#i started and restarted it three nights in a row

[marierosejosephtascher]

I hate the last Fantastic Beasts movie, because it has Jude Law and Mads Mikkelsen playing exes but the plot/writing is so bad that I can't even enjoy it. 😭😭😭😭

[nervousimposter]

Eddie started finding notes in his locker his sophomore year. The first couple of them, he just tossed without reading. He didn’t need to read what those asshole bullies wanted to say about him. But curiosity won out after two weeks of constant notes and he finally opened one. It was the single most impactful thing he’d ever read. 

I think you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen. 

He kept that note. And every other note he got from that point on. If anyone were to ask Eddie what he regretted most in his life, it would be those two weeks of notes he tossed without reading. Ten slips of paper with unknown writing that he wishes he could get back. Add them to his ‘mystery boys notes’ box. And he was a mystery, the note writer. Anonymous. Unknown. Impossible to catch. 

Eddie held out for a month. A whole month before he decided to stage a stake out. He watched his locker like a hawk. In between classes, during classes, lunch, after school and even one absolutely horrible day where he came in an hour before school started. But the mystery boy had to be invisible. He never saw anyone approach his locker but his daily note was always there. And Eddie; poor, unfortunate, infatuated Eddie dealt with mystery boys’ notes from ‘82 to ‘85. Four agonizing years of the most heart-warming, loving notes. 

I wish I was as brave as you.

Did you change your shampoo? Your hair looked so soft today.

God, your eyes have to be the biggest fucking eyes I’ve ever seen. So pretty.

I like how long your hair is getting. 

Saw you walking down the hall today and I’ve never wanted to kiss someone more. 

They started cute. Compliments here and there, even a doodle every once in a while. Hearts and smiley faces. But as the months and years went by, the mystery boy got deeper. Confessions and secrets. 

I think if I had a different dad, we would’ve been best friends.

Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never talked to?

I dream about us. 

I’m a boy. I’m sorry.

I want to hold your hand. Those rings are something else. 

I saw you trying to catch me. Adorable.

I wish I could take you on a date. Not give a shit what my dad would say or what people would think. 

I wish I could be brave enough to talk to you. 

You’re still the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.

I’m graduating this year. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. I think I’m going to try to figure out a way to keep dropping these off next year. I don’t want you to forget about me.

The notes didn’t continue when the school year started. Eddie was embarrassed to admit he cried that first night. He wasn’t sure how the mystery boy was going to be able to get the notes to him but he fully believed it was going to happen. He went five weeks with no daily note in his locker. And then, it showed up on a Monday. He almost missed it, the tiny slip of paper. 

Sorry this took so long. Had to figure out how I was going to sneak these in here. I don’t think I’ll be able to call you pretty every day of the week this time around but I’m going to try my best! 

And mystery boy was right. The notes were always there on Monday. Just Monday. But Eddie didn’t complain. One note a week after five weeks of nothing almost had his heart bursting from his chest. It also narrowed down his search. Sort of. Mystery boy was either coming in on those Mondays to drop off the note, sneaking in on the weekends when the school was empty OR after school on Fridays. And look, he’s failed to graduate high school two times in a row now but he wasn’t stupid. Did it take him three months after the notes to start again for him to realize who it was? Yes but to be fair, for two of those months it was Eddie wallowing in denial. 

Five weeks into school was when he restarted Hellfire. Three weeks before that was when he brought in those new little freshman sheepies. The same freshman sheepies that got picked up by Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who graduated last year. Steve Harrington who he catches staring at him from his beemer in the parking lot every Friday night before he takes the kiddies home. Steve who he categorizes as someone who is so far out of his league that it just couldn’t be him. But it’s been three months and there isn’t any other former Hawkins high student running around in or near the school. And now that Eddie’s almost certain Steve has been mystery boy these past few years, he can’t wait. He’s been in love with a figure made out of slips of paper for four years and his nonexistent patience has truly run thin.  

He calls for a break 15 minutes before they normally end their sessions. Tells the boys he needs to run to the bathroom and almost sprints out the door. His locker sits in the hallway just around the corner of the drama room. The door closing shut echos through the empty hallways, alongside the squeaks coming from his shoes as he hustles towards his locker. He freezes as soon as he turns the corner. 

Steve probably only had 30 seconds after hearing the door open and shut to process what he was going to do. He could’ve run or hid, maybe pretend like he just needed the bathroom while he waited. But Eddie watched him pause as they made eye contact instead. Watched as Steve looked him up and down. Watched him relax and lean back against the lockers behind him with a lazy smirk. His arm slowly moved up and Eddie could see a slip of paper held between his fingers. Steve didn’t break eye contact with him at all as he proceeded to shove the paper between the vents of his locker. They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Staring. Broken when Steve pushed himself off the wall and walked towards him. He didn’t stop. Side stepped around Eddie before they could collide. A faint brush of his fingers along the back of his hand as he walked past him. And Eddie just watched him pass. Just like he watched him slip that note in his locker, he watched Steve walk back down the hall and out the front doors.

He waited only five seconds after the doors closed behind Steve before he jogged over to his locker. Grabbed the note and shoved it into his pocket before running back over to the drama room. Told the guys that they stopped at a decent spot and would meet again next Friday. Walked with them to the parking lot to head home. To catch a glimpse of Steve. And there he was, sitting in his beemer, staring again. This time though, Eddie smiled at him. He smiled at him and pulled the note out of his pocket. Opened it right there in the parking lot while he stared back at Steve. It only took him a few seconds to glance down to read. And as soon as he did, he threw his head back and laughed. Cackled really. He looked back at the beemer and saw Steve with the widest grin. Watched him lift his fingers off the steering wheel and wiggle them at him before he started pulling out of the lot. He looked back down at the note in his hand and chuckled again. Who knew Steve Harrington knew DnD well enough to draw a perfect rendition of an eight sided dice?

Wanna go on a d8? - Steve Harrington xxx-xxx-xxxx

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now — Ch. 3

Fic Masterlist

Sorry I ghosted last week! This chapter is (unintentionally) twice the usual size, though, so I’m forgiving myself. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster, just remember that it’ll get worse before it gets better.

Warnings: NSFW, cursing, mentions of bullying, anxiety attack, bitter exes.

Word count: 5,9k

Aelin’s whole body startled before she gained consciousness of what was going on.

She didn’t know what woke her up, her classmate’s hurried taps or Rowan’s intense eyes on her.

The last thing she remembered was one sergeant telling their next instructor couldn’t make it, so they’d have an hour free. Aelin had woken up at 3 am to study Military Law today, so she thought it’d be a good idea to set a timer for 50 minutes and take a nap.

Rowan‘s class was scheduled for later, what the fuck was he doing here this soon?

His gaze lingered on her for a beat that felt like a month. Maybe like the month and a half since that night. Then it landed on the guy in front of Aelin.

"What happened with your beard?" Was the first thing he said. His voice alarmed the whole class, it sounded like a threat one is barely trying to hide.

Aelin couldn't see the recruit’s expression, but she had a good view of the way his shoulders tensed. He looked around. "I- um-"

"Don't look around, look at me!" Rowan shouted, making many eyes go wide. "What the fuck happened to your beard!?"

"The- the razor was a little dull, so I-"

But Rowan wasn't listening. Probably because he didn't care.

No, he was slowly, threatengly walking around to examine each person in the room and pointing out the ones with something wrong about their uniform. Anything, really. He must have a hawk eyesight to notice some of the mistakes he pointed out.

He looked angry, she thought. Aelin didn’t know which state was the class when he walked in, since everyone was already frozen in place when she woke up.

When the people he selected were out of their perfectly aligned rows, Rowan crossed his arms and roared, "ON THE FLOOR, NOW!"

A few jumped to a plank position, ready to start. Others just stared, gawking.

Rowan rested his hands on his hips and stood face to face with one person who didn't move.

"Did I fucking stutter? ON. THE. FLOOR. NOW!"

Everyone followed suit this time, so he started to count.

"One, two, three, four..."

He stopped counting when he noticed someone in the wrong position. He was not in a straight line, so his butt was sticking out. Aelin held on a grimace while Rowan was going his way.

"Do you call that a push-up?"

On the man's side, Rowan's boot pressed against his low back to correct his position.

"How do you expect to be in the Air Force if you can't to a fucking push-up!?" He barked at no one in particular. "The body stays in one line." He poked at someone's arm with his boot, only enough to bring attention. "And watch those elbows! You're not a frog!"

He was still looking around, searching for any flaw in those push-ups. "Pathetic," he spat. "Spineless and pathetic." Rowan rested his foot on another person's back and announced, "I'm starting again! Until y'all stop training like teenagers! One, two, three..."

Aelin could only blink, trying to process this.

Then she forced herself to snap out of that shock. Her great-uncle was a brigadier, for Mala's sake. She knew better than to be surprised. Besides, what did she expect? A little love letter from hot lieutenant saying that he also couldn't forget their night together? Absolutely not.

If Aelin was there to learn the basics of military life until she could work at the hospital, so be it. She was going to kick basic training's ass.

"But we can't keep all the fun to ourselves, right?" Rowan snarled. He looked around the ones with the correct uniform, that kept only watching chaos unfold. "Everyone else on the floor!” He restarted counting, ”One, two, three..."

She was so ready for this. She'd absolutely nail this.

Except that it didn't take long for her to grow annoyed at Rowan's voice counting and barking orders non-stop.

And after Mala knows how long, Aelin came to one conclusion.

She was so fucked.

That was the only thing in her mind as she trained. Even when she felt like her lungs would give out or her legs would soon turn to ashes, Rowan’s scolding was still flawlessly echoing through her ears.

When he wrapped things up, her shoulders almost dropped in relief. They would, if Rowan wouldn’t give her a hard time about posture. This class was longer than usual because he was using the missing instructor’s time along with his own. Also because she started feeling like dying around the fourth minute of so, so many.

“Who’s today’s class leader?” He asked before dismissing everyone.

Aelin’s spine went rigid. Every day, a different recruit was picked to be the class leader. They said it was to learn about leadership and how to cooperate together. In practice, it basically meant she’d lead the class while marching.

Everyone looked at Aelin, and she raised an arm. “It’s me, sir.”

Rowan sighed, as if he couldn’t believe he had to deal with her more than he was obligated to.

“You have 15 minutes to show up at my office.”

Which meant she had 15 minutes to get her things, take a shower, get in another uniform and find his office.

She did it in 13 minutes, though.

Rowan’s office was simple and neat, but at least the chairs were comfortable. After she knocked and he told her to come in, silence took over. They sat one in front on the other, the only sound in the room being Aelin testing the squeak of the chair by repeatedly leaning against it. Annoyingly, by the stiff expression Rowan wore.

“I think you already know what I’m going to say to you.”

She shrugged. “You’ll tell me to pretend it never happened?”

“Excuse me?” His tone was sharper than she predicted. Was he that eager to fuck her again?

Aelin leaned back and suppressed a smile when the chair squeaked again. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind a round two, but I understand that things just got complicated.”

Oh, she definitely wouldn’t mind hitting that again. Besides, she’d work at the hospital in ten weeks. It’s not like they’d need to see each other every day after.

He sighed. “I’m talking about what just happened, Aelin. You were today’s class leader.”

Aelin frowned. “Which means I’m in charge of the drill commands while marching—“

“It means you have to lead them throughout the day. When there’s no instructor, you don’t just take a nap and let everyone run wild!”

When she crossed her arms and glared, trying to think of a retort, Rowan looked up for a second and took a deep breath.

“I know you must struggle being one of the few women in your class, but—“

“Struggle?” She cut in, eyebrows raised. ”Why would I struggle?”

“It’s a common issue among female officers—“

“That’s not an issue, sir.“ Aelin leaned closed and lowered her tone of voice. “I’m more alpha than most of these men, you probably know that already.”

“Then act like it.“ He didn’t look impressed.

Aelin got up and slowly rounded his desk, until she was standing on Rowan’s side. “You’d really like that, wouldn’t you?”

He looked at her up and down, swallowed, then looked away a second too late. “That’s inappropriate behavior, Galathynius.“ 

Positioned between him and his desk, she tilted her head. “And what? You’re gonna punish me?”

“I’m not afraid to,” he immediately answered, but his tone had an edge to it.

Aelin’s eyes sparkled. She had no idea if he was answering to her innuendo or talking about her relations to his superiors, but she was horny enough to jump to conclusions. She knew he was hesitant, though.

Anything happening between them wouldn’t be exactly against the rules, even though it would be frowned upon.

But having sex inside a military base? They’d be fucked if anyone found out.

Aelin was beyond caring by now, and she had a suspicion Rowan was holding tight to whatever shreds of conscience he had.

She held both hands on the desk behind her, thrusting her chest out. Rowan’s gaze was shameless as it burned through her, his eyes darkening every inch. He looked at her as if he remembered everything she had under that uniform, and just the thought of it made her press her legs together.

“You know, I thought it’d be easier to get you to fuck me after you got your cock that deep into my throat.”

When Rowan finally looked into her eyes, she knew she’d won. He placed a hand on her knee and caressed the inner part with his thumb, but it was enough to send a spark through her body.

“Can I touch you?” He quietly asked. However, the intense look on his green eyes betrayed the strained politeness on his tone of voice.

How gentlemanly of him. Didn’t even sound like the man who climbed her uncle’s fence to fuck her until dawn.

“Oh, you definitely can’t.” Aelin had a triumphant grin on. “But I want you to.”

Rowan’s eyes combusted into hers, and her smile grew. In that millisecond, Aelin knew she had just ripped off his conscience with her teeth.

He got up from that chair in a swift motion, standing just one breath away from her.

“Let’s see how much you want me,” he taunted before taking her pants and panties down all at once, so roughly one button flew away.

Without wasting a second, he inserted two fingers between her folds and plunged in, making her choke a sob. Rowan’s thumb started working on her clit to soothe her from that sudden move, but he scooted closer and whispered, “You were already soaked when I started, baby. I could put a third finger and you wouldn’t even feel it.”

Aelin whimpered. He made her taste herself in his fingers, then kissed her when she licked his index and middle finger the way she’d to another member of his. Rowan cradled her head in a commanding, bruising kiss. He kissed like he could unravel her whole with his lips. He kissed her like he thought he’d never see her again. Aelin pressed her hips against his, moaning, and he moved his mouth to the shell of her ear.

“Were you thinking about me?”

Aelin nodded.

“Use your words, baby. Were you thinking about me?”

She looked deep into his eyes, smirking like the devil. “Yes, sir.”

Rowan’s gaze burned into her while he brought his hand to her neck, squeezing just enough to make her ache for him even more. “Is that why you came to my office begging for my cock like the little slut you are?”

“Yes, sir,” she whimpered.

Before she could think, he turned her around and pressed her against his desk, laying on her stomach with her ass up. The sound of his zipper was the only warning she got before Rowan pushed himself inside her all the way, stretching her whole in one swift motion.

Aelin cried out, cursing. It was the most delicious kind of pain.

He gave her a few seconds to adjust and muffled her cries with his hand, probably afraid someone would hear from the outside.

She bit his hand to speak when he started on a languid pace, but Rowan spanked her ass before she could open her mouth. The pain from that smack spread under her skin, making her wiggle her hips against him even more.

“Don’t bite me,” he warned.

“But you loved it last time.”

He gave one ruthless thrust as a warning, and that sweet ache made her sob. God, she loved Rowan’s punishments.

“Condom,” she rasped, finally remembering what she was going to say.

He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back until he was close to her ear. “I don’t bring condoms to work, baby. You think I fuck every slut that comes into my office?”

Rowan started thrusting in a merciless rhythm, making Aelin’s legs shake.

Aelin did a mental note to see on her period app if she needed to take a Plan B pill. These things were hormone bombs, but she wasn’t on birth control. She had mostly stopped sleeping around after uni, and Dorian has a vasectomy. These days, the only reason Aelin even used condoms was to prevent STDs.

When Rowan hit a spot that made her see stars, Aelin relaxed on the desk and let herself be fucked senseless by him, relishing on the sound of their hips snapping together and his low grunts.

Of all the times people had reckless sex, how many actually led to a baby?

Exactly.

And knowing Aelin’s luck, she knew things would turn out her way. They always did.

***

The shade of Rowan’s hair never let Aelin know which strands were in its natural shade, and which ones were grayer because of Maisie. Or work. Maybe Aelin herself.

The dark circles under his eyes weren’t that static, though. Over time, she had seen them go from almost invisible to a purplish shade that didn’t sit well with his tan skin. Aelin always thought it was a shame seeing a face like his looking so worn out. But today? Today it looked like exhaustion itself had beaten him up from the outside in, not the other way around.

Aelin knew she should keep their interactions to a minimum, but she couldn’t help herself.

“You look like shit, Rowan.”

”Gee, thanks.”

Aelin wriggled in her seat, knowing she should keep her mouth shut. It did nothing to stop her.

“Elide was grouchy today. She said you’re ruining her sex life.”

He laughed, but there was a bitter edge to it. “How so?”

Aelin fully turned to him from the passenger side. “Were you really watching a recorded livestream about ADHD until late with Lorcan last night?”

He opened his mouth to retort, then closed again. A moment later, he said, “In my defense, now I’m convinced she doesn’t have it. And Lorcan thought it was enlightening.”

“Ellie’s a psychiatrist, Rowan. If any of the kids were showing signs of it, she would tell—“

“Is she willing to give me an hour-long lesson about it? Because the Instagram doctor—“

“Rowan, are you listening to yourself?”

“What?” He snapped.

“Do you know what I do every time you send me an article about diabetes in children?”

“You read it?”

“No. I give her ice cream.”

He gripped the steering wheel tighter. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not. I fill her pink unicorn bowl with chocolate ice cream, and I enjoy it.”

He clenched his jaw. “You know damn well my dad’s diabetic—“

“You’ll drive yourself fucking insane if you keep this way, Rowan,” she barked. “This is my weekend with Maisie. Do you at least have plans to take fucking a nap?”

Rowan stopped at a red light and narrowed his eyes at her. “I have walls to fix.”

Aelin sighed. “You can’t let her draw on every wall you own.”

“She’s expressing herself through art.”

“You did not just say that.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! You’re just an engineer who traumatizes young people for a living, of course that line came out of your mouth.”

Rowan rolled his eyes. “Okay, I heard it from a pediatrician. Happy now?”

When she saw the school’s front, Aelin knew she had to wrap this up quick.

“And not Maisie’s pediatrician, because—“

“Because it was from one of the pediatricians I follow online! What is your point?”

“My point—“ Aelin stopped herself when her voice got too loud. She took a deep breath and started again, in a calmer tone. “My point is that you can’t know everything about every specialty child-related just in case your one kid needs it. You can’t be Maisie’s dad 24/7.”

“But I am Maisie’s dad 24/7.”

“When was the last time you talked to Lorcan about something that wasn’t kid-related?” She tried a different approach. When Rowan opened his mouth, she added, “Doesn’t count if it happened while you were watching the kids.”

He shut his mouth and didn’t answer.

She knew it.

When was the last time you went on a date?, was on the tip of her tongue, just to finish proving her point, but Aelin didn’t dare say it out loud.

Her guess would be at least last year, from one time she caught Fenrys trying to play cupid, but it probably wasn’t serious. Their rule was that they’d have to meet the other person before Maisie, but it hasn’t happened yet. For neither of them.

Rowan parked his car, quiet as a mouse. Deep down, he knew he was overexerting himself. And it wasn’t Aelin’s job to worry about him, but she had learned the hard way how important it was to take care of herself so she could take good care of Maisie. Their daughter was the only reason she was concerned. It’s not like Aelin would care about her ex-fling from five years ago. Absolutely not.

Aelin frowned when Maisie came their way with a different change of clothes. It was the second time since starting preschool, and she never peed herself at home. She remembered her daughter always complained about going to school, and wondered if she should start sending Maisie with pull-ups until she finished adapting to that new environment.

After Maisie greeted them both, Rowan crouched and asked, “What happened to Fleetfoot, Mais?”

Aelin’s eyebrows shot up. Fleetfoot was a golden plastic dog Maisie made Rowan buy at a 99 cents store, but she loved it more than many of the expensive toys her family showered her with. She took that miniature puppy everywhere.

Maisie raised her hand and looked at Fleetfoot. Half of its plastic tail was missing, and just the sight of it made her lips wobble and brought moisture to her big green eyes. Rowan immediately hugged her and started soothing his daughter, but Aelin looked around, searching for the teacher’s assistant that always stood outside.

Something was off, and Aelin would find out no matter what.

The TA looked frightened all the time and followed the teacher like a puppy, so it wasn’t hard to get information out of her.

And when Aelin did, she saw red.

She stormed through that school until she found the teacher, Lieutenant Maeve Valg, in a corridor close to the entrance.

“Inside,” Aelin growled and pointed to the empty classroom near them.

The only response was a raise of her eyebrows, somewhere between surprise and scorn, and entering to sit behind the teacher’s desk.

Aelin followed her and banged the door closed. She rested both hands on the table and leaned to get closer and look deep into Mrs. Valg’s eyes, her own slightly bulged. She could feel her blood pumping through her veins like her heart was on steroids, and if looks could kill, that fucking teacher would be on her grave already.

“Tell me why my daughter’s toy is broken.”

She leaned back in the chair, and Aelin felt like that woman’s dark eyes were reading into her soul. “Looks like you already know.”

“I want to hear it from your mouth.” Aelin’s nostrils flared.

The teacher tilted her head, assessing. “I see where Maisie gets that terrible behavior from.”

They were interrupted by the door abruptly being opened and slammed closed. Rowan stood there with crossed arms and eyes darting between the two of them. His glare was so sharp it could cut ice.

Lieutenant Valg sighed in what looked like relief. “Mr. Whitethorn, could you please make—“

“It’s Captain Whitethorn to you,” he commanded in a taut tone.

Aelin didn’t know if the TA told him what happened as well or if he just read too much into the room’s energy, but Rowan seemed pissed. He never used his high rank on people like this.

She glued her eyes back on the teacher and slapped the desk, then immediately pointed at Rowan. “Tell him why Maisie wet herself,” Aelin shouted.

Mrs. Valg held her chin high, but didn’t say a thing.

“I’m waiting, Lieutenant,” he said in a carefully controlled tone and walked closer to them.

His patience seemed to end when his request was met with silence.

“Do I need to remind you again that I outrank you, Lieutenant?” Rowan shouted, making Maeve’s eyes go wide. “If you don’t tell me what happened now, I’m putting you under restriction at the guardhouse, do you understand?”

Mrs. Valg paled, but she was still grinding her teeth together, shooting daggers at Rowan with her eyes. The guardhouse was basically jail, but for petty crimes inside the military. It was the biggest punishment someone could get before being kicked out.

“Your daughter is a little nightmare!” She spit out. “Every other kid was ready for nap time, and she wouldn’t stop playing with that stupid dog! I warned her one, two, three times, then I grabbed that ugly thing and threw across the room.” Mrs. Valg got up, her eyes jumping between Aelin and Rowan. “And then Maisie peed, but you think I enjoy sending my TA to clean the kids every time? It’s not my fault your daughter has a bad bladder,” she spat.

Aelin’s eyes grew with each sentence. When the teacher ended, the only thing she could hear was the muderous thoughts in her head and the pounding in her ears. She felt like her body was slowly being taken over by rage and the hammering flow of her pulse.

“Aelin, could you give me five minutes with Mrs. Valg and come back with Maisie, please?”

“Why—“

Rowan’s gaze was so intense it rendered Aelin speechless. His pine green eyes were being ruled by raw, cold fury, and it looked terrifying framed by all the blood that made his face look crimson. “We’re going to have a little chat, and then she’s going to apologize,” he slowly explained in a deadly tone. There was no arguing with the way he said it, and as much as Aelin wanted to scream and fight and pour all her anger into the teacher, Rowan was the one who could actually do something about what happened. He was a captain, after all.

Maisie was on the playground near the entrance, with a few other kids. Aelin quickly checked on her and if her daughter knew about the shitshow currently going on, she didn’t show.

Aelin never understood why Rowan didn’t want Maisie to be in the free preschool the Air Force provided for them, five minutes away from home.

She understood now.

Aelin’s throat closed when she remembered his words from one of the arguments they had about this. “I teach these Lieutenants myself, Aelin. I don’t trust Maisie around them.”

Her chest started feeling a little too tight, and she took a deep breath to recompose herself.

This was absolutely her fault.

There was no use in crying at the school playground, though.

On the way back to the classroom, Aelin was ready to go back if she heard screaming—there was no way she’d let Maisie see that—but the only sign that something had happened was the quiet whispers outside the classroom, and two people not so casually peering through the window.

If something exploded in there, Rowan kept his promise of doing it for five minutes only.

He looked absolutely unhinged, though. And the teacher looked white as a sheet, the armpits of her uniform sweaty.

Noticing the weird energy of the room, Maisie stiffened. “What’s going on?”

When Rowan heard his daughter’s voice, his whole demeanor changed. He didn’t relax, but still crouched on the floor and ran his fingers through one of her pigtails. “We were talking to Mrs. Valg about what happened today. She’s going to apologize for being disrespectful and hurting Fleetfoot.”

Maisie didn’t say a thing.

Neither did Mrs. Valg

“Seven days,” Rowan prompted.

Maeve’s jaw clenched.

“Fifteen days.”

She drew in a sharp breath.

“Twenty days.”

She swallowed.

Of, fuck. Was this how many days she was spending locked up in the guardhouse?

“Thirty—“

“I apologize.” Maeve spit out, eyes focused on Maisie.

The little girl took one step to the side and looked at her dad, but wouldn’t meet his eye. “It’s not Mrs. Valg’s fault,” the little girl quietly explained, ”I was being a bad kid.”

Aelin didn’t even register Maeve’s lips curling up, she dropped on her knees to talk to Maisie. Immediately. She didn’t know how to explain to a four-year-old that in this case she was expected to mess up, but not the teacher, but she would try until—

“Aelin?”

“What?” Aelin’s head snapped towards Rowan. He was sitting on the chair, clutching his chest. Oh, fuck.

“I might be having a heart attack.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

His eyes bulged, aimed at Aelin’s. “Do I need to call my ambulance myself?”

Aelin’s heart plummeted. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She called the hospital’s front desk as she got the car keys from Rowan’s pocket.

“Hi, this is Dr. Galathynius. I’m coming with a patient. I need a heart team by the side entrance in five minutes.”

˜˜

Dr. Cortland stared at Rowan’s exams with furrowed brows. “I don’t see anything.”

“Try harder.”

Aelin gave Rowan her mom look. She said with her eyes, Could you try to be polite?

He answered her look with another of his own. No. Can we see another doctor?

Aelin sighed and waited while Sam finished looking at Rowan‘s exams. He was still grouchy because of the situation at Maisie’s school, that was the only explanation. There was no way he could’ve known about the brief relationship she had with Sam a year ago.

“Nope,” Dr. Cortland concluded. “Your heart is looking so good you could even join the military.”

Rowan didn’t laugh.

“Maybe there’s something going on at work or at home?” Sam’s gaze slid to Aelin, a bitter smile on his lips. “How’s Maisie?”

Rowan gripped the arms of his chair. He growled, “Do you know her?”

“Can’t say I do, no.”

Aelin’s nostrils flared. Their relationship started going downhill when he asked to meet Maisie. Her daughter was very easygoing, but as a rule, she’d need to introduce him to Rowan first. Nope. Sam wanted too much too fast, and he never truly understood how hard it is to date as a single mom.

Rowan leaned back on his seat, but Aelin couldn’t say he was relaxed.

Dr. Cortland hummed. “Do you think there’s a chance this could be related to anxiety?”

“Absolutely not.”

Aelin tried not to cringe. Knowing Rowan, she wouldn’t discard anxiety that easily. But what does she know? Aelin fixed bones, anxiety was Elide’s specialty.

She politely dismissed herself, wanting to give Rowan privacy to discuss this with Sam. Actually, she didn’t even know what she was doing in that office. She brought him to the hospital and went with the flow, not even thinking that maybe she should have stayed back. The only doctors she needed to see with him were the ones who had Maisie as a patient, but Aelin didn’t think about that in the heat of the moment.

When she finally reached the conference room, Maisie was drawing with the intern Elide borrowed her for babysitting duty. The poor thing.

Her daughter looked up with big, expectant eyes when Aelin approached. “How’s Daddy’s heartbeep?”

“It’s good. Your dad’s fine.” A pause. “And it’s heartbeat,” she corrected.

Maisie frowned. “That’s what I said.”

The stubborn little thing. For the first time in a while, Aelin felt like smiling. Until she remembered the conversation wasn’t over.

“Do you know that feeling when you get scared and your heart beats really fast?”

Maisie solemnly nodded. “Like when Uncle Aedion lets me go on the big slide at the pool.”

“He does what?”

Maisie’s eyes widened. “Let’s talk about Daddy.”

Aelin sighed. She had no idea how to explain an anxiety attack to a kid.

“The doctor said he’s good, Mais. He was probably just feeling scared.”

Her daughter chewed on her lip and nodded, understanding. “Daddy never does scary things. It must be confusing for him.”

Aelin let out a soft, watery chuckle and kissed Maisie’s forehead. “That’s right, baby.”

“Not a baby!” Her daughter complained.

After Rowan was done and Aelin thanked Elide’s intern for babysitting, they had one of the quietest car rides she’d ever witnessed.

Aelin still drove to her house, but when Rowan got off his car just to go back in and drive away, Maisie watched the path he went with a longing gaze.

“I want to go with Daddy.”

Aelin crouched by her daughter’s side. “You’ve already spent last weekend with him, Mais.”

“But what if he gets sick again?” She mused with furrowed brows.

Scratching her forehead, Aelin sighed.

Rowan would be alone at home, no Maisie to keep him up. He’d think. He’d worry. He’d create worst-case scenarios for every consequence of this day.

“You want to spend the night at your dad’s and come back tomorrow morning?”

Maisie nodded, her eyes eager.

“Then go pick some toys to take there, okay?”

She rushed to her room without question, leaving Aelin a small window to pack two bags. One for Maisie, another for herself. She wouldn’t keep Maisie here worrying about her dad, but what if something really happened to Rowan while he was alone with Maisie? Fuck, no.

Aelin’s pack was a lot simpler than Maisie’s. Something to sleep on, her toothbrush. She could survive one night without her skincare routine. Her gaze landed on a little box on a tall shelf.

She grabbed a tissue and enveloped two pills in it. One sleeping pill and the antidepressant tablet she needed to take with breakfast. It wasn’t a big deal, and her depressive episodes only got easier to deal with time. She just didn’t want Rowan—or a judge—finding out about it. She had seen parents losing custody for a lot less.

Not that she thought Rowan would take her to court anytime soon. In fact, he was adamant that they didn’t need lawyers when they first decided to co-parent Maisie.

But Aelin had very little room for mistakes when it came to her daughter. Besides, Rowan did criticize her parenting on a daily basis.

For now, everything was under control. He doesn’t care about her, and it doesn’t affect Maisie. There was no need for him to know about her antidepressants.

Aelin still waited a little longer to go. Maisie liked taking her time picking her toys.

Just like her dad, the intrusive thought came as quickly as it went away.

She grabbed Maisie’s hand and they went by foot. Rowan lived so close it wasn’t even worth it to get a bike, he was always one small block away.

Aelin tried to open his door, but it was locked. She frowned.

They lived in a military housing complex, right next to the Air Force base. Who the hell locked doors here? This was the safest it could get.

Rowan appeared a second later, and the confused look she saw him wearing through the window was almost comical.

“What’s going on?”

Aelin shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. “Just making sure Mais doesn’t become half-orphan.”

He shifted on his feet. “You don’t have to.” Something charged passed behind Rowan’s eyes. Aelin looked away.

“I know.” She swallowed and entered the house a second later, without invitation. It wasn’t her job to read into Rowan’s feelings, so she wouldn’t.

The first thing Aelin did was go into Fenrys’ old room and put the bedsheets she brought from home. He moved out years ago, so it meant only half of the STDs this bed used to have were still lingering. It’d have to do.

She found them in the kitchen, Rowan gathering supplies while Maisie painted her coloring book at the other end of the table.

Aelin grabbed the first knife she saw and pointed at him. Rowan didn’t look surprised.

“Sit.”

He leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “I would, but I’m not mentally ready to dine a microwave meal.”

Aelin narrowed her eyes. She knew about all the drowsiness and fatigue that came after an anxiety attack. Rowan should be resting, not playing chef.

“I can use a pan,” she spit out, then looked at his pans. For fuck’s sake, why did he have so many? Aelin picked one she didn’t know the exact purpose, but would do. “This one, for example, is perfect for making pasta. I’m making pasta tonight.”

When Rowan opened his mouth, Maisie beat him to it.

“Mommy.”

Both of them turned to her.

“I think we should let Daddy make dinner,” she politely insisted in a matter-of-fact tone.

Aelin’s jaw went slack.

Did she just say Rowan makes better dinner? In her face?

By the triumphant grin he wore, Maisie did.

”You can cut the vegetables,” he offered.

Aelin squinted her eyes and sat on the table, begrudgingly accepting the role of sous-chef.

Silence took over, and she couldn’t stop thinking about what happened today. That bully teacher. Rowan going to the hospital. She swallowed a lump in her throat. It was her fault.

Aelin was stubborn, but she’d be damned if she’d let her little girl go near that teacher ever again.

“Maisie?”

Her daughter hummed.

“There’s this other school your Aunt Sellene told your dad about. I was thinking we should take a look there on Monday. We could go to Skull’s Bay when we’re done.”

The pirate-themed restaurant she loved to go to. She looked at Rowan to see if he looked mad that she decided this without telling him, but his eyes looked soft. There was even a tiny tilt in the corner of his lip.

That wasn’t Maisie’s reaction, though.

“I don’t need school.”

Just like that, Rowan’s soft moment ended.

“And why’s that?” He demanded, arms crossed.

Their daughter dropped her colored pencil and fully turned to her dad. “Because I’m a smartie about everything.” A pause. “Duh!”

Rowan clamped his lips together, trying to keep a straight face, and Aelin’s reaction was pretty much the same. If they laughed, Maisie would think she won this argument.

Aelin took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, and thought of a good argument to beat this one.

“You’re right, kiddo. You’re too smart for your own good.” Aelin heavily sighed, letting her daughter think she had the upper hand. “I guess I‘ll have to call Aunt Sellene and tell you won’t be joining Bree at school.”

Breanna, Sellene’s daughter. She and Maisie were thick as thieves.

“Wait.”

Aelin and Rowan exchanged a look. They were so close.

Maisie continued, “You didn’t tell I’d play with Bree.”

Rowan continued to prepare dinner, pretending this wasn’t a big deal. “You’d play with Bree every day. I’d make sure you two stay in the same class.”

The little girl fidgeted with her pencil, brows furrowed. Aelin would pay good money to know what was going on inside her head, but it wasn’t too difficult to tell.

“I’ll think about it,” was the only thing she said before going back to her drawing.

The stubbornness was one of the few traits Maisie inherited that couldn’t be blamed on one parent. She had gotten it from both of them.

“I’ll think about it”? In Maisie language, that was very close to becoming a Yes.

Not that the kid had much of a choice here, but it was best to let her think she did.

Rowan seemed think the same thing as her. His surprised look turned triumphant when their gazes met, and when his slightly parted lips reshaped themselves into a smile, Aelin grinned back.

This day had been hell, so she’d enjoy this small win.

A/N: I highly recommend reading the bonus chapter 3.5 before reading chapter 4

A/N 2: I promise I won’t hurt baby Maisie ever again! I did it for the plot!!

TAG LIST

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[theshowliveontour]

Niall Horan‘s inaugural Melbourne show on The Show tour at Rod Laver Arena marked a monumental milestone in his solo career journey. Having risen from his One Direction roots, Niall has solidified himself as a formidable solo artist with three studio albums to his name, amassing a dedicated and loyal fanbase.

This concert, selling out two nights at Melbourne’s iconic venue, Rod Laver Arena, was not just a musical event but a testament to Niall’s connection with Melbourne, a city he considers a second home. The diverse demographic, comprising seasoned Directioners and newer enthusiasts who may not have witnessed the band’s glory days, contributed to an atmosphere charged with excitement and anticipation. As someone who still has a strong case of One Direction Infection, missing this show was out of the question.

British singer-songwriter Birdy opened the night, creating an incredible pairing with her timeless talent. I’ve been a fan of Birdy since her 2011 cover of Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love” went viral when she was just fourteen years old. Her elegant stage presence and brief yet sweet set, although mostly covers including her breakout hit “Skinny Love,” were still a beautiful addition to the evening.

The pre-concert setlist set the perfect vibe, getting the crowd hyped for the main event. The energy was infectious, with everyone radiating joy and happiness. The stage design, featuring old-fashioned curtains and retro graphics in line with his album The Show, added a nostalgic touch to the experience. Niall’s entrance with the hit single “Nice To Meet Ya” was very fitting, and had the crowd moving and grooving.

Seeing Niall take the stage at a venue where I once stood front row during One Direction’s prime was incredibly special. He expressed his heartfelt gratitude for his Melbourne fans, emphasising the city’s significance to him. Having briefly lived in Melbourne post-One Direction’s breakup in 2015, and frequently visiting for extended periods due to family ties, he shared a candid moment saying, “I’ve seen many an Aus Open Grand Final in this very arena – just over there.” He admitted to feeling nervous before the show, attributing it to a sense of homecoming. Reflecting on his boyband days, he briefly mentioned, “Ah, the memories we’ve had in this city, the shows we played, the stadiums we filled…” That moment struck an emotional chord with me, to say the least!

Niall’s band were stellar, and brought a unique folky rock element to the night, especially shining during the acoustic set with “Put A Little Love On Me” and “This Town.”

“You Could Start A Cult” saw Niall take to the stage alone with his guitar- a truly raw and lovely moment. Noticing that a fan needed medical attention, he stopped the show and ensured they got help. When it was safe to do so, he restarted the song and the magic was still there- a testament to the incredible performer he is.

It is well-known that each former One Direction member usually sings one or two One Direction tracks. With the hit single “Night Changes” on his setlist for this tour, fans were shocked and over the moon when the familiar sound of the deep cut “Stockholm Syndrome” started instead. For a moment, I forgot what year it was and fully embraced my sixteen year-old self. He absolutely did the track justice, and Melbourne was treated to a really beautiful moment!

He also treated the Melbourne audience to “Paper Houses” a fan-favourite from his debut solo album, and the first time playing it live in Australia on this tour.

After engaging with fans, reading signs, and even accepting gifts, Niall returned for an electrifying encore. “Save My Life” and the hit single “Slow Hands” wrapped up the night on a high note, leaving everyone buzzing with excitement and euphoria.

The Show was a perfect blend of nostalgia, musical brilliance, and Niall’s genuine appreciation for his fans. His vocals were outstanding, stage presence was infectious and his band was next-level. Whether you’re a longtime Directioner or a new fan of Horan’s solo hits, there’s a little something for everyone at The Show.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

FIVE STARS (OUT OF FIVE)

Niall’s latest album, The Show, is out now through Capitol Records.

[vro0m]

vro0m's rewatch - 170/332

2016 Chinese GP

Okay so they reverted back to the old quali format, Lewis had a problem with his PU and he's last on the grid meanwhile Nico is on pole for the first time of the year… He's sharing the first row with Ricciardo. Raikkonen is behind them alongside Seb. Valtteri is fifth, then it's Kvyat, Perez, Sainz, Verstappen and Massa. 

From the drivers' truck Lewis tries to say hi to the crowd but they can't hear him. Johnny asks if he's ready for the race and Lewis says he doesn't have a choice. It reminds him of going to races with his dad and a shit car and starting from the back but this time he has a good car.

It's gonna be a challenge but he'll give it everything he's got. He hopes it's entertaining because he doesn't plan on staying where he is.

He knows he has great fans who will be on that journey with him. Johnny asks what result he'd be happy with today. Lewis says with a laugh normally you're never happy with anything other than first.

But considering where he's starting he just wants to make sure he gets points. He acknowledges the work his guys put in the night before, putting the car back together, so getting the most possible points is a reward for that. 

The build up isn't very interesting. There's a segment about Haas' good results in their first two races, and an Alonso interview

They're on the way to the grid. Crofty says nobody has ever won from the back of the grid, but John Watson, in 1983, started 22nd, so same as Lewis that day, and won. At the time, there were 28 drivers total. 

Okay. It's time for the race. 

They are racing! 

Ricciardo overtakes Nico while I see Lewis overtake at least two cars at the back. The Ferraris struggle! They got very close and Kvyat overtook them both. AND THERE IS CONTACT BETWEEN THE TWO FERRARIS! Oh it's chaos, the top 10 is in shambles. Apparently Lewis also got damage? HE LOST HIS FRONT WING omg. It's stuck under his car. Horrible horrible weekend. Seb is on the radio saying he made contact. He says the RedBull was coming up the inside "like a madman" and that's why he hit Raikkonen. At the end of the first lap, the order goes Daniel, Nico, Kvyat, Perez and Hulkenberg, Sainz, Massa, Seb, Jenson, and Valtteri. Raikkonen pits from P20 and Lewis is nowhere to be seen, unfortunately. Oh here he comes in as well. And Nico overtakes Ricciardo just as Ricciardo's tyre BLOWS UP! Completely delaminated 2013 style. Kvyat overtakes him as well, of course. And it's a safety car. There's too much debris on the track. That's good for Lewis because it brings him right back near the other cars but he's complaining of how the car feels. A bunch of people pit, of course. Including Seb. Loads of traffic in the pitlane. On the start replay we see Lewis ran over the debris from the Ferrari collision and then got hit by Nasr. We also see Seb overtaking two cars in the pitlane entry and then Lewis pits again?! They put him on supersofts now (he started on softs and then got back on softs after they changed his nose). I guess the idea is he needs to be able to overtake at the restart… On the radio, Bono says : "We have a plan, nothing wrong all part of the plan." – "Sorry I’m boxing again now?" he asks. OH MY GOD HE IS ACTUALLY PITTING AGAIN?! . "Affirm, we’re going to fit the soft so we don’t have to use any other compounds," Bono answers. It's not even lap 10 and they pitted him THREE TIMES already?! I mean I get it but it's not like he's gonna be able to do 50 laps on softs, is he?! Well I've shown over and over on this blog that I'm a terrible strategist so we'll wait and see and trust their experience but right now I'm mostly just baffled. Seb is still talking about the collision. "Kvyat's attack was suicidal, there was always going to be a crash. No way with the speed he had he could have done the corner." I haven't really watched the collision carefully so idk. I guess we'll see in the postrace. The journalists aren't convinced. Also Ted is about as convinced by Mercedes' strategy as I am because we get from the radio that they don't wanna use the mediums. Ted says getting to the end of the race only on soft tyres would probably necessitate 3 more stops, for a 6 stop strategy ultimately. So… Yeah… in the meantime we see all the traffic jam in the pitlane earlier. It's insane. Nowaday that would be a bunch of penalties. So many collisions were barely avoided. The safety car is about to come in. Here we go. Seb is making moves.

On lap 10, Nico is in the lead followed by Massa, Kvyat, Alonso, Wehrlein, Gutierrez, Perez, Valtteri, Pal ? Who's Pal? Oh it's Palmer, right, then Jenson is P10. Seb is currently P12, up two places in one lap I believe, Ricciardo is P15, Raikkonen is P18 and Lewis P19. And Seb overtakes Sainz for P11. Raikkonen overtook Magnussen for P17. Lewis overtakes him as well, quite aggressively. Seb is up in P10 in the meantime. Nico is cruising ahead but Valtteri attacks Perez who's on the tail of Gutierrez, Seb is just behind, now in P9, biding his time. LEWIS OVERTOOK RAIKKONEN! Good job. It would have been difficult having to follow him up the pack. Loads of action I can't keep up. Palmer and Ricciardo are battling over P12 and Ricciardo won, at least for now. Seb attacks Valtteri but can't quite make it. These four are very close to one another. Lewis is up in P15! Seb finally gets Valtteri for P8. Wehrlein is overtaken by Perez for P5, just as Seb makes up another place by getting ahead of Gutierrez. At the back Lewis overtook Palmer for P14. And as we're watching replays of his overtakes, Seb overtakes Wehrlein and puts himself in P6. Kvyat gets P2 by overtaking Massa and Lewis is P13 after getting Hulkenberg. Next step is Ricciardo. And here he attacks! Not enough yet… Daniel is also attacking Gutierrez for P11, they're wheel to wheel… It's done, down the inside, Lewis follows through and HE's now wheel to wheel with Gutierrez. But he has to wait for a couple more corners to do it from the outside. He's immediately catching Ricciardo. Seb overtakes Perez for P5! He's so close to Alonso he's basically tapping him on the shoulder. He attacks! He's ahead down the straight but Alonso gets the slipstream and tries to attack back. The straight is too short though. That's P4 for Seb. BUT OH HO some pieces flew off his car! Raikkonen pits. He wasn't able to follow Lewis up the field. Lewis overtakes Jenson for P10! He's 25 seconds away from Nico now. Alonso pits and that puts him on P9. Seb is chasing P3. Oh he pits. He's out behind Lewis, in P13. It might be interesting if they battle. But Lewis probably will pit as well. 

Alright that was a busy 10 laps, now we're on lap 20, and the top 10 currently reads Nico, Kvyat, Massa, Valtteri, Sainz, Oh but Kvyat pits wait. There's a three way fight between him as he gets out of the pits, Seb and Verstappen. So as I was saying. Nico, Bottas, Lewis now up in P3 somehow?????!?!? /? //// seriously what? Last I checked he was P9?! Anyway Jenson is P4, Kvyat P5, Verstappen P6, Seb P7 AND NICO PITS. So we wait again. And Seb overtook Verstappen and where is Kvyat?! I CAN'T KEEP UP. WAIT A SECOND SO I CAN RECAP THE TOP 10 PLEASE. Seb overtakes Jenson. 

SO. THE TOP 10. Nico, Valtteri, Lewis. Kvyat is now P4, Seb P5, Jenson P6, Perez P7, Massa P8, Ericsson P9, Alonso P10. No idea where Max went so I guess he pitted. Someone is being investigated for driving too slowly in the pitlane but I don't remember who and now we're informed some unsafe release concerning Perez will be investigated after the race. Lewis pits! He's now P14… P13. P12. P11. He attacks Raikkonen for P10. There's a three way battle for P5 between Perez, Valtteri and Jenson. A bit later, Raikkonen overtakes Jenson for P9, and then Lewis as well as he pits. He's back in the points! He attacks Raikkonen again! He still can't make it, Raikkonen is making it hard. But Perez pits so that's P9 anyway. 

That's lap 30. Nico is still ahead of course, followed by Kvyat again, and Seb. Massa and Valtteri are next, then Daniel, Sainz, Raikkonen and Lewis, P10 is Verstappen. On the radio we just hear Lewis say "I am." which is confusing. The transcript shows it was in answer to Bono telling him to give it everything he has. Oh yeah NOW we hear the complete exchange. He pits again and this time it's for the mediums so what was the point of the weird strategy earlier? He's back in P10 quickly enough but as the commentators– well it's P9 now. As the commentators point out though, most people ahead of him will not pit again so he's gonna have to work for it on track. Again. Kvyat and Seb pit. Nico pits but literally nobody cares at this point. There's a battle for P3 between Kvyat, Raikkonen and Seb. Seb overtakes Raikkonen pretty quickly and then Kvyat in about as little time. He's P3. Raikkonen pits. 

On lap 40, Nico, Seb, Kvyat. Four way battle for P4 between Max, Massa, Valtteri and Lewis. Daniel is P8, Perez P9– Massa overtakes Verstappen and Verstappen pits, Lewis attacks Valtteri, P5 ! Daniel is getting into the action as well. Oh that's an easy overtake on Valtteri, dangerous for Lewis. His tyres are fresher. But Valtteri strikes back! Oh he can't… ohhh there we go Daniel is right on Lewis… He defends, he defends, but Daniel has the pace… Lewis locks up again… He's looking for a way past Massa… and Daniel overtakes him. Now he's under pressure from Raikkonen… he's attacking Massa but can't make it and now Raikkonen is attacking him! 10 laps to go. He attacks again… Yeah. That's another lost place. Raikkonen overtakes Massa as well and Lewis is back to chasing the Williams. 5 laps to go now. The ending is pretty anticlimactic. 

And it's the end of the race. 

Nico wins again. In the end the rest of the top 10 was Seb, Kvyat, Daniel, Raikkonen, Massa, Lewis P7, Verstappen, Sainz, Valtteri. 

As usual Seb speaks with Nico in German. I don't understand German despite studying it for like 10 years but I think he mentioned "schlafen", to sleep. They watch the screens. Seb says something about Lewis, but I can't hear because Nico is shaking the camera and the mic makes a noise. Kvyat says something we can't hear as well. Seb turns to him. "You! Asking what happened at the start?!" he says, half stunned, half amused. "(Inaudible) to the left you crash into us and we all flew (inaudible)." – "Well," Kvyat starts but Seb interrupts. "No, not 'well', you came like a torpedo!" – "Well that's racing," Kvyat laughs like a 13 year old boy joking about boobs. "Uh that's racing but you know if I keep going the same line, we crash," Seb says. "Well don't keep going," Kvyat says with the same hollow laugh. Seb is not amused anymore. "Yeah but there was a car on the left also," he says. Nico is all smiles behind them. Kvyat says he didn't see that because he only has two eyes. Seb shrugs. He says they could have crashed if that's how he went at it and Kvyat says "we didn't". "YOU didn't!" Seb corrects him. They keep going. Seb says sure it's racing but he's gonna get damage if goes at it like he's crazy. "You were lucky this time!" – "Well I'm on the podium so that's okay," he answers again with the same equal cocky smirk. He's annoying. Seb raises his eyebrows. This conversation is going nowhere. Unfortunately the video glitches and I can't hear the end. 

On the podium they basically replay the same conversation. I'm over it. Oh apparently Nico almost got kicked out of his plane from Mexico because he was partying too much. Embarrassing tbh. 

I only have a partial post race. Hopefully we at least get Lewis' interview? We do, it's the first interview we hear.

He smiles as she says it hasn't been his weekend. He says he got a good start but it's always difficult from the back not getting caught up in what happens ahead. He tried to fight his way through but everytime he had to pit he had to do it all again. "But anyway, that's racing and uh… Not a great finish for us this weekend but uh, you know, hopefully onwards and upwards." She asks if in hindsight maybe one of the stops wasn't needed. He says he just got out of the car so he doesn't have any hindsight. She asks how difficult it is to follow the cars in front in the Mercedes. He's not enjoying the question. He hums. He says he talks about it all the time. The track is good because you can overtake but the car was pretty damaged. He suspects there was suspension damage as well. 

Toto says there's some stuff they need to work on but he's happy RedBull is back in the mix and it was exciting to see three teams battling for the podium. 

Out of the press conference, Ted says Kvyat has moved from laughing it off to standing his ground while Seb still can't let it go. He also confirms that Lewis not being able to do longer stints on his softs tyres (12 laps compared to Nico's 23) was due to the damage to the front of the car that was shredding the tyres.

At the end of the notebook, Ted mentions Lewis saying something about fighting himself during the press conference. He then says Toto said Saturday night during the Mercedes press conference that Lewis was so one with himself and it was fantastic to see so they asked Lewis about it. Apparently he said it was nice to hear that from Toto. "He's a very big part of the journey I'm on, you know earlier in my life, throughout my life my friends used to say to me 'Lewis you don't know who you are, it's like you're searching for yourself.' but now I've found myself, I've found my identity". And I think that's a very important thing to mention in this rewatch. 

That's it for now! 

[optimistredsox]

23 July, BOS @ COL, 6-0, win

Fuck yeah, that's more like it! Did I expect that little reset to come with a Criswell start? Nope. But I will take it. I will take it to the bank and cash it like a cheque. Remember cheques? Anyway, we kicked the shit out of a team we should definitely have kicked the shit out of. A perfect palate-cleanser after the parade of shitty rollercoaster extra inning nightmare losses that plagued the post All Star break restart. There were some tense moments - Raffy clutching his shoulder and needing a bit of time before getting back up was enough to have every Red Sox fan and their ancestors clutch their heart and stop breathing. I don't need that sort of stress in my life. Healthy Raffy, please (it was his right shoulder too, and he's already got some left shoulder issues... a Raffy without either shoulder would be a very sad Raffy). Anyway, I really needed that win on a deep personal level because writing about a fifth loss in a row would've sucked. So let's look at the bright sides.

I'm going to start with one of the Red Sox foremost alliterative pitchers, Cooper Criswell, who struggled a bit going into the break. Well, last night he found his early-season shut-out form. He went 7, giving the bullpen a desperately needed break, allowing five hits and one walk with no runs and four strikeouts.

Speaking of finding early season form, Bernadino came on for the eighth and struck out three, giving up a hit. Nice to see him recover after a rough one.

Still speaking of early season form, remember when Tyler O'Neill was blisteringly amazing at the start of the year? Well, he had his second two-dinger game in a week, going 2-for-5 with three RBIs and 2 runs scored. His dingers went a combined 905 feet. That's pretty far. And, yeah, thin air ball carries yada yada yada... it's still cool and a lot farther than I could hit it.

Jarren Duran was 1-for-3 but scored twice because he took a walk. And he didn't strike out.

Jamie Westbrook had an 0-fer but was able to score a run because he took TWO walks. And he didn't strike out.

Raffy gave us a scare regarding his shoulder but after a quiet time at the plate seemed to find his groove again, going 2-for-4, scoring once and knocking in a run.

Masa Yoshida, also going through a bit of a quiet patch, went 2-for-4 and took a walk.

Rob Refsnyder went 2-for-5 with 2 RBIs.

We won! Gosh we needed that. Now let's win a bunch in a row and hopefully the front office will go get some pitching and a couple of righthanded bats!

[dysfunctional-nerd-tm]

30 Days of Productivity -May

Due to my very hectic and (academically) unproductive March and April, I’ve decided to restart another 30 days of productivity in hopes to catch up on all of my uni work.

Day 1-3

[image: row of portraits of all emperors of the Julio-Claudia’s dynasty including their name and reigning years. Augustus on the far left, ending with Nero on the far right]

May 1st

worked for 5 hours 

returned home and wrote 1600 words for my research essay

May 2nd

worked for 8 hours (for a night owl, a 7am start for a job with a 1 hour commute)

returned home and finished the 2000 word research essay, complete with references and bibliography (unfortunately yes, I did procrastinate for an hour in between)

finally slept!! (I was running on 3 hours of sleep per day for the past 3 days :(

[image: freshly baked croissants from work]

May 3rd (rest day)

watched one of my biological anthropology lecture x1

attended my Biological anthropology lab

attended a peer mentoring session (where I try and tutor first year chemists and help with their lab reports)

meal prepped for the next three meals

finished House MD S4

[tonyglowheart]

I've tried. casting on this fucking hat. fully. three (3) times now.

First time, was too loose. So I swapped over to smaller dpn for the cast on, and.

second time,. got all the way to the end of the first row of tubular, started moving them around to get ready to join. and ended up with a weird loose bit somehow? Didn't think I dropped any stitches, but fuck it, guess I gotta restart.

third time. fully dropped a fckn stitch in the first row of tubular.

......maybe that's enough for the night 🙃

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (297): Sat 7th Jan 2023

I switched on the tv by the sockets this morning to check out the rest of the Lakers ca Kings game from last night but for some reason the fucker wouldn’t turn on. I was pressing the direction button on the remote and I could hear clicking noises coming from the tv but I wasn’t getting any picture. I went into the Argos website to their costumer service chat and asked what the fuck was going on with my fucking TV. Annoyingly even though I made it perfectly clear at the start of the chat that I had tried turning off the tv at the plug and restarting it but it hadn’t worked, literally the first thing he responded with was “Can you try turning it off at the plug and restarting it?”. After pretending to try it again I told him that it still hadn’t worked. He asked if he could see any light coming from the top of the TV which I couldn’t and the guy deduced that the lights in the inside of the tv had gone. He asked me when I bought the TV and because it was over two years ago the warranty had run out and I would need to either take it to a repair shop or buy a new one. Normally I’d be pissed off about this but there’s another TV in my sisters old room so I’ll just swap it. In fact this tv is a little bigger than mine so I’m actually in a better position than I was before. From one piece of good news to another, I went downstairs to check for post and found that MY CHEQUE FROM HMRC FINALLY ARRIVED AFTER SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS! These useless pricks told me in May that they’d taken £1000 in tax from me that they shouldn’t have and I was due to get it back in the form of a cheque. However for some reason that I can’t fathom it takes them three months or more to send cheques out which is moronic. I don’t understand why they can’t just stick a stamp on it and gave it with you in a week, you know like everyone else who wants to send something to someone without physically taking it to them does. Also if you watch WWE’s Insurrextion pay per view from 2003 and look into the crowd before the Goldust vs Rico match you’ll see someone running down an aisle towards a row near the entrance way. That someone is me, so my celebrity status should get me my cheque delivered even quicker than most common scum get theirs. Well anywho, at least justice has finally been done and I’ve gotten my money back. With this sweet sweet cash in my account it basically means that the government have paid for my WrestleMania and LA Lakers tickets which was awfully nice of them.

[mochiusagifanficchaos]

Sherlock x Mute!Reader •Part 7•

Metal crashed against metal as you yanked wildly at the handcuff around your wrist until you felt warm blood running down your ice-cold hand.

Silently sobbing you sank back on the bed. The sudden lack of noise made the dark room even scarier.

How have you ended here? What happened and why the hell can't you remember?!

These thoughts got stuck in your head, drove a rollercoaster, and made you feel sick.

Helpless you tried to remember what had happened, tried to puzzle everything together but the last thing you remember was going to bed alone in your flat.

Alone.

The word echoed in your head.

Something in the back of your mind told you that this wasn't right.

There was this feeling, this feeling of being watched. You had it right before you fell asleep.

Suddenly you remember that something was being pressed on your face. You couldn't breathe anymore and smelled something sweet. Panicking you had woken up and saw someone standing next to your bed. He was pressing you down and covered your mouth and nose with a piece of cloth.

It was Jonathan.

You screamed inside your head, wanted to punch yourself for your stupidity of trusting a man you barely knew instead of trusting Sherlock.

Your eyes darted to your left as a door was opened with a loud squeaking sound and bright blue light fell into the room.

A man was standing in the frame and threw a large shadow on the ground.

"Finally awake?", a deep voice asked with a sarcastic undertone and his heavy steps resounded through the room as he walked towards you.

"Oh, it was so easy to twist you around my little finger", he hummed as he tugged on his black curls, pulling down the wig from his head and revealing short blonde hair.

He chuckled as he saw the scared look on your face.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not gonna harm you.", Jonathan pulled a phone out of his pockets and stood there for a while, typing something, before he sat beside you on the bed and turned the camera on, holding the phone away so that you both were visible on the screen.

"As long as Sherlock does what I want."

"Let's play a game, Sherlock.", the man in the video said and grinned evilly.

Watson heard this sentence for at least the 20th time in a row now since Sherlock kept restarting the video which he received 10 minutes ago on his phone.

"Watching it over and over again won't get (y/n) back here.", Mycroft said, trying to bring his little brother back to his senses but Sherlock completely ignored him, restarting the video again.

Annoyed Watson stood up from his chair and snatched the phone out of Sherlock's hand: "That's enough now."

"I should've stayed with her.", Sherlock mumbled under his breath and ran his hands over his face, his black shirt stretched over his back and arms as every muscle in his body tensioned.

Suddenly he stood up and threw his hands in the air: "For god's sake I should've stayed with her!"

"It's not your fault.", Watson tried to calm him down, shook from his unusual behavior.

"Don't fool yourself, Watson, of course, it is! That lunatic is just kidnapping her because of me."

On Sherlock's phone popped up a message from an unknown number and Watson gave it back to Sherlock. He swiftly opened it, just to nearly drop it as he saw the content of the message.

It was a picture of you sitting on the bed, a blanket half over your shoulders and your right hand was laid over the left. It was dark but Sherlock still noticed the handcuffs and the bloody strains underneath them on your skin. Your hair was parted to both sides of your face and you had a smile on your face. A forced smile, your lips were curled up but your eyes showed fear.

The phone rang loudly and Watson jumped.

Sherlock answered the call with a cold expression.

"Such a pretty girl, don't you think?", the man on the other side chuckled darkly.

Sherlock's hand tightened around his cellphone: "Don't you dare to touch her.", his voice had a deadly sound and even Watson needed to gulp since he never heard him talk like this.

"Oh, I won't, what are you thinking of me? But you should hurry.", the man made a dramatic pause. "It's getting really cold in here."

He chuckled again before he hung up.

Slowly Sherlock lowered his hand with the phone and stared blankly out of the window.

Watson didn't dare to speak and waited for Sherlock to tell him what was up, but he stayed silent and the only noise was the beeping of the disconnected phone call.

Without a word, Sherlock turned around, threw his coat over and rushed with fast and heavy steps past Microft and Watson and down the stairs. Watson followed him to the street and just about made it into the cab in which Sherlock had hopped in.

"Where are we going?", Watson asked as the car started driving.

"The national gallery."

Your shaking ice-cold fingers were wrapped around each other, your knees were tugged under your chin and your arms were pressed at your body to keep the warmth inside.

Your teeth silently chattering was the only sound in the room, beside the rattles of your handcuffs around the bed frame sometimes when you shifted your weight.

Jonathan had left you alone hours ago, he said that he needed to prepare something for Sherlock and you were scared of what he had planned, scared of what he might do to him.

His evil laugh still echoed in your head and made you shiver more than the cold air around you.

"If you're ever scared, my love, then count to three and think of me, count to ten and think of a friend, count to a hundred and your fear will be tamed"

You remembered your mum saying this to you whenever you were scared after what had happened to you as a child. After you lost your voice.

Warm tears rolled over your cheeks as you counted to three and thought of her smile and laugh, her warm embrace and her soft voice.

More and more tears rolled down your cheeks and you began sobbing as you thought about Sherlock.

1

Thought about him taking care of you on the day you had burned your hand in the café.

2

Thought about this proud smile he had on his face when you kept the keys for the register.

3

You remembered the day when he got you out of the hospital to eat some chips together.

4

And then took a ride with you on the London Eye. You knew that he had watched you and had a smile on his face as he saw you being so amazed by the night view.

5

You thought about the days you had tried to ignore and allure him since he wouldn't talk to you about the case and ended up being followed by a slightly sad and jealous Sherlock. Now you were sure that he hadn't understood his own feelings at this time and probably was really confused why you made him feel like this.

You chuckled slightly. When you would get out of here alive you would try to seduce him even more, you loved the look on his face when he was too confused about his own feelings.

6

The picture of you sitting on Sherlock's lap, both of you sleeping, popped up in your mind.

This was the moment you got aware of that you really loved him. You never felt so safe and like home before, then in his arms.

The thought of this brought a warm feeling back and you noticed that you had stopped sobbing and shivering.

7

You remembered him entering the café after not having seen or heard from him for over three months and that smile that crawled on his face as he saw you.

8

He had pulled you in this tight hug instead of saying hello and made your heart melt.

9

A loud bang ripped you out of your thoughts and brought you back to the dark and cold reality.

You held your breath and listened to if there were any other noises but everything remained silent.

Just as you gave up on listening a bright light suddenly flooded the room and you had to cover your eyes, pressing your face into the stinky mattress.

Blinking you tried to get used to the lack of darkness and it took you some seconds to see the big tv on the opposite wall.

It showed Sherlock and Watson who just came running into a big white room with paintings on the walls and you immediately noticed that it was a room from the national gallery.

"Will you tell me now why we needed to go here?", Watson asked out of breath as he watched Sherlock examining every painting in the big room.

"The picture.", Sherlock just answered and walked into the next room. "He made her look like the Mona Lisa and where do we usually find paintings?"

"The national gallery", Watson sighted.

Suddenly Sherlock's phone rang and he hesitated for a second to pick up.



"Where's (y/n)?", he asked straight out.

"Oh Sherlock, I'm not gonna make it so easy for you. Don't you remember that I wanted to play a game?", the voice on the other side said with amusement.

Sherlock tried hard to keep a straight face: "I already solved your little puzzle to get here and I don't want to keep on playing."

A loud laugh suddenly echoed out of the speakers from every corner of the room and Watson whirled around.

"If you don't want to play the game then you won't be able to safe (y/n). Aren't you having fun? I thought you liked puzzles, Sherlock."

The voice filled the room with a dangerous atmosphere.

Sherlock remained silent, grinding his teeth.

"I see, good choice.", the voice chuckled. "You know, I'll give you something to think about: she's here, somewhere, and I already told you where."

Sherlock narrowed his eyebrows, he couldn't think of anything right now, the feeling of fear for you had crawled into him and wouldn't let go anymore.

He took a deep breath and placed his hands in a praying position to his lips.

His eyes darted fast over the paintings on the wall to find anything that would show him where you were captured.

But he couldn't find anything.

"There got to be something!", Sherlock muttered and ruffled his hand through his hair in frustration.

A chuckle echoed out of the speakers again: "Oh Sherlock, don't make it so hard for yourself. I said that I already told you where she is."

Sherlock stopped in his actions and his eyes widened.

"Stupid!", he suddenly scoffed. "My god, Watson, why didn't we notice that earlier?"

"What? What didn't we notice earlier? Sherlock!"; Watson shouted after Sherlock who already ran down the hall.

A swear escaped Watson as he chased after Sherlock's flapping coat...

Next chapter will be up next weekend!

Thank you all so much for reading and your nice comments 🥺 ❤

Tag list ❤

@misselsbells06 @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @a-paper-cut @viviace

[idk-maybe-i-did-it]

Scars: Year five, Chapter six

Remus Lupin x Reader

Warnings: Implied eating disorder, swearing, violence, alcoholics, 

James Potter

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Peter Pettigrew

James Potter

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Peter Pettigrew

James Potter

Sirius Black

Remus Lupin

Peter Pettigrew

Did you stay for the end?

Or are you just waiting for a beginning?

Because without her, the boys fear they'll never get either. ________________________________

Lily told me to get a journal to write in.

So here we go.

Dear Diary,

Wait am I allowed to call you Y/n?

I think I would prefer that better, let me restart.

Dear Y/n,

I miss you.

I also punched James earlier.

I'm not sorry.

I can just hear you scolding me about it and I can see you asking James what he did.

I know he didn't mean to knock you out, I just... I can't help it Y/n.

It hurts too much to do anything now and now that you're in a coma I can't get my daily dose of Y/n wonderfullness. I know that that isn't a real word but I don't care.

Goodbye for now my love, Please wake up tomorrow. ________________________________

" You comin Remus?"

James leaned out of the door and looked at the boy still sitting on the windows ledge.

" Not today James... I'm not hungry."

The boy signed and moved over to where he sat, squatting next him.

" Remus you haven't eaten in three days. Y/n wouldn't want this, she would want to see you happy and with food in your stomach. Come on Re, just one meal, for Y/n at least?" _______________________________

Good morning darling,

Don't ask about the name, I'm just trying something's out for when you wake up.

Anyway, I still miss you. I miss you every waking second of the day and I miss you like the sun misses the moon at day-rise.

Sirius says I need to eat more but I think I'm fine.

I got mad at Malfoy earlier and broke his nose.

James covered for me and punched him so it would look like he did it. I'm still not sorry for punching him last week by the way if you're wondering.

Transfiguration was nice. I mean, McGonagall accidentally said your name in class when assigning partners and I had to be excused when I started to cry.

Lily's been helping me with classes and homework recently because I can't focus in class anymore without you here. Kayla actually came to our dorm earlier this week too and dropped off your trunk and other stuff. I put it all by my stuff at the end of the bed.

Sorry Love, I have to go, James just came in.

Goodbye Y/n, Wake up soon. _______________________________

Hello angel,

I know I just put an insert to this yesterday but I had something else to tell you today.

Earlier Sirius went out to do a detention and It was just James and Peter and Me in the dorm. Peter wanted me to see something outside so we went and sat on the window ledge outside of our window where Sirius goes to smoke at night.

Do you remember when we used to sit there and watch the sun go down while I held you in my arms?

Well Peter wanted to watch the sunset and I ended up crying while James and Pete sat beside me and hugged me.

James said that it's important to remember that I need to wait out for you.

I'm really starting to miss you Y/n.

Sirius says that I shouldn't be worried because he knows you're a stubborn ass who always comes back but I'm starting to doubt that.

Please come back love, I miss you ________________________________

" Remus can you put down the book for a moment?"

" Lily you're the one who told me to start it-'

" I know that Remus and you're a lot better now because of it but you also never put it down." ________________________________

Lily says I spend too much time writing to you because I write in class too sometimes.

I've only written about a third of the journal so far and it's been two weeks since you, y'know... but I think that it doesn't matter because I feel like I can talk to you all the time in here. Like I used to be able to talk to you all the time...

Of course I don't do this during my prefect rounds but I wish I could.

Goodbye button I love you, But please wake up soon. ________________________________

" Moony we won!"

" We bloody won Remus! We won!" ________________________________

Sirius and James won the Quidditch cup yesterday and made me go to the party.

I'm so sorry love.

I'm sorry...

I know you wouldn't've wanted me to drink but I did... I drank a lot.

I realized what I was doing about an hour in and went upstairs to take a shower and cry.

I really am sorry love, you hate alcohol.

I ended up wearing the last sweater of mine you wore afterwards. It still smelt like you y'know.

And I finished all my homework so I could tell you about what happened last night.

Anyway, I love you.

I want to press kisses all over your face, I wanna kiss your nose and your temple and I wanna kiss your forehead and I want to kiss your jawline again and I just wanna be able to kiss your lips again love.

Goodnight baby, Wake up soon please. _______________________________

" Come on Remus you gotta go see her. You haven't even visited the hospital wing since what happened."

" Peter I said no. How many times do I have to say it?" ______________________________

Peter got me to visit you today.

He didn't even seem affected when I cried with my head on your stomach. He just grabbed my hand and stayed with me.

I'm really glad he made me go visit you. It made me happier.

I also really miss laying in bed with you, my head on your lap or stomach or chest while you just hummed and kissed my forehead and hands and anywhere you could reach.

I Really miss those days. _____________________________

Hey Y/n!

This is Sirius, James made him start eating his lunch but he wouldn't unless one of us talked to you so here I am. When you wake up you better beat your boyfriends arse because he hasn't been eating much and he looks like he did in third year again and I know you wouldn't like that.

Speaking of your boyfriend, Remus recently got an owl telling him your mum and aunt died so we don't know who you're staying with when you wake up but I think Mrs. Potter has her hands full with both me and James so you'll probably stay with Remus.

Wait I have to give the book back to Remus. Bye sis, Love ya. _______________________________

Hi Y/n,

Your finger twitched today, I almost got my hopes up but Pomfrey said that was usual.

She made me leave to pack my things for the train tomorrow.

I won't be able to visit you over summer break and I don't think I'll be able to tell Mare and Ky and Jamal and Mum and Dad what happened to you.

Speaking of Mare, her and her girlfriend are engaged now. No actually her girlfriend is a boy now. James's parents are going to help fund the wedding whenever it comes. I love you, Please wake up before I come back to school. _______________________________

Today at home Mare was getting me to help pick the seating arrangements and she wrote your name next to mine in the first row.

That was the first time I ever cried in front of her and she didn't know what was wrong so I had to tell her what happened.

Will you wake up soon enough to go with me?

I love you Kitten, Come back to me Y/n. _______________________________

I have to babysit Ky and Jamal later tonight. Maybe I can write something new later Afterwards love. Anyways, I've a new book, Rising Stars is what it's called. Mare Recommended it to me yesterday. I think You're gonna steal it from me when wake up.

Mare's been making me eat more food. Everyone says I should eat more.

But Mare says I look more like myself now.

Love, Remus _______________________________

" Remus can we make cookies?"

The boy's head lolled back onto the couch's frame and Jamal stood on his thighs trying to get him up.

" Pretty please big brother dearest?"

The boy lifted his leg and swiftly sat up, lightly moving the children off of his body as he made to move towards his bedroom.

" Alright, the eight-year old's have it! Just let me get the book-

His sentence cut short at the sight before him.

There, standing outside the screen door of the kitchen, was Y/n.

The woman stood standing, hand in her pocket, arm in a position to knock on the door when she froze and saw Remus standing like a deer in headlights looking at her.

She looked full again.

She looked like Y/n again.

Remus was still staring at her when the two children came and mad ran out from behind him, peeking behind his figure to see who had been outside. Once Jamal and the other saw the girls face they ran for the door and pulled it open, grasping onto her fingers to pull her inside the house they were so exited.

Remus still stood there.

Shocked.

And yet he still stood and watched as she smiled and laughed with the two kids as they pulled her over to where he stood.

He watched as she sneakily slipped her arms under Ky's and pulled him upwards, sitting the kid on her hip as the boy started to mess with her hair.

Remus watched as she looked up at him with a wide grin that showed all her pearly-white teeth and he watched as she walked the last foot keeping them apart and grasped his jaw, pulling him into a kiss.

It took his body a moment to react before he was pulling the girl flush against him and kissing her full force, needing to feel her body, to feel proof that she was back. Just needing to feel her.

He could feel her hands move up to the collar of his shirt and he could feel her smile against his lips, breaking the kiss if only for a moment. His arms rested on the outline of her coat as he pulled it closer to his body, in turn pulling her.

Then he went back to kissing her full force again, his arms wrapped around her waist as he dipped her backwards and grinned.

" Gross."

Their heads snapped back to where Jamal and Ky stood, their noses scrunched up in disgust. Until they saw the smile on Remus's face.

They hadn't seen him smile like that in forever.

So when he went back to pull her into another kiss and when he started to pepper her face in kisses they simply looked away, not ruining the moment and intent on keeping that smile on his lips.

Remus reached behind Y/n and grasped the bag in her arm, grasping her wrist in the process and pulling her along with him to the bedroom.

" Are we still getting our cookies?"

" Yeah!" ________________________________

D'ya still hate me? 😀

Anyway- Nice reunion scene in my opinion.

I know it's not long but if you complain then I will legit show you how many fucks I give, Oh wait, I don't have any. _____________________________ Drop a vote, drink some water, eat some food, take screen breaks and remember You Are Loved! ^ - ^

[slafkovskys]

Hi could you please write some soft and cuddly Trevor. Like it’s just a movie day with his family or hanging out with his siblings and he won’t leave you side

combined these two :) also i do not watch romance movies and i only know one so that’s why i keep using it :/

“mom says that we have to decide, so,” ava walks into the living room holding two boxes. “do you want cookies or a cake? griffin?”

“cookies,” he mumbles, not looking up from his phone. ava turns to where you and trevor were on the couch about to ask you, but griffin stops her, “you don’t even have to ask him. just ask y/n and count it as two. he always agrees with her.”

“no he doesn’t,” trevor mumbled, lifting his head up from your chest. your hand drops from his hair to his shoulder as he looks at his younger brother who now has a smirk on his lips, “i don’t always agree with her.”

“yes you do,” you all three say in unison. you lock eyes with ava and you both burst into a fit of giggles while trevor huffs, relaxing against you and burying his face in your neck. you run your hand down his back soothingly. “it’s okay trev,” you coo.

he pinches the skin of your thigh in retaliation for your teasing and you squeal, shoving his hand away. he grunts and wraps his arms around your waist to keep you pressed against him as he’d done all day. you rest your hand on the back of his head and look up at ava who was still awaiting an answer, “it honestly doesn’t matter to me. you choose and i’ll help decorate?”

“sounds like a plan,” she nods, turning around and walking back into the kitchen. fifteen minutes went by before she called your name, “can you come help me make the frosting?”

“sure!” you respond, nudging trevor who only grips onto you tighter. you sigh, squeezing his bicep through the hoodie he was wearing, “trev, baby, you’ve kept me trapped here all day. you need to let me get up so that i can help your sister. i’ll be twenty minutes tops and i’ll be back.”

“that’s too long,” he huffs, pressing a kiss to the side of your neck. “ava’s capable of doing it herself.”

you look towards griffin who’s not looking at you two but is no doubt eavesdropping. you bend down just a little so that you’re beside his ear, “if you don’t let me go, i’m gonna move into ava’s room for the rest of quarantine.”

he perks his head up, eyes scanning your face to see the seriousness of your threat. the look on your face proved that you were indeed very serious and he rolls over so that you can get up. you press your lips to his cheek.

“twenty minutes,” you repeat.

you walk into the kitchen to find julie and ava with five separate bowls. julie smiles, “he finally set you free?”

“i had to threaten him with moving in with ava, but he finally let me loose,” you grin, taking a seat at the counter. “so what’re we doing?”

“we’re doing sugar cookies and we decided to ice them. here’s some food coloring and any mess you make, you clean up,” she wags a finger at you both and you nod in understanding.

you rip open the box while ava scoots the bowls closer to you. she rounds the counter and takes the seat beside you, picking up a bottle. “do you remember mixing what colors gives you other colors?”

“i did not pay attention in art class,” you respond as you set all the little bottles in a row. you grab the orange one and twist off the cap, “i guess we’re gonna have to wing it.”

“are you gonna poison us?” griffin asks, strolling in in front of trevor. while griffin heads for the fridge, trevor scoots the empty stool on the opposite side of you closer and rests his head on your shoulder. “wow. you two are just inseparable aren’t you?”

“leave them alone griffin. they’re in love,” ava says.

you flush, tilting your head to press a kiss on the top of trevor’s hair. “what’s up with you today?” you finally ask, voice dropping to a mumble as ava and griffin bicker back and forth.

“just don’t wanna be away from you s’all,” he says and you take that as a clue to drop the subject. he’s quiet as you mix your assigned bowls and you even offer him a taste when you're done. he lifts up his head and eats it off the spoon you offered. he looks at you and gestures to your cheek, “you’ve got some- i’ll get it.”

“trevor!” you squeal as his tongue licks over your cheek. you shove him away from you and grimace. “you’re disgusting!”

“tastes good though babe.”

-

it was later that night when you were full of dinner and sugar cookies that you found yourself in trevor’s bed scrolling through your phone as you waited for him to get out of the shower so you could pick a movie to watch. you already had netflix pulled up on his tv and his profile ready to be selected when he walked in.

he had a towel wrapped around his waist and he shut the door behind him. he moved over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, quickly switching out his towel for them. he looked at you with a smirk, “like what you see?”

“i’ve seen it every night for almost two months. i’m used to it by now,” you shrug and look back down at your phone. once your attention was no longer on him, he threw his towel at you and you shove it off the bed, “you get on my nerves i swear.”

“yeah, yeah,” he mumbled with a fond smile, walking over to plant a kiss on your lips. he runs the towel over his wet hair and grabs his phone from where it was on his pillow. “i’m going downstairs. do you want something?”

“some water please,” you bat your eyelashes and he nods, leaving his room once again. when he gets back, instead of walking in, he just pokes his head through the door. you raise an eyebrow, “what?”

“do you want louie?” he asks even though he already knew the answer. your face lights up as you sit upright quickly. he chuckles and pushes open the door to allow the black and white dog to dart through the door. he jumps on the bed and immediately attacks you with kisses. trevor shuts the door behind him, “watch it lou. she’s mine.”

“he’s just being sweet,” you argue, scratching at the pomsky’s sides. he calms down after you show him some attention and moves to the foot of the bed. you knew that at some point he would probably squeeze in between you both, however.

“my turn,” trevor grins, pulling you over to him. you roll your eyes but you can’t help the fond smile on your lips. you turn on your side and throw your leg of his hips and rest your head on his chest. he grabs the remote, “what are we watching tonight, your highness?”

“forever my girl?” you ask, tracing your finger over his bare chest.

“you’re such a sap,” he says, switching from netflix to prime to find the movie. it’s not hard because it’s one of the last things you two watched so he just clicks restart and relaxes into the bed. his hand comes to rest on your thigh under his comforter as the movie starts at the scene in front of the church.

“don’t think i didn’t find out about you watching the second to all the boys without me and then lie about it,” you grumble, watching as louie twitches in his sleep.

“how did you find out about that?”

“i have my sources in boston.”

[yodawgiherd]

You Were Never Truly Gone ch.8

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Soooo, you guys saw the leaks? Bruh.....

This was it, her triumph, everything Kiyomi was hoping for. The pair was together in front of the altar, flanked on both sides by the mass of Faceless guard, each member hidden behind the traditional mask. Standing in the first row Kiyomi admired how gorgeous Mikasa looked in her white wedding dress, head covered by a hood. The Shogun was right there with her, dressed in black as a counterpoint to his bride, the smile on his face genuine and Kiyomi felt a pang of pride in her chest.

See? I told you that she’s beautiful.

Everything falling into place, as she listened to the Shogun recite his wedding vows, Kiyomi’s mind was already plotting on what to do next. She was the hero now, the one who brought them the new symbol, and she had to make sure that the other nobles remembered that, first she would….

The man was finished, and now it was Mikasa’s turn to speak. The priest looked at her expectantly, nudging her to begin her vows but the girl didn’t say a word. Instead, her gaze scanned the crowd until she found Kiyomi’s, forcing their eyes to clash. Confused, Kiyomi mouthed for her to go on with the wedding. But to her horror, the Ackerman girl didn’t comply.

An exceptionally cruel smile parted the blood-red lips.

And then the Shogun was stumbling back, a dagger thrust in his chest. One of the Faceless moved drawing his blade, and before anyone could do anything he rammed it into the groom’s back.

Chaos ensued.

Screams from everywhere, sounds of running as people panicked while Kiyomi stood where she was, staring at the scene. The treacherous guard pulled down his mask, revealing that shitty beard and green eyes that Kiyomi despised. Eren Yeager, the bastard, reached out and took Mikasa’s hand, pulling her into an embrace. All around them, the rest of the Faceless guard followed his lead, drawing their swords and hacking into the gathered nobles, blood splattering all over the temple’s walls.

Kiyomi couldn’t move. She stood and stared as the two kissed in front of the altar, the place where she was supposed to have her greatest victory. Instead of that, she was looking at the greatest loss as people around her kept dying, cut down by the Shogun’s guard. To make everything worse the ground itself shook, and faint stomps could be heard.

Separating from Mikasa’s lips, Eren looked her straight in the eye, his triumphal grin disgusting to look at.

“You know how I told you that I can’t restart the rumbling?”

Cracks ran all over the roof, and his next words confirmed Kiyomi’s greatest fear.

“I lied.”

A colossal titan’s foot came through the ceiling, and Kiyomi didn’t even get the chance to scream before she was crushed to a pulp.

Waking up with a gasp Kiyomi clutched at her chest, staring wide-eyed over the darkened room. Cabin, it was the cabin, she was still at the ship. A dream, nightmare, nothing else. Breathing deep to dispel the terror, she squeezed her eyes shut while massaging her temples.

It would seem that Eren’s sudden re-appearance did a number on her mental state, and Kiyomi couldn’t even say that she was surprised by that. He was nothing short of a monster, and she was right to hate him, right to despise that man from the bottom of her heart.

No, pull yourself together.

It doesn’t matter that he’s back, the plan is still going, Mikasa agreed to it. There will be no assassination and titan army, that was in the past and wouldn’t happen again. The horrors of the past were nothing but a memory, a terrible one but gone forever. Calming herself with measured breathing, Kiyomi laid back on the bed, looking at the moonlight dancing on the cabin’s ceiling.

It will be fine. Everything will be fine. Just a few more days…

The week-long voyage was supposed to be a beautiful dream. Kiyomi imagined it sometimes, how it would feel when she is carrying the fabled Mikasa Ackerman back towards Hizuru, saving her nation and the world in a single stroke. It was the moment of her greatest triumph, years of plotting and sacrifice finally bearing that sweet, sweet fruit. She wanted to spend the time wisely, get to know the Ackerman girl – the future wife of the leader – better, maybe plant some seeds into her that she could collect on later. Yes, it should have been great, a dream come true.

It was a purgatory instead.

Any time Kiyomi saw Eren she couldn’t help but feel the anger in her rising. He wasn’t even doing anything, just talking to the sailors and soldiers, joking with them even, the bastard truly had no brakes. They all liked him, she heard, Aaron was a popular guy and it made her teeth grit. Nobody knew that they were laughing around with a monster, a man that started an apocalypse.

No, to them this was just Aaron, a friend of the Ackerman girl.

It was even worse to find the two lovebirds together. Kiyomi was never big on romance, always putting career in front of her personal needs, and it didn’t feel good being slapped in the face with it. It was everything, all the little gestures – watching them eat together, passing by as they strolled along the ship corridors hand-in-hand, catching them stargazing while they laid on the roof. She had no issues with Mikasa having fun, laughing, giggling, and being in love, she hated that Eren got to experience it too. It wasn’t fair, not to the millions that he trampled.

Her mood got even worse when she saw them kissing, hidden in corners of the ship, once in a cargo hold too, it made Kiyomi miserable. Didn’t help that after three night of relatively peaceful sleep, bar the nightmare, she was once again awoken by: “Ah, Ah Eren, right there! Don’t stop!”.

That night she didn’t lay in bed and waited for it to end. Fed up with the two, Kiyomi left her cabin and leaned on the railing outside, popping a cigarette between her lips. Smoking in silence she stared over the waves, contemplating her situation.

Hizuru was getting closer and closer. In just about two to three days they would arrive, and she would present Mikasa to the people as their new symbol. Her marriage to the Shogun would be quite an event requiring a lot of planning and plotting on Kiyomi’s part – there were nobles to talk to, bribe, charm and threaten. After the Rumbling Hizuru more or less fell apart, shattered into pieces as many small-time barons took advantage of the chaos. She was serious about needing Mikasa, because through her – and the child of course – they would gain a unifying symbol.

Kiyomi sighed, tapping the ash into the ocean.

So much work, and so far from over. Picking the correct baron and convincing him to have his son marry this imported girl was difficult. He didn’t know Mikasa, and even with Kiyomi’s assurance that she is a beautiful and very dignified young woman it wasn’t easy. She managed, in the end, but now she had to think about what will happen once the future Shogun finds out about Eren. Or Aaron, doesn’t matter.

Mikasa was from the ideal “princess” – she was no delicate flower to be protected and that required a strong man in her life. She wasn’t a shy virgin with a blush on her rosy cheeks that could be presented to her future husband on a silver platter. None of that.

If Kiyomi would describe Mikasa with one word it would be powerful – both physically and mentally she was admirably strong. Quiet but not to be underestimated, not easy to manipulate either as Kiyomi found out recently. She played on the old woman’s desperation perfectly, forcing her to accept terms that would normally be impossible. Her having a lover was scandalous on its own, but that the person was no one else but the genocidal maniac everyone believed to be dead, now that was the cherry on top.

Bah.

Nothing to do about that now. Kiyomi was played for a fool but that would end soon – Hizuru was her stomping ground, the Ackerman girl knew no one there and would be dependent on her. Maybe the marriage would be rocky but as long as it produced an heir then everyone could walk away happy. And if the sounds that woke her said anything, it was that Mikasa could do that activity necessary for having children very well.

“Sulking on your own?”

The voice. The voice she hated with her entire being. Gritting her teeth around the cigarette butt, Kiyomi turned to see Eren coming to join her at the railing. Everything about him pissed her off. The way his hair was messy, tousled by someone’s fingers. The dark bruises that bloomed all over his neck. The scratches she could see, disappearing beneath his shirt. The half-cocky grin he wore, knowing very well why she can’t sleep.

“Felt like having a smoke.”, she growled, letting the irritation show in her voice, “Want one?”

Maybe getting him to smoke would kill Eren sooner. To her dismay he shook his head, declining the generous offer. Eyes traveling towards the Ackerman’s door, Kiyomi saw that it remained closed, Mikasa not coming out to join them.

“Where’s your “friend”, Yeager?”

“Sleeping. Exhausted, for some reason.”

Sure, some reason.

“And you came out here why?”

“Needed a breath of fresh air. She is very…  intense.”

Kiyomi’s lips curved into a frown.

“You are just rubbing it in at this point.”

He shrugged.

“You wanted to know.”

Letting the breath out of her lungs create a large puff of smoke, Kiyomi turned back towards the ocean and continued staring into the distance. Maybe ignoring him will make Eren go back. An assumption which proved to be wrong, as he spoke to her soon after.

“You never asked how I came back.”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”, more ash fell into the rolling waves, “Nothing but trouble for me.”

“That’s fair. I would say that I’m sorry for causing it to you, but… I’m not.”, she could hear the bliss in his voice, “Being alive is amazing.”

At least he wasn’t lying to her, Kiyomi could appreciate honesty.

“Figured as much.”

Eren’s resurrection didn’t interest Kiyomi in the slightest. She couldn’t care less how he managed to cheat death for the last time, it didn’t mean anything. The practical woman that she was, Kiyomi was only interested in how it impacted her own planning.

To be frank, it threw a giant wrench into it.

Yet there was something else she would like to ask, and there would probably not be a better time in the foreseeable future.

“Tell me, how can you be so calm when you know what Mikasa will do once we get to Hizuru?”

“What do you mean?”

“She is going to marry another man, have a child with him. That doesn’t bother you?”

“That’s the terms of the deal Mikasa made with you. This is her show now, I’m just tagging along on the ride.”

“Ha, that doesn’t sound like the Eren Yeager I know.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”, one of his eyebrows lifted, “My previous mindset got me killed, you can’t blame me for trying something new.”

“Still, going from full active to full passive is…”, she studied his face for a second, “Strange.”

“Maybe, but I need to stay hidden and Hizuru gives me that. A sanctuary.”

“Indeed, as much as it pains me, I have promised that to lady Mikasa.”

“You hate me, and you have every reason to.”, Eren’s voice remained passive as he spoke, not rising to answer Kiyomi’s obvious verbal attacks, “I’m not going to apologize for what I’ve done and I can’t take it back either.”

“Good, because your apology would mean nothing to me.”

This time he finally reacted, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

“I do wonder if we will ever get along.”

Kiyomi’s scowl was the only answer required.

“Don’t count on it.”

“As you say…”, pushing himself away from the railings, Eren did that half-mocking bow again, “Good night, lady Azumabito.”

When the door of Mikasa’s cabin closed behind him, Kiyomi threw the cigarette into the ocean, angrily staring after it. Damn him, damn him to hell.

The morning of their arrival’s day found Kiyomi lecturing Mikasa in her cabin, giving her a few last-minute tips. The girl was looking great, happy and elated even, making the old woman forget all about the pesky Yeager.

“We will be arriving in the port and from there we will have a parade through the city.”, Kiyomi began her instructions, “You requested it and I made sure that the public will be there to see you. May I ask why you wanted one in the first place?”

“I want to give the people something to look forward to, I feel like they deserve as much, especially after I made them wait this long.”

Thinking about the working class already – Mikasa had some good instincts in her.

“Very good. The parade will take you to the palace, where I will show you to your chambers and give you a chance to freshen up. Come evening, the ruling council will gather and we will meet them to discuss the wedding preparations. Also, you will meet your husband there. Sounds good?”

The Ackerman girl nodded, taking it all in.

“I believe that you will take good care of me. Of us.”

Of course, couldn’t forget that parasite. And the goat. Then again, Kiyomi had nothing against the goat, it was a rather well-behaved animal. Eren on the other hand….

“I’ll have “Aaron” put on a uniform and march with the soldiers. I doubt that anyone will notice him, and not like people will be looking at them – all eyes will be on you, lady Mikasa.”

“As long as we can reunite in the castle, I like your plan.”, a firm nod, very military-like, “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They could hear the shouting of the crowd from afar, the water carrying the sound rather efficiently. Standing on the deck, Mikasa looked at the fast-approaching shore, seeing the masses that gathered there in her honor, stomach doing little flips.

“Hey.”, a hand closed around her fingers, “Relax, we will be okay.”

Eren was right there next to her, dressed in a Hizurian uniform, offering a smile in these trying times. She managed to mirror his smirk, despite the twisting of her guts.

“I know. We are together, so there is nothing that I can’t handle.”

The ship’s horn indicated that the shore was even closer now, and Eren left with a last fleeting kiss. Kiyomi took his place almost immediately, ready to accompany her on this perilous journey. As Mikasa studied the port, she noticed that it was very modern, even more than she thought it would be.

“The buildings,”, she said out loud, “look very recent. Did Hizuru rebuild the port?”

“We had to, this area was completely devastated during the rumbling.”

“Oh…”

“Most of the damage had been fixed, but there are still areas which are nothing but trampled ground.”, Kiyomi’s face was sour, “We don’t have the manpower to fix it completely, and lack of proper leadership does not help.”

“That’s why I’m here, no?”

That brought a smile to Kiyomi’s face.

“Yes indeed.”

With a last booming horn sound, the ship backed into the harbor and the gangplank was lowered. The soldiers fanned out first, Eren among them, joining the forces that were already hard at work, keeping the shouting crowd away. Horses were brought when Mikasa and Kiyomi touched the ground, but that was not all. A small group pushed its way towards the two of them, moving to the left and right in a protective formation. They were wearing masks, hiding their identity, but from the lack of alarm on Kiyomi’s part, Mikasa figured that they weren’t here to hurt them.

“Who are they?”, she whispered to the older woman.

“Oh, I should have told you. These are the Faceless.”, Kiyomi quickly supplied, “Personal guard of the Shogun and his family, elite soldiers that will die for you in a blink of an eye.”

“Do they ever take these masks off?”

“Only if it is requested by their charge, otherwise it is a great dishonor. Why?”

“Just curious…”

So a personal guard that was supposed to stay with her all the time and never take off a mask covering their face? Hmmm…

Mounting up in a swift and practiced movement, Mikasa waited until Kiyomi also managed to scramble up on her horse.

“You know, we could have used cars.”, she said, watching the older woman struggle.

“We could, but horses are more regal and also it reminds the people of where you came from.”

“I thought that my origin is a thing to be forgotten.”

“Not at all! Your past is what made you who you are, and it reminds us of the strength you possess. Managing to survive such a nightmare you were thrust into takes incredible skill and dedication.”

Unsure on how to reply to such praise, Mikasa directed her eyes towards the crowd instead. There were so many people here, cheering for her, and it made her heart race. Finally, Kiyomi managed to seat herself properly, clicking her tongue at the mount before addressing Mikasa.

“Shall we?”

The parade through the city was quite an experience. Mikasa had never waved so much in her life before, but here she was, doing her best to appear both dignified and cheerful as she returned the endless love of the people. It reminded her of the times when she and Eren watched Survey Corps return from their expeditions beyond the walls, albeit grander in scale.

The ruckus subsided when they left the port city behind, moving through the countryside towards the capital. There were next to no forests left, trampled beneath the titan’s feet, but the meadows and rice fields stretched to the left and right of the road, restored in the years following the rumbling. High and up, they rode for a few hours before the other city rose in front of them.

The capital was situated high, mostly in the mountains, and because of that a large part had escaped the destruction, Kiyomi said. There were people waiting for her, cheering as their group rode past, and Mikasa was once again forced to smile and wave like an idiot. Eren, hiding between the soldiers, had a time of his life watching her.

The palace was also much greater than anything that Mikasa saw in her life. It was more like a whole city, hidden behind additional walls, towering over the rest of the land. Untouched by the rumbling, it remained as grandiose as before, taking her breath away.

“I take it that you like your new house?”, Kiyomi purred from the right, “A step up from a cabin in the mountains, is it not?”

Mikasa wasn’t sure that she could agree with that statement but forced herself to nod either way.

Still in a bit of a haze from this all, Mikasa was led to luxurious chambers that felt out of this world, with Kiyomi saying that all this is hers now. It was crazy, considering that the most she ever owned was a tiny cabin. And the old woman was all smiles and nods until those dreaded words left Mikasa’s lips.

“Where’s Eren?”

“I… I’ll send for him.”

Both to give them a little privacy and because being in Yeager’s presence annoyed her, Kiyomi left soon after, saying that she will be back to escort Mikasa to the meeting with the ruling council. Finally reunited with her lover, the pair shared a hug before she pulled back.

“How’s Yams?”, she asked, curious about their animal companion.

“See?”, he grinned,  “I told you that you’d miss him.”

Mikasa playfully slapped Eren’s chest.

“Answer the question.”

“In the royal stables, loving it so far.”, he looked around, “Same as you it seems, this is quite the place.”

“Mhmm, not the same without you though.”

“I doubt that I can stay in your chambers without people gossiping.”

“That depends…”, she took a hold of Eren’s chin, making him look at her.

“Have you ever considered joining a royal guard?”

It was almost evening when Kiyomi came back, knocking before opening the door, flanked by two Faceless, to the Ackerman’s chambers. Mikasa was sitting at the table when Kiyomi came in, Eren was staring out of the window, and neither paid too much attention until she cleared her throat.

“We should get going to the meeting, lady Mikasa.”

“In a minute. First, we need to talk.”

A small crease formed between the old woman’s eyebrows.

“What about?”, she asked cautiously.

“I think that it would be better if you sit.”

“I think that I can decide that for myself.”

Coming closer, she leaned on the table. Eren also changed his position, standing behind Mikasa and putting his arms on her shoulders in some sort of protective gesture. Kiyomi didn’t like this – the closeness of the two, the air of mystery suddenly shrouding Mikasa’s words.

She didn’t like it one bit.

“If you have something to say,”, she forced her voice to remain level, “then speak.”

Exchanging a quick look with Eren, Mikasa put her hand over his before meeting Kiyomi’s gaze. And then she dropped a bomb that shook her to the core.

“The thing is, I do not plan to marry the Shogun.”

Her eyes, her grey eyes were burning into Kiyomi, and she felt her knees go weak. Her butt met the chair as she folded, doing so at the same time as Mikasa’s next words finding their way into her ears.

“I never did.”

[writehardwhumpharder]

Carson drabble - A new low (unfinished)

Carson stared up at his ceiling for the third night in a row. He was really starting to hate the look of it. Carson turned over with a sigh  to look out the window instead. The moon was bright that night, casting odd, dark shadows over already dark spaces.

"What am I doing?" He asked out loud to himself. No matter how long he laid there attempting to clear his head, he wasn't going to fall asleep. Not after what happened a few days ago at least. Carson was no stranger to nightmares, he usually had them a few nights a week, but that never stopped him from falling asleep before.

Even if he had stopped resurrecting living things when he was a kid, the memory would still haunt him. Death just isn't something you can forget. He'd stared into that black abyss, let the cold emptiness wash over him as he reached in to pull a soul back out. But this time, Death had pulled back. Carson always knew that there would be a limit to his powers, eventually the reaper wouldn't stand idly by while he messed with the scales of life and death. There was a natural, inevitable end to all life and Carson had found it the hard way.

It all started when a young woman died in a traffic accident on her way to work. Carson got to her a minute or so after the crash, while metal was still hot and smoke poured out from the ravaged engine. It was before the authorities got there, he was one of a small crowd beginning to form in the intersection. Seeing the young kid crying in the backseat, Carson didn't hesitate to grab her hand through the broken window and reach down for her fading soul. The world melted away around them and Carson focused solely on the energy in front of him. When he felt the lingering threads of life in the bottom of the black hole, he pulled, but a stronger force pulled back, and hard. Carson thought for a horrible second that it would take him too as he was swept up in Death's current. He struggled to separate himself from the woman’s soul which was being violently dragged deeper into that cold abyss. The message was clear. This was a soul Carson couldn’t take back. He was just a visitor here, given the privilege to retrieve souls from a power much stronger than himself. It was a privilege that could be taken away, and if that power wanted Carson, it would have him, plain and simple. Suddenly he was falling, sinking, fading, dying. Through either luck or mercy, at the last second, it let go. Pulling away like a receding tide, and then he was back on the street gasping for air. The world was so bright in comparison that he scrunched his eyes closed against the harsh light. Every fiber of his being trembled with fear and he clutched his chest protectively. A very young, very surprised paramedic stared down at him. She'd been reaching for the paddles to restart his heart when he jolted awake on his own.

"Sir, don't move, your heart just stopped for a moment. Can you tell me your name and how you were involved with the crash?" she asked.

"Oh shit... oh shit..." Carson mumbled to himself. He thought he'd only imagined dying and here this girl was telling him that those horrible moments he'd spent in the clutches of Death himself were real. He... he had to go home.

"Sir? Sir, can you-" she started again, reaching for his arm as he leapt up, still a bit dizzy on his feet. Carson didn't wait to let her finish. Once he was sure his heart could handle it he took off in a sprint down the street towards his apartment, his plans of going to the store completely abandoned.

When he got back he opened the door with magic, too desperate to get inside to mess around with the key. He slammed it behind him and paced back and forth a couple times before sinking into the sofa. Still trembling, Carson fought to regain control of his thoughts. Every time he thought about it he shivered all over again.

That was three days ago.

Carson managed to put the event out of his mind for periods of time during the day but each time he tried to fall asleep, he spent the night staring at his ceiling, blaring rock music most of the time to get his own brain to leave him alone. The whiskey helped with that too of course. Carson didn't make a habit of drinking often but every night since then he'd drink until drifting into a numb sleep, only to startle awake an hour or so later. When Carson saw Daniel yesterday he could tell he'd been giving him odd looks, but since he hadn't heard any of the usual screaming, he assumed Carson was sleeping just fine.

When morning finally rolled around the lack of sleep was starting to take its toll. His tired sluggishness was replaced by an odd jittery feeling and the simple task of sitting up almost made him throw up. After a few long moments of just sitting on the edge of his bed Carson decided to make some coffee. It was around 7am which was much earlier than he'd usually wake up but lately, time was blurring together and he looked forward to the morning when he could give up on the futile act of trying to fall asleep. Of course starting the day with so little energy didn't give Carson much hope for it but he had to keep going, they had a case to solve. It was probably better if he just tired himself out, Carson reasoned, sleep couldn’t evade him forever. But deep down, Carson knew that he was scared to close his eyes, because every time he did, it felt like he was dying all over again.

By the time his coffee was done brewing Carson was lost in thought again, leaning against the counter, staring at nothing. The beep that the machine made when it was done startled him so much that he jumped back, blinking his eyes to look for the source of the annoyingly loud sound.

"Right... right, coffee..." he mumbled, pouring it into a mug, skipping the milk and sugar. Carson stumbled over to the couch, looking for a way to kill some time until the rest of the world woke up. Or at least until Daniel did. Carson briefly considered waking him up in some obnoxious fashion but ultimately decided against it. Danny had enough to deal with at the shop right now.

"I need more friends," he sighed, "I need more sleep."

He decided to check his messages while forcing some dry cereal down his throat. The thought of eating disgusted him but Carson knew he'd only feel worse later if he didn't. Riley had mentioned that Morris wanted him to come to the station that day, she was probably expecting him to come in at noon but seeing as Carson had nothing else to do he might as well get it over with now.

The headache forming behind his temples was steadily getting worse, but honestly, when wasn't it? He slipped his pain meds into his coat just in case and put on his darkest pair of sunglasses before going out. Carson learned back in college that with sleep deprivation his alertness tended to fluctuate. Part of the time he'd feel almost normal, awake, energized. Then a few minutes later he'd struggle to simply keep his eyes open. The walk to the station was a lot like that. He’d go a few blocks without having any problems, just breathing in the fresh morning air to keep his brain clear. Then suddenly fatigue would wash over him again and threaten to knock him over. Carson grabbed onto a light post and bent over, trying to catch his breath. He took a few deep breaths before straightening then kept going. All in all, he only had to stop and sit down four times on his way to the station, which Carson considered to be a major victory given how shitty he was feeling. Realistically he knew he couldn’t keep going like this, eventually his body would give up on him. And it was exactly Carson’s personality to push himself to that point with a sort of  “do nothing and see what happens” approach. His mom wouldn’t be at all happy if she knew about that, Carson’s brain conjured up an image of the exact face she’d make and he burst out laughing, looking like a madman on the street. He wasn’t even sure what was so funny about it but with his brain being absolutely scrambled right now it didn’t really matter. Honestly, the lack of sleep wasn’t really his biggest problem. It was the constant anxiety that tore through him every time he thought about what happened when he tried to resurrect that woman. His nerves were shot and the caffeine he was using to compensate only added to the problem.

The police station came into view and Carson jogged the last few steps, just wanting to get inside. It was busy like usual but all the background noise stayed pleasantly in the background, too fuzzy to really bother him. The receptionist smiled at him as he walked in, he’d met her before a couple times.

“I’m here.” Carson said, stopping in front of her. His arms hung heavily at his sides.

“I see…” Janice trailed off, giving him an odd look as she took in his appearance, “I suppose you’re here to talk to Morris, you can head back to his office.” Her eyes lingered on him as he walked straight to the back corner of the station where Morris’s office was.

What she didn’t see was how hard Carson was trying to walk in a straight line, fighting to keep all his limbs in coordination. Hell, if he was at home right now he wouldn’t have even tried not to stagger into the wall, or maybe he’d have just crawled there. “Can’t fall down if you’re already on the floor”, Carson thought to himself, it was becoming one of the mottos he lived by. He walked past Riley’s desk where she was hard at work, filling in some forms. She noticed him and turned in her swivel chair.

“Hey, I’ll meet you in there in a minute,” she said. Carson looked at her like he understood none of what she had just said.

“I’m getting coffee.” He declared, heading to the break room. While Carson wasn’t really on the payroll, bagels and coffee were fair game, so he walked up to the machine and picked up the empty pot. Carson stared at it with a frown, not having planned on actually making the coffee himself. Wishing the pot would just magically refill itself, Carson racked his brain for some sort of instant coffee spell, he knew he had one. Just as he was about to start making a ritual circle in sugar, the door to the break room swung open and Riley was quick to whisk the pot away from him. He had this sort of vacant look today and she honestly didn’t trust him to use any kind of complex technology.

“Step aside, I’ll make it.” Carson did as he was told, watching patiently as she scooped some fresh grounds into the filter then filled the tank with water. The machine made some weird noises and started to drip hot, brown liquid into the bottom of the pitcher.

“Aren’t you going to take your sunglasses off?” She asked. Carson raised a hand to touch them as if he had forgotten they were there. Lowering them for a split second, Carson looked into the room, instantly being blinded by the bright fluorescent bulbs. Spots stained his vision for a few seconds before fading away.

“Nope.” He said, sounding certain.

“Whatever, here,” she held out a mug for him to take and didn’t miss the way his hands shook as he gripped the handle, “what’s wrong with you today?” Riley asked.

“Nothing, it’s,” the question was enough to send Carson’s mind back to that dark place again and a full-body shiver raced up his spine, “nothing.”

“Okayyyy,” Riley said sounding unconvinced but didn’t push the subject, “since you’re here we should head over to Morris’s office, he says he has important info. on the case and there’s some paperwork for you to fill out.”

Carson sighed deeply and walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbing milk and sugar to add to his coffee. “Paperwork, my favorite,” his voice was so dull as he said it that Riley couldn’t even consider it sarcasm. Carson looked her in the eyes as he slipped the flask, which he’d been keeping within arms reach the last three days, out of his pocket, pouring an unknown amount of whiskey into his coffee. His head was already killing him and despite the energy coursing through his shaking body, Carson wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor right then and there. This concoction probably wouldn’t help with either of those things but he had a state of semi-consciousness to maintain if he was going to get through the day. The goal was to be awake enough to move around but numb enough to keep the waking nightmares away. He’d never truly forget what he saw, what he felt, but given some time Carson would shake the feeling. He just had to get through a few more days to get it out of his head.

“Wow okay, not even gonna ask what that’s about…” Riley gave him a look of concern, judgement, skepticism, and pity all in one. Carson didn’t like it one bit but you can’t walk around looking a right mess as he was without getting a few odd looks. He followed her out of the break room and sank down into Morris’s sofa happily once they were in his office. Riley sat in the desk chair opposite Morris, actively ignoring him in interest of actually getting some work done.

Carson felt his eyes starting to slip closed, and suddenly sitting down wasn’t a very viable option. If he stayed on the couch any longer he’d fall asleep then probably wake up screaming. Not wanting to risk a new level of embarrassment in front of these people, Carson reluctantly dragged himself out of the chair and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest to try to get somewhat comfortable.

“You can sit down if you want to…” Morris said, not sure why Carson felt the need to suddenly stand up instead.

“Nah, I’m good.” Carson replied.

“Alright well let’s do the easy stuff first. I have two witness reports I need you to look over and sign. if there are any details I missed you can add them in in the spaces provided. Then I’ve also got a waiver for you. You don’t have to sign it but it would save me a lot of time. Every time you go and get yourself hurt on our watch it’s a whole mess of paperwork to get it sorted out. And knowing you…” Morris looked him over, not in a judgmental way necessarily, but Carson got what he was hinting at. It would be easier for everyone if he just waived their liability.

“Mmm yeah, sounds like a good idea,” Carson said tiredly, rubbing his eyes with one hand. Morris handed Riley the waiver first on a clipboard and she passed it along to Carson with a pen which took an unhealthy amount of fumbling for him to grab. Riley watched as his eyes quickly scanned over the paper. If he wasn’t doing that thing where he mouths the words to himself she would have thought he was going into REM sleep instead the way his eyes fluttered back and forth, only half open.  

**************

Carson understood maybe a quarter of the document in front of him but he signed it at the bottom anyway. His signature looked more like a scribble than it did letters but it always kind of looked like that… Riley leaned over and took the clipboard back from him and set it down on Morris’s desk.

“Okay and I already wrote up the witness sta-,” he paused, “they were right here a second ago…” he fumbled around. “Miller.”

That’s all he needed to say for Riley to know he expected her to find the documents. They were partially hidden by a stack of files she brought with her.

“There are two of them to sign. Make sure to read them carefully and add in any missing details. We summarized all the main points to speed things up but you still need to fill in the blanks.”

Carson accepted the clipboard again and risked sitting back down on the couch. This was going to be a bit more difficult than he thought. Okay here it goes… Carson squinted at the page.

“On August 18th, 2019…” He started. The rest of the words kind of blended together, “witness went to the location: Central Ave in Bushwick, Brookyn, New York…”

“You really don’t have to read it out loud. We know what it says,” Riley told him.

Shit that was out loud? He must really be losing it not to notice that. “Oh, okay, I’ll just read it then…” He reached for his mug instinctively and let it warm up his hand. Taking a sip, Carson forgot that it was equal parts coffee, whiskey, and sugar. He glanced into the dark liquid for a little longer than he intended to.

“I don’t think this is working,” Riley said. “Maybe it would help if I read it to you…”

She gently took the clipboard and mug out of his hands, setting the mug down on Morris’s desk out of his reach. “Okay, On August 18th, 2019 the witness went to the location Central Ave. The incident was described as follows by the witness: At approximately 10:30pm he came across a group of seven people all suspected to be magic-users. The suspects used…”

Eventually they got through the first statement and Carson even managed to recall a few more details to add in. He signed it and waited for her to move on the next one. Riley again acted as reader and transcriber.

“On August-“ Riley started to read.

“Um, wait a moment,” Morris interrupted her and pointed to Carson. “I think he fell asleep.”

“I guess we need to wake him up before we continue, right?” It was a genuine question from trainee to supervisor.

“Yes you need the person to be conscious for the interview,” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Don’t bother though. I want to get through a few of these files then we can get back to it.”

[reiddidactic]

“It’s always been you.”-Spencer Reid

TW:mentions of blood, and perceived death.

I had grown a custom to being in the background, that just comes with the territory of being in the B team of the BAU. What you thought all of those files Hotch, now Emily, spend all night looking over we’re solved by the magnificent eight? There’s a whole other team of profilers that live in the bullpen too, I am one of them. Today started out as nothing special, nothing spectacular. With my car parked in its usual spot and my hands fulleith my go bag, keys, badge, phone, and a tray full of assorted coffees I make my way to the elevator.

“You know bringing him coffee everyday isn’t going to make him love you” I hear the familiar voice of our technical analyst Garcia giggle as I step on to the elevator our floor already lit up.

“It’s the thought that counts Pen,” I huff attempting to tuck my phone and keys away without dropping one of the many things in my hands, “I can always pretend that one day it will”

She rolls her eyes at me, “besides the rest of your team might get jealous, and think you’re trying to leave them”

I laugh, “yeah right, my chances of being on the A team are long gone.”

We step off and make our way to the glass doors where we usually part ways, for most of the day.Except for today. As Garcia so lovingly put it today I have restarted trying to express my feelings through coffee, now I do wonder off towards my desk to put my things away but pull a coffe cup from the tray and write his name on it, quickly and sneakily walking towards Doctor Spencer Reid’s desk to drop off my gift to him, before retreating to my desk watch for the rest of his team to arrive so I can see the look on his face when he gets his mostly likely second cup of coffee for the morning. I wait mildly impatiently for them to come in one by one. First is Emily, then Luke and Matt, followed shortly by Rossi and JJ. Usually he’s here by now just as the worry starts to settle in, in walks his tall somewhat lanky figure. Brown curls so disheveled but also so neatly styled like his goal is bed headed curls. I watch him walk to his desk and set his things down before he turns and gives me that small smile of thanks as he picks up his cup. This becomes our reoccurring form of communication for the next few weeks.

After landing back in Quantico after an exceptionally difficult case I make a b-line straight to my desk hoping to bury myself in as much paperwork as humanly and inhumanly possible. A small post it note on my computer stops me from doing just that.

“I got you a gift after I heard about St. Louis, I figured you would bury yourself in work-“Spencer I smile and look down to my keyboard and a black box with a lilac colored ribbon tied around into a bow rests, with a second post it note reading “modern issues call for modern solutions” also in Spencer’s handwriting I open the box to find a pair of prescription blue light glasses, and briefly remember Spencer warning me that all of my computer usage could be the cause of my poor sleeping habits. I look up from my desk just in time to catch Spencer flashing me a smile from the glass window of the round table conference room.

Over a decade I’ve spent pining over this man, from our time together in the academy, to watching him go through the worst times of his life, all the while seeming to have taken the backseat in his life were I once was a huge part of it. Around the six year mark I decided it was better to be his in his life as a backseat friend then to press him for nothing more. I’ve watched all of his budding romances and wished to be the one that made him smile, made him feel normal and loved, but I know my role, I’m not the main character of this story he is.

Leaving that night I never would have thought someone would be so bold as to plant a car bomb in the vehicle of a B team agents car but I guess I was grossly wrong. Because as Spencer and I walk out of the elevator and down the rows of cars, hearing nothing but the beeping of a car alarm alerting that the doors had been locked or unlocked. A blast knocks us both on our backs. My ears ringing from the sound alone my head throbbing from hitting the concrete floor. I sit up watching through blurry vision as agent Cooper screams hurriedly trying to put out the fire covering most of his leg. Seeing the remains of his car engulfed in flames I turn to look for Spencer who had been right next to me. There he lays unmoving, but gasping for air. I rush to him as fast as my concussed body will allow.

“Spence?” I call trying to get him to respond, “hey you’re gonna be okay.” Trying to comfort him as I scan his body for what caused his sudden inability to breathe correctly.

“I’m sorry” he says through gasps for air and I focus on the pained expression on his face.

Ignoring his apology I brush his hair from his face repeat my now mantra, “You’re gonna be okay” seeing the pieces of shrapnel laying near him and the small but steady stream of blood leaving his abdomen from the piece of metal in his side, a part of me doesn’t even believe myself.

“Spencer you are going to be okay, help is coming you just need to stay with me” I force out grabbing his hand.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it out of this one kid” he smiled weakly at the pet name I’ve never outgrown. I shake my head causing more throbbing, “I’ve never said thank for the coffee every morning, or told you-” he coughs causing more pain and blood to flow from him “-how much you actually mean to me, all this time it’s been you”

“What do you mean?” I ask tears beginning to blur my vision even more, if he’s saying his peace now he won’t fight to stay alive long enough for someone anyone to help him.

“From the day we first started with the team, when you found out we weren’t assigned to the same team, I’ve loved you. But I never did anything about it” he groans reaching out for me I grab his hand, “I’ve been an awful friend, I’ve been mean to you, I let you let me make you my emotional punching bag, and you don’t deserve that”

I can’t bring myself to saying anything other than, “You don’t get to decide that, you have nothing be be sorry for” as tears stream down my face he continues.

“When my team used to make jokes about your team, I never stood up for you, I even went along with it, I said that you’re team was practically asking for all the losses that you took, you’re not only a better profiler than me, but a better person, you would never do the things I’ve done.” He almost smiles

“What do you mean?”

“All these years I’ve lied to myself about how I feel about you, and I searched for you in everyone I’ve ever loved or thought I’ve loved” he pauses only to cough some more before continuing, “JJ because being around her was easy, she always made it easy to talk to her about anything, she was like a replacement best friend for you, Maeve she was the one that was the closest to you, she understood me like you do, she made me feel like you did when we spoke. Always happy to hear my voice. Max, she made me feel normal, and loved. B-but if you put together all of their best qualities and the things that made me think that I was truly in love with them it makes you.”

By now I’m hysterical but the sound of someone running pulls my gaze from him as I was paramedics and the rest of our teams running from the opposite side of the parking garage fills me with hope that he will make it out of here.

“Spencer helps coming I just need you to stay with me, and maybe stop talking so you can save your strength” I cry he lets go of my hand to run his fingers through my long curly hair before resting his palm on my cheek.

“I don’t think I’m go in to get out of this one kid. But I need you to know that it’s you. It’s always been you” with a small smile he drops his hand from my face as the paramedics reach us and immediately start taking Spencer’s vital signs and radioing back to the ambulance, that it’s all clear to come in and to have the hospital ready on stand by; and I am numb as they begin chest compressions because he’s stopped breathing on his own. I am sobbing and broken as they start moving him to the stretcher quickly wheeling him back to the ambulance..

Three days in the hospital and I can finally go home, in theory, I instead go to see Spencer. Garcia told me he was awake yesterday. I get dressed and make my way down to his room, he is awake. I stand in the doorway for a minute before walking in further.

“Hey, I thought you were never going to come,” Spencer smiles at me.

“What happened to I’m not going to make it out of this kid?” I smile back.

“I didn’t think I was going to,” he says patting the spot next to him on the bed. I move to sit next him and he pulls me into his side, “I am happy to see you’re okay”

“Okay? I thought you were going die, couple that with literally not being able to hear how you were doing,-” he stops me by pressing his lips to mine, brushing my hair behind my ear resting his hand on my cheek. I pull back,

“You can’t fix this by kissing me you know” I smile,

“It’s a start, though” he returns the smile and I rest my forehead on his, “I love you”

“I love you more”

[flowerboyyoonbin]

Forever and always | Mark Lee

Pairing: mark lee x female reader

Genre: a lot of angst, fluff; gang!AU; gang member!Mark, pregnant!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: none really

Summary: a failed drug deal separates two lovers and leaves an unborn child fatherless

The sound of a ringing phone wakes you up. You'd initially decided to ignore it if it hadn’t been for the continuous calls following the first one. Letting out a long and exaggerated groan, you finally reach for the phone, looking at the caller id. It was Mark.

“Hello?” your voice was raspy and almost felt sore due to just have being awoken. 

“Mark, you okay?” you speak again as the other line remained silent. “Mar--” he cuts you off before you have the chance to speak again. “I’m outside your house,” and with that, he ends the call. 

You hastily get out of bed, walking towards your bedroom window to see a shadow figure moving towards your front porch. The figure looks up towards the window, Mark’s face coming into view. 

Taking the stairs down as fast as you could, almost tripping on your way down, you open the door for him. Mark immediately wraps you in his arms, closing the door behind him. The two of you just stood there for a while, his arms only tightening the grasp he had around you. 

“What happened?” you knew something was wrong. This wasn't normal behavior for your boyfriend who despised being too affectionate. Something had happened, something really bad, and it was starting to scare you.

“The deal went south; a shootout started and I guess some people nearby must have heard and called the cops. Most of the guys got caught from both sides, and I’m sure there’s gonna be a hit list on the rest of us soon,” your boyfriend finally answered your question after trying to find the right words just to end up with being straightforward with you instead of sugarcoating it. 

You were angry and upset. Not at Mark but the situation. This was supposed to be his last deal, Mark had finally managed to slowly cut all evidence to him being in the gang and their leader had been willing (after a lot of negotiations) to let Mark go, but with this newfound information you’d just received, you’re not too sure your peaceful life with Mark was gonna be as easy as you thought. 

“So you’re a fugitive from the police now?” you finally look up at him, your thoughts running lose and clouding your way of thinking a bit.

“Not the police. The gang we were dealing with thought we had called the cops, those idiots. They’re angry since their leader got caught and they,” he pauses, taking a deep breath in before he continues. 

“They saw my face. They know who I am and that puts me in danger, and if they find me here that’ll put you and our baby in danger as well and I can’t let that ever happen,” his hand slowly travels from your arms to your stomach, looking down at your growing belly. You and Mark were expecting a little girl in a few months' time. She was the reason why Mark finally decided to get his life together and start a normal, peaceful and legal life; he was tired and done running from the law.

You weren’t sure what was going to happen to Mark but whatever it was you knew you were gonna hate it, though it was inevitable. “What are you gonna do? What’s gonna happen to our family, to the life we planned?” you didn’t even realize the tears falling on your cheeks until Mark wiped them ever so gently away as if he was afraid to break you, his other hand still over your stomach as if to protect the baby.

Mark hesitated at your question. What was he supposed to do? He had a plan but just thinking about it broke his heart into a million pieces. It was the only way to keep your family save so he had to make the sacrifice, albeit you’d be paying it as well. He had wanted to spare you but the failed deal had ruined everything and it was costing you two your happiness. 

“I’ll have to leave. Not for forever though—no baby don’t cry,” he’d stop talking as soon as he saw the tears spill out of your eyes again, staining your cheeks. The picture of you crying, of you having to raise your daughter alone for an indefinite time. Having his daughter grow up without her father was the last thing he ever wanted but now he had no choice but to do exactly that and it broke him more than words could ever describe.

He held you tight, trying desperately to calm your shaking and screaming form. You were screaming and crying at this point, cursing him, the situation and even God. You were beyond furious, beyond upset. The two of you didn’t care if the neighbors heard, they could file noise complaints if they wanted to, you could care less at that moment. You felt like the world had stopped and for a second it felt like you had stopped breathing as well. You were praying to any god that was willing to listen to restart this day, to keep Mark from going to the deal. You knew it was impossible but you were desperate at this point. 

“You-can’t-leave-me,” you said through sobs. “Please,” you were breaking not only Mark’s heart but your own. You could feel the baby, it could feel your rage and you knew you needed to calm down for her sake. 

Mark was crying at this point, not being able to hold up his strong demeanor anymore he finally broke down crying. Resting his head on your belly he kept muttering apologies to both you and the baby. You slowly bring your hand to rest on his head, knitting your fingers through his hair to make him look at you. “Okay, you can leave, but I swear to God Lee if you aren’t back before her third birthday then I’ll start my own hit list and kill you myself,” you manage to dissolve some of the heavy tension though not a lot. You two stayed in that position for a few more minutes, Mark having lifted your shirt now to kiss your belly for the last time and you run your hand through his hair. 

The clock nearing three in the morning, you finally realize how long the two of you had been talking. His phone goes off, his gang-mate having found a way out of the country in safety meaning that this was goodbye. For now at least.

Holding your body as tight and close to his own he let the last couple of tears fall before wiping them away. As soon as he was to step out of the door his cold demeanor was going to be back on. He kissed you one last time, it was passionate, rushed, a tad bit aggressive but filled with emotion. The two of you were gonna be separated physically but the pair of you belonged together and you knew you’d find your way back to each other. Mark was certain that the pair of you were soulmates.

With one last bone-crushing hug, he finally took his first steps towards the door, never taking his eyes off of you. You let a final tear slip from the corner of your eye as you watch mark reach for the handle. He turns around towards you again, “I love you. Forever and always. And I promise to fix all of this and get back to you and our beautiful baby girl,” he took his first step out of the door. As he was about to close the door he heard you faintly whisper those three words back, adding a ‘forever and always’ as the two of you always did. He smiled to himself, already anticipating the day you two would meet again as he closes the door leaving you and your unborn baby behind.

3 years and 3 months later 

You were running around the house, preparing the last decorations before your parents would be arriving. It was your daughter’s third birthday and you had decided to invite your family over instead of celebrating it alone like you’d done the previous two years. 

You glanced over to the calendar you’d hung up near the door. You bought it the day Mark had left, though this was the third one you’d bought, and crossed out every single day off until now. You told Mark to be back before her third birthday. You didn’t know if you meant it or if he believed you did, but it was the closest to a date you had and therefore the only hope you had on seeing him anytime soon. 

It had been hard without him. When he left it felt like he took your being with you; you weren’t complete without him. It wasn’t until your daughter had been born before you snapped back to reality again; you had to stop pitying yourself and create a home where your daughter would never feel less loved than her peers. 

You were checking up on the food as you heard the doorbell. You stop at the couch checking to see if your daughter is where you left her. Ever since that night, you had been fearing that someday somebody would take away your daughter. You smile as you look at her, she was the product of you and Mark’s love. And oh did she resemble her father in every way possible. 

You walk towards the door slowly. Could it be him? Was he gonna keep his promise? All sorts of thoughts ran through your mind...only to be crushed when you open the door to reveal the mailman. He was holding a box that you had to sign for. You take it inside and answer your ringing phone. Your mom was calling. 

“Hey sweetie, I’m so sorry but we can’t make it today but we sent our gift in advance, did you get it?” Though you were disappointed you couldn’t blame your parents, they were getting older and lived all across the country. It looked like it was just gonna be the two of you for the third year in a row. 

You finish the phone call with your mom and turn towards your daughter giggling towards a toy who’d just made a funny sound. You’re about to walk into the kitchen again to turn off the stove as the door rings once again. Having lost all the mood to celebrate, you slouch towards the door. You sigh as you open the front door, just wanting to cuddle with your daughter in bed all day. 

As you open the door you came face to face with...

Nothing? 

You look around but there’s nothing around. Did kids still do doorbell pranks nowadays? You close the door rolling your eyes. You were definitely in a worse mood now. 

“Oh come on babe don’t be so upset,” you freeze. That voice, the one you’ve been yearning to hear for the past three years. You don’t dare turn around but at the same time, you can’t keep your body from turning. Were you hearing things? Were you finally reaching a breaking point? 

Slowly turning around while keeping your eyes close due to a fear of it all being a hallucination. You gather your courage and slowly start opening your eyes. You meet his eyes, and you swear you felt your broken heart heal itself at that moment. It felt like life had started again as if time had been frozen since that godforsaken night. 

The two of you just stare at each other, a dumb love-struck smile plastered on both of your faces. You open your mouth to speak but a sob breaks out instead and Mark has you in his arms within seconds. Holding you tight just like that night maybe even tighter. 

“You came back to me,” the words come out before another sob leaves your mouth. “You came back to us,” Mark kisses you, having thought about your lips on his for so long, he gets a nostalgic feeling making him smile through the kiss. It’s soft and gentle yet filled with so much emotion, expressing the unspoken words between you two. 

You break away from the kiss and walk towards your daughter, scooping her up in your arms. As you walk back towards Mark his eyes waters a bit seeing his daughter for the first time. She was more beautiful than he had ever imagined her to be. 

“Baby girl I want you to meet someone very special: meet your daddy. He’s gonna stay with you and protect you with mommy from now on,” you slowly hand her over to Mark who takes a step back due to the fear of actually holding her. You smile reassuringly at him, letting him know it’s okay and that everything would be fine from now on. 

Reluctantly he takes a few steps forward finally taking her into his arms. Being afraid of breaking her as if she was made out of porcelain he hugs her ever so gently but tightens it when she wraps her tiny arms around his neck, exclaiming with excitement his newfound title. 

Your words from a moment ago play through his head. He takes hold of you and kisses you again. 

“I promised to come back and love you two. Forever and always.”