#i respect your opinions you are all valid i am glad you can enjoy a show

[barbieslutshamesken]

hi. i feel like enough time has passed and i have separated myself from the fandom enough to make this statement. anyways here’s my super duper controversial statement.

nick and charlie are poorly written characters and they’re relationship is entirely too codependent. as a queer person (assigned male at birth) who has been interested in guys, i hate how they’re relationship is depicted. i really just have a huge issue with women writing men-loving-men relationships, i never think they do it right. and YES i am aware that alice oseman is queer/gender-queer but she is a femme-presenting/woman-aligned person who is also aroace. she has never lived that experience and i do not think that her telling of that experience is accurate. i think it’s extremely cishet-washed and honestly i feel like it’s pandering to straight people and people who are newly out, if that makes any sense. i personally feel that they’re story lacks nuance. it embodies the worst aspects of ya fiction.

firstly, my main issue i have is with charlie and how he is depicted as a queer man. i find issue with the way he is depicted; timid, awkward, clumsy, and in need of saving. i HATE that fucking trope. i hate that everyone’s idea of a gay couple is of this femboy, who was probably abused or bullied, being saved/rescued/“really-loved” by a larger, more masculine, jock.

i have personally gone through many of charlie’s experiences. i was r@ped/sa’d as a young person, i have struggled with anorexia, and i have and still do struggle with self-harm/cvtting. i have also stayed in a mental health facility! sounds familiar, right? that’s because all of that shit also happened to charlie spring. but we don’t get to see any of his healing process. we don’t see him in therapy. we don’t see his time in the hospital. all we see is how it affects nick and how nick gives him the strength to recover. blah blah blah gag me with a spoon.

anyways, having said all of this. i have read the entire updated comics, and i have seen the show. i plan on reading the final installment of the comics and watching the remainder of the series. i do think queer people need and fucking deserve more representation and more media depicting our normal domestic lives. there are so many shitty straight shows that are just pure fluff and entertainment and queer people fucking deserve that.

i also am extremely interested to see if/how alice incorporates darcy‘s actor kizzy edgall’s transmasculinity into darcy’s character. i would have a totally new respect for her to ACTUALLY WRITE a complicated subplot that is nuanced and depicts how queer people’s labels change and how their understanding of their gender and queerness grow with them. how does tara react? does she amicably break up with darcy to respect their identity? or does she come to the conclusion that, “fuck it. i love darcy. who cares if we aren’t technically in a lesbian/sapphic relationship. i am still valid.” THAT WOULD FUCKING ROCK

anyways best character is elle. hehehehehe.

sincerely,

an openly queer, semi-closeted transfeminine person. *equips sunglasses*

[lutawolf]

Dear Lutha,

Thank you very much for your kind and quick response to my previous (and very first) question, which was about 'caging' in D/s relationships. I really enjoyed it and I'm looking forward to reading your post on the topic.

Since I appreciate your thoughts so much, I am writing to you on another topic. In some dramas with strong D/s elements (such as Cutie Pie, Love in the Air, My Personal Weatherman, You are mine and even sometimes in KinnPorsche), infantilization dynamics are to be seen. This element is all the stronger as the age gap is marked, even though it can still show up anytime.

I'm not necessarily talking about the Dad/little dynamics, but of a more general Adult/minor type relationship, where the former leads and protects the latter through the usual parental tools (like scolding, giving lessons, correcting, punishing, rewarding etc.. .).

For me, this pattern is for example very strong in a series like My Personal Weatherman, where Segasaki assumes a parental role towards Yoh, who often acts and speaks like a child (either spontaneously or in reaction to his partner's attitude). If I understand them correctly, @notfreetoday's detailed and fascinating posts on language(s) in My Personal Weatherman tend to validate this impression.

So, I wanted to ask you a/ if you would also describe parts of these relationships as consensual infantilization and, b/ if so, if they are in your opinion different from common D/s dynamics. Or whether they should be seen as a particular expression of a mere D/s dynamics.

If you have time, I would be happy to read your thoughts on this matter. Thank you once again for your delightful posts.

Best,

Yassa

Hey Yassa!!!

I'm so glad you enjoy my writing. It means a lot!

"Where the former leads and protects the latter through the usual parental tools (like scolding, giving lessons, correcting, punishing, rewarding etc...)."

Labeling discipline as infantile is limiting. We use corrective tools even in the work place. If you mess up then you get scolded, given a lesson, correcting, and so on. We all need correction at any stage of age. It just depends on your hierarchy on how that correction is given. With a D/s relationship, the hierarchy places the Dom at the top. Therefor, if a Dom just like a Boss is found to be wrong, the consequences will be far different from those given to a sub or subordinate. It's an imbalance in power control.

However, I think I'm capturing what you are really trying to ask. All the shows you just mentioned are BT/b relationships. Which is a D/s relationship involving a Brat Tamer Dom and a brat submissive. This is the type of Dom that I am. We are typically very cool, calm, and collected. We are protective but much more loose on the leash than other Doms. We will often engage in romantic play or play fighting, but push us too far, and you will see an intensity in us that will send shivers down your spine. Regardless of how gentle we seem, we will gladly give it to you if you deserve punishment. Due to our submissives liking to push our buttons, you'll see a more tug of war relationship. Depending on if we want to get ahead of it or let it play out is how you'll see us lead. Which is why you see more disciplining in a BT/b relationship.

The Brat Submissive - Brats in general are overly-aggressive, sarcastic, sassy, and your general coyote. They have no intentions of submitting to anyone's authority or discipline if you have not earned their respect.

The SAM Submissive - The SAM is a type of brat. A SAM type submissive, also known as a Smart-Assed Masochist, is just that, a smart-talking submissive with a quick tongue. Usually, their Sammie behavior isn't actually a cry for attention; it's just their way of being playful. In fact, most SAMs when actually threatened with punishment will back off, saying that they were only playing and that they didn't mean anything by it. Occasionally, this behavior can be incredibly frustrating to their partners, but the rewards far out weigh the negatives.

My Beautiful Man: Starts out as M/s which is Master slave and moves into a deep D/s. No BT/t in this relationship.

Not Me: This is a soft D/s relationship, but it's there. White is a little bit of a brat but much more subservient.

Love In The Air: Very much BT/b relationship. With a Primitive Brat Taming Dom and SAM submissive.

Until We Meet Again: I recommend this one for seeing the difference between a deeper D/s relationship that is Dean and Pharm. In comparison to Win and Team who are BT/b.

Between Us: WinTeam's story. Brat Tamer with a SAM submissive. The difference in Team is that he is a Dom outside of their relationship. So what is called a Sexual Submissive Only.

I Will Knock You: Deep D/s with large age gap. The youngest being the Dom.

Stay By My Side: D/s relationship with a stricter Dom but a brat of a sub.

My Personal Weatherman: A Deep Brat Tamer with a brat submissive.

Hope this was helpful! 💜💜💜

[caelumsnuff]

Hi, sorry this is a long ask but I really appreciated your posts! The daemon/demon allegory had been bothering me since that storyline started but I hadn't really been able to articulate why, and it brought a lot of other issues to light for me as well!

(Personally I never finished the freelancer series because the whole bridging/SA allegory really made me angry so I appreciate that someone else also saw the reasons why that decision was... poor to say the least).

And definitely agreed about the over-polarization of characters into good vs. bad!

I feel like a lot of the story decisions are based on the fact that many people are self-inserting, which unfortunately means reducing a lot of the nuance and gray aspects that would be more interesting to explore. Like with Vincent and Lovely- from a self-insert perspective, it's more 'romantic' and comforting to think that your partner would have as limited a power divide between you as possible and would take steps to ensure that, even though narratively it's not as interesting a choice. Which is also why I think the Bright Eyes storyline was axed, and why Love's obsession code was removed, and why I'm afraid that Darlin's story resolution is just going to fade into some milquetoast version of "love fixes everything!" rather than what it could have been- because people are putting themselves in the place of the listeners, it reinforces the idea that to like a character you have to endorse and agree with all their actions, so necessarily any character doing "bad" things or making darker decisions is a "bad person" and people don't want to imagine themself as a "bad person", no matter what that does to the story being told.

Honestly, Sam and Darlin' are my favorite characters which is why it pains me that their story is edging dangerously close to "I got into a relationship and it solved all my problems!" rather than two people with trust issues and unresolved trauma finding a friend when they needed one and that relationship slowly blossoming into something more as both of them come to terms with the things that are haunting them (which I agree would make more sense if Sam had either been turned more recently or if it had been clearly established that the clan is more loose-knit and not in fact a workable support system for him); honestly when the story started and it said slow burn I kind of thought they wouldn't start dating until much later, maybe even after things with Quinn came to a head, and I'm a bit disappointed we only got about 2 audios of them interacting pre-relationship. (Also I have a lot of problems with the way things between Darlin' and the pack were "resolved" in one frankly condescending and empty speech about family but I won't get into it here)

Anyway sorry again for the long message but thank you for your posts!

No need to apologize for the long message, i appreciate them You’re welcome for the posts, im happy to know that some people really enjoy them and that they’re making people think a little. Apparently a handful of people have dropped the Freelancer series because of the choices that were made in it, which is valid. I’m not exactly happy that its so bad that so many of us see issue with it, but i am glad to know im not the only person who feels it was wrong. I’m not neccesarily concerned about people self-inserting into listener characters, that is what they are for, Redacted made all content gender neutral and as inclusive as possible for this exact purpose. I think some of the issues with story-telling and overpolarization with characters does stim from Redacted’s desire to write content as inclusive as possible though. I respect this decision and desire, but i don’t think you can ever please everyone when it comes to the type of content you make without sanitizing a lot of it. Maybe this opinion stims from my general ‘doesn’t give a fuck’ attitude about creation, but he really could have just gone for it and made characters grayer (especially ones the listeners have romantic relationships with), regardless of whether or not it brings in a larger audience and pleases the most amount of people. It would be generally better from a story telling perspective. We already have ASMR content (from other creators) that caters specifically to a certain audience that excludes a lot of people (content that is very gendered, content that is racially specific with blushing and hair, etc etc), I think making content that is gender-neutral with some more complicated and grayer characters is a good middle ground, a niche that Redacted can fill. Maybe with Redacted leaving the discord server, he’ll be seeing a lot less of peoples opinions personally, and will start writing content that better fits his writing style and his characters again. It’s something that i would be really happy to see again, genuinely. Because i love Darlin’ and Sam so much is definitely the reason im concerned about where their story is going. But again, maybe Redacted distancing himself from the fanbase will save some storylines. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows tho Thanks again for the ask 💖

[adventuresinclientservice]

Why don’t I quit?

Around this time of year I do a quick accounting of the number of people who have visited Adventures since I began writing it in 2010:   give or take, there have been about 26,000 visitors, most of whom I assume became at least momentary readers, if not repeat visitors.  The year before it was 24,000 visitors; the year before that, about 20,000.  Some growth yes – it certainly beats diminishing returns -- but a long way from explosive.  

Viral I am not.

There are two ways to view this:  1) “That’s a fair number of people, Robert; congrats;” or 2) “That really sucks, Robert, you ought to stop.”

It’s a little like the sales of The Art of Client Service:   20,000-plus copies sold is, by most measures, a respectable number, especially for the third edition of a specialized business book with a far from inexhaustible market.  But then I think, would it be acceptable to another business book writer, say a Michael Lewis or a Malcolm Gladwell?  Anything but.  It is, by their standards I imagine, a failure.

So why do I keep at it?  Why continue writing?  Is it worth it?  I’ve been at this for twelve years, I will be 72 next month; after nearly 40 years in this business, isn’t calling it a day long overdue?

That’s one voice in my head, marshalling compelling, hard-to-ignore arguments.  But there is another voice, equally strong, making counter-arguments, so I sat down for a quiet reckoning of sorts.  I made a list of reasons – the cynical among you might consider them rationalizations; I think otherwise -- that ran pretty long, but as I think about it, five emerge:

Connection.  There’s a saying, “You don’t use it, you lose it.”  Adventures is my way of orienting myself in, to, and with the business, a means of keeping my head in the game.  Posting once a week, which I try to do, provides structure and discipline.  I get  to “try on” ideas, one of which, the optimist in me proclaims, might serve as the spark that ignites a book idea.  It hasn’t happened yet – there have been any number of false starts -- but one can hope.

Conversation.   Adventures has served as connective tissue to former strangers I now consider friends, people like Rick English, Ken Ohlemeyer, Jenny Plant, Eva Van Krugel, and a host of others I otherwise would not have had the pleasure of engaging with.  On occasion an unsolicited note from a complete unknown validates my efforts.  In a moment of doubt, I receive a message from a former client, Seth Romanow, “I enjoy reading your posts.”

I am not reaching millions of people, but I am reaching one person at a time; that person matters, at least to me.  

Conviction.  This doesn’t happen often, but Adventures grants license to set the record straight. For example, I am a proverbial heat-seeking missile when Peter Theil suggests students no longer need to go to college, or Charlie Rose reveals himself to be the despicable sexual predator he is, or people pervert and abuse LinkedIn,, or when the liar-in-chief embarrasses himself yet again.  

When someone or something elevates my temperature to a boiling point, I know where the frog lives.

Condolence.  The hardest thing to write is a tribute to someone who has departed to the big advertising agency in the sky or elsewhere in the unknowable firmament. The most rewarding thing to write is that tribute.  

I never envisioned Adventures as a place to recognize the departed, but I am glad it has evolved into this role.  Most of the people I celebrate are colleagues. A few are friends.  With a handful, I simply am a fan.  I am honored to write about all of them.

Continuity.  Truth be told, the number of visitors to Adventures is abysmal, an embarrassment, maybe both. I’ve lost count of the number of times I seriously considered giving up.  But then I think of the friends I’ve made, the opinions I’ve shared, and the people I’ve remembered and celebrated, and, above all, the help I tried to provide. 

Perspective is a funny thing.  I step back from the on-going, occasionally discouraging toil of writing Adventures in Client Service and ask,

“Is it worth it?”  

Answer:  “It most certainly is.”

Twelve years on, I am grateful for your readership of what’s on the page today or what’s come before, anything that is enticing or useful enough to warrant your attention, and when you’re so inclined, a comment in return.  

See you next week.

[spotsupstuff]

Your Fruit Twins Au where they're brothers is one of the most well-detailed AUs I've seen in the fandom and I like it lots! I enjoy reading and looking at everything about it when I can; both the art and writing. I also don't ship Wukong x Mac with reasons, too. Mostly due to their context from the book. I read you also don't ship them for complicated reasons. I'm just curious why on the full story, but I understand if you don't answer. Anyhow, cheers to your work ^^

AA!!!! Im so glad you find the detailness of the au good!!! N that you enjoy it!!!!!!!!! Means a lot, its a lot of fun to work on it <3

Well, my whole perception on shippin those two is, on the very base of it all, a big No cuz just like you I hold onto n respect the context of the book a ton. My opinion about the whole thing is heavily influenced by the chinese peeps here on tumblr- they essentially made up my whole opinion for a good while, cuz, after all, they know better than I do when it comes to their own damb culture. Plus, after reading SEM's chapter + looking around the internet to see how some other peeps interpret his role in the story, I find it... incredibly disrespectful n kinda shitty to take away the important religious meaning of his existence as embodiment of the "two mindness". N as Ive said in a different post before, I sorta lean more into the eastern faith than what is generally regarded as the western faith, so yanno

N thru this religious/philosophical meaning of him, pairin him up with Sun Wukong is Either like pairin two sibs together, or, honestly, pairin up an offspring with their mother if we aliken what the fuck went down with them to biology- seeing as SEM came out of SWK. Myths n legends r just weird like that n the book has a big myth/legend feel to it

But!

I've seen Other chinese peeps on other platforms either not minding them being paired up or actively shippin them. There's always going to be a wide pool of opinions on a topic, especially with such a giant audience as people who grow up with the Journey. After seein that there Is indeed a wider pool of opinions about this in the homeland of the book, Ive felt like I can kinda chill out with the metaphoric fist clenching and barking bout the whole situation (n proceed to more freely develop my own opinion)

Im not an asian, so I simply do not have the emotional connection to these characters like chinese people do and thats where the ones on tumblr base Their understandable and incredibly valid resentment (idk if thats the right word) from. They have a deep-rooted idea of those two that cant be shaken n there IS no reason to shake it at all either. Not having any of those things as a foreigner and seeing that its more of a loose situation, makes Me specifically more "eh, whatever I guess?" bout it

[I AM however not of an american/anglo-saxon roots either and even though my Own culture/folklore has been thru, basically, a genocide (that may or may not be still on-going honestly -pained sigh-), I understand the importance of the culture thats being kind of doubted/stained by sh@dowpeach. I do Get it to a certain fundamental level, yanno?]

N so because of the lack of connection to the specifically asian culture + still knowing how much it hurts to have ur culture disgraced + the wide pool of opinions From valid sources (the story's homeland's people) + the fact that sometimes interpretations will just simply vary from the source material n LMK has showcased multiple times that it is not interested in tracing the Journey's footsteps to the last letter, my final opinion on the ship is "Not for me, chief, das kinda yucky (but I guess I can't exactly jump your throat for it like I would with more blatantly direct incest)"

THOUGH I DO GOTTA ADMIT after the season 3 finale, after That One Scene, my No is stronger cuz if that wasnt a display of sib culture (+ what Xiaotian said) then Im a fuckin donkey

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

(Tone/intention indicator: non-aggressive!! Pensive and open/hopeful for discussion and/or advice. Not at all trying to be a grouch.)

I do get the joke and I get that there's plenty of evidence that he does like to take it up the ass which is rad for him if he does, you know, but it feels crappy to me, the way a lot of the fandom (NOT you—I haven't seen anything like this from you) and actually also Misha treats Dean and sometimes/by proxy Jensen with the whole calling him/them a bottom, especially when Jensen isn't part of the conversation and doesn't even know that there's anything to respond to. It just gets said about him in public, and then onus is on him to find it and respond. It's a gotcha situation though, I don't think there's even anything he could say in his own defense (if he wanted to, that is. idk, for all I know, maybe Jensen is into it too, but that's sort of my problem.. I don't how he feels about being called a girl, a bottom, an omega etc) that people wouldn't claim that, by saying he isn't a bottom, sub or femme, he actually is proving he's a "subby little girlboy," or so I saw it said. I wish we as a community could talk about the nuance and inherent homophobia and transphobia in leering about it that way, in stereotyping 'bottom/subby behavior' and categorizing that behavior as feminine etc. I'm a trans dude, a dom and a top and a lot of the things I see people saying about Dean being a bottom or, worse, about Jensen being a bottom, are just so.. emasculating to me, because a lot of that stuff is stuff I do, too. Dean is a fictional character so his feelings can't get hurt, but Jensen is a real person, you know? And there's like a million people on the internet saying they can tell he's a subby, femme bottom despite whether he's ever said anything to the contrary or not. It's.. jarring, too, since I'm also a real person and they're often pointing to traits and behaviors that I share as evidence. It makes me so dysphoric to see so many people calling him girly and needy and in heat or what have you and citing how he (over)performs masculinity. I over-perform masculinity, too, but I do it because I enjoy the presentation, not because I'm over-compensating and Actually A Girl. I'm actually pretty comfortable in my relationship with gender at this point. Sometimes I also wear dresses. I'm still a dude. It sucks that it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that loudly performing masculinity can only ever mean overcompensation, and never gender euphoria. It seems like a lot more people are more interested in forcing Dean to perform femininity—like people want to humble and humiliate him for his past/present comphet and his idea of his own masculinity—not in allowing him to participate in traditionally non-masculine things according to what he likes, or to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy. It's like, instead of him aggressively overcompensating his Manly Man-ness, everyone wants to make him aggressively, stereotypically effeminate and one dimensional in the opposite direction. What are your thoughts on it, if you don't mind sharing? Do you think there's a way to have this conversation in the fandom? Or am I missing the point?

hi! okay first of all I love your tone indicators, we should all be doing this online tbh because it absolutely sets the voice for the rest of your ask and I appreciate it so very much.

preliminarily - I am not an expert on this topic in any way, so please take my response with an entire value-size canister of salt.

I think your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid, and I don't disagree. I personally try to steer clear of most of the real person is this and that thing unless they uh. you know. tweet it out loud at the internet (for what it's worth, I do think - any joking I may have vaguely done aside - that Misha's past two top related tweets specifically were fairly pointed at himself (yes, I know one was about Dean and Cas fanfic, but he said "I" enjoy being on top, not Cas enjoys topping Dean). I am certain he is aware of the innuendo though, and how fandom will take it so your commentary on his being a participant is certainly correct as well. Also, I firmly believe that Misha does treat humans, especially those he is close w, with the utmost respect and any joking he has done re Jensen has been in a place of Jensen being okay with it (like I don't think he would ever say anything he knows would make Jensen feel uncomfortable whether he is within earshot or across the country when it's said).

*takes off Misha apologist hat*

As for the rest, I think your points are extremely well made and it's definitely a conversation that can (and should!) be had in fandom. I do agree that this topic can and has been misconstrued (sometimes for shitposting's sake sometimes not) as it applies to irl people and situations. I personally think that Jensen is a very multidimensional and layered human (which serves him greatly as an actor, I mean he contains literal multitudes) and to classify him as either pendulum end - as you mentioned, is doing his human self a disservice. I think it's also important for all of us to remember that gender is a construct and can be so fluid, so putting any of it in a socially constructed box just defies the entire point of the conversation.

I don't know if this is making any sense (your points are a lot more well spoken and coherent than mine), but I do think what you said is so important and needs to be out there. Also, I hope you know you are so freaking valid and nothing that's said on this site or others about traits/behavioors of Jensen's that mirror your own is a firm definition for those traits/behaviors, especially if people are putting them in a category you don't necessarily agree/feel comfortable with or identify as the right 'definition' if you will. Your words - "to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy" really resonated with me, and I think they hold true for both Jensen and you. To radically be our authentic selves is the goal, and I'm so glad that based on what you said you're feeling about your own relationship with gender it seems like you are in that place!!!

Sorry this is so long of a response and probably. muddy. I hope I got the gist of what you were asking, but also thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, you expressed them really clearly and it's given me a lot to think about :) if I got anything wrong, or misunderstood a point you were making please feel free to pop by and clarify or correct me.

I hope you have an excellent day <3

[anupalya]

Please bear with me, I’m about to say this as a complete and utter Destiel lover (as anyone who spends even a tiny bit of time on my dash can see), Misha lover, and person who just loves my little curated corner of fandom and the incredible explorations of love and friendship and family and fun that fanworks bring. 

This is also very much NOT intended as a call-out post, and not intended to scold or shame anyone for anything they are experiencing or feeling.  I am just sharing my own differing opinion.

I’ve pieced together what happened during today’s Q&A after being very confused for a few hours (lol coming on tumblr is always an experience), and I honestly love that the questions today weren’t about Destiel.  That’s not because I don’t love having new Destiel revelations, and I definitely was celebrating yesterday when Misha shared that Cas could see the love in Dean’s eyes.  It is so wonderful to have someone say “you’re not crazy, I see it too, I played it that way ON PURPOSE, this is how I felt the character was” after all the gaslighting crap Destiel fans get put through, and how often we get called crazy and cringey.  It was also a particularly beautiful, thoughtful, affirming, and just all-around good take that adds another lovely piece to our Destiel mosaic.  So I absolutely celebrated and reblogged the shit out of things yesterday, and I am so glad we all enjoyed it.

That being said, I personally want to be moving away from holding Misha as an authority over the character of Castiel or of Destiel.  It’s actually hard for me to remember to do, honestly, given all the bullshit the see-double-you and various other people have pulled.  He’s shouldered the burden of all of their failures in that regard, which has to be exhausting and straining.  But, as shown by the care he gave to his Destiel responses yesterday, Misha does not want to be the definitive authority on this subject, and I quite agree, for a number of reasons.  If he tried, he’d never be able to avoid invalidating some or other person’s read or interpretation on the character or relationship.  It would end up being at the very least a publicly-not-queer-presenting man talking over queer voices, which he was so careful and conscious to NOT do, yesterday.  He also, and I cannot stress this enough, has not watched the show.

Fandom and fan works, the different interpretations of Destiel and the beautiful art created around it, have changed my life in many ways.  And this was done by different people presenting their own interpretations, by saying “screw you” to the story we got and “love you” to the characters we got.  The beautiful, incredible thing about fandom is that we are our own authority over the story, and no one person’s opinion overrides another.  It’s in that we don’t have to look to anyone to be the authority and say what is right or wrong.  Validation is wonderful, especially because people love calling us crazy and delusional, and so the thoughtful validation Misha gave yesterday shows respect and solidarity and acknowledgement that we are not stupid or crazy because he played it that way on purpose(!!!), but it was not the deciding factor on whether we were “right” or “wrong.”

Today’s panel had questions about Bridgewater, about the food show, his poetry book, Darius....I haven’t seen it yet but I am so excited to.  If Misha shares Destiel opinions I am so happy to hear them and celebrate them, but I also want to hear about his next endeavors and the fun he is having with them, what they mean to him, etc.  I am so glad people asked those questions, because that sounds like a fun panel, very interesting and lovely and I hope Misha also had a wonderful time answering them and sharing his interest and endeavors with us.

Once again, this is NOT intended to scold, shame, or hurt anyone.  I do want to say that I doubt we will be able to get much more of Misha’s opinions than what we’ve got (although if I’m wrong, yay) because I doubt he can share everything we want to know, ESPECIALLY about the see-double-you’s fuckery, and again, he doesn’t seem to want to position himself as an authority on the subject.  For that reason, I do want to caution everyone who might be disappointed right now to not get your hopes up again, but encourage you instead to just treat any possible new shared opinions or revelations of his intent in playing Cas as beautiful (although NOT authoritative) presents.

[trashahime]

Anon, sorry for taking so long and the length. There was a lot to address and I tend to ramble. Due to the length I am going to divide your ask in chunks and respond to each paragraph individually for clarity's sake.

I'm curious as to why you have addressed this to Sesskagu shippers both here and later. TBH, this alone will make many doubt that you are truly neutral because you seem to have fallen for the common but false claim that the anti sentiment has it's roots in bitterness over a lost ship war.

Those supporting the end are made up of a variety of people who are simply united in their dislike/disappointment. Among them are shippers and non-shippers, antis, neutrals and even some SR fans who are bothered by how their ship is portrayed.

Personally, I don't think it takes any kind of mental gymnastics to have a problem with how Sessrin is depicted in Yashahime. There are some antis who probably do purposely make the worst possible interpretations to fuel their disgust/anger. But most are being completely sincere in their belief that Rin was married and pregnant by the time she was 15. You have probably already seen and dismissed all the anti arguments to support this view so it would be pointless to rehash them. You can believe it's just about disliking Sessrin but there were many antis like myself who were willing to accept the relationship even if we found it distasteful had Sunrise gone about things differently.

Each "hater" has their own reason for continuing to watch the show and I can't speak for them. Or as a "hater" either as I enjoyed the show. But I also think it's a trainwreck with many issues and problematic portrayals.

If people are targeting individuals and maliciously interacting with their posts then that is definitely harassment. However, I suspect you also mean the general posts made by antis criticizing those who watch the show.

The belief that watching/supporting Yashahime equals supporting a p*dophilic portrayal of Sessrin and other unsavory stuff is an opinion I disagree with. But I also disagree that expressing that opinion is harassment.

I get why you find it to be extremely harsh and hurtful but I also think you are taking it very personally when you needn't.

Consider my position. I'm an anti that still enjoys Yashahime. Most of those posts are made by my moots, some of which I have very friendly interactions with. I have even more reason to feel personally attacked by them but I don't. Just because I respect someone's right to an opinion that doesn't mean I am obligated to agree with it and make it apply it to myself. Unless you agree that liking Yashahime means condoning p*dophilia, then I'd advise you to take the view that those posts don't pertain to you at all.

As for petitions, bad reviews, being glad Yashahime is almost over... Well that's some of the least offensive actions an anti can take. Two of the three are against corporations, not fellow fandom members and the other is just a celebration amongst themselves.

They don't affect anyone else unless the petitions and bad reviews are substantial enough to put the shows future in jeopardy. IMO, the correct counter action is good reviews and supportive petitions, not telling antis to stop. They have the right to express their opinions.

I have seen many grooming and csa survivors say they also don't view Sessrin as having those aspects. However, there are many survivors on the anti side that strongly disagree. While I think that the opinions of those who have endured similar circumstances have more weight, it also creates kind of a never ending tug of war situation where neither side can really "win" the argument because they are equally balanced. For every survivor saying it is, there is one saying it's not.

Generally, I choose not to use the words p*dophilia or grooming when describing the Sessrin relationship or say that everyone who likes the pairing is a P&G apologist.

Many antis don't agree on this, but I think it's possible to have headcanons and scenarios that result in a version of Sessrin in which those things are not present. Fanonwise anyway. To me, the canon situation can definitely be interpreted to believe that they are present.

Mostly, I tend not to use the terms because they have specific psychological and legal definitions. That makes it very easy for SR fans to completely dismiss the idea that they could apply to Sessrin because it's not a perfect fit. I think if it turns out to be part of actual canon or if it's just part of one's own headcanon that Sesshomaru was "waiting" for Rin to grow up and courting her with gifts like the kimonos then that means he had a romantic interest in her when she was too young for it to be acceptable.

He might not be a technical p*do in that he is attracted to children, but his thoughts and actions are of one with regards to Rin. I agree with those that say Sesshomaru would never intentionally manipulate or pressure Rin to be with him, thus not "technically" grooming.

However, informing her via courting that he wants to be with her when she is older does put a type of manipulative pressure on her. For years, she will have to live with the knowledge that her literal savior, the most important person to her in the world, someone she loves and doesn't want to disappoint, is waiting for her. It will absolutely influence her life choices and who she becomes.

No need to apologise, I don't mind being vented at and am clearly prone to long-ass messages myself.

I think you do have some valid frustrations but I don't think they all are.

It's often forgotten that antis are major fans too. Many wanted to love Yashahime but in their eyes Yashahime "bashes" the OG and it's characters. It's ruined something they held near and dear. And they are highly upset about it.

Think about it, that's probably why you and others are so angry at the criticism. It's bashing something you all enjoy or maybe even love and it's making you highly upset. You all are more alike then you realize.

You can let it all impact your fandom experience or realise there is very little you can do about it because that criticism, even if you find it unfounded, harsh or extreme has the right to exist provided it doesn't break the rules of the website. You won't be able to block it all away.

it's a tired old cliche but it's true that you can't control what others do, only your own reaction to it. And frankly I think some of your reactions are as extreme as to what you ascribe to antis. I mean, you want them to stop celebrating the end of Yashahime. How does that really personally affect you?

A change in perspective as I described earlier goes a long way in not taking anti criticism personally. It even works when you are being personally attacked. I have seen posts about me specifically saying I am a deluded and deranged individual with real life mental health issues just because I think Kagura is the mom. Those people don't know me and I know the truth about myself. So why let someone's unfounded false world view affect me or my fandom experience?

Anyway, you probably just wanted to rant and weren't expecting or wanting this massive response. I hope you find a way to deal with the negativity because it's not completely avoidable but it will die down eventually.

[cruelfeline]

I'm both a Hordak and Catra stan but Can you really blame the "pro" Catra-stans ? Their favorite gets suffocated twice on screen,right when she was showing signs of change by opening up to Scorpia, she has lived with severe anxiety thinking Hordak would demote her, dispose of her any second if she failed And lo and behold it did really come true too. She got stripped of her rank, became suicidal, indifferent to danger., She leaves the wastes because despite being punished by Hordak she still wants to prove herself to him and get that bit of validation to realize her own self-worth(she gets also triggered by Shadow weaver but that comes only after interrogating Adora) .In season 4 after she feels cornered again she "dethrones" him but temporarily she then soon reverts to her old habits by wanting validation from Hordak like he desperately wanted prime's, she was content with being equals, partners in crime with Hordak rather than overthrowing him for real and such as when she asks him permission to "give the command", she goes from becoming a SW to a Hordak closing herself off from everyone, yelling "Get out" While Hordak too is undeniably abused. The narrative follows Catra more we see more of her suffering. So I really get why they're so biased but it's sad too because Hordak and Catra have many similarities with eachother.

Sorry English isn't my native tongue I hope I was a little intelligible.

Ah, no worries; your English is far better than however I would fare in your native tongue c:

On your points regarding Catra stans... well... I mean, certainly people have the right to feel the way they feel. It’s not like we can really control our feelings towards these characters; they just happen (case in point: me and this embarrassing Hordak stint I’ve been on for over a year). However... I can’t say that much of what you say regarding Catra holds true for me personally. And for that reason, I just don’t find much in common with the really hardcore Catra stans.

To me, a lot of it has to do with choices. Catra is at her most sympathetic to me in the very earliest seasons, where things are truly out of her control. Adora leaves. Shadow Weaver is still in power and treats her abominably. At this time, I really do feel for her. As the show goes on, however, I find that my ability to really connect with her just sort of dwindles. Especially when Hordak is right there and not presenting any of the problems Catra does.

Like... so, you mention that she lives with severe anxiety thinking that Hordak will demote her for failing, and that this comes true. Well... that’s not really the case, is it? Hordak doesn’t demote her for failing. He’s demanding, yes, but he’s not unreasonable. Rather, Hordak demotes her because she lies to him. And that is a choice she makes. She chooses to prioritize Shadow Weaver over what is essentially her job, and she does so in a way that presents a significant danger to both Hordak and the Horde itself - a danger that truly does become realized when Shadow Weaver helps the Princesses infiltrate the Fright Zone. This situation doesn’t make me feel sympathy for Catra. Rather, it makes me feel exasperated because she was given a legitimate chance by Hordak, and she squandered it. 

When she leaves the Waste, it’s not because she wants to prove herself to Hordak. Rather, she makes it very clear that she is disdainful of him and doesn’t much care for his opinion at all (calls him a shut-in, remarks that he doesn’t know anything about the outside world). The reason she leaves is because she learns that Shadow Weaver is with Adora, a bit of knowledge that, to her, means that Adora is “winning.” She leaves because her self-worth is essentially based on Adora herself. Catra feels the need to beat her, no matter what the cost. A concept that is really driven home at the end of season three where she just about says as much, declaring that she’d rather see the world end then let Adora win. Which... I mean, I get that she’s coming from a sad place, but there’s a line crossed there, and it’s a significant downer for me.

Moving on to season four, I wouldn’t say that she feels “cornered.” At the start of season four, Hordak is absolutely not a danger to her. He doesn’t want anything to do with her. He doesn’t want anything to do with anything. He’s... well, to my eyes, he’s depressed. He’s deeply hurt over Entrapta’s supposed betrayal, and he just wants to be alone. He wants to build up his defenses and protect himself from being hurt again. Because of these desires, he essentially stalls the war, and this is why Catra dethrones him. Not because she wants validation, or because he’s dangerous to her. Certainly not because he “corners” her. I mean... she enters his sanctum uninvited. She makes that move. Not him.

She legitimately dethrones him because he’s not warmongering fast enough for her. She wants to continue the war so she can stick it to Adora, and Hordak is too melancholy for her tastes. So she attacks him and removes his life support and basically bullies a disabled man so she can get back to heckling Adora.

I just... don’t really enjoy that? There’s nothing in it that I find sympathetic. Honestly, I just find it uncomfortable to watch.

I find it uncomfortable because in all of these instances, Catra has agency. She has power. She has the ability to make a good decision and just... kind of doesn’t. Over and over again. In numerous different, varied circumstances. Despite receiving support and love from Scorpia. And the ultimate reason she makes these bad decisions is because she wants to hurt Adora (whom she supposedly loves more than anything, so...? Yikes?). In the end, she really does abandon seeking any authority’s approval and makes it her mission to ensure that she wins while Adora loses. Her focus narrows to that point, and I’m just not super into it.

Hordak, on the other hand, never gets this sort of... vindictive cruelty streak to him. He remains focused inward. To his detriment, the poor dear.

The narrative may try to paint Catra as sympathetic, and it works to an extent, but for me, it ends up becoming less compelling to watch as she gains power and continues to do the worst things imaginable. Whereas Hordak, upon getting like... his first offer for friendship, immediately begins to change and reevaluate his priorities. Only to be stopped by... well, by Catra making a stupid, awful decision and ruining it for him.

I also am of the sort that finds the abuse that Hordak goes through to be far more horrific than what Catra goes through. That’s not to say that what happens to her isn’t terrible; it is. But... to me, it’s like comparing the Etherian Horde to the Galactic Horde. Yes, both are bad. But the Galactic Horde has... I don’t know... there’s something absolutely sick about it that just makes it worse for me. Some sort of existential wrongness. The same thing carries over to Hordak’s story. While Catra’s, like the Etherian Horde, is terrible, it just doesn’t reach the same level of visceral horror for me.

So, anon, while I respect Catra stans enjoying their fave, I can’t really say I can relate all that much anymore. Honestly, at this point, I just find her sort of frustrating. Especially given how her redemption arc pushes all of the other characters to the sidelines of the narrative and still fails to address major events (like Angella’s death, for example). 

Hordak’s character doesn’t suffer from these frustrations. So, in the end, I’m afraid I’m going to have to continue to prefer him. But that’s fine, I think; to each their own! 

I’m glad you can enjoy both to their fullest c:

[canonicallysoulmates]

Jensen was, once again, on Rosenbaum’s podcast; he had been on it last year it was a really good interview if you haven’t heard it I highly recommend it I also recommend checking out this new/more recent appearance it’s up for free on youtube I’ll leave a link at the end of this post in case you wanna check it out. I will say they don’t talk about the content of the final two episodes - this came out today (edit: yesterday, Sep 8th, since i’m posting after 12am) but the interview happened when the boys were starting their Canada quarantine -  so if you’re looking for info regarding the final episodes of the show you’re not gonna find it here, however, just like with the first time he was in the podcast, if you wanna hear two people who have known each other for a while talk then check it out. This was a bit more structured imo than the first time he was on the podcast. 

I, personally, am glad Jensen was on the podcast again because I really enjoyed his first appearance in it and I like Rosenbaum’s more laid back interview that’s more like a conversation style I think he gets people to open up more than they usually would in a more formal interview. 

There were some things that stood out to me so this is going to be a semi-recap type opinion post. Also, for the sake of convenience, from henceforth Michael Rosenbaum will be referred to as MR. 

- Even before the interview starts there’s something I loved and it’s MR saying/stating that j2 are the leads of the show, thank you MR for knowing what so many in this fandom fail to ❤ 

- Jensen spend a good chunk of this interview being fond over Jared and making them sound super married, and it started right at the beginning around 4 minutes in when after mentioning that some changes have been done to the final two epi scripts and that there were some things they could no longer do due to covid, MR - for some reason....(do you know something rosenbaum 👀😂) - goes “like you and jared can’t make out” and Jensen without missing a beat replies that corona or no corona he and Jared are making out...😏

- After some, actually pretty cool talk about how things are currently working bts and such, Jensen, once again, talks about Jared. MR and him were having a conversation about some changes that have been made for filming due to covid including the longer lunch breaks which turned the conversation on to food on set and MR asked if there was some go-to that catering knew to make for him like when he arrived on set in the morning so of course Jensen replied by talking about what Jared usually has for breakfast on set which is a breakfast burrito and he couldn’t resist mentioning the fact that Jared and him bicker about it because Jared likes to say he doesn’t eat breakfast to which Jensen points out the burrito and Jared insists that it doesn’t count- they sound so married I can’t fucking deal. Also, I love Jensen’s...fond laugh when he mentions that he and Jared get into “arguments” about it, he’s so soft for his boy 🥰  When he does get around to answering the question of what he usually gets he once again brings up the burrito, he says he usually gets breakfast on his way to work, a coffee and a simple, breakfast sandwich...so when he goes to the studio he won’t be tempted to go to catering and order a giant breakfast burrito. I wonder how many times they’ve argued over that damn burrito 😂

- MR asked Jensen if, after 15 years, he and Jared have their ups and downs and annoy the shit out of each other or if they’re like ‘I love him’ all the time. Jensen replied that over 15yrs there are moments when he’s like ‘I don’t need to see him right now’ but that for the most part the majority of the time “they’re buddies hanging out”

- One of the most interesting parts comes after MR asks who has the shortest fuse on set. And, Jensen, unsurprisingly to me, replies that it’s Jared who has the short fuse. I say unsurprisingly because while we as a fandom have gotten used to seeing Jared being silly, kind, sweet and caring to the point where some think of him as completely helpless, he can actually be very serious and professional, and I’ve always been of the thought that he is sweet up to a point reach that point and you’ll be in trouble. So, I wasn’t surprised to hear Jensen say Jared is the one with the short fuse, I also wasn’t surprised by him say that he likes to light Jared’s fuse, or that he knows how to get under Jared’s skin. 

Jensen also said that his and Jared’s frustrations tend to line up, so if something isn’t working or frustrating he’ll quickly bring it up to Jared or Jared will quickly bring it up to him; he also knows how depending on the severity whether Jared will get wound up and heads will roll or whether he’ll be able to diffuse the situation. That’s...a lot to unpack. Him saying that if something ain’t working or is frustrating they’ll quickly bring it up to one another makes me think of all the times they’ve said that they made each other a promise back in s1 to never let things escalate between them to the point it did when they had that big fight back then, it’s kind of in the same line but like because of him saying depending on the severity and if heads will roll it also sounds like he’s referring to maybe problems with a crew members or something maybe someone stepping out of line (which actually later on he does say they have had some situations over the years where new people will come in like guards and not treat their crew member the right way) and like just them having each others backs at work and protecting each other. Also, I think it says a lot about how well Jensen knows Jared that he knows whether Jared is going to snap about something or if he’ll able to calm him down. And it sounds like he’s the one in charge of cooling Jared down if something does happen that winds him up. 

He also said the few times that he has snapped Jared tends to be behind him ready to help with the insults if need be in others words Jared has his back. 

He also mentioned that there have been situations where they’ve had new people come in and not treat other crew members well so he and Jared have had to step in and let that person know the behavior that is expected of them, that makes me respect them even more like it’s no surprise spn truly is their show and for years guest stars have praised them specifically, for the environment that they have created and maintained on set- the way Jensen puts it is that they have had to put their producer hats on that they don’t actually own, I’ll forever be bitter that they never got a seat at the writer’s/producers table because they fucking deserve producer credits for this show with all the work they put into it that goes beyond acting in it. [timestamp]

- MR pretending to be Jensen: “you know Daneel- your wife”. I don’t know why this made me loose my shit, there’s just something hilarious about MR bringing up D and pointing out to Jensen that he’s talking about his wife as if Jensen had forgotten who he was married too 😂 (although considering how many times Jensen said Jared’s name and the whole making out thing I can’t blame MR for thinking Jensen had forgotten, silly rosenbaum he didn’t forget that’s why he kept talking about jared 😜)

- Jensen gave a cool funfact! Originally, the production wanted to get Bruce Campbell to play present-day John, back in s1, since JDM wasn’t that much older than the boys but for some reason or the other they weren’t able to get him so they decided instead to gray up JDM a bit and have him play an older version of himself! I wish Bruce Campbell would have appeared on the show because that would have been awesome but I’m glad they kept JDM playing John, I can’t imagine anybody else bringing that character to life. 

- Another interesting moment- or I guess not really interesting just something that stood out to me is that when MR asked if it had been hard to isolate and quarantine with D and the kids for 5 months Jensen said that it had been hard but he and D had a solid partnership, friendship, relationship....instead of just saying marriage. Which encompasses those three words. He went with three words that could be used to describe a relationship with a romantic partner, or just a friend which actually- it sounded less like he was talking about his wife and more about a friend who he’s raising his kids with. 

- They talked a little bit about Jensen’s album with MR even playing a bit of it and praising Jensen for his voice 🥰

- At the end Jensen opens up a bit about his mental health and how quarantine affected it and while he doesn’t go into detail he does say his kids kept him from falling into a depression and that there were days where he found himself lost. 

I am going to sound like a little bit of a *censored* because while he was talking about this at one point he mentions how his kids give him purpose and push him to find something to do and he starts listing things and one of them is making the kids dinner, setting them up with a movie then having a date in the kitchen with his wife which got a snort out of me because a couple months ago he did the How Are You Today interview and said he and D hadn’t gone on a date in months and yes, you could make the argument that he meant gone out as in to a restaurant but it sounded like he meant in general so when he brought that as an example of something he could do I just went *snort* yeah right. That being said, I think he brought that up more as an example than anything else but it did make me go ‘sure jan’. 

That moment aside, I think this might be the first time I’ve seen him open up about his mental health and struggles he might be having with it, I’m proud of him for talking about it even though it does seem like a topic he doesn’t feel fully comfortable sharing with the public which is completely valid.

Jensen on Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum September 8th 2020

[kermitthequeer]

review: Color Rush

Disclaimer: This is my very own humble opinion. If you  agree with my review, I’m glad that I’ve found someone like-minded, if  you do not agree, that’s fine too. Every opinion is valid. Don’t hate me  for mine.

I do not speak any asian language and therefore I rely solely on subtitles. And we all know that they are not always flawless. So if I misread a situation or misunderstand something, feel free to inform me. Spoilers ahead!

Genre: BL

From: Korea

Known Actors:  /

Trigger Warnings: obsession, death, attempted suicide

Rating: 7.5/10 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ ☆    

Synopsis: Yeon Woo knows the world is full of colors but he has never seen them for himself, he’s only able see the world in shades of grey. At least until the day Yoo Han comes crashing into his world. And it turns out that they are mono and probe. Means that Yeon Woo is able to see colors, everytime Yoo Han takes off his mask. While all this is going on, his aunt Yi Rang searches desperately for her sister who went missing years ago.

Main Character(s): Choi Yeon Woo, Go Yoo Han

Side Character(s):  Jung Joo Haeng, Kim Min Jae, Yoo Yi Rang

Short Appereance: Yeon Woo’s mother & father, the school nurse

Main Couple(s): YeonWooxYooHan

Side Couple(s): /

My review:

I went into this show trying to keep my expectations low - well as low as I can keep them. This was my third korean BL, before that I watched Where Your Eyes Linger and Mr. Heart and I liked both of them. Oh boy, I wasn’t ready for the rabbit hole I was going down.

I always try to remain a somewhat objective side in my reviews, so that everyone can enjoy it, no matter if they actually liked the show or not. I will try my best to do it with this BL as well, but just know that it’s not easy for me. The last few days were a wild ride and thanks to the pandemic and the semi-lockdown that we have for weeks now, I am in no good place to get emotionally attached to characters or series. But here I am.

In this review there will be a few terms that some may not know or understand and before I have to repeat myself, here a little definition:

Mono: A mono, is a person that isn’t able to see colors, even though they have everything they needed to. Their brain just can’t decipher them for some reason. Only, when they look at the face of a special someone called “probe” they are able to see colors.

Probe: A probe is a person which can see all colors and by looking at their mono, with their whole face uncovered the monos can see colors.

Color Rush: It’s something the mono experiences every time, he looks at his probe. The frist few times are pretty heavy and the mono mostly faints, but at a while the effects wear off.

Decolorating: After some time (e.g. the mono isn’t looking at the face of the probe anymore, they seperate) they begin to lose the ability to see colors again. It depends on different factors (e.g. how many colors rushes did you have, how close are you with your probe, etc.) The more you “get used to” your probe the longer you can see colors.

Anyway, let’s begin.

Yeon Woo and Yoo Han

In the beginning of this story our main character, Yeon Woo, explains his view on this whole mono/probe thing. He himself is a mono and his mother was also a mono. The chance for a mono to meet his probe is extremely rare and most don’t think that they will ever meet their probe at all - and so does Yeon Woo.

The problem with the whole mono/probe thing is that many monos are getting really often obsessed with their probe and the colors that they are able to see. The fear of losing them is driving them insane and therefore some monos kidnap, hurt and kill their probe.

Yeon Woo stance to that: A mono should never meet his probe.

After beating up some guy who made fun of Yeon Woo for being a mono, he has to transfer schools again. On his way there he explains that he can actually see different shades of grey and that his mother teached him the ten differenct shades of the grey color palette.

Introduction of orange hoddie guy. He slept on his desk but now he wakes up (the teacher’s don’t even care to wake him up anymore, love that). And after he introduces himself as Yoo Han, he wants to make very clear (perhaps too clear) that Yeon Woo is “really pretty”.

He even gets up from his chair and follows Yeon Woo across the room, to tell him that again. In case he forgot over the course of a few minutes. But hey, we all need a friend who constantly reminds us that we are enough and beautiful, go Yoo Han!

Anyways, Yeon Woo is minding his own business and stares at a poster and after Yoo Han once again admired Yeon Woo’s beauty, Yoo Han takes of his mask, that he was wearing for some reason (Joo Haeng said that he tried to make it a new trend or smth).

We don’t know why he took it off. If he had trouble breathing, if he wanted to prove to Yeon Woo that he was also stunningly handsome or if he just felt like it.

And that’s when Yeon Woo experiences his first color rush. Overwhelmed by the it he faints. And for some reason, Yoo Han seems not scared at all but excited to be part of this adventure. And after taking Yeon Woo to the school nurse, he says something along the lines of: Oh his eyes are closed but his eyes are moving, that means that he is experiencing a color rush.

And the nurse, that probably doesn’t get paid enough, repsonds with: Yeah, maybe. I dunno, it’s my first time seeing this. Let me know if he rips out his eyeballs or dies or smth. I gotta go get some stuff. Bye.

Yeon Woo opens his eyes and is amazed by the colors that he is able to see. But loses the ability pretty quickly. And Yoo Han declares - in case Yeon Woo might have missed it - that he is in fact Yeon Woo’s probe.

Of course, Yeon Woo is really sad that he is back to the grey-ish palette of life again, but he stays strong and says that he does not want to do this again. He reminds Yoo Han that being a mono/probe is all fun and games until the mono get’s obsessed. Like, monos have kidnapped and killed their probes and apparently ate their flesh?

But Yoo Han couldn’t be more unbothered by that. And I don’t know if I should be impressed or worried because of that. After Yeon Woo explains his concerns to Yoo Han, the guy’s like: Ah.

Yoo Han is not only immune to fear and common sense, he is also very headstrong and is determent to teach Yeon Woo the colors. The question we all have in mind probably is:

Why is Yoo Han so eager to continue this dangerous relationship?

Well we get a great answer to that from Yoo Han himself: He likes Yeon Woo’s eye moevement while he experiences a color rush, so...yeah.

Great reason, let’s move on.

The next day of school, Yoo Han got a color palette to show Yeon Woo and to teach him the different colors. But since Yeon Woo doesn’t want to do a color rush again he pretents that he isn’t interested. Yeon Woo has enough of Yoo Han constantly being all up his ass with all this color rush thing, so he tries to leave. But Yoo Han tricks him. After Yoo Han recognizes that Yeon Woo isn’t giving in, he takes off his mask. Yeon Woo faints and wakes up in the nursing room.

This time, the nurse isn’t there. it’s probably her break or something. Before Yeon Woo can get really upset about Yoo Han’s trick, he sees the colors palette and all the colors on it. And the desire in him grows. But decolorating happens only a few seconds later.

And there’s where we see the first glance of desperation of Yeon Woo. He demands that Yoo Han takes off his mask, so he can see the colors again, but Yoo Han is a smart business man and so he wants something in return. He’s like: That was the preview, the free trial is over. From no on, you gotta pay.

And since Yeon Woo isn’t giving in, their ways part. And the story ends...if Yoo Han would actually respect boundaries. But he doesn’t so here we go.

Yoo Han tries again to lure Yeon Woo into agreeing to his deal. He shows him with the power of science and prism a rainbow and the nightview.

No matter how hard Yeon Woo tries to stay away from Yoo Han, Yoo Han pulls him back in.

Yoo Han says that this the last time, that he will give Yeon Woo a color rush for free. And Yeon Woo agrees, thinking that this will be his last time before telling Yoo Han that he will end this for good.

As the colors seem to fade away again, the desperation creeps up on Yeon Woo once again. He asks Yoo Han what he wants in return to keep doing this. And as we all know he wants to look at his face.

And to our big surprise, Yeon Woo finally agrees to Yoo Han’s deal. The next day, Yeon Woo regrets what he did, just like someone who drunk too much last night. He considers to avoid Yoo Han, but we all know how that works out.

So, Yoo Han has the great idea to scare Yeon Woo, by jumping in front of him and scream, which results in Yoo Han getting accidentally punched by Yeon Woo. They go the the nursing room and at that point I ask myself how they are doing in school, since they never seem to attend classes.

The nurse is probably still on her break or she just quit, who knows. We get the classic “I’ll treat your wound” scene. The inevitable happens, and after putting a little too much pressure on Yoo Han’s wound, Yoo Han flinches and the mask slides off his face. Another color rush.

Yeon Woo wakes up but can’t remember anything. Yoo Han explains that Yeon Woo cried his eyes out, but didn’t seem concious.

Yeon Woo apparently said that he needed the colors to see the headband (of his mother who disappeared and apparently wore the headband that day).The nurse comes in and seems not too happy about the fact that these two visit her at least once a week.

She says that this was totally normal and one of the phases a mono went through, while adjusting to one’s probe. The color rush would extend and he would not be able to remember afterwards. In that way his subconcious could surface.

And while Yeon Woo’s feelings are still all over the place, Yoo Han has set his priorities straight: So that he get’s used to the color rushes is a good sign, right?

Like, your man is sitting there crying his eyes out and you think about him adjusting to you? Dude, at least pretend that you care about his inner turmoil.

The nurse keeps up a professional facade and adds as polite as she can be: Don’t do it at school for the time being. Which basically translates to: Can you two give me a break for once? I haven’t worked this hard since 1986 and I’m 29.

On their way out, Yoo Han says: I’m happy that you are adjusting to it. Like he just wasn’t right next to Yeon Woo weeping like someone would rip his heart out. That’s when Yoo Han remembers that he has a heart and should use it once in a while and he adds: You scared me a little back there.

Yeah, me too, buddy. Me too.

While Yoo Han tries to have this converstaion, Yeon Woo is caught up in his thoughts. And I mean he has all reason to be upset. He is scared of what will come next. What if he get’s used to his probe and the colors? What comes after that? Obsession...kidnapping?

Because Yeon Woo hasn’t said anything, Yoo Han is scared that he might has forgotten how pretty he is, so Yoo Han has to remind him again. We love a supportive probe. But for real Yoo Han, we got it the first three times, I think he knows by now.

Yoo Han doesn’t think about any of this “obsession”-stuff at all, so he doesn’t get why Yeon Woo isn’t so thrilled about the whole thing. Outside, Yoo Han cuddles Yeon Woo from behind and says that he was actually worried earlier and they have to wait here because it’s raining.

We never get an explanation why that’s a problem. Maybe he forgot his umbrella and doesn’t want to get wet or wait there all on his own? Or Yoo Han hopes that he can show him a real rainbow this time? But wouldn’t it be a little careless to do another color rush shortly after what had happened?

Yeon Woo is again caught up in his thoughts. And we can feel how much he suffers already: [...] But when I felt a moment of happiness, I saw the happiness draining out from my view. Loss. Only having moments of happiness...that leave me all alone in a land of grey...terrifies me.

Long story short, Yeon Woo tries to run away, and after Yoo Han stops him and asks why he did that, he says: Because it just crossed my mind that I want to keep you forever.

HUGE RED FLAG my guy! Yoo Han RUN!

This might have been cute in other shows and all...because we tend to romantacize this “I can’t live without you” and “I never wat to lose you”...but we all know that it isn’t meant in a cute way. He wants to keep him. You know, like you would keep an object. A refrigerator or something like that. Not a human being.

The following day, Yoo Han is not in school and you got me there. I was really thinking that maybe my boy here would finally take a hint and leave. Yeon Woo thinks that it’s because of what he said to him yesterday, which would make sense. But we all know Yoo Han, with his death wish that he probably has and the distance that he keeps from comon sense.

So, of course he isn’t avoiding school, becaue his mono - that told him mulitple times that monos get obsessive and kidnap their probes - just now told him that he wanted to keep him. And it seems that Yoo Han is really wearing rose-colored glasses, because he isn’t able to see the red flags. Or maybe he has his own reasons why he wants to be near him...(yes I’m blatantly forshadowing here).

He later texts Yeon Woo and they make a trip to “have fun with colors”. This is the first time Yeon Woo doesn’t faint, while experiencing a color rush and they goof around and hold hands and are cute together. And Yeon Woo is thinking that he would want to keep these colors and the happy feeling forever, even if that would mean that he would have to hurt Yoo Han...true love right there, people.

Alas, this trip ends and Yeon Woo returns to his tense state, worrying that he might get more and more attached to his probe. He thanks Yoo Han for this trip and wants to go, but Yoo Han isn’t ready to let him go just yet.

So, they both return to Yeon Woo’s house, thinking that the aunt is still on her “business trip”. Shortly before Yeon Woo’s father died, he painted a picture of his mother, but he never got a “real” look at it with all its colors. Yoo Han agrees to help him see the picture with “all its colors”. After a brief breakdown and Yoo Han reassuring him that he is by his side and he will be the key to his colors, the door opens. Turns out the aunt is back! You didn’t see that coming, did you?

Yeon Woo and Yoo Han try their best to keep their mono/probe status a secret. And they are as good in hiding a secret as kids are, when they give you a totally normal drink that they definitely didn’t fill with salt or dirt or something and can’t stop giggling and begging you to take a big sip.

Yeon Woo tries to act normal, even though he sees his aunt in “full color” for the first time. And Yoo Han is over there smililing like: yep, I know exactly what’s going on right now, you can thank me later.

Yeon Woo walks Yoo Han to the bus station. On their way Yeon Woo is happy to let Yoo Han know that he can still see the colors. And Yoo Han gets all excited like: OMG! That means that your feelings for me let you slowly accept it. And Yeon Woo is like: Yeah, no definitely not. Feelings for you??

They arrive at the bus station and Yoo Han has to flex with his kind of impressive knowledge about colors.  After Yoo Han entered the bus, Yeon Woo’s decolerating.

Yeon Woo is again, desperately trying to cling onto the colors and has a minor breakdown. Thinking that without Yoo Han life is empty and lifeless and he’s just feels like an empty shell. And I’m here like...dude the ship is about to sail, get on board and leave as long as you can! You are already obsessed with him, please!

As he returns back to his aunt, she let’s him know that she ain’t stupid and knows that Yoo Han is his probe. Isn’t that obvious? The whole school probably knows already. I mean, look at them.

The aunt got all the brain cells and she’s like: You have to transfer schools and we have to move. Finally an adult being an adult and doing wise and good things. But oh no, it’s too late and Yeon Woo is determent to stay: “I will try my best to handle it. I’m different I’m not like other monos.” I can resist and rise above the urge.”

Huh..my dear, are we just pretending like you weren’t breaking down, because your life felt lifeless without him and you already think about keeping him? And now you are sitting there pretending you are all high and mighty and “different?” while you are obsession over the guy you met like a week ago? Lying to her saying that you can handle it and will rise above the urge, while you had a breakdown just FIVE MINUTES AGO? Mmk...

And the aunt is continuing asking the real questions: Are you not aware of the loss you’ll experience? How can you possibly handle that? And I’m like: YES! Please, help them! Go get him! But alas, my hopes crashed, because Yeon Woo starts to cry and no one can be mad at Yeon Woo when he cries. And so his aunt’s like: K, we stay.

And so these wise words were sadly too late. Yeon Woo is already in too deep. The next time he is in school, Yoo Han is not there. And he switched to full obsession mode. With a concerningly calmy voice he asks his friends: What if I kidnap Yoo Han? Like it was something totally normal to ask.

Joo Haeng tries to make this situation less weird and says: Hah..ha.. I mean, if you would kidnap him he probably would lock the door himself.

His other friend, Min Jae totally looks through this “jokes” and says: Do you really want to become a monster? That’s when Joo Haeng seems to understand that this wasn’t a joke at all. And his expression changes and you could slowly see the realisation:.haha..that’s a weird joke to make..okay..no one’s laughing..wait..you were joking right?

Yeon Woo falls more and more into the dark rabbit whole and buys a bunch off stuff that you would totally need to kidnap someone, but the seller is like: Teenagers these days. Guess, I’m minding my own business. Which I always aprove, but not in this case! Dude you live in a world with monos who go insane and kidnap their probes and you don’t wanna maybe...inform some authorities? Check his ID or call the police? Anything? No?

Espacially with so many cases popping up shouldn’t monos get asigned some therapist or counselor or someone who keeps an eye on them?

While Yeon Woo is researching how to tie a rope, his aunt comes in and asks him, if he is okay. Sweety, I love you, but he is CLEARLY NOT OKAY! She says that she can feel that something’s off. He reminds her off his mother, shortly before she brought home his father. Yeon Woo reassures her that he’s fine and not up to anything. And she just...  leaves.

Yoo Han returns to school because he missed Yeon Woo - probably the way Yeon Woo stares at him. Yoo Han notices the mark on Yeon Woo’s wrist (he tried to tie the rope around his wrist to learn it) and get’s worried. But not about himself, of course. Because why would you?

And Yeon Woo’s like: I wonder how this mark seems to him. Well I’m telling you, if he isn’t running away now, don’t worry too much about Yoo Han, because I think that he really has a death wish. He would probably tie his own rope, if you ask him nicely.

Yeon Woo reminds us that he was right all along. A mono and a probe shouldn’t meet. A mono will only hurt his probe, because he doesn’t want to lose, what the probe can show him.

So, yeah. What’s the lesson here, kids? When someone tells you that they are “not good for you” or “dangerous”, believe them. Because they are.

Despite Yeon Woo’s assumptions, Yoo Han can’t read minds and that’s why he has no clue what’s going on. Instead, he lists the different shades of brown. And oh boy did this show teach me about all the different shades of colors I didn’t know existed.

Yeon Woo is seemingly melting. The two look at a picture that Yeon Woo painted of his mother in grey colors. They talk a little about how Yeon Woo sees the world, when Yoo Han isn’t there.

Despite standing so close to his probe, Yeon Woo decolerates. This catches him totally off guard and he runs away. At home, he rambles on about how he becomes a monster and that this monster is coming for Yoo Han. And that there is only one way to keep Yoo Han safe. And he uses the rope and tries to hang himself.

He wakes up in a hospital. His aunt is with him and tells him that he was out for ten days. She adds, that she knew that something was up and what he was planing. Mmhm, yeah of course. That’s what I always say when I pretend that I saw a plot twist coming. I know your game Yi Rang.

The house is back on the market and no one knows where he is (well besides the two of them ig). We follow him for an unclear amount of time. He takes pills that are supposed to help him.

Even though Yeon Woo is sad that this means goodbye Yoo Han, he accepts it, thinking that this was the only way that things could get back to normal again. What a selfless man. Putting the well being of his love before his own happiness (well it’s also better for his sanity tbh).

And that’s how it all en- Oh, right. Yoo Han is not selfless and he doesn’t care about his own well being. That’s why one night, after Yeon Woo overanalyses his current situation, someone is standing outside of his window. And surprise: It’s Yoo Han.

He climbs through the window with such grace that I thought that this might be a dream. And Yeon Woo probably felt the same, because he says that this can’t be real and that this is probably only another hallucination. But Yoo Han takes off his mask to show him, that he’s real. He is here to rescue him..from the hospital, I guess. After Yeon Woo changed, they both run to a bus station and drive off into happiness aka to the ocean.

They are planning to go to the beach, because Yoo Han wants to show Yeon Woo the real color of the ocean, but they have to stay at a hotel overnight. While Yoo Han has to sleep on the floor, he opens a little bit up about why he is here and what happened.

And what basically happened is: Yeon Woo disappeared and because he didn’t want to lose him, this was the only solution he had in mind.

The next day they both chill at the beach and it’s time for Yoo Han to show off his color-knowledge again. So he lists all the different shades of blue - well the shades he can recall. And Yoo Han says that he memorizes them and the thought of Yeon Woo would make it easier for him to do it. What a man, honestly. Like, I struggle lately with studying and concentrating and seeing him putting up with all that work for, so he can pretend that he is the master of the color-universe for two minutes or less. That’s determination.

Yeon Woo calls his aunt to make sure that she doesn’t die of a heart attack, after her nephew also disappeared and the aunt says that Yoo Han has a really powerful family and that they will press charges against Yeon Woo for kidnapping Yoo Han, if they don’t come back. Yeon Woo is upset that Yoo Han’s parents are pressing charges against something he didn’t do (well I mean he probably did it multiple times in his head).

Yoo Han FINALLY tells him the whole truth. That he is no longer interested in becoming an idol and prefers to study and (more importantly) he tells him the REAL reason why he was so eager to have Yeon Woo around him.

And get ready you guys because this will blow your minds: He isn’t able to recognize faces. Faceblindness. BUT he is ablte to see Yeon Woo’s face. Which was the reason that he was so drawn to him. Everytime they would seperate, he wouldn’t be able to remember it. Only, when he saw him in front of him (espacially when he experienced a color rush) he was able to see it.

Just imagine how lucky they are? I mean, just imagine you can’t see faces and one day you can. But only one face and this one face belongs to Yeon Woo who is just gorgeous and has a beautiful and kind soul. It could’ve been any face that he was able to see. Same goes for Yeon Woo. His probe could’ve been anyone. To be this lucky just once in life..

Yeon Woo still worries that he might get even more obsessed over time and that he might harm Yoo Han one day. But Yoo Han is like: Dude, don’t you realize how super special we are? I can only see your face and you can only see colors with my face. I don’t care. I can see your face. You can see colors. We like each other.

And so they kiss and become boyfriends and return home.

A little time jump. Yeon Woo is preparing some food for Yoo Han and talks to his aunt who is not a fan of all of this but she supports him anyways. In school Yoo Han is talking to Min Jae who is giving him the code to the rooftop door of the school, so Yeon Woo and Yoo Han can have a little date. And everything is back to normal. The mother is still missing, Joo Haeng is still treated like the  least favorite child by Yoo Han. And Yeon Woo and Yoo Han still don’t attend classes.

Min Jae and Joo Haeng

Apparently Joo Haeng and Yoo Han are childhood best friends, even though Yoo Han seems to have a different definition of friends than I do. Yeon Woo meets the guys on his first day at school.

They are helping him, when he experiences a color rush. Min Jae is able to speak to his dead grandpa and gets visions form time to time. And the fact that Min Jae was able to predict the death of two students is just quickly talked about.

While Yeon Woo and Yoo Han have their moments we sometimes see Joo Haeng and Min Jae had their little “look at them being all cute and in love together” moments.

The aunt

Most of the time the aunt is away for “business trips” and Yeon Woo explains to us that she is actually looking for her sister. We never find out if she actually finds clues or why she is looking for her on an island.

Yeon Woo has many chances to tell his aunt that he has met his mono, but every time he chooses not to. Eventually she finds it out herself, after looking at Yeon Woo and Yoo Han for five minutes. And I mean, that was relatable.

When she walked in on Yeon Woo doing suspicous stuff, the only thing she says it: Don’t do anything stupid. Because that ever prevented something stupid from happening. Ma´am, if you think that he might be up to something stupid and you feel the need to point out that he shouldn’t do anything stupid why don’t you keep an eye on him???

In the end she is still a little careful about her nephew and the probe, but she accepts them being boyfriends, I guess.

Things I disliked

This show was wild ride. I even considered droping it, because I was not in the right mental state to watch a bad ending. But I made it through and I’m happy that I did. I love this show. But you know me. Nothing’s perfect.

Better built up to the drama. Even though the built up was pretty good, it would’ve been way better, if it did include the side characters more. So that the side characters could actually play an important/active role in this. Like the random nurse who was only there for exposition and only appeared when it was convenient, she could’ve seen Yeon Woo being all obsessed and talk to him or Yoo Han about it. And I mean, Min Jae was able to see visions and knew so much. He could’ve talked to Yoo Han about Yeon Woo “joking” that he would kidnap Yoo Han.

Too much plot for too little time. Most BL Kdramas have about the same length as a movie (circa 80 min.) which seems much, but really isn’t, compared to straigth Kdrama and the fact that it’s a series not a movie. It is espacially not enough, when you look at the heaviness of the plot. If you have a lighthearted and fluffy show, you don’t need to go too much into depth and make a 200 min. drama out of it. But Color Rush deals with so many heavy topics (obsession, suicide, loss). And the series is suffering because of that (so many questions left unanswered).

Like, the obvious one is that the mystery about the mother’s disappearence is never actually a plotline. The aunt runs off looking for her and Yeon Woo is sad because she’s gone but that’s it. I watched this show so many times and the more I watch it, the more questions I have... Did the mother also plan to kidnap the father? But they fell in love and got married before she could go psycho on him? Did she kill him? Is that why the mother disappeared? Did she run away because she just couldn’t live without him after he allegedly died?

And also an important questions: Why the hell, was Yoo Han so styled up in the last two episodes? He arrived with his hair styled and all dressed up like he just finished a photoshooting. Was that what was happening? Was that related to him being an idol trainee? Or was that the teenager in him trying to dress up for Yeon Woo like “well I don’t know if he is actually there but we haven’t seen in two weeks, so I gotta look breathtaking, you never know when you are going to meet the love of your life”. This is one of the questions that keep me up at night. I. Need. Answers.

I am dying to know the answer to these questions, but we have simply not enough information to guess what could’ve happened.

So yeah, they definitely have a time problem, which isn’t that uncommon for Korean BLs. Don’t get me wrong. A short serie can still be good, if it can carry the plot. It shouldn’t be too big or too heavy. But I will always prefer series that have 30+ min. per episode simply because as soon as I am invested in the episode it’s already over. Ten or fifteen minutes aren’t enough most of the time.

The ending seemed rushed, too. So many things were left unresolved. Like, Yeon Woo is still dangerous and even says that he only get’s more obsessed every day. And suddenly the parents and the aunt are totally okay that Yeon Woo and Yoo Han are together and hang out, even though they were so against it a few minutes ago. Something that could’ve been solved over time with more episodes and time.

More scenes that establish the characters and the friendship. In a short series it’s important that every scene drives the plot forward or at least establishes something important. That’s why Where Your Eyes Linger worked so well, the mains already knew each other, so you could immediately start with the plot and you didn’t need to waste time for them to meet and fall in love.

There is no room for filler or anything like that. I wish we would’ve seen more scenes with the whole friend group (all of them present) and more between Yoo Han and Yeon Woo without the color rush. Let them hang out afterwards to let them bond more. Because Yeon Woo says this very poetic thing at the end of the series: Am I obsessed with you becaue you are my probe, or am I obsessed with my probe because it’s you.

And as poetic as this sounds, it throws me off a little, since Yeon Woo and Yoo Han haven’t spent much time together to really get to know each other the answer that Yeon Woo is only obsessed with Yoo Han because of the mono/probe thing seems more believeable. The “am I obsessed with my probe because it’s you” implies that Yoo Han is special and means much to him as a person and that’s why Yeon Woo just HAs to fall for him. But they rarely spent time together that doesn’t focus on the color rush and the mono/probe part.

But then again, maybe it’s a choice to show that Yeon Woo isn’t aware that he and Yoo Han could be more than mono/probe? And that makes Yeon Woo think that he has no chance but to kidnap Yoo Han to be near him. Like, looking back, Yeon Woo never thought about it. His mother and his father (mono and probe) married, but him being in a relationship with Yoo Han still didn’t cross his mind once. He was like: We can’t see each other every day and went straight to well i don’t want to ever lose you so I gotta kidnap you.

Show more struggle. This show deals so much with internal struggle of Yeon Woo who realizes that he slowly get’s obsessed with his probe. And even though I really liked how they showed his struggle internally and externally to some extend, I wish they would’ve done more with that. I want him to have the rope ready in his backpack but not giving in to the to the urge. I want him daydreaming about kidnapping Yoo Han and really having a plan in mind.

No warning. Another thing that sort of bugged me a little was that Yeon Woo didn’t warn Yoo Han after the beginning. Just one scene were he’s like: “Dude, don’t you get it. I can’t be without you. I think about you constantly and the fear of losing the colors- of losing you is driving me insane. You need to keep your distance from now on. I can’t gurantee you that you will be safe with me and I can’t promise that I can actually resist the urge anymore.”

And then you could either seperate them or Yoo Han says smth like: “I know that feeling, I also think about you constantly and I miss you” and this just turns into a big miscomunnication/love confession-thing. Because Yoo Han really understands the feeling, since he is kind of obsessed with Yeon Woo too (because of his faceblindsness and the fact that he can only see Yeon Woo’s face) and Yeon Woo thinks that Yoo Han is not getting it and it’s a love declaration but it’s not - well it is but you get the drill.

Or, as I addressed earlier, Min Jae playing a bigger role and telling his friend that Yeon Woo is slowly going insane and thinks about kidknapping him.

And if all that doesn’t work out for some reason or it’s just...too much effort  make a parallel to the one scene between the talk of Yeon Woo and his aunt at the beginning: The aunt finds the stuff that Yeon Woo baught (or she just connects the dots sooner) and she wants to talk to him. “How can you handle it?” and this time Yeon Woo says “I don’t know what to do. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t.” and they work together to make a plan. And you can still have him go to the hospital and Yoo Han coming to the rescue.

All the time, I keep asking myself, why apparently no one felt the need to inform his aunt or maybe the probe about the situation? “Hey Yoo Han, Yeon Woo was really weird today. Talked about kidnapping you, please be careful.”

Like, I watch so many BL’s and at some point the parents or the ex-girlfriend or SOMEONE is always getting involved and tries to tear the couple apart. And for once, I would be okay with this plot device of the friends being cockblocks or the aunt threatening Yoo Han to stay away from Yeon Woo ESPACIALLY IF IT’S FOR HIS OWN GOOD DAMN SAFETY! But no.

That’s all the friends needed to do. You had one job, guys, one job.

Things I liked

The music. A banger. Listen to it on Spotify almost every day. Korean BLs just have on of the best music.

The chemistry. In a short series (espacially with short episodes) a good chemistry is fundamental so we can bond faster with the characters and the relationships. And in this show where the two leads are getting obsessed over each other, so here it’s espacially important so we can feel their deep desire for each other, if you want to call it that.

Yoo Han seemed a little emotionless and stiff at times, but IIRC he’s supposed to have a hard time with all these emotions, espacially with facial expressions, which makes sense.

The rainbow scene. One of my favorite scenes by far.

the handholding. We all know that it’s about the hands with the gays. It’s all about the hands.

the colors, the hole scene looked so beautiful shot with the dark background and the blue shirt of Yoo Han and the freaking rainbow.

Yeon Woo having fun, which is a rarity in this show.

We get another glimps of how fast Yeon Woo can go from uwu to -.-. The way he smashes Yoo Han against the wall...

The display of the power dynamic and how both of them try to get the upper hand. And looking back this scene shows that Yoo Han tries to contorl his own obsession by luring Yeon Woo into accepting the deal.

The iconic lines: The colors in this world are yours to enjoy...only when I let you see them. Which was an asshole move - but dare I say it - ...kinda savage.

The storyline. Loved it. Great idea. I want more of it. I’m a sucker for soulmates. I know some think that this series was problematic and had bad writing and I respect that, but I have to disagree. Sure, it’s not perfect and definitely not a masterpiece. But it’s good, imo. The forshadowing of Yoo Han and how he from day one was so facinated by Yeon Woo and his face, that nothing could bring him to his senses to freaking run. It was cute, fun and exciting to watch. I wouldn’t mind a second season to wind up some loose ends.

The beautiful editing. I loved the editing in this one! No unecessary slapstick sounds. No unecessary music that would play randomly. Just the color rush that showed you not only what Yeon Woo was seeing, but helped you to get a deeper understanding in what was going on. It was also used to help you relate to his situation more.

The power dynamic. In this show there is a constant power change. In the begining you think that a probe should be the one with power, right? Since they have the power to let their mono see colors and take them away from them. The monos want something from them and that gives them power. Probe > Mono

But you learn that monos get obsessed and can be extremely dangerous and therefore many probes should run from their mono. Giving the power to the monos. Mono > Probe

In this series, it at first seems like Yoo Han (the probe) holds the power since he is constantly trying to be around Yeon Woo and demostrates his power (the rainbow scene). Probe > Mono

But the more episodes you watch, you realize that Yeon Woo gets more and more obsessed, means that he is dangerous. He could hurt Yoo Han any time. So it seems that Yeon Woo was in power all along. Mono > Probe

BUT in the last episode Yoo Han explains that he can only see Yeon Woo’s face and as soon as they seperate he forgets his face. This would further proof that Yeon Woo has the upper hand here. BUT the thing is, they are sort of equals here. Yeon Woo has the “power” to let Yoo Han see his face and taking it away his face from Yoo Han. This means that in some way both hold kind of some power in their relationship making it somewhat equal, which is important. Yeon Woo = Yoo Han

And I think that’s beautiful. A relationship needs to consist of two equals. It can’t be healthy if one is always the one in charge and the other has no say in things.

The Color-Talks. I read a few post complaining that the series was wasting time by talking too much about colors. And I can kinda agree that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but in this show they did it for a reason. They could’ve cut it out, but it was important. The series is called Color Rush (look at the name, read it again, think about it, reread it, take it in and exhale it and now look in the mirror and answer the question: What is this show about?). Take I Told Sunset About You they also talk a lot about the chinese letters and what they mean and how you write them, would you consider that a waste of time? Maybe, but it’s not.

I’m actually glad that they didn’t cut it out. Just imagine one scene like this: “Oh there are many different shades of brown. There is chocolate, caramel, cinnamon [cut] and the last one is chestnut.” It would not only take away the flow but also feel somewhat half-assed and undermine the importance of this for Yeon Woo, who learns about the colors for the fist time. It means the world to him.

Also that they thought about the ten different shades of grey fits perfectly and seems well thought through. It makes perfect sense that people who are only able to see grey, would try to name the different shades.

It’s about the hands.

And this aren’t all of them. Do I have to say more?

That’s all I have to say about this series. Check out my other reviews.

My BL Review List: https://urmyquerencia.tumblr.com/post/627642344497364992/bl-reviews

- urmyquerencia

[esthersroleplayhud]

Walk in Nature

A Story of Seasons story where Female OC and Jennifer go for a morning walk.

Tagging @of-stars-and-pens because they asked me to.

I have a crush. I have a crush on a girl who I really feel like I should have a better grasp on what to do. Jennifer and I really had connected these past few months. I'm still waiting to figure out how to tell her my feelings, so one could only imagine how I felt when she suggested an autumn morning stroll.

I knew I had to have something to impress her. We had arranged for me to pick her up at the Inn where she was staying and I was going to make sure she had a smile on her face when she saw me. Was this greedy and selfish of me? Perhaps. But the Harvest Goddess said she would make me closer to anyone you wanted. And there was only one person on my mind. I said her name without even thinking. It really has been smooth sailing with Jennifer since. Part of me wanted to tell her about this encounter. But Mother Nature Bless. That encounter made me believe in what Jennifer believed. Funny how I was so easily influenced by her, isn't it? It just makes that crush of mine all the more valid, right? I hope so. But I suppose my opinion is the only one I should care about in this situation. Mine and Jennifer's.

I sigh and scratched my head as I looked down at the cooking pot. I was roasting chestnuts for us to share on our walk. She loved them. The chestnut trees were dropping like crazy and I noticed she was always so happy to receive one from me. I put the warm nuts in a fabric sack so they'd cool evenly. I grabbed a bar of chocolate and walked to the Inn.

Ran was wiping down tables. She looked up and gave you a knowing smile, "Those chestnuts smell like you cooked them to perfection, Esther! Jen's just gunna love them." "Thanks," I smiled at Ran, "Is she still up there?"

"Yeah. She's in her room. She's normally ok with visitors, so if you knock, I'm sure she'll be happy for the surprise."

"Thanks, Ran," I nod as I head up stairs. I take a deep breath and knock on the door.

"Come in!" A gentle voice beckons me in. I open the door and Jennifer is brushing her hair with a wooden hair brush. She pulls her hat on and looks at me. I felt a soft blush on my face as I see how soft her eyes were already, "Good morning, Esther. How are the energies of your farm?" "They're spot on. I got eggplants and chili peppers growing in spades right now!" I beam.

"Oh marvelous!" Her voice is moderately high with an airy quality about it that makes it feel like she never quite has a full hold of her breath. Something about it makes me want to listen to her talk more, "Are you ready for our walk?"

"I am," I hand her the bar of chocolate, "For when I bring you back here.

Jennifer took it, "Oh. My stars must be aligned for me to receive a gift this wonderful," She held the bar of chocolate close to her chest before putting it on the night stand.

I held up the bag of roasted chestnuts, "Then your stars must be in perfect alignment, because I made us some roasted chestnuts to snack on while we walk."

I smirk with confidence as her eyes get wide, "Wondiferous!" She gasps, "I do love those."

"I hope you don't mind, but I got a little creative and put some honey and salt on them. They're more candied than what I normally make."

"That will be fine," Jennifer assures me with a smile. I have very little doubt in my mind that this is going to work out.

"What is our route?" I look at Jennifer, "I know that we will go wherever Mother Nature takes us, but I also want to know where we will be starting."

"Let's start at the park and see where our feet take us," Jennifer was still smiling as she looked at me.

"Sounds perfect," I smiled back at her, "Shall we go, then?" I offer my arm, in spite of knowing that I will have to drop my hold on her so she can go down the stairs. Still, she takes it and we leave her room to head outside.

She took my arm again and I can't help but feel smitten. We walk through the park and on towards the mountain. We see Isabelle. Our lake. Our beautiful lake with its angelic name. I smile at the memory. Jennifer looks at me, "What?"

"Just thinking about naming that lake with you," I look back at her.

Jennifer blushed again, "I was thinking about that moment too. We always seem to be on the same page in moments like that, Esther. It's like you really see me."

I couldn't look away from her, "Yeah? I try to see people for who they are. I don't want to not see people for who they are. It's part of what made me leave the city and take on Grandpa's farm, you know? I just felt like there was something here where I would be able to connect with myself better."

I saw a look in Jennifer's eyes that I had never seen before. I didn't know what she was thinking in that moment, but I had a good feeling about it. She spoke at last, "Then Mother Nature really has brought us together, Esther. One day, I hope that I feel comfortable telling you where I came from, but for now, we are just two souls seeing comfort in Nature. I can't imagine anything more perfect than that."

"Yeah," I smile at her, "Neither can I," I pause for a moment, "I know we're close to your tent, but do you want to rest here for a moment? Or do you want to go up the mountain?"

Jennifer looked at her tent, "Let's go to my tent. Perhaps I can make us some tea and we can enjoy the chestnuts you made."

"Sounds perfect," I follow her as she leads me to her tent. The smell of potpourri and incense fills the air. I know from prior conversations with Jennifer that everything down to her perfumes she makes herself, but I am always impressed. It makes me think of the herbalist and witch shops back from the city where I'm from. I always liked how those places smell. I like how Jennifer smells.

While I was day dreaming, Jennifer made us some tea. She was pouring my cup while I was day dreaming. I come back to have her hand me the cup, "Thanks," I say with a smile. I take a sip and melt, "It's perfect," I assure her.

She smiles back at me, "I'm so glad. Because of our walk, I was not able to forage for fresh tea ingredients. I am blessed to have a bounty as large as I did yesterday."

"I think we are all better off for your tea and for your presence, Jennifer," I untie the satchel of chestnuts from my belt and open it, placing the bag between us, "Please. Help yourself. Any leftovers are yours."

She takes one and melts, "The honey is from your farm, correct? I can taste the love and care you put into your work, Esther."

I smile back at her, having a sip of the tea, "I can taste the love and care in your tea as well, Jennifer. Say. Do you just want to hang out here for a while?"

Jennifer looked at me for a moment and blinked a few times, "Yes. Actually. I would enjoy that very much. Thank you."

I leaned back having another sip. This wasn't the walk in nature I had envisioned, but it was the walk they needed. I looked at Jennifer for a moment longer. If only there was a way I could show her how I felt. But words didn't work. I would have to ask the townsfolk about dating here. Even if we were both outsiders, I think Jennifer would appreciate a respect of customs.

I refocused on her. After all. It wasn't every day I had a private breakfast with a crush I had no idea what to do with. And for now, I was just happy to let these emotions be what they were.

[olivieblake]

i watched your video today and then went on twitter and immediately saw a viral tweet of a teenager teling a 23 year old she was prehistoric and to get off instagram and get a job (she was mad that she wouldn’t give up her insta name ahaha) and the comments actually were full of people saying they can’t believe she’d argue with a child lol. i laughed a little cause it was extremely timely but it made me glad you shared these thoughts and hopefully if we all continue doing our thing we can keep pushing forward the idea of what womanhood looks like. something you said though about how we even very recently really weren’t even able do do anything besides marriage and motherhood made me think of a conversation i had with my sister the other day which started as me saying i don’t get when adults make their kids use prefixes when saying my name as a sign of respect (seriously i’m supposed to let them call me a dinosaur and say oh how sweet but if they don’t refer to me as miss thats disrespectful? make it make sense! i’m rambling 😭) anyway so i was saying there are so many titles for woman it’s confusing, men only have to use mr. so it’s hit me now that a woman’s age and martial status was so important that society had to create a way to be able to sort you by those markers. like when i was in grade 2 , so i was 6 turning 7 after a few months my teacher was a ms. and i remember thinking how embarrassing that would be cause it would mean you were old and not married. how horrible of me to think that! no wonder it’s so hard for people to view woman and as more than wives and mothers though like i have no idea where i would have gotten that thought about embarrassment from but clearly this way of valuing ourselves as woman starts so early. so ya thanks for chatting about these things with us 💖 also none of this was what i came here to say i got distracted what i wanted to say was i watched today’s video and your hair looked so beautiful and shiny and was curled so nicely and your star background is a thing of dreams truly just delightful

oh my goddddd that twitter scenario. when my sister turned 23 she said “I’m old now” and I was like that’s objectively absurd and also your brain isn’t even fully developed until you’re 25 and she was like “okay :/” and like, WHY do we do this to ourselves?? a mystery. at 23 I had moved in with mr blake and my extremely catholic mother (who I was terrified would be furious about all the implied pre-marital sex) just said “oh, thank god someone is taking care of you,” because at 23 you are a Mess who is still mostly a Hapless Child and everyone knows this to be fact

anyway

hahaha prefixes oh god, good point. isn’t it horrific to think how early it starts??? it’s amazing how quickly we can teach girls to both feel and impart shame about other women. mildly related, I have this private joke in My Mechanical Romance where a female teacher, ms. voss, is referred to by the teen MC as being “like, forty,” which will not be funny until someone who looks like me plays her in the netflix adaptation (in my head ms. voss is in her late twenties or something). anyway now *I* am rambling but on that note, mr blake asked his middle schoolers to imagine where they’ll be in twenty years and they all submitted pictures of very old people, and he was like okay no in twenty years you’ll be about my age, I am not in a walker and do not have an oxygen tank but thank you guys for your Opinions. I’m totally off topic again but the point is you make a valid point

I know I already said it, but it really has not been very long that women have had the freedoms that they do!! seeing women who are in their thirties and publicly enjoying their hobbies is not something we have a lot of examples for because it was either not an option or we did not have the means to see them do it. I think it matters what we do with that awareness, especially when it comes to observing and self-correcting our biases and noticing how we view other women. it’s okay to notice that we have those biases as long as we self-investigate as to why, and then make sure we don’t unintentionally contribute to a culture or create an atmosphere that makes that kind of stigma okay

also, I actually DID DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH MY HAIR so thank you! my hair has a different texture now and is a lot straighter than it usually is, so I curled it very quickly with a large barrel and brushed it out, and then to avoid flyaways I rubbed a teensy amount of jojoba oil in my palms and smoothed it over my ends. so hooray! I’m glad it looked shiny, a rare day of looking human for me, thank you very much I love you

[sleepy-salami]

Wen Ning for the character ask (I know you like him)

YES AND I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

How I feel about this character: Is it weird that he's literally my favorite character in the MDZS universe? Am I weird? He's not the most interesting or well-written character, but he brings me so much joy and comfort. I think of him daily. Hourly. Am I weird? Maybe I just love the "sheep in wolf's clothing" trope so much. Maybe I gravitate towards non-human characters in any fantasy setting. Maybe I just find him weirdly relatable. Idk. I love him. I physically cannot shut up about him. I have like 8 unpublished drafts and somehow they're all about Wen Ning. I want to talk about him at any given moment. (That’s your official permission to scream anything about him in my inbox, btw.) Am I weird? And my serious thoughts about his personality are pretty much summed up in my other post.

Ok, let me just... hide the rest of it under the cut, because I have a lot to say about him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: NingXian is valid and everyone is sleeping on their ship. (I get why, the drama is more popular than the novel or donghua/manhua, and while CQL!Wen Ning is precious and amazing, he has Zero Sexy Vibes in comparison to his animated version. Who is one of the most attractive characters there, in my humble opinion. Definitely in the top 5. Please check him out.). And I think they have a very nice dynamic, and their story is both romantic and heartbreaking. Except it’s probably going to end very sadly in a world where Lan Wangji exists and is a jealous bitch. I respect WangNingXian though (Wei Wuxian has two hands, indeed), but most of the content I've seen explores their already established relationship? And I feel like WN and LWJ need to... get to know each other first. I think they definitely going to have so much Respect for each other post-canon, and they can develop a close relationship, but I don't see exactly how yet. ChengNing is fine, but it HAS to be enemies-to-lovers for me to enjoy it. Again, they have a lot of stuff that needs sorting out, and I want to see it first.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Wei Wuxian, yes, because their friendship is amazing. TBH their relationship is more meaningful if you view it as platonic and not romantic, even if I like the ship. Their fates are so tied to each other in so many ways, and they complement each other so well. WWX is someone who managed to turn WN’s life upside down in a colorful explosion of words and ideas, someone who pushed him out of his comfort zone, who brought the best out of him - his bravery, and loyalty, and strong sense of justice - and who literally challenged death to bring him back. And won. And WN is one of the few reliable and constant things in WWX’s life, because he’s always there for him. Even when WWX’s family was gone, and his brother publicly cast him out, and Lan Wangji seemed like his enemy, and the whole world turned against him, both in his first and second lives - there wasn’t a time when Wen Ning wasn’t on his side.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really, really like Competent Wen Ning. I often notice other people’s headcanons about him being generally unremarkable in life, a bad/mediocre cultivator, barely wielding a sword, not so skilled as a healer, etc., and... Yeah, fair enough, there is solid evidence to that in canon, but. I like to think that he was at least somewhat good at these things. He was one of the best archers WWX has ever seen. He knew Wen sect sword forms well enough to teach them to Sizhui in the extras - and even WWX had to admit that these were Sizhui’s best moves. He was scolded by Wen Qing for preparing bad medicine, yeah, but c’mon, it’s Wen Qing, the bar is sky high. And she wasn’t in a great mood, either. So Wen Ning might have a lot of hidden talents, actually. AND a crippling performance anxiety. Name a more iconic duo.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I want him to get a hobby. Or a job. Or something. I feel like he should build a nice little house. Maybe start a garden. Maybe become a weird village doctor? He should definitely adopt a stray cat or even several. Cats are going to love him, he can sit still for hours while they sleep on his lap. Idk. I feel like WN leaving WWX to find his own purpose in life was such a big moment for both of them, because yes, Wen Ning’s life has always revolved around someone else. And then he finally stopped following Wei Wuxian around and... started following the juniors, I guess. Which is a decision I 100% support and love. But I also want him to have something just for himself.

(the ask post)

[gffa]

Hi anon again. I used ellipses, didn't know. I'm sorry. I don't remember what I said exactly but in short part (1/2) was me lamenting how I discussed a Star Wars book on reddit and mentioned, among many other things, that it was sexist. I've been insulted by everyone who bothered to comment for two days now and I'm just tired of this hatred, and rudeness, and hatred of prequels, and hatred of Jedi. And I know it's kind of my fault because

because I should have said it in a gentler way because people like this book and I offered them. But to be honest they got to me. I didn't think they would, but they really managed to hurt my feelings. And I know I sound like a teenager and not an older woman that I am, but I am just so tired of all this negativity and people's first reaction to be cruel. I am glad your Tumblr exists. Sorry for dumping all this on you. 2/2) And they just got so personal and insulting... they got to me. I didn't think they would, but they really hurt me. I just want to crawl away and enjoy Star Wars on my own. I am so tired of insults and attacks about a fictional work that should bring us joy. But I also want to share with others and I just keep on coming back for more. I sound like a teenager finding myself, but I'm an old woman, I should know better. Sorry to bother you but your Tumblr feels like a refuge sometimes. - D.L. 

I’m glad you came back (tumblr is strange, if you don’t know about these things--BECAUSE TUMBLR NEVER TELLS US THESE THINGS, WE HAVE TO FIGURE THEM OUT FOR OURSELVES--there’s no need to apologize, we figure these things out as we go!) but I’m very sorry that you’ve been going through this. As someone who’s been hurt by a lot of the shitty things people have leveled at me in this fandom, my advice is based on what helped me, but hopefully it can help you as well.  If it doesn’t, it doesn’t (it may not for everyone!), I still offer you my sympathy and empathy both.  First off, give yourself permission to be hurt and upset for awhile, take that pressure off yourself to just get over it, because piling extra guilt on will only make it longer.  Recognize that you’re human, you’re going to go through these feelings, it’s part of being a regular thinking person and is the first step to being able to let go. Second, after you have some time letting yourself be upset about it, recognize that these are people who are not worth the time and vulnerability from you.  It still burns when they react like this, Star Wars is a hell fandom, but ultimately they’re not the people you really care about their opinions of you. I get that it’s hard for people to hear criticisms of their favorites, literally everyone is like that, especially when we disagree on what constitutes “valid criticism”, what is valid for one person to level at a book isn’t going to be valid for the next person--the trick is in respecting boundaries, that you can’t overwrite the other person’s view of it, just as they can’t overwrite yours.  And resorting to personal attacks and personal derogatory commentary (which happens a lot in this fandom) is a really shitty thing people do that you have to figure out how you want to deal with it--do you want to fire back? do you want to rise above it? do you want to leave?  I ask these honestly, there’s no right or wrong answer, only the one that will work for you.  (It’s a question I ask myself a lot.  Is it fair that people make shitty vague blogs about me?  No, but they’re going to do so anyway, so what’s my response?  What can I handle?  What do I want to handle?  What’s my response, given that I probably cannot change this about fandom.) Maybe you were more aggressive than you had to be, but that’s still not a reason for them to respond with personal insults.  The only thing that’s on you is to decide what amount of this kind of reaction you can/want to handle, not that you’re responsible for other people’s shitty behavior. One of the major ways I dealt with fandom being so overwhelmingly anti-prequels and anti-Jedi is that I set up my camp here on tumblr, I established my boundaries, I enforced them hard (mostly through blocking because I was not up to pushing back for a long time, but occasionally talking about my personal experiences, being as careful as I could not to be pointing fingers at people, but truly speaking of what it meant for me in my position and what I was going through, trying to always recognize that other people are allowed to disagree with me about opinions on fictional things and they must be respected for that, even if I strongly disagree with them, just as the reverse must be true--or at least I must demand it in interactions I have) and it’s worked out really well. Not everyone in this corner is going to agree with everything I say, I disagree with other pro-Jedi fans on some things, but they’ve been really kind and gracious about seeing things differently that even if it’s something I feel very strongly about, I respect that they disagree and I hope I give that back to them at least half as much. That’s generally my advice--seek out the people you know who also find that book sexist and talk about it (while allowing room for people who disagree, because it’ll make you happier in the long run, as well, but that they do so in a civil sort of way) or make your own posts talking about it, simply because you want to talk about it.  When I started writing pro-Jedi posts, I knew I had to do it because I wanted to do it, not because it was going to win me internet points or whatever, I had to be willing to do it in a vacuum (another question I often have to ask myself:  “If this [project] gets crickets/some sort of bad response, would I still have enjoyed the process of doing it?” and it’s helped me a lot to be honest in that answer) or just seek out people who seem like they’re doing the same thing you want to be doing, redirect your efforts into things you enjoy doing in this fandom, because I promise that “I am spitefully going to double down on how I view this thing” can eventually turn into “I love talking about this thing in this vein just because I love it!” if you focus on what you want to do. And also remember that there can be very cool people on reddit (or any other social media place) but there can also be fucking awful people who are going to be fucking awful and it’s normal that it hurts when you get blasted by them and it’s normal that you want to retreat into a refuge for awhile, I fully support that.  Find what makes you happy, whatever that is, and just crank up the “I love this thing so much I’m gonna BARF RAINBOWS about it!” to the max it can go.  It’ll make you feel better after awhile.  (But give yourself the freedom to be hurt, take that burden off yourself, face that part of it, and eventually it gets easier to let go of it, I hope.  *hugs*  I don’t know if any of this was helpful, but at the very least you have my sympathy and my empathy for how shitty fandom can be sometimes.)

[dawniebb]

In which Queen Aanya validates Rayllum

HIII! <3

So, this is kind of a crack fic lmao because...idk i just wanted to have fun, guys agshja it's not that good but it's just an idea that popped up in my head and,if somebody reads this: I hope you liked it <3. Comments are appreciated, btw :3

---------------------------------------------------

Then, they are left alone.

Well, not alone.

They're sitting there, enjoying each other's company while surrounded by the remnants of the battle. Some people injured, the rest just tired or sleeping (Like Rayla, whose eyes are barely open). At least, Callum thinks, they're now under the protection of Queen Zubeia. All of them together, humans and elves, for the first time in a very long time.

With a sigh, he tries to go back to his sketchbook, just as Rayla's horns poke him in the face, very close to his eyes.

"Oh, sh..."

"Hey." Callum laughs. "There are children here."

"Did I hurt you?" She asks, very, very concerned, as she inspects Callum's face as if one of his eyes were now rolling by her feet.

"Rayla, you barely touched me. It's okay. Don't worry. Come on, you're falling asleep. You need to rest. “He smiles, while he takes her hand and places a tender kiss on her palm. “If something happens, I promise I'll wake you up.

But just when she looks convinced enough, through the corner of his eye, Callum can see aunt Amaya signing something at him, with a smile on her face. She's close to them, sitting next to Princess (Queen?) Janai, her new elf friend. And, of course, being the careful individual she is, Rayla follows the direction of his eyes.

"What's she saying?" She asks in a very discrete way. Callum doesn't notice he's blushing until he feels his cheeks burning.

“Oh, it's nothing... She just said that we... Uhm...”

"What?"

"That we make a…quite adorable couple." He laughs, as he signs back at aunt Amaya. "Thank you."

"...Oh." Rayla scratches her nose, as she tries to keep calm, even though Callum doesn’t know for sure why she’s so nervous in the first place. “Well, I guess she likes me now."

"Well.” Callum grabs her hand. "I guess you could say that."

"I'm glad." She smiles. To Callum's eyes, she looks adorable, all tired and barely awake.

"Yeah..." He says. "Me too.”

Suddenly, they're leaned into the other's face, close to their lips, paying little attention to the fact they've never really had an audience before (besides Ez, and that wasn't even on purpose). However, they're interrupted seconds before they can do anything, thanks to the sound of somebody clearing their throat.

When they turn to the side, there's Queen Aanya, standing like a monument even though she's not even a year older than Ez. Shocked, Callum scoots up as fast as he can, and even if Rayla's not really sure of what's happening, she imitates him, but when they try to reverence her, Queen Aanya straightens her back and says, in a very soothing voice:

"Please, do not kneel."

Still, Callum can't help it and ends up bowing at her in a very subtle way. A gesture that goes apparently unnoticed.

“I actually wanted to apologize. It appears that I might have interrupted something. “Queen Aanya folds her hands on her lap.

"Oh, no, no!" Callum says, nervously. “No, we were just...!”

“Nothing special, Your Majesty.” Rayla smiles. “Do you...?”

"Need...Request our help?"

Fortunately, Queen Aanya seems amused, as she laughs politely, covering her mouth with her hand.

“I will try to be as brief as possible, as I assume you need some time with each other to process the events.” She says. “You do happen to be in an established relationship. Am I correct?"

Callum feels Rayla's confusion and he doesn't blame her. Everyone is confused about Queen Aanya at some point, given the fact that, even if she's still a child, she's more mature than a lot of grown-up people. And, well, now she's questioning the nature of their relationship. What a convenient situation.  

"Yes." Rayla finally speaks, staring directly at Callum. “You are correct."

For a moment; a moment so brief it almost goes away in a blink, they can see a spark in Aanya's eyes as she smiles at them with something that reflects a lot of things, one of them being tenderness. Callum feels something warm deep in his heart.

“In that case, I would like to congratulate you first.” Aanya says. " It is... pretty noticeable, and I felt the need to express the feeling of respect I have grown towards both of you, for being able to create a relationship out of such circumstances and such strong cultural barriers. I must admit that I am very impressed."

Callum doesn't realize their heads are leaned against the other until he feels Rayla's skin so close their cheeks are touching.

"We appreciate your words, Your Majesty.” Callum says, as Aanya stares at the two of them more than she focuses on him, who happens to be the one talking to her. "We hope to grow stronger in our relationship.”

"Everyday. Like we have done it until now." Rayla says.

“It warms my heart to hear that.” Aanya says, placing a hand where said heart is located. "That is why, if you do not have somebody to do it, I would like to offer myself to officiate your marriage."

It arrives like a clap in the face, and Callum goes cold, just like Rayla.

Then the room is hot again.

Very hot.

And they both were red. As a cherry, as an apple, and as all the red things that were coming to Callum's head right now.

So, not knowing what to do, they start rambling, like they always do.

"OH!"

“Your Majesty, that's very kind of you but right now... "

"I MEAN, WE DO WANT TO..."

"SOMEDAY BUT... BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE KIND OF..."

"YOUNG."

"YES, YOUNG! VERY, VERY YOUNG!"

"AND DUMB! WE TAKE PRETTY DUMB DECISIONS WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, YOUR MAJESTY! DIDN'T YOU SEE HOW...?"

And then a sound comes out of Aanya's mouth.

When they stare at her, she's laughing. And she keeps doing that until she notices the confusion in their faces.

"Do not worry.” She says. "I was just playing with you."

They just stay there, looking like idiots, with their mouths half-open.

Callum fills his cheeks with air, and then he lets it out in relief.

"...Oh.”

"That was...clever, Your Majesty."

"I know.” Aanya shrugs, completely conscious of how in a matter of seconds she managed to set the world on fire. "I am going to have to retire now, but congratulations again. You have all my best wishes."

Callum bites his lower lip as he watches her leave, and even if for a moment he feels weak, he realizes he does have the guts to ask what suddenly popped into his mind.

"Your Majesty?" He calls her.

Queen Aanya turns around in the very moment she hears her name. She's not annoyed, she's not mad. She's just there, staring and waiting, with a patience made of steel and that, somehow, helps Callum to feel safe.

"This means that... Well... given the fact that we're a human-elf relationship... we...we do have your blessing as one of the human kingdoms, right? "

Aanya stays in silence.

Then, she speaks, getting a little closer.

"Listen, Prince Callum. I want to clarify the type of Queen I am trying to be, and for that, I am going to need you to be aware of the fact that, for these types of issues you will not, ever, need my blessing."

Callum smiles, as a silent "thank you."

"I may be tough as a person, and some people may even say I have a really bad temper sometimes. And I am aware that is a truth, just as the fact of me having really strong opinions is also a truth. I believe there are bad humans in this world, and I believe there are bad elves as well… But above of that, I believe in my mothers’ legacy, and I believe in love. And when I first landed my eyes on you that is exactly what I saw.“  She says "I saw love. And trust. And hope, for you and for all of us, in this divided world we have gotten used to. "

In a very calm way, Aanya takes Rayla’s hand, and then she proceeds to carefully put it into Callum’s.

“…And I might have also seen four fingers that fit perfectly into five, just as if they were made for each other.” She chuckles.

There's that tender expression again, and somehow Callum believes they'll be okay.

Somehow, he manages to be almost sure that their relationship will be accepted and everyone will be willing to see them the way Aanya does. Not a human and an elf, just two living creatures who found each other and fell deeply, madly in love.

“I hope that answered your question, Prince Callum.” Aanya says, as she turns around again, only to stare at them one last time.

"Oh, and...Whenever you feel ready to take that step, in case somebody decides to question your decisions, remember that I am a Queen, and even if my statement was intended to be a joke, I do carry the authority to officiate weddings. I hope will not find yourselves in the need to ask for that kind of help. “She smiles in a way so pure she almost looks like she’s trying to act her age for once.

“An invitation is welcomed, though. I have never been to an elven wedding. It could be a really interesting experience for me and I would really appreciate it.”