#i should start a tag for mea because....oh i will be talking about Him

[first-blight]

Eden Ryder, we are so back

[ladydimitrescuspet]

A Living Hell

ao3 link! a little bit of angst for you beautiful souls! I must admit that I hurt my feelings writing this so I ask that you send alcina some love and all the positivity that you can! as always sorry for any grammatical errors, please enjoy, and let me know your thoughts if you want to share them!

warning: no happy ending, sorry!

Tag List (only fill out the form once please): @lord-dimitrescu, @alwaysgoodnight, @paint-it-periwinkle, @lightspica, @ultimatebottom69, @sexyheisenbeast, @crazy-obsessed, @squid3, @inlovewithalcinadimitrescu, @the-obscurity, @sapphicalciee, @ladydimitresculove, @solemnnova, @itsyourgirlmalise, @the-little-shadow, @marvelwomen-simp, @rachelthefanfictionwriter, @d14n4ol, @peachesandlesbians, @celina1221, ｜Anna, @Gansito83, @Followingmyheartledmetoyou, @theuslesslezbian (won’t tag, idk why)

-----

“Mother, I think Y/N’s broken. They’re afraid of me, they’ve never been afraid of me.” Daniela said to her mother.

Alcina motioned for her daughter to come over to her, patting her lap. When Daniela was on her lap, her head rested against her mother. “Y/N’s...” Alcina trailed off, gathering her words together properly. “I know Y/N acts a little different around us nowadays, but.... because of that wretched man-thing and what he did, their memories of us have disappeared, for lack of a better word.” Alcina explained.

“Disappeared? Will they come back?” Daniela asked with a small frown.

Alcina pressed a kiss to Daniela’s forehead. “It’s complicated, darling. With Y/N’s amnesia, there’s no telling if they’ll retain their memories ever again. Donna’s doing all she can to monitor their progress.”

“But?” Daniela questioned.

Alcina sighed. “But it’s not looking hopeful.” Alcina replied. Daniela sniffled, her eyes watering. “Nonetheless, my sweet girl, we’ll do all we can to create new memories with them. We must, however, gain their trust again. Where are your sisters?”

“In Y/N’s room.” Daniela replied quietly.

“That’s no good. If Y/N’s scared of you then there’s no doubt that they’re scared of them as well. Up now, Dani.” Alcina said.

Daniela pouted. “Carry me, momma?” Daniela asked, giving her mother her best puppy dog eyes.

Alcina sighed again, a small smile forming on her face. “Fine, fine. Come now, let us go tend to our guest.” Alcina said as she stood from her chair, her daughter in her arms.

As they walked the halls toward your room, Daniela asked her mother some questions. “What if Y/N doesn’t want to create new memories with us? What if they never love us the same way they used to?”

“It will take time, Daniela, but we will do what we can. Unfortunately, we cannot force them to want more with us just because of how things used to be. They have to want those things on their own, do you understand?” Daniela nodded her head. “Good, good. Down you go, dear.” Alcina said as she placed Daniela on the floor before knocking on the door in front of them.

Cassandra opened the door. “Hello, Mother.” Cassandra said. “Y/N’s locked themselves in the bathroom and they won’t come out. They keep screaming that we’re murderers and they want to go home.” Tears welled in Cassandra’s eyes.

“Oh, my darling, I’m sorry. I’ll explain once I calm them down.” Alcina replied, her hand coming up to run her hand over Cassandra’s hair before cupping her cheek. “Like I told Daniela, it’ll take some time, but we will help them readjust to life in the castle.”

Cassandra nodded her head. “Of course, Mother.”

“Mother, has Cassandra told you about Y/N? They’ve been acting very strange since they woke up.” Bela said as she entered the room, a plate in her hand. “I thought it would be nice for them to eat.”

Alcina smiled at her daughter. “That’s very kind of you, Bela. Leave the plate on the vanity, I’ll make sure they eat.” Alcina said. “Why don’t you girls go entertain yourselves before washing up for dinner while I talk to them.” The girls nodded their heads before exiting the room.

Alcina knocked on the bathroom door. “Go away. Leave me alone.” You responded, the door muffling your voice.

“Darling, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Alcina replied. “Why don’t you come out here and have something to eat? I sent my daughters away, but Bela brought you some food.”

“I’m not hungry. Can you please just leave me alone?” You asked.

Alcina sighed. “I’m afraid I can do that, dragoste.” Alcina let out a small grunt as she positioned herself to sit up against the wall by the bathroom door. “How about this? If you talk to me about what’s wrong, I’ll give you your space, okay?” Alcina suggested.

You mulled the offer over for a moment before ultimately agreeing to it. You slowly opened the door, a bit shocked to see the Lady on the floor. You sat across from her, your back against the bed. You put as much distance between the two of you as you could.

You bit your lip and sighed. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” You said.

“But darling, you are home. Castle Dimitrescu is your home. Has been for a few decades.” Alcina replied.

You shook your head. “No. No. This is not my home. My house is in the village with my family. I don’t belong here. I don’t want to belong here.” You looked up at her with tears in your eyes. “I just want to go home. Please let me go home.”

You could see the pain in Alcina’s eyes as you pleaded with her. “I’m afraid with the most recent events that have happened, your home is no longer intact. And darling, your family…” Alcina trailed off.

You shook your head. “No, you’re lying. Stop lying to me. Take me home. Now.” You demanding as you stood up and walked over to her. “Take. Me. Home.”

Alcina sighed before rising to her full height. “As you wish, draga mea.” Alcina replied. “But you will not be permitted to stay on the premises, it isn’t safe to do so as it once was.” You frowned at her words, but you knew she was probably right.

It wasn’t until the next that you and the Lady of the Castle travelled down to the village. The shops were all boarded up, the homes were more rundown than the last time you’d been down there. Despite that, you could see the villagers working on their homes to fix them from the event that happened that the Lady had mentioned.

“What… what happened?” You asked as the two of you walked down the road. You thought you might have needed to give her directions, but she seemed to know where she was going. She looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, confusing etching her facial features a bit. “You mentioned some kind of event or events that happened.”

“Ah.” Alcina grimaced slightly as she thought about. “I guess you could call it an invasion. A one man invasion.” Alcina replied. She cleared her throat before continuing. “You see, Mother Miranda is… in need of something. She, well, she found the perfect thing to help her out so she took it. And we, unfortunately, suffered the consequences of her actions. You were injured during the events protecting ou- my daughters from him. He attacked you from behind with some object, hitting your head thus causing you to fall unconscious. A very heartbreaking moment, dear. And then you were in a coma and my dearest sister, Donna, has taken to monitoring your progress during your amnesia.” Alcina explained.

You frowned. “Amnesia?” Alcina hummed. You shook your head. “No. I can’t, that can’t be. I don’t… I don’t remember ever being at the Castle. Ever.” You stared ahead as you came up to the ruins of what used to be your home.

“And what do you remember?” Alcina asked, putting her hand on your shoulder.

You flinched, moving away from her. “Don’t touch me.” You snapped. “As for your question, I remember saying good night to my family and then going to sleep. Then when I woke up, I was at the Castle, in your…” You trailed off as you tried putting the pieces together. “Your eyes widened in horror. “You. You did this. You caused this.”

“Darling, wha-“

You cut her off. “Don’t act innocent. You killed my family, destroyed my home, and kidnapped me. Making up some story about some man invading the village as the perfect cover.” You glared at her. “Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? That I would just believe your lies?” You could see the pain and hurt in Alcina’s eyes. You moved away from her when she reached her hand out to you again. “I said don’t fucking touch me!” You hissed.

“I’m sorry.” Alcina said softly. “But I didn’t do this. You… you came to the Castle to work. To provide for your family.” Alcina let a small smile grace her face as her eyes teared up a bit. “You were quite clumsy when you started out. The girls didn’t think we should keep you on after your first week, but I… I saw something in you. I made you my personal hand servant after that week. You were terrified. I remember how scared you looked when you found yourself in a room with me, alone. I can’t count how many times I had to reassure you that you were safe with me, for weeks on end. It did take a while for you to warm up to me, but after that you were very confident in your role. We got close, you got close to the girls too. Then one thing led to another. We married. And then that man-thing destroyed the peaceful and loving family I had by taking you away from us.” Alcina sniffled, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

A part of you believed her story, feeling a little tingle within yourself as she told it. But you knew it wasn’t true. “You’re very good.” You replied. Alcina stared at you, purely confused by your words. “At lying. At weaving words together to make them sound believable. You almost had me, almost made me believe that that’s what really happened.” Alcina opened her mouth to say something, but you shook your head. “Don’t bother. You want to know something?”

“Know what?” Her tone sounded a bit lost, you could tell she was beyond hurt by your words.

“That you’re a monster.” You replied. That broke her heart, you could tell the moment you said it, watching her expression crack when you called her a monster. “You take young girls from their homes, kill the men and eat them if they even breathe in your direction. Murdering those girls to use their blood for your so called wine. And call it a form of living, a way for you to survive. You’re a murderer. You’re a monster. But you see yourself as a God, like what you’re doing is okay. It’s not, it’s disgusting. You disgust me. Your daughters disgust me.”

“Y/N, please. You don’t… you don’t mean that. You don’t mean it.” Alcina pleaded slightly as she tried to reach out to you again.

You pushed her hand away, forcefully. “I said don’t fucking touch me. Do not fucking touch me.” You were breathing heavily. You shook your head. “I have to leave. I need to get out of here. You’re monsters, all of you. Every single last one you.” You started walking backwards, away from Alcina. Away from the village. “I'd say I hope you all rot in hell, especially you, but you're already living in it.” You said, spitting at the ground before turning around.

Alcina fiddled with your engagement ring and wedding ring as she watched you walk away from her, tears flowing down her face. She was going to give them back to you when the two of you got back from the village. After she told you what happened. She hadn’t expected you to react that way, didn’t consider this scenario.

Alcina didn’t come after you, she knew she’d already lost you. Twice now. No sense in trying to force you into something you didn’t want. Maybe you always felt this way and the attack was your guiding light, the one you needed to clear your mind and realise just how horrible of a person she was. The girls crowded their Mother as she came home, questioning your whereabouts when they didn't see you.

“Y/N will no longer be residing with us, girls.” Alcina replied. “You may send some maids to clean up the guest room and then you may go play. But I ask that you refrain from ever mentioning Y/N, wipe the Castle of their presence. Get rid of it all.” Alcina requested. “They are as dead to us as we are to them and it will stay that way forever.”

“But Mother…” Daniela started, but quickly found herself closing her mouth at her Mother’s intense stare. “Yes, Mother.” Daniela said dejectedly. Her sisters following her lead before dispersing into their swarms.

Alcina sighed as she made her way to her chambers, placing your rings in the box she’d gotten them in. “Good bye, iubirea mea.” Alcina said softly as she closed the box and placed it on her vanity. The only things she wished to remember you by, allowing only a small part of you to reside in her home and her heart.

[itsallyscorner]

so, I was watching the video that came out today and I was thinking about a age gap seb x reader around his friends like Jessica or maybe chace? And they're just hanging out and they both have this lovesick look on their faces and when she leaves the room for some reason they don't waste any time addressing how in love she is with him, and sebs glad bc they were kinda wary of her at first?

Hiyaaa babes! This is my first request so woohoo🥳 Since you mentioned the video, I literally thought of the pictures that were released while they were filming 355, and now I can’t get the image of Seb in Paris because holy shit he looked good. So I’m gonna be using Jessica❤️

- This came out so long, I’m a sucker for background info and can’t get past writing a story without one💀 Enjoy!💜

💌.

Lovesick

You and Sebastian were unexpected. Literally the chances of you guys getting together were so off and you guys were at different times of your lives. He was in his late 30s, already living most of his life as a successful actor. While you were in your early 20s still in college working on your doctoral degree to become a Pharmacist (It was the only major I could think of atm because it’s the one I’m planing on lol.) You guys met at the cafe near your campus. You always went there every morning and would spot him drinking his morning coffee with his nose stuck in a new script he was reading. You two would sneak glances at each other, admiring each other from afar. Until one day when the cafe was fairly packed and you needed a place to sit. You spotted his familiar face and asked him if you could sit in the seat across from him. Obviously he agreed and you guys talked, getting to know each other the whole time. When it was time for you to leave for classes, you guys exchanged numbers and kept in touch.

Which brings us to today. You and Sebastian have been going strong for about a year now and were approaching your second year together. Though you two are as happy as can be and are still in the honeymoon phase (even after a year), the first few months of the relationship were quite rough. There was an obvious age gap between you two, it didn’t bother you two as much, but the public didn’t react too nicely about it. Your parents weren’t too fond of the idea of you dating an older man, but after getting to know him they knew his intentions with you were well. Same goes for your friends and family. When it came to his fans and the media finding about your relationship, that’s when it went to shit.

The media made Sebastian look like some creep who was going through a midlife crisis for dating someone much younger than him. A few “fans” even claimed that he were a “groomer” after pictures of you and him heavily making out on the street were released. These issues caused some bumps in the road for your relationship, though after many arguments, you two realized that the only opinions that mattered were each other’s.

Now you two were staying at a hotel in Paris. Sebastian was currently working on a big project, “The 355”, something he was very excited about. This was one of the first projects that he was really involved in, from script to screen, he played a pretty big role in this project.

You were typing up a report for your class when Sebastian entered the hotel room. He was still in his set clothes, a light blue shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of Chelsea boots. He approached the bed where you were typing and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Hey sweetheart, how’s school going?” He greeted you as he settled himself on the bed, laying on his side.

“Meh, it’s going...but I finished my report on time. Now I just need to proofread it.” You smiled as you finished typing the last sentence of your report. When Sebastian discovered he was going to film in Paris, he immediately told you, knowing you’ve been dreaming of visiting Paris. Luckily for the both of you, your school allowed you to do online learning (it probably doesn’t work like that but just go with it) and you were able to tag along with him.

“I’m sure it’s prefect, you’re a great writer.” He complimented, you hummed in response. Turning to him you run your hand through his short hair making him lean into your touch. You loved his fluffy hair but the short hair was starting to grow on you.

Sebastian turned his head and pressed a kiss into your palm, stormy eyes gazing up at you.

“How has your day been?” You asked.

“It was good. We got through a good amount of scenes without messing up, so I’d say it was a successful day.” He answered. You smiled at his enthusiasm. Sebastian’s face always lit up when he was talking about a project and it was one of the things you admired most about him, his passion for his work.

“So, you’ve been cooped up in this damn hotel all day. Why don’t you come to dinner with me and the cast tonight? You’ve been waiting to visit Paris all your life and you haven’t even been outside this hotel for days.” He suggested. It was true, you haven’t done much but do school work, order room service, and binge watch shows on Netflix.

“Are you sure they’d want me to come? I might be intruding.” Honestly you were nervous to meet the rest of the cast. You’ve met Jessica a few times but they were brief and she seemed like she didn’t like you. Though that could just be your thoughts making you paranoid, you were still nervous to meet the people Seb worked with. You didn’t want them to think you were using him for money or to travel around the world because you weren’t. You loved Sebastian for himself, not the money and the fame, you could care less about all that.

But they were still Sebastian’s friends and you wanted to have a good first impression on them. You didn’t want them to think you were just some immature college girl who needed money to pay off her college funds.

Noticing you were drifting off, Sebastian pressed another kiss into your palm and grasps it. “You wouldn’t be intruding, Jessica actually suggested you come along.” He mentioned.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, baby. Come on, let’s put this stuff away and get ready. We’re having dinner at the Eiffel Tower.”

“I— the Eiffel Tower?”

•

To say you were intimidated and scared shitless was an understatement. Here you were in the Eiffel Tower having dinner with some of the most talented women in Hollywood. Like seriously Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong’o, Penélope Cruz, and Diane Kruger. Of course Seb and Édgar Ramírez where there as well. Then there was you, NYC local college student. You didn’t wanna say you felt out of place, but you did. These were successful people who probably starred in some of the movies you watched growing up. Now you’re literally in the Eiffel fucking Tower having dinner with them.

Dinner was going smoothly, everyone was talking about the set, shared some funny stories, and you were keeping to yourself simply eating your steak. That was until the attention was brought to you.

“So (y/n), Sebastian mentioned you were in college, what are you studying?” Jessica asked. Everyone turned to you and you swear you felt like a deer in headlights. Seb nudged your thigh with his, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Yes I am! I’m actually taking a PharmD program at St. John Fisher to become a Pharmacist.” you answered.

“For your masters?” She followed up curiously, slightly leaning forward to you.

“No, for my doctoral degree.” You corrected her proudly. You didn’t want to come off as an ass, but you were proud of your work and you worked your ass off for it.

Everyone at the table was taken back by your response. Except Sebastian, who had a just as proud smile on his face. They knew you were in college but not studying something as serious as Pharmacy.

“St.John Fisher College? I had a cousin that went there, it’s a great college.” Lupita was the first to break the silence.

“So are you working in the field yet? For some experience?” Penélope chimed in. Sebastian snorted, “Oh she has experience, trust me.”

You chuckled as you softly smacked Seb’s bicep, “Well currently, I’m interning as a Pharmacy Tech at a hospital pharmacy. They’re thinking about making me a permanent one until I graduate so fingers crossed!”

As you answered all their questions about your personal life and your major, Sebastian couldn’t help but just admire you. Just like how you admired the way he talked about his projects, he admired the way you got lost in rambling about your soon career. The way your eyes lit up, how your hands moved while you talked, and that hint of a smile on your face. He absolutely adored every single thing about you.

Dinner continued, the last question for you about why you chose to do college in New York, which segwayed into a conversation about— well New York. As the others talked about their love for the city, Sebastian wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Your back was now pressed to his chest, both of you not listening to the conversation. You pressed a kiss to his arm and looked back at him.

“Hey you.” You hummed at him rubbing your thumb along his arm.

“Hi.” He gazed down at you with that smile that made his eyes crinkle. The moment was interrupted by your phone ringing. Quickly glancing at the contact ID, it was the hospital pharmacy you interned for.

“You should take that.” Seb whispered into your ear.

“No, Seb that’s rude. We’re at dinner, I’m sure it can wait.”

“I have a good feeling about this call, draga mea.” He coaxed you. Having a feeling that he might be right you excuse yourself from the table. When you’re gone the table goes quiet.

“Sebastian, you’ve got one hell of a girlfriend.” Penélope stated as the rest of the table agreed.

“She’s so smart! What the hell, a doctoral degree? Kudos to her because the amount of motivation I would need to even try!” Jessica followed up with an amazed look on her face.

“I think you guys are forgetting to mention how whipped they both are for each other! Those two were in their own world over there!” Lupita pointed out. The whole table laughed as Sebastian was turning red. Of course he was whipped, he knew he was.

“I love her guys, she’s, she’s something else. The spunk she has, her intelligence, she’s-,” Sebastian began to list but was cut off by Édgar, “Out of your league?”

The whole table burst into laughter as they agreed with Édgar. You were also coming back to the table after your call. Sebastian spotted you, eyes connecting to yours immediately.

“Everything alright?”

“They gave me the permanent job!”

draga mea - my darling 

[jumbojamba47]

I Love You

Pt. 2 of Guest Room

A/N: Thank you for loving my little ball of garbage enough to warrant a second part. I’m feeling warm and fuzzy. Also... I kinda.. sorta.. really got carried away with this. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. Shout out to my irl friends who had to deal with my gleefully rubbing my grubby little paws together all day. 

A/N PT. 2: TUMBLR QUIT BEING A BITCH AND JUST LET ME UPLOAD MY STORY IN PEACE PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU. The last try uploaded to my main and my stomach dropped out of my ass lmao. Fifth and hopefully final time. (I’m so sorry for the notifications spam for everyone I tagged)

PAIRINGS: Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Stucky 

Warnings: 18+, Angst (like so much I’m sorry), Smut, Swearing, Mentions of Alcohol Consumption

Word Count: 5702

Hollow. It’s the only way she can describe the feeling of deep-seated emptiness that settles in her as she watches the quinjet disappear in the distance. What’s that noise? She casts her eyes around her surroundings when she suddenly feels a dampness on her collarbone. Reaching up a hand, she feels moisture on her face.

Oh.

The sounds were coming from her. At the realization of her sobs, pain wracked her frame with nowhere to go.

What was she thinking?

She wasn’t.

When she left Clint in a hurry, she hadn’t even paused to consider what she would say to you if she caught you. What did she feel for you? What could she have told you? Her life conditioned her to believe love was for children. She wasn’t one.

And yet…

She couldn’t deny that there was something about you that always drew her in to you. Every hidden interaction with you pulled onto all five of her senses demanding her full attention until there was only you in front of her; drawn straight into your orbit like a moon of Saturn. Each and every private encounter made it more difficult for the hardened assassin to pull herself away from you only to act unaffected by your presence in public.

Was that love?

It doesn’t matter.

You were sunlight. You were the warm embrace of home calling out to every damaged member of this family seeking acceptance for their past sins and a place to belong.

And she?

Well, she was damaged beyond repair.

She refused to be the one to tarnish your light. And she knew, if she gave in to her weaknesses, you could never really shine. You meant too much to the team. To her. A part of her could also admit to fear. Fear of what would happen if she hurt you.

If you hurt her.

She could live with never knowing what it felt like to call you hers. To hear you whisper her name in the early morning light your sweet features the first things she lays eyes on in your shared haven.

But she knew. She’d never recover if she could have you and lose you. If she were to tear her walls down, only for you to look inside and decide it wasn’t worth it.

That she wasn’t worth it.

With a steely resolve in her eyes, Natasha turned on her heels and began to make her way back towards the gym. She had a few weeks to get her head screwed on straight. She’ll lock away and bury anything she might have felt for you if given the chance. When you’re back, she’ll apologize for the hurt she’s caused you and maybe, just maybe, you’ll let her stay a part of your life.

If, along the way, she refuses to let her mind wander to thoughts of you with someone else, well, that’s her prerogative.

xxxx

You sit in heavy silence on the quinjet. Thoughts of last night’s interactions with the red-headed assassin plaguing your mind. You still feel a pang of pain when you remember her rejection. With a mental shake of your head, you resolve to table your emotions for now to focus on the mission at hand.

You’ve been tasked with leading a team to infiltrate an underground drug trafficking ring disguised as a bi-monthly art auction. Once you arrive at your destination, you’ll be allotted two months of integration and data retrieval before another team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents will be sent in to assist in the take down. You’re leading the team with Scarlet Witch and Falcon following your lead. Agent Hill was chosen to tag along strictly for backup and onsite supervision should the worst come to pass.

Sam and Maria sit up front; you can hear the sounds of quiet banter trickling back towards you while they try to respect your privacy, believing you to be mentally preparing yourself for the road up ahead. Wanda sits opposite you. Your emotions scream at her from across the jet, but she has the decency not to read your actual thoughts.

Still, she can’t help the concerned glances she sends your way.

Noticing her attention on you, you shift your body to turn towards her.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“I could ask you the same. Where did you disappear to last night? I tried to find you after you were pulled away by Natasha, but I couldn’t find you.”

You let out a soft sigh.

“I’m sorry. My heads been a mess lately. I didn’t mean to leave you on the dance floor like that. It was a rough night.”

A hand rises to nervously play with the hair on the back of your neck. You look to the floor.

“I also owe you a bit of an apology for how carried away I got last night. You’re amazing Wan, and I don’t want to lead you on in any way.”

She lets out a light laugh.

“Don’t worry about it, draga mea. We were just two friends who had a little too much to drink, having a little fun. No hard feelings whatsoever.”

You wince and she instantly knows that was the wrong thing to say.

“You know, I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener. Pietro used to say it’s because I had big ears when we were children.”

She reaches out a hand across the aisle to let it rest on your knee. After an internal debate, you decide to divulge everything to her. From your first interactions with the assassin and your instant connection to the fallout from last night.

Listening patiently, Wanda’s eyes widen slightly when you mention what the events that occurred in the ex-soviet’s room.

By the end, Wanda is livid with righteous indignation on your behalf.

“Well, she’s a fool for letting you go.” She squeezes your leg.

“I can’t claim to understand what’s going through her head, but you have to know her feelings aren’t a reflection on your worth. You are the glue that holds this team together and we all love you. Natasha, she…” she pauses, “she’s been through much. More than any of us will ever know. Her experiences have closed her off. But you’re both strong. Maybe you’re not meant to be, but I know you can bounce back from this. We have a few weeks before we’re due back and, in that time, I guarantee you we can get your spirit back up and bouncing like usual.”

“Damn right, we can!” You hear Sam interrupt from the front of the plane.

You release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and let out a light laugh.

Yeah, things weren’t okay.

But maybe they will be.

xxxx

The mission goes off without a hitch and it does wonders for your confidence. As soon as you landed at the safehouse, you and your team had set to work securing the perimeter and preparing for your upcoming roles in the undercover mission. Sam moved first, infiltrating the ranks of the dealers as he uncovered the hierarchy of the operation and fed maria intel to pass on to headquarters. You and Wanda were posed as a wealthy young couple from new money, tasked with getting close to the heads of the drug ring in order to gain access to the final auction where you ultimately took down the entire operation with the aid of several agents.

Despite the smooth execution, you all still found yourselves with extra downtime between stakeouts and it led to the four of you growing closer. One of your favorite pastimes became group binge-watches of The Fairly Odd Parents and Wanda had taken to calling you Cosmo, the husband of her cartoon namesake.

           “ETA: 5 minutes,” called out Hill.

From your seat, you could see the compound looming over the horizon. You take in a nervous breath and release.

Next to you, Wanda can feel your apprehensive tension and takes a moment to give your hand a firm squeeze.

“You’re okay, Cosmo. Remember our talks. You have strength. You know your worth. You’ll be fine.”

You send her a grateful smile and a nod. Your fingers squeeze her back briefly before you move to stand by the doors of the ramp as you hear the jet begin to touch down.

She’s right. During your time away, you came to terms with the fact that it’s not Natasha’s fault that she doesn’t feel the same way as you do. You know you have no control over other people’s feelings, and you owed it to the both of you to face this head on, maturely.

As soon as the jet’s ramp meets the floor of the hangar, you’re met with a wall of pure muscle that really should come with a warning label. Your feet are lifted off the ground and suddenly you’re swinging in circles. You laugh as Bucky’s long hair tickles your nose.

Wait a second.

Is that?

“James Buchanan Barnes. Put me down this instant.”

He stiffens. That’s his name. That’s who he is. He is James Buchanan Barnes. Former sergeant and integral member of the Howling Commandos. The Winter Soldier. Melted down and reforged by Hydra. He was a legend. He was a nightmare. He was feared. He was… terrified.

Christ. Hearing his full name falling out of your mouth in that tone never failed to instill the fear of God into him. Not even his ma, bless her soul, could quite measure up to the intimidating aura you exuded when he knew you were ready to tan his hide.

You stood before him, hands on your hips, feet shoulder width apart, stance strong, eyebrow peaked… and deadly.

“Did you break into my room and steal my hair mask… again?”

The others stand back, watching in amusement while he starts to sweat.

“D-doll, of course not! You explicitly told m-me your room was off limits while you were go-”

You cut him off as you step closer.

“Don’t you lie to me, Barnes,” your eyes narrow and he gulps when you push your face closer to his.

“I can smell the macadamia oil, you heathen.”

Just as you’re about to launch into a lecture about respecting other people’s belongings, you’re interrupted by the sound of Steve’s voice.

“You gotta admit, at least it’s better than smelling the greasy mop he always ends up with after training.”

Your entire demeanor lightens up as you whip around to take a running leap at your favorite Man with a Plan.

“STEVIE!”

He catches you in his arms. “Good to have you back, sugar. We missed you around here.”

You hear a soft exhale of relief come from behind you.

Tilting your head back from where you’re perched in Steve’s arms, you narrow your eyes at Bucky and make a silent gesture to indicate you’re watching him. This is far from over.

He gulps.

“Well, c’mon then, we’re all dying to hear how the mission went. The others are waiting for you in the lounge.”

You stay wrapped around your friend’s dorito shaped torso but make the effort to wriggle your way around him so you’re clinging to his back like an infant koala. He rolls his eyes but does nothing to deter you, choosing to move his arms in support of your legs instead.

“Onward, my trusty steed!” you giggle.

As one, you all make your way towards the main common area, taking the time to drop off your luggage in your respective rooms as you go. Eventually, you make your way to the lounge and as you’re carried in, F.R.I.D.A.Y. blasts the loud trumpets of a herald through her speakers.

Huh, Tony must’ve upgraded her sense of humor.

Greeting the others, you use your hands in Steve’s hair like an oversized rat with a penchant for cooking to guide him towards your favorite lounge chair. Sam and Wanda move towards the kitchen to look for the good snacks they couldn’t have undercover while everyone else gathers around the remaining lounges.

From the corner of your eye, you can see Natasha hovering off to the side near Clint but you can’t quite get yourself to make eye contact yet. You wait for everyone to settle in. Wanda approaches you with two mugs of tea in her hands offering you one with a “just the way you like it, Cosmo”. It’s punctuated with a wink and she perches herself on the arm of your seat, bringing her own around to rest across the back. Her hand finds its way to your hair playing with a few strands to keep you grounded while you purposefully train your eyes away from a certain side of the room.

Wanda really did become your rock in the weeks away. While you never repeated anything from the night of your party, you fell into an easy companionship with the young mutant that led to you each being comfortable around the other. She knew how hard your return would be for you and made it her next mission to make sure you knew you had a solid support system in place.

Seeing the close interaction between the two of you, Bucky and Steve both shoot you cheeky grins and eyebrow wiggles that have you holding up a throw pillow just under Wanda’s current line of sight. She glances down, smirks and hurls the pillow at the two men using her powers, ensuring she adds a boomerang effect to ricochet off the face of one in order to hit the other stunning both of them.

“Nice!” You give her an enthusiastic high five as she wiggles her fingers at the recovering men.

“I just learned that one on the job. I have to keep practicing for muscle memory.” She states in a faux haughty tone while you snicker at the indignation on your Brooklyn Boys’ faces.

Across the room, Natasha watches you. She knew she missed you while you were away, but nothing could have prepared her for the onslaught of emotions that crashed into her when she finally laid eyes on you after weeks apart. You still had the same mischievous spark in your eyes. Your nose still crinkled just the slightest bit when you laughed. Your smile could still light up an entire room like the Fourth of July.

God, she missed you.

She watches your raucous banter with the resident super-soldiers with a fond smile teasing the corners of her lips. She takes note of the casual arm slung across your shoulders, the hand tangled in your hair, and something inside of her burns. Her jaw clenches.

She’s not yours to have.

Clint nudges her shoulder with a pointed look. She realizes she’s been emitting a soft growl. Focus Romanoff! Where is your training? She strains but ultimately fixes her posture until she’s the posterchild for casual aloofness. Her best friend snickers but chooses not to comment on the slight rigidity he can see in her shoulders.

Tony claps his hands to gain everyone’s attention.

“Alright alright, Hermione’s new parlor tricks aside, we all know why we’re really here.”

In his best imitation of Fury’s gruff voice, he growls out, “Hill. Debrief report. Judgement on (y/hero/n)’s execution?”

Rolling her eyes but playing along, “All objectives executed to perfection. Leadership skills exemplary, sir!” she tosses in a mock salute.

It’s quiet before everyone breaks into cheers and congratulate you and your team on a successful job well done. You’re beaming when you hear Sam chime in with, “You better watch out Cap. (Y/l/n) could give you a run for your money as team captain. We might be shipping you to a retirement home sooner than we thought.

Your best friend grins at you with pride and mirth shining in his eyes and you feel warm inside.

“I think we could come to a truce and work together. Co-captain sound good to you doll?”

“I don’t think so Steve. I’ll leave the captaincy to you. I don’t think I could handle dragging the metal chicken wing over there back in line every day,” you respond with a laugh, sticking your tongue out at Sam. You draw out a squawk of offense and everyone bursts into laughter.

You turn your head slightly and find yourself making direct eye contact with the very same pair of vivid green eyes that still visit you in your dreams. You swallow down the rising emotions and offer her a small smile. She looks startled at first but relaxes slightly and gives you one of her own in return.

Maybe you could do this.

You spend a few more minutes catching up with the rest of the team, learning about what everyone has been up to while you were away. Checking the time, you slowly pull away from Wanda, who still has her weight resting on you, and announce that you’re going to head to your room to wash off and settle in before you have to fill out your mission reports.

Everyone bids you goodnight and you exit the room, walking the familiar pathway towards your own residence. Your ears pick up quiet footsteps behind you causing you to turn your head slightly.

A small sharp inhale escapes your lips. Your eyes betray you with a quick scan of her nervous form standing in front of you. Her hair is a little longer and the circles under her eyes are just the slightest shade darker. She still looks just as breathtaking as the day you walked out of her room. Her presence instantly brings you peace and you curse yourself under your breath.

Mentally slapping yourself, you plaster on a casual smile.

“Hey Nat. Been a while.”

You cringe.

Really? Been a while? Really?

She steps towards you, “Hi (y/n/n),” she responds softly.

“Listen I-”

“Can we-”

You both let out a nervous chuckle.

“Sorry. Go ahead, you first,” she says.

“Listen, Nat. I owe you an apology.”

She stills. What could you possibly have to apologize for? You’re not the one who broke the heart of the love of your life just because you had commitment issues.

Stop that. She’s not your love of anything.

She opens her mouth to interrupt but you press on.

“It wasn’t fair of me to try to push you into something you clearly weren’t comfortable with. You made it clear that you didn’t love me the way I loved you. I never wanted to make you feel like I would demand anything of you. You’re more than entitled to your own feelings and it wasn’t okay for me to project what I felt onto you.”

Frozen in place, her mind could only focus on two words.

Loved? Felt?

And didn’t that sting?

She can feel her throat start to constrict but she goes along with it.

Maybe it’s for the best.

“It’s okay (y/n/n). I understand where you came from and I’m partially to blame for letting things go on for as long as they did without taking your feelings into consideration.

“Friends?”

A small, okay large, part of her brain screamed in agony that this was wrong.

Instead, she smiles and nods opening her arms.

You gingerly step into her embrace, one arm comes up holding her shoulder while the other gently cups the back of her head in a familiar hold.

Her arms come up to wrap themselves around your middle, squeezing slightly.

If either of you noticed the other inhale just a little deeper, neither of you chose to comment.

xxxx

Several weeks go by and you’ve settled back into a familiar routine. Wanda has officially been adopted into you and your boys’ infamous trio and the brunette witch could often be seen joining in on your foolish antics around the compound. At first, the three made a pact to ensure you would never be exposed to prolonged periods of alone time with the woman who damaged your tender heart. Often times, you’d catch yourself alone with the assassin only for one of the others to immediately swoop in to whisk you away and drag you into some activity before you could draw each other into a prolonged conversation

It took you a few days to catch on to what your friends were doing. While the sentiment was greatly appreciated, you couldn’t miss the slight look of hurt that crossed Natasha’s face whenever you were pulled away from her. Eventually, you had to put your foot down, taking them aside one day. You told them that you loved them and appreciated their concern. But you’re an adult and you can handle your affairs well enough on your own.

They backed off but still continued to keep a wary lookout. They couldn’t help it. You were their favorite.

Your interactions with the devastatingly gorgeous avenger were still a little stunted and you both miss the longing stares you direct towards each other on occasion. Still, you’re getting better.

It still hurts sometimes but you’re okay as long as you still have her in your life. In any capacity.

You think you’re getting better. It stills hurts but you’re okay as long as you still have her in your life.

xxxx

You’re in the gym talking to Sam one afternoon as he spots you in the weights section while Natasha and Clint are sparring on the mats.

“The team’s decided to make an appearance at a new nightclub Aluminum Alloy Man bought out on a dare tonight. You in, sugar?”

You laugh at the latest nickname he’s given Stark but shake your head no.

“Sorry Sam but I’ve got a date.”

You hear a particularly loud grunt come from Clint and turn your head slightly to see Natasha apologizing while he’s doubled over catching his breath.

“Oh? Anyone we know?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

You roll your eyes.

“With myself, you dork. I’ve been dying to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and I finally have the downtime to sit through it. There’s a bottle of wine and a couch calling my name and I intend to capitalize.”

He laughs but nods understandingly.

“That’s fair. You good here? I better head out to get ready.”

“Yeah, yeah, you go ahead. Have fun tonight!” You wave him off wiping the sweat off the back of your neck with a damp towel.

“(Y/L/N)!” You hear your name called out from across the gym.

“Care to spar? Clint’s tapping out. He’s a wuss.”

You start to hesitate but choose to nod instead, stepping into the ring, setting your towel on the rope to dry.

You begin to circle one another assessing each other’s weaknesses. She makes the first move lashing out with a swift kick to your ankle, aiming to leave you off balance. You dodge out of the way and retaliate with a series of jabs towards her torso. This goes on for several minutes each of you landing several hits when Natasha launches herself off your bent knee, intending to use her signature thigh grip of death to bring you down.

Not today, Satan.

You bring your arms up, wedging them between your neck and her legs before she can get a grip. You latch onto her legs tightly before you swing her around your body, tackling her to the floor. You move your hand to cradle the back of her head to ensure it doesn’t smack into the ground, bringing yourself much closer to her body in the process.

You’re both panting heavily, stuck, mesmerized by the intense look in each other’s eyes. You have one leg between her thighs, knee pressed to her core, puffs of air intermingling between you.

Is she? Leaning towards you?

Oh, you definitely felt that wiggle of her hips against your knee.

You wet towel drops to the floor with a wet smack and just like that, the spell is broken.

You both scramble apart and you move to pick up the offending object.

Behind you, Natasha clears her throat sheepishly.

“So, I couldn’t help but overhear your big plans for tonight while you were talking to Wilson. Is there room for one more? I was actually planning to do the same, but I hear Monty Python is much funnier with good company.”

Everything inside of you screams that this is a terrible idea. But here’s the thing, you thrived off of terrible ideas.

“Sure, why not? We can start when everyone else heads out?”

Sure you would have declined, she brightens considerably and throws you a grin.

She starts walking backwards towards the door.

“Great! It’s a date! I mean- not a date-”

She smacks herself right into the door.

You let out a small laugh.

“I know what you meant.”

“Right. Yes. I’ll see you tonight!” She scurries out the door.

You stay standing there in the ring watching the space she just occupied.

On the other side of the door, Natasha leans heavily against the metal.

What have I gotten myself into?

xxxx

You bid goodbye to your friends and make sure to tell them to call you should they need anything. Once everyone is out the door, you turn around, inhale deeply, and set to work.

Despite everything, and your unfailing determination to not fall down the same rabbit hole, you can’t help but want to take care of Natasha in any capacity you can.

So, you take extra care to grab her favorite snacks, her go-to brand of wine, a couple glasses, and an oversized hoodie you always kept in the back of the closet, on hand just for her. She had a tendency to relax in thinner loungewear, but you knew once she settled in, she stubbornly refused to get up for anything no matter how cold she got.

As you set everything down on the coffee table in front of the oversized, plush couch in the center of the movie room, the beauty in question makes her way towards you in, surprise surprise, a thin tank top and shorts.

You roll your eyes but toss her your sweatshirt and she grins at you before hastily throwing it on, snuggling into the warmth. You both settle onto opposite sides of the couch, the wine and snacks split between you. The movie plays and you find yourselves relaxing. Like magnets, you eventually gravitate towards each other, sharing jokes and snacks, yelling at the large screen in front of you as the Black Knight stubbornly refuses to die.

Without realizing each other’s movements, she winds up leaning against you while your arm is wrapped around alternating between playing with her hair and rubbing soothing patterns across her shoulder and biceps.

You feel a shudder come from the deadly ball of fluff in your arms and only then do you realize your positions. You can’t bring yourself to move.

“Cold?”

“Yeah,” she nods. Attempting to burrow herself further into your clothes.

You pull her closer to you until her legs are resting over yours, head tucked under your chin, puffs of air tickling your sensitive neck.

Bad move (y/l/n).

You forget how to breathe. Natasha turns to look at you when she feels you still beneath her.

Oh. Oh god.

She didn’t realize how close she was to you and from this distance, she can see every detail of your ethereal beauty in the dim light of the movie lighting.

You turn your head to take a quick peak at her but suddenly you’re drowning in a sea of green. Your breath hitches when green is replaced by red and suddenly plump lips are crushing your own.

You moan and your hands scramble for purchase as the angel in your lap twists to straddle you. Fists tighten in your hair while she nips at your lower lip, close to drawing blood. She tugs at your shirt and you get the message. You desperately rip away your top while she follows suit before she pushes you onto your back spreading out on top of you.

A loud groan escapes your lips as the vixen in your arms finds the sensitive space right below your ear. Unwilling to be out done, you wrap your legs around her hips and gracefully flip yourselves over, trailing kisses down the crevice of her breasts, mapping your way down her body. Like Copernicus charting the stars. Reaching your destination, you pull apart the draw strings of her shorts with nothing but your teeth, earning a moan of approval from the writhing redhead. You smoothly slide back up her body, meeting her desperate lips in a searing kiss while your hand finds her center, already feeling the slick wetness ready for you. Natasha’s limbs fly to wrap around you as you set a steady pace pushing her closer and closer to the edge. Knowing she needs the extra push, your other hand moves to pull aside her bra before you deliver a harsh nip and a firm curl of your fingers.

She sees stars.

No.

She sees galaxies.

You continue to move, determined to prolong her pleasure for as long as possible.

You’re rewarded with the crack of her voice as she hurdles into the abyss.

“God, I fucking love you.”

It slips out of your mouth completely unbidden.

But it’s too late.

The damage can’t be undone.

Just like that, she snaps back to reality.

She hastily sits up. Your hand falls back into your lap as she quickly stands picking up her shirt.

“We can’t do this.”

“Natasha, I-”

“No.”

“Natasha, would you jus-”

“I said no!”

You feel like you’ve been here before.

She turns to make a hasty retreat, but you catch her hand in a tight grip before she can get too far.

“Why do you keep running from me? Am I so repulsive that the thought of being with me has you running for the hills?”

“Not everything is about you, (y/l/n),” she bites out.

Neither of you hear the team returning but all of them can hear the yelling coming from your direction and they run towards you.

“No. You always do this! Every time I think we’ve gotten to a good place; you freeze me out.”

“That’s the thing! We were in a good place! We were having fun. We had each other when we needed it and nothing more! We were so good like that. We can still be like that!”

Tears fill your eyes.

“It’s not enough.”

“Why can’t this be enough?!” she cries.

“This has to be enough,” she whispers looking at anything but you.

A hand moves to grip hers gently. The other rises to cup her chin to guide her eyes to yours.

“This could be so much more. Let me love you the way you deserve.”

Staring into your eyes, she can see you dying a little more inside the longer she stays silent.

She pulls away from you.

Okay.

You thought you could be fine with just floating in her orbit. Maybe you underestimated how long it would take for you to heal enough to allow it. Or maybe you couldn’t do this at all.

Your head tilts towards the floor. Your lips break into the softest, most heart-breaking smile she’s ever seen.

“I’m always going to love you Natasha Romanoff. But I owe it to the both of us to know this won’t be enough for me. This can’t be enough for me.”

A whimper is caught in her throat but she can’t bring herself to move when you step back away from her.

“I love you. I don’t want to,” you breathe out.

Natasha swears she hears something inside her shatter.

“I’m sorry I don’t give you the strength you need to pursue your own happiness. I really hope you find someone who does. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

You make me happy.

Just say it!

Her body screams in protest with every fiber of her being.

“Bye Tasha.”

You turn and only then do you realize that the two of you aren’t alone.

Wanda steps forward. She wraps her arms around your shoulders as she leads you away throwing a glare at the assassin.

Natasha takes a step in your direction.

“(Y/n) wait-”

She stopped by a metal arm blocking her way.

“Haven’t you done enough?” Bucky growls.

“And what do you know about what I’ve done?” She shoves him away.

“I know you hurt them! AGAIN!” he snarls, “You need to get your shit together before I’ll even THINK about letting you come anywhere NEAR (y/n) again, Romanoff.”

Her blood boils. She scoffs, “Big surprise, their guard dog immediately snaps to attention at the first sign of trouble. Tell me Barnes, does your master feed you well?”

She regrets her outburst immediately, but she’s too angry, too frustrated, too exhauseted to take it back.

“Don’t forget who trained you, Natalia,” comes out in a menacing hiss.

Frantically, Clint’s eyes snap from her to the ex-soldier advancing on her. He immediately steps between the two, placing a hand on her arm and turning towards the larger assassin.

“Whoa now, you know she didn’t mean that. Emotions are just running high right now. Let’s all take a step back. I could use a hand, Cap.”

Despite his own roiling emotions, he needs to maintain his professionalism as team captain, releasing a heavy puff of air, he moves to place a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder, pulling him to his side.

“Clint’s right. We can’t do anything to fix this right now. Everyone, disperse. We’ll regroup in the morning.” He sends a piercing glare at the redhead.

Hearing another growl, Clint whips his head back around, “As entertaining as it would be to make a compound wide betting pool with Tony on a wwe rumble between you and two tag-teaming super soldiers, maybe we should take a second to cool off outside, yeah” he hisses at her.

Gritting her teeth, she nods, allowing Clint to pull her down the hall and out the door.

As she catches a glimpse of the hall leading to your room, all she can think is one thing.

She let you slip through her fingers… again.

Tagging some incredible people who expressed an interest in pt. 2:

guys im so fucking sorry this keeps showing up in your mentions.

@natasha-danvers , @thelastavenger-3000 , @ohfuckno , @imnotasuperhero

[sylphid187]

Coming Home, Taking Flight ‐ Chapter 1: Touchdown, Japan

A look into Hinata's return to Japan, his interactions with his friends, and how he makes it into the MSBY Black Jackals.

Reposting Chap 1 in text format.

His plane lands on an early morning, the sun just about to rise, as if it's rays were greeting him and welcoming him back.

Hinata Shouyou steps into Sendai Airport with a big smile and a feeling of euphoria. After two years navigating through the sands of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Shouyou was finally home. Two grueling years of trying his best to master the sands, to stand on his own two feet, for the chance to compete with the monsters that were waiting for him here. He was finally confident enough to say that he knew how to stand on his own on the court. He no longer needed to be branded as anyone's accessory, and he's finally found a way to fight his own battles.

He was ready to show the world that Ninja Shouyou was finally home where he belongs, and the first thing he has to do to make that happen...is to head to baggage claim.

Hinata navigates the airport with ease, as he successfully locates his things, and makes sure to double check that nothing is missing. He didn't want a repeat of when his money got stolen in Rio, so he takes ample time to check that he has everything, before making his way to the arrivals bay.

It feels odd to Shouyou. The sensation of finally being home, but also the feeling of starting something new once again. Here he is back in familiar territory, and after two years of making a name for himself on the beach, he is once again a complete stranger to those in the world of professional indoor volleyball. But that's okay. Shouyou's used to not being in the spotlight, being the decoy, the odd one out. He'd just have to find a way to make sure he makes an impression on the court.

He's just exited through the arrivals gate, baggage in tow, and about to grab his phone from his pocket to send a message to his mom regarding his arrival. Suddenly, another body barrels into him and envelopes him into a big, tight hug.

"Nii-chan! Welcome Home!" Shouyou doesn't even need to look to know who it is, and he immediately hugs back. For two years he's missed this. Two years of missing his little sister's birthday, her entrance to Niiyama Girl's High School, her volleyball tryouts and her overall presence. It feels like ages since Hinata has seen Natsu, feeling as if he's already missed so much in the short two years he's been gone. The thought of missing all of her newest milestones, and of not being able to see her whenever he came home at the end of the day, just makes Shouyou tighten his hold on her.

"Natsu. I missed you." He tells her, while eagerly lifting her up with ease. She's gotten much taller, her smile still bright and her eyes still sparkling like they used to.

"I missed you too Nii-chan." Natsu pushes away a bit, still being held up by her brother, and smiles wide. "Nii-chan you got a tan!"

Shouyou grins and lets out a laugh. "And you got taller! Unfair! You're probably going to end up taller than me!" He puts her back down, waits for her feet to properly touch the floor, and ruffles her hair with his other hand, full of affection. He notes in relief that Natsu still loved the attention from her big brother. He won't mention it out loud, but he's happy that, at least, hasn't changed.

He breaks their little moment together, when he notices that Natsu is alone. "Wait, I thought mom said she couldn't come to pick me up today? Because of work?" he asks her confused, he was already ready to book a taxi to make his way home. Shouyou didn't want to burden his family knowing that his flight would arrive extremely early.

"She couldn't." Natsu says with the grin never leaving her face. "Someone else is here to pick you up Nii-chan, I just got mom's permission to tag along."

As if on cue, not one, but multiple footsteps could be heard rushing towards them. "Hinata!!" Shouyou looks up and can't help his smile from widening even more.

"Yamaguchi! Yachi! Saltyshima!" He hears Natsu laugh at this.

"Seriously? I show up here for you and that's the first thing you say to me? I should have stayed home. Tsk." Tsukishima crosses his arms but a smirk is definitely etched on his face.

"Aw don't say that Tsukki!" Shouyou grins back. How he's missed this, bantering with Tsukishima.

"Don't call me that."

"Saltyshima it is then!"

The other two Karasuno alumni then immediately rush in between the them to give Hinata each big hugs. Yachi hugs him first, complete with the tears of joy in her eyes as she revels in seeing her friend again after two years. Yamaguchi hugs him next, laughing and joking at his height and new tanned look. "I can't believe how tall you've gotten Hinata! You're not so small anymore!"

"Yama-yama! I missed you! I hope you kept Slatyshima in line while I was away." Shouyou sees Tsukishima's eyebrows raise, and he just grins. Yachi and Natsu are chatting in the sidelines, while noting how Shouyou has changed so much in two years.

"Where do you even get these nicknames." Tsukishima sighs.

"Don't worry Saltyshima! I made sure to buy a special souvenir just for you." Shouyou grins.

"Oh god." Tsukishima sighs.

He hears Yamaguchi laugh again at their playful exchange, before they each begin to help him carry some of his belongings. "Now come on you two, I know you missed each other" Yachi starts "but we have to get going now, we have to drive the Hinatas' back home!"

"Awww you guys are driving me?" Shouyou exclaims, and then his smile softens. "You guys didn't have to. I didn't want anyone to go through the trouble, really."

"We wanted to." Yachi assures him softly. "Did you really think we would let you travel all the way back home by yourself?"

"Well..."

"Besides, we had to fight Kenma-san for this chance so..." she says with a grin.

"Wait what?" Shouyou asks, confused. He looks over at Natsu to ask for answers, but she shakes her head and replies. "Don't worry about it too much Nii-chan. They were able to reach a pretty good compromise."

"Compromise for what?" he asks again, but no one seems to want to answer him.

"Don't worry about it." Yachi tells him again with a wink. "That's something for you to look forward to."

Yamaguchi grins and chooses now to butt in. "Think about it this way, Tsukki loves you enough to drive for you, Hinata."

Shouyou looks over to the side and he's pretty sure he sees Tsukishima twitch. "Awwwwww Saltyshima!! I knew you loved me!" Yachi and Natsu giggle in the background as Tsukishima lets out a huff.

"First off, Yamaguchi shut up." a small, practiced 'sorry Tsukki' could be heard in the background. "Second, I only agreed to do this because everyone else was worried you'd get lost somewhere if we left you to find your way home on your own."

"Alright Tsukki, whatever you say. Whatever gets you to sleep better at night." Shouyou grins. 

"Let's just go before I leave you here, you shrimp."

Yachi laughs as she pats Tsukishima on the back, and tells him in a singsong voice. "He's not a shrimp anymore."

Soon enough, they eventually get to moving and continue to walk and talk. Once they make it to the car, with Tsukishima driving, Yamaguchi in the passengers seat and the two females and himself at the back, Shouyou can't help but look around the scenery outside. It's finally hitting him that he's back in Japan for real.

Japan's scenery passes by them in a blur as they drive past, and Shouyou begins to ask his sister about how she's been in school. Natsu is ecstatic to tell her brother all about her volleyball games in Niiyama. "You should have seen me Nii-chan! We're going to make our way to Nationals just like you guys did!"

"We should play together some time Natsu! I can toss for you!" He exclaims in excitement. The idea of playing the sport he loved with the sister he loved made Shouyou extremely happy. Getting to share his love of the sport with Natsu was something he was very much looking forward to. 

"I can't wait to see that. Think you can toss better than the king now?" And even when he's driving, Tsukishima could still look smug through the rearview mirror.

Shouyou laughs. "I don't think so, but I've been getting some practice in, these past two years. That, and the Grand King taught me." The thrill of playing with Oikawa-san in the beaches of Brazil will never truly wear off. And Shouyou will happily boast about that fact that Argentina's very own Oikawa Tooru had been one of the people who'd taught him the basics of setting. That, and Oikawa-san's image of his face hitting the sands mid-dive, will also be forever imbedded in Shouyou's memory. 

The conversation eventually drifts away from volleyball and Shouyou begins to ask his friends how other members of their old Karasuno team have been. He briefly wonders if he'd have the time to properly visit everyone during his short stay in Miyagi before his tryouts, but knows this might be best postponed at a latter time, when he is better settled in. The last thing he would want is to rush a reunion just because he had no time available at the moment.  

"Suga-senpai is a teacher now, and Daichi-san works for the Miyagi Police Force. They're living together now, I think?." starts Yamaguchi. It's no surprise to all of them that their captain and vice-captain eventually ended up together. Even during high school, the two were already considered as the pseudo parents of the team. 

Yachi then claps her hands together before continuing "Asahi-san's new line is supposed to be out soon too! And Nishinoya-san is still travelling I think. I've seen most of his photos on social media!"

"Am I the only one surprised about Tanaka-san and Kiyoko-san?" Tsukishima states. "Is no one going to mention that?"

Shouyou can't help but laugh at that "Now you're just being mean."

"So are you telling me that it didn't surprise you when you found out?" Tsukishima looks at him from the mirror and raises an eyebrow.

"Well...." It's true that the mentioned couple was definitely one of the most surprising, but Shouyou likes to think that Kiyoko-san would definitely balance out Tanaka-senpai pretty well. 

"It definitely surprised me! Can't believe he actually did it." says Yamaguchi with a grin. 

"I can't believe she said yes."

"Tsukki!"

"Again, weren't you guys just as surprised?"

"Oh yeah, definitely." agrees Yachi with a small laugh of her own.

"I rest my case."

The drive home continues as they laugh and reminisce, and soon enough Shouyou feels himself drifting off. The tiredness suddenly overcoming him as he slowly begins to fall into slumber, and let out a yawn. He faintly hears teasing coming from Tsukishima, while Yachi and Yamaguchi are telling the latter to let him get his rest. As he continues to lose consciousness and let sleep overtake him, he feels a head rest on his shoulder and forces his eyes open for a few more minutes, only to see Natsu looking up at him.

"Welcome home Nii-chan." she tells him softly.

"Glad to be home Natsu. I missed you tons." He tells her, as he slowly reaches up, with his other arm, and pats her head. "I'm proud of you, and I hope you're ready to have me back. Because I have two years worth of memories to make up for."

Natsu smiles wide. "Of course Nii-chan. I missed you tons too. Things weren't the same without you." she leans into his side a little more before speaking again. "I can't wait to watch you play in the league." she tells him softly. Seems like Natsu was also starting to drift to sleep. Shouyou is unsure if any of the others are still talking at this point, but he figures they're probably also giving the siblings some time to catch up on their own, even if it was just for a little while. 

Shouyou chuckles. "I have to show up to tryouts and make it into a team first Natsu."

"You will. You'll make it, I know you will." Natsu says with certainty.

"If I do, you'll be the first to know, I promise." He tells her. His eyes are beginning to close now. It's feels like it's been ages since he's had a moment like this with Natsu. Shouyou wants to revel in it, just a little longer.

"You mean WHEN you do."  Natsu tells him again, firmly. "Believe in yourself more Nii-chan. You're Hinata Shouyou, and people are about to see just what you're made of."

Shouyou already knows the team he wants to be in, knows the capabilities of the players in the Black Jackal's roster, and knows the names and faces to some of those greats. Shouyou knows within himself that he is good enough, he just has to find a way to get others to see how high he can fly.

He smiles as he lets Natsu's words of encouragement and comfort wash over him. How lucky he is, Shouyou thinks, to have the best people surrounding him in this life. Natsu is right. He's trained hard to compete with the monsters of today, the last thing he has room for is self-doubt.

As Shouyou fully lets his thoughts drift, and his body give in to the lull of sleep, he feels his sister already drifting beside him with her head still on his shoulders. In the background, he thinks he hears what sounds like a camera clicking, and is sure that either Yachi or Yamaguchi has taken a photo of himself and Natsu while drifting. 'I should ask to see that photo later'

This warmth and comfort he surrounds himself with, and the excitement of the days to come are Shouyou's continuous reminders that:

It really was great, to be back home.

[visceralcoma]

First Line Game

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors! Thank you for the tag,@paracosim, this looks like fun.

So because I have a ridiculous amount of fics I work on at any given moment, i'm only going to grab the first lines of the last 20 I published and/or updated of fics longer than 500 words and some I i add more as the first lines are game lines.

Rippling the Pages (Harry Potter, OC Insert Portal Fantasy): There were three things Raz knew for a fact.

Ropes, Tangles, and Nauts (Greedfall, M/F, "Woke up Married" Vasco/De Sardet): It wasn’t often that Vasco woke in his captain’s quarters hungover.

Fit Together (Cyberpunk 2077, M/F, Johnny/V fic) :“You’re a dick, you know?” “And you're a cunt. Maybe we'll fit together after all?” Johnny smirked while lounging backwards in V’s surroundings.  It’s not like he had an actual effect on things, what with being in her head.  The only time he could do anything was when he took control of her body.  And she’d be damned if he did it while she was conscious again.

Cleanest, Least Bloody Option (Cyberpunk 2077, explores & somewhat fixes one of the darker game endings): "Cleanest, least bloody option." The words came out, like a relief, like she'd been fighting the inevitable.

Driving Mister Silverhand (Cyberpunk 2077, explores what Johnny thinks of V's driving): The first time V got into a car since Johnny woke up in their head, had been a disaster.

Try Not To Think About It (Cyberpunk 2077, Vik tries not to think about how much time V has left) : “Hey Vik....” V’s voice pulled Viktor from the screen where the replay of last night’s match was on.

Touch (Dragon Age: Inquisition, M/M, Cullen/Cole exploration of how it would start): He was sinking - suffocating.

The Savages' Union (Dragon Age: Inquisition, M/F, Inquisitor/Cullen - Avvar!Cullen AU): When she woke to a gag firmly in her mouth that was tied securely at the back of her head, she screamed.

La Gordita Frita (Cyberpunk 2077, M/F, Jackie/V exploration): Before, during, and after every three-nighter rager she’d dragged Jackie through she always craved empanadilla de papa.

Mea Culpa (Dragon Age: Inquisition, F/M/M, Portal Fantasy/MCIT OC/Felix/Clemence): When the Tevinter Magisters invaded under the guise of “talking” with the rebel mages, the servants of Redcliffe castle refused to serve them.

Losing (Cyberpunk 2077, M/F, Jackie/V exploration): "Pinche gordo pendejo." V swore up and down as she slammed her hand down on the table.

Sins Against the Wall (Dragon Age: Inquisition, M/F, Portal Fantasy/MCIT - Blackwall/OC ) : The cold harsh morning wind of the Frostbacks bit through the barn’s walls and wormed its way under the layers of pelts, furs, and blankets Blackwall slept under.

The Forging of the Iron Lady (Dragon Age: Inquisition, F/F, Vivienne exploration, Vivienne/Enchanter Lydia) : The day Vivienne arrived in the Ostwick Circle, she was but a scrap of a girl.

In the Gutters (Greedfall, M/M, Constantin/De Sardet/Kurt): Arsène stepped up to the coin tavern.

Load Baring Naut (Greedfall, M/M, Vasco, Constantin/De Sardet): "What's this? A stowaway on my ship?" Vasco eyed Simon De Sardet, who knelt before him in the captain's quarters. "Oh well we can't have that, now can we?"

Fuck with Honour (Greedfall, M/F/M, Vasco/D Sardet/Kurt): “Green Blood, you sent for-oh-uh.” Kurt stuttered as he caught sight of her sitting on the bed with one breast out of her chemise as she fed the fussing bab.

he Golden Damsel (Greedfall) : When news of Teer Fradee reached the streets for the “first” time, the natives of the island became a topic among the lower levels of the coin tavern.

No Deed Left Unpunished (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Portal Fantasy/MCIT, Cole/OC): I can’t come in unless you open. He should have said that out loud. The inky red snow crunched under the soles of his shoes with laces that didn’t listen.

Vessel (Cyberpunk 2077, M/M, Placide/V: "You are my vessel now. Through Agwe, I see what you see, hear what you hear." Placide said while his eyes glowed. There was something else he wasn't saying, something he kept back.

The Shape of Magic (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Portal Fantasy/MCIT): Red energy twisted up with a clap of thunder and the swirling red mass lifted above the city in an undulating mass.

Tagging my fav ppl and authors: @thereallonelyagain, @alyssumflowers, @chocolatecatcupcakecheese, @cass-darling, @paraparadigm, @maladaptivemischief, @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold, @goblin-tea, @red-hot-chili-tiefling, @kunstpause

[kilyra]

He Did Know Something

Chief Jim Hopper (Stranger Things) One-Shot

A/N: After getting a serious spark of inspiration from @divadinag​​ ‘s awesome gif below, this story immediately formed in my head. I guess it’s not much, but I had fun!

As a journalist who is relatively new to Hawkins, you quickly notice that things don’t add up and your frustration grows that Hopper, a good friend, is no help at all.  

Warnings: Mega spoilers for S1 and 2!!! Like all the spoilers. But that’s all…other than depictions of smoking I guess?

If you want to be on my tag list for this or any character just let me know! (All gif credit to the amazing @divadinag​​)

You should have stopped. A small part of you knew that. The back and forth wasn’t going to get you anywhere, and it was just ruining a perfectly nice and relaxing evening with a good friend.

But…it was too much. Nothing added up and the longer you sat with that fact, the deeper your agitation grew. And each time you looked over at Hopper, who was casually rambling on about some nonsense, it outright spiked.

“I see that look in your eye, Y/n and you can ask me as many times as you want, but my answer’s not gonna change. There’s nothing going on in Hawkins. It’s the same boring little town its always been.” Hopper drawled dismissively as he came back from his fridge with two cans of beer. Raising his thick eyebrows, he set one on the TV tray in front of you before lowering into his recliner.

Grabbing the beer, you took a healthy swig before you pulled your note pad from your bag. Pinching your cigarette between your lips, you flipped through the pages to check your notes while you argued. “Really? A boring little town that…that has obituaries for children who are home and fine? Apparently full funerals for them too?”

Huffing an irritated sigh through his nose, he also took a large chug from his can as he eyed up the muted television. “We’ve been over that. It was a horrible case of mistaken identity, alright?”

“Really? Then who was it? And did the body get excavated or it still in a grave for…um…a  William Byers?”

Refusing to look your direction, he pulled his cigarette off the ashtray for a quick inhale. Offering a faint shrug, his voice was softer. “I don’t…”

The words hung in the air, but you weren’t about to stop. “I mean, wouldn’t the actual parents want the chance to claim the body?”

Pausing as you were about to flip the page, you held the paper between your fingers as you looked up and waited for his reaction. He had turned back to the silent screen and grunted in a noise that sounded like he was possibly agreeing.

“And…how is that not major news? How does no one outside the city lines know about this? And on that note, why is it that when I ask anyone about it, everyone instantly clams up? I can’t get a peep out of anyone here. Small town people not oversharing? That seems perfectly normal right?”

Rubbing his fingers across his forehead, his lit cigarette traced smoke circles with the motion. When he looked at you, every bit of wariness he seemed to feel was etched across his face. “Go figure that something so tragic doesn’t leave everyone chatty.”

“Except, normally, it does. People fall over themselves to talk about horrible shit like that. But not here. Guess maybe that’s because of the…what was it…Oh right, the toxin leak? Right? The Department of Energy has some crazy chemicals that just make people go quiet?” Sharply, you tapped your finger on your notepad as you found each point to throw at him.

Pressing his thumb to his temple as the smoke danced up towards the ceiling, he didn’t even dignify that with a response.

After glancing at the rest of your notes, you snapped the pad closed. “I mean, other than when those toxins kill people, of course. One mystery kid died just as another was killed by DoE, and that was before the big…rather vague…incident that killed a lot more people before the lab was shut down. I mea-”

“Is this seriously why you came over tonight? Just to grill me about all this shit? Get me in the comfort of my own home, have a few beers and what? Hope I lower my guard or something?” Shaking his head slightly as he drew his shoulders up, he asked everything as much with his body as with his words.

“No…but I-”

“Because my answers are going to be the same as they were at my office,” he added, his gruff voice slightly raised.

Tossing the notepad into your bag, you let out a long sigh. “What answers were those?”

You mumbled your reply, but Hopper’s eyebrow shot up as his hand tightened around his beer can. “There something you want to say to me? Because Magnum is on in ten minutes, so you may as well get it out now.”

As he stiffly held his drink, it suddenly dawned on you how tense he was. And how quickly that tension descended on him as soon as you started nudging the conversation towards the oddities of Hawkins.

Frowning, you forced your stare away from his hand and let it drift over the muddy-coloured rug covering the hardwood. Taking another drag, you plucked the cigarette from your mouth to rest between your knuckles as you exhaled the smoke through your nose. It wasn’t even helping to calm the rising feeling of dread. “Look, Hop, I’m not trying to get you drunk and trick you. Hell. I don’t even know if there’s a publishable story here.”

When you risked a glance back at him, you saw the same intense stare as before while he continued to study you. “But?”

“But…you haven’t actually answered a question. Not really. You spit out common facts that everyone knows – the same things everyone else says. And if I press anything, you just start answering with questions of your own.”

“That so?” His eyes seemed to harden as he kept his focus squarely on you as though he were challenging you to finish your thought.

The awkward silence hanging in the air didn’t seem to leave you much choice. “It’s just…it just seems a little suspect is all.”

“Suspect? And what is it you’re suspecting me of?” Although his voice was calm, you didn’t miss the subtle flare of his nostrils.

Your mouth ran dry and you took another sip. But it didn’t help.

Leaning forward in his chair, Hopper narrowed his eyes. “Did you ever think I keep trying to steer you away from that line of questioning for your own good?”

As you snapped your gaze up to meet his, your heart raced. Firmly holding your attention with his unyielding stare, his hand squeezed tightly around the beer can. He couldn’t have just threatened you but you were too stunned to clarify.

“You say everyone enjoys piling onto a bad situation, but it was bad. Really bad. For some, it hasn’t exactly ended and they don’t take kindly to people trying to poke around in that. It’s not safe.“ The crunch of the crumpling aluminum in his hand finished his point.

Safe?

That was the first time safety was ever a concern. It broke your silence.

“What do you mean safe, Hop?”

Blinking, he straightened and loosened his death grip on the beer can. “Your…career. You want to be a journalist and dig into everything. But that’s going to crumble if you turn the town against you.”

“Are you part of this?” The words dropped out of your mouth before they took a second to pass by your brain first.

“No.”

His reply came equally as fast, and that said it all. As you both stared at each other with slightly widened eyes, a cold, numb curtain dropped over the sick feeling in your stomach.

Hopper had become a close friend after helping you through some difficult times when you first moved to Hawkins. And it was impossible to deny your attraction to him, even if you wouldn’t act on it. But even with all of that, as you tried to process what he just admitted to, you had to leave.

Hopper’s eyebrows furrowed deeply as his faint alarm turned to disgust. “I’m not part of anything because there’s nothing to be part of!”

Roughly butting out your cigarette, you turned enough in your seat to stand up without knocking over the TV tray. Shooting him one last glare, you scooped up your bag and stormed towards the door.

As you passed his chair, his hand shot out and grabbed yours. His chilled fingers wrapped around your hand, lightly digging into your palm. A jolt rushed through you at the contact as heat rushed to your cheeks. Refusing to look at him, you pulled away and kept walking.

From behind, you heard the loud clatter of the metal tray as he shoved it out of the way. “Wait, where are you going?”

“I…I don’t know. But I know I’m not going to find any answers here. Maybe someone missed cleaning up something at what’s left of the lab? I…I don’t kn-”

With surprising agility, he stepped past you, stopping in front of the door. Facing his palms out, he blocked your way without grabbing you. “You can’t just go breaking into the abandoned lab. It’s not…safe.”

“Give me a break, I can handle a bit of broken glass.”

Stepping forward, you moved to pass him when he lurched back and pressed himself against the door. His eyes held yours with the same heated look they had all night.

More insulted than worried, you immediately tried to push him out of the way. Staring down at you, he refused to move. His tongue subtly ran over his lips as his gaze briefly darted down to your mouth.

“Could you just, for once, trust that I might actually know what I’m talking about, Y/n? You can’t go there.”

Pausing, with your hands still resting on his chest, you glared as your insult fanned into anger. “You’re going to literally stand between me and my story?”

The muscles along his cheek rippled as he clenched his jaw. He raised his hands, hovering them on either side of your face with his fingers flexing into fists as he spoke through grit teeth. “I don’t give a shit about your story.”

Balling your own hands, you caught the fabric of his shirt between your fingers as you uselessly shoved at him. “Then what?!”

Gritting his teeth harder, his lip curled up as he let out a soft growl. Relaxing his hands, they suddenly cupped your face as his mouth crashed against yours. The scent of smoke wrapped around you and you could taste the stale beer on his lips. His rough fingertips trailed gently down your neck, dropping against your back to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss. You didn’t fight it. Hell, you welcomed it as your hands snaked up to his shoulders, grabbing new handfuls of fabric.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours and took a steadying breath. “I know I can’t stop you, but please, not like this. I’ll go with you tomorrow when we’ve got our heads on straight, okay?”

As you let out a soft exhale, you felt his shoulders relax slightly under your fingers. The heat from his hands melted into your skin as you noticed how tightly he was holding you, like he was scared to let go.

Scared.

It was in that moment when you realized what you had been seeing in his eyes all night. It wasn’t tension, it wasn’t anger…it was fear.

He did know something, and he was afraid for you.

Nodding against his forehead, you caved. You wanted answers, but you trusted Hopper more…and if he was worried, it was bad.

“Okay.”

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries​​  @flower-two​​  @getlostinyourparadise​​   @selfishkiddo​​  @angelicshinigami​​  @pansmexualparker​​   @givemeabite​​

[brianc521]

Mendes Recording Co. | Mutual

Shawn was overwhelmed. Simple as that, he was the definition of overwhelmed.

Opening the studio and striking the grace of gods with meeting Niall and his band was the greatest thing that could have happened. But it was very obvious that he wasn’t ready to record a band yet. He only had the two microphones, and the piano was the only instrument he had on hand, not to mention the only one amp.

So because of the fast need to record, and the un-readiness of the business Shawn resulted and relied on taking out yet another loan so he could afford to get the necessary equipment to be a successful studio.

And being that he took out the loan almost a month ago, the band recorded their first song ‘Slow Hands’ and are already preparing for a second, to complete a front and back for a single record, he thought it was a good idea, knowing that the boys were gonna be his first sale and that he was gonna see the money again.

That was until he came back to the studio after his lunch break to a seething Y/n, who was not happy to see him at all.

“Sit down,” She points to the chair in front of her desk.

She pulls her blazer closer around her body as she straightens in her office chair, clearing her throat as she pushes her keyboard out of her way.

Shawn looks to the booth, knowing that he had a session with Niall, alone, today.

“I sent him off for a few, we need to have a chat.”

“Why would you send him off? We need the time!”

“Yeah well you need to sit down and have a chat, partner,” She spits.

Shawn rolls his eyes, taking a seat dramatically. “Okay, what?”

“Were you gonna tell me you took another loan out on the business account?”

Shawn gulps, eyes wide as he pales.

“How’d you know about that?”

“Well I received an interesting email the other day, and I brushed it off thinking it was a scam because you wouldn’t do that without telling me first.”

Shawn breaks a little on the inside because he can hear the hurt in her voice, and see the anger in her eyes.

“But, right as Niall arrived might I add, a lovely, angry, bill collector burst through the door looking for one of two people. Shawn Mendes, or Y/n L/n.”

Shawn’s eyes widen, jaw clenching at the thought of someone demanding something from her.

“Claiming that we pay him today, or he’d shut the doors until we did.”

“He what-” Shawn starts, stopping when she raised her hand.

“And now see, I knew you needed the time with Niall, and thought surely this had to of been a mistake because I paid the bills this month, but when he showed the paperwork-”

“Okay, I get it,” Shawn shakes his head, this time raising his hand to stop her.

“No I don’t think you do,” She raises her voice a little. “Because, since I already paid the bills and we haven’t made any money, we didn’t have enough to pay.”

Shawn looks at her with a dead look in his eyes. “What does that mean? Are they closing the do-” He starts, panicking.

“No,” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We’re officially partners,”

“I’m confused,” Shawn narrows his eyes.

“I paid the bill,” She looks up at him. “With my personal money, I paid the bill.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Shawn grumps, standing now.

He’s mad. Mad at himself, that he didn’t tell her and put her in a position where she had to pay for his mistake, personally.

“Shawn,” She says softly. He looks over, face softening for just a second. “What happened to ‘we’re in this together’? I wouldn’t have judged or said anything for having to take out another loan. You just have to tell me so I can prepare for it.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit,” Shawn seethes, suddenly furious at the thought of being parented in his own business.

Y/n gasps, appalled by what he’s just said to her.

“Well guess what,” She stands, hands on her hips as she raises her voice to his level. “Now you do! We’re partners now, whether you like it or not-”

“NOT!” Shawn yells. “NOT!” His face red at being told what to do. “I don’t like it. This is my dream. This is my business. That is my last name on the goddamn sign out front. So no, I don’t like someone trying to tell me how to run it. Or ordering me around in my company.”

Y/n’s heart drops to her stomach. Shawn has never said anything like that to her. Never, has he ever made any indication that he was unhappy with her here. They’ve been doing this for over two months now. She thought they were now starting to find their equivalence with each other.

She’s tried so hard not to involve herself in things that she’s not meant for. She is only his assistant after all. He’s the one who’s been dragging her into recordings, requests for her to be apart of team meetings with the band, and to be the head of communications with other radio stations and record manufacturers.

“Well,” She clears her throat, swallowing thickly to keep her tears at bay. “Once you pay me back you won’t have to worry about me stepping on your toes.” She says placing a few items from her desk into her purse.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shawn asks, suddenly snapping out of his dazed anger.

“I’ll leave, since you’re unhappy with my employment here,”

“That’s not what I mea-”

“Oh Shawn, you’re here now.” Niall interrupts, becoming the target to Shawn’s glare, as he walks in the door.

“Give us a sec Niall,” Shawn mutters.

“Oh sorr-”

“It’s okay, actually we just finished with our conversation. Have a nice session, I hope to see you soon.” She smiles, picking up her purse and heading for the door, passing a confused Niall and upset Shawn on her way.

“Y/n,” Shawn moves closer, bumping Niall in his attempt to stop her.

“You’re leaving?” Niall caught her arm. While Shawn didn’t like the fact that he was touching her he was thankful that Niall stopped her.

“Yeah, not feeling the greatest so I’m headed home.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I was hoping to get your opinion on a new song, but next time. Feel better Love.”

Shawn sighed as she nodded, tight lipped smile on her face as she walked out.

**

He was restless through the session with Niall, they both were right, they needed the time with him alone. Shawn wanted to know who Niall was without the band, and what he could do on his own, and it was incredible.

All he could think about is what she would think, and how she might tweak some things. She always claimed that she had no idea what she was doing, but honestly all of her ideas were amazing and incredible, she was a natural and Shawn missed that by his side through this session.

Niall had just left and Shawn was sulking, sitting at her desk with his head in his hands going over all the ways he fucked up.

He doesn’t know why he hadn’t told her, embarrassment? Maybe?

And the words she said to him, how insignificant he made her feel, and now knowing he had that power over her was terrifying. It made him wonder if Y/n felt the same he did, because she could break his world if she wanted too, and at the moment she kind of was.

His head whipped up when the door to the studio opened, he had locked up when Niall left, not wanting someone to come in when he was in this much disarray.

She sighed, flipping the light on, yelping when she saw Shawn in her chair. His eyes held a hopeful gleam, behind the puffy and redness they showcased.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, breathless from the scare.

“Um,” He croaks. “I feel like I should be asking you that.”

“Just wanted to get a few of my things,” She hums.

“Please don’t,” He shakes his head. He’s ready to beg, plead, and grovel at her feet. “Please, I need you.”

“No Shawn, you don’t. With what you said earlier, it cast a light on how this was really going. I was fooled, thinking that this was working, that we were actually doing this. But if I am truly making you feel like I’m impeding on your dream, then you don’t deserve that.”

“Stop, please,” Shawn shushes her, standing up and taking her hands. “What I said isn’t true, and it was so awful of me to even have the thought in my head. You don’t impede on my dream, quite honestly you’re making it come true. And you weren’t fooled, we are working, everything is working. I’m so sorry about not telling you about the loan, I guess I was just embarrassed to have had to take out another one.”

“I would’ve understood. I do actually realize that you have to spend money to make money in this industry. If you would have just told me then I would have been prepared to set more aside for bills. You can’t keep things like that to yourself, not when my name’s on it too.”

“And that wasn’t okay, I should have never put your name down without speaking to you about it first, I truly apologize for that. To be honest with you, I hoped that at this moment in time that we might actually be somewhere with Niall. With the success of ‘Slow Hands’ in the studio I expected to be looking at some money already. I guess I lost track of time and didn’t think much of the new loan so soon.”

“I think,” She clears her throat. “I think we need to establish our roles here.”

“You’re staying?” Shawn looks up with a bright smile.

“Did you really think you were getting rid of me that easily?”

“I hoped not!” He cheers, picking her up and spinning her around, smiling at the soft giggles that escape her throat. He set her down, hands still on her sides as he acknowledges her last statement. “I think establishing some things is a good idea, but maybe can we go somewhere else and do so?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we spend too much time in this room, in this building, can we go to dinner and talk about it then?”

“A business dinner,” She raises an eyebrow at him, almost as if correcting time.

“Sure,” He grins.

** Tags: @minniemcgoo \\ @softboyshawn \\ @lettherosesgrow \\ @shawnsassymendes 

[wheredreamerscometodie]

Touch-Up

Tom Holland x Y/N Hairstylist 

Tags: Fluff? Cringe? Horrible writing? 

like idk 1240 words?

I had an idea, I wanted it to be written. I’m impatient. So here ya go! 

You checked your phone for the 20th time that morning. 6:48am. He should be getting in soon. You were on the set of a super secret movie project that everyone was sworn to keep secret (cough marvel cough). As you go to check the time again, biting the nail on your thumb until the skin begins to flake, you hear the trailer door swing open. In walks Tom, followed by Harrison. Tom takes a seat in your chair and continues his conversation with Harrison as the blonde finds his way to the couch on the opposite side of the trailer.

               “G’morning, love. Hope you weren’t waiting long,” Tom says, turning towards you. You smile and wave your hand to assure him you hadn’t – even if you had been on set since 6am. “Good morning, Tom. Harrison. Are you ready to get started?” You move to stand in front of Tom, reaching for the combs and water spray bottle on your workstation.

               “Only if you promise to make me as gorgeous as you,” Tom replies, the same line he’s used since the first few weeks of filming. Little by little, with each early morning, spent together in that trailer taming his curly locks and touching up blemishes, you two had grown quite comfortable around one another. You scoff playfully at his comment and sprits his hair with some water until it’s slightly damp. Harrison is on the phone, and Tom reaches for his own, scrolling through various apps and messages. You reach your hand up to his scalp, running your fingers through his slicked back hair, breaking up the combed back do.

               “I don’t know how you manage all this fluff without me,” you joke, taking the brush back through his hair. Tom takes a sharp breath in, and laughs, staring up at you.

               “It’s quite the hassle, honestly. You take such good care of me,” His eyes are locked on yours, and you can feel the heated blush against your neck and ears. He smiles once more, going back to the screen in his lap.

               “I’m gonna need you to look straight ahead for a bit, okay?” you say, placing your index finger under his chin, pulling his eyes back up to yours. You feel him shudder – or maybe it was you. Either way, the tiniest shock wave moved through you are Tom slipped his phone into his pocket without breaking eye contact.

               You move to stand behind the chair, trying to focus on getting his hair to cooperate. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Tom stealing glances at you in the mirror, his own blush sneaking up the back of his neck.

               “Tom?” you chime, snapping him out of his trance. “Hm?” He mumbles. “Pass me the moulding gel, please?” He leans forward in the chair, picking up the jar on the counter and handing it back to you. Opening the cap and taking a small amount into your fingers, you rub it into your palm and rake your fingers through his hair softly. His eyes flutter closed, as he leans back into your hands.

               “Enjoying yourself?” You speak softly, as he hums in response. You continue shaping his hair, running your hands down the nape of his neck and around his ears. You can see the goosebumps on his arms and shoulders, as he clears his throat and sits up straighter in the chair, readjusting himself. Your heart is fluttering a mile a minute as you try to focus on your job, and not on the golden-brown eyes burning through your reflection in the mirror once again.

               As you’re finishing up, “getting him ready to be sent off to makeup, Harrison pipes up next to you. “Lovely as always, Y/N. Unfortunately ,there’s nothing you can do about this div’s face” he gestures to Tom, who gives him a smile and a laugh in return. You grin and chuckle, brushing off Tom’s shoulders and neck before he stands.

               “Aye, mate, give me a second, a’right? I have to ask Y/N a question about next week’s schedule” Tom says to Harrison, who looks up from his phone, smirks and nods before leaving the trailer. Unfazed, you turn back to Tom, pausing your clean up and getting ready for the next actor to come in.

               “What’s up, Tom?” you ask, as he steps closer to you. You can tell he’s nervous, because he’s clenching his jaw through a closed-mouth smile. “Is something wrong?”

               “Not at all, love. Quite the opposite, actually. Uh--” he looks off to your side, his hand on the back of his neck. “I actually wanted to know if you’d like to go out sometime?” he says suddenly.

               You stare back at him in shock, blinking more than you should. “Uh, um, well” You start to say, as his eyes bulge out and he stutters his words.

               “Oh god, I’m such a doofus. I never even considered that you might have a boyfriend – I mean, I considered it because a girl as gorgeous as you for sure has a boyfriend – or a girlfriend? I mean, not that you need a boyfriend – or girlfriend – or anyone, but like you could definitely have one if you tried – that’s not what I mea- I just mean that like you could totall--” he rambles on and on, looking more and more nervous and confused at the fact that he hasn’t stopped talking yet.

               Your shock quickly fades, as you begin to smile, and eventually ,you’re busting your gut laughing. “Tom! I don’t have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. And I’d love to go out with you sometime. But It’s just… we… I had to sign a contract stating that I would not be involved with any members of the cast or crew during filming period” you’re blushing harder now, tucking your hair behind your ear.

               No it’s Tom’s turn to be shocked. He clearly did not have the same contract. Or rather, he skimmed over that part out of the sheer excitement of signing with Marvel. “Oh… I didn’t know that” he mumbles, about to run his fingers through his hair.

               “Don’t touch!” you catch his arm, pulling him closer to you inadvertently. You both hold your breath,  as you are now mere inches apart. His eyes melt into yours, as the hand not still trapped in your grasp reaches down to your hip, holding you in place.

               “oh, fuck it” you whisper, raspy and urgent as his lips meet yours. Your hands are now roaming his biceps, feeling his chest as his own explore your hips and waist, dipping down ever so carefully to graze over your ass, not confident enough to grab at it. You feel yourself wanting to moan, and you immediately pull away. Both of you stand apart, catching your breath. You notice that his hair is out of place, as you wipe your lips.

               You walk passed him towards the door, poke your head out and tap Harrison on the shoulder. “We’re just gonna touch up something and he’ll be right out”, you say. He smirks back at you. “Seems like you’ve already done some touching there, darlin”, raising an eyebrow at your puffs lower lip.

               Eyes wide and blushing, you slam the door and turn back towards Tom, who’s now sitting back in the chair, his legs spread and a smug grin on his face. “Now, where were we, sweetheart?”

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Sterek fics with fratboy!derek? I love that trope

AND

Anonymous said:Sterek fics with fratboy!stiles, or ones where he wears a hat backwards?

Oh me too! And frat!derek and frat!stiles tags. - Anastasia

Game Plan by marguerite_26

(1/1 I 1,422 I Explicit)

"The rules," Danny says, waving a wad of cash in one hand, a tape measure in the other. "First years -- Scott, Stiles, Jackson -- vs upper years -- Isaac, Boyd, Derek. Cumulative length."

Derek rolls his eyes. Boyd's going to owe him for this. "Hard?"

"Hard as you can make it, big boy," Stiles says, then he fucking winks.

Battle of the Bros by damnfancyscotch

(1/1 I 2,044 I Teen)

The Alpha Tau house and the Beta Sigma house have been rivals since before Stiles was born.

-----

Or, a Frat AU with a prank war and cute boys.

the beat goes (on and on) by dansunedisco

(1/1 I 2,096 I Explicit)

Stiles takes a sip of his beer and scans the crowd. It’s wild tonight, but that’s nothing new for Alpha Delt. Jackson’s on DJ duty, which explains the shitty dubstep blasting through the speakers. Writhing, drunk bodies are packed in every corner, and the scent of weed hangs heavy in the stale air. He takes a sniff and sighs, disappointed. He was offered to take a hit off one of the many blunts making the rounds tonight, but he declined. All because Derek likes him to be (mostly) sober when they fuck, doesn’t like to mess around with consent on either end.

Not that Derek’s shown any interest in him tonight. Whatever.

Dinomite by drunktuesdays

(1/1 I 2,278 I Explicit)

(303): apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him…

(303): …it didn’t…

Your First by Simone (fvckyourfandoms)

(1/1 I 7,278 I Explicit)

It's Stiles freshman year of college and he decides to rush a fraternity. He becomes Vice President Derek Hale's favorite pledge and they end up much closer than expected.

or

A story in which Derek can't keep his hands off of Stiles' sweet, irresistible, virgin ass and fails at not feeling him up.

Alpha Beta Omega by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

(1/1 I 8,527 I Teen)

“So, we’re graduating this year. Crazy. It’s been a great four years.”

“Some moments definitely better than others,” Stiles muttered under his breath. “Like the times you actually left me alone.”

“And I get that. I do. Mea culpa. But I was thinking—”

“No.”

“I haven’t even said anything yet,” Derek insisted.

“Still no.”

Bid on Me by xKookiesandCreamx

(1/1 I 9,471 I Explicit)

"Don't celebrate yet. I'm only bidding on him if no one else does. Which will never happen because everyone wants him." Derek said, smirk turning triumphant at Erica's exasperated expression.

"Oh come on Der-" Erica started to whine, but quickly cut herself off when the auctioneer (Derek was pretty sure he was the frat's president) called out "And one of our last auctions of the day, Stiles Stilinski!"

Derek's heart dropped to his stomach in anticipation, waiting for the moment where some hot busty blonde or some Calvin Klein model guy bid on Stiles and won.

Except. It never happened.

"Shit Der, are you magic or something? Does everything you predict turn out to be wrong? Quick, say 'Erica will not suddenly be handed a million dollars' out loud for me". Derek rolled his eyes and waved Erica off, watching as the auctioneer listed off qualities of Stiles, dropping the starting bid from $50 to $30 to $25, all the way down to $5.

Derek was drowning in secondhand embarrassment. And judging by Stiles's badly concealed hurt expression and pink cheeks, he was suffering from a whole lot of first hand embarrassment.

Oblivious Misadventures, and Other Such Tales by Little Spoon (JaydenNara)

(6/6 I 11,240 I Mature)

Going to college was exciting and new, a chance for new friends and a fresh start, and the best part was, there was a supernatural fraternity on campus, meaning Scott finally had the freedom to be himself.

Then he met the resident human who came with a stalker alpha. What was the point of a supernatural fraternity if he still had to pretend to be human. And seriously, did Stiles ever fall asleep somewhere normal?

--

(aka - Five TImes Scott Found Derek and Stiles Sleeping, and the One Time He Didn't)

Initiation Rites by asilentstreet

(1/1 I 13,942 I Explicit)

The new Alpha Delta Chi pledge class is a bunch of worthless idiots.

Or

Derek gets suckered into staring in frat-porn not once, but twice.

Intervention: Stop Stiles and Derek from actually ruining our lives by LittleDropsOfImagination

(5/? I 16,929 I Mature)

Stiles and Derek have been at each others throats since the moment they met, but one prank too many lands them in trouble. The frat is sick and tired of getting caught in the crossfire of their petty prank war and decide an intervention is in order.The order is clear. Get on as roommates or get out of Alpha Kappa. No more second chances, no compromise.No chance.

Not Your Typical College Romance... by EvanesDust

(7/7 I 17,929 I Explicit)

“Do you wanna go inside? I can give you a tour of the house. I know you said you weren’t looking to join a frat but sometimes that’s a selling feature.” Stiles’ face falls slightly at the idea that Derek is just trying to recruit him, but he mentally slaps himself for thinking that. As shitty as it would be, he could just say no and walk away. Either they’d be friends after that, or they wouldn’t.

There is a Brotherhood by minusoneday

(3/3 I 21,004 I Explicit)

So far, college has taught Stiles three things:

1) Eight am classes are cruel and unusual and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means having to enroll in something truly hideous instead, like Econ 101.

2) Dorm security is just as tight as Stiles’ orientation leader had promised it would be, and the dude guarding Scott’s dorm in particular does not respond well to bribes.

3) Mrs. McCall clearly had no clue what she was talking about when she’d insisted that Scott and Stiles needed to branch out and room with strangers, so it’s all her fault that Scott ended up with a total dick of a roommate and Stiles got stuck all the way across campus with some guy who has a girlfriend two towns over and is thus never around.

Or, the one where pledge brothers Stiles and Scott start a prank war with Derek Hale's fraternity.

No Homo by orphan_account

(12/12 I 84,092 I Explicit)

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this:3 FourLokos+ 1 peer-pressuring cat- 1 best bro to end all best bros= 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic".Derek is the fool who replies.

[lyricalbowties]

Somebody That I Used To Know..pt. 1 || SelfPara-Anderbros

Tagging→  Blaine Anderson, Cooper Anderson, (mentions of Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel) Where→  Blaine’s apartment When→ 1/10/20 Warnings&Notes→  no warnings. I am doing this in two parts because originally this was going to be right after Christmas and another one was going to come after New Years but, spoiler, I never got around to it so I thought I would combine it and since it will be long I split it. Part 2 will be posted Sunday or Monday when I get back from Ohayocon. :) 

“Hey Coop.” Blaine reluctantly opened the door to his apartment, allowing his brother inside. He would rather have met somewhere in public, like they normally did, but Cooper insisted that they meet here. It was a notably small apartment compared to the one Cooper had back in New York. Or, at least, Blaine assumed it was. He had never been to visit.

            “Squirt!” Cooper beamed and instantly his arms swallowed Blaine in a hug. He stumbled back a little, caught off guard. “Good to see you!”

            “Is it?” Blaine seriously doubted Cooper was genuinely happy to see him. He also doubted that Cooper was here just for him. There was always a hidden selfish agenda that typically came to light about halfway through their time spent together. Blaine pushed his way out of the hug. He smoothed his sweater and made sure his hair had not been mussed out of place.

            “This is your place?” Cooper obviously chose to ignore the comment by Blaine. He stepped inside further and glanced around. “Modest. I like it.”  

            “No you don’t” Blaine replied, shutting the door.

            “No, no I really do. It suits you. Your room back home was never as outlandish like the rest of the house.” Cooper unzipped his coat and hung it on the coatrack by the door, his eyes scanning over the place in almost wonder. Blaine watched him carefully, unsure about his brother’s seemingly unusual behavior.

            “Yeah.” Blaine said slowly. “Did you uhh, want anything to drink? I could make coffee or something.”

            Cooper spun around, a wide grin on his face. “Yes! I would kill for some coffee right now. You don’t happen to have an espresso machine, do you?”

            Blaine blinked and with a deadpan expression held up small plastic cup, “I have K-cups. Do you want hazelnut or French roast?”

            “French roast is fine.”

            Blaine turned and pulled out two mugs. It was silent between them and all Blaine could think about was Thanksgiving. He felt a bit of anger flare in him but pushed it down.

            “Missed you at Christmas.” Cooper finally spoke after what felt like hours of silence. “It wasn’t the same without you, you know.”

            Blaine rolled his eyes, back turned to his brother. “I’m sure you all missed me very much.” He removed one of the mug and lifted the handle to place the second K-cup in. “You mean that mom and dad had no one there to guilt trip.”

            “That’s not what I mea-“

            “Just like at Thanksgiving.” Blaine continued.

            “Blaine, about th-“

            “I’ve always been the easy target because I’m not y—”

            “Would you shut up for two seconds?” Cooper interrupted this time, raising his voice just enough to get Blaine’s attention. After Blaine said nothing in response, Cooper went on. “I’m sorry for what happened at Thanksgiving.”

            “Sure.”

            “Stop it, I am.” Cooper’s voice held more of an edge now.

            Blaine glanced back over his shoulder, working on making his coffee to his liking. “Don’t try and defend them either.”

            “I’m not.”

            “You didn’t even say anything or speak up.” Blaine whipped around and stared hard at his brother who now stood across from the kitchen and in the living room. “That makes you just as bad as them!”

            Cooper sighed, and there was a look in his eyes that Blaine hadn’t really seen before. Guilt, regret even? “I know. I’m sorry. But they were wrong. You’re really talented Blaine, and I’m sorry I never really paid attention all of these years. I think it’s really great that you want to help people with music. I mean it, I’m sorry I should have said something instead of let them talk about you like that.”

            Blaine didn’t know how to properly react to these things his brother was saying. He was speechless. This wasn’t how he knew Cooper to be. He was an arrogant, selfish asshole who only saw to benefit for himself. But Blaine couldn’t think what Cooper would get out of this. Not to mention his brother wasn’t this good of an actor so it couldn’t be an act. Blaine had to believe that his brother was standing here legitimately apologizing and owning up for something he had done wrong.

            “Thanks..” Blaine said slowly, still unsure about this side of Cooper he never really saw.

            He remembered the phone conversation after his first showcase last semester, and how he felt after Cooper praised him then. Genuinely praised him for his talents. He swallowed thickly trying his best to keep his emotions in check. He turned, picked up the two mugs and walked it over to Cooper.

            “Welcome, Squirt.” Cooper winked, accepting the coffee and taking a seat on the couch. “Oh, nice flowers. Rachel get them for you?”

            Blaine about choked on his coffee. The flowers Cooper was referring to were the arrangement on his coffee table, which were consistently replaced by Kurt every time they started to wilt and die. Right now, a fresh bouquet with handful flowers but most notable were the white hydrangea and the lilies. It was a really beautiful bouquet and Blaine would be sad to see this one replaced.

            “Oh, uhm no.” It dawned on Blaine that he never told Cooper or his family that he was no longer with Rachel. “Uh.” He cleared his throat and figured he might as well tell Cooper here and now. “Rachel and I broke up. About a month and a half ago.”

            Cooper arched a brow. He sipped his coffee thoughtfully. “After Thanksgiving?”

            “Before..” Blaine glanced up and gave a little shrug. “It just didn’t work out. And I didn’t want to tell anyone at Thanksgiving the real reason Rachel wasn’t there.”

            His brother nodded and leaned over to the set the mug down. He looked back at his brother and looked him up and down.

            “I’m so sorry Blaine.” He said patting Blaine on the shoulder, frowning. “I really liked her.”

            “You liked that she was a fan.” Blaine said with a scoff.

            “No! I mean, yeah.” The smile was right back on Cooper’s face. “Yeah, that was nice. You know, I love meeting the fans and getting to talk about m-”

            “To talk about you?” Blaine quipped. “Or the book you didn’t write?”

            “About my work. You know, the show.”  Cooper’s brow arched upward.

            “Mmm, sure Coop.” Blaine smirked.

            Cooper sighed and took another sip from his coffee, calmly looking over to Blaine. “It’s a shame you two kids didn’t work out. You seemed perfect for each other. I mean, you’re both talented. Love musical theatre. You should have been thee theatre couple.”

            Blaine lowered his gaze. “Yeah. Everyone says that. I don’t know Cooper, sometimes these things don’t work out. And with Rach and I well, we decided we’re better off friends.”

            There was a pause and silence again between them as Cooper leaned forward and set his mug down again. “Right. Who bought you those flowers?”

            When Blaine looked back up and over to his brother, Cooper was still staring at him with a neutral expression. He could feel himself start to sweat, a small amount of panic building up. Why was Cooper so interested in flowers?

            “Uhm, I did. I thought they would look nice in here, why do you assume someone else got them for me?”

            Cooper took a deep breath, “Because, I’ve seen a bouquet like that. I’ve boughten a bouquet like that, and it wasn’t for me or my apartment. It was for a girl I was dating.”

            Blaine’s face felt hot now and there were beads of sweat collecting on his brow. “What? That…that doesn’t mean anything. I happen to like these flowers an—”

            “Because someone got them for you.”

            “No!” Blaine snapped, his panic now turning to anger.

            Cooper exhaled and looked from the flowers to Blaine. “Hey, baby bro it’s alright. Calm down no need to get upset. Things didn’t work out with Rachel. I understand. And okay, fine, you bought them for yourself.”

            Blaine glared at Cooper his chest rising and falling as he did his best to stay calm and not throw his brother out for asking questions Blaine did not want to answer. “Yeah? Good.”

            A pause.

            “Except you didn’t.” Cooper’s mouth turned up in a smirk.

            “Cooper!”

            “Come on, tell me who is he?”

            And the pronoun used by Cooper in that sentence did not register with Blaine immediately. His knee jerk reaction to Cooper prying was to tell him off and without thinking he replied, “It doesn’t matter who he is because-“

            He stopped and stared wide eyed at his brother. Cooper stared back, with a proud knowing smirk. And Blaine stammered, thinking he could try and correct himself but it only made the smirk on Cooper’s face spread. He was caught. There wasn’t a way to come back from that especially with how much Blaine was turning red and tripping over his words.

            Cooper knew.

[littlemarvelfics]

Simple

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: about 1,600

Warnings: none

A/N: Hello hello! This is my entry for @sweetboybucky ’s 1K challenge! My prompt was “It’s not that simple”. Thanks for letting me participate! The Romanian is from google translate/the internet in general and I’m so sorry if I messed it up. As always y’all can send in requests (for tags or fics) here and you can find my masterlist here. (GIF is mine and recycled from another story)

You took a deep breath and ran your fingers over the delicate lace bodice of your dress. You took another look in the mirror and smiled. Even you had to admit you looked beautiful. Your hair and makeup were done naturally to complement the simple nature of the wedding dress you had chosen. You could hear the people chatting as they filled the aisles of the wedding venue. Your best friend Melissa handed you a glass of champagne.

“How ya holding up kiddo?” she asked.

“I’m holding,” you replied with a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

“There’s still time to back out you know. Especially if your mind is wandering to a certain blue-eyed beauty…”

“Stop Mel. Eric is a good guy and he wants to marry me. He’s sweet and stable. Thinking about you know who won’t do me any good.”

“In that whole shpeal I didn’t hear you deny it,” she replied, smirking.

“I thought it would go without saying that I love the man I’m about to marry,” you hissed.

“Mmhmm. Well, I’m gonna go check on things. Are you going to be okay here all by your lonesome?”

“Of course I am. I’ll see you in a bit.”

As soon as Melissa left, you were alone with your thoughts once again. The truth was, ever since Eric had proposed, you couldn't stop thinking about James. Throughout the months of cake tasting, venue research, invitation mailing and everything else that went into wedding planning, your thoughts had drifted to James. Even when Eric proposed you thought of James and how he had been the one to propose first. Now your mind was drifting to when you and James had met.

Before parking yourself behind a desk for the next part of your life, you decided to travel. You landed on Romania as a destination, at least for a while. You were fully ready to go wherever the next year took you. The day after you arrived in Romania, you were at a street market when you and a man reached for the same plumb.

“Poți avea asta,” (You can have that one) he said with a chuckle.

“Nu, e al tău,” (No, it’s yours) you replied, stumbling over your Romanian.

“Ești nou aici?” (Are you new here?) he asked.

“Da, este evident?” (Yes, is it obvious?)

“Puțin, dar nu ești atât de rău,” (A little, but you’re not that bad.) he said with a smile.

“Mulțumesc,” (Thank you.) you said, feeling your face heat up with embarrassment.

“Ar fi mai ușor acest lucru în limba engleză?” (Would this be easier in English?)

“Much,” you replied in English.

“I’m James,” he said, sticking out his right hand for you to shake.”

“I’m Y/N.”

After that morning, the two of you spent practically all of your time together. You extended your time in Romania, not moving onto somewhere else as you had originally planned in favor of staying with James. You found yourself falling for him a little more each day. It took some time, but you eventually found out why he had always worn long sleeves even in the sweltering heat. He explained he was in an accident and this was his prosthetic. James told you mostly everything, or at least everything that you needed to know. He was from the States and had come to Romania to find himself. Things continued like this, days and night spent together in a shitty apartment sharing each other and falling in love. Until you had to go back to the states to start your job. To your surprise, James wanted to come with you. You were laying in bed on a rainy night when he made his confession.

“You mean the world to me Y/N. I came to Romania to find myself and figure out what I was doing. And then I met you and everything started falling into place. I love you Y/N. And I know this is soon, and people would call me crazy, but will you marry me Y/N?”

You gasped as he leaned over and opened the bedside drawer and produced a small velvet box, he opened it and showed you the ring inside. It was a simple ring with a thin gold band and a small gem in the center.

“I know it’s not much but one day I’ll be able to get you something-”

You cut him off with a kiss and a whispered promise.

“Of course I’ll marry you, James.”

The next morning when you woke up James was gone. You assumed he had gone for a run so you decided to pop down to the market and pick up a few things to make breakfast for the two of you.

When you returned a little bit later, you were shocked by what you found. Your apartment was in shambles. Furniture was destroyed, windows shattered- even the wood floor had a chunk of it missing. And James was still missing. He hadn’t ever told you everything about his past but now it seemed you had found a clue to who he was. You were due to leave Romania the next day- so you did. With hopes that James was okay and that he might come back to you someday. But he never did. That’s how you found yourself in a white dress two years later with the wrong ring on your finger, moments away from marrying a man that would never make you feel the way James did.

A voice from behind you pulled you from your thoughts.

“You look breathtaking doll.”

You spun around to face him gasping when you met his eye.  He looked more or less the same wearing a simple black button-down paired with black pants and black leather boots. His hair was pulled away from his face and you ached to run your fingers over the stubble coating his jaw.

“James, what are you doing here?”

“I had to see you. I couldn’t let you get married before talking to you.”

You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off.

“Please just hear me out. And if you don’t like what I have to say, you never have to hear from me again.”

You nodded for him to continue.

“By now I’m sure you’ve figured out everything. Winter Soldier, metal arm, all of it. I should have told you all of that back in Romania but I couldn’t. All I wanted from the moment I met you was to keep you safe and loved. I thought I had to hide the truth to keep you safe Y/N. But I know that was wrong now. But what I still want is to keep you safe and loved. And if you love this guy, then I’ll walk out that door and never come back. If we’re being honest with each other, this guy is probably better for you than I am but that’s not gonna stop me from asking you for a chance. And if you give me that I promise you with everything I am that I will work every day to make sure you feel loved and safe with me. Please Y/N, run away with me.”

“It’s not that simple,” you said, wiping tears from your eyes.

“It is,” James said, crossing the room to take your hands. “It is that simple draga mea.” (my darling)

“I can’t James. I’m so sorry but I can’t.”

James dropped your hands.

“Well at least I tried iubi,” (love) he said with a sad smile. “I hope you’re happy Y/N. You deserve to be happy.”

And with that, James was gone.

Melissa slipped back into the room moments after James left.

“Tell me everything,” she said without preamble.

“He wanted me to leave Eric and run away with him.”

“And you’re still here because?”

“Because Eric is standing out there, waiting for me to marry him! I can’t just bail on him.”

“Okay, hold on a second. Are you marrying Eric because you love him or because everyone else is expecting you to?”

And for some reason, that simple question made everything click into place.

“Oh my god, oh my god. I need to get out of here. I need to find James.”

“Yes!” Melissa squealed. “Let’s get you out of this dress and into my car. You go talk to James. I’ll break the news here.”

“Are you sure-”

Melissa cut you off.

“No arguments. Go, go!”

The second you were changed into a hoodie and sweatpants, you made a beeline for Melissa’s car.

As you drove to the Avenger’s tower where you had heard James had been staying, your eyes wandered to the engagement ring Eric had given you that was still on your finger. It was certainly bigger and more expensive than the one James had given you but it always felt wrong. You slid the ring off your finger and put it in the cupholder of the car. You would deal with the fallout tomorrow. Right now, all you could think about was being back in James’s arms.

When you approached the tower, you parked quickly and ran inside the lobby. You told the woman at the front desk who you were there to see. She gave you a skeptical look but called him down anyway. You paced around the lobby until you heard the elevator doors open. Your head snapped up and met James’s blue eyes. Before you could lose your nerve, you quickly walked up to James. You ran your fingers along his jaw and then pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. You went to pull away but James moved his hand to the back of your head and brought you back to him. A few moments later, you separated and James looked at you, a questioning look in his eyes.

“You were right, James. It is that simple.”

TAGS

EVERYTHING: @sea040561 @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @quotemeow @janeyboo @randomparanoid

BUCKY: Nada (yet) 

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Mads!! I was wondering if you had some thoughts on Bi!Wyatt because you write him so well and he is, uh, at least 50000% more interesting than I Am Wyatt Logan And I Am Definitely Straight!Wyatt. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF BI!WYATT FEELS

Oh. Oh you wanna know about Bi!Wyatt. Oh ho ho. This. This is gonna be fun.

AKA the Why Wyatt is Bi Meta That I Probably Should’ve Written a Year Ago But Didn’t Because I’m Lazy. BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS. THIS IS A FUCKING MANIFESTO.

This will be in two parts. The first will be my arguing why I think Wyatt is bi (pointing out examples that support my argument) and the second will be musing on why taking a character like Wyatt and making him bi is a more creative and interesting writing choice and gives him depth and complexity as a character.

PROLOGUE

Okay before we get started, people are probably wondering why I’m putting so much goddamn effort into writing about the possible sexuality of a character that managed to royally piss us all off for two thirds of an entire season.

Two reasons:

The first is that as I’ve mentioned countless times previously, Wyatt Logan isn’t a malicious person. He’s not a villain. He’s had genuinely good and loving moments. His toxic behavior actually makes him a wonderful example to people watching because it shows how otherwise good men can exhibit this behavior, and in my fiction I love to give him a chance to overcome that behavior and be the good and loving person that he can be and was meant to be. @brassmama once said I should start tagging all my fic “The Emotional Redemption of Wyatt Logan” and frankly, she’s right. That’s what I set out to do. Because to me, just hating on Wyatt and wanting to set him on fire is fucking boring.

also the amount of hate some of you show is concerning me are you guys okay?

Why hate when you can stretch your writing skills and give a character a thorough and well-earned redemption arc? Because shocking news, a lot of the toxic people we meet in our lives are not one-dimensional villains that we can dismiss. It’s not our job to fix them but by golly don’t you hope that they grow past that and become better people? I know I do.

Second, my anger at Wyatt isn’t actually mostly at Wyatt. It’s at the writers. It’s at the shitty boring writers who decided to just hand him his happy ending instead of taking the golden opportunity before them to give him a nice deep and complex redemption arc. It’s at the writers who decided to make him a toxic asshole in the first place instead of taking all his potential in season one and putting it to damn good use and making him a character who was interesting for all the right reasons instead of making him one who was interesting because he pissed us off. Two strikes means you’re out in this particular game, writers.

So. I didn’t come onto this goddamn blue hellsite in order to adopt Wyatt motherfucking Logan of all characters but since I am his mother now I am going to make him interesting and I am going to give him his emotional redemption and one of the best ways to do that is to make him bi so without further ado, here is a) why I think he’s bi and b) why that matters.

PART THE FIRST: LA PREUVE!!!

Before we get into this, I suggest that you quickly read my meta on why I see Wyatt Logan as submissive rather than dominant. It touches on some moments I’ll be mentioning here and helps to further round out how I see his character.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? With our favorite British spy, Ian Fleming, in 1x04. This is Wyatt’s reaction when he learns that it’s Fleming they’re dealing with:

“NOT NOW BONER!”

“Oookay that’s hot, he’s hot.”

“Oh oh oh he’s funny and cute aaaahhh”

“LUCY LUCY LUCY DID YOU SEE OHMYGOD DID YOU SEE WHO THAT IS AAAAHHH!!!!” *puppy eyes*

What’s important to note here isn’t just Wyatt’s reaction, but Lucy’s. Lucy is looking at Wyatt with a bit of fond exasperation–she’s saying “seriously?” Rufus has a similar reaction a moment later (although it was too quick for a screengrab, dammit). It’s like they’re annoyed, in a gentle friend way, by Wyatt’s behavior.

Note that Lucy’s geeking out and hero worship is never greeted with suspicion or fond annoyance by Rufus, Wyatt, and later on Flynn. Lucy’s hero worship and knowledge of historical characters is considered one of her strengths, because it allows her to get close to them. So why are Lucy and Rufus reacting this way when Wyatt hero worships someone?

Maybe because it’s not hero worship but, rather, a crush. Lucy and Rufus’s reactions much better fit friends dealing with their friend and the object of his affection.

We see this again in 2x2 with Wendell Scott. Scott makes what can only be described as a ‘sexy entrance’, throwing a man out of his tent and striding out while rock music plays, the camera panning up his body. *fans self* Oh hello sailor.

And the camera goes immediately to Wyatt who has THIS expression on his face right before saying breathlessly, “that’s…”

Wyatt then rushes in to defend Scott (who is just… hhnngghhh… sorry I need a moment that man is a Lot…) and shakes Scott’s hand with this look on his face:

If this isn’t the definition of heart eyes I don’t know what is.

When Scott compliments Wyatt, Wyatt blushes and looks away, pleased and embarrassed. Wyatt then spends the entire episode gooey eyed over Scott, and in a telling moment, tells Scott about his abusive father–private and intimate information that not even Lucy, Wyatt’s official love interest, knows about. It would make far more sense for Wyatt to tell Lucy about all this since she and Rufus are clearly wondering why Wyatt’s so knowledgeable about cars, and Lucy is Wyatt’s chief confessor at this point. Out of everyone, you’d think he’d be most comfortable telling Lucy about something like this.

But instead, he tells Scott about his father, clearly wanting to connect with Scott and be closer to him. This is something you see people do all the time when they have a crush on someone or are attracted to them: we tell them intimate details about our life in order to grow closer to them, intended to speed up the relationship process and stimulate them to be intimate with us in return (since we want to know everything we can about the people with whom we are infatuated).

Moreover, Wyatt’s reactions to Scott contrast Rufus’s reactions. Rufus also greatly admires Scott, and their growing connection as two black men despite their differences based on the times they live in is central to the emotional plot of the episode. But once again, Lucy and Rufus are basically telling Wyatt to “cool it.” Why Wyatt and not Rufus? Because with Wyatt, they’re not telling him just to calm down, they’re telling him to keep it in his pants.

Another thing to note about Fleming in 1x04 is that Wyatt is envious of his interactions with Lucy. Here’s his reaction when Fleming kisses Lucy’s hand:

🎶HEY JEALOUSYYYYYYY 🎶

Not the best screengrab but he’s trying his damndest not to roll his eyes.

Now, we the audience are probably supposed to make the jump in logic that Wyatt is envious of Fleming i.e. Wyatt is attracted to Lucy. But in the previous episode, 1x03, Wyatt tried to use the telegram system at the Vegas hotel to warn Jess of her death and save her life. He’s still hung up on his dead wife and wants to save her (we see this again in 1x06 when Flynn states outright from the journal that Wyatt is ‘obsessed’ with Jess and bringing her back). At this point in the series, Wyatt is still in love with his wife and wants her back. There’s no reason for him, therefore, to feel possessive of Lucy in any way.

But Fleming is Wyatt’s hero, not Lucy’s. So if Wyatt is attracted to Fleming, his envy makes sense. He’s envious of Lucy for getting all of Fleming’s flirtation and attention.

However, conversely we see that Wyatt is uncomfortable around other men who might show him interest. In 1x16 at the gay club, we see that Wyatt is extremely discomforted and stated that he “feels like a piece of meat.” Wyatt has so far been perfectly comfortable with LGBT+ people such as Denise, and then he’s comfortable with Ethan Cahill later on, so this doesn’t stem from homophobia but specifically from gay men thinking Wyatt is gay. I admit I’m drawing from personal experience here but in said personal experience, men who react with such discomfort tend to be suppressing a few things themselves–most straight men I know would laugh it off or roll their eyes.

Wyatt, however, is outright skittish. He’s acting like he’s got something to hide. Our first indication is when Lucy says, “This is 1954. You could get arrested for being gay.”

I couldn’t get a good enough shot of Wyatt’s reaction but here’s the tail end of it. Wyatt reacts to this assertion with discomfort and self-consciousness. Why would he do that? It’s not like they’re talking about him… unless Lucy’s reminder that people think being gay isn’t okay has painfully reminded Wyatt of himself. Wyatt grew up in a small town in Texas. I doubt they were all that kind to LGBT+ people there.

This is Wyatt right after a guy checks him out:

Check out his face. Wyatt’s avoiding the guy’s eyes, shifting uncomfortably, looking at the ground. Look at those puppy eyes. He’s scared–but why would he be scared? He’s not going to get jumped or anything. What could he possibly be fearing? The only thing that makes sense is he fears being outed, somehow, by another gay man who might be perceptive enough to metaphorically back him into a corner and force Wyatt to reveal something that he’s not ready to reveal.

Wyatt then tries to blow it off, “he’s looking at me like I’m a piece of meat,” but if we actually look at the onceover the gay guy gives him… it’s not actually that objectifying. The man looks down, then looks Wyatt right in the eyes and smiles at him flirtatiously. There’s no sloooooow drag up Wyatt’s frame, no wink, no outright leering. It’s quite tame compared to how most men look at women. But Wyatt’s response is that he feels like a piece of meat. His discomfort is actually disproportionate to the action that sparks his reaction.

But of course, all of these examples pale in comparison to the main one. The piece de resistance, the most compelling set of reasons yet, I give you… (drumroll, please)…

GARCIA FLYNN

Wyatt’s reactions to Flynn are… extreme. Rufus and Lucy have more reason to dislike Flynn than Wyatt does, and yet Wyatt’s the one storming all over the place and acting like just being around Flynn gives him an allergic reaction. He’s constantly going out of his way to push Flynn away and show Flynn just how much Wyatt hates him. It’s like Wyatt needs to prove to Flynn–and to everyone else–just how much Wyatt dislikes him.

Like this moment in 2x06 when Wyatt demands that Flynn “keep them safe”:

Note that Flynn winks at him:

was this wink scripted Goran Goran hey hey was this wink scripted or did you do it in the moment because Certified Mess™ Flynn can’t resist flirting with Wyatt to knock him off his game Goran inquiring minds need to know GORAN I HAVE QUESTIONS

And Wyatt is caught off-guard by the wink and then has to turn around and collect himself, taking a deep steadying breath:

Or take this moment when Flynn walks into the bunker in 2x03…

…where Wyatt literally stands up and storms out of the room upon Flynn’s entrance, saying to keep Flynn on a leash. Wyatt can’t even handle being in the same room with Flynn, while Lucy and Rufus (y’know, the guy Flynn got shot in 1x15) manage to stay in the room and have much smaller reactions to Flynn.

Note: Flynn definitely checks out Wyatt’s ass as he leaves I’m just saying–

Wyatt might as well be waving a giant red flag going HEY! HEY! I HATE THIS GUY! IN CASE ANY OF YOU THOUGHT I MIGHT LIKE THIS GUY OR EVEN RESPECT HIM THE TINIEST BIT!

We get even more of this in 2x07 when Wyatt gets extremely aggressive and tells Flynn to stay away from Lucy:

…and they were roommates.

(Oh my God they were roommates.)

…I mean do I even need to talk about the homoerotic subtext in these screenshots?

Wyatt, however, has more reason than anyone besides Lucy to connect with Flynn. Not only because they mirror each other, but because Wyatt gets to see a vulnerable and personal side of Flynn that nobody else does. Flynn doesn’t tell Lucy about his family’s murder–he tells Wyatt. Lucy doesn’t see Flynn risk his own existence to save his brother’s life, Wyatt does. Why does Wyatt get to see these moments if not to set the two men up as a parallel, a mirror for one another, and frankly why does he keep insisting Flynn’s an asshole when Wyatt is privy to moments like these:

Quote: “He just saved your son’s life.”

Quote: “Every memory I have of you, you were always sad. I know what it is to lose a child. I didn’t want you to lose your son, not if I could stop it.”

Moments where we clearly see Wyatt realizing Flynn’s not such a bad guy and understanding that Flynn is complex and has layers and weaknesses and powerful, understandable motivation. Why would we a) get to see Wyatt with Flynn in these moments of vulnerability and intimacy but then b) see Wyatt go out of his way to continually push Flynn away more than anyone else?

This has no bearing on the whole bi thing but frankly, this is one of Wyatt’s best looks. 10/10 suit. Pretty pretty puppy.

There’s only one reason: he’s scared of Flynn getting too close to him. And why would he be scared of that? Same reason he’s scared of the gay men in the bar hitting on him: Flynn might see a secret that Wyatt isn’t ready to look at.

1x08 is Flynn at his third lowest point (second lowest being his suicide mission in 1x16 and lowest of all being the end of 1x10/beginning of 1x11 when he kidnaps Lucy). He is ready to erase his own existence to save his brother and make his mother happy. It would make the most sense for Flynn to be seen like this by Lucy, who is the only character who’s made any attempt to understand him or connect with him and is the one he’s making the most effort to reach out to, the one he says he’ll “make a great team” with someday. Not to mention that given the disappearance of Amy from existence, Lucy’s the one most poised to understand what Flynn’s doing: saving a sibling. And Lucy’s the one (prior to 1x16) with a good relationship with her mom, just like Flynn, and would feasibly understand wanting to do anything to make one’s mother smile. Wyatt’s mother is never even mentioned in canon.

But it’s not Lucy who sees him like this and gets this intimate glimpse into Flynn’s past and home life. It’s Wyatt. Wyatt gets to see that–and usually in fiction writing, the character who gets to see that is the romantic interest or the character who at least has some sort of romantic feeling for the person.

Hmmmmmmm.

But before the Space Race, there was an even more prolonged and intimate moment between the two men–the first real interaction they have and one that, for me, cemented Wyatt as a closeted bisexual.

I’ve left this one for last, since it’s our biggest piece of evidence: The Watergate Tape.

AKA Wyatt Logan Has a Brain Glitch, AKA Wyatt Logan Has a Bi Crisis and Discovers a New Kink, AKA In Which Wyatt Logan Realizes He is Kinkier and Gayer Than He Originally Planned

thank you to @extasiswings for the second title

Aaanyway.

So. In this episode, Flynn captures the Time Team and sends Rufus and Lucy to get information for him while he holds Wyatt hostage.

I think I’ve seen this porno.

Flynn then spends his time with Wyatt telling him about Lucy’s journal and how Lucy writes about Jessica Logan’s death–in fact this is how the audience finally finds out how Jess died–and that Wyatt is ‘obsessed’ with Jess’s death and needs to learn to move on. In return to earn Wyatt’s trust, Flynn tells Wyatt how Flynn’s wife and child were murdered by Rittenhouse (again, this is how the audience also learns the story).

It’s a startlingly intimate moment between the two men. Like with Scott, we’d expect to hear the story of Jess’s death through Wyatt talking to Lucy, the person to whom he is closest and the person who at this point he is starting to show sexual attraction towards (I personally think Wyatt started to really be attracted to Lucy in 1x05 after she steadies him at the Alamo during his PTSD attack but anyhow). But instead, we hear it in a painful and intimate exchange between these two.

Pay attention to how Wyatt gets super uncomfortable when Flynn gets close to him, how he looks up at Flynn through his lashes, how very submissive Wyatt is being with his body language.

“Raise my chin even more to look Flynn directly in the eye? Nah. Gonna do a half-head tilt so I’m giving him a sultry side-eye.”

Wyatt also throughout their exchange (before Flynn pushes Wyatt’s buttons and makes him angry) routinely gives Flynn these looks:

Hmm, where have we seen Wyatt have that facial expression? At Fleming, for one, and at Lucy, for another. It’s a flirtatious expression.

There’s no reason for this screencap I just think it’s preeeetty. Mmm. Bask in the pretty.

Actually this screencap does a good job of illustrating the use of this scene to parallel the two men’s lives and storylines and show how they mirror each other.

Also? Look at how Wyatt’s positioned.

He’s not just in a hugely submissive position, he’s in a sexually suggestive position. He’s tied to a chair, and Flynn is looming over him, both of which are submissive. And look at how his legs are spread. His feet aren’t tied, by the way–Wyatt is doing that subconsciously, which puts, ah, certain aspects on display and in another situation it might be manspreading but given the positioning of the rest of his body and the situation he’s in, I sure as hell wouldn’t be manspreading. Manspreading suggests confidence and relaxation. His life is in danger and when we’re in danger whether we like it or not we instinctively go to protect our ‘vulnerable bits’ including, especially for men, our junk. By spreading his legs like this, Wyatt isn’t asserting his relaxation or confidence, he’s displaying himself.

His legs are spread, he’s tied up, he’s looking up at Flynn through his lashes, and he’s wearing a shirt that’s stretching across his chest, drawing attention to it. Now, in day to day reality, we sometimes wear shirts that do this and it doesn’t mean anything. But this is fiction and that means a costumer put that actor in a shirt that they knew would stretch across his chest in that way and therefore make him look even more sexually suggestive and exposed, and they chose to undo his top buttons and expose more of his throat, making him look more vulnerable and suggestive through that as well.

If Wyatt was, say, hanging from his wrists, that would be submissive, but not sexually suggestive. This, however, is both. The way the two sit together, the way Flynn tries to get on his level, the soft lighting, the way the two are wearing a pastel version of each other’s colors (Flynn’s signature color is burgundy and Wyatt is wearing pink, Wyatt’s signature color is blue and Flynn is wearing pastel blue)… if Wyatt was a woman there’d be no doubt that we’re seeing a prelude to a romantic connection here.

Throughout the whole confrontation with Flynn, up until the point where Wyatt’s angry over Flynn bringing up Jess’s death, Wyatt is in a suggestive, submissive position, he’s giving Flynn flirtatious looks, he’s uncomfortable in a not now boner way when Flynn gets too close the same way he was with Fleming. The whole time Wyatt is acting like he’s uncomfortably aroused.

Wyatt then takes great pains to shove away any connection with Flynn. There’s no real attempt to reason with Flynn, or acknowledge their similarities. Instead he denies any connection between them and calls Flynn a sociopath. Why? Because you can’t let any man to whom you’re attracted too close or he might figure out those dark feelings you’re trying to deny and/or hide. Wyatt is practically allergic to Flynn’s overtures or even to Flynn’s presence, as we already covered in 2x03, 2x06, and so on. But he keeps being given reason to think Flynn isn’t such a bad guy (1x06, 1x08). His shoving Flynn away like this only makes sense if Wyatt is scared of what will happen if Flynn gets too close to him, physically or emotionally. And it all starts here with 1x06.

It was this conversation that led me to go hmmmm and then re-examine 1x04 and take a closer look at Wyatt’s behavior in subsequent episodes.

So, to recap:

Wyatt shows in 1x04 that he is capable of being attracted to a man given his behavior around Fleming and Lucy and Rufus’s reaction to Wyatt’s behavior (”ugh get a room buddy,” etc). This is seen yet again in 2x02. In 1x06, Wyatt has a long conversation with Flynn where it is in a vulnerable position emotionally and physically and is furthermore in a sexually suggestive and submissive position in relation to Flynn. In 1x08 he gets an intimate look into Flynn’s psyche and childhood and family. In 1x16, we see Wyatt is uncomfortable in a LGBT+ setting suggesting he is not comfortable with his own sexuality and is scared of being found out. For all of season two, he then goes out of his way to show Flynn and everyone else how much he absolutely hates Flynn, despite having the least reason to do so, since his only reason is vying for Lucy’s affection and Flynn doesn’t become a true threat to that until 2x06. But in 2x03, 2x06, and 2x07, we see Wyatt making sure Flynn knows he’s not wanted.

Conclusion: Wyatt is bi. Wyatt is uncomfortable with being bi and has not accepted that about himself or perhaps even admitted it to himself. Wyatt is attracted to Flynn, as seen in 1x06, and has tentative romantic feelings for him developed in 1x06 and 1x08 based on seeing Flynn in vulnerable moments and learning intimate details about Flynn’s life. Wyatt then pushes Flynn away in order to push his own bisexuality away and avoid confronting it.

Wyatt being attracted to Flynn is the only logical conclusion for Wyatt’s behavior towards Flynn pre-2x06, given that Lucy and Rufus have more reason to dislike Flynn than Wyatt does, and that Flynn is not a true contender for Lucy’s romantic affection until 2x06 (he is, but Wyatt has ZERO reason to know this until 2x06 when Wyatt sees Flynn and Lucy smiling and joking together and walking down the hallway together, presumably towards one of their bedrooms for a private conversation, and Lucy tells Wyatt how great Flynn was on the mission). Wyatt has no reason other than being attracted to Flynn.

Wyatt being bi is the only logical conclusion for his behavior towards Fleming and Scott, given that Lucy and Rufus also have characters they hero worship and are not treated by the other two the way that Wyatt is when he ‘hero worships’ Scott and Fleming. Compare and contrast Wyatt’s behavior towards Scott with Rufus’s behavior towards Scott.

Wyatt being bi is the only logical conclusion for his behavior at the gay club, given that he is otherwise shown to be comfortable with LGBT+ people and seems not only uncomfortable but genuinely afraid, which as a Delta force-trained man who can more than protect himself physically, he has no reason to be–unless he’s hiding his sexuality and is scared of exposure.

The proof is in the pudding. Wyatt is bi. At least, according to my headcanon he is.

We can’t say for sure what the writers intended for Wyatt’s sexuality, and I’m not saying with any of this that they were secretly writing him as bi the whole time. I’m certain that some of them definitely didn’t write him that way *cough* Arika *cough* but either way I would never presume to know about the secret or hidden agendas of the creative team. This isn’t me saying “the writers were going to reveal Wyatt as bi in season three!” or “they secretly wrote Wyatt to be a closeted bisexual!”

Rather, this is me showing you through screenshots and a breakdown of Wyatt’s behavior in the episodes that it is perfectly possible and even logical to conclude that he is bi, and that I can use the actual source text (in this case the episodes) to back up my assertion.

This got annoyingly long so you can read the rest here!

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Tearing Down Sandcastles Part 19

Summary: Sofia feels stuck in life and has for the better part of two decades. Now she’s nearing her 30th birthday and her luck begins to change when a handsome actor accidentally destroys her niece’s sandcastle. 

Chapter Summary: Sebastian eagerly tells the world about the engagement while Sofia can’t stand being lonely anymore

Warnings: Couple arguments

           She said yes!

           Actor, Sebastian Stan announced on The Late Late Show with James Corden that he recently proposed to his girlfriend. Many fans speculated that he was engaged after seeing his girlfriend, Sofia Valdez, wearing a ring in a recent Instagram post documenting their time spent in Spain together. The thirty-six-year-old confirmed the rumors about his engagement. “The love of my life agreed to marry me and I’ve felt over the moon since then. I’m pretty sure I’ll be happy for the rest of my life because she said yes.” Stan told Corden on the show. “I’ve never felt this way about someone before. She brings out the best of me.”

           Valdez is the older sister of accomplished director, Erica Valdez. She met Stan on vacation a little under a year ago. Their fast track romance has been kept under wraps and Stan has shown to be very protective over his new fiancee. “Just because we’re together it doesn’t mean she needs to be subjected to the public like I am. I chose to be an actor but she deserves her privacy.”

==========

           After our engagement, Sebastian got busy and had to travel a lot. Initially, everything was fine. I got a part-time job as an office administrator and the rest of the time I took classes to get my masters. Sebastian bought me everything but I was starting to feel like he was trying to replace his affection with material things. I didn’t want a car or new clothes; I just wanted him to be home. But it was hard to tell him that because he had to travel for his job and who was I to tell him not to work?

===========

           But after a year of being engaged and Sebastian being gone nearly half the time, I got so overwhelmed with loneliness.

           “Hey, babe, sorry I didn’t get your texts until now.”

           It was late one night and I was sitting on our bed. I had my knees tucked against my chest as I leaned against Sebastian’s pillow, which had lost his scent.

           He’d been in Greece going on five weeks now. I was tired of being away from him.

           “That’s okay, it’s not too late there is it?” I asked quietly.

           “Nah, it’s alright. I’m not filming tomorrow so I can sleep in.” He answered.

           I could hear him walking upstairs probably going back to his hotel room. I had just finished dinner but it was around one in the morning in Athens. “Were you out?”

           “Yeah, went with a few friends for drinks.”

           I paused and felt a strange amount of jealousy and possessiveness. There had to be at least a handful of women trying to get his attention. What if he decided he was done with me because he met someone much more interesting?

           “Sof? Are you there?”

           “Yeah, sorry.” I swallowed.

           “Something wrong? You seem upset about something.”

           Something about the way he said that hit a nerve with me. Maybe it was just not expressing how I felt to him for a year. “Yeah, Sebastian I’m upset.” I retorted harshly.

           He seemed taken aback. “Okay…what happened? Are you okay?”

           I knew it wasn’t fair to take it out on him. My abandonment issues were from my childhood and really had nothing to do with him. But I also felt like he wasn’t even thinking about the effect of his traveling had on me. “I’m just feeling lonely.”

           “I’m sorry, baby, I know it’s hard.” He sighed. “I’ll be back in two weeks though and I won’t have to go anywhere for a while.”

           I bit my lip and hugged myself tightly. I’d never felt the need to lash out at him like I did at that moment. Arguments were never a solution to me, I hated when people yelled. But I felt like I had stored away my feelings for too long. They’d bubbled up and Sebastian inadvertently let it all out. “You promised that last time. How can you say that again?”

           “Did you look into adopting a cat or a dog? Remember we talked about doing that? That might help.”

           “I don’t want a fucking cat, Sebastian, I want my fiancee to be home!” I snapped and felt oncoming tears sting my eyes. “Even when you are here you’re still busy. It’s like you don’t even care about me you just throw money at me to try and make me feel better. That doesn’t work, I need you!”

           “Sofia, I’m sorry but this is my career. I know this year’s been tough but I’ve always offered for you to come with me and you say no.” He began to put up his defenses.

           “Because I have my own job, I can’t just go prancing around the world whenever I feel like it. I’m not an actor.”

           “Remember I told you that you didn’t need to work. I’ll take care of you, Sof, that’s not a problem.” He replied steadily but his voice was starting to get a little louder.

           “And I told you that I’m not just going to be a useless trophy wife. I don’t want you acting like I’m a charity case, I told you that from the beginning!”

           He groaned. “Alright, you’re clearly just looking for a fight. How about I call you tomorrow when you calm down?”

           I didn’t think he realized what he was triggering when he let that sentence leave his mouth. “Calm down?” I shouted at him. “I’ve been calmly waiting for you to come home but you seem to be just fine without me. Going out late like and not giving me a second thought?”

           “You don’t think I miss you too? You’re sorely mistaken, Sofia because I miss you like crazy. But I’m being careless because I’m not trying to pick a fight with you over the phone?” He demanded with a humorless laugh. “Look, I’m exhausted. I can’t do this right now.”

           “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re tired because you went out to party. I’m not stupid I know you’re probably glad you don’t have me there.”

           “Seriously? What has gotten into you? How many times have I told you I care about you more than anything in the world?”    

           “Because you don’t act like it!” I cried. “This whole year you’ve just been concerned with your acting and your appearances. You can’t discredit me when I tell you how neglected I feel.” Tears were streaming down my face as all my built up grief was released.

           “I’m sorry but you don’t want to be a part of any of that so yeah, maybe it feels like I have two lives. But you don’t want to come support me so that’s why it feels that way. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

           “You think I don’t support you?” I scoffed. “What because I don’t want to go be photographed? Do you even see the things your fans send me, Sebastian? I had to close my Instagram account last week because of the kinds of comments I was getting. But I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get upset and worry about me.”

           “Sofia, how am I’m supposed to help you when you don’t tell me anything. I feel like I’m in the dark about everything. It doesn’t matter what it is but you can’t just expect me to be a mind reader!”

           I buried my face in my arms as I cried. My hand fell limp and let my phone rest against the bed. I knew he was right but I was so used to holding in my true feelings because I felt like no one cared enough to listen.

           “Sof? C’mon, just talk to me I don’t want to argue.” I could faintly hear his voice. “Please.” When I didn't answer for a while, he tried again. "Draga mea, are you still there? Please just be honest with me, I can't bear you being so upset." He begged softly.

           “I told you…I said you wouldn’t want to m-marry me.” I hiccupped. “I was right, you should’ve listened to me.”

           “I’ve never doubted my decision once.”

           I reluctantly lifted my head and brought my phone back to my ear to hear him better. “I’m pathetic.”

           “No, you’re not.” He replied firmly. “Listen to me, I’m sorry I’ve been away so much. But I just need you to be honest with me. You know that nothing bad is going to happen if you tell me how you feel. We can work through this.”

           “I-I just miss you so much.” I sniffled. “I got so used to you being around all the time.”

           “I miss you too, baby, I miss you so much every day. I promise the next two weeks will go by fast. Just please tell me what you’re feeling. I don’t like when you’re having to cope all by yourself.”

           I wiped my eyes and felt like such a clingy girlfriend. “I’m sorry.”

           “Don’t apologize, you don’t have to. I’m just…I want to be the guy who you feel comfortable telling things to. And if I haven’t been then please-I want to change that.”

           I curled up on my side, hugging his pillow close. “It’s not you. I was just taught to deal with things on my own. I’m afraid that I’ll just burden you with everything.”

           “Your feelings aren’t a burden to me.” He replied firmly. “No matter what I’ll always take the time to listen you can count on that.”

           I reached over to turn off the lamp on the nightstand. “You should probably get to bed.” My voice was hoarse after the argument.    

           “I’ll stay up if you need me to.”

           “No that’s okay. Just text me when you wake up, okay?” I asked quietly.

           “Okay, I will. I love you, draga mea. Don’t forget that.”

Permanent Tags: @what-the-buckybarnes @captainmarmel

Tag list: @raulesparzalover @tacohead13 @lovelybones81

Masterpost

My Masterlist

[yourkittywilde]

FRIENDSHIP ON FIRE 🔥💖

TAGGING → @yourkittywilde & @sammynolanh

TIME FRAME → NYE morning.

LOCATION → Sammy’s apartment

WARNINGS → food mention

NOTES → Kitty attempts the whole talking about one’s feelings thing and they make a decision about the future of their friendship. 

KITTY

Kitty loved LA, the place had everything she wanted in a future home. But regardless of the awesome beaches, the warm weather, and the hot guy walking around shirtless most of the time, Kitty really really missed Sammy. So much so she had barely slept the night before - which was very unlike her.  She landed in New York the morning of New Years Eve and took a cab to his apartment. She didn't really have anywhere else to go now that Elliott had left the apartment suddenly after his break up with Louis, so she still looked super tired and exactly like she'd just stepped off a plane, but Sammy was one of the few people who had probably seen her look worse. Kitty could feel her stomach weirdly twisting into knots as she approached his door so she took a second and breathed in deeply before turning they key she still had from Christmas, "Honey, I'm home," she joked, stepping into the familiar apartment and placing her bags by the door.

SAMMY

Sammy has spent most of the night baking with Jackson trying to get the cake right. He could have easily had Jackson just make it for him but he wanted to do it himself. So after a couple attempts and Jackson correcting him Sammy finally made one that seemed decent enough. They had made a coffee infused chocolate cake and Sammy had mediocrely decorated it so it said “Welcome home, Kitty Cat.” With a small drawing of a cat, mostly just a circle with triangle ears and whiskers. When Kitty had gotten the Sammy was passed out on the couch. He had woken up to wait for Kitty, the cake on the coffee table with two coffee cups and a French press brewing but he was so tired her had fallen asleep.

KITTY

The apartment was quiet, and though Sammy had told her he was going to be home she wondered if he'd lost track of time while he was out last night... cringing for a second when she imagined him with someone else. She wandered into his bedroom first kinda sad when he wasn't there, and then went to the lounge - God know if this was Kitty's old apartment she would have been able to search the whole place in this time. And then she saw him lying on the couch. She went to wake him but stopped herself when she spotted the cake on the table, "oh my god," she chuckled quietly to herself, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to the sleeping boy.  "Saaaammy," she whispered, nudging him gently. "I'm gonna need you to wake up and pay attention to me now."

SAMMY

Sammy stirred a bit, a small groan escaping his lips as he woke, seeing the girl beside him. A smile grew on his face as he saw her through squinty eyes. “Kitty, hey...” he said, his voice scratchy and deep. His hand rose to pull her down with him gently, wrapping his arms around her. “I missed you.” He murmured

KITTY

Kitty had crossed her own carefully constructed 'sammy line' before she got on the plane to LA, so now probably wasn't the time to worry about what cuddling into him on the couch meant for them, "I missed you too," she replied quietly. Honestly even. "Are you looking to become a lumberjack sometime in the near future?" she commented with a small laugh, her fingers   dancing on the rough stubble growing on his face . "Or did you miss me so much you just couldn't bring yourself to shave?"

SAMMY

Sammy chuckled quietly as he rubbed her back. “It’s a new thing I decided to try out. Do you not like it? I can shave if you’d like me to.” He told her as looked up at her, a small content sigh leaving his lips. “I’m so happy to have you back. Did you have a good time in LA?” He asked her, genuinely hope she did, even thought he didn’t necessarily like the circumstances.

KITTY

She shook her head, "Nah it's kinda hot. It'll help you pick up all the ladies tonight." Kitty laughed, though that idea suddenly didn't feel all that funny. "LA was great, 10/10 would recommend." She smiled and sat up, mostly because if she kept laying into Sammy she was gonna fall asleep... and also she smelt coffee. "Did you make this cake?" She looked at him curiously, knowing his baking skills were about as non-existent as hers.

SAMMY

Sammy ignored her comment about picking up the ladies. He didn’t want to pick up anyone, he just wanted Kitty. Even if she didn’t return the sentiment. He sighed as she sat up, missing the warmth of her body on his. “Yeah... I know it’s a little ugly but I tried. Jackson was helping me out last night and taught me how to make it.” He explained to her as he rubbed his head and eyes. “I hope you like it.”

KITTY

"You made this with Jackson?" She repeated, clicking why there were together at ridiculous o'clock in the morning and admittedly kind of relieved they weren't boning. "Move over Gordon Ramsay," she smiled, pouring two cups of coffee and handing one to Sammy. There were a lot of things Kitty was good at, but small talk wasn't one of them. The girl had been mentally prepping herself to discuss feelings for a few days now, and before she decided to push them (and Sammy) away she figured she would just bite the bullet. "Soooo..." She started, taking a sip of coffee and looking at the brunette. "We should probably talk...."

SAMMY

Sammy sat up and leaned against her, taking the coffee cup from her. “Are you gonna try it? I promise it won’t poison you...” he said as he took a sip from his coffee. He still want totally awake and yawned. “Talk? About what?” He asked cluelessly.

KITTY

"It's cake. I've never turned down cake in my life, and I'm probably not gonna start today. So obviously I'm gonna try it," she said, folding her legs under her so she was sitting cross legged on the couch. Kitty just needed to get through this before she could eat (which wasn’t something she needed to say outloud). She shifted herself so she was facing him, and swallowed nervously, "I'm gonna need you to hear me out, ok? Before you get all mopey and threaten to leave me alone in your apartment, OR before you go jumping to conclusions and overreact... can you do that? Please."

SAMMY

Sammy smiled when she agreed to try it, getting excited. He wanted to impress her but then she kept talking and what she was saying scared him a little. He had no idea what she was about to say, he never knew. “You’re freaking me out a bit.” He admitted as he chewed on his lip but he nodded. “Wha-what’s going on?” He asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

KITTY

"Ok" she breathed, looking down at the coffee in her hands as her fingers idly sketched circles into the side of cup. "You hurt me with your weird PR fake relationship... you know that." She pursed her lips and quickly glanced at him. Sammy might be oblivious to a lot, but she knew he was well aware of that. "The last thing I wanted after that was to feel anything for you. At all. Hell, I didn't even want to be friends with you. But, well, here we are. And as friends we said we'd be honest so-" she felt like she was gonna throw up. "You should know I hooked up with Mike when I was in LA."

SAMMY

Sammy put his coffee down and listened to the girl speak. He knew he had hurt her and he was beyond sorry about, something he though Kitty knew. “Here we are?” He asked, confused. Yeah they were friends but it also felt some kind of confession. Then the next thing that left her lip, hit him like a ton of bricks. He didn’t know what to say or that he had any saying in it. She wasn’t his girlfriend so he shouldn’t have a problem with it but he did, he was devastated. “You said you two were just friends.” He commented. How did she expect him to just stay calm and not react. “You kissed me before you left.” He said quietly. “You kissed me and then you hooked up with him.” He took a deep breath, trying not to over react but it was difficult because he didn’t think he was over reacting he was just reacting. “I don’t understand.” He said sadly.

KITTY

"We are just friends," Kitty said, the knots in her stomach tightening at the look on Sammy's face. Her intention was never to hurt him, but they'd also very clearly agreed to be honest with each other. And they weren't actually together... Just weirdly domesticated.  "I shouldn't have kissed you," she admitted, holding tightly onto the cup in her hands. "I should have worked through all my... feelings or whatever before kissing you." She looked at him and sighed in frustration, wishing she was better at talking about this sort of thing. "Look, for the past two days all I've wanted was to come home. And I'm basically homeless in New York at the moment, so it's not like I was counting down to get into my own bed," she laughed sadly. "And for the past two months you have been there... even when I've not wanted you to be. When you had no idea why, you'd show up at 4 in the morning with coffee I didn't ask for, and when I said I didn't want to talk about something, you sat in silence with me. You decorated your freaking apartment to look like Christmas threw up  on the walls for me, and you baked a goddamn cake," she said gesturing to the homemade cake sitting on the table. "I'm not good at this sort of thing, and I know I'm probably going to mess it up eventually. But when I think about coming home, I think about being here... with you. Because I like you, Sammy. I think I like you a lot... Please don't make me get sappier than that. "

SAMMY

Sammy sat in silence, trying to process what she was saying. He still didn’t really understand and he didn’t want to assume what she was saying. “You’re homeless?” He interrupted for a moment, concerned by her comment, but continued listening to her. Her confession to him making him feel a little better. She likes him or so she says but what did that mean for them? “Okay.” He said at first, not knowing what to say. What was he supposed to say. He stayed quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “What does that mean for us?”

KITTY

"Kinda... Just for a couple more days, Louis is going to take me in." Not that her home situation felt particularly important right now, but he asked so she answered. She shrugged, not really knowing what it meant for them. All Kitty knew was that she didn't want to sleep with anyone else, and she definitely didn't want to lose Sammy.  Though that was probably about to happen anyway. "I don't know... are you going to get over the fact I hooked up with Mike?" She bit down on her lip, "It doesn't have to mean anything for us," she sighed, putting the coffee on the table next to her and standing, "Just forget I said anything."  She walked over to the kitchen, kinda wishing she did have somewhere to go to avoid looking at how sad Sammy was. Or that she could turn back time to when she got in and he was actually happy to see her. Honesty sucks.

SAMMY

Sammy nodded at her response for her living situation. Yes, Sammy was upset, he was really upset about Her sleeping with the other man but they weren’t together and he appreciated more than anything that she didn’t keep it from him. Would he get over it? Probably but it still hurt. He watched as she stood from the couch, clearly upset as well. Sammy frowned and stood up, following her into the kitchen and coming up behind her. “Hey...” He said quietly. “You over think to much.” He said with a soft smile. Trying to make her feel a little better. “Look, although I hate the thought of you with another guy and I never want to meet this Mike guy, I’ll get over it.” He sighed and reached for her hand. “I don’t want to forget you said anything.”

KITTY

Kitty turned around, avoiding eye contact with Sammy but listening to him speak. The timing was screwed up, had she realized she had feelings for Sammy before going to L.A she could have avoided all of this and she'd not have potentially messed up everything before it's even started.  She smiled halfheartedly when he took her hand,  and lifted her eyes to meet his, "What do you want then?"

SAMMY

Sammy chuckled quietly, looking down at the girl.  “You know what I want. You’ve known for a long time... What do you want, Kitty?” He asked her, hoping to get the answer he’s been waiting to hear for months.

KITTY

Kitty squeezed his hand gently,  she knew how Sammy felt,  despite not being able to reciprocate the feelings at the time, he had never tried to lie about them to her, "Still?" she asked. She smiled softly, "I want to be with you, you idiot. Not just in a 'I want to have sex with you' way, because while I definitely do want to have sex with you - like, all the time - I also want all that silly cheesy relationship stuff too," she looked down at their hands, "I'm really good at being alone so I don't know if I'm going to be the poster girl for relationships anytime soon," she shrugged, "But I'd like to try with you."

SAMMY

Sammy squeezed her hand back and nodded “Yeah, still. And I’m really glad that you were honest with me about what happened in LA. We’ll work through it and I’ll let it go if that’s what you want me to do. I trust you.”  Sammy listened to her and rubbed her hand with his thumb. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not the best in relationships either...” he shrugged and a smile grew on his face. “So we’re doing this?”

KITTY

Kitty's smiled widened and she could feel herself visibly relax, possibly for the first time since she got back to New York. "I trust you too, mostly... I'll work on the rest," she said,  looking up happily at the bearded boy. "We're doing this," she wrapped her free arm around his waist and pulled him closer to her. "We can be bad at relationships together," she laughed a little, "I can kiss you now, right?"

SAMMY

Sammy bit his lip, the smile on his face breaking through, unable to hide how happy he was. “Holy shit.” He commented with a happy laugh. “This is happening.... yes, yes. You can definitely kiss me.” He grinned as he let go of her hand and wrapped both his arms around her to pull her into a deep kiss.

KITTY

"Finally!" she exclaimed,  laughing and wrapping her arms tightly around him.  Without even hesitating she kissed him back,  more passionately than she had kissed anyone in quite some time. It felt easy, and right and so very hot.  Kitty smiled against his lips, not actually able to stop herself from doing so. Every fiber of her being just felt... happy. "You can't change your mind now," she breathed, "You're totally mine."

SAMMY

Sammy grinned into the kiss, lifting her up on the counter for more comfortable access. He ran a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face as he pulled away from her lips slowly. “I’m yours. I think I always have been. Since the moment we met I just knew we had something special. You were special.” He whispered to her and pressed his lips to her once again.

KITTY

Kitty wrapped her leg's around his waist and rolling her eyes playfully at him, "I'd almost forgotten how cheesy you are, I want to revisit my decision," she joked,  biting down on her lip for a second before leaning giddily in to his kiss.  She ran her fingers through his hair,  twisting her fingers in with his permanently messy hair. The stubble from his beard rubbed against her cheeks and honestly it just served as one of the reasons was so, so much better than any of their previous ones. "Um," she pulled away from his lips and rested her forehead against his, at least this time when she kissed him she didn't have to question whether or not it would be the last time. "I really want that cake now."

SAMMY

Sammy grinned and shrugged “Suck it up. You’re stuck with me” He chuckled and peppered her with kisses before pulling away with a nod “Okay, cake it is.” He smiled and picked kitty up off the counter and brought her back to the living room where the cake had been abandoned. “I really hope you like it. Jackson said I did well but I think he’s just really nice.” Sammy said as he set her down.

KITTY

Kitty grinned, kissing his cheek softly as they moved from the kitchen to the living room, "It can't be any worse than the last cake I tried to make, it tasted like salt and sadness," she laughed, falling back into the couch and pulling Sammy back with her. "But I hope you don't think now you and I are together I'm going to go easy on this cake tasting," she teased with a smile, scooping up a piece of cake with the fork and trying it. She hummed happily, "This is like, actually really really good." She probably sounded more shocked than she should have.  She put another piece of cake on the fork, and offered it to Sammy "See, I'm sharing... That's how much I like you."

SAMMY

Sammy lounged next to her and laughed, waiting to see her reaction on the cake, so far it was all good. “You’re gonna have to thank Jackson. He taught me all I know.” He grinned and opened his mouth to try the cake. A small moan escaping his lips as the moist cake melted in his mouth. “Fuck. It’s delicious.” He commented as he grabbed his own fork and dug into the cake, but not before pecking Kitty’s lips  smiling, “I’m glad you liked it.”

KITTY

She shook her head, "I think I'll just thank you... Becaussse," she took a bite before leaning back contently into Sammy's side. "I plan on thanking you in ways which as of very recently are not really appropriate for me to be doing with anyone else." Kitty turned to him, kissing him quickly. "I think this is probably the  best New Years Eve I've ever had.... And it's not even midday."

SAMMY

Sammy raised his brow “Oohhh so you’re not into the whole threesome thing, gotcha.” He teased. “Don’t worry, I’ll thank him for you.” He joked and chased her with a kiss. “This definitely tops all of mine.” He replied as he put his fork down and wrapped his arms around the girl. “I almost don’t want to go out and just stay here all day with you.” He murmured as he pressed kisses to her shoulder

KITTY

Kitty laughed, "I don't think that's a conversation  we need to have day one of our relationship. We'll save threesomes for day four." Relationship... That sounded so weird to say out loud.  "Oh no, we're totally going out," she replied with a smirk, "The last party we spent the entire time correcting people when they assumed we were together. Now it's only fair I get to mess with them all by kissing you all damn night." She rested her head on his shoulder, "But maybe we can come back a little early."

SAMMY

Sammy nodded “Noted.” He smiled. “They’re gonna freak. They all really really liked you. Dude, my dad is gonna be so happy when I tell him.” He grinned ecstatically. Sammy hadn’t been this happy and excited in a while. He turned his head to kiss her forehead. “We can stay out as late as you want to. I don’t care what we do as long as I’m with you.”

KITTY

"I feel like you really talked me up to your dad, he's probably expecting you to be dating this girl next door type... I don't know if you've realized, hot stuff, but that's totally not me." She laughed lightly at his next comment,  a quiet yawn escaping her lips as her body remembered it had been way too long since she'd slept, and honestly being in Sammy's arms was the most comfortable she's been since before Christmas. "Are we still the hottest new couple if we take a nap?"

SAMMY

Sammy laughed. “Oh, I talked you up, but he thinks you’re badass and independent and he likes that for me. Said I need you to put me in my place sometimes.” He assured her. “Naps are definitely acceptable at this moment, but, in the bedroom, where I can actually stretch my legs.” He grinned and stood from the couch taking Kitty’s hand so would follow

KITTY

"Just sometimes?" Kitty joked, nudging him softly. "Just know that while my parents don't always see how awesome I am, I'm able to woo like, 95 percent of parents." She nodded, took his hand and pulled herself up from the couch. "Let's go," she smiled, squeezing his hand and following him into his bedroom. "Your bedroom looks better with you in it," she commented sleepily,  laying down and resting her head onto Sammy's chest.

SAMMY

Sammy leaned over and kiss d the top of her head as they walked to the room. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to woo anyone. Just be yourself.” He smiled and upon entering the room made himself comfortable in the large bed and opened his arms out for Kitty. “I like it better with you, too.”

[pseudofaux]

Try (Kansuke)

I should have called this FINALLY instead, because damn it took a while! But here’s my Kansuke story. Only about 5k, not crazy. Also-- very different, sexwise. I tried a few different things as I wrote this, honestly. But there is sex! This is M! Do with that what is legal/you will.

I chose to disregard a few things and leave off the exhaustive OC backstory that sometimes clogs my efforts. So here, Meiri is a servant to the Takeda, treated well and trusted. She’s not Shingen’s MC. They could certainly exist in the same story. I like to think she stumbled upon Kansuke multiple times and they struck up a companionable and private friendship. She has been attracted to him all along, but in a quiet, wouldn't-it-be-nice kind of way, not a good-golly-we-gotta-get-our-jollies kind of way. Perhaps until just the moment this starts. Ultimate proof that this is not author insert because yours truly woulda been like EY KANSUKE, EY BAYBAY, YOU PUT IT IN Y/Y, TODAY?

Yours truly is a poet.

Tagging @unicornthug4life @yuyuisakura-hime @rubyleeray @karalija @saizos-little-lady @akiko-moons @opossumlyinsane @yukiwariso @little-mini-me-world @oh-my-otome @suzunesays @yoolee @sengokugenkigirl (thanks for talking with me about this and convincing me that it would be better if she were NOT Shingen’s MC!) @quincette and @dear-mrs-otome (who rightly called my ass out for falling asleep like a COMMON OLD instead of posting this last night like I said I would-- my mea-est culpa!).

SPOILERS for Shingen’s route. You deserve (in the best way) to read that first hand, so for emotional impact I recommend reading this only after you’ve played through Shingen’s story. Would a warning like that stop me? Noooooope. Do with it what you will as well. And be well, gentle reader! Xoxo!

Soundless moonlight laid softness and silver over everything it touched.

But in front of me, standing out of the moon’s reach, was Kansuke, plum color all about him, fresh and vivid. His clothes. His hair, a purple sheen muted but persistent in the dimness. His eyes, the color of a beautiful bruise and the sight of him making me ache just as much.

I was naked and kneeling on the floor of my room. Only a few hours before, I had asked him to come to me tonight. He might refuse what I planned to ask of him, but I knew he would not mock me. The safety of that, the knowing that his answer would be true, yes or no, bolstered me. Time was dwindling, which bolstered me in another way.

My knees ached. I kept myself on them because it felt vital to be respectful in this effort, and not to pressure him.

“Thank you for coming. I want to be with you tonight,” I said firmly, quietly.

His face remained passive. I knew he had heard me, so this silence was for me to fill.

“I feel like you have been hinting that you are leaving, and that you think it is less likely than usual that you will come back. If you didn’t, I would miss you. I would mourn. I don’t want to do nothing with that feeling. I want to be with you before you leave. I want to comfort you in whatever way I can. That would comfort me.”

My voice sounded surer than I expected it to, the words clear. As I was speaking I realized the trueness of the little speech. I had known those feelings for some time, but to put them into the air made them real.

Kansuke tilted his head. His face remained just shy of austere. And still he said nothing.

So I asked, “Can I?”

After a beat, he nodded. Relief fluttered behind my ribs. Quietly he said, “I suppose you can try,” and somehow he made it sound like an indulgence without making me feel foolish.

“Thank you,” I said, truly grateful. He matched my smile with a small one of his own, and I stood up to reach for his face.

“What do you want?” I asked.

He paused and then looked perplexed. It didn’t suit him at all, and it made me laugh. Briefly, so quickly I wouldn’t have caught had I not been looking right at him, I saw a flash of embarrassment, his face uncomfortable.

“Forgive me,” I begged on a giggle, trying to look serious. It would be hard to tell if he did, because of course his face was already normal—for him—again. “You’re always so assured. I was just surprised. The expression you made was endearing.”

His face went calm.

“May I join you in your bed?” He asked quietly. He might have been blushing. Out of the moonlight it was too dim to be sure. But I knew his voice, soft and low, and my body knew it, too.

“I suppose you can try,” I said airily. But I couldn’t keep the big smile off my face, and I nodded happily, returning to the comfort of my futon.

Kansuke removed his clothes… perfunctorily, seems the only correct description. But he deftness of his movements and the way he folded things as he removed them were almost as interesting to me as the parts of his body he was revealing.

Not quite, though.

That beautiful skin… What color was it, exactly? I blushed at my silly thoughts and the bold way he was exposing his body, but kept my eyes on him.

He was compact and strong. Scars latticed his torso, old scars, faded a little paler than the rest of him. His skin was stretched over his frame. He wasn’t gaunt, but his body seemed somehow sparse despite his grace and the strength I knew he possessed. I was seized by the desire to go make him a snack, feed him something, nourish him in some way. But there wasn’t time for that. We would have to satisfy emotional needs instead. Mine, at least. I hoped he had them, too, and wasn’t just going along with this for me.

His hips were narrow. Kansuke’s entire body was lean, his limbs gangly without his clothes to pad his appearance. But his movements were fluid. He reminded me of a stag, somehow: long limbed but stately.

He did not turn around as he removed his fundoshi. Our eyes met and then mine dropped to the new skin on display and I felt them widen. I suppose I should have known given the deep baritone of his voice. I remembered times when he had whispered to me in that voice and bit my lip to keep a greedy whimper from disturbing the curious, beautiful quiet of this moment.

When he was naked and his clothes were neatly settled, he moved to the bedding and slipped beneath the cover. The blanket made the barest rustle. How had he managed that?

A thought for another time, because suddenly I could feel skin on my own. Not as warm as I expected, not quite cool either. It was the closest our bodies had ever been to one another, and I leaned a bit forward and breathed through my nose, trying to catch the smell of him on the sly. I’d been wondering for weeks.

“No good,” he smiled down at me, that small indulgent quirk of his mouth. “We mask our scents.”

I couldn’t help my pout at that. But then his arms went around me, and the disappointment was replaced by happiness that made my body prickle with goosebumps. He pulled me closer with those arms and I put my own around him.

Kansuke’s skin was only subtly warm. It was like his entire physiology was devoted to being unnoticed. It was surprisingly smooth, too, the fine hairs on his arms so unlike those I had seen on other men, and the skin itself perfectly supple despite the way I thought he looked so thin. Touching his back and shoulders was a bit like skimming my fingers over water.

“May I kiss you?” I asked. He nodded immediately, just once. As I smiled and closed my eyes, bringing my mouth to his, he met me halfway.

Oh, his mouth was warm. His kiss was so warm and smooth and strong. The pleasure of the feel of him had me seeking more, pushing his head gently to mine as I ran my fingers up the back of his scalp. The hairs there were slippery silk, a luxury that had been hidden in plain sight as long as I’d known him. I groaned, and Kansuke took my lower lip in his teeth and slowly, slowly, slowly moved it between them. When he freed me I whined for more, licking at the air until I found his mouth again.

He had no scent, but his taste was surprisingly distinctive. Like mint and apple. Like the secret delicacy he was.

When I broke our kisses to breathe, his eyes were closed and his tongue moved over a corner of his lips. He was smiling. I smiled, too.

I waited for him to open his eyes, but he stayed as he was, the smile teasing his lips and teasing me, too. I pulled my fingers gently along the back of his head.

“Kansuke,” I said softly, “Will you please look at me?”

He opened his eyes immediately, and his expression quickly shifted to something that hinted at amusement.

“I know what you look like,” he said. “I have looked at you very often.”

That whisper made me throb for him.

“I want to know what you feel like, since I have not had the same opportunity to touch you.”

At that I could only gasp, a tiny sound in the quiet of the room.

“I want that, too,” I whispered fiercely, pressing my fingers against the back of his head for emphasis. “Please.”

Kansuke’s hand trailed to my arm and then moved down. The pressure of his fingers was hard to detect in places, leaving gaps in the drag of his path to my hand. When he got there, he threaded his fingers through mine and brought the hand between us.

He was looking at me very solemnly. He kept our eye contact as he kissed my little finger. And then he swept his tongue, wet and so much hotter than his skin, over the digit. My lips were trembling and I wanted to put my head back and moan, shut out everything but that feeling... but his eyes held mine. So I shuddered, and my eyelids threatened to shut, but they did not. They could not.

“I have been taught that the tongue is more sensitive than the fingertips,” said the man in my arms. His voice was level, but breathy in a delightful way.

I acknowledged this with a short hum because I couldn’t manage much more than that. Kansuke closed his mouth to kiss the skin of my finger again, then moved up the side of my hand. His tongue slid toward my wrist. The heat of his mouth was enough that the moisture he left on my skin evaporated before it could cool. This was heat he could not hide: it couldn’t be masked like his scent or meditated into coolness like his skin. The fire of his soul would burn until his life ended. I prayed, briefly and desperately, that such a time would be long away from the moment we were in.

Then he dipped his tongue into the inside of my elbow and I could think of nothing but getting away from that sudden sensation. My body jerked.

“Ticklish,” I offered with embarrassment as I tried to recovered my sense, clutching myself. “Sorry.” That got me one of his barely-perceptible smiles.

“I will not tickle you. May I do it again?” he asked politely.  

“Er... I’m very ticklish there.”

“But if I promise you that I will not linger?”

I was very ticklish, so my desire to keep the sensitive skin inside my arm safe warred with my wish to give him what he asked for. After a moment of looking into his eyes, I finally said “Yes,” hesitant but turned on. He seemed to think the intention was important, and he had said that what he wanted was to know what I felt like. I would try.

Suddenly my wrist and bicep were being held, and his tongue snaked out to return to where I’d interrupted him. I gasped at the contact and felt myself stiffening and pulling back the arm to protect it on reflex. He held firm.  

It was only a second or two before he moved further up the inside of my arm. I was panting. His work was making me tense and excited. And squirmy. I wasn’t sure if this promised similar attention to my sex or not, but even this… even this was thrilling.

He traced my shoulder, my clavicle, and my throat with his tongue, the sweep of his attention always hot on my skin, always fading quickly. The heat in me, on the other hand, grew as he continued this careful exploration with his tongue. I was quivery and desperate by the time he reached the top of my neck. Kansuke licked the curve of my jaw, moving seamlessly along my skin as I panted.

He stopped to press a gentle kiss to my cheek. And then he licked the inner curve of my ear, and my toes curled, and I shut my eyes so tightly I saw colors in the blackness, somehow.

Kansuke slid to the side, laying down behind me. As we lay on our sides I could feel him pressing into my back, and the thrill of it made me feel so good I giggled again.

“What is funny?” he asked, a little curious, perhaps a little sour.

“I’m happy,” I told him honestly, rolling my hips back so my bottom rubbed against his length. It didn’t feel wicked. Well, not too wicked. Mostly it felt like just the right thing to do. “I’m happy to be here with you.” I said quietly.

Kansuke made no reply, but he pressed forward against me and I sighed, content as I had told him I was. I reached back for him, my fingers landing on his hip. Those fingers begged to touch the decadent smoothness of his skin, so I did. I rubbed circles on his hip as I moved myself back against him. I relished his increasing firmness and made quiet noises as my own arousal rose with his.

His hand was on my own hip, then, and he traced a spiral with one finger before moving to the front of my body.

“You feel soft. Good,” he murmured. “Now I know.” His voice was low and his words were sweet. I whimpered.

His hand went forward, down, gentle presses as he massaged his way to where I desperately wanted him to be.

“You’re making me feel good,” I said shakily, pressing his hip with my fingers. “And you feel good to me, too. Your skin is so smooth. I wish I had touched you before now.”

Kansuke hmphed, and I think he might have blushed. There was a little flare of heat across the skin of his arm. His fingers went lower still.

“I mean it,” I said in a small voice. I pushed myself forward toward his hand. “Feel. You’ll see.”

He did. I was warm and slick for him. The base of his palm cupped my mound and then one finger pressed slightly, grazing my slit and tracing up. I breathed in noisily and told myself to be patient. Something about the way he was touching me now, and had before, made me suspect that he had studied but not been with a woman. Whether that was true or not, what I wanted most of all was to be with him in whatever way he would allow. And whatever way he would take. Kansuke had never struck me as the type of person to leave something undone.

The pad of one of his fingers grazed my clit, and I shuddered against him with a little cry. His touch stopped immediately.

“Did you make that sound because it was good or bad?” Kansuke asked at my ear, urgency apparent.

“Good,” I breathed. “Good. I promise I will tell you if you hurt me. But it feels very good when you touch me like that.”

He made a meditative sound and did it again, body tense as though he expected me to complain. After that he explored gently, occasionally giving me time to recover from my shudders or squeals. I believe between passes he rubbed his fingers together, slick with what he found. And he continued to make those sweeps up to my clit and make me whine.

I could feel the tip of him at the small of my back. Warm. Rigid. So very smooth. I wanted to feel it. For a few moments I was able to clench my fist but before long, my greedy hand reached back for him.

As my fingers began to encircle his length, Kansuke groaned, sounding more pained than pleasured. So I stopped.

“Is this alright with you?” I asked, drawing my hand back to hover above him. I liked his body curved around my back but just then I wish I had been facing him, able to check in with his eyes.

“I. Have not… ever...” he trailed off. His voice was low.

“That’s fine,” I stressed, moving my fingers back to the safety of his hip, pressing for reassurance. “I know what to do. And I want you give you pleasure if that’s okay. May I please try?”

say yes say yes say yes, please say yes

He kissed the back of my head and murmured his agreement into my hair. And then that brave man pushed himself up into my hand. I had to gasp; this part of him was even smoother, warm silk gliding effortlessly in my grasp. I could feel the bump of his pulse in one spot. I was surprised that running my hand over a man could be so pleasurable for me.

Kansuke cleared his throat. “I would like to—”

“Whatever it is, yes,” I interrupted. He was rolling my clit between his thumb and forefinger, not quite too hard or quite too fast… precisely right to build something beautiful. His huff of laughter into my hair made me smile. “Just please don’t stop what you are doing right now,” I begged. My hips were rocking up toward his touch and back toward his arousal.

Kansuke’s other arm slid under my neck. I nuzzled him as his hand touched just beneath my small breasts. Whenever I moved the underside of them brushed his hand. It was tantalizing.

He began to apply more pressure when he swept his fingers along my labia, notching into my entrance but not pressing inside. When he did it I hissed and squeezed him, and felt his breath behind my ear, warm and fast. I was as turned on by this lack of his usual calm as I was by what he was doing to my body.

Finally, finally, he held his finger in place instead of moving it up.

“Can I…?” His whisper was sweet, respectful, from a dry throat. It made my assent a moan.

The slide of his finger into my body was soothing and exhilarating all at once, like being tossed into the air and knowing you’d be safely caught. I breathed out a surprised, pleased sound at the wonder of it, and heard his quiet laugh again.

I squeezed him. He stopped laughing.

“What,” I asked between slides of his finger into my body, “can I do to make you feel good?”

“Exactly what you’re doing,” he said, calm and kind. He was so sweet. Did anyone know how sweet he was?

For a moment we did just that, caressing one another steadily. But then he started tapping my clit with his thumb at double the rhythm of his finger pushing into my body. Then faster.

“Ka-Kansuke!”

With expert pressure he turned the tension of my body into fizzy, gasping pleasure. I could feel the muscles within me clenching at his finger, rippling faster than I could control. My legs started shaking.

I tried his name again but only managed to wail the first syllable. It was so loud I brought my free hand to my mouth. It was happening so fast, my body was ready but my mind wasn’t—I tried to make myself stop clamping down around him but couldn’t—couldn’t stop gasping—couldn’t stop feeling— every little press of his thumb edging me further into this tense single-minded fight to keep my wits—and—then

Ah.

I lost them anyway. But they came back to me quickly, my skin prickling with warmth and comfort. Pleasure. Heavy-lidded bliss.

I fell asleep.

I woke before long; my hand was still behind me, around him, and his fingers had not moved. I nuzzled his arm again, blearily sated. I felt a delayed flutter of my muscles around his fingers within me. And at that moment if a god had offered me the chance to stay like this forever, I would have taken it.

Kansuke pressed a kiss against the back of my ear. It made me feel like my skin was a million tiny flowers suddenly going from bud to bloom.

I squeezed him in my hand again, and moved up and down his length. He shuddered, and I did, too.

“I want to make you come,” I whispered, slowing down, squeezing gently once more at the base of him.

“I want to make you come again,” he said.

Deep in my belly I felt a throb of lust so strong I winced.

“Together?” I breathed.

“I would like that,” Kansuke answered. His thumb brushed against my clit. He was gentle, I believed in deference to my sensitivity.

We didn’t quite make it to together, but we were close. Just as I was getting desperate, I heard Kansuke gasp and felt his arm go rigid beneath my cheek. His cock pulsed in my hand and then his come was in my fingers and on my back, hot, and his shuddering breath behind my head made me feel so good I had to close my eyes again. I hissed at the heat, loving that he had let me do this, loving that he had let go enough to do this.

I expected he would stop, but Kansuke continued to work me just as he had before. Gently but insistently, two fingers in me now as his thumb brushed my clit and my folds around those fingers. It was so erotic my pleasure jumped a notch, closer to that wonderful peak of a second orgasm.

And then he took me over, pressing me back to him with both of his hands, softening cock smearing his still warm come against my back as I arched for him and came, his name a whimper tumbling from my teeth.

When I had well and truly come down, Kansuke slipped his fingers out of me, so fast I barely had time to register the movement. But I could feel the absence of him more acutely than I could the sticky thread that fell on my side as he moved his hand.

“Hmm,” he said curiously, and I heard and felt his breaths through his nose. When he put his hand back on the flare of my hip, it was no longer sticky. My toes curled at the implication. I brought my own hand forward to my mouth, curious.

His essence had cooled, but it had been so hot to begin with it was close to the temperature of my skin. I had never tasted a man before… I wanted to now. It was savory. Thick, and a bit bitter. I told him so and after another thoughtful moment, he thanked me.

“May I hold you here awhile?” Kansuke asked.

“I suppose you can try,” I said, but it ended around a yawn so I failed to imitate his earlier tone yet again. He chuckled anyway. I tucked myself back against every part of him I could reach. His hand, a perfect match to the temperature of my own skin, came to rest on my ribs.

“Thank you, Meiri,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” I replied, and I wanted to stay awake and talk to him and cherish this time more, but I could not. Even the realization that the sweat on his arm did have a smell, what was that…? was blanketed by comfortable blackness as I closed my eyes, and slept.

I woke again, to the feeling of my back being patted dry with a cloth. I flexed minutely, recognizing the feeling of being clean. Sadness tinged my awareness. He was preparing to leave.

“I am going to put a small dose of sedative in your bloodstream. It will help you return to sleep but the drug is not so strong that you’ll struggle to wake in the morning. Yes?”

“I’m not sure I need the help. You could stay here for the rest of the night,” I ventured, daring to reach back for his hand.

The quietest chuckle at my hair, the lightest pressure around me. He was again like a wisp of a presence despite the solidity of his body behind me.

“I am going in a few moments.” His voice was warm. Comfortable.

“Is this the going when you’ll be gone for some time?” I wish you could stay.

“Yes,” he answered. He rubbed one of his hands down my arm, the skin of his palms providing a tender scratch that gave me fresh goosebumps.

“It won’t make me forget tonight, will it?”

“No,” Kansuke said immediately. That indulgent smile was back on his face, I could hear it. “I wouldn’t want that,” he added more quietly. He pulled a stray lock of hair behind my ear and kissed the curve gently.

Oh, a part of me is going with you, Yamamoto Kansuke. I hope a part of you is staying with me.

I hummed, careful to keep the sound thoughtful and not affirming. “First, may I do two things? Neither will take long.”

I felt him nod, his cheek rubbing the back of my head. I turned in his arms, our skin pliant and easy against each other. As my cheek rested on his chest I wished, desperately, that he could stay. But I believed him when he said he would go. I did not think he would take a token and I had no clothes that were suitable to offer him.

I peeked up at him.

“I would like to look into your eyes for just a moment. And I want to leave a mark on your skin. A love bite. May I?”

It was the third time I’d ever visibly startled him. When his face relaxed, he held my eyes with his own and it was comfortable, somehow, to look straight into him. Plums, sunset, my mother’s best kimono. They were all close but not precisely the color of his eyes. Purple in the darkness now, and I would remember their purple in the candlelight of Shingen's room and the sun of the garden, too.

After a moment, he nodded, but specified “The mark… somewhere unlikely to be noticed by others.”

I nodded, too. Touched the slight swell of his chest. His heart beat steadily below my fingertips.

“I would like it to be somewhere you can see, though. Here?”

The slightest, slightest twitch of his mouth, a slow blink, a softening of his eyes and jaw. This was his smile. I would remember it all of my days. “You may try,” he said, permission without challenge.

I set to work, a gentle kiss replacing my fingers before I sucked on the skin. Kansuke’s fingers threaded through the hair at the back of my head, keeping me there. I was happy to stay. When he breathed, his chest pushed toward my effort and I struggled with my own heart. I could not clutch this man forever, could not even keep him in my arms until morning. I did not regret what we had done but wondered if perhaps I should have just held him for the time instead.

When I pulled away to assess my work, he looked, too. He touched the small crimson mark, then used his hand to tilt my chin toward him. He kissed me firmly.

It was the first night we had kissed, and already this was goodbye.

He slipped away, pulling the bedding down behind him. Considerate man. His skin, that color I couldn’t name, beckoned me. But I stayed where I was.

“I give my consent. To the drug,” I said softly. He turned faster than I thought was possible and there was a thin sting behind my ear, and then the press of one of his fingers. It was comforting. I leaned into his touch.

“Be happy. Try to stay safe. Please.” Kansuke’s whispered request against my cheek was gentle. “You should not wait for me.”

“I know,” I said sadly, feeling tired in so many ways. “I will try. I’ll keep busy here. But I will hold on to my thoughts of you for as long as I can.”

He huffed out a small laugh. The sound and the sedative both worked magic on me, and my drowsiness began to take me back under.

“Try. To live. Please. I think you are so wonderful,” I murmured, the pull of sleep too strong to resist.

I think he kissed my forehead, and I think he murmured something against my skin, but to this day I have never been sure if those thoughts are memory or dream.

Kansuke did not return. Eventually I learned what happened to him, that in the battle he left for he protected Takeda Shingen, and was the one to get him out. The Sanada warrior, too. Now I am much older and the three of them are long dead. These thoughts are lonely. Lonely for me, lonely for them. Everyone would have prospered under the Takeda… but Shingen is gone, and would not have lasted much longer than he did, sadly. The Tokugawa are in charge now. Sooner than later—probably sooner—it will be another clan.

Before the razing of Tsutsujigasaki, when it still seemed possible that the Takeda could rally, I went to Kansuke’s room. There was nothing identifying to be found within it. I cried in his bedding. I took a small packet of herbs I did not recognize from a chest of drawers, and a richly embroidered haori I never saw him wear.

As we set the palace aflame, I knew the last whispers of him were going up in smoke. Traces of me did, too. Traces of so many people and our cheerful, busy lives there. It was such a desperate day, when the castle burned.

I knew even as I asked Kansuke to come to my room there was a chance he would not. And I knew even if he did that he might not come back to me after. I let myself dream but kept my wishes dreams, not hopes. Still, I was deeply saddened. I wonder how he felt as he died. I wonder how it happened— he was so very quick, so very sure of his body. I wonder if he looked at the mark he let me make. I don’t think our time together meant little to him or that he let me make that mark just for me. But I wonder if he thought of me. Before the end. At the end.

I thought of him. Often. Before and after I learned what happened. Sometimes he was in my dreams, free with his little smiles, holding me. Lovely dreams.

When Shingen forced the maids to abandon service and return to their families, I bartered the fine haori for safe passage into a western province. The packet of herbs is in my own chest of drawers, now. I still don’t know what they are. Their smell has grown faint.

The first time I saw cinnamon quills, I smelled the apple and mint of Kansuke’s breath instead of their own sharp, sweet smell. When I make soba or use fresh miso paste, when I am near a forest of young trees, when dusk turns the world purple; I have the colors of him then. I rub the fingers of one hand together, trying to replicate or recall the unparalleled smoothness of his skin. I say a prayer for the peace his soul deserves.

My time in this life is almost done. With my remaining days, all I can do is try.