#i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity...

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

[aro-pancake-writes]

Another Brain Rot. That man has me on a chokehold and I'll never deny it.

Sam Coe x Spacefarer.

NB Dusty, as usual. No description of Dusty, but there's a whole collection of every single plushie in the game on their bed, because that's what I do with my plushies. And I want to have something handy.

And no, I cannot give my stories titles, because I never know what to name them.

It's not even noon, and I'm already in a bind.

Crimson Fleet ships surround the Kepler, and there's a familiar voice on the comms.

Would someone be mad if I "accidentally" shoot at her ship? Just enough to disable the grav drive and she's unable to run away the second the fight is over.

Taking a look over my shoulder, to where Sam is sitting on the guns, I choose not to shoot. He'd be mad.

The last ship is taken down, and I'm opening the comms for... Lillian.

And of course the first thing she does is to ignore me, dismiss Cora, and focus all her attention on Sam. Flirting with him.

If he was ignoring, sure, I'd also ignore it. But he's flirting back. Returning her quips in the same tone, smiling.

I can't stand it, so I tell Andreja to set a course to New Atlantis once they're done there, and head to my quarters. I can still hear them through the intercoms, so I turn it off and hide under my covers.

I should have shot her down. Docked. Made her see Cora and look into my eyes as she flirts with...

Sam once told me that Lillian came back after him a lot over the years. Looking for sex, claiming to have changed, to be wanting to have a good relationship with him and Cora... Not that he actually believed after a while, but he said the sex was good, so he played along.

Is that what they're doing now? Looking for comfort in eachother after some adrenaline? I don't want to know.

~~

Sam closed off the comms to Lillian's ship, kinda happy that they didn't fight again. Despite Lillian making up excuses to not see Cora.

But the glares he was getting from Andreja and Cora told him it was not something to be happy about.

"Dad, why were you flirting with mom?" Cora asks, crossing her arms as she started at him like she's the parent.

"I wasn't flirting with her. Why would I do that?" He retorts, confused as to what led to this situation.

"It sure sounded like you two were flirting." Andreja says, deadpan as she takes the pilots seat. "Didn't notice anything happening while the two of you were talking?"

Andreja is on the pilots seat. Not them.

"When did they leave?" He asks, not being any answers for the women in the ship, both still glaring at him. "When?" He pushes, and Andreja folds.

"Somewhere between needing a vacation and that invitation to Paradiso." It was an invitation?

If they aren't here, there's one place.

~~

It's a while before the door to my quarters open. I'm not in the mood to talk to him, so I turn away on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

"Darling, can we talk?" Sam asks, and I make a point to ignore him. "Please? I'm really-" I don't want to hear it, so I turn and toss one of my plushies at him.

"Don't want to talk!" I shout, throwing another plushie. "Get out! Go back to her!" I throw one with each sentence, but he barely moves, only to dodge my attacks.

Instead of leaving, he steps closer.

"Go back to having that great sex you couldn't pass up on." I continue, along with my barrage of plushies. "Go back to crawling, to begging for any drop of attention, to arguing every day. Isn't that what you want?" I finally toss my Parsecpooch, the last plushie in the bed, and he catches it expertly.

"Darling, I'm not gonna-" he tries again, close enough to hold me in his arms.

"At least have the decency of waiting for me to leave the room, to not do it where I can see or hear it." I mumble, falling into his chest, crying. "Try to hide from me."

"I'm not going back to her." He says, running a hand through my hair. "Hell, if Cora and Andreja didn't tell me, I wouldn't know she was flirting with me."

"What?" I lean back, cleaning up my tears.

"It felt... Good. To talk without it escalating into an argument." He explains. "That's all it was for me, love."

"So you're not going to that weekend in Paradiso?" I ask, my voice broken and flawed.

"Not with her, no." He offers me a smile, cupping my face in his hands. "If I'm ever granted a vacation there, it'll be with you. On our honeymoon."

Our... Honeymoon? My brain stops in its tracks. Why is he talking about honeymoon already? Unless...

"I know this is a shit time to do it, but I love you. And I want to marry you, if you'll take me." His smile is genuine, and I'm about to lean into a kiss when there's a noise at the door.

I get up, opening it to find Cora and Andreja there, acting as if they weren't listening in on our conversation.

Cora comes by to hug me, clearly happy with the proposal.

"I'd love to have you in my family." She says, before running off into the ship.

I close the door again, and turn back to Sam.

"I'd love to marry you." I say, but the memory of the way they flirted is still like a gash on my mind. "But you'll have to promise me that there won't ever be a repeat of today." All my terms are on the table. That's the only demand I'll ever make.

"You have my word on it, love." He gets up, coming by to give me a kiss.

I'm not letting go that easy. Not really.

[meimi-haneoka]

Hiya~ Dimensional-bitch is my side blog, and I guess I cannot send mail from it!

Anyhow, I saw your reblog and wanted to send you a note personally because...damn. I get it. I've been seeing the same...stuff around. And my extraocular muscles have been getting an EXCELLENT work-out from all the eye rolling.

So many temper tantrums. Half of them whining that CLAMP worked on something other than their preferred manga for a few years, half of them mad about...whatever exacting expectation they had for Clear Card that wasn't met.

And honestly? THESE ARE THE SAME TANTRUMS MY 3 YEAR OLD HAS.

If I dare to do something other than take her to the park we went to yesterday? Instant fit! Worst Mommy EVER!

If she gets the milk she wants in a blue cup instead of pink? DAY RUINED. She can't enjoy milk again, EVER.

I am old enough now to realize that every time a CLAMP manga ends we are going to get this same round of preschooler "BUT IT ISN'T WHAT I WANTED!" foot-stomping. And it's...fine. Whatever. But even though I expect it now I am still. so. tired. And salty. I could salt the seven seas.

So THANK YOU for taking the time to look at and put together something that really gets into what Clear Card IS and DOES. (I am looking through your blog now and I am sad I didn't find it sooner - you've got lots of great stuff here! Especially about Kaito - I do NOT understand the fandom hate??? He's obviously a tortured but ultimately good soul????) There are so many good (and fun! - I've been reading this with my 8-year-old son and he is totally into the magic of it all, even if some of the symbolism flies over his head for now) things about it that get buried under the tantrums. And I am so happy to see them discussed like this!

Best wishes! <3

WAAAAAIT WAIT I HAVE TO REPLY TO THIS ONE BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE BECAUSE I feel like I'm about to cry...

You know the feeling when.....you feel *seen*? You feel understood? This is what I felt when I received your ask, Dandelion! (Is it ok if I use this name?) Omg yes. a thousand times yes....you summarized pretty well what I've seen and what I think about this whole situation too. (BTW I'm a mom too and I know what you mean! 😂)

I am old enough now to realize that every time a CLAMP manga ends we are going to get this same round of preschooler "BUT IT ISN'T WHAT I WANTED!" foot-stomping.

Ever since I got on the internet, I was able only to witness the endings in "real time" of Tsubasa, Holic and Kobato, and while I don't remember much for Kobato (probably because it's so underrated and no one was reading it), I DO remember especially the uncomfortable "atmosphere" in the fandom that accompanied the last chapters of Tsubasa's serialization. I remember all the negativity, and all the exact same complaints of today with Clear Card, "it's too complex!" "this has dragged too long please END IT". It was so overwhelming that I got dragged into it too. I COMPLETELY understand what you mean. I didn't expect I'd see it again with Clear Card, but hey people can always surprise you for the worst, isn't it? So I had decided, towards the end of Clear Card, that I wouldn't let ANYONE make me go through what I went through when Tsubasa ended, and I've set limits and lines to not be crossed with everyone, even close friends. I wanted to enjoy this story in peace to be able to write about what I TRULY feel.

I am SO GLAD that you're checking the rest of my blog and that you find my posts interesting. Most of the time, especially when I talk about Kaito and Akiho in the desperate attempt to make people understand those characters a bit better, it's a bit like shouting in the wind.....but I won't stop doing it. I love those characters, and I thank CLAMP everyday for creating them, they brought so much depth and enriched CCS in a special way.

Thank you so much for this ask!! 🙏❤️

[eddiemunsonwoofty]

Fix me - Part Seven

Summary: You reach out to the local "freak"/drug dealer for some kind of escape after your mom dies. Turns out he's the escape you needed.

Caution: light submission. Talks of drug use.

📝: I am loving this series so much. I hope you all are too.

..................................................................................

"Y/n, I am so freaking happy for you!" Robin squealed. "Two nights without nightmares, and a tangle up with Eddie!"

"I know, Robin!" I squeal back. "Its insane how good I feel right now!" "When are you seeing him again?" Robin asked with immense curiosity. "I really don't know?" I reply, with a sort of pout, vaguely remembering that he said he would see me again today. "Should I call him?"

"Hell no, y/n!" Robin said firmly. "You cannot be the first one to call, sends out needy signals." I was needy though. I wanted more of him. He made me feel good. He made me not....sad.

Suddenly, thoughts of my mom rushed in. I started to tear up and said trying to hide that I was crying, "Robin, He makes me forget about mom." "Aw, y/n, thats so sweet and amazing for you, but you have to slow down." Robin stated fighting back her own tears. "Don't turn Eddie into a crutch, just because he makes you forget."

Robin new how I ran through guys in the past. I would meet a guy, flirt shamelessly, date him, fuck him, obsess over him, and as soon as I got bored or he did something I didn't like, I would dump them. I was the definition of a slut 6 months ago. Robin was right I would need to slow down and take my time and get to know Eddie. I wanted this to actually be something. "Yeah, Robin you're right." I let out a big sigh and got off the phone with her.

Steve still hadn't woke up, it was almost noon. His date must have went good too. Dad didn't come home, but there was another message on the machine saying he wouldn't be. "Damn, I guess all of us had a good night." I chuckled to myself.

The day rolled on and I still hadn't heard from Eddie. My thoughts were consumed by him and what happened last night.

Steve finally woke up and made his way across the hall to my room. I had found a book to read and was just laying on the floor staring at the pages. Not really reading. He plopped down next to me. "Have a fun night?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows up and down. Obviously, implying I knew what he did.

"Yeah, Meagan is great. Shes super funny, smart, and well not Nancy." He said, being sarcastic at the end. His ex Nancy dumped him a couple months ago for Johnathan Byers and Steve had been trying to replace her ever since. "Well, I am glad you found someone, Steve." I smiled at him and turned back to my book.

"What did you do?" Steve asked. "Uh....not much. Smoked that other joint I had." I said shakily. Lying to him wasn't fun. "No nightmares?" He asked curiously. "No nightmares." I respond with a smile. "Good deal, sis." Steve rubbed the top of my head, completely messing up my hair, then stood up to leave.

"Steve..." I ask, trying to talk myself into asking about Eddie. "Whats up?" He came and sat back down next to me. "I was just wondering, why do you hate Eddie Munson so much?" Shit, I asked him. I looked up at him and saw the anger cross his face.

"Why does it matter?" The sterness in his voice made me put my book down and sut up. "I'm just curious." I really was. "When I told you I got some weed, you automatically assumed it was from him and flipped out."

Steve let out a huge sigh. Here it goes he was fixing to tell me.

"Eddie and I met in kindergarten. They moved into the house across the street, where the Taylor's live now. You were still to young to remember. Anyways, we became best friends within days, and he was so cool to me. His dad had already started teaching him how to play guitar, and we would have sleepovers and pretend we were in a rock band. It was like that until 2nd grade, when his mom died, and his dad had to sell the house and move."

"His mom died, too?" I asked trying to hold back tears. "Yeah, she did. I think cancer too." His head sunk for a second. "Anyway, his dad moved them out of town for a while. Became a drunk and lost custody of Eddie. So Wayne, his Uncle took him in and he's been living over there in the trailer park ever since." Wow his mom died. Why didn't he tell me? "So you hate him now because he left?" I just didn't understand.

"No! When he came back, he was a bully. He picked on me for everything. He knew everything about me so he knew exactly how to fuck me around and make everyone pick on me too. He started getting into that weird fucking game, Dungeons and Dragons, and formed his little cult. We went back and forth with each other and I dubbed him "The Freak". How he dressed, his hair. His music. I played off that. Thats really how I got popular. Picking on "the freak". But that didn't stop him from fucking with me. We fought all through school. I just can't stand him y/n." He finished his story and I was in shock. This is why they didn't like each other? What kind of bullshit is this.

"You think maybe since you're an actual adult now you can get over that?" I said kind of angrily. "Why?" He snapped back. "Whats it to you?" I couldn't lie to him anymore. It was eating me up. "I lied to you, Steve." Oh man he's going to kill me. "I did get that joint from Eddie, I smoked with him that day I didn't come home." Steve's face was red. "We hung out last night too, and he's being really nice to me."

"Are you fucking kidding me, y/n?" He's fuming. "What on earth would possess y....I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Steve threw his hands up in disbelief. "No, Steve, you're not!" I yell in his face. "He makes me feel better, and as long as he does, I'm going to keep hanging out with him!"

Steve stood up from where we were and stomped out of my room, slamming my door. I heard him cross the hall and slam his door too.

Shit. Steve is really mad. This is so stupid. They both need to get over themselves. I decided I was going to talk to Eddie about this.... if I ever see him again that is.

It was 10 pm and still no sign of Eddie. I had no pot, because it was drowned in my water cup, and I was beyond bored. I decided to get ready for bed. I wanted to keep up the routine of taking care of my body, in the off chance Eddie wanted to see it again. I took a shower, washed my face, and brushed my teeth and hair. I threw on a pink satin pajama set I had and climbed into bed. I quickly started to drift off.

*tink* What the fuck? My eyes darted open. *tink* I remained quiet, so I could figure out where the sound was coming from. *tink* It was my window. Someone was throwing rocks at my window. I knew it could only be one person. I looked at the clock. Midnight. It had to be Eddie. I get up, and rush over to my window. I made sure Eddie knew I was there by turning on a small light. I didn't want him to pummel me with a rock. I got his attention, and opened the window.

"Hey, princess!" Eddie whispered. "Eddie, what the fuck!" I whispered back. "Its midnight!" "Come down here, and I'll explain ok?" I rolled my eyes in an "alright, fine" kind of manner. I found a sweater to cover up with and crept downstairs. I saw that dad had made it back. He was in his usual spot, passed out in front of the television.

I made it outside to find Eddie, leaned up against his van. "Sorry, princess." He said as he kissed my forehead. "Hellfire, went a little long." His kiss on my forehead made up for all of it. "Well its to late, Munson." I pout. "Steve's here, and he will freak out." Even though I thought it was ridiculous, I knew that's what Steve would do. "Its okay, hop in." He nudged his perfectly sculpted jawline towards the van. "Lets go for a drive." I took a couple steps back from him and opened my sweater, revealing my skimpy pajamas. "Do I look like I'm dressed for a drive, Munson?" "No, but definitely a ride!" He winked as he opened the passenger door. "Get in the van, princess." Once again, I melted and obeyed him.

We drove around Hawkins for a few hours talking about everything. D&D, music we liked, people at school we didn't. We jammed out to a few songs and by that point we were just driving in circles.

"Wanna go back to my place?" Eddie asked me. I could tell he was starting to get tired. "Sure." I smiled. He hit the gas and headed for his trailer.

Once we got there, his demeanor changed some. "Whats wrong, Munson." I ask stroking his hair. "This isn't the suburbs, princess." He frowned. "Just don't judge me too hard. Okay?" "Eddie, I don't care where you live." I say thoughtfully. "I'm spending time with you, thats all that matters." He smiled at me. "Wait there." Eddie jumped out of the van and ran to my side. Opened the door and carried me out of the van to his front porch. Oh my god, this man is so amazing. "Sorry, I didn't want you to have to walk through the dirt." He said as he unlocked the door. "Come on in, princess." Eddie bowed to me and unfurled his arm into the trailer, like a true gentleman. I giggled and stepped inside.

Once inside, Eddie scurried around to clean up. "Sorry, the place is such a mess." I walk over to him and grab his hand. "Eddie, relax." I gave him a small peck. "Its okay, really." He gave me a huge toothy smile, the swooped me up and threw me over his shoulder and carried me to his room. "Ah, Eddie!" I screamed and laughed.

He sat me down on his bed. I looked around his room. Iron Maiden and Metallica posters plastered his wall, and his guitar hung from a full length mirror he had hanging too. I liked his room. It was messy, but, it was very...Eddie Munson.

"Is your uncle here? Sleeping?" I ask. "Nah, he works nights at the plant." His smile grew, "so...its just us." Eddie excused himself to the bathroom. I noticed his D&D binder on the bed next to me and flipped through it. "Cult of Vecna" caught my eye, but I had no idea what it meant. Before I could look further Eddie came back in the room.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. All Eddie had on was a pair of plaid pajama pants. With his boxers peaking out the top. Of course his guitar pick necklace, rings, and bracelet remained. Nothing else, though. He looked so good. I wanted to devour him. "Slow down, y/n!" I told myself, and smiled at him. I patted the bed next to me, wanting him to sit down.

He started shaking his head no, but grinned at me. I stuck my bottom lip out and whined, "please?" But Eddie didn't move. He dropped his head down, signaling for me to come stand in front of him. Really? He won't come sit by me, but wants me to come to him? How is this fair? I did it anyway.

I got up from the bed and went to him. He put his hands around my waist, kind of rocking me back and forth. "Last night was really fun." He said. "But tonight, I just want to be with you. Okay?" I was shocked. I never had been with anyone that didn't want to just fuck all the time. "What do you mean?" I asked, confused. "I want this to go right, y/n." He said as he grabbed my chin. "Your not just some quick fuck to me. I like you.. a lot." He leaned in and kissed me. My stomach raged with fire. I wanted him so bad, but he was right. I wanted more than just sex from him too. He grabbed my hands and turned me around leading me to the bed. We layed there together and talked some more when I could start to hear the sleep creep into Eddie's voice. "Lets go to sleep, Munson." I reached in and gave him a kiss. He grabbed my face so that I would kiss him longer. When he was done, he let go, so I pulled back. "Good night, princess."

"Good night." I layed back down and listened to him drift off. This felt so right, laying here with him. Feeling him wrapped up in me.

This was perfect.....

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 55

Welp. Today sure was a pain in the ass. Still positive stuff about it though.

So yesterday I didn't have a proper meal, only a little bit of dried fruit that I binged because I was stressed out about the Heartstopper S2 announcement. I think it was the first time ever I went a day without really eating at all. That means I went over 48h without a proper meal. And the worst part is I didn't even feel that hungry or anything. I find starving myself way easier than it should be. I did eat this evening though, at the restaurant, but skipped breakfast and lunch.

I was woken up at 8AM by the sound of my mom struggling to close the door behind her (for some weird reason there's no door handle). At first I thought she was just picking up the mail or something, but when I noticed she wasn't coming back, I checked and saw she'd taken her phone, purse and coat with her. I was worried and I didn't understand, but then she texted me kindly letting me know she'd gone for a walk and would come back when I'd tell her I was awake since she didn't have the keys and only I could open the door for her. I replied right away that I was awake, but she said she was going to stay out to walk and answer some voice messages. She came home at around 10AM apologizing for getting angry at me the night before.

Looking back now, I am quite sure she wasn't answering voice messages, but was actually on a call with a man she told me about. Some dude apparently living in Switzerland but travelling all across Europe all the time because he's a renowned architect and has a daughter living in London. He tried calling her the other day when my mom arrived. He allegedly lost his wife to cancer three years ago. I saw pics of him. I feel like he's a fucking liar. About the pics, about his job... Everything.

Everything was going pretty fine in the afternoon. I wrote my first article for a media my best friend-godmother works for and it was posted! April 25th, mark your calendars!! This might be the start of a great big thing, idk!!! Then I took my mom to see a play I'd loved and had actually seen because the friend who works for a media was invited alongside the press, and she could have a +1! It was just as lovely as the first time and I accidentally crossed paths with a friend I knew from MIDDLE SCHOOL. The middle school from a small town of a little over 1,000 inhabitants, 350km away from here... literally insane, and not the first time it happens to me. Then we heard from my grandma who had medical exams to take and it went better than expected. Then my mom and I decided to go to the restaurant and that's when my day went really bad.

I wasn't peeking or trying to invade my mom's privacy, but I saw the name of the Swiss guy popping up on her phone, and a message that started with "hello my lover".

So now I am 99% sure my mother is a hypocrite who lies to me.

Don't get me wrong, I do not give a single shit whether or not she's fucking around with men or dating men, or anything. Literally none of my business and I don't care that she might be hiding things from me. But her crying all the time to ME, her late husband's only daughter, about being a poor widow who will never love again, and THEN doing the very opposite of that is LYING and HYPOCRISY and I cannot fucking stand it.

I don't care if she's hiding things from me, I care if she's lying to me, because that's different. I'm pretty sure that the other dude she told me about and who ditched her, causing her to fall into an anorexic episode, was actually her boyfriend, not just her friend. I CARE that she's lying because all of these men are fucking using her and destroying her and then *I* am the one who pays all the fucking consequences of having a mother so unstable she triggers my self-harm behaviors every time I see her. I am so fucking mad I am so filled with rage and I am so trying to contain everything within but, oh boy, the day it all fucking EXPLODES... I'm afraid it's sooner than I actually think. I'm pretty sure she's writing to him right now and it makes me so fucking SICK to think this morning she woke me up early after I'd had a shitty night only to leave me for some man she's never met irl and who's going to demolish her mental health even further. Like yeah I surely haven't been the fucking best at helping her mental health considering how shitty my own was, but there was only ONE SINGLE FUCKING PERSON who spent 2 hours on their knees comforting her when she was drunk as hell and had binge eaten and couldn't stop crying, and that was my 15 year old traumatized and depressed ass, not any of these dirty pigs.

She knows she's destroying herself, she KNOWS her fucking billion relationships with men is killing her, and she keeps spending her entiiiiiiiiire days on dating apps and talking to one man and then another and another and talking and talking and blah blah it's all that matters and I'm going to cry out of rage if I go any further.

The wound I gave myself yesterday didn't hurt me when I made it, but it's been so sensitive today and there have been hours where the pain was almost unbearable. It's worse than any of the other wounds I've ever had.

I am in such constant pain. I wish it would end. I wish I would die. Because I love my mother more than I love anyone else on Earth and she is fucking destroying me further and further because our relationship has become so beyond toxic, except she's my MOM, my fucking BLOOD, not some random person I can just ditch for my own well-being.

I wish she would fucking try to heal for once so I'm not the only stupid bitch out of the two of us fucking fighting to try to make the most of her life as best as she can.

It hurts all the time. All of it.

[sam-the-friendly-ghost]

Welcome to Sam's Chats with the Void

I will tag these posts so they can be blocked, but I hope you stick around, and read them. These will just be me rambling about something I've thought about.

I like making people cry. Not because I've hurt them, or anything, but because I've touched their heart.

I like to create, but also perform, although performing is practically another medium for me to create stuff with. I sing, and sometimes somebody will come to me wiping tears from their eyes that I made them cry.

Sometimes they cry because they are proud of what I've accomplished, or because of the song. One thing is always the same though, and it's the fact I couldn't have made them cry if I had done poorly.

I gave someone a gift one day, without much reason. Apparently it was important to them because they cried, and told me thankyou for simply thinking of them. The 2 dollar box of candy meant more to them then I could've ever known before hand. They weren't going through anything, and I wasn't particularly close with them, but my doing something so small for them that day made them cry.

I gave my mom a binder filled with pieces of my writing. She cried when she recieved it because it was a way for me to support her. I'll keep the explanation short for the sake of keeping this on topic, but she was going for her first round of chemotherapy. I give her the binder on the day of every chemo appointment, and it lets her know I'm okay, and thinking of her. It's why I haven't updated 'the story of future boy'. I'm focused on giving her content she enjoys over writing fanfiction. She is one of the few people who know I write fanfiction though, so I've been making sure I still write some so I can tell her about how others have been able to read my stuff too. We smile together at the small news of me getting an email saying I've gotten kudos. She cried happy tears when I hand her the binder filled with my original works.

I smile and jokingly pretend to be angry when something makes me cry. It isn't hard to make me cry (horror movies have a 100% success rate at making me cry if panic attacks count), but it's still a show of skill. The end of rise where Raph cries made me cry, but because I've felt that way. They managed to write a character so well, I related to them, and cried. I cried at the end of the movie, and sobbed harder when Donnie cried.

It isn't hard to make me cry, especially when it's a character doing so. My therapist very quickly let me know I have high empathy, like such high empathy I pick up on other people's fears, and phobias if I don't shut down my emotions. This means when I consume media I have to shut down my emotions somewhat to make sure I don't pick up on those fears. I can't become scared of the dark because a cartoon character was. This is why, although it isn't hard to make me cry, I'm always so impressed when something does. I'm so skilled at disconnecting myself from the media I consume the character have to be so well written to trigger the small bits of emotions I let connect into making me cry.

I love the way Raph builds up until he cannot cope anymore without crying. I love the way Donnie's body starts crying before he can even process what happened. The experiences of emotions was handled so well I cried despite trying not to.

I have a plan to make my singing teacher cry. I am about to have potentially one of the last performances of my life. Im going to sing the first song I've ever performed. If I do it right she will be crying. If I do great some of the people who watched me perform that first time will cry. If I do amazing my friends might cry. If I do exceptionally both my parents will cry. If I do perfectly I'll greet them after with tears of my own.

My goal is to touch people's emotions, and since hardly anyone can fake cry well, I know how well I did based on the tears I find in the audience.

I like making people cry.

[magalidragon]

#20 and Puppy Love! Please!

it must be puppy love is a favorite of mine! It was fun to return to my favorite neighbors/enemies-to-lovers and their silly dogs. This is set in chapter 2 of that fic, between when the puppies are born and they first smut it up and the vet visit six weeks later when Jon realizes his feelings. It's a smutty little drabble with some of their banter and also their sneaking feelings :) Enjoy!

20. Things you said I wasn't meant to hear

“How’s your baby mama?” 

Ghost plopped down in the center of the kitchen, his muzzle wet from his water bowl, drool and water droplets forming a puddle near his paw on the floor.  He had his lips pulled back, tongue out, and was “smiling.”  He’d just come from the backyard, where Jon figured he was greeting Drogon through the fence.  

The puppies were still in the whelping box with her, but they were starting to move a bit more, one black and one white, their little eyes opening and tiny yips tugging on whatever thing in his chest might be called a heart.  He even thought they might have proven that Daenerys Targaryen had a heart too, when he caught her once wiping at her eyes when she’d been holding one.  Like she was crying.  Although she insisted she wasn��t.  

He checked his watch, a little antsy.  He was going to go over there if she hadn’t knocked on his door by eight.  He had a busy day tomorrow; they had to get this thing going. 

“I cannot believe I’m fucking her,” he said out loud, to no one in particular.  He opened the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Stark Whiskey, a decent age, and two crystal glasses etched with wolves that he’d nicked from his aunt and uncle’s house last time he was up there.  

It was really quiet in his house, since he’d flicked off his music after sufficiently annoying her.  The weather was decent too so he had the doors open to the garden.  He moved to shut them, in preparation for whatever might happen in the next fifteen minutes, whether he went to her house or she came over to his, when he paused, hearing Dany talking.  “Hmm,” he murmured, stepping out onto the patio.  

Ghost, thank gods, with his muteness didn’t bark and give him up when he moved a little closer to the stone wall that separated their gardens before it switched into a wooden fence.  There was greenery overgrowing the wall and up the side of her house, despite teh fact he’d argued to have her cut it back.  He leaned back against his house, listening to her; she was so bloody loud.  

“Missy I’m being safe, stop being such a mom to me.”  She laughed, high and light, and his toes curled in his boots, a smile pulling on his face at the sound.  “Missy, you’re crazy.  I’m not in love with him.”

He glanced at Ghost, pointing to his chest, mouthing.  Is she talking about me you think?  Ghost cocked his head, listening too.  He was now intrigued and moved as close as he dared, not wanting to clue her in as he was eavesdropping.  

“It just sort of happened, I told you  The night Drogon had the puppies…yes, it was amazing.”  Jon grinned, pumping his fist back in silent bragging.  Dany snorted.  “Okay fine Missy I’ll admit, it’s really the best sex I’ve ever had.”

He threw his hands up, silently screaming.  YES! Fuck yes! This was bigger than he ever could have thought.  Holy shit, he was the best sex that she-dragon ahd ever had!?  He deserved an award.

Dany laughed again.  “I mean, yes it’s great, but…I mean…sometimes it just seems too fast.”

Jon froze.  Ghost drew his head back, almost flipping it upside down in confusion.  He scowled.  What the fuck was she talking about too fast?

“No, no not like that, he definitely has stamina, it’s just it’s like…he comes here or I go over there and then we have a drink and we fuck and yeah, his tongue is like…seven hells it’s like…it needs a monument to it, it’s the best ever, but I mean, it’s fast and angry and I like that, you know I do, and I like it with him, because he’s hota nd it’s hot and it feels so good, but sometimes I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind it taking its sweet time.”  

He furrowed his brow.  Sweet time?  He took his time!  He spent like an hour between her legs the night before, his jaw locked up!  He’d brought her over twice in the meantime but what the fuck?  He huffed and moved towards the house, calling out purposefully.  “Alright Ghost!  Get in here boy!”

Dany cursed in Valyrian. “He’s home! I’ll talk to you later Missy…shut up, I am not desperate!”  She giggled.  “Bye, I’ll talk to you later.  Love you…no Missy I am not in love with him!  Shut up!”

Jon shivered; love?  Who said anything about love!?

He swept into the house, grabbing the whiskey and glasses, and with Ghost on his heels, left his house and stomped up to hers, banging on the door.  She swung it open a minute later, her face impassive, not at all like she was throwing him under the bus to her friend, whoever Missy was.  He held up the whiskey and glasses.  “You want a drink before?”

She cocked her head.  “I had a weird day, was kind of hoping we could just fuck.”

“Too bad.”  He was taking this slow.  

He was going to prove her wrong.  His mad dragon queen was going to be eating her words when he was through with her.  

After they had a drink– or two– he pulled her towards him, taking her mouth with his, kissing long and slow.  When she tried to push his shirt up, he stilled her and pushed her away from the counter where she’d been tugging him back.  “No,” he breathed, holding her face gently in his, blowing lightly over her cheek, pressing gentle kisses there towards her ear, before he gathered her into his arms and kissed at her pulse, his tongue pushing against it, eliciting a long moan from her.  He pulled away briefly, kissing her again.  “Not here.  Upstairs.”

He took his time, kissing her thoroughly and picked off each piece of her clothing, bit by bit, and reclined her back onto the bed after he carried her up the stairs, still kissing her.  Each time she tried to pull at his clothes, he stilled her and he forced himself to keep from just taking her, as much as he wanted to.  

Gods, it was bloody painful, but he did it, dragging out each touch, each kiss, and teasing her up to her peak before bringing her back, only to do so again.  Soon, he had her eating out of his hand, panting and crying out, his name breathless on her lips.  He gathered her up after her first climax and soothed her a bit in his arms before he took off his clothes and kept her from grabbing at him, pushing her arms up over her head, taking her hands in his and smiling over her lips again.  “Not yet,” he murmured.  

“What’s gotten into you?” she sobbed, slithering against him.  “Oh gods, this is killing me!”

“Maybe I just wanted to try something different.”  

When he finally slid into her, after he thought she was sufficiently tortured from the slowness, he bit down so hard on his tongue to keep from slamming into her and pounding her into the mattress.  He squeezed her hands, bringing them beside her head on the pillow and then let go to stroke at her thigh, lifting it up over his hip, moving slowly inside of her, each moan from her lips a satisfying ‘ha!’ in his head.  

He took his time, touching her here and there as he kept moving over her.  She tried to pick up the pace, but he would stop and wait for her to calm, before he started again.  It was killing him too and at one point he thought he might have died from spontaneous combustion, but he kept going.  He was sweating, he was holding back, his hair damp and his skin sticky.  

Finally, finally, finally he let go and once he did, she was already gone, sobbing his name, her nails digging into his shoulders, holding onto him for dear life.  

When they calmed down from their peaks, he rolled to his side and dragged her against him, idly stroking her feverish skin, sweat beading int he small of her back, and her breasts rising and falling rapidly as she gulped in air.  “Oh gods,” she mumbled, lifting her eyes up to meet his.  They were soft, melting, and she sighed, satisfied.  “That was amazing…I needed it.”

Jon gazed down at her, unsure what he was feeling.  His stomach hurt.  He wanted to hold her forever.  He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry.  “Aye.  Me too.”  He bit his bottom lip, wanting to say I told you so! but he couldn’t even begin to think about how he had one-upped her and she didn’t even know it.  

He pulled the covers over them, but even as Dany dozed in his arms, he remained awake, staring up at the ceiling, very disconcerted in these rising feelings inside of him.

[aks3raao1]

Uhhh, well first there was this torture game involving my family (everyone died in front of my eyes by different methods(Mom: Hand mangled, infected and blood loss; Grandpa: Pecked by a bird, crushed by an aeroplane, Rest killed off screen by drowning in a flooded chamber)) and then I went to Egypt to look for a cure with Shuichi Saihara and Korekiyo and Shuichi was telling me a story about how two rivals became two rivals (which was exactly what had happened in the beginning of the dream where Nagito talked about his love™ for Hajime except he introduced a fan of the spy character (me) and made the spy character a male) which caused me to become wary of him. Then we all reached the Pyramids where there were people cosplaying the gods from the Egyptian Pantheon and Korekiyo began monologuing on The Book Of The Dead (which talked about resurrection due to dream logic apparently). And Shuichi and I became extremely involved in that resurrection drama. Shuichi was also trying to unlock the mystery behind Korekiyo and he is a serial killer who kills girls to send as "friends" to his deceased sister. However there are multiple theories behind what actually happened which Shuichi talks about later on) while I was more interested in the resurrection and the ways to do so.

And then there was an abrupt scene change to my school which had opened after the quarantine (and I was weirdly relieved because I had successfully done something but after the teacher thing, it became apparent that the success wasn't about school) and my mom was somehow alive again but I was shown to be staring at her hands and remembering what had happened (I had memories of the last two incidents) while she was just being normal and called a teacher to ask about me while I shrunk away (#just student things) and our school resembled a church in the middle of a garden type thing. There were white chairs laid out and I remember thinking that they looked like gravestones and shivered and then told mom that I was going inside because I didn't want to think about *that* now.

Our school looked....weird to say the least. They had renovated it so everything felt wrong because the colours were darker and earthy instead of the light ones I was used to and the stairs were all arranged differently as well. I grabbed a friend and we both went to find our class. Instead of two sections, we had four sections now and were very confused where to sit because we hadn't been informed of it prior to this. We sat down in a random section and I began doing my English work (which I had actually been doing when I fell asleep irl) but the time came and went and no one entered the class (Class eight for some reason), so we realised that we had made a mistake and we remembered that we were in ninth and I was like, "Oh fuck, the time is nearer than I thought" and we ran to our actual class where our classmates were. She went and started talking to another friend and I was left alone to find a seat. I saw Makoto Naegi (Protagonist of Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc) who looked extremely nervous for some reason and said in narration,

"All the protagonists have been sent back in time to steer their respective classes away from the Killing Games and prevent the apocalypse before it starts. Will they be able to do it?"

Then the POV went over to Shuichi who had extremely distorted memories from the Killing Game was playing Detective on himself to figure out what they meant. He remembered that he desperately needed to figure out what was going on with Korekiyo, that Tsumugi was important and that Kokichi was dangerous but the other memories were too disjointed for him to figure out.

He tries to get Kokichi who's trying to. Uh, nail Tsumugi to the bulletin board with actual nails and hammers. Shuichi's horrified and believes that Kokichi is the one responsible for his Killing Game due to this kind of malicious attitude (and also because Tsumugi is a damned good actor at playing the victim + she might not be actually planning the Killing Game then) and he tries to actually restrain Kokichi who sees Shuichi and flees while Tsumugi falls to the ground crying. Shuichi runs over to comfort her and thinks of how Kokichi while pranking others never felt malicious at all but now he realises that he could have made a mistake. However it's also implied that he wants to get information about why Kokichi behaved the way he did since he obviously knows more than he lets on.

POV shifts over to Kokichi for a brief moment to show that he's the one with all memories intact but he cannot divulge them for game balance.

Then we see Shuichi who has remembered Korekiyo's case and is devising two theories on it:

a) Korekiyo is a loony delusional serial killer who loves to kill girls and is just using his own sister as an excuse (who he has killed himself too)

b) His sister was a dangerous psychopath (visualised by her turning into a snake and wrapping herself around his body in a sexual manner while he's in pain™) and that she emotionally manipulated him to do this and her ghost didn't abandon him even when he died.

As he's ruminating on this, the POV shifts to Hajime who's talking to Nagito and Chiaki and has a brief flashback to his time as Izuru Kamakura.

Now this is a divergence from actual canon in terms of backstories as we see Hawks grab Izuru and tell him that he will make him feel (in a fatherly found family way) something. A time period elapses where there is a part where Hawks takes Izuru to a fair and is talking about how great chicken nuggets and other chicken dishes are while Izuru emoily licks an ice-cream.

At the end of the time period, Izuru claims that he still can't feel anything and Hawks goes, "Well....I failed then" and flies him to a rooftop. Izuru is confused slightly when Hawks bends over him (no, not sexually, enough sex is enough) and then blood splatters onto Izuru's face and he realises that Hawks is bleeding from a fatal wound and that he had done that to save Izuru from being attacked. Hawks falls down, heavily injured as Izuru sits up and sees Tanizaki who's somehow an assassin here and is flying as well somehow. Izuru asks Hawks why he did this since Izuru could have saved himself too and then Hawks goes, "Because I am a hero", not really expecting Izuru to react much. (Note that chronologically, an apocalypse is going on now and Tanizaki has probably fallen into Despair and Hawks is tryna save the world or whatever). However Izuru does react and starts crying because this is the first time anyone saw him as a person who needs to be saved too.

It's implied that Hawks died here in actual memory but then Hajime pushes forth and invents a part where Hawks actually doesn't die there and instead gets up and fights Tanizaki.

Now Hawks's death was the reason Izuru wanted to save the world (mine was my family, Shuichi's was basically everyone but mostly Korekiyo, Makoto's was everyone), but since Hajime wanted to save everyone, he wanted to save Hawks as well.

However if he saved Hawks, then his reason to save others would vanish in that instant, causing a paradox and things to be reset.

Then I woke up with the message that, "Our traumas along with our happy times influence who we are now".

.............you be waking up to life lessons daily mah dude * finishes popcorn and claps* talk abt inspiring. Other than that, do you need a hug?

[wickedw3asleys]

MINEFIELDS - Pt. 2

George x reader

-> Part 1

WARNINGS: cussing, smoking, some angst, some fluff, mentions of sadness and anxiety..., couple fight...

With a cigarette on your lips, you continued admiring the beautiful lake behind the Burrow; a place George, Fred and you always used to hang out. Even since after leaving the house, you hadn't stopped crying, the emotional reunion with everybody, specially George, and the encounter with Angelina were too much for you to handle in such a short amount of time.

You couldn't say you were not surprised to see her at the Burrow, since Hermione hadn't mentioned her once in her letters, but you guessed that as you needed someone to be by your side like Dean, George needed someone too. And she had been crushing on her since his third year, so you were happy for him.

Except this was a total lie. You wanted to be happy for him, he deserved to be happy, but not with her. Ever since your years at Hogwarts she had been there to remind you how you were only the friend that nobody wanted, how you'd never be enough for anyone, specially the twins.

So the fact that she was in front of you, ready to hex you if she needed to, literally destroyed you mentally. You already knew you had fucked up things with George, and that was a conversation you needed to have with him, but you didn't need her to appear like that and talk for him, or anybody else in the house. Even though deep down, you knew she had all the rights to talk to you like that...

"Hey..."

You turn your head towards the soft voice, quickly wiping out your tears.

"Hermione! Hey..."

"Can I sit down?", she asks shyly.

"Of course you can..."

You pat next to you and she sat down. Both of you took a deep breath, looking in front of you.

"I miss our summer here...", you hear her whisper, "all gathered here, having picnics and throwing each other in the water..."

"Me too..."

Your mind wandered to all the memories you had made around the lake, all the laugh, water splashes, even minor injuries, you had made there, "It surely was great..."

"I'm sorry for Angelina... She's not... She's really protective of George, you know?", you chuckled at that, "Yeah, I can see that..."

"It's not personal-

"It has always been personal, Hermione...", you say, taking another cigarette, "But it's okay, I'm okay, really... I know I've made mistake, and I deserved it..."

"We all made mistakes...", she sighed, "After all that happened, the war... We all lost things, we all made mistakes... We all needed someone to help us heal..."

"Did you heal?", you ask.

"I think so... I still think about everything, and the ones we lost, like Remus and Tonks, Fred of course... Even Lavender sometimes... But the past is the past, unfortunately we cannot changed it... So the best was just... move on with my life and accept the fact that I'd have to live with that for the rest of my life... And Ron is great, he's amazing! He has it harder though... Because of Fred, but he's strong, he really helped everyone..."

You felt your heart crush in your chest at her words. She was right, the only thing left was move on and just live with it... Even if you didn't want to, it was the only thing to do.

"I don't know how to move on, 'Mione...", you whisper as you feel another tear roll down your cheek.

"What about Dean?"

"It's not the same... I like him, I really do...", you sigh, "But when I'm with him, something's missing... He tries! I know he does! And he's always supporting me and helping me but I feel that it's not what I need... And now it seems impossible to heal or move on... I-I just can't..."

Hermione puts her arm around your shoulder and puts your head on her shoulder, embracing you tightly.

"It's okay... I understand what you mean..."

"And I know I shouldn't have left, it's been killing me for 4 years, I should have stayed and help George, and Ron, and Ginny, and Molly and Arthur... And I left...", you didn't know why, but you needed to be blamed for what you did you needed to tell yourself that it was your fault. The way you left everyone.

"No... you did what you thought would be better for everyone, you didn't mean any harm..."

"But look at him... Look at George... Even though the rest is healing, he's not... and I could have helped him, we could've had healed together...", you cried in her arms.

"At least you're here now, Y/N... It's all that matters..."

"I miss him so much, 'Mione... Everyday I think about Fred and it hurts... So bad..."

She hold you tighter as she felt your body become weaker. She understood your pain, and she knew you needed to let it out, so she just hold you, petting your hair, not saying a word, letting you talk when you needed it and letting you cry.

After what seemed to be hours, you finally had stopped crying, still in Hermione's arms, now just talking about your years at Hogwarts... How you missed McGonagall's scolding whenever you ran through the halls, or visiting Hagrid for a cup of tea...

"Yeah... These were good years...", Hermione sighed.

"I wish we could turn back time and live all of it all over again..."

She chuckled and smiled, still looking at the lake.

"Come on, the others are probably wondering where we are...", she says, helping you get up, "And i'm keeping these!", she takes the cigarettes in your coat and shove them in hers, "Smoking is bad"

You rolled your eyes and headed up with her to the Burrow. She hadn't changed a bit, she was still the Hermione you once knew.

"Hey... We're here...", she said quietly while opening the door.

"Oh, hi, dear!", Molly exclaims warmly as she cleaned her hands on her dress.

It looked like no one was around, except for Molly, who was doing the dishes.

"Do you need help, Molly?", you ask.

"Don't worry, darling, I've got this!", she smiles, "But you should go take a rest now, it has been a long morning..."

You nodded and after giving her a hug, you made your way up to Charlie's bedroom. On your way you could see Harry and Ginny, just hanging out in her bedroom, Arthur reading a muggle book in his, and Ron napping. All of them looked peaceful and happy, perhaps you were the only one that still wasn't able to move on...

Just as you were thinking about that, you heard loud voices coming from Fred and George's old bedroom.

"... Angie, I promise I didn't know she was supposed to come..."

"4 years, George! 4 years! She disappeared and abandoned you!"

"She didn't!"

"Yes, she did! Where was she when you couldn't sleep or even look at you in the mirror?! I was there! Not her!"

"This is not what the conversation is about!"

"It is! You can't forgive her and hug her like nothing has ever happened!"

"YES I CAN!", you heard George's voice getting louder, "I need her!"

And with that, complete silence. You decided it was better to not keep listening, it was a private conversation and you've had already heard enough.

You finally reached for the doorknob of the bedroom and when you were about to open it, you heard a loud thud followed by a quiet "fuck you, George".

"Oh, great!", Angelina exclaims when opens George's door.

"Angie..."

"Not. A. Word.", she spits, "I have heard and seen enough of you"

She turns around and makes her way down to the living room.

You raise your head and exchange glances with George, who was sitting on his bed, looking completely miserable.

"Are you okay?", you ask, slowly entering his room, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-

"It's okay... Don't worry about me... She's right I suppose..."

"She is... Look, I can't explain how sorry I am... for everything, for leaving you, for not keeping in touch with you..."

He didn't say anything, he just stood up and hugged you. You had missed him so much, and it's been so long... But nothing had changed, he was still the same George, same hair, same smile, same smell...

"You're here now...", he whispers.

You stayed like that for a few moments, enjoying each other's company, and you could feel how he needed this hug as much as you needed it.

"Can we talk?", he says when he separates from you.

"Yes, of course!"

"I'd rather do it in private, if you're okay with it... There's a lot to talk about and I feel it won't be the same if everyone's around..."

"Yeah! I understand... Tell me when you feel like it..."

"Tonight? I don't want to rush or anything, I just need-

"Tonight is great, Georgie...", you caress his cheek.

"I missed you calling me "Georgie", he smiles, taking your hand in his. He placed a soft kiss on your knuckles and decided to go to the kitchen help his mom with the rest of the dishes, to what you decided to go to your room and take a nap.

Closing your eyes, hundreds of images of you running through the castle with the twins invaded your mind. Memories of them chasing you after pranking them, or simply trying to escape from Filch... You felt a something warm and comforting rushing through your body for the first time after what seemed to be an eternity. Perhaps being there was really what you needed to heal...

☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆…☆

tag-list:

@28cnn , @lindsaytriestowrite , @jenniweaslee , @amityyyjade , @dracossimp01 , @themoonwithprophets , @hufflepuffflowers , @georgeweasley19 , @mendesdelight

[peachlolitasevillacourtstuff]

Stratos and Oona (story part 4)

* A week has passed since the last part of the president's story, Pac, cyli, spiral, they were still very puzzled by the attitude of the president in the end, Sir.c was suspicious about the date of birth of cedrick, he kept watching doubtfully to the president *

Pac: Sir Sir.c, Still still baffled

Sir.c: yes pacman, I still doubt that the behavior of the president...

Pac: and I haven't asked him

Sir.c: no, I don't want to be reckless with my friend, but I don't know if you want to talk to me..:v

Pac: and if we ask his mom

Sir.c: I don't think you know ..

PAc: neither his sister, nor Elli

Sir.c: elli and arimette I don't think they will respond to that either ... I think we have to leave it at that.

Pac: good * says discouraged *

*outside*

Pinky: hello pac chan ... x3 how's my favorite yellow doing x3

Pac: very discouraged guys ..

Clyde: what's up dude? * asks as usual in his slimy eyes *

Pac: it's about the president's son

Inky: Are you talking about that boy who looks like a dwarf betrayus?🙄

PAc: uh .. yes ..

Blinky: hey pacman do you remember the day we met that boy?

Pac: HAHAHAHA That was a crazy adventure

Pinky: and when I looked at him I wanted to give him lots of kisses and hugs ..> 3 <

Clyde: you always want to give kisses and hugs, fresona yandere

Pac: changing the subject, he has betrayus in his hands again: c

Blinky: well you know how to always try to steal the warehouse ..

* in the round house *

Stratos: Yes, collapse that place, it has been there for almost nine 9, I know it was a commander base and it is a historical area, but it is already forgotten, I do not care! just destroy that betrayus base and now!

* Sir.c enters *

Stratos: hello Sir.c !? How can I help you..

Sir.c: well friend I have no other things to do, but tell me what you do

Stratos: well, I ordered the demolition of a base by my brother, since that base had been inactive for 9 years now, it seemed too stupid to continue having it there.

Sir.c: which base do you mean, hey, was that base where you went to check some more men, to discover all the observatories of Commander Betrayus' tactics?

Stratos: hehe yes ... now if you'll excuse me I'm going to have dinner, together with my son, if you don't mind of course ..

Sir.c: yes of course .. there is no doubt. Heh ..

* betrayus looking from his slimy camera *

Dr.Buttocks: haha ​​without a doubt the very heavy of your brother barely knows how to hide .. xD

Betrayus: It is incredible that after almost 10 years I continue to cultivate that story, although when I think about it I never get to know crush, although the name oona is not so well known to me

Buttler: there is love, the sweet love of the old man

Betrayus: nobody asked your opinion buttler ¬-¬

Buttler: you have to be rude 7-7

Betrayus: well let's see what my older brother is holding  * laughs evilly *

*in the dinner*

Cedrick: Dad for dinner 

Stratos: toasted bread, and fruit jam ..

Cedrick: again? Why don't we have dinner like Molly's family? >:T

Stratos: no complaints drick, it's all we'll eat .. 

Cedrick: oh so bad, do you think we can have a mashed potato tomorrow?

Stratos: I'll see, now he has dinner * he says while eating his toast *

* in his bed late at night *

Stratos: shit .. what do I do with my son and my past .. * she says looking at the ceiling while her past recovers in her mind *

"stratos"

Stratos: OONA! 

Oona: I see you very anxious, because you can't sleep 

Stratos: Tomorrow Sir.c, the sergeant spheria and more soldiers who do not know will go to a new platoon, which would be a death sentence, in which one of them will not return .. and the worst thing is that it will last 7 days and 7 nights indefinitely

Oona: it's good that you don't go, I don't know what our baby would do without you, or without me

Stratos: oona when all this is over we will get married.. and we will form a great and perfect family I feel it inside me * he says as he touches oona's belly *

* The next morning Stratos had risen early to make simple coffee, he was looking at the cloudy morning of the day, the sky seemed to be depressing, today would start that platoon in which his friend and the sergeant would fight to the death *

Stratos: I wonder how others will go without me * he says taking a sip *

"NGH! S..STRATOS"

Stratos: oona !?

Oona: ngh .. I think it's time .. it's time ..! ngh! 

Stratos: OH in the name of world pac! the baby is already to come!

Oona: PLEASE! TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! * she says while amniotic fluids and a little blood come out of her crotch *

Stratos: Don't worry, everything will be fine! just hold on!

Oona: Ngh! Thank you..

*at the hospital*

Stratos: Someone help! my girlfriend is going to give birth!

Doctor: So soon! please take Oona winefrida to the delivery room!

Stratos: you will be fine love and you will be with our baby

"MR. PRESIDENT"

Stratos: WAAAAAAHH! What happens!

Guard: Mr. President, it is already 9 am .. your son did not go to school and the worst thing is that the alarm has been ringing for almost an hour .. 

Stratos: oh hell .. I was having a very deep sleep .. 

* eight hours later *

Cedrick: SIIIII, THREE DAYS WITHOUT CLASS 

Stratos: good son (damn it was my fault it wasn't, tomorrow I will have to give a summons to the school principal)  

Pac: good morning Mr. President

Cyli: because cedrick is not at school

Stratos: I fell asleep from more boys ... I really sleep like a wintering bear ^^;

Pac: Well we are 2

Spiral: and that counts again sir

Stratos: not at all guys? and how was it in this mission against the underworld

Pac: as always sir ..

Stratos: I'm glad to hear that

Pac: But we hear they demolished an abandoned base of Commander Betrayus.

Cyli: yes and as soon as we found out that on that same base you and a group of other soldiers investigated that place.

Spiral: what was it like to be in that place ...

Stratos: terrifying, it was as if my brother caught me with his shadow of death on my back ..

Pac, cyli and spiral: woaaaa ...

Stratos: We found all the plans and strategies of this same one ... which fortunately were discarded before they came to light ...

Pac: or that sounds great

Stratos: hehehe .. yes ..

Sir.c: and speaking of that mission ... I also heard that in that same place there was an area where there were probably experiments that are currently unknown. 

Stratos: I had forgotten that, but at the same time it was disgusting.

*after that the boys and the president continued with their daily routines of the day, stratos still could not sleep because of what Sir.c had said, experiments on that basis, stratos knew what it meant*

Stratos: god of pac-world kill me ..

"stratos ..."

*said a calm voice in the background*

Stratos: who is!

"many years have passed.."

Stratos: that voice, it seems so familiar to me ..

"That's right, it's me, you remind me"

*suddenly a ghostly light appeared, its color was white and it had the appearance of a fish, she approached stratos carefully*

Stratos: oona! it's really you! are you her spirit

Oona: s stratos, they have let me come to the surface world to see you but my time is limited...

Stratos: where are you now?

Oona: in the heavenly kingdom, it is a wonderful place, only pac-worldes who were good in your life are welcome ..

Stratos: Oona, why are you here?

Oona: I see that you don't sleep well, you don't think clearly, but you can't stay like this at will.

Stratos: cedrick what have you seen? even if it's not your blood and flesh ..

Oona: although it is not my blood and my flesh, I love it, although it does not replace the pain we have been through since our baby was born.

Stratos: I ... I still remember that fateful day, I was supposed to be the happiest, but fate took it from us ...

Doctor: Mister spheros ..

Stratos: how is she doing?

Doctor: even at rest, sir, but there were many complications in childbirth.

Stratos: what happened? she and the baby?

Doctor: the baby is a girl, but how strong is it ..?

Stratos: how strong am I, well how strong to face the commander ^^;

Doctor: I'm very sorry sir .. look at it for your own eyes ..

Stratos: those words froze me, when I entered the room I could find you resting, while next to you our baby in her crib, but when I held her, I realized that her tender and soft cold skin told me that nothing was right with she .. couldn't even hear any single heartbeat in her. Because I wasn't crying ...

Doctor: I am sorry to tell you, Mr. Spheros, the girl died within oona 2 days before birth. We have analyzed it. You and Winefrida were not compatible with having children, it is hard but they must overcome it.

Stratos: Incopatible! ..

Doctor: .. you cannot have children with another person ..

Stratos: I .. no .. * he says as he hugged his crying baby *

Continue...

[sukkadeservedbetter]

It’s Different.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: After a dramatic and traumatizing experience at a gas station, things with Tom hit different.

Warnings: Mugging/Robbery

Word Count: 2.6 of fluff

You’ve always been oddly comforted by the smell of gasoline. Anything that smelled like a car garage had always left you with a sense of euphoria: new tires, exhaust pipes, and metals. It wasn't something you could really explain, but as the faint smell of gasoline entered your nose after a horribly long day at work, you welcomed it.

Your mother always told you not to let your mileage gauge get below 50 miles, but you never listened to her. Tonight you got to the gas station with 10 miles left. Tempting the fates was becoming a little hobby of yours—at least when it came to getting gas. Mainly because you hated pumping gas. It wasn't hard, or even a lot of work, but you always realized you needed gas at the worst possible times. Like tonight, for example. You didn't have anywhere to be, but you were tired. You debated whether you wanted to prolong getting into your comfy clothes tonight or wake up earlier tomorrow in order to fill your stupid car with gas. In the end, prolonging rest now seemed a whole lot better than waking up any earlier than you needed to tomorrow.

You begrudgingly dragged your exhausted body out of your car. It wasn't all that late, but the sun had gone down behind the hills and a faint wind nipped at your neck and cheeks. Summer was officially over, but the remanence of long, warm nights hung in the faint pink glow of the horizon. You scrolled through your phone mindlessly as your car's tank filled agonizingly slowly. You heard your mother's voice telling you that you should always wait in your car while pumping gas at night, just in case. You shook off her words. You lived in the sleepiest part of L.A. where nothing even remotely interesting happened. It was all families and Instagram models here—not crackheads and gangs.

The gas pump clicked, letting you know you were finally done with this heinous chore. You placed the pump back in its holster and finished up paying on the pin pad. As you pivoted on your left foot to turn around and hop into your car, you felt cool metal press against the back of your skull. Your throat closed immediately. The pounding in your chest became overwhelmingly loud. Your ears rang and everything began to slow. Whoever was behind you spoke, but you couldn't hear anything.

They teach you about the "fight or flight response," but they never tell you about the third reaction in response to fear: freeze. You wanted to scream, or run, or kick, but you couldn't do anything. Your lip began to quiver as you cursed yourself for never listening to your mom's advice. The person behind you grabbed onto your arm so hard you yelped.

"Shut the fuck up!" The voice yelled. It was deep and gravely. "I said, give me your money and I won't have to use this." You heard the sound of his gun cocking and you let out a silent wail.

"I don't have anything," you plea, putting your hands up to show you were literally empty-handed.

"Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? Where is your purse? In the car? Walk." The man shoved you towards your car. Your mind raced with possibilities of how to get out of the situation. You quickly realized that you were either going to have to give him your money or he would shoot you and there was no in-between. For a moment you let yourself hope that someone would save you in a damsel-in-distress moment, but you knew that real life wasn't a fairytale, and knights in shining armor were far and in between in L.A.

The man turned you around and shoved you against your car door causing you to wince. When you saw his face you let out a sob. He was wearing a Spider-Man mask. Your mind went straight to Tom. You and Tom had been friends for years. You knew he was kind and good, but you couldn't help but associate him with the mask and that made this situation so much worse.

"Now, give me your money so I don't have to blow your fucking head off," The man sneered. You gulped as you turned around to open your car door. The man placed a harsh hand on your hip as you bent over to reach for your purse. Your throat closed up again thinking about what he might do after you give him the money. You grabbed both your debit and credit card out of your wallet. In a stroke of dumb luck, you remembered something from a John Mulaney special you had watched with Tom a while back.

"Here. Fetch!" You yelled as you turned around and chucked your cards as far away from yourself and the car as you could. The man shoved you into your car, causing you to hit your head, as he ran towards your cards which were now scattered about 20 yards away. You slammed your door shut and drove away quickly, hoping he wouldn't shoot towards your speeding car. You felt numb. Your body shook as you drove. You wanted to go home and sob, but you knew you had to go to the police station first.

The police station took forever. You sat in a boring room that was too bright and too cold as you listened to a policewoman talk you through the process of filing a report. You weren't fully there and if she had asked you to repeat what she was saying you wouldn't have been able to. After what seemed like forever, the police let you go. You got in your car and stared forward mindlessly. Where were you supposed to go? Home was the obvious answer, but you didn't want to go back to your dark and lonely apartment after what had happened. Every time you blinked you saw Spider-Man holding a gun towards you.

You realized that you wanted to see Tom. Tom always knew how to make you feel better and after being terrorized by someone who looked like Spider-Man, Tom's happy-go-lucky attitude and soft British voice was something you craved. You checked the time to find that it was nearing 11:30. Tom might not even be home, but you didn't care. You considered calling him first, just to see if he was home, or wanted to see you, but you were already outside of his apartment before you could truly comprehend that you were heading to him.

You stood with shaking hands outside of his building. As you pressed the call button for his apartment, you became instantly anxious. What if Tom didn't want to see you? What if he had someone over? What if—

"Hello?" Tom's voice rang from the speaker. You let out a shaky sigh of relief. At least he was home. "Hello?" Tom asked again.

"Oh, uh. Hi, Tom..."

"(Y/N)? What're you doing here?" He didn't sound upset, just confused.

"I, uh... can I come up?"

"Yeah, of course!" The door buzzed and clicked open. You pushed the ornate gold handle and began bounding up the stairs. You should've taken the elevator in your state, but you didn't want to wait. Your heart was pounding as you climbed to the ninth floor. By the time you got to Tom's apartment, you were out of breath. You took a moment to compose yourself before you knocked. Tom opened the door with a sideways smile. Upon seeing his face you immediately crumpled into his arms and started sobbing. You hadn't processed what had happened yet, but seeing Tom all soft and warm in his hoodie and sweats made you feel safe.

Tom grabbed you just before you hit the floor and wrapped you into a tight hug. You knew he was probably scared and confused, but you couldn't stop crying long enough to explain yourself. You were ugly crying. There were snot and tears coming out of and your jagged breaths made you feel as though you could vomit. Tom didn't say anything he just rubbed your back and pulled you onto his couch.

"I'm-- I'm so... so sorry," You choked out.

"Shhh, it's okay," Tom comforted. "It's alright, Darlin'." Even upset that pet name made your heart swell. "What's going on?" Tom asked. You took a few seconds to gain some composure. You sat up and wiped the tears from your face as best you could. After a few seconds of uneven breathing, you began to tell Tom what happened. His brows furrowed and his grip on your thigh tightened as you told him how this stranger attacked you.

"I didn't mean to bother you so late I just... I didn't know where to go," you said as you concluded your story.

“No, it’s okay! I’m glad you can here. You’re always welcome here. You know that.” Tom pulled you in for another tight hug. You breathed in his cologne. The familiar scent sent your brain back to last spring when the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Tom wasn’t just a friend—or he was, but with benefits. Two years ago after a bad break up and a lot of tequila the two of you first hooked up. After that, it became custom for the two of you to get together whenever you were both single and in the same place. It wasn’t constant and both you had been in and out of relationships since you first hooked up, but when it happened it happened—no questions asked. A part of you often longed for something more, but at the end of the day, you were just happy to have someone like Tom in your life.

You looked up at Tom through glassy eyes. You wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Tom had always been good at reading you even if you swore you had a great poker face. Tom placed two fingers under your chin and tilted your head so that your lips met his. It was a soft kiss, nothing particularly special, but behind it was all the care in the world and it was mutual. You break apart after only a few seconds.

"I hope that makes up for that asshole using my likeness to mug you." You let out a shaky laugh.

"It did. Thank you."

"I cannot believe the wisdom of John Mulaney came to you in your moment of crisis," Tom laughed.

"Actually, I think it was Detective J.J. Bittenbinder's wisdom," you teased. As you moved to sit completely upright you winced.

"You okay?" Tom asked, suddenly worried.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. That guy just rattled me around a bit. I'll be fine." You were lying. You would be fine, but your hip and back and arm hurt like hell and you didn't want Tom to worry.

"Okay..." Tom said, obviously still unsure. "Do you want to shower? It'll help you relax."

"Yeah, that would be really nice." Tom helped you up from the couch. You followed him to his bathroom with his hand interlaced in yours. You forgot how attractive an attentive/over-protective Tom was.

"You can get in. I'll go grab you a towel," Tom said. You didn't really respond so much as nod, but you knew he knew that you meant, "sure, thank you." You quickly stripped yourself of your clothing and stepped into the steaming water. You winced and cowered away from the water as it hit your forming bruises. You looked down at the marks on your arm and hip which were already red and swollen. The faint outline of fingers traced over your hip. Looking down at the marks, you wanted to cry again, but you knew that there was no point.

You heard the bathroom door open again and could just see Tom's figure from behind the fogged-up glass door. You closed your eyes and let the water pour over your face. When you opened your eyes again Tom's figure was closer to the door, but this time it was devoid of clothing. The door opened and Tom stepped in silently. You turned around to face him.

"Hi," You whispered.

"Hi. This okay?" Tom asked. You nodded, but you suddenly felt the need to cover yourself. You couldn't figure out why you felt so exposed. Tom had seen you naked plenty of times, but this felt different. This was so much more intimate. Normally when you were naked in front of Tom alcohol was involved and during the times it wasn't your exposed body was veiled by the haze of lust and need. Now there was nothing to conceal your skin or your bruises.

Tom's eyes immediately went towards the mark on your arm. He lifted it up to see the bruise better and felt like you could see his heartbreaking as his face crumpled at the sight. "Baby..." he whined, pulling you in for another hug. Your breath caught in your chest at the pet name. Tom never called you 'baby' except for during sex. You (along with most other girls) were always 'love' or 'darling", but this time he called you baby. It felt different.

Your wet body pressed against his. You had never showered with Tom. It was nice. It wasn't sexual like you assumed it would be. In fact, for once, Tom wasn't trying to make an intimate situation sexual at all. Tom pressed a wet kiss to your forehead. "I'm so sorry," he said against your hair.

"It's fine," you mumbled back. Tom turned you around so that your back was now against his chest. You felt his fingertips skim over what you assumed to be various bruises on your back. Without warning, Tom brought his lips down to your shoulders and peppered open kisses across them. He brought his arms around your waist and you bit back a huge grin. Either subconsciously or out of habit leaned your neck to the side to give Tom better access to your neck. Rather than giving you a hickey like you expected him to, he pressed a soft kiss to the exposed skin and turned your head back to meet his lips.

This kiss was different than the kiss you shared on the couch. This kiss was slow and deliberate. Tom slipped in just enough tongue to give you the chills. You could've stayed in that moment forever, but you knew all too well that all good things must come to an end. After what seemed like hours you and Tom stepped out of the shower into the foggy bathroom. Tom wrapped a towel around you, kissing your forehead again in the process. You internally groaned at the thought of putting your jeans back on and going home. Like always, Tom was one step ahead of you.

"Do you want to stay?" Tom asked, but it wasn't like he normally asked you. Something in his voice was different. "I could stay on the couch if you want the bed to yourself, or you could have the couch. I just..." He was nervous.

"You don't need to sleep on the couch," You said, calming Tom's nerves. "You just have to let me borrow a t-shirt."

"Deal." Tom handed you one of his shirts. You slipped your panties back on and let Tom's shirt engulf your figure. It smelled like him. By the time you were finished drying your hair, Tom was already in bed. He was awake, but barely. You slipped into bed next to him and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, Tommy."

"Of course, (Y/N)." You had ended your nights so many times in the same way in Tom's bed, but when he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your shoulder, something felt different.

——

A/N: This is loosely based on an experience I had a few months back and while getting gas I got inspired! Lemme know what you think :)

[shadowknight465]

Lunar seer

June 19, 1517

Today I decided to cut myself,  so I can numb the pain I feel almost every single day. Now thinking about it; it was the most stupidest thing I have ever done. Luckily my brother was there to stop me, in fact there should be more people like my brother in the world then anything else. Maybe I am needed after all.

Nightmare put down his quill, and close his journal entry. He looked out to his window to see his brother playing with a couple kids. To him children are pure beings that has more common sense than adults. He should know he was the village children's secret teacher. All because a little girl asked him to read her a story that her mom neglected to read for her. As he thinks for a writing prompt in his own stories, he heard the parents of the children calling for them, it's way past their bedtime. Dream came back holding a book. "Brother, can you read me the story? The girls told me that you're the best storyteller in the world." Dream ask with stars in his eyes. "I can teach you to read that book if you want." Nightmare responded.

"Well I don't want anyone to see me as a grown baby anymore." Dream reason with himself.

That night under a full moon, on Dream's bed.  As Nightmare help Dream read a Greek mythology about how Leto gave birth to Artemis and Apollo. They discover like many of the towns people Dream has difficulty reading. However it doesn't mean he won't give up on it.

"Let-o struggle for 9 d-ays try-ing to give Ap-o birth, then her first-born daughter Art-e-mis who was born mer-ely a few days.. Brother, how come it's forbidden for anyone, but the priest and the king to read?" Dream asked putting the book on his lap. Both of them knew Nightmare broke the sacred law of literacy. Nightmare scratch his head then said. "I wish I knew, Dream I was I knew. Plus I was very curious when I was young."

Dream chuckled. I know I promise everyone that I'll keep it a secret, but everyone believed that you were a cursed."

"What do you mean?" Nightmare responded. Just because he one of the a few people who knows how to read, doesn't make him cursed. "Well you're not very good at socializing, not very well at being empathetic, and you never look at anyone in the eye."

"I looked at you in the eye."

"Plus, now this is the only part where I and everyone else agreed on, you never really pay attention to any of your surroundings; you just have your nose-hole in a book." Dream turned at Nightmare with a smirk on his face. "Also you keep rubbing with your hands, even as we speak."

Nightmare look down at his hands and put them behind his back. "Do you see me as cursed?" Nightmare asked. "Nah, you're just different." Dream answer as he snuggle in his bear skins blanket inside a rope hammock.

"Well, Bonne nuit." Nightmare walk to his room. "Bonne nuit.." Dream respond as he drift off to sleep.

Nightmare headed to his hammock and wrap himself into his bear skin. Letting the tiredness to take over into a deep sleep.

~~~

He found himself in the same valley at the stars again, this time he shall white figures that resembles children playing which later turned into a whole village celebrating a festival. Curiosity took over and he went to see what the festival is all about. Only to see a version of both him and his brother but his doppelgänger felt a bit off. Not right off in the 'this is not normal' way. Off as an eerie feeling. His hunch was right when he saw the doppelgänger killed the tree by accident. Yet here the other him, being hated.  Things got worse when the doppelgänger got corrupted with the negative apples by eating them and started killing everyone, later turning his brother into stone. Nightmare tried to get the lookalike to stop, but as if by invisible chains, he cannot move or speak. He than felt a cold chill on his shoulder blade and turn around seeing himself with black substance pouring from his eyesockets as he smiled a crooked grin, muttering. "Hope is useless, dispair forever there."

Nightmare jotted up in cold sweat as silence filled the room. He look around to see if everything is still here. It was. He groun to himself. He's the prince of nightmares, he shouldn't be afraid of them. Because he don't think he'll go back to sleep anytime soon, he decided to make himself some coffee with milk cream. After making the fire, he took a look at the tree and he's doesn't know if he shouldn't do this, but he doesn't care. He admired his side of the tree, for resembling the night sky. If is was blue instead of purple of course. Then again a purple night sky wouldn't be so bad. As he traced the Orion constellation he heard the sound of crunching leaves, which turns out to be his brother.

"Dream, what are you doing up so late?" Nightmare asked. Usually he was night owl and Dream was the morning bird.

"I had another nightmare. This time I was being burned alive." He answered. "I guess your dreams are trying to tell you to not play with fire often." Nightmare responded.

"But fire is so beautiful."

"I know, but it's very dangerous as well." After a few seconds of silent Nightmare offer his brother some coffee. Dream was shocked when he heard that. His brother is a coffee addict and will get angry at anyone who interrupted his coffee time or try to steal his coffee. "You mean it?" He asked. "Sure." Nightmare said as he pat the other side of the log he was sitting on. Dream had coffee before, so it wasn't a huge shocker that he didn't go crazy and disturb the villagers sleep. Nightmare did notice that he was paying attention to the fire instead of the hot spilled drops on his shirt. "Just got a word from the messenger that the fire wizards are now calling themselves pyromancers." Nightmare jested. "Brother." Dream chuckle for a bit while embarrassed. As the two brothers laughed at the jest.

Nightmare suddenly saw a flash of light and saw a beautiful church that was famous throughout centuries because of a singular book. "Notre Dame." He whispered the church's name. " is something wrong brother?" Dream asked. "In April 15, 2019, Notre Dame will be set on fire."

"Brother don't destroy the beautiful church and plus it's impossible to live to see that year." Dream responded. Snapping Nightmare out of his dream like state. "Hmm? What happened?" Nightmare asked.

"You just said that Notre Dame will be set on fire in 2019." Dream reminded. Nightmare couldn't believe what he heard. Did he really said that? Before he could say anything else another flash appeared. This time he saw a queen portrait, but her head was off. He looked at the name he saw Marie-Antoinette. Nightmare shook his head violently and asked Dream did he say something weird. Dream nodded and said. "You yelled 'Let them cake' as you rip the head of a snake from its body." Nightmare quickly look down at his hot blooded hands with one of them still holding the head of the poor snake. He dropped it and immediately pour out his coffee to make a new batch. This time no cream.

"What's happening to me?" Nightmare asked himself. "Maybe you just need some sleep." Dream said. Nightmare quickly forgot that Dream was sitting right next to him. Regardless Nightmare nodded and decided to wash his hands in the cold river water. Just before he got onto his hammock he asked. "Hey, Dream can you sleep with me?" in an embarrassing tone. Dream nodded happily as the two brothers climb onto the hammock. Maybe just had to do something with the moon.

~~~~

Nightmare regret about drinking coffee at midnight. He felt the bags forming in his skull already as soon as he woke up. It didn't stop him from going out on his day however. After he was done brushing his teeth it dried corn and water, got dressed, and took his stickle for hunting. He saw a bright fire on the house. He knows it one of his bullies house, but it doesn't mean he can't prove that he's not evil after all. He dropped his stickle and grabbed a random bucket and headed straight for the village water well. After he was done filling the bucket he ran to the house while looking around, wondering why is nobody's reacting to this at all. After some effort he threw the water on top of the house. Big mistake. He could only stand up clutching his teeth and forming fists as he was being scolded at, while trying his best to not cry. What's going on me?

Nightmare asked himself. Until the priest got to the crowd yelling. "I'VE TOLD DREAM THAT HIS DEMON BROTHER IS CURSED WITH THAT  HEINOUS JEWEL ON HIS BACK!" The crowd then try to rip his shirt, but he quickly got away to the woods. Knowing that nobody goes there out of fear of the Pooka. After a while of running he stopped to catch his breath.

Am I really cursed?

He thought to himself. He later try to think back on what he did before the events. Maybe one of his bullies cursed him. Maybe it could be the priest after Dream didn't listen and took his side. He then thought about his own nightmare. Is it true that despair is forever here? He heard the sound of running water and followed it. Maybe a splash of cold water will help him. As soon as he was done. He felt something hot the second time he dip his hands in the water. He later opened his eyes and saw that the water is stained with blood in some type of substance that apparently can be light on fire even if it's in water.

What the hell is going on?

He thought to himself .

"You are seeing the future." A familiar voice said. He turn and saw one of those ghost people. "I'm seeing what?"

"The future that's why your eyesight been acting strange and so is your behavior." The ghost said. Nightmare sigh and got up. "Look I don't know what your little plan is. Making me scared on being your emperor-king? I don't care, but making a fool of me means that you had to explain yourself." Nightmare rant. It becomes more terrifying from the fact he's actually taller than the little ghost.  "As the moon emperor it's important for you to see the future. Even if it means no one will believe you."

"You still should've picked Dream. He'll make a greater emperor than me." Nightmare continue. "I understand that you are confused, but just like everyone else said you are not needed in this world."  It reply. "You're wrong again because my brother needs me."

"Remember that dream you had last night? We were showing you what will happen catch up if you continue your miserable path."

Nightmare couldn't believe what he is hearing. So, he left. The part where the ghost said no one will believe him actually reminds him of what he would consider one of Greeks saddest tragedy  Cassandra Ulysses. He will admit that even though her death was kind of sad, it was also kind of happy knowing that she would be free from all the pain she went through.  He went back to the village hoping that maybe that they're going to forget about the little incident. They didn't, and called him a 'mad skeleton'. He remembered that he dropped a hunting stickle, and try to look for in the grass.

That's when one of the bullies he scared the other day stabbed him in the back with it. "This is what happens to demons like you." The bully said. Nightmare just shook his head. If the bully was going to stab him in the back he should've done it with his own weapon. "You're still a hypocrite. And don’t think that I didn't saw you trying to groom a 11-year-old girl." Nightmare said. "Well who is going to believe an aspect of evil like you?" The bully reply. Nightmare will admit he does have a point, but he didn't say it. So he just replied it with. "God will, if you try to kill me."

"Do you think God will ever care about a evil being like you?" Nightmare didn't reply. And walk towards his home, and of course the priest forced the little ones to throw rotten fruit and vegetables at him. While the adults called him evil and that his life doesn't worth anything. Not thinking about public appearance anymore he ran across the stream without rolling his pants up or taking off his boots. And of course he kept his eyes closed the whole time and bumped into their cottage. He quickly rubbed his nose-hole and got inside. Knowing that all the adults are laughing at him. He hated the adults are hypocrites that the children will get tainted with ignorance as they grow older. The world seem scary when the younger generations have more common sense than the last one. He threw himself to his hammock to take a few breaths.

"Brother, are you OK?" He heard the gentle voice of his twin. "Come in." Nightmare reply. "Everyone told me about how you ran around like a maniac, and some of them saw you sobbing. Did something happened?" Dream said.

"I think I'm really am cursed. I keep seeing horrible events, and I believe I'm going insane." Nightmare told Dream. " How can you be so sure?" Dream asked. "I don't know." Nightmare sigh. "Hey Nightmare can I ask you something again?"

"Sure, what did you need?" Nightmare sat up from his hammock. "Do you think we're horrible brothers to each other?"

Nightmare got confused. Why out of all people Dream would ask that?

"What makes you say that?" Nightmare asked.

"Well, everyone keep comparing us to be polar opposite's with each other. And every time I'm not around you always ended up getting hurt one way or another. And you were so distant from me lately." Dream answers, trying not to cry in front his brother, but failing. "Dream, no sibling is perfect for one another, but that's why we had to stay together. In a way we balance each other out."

"But why were you avoiding me? Don't you trust me?" Dream asked. Nightmare sigh. " I do trust you I always thought you want to play with your little friends like we always said ' I need to get out of my little shell more'." Nightmare reminded Dream. "Plus I'm not always avoiding you. As long you are wearing that cape, always know that I'm here." He reminded Dream about that stormy night. Dream blush embarrassingly.

"And you would've made friends with the Village's children if they actually see that you are the best brother ever." Dream joked a little. Nightmare chuckled. Sometimes he feels like the only reason he kept on living was because of Dream. "Oh, I almost forgot our hammocks are going to be replaced with actual beds. And this is the fun part we get to design our own bedrooms." Dream cheered.

"What?" Nightmare responded.

~~~~

After half the day on room designing Nightmare went to his new bedroom. Which is shades a silver,purple and hues of blue. The only thing that seems to be the odd one out is the giant light yellow crescent moon on his spring blanket. And he felt lucky that the villagers are sort of nice when they gave him his own writing desk. He set his book down and began writing his thoughts.

June 20, 1517

Lately today I began seeing visions of what the spirit told me to be the future. However they also said no one will believe me like the story of Cassandra. I still don't know what their intentions are, but my visions told me that if I continue on my suffering path I'll become the evil being everyone believed me to be. I know that in the Bible that I should be afraid of God, but I don't think I am. I am more afraid of people, yet not their children. It's scary to think how the elders are supposed to be the wisest, but it was actually them.

Nightmare closes his book and went to his bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[0bsessedwithdolan-blog]

High School Sweetheart-Part 3

A/N: I know I said Part 3 would be the last part, but instead it will be Part 4. I hope you enjoy.

"So..when can I officially call you mine?" I said quietly looking into his beautiful hazel eyes.

Grayson smirked and pushed the hair out of my face. "Soon." Soon? This is killing me.

"How soon is soon?" I said with desparation in my voice. 

"Now." and with that his lips met mine and it was like I had never been kissed by anyone else in my life. This was the kiss that they talked about in movies. My heart was beating and I couldn't help it but tears were filling my eyes. In this moment, I was the happiest I had ever been. 

1 year 2 months later

"Grayson, whats going on? You've barely talked to me all day." I said with annoyance in my voice. It was our 14 month anniversary and he had barely even looked my way the whole day even though we have 4 classes together. 

"Y/N..we need to talk" he muttered. Then I knew. He was leaving me. It felt like my heart was literally breaking. I know things had been a little rough for us the past couple of weeks, but I didn't expect this. 

"Say it." I said just above a whisper. I wanted him to say the words so there was no room for confusion.

"I think we need a break.." he replied while looking at the ground. With that, I turned and walked to the school principal office to use the phone to call my mom. I had to get out of there I could not be in school right now. 

I went home, straight to my room and cried. The pain in my chest was unlike anything I had experienced. I always thought it was just saying. "Break my heart" But it literally felt like my heart was breaking. 

At some point, I had fallen asleep and when I woke up I had a thousand messages asking what happened and even more "i'm sorrys." I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I wouldn't. 

For the next week I barely ate or did anything other than cry, sleep, and go to school. I hadn't talked to Grayson at all, but I had seen him talking to Kat on the way to class one day. He was telling her how he felt about her. Wow. He did the same thing to me that he had done to her and Lindsay. She was saying she couldn't be with him because of our friendship. Surprisingly we had become friends over the past year and I loved her. I loved her even more for not wanting to hurt me, but honestly, I just wanted Grayson happy and thats what I told her.

"I just can't be with him, Y/N. Not after what he did to you. Plus I just don't feel that way about him" She told me one day at break. 

After that we didn't really talk to much because even though she wouldn't be with him, Grayson still hung around her and I couldn't be around Grayson. This was a huge problem because Grayson and I had all of the same friends. Junior has been terrible. I cannot wait for it to be over. 

7 months later

Finally it was May. Although it had gotten a little better, I was still ready for junior year to be over. I had spoken to Grayson a few times during class if I needed to. Once he even asked why I was so nice to him. I had had a couple of other boyfriends, but they never lasted more than a month or two. I just couldn't feel for someone the way I felt for Grayson. 

It wasn't for lack of trying. I even got back with one of the guys who I had broken up with a few months ago. He was sweet and funny. But he wasn't Grayson. 

Anyway, school is over now. Been over for about a week and my boyfriend went back to his hometown to visit family so I was struggling with distracting myself from Grayson. Ding. Was that my phone? No one ever messages me. 

"I'm nervous" the message read. It was from Grayson. I was stunned. Why was he messaging me? We hadn't spoken about anything other than school since we broke up. 

"Why?' I replied

"I want to get my hair cut a little shorter, but I am scared about how it will look." Is he serious right now? Messaging me for advice about his hair? He has no reason to be nervous. He will look good no matter what. Thats exactly what I told him.

"Thanks Y/N" he replied

"No problem" and the conversation was over. 

After that Grayson and I started talking more frequently and honestly it was like I had gotten my best friend back. I think I will always love him, but I can handle him just being in my life as my friend. Plus my boyfriend is great.. when he calls. 

Its been about 2 weeks of Grayson and I talking again when he calls me.

"Hey!" He said with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Hi!" I replied.

"What are you doing today?"

I laid down on my bed. "Hmm, probably nothing, why?"

"I am coming to get you." I raised up so fast that it made me dizzy.

"You're what?" I exclaimed.

"Break up with your boyfriend. I am coming to get you." he seemed to have gotten his confidence back. -click-

He hung up before I even had time to reply. I walked into the living room where my mom and grandmother were.

"I-uh- I think Grayson is coming to get me."  I stated still confused as to what just happened.

"What?!" mom exclaimed.

"I don't know. He said he was. Can I go?" I asked, actually not knowing what I wanted her to say.

"You're old enough to make some of your own decisions. You can go if you want to, but please remember what he done to you." Mom replied. Grayson was a sore spot with her because she seen first hand what losing him did to me. I called my boyfriend who was still with his family. I hadn't heard from him in a few days. It was a short conversation. Honestly, I think he was going to break up with me when he got back. 

About 30 minutes later, Grayson pulled into my driveway in his baby blue porsche. Damn. That is a beautiful car. 

"Mom! He's here!" I yelled as I ran out the door.

The car ride to his house was silent aside from the Kid Cudi blaring. When we got to his house I was greeted by his family and we went to his room. I sat down on his bed, and he sat in his gaming chair. We spent the evening talking about random stuff and laughing..until

"I still love you" He whispered. I had still been laughing so I didn't know if I had heard him correctly.

"What?" I asked.

"I still love you." he said more confidently. 

That's all for Part 3. Please let me know what you think!

Part 1 Part2

[ververa]

“You are enough”

CHAPTER 7 (part 2)

And so the ceremony started. Ellie didn't leave her girlfriend even for a while – until a few of her aunts interfere. They claimed that since Ronnie is the youngest she would make a great job taking care of kids for a while when they will be chatting. The girl agreed and left them smiling at her girlfriend – who promised to join her soon. Little did Ellie know that the things were about spinning out of control.

Ronnie had never really liked spending time with children and there she was. Kind of trapped in the huge garden with a group of shouting little kids. At the very beginning everything was fine – they were enjoying themselves – doing the kids' things – and she was just watching, so that none of them can get hurt.

At the same time Ellie got stuck with the other women from the family. They were all mothers already and so they soon began to talk about having a family.

"So, Ellie" started one of them "Do you plan on getting married or something or is it just a kind of casual acquaintance?"

"She's my fiancee. And to be honest it was never just a casual acquaintance"

"Fiancee?"

"Yes. I proposed and she said yes" she smiled

"Oh my god! Really?" one of them exclaimed

"How long have you been together?" the other one asked

"Almost 2 years"

"And how did you two meet?"

"Well, she used to be my patient for a while"

"Wait. My child is being taken care of by a nut?" asked Lena

"And are going to have kids?" asked the other one at the same time

Ellie was confused

"I- Don't call her that! She's not a nut!"

Lena rolled her eyes at how protectively Ellie acted

"We... We talked about it, but we didn't decide yet"

"You should consider it. She's young and healthy. She can carry the baby. For now, but how long it will be like that?" Lena said as if she were an expert

"I'm not going to push her into anything. She doesn't like it"

"Sometimes you need to take the control over. Kind of put her in her place"

"I beg you pardon? What do you mean by this actually?"

Ronnie began to wonder what takes Ellie so long and why she still needs to look after the kids. She tried not to pay too much attention to how bratty they began to act, until one of them - a boy named Archie kicked the ball to the swimming pool.

"Fuck!" he yelled

"Watch your language" she reprimanded

The boy looked at her

"That's not what you told aunt Ellie when she was yelling fuck in the morning"

Ronnie stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds

"Aunt Ellie is a grown woman. She's allowed to use such words in particular situations"

"My mom never yells fuck"

"Well, maybe she doesn't have such situations with your dad"

"Like what do you mean?"

"Nothing. You'll find out when you're older"

"I want to know now"

"Archie, you're too little... We can talk about it when you're older. For now just go back and play with the rest"

"I won't until you tell me"

"I already said I won't. I don't like to repeat myself, so just do one!"

"I'll tell my mom!"

"Tell her what?"

"That you're not nice to me"

"I'm nice. Trust me, I can be worst than that"

"I want my ball back. Give it to me!"

"I'm not your servant. Ask me nicely and I'll think about it"

"Fuck you"

"Hey! Little..." she was about cursing, but bit her tongue "You'd better go back and play with the rest"

Archie huffed and ran towards the other boy who was holding his own ball. The boy tried to whip it off from him and when the other kid didn't let him, Archie jerked him with such force he fell down.

"Hey! Stop it!"

"Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mom!"

That was enough. Ronnie wasn't able to control herself any more

"You're lucky I'm not your mother. If I were you wouldn't even dare to act like a little arsehole you are!" she snapped at him

Archie looked at her. He already knew he won't get what he wanted with Ronnie, so he began to cry "Mommy!!!"

"Fuck..." she mumbled to herself seeing Lena walking towards them

"What happened sweetheart?"

"Ronnie is rude!"

"No! I just..."

"She didn't want to help me with pulling my ball out of water. And she said I'm stupid and called me an arsehole" he cried

"How dare you use such words with kids?! And how could you insult my son like that?! He's only a child!" "I did not! Oh my god... This is crazy"

"Crazy?! You're the one crazy thing here! I hope you won't have children, cause you will be a terrible mother!"

And suddenly there was a complete silence. Everyone was looking at them and waiting what will happen next. Ronnie got a load of all of them. They were staring at her as if she had killed someone. Her eyes met Ellie's – who just appeared at the backyard. She seemed to be furious and the girl freaked out. Ronnie walked into the house as soon as possible trying to hold her tears back.

"Are you satisfied?!" Ellie snapped at Lena "She did nothing to you and you little fucked up son. It's him! He always gets on everyone's nerves, but you don't see it. Or just pretend you don't. And you're the one who's a terrible mother! You not only can't reign over a 6 year old kid but also cannot control yourself! You're the one fucked up here!" and with this Ellie hurried to the house to find her girlfriend

_______________________-

"Ronney?" she knocked to the bathroom's door and would open them if the girl hadn't locked them from inside "Baby, open the door"

"Leave me alone!" she sniffled

"You know I won't" she sighed "Please, honey bun. Open. I want to see you"

"You saw enough"

"Ronney... She's a bitch and he is a spoiled brat"

Ellie didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say, so as not to make the things even worst

"It wasn't my fault" she cried

"I know, baby"

"I didn't mean to... He was just..."

"I know. Open the door, Ronnie"

"She's right. I will be a terrible mother" she cried

"What? No! Ronnie, no. You won't. She's the one terrible here. Come on, open. I want to hug you"

"No. Ellie, please, just go away"

"I won't. I'm going to sit right here and wait until you open"

There was a long silence – no words were spoken and only some sniffles could be heard. Ronnie wanted to open. She wanted Ellie to hold her close, but was also afraid. She was sure Ellie thought the same as her aunts. She was terrified that she won't look at her the same way as she used to. That she would see a heartless woman not good enough to be a mother. Maybe not even wanting to be.

"Ronney? You don't have to open. Just... talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you, so I can fix it"

The girl took a deep breath

"I-I... What if..." she cried again; fresh tears streaming down her cheeks destroying her make up completely "She's right. I won't be a good mother. Not after all that happened. And I-I... Don't want to any more..."

"She is not. And she didn't have the right to judge you. She knows nothing. She doesn't know you the way I do. She doesn't know how carring and loving you are. She doesn't know how creative and talented you are. She doesn't know anything. And I think that if you will ever have a baby... that little creature will have the best mom ever. And he or she will be the luckiest kid in the world just like I'm the luckiest woman – having you"

And the sniffles stopped. Instead of them Ellie heard a click of the lock and then there was Ronnie – standing in the door. Her eyes were red and puffy and her makeup was smeared. She looked like a mess, but Ellie didn't care. She didn't pay attention to all of this. She only saw her precious girl.

"You aren’t mad at me?" she asked with shaking voice as Ellie approached her

"Why would I be?"

"I... I thought you think the same. And you don't want me any more, because I'm not good enough to... have kids"

"How could I ever think something like that?"

"I looked at you... And you were so furious. I could see it in your eyes"

"I was. I was furious, but not with you" she moved her hand towards the girl afraid that if she would do something more Ronnie may run away "Come here"

And she did. The girl let her girlfriend pull her closer and held her – still trembling – body.

"Shhh. It's okay. You're good" she said caressing the girl's back and hair in a soothing way "Shhh. Baby girl. There's no need to cry"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for" she kissed her wet cheek

"I must look terrible right now"

"No... You look cute. Like a little panda" she chuckled

Ronnie smiled

"Here you are. That's my girl" she pecked her lips gently "Come on, let's get you cleaned and let's go back to the party. No bitch is going to spoil our fun tonight"

Ronnie nodded.

__________________

When they came back to the rest of the guests, Ellie didn't leave her until the end of the party. She was holding her close placing a soft and soothing kisses to the girl's forehead from time to time. She let her sit on her lap as they were watching how Ellie's cousin and his new wife were dancing together.

"She looks beautiful in those dress" Ronnie stated

"You will look way better in yours"

The girl looked at Ellie.

"What?" the older woman asked

"Nothing. Just... I love you"

"Oh, I love you too, princess"

"Do you think we can dance?"

"I..." she wanted to say that she doesn't dance, but those beautiful pleading eyes made here weak

"I mean, I know you don't dance. But I..."

"It will be my pleasure"

Ronnie smiled happily as she put her hands on the woman's hips.

"Just like I taught you. Move your hips" she instructed helping her to catch the rhythm

Luckily for Ellie it was one of the slow songs, so swaying was just enough – especially that Ronnie seemed to be exhausted.

They were dancing for a while, before Ronnie spoke up

"Ellie?"

The older woman hummed in response

"I think... I don't want to have kids"

"Ronney, she..."

"It's not because of her. I just don't want them now. Maybe in the future... But now I only want you"

And Ellie couldn't help, but hugged her tight

“I hate to interrupt” Robin and Stephanie stopped next to them “May I have this dance?” she offerend his daughter a hand

“I-” Ellie hesitated not wanting to leave her girlfriend

“Go” Ronnie smiled

“You sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, I won’t fight again”

“I’ll take care of her” Stephanie stated smiling friendly

Ellie looked at the woman, but say nothing. She seemed to get nervous around her. Ronnie knew about Ellie’s mother accident. The woman told her how she died and so on, but she never liked talking about her stepmother.

“How are you?” asked Stephanie as they were approaching the table

“I… I’m okay”

“I heard what has happened”

“Everyone did, probably”

“Don’t worry about it. Lena is just… herself. It’s hard to understand sometimes and she definitely doesn’t understand the women, who don’t want to have kids. For her only this matters”

“It’s not like I don’t want to have kids. Or maybe… I just don’t know any more”

“It’s okay not to want kids”

“You know… I think that maybe I want them, but I don’t feel like being pregnant. I had some eating disorders, you know. And I don’t think I can do this. I mean the woman’s body changes during and after the pregnancy… But I’m afraid to talk about it with Ellie. I don’t know why I’m telling it you. I barely know you”

“Well, sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger. And what’s you mother’s opinion? She definitely knows you better, so maybe she can help…”

“Actually, I don’t talk with her at all. She’s one of those toxic mothers, you know. So, it’s like I don’t have family at all” she smiled sadly

“Oh, I’m sorry”

At the same time, Ellie was dancing and talking with her father.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you… That you met someone”

“Dad… I just didn’t feel like…” she hesitated

“Visiting us? Calling?”

“I was busy”

“I bet you were. Look, I know you’re working a lot, but it would be nice to see you or at least hear your voice. I and Stephie”

Ellie rolled her eyes at the woman’s name

“We would like you to visit us tomorrow. We can have a dinner together or whatever you want”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. Ronnie is already at the edge. One more incident and it may be too much”

“We’re inviting only the two of you and Michael and Amy. No Lena there”

“I-”

“I ask you for two hours only. Do you think you can give me at least a little bit of your precious time?”

“I’ll talk about it with Ronnie” she stopped moving “I should look for her” she smiled and left Robin there

The girl was still sitting with Stephanie. They talked a little bit more about work and life in general. Ronnie smiled seeing the psychiatrist approaching them.

“I’m tired. Shall we go to our room?” Ellie asked not looking in Stephanie's direction

“Of course” she stood up “Thanks for the talk. It was really nice”

“You’re welcome” the older woman smiled

_______________________

It was bothering Ellie since they came back to the room. What were they talking about? Ronnie seemed to enjoy the conversation and in general the presence of her stepmother.

“What were you chatting about?” she asked finally

“About various things. Work – she said she would like to see my paintings” she said excitedly

“Great” she said without enthusiasm

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing”

Ronnie arched her eyebrow questioningly

“You like her, don’t you?”

“She’s nice…” the girl shrugged “Why shouldn’t I like her?”

Ellie looked at the girl

“She’s my stepmother!”

“So what? She didn’t do anything wrong, did she?”

“She took my mother’s place!”

“Well…” she thought for a while “Maybe you should appreciate it. Just be happy that you have someone like Stephanie, who wants to act like your mom”

“I didn’t ask her to act like that. I didn’t want her to. I never did!”

It was hard for Ronnie to talk about such topics, so she got riled up quiet easily

“You, at least, have a good mother figure. You should respect it instead of making problems out of nothing!”

“So, I’m the bad one now?!”

“I didn’t say that” she sat on the bed “I just… I’ll do anything to have someone like Stephanie. Even if she would be my stepmom. Maybe it’s high time you appreciated it?!”

“Well, maybe you still need someone who will replace your mother, but I don’t! I’m capable of being on my own”

Ellie’s eyes widened with terror, as she realized what she just said. Ronnie said nothing. She only stood up before the woman could grab her hand

“Ronney… I-”

“I’ll take a walk” she said walking towards the door

“Baby?” she wanted to go after her

“Don’t! It’s enough for today. I need some fresh air”

“Ronnie I didn’t mean...”

The girl shook her head leaving the room.

Ronnie didn’t know where to go, so she simply went to the terrace. She smoked 2 cigarettes, before Stephanie appeared.

“What are you doing here? I thought you’re with Ellie in your room”

“Well” she shrugged “We argued”

“What happened?” she came closer

Ronnie looked at her. She barely managed to hold her tears back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s not my business probably”

“No. It’s okay”

Stephanie smiled friendly

“I’ll bring you a blanket, so we can sit here and talk. If you want of course” the older woman said

Ronnie nodded. And after a while Stephanie was back with a fluffy material.

“Here you are, sweetheart”

“Thank you”

Stephanie only smiled making her way to the chairs and pointing at the girl to sit down too.

“Ellie is… an incredible person, but it’s hard to get to her sometimes”

“Yeah. It is” she agreed

“She acts like she doesn’t care, but she does”

“Yes, I know. You see, I tried to get to her many times. I wanted… I don’t know. Just I treat her as if she were my own child, even though I know she hates me for some reason…”

“She thinks you wanted to  replace her mother”

“I… I did not. I have never wanted it. I knew I won’t be able to replace Amanda – I’m nothing like her. But I  hoped that maybe we could at least befriend. You know, it’s good to have someone…”

“Yes. I know, but she doesn’t understand how it is when you have to be on your own for the whole time. And she probably thinks it’s stupid that I want such person…” she wiped her cheek, as she could feel the tears escaping her eyes

“She doesn’t. She loves you”

“But she said so”

“What? What do you mean?” she offered her hand to the girl and Ronnie gladly took it

“That I’m not capable of being on my own. That I cannot take care of myself and so on… But you know, I’m just tired of it. I had to do this for my whole life. I love her. I really do, but it hurt”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She was probably nervous and wasn’t thinking about what she’s saying”

“Yeah… It is probably too much for the one night. First, Lena almost called me a monster and said I will never be a good mother and now Ellie”

“I don’t know you good enough, but I’m sure you’ll be a great mother one day. You’re caring and full of love that you’re eager to give to someone”

“But I don’t know if I want it”

“You’re young. You have a lot of time to think about it. And if you won’t want to carry the baby, you can always think about adoption. Ellie has never wanted to talk to me, so I’m not experienced when it comes to such conversations. But it’s okay to not being sure about something. It’s okay to have doubts. We’re all only humans – we all make mistakes”

As the door shut Ellie broke down. She was devastated – not only because of a painful memories, but because she hurt the most important person in her life. She did it in the worst of possible ways and couldn’t get over it. She cried for some time and when the tears didn’t want to fall any more she was just laying in bed. She was thinking. Recalling everything that Ronnie said. Maybe she was right. She definitely was – of course. Ronnie was younger, but was probably one of the most intelligent people Ellie knew. The woman sometimes wondered how it could be – that she knows so much. That she knows what to say, how to act in certain situations – when even she – the great psychiatrist didn’t.

She began to think of Stephanie – how she was always there for her, but she was too stubborn to appreciate it. It hit her all at once and she felt terrible.

She was brought back from her thoughts by a light knock to the door. Ellie stood up slowly and opened. It was Stephanie

“Hi” the older woman smiled “I just want to tell you that Ronnie fell asleep on the couch. So, don’t worry about her. She’s… well, hurt, but safe” she smiled and wanted to leave

“Wait” Ellie stopped her

“What is it?”

“Thank you”

“Not for what” she smiled “But you should apologise to her – whatever happen. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. Just apologise and tell her you love her. She deserves it”

Ellie moved to the woman and surprised her with a hug

“Thank you for everything” she said

Stephanie didn’t know how to act at first, but soon she hugged her back.

“I’m sorry” Ellie sobbed

“Shhh. Don’t cry. It’s okay”

“D-do you think I can go to her now?”

“I think you can”

“Thanks” she pulled away wiping her tears and chuckling a bit embarrassed with the whole situation

_______________

“Hey” Ellie whispered kneeling in front of the sleeping girl

Ronnie opened her eyes slowly

“I…” she wanted to say something

“No, no. It’s my fault. You were right about everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. It didn’t come out properly. I know you are able to be on your own, but you don’t have to. I don’t want you to. I want you to rely on me, always. No matter what happens. I love you.”

“I love you too”

At this Ellie kissed her.

“Will you come back to bed with me? I cannot sleep without you by my side”

“I will” she hugged her

The psychiatrist smiled and lifted her almost effortlessly. Ellie carried her to their room and made sure the girl slept as close as possible to her that night.  

[tb5-heavenward]

Harvard!Christmas - 3

Part 1 // Part 2 //

I hope you didn’t expect this to stay cute and cheerful. this is harvard, fam. i have a reputation to consider.

It's not the kitten who wakes him in the morning, but the pounding of a fist against his front door.

It's an unpleasant thing to wake up to, because it doesn't register immediately as what's woken him, and for the first few moments he doesn't connect the sound to its source. There's just a loud pounding noise and he has no idea what it is---until he does. John sits bolt upright and then scrambles out of bed, stumbling down the hallway from his bedroom and to the front door of the apartment, where he fumbles to unlock the door, without stopping to check who's there.

And he opens the door to find the building manager, yet again, only this time all the cordiality has disappeared from his manner, and his expression is taut and tense with disapproval. John's first thought is that somehow (probably owing to the few pounds of sand he'd stolen for a makeshift litterbox) the contraband kitten has been discovered, and he's being evicted, but instead the manager just holds out his phone. There's no "merry Christmas" this time, nor even a "good morning". The man's voice is flat with exaggerated patience as he says, "Your father's on the line. Apparently you haven't been picking up your phone."

The irritation of the man standing in front of him is paltry compared to the towering disapproval of the man on the other end of the line. John's only about a minute out of bed, and he's as disheveled as he ever is, still bleary-eyed from sleep and with his hair tousled and his pajamas rumpled, and in any other situation he'd be embarrassed to be caught like this in front of a semi-stranger---but the capacity for any emotion more complex than sheer horror has vanished. When the building manager gestures insistently with his phone, John's reaction is automatic and he takes it---but there's a wild moment of panic in which he wants nothing more than to throw it down the hallway, slam the door and bolt it, and then walk briskly across his apartment and straight off his fourth story balcony.

Instead he holds it up and hears the disconnected faintness of his own voice as he says, "Hello?"

"John. We've been worried about you."

Just the sound of his father's voice---separate entirely from his tone and what he's said---is enough to make John want to fall through the floor. He feels like some part of himself has detached and departed, because he can hear himself answer, but can't comprehend how he's able to say anything at all, "---I'm sorry. I-I got home really late, I just wanted to go to bed. I just---I forgot to turn my phone back on."

"This kind of irresponsibility is something I count on you not to demonstrate, John."

"I'm sorry. Dad, I---"

"When you called me yesterday, I didn't form the impression that I was the only person who'd been told you were heading back to Boston. No one else knew where you'd gone. You'd been missing for hours with no word to your brothers, to my mother---by the time I got home, they were getting ready to start calling hospitals. And no further word from you until now? Because I contacted your landlord, on Christmas morning?"

John feels himself cringe, and distantly notices the way that the building manager is staring at him, watching the half of the conversation that he's privy to. He should probably be at least vaguely horrified by this, but he can't even bring himself to properly register the man's continued presence. All that matters is his father's voice on the line, his expectant silence as he waits for an explanation. There's no point in trying to justify himself, all he can do is stammer out another useless apology, "I'm sorry."

This isn't what his father wants. "I'm not especially interested in your apology, John. But later today you will be calling your grandmother, to tell her how sorry you are for frightening her, and your little brother, who held out hope that you would be back by Christmas morning. I don't know when I've ever been so disappointed in your behaviour. I expect much, much better from you."

That's always been true, and John's always known that it's true, but hearing it stated when he knows he's failed to meet that expectation makes him want to die. "Yes, sir."

"Apologize to your building manager for the trouble you've put him to on Christmas Day. Charge your phone. I'd better hear that you've spoken to your brothers and your grandmother before the end of today. Goodbye."

It's abrupt, but maybe that's merciful, really. John plummets back into the present and manages not to break down in the hallway in front of his building manager. He hands the man's phone back, uncomfortably conscious of the way he's being looked at, the way the man's irritation has melted into something like pity. "I'm very sorry for the intrusion," John says, and can't even manage to wish that he sounded sincere, instead of just hollow and perfunctory, as though he's only apologizing because he's been told to. He wonders if the other half of the conversation had been audible at all, in the way that phone conversations sometimes are. He hopes not.

"Honest mistake," the manager says quickly, and then briefly, impulsively, pats John's shoulder. "Glad there was nothing wrong. I think it's just that you gave your family a bit of a scare, is all. But it all worked out. Merry Christmas."

"Same to you," John answers numbly, and then closes the door.

His phone waits where he left it, in the pocket of his discarded coat, over by the radiator.

[19 missed calls]

Scott

[24/12/2055 06:38:02 Scott: hey jaybird, where'd you go?]

[24/12/2055 06:38:41 Scott: al says you probably went to cool off some place, you maybe wanna let me know where?]

[24/12/2055 07:02:20 Scott: virgil's dealing with gordon]

[24/12/2055 07:05:13 Scott: I'm sorry about gordon, he wasn't supposed to fly out on his own. he was supposed to show up with dad to keep him in line.]

[24/12/2055 08:12:29 Scott: look i know you're mad but don't do this shit johnny, it's christmas]

[24/12/2055 08:41:48 Scott: John seriously. Pick up your phone.]

[24/12/2055 09:30:58 Scott: Dad is gonna be landing at the airport in an hour John, I do not want to tell him that we can't fucking find you.]

[24/12/2055 09:35:17 Scott: if you've crashed your stupid rental car into a ditch on some stupid backroad john I'm personally gonna haul you out and kick your ass the whole way back home]

[24/12/2055 09:36:11 Scott: I didn't mean that. Sorry. Please just pick your phone up.]

[24/12/2055 09:59:01 Scott: okay well we're gonna start calling the hospitals/highway patrol/the fucking cops in a minute here john, so if you're just being an ass now would be a real good time to fucking quit it]

[24/12/2055 10:25:31 Scott: okay. talked to dad. he's furious, by the way. so that's fun. thanks for that. sometimes I literally just cannot fucking believe you. merry goddamn christmas, John.]

Virgil

[24/12/2055 06:20:52 Virgil: okay, i'm really really sorry about Gordon. he was supposed to fly in with dad. I'm not going to make any excuses. He's way out of line.]

[24/12/2055 06:21:04 Virgil: if you've gone for a drive because you need some time to cool off that's fine, but don't do anything stupid like turn your phone off, okay?]

[24/12/2055 06:21:43 Virgil: like I know you do that when you're pissed and you have every right to be pissed but we live in the middle of nowhere and the roads aren't great out here and everybody would feel better if you kept your phone on.]

[24/12/2055 06:34:49 Virgil: also please text me back.]

[24/12/2055 07:46:18 Virgil: John, you've been gone for an hour and a half and nobody knows where. Grandma's really worried.]

[24/12/2055 07:46:31 Virgil: if you make my Grandma cry on Christmas Eve, J, then you and me are gonna have a problem]

[24/12/2055 08:50:18 Virgil: look john, if you're reading these, then at least acll Alan, he's freaking out. you're actually scaring the shit out of him. the poor kid pretty much worships you and you go and pull something like this. at christmas. come the fuck on johnny.]

[24/12/2055 09:15:27 Virgil: okay. your phone is off.]

[24/12/2055 09:42:53 Virgil: I mean at this point I think Scott's actually hoping that you're upside down in a ditch somewhere because if you're ignoring texts and calls like this, he's legitimately gonna kick your ass until you die.]

[24/12/2055 10:01:45 Virgil: we've gotta call dad. like, this is the warning. i think we've been kinda covering for you in case this is just a stupid tantrum, but it's been three hours now john. please just answer somebody.]

[24/12/2055 10:02:04 Virgil: if something's happened to you then we need to start doing something, and dad literally has enough pull to have the entire county searched from orbit.]

[24/12/2055 10:02:24 Virgil: I don't know if you realize how scary this actually is.]

[24/12/2055 10:45:08 Virgil: Okay. so, you've just left the fucking state. you're not dead. when dad gets ahold of you you're maybe gonna wish you were. but i guess I'm trying to be glad you're okay.

[24/12/2055 11:21:38 Virgil: all right well whenever you get this. Probably when you get back to Boston. I don't know what to tell you, other than that I can't actually decide if I'm madder at you or at gordon. you've both been total fucking jackasses and this shit can't continue. you're as bad as each other. I don't think we've had a christmas this bad since Mom died.]

[24/12/2055 11:22:01 Virgil: maybe think about that.]

Alan

[24/12/2055 06:44:19 Alan: gordon's super drunk and he's being really really dumb. virg and scotty are gonna cover for him but they shouldn't. i totally don't blame you for leaving. i wish i could leave too.]

[24/12/2055 07:01:36 Alan: when you come back we should go hang out in the barn. one of the barn cats had kittens over the summer and they're all still around]

[24/12/2055 07:01:44 Alan: they're cute]

[24/12/2055 07:28:53 Alan: scotty took the truck to go look for you, but i think that's probably kind of stupid. it's dark and the roads are pretty bad.]

[24/12/2055 08:02:14 Alan: virgil put gordon to bed and told me to tell dad he has food poisoning. stupid gordon.]

[24/12/2055 08:21:45 Alan: I think grandma's kind of upset.]

[24/12/2055 09:07:19 Alan: did you see the geminids this year? it was too cloudy here, but i checked the weather near Boston and it was supposed to be clear]

[24/12/2055 09:12:32 Alan: i guess it's hard to get out to anywhere with dark enough skies if you don't have a car]

[24/12/2055 09:33:41 Alan: do you miss driving? i'm excited to learn. Grandma let's me back the truck out sometimes. virg said he'd teach me when I'm old enough.]

[24/12/2055 10:01:27 Alan: are you gonna be home soon? everybody's kind of worried.]

[24/12/2055 10:40:49 Alan: dad says you had to go back to Boston for school stuff. I guess it was important.]

[25/12/2055 12:01:02 Alan: merry christmas, johnny]

John turns his phone off again.