#i started this back in nov but finally finished it today!

[curiosity-killed]

a familiar season

Word count: 2604

Content warnings: none!

Rajiat is an old woman when the imperator princep walks into her garden. Perhaps not in age—her own parents still live and would laugh themselves off their seats at her making such a claim—but somewhere in her wandering soul is a seed that has grown heavier, more compacted, than it ever was when she was young. She has lived through five rulers in Arradine, three kings in Soldato, her own son’s marriage, and more seasons of drought and rain than she can begin to tally. When Uther first suggested they step down to allow Rassler and Malia to take up their crowns, she had scoffed, but she has grown fond of the time permitted to her now to linger, indulge, rest.

The imperator shows far less ease with the idea. In the midst of a garden lush with late spring blossoms and designed to encourage meandering and relaxation, he stands stiffly and frowns faintly at the stone molding high above the plants. She lifts her brow, a little arch, at his choice of view. She invested far too many hours in designing this garden for it to be overlooked in favor of old stone.

Still, she supposes she ought to offer some leniency. It has been less than a year since he returned from the dead, and to her eyes, he left a part of himself there. More than—his right arm is crowned with a golden band but it does not hide the way he carries it a little away from his body and with more stiffness than his sword arm. His hair is tucked neatly in a high knot, but she has never seen either him or his mamán willingly forego the long tail that shows off the length of their hair.

Clearing her throat delicately, she pretends not to notice how he jumps and twists toward her with his hand tightening around his sword. Perhaps, she thinks as she gives him a polite smile and nod, he is also looking for rest in his own way.

Recognition eases the wariness from his expression and shifts his hand a hair further from his sword, and he gives her a shallow, respectful bow.

“My apologies, Your Majesty,” he says, “I did not mean to intrude on your peace.”

“Please, Your Eminence,” she says lightly, “the gardens were meant to be enjoyed by friends.”

He hesitates, thumb rubbing against the pommel of his sword in a manner so clearly thoughtless she nearly rolls her eyes. Trust Aeridians to make a gesture of threat into a self-soothing practice.

Straightening a little on her bench, she fixes him with what Uther fondly refers to as her imperial expression. It has, over the decades, served effectively against both rogue dignitaries and her own husband and son.

“Would you truly dare to claim that the brother of my son is no friend?” she inquires.

At that, guilt steals into his expression and he releases the saber to come perch on the very edge of the bench with a respectful distance between them. As soon as he’s seated, some of the strain in his shoulders gives way, and he stretches his leg out away from the bench. Ah, she thinks, tucking away that morsel.

He steals a funny look at her sideways, as if trying to guess where she came to that conclusion. She almost laughs: she was the one who first suspected his paternity, long before Uther accepted the concept.

“You must know I would never desire nor cause harm to befall Rassler,” he says. “On my honor.”

He says it so solemnly, with such worried conviction, that she almost feels bad. Instinct nearly has her reaching out to pat his leg reassuringly, but then, he is a grown man now and he is not her son.

“I would never scorn the solemn honor of an Aeridian, much less the imperator princep,” she says instead with a small smile, a hint of teasing in her tone, “but I confess, I have not feared that for many years.”

It’s funny to see him here, sitting under the dogwood arbor. He cuts so close to his mamán, with his sharp edges and weight perched as if ready to fly off at any moment—and yet, Aliras would have scoffed away this whole conversation, dashed it with biting remarks that never quite landed when she was flustered, and never even accepted the invitation to sit. Even looking closely, Rajiat can hardly see Uther in the young man’s face, either; his quiet attentiveness is simply something his own.

“I had your mamán’s word before you were old enough to toddle,” she explains, and then adds, wry, “and you are a hardly a stranger to my family. I have been privy to your growing up, you know.”

He concedes that with a small smile, ducking his head. His expression turns a little thoughtful, skepticism encroaching in the faint furrow of his brow and tilt of his head. Amused, she cocks her own head.

“Do you disbelieve me?” she asks. “Your mamán was a friend of a sort, after all.”

The wry look he shoots her suggests he’s heard a different version of that story. In truth, it’s been long enough since she was in Ancelm that she can’t guess what they say of her. She hopes they don’t think her some miserable old shrew who stole Uther away from their beloved empress—or, worse, some tragic maiden who was betrayed and trapped into a loveless marriage. These last thirty years have been an adventure, to be sure, but she has never had cause to doubt Uther’s love nor to feel terribly betrayed. After all, she was the one who gave him permission to continue his affair with Alir even before they were wed.

“It only seems imprudent to make a vow based on someone you do not yet know,” Callebero explains.

She hums faintly at that, tilting her head in consideration before giving him a wry half-smile.

“I confess, ‘prudent’ isn’t the word most often associated with your mamán,” she replies.

A smile quirks his lips briefly, and he tilts his head back as if to better enjoy the sunlight dappling them through the leaves. At least he’s not still looking at the stone, she decides.

“Anyway,” she remarks, following his gaze up toward the clouds drifting here and there across the azure sere of the sky, “I hold some faith in the knowledge that, should a dispute between Rassler and Malia ever grow too severe, they would be forced to compromise by virtue of neither wanting to give you up.”

At that, he snorts and shakes his head. A fuller smile appears, eyes narrowing in humor.

“I confess, I can think of few partners less likely to come to such a conflict,” he replies, slanting an amused look her way.

“Even you and your knight?” Rajiat asks.

In past years, when she was a queen speaking to foreign dignitaries, she would not speak with such casual ease. Even when she had spoken with him in the past, she had not been so nonchalant. Still, she is old to him, at least, and there was truth in what she’d said about his growing up. As much as she had been staunch in her stance that she and Uther would never raise nor tend to any children Aliras left behind, she feels some care toward Callebero. He had been a sweet child and then a solemn and grim young man, and though she bears no guilt for his growing up, she hopes for gladder futures.

His answer is slower in coming this time. He eyes her steadily, as if gauging her interest in such matters—whether she asks as a courtier prying for information, she imagines, or just a nosey old mother.

“Perhaps,” he says finally. “Though we have had less time to be as sure of ourselves as Malia and Rassler.”

As carefully as the answer is given, it’s more revealing than what she might have expected. She rewards the honesty with a gentle smile and then gives in to her earlier impulse to reach out and pat his hand lightly.

“I imagine you’ll get there soon enough,” she says. “In truth, I think most of a long relationship is simply learning to endure things together rather than apart—even if, sometimes, you are enduring each other. That, and savoring the joy together.”

She nods slightly, looking out over the garden in the palace Uther gave her. When she was very young, she had thought marriage all a matter of strategy—learning how to milk the most from one’s spouse in order to elevate their own status. Perhaps if Uther had been less agreeable and less easily loved, she might still feel the same way. As it is, though, she can’t help looking on her youthful scheming with a fair dose of amusement and pity. How wise she’d thought herself; how little she’d truly known.

Callebero looks at her a long moment, expression gentle. She can’t quite parse its exact sentiment; even with years of knowing his mamán and more yet of seeing him grow from afar, this quiet consideration is foreign to her.

“Your Majesties’ long partnership must attest to your wisdom in these matters,” he says, and she laughs.

“Such delicacy of language bodes well for yours,” she returns, and his polite expression cracks slightly with rue.

He looks much younger when he smiles, she decides, though the scars cut into his cheek age him more than she remembers. He had grown out of his baby face far sooner than Rassler, who even now still retains a certain roundness about his cheeks, but the tattoos on his chin that mark him an adult in Arradine’s customs had seemed absurd for years before this. They no longer do: somehow in the last year, he has grown into them and the new ones crowning his forehead.

“It is good to see you again,” she says, a little impulsive. “It grieved both our hearts when you were missing.”

She doesn’t say when he was dead, because she may have been the queen of Soldato for longer than she was a princess of Hiam, but she still carries some superstitions. Still—he had been dead for those months. She had held tightly to Uther’s hand and watched as her own son wept. Some part of her had surged with the desire to speak with Aliras, to demand if she had delivered this child into the world knowing at his birth how his life would end.

When they were young, back when Aliras thought her some kind of rival, Rajiat had looked upon the other woman with a mixture of pity and disdain. How limited her view had seemed, how quick her jealousy and capricious her affections. When she first heard Aliras had had a child, she had thought it little more than a callous and petty act: her favorite lover had taken a wife and so, of course, the imperator princep would claim an heir. Her opinion had softened some in catching glimpses of how Aliras doted on Callebero as a child, and it had calcified when she heard that Aliras had named her child her successor years before he was old enough to be considered of age in any kingdom on the continent.

She’s not sure, now, what she would say to Aliras if the woman stood alive before her once more. She has faith she’d come up with something in the moment, though.

Now, Aliras’ son looks at her with a faint wrinkle to his brow, as if confused by her admission.

“I am sorry to have troubled you,” he says and sounds painfully, idiotically sincere.

The urge to roll her eyes or demand if he has anything other than swords rattling around in his skull is briefly powerful, but Rajiat hasn’t made it through this many decades of political manuevering to be done in by a comparative child.

“It is in our nature to be worried by harm done to one we care for,” she replies mildly. “As I am certain it is in your nature to seek to protect those you care for.” To her surprise, Callebero winces slightly and squints up at the sky just-so.

“I confess, I have not often been skilled in that regard,” he admits.

Startled, Rajiat narrowly avoids laughing aloud at his grudging tone. He has changed, she realizes, more than the physical. She had never been close to him before, but to speak so frankly and to offer his own flaws with little prompting is a far cry from the guarded young man she had known before. Smiling a little, she leans back and considers him with faint amusement.

“Well,” she says after a moment, “they do say a good map can save a caravan years of woe.”

Glancing sidelong at her, Callebero arches an eyebrow wryly.

“And if they start drawing said map while already lost in the desert?” he rejoins.

Snorting despite herself, Rajiat offers him a small shrug.

“At least the stars are clear in the desert,” she replies, “and far better signposts than one’s instincts alone, most often.”

At last, he laughs. It’s barely more than a breath of air, but he ducks his head and a smile curves the corners of his cheeks. It is, as in many of her political endeavors, a small but worthy triumph. Straightening, he affords her the full weight of his attention, softened but not lessened by the warmth that creases the skin by his eyes and quirks the edges of his lips.

“Thank you for your company and wisdom this afternoon, Your Majesty,” he says, and though the formal diction has returned, there’s a lightness there that was smothered when she first saw him standing lost in the garden. “I did not anticipate such lessons when I found myself here.”

Waving off the thanks, she smiles faintly at the lilies she had insisted be planted directly in front of the bower. Their tall stalks sway with heavy burgundy blooms, waxy petals as long as her palm gleaming faintly in the sun.

“I am sure you know we old folks enjoy the opportunity to impart our wisdoms upon the youth,” she jokes, “great or small as they may seem.”

His smile deepens briefly, and he seems about to speak when he lifts his head, turning toward some motion in his periphery. He straightens almost immediately, his courtly posture brightening into clear eagerness. Leaning forward to follow his gaze, Rajiat hides a smile: an Aeridian commander stands in almost the exact same spot in which she first saw Callebero. His eyes, however, are fixed on the young man beside her.

“Oh, go on,” she says, leaning back on one hand while waving Callebero off with the other. “You two have waited long enough already.”

He flusters, ducking his head in embarrassment, but he doesn’t argue against her dismissal before rising. With a polite dip of his head, he turns and cuts across the garden to where his knight waits with love clear in his eyes and hand already reaching out for Callebero. Huffing a laugh, Rajiat turns her gaze away as they reach each other.

The dogwood ruffles in frothy rills around her, and she closes her eyes to breathe in the spring budding all around her. Uther will find her soon, seeking her out with the eager stride that’s carried him through all their decades of acquaintance and then love. She is content to wait, bounded by the gardens all rushing into bloom.

[punsmaster69]

4/NOV/20XX

[It's Sans' handwriting. It's a bit messy at points, appearing as if the book was on an unsteady surface.]

heya.

been a minute, huh?

a lotta minutes, actually.

about two day's worth of 'em.

papyrus finally ungrounded me from writing.

got my phone back, too.

on the condition that i, uh.

stop setting alarms.

won't go into detail about it.

besides, i gotta talk about 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆, right?

——

really do start a lot of these entries with 'woke up in x place, with x thing'.

....

it's another one like that.

this time, next to tori.

incredibly, i woke up before her.

the blanket over us looks like one of papyrus' spares.

haven't checked the time, but it must be early b——

[The line runs off the side of the page.]

....

hold on, i'm only able to use one hand, and this thing keeps slipping off my lap.

as much as i don't want to, gonna see if i can move my hand without waking her up.

——

[The writing returns to normal.]

ok. good now.

now that my nausea's subsided some, i realize i'm pretty hungry. but..

don't wanna move from this any more.

...

since she's still asleep.

——

"SANS, I-"

"(shh.)"

"(OH, SORRY.)"

"(I'M LEAVING TO TRAIN WITH UNDYNE. ACTUALLY, UNDYNE SAID SHE JUST WANTS TO TALK TODAY.)"

"(WHICH ISN'T TRAINING.)"

"(BESIDES THE POINT. I'M LEAVING, AND MS. TORIEL PROMISED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU TODAY!")

"(i need a babysitter?)"

"(IT'S FOR YOUR SAFETY!!)"

"(YOU WERE... STILL SORT OF WOBBLY, YESTERDAY.)"

"(DO YOU NEED ANYTHING BEFORE I LEAVE?)"

"(nope, i'm good-)"

"(actually. could you hand me what i didn't finish eating last night?)"

"(you don't need to heat it up.)"

"(BUT-)"

"(paps, you should probably go before undyne gets mad at you, too.)"

"(besides, i like cold stew.)"

"(...ALRIGHT. IF YOU SAY SO.)"

after handing me a spoon and my half-bowl of beef stew, papyrus nodded goodbye and dashed out the door.

——

.....

it's real quiet.

not used to being up as early as papyrus usually leaves for.

just me and... sleeping tori.

she must be comfortable.

our couch 𝙞𝙨 pretty nice.

——

couldn't help but wonder who's watching tori's kids, so i messaged frisk.

in response, i got a picture of grillby in tori's kitchen. he's handing flowey something.

at the bottom of the picture was frisk, blurry and way too close to the camera.

"why're you so close"

they then sent a picture of them even closer, equally blurry.

i sent a blurry close-up back.

"Why are YOU so close?"

"yeah"

"Yeah."

"cool"

"Cool."

that kid's going places.

——

"Your influence is rubbing off on me, it seems. I am usually one to be up sooner!"

tori jolted up.

"Ah! I did not mean to keep you in one place this whole time."

"not like i was going anywhere."

i wanted to lean back against her, for some reason.

...

nope.

"What is it that you do all day, when you are stuck inside like this?"

"sleep."

"...I think we have done plenty of that."

"Surely that is not all?"

"me and paps usually play games or something."

"been getting real into this puzzle one."

"do you wanna play something?"

"I am not very good at games..."

"i'll pick somethin' easy."

——

"This is turning out to be quite the house!"

"if you ignore the dirt floor."

"..And the lack of proper opening doors."

"at least we have windows."

"..holes for windows."

"Which one is your room?"

"this one."

"..You have made your walls dirt, as well."

"only the finest of materials in this house."

"Of course."

"here, i made a bed for you."

"Oh! Do we need to sleep in this one? I think we may have missed a few nights."

"nah, it's for setting your respawn point."

"...?"

"when we die, we'll be here instead of really far away."

"I see."

she stared at the bed.

"....."

"It is just the one?"

"mine's in my inventory."

"Please, place it down! Set your, 'respawn point,' in the house with me."

i placed it in the corner of my dirt room.

"....."

she moved hers into there as well.

"........"

"What? Surely you did not expect me to sleep in the living room."

"...side by side?

"The dual bed looks much more comfortable, does it not?"

"i can make you another one, if you want."

"........"

"No."

"This arrangement is good, I think."

"Space efficient!"

"....ok."

——

"Sans."

"yep?"

"Why are there holes everywhere?"

"avoiding death."

"You did not fix them."

"i'll get around to it."

"....."

"Nevermind."

"nevermind?"

"I am tempted to change our living arrangement."

"this poor dog would grow up in a broken home."

"You are its father now too?"

"you're its father?"

"Ha! Sure. Yes, I am the father."

"......"

"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU EVEN DOING?"

"O-Oh! Papyrus!"

"didn't hear you come in."

"YES, WELL, YOU SEEMED QUITE OCCUPIED WITH.. WHATEVER THIS IS."

"I DIDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT."

"I'M GOING TO GET CHANGED, AND THEN I'LL BE RIGHT BACK DOWN."

i waited until paps was fully in his room.

then i ran inside, took my bed, and placed it a space away.

tori ran her character up to me (with the default skin) and punched me in my (also-default) face.

"ow."

"It is in the game!"

"would you punch me if you could?"

"No!"

"I would do this."

and she moved her character closer, nearly face-to-face with mine.

struggling to use the hotbar, she eventually threw a flower at me.

silly, sure.

but it..

made me really happy.

....

wish it didn't.

——

"Papyrus is here to watch you now, so.."

"...going home?"

"Unfortunately."

"THANK YOU FOR KEEPING AN EYE ON HIM, MS. TORIEL."

"Of course. It was a pleasure."

"Sans, thank you for playing with me. I had a lot of fun!"

"Even if we did not actually accomplish very much."

"come by anytime you wanna play again."

——

she messaged me to ask if i ended up moving the bed back or not.

....

more space efficient like that, anyway.

[rocknrollsalad]

STWG Daily Prompt (Nov 30) - Running Out of Gas

if you squint it's also the prompt for today (Dec 1) - road trip

⛽ pairing(s): jargyle

🚙 Jonathan is having a tougher time than he lets on and it ends up all coming out anyway

😿 content/trigger warnings: i don't think there is anything

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 word count: 1273

🌲author's note: this is mostly an experiment in jargyle. trying it out a little bit and playing in this new sandbox but since I'm barely 24 hours late on it, I'm still posting it. for me lol. it's a cute and great idea I should expand on but time and so many challenges and stuff.

A lot was going on with the whole world ending stuff, Argyle knew he was supposed to care but what was he going to do about giant cracks in the ground? He couldn’t fight some slimy vine monster who haunts dreams or whatever. If anyone was ever just some guy, Argyle knew it was him. Maybe this Vecna thing really liked pizza.

Or maybe he didn’t have enough. Good food would make anyone less angry. Argyle ate all the time and he never felt like snapping people’s bones. But he left the monster hunting to all the people who knew what they were dealing with.

Instead, he took on cleaning, cooking, and talking with everyone. It was amazing what talking about anything other than the tragedy they were looking at did for them. Argyle learned a lot about dragons and some things about very boring, uninteresting dungeons. He also learned that even though the cop acted like he didn’t like to be bothered, he really, really liked being bothered. The more people the better, even.

So yeah, Argyle should have gone home by now but he was playing a real part in a very scary situation. He couldn’t leave now. Jonathan needed him because somehow in all this, he and Nancy found time to break up.

Jonathan finally had the tough conversation he’d been avoiding and they did exactly what he was afraid would happen. Only it was hard to be sad about it. Everyone knew it was coming, even his mom barely found any comfort for the guy.

Yet Jonathan moped. For weeks. It was hard to watch but harder to be around and none of Argyle’s tricks worked. As much as he tried to come up with a plan, nothing helped. It was worse than the lead up to spring break and if Argyle wasn’t making friends with everyone else, he might have gone back to California. Sure, he’d probably never see Jonathan again but he wasn’t seeing him now.

Joyce came in like the angel she was and asked Jonathan if he’d run into town and get some things and before she could finish her request, Argyle was offering to drive. Anything to get out of the woods and maybe having Jonathan away from everyone else (all to himself) would help too.

Reluctantly, Jonathan agreed but he didn’t know how to agree any other way. He took the keys since he knew the way, got into the pizza van, and headed into Hawkins proper to get some more lumber, a pipe, and more milk. An easy list, they’d be done in no time so Argyle had to hatch some sort of plan quick.

Had he not been thinking so hard, he might have caught the turn Jonathan didn’t make. The building they were calling the hardware store was now behind them. The “Now leaving Hawkins” sign was behind them by the time Argyle realized.

“Hate to tell ya, man, but you overshot the hardware store.”

“We’re not going,” Jonathan answered, so flat and empty. His mind was already miles away, busy only with keeping the car in the lane.

“Wh-ere are we going?”

“Dunno.”

“Right on.” was all Argyle could think to say.

It’d be a kidnapping if he weren’t willing to follow Jonathan into those cracks in the city or outer space. There wasn’t a crime, just a new adventure. One Argyle rode along quietly until the van started to shimmy and sputter. Jonathan eased it over into a pull-out among the trees and a cough from the exhaust killed the engine for him.

Not that it brought any more conversation to the van. Jonathan continued to stare straight ahead, hands at ten and two like the upright citizen he was. As Argyle went to say something, Jonathan’s forehead fell to the steering wheel, brought down by an unseen force. From there, he let it all out.

This was a new place to be, not the destination Argyle expected but he couldn’t help but think it was one Jonathan needed to visit. Perhaps desperately. It was hard to watch, Argyle likely wasn’t meant to see this but he’d crashed the party, and forced his way into this. As much as he wanted to say he wouldn’t have come had he known, it would have made him want to come more.

Rubbing Jonathan’s back just like that night those gas station sandwiches gave them food poisoning, Argyle inched to the edge of his seat and did his best to stay quiet. He knew a lot of things about Jonathan and one of the hardest ones to put into action was keeping quiet. There was something to be said for how opposite they were but Argyle liked that part best, really.

Jonathan may have been granted the quiet but Argyle couldn’t stop everything and the inching to the edge of his own seat wasn’t enough. Argyle moved over to crowd into the driver's seat to invade Jonathan’s space. Room was immediately made for him. It didn’t take long for Jonathan to turn and curl up against Argyle to get that comfort and affection he so rarely asked for.

By that point, Jonathan was cried out but not ready for much else. Leaving Argyle to watch the cars go by and let his friend share some of the weight he held.

As selfish as it was, it all made Argyle feel better too. Being a help was at the top of that list. Even if it wasn’t asked of him and he probably wasn’t anyone’s first pick for this, he was here and willing. But it forced him to slow down to think about everything. Not just what Jonathan was going through but what he’d be dragged into.

He hadn’t been paying attention to know how much time had passed, somehow a lifetime and not enough, but Jonathan broke the silence with an obvious announcement, “We’re out of gas.”

“There should be a can in the back and I don’t mind taking a little walk.”

“I’ll go with you. You won’t know where to go.”

“Thought I’d just walk straight, something would show up.”

The silence said that was the right answer but they both let it pass by.

“I’ll come with you, we don’t know what’s out there,” Jonathan tried again.

It was a little difficult untangling from the shared seat and made standing out on the road feel empty and expansive. Argyle wanted to climb back in and stay there until the guys at home sent out a search party. They’d be mad but it’d be worth it.

Instead, they walked around to the back of the van and Argyle rooted around until he came up with a small gas can. Holding it above his head like a grand treasure, waiting for that familiar look of annoyance. Of course, it came before Argyle had his arms fully extended. Jonathan was still himself at least.

Without a word shared between them, they both walked in the same direction. Jonathan slid his hand into Argyle’s free hand and drifted closer as they wandered down the shoulder. For as weird as everything had been, this felt incredibly normal. Like they’d been doing this their whole lives.

Whether it was for comfort or something more, Argyle didn’t care. Friends could hold hands without it being something. At the same time, them doing this at eighty played in Argyle’s mind. A life spent side by side. Decades of annoying Jonathan seemed like a great use of his time.

“We’re gonna have to call your mom when we get there. She’s probably already worried.”

“I know.”

[monthofsick]

No second chance for a first impression

Nov(emeto)ber 2022, Day 2: Hiding it (or at least trying to)

OCs: Calvin, Cassandra

This one's a bit of a slow burner. I'm often too impatient to draw out the nausea part, but the "desperately trying to hold it in" trope seemed so fitting for today's prompt.

TW: Vomit

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sometimes, the unwritten laws of social behavior made the simplest things incredibly complicated. It was such a fine line between friendship and romance, easily crossed with a single step. But for some reason, it was commonly seen as the most drastic of changes. All of a sudden, there was so much more at stake and the shift in dynamic created a ripple effect, strong enough to tear an entire circle of friends apart.

And still – Calvin couldn’t deny that he liked Cassandra. Liked her in more than just a friendly way, and it only got worse over time. She was obviously gorgeous, but the real issue began after he got to know her better when she wasn’t with Natalia. Nat and Cas were high school besties – an unlikely friendship between the glamorous queen bee and the nerdy art fanatic. Maybe the obvious difference in popularity was the reason why Natalia’s personality rubbed off on Cassandra way more than the other way around.

Cassandra was strong, undoubtedly, but Calvin wondered if the in-your-face confidence and feisty attitude were acquired traits to hold her ground next to a natural born diva. It was exciting to discover her creative and quirky side. Her dreams and plans and favorite things. The countless craft projects she had started, but never finished. It was like pieces of a puzzle coming together until everything made sense.

If only there weren’t so many pitfalls if Calvin dared to make the first move. If Cassandra rejected him, their interactions would inevitably become awkward for all eternity. If she was ready to take the leap, but they would eventually break up, their friendship would be doomed. And no matter if their relationship worked out or not, it had the potential to shatter their friend group.

Long story short, Calvin wasn’t quite ready to go all in, but he still used every opportunity to spend time with Cassandra. So when she invited him to her little sister’s school performance, he was over the moon. Due to the limited number of seats in the auditorium, every family was only allowed to bring one friend, and Cas had chosen him – not Natalia, him. Calvin decided to dress for the occasion with a dark grey jacket, a petrol coloured sweater and black chinos.

A good first impression was especially important since the whole thing felt a bit too close to meeting his future in-laws for the first time. Calvin’s anticipation was soon overshadowed by increasing anxiety. As he finally arrived at their meeting point in front of the school, his stomach was in knots. It didn’t help that Cassandra looked absolutely stunning in her light blue dress with puffy sleeves, an empire waistline and a short, yet very voluminous skirt. Just in case she needed anything more than her unicorn hair to stand out from the crowd.

Doing his best to hide his nerves behind a smile, Calvin approached Cassandra and her family. Her parents were formally and modestly attired, a stark contrast to their daughter’s preferred clothing style. Calvin had worried that he might be overdressed, now he almost regretted not showing up in a complete suit.

„Hey, Cal, over here!“, Cassandra waved as she noticed him. „Mom, Dad, this is Calvin.“

„It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Petrakis“, Calvin greeted and shook their hands with a firm grip, hoping his palms wouldn’t be sticky. „Thank you for having me.“

„It’s a pleasure“, Cassandra’s mother replied. Her tone was polite, but it lacked cordiality.

„You look younger than I expected“, Mr. Petrakis remarked. Whatever that was supposed to mean. Calvin felt a drop of sweat running down his back.

„Oh, yes, I get carded all the time“, he laughed and scratched his head.

„Our daughter told us that you are a very responsible and hardworking young man.“ Mrs. Petrakis‘ facial expression was impossible to read, but for some reason, her seemingly kind words made Calvin even more uncomfortable. „We hope you can have a positive influence on our Cassandra. She seems to believe that a solid education is out of fashion.“

„Or a solid marriage“, Cassandra’s father added. Calvin felt a lump in his throat. His intuition hadn’t deceived him, this was uncomfortable as hell.

„…or maybe we could not have this conversation right now.“ Cassandra’s smile had turned from genuine to forced in record time. „Let’s go inside before the buffet is empty and the best seats are taken, shall we?“

„You can tell me more about your academic ambitions later“, Mr. Petrakis said and gave Calvin a pat on the shoulder. „Now let’s watch our beautiful Carissa sing. She even has a solo part.“

Calvin and Cassandra exchanged one last look before they followed her parents into the brightly lit school building.

-

The variety of savory, sweet (and rather greasy) treats looked enticing in theory, but Calvin wasn’t hungry at all. Maybe it was because his nerves hadn’t been given a chance to calm down yet. He grabbed one of the tuna sandwiches and a large cup of water, hoping no one would notice that he spent most of the time drinking instead of eating. The white bread was soggy and bland. Calvin was glad when they finally entered the auditorium and took their seats. Cassandra placed herself between Calvin and her parents.

„Sorry, I should have warned you“, she whispered into his ear.

„Nah, it’s fine.“ The last thing Calvin wanted was to make her feel even more embarrassed than she probably already was. If he ever wanted to be more than just a friend for Cassandra, he had to get along with her parents anyways. Problem was, he didn’t feel fine at all. The small triangle of toast he had consumed refused to settle in his stomach. He took the last sip of water from his cup, but that only made things worse. Maybe drinking so much hadn’t been a good idea. Calvin felt the liquid sloshing around in his belly, accompanied by a gurgling noise.

For a moment, Calvin thought about taking a trip to the restroom. But then again, the performance was about to begin and he really didn’t want to squeeze by Cassandra’s parents and the other people in their row. It would probably get better on its own if he just focused on deep breaths and tried to relax.

The big show started only moments later, validating Calvin’s decision not rush off to the toilet. He shifted around in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position. A stern‑looking lady on stage gave an overly long speech before the choir finally entered the spotlight. Cassandra nudged Calvin with her elbow and pointed at a girl with long black hair. Calvin nodded, hoping he hadn’t winced in pain. The slight push had hit him like a blade in the intestines, followed by a series of cramps.

Calvin placed a hand on his abdomen. There was definitely something going on beneath his palm – a constant bubbling and boiling under the bloated, sensitive surface. He felt queasy and began to doubt if it was actually just his anxiety.

At last, the choir broke into a rendition of Imagine, drowning out the angry growls Calvin’s stomach produced. But even though the students created beautiful harmonies, the strong sensory impression only fueled his nausea. Calvin clung to the mantra he repeated inside of his head – inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. It didn’t make him feel any better, but at least it gave him something to focus on.

Two songs later, things had only gotten worse. At this point, Calvin felt his shirt sticking to his back. Why did he have to wear so many layers anyways? He couldn’t tell if he was just warm or feverish. Another jab hit Calvin‘s side and he could barely hold back a moan. Fighting hard not to show any signs of his growing discomfort, Calvin leaned towards Cassandra as she brought her lips up to his ear.

„Next is Carissa’s solo.“ Her breath tickled as she spoke. Under different circumstances, it would have probably turned him on. Now it messed with his senses even more. He made a sound that resembled mhm, then stared at the stage again. His stomach heaved like an elevator, riding straight up towards his throat. To Calvin’s horror, it actually brought up a mouthful of warm fluid. He instantly swallowed it back down, but it left a bitter taste and a mean sting.

Calvin felt like the excess water inside of his belly was foaming as if he had ingested washing powder. There was no way he could leave right now, just before Carissa’s big performance. On the other hand, there was no doubt he would be banished forever from the Petrakis household if he ruined their beloved daughter’s solo by puking all over the guy in front of him. He had to hold it in, even though it seemed like a losing battle.

The sweet melody of Somewhere over the Rainbow filled the room. Carissa was illuminated by a single beam of light. Her voice was enchanting – clear, bright and innocent like that of an angel. Calvin took a peak at Cassandra and saw that tears welled in her eyes. She was often annoyed by her younger sister, but she still loved her. She was proud. Just thinking about her anger and disappointment if Calvin destroyed this special moment felt like punch in the gut.

Maybe it was the mental pressure on top of the nausea that caused his stomach to cramp again, sending up a surge of vomit. Calvin clamped his lips together and forced the foul tasting liquid back down. It caused his stomach to churn and twist even harder. The acidic taste of spoiled tuna made his mouth water for all the wrong reasons. No matter how often Calvin swallowed, the saliva would rapidly fill up again. His abdominal muscles wouldn’t stop tensing, determined to initiate the purging process.

Never had a song felt so much like an excrutiating eternity. Calvin’s breath had become shallow, he barely dared to move his body at all. When finally, the last note faded out and the audience gave a well-deserved applause, it took every bit of Calvin’s strength to share an enthusiastic smile with Cassandra. He knew that she expected some kind of glowing reaction, so he clapped and nodded and prayed internally that it looked like he had thoroughly enjoyed the show. Cassandra seemed to buy his act, probably due to the bad lighting.

There was no time for relief. The next song followed immediately, and so did another gush of sick. It flooded Calvin’s mouth and assaulted his tastebuds with the flavor of rotten fish. Swallowing suddenly seemed like a complicated exercise and he needed several attempts until he finally managed to choke down the regurgitated mess. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it again. Standing up didn’t seem like a managable task either. The movement was probably enough to make his entire stomach contents burst out of him.

Calvin didn’t have much time to think of a rescue plan. His belly was fed up with his stubbornness and convulsed painfully. Now it was a much bigger wave that rushed up his esophagus. Out of sheer desperation, Calvin bent over like he was feeling for something on the floor. His cheeks bulged out, but he couldn’t clutch his mouth with a hand – he needed one to pretend he was fumbling around and the other one to reach for the cup he had emptied before. The only dam between him and the storm tide were his lips, pressed together as tightly as he could.

Careful not to make a suspicious movement, Calvin brought the cup to his mouth, begging that it was big enough to contain the flood. Then he finally parted his lips and let the vomit pour into the container. It wasn’t as much as he had feared, but he wasn’t done yet. Another stream of liquidy puke shot up his throat and it took all of Calvin’s body control to let it out with nothing but a muffled hck. The cup filled up quickly with milky fluid and shreds of tuna. Calvin knew that he had to stop now if he didn’t want to risk that his receptacle would overflow. Unfortunately, the stench of his own sick was enough to make him gag again. The fact that he was doubled over so much that his face was hidden between his legs, didn’t help either to fight the force of gravity.

With his eyes pressed shut, Calvin brought up a thicker mush of tuna paste and toast lumps. They plopped into the pool of vomit, causing it to rise even more and more, filling up his cup to the brim – but not enough to break the surface tension. Calvin took a few breaths through his mouth before he was certain that nothing else would come out of him. As carefully as humanly possible, he placed the barf cup under his seat and wiped his mouth. The nasty brewage had smelled absolutely sickening when it had been right under his nose, but since it was mostly water, he hoped that the odor wasn’t strong enough to alert his seat neighbors. Calvin braced himself before he casually sat up again.

The first thing he saw was Cassandra, staring at him with wide eyes.

She knew. She had noticed. Of course she had – it was an impossible mission to throw up discretely in a row of seats. Calvin’s cheeks radiated heat and he couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. He felt thoroughly defeated and humiliated. Wrapping his arms around his aching stomach, he sank further into his seat and waited for the nightmare to be over.

-

It didn’t take long for the nausea to creep up at Calvin again. There was a glimps of false hope when the last song ended, but then he still had to endure the exuberant applause, an encore, a closing speech and even more applause. When the show was finally over, Calvin’s stomach was at his throat. He had no idea how to face Cassandra or keep up the facade in front of her parents. All he wanted to do was to flee the scene, head home and curl up under his blanket for at least a week. On top of that, Calvin felt horribly guilty for leaving a brim-ful cup of puke for the unsuspecting cleaning crew, but now that the lights were on, he couldn’t pick it up without everyone noticing.

With legs that felt like pudding, Calvin trudged behind the overjoyed family. Mr. Petrakis couldn’t stop praising his daughter’s immaculate performance while his wife had to mention that Cassandra used to have quite a pleasant singing voice as well. When the parents were already heading towards the exit, Cassandra suddenly stopped.

„Can you guys wait outside for a minute? Nature’s calling and I gotta listen.“

„Sounds like a good idea.“ It was quite the challenge for Calvin not to chime in too quickly. If he looked anywhere near as awful as he felt, his attempts to keep up a happy face and a relaxed posture were destined for failure anyways. Gladly, Mr. and Mrs. Petrakis were still busy reveling in parental pride.

Cassandra grabbed Calvin’s wrist and pulled him along. To his surprise, she headed past the restrooms, down another corridor towards a flight of stairs.

„Uhm… haven’t we just missed the turnoff?“ It was supposed to come off as a joke, but Calvin’s voice sounded awfully strained. Walking made his stomach spiral out of control and it wasn’t long before he had to blow chunks again.

„Have you seen how crowded it is? Sorry, but I don’t think you’d make it if you had to wait in line. Plus, there’s no way I could sneak in with you unnoticed.“

„Wait… why would you do that?“ Calvin paused as climbing the stairs only fueled his inner turmoil. He simply didn’t dare to keep his mouth open. A sickly groan formed back in his gullet as his belly spasmed again.

„Why wouldn’t I? You’re sick. Obviously. Would be kinda shitty to leave you alone like this.“ Once they had reached the second floor, Cassandra steered Calvin towards a small niche with three garbage cans. „Here we are. Go ahead and lose the rest of your lunch. The other restrooms are locked at night, so you don’t have much of an option.“

„But… someone will have to clean it up… I feel bad enough for the barf cup under my seat.“

„Don’t worry so much. There’s a trash bag inside, they can just dump the whole thing.“ Cassandra pushed him towards the large buckets, then put her hand on his back to bend him over. Calvin sighed and gave in. The idea of throwing up in the open made him feel exposed and vulnerable, even though no one but Cas was around. However, it was definitely better than hurling all over the floor. As soon as Calvin brought his head closer to the containter, intense nausea exploded in his stomach. He jerked forward and retched sorely.

„Come on, get out the poison.“ Cassandra slapped him between the shoulders, forcing out an even more violent, yet still unproductive heave. Suddenly, Calvin felt Cassandra’s breath on his cheek. Her soft lips were so close that they almost touched his skin. Her long lashes tickled his jawbone. Then she whispered with a low, sensual voice: „Seafood platter.“

Calvin’s stomach lurched instantly and projectiled a massive wave of puke out of his mouth and nose. The trash bag crackled as it was weight down by the copious amount of liquid. Cassandra stayed close to Calvin, firmly rubbing his back.

„There you go“, she soothed him. „Vomit it up, babe.“

It was the first time Cassandra had called him babe, but Calvin didn’t have much time to rejoice. He coughed harshly as a thick mass crawled up his throat and slipped over his tongue. Calvin cringed in disgust as spongy chunks of bread plunged into the lake of sick below him. With his arched back convulsing against Cassandra’s palm, Calvin gagged until he brought up watery bile, clinging to his lips and nostrils in long, slimy strands. He continued to dry heave and spit until his stomach finally realized that it was empty.

„Fuck… I’m so sorry“, he panted, hands braced on his knees.

„What are you apologizing for?“ Cassandra dug out a packet of tissues from her bag. „Can you turn your head a little so I can wipe your face?“

She carefully cleaned away the stubborn strings and stains, then she let Calvin blow his nose. He couldn’t hold back a retch when he felt soft chunks coming out of his nostrils.

„Hope I didn’t spoil the evening for you“, Calvin rasped and straightened himself.

„Don’t be ridiculous. That super secret tactical chunder was impressive as hell. You didn’t spill a single drop. Even though I’m pretty sure no one would have judged you if you just went to the restroom instead.“

„I didn’t want any of you to notice.“ Calvin’s head felt even warmer than before. Good thing that his dark skin made it harder to tell when he blushed. „You know, this was my only chance at a first impression and…  y’all were so thrilled when your sis had her solo, I didn’t want to ruin the moment. And then it was too late.“

„You know what?“ Cassandra’s lips quirked up only the slightest bit. She wrapped her arms around Calvin, careful not to squeeze him too tightly. „That’s actually super sweet.“

Calvin’s heartbeat accelerated, but this time it wasn’t caused by nausea. Her touch and her closeness were both comforting and exciting. He wished he could take Cassandra home and cuddle up with her in bed until he felt better. If only her parent’s weren’t waiting outside.

„Thanks for, you know, taking care of me.“

„No biggie. I would have probably puked as well if your parents greeted me like this.“ She smirked and looked up at him. With the height difference between them, Calvin could have easily rested his chin on top of her head. „Come on, let’s tell mom and dad that you have to cram for a big exam. Best way to get away quickly and impress them with your dedication.“

„Sounds like a plan.“ Calvin was still shaky on his legs, but with Cassandra’s hand holding on to his own, it was a lot more tolerable. Maybe the outcome had been worth all of his efforts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Archive of our own: Up all night to get Bucky

tumblr: birdnamedenza

[codenameq]

October 1985 || Six Months Will Never Be Enough || Eddie Munson x Reader

Near the start of the 1985 school year, two teenagers meet, unaware of the firestorm headed their way in six months. 182 days. What would you do with that time?

Eddie Munson x Reader //  Fluff  //  Slow Burn  //  Will follow events of season 4

Parts

[ October 1985 ] [devil's night] [nov] [dec] [jan] [feb] [mar]

Monday, Oct 7, 1985. Hawkins, Indiana.

All the anxiety build-up going into today turned out to be a waste of energy as YN released a long heavy sigh of relief in front of her open locker as she stacked her math textbook away. She had been holding her breath all day, waiting on things to go sideways. Hawkins High had dissproved the US TV trope of the popular kids being overtly mean for no apparent reason and more welcoming than she had hoped. Even Chrissy, the head cheerleader, had shown her around the school campus that morning. All the jokes and syke-outs from friends back in London based on the 'Happy Days' reruns were baseless.  

Over the summer, after receiving postings to the US embassy in East Berlin, her parents sent YN to live stateside to finish high school. The wish was to keep YN out of the mess of post- second world war Germany, which was made worse by the escalating Cold War.  She was still in early elementary the last time YN went to school in the states.

Behind her, on the wall of lockers, two boys stood by as one with long curly hair and a DIO back patch on his jean vest duked it out with his locker.

“Common," Eddie grumbled through gritted teeth. The frustrated chuckle came through in his voice, "Help me out here, man." He yanked at the locker handle with manic fervour.

"I thought you were going to talk to the office. Get yourself a new locker assignment" Gareth stifled a laugh as he took a drink from his can of coke while taking a small step back. He didn't want to get into Eddie's line of fire.

"Yeah, well," Eddie aggressively slammed a piece of paper on the locker door next to him, his fingers following the written locker combination as he twirled the lock again. "I forgot. Been busy trying to get this year's campaign polished off for you freaks – Finally, god damn it." The lock clicked, and Eddie swung the locker door open, shoving the locker combination piece of paper into the inside pocket of his jean vest. He pulled out a small army green metal lunch box before turning back to face Gareth and Jeff. "I had to tweak the numbers. After adding three new players, I had to shift some things–" 

YN caught Eddie's large deep brown eyes for a moment as she pulled her purse over her head. He was intimidating at first glance; the metal head look would do that to anyone, but his eyes were kind. YN could feel her cheeks flushing as Eddie flashed her a boyish smile and a lazy wave. 

"Hey"

YN broke eye contact to grab her new copy of The C++ Programming Language1 book from the locker before shutting the door. "Hey, yourself." A smirk spread across her face as she looked back at Eddie before walking away. She didn't want to be late for her first Computer science club meet.

As YN walked away, she could hear Eddie ask his friends, "Have you guys seen her before?"

"I donno. I haven't had any classes with her." Gareth replied

"YN? Today was her first day; she’s now in my homeroom class. Cute, huh?" Jeff laughed.

"Yeah, cute." Even from a distance, she could hear the smile in his words as he watched her turn the corner.

"Jesus chr–" The frantic clambering rang through the empty school hallway. Eddie had tried to lean against his locker door, but while watching the cute new distraction walk away, Eddie forgot he had just opened the locker and unceremoniously fell inside. YN could still hear the roar of laughter from his friends echoing around the corner as she opened the door to the computer science club.

School was done for the day, but her math teacher Mr. Younge had mentioned a computer science club that YN might find interesting. He wasn't wrong. Computer Science and Engineering was in YN’s plans after high school – MIT was calling her name. 

"Ah YN, glad to see you decided to join!" Mr. Younge stood up from the only computer in the room. Five students, two at the computer with Mr. Younge, and the three others were at a cork board covered with dot matrix printer paper.

"As you can see, we only have one computer allocated for the club's use. So most of the coding and debugging will be analog while the computer complies the code from the last club meeting." 

"Sounds great! Where do you want me?"

"You can help Dustin Henderson; he is working on debugging some code."

A younger boy with a "thinking cap" baseball hat poked his head out of the group surrounding the cork board with a broad smile. He raised a friendly hand waving YN over. "Great! We need fresh eyes. I'm Dustin. Wait. Is that the new C programming book?" Dustin's mouth gapped at the large book in her hand.

"Yeah, they are calling it C++ now, though." 

"Seriously?" Dustin scoffed as he opened the book. "That's original."

YN laughed as she walked past Dustin to look at the code on the wall. She was going to like this kid. "Jesus. Is that what we're trying to debug?"

"Yeah, it's a goddamn mess." Dustin rolled his eyes, placing the book on the desk beside him. "Not my code, though." He quickly added defensively.

"Do you guys mind?" Pointing at the paper, YN reached for the cup of markers beside the cork board, pulling a red one out.

"Go for it; I have been looking at it for too long. My eyes are bleeding–"

"It's missing a bracket here." YN circled the offending line in red.

"No way," Dustin murmured as he walked up the board, looking at the code circled in red."… Shit, nice catch."

"My eyes are fresh, that's all." YN looked back at Dustin with a smile before turning back to the code." If the code was cleaned up a bit, it would have been easy– Oh, semi-colon needs to be here too." She circled another bit of code further down the sheet. "That book," With the marker, YN pointed to the book Dustin had just placed on the desk. "Kinda covers the Kernighan & Ritchie Style. It might be useful to get everyone on the same coding style."

"No kidding." Dustin laughed as he picked the book back up to read through some of its pages.

 Friday, Oct 18, 1985. Hawkins.

"You gonna sit with us, YN?" Chrissy tugged at the elbow of YN's sweater. "Oh my gosh, what is that?" Chrissy, her big blue doe eyes, glancing at the thick red duotang folder that held around 300 sheets of 11 x 14.5" dot matrix printer paper that YN was struggling to keep balanced in her arms.

The troubleshooting wasn't going well. The code YN found out was for an attendance program that the school was looking to start using next semester. The club had already attempted to compile the program twice, but it was still "farting out errors," as Dustin so eloquently called it. 

Her lunch tray balanced on top of the duotang folder containing the revised code just printed on Monday. YN had been pouring over it all week, notes and comments were marked in red throughout the document, but she had isolated the critical issues to just two pages – she hoped. It just needed fresh eyes on the problem. 

"More code." YN smiled at her new friend. Chrissy was the opposite of who pop culture told YN she should have been; 'too sweet for this world’ was an understatement. "I need to talk to someone from the club today. I'll catch you in math this afternoon."

"Okay." Chrissy nodded with a kind smile before walking away. 

YN adjusted her grip on her lunch tray and the almost whole ream of paper, her palms were sweaty, and her heart fluttered in her chest as she eyed the Hellfire club sitting at a table towards the back of the cafeteria. All YN knew of Hellfire Club was that It met on Fridays after school, signified by the self-made shirts they all wore for their game day. Today she needed to talk with Dustin about these new printouts, and lunch would be the only time to catch him.

YN had only been at Hawkins High for two weeks, yet, a monstrous crush with a will of its own had taken hold of YN. Leader of Hellfire Club. Super Senior. Alleged drug dealer. Eddie Fucking Munson had been slowly destroying any shred of dignity YN could pull together when they were in the same room. 

He is just a boy, no big deal. He probably won't notice if you sit down. YN let out a heavy sigh as she watched her mantras crumble around her like glass as in typical Eddie fashion; he abruptly got up from his seat for today's performance.

 "Are you warriors; destined for greatness?" He growls akin to the dramatized voiceover from a movie trailer and firmly plants a foot on top of the chair he just evacuated. Mimicking a stoic stance right out of a fantasy movie. "Or itty bitty goddamn children who cower at the first ass-kicking they get." He taunted, shaking his hair like it was a paid actor in the Eddie show, added in for dramatic effect.

"You said it was going to be a sadistic campaign, but Jesus, man, the last session was brutal." Dustin chimed in.

Eddie sat back down, resting his elbows on the table, glowering at the group, practically daring them to back out of tonight’s session. YN overheard Eddie mentioning ‘D&D’ at his locker one day. She only assumed that was the current topic of their conversation.

He's calmed down, kind of; I'm not going to find a better time. With a feeble attempt to shake off the nerves, YN quickly walked over to grab the empty seat to Dustin’s left before her courage ran out.

"Hey, what's up, YN?" Dustin mumbled through a forkful of today's special: mac 'n cheese. 

"I took a look at Monday's printouts," Yn dropped the heavy red duotang folder on the table for added effect, avoiding all eye contact with the head of the table," and I'm going to murder Josh." She quickly sat down in a huff. The nerves left her body only to leave behind the seething rage she had been feeling before catching sight of Eddie as she entered the cafeteria.

Dustin drew a sharp breath with a grimace, "Still bad, huh?"

"Brutal, the formatting looks like he did a faceplant on a keyboard and was like, 'Yup! Looks good.' " YN opened the book and leafed through some of the pages to point out some mistakes to Dustin. 

YN's shifted away and directed attention to the mac n' cheese in front of her before anyone could talk to her. Eddie's silence was deafening.

"That's a lot of red," Dustin closed the book in mock disgust.

"I think I narrowed the problem to two pages. Think you can take a look this weekend?"

"If the great and powerful resident yellow rubber duck couldn't figure this out, what makes you think–"

"Hold on." Eddie chimed in, bemused. "Did you just call her a great and powerful yellow rubber duck?" YN's eyes looked up in the direction of the question, a warmth spreading across her chest as her eyes met Eddie's, who was still smiling, filled with amusement.

"Uh, yeah." Dustin laughed. "Turns out YN is amazing at finding problems in code."

"I'm still not making the connection, Henderson." Eddie leaned back as he slipped a pretzel into his mouth, carefully eyeing the silent YN and Dustin.

"It's a programmer trick; if you get stuck working on a code problem, you get a rubber duck and explain to it the problem you're trying to solve. Nine times out of 10, it helps sort out the programmer's thoughts enough for them to figure it out." Dustin shoved another forkful of mac n' cheese into his mouth to stop himself from talking.

Eddie laughed as he leaned back in, looking directly at YN this time. "So, to be clear, your Henderson's rubber duck?"

YN tried to hide the small nervous smile as she looked up at Eddie from her food. "If it helps you to understand. Sure, I'm the duckie for the computer science club."

Eddie chuckled as he looked down at his watch, a broad, mischievous smile on his face. "Well, gentlemen. I have somewhere to be. I will see you at Hellfire tonight." He got up from his chair, walking directly over to YN. She could feel his eyes on her before he placed his hand on her right shoulder and squatted down beside the chair, making himself eye level with her on her left side. All she could focus on was his hand and arm laying across her shoulders and how close his face was to hers. Breathing? Totally optional.

 "And you are welcome to sit with us at lunch anytime. Duckie." With the last word, Eddie bobbed his head closer to YN's as he teased, as if for emphasis, before letting go. Bouncing up from his squat beside YN, Eddie walked away, shoving the army green metal lunch box under his arm as he dug into his pockets for his pack of smokes and lighter on his way out the side door of the cafeteria that led to the sports field.

With the other guys starting up the conversation between themselves again, Dustin leaned over. "You walked directly into that, Duckie ." 

Dropping her fork onto her lunch tray YN buried her face in her palms. "He’s not going to let that go any time soon, will he?" 

With the last large mouth full of his mac 'n cheese Dustin mumbled, "Nope."

References

1. Wikimedia Foundation. (2021, October 28). The C++ programming language. Wikipedia. Retrieved August 3, 2022, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_C%2B%2B_Programming_Language

Resources

Spotify Playlist based off Eddie Munson's Battle Jacket

[claykitty-studyblog]

- nov. 11th, '23

today i didn't finish a lot of tasks - the list ends with reading the "new atlantis" snippet and making myself flashcards. nonetheless i worked all day - from 2pm until midnight i've been up to something.

i made an attempt at studying excel but that only ended in animating for my final. decided to pick back up another project i started a few months ago. think i animated for a good chunk of today.

[sarasa-cat]

The first week of staycation self care Nov wraps up today. What was accomplished in the last 7 days?

- lots of sleep to just catch up and then start moving my sleep schedule back to this time zone.

- learning some new recipes and new cooking/baking skills for very healthy recipes that have a strong comfort factor and are also very budget friendly (but a bit time consuming and requiring planning bc it is all from scratch, right down to soaking beans the night before and lots of veg prep 🔪, which can be meditative or good for poscasts and audiobooks)

- lots of walks while bundled up ahhh yes

- reading for the sake of reading; starting a new V in cp2077

- finally making time to be social with quite a few different ppl although almost entirely online bc we are all scattered. Even those who are localish are burdened with heavy schedules. It’s all good. But lol, video connections were really messed up and idky.

- making time every day to do various PT/yoga exercises that keep older injuries a little more manageable

- watching the autumn leaves 🍁 out the window while recovering from a flu shot that surprisingly knocked me out hard and gave me a very upset stomach. Yuck!

……….

For week two of self care Nov, I don’t want to set actual “goals” bc that automatically feels anti-self care to me and like a recipe for burnout.

Mostly just continue to replenish my body budget and finish paying off body budget debt.

I want to spend more time returning to my projects of interest (fun stuff and self-directed pro stuff) just because those things listed in my mind are mental self care for me.

Feeling a DEEEEEP NEEEEED to dive in head first in CP2077 fandom. Mmmmmmm good feels so hard to describe.

I actually feel ready right now to enjoy the second half of this month.

Ahhhhh.

[jmrothwell]

Nov & Dec ‘22 Prompts

AO3

Spinning a Yarn (G):  AO3 ; Tumblr

“I was wondering if you could go to the craft store with me.” He asked as he rocked where he sat. (Julie & Willie)

Getting Warm by the Fire?  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Why doesn’t this place have central heating?” Reggie’s muffled voice came from somewhere within the blanket pile. (Reggie/Alex/Willie)

Cold Never Bothered Me  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Now, Alex knew stereotypically Los Angeles didn’t get that cold. However, the fact that he could clearly see his and Luke’s breath, he knows Luke should definitely be dressed warmer than he was. (Alex/Luke)

A Beautiful Melody  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Luke eyed the papers spread out before him, a colorful collage of inks taking shape into a beautiful melody. It wasn’t finished, not yet but he was close, he was so close he could taste it-or hear it rather. If only he could figure out what was missing. (Luke/Julie/Reggie)

On Your Side Forever More  (T) : AO3 ; Tumblr

The last time any of them had heard from Reggie was as school ended. When he’d insisted, via text, he had to go home really quickly before practice. He further insisted he would be fine and they should all get started without him. (Reggie/Everyone)

Happy at Home  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Since when did we have mistletoe?” Luke muttered as he eyed the bunch hanging over the base of the stairs. (Reggie/Everyone)

We've Been Good (But We Can't Last)  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Julie probably could just try and peek in through the windows to see what her ghosts were up to. But that would just add extra time if she needed to get in to stop something stupid. Which from the sounds and bits of conversation she was catching was more than likely the case. (Julie & Alex & Reggie)

Ghosts of Holidays Past  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Reggie had few fond memories associated with holidays. (Reggie/Luke/Alex/Bobby)

Holiday Movie Night  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Movie nights at the Molina’s had gotten weird. Ray had insisted the group move movie night inside the main house. And for some reason it was like everyone forgot how to be comfortable with each other. (Gen Everyone)

Bushels of Fun  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr 

This was the first time in a long time they’d finally be able to break out all the boxes of decorations. It was also the first year they’d spend Christmas at the home they’d bought years ago. Julie couldn’t wait, and she hoped her guys were just as excited as she was.  (Julie/Reggie/Luke)

Reindeer Games (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

A box landing on the table with a dull thud pulled Flynn’s attention to a green eyed mischievous smirk. “I’ve got a new challenge for us.” Reggie chirped. (Flynn,Reggie)

I’m With You (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

They were coming back, Julie repeated it like a prayer. A mantra she quietly whispered under her breath as she walked.  (Julie,Reggie)

Let it Snow (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Didn’t you hear?” Alex laughed as he ran his fingers through Willie’s silky hair. “It snowed last night.”  “Oh?” Willie’s eyes brightened (Alex/Willie)

Blanket Made of Stars (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Who thought a winter camping trip was a good idea anyway? (Julie/Reggie)

Stain on the Vision (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Bobby didn’t usually have this much difficulty breaking free from bed. However, something felt off about today (Bobby/Luke)

On My Team (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Carrie Wilson's first movie night at the Molina house in a while.(Carrie & Everyone)

Last Cookie  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Reggie slowly crept his way back to the kitchen, certain he wouldn’t be missed. None of the adults had really paid him any attention since he arrived. (Reggie/Julie)

Secret Santa (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“I was thinking that it might be fun to do a secret Santa for gifts this year?” Reggie plastered a smile on his face as he brought the small bowl of names from behind his back with an enthusiastic shake. (Reggie/Everyone)

Silver Moon's Sparkling  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

He’d found a good spot leaning against the railing of the patio area, attempting to see any form of starlight in the sky above. His search was interrupted, “this spot taken?”

He turned to see a curly haired young woman about his age. Her dark eyes shined bright like the stars he couldn’t find. (Reggie/Julie)

Midnight Kisses  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Luke’s scowl melted into a smirk as he elbowed Reggie’s ribs, “hoping to kiss someone special tonight?”

“No,” Reggie squeaked, with the lighting it was hard to tell for sure but Luke was willing to bet good money Reggie’s face was close to matching his flannel in color. His face scrunched up as he scratched the back of his head, “I don’t know, maybe.” (Luke/Julie/Reggie, Flynn/Julie/Reggie)

[nicistrying]

Mon 21st Nov:

Was off yesterday but Matt was working so I went to visit my parents for my stepmam's bday. The first half hour or so was actually quite nice but once they'd had the extra couple of drinks they didn't need I was so ready to leave. Had a little cathartic cry when I got home.

Worked early this morning and the young duty manager from yesterday had left the rudest handover so I was seething about that. Especially given that he'd spent God knows how long typing it up instead of writing the important bits in the book like everyone else.. and then I had to go in and clean up the mess he'd left everywhere and actually get the store tidied up for opening so I was running behind all morning. So that put me in a dreadful mood BUT Uncle Manager was back from his week off today. We had a good catch up and he took me to McDonald's to get lunch to cheer me up lol. We sat and ate it while watching the start of the England match.

Finished at 4pm, walked Maggie quickly before it got completely dark, and have been doing coursework and Christmas shopping all evening. Almost midnight and I'm finally off to bed. Day off with this gorgeous lady tomorrow, can't wait 😍

[elizabethplaid]

daily notes - june 10, 2024

I did really well on Friday, going out on the town and not crashing too badly. Saturday, I still felt in good spirits, though I was sleepy. I don't remember a lot of specifics of Sunday, aside from returning to bed a few times, even going to bed early.

Same thing today: returned to bed a few times. Notably, the internet and games hold less appeal for me. Not really interested in being awake, though I'm not rushing back to bed. I don't have the energy or inner-drive to think a lot. Pretty sure this listlessness is related to my cycle; started my period Saturday night.

Yesterday and today, I read a few webcomics that I had set aside. Many episodes to binge, so it was nice to stick with a story for a longer amount of time. It's funny, because I've been avoiding the ones that update weekly. I guess my heart wants to stick with a single story for some time, rather than the usual juggling of several titles.

Tonight, as dinner was baking in the oven, I was shaking and had involuntary muscle contractions. (IE symptoms of anxiety) Before and after? Only feeling lightheaded and weak. Well, I feel the shaking right below the surface.

I have another dental appointment in like 2 weeks, which really can't be canceled. So I'm going to devote my energy to recuperating. After the appointment, I'll try to pay attention to how I'm feeling. May's appointment coincided with my friend's visit, so I'm not sure how much of the stress on me was just from the dentist or from the combination.

Speaking of which, I told phone-friend that I didn't want to meet up until July or August. September is my friend's wedding, though I know she'll understand if I can't stay long for that, or if I don't feel well enough to go at all.

Sometime in Oct/Nov, we hope to visit my relatives in NH, as well. They wanted us to visit this spring, but it'll just be my dad. I prefer visiting in the autumn, because the leaves are absolutely gorgeous in their neighborhood. I also like browsing the Halloween offerings at their Goodwill. I've had my eye on some devil horns for a while, so I might finally get those on my next visit. =======

My short-term goals are to just rest and observe what I can. Won't push myself to return to the library. Longer-term goal: recover enough to work on crafts. I have things planned for Christmas gifts that require embroidery, along with finishing LL-K's scarf-hood.

I was told not to worry about a birthday gift for phone-friend, but it's going to poke at my brain if I don't. I had a "normal energy" idea planned, but I need a back-up idea, too. If all else fails, I know a book should be a welcome gift, perhaps an art book. Or a bookmark? I have some nice scrapbooking supplies for that.

[giyuulatte]

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Created by TumblrTop10

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (616): Thu 23rd Nov 2023

Today was the final day before shit gets real at work and we have to start working an extra day at work and an extra hour on all of those days. I'm dreading it because by the end I will want to die and take everyone on the planet with me as punishment for daring to take me away from my extra day tucked up in bed watching YouTube videos. I'm trying to make the positives outweigh the negatives and of course they do because the positives will be that I will have a boatload full of money by the time 2024 rolls around which I can put towards my holidays to Gran Canaria, Greece and Hawaii. Another positive will be that this will be a great opportunity to lose a bit of weight since I will undoubtedly be spending the next six weeks walking up and down the factory floor delivering carts so if I can just suppress my appetite accordingly I could potentially arrive in Gran Canaria with a six pack…well, a two pack maybe, in fact even that's being optimistic...I could potentially lose enough belly fat that I will be able to travel in jeans and not in swimming trunks like the last time. I had another chiro appointment today so back through to Newcastle but luckily there were no train delays this time. Apparently they must have finished cleaning up all the glue that spilled onto the tracks when a truck overturned a month or so ago and rendered every other train unable to be at the station on time because that's the only explanation as to why they were being cancelled. After my session I went into TK Maxx to buy some new trainers but there were none that caught my eye. I did however pick up an amazing white checkered coat for only £29. I'm actually not sure if this is a men's coat or if a woman had just left it in the men's aisle so I may be cross dressing if I wore this but if Sam Smith can go to a red carpet event dressed as Darth Vader's vagina then I think I can get away with wearing a woman's coat.

[fenimores-book-nook]

Self care writing: Day 9 :)

Nov. 27 - 2023, Monday 4:50 pm

Goooooood late afternoon! I think it's a perfect time to start my writing for today. I feel like I've accomplished quite a bit today, so yay!

Morning:

I started out my day with some reading in bed. After getting up and getting dressed, I did some journaling and just reflecting until I had to leave for an appointment. (which went smoothly, yay!)

Afternoon:

After my appointment, I stayed in town and grabbed an iced White Chocolate and Toasted Marshmallow latte from a local coffee shop. ;) Then, I went to the store to get lunch and scope out some books I wanted. (sadly, I didn't get any today) After the store, I headed to the library and spent a good amount of time there! I got three graphic novels: Pumpkin Heads by Rainbow Rowell, Cafe Kichijouji by Yuki Miyamoto and illustrated by Kyoko Negishi, and Unfamiliar by Haley Newsome. Sure, I'm already reading like four other books, but it's fine. Graphic novels are a good break in between them. :) Plus, I've been wanting to try Manga, so I thought I might like Cafe Kichijoui, the overview of it sounded cute.

Later in the day, not quite evening but evening:

Since I came home from the library, I did some house chores, finished writing a card and putting together the secret santa gift I'm doing with my siblings, was going through other Christmas gifts I need to get for people, and now this. :)

So, I've felt that it has been a productive day, and a pretty good one too. Tonight at 7 I have community choir practice but other than that, I can chill. I might do some reading or more journaling, we'll see. ;)

Here's a random photo of Lucy Gray from The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. :) (greatest movie) Speaking of The Hunger Games, I just finished re-watching those works of art last night and was close to restarting them all over again. But instead I started re-watching Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. Which is also a very good and funny movie.

~

Flash forward a few hours, it is 10:27 pm currently. I recently got back from choir practice tonight where a close friend and I talked for a while afterwards. Practice was alright, I think I'm ready for the concert to come and be over, though. But it has been fun to do it with close friends and have my old choir director again. :)

Earlier tonight, I finally got some NaNoWriMo writing done! I hadn't worked on my novel for quite some time because I think I just needed a break from it and I was more focused on this kind of writing or journaling. But I got some done and I'm proud of it!

(I need to find a fresh one of these but this'll do for tonight!)

3 things I'm grateful for ~ 1) People who choose to be kind to strangers. 2) The ability to change my perspective on certain things. 3) For today, it was a good day.

Something incredible ~ When I went to the store and was looking in the books section, there were two other people in the same aisle that I didn't know. One of them asked, "Have either of you read Colleen Hoover?" The other person said yes and I said no. (I should try at least one of her books) And even though I wasn't really a part of the conversation from that point on, it was lovely to see two complete strangers just talking about books. There was this energy that felt like we were all there because we really loved books. And I just love that. :)

Something I learned ~ Even if I don't think of it at first, really, anything can be made into a goal. And it doesn't matter how big or small it is, if it's important to you, if it helps your mental health, and help you achieve what you want in your life, it's an important goal.

My feelings about my goals ~ I guess I don't necessarily have goals right now. Or at least, more simple goals. I have goals that'll take a longer amount of my life to achieve but the smaller ones that relate more to now...I suppose I could include my reading. ;) I am feeling..many things with that goal. I still have a long ways to go with Iron Flame and the book club book I have, we meet tomorrow and I am not even halfway. Which will be fine, I'll just get spoilers. I am proud of myself for consistently reading A Merry Little Meet Cute, though. It's a perfect read for me right now; I'm very much in the Christmassy romcom mood. :) I could also include my writing as a goal! I am feeling good about that one. I got novel writing done today--whoop whoop!!--I've been journaling pretty consistently, and I've been keeping up with my self care writing!

How do I want to wake up/show up tomorrow ~ I want to be ready for the day, for work, just in a good mood during the day and keep the momentum after work. :) And be excited for my first book club meeting, and attentive because I may be running one of my own at some point. ;)

I asked my sister on face time what a good ending was and she said:

~ *The End* ~

So, until next time, ;)

Thalia <3

[dumbdisassterbi]

Nov. 10. 23. Day 6/100

I went to my bfs campus today and got some work done in the library while he had class. I started compiling research for my ethics final project. We picked up some stuff from his dorm before coming back home since he's staying at home for a bit.

We grabbed drinks at a local wawa before coming and heading to the gym together. After, I finished reading my assigned book for Irish lit, The International by Glen Patterson. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

[sara-joseph]

Day count blog 3!!!

22 June, 2023, and i just finished counting how many hours left till they are back. i was reading through the older day count blogs, and guess what, that shit was so comforting. I may have changed a tad bit, but I'm still the same. Festa 2023 was a huge success, and i loved every second of it. 893 days more, we'll wait.

27th June, 2023. This is amazing, I almost started crying when I heard the maknae line was at yoongi's Seoul concert. And there's an encore, obvi. Wow. But I just keep telling myself, let's sacrifice everything this year, so I can make it in 2025. Like everything, the concert screenings, the book, the merch, the late night talks, EVERYTHING. anywaysss, 888 days more, we'll wait.

2nd July,2023. JJK1 is cominggggg. Ahhhhhhh csushs8anahausnsbsb. I swear to god- this man dropped the schedule plan, and his abs are already out. He came live to promote his solo single, and he promoted everything except Seven, like the beautiful wall(um iykyk) his new lip piercing and all. Hobis more turned one and his put up a story. 883 days more, we'll wait.

7th july, 2023 WHAT THE FUCK. concept pics+short clip for seven is out, the abs are out, my brain's not working, my mouth wont close, and my eyes have fallen out. all i need to know right now is, which jackassed dumbfucked mf said that Seven is a summer song? like honestly though. there is an explicit version ffs- also, my bitch of a sister has snitched abut the "guy" contacts saved, and the phone is goneee. 878 days more, we'll wait.

13th July 2023. SEVEN COMES OUT TOMORROW. Han So Hee and Jk are playing a coupe who are like arguing in the MV teaser! its my godfather's 50th birthday tomorrow, and we're skipping school for a one day resort trip. alsooo, it was army day on 9th, and beyond the story is out. 872 days more, we'll wait.

23rd july, 2023. seven is outttt. and dude fr reated an explicit version only for one line, but it changes the whole meaning, i swear. i had my last sports day at shs, and ended up crying for atleast 30 mins. future me, always remember, team chandu forever. idk what this is but, g, the cl is kinda attractive. tae is cartiers ambassador, and the one pic they posted, the one necklace of 22 lakhs was sold out, and the website crashed. slept at 4:30am last night, talking tea about others with rp. 862 days more, we'll wait.

2nd august, 2023. if i haven't mentioned before, i've decided to move on from this childish grudge against Sc. yea, im immature. Rr and Sr, Tkb, Ynb are probably gonna come around nov, idkk. tae's album is announced. jk breaaking more records, his personal tiktok s out, after he posted the seven challenge with kim mingyu from svt, it was initialy named "Ian" which was on the draft list for his stage names before debut, he quickly changed it to "letjungcook" after getting embarrassed that we'll tease him. even his tiktok account broke the record for the most number of followers within an hour or something, which was actually held by bts.852 days more, we'll wait.

7th aug, 2023. its funny how much emotions have changeed. the past 3 days were the encore concerts of D-DAY, min yoongi. kook was the guest for the first day, performing Max's part from burn, then after yoongi left, he performed seven. we finally got rapper jimin tony montana after 7 years of trending hashtags and begging. the, on the last day rm came and performed an unreleased song as a gift and rocked a buzz cut, to which all of us thought he was gonna enlist soon. highllight of day 3, YOONGI'S 7 TATTOO IS FUCKING OUT!!!!! its on his left shoulder, right where he was injured. and bam, another shocker, Jin AND jhope attended the concert. FUCK MY LIFE. all that even caused panic in the subway in sk, apparently. and right when everyone was soaring with this joy, today yoongi has announced his enlistment. WOW. 847 days more, we'll wait.

22nd August, 2023. Wow, it's been days since I updated this. It's been a hectic time, the past 2 weeks, future me, if you're reading this, and if you've finished boards 23-24 , please remember that this was a shit load of fucking bullcrap. And yea, I'm here, at 2:37am, swooning over the leads having their first kiss in ep 3 after 5 almost kisses, and a sex dream. Anyways, 832 days more, we'll wait.

24th August, 2023. Yea, bout the drama, they ended up hooking up atleast 50 times after, then cutting it off, then back together. Yup, nevertheless. I finished that, and stayed up doing my 2 months overdue geography project, and watched red, white and royal blue till 4:20 am, slept soon after and woke up 10 mins later to turn off my first alarm for the morning. 97 liners meet up again, tae is giving out mv's like it's free air, and we are lovin this shit. 830 days more, we'll wait.

4th sep, 2023. My sleep schedule is fucking messed up. Like literally, it 3:12am rn, and I'm still planning on making a whole Spotify playlist before going to sleep. And, my exam starts day after. How much more stupid can i genuinely get. Tae with the fan is soo cuteee. And jk's birthday just got over and I saw jimins "jk birthday post" seconds after it was posted, and had a mental debate with myself if I could call To only to fangirl along and technically walk into exposing my fucking insta, AGAIN. Chikkappa is flying in on 11th nov, and I can't waittt. 819 days more, and we'll fucking wait.

11th sep, 2023. my exam tomorrow jus got cancelled. rm's bday is tomorrow, layoVer is more of a "SLAYoVer". and jk was snapped smoking. the other post- 812 days more, we'll wait.

16th sep, 2023. halfway through mid terms, vmin drought is over. jk posted smoke challenge on tiktok. jin be postin random clipssss 807 days more, we'll wait.

19th sep, 2023. Yoongi's enlistment date is out and he's leaving day after. his last live was so emotional. i think im going through my baby army phase again by watching all the old army edits and compilations on youtube. jk for dazed and vogue korea is the death of me, but it dosen't surpass seven concept photos and CK. i have officially fucked up my half yearly examination. 804 days more, we'll wait.

29th/30th sep? 2023, half an hour into 30th September. Body to body to body to body to body. Jungkook. Wow. He keeps coming out with such hits for real tho. My birthday shopping is doneee. I never thought I would get a fucking strapless dress, but um okay ig, since mom picked it herself. Jimin for Tiffany, and I was just re-watching 2018 bbmas and the host had no clue what BTS's fanbase is. 793 days more, we'll wait.

4th oct, 2023. jk was live an hour ago, v posted with jimin and jk, rm posted. everyone except jin, hobi and yoongi in the military were seen today. jungkook is basically on the ARMY side of tiktok. 4 days to my birthday and JJK1 is coming on nov 3rd. 789 days more, we'll wait.

21st Oct, 2023. My sweet 16 was like okok ig. My life is like genuinely fucked right now. Boards are preponed, pre boards are in 11 weeks, timetable is up, and I've been fighting with mum since yesterday non stop. Also, my family is like completely broken, and I'm definitely the cause for that. Not to remember but it's her birthday today, and ik I'm not obliged to wish her, but don't know why I wished through her sister. Kid Laroi and Shawn Mendes are featured on golden, jimin made a cameo in Vicnic, jimin is havin a fanmeet a while later and Rm is in the UK for some reason. Jk also attended the Ck event at Japan. 772 days more, we'll wait.

12th nov, 2023. Wow- so much has happened. Golden is out, it screams party jk and lovesick jk at the same time. V and jn turning up at jk's house is never not funny. My mom just finished screwing me cause I took pics in a bar that are giving complete gay, and I don't even feel bad tbh. Chikkappa is coming tomorrow morning.750 days more, we'll wait.

4th Dec,2024. It's like 12:06am rn, and i have missed a whole month of this. Life is genuinely fucked up at this point. I have my phone taken away and I'm like actually studying now. We leave for church this week and chikkappa has been here for almost a month now. Jk, jimin, v and rm are going to the military together AND v is joining for some crime special forces. Jk and jimin are going to be trained under jin. I dread the next 3 months of my life, and that is probably going to be the time i do this next. Also, YTC Busan has been out for almost a month and reethu akka has still not made time to watch together.728 days more, we'll wait.

16th dec,2023. Jk and jimin left on 12th and V and RM left on 11th. WE GOT AN OT7 PICTURE!!!! FUCK YES. and all I want for Christmas is you by Mariah Carey had been topping holiday charts every year on itunes for THE PAST 29 YEARS, and just when it was going to become 30, BTS decided to leave for military, making us all emo sad bitches who will dethrone all I want for Christmas is you and make it on top one with Spring day. Losing my sanity is an understatement for my lufe right now. I'm graduating from this school tomorrow, and emotions are all over. 716 days more, we'll wait.

[passingdaysthings]

06.06.2023 - Period Mood

Today is Tuesday. 

My last post was cut short because Taylor called, and I just talked to him before getting back to work. 

I am officially done with my 3rd quarter of grad school, and I am so happy. I finished my last homework assignment like an hour ago, and I think I am going to chill for the rest of the day. I was gonna go to the gym, but my period finally started after being 33 days and it’s hitting me pretty hard. I can’t even remember the last time my period gave me this much pain and bloating. I am gonna try to really rest and not think about school for this short break I have because I think I need to take care of myself better while I am in school. Of course, I do the gym and do my work properly, but I don’t really think I take care of my mental health well. I kind of just push things until I hit a breaking point and have a panic attack about it. I am taking one course again this summer because I am pretty busy this summer, and I think I should enjoy it rather than constantly studying and doing work. I hope this will be a good summer. I am really excited because I’ll be doing to California for my birthday in like 3 weeks, and I’ll be going to see Fall Out Boy. I am also planning to work on my volleyball fundamentals while I am on break because I feel like I have been getting lazy. I am not sure if it was because I was in school or if I am actually being lazy. We will just have to see how I do while I am playing on break. I did really poorly yesterday on offense, and that really bothered me. I am not an offensively strong player, but I was giving up points there which is the problem. If I am not scoring then I shouldn’t be giving up points. 

Moving on to the real reason why I am writing today, and I believe it’s mostly my period really pushing the thoughts forward. As I have said before, Taylor and I’s relationship has become that of regular friends, and it’s like we never even went through the stages we did to get here. It’s as if we have always been like this which is fine with me, but every now and then, I get SMACKED with all the things we use to do and talk about. Let me kind of break it down: 

April 2022 - June 2022: Getting to know each other, talked everyday, and I dumped Peter

June 2022 - mid - Aug 2022: Friendly, but definitely had conversations that were not considered “just friends” things, really pushed the friend boundary 

Mid-Aug 2022- End of Oct 2022: Definitely not a relationship between two people who were just friends, sexual stuff, and more couple stuff, time of my confessions and rejection 

Nov 2022 - Feb 2023: Confusing time after I got rejected, but we still were intimate(?). A very confusing time for me because I am def not able to do that whole no string attached thing. 

Mid-Feb 2023 - present: Taylor ending our sexual relationship and reverting to normal friends or as normal as we can be I guess 

For starters, I am kind of sad because I feel like the time we spent together during the April to July period was really wholesome and fun, and we were just there for each other as people. I really felt like we both cared about each other not that we don’t now, but for me, I feel like part of it was invalidated by the progression from that point. The time period where we had a sexual relationship. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong of course, but I also have to deal with the new emotions it brings. Nothing I said during our early stages of friendship was a lie, but I can’t help doubt Taylor intentions from the beginning. I don’t think his intentions were bad though because we are still friends now. Its just a thought here and there. I just don’t really know how to deal with it sometimes because he is still my friend, and we still talk everyday. I understand that people do what I did with other people and move on, but this dude is literally a huge part of my life. Like what the actual fuck? On top of that, it is my first time even having this kind of relationship with someone, and I really got bamboozled. I really thought this man liked me because I would not have done any of that if I knew he didn’t like me. I guess there were signs that he didn’t like me, but there were way more signs that he liked me. Literally, everyone around me thought he liked me, and they all supported me saying something. This is why I have trauma now. CALL ME BABE ALL YOU WANT AND ACT JEALOUS, BUT YOU DON’T LIKE ME UNTIL YOU SAY IT. I literally cannot LOL. I do not understand it. There are times where I wonder if I was the one being delusional during that time, but I have been assured that it wasn’t me. Like... this man hates talking to people and being social, but he spent time talking to me everyday morning to night. We still talk everyday now even though it’s much less time wise. He called me babe, got jealous, and sends me money for boba. He told me he wanted to sleep with me, and that if something ever happened to me, then he wouldn’t last very long. SIR? UM, SIR? I’m sorry, but imagine having a boyfriend with that kind of past with his girl best friend because that’s what I am to Taylor (unless he lied about all that). I don’t think he lied though because he is always very concerned about me when something happens. I am his best friend.. that he wanted to fuck, and that was reciprocated. I was interested in sleeping with him too. He says he is never going to get a girlfriend so it won’t be a problem, but for me, I don’t know, dude. I didn’t really plan on being single forever, but I mean, I guess, it could happen. Who knows LOL. I get so many emotions every time I think about that period of our friendship because it just confuses the fuck out of me, AND I didn’t get any closure. The only thing I pursued after my rejection was why he decided that he wanted to sleep with me and all that stuff, and all he said was “idk”. I was speechless. I was like... this man changed our whole relationship dynamic on impulse though which I am not surprised after getting to know him more. He does things impulsively with no explanation pretty often, and I happen to be on the receiving end of those impulses this time. I have accepted that, but I feel like not all of it was impulse. I fully believe there was a part of him that liked me, but he simply didn’t want to commit to anything. I am fine with though. I didn’t really pursue much after my rejection because I felt like it was for the best. I don’t think we would be able to handle a romantic relationship with each other because he doesn’t like to communicate, and I place a lot of importance on communication. He is also rude af when he talks some times, and I don’t mess with that. I definitely get annoyed with what he says a lot of time, and I hold it in because we’re simply just friends. I would not be okie with it if we were more, and this includes things he says to me personally too. I feel kind of bad assuming a relationship between the two of us would fail, but it’s true LOL. I think it would also be to the point that we wouldn’t even be able to be friends after. I already think the friendship we are maintaining right now is destined to fail some time in the future. Random thought I am having right now, Taylor literally says that he ghost friends or drops them randomly for no reason at all, but he told me that I am stuck with him forever. He told me that, and I still feel like our friendship might end one day. That’s so pessimistic of me, but it’s because I know him pretty well. He may have said things that show that I am special/important to him, but we are talking about a dude that broke up with the “love of his life” to go fuck other girls soooooo like... his words.... not reliable. I hope that he gets help one day and figures all this out. I will be here to support him though because regardless of all the things we’ve been through, I love him and consider him my best friend. He knows more about me than anyone else who has walked this earth. 

-P