zentrodada

[noxtivagus]

🥹🫶🏼

[brookiidookiii]

after rewatching island heres my tierlist for them

B is for i like them and C is more like 'i dont HATE them but i dont care about them' and D is just for actively dislike lol.

the best ships of the season are duncney and lesheather no one can change my mind

[her-canine-teeth]

sugar water by flower face

[astralmarionette]

im currently writing an atsugawa (I hate the name shin soukoku or whatever I'm sorry but I'm actually not. also I cannot pronounce soukoku {this is the real reason I don't use soukoku}) and I don't even ship it lmaoo

[waywardsalt]

very freeing to actually own up (to myself) abt post-ph being an au. now i can make a little list of the little ways it deviates from leading to st

[ppulverse]

how can some people be so heartless lol

[dokjaism]

.

[damagedcoda6669]

hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3

ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p

there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^

u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!

1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.

2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.

this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.

3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.

u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.

4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(

5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.

i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.

6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)

intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks

7: chronic feelings of emptiness.

this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.

8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

angy

(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)

9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!

personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!

self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3

bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!

[qtkoshi]

hobie brown full fic recs ;;

this is thrown together but shhhh

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arachnid anxiety by @periprose

: ̗̀➛ “you're spider-woman, and you've been tasked with babysitting mayday. maybe you have a bit of stress that you need to vent about, and hobie comes along quite conveniently for that purpose.”

heartbeat by @vxmpjules

: ̗̀➛ “i don’t believe in consistency” the much needed angst i crave hookup culture and hobie

no need to be jealous by @dizscreams

: ̗̀➛ jealous hobie what else is there to say he’s so 🤭

open window by @fabled-fiction

: ̗̀➛ “hobie didn't realize how strung out he was until a certain someone crosses his mind.”

rockstars and piercings by @knxv1lie

: ̗̀➛ “meeting a rockstar and him giving you a piercing doesn’t count as a date…right?”

sleepover by @spidcrhunni

: ̗̀➛ “you let your boyfriend stay over for the night after he’s been away on patrols for a while.”

the clash by @redstarwriting

: ̗̀➛ "In theory, the two of you should have been great friends. Best friends, even. He’s called Spider-Punk, and you’re called Spider-Goth, this alone made Miguel assume the two of you would get along better than all of the Peters. Unfortunately for Miguel, he was dead wrong." actually don't know how i didn't read this sooner i luv me a gud enemies to lovers and this is EXCELLENCE🤭

wound too tight by @renoed

: ̗̀➛ “you and your neighbour are the loudest people in your apartment building - drowning out the sound of each other's music with your own. you hadn't realised that your neighbour saw it less like a competition and more like a collaboration.”

and i highly, highly encourage checking out rest of the authors’ works <3 have a lot more headcannons/ drabbles ppl wrote liked, but these r what i can recommend rn 😫🤍 i personally rlly love @murdrdocs writings on him (characterization is 💯‼️).

ೄྀ࿐ happy reading ˊˎ-

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[bryngmemoney]

✁FASHION FLIRT✃

Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

⭑story masterlist link

tw:none

🪡Chapter Twenty-six: Ignored

“Uno.”

“Oh you suck Y/n,” Nobara said, reaching to pick up a card from the pile in front of you. You just smile, officially winning the game when you place down your last card.

“Shouldn’t you two be working?” Maki said as she put a safety pin through Yuta’s shirt. Yuta jumped when he felt a prick at his side, “Ow.” Maki looked at him apologetically, “Sorry, didn’t mean to.”

“I’m basically finished, just waiting for Gojo to check over them. He saw Yuki’s already and I finished the the guys’ today.”

“And Nobara finished as well? Because we planned to come here to work on the clothes.” Maki questioned.

“Yeah they’re all good, everyone’s set,” Nobara looked down shuffling the cards together for another round. “You’re positive?” you asked as you watched her flip the cards together. “It’s just a few details, i’ll finish it next class, i’m exhausted from this week.”

“Well good for you guys then,” Maki turned back to Yuta trying figure out what needed adjustments to make the shirt fit him right. “Do you need some help Maki?”

“No it’s fine Y/n. I just don’t know why I can’t get Yuta’s shirt to fit him the way I want it too, it’s annoying having to continue to rip the seems apart and everything.”

“Don’t worry Maki, i’m sure you’ll get it right!” Yuta encouraged, trying to not seem off put by the threat of more safety pins poking him.

You and Nobara gave encouragement to her, then returned to your game, only for your attention to turn back to Maki a few minutes later when the sound of a metal clink echoed through the room.

“Shit!”

“What happened?” Nobara asked, leaning slightly around your head as you turned around to look at Maki who was currently sitting in front of a sewing machine. Yuta turned to you guys with a worried look “Ugh, I think this thing is broken, and it ruined the shirt.” Maki, clearly frustrated just stared at the piece of clothing in front of her. “I don’t have anymore of the same fabric either.”

You, Nobara and Yuta all exchanged a glance, trying to silently figure out a way to help.

“I could go and run to the store and get more fabric,” Yuta offered. “And I can go with you! I went with Maki to the store that one time. I know which ones you used, but we can take the receipt just to be sure,” you added on.

“I can stay here and help with whatever you need,” Nobara walked over to where Maki was sitting, willing to just be moral support or do whatever was needed.

“That.. that would be great actually, thanks.”

Finally getting into the car after packing all of Maki’s fabric from the list she had sent you, you sighed leaning against the seat. It shouldn’t have taken more than hour to drive, get the fabrics, then drive back and meet them at the room. However you and Yuta had the unfortunate luck of having to deal with a clueless employee. As patient as you two were being, how could they say they didn’t sell what you were looking for in the store, that you were at the wrong place when the name at the top of the receipt was the location you were currently at?

“That was exhausting,” Yuta mumbled, starting up the car ready to take you two back. “Poor Maki, she really wanted to get everything done, but I don’t think she’ll finish today,” you said while unlocking your phone, only to be met with a few messages from Megumi, the last one specifically catching your eye.

“Shit.”

Author’s Note: r.i.p. maki

was originally gonna make y/n and nobara play b.s. but then i realized that doesn’t rlly work with two ppl

quick question tho guys, would u want two chapters tomorrow ill probably have them ready

but anyways hope you guys enjoyed!

Taglist below, feel free to comment or dm me to be added!!

TAGLIST

@iridescentrays @gumimegz @maya-maya-56 @mamafly @lunavixia @swissy23 @coltsgf @m00nglad3-mp3 @etsukis @xosren @qtnfer @oengleli @harek89 @y-sabell-a @morgyyyyyyy @getolvr @liliumaraneae @k3lbade @aiieera @dancedancey @get0sfav @chuyasthighs0 @hyssoplampflickers @kpopanimen @sad-darksoul @vivi-loves-penguins @kasumitenbaz @talkingsperm @nymphsdomain @inlovewithlondonn @rzcnlb @enchantingkitty @fuyuzemi @lysaray @ni-ki-ismyluv @renemy @frumira @mixzimi @miralunaela @dreamxiing @p3achiee @anianurst @nishii28 @arguendo @samutoru @hallothankmas @invisible-mori @aiserex @all-in-the-fandoms @milza12 @nyxlai @daintyminho @tokyodarlng

[nightcolorz]

let your thoughts on the finale run WILD god knows i want to hear them 🙏🙏

OOOO YES OK!!! I’m going to start with my Armand twist thoughts bcus ik that is a point of contention among my fellow Armand apologists and ik y’all have been waiting to hear how I feel about it haha. Then I’m gonna yap about Daniels turning for similar reasons, and cuz I have theories!!!

I can’t say I’m surprised that Lestat saved Louis instead of Armand, I honestly thought when I was first watching ep7 that it was Lestat saving Louis until it cut to Armand doing the mass mind control and I was like oh ok, that makes sense ig. But I was very much willing to accept that Armand was planning to let Louis die, and so I’m def not having much trouble accepting it now lol.

I think amc made Armand just the right amount of devious when it comes to his involvement in the trial without bordering into out of character territory. I imagine directing the trial was elating for him after his panic about loosing his place in the coven. It makes perfect sense to me why he would want Louis dead 😭‼️. He basically explains it himself lol, when he says to Louis that his choice was between his coven of 200 years or his boyfriend who is actively putting him in danger and severing his sense of security. As Armand says lol, he couldn’t rely on Louis’s devotion to him to last as long as his coven has, and his priority is always going to be preserving that safety rather then being loyal to ppl he loves. Armand sees love as extremely transactional and entirely based in how secure he feels in it, how long it lasts, how much it does for him, etc (bcus hes Never been actually loved b4 oops). So once he realizes that Louis is doing nothing but putting him in jeopardy, and is actually pretty uncaring towards him, and he is given that choice, then of course he chooses the coven so thoroughly that he’s willing to let Louis die.He’s not wrong about Louis being an unreliable person to bet all his cards on💀 Louis only stayed with Armand for so long out of spite against Lestat, not out of any real love for him. And for Armand love is only worthwhile if it’s also protection and security, and Louis is not gonna give him that.

what I find interesting is how despite Armand’s plan being to kill Louis, he made the choice to stay with him even tho he wanted him dead. And I think Armand decided to stay with Louis purely because Louis burned down the theater, and without Louis Armand had nothing else. He always needs that security, that thing to devote himself to so he isn’t alone or aimless, bcus Armand doesn’t know how to live if he is not given a purpose. The learned helplessness was rlly getting me, the way he knows Louis is going to destroy the thing he just put sm effort into preserving and he doesn’t do anything to stop him. He doesn’t even act to try and preserve his relationship with Louis, he sits there limply with his head down and blankly admits that Louis will never forgive him and their relationship is ruined 💀. I think he only makes the choice to attach himself to Louis when Louis tells Lestat (and Armand) that he is going to stay with Armand. The way he’s staring at him like a wide eyed dog waiting for master to pull his leash during the scene in Magnus’s chambers, his needy little glances after he kisses him, he’s waiting for commands 😭😭 he’s waiting for Louis to give him a purpose after he destroyed the thing he was desperately clinging to

With all this being said tho, I don’t think that Armand doesn’t love Louis. As I said he has a very warped view of how love works, and even tho I’m sure it would hurt Armand to see Louis die, he both considers loosing Louis an inevitability that will be less painful if he has control of the circumstances, and he considers the loss of loved ones who are not safe/secure/useful a necessity. Armand is very used to loosing the ppl he loves in cold and painful ways 😭 for him this is the way life for a vampire is, and it doesn’t matter how he feels about it, it has to be done. When Armand says “i could not prevent it” it’s goofy asf cuz, um yes you could have sweetie ❤️🙏. But I think part of him means that, he rlly does feel like the cruelty he puts ppl through is all he can do, it’s not a choice it’s an inevitability, it’s just how he is.

i stand by with all my heart my analysis that Armand is not a manipulative or calculated person. He is clearly not so good at being manipulative lol, and his lies r only rlly affective bcus of Louis’s willingness to believe them. He lies out of fumbling desperation and fear, not out of any sort of deviousness or evil spite, lmao. He’s lived a life where he has to fight to survive, and he’s willing to do anything it takes to ensure his own safety. Armand is out for himself basically, lol. And if Louis has to die for Armand’s well-being, welp, sucks to suck 💀. If Armand has to lie to Louis so that Louis will stay with him, oop! Well he’s gonna try his best 🙏 lmaoo

When it comes to daniels turning, ahhhh!!! Omg ok, was very excited about this. My theory: cuz I’ve seen a lot of ppl upset about this and confused now that “devils minion can’t happen”. Babes I am so certain devils minion did happen ‼️ especially after this.

So after the reveal Armand is begging Louis to forgive him and trying to desperately convince him that they can still be together after this, the way he’s stuttering honestly broke my heart 😭 he may be a devious little bitch but he is my little princess and I love him. But anyways, Armand is coming to terms with (when he’s thrown out of the house, and then thrown into the wall) that the person he has been betting everything on for 77 yrs, the person he has been depending on for his purpose and his security, is gone and he has nothing else. “Without Louis I am nothing.” ‼️‼️ so as he’s lying in that rubble Armand’s thinking, I’m nothing. And knowing him, probably trying to desperately find smth else to fill the black hole.

and daniels there, and knowing Daniel, he’s not leaving. He’s getting sos messages from Raglan telling him to get the fuck out of there 😭 but raglan was the person who told Daniel that Louis is the dangerous one, not Armand, and well Louis’s left. And Daniel isn’t going to leave a fascinating story in the rubble just to go back to his shitty old man home, no sir.

So here we have it, Armand is more desperate and alone than he’s been in 77 years, and Daniel is staying with him. I imagine he helps him leave Louis’s house while he’s injured, probably drops him at a hotel or smth. And Armand has just lost his life line, and is looking for a new one, and here’s Daniel, helping him back on his feet, not leaving. I think that Daniel ends up fascinated by Armand and by some pull unable to leave him, and he stays with Armand for a while while he’s recovering from the divorce. And in my mind devils minion in the past still happened, and Armand knows this, maybe Daniel does, maybe not. Either way Daniel feels the connection. And through the power of desperation and nurse maid style rebounding, Armand turns Daniel bcus he can’t stand to be alone. And oh boy, the Armand apparently fucks all the way off right after, probably out of guilt for breaking his ultimate rule to not ever make another vampire, which aligns with book canon, where Armand and Daniel separate partly bcus of Armand’s guilt. And so here we r

I am completely certain that Louis’s claim that Armand turned Daniel out of spite is wrong, and based in Louis’s bitter post divorce bias. Especially considering how Daniel does nottt have the attitude of a man who was just turned into a vampire against his will out of anger 💀 that is youthful gay boy silly Billy lusting for life 70s Daniel in the flesh right there, that is the face of a man who’s minion has been deviled, yknow yknow. And Armand would never do that, turn someone (let alone Daniel), out of spite. If that was the case that would be an unforgivable character assassination, which I don’t think is likely to be true based on everything they get right about Armand. Armand turned Daniel out of desperation, bcus he needs Someone so that he won’t “be nothing”, not spite.

thank u sm for the ask beloved mutual ❤️❤️ I hope u enjoy this!!! I am going to be posting and answering a lot of asks today lol, and I have a lot more thoughts so stay tuned!!

[noxtivagus]

hmmm. oh my god my mind is a mess i rlly can't write what i want to rn but i will just Dump

[sleepiexx]

Valeria Garza x fem reader. Reader and Valeria were once lovers until one day she disappeared and a few years later on a mission to capture El Sin Nombre the reader finds out what she has been doing all this time.

Back When I Loved You

Valeria Garza x fem!Reader

Link to Pt.2

Note: so sorry this took like for-fucking-ever, I’ve been working so fucking much I never write anymore 😭😭 I’m so glad I got this done, I needed to write this. Also, I switched to y/n instead of (Y/N) bc I did a survey and it said most ppl prefer y/n, tell me if u think that’s dumb

Summary: It’s been years since y/n had been stationed in Las Almas, returning opens some old wounds she hadn’t realized never healed.

Warnings: death mention (no one actually dies), soap is a slut, uhhh not much else rlly

Word Count: 3345

Quite a peculiar phenomenon, “the one that got away.” The idea of an old flame that was never allowed to fully ignite and crackle into something beautiful, never quite coming to fruition. The kind of love that leaves you wondering what could have been had circumstances been different, desperately yearning for even the slightest taste of something more.

The topic came up one day as the task force sat around at a bar drinking, waiting for the assignment that they would inevitably have the next day. It started as Gaz recounted the story of how he met a girl before graduation and fell madly for her. Their story ends there with the fact that the moment Gaz realized how he had felt for her, he was being shipped off to boot camp, never to see his lost love ever again. He spoke of how deeply he regretted not pursuing a relationship with her, and how every time he goes home to visit his mother, a tiny part of him hopes to see her again.

Soap went next. Lord knows the man had many, many regrets and many stories regarding his love life, yet one took president in his mind. “She had the softest skin,” he had said, story veering off the main point and getting caught up on the details as it had nearly a million times, once about her hair, three times about her eyes, and now about how “baby soft” her skin was. Eventually— with a little pushing from the others— he told the full story, how he was on vacation, a rarity for him, and how he’d hit it off with this woman. Usually with his one night stands, it was purely sexual, no emotional connection whatsoever. Yet this time, Soap had found himself enchanted. After what he described as a “magical” night, she’d disappeared, and he never got the chance to give her his number.

“What about you, old timer, I’m sure you’ve got an old flame who escaped ya’,” Soap beamed, turning the conversation towards Price who smiled and nodded fondly to himself.

“She was-“ he sighed, “well, she was something.” No matter what he did, he couldn’t escape the smile that creeped up his cheeks as he told the story. A kind lover, she was. Made him breakfast in the mornings, listened as he complained about work— he was just a Lieutenant back then, but she listened. And she was always there. Until she wasn’t. The Captain’s story ever so slowly changed from happily reminiscing and took on a much more somber tone as Price recounted the fighting that led up to his break up with the woman. He had been coming up on the end of his contract with the British Army and she had wanted him to stay with her, start a family, but Price had been in the military for a long time. He had no clue what life would even be like outside of the Army. And so he reenlisted. He spoke about how deeply he regretted that, how there were nights that he woke up and just imagined how his life could have panned out had he stayed with her. Would he be awoken by their kids pouncing up and down on him, rather than the ever-present nightmares he gets as his current wake up call? He would never know, and that would haunt him to this day.

Price took a big swig of whiskey at the melancholy thought, turning the attention toward y/n, “What about you, kid? You’re still young, hopefully no sad stories yet?”

Y/n shook her head, “I don’t see it as sad, more so I see it as I’m happy I got that experience. Yeah I’m upset that it never went anywhere but I’m glad that it happened period.” She smiled, happy with her answer but the others stared on with shocked looks. “What?” She asked.

Soap’s eyes were wide, “Well you can’t just say all o’ that and then just not tell us the story.” He shook his head, flabbergasted, “We all told you, save for Ghost but the man’s already very private, so now it’s your turn.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “yeah, yeah,” she took a sip of her drink, a little liquid courage to help loosen the story out of herself, “I was stationed in Mexico for some time. Beautiful country, beautiful people, I loved every second of it. Every night I would go out with my American buddies on the town and we would just fuck around, have some fun. Well one night I’d gotten separated, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe they ditched me, I don’t know, we don’t really talk anymore so I don’t think I ever will. But anyways, as you do when you’re drunk and alone, I found trouble. Some man came up to me with a knife, tried to rob me, I was really in no state to fight back, but in comes this woman to defend me. I’d seen her around the base before, she was Mexican Special Forces, I knew that. I also knew how goddamn hot she was. With her tattoos running all up and down her toned arms, and how enchanting her deep brown eyes were.”

The team immediately got chatty at that, hyping her up. “L/n with the moves,” one of them had teased. She laughed, feeling blood pumping in her face.

“So anyways, she jumps in and fights the guy for trying to rob me while I was so drunk. I was absolutely slack-jawed. I’d never had anyone fight so fiercely for me in my life, especially not a stranger, and even more especially not a stranger I had a huge crush on. I remember her turning to me, once the dude was down for the count and just saying ‘you okay?’ I can remember her exact tone and god, it made me melt. She walked me back to my barracks and I was done for. The very next day I sought her out and told her I’d buy her a drink to make up for it. Thus started an epic romance.”

Y/n grinned as the others piped in with their little comments, excited to finally get to talk about her lost love after all this time.

“For months we went out together, dancing, talking, drinking, everything else that comes along with a relationship,” she smirked at that, face only dropping as she got the ‘getting away’ part, “and, uh, we were happy, y’know. I could see myself having a future with this woman. But as life has it, I was stationed elsewhere while she had been on a mission. I tried calling the base a few times.” She stopped to collect her breath, “but, uh, I was told that her and her squad went MIA on that mission. Likely killed in action is what they said.”

She sniffled a little bit, hoping it was unnoticeable by her teammates. Shaking her head as she finished her drink, and began to stand she turned to them for a final time, “I’m gonna turn in for the night it’s getting late.”

The rest of them nodded, waiting until she was gone to quietly chat amongst themselves. She was the topic of choice, of course. How bad they all felt for her. How guilty they felt for bringing it up. Ultimately it wasn’t their fault but they felt awful. Not too long after, they themselves all turned in, awaiting what the next day would have for them.

Months later, after many missions, and after the conversation they had had slipped away from them, the task force found themselves on their way to Mexico in search of the infamous cartel leader, El Sin Nombre. No one dared to mention y/n’s past, but of course, they weren’t completely discreet with their fleeting looks.

Despite their knowledge of y/n’s deployment to a base in Mexico, they were still shocked to see that the Colonel as well as some of the soldiers of the Las Almas base knew her.

“Y/n! Long time no see, last I saw you, you were still just a private.” Colonel Alejandro Vargas said, patting her on the shoulder in greeting as the group got off their chopper.

Y/n smirked, “could say the same to you. Wonder who died and made Lieutenant Vargas into the colonel of the Mexican Special Forces.”

Alejandro rolled his eyes and went to counter, but the man next to him made himself known with a contagious laugh. The task force could see sparkles in y/n’s eyes at the sound.

“Rudy!” She shouted, happily enveloping the giggly man into a hug.

“Hi, y/n.” He smiled, hugging her back just as tight.

In the midst of it all, Captain Price couldn’t help but clear his throat to get the group’s attention. “I hate to break this up,” he said, thick British drawl dragging out every word, “but we really do have some pressing matters to take care of.”

Y/n and Rodolfo split, standing at attention. Alejandro spoke for them, “you are right, there will be plenty of time to catch up once this is all over.”

They each nodded in agreement, eager to get to the task at hand.

It was no easy feat. Despite not really keeping up with the news in Las Almas since she had been gone, y/n knew just how bad cartels could get. That paired with the frustration that seemed to radiate from Alejandro every time El Sin Nombre was mentioned, he had to be some bad, bad motherfucker.

Soap went in under no guise or cover, walking right up to the front door and presenting himself like meat to hungry wolves. Y/n and Alejandro, on the other hand, terminated nearly half a dozen cartel soldiers, stealing their masks and outfits to fit right in to the party.

They surveilled Soap throughout, following closely behind, making sure no actual cartel soldiers noticed him. They followed him right to the third floor, right to El Sin Nombre. When the name Valeria left Soap’s mouth after looking through the snake cam, y/n and Alejandro made eye contact, both feeling a similar nausea at the thought.

But they shook it off.

It couldn’t possibly be her, right? She died on a mission targeting the son of La Araña, didn’t she? Sure she was officially determined MIA but a person doesn’t get lost this long, not like this.

Sure enough, as the door burst open, through the hail of bullets being shot across the room both to and from cartel higher ups, there she was.

The shock was evident on y/n’s face as she saw the woman kneeling on the roof. She saw short, dark hair and shook. It’s not her, it can’t be her. But it was. She could tell by the dark eyes carefully watching her every move as she walked behind the woman, pulling her hands down around the woman’s body and behind her back to cuff them.

Y/n prayed the woman couldn’t feel the tremor in her hands, but she knew all too well. Once upon a time the dark-haired woman knew every detail about her, it almost seemed as though that hadn’t changed.

Few words were uttered on the chopper back to the Vaquero’s base— save for a few “shut up Graves,”’s since the man refused to stop talking all smug, as though he was the sole reason El Sin Nombre had finally been caught— but a million things went unsaid as y/n avoided the Vaqueros’ gazes. The rest of the 141 were none the wiser to the fleeting looks that the Vaqueros shared.

The waiting period was long and drawn out as the woman was processed. Of course she had to have her prints and DNA taken, it’s never as simple as getting to talk to her first.

The anticipation was getting to y/n, who was anxiously chewing her nails down to the beds, leaving them jagged and slightly bloody.

The door clicked open, catching the room’s attention, “She’s been fully processed, whenever you’re ready you may begin the interrogation.” The soldier in the doorway stepped aside, clearing the path for the 141, the Colonel, and his second in command to pass.

They walked swiftly and with precision as they borderline-prowled their way down to the storage container that held the woman. Price took the lead as y/n and Alejandro fell behind, dragging their feet. Rudy followed behind the two, making sure neither avoided the inevitable.

Graves was the first to open his mouth, gesturing to both Alejandro and Valeria, “explain how you two know each other?”

Words, glares, and taunts were exchanged as they began the story.

“Go on, tell them.” Alejandro commanded.

Valeria scoffed, “I don’t take orders anymore, even the dogs in Las Almas know not to bark at me.” Valeria’s eyes caught y/n’s hesitant form as she spoke the last part.

Alejandro angrily shook his head, “she’s ex-military, we served together.”

Despite their distances, and their long time apart, the two shared a perfect flow when telling the story.

“Different squads, same unit.” Valeria began, “you were the wild ones, huh? Los Vaqueros.”

Alejandro grinned at her words.

Her gaze once more shifted to y/n, “my squad was clean cut señoras y señores.”

“Until the raid on the son of La Araña,” Valeria smirked at the sentence, Alejandro continued. “Her team was told to cordon of the city to ward off La Araña’s enforcers and prevent the bloodshed.”

“That’s exactly what we did,” she smiled.

Alejandro’s anger only spiked at her smug face, “What, you kept out his enforcers because you were his enforcers, eh?”

Her voice was taunting, “he was escorted to the mountains without incident, also to prevent bloodshed.”

Y/n felt her stomach turn. All the time she spent sobbing over Valeria and yet all the while the woman was running around doing all sorts of illegal activities.

Rudy piped in, almost as shocked at the realization as y/n, “he was supposed to go to prison.”

Graves grabbed Valeria’s shoulder, pulling her back, and further pissing off y/n. “So you killed him. And you took over.”

“I created a power vacuum, and I filled it. Las Almas needs me.”

The moment his hands looked as though they were about to wander, y/n was upset, nearly growling out a rage-filled “hands off.”

Graves lifted his hands off of the woman as if he’d been burned, holding them up. “Woah, woah, woah. What’s with you getting all feisty over the prisoner?”

Y/n just glared, gaze unmoving.

“Holy shit,” Gaz whispered, glancing between y/n and Valeria, “It’s her, isn’t it?”

Y/n’s eyes softened in confusion, turning her attention to Gaz, “Pardon?”

The rest of the team seemed to come to the same realization as him, moments before he spoke, “Her. She’s Her. You said you had a romance with a soldier while stationed in Mexico, a soldier who went missing. With what Alejandro said, the stories line up, Valeria is the woman you were in love with, isn’t she?”

Y/n broke eye contact, slightly embarrassed, still enraged, altogether hot in the face as she stared at the floor. “Yeah,” she admitted hesitantly, “yeah, it’s her.”

Valeria’s eyes were stuck to her down-trodden form, smirking at the fact that she now knew; y/n had talked about her. Y/n talked about her to her team. A sweet little thought.

“Nothing to be ashamed about,“ Valeria spoke cockily, “you sure weren’t ashamed of it when we were in love.”

When we were in love.

The words stung. The wound was old, yet here it had been ripped open as if it had happened mere days ago.

“Yeah, well that was before you left me to join the cartel.”

Valeria scoffed, “Join it? Please, I fucking run it. Besides, I think you forget that you’re the one who left.”

As the tension rose between the former lovers, the atmosphere in the room became rather awkward. The 141, the Vaqueros, and the few Shadows who were in the room sat staring dumbly at each other, wondering just how long they should let this go on

“You wanna go there? As I recall, you left weeks before I was deployed on what I thought was a mission. Turns out you went off with your little druggie friends to play gangster. I called the base a million times, they told me you were dead!”

Valeria stood from her seat abruptly, causing everyone else in the room to reach for their guns. Neither y/n, nor Valeria stood down. Y/n gestured for the others to leave the room, they hesitated but eventually followed her command. Now face to face, feeling each other’s breaths on their cheeks, the two seethed.

“I bet you would have liked that, huh?” Valeria started, eyes set into a deep glare, “me being dead would have made this so much easier for you, no loose ends.”

If y/n didn’t know any better, she would think this was Valeria trying to get y/n to kill her, death before snitching after all. But y/n knew her, knew suicide wasn’t her calling. This wasn’t a plead for death, this was a challenge. Fuck with me, I dare you.

Y/n’s lips turned downward into a gritty scowl. Even through her anger, tears managed to slip their way through her glaring eyes at the thought of her ever wanting Valeria dead.

“Never.” She whispered, voice cracking, “I cried every night for you for months, Valeria. I loved you so much, god, I still fuckin’ do.”

She reached into her shirt, pulling out two sets of dog tags and gripping tightly onto one of them. The ones she held, Valeria knew very well. They matched the ones she kept tucked under her shirt. An old pair that she had given to y/n way back when; they were the ones she was issued as a sergeant, before she reached lieutenant status and received the ones she currently wore all these years later.

And all at once, Valeria felt her heart shatter.

All these years she had spent letting her anger toward y/n fester and grow, thinking she had just abandoned her. All these years and yet all the while, y/n was devastated. They told y/n she died. Y/n thought she was dead. Y/n mourned her, cried for her, hurt for her. And here was Valeria, yelling at her.

She softened her stiff posture, cautiously reaching out for y/n. Valeria cupped y/n’s cheek, and for a while they just sat there like that. Time passed but it felt like nothing compared to the eternity they had missed together. Y/n finally looked up. In one fell swoop, Valeria crashed her lips to y/n’s

The kiss was all consuming, destroying any distractions in its path as the lovers made up for lost time. Caution was thrown to the wind with neither girl worried about their positions and duties. In this kiss they were not El Sin Nombre nor Sergeant l/n, they were just lovers. Just Valeria and y/n, reunited.

What felt like a million hours were lost in each other’s lips. As they separated, Valeria’s eyes opened, y/n’s stayed shut. Valeria stared, waiting for y/n to reveal her gorgeous eyes, yet when the moment finally came, it hurt. Y/n’s eyes shined with sorrow, something Valeria could see very clear.

Valeria tried to reach forward, but y/n stepped back, clearing her throat, “this,” she sighed deeply, fighting internally with herself, “this cannot happen again.”

She turned her back toward Valeria, knowing it would be too hard to look her in the eyes. Knowing she would lose all composure and fold. But she stayed strong, and in a few short steps, she was out of the room.

[callmedylan]

Idea I had for a Dungeon Meshi swap AU

(Farcille and Chilaios fans why are we yet to make a swap AU where Laios x Chilchuck and Falin x Marcille swap.)

(P.S I only recently got into dungeon meshi like a month ago + I’m going off the anime and a bit of character facts from the manga so beware I might get some stuff wrong 💔)

Recently I’ve been cooking up (pun intended) this idea for a swap AU, ofc I love when ppl swap Falin and laios’s places but I wish they’d swap more characters and their stories, so it got me thinking about different possibilities.

what if Chilchuck and Laios were the ones that met in Magic school and become good friends? (for the sake of the AU let’s just say half foots live a bit longer so they age more similarly to humans). Chilchuck learned magic cause he didn’t want to be seen as weak or greedy for his race, which led him to getting miraculously accepted into a prestigious College for magic (which leads him to later learn Dark magic). It’s not his fault he befriended the “weirdo” human boy from said school and now has to save him (he’s worried sick he’s just emotionally constipated as hell).

Along with all this, after being saved from that spirit as a child, Laios realizes he has a love for monsters and what not; which later leads to his love for magic. When hes able to work with his little sister in their group as a Cleric, he was super excited to travel with friends and see all the monsters they come across, it’s too bad he ends up getting munched on by the red dragon.

Meanwhile Marcille is a half Elf for hire who was never able to master magic; And since elf’s aren’t known for their physical strength, she learned to disarm and detect traps. Ofc she probably had trouble with business because of this, but Falin and Laios found her situation super intriguing and hired her almost instantly.

Finally theres Falin, maybe after saving laios from that spirit as a child she realized she enjoyed combat and instead of going on to do magic she instead took a similar path as Canon laios and left home around 12 and later became the leader of their group. Of course while shes much more “mature” than Laios and is better at picking up social cues, she still has that weird fascination with eating monsters; she’s just way less extreme about it (guess it runs in the family).

Senshi could probably stay the same, but I could see him and namari swapping places (still deciding)

Some other roles that would be swapped (there’s more but I’m too lazy to list all of them):

Shuro <—> Maizuru

Kabru <—> Rin

Izutsumi <—> Kuro

dandan <—> Mickbell

(Note I’ll most likely make Farcille and Chilaios canon in this AU)

In this AU Marcille and Falin would actually get to develop their relationship some more and I think it’d be rlly fun for them to have this kinda awkward little Romance, like “hey ik your brother (and our friend) is getting digested rn but you’re rlly cute…”

Meanwhile Chilchuck is annoyed cause his best friend could possibly not be saved and die if they don’t hurry up and stop worrying about eating monsters and forming relationships (as he totally pushes down his feelings for Laios).

I really need to draw something for this AU, I think it’d be rlly fun.

Anyways hope y’all enjoyed my stupid little idea ramble.

[adorawasright]

frosta would've been a way more interesting character if she were the more diplomatic and quiet princess she was introduced as.

like yeah, frosta should be allowed to be a kid, but comparing her s1 self to her s2-5 self is jarring. she just suddenly becomes that chaotic kid. i would've loved to see her actually developing as a character. i felt like she didn't have any character arc in the show. her wanting to befriend glimmer was rlly more about glimmer, who didn't have many friends and was too attached to bow as we saw in the princess prom. besides that, her brief interactions with micah just felt cheap, too. it was more about micah being nervous about meeting glimmer again than like. frosta dealing with the fact her parents died. (i don't remember if they explicitly brought it up, but it was probably not that important). she is basically a plot device.

frosta seemed like the child that matured way too early, and that should've been touched upon better. imagine frosta seeing how immature the other princesses are, and calling them out on their bullshit. and i'm not saying that a child should lecture older ppl (i wouldn't call them adults honestly), but frosta wasn't the kind to suddenly throw punches. she seemed more observant and only intervened when things got too ugly (like when adora fought catra in the prom). and of course, i would've liked to see frosta slowly realizing she doesn't have to be the adult, she doesn't have to handle things on her own. kind of like how steven in su was the savior and the voice of reason to everyone, only to slowly unlearn that and prioritize himself.

i'm aware spop is rlly not the deep kind of show (unless you're catra i guess), and it definitely didn't care about the princesses as characters. but frosta had a different thing going on. she had a different personality. probably bc of her ice powers, but also bc of her tragic background. but yeah, as many other fans have said, frosta pretty much became a lame version of toph. which is weird to me. frosta would've been the opposite of toph, given the latter was oppressed and smothered by her parents (especially due to her disability), while the former LOST her parents at a young age. toph rejects her background while frosta seems to stay in her lane to keep everything under control.

i don't know why they did frosta so dirty like this. i think kids could've resonated with her initial personality.

[babyspacekwid]

Some of my Astro placements and how they manifest

Chiron 4th house:

This placement talks of a wound surrounding the family and home, and well, I would often search for a home because no where to me felt like home. I still feel misunderstood and out of place, BUT, I have made deep and valuable connections that have helped guide me and make me feel the love I should have had. Not to say this placement is completely hopless, it’s beautiful and it’s real and it’s tough, but you come out stronger. I use to hate that fucking perspective too. Like okay??? Who gaf if I come out stronger I’m fucking suffering, like why didn’t I get the parents everyone else has? Why’d I have to walk on eggshells? I felt like my anger and sadness was invalidated because I didn’t feel strong. I felt worthless and disorganized. I was a mess and I still am. Idk if that’s ever gonna change tbh, but despite all, it’s true. You DO come out stronger. In every aspect I have. Home is your people it was never a place, home is your mother cradling you for the first time in a while, it’s your friends taking care of you when you’re sobbing. Home is your dad realizing his mistakes and apologizing. Home is a feeling, it’s refreshing and comforting. Home was never suppose to be stressful, or feel like a war zone. To whoever has this same placement I feel you and I love you.

Mars in Aquarius in the 5th house

I do things unconventionally and I only realize this when I’m with other ppl. It can be as simple as the way I eat my burger, to my taste in music. Which is everything. I like literally everything. I don’t care the genre. If it’s good and catchy I love it. I did a lot of different hobbies as a kid too? Like taekwondo, dance, soccer, painting, singing, writing. But I never stayed long in any of those hobbies. Loved anime which ik everyone likes these days but where I live and during my childhood it was still a bit taboo or considered weird to watch. I was the kid that got along with everyone at school too. I didn’t see the point in highschool having a social hierarchy of popularity. It’s fucking stupid. I remember this one kid in my class who everyone thought was weird, which from their perspective I understand because he liked to talk about taboo topics that everyone thought was outrageous, but I was enjoying conversing with him because his perspectives were fresh and built my own views and opinions. I also have a 5th house stellium and I just fucking hate anything that isn’t fun like. I can’t do the 9-5 I have to enjoy my life like this society was not meant for the way my brain works istg.

Lilith 8th house

Constant comments were made about my body when I was young. From good to bad to what the actual fuck are you saying to a 12 year old. No cause it still happens and I’ve learnt to deal with it, but it has greatly affected how I view myself, my sexuality, and my comfortability with it.

Sun and moon in Gemini

I got the worst of both worlds wtf is this?! Considering my chart is 60% air signs you’d think I’d be use to it but I’m notttttt. I try to stray away from the stereotypical “Geminis intellectualize their emotions” but it’s true we do, but I think it’s cause feeling our emotions are overwhelming. Geminis ARE emotional. There’s just so much going on that my brain decides “I need a solution to this now cause feeling is pain” also hate that I’m not consistent. Consistency is my worst enemy, it doesn’t agree with me and my behaviours and we have an ongoing tense relationship, so I don’t finish anything. Not the books I wanna write or the paintings I wanna finish. Working on it tho 😭

Jupiter in Leo in the 11th house

I know so many people, and the friends I’ve made feel like my soul family. We’re siblings at this point. (Also rlly love the spotlight. What can I say I’m an attention whore)