#i see a dr in the morning to talk hands so we'll see but

[hoelko]

ok, i have a thought and maybe others have already had this thought but i just had it

Supposedly LBD foresaw her destiny, she saw and claimed without a doubt, that she would achieve her perfection.

we all know she wanted that perfect world where nothing bad happens, etc. And that's what she gets. Nothing.

To me then...her preminition, her destiny came true. She's in this "clean slate" state of being, this nothingness where, feasibly, this is the perfection she desired.

I mean the episode is titled Destiny Fulfilled.

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 17: Alone

Summary: Your pack has left on their first deployment since you joined them, leaving you alone on base.

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 6,866

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, ANGST, anxiety, fear, nightmares, PTSD, trauma, just super depressing overall.

A/N: I'm so ready for these next two chapters, you have no idea. Things are happening, things are gonna happen, it's just...so good. You'll see 🤭. They're pretty heavy chapters emotionally, but don't worry fluff will be coming very soon. I won't leave you hanging too much for too long.

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

“We'll only be gone for a few days. A week at most. Dr. Keller will take you to and from meals and anywhere else you may need to go. If you need anything, contact Kate. We'll call when we can.” 

He leaves you with a kiss to your forehead. You’re forced to stand there and watch his back as he boards the plane, the ramp closing and sealing you off from them. They all looked guilty, as if it was their fault they had to leave, as if they were suffering as much as you at the idea of parting, even just for a short period of time.

You don't sleep that night. You lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling until far too late when you decide to abandon it for John's room instead. You slip under the covers, disrupting the immaculately made bed as you surround yourself with his scent. You’re on edge, the barracks far too quiet, far too empty. Every little sound has you tensing, holding your breath. The door is locked, yet it’s not the same without your pack there to protect you. If you scream, no one will hear you now. 

You manage to fall asleep at some point in the early hours, your mind plagued with horrible nightmares of monsters devouring and tearing you apart. 

You wake with the sun, dragging your feet back to your room. You miss the quiet sounds of your boys getting ready in the morning after their workouts, taking extra care not to be too loud. Now you wish for it. You want them to be loud and wake you, because then they’d be here with you. The hallway feels too empty, the barracks too large. You’ve spent plenty of time alone in the barracks, but it’s never felt like this. They’re not just across base from you, they’re probably in an entirely different country. 

You stare at their closed doors, all four of them feeling like voids knowing the rooms behind them are empty. Even Ghost’s closed door feels particularly empty. 

You shuffle into your room, locking the door behind you as you get ready for the day. You’re not quite sure what you’re going to do, now that you don’t have them around. You suppose you could just go about your day as you usually do while they’re at training, except you won’t have their inevitable return to fetch you for meals to look forward to. 

It’ll be days before you see them again. 

If you see them again. 

You force that thought back into the recesses of your mind. You won’t entertain it, not now while you’re still trying to process the fact that they’re gone. Even if it is a possibility. 

You’re sitting on your bed when the knock comes, clutching your phone in your hand. You don’t want to be without it, in case they call. You don’t want to miss a chance to talk to them, especially if it’s your only chance. Or a call from Kate telling you something happened.

You open the door, Dr. Keller standing in the hallway with a small smile on her face. It doesn’t feel strange having her in this space, even with the rest of your pack gone. She’s been here before, and you trust her. 

“How are you doing?” She asks as you step out of your room, closing the door behind you. 

“I don’t know.” You say, letting out a sigh. “I couldn’t sleep last night.” 

“I don’t blame you. Feels strange, being alone here, huh?” 

You nod. “Yeah. It’s too quiet. Too empty.” 

“I bet.” You follow her out of the barracks and into the cool morning air. “Let’s get some food in you and then you can take it easy for the rest of the day. I know this is a big adjustment, and it happened rather suddenly.” 

“Was gonna happen eventually, though.” You say. “For the three months I was with the CIA, they drilled it into my head that their job would always take priority over everything else. Still sucks.” 

“It does. Separation is hard for everyone in a pack, even if it’s short term. Add on the stress of their jobs and I can only imagine what it’s like.” 

“I’m trying not to think about that.” You say. 

“I think that’s the best thing you can do right now.” She squeezes your arm. “Come on, we’ll get the food to go and we’ll eat in my office. I usually do that anyway. It’s much quieter than the mess.” 

You get your breakfast, following Dr. Keller to the medical center. You are silently glad you won’t have to eat in the mess without the protection of your pack. The stares from the others might have been your tipping point, and without Ghost to scare them off, you’re sure it would have only been worse.  

“Make yourself at home.” Dr. Keller says, letting you into her office. “You can sit at the desk to eat, if that’s more comfortable. I don’t mind.” 

You take her up on the offer, sitting in the chair across from hers at the desk. She moves some papers out of the way before taking a seat herself. It feels almost strange, being so informal in her office, but then again, she’s always been more laid back with the formality between the two of you. 

“If there’s one thing I miss, it’s good diner food.” Dr. Keller says as the two of you begin to eat. 

You stare down at your porridge for a moment, having gotten used to the change in food over the last almost nine weeks. “I miss a lot of things.” 

“Would you ever want to go back and visit America?” Dr. Keller asks. 

You shrug. “I don’t know.” 

“I’m sure they’d take you, if you asked.” She smiles as you stare up at her in surprise. “I don’t think there’s much they wouldn’t do, if you asked. They care about you a lot.” 

“I’m starting to realize that.” You say. 

“Good. It’s reassuring to see such strong, natural bonds forming between all of you, despite how the situation came about. You’ve made a lot of good progress already, even with the few bumps in the road.” 

It falls silent between the two of you as you eat, finishing your breakfast. Your stomach churns with anxiety, hand closing around the phone in your pocket as if it might ring at any moment. It makes you sick, the thought of what they might be doing, what might be happening right at this very moment. 

“Can I ask you something?” You break the silence, needing to take your mind off your swirling thoughts. 

“Of course.” She says, looking up from the papers she’d been looking through. 

“Since I’m your only patient, what do you do all day?” You ask. 

She smiles. “I do a lot of things. After our sessions I log the notes I take and read over them, I make sure your medical chart is up to date, I read through a lot of studies and journals on new research and methods that may be helpful, I talk to colleagues all over the world, including here on base, and I sometimes go around the medical center and sit in on meetings and classes to keep my skills sharp.” 

“Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your skills here?” 

She shakes her head. “No. Before I took this job, I was caring for sometimes over one hundred omegas at various institutes. It was a high stress environment with long hours. While it was fulfilling work, there’s a high turnover rate for Omega Specialists in that field for a reason. Being a private doctor is a bit of a relief after that, and truthfully, the pay is considerably better.” She folds her arms on her desk, leaning forward. “It’s no less fulfilling than working at institutes. It’s nice to have the time to put together the best care plan for you and your needs.” 

“It is nice having an Omega Specialist to myself.” You say. “There were several at the institute, a lot of students doing their residency. They weren’t always...good at their jobs. A lot of them were just going through the motions, doing what the more experienced specialists told them to do.” 

“Unfortunately that’s rather common with residents.” She says. “Most of them don’t make it past residency. Like a lot of specialities in medicine, it takes a certain kind of personality to succeed as an Omega Specialist. Not everyone has it in them. I wish more schools and programs would take notice earlier before they get to their residencies and steer them down a different path.” She smiles at you. “Now my question for you. Would you rather hang out in here today, or would you prefer to go back to the barracks? You won’t hurt my feelings either way, nor will you be a bother.” 

You think about it for a moment. While your knee jerk answer is to go back to the barracks, what are you going to do? Sit alone in the silence and worry until it makes you sick? Sit in the rec room and watch TV alone and worry about your boys until the next meal time? As much as you want to be alone, you also don’t want to be alone. 

“I’d...like to stay here, if that’s okay?” You finally say, making your decision. 

“More than okay.” She smiles. “Make yourself at home, do whatever you’d like. Watch YouTube videos, dig into some books, take a nap. You won’t bother me in the slightest. You’re always welcome to hang out in here.” 

You look over the titles on the bookshelf, picking one that looks interesting before settling on the couch. You spend the day with Dr. Keller, relaxing in her office and going to meals with her. It doesn’t calm the anxious thoughts by much, but at least the loneliness is abated a bit. 

You return to the barracks after dinner, debating whether you should sit in the rec room or just go to your room. The rec room feels too open, too exposed without the safety of your pack, so instead you choose to retreat into your room, locking the door behind you. 

You let out a sigh, your shoulders slumping as tears gather in your eyes. Another night without them, another night without the safety and comfort of their presence around you. Another night knowing they’re not on the other side of the wall, a knock or a yell away. 

You fight the panic starting to bubble as you get ready for bed, your mind swirling with thoughts of something happening, someone breaking in, someone taking advantage of their absence to get to you. You know it’s an irrational fear. Most of the alphas on base ignore your existence, aside from the couple incidents you’ve had with them. The most they do is stare, though that’s to be expected as an omega. 

What if they’re holding back something more sinister, though? What if the only thing stopping them is your pack? This would be their opportune moment. 

You’re shaking, eyes wide in fear as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Sure, you’ve learned a few ways to defend yourself, but could you really utilize them? If the moment called for it, could you defend yourself enough to get away? Where would you go? Dr. Keller won’t be in her office all night. Could you run and seek protection from another medical professional that was still working? Could you find a different high ranking official on base and hope they’d help you? Could you go for the guards at the gate and hope they help you? 

Or would it be safer to run for the woods? Try to lose whichever alpha decided to attack you and hope you don’t get lost in the trees? You would just have to survive the night, and Dr. Keller would notice you missing come morning. What would she do, though? Call Kate? It’s not like the guys could just come home and help you. Would Kate even tell them something happened and put them at risk of getting distracted? What if something happened to them because of you? 

You turn the shower on as cold as it will go, stepping under the spray in your pajamas. You sink to the floor of the shower, letting the cold water snap you out of your panic and prevent you from distressing. No one’s coming through the door, no one’s going to try and hurt you. 

Your teeth are chattering by the time you reach up to turn the water off. Violent shivers rock your body, your hands and feet numb. You take deep breaths, feeling more awake and aware than you have since yesterday. 

The panic has dropped to almost nothing, your shaking now due to the fact you’re freezing. You strip out of your wet clothes, leaving them in the tub as you wrap a towel around yourself. You’re still shivering violently as you change into warmer pajamas, opting for one of John’s shirts and sweatpants. 

You slip under the covers of your bed, piling every blanket you own on top of the covers before tucking yourself against your giant bear. You won’t sleep, but at least you’re not panicking anymore. 

The days begin to blend together without the routine of your pack to keep you steady. Dr. Keller comes to get you at the same time as you expect for your breakfast, and then you spend all day with her, sitting in her office, keeping yourself occupied while you wait for an inevitable phone call. It will either be your pack calling to check on you, or it will be Kate with bad news. 

You’re not sure which is worse. The anticipation of a call from your pack letting you know they’re all alright, or the dread that it will be Kate telling you something happened to them. 

You’re still not sleeping well, the anxiety and the worry you might miss their call meshing with the nightmares that were already plaguing you before they left. You’re exhausted and strung out, the worry beginning to eat you alive. You’re constantly on edge, every little sound close to sending you spiraling. 

Your thoughts have slowly shifted from missing your pack to ruminating about the fact they might not be coming back. It’s a risk you’re well aware of. The kinds of things they do put them at risk, every deployment carries the risk of one, or all of them, dying. One thing goes wrong, one small freak accident and your entire pack could be taken from you. 

You’re not sure you’d survive that. 

Most omegas don’t. 

“Still nothing?” Dr. Keller asks as you sit there, staring at your phone for what must have been an hour at least. 

You shake your head. “Nothing.” 

“Sometimes no news is good news.” She says. “I know you’d prefer to have any news at all, though.” 

“I can’t stop thinking...what if something bad has happened?” You say, fingers trembling from gripping your phone so hard. 

“Kate promised she’d call if something happened, right?”

You nod. “Yeah.” 

“She’s a woman of her word, I can say that much. I’m sure they’re fine. They’re very capable soldiers. They wouldn’t be in Spec Ops if they weren’t, much less on a highly specialized team.” Dr. Keller stands up, moving to the closet. “It’s still hard, not knowing where they are or what they’re doing. I remember when my brother told our parents he was enlisting. Our mother cried for a week straight.” She pulls a pillow and a blanket out of the closet. “I still don’t think she’s completely forgiven him. It’s hard for omegas when someone leaves the pack, even temporarily, especially if you can’t have constant reassurance that they’re alright.” 

Your brows pinch in a frown at her words as she kneels on the floor beside the couch. “Your mom was an omega?” 

She nods. “And dad was a beta. Wound up with two beta children, though I don’t think mom complained much about that. We grew up in a big pack with lots of people around us. I think mom would have been worse off if it had just been her and dad.” She sets the pillow on the couch, gently prying the phone from your fingers. “Come on, lay down.” She directs you. 

You do as she says, laying down on the couch, resting your head on the pillow. She covers you with the blanket, tucking it up around your neck. “Is that why you’re so good at this job?” 

She smiles, setting your phone on the arm of the couch above your head. “Maybe. I think it gave me more empathy for omegas and the struggles you face every day.” She gently squeezes your arm. “They’ll be alright. They’re probably just as worried about you, as you are them. But, you need to get some rest. You don’t have to sleep, just laying with your eyes closed will help.” 

You tilt your head, glancing up at your phone. “What if I fall asleep and it rings?” 

“Then I’ll make sure you get a chance to answer it.” She says, squeezing your arm again. “I promise. Get some rest.” 

You let out a breath, not wanting to risk falling asleep, but you close your eyes anyway. It doesn’t stop the thoughts from coming on, the nightmarish images the anxiety feeds your brain flashing before your eyes. What if they’re lying dead somewhere right now? What if something’s happened to Kate and she can’t tell you? Would you ever find out? Would you ever know? 

Despite the anxiety prickling through your body, the warmth of the blanket begins to lull you into a false sense of security. Perhaps it’s the sheer exhaustion from your lack of sleep over the last couple weeks, paired with the exhaustion from your constant worrying, but you find yourself slipping between sleep and consciousness as you lay there on Dr. Keller’s couch. You don’t mean to, but you can’t help it as you begin to drift off to sleep. 

Screaming. It’s loud, piercing your ears. Something’s holding you, hands clutching at your form desperately. It hurts, nails biting into your skin, fingers gripping too hard, yet you don’t care. 

“You won’t take her from me! I won’t let you!”

You’re crying, sobs wracking your body as you cling just as tightly to the form holding you. 

Hands grab at you, squeezing and pulling, trying to free you from the constricting grip around you, but it won’t let go. You cling to it just as desperately, afraid of what will happen if you let go. 

You know what will happen if you let go. 

“She’s no daughter of mine.” 

The words bite into you, slicing through your skin straight into your very soul, the prickling pain of your own flesh and blood rejecting you making your skin crawl. How could he just let you go like that? How could he turn against you so easily, over something you have no control over? 

Pain erupts across your entire body. Something snaps, your ears ringing from more screams. You’re being pulled away from the safety of the hold around you, your body going cold as the warmth around you disappears. Hands close around you, fingers ripping into you as you're torn from your mother’s hold and into the unknown. 

“Easy, easy.” 

You’re gasping, breathing wheezing as tears choke you. 

“Deep breaths. In and out, nice and slow.” 

Your breath hitches, catching painfully in your chest. 

“You’re alright, you’re safe.” 

You force your eyes open, blinded by tears as something is tucked into your arms. You squeeze the bear against your chest, hiccuping as you fight for control over your emotions. You’re on the couch in Dr. Keller’s office still. You’re not at what was once your home, not stuck in the nightmare you’ve lived over and over. 

Slowly breathing becomes easier, your sobs quieting to sniffles. The tears still spill down your cheeks, dampening the fur of the bear in your arms. 

“You’re alright,” Dr. Keller says, rubbing your back gently. 

You slowly push yourself up to sit, pulling your knees against your chest. You press your palms into your eyes, trying to get the tears to stop. Dr. Keller shifts her position, sitting next to you on the couch. 

“How long have you been having nightmares?” She asks quietly, watching you as you try to calm yourself. 

“Since my heat.” You say, voice rough from crying. You wrap your arms around the bear again, holding onto it tightly. 

“You haven’t said anything about it.” She says gently, shifting slightly so she’s facing you. 

“I didn’t want to.” You say quietly, shame burning through you. She’s not reprimanding you, yet you can’t help but feel like you’ve done something wrong. “I shouldn’t be having them, I mean...it’s not even that bad compared to...compared to what the others have gone through. The kinds of nightmares they have.” 

“It might seem that way to you, but trauma is still trauma. It might not be the worst thing someone else has gone through, but it is the worst thing you’ve been through.” 

Her words give you pause. You’ve never quite thought of it that way. The kinds of things your pack does, the things they’ve seen, the things they’ve done, are far worse than anything you’ve experienced. The things you’ve experienced may pale in comparison, but they’re your experiences. No one else’s. 

“If you want to talk about them, that’s what I’m here for.” Dr. Keller says, leaving things open for you to decide what to do. 

You don’t have to tell her. She won’t force you to do it. She won’t force you to do anything, to say anything you don’t want to. It might be nice, though, to let someone know, someone neutral, someone who won’t tell anyone else. It might be nice to finally put into words the things that are eating you, have been eating you. 

You lay back down, curling up into a tight ball on the couch. You hug the bear close to your chest, letting it ground you. “My nightmares, they’re always about the day I left for the institute.” You start, taking a shaky breath. “I haven’t had them in years.” 

“You were sent early after your presentation, right?” She asks. 

“The day after.” You answer. 

“Being sent to an institute can be traumatic when done within the normal time after presentation. I can’t even imagine what being sent that soon was like.” She lets out a breath. “Sometimes when we go through something traumatic, the brain and body hold onto it, because we don’t feel safe enough to process it in the moment. The brain can hold onto it for years, until we finally feel safe enough. Then the brain can start to try and heal from that trauma without us even realizing it.” 

“You think that’s what’s happening?” You ask. 

“It’s possible. Going through your heat successfully, being claimed, building close bonds with your pack, all could aid in helping you finally feel safe enough to process that trauma. Things usually feel worse as the brain works through the trauma, which could be why you’re having nightmares about that event suddenly.” 

“Is there anything that will make them stop?” You ask. 

“There’s some things we can do together that might help the process. I’m more than happy to help you with it, if that’s what you’d like to do. If you decide to, I think it will be a good idea to set up appointments at least twice a week, at least at first.” 

“What are we gonna tell John?” 

She gives you a look. “Well, I’d advise telling him the truth. I think you should tell your pack about your nightmares. They can at least offer you some comfort and understanding. Of course, that’s entirely up to you and what you want to do.” 

You let out a sigh, getting comfortable on the couch again. Dr. Keller adjusts the blanket over you, squeezing your arm gently. 

“Think about it.” She says. “We can talk about it more after they get back and things have settled back to normal again.” 

You’re brushing your teeth when the call comes. You quickly spit into the sink, not even bothering to rinse your mouth before you’re answering, anxiety twisting your stomach into knots. You hadn’t even checked the screen to see who was calling. You’re just anxious to hear from someone after days of silence. 

“Hello?” 

There’s a beat of silence before the voice on the other side responds, the audio distant and slightly garbled, but you hardly notice. 

“Hi, sweetheart.” 

You fight back a sob, your inhale shaky as relief floods through you. “Alpha.” The title slips through your lips before you can even catch it, your body nearly vibrating at hearing John’s voice after so many days. 

“I’m here. We’re all here.” He says, distant voices sounding in the background. 

A smile tugs at your lips, happy tears blurring your eyes as you collapse on your bed. “Missed you.” 

“I know, we’ve missed you too.” 

You move to your bed, flopping down on the mattress in relief. “You alright? Is everyone alright?” 

“We’re alright. Few bumps and bruises, but nothing we haven’t had before. How are you holding up?” 

The urge to spill the truth to him is strong. You’ve been depressed and worried and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that you haven’t panicked about something. You’ve been having horrible nightmares and haven’t been sleeping. There’s an ache in your chest that won’t go away, and you’re afraid it might kill you if you don’t see them soon. 

“I’m alright. Sad cause I miss you a lot.” 

“I know, sweetheart.” There’s a sound on the other end, something you can’t make out and the line buzzes for a second. For a moment you’re worried you were disconnected, but John’s voice cuts through the noise again. “We’re finishing up here soon, and we’ll be home in a couple of days.” 

You can’t help but sigh in relief at his words. They’re alright. They’re all safe, and they’re going to be home soon. You’re going to get to see them soon, touch them again, smell them again. “Hurry back.” You say, your voice shaky with emotion. 

“We’ll try, sweet girl. We have to get going, but we’ll be back before you know it.” 

Saying goodbye doesn't hurt as much as you expect it to. Maybe it’s the relief from hearing their voices, from knowing they’re really alright paired with the knowledge that they’ll be home soon. Two days doesn’t seem so far now that you know that’s all that stands between you and seeing your pack again. 

You roll over in your bed, pressing your face into the pillows. Nothing smells like them anymore. Not their shirts that they scented before they left, not your pillows or stuffed animals. The couch in the rec room, and even John’s bed have started to smell more like you. 

The first thing you’re going to do when they return is get a big whiff of each of them, even if you have to tackle Ghost to do it. You want to refresh their scents all over everything, roll around in them until they’re the only thing you can smell. 

For the first time in days, you manage to sleep that night. It’s not much, but it’s a deep, nightmare-free sleep, aided by the relief from the constant anxiety that has plagued you. 

You update Dr. Keller the next day on the news of your pack’s imminent return. You elect to spend the afternoon in the barracks instead of her office, the building suddenly not seeming quite so empty now that you know they’re coming home soon. You clean up John’s room, making his bed again after you’d made a mess of it trying to sleep. They’re all going to be tired when they return, and you want to help them in any way that you can. You pick up your room as well, even though you know you likely won’t be spending much time in it for a while. You’re going to latch yourself onto them and not let go until the ache in your chest has disappeared. 

You bristle when the knock sounds at your door. You glance up from where you had been sorting the clothes you’d stolen from the guys from your own so you can get them to scent them again. You’re not expecting a knock yet. It’s too early to be Dr. Keller coming to get you for dinner, and she would have announced herself like she has been, if it was her. 

That means someone else is in the barracks. Someone you don’t know. 

Your mind races as you try to think of who it could be. You don’t know many others on base, and certainly no one that would enter the barracks just like that, unless it’s an emergency. Is there an emergency? You’re almost certain if there was an emergency on base, then there would be alarms going off or something. There’d be some sign that something was happening, but it’s quiet outside, or at least, there’s no noises you’re not expecting. 

The knock comes again, louder and sharper. Whoever is on the other side is obviously not going to just go away. You debate calling Dr. Keller, telling her someone is outside your door, getting her to help you on this, but instead you grab your phone, holding it in your hand as you move towards the door. 

You unlock it, holding your hand on the handle in case the person on the other side tries to force their way in. They don’t, so you open it slowly, just enough that you can see out. There’s a soldier outside your door. A woman. You don’t recognize her, but then again you don’t see many women on the base, and you don’t pay much attention to the other soldiers. 

Maybe you need to start paying more attention. 

She’s a beta, you can tell just by looking at her. She’s wearing scent blockers, keeping her scent from projecting into the barracks to erase the fact she was here. 

She says your name, staring at you with hard set eyes. “General Shepherd is waiting for you.” 

It takes you a moment to process what it is she’s saying. You’ve never met any of the higher ups on base. The person with the most authority you’ve met is John, but you know he’s only a Captain. There’s others above him, but you weren’t any concern of theirs, so you have never bothered to meet them. Even in your time with the CIA, the person with the most authority that you met seemed to be Kate. You hadn’t even been given names of anyone higher up than her. 

Apparently something’s changed. 

Something in the back of your mind begins to tingle. Something isn’t right about this. You should have called Dr. Keller, or even Kate. You shouldn’t have opened the door so recklessly. 

“But, I’m not supposed to-” You begin, unsure of what to do now. 

“It’s a direct order from your superior.” The woman cuts you off, her tone sharp and impatient.

You’re not a soldier. The only superior you have is John and he’s certainly not behind this. 

You wouldn’t dare say that out loud. Not right now. 

“Okay, okay.” You say, stepping back slightly from the door. “Let me just get some shoes on.” 

You close the door, staring down at your phone. You debate calling Dr. Keller or even just sending a text, but you don’t put it past the woman outside to barge in if you don’t hurry. You can feel the panic rising, the thought of someone invading your space so carelessly making the back of your neck tingle. So instead you slip on a pair of shoes, shoes you know you can run in, before you open the door again. 

She’s still standing in the hallway, stiffly at attention. Her gaze pierces into you, making your skin crawl. You close your door behind you, slipping your phone into your pocket. She doesn't say anything as she turns on her heel, walking down the hallway towards the door. You follow behind her, having to walk quickly to keep up with her. You’re reminded of your early days on the base when you would be escorted around by Ghost. 

You’d take those times back over this right now. 

Your palms start to sweat as you leave the barracks, dread starting to fill your stomach as you realize how much of a mistake you’ve made, leaving with this stranger. She could be taking you anywhere to see anyone. You’re not even sure General Shepherd is a real person. 

The thought of being led blindly into a room of alphas like a lamb being led into a den of hungry wolves nearly makes you panic, your steps faltering just slightly as you debate running. You could make it to the medical center quickly from here if you sprint the entire way. Would she chase you if you took off running? Would you get in trouble? Would the guys get in trouble if you did? 

You don’t want anyone to get in trouble. 

Especially not with this being the first time you’ve been on your own. They’ve put a lot of trust in both you and Dr. Keller in their absence. If you get into trouble while they’re gone, that might change things. You could ruin everything you’ve built by misbehaving. 

The woman leads you to a building you haven’t been in before, leading you down a clinical-looking hallway to a door. She pauses in front of it, turning to face you. You stare at her, still on edge. What if this is a test? What if they’re testing you to see if you’d just blindly leave with a stranger while they’re not there to protect you. 

You’ve made a big mistake. 

The woman holds out her hand, and you stare down at it dumbly. “Your phone.” 

You continue to stare at her hand for a moment, trying to swallow the nervous panic rising within you. You don’t have much of a choice now but to obey. Your hands are shaking as you pass your phone over, the woman pocketing it before she opens the door. 

It’s bright inside, the LED bulbs burning your eyes. You’re uncomfortable and uneasy, a dangerous mix for an omega, but the person inside doesn’t seem to care. He stands from his seat, towering over you. He screams alpha before his scent even hits you. You’re thrown back into the memories of your father, the way he carried himself, the way he stood. Back straight like a rod, hands clasped behind his back, face pressed into a stern line. 

He’s in uniform, decorated with more patches and pins than you could put a name to. Army, you think, judging by the color of his jacket. It looks like General Shepherd is a real person after all. 

You try not to flinch as the door clicks closed behind you, sealing you in this room with an unknown alpha. Though it’s only one, you still feel like the helpless lamb standing before a hungry wolf. 

No one will hear you scream. No one will care. 

“My name is General Shepherd.” He says, his voice gruff and laced with authority. “I am the acting commander of Task Force 141.” 

You’re not sure if you should say anything, or even bother introducing yourself. He probably already knows you well, even though you’ve never met him before in your life. 

“I was one of the driving forces behind the omega initiative, and I decided the 141 should be one of the first to participate. I also signed the approval for you to be assigned as their omega, did you know that?” 

You shake your head. “N-No sir, the CIA didn’t give me any names.” 

“Good.” His lips twitch in what you assume was supposed to be a smile. It doesn’t ease your nerves any. “They weren’t supposed to. I’m sure you’ve learned that confidentiality is everything in this line of work.” 

“Yes, sir.” You try not to flinch under his gaze, piercing and probing. The back of your neck is tingling, every single instinct in your body screaming at you to run, to escape, to get somewhere safe. 

“I came here today to ensure your pack was doing as they were instructed. I’m impressed with what I’ve seen so far. You’re getting along well with them?” 

You nod again. “Yes, sir. There were some...bumps along the way, but we all get along fine now.” 

“Good.” He closes the file on the table, taking a step closer to you. You fight the urge to take a step back, not wanting him to invade your space while you’re so vulnerable. “The success of this program is imperative to the future of the military and its functionality. You’re doing important work here with the Task Force.” His hand lifts, slowly pulling the collar of your shirt to the side so he can see your mating mark. 

You fight the urge to lift your hands and wrap them around the back of your neck, the instinctual urge to protect yourself nearly winning out as he stares at your mark. Your heart is pounding in your chest, the fear-driven adrenaline making your fingers tremble. Half a second and he could scruff you, half a second and he could overpower you. 

No one would know. No one would care.  

“I’m satisfied with what I’m seeing so far. Of course, the true measure of success will be their efficiency in their current task.” He steps back away from you, moving back to the table. “How have you been adjusting to them being gone?” 

“It’s been difficult,” You say, breathing for a second to collect yourself. “But I know separation can be a rough adjustment at first.” 

His lips twitch again in a twisted smile. “You’re a smart girl. That’s why I chose you for this position. You’re doing good work. Your efforts will change the course of military history, hopefully for the better.” 

Something about his words don’t sit right with you. 

You’re trembling as you exit the room, led out by the woman that had brought you to the building. Your breaths are heavy as you try to keep a grip on the anxiety threatening to overtake you. Your hand is trembling uncontrollably as she give you your phone back, your knuckles going white as you clutch it to your chest. You’re sweating, the cool air chilling your skin as you step outside. 

You barely remember the walk back to the barracks, numbly following the woman as she leads you back to your safe space. It doesn't feel so safe anymore, now that she’s breached it. She entered without permission, breaking that trust that’s so sacred to packs. 

She doesn't even seem bothered by it. 

She pauses outside the door to the barracks, staring down at you. You fight the urge to race inside and lock yourself in the safety of your room before she can change her mind and enter again, or take you somewhere worse. You stand your ground, meeting her gaze. 

“Thank you for your cooperation.” She says, as monotone as she had been the first time she spoke to you. 

You finally realize what it was that made her seem so off to you as you think over her words. 

She’s American. 

“Thank you for escorting me.” You say politely, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Have a safe trip home.” 

You quickly enter the barracks, speed walking down the hall towards your room. You want to burrow under your covers and hide until the guys return and you can feel safe again. You pause in front of your door, staring down at the handle. The back of your neck is prickling again, anxiety burning hot in your veins. Your hands have begun shaking again, clinging to the phone still pressed against your chest. You fight the urge to hyperventilate as you stare at your door, half of your brain telling you to run and the other half stuck, staring in shock and disbelief. 

Your door is ajar. Open just a crack, just enough to be noticeable by looking at it. 

You always close your door. You always ensure it’s shut every time you leave the barracks, even when the guys are home. You remember shutting it before you followed the woman out of the barracks. You remember distinctly listening to the click of the handle as you pulled it shut behind you in the quiet of the barracks. 

You stare at the gap, the line of the frame visible. It’s open. Your door is open. 

Someone was inside your room. 

NEXT ->

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[bucky-barnes-lover]

Kinktober day 15: Kinks listed below

Fic: Sebastian Stan

Daddy turned Father:

Dad to be!Sebastian Stan x Wife!reader

Warnings: Slight pregnancy kink, Cursing, SMUT 18+, Pregnancy talk, Going to the Doctor's (Does that even count?)

W.C: 1305

I figure this didn't turn out great but I've had a busy week and I'm tired so, if u like it please re blog. Thanks

I'm sick. Really sick. Every Morning for the past 2 weeks I've been waking up with a horrible stomach ache and the need to vomit. I haven't told Sebastian though since he's been away filming for the past couple weeks. But, doing the logical thing I went to the doctor.

"So y/n, I think we'll do an ultrosound just to make sure you don't have a stomach bug or something anymore serious. You did however pass all the blood, heart and senses tests with flying colours so it cannot be anything got to do with your brain." Said the doctor.

"Thank goodness! I love my brain." I replied sarcastically.

"I'm sure most of us do y/n"

Dr. Mayladd led me over to the ultrasound room as she handed me a blue papery hospital gown. Addressing me to remove my shirt and put the gown on instead.

"Gosh that's scratchy" I complained making my way over to the examination chair, leaning back as far as the chair would go.

"You'll only have to wear it for a couple minutes, I'm sure you can handle that"

"Of course doctor" I moaned playfully, causing a small laugh to escape the Dr's perfect red lips.

"I'm going to spread some jelly on your stomach okay, it'll be a little bit cold but it won't be for long okay"

"Sure" I answered, boredom creeping into my voice.

"Oh y/n. You sound like an annoyed teenager, brighten up a bit. You could either get home to your husband knowing you have bowel cancer or are expecting a baby." She told me, sounding a little bit too enthusiastic talking about cancer.

"Yeah, thanks but I'd rather not have either"

"You don't want children?" The Dr asked me, sounding a little less excited.

I let out a loud sigh before explaining to the Dr exactly what I was thinking.

"Yes, I do. I do want children. It's just that Sebastian has been away filming for a good while and we never really discussed when we would want to start a family. So I'm not sure if this is the right time."

Dr. Mayland rubbed some cold blue jelly over my stomach, through the hole that was cut in a circle right over the tummy. Then she connected a couple wires to an ultrasound remote, which kind of took the shape of a jade roller, just thicker and electronic. She started rolling the remote across my stomach spreading the jelly with it.

Eyes focused on the computer machine as the remote scanned my skin. Suddenly a small shape, about the size of a blueberry came into view.

It was undeniably a baby.

"Well, you are pregnant and it looks as if you're about 7 weeks along. Would you like me to print off the photos?"

Said Dr. Mayladd as she continued scanning over my stomach.

"Yes please." I responded, overwhelmed at the fact that I am carrying a child.

"OK. Give me a second to do that."

The Dr. responded, a few seconds later I heard a faint buzzing sound and then she turned around to face me. A roll of what looked like Polaroids in her hand. Putting them in a small box, along with a card before she handed it to me. With a note of congratulations, I left the Dr's office.

The drive home was stressful. The radio was playing 'Starlight' by Taylor Swift. One of my favorite songs, but I couldn't pay attention to it. Crazy thoughts running through my brain. What if Seb doesn't want kids right now, What if the pregnancy goes wrong. What if, what if, was all I could think of right now.

As I arrived home, I almost drove away, seeing my husband's car in the driveway. Shit. How do I tell him?

Leaving all my thoughts in the backseat of the car, I unlocked the front door. Immediately greeted by soft kisses escalating down my neck.

"Hi baby." "How are you?" I asked him as he pecked my lips.

"I'm good. You?" He questioned, pointing towards the doctor's receipt in my hand.

"Oh, Well." I hesitated, struggling to find the words to say to him. Not knowing if I should even tell him right now.

"Well, I'm pregnant."

Sebastian stared at me for a couple seconds, clearly starstruck by the news that he's going to be a father.

"Y/n. Are you serious?"

"Yes. That's why I went to the doctor today. I've been sick almost every morning since you were away, which is ironic now that I think about it. Considering we had a pretty fun night a couple days before you went off for shooting."

"But yeah, I'm 7 weeks along." I uttered anxiously.

"Shit y/n. We're gonna be parents."

Sebastian yelled, happiness clear in his tone and visible in his full smile.

"That is if you want to keep it." He added on, seeing my scared expression.

"Yes, baby, I want to keep it, I'm just scared. We haven't really discussed this much, since you've been away a lot." I expressed.

"Doll, there is nobody else I would rather have children with than you. I love you with all my heart, please acknowledge that." He reasoned.

"Now. We have to celebrate" Sebastian continued.

Picking me up and carrying me up the stairs to our shared bedroom.

Running to the bed, I undress into my bra and panties, my husband doing the same.

"Babydoll, I'm gonna fuck you so good you'll have another baby in you soon enough" He chuckled as he unclipped my bra. Grabbing my breasts in his hands, kneading them as he trailed kisses up and down my neck.

Sweet moans escaped my lips all the while Sebastian sucked on the sensitive skin along my neck. I reached down to his groin and palmed him through his boxers, earning a desperate moan from him. Dropping to his knees, towering over me he grabbed my underwear, tugging as I lifted up my hips letting them slide down. Feeling Sebastian's rough fingers slide along my slit, into my wet hole.

"Damn Mama. You're so wet already. Wonder how well you could take my cock" He muttered, adding a second finger into my entrance. Pumping in and out. My moans grew more desperate as he pumped faster inside of me, rubbing my clit with his thumb. I knew he could feel I was close, because he stopped just as I was on the verge of cumming.

"Ahh. Seb, what was that for" I moaned out, annoyed at his act.

"Not so fast mama. Don't you think I would let you cum that easily without you cumming all over my cock." He growled.

Removing his boxers, he lined himself up with my entrance before thrusting his hips slowly. I groaned, feeling myself stretch as he worked his thick cock through me.

"Oh Seb" I moaned as he thrusted into me harder and harder. Hitting the right spot each and every time.

"Fuck Mama, you're so tight for me." He moaned. Bucking his hips against my own as his thrusts became much, much harder. Digging even deeper into me. Causing me to scream out his name. "Fuck Sebastian!!" I screamed, the pleasure almost too much. I felt Sebastian's fingers trace over my sensitive clit. Rubbing it in a soft circular motion.

My pussy clenched around his cock. So tight and so close. Sebastian's finger grazed my clit one more time, sending me over the edge. A couple moments later, after one last deep thrust, Sebastian came inside me.

"Fuck babydoll. You feel so good" He moaned, still working his cock inside me. I only moaned in response. The pleasure was overwhelming.

If this was what pregnancy would be like, I don't know why I'd be so scared, becoming a mum.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 27

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, allusions to abuse, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: stuff is going on at work (I'm not in trouble) but it's kinda dramatic rn so...

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

Dr. Kemp walks in with a cup of tea and puts it in front of you. He insisted on making it for you and you were too hazy to deny him. You're still reeling from your session with Andy and now you're struggling to reset before your one-on-one. 

He smiles and backs away, slipping your journal from the table where you left it and bringing it to you. You take it as he claims the vacated armchair across from you.

"So," he leans an arm on the chair casually, "I know it's been a long morning. We'll try not to overwhelm ourselves, yes?"

You nod and look down at the journal. You're already there. You feel like folding over and shutting down.

"How are you feeling? Is it a lot?"

You swallow and mouth a 'yes', too weak to get much out. You can feel him watching you. You can't even look back at him.

"Right, I guess... there are some things we need to delve into. For your own good."

"Okay," you croak, resting your journal in your lap.

"Have some tea, get settled," he suggests.

You reach forward, keeping a hand on the notebook as you take the mug. You blow over the steam and inhale the scent. It smells different.

"I brought it with me, I hope you like apple cinnamon," he says.

Finally, your eyes flick up and meet his. He watches you expectantly so you take a dainty sip. You hum, it's tasty.

"Thank you," you say and put the cup back on the table.

"Not at all," he runs his fingers along the armrest, "I have a very sensitive question for you."

Your brows draw together. You stare at his neck. He takes a breath, chest rising and falling.

"How much experience do you have in intimate relationships?" He asks.

The room goes stolid as you blink. He waits as you clutch the book tight, nearly bending the hard cover. Your lip twitches and your lashes flutter.

"I..."

"I know it can be hard, but we need to talk about these things. It's obvious you have some shame associated with that part of your life and self. That's not healthy but we can't treat you if you don't talk about it," he explains, "so, you don't need to tell me everything. That's something else you can put in your journal, okay?"

"Okay," you agree, "I can do that."

"But I still want an answer. There are some things I do need to know," he prompts.

You hang your head. You bite your lip deep as you weigh how to say it. Really, it's simple.

"None," you murmur, staring at your toes, "no one wants me."

He hums thoughtfully, "maybe not before, but you must see now that that's changed. I think it's obvious how Andy feels... isn't it?"

You nod again, a lump in your throat.

"But let's not focus on him, let's talk about you. Just you. Is there anything that you've done... alone?" He leans forward, just a little.

You blanch, breathless as the room tilts. You know what he means. You can't believe it. He's only trying to help, right? He is a doctor after all.

You grab the mug, comforting yourself with the hot porcelain. You part your lips and close your eyes. Just be honest, he's not there to judge you. He might even be able to help you.

"Yes," you utter tightly, "not... much. I... I was scared... so... just a little... touch."

You hear him inhale, "right, good. Thank you for your honesty."

Your eyes snap open, "your welcome."

"Let's go over your homework," he stands and you shrink down just slightly.

You watch him as he slowly crosses the room. He has very nice eyes, you think, and his hair looks soft. There's something about him that is welcoming in that moment.

"Just a second, okay, sweetheart?" He holds up a finger.

You force a half-smile and wait as he leaves the room. He comes back with a small plastic bag. It's black and unmarked. You've never seen a bag like that. 

"May I sit?" He approaches the couch. You wave to the cushion quietly, "so, this is what you're going to work on. If you're going to get more comfortable in your relationship, you have to get more comfortable with yourself." He puts the bag on top of your journal, "you can use that to... explore yourself."

You look down and stare. He laughs again, softly. "Go on and look, it's yours."

You hesitantly touch the seam of the bag. You trace your fingers to the top and lift up the edge. Your eyes widen as you see the small silver shape in plastic packaging. You think you know exactly what it is.

"I can't..." you begin.

"You don't have to use it but you do need to... experiment with yourself. It's healthy." He says, "but if you need it... you have it now."

You move the bag under your journal as if to hide it. You give a noncommittal nod.

"And you can write down how you feel after," he offers, "oh, and... I can give you my email? If you have questions outside our typical sessions. How about that?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a burgundy pen, "can I put it in your journal?"

You bite down and reluctantly put down your mug. You open your notebook to a blank page and hand it to him. He puts down his email and shuts the book, putting it back in your lap.

"You did a really good job," he gently brushes his knuckles down your sleeve, "what happened to that purple sweater? I haven't seen you in it."

You shrug, "Andy liked this better..."

"Well, you shouldn't wear what Andy likes, you should wear what makes you feel nice," he gives a tug on the sleeve and draws away, standing with a groan, "well, I think you've had enough of me. Go enjoy your tea, doctor's order."

You look up at him. You slide forward and take your mug, standing with trepidation as you watch him. He smells like a forest. You like it.

"See you next week, right?"

"Sure, next week," you agree before turning away. You're just happy to get some time alone. You feel like you haven't had much of that lately.

🕊️

"Dove," Andy's timbre undercuts the chirpy tones of your music. You look at the door and lower the pen from your tablet, tapping pause as your dread returns, "Steve's heading out. Why don't you come say goodbye?"

You put your tablet aside and push yourself heavily across the bed. You stand and drag your feet, the handle rattle before you can reach it. Andy opens the door from the other side. 

"Sorry, I was drawing," you murmur. 

"That's fine," he says, "he asked me to come get you."

"Alright," you shrug.

Andy's eyes fall to your new outfit; the one you'd chosen yourself that morning. You see the small twitch at the corner of his lips. You move past him as if to outrun his ire.

You go downstairs and find Dr. Kemp by the door, buttoning up his black wool jacket. He has a scarf around his neck and you recall the redness in his cheeks upon his arrival. You peer out the narrow pane beside the door. 

"Is it very cold out?" You ask.

"Probably even colder now," he smiles with good humour, "I never mind it. Favourite time of year."

"Oh," you bounce on your feet, "Amber always says it's hot chocolate season."

He chuckles, "that's a good way of looking at it. Hot chocolate; I'll have to remember that next time I come."

"Oh, uh, no, you don't have to–"

"I didn't say I have to, but I want to," he assures, "you a marshmallow girl? Or you like whipped cream?"

You can't help a smile of your own, "either."

"Alright, I'll bring both," he promises, "I'm sure Andrew will stick with his dark roast."

Andy growls but doesn't argue.

"Well I see I've overstayed my welcome," Kemp says, "I'll leave you two alone. Oh, Andy," he continues as he checks his watch, "what did you need me to bring for Thanksgiving? You said no to the peach cobbler so I have to learn how to make something else."

"Bring whatever," Andy replies dismissively.

"Oh, now he changes his tune," he scoffs, "what's your favourite?" Kemp looks at you. "For thanksgiving?"

You think and suddenly feel very sad. You remember the little dinners you would have with Amber, just the two of you. She always made you your favourite dish even if it wasn't very traditional.

"Banana pudding," you eke out grimly, "but… it's not very seasonal, I guess."

"But delicious," he says, "you okay?"

"Yeah, I… I'm fine," you fold your hands in front of you, trying not to let your homesickness seep through. "I… I'll see you next time."

"Sure thing," he winks, "Andrew," he nods and shakes the other man's hand, "you take care of her. She's had a long day."

You stand, spaced out, his silhouette blurring as you hear the door open and close. You just want to lay down and not think. You don't even have the energy left to draw.

"Dove," Andy touches your sleeve, "what's going on?"

"Nothing, tired," you lie. 

"Alright," he accepts dully, "maybe you should relax like he said. How about I run you a bath?"

You don't answer. You pass him and head up the stairs. You can't tell him the truth, you know it'll make him mad. You don't want banana pudding, you want Amber's banana pudding.

"Hey, talk to me," he follows you, "a nice bubble bath sounds nice, doesn't it? It'll help take the tension out."

"Fine," you mutter as you get to the top of the stairs and turn down the hall.

"Is that it? No thanks?" He says tersely.

"I'm sorry," you face him just as you get to your door, "thank you, Andy, I really appreciate it."

"Do you? I thought we were making progress."

"We…are," you frown.

"Uh huh, is that why you brought her up?" He challenges. You shake your head. "Amber… you mentioned her and now you're all upset about it."

You push your lip out, "I miss her."

"You're better off here, where you can get better."

"I know but… she's still my sister."

"Right, and how much do you think she cares? She's got a whole house to herself now. And you've got one too," he gestures to the walls, "you have to stop thinking of that place as home, this is your home," he insists, "so go grab some PJs and I'll get the tub going."

You dip your head. You’re just sad, you wish he would realise it’s not his fault. That you’re lost and you always have been. You don’t know who you are or where you belong.

“Thanks,” you whisper and turn to open the bedroom door.

“Grab some of your new pajamas,” he says.

You go inside and open the dresser. You didn’t fail to notice that it found its way back flush to the wall. That must’ve been when Andy took your journal. That thought bites at your sadness, instead sparking your anger. You still can’t understand why he would do that.

You stop as you open the drawer and stare inside. You sift through the neatly folded clothes. A frilly pink nightie, another pair of pajamas with shorts printed with tiny purple hearts, items you would never pick for yourself. You remember what Dr. Kemp said.

You push aside the new sets and pick out the pair of plaid jammie pants and the grey sweatshirt with Snoopy on it. That’s your favourite pair of pajamas. Amber had the shirt with Woodstock. You hug the fabric and use your hip to close the drawer.

You grab the same novel you’ve been trying to finish since you got here and go back into the hallway. You near the bathroom door and peek inside as Andy bends over the tub. You clear your throat and set your things on the counter.

He stands and shakes the water of his hand. You can smell lavender. He faces you and dries his hand on a towel. His eyes drift from you to the clothes on the counter.

“Oh, those are… cute.”

“I like em,” you wring your hands.

“Yeah, but… they’re old. You have all your new stuff.”

“There’s no holes,” you argue, “and it’s getting colder.”

“Sure, sure,” he crosses his arms, his sleeves snug to his biceps.

You keep your eyes to the floor and move to stand against the counter. You glance over at the door, waiting for him to leave. He hesitates, stopping just in front of you.

“Dove, is everything okay?” He asks.

You tilt your head and examine the tiles. Your pulse is erratic. You shouldn’t say it. It’s not a big deal. But Dr. Kemp says you should speak up.

“No,” you clasp your hands tight, “I’m… I’m… annoyed that you took my journal.”

“Oh,” he lets the single syllable hang, “is that it? I apologised.”

“Yeah, but… but you went into my room and you went through my stuff,” you say, your tone wobbly, “and that’s… that’s wrong.”

“Well, dove, your room? This is my house,” he corrects you, “it’s not like I was snooping. I just forgot to ask you to grab it so I did it myself.” He sighs, “you know, I love you but you make such a big deal out of things.”

“It’s a big deal to me,” you sniff, “and… and you didn’t mention Thanksgiving. I didn’t know– I didn’t know we would do that. I… what if I don’t want to?”

“Don’t want to. Sweetie, why wouldn’t you want to? It’s a holiday. Our first,” he puts his hands on his hips.

You’re quiet. You swallow tightly. You take a breath and release it slowly. Your heart flips and you feel the room shift.

“Can I invite Amber?” You ask so abruptly that you have to slap your hand over your mouth. The thought escapes so fast you can’t stop it.

“Amber?” He repeats bitterly. “Why would you wanna do that?”

“Well, Thanksgiving is for family and… and you said, I want to… I want…” you can’t catch your breath, “to— say… s-s-sorry.”

“Calm down, alright? Don’t be so dramatic. Why? Sorry for what?”

“For hurting her. Like I hurt you, right? That’s what you said.”

He looks away and your eyes flick up briefly. His jaw is set and his eyes are fiery. You shy away as he faces you again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he backs up and grabs the door, “take your bath. Get your head straight.”

He storms out and slams the door. You whimper and stare at the painted wood. You’re so stupid. One step forward, a hundred backwards. You just can’t let things be good.

[darkbluekies]

Dr Kry asks #3

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Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3

Warnings: insomnia, medication, drugs, chronic illnesses, broken bones, mentions of overdosing,

☁️ ... this is my last ask for the day i SWEAR. how about dr kry with a sleep deprived darling / a darling who's always sleep deprived. if that doesnt work because of the setting (cause yknow in canon the darling's always napping lol), then how about a darling who has trouble sleeping. OR BOTH if you want to and can make it work. sorry i really wanna request this one cause the only time i can have a good sleep nowadays is when the weekend hits 🥲 i just want a bit of dr kry fluff 😭

He will sit with you for as long as you need, putting your needs before his. He can see that you're struggling to fall asleep. He can see the hollow half moons under your eyes and his heart will break.

"I can't watch this anymore. I'm going to go get you some sleeping pills, okay? And if they won't work I'll go get anaesthesia. Hopefully that'll be able to make you relax."

You'll get your sleeping pills and then rest back against the pillow. Dr Kry will sit with you until morning hours if needed. He'll hold your hand, play with your fingers, hug you if you want one and read for you.

"Are you feeling a little sleepy now, Y/N? Yeah? Are the pills working? Amazing. Just relax and let yourself fall asleep. I'll be here with you until you fall asleep and then I'll meet you in the morning, okay? We'll eat breakfast together, I promise."

Dr kry with s/o who suffers from migraine. Like bright lights aren’t good, eats a lot of pain killers and sleeps a lot bc of it

One of the main things with Dr Kry is that he always forces you to sleep (as seen in his headcanon), but that's because of the poisoned air he puts you in. If the lights we're bothering you as well, he'll turn them down and use small, warm nightlights to keep the room somewhat lit up. He'll try to control your intake of pain killers since he's afraid that you'll take too many, but he'll make sure that you won't be in pain one way or another.

"What? Too bright? Still? But, honey, all of the lights are already off. It's only this little light that's still on ... alright, I'll turn it off. If this continues I might have to develop nightray vision. Why don't you take a nap, Y/N? It'll make you feel better."

How would Dr Kry react to a darling who's very interested in his love life and like to tease him ? Always asking question about his possible partner, what he likes, ect ? Just to say " I don't understand why you're still single, you're so easy to love! Besides you're also very quiet, I know a lot of girls who liked the quiet bo- Wait !! Let me set you up, there's a very nice nurse I think her name is ... Charlotte? You know, the short brunette on the first floor ? She seems very kind or maybe you're gay ?? Well, there's that one dude at the cafeteria, I kinda had a crush on him at the beginning but I thinks he likes men...you could still give it a try if you want 🙂"

He'd let you have a go at it at first, hoping that it'd only be a one time thing ... but you continue to tease him every. single. day. He'll try his best to avoid the subject all together, but in the end would lose it. He'd grab your shoulders and pin you up against the wall in an attempt to make you silent.

"Shut up! Just shut up, alright?! I don't want to hear it!"

He'd noticed that he'd scared you and let your shoulders go. Backing away a step while running a hand through his hair, he'd think on how to save this situation. You'd apologize for making him mad which would only cause him to sigh heavily.

"You're so stupid, Y/N. Why can't you see that I want you? My fingers ache at the need of touching you sometimes and my heart breaks at the thought of you imagining me with someone else! I don't want anyone else. I think I'm going insane! I don't want to hear you talk about other people when you're with me. I just want you to focus on me and me only. Can you do that for me?"

He'd notice how wide your eyes were and how you started pulling your arms closer to your torso. With a hiss, he'd bring you into his arms before you had the chance to run away.

"I love you", he'd whisper.

im going to be sending in two asks bc i am mentally ill. heres the first one: how would dr kry deal with a patient who is chronically ill and frequently needs surgeries? this may or may not be self indulgent because i may or may not have just gotten surgery yesterday on my silly goofy eyeball (im fine)

He'll be right by your side. He'll take care of you and give you everything you need. When you're afraid, he'll kiss your hand and give you a reassuring smile.

"I know you're scared ... I wish I could do something to help you. I wish I could steal you away from here ... but you need these operations to survive. I'm so sorry, Y/N. What can I do to help you? Do you want something to eat? Do you want me to read for you? Yeah? Absolutely, anything for you."

second ask: i literally love dr kry so hear me out 💀 how about dr kry with a patient whos just being a total cranky BRAT to him. acting up, mouthing off, just being a little twerp. (its me. im also a little twerp)

Do you want to die? He controls your body. If you're being a little brat, he'll make sure your air is even more polluted and you 'accidentally' hurt yourself.

"Your arms are broken? Oh dear, how did that happen? Well ... i guess your silly behaviour came to bite you in the butt. Well, now you have to be a little nicer to me if you want me to care for you, okay? I don't want to help an ungrateful brat. Good, let's start over."

What would Dr. Kry do if darling tried to take a lot of pills to overdose and feel independent without him?

You'd be tied to the bed :) and have no privacy :) and never be in control again :)

I just discovered your blog and i'm in love with Dr Kry 😭what would happen if reader was sensitive to loud sounds??

He'd sound proof the room and give you ear plugs. When he's talking to you, he'll use a soft spoken voice and if he gets angry, he'll try his best to keep his composure so he won't yell at you. If there were loud bangings or sounds he can't control, he'll hide with you in the bathroom where the sounds aren't as loud. You'll have your ear plugs and his hands over your ears.

"It's alright, little one, just breathe. The noises will end soon. When they end, we'll go back out into the room and we'll read a little, okay? I'll try to find out who made these awful sounds and make sure they won't do it again."

what if we actually end up living with Dr Kry??

This man would honestly take such good care of you. You'll share a big bed, have many plants and he'd show a more humane side that he can't show in the hospital. He'll smile more, love more, talk more. The constant stress of being in the hospital and having people all around who could take you away from him takes a lot of energy that he wants to project on you.

"I've baked bread! I've wanted to try for a while. How about you come with me downstairs and get a slice with some marmalade? I know your legs are weak, I'll carry you down if you'd like."

i was wondering how would reader and dr krys relationship be if reader was nurse or doctor

He'd make sure you were scheduled together so he can spend his work shifts with you. People in the hospital would think that you're a couple. Exactly as he wants. He'll buy you lunch and stay close to you on break times. If anyone asks him if you're a couple, he'll answer with something that indicates that you are.

"Y/N, do you want to go take a bit of fresh air? You've been working so well these last hours, you're well deserved of a break. Come here, let's go take a few breaths and a bit of coffee before the night shift."

[nonnienonnon00]

Maya and Carina Season 7 potential story line.

For some reason we've never had a scene where Maya has to save Carina. And I just feel that's not ok. We need our wives in a scene like that. Also Stefania needs more screen time. Anyway here's a scene I would love to see tied in with the baby storyline. Anyone know how we can get these potential storylines to the writers lol.

Opening scene

We're at Maya and Carina's apartment. There's shuffling going on in the kitchen. Carina moves around Maya as she tries to ready her wife's coffee for the day. Maya smiles at her wife. Maya has never felt so taken care of before Carina came into her life. She loves every second of it. This nurturing aspect of Carina's personality that will surely fall upon on their kids.

"You know you don't have to make my coffee every morning. I mean, thank you, but you don't have to do it."

Carina pours in the half and half for Maya, turns and cheekily says,

"Bambina, I cannot have you drinking that sad excuse of coffee that you make."

Maya snickers at Carina and grabs her around the waist,

"Ouch! You'd think after all these years you'd be nicer to me."

Carina rests her forearms over Mayas shoulders,

"Well where's the fun in that."

Maya laughs. Her hands slide from her wife's waist to her belly. It had been a few weeks since they did the implantation. Using Andrew's sperm was a worry for Maya but they managed to talk it out thoroughly and came to an understanding. The treatments for Mayas egg retrieval were harsh on her own body but even now knowing that baby DeLuca-Bishop could be potentially developing in Carina, gave Maya all kinds of warm feelings in her body.

"How are you feeling? We're almost at the point of taking a test."

Carina nodded, her eyes glazed over. From all the tests they'd done in the past, this one felt bigger in so many ways.

"I'm nervous. It's a good kind of nervous though if that makes any sense. I'm..."

Her mind felt too full so she just took a deep breath and looked at Maya.

Maya nodded. She knew the pressure must've felt too much but she was going to support her wife no matter what.

"Whatever happens we have each other. We'll have our family one way or another. Trust me."

Maya leaned in, pulling Carina to her body to kiss her with all her might. Her hands moved from Carina's back down further until they grabbed a handful of her wife's ass.

"Hmmm, getting handsy there Bishop."

Maya couldn't help herself,

"OH I'm sorry my hands must've slipped. No idea how they landed there."

Carina laughed and kissed Maya harder, her tongue grazing her lips wanting more. Sadly her phone rang and the moment was cut short. She reached behind Maya to answer, though Maya's hands didn't leave her ass.

"This is Dr DeLuca. Oh hi Stella, yes of course. We're definitely still on for today. I should be there within the hour. Caio."

Carina cut the call and looked at her wife with a sigh,

"I have to go. I'm doing an at home visit for a patient. She's due in a couple weeks."

Maya nodded and then reluctantly let go off her wife's beautiful behind. She rested her hands on her belly one more time,

"OK, maybe when I get back from my shift we can go out get a nice dinner maybe a movie?"

Carina looked down at her wife's hands,

"YES! I'd like that very much. We can make out in the back row of the cinema"

They both laughed then got their bags together to head out for their work day.

They parted with another kiss at the door, walking down to their cars and drove off in different directions.

‐‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cut scene to Station 19 crew answering a call of a major fire at an apartment building.

Andy gathered the crew and sectioned them off.

Maya and Jack both tasked with civilian extraction. They entered the building clearing it out floor by floor.

Jack broke down the door to an apartment that didn't look to be evacuated as yet. Upon entering he saw a pregnant woman on the floor of her lounge passed out. The fire was spreading around her into the other rooms.

"Cap we have a pregnant woman passed out here. We need the aid car bringing her down now."

Jack picked her up whilst Maya tried her best to clear the rest of the floor.

They both got out in time with the pregnant woman. She got placed in the triage section with Montgomery and Warren tending to her, she came too, a moment later coughing.

Warren tried to place an O2 mask on her but she pushed it away,

"Did you get her as well? Please tell me you got her..."

Warren looked concerned,

"Mam we need you to calm down and put this mask on. We have to check on you and your baby."

Maya stood over the pregnant woman trying to help. She was concerned that maybe there could've been someone else in that apartment.

The pregnant woman cried out again,

"You have to go check on her. Please! She went into my bedroom to get blankets but the fire was moving so fast. Something fell on her. I think? I'm not sure. You have to go back for her."

Warren tried to placate the woman he could tell that the stress would not be good for the baby,

"Mam was there someone else in your apartment with you?"

The woman held onto Warren's hand,

"Yes, Dr DeLuca. She came over to give me an at home exam. Oh my God. Please you have to go back for her."

In that moment Maya's heart froze. Her whole body froze. The entire team looked at her. She registered the fear in their eyes.

Maya stuttered out,

"Stella?"

"Yes that's my name. Please you have to go help Dr DeLuca."

Maya's body moved without any thought.

No.

No.

This can't be happening.

Not Carina.

Not her wife.

Not her possibly pregnant wife.

She ran towards the building. No thought on her mind but Carina. The windows on one of the floors blew out. Glass landing everywhere.

Jack grabbed her and tried to hold her back.

"Maya the building is collapsing."

She pushed against him, he pulled her back. With all her might she pushed harder until he fell off balance and landed on the ground.

"That's my wife! If you think I'm not going in you're out of your fucking mind."

She ran back into the building grabbing an axe on the floor as she went.

The entrance to the apartment building catching on fire behind her not allowing anyone else to go in after her.

Maya ran up the emergency stairs floor after floor. Nothing but Carina on her mind. Her beautiful kind loving Carina. Her wife. Her whole heart. She gave Carina her heart a long time ago. She ripped it out of her chest and handed it over without a second thought. The pain was unbearable but Maya knew she needed to concentrate to save her wife.

She entered the apartment. The fire was spreading fast. She looked to the only bedroom in the apartment it's doorway closed off by debris and fire. She grabbed the small fire extinguisher in the kitchen and aimed it at the doorway. Hacking through the debris with the axe she entered the room.

Carina lay on the floor passed out. Fire around her. Maya's heart broke in that moment. She looked so small so fragile.

"Carina. Carina."

She knelt down and turned her wife over. A deep gash across her forehead seeped blood onto her beautiful face.

Maya couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her heart broke. She immediately checked Carina's airways. She was breathing thank God. Maya spoke into her comm on her shoulder.

"Andy I have her. I need an aid car stat!"

Maya removed her jacket and placed it over Carina's body. She would do anything to keep her safe even sacrificing her own body in the flames. She placed her mask over Carina's face, then reached under Carina's legs and back, picking her up bridal style. The memory passed through Maya's mind of that moment when they got back together after months apart. She carried her wife over the threshold in all the chivalry she had in her.

"I've got you. I'm gona get you out of here. You're safe with me."

Maya held her wide tight and began making her way out of the building. All the years of exercise and training came in hand for Maya. It wasn't easy carrying Carina but she pushed through. Burning her forearms as she made her way down the stairs and back out of the lobby of the building.

Maya ran with Carina in her arms towards Warren. She knew only he could check Carina out and make sure she's OK.

"Bishop I got her, I got her. Let me take a look."

Maya didn't want to leave her wife's side. Carina was placed on a gurney and then taken into the aid car. She didn't even think twice before jumping in with Carina and Warren. She didn't care that she was about to leave a scene and would probably get a mouthful from Andy. That was the least of her worries.

Warren hooked Carina's almost lifeless body up to the monitors and passed an IV into her arm. Maya looked on in fear. She reached for Carina's hand and kissed it, tears streaming down her face.

"You're gona be ok. You hear me. I'm gona be make sure. I'll protect you, I promise. Just hold on we're almost there."

Maya looked up,

"Ben why isn't she waking up. She's breathing normally right?"

"She hit her head pretty bad. We need to get her to Grey Sloan. They'll take a look. Maya she's going to wake up and be ok."

Maya nodded but the tears continued down her face,

"She might be pregnant. I don't know. We were planning on taking a test soon. She can't leave me, Ben. I won't survive without her."

Ben looked at Maya with sad eyes and reached over to hold Maya's shoulder.

They pulled up at Grey Sloan. Bailey was standing at the ER entrance. Ben ran it down for her as they looked over Carina's body. Maya attempted to walk in with Bailey,

"You can't come with us Bishop. You have to trust us to take care of her."

Maya wanted to protest but she knew she couldn't.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Cut to Maya pacing the waiting room. Hoping and praying that she receives word about her wife.

Bailey walked in with a smile on her face. Maya instantly let out a breath.

"She's ok. She's awake and responsive. She getting a CT scan that bang on her head wasn't good at all. But from our exam we can see that She's going to be just fine. You'll be able to take your wife home by tomorrow Bishop. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have my number OB here."

Maya breathed out deeply,

"Thank you, Bailey. Thank you so much. Can I see her?"

Bailey nodded and walked with Maya to Carina's room.

Maya entered the room and immediately went to Carina's side.

"Hey, you're awake. Gosh, babe, you really scared me."

Carina leaned into Maya's hand that caressed her cheek.

"You got me out. You saved me. Bambina."

There was a cry in Carina's voice. Maya's throat felt tight,

"Of course I did. I told you, you're safe with me. I'll always protect you. You hear me. Always. I don't know what I would've done if..."

A slight cry left Maya's throat.

An intern walked in with charts and handed it to Bailey,

"OK so your results look good. CT came back. You have a concussion so you're going to stay the night for observation and there will no excuses thats an order. You also have slight smoke inhalation so you're keeping that O2 on you hear me. But other than that it's safe to say that you 3 can be out of here by tomorrow midday."

Maya smiled at Carina and kissed her fingers again, she registered what Bailey said but something didn't make sense,

"Wait. You 3?"

Carina turned to look at Bailey also confused.

"Yes, Bishop. You both and baby DeLuca-Bishop should be good to go tomorrow."

Bailey said it almost like it was something obvious. Maya turned to Carina and they both smiled so big at each other.

In that moment, that very second that the knowledge passed over them was the immediate moment their family had officially started.

[ellie-24]

Sooner or later

Summary: Here we go, another installment of my assistant!reader x elvis verse. This is set after Forbidden Fruit, but it can be read independently. Enjoy❤️

Word count: 3.1 k

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You sat on the sofa, surrounded by newspapers and tabloids, sipping your morning coffee. You waited for Jerry's arrival as the two of you wanted to go through a few details for the upcoming events and concerts. Elvis was still sleeping soundly and probably wouldn't be up until afternoon, as usual. Speaking of Elvis. After much back and forth between the two of you for weeks you had trouble keeping the mutual feelings for each other at bay. You didn't know what to call whatever it was between you two. Was is an affair? Was it a liaison? A deep mutual understanding? The beginning of a relationship? Whatever it was you decided that it was in your best interest to keep it secret from the public, even the Memphis Mafia. After all you still officially worked for him. It was difficult at times but first wanted to figure out what it was between Elvis and you.

With a sigh turned the page of the tabloid in front of you and massaged your temples. You almost couldn't bear to read it. The headlines about Elvis were getting worse and worse lately. Mean spirited articles about his private and family life, his weight gain, him slurring the words and songs on stage, forgetting his lines and appearing to be drugged out everywhere he went. Some even went so far to call him washed up and wrecked. It was truly horrible how they all allowed themselves an opinion about a man they didn't even know. They don't even know what he is going through and they can't imagine the immense pain he is suffering. Yet he still manages to get on stage and perform, like his life depended on it. In a way, it did.

 

You heard a knock on the door. This had to be Jerry. You closed the tabloid, tossed in on the table and got up. You opened the door and saw Jerry standing in front of you, smiling. "Hey Jerry, nice to see you." you said and pulled him into a brief hug. 

"Hey Y/N, how are you?"

"Ah, you know, same old." you shrugged and lead him inside. "What about you?" He simply nodded.

"Come on. Elvis is still asleep we'll sit in the living area." 

"Sounds good." he agreed and followed you. 

When you sat down you both immediately opened your notebooks and gathered the documents and schedules, wrote down important places and dates, phone numbers and contact information of hotels, performance venues and so on. As you were working through the days you realized how exhausting this whole ordeal will be for Elvis. He loved singing and performing for his audience, but under these conditions presented to you right now it was everything but healthy. He wasn't in his best shape right now, mentally and physically, and you felt bile rise up your throat at the thought of the Colonel and Dr. Nick pumping him full with medications to keep him standing. You huffed and rand a hand through your hair. 

"You alright, Y/N?" Jerry asked, noticing your discomfort. 

"Yeah.. It's just... It's a lot. He..." you trailed off with a deep breath and gestured to the wild array of sheets and papers on the table. 

"...I know. He isn't doing great, everyone can see that." he said with an equally worried expression. 

"Just...Look at this." you grabbed the newspaper you had just read off the table and tossed it over to him. 

His eyes shortly skimmed over the front page and he wordlessly looked up to you, taking in the distressed look on your face. 

"I've read a lot of this stuff as well." he muttered after a while. 

"Most of what they're writing isn't even true, or... wildly exaggerated. They don't know what they're talking about." you replied, throwing your arms in the air. "He doesn't feel good, anyone can see that, yet they continue trample on him for no reason. He is stronger than they think he is, I don't think anyone else could manage to to what he does under these circumstances." you finished your rant.

 

Jerry watched you, contemplatively. "...You're good for him, Y/N." he finally voiced.

"What?" you questioned. 

He hesitated. "Well, I mean to be honest, Y/N I didn't know what to think of you when I first met you. We all really didn't." He let out a small laugh and rubbed the back his neck. "...But you grew on us. Especially on Elvis. The last few months were hard..." You nodded nodded.  "...But you're there for him."

You laughed nervously. "...Well.. That's exactly my job isn't it?" you shrugged, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. Does he suspect something? Does he know? You knew that Elvis was terribly bad at keeping secrets.

"You're there for him in more ways than you realize I think. He speaks very often of you, Y/N. Very dearly as well. You've become very important to him. I've known Elvis for a long time and know how quickly he forms attachments, how he needs them. From what I gather when I talk to him is that you're what's keeping him up right now." 

Your tried not to choke on your coffee, feeling utterly caught. Instead you just managed smiled innocently and placed your mug on the table again. 

"Well, I'm doing my best. He needs his friends right now."

You started eating your breakfast, opting for a bit of harmless small talk before returning to more serious matters. After you finished you carefully watched Jerry and almost whispered "Jerry... Elvis... He won't stand this much longer." 

"There's nothing we can do. Elvis is a stubborn man. He won't change his ways. He's done it like this for years. He hasn't got the motivation to change anything." 

"I just wish we could help him somehow." 

"I know Y/N. But it's like you said. We just have to be there for him. That's everything we can do right now."

You looked up to him again. "...Yeah, you're right Jerry."

He put a comforting hand over yours. "Just make sure to take care of yourself as well, Y/N. You understand?"

You laugh and gathered your notes and papers. "Says you! When was the last time you took a break?"

"A what?"

You laughed again and got up with Jerry following you as you lead him outside the door. You briefly hugged each other and you watched him approach the elevator. "See you Y/N! And remember what I told you!" He waved his hand and the door of the elevator closed.

You briefly waved back at him with a "You too!" and went back inside.

Feeling the need to do something before Elvis woke up, you retrieved the newspapers and tabloids from the table before Elvis could see them. You knew it would send him into another spiral, so you quickly discarded them into to trash. Then went to the kitchen area and quickly did the dishes. Just as you were drying the last plate you suddenly felt a presence behind you. You didn't even have the time to turn around when you already felt his strong arms wrap themselves around your middle, his soft stomach firmly pressed against your back. He gently propped his chin on your shoulder and nuzzled his face against your neck, inhaling deeply. 

"Good morning, sweetheart" he drawled, running his strong hands up and down your waist. 

"Good morning to you too, darling. You're up early!" you remarked with a smile. 

"Don't blame me. I woke up all alone... and sad... and cold... I missed my best girl." he pouted and planted a quick kiss to the side of your head. 

"Sorry, but I met with Jerry and I wanted to let you sleep. I heard you tossing and turning and cussing almost until dawn... You missed Jerry by a few minutes actually." you said, placing the dry plate into the cupboard above. 

"Yeah, I heard ya." he murmured and subtly tightened his grip on your waist. "You two get along well, don't you?"

You hesitated, not really sure where he was headed with this. "...Well... we both want the same thing, you know." you shrugged. 

"And what's that?" he whispered into your ear, his hot breath tickling you slightly.

"The best for you." You turned your head and looked into his eyes. There was this swirl of emotions again that you couldn't quite make out. 

"...Hm..." he purred and you felt the rumbling of his chest against your back. "You know what would be the best thing for me now, yittle?" he murmured and placed a finger under your chin.

You raised your eyebrows at him.

He just smirked and leaned in, pressing his lips hard against yours. You let out a surprised squeal and dropped the towel you still had in your hands. He grabbed your chin with a bit more force to keep you still and stepped even closer to you, effectively trapping you between his strong body and the counter. You put a gentle hand against his soft cheek when you felt his warm tongue gliding over your lips, begging entrance. When you opened your mouth for him he moaned and let his fingers sink even further into the flesh of your hip. After a while he pulled away from you, making you mewl at the loss of contact.

His panting, the way his lips were parted, combined with his dark eyes, made you throw your head back onto his shoulder with a shuddering breath. He wasted no time and pushed your hair away from your neck, giving him free access. His lips moved across your pulse point down to your collarbone where he bit down hard, making you almost shout his name. Normally he was always very gentle with you, as if almost afraid to break you. Right now though he was marking you up roughly, surely leaving multiple hickeys all over your neck and shoulders. It was new, but you certainly weren't complaining. 

When he's had enough he placed his hands on your upper arms and quickly turned you around, making you face him. He smirked down at you when you wrapped your arms around his neck, playing with the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. You stood on your toes to meet his lips in a more gentle kiss. With an unexpected urgency he lifted you up and sat you down on the counter behind you. You let him step between your legs and pulled away from his mouth to look at him.

Now it was his turn to whimper as he felt your lips leave his. Your tender gaze was fixed entirely on his flushed face as your fingers rose to play with the strands of hair that fell over his slightly sweaty forehead. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch with a content smile on his now swollen lips. He was so incredibly beautiful, you still couldn't believe that you sat here with him. Your mind briefly went back to the newspaper articles. They were all so very blind. 

"You're so beautiful Elvis." you hummed, a warm smile on your face.

He opened his eyes again and the raw emotion in them almost made you choke. He placed both of his hands on your cheeks, his thumbs caressing your cheekbones. "My beautiful, gorgeous, perfect, lovely, yittle Y/N." he sighed, grinning from ear to ear. You giggled and his smile widened even further, his eyes crinkling. Your laughter was music to his soul. "You're one of the most important people for me right now, you know that right, sweetheart?" his voice now sounded nearly pleading as his eyebrows furrowed a little. "Ya really are, Y/N..." he nodded to himself. He deeply looked into your eyes, as if searching for something. 

"Oh Elvis, dear, you mean so much to me as well. You are so sweet for saying that."

He lovingly smiled down at you and wrapped his arms back around your waist, holding you close to him again. With shuddering breath he slowly leaned down and buried his face against your neck, as if hiding himself from the world. "Ya gotta stay with me." he murmured and closed his eyes. He quietly started humming a tune that sounded kind of familiar, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. 

"...Promise me, yittle."

"I promise."

As you held him, your thoughts went back to Jerry’s words. That you were pretty much what kept Elvis going at the moment. What did he tell him? What were they talking about? You still didn’t know what Elvis really felt for you, but it really seemed to go deeper for him than you originally thought. You worried that you were just a temporarily distraction for him, like most of the girls he acquainted with. You acknowledged that the things between the two of you had developed rather quickly and that he probably wasn’t in the right state of mind for such decisions. Like Jerry said, he was feeling miserable for the past few months anyway. His health, his feelings for Priscilla and Linda that still lingered, the limited time he got to see his only daughter and the betrayal of his manager make him feel lonely, abandoned and vulnerable. 

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize he removed his hand from your waist and searched for your hand. He gently grasped it and intertwined his fingers with yours. He was still humming the tune when he raised your joined hands up next to his head and once again tightened his grip around your waist. Then he started moving his hips, lightly swaying back and forth with you. 

"What are you doing?" you asked after a while with a light chuckle. "Darling, you haven’t even had breakfast, come on."

"No!" he whined, his face still nuzzled into your neck. "I wanna dance with you." he mumbled as he continued to sway. 

You smiled and pushed yourself away from the counter to properly dance with him. 

"You’re not scared I’m gonna step on your feet?"

"Don’t worry about that sweetheart, I’m not wearing my blue suede shoes." he whispered.  

You could feel him smiling against your neck when you laughed at his joke. You resumed to playing with his hair as he pulled you along, dancing in slow circles with you. With your cheek resting on his shoulder you contemplated your own feelings for him. What you felt for him was definitely no longer the silly, starstruck crush you initially had. But it certainly couldn’t be love. You haven’t known each other long enough. Of course there was this romantic sentiment of love at first sight but you weren’t that naive anymore. It wasn’t, it couldn't be that. You had to be careful, it would just over complicate things unnecessarily. Yet, you couldn't stop, nor hide your mind’s and body’s reaction to him. The way he’d look at you, talk to you and touch you made your heart beat faster and your whole focus would shift. 

He leaned back and made you twirl around with one hand over your head. He let out a small whistle as he turned your and pulled you back against his wide chest with a small chuckle. Small gestures and moments like these made your head spin, literally. You laid your head on his shoulder and you danced through the kitchen into the living room. It really felt more like floating than dancing and your cheeks already started to hurt from grinning non stop. His moves became faster and bolder and you could barely keep up with him.

Then he suddenly stopped and after a quick kiss on your hand he made his way over to the record player. He searched through the many vinyls until he found the one he was looking for. He set down the needle and turned to you with a bit of a mischievous grin. He waggled his finger in a come hither motion while the record player was still rustling. Then when you heard the music you finally recognized the tune he was humming the entire time. It was All Shook Up, you finally registered.

You approached him, laughing, and he started swaying his hips again. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from him, his moves were utterly captivating. Despite his failing health, his real talent would never leave him. Truly Elvis the Pelvis. He grinned proudly and came closer. You didn’t really know what to do with yourself and just moved along, though a bit hesitant at first. 

"...Yeah, that’s it, sweetheart. Just let the music guide you." 

"You mean you?" you laughed, becoming a bit more confident. 

"Got a problem with that, sweetheart?"

"Not at all."

Feeling more bold you started swinging your hips as well, matching him. He raised his eyebrows in appreciation and reached out for your hands. He sang along playfully as he turned you inside and out, making you laugh. When the song ended he dramatically dipped you down, and a surprised yelp escaped your throat. You both stared at each other, chests heaving. He furrowed his eyebrows jokingly. 

"What is it, doll? Afraid I won't catch you?" he panted, his glistening face hovering inches above yours. 

"Whew! It was just a bit quick for me I guess." you managed to get out after catching your breath somewhat. He lifted you up again and pointed a teasing finger at you. 

"Hey, none of that, I'm the old man here." 

You laughed and reached out to play with his collar. "...Old man still got them moves though." you whispered and leaned up to kiss him. 

He chuckled into the kiss and lead you to the sofa to sit down for a break. You draped your legs over his lap and he ran his hand up and down your calf. The other gently grasped a strand of your hair, absentmindedly playing with it. You scooted closer laid your head on his shoulder and pressed your lips against the side of his neck. 

"I wish we could just stay like this... Here-" he gestured around "-just you and me, Y/N."

"Yeah, that would be great huh." you answered. "But... sooner or later we have to face reality, darling."

"I'm afraid you're right sweetheart... I'd rather have it be later than sooner though." he murmured as he put his arms around you in an embrace of which you weren't sure if it was meant to soothe you or himself. You both certainly needed it.

.................................................................................

[alj4890]

Mixed Signals

(Dr. Tobias Carrick x F!MC *Chris Valentine) (Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC*Chris Valentine) (Dr. Bryce Lahela x F!MC*Chris Valentine) in an Open Heart Fan fiction.

Masterlist

A/N Sorry for taking so long to post. My health decided to do some wild things since the last post on top of the writer's block just having a field day with this storyline 😑 Anyway, we'll pick up where the last chapter left off.

Chapter 2

Chris slowly came awake. Though she knew in an instant that she wasn't in her own bedroom, the massive hangover she was currently under caused her to not really care where she was. Pulling what had to be some of the softest sheets she'd ever felt up over her face, she began to try and remember what happened the night before.

Flashes of her celebration at Donahue's flickered through her mind. Groaning over not only her actions with drinking way too much, she remembered what happened with Ethan.

Her eyes shot open.

Oh no. Did I go home with Ethan?

Peeking out from under the covers, she tried to discern the furniture around her.

Unless Ethan had done a major renovation since the last time she'd been in his apartment and had moved to a lower floor, she knew she wasn't in his place.

Chris clutched her head.

I know I'm not at Bryce's either. He wouldn't have brought me to his place with Kikei there.

She softly gasped.

Don't tell me I went home with a stranger!

Chris kicked the covers back and breathed easier to see she was still fully dressed. There was no indication that anyone had slept beside her. She did a quick examination of her body and knew she hadn't had sex.

Where am I?

She yanked the covers up when the bedroom door opened.

Tobias grinned at her.

"You're awake."

Chris gaped at him. "I went home with you!?"

He chuckled as he walked into the room.

"You demanded that I bring you to my place."

"Oh lord." Chris buried her head in her hands. Smoothing back her tousled hair, she looked up at him. "I'm so sorry."

He shrugged it off as not a big deal and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"I didn't..." Chris took a deep breath. "I didn't push myself on you, did I?"

Before he could respond, she shook her head.

"Of course I bloody well did. Why else would I be in your home?" She rubbed her hands over her face in an attempt to clear the cobwebs. "You should have given me back to my roommates. Then you wouldn't--"

"Hey!" He chuckled once more. "Easy there, Valentine. Normally, a woman in your condition would not be in my home." He patted her leg. "But, um, you were adamant that your doctor take you to his home."

"My doctor?" Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember the events of the previous night.

He laughed at her confused expression.

"Yeah, Ethan was not too thrilled when you declared I was not only your doctor but also the only doctor you trusted."

Her eyes widened.

What else did I do last night?

"You also told your roommates that you needed me to take you home since you had some medical concerns."

She vaguely remembered talking to Sienna.

"Anyway, I was going to actually take you back to your apartment after your friends left." He explained. "When I checked your wallet for a driver's license--"

"You saw that I still had my I.D. from Inverness." She finished with a groan.

"As much as I wanted to get you safely home, I wasn't quite up for the journey to Scotland." He teased.

Chris flopped back on the pillows with her arm draped over her eyes. This was quite possibly the most embarrassing moment of her life.

She then remembered she should be at work.

"What time is it?!" She sat up too quickly and immediately regretted such a rash action.

"Half past two." Tobias told her.

"Half past--" She scrambled out of bed.

"Whoa!" Tobias stopped her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm late!" She searched in vain for her shoes. "My shift at the hospital started hours ago!"

"Chris." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "I called Ethan this morning and told him you weren't coming in."

"You did what?" Chris gaped at him. "Why?"

"As your physician," he winked at her, "I realized that I never gave you the all clear to return to work. Plus given how many drinks you had last night, I knew you wouldn't be in any condition to help your patients."

"Oh." She sank back down on the bed.

Tobias sat down next to her. He studied her worried profile in silence for a few seconds.

"Hey?" He nudged her with his shoulder. "Why don't you take a shower while I see about lunch?" He nudged her again. "Or breakfast for you?"

Chris snorted back a laugh. "Yes, please feed me after I forced my drunk self into your home."

Tobias grinned at her. "You can force yourself on me anytime."

She burst out laughing then gave him a playful shove.

He got to his feet to open a nearby closet.

"My sisters-in law leave clothes here so they don't have to pack so much when they come for a visit." He explained. "See if there's something of theirs that might do for now."

"I appreciate it," Chris began "but I shouldn't impose on you any--"

"You're not." He went into the guest bathroom to start the shower. "Plus, I insist you stay until I know you're okay."

With a smile that made her heart flip, he left her alone.

Twenty minutes later, Chris found herself clean, dressed in leggings that were too short and in what was supposed to be an oversized sweater, yet just barely went past her waist. She'd finally found a pair of wooly socks to keep her always cold feet warm and began to make her way downstairs, admiring Tobias's townhome along the way.

She paused in the hallway to discern just where her host was.

Tobias called out from a room farther to her left.

"I'm in here, Chris!"

She followed the sound of his voice, pausing at how inviting his kitchen was. Though modern, the warm colors he'd chosen for the walls, decor, and cushions somehow worked. It should have clashed, yet she found herself thinking of her grandparents' home. They had been given all new appliances a couple of years ago. The silver, sleek look met the older bread box, flower towels, and ruffled cushions and soon settled into a hodgepodge that they all ended up loving.

It made her homesick to sit down at Tobias's table.

"Coffee?" He asked from behind the counter.

"Please." Chris rubbed her forehead in an effort to clear the fog she was still slightly under.

"How do you take it?" He poured her a cup.

"Lots of cream and lots of sugar." She mumbled.

"How much is a lot?"

"More than true coffee aficionados can tolerate." She responded.

"This I have to see." Tobias teased.

He brought over the pot of coffee along with cream and sugar.

Chris blushed under his attention as she prepared her cup. Once she was finished, the rich black was replaced with a light beige color.

Tobias chuckled. "I bet you've gotten more speeches on your coffee from Ethan than you have medicine."

"You'd win that bet." Chris took a long sip, sighing in pleasure. "Don't tell me you're a coffee snob too?"

"I'm a to each their own coffee drinker." He teased. "Who am I to judge when I'll drink it any way someone prepares it? Though I will admit, I like mine with a little less cream than you do."

Chris rolled her eyes. "What about the sugar?"

Tobias leaned closer to her. "Who doesn't love something sweet?"

Having him close enough where she could see the flecks of gold in those amazing hazel eyes of his caused Chris to become momentarily tongue-tied.

His cocky smile creeped up at seeing her like this.

His attention next drifted over her face, taking in the strawberries and cream complexion he found rather cute. Her nose had a slight tilt that more than hinted at a stubbornness he'd been witnessed to on previous occasions. Her eyes held such emotion. Those gray eyes of hers could make a man hesitate for fear of wounding her.

How does Ethan keep it professional, he wondered. I don't know what I would do if the positions were reversed and she worked closely with me.

"So?" He cleared his throat and settled back in his chair. "Want to talk about last night?"

Chris's nose wrinkled at the very mention of it.

Tobias eyed her over the rim of his coffee cup. "You don't strike me as the kind of person who regularly gets drunk."

"Because I don't." She took another sip of coffee. "It was stupid of me to drink that much."

"What happened?" He prodded. "One minute, you seemed happy then the next you were downing drinks like you'd seen a ghost or something."

She snorted. If he only knew how right he was. There was nothing worse than a visit from the Ghost of Relationships Past.

Chris tried to avoid his question by focusing on her fork picking at the scrambled eggs on her plate.

Tobias wasn't going to let this go. If Chris really did consider him her doctor then he was going to make sure she was not only physically well after the attack but also emotionally. They were becoming friends after all. Weren't friends supposed to share problems?

He placed his hand on hers, causing the fork to slip from her grasp and clatter onto the plate.

Chris swallowed a tad hard before lifting her eyes back to his.

Tobias searched her steady, vulnerable gaze and gentled his tone.

"What's wrong, Chris?"

Unshed tears began to fill her eyes.

"I--I don't..." she sucked in a deep breath before burying her face in her hands.

Tobias got up and knelt by her chair. He gently brushed back her damp hair. As much as he wanted to demand she talk to him, he knew he could only wait and let it be her decision.

"I'm sorry." She lowered her hands.

"No need to apologize." He tucked her hair behind her ear. "If you don't want to talk about it, we--"

"I don't but I know I should." She took another deep breath. "It's a long story."

"Good thing it's my day off of work." He teased in the hopes of seeing her smile again.

Her lips curved briefly before falling once more. "I guess I should start at the beginning."

Tobias returned to his chair. He remained silent as Chris poured out everything that occurred since she first arrived at Edenbrook. There were many times he wanted to question her and express shock as she told him about her odd relationships with Ethan and Bryce.

Ethan hadn't been able to resist her after all, he thought to himself.

"And then Ethan pulled me away last night and it all began again." She explained. "After he kissed me and wouldn't say what we were, I just needed an escape. Not from him, but I needed to get away from myself."

Tears slipped down her cheeks.

"How can I go on in life in the same, exact, frustrating manner after being given a second chance?" She looked up at Tobias. "I should be making sure that nothing is wasted with this time I've been given, right?"

Tobias slowly nodded. "I think you shouldn't waste your time on anyone who doesn't give you what you deserve."

"Exactly!" Her breath hitched. "If I'm willing to give everything to someone, I should expect he give the same to me."

She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"I know some say you should love without expecting anything in return." Her eyes searched his for understanding. "But I tried that and ended up miserable. I can't be that person again. I won't! It takes so much out of me and gives me nothing but mere crumbs to live on."

Tobias opened his mouth to reassure her again, only to fall silent when she continued.

"But what if I miss out? What if Ethan or Bryce is the one? What if I ruin what could be the relationship that will eventually give me what my heart needs? Am I suppose to fall back into what they want in case--"

"Whoa." He took her hands in his. "Easy there, Valentine. You're going down a rabbit hole of what if's."

"I know." She admitted. "That's all I do. I start off saying I won't put myself through this over and over and yet turn around and doubt my decision. I always end up here, questioning whether or not I should change anything."

Chris propped her chin on her fist while staring out of the kitchen's bay window.

"I am drowning in doubt." She admitted. "I am certain in everything I do in life except for love." She refocused on Tobias. "I don't know how to fix this."

Tobias didn't either. If she was suffering from the attack either physically or mentally, he'd have known exactly what to do. When it came to matters of the heart, he knew he was the last person who should give advice.

"The only thing I can recommend," he began a bit hesitantly, "is to only accept what makes you happy."

He took her hand once more. "As a friend of yours, I don't believe you should settle for anything less than what you want."

"That's what Sienna's been telling me for a while now." Chris mumbled.

"See? How can you ignore the advice coming from two different people?" He prodded.

Chris's lips quirked into a brief smile. "You and Sienna couldn't be any more different."

"It's a sign that it's the right thing to do." He argued. "You should tell Ethan and Bryce."

"Tell them?" Chris murmured. "You mean--"

"Tell them exactly what you want, what you expect, and see if they can step up and be that for you." Tobias told her. "Keeping it to yourself is only making you miserable. Plus, if they honestly don't know what you're wanting, how can they give it to you?"

Chris slowly nodded. She had tried to hint and kinda explain what she wanted each time with Ethan, but she'd never talked to him seriously about it. With Bryce, she kept things light and fun. Perhaps she was more responsible for her unhappiness than she originally thought.

"You know what you need?" He relaxed back in his chair. "You need a night out."

Chris blinked. "Isn't that what I did last night?"

"No, that was a celebration. You need a night out with no expectations, no questionable relationships, and no drunken escapes."

Tobias grinned at her. "You took me to your hangout. It's only fair you visit mine."

She began to laugh. "You sure you trust me to see where you love to go?"

"I guess I do." He murmured, grinning even more. "How bout it, Chris?"

"I really should get some sleep." She argued halfheartedly. "I have work in the morning."

"No, you don't." He reminded her. "Remember, I haven't given you the all clear yet."

Chris rolled her eyes over that.

"We both know I'm fine to go back to work."

"I don't." He laced his fingers behind his head to stretch. "You'll have to schedule an appointment with me for a final checkup." He winked at her. "Nice try, but there's no getting out of tonight."

Chris motioned to herself. "I don't have anything to wear."

"I'll take you by your place to change on the way." Tobias got up to clear their plates. "What do you say?"

Seeing no way out of this and was a little curious over where he went to unwind, she decided to give in. Chris admitted to herself that having a drink somewhere without Ethan or Bryce to distract her might be just the change she needed.

Plus, it might help her get the courage up to talk to them.

"If my doctor insists, -" Chris mumbled.

"I do." Tobias interrupted

"Then, I'd love to."

[carrickbender]

Sunday 7-

I had 2 drs appointments on Friday, one of which was a CT that was supposed to help figure out why I have so much pain in my right testicle(TMI). It saw nothing, so now we get to keep guessing. Boss told me to "take weekend off", but was doing the morning orders/teams call every day between 5-7, trying to fix stuff and do reconciliations. Glad they trust me with this, but wanna give a 'high five' to my imposter syndrome telling me im gonna get fired any day.

- had to take Henry to urgent care on Saturday, and it turns out he has the start of pneumonia. Wanna give a big shout out to the ARNP who told me she really thought he should just 'ride it out' after 10 days of awful coughing and that their kids 'were still in it after a month'. Yeah, the PA said there was no way he wasn't leaving without antibiotics. Made me feel like an asshole parent... he's on day 2, and already more of himself.

- I went back up there today for me, and I have pretty severe bronchitis. He put me on a different antibiotic, more steroids, refilled my inhaler, and actually listened to me. I mean, I appreciated his care and actual concern. Fun situation: while I was there, a tree fell across the powerlines and tripped off most of town, so they had to go to back-up generators. There was a hall full of people, in a brown out, that the staff were managing like pros. Seriously, we are lucky to have that place.

-after today, I have 4 payments left on my car. 4. I think we will wait till June, and then it's 4 door vehicle time. The lunabug is getting taller, and we want to go see my dad/stepmom in Eastern Wa in something that has space. Everybody and their dog has sent me one of those damn, "interested in a new car loan? It's OK to check your rate, and won't hurt your credit" messages and as soon as my credit union chimes in, I'm sure we'll have something to talk about.

- speaking of something to not talk about, I learned a new term and joined a subredit today called 'dead bedrooms', and yeah, checks out completely. I don't have a therapist yet, so it's not a bad sorce of info or me trying to figure out what I have messed up(apparently, yet again).

- so I had to stop at Walmart(yay for small business destruction by a corporate giant!) for meds/a few groceries and this dingus in an f250 with a WA st license plate celebrating wrestling decided he needed to back into a compact space that was in front of me. He almost hit the first car on the way in(who had to stop and back up), but then he literally backed his 'not a farm truck but a penis extension' into the compact space in front of me, and thanks to me backing up knowing he would have been sticking out if I didn't, he took 3 feet of my spot and his hitch was literally 4 inches from hitting my car. In my space. And that entitled piece of shit didn't even look to see how close he was, he just walked away like he was the king of backing up. Look, I have no problem with wrestlers, but the only one who matters in my life is John Irving, and I think he would have been sensitive enough not to be a shit bird like that! (Part 1 of 2 rant)

- I wanted to share a thought or 2 about something I've seen going about on here for a little bit, because I think i need to say avfew things:

I love that I have so many people I follow here who take stances for the poor, marginalized, POC, and other underrepresented communities-not just in a perfunctory way of saying 'I support you'; but quite a few of you are actually involved in helping bring about change and strengthening communities by being unselfish hands that help heal hearts- you inspire me to be a better person, really. As a person of faith, I see you doing the work that many faith leaders of old spoke of when they talked of when they said, "serve as you have been served, and love as you have been loved"- and seeing that faith in action, it has made me read more about liberation theology and revisit the works of the Rt Rev Bishop Desmond Tutu, Dietrich Bonhoffer, and Dr Martin Luther King jr(and of the later, 'Why I oppose the war in Vietnam' is just as relevant now as it was then). I thank you all for this inspiration and work.

But what I have really come to realize about myself is that I am a person of privilege. I am a white CISmale, straight, accessed a good education at a young age, had a huge extended family that helped raise me when my mom had me at 17, have never had to worry about my gender causing me to be looked at differently, have a good job(for now), have access to clean water, don't live in a food desert, and save for the fact that I understood discrimination at a very young age thanks to my last name, I know that I have lived a mostly privileged life.

But there is one privilege I will never take for granted, and that's voting. And yes, I don't always vote my conscience because at heart, I am a democratic Socialist. But I always vote in my local and state house election because it is in places like your local school board or your city council where you can stop the spread of groups like 'Moms for Liberty' or any of the other neo-fascist organizations that seek to change education or change for the worse how cities deal with their population experiencing homelessness. If I stay home from these elections, I feel like I'm spitting on my great grandmother's grave(whose name I found on the voting roll of the first year that women could vote in Basin, Montana). I feel like I'm not being a good parent or a community member for sticking up for my sons right(or other kids rights) to read books in the school library that have a rainbow(let alone letting kids see representation for non-traditional families that are just the same as everybody else!). So please, if you're feeling crappy about the election, this right here is the biggest way to affect change if you don't know where to start or affirm.there is something you can do to really make a difference. Don't see enough representation of POC on your city council, especially in multi-ethnic communities? Hear a trans voice that would make for a great representative for all people? Fill in those boxes, act locally, and get those folks elected! It works if you work it!

I hear a lot of voices talking about Joe Biden these days, and I feel numb and angry about a lot of things that have been done in our names too: I hate HATE what is happening in Gaza(PBUT); I hate our support of Saudi Arabia and the proxy war in Yemen; Our jaunts in Zaire and Jordan; I hate that we are no closer to universal Healthcare, but I understand that that road and others lead through a Republican congress. I love that child poverty is declining, but programmes that were designed to make this a reality are sunsetting. We have a barbaric and truly archaic policy on immigration, and every time(that's not hyperbole, either), every goddamn time a good bill has been proposed to deal with the issue, the bill has been met by the xenophobic forces on the right and their deep pockets fueling the media and it is destroyed out of fear. And let's not forget student debt forgiveness, the continued dismantling of public education by states like Texas and Florida, Our goal of dismantling of the prison industrial complex, the protection of reproductive healthcare, and the dire need for nationwide police reform.

Yes, our laundry list is long, but it is full of necessary things that need to change or be codified in order for a great change to happen for generations and the continuatonof this great experiment called the U.S.A.

And for all of this and more, I ask: where are the leaders of our generation on this? Where are the ghosts of John Lewis, of Paul Wellstone, and of Shirley Chisholm? Thankfully, our leaders and the ghostsbof their forebearers are there- they are doing their best, and thankfully we(those of us on the progressive side) are represented by POC women who will go to the mat for these issues and more, being inspired by those who came before them. But the more that I think about it, it's time that we offer an ultimatum: we'll give you our voting block, Joe. We'll help bring along the majority of the 9 million new voters who are coming of age this year, so you will have a supermajority with which you can put forth truly transformative legislation. Sure, you'll get us- for now. But if it's businesses as usual, if we are not knocking over the tables of the money changers, and if we are not investing more in programmes of social uplift than we are for the military industrial complex, then we strike. Not in 2028, as one of my absolute favourite people on here suggest, but in 2026, in early summer. Because it is people like me, those of us who have know privilege and continue to know it, who are finally waking up to the truth that we need to do the work. We need to do the heavy lifting. I'm willing to make that offer, and I hope I'm not alone, because there either needs to be a change in the way our political system operates, or we walk away and start our own political entity. I hope I'm not alone in the way I feel, and I hope that we can all make the proposition. We have the leaders, we have the people, now it's about courage. It's time.

But for today, if you can pull the lever for democrats nationally, I totally get it. But consider what I said about voting locally, and in local races and elect people who represent your values. It matters.

- ok, rant over: if you made it this far, know that I love you all and I hope this week brings good things for you. Remember what Pete Seeger always said: "Take it easy, but take it". Much love yall!

[more-cardigan-than-woman]

The School Trip Ch 3: Star Labs

Summary: You and Mr Todd take the kids to star labs

Part 2

1.4k

Warnings: 18+, swearing, mentions of masturbatin

AN: Not sorry that I have been trapped in Baldurs gate for months instead of doing this. It will happen again.

"Everyone take a worksheet," you direct the teenagers, holding them out in your hands as they pass through the door to star labs, "remember your friends and follow the rules."

"And no wandering off. There is alot to see here and we don't want to have to call your guardians and tell them we lost you in a lab, okay." Jason adds, ticking off their names as they pass through the door into the lobby.

��Hi Guys!” Dr Snow exclaims as she approaches your group in the lobby. Her long white coat covering the very stylish dress she's wearing, paired with the kitten heels, you can’t help but feel like you’ve underdressed for the occasion in your skirt, sweater combo. “Are you guys ready for a tour?” she continues, giving you and Jason a warm smile, “I just have to speak to your teachers and then we will get going. Why don’t you guys start by looking over the videos that are on display just behind me.”

“Dr Snow, it’s so nice to finally meet you,” you smile in return taking her hand, “The kids are so excited to be here.”

“Lovely to meet you. I’m sure it’ll be a great day,” she looks over her shoulder, “You are welcome to join the tour or there’s a cafe down the road if you didn’t want to join us.”

“I think it’ll be best if we stay close, in case one of them needs us,” Jason pipes up from beside you, you’d almost forgot that he was there to be absorbed in the warmth that seems to radiate from Dr Snow.

“You’re more than welcome to join the tour,” she takes Jason's hand, “the more the merrier. Just try to stay towards the back, don't want the kids to get distracted.”

“Coffee would be nice though,” you nudge Jason's elbow. You’d missed out on one this morning, instead opting to get up and get ready at the ass crack of dawn. You didn't want to wake up and see him in his sleepy state, unsure if you'd be able to resist how adorable he probably looked if he was half asleep. Unfortunately he was already gone when you woke up, so you rushed through your routine and waited in the park outside for everyone to be ready to head out. You should have gotten a coffee, you're an idiot.

"I can run down to the cafe and grab some coffee." Jason's offers, "that way you can stay with the kids and we both get a decent coffee."

"How kind, Mr Todd isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am, Jason," 

"We're just going to head down to the particle display which is the first left on this hall," Dr Snow points out, "we'll wait for you there."

You and Dr snow both give Jason your orders and he heads out to grab them.

"So,” Dr Snow links arms with you as you approach the group of teenagers, "is he the one you mentioned in our emails?

Xx

It didn't take him long to get your coffee. His mind is almost blank as he walks back to the lab. The sun shines in his eyes and all he can see is the tiny bit of drool falling from your lips as you slept this morning. Your hair was all a mess, he couldn't put his shoes on quick enough. 

He'd taken his morning jog, running at twice the speed of normal in an attempt to quell himself of the dreams he had. He'd woken at 3 am with his cock throbbing and all he could do was pray you didn’t wake, attempt to clear his thoughts and hope like fuck that it would go away. At 4 am he finally gave up, slipping on his trainer and slinking out the door. He didn't make it back to the room until after you had already gone. 

You've already moved onto the third exhibit when he finds you. He doesn't mean to sneak but it sounds like you and Dr Snow are talking about him while the kids interact with the exhibits.

"Coffee delivery," he says, loud enough to startle you both.

"Just in time," Dr Snow smiles, taking her from the tray and turning to face the kids, "Ok scientists, we are about to go into the collider room. Please follow me."

"Caity," you stop her, as she's about to head out the door, "you got the kids?"

"Yeah, we'll be right. You know where the swab room is? Meet us there."

"What's going on?" Jason asks, trying to undergrad what's going on. Are you gonna ask where he was this morning? Ask where he went so early in the morning?

"Caity is going to take the kids down to the collider. I figured we could- um," shit ,how do you put this? "This morning, and yesterday- i- '' you start to walk unsure where you're going but knowing you need to keep moving if you want to be coherent.

"I went for a run," he cuts in before you can finish your question, following you into a room, "its habit. I like to get my endorphins going early," he lies. He usually runs in the afternoon, but fuck he needed out of there and he doesnt want to make it awkward, not when he’s just starting to get to know you.

"Was it a nice run?" You ask, thankful that you don't have to finish your question.

"Yeah, I found some pretty spots around. There's a nice little park a bit from the hotel."

"Nicer than the grass out the front?"

"Way nicer, had a lake and everything. I even stopped and finished your book." And had jerked off to it, but he left that part out. That was between him and the birds that called in the trees above him, the swans swimming in the lake and the squirrel he startled when his internal scream started to bubble out of his mouth at the thought of taking you against the tree his back was pressed against.

"What did you think?"

"I understand why people like them a bit more now. A Lot of reassurance, care and the main characters needs are centered above all else. Makes sense that people would find comfort on them."

"Never really thought about that. I'm always focused on-"

"The smut?" He interrupts again, "that was pretty good too. But I'm more of a visual guy," he pauses as you both stop in front of a display, watching each other in the glass, "I like to see what I'm doing to people, see how they react when I touch them." His eyes meet yours in the glass, "nothing prettier than seeing someone lose themselves underneath me."

He turns, waiting for you to say something. His hands hidden in his pockets as he tries to hide his nerves. But your eyes are locked straight ahead, caught on something  in the display and when the silence gets too much for him he asks, "can you tell me what this is?"

"A physical representation of string theory."

"Looks like a cat's dream land."

"I'm sure Rex would love it." Your voice distant as you continue to try and scrub the imagine of Jason Todd spread out on top of you, his curls falling in your eyes and his sweater somewhere on the floor

"What I said," he starts to backtrack, knowing he's said the wrong thing, that it was way to forward and so unlike him, kind of. He just wants to be friends. He tries to remind himself as you stare up at him looking confused and curious, "it was inappropriate. I apologise," he starts to stammer, "I'll just go catch up with the kids and I'll see you on the bus."

"Do you know much about string theory?" You ask and he stops in his tracks, turning back towards you.

"Only what I read in biographies of physicists." Now it's his turn to look confused. He was certain a second ago that he had blown any chance, but with the way you're looking at him right now, maybe he misjudged the situation.

"Would you like to know?"

"You don't want me to leave?

"No, but-" you think about your next words carefully, , "I think safer conversations should be had while in the proximity of impressionable teens."

"Okay, explain it to me like I'm 5."

Ch4

[vexic929]

Blue Streak

Chapter 3

Warnings: electrocution

Chapter 1: link

Chapter 2: link

14 years later

Malcolm wheeled into Jitters, giving the kid who held the door open for him a 'thank you' and a friendly smile, even as she raced off a bit too early to meet her parents and the door slammed into one of his back wheels. Malcolm grimaced but continued on his way, waving to Iris as he caught her eye from behind the counter. Iris wiped her hands on her apron before half-jogging over with the coffee carafe and a mug, pouring him a cup as he opened his bag and pulled his laptop out.

"Okay, what's up, Mal?" Iris demanded, setting the carafe down and surveying him critically.

Malcolm poured creamer into his coffee, giving her a quizzical look as he stirred and sipped it. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Iris started, sitting across from him the moment her coworker signaled it was okay for her to take a short break. "Barr said you're not coming with us to the accelerator thingy tonight. What gives? You were so excited about it!"

Malcolm took another slow sip before sighing and leaning back in his chair. "It's nothing-"

"Mal." Iris interrupted, giving him a warning look.

"Look, I just...it's going to be a big crowd, if it's SRO we'll end up in the back so I won't even be able to see anything, and they'll probably want to check my wheelchair over for bombs or something. I'm just going to slow you and Barry down and as much as I'd love to see the particle accelerator launch and Dr. Wells in person it's not worth the hassle. I can watch it on TV and deal with none of that so it's fine." He insisted, avoiding her gaze.

Iris reached over to grasp his forearm gently, squeezing it. "Come on, you and Barry have been talking my ear off for weeks about it, you don't really want to miss it, do you?"

"It's fine." He repeated, forcing a smile as he met her eyes again. "Really, I'm sure there will be...other scientific advancements that alter the way we think about the universe as we know it. I can miss this one."

Iris shook her head, pursing her lips. "Malcolm Allen, don't you dare give up on something you've been looking forward to just because of a few possible roadblocks. You deserve to be there just as much as anyone else, now what's really going on with you?"

Malcolm's forced smile faltered and he looked away again, tracing the handle of his coffee cup with his fingertips. "...You should probably get back to work-"

Iris leaned forward, her voice gentle but firm. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's bothering you. I know you too well to believe that it's just about the crowd or security checks."

Malcolm sighed, his shoulders sagging. He knew he couldn't keep his feelings from Iris, even though he often tried. She had a way of seeing through his defenses, of understanding him like no one else could.

"It's just...I'm tired, Iris," he admitted softly, finally meeting her gaze again. "Everywhere I go, it's like people see the wheelchair before they see me. And even when they do see me, they treat me like I'm a child or made of glass or just an inconvenience or something. It's exhausting. I went on that date with Eric last night and he babied me all fucking night - ordered for me, spoke over me, even pushed my damn chair without asking. Then I had an interview this morning and they took one look at the chair and told me I wasn't a good fit. Didn't matter that they loved my résumé or that I ticked every box they asked for and then some. I don't know what the hell else I'm supposed to do, I bend over backwards and it's still not enough."

Iris listened quietly, her expression filled with sympathy as Malcolm poured out his frustrations. When he finished, she reached across the table again and took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm sorry, Mal. You're so much more than your wheelchair and I wish people could see that," she said softly, offering him a small smile.

Malcolm smiled back. "Thanks."

"Are you sure you don't wanna come tonight?" Iris asked and Malcolm sighed, sipping his coffee slowly.

"I'll think about it." He relented and Iris gave his hand one last squeeze before standing to go back to work.

He did think about it, he insisted defensively to both Barry and Iris as they left to go to the launch, and he certainly wasn't regretting not going, he'd insist to himself later as he watched the live news coverage while he tinkered in the back shed Joe and Barry had helped him set up as a workshop. He'd sat fairly enraptured all through Dr. Wells' speech nearly an hour ago much as he assumed Barry had done actually in the presence of the man. He wouldn't be jealous, he'd chosen not to go. He hoped Barry had enjoyed it, was still enjoying milling around S.T.A.R. Labs' lobby. Maybe he and Iris had found a quiet corner of the lab where he could explain what she needed to know for her article. Maybe he'd worked up the courage to finally tell her how he felt. He'd have to ask him later.

Malcolm sighed and shifted in his chair, reaching for the soldering iron to work on the circuit board. At the same time, the tiny, shitty, black-and-white TV set he'd been watching the coverage on shorted out. Malcolm groaned in frustration and slid the circuit board aside to instead grab the television and open it up. Maybe, if he was quick, he could fix it before the live coverage ended and still watch the tail end of it.

Several things happened suddenly in rapid succession. Lightning cracked just outside the shed, the power surged, and Malcolm felt a jolt course through him from the soldering iron and broken TV both, causing his muscles to contract painfully as he was thrown back, his chair tipping and causing him to hit the wooden floor hard. Despite the grounding, the electricity still seemed to dance through his veins, a searing agony that threatened to consume him whole before he lost consciousness altogether.

"Mal? Power's out, thought you could use some light-"

Joe's voice cut off, the flashlight he was holding clattering to the ground as he raced forward, fumbling for his cell phone and feeling for a pulse, ignoring the brief shock that hit his fingertips. Nothing. Oh god. He dialed 911 and set the phone down beside him, beginning chest compressions. He rattled off his address as clearly as he could when the operator picked up, voice shaking.

"This is Detective Joe West, I need an ambulance now. My son's been electrocuted."

[nescaveckwriter]

Stethoscopes & Triangles - Chapter One ❤️‍🩹

Sam Winchester x Reader (Aka - Amy Summers)

A/N: Heya bugsie 🐞, here is another fanfic, about Sam & Dean, was requested by a beautiful anon 💕 (I hope you like it darling)

Side Note: Thank You Bugsies for the love and support, I'm open to take more requests, as writing is one of my favourite things to do

Warnings: Death, Swearing, Angst, Hospital Scenes, Fluff

Code Blue!!! Code Blue!!!!

"Dammit!!! The kid keeps coding, come on buddy, pull through for me" she whispers while standing over him, giving him chest compressions.

"Doctor Summers, its no use, its been more than 15 minutes, he's gone!" The male nurse exclaims.

Her eyes throwing darts, "Dammit Jeremy! The kid is only five, we owe him, we have to try just once more."

Shaking his head in disbelief, agitated he says, "fine do what you want!"

The sweat on her forehead is visible, determination evident, "1...2...." Counting the chest compressions underneath her breath.

Standing back, while they place the defibrillator once again! Seeing the little boy's body jolting up and then down towards the bed again, is just one to much.

"Stop! Just stop it! He's gone, there's nothing we can do now!" Her voice stern and emotionless.

Calling the time, while removing her cloves, and letting it fall to the ground, walking out of the emergency room! Walking towards the parents, ''Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, I'm so sorry but unfortunately your son didn't make it'' her voice disinterested. Walking away till the sobbing off the parents becomes more, and more distant.

''Dr. Summers is truly a very cold person, don't you think Judy?'' his voice bitter.

Scornful she replies ''Jeremy, we are not suppose to talk about other people that way, especially not Dr. Summers, she is absolutely amazing at her work'' 

''Just because she's great doesn't mean she needs to be such a jerk'' he mumbled bitterly.

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Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, her bangs  still clinging to her sweaty face, her ocean blue eyes now, a distant grey, looking tired, trying to fight back the tears, cursing herself mentally for failing the little boy, recalling the crushed look on his parents face. Biting her tongue, the taste of blood, awakening her senses. Cupping her hands, bringing some water to her mouth, swooshing it around, then spitting the slightly red-pinkish water into the basin. ''Man Up Amy! Stop being a failure, you're such a disappointment to me'' hearing her father's gravelling voice in her head. 

Hearing the chatter of nurses coming closer, locking herself in one of the bathroom stalls, their voices fruity, but hushed ''That Dr. Summers is real something, she's so cold, how that hot hunky boyfriend can actually love her, blows my mind'' 

''Tell me about it Claire, what he sees in her, I have no idea, yes she has beautiful long black hair, and those blue eyes, and quite a fit physique as well, but her personality is so cold and distant.''

''Oooh I'll take that gorgeous looking man any day'' 

''Oh yeah, we'll be a better fit anyway, our personalities is warm and friendly, not like hers.''

''They don't call her doctor cold for nothing'' laughing as they walk away.

    Tears staining her velvety cheeks. ''Get yourself together Dr. Cold'' mocking herself. Unlocking the door, walking to the basin to wash her face. Dabbing the paper towel over her face, her mouth curved into a smile, revealing the dimples, Sam, amazingly handsome Sam, he always had a way of making her knees weak, ever since they met in college, they disliked each other at first, her nature hard and cold, and his soft, empathetic and so gentle, they'll clash about every little thing. They lived opposite from each other, but it changed one night, getting a 'D' in chemistry, and freaking out about it, she sat on the stairs at three in the morning, knowing her father is most probably going to kill her, she felt a big gentle hand on her shoulder, his smoky voice, full of empathy, ''whatever it is, its going to be okay.''

The two of them sat till the sun came up, shared stories about their father's and how if affected them. He asked her out two days after that, revealing he had felt this way for the longest time, and they've been going strong for a little over seven years. Moving in together was the next logical step after college, building a life together while she was busy with her residency and Sam serving articles for his clerkship, didn't come without challenges, but they made it, both of them have their dream jobs, and their good at what they do, even if it interferes with their social lives and especially their relationship, but their still holding on and going strong. The pager alerting her, there's yet another emergency, breaks her thoughts. Tossing the paper towel in the dustbin, she runs off to the ER.

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Unlocking the door with its detailed appearance, he walks in. Peeking in to the kitchen, then to  the living room, shaking his head at the sight of her sneakers laying upside down at the armchair. ''Babe, were are you at?'' hearing her mumbling something that's she's in the bathtub. Peeping inside, the bathroom smells like lavender, the fragmented candles reflecting the glow on her fair skin, her long hair, tied up in a messy bun, her body drenched under the hot water and the white soapy bubbles, creeping up to her collar bone. ''Damn your beautiful'' his voice smoky and slight breathy.

''Hey babe, thank you, I missed you today!'' her voice tired. 

Knowing her like the back of his hand, ''Sweetie, hard day at work?''

Tilting her head towards Sam, revealing her greyish blue orbs. ''I lost a five year old boy today, due to a damn drunken driver.'' her voice heavy with emotion.

Concerned look on his face, his brows furrowed, ''Love I'm so sorry'' walking closer, landing a kiss on the crown of her head. Placing himself down on the floor next to the bathtub, taking her hand, stroking her lean fingers. His voice low, ''What can I do?'' 

''There's nothing you can do, babe, you being here is enough'' revealing the pain in her voice.

Looking up at her, stroking the tears off her dewy cheeks, knowing, that she's a strong women, but not really the cold person, she makes out to be. He whispers,  ''I'm here for you baby'' while kissing her softly. 

''Thank you love, I don't know what I will do without you.'' replying breathy.

A corner of his mouth lifted, ''Probably pass out due to hunger'' trying to lighten the mood, he suggests he'll make some dinner, while she relaxes a little more, and when she's ready, then the the food will be plated, and they'll binge, one of those home renovation shows she likes so much. 

''Sounds perfect thanks babe'' a soft giggle escapes her full lips.

Giving her a small kiss he walks towards the kitchen, wondering if she knows how much he loves and adores her, no one get's him like she does, that's probably why he is planning to ask the big question, once he's done working this big case.

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Chapter Two Here :)

[sunshinerapmonster]

The Saregeant's Daughter - Chapter 26 Madeline

"Jay, you're the best the thing that has happened to me"

Chicago Med S4 EP 19: Never Let You Go

"Good morning," I said looking over some files on the computer.

"Morning," Will said smiling at me, "I saw you went to that concert you were talking about. How was it?"

"It was amazing! I screamed my heart out, and I lost my voice but it was totally worth it" I said smiling thinking about the concert.

"Did Jay go?" He asked.

"No, he was working a case and it's been keeping him busy the last couple of weeks but tonight we are having a date," I said.

"Well, glad you had a good time"

"Thanks," I said as he walked away.

"Dr. Sanchez," Dr. Lanik said walking towards me.

"Yeah," I said.

"Treatment 4," he said handing me the iPad, "16-year-old female, 38 weeks pregnant. Rear-ended while she was driving. Now I cleared her C-spine and she has labs brewing, but I figured you could check her cervix before calling the OB"

"Sure," I said walking towards the room.

"Lily? Hi, I'm Dr.Sanchez." I said standing in front of the bed, "I understand you're 38 weeks. Are you family?"

"I'm her father, yes. Joseph Cooper. And this is Edie Thompson" he said.

"I'm not family exactly," she said with a smile.

"Uh, she's adopting my baby," Lily said.

"Great. All right, well, let's take a look" I said placing the iPad down and grabbing the gel and placing it on her belly.

"Thanks," I said as Monique handed me the wand I turned to look at the screen, "Baby looks healthy and the placenta looks good. All right, Lily, I'm going to ask your dad and Edie to step out of the room while I check your cervix" I said smiling at her.

"Okay"

"We'll be right outside, honey," he said and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you. All right, now you let me know if anything's uncomfortable or if you feel any pain, okay?" I said putting on some gloves, "All right, if you could just put your knees up and then let them fall open. Thank you. All right you ready"

I insert the vaginal speculum in and she let out a huge gasp, "You okay?" I asked her.

I looked up and started at Monique, "Everything okay?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Um, I'm feeling that you're two centimeters dilated and seeing that you started contractions. " I said removing my gloves.

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, I think the car accident caused you to start labor," I said.

"You've got to stop it. I don't want to see the baby" she said, "That's why I scheduled a c-section"

"I'm sorry, Lily, but it doesn't work that way. Um, you can't stop labor once the baby is full-term. " I said.

"I just want to be put to sleep and wake up with it gone, okay?" Lily said looking at the both of us.

"I will call Labor and Delivery and see what we can do, okay?"

-

"Hey, so good news," I said walking into Lily's room again, "Dr. Patchefsky called and she can schedule you for a c-section today if you still wanna do that"

"So that means the baby's coming today?" Edie said.

"Mh-hmm"

'Oh, that's--that's incredible. I-I have to text Howard"

"Are you sure you're okay, sweetie? I know this is a lot" Mr.Cooper asked Lily.

"I'm ready to get it over with, Dad"

"All right, well, we'll send you upstairs as soon as a bed becomes available, okay?" I said getting ready to leave the room.

"And where's Lily at? Lily Cooper?" a voice said.

"David, what are you doing here?" Lily said.

"Hi, Jessie told me. Are you all right?" David said.

"You need to leave," Mr.Cooper said.

"It's okay, Dad. I'm fine, but they said the baby's coming out today"

"It--it's happening now?" he said.

"You better go, David" Lily said.

"That's right!"

David walked into the room, "I'm ready to take care of you and our baby"

"You're telling me this now?" she whispered.

"Yeah, you never answer my calls," he said, "All right, I get that you're mad. When you told me, I'd just lost my job and my mom was sick and I freaked out. But I got a good job now, all right? They're paying me 12 an hour at the tire and rim--"

"It's too late, David!" she said her voice cracking.

"No, listen, listen, they're giving me full-time hours," he said pleading with her.

"That's enough! You need to leave" Mr.Cooper said pushing him out of the room.

"No, no. This isn't about me"

"Maybe I should wait in the lobby?" Edie said.

'No, no. He's the one who's leaving"

"Okay, everyone calm down," I said but they didn't listen, "Hey, Maggie, call security?" I yelled at Maggie.

"Dad, stop! Please!"

"Don't touch me" David said.

"All right, I'm going to need you to wait in the lobby, okay," I said looking at David.

"But that--that--that-that--that's my baby!" he shouted pointing at Lily.

"Not anymore!"

"Security," Maggie said.

"Well, what does that mean?" he said looking at us, "What does that--what does that mean? Lily?"

"I'm giving the baby up"

"Did he talk you into this?" David said.

"Hey, Hey!" I said.

"Hey, that's my kid!" he said trying to push back against Mr.Cooper, "You can't take--no, no! You can't take my kid"

Security grabbed him, "Let go!, Hey, hey!"

"Let's go, son"

"I'm the father! I have a say!" He yelled, "Hey! Let go! Hey, no! You can't take me from my kid!"

He continued to scream and fight as the security escorted him out of the hospital.

-

"And the baby looks good, so we're gonna take you up and get you prepped for the c-section," I said, "Are you ready?"

"I guess," Lily said.

"It's going to be fine"

I smiled and turned to look at Maggie, "Hey Maggie, will you page OB and tell them we're on our way up?" I said.

"Copy that," she said.

"Thanks," I said and turned to look at the bed.

"David" Lily said causing me to turn around and see David standing in the doorway of the room.

"Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of everything" he said reaching for his back pocket and pulling out a gun.

"What are you doing?" Lily said standing up but I quickly blocked her with my arm.

"Whoa. David, put that down" Mr.Cooper said.

"You think I'm gonna let you come in here and steal my kid?" he said.

"Dad, Dad, Dad, no. Dad, stop!" Lily yelled as Mr.Cooper rushed and pushed David out of the room.

They started to fight for the gun in the room.

Security, code silver! Active threat in the ED!

A gunshot was heard and Mr.Cooper fell onto the ground. Lily started shouting for her dad. I rushed towards Mr.Cooper not caring that I could get shot myself.

"David no!" I yelled at him.

Drop your weapon!

He fired his gun again at Earl, and he fell onto the ground, and the glass shattered. Nurses, doctors, and patients started to scream and run out of the ED into the waiting room. I covered the gunshot wound as I saw Will come out of the waiting room and make eye contact with me.

Edie rushed out of the room but David grabbed her and used her as a hostage.

"Stop! Stop!" David yelled pointing his gun at the officer.

"No, drop it! Drop it! Now!" The officer shouted.

"Frank, listen to the man. Listen to him" Earl said grunting with pain.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm a doctor!" Ethan shouted, "Let me just take a look," he said moving towards Earl.

David grabbed the Earl gun that had fallen onto the ground when he shot at him. Will walked towards me.

"Hey! I said stop moving" David shouted at him.

"Dad, Dad, are you okay? Please help my dad!" Lily shouted.

"I'm a doctor. I can help" Will said.

"Get in this room," he said pointing at a room

"Okay, okay," Will said pointing at the room.

Conner peaked out of the room and took small steps towards me holding a pair of gloves in his hand, "We need to help this man" he said pointing at Mr.Cooper.

"Dad! Daddy! Dad" Lily cried out.

"It wasn't my fault," David said.

"But you don't want him to die, do you?" Connor said.

David shook his head, "No. Help him, help him"

"Okay," Connor said and dropped to his knees putting on the gloves.

I got up slowly and rushed towards Lily as David continued to yell for orders. I brought Lily into my arms.

"Lily, I need you to take deep breaths okay" I said running my hands down her back.

she nodded her head and tried to take deep breaths, Maggie and Ethan rushed to help Connor with Mr.Cooper.

"Listen, I just want to get my girlfriend and my baby out of here. I don't want to hurt anybody else, but I will if you get in my way" David shouted, "Hey, you back where you were" he said.

He had his back turned from me, I took a deep breath and made the dumbest decision known to mankind. Me and Ethan made eye contact as David and Conner were talking among each other. He sent me a small nod, I rushed towards him and knocked him onto the ground he dropped both guns and I got on top of him trying to pin his arms down to the ground like I was taught in the academy but he was able to react quickly and brought his arms up and grabbed my neck tightly and flipped us around.

"You stupid doctor!" he shouted at me and leaned over me to grab the gun and point it at me.

"Let her go!" Will shouted.

"Shut up!" he yelled pointing his gun at him.

I clawed to get his hands off my neck but he was stronger than me, "Use her a shield, her uncle is a sergeant! he won't let nobody shoot at you if you're holding her" Ethan said.

He looked down at me and I nodded my head at him, "He-he-he's right" I said in between gasps.

He got up picked me up and flipped me around so my back was against his chest.

"He won't make it, let me bring him upstairs," Connor said.

"No, he stays here"

"He might not make it if you don't let him go upstairs"

"You're a doctor. Do something!" He shouted at Connor.

"He doesn't have the supplies he needs," I said.

"I need blood, plasma, and platelets. Now! Otherwise, he dies" Connor said.

"Okay, what do I--what do I do?" he said stumbling over his words.

"Pick up any one of those phones dial 911 and tell them who you are. They'll find someone for you to ask. Now!" Maggie shouted at him.

"Okay, grab a phone and call him," He said pushing me towards the phones.

I nodded my head picked up the phone and started dialing 911, I felt David push the gun up against the back of my head.

911, what's your emergency

"I'm Dr.Sanchez calling from Chicago Med," I said into the phone, "I need blood, plasma, and platelets now"

"Tell them to send Goodwin in with the supplies!" David shouted at me.

"Can you please send Goodwin in with the supplies"

He ripped the phone away from my hand, "I know what she looks like if you don't send her in I won't hesitate to put a bullet in the doctor's head" he said and hung up the phone.

"Lily might be fully dilated. She needs to deliver the baby" I said turning to look at Lily who stared at us.

"You!" he pointed at Will, "Go help my girlfriend to deliver the baby"

"No, I don't want to push it out!" she shouted as Will walked into the room.

"I know this isn't how you wanted it to happen but we cannot wait any longer," I said to her, "Will, please"

"Can't you just do the C-section?"

"It's not safe to do it here," Will said putting on gloves.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but I need you to deliver this baby," I said, "David let the doctor get a precip pack from that blue box in the pyxis. It's for the delivery"

"You heard her. Grab them now!"

Lily was moaning out in pain, "Just breathe Lily, breathe in and out Lily" I said as David walked us towards the door of her room.

"It's going to be okay, Lily. I promise. It's going to be okay" he mumbled.

"You shot my dad" she cried out in pain.

"Let me help them," I said, "You can stand next to me for protection"

"It was an accident. I swear--I swear it was. But there's a doctor looking at him--there's a doctor looking at him right now, all right? And it--it's going to be okay. I promise you. He's going to be okay"

"Dr.Halstead is going to need another set of hands to deliver your child. Can I help him" I asked him once more.

He nodded his head and let me go and I rushed over to her, "You got this, Lily. Keep breathing" I said as Will handed me the box.

"I just couldn't let him take our baby like that, Lily," he said looking at Lily, "I could--I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

I moved towards the front of the bed, "You doing great Lily. You're doing great. Just keep looking at me and breathing in and out, like you have been doing since the beginning. Breathe with me Lily" I said.

"We can raise this kid together. I know we can. And I know that's what you want too"

she shook her head, "No. I just want my life to go back to normal. I wanna finish high school. I wanna go to college" she said.

"No, no, no, no. That's your dad talking, all right?" he said closing his eyes and opening them up, "And I'm gonna fix everything as soon as we get out of here"

David's attention went away from us when he heard glasses and he walked away from us.

"Lily, honey--"

"Next person to move, I will not hesitate to shoot anyone!" he shouted.

-

Goodwin had come in with the supplies I had asked for then shouting was heard when they were moving Mr.Cooper from the ER.

"Mads, fetal heart tones just flipped to the other side," Will said as we lowered the bed.

"I just felt something shift," she said looking between us, "Does that mean the baby's coming out?"

"Let me see," I said placing my hands on her belly, "The baby just went transverse," I said looking at Will.

"Wait, what does that mean?" David asked as he stood at the entrance with Goodwin.

"The baby's turned sideways in her uterus. She can't deliver like that" Will said answering his question.

"So what happens now?"

"We need to move her upstairs" I shouted.

"No, you do it here," he said.

"Fine, I need you to get me something out of the Pyxis," I said pointing over at the room, "A medication, Terbutaline"

"I will get it," Goodwin said and walked away with David following her.

"Just look at me. Look at me. Breathe" Will said, "Good. Are you gonna turn the baby?" he whispered.

"Water hasn't broken yet. And the Terbutaline should soften her uterus" I said.

"She's in labor. We could cause a placental abruption or a prolapse" he mutters.

"Well, he's not giving me any other choice" I whisper shouted.

Lily shouted before she went cold. The Machines started beeping.

"She's hypotensive," Will said.

"What's that?"

"Her blood pressure is dropping," Goodwin said.

"She must be bleeding from somewhere," I said.

"We are losing the baby," Will said looking at David.

"Fix it!"

"We need to do a C-section or you're going to lose them both!" I shouted at him.

"Well, if either of them dies, I'm gonna kill you" he shouted pointing his gun at me.

"Hey!" Will yelled at him pointing his finger at him.

"Fix it! Now!"

David grabbed me by the shoulder roughly and walked over to Conner where he and Maggie were with his Dad.

"Dr.Rhodes?" Maggie said as she saw me standing in front of them with a gun pointed at me.

"Lily needs your help," David said.

"I'm not leaving my father," he said.

"Connor, I think her uterus ruptured," I said taking a deep breath, "She needs immediate surgery before she and the baby bleed to death"

"I will do the surgery. If you agree to transfer my father upstairs" Connor said.

"No, you fix him here," he said shaking his head.

"I can't. He needs an operating room with a bypass machine!" he shouted.

"Operate on Lily or I will kill you right here," he said and pointed his gun at Conner.

"God damnit David!" I shouted, "Let Dr. Rhodes's father move upstairs now! So he can save them all you're just losing fucking time. Pointing your gun around the whole room"

Connor chuckled, "You want to kill the only person who can save her?" he said.

"I will transfer his father. And I give you my word, I will not let SWAT in" Goodwin said, "Please, David, Lily, and the baby are losing valuable time like Dr.Sanchez had said.

"Okay," he mumbled.

Connor walked out of the room and I followed behind him, "Bring whatever blood we have to the Hybrid OR. Prep her belly, and scrub in. I'm gonna need your help, all of you"

"Yes"

-

"Sats are good. Ketamine's in" Will said.

"Everybody ready?" Connor asked looking at all of us.

"Mm-hmm" I mumbled.

"Okay," he said and cut down the middle of Lily's belly.

Blood started squirting out quickly out of her belly, "Her uterus ruptured" Connor said.

"The baby's floating in the abdomen. Need suction" I said as I grabbed one side of the belly.

"I'm in there," Maggie said putting the tube in.

Connor's hands went deep into the belly and he pulled the baby out of the belly which was covered in blood.

"Mom's pressure is crashing. O neg's running in" Will said.

"All right, we're losing her," Connor said, "Keep suction going. More laps"

I grabbed a blanket for the baby wrapped him up and cleaned off the blood

"His color's coming back, He's stable for now," I said.

"Guys, I need a little help over here," Connor said, "She's lost a lot of blood. What-What do we got left?"

"I'm hanging my last two of FFP. She's not stable" Will said.

"All right, keep suctioning," Connor said.

"Yeah"

"I can't see a thing," Connor said then more blood squirted out hitting both me and Connor in the face.

"The rupture extended into the uterine artery," I said.

"Keep suction going"

"She's bottoming out, Connor," Will said.

"All right, hold on, hold on. I think I got it" Connor said, "Give me an 0 prolene on a needle"

"Pressure's rising"

"Bleeding's under control. All right, Let's finish this and then we'll close the uterus" he said breathing heavily.

-

"My baby" Lily mumbled.

"Healthy little boy," I said sending her a smile.

The door opens and David walks in with Goodwin, "Hey, Lily, we're gonna go right now, all right?"

"That's not happening," Connor said.

"She can barely move in her condition," Will said.

"Stop talking. We gotta go. Lily, we gotta go right now. All right?"

"David, no," she said.

"No listen, all we have to do is get to the neighborhood, all right?" he said, "Because I know people who'll help us get out. I promise it's gonna be okay. All right?"

"No," she said, "It's over, David. It's over"

Good walked towards the baby's bed slowly and picked him up into her arms

"If you change your mind when you do, call my mom. She'll tell you to get in contact with me and the baby" he said and turned to look at the empty bed.

"David--"

"What are you doing?" he asked Goodwin, "Give me my son"

"I can't do that, David"

David turned towards us and pointed his gun at us, "Get back. Get back" he said, "Everyone back against the wall now" and turned back to look at Ms.Good still with his gun pointed at us, "Miss Goodwin, hand him over"

"I said I'd help you, David, and I meant that," she said taking steps back and shaking her head, "But I'm not giving you this baby"

"I'm not leaving here without my son"

"Sharon?" Maggie called out for her.

"You don't have a choice"

"No, you don't have a choice. I will kill everyone in this hospital before I leave my son!" he shouted and shot his gun at the ground.

We all jumped a bit, Will pulled me behind him quickly so now both me and Maggie were behind the guys.

"Then you're gonna have to start with me"

"Give me my son!"

A gunshot was heard and David's body fell to the ground with a loud thump, and the SWAT team rushed in. Both me and Connor rushed over to David's body. He was shot in the neck blood came out of his mouth as he held the side of his neck with both sides before he finally let go.

"He's gone," I said as me and Connor looked at each other.

"Madeline, Madeline" a voice yelled.

I looked up and saw Jay standing in front of me, "Jay--Jay" I mumbled getting up from the floor.

"I was so worried about you," he said grabbing my head with both his hands, "You're covered in blood are you hurt" he mumbled checking for wounds.

I shook my head, "No, estoy bein amor" I said smiling at him.

"Thank god," he said kissing my lips.

-

I walked into Mr. Cooper's room with a smile on my face, "Hello, Dr.Sanchez"

"Hi, I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Just wanted to come in and check and see if you needed anything"

"Hi, Lily Cooper?" a nurse said stopping in front of the room, "Dr.Lang cleared the baby. I'm having a hard time finding the adoptive mom, though. Edie Thompson, right?"

"I saw her leave the hospital. I don't think she'll be coming back" I said.

"I'll call the agency tomorrow," Mr.Cooper said, "Have them find another couple. I'm sure it won't be a problem. Can you take him back to the nursery until we get this straightened out?"

I looked at Lily as she kept staring at the bed that held her baby, "Hang on a second. Lily, is there something you want to say?" I asked her.

"Would it be okay if I hold him?" she asked.

"Honey--"

"Just for a little bit"

I smiled at her, "Of course" I walked towards the baby picked it up into my arms carefully, and headed towards Lily, "Here you go honey"

"Sweetie" Mr.Cooper said.

"Dad?" she said with tears in her eyes.

"Lily"

"But he's mine, dad" she whispered looking at her son with a smile.

"What?"

-

After getting out of the shower I sat at my vanity and started to do my makeup. After finishing my makeup, I grabbed the blue dress I had laid on the bed and put it on, sitting on the seat I grabbed the black heels I left by the table and put them on, I grabbed my Chanel chain wallet purse making sure I had put everything in it and left the room.

My heels clicked against the wooden floor, "Hey you ready?" Jay asked looking at his watch.

"Yes" I said smiling at him.

"Woah" he muttered as he looked me up and down, "You look so sexy, why don't we stay home instead and" he warped his arms around my waist and kissed me.

"Jay! You promised me a nice dinner, after dinner you can have your way with me all night" I whisper in his ear.

"Fine. Let's go now so we can back home earlier"

-

We finished dinner and it was amazing and now we were just eating dessert.

"Babe, I wanna give you something" Jay said pulling something from his pocket.

"What is it?" I asked putting the fork down.

He pulled out a small red velvet box, a gasp left my lips and I covered my mouth.

"Jay" I whispered.

He smiled at me, "I'm giving you this promise ring because I promise to you forever and soon replace it with an engagement ring"

"Jay, you're the best the thing that has happened to me" I said crying.

He grabbed my hand and slid it onto my right finger, it was beautiful.

Jay Master List

intro 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Book Two

Promise Ring:)

[canary0]

Aug 15th - Dracula 2023

Jonathan Harker's Diary

After we saw that bat in the window the night after our wedding, I've been feeling better. Unsurprising that he would come after me again - draw out whatever joy he gets in my torment. Mina and I have done what we can to try and protect more of the house, but it's hard to work around Lucy's mother. She's quite religious, and sees things like crucifixes as idolatrous, and worse (to her), Catholic. Working with the limited knowledge we have is making protecting ourselves difficult, and all of us know that he's here somewhere.

Lucy's mother doesn't, but between clearly having some intense levels of anxiety and a heart condition, it could genuinely be as dangerous to her health to tell her as not. Considering she believes that sleepwalkers throw themselves off cliffs and was nervous about Lucy getting vaccinated during COVID, we decided probably less is better in her particular case.

We've all (that is, Lucy, Mina, and I) been talking with Quincey and Jack about the situation. Dr. Seward in particular didn't quite believe us at first. We showed him my journal, and while he was still disbelieving afterward, it wasn't me he disbelieved so much as whether the experiences that he believes that I have were supernatural in origin. Admittedly, I can think of ways it could be done, but not a lot without electricity. He did agree with that.

Eventually, he said that he knew someone who could help, a multi-disciplinary scientist of his acquaintance by the name of Van Helsing. Dr. Stankiewicz will be arriving soon, as well. She couldn't make it to the wedding due to work, but the hospital has virtually forced her to take a vacation, so she's taking the offer up to visit, at least.

Between a man who apparently has published a paper on just about every subject you can think of and a medical doctor from the Count's region of origin, perhaps we'll have some concrete steps to take soon.

In the mean time, I have been spending a great deal of time on the internet and in Whitby's library. The town isn't huge, and the library matches its scale, but it has some resources, and that's more than we have on hand.

---

Mina Harker's Diary

I'm writing quite late tonight - I think it must be the wee hours of the morning, though I don't really want to check my phone at the moment to see just how late it is.

I am growing worried for Lucy again. She's been sleepwalking quite a bit lately, wandering around her room in just her nightclothes, trying the door and window over and over again. I've been listening to her each night lately. She is quite energetic during the day, which feels quite surprising given her level of activity at night, but I wonder if part of it is having an interesting project to work on to distract herself from Arthur's absence. She's been quite thoroughly throwing herself into our situation.

However, I think we both must have fallen asleep last night, because Lucy managed to get herself out of the room tonight. I woke with a start after I realized I had fallen asleep and got up as soon as I realized I wasn't hearing anything from the next room.

I unlocked the door only to find the window open. The window, of all places!

I ran out of the house... admittedly, completely forgetting to wake Jonathan in my panic. I only remembered how important it was for all of us not to be alone after it was all over.

I hurried out into the streets and across the bridge over the River Esk, looking around in a panic in the form of Lucy. It made it more difficult, not knowing what she might have dressed herself in... although it turned out, not as difficult as I thought. She hadn't changed, as it turned out. I saw a form in the moonlight lying prone on our seat up in the graveyard. Someone was nearby, maybe close to her. It was hard to tell from so far away, but I ran over to her as fast as my legs would carry me in my pajamas, a pair of sneakers, and a housecoat.

The figure left before I arrived - I wonder if they must have seen me tearing toward them at full speed. The figure was indeed Lucy, thankfully.

I shook her awake as gently as I could and still get her there. She was still sleepy and disoriented. I gave her the housecoat. Despite it being summer, the late nights are still chilly enough for me to worry for her, especially with bare feet, too.

I got her back into bed and closed up the window, but there was only a latch rather than a proper lock. I shall have to speak with Mrs. Westenra about getting one installed. She will likely be amenable, given her worries about sleepwalkers and roofs and cliffs and whatnot.

I am honestly not sure how Lucy managed to get down from the window, but her limbs are uninjured, at least.

It's time for me to get some sleep. The danger has already taken place, and Lucy always sleeps soundly after one sleepwalking incident.

(A/N: I promised and I did it! Go me! I'm so tired. Time for me to go to sleep. Fortunately, I only talk in my sleep. XD)

[dododan]

Forgotten Perseverance - Chapter 9

Masterpost

Previous

The confrontation with Doggo, made Kath realize how great hatred of people can be. The girl can't deal with it and doesn't want to burden the Windings family with more worries. But Sans sees that something is wrong. Although he himself does not know how to help Kath, he knows a person who will do a great job in this role.

I've already lost count of the time. I don't know what day it is. In the Underground they have a different calendar. The days are the same, but the dates are different. I am not able to tell what day it is on the Surface. Just is it important now?  

Sans repeats that I should not lose hope. Someday I will come to the Surface. He says this when we are alone. So that no one can hear that I am afraid. I don't know if I will get my future back. Whether I will ever see my friends again. They probably blame themselves for what happened that day. So do I. I regret so many things. I feel like I'm carrying more and more weight, and it's slowly starting to overwhelm me. Sans doesn't know it, but he sees that something is happening. He just is. It's like he's giving me some silent support, but he doesn't expect me to open up.   

I think he just wants to show me that way, that I'm not alone. He usually starts talking about the stars. I guess it's his way of warding off bad thoughts. Stars. Hope that keeps him in his senses. Probably like most of the monsters in the Underworld.   

The dream that one day they will see the Surface. These conversations somehow help. I would like to one day tell him how I feel. I have a feeling that they understood me. Only for now I can't gather the courage.   

Everyone is trying to make me feel wanted. I guess I'm not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought. Or they are just trying to be nice to me. That day as we returned from our “excursion” I was able to find out what Mr. Gaster had talked about with Sans in the morning. We came back tired. Mr. Gaster was waiting for us in the kitchen. He was peeling about the plat, sipping coffee. He put the cup down as soon as he saw us.   

"And how was the trip?" Dr. Gaster asked, coming up to us.   

We looked at each other a little confused. No one knew what to answer. What could we supposedly say? We almost started a fight in the middle of the road? Sans fighting with some monster? The guards don't give a damn about their duties? Fortunately, Papyrus saved us. He immediately started telling what good hamburgers he ate from Grillby. Too enthused to say anything else. Unless the little guy is smarter than I thought and well aware of his innocence. Dr. Gaster lifted his younger son in his arms.  

"So I am to understand that you enjoyed it,” he announced, and Papyrus hugged him." Well, I think it's time to clean up the studio,” Dr. Gaster added, putting his son down. Slightly disappointed Papyrus stepped back." Perhaps you can help me?”  

I didn't have time to answer anything. Honestly, I would rather rest then help. Unfortunately, it is not appropriate to refuse.   

"Sure" replied Sans, heading towards the stairs." Come on, we'll make it quick and we can watch some movie,” he added, walking up the stairs.   

"Let's go,” said Gaster, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Come on Papy! It won't be so bad!”  

"Okay,” replied Papyrus, dragging his feet.   

Mr. Gaster's cabinet was located between Sansa's room and Papyrus' room. My parents also had such a cabinet. They usually sat there in the evenings, instead of sitting with me and my sister. The four of us walked to the door, when suddenly Sans put a blindfold on me.   

"What are you doing?" I asked, stretching my hands forward reflexively.  

"I'm putting on a blindfold,” replied Sans, tying it off. I also heard the creaking of the door and Papyrus' quiet laughter. I didn't really understand it. I didn't even guess what they did for me. I didn't expect it.   

“Just why did I need it?" I asked when Sans put his hands on my shoulders.   

"Because it's a special cleaning,” he replied, walking forward. I took a few steps forward." Watch the threshold." I took a bigger step, avoiding the obstacle.   

"Should I be afraid?" I asked uncertain of what they wanted to show me. It must have been something big if they couldn't show it to me downstairs.   

"I don't know. It can make you ashen with electricity if you're careless,” Sans said, letting go of my shoulders.   

 “Sans,” I heard Gaster's stern voice from the side. I knew that Sans was joking. I had provoked him to it myself. I laughed under my breath." You can already take off Kath's headband,” Gaster added softly." I hope you will like it.  I took a deep breath. I put my hands up and then untied the headband from the back of my head. Did he have to make such a knot? Instead of struggling to untie it, I simply slipped it off my head. I took a few steps forward looking around. I saw a room with light-colored walls. Cream-colored. The ceiling, on the other hand, was dark. Navy blue. Small lamps were located on it. They seemed to be hung in messy patterns. I had the impression that they reminded me of something. By the window stood a bed. There was white bedding. Next to it was a tall wooden closet. Opposite it was a desk. On it stood a cup with pencils and pens. There were also several shelves. Part of it was empty, and on the rest stood several books. The same ones I had read with Sans.  

"I guess this silence can be taken as admiration,” announced Sans, leaning against a cabinet.   

"It's amazing,” I said, continuing to admire the room.   

"And you haven't seen the best yet,” said Sans, walking over to the switch.   

He turned off the side lights and then turned on the small lights on the ceiling. He was right. It was impressive. The lights were arranged in constellations. There was a big car and a small car. A polar star. Orion and several others. It didn't necessarily reflect the night sky, but it was still wonderful.   

 " Incredible,” I repeated.   

I couldn't find another term. Sans laughed quietly. And Gaster stood at the back with Papyrus.   

"Why didn't I know anything?" asked reproachfully Paps, looking at his father.   

"Because you're a talker,” replied Sans, walking up to his brother." You don't know how to keep your mouth shut.   

The brothers teased like this for a few more minutes. I was grateful to them for this gift. I didn't know how I should repay them. I felt really happy. A corner of one's own is always important. I had a little more privacy with it. I was also able to be alone when I needed it. I was happy, but also sad. I know that Mr. Gaster didn't want to nail me. But my own room made me painfully aware that I would be staying here for a while. Maybe for longer or....  

I can't think about it.   

...  

A few days have passed since the unpleasant encounter with Doggo. Somehow I didn't feel like leaving the house anymore. At least for a while. I didn't want another fight because of me. I bring enough problems to the Windings family anyway. I don't want to add more to them.    

I glanced toward the door of Kath's room. She was spending a lot of time in it. Not that I minded. She would just lock herself in there as soon as we started the topic of the Underground tour. She says she's tired or something else. Papyrus didn't notice. He didn't understand it yet. Father was too busy to notice. He said something about the core. They seem to be having trouble stabilizing it. This could have explained the small earthquakes in Hotland and around Waterfall. Unfortunately, no one wanted to say anything. Neither my father nor any of his employees. I didn't really know what to think about this. On the one hand, I was afraid that it was something serious, and on the other hand, my father ran secret projects and was under no obligation to tell me about them. He took his work really seriously.   

As time went by, even if I knew about his idea of stabilizing the core I still wouldn't have done anything. I wouldn't have been able to save him and others. I was a child. I don't think even my father predicted that he and his team would die as a result of the accident. They failed. It was the Alphys who managed to find a solution. This is another thing that monsters prefer to keep quiet about.   

Katharine really didn't want to leave. Her earlier enthusiasm had dimmed.  I understood that, but she couldn't sit in the room all the time. I thought I could get her out somewhere less popular. If she could be persuaded. I didn't want her to lock herself away. She was already lonely enough. I decided to talk to her. Maybe somehow a simple wringing of hands would help her.   

At the time, I didn't know what it meant to lose my family. I thought that talking might somehow help. However, all Kath needed at the time was understanding, time and space. The latter I didn't give her much. I thought that occupying her thoughts would somehow help. That's why I talked to her about the stars. I simply tried to be there for her. Nevertheless, I was not successful in persuading her to go out. For this reason, I invited Aplyhs to join us. She was going to drop in for dinner. The doorbell rang. Papyrus immediately broke away from drawing and ran to the door.   

A blast of cold air rushed in. I heard Paps and Alphys cheering from the living room.   

"Why don't you close this door?" I shouted to them, without taking my eyes off the cookbook. " Do you want to make a snowman in the house or what?   

I heard laughter and then a slam. I turned around for a moment glancing at the living room. The lizard and my brother were heading toward the stairs. I guessed that they were going to Katharine. A moment later I heard them all walking downstairs. Alphys poked Kath from time to time, whispering something in her ear. Maybe it was some kind of girl thing? I don't know. She never wrote down what Al told her.   

After lunch we spent time in the living room. We mostly changed channels. There was nothing interesting on TV. We had only seven channels in the Underground. Four channels with regional news. One historical, science and children's. After the second round, we decided to play VHS tapes. Papyrus sat at the cabinet, taking out some cassette every now and then.   

“And can we watch E.T?" asked Papyrus, holding the cassette in his hands. Looking out of it was a gray wrinkled alien.   

“You've already watched it about five times. Aren't you bored with it?" asked Sans, picking himself up against the back of the couch.   

“Please!" said Papyrus, making buttery eyes.   

At this time Kath and Alphys were talking about something. I paid more attention to them when Kath went upstairs. Papyrus had already managed to put a cassette into the player. He was setting the right parameters without turning his head to us.  

 “What did she go for?" I asked Alphys, straightening up.   

 “To get the phone,” said Al, reaching for her bag, which was lying by the couch.   

 "Whose?" I asked, not knowing what was going on.   

I didn't know at the time that Kath had been carrying a phone from the beginning. None of us checked her backpack at the time. We didn't know what she had with her.   

 "Her,” said Alphys, without even looking at me.   

She took out a small pocket knife from her bag. A moment later Kath came down, holding a phone in her hand. She ran over to the couch, handing the lizard woman her phone.   

 "Are you sure you can fix it? " Katharina asked, looking at Al.   

The lizard woman looked at the phone carefully. It had a cracked glass and several dents. Alphys picked up a pocket knife, sliding out a screwdriver. She levered up the back casing, beginning her work.   

"Why didn't you ask me to do this?" I asked, leaning back. I looked into the eyes of Kath, who only shrugged her shoulders.   

"You know about the stars, I didn't think you also knew about electronics,” replied Kath, straightening up.  

“You could have asked,” I said, following the teenager with my eyes. She sat down next to me in an armchair, tucking her legs under her chin.   

"You can be quiet,” Alphys silenced us, taking her eyes off the unfolded phone." I'm trying to focus.   

Both Kath and I shut up. I wasn't angry that she didn't ask me. I was more a little offended.  It was hard for me to say why. However, I had no reason to be angry or anything like that. It was just... It's hard to describe. Maybe I was jealous? I myself am not sure to this day. I just wanted her to come to me with this problem. I was pulled out of my musings by Alphys' voice.   

 "Fixed,” said the lizard woman, looking at Kath." And what do you think of some improvements?" She asked." For now you only have basic functions and I connected it to our telephone network.   

"How much will it cost to use this network?" asked the teenager, looking doubtfully at me and AL. I was surprised by her question. So was our friend. In The Underground, the telephone network is completely free. The King recognized that communication is one of the most important things. Everyone in the house has a landline, connected to a switchboard." Forget about my question. Let's get back to these improvements,” Kath added after a while, seeing our faces." What do you propose?”   

“First and foremost UnderNet,” said Alphys, tapping the glass with a screwdriver." This is our social center. Most monsters have it. You could chat with whomever you want and none of the monsters would guess that you are human,” she elaborated on her statement." You could find out what's going on in the Underworld and where you'd better not go if you wanted to take a little trip. We can upload it right away if you want,” concluded Al.   

It was clear that Kath was seriously thinking about it. I myself don't know if it would be a good idea. The girl could run into some group that feeds hatred of people. And such things are rather not nice to read. Besides, what would she do if some monster wanted to meet her? But on the other hand, she would have an easier time dealing with Alphys or Saera. I glanced out of the corner of my eye at Papyrus. He was completely engrossed in the movie. He was in no way disturbed by our conversation.   

 "I don't see any objection,” Kath smiled, leaning over the phone.   

Within minutes, the Undernet app was ready for use. The girls quickly tackled setting up an account and setting up privacy. The only problem that arose was choosing a race.   

 "And what do you suggest?" Kath asked, looking through the list with races.   

 "Rather some common one,” replied the lizard woman, looking into space." Maybe a dog monster or a cat monster. They are quite a numerous race,” she added, turning to Kath.   

 " Maybe, and what do you think Sans?" The teenager asked me.   

 "It's your choice. Most monsters don't pay attention to it anyway,” I said.   

 "You help us a lot,” said Alphys with a wince, turning to Kath." Then how about a dog?   

In response, Katharina only nodded her head. After a while I received an invitation from BlueMoon. I accepted it right away.   

 "Why BlueMoon?" I asked.   

  "Why LazyBones?" Kath asked with a smile.   

 "Point for you,” I replied." Then what other upgrades do you want to upload to her. Because apart from Undernet, the rest of it is not too worthwhile,” I added glancing at Al. The rest of the functions required the use of magic, so their upgrades rather ran out.   

“I was thinking of upgrading the camera and the multidimensional clipboard....”   

"After all, she doesn't have magic, so how would it work,” I interrupted her.  

The multidimensional clipboard or pocket didn't work without using the user's magic. It was enough to point the camera at something and use magic while taking a picture. The item immediately went to the phone's clipboard. It could be summoned at any time. The capacity of the clipboard depended on the user's magic, but no one used it to move houses. Because why would they? Usually some small things were stored in it.   

 “You don't know that,” replied a slightly indignant Alphys. " People may have forgotten how to use it, but it certainly couldn't disappear.   

"Unused magic stagnates. You know this well yourself,” I replied.    

There are monsters that don't use magic for everyday life. Even if we are made of it doesn't mean we have to use it. Monsters that consider magic superfluous or have very little of it don't use it. Because of which it thickens and cannot be formed at will. It cannot materialize outside the monster's body.   

"This is the case with monsters. Maybe it is different in humans,” replied Alphys.   

She had many theories about magic. Among them about human Determination. However, without the right equipment, she could not test them. At least at the time. To this day I find it hard to believe that most of them turned out to be true.   

"Then why don't we check it somehow?" Kath interjected. “I may not know what stagnant magic means, but we can check on your phones if I can open this whole pocket,” suggested the teenager, watching us.  

I looked at Alphys, and she looked at me. Trying to open the pocket on either of our phones wouldn't hurt her. And it would end our little argument. As kids, I always argued with Alphys about various aspects of science. We each had a different point of view on an issue. Maybe that's why we worked so well together in the lab.   

“Why not?" said Alphys, putting Kath's phone down on the table." We can check it on mine,” she added, taking her cell phone out of her pants pocket.   

She went into the applications of the large-size pocket. She opened it and handed the phone to Kath.  

 "Choose what object you want to summon. Some small, tiny thing,” the lizard woman instructed her. Kath listened carefully to her occasionally nodding. When she selected something she showed the display." A keychain. I think it can be for a start,” Alphys explained further, while gesturing with her hands." Now the most important thing. You click the keychain icon and have to imagine magic flowing through your hand. Then imagine that your magic....  

 "She has no magic,” I interjected.   

Alphys immediately turned to me with that deadly gaze of hers. I smiled slightly. I liked to annoy her from time to time. And it was quite a challenge, because she was one of the few who could ignore my jokes.   

"Coming back,” Alphys began again, no longer paying attention to me. " Imagine this object appearing in front of the phone. It's like it's forming from magic. You don't have to rush or stress. If necessary, I can explain it again,” finished Alphys, waiting for Kath's reaction.   

The teenager took a deep breath. She acted as if she was preparing for a tough crossing on which her life depended. In my opinion, she was exaggerating a bit, however, for me it was an everyday occurrence. Magic had existed forever and ever. But for her, this was something new. Even though she had already spent some time in the Underworld and had become accustomed to telekinesis many things continued to be new to her. She was like a child who sees snow for the first time. Eyes full of curiosity and a certain ray that is hard to extinguish.  I fully understood this. However, I also needed time to understand that what is normal for me is something magical for her. Literally.  

"Are you ready?" Alphys asked, watching her friend closely.   

Although she didn't show it, I knew Al was stressed too. Seemingly people didn't have magic anymore, however, you never know. The people who ended up here were not ordinary people. Bravery somehow passed the traps in the Ruins and broke into the laboratory. No one knew how. In the same way, Kindness handled the Ruins without a problem. Many of the traps required magic. Maybe people possessed something like it? And if someone can't control their magic then they are a danger. Magic is the soul. The soul is magic. At least in monsters. It is subject to all kinds of emotions. Virgin magic is dangerous because it is untamed. That's why young monsters are watched over to master the basics as quickly as possible. Concentration and calmness. Uncontrolled magic can do a lot of damage, more so than its unskillful use. I glanced at Kath. She had closed her eyes. I guess she wanted to help herself somehow this way. To visualize what she wanted to do. It must have been really strange and stressful for her. However, what happened most surprised me. I think it surprised all of us.   

A purple glow appeared around Kath's fingers. Barely visible, but still. I straightened up. Alphys looked at me. In her eyes I could see that familiar gleam. The flame that had just flared up and tormented her for many years. Neither of us dared to speak up. We didn't want to distract Katharina. We could see that she was concentrating as best she could. She still had her eyes closed. The glow around her hand shone stronger than before. With much more force and intensity. Even Papyrus, who was busy with the film, turned around. He wanted to say something, but with a hand gesture I ordered him to remain silent. I think he was as amazed as we were. He, too, realized that people DID NOT HAVE MAGIC. Then a purple glow surrounded the phone. There was far too much of it, but the possibility of breaking the phone didn't matter to us at the time. We had discovered something that was a phenomenon in monster science. Human magic could open up new possibilities for us, and most importantly get us out of the Underworld. Or at least contribute to it in some way. Maybe we didn't need human souls at all?   

The purple magic soared a few inches above the phone. It began to form into a flower-shaped pendant. After a while it appeared. It was surrounded by magic. He levitated a few centimeters above the phone.   

"Amazing!" shouted Papyrus suddenly.   

It knocked all of us out of the situation, especially Kath. The purple magic instantly disappeared, and the key ring fell on the table with a clatter. The teenager looked at us and then at the key ring on the table. She herself could not believe what she was seeing. She was totally shocked. Probably more than we were. She opened her mouth, but after a moment she closed it. I don't think she knew what to say at the moment. She looked at Alphys, then at me. She waited. This was one of the few moments in my life where I didn't know what to say. However, I knew what had to be done. My father had to know about this.   

"This is fantastic!" exclaimed Alphys, snapping everyone out of their reverie." Can you do it again?" She added quickly, watching Katharina closely.   

The teenager was slightly abashed looking at her friend. It was clear that she herself was surprised, or perhaps more terrified, by what she had done. She had used magic. The question was whether it was her own, or some side effect of the treatment. I couldn't risk something happening to her.   

 "Yes!" shouted Papyrus joyfully."Repeat it!”  

"No!" I interjected. Everyone looked at me. Alphys was probably a little angry. Paps was puzzled, and Kath relaxed. She rather didn't want to repeat it for now." We don't know if it's her magic or maybe a side effect of the magic treatment,” I replied." She might as well pass out to us in a moment or....  " What if it's just her magic? That's normal then,” interrupted Alphys. She stubbornly stood by her point. I understood that she had her theories. She understood them and insisted on them, but there were other options." The treatment could have awakened her!  

 "Exactly.  Think. Unstable awakened magic that will take years to stabilize,” I replied. I hoped that the gravity of the situation would reach her. Either magic poisoning or unstable. And it's hard to determine which is worse." Either magic poisoning and any use of magic can lead to harm,” I added.   

Either theory could have been plausible at the time. However, magic poisoning is easier to cure than to teach someone who has never had with magic. The gravity of the situation seemed to be slowly getting to Alphys. The initial excitement was giving way to doubt.   

 " It's best to investigate it right away,” I began.   

 "How to investigate?" Katharina asked in a slightly hoarse voice.   

 We visibly frightened her with our theories. She probably didn't understand much of what we were saying at the time.   

"It's nothing scary. It's enough to bring out your soul,” replied Alphys casually, turning to Kath.   

The teenager momentarily turned pale. We didn't know that people can't see their souls. And even more so that some don't believe in their existence. Not all information reached the Underground.    

 "Kath, it doesn't hurt,” Alphys added quickly, seeing the horror painted on Kath's face." I can show it to you on mine,” suggested the lizard woman.   

“Maybe we should tell Mr. Gaster about it, though?" Al's assurances did not particularly convince her.  

She preferred to see it with her own eyes. I don't blame her a bit. None of us came up with the idea of explaining the course of the battle to Kath. Between people or monsters, souls did not appear. They didn't come out. Only during mixed fights did human souls appear. It is not known what is caused by this difference. When a monster and a human fight, the human soul appeared before the human. It's just that the last human hit the Underworld several years ago. We simply forgot to tell her about it. Somehow there was no need. Alphys pulled out her soul. Above her hand levitated a small inverted heart. The essence of existence. Crystal white. Filled with love, pity and compassion. Delicate and fragile. Next to it were numbers. One spoke of the current level of HP life and the other of the level she had. However, human ones are different.    

"Now, can I check yours?" She asked while hiding her soul.   

Kath looked at her. She took a deep breath. She nodded as a sign that Alphys could begin. The lizard woman brought her hand close to Katharina's chest. A yellow glow appeared around Al's fingers, and a faint purple glow surrounded Kath's chest. Then a purple heart appeared. Katharina's stats looked okay. The level somehow cared little for us, we were more concerned about HP. With magic poisoning, it drops slowly with each use of magic.   

If it was indeed poisoning then the HP level should have dropped a few points, but it was within normal range. There should also be some visible cracks or discoloration indicative of foreign magic.  

This meant only one thing.   

 "Congratulations,” said a proud Alphys, smiling slightly." You have just awakened your magic. 

... 

"You are idiots," announced Gaster, facing us. We sat on the couch, listening to his lecture.  

He saw us pull out Kath's soul. Surprised, he asked what was going on. Then Papyrus replied that we suspected Katharina of being poisoned by magic. We didn't have time to say anything. Father immediately told us to stop. He said how dangerous it was, that we should call him right away. He still said something about the effects of taking out the soul during poisoning. However, I stopped listening to him. Instead, Katharina grew paler and paler. Father was able to beat a lying man. Not only was Kath horrified by our theories" at which one could still be wrong, but father's theories were another matter.   

"What's done is done," Father said, wrinkling his forehead. He always did this when he was upset about something. He walked around the room." Katharina, come on. I'll take you to the lab," he said, walking over to the coat rack. He took a bunch of keys out of his pocket." I will examine you properly," he added this time, looking at me.   

I was a little ashamed. I could have thought this through better. I didn't want to put Kath in danger, and I did it unconsciously.   

I stood up abruptly, heading towards my father.   

"I will go with you," I replied. However, my enthusiasm was quickly dampened by my father." I will give her encouragement together with Paps.   

  "No," Gaster said sternly. Fastening the buttons of his white apron.   

 "But..." I began, but my father silenced me with a hand gesture.   

At this point I had nothing to say. Father could not be persuaded when brought to the brink of patience. Neither I nor Papyrus knew any such trick.   

"I would like them to come with us," she said shyly." Alphys, too.”   

I guess Kath's terrified face and her glazed eyes convinced him then. He sighed heavily.   

 "So be it for you," said Gaster in a tired voice, creasing his eyebrows again.   

Alphys smiled. She stood next to Katharina, touching her shoulder as a sign of comfort. Paps ran up to Kath and grabbed her hand. He pulled her toward her father. Gaster put his hand on my shoulder. He tightened his fingers around my arm. I supposedly knew how to teleport on my own, but it was a long way from Snowdin to Core. I might not be able to make it. It was better if it was Father who teleported us all. He had no problems with it. After all, he was a Boss. A high-level monster. Father had many fights to his credit. However, he never told us about it, and when we started the topic he kept quiet. After a while we let it go and didn't ask about it again.   

 But going back.   

 In the blink of an eye we found ourselves in Father's laboratory. The light came on automatically. I squinted to avoid being blinded. A tall room with lots of pipes near the ceiling. Most of them were connected to the Core, but I don't really know what they were for. Part of them were responsible for cooling the Core, and the rest I don't know. Somehow I never took any interest in it. The rest of my father's workshop was occupied by tables collapsed with a mass of papers. Some of them were notes on his research. On one of them, in addition to the papers, were tools and some strange-looking devices. I didn't quite know what they were for. Against one wall were glass cabinets. They were all full of even stranger devices. All of them locked. Father walked away from us. He approached one of his posts. Paps and I had been here several times, so the appearance of this room did not surprise us. However, things were different for our female friends. They looked around, admiring everything. Alphys looked at everything with bated breath. She seemed to have forgotten why we came here. Kath, on the other hand, despite her initial interest, anxiety began to accompany her again. She tensed up. I approached her, putting my hand on her shoulder.   

"Hey, you don't have to worry about it so much," I said.   

She, in response, only smiled unwillingly.    

 "Kath, come here," my father called out, not even turning to us.   

 The teenage girl looked at me. I smiled encouragingly. We both approached my father. He pulled most of the papers to one side, so that there was relative order on one side. A microscope was lying there, as well as several syringes. Before either of us had time to say anything, Father began to explain to Kath what it would consist of.   

"It won't even hurt I'll just take your blood," Father said, taking the syringe out of the package." There is magic in the blood, but it is not visible to the eye. It is examined under this microscope. The magic particles in the blood resemble red blood cells a bit," he tapped his finger on the microscope, then took the syringe." Put out your hand," he instructed Katharina. The teenager rolled up her sleeve, giving her hand to Gaster. The man efficiently inserted the needle and drew blood. He removed the needle, handing Kath a cotton swab." And after a shout." He added by placing the blood on a glass plate. Katharina applied the swab to the wound, looking at her father in front of her shoulder.   

"What does an infection with magic look like?" asked the teenager timidly.   

"Magic in a healthy monster should flow freely. The magic particles should be the same size and shape," the father replied, continuing to work at the microscope." Infection, on the other hand, is the mixing of foreign magic with one's own magic. Foreign magic that is incompatible with one's own magic causes the particles to merge and become deformed, the father said.   

 "It's like with people and their blood types," Katharina stated.   

I honestly didn't really know what she meant by these groups. I was not very familiar with human anatomy. Such basics I knew, because several species of monsters had a similar structure, but none of us had blood. The father looked at the teenager for a moment. He looked as if he was trying to remember something.  

"In short, yes," he replied after a moment. He looked back at Kath's blood sample through the microscope. "Hm...”  

"What is that squint supposed to mean?" I asked.   

Father had a mannerism. When something caught his interest he would mutter under his breath. He had to be brought to the ground to say what it was about.   

"It's not an infection," he announced, pulling away from the microscope. At these words Alphys, who had been looking at some large machine in the corner of the room earlier, looked in our direction." It's a theory for now, but the magic treatment has somehow awakened Katharina's magic. I'll have to do more research," he added, getting up from the table. He headed toward one of the closets.   

"Wait!" I said, following him. "After all, it's impossible for people to have magic!" I replied." After all, you yourself thought so before!”  

“Sans" began his father. Whenever he started like this it was known that a serious conversation was preparing."Theories are theories. Some are subject to change. Others are undermined, and still others gain confirmation," said father, opening a glass cabinet."When you don't believe something and you have the facts in front of you then you have two choices", he continued his argument, looking for something. "You can deny the facts and pretend they don't exist," he said, turning to me."Or Accept them and expand your horizons", concluded my father, walking back toward Kath.   

She stood by her side excitedly. She was saying something about learning and getting excited about magic. Papyrus, on the other hand, was running around the lab looking at everything. Somehow he had little interest in what we were doing. Seemingly father was right that I should accept that Kath has magic. However, I was afraid of what was involved. Human magic apparently was in them all the time, but dormant and forgotten. Maybe that's why their souls could break the barrier.   

King Asgore had several human souls. They were to be used to open the barrier. The most my father knew about it. I doubted that he would do anything to Katharina. He was not that kind of person. But the discovery of magic in humans created new opportunities to destroy the barrier. I didn't want Kath to feel obliged to help us somehow. The barrier was our" the monsters'" problem. Even if Kath was stuck here, we couldn't use her that way. Besides, we didn't know how her magic would develop. She might as well have been very weak. I approached the rest. Father was explaining to Kath what he had found in her blood.   

"It is possible that the magic we gave you when you got here awakened your own. I don't know yet in what way. Maybe it was compatible with her to some degree," my father announced, placing some instruments on the table." It will take me a few days to determine as well as to check that your magic itself is not harmful when used," added Gaster, looking at the sample through a microscope." It will be safer if you don't try to use magic until then.  We should still have magic stabilizing pills at home.   

"Stabilizing magic?" Katharina asked, probably not fully understanding what my father was talking about.   

"When monsters have their magic awakened it is unstable. Young monsters can't use it," I began to explain." Magic is affected by their emotions and they can destroy something by accident. Therefore, until they learn to control it they get pills that do it for them," I added.  

"That's right," my father supported me, not taking his eyes off the microscope. He only looked at the sheets of paper and wrote something on them." One a day should be enough.  

...  

Today was a strange day. No. Strange is an understatement.   

I discovered my magic. It sounds so unreal. As if it's all a dream and I'm about to wake up. Only nothing like that is happening. This is now my new reality. I have to get used to it. Mr. Gaster told her not to try to use magic for now. He wants to study it better and find out if I can use it safely. I didn't understand much of what Mr. Gaster said about the stability of magic. He said he could explain it all to me again if necessary and answer any questions I had. Alphys is very excited about our discovery. She was very fascinated by it. She told me many of her theories about human magic and something called Determination. However, she didn't explain it to me. She was too caught up in her theories to be able to talk to her in any way. Papyrus didn't understand much of what happened in the lab. He's only a child, so it's normal for him not to be interested in such things. However, he was happy that he would be able to teach me magic.   

Sans, on the other hand...  

I'm not sure if he wasn't disappointed sometimes. Maybe more worried?   

When I asked him about it he would change the subject. I don't know what it is about my magic that makes Sans so worried. Maybe later he will tell me when he himself is ready. For now I'm not supposed to learn magic. Alphys convinced me to give the Underworld a second chance. We were to go to a less traveled place in the Underworld than the town of Snowdin. Alphys wanted to show me the Dump. It doesn't sound very inviting, but the name is supposedly misleading. The Dump is supposedly where things from my world go.   

Al reportedly found many interesting things there. She also managed to put together a computer from parts she found there. Sans also likes to go there. She finds new books on astronomy there, and Papyrus looks for new movies and toys. Some of these things are broken, but no one bothers to fix them. They have made me curious. I can't wait to go there.  

[periwinckles]

The Train Back to twelve - Chapter 18

(This is mainly a Thelly fic but I know some of you only want to read the Everlark bits. That is why I'm uploading the everlark chapters simultaneously to another work as well, to those of you that want to be saved from the Thelly drama. Enjoy.)

Week 10 - Katniss

When I wake up, the bed is empty beside me, and I sit up with a jolt. I'm always scared when I wake up and I don't see him right away, but the noise coming from the kitchen is enough reassurance.

He can't help himself from getting up early, and he beats me to it most of the time, but I'm still terrified every single time I wake up and he's not there. Of course I don't tell him this. He has enough burdens to carry and baking for the district is one of the few things that keeps him going.

When I reach the kitchen, I lean into one of the cabinets and silently observe him. He has his back turned to me, several loaves of bread already set aside on the counter, and several more inside the oven. He's still working on something, but it's not bread. I know his kneading movements by heart and that's not what he's doing right now.

The oven dings and when he opens it the familiar scent makes my mouth water.

"You made cheese buns?"

He's startled by my voice but quickly turns to a smile.

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?"

When I reach the counter I notice he has a tray set up, with a handful of berries I collected yesterday and some scrambled eggs sprinkled with rosemary. The plate is decorated with mustard flowers that he must have foraged close to Haymitch's backyard.

"The flowers are edible, I double checked your father's book. I know how particular you are with frivolous things." He tells me with a shy glance. Old Peeta would have smirked at this, maybe even given me a flirty wink. I need him to be back at his old self and sometimes I dare myself to believe he has. I told Dr Aurelius this the last time I talked to him and all he asked me was “Does it really matter if he never goes back to his old self? Are you going back to your old self?”

I guess not. But we still have this. Peeta making me cheese buns, like he used to.

"Is this for me? " I ask, but the answer is so obvious he doesn't bother to say it.

He finishes pouring the batter he was working with into a pan and placing it inside the oven.

"Is that a cake?" I ask curious as I try to catch a glimpse at the oven door.

"Yeah. Hum. Thom and Delly are coming for dinner tonight and I thought… Do you remember how last week he said he never tasted a birthday cake? I thought about making one for dessert today."

I smile at his thoughtfulness, and I am sure Delly will be delighted at his attempts to make Thom feel welcomed. This is just another thing that is so like old Peeta that it makes me hope again.

"So we're having birthday cake on a regular Friday?"

"That's the point of surviving isn't it? Enjoying life?" He asks me and we stay silent for a while. There are so many people who will never taste life again but I suppose he is right. That’s what surviving is all about isn’t it? Living?

"That cake is huge, I don't think the four of us can eat all of that." I tell him as he carefully places the cheese buns on the breakfast tray.

"Haymitch is coming too, he's been dying to have a chess match with Thom. And I thought they could take all the leftover cake back for the kids in camp. "

Peeta picks up the breakfast tray and then looks around unsure of himself.

"Well, you're out of bed now, so I guess the tray is useless…huh… do you want to…" He gestures to the kitchen table but an idea pops into my mind. He tried to do something special for me today and I don't want it to go to waste.

"Why don't we eat outside on the porch? It's nice today, and we'll get a bit of early morning sunlight."

The smile he gives me is so heartwarming that it's almost like I made him breakfast myself.

Peeta's house is the last one in Victor's village, and being on a high point means we get a full view of the forest. We watch it come to life as we savor each bite of our food.

"What day is it today?" I ask him. "I thought it was Thursday."

"It is." He tells me, popping a blueberry in his mouth.

That's strange, Delly and Thom usually come on Fridays. I ask him about it but he shrugs his shoulders in confusion as well.

"I don't know, I guess something must have come up and they can't make it tomorrow."

The wind picks up a bit, but other than that it's a beautiful spring day. Wildflowers are beginning to bloom everywhere. These were my mom’s favorite days as I would be able to gather most of her medicinal plants around this time of year.

"So what are your plans for the rest of the day? From the looks of it you already baked everything you needed to."

He looks at me with a smile and nods.

"Yeah, I was up early and I thought I might as well get that out of the way. I have to help for a bit, at the construction site this afternoon. Thom wants my help to draw some changes on the capitol’s blueprints for the buildings. Other than that, I'm free. "

Peeta has been back for more than a month now. We have breakfast and dinner together and we spend the nights together in the same bed, sometimes clinging to each other like the other’s arms was the only thing keeping us tethered to the world. But we never spend time together during the day.

"Do you want to come to the woods with me?" I ask him before I back down.

"For real?"

"Yeah, I don't have to hunt today, yesterday's spoil was big enough. I might still catch something for Sae, but you won't be a bother. We can bring the memory book and work on it for a bit, in the forest."

Read the rest on AO3

The train back to twelve

or

What would I do without you? (selected Everlark scenes from The train back to twelve)