#i should say i binged it in way too short of a time and it was probably bad for my mental health ????

[candidsoup]

Word of Honor - I realized something in Ep. 16

I realized that there was something that they probably cropped/zoomed in on the video in order to censor.

Spoilers for episode 16...

Episode 16 on YouTube

The Scorpion King and Zhao Jing are talking, and at about about 29:44 you can see Scorpion's arms move up for a fraction of a second. Then it zooms in a tiny bit to basically just show Scorpion's head, and Zhao Jing from like the top 4th? of his torso up. At 29:45-:46 you can see part of Zhao Jing's robe move a tiny bit. Scorpion is clearly pulling on part of his robe in a playful manner and they were like, oh, uh, we can't show that..... but if you pay attention that's definitely what is happening... I got the "vibes" between them already from this interaction, which is the 2nd time they're shown together. (Ep. 15 shows them talking but with Zhao Jing purposely obscured, so you just know Scorpion has some mysterious "godfather" -- the subs on Youku say "father" but "godfather" is what it said on Netflix, I believe, and may be a better translation for English speakers to understand they are NOT related...) I was surprised that not everyone gets the relationship they have with each other, tbh. Even if it's not clear earlier on, when that metaphor of the "gambler" comes in, and Scorpion says something like "I am a gambler too"..... I mean come on. But not everyone realized it? (Based on comments on YT videos and some people's reactions I've seen) Still, I wasn't aware of this little robe pull, at least not consciously, until just now. I just love noticing those little details. Knowing how much work they put in to include things, even if they might have been censored later, is fascinating (and really special!!!) to me.

[samkerrworshipper]

underneath the surface

umm so i’m back.. kind of? this fic was a rollercoaster but i hold it very near and dear to my heart. i hope you all enjoy it and find some comfort in it because i definitely do <3

warnings: no warnings just some medical jargon and talks of endometriosis!

Alexia has always been credited for her attentiveness.

Most people say that it’s the reason she’s such a good captain, and of course, she denies to everybody that she just goofs around less than some of her teammates.

But, inevitably, it’s true, Alexia is a lot more attentive than other people. She pays attention to the small things, the under the surface things, things that most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid at.

Although, in her opinion, she doesn’t need to be observant nor attentive to be curious about this one part of your relationship.

It doesn’t take brilliant observation skills to recognise a pattern, from the age of two most people are able to recognise patterns. For a two year old, it’s colours and shapes and different farm animals. For Alexia it’s become an observation.

It’s routine, a pattern, a constant repeat in your relationship that for the first few months she ignored.

Like a broken record constantly repeating itself, every month, without fail, you disappeared for a couple of nights.

Not literally, for those days you’ll retreat of the pitch and inside to the gym but Alexia still sees you everyday, and for the most part, you’ll still go out for coffee with her and go on walks together, but for at least three nights, sometimes up to 7, there are no sleepovers, no late night movie binges, no dinners.

It went unnoticed by Alexia for longer than normal, love was Alexia’s biggest weakness and it subtly impaired her abilities to be as observant as she prided herself.

Who could blame her? It was hard to be detail oriented when she was too busy enjoying the puppy dog love that came from realising that she was so in love with her life with you, even if it was still relatively new.

But, even with her focus partially impaired, it didn’t take a whole lot of skills to recognise the abnormality of what was occurring.

It was particularly abnormal, because for every other day of the month, you spent your nights at Alexia’s. Alexia would even go as far to say that you're pretty much moved into her apartment. Your dog had a bed in her apartment, your training kit and bag had a permanent spot at her door, most of your clothes were now sitting next to Alexia’s in her wardrobe.

Your apartment, for the most part, existed purely for the sake of storing all of your furniture. Alexia had brought up leasing it, you’d been dating for almost a year now and whilst it was a short time to move in with each other, the two of you spent so much time together that to her it made the most sense. Beyond that, it was her way of testing the water, to see if her observation was as real as she began to think it was.

Your immediate denial of the idea confirmed what she had been beginning to think.

Originally, she’d thought that maybe you were overwhelmed from constantly being around Alexia, it was a lot being at training together all day and then heading home to each other.

It didn't make sense though.

When you were together, you were attached at the hip. You were both naturally clingy towards each other and after questioning Mapi about it, as ambiguously as she could, she was backed up in that it wasn’t normal behaviour for an overwhelmed person to be so eager to be so connected.

So, the theory was canned and when the following month the same thing happened, Alexia’s curiosity peaked once again.

She moved onto a theory that maybe it was some kind of homesickness, that you just needed to sleep in your own bed a couple of nights every month.

But not only did you constantly complain about your own apartment and how unhomey it felt in comparison to Alexia’s, it was always the same week every month.

Which should have been the biggest clue, and yet for whatever reason it had completely slipped past Alexia.

It was only when one of the team doctors had approached Alexia about her cycle changing, that it all clicked for her.

Alexia’s period had skipped, and they’d logged it a couple of months ago. Obviously, without noticing, it had been because the two of you had synched up, which made plenty of sense.

Alexia’s period was an inconvenience, but it wasn’t a true bother, just something she had to put up with. In all honesties though, for her, her period was nothing to her, she had hardly any symptoms, her body functioned the exact same way, everything was almost the exact same.

Yet, every month, when apparently your period came around, you happened to disappear for a couple of days. Alexia would have loved to think it was a coincidence, but with her new knowledge, she decided to put it to test.

She wasn’t surprised, when the following month her own period came, a couple of days later you were back to hiding out at your place for a couple of nights.

Like lightwork, when you came back to Alexia, you were the exact same, like nothing had happened, and yet Alexia was certain that there was something being hidden underneath the surface.

A lot of people were insecure about their period, Alexia had grown up in a house full of girls, her period had been anything but stigmatised, and she was grateful for that.

She was self aware enough though to know that not everybody was fortunate enough to have that same experience. She was also aware that unfortunately, sometimes peoples partners could be unaccepting and close minded about those kinds of things.

So, when the following month, Alexia got her period and without fail, four days later you mentioned that you would drive yourself to training so that you could head back to your apartment afterwards, Alexia was already plotting away.

She had time to think about it during video review that day, there wasn’t a lot to focus on then when the team was coming off of a 4-0 win to Atletico and anything that was of importance, aAlexia had already noted when she’d watched the immediately after the game.

It was a sound plan in her mind, chocolate, a heat pack, your favourite italian takeaway, Alexia’s favourite hoodie that you always tried to steal and your favourite blanket from her apartment.

Alexia wanted you to know that you could be just as comfortable in her home, regardless of what was happening. Hopefully, in knowing that, you’d let go of the part of you that was so clearly avoiding Alexia.

Alexia, above being observant, liked to be a problem solver. She liked to take initiative, she liked to fix things.

So, after a shower and a quick snack when she’d returned home, she packed up all of the supplies. On the way to your apartment, which she hadn’t visited in months, she picked up food and then was on her way.

In the early months of your relationship, it had just been easier for the two of you to spend time at Alexia’s because it was closer to the training grounds and more lived in.

Whilst you’d been living in Barcelona now for nearly three years, your home was still in England, and it had been hard for you to fully settle into Barcelona even if it was your home for now.

Alexia knew it, so she’d welcomed you into her home with open arms. It had been heartwarming for her to slowly watch you integrate yourself into Alexia’s life, it made her happier then anything else.

So, she made her mind up that whatever this bump was, she was going to help you get over it, so that she could have all of you, and most importantly so you would feel like Alexia cared.

The feeling that Alexia got as she pulled up next to your car in the lot of your apartment was chilling, in her gut it felt like something was wrong. It was a feeling that set into Alexia's stomach as she stepped out of her car and hurried to collect her things before making her way over to the elevator.

Alexia stays as composed as she can manage, even though on the inside, the worry is starting to set in.

It’s not like theoretically she has anything to worry about, it’s not like this is an abnormal situation, but the weird feeling in Alexia’s stomach is putting her off and the only thing that she can think will make it better is seeing your face.

All Alexia wants to do is wrap you up in her arms for a moment, for her own peace of mind, to stop the off feeling that has been resonating inside of her as she’s tried to get to the bottom of this problem, that’s not really a problem. It’s an inconsistency, and one thing about Alexia is that she doesn’t like inconsistency. She fixes problems, she doesn’t enjoy living life whilst there is something that isn’t quite right, and she needs to make this right.

Alexia knocks at your door quietly, two little raps that she hopes you hear.

When she receives nothing in response, she knocks again, this time a little bit louder.

Alexia waits a few seconds, whilst it’s been a couple of hours since your session there is the off chance that you're in the shower or bath.

After quite a bit of waiting with no noises from the other side of the door, Alexia knocks once more, already pulling her keychain from her pocket and feeling for the spare key to your apartment.

When she finds it, she pulls it up to the lock, waiting just a few more seconds before slotting it into the keyhole and twisting it until it clicks.

The first thing Alexia notices is that your apartment is completely pitch black and if it weren’t for the fact that she saw your car earlier, she might have just left.

Alexia tiptoes her way through the entryway and into your kitchen, it’s hard to see much with all of the blinds pulled shut and none of the lights on, so she blindly feels around for the light switch until she finally finds it and flicks it.

The immediate groan that comes from the direction of your couch definitely does not go unnoticed by Alexia.

“Lights off.”

As fast as she can, Alexia turns the light back off, before curiously tiptoeing over to the edge of your couch.

You’re a lump under a pile of blankets, but she’s able to make out the shape of your body underneath it.

“Hey baby.”

You groan again, and the feeling in Alexia’s stomach only gets worse.

Alexia takes a few steps forwards, assessing you in front of her.

Her hand reaches out tentatively for you, she feels around the mass of blankets until she feels a part of your body underneath the pile of fluff, she follows the lump until she makes her way up to your head.

Your whole body is warm, or the blankets are warm, she isn’t actually quite sure where the blankets end and your body starts.

“Why are you here?”

Your voice is all croaky, and Alexia is certain you must be sick and she’s somehow missed all the symptoms of it.

“I wanted to spend the night with you.”

Alexia’s hand finally finds a bit of skin on your neck and she traces her fingers until she finds your jawline.

“Go home, Ale.”

The sound of your voice is making Alexia antsy, she can’t believe she’s missed the fact that you are sick.

“No, bebita, you’re sick and I’m here to look after you. I have your favourite food and chocolate, we can cuddle up in bed and you can sleep this off. I brought my hoodie for you.”

Alexia turns your head up, so your hair is peaking out of the blanket mound and she can see your squinted eyes.

“I’m not sick, Alexia.”

You keep your eyes crammed shut for the sake of not making the pounding headache you have any worse.

“Bebita, you’re all hot and croaky, it’s okay to be sick, I’m here to look after you.”

If you weren’t working so hard to keep your eyes closed you’d roll them, but that seems like far too much work for right now.

“Alexia I’m not sick, I’m just on my period.”

Alexia’s brow furrows, if your eyes weren’t closed you’d catch it. It’s the same furrow that always happens when Alexia thinks somebody else is wrong and she’s right.

“Bebita, this seems like a little bit more than a period. It’s okay, I’m here.”

You groan and Alexia recoils slightly.

“It’s just my period.”

Your deadpan makes Alexia confused.

“Your period shouldn’t be this bad. Are you having some heatstroke? It’s been warm out today, or are you having a migraine? You need to remember to hydrate.”

Your head is throbbing and Alexia’s theories aren’t helping.

“I have endometriosis Alexia, this is what my period looks like.It’s not fucking heatstroke or a sickness it’s just how my body is..”

Out of everything Alexia had been suspecting, that wasn’t it.

It suddenly dawns on Alexia that she can’t fix what you’ve just told her, she’s standing in front of you completely dumbfounded at what to do in this moment.

Alexia is a problem solver, she finds solutions for the biggest and smallest problems, and yet she doesn’t have a solution for the problem she is being faced with.

“Baby, just go home, the first night for me is always the worst, if I feel better I can hang out with you tomorrow.”

Alexia doesn’t have a solution to the pain you are going through, but she knows she isn’t going to let you suffer alone. The information that you’ve been doing this by yourself for a year now is making Alexia feel like the worst girlfriend ever and she’s going to change that.

“No, bebita, no. I’m staying here tonight, I’m here for you mi vida. Would it make you feel better if we got you into bed or into a bath? What’s going to make you more comfortable? Have you had medication? How about some food?”

When another groan leaves your lips, Alexia becomes aware that she’s approaching this the wrong way.

“How about I go and put the food in your kitchen and you decide what’s going to make you feel best. I’m here for whatever you need, okay?”

Alexia quietly tiptoes back into your kitchen, taking her time to put her things away and pulling two bottles of water from your fridge before making her way back into your living room.

You’ve emerged from your pile by the time she is back, your eyes are still closed but just seeing your face makes Alexia’s nerves settle just a little bit.

“Can we go to my bed, please?”

Alexia smiles at you softly.

“Of course amor, do you want me to carry you or do you think you can walk?”

The apprehension on your face is enough of a answer for Alexia.

She walks over towards you, picking up your blanket fort and body like it’s nothing and gently lifting you up, stepping carefully in the direction of your bedroom.

You groan out at the change of position, nothing feels good at the moment but Alexia’s arms are more comforting than the scratchy material of your couch cushions.

When she makes it to your bed, she lowers you down like you are the most delicate piece of glass, making sure that you’re tucked underneath the sheets before easing you out of your arms.

“Do you need anything? Heat pack? Water? Talk?”

Again, all Alexia’s words do is make the itching pain all over your body ten times worse, it’s all consuming and makes you feel choked.

“Bed, hugs, that’s all I want.”

Alexia is antsy, she wants to make the pain you are in better, she wants to know what to do right now instead of being completely blind in the situation.

“Are you sure? How about some pain relief or a cold compress?”

Alexia is no doctor, and up until five minutes ago she had absolutely no idea about this whole situation and whether she feels like she can admit it or not she’s terrified about it all.

She’s made up her mind that as soon as you're asleep she’s going to go on a deep dive of google searches to get to the bottom of this whole situation, but that will have to wait.

“Alexia, if you want to be here, just get into bed and give me some fucking hugs. I’m not in the mood to be told what to do with my body when I’ve been dealing with this for years, make up your mind of whether you want to be here or not.”

Alexia avoids conflict with you at all costs, she’s earned the title around your football friends of being your puppy dog, because she simply agrees to anything and everything that leaves your lips, and hearing you remotely mad at her makes her crumble.

“Sorry bebita, I’m so sorry, you’re right. I’m here for whatever you need.”

Alexia makes quick work of slipping her shoes off, something she never got around to in the darkness of your entryway.

She follows by taking her socks and outer layers off, stripping down until she’s in her tank top and a pair of old Barcelona training shorts.

Once she’s done she creeps around to the other side of your bed, slipping underneath the covers as subtly as she can manage.

When she’s completely covered, she lies back, unsure of how to approach all of this new information.

“You’re lying like a rigid corpse.”

Alexia gulps, she can see you in her peripherals, you look absolutely exhausted and in the kindest way possible, ten years older with the amount of wrinkles across your skin, bumps and ridges she can only imagine are the tightness holding in all of the struggle that you’re going through underneath the surface.

“Alexia, I’m okay, I’m not dying.”

Alexia knows theoretically that is true, she doesn’t have endometriosis and she’s not close to anybody who does, but she knows what it is. She knows it’s not cancer or something life-threatening, but the depth of the realisation that you’ve been suffering for so long and have kept it from Alexia is slowly pulling her apart at the seams.

You roll over slightly, it causes shocks of pain to go up and down your back and stomach, but you need the comfort as much as Alexia does, even if she isn’t ready to accept it.

She’s going through her process, compartmentalising all of it so she can be the brave and stoic face she always is.

You’re used to it, and you’ve come to realise that even though in these kinds of situations it seems like Alexia needs to be left alone, in reality she needs to be kept close by her nearest and dearest.

So, you worm your way on top of her body, it makes the cramps ten times worse and the nausea takes control of your stomach, forcing somersault after somersault, but when Alexia’s arms reach around you out of instinct it’s worth it.

You’re in pain, your uterus feels like it’s got knives embedded along the lining of it, like there are needles poking in and out of your back and gunshots being fired across your lower abdomen. But you’re well used to it, you’re used to the feeling of needing to throw up from having such intense throbbing pain across your whole core.

You’re used to the pounding headaches and migraines that come naturally from your body being so inflamed and agitated that all the tension eventually spreads to every single inch of your body, from the tips of your fingers to the edges of your toes.

Your head settles on Alexia’s shoulder, and her hand snakes it’s way down to the outside of your thigh, she’s being more cautious than she’s ever been with you and the normal you would probably be heartwarmed by her sweetness but the part of you that is currently seeing the worst kind of stars because of the cramps coursing through your body is just desperate to climb into her bones now that she is here with you.

It’s been ingrained in you since you were a kid that it was best to not bother other people with your weakness, it was your own struggle, your own burden.

You’d kept it from Alexia for this sole purpose, for the purpose that you knew she would take it all on as her problem, that she would try and fix it all and spend all of her time and energy trying to solve it all when you just wanted her to treat you the exact same.

She treated you like a princess everyday, but add a crippling reproductive condition and you knew she’d treat you like a priceless artefact. You were grateful you had a person in your life who would move heaven and earth in such a way for you but it was suffocating sometimes, when you were functioning on a normal level.

It was with those thoughts running rampant in your head that you slipped off into the same light sleep that you were lucky to drift into in these circumstances.

Whilst you drifted off, Alexia was left alone with her own thoughts.

Insecurity wasn’t something Alexia experienced often, she was secure in her body, she is as secure in her football as she has been since her knee injury, she’s secure in her family and up until today she felt completely secure in her relationship.

Now, she doesn’t know how she feels.

She knows that it’s likely you have a good reason to have kept this a secret, or a reason that you’ve justified to yourself. She knows underneath it all, you’re the one who’s secretly been hiding a big insecurity from her and she has no right to be truly mad about it, she’s disappointed that you haven’t felt able to share this with her when it feels like Alexia has bared all of her deepest, boniest secrets with you.

She does what makes sense, she reaches for her phone from her short pocket and begins to google all of the big questions that are swirling around in her mind.

You might have wanted to keep this a secret from Alexia but now that she knows about it she’d be a bad girlfriend if she didn’t educate herself on this.

So, instead of drifting off to sleep, Alexia drifts off into the land of medical journals and words that she doesn’t understand the meaning of but she’s determined to figure out.

You wake up in the morning in less of a state of excruciating suffering, instead of being stuck in a fiery inferno of hell you feel like you're dancing more on the periphery.

Your body is warm, in a way that makes you feel less like your insides are scorching you from the inside and more like you're generally just hot.

It feels like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon as you try to unroll from the blankets that you’d swaddled yourself in the night beforehand in an attempt to try and make yourself feel as small as possible in hopes it would somehow shrink down everything you were feeling.

It’s a feverish dream, and as you recall your night, blotches begin to come back to you and the memory of your girlfriend appearing somewhere along the way makes the dull cramps across the front of your stomach beat in a way that makes you uncomfortably uneasy all over again.

As you assess your surroundings and open your eyes for what feels like the first time in months, you notice that Alexia is no longer in bed with you.

It’s all extremely faint in your head and there is an off chance you’ve dreamt it all up, but the very faint smell of coffee drifting through the air and folded up clothes sitting on the dresser on the wall across from your bed.

You’re feeling less deathly than last night, so you wager your chances with slowly sitting up in your bed, when you don’t feel any different you begin to lift your legs up.

Your muscles ache in the same way they do every time your period comes around, they tweak and they constrict like you’re an eighty year old instead of a twenty something.

It’s rough, it’s uncomfortable and it’s painful but it’s life.

It’s your life, it’s your burden, it’s your problem and knowing that Alexia is now a part of it all makes you queasy in a completely different way.

Your heavy on your feet as you stand up and begin to creep towards the door of your bedroom, with every step every one of your toes grinds against the floorboards. Your heel digs in, your ankles crunch, your body moves in a way that mirrors the way that you are crumbling from within. On these kinds of days, weeks and months, everything hurts. Everything is an effort.

Once you make it to your open door, you steady yourself against it, your nerves are working against you, everything inside of you is actively trying to stop you and you’ll be damned if you let it happen.

You only stand still long enough for it to be classified in your brain as a stall, not a break, not a stop. You can’t stop in times like this, if you stop then you’ll never get going again and that is a whole pit of fuckedupness that you aren’t ready to dive into.

From the door, you try your hardest to tiptoe your way through the hallway to your living space, but it’s impossible in your body.

As you inch closer, the sound of Alexia only becomes more apparent and obvious, and as you creep closer the agitation across your body only gets worse.

As you reach the archway between your hallway and living space, the sight in front of you makes your heart throb and your uterus ache even worse then it already is.

Alexia is swaying in your kitchen, apparently to whatever music she has playing in her head. There is coffee on the counter, accompanied by two bottles of juice and water, like she couldn’t decide what would be best. To accompany the extra drinks is toast, eggs, bacon and pancakes on the stove.

It’s too much.

With the combination of hormones in your bloodstream you’re honestly impressed that you don’t burst into tears.

Alexia’s still here.

Alexia, sweet, loyal Alexia.

You’ve been conditioned to keep all of this a secret, that during this week it’s best to keep yourself and everything you’re going through hidden, for the best of yourself and for everyone around you. Yet, here Alexia is doing way too much for you.

You’re downward spiralling when her voice breaks you out.

“Hey bebe.”

Her voice is close to a coo, the same voice she uses with Irene’s son. You don’t let it affect you in the moment, but you’ll think about the tactic of it later.

“I have food for you, and coffee if you want it, but google told me that sometimes that’s not always good for endometriosis. So I got juice as well, because google also said it might help with inflammation.”

The thought behind it is extremely sweet, and you feel slightly overwhelmed by all of the options.

“You didn’t need to do that for me.”

Alexia frowns, it’s slight and hardly noticeable, but the little wrinkle between her eyebrows is an immediate tell.

“I wanted to, I want to help you, however I can.”

The sentiment behind her words is lost in the sudden shock that you experience as her words settle in, you’ve never met a single person, besides a doctor whose job it was to help you, that gave a shit about this.

When you have no words, Alexia finds some for you.

“I want to talk to you about this, I want to know about it, I want to help you. We’re partners, we do everything together, and I want to do this with you. I don’t want you to lock me out and I don’t want you suffering alone. I’m here for this, I’m here for you to lean on.”

You nod your head, her words feel like a drug, like it’s lifting away some of the pain you’re going through.

“I’m serious, this isn’t something you can hide from me. You looked after me when I hurt my knee and I am here to look after you in the same way when you’re in pain. Bebita?”

Alexia’s hand falls to your side, caressing your hip gently.

“I’m not used to people knowing about this, and I’m even more not used to people caring, I’m sorry, it’s just a lot to process.”

Alexia’s face softens, and before you can say any other stupid mumbles, she pulls you from the hip into her body. Her arms are warm, and yet oddly they soothe your prickly skin.

You melt into Alexia, you feel like shit but she makes you feel marginally better.

“Coffee, or juice?”

You stifle a giggle that falls from your lips.

“Juice, please.”

Alexia relaxes her arms, taking a step back.

“Can I get you any pain relief, or a new heat pack? Is your headache better?”

Alexia looks at you with so much genuine care that it’s hard to not feel embarrassed.

“Pain relief doesn’t sit well in my stomach on a good day. I save heat packs for when the cramps are really bad or else they don’t have the same effect. My headaches normally are at the end of the day as a result of tension build up during the day.”

Alexia looks as if she’s taking mental note of everything you’ve just told her, for later.

“How about some food, hmm?”

You want to say yes, because Alexia’s clearly gone to so much effort for you, but you know that if you eat this early and then train your stomach contents is going to end up on a pitch or somewhere inconvenient.

“My stomach won’t keep it if we train later, I’m better to eat afterwards.”

Alexia’s brow furrows once again.

“I called the doctor and Pere this morning, we’re both taking today off.”

Everything warm and good about the moment fades, and suddenly all you feel is confusion.

“Why did you do that?”

Alexia steps away from you and retreats into your kitchen, grabbing a glass for you and picking up the bottle of juice that she knows you prefer.

“Because I thought you were dying last night, and you can’t tell me that all of that has just disappeared this morning. You’re struggling and you don’t need to push through pain to prove that you are worthy or good enough. You’re self worth shouldn’t be dictated by you proving to yourself that you can work through a chronic disease. I’m sorry that I didn't notice earlier and that I wasn't there for you earlier but I'm here to advocate for you now.”

You want to tell Alexia that you don’t need an advocate, you can advocate just fine for yourself. But a part of you knows that she doesn’t want to hear it and that part of you is also the part that is crippling from the inside and simply doesn’t have the energy to argue with your girlfriend.

“I train just fine normally.”

Alexia can’t argue that, even though you spend the time in the gym, she’s never heard of anything out of the ordinary occurring.

“But you don’t have to. In fact when I talked to our doctor she told me that she’d been insisting on you being more cautious of your cycle and spending more time resting during it considering your history.”

You roll your eyes, taking the glass of juice Alexia offers you.

Alexia plates up a breakfast that could feed a family of four, but it makes you feel less bad for not eating any of it.

“It’s my body, I know my limits.”

You focus on your glass of juice and not the face Alexia makes at you.

“You know how to continuously meet and exceed your limits, but what about just leaving them and giving yourself some peace. I know nothing about what you are going through, I can only sympathise. But I know this must be incredibly hard and I know you definitely do not give yourself enough grace and definitely don’t care for your needs enough. I’m here for you to confide in, I’ve done my research, I’m prepared to help however you need.”

It’s endearing how clearly prepared Alexia has made herself.

“You’ve done your research, hmm?”

Alexia nods proudly.

“Lots of it. Like about how orgasms can help with cramps.”

She looks like she’s going to say more, but you splutter your juice straight back into your cup, causing her to stop.

Alexia’s always been more open with her sexuality then you are, it’s culturally more acceptable in Spain but she also grew up with it being slightly more normalised.

“Alexia.”

Her grin is broad, like she’s proud that she’s managed to embarrass you.

“It’s true! Although for some people endometriosis can cause pain whilst having sex, so if you’re one of those people then it may not work but if you want to try I’m happy to help, fingers, toys, everything but mouths is on the table.”

Your blush only gets more cemented.

“I’m okay for right now, the thought of any kind of intimacy makes my fallopian tubes ache.”

Alexia nods her head, you are certain that sometime in the future this topic will arise again. Alexia’s rabbit-like sex drive makes it hard to not involve sex in everything you do together.

“Can I ask what your symptoms normally look like?”

Alexia’s lip is caught between her teeth, it’s the first time she’s looked nervous this entire conversation.

“Of course. Normally for me, I get bad pelvic pain which never really goes away, sweats, fever sometimes, cramps everywhere, i bloat, i get quite nauseous and occasionally it can make me moody. Furthermore, it can cause me to have migraines, some joint pain, insomnia, there are other things but those are the main ones. Overall it just makes me drained, i’m more fatigued but I can’t sleep, it makes me feel pretty lifeless.”

Alexia nods, she listens to every single word with so much attention.

“I always assumed the scars on your stomach were from getting your appendix removed, but I’m assuming now it’s a laparoscopy?”

You’re impressed by the level of detail Alexia has gone to for you.

“I have had my appendix removed but also yes, I’ve had two laparoscopy’s and I’m putting off getting my third done.”

Alexia nods.

“Do they make it better?”

You bite your lip before nodding.

“It’s never perfect, but for a bit it definitely makes my symptoms better. I’m putting off getting my next one because the last time I did it put me out of action for two months and it took me a while to get back to where I was. My body is different, it changes you. Before you ask, I’ve tried birth control, I’ve tried IUD’s, I’ve tried other forms of contraception, they all made it impossible for me to play football.”

Alexia shakes her head.

“I wasn’t going to ask you that, it’s your decision what you do and don’t put in your body, and I’m sure you’re just making whatever decisions work best for you.”

It’s refreshing having somebody not question what you do and don’t do for yourself.

“That means a lot to me.”

Alexia puts down her cutlery, her food somehow disappearing into her stomach.

“It’s just what love is, and I’m here to love you for forever, if you’ll let me.”

You’ve put off crying, you’ve tried your very best, but it’s not possible anymore.

The tears fall freely, and before you know it Alexia has pulled you into her lap.

It hurts, everything hurts, and yet everything feels so much better knowing you’re in her arms.

“I’ve got you bebita, I’m here now, I’m here to help you work this all out.”

——————————————————————

whelp that’s done! thoughts, feedback and general opinions would be appreciated! i’m so happy to have made something for yall and it’s rushed and super unedited and definitely not my favorite work but i hope you enjoy it all the same 🫶

[chuthulhu-plays]

I generally watch LPs of horror games bc I'm too anxious to actually play them but a lot of them have FANTASTIC stories, so sometimes I just binge-watch KrinxTV for background noise. Been watching a lot of playthroughs of Still Wakes The Deep because it's such a delight to hear Scottish voice actors get work and I thought I'd address some questions I keep seeing Let's Players ask:

--Adair is a member of the National Front as you can find out from posters in his cabin, a Neo-Fascist British political party that’s been going since the sixties. While it often preaches British ethnic unity, in practice that often means “everybody in the UK should be exactly like East End Londerners” and features plentiful disdain for Scottish, Irish, and Welsh folk, alongside those perceived as “not British”. No wonder the wanker eats alone in the canteen.

--Neeps and Tatties=turnips and potatoes, mashed, drenched in butter or sauce. Fills your belly, keeps you warm, probably makes you sink like a stone because it’s so heavy.

--Cranachan=a dessert made of raspberries, honey, cream and oats, absolutely delicious

--Rennick calls Caz a “wee ned prick”. Ned is apocryphally said to stand for “non-educated delinquent” and is basically just a way of calling someone an uneducated, lower-class criminal

--A lot of things said by and about Roy indicate that he’s a teetotaller who went through AA and specifically became Catholic and is making an effort at converting Caz.

--I think it’s entertaining how Scottish nicknames often follow a pattern of shortening/rejiggering that I also see a lot with Australian nicknames—Cameron becomes Caz, Rafferty becomes Raffs, etc. Trots is an unusual one but is almost certainly a reference to him being a communist, presumably a Trotskyist. Gibbo is also an unusual one in that it’s just very silly. There’s a kind of indignity implied in being killed by a guy called Gibbo.

--A few times on the radio you hear the Shipping Forecast, a type of weather report aimed at specifically reporting weather conditions out on the ocean, and is also famous for the report being read in such a calm, soothing tone that some folk use it as a sleep aid.

--All the yellow paint for interactable things is very video gamey, yes, but is also in line with old British health and safety standards, and yellow paint on things like emergency ladders or on the edges of stairs that are trip hazards is a thing ou can still see in some older buildings.

--Caz keeps saying he’s “good with the leccy”; leccy=electricity. Caz is implied to be quite a wee guy who can get through a lot of tight spaces, and my uncle swears blind that electricians used to refuse to take on apprentices over a certain size because they only wanted to train wee guys who could get up into the tight spaces that a lot of older buildings are full of. On that note, “wee man” is a term of endearment, generally, and isn’t exclusively applied to short guys.

--Finlay saying of Gibbo that “he’s no right” is INCREDIBLY OMINOUS. It sounds mild but “he’s no right, that boy” is what older folk say about a child who’s been found disembowelling cats for fun or someone they strongly suspect is a pedophile. It’s not something you’d say about a friend who’s just acting a bit unusually.

– “Great minds united over a Buckie”--Buckfast, or Buckie, is a caffienated tonic wine that’s cheap, widely accessible, and is a bit like rocket fuel for bad decisions.

– “Ya roaster” tbh I don’t really know where it comes from, calling someone a roaster, but I’ve always felt like it has a vibe of telling them they’re huffing their own farts.

--Scunnert/scunnered--buggered, screwed, utterly fucked, etc

– “You’re the jammiest bastart on this rig” Someone who is jammy is someone who has incredible luck that is implied to be related to their sheer confidence or willingness to engage in risky behaviour. Walking along the street and finding a pound coin isn’t jammy; crossing the road confident that the cars won’t hit you and stopping in the middle to pick up a pound coin before making it unscathed to the other side is jammy as all hell.

--Barlinnie is the biggest prison in Scotland, and largely hosts violent offenders—it’s where Caz would definitely go for hospitalizing a man.

--Weans are children (contraction of wee yins/wee ones). I thought this one was contextually obvious but apparently not.

SPOILERS BELOW

--”One spark and the whole thing’ll go up”—this is referring to the wee spark of flame in the lighter used to blow up the rig, but is also kind of a pun because electricians are often called sparks or sparkies, and in the end it’s Caz who blows up the rig.

[tornioduva]

Dungeon meshi and body proportions

Ok, i'm feeling the rush i got from binging the manga this last week is starting to fade away, i'll be back to being a normal person soon i think. at least, that is before i find a new something for me to dive into uhuh.

Before that happens, i want to praise Ryoko Kui for one last think. The design of the characters!

For years i've expressed (maybe not so much online) my hate towards the "anime style", this homogenization of traits and beauty standards to an artificial degree, and the mass spread and consumption of it. yes, trends exist for a reason, this is not the first nor the last art current to be popular and i'm not the first detractor of one in history. I do think there is something uniquely harmful in this one though, and that is why i'm able to find the energy to be such a pretentious dipshit about it. That is a discussion for another day though.

All this to say that going through Dungeon Meshi and seiing these characters, plus (and in a way because of it) all the additional sketches of the daydream hour bonus sections, was such a breath of fresh air! (at least for what concerns japanese exported stories)

All i could say and praise in regard to character designs in general is perfectly expressed in this video, which i recommend you to watch if you want to hear my opinions (and the video author's too, uhuh):

I want to leave you though with at least one specific praise for me: Falin.

i've seen countless time people (online) just not understanding how people's body work, how much differences there can be and how proportions do distribute and affect the body. in anime I see a lot of short and tall people (mostly women girls) that share the same proportions despite their actual height, and that often leads to think "yeah, she is short" and than she's tall when around someone, or (most often) the contrary. same lenght of limbs, same head to body proportions, and little details like this.

Falin you can tell at a glance she is a tall woman before she's around anyone, even when she is standing near her brother who is taller than her.

Kui did her homework in studying bodies and variations, and, whether consciously or not, she differentiated her in body in subtle but fundamental ways: her head being slightly smaller than her body, the neck being fairly long, and her having somewhat broader shoulders.

I accept that there might be an element of suggestion at play here, considering also how she is dressed most of the time, but I really do think there is a direct effort at differentiation here.

This is the first time in a long time (in a series like this at least) where i've seen a woman carrying herself around others and the space around here kind of like a person like me, tall, would; at first i didn't think much of it, but then i saw her near other characters and....i don't know, i felt a warm, joyful feeling, seeing that i was right in recognizing that trait and being right.

I was especially happy in seeing her next to marcille. not so much for the height difference, but for how different they were in proportions and mannerism. A lesser manga i fear would have used marcille's body type and way of moving and interacting as the default for most other girls, but here she was uniquely herself!

Now, i could've used more extreme exemples to show how this author rocks in body types representations (while aknowledging there could've been even more diversification still), given there are far larger, taller and stranger women, but to me, nailing the little, most subtle details in such a chirurgical manner shows a greater level of mastery and comprehension. As such, Falin left me with a deeper fascination than most other characters.

Sorry for this wall of text, but i needed to let my happy thoughts go, so that i could be free again uhuh.

Feel free to tell me that i'm wrong, or that i should just accept anime media as is. i'm just really happy Dungeon meshi exists as is and i want Ryoko Kui to keep refining her craft, and drawing beautiful women and dwarves.

Plus, this was very much a stream of consciousness, i didn't go into technical details about what i think conveyed what i described, but if someone is interested, or does not get what i'm saying (while expressing it in a curious and gentle way, i won't respond to spiteful assholes), i'll be happy to make a follow up post in which i try to dissect this! For example, i didn't reread the whole manga to find examples of her, i just went to the wiki uhuh. in a follow up post maybe i'll try to go through chapters and pick more specific examples of her.

Anyway, have a good day!

[htchnr]

★ gentle hands ❥ A. HOTCHNER.

➻❥ masterlist. ➻❥ patreon.

CW ➥ reader has issues with eating ⋆ very brief mention of an alcohol problem ⋆ mention of binge eating or not eating ⋆ sweet and sappy comfort fic ⋆ if i missed anything, lmk!

WC ➥ 1,3k. SONG ➥ chocolate mint , duster.

SUMMARY ➥ you've always had issues with food, you either eat too much, or not enough, or not at all. you've always struggled with it yourself, but now that you live together with Aaron it's a little difficult to avoid or hide. so when you tell him about your struggles, he comforts you. as requested by an anon, but i lost the ask 😭

AUTHORS NOTE ➥ i'm getting a little bit better! still feel like i've got the flu, but i've atleast been able to concentrate on writing a request! 😁 i'm gonna try my best to finish up the remaining Kinktober posts, those will at the very least be all done before the end of November!

★ - © 2023 HTCHNR. do not copy, share or translate my work to this platform, or any other! - ★

you rolled on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling as you tightened your jaw. the clock had briefly flashed 3:28AM when you moved. your hands clenching and unclenching at your sides.

the urge to eat something was so overbearingly painful. you weren't necessarily hungry, you just need something to eat. you've tried explaining it to therapists before, but it never came out the way it needed to. you've briefly talked about it with Morgan once, though ended up not continuing the conversation after you got a call about a case and left.

and you didn't want to bring it up with Aaron; he already worried about the smallest things, the tiny bad habits you had. Aaron was one of the best people you've met, but you felt like you only burdened him with your flaws. though if Aaron ever heard you say that, he'd crush you in a hug and force you to apologise. to yourself, for ever daring to think that you were a burden to him.

your fists clenched one more time before you sat up, rubbing your hands across your face in frustration. some nights food was comforting, other nights; like this night, it was a nuisance and it frustrated you so much, your self image took the bullet for it.

you carefully moved the blankets off of you, letting your feet quietly hit the cold wood floor of your bedroom. you glanced behind you at the figure in your bed; Aaron laid peacefully, the deep creases in his face looking more relaxed as he slept.

you brushed a hand through your hair as you quietly left the bedroom and walked towards the kitchen. you yawned as you pulled open the main cupboard where you kept most packaged foods like crackers, cookies, cereal etc. one hand holding the door, the other on the bare skin of your waist, you hadn't bothered putting anything else on beside the bralette and the pair of pyjama shorts you had worn to bed.

you hesitated, i should shut the door and just go back to bed, you thought to yourself. but your body moved on it's own accord, grabbing a box of cereal and two granola bars. your hold tightened around the bars, plastic crinkling in your grip before you set the items on the counter. you pulled open the fridge to grab the milk, and pulled out a rather large clean bowl from the dishwasher. you made a mental reminder to empty that out after you were done eating.

you poured the cereal into the bowl, hoping the sound didn't trigger Aaron and then twisted open the cap of the milk before pouring it in, the quiet 'crackle' of the cereal filling your ears.

you cracked open the dishwasher once more, grabbing a spoon and shoving it in the bowl, stirring and coating all the cereal in the milk. you took a bite, your tense form almost instantly relaxing a smidge as you chewed on the cereal. see? eating was a good idea. you stood facing the counter while you ate, stuck in your own headspace.

so much so that you hadn't noticed that Aaron had left the bedroom. you rather quickly finished the bowl of cereal, putting it down on the counter beside the sink. as you grabbed for one of the granola bars, a pair of warm, gentle hands slid around your waist and their fingers splayed across your stomach, followed by a pair of lips pressed against your bare shoulder.

"what are you doing up honey?" he asked quietly. he noticed the atmosphere the second he entered the kitchen. your hand tensed around the granola bar, before shoving it against the counter and letting it go. your frame was still tense, even against Aaron's warm body. you don't need the granola bar, you eat enough as it is.

you shook your head a second after Aaron's question. "it's nothing, i was just-" you paused. don't tell him, you'll just give him more to deal with. one side spoke. while the other side encouraged you to open up to him about this. "what's wrong? i can hear those brilliant gears turning. talk to me dear." he spoke endearingly, a slight tease to his tone, that left as soon as it came. you turned in Aaron's arms, your lower back now against the counter, the granola bars behind you as you faced Aaron's bare chest.

"it's nothing Aar, go back to bed.." you insisted, still not meeting his eyes.

Aaron's hold tightened a little on the swell of your hips before lifting one hand to tilt your chin up to face him. "i know when something's wrong, please just talk to me about it." he spoke in a tone a little higher than a whisper. he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against your forehead.

"it's just that," you paused. are you doing this right now? "i," you suck in a breath. you couldn't seem to find the words now.

Aaron stroked your cheek. "hey, take your time." you encouraged you gently, a reassuring smile on his lips.

you nodded, looking down at your hands. do it, come on. "i have a problem with eating." there, it wasn't that hard, was it? Aaron nodded lightly, prompting you to continue. "i, i either eat too much or nothing at all." Aaron's hand returned to your waist, his thumbs rubbing reassuring circles into the soft flesh.

this wasn't as hard as you made it out to be. "some nights i feel like the urge to eat is so strong, that it eats away at me until i eat. though i'm not always even hungry, i just, have to eat. that doesn't make sense does it?" you chuckle sadly, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his warm chest, your arms still hanging at your sides. "and some days, i just avoid food all together. it's like the feeling of eating makes me feel so sick? not necessarily physically sick, but mentally." you continue, a slight crack in your voice.

Aaron's heart breaks at your confession. he knew something was going on, but not that it ran this deep. "and some days, i just drink all day. being drunk blocks out all the issues with eating. either i eat a normal amount, or i don't really eat at all, but it takes the bad feelings about each away." you mumble. this is embarrassing. Aaron lowers one of his hands down to one of yours, intertwining his fingers gently with yours. your thumb fiddled around with his thick fingers.

"i'm sorry i'm laying this all on you i know-"

"hey, don't." he speaks, his voice still gentle and quiet, but more assertive. you look up at him. "don't be sorry about something you can't control. as for not talking to me about it, i'm not mad at you, i just wished you'd come to me with these things more often. i know you're struggling, but i have no way of helping you, or even just being there if i don't know what's going on in that gorgeous mind of yours."

tears well up in your eyes. Aaron's thumb coming up just before a tear rolls down, gentle wiping it away. "come to me when you feel like this okay? come to me when you're having one of those days where eating pains you, or when you crave to eat the whole day. i'm here for you okay honey? i'm here for you, no matter what." he's here to help you, so let him.

you nod, licking a tear off your lips. he wraps an arm fully around your soft bare waist, the other one wrapping around your shoulder as he pulls you against him. your arms wrapping around his waist as you hold him tight. "thank you." your voice is muffled by his skin, but Aaron hears it. "i love you." you hold him tighter, pressing your face against his warm chest, the feeling of being held by him calming down any negative thoughts or feelings.

"i love you too." he whispers back, placing a firm kiss on the top of your head.

he pulls away, his thumb wiping away some tears. "do you want to eat something before we head back to bed?" he asks you, he had already spotted the granola bars behind you. you think for a second before nodding.

Aaron nods along, reaching for one of the bars behind you. he opens it, leaning away from you for just a second as he throws away the wrapper and hands you the bar. his hand wraps around yours as you take the bar from him, his thumb rubbing brief but gently against the back of your hand.

you eat the bar slowly, having Aaron stand in front of you calms the intensity of the craving. and when you're finished with the bar Aaron smiles. he leans down and captures your lips in a soft kiss. you wrap your arms around his neck as you lean into it. Aaron leans down, his warm gentle hand sliding down your waist and hips until they reach the back of your thighs, pulling you up and into his arms. you wrap your thighs around his bare waist and lean your head on his shoulder as he carries you back to the bedroom.

tonight might've been conquered, but there's still many more nights and days to go. though, now they don't seem as dark and daunting..

[yukidragon]

May we have a story about Jack's clingy side and uses his puppy dog eyes to make MC to cuddle with him longer? (He uses the puppy dog eyes whenever he wants something and it works 100% of the time) Jack kind of reminds me of a giant puppy.

I love this idea! Jack definitely knows how to channel puppy energy to his advantage, and my MC Alice definitely falls for it every time.

In fact, I love this idea so much that it inspired me to turn it into a quick writing prompt. I also remembered that I owe everyone a nice little Jack x reader fic from the poll I made last year, so I wrote this writing exercise in 1st person gender neutral perspective.

So here it is, just a short but sweet first draft story about clingy Jack giving his sunshine some puppy dog eyes and pleading to get a bit more cuddle time. I don't think any real warnings apply, though it does get a little suggestive. Also, I think this might count as GrovelCore?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my writing, and consider leaving a comment please!💕

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

...

It was nice to have moments like this, just the two of us on the couch cuddled up together. The way Jack wrapped me up in his big, strong arms made me feel so safe, so content. Even though I was tucked comfortably in his lap, he practically surrounded me with his warmth. It was the perfect way to spend a day off from work.

The show on TV was entertaining, but it wasn’t enough to draw my attention away from Jack for long. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to it at all. Every time I looked up at him, I never failed to see those beautiful dark brown eyes of his gazing back at me. His mouth was shaped in a gentle curve of a smile, his expression almost dreamy as he admired me with so much love and adoration in his eyes that it sent my heart racing. I had to look away when the butterflies in my chest fluttered so hard they were ready to burst out of me.

Fuck, I was so down bad for this man, I was down atrocious.

A gloved finger brushed against my cheek, slowly tracing the contours of my face until reaching my chin. The sensation sent a delicious shiver down my spine, and my eyes returned to Jack as he gently guided my face back towards him.

“Looks like the show’s over,” Jack said. I blinked, caught off-guard, before my eyes darted to the screen to see the credits scrolling by. His honeyed voice drew me back before I could get distracted from his loving gaze for long. “What do you want to do now, sunshine?”

The first thought that popped into my head made my cheeks burn and brought back those damn butterflies. The second thought reminded me to check the time.

Ah damn it. Curse must-watch binge-worthy television. Why must I always fall for your siren song of “just one more episode”?

“Not run errands, that’s for sure, but it’s getting late,” I said with a heavy sigh, banishing the butterflies and steamy thoughts to whence they came. “Groceries aren’t going to buy themselves, and I’ve got a bunch of other stuff I should get out of the way while I’m out too.” I sighed again, shoulders slumping.

Being a responsible adult dealing with all the responsible adult bullshit sucked sometimes. A lot of the time. Actually probably most of the time considering how many hours in a day got eaten up by a cringy job and entitled customers.

I twisted away from Jack and tried to stand, but his large muscular arms kept me locked up tighter than iron bars. I turned back to him with a questioning look, only to see him pouting at me.

“I know it’s important to be responsible, sunshine, but don’t you think you’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately?” he asked. “We have plenty of food to last a few more days, and you’ve been working overtime for the past five nights in a row. You come home too exhausted to do anything but sleep, then you go right back to work. It’s not good for you.”

“I know,” I said with a helpless shrug. “But what can I do about it? Bills aren’t going to pay themselves either.”

Jack adjusted his hold on me, not enough that I could slip free, but I could feel his hands glide slowly along my back, sending a shiver up my spine. “I know, but it’s just been so long since we’ve had any cuddle time,” he said, his pout making its way into his voice now.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the way his lower lip jutted out just a little further. “You see me every day,” I teased, trying to lighten up the mood. “Besides, we woke up cuddling this morning, didn’t we? You sleep with me every night.”

“You’ve been too tired to cuddle lately,” Jack said, whining a little. “Even this morning, you didn’t really wake up until halfway through breakfast. This is the first chance in days that I’ve had to really have you all to myself.” He dipped his head down, closer to mine, and I couldn’t help but notice the way the TV’s gentle glow made his dark eyes shine. “I missed you, sunshine.”

His big soulful eyes tugged at my heartstrings, and his gentle caress along my back made me want to melt into him. “I missed you too,” I admitted after a moment. We couldn’t exactly talk when other people were around, and work had been too busy for us to even sneak a kiss without the risk of getting caught in the act.

 I was pretty sure Jack wouldn’t mind even if someone else could see him making out with me. In fact, I had a sneaking suspicion that he might even enjoy getting caught. Sometimes this man acted like he had no idea what it meant to feel shame.

Then again, Jack was always painted up like a clown 24/7. If he wasn’t embarrassed by the bright face paint or his silly jokes, then he probably didn’t know the meaning of the word.

Sometimes I wished that I could say the same. The idea of being seen making weird faces while holding onto the air left me feeling a level of cringe that not even the greeting at my job could match. It probably would be a kiss with tongue too knowing Jack.

The thought left me burning, both with mortification and the memory of the way his kisses made me feel.

Maybe it would be worth the embarrassment considering how good of a kisser Jack was.

As if reading my mind, Jack brushed his lips against mine, just a peck, but it was enough to snap my attention entirely to my boyfriend. “Then stay with me,” he said with a hint of desperation to his breathy voice. “Please?” He planted another kiss on my lips, just a little longer but still only a tantalizing taste of what he could offer me. “I need you.”

Jack finished off the last of my resistance by saying my name in that same pleading tone while looking at me with so much love and need in his beautiful dark brown eyes. His desperate voice and puppy dog eyes made me melt like cotton candy in water.

I gave in to him. I couldn’t help it. I was weak to him when he begged me like this, and I needed Jack just as badly as he needed me.

“Jack,” I sighed as I looped my arms around his neck and drew Jack in for another kiss. I could feel him smile against my lips, and he murmured my name again before his tongue slid into my mouth to get a taste of me.

Soon I was pinned against the couch, breathless and panting, with Jack looming above me. His arms were a cage that secured me there and ensured that I wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Not that I wanted to with the way his mouth moved along my neck, hot and wet. I couldn’t help but moan his name as he sucked on my skin, arching up into him.

Even before Jack started tugging at my shirt, I had a feeling that I wasn’t getting any errands done today, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Every touch, every kiss, and every murmur of my name along with sweet praise made the world around us fade away, until nothing else existed but the two of us and our love.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I know you've been a fan of Jimin for a while and as someone who only became a fan in 2023 I wanted to ask you a question about this:

https://x.com/moonlightkive/status/1831725500626030765?t=4WIxob-Fc9xmk510LqQbmg&s=19

Even in the short time I've been a fan of Jimin I learned not to always trust what armys say about him. So I'm not sure what information is true and what is exaggerated or even completely made up. I've seen this dieting subject be brought up before when it comes to Jimin and it seems that the general concensus in the fandom is that Jimin struggled with that more than the other member, but is that actually true or is it just another case of armys's double standards when it comes to Jimin? Like, I've seen people mention him doing extremes diets, something about him not eating for 10 days, about him passing out multiple times, starving himself, being concerningly thin back in 2016 or 2017 (I don't remember what year exactly they were talking about and looking at him during time I didn't really notice it myself), and a bunch of other stuff. Is any of that true? What I'm guessing is that probably only some of it is true and possibly exaggerated, but I can't be sure. So that's why I'm asking you, cause I figured you'd at least know more than me. Cause some people seem convinced he had an ED, and I don't know how I feel about people diagnosing him with something serious like that.

Yes, it's 10000% an exaggeration.

Jimin never showed or gave anyone reason to believe that he struggled with an eating disorder. Everrrr. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe Jimin's talked about it the most through the years so everyone has the wrong idea, but I can't even say that. I can't even say that Jimin's talked about skipping meals more than the other memebers, because it's just not true.

The only thing that's happened is army being stupid, honestly. That's really it. Their tunnel vision and their inability to put two facts of someone together and make that someone a complex, real person. They look at Jimin (and all the other members) as if he's a fiction trope. And they keep talking about a nonexistent eating disorder because it fits the trope they've made up of him; frail, skinny, gay, cute, too nice for his own good, defenseless.

Yoongi has legs like toothpicks and he doesn't get eating disorder allegations. Why? Because it doesn't fit the musky-perfumed, whisky lover, smoker, granddad idea of army. I'm pretty sure last year he also said on live something about eating one meal a day.

You can see Jungkook literally binge eating in every BTS content ever filmed. After binge eating he starts talking about how he needs to lose weight and shouldn't eat anymore. Every. Single. Time. Eating disorder allegations? No, because he's got pecs and like two defined abs. Eating disorders go both ways. Binge eating as a habit is ALSO an eating disorder. And for the record, I doubt Jungkook binge eats like that 365 days a year for all meals, but if he did, it would be an eating disorder and army still wouldn't say anything as look as he "looked" healthy.

Some recents comments about food/eating that BTS members have made:

Jimin:

And I'm pretty sure there's one from last year too where he told a fan to not skip meals.

It really is just army's tunnel vision.

They've chosen this career and they've always known what it would entail. Dieting and fasting before schedules is something normal to them. It might not be normal for you, me, or some dumb armys but it is to them the same it's normal for bodybuilders and people like Michael Phelps to eat 12k calories a day -which also isn't normal for like anyone in the planet-.

If dieting is an eating disorder, then I think we should go ahead and say all idols have an eating disorder including the other six members of BTS.

[oddvanilla]

Dhar Mann might've been secretly a "villain" the whole time....

Pt.1 (?)

No, you're not hallucinating. You saw that title correctly. Believe it or not, I have had ridiculous beef for years with the man who many love, and even adore, Dhar Mann. And therefore, I'll be elaborating today on why such a "good person" like him is considered one of my sworn enemies, and why I think you should consider him one too.

Many people, and especially parents, assume that Dhar Mann is a great influence on kids, and a friendly individual. And although for the most part; that can be true, but you need to look at the bigger picture.

"The Dhar Mann Effect" is what I like to call it. A serious, and contagious virus that even the most experienced and hard-working doctors can't find the cure to. "What does the Dhar Mann effect do?" ...You may be asking. Well, great question! The Dhar Mann effect is when you form an addiction and obsession to watching the supposedly "short films" made by no other than Dhar Mann himself. And I'm not talking about a little, silly obsession. I'm talking about serious addictions that can lead into binge watching video after video non-stop. Such things should be taken far way solemnly.

And the prime example is my younger sister. Among many of my Dhar Mann-obsessed friends, I'd say she's the worst case. It started out around 2 years ago, when their substitute teacher played a Dhar Mann video at class (since many students have requested it), and ever since, she got hooked. I knew then that there was no coming back, she reached the "no-return" point.

I'd go as far as saying that it's like drugs to her. She can't survive a day without watching at least 3 videos in one sitting. And yes, that includes re-watching or re-visiting older videos. Trust me, it's deeper than just a "So you see...". My sister can qualify as an iPad kid, now, if I had to say so. And even currently, as I'm writing this, I can hear Jay's voice, One of Dhar Mann's most popular actors— playing from her room. I feel like it's not the same, and those damages may be irreversible. My poor sister can't live her life to the fullest anymore. All she does is wait for the new Dhar Mann video. And while she waits for the next one, she just rewatches his old videos, making sure she knows all the lore.

This is not a "haha" joke, people. This is dead serious. No joke. I'm not crossing my fingers. I'm not what nowadays kids call "capping 🧢". I'm being genuine and I'm typing this with the straightest face ever.

Another issue I have with Dhar Mann is how threatening he appears to me. I can promise you that if you look long enough into his smile, you'll realise it's slightly unsettling. Did you notice his face almost always looks the same in every picture? Well, you're probably not trippin'. That's because he has that same smile in literally every picture I could find of him.

What are the chances he might be a robot? Ready for the day we all fall for his spell and none of us are safe anymore, so he can finally strike? There is something so terrifying about him. Every time I look at that smile, I can't help but shiver a bit of fear. But mostly, I'm quite intimidated by his disturbing behaviour. The way he never fails to stare dead into our souls. That's what I find strange.

But hold up, the theories don't stop... at least not yet! Did you notice the way Dhar Mann ends every single one of his videos with "Hey Dhar Mann fam!" ??? What are the chances that he refers to us as his fam (family) to hide the fact we're probably stuck in his basement? If we're talking lore-wise, I'd say the reason Dhar Mann calls us his fam is the following: We're all chilling at our homes, until one day... A Dhar Mann video comes to our recommendations. By watching the media, you're secretly agreeing to sign an invisible contract that gives ol' Dhar the ability to adopt you. Child or not. And just because you're now part of his fam, doesn't mean he can't trap you into the basement and lock you up with multiple of many victims. The only time he'll ever check on you is when he comes in the basement and greets you with "Hey Dhar Mann Fam!" While feeding you those meaningless videos.

I'll show you a couple of examples, and YOU tell me what these videos could possibly teach kids who barely know what photosynthesis is.

Now, be real, just for a moment, WHY IS THE SECOND VIDEO A GODDAMN SERIES????? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT ITS A CASUAL THING THAT THE PROTAGONIST EXPERIENCES ON SIMPLE OCCASIONS TO GET JUMPED???

I think another weird part is that Dhar Mann featured another EXTREMELY popular YouTuber named "Mr. Beast" many, many times, but even then— he feels this need to pull out knock off Mr. Beast...ahem ahem....Mr. "feast"...??????

No joke. Just search up "Dhar Mann Mr. Feast" and count how many videos come up. But if you're so lazy to check, it's 4. yea. 4 DAMN VIDEOS ABOUT A MR BEAST RIP OFF. YOU GUYS NEED TO WAKE UP AND REALISE THIS IS A MAN WITH A WIFE AND 2 KIDS.

And back to square one, What's the moral meaning behind this media he displays for the youth?

Not Dhar Mann (a multi millionaire) copying the "NO CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE?" girl???? Smh...

So... Do you think Dhar Mann is really the innocent "moral philosopher" he claims himself as? Or is it deeper than a "Hey Dhar Mann Fam"?. But either way, that's it for today. Thank you all for listening to my Ted Talk.

SORRY GUYS IM HIGH ON VITAMIN GUMMIES (AGAIN) AND LIKE I DO THINK DHAR MANN IS MY SWORN ENEMY BUT LIKE YALL BETTER NOT TAKE THIS /SRS LMAOOOO🙏🙏🙏

[obsessedelusional]

Bella’s Streamer Girlfriend

paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x fem!reader

summary ✦ Bella is exhausted from their constant travel for work. As her partner who just so happens to be a famous streamer you suggest they move in with you. What happens when Bella accidentally goes live showing you streaming? this is a request

word count ✦ 2,202

authors note ✦ hope y’all enjoy appreciate everyone one of you ilyyyyyy

masterlist

Feedback & Reblogs are helpful and extremely appreciated ♡

“Why don’t you just move in with me?” You suggest, a thought you’ve had for several months now just now finally making it out into existence. Bella had been fretting over how tiring all the travel has become.

“What?” Bella asks.

“Well we’ve been dating for two years and you’re always here anyways so..” Your voice trails off thinking you’ve said too much.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah I mean there’s not much room but we’ll figure it out. We can move my stream set up into the guest bedroom.” Bella doesn’t respond fast enough causing you to panic. Before you can ramble some more or even worse take it back she responds.

“Yes.” Bella says nodding her head.

“Yes? Like yes you want move in with me?”

“Yes.” She grins softly realizing what she’s just agreed to. Bella closes the distance between you two throwing her arms around your waist. Hugging you, slightly elevating you from the ground emitting laughter from you.

“How wicked? I get to live in LA with my beatuiful streamer girlfriend?”

—

Bella was the first to make a move two years ago. After finding out they got the role of Ellie in The Last of Us tv adaptation they poorly attempted to play the game. After failing the first part several times they opened YouTube. Your video of you playing the original game long ago is the first one.

Their attraction to you is immediate. Binging your videos lead to a follow on instagram. No idea who Bella Ramsey was but you followed back anyways seeing they were verified. Finding them attractive and your beliefs aligning with theirs so proudly displayed on their profile. Bella is silent with their crush on you until one fateful day.

An interview after Bella’s announced to play Ellie:

“Fans are so excited to see this iconic game come to life on television. Did you know anything about the game before your audition?”

“I knew of it. Like I had heard about it before but I never played it myself.” Bella responds to the interviewer.

“Have you played it yet?”

“No. I tried to but I’m not really a gamer. I played the first twenty minutes before giving up and watching gameplay.”

“Gameplay?”

“Yeah uh this girl on YouTube. Her name is Y/N. Shout out to her cause I watched her play the game. She’s a twitch streamer. She was so good at the game and she’s really…” Bella’s stops talking mid sentence as they realize they’ve said too much.

—

It’s an late night as you live stream. Just chatting with viewers before you hop into the lobby when your feed gets flooded with comments about Bella talking about you.

“Bella Ramsey? Sounds familiar. What did they say?” Your busy scrolling through chat and racking your brain trying to connect the dots.

“It’s Ellie Williams in the tv adaptation.” You say out loud reading a chat. One of your mods sends you the link so you can react to it live on your stream.

“Should I watch it? Everyone’s saying yes. Okay I will react to it.” The link opens up to a YouTube video of a zoom meeting type interview. As the video plays you recognize the short haired brunette as the random famous person that followed you on instagram months ago.

“There’s no way. I didn’t know they were playing Ellie.” You smile watching your screen not paying much attention to chat. It gets to the point where Bella mentions watching gameplay instead of actually playing the game.

“Yeah uh this girl on YouTube. Her name is Y/N.” Bella says in the video.

“That’s me!” You shout, pausing the video. Pressing play when you’re done freaking out.

“Yeah uh this girl on YouTube. Her name is Y/N. Shout out to her cause I watched her play the game. She’s a twitch streamer. She was so good at the game and she’s really…” Bella doesn’t finish their sentence, eyes go wide and their the one to quickly change the subject.

“And really what? What am I Bella?” You pause reading chat. People letting you know all the things you are.

“User2643556 says I’m beautiful, sexy, and amazing. Am I Bella?” You tease, your tone innocent yet flirty.

“Oh what about this Justin says I’m a stupid wanna be gamer. Plus a few other bad words I won’t be reading.” You laugh, watching as your mod kicks them.

“But seriously Bella! And what? What am I? I must know.”

The next day you wake and first thing you do is check your phone, a daily morning ritual. The first notification is from an instagram dm from a verified account, you have to rub the sleep out of your eyes just too make sure your reading it correctly.

Bella: I was gonna say cute but beautiful sexy and amazing works too xx

After your done freaking out you respond with a thank you and a winking emoji. To your surprise Bella continues to message you, you two communicate for a week over instagram dm before Bella gives you their number. The conversation usually flirty filled with getting to know each other. Empty promises to meet in the near future.

—

A handful of die hard The Last of Us fans who all had fairly large followings were invited to the premiere. You being one of them, which came to you as a surprise because you had played the game but there were far more bigger fans out there. You were excited for the opportunity nonetheless. A large part of you more excited at the chance to see Bella.

“We’re so glad you could make it.” The shows social media manager, Victoria who had initially invited you says.

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“Don’t thank me, thank Bella they were adamant on you being here.”

“Oh okay, will do.” You smile, ignoring the fact that if it wasn’t for Bella you wouldn’t be here. Anxiety growing at the thought that Bella wanted you here. How at any moment you’d finally meet her.

After the viewing of the the pilot you are sat with the rest of the influencers invited in the panel room. Cheers notify you that the stars of the show arrived, Bella and Pedro. Your watching Bella as people converse with them. They’re not paying much attention eyes are wondering around the room hopefully looking for you, you think. Smiling ear to ear as they make eye contact with you. Bella had wanted to greet you on the spot but they weren’t aloud to veer from the schedule.

The cast make their way to the stage. Craig and Neil are the first to speak. Thanking everyone for coming and supporting the whole project. Then the cast are asked questions. Too enamored with Bella you don’t touch your food, too nervous to eat. They often sneak a look towards you smiling when they catch your attention.

To your disappointment you don’t get a chance to see Bella. She’s rushed to her table where she eats with the main cast. Then when it’s over she’s guided to somewhere behind the scenes your not aloud. You wait longer than you should have before deciding to book an Uber to take you home.

Your stood outside the building waiting for your Uber, sulking in your own sadness. The night not going how you imagined at all.

“Uber for Y/N?” Your driver speaks breaking your thoughts.

“Yeah sorry.” You walk towards the car ready to just go home and crawl into bed. Before you can open the door your phone vibrates, it’s Bella.

“Where are you?” Bella says as soon as you pick up.

“I’m getting in a Uber right now.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s over. I’m going home.” You hear heavy footsteps, looking back you see Bella running towards you phone up to her ear.

“Then I’m coming with you.” Bella says into the phone only a few feet away from you.

“Are you inviting yourself over?” You laugh.

“Oh fuck I didn’t mean to come off like that I just didn’t want to-“ Bella hangs up on you, now talking to you instead.

“Can’t believe you’d hang up on me.” You cut them off, laughing at the fact that the two of you were conversing over phone while stood so close.

“I feel like a real dick head. I tried so hard to get away from tonight’s responsibilities but they wouldn’t let me. You have no idea how badly I wanted to get away from it all and be with you tonight. I want to make it up to you.” Your cute moment gets interrupted by the Uber driver telling you he’s going to leave if you don’t get in already. When you go to open the door Bella assumes the worst.

“You coming?” You ask, returning the smile to Bella’s face as she climbs in with you. The drive to your place is filled with apologies and sneaking glances at each other. Bella doesn’t leave your apartment till the next morning, up till 4 am just talking. Feelings grow and laughter is shared. Bella is the one to kiss you before they leave making plans to meet again.

—

Bella moving in has been great. It’s only been a week but waking up and going to sleep next to the person you love every night is better than you could of possibly imagined.

You stream five days a week, leaving the weekend for yourself and Bella now. Originally your set up is in your bedroom, using your bed as your backdrop. Moving into the guest bedroom has been great. Creating a whole new look for your stream and having a lot more space. The other half of the room filled with Bella’s miscellaneous boxes.

Bella has yet to get used to your work schedule. Normally when they visited you’d take a break from streaming or do it while they were off working. Now that you live together, you had to work. So often Bella would interrupt unknowingly. Apologizing quietly as they walked back out of the room. Your chat taking quick notice of your smile and lovingly stare as you told Bella it’s okay, wondering who it could possibly be.

—

“Can you hear me?” Bella asks turning on her instagram live.

“Uhh yes it is I see your comments now.” Bella gets comfortable, reading comments out loud. Shouting out people as they asked.

“Ok the whole reason for this live. I just wanted to give some life updates. First I uhh moved to California.” She admits reading chat for a moment before responding.

bellaramzeee13: I thought you hated la

ramseyfantlou: NO Bella’s gonna change ):

thelastofbella: the uk will misss you

“I promise I’m not going to change. Some things just happened and I decide it’s best for me to live out here. Ya know? Closer to opportunities and other things… anyway thought I’d come on here and unpack with everyone.” Bella stands up from where they’re sat thinking your out for the day with your friends. Heading into your steaming room, switching the camera to the back camera ready to show the giant pile of boxes.

“This is where all my stuff is,” Bella is going on not realizing your sat in your desk live as well.

“What’re you doing?” You ask startling her so her phone lands on your just long enough for people to realize it’s you. Bella’s quick to stuff her phone in her pocket live still going.

“I’m sorry I thought you were with your friends already.” Bella’s panic has your worried.

“It’s okay that’s not till later. I’ll be right back guys.” You say to your chat switching to your I’ll be right back screen. You follow Bella out of the room into the living room.

“I was on instagram live.”

“Did you show me?” You ask.

“I dunno.” Bella pulls their phone out it now on the front facing camera, you laugh seeing your reflection on insgram live.

“Bella it’s too late your still live.” Your laughing harder than before. Bella’s worried faced fills the live and your laughter in the background.

bellsram01: YOUR DATING HER???!!

sarabeez: NO WAY

elliewilliams22627: wait why do I kinda ship it

justbellaaaaa: bella I think I actually want your girlfriend more

“Should I get off?” Bella asks you.

“If you don’t want to. It’s okay.” Bella sets their phone down using some clutter on the kitchen counter to created a diy tripod.

“Guess it’s out,” Bella laughs. You move into frame, leaning closer to read more comments. Laughing at all the funny ones, reading them out loud. Answering a few questions about your relationship.

“Well I got to go attend to my steam I was so rudely interrupted.” You sigh dramatically.

“If y’all want more of me I’m on twitch right now.” You smile for the camera.

“Are you trying to steal my viewers?” Bella looks at you shocked.

“Absolutely yes babe.” You tease, before planting a small kiss on their cheek before leaving bella alone in the kitchen. Bella reads more chat as everyone freaks the fuck out.

“I guess you all know the real reason why I moved to the states.”

[oneatlatime]

Hiii!!! I’ve been binging through your blog for the past few weeks and I noticed how you talk about how Kataang(Katara x Aang) is portrayed in the show. Honestly yeah, I will admit I didn’t like it at first but now I just don’t really care for it. But I’d be interested hearing an in-depth opinion on the ship(unless you already did and I just never noticed or forgot 😭).

Another question, do you think you’re going to read the comics that came out the series? If you’re asking my opinion I’d say they’re a uuuh 7-8 out of 10 IG?

I do have thoughts on Kataang which I haven't shared yet. Part of me thinks I should wait to answer your ask until I've finished the series; it's obvious to me that these two are being set up to be the big finale couple, which means if I talk about them now I'm probably missing the pieces I need to have a full, well-rounded opinion. But you know what? I feel like talking about them now. So here goes.

Short answer: It peeves me that Aang comes from a culture that seemingly doesn't even have parents, yet he still manages to date his mother.

Long answer: they're both way too young. I'm a huge fan of letting the kids be kids for as long as possible. Especially with these kids, who have been prevented from being kids by the war. As Katara points out in the opening scene of the very first episode, she's been the mother since her own died (or at least she feels like she has had to be the mother). Call me crazy, but I'd rather Katara spend a few years after the war doing dumb childish stuff to recapture that lost childhood than jump straight into a relationship. Isn't the safety and space to do dumb childish stuff one of the things those who are trying to end the war are fighting for? Shouldn't she get to enjoy that? And Aang is just way too young no matter what way you look at it. He's 12 right? I think that would make him a grade 6 student. Back in my day (yells at cloud) Grade 6 students collected yugioh cards and feuded over who had the snazzier lunch box. I could picture a 12 year old having a crush on a slightly older girl that goes to the same school, but it would be short lived and unactionable. I guess Katara would be around 14? So, a grade 8 student. A grade 8 girl would not date a grade 6 boy. It would just never happen.

They've both got bigger fish to fry. Aang is the last Air Nomad AND the current Avatar. When he fully takes on both of those positions, what time will he have for a girlfriend? Katara is the only Southern Waterbender. Whether or not she wants the responsibility, it will be her duty to single-handedly reconstruct a huge portion of her nation's culture from the ground up once she returns south. Does she have the time to ping pong around the globe mothering her boyfriend as he rides giant animals or does Avatar stuff? Say she wants to: what will her family and the rest of her tribe think of the only person who can access such a huge part of their culture riding off into the sunset?

Their current relationship dynamic is still too mother/son. This is more obvious in season 1 than in season 2 (maybe that's growth?) but you can't depict a male/female pair as pieta and then expect me to ship. I think this could change somewhat, but I've already been disappointed in that. I thought that once Katara had mastered waterbending and therefore felt she had something other than mothering to contribute to the group, she would back off with the mothering. And she did, a little, but not enough for my tastes. Maybe as Aang fully steps into the Avatar role and the last Air Nomad role (sidenote: no idea what the latter would look like) he'll move on to a more equal relationship with Katara.

I think Katara is meant for better things than rebirthing a nation. Bending seems to be at least somewhat genetic. So if Aang wants Airbending in any form to survive after his death, he's going to need a billion kids. While I could definitely see Katara wanting children, I don't see her as the barefoot pregnant type.

I'm not convinced that Aang has a clear picture of Katara. She has flaws, which is good! Does Aang see them?

I get the feeling that, while they are helping each others' skills grow as they travel the globe, they are also preventing each others' personalities from growing. As long as Aang is around, Katara has someone to mother. As long as Katara is around, Aang has someone who prevents him from feeling the full weight of his responsibilities. Again, this is worse in season 1, but how often did Katara deny that Aang was to blame for something that was at least somewhat his fault? Aang will never become a fully rounded person until he can look at his flaws and mistakes dead on and say "my bad" without a Katara in the background going "no you're perfect!" Katara deserves to find out what kind of person she is outside of a nurturing role. Quick thought experiment: what if you pair Katara with someone who needs no nurturing, or better yet, nurtures her? And what if you pair Aang with someone as bluntly truthful as Toph? Katara and Aang might find both of those situations uncomfortable at first, but I think it would contribute to their growth.

Aang having a crush on an oblivious Katara would be a great single season arc. I think it would fit both of their characters well, and I think Aang growing past latching on to the first person he saw after the iceberg would be a good way to show that he's rooting himself in his time-displaced present, and fully committing to ending the war. And don't get me wrong, I love Aang and Katara both as a fighting team and as friends.

These kids are all fighting a war, and all kids. I don't mind the supporting characters having romances, because it's not like Sokka or Suki can end the war, no matter how hard they try/might want to. But I'm a big believer in doing one thing at a time, and I think if you're the only person in the whole world who can end a war, then ending the war should take precedence over dating. I'm aware that that's an unrealistic expectation and out of step with the show's theme of balance. In the real world, birth rates skyrocket during war time because people live for the moment and grab happiness (read boinking) wherever they see it. But both these kids are pre-boinking age so I'm going to be a cranky old fart about it.

Being the wife of the Avatar is a position that will often come with being relegated to second place, especially with the amount of work that undoing a century of war will take. Although she works well in a team, Katara is a naturally dominant personality. Katara did enough of putting herself in second place before the series started. I think Katara could very easily fall into the pattern of subjugating her own needs and desires and putting her husband's first, but I don't want that to happen. And one way to prevent that from happening is to prevent her from dating the single most politically important person in the universe. (To be clear, Aang would never deliberately squish a wife like that, I just think the workload of being Avatar and last air nomad would cause that to happen)

A lot of my objections to this pairing are very adult objections. I don't know what I would have thought about this pairing when I was the age of the show's target audience. It undoubtedly would have bothered me less, although I probably would have been put off by how twee it is. As an adult, all I can see are babies playing house.

As for the comics, I hadn't made any concrete plans to read them. I don't know where I'd get access to them. I'm not sure how canonical they are. I guess I should probably decide whether or not I want to read them after I've finished the whole series. I've been told that my girl Jin appears in one of them, so I definitely have some interest. I have also had the Avatar Kyoshi novels strenuously recommended to me. But so much of Avatar's charm, to me, is in the medium. And while comics are closer to animation than books are, they're still static. Avatar does movement so well.

[fertilize-my-eggs]

The night stalker ch.1

Ch.2 ch.3 ch.4 ch.5 A03

A/N: the first chapter is base on my dream a few days ago so I believe it's was sleep paralysis demon that I was having but this give me the idea for this chapter :3

Blinking the tiredness away as I curl into a ball, the soft warmth touches on my delicate skin. I turn over for the fresh air of the ac as I sigh quietly.

I blink away to see a dark figure near my bed as I stare at it a bit. It's holding what I assume is a small gray camera but it's suddenly disappeared before I get to look at it a little longer. I think my mind was playing tricks as I turned over and didn't think much about it.

I curl over as I pull the blanket over my face, it's a bit unnerving to see something like that out of a horror movie in real life. I should stop watching those true crimes on YouTube as I doze off into sleep.

It was a bright beautiful morning as I stretched out my arms, I yawned out loud as I rub my eyes a bit.

Living in Japan by myself feels refreshed but I miss my home life in my country as I get up to start my early breakfast.

I put my thumb on my lips as I think, I need to study for my college about speaking Japanese and its culture. I smile softly as I play with my hair, I put it into a messy bun.

As I head into the living room to turn on the television for news, I feel a bit isolated about being alone in this apartment but I always thought Japan was such a beautiful place and also it was time for me to start a new chapter for my journey as a foreigner woman.

I begin to prep the potato as I peel it, I look over to see the weather lady talking about a nice sunny day as I smile. It's gonna be nice weather as I wash the peeled potatoes.

It's cut to a news man explaining about an unwanted criminal as I cut it into small pieces.

An unwanted criminal? As I pause the cutting as I begin to look at the TV.

“ an unknown male in his early 20s has been breaking and entering houses, murdering anyone who lives in it. ” I gasp as I hear him speak about the location as I bite my lips, it's close by where I live. It's hard to make out what he is saying since I'm still learning Japanese but he said.

“ The man goes by the night stalker, make sure to lock everything, your windows and doors at night time. ” I tilt my head as I think, it can't be what I saw last night about a dark figure hovering over my bed… no I think it was playing tricks on me.

“ We talked to one of his victims as they explained what he looked like. ”

“ There is a rough sketch of what we assume the criminal looks like. ” it's show a man that has shaggy short hair, sharp eyes, mole and large scar near his lips.

“ If you see this man, call the police immediately!! He is dangerous. ” I slowly realized I was holding my breath as I put my hand on my chest feeling like I couldn't breathe.

I blink fast as I turn it off, the night stalker… he sounds like something that will bring hell his way if you look at him wrong.

I walk away to start the food, I begin to think about it. Hopefully I don't run into him, I shouldn't be worried about this, I'm supposed to enjoy my day.

The meal looks a bit okay but I'll still eat it anyway, I put it down on the plate as I sat down to eat quietly.

I hum about the taste as I put my fingers on my face as I think. Don't think about it, maybe it won't ruin your day.

Suddenly I get a loud bing as I pull my phone out as I read the message.

(#1 bff asshole): hey you awake smiley?

I narrowed my eyes at his message. Katsuki bakugou was my first friend that I made when I came to Japan. We started out as online friends just joking around and now I live in Japan, he wants me to join him in college with his friends as I smile.

The nickname was a bit cheesy as I giggle at it, I remember when we first did a video call he was intimidating when I first saw him but he was a bit polite and he noticed off the bat that I smile too much or whenever I make dumb jokes often so bakugou was blunt in conversation and so smiley was his nickname to me.

(Me): yeah!! I'll be here in bit, gotta eat my breakfast :>

(#1 bff asshole): well hurry up I don't have all day smiley.

Grumpy asshole as I groan at the message.

(Me): hey you… hear about the news today? About an unwanted criminal called night stalker…apparently he's around my location..

There was a long pause as I finished my meal, I got up to clean the dishes a bit.

I walk back towards the phone as the screen lights up.

(#1 bff asshole): … yeah. Are you okay? Do you want me to protect you and be your hero? Don't fall for me tho ;)

I roll my eyes at this as I puff out air.

(Me): eww gross… but in all seriousness, yeah just a bit, I wouldn't mind the others coming to my apartment for a few days.

I close my phone as I begin to head into my room to get dressed, a simple casual outfit would be nice.

I grab my clothes to wear as I bolt to the restroom to take a quick shower.

The water feels nice on my skin as I sigh in relief. I jumped out, quickly dried my hair and did a bit of makeup.

A cute white skirt with a large pink sweater to keep me warm, white leggings and a small bag that looks like a cat.

I quickly get my keys and wallet as I head out to meet bakugou.

Today is gonna be my day and I'll enjoy it with my new friends!!

I stand outside as I begin to lock the door and start to walk away to the fresh air of japan.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 11

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

I always place my bookmark at the end of the chapter when I start reading to indicate the number of pages I have in a session, and this chapter is comparatively so short! Only like 20ish pages!

Once again, Charlie has abandoned me, but I am back on my soy lattes with matcha to accompany this chapter. Oversharing but; I ran out of my ceremonial grade matcha (delicious af) and tried a local tea shops matcha (much cheaper, still delicious, but texture and colour are very different). The matcha is tasty but definitely not the same. My wallet is happy, my taste buds are forlorn.

Minor angst aside- Let's get into this chapter!

Corpse?! Already! Starting this chapter off strong with maybe another death? I mean, Liu Qingge has 0 chance against Luo Binge, but still.

I will say MXTX is great at starting and ending chapters with anticipation. Like there is no filler chapter. She ends AND starts on action every time. It has made my one chapter a day read low key frustrating, but has definitely kept me engaged!

Wait. What corpse is Luo Binhe holding??? If it's Shen Qingqiu that is so fuckedp245

Double WAIT. What are they doing in the bed together :O OMG is he sleeping with the corpse?? p246

Im shaken. LOL It IS Shen Qingqiu's corpse. p247

Fucking SAME SQQ. Necrophilia is also not for me my guy "Too hardcore...Way too fucking hardcore! Even if his imagination had been as vast as the moon covered with craters, he had still never imagined that one day he would become a character in this kind of hardcore kink play". p247

SQQ I really don't think it can be called bullying to have the guy let go of your own corpse (that was being super desecrated) p248

okay but. question: did he sleep or SLEEP with the corpse? I need to know because I am overwhelmed at this revelation. Both are unhinged, but like one of them is significantly worse.

honestly, SQQ, I too want to know how that corpse is being preserved p248

NOT CORPSE HOT POTATO p249

LOL at Liu Qingge panicking about touching the corpse's flesh. Like sure, I get it, if that was my friend/sect sibling's body I would be horrified at the man handling p249

oh! His (SQQ) sword (and Luo Binghe's old sword??) is repaired!! that's rad! p250

Oh gosh. Luo Binghe is Big Mad that they are snatching his corpse boyfriend p250

Thank god that SQQ was able to get Liu Qingge to to actually leave- this could have been awful. p251

aaaaaaaand what a time for SQQ to have a change of heart about Luo Binghe. He is SO soft for him. 10000% he is going to get himself killed -> again. p251

OMG he was so close to telling him his identity and the confession was disrupted vie him being kidnapped! p252

wait- who else broke in?? was it Shang Qinghua? p253 ofc MXTX loves to leave little cliff hangers.

Oh no, Luo Binghe did remember to activate the demon blood mites. poor SQQ. p254

meanwhile SQQ is basically dying (not actually but he sure feels like he is) and is having an entire mindmap thought journey about how Luo BInghe came to this level of infatuation with himp254

we now have SQQ questioning his worldview, his entire life, himself as an individual, every choice he has ever made, and a his own sexuality. poor babe. p255

oh shit. Wait- what's the cure for the blood mites?? Who is this guy??? p256

are you fucking kidding me. LOL omg. Another demon. I just went to my notes from yesterday and this applied, but make it 3 dimes. "Shen Qingqiu (probably): if I had a dime for every time I had demonic blood poisoning me I would have two, and that's not a lot, but fucked up it happened twice. LOL" at this point should I keep a dime count??

omg! is he attacking him now from within the dream realm??? p258 so scary!

okay he is not attacking SQQ he is attacking HIMSELF. Luo Binghe is not okay. The level of unwell he is exhibiting is frankly, quite alarming. p259

all of this self harming because he lost his shizun's corpse omg

Well... at least luo binghe is apologizing for the water prison? p261

and here we have SQQ having a crisis about not wanting to be near Luo Binghe while he simultaneously cannot resist patting his head anyways p262

oh god. baby luo binghe intentionally kept all of the scars that Shen Qinqiu gave him. what the fuck I'm emotional. p263

Wel it's about time. SQQ finally figured out he fucked up treating Luo Binghe like a character and not a person. BUT, based on the last line of this chapter, I have a suspicion that 1. luo binghe is not himself (someone else impersonating him??) OR Luo Binghe knows exactly what the fuck he is dong.

I cannot with these cliffhangers!

I need to know who this other demon is and who is controlling this dream rn. I did take a look ahead at page count and the next couple chapters are very short AND end book 2, so I am not looking forward to likely more drama and another several cliffhangers.

pray 4 me.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Nightlife 5

Warnings: dark elements to come. Proceed with caution.

Note: I know what you’re thinking, why the fuck are you doing this? Well, you wanted bouncer Lee and I did too. Also, short!reader, not sorry.

Walking home from the library, you find yourself checking over your shoulder. Each set of headlights has you envisioning the bronze corvette, every shadow of a passerby appears first as Lee's broad silhouette. Your eventual arrival is a relief, but not for long.

You look at your phone as it vibrates. You clutched it the whole way home. You see Lee's message floating below the time. 

"Sup?" Raquel asks as she lazes on the couch.

"Oh, just studying," you answer as you take off your shoes, "feel better."

"Feel like shit," she answers without looking up from her cellphone. "Want some pizza? Was gonna order from Guillaume's."

"Hm, not really hungry," you shrug and your bag slips down to your elbow.

"Fine," she replies glumly, "guess I'll just get a small."

Your phone buzzes again and you quickly forget her disappointment. You flit by the couch and pause at the end. Should you tell her about Lee? She knows more about guys than you.

Your embarrassment gets the better of you. It's obvious you're stupid about boys but admitting it is too much. Besides, she's your roommate, not your friend. Her 'friends' were nowhere to be found when she was drunk at the club.

Your kick yourself back into step and retreat to your room. You shut the door and throw your bag on the bed. You open your messages and skim Lee's texts. Asking how studying went, how you're doing. 

You type in a response, not much different than what you told Raquel. You set your phone on your desk and change into a pair of pj's: polka dot shorts and matching tee. You grab your cell and hop on the bed, dragging your bag closer to take out your laptop.

You turn on the 00s teen drama you ever been binging in passing as your phone rumbles in your hand. You lau back against your pillows. 

'Lazy night, I like it.'

'Class tomorrow. Should settle down.'

You send your evasive reply and turn your attention to the dramatic argument between the sophomores played by thirtysomethings. It isn't long before another text shakes your phone.

'Too bad. Was hoping for a call.'

You stare at the message. You want to say no but you don't want to be rude. You don't answer as you languish in indecision. 

A new text comes in before you can come up with a response. 

'Just a short call. To say goodnight. I had such a nice time today.'

Shit. You don't know how he's persuasive even through text. The walls close in as you desperately search for an easy way to let him down. You got nothing.

'Alright.'

You regret your acquiescence as soon as you hit send. You blow out a heavy breath and look up at the ceiling. You could've just said you're going to sleep, you could lie. No, you've never been good at that.

Your phone chimes with the usual melody of a video call coming in. Huh? You assumed he meant phone call, not seeing you. Oh geez.

You sit up and hit pause on your laptop. You fumble to answer the call and the image of yourself in the corner shows only the top left portion of your face. You pull the phone back and center yourself in the small box, only then taking in the sight of the man that takes up the bulk of the screen.

Lee smiles at you through the camera, "hey, little darling, don't you look cozy."

You blink and give a nervous chuckle, more a rattle in your throat. You gulp as you notice the bareness of his shoulders. Eek. He can't be…

"Like the color of that shirt, can I get a look at all of ya?"

"Um, I don't know," you adjust your grip on the phone, "I…"

"Come on, I'm sure ya look scrumptious, sweet thing."

You tug on your lip. Your head is empty. Painfully so as your heart hammers in your chest. Facing him through a lens is somehow just intimidating as in the flesh.

“Errr,” you glance around cluelessly.

“Go on,” he urges, “just wanna see ya.”

You clamp your mouth shut as an icy wave rolls over you. It’s okay. It’s no big deal. Just your pajamas.

You climb off the bed, jostling the phone and you set it on the desk, leaning it against a book as you back up. You squint at your image in the frame as Lee hums in approval. He adjusts his phone, giving a small peek of the hair along the top of his chest.

“You look delicious,” he purrs, “ain’t you so cute.”

“Thanks,” you reach for the phone and quickly focus the camera on your face.

“The way you lookin’ right now, makes me wanna come over and… snuggle ya,” he smirks, “you’re such a sweet girl, huh?”

You don’t know what to say. You rub your lips together nervously and tug on your ear. He groans again, the image on his end shifting subtly.

“Or you could come over here, hm?” He drawls, “sneak up here, climb in next to me…” his voice grits as the camera shakes, the image of him blurring. “Wouldn’t you like that, sweetheart, you could get on top–” he drones as the angle changes and you see how his shoulder moves, his arm in a steady motion. Oh my, what is he doing?

“Lee?” You squeak in horror.

“I can’t help myself, this is what you do to me,” he growls, “the way I’ve been thinking of you all day. What if I just came there and crawled up on ya–” he nearly chokes, “tuck into you. Bet ya nice and tight–”

“Please, Lee–”

“Say it again, blossom,” he groans.

“Lee,” you beg.

“Mmmm,” his hand falls down, taking the phone with it. 

Suddenly, the screen dims but you can still see shapes through the shadows. The silhouette of his dick as he strokes it, his thick fingers squeezing tight as his voice rumbles in the air. You’re too stunned to say a word, to hit end. You just gape and watch him play with himself.

“You see what you make me do, little darling,” he snarls, “you got me–”

He chokes and spasms, rubbing his cocks as he stammers out a splintered moan. You see the eruption from his tip and hear the slickness as he spreads it up and down his length. You squeal and cover your eyes at last. You’re absolutely humiliated.

“Lee!” You exclaim as you peek through your fingers.

He sighs and fixes the camera, turning it back to his face. His skin is shiny with sweat and a lock of hair hangs down his forehead. His cheeks are ruddy and flushed from his excitement. 

“I hadta, sweet thing,” he growls, “if I didn’t,” he clears his throat, “I woulda had to come over there and do more.”

“Wh-why… Lee, I… I gotta go to sleep. Please. I got class tomorrow,” you plead.

“Mmm, such a good girl. I’ll dream of you,” he says, “hope not too much, the way you got me right now.”

“I’m sorry, I gotta be up early,” you murmur, hoping he’ll let you go. 

“It hurts, blossom, how much I want you.”

“Mhmm,” you look away from the phone, “I…good night.”

He lets out a long exhale, a thick gristle catching in his throat, “night, darlin’. Now don’t you be touching yourself. You save that for me.”

“Lee, I wouldn’t–” you bat your lashes in shock.

“I know, sweet thing, I know. I’m just teasing. You sleep tight.”

You hit end in hopes he doesn’t notice your frown. You throw the phone away from you and plunge onto the bed. You hide your head under the pillow and squeal. You can’t believe what he just did and you’re terrified of what he might do next.

[aeyunaa]

hii how r uu?? Can you make a bff!jaemin smut please? Its where jaemin decided to invite innocent!fem reader to watch hentai with him then things started to go very spicy and intimate🫣 tyy !

Okay so you asked and you shall receive I mixed both your and @andyprkmyluv requests hope you guys don’t mind 😭!

Eye Candy 🍬 pt.2

Pairing: Jaemin x jisung x fem!reader

Word count- 8K

Smut Tw

Overstimulation, cock warming, creampie, somnophilla, drug use, y/n is a total slut!

Wrap it up irl, it’s better to be safe then sorry! 😭🙏🏻

——————

It's been two weeks you haven't seen Jaemin, jisung or mark because they were on tour in the united states. You call them almost every other day to make sure they were doing okay. You called them earlier and they were already boarding the plane back to Seoul.

“We should totally celebrate when we get back” Jaemin winks hinting he meant something totally different from the word “celebrate”. “You're an asshole.” He chuckled “no but seriously come visit me when we get back, I wanna show you something cool.” You cock an eyebrow “mm…I’ll think about it.” Before he could say anything else you waved and hung up you hoped he wouldn’t take it to heart.

A few hours go by and you spend them by getting dressed. There was a knock on the front door and you ran to open it. “Mark!” You pull him into a hug and smile. “Hi y/n” he broke the hug and walked inside, he set his bags down in the living room and laid on the couch. You shut the door and walk into the living room “I'm going to my friend Sara’s house.” Mark looked up at you “Sara?”.

You nodded, “whose Sara? Where does she live?” Mark started asking too many questions so you shut him up by saying you’ll call him every other hour he agreed but you saw that slight look of worry. Mark was always protective of you since the first time he saw you, having a little sister was one of the best things that happened to him he’d say.

——————-

You feel a hint of nervousness as you knock on the door. Jisung opened the door, his hair was messy and his eyes were half way closed. Your nose caught on to the smell of weed. You laughed at him before walking inside and into the hallway, Jaemin’s room was the very last down the hall. You quietly turn the knob and open the door. You peek in “looking for someone?” Jaemin's voice asks from behind you. You snap your head towards him and frown “you’re an asshole” he smiles and leads you into his room. His room was decorated with LED lights. He had a nice gaming setup in the corner of his room you sat on his large bed “so what's up lover boy?”. He sat down beside you and opened the laptop that was lying on the bed. You heard him typing on the keyboard after a while he stopped and looked back up at you “I was hoping you were up for a bit of binge watching…” you nodded. “Mark doesn’t know I’m over here. I told him I was going to one of my friends' houses. “Your brother would probably unalive me if he knew our situation”. You agreed with him “Mark just can’t find out…''Jaemin sent you a grin before lying down, setting the laptop a good distance away from his face. He pats the space in front of him signaling you to lie down. You set your purse down on the side of the bed before laying down in front of Jaemin, your back touching his chest.

He pressed play on the video and wrapped an arm around your waist. The both of you were awkwardly quiet as the massive globs of white, splatter and ooze over an animated face, the girl goes cross eyed with pleasure. You feel Jaemin’s arm grow even tighter around your waist, pulling your ass till it is resting against his clothed dick. “Jaemin…” you turn towards him and wrap your arms around his neck pulling him into a passionate kiss that soon turns completely lustful. A loud moan left your lips as he snuck a hand into your shorts. His hands played with your sensitive bud, His free hand lifted enough to work his belt open and the sound of the zipper broke through the heat that had risen to your ears.

Kissing at your jaw and ear, Jaemin nipped at the lobe, shoving your shorts to the side, rubbing his fat cock against the heat of your core. He used the arch of his hips to slide inside of you, groaning into your ear. His hips remained still until he couldn’t take it any longer and, gritting his teeth, he would begin a hard, steady pace. Slamming into you each time, he’d savor every sound you made.

Your moans were hot and heavy, your hands found their way to Jaemin’s shoulders, you held on for dear life, accepting all he gave you, “Oh, Jaemin!” You whimpered, and he turned his head to kiss at your jaw, thrusting deeper and deeper. The hand that had once been on your chin snaked up and tangled itself in your hair, roughly pulling your head back, causing you to cry out as the pain mingled with intense pleasure.

Your lips were bruised and the makeup you spent hours on was all over the pillows and bedsheets. “Fuck Y/n! cum for me.” He demanded, roughly biting at your neck, his hand gripped onto your hair tighter as he began to slam his hips into you harder, the bed shaking with the strength behind his thrusts. You moaned wildly and knew you wouldn’t last long, your orgasm hit, you convulsed.

The hard clamp of your walls around his large cock made him hiss out a deep groan, his hips continued thrusting forward allowing your walls to milk him, “Fuuuuuck…” He breathed, “…. Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” His muscles contract and send heat spurting against your core, painting your swollen flesh. But Jaemin wasn’t done with you… “Are you my good girl Y/n?” You nodd desperately. “Then you wouldn’t bother helping jisung out again, right? He didn’t get to witness how amazing your pussy felt last time and he was pretty bummed. Jaemin picks up his phone and texts someone most likely jisung. After about five minutes he walks in and shuts the door “you don’t know how long I was waiting for this.” He says walking over to the bed while trying to unbutton the tight jeans he had on. Once he got them off he pulled both his pants and boxers off, throwing them onto the floor you sat up and he pulled you into a hot kiss Jaemin laid against the headboard of his bed and admired the scene playing out in front of him. Jisung crawled onto the bed and laid down beside Jaemin “can you ride me, love?” You nodded tirelessly before crawling over to where jisung was laying and positioning yourself over his pretty dick. He placed both hands on your hips as you slowly sank onto his cock. You continue to move your hips— jisung thrusts up as he feels you bouncing in his hold. Jaemin leans up and rests his chin against your shoulder “y/n look at how desperate sunggie is to fill you up, don’t you wanna help him” you nod vigorously as you pick up your speed bouncing up and down the males cock Jisung’s nails dig into your waist.

Jaemin was still behind you whispering in your ear about how much jisung wanted to be milked dry. Jisung’s whimpers grow louder as you ruthlessly slam yourself down on him “I-I’m going to cum!~” Jisung sounded like a total brat right now it turned you on in a way you couldn’t explain. You push yourself down on him one last time before he completely breaks. He came hard in you, his large load filled you up so nicely. You fell onto his chest and caught your breath before pulling yourself off of his limp cock and falling into the silk sheets Jaemin pulls you into a back hug and jisung lays in front of you. It wasn’t long before all three of y’all passed out.

You muttered, the sheets slipped away leaving your body completely exposed. Slowly, need and desire began to smolder under your skin. You arched your back, pushing your hips forward in search of more sensation. You groaned at the soft, slow, relentless touch continued. You made a slight whining noise “J-jaemin”. “Shhh this will be quick I promise.” You feel him position his cock in between your folds. he quickly thrusts forward, nearly causing you to bump into the sleeping boy next to you. Jaemin thrusts are slow and lazy he just needed a bit of relief. He feels his climax approaching already, he holds you close as he spills into you. You can feel a mix of his and probably Jisung’s leak out from your overfilled cunt. Jaemin doesn’t pull out. He kisses your neck and pulls the sheets back over the two of you.

You wake up in the morning when you hear sudden arguing. One of the voices was definitely Mark, your heart sank when the door flew open. “What. The. Fuck.” Mark's jaw dropped at the sight of his sister in bed with both of his best friends was truly traumatizing. Jaemin’s eyes opened and locked with his “Mark?”

“Dude. What the hell?”

[appocalipse]

BEGGING for lipstick from the prompt list with Steve. I’ve been binging all of your blurbs and then read that prompt and died thinking about it.

you're so sweet, thank you. ♥ honestly i was hoping someone would pick this prompt cause it was my favorite | steve + fake dating ♥

[LIPSTICK; Brushing lipstick off their cheek after the other/someone kisses them. ]

—

You find Steve sitting on a sun lounger beside the pool, watching the water thoughtfully. Probably bored out of his mind, you think, feeling a little guilty.

He doesn't hear you approaching. The sun lounger is big enough for you to sit next to him, though there's only a tiny gap between your bare thigh and his. 

"Sorry," you say, handing him one of the two glasses you brought with you and offering an apologetic smile. 

Steve stares suspiciously at the red liquid, frowning at the small bright yellow umbrella decorating the glass. "For what?" he asks. His tone is soft, his expression even softer when his eyes meet yours.

"For dragging you to the world's most boring party."

"Oh, you should see my parents' parties," he beams, fiddling with the small umbrella absentmindedly. "Those were three times worse than this. And at least I have you here."

He lightly bumps your shoulder with his and you try to keep the smile on your face from looking too silly, too needy. You don't think you succeed. The solution is lowering your head and pretending to be interested in the drink in your hand — which, by the way, you don't even know what it's called, let alone what it's made of.

And Steve looks too pretty in the dim moonlight. 

"And you didn't drag me here, I volunteered," he adds when you don't say anything, taking a careful sip of his own drink. "But what is this? Jesus," he frowns at the glass as if it has offended him deeply.

Then, Steve laughs.

As always, his laugh is contagious. A giggle escapes you in no time. "I have no idea. Some fancy drink May is making for everyone."

Steve braves another sip, then decidedly puts the glass down on the ground next to your legs…your legs, which he's now looking intently at. It's subtle but definitely there, a gaze that lingers a second too long before he's straightening up and clearing his throat, once again the picture of a great, respectful friend. It happened, you tell yourself. And yet, your mind desperately tries to convince you that you're reading too much into this, into him, into this relationship.

You take a big sip of your drink. It's far from being your favorite, but it's also not bad. A little sweet, a little strong. You're not sure whether you're hoping it boosts your courage or completely erases it along with all of your thoughts about the boy beside you. It doesn't seem to be working either way.

Coming to this high school reunion — a pathetic excuse of a party with your classmates from your old school in Indianapolis, more like — was probably not your best decision. Bringing Steve along as your fake boyfriend wasn't your brightest idea either, because even though he'd been pretty convincing all night and made everyone basically fall in love with him, now you can't stop thinking about what it would be like if he really was your boyfriend.

"So," Steve starts, sighing. You look up, hoping to catch a glimpse of a star, a distraction, but the sky is clear tonight. "That guy- Philip."

Steve doesn't look at you. He tries very hard to appear almost distracted, like he's just making small talk. You bite back a smile.

"Phil," you correct him. 

"Phil," Steve repeats, as if the name leaves a bad taste in his mouth. "He looked really upset when you introduced me as your boyfriend, you know."

There's potential in the way this conversation is going, you think, although you also hate how this is the first thing that comes to your mind.

"He's with May," you inform.

"Why do I feel like there's a story there?"

You set your glass down carefully next to Steve's and take a deep breath. "There is. A very short one: we dated the year before I moved to Hawkins, tried long distance, and then he cheated on me with May and they started dating. The end."

Steve stares at you for a long moment before answering.

"Wow, what an idiot. I was going to say I'm sorry, but you can do so much better than him. Honestly."

You exhale a nervous laugh. "So much better that I had to ask a friend to pretend to be my boyfriend just so I wouldn't feel like such a loser."

"You are not a loser."

The look you give him seems to ask 'really?' Steve stares back at you as if you've just cursed him profusely, although you can see the offended expression is entirely false.

"You are not a loser," he repeats seriously, holding your gaze. 

You can read the request implied in the sentence, and you see little option but to comply with it, smiling.

"Okay, I'm not a loser," you concede, feigning annoyance. You look down at your shoes, certain that this is not the time for self-pity but unable to stop. "I just can't make anyone love me."

"I love you," Steve says easily.

You use all your willpower not to blush, even though you're positive it's not even possible to contain such a thing. It's not the first time Steve has said those words and you know there's nothing romantic about them. And yet every time you hear those three words — which happened only a couple of times during the span of your friendship, (usually caused by emotional hugs on holidays) — you still feel an inexplicable tingling in the back of your neck, a shiver down your spine.

"I love you too," you say, and it's not the first time either. Getting the words out without letting the real extent of the feeling behind them show is still quite hard for you. "But I meant, you know… as more than friends."

Steve looks at you differently, or maybe it's just the faint moonlight tricking your eyes, but for a moment you think he's actually going to say something. 

And then the moment passes and he leans forward, resting his palms on his knees in silence. 

You let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding.

"Thank you."

Steve turns his face to look at you. 

"What for?"

"For coming here with me. And for keeping up the loyal boyfriend facade even in front of a bunch of gorgeous girls drooling over you."

You chuckle in hopes of sounding more relaxed. All Steve does is smile.

"It wasn't hard, you now," he says, and you don't think you'd be able to wipe the smile from your face if you tried. "It was actually pretty easy. And you're way prettier than all of them."

Your smile grows into a giggle. "Steve-"

"And way funnier and kinder too. And nicer. You're really nice, you know that? And your perfume is-"

You put your hand over his mouth, laughing. "Fine, fine! Stop!" you chide, even though this is the last thing you want him to do.

You can see the smile in his eyes.

And that's it; it's the soft look on his face, his infuriating perfect hair, his sweet words...those are the things you blame when you lean forward and impulsively kiss him on the cheek, leaving a red mark on his skin almost perfectly the shape of your lips.

"Thank you," you say before pulling away, sounding surprisingly firm despite what you've just done.

You can't be imagining it. The expression of confusion on his face, half disbelieving and half dreamy, definitely a little satisfied. It can't be just you imagining it.

Did I cause this?

Your thumb touches the lipstick stain on Steve's cheek and you rub it gently, using your other hand to gently cup his chin. "Shit, I'm sorry, Steve," you whisper. "I got lipstick on your face."

He smiles. You know he's smiling because you're looking at his mouth right now.

And he's looking at yours.

Oh my God.

The pad of your thumb is red because of the lipstick and his cheek is still slightly colored by the traces of it, but now your attention has dissipated like a puff of smoke and you are unable to grasp it again.

Steve grabs your wrist, mumbles your name. With his free hand, he touches your lips with his fingertips and states, "Your lipstick is smudged."

"Is it?" you ask.

"It is," he assures. And kisses you.

Steve's lips are soft and he tastes like May's drink, sweet as he moves against you slowly, perhaps hesitant or perhaps wanting to enjoy every second, you think, wishing it was the last option. His arm curls around your waist and you sigh against his mouth, pulling away just for a brief moment. But his lips chase yours and capture them in another kiss and another and another until there's no option but to pull away for air.

He rests his forehead against yours and smiles between heavy breaths. "I lied," Steve whispers. "Your lipstick wasn't smudged before."

[danganphobia]

abt ur laishuro college au....what do you think would happen if they spent the night at eachothers dorms

pre-relationship college au: the first time toshiro spends the night at laios' dorm it's definitely to work on an assignment together. laios and chilchuck dorm together but chilchuck is out for the night so they have the place to themselves. it's completely innocent tbh because laios has a gigantic puppy crush on toshiro and would do anything just to be in his company... when toshiro says it's getting late laios makes puppy eyes and says he'll order in and they could just watch a movie and hang out. it barely takes any convincing before toshiro gives it and laios goes "YAY" and they spend the rest of the night binging movies on the couch. laios is just infodumping lore the whole time while they eat and toshiro silently listens because he doesn't know what's going on, and laios talking over the movie makes it even more difficult to make sense of anything but a) he's really cute and b) he smells good and c) toshiro doesn't know if he should look laios in the eyes or keep his eyes on the tv because laios is staring directly at him as he talks and it's overwhelming

then toshiro falls asleep on accident because i'd imagine he's a bit of a workaholic and is sleep-deprived. laios' shoulder makes a really good pillow. meanwhile laios is texting another gc with just farlyn and marcille freaking out like GUYSHESSLEEPING ON MYSHOULEDER HE LOOKS SO CUTE WHAT DO I DO and theyre like whatever u do do Not Wake Him Up. toshiro's looks so comfortable too, so laios just grabs the throw blanket on the couch and drapes it over toshiro. they fall asleep together. it's a very cute moment.

Morning Toshiro very much regrets this though. he wakes up snuggling next to Laios and he's like oh Shit and jumps off the sofa, waking Laios up. Toshiro's insisting that he really has to go back to his dorm he's stayed way too long and that's not supposed to happen. he's grabbing his stuff and flipping his shit. laios just laughs and walks up to toshiro, and very calmly asks, "before you go, can i just make you breakfast first?"

toshiro's stomach rumbling answers that question lmao. after breakfast laios walks him back to his dorm :) toshiro turns around and shyly thanks him for breakfast and last night. laios scratches the back of his head and grins that it's no problem, and that he'd love to do it again, but without assignments involved. toshiro's like but why would we do that. laios blushes, "it's 'cause i like hanging out with you?" and it's toshiro's turn to blush and he says, "oh, okay."

Laios brights up and says "really???" his excitement is kind of confusing but it makes Toshiro snort and he nods anyway because he just can't bring himself to say no to Laios anyway. Neither of them speak about them cuddling last night like idiots. They just linger at Toshiro's dorm, not sure of what to say next, because if they do say something they'd have to leave and cut their time together short. Laios asks for a hug though, and Toshiro hugs him before he leaves. This hug, in particular, lasts just a bit longer than all their other ones. So take that as you will. :)