in there from when she'd been in Korea months before.

Refreshed, she hopped out the shower and got dressed. Settling on some short shorts and a tank top for her sleep attire. And after twisting her hair in large sections in order to put on her bonnet, she snagged one of Yoongi's hoodies to walk around in.

Hunger struck her again, so she found her phone and ordered from a place that had pho. It would take some time to get there and she was set on ignoring the messages from the boys that sat in her inbox. So, she went about straightening and cleaning things. She'd done the kitchen and the living room by the time she was notified the food was there. Slipping on her shoes she went down to get it, once back in the apartment she practically inhaled it.

She watched some random show while she ate, but once she was done the urge to be productive hit her. Grabbing her laptop from the bedroom she planned to work from the couch, but then her eyes drifted towards the hall where the studio was. Being fully immersed in her work sounded better to her, and she'd wanted to work on a track, so it made sense.

Kendall grabbed some water and a pop tart before heading into the studio.

It only took her a minute to set everything up. Even booting the computer up under her log in. Everything was just like she wanted it, thankfully. Sometimes when Yoongi typed in his password wrong too many times he used her log in and ended up altering how she liked to set up her software. It was a pain in the ass to fix.

He was a pain in the ass.

Not allowing herself to get worked up Kendall focused on the computer. Slipping on some headphones she played the track a few times before tweaking it. The goal was reggae trap, but it wasn't coming out that way at all, so she just went wherever it took her.

But twenty minutes in her phone wouldn't stop vibrating, so she was forced to deal with it. It was a series of messages from the boys. They'd all sent apologies separately, but also blew up the group chat. Scrolling through and reading them all took a solid two minutes.

She wasn't that upset with them. Much like Sejin they were supposed to remember, but weren't the ones with any real responsibility. It wasn't necessarily their job. Kendall was just being petty when she ignored their messages before.

Sighing, she realized that if she didn't reply they'd keep messaging her nonstop or start thinking she was pissed at them or something.

Kendall: It's fine. I'm annoyed and hate that I had to call Kihyun to come get me, but it's fine. I'm not mad at any of you. But I'm also trying to work, so maybe tone down the spamming

There was an overall okay in response to her and she went to set her phone down only for it to go off again. That time it was just Namjoon.

Namjoon: Did Yoongi call or text?

Kendall checked her phone for a message from someone other than Joon and there was none.

Kendall: No

Namjoon: Taehyung gave him his phone so he should get to you soon. And I swear that he feels like shit for forgetting.

Though she believed him, something in her questioned why he felt the need to emphasize that. And why Yoongi didn't just head home instead of using Tae's phone to contact her, but she chose not to ask Joon a million questions.

Kendall: Ok, thanks for letting me know

With that she got back to work but sat the phone on her thigh, so she'd feel when it went off. Enough time passed that she'd been so into her work that the vibrating almost went unnoticed. But when she realized it, she took off the headphones and answered the call from Tae's phone, though she did take note that it was over an hour later.

"Hello?" she said.

There was silence and then a gruff voice came through. "Hi, baby."

"Yes?" she wasn't going to play that game with him.

"I know I fucked up," he said.

"Accurate."

He laughed at that but kept going. "But I really need a favor from you and then I'll be on the way home. Where I will apologize thoroughly."

Of course, he needed something from her first. That explained her weird feeling about how bad he truly felt.

"What is it?" she asked.

A sigh of relief came through the phone. "There are some things in the folder labeled Jin and I need you to send it to me."

"Fine."

"Thank you so much. I love you."

In return all she did was grunt. Saving her own project, she logged out and logged into his. Within a minute or two she'd found the folder and sent it to him.

"It should be there," she said.

"Thank you. I swear I'll be home in forty-five minutes or less."

Kendall rolled her eyes. "Sure."

Right as he tried to say bye, she stopped him though, there was something else she needed to say.

"If your version of telling me your sorry involves sex, you're going to want to rethink your plan. It's not happening."

And with that she hung up.

Locking her phone, she threw it on the desk and refocused on her music. She wasn't going to let him derail what she was doing.

By the time thirty minutes passed Kendall was okay with where she was in terms of progress and knew she'd need to come back to it with fresh eyes. But she played it aloud a few times to see if she genuinely liked it.

Kendall was so immersed in listening she didn't realize that by the third playthrough she was no longer alone. Not until Yoongi's hands were on her shoulders. It caused her to jump, but when she registered his fingers she calmed down.

She then stopped the music and turned around to face him. He was looking all sweet and innocent, but she knew better than to give in to that.

"Go ahead," she said.

Yoongi immediately dropped the act and sighed. Then after staring at her for thirty seconds he moved closer and pushed her legs together. Before she could question that both of his knees were on either side of her thighs and he was sitting in her lap, his arms wrapping around her neck.

"Baby."

"Don't baby me mister."

Yoongi rolled his eyes but didn't retort.

"Kendall. I'm sorry I forgot about you today, I really am. I told myself last night, but then today was crazier than we thought it would be. It didn't help that I was up late working on this thing for Kook. Which meant I rushed out of the house forgetting my phone and then I was so wrapped up in work that nothing else crossed my mind," he rambled.

Kendall's eyes narrowed. "Pause. A thing for Kook? As in the thing you said you stopped working on and would pick up today when you had the chance. Because you'd already pulled three all-nighters this week and you needed the rest."

With each word Kendall became more annoyed and Yoongi realized he'd messed up.

She watched as he scrambled for something, but then finally gave up.

"Look, I know. I should've slept, especially since it takes me so much more energy to fake that I have energy in order to get through work. But inspiration hit and I just started working. Next thing I knew it was early in the morning and I needed to get ready for the day. I fucked up and I'll do better about it. I promise."

His words were sincere, and he wasn't the only one prone to doing that, so she couldn't be too upset with him.

"I get it. We both suck at taking better care of ourselves. We'll both do better," she said.

Yoongi nodded, removing one arm from around her neck so he could hold out his pinky. Smiling she linked her own with it.

"We'll do better," he said.

Kendall nodded and with that Yoongi got off her.

"I showered and ate dinner already, so how about we go to bed?" he asked.

A sarcastic laugh escaped Kendall and she shook her head.

"I said sex isn't happening."

Yoongi scoffed. "I just want to cuddle you, not sleep with you. Goodness, woman."

Though she didn't believe him Kendall shut everything down and allowed him to lead her out of the studio to the bedroom. There they snuggled up and watched TV. Yoongi copped several feels, especially on her butt, which he insisted was an accident.

But the truth was, they didn't do better. In fact, they got worse.

Comeback preparation came at them harder than usual and they had to dive into the chaos. Of course, it wasn't their first time handling it, but that didn't make things easier for either of them.

Yoongi was fully submerged in it, along with one or two projects outside of the group. Kendall wasn't essential for the album, but she still worked on it nearly every day. Plus, there were other groups she worked with that were preparing to comeback, along with all the writing she needed to get done. It was a blessing that projects in the western world were off limits to her during prep or the stress would've tripled.

To their credit they did try to keep things from getting out of hand, but it only took a week before they slipped into unhealthy habits. Their focus was so on getting things done so they were out of the way, that there was no thought about taking a moment to breathe. A moment to take a walk and not think about all the things that needed to be done.

If a thing they planned wasn't mandatory it wasn't going to happen. There were countless outings with friends that they flaked on. A cancelled lunch here, a trip to Lotte World there, jam sessions that were only meant for some fun and stress relief. Kendall nearly missed a friend's engagement party because she'd brushed off the reminder and twenty minutes before someone called to ask her when she was getting there.

At some point people stopped inviting them places and neither of them even noticed.

And that didn't even account for them flaking on each other. Date nights or plans to do even the grocery shopping were put off or forgotten about. Not that either of them ever brought it up, because even if they were aware enough to remember themselves something always caught their attention, so they forgot it even happened. Well, didn't happen.

It even reached the point where spending time together was sitting in Yoongi's studio and working on different things. Kendall preferred her studio for producing so she'd just bring her laptop in and write. Yoongi was usually the one to invite her, but he didn't stop staring at his screen or talking to one of the guys about a track long enough to say anything but hi.

It was getting out of control, but of the two Yoongi was the one dealing with all the stress and work better. He was pushing too hard and not taking proper care of himself, but sometimes logic would prevail. A snack would get eaten or he'd walk to a secluded park to write lyrics because he needed a change of scenery.

But even with his brief moments within reality, he was blind to the fact that Kendall was descending farther than he'd ever reached. He always had faith that she would be fine because she was strong enough to know when things truly needed to slow down, but she wasn't doing that. And right under his nose she was on a downward spiral.

For over a month he remained blind to that, everyone did. Or at least they weren't saying anything to him about it. Not that he listened much to what anyone told him when he was focused on something else.

However, at some point someone got fed up with the bullshit.

Kendall was on Yoongi's couch typing away on her laptop with music blasting through her headphones, while Yoongi sat at his desk writing lyrics. They'd started working on a song the night before that he needed help tweaking. Hours past rapidly as they brainstormed and worked through it. When that was figured out, she decided to write while he finished up.

Both neglected to notice that by the time Kendall's butt hit the couch it was seven in the morning. And they stayed like that until nine rolled around and Jin was bursting through the doors with bags in hand.

The suddenness startled them both and they stopped what they were doing to focus on him. They were met with an incredibly angry Jin and a smirking Taehyung who stood behind him watching the show.

"What time is it?" Jin asked.

"Uh..." Kendall shrugged, eyes flitting down to the bottom right of her computer screen.

When she saw the time, her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped. There was a curse from Yoongi which indicated that he'd also checked.

"Mhm, and when were you supposed to leave?" he asked.

"No later than one," Yoongi mumbled.

"And why is that?"

"Because we've already been pushing it, so the rule has been imposed for everyone so not to overwork ourselves," Kendall said.

Jin nodded. "And yet, here you two are. Up for over twenty-four hours. Plus, you haven't eaten since who knows when. So, you're going home and today is an off day."

Yoongi opened his mouth to speak, but Jin just reiterated his point.

"You're both going to eat all of that. Only then will you be allowed to leave and when you leave, you're going to go home and rest. Don't make me have to come over and watch you do it either. I will know if you don't."

The way he glared at them meant there was no room for argument and Yoongi wasn't going to, but Kendall had something to say.

"Actually, I have a meeting at one that's like an hour away and then I have a session at four. So..."

That made Jin glare at her, but he didn't have anything else to say. Of course, arguing it was an option, but work was work and there was no way around that. Yoongi even had it in him to look displeased by the news.

Without saying anything Jin moved farther into the studio and shooed Yoongi out of his chair and onto the couch. From there he took a seat and started pulling things out of the bag he'd brought with him. Before they knew it, containers of steaming food were in each of their laps and Taehyung was handing them drinks.

Once they had the food, he stared them down and waited, but Yoongi was the only one who started eating right away. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kendall playing with the food.

"Look, Jin we didn't mean too..."

"Just eat," Jin said, clearly not in the mood for an explanation.

After that nothing else was said and they both just sat there and ate their food. Every drop of food was consumed too because no matter how much they told him they were full he just stared at them until they continued.

It was like they were children.

When all the food was gone Jin directed to shut everything down and gather their stuff. Jin supervised every movement. It didn't stop there though. He got into the van that took them home and glared the entire drive there. Then he went up with them and watched as they both got ready for different things.

Yoongi prepared for bed and Kendall for her meetings. In half an hour of arrival she was out the door and Yoongi was down for the count.

But his sleep was only temporary.

After about twenty minutes he was up again, and his body didn't want to go back down. He gave up and dragged his feet out into the living room, where Jin was still present.

"Are you not leaving?" Yoongi asked, his voice gruff.

Jin was startled by him and jumped a little, but quickly collected himself and went back to the scowl that seemed permanent.

"Not until you've been out for a few hours. And maybe not until Ken gets back," Jin said.

Yoongi chuckled at that. "I can't sleep, and she might not be back for a while so you're going to get bored fast."

There was a moment or two of silence before Jin's expression shifted to something more distressed, a sigh escaping him.

"Yeah, I know."

That response through Yoongi off. Obviously, Jin would be tired of their antics but something about him read more than that. Yoongi couldn't pinpoint what else could be plaguing the oldest member, but he would find out. He hated seeing any of his brothers down and out.

Moving toward the couch he laid out a few feet from Jin and watched him closely.

"Something wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Yoongi asked.

That made Jin sigh again, but it was accompanied by a humorless laugh. After a second or so Jin nodded and turned to face Yoongi.

"Not when you're like this I can't."

Yoongi scoffed. "Of course, you can. I know I've been a little too focused lately, but you know I'm always here for you. You don't need to worry about that."

"You're the one I'm least worried about," he mumbled.

"Huh?"

For a moment Jin appeared conflicted, but then his expression turned serious. He turned his body so he was facing Yoongi full on and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Have you really not noticed Kendall's behavior?" Jin asked.

That made Yoongi frown. He'd been caught up in work, but he liked to think if something was wrong, he'd noticed it. There was nothing that came to mind though. All he was met with was memories of her being as engulfed in her work as him, which wasn't a great thing, but it wasn't that bad. She had a lot of work.

Though part of him felt like that line of thinking was stupid since he was on her constantly about taking care of herself. But of course, he shook it off, they were in a high-pressure time and sometimes things needed all their attention.

"She's been working a lot, but that's it. Did something happen?" he asked.

Jin groaned and wiped a hand over his face.

"You've both been working a lot, but she's taking it to an almost extreme level. Have you seriously not seen that she's almost always working on something or going somewhere to do more work? I'm not even sure that she gets much sleep at this point. Let alone eats enough. I'm sure this morning was the biggest meal she had in a few weeks."

That made Yoongi even more confused. "But I almost always see her when you guys force a group lunch. She eats then."

Jin pursed his lips. "Have you actually seen her eat or just pick at the food while typing away at her phone and basically running away when everyone else finishes?"

Yoongi tried to think back to all the times they'd eaten together, and he remembered eating at least half his meal, but never actually seeing Kendall eat. His attention always focused on his screen or notebook. And when he'd go to put the leftovers in the fridge or trash Kendall's containers would be beside her in the exact spot it was placed. But of course, she just happened to sit it back down there or ate out of it from that position. She wouldn't forgo food for long, so she had to be eating.

"Of course, she..." Yoongi started, but then he recalls seeing her walk down the hall one afternoon and having to lean against the wall for a moment with her eyes closed. That could've been a one time thing though. Couldn't it?

It reached a point where he just laid there with his mind going over every interaction they'd had since the prep began. He was finding all types of things that seemed normal at the time, but in hindsight didn't make any sense if she was taking proper care of herself.

"Listen," Jin said, regaining his attention. "You just need to talk to her. We've all tried, but she plays it off or has something else she needs to do. Jimin almost got her to listen, but she just went back into the habit a few hours later. You're the only one who can call her out on it. You both need to be called out, but I know you'll be fine. I'm scared she's going down a dangerous path."

At that Yoongi nodded, but he was still a bit lost in his own head. He couldn't believe that he'd missed so many signs. There was just no way.

Jin confronting him the week before had woken Yoongi up from what he was doing to himself. The way he'd slimmed down a bit and how no amount of skincare could save his face; the undereye bags were going strong. It wasn't good and so he made changes in order to be healthier. Even having the younger members enforce him taking breaks multiple times a day. It was easier to see how things were going down a bad path for him and he was eternally grateful for Jin helping pull him back as he always did.

However, with his newfound clarity and self-awareness he finally saw what was going on with Kendall. Finally, he was paying attention. He watched her for a week and could see that he'd missed everything. Even the biggest flag of them all, which was how she never left her studio if she didn't need to. He hadn't been looking for that before, so it got by him, but every day until who knows when she was in that room by herself working. Food set outside would go ignored and he was sure she never even peed.

How he'd been so far gone that none of those things caught his attention was still a major question, but he couldn't focus on that. His attention needed to be on figuring out how to handle Kendall. If someone didn't get her to snap out of it, she'd lose steam completely and enter a creative block. And she didn't need to do that when all her jobs were creative. Yoongi cared more about her health than her hitting a roadblock, but he knew that when she did that it was much worse for her mentally. She put too much pressure on herself.

So, he needed to be strategic about it. Coming straight at her would do no good and if he was too nice or tried too hard to get her to forgo something to do something else, she'd suspect him. The only choice was for her lone plan for the day to be cancelled to create a slot where she was free. It would be hard for her to turn him down then, so he did what he had to.

Yoongi pulled out his phone and called Kihyun. His friend answered after a few rings.

"Hello."

"Hey, Kihyun. I have a question," Yoongi said.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Is the thing that you're working with Ken on something urgent? Can it be postponed or something?"

"Yes. Yes, it can!" Kihyun shouted.

It shocked Yoongi. "Uh, okay..."

A throat cleared and then Kihyun was speaking at a normal level. "Sorry. It's just the last time she came to work on the song she looked so tired. And even though she was working as well as usual there seemed to be a lack of her normal spark. I asked her about it, and she brushed me off, but I've been worrying about it. So, it can definitely be put on hold so she can rest or whatever you have in mind."

Everyone, but Yoongi had been paying attention it seemed.

"Yeah, I want to get her to rest. But listen, I need you to make up a reason why it's pushed to another day. She cannot know that I'm the reason that this was cancelled. Getting her to stop depends on her not knowing."

"Okay, I can do that. I'll text her now and then text you when it's done," Kihyun said.

"Thanks man."

"No problem."

With that they hung up and Yoongi shut down everything and prepared to head out. But he couldn't just stroll into her office after she got the news, so he played on his phone for half an hour after getting the confirmation text. After that he just casually made his way to her studio, knocking before letting himself in.

What he was met with was her sitting on the couch and staring at her table with a pen in hand. She was making edits, which made his appearance even better time wise. If she was doing it then that meant she was ahead of her schedule in some way and was even less likely to turn him down.

"Hey, baby. I was going to head out for some food. You want to come?" Yoongi asked.

For a moment or two she didn't say anything, but that was unsurprising since he'd asked as she started to write on the screen. Once she was done with the task at hand her attention became his and he truly saw the tired in her face. The bags under her eyes were prominent and her usually plump cheeks weren't as chubby. It made him feel even worse for not noticing it before.

"Uh. I'm not really hungry." she said, her voice softer than usual.

"But you were gone before breakfast. Come eat with me. Unless you have something else planned?"

That made her sigh and deflate a little. Yoongi almost felt bad for messing with her schedule, but it needed to be done.

"No. Ki said that something in his schedule changed so he'd need to meet with me another day."

Yoongi tried his best to seem chill about it. "Damn, that sucks. I hope they aren't overworking him over there as per usual. Okay, then you can come eat with me since your meeting fell through."

Again, he was met with no response for several seconds, but then she nodded her head and carefully rose from the couch. It was clear that it disoriented her a little, but Yoongi couldn't react to it. He had to let her move at her own pace and get her where he wanted her to be.

As she packed up her stuff, he kept a close eye on her.

"Is there anything you want to get in particular?" she asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "Nah, not really. I was thinking something close by, but then I also remembered that Jin put some kimchi stew in the fridge so we could just eat that."

Kendall froze and that worried Yoongi, he did not need to be found out so early. But when she turned around, she smiled at him.

"That sounds really good."

He returned the smile. "Great. I already had one of the vans waiting out front for me, so we can just tell them where we're going."

Kendall nodded and then motioned for Yoongi to lead the way. When he turned around, he released a deep breath and led them out of the building and into the awaiting van. Once they were on the road it was silent between them, but he didn't mind. He needed to ensure that he didn't say something too soon and if they got talking, he would slip up.

Once they arrived home, he led her upstairs with a hand wrapped around her waist, which wasn't something unusual. It appeared like affection to her and everyone else, but it was mostly him trying to keep her stable enough that she didn't sway or stumble. If that happened, she'd get defensive when he asked if she was okay.

They got into the apartment without issue and Yoongi got to work reheating the food so they could eat. Kendall took a seat at the dining room table and began editing again. It wasn't too intensive, so he let it be, but the moment the stew was ready, and he had some side dishes he had her put it away.

Again, they sat in silence, though that time he turned on the TV and put Brooklyn Nine-Nine on in the background. It drew in some of her attention and that's what he wanted. He needed her calm and comfortable. If she got a filling lunch and was somewhat immersed in the show some of her walls would be down. It also helped that he genuinely enjoyed the series and she knew that, so it didn't appear that he was trying anything.

But despite Yoongi's careful steps Kendall saw through him. After he'd taken the dishes to the kitchen, he returned to find her waiting for him with her arms crossed.

"What?" he asked.

"You're up to something."

That made his heart rate spike, but he'd perfected a steady expression over the years so of course that didn't show.

"What are you talking about?"

"We haven't spent real time together in a while and now you're actively seeking me out. Plus, you've been watching me a lot over the last two days. It's weird and sudden. So, what are you up to?" she asked.

"I'm not allowed to show interest and want to spend time with you now? That's suddenly... actually, no. I'm not going to do this. We'll go back and forth for forever and I'm just going to get to the point. I've stopped being so caught up in work that I noticed that you're too caught up in it. You're not taking care of yourself and I'm worried about you. Many people are worried about you. I thought we could spend some time together and that means you would rest."

Kendall's expression went from suspicious to annoyed. One of her brows raised and she rose from her seat, though she didn't move closer to Yoongi. In fact, he saw her take the smallest step back.

"So, what? You were going to try to get me to bend to your will by using things I like to lull me into a sense of comfort? Thought that would be enough to get me to forget about all the work I have to do?"

"No, I..."

"And then what? Get me to sleep? Make sure I stay in bed until tomorrow? Or were you planning on trying to get me to not work the rest of the week? Something that would put me back severely since I have things to do. Something that..."

"Stop!" he shouted. "Yes, I wanted you to take a break. And I would've loved if it was for the rest of the day. I would love for you to just sit down for a moment and relax. To sleep more than you do. To eat more than you do. I'd love for things to not be how they are now. But I wasn't and don't plan to commit some grand conspiracy against you, Kendall. I just want you to slow down and breathe."

There was silence and then Kendall scoffed. "When you're doing it it's fine, but when it's me there is suddenly this major problem. I'm fine. I'm stressed and working a lot, but I'm fine. This isn't anything that I can't handle. I've had more to do, so it's not a problem. But a problem occurs when everyone seems to think they need to insert themselves into my life for one reason or the other. I don't need to be watched like a child who can't function on her own. I'm more than capable."

Yoongi sighed and ran a hand over his face. Of course, things were taking a turn. She reacted much like him when backed into a corner when they swore, they were okay when in truth it felt like life was drowning them.

"No one is saying you're not capable, Kendall. We just want you healthy and not pushing yourself so much. You're losing weight and you look so drained of energy all the time. Even Kihyun said something was off during your last session. That you had your same work ethic, but your usual energy was gone," Yoongi said gently.

He hoped that his words would change something within her, and they did, but she was angry which wasn't the goal.

Kendall took a deep breath; her fists clenched and unclenched a few times before she glanced at Yoongi.

"Kihyun? Is that why he canceled? Because I don't seem well enough? Great."

Yoongi took a step forward, but she took two steps back.

"Everyone seems to have these grand ideas about what I should be doing and making decisions on my behalf. So, I'm going to let you all do what you want to do. But I won't be around to let you do it. I have things to get done today and Kihyun canceling means I have more time. So, if you need me for my job then let me know. Other than that, back the hell off."

With that she grabbed her stuff and was headed towards the door. Yoongi went after her, but after she slipped on her shoes she whipped around and held her hand up to stop him.

"I'll be sleeping somewhere else tonight. Don't wait up or come looking for me to make sure that I'm sleeping up to your standards."

And with that she was gone. Yoongi was left cursing himself and wishing he'd handled things differently. Maybe if he had she'd be still in the apartment. If he'd only caught on sooner maybe the evening would've been spent cuddled together on the couch or in bed. Honestly, anything was better than what happened.

Yoongi couldn't help but feel like he'd messed everything up.

Despite wanting to fix things as soon as they happened Yoongi waited it out. He knew that coming at Kendall again would just yield another argument and he didn't want that. Especially because he was likely to lose his cool and things would become worse.

So, he sat back and let her do what she wanted for a few days. Every time he ate, he grabbed her food, sat it near the door and walked away. Sometimes it would be gone when he went by again, but more often than not it was still sitting there. It was frustrating, but he didn't let up and just kept doing it. There were even little notes where he left her with encouraging messages or that relayed how much he loved her. He hoped it would help soften her and that she'd see his true intentions.

And when they worked together, he was his usual self. There was no pressure to eat, drink, or rest. Kendall had already taken to avoiding him, so he didn't want her to just completely ignore his existence. He only got such brief time with her to make sure she was okay, and he refused to risk it.

The method was honestly great for the first few days, but then after two days in a row with food untouched and her barely leaving the office he'd had enough. The boys could see it too, they watched as he was pushed over the edge.

They stood in the middle of the practice room discussing the choreography they went over a few times. It was the early stages, they were more worried about everyone getting it than it being in sync, so the topic of discussion was one move that almost everyone was struggling with.

But it was during Namjoon explaining that maybe they could alter the instrumental a little to fit that shit hit the fan.

"I could talk to Kendall about it. Of course, making changes is a bit much but it would be kind of cool. None of us are doing it as smoothly as needed and we were discussing adding more of that slightly disjointed sound to the chorus. It wouldn't take much time at all," Namjoon said.

Hoseok pursed his lips and nodded. "But when can she do it? Of course, we can practice it with that in mind, but we need to hear it and get approval before we make that choice. And she said she had a lot to do today. Something about having a new project to work on and needing to prepar..."

When Yoongi heard she took on another project his head snapped up, his eyes focused on Hoseok. The younger male was startled by the attention, especially since Yoongi was glaring at him.

"She has another what?" Yoongi said, practically shouting the words.

No one said a thing, but then after they all were the focus of his glare Jungkook said something.

"Yeah, she took on this thing for some artist she really likes. They're an American one, but she wanted it more than she cared about sticking to her rule during comeback prep."

The rage that filled Yoongi was swift and before anyone could utter another word, he was storming out of the practice room. He didn't stop until he reached the elevators, but as he waited for the doors to open, he could feel his emotions intensify. It was time to put an end to the situation and he didn't care about her being upset with him.

"Where are you going?" Namjoon called out as he caught up with Yoongi.

"To stop this shit."

"Yoongi, you can't just come at her all pissed off. She doesn't respond well to that, you know this," Joon tried to reason.

"I'm not going to her."

Just as he said that the doors opened, and he stepped through. Namjoon stood and watched him, conflict clear in his expression. Yoongi waited a second, but when he didn't make a move, he pressed the floor number. Just before the doors closed Namjoon slid in after him.

The elevator ride was tense and quiet. Yoongi was trying to control his anger so that he wouldn't lash out at anyone. No one was at fault for this and there was no need for them to have to deal with his issues. Even if they were all willing, he'd hate if he'd made anyone too uncomfortable once everything was over.

When the doors opened, they walked out and the secretary simply nodded and pointed towards their destination. After knocking and being granted entrance they walked into Bang's office.

Their boss looked prepared for their arrival and Yoongi was sure one of the boys put two and two together and warned him. He didn't mind though; it was easier to handle it if he didn't have to just show up and lay it all out when he least expected it.

"Is there something I can help you with, Yoongi?" Bang asked.

Taking a deep breath Yoongi collected himself and then nodded. "Yes, there is. Kendall has been a little, well a lot overwhelmed the last few months. She's working more than she needs to and not taking care of herself properly. Obviously, some of this stuff is out of your domain, but a lot of it is work on producing and writing. It's reached a point where she won't listen and even when things fall through, she finds a million other things to do in its place. I know that her main focus is on the girl group debut and you wanted her to take full control of that, but they won't even be announced for a few months and she's way ahead of schedule. So, what I'm asking for is her taking a break. She'll have more than enough time to come back to it and have them ready. But right now, she needs to step back. I need her to step back before things get worse."

Yoongi hadn't meant to be long winded, but once he started talking it all came out. And that included the distress he was feeling. His voice went up a few octaves and he was pleading with Bang to agree with him. He needed for him to give the go ahead.

It was silent for a moment, but then Bang nodded. "I've noticed that she's been working a lot, but I didn't know to what extent. She's farther ahead then what we talked about. Practically finished the album. So, we can put a hold on any more work until she's had proper rest. If that needs to start today, then it can. I'll send the email and make the call."

After nodding and giving a brief thank you Yoongi was out the door and back in the elevator with Namjoon hot on his heels.

"What are you going to do?" Namjoon asked.

"We're going home."

"And if she doesn't choose to go? You know she's not just going to agree. So, what are you going to do?"

For a while Yoongi didn't say anything, but the moment he stepped off the elevator he turned to face Joon.

"I'm going to tell her too much time has gone."

Namjoon's eyes widened at that, but Yoongi could see on his face he understood. That phrase - too much time has gone - was used when there was something serious they needed to talk about. Something where one of them needed to be heard out and it invoked the urge to listen better with the other. Kendall wouldn't be able to refuse and would have to see how concerned he was.

He hated using it because it always left him on edge when she used it and he would assume the worst, so he knew she had to feel it too when he did it.

"Call or text me after. Okay?" Namjoon said.

Yoongi nodded and then turned to walk down the hall. He made a quick stop in the practice room to grab his stuff and then did the same in his office. Once packed up he headed towards her studio. As he went, he prepared himself for a shit show and he really wished it didn't need to be, but he'd accept that if it meant she'd be okay.

When he walked up to the door the bag of food he'd left earlier was gone and that helped calm him. At least she ate something. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door but got nothing. Several knocks and doorbell rings later he put in the passcode and entered the studio. Instead of finding Kendall immersed in her work he was met with darkness, which was weird because she didn't have any outside work.

Yoongi flipped the switch and found everything was shut down, but something on her desk caught his eye. He moved closer and saw the bag of food, which was still untouched, but before he could focus on that his eyes drifted to the note on the desk. It was the one he left, and it read: You're doing a great job, baby. I got your favorite. I love you.

The paper was wet unlike it had been when he dropped it off and it only took a second to realize that it was from tears. Even the space around it had a few drops here and there.

His first thoughts were about if she was okay and the next were hoping that maybe they'd just been from him finally breaking through to her. Either way she needed to be found.

Yoongi sprinted out of the room and slammed into SlowRabbit who looked at him confused, but then noticed where he was coming from.

"Ken went home. Said she needed to do something," SlowRabbit said.

Muttering a quick thank you Yoongi was running again. He needed to get home fast. Thankfully once he got to the lobby Joon was waiting there with one of the drivers, once they saw him the driver headed to a car out front and Yoongi moved after him.

The drive to the apartment was tense. There was a giddiness inside of him as he clung to the idea that she'd finally seen the light, but there was also a deep-rooted fear of what could happen if she wasn't coming back to reality. It left him all over the place and sweating more than he had during dance practice.

Once in his building he felt his anxiety diminish, but for some reason he walked very slowly through the lobby and to the elevators. Like he was stalling for time trying to come up with something, but in truth his mind was completely blank. Even as the elevator indicated he was getting closer to his floor his mind remained emptied.

It was weird.

As the doors opened, he started to think again, but that quickly came to a halt. At the end of the hall there was a person collapsed onto the floor. Panic filled him and he sprinted out to them, dropping to his knees to make sure they were okay.

"Excuse me? Hey. Hey. Wake up." He chanted as he carefully rolled them over.

When he saw the face, he stopped breathing. For some reason it didn't register in his head that the person was on his floor and in front of his door. It didn't register that the person could be Kendall. Until he saw her face.

"Kendall! Kendall! Baby!"

He shook her gently, one of his hands going to cup her face. She wasn't responding or even moving and that panicked him more. His mind raced and he continued trying to get her to wake up. Screaming her name and shaking her to get some sort of response.

It took a minute or so before it clicked with him that he needed to act. That there was no time to waste.

He placed his fingers under her nose and waited, after a few seconds he was sure that she was still breathing. It wasn't strong, but it was something. He then fumbled in his pocket for his phone and when it was finally in his clutches, he dialed emergency services. His eyes never left Kendall's face and his finger remained under her nose.

When they answered he had a response ready, but instead of words a sob broke free. The tears came soon after and he was finding it hard to say anything.

"Hello? Hello? I can hear you crying, dear. Please tell me what's wrong," a soft voice said on the other end.

Yoongi took a breath and reminded himself what was at stake.

"My... my girlfriend collapsed, and I don't know how long she's been out. I found her in the hallway of our apartment building. Her breathing... her... her breathing isn't as strong as it should be. And neither is her... pul... pulse." He finally managed to choke out.

"Okay. I'm glad that you checked all those things out. If she's still breathing, there's a chance she's fine. Can you give me the location?"

He mumbled off the address and what floor they were on. As he spoke more, he calmed, but the tears never stopped and at any given moment he was hit with an intense wave of distress.

Yoongi's eyes never left Kendall, even as the dispatcher kept him talking so he wouldn't freak out too much. He couldn't take his eyes off her. The last time he'd done that led him to the pain he was enduring in that moment.

Kendall's body felt too hot and she needed to cool off but no matter how much she adjusted there was no escape. At some point she was forced to wake up and try to free herself, but the moment that her eyes opened she felt disoriented.

Everything was fuzzy and her head felt swimmy. It was as if she wasn't grounded and she didn't know why. Of course, she wanted to fight for some clarity, but she knew she'd needed to just let it pass first. So, she waited until her vision cleared and she felt settled before trying to figure anything else out.

Who knows how much time passed before she could make out her surroundings, but when she could confusion filled her. She wasn't in the apartment or in her studio, but what looked like a hospital room. But for the life of her she couldn't figure out why she'd be there.

Kendall searched her memory for something, but it was as clouded as her vision had been. She didn't let that stop her though, she focused on what she could last remember until snippets of her day came up. They were so short that she couldn't make anything out of them though. It was frustrating, but she needed answers and she was alone so there was no one to give them.

At least she thought she was alone.

As Kendall took in her surroundings and then herself, she finally noticed that she wasn't the only one in the hospital bed. Next to her lay Yoongi. He was asleep and looked so peaceful that she momentarily forgot what she was doing. It had been so long since she'd seen him like that and she wanted to savor it, but before she could even get comfortable with the idea it all came rushing back to her.

She'd been working on a track that was proving difficult for her. The idea she had in her head wouldn't translate into the actual work. Nothing she tried was working and she was close to screaming about it. Instead she decided to take a step back and finish some things on a different track for a friend. It would give her a break and the chance to get some more work done.

Halfway through that hunger struck her and she'd peeked out to see if Yoongi left any food for her like he had been. Kendall was still upset with him for actively trying to hinder her work, but she appreciated the gesture because she often forgot to eat. It wasn't that big a deal, but not having to search for food when she finally decided to eat was a good thing.

She'd grabbed the food and brought it in, but as she opened the bag there was a post-it on top. It wasn't surprising since he left them with every meal and she'd planned to sit it aside, but then she read the words. For some reason something in her finally snapped and she felt her body droop and tears fall from her eyes.

Yoongi was being so caring and loving, even after she lashed out at him. He was making sure that she at least ate and reminding her constantly that she was doing great and was enough. She'd been so caught up in doing everything that she'd let those things slip away from her. Let herself reach a point where she was so tired all the time and barely functioning mentally but using the excuse of needing to stay ahead as a reason to keep going. As a reason to not take a moment to breathe.

Kendall ran herself into the ground. And instead of giving into him and taking in what he tried to tell her she'd pushed herself further to prove a point.

But she was tired of proving that point.

So, after crying she packed her stuff and planned to head home. Yoongi was practicing so she didn't want to disturb him. She'd planned to text him after she got home and showered, it would be enough time for the boys to be taking a break. After telling Slow Rabbit she was leaving, a van took her to the apartment and she was eager to finally stop being so hardheaded so she could rest. However, as she got onto the elevator, she felt weird, but couldn't pinpoint why. She brushed it off as being tired and thought maybe she should nap and then shower.

But as she got off the elevator and walked towards the door everything around her shifted. It was like a kaleidoscope was right in front of her eyes and before she knew it her body was falling in slow motion. After that everything was blank.

The moment her brain caught up she felt herself tear up; she'd fucked up. Not only had she done damage to her body, but she couldn't imagine how Yoongi felt. Had he been the one to find her? Was he notified as he tried to live out his day? She hoped she hadn't scared him too much.

As the tears fell her hand moved to caress his cheek. At her touch he shifted but didn't wake up. Leaning down she pressed a kiss to his forehead. It was soft and lingered for several seconds. When she pulled away though, his eyes were wide open, and he was staring at her. The sadness was clear, but there was also some relief.

"Baby," he whispered.

Kendall didn't get the chance to say anything though, because he was kissing all over her face in seconds. After he pulled her tight, burying his face in her neck.

"You scared the shit out of me, Kendall. You can't keep doing this shit, okay? It needs to stop," he mumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said.

It was all she could think to say. She wanted to explain herself, but it didn't feel like the right time, so she let it be.

They spent the rest of the day like that. Even when the doctors came in Yoongi didn't stray too far from her, he always had to be touching her. If he couldn't be in the bed with her then he was holding her hand and if she left to use the bathroom, he would snatch it up the moment she was out.

It hurt her heart to see him like that. To watch him look at her as if she were going to slip through his fingers and disappear.

"I'm sorry," she started. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I should've listened to all of you and stopped letting work take over, but I just pushed myself harder. And when it finally clicked, when your note put me back into reality, I was going to take a break. I'd gone home to shower and rest. I was going to message you after to not be a disturbance and because I knew we were going to need to talk, but I didn't get the chance. I didn't mean for it to get this far."

Yoongi just watched her as she spoke, nodding along to show that he was listening. When she finished, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. He murmured about how it would be okay, and they would deal with it later. Kendall didn't think that wise, but then the boys showed up to pay her a visit and lightly scold her, so the moment was lost.

After her explanation Yoongi still remained close by, but she noticed a shift in him. His relief faded and he relaxed more, but something else rose to the surface. He was clearly annoyed and though she wanted to ask if he was okay, she knew it was best not to. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know why he was upset. Kendall expected his rage to surface at some point, but she wished it made him more vocal.

Instead of scolding her or just straight up yelling he remained silent. They didn't speak much and any conversations she tried to start fizzled within seconds. It left things tense all the time and despite the guilt it grew tiresome.

Thankfully, they only kept her for a day after she'd woken up so she could rest at home. That meant that she wasn't confined in one room with him watching her with his underlying anger, but it didn't make her feel any less uncomfortable. Yoongi still made sure she rested, took her medication, and ate. He worked outside of the home studio to keep an eye on her but kept his distance. And his silence remained. He'd even mastered answering her questions without saying a single word and after three days Kendall was over it.

She'd come home from the hospital still quite drained, but with eating regularly and resting her energy returned to her. Which meant she could risk exerting herself a bit to push the issue. And after he'd blatantly ignored a question she asked it was hard not to snap.

"Can you just fucking yell at me already? I get you have some stuff to work through and are probably trying to figure out how you want to address this, but please just do it. Just say what you want to say. Yell. Cuss. Tell me you hate me. I don't care. Just please say something!" she blurted out.

That made him pause and turn around to face her. His expression was one that he wore when he was pissed off and though it made her stomach drop it's what she wanted. What she needed.

Yoongi laughed after a few seconds. One of those humorless ones, that were so loud and obnoxious that they seemed fake. It lasted for a moment and then he abruptly stopped, taking a few steps forward so they were only two feet apart.

"Okay. I'll talk. We both went off the deep in and got too caught up in things. You more than me, but we're both guilty of it. But I was so off in my own damn world that I didn't notice you were taking it a step too far. I had to be told by Jin, who saw it from the start and tried to help. I had to be told to take a closer look at my girlfriend who I saw often, and thought was okay. I fucked up and part of this is on me. No matter what you say I'm sticking to that because I know how far you can go, and I wasn't seeing the signs. Hell, I even encouraged it with my own behavior.

"But then you have to be so damn stubborn about things. You have to think because there are no obvious effects on you that you're doing okay and that everyone else is seeing things. You push yourself too hard, Kendall. No matter how overwhelmed you are, you push so hard as if you can't take a breath. As if you couldn't half ass it and still come out with some great work. And you let yourself get so in your head that you fucking forgot that and neglected yourself. Barely ate. Barely slept. Barely did anything besides work, even when there shouldn't have been any work to do. And that shit ended with me fucking finding you passed out on the ground in front of our home. Of me fearing that you weren't going to be... be... that you weren't going to be okay. This entire situation is fucked up and I need some time, okay?

So, let me have my time to fucking think. Let me have the chance to stop being mad at you and me, so we can try to move the hell forward after this shit show."

With that he turned on his heel and walked away. He went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. It left Kendall alone in the living room feeling worse than she had when she woke up in the hospital. She knew she had no valid reason to cry since she'd brought this on herself, but it felt like her heart was ripped out of her chest.

It felt like she'd fucked her entire relationship up.

[jinkisbelly]

Simple Request - 10/?

Pairing: Jongyu

Rating: n-17 

w/c: 2.5k

Other Parts can be found a little ways down this [x]   Ao3  AFF

Summary: The Fae King is under a lot of pressure to conceive an heir, while given a deadline by the Council he turns to his personal guard and best friend to help him with it  

Warnings: Future mpreg

         Even with the tonic purged from his system, the consequences of taking it were still present in the aching arousal Jonghyun felt. The question of, ‘Do you want this?’ was whispered as their breaths mingled, Jonghyun leaning closer as he sat up from the mat. The tent was warm, comfortable, and Jinki couldn’t stop himself from letting his eyes fall to the other man’s lips. Their kiss was bright in his mind, effectively shattering the last remaining restraint he had held on to so dearly. “Can I kiss you?”

         He hears Jonghyun’s heavy breathing hitch, sees his tongue run over his bottom lip, and his answer is barely heard before Jinki is pressing forward. “Yes.” 

         Jonghyun’s skin is burning as Jinki curls his fingers around the back of his neck, pressing him back onto the mat and moving a knee between his legs. As the kisses continue and deepen, Jonghyun throws his arms around Jinki’s neck, making a whole new set of noises Jinki hadn’t heard before. How easily he falls into Jonghyun and gets lost in the sensation of his tongue flicking against his teeth should scare Jinki, but at the moment he can’t find a part of him to care. Not when Jonghyun’s cock is pressing up against him, and he’s whimpering so pretty underneath him. He’ll worry about how this all makes him feel in the morning.

-----

         He could feel his arm begin to shake, fingers curling in the blanket thrown over the mat underneath them as Jonghyun gently bounced on his cock. The man’s blunt fingernails were pressing harshly into the back of his neck, but Jinki kind of liked the prick of pain. Jonghyun had already cum once, shooting on his stomach as Jinki fingered him open, but his cock was dripping as he whined. “Jinki.”

         “Just a little longer. You almost have me.” Jinki knew he wasn’t going to last long. There were only a handful of times that they have had sex just for the pleasure of the act. While they were in this predicament because Jonghyun decided to take something for his fertility, that wasn’t on Jinki’s mind at the moment. He wanted to make Jonghyun feel good, wanted to feel his kisses and the way his fingers were pressing harder the closer he got to his second orgasm. Everything from the way Jonghyun’s breath hitched with his movement, how his skin was on his hip where Jinki was gripping him, and the soft wet sounds of his cock moving within him made it hard to focus on the consequences of what giving in to kissing Jonghyun meant for his deepening feelings.

         But when Jonghyun slowed to a stop, flush against Jinki’s thighs, and he panted out, “Kiss me, please, kiss me.” Jinki was pressing forward without a second thought. Both his arms wrap around to hold around Jonghyun’s waist, kissing the sound of surprise from his lips. Jonghyun’s fingers push up into Jinki’s hair, softly tugging as the kisses deepened. Parting to suck in a breath, Jinki tugs at Jonghyun’s bottom lip hard, breaking the skin a bit. “Oh, fuck.” 

         With a grin, Jinki bumps their noses. “Liked that huh?”

         “Oh shut up.” Jonghyun huffs, but the smile on his face makes Jinki’s heart do a weird flip. “I like a lot of things you do.”

         “How about one more?” Jonghyun’s brows furrowing in confusion was what Jinki would describe as adorable, but it quickly shifted to one of pleasure as his hand slipped back around to curl around the other man’s cock. His strokes started slow, thumb running over the head before each downstroke. “Cum for me. Give in.” 

         Jonghyun let his head fall forward, teeth skimming over Jinki’s jaw and running his nose down his neck. A single kiss was given against his skin, nose pressing into his neck as Jinki’s strokes increased. It didn’t take long before Jonghyun was cumming over Jinki’s hand, moaning into his skin and pressing his nails harshly into his shoulder blades. Jonghyun whimpers as warmth fill him, Jinki’s light grunt and quick breaths indicating he has finished too. 

         A few beats, a crackle of the fire behind them, but it’s long enough for Jinki to fall too far into Jonghyun’s gaze as he pulls away from his neck. It’s the man looking away that stops him from letting those three little words slip from his lips. His skin is flushed, brow damp and hair pushed from his forehead as he smiles, “I do like that too.” 

         Jonghyun’s finger is gently twirling a strand of Jinki’s hair at the base of his neck, nose brushing the man’s as he leans closer. It’s different kissing him after it all. Their breathing is still elevated, connected still so intimately, but each of those things is ones they’ve done many times before. This kissing was intimate, with no motive of pleasure pushing their actions, but Jinki still let his arms wrap around Jonghyun loosely and returned the kisses. 

         When Jonghyun finally pulls away, it’s to whisper against Jinki’s lips, “Thank you for being there for me. I didn’t deserve you to bed me, not after I hurt your trust as I did today.”

         “You make it seem as if I don’t enjoy bedding you.” He knew his hair was shifting colors, but he couldn’t make himself stop it, “Because I do enjoy my time with you, if uh, you didn’t know that.” 

         “I think our current position tells me you enjoy it very much, Jinki.” Jonghyun hums, “But, I enjoy it just as much.”

------

         Jonghyun’s eyes are closed, but Jinki knows he’s awake by the slight twitch of his lips as he smiles. There’s a blanket thrown over their legs, pushed down and holding at their hips, knees knocked together as their limbs intertwine. Jinki has his fingers gently moving in soft circles on Jonghyun’s side, feeling the barest indication of his ribs underneath. “How are you feeling?”

         “I’m fine, Jinki.” Jonghyun’s eyes slowly open as he huffs, “I promise.” 

         “If you want to explore herbs and tonics to help with this, I-” Jinki breaks eye contact, fingers stopping their motions on Jonghyun’s side, before he sighs, “I hope you can trust me to help you.” 

         “Jinki, I do trust you!” Even when Jonghyun cups his cheek, Jinki doesn’t look at him. “I was just embarrassed and the thought of sharing my failures so openly made me act irrationally. I’m sorry I took it without telling you about it first.” 

         After taking a deep breath, it was then Jinki finally looked up, softly admitting, “You scared me.” 

         “I knew whatever happened, that you’d be there if something went askew. I’ve never doubted you, Jinki.” Jonghyun’s hand slips away, curling softly as he brings it up towards his face by the pillow they’re sharing. A smile curls on his lips as he says, “I am also sorry your first impression of my kisses was sloppy and uncoordinated.” 

         The tension in Jinki’s chest loosens, a laugh bubbling through, “I quite think you made it up to me.” 

         “It won’t happen again.” Jonghyun chews on his bottom lip as his eyes lower, and Jinki knows he’s not going to like what comes out of the man’s mouth next. “It was an ill-conceived plan that won’t help me have a child. I was an idiot to think anything would work if it hasn’t already.” 

         “Jonghyun, we’ve been over this.” 

         “Don’t. Just don’t Jinki. You’re wasting your breath.” He curls his fingers in the fabric of the pillow tightly, jaw clenching for a moment before he speaks. “We’ve tried so hard for so long. I got so desperate for this I took something that could have killed me. I lied to you, I made you afraid and hurt by not trusting you with it. I threw myself at you to try and convince you to fuck me like… like I was nothing but a common mare waiting to breed.”

         Jinki grips the man’s chin, just enough to gain his attention. “Now you stop right there.”

         “But-”

         “I don’t want to hear it.” There was a very small urge to punch a tree, but Jinki pushed it down. “I won’t stand for you belittling yourself.” 

         “Everything I said was true, Jinki.” 

         “You might not trust yourself in all of this, but trust me.” Jinki curled his fingers around the back of Jonghyun’s neck the moment the tears formed in the man’s eyes, hugging him close to his chest. He pressed his lips to Jonghyun’s hair, closing his eyes and softly telling him, “You deserve to experience all having a child grants you and I will give you that. I don’t care how long it takes. You will carry my child, Jonghyun. That I can promise you.” 

-----

         The following late afternoon, they finally ride into Aoerisa. To the uncommon eye, Jinki was like the Keeper always was expecting to be, but Jonghyun could tell something was wrong. He was holding his reins with both hands when he always only held on with his left so he could grab his sword with his right at a moment’s notice. His hair was up all the way, braided in a single plait from where he gathered it high on the back of his head. That was the style he wore when he was going into battle. Jonghyun pressed his lips together and turned back toward the two people who called them here, Jinki’s parents. 

         Jinki helped him from his horse after coming to a stop. As they approached the two older elves, Jonghyun tried not to think too much about their son and the worry growing in his chest. “I came as soon as I could. I apologize for the delay.”

         “Thank you for coming so quickly, Your Majesty.” Jinki’s father is a tall man, long hair neatly kept back with his wooden crown. His hair had grown more grey in the years since the war ended and the treaty was signed. “I do hope you’re hungry. A meal has been prepared before you can get settled. Tomorrow we were planning on addressing the reasons for you to be here if that’s alright with you Your Majesty.” 

         “That’s quite alright. Please,” Jonghyun smiled, folding his hands in front of him in the sleeves of his tunic. “Lead the way Governor.” 

---- 

         Jonghyun finds a meal prepared means an intimate gathering of just the Elven leaders, himself, and Jinki. He knows that Jinki would rather be standing behind him as a guard than sitting as a part of the dinner, but the moment the man’s mother had asked he had given in. From the corner of his eye, he could tell Jinki had barely actually eaten any of his food, just moving it around to make it appear as he had. Unless directly spoken to, he hadn’t entered any of the conversations, and even then only a few short words were given as answers when he did speak. Jonghyun lowered his spoon when Jinki’s mother stated, “It’s very unlike you to not have something to say, Son.”

         Jinki slowly lifts his gaze, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “It has been quite some time since you’ve truly known me, Mother.”

         “You have made it quite clear you do not wish us to.” Jonghyun barely stops his brows from lifting at the Governor’s comment. 

         “I wonder why that would be, Father.” The large potted plant in the corner shook as Jinki gripped his spoon tightly, “You were very clear in how you felt about me the last time I was here. I do not wish to dwell in the past if all you are going to do is sit there and judge me for choices I do not regret.” 

         “You chose to be the Keeper over your own family!” 

         Jinki quietly laughed, lowering his gaze as he shook his head. His spoon was gently laid on the table before he breathed out. “Most parents find their child being chosen as the next Keeper as an honor. Instead, mine forces me to be apart from my dragon and to sit through this travesty of an excuse to see me.” 

         Jonghyun knows the moment Jinki looks at him what he must do. He understands the unspoken question as clear as day. He clears his throat, scooting his chair out from the table causing all eyes to fall on him. “Thank you for the meal, but it has been a long journey. I wish to retire to my room if that’s alright.”

         “Yes, of course.” The Governor smiles, “My son will show you to your room, Your Majesty.”

----

         Jonghyun gazed around at the beautiful woven trees that created the Elves’ homes, stores, and other buildings. There were cobblestone paths, flowers popping up between the stones every couple feet, overgrown grass falling over the edges. Jinki’s arm was sure hooked with his. When he shifted his gaze to the man, one couldn’t tell how much pain he was in. The place was his home. He had grown up running through these streets, going from his studies to the market with his father. This is where he met Saferus, had dreams of being something greater than he believed himself to be. This was the place he had burned to the ground in Jonghyun’s name, to protect what the United Kingdoms stood for.

         The destruction of the war was mostly gone from the city, but the ballistas on the towers around the gate were a harsh reminder of why they were there. The ban on flying and the fact Saferus was all the way across the Elven border another deafening reminder. There weren’t many people out this late at night, but neither could sleep with the nightmares tied to this place. Just outside those walls, Jonghyun had probably lost his ability to have children, and before he could stop himself his fingers brush over his stomach. “What are you thinking about?” 

         Jinki’s voice is soft and warm, but it still makes Jonghyun tense temporarily. When he looks up at him, Jinki’s still looking forward, but the gentle smile on his tells Jonghyun he’s paying attention. “This place... Has many harsh memories for us both.” 

         “It seems it does.” 

         “I’m sorry we had to come here.” 

         It’s then Jinki stops and tugs him back by their arms hooked together. “We both know why they requested you. They knew I’d never come for any other reason than to protect you.” 

         All Jonghyun wanted to do then was take the man somewhere safe and alone, to hold him and keep all the bad memories away from his dreams. Instead, he glanced around them before letting his wings out. Jinki’s soft hiss of his name fell on deaf ears as he rose until he was high enough to press a kiss to Jinki’s forehead, a foot off the ground. “Take me somewhere only we’d know.” 

         The easy smile on the man’s face was one of the most beautiful things Jonghyun had seen it seems, the warmth of the expression falling over him as Jinki intertwines their fingers. “I know just the place.”

-----

[the-delta-42]

Shit be True

@nerdasaurus1200 I did it.

Marinette scowled as Chloe sauntered off. It was bad enough that she was behind on the final assignment and Lila was being a pain, but now Chloe had all but bragged about how she managed to get the deadline push forwards a week, meaning that she had to come up with a presentation by Friday, and it was Wednesday. Marinette hoped to set the she-demon on fire as she walked away.

Some people call it fate, when Sabrina all but rushed into the room with the annual Chloe coffee of the afternoon. Marinette paused, before a wide, and somewhat evil-looking, smile appeared on her face. She still had those Laxatives from London.

Perhaps the Queen will have some humility after this.

/*/

Alix sighed as Marinette gathered the girls in their class, as well as some more from other classes, in her room.

“Okay, everyone’s here.” Said Aurore, closing the hatch to Marinette’s room.

“Everyone’s familiar with the Satan incarnate known as Chloe Bourgeois, are they not?” Marinette asked, getting a slight scoff from Kagami.

“Who isn’t.” Said Kagami, eying the pink of the room.

“Well, you are all probably also aware of the deadline that was shunted forward a week.” Said Marinette, as the penny dropped.

“That conniving bitch!”

Everyone looked at Rose, who had three sets of hands over her mouth.

“Rose, sweetie,” Said Juleka, tenderly, “I think be talked about your potty mouth.”

Rose nodded, before Juleka, Mylene and Alya removed their hands.

“You have any other reason for us being here or can we leave?” Kagami asked, her arms folded.

Marinette reached into a draw and pulled out a medicine bag that Kagami recognised easily.

“Are those…?” Kagami asked, looking at the bag.

“Long story short, I gave Adrien a letter that had some jokes on it, but I mixed it up with my grandfather’s prescription and Adrien brought this back instead.” Said Marinette, holding the medication out to the group.

“Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.” Said Alix, getting to her feet, “Are you suggesting that we crush up these tablets and use them to spike Chloe’s food and drink?”

“Pretty much.” Said Marinette, the smile appearing on her face again.

“That sounds great!” Said Alix, “although, lose the smile, you look like a psychopath.”

Marinette pouted, putting the bag down.

“I can already see a problem,” Said Mirelle, getting the groups attention, “we have no idea where Chloe is and when she’s going to be there.”

“That is where you’re wrong.” Said Marinette, pulling out the schedule and pointing to yellow sections, “I keep track of everything my classmates are doing, when they are doing it and who’s with them, just like how I know that Chloe, or rather her parents, is currently playing host to a series of guests and that the catering is being done by my parents and Alya’s mother.”

“We slip in, spike Chloe’s stuff and slip out.” Said Alya, joining Marinette in the evil smile group.

“So, the plan is to spike her food, give her the runs and try not to laugh.” Said Kagami, eyes narrowed, “I’m in.”

There were similar mutterings of helping, before Aurore spoke.

“What if we did it as a gradual thing and made it happen in public event,” Said Aurore, “like in front of the whole school when we have to present our projects.”

“Ooh,” Alya winced, “Social murder of the highest degree.”

“I like it.” Said Rose, getting a pat on the head from Juleka.

“Let’s hope she isn’t wearing white.” Said Alya, as she started to make her exit, “Now, if you excuse me, I have a presentation to do for Friday.”

There were similar mutterings as everyone left, Kagami gave Marinette a once over before she left as well.

/*/

Marinette did her best to look innocent as she located all of the dishes that Chloe used throughout the day. She had told her parents she was going to use the bathroom, before she snuck into the kitchens.

Marinette did find it odd that Chloe had dedicated bowls, plates, cups and lunch boxes for each day of the week, as well as for the different times of the day. Marinette sprinkled the crushed-up laxatives into some water, before she carefully brushed it onto the dishes for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning. Marinette allowed herself to look satisfied as she looked at the dishes that now had the laxatives drying on them. Marinette then took the time to another portion into the coffee, tea and milk that was in the kitchen. Phase one was now complete.

Marinette discreetly left the kitchen and returned to her parents’ side.

“It’s like a maze in here.” Said Marinette, “I’m pretty sure I ended up in a closet at one point.”

Thankfully, some of the other girls were present, Alya helping her mother, Kagami with her parents, Alix, who somehow managed to get in and Rose, who was the guest of Prince Ali. Marinette looked at Rose again, noticing that she looked distressed, coupled with the look of confusion and worry that was on Prince Ali’s face, Marinette had the sinking feeling that Rose had mentioned Lila.

Marinette looked at the others, and raised her little finger up, they nodded, understanding what Marinette meant.

/*/

The second phase was the difficult part, because it required Marinette to intercept Sabrina, somehow get the coffee and/or food off her, add the laxatives and get the items back to Sabrina, all without her noticing. Thankfully, it seemed that Alya and Mylene seemed to be ahead of her.

“Sabrina, thank god we found you,” Said Alya, feigning panic, “I can’t find any of the work for our group, Mylene can’t either!”

“What?!” Sabrina gasped, placing Chloe’s coffee and food on the table and striding over to the computer, allowing Marinette to dash over, lace the drink and food with the laxatives and dash away.

Marinette bumped into Kagami as she moved away from the food and drink, a light brush against Kagami’s wrist was enough to tell her that the second phase was complete.

Now all they had to do was wait.

/*/

Marinette sighed as she got off the stage, finishing her presentation. It wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that the classes were told that they would have to go up in front of the whole school and give their presentation, sure there were rumours, but nothing was confirmed until yesterday. The only upside, for some, was that all classes were cancelled.

Marinette settled into her seat as Chloe took centre stage, Marinette noted the Chloe was wearing white, Marinette didn’t let her mind stray any further. Chloe had looked uncomfortable for the entire morning, looking worried. Marinette looked around, spotting all of the members of the fellowship of murder Chloe Bourgeois.

Chloe was grasping the podium and looked as if she was muttering not now, before she took a deep breath in.

Before Chloe could even get a word out, she sneezed and what sounded like a wet fart also sounded. Marinette had to cover her mouth to prevent herself from laughing.

Chloe had the look of horrified dread, before she could only look down, before shuffling sideways out of the room and then running down the hall.

A moment of silence swept over the school, before someone at the back spoke.

“Did she just…?”

“Shit be true.” Came another voice, before laughter erupted. Marinette was vaguely aware of her falling off her chair and face planting onto the floor. Marinette was also vaguely aware of Kim walking out of the hall to go change his clothes after wetting himself.

Adrien was torn between laughing and being disappointed in Marinette. Although, perhaps this might evoke a change in Chloe, and not just in clothes.

“What a day to be wearing white.” Said a guy to Adrien’s left.

Adrien was disappointed that Lila was absent today, this would’ve been an interesting warning.

/*/

The teachers managed to get the entire year rounded up by the end of the day.

“We know it was one of you that spiked Ms. Bourgeois’ food,” Said One of the deputy heads, “if the culprit doesn’t step forwards now, the entire year will fail and be forced to retake the year.”

Marinette looked down, she should’ve thought about the consequences before she pulled this stunt. Marinette took a deep breath, before she took a step forward. The resulting sound of multiple people stepping forward made Marinette look up.

The entire group had stepped forwards, some people who weren’t even involved in the planning had stepped forward, eventually the entire had take a step forward, with the deputy head went red with rage, he stepped towards the year and glared at all of them.

“Fine,” he sneered, “I’ll make sure all of you repeat the year.”

“No.” Said Adrien, looking at the teacher.

“What?!” The teacher snapped.

“I said no,” Said Adrien, his voice cold, “I am not sure if you are aware, but my father is one of the funders of this school, but if he heard how everyone was punished because of an accident, I am certain he wouldn’t hesitate is retracting the funding and putting towards something more worthwhile.”

“The same can be said about my mother.” Said Kagami, levelling the teacher with her coldest glare, “I am certain she would take great exception to you planned ‘punishment’.”

The teacher met Kagami’s stare, before Marinette phone went off.

“You, answer, speaker.” Said the teacher, not looking away from Kagami.

Marinette took one look at the caller ID, before she did as the teacher said.

“Marinette, little rocker!” Jagged Stone’s voice echoed through the hall, “How’re things?”

“Things are good,” Said Marinette, “Forgive me for being blunt, but I take it this isn’t a social call.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Said Jagged, “I’m gonna need a jacket made, a Marinette original, I might even pop by your school and give everyone a surprise.”

“I’m on speak, Jagged,” Said Marinette, “and I’m not sure if that’s possible, you coming to the school, someone had an accident and a teacher is trying to pin it on a student.”

There was a moment of silence, before Jagged said, “Oh, that is so uncool. What was the accident?”

“A student shit themselves before they could give a presentation.” Came a voice.

The phone was silent, before Penny’s voice filter out, “Marinette, what was said to Jagged? He’s currently choking on laughter.”

The phrase was repeated, before the phone went silent again. Marinette could vaguely hear the sound of both Jagged and Penny dying of laughter.

“S-sorry,” Gasped Jagged, “but I remember a similar experience, it was very humbling actually.”

The teacher looked as if he was about to pop a vein, he wanted to punish the culprit, but if Damocles found out that a Celebrity passed up visiting the school because of him, he could kiss his job goodbye.

“Fine.” The teacher grit out, stalking out of the room.

“I’ll take the visit up with Principle Damocles, sort out a time and place for the visit.” Said Marinette, “I’ll call you back later to discuss what you want done for the jacket.”

“Cool, rock on, little rocker.” Said Jagged, before hanging up.

“Well, that went well.” Said Alya, as Marinette put her phone away.

“Yeah.” Said Marinette, as an Akuma went past.

“Chloe or the teacher?” A random student asked.

Teacher was the most popular reply.

/*/

“I bet Marinette would wish death on people.” Said Lila, as she tried to spin a tale, not noticing that the Class didn’t seem enamoured with her. It had been a month since the incident, and Chloe seemed to have improved.

“Oh, no,” Said Marinette, her voice going level, detached and deathly calm, “I would never wish death upon someone. I’d just wish they had explosive diaharrea and they have to give a speech and they sneeze at the start.”

Lila slowly backed away, “Is that what you do to your enemies?”

“Only the ones that cross me.” Marinette replied.

There was a moment of silence, before Chloe slammed her hands on her desk and jumped to her feet.

“THAT WAS YOU?!”

[islareeveswriting]

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INSTAS

Hard work always pays off.

At least that was what Molly was telling herself as she packed her bag to head back to uni, after pulling what was pretty much the third all-nighter in a row. Really she didn’t have enough work to justify the graft she was putting in, but she’d make more work, find something to do to fill the hours when she couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to sit in the house, or let herself think about anything other than all the things she was telling herself she had to do. It was a good excuse when any one of her housemates asked where she was off to again. They couldn’t argue with uni work. She’d had nearly a week away from university after Clive had died, and it was deadline season, it made sense she had a lot to do and a lot to catch up on before the end of the year.

All Molly was doing was avoiding the things that were going around her head that she couldn’t help but pay some mind to when there was nothing else to think about. Over and over, she went over and over all the things she should have seen coming, all the little sign posts she’d walked straight past ignorantly, and all the things she still wanted to say. The only way she’d found it possible to keep away from it was to keep busy on anything else, and so she was on her third draft of a four thousand word essay that normally would have taken her not much more than a day to get down and perhaps another couple of hours to proof read, and she was taking her time over Clive’s eulogy, re-reading it every time, at least twice, before carrying on, and the garments she had left to make were being hand stitched for the most part. Anything to make everything take a little more time, so she could spend just a little longer distracted from her head.

It wasn’t wholly working. The thoughts were so all consuming that they somehow always managed to worm their way to the forefront, often without Molly even realising they were doing so. She’d just be sat in the library, or the cafe with Louis, or at her desk in her room, absorbed by work, and suddenly Harry’s face, or something he’d said, or the feeling of his breath on her neck would come steaming through it all and take the wind right out of her. It seemed there was no escaping him really, even if Molly was managing to convince herself she wasn’t thinking about him anymore, was happily moving on, was getting over him and how hurt she’d felt.

It didn’t help that Harry refused to stop trying to contact her. Most days she left her phone in her bag on silent, so she could easily ignore it, pretend like she didn’t know there were messages coming through, calls that she’d find once she got home and checked the phone before putting it face down on her desk to carry on with more work until she couldn’t actually keep her eyes open anymore and she’d crawl onto her bed and fall asleep to do it all again. But every day there’d be at least three messages that she’d simply mark as read without actually reading, and as many missed calls and voicemails that she’d simply clear from the list in her phone. There were far more important things Molly needed, or wanted, or told herself she needed and wanted to concentrate on than whatever Harry had to say for himself.

As far as Molly was concerned, there was still absolutely nothing he could say or do that could make anything he’d said and done better. So she’d rather not hear it.

A knock on her bedroom door called Molly up from the bag she was haphazardly packing, her laptop, it’s charger, headphones in case Louis was busy and she needed something extra to help turn her mind off, her notebook, sketchbook and the two reference books she was using. Molly didn’t say anything but the door opened to Lauren, wearing clothes that told Molly she was planning on staying indoors all day and getting on with her own essays, and the same pitiful look every one of her housemates, apart from Jimmy, had been wearing since the day she walked through the door and collapsed into Jimmy. Just one more reason to get out of the house. The pity didn’t help, it only reminded her there was something, things, that had happened, recently that made people feel sorry for her. That was one thing she could do without. She was as guilty as anyone else, sure she hadn’t lied like Harry had, or dragged her friends under the bus with her, but she never asked for the truth when she knew there were truths to be said. She let him get away with it because it was easy. And now she was paying the consequences.

“Where you going?” Lauren asked, gently pushing the door nearly shut behind her. It didn’t click into the latch, just hung shy of it, a little peep of the hallway behind it visible through the crack left open.

“Out,” Molly mumbled lifting her bag so the things fell to the bottom and she could carry it easily. She had her glasses resting on her nose, her hair tied up tight on top of her head in a neat ballerina bun. Though it was the only thing neat about her. She had a pair of tatty old jeans on that normally she only wore when she was doing messy work for projects, a jumper that was about two sizes too big and had been bought for lounging around in the evenings. It was nothing she’d normally wear out of the house, and Lauren knew that as much as Molly did. Lauren just sighed, and didn’t move from the door, telling Molly, silently, she wasn’t going anywhere until they’d had the conversation in Lauren’s head.

“You need to speak to him Mol, hear what he has to say,” Lauren urged, and Molly knew who she was talking about. There was no one else she could be talking about. Everyone, even Jimmy, had been tiptoeing around talking about Harry with her. After the initial conversation about what had happened, his name hadn’t been mentioned at all, at least not to Molly, or by Molly. She genuinely didn’t think she’d said his name since she left his flat five days previous, and that was fine by her. However, there was Lauren, openly talking about him, tearing down everything Molly had done to keep as much of Harry out as she could. It made Molly kiss her teeth, staring down into her bag, before twisting her neck to Lauren.

“Why?” Molly asked pointedly, nodding her head just once. “Why should I talk to him after he did what he did?” Molly carried on, standing straighter, turning her whole body to face Lauren as she shrugged.

“He’s so sorry Molly, he feels awful, he’s dying to make it right, just hear what he has to say,” Lauren sighed, staring back at Molly with annoying sympathetic and soft eyes, though Molly was beginning to wonder if the sympathy was even for her.

“And how am I meant to believe anything he says? How can you actually want me to even consider taking him back,” Molly chuckled sarcastically, eyes narrowing as she did so and her face creasing up as if she’d smelt something awful.

“I’m not suggesting you take him back, I’m saying you should listen to him” Lauren corrected, pouting just a touch once she’d finished.

“Well he’s obviously managed to work his charm on you,” Molly smirked. “When did you see him?” Molly asked trying to pretend the ugly feeling inside her didn’t look a little like jealousy.

“He comes here every day Molly, and you’d know that if you didn’t keep running off to wherever it is you’re going every fucking day to escape your problems.” The truth stung, and it was hard to swallow. Molly didn’t say anything, just stared back at Lauren and felt her nostrils flare a little. Lauren stared straight back, unflinching, never moving to apologise for what she’d said, that not Molly expected her too. If she could expect the slap of a reality check from anyone, it was Lauren. Really, Molly was surprised it had taken so long for Lauren to hand it to her.

“Since when were you on his side, it was only last month you were telling me to call him out for this shit, and saying I was letting him walk all over me,” Molly pointed out with a flick of her wrist, as gesticulative as ever.

“Have you considered that if you’d taken that advice you might not be here now?” Yes, Molly had considered that, time and time again. She could hear Jimmy not saying it between all the sweet, supportive things he was saying, and it played on her mind along with everything else.

“Look Loz,” Molly started, far more calmly than anything that had come before. “I have got a 4000 word essay to finish, three garments to make, and a eulogy to write, I really don’t need whatever he has to say for himself added to the list of things on my mind,” Molly explained, steadily getting overwhelmed as she spoke.

“Molly-”

“Please Lauren,” Molly cut in, aggravated. “I don’t want to talk about him, or too him, or have anything to do with him right now, I just want to get on, please,” Molly practically begged, her knees bending a little, bouncing there as her hands squeezed tightly together. “And you can tell him as much next time he knocks on the door,” Molly added, finally turning for her bag and pulling it up onto her shoulder.

“I can’t keep turning him away forever,” Lauren told Molly as she stepped closer, moving for the door.

“Don’t worry he’ll get bored eventually,” Molly shrugged, though she didn’t know where the words came from, she had absolutely nothing to base that on, and seeing as she’d already had two messages and a missed call from Harry on her phone when she put in her bag, she doubted, even if it were true, it would be happening any time soon.

“I don’t think he will.” Molly just swallowed, moving past Lauren and leaving her room. Without looking  up or back to Lauren, who whoever else it was lingering in the kitchen, she slipped her trainers on and headed out of the door without a goodbye. Though only because there was a lump in her throat that she knew would make her voice crack if she were to open her mouth from how tightly she had it bitten together.

It was a miserable day. It felt poetic really. The grey clouds, thick air, and dark atmosphere matched Molly’s mood almost identically. It wasn’t cold, but it didn’t mean Molly wanted to take off the jumper that still stunk of Harry after it wormed its way into his home, pretty much the same way she had, and pretty much the same way he’d wormed his way into her life, twisting around everything, so that now everything felt like something was missing. It was the part the hurt the most. That she was missing him so much, that outwardly she could pretend she was done with him, but inside she still cared so much. Too much maybe.

It was hard for Molly to say it ended, mainly because she didn’t know what it was that had ended. What Harry and her had was great, but it didn’t have a name, they’d never labelled it anything, just ran with it, seen where it went, what it led to. Only what it had led to wasn’t exactly where Molly had thought it would. What it led to was her walking alone to a cafe, thinking of him, wanting to see him, talk to him, but knowing that wasn’t the best thing, knowing both would just leave her looking weaker than she felt. She had to wonder if it would have been easier, or harder, if things had been official. It least, she’d have supposed, she’d have known what it was she was losing. As it was, she felt like she was losing a best friend, the person she though she might have been able to see forever out with, the person she was falling for, the person who made her feel like she was capable of just about anything she set her mind on and she didn’t know which one felt worse.

Since she walked out of Harry’s flat, told him she didn’t want to see him again, not entirely sure she actually meant that then or later, she’d been going to the cafe a lot. Everyday in fact, for four days since the Monday she agreed to meet Louis there. She’d been back to lectures as well, but if she wasn’t sat in a near empty lecture hall, or seminar room, or studio, she was in the cafe, with Louis keeping him company from the empty room. It had been quiet since Louis had re-opened. Passers by popped into grab a coffee to go, occasionally people stopped to drink in, but not often enough, definitely not really enough to justify Louis opening. Molly had suggested he close until after the funeral, but Louis didn’t want to do that, and honestly Molly didn’t either. It seemed to be the only place that truly took her mind off everything inside her. At least, Molly supposed, that much hadn’t changed, even if the face behind the counter that smiled as she entered had.

Despite the grey skies, Louis had the tables set up outside, flower pots atop them as normal, chairs sat around them waiting to be used, though Molly doubted anyone would sit in them with the weather the way it was. The metal sign was blowing in the wind, and if it wasn’t for the rocks in the bottom of the flower pots, Molly was sure they’d have been on their sides thanks to the wind that was gradually picking up. Molly pushed the door of the cafe open, and before she saw Louis stood behind the counter, busying over something, she saw him sat at one of the tables, a cup of coffee in front of him, relaxed back in the chair but pulling at his lip in the nervous way he did. It felt like the cafe froze. Harry was the only customer, but he froze, fingers pinching his lip and staring over at Molly. She felt Louis turn to her too, eyes on her firmly as she took deep, but hopefully discreet breaths.

Harry’s eyes found Molly’s, and she swallowed down on nothing as the door closed by itself behind her, standing there staring back at him not entirely sure what her next move was. Anything she might have wanted to say evaporated from her mind, and she felt like she couldn’t move. She felt like she could barely even breathe, despite how obviously her chest was rising and falling.

“I’m sorry Mol, I couldn’t get him to leave,” Louis told Molly, breaking her hypnosis. Molly blinked quickly and shook her head, aiming the movement at Louis, though her eyes were still stuck on Harry, and his on her. It would have been easy to believe Molly and Harry were the only two in the cafe, until Louis raised his voice, neither seeming to notice, or at least forgetting for a moment, that he was there.

“What are you doing?” Molly asked quietly, coldly, lips barely moving as she glared at Harry. Harry sat forward in his chair. She hadn’t expected to see him, not like this, not in that place, and not so soon. Not until she felt like she could look at him and not feel far too much inside her to comprehend anything apart from remembering to keep breathing, and not crying.

“Having a coffee,” Harry told her, shrugging a little, picking up the cup of what Molly could put a very safe bet on being an americano without milk, and taking a sip. Molly’s nostrils flared. He knew what he was doing, he knew she’d be there, at some point, he knew her better than she knew herself sometimes, and this was one of those times. He knew how to keep her talking, how to keep her from simply turning around and walking away save from facing her head or his words or anything that might weaken the hard shell she wore when things were tougher than she’d like.

“Why here?” Molly asked with a little more of an edge in her voice, as Harry sat back again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, the coffee cup clinking back into the saucer. It wasn’t finished with, Molly saw black liquid splash up the side of the cup as he dropped it.

“Why not?” Harry challenged, with another little shrug, corners of his mouth downturning. Air puffed out of Molly’s nose, noisily, her tongue ran along her top teeth and she glared at Harry through narrowed eyes, before chewing on the inside of her mouth, not sure what to say and trying to find something that didn’t give any of her feelings away. “Will you just talk to me please?” Harry begged then, leaning forward once more, hands clasping together purely to keep from trying to reach forward for Molly.

“I don’t want to Harry, I’ve got far too much going on to listen to your lame excuses for why you chose to do what you did,” Molly told him, stepping further into the cafe then and folding her arms across her chest. Louis was silent, stood behind the counter, listening on, watching Molly intently as she moved, Molly could feel him doing it, his eyes on her just as much as Harry’s were. She tried to ignore the feeling of Louis’ eyes gauging into the side of her head, trying to focus on Harry, trying to hold her own, walk her line, keep her head high.

“I haven’t got an excuse, but I want to explain myself, I want to talk about this” Harry told her quietly, softly, far more calm than she could even pretend to be about seeing him after five days of trying with everything to forget what he looked like, how his eyes burrowed into hers, how his hands felt around hers, and on her skin.

“There’s nothing to talk about, this isn’t about what you want, I don’t want an explanation, there’s nothing to explain, you chose to lie to me and that is what it is,” Molly told him cooly, her voice somehow calm and collected despite the shake she could feel in her hands. “I’ve got a eulogy to write,” Molly reminded Harry, nodding to Louis, letting him know she’d found the help she needed for that elsewhere and she saw it crawl over him, jaw tightening and eyes flicking for a second to Louis. “I’ve got an essay to write, and three garments to make, and you are not going to get in the way of a single one of them,” Molly told him slowly, one word at a time, keeping her voice even not daring to let it run away with her where her voice wobbled and weakened.

“Will you ever talk to me?” Harry asked quietly, a tone of fear stitched around his words. Molly sighed, and swallowed, staring at him looking up at her through heavy lidded, dampening eyes.

“I don’t know, but not yet,” Molly told him, and that was the truth. If she did, it wouldn’t be soon. It wouldn’t be until she knew what to say at least, until she could look at him and not want to cry, until she could make some sort of sense of anything in her head other than how much it hurt to look at him and know the wrong thing to do was give in to how much she wanted to take his hand and tell him it was all going to be ok. Harry nodded then, and began sliding his arms back into his coat. “Finish your coffee,” Molly sighed, heading for the counter, lowering her bag as she did so.

“It’s ok, I got what I came for,” Harry told her, getting to his feet, and rounding the table. “Thanks,” He whispered glancing to Molly and Louis, Louis nodded but Molly didn’t do anything just watched him. “I’ll see you soon,” He promised, and Molly held the breath she drew in until Harry had left the cafe and walked out of sight.

“How long was he here?” Molly asked Louis after a minute or two, still staring after Harry even though he was long gone.

“He was outside when I came to open up,” Louis told Molly quietly. “That was about half nine.” Molly nodded, knowing full well, at least two hours had passed since then. “You ok?” Louis asked, Molly sighed and turned to him.

“Yeah,” She nodded, not sure who she was trying to convince, but it certainly didn’t work on herself, and the look Louis gave her told her wasn’t as taken by it either. “I want to get this finished today, so I can start reading over it properly, getting used to it,” Molly told Louis, pulling out the notepad she’d been scrawling down Clive’s eulogy into. She planned on typing it out and printing it before Friday and she had two days until then.

“We don’t have to do this right now, if you want to sit for a minute,” Louis suggested, and the tone of voice told Molly it was more than just a kind suggestion, but more of an encouragement, more like something he felt she should do.

“No, I want to do this,” Molly told Louis, knowing if she sat for even just a minute, she’d start to think too much about how kind Harry’s voice had been, how gentle he’d been, how soft his eyes were, how tired and worn out he looked.

They sat at the same table they’d been sat at all week, the one against the wall, sitting on the bench seat together with a pot of tea between them and Molly’s notebook out on the table. Molly had filled pages with half written eulogy’s that had ended up in the bin. Now she had pages of notes, things about Clive she loved, adored, came to rely on, ways he talked to her and helped her, little jokes they’d shared, and she was trying to condense it all into something that would take her no more than five minutes to read. It was hard, condensing all that, all those things she loved about someone she loved, onto a page and a half.

It had been Wednesday she’d decided not to go the traditional route, to steer away from Clive’s early life, how he’d ended up where he was, with the cafe and the pub, and where he’d met his wife and the mother of his children. Molly didn’t know that Clive, and it was hard to connect with information that read like simple facts. Clive was far more to her than dates and times and places. The Clive she knew and loved was funny and kind and sweet and made the best cheese scones for at least a ten mile radius.

As she wrote, and talked with Louis, she realised that was the thing about Clive. He was so many things to so many people, and none of them were straight forward. He was willing and always ready to be whatever anyone needed him to be to put a smile on their face, as selfless as they came.

Even when she was trying hard not to, she came back to Harry. She’d had so many conversations with Clive about Harry, about the things he did that upset her, and the things he did that made her smile. The way he bought her beautiful flowers, but shut himself off every now and again, the way he made her smile without bounds, but he made himself a stranger, the way he made her feel like she could conquer the world if that was what she wanted, but like she couldn’t conquer him. Of course she wanted to talk about things with Harry now, where she found herself with him and the confusion of feelings she had for him. How she loved him, but didn’t like him.

When Molly sat back in the seat with a sigh and stared down at the paper, her back ached and her eyes were sore. They’d cried a little, a little from laughter, but mostly from sadness as it all came to hit home again, like it did everytime they sat down and Molly put into words what Louis’ dad had meant to her. Molly couldn’t imagine how tough Louis was finding it, but it put her problems into perspective and it made things feel far easier to deal with. If Louis could deal with losing his father, Molly could deal with losing him too, and whatever it was Harry was to her.

“I think that’s it,” Molly announced breathing deeply. She wasn’t really sure how long they’d been sat there, but outside was getting dark. The sun hadn’t made an appearance all day, the sky just a darker shade of grey than it had been when Molly had arrived hours previous. She glanced over the two pages of lined paper in front of her. It wasn’t the eulogy she’d expected to write when Louis had asked her, but she was happy with it, and it was far better than anything else she’d started with before. “Are you sure you’re happy with it?” Molly asked Louis again though, wincing a little, waiting for what she thought was the truth, that it wasn’t what he wanted, not what his mum would want, and surely not what Clive had, had in mind when he’d asked for Molly to do it.

“I love it, Dad would love it, it’s great,” Louis smiled honestly, blue eyes glittering back at her. “Thank you for doing this,” Louis told her, suddenly, out of nowhere, reaching for one of her hands that was resting over one of the papers, wrapping his fingers around hers and squeezing tightly. It made Molly feel strange, but she just smiled and squeezed back, friendly.

“That’s ok,” Molly smiled, turning to look at Louis again. He was already staring back at her, eyes narrowing for a second, and dropping down her face, lifting slowly back to her eyes as he rolled his lips together. Molly might have seen it coming if it wasn’t so far from anything she expected to happen, but before she had time to compute, Louis was leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. Molly froze for a few moments, completely, her eyes were pinned open as Louis’ lips rested against hers, shock working its way through her. Molly pulled back pinching her lips together and ripping her hand from Louis’. “What the fuck?” She asked, and maybe it was harsh, but she felt sick to her stomach, her chest was heaving and her hands were shaking. Louis watched her slide along the bench away from him, her face screwed up in confusion. All Molly could think about was Harry. All she could feel, after the shock started to subside, was guilt. But why she didn’t know.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I just…” Louis trailed off as Molly got to her feet grabbing her bag.

“No you shouldn’t have,” Molly confirmed. She was going back through the day, through the past few days, trying to figure out if there was anything she’d done or said that would have given Louis the impression anything like that was on the table. But she couldn't’ find a single thing that suggested it would be ok for him to try and kiss her.

“I’m so sorry, I’m, my head, I’m all over the place, I don’t know why I did that, I guess, I dunno, just you told Harry to leave earlier, and the heat of the moment, I thought…” Louis trailed off again, and Molly shook her head she shoved things back into her bag.

“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, I don’t know what’s going on with me and Harry right now, I still have a lot of feelings for him, and I’m trying to figure it out, but I’m definitely not looking for anything with anyone else right now,” Molly clarified, and Louis nodded. “I’m gonna go,” Molly told Louis, in case that wasn’t clear from her packed bag that was back on her shoulder.

“I am really sorry Molly, I don’t want it to change things with us, I like you as a friend, that was stupid,” Louis mumbled quietly, tears in his eyes.

“It’s ok, it’s fine, I get it, tensions are a bit high, but I’m just gonna go, I think it’s best if I leave, and I’ll see you tomorrow, or Friday, or something,” Louis just nodded again, as Molly backed out of the cafe, turning for the door and keeping her head down as she walked past the window away from the cafe. Inside her chest, her heart was hammering against her ribs, she didn’t want to walk away from Louis, she wanted to be there for him, but she couldn’t sit with him after that like nothing had happened, pretending like she was thinking about anything other than Harry and how much she wanted to feel his lips, how much she missed his kiss, and how guilty she felt for having anyone else’s lips on her mouth.

She reached for her phone, shoved into the pocket of her bag and brought the screen to life. No missed calls, no messages, since she’d seen Harry, but she unlocked it to the three she hadn’t read before leaving the house. Her thumb hovered over the call button. She’d never wanted to hear his voice so much. Never wanted to hear what he had to say so badly. Never wanted to run to him so quickly.

But she didn’t. Just locked her phone again, shoved it into her pocket, and walked quickly, thigh burningly quick, towards home. Or more accurately, the house she called home.

The house was empty when she got in, deadly silent and all the lights off. Molly quickly turned the hallway light on and shuffled through to her room. All she wanted to do was lie in the silence of the place and try not to think.

It didn’t work. She laid on her back, stared at her ceiling, and her mind went wild. It started spinning over things that she hadn’t even contemplated before, working into black holes that she hadn’t noticed until then. All she wanted was for it to be as quiet inside her as it was on the outside. All she wanted was five minutes of peace. But it just wouldn’t come. Her eyes were getting heavy though, and she let them drop, supposing if she couldn’t get any quiet whilst she was awake, she may as well get some of the sleep her body was so obviously craving. Before sleep could even raise it’s head though, the doorbell sounded loud and echoing around the flat.

There wasn’t any sound of movement in the flat, Molly knew she had to get up and answer the door. Whoever was there knew she was in, her bedroom light was on, her room faced the road, they could see it through the window. Nothing in her wanted to get up and answer the door, Molly was quite happy to carry on lying on her back, legs dangling from her bed, staring at her ceiling, tears in her eyes and overthinking her thoughts. Instead, she sighed, and got up, dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, trying to soak up the uncried tears, and headed out to the front door, leaving her bedroom door open, not expecting to be long, expecting it was one of her house mates having forgot their key, or the postman unable to deliver something next door.

Whatever, Molly was expecting, it certainly wasn’t Niall, and she felt her face fall in confusion as she opened the door to him, clad in jeans and hoodie, dirty blonde hair windswept across his head, but eyes shining as always.

“Niall,” Molly almost gasped. “Sorry, hi, erm Nat’s not here,” Molly told him, looking back over her shoulder to the empty, quiet flat. All her housemates had gone off to lectures, seminars, to the library to study. Even Lauren, who Molly had thought would be settled in at her desk for the day based on her appearance that morning.

“I came to see you,” Niall told her, hands finding the pockets of his jeans.

“Oh, right,” Molly frowned a little, hesitating, unsure. She liked Niall, she’d always like Niall, he was easy to like, unproblematic, easy going, relaxed. But he was Harry’s best friend, and he was on her doorstep saying he wanted to see her, and Molly was sure there was only one way it was going. Evidently Niall got there first though, watching the cogs in her mind work to the wrong conclusion.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and convince you to see or talk to Harry or anything,” Niall reassured with half a knowing smile.

“Thanks,” Molly sighed, stepping aside and letting Niall into the house, leaving the door for him to close as he kicked off his shoes. “Did you want a cuppa?” Molly asked over her shoulder as she headed for the kitchen, her socked feet sliding along the laminate flooring.

“Yeah, sure, ta,” Niall answered, following Molly. He wasn’t a stranger to the flat, not really. Although he’d only visited a few times, he knew his way around, and made himself at home at the kitchen table as Molly filled the kettle to boil it. “So how’s things?” Niall asked, and Molly looked over to him, sat at their table, leaned back in her chair, and watching her drop tea bags into mugs. At first Molly just shrugged, but it was quite evident that wasn’t going to be enough, as Niall just continued to stare, waiting patiently for Molly to say something.

“They’re ok, I mean, could be worse right?” Molly smirked, but Niall just shook his head.

“I guess,” He sighed, “But you’re allowed to say you feel shit if you feel shit Mol,” Niall told her.

“Well yeah, I feel shit then,” Molly grumbled, just as the kettle clicked off. Half the reason Molly had been avoiding anyone who might want to ask her how she was, or talk to her about how she was feeling, was because she’d rather not dwell on it. She’d rather just distract herself from how down and hurt she was feeling, from how she was feeling a little lost and a lot of confused, by keeping out of the way of anyone who was likely to call her out on it. But now she had Niall sat in her kitchen, and it was evident he wasn’t going to let her get away with it.

“Thought you’d say that,” Niall nodded, as Molly filled the mugs with hot water and moved for the fridge, grabbing the milk. It was silent for a few seconds as Molly literally bit her tongue, though she couldn’t really keep it back, she wanted to know. After seeing him that morning, dark circles under his eyes that reminded her of the black eyes she’d seen him wear, his hair greasy and scraped back painfully tight, into a small bun, and his skin almost grey, but at the very least it certainly wasn’t vibrant and glowy the way it tended to be.

“How’s Harry?” She asked quietly, wondering if Niall would even be able to hear as she focused her eyes on the teabags, straining them as much as she could, putting all her effort into that, and to keeping her eyes wide until they stung from needing to blink rather than needing to cry.

“Pretty shit too, actually very shit,” Niall mused, and Molly didn’t miss the way his mouth twisted a little, chewing on the inside of his mouth as she put the milk back in the fridge. “Unfortunately,” Niall started again, raising his eyes from the table to Molly who was noisily stirring the tea, “It’s hard to have sympathy for him when he’s bought it all on himself.”

“Niall,” Molly sighed. “If I’m allowed to tell you I feel shit, you’re allowed to tell me you feel sorry for your best mate, it’s fine I get it,” Molly told him, picking up the mugs. And she did get it. Deep down part of Molly felt sorry for him as well, and she was the one he’d fired at. He was broken, hurt, and though that didn’t excuse all the wrong he’d done, it was hard not to want to pick him up and make him ok again. Molly just knew she couldn’t be the one to do that, at least not yet, not when there was so much in her head that made no sense.

“Thanks,” Niall smiled, as Molly placed a mug of steaming, strong tea down in front of him. “I don’t feel sorry for him, I just wish he’d stop trying to hide all this shit, the right person isn’t going to turn him down because of it, it’s just part of who he is, what made him who he is, and there’s nothing wrong with him when he’s not lying about shit,” Niall practically growled. Molly could bet Niall had told him as much, in the same frustrated tone, but she could also bet Harry wouldn’t accept it, the same way he hadn’t when she’d told him similar things.

“I did tell him that,” Molly told Niall, wishing someone, anyone could get through to him. Though she supposed at least it wasn’t just her that couldn’t make him see how worthwhile he was. Niall nodded, before taking a mouthful of his tea. Molly followed suit, both of them in their heads for a second and letting a silence take over for just a few moments.

“How’s things going with the eulogy?” Niall asked, changing the subject. They both knew they could go round and round in circles with Harry and it wouldn’t end any other way. Molly had been doing it for hours, in her own head, and it only left her frustrated and at a loss. Though she hadn’t expected that to be the change of subject, not sure how Niall came to know about Clive’s eulogy, and clearly it read on her face, as he answered her question she hadn’t asked out loud. “Harry told me.” Molly nodded, swallowing on nothing.

“Finished it today,” Molly told him quietly. “With Clive’s son,” She added, before rolling her lips together. She swore she could still taste Louis on them, masking Harry, and it made her quickly flick them back out of her mouth. The taste of the tobacco he’d smoked was lingering on them, and the tea he’d been drinking as they wrote, and it made her feel sick. It made her wipe her fingers over her mouth harshly, trying to get rid of it.

“Harry said he saw you at the cafe,” Niall mentioned, and Molly nodded lowering her head.

“I was harsh,” She mumbled, she supposed. It had just been such a shock to see him, her heart was bitter, and she couldn’t trust her tongue to act nicely when she saw the one who had made it that way.

“I don’t think he was worried about that,” Niall told Molly. “He just wanted to see you, make sure you were ok,” Niall went on, and Molly nodded, taking a deep shaky breath. She wasn’t ok. She was holding herself together as best she could, but where it should have been getting easier, it was getting harder. Especially when Niall was telling her all Harry wanted was to make sure she was fine. He was losing sleep wondering if she was ok, and she was losing sleep trying to be ok. There was a tinge of guilt, and it only washed stronger with Niall’s words. The taste of tobacco and stale tea was on her tongue, and the nausea got more intense.

“Louis, Clive’s son,” Molly added quickly, eyes lifting to Niall. “Kissed me earlier.” It was only when she said it, holding Niall’s eyes, that she realised how much she’d needed to get it out, tell someone, what had happened.

“Oh right,” Niall almost winced, stiffening a little, or at least sitting straighter and rolling his shoulders back. Molly nodded, her mouth hanging open a little and her breathing getting shorter. It was coiling in her, guilt and almost anger and confusion, and it was all a tangled mess that made tears form in her eyes, and her breath shake, and her nostrils flare.

“Why do I feel guilty for someone else kissing me?” Molly asked quietly, not really expecting an answer and so dropping her eyes to her tea, blinking quickly to try and force the tears away, sniffing on nothing. Niall’s hand reached for hers though and took it, trapping it up and squeezing it a little, asking for her eyes without saying a word.

“You have nothing to feel guilty for,” Niall told her strongly, squeezing her hand again as she did so.

“I feel like I’ve cheated on him, I feel like I did after I kissed you, I feel so guilty,” Molly told Niall honestly. It felt so obvious. Of course she felt guilty, just because Harry had done something wrong, didn’t make her stop loving him. She felt like she’d cheated because the feelings hadn’t gone away and she supposed they might not. “I shouldn’t feel guilty after he’s done what he’s done,” Molly sighed.

“Come on Mol, you’re smart you know it’s not that straight forward,” Niall reminded her, Molly just shrugging a little. “Just because he fucked up doesn’t get rid of feelings like the ones you have for one another, but you don’t have anything to feel guilty for” Niall tried to assure her, but it didn’t eliminate the part of her that wanted to run to Harry and tell him everything, and tell him she was sorry it had happened, that she didn’t mean for it to happen, that she wished it hadn’t happened. “It’s ok to want to fix what you have with him,” Niall pointed out, hitting the nail bang on the head.

“I shouldn't want to fix this, it’s so fucked, but I do, and I’m so scared of that,” Molly admitted. It was strange to have it all come pouring out for Niall, he was the last person she expected to throw all her feelings at, just to get it out of her, just so it would all stop poisoning her mind. But she supposed it was just all too much, and she couldn’t keep it inside her any longer.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of in wanting to fix something with someone you care about, of course you want him to make it right, you’re allowed to want him to make it right, it doesn’t make you a bad person, or a weak person, it makes you human, with feelings, and emotions, and you don’t need to apologise to anyone, least of all yourself, because of that,” Niall told her, and Molly found herself taking a deep breath, breathing it all in, every word Niall had to say, letting it wrap around all the negative, poisonous thoughts and feelings inside her, around everything bitter and hateful, letting it calm it, neutralise it, so it was at least easier to deal with. “Molly it’s ok,” Niall told her.

“I’m just so confused,” Molly told Niall, tears filling her eyes and quietly seeping out.

“I know,” Niall nodded. “I am not trying to convince you to see him, or talk to him, or do anything you don’t feel ready or comfortable to do, but he cares about you so much, he’s happiest when you’re happy, he feels bad when you’re hurt, and he feels broken that he’s hurt you most, I know for a fact, he would give up his whole life to help you with yours, to be in yours, just for a second,” Niall told her, and Molly knew it wasn’t over exaggerated or made up, she could see it on Niall’s face, in his eyes, and the way he held his voice, that it was nothing but honest truth.

“How do you know all this?” Molly asked quietly, her throat clogged up with emotion.

“He told me,” Niall admitted carefully, “Just before he asked me to come round her and make sure you were ok,” Niall went on, nibbling at his bottom lip and waiting for Molly to react. She didn’t really though, just let out a deep, shaky breath. “That’s all he seems to care about at the moment, that you’re ok,” Niall finished, still quietly.

“Perhaps he should have cared a bit more about that, before he lied so much,” Molly pointed, and was glad to see Niall agreed with a nod.

“Though, and it doesn’t make it ok, and it’s fucked, but he did because he cares, he thought he was protecting you,” Niall told her but Molly just huffed a sarcastic laugh and shook her head.

“What on earth from?” Molly shrugged frustrated again.

“Himself.” Molly just froze with that, nostrils flaring as she stared at Niall. She bit her back teeth together, jaw clenching tightly. It wasn’t himself though, it was just the parts of himself that he didn’t like. He didn’t want to admit he was a father, because it meant admitting he’d made bad choices, and been a bad person. He didn’t want to admit his sister had died, because it meant admitting that he felt that he’d let someone he loved down, so convinced it was his fault. He didn’t want to admit he looked for fights when he got angry, because it meant admitting he got angry enough to want to hit something, hurt something, hurt himself rather than anyone else anymore.

“This makes no sense,” Molly sighed.

“You need to talk to him,” Niall admitted at last. Molly just cocked an eyebrow sure Niall had told her he wasn’t going to convince her to talk to Harry, or go and see him. “I’m not saying anything he will tell you will make anything better, but it might make more sense once you’ve heard what he has to say, and at least then you’ll really know what you’re getting back into, or what you choose to walk away from.” Molly felt herself fall back into the chair, all the air seeping out of her. Deep down she knew Niall was right, she needed to see Harry, and she needed to hear what he had to say, because there was no way she’d ever be able to get her head around it otherwise, and it would always keep her awake, and she’d always wonder if Harry would have been able to make it right, make it ok, keep them afloat, if only she’d given him the chance.

MY HEARTTT that is all

HMU with them thoughts and feelings and as always have marvellous weekends <3

[randomwordsandstormydays]

The One Where Mandy Loses Her Tongue

Please read the TWs before you read this fic.

TW: graphic depictions of violence, character death, explicit sexual references/content, child abuse, cursing, aggressive language, sexual assault/non-con, sexual explicit references/content, read the title y’all if you can’t read a very detailed scene about a girl getting her tongue cut out- then don’t read this

“I expect to see these crops harvested and prepared by sundown. Do you understand?”

Mandy nods her head, being sure to keep her gaze away from the man’s face. Eye contact isn’t allowed. At age 12, Mandy has learned the radier’s rules, which ones need to be followed to the letter, and which ones she can break with minimal consequences. Direct acknowledgment is not one she can get away with.

“Good. Now go.”

With no hesitation Mandy takes off for the fields, making sure to watch her footing so she doesn’t accidentally trample over the freshly budding tato plants. If she ruined them she’d be in a lot of trouble. The other slaves have already begun the days harvest, but that morning Mandy had been on water collection duty, which means the easy part of her day has already been done. When she was younger the others helped her so that she didn’t fall behind, they would help her dig and plant, often times cutting their own deadlines close. Now, however, she’s old enough to fend for herself, and with no parents to speak of, she really is alone.

It’s nearly the end of the day when she finishes shucking the last of the corn. Her fingers are bruised from the digging she had to do with her bare hands, but the pain she feels doesn’t matter when her eyes fall on the forgotten basket of razorgrain.

Terror claws at her throat, stealing her breath and sending her into a panic. There’s not nearly enough time to strip the grain before sundown. Desperately she glances around, searching for someone to help her, but no one is near, they’ve all gone in for their evening duties. Mandy doesn’t know what to do. Does she try and finish her taskings, or does she go inside and do her nighttime chores?

In the end she decides to try and finish, she can feel the heat of tears as they try and escape, blurring her vision and making her job more difficult. She’s nearly full on sobbing by the time her handler shows, fury visible on his face. Before she can even think to come up with an excuse he’s grabbing her by the throat and lifting her onto her feet.

With the combination of his hand and her emotional distress she finds that she can’t breathe. Fear trickles into her mind as the edges of her vision start to blur and turn black. The raider is yelling at her, distantly she hears his voice, but he sounds far away, like he’s standing at the end of a tunnel. Then, suddenly, the pressure is gone and she’s gasping for air as she lies on the ground. There’s a sharp pain as his foot meets her stomach, and she swears a rib cracks, but the pain there is nothing compared to her throat and lungs as they desperately try and get her the oxygen she needs.

“-you don’t get off the fucking floor right this second I’ll fucking kill you.” His words register quickly and Mandy manages enough wits to get onto her feet. Then a hand is in her hair, dragging her towards the barn. She doesn’t dare struggle, or call out in pain. Her breathing isn’t easy and the pain in her ribs is fracturing out, desperately she hopes nothing has broken.

The doors open and she’s not at all surprised to see a group of raiders sitting around the campfire, rage and delight mixed in their expressions. That night they beat her so badly she can’t move for three days.

Seven years later and Mandy is thriving under her new owners. She’s been with them for four years and even through they’re raiders, they treat her just fine. Punishments are few and far between, and she’s old enough to keep up with the steady workflow. The ease of the rules has made her rebellious, snarky, sarcastic. She gets away with it under Lytle, he’s strict and demanding, but at the same time he’s understanding and kind. The raiders he keeps treat her more as a worker than a slave, and she has his influence to thank.

The horrors of her childhood haven’t been forgotten, but the wounds - both physical and mental - have been allowed to heal in this new environment. Gouges that went to the bone, ones she never imagined would ever heal, have shrunk down to tiny cuts and scrapes, there, but easily pushed past. Never would she have ever guessed that she’d be happy as a slave, but she’s as close as she can get.

The day she wakes to find Lytle dead is the worst of her life, so far.

The group of raiders that wake her, still covered in his blood, remind her so much of her old owners that she finds herself flinching away from them. She doesn’t put up a fight as they steal her from what she’s come to think of as her home, but her legs give out when she sees the state of Lytle’s body. What’s left of it.

The laugh at her as she cries, call her a whore, a raider’s slut, ask her if he was a good lay while he was alive. She doesn’t bother to tell them that Lytle never touched her, that he treated her less like a slave and more like a daughter. Instead she cries, trying to force the image of his bloody and broken body from her mind. It doesn’t work, and she’s left shivering and sobbing as they thrust her into the back of a cart.

At 19, Mandy finds herself back under the ownership of a group of angry, violent, abusive, and dangerous raiders. She disgusted with how easy it is to fall back into her old habits, her cowering, the fear, an inability to look someone in the eye. Two weeks into her new job, she makes a mistake.

Under Lytle and his gang she was allowed to speak her mind, tease the group a little, offer her ideas. She forgets that she can’t do that here.

Findley, her newest owner, is planning an operation for taking over a rival gang’s territory. Mandy is off to the side of the room, trying to make herself as small and unnoticeable as possible. However, she can’t help but listen in.

“I say we go around the tunnels, try and flank them.”

Before she can stop herself she’s snorting quiet laughter. “Sounds like a good way to get yourselves killed.”

The silence that rings out is like a punch to the gut, and she can feel the air whip out of her. This is not good.

“What did you say?” The question comes from who she has worked out to be Findley’s second in command, Logan.

She turns slowly, careful to look at the floor. “Nothing, I said nothing.”

Logan’s face twists as he squints his eyes at her, obviously angry at her denial. “Don’t fucking talk again.”

“Now hold on.” Findley rises from his chair to stand between her and Logan. “If the girl has something to say, maybe we should listen.” There isn’t a person in the room that doesn’t throw him an incredulous and confused look. It’s completely out of character for him, and that makes nervousness clump in her stomach like a rock. He turns to her, “speak.”

It is not a request.

Still, she has trouble finding her voice. It comes out quiet, even to her own ears, “I was only saying that-”

“Speak up,” Findley shouts, causing her to jolt back, “you wanted to be heard, well, we’re listening.”

Mandy swallows, feeling the fear as it climbs up her throat. All of the raiders are looking at her and she hates it, she just wants to fade into the shadows. Still, she won’t disobey him. “Going around the sewers isn’t a good idea. There are snipers in the buildings surrounding it. They’d kill you before you even saw them.” A few heads tilt at that information, it’s not something she should know, she answers their questions without being asked. “I used to work under the group you’re going against. I know their hiding spots, and while the tunnels have ferals, they’re a lot safer than the streets.”

Findley’s eyes shine as she speaks, clearly delighted. It terrifies her. “Well, well, looks like it was a good thing she spoke up, isn’t it boys?” The raiders all nod their heads enthusiastically. When he turns back to her the delight is gone, replaced with an icy hatred. “Too bad you spoke out of turn, slave.”

There’s no chance for her to run, or fight back, as Findley jumps forward, catching her by the hair and tossing her to the floor. Her skull cracks against the floor with a sickening thud and she immediately feels light-headed, but doesn’t pass out. His knees crush her arms and his ankles hold down her hips. She can’t move anything but her legs. As soon as she realises that, a pair of hands wrap around her ankles, pinning her to the ground.

His hand wraps around her jaw, squeezing so hard she knows there will be bruises. “Do you know what I do to snarky little girls who speak out of turn?” A thousand images of what he could do to her flash though Mandy’s mind, none seem plausible, but all possible. He sneers, leaning is so close she can smell his disgusting breath. “I make sure they can never speak again.”

At first, she thinks that he means to kill her, then he pops open her mouth with one filthy hand and reaches for his knife with the other. Too late she realizes what is about to happen. In her desperation she goes to bite down on his hand, anything to keep the sharp steel from entering her mouth. All this does is make him mad, and his fingers tighten over her jaw, forcing her teeth to part.

An animal like scream tears from her as the serrated edge meets her flesh and a white hot pain stems from her mouth and crests down over her entire body. Her exclamations of pain are drowned out as blood fills her mouth and begin to trickle down her throat. Coughs tear from her as her body tries to expel the liquid that’s pooling, it sprays over Findley’s face, but he doesn’t seem to care. The last thing she sees before she passes out is his face, covered in blood, smirking down at her.

When she wakes up, she’s still on the floor, but the room is empty and she’s alone. Judging from the blood that hasn’t yet dried on her skin or the floor, she hasn’t been unconscious for long.

Then she sees it. Her tongue.

The taste of iron and dirt is no longer present in her mouth, in fact, she can’t taste anything. She goes to speak, to scream, to call for help, but no words come out, only muffled gargles that send her into tears. Alone in the room Mandy cries, she cries until there are no more tears, then, on unsteady legs, she lifts herself off the ground and makes her way to what passes for a doctor around here.

When she enters the medbay Deborah, a slave medic, turns to her. “How can I-” Her face pales when she looks over Mandy. “My god, what did they do to you?”

There’s not even enough energy in her to cry. She goes to speak, before remembering that she can’t. And, oh, look at that, she does have a few more tears. Deborah rushes over to her, already brandishing a wet cloth. As she wipes away the blood and tears she asks questions that go unanswered, until finally Mandy steps back and points to her mouth.

Confusion quickly turns to understanding which then morphs into horror. Mandy can see her own tears reflected in Deborah’s face. “Oh, my poor child.” The older woman wraps Mandy in her arms, holding her tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” They stay like that for a long time until Deborah pulls back. There’s sadness and sympathy reflected in her eyes. “I need to take a look.” Mandy can only nod.

The whole procedure of inspecting, cleaning, and treating is done in less than 10 minutes, yet Mandy feels like it’s been hours. She wants to sleep. As if reading her mind Deborah points at a cot. “They left to go attack that other gang, they won’t be back for a few hours. Stay here, I’ll go clean up and finish your taskings for today.” Mandy goes to argue but Deborah is persistent. “You’re in no state to work, stay here and rest.”

Every night for the next three weeks she relives the experience. Sleep is no reprieve from the waking world, night and day are nightmares just the same.

23 days after he takes her tongue, Mandy decides on her revenge.

It’s not something she had planned out, wasn’t anything she thought about or considered, but when the opportunity to get back at Findley for what he did presents itself, she doesn’t pass it up.

Disgustingly, she’s on her knees in front of him, cleaning the blood and mud off of his boots. It’s her first time alone with him since the incident, and fear tarnishes her every move. Every little flinch, breath, sound, that he makes has her shying away. He notices.

“You know, slave, now that you’re not talking back or causing trouble, I’ve realized that you’re very pretty.” Her words have bile rising in her throat, but she swallows it back. She can feel herself trembling as he traces a hand over her jaw, running his fingers over the ghost of the bruises that he left on her. When he tightens his grip her mind freezes, reliving the moment when he did the same thing a few weeks ago. “I love when a woman looks scared, terrified,” he licks a stripe up the side of her face and she has to force herself to stay still, “makes me want to break them even more.”

Too many emotions are piling up inside her chest, crushing her like an overturned wall. It’s then that she sees the knife.

At first, it scares her. Seeing the sharp object that separated her from her tongue isn’t what she wanted to do today, but then an idea forms. If she could get the knife from him… her thought process is cut off as he jerks her head to the side and bites at her ear. A hiss of pain forces itself past her lips before she can stop it, but Findley looks delighted.

Mandy lets him maneuver her off the ground and onto his lap. There’s nothing much she can do, she has to play the game, just long enough for him to let his guard down.

“Normally, I’d make you blow me,” his mouth splits into a vile grin, “but I can’t imagine what that would feel like without a tongue, less fun I’m betting. Plus,” he adds, as he forces her to look down, “I can’t trust you not to bite off the goods.”

Somehow she manages to keep the disgust and hurt off of her face.

By the time her opportunity comes he’s out of his clothes and she’s trying to keep hers on. He’s fighting with her jeans when her moment arises. By this time Findley has gotten her onto the floor, leaning over her, with his own clothes scattered near her hip. The reflection of the lights off the knife’s edge catches her eye, and before she can hesitate she connects her knee with his face.

He’s clearly not expecting the blow because his neck cracks back and he yelps out. In a flash she has her hand on the knife and she whips it behind her, catching Findley on the chest. Dark red blood starts to seep from his cut, but she doesn’t even notice it as she uses all of her weight to crash down and knock him to the floor.

There’s shock all over his face, but she doesn’t even take a second to be proud of that before she plunges the blade into his neck. His scream dies before it can fully form, and she watches as the life drains out of him.

When his gurgling finally stops she removes the knife, eerily delighted as the blood runs down her arm.

For the first time since Lytle was murdered Mandy feels calm. She doesn’t rush as she cleans herself and fixes her clothing. Nothing but delight and calmness flows through her as she makes her escape. A slight pang of regret resonates in her chest when she thinks about Deborah and the other slaves, but she shoves it aside. If they want to escape they can fight their way out themselves.

Something inside of her has changed, Findley’s death brought peace with it and she inhales deeply, feeling the radiation tinged air. Freedom, for the first time since she was a little girl. She turns towards where she knows Lytle’s farm to be. The first thing she plans on doing with her freedom is go home, after that, she’ll find her own crew. And bring what’s left of Findley’s gang to the ground.

---

Click here to go back to my OC writings master list.

[gwenbrightly]

Maybe

Cross posted from ffnet. Hello everyone! Welcome to the fic that was supposed to be my Valentines Day special… But… I'm not great with deadlines, so it's a few days late. "Maybe" is centered around Kai and Skylor, and takes place between s4 and s5. I've taken some liberties here with how Master Chen's Noodle House operates, and a few other things, but I really hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing Kailor! It was definitely interesting, trying to find the right balance between awkward dorkiness and adorable fluff, but I had a lot of fun writing this, as random as it turned out! Enjoy!

________________________________________________________________

Skylor stared balefully at her watch, silently willing the meeting she was currently in the middle of to reach its end before she got driven insane. The past month had been an exhausting, chaotic mess for her, and she was ready for it to be over. Following her father's banishment to the cursed realm, she had begun fighting to rebuild his noodle empire in a much less criminally inclined way. There had been little time to relax; she'd barely been able to appreciate the fact that she was living on her own terms for the first time in her life before being thrust into the process of orchestrating the many changes that needed to be made. Countless hours had been dedicated to debating and discussing, interviewing and observing, adjusting and questioning. All in the hopes of giving those associated with the many branches of the popular restaurant a chance at a new beginning. And it was nice, to have a purpose. But there were times where she debated whether or not she was actually making any headway.

"But if we reconfigure our employee rights policy as you have proposed, production may be negatively effected, which will most certainly lead to a significant decrease in profit..." A representative from one of the noodle factories pointed out, not at all pleased with the adjustments the redhead had just described. Sometimes she wondered if the individual in question wanted her to fail. She could've sworn she heard someone grunt in agreement. The bespectacled young women across the table from her glanced up from her Borg tablet in concern. Skylor shook her head. Best not to let this situation get out of hand.

"I am aware of that, Mr. Millers. I've already told you multiple times that I am more than prepared to deal with the consequences of any adjustments we make as long as it allows us to give Master Chen's Noodle House the positive reputation it deserves. So, really, I'm not sure why you've brought this up again." She said with a sigh. How much longer before she could retreat to the safety of her apartment? 10, 15 more minutes?

"Miss Chen has made great progress over the past few weeks. Just think of how popular the puffy potstickers have become since she decided to put them back on the menu." June, her recently hired assistant manager added quietly. Yes, she had made the right decision in selecting this girl to join her tightly knit team of employees, even if she was rather soft spoken.

"I am merely... concerned that these changes have not been thought out sufficiently. This business has existed for decades... It would be a shame if someone were to... Run it into the ground with unrealistic dreams..." The man replied in an oily tone, giving her a very fake smile. Skylor frowned. Such behavior was only going to make the meeting more tedious. It was official. He definitely wouldn't mind seeing her slip up.

"First of all, the lack of pay and deplorable working conditions seen in many of our more rural factories could be considered illegal, as I'm sure you know, and second of all, don't think I'm oblivious to what you are insinuating. I had hoped that your expertise and years of experience would be beneficial in reforming my father's business, but if you continue to undermine my judgement and fight me at every turn, I will be forced to ask you to leave." She informed Mr. Millers with a pointed stare. He deflated slightly but didn't seem overly thrilled to have been called out on his behavior.

"...As you wish, Ms. Chen..." For now.

"Good." Skylor declared forcefully, sharing an exasperated look with June, " I propose that we begin implementing adjustments as planned, then. To start with, all workers will now be entitled to a 15 minute break every three hours, and a half an hour break after five. Shifts will be no longer than nine hours, and we are increasing pay to minimum wage. All in favor?" She and June raised their hands immediately. The head delivery truck driver, quality control specialist, and several faculty members hailing from various locations, joined them, eventually, leaving a disgruntled Mr. Millers and one additional factory representative as the only opposers.

"That's eight for and two against. Sorry, Mr. Millers, but it looks like majority wins in this case." Skylor's assistant declared, hurriedly typing the results of the vote for posterity. She didn't appear even remotely apologetic about this turn of events.

"Thank you, everyone, for being so flexible. I know we've experienced a lot of changes lately, but I truly believe they will help make Master Chen's more successful in the long run. Now, is there anything else we need to discuss? I know many of you have families to get home to, so I'd prefer not to drag this meeting out any more than we have to, especially on a Saturday." Skylor commented with a relieved smile. Almost finished...

"I vote we call it quits. Today's supposed to be date night with the wife." Offered the truck driver. The others nodded their assent. Even those who were dissatisfied with the outcome of the meeting were ready to depart.

"Okay, then. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I'll see all of you next week, alright?" The redhead called as conference room exploded into a flurry of chairs being pushed forward and paperwork being packed away.

"Phew. Glad that's over." June told her, watching everyone leave.

"Yep. We survived another run in with the infamous Mr. Millers."

"He sure is determined to throw you to the sharks... I don't know how you do it..."

"It isn't easy, but I'm sure he'll come around. Eventually. Or he'll just straight up quit. But it helps to have such a good team on my side." Skylor replied, elbowing her, "You've been a great help in getting everything organized. I really appreciate all your hard work. And June? Tell Chad I say hello... I can see his car in the parking lot." The assistant manager's cheeks flushed.

"Oh. O-of course. See you tomorrow... Please try to relax a little. I don't wanna end up having to run this place all by myself if you overwork yourself to death..."

"No promises, but I'll try. Now get yourself outta here – don't need keep that boyfriend of yours waiting, right? " The young woman told her friend, practically shoving her out the door.

"Okay, okay. I'm going. Bye!"

"Bye." At least one of them had something enjoyable to do with the remainder of the afternoon.

"Miss Chen? A-are you leaving? There's a customer who's been asking for you for the past half an hour…" The waitress who had suddenly appeared by her side informed her. Skylor cursed her luck. It looked like relaxation would have to wait.

"Where?" She asked, exhaling deeply.

"The corner booth over by the window. You can't miss him…" The waitress replied, pointing. Better get this over with, then, she thought, wandering towards the table she'd been directed to. The master of amber took her time, reluctant to engage in another potentially frustrating conversation.

"Hello? Someone said you wanted to see me… is there a problem?" She inquired, drawing closer.

"Oh, there's no problem," The person replied casually, turning so she could see their face, "I just wanted to talk to the prettiest restaurant owner in all of Ninjago City, that all." And then recognition dawned on her.

"Kai?" Skylor gasped in surprise.

"The one and only. Do you have time to talk for bit?" The spiky haired ninja smiled widely.

"Uh... Sure, definitely. It's been awhile... How have you been since the tournament?" She commented, eagerly slipping onto the bench opposite his.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Trying to keep Cole and Jay from killing each other. Making sure Lloyd actually sleeps at night and isn't living entirely off of peach rings. Solving minor problems for civilians. You hear about that bank robbery last week? Yeah, that was us." Kai told her with a shrug. The redhead's eyes widened.

"Wow, really? Sounds like you've been busy, then."

"Yeah. That's why I wasn't able to visit sooner – though I really wanted to... Especially since Master Wu's decided he wants to try his hand at tea making. He's got all of us helping him remodel Garmadon's old monastery so he can use it as a teashop." She wished he had been able to drop by before now, but she'd take what she could get.

"Oh. That's... That's an interesting decision. How is Lloyd taking it?" He looked a touch guilty, probably worried about his honorary brother. She'd gotten the impression that they were an extremely close-knit family. What would it be like to be part of something like that? Skylor wondered.

"It's hard to tell. He says he's just happy to have his team back together again... We're hoping he really is cool with it, but… getting him to talk about his feelings is like pulling teeth sometimes..."

"Yeesh. Sounds about right from what I've seen of him."

"Basically… But enough about me and my crazy family drama, even if I do admit to being a little worried about the kid. How has life been treating you these days?" Kai questioned (after all, he had come to see her, and she clearly needed to de-stress).

"It's been… hectic, to say the least. You wouldn't believe the number of sketchy business agreements my father made while he was still… around… I've been trying to undo most of them, but it takes time… and, well… there are people who are definitely not gung-ho about all the changes I'm making…" Skylor disclosed with a weary sigh. The master of fire reached across the table and clasped her hands.

"That sucks. I'm sure it'll get better soon, though. You have a that crazy way of winning people over with minimal effort. Few can resist your powers of persuasion." Was it just her, or was the room suddenly much hotter than it had been before?

"Thanks, but not everyone feels the way you do… I just hope it blows over soon. These weekend meetings – that's where I was when you got here – they're killing me… I've barely had time to sleep, let alone enjoy the city…"

"Sounds like you need to get away more… D-do you wanna… Go do something with me to get your mind off of everything?" Kai offered. Skylor froze for a second.

"A-are you asking me out? Like on a date?" She found herself saying, immediately cursing herself for being so forward. This… Dynamic between the two of them was difficult to define. They'd grown incredibly close while on her father's island, but then… she just wasn't quite sure where they stood now…

"Er… Maybe…? I-if you want it to be? I mean, we never did get to play tourist, so…? What I'm saying is… I enjoy you and I… I'd love to spend more time together…and… " The spiky haired young man rambled, smiling awkwardly. His cheeks were noticeably rosier than before. Oh. Yes, she would most certainly be interested in doing so.

"Okay, then… I'd love to go on a maybe date with you, Kai. Thanks for asking." She decided, smirking. His face brightened.

"Great! This is great! So… Uh, when are you free?"

"Say the word and I can be ready in five minutes?"

"Really?"

"Sure. Just lemme grab my purse. That should give you plenty of time to figure out what we're doing…" Skylor said, untangling her hands from Kai's and heading for her office. So, her weekend wouldn't be as tedious as she'd been expecting after all.

______________________________________________________________

"You know, it's gonna be a little hard for me to get out of your car with my eyes shut…" The redhead complained a bit later as she felt the vehicle come to a stop. She could hear the sound of Kai's laughter from the driver's seat.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure you don't face plant."

"That's such a comfort, Kai. Really, I feel much better knowing you're there to catch me..." Skylor replied, resisting the urge to peek. He ignored her sass in favor of exiting the car and slipping around to the passenger side.

"Here," The master of fire said, grabbing her hand and helping her step onto the asphalt outside.

"So, you gonna tell me where we are?" She asked, ready to be permitted to open her eyes again.

"Nope. Not yet. I want it to be a surprise." Her companion informed her. Kai gently gripped her elbow to keep her from losing her way. He was certainly taking this seriously given how spur of the moment it had been. It was kind of adorable.

"It's just a little further." Together, they wandered towards the unknown destination.

"I'm trusting you that when I finally get to open my eyes , I won't be standing in the middle of a sewage system or something." Joked Skylor as the master of fire's pace slowed.

"Geez, I'm not that mean… and I'll have you know that Ninjago City's sewers are actually a very interesting place to explore." He started defensively, "Though, on second thought, we'd probably both rather not run into any Serpentine right now, so. Guess I can't really judge too much…"

"I was kidding, dork. But yeah, maybe save that for another time?"

"Well, uh… We're here, so, you can look now." Kai stated awkwardly.

"Whoah. S' bright out here…" The girl blinked furiously. He slung an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, you see, that's what you get for spending all day inside that restaurant of yours dealing with prickly business men. No time to enjoy the sun." She seriously contemplated whipping him in the face with her ponytail, but ultimately chose not to. Looking around, she caught sight of the rather large sign just in front of them.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I've been pretty much blind since we left the restaurant… The Ninjago City Zoo, huh?"

"I-is this okay? It was the first thing I thought of, and-" The master of fire inquired nervously.

"It's totally fine. I've been meaning to come here, anyway. It'll be way more fun when I've got someone to enjoy it with." She assured him with a smile. Kai returned the smile in relief.

"Shall we?" They linked arms and pressed forward, joining the surprisingly short line of people waiting to get in.

Entrance fee paid, the two soon found themselves standing near a large map with arrows pointing to the various attractions and areas within the park.

"So. There's a peacock on the loose. Should I be concerned?" Skylor observed, attention temporarily drawn away from their discussion of which route to take. Kai glanced where she was looking. A very self satisfied bird was currently strutting about, fanning its brilliant feathers for all to see. Several children followed it in fascination. He snapped a picture on his phone to show the others later.

"Nah, it's pretty common for one to be wandering around like that. They're super tame. You're not, like, allergic or anything, right?" She shook her head.

"Nope. It's just… My father tried to keep one as a pet when I was little, and I guess I've never really…"

"Tried?" Her eyes lit up at the question.

"Well, we only had it for a few weeks. It absolutely hated Clouse – I don't know what he did to anger it – but it was always chasing him down the hallways screeching and stuff? Let me tell you, those things may be beautiful to look at, but they make the worst noises imaginable. It was hilarious to watch, though. He'd just be minding his own business, and that stupid bird would come flying at him like he'd murdered its young." The redhead explained, giggling as she remembered the man's plight.

"Seriously? That's priceless?" Kai declared, laughing with her.

"Yeah, and you should've seen how many times he complained about it, too. He was always like, Master, your pet just tried to make me into a pincushion again. Why do you insist on putting up with such a ridiculous creature? Don't you have a button to make it go away? And my father would just go on and on about how glorious its feathers were and how it was worth more than all of Clouse's hair dye collection."

"Wait-Clouse dyed his hair?" Kai wheezed.

"Ooh, now I'm giving away all my dark family secrets. Better watch out, or I'll start spilling the secret recipe for puffy pot stickers or something…" She teased.

"So, what happened to it?"

"Darn thing ended up being released into the wild. Father couldn't bring himself to get rid of it completely, you know, just in case he ended up needing a way to mess with Clouse again… I think it's still on the island somewhere. Used to see it every once in awhile when I went hiking and stuff."

"That has to be one of the coolest stories I've heard in a long time." The master of fire asserted.

"It's… something, alright." Skylor admitted, "Where to first?"

"Have you ever seen a camel?"

As it turned out, while Master Chen's island had contained a variety of exotic creatures, Skylor had in fact, never been near a camel before. So, of course, the spiky haired ninja was more than happy to change that.

"C'mon Skylor, I have a great idea." He informed her, dragging her down the pathway, at breakneck speed, dodging other people as they went.

"Could we maybe slow down a bit?" She panted.

"Sorry, no can do. We don't wanna be late for feeding time. You'll be missing out on a pretty cool opportunity if we do."

"Wait… What?"

They arrived at the exhibit just as the zookeeper began explaining procedures for meal time interaction.

"If you just hold out your hand like this," The zookeeper demonstrated, pressing some treats into their hands. Apparently Skylor was going to be getting up close and personal with the large mammal.

"Nice and steady, Brenda, here, probably won't spit on you."

"Probably." The redhead commented, bemused.

"Yeah, these are her favorite treats."

"What am I even doing right now?" She pondered, turning to Kai.

"Having fun. Duh."

"You won't be saying that if the camel spits on you." Skylor pointed out.

"The chances of that happening are like, super slim. In all the times I've been here before, it's never even come close to being a problem. And besides, I'll still look awesome, even if I do end up with spit in my hair." He insisted cockily.

"Whatever you say, fire boy." She said, finally following the zookeeper's instructions. Hand held out, she watched as the camel approached her. Luckily, Brenda was only interested in daintily consuming the offering of food that was being presented to her, and refrained from salivating on anyone. She nudged the redhead's shoulder playfully when she was finished, looking for more food.

"Sorry," Skylor told the creature, "That's all I got. Go bug Kai. He still has some."

"See? She's just a big softie…" The master of fire stated, letting the camel nibble on the treats he held.

"Yeah, kinda like someone else I know." She replied with an innocent smirk. He raised an eyebrow.

"No clue who that could be..."

"Course' not. Thank you for letting us participate in this. It was surprisingly fun." The girl commented to the zookeeper as they made their departure.

"Okay, you get to choose where we're going this time." Kai stated, linking arms with her.

"You sure you wanna trust me with that? I might make you visit your brethren the porcupines."

" First it was hedgehogs, and now this? Why does everyone always want to compare me to prickly animals?" He groaned in mock irritation, continuing to wander down the trail.

"Well, I mean, you could always restyle your hair?" She suggested.

"Never! I like it the way it is."

"Who am I to stand in your way, then? C'mon, the lions should be just up ahead." They walked in companionable silence, enjoying the nice weather and the distraction from their chaotic lives. Several hours were spent exploring the zoo. Kai showed her all the best places to stand in order to get the perfect view of the animals. Skylor's phone quickly filled with pictures. Good natured teasing was shot back any forth. The sun had begun to set by the time they'd seen everything there was to see. An afternoon well spent, for both of them.

________________________________________________________________"Hey Sky?" Kai called softly, shaking the sleeping redheads shoulder, "Skylor? We're here."

"Wuh?" She asked blearily, running at her eyes. The day's events had clearly wiped her out.

"We're just outside your apartment. You fell asleep pretty much as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot."

"Oh." She was home already?

"Yeah. But that's okay… I mean, we did do an awful lot of walking, and I know you were already tired before we even left Master Chen's, so…" He assured her.

"Hey, Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For today, I mean. It was… It was nice to get away for awhile. With you."

"It was" He agreed, wishing the moment could last longer.

"Let's try not to wait so long between visits next time, okay? I-I missed you…" The girl admitted. Next time?

"I missed you, too… I'll do my best to drop by more often." Promised the master of fire. Skylor shot him a weary grin.

"Well. Good. I, uh… I'll text you?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Goodbye," She said, giving him a side hug. It only lasted for a second, but it was full of warmth.

"Bye. I… I hope things with your restaurant calm down soon…" Kai stated.

"Me too. Good luck with the tea business. Maybe I'll drop by sometime."

"I'd like that." Reluctantly climbing from the vehicle, Skylor gave one last wave before heading inside. Although it would end up being awhile before either of them were ready (or able) to commit to anything official, this day would always be locked in their memories as one of the best moments in the beginnings of their relationship. Their lives would be busy, and filled with danger, but, eventually, they would find their way. Almost as soon as the redhead had left, the master of fire's phone began to vibrate. How on earth did his sister have such perfect timing?

_______________________________________________________________

Nya: So, how was ur DATE with Skylor?!

Kai: #1, it wasn't even anything official. #2, how on earth did u know what I was up to? Stalker.

Nya: It wasn't even that hard to figure out. Ur so hopelessly in love that I couldn't help but notice.

Kai: What? U know that doesn't answer my question – right?

Nya: Fine. Green bean and I checked the tracking device on ur phone.

Nya: We got bored. And there's only ONE reason u'd visit the noodle place. It doesn't take a genius.

Kai: Invasion of privacy, much?

Nya: I call sibling rights.

Kai: Whatever, dorks.

Kai: And for the record, it went great.

Nya: ASDJDHFHSJA! Details?

Kai: Patience, sis. Tell u when I get back.

Nya: Better drive fast then. I'm waiting.

Kai: Kay. I'll make sure to completely ignore every speed limit posting I see.

Nya: Fine. Fair point. Don't get urself arrested. I'm not bailing u out.

Kai: Sure thing. Imma be home soon.

Nya: Love u.

Kai: love u 2.

[svtmatokis]

Maid of Honour

Annyeong and happy Mothers Day to all mommy’s out there! <3 A friend suggested this prompt so here it is. After writing it for a while, I realized that it was going to to end up being more than one part so look out for part 2 in the near future x) 

Prompt: Your best friend’s getting married to Mingyu and she of course asked you to be the maid of honor.  Mingyu’s best man is Wonwoo who has been overseas since high school graduation and is the only one of Mingyu’s friends that hasn’t met you yet. 

Genre: Fluff....we’ll see where it goes in later chapters

Pairing: Wonwoo x You

Words: 2710

You were currently having coffee on your lunch break with your best friend who had just returned from a week long vacation in Paris with her boyfriend, or in this case now, her fiance.

“I cannot believe he proposed!!” you said as you looked at the ring on Hye-mi’s finger.

“I know! It was totally unexpected.” Hye-mi cried but admired the ring on her finger, “But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. He’s amazing!”

You smiled at her as she continued telling you how the proposal went.

You knew her fiance was a good guy. You knew he was a good guy the moment you met him for the first time at the official ‘Best friend meets the boyfriend’ coffee. He solidified his rankings in your book when he came up to you two weeks ago to let you know that he was planning on proposing in Paris and asked for your permission which you obviously gave.

“There’s also one little favour I have to ask of you.” she said as you tilted your head to the side urging her to continue.

“Would you be my maid of honour?” she asked looking at you with big eyes.

You stared at her for a few moments before you got up and walked around the table wrapping your arms around your best friend squealing, which earned odd looks from the restaurant patrons but you both didn’t care. You were going to be her maid of honour!

“Of course!!!” you cried, “It would be my honour.”

Hye-mi clapped happily, “Good cause I wouldn’t have taken no as an answer.” she grinned at you from across the table. “Oooo it’s going to be so much fun!! Mingyu and I are planning a week long getaway on Jeju Island so the wedding party can get to know one another since we’ll be spending so much time together and all.”

“That sounds fun, how many people are you guys going to have standing up with you?” you asked casually stirring your coffee.

“Mingyu’s not sure yet. He said between four to six which is okay with me since you know our friends.” Hye-mi thought for a moment before speaking again, “You know…Mingyu has some single friends who I know are going to be there and I know it’s going to be the first vacation you’ve taken in a while since you got promoted….”

Knowing where she was going with it, you instantly cut her off, “No.”

“Oh come on!!!” she whined, “You literally haven’t dated in forever and I would like to be able to plan your wedding before my second child thank you very much.”

“Second child?” a voice from behind you, “We haven’t even had our first and you’re already talking about our second?”

Both your heads turned to see Kim Mingyu with another man beside him walking towards your table.

“Oh, it’s Mingyu and Wonwoo” Hye-mi said smiling as the two of you stood up but before you could ask who he was, the two were already standing in front of you.

“Congratulations!!” you said giving Mingyu a hug, “You know you’re stuck with her for life now right?” you nudged his arm.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Mingyu shot back with a grin and turned to the man next to him, “Y/N, this is Wonwoo, my best friend from middle school who just came back to Korea from overseas. He’s going to be the best man at the wedding. Wonwoo, this is Y/N, she’s Hye-mi’s best friend from high school.”

“It’s nice to meet you” he said holding out his hand as his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. Where had that come from?

You took his hand and smiled, “You too. Where were you overseas?”

“I went to Harvard after high school and worked in England after that.” he answered, making eye contact with you which made you fight the blush growing on your cheeks.

“Are you free right now Y/N? We were just about to have coffee.” Mingyu asked as Hye-mi nodded her head already agreeing for you.

“Sure, I have the afternoon….” you started as your phone beeped making you check it and curse silently at the message.

JS: EMERGENCY: Deadline got pushed up. Could really use you.

“Everything okay?” Wonwoo asked noting the look you had as you typed on your phone.

Y/N: Nothing you can’t handle on your own?

“Yea...it’s..” you looked down at your phone again and sighed.

JS: DEADLINE GOT PUSHED UP AS IN THE FIRM IN AUSTRALIA WANTS THE PROJECT DONE BY TOMORROW OR THEY’RE PULLING OUT EMERGENCY.  

You gave the three in front of you an apologetic look. “Sorry, I actually have to go. Work emergency.”

“What? No!! Tell Joshua to fix whatever it is instead.” Hye-mi said whining, “You work enough as is and you were supposed to have the afternoon off!”

“One of the deadlines we had in two weeks just got pushed up to tomorrow and as much as it’s fun to see Josh suffer sometimes, it’s not worth the consequences.” you explained grabbing your bag and gave Hye-mi and Mingyu a quick hug.

“Let me know the dates of the Jeju thing so I can let the team know.” you said to the two before waving at Wonwoo. “It was nice meeting you Wonwoo. I’ll see you guys later!”

Hye-mi sighed and looked at Wonwoo with an apologetic look as the group sat down.

“Sorry, she’s kind of a workaholic. She’s been like that since high school.”

Wonwoo chuckled and shook his head, “It’s fine. I know how it is when it comes to work.” he looked at Mingyu, “Joshua? Joshua Hong? Isn’t he a-”

“Team leader at SVT Industries? Yep. Remember when he would talk about his right hand man?” Mingyu asked.

Wonwoo nodded his head.

“You just met her.” Mingyu stated with a smirk.

“Really? She’s the one Joshua would always talk about when it came to the only other person that he could depend on to get the foreign client done in a pinch?” Wonwoo asked as Mingyu and Hye-mi both nodded.

He leaned back in his chair and looked at the direction that you exited through a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “She seems Interesting” he muttered while Mingyu and Hye-mi shared a look.

“What are you thinking Jeon.” Mingyu asked knowing the look on his face.

Wonwoo only looked at him with a smirk before changing the subject, “So what was this Jeju thing she was talking about?”

“Oh!” Hye-mi said, “Mingyu and I want to take the whole wedding party to Jeju for a week long vacation!”

“And Y/N’s going to be there?” Wonwoo asked.

“Well duh!” Hye-mi said, “Y/N’s going to be my maid of honor.” she gave Wonwoo a sly glance, there had to be a reason why he asked. “You know...she’s single.”

“Oh is she now?” Wonwoo asked raising an eyebrow at her. It looked like Hye-mi was trying to set you up which shocked him. How could someone like you be single? He knew he was attracted to you the moment you spoke and on top of that, you were beautiful and if you were the person Joshua couldn’t stop raving about during the phone calls.

He would talk about how he had more free time because of your work ethic and how you were one of the few who actually knew what you were doing which made it seem like you were a hard worker. So it baffled him to know that you were single.

Hye-mi nodded her head, “She’s been like that since high school. Let me know if you need any help” she shot him a wink.

Wonwoo only smiled, at least he knew that your best friend was willing to help out if he couldn’t do it himself.

That night, you and Joshua were at your favorite restaurant after spending the last few hours locked up in your office to finish the project and it was safe to say that it was done and sent to the associate in Australia.

“Cheers, you did it again!” Joshua said as you clinked your wine glasses.

Joshua had been the first person you met when you started with the company about five years ago after university graduation. You both started off as interns and moved your way up to the positions you were in now.

The board had been impressed by yours and Joshua’s work ethic so they had assigned you both as co-team leaders for their foreign department. You and Joshua were both fluent in Korean, English and Japanese and Joshua even had some Spanish under his sleeve while Chinese had been under yours.  But as team leads, you both had to set an example and that’s what you did. You worked hard, took initiative and were completely dedicated to your team.

“I can’t take all the credit, I mean you were there too.” you retorted taking a sip of your wine.

“Yea, but you had the connection with the associate and they didn’t yell at you when you called them to ask why the project had to be pushed up. Honestly, if it wasn’t because they were selling by the end of the week, I wouldn’t have done it.” he shot back before changing the subject, “Did you hear about Mingyu and Hye-mi?”

“That’s right...I forgot you and Mingyu are close friends.” you said and nodded your head, “I was with them earlier when you texted me actually. Hye-mi asked me to be her maid of honor” you grinned.

When you had met Joshua for the first time, you weren’t aware that the Mingyu he would constantly talk about was the same Mingyu that was dating Hye-mi. It wasn’t until you were invited to Mingyu’s birthday party when you ran into Joshua that you put two and two together. You had met a few of Mingyu’s other friends before and would socialize at gatherings and occasionally met up with them at group gatherings. The only person you had never met was Mingyu’s elusive best friend, Jeon Wonwoo.

“I wouldn’t have expected anything else” Joshua grinned, “Mingyu asked me to stand up with him as a groomsmen too.”

“That’s awesome!” You said as the two of you clinked your wine glasses again, “That means you got the text about the Jeju island event right?”

Joshua nodded his head, “I looked at the calendar,  we have a deadline due the morning we fly off but if we bust it out, we can probably catch a flight towards the late afternoon and meet everyone for dinner.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’ll let Hye-mi know.” You responded sending out a text to Hye-mi letting her know yours and Joshua’s game plan though it was like two months out. Best you let her know now then feel her wrath later.

“Joshua?” A deep voice from behind you asked. A deep voice in which you recognized.

Joshua looked up and a large smile appeared on his face

“No way, Jeon Wonwoo as I live and breath.” Joshua said standing up to give Wonwoo a big man hug. “How’s it going my brotha? Sit down, sit down!” He motioned for Wonwoo to sit knowing that you never minded when the two of you ran into one of his friends. It was fairly common since this was a popular area among workers.

Wonwoo had noticed you the moment you and Joshua had walked into the restaurant, grins plastered on both your faces as you had an animated conversation. He was here with a few of his childhood friends that he kept in touch with but were completely separated from the core group but he couldn’t help but instead of listening to them, he kept his eyes on you and Joshua throughout dinner instead.

He watched for any sign that you two were more than what was lead on but he couldn’t find anything. You and Joshua kept the conversation going, occasionally clinking your glasses to whatever you were talking about or laughing at a joke or two. But other than that, there were no signs of flirtation nor any physical contact but obviously one wouldn’t be able to tell off pure observation which was why when his group was wrapping up for the night, he decided to approach the two of you.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude..” Wonwoo said looking at you as you shook your head.

“Not intruding at all.” You said with a smile which made Wonwoo smile and sit down across from you as Joshua poured him wine into a glass he got from the waiter.

”Y/N this is Jeon Wonwoo-“ Joshua started the introductions but was cut off by Wonwoo.

“We’ve actually already met.” He said turning to look at you as you nodded your head in agreement.

“When I met up with Hye-mi for coffee today and we ran into him and Mingyu before you gave me your SOS.” You explained.

“Ohhhh.” Joshua said connecting the dots in his head.

“So what are you two doing here so late?” Wonwoo asked taking a sip of his wine.

You and Joshua shared a smile before he answered.

”We just got off work and decided to celebrate Y/N’s accomplishment.” He said grinning at you as you rolled your eyes.

“Yours too Josh, you were there too” you reminded him.

“Yea, but you did most of the work. I only helped clean it up.” He shot back with a wink before turning to Wonwoo. “She’s my secret weapon. Gets things done regardless of how complicated the client is. Saved me from pulling my hair out so many times.”

You rolled your eyes once more not used to the compliments before kicking Joshua under the table, “And with that, I will let you guys catch up and go first.” You said packing up your bags, “It was nice seeing you again Wonwoo, I guess I’ll see you on Jeju.” You smiled at him with a wave and looked at Joshua, “If you aren’t in the office at 7am Monday, I’m dumping that Paris project on you.”

Joshua laughed as Wonwoo looked at you with amusement. “Yes boss. See you Monday at 7.” He waved at you as you walked out laughing.

Once out the door, Wonwoo looked at Joshua.

“I thought you said your right hand man was a man.”

Joshua grinned, “I never specified the gender. I only used the phrase, right hand man” he shot Wonwoo a smirk, “Interesting girl eh?”

“Yea, seems like it. I don’t see why she isn’t your type.” Wonwoo said, mentally testing to see if Joshua had any sort of feeling towards you. Joshua’s cringe was all the answer he needed.

“Nah. She’s cool and all, but I know way too much about her to ever look at her like that..” Joshua explained, a smile playing at his lips. “How did she know you were going to be at the Jeju island thing?”

“I’m Mingyu’s best man.” Wonwoo said, swirling the wine in his glass. “I overheard her talk about it as she was running out earlier and Mingyu told me more about it afterwards. I heard she was going to be the maid of honor.”

“Ah, thats right. You and Mingyu have been close since middle school right? No doubt he’d ask you to be his best man.Hey-mi and myhave been friends since elementary. (Add something thanks)” Joshua grinned, “So how long are you here for?”

Wonwoo had been abroad since he graduated high school and only came back for short visits once in a while when he had the time. He had been able to establish himself while he was overseas and enjoyed the freedom the trips brought but this time, he was thinking something different.

“I think I’m ready to come home.” He said looking at his wine glass studying the contents of the liquid.

“Any particular reason?” Joshua questioned, his head tilted to the side in curiosity. 

A smirk played on Wonwoo’s lips as he took a long drink of wine before he answered.

“May have found my reason to”

Part 1 

[bravevulnerability]

A fic prompt: Beckett gets to know Castle while he's married with Gina. (I always really liked her and imagined how their relationship would turn out if that was the case. Castle and Gina would have a pretty good relationship, with Castle getting kinda conflicted if that makes sense?)

She drops the manuscript on his desk with a loud slap. It has his fingers startling over the keys of his laptop, his attention snapping out of the story and up to his publisher. 

“I see the writer’s block has passed,” Gina states, something that would usually thrill her, but she looks far from happy about the progress. Instead, she nods to the pile. “Here’s my notes.”

Rick’s brow furrows as he glances to the papers, what he now assumes must be the printed pages of the chapters he just finished. He turned them into her two nights ago, feeling so accomplished for beating his deadline. 

“I thought you preferred emailing them back to me,” he murmurs, the confusion spreading. Why does she look so mad at him?

“I thought this batch deserved handwritten care,” Gina sneers and Rick closes his laptop.

“Gina, what’s going on? I thought you’d be happy that I’m ahead of schedule for once,” he points out, feeling her irritation growing, seeping through his senses. “Do you not like the direction it took? Or was there something else that I didn’t-”

“Why don’t you look at my critiques,” she cuts him off, her eyes darting insistently down at the pages. 

Rick huffs and grabs the papers, begins flipping through them, his fingers slowing as his eyes register over the words. Not hers. No, there’s not a single red-penned mark on the crisp, white sheets.

These words are all his.

“Where did you get this?” he whispers, his grip tightening, wrinkling the pages. “Did you go through my laptop?”

“Yes, I did,” Gina confirms without hesitation or shame. “I knew you’d never cheat on me, not after that first wife of yours. But you and that cop…”

“We are just friends,” he growls, returning the papers face down to his desk. 

“You do not write about a friend like that,” Gina hisses, digging her manicured, pink nail into the back of a page. “God, Richard, it’s so obvious. This character, this Nikki Heat, is her and you write about her like she’s the eighth wonder of the world.”

His jaw tightens, but he can’t exactly deny that now, can he? Especially when Gina knows his writing better than anyone else. 

“Are you in love with her?” she asks, the question leaving her lips like it’s nothing, like it’s the most ordinary question in the world.

Did you do the dishes? Have you finished the chapter yet? Are you in love with the cop you’ve been shadowing for six months?

The cop with the dead mother and the elusive smile that’s been making fleeting but frequent appearances for him. The rookie who is so hardened by grief but has slowly began to soften through late night talks over decaf coffee and lunch dates at Remy’s, a handful of dinners with his daughter. The woman who enraptured him with her gorgeous eyes the moment they met while she was working a stint in Vice.

He was doomed from that very second, wasn’t he?

But Kate has always known that he’s married and he never let himself forget. As Gina herself pointed out, he’s been cheated on before and he would never show anyone else the same betrayal. Gina is a good wife, a good publisher, a good surrogate mother to Alexis whenever he stopped trying to keep his daughter all too himself. It’s something he’s trying hard to work on, a flaw within himself that Gina continues to point out, that he’s doing his best to fix. Always working on something for her.

Relationships are work, he’s always known that and he’s always been willing to put in whatever effort necessary. But shouldn’t some parts be effortless? Wasn’t loving someone also supposed to be easy too? He’s never been able to feel that in his last three and a half years with Gina. And god, he’s tried, has been trying for so long, but it’s as if they’re a puzzle with a piece missing. 

So why is it so easy to feel it with Kate Beckett?

“Richard,” she prompts, crossing her arms with impatience. 

“I - I don’t know,” he confesses, even though he does. He didn’t mean to, tried so very hard not to, but his heart leapt into Kate’s hands months ago, willed her to hold onto it. 

Even though she doesn’t want it, or just won’t admit to wanting it. Her eyes flicker to his wedding band every time he thinks she starts to let herself. 

“It was an accident. We’re just friends, never been more. Not even close,” he swears, not that it helps. Doesn’t change the fact that he has feelings for someone other than the woman he’s married to.  

He meets Gina’s cold glare, but he can read her well enough to see that she does believe that. And, apparently, she found nothing on his computer that caused her to think otherwise. Nothing, except thousands of words about a smart, savvy detective whom he seems to describe with an affection that’s all too telling. 

“But it’s over now anyway. She doesn’t want me shadowing her anymore.”

Gina’s brow arches. “Why?”

Because, apparently, everyone figures out how he feels before he himself is even clear on it, he wants to say. But also-

“There was a case last week with a suspect who pulled a gun and - and it just got too risky,” he recalls, remembering the horror on her face as she stared up at him from the ground, scanning his body for the bullet he almost took for her. “Scared her.”

It was more than a risky gunfight, though. It was the hours that followed. It was standing in an alley just outside the crime scene with her eyes too bright and a rasp lacing through her words. 

“There’s something I need you to do.”

He took a step closer to her, ready for whatever she asked of him. “Name it.”

“I need you to go home,” she murmured, shoving her hands into her pockets and lowering he gaze to the dirty concrete. “And stay home.”

“Forget it,” he answered without hesitation. “Beckett, I’m fine. We’re both fine, the bullet-”

“Was too close,” she finished for him, her eyes rising to meet his with a hard glare. “Castle, you’re - you matter to me.” His heart skipped. He went from an annoying tagalong to mattering and he hated how much it mattered to him, how much she mattered. “Which is why I can’t keep letting you put yourself in danger. You’ve already done enough research for a hundred books-”

“It’s not about the books,” he argued, watching the elegant line of her throat work through a swallow that disappeared beneath that damn NYPD turtleneck that he too often pictured nudging out of the way with his nose, devouring the skin beneath with his mouth. “Not anymore.”

“Then why do you keep coming back, Rick?” She knew exactly what she was asking, knew the consequences of an honest answer. But he still lifted a tentative hand to her cheek, stroked his thumb to the slash of her cheekbone, surprised that she let him. It was his first time touching her like this; it was the last. 

“You know why.”

Kate’s eyes fluttered shut and she curled her fingers around the wrist at her jaw. He held his breath as she rested her cheek in the embrace of his palm before squeezing his wrist and stepping away from him, her eyes already mourning.

“Goodbye, Castle.”

He hasn’t seen her since and he hasn’t been so miserable in a long time. 

“Explains the constant moping,” Gina mumbles, brushing back a stray strand of hair with a flick of her wrist, trying so hard to be indifferent. To hide how much he’s probably hurt her. 

“Gina,” he sighs, pushing back from his desk to stand. “Regardless of it all, I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. As soon as I felt… compromised, I should have stopped going to the precinct, I should have-”

“Are you in love with me?”

His heart stumbles at the question, sinks. 

“I - of course I love you,” he murmurs, but his wife shakes her head. 

“They’re two different things, Richard.” Her eyes fall to his desk. “But you already know that.”

His mouth feels dry, tongue too thick in his mouth.

“I know you love me,” she continues, chest rising and falling with a deep breath, steeling herself. “But we never quite fit, did we?”

He notices her shift into past tense, knows it’s purposeful.

“I - we could try counseling,” he suggests, even as the rock in his stomach weighs heavier at the idea.

“I’d rather we quit trying to fool ourselves. Our marriage has been nice, convenient, but we both know it’s been over. Even before your precious Nikki Heat came into the picture,” she mutters, but he lets her have it, lets her hit him with the strike of bitterness. He deserves it. “I’m going to stay with my sister. We can talk to Alexis about all of this a little later. Together. You owe me that much,” she adds with a narrowed look before casting it back down to the papers on his desk. “In the meantime, be sure to sift through those pages.”

We’ll talk to Alexis together. 

Shit, he’s not ready to tell his daughter, to let her down again.

Castle opens his mouth to respond, but Gina is already turning her back on him, striding out of the room with her head held too high. He watches her go, heart in his throat and guilt drenching his insides. 

Rick glances down to the stack of pages, lifting them once more to scan through the pile of black and white sheets until he reaches the end, the slim addition of papers that have a different feel to them, can’t be his writing. No, he withdraws the files, these definitely aren’t pages from his laptop’s word documents. 

They’re divorce papers. 

[allaboutwannaone-blog]

how i fell in love

character: sungwoon genre: slight angst, fluff word count: 1.6k author’s note: i feel like this really sucked but i have no idea how to rectify it and that sucks even more?? :((( btw I'm thinking of making this into a series with wanna one,,,, do y'all want to see it happen?! :0)

• to-do list:

• one. grab sooin’s files from professor yoon

• two. get two chai lattes for david tomorrow on the way to school

• three. send sungjae the chemistry class notes

• four. finish haejung’s part up for the literature task (deadline is tomorrow!!!!!!!)

• sighing in accomplishment, you scratched yet another task off the list. you’ve finally finished seven of them; you’ve helped chris order a table off etsy, printed out lena’s notes, tuned your guitar to lend it to jisook tomorrow afternoon and more.

• if anyone were to step in to your room at this point of time, they would slowly back out, utter a small prayer, and close the door quietly. post-it notes were strewn all over the place, your bed was even messier than how mama 2017 went down.

• the last time your mom called you for dinner was ages ago, and the pink-and-orange-streaked sky had now been replaced with a sea of a black and sparkling stars.

• this was a regular thursday night for you,,, despite having finished your work already in school, you were still huddled at your desk, busying yourself with the errands your classmates had entrusted you with

• even though that meant that you rarely had free nights, you just couldn’t seem to say no to them. besides, the grateful looks on their faces every time you helped them out (and occasional treats) would just make your day. (be gone, cheese!)

• but sometimes,, just like how it was today, it would do nothing but to suck the life out of you, and you could not help but to blame yourself for having such a submissive personality. you really wanted a break but you still had many assignments left and you were on,, the,, verge,, of,, death

• just then, your phone buzzed.

• sungwound: yo can i come over

• sungwound: why aren’t u replying me

• sungwound: i mean pft i won’t even need to get ur permission because ur parents love me but

• sungwound: i’m starting to think that u’ve been kidnapped

• sungwound: I’M GETTING WORRIED??1?!?!??!??

• sungwound: i’m wounded that u aren’t looking at my texts

• sungwound: k nvm i’m coming over in five mins, make sure u don’t die

• BUT because you were too engrossed in rearranging your notes for sungjae, you missed those texts and left your worried best friend, sungwoon to fend for himself///1/‘’1/

• and that was why when your door was flung open,, you were just like “m OM i’ll go down and eat a snack later iM fI NE!!!!”

• sungwoon, in a fighting stance: “i swear to god if you do not get your hands off that laptop in two seconds you might have to catch some hands”

• you turned around and jumped, hit your head on your ceiling, left a hole there and shot to the outer space

• jk but that literally was how shocked you were to see him

• but wo w sungwoon with fluffy pyjamas and and tousled hair?? an aesthetic concept that u’re totally digging 

• you also noticed that he had carried a duffel bag with him too

• you, squealing: “YOU’RE SLEEPING OVER?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?”

• him, in an equally high-pitched tone: “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!”

• he launched himself into your arms,, squealing gibberish and laughing (like how he did when jisung handed him his fairy wand in wanna one go)

• (0_0) (0o0) \(0o0)/ 1!!1!1!1!1!!1!1!1! <- your heart/mind at that moment

• after holding on to his soft body for a whole five minutes you pushed him off, telling him apologetically to give you twenty minutes to finish up your work.

• all while chanting *nope i do not like him, i’m a nun, i shall devote my life to my boy bands, i do not have an attachment to this amazingly beautiful boy* in your mind

• sungwoon, holding his hand to his heart and sprawled on the ground: *gasps in korean* *rolls up sleeves* look y/n, i’ve climbed hills and swam seas to finally reach your house,, and you’re telling me to mIN D MY OWN BUS INES S FO R 20 MINU TES!!!??!?!!? REALLY??!?!?! IN FRONT OF MY SALAD????

• you, focusing on your computer screen: firstly,, you live just a block away and secondly,, there ain’t no salad here hAh so CASE CLOSED

• and then it went surprisingly quiet for ten minutes,, and your sungwoon-o-meter told you that this was dangerous but hell nah your focus was just as strong as park seojoon’s in she was pretty btw great drama

• first attempt: just as you predicted, a few moments later, you found a small gummy bear right below your nostrils. “c’mere c’mere” he chanted, tickling your chin and trying to bribe you out of your sitting position.

• second attempt: “look (look) at (at) me (me)” tried to whip out his echoing talent but nuh-uh.

• third attempt: “i’M tELLiNg yOuR pAreNTS”

• finally giving up, he pulled up a chair next to you, quietly sifting through the contents on your table.

• just then, he noticed something.

• snatching the to-do list from your clutch, he read through it, the look on his face hardening.

• “what the hell is this?” he gritted his teeth, fixating his intense gaze on you. shocked and frightened at his sudden change in mood, you stumbled over your words. “e-erands f-for my f-friends?”

• he scoffed, “your friends? you call them your friends? they’re using you, for god’s sake.” he scanned through the list again, shaking his head and turning to you. “why can’t you see it? they are using you.”

• “n-no, they said they were busy.” you felt the need to stand up for your friends, especially since they looked like they’ve got so much on their plate when they pleaded with you, puppy-eyed look on their countenance.

• he closed his eyes, as though trying to steady his furious, short breaths. “believe me, i can guarantee you that all of them, who have given you these tasks, are either at a party, drinking, sleeping or watching netflix right now. in fact, haejung just posted a picture of her with her boyfriend half an hour ago.”

• whipping out his cell phone, he scrolled to her profile, confirming what he just said.

• “but-“

• “look, y/n. you have to understand this. you can’t keep helping people like that.” he reached for your shoulders, gaze boring into yours.

• “think of it this way. if everyone in the world only has one last glass of water to drink from, people who can’t take the thirst anymore will start sipping from their glass. and once they’ve downed the entire thing, if they are greedy, they’re going to ask others or more water. and people like you,” he pointed at you, his tone exasperated and furious.

• “people like you, who puts others before yourself, will give their water to them. i get that you’re magnanimous and will hate to see anyone feel down, but before you know it, your drink will be empty. you will be the one suffering, whilst they enjoy the water you’ve given them.”

• “i’m blessed to have such a kind-hearted person by my side but, i hate it that you’re so naive. why can’t haejung finish up her own part for the project? i know for one it’s because she knows that you’ll do it for her and not complain about it afterwards! didn’t you see sungjae watching anime during lessons just now? he should face the consequences of his own actions! and lena is just lazy to walk over to the library to print her stuff out. why are you wasting the ink for a thirty-page document for her when she can’t even be bothered to waste her time and get it done herself?” he rubbed his temples, pacing up and down the room.

• “you’re the smartest person i’ve ever seen, but you’re an idiot too. and you know what’s the worst kind of idiots in the world? kind idiots. because people will trample all over you and make you do their work. and i hate that you’re just that.”

• huffing, he walked to the end of the room, sliding open the balcony door and slamming it, going outside to clear his mind.

• and at this moment, while others would expect you to be mad at the seemingly offensive words he had spouted our, you found yourself feeling nothing of that sort.

• first came the intimidation. this was the first time he had shouted at you like that, and you were shocked at how mad he was. the five hours you’ve been friends with him, he had only bickered with you, getting frustrated sometimes. but never like this.

• then came the realization. that you were in fact, just a puppet made for people to drag and pushed around. that people you thought you knew and liked were now anything but what you thought of them. and that you should probably get yourself away from them as soon as possible, though it might just be the hardest thing ever.

• then came the great epiphany that

• holy feck,, you liked him. you liked sungwoon and tonight’s incident just confirmed and in fact, caused you to fall for him even more. this was the first time someone ever cared for you like that, and it was...strange.

• but nice.

• and warm.

• and comfortable.

• and makes your heart beat-box and do dub-step.

• snapping out of your daze, you placed your hand on your chest in a bid to calm your erratically beating heart down.

• just then, sungwoon came in. he shuffled towards you sheepishly, rubbing the nape of his neck and looking anywhere but you.

• “u-uhm, i’m sorry for shouting at you just now, you wanna put some face packs? i brought some from innisfree over. we can use those and w-watch a movie?”

• you, observing his handsome features that now seem to be more prominent to you: ......

• “i’ll teach you my skincare routine???”

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

Found ch. 6

Summary:  Jack Kelly is a 17 year old kid who has been in the foster system for more of his life than not. By now he's given up on finding his forever family and is counting down the days until he turns 18. Four months before the deadline, Miss Medda Larkin decides she is going to adopt him.

Chapter summary:  Davey and Jack have a disagreement in gym class. Jack needs some space, and Race comes in clutch.

AO3 link

“Where’s your gym clothes, Kelly?” the gym teacher asked. It was Tuesday, third period. P.E. day. The students were lined up in alphabetical order on the line on the basketball court. And, of course, David was in his gym class, and Jacobs and Kelly were only so far from one another in the alphabet. Which meant David was next to Jack. Again.

“Forgot ‘em,” he said, shrugging. Fat chance he was going to take his hoodie off in front of anyone, now or ever. But especially not for fucking gym class of all things.

“We got extra ones, y’know,” the teacher replied.

“I’ll pass, thanks.”

“You don’t change, you don’t participate. You don’t participate, you get a zero for the day. That happens three times and you got detention. You sure this is how you want to play this out?”

“Ooh, I’m quakin’. Ya see me? Terrified. It’s the end of the world if I wear jeans in a gym. But I guess it’s a risk I’m just gonna hafta take,” said Jack, rolling his eyes.

The teacher looked at him, then scribbled something down on his clipboard before continuing down the line.

“Why wouldn’t you change?” whispered David, who had never taken a zero in his life and could not fathom someone choosing to, especially for something which seemed so silly to him.

Jack gave him a laugh. “What can I say, Davey? I’m a rebel widda cause. Fuck the system, an’ all that.”

David shook his head. He could never. He didn’t like gym, either, but half the grade was just showing up and the other half was doing what you were supposed to. They stood in silence for a second, before he replied. “I could bring you gym clothes, if you needed.”

Jack looked at him. “Why would I need that?”

David shifted uncomfortably and looked at the ground. “It’s just, if you don’t have gym clothes, or don’t wanna carry ‘em around, or whatever reason. I could bring you some. I don’t mind.” He didn’t mean to be rude, but Jack clearly needed to go clothes shopping. David knew Medda was fairly well-off, so he didn’t really understand why Jack dressed the way he did. But he wore the same old hoodie every day, and it was in bad shape.

“Thanks, Davey, I ‘preciate it. But I don’t need that. I jus’ ain’t gonna change into some stupid clothes for some stupid class when no matta what happens, I’m outta here in a few months.”

“You don’t think you’ll finish the school year?” asked David.

“Nah, prolly not. It ain’t my thing.”

“What about Race? And Crutchie, and Medda?”

Jack sighed, a bit aggravated at the way this conversation was going. “They’s fine, I jus’ ain’t wanna start pretendin’ this is permanent or nothin’. ‘Sides, I ain’t smart enough to graduate, so why waste my time here any more than I hafta? Nah, the minute I turn eighteen, I’m hittin’ the road.”

“I think you’re plenty smart,” he said softly. “And I wish you’d give yourself more of a chance.”

“Yeah? Well, I wish you'd mind ya business and not worry ‘bout problems that ain’t yours to worry ‘bout. ‘Specially when ya don’t even know the first thing ‘bout me. Who the hell d’you think you are?” Jack snapped. He liked David just fine, but he was clearly crossing a line here.

David looked at the ground. “I just think… things could be better for you. If you only tried a little bit. But it’s like you don’t want them to be, so you can prove some bullshit point to yourself about how the world is so awful, or whatever.”

Jack was absolutely flabbergasted. Here was this kid who didn’t know him at all, calling him out in ways that no one else had ever dared to before. No one had ever cared enough to. And he was angry, because he knew he was right, but it was none of his business! And it started from some stupid argument about gym clothes, of all things.

Jack scoffed. “Whateva. I’m outta here,” he muttered as he walked right out of the gym, consequences be damned. He was no stranger to trouble, and could not stand to be next to Davey for one more goddamn second.

_______________________________________________________

Fourth period was chemistry, which Jack and Race shared, along with Spot Conlon and Katherine. Today, the teacher was assigning lab partners for the semester. She read down from a list that she had already made, then the students went to sit with their new partners. Jack wasn’t in class, but he ended up being partnered with Spot. Race maintained a neutral face, acting as though he didn’t care at all, but of course he cared. He also wondered where Jack was. Then he got a text asking him to meet in the boy’s bathroom by the gym.

Race stood up immediately. “Umm… Miss, I hafta use the restroom,” he said.

She rolled her eyes, annoyed at his verbal disruption of the lecture. “Take the pass,” she said, gesturing to the pass hanging from a lanyard by the door before she continued.

Race gave a little awkward bow before grabbing the pass hanging on the door and went to find Jack in the bathroom.

“What’s up, Jackie?” he asked.

“Can I bum a smoke?”

Race was surprised. Jack didn’t seem the type. But he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his backpack and handed him one. What were brothers for? “Here,” he said, tossing him his lighter. “Did somethin’ happen?”

Jack ignored him at first, focused on lighting the cigarette in his mouth. He took a very long drag, then exhaled slowly, his eyes closed as he leaned up against the wall. “Jus’ nosey people askin’ stupid questions.”

“Like who? Like what?” asked Race, trying to ignore the irony in his response.

Jack opened one eye and gave him a look, indicating that the irony was not lost on him either. Then, after a pause, he closed his eye again and sighed. “Dat friend o’yours, Davey? He jus’ don’t have a clue when it’s time ta drop somethin’. Ain’t no respect fuh boundaries, dat kid.” He took another drag of the cigarette, then coughed a little. He wasn't much of a smoker.

Race understood. While David was a good friend, he really could be overbearing. Which was part of why Race was now so good at putting up a front- he had to be a fast learner, once David decided he was going to be his friend. “I’s sorry, Jack. Ya know he means well. S’just he ain’t neva had ta sleep nowhere but a real house wid two whole folks tuckin’ him in at night. Sometimes he jus’ don’t understand what we been through, cuz he ain’t neva had nothin’ ya can’t ask questions ‘bout.”

Jack nodded. It made sense. But he still just… pushed his buttons, somehow.

“If ya don’t mind my askin’... and ‘course ya can say no, too, but… what was it exactly that gottim so curious?”

“Oh, just stuff ‘bout my work ethic, my potential, how I oughta stay here an’ keep doin’ this school bullshit even afta I turn eighteen. Dat sorta stuff, completely outta nowhere,” said Jack. “Totally outta line, too,” he added, taking another drag of the cigarette.

Hearing this made Race’s heart sink a bit. “Ya don’t… ya don’t think ya gonna stick around, then, huh?” He couldn’t say he was surprised, but he was sad. He really bonded with Jack, and didn’t understand why Jack would choose to leave when there was a door open for him to a place where he was welcomed as family.

Jack looked up at him and saw the slightest change in Race’s expression. It was exactly like yesterday, when they were talking at the bench- something just beneath the surface had shifted. Like suddenly his neutral face was a lie he had to maintain. “It ain’t nothin’ personal, Race. I’s just… not a family guy.”

“I hear ya, Jack.” Race looked at the ground, his expression completely blank. “I gotta get back ta class.” He began to make his way out of the bathroom.

“Racer,” Jack said behind him. He turned and looked at him, wondering what he could have to say. Jack tossed him his lighter. “Thanks for da smoke.”

Race gave a small smile and a half-shrug as he pocketed the lighter, not looking at Jack. “What else is bruddas for?” He turned and walked most of the way out of the bathroom, before stopping in his tracks at the door for just a moment. Without turning around, he said, “Family is for everyone. Ain’t no one too good for it, and ain’t no one don’t deserve it. Like it or not, ya already got one, and it’s up ta youz what ya gonna do widdit.” And with that, he continued walking out the door.

Jack paused for a second, then took another drag of the cigarette that Race had given him. This was exactly the kind of bullshit that made him not want a family. He hated feeling responsible for anyone else. It was always hard on him, especially in houses with kids younger than him. He always ended up being some kind of big-brotherly figure to them, and then he worried about them like crazy when they were inevitably separated. And he always ended up alone. Every time. He was tired of it.

And then, he wasn’t alone. He heard footsteps down the hall, and tried to put out his cigarette as quick as he could. As he was tapping it on the sink trying to extinguish it, the guidance counselor, Snyder, walked in. Jack froze as they made eye contact. His eyes went from Jack, to the cigarette in his hand, and back up to Jack.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 42 - EDM - Thirsty Thursday

3-2 OT Win

When I was an undergraduate in college there was this special night of the week called Thirsty Thursday. A lot of my classmates created their schedules, so they had no classes on Fridays creating a prolonged weekend for all the activities Animal House taught you college students do. Thirsty Thursday was the beginning of that debauchery. Specifically the mid to late evening as the party people dressed to the nines emerged from their dorms, already tipsy, and climbed into Ubers, Lyfts and Cabs to go to the skankiest clubs and try to cross the border into Canada. Niagara Falls is pretty lit on the other side in case you weren’t aware. The Buffalo Sabres had themselves a bit of a Thirsty Thursday yesterday. This time however I’m excited for the consequences. I drew attention to GM Jason Botterill’s planned 5:30 radio appearance before the game against Edmonton so that when it was called off it seemed cowardly. Not that my lone tweet riled up an angry mob like the gif I used implied, but the timing seemed… well very bad. Dalton Smith was put on waivers the day before after an embarrassing affair on New Year’s Eve against Tampa and it all seemed for nothing: as if our GM had no clue what he was doing and now he was hiding from facing the fans. In reality perfect setups like that never happen. When WGR550 was told Botterill couldn’t make his regular radio hit the negativity around the team right now would naturally make you think of that dodging the press theory. Us wild and crazy optimists hoped against hope he was busy working on… dare I say… a trade!? The whispers came in as game time approached and Thirsty Thursday kicked off with a three-way (Normally something reserved for the end of the night if you know I mean). At about 6:40 pm the team announced a 2020 fourth round pick had been acquired from the Montreal Canadiens for Marco Scandella. The next part unfolded when the team announced at about 6:50 pm that the same 2020 fourth that was yielded from the Scandella trade was going to the Calgary Flames for RW Michael Frolik. No salary retained or conditions, it was essentially Marco Scandella for Michael Frolik.

Set aside all your newfound appreciations for Scandella, even his revitalization was to inflate his trade value. Not to be harsh but he won’t be missed; especially when Jeremy White’s Super-Secret Sabres Source (SSSS) then tells him they’re not done, and they want to bring Lawrence Pilut up from Rochester. This humble blogger says good and good. Scandella for Frolik constitutes a wash in terms of salary if not a little bit more taken on by Buffalo. However, if it gets Pilut back up to Buffalo and or Colin Miller out of buying tickets out of town then it’s a win in my book. In spite of how few trades we saw in the last five months of 2019 it does make a lot of sense that this is the prelude to bigger trades. One can only hope. I hope this analysis of it is outdated by the time I post it. Although we all thought the Jokiharju trade was the prelude to a bigger trade that never came so it could go both ways I suppose. All this figuring out distracted me from the actual game unfolding. I looked up and suddenly the Sabres were down 2-0 to the Oilers at home and certainly a blood bath was to ensue if another egg was laid in downtown Buffalo. Then as soon as I had that thought Thirsty Thursday ticked up again, but this time with some good clean action: Marcus Johansson disposed an Oiler along the wall in the offensive zone and went around behind the net. Johansson got it to Curtis Lazar who tapped it in past Mike Smith in net. It was now 2-1 and Jason Botterill had that much more cover to come out and face the press in the first intermission like we hadn’t gotten three hours earlier while trades were unfolding.

Jason Botterill spoke for about seven minutes saying a lot of things you might expect: Michael Frolik will bring even strength scoring, he’s won a Stanley Cup, has playoff experience and what not. Perhaps the most important things Botterill said is the special teams have to be better. He said that Frolik could help on the penalty kill and could be a bit of a rover on the wing. Botterill spoke to greater roster competition as something of a rationale for seeing as many players publicly want out. Assuming this isn’t the only move to be made its just refreshing to hear that the GM does understand what’s going on. The Dalton Smith Fiasco will probably be pushed under the rug 1984 style and that’s probably the only way to handle it at this point but pushing forward the point that there is in fact a plan here will allow some optimism, however scant, back into the fanbase. Once again, assuming there are more moves coming this move helps. The move itself is more or less whatever. If you get what Frolik was in years past then maybe he’s not just another piece to be traded at the deadline. Getting Frolik was one of those rumors from months ago and evidently the conditions on this Thirty Thursday were just right to make it happen. Conditions were not just right in the second period and apart from a slash on Jack Eichel and the Sabres taking over the lead in shots on goal, nothing really happened. Then it creeps into your head, like I hear it does for the party people at some point in the early morning hours on Thirsty Thursday, that all this momentary excitement could just melt away with nothing truly rewarding coming from it unless… unless you kiss that hot little number down the bar. It was unlikely another trade would happen as the clock ticked past 9pm last night but the clap-back Sabres awoke again. As an early offensive push unfolded in the third period for the home team they began cycling the puck around in the Oilers’ zone. Zach Bogosian took a shot that Sam Reinhart redirected in for the 2-2 equalizer and… well what do you know: Reinhart’s 100th NHL goal. For a moment try not to think about the impending second coming of the Reinhart contract drama and just savor what Samson does and who Samson is. But just like most things with this team, darkness follows close behind and Victor Olofsson was escorted out of the game after a weird fall all on his own just after he got the secondary assist on the equalizer. No new word on that today either mind you, just Scott Wilson getting called up because you can’t let us get too high, right?

The third period went on and the Sabres threw everything and the kitchen sink Zemgus Girgensons at Mike Smith. Nothing went through and we found ourselves in overtime. To Ralph Krueger’s credit most of the Sabres overtime periods have been tight possession affairs like they should be, even when they’re losing efforts. The same happened last night until an absolutely bonkers ten seconds about a minute into the extra frame. Jack Eichel went end to end, like from behind the Linus Ullmark net all the way to Mike Smith’s mouthguard on the other end. Along the way he drew a penalty when Oscar Klefbom hooked him on his final approach. That was good for a penalty shot but before the play was even over Jack almost scored on the rebound. This Thirsty Thursday was about to see it’s last act. That hot little number down the bar I mentioned earlier, that was Jack mother fucking Eichel, and we kissed his greatness to cap off the night. He took the puck, skated in and snapped it far side past Mike Smith, 3-2 Sabres in Overtime! And so the inebriated masses stumbled out of their rides in the wee hours of the morning; still concerned about their future but sated for just a time until the next party comes. Hopefully more parties to come then sadness they hope.

Like, Comment and Share this blog now because some of you will not like what I say next. The game on Saturday was moved to 1pm in the afternoon because the Buffalo Sabres organization shares an owner with the Buffalo Bills and is therefore allowed to be self-aware. You probably already knew that. To those of you whom pointed to that move as a sign of the Pegulas caring more about the Bills I’d just ask you to take a deep breath, maybe play your favorite video game and relax. There is good evidence that theory is true, but the Buffalo Bills also happen to be in the playoffs for only the second time in twenty years. Forgive the whole City around you if they want to focus on that team when they come on at 4:35 tomorrow! I know its 90s night… or afternoon now tomorrow, but please, let good things be good. Enjoy yourself a little bit. The Florida Panthers will be a challenge and then they’ll be off for four days, hopefully while Botterill is making more trades and Michael Frolik is getting his Visa figured out so he can actually come and play. Then its six games leading into the bye week of varying difficulty but mostly difficult. I would guess even if the Sabres miraculously won eight straight going into that break they still might only crack the top three in the Atlantic Division given the spaces between games. Nonetheless the tide of this dissent into another lost season we’ve been experiencing since before Christmas can be reversed this month. It will likely take more work on the part of the GM even though the deadline is still several weeks away. Yesterday’s Thirsty Thursday events were not enough for me to fully get back in the conductor’s chair of the hype train but whether it be for hoped for trades or just the first Buffalo Bills Playoff win since I was in diapers I can enthusiastically say right now: Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. According to NHL PR that OT Penalty shot goal by Jack Eichel made him the first player in Buffalo Sabres history to do such a thing. That is some kind of surprising stat.