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heartsoulspiritelite · 1 year

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Hook x Jungle boy

Warnings: Smut (blowjob and shi) idk its not very good but i should prob warn yall :0

Summary-

Hook was confused as hell. His bestfrie- no, former tag partner just left him. Just like that their history is all gone. Their friendship is ruined. What. the. actual. fuck. And to top it all off he lost his title. The only thing that proved he was something even though the stupid belt was worthless. Hook went to confront the man and lets just say their friends again ;) hehe

Why can you just tell me the truth?

Hook was confused as hell. His bestfrie- no, former tag partner just left him. Just like that their history is all gone. Their friendship is ruined. What. the. actual. fuck. He told Jack things, things he had never told anyone. He trusted Perry with a lot of things . He knew he shouldn't have opened up. This shit always happens to him, he can never catch a break.

and to top it all off he lost his title. The only thing that proved he was something even though the stupid belt was worthless. He always carried around his dad's history, his legacy and now all of a sudden the title is Jacks. Jack never ever took an interest in the belt so why the hell would he want it?

Hook wasn't scheduled for rampage or dynamite. So like anyone would obviously do he was going to stay home and sulk. Until he thought of Jack flaunting HIS title around acting like the baddest bitch in the place. That wasn't going to slide with Hook so of course he showed up anyways.

Walking into the building sucked. All the sympathy stares, he ignored all the looks and went to find Jungle b- Jack Perrys locker room. All he wants is answers. He is not letting Jack run from this. He deserves a god damn explanation.

Mid way to his journey to the locker room he saw a vending machine selling all kinds of chips so he took short stop and stuffed the two bags of chips into his hoodie pocket for later there and continued his journey.

He found his targets lockeroom and busted the door open.

Jack turned around from unpacking things looking surprised.

"What the fu-" Jack started

"Shut up Jack you dont get to talk like that. The only words you can say to me are the words explaining what the fuck is going on" He slightly yelled

Jack froze slightly when he realized Hook was blocking the exit so he couldnt leave.

"i dont owe you shit. I never wanted to be your friend. Now fucking move before i punch you."

"Oh im so scared Jack. Why cant you just tell me the truth. Ive told you things. Now your gonna blackmail me and act like we weren't friends? Was it a lie the whole time?. you were my only friend- my bestfriend." His voice nearly cracking and faultering at the end of his sentance

"I trusted you Jack! You know i have troubles doing that. Why the hell do even want that belt you could've just asked me" He continued, his voice getting stronger

"Listen could you just move so i can leave" Jack pleaded

Hook glared at him and kept staring him in the eye until Jack gave up and all the fight left his body

He saw Jack look at his lips then looked him up and down while his eyes started watering while backed up to sit on the bench behind him.

Hook froze once realized.. It was never about the belt...

"Listen im sorry okay.. please stop" Jack whispered desperately staring Hook in the eyes

Hook slowly walked over until he was infront of Jack, Towering over him he whispered

"Thats what this is all about?"

He should've known all the lingering touches and stares. He felt the same about the other man but he would never dare to open his mouth and say anything.

Jacks eyes widened and he quickly looked away avoiding Hook's eyes.

"No" He denied still avoiding Hook's stare

He was getting really nervous, Hook could tell.

Hook bent down lightly and grabbed Jack's chin forcing the man to look up at him and kissed him.

Jack was shocked but quickly kissed back grabbing at Hook's hair.

Hook fell into Jack's lap and straddled him. They continued to make out until Jack started kissing the younger mans neck while he grinded down on his lap making both men moan.

The older man lifted hook up carried him to the wall and pinned him against it making Hook gasp.

"Always had a feeling you secretly a bottom" He whispered in his eye mockingly

"Shut up" He whined slightly while blushing

They started to make out again while touching each others bodies all over desperately making up for all the missed time. They removed eachothers shirt/hoodie and threw them to god knows where.

Jack started kissing down Hooks torso until he reached the top of his pants smirking at the outline of his hardened cock. He looked up for permission while dropping down onto his knees. Seeing Hook all blissed out made his own cock harden even more. The man above him nodded and started whining when Jack was taking too long.

"Please.. Jack Please.. i've waited so long" He practically begged while his hips jerked foward involantarily.

"Okay, okay" He chuckled

He slowly removed his pants until the reached his ankles then he brought his hand up and started palming Hooks clothed covered cock.

"You like that darling?"

Hook nodded fast

He removed his hand from his Hooks dick and looked up at him.

"Words, love"

"Yes. I love it. Fuck- yes please Jack keep going" He yelled frusterated while grabbing at Jack's hair

Jack quickly pulled down Hook's underwear making the man hiss slightly.

He rubbed his hand up and down his dick a couple times before he licked a line down from the top off his balls to his tip making the man above him whimper and shiver.

He took his dick into his mouth and licked around it and swallowed him down.

He then hollowed out his mouth and started bobbing his head while staring up at him making Hook a complete mess. Moaning and gasping, making his cock harden more by the second.

"Jack oh my god" Hook Cried

Hook grabbed at Jacks at head and started pushing him down forcibly making Jack choke slightly.

Jack grabbed at his ass and squeezed his and kneaded it, lightly smacking it, making Hook blush more which almost seemed impossible.

Hook was coming closer to his release, Jack could tell and started bobbing his head faster down half his dick while jerking off the other half at the same pace.

Hook practically screamed out in pleasure and came down jacks throat.

Jack swallowed down every drop and pulled off shocked, not because of Hook coming down his throat. He's just shocked because of the reactions he got from the man.

Hook got shy all of sudden and wouldn't meet Jack's eyes once he rose back onto his feet.

"All shy now huh?"

"i-i" He was speechless so he did the only thing that seemed right in the moment and flipped them around and pulled Jacks pants and underwear down releasing his worked up dick causing jack to moan.

He started sucking on Jack's dick immediately grasping at his ass.

jack didn't last long since he was so worked up. Hook pulled off before Jack came and finished jerking him off so he would come all over his face making Jack look down at him shocked while becoming more flushed by the second.

both were breathing heavy just staring at one another until Hook rose onto his feet and wiped the cum of of his face and put into his mouth and sucked on his finger, while staring into jack's eyes.

Once he finished all he could do was hug the naked man. They squeezed each other hard and trembled.

"What do we do now?" Hook whispered

"I dont know but im so sorry for hurting you i just didn't know what else to do" He apolagized

"Its alright, dont worry"

Both men got into the shower and then got dressed, When they arrived at Jack's hotel the two of them cuddled each other until the next morning when they could talk about where they stand with one another, But for now the two are just gonna sleep all their worries away knowing that they have each other again.

~Cross-posted on wattpad & ao3~

#junglehook #oneshot #aew imagine #jungle boy #hook #smut #dynamite200

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blue-lions-baby · 4 years

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Operation Confession (Dimitri x F!Reader) [Ch. 3] [FINALE]

hi!! well, this is it. the final chapter of operation confession. to be very honest, with everything going on it was quite difficult to write this, but i hope the quality is still relatively the same as my previous chapters! i had so much fun writing this series, and i hope reading it was just as entertaining! thank you so much for sticking with it-- it means the absolute world to me :)

this will prob be my last post for a bit before i head off to college; please rest assured i do not plan to leave this blog or this wonderful community anytime soon! thank you for being patient with me as i adjust to this very new chapter of my life!!

without further ado, please enjoy ch. 3!

~*~

“Hey, false alarm!” Sylvain traipsed back in, hands behind his head. “(F/N) and Felix are actually gonna freshen up a bit before heading to dinner.”

Groans and angry huffs spilled out of the frazzled Lions; the menacing stares that the redhead bore made him squeak, and he cleared his throat.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry! They ran into us while His Highness was changing--”

“While he was changing?” Dedue and Ingrid looked like they were about to have a stroke.

“I-It’s a long and,” Sylvain looked at The Hand, “painful story, but what’s important is that they didn’t see him! All thanks to Yours Truly.”

“You were a blubbering idiot. The only reason why (F/N) didn’t bother questioning you further was because she was too tired to care.” Felix joined in, the permanent scowl on his features deepening.

“Felix!” Sylvain’s countenance lit up joyfully before hazing into confusion. “Wait, I thought you were gonna freshen up before heading to dinner.”

“I don’t need to. Hardly broke a sweat during training.”

“W-What?! How?!”

“I guess you wouldn’t understand, seeing as how your only form of exercise is chasing after anything that wears a skirt.”

Sylvain’s eyes took on a glossy, hollow quality as the Lions hollered in laughter.

“Uh... So Sylvain, where’s His Highness?” Asked Annette, having expected him to walk in.

“Oh, he ran back to his quarters to put his clothes away. He should be coming back any minute now.”

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

After neatly hanging his uniform in his closet and giving himself a quick once-over in the mirror, he gave himself one last pep talk before swinging the door open and--

Seeing the side of your head as you idly engaged in conversation with a fellow student.

Oh Sothis, help him.

As quickly (and loudly) as he opened the door, he closed it and promptly went back inside to scream into his pillow. Where in the world did you even come from? Weren’t you supposed to be ‘freshening up?’ Your quarters weren’t even down this hallway; what in the Goddess’s name were you even doing here?

He pressed his ear further into the door, straining to pick up bits and pieces of your conversation in hopes to inform himself on your sudden visitation. Nothing. All he could hear was muffled banter bouncing between either of you-- muffled banter that didn’t sound like it was going to end any time soon. He screamed curses in his head and awkwardly slid down onto the floor, lightly banging his cranium against the solid wooden door.

He desperately wished for someone, anyone to save him.

He sighed while rubbing his temples-- a desperate attempt to quell the arising headache. Dimitri combed through his options, each less viable than the last. After eliminating any and all half-baked ideas of escape, he was face-to-face with the one option he didn’t want to consider.

Sit here and wait until you left.

So Dimitri sat (more like paced) in his room, occasionally pressing his ear against the door in hopes that he didn’t hear your lighthearted banter outside. Why was it the one time he didn’t want to run into you, there you were! Right outside his door. You might as well have come with a giant bow on your head!

The floor beneath him rumbled slightly, pulling him from his thoughts; the even pacing grew stronger and stronger until it stopped just a little ways past his door.

“(F/N).”

Wait... That’s... It’s unmistakable! That has to be--!

“Dedue! Hello!”

“I apologize for the interruption, but I have come to remind you that it is your turn to tend to the greenhouse today.”

A short pause ensued, followed by an audible gasp.

“Wait, yes! You’re right! I’ve completely forgotten, thank you so much for reminding me!”

Dimitri heard muffled apologies and goodbyes sputter out of your lips, followed by light footsteps scurrying away. Your former companion proceeded to engage in very light talk with the Duscur man before quickly excusing themselves from the scene; Dedue, glancing down the hall to ensure that no one else was nearby, approached and gently rapped his lord’s door with calloused knuckles.

“Your Highness, you may come out now.”

The inner mechanisms of the door clicked softly, the hesitancy of the room’s occupant translating directly through the brass knob.

“Oh, thank the Goddess you came, Dedue. Frankly, I had given up any hope of escape.” Dimitri rubbed the back of his neck tiredly.

“I knew something was wrong when you did not return. I am glad that I came.” Dedue gave a curt bow.

“Thank you Dedue. Come. Let us head to the dining hall, shall we?”

“Of course, Your Highness. (F/N) should be preoccupied with her greenhouse duties for a time.”

“Yes... Actually, Dedue, how did you know it was (F/N)’s turn to tend to the greenhouse today?”

“Truthfully, Your Highness, I didn’t. It was pure luck she was scheduled today.”

“You mean--” Dimitri’s eyes widened.

“Yes. That was just a fluke. I have no knowledge of the schedule, other than the times either you or I are assigned.”

“Hah!” Dimitri’s hand landed on his retainer’s shoulder. “What luck! After hearing that, I can not help but feel a bit more confident about tonight.”

“And why is that, Your Highness?”

“If fate is as real as the ground beneath us, I would say that, perhaps, (F/N) and I are truly meant to be together.”

“That is quite a romantic notion, Your Highness.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Dimitri sighed as they crossed the threshold to the outside. The sun was just starting its descent past the hills; the slowly extinguishing rays of light brushed the sky with vibrant hues of vermilion and marigold.

“Despite that, I can not help but feel... hopeful. And... happy.”

“I am glad that this whole experience has collectively been a pleasant one, Your Highness.” Dedue responded as they neared the dining hall. “You deserve to be happy.”

Dedue’s words echoed in Dimitri’s head, ringing alongside Sylvain’s previous sentiment. Guilt wrung his heart until the familiar pangs of remorse pounded in his chest.

“Do I... Do I really deserve such a thing?”

“Without a doubt, Your Highness.”

“Even after everything that I’ve done... Even after... everything... I still... deserve it?”

“Of course, Your Highness. You deserve to be happy, just like everybody else.”

As the duo ascended the stairs and approached the Lions that were all congregated together for Dimitri’s cause, the prince’s features relaxed and-- just for a moment-- the voices that incessantly plagued his thoughts ceased.

“Thank you, Dedue.”

“I am always happy to help, Your Highness.” Like his prince, Dedue’s rough exterior melted away to reveal a warm, genuine smile.

“Hey, there you are!” Sylvain bounded up to them, meeting them halfway across the platform. “We were gettin’ worried about you! What happened?”

After Dimitri and Dedue explained what transpired, Sylvain couldn’t help but laugh at the terrible wonderful luck that Dimitri possessed.

"Dedue really got you out of a tough spot, huh?”

“As he always does.” Dimitri cast a grateful look at his retainer.

“I was shocked when I learned that (F/N) was actually scheduled today.”

“What were you gonna do if she wasn’t?” Sylvain queried.

Dedue paused thoughtfully.

“Perhaps I could have asked her to help me weed the courtyard, or to tend the horses.”

“Fair enough.” Sylvain nodded. “Well, it’s getting late so people are starting to leave the dining hall. Hopefully by the time (F/N) is done tending the plants, you two will be all alone.”

Sylvain wriggled his eyebrows and peered cheekily at the reddening face of the prince.

“Please do not be so nervous, Your Highness. (F/N) will surely appreciate all the effort you had put in.”

“Yeah!” Sylvain propped an arm on Dimitri’s shoulder. “Remember what I told you, Your Highness? You’re the leader of the Blue Lions! Start actin’ like your namesake! You gotta be bold!”

“R-Right. Bold.” Truthfully, Dimitri looked anything but; however, this only prompted a deluge of much-needed encouragement and hype that the two happily supplied-- Sylvain taking a more... fiery approach to his psyching while Dedue slightly doused the ecstatic flames set by the redhead with more grounded assurances.

“Now remember, Your Highness. Look her in the eyes, smile, and tell her that she’s beautiful. Like this!” Sylvain turned to Dedue, who suddenly became an unwilling participant in the playboy’s example.

“Hey, babe. You look gorgeous tonight. I gotta admit, I’m no mathematician, but I can still see you’re a ten outta ten.”

“Please get away from me ... Thank you, Sylvain.”

Dimitri stared at the duo with a confused fixed smile plastered on his face. The gears in his head took their sweet, sweet time to churn and process the cursed pick-up line, but it eventually clicked.

“Hah! I get it now! That’s a great one, Sylvain. I’ll definitely remember that.”

A flush of pride stained Sylvain’s cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Thanks! Oh, here’s another one. This one’s also super popular with the ladies.”

Sylvain cleared his throat and turned to Dedue, who was quietly trying to shuffle away.

“Hey, hun. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“If that is the case, perhaps it would be in your best interest to stop looking at me.” Dedue lightly glared. Dimitri’s eyes crinkled gleefully.

“Ah, these are all wonderful! I look forward to using them on (F/N).”

“Great! But remember Your Highness-- too much of a good thing is a bad thing. You can’t just spout a couple lines like that and expect her to fall for you instantly. You gotta do it tastefully.”

“Tastefully... Got it.”

Dimitri nodded his head, soaking and digesting this newfound knowledge. His eyes suddenly shot up, excitement bubbling out of its watery depths.

“Oh! It appears that I have come up with something!”

“Go for it, Your Highness!”

“I’ve got no taste, but I’d still like a bite of you.”

. . .

“Sylvain?”

. . .

“Dedue?”

. . .

“... Perhaps the map one wasn’t so terrible after all.”

“You said it, Dedue.”

“Wha--! Surely it wasn’t that atrocious, was it?”

“I believe it would serve His Highness well if you taught him more pick-up lines, Sylvain.”

“Sure. Whatever it takes to keep him from saying stuff like that.”

“H-Hey!!!”

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

After sprinkling the few remaining drops of water onto a patch of slightly wilting plants, you dropped the empty watering can with a clatter and threw your arms high above your head, stretching all the bundles and ties that knotted in your shoulders. Your stomach gurgled and a pulse of hunger radiated throughout your core. Perhaps it wasn’t the brightest idea to completely skip your meals.

You placed the watering can in the shed and, making sure everything was as orderly as it could be, stalked out of the greenhouse while still massaging the few stubborn knots that remained tied in your muscles. The sun had long disappeared below the horizon; whatever light remained served only as a prelude to the beginnings of a starry night.

A nippy breeze nibbled your exposed skin, contrasting the slightly humid atmosphere that you’ve grown accustomed to in the greenhouse. Teeth chattering and tummy churning, you hastened your feet to move faster to the brightly lit dining hall.

As you approached the door, you were pleasantly surprised to see that the hall was practically empty, save for some guards and faculty sneaking in a nightly snack-- but even they didn’t linger for long. As you were racking your brain for ideas on what to eat, you walked into the warm building; the ambrosial aroma of succulent, roasted duck caught your attention immediately.

To say that you didn’t shed a small tear from the experience would be a lie.

You scouted and scoured the kitchen for the fowl of your dreams, but it eluded you. Where in the world could this duck--

“A-Ahem.”

You had come dangerously close to collapsing from shock.

Your body jumped and slowly turned around to face the owner of the voice.

“Good evening, (F/N). You look as radiant as ever.”

A young man wearing a white suit decorated with small pins and medals stood before you. Gloved, quivering fingers delicately brushed the lone strands of hair that slipped onto his forehead to the side.

“D-Dimitri...? Is that you?”

“Ah y-yes, it is I. Please forgive me if I had surprised you.”

“N-Not at all!” You replied, your cognitive processes hiccuping at the sight of this magnificent angel. The light from the torch gently surrounded the prince with an almost ethereal quality, rendering him simply divine. The corner of his lips turned up slightly, pulling his handsome features into a half-smirk.

“Please, allow me to escort you to our table.”

“O-Okay...”

He took a step towards you and his eyes flickered down; you followed his gaze and saw his slightly shaking hand slowly reaching for yours.

“May I...?”

Whether it was a simple case of the jitters or the excitement bubbling from within, it didn’t matter much as you enthusiastically clasped your hand in his. Dimitri froze in place, every muscle in his being stiffening at that small point of contact. However, he managed to get his racing pulse (somewhat) under control-- just enough to pull you into a stiff walk at least.

“Please follow me, (F/N).”

The pounding in Dimitri’s heart found its way into his ears, drumming and thundering an aggressive beat. He never knew that fear and glee could intertwine so readily with one another-- until he felt your hand gently press into his palm. Worries and questions and warmth spurred his thoughts into a hazy flurry of emotion. Was he squeezing too hard? Was he holding your hand correctly? Were you at all uncomfortable? Oh Goddess, you look so beautiful when you smile like that--

“Ah! Dimitri, what is all this?”

“W-Well,” Dimitri swallowed what felt like a boulder, “it is our dinner.”

“Our... Dinner...?”

“Yes. Um...” His locked fingers reluctantly separated from yours. “We have prepared a roasted duck, a fine, savory pastry called ‘garlic bread,’ a simple salad, and baked sweets made by Mercedes. I pray this is enough to whet your appetite.”

“You whet my appetite Everything looks so good...” You swallowed thickly, eyes resting heavily on the succulent fowl. “Heh, well... I actually didn’t eat at all today, so--”

“I beg your pardon?!” You blinked and immediately found yourself sitting in front of the palatable entrees. Dimitri’s countenance-- full of concern and tinged with anger-- stared at you from across the sea of food.

“You mustn’t skip meals. That is terribly unhealthy for you.”

“You’re one to talk, Dimitri!” You laughed. “You skip meals all the time!”

Dimitri’s visage fell and his entire face took on all shades of red.

“I... admit, I am not one to berate you on this matter, but regardless, I ask that you still heed my warnings... You should never skip meals.”

Giggling to yourself, you rested your chin on folded hands and your head tilted slightly. That, combined with your killer smile and rosy cheeks, introduced Dimitri’s palpitating heart to a livelier pace.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do my best not to skip meals.”

“Urgh-- Yes! Please... don’t.”

Your lips curved into a smile and your eyes lustily darted to the food in front of you.

“Well, let’s dig in, shall we?”

You, of course, immediately reached for the duck-- as did Dimitri.

Your hands collided en route to the silver cutlery by the fowl, and a fountain of apologies spewed out of either of you. Dimitri, somehow managing to awkwardly bounce back from the innocent error, cleared his throat and took this opportunity to impress you with his... gentlemanly charms.

“Please excuse me, (F/N). Allow me to cut a slice for you.”

“Oh! Well, um... sure?”

Dimitri’s fingers rounded the shiny handles of the knife and fork before cutting into the tender meat. Delectable smells spilled forth from the bird, eliciting a growl from your stomach-- a... very, very loud growl. A growl that was loud enough for Dimitri to stop and look up.

“Uh... I’d like to apologize...” You mumbled ashamedly, your cheeks growing hot to the touch.

Dimitri chuckled, slipping a thick slice of duck onto your plate along with a small bushel of salad, a few pieces of garlic bread, and some sweets.

“Do not worry, my Beloved. I know you haven’t eaten all day.”

You smiled, graciously accepting your plate filled to the brim with food. You cut the slice of meat into more manageab--

Wait...

‘Beloved?’

It seemed that Dimitri realized his mistake around the same time you did.

“Dimitri--”

“Er, (F/N)! Aside from this morning, how was your day?”

“Huh? I-I mean it was fine, but Dimitri--”

“Ah, splendid! I am glad your day had gotten better. I was really worried when you suddenly left class like that.”

“Dimitri,” you cut in, “did you just call me... your... ‘Beloved?’“

Dimitri simply sat there as his brain was fried and shriveled into a crisp.

“W-Well, uh, I-- You see-- I deeply apologize for-- That was, very inappropriate of me--”

“Oh! No, no, it’s okay... Um, I was just a bit surprised is all.” You brought your cup to your lips in a pathetic attempt to cover the bashful grin that threatened to escape.

“Ah... Of course...” Dimitri stabbed a small tomato with the prongs of his fork and shoveled it into his mouth, his cheeks seeming to absorb the color of the little red berry.

You cleared your throat and thumbed the surface of a macaron with light fingers, a heavy silence blanketing the table. The quietly screaming royal took a bite of some garlic bread, his brain hardly processing the soft, fluffy texture of the dish.

Dimitri’s eyes widened inconspicuously, his mind flashing to the one thing that could save this dumpster fire of a date from certain demise--

His pick-up lines.

He could only pray that you were a fan of such things.

He cleared his throat and borderline slammed his fists onto the table, rocking a handful of mini cupcakes from their tiered seats. You quite literally jumped in your seat and got caught in the fierce stare of your house leader.

He can do this.

Come on, Dimitri! Remember your training with Sylvain!

He can do this.

Be a lion! Be bold!

He can do this!

“A-Are you ten? Because y-you look lost and I’d like to bite you.”

. . .

If-- in that moment-- Dimitri were to suddenly be thrown onto the path of a charging chariot, he would make no effort to move.

Simultaneously, you were well on your way to combusting into open flames-- if your swiftly coloring cheeks were any indication of that.

Neither of you spoke for a long time, gawking at the other in a silent, unconscious contest to see who could reach strawberry red first.

And Dimitri was the unwilling winner.

“I--”

“You--”

“I am so--”

“What did you--?”

“I am so, so sorry--”

“You want to bite me--?”

“Oh Goddess, I am so sorry (F/N)-- I can explain--”

“U-Um, perhaps it would be best for me to go...”

“Wait!” Dimitri shot out of his seat with a clatter. “I-- um--”

“Goodnight, Dimitri.”

You made a mad dash for the door, leaving the flustering royal a metaphoric fish out of water.

“(F/N)!”

He tailed after you, the delicious food that he and all the other Lions labored to prepare becoming a distant memory.

The sun and any trace of it had all but vanished from sight, replaced by its nightly counterpart. You were speed walking to the stairs when your wrist was snagged by a firm grip.

"(F/N)...!”

“Dimitri, listen, I really appreciate the food and everything, but I really should get going now--”

“Wait, please! I...” He gulped, finally throwing caution to the wind. “I love you.”

Your heart had stopped beating altogether and your lungs ceased operations. Your clenched jaw prohibited you from speaking, and you simply stared at him as those three simple words resonated in your mind.

“Er, that is to say...” He sighed, resignation taking hold of his features. “Can we... talk about this please?”

He loosely pointed to a nearby bench shaded under a tall tree. His hard grip softened, moving to interlace his fingers with yours as he led the two of you to the secluded spot. He sat with a deep exhale and pulled you beside him.

“(F/N).” He gazed at you steadily, his fingers rubbing shallow circles into your hands. “It is no exaggeration on my end to say that you mean everything to me. I-- along with the other Lions-- labored to make tonight the best it could be. Though truthfully, I never imagined my confession would turn out like this. But alas...”

Dimitri chuckled tiredly then sighed.

“I’m afraid I can’t hide my feelings for you a moment longer. I love you, (F/N). With all of my being. You motivate me to work harder, train harder-- to be a better man. You are so kind, and smart, and... absolutely mesmerizing. I can not keep my eyes off you, really.”

He laughed at your sheepish response then continued.

“You mean the world to me. So... I humbly ask that you... Um...” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice to a husky whisper. “Be mine.”

A gentle breeze swept through, carrying his small plea along with it. He stared at you, intensely and unblinkingly, with bated breath.

“Although,” he added, pain thinly veiled in his eyes, “if you do not feel the same way, I understand. I promise I will not hold anything against you. If it’s not too much trouble, I... I hope we can still be friends after all this--”

You dove straight into Dimitri’s arms, effectively knocking his words and the air right out of him. You felt his muscles tighten and the thumping in his chest blared loudly in your ears. You nuzzled your face into him and looked up, smiling.

“I love you too, Dima!”

D-Dima...?!

Poor Dimitri looked like he was about to choke. The little streams of moonlight that slipped through the holes in the trees reflected off of the prince’s reddening face; for a long time, all he could do was stare at you-- cheeks darkening and eyes widening.

Finally, the Goddess re-granted him the ability to speak.

“R-Really...?”

“Yes! Yes, I do!” Your arms moved from his torso to snake around his neck, pulling him a bit more to your level. “I love you, Dimitri. I’ve loved you for so long...”

You drew him into a hug again, burying your face in the crook of his neck. The crisp, sharp scent of his cologne flooded your senses, sending pleasant tingles and goosebumps throughout your body. You felt the prince’s arms wound around your frame, pulling you closer to his racing heart.

“If this is a dream, I wish to never wake.” He muttered into your hair, thankful that he could appreciate the light apple notes that came from it to the fullest.

“This isn’t a dream, Dimitri.” You whispered against his skin, causing a sweet shiver to run down his spine. “I love you, Dimitri. I love you so, so much...”

“My (F/N)... My Beloved...” He pulled away from you slightly, cupping your cheeks in his hands and brushing it gently. He could hardly contain all the love and pure adoration he held towards you; the way that you and only you reflected in his beautiful eyes showed that. With a gentle smile he pressed his forehead against yours, relishing the moment.

“May I... May I have the honor of kissing you, my love?”

His hot breath tickled your sensitive skin and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sensation, in addition to his endearingly adorable politeness.

“Yes, you may.”

Dimitri’s eyes flickered to your slightly parted, wet lips and leaned closer, his eyes fluttering shut. You followed suit, guided only by the synchronous beating of your hearts. A warmth like no other blossomed upon your lips, melting any and all tension into nothingness. Your lips engaged in a clumsy yet heartfelt dance, eliciting an airy chortle out of you.

Dimitri’s chest rumbled with a chuckle of his own and he parted to catch his breath. Not a moment later, his lips found yours again and again, more ravenous than the last. Each kiss left your head spinning faster and your heart wanting more, more, more. His teeth nibbled your bottom lip, drawing out a gasp from you; his fingers found residence in your hair as he slipped his hot tongue into your mouth. He explored your wet cavern excitedly, every one of his senses wracked with newfound pleasure. Your moans and sharp breaths intertwined heatedly, sending your thoughts into a frenzy and numbing oblivion all at once.

The chatter of guards and metal boots clanking against cobble spurred warning bells in your head, and a painful reminder of how exposed you were for any curious passerby. Dimitri reluctantly leaned away, still pressing his lips to yours until the last possible moment.

“Ahem... M-My apologies... I got a little too excited just now...” Dimitri panted, a dazed yet elated expression on his face. You, panting as hard as he, shook your head in response and pressed a chaste kiss on his forehead, down to his nose, his cheek, and finally stopping at his flushed, pink lips.

“Not a problem, Dimitri. I know you mentioned you wanted to bite me.” You gazed at him teasingly.

“T-That’s...” Dimitri sighed, burying his face in your neck to hide his blush (though how hot his skin felt against yours was all the confirmation you needed). “Please don’t tell anyone what I said...”

You snickered and patted his head, smiling when you felt him relax into your touch.

“Okaaay, I promise.”

“Good. Thank you, (F/N).”

He pulled away from your neck and adjusted himself into a more comfortable seating position. He securely placed his arm around your shoulder and you both sat in comfortable silence for a long time.

“It’s getting quite late, no?” Dimitri mumbled out of the blue. “Allow me to walk you back to your room.”

“Actually, Dima... Do you think we can go back and finish dinner? I’m still really hungry...”

“O-Oh! I have completely forgotten about that! Yes, of course we can. Although... Regrettably, our food would have gotten cold by now.”

“That’s okay. Being with you warms my heart anyways.”

“Ah-- Um--” Dimitri coughed, looking away. “I confess that your teasing will take some getting used to... But it is a pleasant thing nonetheless.”

You giggled as he stood up and helped you to your feet.

”Hey, Dimitri?”

“Yes, my Beloved?”

“I love you.”

Dimitri planted a soft kiss on your forehead and stared fondly into your eyes.

”I love you too, (F/N).”

bonus: despite swearing to himself that he would *never* use pick-up lines ever again (its powers being too great for any mortal to fully wield), dimitri would still indulge a line or two for you if you asked him hard enough (and swore on your life you would never divulge what he shared with you to anyone else). and yes, when you two eventually got more comfortable with each other, he did get a bite of you from time-to-time but that’s a story for another day.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h dimitri #fe3h #dimitri fire emblem #dimitri x reader #fluff #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem x reader #x reader fanfiction #x reader insert #i had to pull so many all nighters for this one #hopefully the quality didn't tank or anything IJSDLFJLSDJF #fire emblem three houses fanfiction

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hisakata-resutomoshibi · 4 years

Text

Altered States

Oh hey there, so I accidentally wrote a whole fic for that comic I made a few days ago LOL

The eighth time Kuro flinched when Mahiru looked at him, he snapped.

"What's your problem?!"

Kuro peered at him over the top of his manga, looking for all the world, guilty.

"Nothing."

"What a load of bullshit!" Mahiru exclaimed, throwing the dish rag back into the sink. "Every time you look at me you cringe like someone's kicked you!"

Laying his head down on the table, Kuro closed his eyes and sighed gustily. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do!" Mahiru stomped over to where he sat and slammed a hand on the table. "And I'm sick of it!"

The force of the gesture bounced Kuro's forehead against the rough grain surface and he grimaced, gingerly touching the red spot that had formed. Mahiru frowned and tucked his hands behind his back.

"Sorry."

"S'ok." Kuro mumbled, hunching back over as he looked everywhere around the dark kitchen but at Mahiru. "It's to be expected."

"Is it?" He asked, surprised. Behind him the clock ticked over the new hour, three AM, and the coffee pot beeped on.

"Of course." Kuro muttered sourly. "What do you expect when your strength is suddenly a hundred times what it was?"

Mahiru crossed his arms, thinking as he tapped a finger against his inner forearm. "I dunno. I guess I figured I'd just kind of.... get it?" He laughed and shrugged, pulling out a chair and sitting facing Kuro's tense form. "So is there something I should be doing? To learn better?"

Kuro finally glanced at him, his eyes wide in what looked like disgust. "How can you be so nonchalant about this?" He demanded, lips twisting in a way that had Mahiru feeling rather sick to his stomach.

"What do you mean? There's nothing to do but get used to it, right?"

Suddenly, Kuro jumped up, his chair screeching back as he stepped away from the table. "Mahiru." He spit harshly. "You're dead.

"Mahiru watched him calmly, arms resting on the table in front of him. From the corner of his eye he noticed he'd forgotten to switch the brew strength to strong. "Not really." He said casually. "I'm still sitting here, talking and doing the dishes."

Kuro crept farther away, shaking his head softly from side to side. "No. It's not the same." As he reached the threshold of the kitchen, he actually tripped, his heel catching on the jut of the carpeting and he stumbled. His arm shot out, bracing against the archway and he clenched his teeth so hard, Mahiru heard it from across the room. "You'll see." With those dubious words, he slipped around the corner and melted into the blanketed shadows of the living room.

Unsure whether Kuro had turned into his swifter cat form, or had just bolted down the hall, Mahiru stood slowly, pacing over to the coffee pot and punching the brew button. The little green light immediately flipped to red and he sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What's wrong with you two?" Misono asked, waving his finger idly over several different chess pieces as he decided which to move.

"What do you mean?" Mahiru asked nervously, his eyes tracking the movement of Misono's finger, and consequently the gentle flow of blood through the thin veins.

Misono glanced up, his brow raised, completely unimpressed. "Don't play dumb with me. That idiot cat won't come within ten feet of you." When Mahiru remained silent, he continued. "He used to drape himself over you like an out of date smoking jacket. What's wrong?"

Twirling his fingers around each other, nervously, Mahiru rolled his shoulders in surrender. "What do you think?" He flicked his red gaze up to Misono and blinked.

Misono, to his credit, did not flinch, but his eyes did narrow momentarily. "I would think he would be relieved."

This was a new take on it to Mahiru and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Why do you say that?" He refused to let his expression change when Misono touched a piece, peering over at him to see if he found it worrisome.

Scoffing, Misono finally pushed his knight forward. "Oh, please. Do you have any idea what kind of state that bastard would be in if you had died? The town would be destroyed, no doubt." He tapped his fingers against the table a moment and sat back, satisfied. "And I imagine-" he fixed Mahiru with a look "- it's because he's rather fond of you."

Mahiru waved a hand through the air in dismissal. "Of course he's fond of me. It's been three years."

Misono rolled his eyes. "Not at all what I was referring to."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Let's just leave it with this- I think it likely that Kuro feels responsible for you, in more than one way. No doubt he's feeling guilty for not protecting you."

"How long did Lily have to coach you to get that right?" Mahiru asked humorously, ignoring the glare he got in return. "Besides, I'm fine." He gestured down at himself. "Here I am, all limbs intact and breathing!"

Misono paused, staring at him as though he were an idiot. "I don't think they see it the same way we do, Mahiru." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So, you're upset that I'm not human anymore?"

After a dizzying amount of thought, Mahiru had decided that the simplest approach was best, and that meant cornering Kuro when he least expected it and just going straight for the kill, as it were. He had bided his time, pretending not to be upset every time Kuro flinched back from him, or turned away, and waited until after dinner. Kuro was sprawled across the couch with his usual lack luster enthusiasm and Mahiru had used the distraction of a new drama series to make two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. It was unlikely, but he hoped that the drink would prove a useful deterrent in Kuro claiming a busy schedule to go running off again.

Jumping at the question as though shocked, Kuro dropped the remote, his gaze, for the first time in days, meeting Mahiru's. "What?" His voice was rough and uneven, serving only further to remind Mahiru of how far apart they seemed to have fallen. "What did you say?"

"I said, so, are you upset that I'm not human anymore?" It took every ounce of self control in his body to keep a straight face, to keep any inflection or bias from his tone, when all he really wanted to do was curl up next to Kuro and beg him to tell him that it wasn't just that a possible eternity of Mahiru's company didn't sit so well with him.

"What do you want me to say?"

Mahiru shrugged. "The truth." Setting down the two mugs, he perched gingerly on the edge of the cushion, as close to Kuro as he dared. Not only had their communication dropped to almost zero over the last week, but now Kuro seemed to have developed a distinct aversion to any and all forms of "nearness". It was made all the more grating to Mahiru's nerves given the new subtle smells he could pick up, one of which was a soft, almost pine like scent that seemed to come from Kuro. It was distracting and interesting and he found himself constantly fighting to keep from drifting closer to get more of it.

Kuro scoffed, the first sign of a real emotion that he had shown in ages and Mahiru almost smiled. "It's always so simple for you, isn't it?"

"What is?" Mahiru asked in surprise.

"Everything." His tone was bitter, but Mahiru could still just barely hear a sense of exhaustion dancing along the borders.

"Not everything." In disbelief, Kuro turned to him, mouth twitching to the side and this time Mahiru did smile. "In fact, most things are complicated. Which is why I choose to just go about it simply. The best way to deal with trouble is to face it head on, right?"

Instead of answering, Kuro shrugged, closing off as he looked away, his gaze skittering around the room and through the piles of magazines and comics and games he had amassed since his arrival in Mahiru's life. "I'm going to bed." He stood and without ever turning, walked swiftly down the small hall and to his room.

When the sound of the door closing and the lock clicking echoed, impossibly loud, back to Mahiru, he reached out and picked up the far mug, the one with the little black cat on it. Leaning back, he took a tentative sip, willing the tears crowding his throat to stay hidden away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On the bright side, Mahiru thought, as he slid down the wall, the pain this would have normally caused was seriously dampened by his new body. Looking up, shocked by the size of the dent in the siding that he had left behind, he blinked. Yup. It was kind of amazing. Not to say that it hurt less, he amended, wincing when the man took another lunging grab for him and scraped back the skin along the length of his arm. It was more like his senses had been tuned and refined, allowing him to sort through and choose which sensations to focus on.

"Wish it came with some cheat codes, though." He muttered, throwing himself to the side just in time to avoid a steel tipped boot to the face. His reflexes may have improved a hundred fold, his speed and strength unparalleled to his former, his body resilient and healing almost from the second it was damaged, but that didn't mean he knew any better how to take advantage of any of that. His years of rigorous training and experience had transformed him into the very warrior that he had so desperately wanted to be, but that had been his human body. Now, finding his soul trapped within the murky wavering confines of this strange new territory, he couldn't seem to recall a single block or defensive move. "Fuck!"

The man, sensing his irritated distraction, had taken a running leap and thrown them both back, over the edge of the roof they had ended up on. As they tumbled through the air, Mahiru went for broke and spun himself, levering his leg out and praying it connected. When he felt a solid thump, he risked looking over his shoulder to see that he had in fact landed a hit and the man- the vampire- was now unconscious and angled away, falling farther out of reach each millisecond. Miraculously, he crashed through one of the large windows of the neighboring factory building and Mahiru sucked in a deep, relieved breath.

"Yes!" He shouted and then closed his eyes, praying, probably in vain, that the pain of breaking perhaps all the bones in his legs upon landing wouldn't put him into shock. He didn't really fancy passing out in the alley to be found by his new rogue vampire friend, or worse yet, happened upon by some poor, terrified mother walking home from the grocers.

"You're still a total moron."

The voice hissing in his ear and the arms circled tightly around his waist were all achingly familiar and Mahiru's eyes flew back open to meet Kuro's, staring at him in mournful anger. Somehow somersaulting them gracefully in the last ten feet to the ground, Kuro landed lightly on his feet, Mahiru still clutched against his chest.

"What were you thinking?" He demanded, seeming to forget, for the moment at least, that his strict rule of no touching was being blatantly neglected.

"Well, I was hoping that I wouldn't break all my bones." Mahiru said cheerfully, trying desperately to keep himself from leaning into the soft cotton of Kuro's jacket.

Kuro sighed explosively, rolling his eyes heavenward as though seeking divine intervention. "I can't deal with you." He finally looked back down, gaze wandering gently over as much of Mahiru as he could see. "Are you ok?"

Overcome with joyful panic at the show of concern, what had once been so commonplace and was now unheard of, Mahiru could barely answer, the words tumbling from his mouth like warm stones. "Thanks, Kuro." He swallowed, and forced his lips into what could be described loosely as a smile. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Lucky guess." He muttered stiffly, remembering himself and stepping back, his arms falling coldly away from Mahiru's sides. He sighed, staring down at the ground where the first few drops of enterprising rain were beginning to fall. "Let's go. It's going to be a storm." Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked jerkily away.

Mahiru couldn't help but notice that he was dragging his left foot just slightly and he was rushing to catch up, reaching out to grab a swatch of warm blue jacket and return the favor of inquiry, when at the last moment, just inches from the weaved cotton, his fingers froze and dropped. He stopped, standing still in the middle of the alley as he watched Kuro slowly disappearing into the increasing fall of water from the clouds. Looking up, he forced his eyes, red and inhumanly sharp, to remain open, even as the small chill drips landed against them. In the dropping temperature it was impossible to tell if it was his tears or just the rain that was tickling across his jaw and down his neck. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What am I supposed to do?" Mahiru asked softly. He couldn't bring himself to turn from where he stood at the counter, though whether it was shame or fear or embarrassment that stilled him, he didn't know.

"Why are you asking me?" Hyde tossed the remaining melted ice from his cup out the window. "Why don't you just tie him up until he talks to you?"

Shocked into forgetting his mortification, Mahiru glanced over his shoulder. "Are you kidding me? Sometimes I don't think you know Kuro at all."

Hyde shrugged, hands splayed and eyes wide in mock confusion. "What do you want from me? I'm supposed to be meeting Licht at the mall right now, you know." He peered crookedly over the rims of his glasses. "Do you know Kuro?"

The question took him by surprise and Mahiru fumbled the whisk, splattering eggs across the counter top. "Of course I do!" He fell silent, worrying his lip, wincing when one of his fangs sank into the soft skin and a small splash of sweet blood landed on his tongue.

Hyde laughed, crossing his legs and tipping back in the chair. "If you say so!" When Mahiru just continued to stare morosely down at the frothy bowl of eggs and milk in his hands, he groaned and stood. "Look. I know you've got this crazy obsession with being simple or whatever lame thing it is you're always yelling." He grinned when Mahiru turned to glare hotly at him and slapped a hand on his shoulder. "But sometimes you're terrible at taking your own advice! I can tell you the best way to talk to Licht, but Kuro, well, Mahiru, you're the expert." He paused, smirking pointedly. "Because you're the only one Kuro will let be the expert."

Mahiru didn't answer, instead pulling a spatula from the drawer and dipping it contemplatively into the egg bowl. Perhaps Hyde, although still almost unbearably annoying, was right. Maybe it really was that simple.

"These are my words of great wisdom for you." Hyde said, interrupting his thoughts and bowing lowly. "And with that I leave you to your newly eternal teenage angst!" Mahiru rounded on him in ire and he laughed uproariously, darting back. As he fled the room, he leaned back in through the door way just long enough to snag a handful of cookies from the jar on the far counter, and, shoving two in his mouth, winked. "Like I shed Mahroo, jush tahk to 'im. E'll lishen to yoo." Crumbs flew from his mouth and Mahiru unthinkingly whipped the spatula at his head. He ducked at the last second and his laughter bounced down the hall as he danced away, the utensil leaving a huge stain of yellow batter like goo dripping lazily down the wall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dinner was always quiet nowadays, something Mahiru had come to sullenly accept, so when Kuro scraped his spoon softly around his bowl and asked him what the splotch in the kitchen was, he choked on his water, spilling half of it down his shirt. Hacking into his hand, he turned away, aware that his face was most likely bright red. Kuro did nothing as he gasped and finally he cleared the burn in his sinuses. Sitting back, he still somehow managed to feel surprised when he was neither short of breath nor light headed. It must be true he didn't need to breath then, he thought numbly. Oh, sure, he'd tried going without several times when he was bored and on his own, but his instincts seemed to have survived along with his character and always around the two minute mark he panicked and sucked in a huge whooping breath ruining the experiment.

"What did you say?" He asked choppily, willing his voice to hold steady.

"I asked you what met its end on the kitchen wall."

"Ah. I threw a spatula covered in eggs at Hyde."

"I see."

There was a short, palpable beat of quiet as they stared at each other and then, suddenly, they both broke down, laughing into their plates. Mahiru took the brief lull in tension to study Kuro across the table, who was still chuckling softly as shook his head. He looked the same. Technically he had looked the same for several centuries, but to Mahiru it was something to be taken note of day to day. Seeing that despite his newly altered state, and Kuro's less than stellar response to it, he was not fraying completely apart at the edges, was a relief. He looked more tired, perhaps a little disenchanted beyond his usual veneer of casual distaste at the state of existence, but it was nothing that some ramen and a movie couldn't fix. The dawning hope that perhaps this was something he could still salvage bubbled up viciously in his chest and before he could stop himself he had reached across the table and grabbed Kuro's wrist.

"Do you want to-"

Kuro jerked back, ripping his arm free, and fixed Mahiru with a look of revulsion. In the loud static silence that followed, Mahiru could tell that he was finally going to lose the battle with his tears and just a second before they spilled down his cheeks he smiled, a fleeting brittle thing.

"Sorry." Was all he got out before he felt his face grow warm and wet and he saw Kuro's eyes widen in a stunning mix of astonishment and dismay. "I think I'm going to go to bed." Amazingly, the flood waters did nothing to shake his voice and the words were stark and clear in the needle like atmosphere of the kitchen. "Good night."

Unconsciously, he poured on a bit of his fascinating new preternatural speed and was at the kitchen door before he even knew what he was planning. As he turned the corner, deciding to throw himself under his quilt and sob and ponder until he could dredge up and piece together a way to fix this, a long fingered hand curled over his tightly clenched one. Freezing up, too scared to pull away but unable to look, he simply stood, his back to the quivering mass of warm nerves that was Kuro behind him. That gentle pine smell came to him again and he almost screamed in frustration; he could count on one hand the number of times they had been this close since that day. It had just been two weeks ago but it felt like a torturous eternity, Mahiru thought dizzily, how could it have only been two weeks since-

He glanced wearily over his shoulder and met Kuro's steel gaze.

-since he'd died.

"Mahiru."

His name on those lips was enough to pull a startled sob from his lungs and he felt his heartbeat, an inconsequential thing now, quicken, the unexpected sensation almost painful. Kuro reacted strangely, his brows pulling down, lips quirked in sardonic amusement, and he lifted his free hand slowly, so slowly to Mahiru's now heightened vision, and lightly touched the feather brown hair layered over his forehead.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, his fingers still resting between the strands. "I really am a monster."

The statement bounced around Mahiru's head, trying to find a definition, but it was to no avail and he frowned through his savagely drying tears. "What are you talking about?"

It was Kuro's turn to look confused, hand dropping to his side. "How could you even need to ask?" His voice broke in anguish, faltering back a step as though someone had struck him, and it was only surprise that kept Mahiru from reaching out frantically to pull him back in, closer. "Look what I've done to you."

Words failed Mahiru in his upset and so he only shook his head minutely, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"You're- you died." Kuro whispered haltingly. His hands came up to run through his hair in distress. "I couldn't even-"

"Hey, hey! Hold on just a second!" Mahiru exclaimed, finally finding his voice and lunging forward, digging his fingers aggressively, deeply, into Kuro's shirt in a mad attempt to keep him from running. "This isn't your fault! Kuro, what are you talking about?!"

Eyes flashing eerily in the dim evening lighting of the hallway, Kuro studied him solemnly. "Whose blood did you drink, Mahiru?" A tremor ran down Mahiru's spine and Kuro almost smirked. "And why did you drink it?"

"I-" Mahiru faltered, fear staining his hope a hazardous, familiar black, and ran his tongue across the two small teeth in his mouth that seemed to be the root of all this trouble and pain.

"That's what I thought."

The resignation in Kuro's voice broke the chains of dread tying him down and suddenly no worry or terror could be worse than the reality that Kuro thought he had somehow failed. "You're wrong." He said it too quietly, but was heard clearly all the same, both of them stilling as the street lights flickered on, bathing everything in a warm yellow. "It's my fault. Not yours. It's mine." He laughed brokenly. "It's my fault because- because I couldn't stand to lose you. I couldn't stand to think I'd never hear your voice again. That I'd never see y-you agai-" His tears had begun anew, pouring down his face in an unabashed flood. "I thought- that I couldn't leave you here alone. I thought that, all I wanted was to be with you." He reached out, running his trembling fingers over the thin, delicate skin of Kuro's neck in the place where just thirteen days ago he had ripped it open himself, and whispered what he'd been hiding. "So I took it from you."

In a fit of madness, Kuro threw back his head, the warm skin under Mahiru's touch pulling taut, and laughed. "You really think that?" He asked incredulously once he had managed a breath. "Are you shitting me?" Eyes wide, Mahiru started, staring up at him, perplexed. "Ah jeez, what a pain." Kuro sighed, running a hand over his face. "You really think you, laying there with a walnut sized hole through your puny chest and half your blood soaking the dirt, could in any way have taken something from me?" His tone was dangerous and Mahiru had to stop himself from faltering back in a kind of instinctual fear. "Mahiru. I gave it to you. I leaned over you like a weeping villain and pretended not to see my blood falling into your mouth. You were more than half gone, from the second you raised your arm and scratched me, I knew you were dead. I let it happen. I did it."

Something equally dangerous was unfurling and spreading in Mahiru, something hot and white and sharp and beautiful and he couldn't help the wavering smile that tiptoed across his face. "You mean you wanted-"

"What I want and what's right is not the same." Kuro interrupted him. "You're- you were- You should have grown up." He paused, watching Mahiru with a kind of empathetic mourning and suddenly he looked all of his six hundred years, head bowed under the weight of such an endless journey. "You should have grown up and graduated college, gotten a job, married, traveled, grown old. And now all you have is this half life, this pathetic excuse for living and it's all because I let myself grow complacent. I took from you, exploited you beyond what you offered and in the end I couldn't even save you."

Latching onto the only thing he currently had a response for, Mahiru shook Kuro's shoulders roughly, heedless of his recently unfettered strength. "You didn't exploit me! I wanted to help you!"

"You're still a child if you really believe that." He retorted, subtly rolling a shoulder and wincing. "You turned to me in desperation because-"

"Because you saved me! Of your own free will! You saved me and my friends lives! You did that, Kuro, you!" Mahiru shouted. "It had nothing to do with blood or contracts! It was you." He paused, waiting warily to see if Kuro would deny it. "And that you is my best friend. Everything I've done is because I wanted to. Everything has been because it's what I wanted."

"And dying?" Kuro asked tartly. "Was that what you wanted too?"

"I don't know what might have happened." Mahiru said quietly, loosening his iron grip on Kuro's shoulders, wondering if he'd accidentally cracked any of the bones in his panic. "But that doesn't matter because we can't change the past." He ran his hands over the lapels of the now worn denim Kuro had first appeared in. "And all that does matter is what we do from here on. Maybe I made the wrong choice. But I would do it again." He heard Kuro's little intake of breath and closed his eyes, smiling sarcastically. "Go on, call me stupid, or a hot headed moron. Maybe I am. But I'm not a liar."

Like ash from an angry gods volcano, deadly quiet filled the cracks and spaces in the room as they stood, like statues, facing each other in dawning comprehension. The first to move and break the spell, Mahiru sighed and stepped back, hoping that his expression didn't belie his turmoil and fear and heart wrenching love.

"So please don't ever call yourself a monster. Because you're my hero."

As though he were about to fall to the ground, Kuro stumbled, staring at Mahiru like he'd never seen him before. "What did you say?" He whispered, a hand clenching so tightly in his shirt that the fabric began to stretch. Stony and unflinchingly, Mahiru raised his chin, meeting Kuro's horrified gaze. "I said you're my hero."

"That's what I thought you said." He sounded winded, as though he'd run a hundred miles, looking pale beneath the moon glow tan fanning across his face. "I can't handle this."

The old worry came digging back into his bones and Mahiru winced, looking away. "Do you not-" He hesitated, unsure if he wanted the answer, but the question had taken on a life of it's own, twisting and slithering in his stomach, eating his sleep and peace of mind, and he pushed on. "Do you not want to, I mean, not want me around that long?" He laughed stiltedly, realizing how awkward the question sounded when spoken aloud.

Kuro opened his mouth, looking shell shocked for a moment, and then closed it again, shaking his head. "I'm not dignifying that with an answer. Mahiru, listen to me." He stepped forward quickly, instantly destroying the boundless distance that had at some point stretched between them. "What matters is, regardless of anything else, I should have protected you. I wanted you to live."

"I am alive!" Mahiru protested, brows furrowed in outrage. "I'm right here!"

"You're a vampire." Kuro said flatly.

"So are you!"

"Precisely." He enunciated each syllable as though speaking to someone hard of hearing, though they both knew Mahiru could now hear a pin drop across the room.

Frowning, Mahiru reached out, tugging on a lock of Kuro's forever unruly hair. "If you're implying that you yourself aren't alive, I find that very insulting. Not to mention you would be insinuating that I have made a mistake in judgement. To me you've never been anything but a very sturdy, very lazy guy who snuck his way into my house."

The crumbling, perpetual look of almost fearsome anguish that graced Kuro's delicate features suddenly began to transform, morphing into what a more distinguished member of society might call mortification, but to Mahiru just looked dumb and he couldn't stop the small chuckle that punched it's way out of his throat. Kuro shot him a sulky look, just further ruining his image and Mahiru covered his mouth, trying valiantly to muffle the full on laughter now leaking free.

"I'm sorry. I can't believe it, but I don't think I've ever seen you looking so embarrassed." He explained, smiling timidly. "Which is really saying something considering how long I've known you."

"I am a paragon of unflappable apathy." Kuro muttered distractedly, still staring at Mahiru with something akin to worry. "So you mean to tell me that you're fine with all this? Being murdered and turned into a vampire."

"I've been trying to tell you that from the beginning." Mahiru crossed his arms in annoyance. "But you seem to have trouble hearing over the sound of your own angst."

Kuro glowered at him, then frowned softly, his fingers digging and twisting in the ruins of his shirt. "I'm sorry, Mahiru."

"Me too." He said kindly. "But I'm not sorry to still be here with you."

What looked like a gentle blush misted over Kuro's cheeks before he shook his head. "No, I mean I'm sorry that I- I let this happen and then just ran from you. I left you to figure all this out on your own, when I should have been here to-"

"Don't worry about it." Mahiru cut him off, holding up a hand.

Kuro still looked unsure, the tendons of his fingers pulled tight against the creamy expanse of the backs of his hands; Mahiru couldn't seem to tear his gaze from them, wondering if his looked just as crystal perfect now too.

"I won't." Kuro said suddenly. "I won't let you suffer any more."

"So you'll help with the chores?" Mahiru asked brightly, smiling when Kuro blanched. "I'm just kidding. I know you can't be trusted to do the laundry." He made to turn, to wander back to the table, his hope that Kuro would follow an almost all encompassing fog, but stumbled when a hand tugged on his wrist, holding him back, and he glanced over his shoulder warily. "What is it?"

"How can you be real?"

He felt his brows raise in question, unsure how to interpret Kuro's words, and so settled for shrugging. "I don't think I'm all that special really."

"You're doing the impossible." Kuro insisted, leaning forward in earnest, his face open and wondering.

Mahiru laughed. "It's not impossible. I think I just have a better incentive than most."

"And what's that?" Kuro was still staring at him, but now he looked almost hopeful, as if he were hoping for the chance to hope, and Mahiru felt that dangerous something, so solid and bright and distracting, respond in kind, unfurling and reaching out to wrap around the endless, terrifying entity that was Kuro's existence. As though feeling it, Kuro took a small, indecisive step toward him, his eyes locked on Mahiru's like he feared if in looking away he would disappear into the void.

"Don't you know by now?" Mahiru asked softly, smiling as he turned back. "I think I've made it pretty obvious."

"You know I'm not good with all these guessing games." Kuro muttered, taking a half step forward.

"It's because you're too lazy." Mahiru snuck one foot forward as well, shyly.

"They're no fun." Kuro argued. Another step and he was almost directly in front of Mahiru, watching him cautiously from half lidded eyes.

"So only fun things keep your attention?" Mahiru said jokingly, reaching out and slowly sneaking his hand beneath Kuro's arm.

"Only things worth the effort." Kuro corrected, allowing his arm to be pulled up and almost wrapped around Mahiru.

"What kinds of things are worth the effort?" He took a final step forward, his other arm curling around Kuro's steady shoulders, the teasing touch of inhumanly soft hair tickling over his forearm.

"Don't you know by now?" Kuro echoed, his free hand coming to rest under Mahiru's chin and nudging his face up just a fraction. "I think I've made it pretty obvious."

"Just a bit." Mahiru conceded, raising up on his toes and bringing himself within reach, waiting.

The sudden, anticipated touch of Kuro's lips was like a jolt through his nerves and Mahiru almost gasped. Though he had thought that perhaps this was the course they had been set on, it was still a shock, something that he didn't think he could have expected even if he'd been warned. Unsure what to do, he remained still, allowing Kuro to slowly explore the fragile expanse of his lips in that gentle, probing way that only he seemed to possess. When he finally drew back, eyes clouded with both fear and a kind of deep ember passion, Mahiru smiled brightly, locking his fingers together behind his neck.

"Was that the answer to your puzzle?" Kuro asked quietly, tightening his arms around Mahiru's waist.

Pretending to think, Mahiru let his face pull into a faux pout, barely holding back a laugh when he noticed Kuro tracking the movement raptly. "Mmm, one of them, yes."

"And what are the others?" Kuro whispered, his breath ghosting across Mahiru's open mouth as he slowly drew back in as though pulled by a solid force.

"What if I made you guess?" Mahiru murmured, the movement brushing the sensitive skin of their lips together, mingling the colors of their shared essences.

"I suppose for you I'd be willing to try." Kuro fell forward, letting that blatant power that Mahiru had always sensed in him flow freely, pulling Mahiru's feet free of the floor and crushing the air from his lungs; if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't have had the ability to complain.

When he was allowed to fall back to the floor, his legs steady only though instinct, he sucked in a heady breath, rejoicing in that spicy sweet scent, now, finally, near enough for him to really experience. "Should I feel honored by your offer?" He asked mischievously. "You don't know what kind of guesses you'll have to make."

Kuro sighed, resting his chin on the top of Mahiru's head. "That sounds like a lot of trouble."

"Yes, it does." He agreed sagely, grinning. "But I have complete faith in you."

For the barest moment, Kuro froze, his back tensing under Mahiru's palms, but after a few frantic heart beats he relaxed and slid back a step, keeping a hand on Mahiru's forearm. "Don't you always." Their fingers soft around each other as he twined them together, he pulled Mahiru out and away from the dark kitchen, leaving the coffee pot to blink its soft red light into the approaching night.

#PHEEEEWWWW #well here's this #Servamp #Mahiru Shirota #Sleepy Ash #kuromahi #OH YEAH #my lifes true calling #servamp fanfiction #my writing #(you can find my comic under the tag my art if you're interested!)#vampire!Mahiru

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noscorpsaladerive · 5 years

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gosh i am so fucking confused with life rn like i still want to move out, but i’ve been looking for a while now and anything that i would be interested in putting an offer in on is either gone in a flash or some problem comes up with it, but then i’m starting to wonder if i really want to stay in this area anyway because i literally have no one to hang out with outside of work, but then my mom might need ankle surgery so i probably do need to stay in the area or just stay at home, but i’m also going freaking insane living here with my family, but i also would like to be close enough so that when i travel i know someone will be nearby that can check up on wherever it is i end up living, and can y’all see that i just keep going in circles with this

and like i look at jobs in other cities where some of my friends live, but i really like how flexible the schedule for my current job is, even though it can be frustrating that the hours can be super late and they aren’t always consistent (in the past few weeks i’ve worked anywhere from 1.5 hours to 23 hours in a week), but then i’m wondering if i should look into travel agent stuff again because i can either do that independently/as a contractor or work for a company like aaa if i did decide i wanted a 9-5 job, but then that gets back into okay but where the fuck do i live

but also i feel so underqualified for literally any job that sounds vaguely interesting like besides teaching or being a customer service rep (the former not being for me, and lol fuck no at the latter) they want someone who has like a business degree or some other shit, they don’t want someone who’s just studied french, so i always get super discouraged when i look at job openings

and like if i stayed at my current job long enough i could prob get promoted to assistant manager and maybe general manager if the current one decides to step down, but i found out recently that bc we’re a legacy store (meaning we were open before the current company owners bought out the original franchise), they don’t offer benefits for literally anyone???? which makes sense for game masters bc we’re part time, but they don’t offer benefits for our manager??????? like what the fuck

then ofc recently i’ve been missing france more than usual, but ideally i would move somewhere where i can easily bring my cat with me and also i’m really only friends with like one person in france rn and idk how much longer she’s even going to be there

and i also feel like i’ve disappointed my undergrad advisor, like he was so kind to me and like i earned a grant to go to grad school in france, and it covered all but about $1500 of the tuition, and he literally just gave me the difference out of his own pocket, and like i miss talking to him but whenever i think about him i feel like a disappointment since i’m not out there doing some grand Thing with french

and then ofc now is when my brain is like time to feel romantically incompetent!!! even though i know in my head that’s a stupid thing to feel but at the same time societal pressures and expectations can really fuck with your brain, but also i Do Not Have Time to mess with anything like that rn and just ugh i’m so confused y’all

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soysaucevictim · 5 years

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I’ve been worrying myself sick lately... but the day finally came. And I still feel a level of uncertainty - the hard part of things is over for the time being.

June 4

I got up around 7:30 AM again.

Socialized, went to Seeking Safety, did some Resilient Grieving reflection (but not a lot), and listened to music.

Still feel pulled in way too damn many directions. And I can’t even ENGAGE any of them until the hearing happens and what the verdict is going to be. And I’m so fucking frustrated, more with myself, that I just can’t make myself do that lately. I know it’s probably going to pass once The Day happens. And it will be SOME kind of relief (be it favorable result or not), once I have something to work with. I feel like no one is being patient with me, including myself, despite how clearly evident how much distress I’m in.

There’s some complex grief response shit I need to work on, the fear of getting my teeth fixed, the fear of learning to fucking drive, the fear that I don’t understand what the fuck my needs/priorities are (and the support I deserve towards them), the sense of falling far too behind on house work that needs to be done, the feeling of making excuse after excuse - that I’m not trying hard enough, and being too gawd damn frazzled to get my sleep (also medication & exercise) schedule somewhere fucking sensible again. And everything just feeds into each other and makes me want to fucking scream sometimes.

ANYWAYS... after getting home and getting distracted by the BS (because it’s the only way I’m able to fucking cope with this fucking thunderstorm in my head, atm)... I did at least get my exercise in. :I

First, today’s DD. 1′ basic burpees with EC. Manageable, despite under-sleeping. I also counted 20 completed reps by the end. Whew. :U

Second, Day 3 of the NC. “Strength“, meaning push-ups. Though I did think about going for 2′. I did 1′ (so Level 2). Which was a good call, since I was getting close to my PB & form got pretty messy. But I did count 42 of them in the time given.

Last, Day 3 of the PUP. Lower body work again - more distal stuff. I did have to drop down my left foot a few times during the leg swings because of fatigue making keeping balance real difficult. Probably also because I was too tired

Despite being too damn tired... I still stayed up till like 5AM with the same old BS. I’m a fucking mess. :/

June 5*

Been up since like 2PM. Meant to at least get up early enough to take my morning meds. Didn’t. So I didn’t take them at all! (Because I know you REALLY should try to keep that shit consistently spaced out... wild windows of hours is ill advised.)

Don’t have much to say about my day that I haven’t already.

Okay. I wound up doing all my exercise after midnight.

First, today’s DD. 20 matrix tilts with EC. Not a huge fave since it's pretty intense for the knees. But manageable.

Second, Day 4 of the NC. “Stealth“, meaning a wall-sit hold. This time I actually went for the 2′ duration, Level 3. It was fairly tough but very doable - given I’ve done this amount before. Also, watching Sanders Sides is a fantastic distraction from the burning quads. Pffft. :,D

Last, Day 4 of the PUP. Lower body work - but closer to the thighs/core. This was tough to get through. And I did have to pause for muscle recovering in tthe later half/quarter. The side leg raises didn’t stay very high - but oh well. Did the best I was able to do for the day.

Now. I sincerely doubt I’ll be going to the facility “tomorrow”. Since I wrote this bit past 3AM. =_=

June 6*

.I wound up staying up til like noon. Opting not to go to the facility today and sleeping til almost 6PM.

Same old noise after that. Wound up doing my exercise past midnight again, though*. :I

First, today’s DD. 60 turning kicks with EC. I always enjoy combat work. I tried to make sure to not let the foot drop until the side was done. Did wobble a few times but was able to keep it going. :D

Second, Day 5 of the NC. “Grit“, meaning up/down planks. I went for 1′ again and counted 16 reps in that time (counting each direction as one rep). This was certainly difficult, but I did pace myself and think to wear some long sleeves. JUst happy to not scrape up my elbows today. :P

Last, Day 5 of the PUP. Upperbody work. I did like that it involved knee push-ups. So that helped keep things just about manageable. That being said it was a bit of a hassle figuring out how to set it up so my knees weren’t unhappy and that I could check on the timer. Figured things out, but that did take some willpower to accomplish.

June 7

Been up since about 4PM.

Mostly been up to the same noise - but I did some dishes, made some dinner, and exercised.

First, today’s DD. 60 standing W-extensions with EC. I enjoyed this a lot. I also did a few extra in case I lost count. :D

Second, Day 6 of the NC. “Balance”, meaning one legged stand. I knew that I could pretty easily manage 2′ of this one In fact, I technically shot for 4′, 2′ for each side back-to-back.

Last, Day 6 of the PUP. Kind of mixed focus on squat and side elbow plank stuff. Did have a false start hours before going for it to completion. Mostly was frustrated with how I wanted to keep track of time while on the floor. But this whole thing was not a walk in the park. Second round of planks I did brace with top leg forward a bit.

June 8

Though I did get up a couple times earlier, I got up proper at like 6PM. Yeah.

First, today’s DD. 30 butterfly sit-ups with EC. This variation still requires some foot anchoring to do very many of. But nevertheless enjoyable! :D

Second, Day 7 of the NC. “Endurance“, meaning climbers. I went for 1′, Level 2. I counted 136 reps by the end. Did think about trying for 2′ again, but decided I wasn’t up for it.

(After getting way too damn distracted again...)

Last, Day 7 of the PUP. Lower body work. I’d say this was a more enjoyable sequence to get through and I didn’t have to drop/pause at any point. It wasn’t easy though!

(I may go add notation where I had to compromise, mostly for the data. :P )

June 9

Similar story as yesterday, except getting up after 3PM today.

Same old noise, but I did try to get my exercise done early on for the day.

First, today’s DD. 20 stacked push-ups with EC. Not much to say other than I found this one very manageable. :P

Second, Day 8 of the NC. “Core strength“, meaning hollow hold. First time I just had to tap out at Level 1 or 30″. I know my PBs can be upwards to a minute - I just didn’t feel up to straining my neck, because historically this exercise is pretty terrible for it.

Last, Day 8 of the PUP. Upper body work. I did very much enjoy this sequence, made my forearms burn (what with all the un/clenching of fists), as well as my shoulders. But it was a nice break on the former for the holds.

Tomorrow is The Day. So, after that, I took a shower and prepped some notes for the hearing before getting to bed. I also did try to get to sleep at a more reasonable time by my standards...

June 10

I didn’t get the most restful sleep last night. Getting up a few hours earlier due to muscle aches and stomach feeling all knotted up. :S

Ate a little bit and tried to get as much sleep as I could until 7:30.

Got dressed and was driven to court. The wait to get called in (with representative) was nerve-wracking. But the judge seemed to be warm enough and I didn't wind up having to cry-talk during our discussion. Probs won't know the ruling until a few months, I assume.

Feels like it's going to be a coin flip, tbh. But, I'm just happy to get it over with.

Got home and gamed awhile before exercising.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles with EC. This was doable despite exhaustion. But, the thing I've been stressing out over for the past several weeks is done. So that's something. :P

Second, Day 9 of the NC. “Combat“, meaning punches. Let’s just say I was looking forward to this after the hearing stuff. Something reliably enjoyable to keep my head from getting bleak again. Easily knocked out 2′ (Level 3), with 216 punches thrown. Tried to put a bit more of a twist into them. =w=

Last, Day 9 of the PUP. Lower body work. I also liked how this went. I did not do balanced side leg raises for the reps (keeping foot off floor, while down) but it didn’t seem to imply that interpretation. It certainly would’ve been harder than it already was, if so. But I did keep the holds up for their full durations. The balance work was super satisfying! :D

That did wake me up a bit more. I still wanted to take a nap... but wound up not doing so. Also wanted to get some notes together for my therapy appointment tomorrow. But ran out of time/energy for that,

But now, I need do a bit of archiving and try to get to bed.

#adventures with fitness #... and now we wait #while i feel a lot more relief after getting thehearing over with now... i'm going to leave in all the venting #more for my own reference and context #there is some lingering worry about whether i hurt my case at any point... but at this point - what's done is done #i need to move forward again

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brvckin-blog · 6 years

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in all forms except physical i can write an intro, know that ( ! ) i’m mikhia, you can call me mikki if you want tho idc lmao, i’m eighteen, and i live my life by the word of park sooyoung. in her name we pray, amen! i’m always tryna come up with some kind of witty intro but LMAO that never happens and probs never will so this is it.......... this is what y’all get! if you wanna plot then read this shit and gimme a mf smash of that heart and i’ll hit you up! or, if you prefer plotting on d.iscord then you can find me over at YUKHEI’S WHITE GIRL LAUGH #5355 just like tell me who you are when i add you!

▶ BASIC INFORMATION

breckin rhee isn’t as innocent as he seems. on the outside they’re just another twenty-one year old junior who’s looking to get through college with a degree in biology, but let me be the first to tell you there’s more than meets the eye. although they were ingrid’s party buddy, they were the one who held her still while she was bound and gagged. hopefully nobody finds out what they did!

▶ BULLET POINT BACKGROUND

the following overview contains triggering topics such as abuse, drug use, manipulation, and murder. if any of these topics make you uncomfortable then please click away as your well being is a lot more important than the background of my character. however, just as an fyi, none of the topics are talked about in depth, just more-so mentioned!

growing up it was just breckin and his dad living in a big, isolated house at the end of a road where no one really cared to get to know one another. he never knew what happened to his mom, but he also never asked. him and his dad didn’t have the kind of relationship for that; him and his dad were never close enough to have personal conversations.

the two of them only spoke a handful of words to each other by the time the boy was ten and had been completely raised by a nanny. but then everything changed when she just didn’t show up one day and his dad decided to play the role of a parent for once. and, just like with his mom, he had no idea what happened to his former parental figure.

he was shit at it (go figure) and constantly yelled at breckin, even pushing him around and smashing his toys just cause he felt like it. he didn’t understand what he had ever done wrong and a part of him thought that this was just how every parent treated their child.

when he was twelve, he ended up finding an old camcorder and instantly fell in love with filming everything around him. it all looked so beautiful through a lens; untainted. but he was young and kids can be dumb. he ended up recording over one of the tapes inside and when his dad found out, he completely lost it.

apparently breckin had taped over an old home video of his mom, one that his dad watched frequently, and it became the catalyst for events that would change his life forever. it was the first time his dad was ever physically abusive towards him.

he doesn’t really have much memory of the event, but he does remember being at the top of the stairs filming before everything went black. he found out later that his dad had pushed him down the stairs, but it was ruled an accident and he was put back into his care after he healed.

things only got worse from there with his dad constantly telling him that he was a monster, that no one would ever love him, and that no one would care if he died. these things clawed their way down his throat and found a home in his lungs until he felt like he could no longer breathe.

as he got older and a little colder, he started fighting back and it ended up just being a big brawl between him and his dad all the time. they would literally beat the shit out of each other multiple times a week until, suddenly, it all stopped when he was sixteen.

his dad remarried and the woman brought in two younger children. then, suddenly, his dad was someone else entirely. it was like the bitter old man had been replaced by the most wholesome being in the world. he acted like a completely different person and it pissed breckin off. but it also inspired him in a way; it changed his outlook on the world around him entirely.

so he changed his personality too, became the picture perfect son who played sports and got good grades. he held up his image well, but the monster his father always told him he was never went away. it just waited under his facade until the perfect time to strike.

it was after his first real girlfriend that he decided he liked hurting people. he liked breaking their hearts because it made him feel like a god. he was the perfect boyfriend, dating girls and boys and anyone that was dumb enough to fall for his tricks. he would make sure that he was all they thought about, that they were sure they were in love with him, and then he would rip the rug right out from under them.

nothing made him happier than watching them cry and beg him not to do this. they looked so ugly and broken and he couldn’t think of anything more beautiful. he liked seeing people at their most vulnerable, got off on humiliating them.

it was around that same time that he also got into drugs, cocaine specifically, and it helped to perk him up; it helped to make him not look so dead inside. he was a great actor, but the eyes are the window to the soul and his held nothing inside.

with his new life planned out, breckin made the decision to go to college and major in biology with the hopes of getting into med school and becoming a doctor like his father. in some weird way, it was almost like he wanted to be just like him, to show him that he was only monster because of him.

it was at his high school graduation that he found out what really happened to his mother when she suddenly showed up trying to act like everything was ok. in his mind, he had already come to terms with her death, deciding that his father more than likely killed her. but the truth hurt a whole lot more. she had just left........ left him with a monster who didn’t love him. and, not only that, but she had a whole new family with two children (his half siblings) and one of them was even close to him in age. it enraged him and, so, the next morning he cut the brake line in her car and killed her off permanently. she was dead to him so dead she would stay.

when he left for uni, he constructed a backstory where he was the son of a pastor who graduated as valedictorian and blushed when complimented. none of that was true, but it didn’t matter. everyone would believe him and would never question it so it didn’t matter.

at freshman orientation, he found his first victim and really set everything back into motion. he began dating anyone and everyone before ultimately cheating on them, and breaking their hearts in the worst possible way all while holding up his perfect little persona until the end.

it was a cruel game, but he was able to keep others quiet about who he really was either through blackmail or through them being so humiliated that they left school and moved away.

over the years though as he’s gotten busier and has gotten closer to graduating, he’s really been too exhausted to keep up his facade as much so he’s basically half himself and half good church goin boy lmao!

▶ LIST OF SECRETS

obviously no one knows about these (unless we’ve plotted something out surrounding them) so keep these to your ooc self beetch! i honestly just wanted to throw ‘em down here because my memory is shit!

breckin plans on going to med school after graduation so, in preparation for becoming a doctor down the road, he will oftentimes practice on willing peers who are looking for a little extra cash.

he has a weird obsession with death but, more specifically, what comes after. it’s something that no one knows the answer to so he has taken it upon himself to try and figure it out. how, you ask? think flatliners. he hooks himself (and other people occasionally) to a machine then injects them with a drug to stop their heart. they die, the two minute countdown begins, then they’re resuscitated. he’s been getting a little too brave lately though and letting himself flatline for longer periods of time.

even though those two things in particular could get him not only kicked out of school, but ruin his chances of getting into med school, there are others that would pretty much bury his entire reputation six feet under. since he was in his early teens, breckin has been living a sort of double life. he pretends to be a nice boy who only has good intentions, but he couldn’t be more opposite. he loves breaking hearts, hurting others, and humiliating them. more often than not, he dates people solely for that.

even though he doesn’t need the money, he loves attention so he started up his very own little artistic porn blog on tumblr (throw it back to when that shit was still allowed). he began when he was a freshman and has accumulated around forty thousand followers in that time. he never shows his face or anything but he posts pretty racy photos and sells pictures, videos, and audio recordings to those that are willing to pay.

breckin has a very packed schedule between studying pre-med, playing sports, and keeping up with all of his other extracurricular activities that he doesn’t find much time to do normal things like sleeping, eating, etc. this has pushed him to find other means to sustain him that mostly include divulging in various drugs of choice.

▶ POTENTIAL PLOT IDEAS

these are just barebone ideas that could and should be expanded on. but, again, they’re only ideas and i’m really open to plotting just about anything? especially if you have smth in particular that you really want filled, please don’t be afraid to come to me about it! all plots are also open to any muse of any gender!

TEAMMATE(S) — breck is really into sports (specifically more aggressive ones) so if your muse plays any such as: football, lacrosse, hockey, etc then hmu! we can do full blown rivals, playful rivals, mates who just help keep each other motivated to do their best, etc.

HALF SIBLING — if you read the background info then you’ll know that breck’s mom pretty much disappeared then showed back up with two new kids who are his half siblings. however, one of them is pretty close to his age so it’d be cool to have them around? especially considering the fact that he ended up killing their mother yikes! even though they obvs don’t know that it could make for some good writing to explore them finding it out in the future!

ROMANTIC(?) — i’m talkin fwb, exes that he’s played, one night stands, etc. considering the fact that his schedule has only gotten busier and busier, he doesn’t really have time to date around like he used to but he still has needs, damn, so essketit!

PARTY BUDDY — breck likes to party a lot and likes to get fucked up so he needs some friends who’ll humor him and who can keep up with all of his wild shenanigans.

DRUG DEALER — with the amount of shit he does (both personally and otherwise) he could keep your character completely funded himself lmao! hes got a lot of money so let his dumbass give it to you!

NEIGHBOR(S) — breck doesn’t live on campus cause fuck that hes too old for it and he hated it anyway so he lives in an apartment which means your muse? could be his neighbor idk this is super vague but we could do a lot with it just trust me!

SECRETS(?) — considering a couple of his secrets are a little out there it’d be kinda cool to have someone in on them. like, with his whole experimenting on people thing and basically killing them then bringing them back to see what they experienced ya....... could be fun literally someone gimme it!

#liarsintro #anyway..... gas me up :)#☆ — ❛ out of character. ❜

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fanfictionconnectionwordpress · 6 years

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ok, umm... how about the RFA+ trio and a MC that takes care of street childeren (?) that are unwanted or lost everything and are hurt (like some don't have legs or hands). how would the boys and jeahee react (?) to that? (also, one of the kids called the RFA +trio guy 'daddy' and the kids used to call the Mc 'mommy') can your write that? if no then it's ok too! you don't have to if you don't want to!

***I really love this concept of this MC. It’s super sweet and I just T_T ~Let’s Connect! FFC***

* Character Personality Breakdown - Good Ending Route Characters, my version of Vanderwood from my Vanderwood Backstory fanfiction *

Yoosung:

He is so super ready to be a daddy!

Well, not an actual daddy, but being a daddy to the kids you help is a okay with him!

Yoosung probably won’t realize the full implication of them calling him daddy and you mommy until he makes eye contact with you, and you can bet his face will turn bright red.

He refuses to make eye contact again until you’re alone - at which point you’ll get yourself a passionate kiss.

He’s really good at helping the children, too and enjoys spending time with them.

Jumin:

He’s surprisingly good with children.

Of course, he’s stand-offish for the most part with any child he doesn’t consider his to care for, but since these are your charges, that makes them his charges by extension.

They’ll be able to get whatever advanced medical care they need now thanks to his overabundance of funds.

That’s not the only thing he’ll give, though - bed time stories, baths, playing games. He’s a very well-rounded papa

Speaking of papa, he responds to it as though it is the most natural thing in the world.

When asked if it bothers him to be called daddy by your charges, his answer is very simple, “Why should it? They’re my children now, too.”

Zen:

He’s gotta stifle some emotion when he actually gets to meet the children you take care of.

Zen tends to be pretty dramatic and that includes his emotions - just good at keeping them in check.

The albino will perform little songs and mini routines for the kiddos’ entertainment.

The first time he gets called daddy, it’s like a double take before he laughs it off and responds, “Yes, what can daddy do for you and mommy?”

He is no stranger to volunteer work in the slightest - as he used to help a certain person with volunteer work as well.

It’s a little different, since you’re practically parenting these children, but V wastes no time in getting acquainted with them.

He even tries to help one of the children without hands to learn to paint with her feet - which goes surprisingly well.

V doesn’t really react to being called daddy other than to get a little dusting of pink in his cheeks.

Saeran:

He is so awkward around the children at first - frequently stepping outside to calm a headache and staying mostly in the corner.

That is, until he is approached by a sweet little darling while you’re in the bathroom.

This particular child is very shy, but she quietly hands him a jar to ask him, “Would you please open this daddy?” -Since she has but one hand.

Daddy is completely shocked - his face turns red and he looks away for a moment before asking, (kindly, mind you) “Can’t you ask someone else to do it for you?”

Seeing the sad look on her face as she is about to walk away, he stops her and does it for her after all.

From then on, he’s a little more conversational with the children - it just takes him a while to warm up to new people, regardless of age.

Vanderwood:

He doesn’t want anything to do with children - he’s scared of fucking them up.

At first, he won’t go with you to see them, “For their own good.”

When he finally does, he observes them from the corner - learning about each of them in his quiet and perceptive way.

It isn’t until one of the smaller children is getting pushed around by an older one to climb the monkey bars at the park that he gets close.

Vanderwood knew the younger child wasn’t strong enough, and he put himself in place to catch her when she inevitably fell - giving the elder a long look, “And that’s why we don’t force people to try things they don’t want to do.”

From then on, he’s slowly inserting himself more into their confrontations and conversations - teaching and guiding their behaviors.

Vanderwood is actually amazing papa material, and it isn’t long before he starts cooking with the kiddos - letting them help out with different kitchen tasks.

Yes, their messes set off his OCD and make him clean incredibly often.

Yes, being called ‘daddy’ makes him blush like a maniac, but he just pushes through trying to function.

Seven:

Calls himself, ‘Daddy Seven’ by the end of the first day.

He actually is amazing with kids! Not so much the whole teaching them to tidy up after themselves, but he does know a lot of games.

Seven will need supervision - gotta keep him from teaching them to build fire-breathing robots and stick to the more gentle kitten robots if anything.

The thing you might find surprising is how well he connects with the kids emotionally when they’re upset about any limitations they might have.

If you think about it, though, he was trapped with his own limitations for a long time and knows what it’s like to have been abused. Plus he’s probs seen some things as an agent.

Since he’s not socially awkward, it’s easier for him to offer encouraging words and get the kids back to having fun again.

All he wants to see are smiles~

Jaehee:

She’s never had to take care of children before. Although caring for her former boss’ cat basically felt like the same thing.

At first, she’s very nervous and needs a lot of assurances that she’s doing great.

Jaehee can teach the kids to bake!

They end up inspiring some children themed beverages at the café as well.

Her first reaction to being called ‘mommy’ is to say that you were in the other room before the child replies, “I was talking to you.” getting back a stuttered and startled, “Oh!”

It’s pretty cute seeing her blushing face as she looks towards you as you enter the room and then towards the child before she asks, “Okay, yes? What do you need?”

* MasterList / Patreon / Fanfictions / Commissions* Send me an ask!* Current unanswered asks (This post was scheduled - 07/28/2018): 53* Please buy me a ko-fi! If you’d like your ask to be placed on the top of the list. Make a comment about which ask it is when you donate. Or you could become a patron. They get their asks answered first~

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mystic messenger headcanon #yoosung kim #jumin han #zen hyun ryu #v jihyun kim #saeran choi #vanderwood #saeyoung choi #jaehee kang #askffc

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humanitysteeped-blog · 7 years

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Party Down:

One of the cons of being an ambitious twenty-something these days is the non- stop emotional constipation. For weeks at a time you put inordinate amounts of energy towards the things you prioritize-Work, health, being social, and hygiene. The journey to self actualizing is often misguided and forced. You gotta get to where you want to be as soon as possible so you can then rest. Some people call this the rat race, some call it “the man.” (Honestly what’s more withholding and full of unrealistic expectations than a man? Can I get an amen, girls?) The problem with this is the inevitable diarrhea of your emotions. Your head eventually will need to take a dump and almost always… alcohol is involved. Or at least it was for me this particular weekend. I partied and then partied down. If you’re like me, you fill your schedule and then some -you tend to put actual health on the back burner. Things like self reflection, properly confronting emotional conflict and resolving issues that cause you stress. We say going to the gym relieves stress but in all actuality it’ll never be as efficient as emotional regulation and psychological exercise. Especially if you’re a gay guy with years of practice at emotional repression and a thousand other psychological defense mechanisms. Our nervous systems are shot. True to form one particular Saturday after having given up me weekend off to work a morning shift at my store I was driving home slightly overwhelmed and drained. I should have seen the signs as I scrolled through Spotify looking for high powered party themes instead of my usual Stevie Wonder/ Elton John commute playlist. Halfway through a popular Justin Timberlake song I had already formulated my well thought-out Saturday evening plan and also true to form - at 6pm I was in front of my best girlfriends house dressed to the nines ready to have the type of night most girls live for. This was my brain preparing for its bowel movement that consisted of 7 months worth of ignored emotional build up. Dressed to impress and ready laugh we made our way up to The Bulldog on Magazine which had always been one of my favorite spots. My friend and companion for the evening (we’ll call her Mrs Aussie, for personal reasons) used the drive time to fill me in on her personal life. As if my brain had somehow signaled to her what our mood was going to be she wove me a tale that was stuffed with emotional constipation. Her boyfriend and her had fought a few days before over something seemingly simple yet she was questioning the future of their relationship. See, when you just go and go the small things you ignore become serious threats to your happiness. An emotionally repressed mind is a dramatic one by default. This was my perfect distraction because I love people’s stories. It also kept the conversation lively. We talked all night at The Bulldog before heading to Superior Grill for margaritas at 10pm. Our conversation was deep and hilarious because it’s me. We laughed a lot. We complained about how dumb guys are and ultimately made the age-old superficial promise to grow old together. Continued repression and interpersonal dishonesty is fantastic for keeping on a straight face. Because we both knew that our fulfillment would eventually come from one day shacking up with a guy who would be our best buds with whom we would establish mutual respect and trust with. Sometimes we need to lie to ourselves about the things that will really make us happy in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. By 10:30 we were finally filled and boozed and ready to catch a ride to a birthday event for our former co worker. It was during this trip that I felt it. I knew the big shit was coming. Alcohol has a way of loosening you up in more ways than one. Mrs Aussie in all her Downtown girl glory complained about my Uptown Boy taste in music so we switched genres which helped me stave off the unavoidable outpour. It’s funny how something as simple as music can be a comfort zone that, when changed, can help you in your endeavor to push back any type of personal progress. A long car ride and ten dollars at the jukebox later… I was fired up on tequila and corona and thoroughly enjoying the birthday event for one of the most incredible lesbians I know. (As if they aren’t all incredible.) The party was obviously great and there was plenty of laughter which is a requirement for me to want to stay out past 11pm other than a solid make out session. By 1am I was done. I’d played out and laughed all my energy away. I’d released any angst and obstinance that had fueled the last years drive towards my goal of being amazing and seemingly well grounded and also of being the next of my cousins to open their own restaurant and/or bar in the city. My composure was absolutely slipping in the smoke filled atmosphere of a small Northshore billiard bar. I had played Sweet Painted Lady by Elton John and this song usually triggers me. I started thinking about things I hadn’t give a nod to as of yet. I thought about the boyfriend who had cheated on me five years ago and how that changed me. I thought about the fact that I was engaged to a guy I wasn’t very attracted to and then left him eight month earlier and how I never really had cried about it. I thought about my own growth and how even though I let things go when I can’t control them-they still hurt. All the these thing that I used to define myself as strong and well grounded were the things that had made me an emotional train wreck who never really gave anyone two minutes of seeing me as just regular ole Pepperoni. All of this started to creep in my head and I felt that weird clamping at the back of my throat. “Well shit, I think I’m gonna cry.” Mrs Aussie of course went into full fledged best friend mode and started telling me about how handsome and worth it I would be for any guy as if somehow I was going to be crying over any man in public. If I cry in over a boy it’ll prob be in the shower a year after we parted ways. That’s just me. I wanted to explain to her it wasn’t about anyone but me and who I’d become and who I had been and who I wanted to be. It wasn’t altogether negative, it’s was just the natural release of emotional thoughts and calculations that I’d been saving and needed to let out. So I ditched. Fully sober at this point I drove home and put my comfort music back on as I did. I was ready. I knew what was coming and I had my gym towel in the bag on my passenger seat. I was partying down. And so, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, I pulled up to my house, parked and cried like a baby for 30 minutes. It did not feel good. My head was pounding and I knew the next day I’d be hungover as well and emotionally toasted. But here’s the thing, I got my head straight about a lot of things. Not all of it, but a lot. And I didn’t feel as stressed or upset. And that’s important. Letting it out is important. Society tells us a man shouldn’t do this. That’s why alcoholism and violence are so common for guys…no skills involving emotional regulation. Essentially men are children wether it’s crying, barfights, or the silent treatment- guys aren’t very developed in the area of working that emotion muscle out. That’s a problem today because I feel like the only way to develop fulfilling connections with people is by being able to engage in healthy adult communication and being emotional intimate or vulnerable. I realized this was a fault of mine as well so I cried more and vowed that no matter how weird it may make me seem, I would be open and willing to be vulnerable with people….so I didn’t have to ever take another emotional shit like this again. But also because I want to slow down and enjoy my life and maybe one day share it with someone in a very real and quiet way. Isn’t that what we all want? So here I am starting over sort of. Ready to tackle this coming week with ferocity and stillness of mind. Openness of heart. To be honest I’ll probably do this twice more this year. I’m a slow learner.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed. And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybdy else,but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again” -Mathew Quick

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flyingcookierambles · 6 years

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a ramble about my class scheduling issues bluh

so basically im a very very indecisive slow person. a ramble about college class scheduling and a hole that i dug myself into and then out of. somehow.

my academic advisor at my college gave me some advice to take this intro to programming class so i could use databases and stuff bc i told her i want to do lab work. now, the problem is that this class was at the same time as my japanese class, which is a language that im super interested about learning (cuz im a weeb and brought light novels that i cant read to try an support the authors after reading the fan translations i just wanna get my moneys worth lol my family has friends in jpn and id just like to read their facebook posts lol).

i asked my friends about it and my one friend, an accounting major, said that she will be taking the class too. my other friend, also an accounting major, said that she previously took it and that the teacher was really nice and knew what she was doing but wasn’t that good at explaining things. given my previous high school experience learning java (which this college class will teach), where my class was basically a bunch of dudes and i was this like shy freshman girl who didnt really know anyone + the teacher was an unhelpful and rude dudebro, i was like, hey ill take a well meaning nice female teacher any day.

at this point, i was also talking to my friends and other japanese class classmates about this problem, that i would have to give up the class i wanted. now, my advisor used to work at another nearby college that is highly regarded as a school for basically geniuses + it also had a japanese language class. and many more. because it is like 100% cooler than my school and also bigger.

but anyways, my teacher said that she would ask her former coworkers about who teaches the japanese class so i could go there and take an assessment test and maybe cross register. so i was like cool and so i went and it turns out that of course the other college for basically geniuses had a different more vigorous curriculum so i wasnt like super good at the assessment.

anyways i ended up like totally embarrassing myself in front of this dude. i could read some things + there was some furigana but i knew most of the kanji that came up in the sample text that the teacher of the other school had me read, but my class really didnt focus much on katakana so i looked like an idiot when trying to sound out the word festival. the teacher did tell me tho that my learning was strange (knowing kanji/previously took chinese for ~5 years, but didnt know the words to drive a car or katakana) so i was maybe between what their version of beginner 1 and beginner 2 was. now, i wasn’t exactly expecting to pass this test when i came in to his office but i was just really disappointed in myself i guess and embarrassed and stuff?

plus the big problem was that i kinda told most of my friends about this assessment meeting, including the teacher of my school’s intermediate class that i would have to give up. logically i would just tell them that i simply didnt pass and would have to give up the class to take the programming class. however, the programming class was full. all 40 seats. so i decided to hold onto my class schedule position in the language class but then i realized oh wait i told people about the programming class too...

so it’d be like awkward to show up to the language class when the school year starts and everyone is just like hey i thought you went to that programming class. and id be like it was full because i didnt immediately drop this class when i should have back in april because im an indecisive person.

i just kinda sat on it for the past three months of summer, hoping that when the school year starts i can just email the teacher and ask if she’s accepting one more person. honestly tho the seat limit is probs more about the amount of computers in the library computer lab but it wont hurt to try right? but also then it was july (now august) and i was like super hesitant to email this teacher because its summer and its been like three months since school ended.

so i kinda resigned myself to my fate of having to go to school in late august and being like “yoooo im here bc im an idiot with 0 confidence to sign up for things.”

but then

yesterday i decided to just check the school site for the schedules and classes this upcoming year and i saw that the seat availability had gone from 40/40 to 39/40. i quickly signed up. im so glad now i dont have to look like an idiot when i go back! still kinda like totally bummed that i have to give up learning intermediate japanese tho. i want my $25 moneys worth of the books i brought lol

but also i guess its like totally a miracle that this happened. i guess someone decided to leave after hearing the teacher wasn’t good at explaining or that the class is a bit hard (ah i really volunteered for more suffering than usual huh).

i also wonder if i can take intermediate chinese twice since the people in the chinese beginner class were so interested that they decided to make intermediate chinese a thing againnn! basically during freshman year first semester i took intermediate chinese bc i took chinese in high school for 4 years. it was p fun and my older classmates were nice. altho the class empathized speaking more than in my high school class + the teacher was from taiwan and used traditional characters + my older classmates apparently went to taiwan during the summer together with the other chinese teacher. so it was a bit hard to compete with them. but my classmate said i was p good with recognizing hanzi so thats like the only thing im good at i guess lol. i still kinda want to improve my speaking altho honestly the 4 tones are kinda hard when youre like literally kinda deaf. (curse you genetics. curse you cochlea.) i feel tho that like having classmates this time that i 1) actually know 2) are actually my age and not college seniors 3) also are working on their tones bc they just got into chinese too would be i guess a bit more encouraging. also, its mai-laoshi! shes seems like super nice. the other teacher was actually from another school and i feel like she didnt like me as much since i couldnt speak very well.

hmm but like..really..taking the same class twice..i wonder if such a thing is ok?

not only that but also even if i do join the chinese class i would basically be learning the same thing over again (altho also i kinda forget it so maybe ill be on the same level as my classmates lol). but then like if next semester i dont have the same time conflicts then i would have to choose between taking intermediate chinese part 2 or intermediate japanese part 2 (the intermediate teacher said that if i self study to keep up with my classmates she’d let me in next semester (even tho im bad at self study i kinda want to try this lol)). aararhahofnagkhtirekagnhieoghoeoag hiaeohgieahgiah

what a dilemma.

#gummytruck rambles #school junk #bluh

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