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wandasdove · 2 months

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GROSS-ERY SHOPPING

Pairing(s): mommy!wandaxautistic!reader

Summary: in the grocery store, reader experiences sensory overload but doesn't communicate their distress to their mommy wanda. acting out and refusing to continue shopping, the reader's behaviour escalates until they push Wanda in a moment of panic. wanda, initially angry and confused, takes them to the car, where the reader finally explains their struggle. realising the reader's distress, wanda softens, offering comfort and understanding, and promises to be more attentive in the future. they drive home, with wanda ensuring the reader feels safe and supported.

Warnings: contains descriptions of a small sensory overload and emotional distress, which might be triggering to readers sensitive to themes of anxiety and panic. it also includes moments of verbal conflict, a physical confrontation where we push wanda and she is maddd, and elements of a dominant/submissive relationship

You feel the weight of the fluorescent lights bearing down on you, the cacophony of shoppers, and the overwhelming colours and smells of the grocery store making your head spin. Your breaths come shallow and fast as you try to keep it together, following Wanda through the aisles. She chats lightly, oblivious to the sensory overload that's threatening to swallow you whole.

“Hey, can you grab that for me?” Wanda asks, pointing at a box on a high shelf. Her voice sounds distant, muffled by the storm in your mind. You didn’t really hear her, and stare into the distance. “Y/N?”

You zone back in, hearing her tone and nod mutely, reaching up, but the sudden movement makes you dizzy. The box slips from your fingers, clattering to the floor. Wanda turns, her eyes narrowing slightly as she surveys the scene.

“Careful,” she admonishes, a hint of frustration creeping into her tone. “Are you paying attention at all?”

You nod again, more vigorously this time, hoping she'll let it go. But she doesn't. Instead, she steps closer, her presence amplifying your anxiety.

“You've been acting up all afternoon and I don't appreciate it,” Wanda says, her voice low and stern. “What’s gotten into you today?”

Her proximity is too much, her intense gaze too penetrating. The world seems to shrink around you, walls closing in. You can feel the panic rising, a tidal wave you can’t control. Desperate, you roughly push her away, needing space, needing air.

Wanda stumbles back, surprise and hurt flashing across her face. She regains her footing, her expression hardening into the one from the photo, a mixture of confusion and disappointment.

“Seriously? You push me now?” she snaps, her voice trembling slightly. “I can't believe you're acting like this.”

Tears blur your vision as the sensory overload reaches its peak. You barely register Wanda's next words, your mind a whirlpool of chaos.

“I don't want to be here anymore,” you say, your voice coming out harsher than intended. “I hate this place, I never wanted to come here. I want to go home.”

Wanda’s eyes narrow further. “Excuse me? Who do you think you’re talking to in that tone? We're almost done. Just a few more items.”

“No!” you nearly shout, crossing your arms defiantly, and stomping your foot like a child. “I'm not getting anything else. Didn’t you hear me? This place is awful, and I want to leave right now!”

Wanda takes a deep breath, trying to maintain her composure. “Listen to me, young lady. You need to calm down and stop acting like a spoiled bratty children. Remember your place. We have things to get, and you're going to help me.”

The harshness in her tone feels like a slap, and you shrink back, feeling the sting of her words. But the overload is too much, and you can't stop yourself from lashing out.

“Why should I? You never listen to me! You don't care how I feel!” you spit back, the words burning on your tongue. You know it’s not true, but in the moment you’re so worked up and can’t stop your mouth.

Wanda's face tightens, her patience wearing thin. She steps closer, her voice dropping to a dangerously low whisper. “You are walking on very thin ice, sweetheart. You need to watch your tone.”

Her proximity is suffocating, her stern gaze too intense. The world seems to close in around you, the panic rising like a tidal wave. Without thinking, you shove her away again, desperate for space.

Wanda's eyes widen in shock as she stumbles back, hurt and confusion flashing across her face once again. She regains her footing, her expression hardening once more.

“Fine,” she snaps, her voice trembling with controlled anger. “We're leaving. But we are going to have a serious talk about this and don’t think you won’t get punished.”

You don't respond, tears streaming down your face as you follow her out of the store. The moment you sit down in the car, the world goes quiet, the storm in your head beginning to recede.

Wanda starts the car, her silence heavy and uncomfortable. She doesn't speak until you've driven a few blocks, her anger seeming to cool as she notices your rapid breathing and tear-streaked face.

“Hey,” she says softly, glancing at you. “What's really going on?”

You take a shuddering breath, the words finally coming out. “It was... too much. The lights, the noise... everything. I'm sorry.”

Her face softens immediately, the sternness melting away to reveal concern and guilt. “Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you say something?” She pulls the car over, turning to face you fully. “I thought you were just being difficult. I didn't know you were struggling like that.”

You shake your head, feeling a wave of relief at her understanding. “I didn’t want to bother you. I thought I could handle it.”

Wanda reaches over, gently wiping a tear from your cheek. “You never bother me. Next time, tell me. Please. I don’t want you to suffer in silence.”

You nod, leaning into her touch, the tension slowly easing from your body. “I will. I promise.”

She smiles, pulling you into a tender hug. “Good. Now let's get you home and settled, okay? No more stores today.”

You close your eyes, feeling safe and understood in her arms. “Okay Mommy.”

#✧˚ · . dovewrites #✧˚ · . mommywanda #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda mcu #wanda marvel #wanda maximoff #mommy wanda #mommy k!nk #domme mommy #bd/sm mommy #wanda #wanda x autistic reader

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marsprincess889 · 26 days

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VEDIC ASTRO OBSERVATIONS

Part 4

I thought, why not

Editing and finishing this as I have a face mask on

Bharanis are very sensitive, in a very misunderstood way. They're often either dangerously passive and stubborn or fiercely proactive, and this comes from the fact that they can read people well, and are sensitive to the energies around them. They know the importance of sticking to their own convictions/their way. Bharani is the place where you MUST NOT be fooled into submission and gaslighting, no matter who it comes from. It's where all kinds of forces try to enforce influence on you, right when you are so aware of your true calling/desire(s). That's why this nakshatra is so prominent in the charts of great philosophers and thinkers. They are defensive and secretive, but it all comes from the necessity to protect their truth, which is their life, and everything to them. Do not mistake their defensiveness as childish defiance. They know the pain of giving up and the strength it requires to stand up to themselves.

I said this multiple times, and I'm saying at again: ketu is VERY IMPORTANT. look at your ketu nakshatra and just take it in for a sec. Its infulence is on everything. Since you can rarely attribute that infulence on a specific thing in a person, it's often overlooked, but once you start looking at ketu in charts and apply it to the native/their life, you cannot unsee it. Also, when you are being natural, when life feels effortless and when you don't think a lot, oftentimes the appearance of your ketu will come to the surface, i mean, you'll be able to see it physically. Ik I don't look like my ketu nakshatra at first glance but boy do i see it when I look in the mirror, and I like it a lot. Oftentimes, as I've noticed, people love their ketu.

Your true essence, I think, is moon+ketu(very personal and mostly private but extremely important. They color the most of your inner world), then sun+ascendant(your way of dealing with the world, also very important) and atmakaraka+amatyakaraka(your path to yourself). Your chart ruler(ruling planet of your rising sign) is kind of separate but still visible, and it colors the whole chart, but unlike ketu, it's more on the surface and more visible in the native's behavior. I'm not saying you should disregard other placements, but this is how I see them.

Some nakshatras that I think are most prone to agitation/reactiveness(in order of their appearance from Ashwini to Revati, not ranked): Ardra, Ashlesha, Chitra, Vishakha, Purva Ashadha(?), Dhanishta.

In contrast, most stoic and hard to get a reaction out of: Pushya, Magha, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Uttara Ashadha, Shatabhisha, Uttara Bhadrapada.

Ketu in Ashlesha is dangerous like I know it personally(I don't have it tho). Ketu, unless exalted and/or developed by the native(conciously or subconciously) is mostly in a state of ignorance. Ashlesha is, dare I say, the most manipulative placement, but the tragedy is that Ashlesha natives kinda need it, that's what they know. It's the torturous place of attachments and distance and forced attachments and forced distance, of abuse and healing and alertness on a deeply nervous and emotional level. Ketu, the planet of raw, dangerously powerful stored energy and experience in a place like that can be horrible, for both the native and the people around them, especially if the native is unaware of their behavior.

Uttara Phalgunis can be taken for granted by others, especially people they're close to, but those people still refuse to let the U. Phalguni native go. They're so "Sunny" and supportive that some people refuse to take them seriously. The thing with Sun nakshatras though is that they have inner strength and are in no way naive, they just have trust because they trust themselves and know and are proud of their convictions. U. Phalgunis' convictions almost always include support and loyalty to people close to them/dear to their heart, but unfortunately, not everyone can appreciate that for what it is and pass it off as naivety. Mostly it comes from people who value manipulation, which Uttara Phalgunis hate. Uttara Phalguni women/girls especially can be seen as "good girls" at first glance, or as "vanilla", but in reality, it's based on their inner strength and trust in themselves. Ik this sounds biased, that's just because it's personal and I know many examples of it, mine and others. This one's for the "good" ones.

Interesting thing I've noticed: Krittikas, despite being a Sun nakshatra, have a reputation of being "aggressive"? I would not say they're aggressive, but they can be more reactive than other sun nakshatras. Krittika starts in Aries(ram), which is ruled by the active Mars. It's yoni animal is a sheep/goat/ram(sources vary). I mean, its essence is that of fire, and its meaning is "to cut", so, they're kind of aggressive about their individuality/selectivity/. They're aggressively stoic, if that makes sense.

To expand on the point above, a great way to understand nakshatras is to view their ruling planet as what is given/what we have, and the rashi(s) that it's in as what is done with it. So, for example, if Bharani is about protecting/defending(mars/aries) beauty, life and love(Venus), Mrigashira(the Taurus part) is about beautifying/enjoying(passive venus/taurus) pursuit/defiance(Mars). You can see how different those are, especially because a planet ruling a rashi is not the same as a planet ruling a nakshatra, they manifest slightly differently.

Another great way to understand nakshatras is to learn their mythology. I am very well aware that different sources say different things, and ik it's more tiring than rewarding to go from site to site but you can take little details that are consistent and stick to them. For example, Revati's god Pushan is known as the one who guides, who nourishes, but he's the nourishing form of a Sun god. So now you see that Revati is solar in nature, rather than Saturnian(its opposite). It's all about association and how different associations relate to each other. I think this kind of approach is better than relying on other people's opinions and observations.

So, this is all I guess?

Interact pleaseeeeeeeeee 😩💕 esp reblog and comment

#vedic astrology #astrology #nakshatras #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #astro notes #astrology tumblr #bharani #ketu #krittika #atmakaraka #amatyakaraka #revati #uttara phalguni

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winterarmyy · 1 year

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Must Be Fate

Prequel to And You're Mine. This is the story of how Y/N first met her cute, chubby alpha!bucky.

Summary: Y/N has been crossing paths with this particularly sweet alpha all day long; this must be fate right?

Navigation: Prequel || Main Story I || Main Story II || Main Story III

Pairing: chubby alpha!bucky x omega!female!reader

Words: 4.2k++

Warnings: a/b/o dynamics. fluffy stuff. sort of fated mate themed because... love at first scent(?). instant love. the reader was just smitten without even knowing bucky's name, alpine making her appearance, 99.9% reader's pov because she's the one who fell in love and remembers him. Dialogue? almost little to none (I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT). And I little shout out to one of my favourite book.

P/S: Been busy these few days, i just graduated my bachelor's degree, then went through the whole job hunting process and somehow managed to land an offer (in another state btw), then went on a stressful house hunting journey and managed to get decent place. Yknow, all those "adulting" stuff (that i am not ready to face). But yeah, here's a little something from my wip that I managed to finish. Happy reading! 🤍

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Y/N herself might not notice it, but she had been stealing glances through the pretense of the book she was supposed to be reading for quite some time now. Not that she wanted to be distracted anyway; she was rather enjoying her current read, especially the banter between main characters, Liesel and Rudy.

Yet for some reason, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from the particular alpha sitting on the park bench, right across from her.

It seemed that the man was also distracted with his own personal dilemma as his thoughts were lost within the arrangement of peonies in his hand. There was this deep frown decorating his features yet his eyes translates a different type of emotion. More gloomy, more somber. And Y/N knew exactly why.

She never meant to follow Bucky around, in fact, she didn’t. It just happened that his paths were fated to intertwined with hers; and it all started that afternoon.

The bus was packed full, albeit it was Saturday, but thankfully she managed to find herself a seat.

Since Y/N was getting closer to her heat, in about a week or so, and her scent blockers were nearly out. She just got back from a nearby clinic to restock and now she had a full day for herself.

The thing about her pre-heat condition is that she was fortunate to not experience the normally unpleasant symptoms like any omega would; she doesn't get irritated easily and she didn't have to go through those random aches and fever.

However, she had a particular symptom that differs from the other omega; which involve the irregular increase of her scent.

During pre-heat and all throughout the actual heat, Y/N’s scent tripled the amount of a normal omega in heat. And since, she refused to take suppressants, the doctor prescribed her with a high dosage of scent blockers instead; to mask her scent completely during pre-heat.

Besides her own scent thickens and heighten, her sense of smell was also affected. It will become so senstive that she can smell everything and everyone, all at the same time.

Unfortunately for her, there weren’t any medication to combat that issue and the only solution she could do was wearing a mask to lessen affect of other people’s scents. But of course, the mask can only do so much especially when she was in a tight confinement of a bus with – what feels like – 2000 people crammed into it.

Too many potent scents coming from every direction, that her head spun into nausea.

Sure, she might be a little bit exaggerating about the amount of people in the bus, but it felt awfully like it when the bus stopped in every bus stop in its route; she can physically feel the inertia of the force pushing her to lean forward.

Thank god, she was sitting down; she managed to hold on the seat in front of her for support. Often times she would whisper her apologies to the man sitting in front for the sudden push of her hand, And most times he only nodded without looking back.

But at one of those stops, unfortunately, the teenager standing next to her bumped his head right onto the metal pole. Poor thing quickly scurried out of the bus in pain and embarrassment.

The density of people became lesser at that stop, but not enough to empty any seat in the bus. Though it worked well for her that most of the strong scents were fading into a much more bearable capacity for her to endure.

While streams of people exited the bus, only one came aboard; a sweet old lady. The moment Y/N saw her, she was already thinking of giving up her seat, but the man sitting in front of her beat her to it as he swiftly stood on his feet and help the old lady to his seat.

The old lady gushed and thanked the man, dearly patted his cheeks like any grandmother would do to their grandchildren.

And in that brief moment of time, when he moved, Y/N picked up a particularly sweet scent trailing behind him and when he came back, it hits her like a train. At first, she can sense some sort of floral; roses and jasmine but with time the smoky sandalwood and spicy cinnamon seeped through. The combination of sweet and woody notes made such a warm and captivating scent.

She never knew an alpha can smell this good.

Her eyes fluttered close as the alluring scent flooded her brain, letting his scent creates the dreamy images of his fingers lacing between hers as they walk in the rain, or him cuddling her in the heat of the fireplace during the winter, or his body trapping her by the back as she takes his huge delicious kno—whoa.

That was way too vivid and a tad too far.

She was so enthralled by his scent that she forgot to even look at the man’s face. And a mistake it was for her to take a peek because he is absolutely gorgeous. The brown locks on his head was neat and clean that she just wanted to make a mess out of it. His eyes were pretty in steel-blue and his plush lips was simply a sin to look at.

Though some would argue about the lack of shape in his jawline, the same one that was hidden between his chin; she didn’t care at all, rather she was particularly fond of the softness on his chubby cheeks. Shaved so clean and smooth that she couldn't find a single razor cut on his skin.

They look so cute and kissable. She want to kiss his cheeks, his lips, and every part of his ridiculously handsome face. She wanted kiss him so badly.

And those intrusive thoughts made her almost missed her stop.

Y/N panicked when she scurried out of the bus that she didn't even thought to ask him for his name or number; anything.

But then again, she wasn't the type to be so bold in the first place; she knew wouldn't have the courage to even speak a word to him. His scent alone almost pushed her into a frenzy, so imagine if he would look at her with those beautiful eyes of his, smile at her, talk to her?

She'd simply die. She was sure of it.

So, with regrets Y/N walked towards the familiar road right into the local bookstore that she often visits. Thinking that this encounter would probably be forgotten by the end of the day.

Then she spent hours in that shop trying to find the perfect book to put her out of the miserable reading slump she was currently in. While her eyes skim over the covers of the book in display, in the back of her head, Y/N was almost certain of how unlikely it was for her to see the alpha ever again.

Couple of turns later, her footsteps trailed back to the space in between the bookshelves next to the huge glass window of the store. Still glancing absentmindedly at the book covers particular on the historical fiction isle. She halted when she saw it, the book that people had been recommending to her, 'The Book Thief'.

After reading the summary behind the book, she felt drawn to it almost instantly. Thinking that maybe this would be the book that will replenish her interest of reading back to its utmost glory.

But when she lifted her head up, she froze yet again. This time, not because the sight of a book. But it was the silhouette of the alpha she saw in the bus. Instinctively, her feet step closer to the glass window, to have a better look at the man across the road.

The alpha had just exited the flower shop opposite from where she was standing, with a gorgeous bouquet of peonies in his hands. Now that she looked closely, his hands were covered with black leather gloves; it intrigued her and she wondered about the story behind it.

Y/N wasn't that dense; she could see it right away from the way he dressed, to the choice of gift he went for. She knew instantly that the alpha was probably going out on a date.

And that stung her a little bit. How nice it must be to be his date, his girl, his omega.

Funny of her to think so when she never really talked to the guy. Let alone know him well enough to decided whether he's a good alpha or not. But something about him felt right to her.

But, sometimes it'll be like that. Falling in love so strongly, so instantly. And there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you know how to protect yourself; your body, your heart.

When her gaze moved upwards to his face; and her heart almost escaped her body. It was so quick, so faint. But, she saw his smile. It wasn't for her but it was so pretty. Y/N felt like a bow just struck her chest and the cupid was trying to pull it back out.

She knew full well how she probably need to move on from this delusional crush of hers yet her eyes still longingly lingered at his moving figure, walking farther away from her sight.

When she thought that would be the last time she saw him, she was utterly wrong. Now, it felt like devilish cupid was toying with her heart as their path crossed yet again, this time at a nearby cafe.

She didn't notice him at first, at least until she placed her orders and saw him sitting alone at the far corner of the cafe. He seemed to be waiting for his date; the flowers laid perfectly on the seat next to him.

In contrast of the few looks of his that she had witness before, the alpha's demeanour indicates anxiousness.

His heel keeps tapping the floor, causing his knees to jump up and down, as he fiddled with his phone. Occasionally, he would look at the time and put it down. Just to do the same thing over again only seconds later.

And that made her wondered if this was his first date with whomever the person he was supposed to be seeing. She knew those feelings all too well. It was only canon that he felt the jitters on his first date, she'd been there too.

When her drink was served, Y/N decided to stay awhile longer. She didn't know what she was expecting from this but she wanted to make sure he was okay. Or maybe she just wanted to see who was the lucky girl. So she found herself a seat, a little bit discrete yet enough to see him from where she sat.

Pulling out her new purchase, she decided to pass the time with some light reading, maybe getting herself comfortable with the world building in the book and get to know the main characters in the process. In between those moments, Y/N would peek above the book, particularly at the sight of that beautiful stranger from across the room.

Pages upon pages she drowned herself to the words of the author that she didn't notice how time flies passing the half an hour mark; and the cafe started to get more crowded and rowdier. Certainly, the amount of potent scents had were floating around her were slowly getting to her.

Y/N knew if she stayed a longer, she'd surely throw up whatever drink she just had. So, she decided to leave. But not before glancing at the alpha – who was still waiting for his date – for one last time, then she pulled the door open and walked away.

Certainly, that was supposed to be the last time she see him right? Nope. The universe proved her wrong when the man found a seat on the bench opposite her. With the same bouquet of flowers in his hands.

And at this point, she thought that this must be fate. There's no other explanation than this.

When she lowered her book again, she saw a white feline rubbing its head on Bucky's legs. It was too far to hear its voice but considering the amount of time its mouth open, Y/N figured it was meowing at him.

Probably to get his attention, or just wanted to comfort the alpha because just from the look of it, she knew he was stood up by his date. And Y/N was unexpectedly mad about it; maybe it was from personal experience or maybe it was just because she couldn't accept the fact that this fine, gorgeous, sweet alpha was being stood up.

Y/N watched how Bucky put away the flowers and scooped the cat onto his lap. He squinted his eyes at the ball of fur and spoke something. She hadn't had a clue what he said but it was probably along the lines, "Are you lost, little one?" He scratched its chin and neck while trying to see if it has a collar.

After so long of seeing that deep grumpy-looking frown on his face, Bucky finally graced her with another smile when the cat tried to rub its nose on his cheeks. Its whiskers tickled his nose and had trigger a laugh out of him.

God, Y/N had never been so desperate to be a cat in her life. She wanted to be that cat; sitting on his lap like she owns that place, making him smile and laugh like that. She wanted nothing more that to do so; to please him in a way that would make her own heart full.

Her daydream was cut short though, when a heavy scent of cigarettes and rum invaded her space. In fact it was so thick and potent, but considering the lanky alpha was sitting right next to her it was inevitable.

Y/N didn't want to be rude; because if she just walk away to find a different spot to sit at, then it would seem rude to the man. Her heighten sense of smell was to be blamed, not the man who was simply sitting next to her, enjoying the park as much as everybody else does.

So, she stayed.

But in those few minutes that she stayed, she might have re-adjust her mask a few times, as if it would help to lessen the scent. But, she did it anyway. And that was all she did. Yet somehow, it managed to rub the alpha in a wrong way.

"Ya got a problem with my scent, beta?" He snarled, clearly he was drunk. And a drunk alpha in the middle of the day was never a good sign.

Though she was relieved to know that the scent blockers worked just fine. Otherwise, she might push the alpha into a rut if he got even a single whiff of her scent.

The alpha growled as she put some space between them instead of answering his question. "Are you even listening to me?! Answer me, you dumb bitch!" His aggressiveness went from zero to hundred real quick when he yanked her by the hand, pulling her closer towards him.

Y/N's book fell from the force of his strength and she yelped in pain and fear. Though she usually know how to put up a brave face and fight back, but the sudden change of his action and emotion didn't gave her time to prepare her; mentally, physically.

With her omega tendencies on default, her body coward to his force and her voice tremble, "L-let me go!" She tried to twist her hand to escape but his grasp only grew stronger.

He pulled her to stand up, "You think a beta like you can look down on me? You and that omega are the same! Bunch of good for thing bitches. Gonna teach you a good lesson for disrespecting an alpha like me!" He roared with words of his drunken concerns, truth of his wounded ego.

Her blood pumped faster through her veins and her breaths increases behind her mask. When she saw his hand rose, Y/N shut her eyes, whimpering in fear as she turned her head away, waiting for the pain strike her but it never happened.

It between those short heavy breaths, she caught a whiff of Bucky's scent. And surely, it gave her the comfort she needed to calm down, guiding her to open her eyes and witness her saviour stopping the unhinged alpha's strike.

Then what happend next was so fast; the way Bucky forced him to release her, and the way the left of his gloved hand wrapped around the alpha's neck, choking the air out of his wind pipe.

Bucky growled something in the alpha's ear, but Y/N couldn't hear it over her own beating heart. She didn't need to, not when the pale look of the man's face says it all. As soon as Bucky loosen his grip, the other alpha stumbled backwards and made a run for his life.

That does tend to happened when Bucky was literally threatened to tear his limbs apart if he touch the woman ever again.

When the panic didn't die like Y/N hoped for, Bucky quickly came to her side; respectfully close while avoiding any sort of skinship. He whispered words of comfort and sweet nothings, "It's okay, you're okay. You're safe now."

His voice was like magic, especially when it managed to calm her so easily. Y/N can feel herself melting, like a marshmallow hovering over the flames; like an ice cream under the summer sun. She took a deep breath of his sweet scent and exhaled a long sigh, "Thank you. Thank you for that." she said.

Bucky bent down to pick up her book and patted the dust off, "It's no big deal, here." He handed the book. She gladly took it from his hand, gripping it tight to her chest.

Her head was still fuzzy from the rush of adrenaline, she couldn't think of a single coherent thought other than gratitude towards her saviour, "Yeah, thank you." She probably didn't even notice that she was talking to the alpha she was crushing on the whole day.

Looking at her shaken state, Bucky was worried of her, "Are you going to be okay?" He asked.

Y/N's mind didn't process his question fast enough to for a confident reply to form, "Huh? Yeah, of course. I'll be fine. Couple of deep breaths should do the trick."

"Are you sure?" Bucky was sceptical but she quickly assured him, "Absolutely!"

He nodded slowly as if she failed to convince him, yet he didn't want to push her too much, "If you say so..."

She let out a another long sigh and said, "Thank you again, really. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Bucky simply chuckled at her words, "You know, you've said 'thank you' way too many times now, doll. Plus, it is an utmost honor of an alpha to save a damsel in distress." He jest.

Which was quickly agreed by a mewl coming from his chest, "Meow!" Y/N didn't even notice the white cat nestling comfortably in his leather jacket, albeit it was zipped up until only its' head peeking out of the dark fabric.

"See? She agrees." Bucky shrugged as if the cat's opinion was the only valid opinion in this situation.

"I did say it a lot, did I?" Y/N cooed as she pet the cat on its' head, smiling at the softness of its' fur against her skin before looking back at the blue eyes of his, "Sorry." She instinctively apologized.

Bucky shook his head and reminded her, "Don't be."

That was when Bucky's phone rang, a call from Steve, "Hey, you're here? Where are you? Oh there. Yeah, I can see you, punk. You don't need wave at me like that. Yeah, I'll be right there. Please don't let Sam join you. God stop that is fucking embarrassing." He muttered as he looked over how his friends were literally halfway out of the car window, waving at him like a bunch of kids.

Bucky snuck his phone back into his pocket and said, "I'd offer you a ride but the car's full with dumbasses and I wouldn't recommend a sweet thing like you to associate with them in any way."

He managed to pull a short laugh out of her, "Oh, no need to do so. I live close by. Don't need to worry about me just..." her trails stopped mid way.

Only for Bucky to continue with a question, "...Just??"

"Do you mind giving those to me?" Y/N pointed at the flowers in his hand. She knew he was contemplating to throw it away because he had been glancing at the trash way too many times at the first couple of minutes when he sat on that bench across from her.

Y/N noticed how his expression changed, he looked confused but didn't frown upon the idea. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation as she waited patiently for his respond. But he just continued to stare at her, almost blankly but not quite lost. It was as if he was mesmerized by something.

The silence was getting louder than the crowds surrounding them so she decided to explain, "You see, I've never received flowers from anybody before. So, I'm curious how it feels like to receive one." She tried to come up with excuses, though she was still telling the truth. No one she dated had ever gave her flower before, probably deeming it as old-fashioned.

But, she loves those old fashioned gesture the most.

Y/N saw how he hesitated when he stared at the bouquet, his face getting tense by the seconds. She recognize that expression, she knew right away he was holding back his feelings.

But it quickly shifted into a gentle smile, "Pretty flowers for the pretty lady." He whispered under his breath. Bucky didn't waste his time hesitating this time and handed the bouquet to her.

Though she was asking for it but she didn't expect him to really give it to her. This was the first time she ever got flowers from a man. An alpha that she was pretty much head over heels for nonetheless.

Letting her emotions unfiltered, "Thank you!" she squealed as she reach out her hand. As she brought the bouquet closer to her face, she pulled down her mask, inhaling the sweet fragrant of the soft pastel peonies.

Even if her lower face hidden behind the flowers, Bucky swore he saw a burst of sparkles beamed from her upon receiving those flowers. It fascinated him because he never knew that someone could be this happy just from getting such small gift, from a complete stranger he might add.

For a second there, he thought that he would've give her a whole garden of flowers just to see her shine like that again. It felt so good and somehow fulfilling to see her happy like this.

Y/N unknowingly smiled as she let herself lost in the intoxicating scent. And when her eyes fluttered open, a deep chuckle distracted her from the trance. Looking up, as he eyes peeking through the blooming flowers, she finally saw that endearing smile that she wanted to see.

But that wonderful fleeting moment didn't last long as she was hoping for when she heard a group of man shouting for the alpha, "Hey, loverboy! We have a birthday party to get to. Natasha would be pissed if we're late. Again!"

As Bucky shouted back his own sassy counter, Y/N's head was filled with thoughts of kissing him. She didn't particularly know why but she had the need to do it.

Why would she ever do this to a man – who probably currently thinking that she was a creep – that she barely knew?

Even with those unconscious questions, she found her body moved on its own.

When he turned around, Y/N was already on her tip toe, her face was so close to his, while her hand softly cupped his chubby cheeks. She pressed a tender kiss on one of the side soft sides and prayed to God that he couldn't hear how her heart was desprete to escape the confinement of her ribcage.

Y/N placed her mask back before pulling away, only to preen at how she managed to stun him into a red mess of shock, "Thank you for saving me, alpha." Her eyes curved as a sign of a smile before she turn around, almost running away.

She certainly didn't give him a chance to at least know her name, let alone get to know her.

Midway through her path, Y/N abruptly stopped and turned around, her eyes met his curious ones and her heart fluttered, "Thank you for the flowers! I love them!" she shouted with a wide smile on her lips and brightest expression of her face, even if it was blocked by the mask.

Though Bucky could probably translate her eagerness and sincerity from how animatedly joyful she was waving at him. He smiled as he watched the girl ran away with her small steps, almost resembling a hopping bunny.

As Y/N skipped her way home, her lips aches for more of the alpha's softness, her heart yearned for his comforting presense and her glands certainly burned for his mark. And even though she went home not knowing his name, or his contact number. She believed that if he was truly her fated mate, then they will surely meet again someday.

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: Thank you for loving this couple as much as I do, guys. I noticed a lot of you have been requesting chubby alpha!bucky ever since I first published the first one. So I hope you enjoyed this one. More to come from them. But meanwhile, drop your thoughts?

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #alpha!bucky #chubby!bucky

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bloodreinasbathwater · 4 months

Text

Little Dove

Quinn Hughes X Pregnant! Reader

a;n it took me forever to finish this chapter, but I think I'm finally back in my groove. I can't wait for you guys to read I've been so excited to put out more fics.

Warnings: pregnancy, arguing, toxic family, suggestive wording lol, anxiety

masterlist link / previous chapters

summary: Y/N's world is turned upside down when she suspects she might be pregnant. Consumed by fear and uncertainty, she takes a pregnancy test but can't bring herself to face the result. She throws the test away and seeks solace in a hot shower, trying to escape the relentless thoughts plaguing her mind.

word count - 4629

...

Y/N stood before the imposing black door, her heart pounding in her chest as she struggled to gather the courage to face what lay beyond the wooden door. The sleek, polished surface seemed to mock her, its very presence a reminder of the power her parents held over her life.

The stone wall surrounding the entrance loomed above her, casting long shadows that seemed to reach out and grab at her, pulling her towards the inevitable confrontation.

She inhaled deeply, the cool evening air filling her lungs and doing little to calm the storm of emotions that raged within her. Every instinct in her body screamed at her to turn around, to run back to the safety of the car and drive away, leaving behind the suffocating expectations and demands of her family.

With a trembling hand, Y/N reached out and grasped the golden handle, the cold metal biting into her palm. The sensation was almost a relief, a sharp contrast to the burning anxiety that coursed through her veins. She squeezed the handle tightly, as if the physical act could somehow give her the strength she so desperately needed.

"Come on," Quinn urged softly, his voice a gentle whisper in her ear. She felt the warmth of his hand on her back, a comforting presence that seemed to anchor her in the midst of her thoughts. His touch sent shivers down her spine, a reminder of the love and support that he offered her unconditionally.

At her silence, Quinn pressed harder, his fingers kneading the tense muscles of her back. "It won't go as bad as you think it will. I'll be with you the whole time, honey."

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to draw strength from his words. But the unease that had settled in the pit of her stomach refused to be silenced. "I know, Quinn," she whispered, her voice barely audible above the pounding of her own heart.

"It's just... I have a really bad feeling right now. They've never wanted to meet any of my boyfriends, let alone invite them for family dinner. Something about it feels so wrong."

Quinn's hands continued to move along her back, his touch a soothing balm to her frayed nerves. "How about this," he murmured, his breath warm against her ear. "How ‘bout we play perfect couple with your parents, and then after all of our pain and suffering, we head back home, and I give you one of the Quinn special massages.”

As he spoke, Quinn's hands inched higher, his fingers tracing the delicate curve of her spine before coming to rest on the smooth skin of her shoulders. Y/N couldn't help but let out a soft moan as he massaged a particularly tense spot, the sensation causing her head to fall back against his shoulder. “You can relax and let me take care of things."

"Sound good?" Quinn asked, his voice low and full of promise.

Y/N allowed herself a small smile, the first genuine one she'd felt all evening. "That sounds amazing," she breathed, her body already beginning to relax under his expert touch.

Quinn pressed a soft kiss to her temple, his lips lingering for a moment before he pulled away. "Let's go before they get suspicious, hmm?"

With a final squeeze of her hand, Quinn stepped forward and rang the doorbell, the sound echoing through the stillness of the night. Y/N took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and preparing herself for the awkward silence and judgmental stares. She knew that with Quinn by her side, she could face anything her parents threw at her.

As Quinn gently pushed Y/N forward, taking the lead and opening the door, they were greeted by an eerie silence that seemed to permeate the house. The absence of voices, the usual bustle of family life, was unnerving, and Y/N felt a chill run down her spine. The only sound that pierced the stillness was the high-pitched, excited barking of the family dog, Cinnamon.

From the shadows, a blur of fur came charging towards them, a ball of energy and enthusiasm that seemed to light up the dimly lit entrance. Y/N couldn't help but let out a squeal of delight as she knelt down, her arms outstretched to catch the wriggling bundle of joy.

"Hi, Cinnamon baby," she cooed, her voice filled with affection as the small dog eagerly licked at her face, its tail wagging furiously. For a moment, all of Y/N's worries and fears melted away, replaced by the pure, unconditional love that radiated from the tiny creature in her arms.

Quinn watched the scene with a smile, his heart warming at the sight of Y/N's happiness. Her laughter, so rare in the face of her family's expectations, was like music to his ears. He chuckled softly as Cinnamon hopped off Y/N's lap and made a beeline for his own legs, her tiny paws clawing at the fabric of his neatly pressed suit pants.

"Hello there," Quinn said, his voice soft and gentle as he leaned down to pat the dog's head. Cinnamon's fur was soft beneath his fingers, and he marveled at the way such a small creature could bring so much joy and comfort to those around it.

But the moment of levity was short-lived, as a voice suddenly spoke from the opposite side of the room, shattering the brief respite from the tension that hung heavy in the air.

"Sorry for the interruption, Miss Y/N," the voice said, its tone formal and detached. "Your parents are ready for you. Please follow me."

Y/N felt her stomach drop at the words, the bitterness and unease settling back into her stomach. She glanced at Quinn, her eyes wide and filled with a silent plea for strength. He gave her a reassuring nod, his hand finding hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Together, they followed the worker, their footsteps echoing on the polished marble floor. There was something ominous in the air, a sense of foreboding that seemed to grow with every step they took. But she pushed those thoughts aside, focusing instead on the warmth of Quinn's hand in hers, the strength that flowed between them.

…

Y/N stepped through the sliding door, her heart racing with anticipation and nervousness, she was immediately greeted by the sight of her mother rising from her seat at the table.

Dedra's movements were graceful and measured, her posture perfect and her expression carefully composed. Y/N could feel her father's piercing gaze on her and Quinn, his eyes narrowing as he silently assessed the young man by her side.

Despite the palpable tension in the room, Quinn maintained a charming smile, his demeanor confident and unflappable. He strode towards Derek's seat at the head of the table, his hand outstretched in a gesture of greeting. "Mr. L/N, it's a pleasure to finally meet you," he said, his voice smooth and polished. "I've heard so much about you."

Derek regarded Quinn for a moment, his expression unreadable, before accepting the handshake with a firm grip. "Quinn," he acknowledged, his tone cool and measured. "Welcome to our home."

Y/N quickly guided Quinn to the seat beside her, her fingers lacing with his under the table in a silent show of support. She could feel the weight of her parents' scrutiny, the unspoken questions and judgments hanging heavy in the air.

Dedra, ever the perfect hostess, smiled warmly at the assembled group, her face a mask of polite interest. "Let's begin, shall we?" she said, clapping her hands together. At her signal, a team of immaculately dressed servers emerged from the kitchen, bearing trays laden with an array of sumptuous dishes.

As the servers efficiently set the table, Dedra settled back into her seat, her dress clinging to her figure like a second skin. The chandelier above cast a dazzling light across the room, its crystals refracting and casting shimmering patterns on the walls.

Y/N couldn't help but marvel at her mother's impeccable appearance, the way she seemed to effortlessly command attention and admiration.

But the illusion of perfection was shattered a moment later, as Dedra fixed Y/N with a critical gaze, her lips curving into a small, condescending smile. "Well, you've gotten fat," she remarked, her voice dripping with false concern as she raised a delicate flute of champagne to her lips.

"You know, the past few weeks, your cheeks have seemed to get chubbier. Are you skipping out on that yoga class I recommended?"

Y/N felt the blood drain from her face, her stomach twisting with a mixture of shock and humiliation. She glanced at Quinn, her eyes wide and pleading, silently begging for his support. Quinn's jaw clenched, a muscle ticking in his cheek as he fought to maintain his composure.

Clearing her throat, Y/N forced a smile onto her face, her voice trembling slightly as she replied, "I've been focusing on my career, Mom. The yoga class hasn't been a top priority."

Dedra tutted softly, shaking her head in disapproval. "Darling, you know how important it is to maintain your appearance. You don't want to let yourself go, do you? What will people think?"

Y/N bit her lip, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She could feel Quinn's hand tighten around hers, a silent promise of support and protection. But even his comforting presence couldn't erase the sting of her mother's words, the way they cut straight to the heart of her deepest insecurities.

…

As the servers cleared away the first course, Derek turned his attention to Quinn, his eyes narrowing slightly as he appraised the young man. "So, Quinn," he began, his voice deceptively casual, "I hear you're a hockey player. For the Vancouver Canucks, is that right?"

Quinn nodded, his expression confident and self-assured. "Yes, sir. I've been with the team for a few years now. It's been an incredible experience, both on and off the ice."

Derek leaned back in his chair, his fingers steepled in front of him. "And what exactly do you do for the team? Are you a starter, or do you mostly warm the bench?"

Y/N bristled at her father's tone, the barely concealed disdain dripping from his words. But Quinn seemed unfazed, his smile never wavering as he replied, "I'm a forward, sir. I play on the first line and contribute regularly to the team's success."

Dedra chimed in, her voice saccharine sweet. "That must keep you very busy, Quinn. Do you have any time for hobbies or interests outside of hockey?"

Quinn chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Of course. I believe in maintaining a balanced lifestyle. When I'm not on the ice or training, I enjoy volunteering at local youth centers, mentoring kids who come from tough backgrounds. I also have a passion for photography and love exploring the city with my camera."

Y/N felt a swell of pride at Quinn's words, the way he spoke with such conviction and sincerity. She knew how much his volunteer work meant to him, how he used his platform as a professional athlete to make a real difference in the lives of others.

But her father seemed unimpressed, his mouth twisting into a sardonic smile. "Photography and volunteering? How... quaint. And I suppose these activities are what brought you and Y/N together?"

Y/N's heart skipped a beat, her palms growing clammy as she anticipated Quinn's response. They had agreed to keep the details of their relationship private, to avoid giving her parents any ammunition to use against them.

Quinn, however, remained unruffled. "Actually, sir, Y/N and I met through a mutual friend. We connected over our shared love of art and culture, and things progressed naturally from there. We've been seeing each other for almost a year now, and I can honestly say that she's one of the most incredible women I've ever met."

Y/N's cheeks flushed at Quinn's words, a warm glow spreading through her chest. But her happiness was short-lived, as her father's expression darkened, his eyes flashing with barely contained anger.

"A few months?" he repeated, his voice dangerously low. "And you didn't think to inform us of this development, Y/N? Your mother and I have a right to know about the people you associate with, especially when they're..." he trailed off, his lip curling in distaste as he glanced at Quinn.

Y/N's heart pounded in her chest, her breath coming in shallow gasps. She opened her mouth to respond, to defend herself and Quinn, but the words stuck in her throat, trapped behind the lump of fear and anxiety.

Quinn, sensing her distress, reached under the table and took her hand in his, his fingers intertwining with hers in a silent show of support. "With all due respect, sir," he said, his voice calm and measured.

"Y/N is an adult, capable of making her own decisions. Our relationship is built on mutual trust, respect, and love. I understand your concerns as her parents, but I assure you that my intentions towards your daughter are nothing but honorable."

Derek scoffed, his eyes narrowing to icy slits. "Honorable intentions? From a professional athlete? Forgive me if I find that hard to believe."

The tension in the room was palpable, the air thick with unspoken accusations and barely contained hostility. Y/N's hands clenched into fists beneath the table, her nails digging into her palms as she struggled to contain the rage that boiled within her.

She had endured her father's snide comments and thinly veiled insults all evening, biting her tongue and forcing herself to maintain a facade of civility. But as Derek's words dripped with venom, his contempt for Quinn and their relationship laid bare, something inside her snapped.

"Enough!" she shouted, her voice trembling with barely contained fury. "I will not sit here and listen to you disrespect the man I love, the man who has shown me more kindness and support than you ever have!"

Derek's eyes widened in shock, his face reddening with anger. "How dare you speak to me like that, young lady? I am your father, and you will show me the respect I deserve!"

Y/N laughed bitterly, the sound harsh and grating in the tense silence of the room. "Respect? You want to talk about respect? Where was your respect when you belittled my dreams, when you dismissed my accomplishments as nothing more than frivolous whims? Where was your respect when you tried to control every aspect of my life, molding me into your perfect little puppet?"

Dedra gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in a gesture of feigned shock. "Y/N, please, let's not do this here. We have a guest."

Y/N's gaze snapped to her mother, her eyes blazing with a fury that bordered on hatred. "Oh, spare me the theatrics, Mother. You're just as bad as he is, always pushing me to fit into your narrow little world, to be the perfect daughter you can parade around like a goddamn show pony."

Quinn reached for Y/N's hand, his touch gentle and reassuring. "Y/N, baby, it's okay. We don't have to do this."

But Y/N shook her head, her jaw set with determination. "No, Quinn, it's not okay. I'm done letting them dictate my life, done letting them treat me like some kind of possession they can control."

Derek slammed his hand down on the table, the dishes rattling with the force of his anger. "That's enough, Y/N! I will not tolerate this kind of disrespect in my own home. If you insist on continuing this relationship with this... this hockey player, then you can consider yourself cut off. No more trust fund, no more fancy apartment, no more cushy job at the family company. You'll have to live off your precious Quinn's salary and see how far that gets you."

Y/N stared at her father in disbelief, her heart pounding in her chest. She had always known that her parents' love was conditional, that their support came with strings attached. But to hear it laid out so plainly, to know that they would cast her aside so easily, was a blow that left her reeling.

Slowly, she rose from her chair, her legs trembling beneath her. "Fine," she said, her voice low and steely. "Cut me off. Disown me. Do whatever the fuck you want. But know this: I will never, ever forgive you for this. You may be my parents by blood, but you are not my family. Quinn is my family, and I choose him, now and always."

With that, she turned on her heel and strode out of the room, her head held high and her heart shattered into a million pieces. Quinn followed close behind, his hand resting on the small of her back.

they stepped out into the cool night air, Y/N let out a shuddering breath, her entire body shaking with the force of her emotions. Quinn pulled her into his arms, holding her close as she sobbed against his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt.

"I've got you, baby," he murmured, his voice soft and soothing. "I've always got you. No matter what happens, we'll face it together. You and me against the world, remember?"

…

Y/N stood motionless in the bathroom, the white tile floor cold and unyielding beneath her bare feet. The room was a sanctuary of sorts, a place where she could escape the chaotic thoughts that swirled through her mind like a relentless whirlwind.

The pale blue walls, once a source of calm and tranquility, now felt oppressive, as if they were closing in on her, trapping her in a prison of her own making.

The air was thick with the scent of lavender and vanilla, the candles she had lit earlier in a futile attempt to soothe her frayed nerves. But even the familiar, comforting aroma couldn't ease the tension that coiled within her, the knots of anxiety that twisted her stomach and made her heart race with a sickening pace.

Her gaze was drawn to the vanity, its white marble surface cluttered with the detritus of her daily life. Makeup brushes and half-empty bottles of lotion jostled for space with hair ties and stray earrings, a chaotic jumble that mirrored the turmoil within her own mind.

And there, amidst the disorder, sat the small, unassuming box that held the key to her fate, the answer to the question that had haunted her for weeks.

With hands that trembled like leaves in a storm, Y/N reached for the box, her fingers clumsy and uncoordinated as she tore at the plastic wrap. The pregnancy test felt heavy in her palm, a tiny stick of plastic that held the power to change her life forever. She stared at it for a long moment, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to summon the courage to take the next step.

y/n had bought the pregnancy test on a whim, a nagging suspicion in the back of her mind that refused to be silenced. She had always taken pride in her appearance, in the way she maintained her figure through rigorous exercise and a carefully controlled diet. But lately, no matter how much she pushed herself at the gym or how little she ate, the numbers on the scale continued to climb.

She thought back to the dinner with her parents, to the cruel words her mother had hurled at her like poisoned darts. Fat. Lazy. Worthless. The insults had cut deep, leaving invisible scars that ached with every breath. And now, with each passing day, those scars seemed to grow, festering like open wounds that refused to heal.

And then there were the other symptoms, the ones she had tried so hard to ignore. The sudden bouts of tearfulness that overtook her at the most inconvenient moments, leaving her sobbing in the grocery store aisle or curled up on the couch in the middle of the day. The strange cravings that hit her out of nowhere, leaving her ravenous for foods she had never even liked before.

With a deep breath, Y/N tore open the box, her hands shaking as she removed the small, plastic stick from its packaging. She read the instructions carefully, her heart pounding in her chest as she followed the steps, her mind racing with a thousand different scenarios, each more terrifying than the last.

Y/N's mind raced with a thousand different scenarios, each more terrifying than the last. What if she was pregnant? What would Quinn say? Would he be happy, or would he see it as a burden, a trap that would tie him down and ruin his promising career? And what about her own dreams, the hopes and aspirations she had clung to like a lifeline in the face of her family's suffocating expectations?

She felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over her, and she gripped the edge of the vanity for support, her knuckles turning white with the force of her grasp.

The room seemed to spin around her, the walls and floor blurring together in a dizzying kaleidoscope of color and light. She closed her eyes, taking deep, shuddering breaths as she tried to regain her composure.

After what felt like an eternity, Y/N opened her eyes, her gaze falling once more on the pregnancy test that lay on the counter, its display window facing downward. She knew that she couldn't put it off any longer, that she had to face the truth, no matter how painful it might be. With a trembling hand, she reached for the test, her heart pounding in her ears like a drum.

But at the last moment, she faltered, her courage failing her. Instead of looking at the result, she tossed the test into the trash can, burying it beneath a pile of crumpled tissues and discarded cotton balls. She couldn't bear to see the truth, couldn't face the reality of what it might mean for her future.

The sound of the shower called to her then, the steam billowing out from behind the glass doors like a siren's song. Y/N stripped off her clothes mechanically, her mind numb with fear and confusion. As she stepped under the spray, the hot water hit her skin like a thousand tiny needles, the pain a welcome distraction from the chaos that raged within her.

She let the water wash over her, her eyes closed as she tried to lose herself in the sensation. The heat seeped into her bones, melting away the tension that had coiled within her like a snake ready to strike. She breathed in the damp, misty air, the scent of her lavender shampoo mingling with the steam in a heady, intoxicating aroma.

Behind her, the pregnancy test lay abandoned in the trash can, its display window hidden from view. Y/N had thrown it away without even looking at the result, too afraid of what it might reveal. She knew that she would have to face the truth eventually, that she couldn't hide from reality forever.

in this moment, alone in the bathroom with nothing but the sound of the water and the pounding of her own heart, Y/N allowed herself to be still, to exist in a world where the future was still unwritten, and anything was possible.

She clung to that fleeting sense of peace like a drowning woman clinging to a life raft, knowing that it was all she had left to keep her afloat in the stormy seas of her own mind.

…

Quinn turned the key in the lock, the soft click echoing through the stillness of the house. He pushed the door open, the familiar scent of home washing over him like a comforting balm. The living room was dark, the only light coming from the soft glow of the streetlamps outside the windows.

He set his bag down by the door, the heavy thud of it hitting the floor breaking the silence. His shoes came off next, the laces loosened and the soles kicked off with a careless ease. He padded across the carpet in his socks, his footsteps muffled by the thick, plush fibers.

The house was quiet, almost eerily so. Quinn listened for any sign of Y/N, any hint of her presence, but he was met with only the soft hum of the refrigerator and the distant sound of a car passing by on the street outside. He wasn't surprised by the silence, given the late hour of his arrival. Y/N was likely already in bed, lost in the sweet oblivion of sleep.

Quinn made his way down the hallway, his steps heavy with exhaustion. The bathroom door was ajar, the soft glow of the nightlight spilling out into the darkness. He pushed the door open, the hinges creaking softly as he stepped inside.

The first thing he noticed was the damp carpet beneath his feet, the fibers squishing slightly with each step. He chuckled to himself, shaking his head at Y/N's characteristic forgetfulness. She always seemed to leave a trail of water behind her after her showers, a small quirk that he found strangely endearing.

Quinn reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head in one smooth motion. The cool air of the bathroom hit his bare skin, sending a slight shiver down his spine. He tossed the shirt into the hamper, the fabric landing with a soft thud amidst the pile of dirty clothes.

He turned on the shower, the water sputtering to life and filling the room with a soft, steady hiss. As he waited for the water to heat up, Quinn's gaze drifted around the small space, taking in the familiar surroundings.

The white tile gleamed in the soft light, the grout lines perfectly straight and clean. The mirror above the sink was slightly fogged, the edges blurred with condensation.

And then, out of the corner of his eye, Quinn caught a glint of something shiny, a flash of light that seemed out of place in the muted tones of the bathroom. He furrowed his brow, his curiosity piqued by the strange reflection.

He scanned the room, his eyes searching for the source of the light. And then he saw it, a small, foil-wrapped object nestled in the bottom of the trash can. His heart skipped a beat, a sudden sense of unease washing over him like a cold wave.

Quinn crept closer to the trash can, his steps slow and cautious. He peered down into the empty bin, his eyes widening as he recognized the shape of the object within. It was a pregnancy test, the plastic stick lying stark and white against the dark plastic of the can.

With trembling fingers, Quinn reached into the trash, grasping the test by its hilt. He lifted it out of the can, his heart pounding in his chest as he turned it over, the display window facing upward.

The moment of truth, the answer to the question that had been weighing on his mind ever since he had noticed Y/N's strange behavior over the past few weeks. The late-night tears, the unexplained mood swings, the way she seemed to retreat into herself, lost in a world of her own thoughts and fears.

Quinn stared at the test, his eyes tracing the lines that appeared in the small window. And then, with a sudden, sickening clarity, he saw it. Two lines, bold and unmistakable against the white background.

Positive. Y/N was pregnant.

Quinn felt the world tilt beneath his feet, his mind reeling with the implications of what he had just discovered. He leaned against the sink, his knuckles white as he gripped the cool porcelain. His breath came in short, sharp gasps, his lungs burning with the effort of drawing in air.

…

Tag List <3

@ru-kru, @bunbunbl0gs, @hischierswhore, @alwaysclassyeagle, @shawnshoney, @fearfam69691, @fulla02, @njdkatie, @dancerbailey3. @jamieeboulos, @ceces-obsessions

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trueebeauty · 4 months

Note

hello~ could you make an oneshot of Gun x reader when we had a very bad day and hold all the emotions until we came home, hearing his worried voice, we ran into his arms and bursted into tears like a baby 🥹

thank you so much ☺️

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ notes ; ofc!! I added my own little twist to this if you don't mind!!

You fumbled with your keys, hands shaking as you finally unlocked the door to your shared apartment. It had been an awful, stressful day and you had barely held it together on the way home, fighting back tears the whole way. Mrs. Johnson, usually a sweet lady, had been having a particularly difficult day with her dementia. She had repeatedly accused you of stealing her jewelry, growing more agitated and combative each time you gently reminded her that her daughter was keeping her valuables safe at home. Then there was Mr. Thompson, who had stubbornly refused to take his medication, insisting that you were trying to poison him. By the time you had finished assisting Ms. Chen with her evening routine, carefully following the special instructions for transferring her from her wheelchair to the bed due to her recent hip surgery, you were physically and emotionally drained. "[Your Name]? Is that you?" Gun's deep, comforting voice called out from the living room. Hearing his voice shattered the last of your composure. Dropping your bag, you ran to him, collapsing into his strong arms as the floodgates opened and sobs wracked your body. Gun held you close, one hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "Shh, it's okay, I've got you," he murmured. "Rough day at work?" Not trusting your voice, you simply nodded against his chest, burying your face in his shirt as you let out all the pent-up emotions from the day. Gun tightened his embrace, rocking you gently. In the safety of Gun's arms, you finally released the stress and frustration you'd been holding in all day, crying until you had no tears left. Through it all, he simply held you, whispering words of comfort and pressing kisses to your hair. "Just give me two seconds with each of them," he said seriously. Stopping your crying, you remove your head from his chest and look at him, "They're old," you say. Gun shrugs, "You’re right, half a second should be more than enough." You snort before you push against his chest, "How are you not in prison?" "I did nothing wron–" Gun stops when he sees your disbelieving face, "What, don't believe me?" You shook your head, "Not a chance." "You wound me, [Your Name]," Gun clutched his chest dramatically. "I'm a model citizen, I'll have you know." You raised an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Is that what they're calling reformed delinquents these days?" Gun grinned, pulling you closer. "Reformed? Who said anything about reformed? I'm just better at not getting caught now." You couldn't help but laugh at his audacity. "You're impossible." "Impossibly charming, you mean," he winked, pleased to see your mood lifting. "More like impossibly hopeless," you retorted, but your eyes shone with affection. "You love it," Gun said confidently, pressing a quick kiss to your head. You sighed, snuggling back into his embrace. "Heaven help me, but I really do." With Gun, you weren't afraid to be vulnerable. His love and strength were your safe harbor, and you knew that no matter how hard your job or your life could be, he would always be there to support you.

#lookism #lookism headcanons #lookism x male reader #lookism manhwa #lookism x reader #gun park x reader #lookism webtoon #gun park #oneshot #fluff

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punksocks · 5 months

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Warning Signs That You May Have A Toxic/Karmic Significant Other

Hey everyone, you may have seen my recent post about breaking up with my ex partner after 5.5 years. If not, I’ve been deep in reflection after ending this relationship. My reasons for ending it were that he refused to seek professional help to manage his anger which would come out in constant outbursts of violence (not physical ab*se but hitting walls, kicking furniture, scarring my dog, etc) and his mental health in general. After breaking things off I analyzed our relationship and all the red flags became crystal clear in hindsight. This blog is not only my emotional space to reflect, but also a place to give out advice to make sure you guys feel less alone in the world. So I’ve compiled a list of behaviors that made it clear that in hindsight the relationship was destine to be toxic and could not continue. It’s important to take lessons from painful experiences in order to continue to grow, and that’s what I hope I can help with by sharing my experiences here:

(TW Manipulation, Distressing Themes, Emotional Ab*se)

- They hate your intuition: (they work to make you doubt whatever means you have of self guidance. Whether that’s tarot/astrology, or spirituality in general, or therapy, or your simple gut feelings/reactions to things. They hate them because they know that they’ll be singled out at some point by them so they work to make you not believe in yourself through manipulation/gaslighting. My ex would constantly say the tarot is going to tell me to break up with him, but he never really changed he’d just belittle it and say I was getting weird about spirituality and he’d try to make me doubt myself or choose between the tarot and him. When I asked him to go to therapy he would also say that he was worried the therapist would tell him to break up with me-implying I was the problem. When I would ask him to go anyway he would find a way to avoid it- saying it’s too expensive, too hard to find, he doesn’t have time, etc)

-They constant give you advice that puts you in harm’s way: (My ex always told me I was too quick to cut off people that threw me under the bus and that I was paranoid. When I found out my former business partner was being shady and stealing from me, he told me to keep working with her. I said I had to take things over. He said I had no chance of covering the expenses on my own and that he wasn’t going to help me at all even though he was working a consistent 9-5. I rationalized this as putting too much pressure on him to support me through my apprenticeship over the previous few months, even though by the time we were having this discussion I had picked up a seasonal 9-5 to compensate for starting the business. I still felt guilty because I was asking him to cover the rent at home while I built this business up. I ended up wracking up debt over trying to cover everything myself and he was telling me I was going to fail every step of the way. When I didn’t fail and the business remained open over a year later, he said he had always believed in me every step of the way.)

- They rewrite history (that’s the other thing- when I broke up with him he said it was his idea to open the studio in the first place. This was a lie. A bold one at that. At the time I would have had to become self taught due to dealing with several egotistical mentors (wow thematic) and I looked for positions in other studios and there were none. My ex told me I should “pause” my goals. I told him I’ll open up my own space with another artist. He had a long talking down to me about how we couldn’t afford any of that, and how impossible it was, etc. But I went through with it anyway, effectively doing all the work on my own. He constantly told me what I was doing was crazy. But I made success out of it, thank God. Now my ex is trying to take credit for the whole thing as if I don’t remember what happened. Audacious.)

- Instead of having their own dreams they focus on wearing yours down (I have so many big dreams I want to accomplish and every other idea I shared with my ex was pushed back on or breadcrumbed. I wanted to live abroad, he’d say it’s too expensive but maybe he could find a way to make it work if I stopped putting so much pressure on him. I took over my own business, he told me I shouldn’t do it and should quit while I’m ahead. He would always try to counter every idea I had with a “logical reason” of why it wouldn’t work. He would try to control me by doubting me and in turn trying to get me to doubt myself. I never actually listened to him in hindsight, and when I pushed through successfully he would pretend to have been on my side the whole time.)

-They always compare you to their exes, in bold ways (My ex would always go out of his way to bring up his past relationships. The examples and instances were never appropriate. But one of the first worst early examples was when we were at a show. My friend’s band was playing. In the middle of the set he decided to look up his ex on social media. I was clearly uncomfortable but he continued. Then when we’re talking he brought up a nickname she used to call him that was inappropriate. When I was upset by this he threw a shirt (merch gifted to him by my friend’s band) in the booth almost hitting me with it and he stormed off. He made himself seem like the victim in a situation where he was trying to bait me into starting a public argument and yet made me soothe him afterward.)

- The betrayal of not ever being believed (early on this was another giant red flag in hindsight. I’m black and I tried to explain colorism to him, while I was having a bad experience with it. He’s white and should have been listening and understanding with open ears. Instead he tried to argue me down for being “mean” to light skinned black people. In the experience I was talking about how a mixed femme at work established a boundary with our white bosses to try to avoid racist harm. They let the femme do this without any pushback. I tried to establish the same boundary in the same meeting and those white bosses accused me of actively refusing to do my job. I told my ex this was colorist and that’s when he argued with me about this. He didn’t believe my experiences until he googled “the right articles”. When I brought this up in the future he would say he was just trying to see all black people as equal. It was a pretty disgusting defense.)

- Throwing insults in your face about past trauma (I told my ex about how emotionally abusive my mother was (wow there’s that pattern again) and he would throw this in my face and blame me or compare me to her at the slightest provocation in several arguments. When I was disrespected at work, he would blame me for misinterpreting things. Complaining about how I used him for money whenever I had asked him for help managing the business’ expenses. And so many deep cuts of things he should never said to me and names he shouldn’t have called me if he ever cared about me. He always wrote it off as me misremembering or him meaning it as something else or a distraction tactic of whataboutism -‘what about when you complained that I left dirty clothes on the floor?’ For example. All ways he tried to manipulate me from seeing this pattern of messed up behavior. Every argument he would make us talk in circles until I would have to give up from frustration and exhaustion.)

-They’re full of hot air, and if they seem like they aren’t they’re probably mirroring you (when I broke up with him I stopped hanging out with him pretty much immediately. Although I had to coordinate moving out still, I started keeping my head down to focus on my work. Essentially I had already moved on. I thought we had had deep discussions about the world and life but when I had less to say he had nothing to add. He would just keep filling up the air with anecdotes about nothing and commentary on anything just to keep crossing my boundaries and to try to force me to pay attention to him when it was clear I neither interested or comfortable doing so.)

- They try to force you to become as cynical and jaded as they are (I was never antagonistic per se, but when we were together I had unconsciously started looking/preparing for the worst in every scenario and every person I’d meet. Because of my ex’s toxic influence. Getting along with coworkers? They must be just “kissing up to you” according to him. Like that tv show most people are fond of? No way that has to be trash. Want to try something new? No there can’t be anything good about that. He was a very stuck person that refused to find the joy in almost anything. Unless it was too impressive to ignore —but even then he had to nitpick it apart. I would wonder why his compliments would feel so hollow- it was because he really had trouble seeing the good in anything. Like a day or two after we broke up I was already feeling lighter and more optimistic. When people were kind to me I embraced it easier and in turn every aspect of life got a little brighter. The contempt for others was palatable. Because he expected everyone to be ready to undercut him like he was ready to do to them.)

- Before you know it, they’ll have you romanticizing breadcrumbing behavior (I asked my ex to get on meds for his mental health and to find a therapist so many times over the course of 5 years. 4-5 months before I broke up with him he got on medication. Then after a peace period of a month or so, we were back in a cycle of petty arguments and he was saying the meds don’t work. He didn’t even try to go to therapy until I broke up with him. he got an appointment the next day because he “was trying to win me back” Essentially, he’d never work on himself or actually actively improve things. He’d always make one or two half steps to placate me then complain about how it was too hard and completely impossible to put the work in. Even with the therapy example, he wanted to display that he could make progress in order to win me back. Don’t worry, I had seen this tactic before and knew he would just fall back into toxicity. So, it didn’t work.)

- When you do leave they get cocky about how you’ll have nowhere to go (I leaned on my ex to support me when I became overwhelmed by figuring out my business on my own. I worked several temp jobs in addition to the business but it was stretching me thin. So I needed his help several times and only had so much saved up by the time I broke up with him. After begging me to take him back the entire night and pretending to be supportive, the next day he was scoffing and boasting about how “[he] didn’t even know what [I] was going to do.” He did this over everything from buying my own detergent-even though I always bought the detergent- to managing my bills on my own-even though I usually managed most of my bills on my own- until I finally was able to move out and leave him behind.)

- They never defend you and always make it seem like it’s your fault if you get attacked (My ex was always siding with abusive people and gaslighting me when I noticed that behavior. As many of you may know, my mom was a terror throughout my childhood. I confided in my ex about how much of an impact this had had on me. Before I went no contact with her we all got dinner when she came in town to see me. Despite all my warnings and preemptive begging to be supported through the difficulty of meeting with her my ex threw me under the bus immediately. He laughed at her jokes at my expense and didn’t stop her at all from singling me out. I shutdown in this moment and began to draw to cope- I’m neurodivergent so that’s one of the things I default to doing when I’m overwhelmed. They continued to make fun of me together and when I asked him why he didn’t have my back afterward, he blamed me for “not being friendly enough” and “not interacting with [my] mom enough”. This pattern of doubting and failing to help me would continue through our entire relationship.)

- They’ll have -self aware- moments that aren’t quite what they seem (I truly cannot count the number of times my ex would start an argument just to talk me in circles then try to get me to believe I was in the wrong too. It was truly maddening. He would always push to say he “understood” how we had gotten there. Then ramble on and on and on saying that I was attacking him and he was the victim of things. I asked him to do the dishes? I’m “criticizing [his] housework and putting too much pressure on [him]”. I ask him not to throw things when he’s upset? I’m “overly criticizing [him] and making [him] so anxious he can’t help but hit things”. And on and on and on it went. He would always tidy it up by saying he forgave me because we were “both wrong” and he just “would try to be better next time and [I] should too”.)

-They have underlying personality issues that need to be addressed (and when you bring a hint of these up, they lash out about how you’re attacking them and they throw personal attacks back at you because of their fragile ego. If you -somehow- get them to see a mental health professional you may find them lying about what feedback they got. After I broke up with him he said he’d go to anger management class and find a therapist “to win me back”- funny how it’s after you leave them and set the ultimate boundary they do the work to show you they can hypothetically change and it’s never one of the times you’ve begged before in the midst of madness. Before I moved out I overheard his therapy appointment and she asked about his bipolar diagnosis and he said he was just anxious despite the mood swings. When he came to me to tell me the good news of him finally going to therapy he left that out. When I asked if the therapist knew if he had another disorder he manipulated that. He said the therapist asked if it could be anything else but it was just a brief thought. He framed it that way instead of the consistent behavioral issue it was.)

- Usually they attract drama and chaos but blame you for it as their partner (He always kept his ex around in boundary crossing ways. In hindsight I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated in any way with any of them because of how murky he was about spending one on one time with them. They also will always encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life so they can keep flying under the radar/blaming the other toxic people when you feel drained/etc. When I decided to go no contact with my parents, he second guessed me. When I decided to go no contact with my friends that were harmful, he second guessed me. He went out of his way to call me paranoid and picky and every other name in the book he could. Even after I broke up with him he went out of his way to tell me I was paranoid and should quit tarot reading “because [he] knew it would turn [me] against [him] one day”. I told him his opinion meant less than nothing to me.)

- Whenever you set a boundary they try to undermine it and take it as an attack (When we met, all of my ex’s small circle of friends was made up of people he had dated or slept with. Once his friend, who had flirted with him multiple times, asked to stay in his apartment while she moved out of her place. He offered her his bed. She even had a boyfriend at the time but she went to my ex first. I told him this made me very uncomfortable. He screamed and yelled about how he’ll always choose his friends first and I have to understand that and that she didn’t want to sleep in his bed while he was in it. It was crazy but the whole time he called me dramatic and made me feel insane for being so uncomfortable with it.)

- They may often act out in public over the littlest things (my ex would get absolutely infuriated when there were lines in places. Insane right? Especially living in cities? with other people? And yet whenever we went out I’d have to prepare my mental for the possibility of him getting angry and breaking down because people were waiting ahead of him in line. In hindsight the entitlement he had was overwhelming in itself. The last time we went out to a movie -which was a whole scheduling fiasco in of itself with him during our entire relationship, he was obsessed with movies. I like movies but spending 6-9 hours in a theater? Every week? On top of hours of mandatory movie viewing at home? It was exhausting. He also made me pay for my own monthly movie pass even though it was his thing. Even in covid, although I’m immunocompromised I had to negotiate with him to wait to get vaccinated before he went back to the theater. And to wear a mask in the showings. He would huff and fuss about those small courtesies the entire time. Anyway the last movie we went out to see had a long line but we bought tickets ahead of time. He pitched a fit and kept storming off away from me and threatening to leave over the line. I kept following him foolishly, and coaxed him into staying. Of course there were enough seats and of course he enjoyed the movie. He apologized after for “getting overwhelmed by the line” but that shouldn’t have happened in the first place.)

- It’s all or nothing for them but breadcrumbs for you (I’ve always been clear that I have no plans of staying in the country I’m from. From the start I’ve understood I’m not meant to stay here. And yet I stayed in a city I hated so he could suddenly finish his associates degree. We moved back to my hometown but we lived in the most stressful neighborhood because he “wanted to be downtown with a pool.” He would always complain about every single idea I had to leave the country. I’m thinking about doing a language school or artist residency? He “did long distance with [his] ex who cheated and it would be too hard”. I want to study this language and go to this -easy-place for a visa? He “kept forgetting to study and had no idea how we would ever afford the move.” And on and on it went until I simply gave up on trying to get him to step up.)

- They twist everything to be about them even grief (my grandma was like a mother to me, so it hit me hard when she died. She even told me she was going and thanked me for my friendship at the end. It was still a very difficult period and I couldn’t accept it until it just happened. When I got the call and burst into tears my ex said “I’m so sorry… do you blame me because we stayed here for me to go to school and you couldn’t be home with her?” It hadn’t even been 20 minutes since I learned she was gone. The extent of his selfishness would shock me until I cut him off.)

- They make you bury things they don’t like about your self expression/goals (I’ll use a simple example. I love fairy lights. When we met I had fairy lights and my ex had no complaints. But when we moved in together they ‘would always bother him and give him headaches’. So I took out the lights. Then he got me a glowing lamp I wanted for my birthday but never allowed me to turn it on when we were in the room. I brought the lights I love to my work and my ex would complain about them there too. He’d say he didn’t know why he “just didn’t like spending time at the studio” and then use the lights as an excuse, and then hed complain all day about how exhausting it was to be there. He’d only offer to come to the studio more if I turned them off just for him. All this time later and all of a sudden I don’t have any lights I like up. This didn’t happen for everything, but there were a lot of little things he was so controlling about just to be authoritative about something I liked.)

- They hate it when you have positive things happen to you (and instead of seeing your success as a good thing they see it as you one upping them, so they often express jealousy and then disguise it as a joke. He would “joke” about how I was going to fail so often I lost count. When I had a great day there would always be a hint of disappointment in his voice. He would always undermine it in anyway he could. “Oh you made X amount that’s nice, but that’s not enough to cover the rent”. I got a lot of compliments on my outfits, so he’d say “no one ever compliments me”. Always something to bring me down and try to get me to focus on a worry.)

- They downplay your trauma (I’m a burn survivor. My dad burned me through hot water and neglect as a baby on around 20% of my body. For that and many other reasons I became sort of a local legend for my time in our local child protective services. In a city of well over a million people. Doctors thought I wouldn’t be able to walk again and it was a miracle when I did. My grandmother had to wrap my scars everyday, twice a day for 3-4 years afterwards. She would tell me the pain would make me cry random throughout the night until I went to kindergarten. All that to say, my scars had a BIG impact on my health and my life. When I told my ex about my insecurity he said “sorry that happened, but it’s not that big of a deal.” Crazily at 21 I took that as flattery. It was not, it was severely downplaying the trauma I went through because my ex didn’t care for that part of my life. I even remember thinking I should tag a post as a burn survivor and he said “isn’t that like advertising your burns, why warn people about it?”. I got better and embraced my scars all through my own healing but damn it was all severely fucked up.)

- They usually have a Fatal Flaw they try to make you contend with (My ex had explosive anger where he would hit something (a wall, the couch, his desk, etc) or throw things at any slight provocations, and he would disguise it as a reaction of low self esteem instead. I didn’t realize how bad the conditioning had got until I broke up with him and I wasn’t getting jumpy from him coming home anymore or my dog wasn’t hiding from him anymore. I was walking on eggshells all the time and I only knew it subconsciously. He would also curse at me and call me the meanest names from the smallest arguments, he would get belittling. It’s their signature style to make you feel small and to desensitize you to truly nightmarish behavior.)

- That’s the other thing- most people and sometimes animals can tell they’re off (I would always wonder why my ex never seemed to make a good impression on others. They could tell he was off from the start.)

- They start trying to love bomb you after you give up or when they sense you are finally giving up (I always asked my ex to pay more attention to my business/endeavors/art/etc when we were together, to respond to texts I sent him at work-within reason-, to give me some support or feedback. His replies were always blasé. “That’s nice.” Or “I will.” As soon as I broke up with him. He was complaining that he always missed texting me at work. Then he started getting more involved on my social media pages. Then for the first time in months he watched my story on Instagram completely unwelcomed and unprompted. It was how fake the performance of interest was that really struck me after everything.)

- They always ask for one more chance when you’ve given them at least a hundred chances (Evem when I broke up with him he kept saying “you cut off other people (for being toxic) but I never thought it would be me!” I feel like I’ve already put plenty of examples of this, so I’ll just say this points to the fact that at their base motivation they don’t really respect you or care about you. If someone actually cares about you, they’re going to go out of their way to make you comfortable, to care about your opinions and feedback, from the very start)

- Even when it’s over, they still always try to blame you for their bad behavior. (My ex painted himself as an introvert when he was in a relationship. I had always asked him to make -newer, healthier- friends and to make a social effort. Since the beginning. After we broke up he made an effort to go out to social events. After he went out one day he came back and said “I was such a girlfriend guy, I never went out and socialized!” In turn I said you’re not a girlfriend guy you never cared about what I had to say, if you were a girlfriend guy I wouldn’t have had to break up with you for literally never taking me into account. So that ended that.)

- When it’s over the relief hits you in waves (I didn’t even realize how much I was doing to cope with the hostility and boredom of the relationship until it was over. I stopped overeating, I actually lost my appetite for days. I went from taking edibles every week to not even craving the ones I had. I wasn’t the most indulgent but I was shocked by how immediately I was fine with going cold turkey. My time with myself became even more peaceful. Even before I moved out, I was more creative and productive. I felt the beauty and the optimism of all the little moments deep in my spirit and my glow was brighter than ever before. My ex kept turning to me in despair and asking “how can you be so okay with this??” I answered him indifferently because he wasn’t worth entertaining. But obviously my spirit had been restored, I wasn’t wasting love on anyone that didn’t deserve it anymore. My energy was finally all mine. And I had faith in God that everything would be alright. And it was.)

You slowly but surely realize that you were formed to be a victim of a narcissistic/antagonistic person due to being raised by narcissistic parents and in an environment full of enabling emotionally and verbally abusive behavior. When we met I was so vulnerable. I had moved to a new city on my own, I was in a financially precarious place. The city was The Worst for Black people (tm). I was so desperate for an ally, I caught an energy vampire instead. I’ve healed and learned a lot from this. To be much more deliberate about who I let into my life. To be unafraid of purging and moving on when someone shows you they’re incapable of growth. To not accept crumbs of affection and appreciation. To pour my love into myself first before I let anyone else do the same. So I write all this to say, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that some people are so corrupted to the core that they’d rather destroy you than heal themselves. So… forgive yourself for this experience. Forgive yourself for being a person that just loves and cares about others. That believes in cultivating a world full of warmth and compassion. Don’t let one (or a dozen- ugh the people I’ve had to move on from oml) toxic ass person ruin you and your compassion. I had to forgive myself for believing in a lot of disappointing, inept, bad people. But I won’t stop being kind and compassionate because of those losers. I’ll continue to shine my light on those who need it whenever I’m supposed to. I mean I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rely on anyone again without fear of their self interest but one step at a time, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Anyway, wish me luck on this fresh start. Buy a reading if you want to support me. But yeah, thanks for reading y’all.

#astro observations #astroblr #astro notes #astro community #astrology #lilith astrology #healing #karma #life lessons #false soulmate

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20doozers · 5 months

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★House party★

A/N: this is a fem version of my fic House party made cause @tomssexdoll wanted it.

TW: Angst, hints of a crush, being in the closet, cuddling, alcohol, underage drinking (depending on where you’re from), f!reader, hopeless love

You and Tom have hated each other since middle school, but always had this sort of flirty nature with each other, despite not liking each other, Tom would always do things like slap your ass or sit on your lap, hug you from behind, etc.

Tom and his brother bill were hosting a party at their house where almost the whole school would be there. It was crowded, loud music playing over everything and drunk people everywhere. Yet as Tom walked through the crowd, he spotted you, walking up behind you and wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Hey doll.” He murmured into your ear, being just loud enough for you to hear him over the loud music.

You sighed, taking a small sip from the red plastic solo cup in your hand that was filled with only god knows what type of drink. You stayed silent, not wanting to put up with his antics or his breath that reeked of alcohol. Tom had a lit joint in his hand and took a few drags of it before he began speaking again.

“Why’re you so quiet today?”

He takes another hit before offering the joint to you.

“You always have something sassy to say.”

You shook your head, not taking the joint since you knew weed would just make you feel worse. You felt so icky, like a mix of overstimulated but understimulated at the same time. But would you tell Tom that? No. You just felt icky,maybe because it wasn’t your type of environment but you couldn’t really tell.

Tom frowned when you refused to smoke, he knew something was up when he was acting like this, so he put the joint down and just wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer into his body as he turned you around to face him.

“Are you alright? You’ve been acting kinda off all night… Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

He asked softly, almost as if the two weren’t supposed to be enemies. You just shook your head weakly and hid your face in the crook of Tom’s neck, not wanting to face your problems but just wanting some form of physical support. Tom could feel his heart beating in his chest, his face flushing at the feeling of his arms around you, and you being so close. He would never admit it out loud, but he always found you really really cute when you were like this.

“What’s wrong sweetheart? You okay?” he spoke softly into you hair. You shook your head weakly. “no…”

“C’mon talk to me..Please? I can’t help unless you tell me what’s wrong..” He rubs your back softly, whispering to you, it was only you two in your little world right now.

You just shook your head once more, not having the energy or emotional power to be verbal about anything. Tom figured he just needed to take you upstairs to his bedroom, some peace and quiet would help, right? Tom sighs quietly, bringing his arms up and under you to scoop you up. He began walking upstairs towards his bedroom, carrying you like a baby. After a few minutes they were in his room, where he gently placed you on the bed.

It felt so much more relaxing up there, away from all of the people and noise downstairs. You sat there on his bed, watching as he shut and locked his bedroom door for privacy, making sure no drunk party guest could waltz into his room. Tom turned on some soft music, shutting off all of the lights besides a dim lamp. He sat down next to you, wrapping an arm around you. He looked at you. He just needed you to be happy.

“Are you okay? you wanna talk now?..” You shook your head slightly, it’s not that you couldn’t talk, you just didn’t want to. You cuddled into Tom’s side, your body aching for some sort of stimulation while your mind ached for solitude. You didn’t know what you was feeling, you I sure as hell felt better with Tom.

Tom smiled softly, running his fingers through your hair. Your face was buried against his chest as he ran his fingers through your hair, it was very soothing. Tom had to admit to himself he really loved when you were so quiet, and just snuggling into him like this. He pulled you even closer, burying his nose in your hair, the scent of it made him smile.

You smelled so sweet, better than any girl he’d ever been with. Tom loved how you smelled, like the one time you accidentally left your sweater with him and he cuddled it to sleep that night. Either way you and tom were supposed to hate eachother, even though you really didn’t.

Tom loved that you left your scent every where you went. He even loved when you smelled of perfume. He loved that you were the only person who made his heart beat like this. He had never admitted it to anyone, but he thought you were perfect. Everything about you was perfect, your scent, your looks, everything. His eyes shut and his face flushed as he remembered how he cuddled with your jacket that night, he was supposed to hate you. But why couldn’t he just make you his?

You were cuddled into his chest, almost asleep at this point from exhaustion. You had your eyes closed and your breathing was steady, yet you were still somewhat awake, but not for very long.

Tom knew you were exhausted, and he knew you were on the brink of sleep. But he didn’t want you to sleep, not yet. He stayed there, running his fingers through your hair, wishing that this moment would never end. He just wanted to stay here with you.. forever.. he knew that probably sounded stupid, but he had felt this way since middle school. Tom never understood why he loved you, and he was too scared to ask out of fear of rejection..

Nobody really knew why you two were enemies, all they thought was something went bad between you, yknow, typical middle school stuff. But it was so much more than that, Tom was scared, scared of being rejected, scared of ruining things, yet more importantly he was scared of falling in love.

“If only they knew the truth..” He whispered quietly to himself, running his fingers through your hair. He thought of how nice this moment was, how he just wanted to stay here and in this moment forever. But he had to face reality, and he could never tell you how he felt in-front of those other people downstairs. He wasn’t sure if you felt the same. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if you liked him. So he just stayed there, waiting, waiting for a possible moment to reveal his feelings..

“..hm..?” You croaked quietly, your eyes fluttering open to look at him with a sleepy expression. When you looked up at him, his face flushed slightly. He quickly looked away to hide the slight blush. Tom never blushed, he didn’t want to look like a fool, but he couldn’t help the way his heart was beating right now. “N-nothing.. Just, uh, just talking to myself..” He mumbled out, awkwardly.

“Mmh..” You murmured and slowly fell back asleep, comfy in Tom’s arms for the first time. Tom smirked as he saw you fall back asleep, cuddling you closer, wrapping his free arm around you. Now that he could have you all to himself, he snuggled his face back into your hair, and breathed in the scent that he loved. He just laid there with you, not a single person in the world except the two of you. The two of you in your own little bubble. Tom would’ve been happy to stay like this for forever.

But Tom knew he’d truly never have the courage to confess, so for now he just stayed quiet, happy to have you in his arms even if it was only temporary…

“What?! A f!reader fic? I thought you were a sexist fag!” Crazy right? Me writing a fem fic, well not really writing but you know what I mean. Like stated at the top, @tomssexdoll asked very nicely so I did because I’m not an asshole🥰 love you guys! @billskeis you you might like this too.

Tags: @tomssexdoll @itsmealaiah @goreishgorinthgoreofshits @estxkios @cherry-rawr @charliesgoodboy @madzandmore

Lemme know if you wanna be on the tag list!

#tokio hotel x you #tom kaulitz #kaulitz #tom kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz imagines #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel fluff #tokio hotel imagine #tokiohotel #tokio hotel

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escapingrealtiylovinginsanity · 5 months

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[Not] Guilty Part 2

Part 1

A few people expressed interest in this becoming a series. I had a storyline for it when I made the first ‘chapter’. I do warn you guys though I will probably be slow to post. I have a hard time when I feel like I have to write the next chapter of something. Not to mention I am currently packing (and procrastinating packing by writing) to move from Michigan to Tennessee for my new post-grad job!

This is not a spoiler because I hinted heavily (told you really) at it at the end of the first chapter, but I did want to warn everyone- this has the ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY TROPE. For those of you who do not like those stories, you have been warned. The case is mentioned in this story but is not its main focus, but what will become of the reader and Sonny’s relationship. (I may change the name because it implies otherwise.)

Warnings- mentions of sex abuse, physical abuse, prison violence, suicide and accidental pregnancy trope (just in case you missed it ^)

Thank you for reading that really long author's note <3

The breakup should be harder on you. It was the longest relationship you had been in. The nervousness you had felt when you had crept up to the six-month marker and the kiss of death to every relationship you had ever had. It had come in like a lion, with you causing fights waiting for the inevitable, and out like a lamb when Sonny realized what the problem was. He had maturely communicated that he had no intent in letting you go. It had been smooth sailing for the most part after that. The relief you had felt when it all just seemed to work out. You guys were just a few weeks away from the year mark.

The end was as abrupt as your cousin Randy’s arrest. The betrayal of Sonny going after him without any regard to you. Then the attempted railroading from him to you of Randy’s guilt. The whole thing had left you cold and numb.

You knew Dominick Carisi was a good lawyer and now he could be the one to put Randy away for life. On a charge you were sure he didn’t commit. You hadn’t seen him much since the day you refused to let him into your apartment. You only saw him during court proceedings or meetings with him and Randy’s defense lawyer. Not that he hadn’t tried. He had called, texted, and stopped by your apartment frequently during the first few weeks. You were sure he thought that you were just overacting and that you would come to see the light of your cousin’s misdoings. Process and then accept what was going on. The only difference was you knew deep in your soul that your cousin wasn’t guilty. You wouldn't let anyone railroad you into thinking anything differently.

Not even a man you loved.

You had been actively avoiding him and any emotion that he provoked. You tried to ignore that you were a hot mess. The stress and emotional strain caused constant fatigue and churning in your stomach which had a tendency to make you sick. You had been trying to take care of everything for the case and still work overtime to continue paying your bills and for Randy’s pricy lawyer. You had even tried to get the money to bail Randy out, but Sonny had asked for an outrageous bond that even combined your working-class family couldn’t afford. You had tried to make up for it by putting money in his commissary and visiting once a week. Randy assured you he was okay, but it didn’t help make you feel better. Especially, when you saw the black eye and cut lip on your last visit.

Today was court and it was Randy’s turn to testify. You sat there in support of him and tried not to wince or shift uncomfortably as years of family secrets were let loose in open court. It was to help show Randy’s character the lawyer had explained. It was smart but you didn’t have to like listening to it.

Randy testified to his mental health issues. His bipolar that left him manic and on top of the world one day and then so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed the next. He went on to talk about the sexual and physical abuse he had received at the hands of his own father. How he had used substance to numb himself. He was in tears when he talked about how he could never hurt someone like he had been hurt. He would rather put a bullet in his head.

He had tried to skirt around the question about his uncle. But when he was pressed, he talked about how he had witnessed the brutal murder of his father at his uncle's hands when he had found out and then watched his uncle be arrested and put in prison. How he had been put on multiple 72-hour psych holds in the years following. Listening to it all was hard and made you want to curl up in a corner and sob. It was heartbreaking to listen to. Randy looked and sounded believable- like a victim himself who deserved empathy.

Sonny turned in his seat to look at you. You were only able to maintain eye contact for only a few seconds. It had been long enough to see the understanding in his eyes. The almost audible clicking of all the puzzle pieces of your life that you dodged around or refused to talk about when you were together were finally coming together for him. You could also see the frustration at you not being honest with him and him being blindsided in open court.

When recess was called until Monday you had to keep yourself from running out of the courthouse and instead force yourself to walk at a normal pace. You couldn’t face any of the SVU detectives that you were once close to. You hear your name called and your body freezes without your permission. A Staten Island accent thickened with emotion. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You can’t even turn back to look at him. You feel exhausted as you say. “You didn’t want to listen.”

≪ °❈° ≫

You return to court four days later, and there is something strange brewing in the courtroom. You can feel it in the air. You can see it. There is no jury and the courtroom is empty. The rest happens in a blur. ADA Dominick Carisi stands up and tells the judge they had found further evidence over the weekend and they wanted to drop all charges, except for possession. They offered a deal on time served. You felt the tears rush down your face in disbelief.

You find yourself in the hallway and a hand touches your shoulder from behind. You turn around to see Olivia Benson. “For what it is worth, I’m sorry.” Her face is sincere but all you could hear in your mind was the echoing of her words to you of his guilt and how it was normal to be in denial. It could take a while for your mind to be able to comprehend that someone you know, and love is capable of such malicious intent. “For all the trouble and for all this has cost you.” Even in your haze, you knew she wasn’t talking about the money you had put into Randy’s defense. “With his DNA in her apartment and on that blunt we really thought-”

“Sharing weed with a woman doesn’t mean you're going to rape and kill her.” Your words are bitter and distant even to your own ears.

“Of course not,” Olivia paused gathering her thoughts.

“What happened? What did you guys find?”

“Well, we went back over the timeline. We had a hard time believing Randy because when we interviewed him, he didn’t even know where he had been for most of the night.” You knew he had been hopped up on some pretty strong stuff that night. “Do you know the cemetery a couple of blocks from where we arrested him?” You felt like a bolt of lightning had struck through you. You did in fact know it. It was where his older brother had been buried after he committed suicide at twenty. “There was a security camera there that had been installed because of some teenager destroying headstones. It shows Randy there hours before Mary Moore’s death to hours after it. He slept there all night actually.”

You huff out a laugh. Thomas was Randy’s older brother by almost ten years. He, out of the three sons, had taken the worst of the abuse from their father. He had protected Randy and the youngest David until the moment he had ended it all, but it seemed even death couldn’t stop him from protecting his younger brother.

You see Randy getting released, a bag of belongings in his hand and you start to head over to him completely forgetting that you had been in a conversation with the detective. You are only reminded when you hear her voice raise slightly as she says, “You know, Carisi is the one that started looking back at the timeline. He is the reason this case was dropped.” You freeze feeling something twist in your stomach. An emotion that you don’t want to deal with in this happy moment.

“It doesn’t change anything.”

You stride to Randy’s side and hug. You weren’t allowed to touch him when you were visiting him in lockup. He clings to you burying his face into your neck and you can feel the hot tears against your neck. “Thank you. Thank you so much for never giving up on me.” You hug him tighter feeling your own tears roll down your cheeks.

≪ °❈° ≫

You were sitting back at the apartment curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket as Randy was spending an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, just happy that he was home. Even if he was back to crashing on your couch. He joined on the couch, hair still wet from his shower. He leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. The two of you sat in silence processing all that had happened in the last four months.

“I found a rehab program when I was locked up. It focuses on people with mental health issues like my bipolar. I called and they said they had a spot open for me. Someone ran out. Good luck, huh?” You laugh shaking your head.

“Good to know you still have your positivity streak.” You lay back feeling absolutely exhausted. You had been having a fatigue that just wouldn’t go away. “I think it's a good idea though. It would be good for you to get that settled. Your being off and on your meds hasn't been helping. I just want you to be happy, and have a real chance at the life you deserve.”

“Yeah, I know. I hope you know I appreciate everything you have done for me. Everything that you have had to sacrifice.” You say his name, but he cuts you off, “No, really Chickadee. All these years, you didn’t have to do any of it. Without you, I would have been dead or locked up three times over by now.” You reach out and start running your finger through his hair. “It’ll probably be good for you to have to space anyways.”

“I don’t mind you sleeping on my couch.” You assure him.

“I know, but with you being pregnant and all. I’m sure you-”

“I’m sorry about me being what?” Randy doesn’t miss a beat.

“Oh, come on Chickadee. I know you were trying not to make a big deal out of it because of everything that was going on but-” You shake your head at him, laughing.

“Randy, I’m not pregnant.” The finality in your voice makes him turn his position to face you more fully. He quirks an eyebrow at you.

“Are you sure about that?” His tone is one of disbelief as he eyes your form. You smack his shoulder saying his name loudly. “Well, I would check into that, anyhow. You know with the fatigue, upset stomach, morning sickness, and with how big those things have gotten.” He gestures to your breast with a wave of his hand.

You look down at them and feel your mind starting to spiral as you try to think of the last time you had a period. You bite your thumb as you realize it was before the case had started. While it wasn’t uncommon for you to skip when you were stressed out, that was a considerable amount of time. “Alright, I’m kicking you out of my bed. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in almost four months.” Randy didn’t seem to notice your mind spinning. He thought that you were still just messing around with him. He had no idea the can of worms he had just opened in your head.

You stood up numbly as he started making the couch his makeshift bed. Then flopping onto it with a content sigh. You say nothing as you go to grab your purse and head toward the drug store a block over.

#law and order special victims unit #law and order svu #svu #dominick carisi #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x you

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strayrumia · 5 months

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Unfamiliarity (oneshot)

felix x fem!reader

Synopsis: After her break-up from her long-term relationship, [Y/n] is left wondering if she was deserving of love and gentleness. Fortunately for her, she has a best friend who's been supporting her since the beginning. Not only that, but he's also more than happy to show her she deserves the love she longed for. -or- [Y/n] is left touch-deprived and doubting that she's deserving of anything wholesome after having left a relationship that left her with nothing but heartbreak, trauma, and neglect. Her best friend proves her wrong.

Genre(s): fluffy ending, implied best friends to lovers (can be taken platonically), angst Other tags: non!idol au, (wholesome) physical touch Content/Trigger Warning(s): mentions of SA (s*xual ab*se) and emotional ab*se from past relationship, very heavy mentions of insecurity and feeling worth is based off s*x, mentions of food

[A/N]: This is more of a ventfic and something that I wanted to just let out. It might not be the best fic I've written as it has a VERY open ending/lacks a proper ending. I also wrote this late at night, very head-empty. I hope if you do read it, you'll feel heard or a reminder that you deserve the love you give to others! <3

--------

Weeks.

Has it been weeks?

No, it's actually been a few months since the day you gained the confidence and willpower to walk out on your past and very toxic relationship. You've kept track. After all, you thought your ex would be hurting too, until you've discovered from mutual friends that he had already moved on.

That's right. At first, it was a mention from a mutual that they've heard him mention on his own socials that he was going to a concert - a concert of a group you were very confident he didn't know nor listen to very much. Then the day came when it was the supposed concert. You saw on another mutual friend's Instagram that he was seeing the group with the same girl he told you not to worry about countless times prior. The same girl who he would not hesitate to make time when she said the word, yet when you asked him for his time, he would throw a fit. Then goes the most recent news - that he was supposedly trying to get on his coworker.

This boy was the same one who told you, when you sobbed to him while trying to stand your ground, that he didn't agree to this relationship ending and he wanted to continue fighting for you two. The same one that told you that he'd rather you stay with him and heal than walk away. The same one who told you, "will we ever be together again in the future?"

It hurt.

It hurt knowing that this person you gave five long, hard years for threw you away so easily. You fought for him despite your friends and family refusing to support your relationship, despite the fact that they all mentioned how he had red flags yet your young, naive self gave him the benefit of the doubt. You fought for him, yet you got taken advantage of in more ways than you want to remember while he felt little to no remorse for his actions as his words never aligned.

It hurt knowing that while you gave a lot of love to him, you're left wondering if you're even enough for another person, if there will ever be someone in your life to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. While you were still healing, your ex, who you walked away still full of love, was ready to find the next person to fuck around with.

Though many of your friends suggested you to hop on the dating apps and just fuck your feelings away to those who had no strings attached, you knew you couldn't do that. You love with your whole heart. Sure you can sleep with others and enjoy the sex life with potential partners who shared your kinky fantasies, but how can you? Your relationship was full of one-sided lust that you felt like you were only good for sex.

You were healing a lot faster now that months had gone by since your breakup, but it didn't stop the thoughts of insecurity that would constantly come up every now and then. You've gone on many hangouts with friends who happened to be dating and seen just how wonderfully they treat each other and it makes you wonder... 'Will I ever get that kind of treatment?'

After your breakup, you made a vow to yourself that you would set aside as much time as you can to spend with your friends and family, the very people who supported you individually from the start and continued to even after that. Through each hangout, your best friend, Felix, was there every step of the way.

He was always there since the beginning. He was there when he warned you about your ex before you got into that relationship. He was there during your entire relationship, albeit being at a bit of a distance to respect your space and privacy with your partner. Lastly, he's there for you right now.

You had spent the whole day with him, letting the day be a normal hangout - one that allowed you two to enjoy board games with other friends before they had to go home, leaving you alone in your small apartment with Felix.

After the mutual friends had left, Felix had noticed your mood shift slightly towards the end of the game night and decided to bake you some chocolate chip cookies as a treat to cheer you up. He knew they were your favorite sweet treats after all. While he prepped the ingredients and put up a YouTube video in the background, you scrolled through your Instagram feed lazily, only to have the worst timing and notice the same girl you were warned to not worry about post about your ex yet again. Yes you were doing better in this healing process but the pain was still ever so present.

You let out an exasperated sigh as your head dropped into your folded arms against the counter, causing Felix to look up from the video and pause. "Are you alright?"

You only responded with an unhappy, muffled groan in your arms. Felix raised an eyebrow at you as his gaze shifted towards the phone in your hand. Your screen stayed stagnant on the post with your friend and your ex.

"You know, you could always remove this girl from your socials. Why don't you? It's not like you still talk to her." Felix suggested, taking your phone out of your hands and analyzing the post.

"She hasn't done anything directly to make me have a reason to cut her off... it wouldn't be right." You retorted. That thought often crossed your mind without him even mentioning it if you were being honest. It would lift a mental load on you to remove the last person who wanted to associate with your ex from your social media, but you still felt it was wrong to remove someone who never hurt you, at least with intention.

Felix scoffed. "Does it matter? She doesn't know him well enough to know what he did to you, or to anticipate what he might do to her. If it helps you in the long run, you might as well do it."

You ignored his reply, your thoughts were going elsewhere anyway. You stared into nothingness as the post's image burned into your brain, how happy the girl was to be beside the abuser. Your thoughts were going all over the place if you were being honest.

'Why do you want to associate with him? He's a horrible person! Ugh, but you don't know...'

'You don't even know how terrible he is, but I guess sometimes people only learn the hard way...'

'He literally told me not to worry about her and how he only saw her as a little sister figure but why was his hand so dangerously low in that photo...'

'Just how many lies did he feed me to keep me from trusting my gut feelings...'

'She is a pretty girl with a gorgeous figure... it's no wonder he kept his eyes on her.'

'She was the one worth driving an hour and more for without hesitation. She was the one he was willing to treat out to restaurants and gift flowers for. I was the inconvenience after all...'

Your thoughts were becoming sadder and darker as they went through each and every lie he told you. Tears began to well in your eyes until you suddenly felt your hand getting tugged, dragging you out of your thoughts and into the situation at hand. Felix started leading you towards your couch and maneuvered you into sitting onto his lap.

"Wh- Felix, what are you doing? I-I'm heavy!" You started to get embarrassed and immediately tried to lift yourself from his lap, only for him to keep you there with his arms. He kept you in a gentle yet firm embrace that prevented you from trying to escape.

"You're not even heavy, stop it." You stopped squirming and just continued to avoid his gaze. You knew if he saw the tears threatening to fall from your eyes you would hear it from him, but he surprisingly said nothing as he kept you in his arms.

He reached over to the side and grabbed a blanket nearby, drooping over his back before he took each end to make his way to wrap you in. He gently cradled your head into his neck, his head sitting softly atop yours. His other arm kept you in an unescapable hold while rubbing small circles on your back. Although you wanted to escape out of embarrassment, you didn't retaliate to his small, gentle gestures. You felt your muddy thoughts begin to clear out as Felix continued to cradle you in his arms.

"Felix... what are you doing?" You repeated with more naivety and less aggression.

"What does it look like, [Y/n]?"

Your face began to flush, but you tried your best to pay it no mind. "You don't need to do this to me, okay? I don't... I don't deserve it."

"Why do you think you don't deserve it?"

The post burned into your mind again. "Because... there are better people out there who deserve it more than I do." Like her. I'm not someone you should be doing these kinds of things to. I don't deserve it.

"Hmm... maybe you're right, but I know you deserve to feel secure and have affection too." Felix replied, adjusting slightly to turn your head to face his direction as he started brushing his fingers through your hair, pushing your loose strands away from your face to the best of his ability in your position. The gesture small yet soothing, an unfamiliar feeling that you definitely leaned into and enjoyed every minute of.

"I can't imagine what he put you through but what I can tell you is that you too are deserving of more than just being treated as an object. You're not an object, you're a human, okay? So don't ever treat yourself as anything less when you deserve more."

You felt the tears in your eyes rebuild from the ever growing happiness in your heart hearing his words, but you fought them from overflowing. You shook your head, wanting to retort more but as you opened your mouth, the words never left your throat. It felt that if you tried to counter Felix again, the tears would win over and you wouldn't be able to stop. 'I really don't...'

"[Y/n]," he softly pressed his lips against the crown of your head. "You deserve to feel loved too. You deserve to experience the joys of getting a wonderful surprise from your support system. You deserve to be invited and brought to cute and romantic dates with lots of effort. You deserve something even as simple as handholding!"

It's as if he felt your tears fall because he pulled you away from him to use his free hand to gently wipe away the tears from your eyes, not caring that they lightly stained his sleeve and shirt. He continued to brush your loose hairs away from your facial features as he made sure you kept your eyes on him. "You are loved and you will experience that love too. If you allow me, I will show you exactly how you should be treated - although, it might just be the same as what we already do."

"But... what would be the difference between the things we do now compared to the things we will do after this point?"

"Well, I guess I won't have to hold back how I feel about you. That would probably be the only difference." He said with a small chuckle. "But you don't have to worry about anything, I don't expect you to feel anything right away nor do I want you to feel rushed into deciding anything with me. I just want you to experience the love, respect, and happiness you're supposed to have."

You thought about it with a smile. Your current experience with Felix as of recently has been filled with nothing but joy and laughter. There would be times where you would vent about your healing thoughts and he would generously offer an ear and shoulder. Most of the time, however, it was genuine laughs and happiness that triggered your habit of hiccupping when you laughed too hard. Those memories you've made with him recently just made you enjoy his presence more and more. It was no lie that he made sure he always thought of your picky habits whenever others wanted to go to a restaurant, how he made your heart flutter with every smile he shone at you and every gentlemanly gesture he did in consideration of you.

It wasn't going to be an easy lesson to relearn but you knew exactly what he was trying to teach you. You don't know how to accept such kind and affectionate gestures because you were so used to bland, lustful touches. You didn't think you deserved to be treated so delicately when all you've known is how to be used and thrown to the side when the other was no longer satisfied.

It was hard, but you can feel your healing process become much easier and smoother with Felix by your side. After all, he knew you best, he witnessed you through your highs and lows to the point where he learned what ticked you off and what brought you the highest joy. He's someone who observed and applied what he learned to make sure you would be treated with the respect you deserved.

It won't be quick and it won't be easy, but one thing you know for sure is that you felt the most safe and loved with him than anyone you can ever imagine.

-End-

#tw abuse mention #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #felix x reader #felix scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids x reader

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rollinouttahere-writes · 5 months

Note

This question might be off topic..👀 or strange perhaps.

In your opinion , how do you think other Strawhats if each of them were in Luffy's place instead and instead of Ace , Luffy died at Marineford?

I am trying to find a way to draw other Strawhats but slightly having troubles with finding best devasted like poses/things they's do upon such trauma☆

This wound up focusing a lot more on the long term aftermath than the initial devastation because I believe it would be pretty similar for everyone (whole lot of screaming and crying), but I hope you still find this useful or at least fun to read.

In the event of Luffy dying at Marineford, everyone would be in shambles. Whitebeard (assuming he lives) would offer them a place to stay on his ship while they regroup and try to grapple with the trauma of what happened. He isn't forcing them to join his crew or anything. They're free to go whenever they please, but he would also welcome them with open arms should they choose to stay.

Zoro splits off almost immediately and returns to his life as a bounty hunter. He is very much still pursuing his goal, just in solitude. He is constantly being inundated with invitations to other pirate crews, but he rejects all of them (sometimes violently). Luffy is the only person he will ever all captain. He blames himself a lot for his death. He was supposed to support and protect his captain, but he failed miserably. He's even more cold and removed than he used to be, and he'll never let anyone else in again. He also drinks more, to the point that it becomes genuinely concerning.

Nami also leaves, but takes more time to do so. She claims that she's only going back to Cocoyasi village temporarily so that she can process everything that has happened around familiar faces, but she never sets foot in the Grand Line again. Luffy was her safety net. Even in the most scary and intense situations, she could find solace in the reassurance that Luffy would be there to handle it... But now he isn't. He's gone forever and she feels lost without him. The Grand Line is much more scary without him leading the way. She will eventually start venturing around the Blues, but that is it.

Usopp cannot handle the survivor's guilt. He latches onto the Sogeking persona to cope after Luffy's death. It becomes extremely rare to see him without the mask, and he doesn't even respond to hearing the name Usopp anymore. He wants to go home so bad, but he can't bring himself to. He can't stomach having to look everyone there in the eye and telling them why he's back. Now would be a great time for Yassop to step up and be a father, but he's nowhere to be seen so Whitebeard steps up to the plate. He supports Usopp and actually talks him through the intense grief that is choking him. It takes time, but Whitebeard does succeed in making Usopp take of his physical and metaphorical mask by properly addressing his emotions on the matter. Usopp decides to stay with the Whitebeard Pirates and accepts becoming one of Whitebeard's sons.

Sanji is devastated. He wanted to leave immediately, but waited around for Nami to be ready to go before heading back to the East Blue. Sanji goes back to the Baratie and refuses to talk about what happened. He blames himself intensely for not being there for the battle and fully believes that it's his fault that Luffy is dead. On top of his smoking habit, he starts drinking. Everything feels so hollow now, and nothing will fill that emptiness. The only times that Zeff or the other Baratie staff members get a glimpse of the old Sanji is when Nami stops by to visit with him. Even then, he's much more subdued. He never really recovers from this and has abandoned the idea of ever finding the All Blue.

Chopper is inconsolable after Luffy's death. He feels like a failure as a doctor for not being able to save him even though there was nothing that he could do. He also chooses to stay with the Whitebeard Pirates and becomes Marco's apprentice. As devastated as he is by Luffy's death, he copes with it relatively well by throwing himself into an education. He does becomes obsessed with curing Whitebeard, however. He can't stand to watch two captains die back to back.

Robin up and vanishes as soon as night comes. This breaks her. She fully believes that Luffy's death was her fault. Someone finally loved and accepted her and look what happened to him. As far as she's concerned, she's cursed. Naturally, she distances herself from literally everyone. She refuses to let anyone else die because of her. She'll spend the rest of her life in solitude, and it probably won't take very long for that to happen.

Franky goes back to Water 7 with the Thousand Sunny after confirming that the Straw Hats were disbanding and that no one else wanted it. He makes the ship into a memorial for Luffy and takes meticulous care of it. While the death absolutely does hurt him, he copes with it the best out of anyone. He is no stranger to grief, and he bounces back relatively quick. He works for Galley-La designing ships, as well as doing so as a hobby.

Brook is similar to Robin in the sense that he believes that he is cursed. He finally let someone in and joined another crew, only for the captain to die almost immediately. He resolves to never join another pirate crew. Unlike Robin, he doesn't completely sink into despair. He pours all of his pain into music, and you can find a lot of clear inspiration from Luffy and other Straw Hats in his music. He also takes the time to visit Laboon whenever he can. He doesn't want the poor thing to be abandoned all over again.

Bonus round for Ace. Ace will never emotionally recover from this, and his grief is messy. He alternates between hysteric sobbing and an uncontrollable rage. One moment he'll be begging a god that he doesn't even believe in to give Luffy back and take him instead, but the next second he'll be destroying everything in arms reach while scream his throat raw. He's cursing Luffy for being a damned martyr. For putting himself somewhere he had no business to be. For leaving him to pick up the broken pieces in Luffy's wake. There is a noticeable improvement in his psyche once he reunites with Sabo and realizes he isn't the last brother left alive, but he is never truly the same after Luffy's death. It should have been him. He is very much at risk of dying not long after Luffy because if Garp doesn't kill Akainu, he will. And he will die trying.

#emtynessinmyworld #one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #nami #usopp #sanji #black leg sanji #tony tony chopper #nico robin #franky the cyborg #cyborg franky #soul king brook #portgas d ace #whitebeard one piece #edward newgate

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lostinforestbound · 6 months

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I literally cannot control myself so here's a part two! Some of these were inspired by @graysparrowao3's response to my questions! Please go check them out if you haven't already, they're an amazing writer!

General Lia and Cal Headcannons Part 2

Lia

While she may be on the thinner side, she definitely has a toned body. You need a lot of strength to even pull back the string of a good bow, so I imagine she would have definitely shoulder, back, and arm muscles popping out.

When Lia is scared, it comes out as anger. It could be mistaken as fearlessness, especially with the way she snapped at the Warden. She was terrified when stuck in Moonrise; where was Rolan? Did he make it out okay? Is he even alive? What if these cultists take Cal away from her? She has never been more terrified in her life than those moments, not even in the Descent.

I think she would have physically fought Rolan at least once. Not to extreme harm! More like a sibling dispute (grabbing, shoving, yanking on hair, etc). She would never go as far as pinching his ears or stepping on his tail though.

For a while after their mother died, Lia had a period where she was extremely bitter. At first she cried quite a bit in Rolan's arms, but then she started snapping at him. Part of the change of attitude was thinking Rolan moved on too quickly (he didn't). This is where their arguments first began.

For once in her life, Lia wants to feel safe. She's had nightmares about her throat getting slit, of waking up with her brothers being dead. She has a good handle on them most nights, and its easy to go back to sleep. However, some nights are so bad she ends up going into either Cal's or Rolan's room to cuddle and sleep.

Once in a while, Lia will buy herself flowers. She doesn't know why she does this, but it makes her feel nice, so why not? She loves plants either way, and will probably keep them in her room to take care of. (I feel like she's the type to own cacti! And maybe threaten Rolan with said cacti)

Lia is definitely on the "tough love" side when it comes to comforting others. Sometimes it can be received well but other times it doesn't. It definitely doesn't work with Cal most days, but it can certainly work with Rolan.

Sometimes Lia genuinely fears she hates Rolan. She knows in her heart she doesn't at all, she loves her brother to death, but some fights with him can get bad and she gets very close to saying that she hates him. She has never told anyone this, and she never will.

She's big on words of affirmation to whoever her lucky partner is! And she's definitely the type to bring flowers on a first date, and she knows about flower language! Not a lot of it, but definitely the basics. She wouldn't bring a whole bouquet, more like a small bundle. (I think she would give White Camellia's! Which, if I remember correctly, practically means "You're Adorable")

She knows Cal admires Rolan more. She doesn't blame him, Rolan is amazing in many different ways. But there's some unsolved resentment that she feels towards that fact. Why doesn't Cal admire her in the way he admires Rolan? Did she do something wrong? This is something she will take to her grave.

Cal

Cal's character sheet shows he has a 16 strength, so he's pretty damn strong. I would also say he's pretty toned, but would have a soft middle area, which is perfect for cuddling to his lucky partner.

I think Cal is deeply traumatized by the Descent, but he feels as though he can't talk about it because Rolan and Lia refuse to themselves (they both are traumatized too). It was horrifying, watching people turn on them and seeing devils and monsters stalk the streets. It was hurtful, being completely exiled after they were finally safe. Can they all please sit down and talk about it, no matter how painful? This goes the same for Moonrise.

He got so used to being Lia and Rolan's emotional anchor that he often forgets he needs that same support; it isn't about him. When someone finally listens to him completely he's never felt so euphoric. Finally!

To add to the previous point, he feels as though he isn't trusted enough by those two. He's not sure if it's because he's the youngest, but he doesn't appreciate it at all.

Cal is absolutely a stress-baker. Anytime he's not handling stress well, he will bake. And I mean bake. He will spend hours baking multiple treats to give himself something to do, and it does genuinely help him feel better. (This could apply to cooking depending on the ingredients they have available in the tower)

I feel as though Cal is very close to snapping at the other two. Like, genuinely yelling and being pissed with them! He's been dealing with their bickering for a very long time now, and it only got worse after what they've been through. For once, can they consider his damn feelings about everything?

When comforting anyone, depending on the relationship, he can be very touchy. A hand on the shoulder, giving a hug, or keeping close is his go-to. Of course this will depend on the person, he'll respect boundaries if they don't like touch or just don't want it.

I think Cal's love language is gift giving for his lucky partner! He would either bake a sweet, get some flowers with the help of Lia, bring something he cooked, or buy something that they were eyeing on a date. He's very shy about it in the beginning, but over time he would build more confidence.

He loves Lia to death, but sometimes he thinks she can be too harsh. He understands where her anger can stem from in the moment, but her resorting to insults and purposefully provoking Rolan? How is that productive? It doesn't help the problem, it makes it worse. But as always, he isn't really listened to.

The first thing Cal would do in Baldur's gate is just sleep. A deep sleep that he desperately needed for a while. Rolan will go to his new apprenticeship, Lia would go find some work, all the while Cal will sleep for 16 hours. He's certainly groggy the next day, but he knows he needed that to start fresh.

Extras (Feat. Rolan)

These three haven't talked about Moonrise much. They haven't had the time to, or time to process the events. They literally saw someone get their eyes removed and tongue cut out. They saw people who they were traveling with get slaughtered left and right. They all need to go to therapy.

When they finally all move into the tower, the first night, they insist on sleeping in the same bed as Rolan. Just like when they were little. After everything, they wanted to make sure Rolan was okay (they know full well he isn't). This is the first night in a while that Rolan isn't plagued by nightmares.

The three of them have trouble adjusting to their new normal. Suddenly having a permanent home so big throws them off their game. They weren't traveling for very long, but they went through so much that having somewhere safe to stay has them reeling. They had no idea what to do first, but they figure it out together.

They absolutely would both help Rolan through panic/anxiety attacks, no matter the situation. At night after a night terror? They're already in the room with water and extra blankets. In a middle of a fight? Fuck the argument, they'll put it on pause and deal with it later. Rolan does not have attacks often, but when they do happen, they help him every time. Does it scare them? Of course it does, they never want to see their brother hurting like that.

Cal and Rolan take turns making meals for the three of them. Lia doesn't cook much so she helps out by washing dishes and setting the table up. She'll go as far as prepping ingredients as well if they're making a bigger meal.

They all don't like the cold. Tieflings run hot, but the cold doesn't bring too many good memories, especially for Rolan. When it became just the three of them after their mothers death, the colder months were much harder to deal with. There wasn't as much food available, prices of wooden logs grew higher, and they didn't have a lot of money to celebrate the winter holidays to their fullest extent. Though the winter months become more bearable when they settle in Baldur's gate, finally comfortable.

They have "sleepovers" once in a while, where they all sleep in the same room! Life gets busy, so occasionally, they gather in the biggest room and spend the night together. Cal makes his best sweets, Lia sets up a blanket and pillow fort, and Rolan gives the best light show he can muster. They all look forward to these nights because it's so special to them. A tradition they hope to keep forever.

#forest-writes #lia #cal #lia bg3 #cal bg3 #bg3 cal #bg3 lia #rolan #rolan bg3 #bg3 rolan #holy rolan empire

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variousqueerthings · 1 month

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so the thing is, back when i first watched s3 of elementary i was not a fan of joan coming to this moment of "oh maybe i should break up with my stable, attractive, nice, charming boyfriend" only for him to immediately die, because it felt like a cop-out -- that she'd almost come to some kind of moment in figuring herself out, but now she'd be regressing into "oh well, i can't have romantic relationships because it's dangerous, not because i don't want them," there will forever be a tinge of something in her relationship with andrew now, even though she was literally in the process of breaking up with him because it wasn't doing anything for her. a certain rose tint over what was actually happening, which was that she wasn't into the idea of the relationship, or indeed, any romantic relationship

however this time around i'm more into it, because this time i'm suuuuch a fan of the continuous push and pull of introspection and refusal to introspect that exist in both sherlock and joan -- getting the emotional truth out of either of them is like pulling fucking teeth!

the fact that the "aftermath episode" of her bf getting murdered in which joan is steadfastly refusing to Feel Her Feelings is the same episode as the sherlock-and-marcus excursion, in which marcus bell is telling sherlock over and over "call me marcus" and sherlock's grimace makes it clear that too much vulnerability feels like getting stabbed, something he's only allowed five times it seems:

two are with people who are locked up (jamie and abigail, although the latter has some serious extenuating circumstances)

one is dead (alistair, and even then i feel like alistair never knew how much he meant to sherlock)

one is on the run from the law atm (kitty, although i know she works that out)

and joan

(and arguably mycroft, but that's slightly different, they're siblings, being a sibling is smthinsmthin)

and even with them -- with the exception of joan and previously jamie -- he is oh so very careful about how much of himself he shows

it's such a fascinating double-up episode exploring their attitudes towards relationships (the fact that jamie makes a form of appearance and it's via writing a letter to joan!!!!) (also ofc sherlock calls him marcus by the end)

and now back to joan, who is ostensibly much more "adjusted" to living a conventional life, after all she's prepped for conventional since she was a kid! except she really isn't, is she? she's canonically trying to fulfill some assumed goal of normalcy (stated to be expected of her by her mother/upbringing), and she's fighting against it every step of the way. she doesn't do close friendships really (she tried, and she sucked at it until she started meeting people more like sherlock, and then it's a little closer to the way he does "friendships" that is, we create a wide network of people, but we don't have to know that much about each other beyond what we need to support one another), and she certainly doesn't do romance (or, she tries for a bit, but fails over and over) and the entire time she's insistently going "sherlock you need support to figure yourself out, you need some help to stay sober, if you want to talk..."

her whole Thing is that she's very polite and charming, so of course she's not like her standoffish abrasive partner, sherlock, she's the "Nomal One" who's so well-adjusted, except when this life forces her to make decisions beyond her control

and now going "well, i'm dangerous to get close to, so i may as well not try anymore" is another wonderful way to avoid thinking about what she wants. she doesn't have any choices you see, it's simply the way things have to be (oh noooo). anyway this interaction suddenly happens halfway through the episode:

joan: you know i pulled away from you last year because uh… i felt myself sucked into this world that you built. i wanted something normal. something that was mine. sherlock: there's nothing wrong with that. you have a right to your own space, physically and mentally joan: im not sure that i do. i don't think i can keep our work and my private life separate. it just doesn't seem possible. but you already know that, i mean it's part of the reason you life the way that you do sherlock: yes but my choices dont have to be your choices watson joan: it might be better if they were. andrew would have been better off

see, andrew would have been better off, that's what the problem was, suuuuuuure. girl you were in the middle of dumping him when he was murdered, stop avoiding the real issue here! you shouldn't not-be-dating because of The Work, you should be not dating because you... don't want to. you've got to admit that you like the world you were getting sucked into. do it!

(once she's made the change to wearing suits, we know she's started to sort herself out, it's coming, she'll get there)

end of the episode:

joan: i feel... ok. i feel clear about something: our work, what we do... it's not just a job now, it's who i am. i'm a detective, i'm ready to embrace that. i live in this world - your world - and i probably will for the rest of my life sherlock: it isn't my world. it's our world joan: i understand that now. i accept it, i know what it means sherlock: and what does it mean? joan: it means that... it's ridiculous for me to think that... i can have a normal life. i'm not gonna do that anymore.

joan i want to study you like a bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(but also, youknow, if it's getting her there, then let her think it's the detective work enacting upon her life like an unstoppable force that she must stop fighting and accept the inevitability of. youknow. that's an aromantic way of looking at things too. can't do romance, oh so unfortunate, but The Work!!!!!!!!!)

#joan watson #sherlock holmes #elementary #elementasquee #cbs elementary #aro joan #jamie moriarty like: i know what you are

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phoebepheebsphibs · 3 months

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Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 30: Would You Love Me if I was a Worm?

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

Prev || Next

After his talk with Raph and CJ, Leo has to do it all over again with the whole family -- April, Draxum, and Cassandra included.

And Mikey, despite Leo's hesitation and objections.

The whole thing goes... very well, actually.

It is tough at first, Leo having been exhausted twice already and having to ask Raphael and Casey Jr. for help explaining on occasion because he just doesn’t have the emotional (or even physical) energy to go through it all a third time.

Tears are shed. Some are Leo's. Most are actually from Splinter.

At first, Leo thinks it is because of his paternal instinct to protect them, but then he remembers how hard it must have been those first several years post-mutation... All the years he'd spent in the Battle Nexus... Splinter understands all too well what Leo is going through.

Second most are from April. She may not have won the award for the most shed, but she won the award for loudest sobs. Leo didn't expect her to be so heartbroken for his sake, but she is, and that makes him cry all over again.

But the most impactful tears for Leo are Donnie's. Maybe it's because they're twins, or maybe it's the fact that Dee typically tends to keep his tears hidden (especially when there was an audience), or bottle them up. Not that he refuses cry ever -- he just doesn't do it often, and especially not when there are so many people around. But here he is, weeping silently for his brother in front of everybody. Leo almost missed it at first, but he happened to glance over and see the stains on his twin's mask and the red irritation surrounding his sclera. So while Donnie didn't make much of a show of his emotions, Leo knows he felt for him.

Cass and Draxum might be the only two not to cry, apart from Raph and Casey -- but those two are exempt, since they'd already knew what happened and had their own moments earlier to shed tears with him. Draxum is stoic and expressionless for the most part, raising an eyebrow at appropriate intervals to show he is paying attention. Cass makes quite a lot of facial expressions, and Leo figures her eyes got watery at one point. She talks a lot, though. So does Draxum.

Everyone has something to say. From advice to give, to words of affirmation, to moments when they felt similarly to Leo -- everyone talks.

All but one, actually.

Mikey stays strangely quiet.

Not that he doesn't understand. He does. Which is one of the reasons Leo was wary to tell Mikey. His eyes go wide with shock, and he cries with the rest when he hears the news. He sits besides Leo the entire time, resting his head on his lap and mewing sadly at him. Leo strokes his head to reassure him he is okay. Though, as the night goes on, he's not certain if Mikey is trying to comfort him, or if that is now Leo's job...

Leo half expects Michael to put on a turtleneck and coke bottle glasses, and don his 'Dr. Feelings' persona to help.

But he doesn't.

The discussion is long and lasts quite a while, with compelling points made from everyone and different ways to help Leo combat the intrusive thoughts and suicidal feelings.

Leo wonders how anyone could ever think he was the hero when they were the ones constantly saving his life.

Exhausted as he is, he weeps again and thanks everyone for their love and support.

The family meeting ends with hugs and kisses and watching a movie together in the hotel room. Leo notices that everyone keeps him in the center of the group, effectively surrounded by their love.

Mikey stays glued to his side the entire evening. He's been mostly quiet the whole night, but now he seems... overprotective of him. Leo is too tired to question it. Besides, he is so grateful for the company. Mikey rests on his lap like a cat, his soft underbelly radiating warmth and his gentle breaths keeping Leo grounded and calm.

They watch movies until Leo falls asleep in his family's embrace.

Leonardo is entirely spent the next day. He wakes up in his hotel bed, exhausted and groggy. He doesn't remember when he fell asleep, just like he doesn't remember being carried to his room, or being given a weighted blanket on top of his sheets. The blanket doesn't even cover his entire body, they just draped it across his chest --

Wait a sec. Why is the weighted blanket breathing?

Leo looks up and blurrily sees a mass of green and yellow sprawled across his torso. He blinks, rubs his eyes free of sleep, and the blur becomes his little brother.

Leon smiles. Did Mikey stay with him the entire night? Was he worried for him? This was exactly why Leo didn't want to tell Mikey... the poor guy doesn’t need another thing to worry about. And yet, he is happy that Mikey is showing him how he loves him. And to be honest, Leo has not slept that well in weeks. Though, that was mostly due to stress from Mikey's disappearance and then camping out on his beanbags once he was home.

Leonardo strokes Mikey's head gently. He doesn't think he puts that much effort or force into it, but Mikey immediately wakes up at his touch and turns to look at him. He chirps before remembering he can speak and clears his throat.

"Hullo," he croaks.

"Hey," Leo simpers. "What's up."

Mikey hums and crawls closer to his big brother so that he's laying beside him rather than across him. He doesn't really respond to Leo, but holds onto his arm. Mikey's tail slides over Leo's knees and swishes back and forth.

"You okay?" he asks, looking over at him. "You're acting a little clingy."

Mikey hugs Leo's arm a bit more tensely. He nods.

"Mikey just... want to be with Leo today."

Leo sighs and snuggles closer to him. He can let Mikey be clingy.

"Okay. How about today is a Leo and Mikey day?"

Mikey glances up at his brother, eyes wide and bright. He chirps excitedly before once again recalling he can speak and answers him with a resounding 'yes'.

Leo is surprised how Mikey's vocal chords still sound raspy and torn. They should have healed by now. They sound better, that much is sure. He just needs a little more time.

Don't we all...

"So, whaddya wanna do today, bud?" Leo inquires. He seems to have caught Mikey off guard with the question.

"Mikey decides?" he asks, surprised. "Why not Llllllleo?"

"I can pick some stuff to do too," Leo adds. "But what do you feel like doing now?"

Mikey considers for a moment before giving a decisive nod followed by a decisive answer.

"Mikey wants food."

"Leo wants food too," he chuckles, getting up out of bed and putting on an oversized t-shirt. He leaves his ninja wraps behind, but ties the mask. Mikey watches with curious investement.

"...Can Mikey wear something, too?"

"Yeah, dude. You packed some clothes, right?"

"Big sweaters," Mikey answers. "Too hot for them."

"You can borrow one of mine, then," Leo says, digging in his thrown-together duffel bag until he finds a shirt that should fit Mikey. "Here ya go!"

Mikey catches the shirt and stares at it like it's a gift from God Himself before delicately pulling it over his head and shell.

"What if Mikey tears it?" he asks nervously. "Will Leo get sad?"

"No," Leo says, sensing that trying to keep Leo from being sad will become a running theme with Mikey for the day. "I won't be sad. You can go ahead and wear it, don't worry."

Mikey looks down at the shirt and smiles. He likes the neon blue swirls and tie-dye patterns, he likes how they contrast so brightly and perfectly with his lemon-bright yellow spots and freckles.

"Does Mikey get a mask too?"

Leo looks back at him, hope shining through his eyes.

"Did you pack your mask?" he asks gently.

"Uuuuummmm," Mikey taps a claw against his chin as he thinks. "I think Cassssssey put one in? Orange cloth, yeah?"

Leo and Mikey walk over to the other bedroom and search through the suitcase. Lo and behold, Casey Jones Jr. did indeed stash a few bright orange masks. Leonardo helps to tie the mask up into a bow behind Mikey's head. The former box turtle scrambles to the mirror and stares at himself in awe.

"I look like Leo and Raphie and Donnie now!" he exclaims. "I-I look like... like... I look like Mikey."

Leo smiles warmly at his little brother, who seems to be crying tears of joy. At least, that's what he hopes. He's smiling pretty big.

Leo helps Mikey to stand on his two feet and the duo walk out hand-in-hand, mostly to help Mikey keep from stumbling or tripping. The boys head downstairs to the free continental breakfast offered.

Mikey is completely awed by the many choices of food. They're all so spread out and numerous! Leo helps Mikey choose, since the Yokai's culinary options are a bit different than theirs, and he isn't sure if the screaming cereal puffs would be appetizing to him just yet...

He picks out a stack bright green pancakes with glowing blue berries mixed in, a bowl of warm milk with non-screaming cereal puffs, and very odd, very large slices of what he thinks is turkey bacon, or something similar to that. Mikey also asks for several fruits and baked goods as well. And while Leo's his bagel is toasting, he assists Mikey with dressing up his oddly-coloured pancakes with strawberry and maple syrup, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar. Leo is going to regret giving him so much sugar later on, but today has been declared a day for fun, so anything goes. Which means a sugar rush, sugar crash, followed by imminent diabetes on a plate, and all at 8am in the morning.

The two sit down and Mikey tries again with the fork and knife. His fingers can't get the utensils to hold still properly, and they slip and clack loudly. Mikey gets flustered and embarrassed that he's making a fool of himself, until Leo points out that the room has very few patrons -- and most of those that are attending breakfast have hooves or tentacles or claws that resemble Mikey's, so they eat without utensils. Mikey beams gladly upon this discovery, and digs into his plate with his bare face.

Leo rolls his eyes with an airy chuckle and noshes on his cheese and bacon bagel-ritto. He wonders how long it will take for Mikey to not treat every meal like it's his very first, lick every plate clean, and beg for seconds and thirds in a timid manner as though he's scared of being punished for being hungry. The good news is that he's gained some weight since his rescue; he isn't so pale and shaky and thin-framed as he was when they first rescued him.

Breakfast for Mikey is over in a flash. He nearly inhales the pancakes at a speed previously unknown to man. Leo is challenged to match the speed in an attempt to finish his food before Mikey's sugar rush kicks in. He almost makes it, too. Almost.

Mikey starts bouncing in his seat impatiently. He watches Leo scarf down his bagel and slurp up his cereal. Mikey rocks back and forth, tapping his fingers rhythmically as he hums.

"You can always go outside and I'll meet you when I'm done," Leo offers, mouth dripping with milk and chin covered in honey-nut wheat bites.

"Nuh-uh!" Mikey says, shaking his head frantically, bows flapping like they're about to take flight. "Mikey stays with Leo! I l-like staying with Leo, I like being with you it's a lot of fun let's go do other fun stuff too are you finished yet huh huh huh are ya are ya are ya hey look at that guy he looks like a rhinoceros that's pretty cool hey can you make this sound with your mouth??"

Mikey starts blowing raspberries at his brother before busting out in mad giggles.

"I'mma gonna go get some more syrup and pancakes!"

"Wooooaaaaah mister!" Leo halts him, grabbing Mikey by the elbow before he can jet off. "I think you've had enough. Raph will kill me if he finds out how much sugar I let you have already!"

Mikey yipes at that claim, instantly going to guard Leo's chair with a growl.

"N-no! No one hurts you! Don't worry Leo I'll protect you Mikey can help don't be hurt no dying I don't like that hey how about we go outside now are you finished with your food I wanna go play outside can we play is that okay is that okay I'm not being annoying am I you'd tell me if I was annoying right I don't wanna be a burden am I being weird how come everything is moving so slowly wow my hands are really shaky can we go outside now I wanna play can we play how long does it take for you to eat food let's go outside now okay???"

Leo swallows the last of the bagel-ritto and half-chokes on it before clearing his throat.

"Okay, Mikey, let's go outside and burn off all that energy, huh?"

"Yaaaaaay!!!" Mikey cheers, grabbing Leo's wrist and racing outside with him.

Leo yelps as his baby brother drags him out at the speed of light, nearly dislocating his shoulder. Mikey dodges sunbathers and resort patrons as he rushes going out towards the beach and fly through the giant magic rainbow arch.

"What should we play first??" Mikey asks, skidding to a halt and buzzing around Leo's ankles excitedly.

"I think maybe let's start with a race," Leo schemes. "Let's see how fast you can go, hmm? First one to round the island wins!"

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN OKAY LET'S DO IT!!" Mikey screams, bouncing and vibrating in a blur from excitement.

Leo crouches, Mikey mimicking him as his tail flaps around so wildly it cracks the air and slaps sand into the wind.

"OnyourmarkgetsetGO!" Leo shouts.

Mikey is instantaneously gone, a trail of smoke and sand billowing behind him as he vanishes around the bend. Leo half wishes he'd brought his katanas so he could make a portal just to mess with him.

Mikey is back in a few minutes, zooming past him and around the bend again. Leo wonders why he didn't stop. He's back after another five minutes or so.

"Hi!" he pants, still hyped up but out of breath. "I didn't see you until it was too late the first time and by the time I realised I passed you I figured it would be faster just to run the island again hey you didn't run at all why didn't you run but I won the race anyway didn't I didn't I huh huh Mikey's the winner Mikey wins at racing I'm fast very fast look what Mikey can do!"

Mikey starts zooming back and forth and running out onto the water to play. Leo laughs and follows after him, taking off his shirt and jumping into the water to wade with his little brother. Several minutes later, Mikey slows and starts to yawn. He shudders and sits on the shore while Leo goes to get him some water and something to combat the sugar crash.

After a peanut butter and apple slices snack later, and a reluctant drink of some cold orange juice, Mikey's shakes dissipate and he takes a quick nap on the beach shore. Leo grabs some beach towels and lounge chairs for the two to relax in. He lets Mikey rest where he is, for the time being, sticking an umbrella in the ground beside him to keep him shaded.

"See you when you get up, buddy..."

Mikey wakes about an hour later, afraid that Leo might have left him while he was sleeping. He sits up and looks around, only relaxing once he sees his brother's signature shade of blue.

Leo is lounging, smiling brightly as he basks in the sunlight. Mikey sees that a lounge chair has been set up besides Leo for him as well.

Instead, Mikey climbs aboard Leo's chair and curls onto his lap, careful not to crush his legs like he tends to do. Mikey feels Leo's hand rub circles onto his back once he's situated.

"Hey, bud," he says quietly. "You doing okay? Need more peanut butter?"

Mikey shakes his head 'no'.

"M'kay. Wanna do something?"

"Leo's turn to choose," Mikey hums back.

"I'm kinda good to just stay here and relax."

Mikey hums and nods. It is good to relax. Mikey likes relaxing. He wasn't really allowed to relax in the labs... well, that's probably not true. They let him sleep at night and have some mealtimes. But his days were mostly tests and experiments and fighting deformed monsters. Nothing like laying back and bathing in pure unprohibited sunshine. And Leo needs his relaxation, too! He needs to feel sunshine, and rest on the beach, and enjoy the peace too. If anyone deserves it, Leo does.

Mikey watches the waves as they tumble over one another. He sees what looks like a dolphin in the distance. The sunlight sparkles across the water majestically. He's sure he's seen this before...

"Well, it's official. Leo is the worst," Mikey mutters.

"You mean the BEST!" Donnie squeals, rushing over to the water and jumping in excitement. "We get a beach vacay! FINALLY! I don't know about you gentlemen, but I have definitely EARNED this."

"Earned it how?" Raph asks, remembering the 'gifts' he made for them, when he tested out his tranq darts on them, how he got addicted to the Purple Game and accidentally trained a giant mech AI to squash them...

"Where exactly are we?" Mikey asks, spotting a red and white flag waving far off in the distance.

"According to my calculations --" Donnie declares, typing on his wrist tech dramatically, "-- Leo has portalled us to Tahiti."

"TAHITI?!" Raph shouts, eyes bulging out of his head. "Wha- How- Why --"

"How about we don't have a conniption," Donnie says, taking Raphael by the arm and leading him to the water, "...and instead we enjoy the serenity that is a beach vacation?"

"But what about Leo?" Mikey asks, already splashing in the waves. "Do you think he's worried? Or in trouble? Why wasn't he portalled here with us?"

"Oh I'm sure he's fine, he said with very little hesitation," Donnie states, waving away Mikey's concern. "He got us into this mess, he'll get us out of it. Now, Tahiti. Is. Ours!"

Donnie supplies the boys with flower leis and coconuts filled with fruity beverages, initiating the chillest of vibes and enticing his brothers to join in.

"Well... maybe just a few minutes," Raph agrees, taking the coconut from Donnie. "But at some point we gotta figure out a way to get home."

"Ooooorrrr we could look into finding a nice sewer here?" Donnie offers.

Raph and Mikey glare at him.

"Kidding!" he quickly rebuffs. "I was of course joking, and have not already been researching the options. It's not like there's one available for a very reasonable price just two miles away or anything..."

Mikey rolls his eyes and kicks a wave at Raph, initiating a splash war between them.

The trio enjoy the sun and surf, laughing and having a wonderful time. Mikey wishes that Leo could enjoy it with them... He's still a bit worried about what happened to his bro. He knows Leo has been feeling really low about his mystic weapon not working right. For whatever reason, he can't get it to properly portal. Mikey figured out how to use his almost instantly, and Raph has been getting the hang of his pretty easily as well. But Leo's odachi keeps malfunctioning. He could barely get a portal to open at first! Mikey remembers how he tricked them all into the minotaur maze to prove he was a champion. They were pretty mad at him, but the more Mikey thinks about it, the more he feels like Leo was hiding his insecurities. And still is.

Mikey's been working on a new persona -- like Dr. Delicate Touch, but softer. Less focused on telling the cold hard truth, and more focused on getting others to admit truths about themselves. A therapist kinda persona, to help with feelings. Hey, that could be his name! 'Dr. Feelings'... that might work.

He wonders if Leo would be willing to talk about it. Leo's pretty cagey when it comes to talking about feelings. But maybe --

Mikey's train of thought is interrupted by a burst of blue light ignites from above, and the three are sucked in very suddenly with a yell...

His stomach does a backflip as he goes from flying upwards to falling downwards, landing with a crash against Raph's back and a hard wooden surface.

"Whoah, where'd you guys come from? I mean, hey check it out! I freed you from your pirate prison!"

Mikey blinks and he's back from the memory. It's always weird and disorienting when he recovers a new recollection. Mostly because he doesn't recognize himself, and can't actually imagine himself walking around so easily without help or not stumbling over his words and referring to himself as 'Mikey' instead of 'I' at times, or not seeing his tail flick around out of his peripherals. He can't possibly comprehend that he was Hamato Michelangelo, and not Mikey from Project Venus of the TCRI, prisoner of the EPF.

Mikey feels Leo's hand on his shell again. He shifts around so he can lay his chin against Leo's shoulder in a lazy hug.

"You sure you're okay?" Leo asks quietly. "I know I said this, but you've been acting a little clingy. Is everything alright?"

"I told you, Mikey wants to be with Leo today."

"I get that," Leo mumbles, shifting his weight a bit so they can sit a bit more comfortably. "But why? Is it because of last night?"

Mikey whimpers quietly.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm sorry it bothered you --"

Mikey pulls away and stares him in the eyes. That was probably not the right thing to say, Leo figures. Mikey's eyes seem to search Leo's for something.

"Mikey, why are you looking at me like that? Why are you so upset? What about last night upset you?"

"Mikey want Leo happy today."

"But why?" he asks.

"Leo said he's not always happy. Leo said he doesn't love himself sometimes. Mikey... Mikey wants to make Leo happy today so Leo knows I love Leo. Mikey make everything better... Mikey helps, Mikey do good..."

Mikey starts whimpering a little and his eyes tear up. Leo reaches around him and pulls him into a hug.

"Mikey, I know you love me. It's okay, I'm going to work on treating myself better and not letting those thoughts win. It's not your job to do that. But thank you, this really helps."

Mikey sniffles and nuzzles his face into the crook between Leo's neck and shoulder.

"...Mikey knows how hard it is to remember to be loved."

Leo glances out of the corner of his vision at Mikey, not daring to let go of the hug.

"Mikey... Mikey can't always remember things. Mikey has a hard time remembering. The labs... they took everything from Mikey. Nobody loves in the labs. Everybody just hates. Especially Instinct. He hates everyone a lot. Instinct CAN'T love, he just hates. Instinct kept Mikey alive, but not happy. Instinct always says 'Don't trust them', because he thinks everyone is going to hurt Mikey. But... he wasn't wrong. And the people at the labs... the 'evil humans'... they told me... I was a monster. Instinct told me I was a monster. And I had no choice but to believe them."

Mikey slowly glances back at his brother.

"So Mikey knows how it feels to not really love what you are. Mikey knows how hard it is.... and how much it hurts..."

Leo wraps his arms tighter around Michelangelo, squeezing him and not releasing until he hears the little guy squeak.

"We've been trying our best to show you that you're not a monster, Mikey."

"I know...."

"Because you're not a monster, Mikey. Nobody thinks that. Not me, not Raph, not --"

"I bit Raph, though!" Mikey protests meekly. "A-and I attacked you, you still have the scratches on your neck and leg -- aren't you mad? Or scared??"

"If I understand it right, I think technically it was Instinct who did those things," Leo corrects. "And even if it wasn't, Raph and I would never think anything bad about you."

Mikey rests his head against Leo's plastron.

"...Leo...?"

"Yeah?"

"...Will... will you love me if I really AM a monster?"

Leo rubs Mikey's head gently.

"Mikey, I love you so much. I'd love you if you were a worm. I'd love you if you were a non-mutated box turtle. And yes, I'd love you if you were a monster. And I love you now."

Mikey wonders what Leo means by 'I love you now'. He feels some hidden meaning behind the word. It unnerves him slightly, thinking that there is something dark hiding behind the word 'NOW', something terrible that he doesn't understand. Then again, there is very little that Mikey understands.

But he understands that he's different now. Though, somehow, they act like that isn't a bad thing. Or they act like he hasn't changed at all. Mikey's not sure if it's true or not, and he isn't sure how he feels about either prospect.

Looking on the outside, Mikey is astounded by the love they show him. He imagines that he deserves that love, he has earned it. Somehow.

"...Mikey loves you too, Leo. Please remember that."

"If you'll remember that I love you right back."

Mikey nods, churring softly as he hugs Leo again, just for good measure.

Mikey hopes that, if nothing else, he really will remember that.

Agent John Bishop sits at a desk and types several keywords into the computer. He's not a hacker, but he's learned a few tricks from Honeycutt about bypassing codes. He gave Bishop his login username and passkey so that he could piggyback off of his server without drawing attention. He's currently looking for any information that they have on Mikey's status. They can't track him anymore, but that doesn't mean they don't have other means of finding him. Cameras and drones and sweepers, oh my...!

Bishop types another line of code and uncovers a file from Chaplin's server: a map of New York overlayed on top of another schematic. Are those sewer tunnels? No, too winding and varied, plus there are tons of open areas that don't line up with the city plumbing codes. So then what...?

Bishop peers at it before recognizing a few of the structures and symbols. That's a city schematic. So, they've overlayed NYC overtop of another city? What --

Bishop realizes what this map is of.

How have they discovered the Hidden City so quickly?? Bishop and those two idiot mercs only found it yesterday! This isn't good news.

Bishop regrets not asking Casey for his info or a way to contact them. They need to know what's happening! But then again, it's probably for the best. If the EPF were to make any kind of security check on his phone for unknown numbers, they'd immediately find Casey and their whole family would be in danger. Besides, Bishop is aware that Casey probably doesn't own a cell or even have any sort of email. Someone with no records or identification whatsoever isn't going to just have a cell that can be tracked or traced.

He keeps on scrolling, going through the restricted channels. He finds a notice for the employees discussing something about Staten Island. He finds a timetable for some sort of mission or extraction. He finds a work order given to Honeycutt for a new program titled Mechanical Iambic: Mimicry Initiative Cybernetic. 'MI:M.I.C.' for short. Bishop can guess what the program does, but not what they would want it for.

They're planning something. An attack of some kind. For Mikey. Bishop has to act. But how? What can he do...

He quickly makes a printout of the mission timetable and map overlay and logs out quickly.

He messages Honeycutt to be careful and warns him about the program, asking that he intentionally sabotage it in a way they wouldn't notice. He hits send just as he gets up and leaves the abandoned office room.

Bishop is in the elevator. Honeycutt hasn't answered back yet. He usually responds within the first few seconds, especially with everything going. Bishop presses the button for the ground floor. He waits an eternity with the papers hidden in his interior jacket pocket. He presses the button again.

The doors open on the ground floor, and Honeycutt still hasn't offered any kind of response. It doesn't even say he's read the message. That's not like him... He stares down at his phone as he crosses through the lobby.

"Hey, John," says the receptionist, waving him down with a sparkling smile. "Going out again?"

Bishop smiles back at her kindly.

"Yep, just going on a coffee run. Want anything?"

"I might like a cappuccino," a voice says from the front.

Bishop turns in surprise to see Dr. Chaplin, standing with two very large guards at the front door.

"...Didn't take you for the cappuccino type," Bishop jokes.

"Well, we all have our little secrets now, don't we?" Chaplin replies, walking towards him with a strange smile. "Like you, for instance."

He looks Bishop over, analyzing him. Bishop wonders what he's up to... but this ominous talk of secrets doesn't bode well.

"...You know, Ms. Campbell told me about the odd hacker that had infiltrated our systems a few days back. Left a message, 'leave us alone', very ominous... did Honeycutt tell you about that?"

"Why would he?"

"You two have been rather chummy as of late," he says with a snakeish, sickly saccharine smile. "I thought you might have discussed it. But in any case, I tasked Ms. Campbell to search for anything out of the ordinary in the EPF/TCRI servers. Suspicious activity, piracy, hackers, that sort of thing."

$#!%, John Bishop thinks to himself.

"And she told me about someone downloading reports on Project Venus. Looking for information. And some of the researchers and analysts gave reports of important items going missing, like blood reports and DNA samples."

Bishop stays stone-faced.

"Do you want me to look into this?" he asks, hoping that all he has is speculation and no hard evidence.

"No, thank you though. I had Ms. Campbell set up a tracing modem earlier today."

The two guards walk up to Bishop and each grabs him by his arms.

Bishop's eyes widen as he realizes what's happening.

"She tracked you pretty quickly. And not only you," Chaplin informs, his smile slowly fading. "You used your friend's IP server to carry your signal and hide your hacks. Very good, very ingenious. Honeycutt is quite clever. But unfortunately for the two of you, his creations are more clever."

Agent Bishop struggles against the security guards as they start to search him, one taking his EPF standardized concealed weapon, the other reaching into his interior lining of his jacket and pulling out the printouts. He hands the sheets to Dr. Chaplin, who tuts at Bishop disappointedly.

"What are you planning? Where did you get that schematic?" Bishop demands.

"You're not exactly in a position to ask questions," Chaplin replies drably.

"But how could you possibly even know about --"

"What, the quote unquote, 'Hidden City'?" Dr. Chaplin chuckles. "Please. That pathetic ghetto of ghouls hasn't been a secret, especially not since the incident with the mosquitos and that maniac in the baseball field. Did you really think I wouldn't know about something like this? And it's not the only Yokai city I've come across. This is what got me into the study of mutations in the first place!"

"What do you want with them?!" Bishop shouts, pulling his arm as hard as he can to try and punch his former employer in anger.

Dr. Chaplin stares at the agent as though he just asked him the stupidest question in the world.

"My dear Bishop, I want absolutely nothing to do with them. That's the whole point of this."

Bishop is tugged back, his arms thrust behind him as the guards try to cuff him.

"Where's Zayton Honeycutt? What are you going to do to him?!" he snarls, desperate to wrench his arms free.

One of the guards punches Bishop in the gut, causing him to double over. He's half-held up by the guards as he struggles to get his breath back.

"The good old professor still has some usefulness for us. I see no reason to kill the golden goose just yet. You, on the other hand," Chaplin says, leaning close to his face. "You are an expendable agent with no connections or important qualities whatsoever. And you should have known better."

Dr. Chaplin snaps his fingers, and Agent John Bishop is dragged away, kicking and shouting and struggling.

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#tw mentions of suicidal thoughts #double mutated mikey #double mutation mikey #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanfic #fanfic update #fanfic rec #fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #ficlet #short story #short stories #rottmnt angst #would you still love me if i was a worm

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anjukurada-fanfic-rec-blog · 11 months

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HELLUVA BOSS SEASON 2 EPISODE 7 SPOILERS!!!

One of the themes for this episode seems to revolve around Parasocial Relationships at many different levels. For those who are unaware of what that means, here's a quick definition:

"Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence. Parasocial relationships are most common with celebrities, organizations (such as sports teams) or television stars."

Parasocial relationships ARE COMMON and are, at a base level, normal! Humans are social creatures, even the most introverted will be driven to find even a small connection with another person. We find connections based off interests, personalities, common personal themes (such as lived history and trauma, happy moments, etc.) A person with certain insecurities or trauma may find a connection with a character or actor with similar insecurities or traumas, and find comfort in that shared experience.

Honestly, anyone in a fandom has had some level of parasocial relationships! A favorite actor. A favorite sports star/team. A favorite character that you hold dear. You may collect things in regards to that person/team, you may follow their social media, you may keep track of what they're doing with their lives. As I stated, Parasocial relationships are normal.

______________________________________________________________

ALL of Fizz's fans are in some form of parasocial relationship with him. You have some really wholesome and innocent ones like these:

And you have ones who are a little TOO comfortable and end up crossing boundaries and comfort zones simply because they BELIEVE it would be acceptable. The image that Mammon has made for Fizz would imply that Fizz is comfortable with this treatment, and therefore, the fans show their support in a more uncomfortable fashion. But there is still a disconnect there. Most of these fans still see Fizz as a character. An actor and a performer, NOT as a personal friend. They all still have that understanding that THEY are not any more special than the person next to them. They are there FOR THE COMMUNITY, for the bonding and the sharing of experiences. None of these people believe that they actually have a chance at being something special for the Real Fizz. Some may cope with that by buying a Robo-Fizz to fulfill fantacies, but they still understand the disconnect. They're there for the community and the experience, and they're fine with that.

But then you have THIS MOTHERFUCKER. The physical representation of the Darker side of Parasocial Relationships. He doesn't understand the disconnect, he doesn't understand that boundary that he's crossing.. The emotional intensity of this parasocial bond makes him act recklessly, obsessively, and downright threateningly, resulting in stalking and harrassment in order to attain even a modicum of attention from his obsession. Blitz mentions that this Imp has been snooping around their dressing rooms in order to get to Fizz, and he stalked them this whole way after Mammon's show just to have this interaction. He continues to be obsessed with Fizz into adulthood.

It is normal to have an emotional connection to other people, even celebrities and stars. We can relate to them, they give us joy and entertainment, it is even normal to hope to have an interaction with these people. But this imp has bypassed "normal" and has convinced himself that Fizz would give him the time of day. That their connection would be enough for Fizz to have a personal relationship with him. He believes that he is owed Fizz's time and attention. He either refuses or is unable to see the fear and discomfort he causes the person he claims to care about, and will lash out at anyone who tries to get in the way of him and his obsession. He has created this fantasy world where he and Fizz would meet and be together and be happy for the rest of their lives, completely disregarding Fizz and his emotions. When he tries again in adulthood to get Fizz to talk to him and acknowledge him, he becomes angry when Fizz refuses to "play his role" in this imp's fantasy. When he is rejected for the last time, he becomes so angry and hurt that he actually goes into Fizz's room prepared to attack him with a knife.

People keep saying that this imp was cringy, that this whole thing was cringy and unrealistic, but this is actually a REALITY that many of us either don't acknowledge or we just don't see. We hear stories of obsessed fans ALL THE TIME. Ones who show up at celebrity's homes and places of work, who stalk and harass them, who demand some form of communication and respect. We hear of fans who claim that they are dating a celebrity, and actually believe that they are simply because the celebrity SPOKE to them. There have been attempted and successful kidnaps and attacks by these fans.

As cringy as this is, THIS is a reality for many people who are in the spotlight. There are a lot of people who don't understand the boundaries, the limits, and the social norms, and will fully believe that they are fated to be with a certain person. We have all, in some way, felt that desire to have an interaction with someone 'special'. Many of us pay hundreds of dollars in order to have a picture taken with a special person because that moment is SO important to us. But for some, they cross that line and it becomes a very dangerous situation...

I love how they portrayed that situation here. Realistic, even if cringy.

#helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #vivziepop

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20doozers · 5 months

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★House Party★

TW: Angst, hints of a crush, being in the closet, slight homophobia implications, cuddling, alcohol, underage drinking (depending on where you’re from), m!reader, hopeless love

Tom and his brother bill were hosting a party at their house where almost the whole school would be there. It was crowded, loud music playing over everything and drunk people everywhere. Yet as Tom walked through the crowd, he he spotted you, walking up behind you and wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Hey pretty boy.” He murmured into your ear, being just loud enough for you to hear him over the loud music.

“Why’re you so quiet today?”

He takes another hit before offering the joint to you. “You always have something sassy to say.”

You shook your head, not taking the joint since I knew weed would just make you feel worse. You felt so icky, like a mix of overstimulated but understimulated at the same time. But would you tell Tom that? No. You just felt icky,maybe because it wasn’t your type of environment but you couldn’t really tell.

“Are you alright? You’ve been acting kinda off all night… Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” He asked softly, almost as if the two weren’t supposed to be enemies. You just shook your head weakly and hid your face in the crook of Tom’s neck, not wanting to face your problems but just wanting some form of physical support. Tom could feel his heart beating in his chest, his face flushing at the feeling of his arms around you, and you being so close. He would never admit it out loud, but he always found you really really cute when you were like this.

“What’s wrong pretty boy? You okay?” he spoke softly into you hair. You shook your head weakly. “no…”

“C’mon talk to me..Please? I can’t help unless you tell me what’s wrong..” He rubs your back softly, whispering to you, it was only you two in your little world right now.

You smelled so sweet, almost like a girl, since you usually wore perfume since most men’s cologne gave you headaches. Tom loved how you smelled, like the one time you accidentally left your jacket with him and he cuddled it to sleep that night. Either way you and tom were supposed to hate eachother, even though you really didn’t.

Nobody really knew why you two were enemies, all they thought was something went bad between you, yknow, typical boy stuff. But it was so much more than that, Tom was scared, scared of being rejected, scared of ruining things, yet more importantly he was scared of being different.

“If only they knew the truth..” He whispered quietly to himself, running his fingers through your hair. He thought of how nice this moment was, how he just wanted to stay here and in this moment forever. But he had to face reality, and he could never tell you how he felt in-front of those other people downstairs. He wasn’t sure if you felt the same. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if you liked men. So he just stayed there, waiting, waiting for a possible moment to reveal his feelings..

“N-nothing.. Just, uh, just talking to myself..” He mumbled out, awkwardly.

But Tom knew he’d truly never have the courage to confess, so for now he just stayed quiet, happy to have you in his arms even if it was only temporary…

HII!! I haven’t posted a legit fic in.. a while? Idk. This one was a bit rushed so excuse any mistakes! But it’s mostly just rewritten chats from THIS c.ai bot I made :3 so I hope you guys like it! Love you guys💕💕

Tags: @cherry-rawr @itsmealaiah @charliesgoodboy @goreishgorinthgoreofshits @madzandmore (sorry if I forgot any tags💕)

#tokio hotel x male reader #tokio hotel x you #kaulitz #tom kaulitz #m!reader #mlm #gn!reader #tom kaulitz x male reader #tom kaulitz fluff #tokio hotel x reader #tom kaulitz x reader #tokio hotel fluff #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz imagines #tokio hotel imagine #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #gustav schäfer #georg listing

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