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imaginedxlan · 3 years

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Miscommunication Pt. 2 (Neville Longbottom)

a/n: YALL my heart I am so overwhelmed by the love on part one! I didn’t really know how my ~transition~ into a multi-fandom account would be received and I am so happy you guys liked it! Literally only three of you commented that you wanted a part 2 but those three of you have my heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Without further adieu, here is part 2 (not gonna lie i gave myself butterflies writing this why am I so single ouch)

Now that Pansy is in on your little secret, it makes holding in your crush on a certain Gryffindor that much harder. However, confessing might just bring more harm to the already troubled boy.

y/l/n= your last name

Warning(s): cursing, feeling extremely lonely and single, ending is pure fluff

Part 1

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After that day in the library, you find yourself even more preoccupied in your thoughts of Neville Longbottom. It doesn’t make it any easier now that your roommate is aware of your soft spot for the boy, now that she constantly asks when you’ll be professing your love for him. Part of you thinks Pansy is so overjoyed about the news because she can be certain that with a crush like Neville, you’d never want anything to do with Malfoy, at least romantically.

You also find yourself much more nervous than you could have ever imagined. This is the only time you’ve ever doubted being sorted into Slytherin. A crush on arguably the most tormented boy in school yet still terrified to come out and say anything about it. While you were afraid of the possible rejection that could come from a girl like you telling such a timid boy that you’ve liked him for the past year, your heart aches at the thought of what your friends would do if they found out. Confessing your feelings would open up a world of trouble for the boy, one that you would be responsible for.

“Merlin, y/n, are you still contemplating whether or not to tell him?” Pansy asks as she busts into your dorm. Per her last outburst, it isn’t unusual for her to make big entrances. “I never thought I’d see the day where y/n y/l/n was afraid to tell a Gryffindor anything, especially that she had a crush on him. What happened to when you used to bully Potter when he got an answer wrong in potions?”

“That’s different and you know it, Pans!” You groan, throwing a pillow from your bed and toward her. Bullying Potter and making snide remarks toward Granger was different than this. You never really cared for that trio, but you do care for Neville. The thought of him feeling so uncomfortable with you that he would just remove himself from your life altogether was too much for your newly sappy heart to bear. “Can’t I just go on pretending I don’t like the boy?”

Pansy rolls her eyes, her answer obviously being no. She doesn’t understand. For her to tell Malfoy that she’s interested in him wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, you practically spend every waking moment with Malfoy, you spend no time with Neville outside the library and herbology. To just bring up your previous pining for him would be overwhelming to say the least. Not to mention it would spread like wildfire, the only reason Pansy has kept her mouth shut for this long is because she doesn’t want to ruin the romantic novel she’s created in her head about how this will work out.

“Obviously you cannot pretend you don’t like him you absolute idiot.” She scolds you, a hint of laughter in her voice. “I’ll go straight to the gargoyles and tell them right now if you don’t decide to tell the boy by tomorrow.”

By gargoyles, she meant Crabbe and Goyle, a nickname you two came up for them a few years ago. The two were known to bully poor Neville, it would be worse than telling Draco or Blaise directly.

“Pansy!” You shout, moaning over the unfairness. As much as you wish she was bluffing, you know Pansy too well to underestimate her need to get what she wants. “Fine, tell me how you would do it.”

A smile creeps on her face, knowing she had won this fight. She begins to relay exactly what she’s been dreaming of since you told her about your secret crush. Pansy revels in your imaginary relationship, knowing she’ll never get this type of affectionate and epic confession of feelings from Malfoy. She tells you to grab him tomorrow after dinner, catching him off guard but most likely in a good mood because, as she says, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Take him all the way down to the greenhouse so you won’t be interrupted and plant a big, fat, wet kiss on him. You roll your eyes at that last part, never imagining being so bold in a moment like that. While you didn’t necessarily want to tell him the very next day, knowing full well you needed weeks to prepare for this, you also didn’t want to play with the possibility of Crabbe and Goyle beating the absolute piss out of Longbottom when Pansy tells them.

You spend the whole next day with your mind racing, nervously fidgeting with your hands and robes. Pansy notices your unrest and knows you’re actually going through with this. You can hardly pay attention in your favorite class, so worked up over the thought of Neville’s face when you tell him, also wishing you two took potions together so you could have some idea if his feelings toward you based on his amortentia. But alas, all you could smell was plants, flowers, and a woman’s perfume, knowing it was him, without a clue of what the boy would smell in the love potion.

Just as you walk to dinner, walking with your usual crew of Pansy, Malfoy, Blaise, Theo and the gargoyles, your eyes meet the boy who makes your heart leap out of your chest. You can’t help but smile at him, wearing his little sweater and all. How he ended up being your type will never make sense to you. Just as he smiles back at you, making your heart melt, Crabbe and Goyle knock into either side of him making him stumble.

“What’s so funny Longbottom?” One of them taunts, to be honest, half the time you can’t tell their voices apart.

“Knock it off!” You snap at the two before they’re able to harass the boy any further, smacking them both on the backs of their heads. As the two wince you turn around to look at Neville to mouth a Sorry. He just gives you a weak smile before turning in to make his way to Gryffindor table. Your heart sinks, he’ll never like you while you’re associated with such idiots. Pansy nudges your shoulder, giving you a concerned look and you simply shake your head at her, not wanting to get into it.

You spend most of dinner gazing toward the Gryffindors, careful not to get caught making eyes at the dark haired boy. Even the way he simply enjoyed a meal was entrancing to you. How he laughed with his friends, what he looked like to listen intently, then proceed to go off on a tangent of whatever his heart desired. Your heart ached for him, and as much as you wanted to protect him from the, at times, horrible boys sitting next to you, you needed to be selfish. You needed to at least give yourself the chance to be happy with someone like Neville. If all goes to shit, you can always go back to Zabini to get your mind off any sort of rejection you’re about to face.

As dinner comes to an end, you grab Pansy’s hand and squeeze it tight, letting her know it was time. She gives you a reassuring smile before pressing her lips to the back of your hand and whispering a good luck. You rush past your friends, ignoring their questions of where you were off to. You’re able to catch up with the pack of Gryffindors walking toward their common room, tapping the man of the hour on his shoulder, having to get on the tops of your toes to do so. He turns around, confused before recognizing your face.

“Can I speak with you?” You ask. It comes out more timid than you expect, making you want to crawl into a hole and hide for the next year. He stops to fully turn toward you, his friends stopping beside him, looking at you odd. “Sorry, I meant just you.”

“Oh, sure.” He replies, just as nervous around you as always. His friends give him the same look they gave you, but he just nods for them to go ahead without him. “What did you want to talk about?”

You look around you, scared your housemates would see you had pulled Neville aside and create chaos around you. “Not here.” You say, grabbing his hand in yours to pull him away from the crowd of students leaving from the great hall. Your hand burns against his, affected by even the slightest touch from him. As you walk further from the crowd and outside in the cold evening air, your heart begins to pound in your chest. You pull him into the courtyard, bringing back memories of when Draco was turned into a ferret in this very spot, and finally take a seat under the large tree.

He sits across from you, you drop his hand and immediately go to toy with the edge of your skirt. You pull your bottom lips between your teeth and finally meet his gaze, a look of confusion and slight fear gracing his features. “I’m confused, y/n.” He begins, looking away from you for a moment. “Should I be worried.”

“No!” You immediately reply, pulling his attention back to you following your overly enthusiastic answer. The more you think about, he might have to be worried, what with your friends and all. “Well, maybe a little, but not at the moment.”

“You really have a way of saying things without really saying anything.” He muses, rubbing his hands together. Merlin, he’s probably cold. He’ll never be able to reciprocate your feelings in such conditions. “Why’d you bring me outside, y/n?”

You take a deep breath, knowing this is your one shot to tell the boy how you feel before he comes to the conclusion that you’re the weirdo that pulled him outside when the sun had already set to tell him absolutely nothing. “I have to tell you something-”

“I know,” He interrupts. “You said that.”

“Would you let me finish!” You shout, not meaning for it to come off so harsh, but it shuts him up. “Look, Neville. I’ve been thinking about telling you this for a long time, but I could never quite find the courage.”

You take a long pause. He doesn’t dare interrupt you again, just looks at you with anticipation of what information you’ve been keeping from him. You begin playing with your uniform again, searching for any distraction from what you’re about to say. “I never thought I could feel like way about someone, honest. I’ve had these kinds of feelings toward other people, but never like this, you know?”

You look to him again, your words obviously not resonating with him as he’s kept the same expression since you dragged him outside. “I guess what I’m trying to say is something in me sort of lights up when you’re around. I’ve become addicted to the way you look at me and the way you say my name. My heart skips a beat whenever you smile at me or when you give me that nice look you give when I figure something out while you’re tutoring me. I know this may come as a shock since we don’t talk very much outside of class and tutoring, but I guess that just goes to show the impact you’ve had on me.”

He stays quiet, which only makes you more nervous. If he liked you back surely he would be leaping for joy right now. Instead, he shakes his head before breaking the deafening silence, “This isn’t funny, y/n. You can tell Malfoy or Crabbe or Goyle to come out now, make fun of me like they always do.”

Your heart sinks, of course he would think you’re playing some cruel and heartless trick on him, just for him to be humiliated by the boys you surround yourself with. He looks so upset, so broken. You reach out to grab his hand but he pulls it away.

“This isn’t a joke, Neville. They don’t know I’m here.” You tell him in a soft voice, but you know it’s no use, you’re too deeply associated with such hatred. Theres only one more thing you could possible think of to convince him of your feelings. “I smelled you in my amortentia, I swear I did. Plants, flowers and a woman’s perfume, it smelled sweet like maybe of roses and vanilla. I know you probably don’t believe me, I understand that you don’t, but Neville I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

It’s quiet again, you can hear your heart racing, accepting the impending rejection thats only moments away. You close your eyes to keep any sort of tears in when you feel his hand grasp yours. “You smelled my Mum’s perfume.”

Is all he says. You open your eyes to meet his gaze, confused by his words. He speaks up again. “I don’t understand, y/n. All I’ve ever been to you is a means to pass herbology, how could you possibly smell me in your amortentia? You just described my mother’s perfume, I’ve never told anyone what that smells like.”

“Because that’s not all you’ve been to me.” You reply, not letting go of his hand, the same burning feeling accompanying his touch. “At the beginning, yes, you were my only way to pass. But as time went on, I found myself so drawn to you, hanging on your every word about your beloved plants. When you saw Pansy and I staring at you in the library the other day that was because I had just told her I liked you, as more than just someone to help me pass.”

You can almost see the gears turning in his mind as everything begins to fall into place for him. You become painfully aware that he has yet to make any sort of statement about you one way or another, giving you absolutely nothing to expect when it comes to what he’ll say next. “I don’t understand how someone like you could like someone like me.”

“Someone like you?” You ask, partly hurt by his words. “Neville, if you’re wondering how I could like someone thats kind, considerate, passionate, funny and handsome, I’m not really sure how to explain that to you if you don’t already understand.”

Even in the darkness, the two of you only lit by the faint light of the moon, you can see his cheeks go red, which makes you smile. Almost everything he does makes you smile, you couldn’t imagine another person making you feel this way.

“Y/n, you don’t know how long I’ve dreamt of hearing anything like that come out of your mouth.” He confesses quietly, almost whispering. He begins to run his thumb over your knuckles, your heart fluttering with his actions. “I thought you were to most beautiful girl in this world the moment I laid eyes on you in first year, I still do. When Professor Sprout came to me and told me you needed help with herbology, I swore Godric was doing me a favor, only some form of miracle could have let me be around you so often. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why an angel like you could somehow feel the same way about me as I do you, but I trust you, y/n. I don’t trust a lot of people.”

Your heart is pounding, finally hearing the words your mind has been begging to hear for months. His his hand still in yours, you shift forward on your knees to inch your face closer to his. He doesn’t back away, he doesn’t protest, he simply takes his hand that isn’t interlocked with yours and brings it to your cheek. You breath hitches in your throat as your foreheads press together, not daring to look into his green eyes, fearing you’ll fumble over your next actions. Without a second thought, you dip your head down to catch his lips in yours. His hand moves further back into your hair as the other stays intertwined with yours, planted on his lap. You half expected him to sit still as your lips moved against him, but they move together in sync like they were always meant to meet. After a short while you pull away, trying to catch your breath. With your foreheads still touching, you can feel his staggered breath against yours. Slowly you sit back on your heels again, unclasping your hand from his. You stand in your spot and lean down to press your lips to his forehead, then lift his chin to place a soft kiss against his lips.

“Goodnight, Neville.” You say quietly after you pull your lips away from his again, unable to contain your smile. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.” He repeats. He doesn’t follow you out of the courtyard, he stays in his seated position, leaning on his hands behind him. Once you’re out of earshot he looks up to the stars to say, “Whoever just made that happen, thank you.”

You float back to the dungeon, not even feeling the usual cold air of the common room. When you open your dorm door, Pansy immediately shoots up from her bed to catch a glimpse of the moony look on your face.

“Y/n?” She calls, making you slowly turn your head to look at her. “Tell me what happened.”

You walk toward her bed, taking a seat next to her before laying back to stare at the ceiling, the smile never fading from your face. You bring your fingers up to touch your lips, still feeling his on yours. “I kissed him.”

Pansy squeals, laying back next to you and nudging and poking you in every which way, making you giggled next to her. Living this moment in pure bliss. “Well what did he say?”

“It doesn’t even matter,” You reply, wanting to keep that moment you spent with Neville sacred between the two of you. “He likes me too.”

You don’t sleep that night, spending the next hours gushing to your roommate about his smile and the shape of his lips against yours and the feeling of your fingers intertwined. You both have early classes the next morning but you didn’t care, you’re completely and perfectly content.

tags:

@huffledor-able541 @si1v3rpho3n1x

@pastanest

#neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom #gryffindor imagines #slytherin x gryffindor #harry potter imagine #harry potter #slytherin imagines #draco malfoy #neville x reader #pansy parkinson #herbology #blaise zabini

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gumnut-logic · 3 years

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Fanfiction 21 Q&A Tag Game

Many thanks to @cg29 and @onereyofstarlight for the tags ::hugs::

1. What fandoms have you written for?

According to FF.net: Stargate SG-1, Knight Rider, Farscape, Stargate Atlantis, Supernatural, Star Trek: The Original Series, Angel and Thunderbirds.

2. How many works do you have on Ao3 &/or FFNet?

Ao3: 214 (210 Thunderbirds)

FF.net: 235 (178 Thunderbirds)

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or favs on FFNet?

Ao3 Kudos:

Gumnut’s Thunderbirds Ficlet Collection (161)

Who do You Save, John? (107)

Dirt (106)

FFNet Favs:

The Asgard Sequence (SG-1) (150) – this fic is 17 years old

Spectator (ST:TOS) (73)

The Empty Chessboard (ST:TOS) (50)

Highest Thunderbirds fic is A Good Day (36)

4. Which 3 fics have the least kudos & favs?

Ao3:

Tactics (4)

To Raise Havoc (5)

Gumnut’s were!Virgil AU ficlets (6)

FFNet:

Gumnut’s Angel Ficlet collection (0)

Gumnut’s Supernatural Ficlet Collection (0)

Stars (SG-1) (0)

Lowest Thunderbirds fic is Gumnut’s wereVirgil AU ficlets (1)

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

This stat will always be skewed by the multi-chapter fics and wonderful peeps comment on each of the chapters.

Ao3 Comment Threads:

Gumnut’s Thunderbirds Ficlet Collection (164) followed by We’ll Be Home For Christmas (79) both of which have more comments than kudos, apparently.

12 fics have 0 comments

FFNet:

The Asgard Sequence (SG-1)(133) followed by Tales of Warm Rain (105)

11 fics have 1 review, 0 have none (wow).

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

I am grateful for any and all kind interaction with my fics. One thing I did eye was the difference between Callisto and Where There Be Dragons. Callisto is an experiment on my part and has received some amazing support from Thunderfam. However, I feel my writing hasn’t been as inspired (or crazy) or posted fast enough to garner and keep attention. The Steampunk AU grabbed much more attention, had zero planning, was written fast and on the fly and grabbed almost the same amount of attention. The Promotions Coordinator in me is curious about these things :D

7. Have you written any crossovers?

Only one. I wanted to put Virgil behind the wheel of Kitt from Knight Rider. Eos and Kitt were having very interesting interactions as well :D I really Need Saving

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

Um…there have been a few. From Tracy brothers dancing to Tom Jones, the time a drunk Scott and Virgil tried to save a cat from a tree, hospitalising Virgil because of Grandma’s chilli, and the time I jammed Thunderbird One in the pool, but my favourite has to be Prank War. It was so much fun. I’ve linked all the nutty fics together in a series on Ao3.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

The saddest endings are all my WiPs! I don’t tend to do much in the way of sad endings. Sad fics, yes, endings, not so much. Having said that, I’m blaming @godsliltippy for Leaf on the Wind.

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I don’t have a clue, but I am partial to the end of Dirt. I got to flex Tracy money muscle…a lot :D

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

I experimented in this arena during my Virgil/Kayo writing spree with varying success. There is about five I think in total, including the novel length Gentle Rain (which can be read without it, wasn’t planned and just happened), but I think the most successful was To Hurt Us (aka Veggie’s Shower Fic).

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Very, very rarely. I did receive one review once that complained about how many unfinished fics I had – that more were unfinished than finished. This triggered me a bit as this is an ongoing problem of mine and I struggle to focus long enough to complete works. Having said that I have completed several, for me, long fics, my longest being 68,000 words. Also, as a result of that and my distressed post about it (yeah, triggered, what can I say?) I received some amazing support both on and off Tumblr. Thunderfam rocks!

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

I am seriously spoilt by Thunderfam on a regular basis, there have been many comments that have lifted my spirits, inspired me and just made my day so much better. Again, Thunderfam rock!

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I’m jaded, so I wouldn’t be surprised. But one thing I actually like is when some random thing I threw into a fic pops up in fanon :D

15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

I’m not counting. I refuse :P

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Not looking. I can’t hear you. Lalalalalalala!

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

All of them. Yes, I am deluded. But to start is fun, to finish is ecstasy.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Several. I don’t have as much time as I would like. My muse is fickle and I have to learn to let go, or face muse crippling stress.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

None. I don’t rewrite. Don’t have the patience or motivation.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

We’ll Be Home For Christmas for multiple reasons, but I also love V.T. Green (and want to write sequels for both)

21. What’s your total published word count?

Ao3: 1,079,768

FF.net: 1,392,681

If someone is brand new to your writing, what work would you want them to start with to get to know you, your style, what you’re all about?

My two favourite fics, maybe? Though admittedly my writing can be rather variable and inconsistent. Anyone got any suggestions which of my fics demonstrates my style?

Other answers to this tag game (because the post is massively long):

cg29, burningcowboyhoagietaco, gaviiadastra, the-original-sineater, myladykayo, janetm74, m-calculus, onereyofstarlight, godsliltippy

Tagging: @tsarinatorment @scribbles97 @the-lady-razorsharp @vegetacide

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderfam #meme

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bogkeep · 3 years

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hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on... there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

#rambles #i wrote this for me and theres no obligation to read it

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rpbetter · 3 years

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I often see multis post that they want to make a new muse, at the same time as they're backed up on threads and asks, and they get their followers to "enable" them to make that muse in the post replies. What is your take on this? Is it a they-can-do-what-they-want situation, or is it reasonable to be annoyed when I see this? Or both?

Hey, Anon!

Both.

I mean, as usual, this is my opinion of an opinion-based matter. This isn't an equation that has an objectively right to wrong scale, it isn't actually hurting any living person or thing. But...it is incredibly annoying and can be hurtful.

They can totally do what they want, and much of the nature of genuine creativity is exactly that - the allowance of doing whatever you so desire. It's something I support rather adamantly, but it's also something I support trying our best to do responsibly and without being hurtful to anyone in a hobby that involves more than ourselves.

This isn't deciding to write another fic when you've not finished the previous four or five that others were interested in, or never finishing any of your original fiction, but continually starting new projects. While others might be enjoying those things as well, you didn't agree to interact with them. They're audience members, not participants.

When others are participants in a hobby that has to work both ways, it's different. Your actions do affect other, real human beings.

So, I totally feel like you've a right to be annoyed every time you see that happening. I do. I tend to unfollow people who do that repeatedly, as we're not pursuing the hobby in the same way. I'll argue all day that someone has a right to their, sometimes literally, eighty-plus muses they never develop or stick to, but that doesn't mean I want to engage with them as a writing partner.

For those of us who want long-term writing partners with the same, well-developed muses, this kind of thing just is annoying. As is everything else that comes with it.

As in...

They're constantly posting "talk me out of adding x" as code for "talk me into writing x."

No one actually wants to be talked out of it, which was probably more obvious to everyone else here than it was me for a little while lmao I tend to take things rather literally. This was, as one can imagine, not appreciated! Telling someone in total earnestness, "I really don't think that's a good choice. You're always saying how overwhelmed you are and just dropped multiple threads yesterday, so adding another muse is going to make you feel worse eventually. Don't do it! :)" is so not what they were looking for. As was evident by the return meltdown over how they could do what they wanted, like I said they couldn't or had any authority over what they're doing with their time.

It's an obnoxious bit of pandering for a foregone conclusion.

Have you ever seen anyone who posts that sort of thing not pick up that muse? I haven't. I've only seen muns who are legitimately on the fence about it asking others in private conversations or testing out the muse decide against it. The thing that makes this incredibly irritating is the attention-seeking and need to validate something they must know isn't a great choice, otherwise, they'd just do it. They're aware that they're behind on drafts, asks, and other things - aware that this is maybe a dick move when they owe everyone already. So, they're seeking "permission" with full knowledge that multiple mutuals are going to hop on that post with encouragement, even some of the ones being messed over by this choice.

It puts people in a bad situation.

Some of those people genuinely don't care, they just want to interact with any muse, and I'm going to be awful and say it - they don't care about totally interchangeable muses and have them themselves. That's fine, this isn't a problem for them. It is for the mutuals who are hoping that maybe if their writing partner gets into this new muse, they'll get a reply to their threads with that energy, or that they'll stick to this one and they can have consistent interactions with them. It is for the mutuals who feel pressured to respond positively because they fear not responding at all will make them seem like bad rpers.

One more thing playing into the counter logic excuse for shitty behavior of "it's just a hobby" is one more thing too many, and it does exactly that.

No one wants to be accused of being remotely too invested in RP anymore, of taking it too seriously, or having any emotional investment in muses, stories, or muns. Not accepting every choice someone makes that negatively impacts you with a grin on your face while you dump confetti on them for it just isn't a comfortable option for a lot of muns anymore. Honesty isn't a comfortable option. While the other option isn't either, it seems better than that mutual noticing you're the only writing partner who didn't hop onto that post with support any of the multiple times they reblogged it. It's only a hobby in which everyone can do what they want until what one wants clashes. Then, you're getting a callout for being addicted to RP.

And the way it tends to clash most is in having expectations of others. Ones that would be totally normal in any other hobby requiring interaction with other people.

Like not overburdening yourself at the expense not only of yourself but those on your "team." That's what is being done when someone knows they cannot keep up with themselves, but continues to add to the situation with new muses.

Not only are you no longer getting responses already while they're intending to add even more to their overflowing plate, you'll be dropped again when they have to "fresh start" their blog because they're burned out.

I have to put that in quotations because I don't know how it's a fresh start when you keep everything but the blog layout the same. All the muses and all the behaviors, including adding a new one despite not having the time or interest necessary to do so, is inevitably maintaining the problems that led to burnout. Dropping every thread, changing the URL, a new blog layout, new aesthetics, isn't fixing the issue even if it temporarily reinvigorates the mun.

The mun is definitely doing things that are not helpful to them, it's stressful and upsetting to experience burnout, but it's at least that mun's choice. Both to do it and to become defensive over fixing it, thus, never fixing it. It isn't anyone else's choice to be repeatedly dropped or ignored, though...unless they just keep sticking around for it.

Again, we're supposed to respect everyone's choices. That's fine when it really works that way, when it is truly everyone. But it's not an acceptable decision to see a multimuse of twenty or more muses and say that's your limit, that you've experienced too many muns who are serial muse-adders not being able to keep up with themselves, so you don't interact with these blogs. If one feels that way, they had better not put it in their rules or ever be upfront about this as a reason, when one is demanded, for not following back or interacting.

It's not acceptable to see a writing partner adding another muse after they've owed you for months, just wiped their inbox, and keep expressing being overwhelmed/behind and become annoyed. Let alone dropping them or explaining to them why you are doing so.

The only "acceptable" course of action is hoping that they totally forget you exist so you can quietly slip away.

I don't feel like that's especially fair or mature. It certainly isn't helping the communication problem we absolutely do have here in the RPC when only one party is allowed to communicate without fear of being labeled, rather ironically, as a bad RP partner.

While this problem seems to be most prevalent in more casual RPers, it's certainly not isolated there. I feel like it's necessary to say that I've had muns I both interacted with and were simply on my dash alike who were not on that more casual side who went from being multis to being muse collectors. Once they hit over fifteen of them or so, they stopped even bothering to try to refrain from picking up at least one muse from every new piece of media they consumed or were inspired by.

It was more annoying because they had been capable of writing truly unique characters they stuck to, and even if they were, with full and upfront admission before interaction, slower to respond, those responses were well worth any wait for the quality of writing and storytelling going on. That's so much worse than someone who was always at a lower skill level as a writer, didn't have a good grasp on characterization, and wasn't especially dedicated to anything. It's depressing and disappointing, but it's also not what you think you're getting into when trying to carefully pick who to write with. Like everyone else, my time to enjoy this hobby is far from twenty-four-seven as well. It's important to me to try to choose muns I'll work out with well so that neither of us is wasting the other's time. And that's what it feels like - the investment of time was a waste because their hobby became adding infinite muses, or rather, the idea of muses.

So, yes, while it is fully everyone's right to write what and how they want to (even if it amounts to not writing at all), it'd be nice if we were all as committed to doing so in a way that was adult enough to respect commitments we've made to each other as we are, as a RPC, to losing our minds when someone merely drops the words "commitments" or "respect."

For the inevitable muse-collectors running across this:

Fiction is inspiring! That doesn't mean you needn't be inspired by anything, just that picking up or creating a whole other muse might not be the best way to follow this inspiration.

If you're considering another muse, but you find yourself already behind and/or overwhelmed? Try one of these instead:

create a plot based on it! Write up the idea and put it in your wanted plots/wishlist tag. Bring it up to partners you think might be interested in it as well, or seek out a crossover from that fandom

make it a new verse for an existing muse! This is as close as you get to creating a new muse without actually doing so, and in many ways, it takes even more creativity. How is your muse different in this AU than they are in canon, how are they the same? In the ways that they are the same, what similar events but done in a way that is natural/logical to this universe have happened to maintain that? Get really creative!

for either/both of these, make some moodboards and aesthetics with that energy while you're waiting on someone to take you up on these new things. Answer some HC asks or tag games using your new verse, or write an independent HC for the verse or plot

talk to writing partners who already love that muse about their new verse/your desired plot! No, not pressuring talk, just normal conversation between friends, but maybe they will be interested in starting a thread

simply be inspired to include some aspect of what you liked in an existent thread. A particular scene you could pull ideas from, the overall mood of a film, or the way something was written in a book - include that in your replies somehow! RP is creative writing, be creative

There are so many, honestly more organic, directions to take inspiration than bluntly adding a new muse. Especially when you're already overburdened, not holding up your end of replies, and/or not able to portray each muse as their own character properly.

Sometimes, it's not just not a great idea to add a whole new muse, and that's alright. There seems to be a serious problem with fomo going on with this whole issue, too. You're not going to miss out if you do not immediately add this character to your multi, and you're never going to fully keep up with what is trending anyway. Do it because you still want to write this muse in four months instead, they're obviously not going anywhere if that's the case, and they'll be a better developed, interesting portrayal for that.

And people do have a right to be annoyed when they feel sidelined by you seeing a shiny object and repeatedly pandering for validation in dropping them for it. Particularly if you're a mun who, further, expects everyone to be just as interested in every new muse you make as the last. As in, you're annoyed when you keep creating muses no one is falling over themselves to interact with, guilting, shaming, or outright demanding that this new muse is interacted with before they have access to the previous ones.

They don't have a right to be mean you to, but they have a right to be annoyed and to drop you. They even have a right to politely decline explaining this to you if they feel unsafe, or to politely explain it to you before they move on.

Absolutely everyone's right to pursue RP and every facet of it as they so please, but no one else has to like what you're doing.

If this response grates on some of you out there? Consider the other options you have, how you might be making others feel, and that it's actually completely okay to tell yourself no. You won't perish if you tell yourself no to taking on a new muse when you, honestly, should not! It'll be okay! Maybe, you just need to evaluate if there is another muse, or more than one, you should remove before adding one. Maybe, you just need some time to reorganize how you reply before you add this one. "No" when told to yourself can simply mean "no, not right now, it isn't a good time/situation."

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice #muse hoarding #burnout

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fire-lady-ilah · 3 years

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Thank you to @theboyfrommakapu for the tag! Post under the read more.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

26 total (although I think I have 2 or 3 that I either orphaned or deleted, can’t remember) on uhmeduh.

Oh, and 2 on another account I made specifically for my bad 10 year old me’s fanfics. No, you don’t get that one.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

126 862. Which is, frankly, more than I thought. I think it’s grown quite a bit in 2021, to be fair.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

7, according to AO3. One is an original work, so I guess 6? Except Far Cry 4 and 5 are considered different by AO3, as are Persona 2 and 5. I personally consider it like 4 or 5 fandoms.

A:TLA— 20 fics

Persona 2 & 5— 1 fic (crossover between the two)

Far Cry 4 & 5— 1 fic (crossover between the two)

PJO and related fandoms— 3 fics

Original Work— 1 fic

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Silence is a Virtue — 191 kudos

2. sometimes you’re born evil (sometimes you’re not) — 149 kudos

3. In Which Ajay Just Wants a Vacation — 91 kudos

4. musings of a common man — 75 kudos

5. Lost. [tied with] undercurrent — 37 kudos each

Silence is a Virtue and IWAJWAV are both multi chapter fics at 23.6k and 19.2k, respectively. sybe (syn), moacm, and undercurrent are all part of the same series of short fics and range from 4.4k (unfinished) to 7k. Lost. is a theoretical first chapter of a multi chapter fic. 4/6 fics are ATLA, 1 is Far Cry, 1 is PJO.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yeah! I used to not because I’m incredibly awkward about it, but when I started commenting on fics myself and realized how nice it is when the author replies, I started doing it myself. I really enjoy recognizing regular commenters. I just need to stop talking so much about worldbuilding and hinting at stuff in my replies, I think ^^’.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hm. Probably either what is a legacy to a dead man (it is worth far more to those still living) or Shattered Porcelain. The former is most likely more angsty to readers, but the latter holds a special place in my mind because I know my OCs intimately well.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most of them, to be honest. I am, at my core, a fluff writer, even if I also enjoy throwing in sprinkles of angst every so often. The entire the dragon king series is going to end pretty happy if it goes according to plan. If I had to pick a finished fic then probably Apricot Blossoms— it’s just sweet kids in love, you barely notice the darkness on the horizon.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Kinda? Sorta? Not really? Two of my published fics are crossovers but they’re like, crossovers within the same extended fandom.

Oh, wait, that one fic I wrote and published when I was 11 was a weird Harry Potter and mild Avengers crossover. So yeah, I guess.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really, no. I occupy a pretty niche area in all the fandoms I write in, so you kind of have to search out the content I make. I’m also not popular at all in the grand scheme of things, which I’m mildly thankful for. I have some popular fic writers as friends and I see some of their commenters sometimes.

10) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I guess? It’s not something I make a habit of, I just in general am not that horny, but I have one published smutfic on AO3 and a ficlet on Tumblr that, if it isn’t really classified as smutc definitely is close. The smut I write is pretty soft and loving and is exclusively LuZhao so far.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. If someone wants to I’m all for it, and theoretically I could translate my own fics into two other languages, but if there isn’t a demand there wouldn’t be much purpose other than me practicing. Who knows though, maybe one of my fics on my account will show up translated into French or Norwegian by me. Or maybe Russian, but that would be an effort. My Russian... isn’t great.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Currently (kinda, fixing my laptop has made it take a hot second) co-writing an OC centric fic with @theboyfrommakapu. I also betaread two of @izzymrdb’s fics, and she called me their coauthor in a comment once so... I guess that counts? I also had plans to make a massive crossover with my own fic and two of my friends but then I fell out of PJO and into ATLA pretty hard.

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

LuZhao, definitely. I’ve just created enough stuff around it to make it my favourite. I’m also quite fond of Jastavian in the realm of PJO.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I fully intend to finish my two main multichapter fics eventually, but I doubt I’ll ever finish Butterfly Kisses. Especially to the extent I have it in my mind.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Uh... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe worldbuilding within an established world? I actually prefer AUs to canon compliance, but when I want something to be canon compliant then I will make sure that it is as fully canon compliant as possible (or, to the extent that canon doesn’t contradict itself). For example, at the moment all of my OCs are completely canon compliant. If I somehow were asked to publish them, they would not contradict any existing work. I put a lot of work into my OCs and worldbuilding and it definitely shows.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

If you asked my girlfriend? My paragraphs are too long and I don’t know how to use commas. She’s right about that, of course.

If you asked me? I’d probably say something a little more vague. I’m bad at the whole “communicating just enough” aspect of writing (and of life). I tend to get absorbed by my worldbuilding and want to tell everyone every little detail, which makes no sense because you don’t need to know it for the fic’s promises.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

So long as a translation is provided, I see no issue if it’s accurate. One of my first fandoms was Hetalia so... yeah.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I’m not sure if it was Harry Potter, Sherlock, or Hetalia. But it was definitely one of those three and I was about 10 when I wrote it.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Surprisingly I haven’t mentioned it so far, but solntse moye / luna moya. Azulon and Ilah have a relationship I really like, and they both have such distinct inner voices.

Tagging:

@percabeth4life @izzymrdb @crookedmouth-mountainbones @ohmygodtheywereparabatai (I know you write on Tumblr so this would be hard, but consider it another request for you to post your stuff on AO3 ❤️) @thetruecthulhu9 @ariya-167

#tag game #my writing #angie writes

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refinedbuffoonery · 3 years

Text

Flawless (2)

masterlist.

Content Warning: swearing, violence, sex, PTSD

I’m really proud of this chapter. It’s some of my best work, maybe ever. Also, in case you missed, this fic will be updated every Sunday, so check back in next weekend for chapter three!

*****

“So,” Riley began as she dropped her arm-load of overflowing paper grocery bags on her slate gray granite kitchen counter. Mercifully, the feds hadn’t connected Riley to any of her aliases after her arrest, so her overpriced Santa Monica penthouse apartment was exactly as she left it.

Well, not exactly the same. After Riley’s arrest, Nikki had thrown out all her food and hung up the laundry Riley had left in a pile on her bedroom floor. She’d also paid Riley’s bills, which led to a whole argument in the grocery store that Riley knew they’d be rehashing later.

“If Leanna’s out, then we need a new member,” Riley said. “Otherwise we’ll have to rename the team ‘Four Eyes,’ and I’m not about to do that.”

Nikki snickered, haphazardly unloading groceries into the fridge. “Why not? You’re a nerd. It’s fitting.”

“Bold words for the only one of us who wears glasses.”

“They’re blue light glasses, you asshole. My vision is just fine.”

Riley gave her a shit-eating grin. Whatever you say.

Putting the groceries away took forever; Riley bought way more food than any one person needed. She couldn’t wipe Nikki’s disapproving face from her mind—the one that accompanied comments about Riley being too skinny. Nikki was just looking out for her, she knew, but that didn’t make Riley hate the scrutiny any less.

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Riley asked, “Do you have anyone in mind?” To replace Leanna, she didn’t need to say. Nikki chewed her lower lip nervously. “Who is it, Nik?”

“It’s a long shot, but this girl I work with. Jill Morgan.”

Riley frowned. “We don’t need a third techie.”

“She’s not that.” Riley raised an eyebrow. “I mean, she is, but Jill is nothing compared to you or me,” Nikki quickly corrected. “Before she got the IT job, Jill worked for LAPD as a forensic analyst.”

“I’m listening.”

“Apparently she is one of the best in all of SoCal, but LAPD fired her after someone caught her using evidence from a closed case to conduct research for the crime novel she’s writing. No police department would touch her after that, so she managed to swing the IT job in the most bullshit interview I’ve ever sat in on.” Nikki crossed her arms. “Jill obviously didn’t know how to do half the things she said she did, but she managed to convince our boss otherwise.”

“And let me guess.” Riley leaned on the counter. “You were so impressed with her ability to lie that you took her under your wing and taught her everything you know.”

Nikki grimaced. “Yeah.”

Barely stifling a snort, Riley said, “You never could resist a liar.” A low blow, considering the fate of her most recent relationship, but Nikki laughed it off.

“Want to meet her?”

Riley wasn’t sure this Jill girl would fill Leanna’s shoes, but if Nikki thought she had potential, then Riley had to give her the benefit of the doubt. For now, at least.

“Sure. I just have something I need to do first.”

*****

To his credit, the man standing before her wasn’t a coward, but Riley didn’t miss the slight tremor in his voice or the way he flinched every time she moved. He was short—she had a couple inches on him in her high-heeled boots—and dressed like a Hollywood film industry wannabe. Judging by the film equipment stashed in the adjacent living room, he was one.

“Remind me of your name again,” Riley purred, leaning against the kitchen counter. Cleaning non-existent dirt from under her nails with a butcher knife, she looked like a female James Bond villain, with her sleek high-ponytail and dressed in black leather leggings and a tight, black tank top.

The man had been busy cooking dinner when she’d broken into the house, and Riley delighted in the way he cowered against the sink, brandishing a vegetable peeler as if he thought he could actually land a hit on her.

The old Riley would’ve worried about the man trying to attack her in some shoddy attempt at self-defense. The new Riley simply gave him an icy, feline smile to remind him of his place.

Maybe prison had been good for something after all.

She kept toying with the man, knowing full well what his name was. “Brian?” she mused. “Boxer?”

“Bozer,” the man said through gritted teeth. He had a white-knuckled grip on the sink’s edge, and Riley did her best not to sneer at the alcohol label stickers covering the stainless steel—perhaps the only decor choice trashier than the empty bottles lining the windowsill like a frat house. How Leanna could stand to date a man whose house looked like he majored in partying was beyond Riley. She certainly wouldn’t.

“Right,” she said.

Riley hadn’t expected Leanna to still live in LA after remaking her identity, and she was correct. According to her classified CIA file, Leanna had a nice apartment in Virginia, with a short twenty minute commute to Langley every day. Imagine Riley’s surprise when the file also disclosed Leanna had a long-distance boyfriend, right here in LA.

What Riley still didn’t understand was how a millennial could afford a house in the Hollywood Hills, but that was beside the point.

A little more digging through the CIA’s heavily encrypted files revealed orders sending Leanna to the City of Angels for two weeks to assist another agency. The orders failed to mention which one.

So, Riley waited for her friend, terrifying her clueless boyfriend to pass the time.

“What are you making?”

Bozer glared at her, pressing his full lips together. He was attractive enough, although he wasn’t Riley’s type. He seemed a little too domestic for her taste.

She chastised, “There’s no need to look at me like that, Bozer. I don’t bite.”

“Says the woman holding a freshly-sharpened knife.”

Riley examined the blade, gently brushing her thumb over it to confirm Bozer’s statement. “A sharp knife is a good thing, actually. Sharp knives make clean cuts.” Bozer’s throat bobbed under the intensity of her gaze. “It’s the dull ones you have to worry about.”

Before she could torment him any more, Riley heard the unmistakable sound of tumblers rolling over and the front door opening. A familiar voice called out, “Baby, I’m home!” Riley set the knife down and turned to greet her friend.

She noticed the physical changes immediately. Leanna’s hair was a lighter shade of brown than before. She had bangs now. Her posture was stiffer, more uptight, and Riley could just see hints of well-defined muscle beneath her friend’s navy pantsuit.

Upon seeing Riley, Leanna stopped dead in her tracks, eyes blown wide in surprise. “What are you doing here?” It sounded more like a threat than a question.

“No ‘Hi’? ‘How are you?’ ‘I missed you’?” Riley placed her hand on her chest in mock offense.

“You—” Leanna started. Her eyes flicked to her boyfriend, then back to Riley. He doesn’t know anything, the look said. “Let’s talk outside.” Without another word, Leanna gripped Riley’s elbow and led her through the back door.

The balmy night air smelled like jasmine and rotted oranges, and crickets harmonized above the distant hum of freeway traffic. Instead of having a backyard, a multi-level wooden deck spanned the entire backside of the house. Beyond the deck lay a wall of bushes and a sweeping view of downtown. Again, Riley thought there was no way a millennial could afford a house like this. Unless...was there more to Leanna’s boyfriend than met the eye?

“I know what you’re thinking,” Leanna said, leaning on the railing. Riley tried to catch her gaze to no avail. Leanna’s eyes were firmly on the city lights to the south. “Bozer is a normal guy. Harmless. The house belongs to his roommate, and the mortgage was paid off long ago when his roommate’s grandpa lived in it.”

The lingering hope that Leanna might not be as clean as Nikki suggested dwindled by the minute. Riley gave up on trying to meet her eye.

“How long have you been out?”

“Two days.”

“That’s...good.”

Riley hated how awkward this was. Once, Leanna had been her closest confidant. Now she couldn’t feel farther away.

“Did you enjoy terrorizing my boyfriend?” Leanna asked, mercifully lightening the mood. A small smile curved Riley’s lips.

“I started cleaning my nails with a knife so I’d look more intimidating, and he nearly shit his pants.”

Genuine laughter bubbled from Leanna’s throat. It was infectious, and within seconds Riley giggled too. It was almost enough to make her forget why she was here in the first place.

Almost.

Riley decided to just bite the bullet and get it over with. She spoke in a low, tentative voice. “Why’d you leave, Leanna?” Riley watched Leanna’s chest expand and collapse as she sighed deeply. She waited, giving Leanna time to think through her answer.

After a long pause, her friend finally said, “You, actually.”

“Me?”

“Watching that was one of the worst moments of my life.” Leanna kept her wording vague, in case her boyfriend was listening, but Riley didn’t need to ask what the ‘that’ referred to. That haunted Riley’s every waking moment for the last two years. “I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Not when that was the cost.”

Riley furrowed her brow, not quite believing. “And yet your current job is better?”

Leanna laughed bitterly. “You got me there.” She ducked her head. “In all honesty though, it is different. I’m not close to my coworkers like I was to you.”

Was. Past tense. Riley frowned at the implications of that.

“You could come back, you know.”

Leanna scoffed. “Let me guess, Nikki found someone to replace me because you cooked up a new job, and now you’re here to drag me back just so you don’t have to deal with a weak link. Sound about right?” Riley pressed her lips into a thin line, refusing to dignify that with a response. “I’m done with that part of my life, Riley. And you should be too.”

“Agree to disagree.” Just like that, the last flickering bit of hope inside Riley was extinguished. “It was nice to see you again, Leanna,” she said softly. “I’ll show myself out.”

She made it as far as the stairs leading down into the house when Leanna called out, “Where?”

Riley offered her friend a sad smile. “Paris. Just like we always talked about.”

*****

The next day, Riley met Nikki and their new recruit for lunch at one of the sketchiest taco shops LA had to offer. They were already there when Riley arrived, standing in line to order and looking incredibly out of place in their nice business clothes. Nikki and the new girl were about the same height, and both wore their blonde hair in loose waves, but the new girl had wider hips and her shoulders caved in slightly, as if she were trying to make herself smaller.

Riley silently walked up behind them, grinning. “How’s it going?” The new girl jumped, glasses sliding down her nose. Nikki smirked, unfazed.

In fact, she didn’t even bother taking her eyes off the ridiculously extensive menu as she chastised, “Play nice, Riles.”

Even though Nikki couldn’t see her, Riley rolled her eyes anyway. “You’re no fun.”

The new girl watched Riley with apprehension. Jill. Her name was Jill.

Riley extended a hand. “I’m Riley.”

“Jill,” she squeaked. Her grip was feather-light as they shook hands. She’s shy, Riley noted. Shy wasn’t a good trait in a criminal.

Neither was jumping to conclusions, however. Riley had promised to give Jill a fair shot, and that meant taking time to get to know her.

Riley let the blondes go first before ordering a California burrito for herself. There were only two booths—every good taco place was the size of a broom closet, after all—and Nikki led them to the one further from the entrance. She and Jill sat on one side, while Riley slid into the other, her back to the door. Riley couldn’t remember a time she and Nikki didn’t do that—sitting on opposite sides of the table, one facing each exit, just in case.

She doubted anyone would come after them in a dingy taco shop, but slipping into old habits brought a calming sense of normalcy Riley loathed to admit she needed.

“So,” Riley addressed Jill directly. “Did Nikki fill you in on what we do?”

“A bit, yes.” Jill’s eyes flicked around the room warily. Riley wished Leanna or Cage were there to psychoanalyze her. Jill was clearly nervous, but she didn’t seem afraid. Confidence Riley could teach. What Jill needed to prove was that she could hold her own against some of the biggest egos in the Western Hemisphere.

Present company definitely included.

“Good,” Riley said. “I want to be very clear on something. We are not Robin Hood. We do it for the adrenaline and the money.” Riley’s gaze flicked to the thousand-dollar watch on Nikki’s left wrist. “Although, none of us need the money anymore.”

“Then why don’t you get your adrenaline fix somewhere else?” Jill questioned bravely. “Maybe pick up skydiving.” There it was—the spark Riley was looking for.

“We all have our own deeper, more personal reasons. But me?” Riley leaned closer. “I do it just to see if I can.”

“One day, you’re going to be caught. You know that right?”

Riley’s stomach dropped. It seemed Nikki had left out some key information. Riley forced herself to grin as she said, “Maybe, but that day isn’t today.” The cashier called out their order number, and Riley retrieved their food before launching into her interrogation. “What I need to know now is what you can do for me.” She consumed her burrito in classless, ravenous bites, uncaring what Jill thought of her table manners. Each bite tasted like heaven.

Jill’s eyebrow twitched, that spark flaring up again. “How would you like to never leave a fingerprint ever again?” She casually bit into her taco.

“And how would I do that?” Riley probed. Nikki’s attention flicked between the two, observing, listening.

Not even bothering to swallow her food first, Jill said, “I’ve met plenty of your type before—” Riley took note of her careful use of innuendo— “and I’m not dumb enough to give away that kind of information for free. If you want it that badly, you’ll pay me.”

Riley pocketed that key detail for later. “Out of curiosity, what would you use the money for?”

“Paying off my student loans.”

Riley nodded. She’d never gone to college, but she had the utmost respect for anyone who drowned themselves in debt for the sake of an education. In addition to that, Jill was smart, not easily swindled, and responsible—all traits Riley was looking for.

The bell tied to the restaurant door jingled when it opened, letting in a hot gust of summer air. Two men entered; one was about Riley’s age, with blonde surfer hair. The other was older—fifty maybe—and he scanned the room the same way she’d seen Desi do a million times, but it was the blonde one Riley focused on as he froze, eyes locking on the women.

More specifically, on Nikki.

“Time to go,” Nikki warned. She shoved Jill out of her seat and dragged her toward the back door. In their haste, Nikki and Jill left their remaining tacos on the table, but Riley clutched her half-eaten burrito as she ran after them.

For the moment, Riley didn’t care who these men were. All she cared about was getting them off her tail.

She paid no mind to the cook shouting as she hauled ass through the kitchen. Riley spied an apron hanging off a doorknob, and an idea clicked into place. She grabbed it, turned on the gas stove, and held the fabric in the flames until it ignited. The blonde man skidded around the corner. Riley threw the flaming apron, and her feet carried her away before it even hit him.

Nikki and Jill were already out the back door and waiting in the alley when Riley caught up.

“You two didn’t happen to drive here, did you?” Nikki and Jill shook their heads.

Jill asked, “Did you?”

Riley shot Nikki a glare that could’ve curdled milk. “I would’ve, if someone hadn’t put my car in storage and then been too lazy to get it back. But noooooooooo, I had to take an Uber.”

“Shut up,” Nikki growled at the same time Jill questioned, “Storage?”

Ignoring Jill’s glaring lack of information, Riley grimaced. “Then I guess we’re running.” She took off down the alley, Nikki and Jill at her heels. Over her shoulder, Riley said, “I really hope I’m wrong here, but was that who I think it was?”

Nikki groaned. “Unfortunately.”

“Is someone going to fill me in?”

“My ex.”

“Oh.”

Before they even reached the main street, both Riley and Nikki had broken a sweat, but Jill kept pace alongside them like it was nothing—wearing stilettos, no less.

Perhaps Riley had underestimated Jill.

Shouting erupted behind them. The men were closing the distance between them, despite the blonde one being too busy fiddling with something in his hands to watch where he was going. The three women ran faster.

“What the hell is he doing?” Riley hissed.

“You know how we hack computers? He hacks everything else.”

A bullet pinged off the alley wall. “Perfect.”

The main street wasn’t as crowded as Riley had hoped. There was far too little coverage to hide from...whatever these men were. Nikki had some explaining to do when they got home.

They ran one block before another alley divided the storefronts. First glancing over her shoulder to ensure the men hadn’t turned the corner on the main road yet, Riley pulled her companions into the alley. It was empty aside from a large, faded black dumpster. Riley’s stomach churned at what she was about to suggest, but now was not the time to be picky about solutions.

“In the dumpster,” she ordered. “Now.”

Nikki and Jill made pained faces, but neither argued. They tossed Jill in first, then Riley gave Nikki a boost. Yanking her phone from her back pocket, Riley quickly opened a FaceTime call with Nikki and hid her phone beneath the dumpster before climbing inside and closing the lid over their heads.

The women waited in silence.

The smell was nauseating, and trash bags squished under Riley’s combat boots. Her boots were going directly in the trash when she got home, favorite pair be damned. She might very well toss her cutoff jean shorts and tank top too. Any article of clothing that touched garbage fluid was not going on her body ever again.

Nikki dutifully studied their makeshift security camera feed. The dumpster muffled outside sounds too much for Riley to listen for the heavy footsteps of their pursuers. Jill mercifully knew to refrain from making any sort of noise. At least she won’t get us killed, Riley thought.

When Nikki finally signaled that the coast was clear, Riley breathed a deep sigh of relief she immediately regretted. Gagging, she desperately shoved the dumpster lid open and clawed her way to fresh air, doing her best not to vomit. She’d already sacrificed the uneaten half of her burrito to the dumpster. Riley wasn’t about to give up the half she’d already swallowed too.

Nikki wasn’t so lucky.

Jill held back her coworker’s hair, rubbing her back in smooth circles. She didn’t seem affected by the smell at all. When she noticed Riley starting, Jill explained, “I’ve dug through dumpsters filled with half-decomposed bodies. A plain old trash dumpster is nothing.”

Riley could only nod and offer her a queasy half-smile.

Retrieving her phone, she called Desi and begged the woman to pick them up, conveniently leaving out the part about the dumpster. When she was done, Riley turned to Jill. “I want you on my team. Take the rest of the day off from work and think about my offer. There’s a team meeting at my apartment tonight. If you’re in, have Nikki pick you up on her way. The choice is yours.”

#beth writes #flawless au #macgyver #riley davis #nikki carpenter #leanna martin #desiree nguyen #samantha cage #jill morgan #macgyver fanfiction

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electricea-archive · 3 years

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MUNDAY DASH GAME?

——— BASICS! ♡

NAME! ♡ - Jassi.

PRONOUNS! ♡ - She/Her - I also don’t really mind if people refer to me as They/Them.

ZODIAC SIGN! ♡ - My birthday’s an awkward day for Zodiac signs - some sources will swear I’m a Saggittarius, others will insist Scorpio.

TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡ - Single.

——— THREE FACTS! ♡

1! ♡ - I write poems and short stories in my short time. I’m looking in to possibly getting some published.

2! ♡ - When I worked at a pet store as a work placement for a college program, the employees there gave us dog associations - mine was a Basset Hound.

3! ♡ - I’m rediscovering my flair for my 90′s childhood - I love anything from that era, like Tamagotchis, gel pens - any old toys from that era like the little Poo-chi dogs. 90′s pop music is even my guilty pleasure. I just love the 90′s and everything associated with it.

——— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡ - I mostly use Tumblr but I’m looking to use Discord more in the future. When I was really really young I did make accounts for Gaia Online and Livejournal but I never ended up using them for roleplaying. I’ve heard of some people using LINE and while I did make an account, I’ve yet to use it myself. Up until about a year or so ago, I had a Skype account that I would use to keep in touch with other muns - it never got to roleplaying on Skype and given Skype’s format (from what I remember of it) I don’t think that I would have cared for it much. I also used to roleplay on Bulbagarden Forums as a teenager.

But uh yeah, long story short - Tumblr and Discord.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡

FEMALE, MALE OR NONBINARY! ♡ - I find that I just usually gravitate towards male muses. Don’t really know why.

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡ - Multi-ship - I could never tie myself down to only ever writing one ship with one person. Getting to ship and write with so many different muns is just such a rewarding experience.

FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡ - I usually like fluff, especially if it’s more slice of life stuff. Angst can be rewarding and fun to write but I find that I have to be in a certain headspace for it and sometimes I just don’t feel like writing angst.

PLOT / MEMES! ♡ - I like both, personally - I do love brainstorming and plotting with other muns but I can see why plotting would put pressure on the other mun to come up with an idea or follow a predetermined plot, two things that are completely understandable. Memes, in my experience tend to be much better icebreakers and if someone sends you one that you don’t agree with or makes you uncomfortable, you can just delete it and move on to the next.

TAGGED BY! ♡ - Taken from @chronicparagon.

TAGGING! ♡ -Take this from me!

#( ooc. )

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lgcmax · 4 years

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hellooooo my legacy loves !! i hope life’s been treating you all well ! i know right now things are still pretty difficult ( as been all of 2020 tbh ), so i just wanted to flood the dash w a little positivity !! you know, sometimes i feel bad because it seems that i can’t connect with everyone as much as i’d like, and it sucks !! but between my spotty activity at times and bad response times i didn’t want you to think i loved you all any less. so !!! below you will find a love letter to all of you lovely muns as well as some individual comments about my favorite thing about your muses everybody ! also, if you have lgc friends who aren’t really dash scrollers feel free to share this with them so that they can see !! anyways, go ahead and enjoy 😇💖

dear legacy,

okay - let me start by saying - i care for you sooooo so much !! and that goes for ALL of you reading this !! even if we’ve never talked, or you just joined, or we talk like every other month but never seem to catch each other at the right time ? i care for you !!! and don’t you ever forget it. honestly, legay is one of the healthiest places i’ve been in to develop my muse in a safe space, void of any judgement or just weird vibes. and that has to do with all of you, and i’d like to thank you for that !! our mods, of course, get a special hug for all that you guys do - i know that things can get hard, and we test your patience sometimes ... i get it !! but to us, you’re kinda like our rp parents ?? we might nag, joke, and annoy but it’s all out of love, we promise ahaha !! anywho, once again everyone i’ve met in legacy, has no lie been so special to me ?? and i want you guys to know that !! literally all of you, even if it was just a quick message, have made an imprint on the great rp experience i’ve had here and i’d like to thank you for that ! and no this isn’t me leaving, i promise i’m gonna stick around for a loong time to come ahaha. but honestly, who would’ve thought ? i was bouncing around from rp to rp, and i didn’t recall, if i’m being hoenst, expect anything to come out of me giving this place a shot for the 2nd time ? but i’m so grateful to have gotten such a wonderful experience that made me not want to leave. there’s always things to do, muses to meet, and it’s crazy how well everyone keeps the dash flowing ! i’m always excited to look at what you and your muses are up too, and honestly i’m lowkey invested in all their little relationships lol ?? but that’s what makes this place so special ! the friendships, the enemies, the romance, and everything in between has made this into such a unique writing atmosphere to be a part of. so for that, i say thank you. and here’s to more legacy for years to come !!

now for the special portion of my letter !!! in alphabetical order, you will find a compliment of mine for your muse below !! phew, here i go :

( and pls ... if i forgot u ... i apologize 20000x !! PLEASE tell me lol !! obviously this is for muses who are here at the time of writing this 10/2/2020, and i may update ! but if your muse is here at that time and you don’t see them PLEASE tell me i want to write them something but i might have accidentally deleted someone’s in the process of writing so many ! )

phunsawat kannika first of all i have the fattest crush on her fc ojoijjoioij !! anyways, i love the commitment to all her pages, all her character inspos are my favorite, and i’m really interested to see her adjustment to korea ! i think she’s doing a great job already and will show that she can go even further !

yoon aria i haven’t got to say it yet but i LOVE how much of a meme she is oijoiiooij !! esp since she’s a model, it’s fun to have one who’s this cool model on camera but honestly so real and fun ?? like it gives her so much depth and i’m sure she’ll develop a loyal fanbase of like-minded goofs ? i want her and nari to interact tbh haha !!

lee benji my KING ! i love seeing benji develop his sense of purpose and try to see what he wants to become in the long run, and also how he’s stayed true to himself even after mocing to a whole different country ! and of course, his commitment to caring for others !

pongsak tee i ship jinseo and tee oijojoijoij !!!!!! anywho we love the thai representation, i really have enjoyed seeing tee’s progress over the past few months and how he’s adapting to slowly coming into the starlight ? it seems he’s still managed to maintain his kindness and i really enjoy that about him !

im nari is void because she is my muse but i love her very much hee hee !!

kang eunho first off as i’m writing this i see eunho’s first words for his babysitting solo is him flipping out over how cute babies are and i just think that’s adorable lol. but anywho ! eunho’s such a little sunshine and def gives me baby energy ?? light of my life. he’s like legacy’s daily dose of vitamins !

im bomi hana ... my favorite girl who i’m in love with ojjojjoijioji !! i think hana is so weird and goofy in the BEST ways and she’s an example of someone who’s not a famous girl, but a girl who happened to get famous ? i love her for her quirks and all her uniqueness, gamer girls ftw, 10/10 main character material !

hwang minjun i also love shinha and minjun too lmao !!! they are ... v cute !! i love how warm minjun’s heart is from what i’ve seen, and how open and accepting he is to all types of people and welcomes them to his warm fuzzy heart !!! also i would like to personally thank him for taking max in when they were in tokyo max DOES NOT deserve !

kim jinah ah i love her sm !! i know it sounds like max talking, but i love how she’s basically one of the bros lmao ?? but really ! i love her dually embracing of her cuter side and her more casual one, and how she just seems like the type of person you can have a drink and a good talk with ? and her interactions w junghwan stand out and give her an unexpected soft side !

lee yushin i feel like yushin is the younger brother we all wish we had but don’t deserve !! just a real fresh breath of air, definitely a little goofy but just as sweet ?? has the capability to win over even the coldest muses hearts ! and i am rooting for actor yushin 100%. you got this bud !!!!

kim nami somehow nami always pops up first on my dashboard but i’m not mad about it at all lol !! and i think nami is actually very multi-dimensional ! she already seems pretty sure of where she wants herself to go, and i think she’s going to make a really good senior to mentor junior trainees once she’s debuted for a bit ! she def will come correct !!!

lin yue the way i’m SO invested in guessing what she’s eating but never can .... ahh !! also she loves martial arts which means nari would love her if she knew her uwu. anyways to me she’s quite the baddie, i feel like she’s got her toes dipped in a lot of things and therefore will be very versatile in what she can do ? i really love that ( outside of her outstanding visuals ) she actually has a v good personality and niche interests !

ahn dohwan i have promised myself i wouldn’t put any emphasis on fcs but since vernon is one of my ults i literally have to say: TASTE. anywho lmao !! dohwan gives me cafe boy vibes ?? hear me out. could totally see him making someone a macchiato while listening to their problems and offering advice ? he just seems like a v good listener & adviser ! i think once he debuts for real for real he’s gonna have a lot of bf material made by fans haha !!

leong charlotte first of all i just need to comment i saw a while ago on the dash when charlotte covered i wait and that was ?? iconic ??? we stan ??? streamday6pls ahem anyways ! her being in a band itself makes her an instant baddie, but beyond that she also seems v kind & passionate from what i’ve seen ! she’s got the cute & the fierce, and because of that i think she’ll be fierce competition in the industry once she debuts !

choi max is my muse however as my first bb here i love him deeply heart heart !!

jung ahin i will not lie i did not know seungwoo before i saw ahin, then realized he kinda looked like wonwoo and started to simp ?? IOJOIJOJ anyway this is more of an ooc note but thank u ahin’s mun for bringing me to the light 😇anyways !! i want ahin to do more things to make himself happy bc i think he really is this close to living his best life !! i want something really really good to make him super happy yk ? also i support his english learning journey !

kang jaemin HI ME REALIZING I NEED TO MESSAGE U BACK I’M SORRY SCREECH anyway !! he has a very warm presence, i feel like even when he debuts he’ll be the approachable type ? but also he’s just so smiley and i love it !! such a little fuzzball !! i do feel like more is going on in jaemin’s head than people would think, though ??

lee jaewoo listen jaewoo is my baby ok ... and he’s nari’s too ! also btw did you ever get that birthday text from her own his acc ? anyways i’m going wayy of topic let’s regroup lol !! i honestly admire the level of passion and drive he has so young, and he’s already come so far ? jaewoo has a lot of love in his heart for people and i hope he keeps that even after years of acting ! he truly is the light of lgc agency uwu !

seo yura i feel like yura is v real ! i think she only hides the things she feels are nessescary about herself, but to me she still comess off as really genuine ? it seems she has many types of connections present in her life, which i really like ! i think she’ll do really good at holding her own once it’s time for her official debut and i’m excited to see what’s ahead !

kang jun i think jun doubts himself far more than he realizes just how much he’s capable of !! jun is so adorable and he might hate me for saying that but it is what it is !! i don’t think he’s recognized his true power yet, and though that’s sort of good at humbling him, i think he will be a beast when he becomes fully confident ?? and i believe he will !! i think getting a proper fanbase will show him just how much he can do !

ji haneul okay haneul made it to type zero, so tbh he already has his life together more than half of us ?? IOJOIJOJ no but for real i think haneul is a true ✨professional ✨even if he wouldn’t believe me if i told him ? although HE might not be so confident in it, i think haneul’s growing into his more mature self well and it’ll actually help him in the long run as he starts his journey in the idol industry !

kang jina you know what ? i think jina would be a really good leader in her group, if she were to debut as an idol ! i think she has really good communication skills and seems to just vibe with everyone around her ? which is important, as a leader ! but i also feel like she could lighten the mood and kay down the rules depending on which is needed ? that’s just how i feel ! i think she’d do well <3

seo geonwoo first of his theme is so aesthetically pleasing wow ?? anywho ! i do really enjoy geonwoo and honestly need to pay him more attention ! i honestly respect the fact that he knows his own power, and isn’t afraid to be confident in himself ? he just seems v sure of how he wants to live his life which makes him seem v stable, and def in the right direction ! i think he most often knows whats best for himself, and that’s a really valuable skill to have !

ok miyoung first off i DEFININTELY whole-heartedly ship miyoung and hunji, i do !! 😌 but yes miyoung def has romcom protagonist vibes, and i mean that in the best way possible ?? like she’s got quite a lot of things going on for her simultaneously, all while trying to discover things about herself too ?? i empathize with the level of chaos in her life but i think she’s handling it all very well and it’s exciting to read about !

son nabi nabi my ANGEL. i didn’t even know nabi too well prior to us plotting but now i’m so glad that i do !! she has the kindest heart and is willing to go out of her way, even for people she isn’t that close to, just out of the good of her heart ? and i think that’s so powerful ! she’s so baby and i vow to protect her from all the horrors of the entertainment industry because she’s a prime example of light amongst darkness !

ahn jaehwa you knowww jaehwa’s my girl 😚 i just love her adventurous spirit, and how she definitely is filled with more mischief than she may show on first impression ? i think she can use that to her advantage, and it will translate really well as charisma !! her and max’s first interaction showed me just how much of a daredevil she can be and i love it ! psa, we need to plot again !

lee yohan first of yushina nd yohan’s broken friendship is some .... tea 🍵 i’m intrigued ... really i am !! i kinda wanna give him a massage chair for his birthday because i feel like there really is a lot of internal conflict going on in his head ? def hoping he achieves the dream od getting famous before he’s forced to enlist and drop his dreams, and in return for my support i am expecting free starbucks coffee on him, lol !!

bae nathan i honestly didn’t even realize just how iconic nathan is until we started plotting ? him and max share a lot of similarities, which i love, but beyond that he just is such a real dude who kinda just seems ... ok with being not perfect ? and i enjoy that ! he’s accepting the fact that he makes mistakes and knows that that’s ok. i feel like in the future he’d have a fire podcast ?? like i just feel like it’d be so real and entertaining !

han allie first of all, happy ( belated ? ) birthday to allie !!! second of all, producers in general are always just so interesting to me ? i feel like even though she’s still finding it, allie’s rather focused on creating a sound for herself and making it different ? def has the drive to make her dreams a reality, and i know she’ll do well ! allie, fighting !

kim junghwan i think junghwan has a heart of gold ! he’s good at working with others and def would have nice personality to just sit and talk about life with ! i think he also has a lot of hobbies and interests that are v cute and soft boi, so he’s definitely gonna attract the soft stans !! he’s another person i feel would make great leader material some day. also ship him and jinah all the way 😉

kim alex first off i LOVE luna she is my pride and joy .... i feel v embarrased i think we were supposed to thread and i forgot ! but that beside the point !! i feel like he does have crazy duality ?? at some points it’s like “wow, nice man, pet parent of the year” and other times it’s like “wow this man is wilding did he just say that ??” but ... the way i love both !! it’s so interesting seeing his conflicts and how he deals with other people, but maybe that’s the messy mun in me 🙊

ahn jaesun jaesun !! a king. first off i said it to danbi’s mun before but i am just putting it out there i love him & danbi together i do, i ship it !!! secondly i think, maybe because he’s been around for a quite awhile, but you ( the mun ) seem to have a very good grasp on his character ? i think he’s had really significant but gradual development, sort of coming out of his shell and expanding the things he’s willing to take on ! and i love that for him.

yoon shinha let me repeat that minjun and shinha - i ship it !!! i don’t even know hwo to describe it but i just love the energy shinha exudes !! it’s fun, playful, and full of energy, and i think that’ll transfer really well on stage !! he’s the type of guy who’s just down for whatever and i feel like he could befriend anybody if he really wanted to ! i like that about him and think he’ll have no problem getting along w whoever he works with in the future !

kyo miyeon my queen .... oh how i love her ! 😣❤ i think miyeon’s got a cold exterior with a soft interior ?? like she’s sososo composed and a little cold on the outside, but in reality she’s just over here loving animals and the simple things in life ? i think once she debuts she’s going to have fans have v passionate debates about whether they like her cool or soft side more since they’re both so prominent and so good !!

løvehjerte emil first off emil being from denmark and his name immediately stood out to me when he was accepted, and to me makes him v unique ? also doyoung rights ;) i like how well he seems to adapt to the situations presented to him, even if they’re new and unfamiliar to him ! i think he has his ability to keep his cool, but is still learning a lot from being a trainee and proving he can definitely grow beyond what he’s already accomplished !

jung miso miso is the baddest b no one can change mt mind oijoijoijo !!!!! but no for real i always have admired miso even if i haven’t got to interact w her on my muses too much ? at first i def got vibes of the popular girl everyone wants to be just like ? but i’ve realized she’s a loot more ! she has ( shrek vc ) layers, and i think it’s good to see someone who has a lot of things people would see as ideal, but without being unobtainable !

nam yunho yunho intrigues me so much !! i’m sad max hasn’t gotten to interact with him yet lol !! i feel like in this i keep comparing muses to character types but - just take a journey with me ok soijioiofoijfio !! i so see yunho as one of those guys in the movies about small town who’s family has has a business there for years and he’s the chill guy who shows the main character around town ? AND THAT’S A GOOD THING LMAO ! i feel like he’s just immensly chill and always is just vibing and down for a good time ! <3

jo jiwoo i think jiwoo is so exceptionally cute !! but don’t underestimate her because to me she also does have a very fiery spirit ?? and i love it !! def would have the potential to be a maknae on top and i am here for it !! but since she wants to be an actor i def see her even stealing the hearts of the staff ?? the best example of a puppy in real life i’ve ever seen !

na sera first of all being a twin is automatically cool so there’s that ?? but also !! i like how hard she’s fighting to prove her own, individual self worth ! i’m definitely excited to see how she’ll find her “thing” that really riles her up and makes her feel passionate ? and that maybe she’ll decide the idol thing is for her and go forward with it as a career !

min soyoun i think soyoun’s definitely go the girl next door charm, she defintiely seems like the type who you could be friends with easily, and i think she’ll maintain that even when she’s more famous ! she gives me free spirit vibes, and i think that even if she doesn’t know how, life will somehow work to make sure she always does well ! she’s defintiely proved her individuality and i think she’ll stand out from most around her !

geum danbi ugh danbi ... the way i’m obsessed with her ! i mentioned this already but her and jaesun ? cute we ship it !! i am a stan, i am ! anyways i think that danbi is so powerful, and i don’t mean that jokingly ! she does hold a very commanding presence for me, and i really respect her resilience in continuing to fight for her debut, even after being discouraged numerous times in the past ! i think that’ll make her debut all the more worth it, as she has taken the time to get even better and improve her skills !

jang taesung taesung ... the way i really am fascinated by him ! i don’t even interact w him on my muses but he’s still so entertaining to me !! he’s so casual and i just enjoy seeing his interactions ? he isn’t afraid to be authentically him, and though he doesn’t really show it in his words all the time he’s got a lot of emotions swirling around there ! he do ... he do be messy sometimes i get it ?? he’s a lil problematic ?? but it entertains me so we will take it !

song ahri ok i don’t want to claim this bc i’m not COMPLETELY sure but do i have permission to ship her and geonwoo .... i saw their thread on the dash and they’re so cute what 😚💖 ( revision : they are together i can say this lol !!! ) anywho onto ahri things ! she just seems like the sweetest person EVER she’s v gentle with her words and actions, and definitely seems like a comforter of sorts ? i think that, whoever she gets close to, would def have her to lean on in hard times ! she’s like

son seolmi first of congrats on seolmi as the new musical actress !! we need more of them >.< but i feel like when seolmi looks back on her training experience she’ll be very proud of herself ! she has made a lot of improvements over her training period, found her passions, and worked to prove herself ! but i think, although she’s working v hard, she’s also doing twice as good at maintaining her friendships and being good to the people around her !

seo minseok minseok a true angel !! i know we haven’t gotten to write together in a while, but seeing his thread w nari we had i saw how kind he was ! he’s loyal to the people he calls friends, open to trying new things, and i think in the future when he gains experience he’ll be a really great mentor to the people who he precedes !

oh max ok first off i feel like i cannot not say this everytime i see him on the dash or a thread with him i’m constantly in a state of confusion about which max it is oijoioiiojaojoi ?? but !! i’m despite their names, they’re actually pretty different ! because unlike max choi, oh max is has a very loving and warm personality, and even though he comes from money you couldn’t really tell by his personality ?

park dohyun i def want him and max to interact together, side note !! because they’re both goofs and, of course, we need as many lgc boys connections as we can ! but anywho, i love dohyun, as i feel muses such as him are v necessary ! he definitely provides comic relief, and even though he doesn’t like to reveal his emotions, that just reveals another component to his emotional depth ! even if he isn’t someone who is vulnerable, i think it is great he does his best to make others happy !!

lee jiho i mean can i pls just adopt jiho as my child ?? he’s so cute oijjoijoij !! i think all though he’s ambitious and knows what he wants in life, he’s also realistic with himself and knows what he can expect and how to work toward a clothes ! it’s a trait not everyone has so i like that he does ! i think he’s also enough of a positive thinker that throughout any troubles he may have, he’ll get through it with a nice mindset !

lee hanbyul i think that once debuted officially officially, hanbyul will definitely grow in popularity almost immediately ! she’s already done well at gaining the hearts of fans even when she was a trainee, and with so many friends and opportunities under her belt she’ll get big in no time ! i think she’ll definitely be well known and that she’ll bring multiple fandoms together because it’s just hard not to like her !

jung jihye i love jihye !! she’s so raw and rolling with all the punches life has given her ? even after a rocky start to her career, she’s ready to give it a second chance, and although she went through a lot of bullying discovered a newfound love for acting ! i think that her dedication to being happy will show in her passion for whatever she acts in in the future, and i’m excited to see how the public perceives her !

tsai sunisa isa is the ultimate chill dude haha !! i think that he’s very calm and level-headed, while not coming off as careless ? although he’s very casual, he clearly does care about the other’s around him, and i think for him that shows in the little details rather than the big things ? i think he’s the type of person who does well at picking up on the energies of others, and noticing small details about them ! v v cool 💖😌

shin yeseo u KNOW me and max are collectively whipped for her oijoijoi !!! no but honestly, from what i’ve viewed of yeseo from an outside perspective, she’s goes beyond the socially required level of thoughtful ? she really does listen to everyone’s perspective and do what she thinks is best for everyone involved and i really like that ! i also like that the simple things are enough to make her very happy, and that she puts her all into the ones she cares for !

kang yonghwa i love how in love yonghwa is in with life, and how bright his spirit is !! he has such a ... sunshine spirit ? that’s the best way i can put it ! he’s just so positive the majority of the time, and i feel he has the ability to see the best traits of others and bring that out of them ! i also love his sense of adventure, and i think he’ll be a favorite for fans in no time ! kang yonghwa, 10 / 10, our best boy !!

kim hyunbin hyunbin reminds me of a cartoon character, in the best way ! he’s definitely very theatrical, and also has a more playful, teasing side to him ? i think that everyone needs a hyunbin in their life because he’s very considerate of the emotions of the people around him, and on top of that has a lot of interests and boosts any social scenario !

choi jinyoung jinyoung ... an angel ! it’s so my fault we don’t but we should plot more ! uwu anywho ! first off, happy belated birthday to him ! i noticed that during our to the max thread, despite being a little overwhelmed by human tsunami max choi, he stayed very polite and was open to trying a new experience out, and for that i really gained respect for him ! i think he’s a v soft boy but i don’t think he’s weak at all, in fact maintaining his kindness for others has shown my just how strong he is !! 😇😇

oh eunhye just like her article says, eunhye has a real knack for entertaining and i think it’s already begun to show ! i think her authenticity easily transfers to the camera, and that it makes people love her all the more ? she has the type of hypnotizing personality that makes people want to get to know her, and i don’t think it’s coincidence that she’s had the opportunities that she’s had already come to her !

oh gitaek congrats on becoming a producer gitaek !! clap clap !! hehee but i think gitaek is very adaptable ! even in environments when he doesn’t want to do anything, he’s going to push through - like dancing, for instance ! also him and hyunbin’s dynamic ?? v interesting. i’m invested on seeing where it goes ! i think gitaek has a lot of potential, much of which he’s already showing, and i think he’ll have no problem discovering himself fully and becoming big !

son alec just gotta say i always mix him and alex up on accident i wanna scream oijooi !! but also while scrolling his page and saw this: “ old people are amazing, is the conclusion he’s come to yet again ” and i just wanna say i love him for that ojojoioij !! but anyways, alec gives me the vibe of a young adult still sort of finding their way, and i really love that ! he enjoys what he does but still has doubts, and i think that little back and forths very important ! i hope he becomes a super famous actor and achieves all his dreams !

son jieun i love how much jieun cares for her friends !! she was bold enough to straight up call taesung out for mistreating allie and tbh ... kinda in love with that energy ?? i think her bravery goes beyond even just this though, as she’s already tried many new things that others may have strayed away from in fear ! her sense of justice and determination is something i admire and honestly i feel like if it wasn’t for her obvious career path she’d be a great lawyer haha !!

nam jueun it’s the way i want to claim that i indeed am one of seojin & jueun’s biggest fans ... i am 😌✌ but listen !! i have to respect jueun for the way that she’s managed to repair a damaged relationship AND work on herself and her career at the same time ? and both are going good ! she’s also got a real edge to her, and i feel like she doesn’t realize just how cool she is ?? we stan !

park seojin now we alr know ... seojin is one of the muses i am most whipped for in legacy i cannot lie i’m sorry !!! listen ,,, i love my tsundere !! he’s had exceptional development, but in really small yet significant ways, and he’s grown so much in the time he’s been here ! in terms of max, he’s definitely starting to take on a more nurturing role, and in term of himself, getting a better idea of who he is as an artist and a person and i think that’s gonna really show when his band debuts ! also think he’ll be a strict yet incredibly respected mentor when the day comes ? anyways i’ll just say i l*ve park seojin and go 😭💔

lee jiae lee jiae, the apple of my eye !! i was astounded how much kindness could be fit into one small body ?? even in situaitons she doesn’t like, she maintains her bright spirit that brings people to her in the first place, and i think that comforts the people around her if they’re having a hard time as well ! but i think she also does have a bit of a chaotic side when panicked and i do love it i do !! do not underestimate lee jiae everyone i am betting all my money on the fact that she can beat some ass !!

hwang sori first of all her theme made me gasp it’s literally so incredibly gorgeous omg ?? but !! the first thing i read was hwang sori is an ugly crier and that made ME ugly cry with laughter LMAOWAOOA !! even though she’s relatively new i’ve already come to love how out of the box and unapologetically her she is ! she has so much to offer, both on and off stage, and i know she’s destined to be a star ! i’m already so invested and excited to see what she does in the future !

lee aaron aaron !! our dad of the year sobs. of course, my favorite thing about aaron is how nurturing he is ! he has no problem taking care of others, and i think that although it’s easy for younger / less experienced trainees to be intimidated by those above them, aaron removes that stigma completely ! truly a gentle soul. my only complaint about aaron is that he’s so selfless that i feel he sometimes forget about himself, so aaron please eat more and take care of your health oijoijoioij !!

lee youngmin the way i love youngmin !! i was so touched by his patience when he helped my baby nari get herself together when it came to learning lines for cram school ! it proved to me that he’s a v caring person, and even if acting was sort of a sore subject for him, he still went through with helping her ! and that brings me to my next point - congrats for joining the actors youngmin !! i admire him for giving something he’s apprehensive about another shot, and i’m so incredibly excited to see how it goes for him !

song yifei ok even though i don’t know yifei too well yet seeing her intro did help me see why i’m going to love her so much !! i appreciate her adaptation to such an unusual environment like korea, and although i’m sure she’s homesick and a little lost she’s already doing her part to adjust to life in korea ! starting so young, i have to admire her work ethic and her strength by not giving up ! i’m excited to see what she can offer us all !

hwang minsik ok so !! even though minsik is quite the introvert, i think it’s v cool that he has worked past that, and although it may have been uncomfortable, got more comfortable performing in front of others ! i think that being in his head for the majority of the time will actually prove to work in his favor, as it’ll be easier to transfer all the emotions he’s feeling into his music when he locks down and pursues his dream of being a producer !

tsuchiya mitsuki from what i’ve seen, mitsuki seems to be very considerate of others, and i like that she celebrates other’s accomplishments outside of just her own ! the entertainment career can be a very risky and sometimes scary one, but i think that she’s doing a great job at rolling with it and putting her all into forming it into a serious career path for herself !

yamashita ichika i think she put it best - she’s new to korea, but not this world !! i love love LOVE how sure of herself ichika is, and though it may come off as blunt, maybe y’all aren’t just ready to accept the truth she’s spilling ... 👀 lMAO no but for real !! she’s a woman who knows what she wants and i never will be mad at that ! you can never say that ichika doesn’t keep it real and i think that’s something we need to learn from her !

hwang subin i think subin is incredibly self-aware, which really is such a super important trait to have ?? he’s had a lot of conflicts over his training period, but he’s overcame them, and to me he holds a lot of grace even in those scenarios he has this sort of ... calmness to him ? idk maybe that’s subjective but that’s how i feel ! i think in the end he’s going to turn the pain into power, and he’ll be one of the people really idolized for their resilience !

kim minjee i feel like along her path to fame, she’s learning all sorts of new things about herself in the industry, and that feeling of self-discovery is awesome ! i think she’s a really good example of the changes people go through throughout their path toward stardom ! i think she does her best to embrace both the highs and lows life brings her, which i think is preparing her to be a really steady person when it comes to being famous !

im hyunjin my baby !! the way i love him beyond measure !! he gets along with max so well and i love how well they balance off each other’s energy ! he’s got a boyish charm that helps me remember that yes, a lot of the trainees are still kids at heart, and that reminder is v refreshing ! though a lot has been thrown on him with this trimester, he’s been a good sport, and i think he’s such an accurate representation of someone who’s growing up in the spotlight ! i think it’s enough for me to excuse him mixing up the maxs. 😚😌

okamoto akira what a wonderful soul ugh !! he really did impact nari’s heart with his unconditional kindness. i think he’s grown even in his time in the rp alone ? he’s so kind to others, and i love how he holds interest in other people and their stories ! even though he’s still getting adjusted to life in korea, i think he’s doing a great job at getting his name out there while making a good impression of himself. but like i said about aaron pls, akira, take care of yourself more !! you deserve the best, heart heart !!

jeon haeun haeun has such an intense drive when it comes to her love for dance and performing, and i hope she never loses that ! it’s the most important thing, after all ! she’s got such a spunky personality, which will work in her favor as it will keep eyes on her even after she’s off the stage ! she’s a baby, being so young, but already has proved herself to have a worthy place in legacy, and i think she’s even got the capability to teach the older trainees a thing or two, haah !

park viggo i definitely respect viggo, because of the insecurities that have developed from his biological parents putting him up for adoption, he’s shone so brightly already at such a young age ! and i just read his solo w / his encounter with his biological father and - literal chills ?? but .... phew ! i’m so impressed by how he’s had so many horrible experience influence his life, but not let it overtake him ? he’s so strong and if he can handle what life has already thrown at him, i know he’ll have nothing but good to look forward to from now on !

techaapaikhun kit i don’t think i’ve had the chance to tell you yet .... but god i LOVE kit oijoioi !! he’s such a loveable ball of fluff ! he has a very big heart, and i feel like even when he doesn’t know exactly what to do or what’s going on he’s still very much 😊💖✨ ?? you would never think he’s a foreigner because he just seems in high spirits ! also him and daehyung’s interactions ? 10 / 10 in terms of entertainment, definitely deserves a read !

ahn yein i love the short queen energy this woman exudes !! her duality is already quickly becoming my favorite thing about her ?? she’s so this and this ! i truly cannot wait to see how she’ll let her musical style influence the type of music she produces, and i think she’s a producer full of energy who has the potential for being famous for her music and her own personality !

seo yumi though yumi did go through a lot of hardship with her first debut, i really respect her for fighting to prove she deserves a spot in a group for a second time, even if the first time wasn’t even her fault ! i think because of it, even if her light’s dimmed a little, her enhanced discipline will work in her favor, as well as her prior experience, and potentially give her a step up among others ! which, hopefully, will make the hardships she went through not to be in vein !

han insoo insoo’s gone through quite a bit, and though i’d imagine that to be incredibly tough on him, he hasn’t lost his shine ! he still has a brightness to him when interacting around the people he loves, and i think that’s what it takes to be in a band ! i wish nothing but the best for him, because honestly, i think he’s just trying to get by and have a good time, and i really have to respect it !

choi jongsuk okay so from what i see jongsuk is a tad manipulative in the way he interacts with people ... and yet ... i stan ? obviously this isn’t a very good trait, but it is entertaining, especially for a messy mun like me haha !! i think, if he wants to, he can actually use his particularly good social skills to his advantage, and become a charmer among his fans !

choi daehyun omg prince daehyun rise !!! i always love the spoiled rich boy types, because to me, they have the most room for growth ! if i’m being honest with you as ... awful as he might be i think he’s one of those trainees who would 100% give everyone a run for their money ? because if he doesn’t have anything ( beside money ofc ) he has confidence, and well .... confidence is a dangerous thing !! i’m really really anticipating seeing how he’ll get along with the other trainees, and his journey in legacy !!

chwe hunji phew .... my adoptive son !! i admit i am slightly biased to hunji i am i am what about it !!! 😌💖 i gush about him all the time so i’ll keep it ( relatively ) short - i don’t think hunji realizes, but given the whirlwind of events that’s happened in less than a year, he’s doing a fantastic job of both grieving and growing !! he’s been able to look out for those who need him most even in his darkest times, put up with max’s shenanigans even amongst trying to decipher his feelings for him, and adapted to a ever-changing climate that comes with being a trainee in his hardest year ! not to mention how much he’s grown since his arrival !! his development ?? chef’s kiss !

kang dongwon first of all already massive respect to dongwon for doing school and training at the same time ?? that’s already difficult in itself ! but i think he’s taken a lot of risks despite not necessarily wanting to, like expanding outside of activities he’d expected that he would do ! it’s good for him to dip his toe into numerous places, and he’ll be less thrown off if he’s asked to do something unexpected in the future. also him & his relationship w his siblings is the best haha !!

park sarang first off seojin and sarang together are such a cool duo !! the concept of siblings in the industry is honestly so cool ?? but anywho ! but i soso admire sarang !! even though she was initially was following her brother’s dream, it’s gradually morphed into her own, and she really has developed an individual name for herself, which shows her passion and determinism ! i also love how they have a healthy relationship, even with normal sibling fights, without getting into super super competitive territory ?? that just shows her capability to love & that’s great !

kim jinseo first off !! his familial relationship w shinha ? we love to see it ! cutest cousins on the block ! but what i admire about jinseo is how stable he is ! i think he can help people and handle his own problems without getting too stressed, he’s a good problem solver and i think he can calm down and figure out the best way to approach a situation ? also once again him & tee ? cute, we ship it 😊

kim ara first off, friend of the year award goes to ara for helping hanbyul through her breakup and working around processing her emotions ! and also that she’s pretty mature in handling her own breakup w / nathan ! that brings me to the point that i feel ara is a thoughtful person, who definitely sees the good even in bad scenarios and tries to think of the positives that come out of her life, even if it can be difficult to do so !

jin eunji now we know that’s my queen !!!!! i honestly love seeing eunji’s development, and she’s much more of a deep character than she shows on the outside ?? and there’s even more left for others to discover about her ! she’s trying to work through her shit but I like her because she’s the realest depiction of someone who’s growing - because it’s not particularly nice or cute ?? it’s rough but it’s real, she’s struggling to grow and move through her emotions but she’s growing nonetheless and i love that for her !!!

park seon seon is def the type of girl who is just sort of taking it day by day, and i respect it so much !! she has a lot to discover of herself and what she wants to do, but quite honestly i like that about her !! i think that she’s still young and def doesn’t need to stress about it, and i like that she’s just sort of flowing in whichever direction that life wants to take her ! i can only imagine how far she’ll go when she discovers her true potential !

lim sanghyun i feel like sanghyun really is prepared for any situation that’s thrown at him, even if he feels like he can’t do it !! i mean, since birth he’s had tons of bad cards thrown at him, and yet he always manages to turn them into something good ? although it may seem like he doesn’t have good fortune, to me, it seems he has the opposite, because he always finds a way out the trenches !! i think sanghyun’s legacy’s phoenix !

choi daehyung omg daehyung has been a favorite of mine since he came !! i love peeking at the many relationships he has bc they’re tbh so interesting !! he's honestly fit to be a main character in a show ? and i think, despite what daehyung thinks, he’s grown a lot in the time he’s been here ! to me, he’s more aware of his emotions, and more reflective of the choices he makes ! sure he’s got some things to work on but let’s be real .... don’t we all ?

lau mike mike is such a breath of fresh air !! def a roll with the punches kind of guy - reminds me of those popular kids where it’s just like ... dang, things always seem to be go well for them ?? i’m jealous ?? but i think more of that has to do with mike rather than him just having good luck ! he does good at adapting & working hard, from moving to korea, to changing careers, to now training ! he seems to excel and everything he does and i have no doubt that will help him out in the long run !

li zimeng meng is so pretty !! but she’s also SO much more !! this whole thing of her feeling average, and like she didn’t really stand out in comparison to the other trainees .... it’s so real !! and honestly, so good for her ! even though she doesn’t feel special always, i KNOW she is, but i think it’s also great she has this good foundation ? because rather than being good at only 1 thing and realizing in the long run she hates it, zimeng has the potential to be super well-versed and i think she’ll be more aware of what she needs to work on to improve !

tsai king truly our king ... and i don’t mean that ironically !! i looove king’s development, i truly love to see it !! though he’s still got his pride, i think he’s transformed his confidence from blind cockiness to a reason for him to want to work hard and succeed ?? king definitely had things to work on, but he has worked on them, and i think he’s truly proved his place in legacy in the long time he’s been here !! also thoroughly impressed w how much he’s done !

bae doha i think that if I had to describe doha, it would be “ proceed with caution ” !! he’s a cautious person, i feel, who wants the balance between having a good life and keeping himself grounded ? which is a really good type of personality, and I think it would make him a leader for those around him ! he’s also very observant, and i think that will make him much more meticulous of a person as an actor !

song shaun first of all i gotta still thank shaun for doing tiktok dances with max back in the day !!!! that was iconic and i will never forget it lol !! and i'm so glad he’s back. anyways, i think shaun is definitely the type of person that’ll stay true to himself even after becoming famous, he seems v carefree, but also w/o not losing that ambition to work hard ??

pongsak arinya arin is so freaking adorable !!! i think she’s like a puppy and I love it !! she’s so curious about the way around her, i think she just loves what life has to offer her and in turn life loves her ?? she has such a playful and optimistic light about her and to me, it’s impossible not to want to be her friend !! her fans will easily love her <33

jeon haru to me, haru seems like a team player !! he listens to the input of other’s, and i think before rushing to do what he wants to do, it’s in his spirit to think of how his actions affect other people ! and i think that’s shown in how he’s babysitting on the show, even though he’s a little panicked ! i also think he’s a good self-soother, he’s good at helping calm himself down and make himself feel better, and to me that’s so great !!

liu jiao I think she’s doing a great job at making her reality one she enjoys ! she’s struggling to find the differences between her dreams and her moms, what she wants and what she doesn’t ! and still, i believe that she’s doing well and spreading love to those around her despite ! i hope she finds full inner peace and that she can live a life of happiness ( and a little wrecklessness tbh ) without any worries !!

#this took SO LONG my arm hurts iojooijoi !!#anyway ... hope u all enjoy !! <33 #ily all sm !!! <33 #( as told by jada :: ooc. )#( this is our page :: bookmark. )#this is queued bc i'm not home but i'll be on later uwu !

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onlyhereforangst · 3 years

Text

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by @indestinatus 💕

tagging whoever wants to go thru this journey with me & see their accomplishments in this terrible terrible year!

1. List of works published this year:

Oh god there’s a lot, like 70 total in just 2020. I’ll try to categorize them so this doesn’t get too long 😅but here’s a cut for aesthetic on your dash.

Sequels/Partner Fics: Risk It All (for @hellokaelyn), Finally Home (to Come Back), They Always Do & Could She?, Lucky Day & Completely Yours, Fiery Trance (Two Can Play series), Obsessed (Particular Taste), Soul (to Ignited)

Smut: My Turn (sequel to My Pleasure), Worth It, Maybe We Should, Make it a Double (also a fic request), Shall We (AU)

Fic Requests: Coffee Run, Hold Still, Typical, Deal, Needed It, I’m Home, For Science, Cry Me A River, From Your Dreams (AU), Crystal Clear, Tempt Me, Your Fault, Prove It, Silent Proclamation, A Hundred Suns (angst smut), Duly Noted

Stand Alones: No More, Never Let Her Go, Life is Fragile, Pandemics & Peach Drinks, To Need and Be Needed, Never Let Go, Coming Home, Priceless, Behind The Mask, Need a Hand?

Angst: My Daisy, Status Quo, Can I Stay, I Refuse, Deal

Series/Multi-chaptered: Back Off (Better Apart, Missed The Mark, Change Her Mind, But You Do, Layered Love), Electrified (Don’t Stop (Senorita)), Here By Faith, Forgive & Forget, Angstober ‘20 (Never Has & Never Will, Only In My Head, Long, Long Gone, Do Something, Take Care, Waiting to Burn, Survive the Hell, Find Her, Never Ended Well, At All Costs, One Thing Right, Stay Away, Echoed Back, Smart Man, Not Interested, Flake Again, Release, Slipping Away)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Here By Faith mainly because of the topic. Pregnancy & Infant loss has been such a taboo topic for so long and something I have personal experience with so writing this was very therapeutic.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Shall We and only because I truly wanted way more plot in this and it turned out to be essentially just straight smut with a tiny bit of plot. But it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ok I had 70 fics to choose from not breaking down chapters so I’m sure I’m missing something, BUT I do love - omg typing this out I realized it’s from a fic in 2019 so I can’t use iiiiiit 😩 ok so here’s a couple excerpts. I loved typing out this stream of conscious partner fics (They Always Do & Could She?):

They Always Do:

Yet this time, this time she didn’t have the chance to rebuild. Like a Trojan horse, he waltzed right up to her and slowly dismantled her defense. Joke by joke, smirk by smirk—Nick took each brick down with care. The worst part? It was so subtle, so thoughtfully done, she didn’t even notice it was happening. Didn’t see her chest being pried open, beating heart on display for him to see, and take. Never realized her greatest defenses were missing until it was too late.

That love- precious, fragile, delicate love- had managed to grow again. In her desolate, cold heart, Nick managed to bring to life an emotion she had long given up on. An emotion she was too afraid to ever feel again. Because with it came agony.

They leave, and you’re abandoned- picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.

When you love, you lose. Always.

Could She?:

But-

Even if that was love, even if he loved Ellie with his whole heart, his entire being. Was that enough? Was Nick enough? Was he deserving?

A resounding no clanged around his skull like a church bell in a Southern town on Sunday morning. He wanted to silence it, stop the shrill metal sound that started any time he pictured forever. Any time he truly thought he might deserve to love, even after all he’d done. After all the unimaginable things he’d done, the horrors he’d seen, the pain he’d caused. That bell sounded, loud and clear.

How did he deserve love when he couldn’t bear to love himself?

[...]

Could she love him despite all his misgivings? Could she love him even when he didn’t love himself? Could she love him when there was a risk he’d be taken from her too soon?

Could she?

Please love me.

But please be sure.

There’s been a couple of other inner monologues that I have absolutely loved (I like to think it’s semi my speciality? But maybe that’s super arrogant of myself?) but that’s a different post for another time.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I said it recently but I *love* when people pick out specific line(s) from my fic and choose to comment on those. More often than not it’s a line I was so proud of either prose-wise or foreshadowing-wise or whatever and I get literally giddy with excitement that someone not only noticed it but also loved it enough to comment on it 🥰but truly any kind of comment is dopamine-inducing 😉

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

As some people may have noticed (& maybe not because I did still semi-run the other main ellick blog despite it) I was somewhat absent for most of the summer/fall. I struggled for the first time in my life with mental health issues, borderline depression after being in a shit work environment, an essential worker with a company that claimed to “care” about us, a community that I once loved but showed their true colors in the midst of the pandemic & election, add in a rough pregnancy & it was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to even move from the couch most days let alone write.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I had a lot of fun writing short excerpts from different characters’ perspectives (Jimmy, Kasie, McGee & Gibbs) in my Angstober series & honestly wouldn’t mind doing that again!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Honestly not sure, I think I’ve just generally grown as a writer - better descriptions & descriptors, better dialogue, better plots. But that could all be me seeing things ��

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d love to look into writing more seriously. My husband is convinced I could write an episode script or a novel, so I may look into trying my hand at that (even though I feel I’d be god-awful at it 😅)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hmmmm I always appreciate the support I’ve gotten from the ellick fandom despite it being rough this year for us, wonderful people like @erinchristmaselvis, @thekeyboardninja, @hellokaelyn & @wanna-be-bold are always there to either hear me vent or cheer me on ☺️

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Haaaaah yes. Lots of it (but I bet you can’t tell because I only add mini snippets so have fun finding those easter eggs 😏)

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Always, always, always write for YOU. Not for anyone else, the kudos, hits, comments, none of it. Write for YOU. And I say this as a reminder to myself as well, it’s so hard to get bogged down in that dopamine-induced craze we search for in recognition but it’s so important to not externally validate yourself rather internally validate yourself on baby steps of growth & accomplishment.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

LOL how about all my WIPs? All of those stories I started forever ago that people call me out on not finishing months later when I swear they’ve forgotten about them 😬

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Hmmmm lemme pick one from each category because I’m indecisive 😉

Sequel/Partner Fics: Lucky Day & Completely Yours (the aaaaangst)

Smut: a tie between Maybe We Should & Make it a Double

Fic Request: A Hundred Suns (because I love me some angst smut)

Stand Alones: Pandemics & Peach Drinks (hahahaha because this was in an Insider news article at the start of the pandemic hahaha so on brand #2020)

Angst: My Daisy (I looooooove this one, but also all of the angst category lol)

Series/Multi-chaptered: literally not one of these is finished and they’re all heavy angst so take your pick 😂

15. Year word count: 103,050 in 2020 which seems like so little 😅

Here’s to 2021 being the year I finish WIPs! she says knowing she’s lying

#about me #2020 in writing #fuuuuuuun #all the writing all the angst all the smut #what's new though #ellick #ncis

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daedaluscried · 3 years

Text

Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you and leave 11 more for the people you tag!

TAGGED BY: @tricksterreformed TAGGING: @ivory-rabbit @fantastiicaly @pcrticlvcid @triggerbigger @kounkibou @vyrulent @thcbcastbclow @merveiilles @blxsscd-x-fxrsakcn @bloodiedgauntlet and at least one more person who wants to do this

questions i’m answering

1. what did you do yesterday?

I nearly got into a car crash, worked a seven hour shift, got out a full two minutes early, forgot my check at work, came home, played dungeons and dragons, dressed an NPC up like the Onceler, and honored the Pug for too long.

2. what are your favorite kinds of rp memes? (or if you hate rp memes, why?)

Any and all? The kind that get sent in/tagged me in? I’ll be honest, I don’t think I am grasping what this is asking me to say. I’m sorry.

3. when’s the last time you went on vacation?

Define vacation? Like go to a vacation spot or something typically defined as a vacation? YEARS. I think I went to a water park resort (people in like my tristate area can probably guess THE water park resort) within the last ten years. Either that or the time I went to Disney World at 14. But like spent more than 24 hours in a place that wasn’t my home in a relaxing setting? I went to visit @ivory-rabbit and family last summer (We played it safe COVID wise).

4. do you prefer writing narration or dialogue for your muse? (if you’re a multi, for the last muse you wrote a reply for)

The last muse I wrote a reply for was Charlotte and it depends. In that particular thread, right now, it’s dialogue because she is being snarky and sassy, but Charlotte’s actions are often really fun to write out. Especially when she does something SHOCKING and doesn’t recognize why it’s so weird.

5. gut check! are you hungry right now?

I literally just ate too much baked ravioli so no.

6. are there any new fandoms you’re considering writing for? (or new OCs you’re thinking about writing?)

You know Zaychik, but for everyone else, Zaychik - my nonbinary mercenary without a face or proper identity. They are sort of fun to write and I am severely tempted to really add them. Otherwise, Humdrum is a confirmed character here but I want to do more stuff with him.

7. do you prefer tea, coffee, or some third option?

Coffee! But also energy drinks. I have unfortunately fell down the energy drinks rabbit hole. But coffee is my main love. I need more coffee.

8. do you read or write fanfiction?

To be honest, I never did a lot with fanfiction. I read it once and a while and I sort of kind of wrote drabbles, but it was also moreso... my roleplay renditions of canon characters which meant that sometimes we had to just accept that Oziandra Thropp likes Chinese Food. Is that ever in the books? No. But it’s canon in my heart.

9. what’s something someone might assume about your muse before writing with you? (for multis pick a muse, any muse)

That my kiddo muses are cute (appearance wise). And they are in their own way, but all except Suri are not initially cute. I’ve said this before but Luna isn’t your typical kid. She is sickly, missing teeth, her hair is a mess (more so than just playing would do). For the most part, Humdrum’s bandaids just don’t come off and he is COVERED in them - along with having the slightly feral look of aall of the boys in Lord of the Flies at the end of the novel. Ghost is a terrifying little girl and if you blink, she looks slightly different. She is unnerving, and that’s at her most positive. October is probably the cutest of the tiny ones, but her hair and her clothes are always too perfect in that slightly horror movie way.

10. besides tumblr, do you have a go-to social media site?

So TikTok and Youtube count right? I always feel weird including them because I don’t even really interact with the stuff on those sites. I just watch.

11. what’s something you love about the RPC?

A lot of the friends I’ve made along the way (YOU INCLUDED, IT’S SO WILD THAT A DECADE(?) LATER WE’RE STILL FRIENDS) but also just thiss is my main creative place right now.

my questions for you

1. What song/TikTok sound/etc is stuck in your head at this moment, or was last stuck in your head?

2. What’s the fandom from your younger years are you the most ashamed of being part of? No judgment.

3. What are your comfort characters or characters you most relate to?

4. What are your plans for tomorrow?

5. Have you taken your meds today? If not, go take them right now.

6. How much plotting do you like to do for a thread before you start it?

7. What is your dream pet?

8. If you’re a multimuse, what character do you wish would get more attention? If you’re not, what side of your character do you wish you could explore more?

9. Do you currently have a runny or congested nose? If not, are you appreciating that fact right now?

10. What’s the most cursed fact about yourself you like to share?

11. What about your own writing/characterization would you like to improve upon?

#ooc #this post broke so many times

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drake-the-incubus · 3 years

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This is a gift for @striderhell from the Homestuck Secret Santa 2020 (@homestuckss). I was aiming for 3000 words but uh, Dirk as a muse didn’t want to continue exploring the concept of gender given his rigid but philosophical nature.

I hope this was good, and if not just gimme a shout and I’ll try and come up with something better.

Word Count: 1521 Fandom: Homestuck Characters: Dirk Strider, Roxy Lalonde Relationships: Dirk Strider & Roxy Lalonde (Platonic/Friends)

Additional Notes: Roxy uses He/Him and They/Them, I’ve never finished the epilogues but I love NB Rox. Dirk uses no pronouns in this, as I wanted to try that out.

Please enjoy Dirk exploring his gender.

Sometimes in an effort to define ourselves, we feel trapped to conform to some rigid aspect or label in hopes to reach an understanding of who we are. At times this process can be frustrating and dissatisfying. Other people take weeks or days, and some of them take years or never figure it out.

Perhaps gender, as a construct, can’t be fully understood, but we can understand ourselves as people without it. The tale before you, is only a short of someone who wishes to take a journey many end up doing, and most have never encountered.

Dirk was sitting in a cafe on Earth-C, sipping on a coffee in between tinkering with another pair of shades. The goal was updating and adding a better set of graphics, hoping to add some additional features to make things easier.

It had been a while since the Prince of Heart had seen the rest of the gods. Jake would visit once in a while, and they would have a friendly spar or talk. Roxy would message once in a while, letting Dirk know any spicy news about the rest.

Dave would randomly show up, they would stare each other down before both Striders would give a thumbs up and go their separate ways.

Rose would often come by, trading witty banter and wisdom. Both of them struggled with the massive impact of their god tiers and would often talk about it to one another.

Today though, Dirk decided a change of area would suit this project best, specifically needing to leave the workshop and enjoy some caffeine. Recently a problem developed that would continue to nag at the Prince even through the night. Lack of sleep was the reason why Dirk had picked a coffee shop. It made the most sense.

Gender did not.

Dirk had been going through a lot lately, and when Roxy had come out as trans, it had been taken pretty well by most of them. Not that it would be different if Dirk came out either, but rather that would take knowing what was going on.

This was a laughable moment, since they all had beaten the game, made it out and enjoyed their own little home in the midst of nothing. Creating entire worlds and civilizations with the help of their space and time players, but Dirk was sitting there, in a cafe, trying to figure out what gender even was and how it related to the god’s own identity.

Pronouns were hard, but so was even figuring this shit out. Making a copy of your brain at thirteen was much easier than figuring out if you’re cis or not, and Dirk didn’t know.

The more it was thought about, the more the thought cropped up, what if it turned out the being Cis wasn’t the result. Dirk was absolutely sure about not being a chick, nothing really appealed about that, but then again there was a very similar feeling over the current gender.

Man, agender or woman. Those were the categories that presented themselves currently. Working harder to connect the shades to the newly built chip, Dirk jolted when suddenly Roxy sat down across the table.

“I called out to you, but you didn’t answer.” He said leaning over and looking over the project. “I was wondering what made you change location, you’re pretty adamant to work in your workshop Dirkie.”

“I needed to think, which I was doing when you were calling out to me. Thinking so hard about creating a new line of orange pop with more caffeine than this cup of coffee that the world died out and I was left to only the one set of thoughts for once.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, and crossed his arms. “Really now? You think that I can’t tell something bigger is going on in that Strider head of yours? You’ve come up with projects while having a philosophical discussion with Rose and texting Dave a rap battle. You’re the king of multi-tasking, which also means your attention is usually divided more, and you’re attempting to put a wire on the wrong side of that.”

Dirk frowned and sighed, putting the project down. “Well, I can’t get nothing past you I suppose. I guess one thing that’s on my mind is how much I miss AR, since he was a good source of introspection, then again I have no idea if that would have helped in the first place.” Tapping fingers filled the space between them as the Prince looked outside at the billions of humans and trolls walking over the streets.

“I’ve been contemplating what gender is and how I relate to it since you came out as nonbinary. It’s been making me think about what is my gender, and I’ve come to the conclusion none of them really fit, but that’s also something to worry about since that means I don’t relate to any of the options-“

“Before you go on a long tangent, I want to ask, what are the options?” He interrupted Dirk while cocking his head.

“Agender, man and woman.” Dirk said bluntly, staring at Roxy. The laughter that resulted made the god tip the iconic shades down to stare at Roxy with deadpan orange eyes.

“I get greeted by your eye colour, score! But no, you got it all wrong, gender isn’t rigid categories, it’s a spectrum. You can’t define it by strict labels and there’s too many to count. So you don’t fit in three, there’s millions of genders. Some might not have a word for it right now. I’m nonbinary, but that’s because I’m not a man or a woman completely, I’m somewhere in the middle, closer to a man if I were to describe it as like, a sliding scale. So don’t be in a hurry, and don’t worry if you don’t figure it out.”

“I need to. Not knowing makes things difficult. I know it might be unhealthy to obsess over, but ever since I made Auto Responder, I had the need to understand myself fully and everything about myself.” With an elbow on the table, Dirk took a hand and raked it through the mess of hair. Having done so more than a hundred times earlier, the Prince was sure it was a complete and utter mess at this point, and would need to be taken care of at home.

“Well, I have a list of some of the other more known ones, maybe one of them check out for you?” He offered a tablet.

Dirk took it, and looked over the list of options and each description of it, mumbling under breath before placing the tablet back down with a definite, “I’m going to use Genderless for now and see what happens.” It looked interesting, the excerpt specifically outlined not having a gender at all due to neurodivergence, rather than lacking a gender or having no gender, different from agender. It didn’t feel much different from everything else, but nothing did. Having several of the entries be defined by one’s neurodivergence was weird, but the more thought placed into the concept, the more it felt real to Dirk. Rather it meant that the Prince would have to take Rose up on her offer to get a fully evaluation soon, even if both of them came to the conclusion Dirk was probably neurodivergent and that it wasn’t impactful with how the god had lived life before the game.

“Are there any pronouns I should use for you?”

Pursing lips, Dirk gave a shake of the head. “None preferably. I think I need more time to actually think everything over. I have no positive or negative feelings for anything on there, and so I’m debating on if I’m everything or not. I can figure out how to make an exact replica of my own brain as a teenager, create robots, plot out the exact way I can kiss Jake and even save everyone's lives getting into the game. I’ve designed complex interactions to lead to the outcome I desire, and I can’t even pick a gender. This is quite frankly, ridiculous.”

“You don’t gotta. Dirk, it’s not about just picking a gender, it’s about figuring out a big part of yourself, and something most people don’t do for yours. You figured out you’re gay, now you’re figuring out what else you could be.” He placed a hand on Dirk’s and gave him a smile. “Whatever your result, I’m here for you. Even if you later think you’re a Cis man I’ll still be here for you. We might be siblings but we were friends first and that matters the most to me.”

Dirk gave a snort. “This is so fucking corny, but thanks Rox. I appreciate the love and support. Maybe I can treat you to another coffee since I feel like if I don’t buy one soon I’m going to be kicked out for making a mess of a window table.” Motioning towards the table, and standing up, the god stretched out. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Caramel Macchiato please.”

“Gotcha.”

#homestuck secret santa 2020 #striderhell #I fucking was gonna make this christmas eve but I got busy the past two days #Glad I waited because this Idea was much better #trans nonbinary characters #dirk is amab

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strangerthingsharrington · 4 years

Text

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-18-

We ran out of the movie theatre hunched over to try and not alert Robin and Erica who were still sitting in seats on the opposite side of our row.

As soon as we were out of the theatre Steve and I laughed until we almost couldn't breath. I placed my hand over my chest and bent forward in fits of laughter.

I stood back up and saw Steve leaning against a wall with his eyes closed mid laugh.

I stopped laughing and looked at him. My crush on him had evolved into more than it was in elementary school. I...I really liked Steve. And it was almost soul crushing because I knew that it would never happen.

But in the same breath it felt different between us. I could feel that even in the weird state we were in after being injected. We've defended each other, been stuck in a Russian under ground lair together, held hands, shared looks.

Maybe there was something there, maybe there wasn't. Maybe I'd find out, maybe I wouldn't.

"Lou?" I heard him ask.

I refocsued on his face and smiled, "Steve?"

He grinned at me, "Water time!"

I nodded enthusiastically and followed him to the water fountain, where he motioned for me to go first.

I walked up to the fountain and pressed the button, smiling when the stream of water came up. I bent down and the second my lips touched the cold water and went down my throat, I could feel how dry my throat actually was. It almost became painful as I continued drinking because of how long I went without it.

I pulled back and motioned for Steve to have some, which he did without hesitation.

I leaned against the wall and looked around the empty area.

"I want to watch the movie when I can focus on it," I stated.

Steve make a noise in agreement as he continued with the water.

"I really have no idea what was happening in it," he said breathlessly.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, "He went back in time...in the car I'm pretty sure."

"So he went back in time?" Steve asked.

I opened my eyes and looked over to him, seeing him still bent over the water fountain but his head turned to me.

"Yeah-I mean, I'm pretty sure," I told him.

He furrowed his brow, confused, "But it's called Back to the Future?"

I widened my eyes and nodded, "This is why I need to see this again without whatever they injected into us."

He nodded, agreeing with me, "Do you want more?" he asked, referencing the fountain.

I nodded and walked quickly over to the fountain, Steve stepped aside and I continued drinking more.

"Wow," I heard him say, "Lou, come look at this!"

I stopped drinking and went over to him, stopping right beside him, "Check this out," he said lightly, "this ceiling is...is beautiful."

I looked up to it and saw the twinkling lights and and glass windows showing off the night sky, it was very pretty.

"Wow," I whispered with a small smile.

The lights began moving, so I started turning in a circle trying to keep up with them. I giggled and continued spinning slowly watching the lights dancing.

And then...oh shit. The wave of nausea that hit was instantaneous.

I stopped spinning and tried to clear my throat. Saliva filled my mouth and my stomach turned. I felt myself swaying in place.

"Bathroom," I heard Steve croak out.

I looked over to him and saw his pale complexion and knew he was feeling the same way I was.

Not trusting myself to open my mouth, I nodded to him. He took off and I followed him down towards the door marked 'Restrooms,' where he pushed the door open roughly. We ran down the small hallway where we finally got to a bathroom and Steve opened the door leading to a bright room with multi coloured tiles on the walls. Most importantly, I saw the bathroom stalls.

Steve ran to the second stall and I ran into the first one, I fell to my knees in front of the toilet and let everything come up. Not that there was much in my system, but whatever was in there was coming up.

My throat and nose were burning, and I was kneeling there for at least five minutes, where all I did was vomit.

Finally, there was nothing else left. I flushed the toilet immediately and leaned my head back, away from the toilet and tried to catch my breath. My mouth tasted terrible and I was in dire need of gum or something.

I heard the toilet flush in the stall Steve was occupying. I coughed a few times and scooted back to lean against the wall, opposite of the stall.

I felt better. I think I had gotten most of, if not all, of the drug out of my system. I still felt a bit foggy and dizzy but I wasn't sure if that was from the puking or from the drug. All I knew for sure was that I felt drained. But I definitely wasn't feeling as dopey as I had been before.

I heard Steve groan from the next stall.

"You okay?" I asked quietly.

"I've honestly been better," he sighed.

I looked up, and felt relief when I saw the ceiling was no longer spinning the way it was out in the hallway.

"The ceiling stopped spinning for me...is it still spinning for you?" I asked.

"Holy shit," he said after a second of silence, "no. Do you think we puked it all up?"

I hummed, "I don't know, ask me something. Interrogate me."

He chucked from the other stall, "Interrogate you...when was the last time you peed your pants?"

I grinned, "Almost today," I told him honestly, "when the guy brought out the saw," I explained through a laugh, "I was terrified."

Steve laughed too, "Seriously?"

I laughed with him, "Almost!" I repeated.

"Yeah it's definitely still in our system," he mumbeled from the other side.

I leaned my head against the wall. My heart was thudding against my chest. I wanted to hear the honest answer to the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

"My turn!" I said breathlessly, "Have you ever been in love?" I wondered.

I sensed the hesitation on his end only for a second, "Yeah," he answered slowly, "Nancy Wheeler first semester senior year," he said, then made the sound of a gun shot.

I nodded, "Nancy's nice," I mused, "I've known her forever because Dustin is friends with Mike...and obviously because of her and Jonathan..."

"Yeah," he said quietly, "Nancy is...she's a good person."

I bit my lip, "Are you still in love with Nancy?" I asked quietly.

"No," he said instantly.

I leaned my head against the wall, "Why not?"

He sighed, "I think I found someone better for me," he told me.

I smiled sadly, "That's good, Steve."

"Yeah...Dustin's been telling me since he got back from camp that I gotta find my Suzie...and this girl...I dont know, she might be my Suzie," he said with certainty.

I felt my face flush. Part of me was hoping he was talking about me. The other part, the more rational part, knew that there was a chance we wasn't. This crush had been growing and festering in me since elementary school, but simmered in high school. The last little while I was having a bit of a...Steve Harrington renaissance. I was feeling something, a real something, for him.

The crush felt unattainable back then. Like I knew he wouldn't be interested in me, because he didn't associate with me. But now with it bubbling back up, and with the shit we'd been through the past few days...I thought we were close.

But hearing him talking about someone who might be his Suzie...that was a lot for me to take in. I was worried I would have to burst the bubble as soon as this was all over.

"What's she like?" I asked, as unwanted tears filled my eyes.

"She amazing," he said breathlessly, "and I just wish...that I had been hanging around her instead, during high school. I dunno, I guess I would've been worried about Tommy H making fun of me or something, or being worried that I wouldn't be Prom King," he said with a hint of disgust.

"Dustin's right though, all that stuff is just a bunch of bullshit," he sighed, "I should have been hanging around her the whole time," he stated adamant, "but I was just too stupid to look around, too stupid to see her.

"She's so funny," he continued happily, "I don't remember the last time I've laughed as much as I have with her. And man...she's smart, like, way smarter than me. She managed to help crack a Russian code and figure out the meaning behind it..."

I felt my eyes widen and my heart stop for a second.

Robin. Did he...like Robin? I wouldn't know how to talk to him about this if he was going to tell me he liked Robin. It wasn't my place to tell him he wasn't the gender she was even interested in. I would never do that to her.

"She sounds really great, Steve," I told him as I brought my knees up and leaned my head on them.

"Lou..." he began quietly, "I really am sorry for the way I acted to you in high school," Steve emotionally told me from the other stall.

I brought my head up and wiped away the tears that I so badly didn't want to be there, "I know."

He sighed deeply, "You never deserved any of that, Louise. You're seriously amazing and...like I told you...I dont want to be part of any bad memory that you have. And I dont think I'll ever forgive myself for making you feel upset."

I kept quiet but...as stupid as it was my heart felt like it was breaking. How could my heart break over something I didn't really have? Steve and I weren't together...he didn't like me...he didn't like me.

"Lou?" he asked, "Did you OD in there?"

I sniffled and wiped my eyes again, "No, I'm still alive," I said with a small chuckle.

Suddenly he was pushing himself from his stall underneath the barrier and into the stall I was sitting in.

"The floor is disgusting," I said as I wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Yeah well, I've already got a bunch of blood and puke on me so," he said brushing it off.

I could help but smile and giggle.

"Why are you crying?" he questioned worriedly.

I cleared my throat and tried to bypass it, "I think just...it's been a lot today and I think it's caught up to me."

Steve smiled sadly at me, "What do you think about this girl?"

My stomach was in knots. But I didn't want to show him that.

I smiled sadly at him and nodded, "She sounds...really great, Steve. You should talk to her about this."

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair, that still managed to stay up even after everything we had been through the last little while, "I should never have been such an asshole to you, Lou. Never. If I knew all the shit that I know now back then...no....I never would have done that shit to you."

I spread my legs out in front of me and leaned my head against the wall and looked over to sinks, "An almost end of the world epiphany, I can take that."

"Lou," he said putting his hand on my knee, I looked at him and took in his face. Beat up, swollen, cut, bruised, bloodied. But sincere.

"If I had known you...really known you back then, it would have been different."

I smiled, "You're just saying that because you became weirdly good friends with my little brother. Then you and I got taken by Russian spies and tortured."

He shook his head before the words were even fully out of my mouth, "No, I'm saying it because if I wasn't so blinded by trying to be this popular douchebag, I would have seen how selfless, brave, kind, loving, funny, loyal, strong you are. I would have seen you, Louise Henderson.

"Even these last few months being friends with Dustin, I should have seen it, and I'm sorry that I didn't. This...what? Almost week with you has been more eye opening then my last nineteen years on earth have been."

I smiled faintly at him and sent him a small shake of my head, "Well, like I said, Steve Harrington, I forgive you," I reiterated.

He let out a loud breath through his nose but sent me a tight lipped smile, "Do you get what I've been getting at?"

I tilted my head, "No?" I questioned, confused

He smiled and let out a laugh before squeezing my knee, "I ...think you're great, Lou. Like...really great. And I've developed...a bit of a crush on you," he said breathlessly, "and by a bit i mean a lot, like...yeah a lot."

I sat up straighter and looked at him, "What?"

His eyes moved back and forth rapidly, "Didn't you...I was talking about you that whole time, Lou," he told me.

I breathed out a small laugh, "I thought...I thought you were talking about Robin," I explained awkwardly.

He furrowed his brows at me, "Robin? No, I mean, I really like Robin in the sense that she's going to be one of my best friends for the rest of our lives like I said before. But you're...completely different. You make me feel good about myself, and make me want to be better, Lou."

I couldn't help the little laugh that bubbled past my lips, "I think you still have that drug in your system."

He smiled at me and shook his head, "No...I think I'm finally thinking clearly."

I grinned and shook my head. Just pure absolute happiness was radiating through me. My stomach was in knots but for the first time in a while, it was pleasant.

"Unless you don't feel the same?"

I looked back to him quickly, he looked worried and nervous. I shook my head at him immediately.

"No, no," I told him, "I like you too, Steve. I have for a long time," I smiled.

He breathed out airly and smiled at me, "I'm sorry I was slow to catch up."

"You caught up," I shrugged, "that's the important part."

He looked down at his lap, "Maybe we can go out when this is all done?" he asked, looking back up to me, hopeful, "Like tomorrow night?"

I grinned, "I think...that might be fun," I nodded, "As long as your face isn't hurting too much or anything."

"If it meant hanging out with you without Russians or monsters coming after us...then it'd be worth it," he said quietly, smiling.

"Sounds good then, Steve," I said, trying to hold in the giddiness I was feeling.

"What should we do?" he mused.

I smiled over at him, "Anthing but coming to Starcourt!"

We both began laughing but a second later the bathroom door burst open and in came Dustin, Robin and Erica.

"Okay," Dustin started, "what the hell?" he yelled looking between me and Steve.

Steve and I looked to each other and began laughing again.

"No, no, no, come on," Robin said, stepping up to the two of us, "I know you're both drugged out, but it's not the time," she said bending down to help me up.

I smiled up at her as I stood up with her, "No, we're good now," I said motioning to myself and Steve, "pretty sure we got it out of us."

Relief flooded her face as she nodded, "Okay well, then you can understand this. Don't run off when we're still be chased by Russian guards!" she yelled, irritated.

I looked over and saw Steve standing next to me, we shared a small smile before I looked back to Robin, "Sorry," we said in unison.

She rolled her eyes and nodded before Erica spoke up, "Listen can you two nerds hold it together and not get us killed? I'm tired of being chased by a bunch of Commies!"

"Okay," Steve said raising his hands, "what's the next move?"

“We leave the mall," Dustin began, "get the hell away from Starcourt. We're gonna blend in with the rest of the crowd and disappear."

I nodded, "Okay...okay, so when are we going?"

Dustin looked back at the door, then back to us, motioning for us to follow him, "Let's see if it's done," he said quietly.

We followed him out of the bathroom and down the hall, leading us to the door separating us from the movie theatre area.

Dustin opened the door slowly and I could immediately hear the chattering of people and I figured either the Back to the Future movie or some other movie had finished because people were all around in the lobby where Steve and I had, stupidly, been spinning in circles.

Robin, Dustin and Erica were in front of Steve and I , with Steve standing directly behind me. My hand was hanging slightly behind me with Steve's fingers laced in mine.

Dustin looked back to us for a second before opening the door fully and walking out into the crowd with us following him.

My breathing had picked up slightly, knowing that the guards were still after us and probably milling about looking out for us.

"Well shit, that worked," Erica stated with a grin.

"Of course it worked, we just have to get on the bus with the rest of these plebes, and we'll be home sweet home," Dustin said, laying out the rest of the plan.

I scanned the area to see if anyone stuck out watching us.

Steve cleared his throat from next to me, "Huh...Dustin...we might not want to go back to your house."

I gritted my teeth, remembering that Steve had said Dustin's name to the Russians. He only said his first name, but I doubt they would have a hard time figuring out who he was. Not that I was angry at Steve at all. Angry that the Russians had gotten to us.

"Why?" Dustin asked quickly.

"I might have given them your first name," he said quietly.

Dustin looked back at us, "What? Why?"

"We were drugged, Dustin," I reminded him, "we couldn't exactly control ourselves."

"So? You resist! You tough it out like a man!" my little brother said sternly.

I swatted him across the back of the head, "Ow!" he yelped looking back at me with a dirty look.

"Next time how about you be the one sleep deprived and taken by Russians, beat up, knocked out and drugged and see how well you resist," I suggested.

Dustin rolled his eyes at me and turned to face forward, while Steve squeezed my hand tightly. I looked up at Steve and saw him watching me with a small smile. I smiled back at him softly.

"Guys?" Robin said quietly, sounding frightened.

I looked to her and saw her looking straight ahead, I followed her line of vision and saw the two men who we ran into once we were out of the elevator.

"Oh shit," I whispered just as one of the men looked in our direction.

"Abort! Abort!" Dustin called as we all almost began tripping over ourselves to turn around quickly and start running in the opposite way.

We got to the escalator but they weren't on and were totally blocked off.

Robin went to the area between the two escalators and sat down at the top and pushed herself down the metal slide that was between them.

"Come on," Steve instructed, pushing me to go after Robin.

I sat and pushed off and slid down quickly with Robin grabbing my hand to help me up after I made it to the bottom with Dustin, Erica and Steve coming down one right after the other.

"We have to hide," Dustin whispered, "come on!"

We followed behind my brother and ran over to one of the food places and hopped over the counter positioning ourselves on the floor. I sat between Steve and Dustin with my knees pulled up against my chest.

I was trying to calm my panting down, trying to get my breathing to even out.

The second he sat down, Steve grabbed my hand and held it in his. Was this going to be how it ended, after everything we had just gone through culminating with Steve and I expressing that we liked each other...we were all going to die, together, behind the cookie place.

I kept my head pressed against the counter and squeezed my eyes shut. I felt my brother grab my other hand. I opened my eyes and looked to him, but he had his head down.

I could hear the men walking closer to us and I knew this was probably it for us. I was terrified.

Steve squeezed my hand and I looked over to him, his eyes were wide and fearful and I'm sure mine reflected that too. He brought our intertwined hands up and placed it on his chest, where his heart is.

He nodded once and I nodded back. A silent moment between us.

I looked over to Dustin and saw he was now staring straight ahead but he looked petrified with his eyes wide and mouth parted breathing heavily.

I squeezed his hand to get his attention.

"It'll be okay," I mouthed to him silently when he looked over.

He nodded and squeezed his eyes closed. I did the same and braved myself for whatever was was coming.

Then...an alarm was blaring.

I opened my eyes quickly, looking from Dustin to Steve but they both looked as confused as me.

There was a loud crash behind us that made me yell, but it was over in an instant. Steve was the first to make the move to turn and look over the counter with us quickly following suit.

First I saw the bodies of the Russians strewn across the floor of the food court. Then looking to the right I saw the red car that had been stationed in the mall this last week flipped on its side, it had been thrown into another food court store front.

"Holy shit," Dustin whispered.

Steve nudged my arm, I tore my eyes away from the car and looked to him, he was looking up to the second level of the mall, I followed his line of sight and saw them. The rest of the party and Nancy and Jonathan looking over the railing at us.

——

Title credit to REO Speedwagon and gif credit to owner!

#stever harrington imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #netflix #dustin henderson

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realitv · 3 years

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——— BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME! ♡ claire

PRONOUNS! ♡ they / them

ZODIAC SIGN! ♡ aries bay bee

TAKEN OR SINGLE! ♡ I Don’t Need Friends They Disappoint Me

——— THREE FACTS! ♡

1! ♡ i used to roleplay on youtube. yes, youtube. think late early aughts and early 2010s. you’d set up your channel with all those fancy fonts (yes, the fancy fonts that now made a come back here); use picnic to edit your pics, set an autoplay video up for ur channel, and rp using dms or comments. it became popular to keep comments on approval and only approve things like: CLAIRE ISH MAHH BIIIISH. xDDD <3 NO ONEZ CAN TOUCH MAH BISSSSH <3 <3 xDDDD LUV U 4EVER. after the channels became what they are now, i hopped around on proboards before coming to tumblr.

2! ♡ i speak three languages. english, conversational french, and rudimentary german which i am relearning. i used to speak it fluently as a child. i hope to one day be able to communicate with my tante elisabeth and my cousin utta, as they only speak german (they... are... from germany LMAO) but until then i’ve been relearning with my aunt karin. it’s so weird because i feel like i’m very different when i speak french or when i speak german. like. english me is very different from french me and french me is very different from german me. i don’t know how else to describe it. i’m way more flirty and suave when i’m speaking french but i’m very serious and to the point in german. i find when i speak english i’m a little more aloof. i don’t fucking know.

3! ♡ the longest i have ever written a character is six years. most of my mutuals probably know me from that account (lady a. c/omstock of bioshock in/finite). i still write her on discord, so technically i’ve been writing her for 7 years. she’s just very draining to write these days as she’s just so goddamn fucking sad all the time and i prefer writing her on a smaller scale with very close friends privately. i still love her and her development and everything i’ve done with her, she’s just Ultra Ultra Depressed and i find myself having to get into that same headspace when i write her on tumblr, hence... why i do not like doing that any more. trauma muses, baby: it be like that. it’s actually really funny bc i consider lady amelia c my BRAND. depressed edwardian milf. that’s the brand. media was an EXTREME departure of my brand of muses. i’ve written belle, sansa, lady c - all three of those ladies really follow the ‘porcelain to steel’ trend. media is neon chaos.

——— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED! ♡ uh. youtube, as i mentioned. rolepages (don’t ask), and a lot of proboards forums. i miss those. they were so Spicy. now just tumblr. i’ve Been Around lmao.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER! ♡ i simply Do Not Care. i used to feel really insecure about the way i wrote men but i’ve since gotten over that and now i’ll write anyone who strikes my fancy - but i do defo have a type and it’s Sad Ladies From Period/Fantasy Dramas.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S)! ♡ honestly everyone overused irks me. remember when everyone was using nina dobr/ev or natalie do/rmer. can’t do it. i don’t know what it is. something irks me.

MULTI OR SINGLE! ♡ i wish i had the strength to write a multi muse blog but i can’t. :(

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡

FLUFF: i want to say i don’t like it but i love happy endings and domestic bliss bc that’s comforting and i like happy endings. but depending on the character i’m very selective with who i will write it with. media? I Simply Do Not See It (unless im writing with nee). it’s something i enjoy, but not something i write often on this blog; as i’m more horror oriented at this point.

ANGST: i enjoy angst; but again, it really depends on the character. i had this really great thread with g where christine and amelia had an argument that resulted in amelia breaking down into tears as she was so angry. i really enjoyed the raw emotion i could write in that; and with a character like amelia, it was a great way to release a lot of pent up energy and add some character dev. for someone like media, tho, media doesn’t show emotion. media refuses to show emotion. it’s not Their Thing. they can show emotion and do emote, but it’s muted and rare. if, again, i were to write angst, it’d be with nee; since law is someone who reminds media how human they truly are.

SMUT: depends. i’ve written it privately. it’s not really my thing but i don’t mind it. i prefer to write it privately with people i know very, very well. i’m not adverse to reblogging a smut meme or sending one in tho lmao.

PLOT / MEMES! ♡ i love plotting. i’m not good at i but i enjoy it a lot and will do my best to help think of dynamics, settings, and plot threads to do. as for memes? i want to love memes. i think they’re a great ice breaker - i used to be able to reblog a meme and write a really nice drabble response (i always write drabble responses lmao) but now it’s like... I Simply Cannot. i look at memes and my muse jumps ship like its 1912. i think it’s because i have an easier time responding to memes with people/muses my muse has an established/talked about dynamic with; instead of me trying to write a 4 para drabble for a muse that my muse has yet to interact with. idk.

tagged by : stole it from nora uwu tagging : steal it nasties.

#📺❝ BLOWS A KISS TO THE TV: FOR THE MASS MEDIA ( ooc. )

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doc-pickles · 4 years

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i won’t hesitate (for you) chapter seven

Jo is happy, at least she feels like she is. When someone from her past shows up, will her and her daughter's world ever go back to normal? Or will things change for good?

(this chapter is dedicated to @odd-birds-and-booksellers because every time i was stuck on a plot point she helped me out and got my brain thinking again. this chapter LITERALLY would not have been finished without her.)

There was an alarm blaring somewhere, loud and annoying and drilling into Alex’s sleep deprived mind. It took him a minute to realize that the alarm was his phone, alerting him to the fact that he needed to get up and round on his patients. He had slept in an on call room, preferring the silence it offered to Izzie yelling at him once again for something he had no control over. He reached for his phone, shutting the alarm off and staring at the screen for a moment.

June 9.

A groan left Alex as he fell back onto the bed, eyes shutting as he attempted to stop his mind from reeling. But he couldn’t, not really. Because no matter how hard he tried, she never left his mind. It had been seven long months without Jo and Alex still couldn’t stop his mind from drifting to his wife. Ex wife.

He reached for his wallet that he had tucked into his lab coat, fingers brushing the worn leather as he opened it up. Alex reached behind his credit cards and drivers license to the worn piece of paper he found himself looking at so often.

She was smiling, that genuine no bullshit smile that he loved to see so much. And her dress, he feels as if he’s memorized the places it clings so easily to her. If he concentrates hard enough, he can almost feel her hands pressing into his shoulders as they shared their first kiss as husband and wife.

How in the hell did they go from that to where they are now in just two short years?

“I have to go back to Kansas.”

The coffee cup in Jo’s hand slips, falling ungracefully into the kitchen sink and shattering as the ceramic meets the metal with a loud thud.

“Jesus Christ, Jo! What the hell,” Alex exclaimed as he moved to clean the mess of the shattered cup. “If you would’ve let me finish, I could’ve told you that it’s not for long and I’m coming right back home.”

Jo can feel her breathing return to normal again, her eyes looking from the sink up to Alex. He stopped what he was doing, hands settling onto Jo’s shoulders as he fixed her with an affectionate stare.

“I have to go back and sort out a bunch of legal things. My name is still on my apartment, my car is out there, and,” Alex sighs, eyes flashing with anger momentarily. “And I’m still on all the paperwork for Izzie’s kids. Plus I kinda just… walked outta my job.”

“I know, I get it, it just makes me nauseous thinking about it,” Jo wasn’t lying, her stomach was violently churning at the thought of Alex leaving her and Harper. So much so that she had to push down the urge to vomit with a heavy gulp. “But, I get that you have to go. As long as you come back home to us then I have zero complaints.”

Leaning down to kiss Jo, Alex realized how incredibly lucky he was to have someone who was so understanding. A part of him ached at that realization, knowing that she would have understood him wanting to go to Kansas three years ago if he had explained the situation to her.

“I’m heading out tomorrow morning and I’ll call you everyday,” Alex pulled Jo into him, one hand rubbing back slowly. “I swear Jo, I’m not leaving you two again. Now you want a parting gift or what?”

Alex raised his eyebrows, his free hand coming down to grab Jo’s ass with a chuckle. Jo leaned into him easily, lips coming up to ghost across his neck momentarily. Harper was at a sleepover with Meredith’s kids, something that her parents were eternally grateful for.

“Mmm I do think we’ve settled into things now,” a devilish grin appeared on Jo’s face as she pulled back from Alex and tugged on the collar of his shirt. “This is our first night alone in the whole two months since you’ve been home. I think that’s a good excuse to celebrate.”

Alex swooped down, lips capturing Jo’s as her hands began to explore his chest, pulling at his shirt desperately. They had both stayed true to Jo’s request and hadn’t had sex since their elevator tryst, but the mounting sexual tension between them had grown increasingly hard to ignore the past week. Jo broke apart from Alex, hands ridding him of his shirt as she pushed him gently towards their bed.

“Oh you have no idea how hard I’m gonna celebrate this,” Alex grinned as Jo sat herself on top of him, hands roaming up his bare chest. “I forgot how much I missed this.”

Jo woke up the next morning to a quiet loft. Harper wasn’t home yet and Alex had left a note and a cup of coffee out for Jo before he left for the airport. She snuggled further down in the blankets of their bed, hands reaching out for Alex’s pillow. She missed him already, her anxieties already taking over her mind as she tried to close her eyes and focus on something else.

Harper… Harper and Alex… Alex and Izzie’s kids… Alex and Izzie… Alex… Alex… Alex…

Jo couldn’t help it, her anxiety overwhelmed her body and she raced to the bathroom, overcome with the urge to vomit. Head leaning against the cool porcelain, Jo let last night’s dinner come up easily.

“Oh god,” Jo groaned, picking her head up from the toilet bowl as she heard an incessant knocking at the loft door. “It’s open!”

Excited giggles and talking could be heard in the living room now, alerting Jo to the fact that Meredith had brought Harper back from her sleepover. Jo threw her head back towards the toilet bowl, groaning as she continued to vomit. A quiet knock sounded on the bathroom door, Meredith’s head peeking in a moment later.

“Wow you look like crap.” “Thank you, just what I wanted to hear,” Jo sighed, flushing the toilet and standing to brush her teeth. “I’m just a little anxious about Alex being in Kansas, that’s all.” Meredith nodded, watching silently as Jo rinsed her mouth out. She had known her friend long enough to realize that something else was going on, something that maybe even Jo didn’t see.

“Hey when you and Alex… you know defiled that elevator, did you use protection,” Meredith mused, watching carefully as Jo paused, then kept moving as if Meredith’s words didn’t affect her. “You dirty whore!” “Meredith! Jeez my kid is out there,” Jo turned to Meredith, hands resting on her hips as she rolled her eyes. “I am absolutely not pregnant if that’s what you’re implying. I think I would know if I was.”

Meredith let her line of questioning fall silent, but Jo’s mind kept reeling. Her and Alex hadn’t used protection when they had hooked up in the elevator… twice… Nevertheless, Jo was confident that she wasn’t pregnant. Her slight weight gain and her anxious vomiting were just normal everyday things she’d deal with at a different time.

( Alex is italics , Jo is normal)

“Hey babe. How’ve my girls been?”

“Stress eating, mostly. And I’ve been stress vomiting too so that’s fun. The tiny human is perfectly fine though, besides standing by the door and yelling ‘Daddy’ at the top of her lungs. Can you tell we’re totally fine with you being gone?”

“Maybe you should take a break, babe. Take the day off and recharge. I don’t want you going crazy.”

“I’m fine, I just wanna make a grilled cheese and then take a three hour nap. Seriously don’t worry about me, you have enough crazy to deal with there.”

“You’re telling me, Izzie is livid that I’m trying to take my name off of the kids' papers. You know, the kids that aren’t mine. My lawyer is not taking any of her shit though, he’s been a godsend. Should have all this wrapped up by Friday afternoon and I’ll be home with you bright and early Saturday morning.”

“Good because I miss you. A lot. More than I probably should for only having you back for two months.”

“I am pretty missable. I was just checking in between meetings, I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“And I’m heading into the ER for what should be a fun day. Stay safe out there in the wild west. I love you.”

“I love you too. Give Harps kisses from me.”

Jo hung up with a sigh, storing her phone in her locker and moving towards the ER where she was working for the day. The distraction that the chaotic area of the hospital provided was much needed after the stress she had been under the past few days. Running to the trauma bay, Jo was immediately greeted by Owen and an awaiting ambulance.

“32 year old passenger from a multi car MVC pileup. She’s got deep lacerations on her chest from the seat belt, hypotensive in the field but stable by the time we brought her in. She’s also 28 weeks pregnant.”

“Karev, assess her injuries but don’t do anything until we get OB down here,” Owen directed Jo, who nodded and began to work on the woman in front of her. “Stabilize her, I’m going to check on the other victims.”

“I’m Doctor Karev, I’m gonna take care of you today,” Jo stared down at the woman in front of her, the woman's blue eyes staring up at her in fear. She brushed her hand through the woman’s auburn hair, hoping to comfort her just a little. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Kacey James,” her voice was hoarse, but Kacey was doing her best to communicate with Jo. “Is my son okay? Is Landon okay?”

The woman’s voice was frantic as she looked at Jo, her eyes full of unshed tears that made Jo tear up herself. For an expecting mother, the most terrifying thought was their baby not being okay while sitting inside of them. To think about the fact that their baby might die while they are their responsibility and theirs alone… well Jo had her fair number of moments when she had worried about Harper before she was born.

“I’m waiting for our OB to come down and tell us for sure but,” Jo pulled her stethoscope from around her neck to listen carefully for a fetal heartbeat. “I can hear a steady heartbeat. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s a good sign.”

A sigh left Kacey, her uninjured hand coming up to cradle her bump. Jo watched the woman in front of her with a pang of tenderness, understanding exactly how this stranger felt. She thought, for a moment, that any mother could understand what Kacey was feeling.

A stray hand fell to Jo’s stomach, her fingers brushing across her scrub top. Maybe Meredith had some strong points, maybe the reason that Jo felt so strongly for Kacey’s situation was because she too was carrying a child within her. She quickly brushed the feeling away, knowing that if she really was pregnant some higher power within her would know and tell her.

“Kacey, I’m going to make sure that you and Landon are perfectly okay,” Jo moved her hand back up to Kacey’s hair, stroking it with a smile as she leaned down to speak with her patient. “You’re going to be just fine.”

After setting her daughter down in her crib, Jo collapsed on her bed. Yesterday had been long and hard and without Alex by her side she felt helpless to her circumstances. Kacey had made it through the long surgery Jo and Carina had tag teamed to take care of a perfed bowel and some minor lacerations, comforting Jo minorly. Jackson would have to go back in to repair some of the deeper wounds, but they wanted to let Kacey and Landon rest before they put her under again.

As her thoughts began to overwhelm her, Jo’s phone chose that moment to ring, Jo getting up and slipping out onto the balcony as she answered Alex’s phone call with a small smile.

“Hey there stranger. How’s Kansas?” “Dry and boring and lonely. You two doing any better?”

“We’re hanging in. Harper painted a very nice picture yesterday entirely with green paint. Mom on the other hand had a car crash victim who was almost 30 weeks pregnant. That was rough.”

“Are they okay? Mom and baby made it out right?”

“Yeah they’re fine it was just a lot. I have tomorrow off though so we’re going to try and do something fun.”

“Why don’t you go down to Pike’s Place and have lunch at that place you like. You and Harps can go shopping after. You know, a girls day or whatever they call it.”

“You’re making some very good points. Everything with the apartment go okay today?”

“Yeah, the landlord was very understanding and I was able to get rid of all the junk in the apartment pretty easily. I shipped a couple things back home, but the boxes are giant so don’t you dare try and move them yourself.”

“I promise I won’t, I’m too tired to do anything anyways.”

“Yeah what's with that? You said you took a nap today. You never take naps.”

“I’m fine, I just miss you. You’d think after being just Harper and I for so long that I would be used to not having you here. But I don’t think I ever really got used to it.”

“I’ll be home in two days and then you’ll get sick of me. Go on and get in bed, you sound exhausted and I can tell your mind is working harder than it should be. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Did you find out yet?”

“Jesus Christ Link! You can’t sneak up on me like that.”

Jo turned on her heel, hand coming up to smack Link’s chest. He had been her first call after hanging up with Alex four days ago and he had been a pain in her ass ever since.

“I’m asking sensible questions. Alex texted me today, he never does that! He’s worried! Your not-husband comes homes tomorrow morning and you still haven’t peed on a damn stick,” Link raised an eyebrow at Jo, holding his hands out as if to ask what her hold up was. “You two are finally happy, you’ve got a daughter and you’re literally looking at houses to buy. Why won’t you pee, Jo? What are you hiding?”

The reasons that Link laid out were exactly why Jo didn’t want to confirm what she had been thinking. They were the same reasons that she had waited almost two months to take a test when she was pregnant with Harper. She was scared out of her mind, worried that if she took a test now that Alex wouldn’t come home and she’d be in the same position she had been in three years ago.

Deep down she knew, she knew without a doubt that any stick she peed on would turn blue and any blood test she took would show elevated hCG levels. And part of her wanted that, she wanted another baby with Alex so badly.

But with him being gone for the week and her already growing anxiety, Jo’s heart didn’t have it in her to see the results of a pregnancy test. The anxious woman who spent nine months crying over the father of her baby being gone did not want to face a world where that could be a reality again.

Because last time she had taken a pregnancy test, Jo had had to face the reality of her husband leaving her through a damn letter.

Because when she had laid in her hospital bed, staring at her daughter, she was alone and she was scared.

Because for all she had gone through in her life, Jo didn’t think she could survive going through all of that alone again.

“I have my reasons, Atticus ,” Jo’s voice had a bite to it as she began to walk away from her friend. “Goodbye! Give Amelia my love! And thanks for taking my kid tonight, you’re the best!”

Two hours after her run in with Link, Jo found herself lounging across her couch, binging reality TV and eating popcorn. She was dead on her feet, body exhausted after the stressful week she had. She was thankful for the peace and quiet without Harper, but she desperately missed her and Alex. Jo was about to call Link just so she could bring Harper home and cuddle her when her phone rang. A smile lit up Jo’s face as she realized Alex was the one calling her.

“Hello Doctor Karev.”

“Hello to you too Doctor Karev. How are you?”

“I’m okay, just got home. Link and Amelia offered to take Harper for the night which I am super thankful for. I need a break, you were right. But I miss her and you, it’s too quiet here.”

“I’m always right. Hey, I got some bad news. My flights got all switched around so I won’t be home tomorrow morning after all.”

“Oh god, please don’t tell me you’re staying in Kansas, Alex.”

“Jesus Christ no, I’d sooner jump in front of a car.”

“Good good. Okay now that I don’t think I’m going to puke, are you going to tell me when you’re coming back?”

“Right about now,” Jo turned towards the door of the loft, relief coursing through her body as she saw Alex standing in front of her.

“Oh thank god,” Jo breathed out, launching herself up from the couch and into Alex’s arms. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.”

Alex wrapped his arms around Jo easily, happy to see her given the rocky week they had both had. After having Izzie yell at him, his former boss give him an earful for the way he exited, and seeing the kids he had considered his own used as pawns in his escape from Kansas, he was more than happy to be back in Seattle.

“Probably about as happy as I am to see you,” Alex leaned back and kissed Jo soundly, one hand coming up to stroke her cheek. “You look like hell. I’m only saying it because I care. Which reminds me, I got you something.” Jo watched in confusion as Alex rooted around in his suitcase, finally pulling out a brown bag and handing it to Jo. She opened it curiously, heart beginning to pound again as she looked at what was inside.

“I could tell just from your phone calls, it’s kinda my job,” Alex shrugged, hands slipping into his pockets. “Have you already taken a test?” Looking from Alex down to the bag of pregnancy tests, Jo felt tears welling up in her eyes. The emotions she had been holding back were finally overflowing as Jo shook her head, eyes meeting Alex’s finally.

“I was so scared,” Jo cried as she let her shoulders fall, feeling her anxiety over the situation melt away now that Alex was standing in front of her. “I’m sorry, I just… I was so nervous that things would play out like they did last time and I couldn’t put myself through that this time because I really want this.”

Alex moved forward, bringing Jo back into his embrace. He hated that he was the reason she was feeling this way, that he had made her feel so helpless when he left. More than that though he was relieved to hear that she wanted this just as much as he did because it meant that maybe he hadn’t entirely screwed things up.

“I love you, Jo. I love you so much and I’ve fucked up and I know you told me not to make any promises this time but,” Alex sighed, eyes meeting Jo with sincerity. “I am not leaving you. I’m not leaving Harper. I’m not leaving Seattle ever again unless you’re by my side, I swear on my life. And if you are pregnant, then I’ll be right by your side for the whole damn thing. You’re not getting rid of me Josephine Karev.”

Alex’s words stopped the frantic beating of Jo’s heart and let her relax into his arms, eyes closing as she held him as close as she could. He was right, Jo had told Alex not to make her any more promises because she didn’t want to get hurt again. But after the hell they had been through, after the hell she had walked alone, Jo’s rough heart had grown soft and the words he spoke now comforted her.

“I’m pregnant, I don’t need to take a test to tell me that,” Jo looked up to Alex, a small grin on her face. “But I’ll take one to humor you, since you didn’t get to be here last time.”

Alex pressed a long, sweet kiss on Jo’s lips, one hand gently drifting down to palm her stomach. The tender act made Jo melt, another small reassurance that things were much different than they had been three years ago. A reminder that this time, things would be okay.

#greys anatomy #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson #jo x alex #jolex #jolex fic #hesitate #nina writes #grey’s anatomy fanfic #jolex fanfic

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