#i think i'll probably keep adding to this whenever another song hits me in the midgelenny feels

[lovepollution]

We Were a Fire: A MidgeLenny playlist

[robinofgothamcity]

scenario: you start seeing Jon which leads to the two of you having to hide it from your family and especially Damian.

pairing: jon kent ( superboy ) x fem! reader

note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / can you tell my kent family hyperfixation hasn't left yet? i swear it's becoming an issue lmaooo but this might actually be the longest fic i've written for this blog.

you talked with your friends who you had snuck into the gala with. Rachel had begrudgingly agreed to come to meanwhile Cass and Steph were the only other ones who agreed to come on their own accord.

"Damian, your only friend is here," Dick said, earning a kick from his younger brother before getting up and leaving you and Raven alone. you knew it was a rare occasion that she even decided to show up so you didn't want to leave her alone. "we probably won't see my brother for the rest of the night. whenever his friend comes, it's like everyone becomes a background character. for him being my adopted 'twin' brother, I have yet to meet this friend."

Raven laughed as you saw the wine that the couple on the dance left on your table drunkenly. the bottle was little more than half-filled and you gave one quick look to Raven before pouring the wine into both of your glasses and discarding it right away.

"to not having fun for the rest of the night," you giggled as the two of you chugged the wine down in a mere few seconds, "drier than I thought it would be but it beats having to pay for it," Raven muttered as you agreed to sneak another bottle from the bartender so you wouldn't have to pay for it. even with your dad paying for all your necessities, the drinks at his galas were far too expensive for you to even willingly pay for them yourself. the only reason why he even paid for all your expenses was because you agreed to skip out on college to help run some parts of Wayne Enterprises with your brother.

another reason why you couldn't exactly go and pay for it yourself was because Bruce was not one to exactly be chippy at the idea of you getting plastered drunk at one of his public galas. "I got one of two ideas. one: I'll go flirt with the bartender and you can sneak behind him and get the other bottle or two: I can flirt with the bartender for enough time to see if he'll just willingly give it to us," you told Raven as she nodded with option two.

the bartender happened to be in his younger 50s. you recognized him from previous WE events and although he was familiar with your family, you doubted that he would say anything to your dad about you flirting him with. all you had to do was push the top of the dress down a bit and hike up the bottom to get his attention.

"hey Martin," you said, leaning up against the bar table and smiling, "enjoying the night?" you asked as you saw him flinch back in surprise. he nodded, trying to divert his eyes from looking at you in anyway you could have felt to be disrespectful.

"I was thinking, how much does the bottle of Lafite Rothschild go for?" you asked, giving him a pouty face. he gulped nervously, "almost ten grand ma'am," he replied, grabbing it from the wine stand, "even for me? I mean, my dad must've paid for it so does it even go for that much considering I am his child?" he asked.

you could tell that you had caught him in a predicament, "I would assume not, I assume you're twenty one, right?" he murmured, handing you the precious bottle. you smiled (a fake one that anyone could see through) and nodded before giving the old man a light kiss on the cheek, "thanks Martin, I appreciate it," you said, giving him a wave before leaving.

Raven perked up seeing the bottle in your hand, "snagged a ten thousand dollar bottle," you said excitedly as you waved it in your hand. Raven stared at you in shock, "you got a ten thousand dollar bottle in less than five minutes?" she exclaimed.

you giggled before whispering in her ear, "the benefits of being a child of Bruce Wayne is that you can practically get away with anything. especially when you're the daughter." you popped open the bottle as you handed her the wine glass and poured the drink with care. you gave her a slight cheers before taking a small sip and being pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as dry for a wine with a huge amount of alcohol percentage.

as the night progressed, you and Raven got actively more drunk. you hadn't realized how hard the wine had hit you until Raven was drunkenly getting pulled home by Gar as you sat at the table with a little less than the bottle still full. you hadn't seen your dad or brother all night and you figured they must've been pulled into doing Batfamily work at some point and left you alone with Steph or Cass. hell, maybe even Dick if he was still around.

you weren't actively apart of the vigilante work all of your siblings did but you did help them out with the technical parts of it when Tim wasn't available. you didn't really like fighting or risking your life so after you graduated, you interned at Wayne Enterprises under Tim's orders while Damian worked under your dad.

at the age of twenty-one, you still hadn't met most of the league for the exception of Wonder Woman and The Flash. the rest were strangers in your head and much to Damian's luck, he wanted to keep it that way. at least in his case with Jon.

"ow, I am so sorry," you slurred as you managed to hit someone on the shoulder. he chuckled seeing as how you were not attempting to get up, "you okay there ma'am?" the man with a southern accent asked. you giggled as you attempted to get up, "I'm ( your name ) and you are?" you asked.

"Jon Kent, pleasure to meet you," he said, kissing your hand. you blushed as you heard one of your favorite songs come through the speakers, "would you like to dance?" you asked, not even caring that you had met this just a few mere seconds ago. he nodded, figuring that since Damian left him stranded at the gala, he had nothing to lose.

the song 'telepatia' by Kali Uchis played throughout the ballroom. Jon immediately took the reigns as the lead as the lights got dimmer and you danced against Jon sensually. "what got you dragged here?" you asked Jon. "my best friend invited me as his plus one. you?" he whispered in your ear, "I work for the company so I kind of had to attend," you managed to say before turning around and facing him.

you looked at Jon with drunken yet loving eyes, "you're handsome, you know that?" you said with no hesitation in your face. Jon laughed, placing his hand on your cheek, "right back at ya, darlin'," he replied as the song switched to another one of your favorite songs.

side to side by ariana grande started.

you shrugged, feeling as though you had nothing to lose and got up on your toes gave Jon a kiss on his lips. he was slightly taken back but played it off by returning it. the two of you remained kissing through the entirety of the song until Jon felt a familiar tap on his shoulder.

"I gotta go but if you're up for it, I'd love for ya to give me your number," you nodded excitedly as you practically snatched his phone from his hand and typed it in as quickly as possible with your name having a hundred emoji's next to it, "text me in the morning!" you screamed.

Jon laughed before following Damian from behind, "you suck, you know that!" Jon exclaimed, "I meet one girl I actually like and you drag me away!" Damian rolled his eyes, "please, you act like there isn't more girls out there to hit on." this time, it was Jon's turn to roll his eyes, "I got her number so I guess that's a plus."

you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache but to a few messages on your phone. you smiled realizing that it was the boy you had met the night before.

"good morning...or actually good afternoon!"

Jon laughed from his side of the phone.

"good afternoon darlin'. I hope you had a good sleep."

you were texting your way down the stairs, greeting Alfred and Bruce before grabbing a plate of lunch and sitting down on the bar top. "what time you'd make it home?" Bruce asked, sensing the hangover you had. "a bit past midnight. drank a bottle of Lafite with Raven before dancing with a boy you invited," you said honestly.

Bruce felt himself go stiff at the admittance of you drinking the Lafite bottle but remained silent as Alfred placed Advil and one of your Gatorades next to you. "yeah, whoever must've danced with you last night must've been drunk too because you'd want to dance with you?" Damian said coming down the stairs.

you threw him a fork, Damian dodging it with ease, "I'd shut up if I were you. I'm actually getting coffee with the guy in like an hour," you replied, chugging down the rest of the food before getting up and going to your room, "yeah and I pray for the man who now has to deal with you," Damian screamed loud enough for you to hear.

you pulled on a skirt and tights before slipping on a sweater and fixing your hair and quickly doing your makeup. you grabbed the keys from your bag and took the back entrance to get to your car. one of the benefits of getting paid so much was that you were able to afford cars that were out of price range for a lot of people your age.

the coffee shop you decided to meet Jon at was a few blocks into the heart of central Gotham. you got a table farthest from the crowd as you didn't want any attention on you and your potential boyfriend. you saw Jon approaching at the front of the coffee shop and pulled on your sunglasses so no one outside could see who you were.

"nice to meet you, this time with me not being drunk," you told Jon, giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek, "pleasure is all mine sweetheart," he replied, putting his arm around your shoulder. you got up to the front of cashier and scanned the menu.

"I'd like a venti mocha with oatmilk, what about you?" you asked Jon as he scanned the menu nervously before muttering that he hardly orders coffee. you smiled, "and an order of a grande peppermint hot chocolate," you added on as you took your card out, Jon's eyes widening at the black American Express card.

"wow, Wayne Enterprises must pay you really well," he exasperated, "yeah, I guess you could say that," you said as hesitantly as possible. after the two of you got the coffees, you got back to the table as you took off your sunglasses in a sigh of relief.

"do you really wear sunglasses everywhere you go?" Jon asked. you debated on telling him the actual reason but decided on a vague answer, "eh, it's more for secrecy. I guess if I get another date, I might tell you the real reason," you winked, making Jon blush.

+

through the weeks, you decided to keep the biggest part of your life a semi secret to Jon still. he knew vaguely of a few things but one mistake on your end managed to throw all of that away in more ways than one.

you were walking downtown with Jon, his hand grasping yours as the two of you roamed an area of town that you knew didn't have major significance to WE. you were holding a coffee in one hand as you walked about a few things that happened to you that week to Jon. it wasn't until you walked towards a busy street that your heart fell to your stomach.

a huge billboard, like signs you would see on highways, of you and Damian representing Wayne Enterprises stood in the middle of an intersection. you stared at the ground, your one secret given away as Jon stared down at you, a look of shock in his eyes.

"wait, you work with Damian Wayne?" he asked as he could tell that you did not want to look at him. you sighed, a bit scared, "work partners might be a little too far from what we are," you gulped, finally realizing that you had to admit to your family ties.

Jon looked at you, now more confused than shocked.

what you didn't know was that at the same time that you were about to confess everything to Jon, a paparazzi had taken dozens of photos of you and Jon that were immediately uploaded to various Twitter accounts and gossip magazines.

"Damian Wayne is my adopted brother. Bruce Wayne is my adopted dad. that's why I have a lot more money than any regular Wayne Enterprise worker."

Jon immediately stumbled to the ground, not expecting that answer coming from you. you immediately felt tears hitting your eyes as you figured that maybe Jon didn't want to be with someone so rich and famous. someone's whose family was always in the spotlight.

"DAMIAN WAYNE IS YOUR BROTHER?" Jon screamed, catching you off guard as this was the first time Jon had ever screamed at you. you nodded, trying not to look at him in the eyes, "he's going to kill me. your entire family is going to plot my murder. I'm a dead man. Clark is going to find me in a ditch," Jon started talking to himself.

it was now your turn to look at Jon confused, "wait, what?" you asked, wiping your tears. "YOUR BROTHER IS MY BEST FRIEND. Damian Wayne is Robin and I'm Superboy!" he whispered the last part, "I've been dating my best friends sister this entire time without realizing it!" he screamed.

you finally connected the dots. every time Damian said he was going on patrol with Superboy meant that he was going to hang out with Jon and every time Damian said that Jon turned down a patrol session usually meant that you were going on a date with him. both of you stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

"small world, eh?" you asked, trying to defuse the tension, "guess we better figure out a way to tell them, huh?" Jon replied as you both heard your phone going off with texts and calls. you opened it to see that Dick, Bruce, Tim, and even Jason and Alfred were frantically calling you.

"hello, what happened?" you asked, picking up Dick's call. "GET HOME NOW!" he yelled through the phone as you heard Damian's screeching voice from the other side, "why? what happened?" you asked, staring at Jon now in fear.

"SHE'S DATING JON? I'M GOING TO KILL HIM BEFORE I KILL HER!" you heard Damian scream before something broke, "pictures of you kissing Jon came to the public on Twitter and he saw them," Jason said, half annoyed.

both of your hearts fell to your stomach as you realized it was now or never. everyone knew of your relationship and it wasn't even something both of you tried to do intentionally. you grabbed Jon's hand, yours shaking in fear as you got into the passenger side of his beat up red truck. he could tell you were beyond scared to go home and he now knew it was time. he had to man up before it got worse and you attempted to break up with him.

once you arrived to Wayne Manor, you sat still, not moving an inch. "it'll be okay darlin', I promise it won't be too bad," he murmured as he opened your door. you nodded as you hopped off and started walking towards the door.

you could hear Damian's yells still going on from the other side door as you opened it. you grasped Jon's hand and walked into the living space, Damian's eyes immediately looking at you before charging to Jon with every ounce of strength he had. Jason quickly grabbed you as Jon dodged him and Damian went straight to attack him again. you couldn't bare to look at the sight and felt tears spring to your eyes as you hid your face into Jason's side.

"hey, you okay?" Jason asked. he could see the tears in your eyes which instantly made him a bit upset. "enough," Jason screamed, catching everyone's attention. Jon and Damian saw the hurt look on your face and as soon as Jon realized you were upset at the fight he was having, he kicked Damian off of him and walked towards you.

he grabbed your hand and whispered an apology into your ear as he stroked your cheek lovingly, "I'm sorry dear but I wasn't expecting Damian to do this," Jon said as Damian watched the way Jon was treating you. a part of him knew that Jon would treat you right. Jon wasn't like your typical average boy but the fact that neither of you told him is what set him off and seeing you being so lovingly with Jon set him off again.

Damian ran towards Jon again but this time, you shielded him which made him stop immediately, "Damian, stop, please," you croaked. Bruce saw you trying to neutralize the situation and stood next to Damian, hinting at him to quit it, "I'm sorry we never told you but the reason why we never did was because we had no idea who the other was. I didn't know Jon was your best friend and clearly didn't know that he was Superboy and he had no idea I was even related to you nevertheless your sister. please, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine," you explained.

Dick, Jason, and Tim stared at Jon who grabbed your hand and pulled you to the side, "and I would have never made the move if I knew she was your sister but we fell in love and it was like a soulmate connection. we were meant for each other and I want her to be in my life. she's it for me," Dick sighed mesmerized as Tim and Jason gagged at the cheesy confession.

Damian growled, "if you even think of hurting her, Clark will be down one son and I mean it. that's my sister and no man will ever be good enough for her. you are my best friend and she might be a pain in my ass, she means the world to me. I will not hesitate to dig your grave and bury you alive if I see one tear of sadness coming down her face," Damian stated before hitting Jon on the shoulder purposely before walking away.

you smiled, your heart swelling at Damian's speech. he never once said anything like that about you and in his Damian way of being, you knew this was his way of accepting your relationship with Jon. you smiled at Jon before giving him a huge kiss on the lips, making your dad and all of your brothers gag at the sight.

"okay, save that shit for privacy, no one needs to see that," Jason said as he walked away. Bruce gave you one look before turning to Jon, "your father knows in case you were wondering but feel free to stay for dinner if you'd like," Bruce said before walking away with Tim and Dick walking away with him.

"I love you," you whispered to Jon as he let out a laugh against your lips, "I love you too and I'm all of this was cleared out." you nodded in agreement as you grasped his hand, "wanna come up to my room? I figured we should catch some sleep before Alfred calls everyone for dinner and Damian starts another fight," Jon agreed, giving you a kiss on your head as the two of you walked up the stairs.

[yourlocalfictionalenthusiast]

IN LIFE, IN DEATH...

PART TEN

:Masterlist:

A/N: And that’s a wrap! Ahh, writing this series has been so fun and I’m so glad that so many of you have liked it so much. Thank you guys for staying until the end and hopefully for upcoming stuff 👀 I hope you enjoy the finale of In Life, In Death... <3

(Also the song mentioned in part six and this part is ‘She Is Love’ by Parachute) <3

-

December 1994

Luke groaned as he woke up, squinting hard to try and adjust his eyes to the amount of light in the room.

Even before he could see clearly, he knew he must've fallen asleep in the studio judging by the soreness in his back and neck that he always got when he slept on the old couch. It couldn't have been more than six in the morning, and Luke could still feel the tiredness in his bones. So he tried to turn away from the light and hopefully fall back asleep, but there was something keeping him firmly in place.

His heart skipped when he looked down and saw that you were laying right next to him with your head on his chest and an arm thrown across his stomach. When he realized that his own arms were wrapped around you, his heart broke out into a full-on tap dance.

Waves of confusion ran through his still-foggy brain until he saw his guitar case propped up against the piano and his backpack on the floor with his clothes spilling out of it.

Then the events of last night quickly came back to him.

How he had gotten home late from rehearsal and his mom was waiting in the kitchen with his latest report card and her signature lecture at the ready. One minute he was standing there yelling, packing all he could fit into his bag, and the next, he was halfway to the studio with the rain soaking him head to toe.

He had expected it to be empty when he finally got there, but he was flooded with relief when he saw you. All the frustration slowly melted out of him the longer he laid there with you, leaving him feeling exhausted and shivering despite how warm he felt.

The last thing he wanted to do was talk about any of it, but when you asked, the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

He remembered rambling and crying again, the sound of your voice and the feeling of your fingers in his hair warming him up even more. Then finally, he remembered falling asleep with his chin tucked on top of your head, the smell of your shampoo filling his senses.

Without thinking, Luke reached down and carefully pushed a piece of hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear and smiling to himself when you shifted into his touch. Then taking in a sharp breath as the realization ran through him all the way down to his toes.

You were his best friend.

The person he wanted to see at the end of a long day. Whenever he was full of anger or lost in confusion, all he had to do was look at you and everything suddenly made sense again. With your pretty smile and laugh, and your way of flipping that little switch inside him that made his head all fuzzy and the ground start spinning under his feet.

You were his best friend, and he was in love with you.

-

2020

All you felt was a mixture of anxiety and nausea as you stood on the Orpheum's street corner, biting the tips of your fingernails.

The entire plan hinged on Willie and Teddy getting everything done in time, and considering that they had betrayed you all before, you couldn’t help but expect the worst.

“Look, don’t worry. Willie said he’ll get us on that marquee.” Alex said nervously as he kicked pebbles across the sidewalk.

“This is going to work, right?” Reggie asked.

“It has to.” Luke mumbled, wincing seconds later when another shock hit them.

Two sharp pops cut through the air behind you and you all whipped around to see Willie and Teddy standing just a few feet away. Willie was watching you all carefully with concern written all over his face, his eyes lingering on Alex longer than anyone else. Teddy stood at the edge of the group, practically burning a hole in your face with his guilty stare.

“Are you guys okay?” Willie asked.

“Yeah, nothing we haven’t felt before.” Alex laughed awkwardly. “How’d it go?”

“Well, when the opening band wakes up, they’ll find their bus two hundred miles out of Vegas.” Willie said with a proud smile as he did a spin, showing off his stolen jacket with the band’s name across the back.

“With absolutely no chance of getting back in time.” Teddy added.

Luke gave Willie a fistbump and pointed up to the office above the Orpheum. “That means there’s probably a promoter up there freaking out right now.”

Willie grinned, sarcasm laced in his tone. “Nah, man. This is Hollywood. I’m sure he’s being very professional.”

You laughed and then Alex slowly inched forward, clearly struggling for the right words to say to Willie. You gave his arm a quick squeeze before following Reggie and Luke down the street to give them space. Before you even got halfway down the sidewalk, Teddy poofed next to you.

“You know, If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you don’t want to talk to me.” He joked.

“Teddy-”

"I just-I didn't want to leave things the way we did." He rambled. "I'm sorry, I should've told you everything that night in the diner-"

"Teddy, It's okay." You said. "You told me before Caleb could put the stamp on me, and you didn't know the details about the plan until after it was too late to help my friends. Plus, I know how much you're risking helping us now."

As soon as the words left your mouth, you felt some of the weight fall off your shoulders. You weren't sure why since the situation was still a little painful and awkward. But being around Teddy always made you feel a little like that kid who started working at the diner with Cece all those years ago. Besides, they were so alike that you found it hard to stay mad at him.

You held out your hand for Teddy to shake. "Despite everything, I'm glad we met."

“Likewise, Gorgeous,” Teddy said with a relieved smile as he grasped your hand. With a subtle wink, he nodded over towards where Luke was standing at the end of the street. “He’s a lucky guy.”

"What? How did you?-" You sputtered as he stepped away. You never told Teddy about Luke, or at least you didn't think you did.

Teddy just smirked in response before disappearing into the air. At the same time, you saw Willie skate away out of the corner of your eye, leaving Alex alone on the sidewalk.

You all phased next to him and Luke squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah. I'm good." Alex smiled slyly as he gestured to the office. "Looks like this show needs a new opening act though."

You grinned. "Let's go see if we can help with that."

-

When you got back to the studio, you found Julie pacing back and forth in the middle of the room as she wrung her hands together.

When you all poofed in, she immediately jumped into a load of questions, losing her breath halfway through and flailing her arms around.

"Whoa, just sit down," You laughed excitedly. "We'll tell you everything."

Julie took a gasping breath and plopped backwards onto the couch then stared at you all with expectant eyes. "Well?"

"It worked!" You announced. "Everything's fine."

"You should be getting the call...now!" Alex pointed to Julie’s phone on the table just as it started buzzing. You all cheered and Julie shushed you as she answered the call.

You heard a woman's voice say something through the phone and Julie gave a thumbs-up as she started jumping on the couch. You watched in amusement and mild horror as Luke and Reggie lifted Alex up into the air and spun him around.

Once he was back on the ground, Luke and Reggie made a beeline for you, each of them grabbed one of your arms and flipped you upside down over their shoulders.

You all spent the next twenty minutes laughing and screaming and Alex even got a little teary-eyed but you pretended not to notice. Then Julie called Flynn and ran off excitedly to decide her outfit for the night, leaving the four of you alone to plan out the setlist.

“Okay, so I’m thinking we start with Stand Tall.” Luke said excitedly as he wrote the words down in his songbook.

“Sounds good.” Reggie said, suddenly quiet.

“’Sounds good’? Guys, I wanna hear ‘That sounds awesome!” Luke reached out and nudged Reggie’s shoulder. “I know this isn’t the way we imagined any of this. But we need to be all in tonight. This is our second chance to play the Orpheum!”

“I get it.” Reggie sputtered. “But it’s hard. Do we even know what’s on the other side when we cross over? Do we still get to hang out together?”

You shifted your weight as the happy little bubble surrounding you popped. You had been so wrapped up in the excitement of finally playing the Orpheum that you almost forgot what tonight was really about.

“You guys are the only family I have.” Reggie’s eyes were glued to the piano as he played with his fingers. You reached out and locked his arm with yours in an attempt to comfort him.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen either. But it’s not like we have a choice.” Alex said.

Suddenly, Reggie’s arm fell out of yours as all three boys fell back, clutching their sides.

“I’m pretty sure we do.” Reggie groaned. “And it rhymes with ‘Hollywood Ghost Club’.”

The garage doors creaked open and Julie appeared with a bright smile and a blue garment bag in her hand. When she saw your expressions, her smile fell. “What’s wrong?”

“We just got hit pretty hard by one of those jolts.” Alex said. “But we’re fine.”

“Oh, good.” She nodded, though she still looked on edge. “I’m nervous.”

“That makes two of us.” You said. “But we made it this far for a reason. We got this.”

“Can you ride there with me? I'm gonna need more pep-talk material for the drive there cause I still think I might puke.” Julie tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Of course, and don't worry, we’ll leave the windows open.” You joked, making everyone laugh.

The sound of a car horn cut through the air and Julie looked outside. "That's my dad. Are you ready, (Y/n)?"

You nodded. "Yeah, uh, give me a second. I'll meet you in the car."

As Julie disappeared behind the doors, you turned to the boys and sighed as you tried to soak up this moment. For all you knew, this could be the last little window of time you had alone with them before tonight.

Julie was a huge part of the band of course, but these were your boys. The ones who you started this all with, who had been by your side for everything.

From the look on all their faces, you could see that they were thinking the same thing.

Without saying a word, you launched yourself at Alex. He made a surprised noise but recovered quickly, throwing his arms around you and holding you tight.

"And I'm the emotional one?" He jokingly muttered in your ear and you pinched his side, making him jump back. "Rude."

As soon as your arms were open, Reggie stepped forward and hugged you so tightly that you were thankful to not need oxygen anymore because he was definitely crushing several vital organs.

You laughed and gave him one last squeeze before pulling away, locking eyes with Luke instantly.

Alex cleared his throat awkwardly and grabbed Reggie's shoulder, steering him over to Luke's songbook to 'check out the setlist again'.

"And then there were two." Luke joked.

You laughed and stepped into his waiting arms, making him laugh. You soaked up the feeling of comfort and familiarity for a minute before pulling away.

"This, uh, is for you," Luke said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. You knitted your eyebrows together in confusion as he handed it over. "I wanted you to have it in case...well, you know. If tonight doesn't work."

"It will." You said, trying to ignore the fact that it very well could happen. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, Patterson."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He quipped back, his voice sounding softer and less teasing than you would've expected. You pulled back from him and because you didn't know if you would ever get another chance, you stood on your tiptoes and planted a kiss on his cheek.

You moved away too fast to see his reaction but the gesture made the other two boys smirk at you as you dashed out of the doors, making a beeline for the car pulling out of the driveway.

-

The back rooms of the Orpheum were a maze.

You had left for a few minutes to walk around the venue and clear your head, trying to wring out the last of your nerves.

By the time you found your way back, you expected to find the rest of the band rushing to get ready in the dressing room. But all you saw was Julie anxiously pacing as she had been earlier, a habit she seemed to have inherited from both you and Alex.

“You okay?”

She snapped her head up towards you and sighed. “Yeah, just a little worried. The guys aren’t here yet.”

You looked around the room and then at the clock, frowning. The show was in less than half an hour and that was already cutting it close. Part of you wanted to go check on them but Julie seemed to need you more at the moment.

“Okay, well, give them another ten minutes. I'm sure they'll be here. They wouldn’t miss this…again.”

You ran your palm across the front of your pocket, feeling Luke's note next to your parent’s photo, and hoped you were right.

But then more and more time passed until the stage manager came to escort Julie to the stage.

"Just a second!" She calls out and then turns to you. "(Y/n), something's wrong. They were getting those jolts pretty hard before we left. They must've run out of time."

You shut your eyes tight as the words sunk in. All you could bring yourself now was, ‘This isn't what was supposed to happen.’

The world fell out from under your feet and you had trouble even standing up straight as you imagined what must've happened to them. Your best friends, your brothers, your family was gone and there wasn't anything you could do about it.

The guy knocked again, this time a little harder and with a nervous tone. Julie chewed her lip as she looked between you and the door and you could almost see the cloud of grief settling over her.

As hard as it was, you tried your best to shove your feelings down and marched up to Julie. There would be time to fall apart later, but you knew that this what they would want you to do. "Let's go do this for them, okay?"

She took a deep, shaky breath before hesitantly nodding. You followed closely behind her as she walked out the door though the halls until she reached the stage. You waited beside Flynn in the wing as Julie settled behind her microphone and addressed the crowd.

There were scattered claps from around the venue and then she took a deep breath before singing the opening.

After the first few lines, you took your cue and materialized at the center of the stage. The crowd gasped and cheered the way they always did, but you kept your eyes shut tight and focused on the music.

Just as the song started picking up, you heard a familiar pop in the air and then the sound of drumming. You whirled around to see Alex mounted onto a drum set at the back of the stage, twirling his drumsticks around and smiling like he had never been gone at all.

Once you got over the initial shock, you wanted to cry with relief. They were okay, they were here. Alex winked at you goofily, and you ran towards Julie’s keyboard.

She had started bouncing on the balls of her feet, both of you finally getting into the song now that they were coming back. You followed suit, dancing around the base of the drum set as yours and Julie’s voices came together.

Then Reggie appeared on the other side of Julie and you ran to his side. You bumped his shoulder with yours and he grinned, moving to stand back to back.

The song was ramping up to the chorus when a staticky noise cut through the air, not loud enough for the crowd to hear but enough to make you all look over to the other end of the stage.

You could see Luke's form fading in and out, a look of anguish on his face, and the pit in your stomach opened up again. The crowd was on the edge of their seats as Alex's drumming paused and Luke finally materialized to sing the opening of the chorus.

You didn't even know you were moving until you suddenly found yourself across the stage next to Luke, unable to stop smiling as you sang.

Julie joined you, throwing her arms up in the air happily and jumping around. Reggie appeared by her side, flashing the crowd a winning smile.

Alex stood up and gripped his mic as he sang this solo. You looked back at him and flashed him a proud smile, then whooping loudly when Reggie sang his lines.

You all went down the line hitting your notes until the chorus kicked in again and your heart felt so full you almost couldn't stand it. This was what you were so close to achieving before you died, it was all you had wanted for years, and you knew that if you hadn't died, that night would've changed your life. But this night was something even more special. Because you were all here, all together.

Even if it was just for one last song.

Julie caught your attention and nodded towards the platform that spread out into the crowd. You followed her to the center and stood back to back as everyone cheered.

The guys joined in on either side of you, Alex grabbing one of your hands and Luke holding the other. You all bowed to the audience before taking your cue and vanishing, leaving only Julie on stage.

You landed in the wing, feeling a little lightheaded and overwhelmed from all the emotions you had experienced in the last five minutes. The elated smile fading from your face when all three boys poofed by your side only to fall to the floor instantly.

“It didn’t work.” You said miserably as Julie emerged into the backstage area. She grabbed Flynn and whispered something to her, pointing in the direction of her family. Flynn nodded and disappeared into the crowd while Julie ran to your side.

You hauled Alex onto his feet, letting him lean on you to stay upright while Luke and Reggie trailed behind Julie as she led the group back to the dressing room. Once everyone was inside, they collapsed on the couch or the floor, loudly groaning in pain.

“What happened? Why didn’t it work?” Julie asked tearfully.

“I guess playing here wasn’t our unfinished business.” Alex said hollowly.

“Point Caleb.” Reggie muttered as he clung to the side of an armchair.

You stood frozen next to Julie as panic spread through your whole body, both of you flinching in sympathy as the shocks continued.

“You have to save yourselves right now.” Julie begged. “Join Caleb’s club. It’s better than not existing at all!”

“She’s right.” You managed to say, your voice shaky and almost giving out. Your stomach flipped at the thought of them having to work for an evil club owner forever, but the alternative was worse. “You guys need to go now! For me. For us.”

“We’re not going back there.” Reggie shook his head.

Luke pulled himself up and stumbled forward a little so that he was right in front of you. “No music is worth making if we’re not all making it together.”

You sighed sadly, thinking back to your conversation yesterday. “So no more regrets?”

Luke let out a deep sigh and then reached up and cupped your cheek with his right hand. “Just one.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in response and Luke blinked hard as if he was trying to find the words. "I never told you why I left that night."

"Luke, don't." You gave him a weak smile. "I get it."

"You do?" He asked.

You struggled to get the words out. "Yeah, I mean it was bound to happen eventually. We just got too close and it was weird for you. I understand t-”

"What?" Luke asked, cutting you off with a confused look. "No, no, that's not it at all. Read the-"

Before he could finish, you heard Julie gasp loudly from a few feet away. You looked over to see her stepping back from Alex with an awestruck look on her face as she gripped his forearms.

Wait, what?

Before you could even begin to process what you were seeing, Reggie was reaching out to Julie, who grabbed his wrist and hauled him up to his feet. The three of them stared at each other for a few seconds before Julie turned to you and Luke.

“Guys, come here.”

Alex reached out and pulled you into his side while Luke threw an arm around Reggie’s back and Julie brought you all in closer to her. At first, nothing happened. But then there was a faint buzzing sound and the boys lifted their wrist towards the ceiling and you all watched in awe as the stamp floated away in the blink of an eye.

“Whoa.” Reggie said, his eyes still glued to the ceiling. “I don’t feel as weak anymore.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Alex agreed. “Not that I ever was that weak in the first place.”

You rolled your eyes and let your head fall over on his shoulder. “What do you think that means?”

Luke smiled. “I think it means the band is back.”

It was quiet for a second before Alex looked at you all shyly. “You guys think we can try that hug thing again?”

You laughed as you huddled together again, sniffling and laughing. Then Julie yelled out that you had played the Orpheum and then you were all jumping around, still tangled in each other’s arms.

Eventually, you all broke apart and while the boys started chasing each other around, you turned to Julie. She looked into your eyes and immediately flew into your arms, muttering into your shoulder, “I always wanted a big sister.”

The words warmed your heart and you squeezed her extra hard, grateful that you actually could now. “Well, I’m honored.”

“My family's probably looking for me so..." Julie stepped back from your arms with the biggest smile you’d ever seen on her face, you jokingly bowed to her and she copied the gesture before disappearing behind the door.

You wiped the last of your tears out of your eyes and turned around to find Alex and Reggie were talking in whispers and wearing knowing smiles. When Alex saw you looking, he cleared his throat and nudged Reggie’s shoulder.

“Hey, Reg.” Alex said cheekily, not taking his eyes off of you for even a second. “I was going to check out the next band. You wanna come with me?”

“Sure!” Reggie started strolling towards the door, stopping only for a second to nudge your shoulder and whisper ‘don't do anything I wouldn’t do’ in your ear.

Alex fixed Luke with a pointed look over his shoulder and Reggie gave him a dorky wink before they poofed away. You smiled fondly at the space where they were just standing and awkwardly turned towards Luke.

“Hi.” You said, laughing awkwardly.

“Hi.” Luke muttered back as he stepped forward until he was close enough to grab your hand. “About what I was saying earlier…”

You opened your mouth to say something but he shook his head and pointed to your pocket. “Read it. Please.”

You tugged the note he had given you earlier out of your pocket and carefully folded it open to see that it wasn’t a note at all. It was the love song that Julie had found that day in the garage, the one that he didn’t want anyone to see. You struggled a little trying to decipher Luke's handwriting. The ink was a little smudged and the song was clearly unfinished but it was the most beautiful thing you had ever read. And he had written it for you.

"I didn't leave because we got too close," He said. "It was the opposite, (Y/n), I left because I was scared to lose you, and I know that doesn't make sense because I kind of did w-"

You carefully tucked the paper back in your pocket with one hand and grabbed the back of his neck with the other, pulling him down and closing the last bit of space between you.

Luke's brain short-circuited for a second before he started kissing back, grabbing your waist with enough force to nearly knock you both backwards. It was dizzying and a little desperate, yet weirdly familiar, as if you'd been kissing him your whole life.

Most moments with Luke felt like they were happening in slow motion, but this time it was like a high-speed movie montage of your whole lives. The stolen crayons, the time capsule, the pre performance pep talks, the smell of cinnamon, the ferris wheel, his jacket, the movie nights and songwriting sessions. All of it had led up to this moment.

"I love you." Luke said immediately after you pulled away. "God, I love you so much. I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry."

“Hey, it’s okay.” You laughed, blinking another wave of tears out of your eyes. “I should’ve told you forever ago instead of skirting around it.”

“And what is it that you should’ve told me?” He said teasingly and you rolled your eyes. You had gotten so used to Luke being so shut down or nervous around you that you almost forgot how much of a little shit he could be.

“That I love you too.” You said, unable to stop smiling.

Luke leaned down and captured your lips in another kiss, this time threading his fingers through your hair as he cupped your cheeks in his hands. “I’m never gonna get tired of hearing that.”

You bit your lip to keep another laugh from bubbling up as you looked up at him, feeling completely overwhelmed in the best way possible. "So...what now?"

"I don't know." Luke admitted. "But I know one thing."

"What's that?"

"That no matter where we go, or what we do," He pushed a piece of hair behind your ear. "In life, in death... I'm yours. Always."

-

The End

-

In Life, In Death Taglist:

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JATP Taglist:

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Let me know if you want to be added!

[silvermahogany]

Talking about a few songs I associate with my favourite aonoex characters bc i enjoy shoving my music taste in people's faces and analysing the shit out of nothing <3

Recent chapter spoiler warning lessgo, also mentions of suicide tw

THE MAIN MANS HIMSELF

Still feel - Half•Alive

"I am not a slave, so pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave"

In my mind, this is his themesong without a doubt. Its reached the point where wherever i hear it it makes me really happy because I associate it with him so strongly :,D might just be because I found it while getting back into the fandom when Ren was kinda transitioning to my favourite so they came up together but either way, absolute banger. The bit at the end when everything drops and the lead singer belts his heart out, I always love to picture Ren doing the same in the illuminati uniform with Yamatanka building around him and I've never wanted to learn how to animate more in my life cause my GOD he's so cool.

My favourite song for my favourite character <3

Preach - Saint Motel

"Oh im down on my knees, mercy"

Its so happy and bouncy?? And the vibes are immaculate?? Matches well with the themes of religion as well, this one definitely shows his flirty loverboy side more, it gives the impression of some lovestruck idiot stumbling over himself every time his crush does anything and honestly, sounds like something he'd do. Good song makes me go :))))

Your Love (Deja Vu) - Glass Animals

"You eat us up, you live like you're on camera"

I feel like this one captures his spy side a little more than the others. The lower notes in the main verses give a secretive feel, like he's halfway through a mission and trying trying stay silent. But it's also flirty in a more smooth way than wholesome crushes like the rest. The lead singer has such a gorgeous voice too i'll praise glass animals until the day i die 🥺🥺 God tier song god tier vibe 1000000/10

Do It All The Time - IDKHOWBUTTHEYFOUNDME

"Now we're so young but we're probably gonna die, it's so fun we're so good at selling lies"

Now THIS is a song for a spy working for a secret deadly organisation, all about world domination and having a great time doing it. Renzou is a free spirit and loves the freedom of his job, and this song really captures that for me. He knows he's in danger, but he's living his best life and he's having a great time doing it baybeeee B)))

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

"You could yell 'piss off won't you stay away!' And still be sweet talk to my ears"

Ren is a persistent little shit when it comes comes crushes and this song shows it, a song about a guy who's so infatuated he doesn't care if he's hated or laughed at, he just loves hearing their voice. I see this as a bit of a yukishima anthem tbh, I feel like in the early stages of their relationship it would be pretty one sided with Shima trying to win him over and Yukio shutting him down so this matches that pretty well :>

Cant go five minutes without talking about them can i-

Honourable mentions-

Talk too much - COIN - very flirty and cheesy considered it as his themesong for a while

Toxic - Britney Spears - self explanatory :)

Razzmatazz - IDKHBTFM - everything they make shows his spy side imo, good for daydreaming

Van horn - Saint Motel -honestly anything by Saint Motel or Half•Alive reminds me of him, great bands :D

YUKIO MY BELOVED

Yukio was weirdly a lot harder for me to find songs for. For Renzou i have a giant playlist I add to over time, supreme comfort playlist egegegeheh, but Yukio's is a lot shorter for some reason. I guess his vibe is a little difficult to get down but a while scrolling through my main playlist and I think I have a decent few that at least match his character development and plotline.

Stressed Out - Twenty one Pilots

"Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter"

Pretty self explanatory really, mans was forced to grow up and mature way faster than he shouldve had to, having a high stress job by the age of 13 studying for two meister all while studying to be a normal doctor as well. Not much of a surprise he has so many mental issues by the beginning of the story. I dont listen to much TOP but the few songs I know seem to fit Yukio pretty nicely :)

Oh Klahoma - Jack Stauber

"Those aren't meant to bend, no those arent meant to bend"

Another song based on depression, but with a much quieter feel, much lower energy. I feel like this one more links to his tendencies of delf destruction, and how alone he feels as he faces his battle. Like he's singing into the void hoping for something to reply, but nothing will. Man :(

The Fall - Half•Alive

"I'd jump off and into your arms but i cant trust the fall"

I feel like this one highlight his story to Rin in a really realistic way. Yukio has a good heart, he's kind and wants to love his brother and open up to him he wants to get better. But he's so deep in his pit of depression and conflicting feelings over his brother that he can't bring himself to, he sees no way out. God I wanna write an analysis on his character so bAD-

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

"Numb, I've been burning with haste and I'm realising now it's a terrible waste"

We just keep getting darker huh, didn't pick very pleasant tunes for this boy did I. A bouncy, happy song about a girl calling a suicide hotline, lovely. But i feel like it describes his mental state pretty well, outside he seems ok. Sure Rin picks up that somethings off, but once Yukio assures him he doesnt really persist above asking him a couple times. But below the facade he's really reaching his breaking point, and I love how this song contrasts those two tones in a scarily natural way. Absolute banger

Fireflies - Gorillaz

"And if you say goodbye too many times, the sentinels will find me and switch me off this time"

One of my absolute favourite Gorillaz songs by far. The melody is so gorgeous, melancholic in the best kind of way. For Yukio I feel like it signifies how trapped he feels as Satan's son, he's hit his lowest point and he doesnt know how to start moving back up. But the song also has a hopeful feel to it, as if even though he feels lost, he will get better. In the recent chapters we see a moment of reconciliation between Yukio and the people around him, with Suguro forgiving him and tye two brothers finally getting a chance to to things out. Before everything went to shit lmaoo. But with that i really hope that after all the fighting is done, Yukio will finally get the chance to see how bad things have gotten, and reach out to get better. And this song shows that for me :D

Honourable mentions!!

Creature - Half•Alive - the first song I ever added to his playlist, there for sentimentality tbh

Cane shuga - Glass Animals - the plonky noises make the happy chemical go buckwild, not sure why it reminds me of him it just kinda does really

I Earn My Life - Lemon Demon - mans is overworked give him a break :( ngl i don't associate it with him much but i wanted to edge a lemon demon song in somewhere-

Dead inside - Younger Hunger - whenever I hear this I always imagine a really cool animation of him and it always plays out the same way and MAN I wanna animate so baDD

Absolute wordvomit woohoo, hypervocused on this instead if doing the assignment due this evening I'm a fantastic student. This was kinda fun tho!!! I might do other characters at somepoint, these guys are my favourites but i have a bunch of playlists for other characters like Amaimon and Shura, recommendations are welcome too!!

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 6 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I'm sooo sorry I haven't been updated in more than two weeks. I had exams :/ Also, do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Language

1572 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smile Cassian plastered on his face didn’t reach his eyes. His brothers saw that. Feyre and Elain saw that. Mor and Amren knew that. He himself did. But they didn’t say anything. If it weren’t Feyre’s anniversary, he would’ve even gone home. He couldn’t though. He wouldn’t do anything that would hurt his family. So he stayed. Smiled. Joked. Laughed. Did everything he could to keep his mind from straying to a grey-eyed masterpiece.

Az and Rhys saw, he knew. They always seemed to realise everything about each other. Even if one of them had a minor headache, the other two would know. Tonight, however, none of them pushed him. They probably thought he wanted to be alone. But did he? Truly?

He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to be alone. That would make memories of their lunch rise. Of her shirt splattered with coffee on one day and blood on another. Of her pale form laying on his bed. Of her, enjoying his food. Of their shared jokes. He didn’t think he could take that.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to be around people either. He didn’t know if he could stay around people who laughed and teased. He didn’t know if he could laugh with them and actually mean it. He didn’t know if he could anytime soon.

Cass glanced at the clock. 3.00 a.m. He smiled. Whenever they gathered around in the living room, retiring early was totally off the table. The earliest they dispersed was four in the morning.

To his right, Rhys sighed. “It’s late,” he said, tucking Feyre close to his side. “Gotta go to bed.”

He smirked, but held back the joke on the tip of his tongue. After a chorus of goodnights, Rhys and Feyre told them they could stay here tonight if they wanted to and rose to go upstairs. Feyre laughed at something Rhys said and Cass felt a pang of sadness hit him.

Sadness… and something else. He knew he shouldn’t, but he envied the both of them. How easily they bantered and teased. How smooth their relationship was. He remembered how Feyre locked herself in the cabin after Rhys proposed. He remembered how she asked Mor not to let anyone in, especially Rhys. He sighed. He felt an amount of the jealousy dissipate. Probably Nesta would get together with him after their slight misunderstanding passed. If it did.

He got up to leave when Az stopped him. “You sure you’re going back?” Cass didn’t remember telling Az that he was going back. Then again he didn't need to. Az always saw everything. “You're not that… somber.”

Ah. Cass smiled. “I'll be fine, ” he reassured. Az still didn't let him go. “I'll send you a text once I'm home,” he tried. Az sighed.

“I'll be waiting for it.”

Cass looked at Mor, drunk and blabbering before stepping out of the house. He kept replaying that memory till he reached home, keeping his mind occupied. He was scared of what would happen if he kept his thoughts idle.

He informed Az that he reached home. He didn't know why going back home felt like preparing for a battle. It probably was a battle. Between her and his self-restraint. What was at stake here was his sanity. Cass sighed. He stepped in through the threshold and welcomed the darkness that enveloped him.

***

Stop crying like a baby, Nesta repeatedly reminded herself. Why should she cry? Nothing here was her fault. Nothing.

Not the fact that she let his charmed smiles bring her guards down. Not the fact that she felt alive when he said something stupidly funny. Certainly not the fact that she was slowly falling for him.

None of it was her fault. So why should she cry? Why should she stop herself from attending her own sister's anniversary? When it was all his fault.

She shouldn't be crying. She should be thinking about ways of exploiting his weaknesses. She should think about how she would portray him as the weak one. She should think about how she was going to make him regret everything.

But how could she make him regret it when she never regretted a second of it? She hated that this was where her thoughts went first. To scheming and plotting. She thought she changed. Did she regret her wish to be good? No. She reveled in it. No, she vowed herself, I would not scheme to make him beg. I'm not that Nesta anymore. I'll never be.

She was proud of herself. She never realised her self restraint was this good.

But apparently not good enough. Her thoughts drifted back to him. No, not him. Cassian. Cauldron, it'll take some time to get used to calling him Cassian. Or maybe Cass. Feyre and Rhysand called him that. Probably she would too. She thought about what he called her. Nes. She flushed. That stupid name did stupid things to her. She pretended she didn't like it. In fact, she loved it. Somehow, she wasn't ready to tell him that yet.

***

Nesta blinked open her eyes against the morning light. Her eyes were closed? It was morning already? Huh.

It took her some time for her eyes to adjust. She screamed at what she saw. Nesta scrambled back from the looming figure of Tomas, leering at her face.

“Nesta, Nesta, ” he said in his eerie voice. It became scarier with his sing-song tone. “My Nesta.” He paused. “Though I suppose you aren't mine anymore. You were still mine last time, you know. When you handed me over to the police. ”

She bared her teeth, opened her mouth to say something when his hand closed around her throat.

“But now, I suppose I can't call you mine anymore, can I? That reminds me. Where is your bodyguard? Or is that brute your boyfriend?” He spat the last word. His hand tightened around her neck.

“Do you know what he did to me? Your bastard. Did you know how he threatened me? Did you know that he smashed my bones, that it took me this long to heal?”

Some sort of savage satisfaction filled her. The fact that Cassian did all this… she smirked. It didn't go unnoticed by Tomas. He growled, the sound sending icy fingers ghosting down her spine. She hoped she didn't have to hear it again.

His hand around her throat pushed her farther back on the bed. He drew back, she let loose a relieved breath. A mistake.

His hand cracked on her cheek. He came infinitely closer to her, his hot, rancid breath glancing off her cheeks. His hand kept tightening around her throat and she wondered how she wasn’t dead yet. It was certainly bruised now.

“Look at you. So vulnerable. So killable. I’ve imagined how I would slit your throat. So many ideas. If only I could kill you in all the ways I imagined. But do you know what is the best way I could kill you?”

Nesta let him talk. He loved to hear himself talk. She subtly looked around her room, searching for anything she could use as a weapon. She looked back at Tomas. He wasn’t talking. Did he ask her a question?

“Tell me, Nesta. Do you know what is the best way to kill you?” Nesta shook her head, his hand pressed around her throat. Tomas smiled. She cringed mentally.

“I think the best way to kill you and make it hurt is to kill you slowly. You know what makes it better? Having that bastard watch you die. Let him watch the life seep out of you. And then I’ll kill him too.” he said and she felt the room closing in. Panic was slowly rising in her.

“Now, now,” he said. She supposed he meant to be cajoling but the effect his voice gave was the exact opposite. “There’s no need to panic. I told you I’ll kill you only when your bodyguard is there.”

He pulled out a knife. She gasped and pain erupted around her throat. Her lungs were burning.

“But darling,” he said. She whimpered. She hated this. She hated that she was vulnerable here. She hated that she couldn’t do anything when her death was slowly nearing. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt you.”

Then his knife struck. Nothing hurt at first. Then, fiery pain whipped through her, beginning at her arm. She screamed. Pain. There was so much pain. She screamed so loud she pondered how the whole neighborhood didn’t hear anything.

***

Nesta gasped. Her eyes darted through her room. Nothing. No one. She looked at her arm. No pain. No scars. No blood. She touched her throat. It wasn’t sore. It wasn’t swollen. She got out of bed and looked at her mirror. No bruises. She let out a frustrated sound. It was a dream. A fucking dream. Or she supposed it was a nightmare. Still. It wasn’t real.

It was still five in the morning. Still quite early. She released a breath. She wouldn’t find a cab now but she could walk. It wasn’t that far. She fixed her hair and changed her clothes. She wasn’t going because she missed him. She just didn’t want to be vulnerable again. That’s all. She just wanted to know how to defend herself. Nothing else. So Nesta went to Cassian’s house, hoping that she’s making the right choice.

taglist: @shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @nehemikkele @angelic-voice-1997 @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @irenethaleia @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella @ganseys-jane

[keiyoomi]

❝you should’ve told me❞

☾ pairing: oikawa tōru x reader; (ft. oc)

☾ genre: angst

☾ word count: 1,372 words

☾ note: i’m still adjusting with the sudden changes. i’m not comfortable writing using my phone. 😭 anyway, i’ll rewrite this one. i’m not sure when, but i will. rewritten.

☾ currently playing on repeat: 'di sapat pero tapat by this band

☾ three types of people

"Eh? Y/N-chan, you weren't with Oikawa?" Issei asked as soon as you've approached him and Hiro during your breaktime. The two of them shared a look before Hiro shook his head. "Don't worry, we'll send you a message if we see him," he added earning a bright smile from you before you walked towards your classroom.

You pursed your lips before glancing at the empty seat of Mariko. Fate must've thought it would be funny if you'll be placed in the same class as Oikawa's ex-girlfriend. You sat on your seat near the window before placing the bento box you've worked hard for earlier today.

'He's probably eating somewhere. Pretty sure he wouldn't mind if I eat his share. Right,' you told yourself while eating an early lunch. You took a spoonful of rice before brushing the tears from your cheeks. 'He's probably with her again. . . I shouldn't have tried my luck with him. H-He should've just rejected my confession.' You were sobbing while eating until you've finished your early lunch.

Coincidentally, Mariko returned to her seat with the brightest smile on her lips. She smirked at your direction before squealing with her friends. "Few more hours," you whispered before looking outside the window. Cool wind brush your skin making you close your eyes for a brief moment.

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make," your class adviser began. "You'll spend your last period in the gym. Yes, it is for your upcoming graduation ceremony." Everyone cheered, aside from you. How could you possibly celebrate when you're fully aware that your beloved boyfriend will spend the rest of the day spewing excuses.

When everyone gathered at the gym, you immediately approached Hajime. You noticed how he curled his hand into fist, ready to punch your boyfriend on his face, but you hold his wrist. He looked at your face, but you smiled at him as you shook your head. "You don't have to, Hajime," you whispered. "I. . . I'm ending things with him."

His lips parted as he looked at you. He's probably thinking that you were possessed by an unknown force, making you say things opposite to what you used to say whenever you swoon over his bestfriend. "When?"

You pursed your lips. "Later and I'm gonna need your help." His eyebrows furrowed. "Invite him to the ramen shop. I'll come with you."

"Then?"

"Maybe you could make up some excuse that you'll stay behind with Hiro and Issei."

Hajime held your shoulder, making you look at him. "Are you sure about this, Y/N?" he asked.

"Yes. I can't keep on holding onto someone who wasn't reaching out to me in the first place." You forced a smile. "Please, Hajime."

He sighed before glancing at Issei and Hiro. "But don't expect us to stay still in there. We'll follow you until we're sure that you got home safely," he responded.

You sighed exasperatedly before nodding your head. If there's something you gained from your relationship, it's the three dorks who are always there when you needed them.

“That was exhausting!” Hiro complained as he leaned against the back of the chair. You nodded your head in agreement before leaning your head on Tōru’s shoulder. “I swear, if we were asked to repeat singing the same song again, I’d flip!”

“Maybe you were just a bad singer,” Issei teased earning a smack from Hiro.

“At least, my voice isn’t deep and scary as fuck!”

Laughter filled the your table as the two continued to bicker. Oddly, your boyfriend—who would typically add more oil to the fire—was quiet while staring at a distance.

“Tōru, are you alright?” you asked. He blinked before looking at his friends then to you. He placed a gentle kiss on your temple before smiling.

You didn’t noticed the looks exchanged between Hiro, Issei and Hajime. Haji discreetly pointed at the nearby table and Hiro and Issei immediately looked at that direction.

They shook their heads before raising their eyebrows at Tōru.

“I’ll just go to the washroom for a bit,” you said before standing up. On your way to the washroom, you saw a familiar face sitting few tables away from yours. It was Mariko.

“OI, STOP STARING at Mariko,” Iwaizumi scolded after hitting his arm. Oikawa pouted his lips while rubbing his—now—sore arm. “If you hurt Y/N, I’ll smack you in the face.”

“I’ll hold his arm,” Issei added while scowling at Oikawa.

“Me too,” Makki said before your orders arrive. After thanking the server, he looked at his friend again. “You’ve been spacing out the entire day.”

“During the graduation practice, you kept on looking at Mariko’s direction.” Issei shook his head. “I couldn’t believe that Mariko and Y/N are classmates.”

Iwaizumi scowled at his bestfriend. “You’re not as shitty as I think you are, right? You’re not dating Y/N just to make Mariko jealous?”

Oikawa remained silent. He quietly slurped the bowl of ramen in front of him, ignoring the questions thrown by his bestfriend. He was uncertain, to be honest.

You sat next to him after using the washroom. He noticed how your hand was shaking. Oikawa glanced to you. Your eyes were swollen as you forced a smile at him.

“Thank you for the food,” you said cheerfully before eating your order. Issei, Makki and Iwaizumi looked at each other before throwing a glare at Oikawa.

“Y/N-chan, are you alright?”

“H-Hm? O-Of course, I am. Why would I not be?”you asked before telling them to eat their ramens before it gets cold.

THE two of you were the first to left the ramen shop. You wanted to wait for Iwaizumi to make the atmosphere between you and Tōru to be less awkward, but he said that Hiro and him were planning to stay at Issei’s tonight.

The two of your were silent as you walked side by side with your boyfriend. You couldn’t get yourself open a topic that would hurt you. You sighed heavily before looking at the midnight blue sky.

“Beautiful, aren't they?" you asked while staring at the stars. "They remind me of you." Oikawa glanced at your direction, confused and shocked. "They're beautiful, but unreachable. You can only admire them from afar." You chuckled before tears began to stream down your cheeks. "And maybe seeing them upclose is merely a dream."

"Y/N. . ."

"Let's stop this, Toru."

He stopped walking beside you upon hearing those words. Your voice was quivering.

"What do you mean?"

"I know everything, Toru. How you spend more time with her during your free time. How you walk her home every night while your friends accompany me. How you keep on feeding me lies and excuses just to spend more time with her." You brushed the tears on your face before facing him. "I know everything and it hurts. It hurts so bad, Toru."

He tried to wrap his arms around you, but you stopped him. "Don't try to comfort me, Toru. Don't try to make another excuse. I. . . I'm tired of fighting for whatever he have. . . Whatever we had. Set me free, Toru." You sobbed as you plead. "Y-You'll be able to love her whenever you want if you set me free. Y-You'll stop hurting me if you set me free."

"I-I'm sorry."

You smiled bitterly. "You should've rejected me when I confessed. You should've rejected me just like what you do with those girls before me." You nipped your lower lip as you sob. "It would've hurt less."

Oikawa stiffened, guilt flooded his system. "I-I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Toru. I hope. . . I hope you wouldn't do this to other people in the future just because you're afraid to feel alone. . . just because your heart was broken."

☾ taglist: @haikyuu-ink ; @kenchiko ; @agaassi ; @benvo ; @sadsugarplumm ; @yams046 ; @ ; tba (send an ask or dm if you’d like to be added/removed!)

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

'birds of prey': a cinematic masterpiece

It's been a little over a year since Birds of Prey came out, a couple of months since I watched in on a whim, and I'm still not over this film.

Too many men people get pressed whenever you say you like this movie. "It's objectively bad," they say. "It's campy. It's too divergent from the canon. It's SJW propaganda."

Who gives a fuck, Richard? Who gives a single flying fuck?

I'll preface this by saying, my knowledge of the DCU is flimsy, at best. I've watched a couple of movies. My mum used to watch Smallville. I watched the pilot episode of Gotham. And I know enough about it to get the few references sprinkled in other media. But I draw a complete blank when it comes to the comics. So the canon of the comics had no effect on my enjoyment of the movie. Which I did. A lot.

I walked in blind when I watched Birds of Prey for the first time. I was unaware of the controversy surrounding it, and the only reason I even gave it the time of day was because I was bored.

I watched Suicide Squad circa 2016, and positively abhorred it- the only good thing about it was the soundtrack (the best songs are always wasted on the worst movies. Case in point: Twilight). And the not-so-casual misogyny was just... Yikes.

And then, we got Birds of Prey.

Since watching the film, I did a bit of research (see: Googling 'birds of prey movie reviews' and clicking on the first few results that popped up). The response was mixed- which honestly came as a surprise, since I thought it was great, and mine is the only opinion that holds weight.

I've read and watched a lot of those reviews. I watched the CinemaSins video. I watched the CinemaWins video, because CinemaSins has taken a major nosedive since I first started watching them.

Were all the negative reviews not-so-subtly indicative of the (predominantly male) critics' misogyny? I dunno; how did they talk about similar male-centered action films? I don't think it's fair to scream, "SEXIST!" just because someone didn't like the movie. Critics hated Venom (which was admittedly pretty meh. I still enjoyed it, though), but it was still pretty well-received by viewers.

I saw one review say that Birds of Prey was 'for the birds'... I'll let you unpack that yourself.

And yet, though I try to keep an open mind, I find it unfathomable how anyone can dislike Birds of Prey.

One of my favorite parts about the movie was the female gaze present throughout its entirety. I've seen people bring up the obvious change in Harley's costume- which I'm a bit iffy about, to be honest. Don't get me wrong- I love her choppy bangs and fun pigtails and the whole fluffy top thing she's got going on, but a whole lot of the critique towards her getup in Suicide Squad comes off a tad too slut-shamey (that isn't a word? Well, it is now).

Her outfit wasn't the issue. It's how she was framed.

In Suicide Squad, we get loads of shots of men leering at Harley, and a little too much emphasis on her breasts and arse in almost every scene she's in. As opposed to Birds of Prey, where Harley's still sexy (I'm seriously concerned for the straight men who found Harley unattractive in this film... You good, Pete?), but we focus on her face instead.

That part where Harley gives Canary a hair tie in the middle of a fight scene? Brilliant.

The characters have depth (a lot of reviews disagree with me. Well, what do I know? I am but a lowly STEM student). One of my favorites was Canary (and not just because I found her insanely attractive)- I love, love, love her arc in the film.

I've seen people complain that the villain didn't really get all villainy until towards the end of the film; which, if Sionis had to put on the mask for you to finally see him as the bad guy, then you've clearly missed most of the film. He's literally introduced while he's peeling the skin off of someone's face. Not to mention that one particular scene at the club- I won't go into too much detail, because it could be triggering to a lot of people- but it chilled me to the bone.

Following up with the villains: "All the men are bad guys," they say. "The whole film is feminist propaganda," they say.

And me posting this on International Women's Day is a bit on-the-nose, I'll admit, but this particular critique bothers me. Because those men aren't unrealistic. They aren't caricatures of men in the real world. We all know men just like them. A lot of them hit a little too close to home for me.

I've seen people complain that women touting the film as feminist turned them off from it- which, I dunno about you, but seems problematic to me on so many levels. Sure, not everything has to have a political agenda, but it's hardly like Harley & Co. scream, "GIRL POWER!" every three minutes.

(Also: it's funny how way more people get mad about poorly executed feminism than actual issues a lot of women in the world face, but that's a topic for another day.)

The diversity was just- wow. Getting not only one but FOUR Asian characters with lines? Hollywood, am I dreaming? The LGBTQ+ representation (not going into Sionis and Zsasz being queer coded)? Holy shit, yes! Maybe I'm getting too excited about this- Hollywood's a lot kinder to us minorities as of late- but it still fills me with joy whenever I see people like me onscreen.

Another complaint that springs up with regards to Birds of Prey is the skewed order in which Harley narrates the events. Which is kind of one of her defining traits- she's an unreliable narrator. And she makes it pretty obvious (this video explains it better than I can). The cartooned beginning was engaging, as corny as some of it was (loved the style, too).

The fight scenes were thrilling to watch. Not a single minute passed by where I was bored (my eyes usually glaze over during prolonged action scenes in films, which did not happen in this case). The comedy was well-timed and bold; the cartoonishness added to its charm.

And this is probably not even significant, but I adored the color scheme. I loved the bright, shocking colors; the emphasis on the pinks, reds and blacks.

And, finally, how could I go without mentioning the soundtrack? It was divine- I listen to the Birds of Prey album on Spotify almost every day; Lonely Gun and Experiment On Me are among my most-played songs, and the rest of the music is just as delightful.

In conclusion: go watch Birds of Prey if you haven't already. It's the closest thing to a spiritual experience I had last year.

[shiro-0197]

Of course! The title is Yuukoku no moriarty, and it's honestly one of the best things I've EVER watched (next to aot and haikyuu) and I watch it with my mom 😆 they're all so pretty I might cry

oh that is SO understandable. We get flooded with lots of work too, our days are always filled with tuition classes and stuff, and the more active you are, the more responsibilities you have, which also eats a lot of time. (I'm VERY active in clubs and extracurriculars so I low-key don't have any time at all when schools on, so it's very nice to relax now)

I hope you find out soon!! And I hope you don't get those headaches :( they must be very annoying... Skdhskks that sounds so nice!! I hope breakfast goes well!!

I woke up early to join an event another Leo club from a different school was hosting. The president invited me and I went as a favour hhh. I'm probably gonna spend the rest of my day working on our event, and inviting people. My email and phone are so packed with contacts to invite 😣🙀 and I've been calling my members since morning to get them to help me with the promotion :D

oh that's so cute! It just personalises the names so well uwu and that way no one else except you guys will ever know which store you're referring to.

YES IT WOULD!! I'd love to bake with you. I totally wouldn't smear flour on you when you aren't noticing, wdym? 💁😼😋

oh I see!! So they celebrate Eid, then? Tho yes I think new year's is universal :D can't wait to count down and welcome the new year~ that sounds so cool!! Gonna check their videos out if I have time, and I added the song to my playlist!! I get what you mean, whenever the singer screams or something, chills istg! I used to listen to a song like that, it had a scream in it halfway but I forgot the name. I'll let you know if I remember!! Do you have a celebrity crush? I'm curious x)

IM GONNA FITE YOUR HEADACHE HOLD ME BACK HOW DARE IT PLAGUE YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE >:(((((( brb gonna Google how to fight a headache :] tho I hope you have a good brunch :D

JB skfhskjdks no 😭😭 me and my friend constantly annoy each other with his song titles, especially "baby" cuz it's the cringiest thing ever, but we can't ever seen to drop it skckdhkdk

thank you!! And good luck to you too, I hope you have a good day!

—Ari

Ohh, it looks good! Thank you, I'll check it out<33

Ahh, that sounds so stressful!! I'm glad you have time to rest today, and I'm proud that you got through that everyday, I would've probably shrunken or something at that amount of work XD

Yep, though sometimes I get distracted enough to not notice them. I forgot how it feels to live without a headache, and now I dont know if I dont have it all the time and if I just imagine the pain sometimes, it's so confusing😭😭 It did!! It was nice, it was really quiet and I decided to put my phone away and it felt pretty good<3

Oho?? That's so cool! From a different school? Our schools have connections too but tbh we dont hold meetings together at all, that sounds so cool. I wish I went to your school😩 mine isn't bad but tbh I'd need something to keep me busy. I'm literally so used to having free time every day it's annoying. I hope you're holding up well with all your work, good luck♡♡

Ahahah, food fight during baking🥰 that sounds like a huge mess, I'm in.

Yeah, they do!! Though not everyone does the fasting part, they still celebrate it.

I hope you like 'em!! And sameeee the absolute blast I feel whenever they scream is INSANE, I'd love to hear that song you're talking about hehe~

A celebrity crush? Well, I'm not really big on celebrities right now XD though about an year abo I was obsessed with Brian Dechart and Ben Lambert, the guys who played Connor and Simon in Detroit: Become Human. I watched EVERYTHING I could find with them.

Also, idk if it counts, but I really admire a girl from Kuro's school. He keeps talking about her, saying how cool she is and what awesome stuff her and her class do. Shes also one of the main members (idk, maybe shes the leader? I'm not sure) of the KVN club of their school, which is really cool. It might be a waste of time, but if you're curious you can check out the team's insta - 6madam - and theres everything else you need. The girl's name is Raushan and the amount of stuff she does for the school is really cool:)

HOW ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT MY HEADACHE ARE YOU GONNA LKE HIT MY HEAD😭😭😭 PLS SOME CUDDLES WOULD BE FINE😝💕 nooo you have a lot to do on your own!!!

BWAHAHAH I feel you, when someone mentions the "Baby", no one can stop singing the freaking "baby, baby, oeaughbehhfhdhhr" part and it's so HORRYFYING sometimes but also so FUNNY😭

I hope school's been treating you well, love you lots😝💖💞💝💕

[fangirlish33-blog]

Loving Blindly

Harry is intrigued by a blind! Y/N who is very passionate about life. 

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fic ever. I'm so excited to share it with you and I hope it reaches out. Initially I didn't wanted to write it but I just started and it took me about a week to complete this first part. A massive thank you to @loveandyourstrulyh for the pushing me to write and beta reading this. You have my heart Yev! and secondly, I want to thank @waitingfortwilight who wrote this amazing masterpiece Subtitles  which gave me inspiration. Make sure to read Kates entire masterlist! Taging @isntshelovelyharry because I told her I'll write a fic exactly one month and four days ago and she told me to tag her. 

PART 1: Word Count (2k+)

Los Angeles is no doubt a celebrity’s favorite place apart from New York. Just like that, it was Harry’s favorite for two reasons, one; access to his favorite studios and two, coffee shops. Whenever he would come to L.A for holidays, he would always go to different coffee shops. But today he wanted to go to that one shop where he felt like home. He finished his morning work-out earlier than usual, so he took a shower and decided to jog to his go-to place, ‘Dorothy’s Garden’.

Not only did Harry loved the coffee and those delicious chocolate chip cookies but he also loved the whole setting of this coffee shop. The shop is situated a little out of the main city, blocking it from the usual buzz of people and bumper-to-bumper traffic. The entrance is lined with flowers of different kinds. The path leading to the front, glass door is hidden from the sky by green, giant vines of Virginia creepers.

Harry was introduced to this place by Mitch when they were writing songs. Mitch had spent time in the coffee shop before because the owner of the shop, Dorothy, was his cousin. Harry soon grew fond of this place. It provided him the right amount of focus and calmness to pen his feelings in the form of verses.

Harry pushed the glass door open, the attached bell dinging, announcing the entrance of a customer. Dorothy emerged from the kitchen which was hidden, to attend to her customer, “Ah… I was expect-”, her sentence is cut “Harry!”, she shrieked and hopped a little, like an excited fan, her excitement telling her that she wasn’t expecting him. She wasted no time in opening the small door separating the counter from the shop and pulled him in for a hug. He hugged her back. Her blonde hair is shorter than last time. One thing that is always different in the woman he has arms around. But some things that don’t change is her attire, love for him and the warmth of her hug.  

“Well, g'morning to you too Dotty,” she detached herself from him, looking up at him. “I wasn’t expecting you, like at all,” she waved her hand. “ Yes, I can see that from all the shrieking you did right there,” he mimicked her, “And the fact that you said you were expecting someone, while clearly, it was not me.”

“Oh, that’s Y/N. She’s my new customer. Usually, come around this time. I was preparing her order but, now I guess I had to make another one.”, she smiles at him.

“So, you’re earlier than usual in this visit.”, she says, as she stands with her back to the counter.

“Wow, so now you count how many times I visit, huh?”, he teased her, arms crossing on his chest. “I mean, yeah I do sometimes when I miss you. But, see here’s the thing, last time you visited me with a gap of a month was when you had a break-up with tha’ Kardashian chick.”, she air-quoted.

Harry laughed at her comment. She gestured towards the nearby table and he took a seat. She, on the other hand, took a wiping cloth and initiated mission 'cleaning the tables’, she did double clean always once in the morning after the opening and one after closing. She started from the one Harry was sitting on. There was no one in the shop except him and Dotty, he blamed that on the early time and due to the fact that it was Saturday otherwise, she was always snowed under a lot of work.

“First off, she’s a Jenner.”, he raised his index finger, “and secondly, her name is Kendall.”, he raised his middle finger along with index, “ and thirdly”, he sighed,  “ I don’t wanna say it.”, he spoke slowly, “but you’re right, I had a break-up.”, he pursed his lips together. Dorothy’s eyes widened. “Bad one.”, he added. It’s not like she didn’t try, she tried her damndest, but she gave up, laughing hard.

He rolled his eyes. “Okay stop. Like I’m so upset!”, he exclaimed, slapping his palm on the table lightly. She took deep breaths and at last stopped her high-pitched laugh. She moved across the tables and sat on the chair right beside him. He was pouting slightly. She smiled at him.

“Okay, I was seriously joking.”, she leaned against the back of the chair, “What’s the bird’s name?”, she asked him.

“Camille.”, he sighed heavily, “She was a blonde too.”, he says flatly

“Was she? Never heard of her. Seriously.”, she spotted dirt on her side of the table and wiped it quickly, “ Wait! by stating that she’s blonde you wanna tell me that my theory is correct?”, she asked enthusiastically.

“Well, yeah I guess.”, he says, “I mean, I’m still a good friend with Kendall.”

“And she wasn’t a blonde.”, you point out.

“Exactly. But, Taylor, Cara, and Camille are all blonde and well.”, he sighs, “they all ended up drastically.”

“Well I can’t tell you to stop dating blondes, But really Take. A. Break.. ”, she said, stressing each word. “It’ll be difficult to keep tha’ in your pants.”, Harry looks down at his crotch instinctively, “ I know it’ll be hard. But, you gotta do it.”, she teases him.

“Stop that!”

“You!”, she point at him, Stop whining. It'll be alright don't you worry, okay?, he nods his head. 

“Good! now let’s get to business. Should I bring you your espresso with thick forth and those creepy ingredients you love?”, she scrunches her nose.“ Hey!”, he tries to act offended.

Dotty opens the small door without waiting for an answer because one year of staying with a dork that Harry is, is enough to know a simple answer from him. She enters the kitchen while Harry pulls his phone out of the pocket to see some messages from producers who are working with him on his second album.

***

You are usually accompanied by your friend to Dotty’s but today she didn’t come so you decided to go on your own. Your mother tried to stop you but failed. You knew she cared about you that’s why she didn’t let you go alone. But it wasn’t helping matters. In fact, it was making you more sheepish, whiny and lazy. All the traits you hated.

When you were a child, you hated it. Hated the darkness always surrounding you. It was everywhere. By the time you turned a teenager, you realized it’s not about the light in eyes, it’s about the light inside hearts. All the bullying and teasing for sole reason of lacking a sense. The thing you have no control over, made you stronger. Stronger than other women of your age and now at the age of twenty-three, It doesn’t even matter. You just let the whisper blow in the wind.

You take a hold of the cool, metal handle and push the hard door open. The difference in the air is mesmerizing you. Harry’s attention is diverted when you enter the shop. He is watching you as you take a deep breath. The cane in your hand and the certain way your eyes move showing him that you’re blind.

Usually, Amanda, your friend would make the order and let you sit but today it was different. You come to a halt when your cane is blocked by a hard surface. Taking this as a cue, you call Dorothy in a slow voice. “Is anyone there? Dorothy?”, you ask. When you lack a sense, all the pressure comes to your other senses. You can’t see but, this makes your hearing strong. Stronger than an average person. It’s strange but it also makes you able to feel presence, if someone is staring at you.

“Um… hey, are you Y/N?”, a deep, male voice comes from just a few feet distance startling you a little. You whip your head in the voice’s direction getting the hint that he was probably the one staring at you.

“Yes, I am.”, You’re certain that you’ve never introduces yourself to that voice but, you’re also certain you’ve heard this voice before. The deep, husky voice seeming oddly familiar to you. Like… Like you’ve heard this voice a thousand times before in the form of a record. And it hits you.

“Are you… Harry Styles?”, You asked hesitantly.

Harry lets out a quiet laugh. He can’t believe you recognized him without seeing him, not even once. But, then maybe you can see and the cane was not for you to use.

“Um… yeah I thought you can’t see”, he stops himself and covers his mouth with his hands but the words already tumbled out. He looks at you with wide eyes and quickly tries to compose a response that is more appropriate.

“Shit! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”, he apologized.

“It’s okay. It happens. But I can hear you, right?”, you put on a smile to let him know that it was okay, that you didn’t mind it, not even the slightest.

He replied with a small, sad “yes”. “Just on time!”, you heard Dorothy’s voice echoing, “How are you?”, she asked before she pulled you in for a hug and then took you to the nearest table. You think it is the table where Harry is sat because you can feel his presence. “I’m fine Dorothy. What about you?”

"Never better. By the way, Where is Amanda? Not in the scene right now.", She asks.

"Oh, she was sleeping. So, I didn't woke her up."

Dorothy looks at Harry, smiling seeing him watch you speak.

She introduces you to Harry and asked if you’ve listened his ‘boring’ album to which he probably reacted in some ‘unnoticeable’ way because you can hear a grunt from him. “His album isn’t boring Dotty. It is one of the best from our type of generation who has no taste in music.”, you praised him and it’s not like you are trying to gain brownie points in front of him or that you’re his fan because you’re none. You’ve never even heard about him but, your friend was his fan. So, when she bought the album and played it, you can’t help but see how genuine his music really was.

“Thanks. It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”, Harry speaks. He extends his hand, a normal habit, he guesses. He waits until Dorothy picks your hand and places it until it is in Harry’s hand. Realization hits him like a truck that you cant see him. He makes a mental note to keep it glued in his mind for future. Although he is pretty much sure there will be no future.

You take his hand shaking it slightly. It felt as if chills ran down your spine. The simple feeling of his soft hands upon yours felt different, so different from the other men you’ve ever touched. It felt right. A small gasp left your lips and despite it being small, Harry notices it and smiles to himself. Not only does he notice the gasp but, he also notices how your cheeks turned rosy pink after just a slight contact. He is shocked by your reaction to him, wondering if it is normal.

Although, his shocking is cut-short with your reply of, “Pleasure is all mine, Mr. Styles.” He suppressed a laugh.

“Oh no, please call me Harry.”, he insists. Harry is sure he has never seen a pair of more beautiful eyes. He loved the way your eyes moved, saddened to realize that they can’t see the world. Saddened that despite being there, they provided you no light.

“I’m sorry for being extra late today in bringing you coffee.”, Dorothy apologized, before handing you a steaming coffee cup.

“No, it’s alright.”, you say and Harry mutters a small thank you, most probably to Dorothy. “Hey Y/N, why don’t you do that feeling thing on Harry you did with me the other day?”, Dorothy shocks you before taking a sip from her cup.

“Um…no, I don’t think so. It’s not necessary, I… I can hear him”, you shift uncomfortably on your seat. You can’t do that on him because he already feels different. You felt different when you touched his hand, you can’t fathom the feeling of touching his face.

“Oh c’mon. It’s okay.”, Dorothy huffs, dragging the ‘okay’ a little longer.

“What ‘feeling thing’?”, Harry asks curiously, his interest is piqued.

“Oh… didn’t I told you before, she touches ones face to feel how they look.”, Dorothy wriggles her eyebrows at Harry. “Really?”, he is pretty much sure he already wants that, “Yeah isn’t it cool. I mean it’s helpful for her.”

You can practically feel the heat radiating off your cheeks. You don’t want to do it but, at the same time, you do. You hesitantly nod your head when she begs you to do it.

You raise your free hands in the air towards him. At first, they just roam in the air but then Harry takes a hold of your wrists and direct them to his own face. You let your fingertips graze his forehead. His skin is soft but clammy due to perspiration. You move your fingers further down his eyebrows, letting them fall on his eyelids as he closes his eyes upon touching, you graze down to his cheekbones but stop when they fall on his upper lip, he instinctively wets his dry lips. The tips of your fingers drag on his lips which are slightly wet. His lower lip, broader than the upper one and soft. So soft. His beath fan across your tips which you gently move down. Ending the journey at his chin, you lift your hands from his face.  

Harry's breathing is erratic and he is trying to control it by taking a deep breath. He is trying his best but, right now he desperately wants to shout or moan or just do something in order to relieve some of his pent-up frustration. He is pretty sure no one has ever touched him so smoothly yet, carefully and it was just that; an innocent touch yet, he felt its effect down to his bones. He can’t help but remember that your fingers had just stopped at his eyes and lips a tad bit longer. His heart is still beating way too fast and he is curious about yours. Curious, whether yours is beating like that too.

A voice of clearing throat pulls him out of his fantasy. He looks around and notices that Dorothy is standing behind the station and his co-worker has now arrived. They are preparing drinks for several people who are sitting on various tables. "Did you say something?", he asks you as there is no one else who will clear their throat to get his attention.

"Yes. What is your eye color Harry?", you were almost afraid to ask but, you did at last. You just wanted to complete the feeling as there was just no image. What is even an image?He didn’t respond when you asked for the first time so, you just cleared your throat.

"Green.", he replies. Green must be a beautiful colour that is why a man whose soft like him got it. You're sure you don't even need eyes to tell that he is in fact handsome. A kind of handsome that people call hot. You nod your head indicating him that you understand, but clearly didn’t. To you green, blue, white, orange all are same. They are all colors. The only difference is the name. But, only for you.

You take the last sip from your cup and place it down. "Are you a student?", he asks timidly.

"No, I'm an ASL teacher at a deaf school.", you tell him. You can call yourself lucky in that sense. When you tell other people who are blind, they are shocked because most of them remained jobless for a long time. Job opportunities are scarce for people like you.   

Harry is sure his eyes will pop out of there sockets. "What?", he is baffled by your response.

" ASL stands for-”

“I know what it stands for. I’m just… shocked.”

“Why is everyone response is surprised when I tell them I'm a sign-language teacher?", you laugh.

"I mean… it is a surprise.", he smooths his hair from his forehead, "Like… you can't see and you teach children who can't hear. It's just…", he sighs. He's clearly shocked to see a woman like you. So powerful and headstrong. He was even more astonished when he hears your response to what he said. How can one do so much for her community and be humble about it? Harry wondered. He took the time to admire your beauty and he only knew you for a short time though it seemed like hours had already passed.  To him, it's endearing and is encouraging him to know you more. More than already. He is pretty sure that he will stick more than one mental note for future reference.

"It's what Harry?", you ask him again.

"It's endearing Y/N. It's bloody amazing."

***

Share with me what you think about Loving Blindly, here!

[youspoketome]

My Favorite Albums of 2018

I tried something new this year. All year long, every time I bought a new album I added it to a note on my phone as a list so that I could adjust the order as needed. Some things settled into their order quickly, but a couple spots went down to the wire. Embarrassingly, I was just looking at my 2015 list and six albums on that list were the previous albums by six of the bands on this list, and one was a solo album by the singer of a seventh band listed here. I'm not quite sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. And that seems like a long enough introduction, so here we go!

Murder By Death - THE OTHER SHORE

Honestly, I thought Murder By Death was finished having albums on top of my best of lists. I had been so disappointed in GOOD MORNING, MAGPIE. That album had like two good songs, but the rest was at best forgettable filler and at worst sounded like a parody of themselves. The two albums since then had definitely been better, but still not at the levels of their earlier albums. Enter THE OTHER SHORE: an incredible return to the long form concept album following a story of love and dying planets in a western in space. It's full of catchy hooks without ever being clichè, small character moments and big, world-ending finishes. Best of all, it's got ripping 2-minute long cello solos. This is peak Murder By Death right here.

mewithoutYou - [UNTITLED]

mewithoutYou is another band I've loved for years, but thought was coming off of a weaker album. I enjoyed PALE HORSES (it made my top ten list the year it came out), but it didn't have anything that really grabbed me and made it a necessary part of the mwY canon. [UNTITLED] immediately feels important. It's not the most easily accessable album, but when have mewithoutYou ever been accessable? This is an album that has layers that you can appreciate as you dig down to them on further listens. Over the years mwY's sound has evolved from the heavier hollerin' of [A->B] LIFE and CATCH FOR US THE FOXES to the completely clean and folky IT'S ALL CRAZY... and back again. [UNTITLED] really blends things together by taking the heaviness from early albums and adding them in for flavor rather than building the songs around them, giving the songs depth and intensity. For my money, it's their best album since BROTHER, SISTER. Still waiting on that album/EP collector's edition to ship though, so no pictures.

Gregory Alan Isakov - EVENING MACHINES

I've enjoyed Gregory Alan Isakov's previous albums of folky songs fit for sitting on the front porch at your farm while reading an old book, but whenever I'd see him live my favorite song was always the non-album track "Liars" and I'd always wish he'd record it. That song seemed darker than anything else he'd written and had this slow build to an epic climax that almost gave you chills. He finally did record it on his studio album with the Colorado Symphony in 2016 and then he followed that up with his most eclectic album yet. From the soft and haunting opener "Berth," all the way to the end, EVENING MACHINES expands on what Isakov is willing to do, keeping that same welcoming, mellow feel, but getting there in new ways and with new instruments. "Caves" captures that darkness "Liars" had in a way that is wholly satisfying to me. It feels like he wrote the album I didn't even realize I had been wanting him to write all along.

Emery - EVE

I've always enjoyed Emery, but it wasn't until their last album YOU WERE NEVER ALONE when they broke the album down song by song on a behind the scenes podcast that I fully appreciated them as musicians. Unlike a lot of bands that came out at the same time in the same genre, Emery is a band with multiple members who have actually studied how music works and can point out and name every single time signature and key change in every song. Now with EVE, I've been able to listen to the little details, noticing and appreciating the attention they give to every little part of each song. The way they don't add the screamed vocal at this part of the song because that seems to obvious, so they save it for when it'll be more striking. How they add the harmonies and layer the vocals. Some bands with that kind of background forget how to write a catchy song or what makes a song enjoyable to listen to, but Emery has this ability to perfectly blend this crazy musicianship with honest, straight from the gut songwriting. The end result is an album full of fantastic songs with awesome little parts and details that make it special and stand out.

Thrice - PALMS

For me (and a lot of people, I think) Thrice and Thursday have always been kind of linked. I discovered them at the same time, both on their second albums. They were post-hardcore bands, similar enough sounding to compare to each other and they both started experimenting with their sound on their fourth albums. Then they both announced they were breaking up within a day of each other. The weird thing is when I first discovered them, I preferred Thursday hands down. Then they both released their third albums and cemented my opinions of them, so much so that I decided not to buy Thrice's fourth album when it came out. Man, that was a huge mistake. That fourth album, VHEISSU was the album when Thrice hit their stride, expanding and exploring their sound with each release since then. Each of their post-reunion albums have continued this trend and PALMS might be their best full album yet.

Frank Turner - BE MORE KIND

To be honest, I'm surprised this album is this far down. If you had me rank my expected best albums of the year list at the beginning of the year, Frank Turner with have been number one with a bullet. But BE MORE KIND was not the album I was expecting, and I was a little let down by it. That I'm saying that my number 6 album of the year was a bit of a let down should tell you how highly I think of Frank Turner. It starts off strong with the mellow opener of "Don't Worry" followed by a full on banger in "1933." But the third track "Little Changes" just didn't hit for me. It seemed like Frank Turner dumbed down for the masses. And it's not that it's too poppy; I enjoy myself a good pop song. It's just that the songwriting seems so simple. There are a number of really good songs throughout the rest of the album (like "Blackout"), but the overarching feel for me is that it's too simplistic, there's no depth to any of the songwriting. All that said, it's hard to rag too much on it because how can you bash an album that's sole message is to be kind and positive and to treat other people decently? Maybe it's that message that made him lose his teeth. In summation, I like Frank Turner a lot, even when he's disappointing me.

Smoking Popes - INTO THE AGONY

INTO THE AGONY is the Smoking Popes first album in seven years. They were putting out albums more frequently than that while they were broken up! After being broken up from 1999-2005, the Popes returned with STAY DOWN, which was not the strongest album to come back on. It was mostly a downer and ended up being completely forgettable for me. This time, upon returning from a seven year album cycle with new album they've knocked it out of the park. It's upbeat and catchy, it's slow and meaningful, it features Josh Caterer's soaring vocals, and it's another fantastic entry into the catalog.

Death Cab For Cutie - THANK YOU FOR TODAY

I think Death Cab's existence as a band is better broken up into stages. You've got the pre-TRANSATLANTICISM era, the TRANS/PLANS era, NARROW/CODES, and now KINTSUGI/THANK YOU. TRANS/PLANS is my favorite era. It's where I discovered Death Cab, it's where I spend the most time with them, it's just the best. But after a bit of a dip there for a couple albums (not saying they were bad, it was just a dip), I felt like KINTSUGI was a step back up, and now THANK YOU FOR TODAY continues in the same vein. It's a more electronic/synthy sound than previous eras, which sets it apart from their highest peaks, so you're not just constantly comparing it to something they'll probably never reattain. I really enjoy where this era is taking them.

Alkaline Trio - IS THIS THING CURSED?

This past summer I decided to give Alkaline Trio's AGONY & IRONY a listen for the first time in I don't know how long. Everyone agrees Alkaline Trio used to be good and then got less good, and I agree, but that specific album was for me the low point, mostly because of "Love Love Kiss Kiss." But then this weird thing happened: I really enjoyed it. Even that song, which is still doofy, wasn't as bad as I remembered. I was so bummed out about it at the time, but that album has some really good songs on it. Even at their lowest point, I still really like Alkaline Trio. IS THIS THING CURSED? is a new Alkaline Trio album. It's got Matt songs, it's got Dan songs, it's got one Dan song that kind of too doofy (Little Help?), it strangely has multiple song titles that end in question marks, and it has an acoustic closer featuring Matt's scratchy-voiced wailing. This is another solid Alkaline Trio album.

The Decemberists - I'LL BE YOUR GIRL

Every year at the same time, all of the baseball websites post their top prospects lists, where they rank the upcoming minor league players in all of baseball or on each team individually, so people can get excited about the next wave of baseball All-Stars. In almost all of these lists you've got your top five or six guys who are clearly the best players in that team's minor league system in that order, but then at about number seven they kind of become interchangeable for a while. You could switch prospect #8 with #12 and no one would cause too much of a ruckus because they're all pretty similar at that point. We've reached that point in my best albums list (really, we reached that point with Alkaline Trio). These final couple spots could have also gone to 6666 by Four Fists, 9 by Saves The Day, KIDS SEE GHOSTS, or if I was in the right mood, even the new MXPX or the Matthew Thiessen solo album. What pushed I'LL BE YOUR GIRL across the line was (a) my wife's incredulousness at my mentioning it might not make the cut and (b) the fact that "Once In My Life" and "Everything Is Awful" have full-on been our anthem songs this past month. This is the Decemberists doing what they do. Folky songs about sea monsters, horse gallop rhythms, and cowboy sing-alongs. Throw in some synth lines to keep things fresh and baby, you've got a stew going.