#i read the first book like. years ago actually and vaguely recognized these characters but wasnt sure how until i went oh. wow.

[re-alku]

You know if youre looking for more gays with long hair to draw I have just the book series for you

wow i sure wonder what that series could b SDFGDSFHG HDSFGB HDSFGB HDSF

[elvenbeard]

thanks for the tag for the WIP game!! man i wanna know about vince as much as the next guy but i also wanna hear more about your fantasy novel! what's it about or could you give your favorite paragraph, (even out of context would be fun to read!)

OOOHHHHH Thanks so much for asking!!! :DDD

Okay okay okay, where do I start... I haven't rambled about this in a while, but this story has like, not let go of me for over ten years now xD I had the first idea in 2012 just after I finished school and before I went to uni, and ever since it's gone through many changes and iterations and grown and developed.

Basically, it's set on this ancient continent that is deeply divided. On the one side you have one nation (vaguely fantasy humans) that came there as settlers, their leader really not a good guy at all. That was around 500 years ago, a long-ass time even for fantasy humans that live longer than we do, and the current generations are slowly beginning to make amends and try to make up on their ancestors' mistakes.

On the other side you have the natives of the land, amongst each other also divided into subgroups (vaguely fantasy elves and such), and they live super long. A lot of them were there when that original invasion happened, remember fighting in all the wars the humans brought them, and they're rightfully distrustful in the humans' intentions of wanting to make amends.

There is two rulers, the official king (human) who is in charge of the nation with his council and controls the larger portion of the land. On an island separate from the mainland is the other leader, not really a king but something a little more of a spiritual (although not religious - it's complicated) leader, who has no true political power but a very high standing and a lot of respect (usually at least... but his situation is special, too, and getting into details would really explode this post XD).

Then there's technically also a whole third nation who also is at home on that same continent, but they grew into their own people independently alongside for worldbuilding and lore reasons and have little contact to the two factions mentioned above - at least until the human king married one of their leader's daughters (and now it's getting really complicated).

So much to the political climate and general state of the world xD I intended it to be all very full of tension and side-eyeing each other, where you never really know whose intentions you can trust, and a lot of people really fear another war for definitive power over the land coming. But man, it's gonna be so much worse :D

As for the actual story, in the first book of the series (yes, this has gotten too complex by now to put it into one book XD) everything is told mostly through the eyes of two characters and their immediate friend groups/families on either side of the main conflict. On one side is Adoven, who is the son of the native spiritual-type leader, and he is basically an angsty teenager who cannot find his place in the world and goes against everything anyone with good intentions tries to tell him. He ends up becoming involved with a group of revolutionaries that want to incite a rebellion against the human king - or so he thinks at least. On the other side is Ricnan, who is a scholar and alchemy teacher at a prestigious school that actually is very inclusive and non-political in its policies. Everyone from all backgrounds is welcome. Ricnan himself is part of a native minority, but he has no problems with the human king (but he also recognizes that he is in a position of privilige compared to many others). All is well and he's leading a very calm and nice life until one day he saves a frightened young woman from some guards and realizes she has immense magical powers - and then, much to the dismay of his parter initially, brings her home and decides to raise her as his protége and daughter really xD

Shit majorly hits the fan the moment Adoven's and Ricnan's stories meet and basically cause a huge explosion and fallout that really threatens the peace substantially 👀

Apart from that I also have a couple of subplots going on, about soulmates, rebirth, ancient mistakes catching up to the present now, illegitimate children threatening thrones, world-shattering magic, shapeshifting, dragons, and all that fun stuff you encounter in fantasy novels occasionally that add to the already existing chaos xD Also, everyone is queer because I say so xD

I can share some paragraphs, maybe from some different characters viewpoints... Here's Ricnan and his partner, Elornan, sitting at the breakfast table and musing about the strange behavior of Neryssa, the young woman they sort of adopted xD

“What on earth was that?” Ricnan asked after a brief moment of silence, but tried to keep his voice low as he slowly turned to Elornan. Elornan took a bite from his bread and smiled at him slyly. “When I got home yesterday I saw her standing by the mailbox, even more red in her face than now,” he said, “I didn’t say anything, she didn’t mention it. But, oh well…” “I… still don’t quite understand I think. It’s too early in the morning,” Ricnan sighed. Elornan laughed. “Well, let’s say it like this,” he said, leaning in a little closer to Ricnan and lowering his voice ever so slightly, “Maybe she’s not hungry because her stomach is too full of butterflies already.” That woke Ricnan up properly. He looked at the door, to where they could hear Neryssa rummaging in her bag in the next room over. Then he turned back to Elornan. “You really think so? I mean… she never mentioned anyone special, she doesn’t seem too fond of the majority of her classmates even…” “I’m fairly sure,” Elornan said, taking another bun, “You know, I had someone else sitting at my table here quite some time ago, similarly bad at hiding his thoughts and feelings. It’s funny, you and Neryssa are not even related, but still alike in a lot of ways.” Now it was Ricnan’s cheeks to flush pink. “‘Quite some time ago’, I beg your pardon…” he mumbled with played offence. “Aaages,” Elornan continued to tease, “Actual Centuries… but time very well spent I’d say. Wouldn’t have wanted to spend it with someone else, either.” Ricnan chuckled as he cut open another warm, soft piece of bread. In the hallway Neryssa scurried past the kitchen door yelling a quick “Bye!” with one foot out the front door already before slamming it shut. Both Elornan and Ricnan couldn’t help but laugh out loud now. “Oh, to be young again, indeed,” Ricnan mused but Elornan shrugged. “Sure, some things are easier when you’re young, but admittedly, most aren’t,” he said, “Not for me at least.” “So you don’t mind me turning officially old tomorrow?” “'Officially old’,” Elornan snickered, “I’m still older than you.” “On paper, in numbers, yes,” Ricnan said, somewhat more sober now, “But physically, one day I’m gonna catch up and surpass you.” “That is still far in the future,” Elornan said, putting a hand on his arm, “and I prefer living in the here and now, not worrying about what might or might not happen someday.” “I like the sound of that,” Ricnan smiled.

And a very dramatic moment for Adoven:

His heart skipped a beat or two, and he felt like he fell forever, as slowly as a feather tossed into an endless abyss. He could only just make out the shock and disbelief on the open-mouthed face of the soldier standing above him, right before he stumbled backwards and disappeared into the office. He could still feel the rope, even though he clearly saw it dangling freely against the wall of the tower, but its sensation, its fibres had burned themselves into his palms. He fell backwards into nothingness, not even the winds able to hold him up anymore, seeming weak and insignificant compared to the violence they used to tear on their clothes, the contents of the office just minutes before. His distance to the wall of the tower grew, and he gained speed, could see his teardrops sparkling in the air above him as he fell further and further, beginning to question if this is how he'll be remembered. The wannabe-revolutionary that fell to his death from the Academy of Saratheas.

If you wanna snoop around a bit more, I have an (as of right now inactive) sideblog @ivendarea for this project with some stuff, and art and writing and everything else that sort of belongs into this world in its own tag on my main blog here: elvenbeard.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20king%20of%20ivendarea ("The King of Ivendarea" was the working title for this for the longest time until some time in 2022 I decided I will split this into several novels and referring to the first one "The Voice of the Voiceless" from there on!)

Thanks again so much for asking!! :D

[kyogre-blue]

Ooh someone put to words why I felt that Liyue's archon quest really dropped the ball after Mondstadt's, thank you! My sister was appalled when I thought Kequing was the same person as Ganyu when she appeared for the first time haha, I went "oh purple-haired messenger lady" and didn't realize they were different people until I met Ganyu again for the glaze lillies and realized the dissonance in her values vs Kequing's lol

But about Mondstadt's archon quest—my perspective was colored by the fact that I read all the Mondstadt books before finishing it, but still—iirc doesn't Venti explicitly tell us that Dvalin *isn't* mad about the temples or the lack of worship, but that when he came back to Mondstadt he was met with rejection because people didn't recognize him? Just how much he sacrificed defending them from Durin must have twisted the knife even deeper... This draws parallels to the time he first descended to the world and he couldn't understand people and the people didn't understand him so they reacted with violence and anger, until he finally met Barbatos who saw him for his beauty instead (breeze amidst the forest vol. 1). And well, the time in the archon quest isn't the first time that Stormterror had attacked—he and the knights have clashed multiple times and animosity grew (breeze amidst the forest vol. 2 citation) to the point that revealing that he's the East Wind NOW would be dropping a political hot potato and put the Knights of Favonius in a lose-lose between killing one of their gods or looking like their people's safety didn't matter to them.

Plus, Venti specifically stating that Dvalin doesn't have to listen to him made perfect sense to me because, in the past, Venti DID command Dvalin - in battle against Durin, 500 years ago. The fallout of which has obviously caused Dvalin an unimaginable amount of pain and is basically why Dvalin and by extension Mond were in such dire straits in the present. Venti must have felt so guilty... that reminds me, they actually made this point a lot more explicit in the closed beta! The meaning is a lot clearer there than in the final version, imho - In the beta, as Venti is falling, still awake, Dvalin goes: "speak...summon me, command me, and thou shalt be saved—" but Venti instead smiles, relieved. "You have finally returned, Dvalin" and blacks out. When he wakes up on Dvalin's back, Venti tells Dvalin "I never summoned you because I never wanted to order you again." the AGAIN is key here, I believe.

You're right that 'freedom when commanded by an Archon is really not freedom at all' came a little out of left field though. The context probably was about how Venti commanding Dvalin to save him would mean nothing, while Dvalin Choosing to save everyone, by himself, despite everything, means a whole lot. And maybe about how Dvalin willingly tying himself back to Mond isn't what Venti wishes for him, but it's not his place to tell Dvalin what causes are worth committing himself to? Maybe? I'll have to think a bit more on that, bc Venti does seem to support people committing to service as long as it makes them happy. Hm.

Sorry if this is incoherent and hard to read rip I typed it in my phone and I can't see the whole ask at once in my tiny screen lmfao. Also I was surfing posts about the Genshin storyline and saw yours, which I was nodding along with, then I went to your tumblr and realised "Wait, that's the author of those amazing khr fics I read ages ago!!!!!" So I Kinda Got Overexcited fjkjdh

Mmmm I vaguely recall that Venti might have said that, but again, it isn't conveyed properly, which defeats the entire point.

One off-hand mention isn't enough for the motivations at the core of your storyline's central character. We needed something more like Jean sitting us down and explaining painfully how Dvalin showed up out of the blue one day, how the people panicked, how no one realized who he was until it was too, etc. This should be at least three sentences with sad music in the background, is what I'm saying. Like, an actual scene of this. This is what I mean when I say Mond feels like it's missing half of its scenes, to help transition between what we did get.

Similarly, I don't count the books toward the actual storyline. Very few people read those. I only read them on the wiki, not even in the game. The game doesn't even think you're reading them, since Liyue Act 4 literally told us nothing that wasn't already in the books, because they knew most players don't know this stuff and had to be caught up on all that. Beta content is obviously even less countable, since it's just straight up not canon anymore, since they chose to cut it.

(The beta stuff is interesting though! Wonder why they'd cut something so meaningful.)

In general, Mond and especially Liyue suffer from a ton of the setting and situation being just... vague.

We're not explicitly told what the actual conflict between the Qixing and the adepti is. We're not told what the adepti actually plan to do. We're not told what the Qixing are even doing behind the scenes. It's all discussed in total generalities, when the specifics would have massive implications for all the characters involved. In Mond, it's somewhat less noticeable because, at the end of the day, Dvalin is not being rational or acting as he normally would, so the situational details aren't too important. But in Liyue, the situation IS the plot, so.... yeah.

As much as I hate it, I will say that the new writers are better at convey this stuff, for whatever reason. I just finished Inazuma act 1 again, and it's noticeable how much they walk you through the situation in Inazuma, compared to Liyue's vagueness.

(Not to say that it's all good or even enjoyable, the Ritou errands were just annoying and the NPCs are a cancer, plus the emotional and character writing is a mess, especially in the other acts. Hilariously, it even comes back to bite them later because they try to sweep under the rug the situation they set up so painstakingly.)

I feel like those KHR fics are my real legacy, and I'm happy with that. Those were good days, hehe.

[frankensteinshimbo]

So. I had plans for this blog, but something happened to me the other week... Maybe two weeks ago now that's made it a priority for me to find housing and to make more money at my job. I come from a background of being chronically homeless or borderline homeless most of my adult life. Things haven't gotten much better.

I am working on a few tabletop projects I want to GM on the side and reading, but it's been harder for me to write anything. I feel so shut down and like my head is full of cotton haha.

And then there's that San Francisco project that I straight up cannot continue anymore. For people who haven't read my page, San Francisco is a written tabletop game of vampire that I was planning on posting some snippers of my own writing from. Freddie is a character I've carried with me through the years and who has become a more mature concept to me and that I have an idea for a semi-biographical fictional work for.

I might try and actually.... Write my book about Freddie? Maybe? A lot of that is very muddled. Everytime I try and do something mature or interesting with that character, I run into issues with other users. Granted. I'm not going to be executing my first version of the work anymore. I think it lacked maturity and was really only concepted as a fun idea to fuck around with friends with at the time anyway.

Either way, I've had significant issues discussing my novel ideas and writing with people because inevitably, a fan always becomes unhealthily interested in my work. I've had people form friendships with me to get access to my writing or to project sexual fantasies onto my characters. It's not enough for them to just muse on it by themselves. They always try and involve me. I even had someone steal my identity once, while also being sexually inappropriate with me via commenting on what she'd like to do to my characters.

To say the least, this is all highly traumatizing and on top of my unstable living situation, the project I'm doing with Freddie can't really continue where other people are involved, since San Francisco is a tabletop game. I don't feel the level of safety I know I need to feel to be comfortable participating in the game because of my history with individuals. I know some of the people in that game follow me on Tumblr. And I apologize. My intent isn't to vague about anyone on here. I just recognize some things are feasible for others but not for me personally.

What I will do is try and actually write the novel. Because I want to. But, obviously, a long form work like that will take time, and due to reasons outlined, I don't feel comfortable advertising it on Tumblr or speaking about the character.

My short form work..... I don't know. The living situation stuff is constantly knocking me in the head. So, for now, if anyone is interested in homebrew or documenting tabletop sessions, maybe that's something I can provide for the meantime.

We'll try again next year with writing maybe 😂

[andreafmn]

Collision - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,434

Characters: Female Reader Uley Character, Sam Uley, Allison Uley, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater, Billy Black, Jacob Black, Emily Young, Paul Lahote, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Leah Clearwater

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life at it’s first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. 

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Twilight, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Stephanie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. The only thing I own is Uley Reader insert, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 1/?

A/N: There’s no Cullen’s in the first chapter, we’ll see them soon though. Also, Esme is in the story but her and Carlisle are not together romantically. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Next->

Chapter 1

Going back home felt bizarre for (Y/N). It had been 4 years since she had moved away from the La Push Reservation on a scholarship to a prep boarding school in Seattle. Although students were expected to go back home during summer break, she spent her time in summer taking college classes or attending internships in the area, so going back didn’t fit into her plans.

But she had just graduated from high school and decided that taking a gap year could not hurt. Seeing her family wouldn’t be that bad either.

(Y/N) Uley had not reunited physically with Sam and Allison Uley since she left for school, only calling occasionally but always being to busy for anything else. The mother and son duo had grown accustomed to the short phone calls and vague emails they would receive from their studious family member. The Uley siblings used to be a very close pair, being only a year apart helped their bond. But since (Y/N) had invested all her energy into her high school career, their relationship rapidly dissipated; replaced by untold secrets and life-changing details.

The Uley girl had no idea what was in store when she went back home. She had left when she was 14 and was coming back an 18-year-old with a high school diploma and a bachelor’s degree. (Y/N) had always been an over achiever and applying to the school she had and taking dual enrollment was no surprise to her mother and brother.

The bus ride from Seattle to La Push lasted almost eight hours, so (Y/N) equipped herself with two books, plenty of snacks, and a fully charged iPod to handle the ride. She had gotten the earliest ride available always enjoying the intriguing mystery that 3 am travels brought. Her brown eyes surveyed the curious characters that voyaged alongside her a young woman sat with a sleeping baby in her arms, the dark circles under her eyes signaled the baby was still a newborn getting adapted to a sleep schedule; there was a middle-aged man, his eyes attached to a computer and a briefcase tight to his side; there were two teenagers, backpacks at their feet and shared headphones in between them. They were wearing light blue polo shirt and her school insignia embroidered on the left side of their shirt. She had seen them in passing, two freshmen still energetic and excited for their school life. She looked at them and smiled, remembering being in their shoes four years ago.

Four hours in, (Y/N) had finished one book, and the bus made its first stop in Port Angeles, the place where everyone that traveled with her got off. It wasn’t surprising to see from the top of her book as everyone got off, she didn’t recognize any of them from the reservation so it would have been surprising if any of them had stayed in the bus. For the next four hours, (Y/N) continued to read her second book surrounded by a comforting silence. The sun had risen about an hour ago and a nice warmth was streaming from the bus window and (Y/N) felt herself drift in bliss.

Her eyes fluttered open once again when she felt the bus finally rolling to a stop. She blinked a few times as she adjusted her vision to the bright midday sun and her brain restarted normal functions. The brunette gathered the bag with her travel companions and got up from the chair she had been glued to for eight hours.

“Have a good day,” the driver chimed as (Y/N) was walking down the bus.

“You too, drive safe!” The girl smiled and got her two suitcases out of the side of the bus.

(Y/N) got startled as she felt two arms wrap around her midriff and quickly swung her elbow back.

“Woah, woah, careful with those arms, (Y/N). It’s just me,” the girl turned around, a gleaming grin adorning her face.

“Sam!” She jumped onto the open arms of her older brother, seeing the years that had passed on his tired face.

“Look at you, darling. All grown up,” Allison Uley smiled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Mom, I’ve missed you.” (Y/N) hugged her mother tightly, noticing the difference in heights of her and her mother. Another thing she noticed was the strain between her mother and her brother. Before she left, they all had a very close relationship but now it felt like so many things had interlaced into their bond. “Let’s go home yeah?”

“I’m, actually I gotta go to my house,” Sam scratched the back of his neck.

“What house?” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I moved out, but I’ll come over for your welcome dinner.”

“Sam, she just came back. Don’t you wanna spend time with your sister?” Allison begged, wanting to have both of her children under the same roof again.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, mom. Leave it.” Sam sighed. “I’ll see you at dinner, (Y/N).”

He kissed the top of his sister’s head and left. He wanted to tell them the whole truth, but he knew he couldn’t. Knowing that information would put them in a level of danger that he didn’t want them to be aware of.

(Y/N) stared at the retreating figure of his brother as he ran down the street, leaving her and their mother.

“What’s up with him?”

“Oh darling, if only I knew.” Allison sighed grabbing one of the suitcases her daughter had brought. “Let’s just head to the house so you can rest.”

“Yeah, let’s.” (Y/N) gave Allison a comforting smile and wheeled the second suitcase towards the truck.

The drive home was as short as she remembered, and the house hadn’t changed a bit. She walked up the steps to the porch and opened the old wooden door; it still made the same creaking sound. The house still smelled of seawater and pine, an odd mix but a comforting scent. (Y/N) regretted all the summers she missed here and all the days she spent away from her family.

She made her way up the stairs and entered the first door to the right. She ran her fingers through the stickers she had pasted on there when she was 13: a wolf, a rainbow, a heart, and a picture of her family. Her name still carved at the highest point of the door and she smiled at the memory of that. She sat atop Sam’s shoulder when she was just 12 years old, a trembling hand holding a pick as she carved as best as she could the name “(Y/N)”.

The doorknob as it was turned let out a squeaky groan and the door needed an extra push to open. The room had not changed at all. The walls were still painted a light green, the light switch still had the pink princess cover, the bedding had the little purple butterflies embroidered on them, and the pillows were all pink and purple. In a corner rested the five boxes (Y/N) had sent to the house from her dorm room.

“It hasn’t changed a bit,” (Y/N) commented as she felt her mother’s presence behind her.

“I didn’t want to change it until you came back,” Allison smiled. “But I’m sure you’d like to give this place a bit of a makeover.”

“Definitely,” she laughed. “I think I’ll go to Port Angeles this weekend, doing some shopping can’t hurt.”

“That’s true.” Allison side hugged her daughter as she laughed. She headed towards the door but stopped when she was called upon by her daughter.

“Hey, mom?”

“Yes, darling?”

“By any chance, do you know where Sam’s living?” Allison’s body stiffened but shared the information with her daughter. Maybe she could figure out why he’d just disappeared.

(Y/N) was surprised to hear he was living with a girl she barely knew. She knew of Emily Young through Leah Clearwater, but not much after that. Last thing she had heard Leah and Sam had been dating. She certainly had missed some very important pivotal points in her brother’s life.

The house wasn’t far, so she decided to walk there. Upon arrival she could feel the warm and inviting aura that the quaint house emanated. The blue door called to her as she knocked on it. It finally opened and revealed her brother.

“(Y/N), what’re you doing here?”

“I’m here to see my big brother. Is that such a crime?” She laughed.

“No, of course. Come in,” he smiled begrudgingly. “I don’t have much time so we gotta make this quick.”

“Wow, feeling the love there,” she chuckled passing through the doorframe.

“There’s just some things that I have to do before dinner tonight.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I just wanted to ask if you could help me on the weekend with my room. I’m bringing it four years into the present, gotta make sure it looks like an 18-year-old sleeps there.”

“Yeah, I’ll come over Sunday afternoon and help you then. Anything else you need?”

“Well, not exactly, but it wouldn’t help to catch up. You know make up for four years of chit chat conversations and get me up to date with at the happenings in your life.”

“There’s not much to say other than I moved out and I’m engaged.” He said nonchalantly.

“Excuse me?! You’re engaged and failed to mention that to me?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, (Y/N).”

“Yes, it is, Sam! You’re getting married and this is the first I’m ever hearing of this or the fact that you moved out or the fact that you’re engaged to your ex-girlfriend’s cousin. I think it is a big deal.”

“Okay, yeah. Kind of a long story on that one.”

“Enough time to tell it to me?” Sam hesitated. He could hear Emily’s truck approaching and two male voices coming back from patrol. He needed to get (Y/N) out of the house before they got here.

“Maybe another time. I’ll call you on Sunday, yeah?” Sam asked as he nudged his sister out of his house.

“I guess.” (Y/N) mumbled as she was pushed out the front door. “Bye.”

“See ya.” Sam kissed the side of her head and closed the door.

(Y/N) left the house with more questions about her brother that she had begun with but didn’t want to press on. There was no use if he wasn’t going to talk, so she walked back home.

Her mother had gone out, possibly grocery shopping for tonight’s dinner, giving (Y/N) time to catch up on some much-needed sleep. She walked up the stairs and into her room, plopping down on the bed not caring how she landed. All she wanted was to close her eyes and rest.

By six in the afternoon her eyes fluttered open once again. She could smell the dinner her mother had been cooking. The room had darkened as the sun was going down and thankfully her mother had turned on a lamp for (Y/N) to have some vision. The girl got up from bed and grabbed some clothes from her suitcase to take a quick shower before dinner. She stripped all her clothes off and let the water wash away all the hours of the day. As soon as the water started turning cold, she shut it off and got out.

For a second, (Y/N) stopped and stared at herself in the mirror above the sink. She barely recognized the girl staring back. The bags under her eyes were deeper than the last time she had seen herself in this specific mirror, her cheekbones were more defined than before, her skin paler than usual since she hadn’t really seen the sun in a while.

It didn’t take her long to change into some new clothes and head downstairs, where she saw her mother on the phone. Disappointment evident in her eyes.

“Sam, it’s your sister… please… ok, fine. Just don’t flake on her on Sunday,” Allison sighed, turning off her phone and slamming it on the counter.

“Everything okay, mom?”

“Oh, yeah, darling. Your brother won’t be able to join us, but Billy and Jacob, and the Clearwaters are on their way, and I also invited Charlie and Bella Swan. I hope you don’t mind that they join in.”

“No, I don’t mind. What about Paul?”

“You know I’ve never liked that boy, honey.” (Y/N) stared at her mother. Refusing to continue the conversation until Allison answered the question. “I did invite him, but he couldn’t come.”

“I love seeing you make an effort,” (Y/N) laughed and kissed her mother on the cheek. “I’ll set the table.”

“Thank you, darling.”

(Y/N) grabbed the 10 plates needed for the night and the respective cutlery. She still remembered how her mother liked the table arranged and set it as such. She set the vase filled with fresh flowers in the middle of the table, leaving space on the sides for the dinner platters. The arrival of the guests was soon after. (Y/N) had grown alongside Jacob and Leah, and on the summers, she would spend her times with the Swan girl. Once Seth was born, he became very close with the Uley girl.

“My oh my, (Y/N), how you’ve grown.” Billy Black grabbed Uley’s hand and smiled up at her, with the warmness that summer brought.

“Indeed, I have, and you haven’t aged a day in four years. What’s your secret?”

“It’s in the genes,” he laughed alongside the young girl. She’d always been a charmer, he thought “You remember my boy, Jacob, right?”

“How could I ever forget? Hey, Jake!”

“How you’ve been, (Y/N)?” Jacob approached his friend and wrapped her in a hug. “Been an awful long time.”

“Four years, that’s not much,” she smiled. “Come in.”

The father and son duo entered the house, and next came the Clearwaters. Harry, Sue, and Seth. No Leah. They had always been close to the Uleys, a bit of divide coming after the rupture between the eldest offspring of each family.

“Oh, wow, where has the time gone?” Sue commented, greeting the girl with a tight hug.

“4 years really do go by quick, don’t they?”

“They sure do, Harry.” (Y/N) smiled, motioning the couple in.

Finally, Seth walked in and engulfed (Y/N) in a tight hug. The girl was 5 years his elder, but he considered her one of his best friends. Seth and Paul were the only two people (Y/N) kept in close contact other than her family. For some time, Paul and (Y/N) had drifted apart but Seth always sent his monthly excited letters, updating her on what he had been up to.

“I missed you, (Y/N)!” Little Seth spoke into a bundle of brunette hair.

“I missed you too, Seth.” She smiled as he walked past her, joining his parents.

The last to enter were Sheriff Swan and Bella. The cop smiled at the girl and gave her a quick hug, commenting on how much she had grown, a low chuckle leaving his throat. Bella entered with hunched shoulders, possibly not wanting to be there but she still smiled at her old friend. Vague memories filled the girls’ heads of summer play dates and days at the beach.

“It’s been quite some time, huh?” Bella muttered.

“It sure has. It’s great to see you again,” (Y/N) smiled. “How have you liked Forks now that you’re back full time. Still hating cold weather?”

“Yeah,” the pale girl chuckled. “But it has its better days.”

The girls joined in a quick giggled before joining the rest of the group at the dinner table. Allison had already set the table and had said her hellos to the group.

The three males had engaged in sports conversations and the teens were all huddled in the kitchen munching on cheese and crackers and engaging in small chit chat.

“So, (Y/N), 18 and already a degree, how does that feel?” Jacob asked, stuffing his mouth with cheese and ham.

“Well, as good as it can be. Don’t know exactly what I’m gonna do now. All I know is that I’m taking a year off and taking a breather for the first time.” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I just can’t believe you’d spend all this time going to school, twice as much. I don’t like school at all,” Seth chimed in, picking apart the cheese and filling his mouth.

“So, you spent these past four years studying, including your summers?” Bella added.

“That’s correct,” (Y/N) smiled. “And now I have a degree and nothing to do with it.”

The group chuckled and moved towards the adults as they were being called to dinner. In the center of the table was a big platter of spaghetti and meatballs, (Y/N)’s favorite food, a tray of toasted garlic bread, and a bowl of a colorful mix of spring salad.

(Y/N) always enjoyed her mother’s cooking. Even on her saddest days, Allison’s cooking could warm her heart at any time. She and her mother had a very close relationship, even after four years of distance. Since her father left early in her life, her mother had always tried her hardest to make sure both her children were loved and cared for. And she stayed wondering where she had gone wrong with Sam and hoping (Y/N) didn’t stray away as her eldest had.

The dinner group had all taken their seats at the dinner table and were passing around the various platters, serving themselves their desired portions. Jacob and Seth were overfilling their plates, receiving a laugh from their respective parents. Charlie, Harry, and Billy were filling their plates with more protein than carbohydrates and the moms at the table smiled at the males engulfing the meatballs. (Y/N) looked around the table and smiled. It had been a long time since she had sat down with the important people in her life and was relaxed, even if two of them were missing.

After everyone was served, everything went almost quiet. Some background music could be heard from the living room and the sound of forks hitting plates and mouths chewing filled the environment. Everyone was comfortable with the silence, but there was still one question in everyone’s mind.

“Where’s Sam?” Seth spoke up, voicing everyone’s question. The whole table paused in action and Seth felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Sue softly elbowed her son. “What?”

“It’s okay, Sue,” (Y/N) smiled. “He couldn’t be here, bud.”

“Maybe he was feeling bad, like Leah.” He added earning a burning stare from both his parents.

“Maybe, Seth.”

“I just wanna apologize for our daughter missing this dinner. I know she really wanted to see you, (Y/N).”

“Oh, Harry, it’s really no problem. I’m sure I’ll catch up with her soon enough.” (Y/N) smiled trying to ease the tension felt in the room. She could see her mother gripping her fork tightly as she kept her head down. “But I would also like to apologize on behalf of Sam, I know he wanted to be here.”

Everyone simply nodded and went back to their plates. The rest of the evening was enjoyable. No one mentioned the pair that was missing, and (Y/N)’s past four years were questioned in depth. She had an answer for everything except “What are you gonna do now?”

She didn’t know and that’s what she answered. She mentioned she wanted to study medicine, having finished a degree in biology and always loved taking care of other people. Sue was excited, being a nurse herself. But (Y/N) had landed at a standstill in terms of her life and career. A vast portion of her life had been defined as a student and now that this part was over, she didn’t know who she was.  

The dinner festivities were over soon thereafter, leaving Allison and (Y/N) to clean up after the group. The Uley pair put everything away in silence, exhausted from the eventful day. (Y/N) could see as her mother wiped away a few stray tears, sniffling behind her hair. The girl knew better than to bring the topic back up and left her mother with a kiss on the temple and a good night.

Upstairs, (Y/N) prepared herself for bed. The event had drained nay energy still left in her and she plopped down on the bed with a small thud. She had prepared her clothes for the next day, knowing her energy would also be drained but still excited to have this change. Her eyes fluttered close as she heard in the distance her mother’s quiet footsteps on the staircase, darkness overtaking her.

Next->

A/N: if you wish to be tagged for the next parts, please let me know. I’d be happy to. <3

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Golden II (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: hello. This is the second part of the Kakashi amnesia fic. I was so conflicted on what to do in this one and admittedly, I am not satisfied with this. Not completely. I really struggle writing the second part of a trio, and it's evident here.

Part three is up!

Word count: 4200

_______

Kakashi struggled to maintain his normal persona after Y/N got into the incident. He just couldn’t shake off that desperate need to be around her. At this point, it was just instinctual to look for her in the crowds, and expect to see her waiting for him each time he got home from a mission. He missed her laugh and her smile, and the people in the village did not help.

His only solace was on missions where he could forget about it all. It was an impossible struggle, especially when everyone and their mother was consoling him every time he stepped outside to do literally anything. He didn’t want people in his business, especially something so sensitive. 

The mornings were now cold and depressing. Each time he rolled over in an attempt to throw his arm around his girlfriend, he was only met with the hollow space where she used to be. He would bury his face in his pillows and shut his eyes, just trying to drown out her voice from his mind. But her scent still lingered on his linens and buried deep into the pillows. 

He imagined her groggy eyes opening just a peek to see if he was awake before her, and he usually was. She would smile and scoot close to his body, curling up and hugging him around the waist, her head resting against his chest. He missed wrapping her up in a cuddly hug, peppering the top of her head with kisses. 

He missed going to get breakfast with her, and her ranting to him about this new novel the store had in shipment, comparing the plot to that of other books she had read and gushing over the character development or the vocabulary or a plot twist she'd never seen. She was always such a nerd, it was adorable.

And he missed meeting up with her each night as she closed the store, her hugging him so tight he could feel her heart beating against his. She'd attack his face with kisses and giggles, pulling down his mask in between the bookshelves where no one could see and gracing his lips with a kiss, or a dozen, depending on the day. 

He just missed her. But he knew it was for the best-not knowing her anymore, not getting attached all over again, or letting her get close to him again. He thought of her amnesia as a fresh start, a way to break up with her without crushing her emotionally. She would never know what she was missing.

He would be the only one suffering, and that was better to him than the other way around.

For Kakashi, it was always hard to imagine he would get to a place in life where he felt comfortable enough with someone to maintain such a relationship. He didn’t think he would grow to have these moments with someone he loved. He worked through so many walls he had built up over the years, fought against all his paranoia and superstitions, and for what? To feel his heart break?

He felt betrayed, by whom, he had no idea. He just felt like the stars had aligned perfectly in favor of screwing him over the moment he was comfortable, the moment someone was able to squeeze into his heart and share their love. It would take time to get over his feelings for her, he knew that. The memories would always linger, but they wouldn’t cut through him like they did now.

For now, the only thing he could do was lie in his bed until his next mission the following day. Without her, he didn’t see any reason to get out of bed anyway.

______

Y/N returned to her apartment after being discharged from the hospital, and did as she was instructed to do. Each day she would look through her belongings, pictures, trinkets, anything that had emotional value, hoping it would bring out some of her old memories. Nothing really changed. Sometimes she could see flashes of people in her head that lived in the village. Kakashi, that guy in the green suit, Yamato, the sweet girl that took care of her all her days in the hospital. All of them appeared in her mind at one point or another,  but nothing strong enough to give her any knowledge.

Tsunade told her to just keep trying and hopefully, something would fix itself. It seemed like a shot in the dark, but anything was worth a try.

It wasn’t until a few hours into the cleaning process, scrapping blood and ink out of carpets and stocking her shelves of the store, that she found something of real importance. Deep in the back of her front counter, hidden in a drawer, sat a small shoebox, filled with stacks of papers.

At first, she assumed they were probably just old receipts, but that was not the case.

Inside she found many things. Photos, notes, letters, and little trinkets all stacked carefully in the box like her previous self took extra special care of them. For this reason, she took the box to the table to sit down and go through everything one by one. Anything was worth a try, and maybe this would propel her recovery in motion..

First she examined the letters. They were very short, but full of information about her past self, and she found herself more intrigued and surprised with every word. Each one was from Kakashi, she noted that immediately. Out of all people, she could not imagine that man sitting and writing out anything nice or thoughtful to her. 

But she was wrong.

They stated things about how he was on missions and wouldn't be back for a month or so at a time. He often stated how badly he wished to come back home and visit her bookstore again. How he was sorry for being gone so long that he couldn’t help around the store. 

 The first few, dated as far back as 7 years, were very friendly, nothing out of the ordinary for a correspondence between friends. It still seemed sketchy to her that Kakashi took time out of his day to send her letters, but not unbelievable.  It wasn’t until they progressed right in front of her eyes that she was taking in every word with awe.

They detailed how much he missed seeing her face, which he often described as beautiful and precious. She was his motivator that kept him going each morning and through the long nights, he said. The man proclaimed his love over and over in the letters starting four years ago until the very last which was from a few months ago. He was never very descriptive or detailed, but he got across what needed to be said and what was on his mind very effectively.

She had no idea Kakashi felt that way about her. He really didn't act like they had any relationship at all. He actually spent most days avoiding her at all costs. Of course, she would see him walking down the street, and wave through the glass panels of her bookstore, not that he ever cared. He would usually take one look over at her, and then walk faster in the opposite direction. 

To say her first impression of him was a bit off putting was an understatement. Where other people like Yamato treated her with kindness and humility, he seemed to think he was too good to try and reconnect. Although, he was certainly a handsome man and very courageous. She could vaguely see why her old self was at least physically attracted to him. Even if he wasn’t acting the nicest now, the letters led her to believe he was possibly a hopeless romantic.

She scanned through the other things in the box. The photos were ones of her with all her friends, but the majority were just Kakashi. The first few photos, the oldest, with the most damage around the frayed edges, were of them when they were much younger. He didn't have on the jounin vest he wore, and she had such a baby face to match a toothy grin. Maybe they were teenagers, 20 somethings? She couldn’t tell for sure.  

The photos were just of them together. Sitting by certain sights or buildings, hugging, eating, on every kind of date you could imagine. It looked like she documented each one. Time stamps on the backs in whatever pen color she had at the time, scribbled details here and there.

It made sense now, why she had a pile of disposable cameras in her room. Dozens of photos of Kakashi, decades of memories all piled up in this box between the pair. It felt surreal, seeing herself in places she couldn’t recognize, in the arms of a man she barely knew.

She must have really loved him before. Their relationship was one of quite a few years from the looks of the things in this box, and obviously she cherished even the little moments. She felt guilt pang in her chest, and her stomach to turn over painfully. How he must have felt when she told him she didn't remember him. How it must feel walking past her in the street and knowing what they had was gone. She couldn't imagine the pain he had to be going through.

And he said that the entire thing was his fault. That day he walked into her hospital room, he apologized for what he did to her, saying that his family was the cause for this, and that he should have come to the store earlier to make sure something like that never happened. He wasn’t a superhero, despite what everyone thought of him. He was merely a man, a shinobi with a love for porn novels and dogs and one girl he desperately wanted to protect. Now that was gone.

Needless to say, she felt awful. It wasn’t her fault for not remembering him, but it sure felt that way.

She set everything back into the box and put it in its place under the counter before flipping the open sign to closed and heading out into the street. She knew where he lived, only because of the return addresses on the envelopes of the letters. She was still quite familiar with Konoha and it's workings, some of the street names hazy but there. She was now determined to make it to his apartment, even if she had to ask everyone in town to help navigate.

If he was on a mission, so be it, but if he was home, she wanted to see the man. 

Thankfully, she realized that he lived only a few streets away from her when a street vendor pointed her in the right direction, but damn,  he lived on the fourth floor and she inwardly cursed him. Her legs were still a bit shaky from the incident, and she hadn't healed completely. Stairs were a pain for her. This entire man seemed like a real pain, honestly.

She finally made it to the fourth floor after hobbling up like an old man, and knocked on the second door. She was going to have a conversation with this man, the same man who was keeping their history a secret this entire time without trying to make a connection again.

No one in this town wanted to explain anything to her. Yamato was nice but he always beat around the bush and left when things started getting informative. Sakura just fawned over her broken limbs and injuries. And the man in the green jumpsuit was too loud, she usually had to kick him out once she felt a headache coming on. Other than that, she didn’t have many friends. They’d told her her family died in a “jinchuriki” attack, whatever that meant, so she didn’t have any family to ask either.

As she waited at the door, she felt her stomach churn. Part of her was genuinely curious how her younger self fell for him and what they were like together. Like, what was the appeal? He seemed kinda strange and distant, and she couldn’t help but want cuddles and love constantly. It seemed like an odd match, and Y/N couldn’t help but question it. 

Opposites attract, I guess.

After a couple seconds, the door opened a crack, and a half dressed man answered the door. She found her face heating up a bit. He wasn’t even exposed in any way, he just wasn’t wearing his headband, nor did he have his jacket on, revealing toned arms and fluffy, messy hair that she had to admit was pretty adorable. Okay, so she could definitely see herself falling for someone so handsome, but regardless, she was on a mission.

He looked startled to see her standing there in all her glory, out of breath and bent over like she’d run the whole way here. She held onto the doorway to balance herself. Perhaps she was just a tiny little bit out of breath from climbing the stairs still. Y/N apologized quickly, “Sorry, give me a second. Going up the stairs is really hard to do and you live on the fourth floor so, yeah.” 

“Who told you where I live?” He questioned, scanning the walkway to make sure no one else was around to be listening. 

“You did, actually,” she answered after taking a deep breath. “I found an old box of letters from you, and I just went to the return address.”

The letters. How could he forget about them? He had tried to rid her place of all signs of him, taking out pictures of the two of them together save for a few with other people included. He took out every single belonging he had. The only thing he missed was the letters, ones he didn’t even know Y/N had kept in the first place. He cursed himself. 

Her reading the letters made him feel violated. Even if the letters were for her, it felt like a stranger had just read some of his deepest and most pathetic thoughts, the ones of love and adoration and depression all piled up in a few letters addressed to a Y/N he used to know.  He felt sick thinking about what this woman now knew. 

“Okay. Well, listen, you really shouldn’t just come to my apartment like this. I’m not fond of drop in visits.”

“I don’t care. I’ll do whatever I want, Kakashi Hatake, or should I say, my lover,” she laughed, resting one of her hands on her hip proudly. He felt himself wince at the sound of those words coming from her lips, seeing her childish grin. It reminded him too much of before, how they used to be, and he couldn’t handle that. Suddenly, he felt that familiar sickness rolling in his stomach. “How come you never said anything about it?”

“Because, I didn’t think you needed to know.”

“Why? Obviously you were a very big part of my life and I, yours,” she asked.

He sighed and leant on the doorframe, his eyes never leaving the village over her shoulder, anything other than meeting her eyes. He really did not want to have this conversation with her. He would have talked her ear off about a month before when she actually had her memories and knew who she was, but today, with the way she was, he might as well be speaking to a stranger. 

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“Of course.”

“It’s because I was going to leave you after the accident either way” he confessed, and she could only nod. It wasn’t like she was gonna get offended by his words, she didn’t even know him. He continued, “It makes me sick knowing that all this was my fault in the first place.”

She tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“The reason that man and his lackeys kidnapped you is because of my father’s mistakes,” he sighed, “That bastard wanted to get revenge by hurting you, since you and I were close.”

She nodded, tapping the floor with her foot as she absorbed everything he’d said. That is what he alluded to before when they met in the hospital. She replied calmly, her tone so understanding it made him feel nauseous.“I see. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call that your fault. You definitely didn’t directly cause anything to happen, if anything it was your father. I’m not offended at all.” 

“It doesn’t matter what you think. It doesn’t make this anyone's fault but mine.”

“Really, it’s not your fault. You could have never predicted this,” she tried to say, but he just went on, words flowing out faster than she could argue against them. 

“It doesn’t matter. I knew that it was wrong to let you into my life. You would have lived just as happily if I’d have ignored you and let you meet some son of a baker, get married after a year, have a bunch of kids, shit, I don’t know,” he cursed. She could tell he was breaking down feelings he had been harboring for a while, and she pushed past him into his apartment, walking right under the arm he was resting on. This wasn’t something to talk about in public, out in the open. “I knew that if you were with me that you would never live a normal life, and I still let you fall in love with me, all because I was too selfish to put my own feelings aside.”

“Love shouldn’t be suppressed like that. You did what was natural.”

“Yeah, and look where that got us. Look where that got you, Y/N.” He waved to her bandaged legs. “You’re never going to remember me again, so it doesn’t matter if I rekindle our relationship, does it?”

She took a seat on the edge of his bed to rest her tired legs. He seemed so angry with himself, so much self hate radiating from his person. He was hurting so badly, and she just wished he would let her comfort him. 

For a moment, she wondered if he would let her hold him like before, so he could pretend that things hadn’t gone wrong, even for a short time. Put his mind at ease if only for a short while. Y/N refrained from saying anything, though. Physical touch was probably one of the worst things for him right now, especially from her.

Instead, she meditated on what he said. She sat there fiddling with her fingers, trying to figure out what to say to him, anything that would make the situation easier for him. All she ever wanted was to make life easier for others, and if her way of doing so was being kind and thoughtful toward these worn shinobi, then that is what she would do. 

She leaned back on her hands and let out a soft sigh, words surfacing in her brain that might just do the trick. “Kakashi, do you want to hear something that might bring you hope?”

“Whatever,” he brushed off, not thinking anything she could say would make the situation better. He’d tried for a month to make things better and nothing was working. 

“I’ve been having dreams. Dreams of the past, dreams of memories that I have forgotten. When I look through photos, new images appear of people that I used to know,” she told him softly. “Tsunade says that means I’ll regain my memories with time, it’s just taking a bit longer than we had hoped. She thinks I can get everything back. The girl that you used to know.” 

He stood there for a moment, just processing what she said. He could feel his heart beat a little faster in his chest, and he lifted his eyes slowly to meet her own. She always had such soft, gentle eyes, even now. “Do you have any dreams of me?” He was hesitant to ask, but she gladly nodded. “What do you remember?”

“Well, it’s mostly just snapshots here and there of you and everyone else. Short little tibbits of what life used to be like. I know Yamato has wood nature jutsu because in one of my dreams he had summoned this ginormous tree. I know there is a younger guy with the most yellow hair I’ve ever seen. I know that you have a red eye under the headband, but I don’t know what it’s for,” she explained, listing off some examples of things shehad dreamed of. 

He hummed. “Firstly, you’re right about Yamato. He’s actually the only one alive who can use that jutsu.”

“Really? That’s interesting. Is that why he’s head of the...uh, that group? The ones with the animal masks?” she asked, feeling foolish at her lack of knowledge.

He let out the tiniest of chuckles, just a hint of one. “It’s actually ANBU, but good on you for knowing about them. And it’s not just because of his wood jutsu, he is also a very skilled and strong shinobi. He is a good team leader,” he explained. For a moment, he almost found it fun to listen to her struggle to remember things and then help her out. He noticed the way her nose crinkled when she was thinking especially hard about something, and god, it reminded him of before. He felt his heart thawing with each look her way. 

Kakashi shut his front door and walked over to the other side of his bed. He took a seat against the wall, kicking out his legs. He was beginning to relax. “And about the yellow haired kid? That’s one of my students, Naruto Uzumaki. He’s a handful, but also a very talented, determined shinobi.”

She mouthed the name to herself a couple times, trying to memorize it. It sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t be too sure. A lot of things sounded like she should remember them, and she couldn’t exactly figure out which were right.

“And your red eye?”

“It’s a long story, and we won’t go into it. Simply put, this eye is called the sharingan. It’s a special dojutsu that only members of the Uchiha clan possess.”

“So you’re part Uchiha?”

“No. That’s the part I’m not gonna get into,” he brushed off her question. That was something that he really did not want to discuss again. He’d already told her the story once, he didn’t need to do it a second time, even if she had amnesia. When he looked over at her, she looked so familiar. Her eyes were filled with happiness, and he noticed that her lips were curled up into a sweet smile. “What are you happy about?”

She shook her head and turned her head to hide the upward curl of her lips. She was just so glad, her whole body felt warmer because of it. “Because you are being nice to me and explaining things. No one really explains things to me, they just skip around stuff usually,” she confessed as she tapped her heels together. 

He could only shake his head at that. “You deserve to know at least the basic stuff, just until you get your memory back.”

“Hmm? You’ll explain any of my memories? Like any of them?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Oh, yeah, well explain this dream I had.”

“Shoot.”

Her smile took a mischievous turn, and he definitely noticed the change. He could only imagine what she was about to ask. “I’ll give you a hint...I know what you look like completely naked,” she giggled, falling back on the bed and covering her face with her hands. 

“And you call me the pervert…” he sighed, crossing his arms behind his neck. Her laugh, it was like music to his ears. No matter what she could say, he was just relieved to feel her beside him, gleaming with a happiness he missed for nearly a month now. 

“I really had a sex dream about you the other night, but you can imagine my confusion. I was like, what the hell, I don’t even know the guy,” Y/N laughed, “It all makes sense now.”

He rolled his eyes at her sense of humor. Things felt so normal, like before. He felt his chest grow warm at the feeling. Kakashi’s  lips cracked into a grin under his mask, not that it mattered to wear the mask. She already saw his face in a dream, it seemed kinda pointless if they were alone. 

Maybe he would let things go back to normal. Maybe he would talk to her more, and let her visit when he was home. Maybe he could go to her store when she waved to him instead of running away like a coward. Maybe he could let himself be happy, despite his faults, despite what happened to her. The wounds could be mended, he decided. 

He just couldn’t help but be selfish and let her back in.

[bookofmirth]

So I initially deleted this because I didn’t want to get into it, but I also think the question is genuine and I wanted to explain my thinking. CW for emotional and physical abuse and sexual assault.

I am tagging @silverlinedeyes​ because this ask concerns them and I don’t appreciate being vagued, whether it’s a blogger or someone answering an ask that mentions me. I try not to vague other people and I’m not perfect but... just getting this all out in the open.

So I can’t speak for everyone who was upset at the initial post comparing Ianthe and Gwyn. Personally, I kind-of grimaced and was mostly confused about what in the world they could possibly have in common and why such a comparison would be necessary. As people, they are fundamentally different. And to me, the comparison is incredibly thin. Eye color and priestesses? How many priestesses have that eye color? And to use that to connect them to a creature we’ve only read about in two sentences in the whole series, a creature we’ve never actually seen on page and know next to nothing about? Basically, the intention or purpose behind the comparison didn’t make sense to me.

Now I’ll be perfectly transparent - I didn’t read the whole post because I could tell that it wasn’t for me. I also didn’t go around vaguing it. It was mentioned in some asks that I got and I tried to limit my commentary on that post and focus on the comparisons I had made, intentionally. Because 1) I can’t speak from the position of a SA survivor, and those are the people that post concerned, and 2) I didn’t fully read it, and 3) I don’t want to vague people! This fandom is divided enough. I know I made a joke after acosf came out how we are all having separate, loud conversations in the same room and refusing to acknowledge the other conversations while somehow responding to one another. And it was kinda funny at first, but now it’s exhausting.

To me, comparing Ianthe, who is universally reviled as a r*pist, and Gwyn, who we know is a SA survivor, is unnecessary. That’s pretty much what it comes down to. Why do we need to do this? What is it telling us about any of the characters? About relationships? I know a lot of people found it anything from distasteful to downright offensive, and while I think that just about anything is fair game when it comes to fictional characters, I also personally think that the intention behind the comparison was confusing. I just personally don’t understand why we would need to talk about those characters in the same breath. What purpose does it serve? Someone who can speak from the position of a SA can please feel free to add on, if comfortable!

The reason that I compare Az and Tamlin is to analyze them as people, as characters, because I see a lot of similarities in who they are on a (currently) fundamental level - their anger, their loneliness, their attempts to restrain their destructive impulses. These are major parts of who they are as people and how they interact with the world. There were red flags present in acotar that I recognized from my personal life and that I can now see in Azriel. Frankly, it concerns me that people see Tamlin as a completely irredeemable villain, while not recognizing that Azriel shares some of the same personality traits. 

Comparing a r*apist and a SA survivor is an unequal comparison. Emotional and physical abuse, on the other hand, tends to be generational. I’m not an expert on a professional or academic level, but I did a quick search on my university’s database, and found this from “Interrupting the Intergenerational Transmission of Violence”, and please note that these lines were the context or background - this article didn’t set out to prove these statements to be true, they are already commonly accepted knowledge and so their research was looking to solve the problem:

Children exposed to domestic violence are at increased risk for a wide range of emotional and behavioural disorders. Conduct disorder, in particular, may ultimately lead to the perpetration of further domestic violence in the next generation. Parental characteristics such as warmth and positive attributions may mitigate the risk for intergenerational transmission of violence.

I think that as a fandom, people really, really tend to mischaracterize Azriel. It bothers me. He’s not soft. I’m sorry, he’s just not. We have multiple examples of him being described, using words like “rage”, “cruel”, “temper”. One of the first posts I ever made in this fandom that got a lot of attention (over four years ago) was trying to correct these mischaracterizations. They keep happening.

There was an icy rage in Azriel I had never been able to thaw. In the centuries I’d known him, he’d said little about his life, those years in his father’s keep, locked in darkness. (ACOMAF)

One moment, Azriel was seated. The next, he’d blasted through Eris’s shield with a flare of blue light and tackled him backward, wood shattering beneath them. “Shit,” Cassian spat, and was instantly there— And met a wall of blue. Azriel had sealed them in, and as his scarred hands wrapped around Eris’s throat, Rhys said, “Enough.” (ACOWAR)

Az didn’t answer. I held his gaze, though. Held that ice-cold stare that still sometimes scared the shit out of me. (ACOFAS)

Az had a vicious competitive streak... quiet and cruel and utterly lethal. (ACOSF)

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper (ACOSF)

These are just a few of the examples, but we can also think about acofas when he gets angry at dinner thinking about how his mother was treated as a servant, when he can’t handle being around people who are happy on Solstice. I could make a whole post but I’m kinda sick of talking about Azriel at this point.

I have experienced an emotionally abusive relationship much like feylin was. I made myself so small, for years, because this person’s anger and anxiety and grief took up so much space in the world. I felt like I had to overcompensate, to not make them feel jealous if I was having a good day, and to not take on my negative feelings if I had a bad day. So I just stopped feeling things. For years. It didn’t go well. I’m still dealing with the aftermath. 

I have also witnessed physical domestic violence, as a child. I don’t think I need to explain further than that.

My fanfiction A Loveless Romantic deals heavily with the feylin abuse, and I only feel comfortable writing it because of my personal experiences. I’ve written posts about Nesta and alcohol and another post that I can’t currently find about why acotar is such a good book because it shows us all of those red flags for abuse before many people knew they were red flags. (If I can find it I’ll reblog.) My point is, when I go into analyses and metas like these, they aren’t just an exercise in “oh hey what if?!” It’s “here is my experience with this topic and so here’s how I read this with that background.”

The comparison between Azriel and Tamlin is deeply personal to me, and I didn’t exactly expect to have to disclose my personal history when making it, but when I see people vaguing about how the comparison “hurts people who have experienced abuse”, hi, OP knows exactly what she’s talking about on a personal level, thanks. So I’m going to keep talking about it, because I know what I’m talking about, and it bothers me that people can’t see it in fiction because I worry that they then won’t be able to see it IRL until it’s too late. I’m going to keep writing my “thinkpieces” because this is a topic I know a lot about, it’s important to me, and it’s something that I think a lot of people can and should learn more about.

[supraveng]

Moving On (1/?)

Summary: you have to confront your past....what could go wrong

Characters: former Bucky Barnes x reader, current ?? x reader, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers

A/N:  here is the angsty piece, it will have at least 2 more chapters; does not follow any MCU story line; flashback in italics; attempting an MCU/SPN crossover; let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapters

@mythandmagik​

Pulling up to the compound you weren’t sure what you expected, but surprisingly you were a lot calmer than you had anticipated.  You hadn’t seen most of the team in the 4 years since you moved to the SHIELD office in DC and you were excited but so much had changed.  You took a deep breath and grabbed your bags before exiting the car and heading inside.    

Tony greeted you immediately with a huge hug, it always amazed you how calming his hugs would make you, you pulled away after a quick kiss to the cheek and followed him through the compound.  “Your accommodations are right this way” he told you with a smirk.  “Wow, billionaire, genius and bellhop?  I wasn’t expecting that” you giggled.  

“I expect a good tip” Tony remarked as you followed him to the elevator.  “How about I pay you with kisses from your favorite niece?” you asked as you pressed a kiss to your daughters head “once she wakes up that is”  “That is perfect payment!  She looks even bigger than when i last saw her” he mentioned gazing at her as you all headed out of the elevator.  

“Morgan has been asking all week when you were arriving, I think there is a tea party scheduled for this afternoon”   

“Well, that works for me, I’m honestly surprised she’s still sleeping.  What time is the briefing?” you asked as you headed into the apartment followed by Kevin, carrying your bags, and Tony.   

“About 10 minutess, I can push it back if you need to settle in but I thought you might want to rip the band aid off, so to speak” he smirked.   “No, Kevin will be here with her, I can freshen up quick and be on our way” you smiled as you settled your daughter in the crib Tony had waiting for you.  “GIve me 5 minutes, and I’ll be ready” you headed into the bathroom to wash up quickly.  

Chatting with Tony on the way to the conference room felt like you had never left, you loved working with him and missed seeing him on a daily basis, but you had actually grown much closer to him since you had moved away.   You took a deep breath before entering the room and looked around to all the Avengers eagerly awaiting Tony’s arrival and the start of the meeting.  

“Ok, we can start, Special Agent Y/L/N, will be running the show” Tony announced as he made his way to the head of the table.  You smiled looking around the room, your eyes landing on his before you walked in and got to work.  Clearing your throat you began handing out the briefing you created “this is my surveillance notes for Mr. Dick Roman over the last 4 years, he has various aliases depending on what country he is in, but no matter where he is, he leaves a mess in his path when he leaves”  

“Hold up, you are not coming in here and talking about so whack job, being all Ms Business without even a proper hello”  You chuckled “I’m sorry Wilson, I wanted to get through the briefing so that we can properly form a plan before getting into personal greetings, but if you need a hug Sammy, I am more than willing to oblige” you stated as you walked towards him.  

“Damn right I do” Sam responded while pulling you into a bone crushing hug “and it’s Special Agent now, huh?  Running up the ranks in DC, I see” he winked at you as he placed a kiss on your forehead.  “What can I say?  I guess they like me” you shrugged as you stepped back.  

“And who wouldn’t” Steve quipped as he pulled you into a hug “we all miss you” he whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek.  “Thanks Steve” you turned toward Bucky who was awkwardly standing behind you.  

“Got a hug for me, doll?” he asked almost as if he was afraid of you.  “Of course, Bucky” you hugged him and as soon as he touched you, all the months of incredible memories between the two of your flashed in your mind as if they were just yesterday.  

You took a deep breath before releasing him “you look good, Buck, I like the short hair” you smiled before being pulled into a triple hug with Wanda and Nat. Laughing immediately when they started tickling you.   “Ok, please stop” you squeal.  “And this is why I was wanting to get through the documents first” you shook your head and got back to work.  

It was only about an hour later when you all decided to break for lunch and head to the common area.  You heard crying as soon as the elevator doors opened and knew the inevitable had happened.  Rushing into the room you find Kevin trying to rock Joy in his arms, trying to calm her down.   Reaching over you rubbed her back, when she looked up and whimpered “mama!’  

“I’m sorry, she woke up a few minutes ago and was a bit disoriented, we tried reading a book and singing but she wasn’t having any of it” Kevin told you with a sympathetic smile.  “It’s ok, I figured the new space might be a bit confusing.  You’re ok, right, Joy?” you asked as she climbed in your lap and wrapped her arms around your neck.  Mumbling something in your neck you couldn’t understand, but you heard her sniffles and the attempt to regulate her breathing.  

“It’s ok, mama’s here now” you hummed in her hair as you rubbed her back.  Looking up you came across a variety of faces, some confused, some shocked and some in awe of the sweet moment.   “Sweetie, do you want to meet mommy’s friends?” you ask hoping the change in subject will help calm her down. She huffed a no in your neck and tightened her grip.   

“Oh, but uncle Tony is here and he said that Morgan wants to have a tea party, but you can’t do that clinging to my neck” you told her softly.  She pulled away to look at you “unca-to-ee an mogan uh heew” you hummed confirmation before she slowly turned around to the room full of people watching your interaction. She gasped when she saw Tony “unca-to-ee! An Nat!” she shouted before climbing down and running to her two favorite Avengers.  

“Thank you Kevin. You can enjoy the rest of your day in the city, I got it from here”  you patted his leg and rose from the couch to follow Joy over to the group.  “You’re sure? I don’t mind sticking around” he responded only for you to quirk an eyebrow at him “of course you’re sure, I’m out, call me if you need me” he responded shaking his head at the fact that he questioned you.  

“So, everyone, this is Joy, Joy sweetie, these are mommy’s friends” you told her “can you say hi?”  “Hi fwens” she shouted as she waved at everyone.  “I hungee, can i hav a nack?” she asked as she looked up at Nat.  “Of course you can!  Let’s see what we can find” she told her before sweeping her up in her arms and heading to the kitchen, Wanda and Tony following behind.  Bucky, Sam and Steven were still in a bit of shock.  

“You have a daughter” Steve stated  “She’s adorable, Y/N, she looks just like you” Sam told you with a wink before heading to the kitchen.  “Thanks, she is a handful, but completely worth it” you responded with a soft smile.  

“How old is she?” Bucky asks, almost frightened of the answer.  “She just turned two last month” you smile remembering the fun little party you threw for her.  “So she’s not…” he started to say but trailed off, with a look that you didn’t recognize, not sure if it was relief or disappointment.  

“No, Bucky, she isn’t yours, I would have told you if that was a possibility” you respond softly.  “Sure” he states before looking at his feet.  “Yes, if i was pregnant with your child, I would have told you” you were defensive now, that he would think otherwise.  “I can’t do this right now, I thought we could work together and be civil but I guess I was wrong” you state as you head towards the kitchen hearing him mumble something under his breath you stop in your tracks.  Turning toward him you walk over slowly, as if you were afraid to spook an animal ‘what did you say?  I couldn’t hear you”  He took a deep breath before looking at you “I said go, that’s what you’re good at” And just like that you were transported back to the day when everything in your relationship crashed 

“Doll, we need to talk?” he stated as he sat down next to you on the couch.  “Okay, what’s going on Bucky?”  “I really care about you Y/N, but I don’t think this is working, I think it’s best if we go back to being just friends” he tells you, barely looking you in the eye.  “Oh…. and why the change?  I thought things were good” you respond trying to keep yourself from crying .  “Nothing changed, it’s just not working” he responds again remaining vague and just expecting you to agree.  

“Is there someone else?” you whisper knowing that something had to have prompted him to dump you after dating for the last 6 months, the best 6 months of your life, but apparently not his.  “No, there’s no one else, I wouldn’t do that to you” he tells you reaching for your hand to comfort you but you pull away.  

“Come on Bucky, we’ve been friends for years, I’ve seen the women you’ve been with, I’m not stupid” you spat at him, knowing there was always a prettier woman on his arm the moment he got bored with what you used to refer to as his flavor of the month.  “There is no one else, Y/N, I promise you” he’s nearly pleading with  you to believe him.   You shake your head as you stand up, the tears rolling down your cheeks now, but you don’t care.  

“That’s actually worse, you’d rather be alone than with me” you chuckle humorlessly as you head toward the elevator, you had to get out of here before breaking down completely.  “Don’t touch me!” you screech as he lays his hand on your shoulder.  

“Doll, I’m sorry, but I still want to be friends, we’ve been friends for years, I still care about you”  he tries to console you but at this point you feel so rejected that you want nothing but to get away from him.  

“I don’t care what you want, you certainly don’t care about me” you yell just as Sam, Steve and Nat come in to see what the yelling is about.  “What’s going on?” Steven asked, looking concerned.  

"Nothing important, just your friend getting rid of his latest fling" you bitterly spit out as you glare at Bucky. "Have a nice life Barnes" then you are stepping into the elevator just as Natasha comes in before the doors close.  You start sobbing and she pulls you into a hug.

"What the hell man?" Sam asks as Bucky drops his head and leaves the room.

"You are the one that ended us, don't make me be the bad guy for taking a job out of town to try and get over you" you tell him barely above a whisper.  Bucky looks at you with regret "I messed up, but I find out from Nat that you aren't even in the state any more. I didn't get a chance to fix things, to fix us" he tells you reaching out for you.  

You just shake your head "Fix us? When were you planning on doing that?  Between which supermodel did you even remember my name?" you spat as his eyes widened.  "Not even a week after you were done with me did I have to see you with another one of your flings, so don’t stand there and pretend like you wanted to fix anything.  You got bored, like you always do, and you tossed me aside.”  

“That’s what you think?  I got bored and moved on?” he questioned looking hurt.  “What else am I supposed to think, Bucky?  You gave me no explanation, nothing.  You were just done with me.  So, yes, I took a job at the SHIELD office in DC so that i didn’t have to watch the man I loved parade around all the beautiful women who were just waiting in line for their turn” you tell him as you think back on making the decision to leave all of your friends and colleagues in NY.  

“Loved? As in past tense?”  he questioned.  

“Yes, honestly Bucky, we knew each other for so long that when we started dating, I thought you were it for me.  You knew all my baggage and dirty secrets and you still wanted to be with me, that had to mean something, right?  But it wasn’t meant to be”  you whisper and feel the tears pricking the back of your eyes.  

“We still could, we could start over, I owe you an explanation, but it’s not too late” he tells you, pleading for you to give him a second chance.  

To say you were shocked by his statement would be an understatement, you hadn’t spoken in 4 years and now he wants a second chance but before you can respond, Joy comes running back in the room. “Mama, com on, is yunch time!” she says as she grabs your hand and pulls you toward the kitchen.  

Lunch was more relaxing than you expected, especially after the short conversation you had with Bucky.  This isn’t what you expected today, not that you really knew what to expect but him asking for a second chance after all this time, really surprised you.  By the time lunch was over, Joy had more energy than normal, she was quickly acclimating to her new surroundings and loving all the extra attention.  

Walking over to Bucky after cleaning up your plate “Look, we should talk, but this mission takes priority.  When Roman is under lock and key, you and I can sit down and try to restore our friendship, but until then, we need to remain professional and leave our personal lives out of this.”  Bucky only nodded in return as he watched you pick up your daughter and head out of the room.  

PART 2

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Book Review: The Well at the World’s End

I wanted to take this time to gush about an old and obscure epic fantasy that inspired J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.  The Well at the World’s End by William Morris

Years ago, I wrote a list of fantasy fiction that predated (most of them) Tolkien. You can read that post here. At the time, I was really getting into epic fantasy that was written like Tolkien. I didn’t appreciate Tolkien when I was little but revisited it after college and I wished there was more out there like The Lord of the Rings. I wanted that “old timey” feel like Tolkien. It just hits differently from modern high fantasy. Background: William Morris (1834 - 1896) was mostly known for his textile designs, but he was actually the first person to write what became known as “high fantasy”. Scholars consider him the precursor to Tolkien, and both Tolkien and C.S. Lewis had read his work during college and were inspired by him. Before The Well at the World’s End, Morris wrote The Story of the Glittering Plain and The Wood Beyond the World. I had read the latter before reading The Well at the World’s End. While The Wood Beyond the World was great, it left me wanting more, as it was light and basic. It had a few unanswered questions and the world-building was not strong. The Well at the World’s End is Morris’s magnus opus. Originally published in one volume, it was later published in two. The books are not exactly out of print but you can’t find them in your average Barnes and Noble, or even used bookstore. The most common version, which is the one I own, is part of the Ballantine Adult Fantasy Series (pictured above). Story: Everything starts in Upmeads, a small but lush kingdom where nothing much really happens. The four sons of King Peter, Ralph being the youngest, are bored of their lives and wish to go out and seek their fortunes. They ask their father for permission. King Peter agrees, but states that one son must remain to take care of them, the castle, and to ensure an heir. They do this by drawing straws, and unfortunately Ralph draws the shortest one. 

Seeing his brothers leave, Ralph quickly goes back on his word. He sneaks off and ventures into the world to find his fortune.  From there, the story is nothing short of entertaining. There is not so much magic (sorry, no fantasy creatures) as there is high adventure and derring-do. Ralph gets caught up with bandits, two rival towns, a mysterious woman rumored to be immortal, and a quest for the fabled Well at the World’s End (which is always written in all-caps to remind readers like in a Zelda game). And you will definitely see the influences it had on Tolkien with a horse named Silverfax and a character named Gandolf.   Out of context, it might sound like a stereotypical fantasy novel, but I still found myself surprised by all the ups and downs throughout the story. There is one moment in the book that hands-down shocked me. I thought it was going one way but it went another. The thing about this book that broke the mold for fantasy was Morris’s world-building. Until this book, hardly anything before had a fully developed fictional universe. There was no such thing as “world-building” back then. Fantasy tales were typically one-off stories with, at best, vague backstories. Keep in mind - this was published in 1896. Lord Dunsany would not enter the scene until the 1920′s. The fact that such an entertaining story has become so obscure is practically a sin.  One thing that struck me about this story was that it felt oddly...progressive for its time? The mysterious woman aforementioned is often caught in the middle of men and women who hate her and judge her, essentially “slutshaming” her. Ralph instead hears her out, passes no judgment, and kindly protects her. Throughout the story, she is constantly plagued by what I recognize as “nice guys” - knights who vow to protect her but then turn against her the moment she refuses their advances. There is also a later scene with natives described as “swarthy”. They are in no way depicted in an offensive manner and in fact live peacefully. The natives claim they have no desire to drink from the great well that grants youth, for they understand the natural order of things and do not covet eternal life. I found that incredibly interesting for a book released in 1896. Of course though, there are still some dated aspects, maybe more intentional callbacks to the chivalrous age, but nothing at all cringeworthy. A quick search on William Morris will show you that he was a diehard socialist and interested in a utopia, so some of those ideals definitely bleed into his fictional world. Prose: This is probably the one thing that might deter modern readers. Morris’s writing style hearkened back to medieval times. It is written as if you were reading something like Mallory’s Le Morte d’Arthur. There are a lot of archaic words you are going to have to Google. Many of the character speak in a fanciful manner. Despite this, if you take it slow and just relax while reading it, you will be fine understanding everything. Tolkien’s inspiration is evident in Morris’s elaborate description of the journey that Ralph takes. Ralph visits cozy hamlets and men of the cloth, converses with many side characters, and Morris goes into great detail about the people who live in the cities and their buildings and the surrounding landscape.  There were really only two parts of the story I did not understand, so I had to reread slowly to get it. The characters and the narration have a roundabout way of describing what happened. But the funny thing is I found much of the dialogue to be very quotable. Something about that felt modern too. The writing was intentionally archaic but the witty banter made it feel modern.

Verdict: Oh my God. There is virtually nothing wrong I can say about this book. This surprised me. I love reading old and obscure things but have definitely felt their age. Sometimes they’re clunky and other times they simply did not age well. Usually these old novels that broke the mold and started a new genre were more concerned with the genre itself than the story. Not with this. I ate it all up from beginning to end and it was beautiful and breathtaking. It really feels like a precursor to Tolkien. If you are a fantasy fan in the same vein of Tolkien, PLEASE give this a read. You will not be disappointed. And go look for more of Morris’s work! I’m pretty much sold after this and The Wood Beyond the World, so I’m set on reading everything he wrote. The best part? William Morris’s work is all in the public domain. You can go ahead and read The Well at the World’s End here! On a personal note, some things in this story (and in The Wood Beyond the World) really felt eerily similar to the fantasy stories I attempted (still attempting) to write when I was a teenager. Ralph’s quest, the heroes he meets, and his romance eerily mirrored my own OC Adder and his quest. Do you ever get that weird feeling that a historical figure was you in a previous life? I got that vibe from William Morris. Then again, the irony about being a writer is that not reading anything ensures you will write something that has already been done. The more you read, the more you are aware of tropes that have already been done again and again. Maybe I was a bit of a Ralph myself in my younger days. The trope of a young lad bored with his provincial life seeking to make a name for himself and help others is an age-old tale.

[warriorsfireandwater]

Was linked to your Crow/Night/Breeze analysis (from a comment on a Nightcloud MAP on YT) and wow I needed this in my life. I haven't actually read PO3/OOTS in forever so the doc citing specific passages is really great. Also, this reminded me of a long-standing pattern I've seen in the fandom, so I hope it's alright to share my thoughts on that. Trigger warning: abuse though. Please just delete this ask if it'd be too triggering for you to read!

Looking at it now, the whole "Nightcloud pushed Breezepelt into hating Crowfeather" myth in the fandom really reminds me of the "parental alienation syndrome" myth in real life. If you've never heard of that, basically it's supposed to describe a phenomenon where one parent manipulates a child to hate the other parent. I don't doubt that that sort of dynamic can happen, but the "syndrome" is not actually backed up by medical science, and it is frequently used to discredit accusations of abuse by claiming that the non-abusive parent is just lying/brainwashing the abused child. I know all this because my own mom was accused of it after I cut off contact with my abusive father in my teens. It's not good.

Between this, and other arguments I see in the fandom a lot like "Squirrelflight just needs to stop pushing Bramblestar's buttons" or "DustFern is fine and not grooming because they didn't officially become mates until she was a warrior", it's really disturbing how the fandom seems to replicate real-life abuse myths in discussions of these fictional relationships. Of course, it's even more disturbing that the authors write this stuff in the first place, often seeming to not even realize it's wrong despite it being really realistic (Tallstar's Revenge makes me cry bc Tallpaw has the same emotions/reactions as I did as a kid) and I don't blame kids for not picking up on it. But I'd have hoped that adults in the fandom would know better and not perpetrate these myths that harm abuse victims in real life...

Thank you for sending a message and I'm glad it resonated with you! <3

The thing with parent alienation is it's commonly done by the abuser to alienate a kid from their other parent. I actually experienced this growing up - my parents were divorced and my mom was abusive while my dad wasn't. She did use a lot of tactics to try and get me to turn on my dad. I'm glad you were able to cut off contact! (I did the same as well in my situation.)

Yeah, there is a really poor understanding of abuse in the fandom, which, to be honest - I do fault the Erins for! They have created a lot of really terrible relationship dynamics that showcase abuse, grooming, and neglect, but they themselves don't ever recognize it as such and instead present these relationships as good or neutral. A lot of the fandom has grown up consuming these books and most people take what the authors give them at face value (because they were kids!). Many people haven't reread the books in a long time, and rely on their memories (which are much less critical when you're taking content at face value and vaguely remembering it from 5 years ago) and fan collective memory/attitude for their perspectives on characters and relationships. This was really my biggest issue with the Night/Crow debates - no one ACTUALLY was talking about what really happened in the books. And what happened is... not that much!!!!

It's definitely much more hurtful when adults perpetuate the abuse myths, though. That ESPECIALLY counts when it's content creators who make inaccurate portrayals of what happened and continue reinforcing the collective fan mis-remembering!

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

[snarkwrites]

ssw | embry call; he looks down. she looks up.

NOTES:

I preface with the following.. I am not a medical professional. I have never had any kind of amnesia, temporary or otherwise. So.. yeah. Anyway.. the tldr here is this idea came to me and it’s weird and i didn’t know what to think of it at first but honestly, having written it out now I kind of like it? And I think it’s gonna be a short series... kinda? Allow me to elaborate.. normally, for the ssw prompts I use like 3 or four six word sentences as ideas / parts of the oneshot, etc but with this one, I think I’m going to use one for each part because I did that with this one and I like the way it came out?  Since I had four other equally good prompts chosen for the doc I started with him, I’m just gonna use the rest of those to kinda continue this? To an extent?

Anyway, enough rambling. 

PROMPTS:

Taken from [ here ] or [ here ]. 

Inspiration / prompt used here was He looks down. She looks up.

FANDOM/CHARACTER:

Twilight / Embry Call x Imprint!OC, Merisa.

WARNING:

Amnesia tw. Injuries mentioned very vaguely. Beyond that, I guess mutual pining / a kinda slow burn and mentions of a jerk soon to be ex boyfriend.. Embry and this original character are both adults, approx 23-24 years in age just in case anyone’s wondering...

TAGGING:

@kyleoreillysknee​​

OTHER STUFF:

[ faq | request rules | sfw masterlist | tag list doc ]

The last thing I remember is hitting a water pocket. My head bouncing off the steering wheel. The sound of metal groaning and glass shattering before everything went totally black. 

And now, upon awakening, everything is foggy... At first,I can’t remember my name, where I was going or where I came from. I can’t even remember what day or year it is.

When I really started to come to, everything hurt. From the roots of my hair all the way to the tips of my toes. I grimaced as I pulled myself up in bed. My stomach was growling. My eyes darted around the unfamiliar room and the scent of bacon frying only worsened the pronounced hunger I was feeling.

“Where am I?” I muttered to myself as I gingerly made an attempt to slip out of bed. But the second my bare feet connected with aged and cold wooden floorboards, the mild pain I’d been feeling only intensified. When the door to the room creaked open quietly, I was just getting back into bed.

The man standing in the doorway didn’t spark a shred of recognition. God do I wish he did because I like to think that if I even have a type, he has to be it. He kind of looks like a man you’d find gracing the cover of the cheap erotica I read.

At the realization that I’d just remembered something, even if it was something insignificant, I was laughing softly at myself and shaking my head about it. I took a deep breath.

“Uh.. hi.” I muttered finally, just to break the silence and the sudden thickening of the air around us.

He hadn’t broken his gaze or made a step into the room. When I spoke up, he jumped a little as if I’d startled him. My brow raised and I tried again. “Do I know you?”

“Not likely. Not well, I mean...” the guy answered after a second or two of hesitation.

I blew at a strand of hair fallen down in my eye. Dragged my fingers through my hair as I mulled it over. “Okay, let’s try this… How did I get here?”

“How much do you remember?” he questioned, not taking his eyes off of me. Avoiding the question I’d asked. I swallowed hard and really tried to think. Trying to grasp at anything, any shred of a memory.

I remembered the sound of metal groaning. Glass shattering. The icy chill of water as it lapped at my feet. Feeling like I was about to die at any second. My brows knit in frustration and the guy was at my side in seconds. Sitting hesitantly on the bed near me. Close but not close enough for my liking somehow.

I pouted about it for a second or two and pushed it to the side, taking a deep breath. “I was in a wreck, wasn’t I?”

“Mhm. You almost died, actually.”

“I thought so. Okay, now it’s your turn.. Where am I?”

“You’re in La Push.”

The words stirred little bits. Fragments of memory. An older woman with a kind but aging face. The smell of bourbon and a man with long black hair shouting at another woman. Stepping forward like he was going to shove her at any second. A little girl crouched out of sight behind furniture until the older woman picked her up and carried her out. And I knew without knowing somehow that the little girl was me.

I grimaced. Both in confusion and irritation that I couldn’t remember more. Because whatever I’d just recalled felt like it happened a lifetime ago and not recently.

How old was I?

“You remembered something, huh?” he asked, studying me quietly. A look of concern on his face.

“I think… But it doesn’t answer anything I’m wondering at the moment.” I sighed and took a deep breath. Asked another question after a few seconds that seemed to drag on forever. “What’s your name?”

“Embry.”

Another random trivial memory surfaced. The woman  was there again. Introducing me to a group of boys who were all dirty from playing in the mud. I strained to focus. Honing in on the fact that she introduced me to the group as her granddaughter. My name was Merisa.

I cheered a little in triumph, forgetting for just the briefest of moments that I was literally a breathing ball of pain at the moment when I shot up off the bed to pump my fist in the air. Embry’s hand caught on my hips and he managed to keep me from crashing to the floor.

He smiled. A smile so bright that it seemed to bring light to the dullness of the room we were in. A smile, I found myself thinking, I’d give anything to see again.

“Easy. Whoa. The doctor said you’ve got some pretty gnarly injuries.” Embry scolded as he looked down at me in concern.

I nodded. Excited when I opened my mouth and started to babble about remembering my name. Remembering my grandmother and possibly growing up here in town. And on the heels of the happy came the sad.

A casket. A graveside service with gray clouds overhead and a fine mist of rain. Feeling numb and empty. Angry for some reason. This had me frowning. Shaking my head sadly.

“She’s dead.” I muttered the words. Deflated. Numb all over again.

Embry watched me like I was a landmine waiting to be triggered, his brow raising as if something I’d remembered was wrong but he didn’t dare tell me so. Sitting up like he was on high alert. Like he wanted to move closer. To attempt to offer comfort. But he didn’t dare.

A tear rolled down my cheek. I raised my hand and stopped it midway. Taking a few shaky breaths. The night of the accident came flooding back, the gaps filling themselves in as it did. I’d been crying when I left my mom’s funeral. Trying to call my grandmother. But I remembered that she was at a tribal meeting and she didn’t keep her phone turned on during tribal meetings. I must have taken my eyes off the road for a second, tops. The car hit a water pocket and went off the road. Hitting trees and flipping over a time or two before settling at the bottom of a steep hill. Next to water. Someone was pulling me out of my car. I recognized in an instant that Embry had been the one to pull me out. I remembered that he volunteered with fire and rescue.

I went quiet as I finished telling him what I was remembering. Wiping at my eyes.

And then it hit me. I didn’t really know Embry well but I did know of him aside from the fact that he pretty much saved my life the night of my accident... He was also the quiet kid down the street. One of the boys my grandma introduced me to that day.

“I do know you, actually.” I smiled at him softly, wiping at my eyes. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t mention that I knew he saved my life. 

“Yeah, but not well. Kind of why I figured you’d have a meltdown when your grandma asked me to sit with you while she was out.” Embry muttered quietly. Leaning in just a little. His hand raised. A thumb rolling over my cheek as he wiped away another tear. Our eyes met and my breath caught in my throat.

“So we’re at my grandma’s. My old room.” I looked around at the room again and it felt right. From the books piled on my desk, an erotic novel turned face up and open where I’d left off reading to the posters tacked up on the wall. A contrast to my apartment I realized as soon as I started to remember the fact that I lived in Seattle.

I racked my brain trying to remember whether anyone there would be worried or missing me. I felt like there was someone waiting back there, but at the same time, I felt like maybe being here was better than being there.

Like whoever it was that might be waiting was someone I wanted to get away from.

“Greg called.” Embry spoke up after a second or two. He dragged his hand through long black hair as he held my gaze. A slightly irritated look on his face at even mentioning the guys name. “He wanted me to make sure I didn’t forget to tell you.” Embry chuckled at this, going quiet again.

When he said the name Greg, the mental image flooded my mind and my previous thought about someone waiting in Seattle proved correct. Greg was my boyfriend and honestly, he was a bit of an asshole. Uptight and moody. A bit on the controlling side under the guise of ‘this is for your own good’. I immediately started to remember a huge fight we had because apparently, he wasn’t happy about me coming back to the reservation for my mom’s funeral. Leaving him. But he refused to come along with me because to quote him “It’s not my type of thing.” and “I’m not good at emotional stuff, Mer.”

 I grumbled and shrugged. “I’m not in the mood to talk to that bag of dicks.” I muttered, brushing it off. More concerned with my own current situation than I was with calling Greg to check in. It wasn’t as if he’d magically care enough to come anyway, he hadn’t come back with me for my mom’s funeral. The thought left a bitter taste in my mouth because I remembered several instances in a rush. All of them were me, giving up something I wanted because Greg insisted on it.

,, Christ, why am I even with this mega asshole? I mean.. My grandma lives next to the literal embodiment of sex...” the thought had me perplexed because I didn’t remember enough to really pinpoint a good reason. Something told me that may or may not be a blessing in disguise. From the little I was able to recall about Embry, I found myself wondering why I wasn’t with him or someone like him instead.

Seattle must have changed me a lot. And apparently, not for the better. Why had I even left La Push to begin with?

And then I remembered.. My mom met another guy and we wound up moving to a military base in Seattle. And we moved around so much that I never really got to spend much time with my grandma because we were too far away to make the trip back and too broke to afford it. So leaving La Push hadn’t ever been my choice.

“Yeah, he seemed like an asshole.” Embry muttered, his gaze settling on his legs. The tension between us was so thick I almost couldn’t breathe. My breath actually caught in my throat for a second or two and desperately, I tried to come up with something to say. Anything.

“I smelled food…” I muttered quietly. Looking down just as he looked up after I’d said it. He chuckled. “I was wondering when you were going to get around to mentioning you’re hungry. Your stomach’s been growling for a while now.”

My cheeks heated up and I bit my lip, nodding. Embry stood and eyed me for a few seconds. “Do you think you can make it?”

“I don’t know..” just the thought of even trying to stand again given my amount of pain had me tensing a little. Quickly and gracefully, Embry grabbed hold of me, scooping me into strong arms. Carrying me down the hallway and into the dining room. He sat me down in a chair and made his way into the kitchen.

He came back out a few minutes later with a plate full of food. I eyed it hungrily and he sat down, taking a sip from a glass of orange juice. I dug into my food and more than a few times, I felt the weight of his stare. At one point, it prompted me to look up and meet his gaze, both of us laughing.

“What?” I asked, swallowing the bite I’d just taken.

“You act like you haven’t eaten in years.” Embry replied, giving me a teasing smirk as he spoke.

“I haven’t eaten anything this tasty.” I replied, wiping at my mouth because I felt syrup on the corner. “Sorry, this is good. So good.” I groaned through another big bite. Promptly almost choking.

With a chuckle, Embry reached over, patting me between the shoulders until I stopped coughing and when our eyes met again, he teased quietly, “Can you stop trying to die on me?”

I gulped. Getting lost in his eyes and almost not managing the nod I gave in response. “Yeah.” I muttered quietly. That tension I felt before only grew thicker. Mostly to ease it and try to keep a conversation going, I took a slice of bacon and held it out to him. “C’mon. Eat a little. I feel bad, sitting here pigging out and you’re not eating.”

He eyed me and took the bacon. Biting into it as he answered, “I ate earlier.” and shrugged it off. 

The door to the house opened and my grandmother stepped inside. Dropping everything to rush over and give me a tight hug. I hugged back just as tight. “Ouch yikes.. Grandma…” I muttered. She laughed sheepishly, pulling away. Looking at me and wincing as if she felt my pain.

“At least you’re alive.” she mused. “You can stay here while you heal. I’d rather you stay here while you heal.”

I nodded, happy to agree to it. If I were to go back to Seattle, I didn’t see Greg being much help at all. Besides, I thought to myself, La Push is home. I never wanted to leave to start with.

Embry was silently making his way towards the door and my grandmother stopped him. “Thank you for sticking around today, Embry.”

“It’s not a problem. If you need me, I’m right down the road.” he answered, giving my grandmother a smile. As he said it, we locked eyes all over again. I shuffled my feet. But I didn’t look down or away. I was getting lost in his eyes all over again.

Almost as soon as the door was closed behind him, my grandmother turned her attention to me. Lecturing me about my choice in men. Filling me in on the fact that apparently my ‘lover’ couldn’t be bothered to come and see that I was safe or even alive but damned if he wasn’t calling every ten minutes demanding me to call him back. Irritated because my grandmother apparently told him at one point if he wanted to talk to me so badly, he knew where I could be found. “He’s a bum.”

I sighed and nodded. Dropping my gaze to the glass of orange juice in front of me. “I know. I wish I could remember what the hell made me choose him…”

My grandmother eyed me in concern. After going through a long list of questions, noting the ones I had trouble recalling easily for my follow up with the hospital, she sighed. “At least you remember enough. And you’re still with me. If I lost you that night…” she paused.

I got the feeling that she wasn’t good at emotional things either. But unlike Greg, she did manage to show she cared in her own way. 

“But you didn’t. I’m going to be alright.” I reassured her and she nodded. When the phone rang, we shared a look at let it keep ringing.

“If you want to talk to him, Merisa..”

“I think I’d rather focus on myself and healing for a change. Getting my whole memory back. I get the feeling if I talk to him, it’s only going to stress me out.” I admitted after a long pause.

The phone went silent.

My grandma cleared away the dishes and found the crutches that the doctor had given me to use in the aid of getting around. Then she went over all the things the doctor told her about my injuries and the healing process.

“What about my memory?” I asked, curious. Anxious to know what I might be up against. Grateful that I remembered the most basic things about myself that I kind of needed to know.

“The doctor thought you might have some memory loss. I believe he said it would be short term because of the side of your brain the injury occurred in? With a little time and patience you’ll be fine.” my grandmother slipped an arm around me and then added in a more thoughtful tone, “Maybe the parts you don’t remember clearly are a blessing, yeah?”

I eyed her, considering what she said. She might not be entirely wrong…

“Embry’s always been a kind young man. Quiet. Respectful.” my grandmother mused after a few seconds of quiet. I gave a soft laugh and muttered, “Yeah. He seemed like a good guy.”

I won’t bother lying.. I hope I see more of Embry while I’m staying here at my grandmother’s… Something tells me I definitely will...

[lavenderek]

Why were you disappointed by the Howl's Moving Castle movie? I think I read the book years ago, but I don't remember much about it

i'm gonna critique the gibbly movie and it's my understanding that it's a special movie for a lot of people so if that's you feel free to skip this one

so i was delighted and enchanted by the book, which has only twice to date not made the movie a devastating letdown, so my dear friend sending me this book was pretty much signing a contract in her own blood accepting that i would be cranky about the movie. i'm not really a ghibli person either, like i can appreciate the artistry and value in them, and i'll watch it if the people i'm with really need to watch princess mononoke or whatever, but i just don't go out of my way to watch them. (i like reading meta about spirited away, though.)

i did go out of my way to watch this one because i loved the book so much.

it's important to remember the culture in which the movie was made as opposed to the culture in which the book was made. howl is welsh, if that says anything to you. (his name is howell, and he adopted the name howl to run from himself and seem more magical. i love him and movie howl had none of those elements except for when he told us he was a coward and i was like. ok lol, i'll jot that down because i didn't see it in the text)

so i'm not necessarily surprised by the creative changes they made, but i am confused, because those changes drastically affect the characterization, the character motivations, and the pacing of the story.

(i also was only able to get my hands on the dub and i loathe and detest christian bale as howl lmfao but that's subjective)

so first of all, does movie sophie, like, want anything? she's flawless as a character. even though she has a completely different personality as an old lady than she does as a young lady, there's nothing wrong with her. everybody is fond of her, she's shy, she's gentle, she's beautiful, and she's kind, and her only motivation in the whole movie is this vague desire to cure the curse, but even then she doesn't work on it much at all. her life before howl is about being buffeted around like a leaf in the wind, and her life after howl is about being buffeted around like a cow in a twister. sophie in the movie is a blank slate. she is insecure about her looks (seriously, they couldn't even give her like a crooked nose or something, only doll-faced, thin, pale women over here), and her confessing this and crying about it for about four seconds was the first truly deep emotional response i had seen of her. i cried when she cried, who doesn't grapple with feelings of inadequacy? then the kid came out and she was like, okay, i'm done being upset now :)

second of all, howl is a little eccentric, but mostly he's just a glorious gentleman who has a messy room and one (1) overly dramatic depressive episode. it was disturbing to me as a viewer because it was violent and came out of nowhere, and it never comes back again lmao. it was so bizarre, he's introduced as this suave, debonair man in a cape, and he stays that way the entire movie, except for a weird moment in the middle where he screams at sophie naked and then lists the character flaws that we the viewers have never witnessed. why does he like sophie? why does sophie like him?

why did they turn michael into a child? i just don't see what that added to the story lmao. i get them taking out the complexity of secrets involving sophie's decidedly interchangeable sisters and their mystery beaus, it's a lot to fit into a little movie; but like, why did they turn him into a child though lmao

there's a lot of fatphobia in the movie too.

the change that upset me the most, though, was that the element of sophie having the ability to influence things without her knowledge was totally abandoned. like i said, things just sort of happen to her. in the book, her hats are the most lovely because she's inadvertently cast spells on them to make whoever wears them seem alluring or mysterious to people. the witch curses her because she recognizes these little spells and believes sophie's trying and failing to trick her (and also because sophie snaps at her lmao, why is movie sophie only an asshole when she's old? leave my daughter alone).

book sophie unknowingly protects howl by worrying over his cape (which she previously shredded because she got mad at him, i love her), she unknowingly enchants the scarecrow by helping it stand and complimenting it. she does that the entire book. she also starts the book already feeling sort of dull and trapped, and spends the story trying desperately to solve mysteries and protect loved ones. movie sophie doesn't like, sit around and knit demurely, don't get me wrong; but all the major plot points are things that howl makes happen to her lol.

i think the scarecrow is an excellent representation of book sophie's inner struggles. it's something she inadvertently enchanted, and she doesn't understand it, so she runs from it. she's terrified of the thing. in that way it kind of stands in for her own agency: only when she was forcibly in disguise did she feel free to find out what she wants her life to look like, and that kind of power is foreign and frightening to her. i loved that for her.

and very late in the book, howl reveals that he knew all along she was under a spell, that he tried to get rid of it out of curiosity (book howl doesn't seem to notice that he's just as imperious and nosy as sophie is), but she resisted it. he couldn't get the spell off. so he assumed she wanted to stay that way and let her be about it. so basically it's very huck finn on the raft, she realizes that in running to get away, she was already away. she had that agency all along.

all of that was missing from movie sophie. the idea of her inadvertently hanging on to the curse is still there, we see that she sort of fades back to her young self while she's asleep (not the case in the book, we know this because howl doesn't know what she looks like until she turns back in the end); but she doesn't seem to gain any knowledge about herself because of this. the only time she seems to have any personal drive, it's to learn about and help howl. her inner struggles are about howl. and i hated movie howl lmao, i hated his design and i hated his voice and i hated how like, patronizing he was to everyone around him. book howl was a condescending dick at times and just weird and distant at others, but he never came across like he was absolutely positive he was seducing sophie at any given moment. it was clear that he was the star of the movie and sophie was just the audience stand in to be like 🤩🥸🧐

the scarecrow who is a prince was the most hilariously egregious moment in the entire movie. in the book, the missing prince is introduced as a plot in the beginning and is referenced repeatedly throughout. and he's a major player in the climax. in the movie, it's the last like five minutes of the film and the scarecrow turns into a dapper boy with bread for hair and is like, "you've cured me! i'm a prince who went missing from a nearby kingdom and i was cursed but now i'm free." and i was like NICE, so we just found out there's a nearby kingdom that has a prince who's been missing. love that for us

the book had a lot of themes that i don't often encounter in fantasy novels - themes of female agency, of disguise, and of chaos. the chaos is my favorite part, every chapter is equally chaotic at various levels. you'll have michael fretting over some spell, sophie fretting over her own spell, howl trying to get someone in disguise to fall in love with him, THAT someone pining over michael, and all the while sophie and howl are bickering because she is cleaning (it seems like she cleans to clean up her mind) and he doesnt want her to (he is afraid of change and of reality), and he needs a huge favor of her, and she needs to wheedle out of it, and she promised calcifer she would free him, and calcifer is repeatedly promising to die of not being appreciated enough, and everybody is having three arguments at once. it's like that in every chapter, culminating in the moment howl and sophie realize they're in love, and they stand clasping hands and sort of smiling at each other in the middle of a room full of panicking and perplexed people just yelling over each other lmfao. surrounded by chaos and no longer thrown by it, rooted there in the middle of it, stabilizing each other in a way. i loved that. i actually flipped back a few pages so i could read that moment again.

and it seemed to me that the movie tried to imply that with visual chaos, but everything else was really quite linear and simple. everything was very airy. and since the conflama and the general atmosphere and character dynamics of the book is what made me fall in love with it, the movie didn't work for me.

tumblr user door pointed out that the book and the movie are extremely different and she appreciates them both as separate entities, and she's wise and correct; i knew this and i tried so hard to engage with the movie on its own terms. but i couldn't divorce them in my mind. i felt the same way about ella enchanted and practical magic. i cant stop thinking like, i wish they hadn't gotten rid of x, i wish they hadn't added this weird element of y.

also it was boring. i checked to see how much more was left three times. sorry. i can't express enough how little i cared about the plot with the witch and somebody's secretly evil boss and time traveling to yell at howl or something, because i didn't connect with the characters. and the feathers growing out of howl triggered my weird phobia about things being embedded in skin. i'm skeeved just remembering it.

anyway, yeah. the movie was beautifully animated and whatever atmosphere they were going for was pretty consistent throughout. oh and i LOVED calcifer. he was my favorite in both the book and the movie. in fact, he was the only character in the movie who they didn't really change, he was petty and bitchy in both versions. i loved him. he's like, "SHE FED ME SOMETHING YUCKY" my perfect, horrible boy.

oh and. book sophie was a redhead. that's all.

after i finished the book i tried to draw how imagined them:

couldn't finish it though, i wasn't super jazzed about how it was coming out.

she's sitting in like, a window well altering a coat of his without permission. and he's like, i guess i'll have to wear this one instead, and she's like, i guess you will

[radishaur]

some zuko fluff pls :)

Zuko fluff coming your way! I hope this is new and creative! :)

•••

Secret Tunnel (Zuko x Reader)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Part: 1/1

Summary: Zuko and you get lost traveling through the Earth Kingdom and stumble upon the Secret Tunnel

•••

“Zuko, I don’t think this is a good idea,” you said, your nerves getting the better of you as you stood at the entrance to the mountain.

“This is the fastest way! I’m not going all the way around when there’s a path right here!” he argued, his forehead wrinkled and eyebrows knit.

“Do you even know where you’re going?” you asked him indignatly, your arms crossed as you glared up at him.

He glared back at you, his eyes melting into your own as he stayed silent, the tension thick between the two of you. You guys had been traveling aimlessly and it was his reckless wandering that had gotten you lost in the first place.

“Do you have a better idea?” he snapped.

“Not going through the dangerous tunnel!” you retorted, your fists clenching and your face growing red from anger.

Zuko rolled his eyes at you and huffed before pouting. He crossed his arms over his chest and turned to look away from you. You scoffed at this; his ability to act like a toddler never failed to surprise you.

“I think you’re just scared.”

“What?”

“You heard me!”

“Why you-“

The sound of scuffling caught your attention and you stopped talking to look into the forest. You gasped, recognizing the signature red suits from miles away. Without another thought, you grabbed Zuko’s arm and booked it towards the opening.

You began wondering why Fire Nation soldiers were this far into the Earth Kingdom. Surely they wouldn’t risk being this close to Omashu? Then again, you really had no idea. It seemed that day after day the Fire Nation became more rash and entitled.

You heard Zuko begin to protest but shushed him quickly, throwing both of you into the dark shadows of the tunnel. You peered out and saw three Fire Nation soldiers looking around for travelers. You let out the breath you had been holding and relaxed, leaning against the cave walls as you calmed your heartbeat.

“Great. Now thanks to your yelling we have soldiers looking for us,” Zuko grumbled as he tugged his arm out of your grip.

“My yelling?” you asked in disbelief.

You two began to bicker when suddenly the ground began to rumble. Out of instinct, you grabbed right back onto Zuko’s arm to steady yourself. This time he didn’t seem to mind, instead pulling you closer as the two of you tried desperately to figure out what was going on.

Just as you were about to run back out of the tunnel’s entrance, the rocks above it came crashing down, sealing both of you inside. Your stomach dropped immediately. Zuko lit a small fire in his palm to light the place up.

“Oh no. We’re gonna die in here!” you exclaimed, still not letting go of Zuko’s arm.

“Who’s fault is that? I believe it was you who dragged us in here,” Zuko said dryly.

You ripped your arm from his and turned to glare at him.

“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO THIS WAY FIRST!”

This was going to be a long day. The two of you walked around in the tunnel for what felt like hours, and probably was. Your legs began to ache and Zuko’s willful determination was beginning to turn into impatient anger.

Eventually, you began to realize that you were going in circles. You kept seeing the same rock structures and the same cracks running up the walls. You groaned, deciding to take a break and sit down.

“We’re never going to get out of here, are we?” you asked numbly, all hope of getting out having disappeared a long time ago.

“We have to. I still have a destiny to fulfill,” Zuko said back.

You rolled your eyes. Zuko and his stupid destiny. Even after failing so many times and becoming a traitor to his own nation, he was still blindly following a path that his father set for him. When would he stop to realize that the people who actually cared about him were right in front of him?

You and Uncle Iroh had been by his side since the first day of his banishment and yet even after three years he couldn’t see it. He was too focused on restoring something that, in your eyes, he had never lost. Honor isn’t something that can be taken, it’s something that you loose on your own.

You sighed, getting back up to your feet and prepared yourself mentally for another 3 hours of mindless walking. Zuko seemed lost in his own thoughts as well, but snapped out of it when he felt me staring. He cocked his eyebrow at me and I waved him off.

“Let’s keep walking,” I sighed.

“Let’s go right this time,” Zuko suggested.

The two of you walked side by side once more as you tried once again to find your way out. You could feel the warmth from the fire lapping at your skin as the time passed. You could tell it was beginning to get late and you would bet that the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon outside.

You shoved those thoughts away when you realized that this was a part of the tunnel you hadn’t been to yet. There was a huge circle opening in the wall that looked like it lead into a ginormous room. Zuko also noticed it and the both of you walked over to the opening to peer inside.

“What is this place?” you asked curiously, taking in all the details you could.

“I don’t know, but it can’t hurt to look,” he said, taking a few steps into the room.

You were more hesitant to follow, afraid that the door would close and you two would we sealed away forever, but eventually you followed after him. Your eyes roamed the area and began taking in all the details. What caught your eye the most was the huge circle in the middle of the room.

“It’s a tomb,” Zuko said in surprise.

You took a closer look and realized that Zuko was right. You also saw little panels that covered the walls of the tomb. Taking a closer look, it seemed like they were telling a story.

“I think these pictures tell a story,” you said, waving Zuko over to take a look.

Begrudgingly, he moved closer and looked at the pictures. You began to read them out loud for both of you, walking slowly along around the tomb to continue reading. Zuko followed after you, keeping a few inches apart.

“Isn’t there a song about this?” you asked, taking a pause from reading.

“Do I look like I would be able to answer that?” Zuko asked in exasperation and annoyance.

You rolled your eyes and continued reading. The story was beautiful but incredibly sad as well. The very first earthbenders, using their powers for love. When you finished reading, you turned around to face the two statues of Oma and Shu with a small smile. You read the plaque that was placed between them quietly.

“Love is brightest in the dark,” you said, voice barely above a whisper.

“This seems like a load of crap to me,” Zuko huffed, effectively ruining your happy moment.

“What would you even know about love? All you love is your stupid honor and capturing a 12 year old boy,” you spat angrily, turning away from him and walking back up the stairs to the enteryway.

Zuko was shouting behind you, but you paid little attention to him. All you could feel was the cracking of your heart as you realized you were in love with a lost cause; someone who would never love you back.

You continued stomping through the tunnel with Zuko angrily running after you. You finally stopped walking and turned to face him when you realized that you wouldn’t be able to get out of there alone.

“What is your problem?” Zuko yelled heatedly as he approached you.

You could see the orange glow from the fire in his palm flickering across his face, highlighting every wrinkle and twitch of his eye. You normally would have laughed at how stupidly handsome he still looked, but right now when you looked at him all you felt was anger.

“Why do you have to be so negative all the time!?” you accused him, shoving your finger into his chest.

Your outburst caught him by surprise and he stumbled back slightly before catching himself. He glared at you as the fire in his hand grew slightly.

“What do I have to be happy about?! I’m a banished, dishonored prince who’s been sent on what everybody thought was a wild goose chase for three years!” he yelled, his anger finally tipping over the brink as he added, “Besides, why are you so happy all the time? I wish you weren’t so happy all the time.”

His words struck you like a knife and before you could even register what was happening, you were shouting back at him.

“You want me to be more negative? Fine! I hate my life and more importantly I hate you! I hate the way you walk all over your Uncle and I. I hate the way you’re so devoted to someone who doesn’t care about you. I hate the way your eyes glaze over with rage when someone even so much as mentions the Avatar. I hate everything! I hate it!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, hot angry tears streaming down your face as you choked on your words, “I hate...I hate...”

You let your legs give out as you crumbled to the floor on your knees. You cried like you hadn’t cried in years, finally letting go of all your pent up emotions. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at Zuko as you finally managed to force out your last sentence.

“But most of all, I hate myself. I hate myself for allowing myself to love someone who couldn’t care less about me.”

You used your left hand to steady yourself on the ground and your right hand covered your mouth to muffle your sobs. You vaguely heard Zuko shuffling in front of you and barely registered when he kneeled down across from you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t...I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” you heard him say.

You wiped away your tears and looked up at him. You met his eyes and saw something in them that you hadn’t seen in a long time. It was almost unrecognizable to you, seeming so out of character for him.

“I really care about you. I know that...well, that I should have done more to show you, but it’s true. You’re so important to me and you do make me happy. I just got so wrapped up in capturing the Avatar that I began pushing you away,” he said softly, his regret evident in the way he spoke.

“I know. It was selfish and rude and hurtful.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so so sorry.”

“...It’s...I forgive you.”

As your words hung in the air, you couldn’t help but notice how close he was. His knees were brushing yours and your faces were a mere few inches apart. You couldn’t stop your breath from hitching as he took your hand into his. You saw him open his mouth to speak before shutting it once more. Finally after a few more seconds, he tried again.

“Did you mean what you said?” he asked, pausing slightly before clarifying, “That you love me?”

You could hear the hesitation in his voice as he spoke. You couldn’t stop the small pink blush that creeped onto your cheeks. You used your free hand to wipe at some stray tears before meeting his eyes. You took a deep breath before answering.

“Yea. I did.”

Something in Zuko’s eyes changed in that moment. It was quick and almost unnoticeable, but it was there. You held your breath and shut your eyes as you waited for him to reject you, but it never came. Instead you felt a hand cup your cheek and then a brush of lips.

It was soft, almost timid at first, but when you didn’t shove him away, it became more present. His lips were warm and slightly chapped from going without water all day, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You kissed back just as passionately and found yourself grabbing onto his neck, gripping onto him like he might disappear when you opened your eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered against your lips.

The sound of it sent a shiver down your spine. It was everything you had been waiting to hear and more. When the two of you finally broke apart, your foreheads were still pressed together.

Zuko’s thumb was rubbing soft circles into your hand and his other hand was still holding onto your cheek. You sighed happily before realizing that there was still light in the tunnel. Both of Zuko’s hand’s were occupied, which meant that he couldn’t have been producing it.

You cracked your eyes open and gasped in awe. All along the tunnel’s ceiling was these beautiful green and blue crystals. They were glowing brightly and were casting a soft glow around the two of you.

“Zuko, look,” you said breathlessly, your eyes never once leaving the ceiling.

“Love is brightest in the dark,” Zuko whispered.

The two of you eventually did manage to find your way out of the cave. Holding hands, you simply followed the trail of crystals until you made your way out. The stars were shining bright and the moon was high in the sky but neither of you could care.

You were both alive and safe and happy. You two had finally even figured out your feelings for eachother.

Perhaps running into the tunnel wasn’t so bad after all, you decided. You two had trusted in love and were better for it.

[captainsspnanon]

C2E14 - Fleeting Memories

More campaign two because I’m sick and sad!  Wooo!

*cuddles under blankets and considers making soup*

Huh, short episode! 3:15, which means more realistically just about three hours excluding the break.

And no Laura, which confirms that they meet the Gentleman this episode!  ...which was kind of obvious because of how the last episode ended, but WHATEVER.

ASHOLEE!!!!!!!

This welcome back Ashley bit is actually giving me feels. XD

ALSO yay for the nat 1 charity push!!!

I love Matt’s ‘don’t you dare’ face and then they still silly string him.  AS IT SHOULD BE

LOL at Taliesin talking about the guns coming back to haunt him.

Molly is so panicked!  Props to Taliesin for the RP, this is fantastic!

Also Caleb totally recognized SOMETHING about the spell-splitter lady from the captial.

Holy shit. Hindsight, Matt really is telling all the story!  We’ve got the Tomb Taker’s individual names, AND the named group! and Vess (not being directly named), we’ve got Lucien dying two years ago, we’ve got the actual tome in question taken by Vess.  GODDAMN Matt!!  You really do just throw all the things out there, and then we don’t get it until 80 sessions later!!

Well, to be fair, there probably were Critters who figured stuff out right away. Starting live with C3 I’m seeing just how much speculating and theorizing starts right off the bat!  Apparently with C2 there were theories about Caleb being a werewolf after the first session???? This is WILD.

Wait, part of the same order?  The Claret Order???  Which is just barely touched on at the end, but I believe is in the books???

Oh man, I am SUPER impressed by Molly/Taliesin here!  The half answers and vague replies make JUST enough sense to work, but at at the same time give nothing! And Taliesin couldn’t have know, he didn’t know his backstory!! Just so fucking impressive

And everyone poking and prodding for more answers because they’re under the (reasonable) assumption that Molly knows this!

LOL poor Matt is like I have no clue what Jester would do, meanwhile Laura talks about how she would have instantly started to chat with him about being blue, and might look for rings on his fingers.  It would be hysterical if she was there and would have started guessing that he was her father right away.

OH GOD THIS FUCKING CREEPY ASS GNOME

GODDAMN BEAU YOU ARE SO DAMN GOOD “no, Demedan was - *clumsy* with his information” GODDAMN I LOVE YOU

It is so interesting to see how the Gentleman behaves this early on, especially compared to AwkardDad!Gentleman that we get later!  I forgot how he really was the perfect blend of charming and intimidating!

Hmmm, I wonder why Cree wouldn’t already have had Lucien’s blood, considering that was basically her talisman for casting, as I understand it.  Well, she also doesn’t appear as obsessive here, so maybe that only started after she brought Lucien back.

Is Sam uncomfortable with this?  Or Nott?  It’s actually hard to tell, I think it might be Sam.

Oh man, how hard this must have been for Caleb!  I wonder if the amulet would still prevent the scrying with blood?

Interesting RP choice from Liam, I think?  Or possible legit nervous habit.  He’s twisting his wedding band.  Doesn’t really work for Caleb as we have no indicator that Caleb wears rings, but possibly a short hand for fiddling with, I don’t know, a wire from the components pouch, or his amulet?  Or I’m reading into this too much and it’s just Liam twisting his ring out of character.

Fjord winning really is amazing, and it’s all just luck.  I love it so much, and it’s 100% unpredictable how it could have played out.

Props to Matt for having the main suspects for the High Richter being Molly and Beau. He doesn’t take a side one way or another in the argument that the party had with Caleb (and rightfully so, let the PCs do what the PCs do!), but with this he adds just a touch of ‘you know you were highly suspicious too’.  Nothing accusatory, nothing even going ‘Beau and Molly were Wrong’ (because again, it’s a PC fight not something for the DM to get involved with), but just a hint of ‘you were seen too, fyi’.  I like it!  It’s a small thing, and it certainly doesn’t UNDO the fight, nor the points that either side had for it.  Just added another little complication into the basket.

15 years working… as The Gentleman?  Or just in the crime market?  ‘Cause Jester’s older than 15!  Hmmm….wish I could remember what he told Jester. AH WELL WILL FIND OUT IN LIKE 100 EPISODES OR SO.

First off, full fucking props to Nott for challenging the Gentleman and picking a good way to do so.  Second, props to Matt for having the Gentleman be totally for it and delighted.  Lastly, FUCKING PROPS TO THE GENTLEMAN FOR DRINKING THE VIAL OF ACID way to get EVERYONE’S respect.

*tries to find the thing that spooked Travis*  Looks like maybe something fell from the light/microphone rigging and knocked a die?

Ugh, I really love Fjord/Travis being the face.  I miss that he took more of a back seat later in the campaign with Beau and Caleb being the face for intense stuff, and Jester and Nott being the face for the less intense stuff. I admit, I just really like smooth talkers in the right situations, and I feel like he covers that so well for the party.  IC, and then just OOC because I really like the way Travis says things.

Interesting, Molly checked to see if Cree had any eyes!  Subtly so, but by Tal tapping his cheek and neck/shoulder area.  That makes sense, it was the only marking that Molly had and was aware of, and it’s the only backstory thing that Tal knows is a thing that he chose.

Lol at Fjord giving the party that failed shit when Travis would be yelping each time. You can almost see it on his face, that conflict of ‘PC toughs it out….NOMATTNOGHOSTSPLEASE…..no man I’m cool, fuck you’

Beau is such as ass and I love her so much for it.

“visit the city” Matt you little shit

Also did we ever find out if the ritual actually failed and why?  I can’t remember! Because Lucien DID die!  Molly was a fragment that somehow came back, but we never really find out why either, right?

Oooof, as soon as Molly implies that one of the Tomb Takers had turned Cree was like wtf no I don’t believe you anymore.  He was doing so well before that!

…..I was not a Widofjord shipper and I think maybe I slowly might be becoming one? Like WOOF that scene where Caleb asks Fjord about the gambling and calculated risks?  THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AS HOT AS IT WAS.

Sam trolling Ashley so hard for not having a detailed reason for Yasha’s disappearances while Ashley was off Blindspotting.

Wait, did they not know Yasha was from Xhorhas???  I could have sworn it came up before. DOWNSIDES OF REWATCHES, not realizing when is the ‘first’ of something if I’m not looking for it.

Year and a half?  I thought she’d only been in the Empire for six months?  Was that something she told Trent?  MEMORY.  I DO NOT HAVE IT.

I kinda miss Beau being a fuckboi.

All this back and forth over the Xhorhasian blade and I don’t think anyone ever uses it.  Yasha gets the Magician’s Judge in this upcoming encounter, and Fjord gets the Summer Dancer after Molly dies, I think.

Oh man, Fjord started fucking with Nott way earlier than I remember him doing so.

“Important note! Laura Bailey has texted in that she hates us all”

Zone of Truth!!! Which is very needed.  Now granted, Molly saying that his first memory was the dirt and then having to correct it to vague memory and being told about it?  I don’t consider that a big deal.  He was flavoring the truth, essentially.  But it’s very interesting to know from Taliesin himself that he didn’t want to share all the things that get shared in this scene.  Which I don’t care, Molly needed to spill.  And I’m glad that he was forced to, because he as a character just LIES SO MUCH, and now???  He still wanted to lie NOW???  Now that everything was here and he acknowledged that it was dangerous?

Oh man, Nott pressing the ‘past life’ bit has soooo many more feels to it with all the Veth backstory.  MY HEART.

Also, Liam is doing a good job making sure to avoid questions to Caleb.  And I say Liam, because it’s him interjecting with the texts from Laura/Jester, and with that plus Caleb’s actual interrogation skills coming slightly into play, he’s managing to avoid any questions to him.

Fuuuuuck you Liam. Beau says “just because you know the past doesn’t mean you have to be beholden to it” AND THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE.  The tiny eyeybrow raise and the scoff.  STOP BREAKING MY HEART.

Seriously, Liam and Laura are the best with breaking my heart in a campaign.

...wait did Caleb just dissociate???  After Beau’s comment and the scoff, he starts just furrowing his brow and looking straight forward, until suddenly after a comment Molly says, he gives a little jolt and starts paying attention again.  LIAM WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  Master of fucking subtleties.

Oddly, this aspect of Molly had me even more against him in first watch through.  I was very much ‘if you don’t care about your past then why should I care or be invested in you as a character’.  I can still understand my way of thinking with that, but I don’t feel that way now.  And that’s heavily in part of the fact that I understand how Taliesin plays now.  When I was first watching, it was also my first time watching any of Critical Role, and I thought that Molly’s dismissiveness meant that Taliesin would actively avoid anything plot related to Molly, and would brush it off and just move on – something that would be really boring and annoying for a viewer. After seeing Cad and Percy, I can look at this and know that Molly may not have it impact him super emotionally (MAYBE), but Taliesin would still be involved with the plot and involved with everything. And even if Molly ‘brushed it off’, he would still have IMPACT with it, regardless of how the impact took.  SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU, TAL.  I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.

Hmmm...when Jester asks about the fortune tellings and he says he sometimes has a tickle in the back of his mind, the phrasing is just peculiar enough that I’m wondering if he’s taking a truth (tickle in the mind) and implying that it means an actual fortune.  Because I’m like 90% sure that’s what he just did.  And I seriously hate that Molly KEEPS FUCKING LYING.  Like, I legit don’t think he stops lying, and it annoys me.

OMG MARISHA SAYS “Come on Patterson, come on” AND I DIDN’T CATCH IT FIRST TIME BECAUSE I DIDN’T ACTUALLY LOOK INTO BLINDSPOT UNTIL MID/LATE C2!!!

I like how Caleb takes a moment to clarify that while he does not shave his butt, his butt isn’t hairy anyway so.

Good scene all around!  Though I do wonder about how Molly saying that he left every town better than he found it worked under the truth spell.  Like, that just feels like a statement that can’t be said truthfully, especially by a con artist?  If you’re conning someone, you might think they deserve it, but you don’t know how you could be hurting them or hurting someone else through them.  I dunno, it’s a good statement, but I feel like it shouldn’t have been under the truth spell.  Like, how did they leave Trostenwald better than they found it?  Alfield, sure.  Zadash, maybe if you want to consider the political thing a positive turn.  But they didn’t do anything to better Trostenwald aside from clean up their own mess, which isn’t ‘better than he found it’.  In fact, they literally killed four people just by being there.  And fixed nothing.  And improved nothing.  Does performing a single show make up for four lives?  I doubt it.  Though maybe it’s just that Molly believed it therefore he could say it?  SPELL TECHNICALITIES.  ...and I’m thinking waaay too much on this, I know that.  I wouldn’t be so hung up on it except for the fact that due to the logic of the world I think we’re supposed to believe it’s 100% true, which I am not really a fan of?

Once again, Molly being a dick by calling Nott ‘frightfully ignorant’ when she professes her own beliefs but says she respects Molly’s view.  Fuck off Molly.  Stop attacking people when you disagree with them. ...And then he literally threatens Nott by saying maybe Lucien killed goblins!!  With a LOOK on his face.  What the fuck Molly?!?!?

Oh huh, I guess Fjord does attune to this blade.  Is this the one that he swallows though? I thought that was the Summers Dance.  

I’m appreciating Yasha a lot more now that I’m more aware of Ashley’s range as well.  Granted, I really enjoyed Yasha, but not until the second half once Blindspot ended and she was there full time.  I’m getting her a lot more now early game because of that prior experience.

Aaaand I now get the whole ‘dagger that comes back to you’ joke

lol wingman Caleb

I feel kinda bad that Beau was never able to become proficient with the darts.  One of the few things where I could see a rule-of-cool rule bending to allow them to be considered monk weapons, but I also understand why not. Then again, I also feel like cat Frumpkin should have been allowed darkvision.

She calls him Grog! *heart*

I love it so much when they are upset when Matt ends the game and beg for more time. IT GIVES ME WARM FUZZIES.

I know that Soft exists.  I like the descriptor of things feeling Soft!  It’s just not a word that’s part of my vocabulary so I don’t think to use it when it would apply.  I should probably start using it.

@suicidallyreckless

[faline-cat444]

Super Giles*:Chapter One-The Wise Decision

*Also known through titles such as Super-Brikke and De Geheimzinnige Benzinepomp

Some of you out there might have seen videos and posts about a book intended for kids of the vaguely recalled plot which is a boy becoming a gas pump.While I did not experience this particular story during my days in elementary school there was something about it that stuck out to me and through observing the other souls hunting for it I did learn a few French copies were still in the wild and managed to acquire one(Technically the title in their language was Super-Gilles).

Considering this book is mainly intended to be read by those around 9-11 years in age/fourth graders it’s a bit more of an effort than some of the other things I’ve tried English-Ing up.Maybe there is still a chance an actual English copy will surface and we will see how similar/different the wording I went with is or while I’m messing with this someone has their hands on one of the copies in another language it’s been recognized to exist in.

As it tends to go for language in general whether it’s two different regions that both know English whether that’s two regions in the United States or pitting the US against Canada,the UK,and/or Australia there’s a bit of your typical language barrier I had to get self-taught and try to figure out an equivalent to.Most obvious being the name of the main character as I’m not sure how you get “Giles” from “Brikke”(Might need to ask a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan if they have the foggiest idea).As of this first chapter the most “major” example of this was the term of “cloche” which can translate into “bell” but specifically in French can mean a silly or clumsy person.I substituted this for “dolt”.Also keep in mind this book was apparently published in...

*punches in the Roman numerals on the publication information page*

1987

This might only be the first chapter so I have no idea what we’re fully in for but judging by the outcome so far...Some book you decided to remember existed,you kooks.

That morning,long before the alarm clock rang.Giles knew it was the big day. He knew what he wanted.

“This is nothing extraordinary,” he mumbled.”A ten-year-old boy knows exactly what he wants.This is no exception…”

For months,he had thought about it.He had his doubts and worries until this moment when his decision became unshakable.It had not been easy.It might be dangerous.But he knew he was going to do it.Today would be the day.

It was therefore impossible for him to stay in bed any longer.

Besides,this morning his room seemed totally different,as if he had nothing more to do there.He ran a finger along the books he had certainly read once,along the many toys he had been tired of for a long time.And he saw nothing he would miss.

In the next room he heard his father.Slowly he opened the door and approached the big bed.His father was laying on his back snoring peacefully,his mouth partly open.His mother put a pillow over her head and therefore was temporarily invisible.

Hesitant,Giles stayed near the big bed.Should he tell them what he was planning to do?But what if they didn’t understand?They might laugh at him.Or worse,they would lock him in his room.Then all would be at a loss!No,better not say anything.Let them find out on their own.If his plan was successful,they could be proud of their son.Giles even started to blush with pride.Silently,he left the room.

At school,the hours passed even slower than usual.It was a pure waste of time.Sometimes,the teacher’s voice became so vague Giles would zone out and begin to daydream,thinking about later,when he would…

“…Isn’t it so,Giles!” The teacher’s booming voice brought Giles back to earth.What was this man with his tiresome numbers talking about again?And what was with all the idiots chuckling around him?

Saved by the bell.Giles gathered his books and hurried…

“Hey,Giles,you come to play soccer?” Giles acted as if he heard nothing.”Hey,dolt,I’m talking to you.” A long and flabby boy insisted.

“Leave him be,” his friend interrupted,”he never want to play with us!”

“His mother forbids him,”another mocked.And then the whole group chanted maddeningly “Dimwit,dimwit!” and “Giles is a little mama’s boy!”

Without a glance,Giles followed his path,like someone who knew where he was going,straight to the point.This feeling of excitement took hold of him again and Giles accelerated his pace.Straight ahead,at the corner on the right to the traffic light and then…

His heart beating wildly,Giles stopped in front of a shiny gas pump,lacquered in red and yellow.Up above hung a gigantic panel with large square letters.Aloud and with a certain respect,he read the inscription,as he did every day he came here:SELF-SERVICE.

For a few months ago,Giles had discovered that Self-Service was a very special gas pump.Not at all like the silly pumps you find at gas stations.Those wait patiently for the pump attendant to come out of their glass cage to make them work.Self-Service did not need anyone.The glass cage behind it with its dirty and misty windows was empty and closed.It was completely unnecessary.Self-Service existed by itself.It stood along the road like an I and looked dignified.It even had a slight air of defiance,which Giles was a bit jealous of.The brutal honk of a car’s horn knocked him out of his state of admiration,he stepped aside to allow a large black car to approach the pump.The driver got out,took a few dollars out of his wallet and slipped them into the vending machine on the pump.

“Self-Service must be very rich.” Giles thought.

The man unscrewed the gas tank cap,took the pistol from the pump and placed it in the tank.

Self-Service immediately began rumbling.The pump began to live!Inside you could hear a continuous dull snoring,counters began to run,a lamp flashed,and one could hear a very distinct DING-DING-DING.At the same time it spat out a continue stream of gasoline,until it had enough.The driver looked disappointed at the last drops and returned the pistol to its place.For Self-Service,the business was settled,motionless and straight as a candle,waiting for the next customer.

The pump didn’t give gasoline to just anyone.A couple times Giles would see drivers in too much of a hurry did not receive a drop,even if they inserted several dollars.The insults,prayers,and beatings were useless,Self-Service remained intractable.When the black car was gone, Giles approached the pump.He stroked it with his hand and placed his ear against its stomach.Very deeply he felt his heart beating.

“I will become like you,” he whispered.A slight rumble ran through Self-Service.And instead of going home like previous days,Giles roamed the city in all directions,until he arrived on a beloved main road he didn’t know.He followed this road for several miles until he was exhausted.One last time,he looked around cautiously and with a broad movement he threw his bag into the bushes.He took a few more steps and finally stood where he felt he should be,right near a busy road.He stood there,straight as a candle,immobile,feet against each other,head upright,with a sincere yet slightly vexing gaze in his eyes.

Because since this morning,Giles knew exactly what he wanted to be…A gas pump. Slowly, he brought his right hand to his head and thrust two fingers into his ear.