#i think it’s so funny how everyone’s just chosen to be Lawful so far

[letapollojusticesayfuck]

[PREV]

April 20, 2026: 9:50 AM

Following some mysterious, lawful-good influence, you reach into your briefcase to check over your trial notes for a final time before everything begins. You open up the neatly-labeled file folder and—

Wait.

“Phoenix Wright??” you exclaim, barely suppressing the impulse to clutch onto Mr Gavin’s arm to steady yourself. “THAT’S Phoenix Wright? Famed lawyer, permanent underdog, the Turnabout Terror?”

Mr Gavin’s gaze turns frosty. “Disgraced lawyer, might I remind you. Following the…incident with that magician, he was disbarred.”

You’re still in shock—recalling the many hours you’d spent while at university poring over the transcripts of Wright’s cases. And now he’s on the stand, accused of murder?

Well, it isn’t the first time, you remind yourself. But this time he’s counting on you!

The sound of the judge’s gavel snaps you out of your spiraling thoughts, and you look up to see Wright on the stand. He seems almost nonchalant, leaning back with a hand grasping the railing.

The piercing voice of the prosecutor at the opposite bench fills the room as he begins his opening speech. “Mr Wright! You stand before the court today accused of murdering a man in cold blood over a game of poker at the Borscht Bowl Club. With this bottle—” here, the prosecutor holds up a deep green bottle, whose label proclaims that it once held grape juice—“you hit the victim, one Shadi Smith, over the head, killing him instantly!”

You check your notes. Seems that the prosecutor is called Payne, and what he says is the prosecution’s main argument. You find the eyes of the courtroom turning to you.

[lightlycareless]

I saw this and it made imagine Y/N recording Naomi with Naoya and her fam 😁

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLvtBbFA/

It’s so cute!

Hello anon!!

Awww this is so, so cute. lkgashgjksahjkgI I had to write something about it + a lil extra hehe. It’s one of those things that can either be very, very funny… or highly upsetting if we’re being realistic🤣.

warnings: fluff. you have a daughter with Naoya named Naomi. and the mention of your family, you know, hinata, ren, eiichi...... 🫣

Enjoy!

“Come on, we should do our own version of that video we saw the other day—you know which one, the one where the little girl picks her favorite relative?” you’d tell your brother.

“I recall it being the least favorite…”

“You know which one, then!” you grin. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

But Ren, far from enthusiastic as you hoped him to be, instead appeared to be… skeptical. If not disapproving of your idea.

“I don’t know, Y/N. This sounds like a recipe for disaster.”

“Why? It’s going to be funny; I just know it!”

“Alright, if you say so. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when someone ends with their feelings hurt.”

But you pay no mind to his warnings, opting to instead arrange a small family reunion (with extra guests, such as Gojo—though he always invites himself over regardless of if he’s considered or not) over at your clan’s estate, the perfect place to perform this seemingly humorous yet innocent game.

“Alright everyone, gather up!” you beamed at the sight of your lovely Naomi running to you as soon as you uttered those words. Already old enough to run, she always took the opportunity to show off her newly acquired skill—one of the many reasons that convinced you even further into making this test.

“Mama, mama!!” Naomi grins, jumping as her chubby little hands reached for yours. “I’m here mama!”

“I know, mochi. Now we just gotta wait for the rest to come over…”

“What is it?” Hinata asks, mouth full of the nearby snacks—you always, endlessly told her to stop doing that. At first for your personal distaste, but now mainly because of Naomi, for she’s at the age where she copies everything she sees and the last thing you needed was her mimicking bad habits!

“Do you need help, Y/N? With Naomi? Or something else?? Let me know and I’ll—” Your father begins to fret; in the usual anxious way he always did whenever it involved his family. Another habit you wished to keep far away from your daughter, though you won’t deny that his enthusiasm to be the best grandfather in the world is very endearing to see. Especially since the paternal one tends to keep to himself.

“No, no, that won’t be necessary. I just called you all to play a game!”

Naomi’s eyes sparkle at the prospect.

“I wanna play mama!!”

“We will, but we still need your papa and uncle for that. Where are they…?”

“Sorry, Y/N, we’re here now.” Naoya breathes, having rushed to you after dealing with a… senseless discussion. You’d later come to know that the reason for such altercation and subsequent tardiness was caused by the innocent mistake made on the order he’d place for Naomi’s cake. (He asked for chocolate, was given strawberry. How could that even happen?!)

And while it was insignificant, easily fixable in the grand scheme of things, to Naoya whose perfectionism only worsened when it involved his family… well, this was nothing but a grave transgression.

Either way, this issue soon became a thing of the past when Ren appeared, silent as he was still disapproving of your plans, but still willing to participate. After all, who would want to pass an opportunity to tease his brother-in-law when he isn’t chosen as Naomi’s favorite?

“I CAME TO THE RESCUE, Y/N-CHAN!!!” It would be Gojo this time around, running towards you and Naomi in a way you’d think there was a fire going on. “YOUR HERO IS HERE!”

But if there’s someone Ren would love to see kicked down a notch or two more than anyone else, it would have to be Satoru. As of lately he’s been urgently needing a reality check, and this just might do the trick. He’ll make it work either way.

“Well, now that everyone’s here… I guess I’ll start explaining the rules of the game we’re going to play!” You proceed, having long accepted that the best way to deal with Gojo was… not to. “So essentially, today we’re going to learn who Naomi prefers the most. And naturally, the least.”

“The most?” Hinata repeats, raising an eyebrow. “That’s an obvious answer—”

“—me.” Everyone responded in unison, making it clearer why this game needed to happen.

“What do we need to do?” Naoya asks, and not because he’s eager to know the answer, he’s confident Naomi will choose him before anyone else; but rather because he wishes to see the poor soul she’d choose last. His heart points to Satoru, or even Hinata. He can already envision their distraught faces… ha!

“Just stand in line, one next to the other in front of Naomi. From there, I’ll ask her to run towards you and that’s it! Pretty straightforward, no?” You explain, eventually looking over Naomi. “Heard that, princess?”

“Yes, mama!” Naomi grins. She didn’t really pay much attention to the ulterior motive behind this game, after all, all that she cared about was playing and having a good time!

After your explanation, everyone took their respective positions, with the line up ending the following way: Hinata, Gojo, Ren, Naoya, and your father.

“You’re not playing, Y/N?” Eiichi, your father, asks.

“Nope, I’m going to record it.” You explain. “Besides, I know I’m going to be chosen first, so where’s the fun in that?”

Unsurprisingly, no one disagrees with your statement. Perhaps Satoru a bit; but he always loved to stir the pot.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Hinata would whisper at Gojo, giving him a subtle side-eye he responds with a mocking grimace.

“I could say the same about you, Hina-chan. You’re just going to embarrass yourself, like always.”

She frowns, ready to scold him.

“Stop it you two!” Eiichi murmurs. “There’s no reason to fight. We all know the answer anyways.”

“Do we?” Ren teases.

“Yes. As the one that loves her the most, she’s going to choose me first.” He responds.

“Ha!” Naoya laughs loudly, a reaction that has him apologizing immediately after for he held nothing but respect for your father. “I mean—”

But when it comes to war…

“No, I get it, son. It’s easy to grow arrogant in comfort.”

Your husband smirks. Who would’ve known. “Is that so? We shall see then, father.”

“Now, Naomi—remember: just run to whoever you want to go with, ok?” you whisper at her ear. She giggles, nodding along. “Alright, baby. Go stand in your place.”

And once Naomi was ready, phone prepared to record whatever ensued, you count to three—starting the moment everyone waited for with your daughter’s bubbly laughter as she dashed towards them, completely ignoring their silly attempts of persuasion, solely guided by her heart.

An effortless win is handed to your father who joyfully picks up your daughter in his arms as soon as she’s in range, hugging her tightly as he boasts his victory! While the others lament.

“Huh?!” Hinata gasps, mouth agape as she struggles to accept her outcome. “How—why—?!”

Naoya could ask the same, had all the means to so too, but instead he decides to enjoy the undeniable happiness Naomi’s relationship with her grandfather brought him, how elated he was to see his daughter being unconditionally loved. It was all too obvious, Eiichi spoiled her even more than her own parents and without the responsibilities of one—of course she was going to pick him!

Though what he could not appreciate so earnestly was coming in third in this alleged competition, her uncle being chosen right after her grandfather, who peppered her face with kisses as soon as she bumped into him. As if officially cementing he was her second favorite person in the whole wide world, rubbing it in Naoya’s face with a mischievous smile. So much for someone who didn’t want this to happen!

“Doesn’t feel that nice anymore, huh?” Hinata states with a sly smirk, rubbing salt into the wound.

“Don’t get cocky, I’m next.”

“Told you feelings would get hurt.” At the bickering of your husband and sister, Ren teases you. You playfully smack him, gesturing him to keep quiet.

Naoya would be chosen soon after, and while your husband was happy that he was still above your sister and Gojo, he still couldn’t let go of the sorrow his position brought him.

And yet, he managed it so much better than the so-called loser, a distraught Satoru dramatically threw himself to the ground to cry and complain of the supposed fraud that occurred right before his nose! Denouncing the blatant preference shown by the innocent Naomi, who curiously, and later incredulously, stared at him as he continued to throw his tantrum.

“It’s not fair!! It’s not!!” He cried. “I’m supposed to be the coolest one! The one everyone loves!!!! There’s something wrong about this—about this game!! You bribed her, didn’t you— you bought her vot—”

“Oh, shut up already!” Hinata smacks him. “Get a grip, Satoru!”

There’s a sliver of regret settling in your heart when seeing Satoru, alongside your husband and sister, somewhat affected by Naomi’s decision, but at the same time, regardless of the outcome, you knew your baby girl loved everyone alike.

Obviously there would be preference towards those she sees almost every day, but at the end of the day she’s your bubbly, adorable little mochi that harbored nothing but love for those that loved her as well.

“Did you have fun, sweetie?” you smiled, walking over to her and gently shuffling the top of her head.

“Yes, mama!” she looks up to you, toothy grin as she holds your hand.  “What do I get for winning???”

Naoya laughs at his daughter’s witticisms, her quickness to get the most out of a situation—surely, she got this from her father.

“I have a cake in the way, mochi. Would’ve been here already if they didn’t make a mistake…”

“Chocolate?!”

“Just how you like it, princess.”

“I should have the strawberry one as compensation for this—” Ren smothers Satoru before he could say anything else. “Or—or at least a slice!!”

“No! I want mama to have that cake! So only mama and I have one!” Naomi refutes Satoru, making Naoya smirk and your heart soar at the acknowledgement you’d always come first in her affection.

Unless…

“Hope I’m not too late to the party” It was the last guest of the day, the one you expected the least since he rarely entertained your invitations: Suguru, accompanied by Nanako and Mimiko whom carried two small bags, gifts for the little girl whose eyes widened, cheeks burning red, at the sight of who many would call her first love.

Coincidentally, the only other person that could give you a run for your money when it comes to Naomi’s attention.

“Hi, Geto-kun…” she’d shyly greet him, hiding behind you while doing so. It kind of reminds you of how you were with Naoya back in the day, when you finally acknowledged your feelings for him—undoubtedly, she got this from you.

“Hello, Naomi-chan.” He smiles back, leaning down to her level and unwittingly making her heart pound even faster. “I’m sorry for being late, but I brought some gifts to compensate. Think this will be enough forgive me?”

“Do you want cake? You can have mine!” Naomi smiles, and that’s when you knew it was serious for she rarely enjoyed sharing her things. Did she not reject Satoru just a few seconds ago?

“NAOMI-CHAN THAT IS NOT—!” How Satoru managed to escape your brother’s grasp was something you’ll never discern, not that it mattered much since he was subdued soon after.

Though there was one thing you were certain of, and that was how glad you were for Suguru’s tardiness, because had he been part of that silly game earlier on, Ren’s warning would’ve only become a graver premonition, leading you to deal with all of your family’s sorrow. Perhaps even hurt you as well!

…

Hmmm, no. You don’t think so. For everything that came from your daughter you could only love.

Naomi liking Geto because I mean WHY NOT. It's just a silly crush, one of those things that she'll quickly grow out and then deny it when you bring it up.

I stated before that Naoya would be upset about it hahaha because you used to like Geto back in the day too. Can't blame anyone tho, he's... ah, so dreamy.

Anyways, I hoped you like this little drabble 🥺I love writing Naomi being such a happy, loved child akghjsakghajksghjakshgjikaghjkajikga 😭😭😭😭😭😭 domestic stuff is my WEAKNESS. Probably even more than the highschool au................................................................................................. thankfully, I have more things to write hehe.

Until then, thank you so much for sending in this ask!! keep them coming 🤭 take care and hope to see you soon!!!

[volleychumps]

Requesting cheating angst with Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Akaashi, and Atsumu? Rip my heart apart please😌😌♥️

oH SHIT let’s do a remix on the fluff for this one post, everybody- I’m in an angsty mood so uh, eskettit :( I couldn’t make it past Akaashi’s scenario and I had so many breaks, so proceed at your own risk, everyone! 

Turn and Keep Going. (Kuroo, Iwaizumi, and Akaashi) - angst -

TW: CHEATING, CURSING, ANGST- no fr I ugly cried and I wrote it

Kuroo

“Y/N. Where do you keep the extra towels again?”

You didn’t mean to see it. In fact, if you had the choice on whether or not you did- 

you would have chosen not to. 

The phone in your hand became tightened in an iron-clad grip as a chuckle with a nervous tinge to it slipped Kuroo’s mouth, and the world seemed to drown out for a moment. As if the world around you submerged into the water of the sea, where everything you could hear was jumbled as a strange heat flooded your vision, choking your lungs with the salt of the ocean. 

“Y/N?” The garbled voice was questioning now as your eyes stayed glued to the screen, of the naked set of breasts and invites, even worse- 

the accepting replies. 

That was all it took for you to flinch away from the hand that Kuroo had carefully set on your back hunched over the device, the towel he had been using to dry off his hair falling to the floor in a heap of material as the raven-haired boy finally entered your bedroom from his post-practice shower. 

Still, the phone remained tightened in your hand so tight to the point where your knuckles were turning white. 

“Why are you going through my phone?” The accusatory edge to Kuroo’s voice had risen, and so did you to your feet, the device hitting the floor next to the towel as you fight to keep your head afloat.

“How long?” Your voice cracked, no matter how hard you fought the breaking feeling spreading across your chest as Kuroo seemed to still completely, and you didn’t need to look at him fully in the face to know how utterly guilty he looked. 

“W-What do you-?” 

“Don’t.” Your voice was soft, refusing to meet the captain’s eyes now, not knowing just who was standing in your room. 

Not knowing just who was the man now holding your face in his hands, urging you to look at him with his own flood falling on his cheeks as his words remained garbled. Still, you let him. 

“Baby. Kitten-fuck. I don’t know what you think you saw, but I love you! I wasn’t completely there when I-” 

“Fucked her?” Your voice hadn’t risen, eyes glazed over in a haze as Kuroo’s voice hitched. 

“No. Nononono- Y/N, kitten-” 

“T-Tetsurou?” The name felt foreign on your tongue as your head finally rose to meet his, willing everything inside you to hold it back as Kuroo held you tighter, as if his arms would salvage what was falling apart. 

“Get out.” 

“Y/N. Please.” His voice fell to a whisper- 

and the dam broke. 

“I SAID GET THE HELL OUT.” You screamed, falling to your knees as your arms wrapped around yourself, knowing you were all you had in the world at the moment. You saw his legs approach you, before hesitating and turning the other way, clenched fists creating bloody marks in his hands from his fingernails as he complied. 

“And Tetsurou.” You spat just as his legs stall in the doorway, watching as Kuroo’s feral and playful eyes that once painted every edge of your universe seemed to be fighting to remain stable. The captain heard those words, and couldn’t fight the sobs beginning to wreck his body as the voice he loved echoed in his ears with parting words- 

Your voice didn’t crack this time. 

“Don’t come back.” 

Iwaizumi

“She’s a nobody.” 

You jump at the sound of the voice, humorless chuckle slipping your lips as Iwa steps to your side, dark eyes looking tired and void of any light that might had once lit up his dark irises. You look out at the landscape, still looking straight forward as the ace settles next to you, hanging his forearm across his bent knee. 

“How did you find me?” 

“It’s been two years. I know you, Y/N.” Iwaizumi’s eyes bore into your side profile, and more sarcastic giggles make their way past your lips as you hug your knees to your chest, jabbing him where it hurts. 

“Funny. I really thought I knew you, Hajime-” 

“Don’t you start with that shit.”

You lazily finally meet Iwa’s eyes, causing the ace to feel the lump growing in his throat at the amount of light drained from the look of them, mirroring his own. Iwa moistens his lips, trying to get his head back on track as the heat tinges at the sides of his eyes. 

“We love each other, don’t we?” 

“Yeah. We did.” 

Iwa flinches at the past-tense term, feeling his breathing hollow out at the sound of it. 

“We must’ve at some point, right?” All cried-out, you watch the sun seem to slowly sink into the horizon in a mix of color as your eyes soak in its’ prettiness, as if the light from the sun would somehow bring the gleam back to your eyes-

but every time you closed them, all you saw was Iwaizumi fiercely kissing another girl in the passenger seat of her car, fist clenched in her hair as he kissed her with anger from the fight he had with you-

“You do. You love me.” The denial sunk in as you laugh. And you laugh some more as if that were the most idiotic thing in the world. “And I love you, Y/N- princess, we can make this work and get through this-!” 

“I don’t want to, though.” You cut him off, drawing circles in the dirt as you remember the nights teasing Iwa for showing too little emotion- not knowing that the most you would get out of him would be after he stuck his tongue down another girl’s throat. 

“Don’t you get that?” You shake your head, smiling as if you can’t believe it, shoving Iwa’s attempt of holding you off of you as you raise to your feet, soaking in the colors as they fade to a more dark color palate. 

“I don’t give a fuck about some nobody, don’t you get that?!” Iwa’s on his feet now too, and you finally begin to crack as you look out to the horizon, a familiar heat flooding your vision as you smile. 

“Hey, Hajime.” You ignore his cry, prompting the dark-haired boy to look in the same direction you were. “This is where it all started, didn’t it? Where you kissed me, and promised that you would always protect me, right?” 

Iwa’s own eyes brim with frustration as the stinging heat from earlier takes over, feeling the mix of regret and heartbreak begin to settle in as you turn and give him a smile. No sarcastic intention behind it as you close your eyes, Iwa’s eyes widening at the sight of something he’d never get to see again. 

“I guess you really don’t know me, after all.” You smile to the point where its’ painful, spinning on your heel. “I came because I knew you’d find me, not to fix whatever this is, but-” 

You’re turned around now, the sun fading into night as you will your legs to keep walking. 

“To say goodbye to you, Hajime.” 

And so, the dark-haired ace watched as you walked off into the distance and out of his life for a problem he created, yells of frustration enclosed in his throat and the need to punch something ever-so prevalent- 

as the sky above now swirled with dark pigment. 

Akaashi

“Don’t. Don’t go, please.” 

“Keiji, let go.” You tug your arm in an attempt to make the messy-haired boy release you, trembling when he pulls you into his chest, burying his head in your neck as the hot tears hit your skin, prompting you to bite your lip and fight the urge to hold him back as your own eyes burn. If he wouldn’t let you go, then-

You can’t help the vicious words from slipping. “She’s waiting, you should go to her, shouldn’t you?” 

“Stop. D-Don’t say that-” 

“Am I wrong?” Your voice remains stable to your surprise, causing Akaashi to tighten his hold on you even more. “The girl who came out after you in your shower...who is she?” 

“No one! No one, Y/N, you were so far for so long, and-” 

“And what?” You question emotionlessly. “You have needs? You were lonely? Cut the bullshit.” 

“Do you know what it’s been like?” Akaashi’s voice is soft with an angry edge as he pulls back, still holding you in his arms as if to keep you there for an eternity, and for a minute, time does stop- 

and you soak in the reality. Life tore you two apart, distanced yet together, far away yet still part of the same relationship. The blue-eyed boy would never be able to rewind the clock and keep you as his no matter what life hurled- 

“Let go.” 

“Fuck if I do.” 

Your strong exterior begins to crumble as Akaashi watches with now widened eyes as the viciousness drains only to be replaced with sorrow, relief filling his heart when you hold him back just as tightly, your chin resting on his shoulder as your grateful he won’t be able to see what kind of expression crosses your features. 

“Keiji.” You whisper almost child-like, causing Akaashi’s heart to swell with hope until the next words make his heart stop. 

“Eat healthy, will you? I know Bokuto likes to drag you around to all these places, but too much ramen isn’t good for you-” 

“Y/N?” 

“And please, for god sakes, make sure you remember to pick up your suit from the laundromat on Thursdays, I know you’re presentations are usually on Fridays-” 

“Y/N.” 

“Oh, and don’t forget- you always make it a point to drop by Konoha’s for a guy night on the fourth of every month, so don’t drink too much because it gives you a massive migraine in the middle of the night-” 

“Y/N!” 

“And Keiji?” You pull back, corners of your mouth pulled back as you cup his face gently, leaning your forehead against his as Akaashi Keiji freezes in shock as the love of his life, his future, his world- 

Smiles a wordless goodbye, capturing his lips as Akaashi wonders how to turn the hands of time, forcing the laws of nature to bend for his selfish desires as his arms slacken- 

“Be happy.” You whisper, retracting your arms and hands before stepping out of his now weak grip, brushing past him with a finality in your steps as time refuses to stop, Akaashi fighting every instinct on forcing you to stay with him- 

letting you go as the hands of time continue to move along with your steps away from him, the setter lifting a hand to his mouth before he falls to his knees and looks up to the sky- 

wishing he had more hours, minutes, and seconds to see that smile for just a bit longer. 

“Yeah. You do the same, love.”

-----------------------------------------

LMAO GO READ SOME OF MY FLUFF IF THIS MADE YOU SAD I’M SORRY 

General works: @takemetovalhalla @kasandrafaye @savemesteeb @dreebbles @yams046

[onlymexsarah]

Can we please get more Prince Friedrich? Maybe meeting his family

Prince Friedrich | The sweet taste of sin

I had few informations so I let my fantasy take the control. I hope you like it, otherwise write me and I’ll do something else for you😘

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Kinda the Sequel of “Prince Friedrich | Jealousy” Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia come at the end of the season to see their son and meet y/n Bridgerton, the lady who had taken the heart of the Prince, but there is more…

Pairing: Prince Friedrich x Bridgerton!reader

A/N: so I made some researches about our lovely prince Friedrich and I found out that he never become a king because he was the cousin of the actual King, and now everything makes sense to me. Also, I’ve learned that the Prince’s and Duchess’ marriage wasn’t a happy one, because they didn’t love each other :( Prince Luois Charles should be dead, he died three years after Friedrich birth, but it would be too much complicated so we are going to pretend that we sucks in history and none of us knew it, alright? ;D

warnings: my english :)

PREQUEL 1 - PREQUEL 2

Here we are, the end of another scandalous London season.

Surely, it has not been boring for everyone. We had found out the diamond of the season, and found out that sometime a pearl can take the most requested heart.

The Duke and Duchess of Hastings are organizing evrything for the last ball of the season, how many scandals it will bring to us?

There are rumors about a separation between the two; was their love just a flame that with the first rain had been turned off?

Well, what we know is that the Duchess’ sister, Miss Y/n, is still enjoying her newborn love with her Charming Prince, and I am more then happy for them.

It seems that Duchess Frederica and Prince Louis Charles of Prussia are coming to visit our lovely Queen Charlotte and their son, Prince Friedrich, is this the only reason? Lady Y/n Bridgerton had been seen quite nervous in these days, fear to meet your future father and mother in law, dear?

What I know far now is that the Prince hasn’t proposed yet, and this could bring doubts in the mind of a young Lady in love. Instead of walking between the streets of the city, the Prince had invited her to see the Palace’s garden more often, but don’t be surprise if you find yourself in front of them; it must be remember that Lady Bridgerton is still one of us, she can’t stay away from her normality too much.

I ask myself what the Royal Family will think about that...will they accept her or they will take the Prince away to return in Prussia and found themself a wife for him?

When it will happen, I’ll be the first to find out. But no need to worry our future Princess, you will charm the Duchess and the Prince as you had charmed Prince Friedrich.

“‘Normality’? Now being normal it’s bad’“ you said offended looking the paper in your hands.

“I am sure she meant nothing bad, my dear.” said your mother sweetly sit in front of you. You were drinking tea at the park all together, your family and Friedrich. He insisted to spend time with them to know all your brothers and sisters, and you couldn’t be more than happy. There were times when Hyacinth and Gregory weren’t polite and quiet as all of you, but he didn’t mind instead he started to play with them or just listen what they had to say.

“There is nothing to worry about, Y/n. In this months I learned to ignore Lady Whistledown’s words if they are not nice things toward someone.” Friedrich said resting his hand on yours that was on the table. You smiled to thank him turning to focuse on the paper resting now on the table in front of you.

“Lady Whistledown had written only good things about you two, sister. I think she likes you, together.” Colin said standing behind your mother chair looking the children in the park.

“Yes, I know...” your voice was a whisper and yu weren’t sure if he had heard you, but you couldn’t move away your eyes from Lady Whistledown’s words. Will Friedrich’s parents accept me? I am not a princess, how can they like me?

Since you knew about their arrival the doubts started to hunt you day and night. The dram of thr last night kept repeting in your mind; you had arrived at the Palace to meet Friedrich, but in the Great Hall you had seen him and Cressida getting married telling the guards to take you away. You knew she would be a better princess then you; she had the behave and the submission that you had never had. You couldn’t deny thet they would be a perfect couple together, but yet he had chosen you and the fear that he might see the mistake he had done when you’ll meet his parents scared you.

The Prince saw a shadow crossing your face while everyone started talking again. You were in your own world with the eyes focused on nowhere and an empty smile on your face.

“I would like to take Miss Y/n for a walk, if you agree Miss Bridgerton.” said Friedrich kindly. Hearing your name woke you up from your trance looking him first and then your mother.

“Of course you can, Prince Friedrich. Y/n is not the one who likes stay sit for a long time.” she said happy. He had always made sure to have her approvation for everything you did together; he valued her thoughts as much as Anthony’s.

“You are right, mother. I find the walks very healthy, indeed.” you took Friedrichìs hand that was kindly offered by him to help you to stand up. Intertwining your right arm with his, you started to walk hearing the footsteps of his guards behind you. They never left him evem when you had lunch at your house, but you didn’t mind, it was for his own safety and you didn’t want anything to happen to him.

After a while, when your family was out of hearing, he took an orange lily at his right and raised it in front of your face. “A flower for your thoughs.”

You took the beautiful flower in your hand with the first true smile of the day. “Thank you, my Prince. I am sorry if I’ve been revelead to not be a good company today; just...”

“Thoughs.” he finished your sentence understanding. It had already happened sometime that the two of you finished each other’s phrases; it was lovely for the other people and funny for you. “They might be about what Lady Whistledown wrote? When you call me ‘my Prince’ means that something if wrong.”

You brought the flower at your nose to smell its perfume. “Well, I like how it sounds, my Prince.” you smiled amused seeing him lowering his head and laughing. “But it’s not just that. Lady Whistledown had been in our life since months now, I’m used at her words...” you took a breath looking around. “Your father and mother are coming... They might expect that the one who took the Prince’s interest is at least a princess as well, but they are going to see that I am just...me.”

“I stop you here, dear.” he stopped in the middle of the little bridge of the park bringing you in front of him. “They don’t expect nothing if not what my letters said about you, and you know who they are going to see?” he took the flower from your hands breaking the stem and slowly putting the lily in your hair over your ear. His hands made you feel butterfly in your stomach; you didn’t know what your body desired, but you were sure that the little few times he had touched you weren’t enough. “They’ll see that the woman who took my heart is the most clever, beautiful and wonderful woman in the world. Because this, my dear Y/n...” he brought your hands to his mouth kissing them sweetly making you blush with a shy smile on your face. “is who you are.”

“I do not know what I did to deserve your heart, Friedrich, but you took mine long time ago, and I know there are no safest hands that could hold it.” you both stepped closer at the same time finding yourself with only few inches between your bodies. Your chest were almost touching, his breath a little above your lips and your hands still in his big ones. His big blue eyes didn’t leave yours, looking for few seconds your sweet smile.

“I promise you that I will take care of it as you are taking care of mine.” after a while still looking in each other’s eyes, you started to walk again laughing and joking and at the end of the day you felt more relaxed.

You slept all night, and when in the morning Mary, your waitress, came to wake you up you had almost forgotten Lady Whistledown’s words and you were ready to see Friedrich and apologies for the behave you had the day before. You were worry for nothing, even when Mary dressed you and styled your hair who you saw in the mirror was a Lady who looked like a swan in her dress.

When you entered in the living room all the eyes were on you; your brothers stood up quickly while your mother hid something behind the pillow of the couch. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes sister.” “Nothing wrong.” “You look nice in that dress.” they said almost at the same time nervously.

“You are odd.” you said shaking your head and walking toward your mother. “What is happening?”

“I have to tell you something, my dear. Sit down, here.” you sit on the couch beside your mother still confused by the reaction of everyone. “You see, we had found out a thing...you don’t have to-”

“The Duchess and the Prince are here in London!” yelled Hyacinth excited. Your breath froze, the air seemed to be stone because you coudln’t move and all your eyes could focus on was your mother in front of you who now was yelling at your little sister.

“Mama, tell me they are not the Duchess and the Prince of Prussia.” she looked at you sorry trying to find the right words to calm you. “Brothers! Tell me they are not.”

Benedict and Colin ran away from the room closing the door behind them and blocking Anthony with you. He turned around with a nervous smile on his face studying your body language. Impossible. You have grown up hiding your true feelings, with a smile on your face and ready to nod whenever you didn't share the same ideas of your interlocutor because you were a woman, and you had to appear polite not smart. But in a family like yours you couldn’t care less, indeed Anthony could see the bright light of the fear in your eyes.

“Yes, dear sister, the Duchess and Prince of Prussia are arrived tonight. Lady Whistledown talked about it in her morning paper.” he said walking toward the couch that was in front of the one you and your mother were sitting on.

“S-so they’re here.” you looked your mother terrified. “Friedrich said that they would have spent the first few days at the palace or around the city, so I don’t need to worry for now.”

The door opened and one of your manservant enterd in hurry. “Lord Bridgerton, Lady Bridgerton, Miss Bridgerton...” he bowed to all of you. “Prince Louis Charles and Duchess Frederica of Prussia have requested your presence tonight to dine with them at the Palace.” your eyes got wider froze on your seat unable to say something. “And...Duchess Frederica had requested your presence personally, Miss Bridgerton. She wish to know you better and...talk.”

His and your mother’s eyes were fixed on you while Anthony looked in your direction with the corner of his eyes trying to not laugh at your terrified face. “Tell them we will be there.”

The manservant bowed and walked away closing the door behind him. That day all the housemaids, waitress and waiters had the orders to help Anthony, Lady Violet and you in any ways possible to male sure that you would be ready for the dinner with the Royal family. No one questioned your absence around the house, they were all to busy to notice it.

You were in your room, sit on your bed looking the wall opposite of you with Mary beside the mirror waiting for your orders. Nothing was worse than think that all your time with Friedrich, all your laughs and your conversations could be swept away just with a worng word, awkward movement or with the wrog dress.

The fear of losing Friedrich was more painful than you expected. It wasn’t because he was a Prince, no you couldn’t care less about his title when there were just the two of you together. You liked his company, his humor and you had a thing for his voice; sometime happened that he told you thing in german making you loose your mind. You felt save around him, and it wasn’t because the guards always with him, but you knew that he would never let something happen to you; he would protect you with his own body if neccessary. And then, there was the physical part; you liked his eyes, his curly blonde hair, you liked his being taller and muscular than you, you liked when his big hands took yours or when he would put his hand on your wait during a dance. He made you feel strange feelings in your body, feelings you could not tell anyone about.

You..you loved him? What was love? Love was the one that shared your father and mother; love was the feeling that kept together your family; love was Simon who married your sister to not let her fall in a scandal; maybe love was Colin who would refuse to dance with any ladies to dance with Penelope... you were sure that love was the smile on your mother’s face at the wedding of Daphne and Simon.

Was love the flower in your hair? Was love the book on your bedside table that had a sweet note from Friedrich? Was love the fact that he forbide to you and your family to bow when you meet? Was love the shivers you felt on your back everytime you were extremely close to him? Or when he spoke in your ear?

You weren’t sure if what you felt was love, maybe the love arrived after the marriage, or maybe after the first child, but something strong must precede it, right? The same strong feeling you felt inside your chest all the time you thought about him. If it was love, if there were a thiny little chance that what you felt was the true love that mother used to talk about then you had to fight and keep it. No Prince, no Duchess and no Queen could take it away until you said so.

You stood up walking in front of the wardrobe opening it and then turned around to look at Mary whose eyes were already on you. “Mary, I want to look like a princess, tonight.”

“I promise you, Miss Bridgerton, you will be the most beautiful Princess that the world had ever seen.” she said smiling and starting to search the right dress among the ones that your mother made you buy from the modist.

“I’m fine with just the England and Prussia.” you smirked slyly.

Hours passed and finally you were ready to take the carriage with your brother and your mother. Benedict spoke to you before your departure, complimeting your beauty and reassuring you that everything would be fine.

He was right, you were beautiful. Your dress, long and bright blue Bridgerton had gems on the top and the bottom was simple but elegant. You didn’t want to wear to much jewerly, they weren’t your type, so instead you decide to wear a necklace choker with a small diamond in it. Your long arms were free and around your shoulder was a shawl of a colour little more lighter than your dress.

When the door of the throne room opened in fron of you the nervouness made you almost faint. Sit on the thrones were Queen Charlotte and a beautiful woman you suspected to be the Duchess; Friedrich was standing beside the Queen and his father beside his mother.

“Your Majesties: Lady Viole Bridgerton, her son Lord Anthony Bridgerton and her daughter, Miss Y/n Bridgerton.” the guard announced you. You three walked toward the throne smiling even thought you didn’t know who to look at, so you watched the Queen and the Duchess until the end and then, before bowing, you looked at your Prince who was already looking at you and both of you smiled at each other.

Staying bowed in front of the Queen felt like the day you’ve got present to her along with Daphne, but this time Prince Friedrich was there and coming to your side he offered you a hand. You took it and stood up smiling at him. Even thought you charmed him with everything you did, he didn’t want to see you bow in front of him; it seemed like everytime you did it a wall grew up between you two.

“Your Majesties, it’s a honor to all of us to meet you.” said your brother raising up beside you with your mother.

The Duchess stood up and with her husband walked toward you. You couldn’t read their expression at all. The Duchess was a beautiful woman with long blonde curly hair and the Prince was as tall as his son with white hair and a kind face.

You smiled trying to relase your nerves, they both seemed kind and Friedrich spoke about them a lot so yoi kinda knew that they weren’t difficult people, but still their looks made you feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Friedrich didn’t give justice at your beauty, sweetheart.” the Duchess said smiling allowing you to leave a breath of relief.

“You are too kind, Your Grace.” you smiled shyly. You didn't know what to say or what to do, should you say a compliment as well?  

"It's a pleasure meet you, Miss Bridgerton. My son talked a lot about you, all good thing of course.” said his father smiling and kissing your hand.

“I’m flattered, Your Grace. I hope Prince Friedrich didn’t lie too much.” they laughed and invited you and your family into the dining room. You and Friedrich walked together behind your brother and his father and in front of your mothers while the Queen led you through the halls.

“Prince Friedrich?” he asked looking at you with a eyebrow raised offering his arm to walk closer.

“They are the Duchess and Prince of Prussia, I cannot call their son by his first name. It’s inappropriate!” you said amused intertwining your arms together, enjoying that little touch.

“Are you nervous?” he asked kindly giving a quick look behind; your mothers were speaking together whispering and looking at the two of you.

“Why should I? There is my brother, and there is you at my side. I have everything I need right now.” you miled seeing his face light up.

“Then I promise you I will never leave your side until you order me so.” he took your chair like a gentleman helping you to sit and then he sat beside you.

“I think you will have to keep your promise for a long time, Friedrich.” you gave him a sweet smile before looking the others at the table.

The Duchess was sit in front of you beside your mother, you were between Friedrich and your brother while the Queen and the Prince were at the two heads of the table. You offered a smile to everyone noticing that the Duchess’ smile never left her face while you spoke.

They made you questions, what you liked to do, where you met Friedrich and the Prince asked you to tell them about your travel with Colin leaving you surprise by such kindness and curiosity. Friedrich took every chance to speak with you and your mother, wanting to make both feel comfortable, but the Duchess commited herself in a lot of conversation with you.

Once the dinner was ended you hoped that you and Friedrich could have time to walk away like usual, but the Duchess surprised you again.

“Miss Bridgerton, can I have the honor to walk with you a little?” she asked making your eyes grew wider. Friedrich tried to say something but his mother sushed him. “Don’t worry Friedrich, I only want to know her without you men around. Come sweetheart, you can show me the garden.”

You gave a smile to Friedrich trying to reassure more yourself than him. You walked with the Duchess out of the dining room with two guards behind you. “Your Grace...just know that the honor is mine...” you said shyly trying to break that silent.

“Please we are alone, call me Frederica now. My husband is the one who follows the rules.” she took your arm kindly, but you could feel that it was different from when was Friedrich the one who took it.

“I am not sure if I can do it, Duchess.” your sincerity made her laugh.

“Friedrich told me that. You are really a sweetheart, aren’t you?”

“I hope so, You Gra-F...Frederica.” you got out into the garden. The moon was full illuminating all the flowers and the fountains.

“You learn fast! Come, sit down with me. Here, good.” you sat confused starting to wonder the real reason of that walk. “Now, I wished to speak with you alone for a long time.” you nodded to let her keep going. “My son is a charming man, and many women fell for him even before knowing his title. Hi’s handsome, I’m aware of that, but still his heart is kind and big and it’s my duty as a mother to make sure that it will not break for the wrong person. So, I can trust you and leaving his heart in your hands?”

“Of course you can, Your Grace. I have no desire to make Friedrich unhappy or even break his heart. I would never, never do such thing. ” your heart was beating faster and faster afraid that one wrong word and the Duchess would walk away forbidding you to see her son again.

“Good! You can come back to my son then, I’m sure he is worried for you. I’ll stay here to enjoy this beautiful night.” she said relaxed looking the sky. You watched her astonished...did she really believed you? Didn’t she need a speech or a proof?

She seemed so in peace with herself, like that was the happiest moment in her life. You could run away, you could return to your Prince and spend time with him. It was what your body wanted, indeed your legs made you stooding up and walking away. Few steps and your consciouness made you stop, you couldn’t leave her there with just those words.

“Your Grace...” she looked at you like she was already expecting it. “My father died when I was little...I don’t have many memories with him, he was a busy man, but I knew he loved all of us.” she smiled sweetly taking your hand to make you sit again. “I grew up with the stories of my mother about how much they loved each other. It was my favorite tale when I was little and my biggest dream now...you see, I don’t know what is love, I don’t know how to recognise it, but I promised to myself that I would have married for love, the same love that my father felt for my mother and vice versa, the same love that keep my mother waking up every morning alone in the same bed she once shared with the love of her life.” the Queen had tears in her eyes with a hand in front of her mouth. “In your son I found a friend, I found someone with who I can share interests and hobbies. He makes me feel above the moon, and I hope I do the same at him...I don’t know if this is love, but I assure you that nothing will change my feelings for him and could God never forgive me if I will break his heart.”

She hugged you, strongly and warm as your mother was used to do. It didn’t feel strange that the Duchess of Prussia was hugging you, it felt like a second mother. “My marriage was not for love, but I made sure that Friedrich knew the meaning of it. My biggest desire is that a day he would have what I didn’t, and I think I can trust you, dear Y/n.” she smiled wiping away the few tears she had on her cheeks. “Go, we have made my son waiting enough.” you returned inside laughing with the Duchess leaving all of the people inside the living room speechless. “Oh, hi honey. I’m sorry if we did late, you two will make up for the lost time in these days. Now it’s late, should we going to sleep?”

“I agree, Your Grace. Come Y/n, it’s quite a long journey.” said your mother standing up from the couch looking for Anthony who was speaking with the Prince.

“At this time the street are dangerous, Lady Bridgerton. Are you sure you don’t need some guard with you?” asked Queen Charlotte concerned.

“Thank you, Your Highness, but I have to refuse your offer.” Anthony said bowing and taking his hat.

“Such nosense! The Palace has hundreds rooms at least, you could stay here for the night.” Prince Louis suggested looking Anthony for his approval.

“It’s too much, Price Louis. We don’t want to disturb Your Highness even more.” he said polite looking the Queen.

You and Friedrich shared a confused look, what if you would spend the night there? You could see him in the morning and maybe he would walk you at home to stay together longer.

“In some way or another Lady Bridgerton we are destined to be family...” the Queen said looking at you and Friedrich quickly making you both blush. “So I don’t see any problem to let you sleep here for a night. Prince Friedrich wuold never forgive me if something happens to you.”

With astonishment in the face of all of you Bridgerton, the waitress showed you the rooms where you would stay. All the three of you got separeted at some point and you had no idea where were the rooms of your brother and your mother; you didn’t even know where you were.

Your room was huge, full of paintings and books. There was a canopy bed in front of you, the blankets were white, pure as a flower that must be took yet; just like you.

You let your hair free from all the haripins, the long waves caressed your back while you let the dress fell down. You took the corset away, breathing again like you had been drowing; you would sleep in your petticoat that was of the colour of your dress.

Once the curtains were closed, you were ready to go to sleep when you heard someone knocking at your door. Sure that it was your brother or your mother you went to open it before gasping in surprise. Friedrich was in front of you, not in his usual uniform, but with a simple beige shirt and black pants.

“Y-your Gr...I mean Friedrich. I didn’t expect you to come here.” you were afraid; afraid of how easyly seemed in that moment to fall and commit a sin without being seen, and you couldn’t let it happen.

“I know, I am sorry to disturb you. I wanted to make sure if you were ok...I don’t know what you and my mother talked about...” he said smiling. You let out a breath; of course he wasn’t there to tempt you, his intentions were true and it wasn’t his fault if you felt such strange feelings inside you. He wasn’t aware of the battle your body was having with your mind.

“You are so kind, Friedrich. I am more than fine, your mother is really the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” you offered him a smile. “I thank you for your though, but it would be not appropriate if some one see us here alone...”

“I-I know and it was not my intention to insult you in any way coming here. It felt strange being in the same place but not being together...I missed you, Y/n.” you felt your heart melt at his words making you close the door behind you so that you were in the desert hall together.

You took his hand bringing it to your cheek. You close your eyes for few moments enjoying his warm against your skin. “I missed you too, Friedrich, but I had to assure your mother with some business.”

You smiled to each other while he came closer to you with a step. You had never imagined that being at the same distance as when you dance would be different if you two were alone. There was no reason to stop, there was no reason to compose yourself if no one would be able to see you, and you were scared that there was nothing to hold your body to take what it craved so much.

He kissed your hair letting your forehead restin on each other. You noticed that his breath had got heavier just as yours and you had to close your eyes to focus on the situation and not on his lips so close to yours.

He cleared his throat caressing your cheek with his thumb. “A proper gentleman would leave, wishing you a good night and telling you he would wait the morning to come so he could see you again.”

“And a true Lady would thank you for your words and praying to the morning to come faster so that the hours spent alone wouldn’t be too much.” you whispered taking big breath. You felt something tickling inside your stomach, your legs shaking and shivers were emanated from his other hand that now was gently rested on your hip.

“Can...can you hear someone approacing? Listen carefully.” both of you staied silent trying to control your breaths so that you could hear better.

No noise arrived at your ears, only the whisper of the night that brought sinful suggest. You shaked your head slowly, not wanting to break the silent that was hugging you, hiding your bodies from the people out there.

He opened his mouths few times, trying to say something but the words died in his throat. He was distracted by so many things...your skin under his hand, the blush on your cheeks... he was drunk of your parfume and your breath on his lips was like a magnet to him; a magnet too strong for his own soul.

He brought his lips on yours, slowly and kindly, leading you on the street of the pleasure. Your body was completely under his control; your hands went to caress his hair while his hand that was on your cheek lowered slowly on your neck. His thumb kept moving on your skin while the hand went on the back of your neck, knowing that you would not be the first to break the kiss, but keeping your body hypnotized by his touch.

He kept his movement slow even when the kiss got deeper. You were sure he knew what he was doing, because when you felt your legs shaking even more he made your back rest on the door closed behind you.

Your body knew what to do, your lips moved with his like it was something you had done every day, and oh god you wished you could. Now that you had tasted him, now that you were feeling his lips on yours and his hands touching your body like he never did, you wanted more. You were sure that you couldn’t have enough of him from that day on, because once you know the sweet taste of a sin, you can’t stop.

[cassandraclare]

I'm sorry to hear that your hard work was leaked but I was curious about what happened. I hope the person faced consequences because that was a very selfish thing to do leaking your work like that :(

I haven’t taken action against the person who leaked the book. I know who they are, since they uploaded the page I signed for them, and I was able to match that against my records. 

I haven’t refrained from taking action because I feel sympathy for them. I don’t. It’s beyond shitty behavior to receive an early, signed book as a gift, and to then leak the entire book online. It’s a shit thing to do to the authors and an equally shit thing to do to other fans. However, I don’t want to put myself (and Wes) through the exhausting, grim and expensive process of legal repercussions. It doesn’t mean what this person did isn’t horrible, and it doesn’t mean they haven’t cost the entire fandom any chance of there ever being an early contest giveaway like that again. They did. There never will be. There will be no ARCs of Chain of Iron, either, and you can thank them for that, too. 

Part of what makes piracy such an issue for authors goes far beyond the individual assholes who upload and distribute and translate stolen books. It’s that the whole system is set up to make it incredibly difficult for us to do anything about it. Publishers do little to nothing to prevent piracy, and authors shoulder the entire burden of searching out and reporting illegal copies of their books. And even then, we’re dependent on whether or not the reported website feels like complying with copyright laws or not. Twitter is incredibly slow to respond, Tumblr is about fifty-fifty on bothering at all. They’re legally required to take action, but they also know that the effort of doing something about it if they do not falls on exhausted, overburdened artists who often can’t afford to follow up with a lawyer’s letter.

And like, I get being broke and wanting to read books; there were a lot of books I had to pass up reading when I was broke (I will be forever grateful to the library system of New York and Brooklyn, which is how I read books at all from about 2001-2004.) I was broke enough that I slept on a bare mattress because I couldn’t afford sheets, but I’m pretty sure if I broke into Bed, Bath and Beyond and stole a bunch of fitted percale bedding I wouldn’t have encountered much sympathy if I got caught. 

I talked about this on Twitter before, and I’ll say it again here though I know it will make very little difference: pirating books doesn’t just hurt the author of those books. It hurts everyone at the publishing company, where the margin of profit is razor-thin (and yes, publishers should do more to protect themselves against piracy; I agree there); it hurts bookstores, especially indie bookstores (I remember doing an event at a store that told me, sadly, that they were likely going to have to close because people “came into the store, looked at the books, took notes, then went home and pirated them.”) It hurts libraries, who rely on circulation for funding, and the shutting down of libraries hurts people who actually can’t afford books.

Now, I know is no way to talk people out of piracy; the internet has normalized it, and besides, people will generally do the cheaper, easier thing — you can’t talk people into not doing something they want to do by telling them it’s wrong, in my experience. They’ll find ways to justify it, whether it be that they can’t afford the book or it isn’t yet available in their language or that they find the author “problematic” and this is the way they’ve chosen to punish them. 

The reason I put “problematic” in quotes is because yes, of course you can read and enjoy work that has problematic elements. Pretty much everything has some element that’s going to be found problematic by someone — which is exactly why deciding that it’s morally excusable to steal from people you think are creating flawed work is more than problematic. Holding creators accountable for their work means critiquing that work, not stealing it.

I listen to a lot of political podcasts, and some of them review work by extreme right-wing politicians etc. who have written books that the podcasters find morally despicable but wish to, or need to, review and discuss. Since they don’t wish to give money to the authors, they buy second-hand copies or take the book out of the library. They certainly don’t steal, translate and distribute copies of the books because they genuinely do not like them and do not want more people reading them. That’s what it looks like when you have an actual moral problem with a book or author. 

However, running multiple fan accounts for a book series, naming your internet identity after characters from that book series, and talking endlessly about “your favorite parts” and how this is “your favorite book” entirely invalidates any argument that you’re doing this because you think the books are bad, evil, etc. If you claim a book is actively homophobic or racist but are so desperate to read it that you’ll steal it, so excited about it that you’ll share that stolen copy, so obsessed that you’ll illegally translate a whole book and provide that stolen translation to as many people as possible, and so dedicated to the fandom that you’ll name yourself after the characters in the books and write poetry about them, I have to tell you: the last thing that looks like is that you actually find the books problematic, regardless of what you say to the contrary. It looks like you like them but don’t want to pay for them, because in fact, that’s the case. (Either that or it looks like you’re really into racist, homophobic books, and making sure as many people read them as possible, which is your problem.)

One of the issues I have with piracy is that it teaches you to hate creators. You have to hate them, because you’re doing a fucking awful thing to them and you have to justify it. This results in lying about creators — about their process, their translations, their research — as if somehow, even if they were bad researchers, that would justify widespread theft. (It doesn’t.) Those who steal books wind up in a headspace where they are obsessed with the content of the books, and entirely unwilling to accept the reality that those books were created by a real person that they’re really harming. It encourages the mentality that I didn’t create Jem or Magnus or Will or Cordelia: they came from some kind of sparkly outerspace planet and I was just lucky enough to get to write down their adventures. It invalidates the hard work creators put into what they create, and in fact, erases their very existence. The internet attitude toward creators is already incredibly toxic (especially if they’re women, LGBT+ and/or BIPOC) and the feeling of entitlement to free content, and vicious hatred toward those who aren’t providing it (even though a lot of creators, me included, provide a great deal of free content) contributes to that. Genuinely, if you’re stealing someone’s work, the least you could do is not also be an asshole about them. (Or pretend you’re Robin Hood. He stole from the rich who had taken property and goods from the poor, and returned that stolen wealth. He didn’t steal from artists and independent bookstores and use that stealing to benefit himself and his friends. The idea is actually kind of funny.) 

 I understand there is a pressure to be up to date on the books that are being released so as to participate in fandom, and I do get that. Unfortunately, piracy has real consequences that stretch beyond just hurting me and Wes. Because LGBT+ books are pirated at such an incredible rate, and we’ve definitely seen that with TEC, I am left wondering if there will ever be an actual Spanish translation of TEC, or whether the publisher will decide not to bother because it’s already been so thoroughly pirated in Spanish. I have to wonder if there will even be a third book of TEC at all, or whether publishers will feel it isn’t worth doing. And I have to wonder why the people who create this situation so often have usernames that include Jem or Magnus or Alec or Cordelia or Julian or Tessa. What an incredible misunderstanding of those characters, to imagine a world in which Will Herondale or Magnus Bane or James Carstairs would approve of stealing books and harming writers. And why name yourself after a character who absolutely couldn’t stand you? I don’t know. I don’t get it, any more than I get hating someone who provided you with something you claim is your favorite book. 

That was a much longer answer than you were probably expecting or hoping for, and I know I’ll get yelled at quite thoroughly for writing it. Writers always do, when we engage with the issue of piracy. I know most of you reading this acquire your books honestly; most of you are not like this at all. But like most things on the internet, a small amount of people really do have the power to make things pretty rotten for everyone else.

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

"MAKE THE SERVER BETTER. This is what I need to do."

An Analysis on Ranboo's Philosophy and Vision for the Dream SMP

One of the most consistent traits about Ranboo is his inconsistency, especially in his beliefs and choices, all influenced within the moment.

Now I was thinking back to when Ranboo had that explicit desire for a "happy family" when it became clear to us that he and Dream seem to share similar goals and desires for the server. It's been a few months since that stream, and Ranboo's gone through some changes as a character. Through experimentation, he relearns and rediscovers himself, most of it away from us particles. He now has the experience to choose people more discriminatingly, having a gauge on who still believes and/or benefits from his optimism and those who don't.

With a better grasp on his more persuasive and ambitious self, as well as a slightly stronger spine, I am going to attempt to make sense of what Ranboo's opinions most likely must be by now, having been in the server for half a year now.

1. "You have to think for yourself sometimes."

(from Ranboo’s first conversation with Slimecicle, 06/18/2021)

So you know how Ranboo is an anarchist, or at least identifies as such, at least within the context of the Anarchist Syndicate, right?

One of the most significant things we must pay attention to is Ranboo's anarchist tendencies. Based on his general experiences but particularly his conversation with Slime and his initiation to the Syndicate, Ranboo cares heavily about personal autonomy and the right to self-expression and self-preservation. His aversion to factional sides was initially derived from the existing factions he was exposed to being unfair and demanding of its members, as reflected in his experiences in New L'Manburg.

It's upon further inspection that these sympathies constitute his concerns over People. It's why he fights for and sides with People in general, as a concept and principle.

2. "Why can’t I have friends on opposite sides?!"

(from Ranboo’s Pre-Doomsday speech after the Community House confrontation, 01/05/2021)

Something Ranboo also believes in is the idea that everyone is valuable and capable of many things unique to themselves. Therefore, he recognizes and gives (as much as he could muster) care to Peoples' needs, concerns, and beliefs, most especially when he is demanded of it by whoever asks of him. He values loyalty toward friendships and relationships in their base form, as opposed to causes. (Especially relationships made from and because of causes.)

Another reason why Ranboo despises factional sides, especially the ones he was a part of, is that these sides' own beliefs and principles believe themselves to be above the other and vice versa. Ranboo's ability to recognize two (if not more) sides of an argument leads him to value both sides to such an extent that he believes one is not above the other. To him, People—individuals with inherent value and free will—are more than the causes—whose necessity changes over time and can only be a solution to specific, changing problems—they believe in.

3. "When the leader gets corrupted, then...we'll see what happens."

(from Ranboo's monologue after speaking with Ghostbur on the topic of killing Dream, 03/15/2021)

Something of particular fascination is Ranboo's dislike for leaders as a concept, a belief shared only by Technoblade and the rest of the Anarchist Syndicate. For them, and Ranboo, leaders are at the end of the day People. They are infallible and capable of making wrong choices. The very concept of a leader, too, suggests superiority in the ability and the dependence on only the causes of that leader, chosen or not. To them, no one should be above or below anybody. A leader creates that distinction.

An ideal SMP for Ranboo is one without leaders, where one's choices and manner of living, as dictated by their beliefs, is not above one or the other. In comparison, many characters who have expressed their visions of an ideal Dream SMP all have a leader in them!

We have Dream, who wants a server that fits his specific vision and needs and desires, a server that serves him, with his and only his vision of an ideal SMP—one where he has total control over all of the server. A less extreme version of this is held by the de-facto head of the neutral Badlands, BadBoyHalo.

Characters like Quackity, Schlatt, and Jack Manifold all believe in the concept of adherence and obedience to order and law as means to get something done. It also makes sense why these three also have a history of being quite literally Presidents of countries, whether corrupt like Manburg, discarded like Manifoldland, or ambitious like Las Nevadas.

There are also other leaders like Wilbur, Eret, and Tubbo, who have a partiality to order and leadership. The difference with them is that they believe in relative leeway in priority towards the ruled-over people. They believe in an SMP wherein a leader and their people share a mutual obligation towards each other's benefit and progress. Whether a cause that can help should be involved may be of consideration too, because as far as I know, these three mastered each of the 3 facets of the Greek art of persuasion:

Wilbur, in particular, is a heavy advocator of the use of cause in leadership, hence his use of speech to give rise to emotions, aka pathos.

Tubbo leans towards common sense and reason, having a tendency to use logos.

Eret is partial to a more general sense of righteousness, therefore basing many of his actions on the character of the people around him and having a strong focus on their and their subjects' own ethos.

4. "Who am I?" "I am somebody who stops conflict."

(from page 12 of Ranboo's current memory book)

Despite these differing ideas on what is good for the SMP, the one thing everyone has in common is that they all want a server where peace, to their standard and contentment, is achieved.

For Ranboo, this means no Conflict.

Bear in mind that he admits in his pre-Doomsday speech that Conflict can never be truly eradicated, acknowledging that personal conflicts between individual persons are still bound to happen.

Though, as stated in his various monologues in regards to killing Dream (particularly when he was grieving Tommy and after talking with Ghostbur) the Conflict he desires to get rid of is the big, overarching kind.

These are Conflicts that disrupt the happiness of, if not all, significant numbers of People. Conflicts that perpetuate a cycle of unnecessary violence, conflicts that escalate from the pettiest of disputes, conflicts rooted in a refusal of a person/faction/cause to simply coexist with everyone else.

This is Ranboo's major goal in reference to the whole of the server. This is a major motivation for all of his decisions and actions too.

5. “It should be all of us working together.”

(from page 14 of Ranboo’s first memory book)

When Ranboo explicitly repeated wanting "one big happy family," words that came out of Dream's own mouth, he's describing his vision of an ideal Dream SMP. It can be argued that he and Dream have the same goals, right?

Well, obviously, not quite.

Dream and Ranboo have very different visions for the server, the common thing being their determination to get everyone to cooperate with their vision no matter what. We see the vague and ominous actions of Ranboo while Enderwalking, how much bolder and aggressive he can get. He's seemingly more dedicated to this goal that way.

Based on the previous points, Ranboo's vision of a better Dream SMP is one where everyone exists as they are, freely and without division, where no one is above or below the other, and that they can put their dedications to causes aside for care and love for each other. People regardless of skill or situation just living together peacefully! where the Conflict is not big enough to harm but big enough to constitute what it means to be alive! No one's telling the other how to live because they understand and respect each other's choices and differences!

With how he approaches the fulfillment of this ideal, I dare say he does indeed fight for something, and it's the cause of all causes.

But what about those other people who aren't so compromising? Well, I wager those are the people Ranboo ought to snap against. Ranboo's ideal SMP is rooted in coexistence, therefore it demands compromise and tolerance. Funny just how many people on the server fight for causes that refuse to give that.

Ranboo definitely knows he can't achieve the server he wants alone, and knowing everyone else, he knows getting everyone to get along will be much harder in execution.

[bansept]

Ichihime Week | Day 3: Family

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The Kurosaki family always had little trips prepared for this or that occasion: the end of school, someone’s birthday… And of course, Masaki’s death anniversary. When the children were young, it was a thrilling idea, a way to discover a new place and imagine an exciting story. When the children grew, the mere thought of going away was disturbing, annoying. The meaning of moving to a place with the family got lost in cries of boredom and arguments, but Isshin never gave up.

Yuzu and Karin were still there, in his house, and officially speaking, still “had” to obey his commands, canceling plans they might have with their friends. One day, one of the twins had muttered the word “dictatorship”, and he had cried, whimpering at how ungrateful his daughters were to him. They still came, frowning a little bit, but a smile never too far behind.

Ichigo had been too busy to go on a family trip. First, with the Dojo: who knew a place that was not so visited could be lively at the exact time his presence was required to have fun? The kids and teenagers were far too inclined in asking him to show them moves for him to refuse. A paycheck was a paycheck. Second, Orihime herself was atrociously busy. Being the main confectioner, she oversaw most of the confection of chocolate delights in the bakery. Giving orders was a full-time job, and even if her love for her work brought her happiness, she was as exhausted as her husband.

The third was Kazui. Or mostly, the presence and necessity to oversee a young child, the infant going to a nanny when his parents could not attend to his needs. Moody because of his teething, Kazui was a small little ball of smile, and the next minute, a crying angry puddle of anger. As peaceful and adorable as he could be, he was still so young, so dependable of his parents that taking him anywhere outside of the environments he knew was a big no-no.

“Ichigo, can you please go and get him?” Orihime mumbled, one hand raised to her husband’s shoulder, pushing him slightly to make him understand with subtility that she would not move a muscle herself.

Ichigo, eyes half open and short hair sticking out in a comical manner, groaned a response stuck between a ‘yes’ and ‘you’re next’ before getting up tiredly to retrieve his crying son.

Somehow, and after a good year of no traveling in family, Orihime had suggested a family day here, in their house. To catch up, to brag about how Kazui was able to carry his head by himself and how close he was to sit steadily. Yuzu and Karin could see their brother and nephew, and Isshin could discuss with his daughter-in-law. Strangely enough, the idea was immediately accepted when it was Orihime that talked it out. And so now, the two young parents would prepare their small home for the rest.

Ichigo came back into the room, Kazui sniffling in his arms, little hands gripping his father’s shirt. The man was shushing him, rocking the boy slowly and repeating everything was alright.

“You’re hurting? I’m sorry baby… It should stop soon… Didn’t the doc say it lasted like, 8 days for a crisis? It’s been 6 days…” Ichigo asked, finger going to his son’s mouth so he could massage his gums, anything for the pain to be lessened.

“Maybe he’s hungry too… Here, give him to me.” Orihime answered, sitting up against the bed and opening her arms. Ichigo carefully placed the infant in her embrace, giving him a light peck on the forehead. Kazui shuffled a little but smiled when he saw his mother.

Orihime made some funny gurgles, talking to her boy with a high voice, trying to get him in a better mood until he got something to eat. Ichigo watched the scene with a smile and stretched his back, sighing.

“Should get things ready before the horde arrives.” Ichigo joked, walking to the bathroom near their room to get some water on his face. That should help wake him up.

He heard the funny noise die down as Orihime breastfed their son. Ichigo didn’t need to be next to them to know she was smiling down at him tenderly, and Kazui was certainly looking up at her with the same brown eyes filled with amazement. At least they were in calm waters for now…

.

.

.

By the time it was 9:30, Kazui was set to stay in the living room and play with Ichigo in his cute outfit. Orihime and Ichigo themselves were ready, preparing their small house for the arrival of his family, but nothing too fancy. In Ichigo’s opinion, they didn’t need to have balloons floating around, or a cake ready when it was still morning.

“And right at this moment, that giant ice cream cone yelled at me to run far from the bean paste, but I just couldn’t! How can you choose between two of your favorite things?” Orihime asked, hands on her hips, eyes wide as saucers, clearly expecting an answer from her husband, who definitely knew she had to stop eating sweets before going to sleep.

“Um… Yeah, but that bean paste was clearly trying to eat you… So I’d say, you listen to ice cream.” It was silly to answer her about her own very silly dreams while holding Kazui up so he could experiment walking. But that kind of silly was always welcomed.

Orihime shook her head with a pout, but was interrupted by the sound of someone pressing the doorbell. She got up from her seat, fixing her dress slightly before opening the door with a big smile.

“Yuzu! Karin! Hi!” She hugged them both preciously, the twins greeting her in response. Stepping back, she looked around to see Isshin wasn’t behind them, and frowned, worried.

“Don’t worry about dad, he’ll arrive quickly. We were just ahead so he could work on another file before coming.” Karin explained, waving a hand as her sister cooed at the interesting picture of Ichigo holding Kazui by his hands, the little boy not knowing what to do with the two jelly legs he possessed.

“Ichi! Aw, let me get a picture!”

“Yuzu stop! No! Not a picture come on!”

Karin placed a bag near the door, observing with a satisfied smile her brother being taken advantage of, unable to escape or fight the will of his own sister and his wife.

“Are… No, I can’t hold him… I’ll drop him!”

“No, you won’t. Come on, he’s your nephew, you gotta hold him once in your life.”

Karin frowned, Yuzu prepared her phone for yet another picture and Orihime held up Kazui to Karin, reassuring her that he wouldn’t end up on the floor. The baby seemed to not mind, appreciating any hands that carried him, knowing none would harm him. Ichigo was like an eagle, not even blinking while he stared at his sister, the black-haired girl grumbling a little at how she was forced. But really, she wasn’t.

“Is… Like that, okay? Is that good?” She asked, infant stuck in her arms, and Orihime nodded.

“Yes, just like that. See? It wasn’t too complicated.”

“Yeah… But I didn’t expect him to be so… Heavy? No, not heavy… But he’s not as light as I thought he’d be.”

“He’s growing. Of course he’ll be heavier than at his birth.” Ichigo remarked, snickering at the grimace Karin sent him.

Orihime smiled brightly at the two bickering siblings. Ichigo used to not joke around with his sisters, too busy mopping his anger and pain in his corner, but now, he was having a great time annoying the twins. She guessed it was something older brothers did.

Isshin opened the door loudly, singing about finally seeing his grandson and daughter-in-law again after so long, the ridiculous amount of baby gifts in his hands falling on the floor as he walked in. Now, as to why Isshin, out of all people, had a key to their house, Ichigo was not willing to say. He had chosen Yuzu to have it first, but she had lost it for a good day, and the panic it brought was a cold shower to everyone, to the point Karin mentioned Isshin as the best key keeper out of the three of them.

Which, of course, was true. Since he was an adult and all. But he was still Isshin. Loud, impulsive and horribly annoying Isshin.

“How is he?? Aw, look at him in his cute little clothes! Oh yes, you look just like your dada when he was your age Kazui! Although, thank God you have your mama’s smile!” He cooed at the baby, who of course didn’t understand a single word, but the mere expression and intonation pulled his smile up, showing just a few teeth. Isshin gasped and tickled the baby’s tummy. “Oh, yes, you already have such cute little gums!”

Orihime laughed at the voice Isshin always took whenever Kazui was around, and freed him from the many plushies he had gathered in his arms.

“Oh, thank you, Orihime. So, is everything doing alright for you three?” He questioned, straightening up and looking at the woman. Of course, as a doctor, he’d ask this question with real interest.

“Yes, we’re all fine. Kazui is still having a bit of a crisis from time to time, but we manage to handle it well. And Ichigo is getting better and better at handling Kazui.” She smiled, whispering the last part in a conspiratorial tone. Her husband heard her, and with a blush, frowned in her general direction.

Isshin grinned at the exchange, but didn’t tease his son further. It was strange how one day he was grumpy, and the next, he and Orihime walked into his house to tell him they were dating. From that moment, his son was like a stranger: offering help to do this or that house chores, hesitantly discussing with his family, feeling happy and calm around them… And now that he was a father, he hardly ever yelled at Isshin anymore. Of course, he was still mad at him for being the silly old man he always had been, but Ichigo seemed to be mindful of what his own son was going to grow up to.

By the time Kazui was hungry again, Orihime excused herself as she picked the infant and walked back to her room, giving Isshin the opportunity to talk with Ichigo.

“So… How are you handling all of that?”

Ichigo raised his head from the table, placing another plate on the surface and shrugging his shoulders.

“Well… We’re happy. I think that’s what matters. Orihime and I are working, so it’s a good thing, even if we wish we could be around Kazui more. And Kazui is growing up…” He turned silent after that, the timid smile he had on his face stilling.

Isshin tapped his back lightly.

“You’re doing a good job Ichigo. Although you became a father early, you’re doing your best for him and for your wife. Honestly, you can be proud of yourself.”

The orange-haired man shook his head with amusement, gazing at his goat chinned father.

“I tell myself that. But soon he’ll be able to stand on his own, or even talk… And we’ll have to teach him everything about this crazy world of ours… Things about Shinigamis and Hollows, Arrancars even, so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Isshin looked around the room to his daughters, watching as they discussed on which fluffy plushy was the cutest.

“Your sisters only knew after a good while. But don’t worry about that. Kazui will have a lot of people to teach him, and all these people will keep him safe. Plus… I’m pretty sure he will be safe with the amazing parents he has.”

Ichigo’s eyes opened wide, tenderness and surprise taking the lead in his mixed emotions. Isshin was right : Orihime and he were not alone in this. People from Karakura, the Soul Society and the others stuck between the two would help them keep their child safe. Keep him from being hurt. That simple but truthful knowledge made him gasp for air, relaxed and thankful.

The young man nodded, throat a bit too tight for him to talk in his usual confident tone. Orihime walked back in, Kazui looking sated and in a good mood as his mother placed him in Yuzu’s eager arms.

“You know… I, guess it’s strange for everyone to see me like that… Not yelling at you for goofing around. But Orihime told me she felt that this excitement I almost resented a few years back, this closeness with family members, she thought it was the right way to be wife the family you loved. She wants Kazui to grow up surrounded with love and joy, and I want that too for him.” He scratched the back of his neck, eyes on his sisters then on Orihime. “I still think you’re a silly old man that makes way too much noise. But… I’m happy you’re Kazui’s grandfather, and my father.”

It was Isshin’s turn to have his eyes become the size of tennis balls, tears rushing up. He needed to hold it down, to not explode with joy, to not ruin the moment by hugging his son that had more or less told him he loved him, after so long. So, instead, he ruffled his son’s new short hair.

“It’s my greatest pride to be part of this beautiful family.”

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Aaaaaaand day 3!

More than 2100 words, I like that hehe

I thought about writing Kazui to be taller so he could be asking this or that question or be a cute lil cutie pie, but since I visited a family member who recently had a child, heh, I was more inspired in writing an infant.

Don't hesitate to review this, and see you tomorrow for day 4!

[cocogukkie]

2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you) 

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020) 

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple) 

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one. 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!! 

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020)  & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019) 

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists! 

[robininthelabyrinth]

Good Help - chapter 3 - ao3 link

-

Everyone was required to come to the Nightless City to pay homage to the Emperor, no matter their status, and any number of sects had chosen to pay another visit during the Emperor’s absence – whether in search of profit or merely credit for fulfilling their duties, preferably without the risk of incurring their volatile Emperor’s attention.

One of those sects was Lanling Jin.

Meng Yao felt both disappointment and relief when he learned that Jin Guangshan would not be coming himself, declining on the grounds that it was just too miserable to go without his good friend the Emperor there, though it was far more likely that he didn’t want to have to acknowledge the presence of Meng Yao, standing there in the Emperor’s place. Instead, his father sent his one legitimate son and heir, Jin Zixuan, and Jin Zixuan brought his wives.

The rumors of friendship between Wen Ruohan and Jin Guangshan were exaggerated for effect, in Meng Yao’s opinion, but there must be some basis to it. Otherwise, there was no way Jin Zixuan would have been allowed to hold such a treasure in his hands: he had married the last survivors of the Jiang clan, Jiang Yanli and her younger brother Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Yanli, at least, was considered a prize, given that she brought with her the bloodline and legitimacy of a former Great Sect and had at least a technical claim to a frankly eye-popping dowry, should the Emperor ever decide to allow her to reclaim the ownership of the Lotus Pier, even if in practice the place had been rapidly converted into a pleasure palace by his second son.

Jin Zixuan had managed to win that race, having had the advantage of being already engaged to Jiang Yanli since birth, his mother having apparently been friends with the former Madame Jiang, known better as Madame Yu. Given Jin Zixuan’s character – not known to be especially good at either politics or finance – Meng Yao was of the belief, as were many people, that he had only taken Jiang Cheng as a bride in order to please his wife by saving the life of her younger brother after the Jiang sect was destroyed, since Jiang Cheng, the son of a fallen clan, represented little more than a gigantic target on the back of anyone who might claim him.

Of course, rather than admit it, Jin Zixuan denied all such rumors and maintained consistently that he had been in love with both of them, desperately, and that had been the reason he’d petitioned for the right of marriage.

(Meng Yao also heard rumors that Wen Ruohan had found his insistence funny and agreed to the match on the condition that their marriage bed be witnessed, which sounded very much in line with what he knew of Wen Ruohan’s character – he would have enjoyed forcing them to consummate their fake marriage, luxuriated in their humiliation, and laughed when they failed to look each other in the eye later. Still, what wasn’t worth doing to preserve a life?)

At any rate, regardless of anything else, Jin Zixuan was still the Emperor’s subject, and therefore he had to come pay homage the same as anyone else. Meng Yao’s brother by blood (although frustratingly not by law) had trouble looking directly at Meng Yao during the ceremony, but he managed to conduct the ritual of swearing loyalty moderately well regardless, with no indications of disrespect and perfect etiquette. It was only after, when Meng Yao had maliciously invited him to share a cup of tea to extend the duration of the awkwardness, that something broke – and it wasn’t Jin Zixuan at all.

“Is it true?” Jiang Cheng asked abruptly, the first words he’d said in this visit, and Meng Yao turned to look at him even as Jin Zixuan’s face turned pale. “That the Emperor started fucking Huaisang?”

Huaisang, Meng Yao thought, rolling the name around in his mouth – was A-Sang originally a Jiang, then?

But no, if he was, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have that look of desperation on his face, of longing and despair; whoever this Huaisang had been in his previous life, before he’d become an Imperial Consort, he’d been someone that Jiang Cheng had been close to. Maybe someone he had even lost his heart to.

Interesting.

Or, well – interesting, but ultimately irrelevant.

“I have no insight into the Emperor’s personal affairs,” Meng Yao said, calm and placid as ever. “Especially while he is far away on a long voyage.”

Jiang Cheng scowled at him, but his sister put her hand on his shoulder and he subsided, still looking upset.

Meng Yao decided to show pity as a stratagem to put Jin Zixuan into his debt, and said, affecting a tone of mild sympathy, “I have no reason to think that he is based on his conduct before leaving, and I understand that his travels were motivated by a search for a spiritual item capable of improving cultivation. It may be that he took Imperial Consort A-Sang with him on account of the Consort’s reputed scholarly achievements.”

To the extent A-Sang had any scholarly achievements other than carting around a scholar’s fan, anyway.

Jiang Cheng still scowled, but his shoulders relaxed a little, and Jiang Yanli sent Meng Yao a grateful look.

Jin Zixuan seemed only a little moved, picking up his tea cup and continuing the former conversation without a hitch, but when everything was done he unexpectedly reached out and caught Meng Yao’s arm.

Meng Yao tensed, but Jin Zixuan took no movement against him, only looked at him. “It was an unexpected pleasure to meet you,” he said, nothing he couldn’t have said without touching, but then his hand shifted and Meng Yao felt the prickle of paper beneath his palm.

Meng Yao put a smile on his face and said some pleasantries, and as soon as Jin Zixuan left he looked at the note he’d been smuggled.

You are being targeted, it said, which – was rather unhelpful, actually.

“He couldn’t have included more details of who, what, or when?” Meng Yao complained to A-Jue later, making sure to look piteous out of habit even though he knew A-Jue didn’t believe him at all. Or at least, he shouldn’t by this point, or else Meng Yao’s lessons on how to detect a liar were all going to waste. “I don’t know if it’s because it’s me that he didn’t want to commit to saying too much, there is that awkwardness there, but it’s not like I don’t know people are trying to kill me. I’m the Emperor’s viceroy! I’ve been making changes left and right in his absence, some of them extremely unpopular –”

And yet others that were extremely popular. He’d known the Watchtower idea would win him acclaim among the common people, and that even if the smaller sects complained about the encroachment at first they would soon – or at least, eventually – realize that it was in their own best interest.

“ – and really. He left a note! Why be ominous and vague in a note?”

“Perhaps he meant something more general,” A-Jue said.

Meng Yao looked at him, and A-Jue shrugged, averting his eyes. The action – so obviously indicating that he had something to say and wasn’t saying it for whatever reason – should have irritated Meng Yao, but by now he’d grown to find A-Jue’s thorough inability to dissemble directly rather adorable. Such a big man, older than Meng Yao, and he still blushed when he tried to lie to your face.

“You can go on,” Meng Yao coaxed. “I’m not going to be angry.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m five.”

“Who’s a big boy who knows something he’s not saying? You are, yes, you are!”

A-Jue tried to look disapproving but ended up having to hide his sniggering into his sleeve. “That’s more like you’d treat a dog, viceroy Meng. Not that you’d know, given how much you hate them.”

“I don’t hate dogs,” Meng Yao said. “I gave Jin Zixuan’s eldest a spiritual dog just last year, a husky. It’s gigantic man-eaters I object to.”

“Northern mountain dogs are a bit large,” A-Jue conceded, a little reluctantly, but in fairness at his size the mountain dogs were probably proportional in size to regular dogs. Actually, A-Jue’s accent, however blurred by time and assimilation, suggested he was from somewhere to north of the Nightless City – maybe he’d drunk the same water as the dogs growing up, explaining how he reached his current heights. “And aren’t you the one who’s always saying that you only keep things from people that they don’t need to know?”

“I like being the person to decide who needs to know what,” Meng Yao said. “Now, you clearly want to tell me, so tell me already.”

A-Jue sighed. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the job is supposed to kill you?”

Meng Yao frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the Emperor’s viceroy,” A-Jue said. “He appointed you, and then he immediately left you alone to more or less run the entirety of his domain – he gave you the power of authority, to speak with his voice. That’s a pretty big promotion from chief torturer, wouldn’t you say?”

Meng Yao would not describe being the deputy in charge of the Fire Palace as ‘chief torturer’ – prisons required a great deal of management, he wasn’t just torturing people anymore – but he couldn’t exactly say that A-Jue was wrong.

He’d enjoyed his success, but he’d been startled by it, too. He’d had to fight and scheme for every last thing that he’d ever wanted, before this, and while he’d had to do more than a bit of tussling to keep this role over the overtures of the other deputies, it did sometimes feel as though this promotion came a little too easily, too suddenly.

“What do you think, then?” he asked, folding his hands together under his sleeves so no one could see how his nails dug into his flesh. If there was one thing he truly hated, it was the scorn of others, of those who thought they were better than him.

Being schemed against was a very close second.

“Some of your policies are in fact very unpopular,” A-Jue said. “Even though we both know that they’re necessary…the Emperor would know that they were necessary, too.”

“You think he wants me as what? A scapegoat?”

Wen Ruohan didn’t pay attention to things like popularity, officially taking the position that strength was all that mattered, and yet only a fool ignored such things entirely, and Wen Ruohan was no fool.

“The Emperor is friends with Jin Guangshan,” A-Jue said quietly. “Not merely for show, and although Jin Guangshan does exaggerate it somewhat, it’s not as much as people think. Before he became Emperor, back when they were peers, they would often spend time together, do things together…and your existence offends Jin Guangshan. People laugh at him for not having accepted you back then.”

That was as Meng Yao wanted. He’d wanted to rub into his father’s face how stupid he’d been – and Jin Guangshan had done nothing, had just taken it, and in retrospect that seemed rather uncharacteristic of someone of his reputation.

“So, what?” he asked, ignoring the blood on his nails from where his flesh could no longer take the pressure. “You think he’s pressing the Emperor to have me executed for failing to live up to his expectations?”

“Maybe,” A-Jue said. “And perhaps the Emperor has incentivized others to try to make you fail.”

Having people try to kill a stand-in would be a very effective way to see how those same people would try to kill you. It wasn’t a bad plan, not really, but Meng Yao really didn’t appreciate it when it was aimed at him.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Meng Yao said. “I will not fail. I will succeed, and so thoroughly that even the Emperor will be unable to deny my success – he enjoys being thought of as someone who rewards merit, and killing me would just be seen as petty. He won’t do it. I have my brain, my talent, my competence – I won’t let him.”

Assuming, of course, that he survived until Wen Ruohan’s return.

“You have me, too,” A-Jue said.

It was a nice sentiment, Meng Yao thought, and patted A-Jue on the shoulder, and A-Jue didn’t even flinch this time. He didn’t expect that A-Jue really meant it, of course – A-Jue was a guard of the inner hall, and to get that sort of position he had to be loyal to Wen Ruohan first and foremost – but it was nice of him to say it regardless.

Meng Yao wondered, briefly, if now was a good time to let his hand linger on A-Jue’s shoulder, to turn the contact into a caress. He didn’t think he’d even need to order A-Jue to his bed at this point, although he’d be more than willing to do so if A-Jue liked things like that – he was moderately sure that A-Jue sincerely liked him, and that there was more to that liking than mere friendliness or even the stirrings of loyalty. If he asked, or even just indicated interest, A-Jue would probably come to him entirely of his own volition.

And yet…

Meng Yao removed his hand, turning the conversation forcefully to some other subject, much to A-Jue’s evident relief. He was too busy, he told himself. There was no time to spend on dalliances.

And anyway –

He’d had his fill of sharing with Wen Ruohan.

[writesowhatnext]

are you sure he’s your favourite weasley? // george weasley

Summary: reader finally gets to see George after months apart – he might be a little jealous but that won’t stop their fun… correction, your fun.

Request: Can you do a George Weasley imagine during the Half Blood Prince where he and his girlfriend reunite over Christmas at the Burrow since she is the Trios age so she’s still at Hogwarts while he left the year prior and he finds out that Harry took his girlfriend (as a friend) as his date to Slughorn’s party so he is jokingly jealous/pranks Harry? Bonus if she jokingly tells him the only person he should be worried about her leaving him for is Ginny since they’re BFFs. I love your work btw!

A/N: this was super cute to write so I hope you enjoy

Reader: female

Warnings: none? I think?

Whilst you’d hoped your sixth year would be easier and less chaotically You-Know-Who driven, it proved to be exactly the opposite. The summer had been amazing: you’d got nine OWLs, nearly as many as Hermione, and then spent the rest of your time at the Burrow with the Weasleys. Spending time at the Burrow was your favourite, it meant you could see George. And you loved to see George. Before the school year started, you’d gone with everyone else to get new school supplies and managed to spot him at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Seeing him so happy made your heart sing. But the few months after had been hard. After Harry’s theories about Draco and that sodding potions textbook, you were tired and without George, it was so much harder.

You missed him. You missed their stupid pranks and his stupid grin. You missed the way he’d shout for you down the corridor and creep up behind you to scare you and wrap his arm around your waist. You missed the making out and bickering and making up and though you wrote each other almost every day, you missed just having him there with you. He was the first person you wanted to see when you woke up and he was the first person you wanted to tell that you made the Quidditch team – a beater just like him. It disappointed you that he wouldn’t be there to cheer you on in the stands like you were sure he’d want to but to his credit, he did try. He sent you a howler after your first match, complete with shouting and whistles.

“Y/N YOU ARE BLOODY BRILLIANT, YOU ARE. I JUST KNEW HOW AMAZING YOU’D BE. MY LITTLE BEATER… A GENIUS YOU ARE. I BET YOU GAVE ‘EM HELL.” He’d said.

“Well done, Y/N! Won’t shut up about you, he won’t.” Fred called in the background.

“I CAN’T WAIT TO BE YOUR CHEERLEADER. I’D BE SHOUTING MY HEAD OFF THAT YOU’RE MY GIRLFRIEND...”

The howler continued for about four more minutes. Harry and Ron had groaned and taken the piss but you didn’t care, and neither did they, really. Ron, especially, found that he didn’t completely hate your relationship with his brother. George sent you letters every day to tell you about how the shop was doing, Fred too and the rest of his family. You told him everything: from the incident with Katie Bell and the necklace to Ron and Hermione’s incessant arguing. You were both convinced they just needed a good shag. Not seeing him had gotten to you, honestly, and you were counting down the days till you could see him at the Burrow for Christmas.

“Blimey, Y/N, you’ve not been listening to a thing we’ve said.” Ron complained on the train back from Hogwarts. You opened your mouth to reply but you had no rebuttal; he was right.

“You can’t blame her, really; you’re not very interesting, Ronald.” Hermione said pointedly, looking at Ron. Their arguing had been reaching a high point lately. You looked at Harry, raising your eyebrows.

“Give off, Ron, Y/N is just excited to see George, right?” Harry tried to diffuse the tension.

“She’s not the only one,” Ron snorted. “George won’t bloody shut up about it. Y/N this. Y/N that.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend. He was such a muppet sometimes.

The train ride back to King’s Cross Station was the longest journey you’d ever sat through; you all but leapt from your seat when you arrived in London. You ignored Hermione’s side-eye at your vibrating excitement, and Ron only complained once when you left them to find George. It took you a few moments to spot the group of gingers in the crowd. George was standing next to Fred, looking around for you. You could tell them apart a mile away, especially when George spotted you and his face lit up. You rushed towards him, dropping your trunk and jumping into his arms. He wrapped his arms around you, spinning you amidst the mocking whistles of Fred and Mrs. Weasley’s cooing.

“You, my love,” George said, putting you down and pulling away, holding your face in his hands. “Have no clue how much I’ve missed you.”

“I beg to differ.” You smiled as he kissed you, hands winding around his neck as his found your waist and dipped you backwards.

“I feel sick.” Ron muttered, earning an eye-roll from Hermione.

On the trip back to the Burrow, you and George could barely keep your hands off each other. While you were sure George was shameless about doing dirty things with his parents right there, you were not. He was happy enough, though, just to have his arm thrown over your shoulders, lips pressed to your temple every so often. When you reached the Burrow, it was a flurry of unpacking and orders from Mrs. Weasley.

“Thank you for having us, Mrs.-“ she shot you a reprimanding look. “Molly.”

“It’s not a problem, my dear. I love having my future daughter-in-law around.”

She shot you a wink and turned away, busying herself with helping Ginny. You were shocked at her words, momentarily not seeing George behind you.

“Mum’s a bit much, sorry.” He said, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your head. “Not wrong, though, if I have anything to say about it.”

After dinner, you all sat together around the fire. You and George sat joined at the hip, playing with each other’s hands.

“I like writing you letters, and all, but this is so much better.” He said, pulling you closer by the waist and whispering in your ear. “It would be even better if my family weren’t here.” He bit the shell of your ear, earning a giggle.

“I missed you, George.”

“Are you getting soppy on me?”

You mock gasped. “I would never.”

He poked a finger into your side, relishing the sound of your laughter.

“Oh, give over you two.” Ron groaned, face full of disgust.

“Shut up, Ron. Just because you’ve never had a proper girlfriend.” Hermione retorted. Fred and George made ‘ooh’ing noises, making the situation worse.

“I’m dating Lavender Brown!” he said incredulously. “Just because you went to Slughorn’s stupid party with McLaggen, that git.”

Hermione’s expression turned murderous for a second before she huffed and crossed her arms.

“Don’t be so rude, Ron.” Molly insisted.

Ginny, although enjoying Ron’s discomfort, changed the subject for Hermione’s sake. It had nothing to do with any sort of crush she had, obviously.

“Who did you go with again, Harry?” she asked, identical grins spreading on the twins’ faces.

“Yeah, Harry.” Fred goaded.

“Who did you go with?” George added in a girly high-pitched voice.

You frowned, confused. Surely, you’d mentioned to him about the party.

“Y/N?” Harry replied, equally confused. His face pinked at the teasing.

“What?” George asked, face dropping. “I didn’t know that.”

You looked at his pout, a smile growing on your face. Ginny took the words right out of your mouth when she leant forward, smirking. She shot you a conspiratorial look.

“George, are you jealous?”

“What?” he said, leaning back. He blushed. “Don’t be a prat, of course not.”

“I don’t know, George…” Fred began, looking at you.

“You do seem a little jealous.” You finished, raising your eyebrow. You watched your boyfriend squirm under the stares of his family and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I mean,” you turned to Fred, enjoying yourself far too much. “Harry is quite dashing.”

“He is the chosen one, after all.” Fred smirked at you, both of you enjoying the teasing.

“True. A very talented wizard.”

“Excellent snogger, I’m told.”

“Alright, you two, enough.” George muttered, jabbing his fingers into your sides to make you laugh. He carried on until you were begging him to stop, tears in your eyes as the others watched, smiling. He watched you recover with a grin.

“I bet you think you’re hilarious, don’t you?”

“Who said I was joking?”

His face soured completely. When you laughed again, trying in between giggles to kiss him, he avoided you. He tried to be stoic but you could see the humour in his eyes.

“Oh, Georgie…” you cooed, kissing the side of his lips sweetly. “You don’t need to worry about Harry at all. You know how much I love you.”

He pursed his lips, visibly melting at your words.

“If you’re feeling jealous, you should probably be worried about Ginny. You know how close we are.”

George’s face dropped again and you couldn’t help but snigger, turning to Ginny. She winked at you before her head dropped back and she laughed, shoulders bouncing.

“Oi!” George was indignant. “That’s not funny.”

You and Ginny’s laughter echoed through the Burrow and whilst George wanted to be mad, he couldn’t deny how happy it was about how well you got on with his family.

“You two are not funny.” He insisted, unable to hide his smile.

He couldn’t deny how much he missed you when you weren’t around.

[spencstan]

Six of Crows re-read

(i also did this for the shadow and bone trilogy so read that if you want to)

spoiler alert obiously

i'm SO EXCITED FOR THIS this is my comfort book (with crooked kingdom of course)

JOOST HI

oo fun fact this was my first grishaverse book and i read it with no context whatsoever except that the mc is an emo boy and morally grey

so IMAGINE my pure confusion when JOOST appeared

i was like ?????? weird take on morally grey character but ok

joost trying to figure out how to flirt with a girl is a mood

anyone wanna teach us how to???

i kinda wanna skip this part so i can see the crows..

but i won't don't worry

(won't I?

"I think Yuri may be quarantined"

aaaand?

so are we you are not special

i feel like it's very important for me to mention that i read this book in spanish first

and then i got into the fandom and i was like who the fuck is the wraith? i only know El Espectro

Heartender who??? ooo you mean Cardio

Tidemakers? nope, i only know Maremotores

for real i was so confused i had to re-read it in english (not that i mind tho)

say whatever you want about the spanish version but we have to agree that this design is pretty af

another one yay: "Retvenko was a Squaller" vs. "Retvenk era un Impulsor"

(should i also say that in my pfd english version the book is 294 pages long and in my pdf spanish version its 532????) (i think it's because in the english one the speces are way less like the lines are so close together wtf

i've decided that i'm bored so i'll be skiping this chapter

anya is super badass tho

skdgfalsdgfliaysvfascvhjl yesssssss inej

Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

KAZ

INEJ

I MISSED THEM

omg now i can picture amita and freddy SDJGKASKGLASG THIS IS AMAZING

we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to watch the shadow and bone trailer once again to hear freddy's beautiful voice

ok moving on!

now hear me out i'm giving you all permission to make fun of kaz for this one: Dirtyhands = Manos Sucias

hello i am Kaz Manos Sucias. nice to meet you!

AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

JESPER FAHEY

JESPER LOVE HI

SJDGHFKAHSGDLAJSDFSJ,AHFLHDSGF

I MISSED HIM OMG

OMG NOW I CAN PICTURE HIM AS KIT

can you tell jesper is one of my favourite characters?

i really love the fact that kaz is pissed about the murder of that ambassador ONLY because he can´t figure out how it happen

he´s such a nerd

i can't believe one of the firts things we hear jesper say is threathen to kill someone by writing "forgive me" with bullets

AND HE CALLS HIS GUNS "BABIES" OMG

picture saying hi baby and wylan thinkin he's talking to him but actually jesper's talking to one of his guns

Jesper rolled his eyes. "It's about sending a message. What's the point of a dead guy with forg written on his chest?."

"Compromise," Kaz said. "I'm sorry does the trick and uses fewer bullets."

ooo thank god we have kaz to come up with creative solutions /j /s

honestly i love how they talk about kaz's cane like it's the scariest weapon ever (which it kind of is)

nothing will ever disappoint me more than finding out that in english their gang name is "the Dregs". like i don't even know for sure what that means

in spanish is "Los Indeseables" (the undesirables?) which sounds a lot more badass

no hate tho i like the dregs

but i was confused af bc i expected it to be sometihng like "the undesirables" or"the unwanted" or whatever

and it said "the dregs"

which in the translator means something like shit or something

anways moving on:

If he'd (kaz) ever been a little boy

i love how lowkey all the crows think he was just born exactly like he is now

imagine a baby kaz all dressed in black and threatening people

cute

"No mourners," Jesper said as he tossed his rifle to Rotty

"No funerals," the rest of the Dregs murmured in reply. Among them, it passed for "good luck".

YES

YESSS

i wonder what wylan's doing right now :))

i can't wait for the next book where he has a pov

the first time i read this book i literally looked at the title of every chapter to see if he ever got one (i was disappointed to say the least :((((

Besides, she was the Wraith - the only law that applied to her was gravity, and some days she defied that, too.

ma'am

marry me please

i'm gonna cry so hard once the show is out and we get to see inej omg

me simp

That Kaz had chosen Jesper to be one of his seconds was no surprise. Twitchy as Jepser was, with or without his revolvers, he was at his best in a fight, and she knew he'd do anything for Kaz.

idk why but i just love it every time kaz implies or shows that he cares or trusts jesper

it makes me soft

But every one of Inej's senses told her that was not how this was going to play out. Her father would have said the shadows were about their business tonight. Something bad was going to happen here.

underrated saying from Inej's father right there

"I'm a business man," he told her."No more, no less"

"You're a thief, Kaz."

"Isn't that what I just said?"

i-

i see no lies here

not to be annoying but i hc jesper as adhd (i mean is pretty much as canon as wylan's dyslexia) so i'm gonna write here every time i see evidence :)

jesper with adhd part 1: impulsivity

Jesper snorted. "Stomach, spine. What's next, spleen?"

"Shut it" Oomen snarled. The rules of parley dictated that only the lieutenants could speak once negotiations had begun. Jesper mouthed "sorry" and elaboratedly pantomimed locking his lips shut.

he know he couldn't speak but couldn't stop himself from making a comment (i relate way too much to that lmao)

hoestly poor jesper he had to watch hid friend get shot and kaz do nothing about it

i would've been mad too

"I like it when men beg," she said. "But this isn't the time for it"

KAHGFAHLGSFGASFLGSAFS

this is one of the best quotes in the book by far

YASSS KAZ POV

Kaz could have tol Jesper that he knew he wasn't dirty, reminded him that he'd trusted him eough to make him his only real second in a fight that could have gone badly wrong tonight.

cute

but kaz is petty af

he didn't even have a reason not to tell jesper that!

i love that kaz knows inej is following him but doesn't say anything because he wants to wait until she's ready

i LOVE the scene where kaz in in the van eck mantion /srs

idk why but it's so good

And, of course, there was the mystery of Van Eck's son.

wonder what that could be!!! /s

He grinned at her (...)

"Hmm." she said noncommittally, pretending to examine one of her knives, determined to ignore that grin.

KANEJ YESS

HE'S BASICALLY SHOWERING IN FRONT OF HER OMG

this is so funny poor inej is getting flustered

"And I'll need Wylan waiting at the Crow Club tomorrow night."

YES WYLAN OMG

One minute he made her blush and the next he made her want to commit murder

happens to the best of us :/

"Please, my darling Inej. treasure of my heart won't you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?"

if kaz doesn't say this on the show we riot

agreed?

it's so amazing how nina found a way to use her powers to get money instead of having to like steal and murder like the rest in the gang

NINA'S POV YESSS HIII

nina and inej omg

their friendship is just perfect

POOR MATTHIAS HE HAS TO FIGHT THE WOLVES

i would straight up cry

Matthias was dreaming again. Dreaming of her

i'm gonna cry damn it

this is the enemies-to-lovers we all needed

jesper has adhd part 2:

"Jesper was supposed to wait until three bells." said the pale boy

"It is three bells, Kaz." replied a small girl (...)

"Since when is Jesper punctual?" the boy complained with a glance at his watch

the time blindness come one

(btw i love the fact that kaz plans around jesper's time blindness instead of like threatening him to be on time)

i really love how every one feels the need to take the time to say/think that the masks are ugly

its so unnecessary lmao

yessss inej is a badass that kills monster we stan

and matthias is lowkey impressed lmao

as he should

"Thank you, Jesper," said Nina

"You're very welcome, gorgeous. See, Kaz? That's how the civilised folk do"

THESE TWO OMG

JESPER IS THE LOML

INEJ OMG LOOK:

She stepped aside as if she's known he was coming, languidly hooking her heel behind his ankle. Matthias let out a loud grunt as he landed on the stones

(...) "Clumsy, this one," the bronze girl said impassively.

i-

that's what happen when you underestimate her bitch

AAAAAAA

PEOPLE

PEOPLE

TIME TO FREAK OUT

WYLAN IS HERE

AND HE'S DOODLING STOP IT'S SO CUTE

ok jesper has adhd part 3 i think:

"Just how crazy is he?" asked Jesper, fingers drumming on the pearl handles of his revolvers.

ok first of all: stimming

second of all: hyperactivity

i rest my case

ok 2 or 3 things here

"I believe you know Nina," Brekker continued. "The lovely girl freeing you is Inej. (...) and this is Wylan, the best demolitions expert in the Barrel"

"Raske is better," Inej said

The boy looked up, ruddy gold hair flopping in his eyes, and spoke for the first time. "He's not better. He's reckless"

"He knows his trade"

"So do I"

ok 1: kaz calling inej lovely omg kanej

2: YES WYLAN STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF

2.5: kaz calling him the best cute af

3: honestly why do people think wylan is like an innocent soft boy or whatever. he's in a room full of murderers and thieves and the first thing he does is correct them and stand up for himself

like i wish i could do that

i would be crying like a bitch

AAAAAAAA

"Meet Wylan Van Eck"

KHDSGFALSGFIASGFAL

HI WYLAN BABY

YESSS JESPER'S POV NOW

I'M SO HAPPY also look at this it's the first thing in his pov

Jesper stared at Wylan

do i sense some wesper?????

ok everyone is being so mean to him right now

they are aclling him useless and an idiot and other shit

poor boy honestly he had to deal with this + taking part of a heist he is definetly not ready for + he has to hide the fact that he can't write or read

it so distrubing that kaz is literally the nicest one to wylan right now

"See that? Hidden depths." (...)"He's good enough at demo, and he's got a fine hand for sketching, thanks to all those pricey tutors."

(...)

"There you have it," Kaz said to Jesper. "Marketable skills. Wylan is watching you, Helvar"

GET READY

ARE Y'ALL READY?

OK THEN:

"Scheming face," Jesper whispered to Inej.

She nodded. "Definetly."

THEIR FRIENDSHIP OMG

AND THIS QUOTE

I NEED IT ON THE SHOW THEY BETTER GIVE IT TO US

"Who's Mark" damn wylan (but pretty good comeback to jesper tho)

"What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?

"Knife to the throat?" asked Inej.

"Gun to the back?" said Jesper.

"Poison in his cup?" suggested Nina.

"You're all horrible," said Matthias.

tag yourself i'm jesper

KJSFGAL kaz just told wylan to tell him everything he know about his dad's company

and he said he doesn't know and kaz was like "and you never looked trough his documents????

AND THEN HE GOT SAD AND SAID HE HADN'T (and kaz believed him this is sad)

AND NOW JESPER CALLED HIIM USELESS

ok you know i love you jes but if you keep this up

idk i can't do anything you're a sharpshooter

but stiiiiiil

LMAO MATTHIAS ACTUALLY THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT KAZ

nice try

demjin

*insert spongebob voice* demjin

WE'RE GONNA TAKE A MOMENT NOW TO APPRECIATE INEJ GAHFA

BECAUSE KAZ DOESN'T

The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.

*ugly crying*

Many boys will bring you flowers. But some day you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

*uglier crying*

TANTE HELLEN IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

SOMEONE PLEASE STAB HER FOR ME

jesper has adhd part ?? (i have dyscalculia you can't expect me to remember the number):

That sound - the swift, shocking report of gunfire - called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else.

do i really need to explain this?

ok just in case.. an adhd brain doesn't actually have a deficit of attention(the name just sucks) it's problem with controling that attention. the brain is always looking for new sources of dopamine which is why it shifts its focus so much

i love that jes thinks of matthias as "tha giant"

like sir

have you seen yourself?

you're tall af

HE GOT SHOT

WHY DID I FORGET JESPER GETS SHOT IN THE LEG HERE

"Close your eyes!"

"You can't kiss me from down there, Wylan"

"Just do it!"

i love the energy BUT NOW IT'S NOT THE TIME JES

YESS WYLAN SHOW THEM THEY WERE WRONG CALLING YOU USELESS

inej just stabed some guy int the d

good for her!

KAZ YESSSS HI

AWWW SHE'S WORRIED HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS CANE

KANEJ FOR LIFE

oh no wylan got shot too???? (just barely but stilllll por baby)

my Wraith omggg

ok 3 things about this:

Without another word, he tipped Oomen into the sea.

"No!" Wylan shouted, leaning over the railing, his face pale, stunned eyes tracking Oomen in the waves. (...)

Jesper set his hand on Wylan's shoulder. "Let it go."

"It's not right-"

"Wylan," Jesper said, giving him a little shake."Maybe your tutors didn't cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blook and a knife up his sleeve"

1. wesper yasssss

2. wylan just argued with a mant hat had just tacken the eye out of someone. he literally called him out for being an asshole. like damn wylan is brave af i love him

3. do you think seeing kaz trow the guy out of the boat reminded wylan of when the same thing happened to him???? this makes me sad

he's brave and a good person and i just-

"Man with a knife, remember?" he said over his shoulder.

"Man with a gun!" Jesper called after him

this had no right being so funny

AND THEN KAZ GAVE HIM THE MIDDLE FINGER STOP I CAN'T

nina is the biggest kanej shiper no one can tell me i'm wrong

unrelated but if jesper had gone to the Little Palace and had studied there with nina they 100% would've had a crush on Zoya and bonded over it

like you can't tell me those two bisexual disaster wouldn't be absolutely in love with Zoya

jesper has adhd part ??:

Jesper scrubbed the back of his neck, touched his hands to his gunds, returned to his neck. He always seemed to be in motions

hyperactivity right there

and restlessness

"Do you know the best way to find Grisha who don't want to be found?" (...)

"Seems to be if they don't want to be found, you should just let them be" (jesper says this)

this conversation must be so stressful to him omg

LMAO JESPER CUT MATTHIAS HAIR THIS IS SO FUNNY

AND HE SHAVED HIM

ok you all know i love all of them but they can be sooo stupid

like wylan wrote no names on the drawing and he's excuse is that he doesn't know fjerdan?

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN TRUE he literally said he learned school fjerdan which means he should know how to write it too (we know why he can't but the tohers don't)

and even then like the excuse doesn't make any sense. why would having the original name be usefull if no one can fucking read it????

the worst part tho? NO ONE QUESTIONED HIM

THEY WERE LIKE "yup makes sense" AND WENT ON WITH THEIR DAY

i wondered how they didn't figure wylan's secret sooner but now i now

it's because theya re idiots

"I'm just doing my job. Stop glaring at me"

wylan baby let's not make the gigant mad

Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost."

Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias ghost to kick your ghost's ass."

"My ghost won't associate with your ghost," Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.

i had to put this here i don't want to get murdered by the fandom

jesper, inej and nina have the BEST friendship

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JES AND INEJ TOGETHER ON NETFLIX

"I know some people don't understand, but Kaz told me ... he said it was my choice, that he wouldn't be the one to mark me again."

i love this because it happen when they had just met

he did it because he understands her trauma and he respects her not because he loves her (i doubt he did at the time)

Kaz had been impressed with the sketches. (...)

"Just learn to take a compliment. Kaz doesn't hand them out often."

I'M SO PROUD OF WYLAN

and yess kaz only compliments wylan (and inej but that's sarcastic so it doesn't count) because he's a proud dad

"And you don't belong here, either."

"I beg your pardon, merchiling?"

"We don't need a sharpshooter for Kaz's plan, so what's your job - other than stalking around making everyone angsty?"

He shrugged. "Kaz trusts me."

Wylan snorted and picked up his pen. "Sure about that?"

DAMN WYLAN DESTROYED HIM

also

"If you aren't born with every advantage, you learn to take your chances."

"I wasn't-" Wylan left off and set down his pen. (...)

aww cute neurodivergent boyfriends bonding

Wylan had turned back to his work, his disappointment obvious. For some reason, Jesper felt disappointed, too.

ajgflasjgfjagslfiuusgflgdfsgdflasdgfsd

wesper

aww jes checks on inej every morning and every night i love him

"Thank you for keeping me in this world when fate seemed determined to drag me to the next. I owe you a life debt."

Nina blushed deeply. "I was teasing, Inej"

LJFGALKGFALGA another cute friendship right there

(and i can see why people ship them romantically)

STOP INEJ AND JES ARE BONDING SO MUCH (page 127 so i can go back and read it lmao)

Van Eck writes to Wylan every week, and Wylan doesn't even open the letters

"They just said the same thing again and again: If you're reading this, the you know how much I wish to have you home. Or I pray that you read these words and think of all you've left behind."

should i kill him? anyone want to join me?

Inej bumped her shoulder against his."Then at least we're both the same kind of stupid." (...)

"You're too good for him, you know?"

"I know. So are you"

jes and her bonding over their stupid crush on a white boy

Because I've been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days.

jfsfdajdhmgkfutdjrgsg ok i can't blame them for having a crush on him anymore

this chapter is full of kanej i love it

"What do you want, then"

You, Inej. You forever.

jksdgfoagsdfgsdgfklasgdflaghsldfgksdgfkahgsdfghjlkf

kaz's backstory makes me sad

"When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm," said Kaz. (...)

"I´m gonna pay someone to burn my kruge for me."

Kaz fell into step beside him. "Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what big players do."

"You know what the really big bosses do? They pay someone to pay someone ...". Their voices trailed off as they tomped ahead, and Matthias and the others followed.

JES AND KAZ HAVE THE BEST CONVERSATIONS

i can't believe we get to see nina and matthias meet and their whole backstory in less than a month omg

"It's not natural for women to fight."

"It's not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand."

QUEEN

YOU TELL HIM

oh no the dead grisha

this part breaks my heart every time

"Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?"

.....i'm just gonna leave this quote right here

anyways acab

stop nina tried to kill the survivor so they wouldn't suffer but she couldn't do it

and jesper did it for her without hesitation i wanna cry

and inej didn't want to do it either i want to hug them

"Because our crime is existing. Our crime is what we are"

..........

i'm gonna leave this here again

do with it what you will

"Don't mock what you don't understand."

"My mockery offends you? My people would welcome you laughter in place of this barbarity"

i- this conversation is so important

AAAAA JES AND WY ARE A GREAT TEAM I LOVE THEM

WYLAN TROWS BOMBS TOGIVE JESPER TIME TO GET READY TO SHOOT

INEJ AND KAZ ARE A GREAT TEAM TOO

THEY LITERALLY DID THE SCENE LIKE IN THE AVENGERS (but without the shield WHICH MAKES IT BETTER)

Jesper shouldered his rifle. "Wylan earned his keep."

Wylan gave a little jump at the sound of his name. "I did?"

YES BABY YOU DID GREAT

kaz getting self-conscious for his hair is pure comedy

but nina how can you say that have you see his hair on the show???? it's perfect

"Remeber our friend Mark?"

HELP I CAN'T

"Any other impossible feats you'd like us to accomplish?"

The bearest smile flikered over Kaz's lips. "I'll make you a list."

once again jesper and kaz being besties

unrelated but nikolai and jesper would love each other

the amount of sass they have between them it's unparalleled

"Mmm," Inej murmured, taking a sip from her mug. "Maybe you're just not enough."

DAMN

ma'am marry me please

kaz fainted damn poor boy

unrelated unce again but this is so much betetr than shadow and bone

like you can tell leigh improved so much

her characters are better and their arcs are better developed

the writing itself it's better

or maybe i'm just biased because i love soc so much but i think she definetly improved

INEJ IS TRYING TO GIVE HIM SPACE EVEN WHEN SHE'S TRAPPED AND LOCKED ON THE WAGON

I JUST - THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO MUCH

Though he'd trusted her with his life countless times, it felt much more frightening to trust her with his shame.

Inej had once offered to teach him how to fall. "The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she's said, "the trick is in getting back up"

inej is smart af

Kaz was usually unshakeable during a job, but now he was on edge, and Jesper didn't know why. Part of him wanted to ask, though he knew that was the stupid part, the hopeful farmboy who picked the worst possible person to care about, who searched for signs in things that he knew deep down meant nothing - when kaz chose him for a job, when Kaz played along with one of his jokes. He could have kicked himself. He's finally seen the infamous Kaz Brekker without a stich of clothing, and he'd been too worried about ending up on a pike to pay proper attention.

ok i got a couple of things to say about this part

first of all it makes me so sad that jes cares so much for someone who dosn't deserve him. because no hate to kaz but they would never work as a couple and kaz already treats him like shit most of the time

i think this part shows who a lot about who jesper really is. a boy that grew up having to hide parts of himself, who thinks he's worth nothing but it's smart and capable, who's loyal and brave and caring but doesn't even know it himself. he's someone who feels he doesn't deserve good things and thinks he's not good enough, and that's why he unds up in all the wrong places with the wrong people. he left uni bc he fell in with the gangs, because he didn't think he was smart enough or even prepared to be in studying in the university. jesper is constantly hiding behind a mask or running from things because he's scared of not being enough

an kaz is everything jes in a way wishes he could be. kaz is secure in himself (at least on the outside), he's stable, he's smart, he's "unshakeable". and most of all, he doesn't care about others (we know that's not true but that's how he presents himself)

and that's the thing that causes jesper all his problems. because he's insecure because he thinks he's not good enough for the poeple or things he cares about. and he's always trying to do what's best for his loved ones: he went to the ice court to pay his debt for his father, he follows kaz everywhere beacause he cares about him, he offered to read to wylan (knowing it wouldn't be easy for him to be still that long).

and yeah it often doesn't work out becuase he's messy and he has problems but he tries. and he hates that. he hates that he cares so much about people because at the end of the day, that's what makes him feel like he's not good enough

one more thing and i'm done i promise

unpopular opinion but i love that leigh made jesper have a crush on kaz. 1 beacuse it's refreshing to see someone not get otgether with his first crush. and 2 because i love that it shows that we sometimes get attached to people that are not good for us, but that we can learn to move on. jesper ended with wylan who respects him and values him, unlike kaz

ok i'm sorry that was probably all bs

oo one more thing, jesper definetly has rsd (rejection sensitive disphoria), which is something most poeple with adhd have

"My father used to take me everywhere with him"

this is so sad. bc they probably had a good relationship when he was little. and then they figured he coudln't read and now his father treats him like shit

it's even worse than if he haf been horrible from the beginning because wylan knows he can be a good father. and so he thinks it's his fault and he deserves to be treated like that. i hate van eck

"You're cuter when you're smart"

(...)

"Definitely cuter when you're smart"

wesper yesssss

i love them so much

ok but why do people think jesper is stupid. like the boy just made a bunch of criminals pass out by mixing some chemicals

and he was going to the university at like 15

AAAAND NOW THEY KNOW HE'S A FABRIKATOR

amazing plot twist

also:

Wylan coughed. Flirting with him might actually be more fun that annoying him, but it was a close call.

oooo come on jesper we all know you just love getitng him to blush

and you love him

who said that? definitely not me, nope

awwww jesper misses being around animals that's cute

imagine him coming home to wylan one day with a puppy because he just couldn't resist

cute

Better terrible truths than kind lies

just leaving here more of inej's wisdom

ok this may be a reach but jesper has adhd part ???

Yellow Protocol? Red Protocol? He couldn't remember which was which. (...)

"The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance."

Jesper pushed at his temples. "I don't remember what that means"

a bad working memory? sounds familiar

kaz loves puzzles

it's canon

"I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue."

this part where wylan and jesper see the banner made with grisha's kefta kills me every time

I would have worn purple, Jesper thought, if I'd joined the Second Army. (...) He'd beenwilling, even eager to risk capture and execution as a thief and hired gun. Why was it worse to think about being hunted as a Grisha?

this makes me want to cry so much

another thing super sad: the fact that since his father is Kaelish and had some supersititons towards grisha, jesper grew up wondering if his own father was scared of him. he had to hide his powers and he was almost taught to be afraid of them

"Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up"

WYLAN

NO

damn the boy needs therapy

it's amazing how nothing went like they planned

not a single thing

PEOPLE GET READY

ARE YOU READY?

NEITHER AM I BUT WHO CARES

"What do you like?"

"Music. Numbers. Equations. They are not like words. They...they don't get mixed up."

ok dude the clues are right there he's basically saying it

"If only you could talk to girls in equations."

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, "Just girls?"

Jesper restrained a grin. "No. Not just girls." It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.

wylan really said a straight man?? couldn't be me

this is the definition of bi panic "jesper restrained a grin" bitch we saw that

btw i love the slow burn

like they hint something here but they don't actually start liking each other until much later and they don't get together until almost the end of ck

i also love that the fact that they both like guys is like out in the open now. bc i'm not a fan of when queer characters have a crush and there's the whole thing of "are they queer too or not?"

like they both know htey are queer. but they don't get together right away bc they have to start liking each other before. they don't get together bc they are the only queer mlm characters

matthias fake betrayal killed me

i tought it was real

I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept fom this oath.

this is just-

also foreshadowing?

YAYY KUWEI HI

There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.

She's laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.

if i ever have a s/o and they don't tell me this at least once i don't want it

He needed to tell her... what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn't pull himslef together into some smeblance of a man for her

THIS

THIS IS LOVE RIGHT THERE

they are the only straight couple that matters

everyone else go home

Wylan had scratches all over his cheeks and neck. He was beaming. Inej grabbed his hands and sqeezed.

so cute omg

"You can explain why our illustrious Shu scientist looks like one of Wylan's school pals along the way"

KAZ

i mean it's true but you didn't have to say it

KAZ IS SMILING OMG

EVERYONE FREAK OUT WITH ME

HE'S "grinning like and idiot" STOP I LOVE HIM

"We are all someone's mosnter, Nina"

"I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all"

this part breaks my heart and i love it

"Stay," she oanted. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Stay till the end"

"And after," he said. "And always."

i just- helnik is perfect

AWWW JESPER MISSES WYLAN

my daily dosis of wesper :)

ok but in like 2 pages jesper tought of wylan like 10 times bc he's sad wy isn't with him

Jesper scanned the empty deck. He's assumed Wylan would come up to see them off. (...)

Jesper knew he was being selfish and stupid, but some petty part of him wondered if Wylan had deliberately kept away from him on the journey back. Maybe now that the job was complete and he was on his way to his share of the haul, Wylan was done slumming with criminals.

*charles boyle's insinuating voice* and why do you care so much???

btw YOU ARE WRONG. HE'S LITERALLY GOING OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T SPEAK

this scene where we find out the truth about wylan hurts so much but it's one of my favourites idk why

I LOVE THAT EVERYONE IS AS MAD AS I AM ABOUT THE LETTERS NOW

"Your're a fool," Jesper snarled. "He smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."

YES TELL HIM

the fact that wylan just heard him say that omg

"Deserved" amended Van Eck. He blew the whislte twice.

SOMEONE BETTER GRAB ME BEFORE I KILL HIM MYSLEF

THAT IDIOT

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

I'M GONNA CRY CAN SOMEONE KILL HIM FOR ME

Jesper screamed in rage and raised his guns.

YES EXACLTY WHAT I MEANT

JUST KILL HIM RIGHT NOW

"I'm not big on bludding, am I Inej?"

"Not as a rule"

Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"

"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect, unaccented Kerch.

THIS WAS PERFECT

THE BEST WAY TO REVEAL THAT

(...), and Jesper flinched

baby he recognized wylan's voice

The Shu boy held out a hand. "Pay up, Kaz"

BITCH THIS IS AMAZING

THIS BOY MADE A BET WITH A CRIMINAL THAT HIS OWN FATHER WAS GOING TO TRY TO KILL HIM

AND HE WON THE BET

A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and - though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes - Wylan's surprising courage, too.

i love it when they compliment him

my boy deserves all the compliments ever

AND KAZ IS PROUD OF HIS SON WE ALL KNOW THIS

Wylan cuold draw a perfectt elevation. He's made a drill that could cut throu Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewellery. So what if he couldn't read

this is taking me to some real places

i may cry you've been warned

WYLAN DIDN'T CARE THAT HE MAY BE STUCKED LOOKING LIKE KUWEI

this is making me cry

"A fool would have been waiting to be smashed to bits on that ship. And as for "traitor", you've called me worse in the last few minutes alone."

EXACTLY

YOU TELL HIM WYLAN

Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej.

BABY

i would've done the same tho she's pretty

amita is sooo pretty i'm gonna die when the show comes out

Jesper was staring at Wylan, his eyes roving over the black hair, the golden eyes. "Why?" he said at last. "Why would you do this?"

nothing to say here except: wesper

You... how many times was it you standing beside me on the deck at night when I tought it was Kuwei?"

"Every time."

i want to cry so bad

"Why does it matter?"

"I don't know!" Jesper said angrily. "Maybe I liked your stupid face."

a very staright and platonic thing to say of course

i know jes we all liked his stupid face

"Jesper made a mistake," said Wylan. "A stupid mistake, but he didn't set out to betray anyone."

YES WYLAN DEFEND YOUR BOYFRIEND

And maybe he'd kept him in the dark about Wyllan because he wanted to punish him a little

even kaz know they like each other come on

Jesper sat with elbows on knees, head in hands. Wylan deside him wearing th face of a stranger.

wylan give him a hug fro me please

he needs it

"Scheming face," murmured Jesper.

"Definitely," agreed Wylan.

i miss inej already

And I'm going to get my girl. Inej could never be his, not really, but he would find a way to give her the freedom he´d promised her so long ago.

i'm ugly crying and so what?

and now we're done....

i want to read this book again omg this is unhealthy

[kaimelia]

Here Alone (Link)

——————

Link had no idea what was happening.

One moment, he was waving goodbye to his son, who eagerly skipped into the school; the next, he was watching his body being pushed into the hospital on a gurney.

He found himself wandering the halls of the place he'd work for nearly ten years, watching as people scurried past him without giving a second glance. He assumed they couldn't see him.

Was he dying? That was the question.

His feet carried him towards O.R. 3, where he knew his wife was operating. He stood in the scrub room, watching as she performed surgery with perfect technique. He grinned to himself, knowing she had doubted herself and spent the past few nights up later than she should've, laying scans over their bed and waking him from sleep to ask an occasional question.

The door to the scrub room was pushed open, and Link was surprised to see his best friend come through it. Her face was much more solemn than usual, and if this was a normal situation, he would've poked fun at the way she was wringing her hands out. It took another moment, but then he realized the look on her face was probably about him.

He didn't want to know if he was dead. He'd always assumed that it would be obvious, but right now, he wasn't sure. It felt like some awkward middle ground, and there wasn't a clear path out. His brain was searching for the cliche bright light he was meant to walk towards, not that he wanted to.

The door to the O.R. slid open, and his wife walked through, discarding her mask into the waste bin and stopping as soon as she noticed Jo standing across from her. Link desperately wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around her, whisper that everything would be okay, that he was by her side and that no matter what happened, he would remain there. Amelia's hands were shaking as she turned on the water, and Link could see the motion she always made between her fingers when she was nervous.

"It's Link," Jo finally spoke. Amelia shoved past the woman, not even bothering to dry her hands, running out of the scrub room. He moved to follow her but placed a hand on Jo's shoulder quickly, pulling it away as the woman flinched.

"Can you hear me?" He asked, standing in front of his friend. No response. Jo turned and walked out, slamming the door behind her, which almost hit Link in the face. "Crap," he muttered, running his hand through his hair. "I think I'm dead."

-----------------

His wife had settled in the attendings' lounge, on the painfully uncomfortable couch that everyone hated yet still used to relax.

He remembered during her second pregnancy with their daughter Charlotte when she had collapsed onto that same couch and thrown her feet on his lap after a long surgery, complaining about how much she despised him and his penis. Link chuckled at the memory and felt the sudden urge to rub her feet now. Not that she would feel it.

Meredith came running in and threw her arms around the neurosurgeon, and Link felt a moment of relief. He knew that if he really was dead, she wouldn't be alone. At least she would have people by her side to comfort her and help her through whatever happened.

-----------------

He eventually wandered up to the daycare to see Charlotte playing in the faux kitchen they had, pretending to cook food for some of the other kids present. He grinned, observing how much her features mirrored her mother's.

They had visited Amelia's mother in New York once, and he had demanded to see baby pictures. There weren't many, but their daughter looked exactly like her mother with a lighter hair color from what he had seen.

"She's beautiful. Looks just like Amelia," another voice spoke. Link turned around to see a man standing behind him.

"Derek?" The neurosurgeon stuck out his hand, and Link shook it firmly.

"It's nice to finally meet you. Even if these circumstances aren't ideal," Derek muttered, walking to stand next to his brother-in-law. He leaned his hands against the wooden railing on the wall.

"Am I dead?"

"Do you want the real answer?" Link paused for a moment, looking down at his hand. He twisted the silver wedding band on his ring finger.

They'd almost chosen gold bands, but Amelia felt that the silver was more elegant and simplistic. Link had smiled toothily at her and told her they'd get whatever she wanted. After all, they'd be wearing the rings for the rest of their lives, and Amelia was the one to coordinate outfits and jewelry. "Even if you hate it, you probably won't have to wear it for too long," she whispered, "everyone around me dies. You'll only have a few years of marriage." Link had laughed in the moment, but the thought of it wasn't nearly as funny now.

"Whatever it is, I wanna know," Link responded, nodding his head firmly. "I'm assuming that means I'm dead, though."

"Amelia doesn't know yet. They're going to tell her now."

"I thought I would get some sort of choice," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. It was too long. In a perfect world, he would've gotten a haircut before he died.

"Some people get a choice, and others don't. I didn't," Derek crossed his arms over his chest. "I would've stayed." He began to walk away, his hands in his pockets and his stance so casual that it angered Link. He thought this would be a bigger deal; he was dead, after all. His gaze remained on his daughter for another moment as she pretended to sip tea from a plastic cup, sticking her pinky high up in the air as she did so. He followed Derek down the hall.

They ended up in the O.R., and Link assumed this was where he died. The air was freezing cold in the room, and the only noise came from his wife. She was hunched over his body, sobbing as she traced her fingers up and down his colorless face.

"I thought being dead would be a larger issue," he muttered, glancing back at where Derek had been. He was gone. "Derek?" There was no response, but when he turned back around, he saw Derek standing behind Amelia, his arms wrapped around his sister tightly. "Can she feel that?"

"Not really. But, it makes me feel better to make some sort of gesture," the man stood up straight. "You'd think I would have everything figured out by now, but I don't." Amelia laid her head against the chest of the body on the table and cried harder.

"Time feels so much slower right now," Link muttered, walking towards where his love had rested her head. He kneeled down beside her and placed his hand over hers, rubbing his thumb up and down in soothing patterns. "You'll be okay, Amelia," he whispered, kissing her temple. "I'm right here."

-----------------

His ring was gone. At some point, while he was watching Amelia sleep, it disappeared. Derek had left after their moment in the O.R., and Link didn't know where he went. His stomach felt as if it was twisting back and forth as he watched Amelia pass out onto the O.R. floor, and now he couldn't leave her side.

The door to her room was pushed open, and Maggie walked through with Charlotte in her arms, whispering something about cuddling with Mommy. The girl was placed down, immediately curling into her mother's body and her tiny eyelids fluttering closed.

"How is she?" Maggie asked, her voice soft. Meredith glanced up.

"Seems fine. I'm not worried; I fainted after Derek died." Maggie sat on the couch next to her sister, sitting on Link's hand. He stood up quickly before remembering they couldn't see him.

"I can't believe he's gone," Maggie whispered. "I don't want to believe it."

He thought of when his mother died. At the time, they hadn't had as strong of a relationship as Link would've liked, but he was still heartbroken. Amelia had spent far too much time staying awake, helping him feel everything out and dealing with his grief. She understood him so perfectly, and now he just wished he could do the same for her.

A part of him felt guilty. For having to make his wife lose another person, for leaving her and their children alone, for dying too soon. A flash of anger pained him, and he punched the wall without thinking, cringing at the pain in his fist. After he shook it out, he looked to see no impact on the wall and everyone in the room acting as if nothing had happened. "This is crap," he muttered, massaging his knuckles.

-----------------

The guilt grew stronger, and he couldn't be in the same room as Amelia anymore. That alone made him feel guilty, the fact that he couldn't stand to be in the room with his grieving wife.

Part of it was the feeling that his children would grow up without a father. Amelia had often recounted her grief as a child after her father had died. He knew she wouldn't be like her mother and shut out their children, but he still felt terrible. Charlotte was almost the same age as Amelia was when her father died.

Nico walked up to the door and stood in front of it. Link frowned at the sight and watched as his friend pulled a ring out of the pocket of his scrubs. It was Link's wedding ring, and he now assumed Nico had taken it from his body. Nico pushed open the door, and Link followed behind him, noticing that Amelia had woken up. Her eyes were red and swollen, and Link wanted nothing more than to hold her as she fell asleep. He knew Derek had said making the gesture helped; Link even did it earlier, but it felt selfish to do something only he would benefit from. Nico placed the ring on the table beside Amelia, where she had also laid the necklace with hers. Link always wore his, but Amelia was paranoid about losing it during surgery or the diamond getting snagged on something, so she always wore it on a chain around her neck. When she'd proposed the idea, she mentioned that she could always have it close to her heart. Link made a joke about it getting caught and choking her and received a playful smack on his chest in response. He would do anything to see her smile and get annoyed with him right now.

-----------------

Amelia was still at the hospital, but he had followed Maggie and Winston, who picked up Charlotte and Scout and headed to the house. He watched as they picked up fast food on the way home, which the kids squealed excitedly at the mention of.

The kids loved eating junk food and had always been able to convince their father to get it for them. He'd spent more than one night sleeping on the couch after his wife proclaimed he'd fed them too much sugar and needed to stop giving them processed chicken nuggets.

Maggie was silent during the drive, and Winston attempted to entertain the kids, but Link could tell the couple was drained. Another wave of guilt passed over him. His children didn't know yet.

Scout pulled his sister up the pathway to the front door, and the children hurried to the kitchen table, taking out the containers of fries and chicken nuggets. The boy rambled about his day at school and pulled a paper out of his backpack, pointing at the different stick figures. "That's Mommy and Daddy," he showed Charlotte, "and that's you and me. Under the big tree in the backyard." Maggie's head darted over at his mention of his father, and tears filled her eyes. Winston quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulder and escorted her out of the room. Link was grateful that the kids were too interested in their food to notice anything abnormal around them.

-----------------

Over the next few hours, he watched as Winston picked up around the home, making beds neatly and folding the excessive amount of throw blankets Amelia insisted on owning.

When they bought the house, she dragged him to about a hundred different home stores, insisting that everything needed to be perfect. Scout was a toddler at the time, and her fantasy of the elegantly decorated house was destroyed by his fascination with crayons. Link traced his hand along the wall they had to repaint, where Scout had taken a purple crayon and scribbled his name in giant, messy letters. "Mommy's color!" He'd shrieked while pointing at it, knowing that it was his mother's favorite color. Link had laughed and subsequently spent that night on the couch, too.

He walked into his and Amelia's bedroom, the one room that Winston hadn't altered in any way. The blankets on her side of the bed were thrown over since he'd practically dragged her out of bed that morning. He smiled and felt that the bed's appearance represented their relationship pretty well, his too perfect and hers too realistic. He laid on his side of the bed and pressed his head into the pillow firmly, attempting to make it known that he was there.

Link's eyes wandered to the photo on his nightstand. It was from their honeymoon when they finally went to Paris, as Amelia had been dreaming of for years. He'd snapped a cheesy photo with her in front of the Eiffel Tower; Amelia kissing his cheek as his face displayed a grin so wide it almost looked photoshopped. When she had seen the framed photo, a blush spread across her face, and she tilted the frame down. It turned into some odd competition between them; Amelia would face it down whenever it was up, and he would make a point to face it properly. She hadn't put it down before she hurried out in the morning, so the photo was looking out at their dark bedroom. He hoped she would leave it that way.

The man paced around the bedroom. If he was alive, he would take out his favorite flannel pajama pants and one of his Mariner's shirts she loved to steal and set them out on the bed for her to wear when she returned.

If he was alive.

It was a ridiculous thought. It still felt wrong to even think that he was dead, that he was gone and wouldn't get to tell his wife that he loved her again. He wouldn't ever get to hug his children and tell them how proud he was of them.

"It's quite tragic." Link flinched at the voice, looking over to see Derek standing in the doorway.

"Where the hell did you come from? Is this some weird dead person teleporting thing?" The neurosurgeon shrugged.

"Amelia and I lost our father. And now, our kids are all growing up without a father." Derek stepped into the room and picked up a baseball from the dresser, tossing it between his hands. "I've always wanted to say thank you. You've been the most constant male figure in my kids' lives. I mean, you raised them for a few months a while ago," Derek set the ball down.

"Do they know yet? That I'm dead?"

"I doubt it. Mer's been staying with Amelia at the hospital." He sat down on the bed. "Some good things can come out of death. I mean, if I hadn't died, Meredith and Amelia wouldn't have the relationship they have now." Link nodded.

"I'm glad Amelia has Meredith." Derek sighed in agreement. "So, do you just get to tune into their lives whenever you want?"

"Pretty much. I only really come into family events; I've made the mistake of walking in on people having sex far too many times." Link breathed out a laugh and flopped back onto the bed.

"Can't wait."

-----------------

Amelia came home in the morning with her head held down and her eyes swollen from crying. He watched as she thumbed through different items Maggie had brought home from the hospital; his I.D., bag, scrub caps, and various pens from his lab coat. Link stood on the opposite side of the table as she stared at his I.D. badge, and he picked up a pink pen.

Charlotte had asked for colorful pens for her birthday the past year, the same day he'd gotten his I.D. photo taken with puke on his sweatshirt. After the girl felt better, she gave her father the neon pink pen after seeing him discard the sweater he had been wearing that day. He'd kept it in his white coat for the past year. Amelia never knew why he had it, but she assumed it was from their daughter.

"I can't do it, Mer," Amelia cried out, placing his blue scrub cap back down on the table.

"Yes, you can," he whispered, watching Meredith console his wife before she headed up the stairs towards where their children were happily reading.

"Oh god," Meredith muttered, placing her hands on the table. Link glanced over at her. "Why did you have to die?" For a second, he thought Meredith knew he was there yet dismissed the thought when she picked up the I.D. tag.

He ran up the stairs at the sound of a loud sob to see Amelia hugging their children. He leaned against the doorway and stared as she kissed both of their foreheads before informing them she'd be in her bedroom. She left the room with a hand covering her mouth as tears streamed down her face. Charlotte and Scout were holding onto each other tightly, both crying. Link so desperately wanted to hold them and comfort them as he watched them attempt to do so themselves. "I want Daddy," Charlotte wailed, leaning into her brother.

"Daddy's right here," Link kneeled in front of them, feeling tears pool in his own eyes. "I'm right here," he placed a hand on Charlotte's knee, and she flinched suddenly, almost kicking him in the face in the process. "Char," he stuttered, sitting down away from the bed. He placed his face in his hands.

-----------------

"You ready for your funeral?" A different voice. Link turned around suddenly and somehow managed to smile despite everything going on.

"DeLuca-"

"I was trying to give you some space. The whole dying thing is a lot at first." Andrew shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the hallway. "I remember my memorial. It was nice, but seeing Carina so heartbroken crushed me."

"Did you get a choice? To stay or go?"

"I think I did. But I didn't understand it at the time." He took a seat at the kitchen table. "I saw my mother, and I ran towards her. I regret it a lot." Link joined him at the table, drumming his fingers over the stained wood, knowing that his family was on their way to his funeral. "Are you gonna go?" He shrugged.

"I don't know. I never expected to have to decide if I want to go to my own funeral," he joked, placing his head in his hands. "This past week has been terrible enough on its own."

"I would go. Everyone's going to something nice, and it'll just be a reminder of how many people care about you." There was a loud bang from upstairs, and both men darted their heads.

"Come on, Scout, we have to go," Amelia pleaded, walking down with Charlotte on her hip. "We're going to be late, buddy. Please just do this for me, okay?" Scout came stomping down the stairs a moment later.

"I hate my suit. I don't want to say bye to Daddy!" Amelia stood at the bottom of the steps, watching as her son banged his foot on the stairs.

"Scout, Daddy's gone, and there's nothing we can do to change that," she held out her hand. "Let's go say goodbye to him, okay?" Andrew made eye contact with Link and shrugged sympathetically.

"I wish I could scream that I'm right here."

"You get used to it. I mean, eventually, you understand that you can't interfere with things, and you're just spectating." Link stood up from the table and walked towards the door, his eyes following his wife as she attempted to strap Charlotte into her car seat. "Your kids are wonderful. I'm sad I didn't get to be a part of their lives."

"They know who you are. We tell them about Uncle Andrew and how brave he was." Andrew grinned. "I don't think I'm going. I'll wait here for them." The other man nodded.

"You want company?"

-----------------

Amelia was walking through rows of graves, her hands folded politely and a container resting under her arm. She'd come to visit his grave multiple times since the funeral, and every time she would bring a donut. He would always grin when she shoved it into her mouth in one bite; it made him think of how far their relationship had come since their trip to New York.

After she found out she was pregnant again, she had woken him up at three A.M. in the morning, whispering about how the baby was craving donuts. He'd driven nearly twenty miles to find an open shop, and when he returned, she was sitting on the couch with her feet up and perked up as soon as he pushed the door open. "I love you so much," she'd nearly yelled, sitting up and grabbing the box from him. After devouring three donuts, Amelia remembered he was there and proceeded to shove a donut into his mouth, laughing after she caught him off guard.

She always brought a plain glazed donut to his grave. It was his favorite type, and he'd received some teasing from her for being 'basic,' but he knew that she secretly loved them, too.

"Scout's birthday is in a week," she spoke, setting the container down. "I remember you wanted to get him a guitar. Meredith and I are going to the mall soon, but I have no idea what to buy." He watched as her eyes wandered around the nearly empty cemetery, her gaze finally settling on the bright blue sky above her. "I say it every time I come to visit you, but I miss you so much, Link." He sat down on the grass on the other side of his grave, tempted to place a hand on top of hers, but knowing the reaction he would gain, he refrained.

"I'm here, Amelia," he whispered, leaning his head against the stone. "I promise I'm not going anywhere. Even if you can't hear when I say that." She continued to speak to him, and Link took some pleasure in responding as if they were having a normal conversation. He'd nod his head and occasionally hum in response to whatever she said, laughing as she told a story of how Charlotte had gotten ahold of her phone and called Eric.

"It was good to talk to him; I haven't kept in contact as much as I thought I would since it happened; I just didn't expect to hear her yelling that Grandpa was on the phone," she laughed, wiping her eyes. "This happens every time. I laugh, cry, and shove a donut into my mouth like a complete slob." Link stared at her in adoration as she proceeded to do just that, her hands gently wiping her lips and rubbing her fingers on the napkin she brought in silence. He took a moment to really look at her, noticing the bags under her eyes and the messy appearance of her hair.

He continued to sit and listen as she relayed the events of the past few days since she had last visited, her hands moving excitedly as she spoke, and Link's face contorted in response to everything she said. The conversation slowed, and she brushed a hand over the top of the gravestone, whispering, "I love you," before walking away, her feet dragging behind her.

"I love you too."

-----------------

He watched as his wife and sister-in-law walked into the music store, and he couldn't help but grin childishly. It had always been his dream to teach his son guitar, and even if he wasn't there to do it, he knew that Scout would still learn.

Once, when Scout was a toddler, he climbed on the couch next to his father, who was strumming chords, his pudgy hands reaching out to touch. Link grinned and helped to press his fingers against the fingerboard, not knowing that Amelia was standing in the doorway taking a picture. She framed that picture and stuck it on the mantle with their family photos.

When he left his thoughts, he saw the two women standing in front of a wall of guitars. He couldn't recall ever seeing his wife look so wholly confused.

His feet brought him over to the wall as he examined the different instruments, eventually finding one he liked. It reminded him of his own guitar, just kid-sized. "This one," he whispered, turning around to see her walking towards where he was standing. "Amelia?" She pulled the guitar off of the wall and glanced it up and down, looking awfully confident for someone he knew had no knowledge about guitars.

"This one," she spoke.

-----------------

When Amelia woke up on Scout's birthday, he could tell she wasn't feeling well. She looked as if she was going to puke any second while she rolled over in bed, groaning into her pillow and slamming her hand down on the beeping alarm clock. "I don't want to," she moaned, sitting up in the bed.

He watched as she stood up and walked to the closet, pulling out the neatly wrapped presents and bringing them into the living room.

She had always been the one to wrap presents for any holiday or birthday. Link loved to say that his gifts were just wrapped with love and that sometimes love was a little bit messy. Amelia wasn't a fan of that and insisted on him entertaining her while she did it.

Link watched from afar as his son tore open presents, various action figures, and toys that he'd been begging for. When it came to the last gift, Amelia paused before giving it to him.

"This one is very special, Scout," she whispered, "Daddy wanted you to have this." The boy took the box more gently, carefully unwrapping the paper as to not damage anything.

"A guitar!" His son ran over to Amelia and threw his arms around her neck, hugging her and thanking her profusely.

"Don't thank me, Scout." He pulled back with a look of confusion on his face. "Thank Daddy."

-----------------

The 6-month-anniversary of his death seemed to come awfully quickly. Somewhere among their family traditions, half-birthdays had stuck, and the kids had been running around the house saying that it was the half-birthday of their Daddy's death. He could see Amelia's slight cringe every time they shouted it.

She spent the day going through old boxes, most of which were never even unpacked when they moved. He grinned knowingly when her hands landed on a thick book, and she pulled out his high school yearbook, her eyes lighting up as she flipped through the pages.

"Look at you," she whispered, tracing the outline of the photo with her finger. Her head shook in amusement as she flopped backward on the bed while turning pages and grinning at the sight of her husband.

She closed the book hurriedly as tears began to drip from her eyes, not wanting to stain the pages of the nearly 30-year-old book. Amelia hugged it close to her chest and curled up, crying while laying back.

Something in him pulled him to lay down beside her, and he did so, wrapping his arm around her. Amelia flinched at the contact, but after a moment, her body seemed to relax, and her cries began to subside. He laughed softly, reflecting on how odd this situation was and how he probably seemed like a creep. "I've got you," he whispered, placing a kiss on her temple. "I'm here, and I love you."

-----------------

The next six months passed in a complete blur. His wife's visits to his grave were less frequent, only about every other week, but she continued her tradition of bringing a donut. He could tell from how she spoke that she was healing, yet it was still rare for him to find a day where she didn't end up with tears in her eyes over a stray thought of him.

On the first anniversary of his death, he watched them pile into a heap of cuddles and love on the couch, switching on different movies as background noise.

He sat beside them, wanting so desperately to be present at that moment and tell them all how much he loves them.

He knew that one day, Amelia would move on. She would find love again, and he wasn't necessarily upset by that fact. He knew that he would check in less often; the thought of her falling in love with some other man was not something he was particularly keen on observing, but he wanted her to be happy.

Link watched her stand from the couch and place her empty mug in the kitchen sink, her fingers grabbing at her necklace chain, which held their wedding rings. He moved to stand behind her, making sure he didn't actually touch her body as to not disturb her but imagined himself wrapping his arms around her waist and whispering softly into her ear how he's been here the whole time before kissing the spot under her ear that always made her grin.

His fingers moved to her arm, and he lightly dragged them up her arm, noticing the goosebumps that arose as he did so. "You're gonna make me go insane," she whispered, laughing quietly.

"You're not insane. I'm here."

[morningfears]

Vodka Pineapple

Rating: M | There’s smut, mentions of drowning, and other adult themes and situations.

Summary: Evie Porter wanted a normal summer. She wanted to be a twenty-something and enjoy bonfires on the beach and have a fling with a boy that would break her heart. Calum Hood wanted to distract himself from his past. They were a match made in heaven until his past caught up with them and they both did what they do best; run. (Mentions of drowning, swearing, anxiety, etc.)

Word Count: 34.2k (....I know. I’m very sorry I am who I am)

Golden hour had a reputation for being the most beautiful time of day. For a brief period, just when the world needed it the most, everything was bathed in beautiful golden. The light bounced off everything it touched and offered a glimmer of hope; it offered a promise of a good day ahead for some and a better tomorrow for others. It was inspiring, the muse for everyone from artists to athletes, and Evie Porter was not immune to its charm. She rarely found herself awake so near sunrise and was rarely outdoors so near sunset but with the end of the semester came the freedom to do as she pleased and nothing sounded more appealing than a skate at sunrise.

She listened to the waves crash against the shore and pulled in deep breaths of salty sea air as she sat on a bench near the boardwalk, lacing up her roller skates. It was quiet, save for the sounds of the ocean, as the small town had yet to wake for the day and with every exhale, she felt a bit more tension leave her body. It was almost surreal, having the chance to spend her summer in the small seaside town she’d frequented as a child rather than in crowded Los Angeles, but she was grateful for the opportunity as she soaked in the atmosphere.

The town was small, infinitely smaller than Los Angeles, and didn’t experience a boom in tourism until July - according to her cousin and housemate for the summer, Dahlia, anyway. There were no pushy tourists crowding the boardwalk yet and she could hear herself think as she reveled in the solitude. She had always loved the beach, particularly the one that sprawled in front of her, and only truly felt at peace when she could lose herself in it completely.

She remained still for a moment, long enough to exhale the last bit of tension and shake off the sleep that lingered in her limbs, before she stood from the bench and stepped onto the sidewalk.

Her skates were brand new, a neon green with pink laces and pink wheels embedded with silver glitter, and she was excited to break them in in the same place she’d learned to skate. Evie’s fondest childhood memories were of scraped knees and bruised shins, of hand-me-down skates and clinging to Dahlia as she guided her down the boardwalk, and she felt an easy smile quirk her lips as she slowly began gliding along the boardwalk.

The boardwalk was simultaneously exactly the same and wholly different than she remembered. There were more cracks and splinters, obvious signs of age, but she found herself navigating the changes with ease as she skirted around a pair of joggers. The wind blew through her hair, the salty air leaving it a tangle of beachy waves whipping behind her, and she breathed a sigh of relief at the freedom she felt. For the first time in months she felt at home, comfortable and calm, and it was wonderful.

Though Evie loved learning and had, once upon a time, been excited for college, the journey was far more arduous than she’d expected. Her parents were footing the bill and while she was grateful to be getting a debt-free education, she was angry at the terms her degree came with. Her parents had both chosen law, both attorneys that loved their jobs more than their children, and demanded she follow in their footsteps like brother had before her. She was given the choice of taking on a staggering amount of debt to follow her dreams or going into a field she hated with a guaranteed job waiting for her when she graduated.

She chose the latter.

With every class she took and every internship hour her parents signed her up for, Evie regretted her choice more. She loved some of the clients, she enjoyed hearing their stories and spending time with people she ordinarily wouldn’t cross paths with and being in a position to help them, but she hated the legal system and would rather learn what made people tick, not the barriers that kept them living in fear. She appreciated the legal system for what it was, a necessary sector of education and society, but she had no desire to spend her life in the field.

She had never really been given a chance to find her own path in life, her parents had always pushed her down the one they’d taken, and she carried the resentment around like a weight tied to her ankle. It lingered in the back of her throat, bitter and overwhelming as she tried to live a life she could be proud of, and only disappeared when she found a rare moment of free time to put on her skates and tune out the world.

Evie took up skating when she was a young child, desperate to emulate Dahlia in any way she could, and kept up with it even after she quit. She had never been naturally gifted at anything athletic - she wasn’t clumsy, just not athletic - so she was surprised to find herself a natural at skating. She felt at home gliding down the boardwalk, the wind in her hair and the sun warming her skin, and realized that any hard feelings she’d been bottling up seemed to trail behind her and disappear with each rotation of her skates.

When she was given the chance to have the summer to herself - her parents were participating in Lawyers Without Borders and had been too distracted to place her in a volunteer role for the summer - she packed her belongings and drove to Dahlia’s the moment she finished her final exam. She wanted a normal summer, one where she could forget her parents and the future she dreaded, and was determined to get it. 

All she wanted was to relax, to sleep and skate and forget. Just for a summer.

Evie willed all thoughts of her parents, all thoughts of anything but a happy summer, out of her head as she brushed past a small family on an early morning walk. She didn’t show off often even though she was a skilled skater, but as she heard the coos of interest from the children, she took the opportunity to do exactly that. The skates were new, still a little stiff and not quite comfortable enough for her to do her best tricks, but she pulled off a spin and skated backward for a moment, just long enough to impress the children. She grinned at them, bright and sunny as her mood lifted and the semi-formed dark cloud above her head dissipated, and sent them a wave before turning back the correct way and continuing down the boardwalk.

She slowed and skated slower than normal as she drew closer to the stretch of beach that was always the most quiet, taking in the sight of the sand and the deep blue of the ocean. It was usually deserted, empty of beachgoers and the perfect spot for her to take a moment to rest, but that particular morning she spotted surfers at the edge of the water, pulling on their wetsuits and laughing happily amongst themselves. It was nice seeing a group of people around her age as most of the residents of the town were either old enough to be her grandparents or middle-aged with two or three children and no interest in befriending a college student. She made a mental note to ask Dahlia about them when she returned home and kept an eye on them for a moment too long as she contemplated how difficult it would be to learn to surf.

As she watched a tall blonde man toss a bottle of water at his dark-haired friend, his broad shoulders shaking visibly with laughter as the friend began chasing him down the beach, she failed to notice the body in front of her until it was too late. Evie slammed into the man’s back, her hands slotting between them in an effort to cushion the impact but only serving to shove him to the ground. She landed on her knees beside him, nothing at all like the practiced falls she’d learned in an effort to minimize her injuries, and hissed at the sting of sand and gravel embedding into her skin.

She felt a sharp pain in the palms of her hands and her knees, both of which hit the ground and were likely scraped, but paid it no mind as she scrambled to check on the victim of her carelessness. He was clearly headed to join the group of surfers, his surfboard had clattered into the sand off to the side and was halfway into a wetsuit, and she prayed they hadn’t heard the commotion as she steadied herself on her toe stops and offered the man her hand.

She’d fallen and hurt herself plenty of times as she learned. She’d bumped into friends as they took up the hobby alongside her. She’d shoved into people when she played roller derby. But she’d never accidentally bowled over a pedestrian and she felt a wave of panic and embarrassment wash over her as he grabbed her hand and stood from the boardwalk.

“I’m so sorry. The boardwalk’s been dead so I wasn’t paying attention. Fuck, are you okay?” Her words were rushed, her tone hinting at the panic she felt as he blinked from the shock of hitting the ground, but the sincerity of her concern was evident as her eyes raked over him in search of any obvious injuries. Her cheeks were on fire, a brilliant scarlet that creeped down her neck and blossomed over her chest, and she resisted the urge to bring her hand up and cover it.

The man, who likely would’ve stood a foot taller than her had she not been wearing her skates, nodded as he regained his footing and brushed some of the sand from his bare chest. “I’m okay,” he assured her, pausing in his assurance to reach for his board, “only thing hurt is my pride.”

Evie took a moment to revel in his presence. His voice was raspy and warm, he sounded like he’d just woken up, and she was certain that she could listen to him speak all day. There was a slight amusement hidden behind his words, as if he found the situation funny, and Evie felt her eyebrows furrow in confusion as she raked her eyes over him once more. He was beautiful, that much was obvious. He looked to be about her age, a twenty-something in the throes of young adulthood. His skin was golden, even more so in the shifting golden hour light, and covered in black ink. His short, bleached hair was a stark contrast against his skin and his deep brown eyes held a warmth that surprised her.

He looked uninjured, just slightly thrown off by the encounter, and Evie was thankful. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, her lips twisting into a grimace as she shifted on her skates and ignored the burning desire to check on her own injuries. She dug her toe stops into the ground and willed herself not to shrink away from the man’s scrutinizing gaze, even though she desperately wanted to.

“It’s okay.” He studied her for a moment. His gaze felt heavy on her skin, an acute pressure she was all too aware of, as his eyebrows lifted and his lips quirked in the corners in amused curiosity when he took in the sight of her skates and the knee high socks, shorts, and tank top combination she wore with them. 

She knew what she looked like - her friends enjoyed teasing her for leaning so heavily into the aesthetic - and she’d never really been self-conscious about her wardrobe before. However, the way he looked at her left her conflicted; she didn’t know if she wanted to stand a little taller and give a flirty wink at the way his eyes lingered on her exposed legs or shrink away in embarrassment in case he thought she looked like a character from a bad eighties film. There was a reason for the uniform, a purpose for it all, but he didn’t need to know that.

He was silent for a beat, taking in the sight of her, before he met her gaze. His brown eyes shone with mirth and she felt her confusion deepen as he said, “I’m guessing you’re either a really good skater or this is a new hobby.”

“Sometimes I think I can skate better than I can walk,” she confirmed, her confusion dissipating as a a wry smile quirked her lips. She dug her toe stop into the boardwalk to hold her balance and offered a half-hearted shrug. “I just got distracted.”

“Happens to the best of us.” They fell into an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say - or if there even was more to say. The pair of them looked away from one another, both studying the group of surfers lingering near the water’s edge, and Evie opened her mouth to apologize again when the man broke the stalemate first. He turned his attention back to her, fixed her with that amused gaze once more, and said, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.”

“I doubt you have. I live in LA and haven’t been here in years. I’m just visiting my cousin for the summer.” She paused, contemplating giving the stranger her name. She wanted to enjoy her summer and though she knew Dahlia would provide adequate entertainment, a few other friends wouldn’t hurt. Especially a friend as attractive as this one. And, at the end of the day, she knew that she didn’t want to spend the summer cooped up in Dahlia’s house or skating alone. “I’m Evie,” she introduced, offering her hand once more.

“Calum.” He returned the gesture, capturing her hand in his, and she bit back a sigh upon feeling the warmth of his skin against hers. It was pleasant, fitting of the warmth that he seemed to radiate across the board, and pulled a smile from her as the embrace lingered a second too long. “Nice to meet you.”

The moment Calum released her hand, a shout of his name broke the spell they’d been under. The world around them suddenly came back into focus, the bustle of the slowly awakening city evident as a few people skirted around them, and Evie felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment once more. She glanced at the group of surfers who were now openly staring at the pair of them, offering a tight lipped smile, before she turned back to Calum.

“Nice to meet you, too. I’m sorry, again.” She knew that she’d apologized enough, no damage had been done, but it wasn’t often that she took out strangers in the middle of a skate. She was embarrassed, more so because he was an attractive stranger, and hoped her cheeks weren’t as flushed as she imagined them to be when she offered final smile and turned to return to her car, her desire to finish the skate losing to her desire to not run into him again on the skate back. “See you around, Calum,” she called, sending him a wave as she completed a spin to show that she was capable of skating.

She didn’t miss the amused grin that lifted the corners of his lips or the way the sunlight made his eyes gleam. He looked beautiful, waving her off, and she had to turn away to keep her focus. She barely heard him but over the sound of her wheels against the boardwalk, his call of “See you around, Evie,” hit her ears and sent a small thrill jolting through her.

**********

“You know, it’s really not as funny as you’re making it out to be.”

Evie sat at one of the high tables near the counter of Flower, the bakery that Dahlia owned, and rested her chin her palm - thankfully it wasn’t scraped, just sore - as she watched her knead a batch of dough for rosemary bread. She hadn’t planned on telling her cousin anything about the incident, she was just going to mention that she’d seen a group of surfers near the water and was curious about them, but Dahlia spotted the scrapes on her knees and chided her for not wearing kneepads before interrogating her as to how exactly she’d fallen. It wasn’t like Evie to fall, she knew that much, and it was even less like her to take other people down along the way. She could tell that Evie still felt embarrassed by the accident - every time she bent her knees, the stinging reminded her of quite possibly the worst first impression she’d ever made - and it was only made worse by the fact that Dahlia knew Calum all too well.

Evie was surprised to learn that not only was Dahlia dating one of the surfers - Ashton, the one who’d been hit with the water bottle and chased the blonde down the beach, if she’d seen them right - she was friends with them all. She didn’t have to ask about the group because when she mentioned the name Calum, Dahlia told her all about them. And when she realized that Calum was the one Evie had bowled over, she decided that she no longer felt sympathy for either of them; she felt pure, unadulterated amusement.

“I don’t get a lot of amusement, kid.” Evie rolled her eyes at the nickname, she was only two years younger than Dahlia’s twenty-three, but didn’t interrupt as she waved a flour covered hand. “It’s not that funny but you have to admit, it’s kind of funny.” This time, Evie did scoff aloud and Dahlia grinned brightly at her. “Not only did you completely eat it, cause enough for amusement as long as you’re not hurt, you took Calum down with you. Ten bucks says he’s going to tease you for it when he realizes you’re my cousin.”

Evie huffed an annoyed sigh, pursing her lips and blowing a piece of hair from in front of her nose, before she rolled her eyes. “Can we just not tell him?” she asked as she stood from her stool and winced at the stiffness in her knees. “I mean, can I just disappear when you hang out with them? I can grab my skates and go bowl over another surfer or five while you have fun like a normal person.” She didn’t mean it, not really, but the thought was tempting. 

Dahlia, who’d finished kneading and was dropping the dough into a bowl to proof, laughed. It was a beautiful sound, a crystal clear laugh that belonged to a Disney princess, and Evie was reminded of why she wanted so badly to be like her cousin. Everything about her was carefree and beautiful, graceful and perfect even though Evie’s parents called Dahlia rough around the edges. She was unapologetic in her existence, living her dream proudly and doing as she pleased, and Evie envied her for it.

“That’s going to be tough seeing as your skates are at home and they’re all currently there, setting up a welcome party for you.” Dahlia spoke nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bombshell on Evie, and watched out of the corner of her eye as she stopped her perusal of the display case and stared at her. Her mouth opened and closed without sound for a long moment before she stopped, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes, and Dahlia had to admit that it was amusing. She felt bad, getting so much joy out of watching one of the most outwardly put together people she knew have such a rough day, but she she knew that Evie wouldn’t hold it against her.

“It’s just going to be a few people, E,” Dahlia assured her, wiping her hands on the towel she kept in her apron pocket. “Don’t worry about it. And, seriously, don’t worry about bumping into Calum. If anyone will laugh it off, it’s him. He won’t be a dick about it and if you don’t vibe with the teasing, he’ll leave you alone. The guys are really great, I promise.”

Evie trusted Dahlia’s judge of character more than anyone else she’d ever known. Her cousin was good at reading people - better than she was - so if she vouched for Calum’s character, he had to be at least somewhat decent. And though Evie still felt the sting of embarrassment every time her knees ached, she wanted to let loose. She wanted a normal summer and a normal summer included parties and pretty surfer boys, mindless fun and long skates and sunburns; not internships in stuffy law firms and worrying about an impression she’d made on a guy she likely wouldn’t see again in three months time.

“Fine,” she huffed, her nails tapping against the pastry case as she lifted her head and stood on her tiptoes to look Dahlia square in the face. “But I reserve the right to go sulk in my room at any point if any of them are assholes.”

Dahlia, used to Evie’s antics after years of spending summers together, shook her head in good-natured exasperation. She knew that Evie was just nervous, it wasn’t often that she interacted with people outside of her classes or internships or tight-knit group of roller girls - people that Dahlia knew were very different than her own friends - and she didn’t blame her for putting up her guard. Instead of telling her to live a little, she just acknowledged, “You wouldn’t be Evie if you didn’t.”

Evie’s mouth popped open in a mock outrage as she watched her round the counter with a chocolate chunk cookie in hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked as she took the cookie from Dahlia’s outstretched hand and promptly bit into it. “Oh, the salt was a good call on these.”

Dahlia grinned at the compliment, glad that the addition of salt was appreciated by the harshest cookie taste tester she knew. “I know. Ten times better than the old ones.” She fell silent then, hesitating for a beat as she watched Evie eat her cookie, before she shook her head and nudged her shoulder. “Look, you have a habit of hiding when things get tough. You can’t do that in the real world, kid. If one of the guy’s is an asshole, dump a beer on his head. Fuck, go grab your skates and use him as target practice. Just… just try not to run, even if you want to.”

Evie exhaled a harsh breath. Although she knew it wasn’t Dahlia’s intention, she felt like a child being scolded. However, she knew that her cousin was right. When things got tough, Evie had a history of running away - she’d run from Los Angeles to spend the summer with Dahlia when the pressure to be perfect got to be too much - and she hated to admit it. She liked simplicity, she liked for the things she could control to be easy and normal, and didn’t want to invite complications into her life. If she could avoid problems, she would. But for Dahlia’s sake, she knew that she had to at least try.

She was incapable of telling her cousin no so she nodded her reluctant agreement. “Fine. But if you see me dump a beer on one of your friends, you can’t yell at me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she teased - and she wouldn’t. Just as Evie couldn’t say no to her, Dahlia couldn’t ever be mad at Evie. They were opposite sides of the same coin, different but similar enough to be as close as they were, and both wanted the best for the other. And Dahlia deemed that for Evie, the best would be indulging in a ridiculous party hosted by her friends. “Come and help me clean up. Ash just texted me. They’re almost done setting up so we can head home.”

Evie was nervous. She was nervous to meet Dahlia’s friends - ones she automatically assumed were much cooler than her own - and nervous to meet her boyfriend. She was nervous to have to spend the night making new friends. But, most of all, she was nervous to see Calum again, especially after she’d made such an idiot out of herself that morning. He was beautiful, stunningly so, and she didn’t want to come off as just Dahlia’s dorky younger cousin. She’d felt something - a spark of attraction, a few errant butterflies taking flight in the pit of her stomach, the last shreds of her sanity leaving when he smiled at her - and was nervous to see how things would play out.

She wanted to get to know him, to let something unfold naturally, but she also wanted him to see her as her ideal self. She wanted him to see her as she portrayed herself to the world - as confident and sleek, sure of herself and put together - rather than for what she truly was; an insecure, unsure girl who just wanted someone to love her despite her flaws.

But she deemed a reality check necessary. At the end of the day, she knew his opinion didn’t matter much. She’d say goodbye in August and that would be that. However, that didn’t stop her from agonizing over what he could possibly think of her as she began helping Dahlia wipe down tables so they could get home to the party.

*************

Calum stood behind the makeshift bar he and Ashton had pulled together in Dahlia’s backyard. It was a set of old card tables, barely big enough to fit all the alcohol and barely stable enough to stand on their own - Calum actually worried they might collapse if anyone got too close - but the setup did the trick. It got him out of the cramped kitchen and gave him at least a little room to work while he mixed a drink for himself. He knew that he would be stationed there half the night and while he didn’t normally mind - it was his profession, after all - he wasn’t exactly thrilled to be spending his night off doing his job without the benefit of a paycheck.

He’d taken the night off weeks ago, when Dahlia first mentioned wanting to throw a welcome party for her cousin, and was glad to be spending the night away from the bar. With schools dismissing for summer, more and more college students who’d moved away were returning home while tourists were slowly starting to trickle in. Combined with his regulars, Calum was already tired of putting on his best customer service smile and just wanted to spend the night with his friends. He wanted to forget that anything outside of Dahlia’s backyard existed and hoped that his night would be better than his morning had been.

He had gone to bed around four but found himself unable to sleep with the yard work happening outside his window and the constant buzzing of his phone. Between Luke, Ashton, and Michael, he swore he received at least a hundred messages, begging him to come surf with them, and had only relented when he realized they wouldn’t give up, even if he turned off his phone.

He was sleep deprived, still annoyed from the night before, and had only been more annoyed when he was knocked off his feet by a girl on roller skates. He didn’t realize that the girl who’d bowled him over was Dahlia’s cousin until the guys asked him who he was talking to. In his sleep deprived state, he’d just assumed it was a coincidence, another girl named Evie from Los Angeles, because she looked nothing like her cousin and didn’t exactly fit the image he’d crafted in his mind after hearing her description.

Dahlia was tall and graceful with short blonde hair, bright blue, doe eyes and an openness about her that warmed everyone she met. She was bubbly and fond of the same things Ashton loved - essential oils, yoga, green juice that couldn’t possibly be made to taste good - while she described her cousin as anything but. 

Dahlia warned them all that Evie was more reserved, able to put on a polite face and make conversation but more than happy to be alone with her thoughts. She preferred the outdoors and tight-knit groups of friends over parties and packed houses - part of why Calum was hesitant to help with the party; he knew what it was like to be dragged to social events and feel out of place - and was apparently studying to become a lawyer. Her family was well off, Dahlia mentioned not getting along with them at all, and he pictured someone who looked like Dahlia but had the attitude of a spoiled LA brat.

But he’d been warned that Evie would be everything but what he expected and Dahlia hadn’t exactly been wrong. 

Where Dahlia was golden hour, Evie was late evening with deep brown hair that hit her ribcage and pensive, guarded brown eyes that glittered gold in the early morning sunlight. Evie was smaller in stature, even in her skates Calum was taller than her, but she filled out the cliche skate outfit she wore nicely. From Dahlia’s description, he’d imagined her to be a runner or a volleyball player, maybe even a swimmer, but never a skater. However, he could tell that she dedicated time to her hobby as he’d spotted few bruises and bright white scars marring her otherwise flawless skin. 

He couldn’t have imagined his first meeting with her would go the way it did. He certainly didn’t expect to just run into her, literally, as she skated down the boardwalk and he didn’t connect the dots until Ashton squinted at her retreating figure and declared with a certainty that Calum questioned at the time that that was, in fact, Dahlia’s cousin. 

He didn’t know her, not yet, but he could already tell she was nothing like he’d been expecting.

“What time are they supposed to be here?”

Calum was broken out of his reverie by Luke’s question and lifted his head to watch his friend attempt to decorate the backyard. Luke was stood atop a step ladder, blue eyes narrowed in concentration as he tried to untangle a mess of string lights without undoing the work he’d already done - half the strand was already taped to the side of the house and looped over parts of the fence. Michael stood behind him with a red cup in one hand and his cellphone in the other, occasionally lifting his head to make sure Luke hadn’t fallen. Neither of them looked like they knew what they were doing - Calum was, frankly, surprised they hadn’t given up and gone inside to eat the cookies Dahlia left for them yet - and the image made him shake his head as he grabbed his cup and wandered across the yard to where they stood.

“Don’t fucking pull the lights, mate. You untangle them before you plug them in.” Ashton, who had been blowing up pool floats and tossing them into the water, glanced up from an inflatable slice of pizza and rolled his eyes as he watched Luke tug at a tangled mess of string lights. He looked exhausted, as he always did when attempting to wrangle his three best friends, and shook his head as Luke shot him a dirty look.

“Now you tell me,” Luke muttered, annoyed by the lack of direction from Ashton, as Michael and Calum laughed.

Ashton ignored Luke’s comment. Instead, he focused on the task at hand and answered Luke’s initial question. “Other people should start getting here soon. Dolly and Evie won’t be here until seven.”

Luke made a face at Ashton’s answer and Michael shook his head. The backyard was nearly ready but they still had a good bit of work to finish if they wanted it to look the way Dahlia - and Ashton - envisioned. Ashton was obviously not pleased with the job Luke was doing in the backyard and seemed to regret giving the job to him and Michael. However, it wasn’t as if he’d done it on purpose. They just grabbed the lights and started stringing them up around the backyard the moment they arrived and he hadn’t had the heart to tell them to stop he accepted their willingness to step in and help, however, Calum knew that his perfectionist of a friend wanted nothing more than to do it himself as they both surveyed the mess Luke and Michael had made.

Instead of chastising them as Calum knew he wanted to, Ashton shook his head once more and turned his attention to Calum. “You met her this morning. What’s she like?” When Calum blinked, only half paying attention to the question as he watched Luke knock himself off balance and flail his arms as he narrowly avoided falling from the ladder, Ashton rolled his eyes. “Evie. What’s she like?”

“Oh, Evie. Seems nice.”

He didn’t know what Ashton wanted him to say. He’d met her, sure, but it was a quick interaction that was over in a matter of moments. She crashed into him, apologized, and skated away. She’d been nice, polite, but it wasn’t as if he expected her to knock him to the ground and just leave without a word. Their interaction was brief and though he had thoughts based on the far off look in her eyes, in the way she seemed to revel in just skating alone without a care in the world and the embarrassment she felt at a simple mistake, he didn’t feel qualified to pass judgment.

The only judgement he did feel qualified to pass was that she was gorgeous.

“She’s cute.” Luke echoed Calum’s initial, unspoken impression as his legs wobbled. He stood on the top step of the step stool, arms stretched to reach a high enough place to hang the lights, and Calum was just waiting for him to topple off the stool and fall backward into the pool. “Is she single?”

Michael raised an eyebrow at Luke’s question and stared up at him, his hand extended with a roll of tape for Luke to grab. “How do you know she’s cute? She was too far away this morning. Your eyesight’s shit, dude.” He paused, his eyes narrowing and his head cocking to the side, before he added, “And aren’t you having a thing with that girl from the library?”

“Instagram.” When the backyard went silent at Luke’s nonchalant confession, he turned as best he could on the ladder and met the curious gazes of his friends. Michael stared at him with raised eyebrows and an unimpressed look on his face as Ashton and Calum bit back laughter at the pink that blossomed on his cheeks. “What? Dahlia showed me! I was curious. It’s not like I went stalking her online,” he defended as he returned his attention to the lights clinging to the side of the house.  “And Jen and I are just friends. She’s dating that girl who works at the tattoo shop on the pier.”

Calum rolled his eyes at Luke’s answer. He wasn’t surprised he’d gone snooping to figure out what Dahlia’s cousin looked like. Luke had had a crush on Dahlia when he first met her, before he realized she was Ashton’s girlfriend, and obviously hoped her cousin would be a close match in terms of looks. However, that wasn’t to say the rest of them had no interest in Evie at all.

They were all curious, anyone Dahlia spoke so highly of had to be someone worth getting to know - and they lived in a small town, new people were always interesting -, but unlike the others, Luke had taken the initiative to ask Dahlia more about her. He wasn’t content to wait where the others were. Calum wanted to get to know her, especially now that he knew what she looked like and felt a spark of attraction for her, but he didn’t want whatever information he got secondhand to influence his feelings about her. Instead, he wanted his opinion to form naturally.

Instead of joining their conversation and speculating about what she’d be like - they all had wildly different theories and it was almost amusing - Calum focused on gathering the bottles of alcohol Dahlia had purchased the day before. He set up his bar with a few extra bottles placed near the door so Dahlia wouldn’t have so many people venturing into her home before he set about choosing an appropriate playlist - a task he’d been assigned but knew Ashton would likely regret handing off to him.

And when all was said and done, he took a seat on one of the poolside chairs and sipped his drink as he waited for the guests to begin arriving.

It started slowly at first, a trickle of guests into Dahlia’s backyard all filing in one by one. He could recognize every face that entered, each was a close friend that Dahlia really wanted Evie to meet, and he felt at ease as he sat with Michael and his girlfriend, Crystal, as another friend recounted his trip to Vegas for a bachelor party. After that, the guests started arriving in droves.

People piled into the backyard, shoving through the gate two or three at a time, and Calum wasn’t sure if he genuinely didn’t know any of them or if he’d just already had too much to drink. It looked like every person in town under the age of thirty had flocked to Dahlia’s backyard and he was mildly impressed by her ability to draw so many people away from the only bar in town, even if it was just for one night.

Dahlia and Evie were the last guests to arrive and Calum was back behind the makeshift bar when they stepped through the sliding glass doors. He was just out of earshot, just far enough away to observe but not interact, but he could guess that the party wasn’t something Evie wanted. He watched as she hid halfway behind Dahlia and only offered polite smiles - and greetings, if he had to venture a guess - as the party cheered for her. She looked taken aback at how many people littered the backyard and Calum was willing to bet that Dahlia had severely played down the amount of people she expected.

He watched for a moment, still behind the bar as people took the drinks he’d pre-mixed, as Dahlia introduced Evie to Luke and Ashton. She looked happy to be meeting friends, he could tell that the smile she flashed them both was genuine, but she still looked overwhelmed beneath the grin she wore. Her cheeks were flushed pink, much as they had been when he met her, and the flush creeped down her neck to cover her chest.

The flush spread over her skin and Calum found himself studying her much closer than he intended. She looked cute, soft and sweet with her flushed skin and shining eyes, and it was a contrast to the mischief he saw when she skated away backward, just to prove she could. He was glad to note that she’d changed her clothes since their first meeting. Instead of the tank top, shorts, and knee high socks combination she’d skated in, she wore a light summer dress in a pretty blue that looked beautiful on her. She wore a pair of sandals that showed him just how small she was and he shook his head as he watched Luke bend down to hear her reply to something he said.

He didn’t know why he felt a tinge of annoyance as Luke crowded her, a smile on his lips and clearly undressing her with his eyes, but he did his best to swallow it as he observed her.  When he spotted her shifting her weight from foot to foot, a small sign of her anxiety, he began moving without much thought. He ignored the requests he was getting for this drink or that one as he reached for the vodka and pineapple juice Dahlia had purchased specifically for Evie. Her drink of choice was the easiest he’d mixed all night and it only took a minute for him to finish the drink and cross the backyard to where she stood.

He didn’t want to interrupt - he wasn’t really sure what he was doing, anyway; he was just responding to an overwhelming urge to make her comfortable - so he waited until Luke and Ashton were caught up in a conversation with Dahlia, all three of them turning their attention away from Evie for the time being, before he approached and offered her the cup. “You look like you could use this.”

Evie turned to him, surprised by his presence and the offer of a drink, and nearly refused. He could see it in the way she hesitated to take the cup and he realized how it must look, a strange guy offering her a drink, but when she met his eyes and he offered her a smile, she took the cup from his hand. “Thanks. I was going to come grab one when they let me leave,” she joked before her smile turned sheepish. “Sorry, again, for this morning. I just got a little distracted and didn’t realize anyone was crossing the boardwalk. I try not to make running over pedestrians a habit.”

Calum could tell that she still felt bad. She wasn’t quite able to look him in the eye for longer than a few seconds and he believed her when she said this was something that didn’t happen often. “It’s okay,” he assured her with the same smile he’d given her that morning. He was no longer sleep deprived, amused at the smallest things, but he found himself enjoying watching her cheeks flare red and her eyes drop to the ground.

Dahlia had warned them she was shy, a little reserved and quiet, and he could see it as he bit back the teasing jabs he wanted to make about giving her a bell to ring or asking her for a little warning before she pounced on him the next time. She sipped at her drink, her eyes roaming the backyard in an effort to avoid meeting his, and he hid his smile behind the rim of his cup. “You were good, skating away. How long have you been at it?”

Evie looked directly at him again and he noticed that she seemed surprised that he’d stuck around and even more surprised that he was asking her about her skating. He didn’t want to pry, not really, but he made a mental note to ask Dahlia about it later as he waited for her answer.

“I started when I was a kid. Eight, maybe nine?” She paused, considering exactly how long she’d been skating, and shrugged. “Dahlia’s the reason I got started.”

That surprised Calum. Dahlia did yoga with Ashton but other than that, he didn’t think she had ever even stepped foot in a gym. “Really? I can’t picture her as a skater.”

“She grew out of it. She took it up because it was cool, you know? California kid in a beach town, skating on the boardwalk; it was what everyone did and she wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be like her so I started skating, too. She grew out of it, I didn’t. I should, but it’s fun.” Evie shrugged off her explanation, a halfhearted gesture that showed Calum few people stopped to ask her about her hobby, and he struggled to hide his frown as he watched her down the rest of her drink in one go.

“If you enjoy it, keep at it. I think it’s cool.” 

“Thanks.” She looked genuinely appreciative, a warmth in her eyes that told him she was grateful for the compliment, and he nodded his acknowledgement. The conversation stalled, neither of them really knowing where to go from there, and Calum chalked it up to her discomfort at being thrust into such a large crowd and his inability to read her.

He didn’t want to make a snap judgement, she seemed quite good at contradicting his assumptions about her, so he he consciously tuned out the declarations his brain wanted him to make. Instead, he wanted to add more, tell her that she should keep skating regardless of what other people thought about it as long as she enjoyed it, but before he could open his mouth, Dahlia turned her attention back to her cousin and grinned as she caught sight of Calum.

“Cal! You’re not bullying my cousin, are you?” She fixed him with a playful glare, a mock suspicion that told him she knew about the incident, and laughed when he rolled his eyes. She was the most willing to give him hell, to call him out if he was being a little snappy or overstepping in the pursuit of teasing his friends, and he knew that beneath her humor was a genuine question so he shook his head.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Dolly. Why would I bully anyone else when Luke is right there?” Luke, who had tuned into the conversation and stood too close to Evie for Calum’s liking, shot him an unimpressed glare and held up his middle finger in response. Calum just grinned in response, as he usually did, before he returned his attention to Evie. She giggled at the exchange, a genuinely amused smile quirked her lips, and he felt a strange sense of accomplishment as he met her eyes.  “D’you want another?” he asked, gesturing to the empty cup in her hand. 

“I’m okay. Thank you, though. And thanks for this one. Vodka pineapple is my favorite.”

Calum almost admitted that Dahlia told him. He opened his mouth to tell Evie that her cousin had bought too much vodka - and endured too much teasing from Calum and Ashton for the amount of vodka she purchased - just for her but Dahlia spoke before he could. “He’s a bartender,” Dahlia told her, a sly smile in Calum’s direction that he didn’t quite understand, “he’s got that sixth sense of knowing what alcohol you need.”

Evie didn’t look like she believed her - Calum knew he wouldn’t have - but she played along and nodded appreciatively. “It’s a good sense to have. Arguably the most useful of them.” She met his eyes, both of them silently agreeing that whatever Dahlia was attempting to do was not working, and he couldn’t hide his smile as they remained like that for a long moment.

It was just a small joke, a little jab to poke fun at her cousin’s exaggeration, but it was something and it intrigued him. He would’ve been content waiting to hear more, spending the night getting to know her instead of making drinks for insufferable drunks he wouldn’t get compensated for, but Michael’s shout of his name drew his attention back to the abandoned bar. 

He rolled his eyes at Michael’s repeated shouting and turned his eyes back to Evie for a beat. He offered her an apologetic smile before he gestured to the bar. “I better get back before someone has to make their own drink,” he deadpanned, annoyed that he was being roped into pouring drinks when all he wanted was to enjoy himself.

“That’d be a national tragedy.”

Evie bit her lip, obviously not meaning to speak the thought aloud, but it made Calum laugh yet again. “It’d be a shame,” he agreed, his mood lifting slightly as he watched her lips curve up in a soft smile. “If you need another drink, you know where to find me.”

Calum reluctantly left Evie with Dahlia, Luke, and Ashton and crossed the backyard to return to the bar. He lost sight of her between the partygoers that crowded him and the friends of friends that crowded her. Though he hoped he would see her again, their paths didn’t cross and, as disappointed as he was, he imagined it was for the best. He didn’t want to monopolize her time, not when there were more interesting people for her to interact with, and he didn’t want to get too attached to someone who would be leaving in a few months, anyway.

There was nothing there for them, even if they both felt the swarm of butterflies he tried to drown with a shot of tequila, and he wasn’t going to fan the flames. He wanted his summer to be easy, calm and quiet, and he could see her breaking his heart if he let her in too close. So he didn’t look for her, didn’t try to catch her attention even though he knew he could. He just let it be and sat behind the bar, making drinks and counting down the hours until he could leave. 

And as he thought about his night, he decided the future didn’t matter. He was just glad he’d gotten her to smile.

************************

Evie woke the morning after the party with a dry mouth, something that always happened when she drank, but no other signs of a hangover. She hadn’t had much to drink - just the vodka pineapple Calum brought her when she first arrived and the spiked punch Luke grabbed for her that she only drank to be polite - so she wasn’t surprised to find herself hangover free. She was exhausted from socializing, she would’ve been content to lie in bed and pretend other people didn’t exist for the day, and found herself awake far too early for a day that had no plans but, otherwise, she felt fine.

Dahlia, on the other hand, looked like she felt worse than Evie ever had.

The first thing Evie noticed when she stepped into the kitchen was Dahlia sitting at the table with her head in her hands and an untouched cup of coffee and an open bottle of painkillers in front of her. The room was a mess of red solo cups and flickering string lights, there was even a few deflated beach balls littering the living room floor, but it was nothing compared to the backyard.

Evie spotted red cups littering the bright green grass - and the cool blue water of the pool - as well as articles of clothing and even a few remaining guests asleep in lounge chairs. There were plenty of deflated pool floats, a pizza box with half the pizza still inside, and even a few empty liquor bottles strewn across the grass and she grimaced at the thought of cleaning it all up. The aftermath made the party look far cooler than it had actually been and she balked at the state of it all as she poured a cup of coffee and lifted herself up onto the counter to stare at her cousin.

“Don’t start,” Dahlia warned, her voice low and thick with sleep. She waved a hand in Evie’s direction, her nails noticeably chipped and her skin stained with Sharpie from where Michael drew on her after she fell asleep. “Just… don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Evie hid her grin behind her coffee cup and watched as Dahlia lifted her head to fix her with a dirty look. She scowled, her blue eyes narrowed in annoyance, and Evie swallowed her laughter with a sip of coffee.

“If my head didn’t hurt so bad, I’d be rolling my eyes. I just wanted you to know that.” Dahlia groaned at the effort it took to lift herself from her chair and heaved a heavy sigh as she crossed the kitchen to dump her now cold coffee into the sink. 

“Sucks to be you. You’ve gotta go open the shop,” Evie reminded her as she watched her run a little water in the sink to drain it of coffee. “You can’t really call out when you’re your own boss, huh?”

“God, the last thing I want to do is go to work today.” Dahlia looked like she forgot that work existed and, for a moment, like she regretted opening up her own business. However, after a moment of scanning the mess that was her house, she paused. Dahlia’s face twisted in a thoughtful contemplation, her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed, before she fixed Evie with a look that she didn’t like at all. “Want to open up for me?”

“No.”

Dahlia groaned at Evie’s swift response and closed the small gap that existed between them to place her hands on Evie’s knees. “Oh, come on! Please? All you have to do is open the shop up and take care of customers for a few minutes. I’ll be there by ten, at the latest. I just need to shower and, I don’t know, find a new liver.” Despite her best efforts, Evie laughed at this and Dahlia grinned as she watched her soften. 

Evie was usually steadfast in her decisions, able to stick with whatever she chose regardless of how her feelings changed - her future career path was evidence of this -, but Dahlia was good at convincing her to change her mind. And it wasn’t like she didn’t want to help. She would do whatever she could to help Dahlia out. However, opening a shop she hadn’t been to since it opened and working it, alone, for an hour? That thought intimidated her.

One of her biggest fears was failing spectacularly and she feared she would accidentally burn down the shop or maybe offend half of Dahlia’s customer base and she didn’t want that at all.

However, she found herself unable to tell her no. Although the party wasn’t exactly for Evie - not really, it was more an excuse for Dahlia and her friends to party without feeling guilty - she was still housing her for the summer with little expectations. She wasn’t paying rent or doing much outside of helping with groceries so she felt like she owed her that much, at least.

She only had one option and she didn’t really like it.

Evie remained silent for a moment, her eyes narrowed at her cousin just to make her squirm, before she heaved a heavy sigh and nodded. “Fine. But if you’re not there by ten, I’m locking up and leaving the shop empty while I go skate. I want to try out the skate park before it gets crowded with kids for the summer.”

“Deal. Love you, kid. Thank you,” Dahlia exclaimed, looking brighter than she did a moment ago, as she reached out and pinched Evie’s cheek. She laughed Evie swatted at her hand and nudged her side to get her to stop. “The shop is dead before eleven on Saturday, anyway. At most, you’ll have a few people wanting pastry but that’s about it. Find what you need in the pastry case. If someone has a custom order, write it down and get their name and number and I’ll confirm with them later.” 

After her explanation, Dahlia took off down the hallway. Evie watched her disappear, rushing toward her bedroom with a grace that Evie still couldn’t manage, even on skates. She was envious of how Dahlia moved, how it looked like she was floating on air even with the way her shoulders slumped and her head fell forward due to the hangover, and found herself comparing their differences yet again as she retreated to the guest bedroom she claimed as her own for the summer.

She envied Dahlia in a number of ways. Dahlia was graceful, of course, but she was also living life the way she chose. Her parents wanted her to go to college and get a business degree but her passion was baking. She knew the degree might be helpful - she sometimes lamented not choosing the college route, especially as she navigated the wonderful world of entrepreneurship - but she preferred getting practical experience so instead of spending four years in school, she worked in cafes and bakeries and trained with any pastry chef that would have her. She attended culinary school, after working long enough to save up the money so she wouldn’t feel like she owed her parents, and was steadfast in doing whatever she could to make her dream come true. 

Evie, meanwhile, was stuck living the life her parents deemed appropriate just because she was too afraid to challenge them. 

She didn’t want to be a lawyer. It wasn’t the life she would’ve chosen for herself. However, as she skated along the sidewalk that ran between Dahlia’s house and Flower, she realized that she wasn’t sure what life she would’ve chosen for herself. She hadn’t really been given the opportunity to dream as a child - her future had long since been determined for her - and feared it was too late now.

And, even if she was given the chance to dream, what would she do as she dreamt? 

She was stuck, though she realized there were worse places to be stuck than with a paid for degree and a guaranteed ticket to law school.

Evie heaved a heavy sigh as she stopped in front of the shop. She paid no attention to her surroundings as she flipped through Dahlia’s keyring to find the front door key. Her headphones were situated over her ears and she was lost in thought as she stepped inside, rolling around the tables and flipping on lights as she did. As soon as the computer was turned on and everything was ready to go, she pulled off her headphones and sat down at one of the tables to switch her skates out for a pair of Docs.

“When you’re not body slamming strangers, you are actually really good.”

“Jesus Christ.” Evie stood from her seat, sending her skates rolling across the floor and shaking the table, as a voice echoed through the empty shop. She hadn’t heard the bell ring - a fact she chalked up to the headphones - and was surprised to find Calum standing near the entrance with a smile on his face. He was leaning against a table, arms folded over his chest, but leaned down to grab the skate as it rolled across the floor to him.

Evie was glad to see him again. She’d planned on seeking him out at the party, she wanted to talk to him, but every attempt she made was thwarted. If she wasn’t inundated with questions for Dahlia’s friends about her life in L.A., Luke was following her every move. He hung onto her like a lost puppy and while she thought he was cute, someone else had already captured her interest.

She smiled at Calum as he crossed the shop, holding the run away skate out for her to take, and willed herself not to flush pink in his presence yet again. She didn’t feel so embarrassed, not anymore. Those feelings were replaced with butterflies raging in the pit of her stomach and she willed her thumping heart to calm as she shook her head and said, “Thanks. Good morning.”

“Good morning. That happen often?”

Calum smirked at her, obviously amused by her string of bad luck when it came to him, and watched her as she moved. “Not really, no. I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck, Calum.” Evie laughed as she teased Calum, a grin on her face to let him know she was joking, and focused on lacing up the remaining boot before she placed her skates on the leash and stashed them beneath the counter beside her bag. “What brings you to Flower?”

“The guys are all dying of hangovers. It was my turn to pick up breakfast and I know the owner here,” he said, his eyes shining with mischief as he approached the counter she now stood behind and watched her brush her hair over her shoulder and away from her face.

“Mm, well, the owner isn’t in but I’ll do my best to help you fulfill your duties as breakfast bringer. What do you need?”

“Surprise me. I’ll trust your judgement.” Evie raised an eyebrow at Calum’s words, her smile still present, before she rolled her eyes and set about gathering an assortment of pastries. He made a noise, a sound that made it seem like he’d just had a thought, before he added, “I will admit, it’s hard trusting your judgement when your favorite drink is vodka pineapple but…”

Evie lifted her head, shooting him a playful glare over the top of the pastry case, before she narrowed her eyes and huffed. “Isn’t it against the bartender code of ethics or something to judge someone based on their drink choice?”

“Absolutely not. I think that’s the most ethical decision. Saves me from getting to know people with bad taste,” he defended, a laugh leaving his lips as he leaned back against one of the tables and watched her work. “And it’s a good way to pass time during slow shifts.”

Evie placed a piece of pastry paper into one box and reached for another to pack a few more items. “There’s such a thing as a slow shift at a bar here?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this isn’t exactly L.A. There’s one bar in town and it’s only busy when kids come home from college. The rest of the year, there are plenty of slow shifts.” Calum explained with a shrug as he watched her bag up the boxes of pastries and slide them across the counter.

“You getting good at judging people based on their drinks, then?” Evie was certain she looked skeptical, she felt it, but Calum took her question in stride as he offered her a playful shrug.

“You can always come to the bar and see for yourself. I’ll share some of my judgements, you let me know how you think I did.”

Evie blinked in surprise at Calum’s offer. She hadn’t expected him to be so bold but she found that she liked it. The friends she made, the guys she dated, often beat around the bush or took far too long to ask for what they wanted. Calum, on the other hand, seemed comfortable enough to dive right in. It was a welcome change and she found herself nodding without really thinking it through.

“Okay, sure. I’ll come judge your judgements as long as you promise not to make fun of my drink of choice. Or my skating.”

“Never made fun of your skating, Evie,” Calum reminded her with a tooth-filled smile, “just your string of unfortunate luck when I’m around. My shift starts at seven tonight. Dolly usually drops by around eight with Ash and the guys if you want to join them.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Calum lingered near the counter for a beat of silence after paying for the pastries. They stared at one another, both with glittering eyes and butterflies in their stomachs, and smiled as they took in the matching pink tint both their cheeks took on. Neither of them had gone into the summer with the intention of anything more than fun but they could feel something brewing beneath the surface. There was more to them than either of them wanted to admit yet, they didn’t know what awaited them down the line, but they were both coming to the conclusion that getting there would be a fun journey.

“See you around, Evie.” Calum broke the stalemate first, his words spoken softly with a hint of hope  that didn’t go unnoticed. He gave her another smile, this one soft and unlike the others she’d seen thus far, before he turned to leave the shop.

“See you around, Calum.”

Evie watched as he left the shop. He glanced at her over his shoulder as he left the shop and she bit her lip to keep her smile from growing any wider as he did so. She felt giddy, an annoying sort of excitement that she hadn’t felt in a long while, and willed herself to calm as he disappeared into the morning sun. She wasn’t sure what she was getting herself into with Calum, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but for the first time in a long while, she found that she didn’t quite mind the uncertainty.

In fact, she was looking forward to it.

**********************************

Calum stood behind the bar at Jack’s, a dingy dive that he’d been working at since he turned eighteen, and wiped at the counter as he waited for another customer to approach him. He hadn’t been old enough to bartend when he started, he just bussed tables and stocked the backroom, but since he turned twenty-one, he’d been behind the bar almost every night as he worked to save up enough money to finally leave his hometown.

He loved his family, he loved his friends, but he didn’t exactly love the life he was living. He was desperate to make a real life for himself, a better life for himself. He wanted an opportunity, a chance to prove that he could be something other than a small-town bartender or a washed up surfer, and he hoped that L.A. was the answer to all of his problems. Though, realistically, he knew that it was likely anything but.

He sometimes felt envious as he thought about the lives those around him led. His friends were settled into their small town lives. Ashton and Michael both had steady partners and were attempting to build futures as Ashton opened his own surf shop and Michael made more than enough money designing video games. Luke was just enjoying himself, having fun as he navigated small town life and worked to complete as much of a degree as he could at the local junior college. All the while Calum felt like he was drifting. 

He felt like everyone around him had a plan, an idea of what they wanted from their future, while he felt like he had no idea and it scared him. He’d had one, once, but life hadn’t worked out he way he wanted and it threw him off balance. He was plunged into the unknown and it was well beyond uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to the uncertainty, to not knowing what would come next, and he felt like he needed to get his life back on track.

He just wasn’t sure how.

He didn’t know what was next, what came after spending his so-called best years working in a dive bar and not really doing anything he deemed important. He didn’t know where he would end up or what he even wanted to do anymore. He just knew that he needed to leave his hometown and make something of his life. 

He needed to matter.

Calum heaved a heavy sigh, his heart thudding uncomfortably in his chest, as he shook his head to clear it. Those thoughts always hurt more than he cared to admit. He didn’t like dwelling on the what-if’s and the heavier parts of his life. He didn’t like the heavy feeling that lingered in his stomach or the way his chest tightened when he worried about it. And, maybe, that was why he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. He couldn’t bring himself to think about it for longer than a few moments at a time. If he did, he panicked and it only served to hurt him more.

It was a catch-22; no matter what he did, he felt like he was fighting a losing battle.

Thankfully, as his thoughts started to swirl a little too quickly, a regular approached him and requested a refill on his favorite beer. Calum welcomed the opportunity to focus on work and listened idly as the man made a comment about the baseball game that played on the televisions above the bar.

He listened as the man complained about the current pitcher, a player he didn’t recognize as he didn’t follow baseball himself, and paid no mind to the noise as a new group entered the bar. He assumed it was a group of kids, just returned home from college, and worked to finish the task at hand. However, a flash of motion at the end of the bar caught his attention.

He turned his head just enough to catch sight of the customer and spotted Evie out of the corner of his eye, her long hair brushed back over her shoulder and showing off the low-cut top she wore. He had to take a moment to breathe, to swallow down the bubbling attraction he felt in the pit of his stomach, as he slid the beer across the counter. But when, with a smile and a tilt of his glass, the regular walked away, Calum had no choice but to turn his attention to Evie who flashed him a bright smile and waited for him to move close enough to hear her.

“I’m definitely not in L.A. anymore,” she commented, her eyes bright as she glanced around the dingy bar. She took in the decor, a mixture of old photographs and street signs and records, and Calum grimaced. It was rough - he knew that it looked like a bad dive from an even worse movie - and he could only imagine how it compared to the kinds of places she went to in the city. However, she surprised him when she said, “But I like it. Doesn’t feel so intimidating. I don’t feel like I need to look picture perfect, you know? I do feel kind of overdressed, though.”

Calum would be the first to admit that she looked out of place. She was definitely overdressed compared to the few older couples in casual beachwear and a few college students dressed in athletic shorts and oversized t-shirts. She wore a white, ribbed short-sleeved top tucked into a high-waisted red skirt and a pair of platforms that gave her a few inches of height. It was a good look on her - and it made Calum realize that skirts and shorts, anything that showed off her legs, were staples of her wardrobe; not that he was complaining - and he surprised himself when didn’t hesitate to tell her that.

“Doesn’t matter. You look beautiful,” he complimented as he wiped at a spot on the bar and glanced at her from beneath his lashes. Just as he expected, her cheeks tinted pink and she rolled her eyes at the compliment as she turned her head to glance around the bar once more. He spotted the others - Ashton and Dahlia, Michael and Crystal, and Luke, watching her with an interest that told Calum he wasn’t the only one who noticed how beautiful she looked - and sent her a smile. “First round on you?”

“Mhm. Least I could do for the party,” she answered with a shrug. He knew she hadn’t loved the party - he could see it on her face - but he was pleasantly surprised that she was attempting to pay it forward. “They said you know their usuals. I’d like to hear your judgements based on their orders.”

“I know them too well to judge their orders.” He began pouring the beer that Michael liked, a local brew that everyone else hated, as he lifted his eyes to meet hers once more. “But I can tell you my thoughts on some of the drinks I’ve already made tonight.”

“That’s not violating bartender-patron confidentiality?”

“Not by a long shot. See those girls over there?” When Evie nodded, subtly looking in the direction of the two college students that sat near the door, he repeated the gesture. “Both have really shitty, cheap white wine. It’s a social drink. There’s barely any alcohol in it so they’re not here to get drunk, just here to gossip and vent. They’ll both wobble out of here after one drink, that has barely any alcohol, and use it as an excuse to do something stupid like text an ex.”

“I don’t know if you need to know their drink orders to guess that. That’s just their demographic. What else you got?” She had a playful look in her eyes, offering up a challenge for something less obvious, and Calum laughed as he set to work pouring Luke’s tequila-based drink.

“That couple, way over there.” Again, she sent a subtle glance in their direction before nodding. “They’re in here almost every night. He drinks the same beer, she drinks the same vodka soda. They both like routine. He likes simple, no fuss. It’s a way to relax. For her, she gets that to pretend she’s more sophisticated than she is. Wants a drink with more alcohol than white wine but not something complicated and fruity. Sees it as a sort of marker of status or something.”

Evie nodded, a thoughtful look on her face as she watched him pour Dahlia’s drink of choice - which just so happened to be a vodka soda - before she tilted her head to the side and asked, “What does my vodka pineapple tell you about me?”

Calum looked at her. She was genuinely curious, not challenging or defensive, and he smiled as he finished pouring Ashton’s beer before he rounded the bar to help her carry the drinks to the table. He fixed her with a look and she raised an eyebrow as she waited for him to answer. “You don’t like to drink, you chose a drink where you can barely taste the alcohol, but you want to be a part of the group. If you did want to drink, you would either be a complete lightweight or drink everyone here under the table, there’s no in-between. You want simple, no fuss, and you put on that you don’t care what other people think but, deep down, you care more than anyone else.”

Evie blinked in surprise at his answer. She stared at him, her eyes narrowed and her cherry red lip between her teeth, before she shook her head and offered a half-hearted laugh. “All that from a vodka pineapple?”

“You’d be surprised what you can learn behind a bar. I’ll help you get these over to the group before they start rioting.”

Calum didn’t want to admit that he’d watched her at the party. He didn’t want to admit that he’d kept his eyes on her, even when she was surrounded by friends of friends and strangers alike. He didn’t want to tell her that those were the observations he made based on watching her interact with a group of people, nor did he want to tell her that he had more thoughts that, based on her reaction, were likely just as correct.

He kept that to himself just as he kept his growing attraction to her to himself.

He knew the signs of a bubbling crush - a term he hated because it felt so middle school but he wasn’t sure what else he could call it - and could feel them crashing over him like a tidal wave. He didn’t like the way his chest tightened when she was around. He didn’t like the way he wanted more, wanted to get to know her beyond the little bit he already guessed. He didn’t like the way he felt butterflies swirling in his stomach and climbing up the back of his throat. He didn’t like the way he was starting to feel about her and what he was beginning to learn about her from their brief interactions.

He hadn’t learned it all - and hadn’t formed his crush - from a vodka pineapple but he wasn’t going to tell her that.

Calum helped her carry the drinks to the table and averted his eyes when he watched her take the open seat beside Luke. It wasn’t as if either of them had any claim on her, both were interested but neither had made a move - even though he was starting to feel certain that she wasn’t interested in Luke the way he was in her - but he still felt annoyed watching her sit so close to the one other person who seemed to be vying for her attention.

Normally, Calum would’ve stuck around, hung out for a few minutes. He would’ve attempted to capture her attention once more, maybe crack a joke or ask her another question, but his own attention was promptly pulled back to the bar. Instead of getting to see her smile once more, he turned away from the table and missed the look she gave him, the way she watched him return to work with a crestfallen look on her face. 

During his shift, Calum snuck a few breaks to hang out with the group just as he usually did. He tried not to monopolize Evie’s time, he tried to interact with her as he would with anyone else, but he found himself drawn to her time and time again. He kept his eye on her and seemed to meet her gaze every time he glanced her way. 

When the bar finally emptied of anyone but them around ten, he changed the music to a playlist they all loved and laughed as he watched Dahlia and Ashton get up and begin to dance. They always took the opportunity to dance, although neither of them could move sober, and he found it endearing to see them still so smitten after so many years.

What he didn’t find endearing, however, was watching Luke hold his hand out to Evie. It was a gesture meant to entice her to dance but Calum felt a small thrill as she refused without hesitation and gestured to the bar. Instead of joining the others on the makeshift dance floor, she slid out of the booth and crossed the empty bar to take a seat on one of the barstools, all the while smiling directly at him.

He didn’t want to seem too pleased with her decision so he kept his gaze on the glasses he’d been cleaning. “No dancing for you?” he asked as she shifted on her seat and watched Luke crowd in to dance with Crystal and Michael.

“I only dance on wheels. ‘Sides, couldn’t leave you over here alone while everyone else had fun. I figured I’d keep you company.”

Calum hid his smile at the fact that she chose to spend time with him over dancing with the others and kept working as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She watched him work, her brown eyes trailing him as he moved. “You spend a lot of time on skates, huh?”

“When I have free time.” She shrugged, offering him a small smile and a nod of gratitude when he slid a glass of water across the bar to her - he had been correct; she’d only had one drink before switching to water while the others were sufficiently hammered. “I have a few friends that are into it and I do roller derby when I can but I don’t get to skate as often as I want. What about you? Living this close to a nice, more or less uncrowded beach must give you a lot of time to surf.”

“When I have free time,” he repeated her answer, smiling at her as she rolled her eyes. “I go pretty often but I’m here most nights and end up sleeping all day most days. Night shift can be brutal.” He shrugged himself, a nonchalant expression meant to show that he didn’t mind the long hours he worked, but Evie frowned at him and he felt a pang of something - affection, maybe? -  as she expressed her sadness for him.

“I’m sorry. It sucks to have something so close seem so far.”

It was brief, a throwaway comment meant to ease his mind, but Calum appreciated it just the same. However,  he didn’t want to dwell so he simply acknowledged her comment with a hum. He paused then, his eyes fixed on her as she glanced at Dahlia and Ashton and smiled as she watched them move. And before he could really think about it, he asked, “How hard was it to learn to skate?”

“I don’t really remember,” she answered, her lips curving downward into a brow as she turned her attention back to him. She looked thoughtful, attempting to remember how difficult her early days of skating were, before she shrugged. “I was so young when I started that I don’t really remember the struggle. It just kind of feels like I’ve always been skating, you know? Tricks are tough to learn, even now, but skating itself? I’m probably remembering wrong but it felt really easy at the time. Why? You want to learn?”

She meant it as a joke, he knew that, but Calum was serious as he nodded. “I was thinking about it, yeah.” He’d never really given any thought to wanting to learn to skate. He enjoyed watching people skate down the boardwalk in the summer and had seen a few roller girls in his day but he’d never been curious enough to want to skate himself. However, Evie loved skating so much and spent so much of her time on wheels that it seemed like the perfect way for him to spend time with her. 

He felt a little embarrassed as she scrutinized him, blinking in surprise and mild amusement, but before he could walk it back and tell her he’d been joking, she grinned at him. She looked so earnest and excited at the prospect and he found it endearing as she beamed at him. “I could teach you,” she offered, smiling at him over the rim of her glass. “I mean, if you really want to learn, I could help.”

“Really?” This was exactly what Calum had been hoping for and tried his best not to convey his utter excitement as he watched her nod.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s the least I could do for body slamming you yesterday. But I’m going to ask for a favor, too. So, it’s both an apology and a sort of, uh, quid pro quo situation.”

“Ah, so it’s not just out of the goodness of your heart. What do you get from this then?” He was curious, unsure of what he could possibly offer her, and waited for her response with a raised eyebrow and his full attention on her.

“Teach me how to surf.”

To say that he hadn’t expected that would be an understatement. Calum blinked slowly, not expecting her to want to surf as it didn’t seem to be up her alley whatsoever. But, then again, he hadn’t pegged her as a skater and here she was, offering to teach him. And, as much as he hated that the thought entered his mind, he wasn’t going to complain about getting to see her in a bathing suit so he nodded. “Alright. You teach me to skate, I’ll teach you how to surf. I have Friday and Saturday off. We could meet at the rink on Friday morning and the beach on Saturday? I don’t think I’m ready for the streets yet.”

Evie laughed at his admission and nodded her agreement. “The rink sounds like a great option. I’ve been wanting to check the one here out. I’m looking forward to it.”

She was completely sincere in her words, her excitement evident and catching as Calum felt his own smile widen. He was looking forward to it, too, and told her as much as she caught Dahlia’s eye and nodded her acknowledgement that they were getting ready to leave. “I can’t wait,” he admitted, a grin on his lips and a flush to his cheeks. “I’ll see you on Friday, Evie.”

He didn’t miss the way Luke, Michael, Crystal, Ashton, and Dahlia looked at him. Everyone - apart from Luke - looked amused at the situation at hand. He knew they all heard him tell her he’d see her on Friday and he knew that they would all know their plans soon enough but he reveled in the annoyed look on Luke’s face as he waved them out with a smile. Evie was the last to leave, calling out her own goodbye over her shoulder before she disappeared into the warm night air, and Calum felt his grin grow.

He was still worried about his future, deep in the back of his mind, but he decided that the near future - Friday, to be exact - was more manageable for him to think about. He had something to look forward to, plans that didn’t make him anxious, and he was excited to see Evie again. He still didn’t want to admit it to himself, not with the luck he’d had in terms of summer flings, but he was looking forward to her company.

*************************

Although Evie and Calum didn’t plan to see one another again until Friday, they’d been able to speak a few more times over the course of the week that separated them. He hadn’t been joking about his - hers now, too, she supposed - friends visiting the bar regularly. She’d spent almost every night in Jack’s, right alongside the group she was quickly coming to know and love, and kept Calum company whenever the rest of the group got too drunk to be much fun.

They talked, mostly about their friends and stories from their lives that were deemed safe for getting to know each other, and she found herself even more excited for their skating session now that she knew a little more about the kind of person Calum was. She found herself growing attached to him, looking forward to seeing him at Jack’s or getting a meme from him at three in the morning when he finally got off work and made it to the house he shared with Ashton, and that worried her.

Evie knew herself well enough to know that pursuing something with Calum wasn’t exactly realistic. They had no future - she would be back in L.A. in a matter of less than two months and a three hour commute for a summer fling didn’t seem to be the most feasible idea. However, she tried hard not to remind herself of the harsh reality that awaited them come August.

She liked Calum, far more than she believed she would at first, and felt a more intense swarm of butterflies swirling in the pit of her stomach every time they crossed paths.

As much as she wanted to overthink it, as much as she wanted to rationalize her way out of pursuing him, she didn’t believe that was possible. She felt her rationality chipping away, piece by piece, with every smile Calum gave her. And, besides, that felt too much like running and she didn’t want to disappoint Dahlia. So, instead of thinking her way out of a fun summer, she decided to just let fate control her destiny.

If a summer romance was in the cards, well, who was she to run from it?

Evie tried her hardest not to get lost in her head as she arrived at the rink. The parking lot was deserted, there was only one other car and she imagined it belonged to whoever had the opening shift, and she wasn’t surprised to find the rink empty as she entered. It was barely ten, the rink had only been open for a matter of minutes, and from what  Dahlia told her, the rink didn’t see many customers until the sun went down.

She felt a pang of longing for her own rink, a place that felt more like home than her own home did, and although she missed the crowds and the staff at her own rink, she was glad that it was empty for Calum’s sake. She didn’t really remember learning how to skate herself but she couldn’t imagine it would be fun having the whole town watch you fall on your ass. It was more fun skating with a group when you knew what you were doing, however, learning alone was far easier.

She’d arrived early enough that she still had fifteen minutes until Calum was supposed to meet her. She lingered near the door for a moment, contemplating her options, before she decided to spend the little time she had alone skating around the rink. She knew that she would be spending the rest of the morning guiding Calum around, that was what she signed up for, so she wanted to utilize the time to both loosen up and free herself of the thoughts that were plaguing her.

The best way for her to clear her mind had always been going for a skate.

Evie didn’t really stop to think about it as she took a seat on one of the neon green benches and pulled off her sneakers. She shoved them into her backpack before pulling on her skates - complete with a fresh set of indoor wheels - and stepped out into the rink.

It almost felt strange being in a rink again. She hadn’t been to one in months, most of her skating was done outdoors or in a derby setting, and had almost forgotten how much she loved it as she started off slow. She took her time as she made a few laps around the rink, just enjoying the music (the same 80s hits that seemed to play in every rink she’d ever been to) and warming up. It was nice, getting a second to breathe, and she was grateful for the opportunity as she lost herself in the feeling.

As she took a few laps, she didn’t notice the door open, nor did she notice anyone enter the rink. She was focused on her movements, on trying a few tricks that she hadn’t quite nailed on asphalt but could complete with no problems on the rink floor that mimicked the hardwood of her apartment, instead of on the world around her. If she had looked, she would’ve seen Calum standing off to the side, his elbows resting on the wall that enclosed the rink and a soft smile on his lips as he watched her. He looked awed by her movements, his eyes bright and excited as he watched her spin and jump, and resisted the urge to clap as she landed a trick that looked effortless but likely took more practice than he ever could imagine.

Evie knew that she was more graceful on skates than she was on her own two feet and she sometimes wondered how she managed it. Her friends claimed it was odd, how she could trip over nothing when walking down the street but could glide and spin and flip with the best roller girls, and she wished she knew why. It was just the way things worked out for her.

She focused on loosening up, on pulling a few practice moves for a few more minutes, and enjoyed the feeling of the wood gliding beneath her skates. She loved feeling her hair whip around her, blowing behind her as she moved, and grinned at the rush she felt as she glanced over and spotted Calum near the wall. She shot him a smile as she skated across the floor to him, her eyes wide and her chest moving a little faster than usual as she caught her breath. She took in the sight of him, looking as out of place among the neon decor of the rink in his all-black ensemble as she had at Jack’s. 

“Hi,” she greeted, her voice displaying her slight lack of breath from the exertion. “You look comfortable.” He did, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and she was glad he’d listened to her when she told him to dress for comfort.

“I didn’t get the memo. Is the aesthetic necessary to the learning process or do I magically get a pair of knee high socks when I get good enough?”

She was wearing an outfit similar to what she’d worn the first day they met, a crop top and shorts with a pair of knee high socks, and rolled her eyes at his teasing. “Yeah, your fairy skate mother brings them to you along with a pair of new skates and a fanny pack. To be a good skater, you have to dress like a roller girl from the seventies. It’s the first rule in the handbook.” Calum grinned at her teasing and she shook her head before she gave him a once over. “D’you at least wear a pair of high socks?”

“I did,” he confirmed, lifting the leg of his sweatpants just enough to show her the highest socks he had in his collection and felt silly wearing. “I’m ready for my first lesson, coach.”

“Come on, then,” she laughed, stepping out of the rink and gliding across the carpet with a gesture for Calum to follow. “Let’s go get you a pair of skates. What size shoe do you wear?”

Calum told her his shoe size and she relayed the information to the worker behind the window as Calum caught up with her. He glanced at the racks of skates and frowned at the standard beige and orange combination he saw. “These aren’t as cool as yours,” he commented, glancing down at the neon green skates she wore, now with black wheels. “These are… boring.”

Evie laughed at his observation and shrugged. “These cost five bucks to rent. You’ll probably hate me if I tell you how much mine cost.” When he made a face, something that told her she was right, she shook her head and pressed the skates into his hands. “Come on, first lesson is how to tie these things.”

Calum followed Evie across the rink, back to the bench where her backpack laid, and took a seat as she leaned against the wall. He kicked off his own Vans, sat them beside her bag, and began pulling on his skates. When he went to tie them himself, Evie shook her head.

“They fit okay?” When he nodded, she repeated the motion and stepped closer before kneeling down in front of him. Calum blinked, willing himself not to get any ideas on her close proximity and position, as she said, “Give me your foot.” He raised an eyebrow at this, unsure of what she was doing, but she paid him no mind as he followed her directions and she yanked the laces tight on the boot and looped them over the three metal hooks at the top before tying them in a bow.

“Okay, wow, that’s a little tight,” he mumbled, not wanting to sound like he couldn’t handle it but completely surprised at the feeling as he watched her shift to his other foot. “Fuck, you skate like this?”

Evie laughed at his reaction and nodded her head. “You get used to it.” She stood from her position and brushed her knees off before she explained, “You don’t want your skates flying off your feet or your feet coming out of them when you fall. Plus, it keeps them tight to your ankle and helps with balance. It keeps you secure. Ready for lesson number two?”

“If that’s standing then, uh, maybe give me a second?” Calum requested as he glanced down at his feet and gave them an experimental roll across the carpet. Evie bit back a laugh as she watched, amused by his actions and the widening of his eyes, but nodded as she waited for him to deem himself ready. It took a long moment but he finally lifted his head and looked at her again. “Okay. Ready to stand.”

“Alright. See that thing on the end of your boot?” Calum looked down and she hid her laughter as she watched him nod. “That’s your toe stop. Dig that into the carpet with one foot and use that to help you keep your balance as you stand. I recommend using the toe stop on your dominant foot.” He looked uncertain, shaky at best, but his eyes narrowed in concentration as he attempted to follow her directions. It took him a moment, he took a deep breath to build himself up, but he finally managed to dig the toe stop into the carpet as she directed and lift himself from the bench.

He wobbled on his skates, his arms flailing by his side as he attempted to steady himself, and Evie swallowed her laughter as she reached out and grabbed his arm to help him regain his balance. “I’m good,” he nodded, though he looked a little wide-eyed and panicked just standing there, “I’ve got it.”

Evie didn’t believe him, not in the slightest, but she nodded. “If you say so, champ,” she teased, her grin prominent as she began skating backward toward the rink itself. “Come here, to the edge, and I’ll show you what you need to be doing. You can hang on to the wall here.”

Calum slowly moved across the carpet, his movements steady and unsure, and Evie kept close to him just in case he started to go down. She bit her lip to hide her smile as she watched him barely inch across the carpet but when he paused, eyes wide as his feet started to shift in a way he didn’t like, she laughed and glanced at her watch.

“Shut up,” he snapped, though there was no real malice in his voice as he finally made it to the wall and gripped the edge as he watched her step out onto the hardwood floor. “Not all of us are professionals.” He leveled a glare at her, his eyes narrowed and his fingers digging into the wall as he said, “I can’t wait to laugh at you tomorrow.”

“Mm, I’m sure you can’t. I’ll do my best to remember I have it coming,” she confirmed, a peal of laughter leaving her lips as she gestured for him to step out onto the wood himself. She could tell that he felt even more unsteady, even as he clutched the wall, and she kept close enough to reach out but far enough to not get hurt as he settled into one spot. “Okay, so, starting is pretty easy. You want to stride. If you try to move like you’re walking, you’ll trip and hurt yourself. Now, I want you to make a penguin shape.” She demonstrated, placing her feet in a ‘v’ shape and bending her knees slightly, and Calum frowned in concentration as he replicated her movement.

Evie nodded encouragingly as she watched him move. “Good. When you move, you don’t want your toes to be pointed straight because you won’t really go anywhere. Shift out, like this. She demonstrated the move, striding with her feet shifted out, and smiled at how concentrated Calum looked as he watched her feet move.

Calum slowly began copying her moves, his feet shifting as he attempted to stride, and clutched onto the wall as he did so. She moved along beside him, slowly gliding over the floor in a way that she hoped looked effortless, and nodded encouragingly as he attempted to let go of the wall and move on his own, unaided.

“You’re a natural,” she teased, her voice clearly expressing how much fun she was having as she watched him shuffle along. He shot her a dirty look and she laughed as she watched him flail. “When you feel like you’re going to lose your balance, bend your knees. Whoa, whoa, drop it low, okay?” Calum raised an eyebrow at this and Evie shook her head as she gestured to his knees. “Just bend your knees, please. It won’t hurt so bad when you hit the floor this way.”

“That’s really encouraging, thanks.”

Evie laughed at Calum’s deadpan words and reached out, without thinking, to lift his chin and keep his gaze off the floor. “Don’t watch your feet or the ground. Keep your chin up. You’re going to fall. It’s just how it is. Everyone falls when they start, I fall and I’ve been skating most of my life. You just take steps to minimize the pain.”

Calum hummed, a thoughtful noise, and nodded his understanding as the pair of them slowly began shuffling around the rink. She watched him, a quick glance at his feet before her eyes flickered to his face, and felt a soft smile quirk her lips as she watched him begin to relax.

“You’re doing good, Calum. You want to hug the wall for the rest of the morning or do you want to try and move away a little?”

“The wall’s comfortable. We’ve become best friends.”

Evie rolled her eyes at Calum’s words, a laugh leaving her lips as she reached for his hand. She was gentle as she took his hand in hers and guided him away from the wall. Neither of them thought about the contact, her too focused on keeping him upright and him too alarmed at the thought of his safety net disappearing, but she knew that she would dwell on it later as she squeezed his hand and began guiding him around the rink.

“Don’t think about it,” she advised, her words gentle as she spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music. “Just feel it. Don’t look at your feet, don’t look at the floor. Shoulders back, chin up, knees bent; there you go.”

The pair of them moved just a little away from the wall, Calum doing his best to follow her instruction, and she watched as he struggled to find his balance. He was athletic and she knew that balance was necessary for surfing but balancing on wheels didn’t seem to be his strong suit. With every stride he made, his footing grew less steady and despite her repeated calls for him to bend his knees, he remained stiff once she let go of his hand. He was on his own, moving slowly, and she could see the fall coming before he knew what was happening.

She watched as he hit the ground, landing square on his ass and wincing as he tried to catch himself on his hands - something she reminded herself to teach him not to do. She bit back her laughter, amused at the look of sheer surprise on his face, as she lowered herself to the ground beside him so she could teach him how to get up.

“You okay?” Her question was serious, a genuine inquiry as to how he was doing, but Calum took the muffled laughter as a sign of her amusement and rolled his eyes as he flipped her off.

“Perfect,” he mumbled, his voice displaying his annoyance at both his fall and how difficult he was finding learning to move on skates. “How the fuck do I get up?”

“Similar to how you got off the bench. Also, when you fall, don’t try to catch yourself on your wrists. I know that’s your first instinct but you’ll break your wrist. Fall on your knees or your butt. Okay, get on your knees.” Calum studied her for a moment, a look of skepticism on his face, but when she moved into position, he followed suit. “Okay, place one foot down - use your dominant foot - and press your hands really hard against your knee. Use your toe stop on the other foot to push yourself up.” She stood, just as she practiced time and time again, and Calum took two tries to get back up on his feet the way she had.

“I’m glad this place is empty,” he huffed as he stood there, his toe stop against the floor and his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. “I’d be fucking embarrassed to get shown up by a group of eight year olds right now.”

“Yeah, that’s why I chose a time I knew it’d be empty. Wouldn’t want to hurt your ego again,” she teased, calling back to their first meeting. 

Calum narrowed his eyes at her, however, he wasn’t able to hide his smile as he shook his head. She felt the butterflies in her stomach again, a furious storm of them fluttering about, as he smiled wide and laughed at his own mistake. He took a second to calm his laughter, and hers, before he asked, “Alright, what am I supposed to do again?”

Calum did his best to follow Evie’s instructions to the letter this time and she was pleased at how well he was listening as they completed their first circle. He took to bending his knees and she could hear him mumble, ‘Whoa, whoa, drop it low,’ under his breath every time he so much as wobbled. However, instead of holding his arms out in the way that she’d been taught, he took to gripping onto her whenever he felt unsteady.

“If I go down again, you’re going with me,” he explained, a teasing lilt to his voice as they made yet another rotation around the rink. Evie wasn’t complaining, not in the slightest, however, she could tell that he was growing more comfortable as his grip on her hand grew less panicked and a little more casual.

“Sure thing, Cal.” She knew how to fall, she knew the way to minimize her injuries, and figured whenever he fell again, he  would take the brunt of it. Until then, she decided to just let him get a feel for moving. They remained silent for a moment, the sound of an 80s song she couldn’t identify filling the lull in conversation, before she asked, “Want to play twenty questions?”

“Is that your way of distracting me? Because if it is, it’s not going to work. I’m still sort of freaking out here,” he informed her, his smile showing that he was only partially serious. “But sure.”

“How long have you been surfing?”

“I started when I was about thirteen. I didn’t have many friends so my parents encouraged me to play sports or something to make some. My sister was a lifeguard and there were surf lessons, they took advantage of them. I met Luke and the rest is history, I guess.” Calum shrugged, a soft smile on his lips, before he turned his head just enough to look at Evie. “Why’re you spending the summer here instead of in L.A.?”

“I just needed to get away for a while. My parents left before they could, uh, encourage me to find an internship for the summer so I have a few months free for the first time in ages. I just wanted to do nothing for a while, you know?” Evie knew that she likely sounded like a spoiled brat, desperate to free herself of responsibility for a summer, but she didn’t know what else to say. However, Calum nodded, a look akin to understanding on his face, and she hoped that he really did get where she was coming from. Instead of allowing herself to dwell, though, she asked, “From the vast amount I know about them, Michael and Ashton don’t seem like the surfer type. They just fall into line somewhere along the way?”

“Mhm,” Calum confirmed, a smile on his face at the sarcasm that laced the beginning of her question. “Luke and I became friends, went surfing all the time. I met Michael in junior high and we became friends. He would come, sit under an umbrella while we surfed. He didn’t get in the water until a few years ago. Ash came along about a year after that and we’ve been friends since. They started surfing because of me and Luke.” He paused, his eyes lighting as he recognized the song playing and began bobbing his head to the beat, and Evie grinned at the endearing sight. “What kind of law are you studying?” When she shot him a look, confused as to how he knew what she was studying, he clarified, “Dahlia told us.”

“Ah. I’m pre-law right now. No specialty but I’m thinking about criminal law. Or maybe media. I don’t know. I haven’t found my niche yet, I guess.” She shrugged, unsure of herself and unsure of how to explain it to someone else, but didn’t let the subject linger as she asked, “You grew up here?”

“Lived here my whole life,” he confirmed, nodding as he followed her around the rink and grew a little steadier on his skates. “My parents moved here in their twenties, settled down, and raised me and my sister here. What about you? You grew up in L.A.?”

Evie nodded and took Calum’s relaxed grip on her as an opportunity to practice her footwork a little as she slowly guided him a little farther from the wall. “”Born and raised. Some people really are from L.A., I guess.” She shot him a wry smile, poking fun at her home, before she asked, “You’re a surfer. That the ultimate goal or are you still figuring it all out?”

“It was,” Calum answered, his voice taking on a quality that Evie didn’t quite recognize. He seemed a little more guarded with this question, a little less ready to answer it, and she didn’t blame him. If he asked her the same, she would likely hesitate, too. “Plans change, though. I’m still figuring out what the new goal is.” It was short, but honest, and Evie nodded her understanding.

“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? What do I want to do with my future?” She breathed a heavy sigh, one that she hoped conveyed her understanding, and Calum looked at her out of the corner of his eye as she tried a grapevine move.

“Aren’t you going to be a lawyer?” He, like most people, assumed her future was planned out and that she was well on her way to reaching her goals.

“Mm, yeah. But the real question is, do I want to be a lawyer? And the answer to that is no, I don’t.”

Calum stumbled slightly as he fully turned his attention to her. He looked surprised by her admission, shocked that she didn’t have her life as together as he imagined she would, and said, “You’re still figuring it out, too.”

“I am. That’s part of why I wanted to come spend the summer here. I’ve never really had time to just sit down and think about what I want so… maybe now I can.”

Evie didn’t know that Calum had the exact opposite problem, too much time to sit and think about the future, but as he tightened his hold on her hand, she realized that they were in much the same boat. They were drifting, floating through life without a real idea of what they wanted, and a small part of her wanted to suggest that they float together. But, realistically, she knew that she was projecting her desire for a dream, something to hold onto, onto Calum. 

So instead of voicing that thought aloud, instead of telling him that though their circumstances might be different, she understood where he was coming from, she held onto his hand and hoped the embrace would convey everything she left unsaid as they continued their rotation around the rink.

*********************

Calum and Evie spent far longer at the rink than either of them imagined they would. They’d skated until an employee informed them they were closing to set up for the night skaters and Calum had gotten significantly more comfortable on his wheels as the time went on. Their conversation didn’t dip much below surface level, not after their brief discussion surrounding their mutual uncertainty about the future, but it was nice.

Calum learned a lot about her. She grew up rich, yes, but she spent most of her free time interning at law firms and helping with pro bono legal work - research mostly. She’d had a job before quitting to spend the summer with Dahlia - she worked in a boutique that a friend’s mom owned - and wanted to get another when she returned to L.A. She had a greater work ethic than anyone he’d ever met and he was surprised at how much time she devoted to something she wasn’t certain she wanted to do.

He was also surprised at her taste in entertainment. She sheepishly admitted that she loved a lot of the same artists he did and balked when he told her he’d never seen the original Star Trek. 

They got on like a house on fire, continually surprising Calum as he tried his best to get to know her in whatever way he could, and he felt his crush on her grow exponentially the more time they spent together.

Neither of them had wanted the night to end - Calum was glad he wasn’t alone in feeling something as she lingered near the entrance with him, her skates slung over her shoulder and a coy grin on her lips as they said goodbye - and he’d gone to bed with the giddy knowledge that he would be seeing her in a matter of hours. (Plus, he got to see the look on Luke’s face when he arrived home and would be lying if he said he didn’t get at least a little bit of joy out of being the one to get the girl.)

Calum was growing to like her, genuinely like her, far quicker than he had anyone else in a very long while and he tried not to let that thought scare him. He wanted to remain open, to let the universe guide him wherever he needed to be, and as he glanced out at the perfect ocean view, he liked to think that the universe was guiding him here and bringing her along for the ride.

He heard her before he saw her. The roll of her wheels down the boardwalk, the laughter of children as she passed them by and did a trick for their amusement, all signaled that Evie was approaching. He turned just in time to watch her untie her skates and place them on the rainbow leash she wore over her shoulder before she bounded down the steps. Her hair billowed behind her, a curtain of brown waves that he wanted to tangle his fingers in, and he willed the thought away just as quickly as it hit.

She carried a picnic basket in one hand and a beach bag in the other but that’s not what had Calum grinning at her. She wore a pair of shorts, the standard high-waisted black that he was coming to really love, and a lime green bikini top that looked neon in the sunlight. He shook his head at her, amused by the sunny smile on her lips and the spring in her step, as she crossed the sand and dropped the items in her hand near him.

“Good morning!”

He wasn’t sure if she was just a morning person or if she was genuinely excited about surfing. Either way, he raised an eyebrow and teased, “You’re really fucking chipper for it to be so early.” His voice was tinged with good-natured humor, the tone he found himself using more and more often when she was around, and he watched as she stowed her skates in a zip-up bag before she dug around for a can of sunscreen. “Good morning. Sleep well?”

“I could barely sleep,” she admitted, a laugh escaping her lips as she sprayed her shoulders and chest with sunscreen. “I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to learn how to surf. I’m definitely going to wipe out but at least I can say I gave it a shot.” Calum smiled at her, thrilled to see her enthusiasm, and held out his hand to take the can from her when she seemed to be struggling to cover her shoulders.

“If I knew you wanted to learn this bad, I would’ve asked for something more than a skating lesson.” He wasn’t serious, he was glad to be teaching her and had thoroughly enjoyed his own lesson, but he liked seeing how her cheeks flushed and her mouth dropped open when he winked at her. He nudged her shoulder, gesturing for her to turn, and laughed.

She was quiet for a moment, contemplating her reply, but before Calum could clarify that he’d been joking, she shrugged. “I mean, we don’t know how good a teacher you are yet. There might be a bonus in it if I learn something today.”

She met his gaze, a playful spark of something he was beginning to recognize as uniquely Evie shining in the honey of her eyes. They remained for a beat too long, neither of them wanting to blink, but Calum broke the stalemate when he grinned. Evie returned it, just as bright, and Calum felt the overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss her.

Instead, he turned his attention to picnic basket by her side. When Evie noticed where he was looking, she turned the bashful pink he loved seeing and shrugged. “I made the mistake of telling Dahlia what we were doing so she sent some things for lunch. Mostly new stuff she’s working on for the shop. She wants us to be her guinea pigs, I guess.”

“Hopefully it’s better than the time she decided to make savory and sweet combinations. She saw this article about flavors that shouldn’t work but do and… well, the flavors really don’t work.”

Evie made a face, her lips twisted into a grimace, and Calum laughed as he recalled the way Michael dropped his pastry in horror and refused to eat any of Dahlia’s food for months after that. “Yikes. Remind me not to encourage her experiments, then,” Evie mumbled, digging her toes into the sand and watching as Calum reached into his own bag.

“You’re not the only one who came with gifts from friends. Ash sent this for you,” he told her as he pulled out a wetsuit. It was basic and black - and Calum hated asking her to cover the bikini she wore - but he knew it would be more comfortable for her when they finally got in the water. The only consolation was that it, like the rest of her wardrobe seemed to, showed off her legs and fit her well.

“That’s so sweet of him!” She looked amazing, surprised by the gift, and excitedly stripped her shorts to pull on the wetsuit. Calum grinned at her excitement and obliged when she turned and requested his help with the zipper. “How do I look?”

“Like a real surfer.” She beamed at his comment, happy that she looked the part, and pulled her hair back into a high ponytail as Calum reached for the boards he’d brought. He had his, the lucky green one he’d used for years, and a smaller one that Ashton had taken to letting the guys - mainly Luke - borrow to teach their partners how to surf if they so chose. “Ready to work on the basics?”

“Lead the way, coach!”

Calum knew that his teaching style was different than hers. She’d gone slow, one step at a time, and was good at breaking things down into manageable chunks of information. He, on the other hand, knew where his strengths rested and a slow breakdown was not something he was good at. However, he wanted her to get he best experience she could have - especially because she was so excited - so he bit back his uncertainty and handed her the board.

Evie was a much more serious student than Calum had been and far more eager. She didn’t hesitate to follow the directions he gave her. She was quick to complete the drills, her agility from skating working in her favor as she practiced moving into a standing position on the sand. She didn’t complain about having to repeat the same motion a dozen times and Calum was impressed by how serious she was taking it all.

He was also impressed by how willing she was to get out into the water after nearly an hour of practicing on sand.

“You know, I thought I was going to be making fun of you for being afraid or falling but you’re making that really hard,” he joked as he helped her wrap the leash around her ankle securely.

“What I lack in skill, I make up for in enthusiasm.” She winked at him, clearly teasing him as he’d done her, and he found himself unable to think of a reply as he shook his head and grabbed his own board.

“Alright,” he laughed, his own cheeks tinting pink as he willed himself not to think about the other ways she could mean that statement, “in the water, Porter.”

Evie eagerly rushed toward the water, board held in her arms as best as she could. Calum held back his laughter at how small she seemed compared to the board, it was comical watching her try to maneuver it when she was so clearly not used to needing anything other than her skates but he didn’t want to discourage her. He wanted her to be able to surf just as badly as she’d wanted him to be able to skate - a skill that he hoped he’d get to work on while she was in town - and was hopeful that she’d be as naturally gifted on a surfboard as she seemed to be on skates.

“Okay, remember what I told you. We’re not going out too far yet. Just far enough for you to catch a wave. It’s kind of like skating, fall on your butt. As soon as you realize you’re going to fall, jump away from your board. If you get caught by a wave that feels too big for you, go low and come up slow. Put your arms over your head because you don’t know where your board is going to be and it hurts like hell when you hit your head on it.”

“Fall on my butt, jump away from my board, go low and come up slow with my arms over my head; got it. Anything else?” She had a bright smile on her lips and looked so excited that it was catching. 

Calum felt his own smile grow a little larger as he watched her bounce on the balls of her feet and shook his head as he thought about a warning. While he hadn’t exactly been eager to learn - it was more or less forced on him - he knew how exciting the prospect of catching a wave was. He didn’t want to crush her spirit but he did want to make sure she was being safe.

He knew exactly how disastrous it was when safety wasn’t the top priority and felt a shiver run down his spine as he willed himself not to think about what could go wrong.

“I think that’s it,” he finally agreed, nodding as he glanced out at the ocean. “Like skating, you just have to go for it. Don’t go for a big wave first. Try something a little smaller, until you get comfortable. And then we’ll see about getting you a bigger wave. Alright?” Evie nodded again, her smile still bright as she turned her head to look at the ocean, and Calum laughed. “Let’s go, then.” 

Evie rushed forward, dropping her board into the water and climbing on to paddle out into the waves, and Calum followed suit. He was used to bigger waves, he’d learned how to handle himself over the years, but he stayed by Evie - close enough to keep an eye on her but far enough to avoid an accident - as they waited for the first wave. She had done the same for him at the rink, slowly moving around the hardwood at the rink, so he decided it was time to return the favor.

“I know your answer will probably depend on how well surfing goes today,” he said as they waited for a suitable wave, his eyes on the water instead of her, “but I’d love to go skating with you again.”

“It doesn’t matter how well surfing goes today. I mean, I’d love for it to go great but either way, I’d love to skate with you again.”

Calum felt his heart thud in his chest at the prospect of spending more time with her. He’d only known her for a week but it had been a really good week that was needed in the otherwise bleak year he’d been having. He was quickly falling for her, head over heels into something that he couldn’t have imagined he’d want, but the thought of spending time with her, of kissing her, of falling in love with her made him happy and he desperately wanted happiness.

He just hoped she wanted the same thing.

As quickly as the thought crossed his mind, it left. A wave, suitable for Evie, was approaching and he nodded to her when he noticed she was getting ready to start paddling. “You got it,” he encouraged her, offering a bright smile as he watched her move, “go for it!”

The wave was small enough that Calum could ride it out sitting on his board but Evie paddled like it was the biggest wave she’d ever seen. He watched, amused and endeared, at the look of concentration on her face as she attempted to stand on her board. She got halfway up, almost on her feet, but before she could fully stand, she was knocked off balance and fell into the water. 

She fell just as he instructed and he imagined it was because of her skating background. The moment she realized she was going down, she fell back into the water and Calum waited for her to pop back up. He’d been difficult, pouting and annoyed, when he fell - mostly for show, to make Evie laugh, but also because he wanted to know he could do something as seemingly simple as roller skate - but she was all smiles when she surfaced. The moment she opened her eyes and got her bearings, she laughed and Calum couldn’t help but laugh along.

“I think I got water up my nose,” was the first thing out of her mouth and he couldn’t say that he was surprised. She wiped at her face, eager to get some of the salt water off her skin, before she attempted to get back on her board.

“I’m kind of annoyed. I still don’t have anything to laugh at here. You’re too well-adjusted for this.” His complaint was teasing, a joke that she took with a wide grin, and he felt his heart ache in his chest as he watched her eagerly await another wave.

“What can I say, I give my all, enthusiastically, no matter what I’m doing.” Another innuendo, another teasing grin, and Calum bit back his groan as she paddled away with a laugh that told him she knew exactly what she was doing. He shook his head, willing himself not to think about anything other than ensuring her safety as he was well aware his wetsuit left little to the imagination, before he followed her back out.

The pair of them spent an hour in the water, him encouraging her to catch waves and her trying her best to stand, but wave after wave, she got halfway up on the board before she fell into the water. Each fall was practiced and perfect and she kept pushing but Calum could tell that she was getting frustrated. He could see the set of her jaw and the way her eyebrows furrowed. He could see her growing more annoyed with her inability to stand and he didn’t hesitated to paddle a little closer to her.

“Tell me what’s happening when you try to stand,” he instructed, his voice even as he reached out to tap her board to get her to look at him.

“I don’t know. I try to stand, I feel fine, and then all of a sudden it feels like I’m falling and I bail before I can wipe out. It’s like…” She paused, trailing off as she searched for the right words to convey her feelings, and Calum waited patiently. “It’s like when I’m trying something new at the skate park, if I’ve fallen or something. It’s a block. I just need to either get it or really fall once and I’ll be okay.”

Calum could relate. He had mental blocks often, times where he just couldn’t make himself stand on his board and ride a wave, and knew that for him, the easiest way to get over them was to do exactly as she said; get it right or fail spectacularly.

“Come on, then.”

With anyone else, he would never have taken them that far out on their first surfing adventure. But Evie was different. She could hold her own, he knew that, and she was determined to get it right. He wasn’t as wary, not as concerned for her as he maybe should have been, as he paddled a little farther out and began watching for bigger waves.

Evie glanced at him curiously, unsure of whether she was reading the situation right, and Calum nodded at her as a perfect wave began rolling in. “Get it right or fall,” he encouraged her, “I’ll be here when you come up.” She stared at him for a long moment, fixed him with a look that he couldn’t read, before she nodded and began paddling. 

Calum did his best to ride out the wave on his board, just as he did the others, and kept an eye on Evie as she finally managed to stand on the board. He cheered, a large smile covering his lips as he watched her ride the wave for a brief moment, and clapped as she fell into the water. It took her a second longer to come up but the smile she’d worn at the beginning of the day was back and brighter than before as she searched for him.

“I did it!”

He paddled to where she was climbing back onto her board, his own grin just as bright as hers was, and held up his hand for a high five. “You’re really starting to make me look bad here,” he teased, his words light as he watched her continue to beam. “Can’t half ass anything, can you?”

She shrugged, a sheepish grin on her lips, and Calum felt a fondness wash over him as she turned her head to watch for another wave. He knew she was determined, desperate to get things right even if she didn’t want to, so he  knew he was only seeing a fraction of what she was capable of as she attempted something she truly wanted to accomplish.

Throughout the day, as the hours dragged on and the pair of them grew weary from the sun and the water, Evie managed to stand and ride a wave to completion more than once. She got better, her footing grew steadier, and Calum grew prouder with every attempt she made. Just as she’d stuck by his side in the rink and held his hand, he gave her space to surf safely on her own but rode along beside her. And when the sun was high in the sky, he all but dragged her from the water and encouraged her to sit with the picnic basket she’d brought along.

“That was so fucking cool!” She was beaming, proud of herself and happy that she’d finally gotten over the block that was keeping her from achieving a goal, as she bit into one of the treats Dahlia had sent along. “I surfed! That felt as cool as it’s always looked.”

“Why have you never gone before? I’m sure you could’ve found someone to teach you in L.A..” He was grateful that he was the one to teach her - he loved seeing the smile she wore and the excitement in her eyes when she finally got it right - but she could have easily gotten lessons. If it was something she’d wanted to do, there should’ve been nothing stopping her.

“I didn’t have time.” She shrugged, a gesture Calum was growing used to seeing her use, before she took another bite and stared out at the ocean. Calum remained silent, waiting for her to go on, and when she realized he wanted to hear more, she brushed her hands off and brought her knees to her chest. “My life was always planned, you know? Super structured. Debate team, Model UN, gymnastics, AP classes, internships; I didn’t have time for new things that wouldn’t look good on a college application. I had skating and I had to sneak out to do that. There was a tennis court near our house so when my parents went to bed, I went there and practiced. But new things weren’t really an option. It was routine.”

“Is that why you’re going to be a lawyer? It’s what your parents want?”

“Want isn’t really the right word there. Demand, maybe. But, yeah. My parents are both lawyers, so is my brother. The deal was, they’d pay for school if I went to law school. College is expensive and I’d rather have no debt and a solid career trajectory than crushing debt and no real plan. Stability is stability, even if I hate it.”

Though Calum didn’t have the same problem - his parents had always been very supportive of his dreams, whatever they happened to be when they asked him - but he understood where she was coming from. It made sense. She grew up with a safety net, no debt and no worries about money, so to take on staggering debt of her own and go off into the unknown, even if it was what she really wanted, was likely terrifying. Calum understood.

He knew that if he had been in the same position, he likely would’ve done the same thing.

“What did you want to do?” He was curious, eager to know what she would’ve wanted from her life had she been given the chance to really live it. But she just shrugged.

“Dunno. Never had a chance to think about it.” She turned to him, a sad smile on her lips as she met his gaze for the first time since sitting down, and shrugged. “Doesn’t really matter now, I guess.”

“It still matters. You should get a chance to be whatever you want.” He hesitated, wondering whether it was his place to comment on her life, but ultimately decided he’d like her to know what he thought of her. “I think you’d make a good teacher.” When she laughed, clearly skeptical, he shook his head. “Seriously, I think you’d be good. You’re smart and you’re outwardly positive, even when you don’t feel it. You’re good at breaking things down. You listen and have the ability to capture a room when you speak. And you’d definitely be the teacher all the kids have a crush on.”

At this, Evie blushed and shook her head but Calum could see her lips curving into a genuine smile. She was quiet, staring out into the ocean, and Calum wanted to ask what she was thinking but he chose not to. Instead, he remained quiet beside her and watched as other surfers began swarming the ocean in a contemplative silence.

Hours later, when the sun began to go down and their cheeks were tinted pink from the sun, Evie packed her bags and shrugged off the wetsuit Ashton had gifted her. “Thank you, Calum.” He looked away from her exposed skin and met her eyes, surprised at the gratitude she expressed. His confusion must have been evident as she clarified, “For today. For teaching me to surf, for helping me get over that mental block, for helping me try to figure out my future. This has been the best weekend I’ve had in a really long time.”

In another surprising move, Evie stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He blinked, his cheeks going even redder than they had been, and she grinned. “I’ll see you later, Cal. Have a good night.”

She bounded away, only stopping at the top of the stairs to put her skates on, and Calum stared in the direction she disappeared for another long moment. His own smile grew brighter and his cheek burned in the most pleasant way where she’d kissed him. It was small, nothing that had ever affected him before, but he felt her presence so clearly and every move she made seemed to hit him harder than anything ever had. She was overwhelming in the best possible way and it made him forget everything he worried about.

He’d been worried about the past, about things he could no longer change and people he could no longer save.  He’d been worried about his own future, about plans that fell through and dreams that had been crushed. He’d been worried about his own present, about letting her get too close and break his heart when she left for L.A. after a magical summer. But as the waves crashed and laughter rang out around him, he felt his worries melting away. He was happy, glad to exist and eager to see tomorrow for the first time in a long while, and he felt excited to see what tomorrow would bring him.

*******************

Two weeks of bliss.

That was the only way Evie could describe the last two weeks of May, the two weeks after her surf lesson with Calum and the kiss she gave him on the cheek. There were minor annoyances - Dahlia had taken advantage of her presence and asked her to open Flower most mornings, even though Evie really had no idea what she was doing; tourists and students were starting to flock to town, crowding the boardwalks and streets and skate park; her parents had found the time to call and encouraged her to get some work done instead of just lounging around - but they were vastly outweighed by the good.

She continued to spend almost every night at Jack’s, the barstool on the lefthand side of the bar was always left vacant for her as if it was some unspoken rule, and kept Calum company as he worked. Whenever there was a lull in business, she listened to him share more thoughts about customers or drinks and tried cocktails he decided to experiment with when no one else would.

On the days that Calum didn’t work they spent their mornings at the beach, usually with their friends in tow, and their nights at the rink. Calum had gotten better at skating, able to keep his balance without needing to hold onto her for stability - though he still held her hand, something she certainly wasn’t complaining about - while she had gotten better at surfing. She was able to ride mid-sized waves and joined the boys in the water while Dahlia cheered them on from the shore.

There were nights where they all got takeout, all sitting in Dahlia’s backyard with containers around them and happy smiles on their lips as they listened to music and talked, and there were nights when Calum and Evie ate alone on the beach. She learned so much about him on those nights, bits and pieces that helped her make sense of who Calum was, and she loved them more than she’d loved almost anything else.

It was something out a dream, a summer ripped from a romance film she once would’ve deemed cheesy, and she felt excited to see where the day would take her when she awoke. Her crush on Calum was unbearable, teetering quickly into head over heels territory, and Dahlia wouldn’t leave it alone as they packed up a picnic basket for their bonfire on the beach.

“Just tell him you’re into him. We’re all tired of watching the two of you eye-fuck whenever we hang out.” When Evie scoffed, an incredulous look on her face as she turned to stare at Dahlia, her cousin rolled her eyes.

“What do you want me to tell him, D? ‘Hey, Cal, I’m leaving in a few weeks but I’m super into you. Want to makeout and pretend everything is cool until I have to go?’ I don’t think that’s a great idea.” 

Evie knew that that was what they were already doing. They were avoiding the elephant in the room of her inevitable departure and enjoying their time, but they hadn’t done anything they couldn’t write off as friendship thus far. There were flirty jokes and kisses on cheeks but she could pretend that that was just the way she was. She could just leave it, blame it on her newfound sense of freedom, and that would be the end.

If she went any further, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to come back from that.

“Not everything has to be so serious, Evie. Have fun. Be young! You’ve never had a summer fling so why don’t you just go for it? If you and Cal get serious, cool. You can come here for breaks and stay with me. If not, well, I’ll help you avoid him whenever you come to visit. Just stop thinking about it. He makes you happy, right?” When Evie nodded, Dahlia repeated the gesture. “Then just let him. Even if it’s only for a few weeks.”

Evie hated to admit it but Dahlia was right. She always dated with the intention of having it last forever and ended up having her heart broken when it didn’t. She wanted something real, something full of love and light, and hated the idea of wasting her time on someone who wouldn’t be a part of her future. However, she knew that she shouldn’t think that way. If she really enjoyed it, if she loved them and found herself better for having known them, it wasn’t a waste of time. Calum wasn’t a waste of time.

She wanted to enjoy herself, to have fun while she could, and even if Calum wasn’t going to make her happy forever, he was making her happy right now and that was all she could ask for.

By the time they made it to the beach, Evie with a blanket in one hand and a box that held a gift for Calum in the other, she’d made up her mind that a few weeks of bliss were worth more than months of heartache. She knew that, should things not work out, she would mourn her relationship with Calum as a devastating loss but she believed the old saying; to love and lose is better than to never love at all.

“What’s in the box?” Evie yelped, surprised by the sudden voice in her ear, and glared at Luke as he grinned. He still hadn’t given up, despite her obvious feelings for Calum, and she rolled her eyes as she nudged him away with her elbow. Undeterred, Luke remained at her side and stared curiously at the unmarked box she held in one hand.

“None of your business, Hemmings.” She paused, taking a good look at the towering blonde, before she frowned and asked, “What’d you do to your hair?” It was lighter than she’d seen it, and shorter, and she knew that neither were from the sun. Her assumption was proven correct when he grinned at her as he ran a hand through it.

“Cut it and bleached it. Wanted something new. What do you think?” 

Before she could answer, tell him that it was different but nice, Michael chimed in with, “Bullshit. He got gum in it so Crystal cut it for him and then he decided to bleach it just for the hell of it.”

Luke rolled his eyes but shrugged off Michael’s explanation as he kept his eyes on her. “I’m thinking about dying it pink but I can’t decide what shade. What d’you think?” He stared at her expectantly, a bright smile on his lips as he watched her shake her head and begin spreading her blanket on the sand.

“Pink would be nice. Pastel, rose gold, maybe?”

Luke looked contemplative, like he was seriously considering the pastel pink, and opened his mouth to speak when a different voice cut him off. “Don’t encourage him. Our bathroom is already stained from the time Ash dyed his hair red. And then black.” She felt her own grin grow wider as she spotted Calum and he returned it as he approached the pair of them and nudged her hip with his own. “What’s in the box?”

“Everyone is so nosy,” she teased, a laugh leaving her lips as she nudged the box to the side. “You’ll see. D’you bring the alcohol?”

Calum, the permanent bartender for their group, hummed his confirmation and held up a beach bag full of pre-made drinks. They were all things he knew each of them would like, bottles of their favorites ready for them to pour, and he handed it off to Michael as he cheered at the sight. He kept his eyes on the box, a curious glint that told her he wanted to pry, but ultimately left it alone as he helped Ashton begin the bonfire.

When the bonfire began to rage, the seven of them crowded around it and poured their respective drinks. It was better than the party they’d thrown for her on the first night, more her speed than anything they’d done thus far, and Evie felt at ease as she watched her friends enjoy their night.

Time seemed to both still and move much quicker as they sat around the bonfire. The sun sank below the horizon and the stars were shining bright in the sky as they sat around the fire for hours, just enjoying being together. They were a happy group, each interacting, but everyone had a distinct role and she could easily see it as they joked around.

Michael, who Evie was surprised to learn played guitar in his free time, strummed along to a song that she vaguely recognized as Crystal sat by his side and cheered him on. Ashton waxed philosophic about the state of the world and how beautiful the beach was at night with Dahlia curled into his side. Luke, who frowned every time Calum touched her, sat too close and bumped knees with her every time he laughed. And Calum, Calum was biting back his laughter every time she shifted closer to him to avoid it.

It was nice. She had friends but she’d never done anything like this. It was stereotypical California, a part of life she’d longed to experience, and she reveled in it as she let herself rest her head on Calum’s shoulder. She laughed at a joke Michael told and enjoyed the warmth the felt. She was pleasantly tipsy from the vodka pineapple Calum mixed just for her and would have been content to stay there forever, basking in the glow of the firelight and feeling Calum’s eyes on her, had he not nudged her side when the rest of the group began teasing Luke - lovingly - for his newly bleached hair.

“Want to go for a walk?” Calum’s voice was quiet, not wanting to draw attention to them as Luke whined at their teasing, and she nodded rather than voicing her agreement aloud.

He stood, offering his hand to her, and she took it readily. Before they began their walk, she grabbed the box to her side and grinned at Calum when he raised a curious eyebrow. Neither of them cared that the others spotted them and shared knowing looks and grins of their own, everyone except Luke had been urging them to share their feelings with one another since day one, as they set off down the beach.

Their hands found one another, fingers intertwined and swinging between them, just as they tended to at the rink and she bit her lip as she thought about what to say. She had so many things she wanted to tell him, a number of words she wanted to share, but opted to show him what was in the box instead as they found an uninhabited stretch of shore.

Calum looked slightly confused but said nothing as she pulled him to a stop and tugged her hand free of his. She spotted a smooth rock, a large enough surface for her to place the box on rather than putting it in the sand, and grinned when she dropped it and gestured for Calum to open it. “It’s for you,” she confirmed, a grin on her lips as she watched him furrow his brows and reach out to brush his fingers over the cardboard.

In the box rested a pair of skates, a bright yellow that Calum loved, and he lifted his head to look at her when he realized what they were. “You got me a pair of skates?”

“Mm. I figured I could teach you how to skate outside now. You’re good enough in the rink. Town’s getting crowded but Dolly’s neighborhood is empty most of the time and if you get confident enough, we can go to the skate park.” She fell silent for a moment, carefully choosing her next words, before she continued. “I…I just wanted to say thank you. No one has ever really taken an interest in my skating, you know? No one has ever sacrificed their off days for me or tried to teach me to do something like surfing. And no one has ever tried to help me figure out what I really want to do with my life so this is just something to say thank you.”

Calum looked stunned. His lips parted in surprise but his eyes softened as he took in the look on her face. She felt her cheeks heat as he stared at her, an unreadable look in his eyes, but she stayed quiet as she waited for him to speak. She didn’t want to embarrass herself by continuing to talk, regardless of what she wanted to say, so she left the conversation up to him.

As was becoming a theme for them, Calum took the opportunity to surprise her. He stepped closer to her, his hands lifting to brush his thumbs over her cheekbones, and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips. It was soft, a barely there pressure that left Evie desperate for more, and he lingered close enough for her to feel his breath fan across her lips as he pulled away.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.” It was a whisper, barely audible over the crashing waves, but she heard it clearly and shrugged. She knew that, she knew he didn’t expect anything from her, but she’d wanted to give him something. And the way she saw it, it was at least a little selfish. It was a way for them to spend more time together, to enjoy one another’s company, and she wanted all the time with him she could get.

But now, now that she’d gotten a chance to feel his lips against hers, she could think of nothing but kissing him again.

The skates and the words she wanted to share were forgotten as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back into her. He smiled into the kiss, glad that she was as eager to kiss him as he was her, and stepped closer. Their bodies melded together, his hands on her hips and her fingers in his hair, as their lips moved easily. There was no awkward adjustment, no tentative shuffling and hesitant hands. It was easy, natural, and Evie melted into his embrace.

Calum was steady and sure as he kissed her. He slowly guided her back against the rock, his fingers digging into her hips as he lifted her enough to sit on the edge, and never broke the kiss as her hands tugged at his bleached locks. He’d let it grow, it was a fraction longer than it had been when she met him, and she could see the slight curl whenever she took a moment to look.

His hands were warm against her skin as they brushed her thighs, his fingers dragging along the skin marred by skating accidents and general clumsiness. She sighed against his lips, content to remain in that moment, and Calum smiled.

“We don’t have to do anything.” His voice was reassuring, steady despite the breathy quality it took on, and she nodded.

“I know.” She did. She knew that he wouldn’t take anything she wasn’t willing to give, but she wanted to give him everything. She didn’t hesitate to return her mouth to his, her lips slotting into place as if they were made to kiss his, and brought her hands to slip beneath the hem of his t-shirt.

“You sure?” He wanted her consent, enthusiastic and unwavering, and she gave it to him without a second thought. A simple ‘yes’ and he nodded, his own thoughts disappearing as he crowded into her again and dipped his hands beneath the hem of her dress.

She wore another sundress, another vibrant blue that he loved to see, and they were both thankful for her forethought as his fingers brushed her panties. Her mind was clouded with lust and an overwhelming feeling of happiness, a joy she’d never felt in a situation like this, and she let it drown out everything else - the worry that someone might catch them, the fear that this would embed Calum in her heart and make it that much harder for her to let him go when it came time for her to leave - as she focused on the feeling of Calum’s hands against her skin and his lips against her own.

Her own hands brushed over his stomach, her nails lightly scraping his skin, and she grinned as she felt his stomach contract under her touch. She was glad to know that she had just as much of an effect on him as he had on her. With every sharp gasp, with every shaky breath, with every low hum of pleasure, she felt her own pleasure grow greater. His hands were steady, pleasantly rough from years of surfing, and they captured her full attention as he slipped his fingers beneath the band of her panties and brushed her folds.

“Please, Calum.” Her voice was breathless, eager and just as fucked as she felt, and she barely recognized it as she waited for him to move.

She wanted him, all of him, and he didn’t have to be told twice as he shifted his jeans down just enough to free himself and rolled a condom onto his length. Calum surrounded her, overwhelming her senses in the most pleasant way, and she felt her eyes slip shut and her mouth drop open in a silent moan as he entered her.

They let themselves express everything they’d kept quiet over the three weeks they’d danced around one another in their kisses and in the brushing of hands against skin. Everything she’d wanted to tell him, every worry she’d had and every wish she’d made, seemed to be conveyed with every brush of her lips against his. 

Every movement of his hips, every thrust he made, he returned the gesture and conveyed the thoughts he’d been keeping to himself. They let themselves be vulnerable, open and honest, and she felt such a heavy storm of emotions that catching her breath seemed impossible. 

Her release crashed over her, a wave of feeling hitting her and leaving her seeing stars, and she dug her fingers into Calum’s shoulders as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. A sharp gasp left her lips as she came, an intake of breath followed by a moan of Calum’s name, and he followed suit with a moan of his own. 

They remained locked in an embrace, his hands moving to her cheeks while hers looped around his neck, as they caught their breath. The sounds of their breath mingled with the crashing of waves and the far off sounds of their friends and others like them but Evie wouldn’t have traded her little slice of heaven for anything as Calum shifted away from her and straightened his clothes before helping her with her own. He settled onto the rock beside her, his arm around her shoulders, and smiled as she leaned into his side.

There was far too much for them to discuss, too many words that felt better left unsaid but needed to be brought out into the open, but neither of them wanted to destroy the bubble they’d built. Just as they’d done in the weeks leading up to this moment, they stayed quiet.

There would be another day, another time to decide where to go from here, so they settled for just enjoying the moment as it came and left it uncomplicated for yet another day.

************************

Following the night at the beach, Calum and Evie remained in a sort of limbo. They were happy, enjoying their time together and more connected than they had been before, but both knew that they needed to have a conversation about where they were going to go from there. They knew that they needed to talk about what they wanted and what would happen, that it needed to be spoken aloud, but neither could make themselves begin the conversation.

Were they dating? Were they friends with benefits? Was there more to them than a summer fling? Would they try to keep contact when Evie left? They both wondered these things but neither dared speak these questions aloud. Things were good, happy and easy, so neither wanted to complicate their joy with talk of feelings. Feelings were messy, hard and unpredictable, and either wanted anything more than happiness.

Weeks passed with their feelings left undisclosed, shared only in kisses and touches but never in concrete words, and their lives grew more and more intertwined. Where you found one, you could likely find the other. They spent their days skating and surfing, Evie cheering Calum on as he grew more confident in street skating and him returning the favor as she grew steadier on a surfboard. Their nights were spent at Jack’s, Evie trying her hand at making judgements based on drink orders, or in Evie’s bedroom at Dahlia’s. They were official in every way that mattered, partners in every sense of the word, only they had no idea what to say should anyone ask.

Despite that, despite the lingering uncertainty and the unspoken questions, Calum felt his heart swell with happiness with every moment he spent with her.

Her walls dropped the longer they knew one another and every fear she had, every worry she’d been harboring about her future, spilled past her lips in late night conversations held on the beach. They laid together, intertwined on a blanket as they listened to the crashing waves, and Calum felt himself surrendering to her parts of his past he’d never laid bare for anyone else. He told her about goals that he let go of and dreams that were shattered. He disclosed dreams that still lingered, far off and covered in cobwebs as he never allowed himself to consider them, and fell harder for her with every encouraging word that spilled past her lips.

They pushed one another, both desperate for the other to be happy and live the life they deserved, and he didn’t know how he’d gone so long without her. She was like the sun, bright and warm, and he’d been stuck in the dark for far too long.

Calum felt his chest tighten with his overwhelming affection for her - could he call it love when it had only been two months? No, that would be absurd - as he watched her sip her drink and watch the crowd that swarmed the bar. They were in Jack’s, surrounded by people, but he only had eyes for her. 

She’d grown more comfortable with her alcohol intake, had gotten used to drinking a little more than she had when she first arrived, and he once commented that he’d been right. She could drink them all under the table if she chose to do so and she seemed to be well on her way - or maybe she just didn’t realize how much she was drinking - as she downed another of his specialty drinks.

She’d convinced him to have a few drinks with her, not enough to impair his skills and not enough to draw the ire of his boss, and he felt a pleasant warmth color his cheeks as she turned her head and smiled at him.

“What’re you looking at?” Her voice was quiet in the din of the bar but he heard every word clearly. She was grinning, a smile that told him she knew exactly what he’d been looking at, and he returned it as he wiped at the counter where a customer beside her had spilled a bit of his drink.

“My girl.” It was his standard answer, safe enough for her to know he wanted her just as much as she wanted him without calling her his girlfriend, and it made her blush every time. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink, a color that he loved to see on her, and she shook her head as she turned her gaze to the drink in front of her.

“When does your shift end?” She always changed the subject when he got too soft about their relationship, whatever it was, but this time he imagined it was less her desire to avoid talking about where they stood and more her alcohol-addled brain pushing her thoughts in a million different directions. “I got something I want to show you.”

“Is it as good as the last surprise you had for me?” The week before, he’d come home after a shift - one of the very few he’d spent without her in weeks - to find her lying in his bed. She wore nothing but blue lace and a smile and it was the best surprise - save for the skates she’d given him that night on the beach - he’d gotten in years.

“Mm, no.” She laughed at the exaggerated disappointment that made him shake his head and he grinned as she downed the rest of her drink. “But I do think you’ll like it. Maybe not as much but in a different way.”

“My shift ends in about an hour. You want another or are you done for the night?” He knew her answer, she had yet to get completely drunk and always stopped just shy of hammered, but he reveled in the delighted surprise on her face when he placed the correct drink, always a glass of water, in front of her. She looked at him with wide eyes, amazed that he’d gotten it right so quickly, and he always accepted the kiss on the cheek she gave him after.

For the remainder of his shift, she sat and nursed her water. He could feel her gaze on him whenever he moved, her bright eyes sparkling with the same affection he felt, and he shot her a wink or a smile whenever he had the chance to look away from whatever customer he was serving. He rarely worked a single shift but he was glad he had the chance to take one as his co-worker, a pretty brunette named Sierra that Luke had started falling for, entered the bar and grinned at him.

“Don’t look so excited to leave, Cal,” she teased as she tugged on her apron and glanced at the list of open tabs over his shoulder. It was longer than normal and she frowned. “Busy night?”

“Kind of. Mostly locals and a table of frat boys on the patio. I’ve got better shit to do with my night than hang out here.” He and Sierra both glanced at Evie. She sat in her seat, playing with the straw in her drink and dancing to the song that they could only vaguely make out over the noise, and he smiled as he watched her.

“Happy looks good on you, Cal.” He was always surprised when people noticed a difference in him but Sierra wasn’t the first person to comment on his change in demeanor. He was happier more often now that Evie was in his life, the past traumas and lingering darkness he had yet to share with her no longer weighing as heavily on his chest, and he briefly wondered if that happiness would fade when she left.

However, before he could lose himself in the darkness, he shot Sierra a smile that he hoped didn’t look forced and nodded when he brushed past her. “It feels good.” And it did. He had to work at it, try his best to keep the darkness from blotting it out, but it felt better than anything ever had.

“Ready to go?” After Evie said goodbye to Sierra, Calum guided her out of Jack’s and tossed his arm over her shoulders as they wandered the streets leading to the beach. His surprise was waiting for them there and he couldn’t even begin to think of what she might’ve done as they descended the stairs and he held her close to keep her from falling over.

When they reached the section of beach that they jokingly referred to as theirs, she grinned at him. “Wait right there. Close your eyes, okay?” He made a show of closing his eyes and placed his hands over them when she tapped her foot impatiently against the sand. Her giggle made him grin and he waited patiently for her to give him permission to open his eyes. “Okay. You can look!”

He opened his eyes to find her blocked from view by a surfboard, one that looked alarmingly familiar, and he felt his brows furrow in confusion as he stared at it. It looked exactly like his old one, one that had been destroyed the day his dreams died, and he had no idea where she got it or if she knew what it meant to him.

“D’you like it? I can’t take all the credit. Ash had it in his shop and said he’s been working on it for you. I helped paint it but that’s about it. They wouldn’t let me use any of the tools. He said it was important to you and that it was your first board. I told him he should give it to you but he wanted me to do it so…” She trailed off, aware of his lack of response, and poked her head out from behind the board to get a look at him.

He didn’t speak, he wasn’t sure that he could, as he took the board from her hands and ran his fingers over the refinished surface. It looked so familiar yet so different from the last time he’d seen it. The cracks were gone, the lines and scratches from where he wiped out time and time again, but the biggest difference was that it was whole again. The lat time he’d seen it, it was broken into two pieces and lying discarded on the sand as he coughed up water and listened to the wail of sirens as an ambulance took one of his friends, another surfer that had been like a brother to him and Luke, away. He was fifteen at the time, scared shitless and broken beyond repair when his brother left the hospital in a hearse, and the board served as a reminder of everything he wanted to forget.

It was a reminder of the darkness that lingered in his chest and he wanted to be grateful for such a thoughtful gift but he couldn’t bring himself to choke out the words of thanks that he knew she was hoping for. He wanted to drop the board in the sand and tell her just how badly the accident fucked with his head but he couldn’t do anything except stare at the board in his hands.

“I… I get it if you hate it. Ash said it might not be a good idea to give it to you but he wouldn’t tell me why. And Luke got this look in his eye but didn’t say anything so maybe I misread everything. I’m sorry. I brought another board, a different one, if you still want to surf. I know it’s late but there’s enough light for one trip out. We didn’t get to go this morning and it doesn’t feel like a complete day without it.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice was quiet and she looked sad when he finally looked at her. “You’ve had too much to drink and neither of us are in our bathing suits. We’ll go in the morning.”

He completely ignored the board, not acknowledging the elephant on the beach at all, and she bit her lip in contemplation as she stared at him. “I’m okay. And I’m wearing my bathing suit. I have yours but if you don’t want to go in, that’s fine. Maybe you can just watch from here? I won’t go out far.”

“Don’t be stupid fucking, Evie. You’re barely able to stand on a board in daylight, sober. You’ll fucking kill yourself if you go out here drunk in the dark. Come on, I’ll take you back to Dahlia’s.” It was harsher than he’d ever been with her, he knew that, but he was rattled at seeing the board and being reminded of something he was finally starting to forget. He could see the look on her face, a look of disappointment and a flash of anger, and he knew that it was only made worse by the alcohol she’d consumed. 

“I’m not being stupid and I don’t want to go home. You can go if you want but I’m going to get in the water. Leave the board, I’ll take it back to Ash and he can put it in storage or something.” She was being childish, petulant that she didn’t get her way, and Calum was reminded of the girl he’d imagined she would be before he met her. 

She was the L.A. brat who pouted when she didn’t get her way but he knew that wasn’t her. She was only acting out because she felt slighted, hurt by his lack of communication and his sudden shift in mood, and he moved to apologize. His hand brushed her exposed shoulder and he frowned as she shrugged him off. “Don’t touch me.” She nudged him away and tugged off her dress, exposing the neon green bikini he was so fond of. 

“Seriously, Evie, don’t be an idiot. Yell at me or give me the silent treatment but do it on land and we’ll talk about this in the morning.” He reached for her again, determined to stop her from going out into the water, but she dodged his hand and grabbed her own board.

He thought about chasing after her, he knew that he should have, but he just stood and watched as she ran into the water. He kept his eyes on her, annoyance surging through him at her sudden decision to be rebellious, and wondered if this would be their first - and possibly last - fight. It was stupid, something that should have never even come up, and he knew that they were both overreacting. He needed to tell her exactly what the board meant to him and why he reacted the way he had but she also needed to understand that he was serious and concerned for her safety.

He understood that she was getting the freedom she’d always wanted and making decisions for herself but that decision didn’t need to be a life ending one.

True to her word, she didn’t go out farther than she had the very first time she’d gone surfing, but it was still deep enough to worry him. He could see the neon of her bikini in the dark, bright against the blackness of the ocean, and he was grateful for it in a very different way as it helped him keep track of her. There were few waves and he hoped that she would give up, her tipsy brain would realize it was stupid and that she would come back to shore before she could even try to surf, but he could see the waves forming and knew that she was going to try and ride it.

He was surprised when she managed to stand on her board and ride the wave, her footing steady and her form better than he’d seen it, and felt a wave of relief wash over him as she began moving closer. But before he could relax entirely, he watched her fall into the water. It was as if time slowed as he waited for her to emerge from the water. He wanted her to pop up and grin at him, happy that she’d done such a brilliant job right up until the end, but seconds passed and she was nowhere to be seen.

He knew that she would never try to scare him, not really, and that she was a strong swimmer. However, her abilities were impaired and it was dark. There was no telling what happened to her when she fell and he didn’t stop to think as he rushed into the water. He only paused to throw his phone into the sand, should he need it, before he went searching for her.

He swam to the spot he thought he’d last seen her and dove, his arms sweeping the water as he tried his hardest to find her. His own lungs burned from the lack of oxygen and he couldn’t imagine what she must be thinking - if she was still thinking anything at all - as he swam to the surface to inhale a breath of air. He called her name, hopeful that she had surfaced, but when he was met with silence, he dove back down.

He wasn’t a big believer in miracles but when his hands hit something warm and solid, he prayed that he’d been on the receiving end of one. He gripped what he was glad to discover was her arm and tugged, pulling her up and out of the water. She was limp, not breathing, and he struggled to get her to the shore. When he finally dragged her into the sand, he hoped beyond hope that he hadn’t been too late and used the CPR they’d all learned after the fatal accident to try and keep her with him.

The time that passed between him starting CPR and her coughing up lungfuls of water was only seconds but it felt like decades as he waited for her to come back to him. When she did, he breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his head as she groaned. She was clearly disoriented, uncertain as to what happened, and he didn’t know if he wanted to shake her or kiss her. Instead of doing either, he reached for his phone and called Dahlia to let her know what happened. 

The ride to the hospital was a blur, with Ashton and Dahlia questioning him and Evie groaning as she laid in his lap. She would be fine physically, he knew that, and if anyone could bounce back from nearly drowning, it would be her. However, he didn’t know how he felt.

He’d had a flashback to one of the worst days of his life, watching one of his best friends die on the beach, and he had feared the same thing was going to happen to the girl he loved. He knew it, that he was in love with her, and it scared the hell out of him. He was going to lose her in a few weeks and the future he’d been afraid of suddenly felt all too real. It was all pressing in on him, suffocating, and when Evie was safely in a room with Dahlia by her side, he did something he never thought he’d do again.

He ran.

*************************

Evie woke up with no real recollection of the night before. She felt the vague sense of guilt, a lingering feeling that told her she’d done something wrong, that came with drinking too much but she wasn’t sure why. The more pressing question was why it hurt to breathe and why there was a steady beeping that sounded eerily like a heart monitor.

Her fears were confirmed when she spotted the white walls of a hospital room and the telltale monitor by her bedside. She had a hospital bracelet wrapped around her wrist and bruises on her arms but that told her nothing about the night she’d had. She was alone in her room, unsure of why she was there in the first place, and unsure of what she should do next as she stared down at the bracelet on her wrist.

“Fuck, thank God you’re awake.” Dahlia stepped into the room, a cup of coffee in one hand and a bag with what Evie hoped were clothes for her in the other, and rushed forward when she realized Evie had returned to the land of the living. “What were you thinking? E, that was so fucking stupid. Be glad Calum was there and he’s a strong swimmer. You could’ve died.”

“What happened?” Her night was returning in flashes, she remembered Calum telling her something similar, but she couldn’t piece together what landed her in the hospital. “I remember going to Jack’s but not much else.”

“You got drunk and tried to go surfing in the dark. What the fuck possessed you to do that?” Dahlia didn’t hide her disappointment as she dropped the bag that did, in fact, hold Evie’s clothes onto the bed.”Seriously, Evie, do you have a death wish?”

Evie was stunned to hear that she’d done something so reckless. She didn’t think she was that drunk, she didn’t remember drinking enough to make her do something so stupid, but apparently she had been. “No. Fuck, I don’t know. I…” She trailed off, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried to remember exactly what had driven her into the ocean, and found her memory of the night returning in more solid fragments. “We didn’t get to surf yesterday. I wanted to make up for it. I gave him a board Ash has been fixing for him and he called me stupid. I don’t know why I went into the water when he wouldn’t but I felt like I had to. It felt really important.”

“Everything feels really important when you’re hammered, you moron. Fuck, how do you feel?” Dahlia softened as she watched Evie rub at her chest, the soreness of her body hitting her as she tried to talk, and she reached out to grab the cup of water the nurse had brought by.

“I’m fine. Feel like I got hit by a truck but I’m assuming I almost drowned and that’s why.”

“The doctor said you’d be sore for a bit. But there was no lasting damage.” Ashton stepped into the room, a soft smile that she had never seen him wear on his lips, and stood behind Dahlia as he ran his hand along her shoulders. “You got lucky, Evie.”

“Yeah.” She paused, examining both Ashton and Dahlia, before she glanced around the room for any sign that Calum had been there. She worried that she’d made him angry, that she’d hurt him more than she meant to - she hadn’t meant to hurt him at all -, and when she didn’t spot any sign of him, she frowned. “Where’s Cal?”

Ashton and Dahlia exchanged a look that she didn’t like but Dahlia was the one to tell her, “He left.”

“Left? Where’d he go?” Evie knew that he was likely furious and that she’d probably scared him more than she realized but for him to not be there when she awoke was disappointing. She felt her heart sink and couldn’t stop herself from slumping against the pillows as she waited for Dahlia or Ashton to explain.

They both remained silent for a moment, neither sure what to tell her, and she almost asked again but when Dahlia looked at her, when she met her eyes and shot her a look that was full of both disappointment and pity, Evie remained silent herself.

“What happened when you gave him the board? I found it on the beach near your clothes.” Ashton was curious but Evie could tell there was something more behind his question.

“He didn’t say anything. He just got quiet and stared at it. I told him I’d give it back to you and let you store it somewhere and then he told me that I could barely surf in daylight so it was stupid to go out at night and then I went into the water. He kind of looked like he saw a ghost when he stared at it. I don’t get why he freaked out about it. It’s just a board.”

The whole thing was, to her, out of character for him. He was reserved, only sharing pieces of his past when she asked, but he talked to her. He told her what he was thinking and didn’t hesitate anymore to let her in. He had secrets, she knew that, but she’d been under the impression that he would have told her if something were really wrong. But she’d only known him for two months. How much could you really get to know someone in such a short period of time?

“That was his first board.” Ashton shifted uncomfortably, his arms folded over his chest as he looked away from both her and Dahlia, and Evie realized that Dahlia wasn’t in on the secret either. “I hadn’t known them long, a few months, maybe? We were friends but not like we are now. He and Luke had another friend, Alex, who was like a brother to them. They were out one day, trying out bigger waves and just fucking around, but it was a bad day for surfing. There was a storm and the waves were shit. They wouldn’t listen to anyone telling them to come in, though. And before someone could go out and get them, they both went down. It was bad, nothing I’d ever seen before. There were pieces of board floating back to shore and people scrambling to get out to them because we knew they’d at least be injured if they came up on their own. Cal nearly drowned and Alex did.”

“Fuck, no one ever told me that.” Dahlia was the first to speak, her surprise evident as she glanced over her shoulder at Ashton. “I mean, I never would’ve guessed. Cal still surfs and no one has ever mentioned anything about Alex.”

“It was a rough time and they just wanted to forget it. It’s why they both stuck around here. Cal started playing soccer with Alex and he was good. He was getting scouted, probably would’ve gotten a scholarship, but after Alex died, he stopped playing. He stopped doing everything, really. You remember what he was like when you first met him.” 

When Evie frowned and Dahlia nodded, Dahlia turned her attention to Evie and explained, “He was reserved, quiet. Not really in on the joke or a part of the group. He was just… here. Like, now he’s funny and goofy but it’s taken time. I thought he was just warming up to me.” She turned to Ashton and asked, “When he disappeared, it wasn’t just him working a lot, was it?”

“No. He ran away after Alex died. He disappeared for two weeks and, honestly, none of us ever asked where he went. We figured he’d tell us if he wanted to and he never did. But for a while, he’d just… run. Every few months, we’d wake up and Cal was gone. Sometimes Mali, his sister, went with him. Sometimes he went on his own. But he always came back after a few days and never wanted to talk about it. He hasn’t run in a little over a year so we figured he was getting better. I shouldn’t have let you give him the board. I just figured since he’s been so happy with you, it might not be as hard on him.”

To say that Evie was stunned would have been an understatement. Calum told her that he’d played soccer and that he’d wanted to play in college but he hadn’t told her why that dream had fallen through. He told her that plans had changed and that his future was no longer as set in stone as he’d wanted it to be but, again, he hadn’t told her why. And she was more concerned with happiness, with keeping things light and easy, than with getting the full story. She wanted a carefree summer and asking what destroyed his future wasn’t exactly part of the plan so she’d kept her questions to herself and enjoyed the kisses he gave her to distract her from prying.

“It’s fitting that we found each other.”

Ashton was confused, unsure of what she meant, but the look on Dahlia’s face told Evie that she understood. Evie could see the subtle shake of her head, a cue for Ashton not to ask, and she was grateful. She didn’t want to talk about it, she didn’t want to talk at all. Her throat felt raw and there was a feeling of unease washing over her. It was as if the entire thing was a bad dream, something she would wake up from, and she wondered where exactly Calum had run to and when he would return.

However, in the three weeks she spent in town after Calum disappeared, she never got an answer. Not that she expected one. Dahlia told her that none of the guys knew and she believed them. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t left wondering. She thought about it, late at night when she laid awake in bed. She spent the three weeks she had left in Dahlia’s guest bedroom reflecting on her relationship with Calum.

It wasn’t love, she knew that, but it was the closest she’d ever gotten. He’d felt like a missing piece, a part of her life that she hadn’t known she needed until she found him, and she wondered how she was supposed to return to her life with the knowledge that he was out there somewhere, just waiting for her to find him. But she couldn’t dwell, she wouldn’t let herself.

When the three weeks were up and she was due to return to L.A. to prepare for her final year of university, she went back to the beach for the first time since she nearly drowned. She hadn’t left Dahlia’s house much, only to take a walk around the block when she got stir crazy, and hadn’t put on her skates since she left the hospital. She didn’t really feel like it, not when she had gotten used to skating with Calum, and packed up her skates before she packed anything else.

When she packed up her room, she left a box on her bed full of things that reminded of her Calum. She wanted to take the polaroids, the few photo booth pictures they’d taken on the boardwalk, the stuffed dog he won her at a carnival, but she knew that they would only hurt to look at down the road. She didn’t regret falling for Calum, not even as she felt her heart break over when she looked at a photo of them sitting on the boardwalk as Calum attempted to lace his skates for the first time, but she wondered if she still would’ve fallen had she known what she was signing up for.

They were more alike than they were different, she realized that now, and she wondered if that was what drew her to him in the first place. They were two sides of the same coin and even if she tried to deny it, she loved him enough to hold him in her heart. He would remain there, a question of what could’ve been that she feared she would never be able to answer, and she hoped she would remain in his heart. She wished she would’ve abandoned her dream of a carefree summer and let herself delve deeper into feelings and thoughts and emotions with Calum but she didn’t regret any of it.

And any time she had a vodka pineapple, she knew that she would think of him.

*****************

EPILOGUE - 1 Year Later (May)

“Dolly, I really wish I could have made it but I had an exam at four. I wouldn’t have gotten in before the party was over. I’m sorry.”

Evie stood at the edge of Dahlia and Ashton’s backyard, just far enough from the noise for it to go unnoticed on the phone but close enough to see some of the partygoers as she waited, and bit her lip to hide her grin as she waved at Ashton. Unsurprisingly, he looked shocked to see her and didn’t bother to hide his own grin as Dahlia’s shoulders slumped in disappointment.

“No, that’s okay. School comes first. I get it.” She heard Dahlia heave a heavy sigh as she held her finger up to her lips as a signal for Ashton to keep quiet. He nodded and placed a reassuring hand on Dahlia’s shoulder as she said, “But you’ll have to come up soon. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, D. You’ll see me soon, I promise.” It was hard, standing back and waiting for the perfect moment to surprise her cousin when she hadn’t seen her in nearly a year, but Evie lingered near the sidewalk as she spoke with Dahlia.

“I better. I need a hug.” Dahlia went quiet for a second, seemingly hesitating, and Evie knew what she was going to ask before the words left her lips. “Is this about…?”

Calum.

Dahlia never said his name, she never asked how Evie felt after her summer with Calum that ended in heartbreak and no real closure, and Evie had been glad at first. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it, she hadn’t felt the need to talk about it, but when she got home to an empty apartment and an overwhelming amount of school work, everything she repressed started to bubble to the surface. So when the nightmares started, she’d talked it out with her therapist.

And she was fine.

“No, D. I really have been busy.” It wasn’t a lie. She was two weeks away from graduation and it seemed like every deadline was hitting her right at the same time. But she couldn’t miss her cousin’s engagement party, not when she had been promised the maid of honor job practically the moment Ashton proposed, so she busted her ass to finish what she could and shoved whatever books she would need into her bag to finish her paper before driving back to the city on Sunday. 

The thought of seeing Calum hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“Good. Well, I’ll let you get back to it. I love you, E.”

“Love you, too, D.”

Evie ended the call and pocketed her phone before she took a deep breath and stared at the new home Dahlia and Ashton shared. It was beautiful, a dream home for the both of them, and she was glad. They deserved happiness, they deserved one another, and she was proud that they were getting their happy ending. 

She scanned the faces she could see milling about the backyard and she spotted all of the friends she’d somewhat kept in touch with since leaving. She hadn’t meant to let her relationship with them all fall away but with her schedule and the awkwardness that came with avoiding the subject of Calum - something they all did, whether consciously or not - they had tapered off and she wondered how they would react to seeing her again. Luke was the first person she spotted, his arms wrapped around Sierra with a grin on his lips as he laughed at his own joke. Then there was Michael, standing with his arm around Crystal’s shoulders and shaking his head at whatever terrible joke had obviously left Luke’s lips. Dahlia and Ashton were there, too, looking more in love than ever and beaming with joy as they were surrounded by friends and family.

She and Calum were the only noticeable absences.

She knew that he was back in town, or he had been, anyway. He returned not long after she left and she knew that he’d finally told Ashton, at least, where he went when he disappeared and exactly why he ran. But no one ever told her and she wasn’t going to ask them to. It wasn’t their place, it wasn’t her place, so she left it alone. Dahlia didn’t mention him and she didn’t ask. Whenever they spoke and she heard Calum’s voice in the background, she noticed that Dahlia left the room or made an excuse to end the call. She imagined they were trying to protect her but she didn’t need protecting.

She was fine.

She repeated that to herself as she weaved through the crowd in the backyard. It reminded her of the party Dahlia had thrown her almost a year before and she wondered how time had flown that fast. A part of her missed that, before she knew what the rest of the summer would hold, but she still didn’t regret it. It was, all things considered, still the best summer she’d ever had and she was grateful for it as she made eye contact with Luke and shot him a bright grin.

He realized what she was trying to do, who she was there for, and kept quiet as she approached their group. But the smile he wore was enough proof that regardless of her own disappearing act, she hadn’t been forgotten. Michael spotted Evie next and Crystal had to keep him from blurting out her name. And by the time she was behind Dahlia, everyone knew that she was there except her cousin and they all watched expectantly as she reached out and tapped her on the shoulder.

She looked different, a far cry from the Evie she had been when they’d last seen her, and Dahlia had to pause to take it all in. Her hair was cut short, a blunt shoulder length style that made her cry when she first chopped it, and she wore an outfit that was mostly black rather than her typical bright colors but the smile that she wore was entirely Evie.

After a pause, Dahlia launched herself at Evie and wrapped her arms around her tight. She was glad to see her, surprised and thrilled and overwhelmed, and Evie could tell as Dahlia wiped at her cheeks. “You little shit. That was so mean, I was so sad!”

“You should’ve known better, D. There was no way I could miss this.” Evie laughed as Dahlia continued to wipe at her cheeks and shook her head before turning her attention to Ashton. “Congratulations, guys. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks, Evie. I’m glad you could make it.” She’d proposed the idea to Ashton weeks ago but hadn’t been completely sold on it until that morning. It was a last minute decision, an impulsive act that she normally wouldn’t have undertaken, and she could see that he was glad she’d finally settled on coming. “We all missed you.”

She heard murmurs of agreement from the group as they all piled in on her and she laughed as arms wrapped around her. She patted whoever she could reach, though she wasn’t sure who she was returning the affection to, and laughed as someone tugged at her hair.

No one addressed the obvious elephant in the room as they all grinned and caught up. No one mentioned Calum as they asked her what she’d been up to. Everyone congratulated her when she told them she was headed to Stanford in the fall and expressed their sorrow when she sheepishly admitted she hadn’t gone skating in months - she wasn’t going to tell them but she’d tried, when she got back to L.A., and found that it had lost some of its joy. But no one lingered on the sad when they all began sharing happy news of their own. Michael and Crystal were also engaged, Luke and Sierra had moved in together and had gotten a dog named Petunia - one she gleefully accepted the invitation to come meet -, and everyone was moving on with their lives.

They all seemed to content, so happy with their places in life, and she was happy for them. But she felt as if she wasn’t a real part of the conversation as she’d missed so much and excused herself to go get a drink when she’d finally had enough of being on the periphery of conversation.

There was an actual bar at their new home, near the pool, and she was almost disappointed that she didn’t see Calum behind it. But that disappointment was replaced by confusion as she sat down and a drink was placed in front of her before she could order. It was a vodka pineapple, still her drink of choice, and she stared at it with a frown on her lips.

“You don’t really look like a vodka pineapple girl anymore but I figured it was still your drink.”

Evie had imagined seeing Calum again. She imagined how she would react and what exactly would happen and in every situation, she saw herself uttering some witty quip or maybe a simple response to whatever he had to say to her - if he had anything to say at all. But she never imagined she would freeze. Hearing his voice was like a shot of ice water through her veins and she found herself unable to move as she felt him moving closer to her.

She kept her eyes on the drink in front of her, watching as drops of condensation rolled down the sides, and tensed as he leaned against the bar beside her. It was strange, feeling anything but ease around Calum, but she felt almost hollow as she waited for him to speak again. And when he did, she realized that she wasn’t as fine as she thought she was.

“I’m sorry I ran, Evie.”

“It doesn’t matter.” It did, it mattered more than she was willing to admit. “Water under the bridge now.”

Calum had always been able to read her better than anyone she’d ever met. He could see through her smiles, pinpoint the exact emotion behind her words, and this time was no different. He knew her better than she knew herself, even if he’d only known her for a few months, and she heard him breathe a deep sigh as he lifted his own drink to take a sip.

“Ash told you what he knew, right?” She didn’t respond, didn’t indicate that she’d even heard him, but that didn’t stop him. “I shouldn’t have run. But everything was overwhelming. When Alex died, running was easier than facing it. And every time I started thinking too much, running let me get it out of my head. I always went to this spot a few towns over. There’s a beach there that’s the perfect place to surf. I’d sit on the shore and watch the waves and just forget about my life for a little while. It kept me from doing something stupid.”

Evie didn’t know what he wanted her to say. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. So she sipped her drink and kept silent as Calum rolled on.

“When I met you, I was getting better at controlling my emotions. I could distract myself a little easier. Falling in love with you was a good distraction, too. It was more than just a distraction but it made things easier. And when you almost drowned, I… I don’t know. Something snapped and I couldn’t deal. I shouldn’t have left but I couldn’t stay.”

“I really don’t know what you want me to say, Calum. I’m sorry about Alex. I know that there’s a lot of trauma left and that it was hard on you. I’m sorry that I was being an idiot and that I put myself, and you, in that position. I shouldn’t have done that and I haven’t stepped foot in the water since that day. But beyond that, I don’t really know what else we have to talk about.”

There was a lot left to talk about. She caught it when he said he’d fallen in love with her, she caught it when he said that being with her made things easier. But that was a year ago and they couldn’t change the year and the miles that separated them.

“I missed you.”

She wasn’t expecting that and she lifted her head to glance at him. He looked different, just as she did. His bleach blonde locks were gone and replaced by a buzzcut. But when she met his eyes for the first time in nearly a year, her Calum was shimmering beneath the surface.

“You don’t have to tell me you missed me, too. I just… I just wanted you to know. Dahlia told me you got into Stanford. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” She hesitated, unsure of whether she should tell him that no one would tell her what he was up to, but ultimately decided that she wanted to keep the conversation going. “What have you been up to?”

He looked surprised that she was willingly talking to him but his lips quirked into a barely there grin as he watched her sip her drink. “I was saving up to move to L.A. but I changed my mind. I, um, I’m saving up to buy Jack’s.”

“You want to buy Jack’s?” Evie was surprised, to say the least. The last time she’d talked to him, Calum couldn’t wait to leave so to hear that he was actively planning to stay confused her.

Calum shrugged, a small smile on his lips as he brought his hand to the back of his neck. “I’ve been there for a while now and I love it. I like bartending more than anything else I’ve tried and I’ve learned to be happy here. I’m learning to be happy in general.”

“That’s good, then. I know that you love Jack’s so it’ll be in good hands with you at the helm.”

The conversation tapered off, neither of them sure what to say, and Evie felt her stomach churn at the silence. It was awkward and she hadn’t felt like this around him since they first met. But she didn’t know what else there was to be said. She wanted to ask him if he thought of her, if he regretted leaving, if he still loved her. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Calum, however, spoke without her needing to. “Can we start over? Even if we can’t go back to what we were, can we at least be friends? We’re going to be seeing each other again. I’m Ash’s best man.”

She stared at him, unsure of what she wanted and if she even wanted to talk to him outside of the wedding, and watched as he gave her the most hopeful glance she’d seen from him. So she nodded. “I’m Evie.” She held out her hand, much as she had the day they met, and offered him a small but sincere smile.

“Calum.” He grasped her hand in his, still warm and reigniting the flurry of butterflies in the pit of her stomach that she believed was long gone, and lingered as he said, “Nice to meet you.”

The glow of the golden hour, the light that made Calum look even more beautiful than he already was, washed over them both as they stood in Dahlia and Ashton’s backyard. The world around them ceased to exist and it was like the day they met all over again. Evie didn’t know what the future held for them, or if there was a future for them at all, but that was fine.

There were still questions, still moments of hurt and anger and things she needed to work through, but the answers would come in time. And everything was fine.

_______________________________

Author’s Note: I have no idea what this is. But I hope you like it. It took two weeks and I’m very tired.

Tag List (like this post or message me if you want to be added!): @toolazymyguy , @irwinkitten , @jamieebabiee , @glittersluke , @spicycal , @lusbaby , @everyscarisahealingplace, @brokenvirtualheartcollector , @if-it-rains-it-pours, @blisshemmings , @calumscalm , @lovemenowseemenever , @ijustreallylovezebras , @rhiannonmichelle, @p0laroidpictures , @tomscuddles , @loverofmineluke , @harrytreatspeoplewithkindnesss , @blueviiolence , @loveroflrh , @empathycth , @luckyduckydoo , @tobefalling , @bandsandbooksaremykink , @watch-how-she-burns , @megz1985, @wokeupinaustralia , @lucidlrh , @canterburyfiction , @cal-is-not-on-branding , @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o , @jaacknaano , @findingliam-o , @mindkaleidoscope​ , @idk-who-i-am-anymore1 , @sammyrenae68 , @flowerthug , @calumsphile , @caitdaniels, @drummerboy794 , @writingfortoomanyfandoms , @x-lover-of-mine-x , @miliefayy , @sunaaii , @canterburyfiction , @sebrox40 , @nati-nn , @opheliaaurora23 , @bitterbethany , @sunnysidesblog​ , @333-xx​

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back again after like a week, sorry about that. But as a sorry I worked out a bit more with the Great SMP town! Also idk if you know but the Brothers au link is broken on your pinned post, I tried using it to skip to the questions I had yet to answer and it didn't work. 

1: The idols people could choose from where Technoblade, Sapnap, George, Ranboo, Bad, Fundy, Karl, Phil, Tommy, Tubbo, Sam, Wilbur, and Eret. People who choose Technoblade or Sam often become the guards of Mizu and those who keep laws inforced. The difference between following Technoblade or Sam is, for Technoblade you focus purely on fighting and less about laws, you also learn more about history. While for Sam you focus much more on laws and even restraining and helping people (If its confusing think of Sam followers as the police and Technoblade followers as SWAT). Technoblade followers are also sometimes called to provide protection during resource gathering missions. For Karl you tend to learn story tellings and study writings, Karl followers are also the main librarians and take care of books and preserve them. Sapnap and Phil followers are the people who go on supply missions or runs, though for Phil you learn how to address wounds and further study most things. While for Sapnap you further study monsters and their weaknesses, along side where they most commonly spawn. George followers tend to study architecture and tend to be the architectures of Mizu, designing new sections of the city and planning out where stuff goes, their also the people who handle stuff like ventilation and supply of water and checking damages on almost anything. Eret followers study history like many other idol followers, but unlike the others they focus solely on history and laws, they tend to be the leaders of Mizu and the ones who organize basically everything. Bad followers study and learn psychology and reward and consequences situations, while Eret followers make the decisions, Bad followers are also great helps and a very important part of what's basically The Council, as they study and guage how actions will affect the city and provide their input. Wilbur followers of course learn entertainment, like they learn how to play instruments, how to write and play in plays, some even make games! Tommy and Tubbo aren't actually common idols, their referred to as "Mix" idols most of the time, as the people who pick them typically have a wide range of skills and interests that just don't fit in any other idols. So Tommy and Tubbo followers really just go through a college type thing, where they learn a wider range of things than any other idol follower, those followers tend to pick up basically whatever job they want. Tubbo differs slightly though as Tubbo followers can focus a little bit more in a certain field than Tommy followers, which can allow Tubbo followers to often be picked or asked for help for things like building, or recording history, though they CANT be used to help Technoblade or Sam followers, and can't be chosen to go on supply runs or missions. Than Ranboo followers are similar to Karl's, in which they are the librarians and study writings, but they are also the main recorders of history and are tasked with writing down what happens every single day. 

These are the things some idols share, Technoblade, Phil, Sapnap, Sam, and Eret followers all study weapon and armour formations and how to make them. All idol followers learn at least some history of what their learning and their own idols. Bad and Phil followers tend to be the doctors in Mizu. And every idol has one representative in The Council.

2: Its how he shows that theres no hard feelings against the other person, and that he has already completely forgiven the other person. He continues to gently prank the other person until the person either also says that they forgave Grievous or that they show their comfortable around him again. Jackie and Cletus found the situation incredibly funny and laughed hard when it first happened. Watson just kinda watched it all play out with his amused father face but also was ready to step in if it seemed like Grievous went to far. 

3: Benjamin has a lot of life experience in stressful situations, which allows him to relay on pass experiences in a great multitude of situations. And he's just a very calm person. So he's able to just handle the situations better than anyone else. 

8: It was Jackie's birthday when Levi gave him alcohol, Jackie was tired and Levi gave him it, telling him it would keep him awake and make it easier to talk with everyone. Jackie did drink it and got a bit tispy before Watson figured out what happened and stole it away from Jackie, then going and hitting Levi. 

Almost everything from the SMP was lost due to time and weather, the buildings still remain, although crumbling and ruined and many things are missing from them, but a few things (like weapons, books (although heavily weather worn), discs) did survive and are somewhere in the world. The town in the Greater SMP does have 2 weapons, Orphan Obliterator, and Dreams Nightmare sword, and have the original copy of Ranboos memory book. People knew it was there at first, many visited and a few attempted to even preserve everything, but over time, other stuff happened. New kingdoms popped up, with quite a few claiming that the history of the SMP was just made up, a cleverly devised story and since at this time its been a decade or two since the SMP fell, and people just aren't as into it or studied the history as much, they believed them. So people stopped visiting, and everything fell into ruin. Only the town in the SMP grounds still believe and study the SMP, but their often called the idiots of the world for what they do. 

Jackie gets hurt after he jumps about and accidentally steps on a magma block, Charles gets distracted by worrying over Grievous after he got shot that he isn't paying attention and almost falls into a lava pool before Ran saves him, and Cletus gets to cocky and gets hit by a wither skeleton before Watson has to come in and save him. By the end everyone is whining and saying how they regret it as Ran tells them off for not following what he said and how he said they weren't ready. They find a bastion and fortress! They find the fortress first and Watson, Cletus, and Grievous go in to grab blaze rods after Watson basically freaks out about blaze rods and won't shut up about getting some for potions. And after Cletus gets hit by the skeleton they rush to a nearby bastion they saw to barter with the Piglins for the cure. But after they get it they stay behind and continue to trade as Watson teaches them about Piglins. 

10: I'm thinking of adding maybe mind control or hallucinations to the battle. With Ranbob being so close to Dream again, and even though he'd tried so hard to break Dreams control in him, Dream is still able to control Ranbob to some degree. Causing him to have hallucinations during battle of him killing his family again and Ran trying to kill him. While for Ran, Dream manipulates him, trying to get him to believe that this all is still Ranbobs fault, and how Ranbob doesnt care about him or anyone, and only cares for himself. Basically he's trying his last ditch attempt to separate the two so he can get his puppet back, and get rid of a annoying nat (in his opinion) in the process. 

13: A lot of people know of him being the General actually. But it only matters to people who actually fight in the Pit, as again its merely a fighting title. Not many people have been able to beat him, only 2 have actually been able to bet him and win whatever the prize was when they competed, but those people also choose to not take the general title. But they've said it was very hard to beat Jackie with his speed and him being able to do whatever he wants basically. Jackie, Ran, and Watson are all at some part on par, they share similar fighting moves and tatics which are obviously shared in battle. But other than a few shared tatics, their not considered on par at all. They do! The Corporal fights first, Sergeants go next, then the General. 

14: A few times Ranbob tried to break off from the group and head back to Mizu, but every time someone caught him, weither it be Charles or Cletus or even Jackie, and were able to bring him back home. Talking to him and talking him through the whisper episode, keeping him calm and in charge of his mind.

Nice to have you back, Brothers Anon! I tested the link, and it worked fine, so I think it might’ve been one time, but I went ahead and re-linked it, so I hope it works for you now.

1: Honestly sounds cool. I call studying Karl! With all the different builders, Mizu sounds like a beautiful place. What would you say some of it looks like? Any special areas? And also, the Council? What’s that? I assume they’re the leaders, but is that all they do? Do they make decisions over everything, or are they divided for certain areas, like farming and education? Does every idol have a representative, or are their multiple under one for the Council?

2: Aww. That’s actually kind of sweet. Grievous gently pranks people to show affection. I like that, anon, I really do.

3: What kind of situations?

8: Levi! You should be ashamed of yourself! Bad person, bad!

That’s really interesting, actually. Was there a reason people claimed it was just made up, or did it just happen? Also, do any of the gang realize Nightmare is Dream’s sword? Does Dream try to get one of them to bring it back?

And SMP town isn’t believed? Were they never in contact with Mizu?

Honestly, all those injuries were about what I expected. Charles was worrying over Grievous? Just general concern, or have they forged a friendship? How’s Ranbob faring with the whole ‘two of my idiots just about died’ thing? He strikes me as a worrier. 

Do they have fun, at least once it’s all over? What kind of potions do they up and brew? Do they just sit down and experiment with all their supplies for a bit, and see what happens? Does Ran commandeer it all?

10: Oof. That’s gonna hurt. If Dream has that power, why didn’t he use it before, to force to fishermen to give Ranbob back? Did they have some sort of protection against it? Does it only work for certain people? Also, if I may ask, why is Dream so vested in Ranbob? Surely he could get another puppet, eventually? Is there a particular reason, or is it more of a ‘I worked way too hard on this one to give it up now’ kind of thing? Is Ran the nat? If so, what’s his opinion of all the others? 

13: Huh. So Jackie’s pretty strong, then. In what way are they not considered on par? Is one considered stronger than the other? Faster? Is Jackie considered stronger than them aside from shared tactics, or is it the other way around? Also, can there only be one Corporal and two Sergeants, or is it simply because those were the only ones to catch Porkius’ eyes.

14: Oh, so this happened during the road trip? Jackie even got involved? How did the gladiators react to Ranbob trying to bolt for Mizu randomly? How far has Ranbob gotten? Was it ever far enough to seriously concern the fishermen? Does bringing him back ever get physical an evolve into a fight, or does he usually stay pretty docile during it?

[kitkatopinions]

I'm tired of fantasy world writers being like 'oh, this is my allegory for racism in my fantasy world where actual racism doesn't exist, also I'm going to not do any research on how to properly include said allegory, badly portray it, make my main characters affected by this white or white passing, and then use racist stereotypes later.' Long post full of RWBY criticism ahead.

RWBY is terrible with the Faunus racism they chose to make part of their story. They made the White Fang an evil terrorist group, they made Blake lecture fellow Faunus about how they're the ones actually hurting themselves by using violence against each other, they framed comfortable and peaceful protest as the only good way despite establishing that peaceful protest didn't work, and they made their child slave coded character who literally got branded turn into nothing more than an abusive stalker and then had him killed without ever addressing the aforementioned child slavery. Also, the only Faunus among our main cast now that Sun is gone is one of the most privileged of the Faunus. Blake can pass as a human if she wants to, she grew up fairly rich, she has two loving parents, and she comes from an inherently powerful position as the daughter of the Chief. Having Blake be privileged would be absolutely fine, if she acknowledged her privilege, wasn’t the mouthpiece on Faunus rights, if she wasn’t the only Faunus in our main cast, and if she didn’t repeatedly lecture other Faunus.

On top of that, two of our main cast have been racist (within the narrative of the show) towards our main Faunus character, one of them learns from it (even though that as well was badly handled) and became the only member of Team RWBY to ever call out human's being racist after season three. Oh wait, except the other member of our main cast that was racist that never had it addressed because it was treated like a joke now has yelled at a racist once, in an incredibly tense situation, so I guess her racism is gone. It’s good that it’s gone, since CRWBY is pushing her and Blake as a couple, but it’s frustrating that her racism never even got a ‘that wasn’t funny’ and we never see Yang learn any better, because it feels like CRWBY brushed it off and acted like it was fun and quirky instead of treating it like the casual racism it was. They do a similar thing with Robyn in season seven which came out in 2019, when she calls Marrow ‘Wags.’ Also none of our main cast are ever seen protesting for Faunus rights (sans a two second flashback of child Blake at a rally and a non canon RWBY chibi cartoon.) I don't think Ruby - our main protagonist - has ever even mentioned Faunus rights. In a world where Adam was branded with the SDC logo under fifteen years ago at the most, racism and fighting racism should be a big part of the story, and instead, it's brushed to the side and used for the occasional 'we don't like racism btw' moment now that Blake got rid of a Faunus run terrorist group. To me, this implies that the number one threat to the Faunus… Was the Faunus, and although some humans are still anti-Faunus, no one has to devote their time or energy into fighting for equality. In season 7, Blake doesn’t even attend the rally of the political figure running against Jacques Schnee - who as far as I’m aware, is the only business owner or person in power who has ever displayed anti-Faunus racism in the show. By the way, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. It’s been a hot minute since I watched through the show.

Instead of attending a rally that seems very important for the Faunus, Blake goes dancing with her crush. It’s like she stopped caring about politics and rights after the White Fang got removed. That feels so bad. Also, I'll note that most of the actual POC Faunus that can't pass as white in this show are on the bad side (Sienna, Fennec, Corsac, Lionheart, Ilia, Marrow.) And either they die, or they must learn to give up their destructive ways and become better people. I’m not saying this was intentional, I’m saying it’s a pattern, it’s alarming, and the writers should’ve known better.

I believe Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross have admitted that they mishandled Faunus racism, but first off, it still doesn’t excuse them because they were grown people putting out a product that premiered in 2013 and they should’ve known to do research and do better. But second off, I still feel like they haven't done the research they need to and continue to mishandle the racism by ignoring it when they want to and bringing it up only to let us as an audience know Weiss and Yang aren't racist anymore. They can’t just cut the Faunus from their storyline now, but they can��t just ignore it, and need to actually make it a better allegory. Honestly though, one of the big reasons I'm convinced that they still haven't done any real research on how to properly portray POC or racism is because of how terribly they're handling the Ace Ops.

They're writing a fantasy show, they aren't tied to real world portrayals of law enforcement, but they went the route of commentating on real world police, corrupt police, and use of excessive force. That's fine. But things are already pretty dicey just starting off because of how they've mishandled and continue to mishandle Faunus racism. Outside of Jacques Schnee and his company and business partners, I don't remember seeing Faunus racism in Atlas (not Mantle, Atlas.) If I'm wrong about that, again, please correct me, I may have missed it. But without seeing actual discrimination against Faunus within the police force, right off the bat, that's a mishandling of commentating on police brutality. But also, other than Clover who is now dead, the Ace Ops are all people of color. CRWBY made their bad cops all not white. Even Ironwood - who is white passing - is voiced by a person of color who has said he believes that James is Chinese American. I'll point out that being a Hunter is pretty much just being a cop with more freedom and seemingly less rules. Qrow (a Beacon Huntsman) goes around destroying public property and comments on how some hunters work outside of the law, and yet it's only the Ace Ops who are held to real world ACAB rules and everyone else gets to be a good cop/law enforcement officer. Ruby gets to proudly proclaim herself a Huntress, Weiss gets to arrest people, Jaune gets told that he deserves his Huntsman license, we've been getting told for seven seasons that Hunters help people and do what's right, and we're given long time Hunters and mentor figures like Oobleck, Glynda, Qrow, and now Robyn is being framed that way, and they back that up. Even training Atlas soldiers like Neon and Flynt are fine and fun. But only the Ace Ops are bad, corrupt law enforcement officers. So that way, we can have the entirely white passing Team RWBY beat up the entirely POC, not white passing Ace Ops. Even though Team RWBY is a byproduct of the same kind of program and even though we’ve seen the police discriminate against Faunus in Vale. If CRWBY wants their allegories to be taken seriously, they need to recognize that RWBY and co are also certified police. Also, it’s really not funny to see people use ACAB as a reason why the Ace Ops are of course bad, but then turn around and simp for Winter, and be like ‘We want Winter to be redeemed, but Harriet? What a bitch!’ Like… I’m side-eyeing that pretty hard.

Speaking of Winter, now she’s in charge of the Ace Ops. But unlike Marrow, Winter doesn’t just look sad sometimes and blindly only follow direct orders without protest. She’s actually feeling all kinds of things, and she’s actually being framed as strong, intelligent, and reasonable. I’m sure no one forgot this, but I’ll note it anyway; Winter is white. Having Winter be the only Ace Op to actually listen to JRY and do things without James explicitly telling her to (although I don’t consider what she did a betrayal or going behind his back) is dicey. They could’ve given this moment to Harriet and nothing would change. ‘This lady typically follows orders, is short tempered, and pushes down her emotions, but she can still recognize a fairly good idea when she sees one and can actually think for herself, so although this isn’t a betrayal, she compromises and lets Team JRY go after their friend.’ Yeah, idk guys, I feel like there was literally no reason to slot Winter in with the Ace Ops to be the lone voice of reason when Harriet could’ve become the new leader and played the exact same role. Instead, Winter gets to have a power move where she puts Harriet in her place. Winter is given actual depth and gets to put down the black woman who the writers have made display nothing but anger for the whole season. The fans rally behind Winter because she was given depth and hate Harriet because she has none, but that’s the fault of the writers. Btw, ‘this black woman won’t show any emotion besides anger’ is a racist stereotype. It would probably have taken like five minutes on google for Luna and Shawcross to have realized that it was a bad idea to write a black woman in any sort of position of power to be constantly angry + hiding her emotions. Elm is in the same boat as Harriet, and I was going to say it’s less severe, but then I remembered that she literally attacked Ren for talking about their emotions.

Look, my point is that RWBY as a show has never handled allegories like racism and corrupt police well, and either they should stop trying and stick to ‘make believe land is just different than the real world’ or start putting in the work and fix this. By the way, I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for watching or even enjoying RWBY, but I hope people can watch it while recognizing that some of the things CRWBY has chosen to put into their show are destructive and that the creators need to be called out. I’ll continue to hope that most RWBY fans do recognize that RWBY is deeply flawed, but I’ve just been stewing recently about someone who told me that I shouldn’t have expected the show to address Faunus racism in the Atlas arcs because that ended when Adam died.

I want to make it totally clear that I agree with and support ACAB in the real world and I'm not against it being used in fantasy works, I just think CRWBY is doing a poor job of portraying it and many fans are misusing it and it feels disrespectful. This is an actual real world movement with actual real world consequences. It feels very bad to see people use it to argue that the writers who have never handled allegories of racism well can make an all POC group be a destructive, violent, easily controlled, easily beat group of corrupt cops that need a white woman and fellow cop to be the voice of reason.

[many-gay-magpies]

@honeyseungz @loabivey so that uh. that mini au that you had like a very small rb thread about yesterday (well over a few days ago now that im posting this). well uh. um . actually you know what im just gonna let you read it yourselves

so. heeseung, jay, and sunoo are all brothers. wether its actual brothers or just "brothers" by blood bond or whatever idk. but, regardless, they're brothers. im thinking that like, at first they aren't vampires, theyre just regular dudes yknow? (and just a forewarning, a lot of this isnt gonna be as compliant with the enhaverse theorizing we've done so far, it's just a little brain worm i wanted to play around with, throwing a little bit of enhaverse crumbs in here and there)

but anyway. they're not vampires, im thinking theyre just like... adopted/found family brothers, probably orphans or something. regardless they love each other a lot and its great. personality-wise everything is super different, but just for plot conveniences, heeseung, jay, and sunoo are the yunmeng trio (heeseung as wwx, jay as jc, and sunoo as jyl respectively), and jungwon is lwj.

the three brothers meet jungwon, probably brought together by this Big Fantasy Evil, maybe something involving the vampire queen as a character? idk. there's some big evil shit going down, and the three brothers somehow end up with jungwon and HIS big bro, who im imagining is jake (basically the lan xichen in this situation—very soft, kind, gentle; the vibes are right). both of them are vampires, not that our three orphan bois know that. they get caught up in the danger, and vampire bros jake and jungwon coms to the rescue.

now, a little bit of personality-mapping here: jay is outwardly very loud, fun, temperamental, and sarcastic, generally very much like he is irl; but inside, he's intensely loyal, protective, and loving, with a HUGE soft spot for the people closest to him. sunoo is very sweet, sensitive, and kind—the walking hug of the three brothers, who is certainly not without his bite and wont hesitate to talk back to anyone who hurts them. aggressively and without mercy. also he makes them soup for comfort and is generally best boy. heeseung is very goofy, playful, free-spirited, and bright, but insecure and sensitive underneath it all; generally a loud annoying mess of a boy. pure chaotic neutral and a gremlin if there ever was one. jungwon, on the other hand, is... not. he's nervous, quiet, cautious to a fault and intensely righteous, always standing up for what's right and refusing to waver from his chosen path. very lawful good vibes. he, naturally, is more than a little put off when jay, sunoo, and heeseung's chaotic ass come crashing into he and his brother jake's once-peaceful (ish) lives. and it doesn't help that heeseung is a... huge flirt, and apparently deadset on making jungwon his friend. fuck.

jungwon... doesn't know what to do. and it would all be so much easier if heeseung were dumb or stupid or unattractive or just a total asshole—but he isnt any of those things. he's beautiful, smart, insanely witty with a brain faster than any jungwon's ever seen—he can't help but admire him. but on top of that, he's wreckless as hell, unpredictable, and pushy, and gives jungwon heart attacks way too much for his liking. he doesn't even have a heartbeat. he's fucking dead.

it eventually comes out that jake and jungwon are vampires; the brothers are surprisingly cool with it. not the craziest thing that's happened to them.

the five boys get closer, staying together as they fight their foe (which im becoming increasingly inclined to make the werewolves), and through a series of convoluted events, jungwon learns that heeseung is not only gorgeous, smart, talented, and funny as all get-out, but also sensitive, caring, insecure, and thoughtful... and heeseung, who's only goal had been to break through the nervous and straightforward outer shell of his young dongsaeng, does just that. and jungwon, naturally, starts to fall in love.

somewhere along the line, though, things go wrong—as they were bound to do in an au loosely based off of the untamed. something happens to heeseung; he's fatally wounded after saving jay's life, and disappears, nowhere to be found. his brothers eventually assume the worse; that he's gone forever. but the queen finds him, takes care of him, nurses him back to health. turns him.

when he comes back, nothing's the same. the war is still going, and his brothers thought he was dead—but he isn't. but he's... different. jungwon and jake are quick to realize that he's been turned, how, they dont know—but they talk to him, teach him, try to help him, jungwon especially. of course he does; he's in love. heeseung, of course, is dismissive; doesn't take it seriously. ill be fine, whats so bad about this? or, perhaps, he doesn't let on just how hard he's taking it; fearing vulnerability more than he fears being a vampire.

inevitably, though, heeseung's wrecklessness leads to doom—he lets his bloodlust overtake him, relishes in it, no matter how much jungwon had warned him against it, pleaded with him to take caution. he says it's usefull—says he can help them take out enemies, help them win this war. jungwon warns him that he could end up getting more than he bargained for. heeseung doesn't listen.

heeseung helps them win the war; practically wins it for them. hes happy, bitterly, until he isnt. he's happy, until he sees his brother—sees sunoo. blood-covered, pale-skinned, drained.

no.

heeseung is broken. jay even moreso. jay yells at him; yells and yells and yells and yells. curses him out, tells him he hates him, tells him he's nothing but cruel evil—he doesn't mean it, of course, but no one knows it then, not even him. now he is only angry; so, so angry. heeseung, wrought with guilt and shame and grief, flees—hides himself somewhere secluded, does the closest thing a vampire can possibly do to death, the equivalent of a thousand-year hibernation. none can find him, he's made sure of that. in his guilt and shame and anger he stews, asleep, for hundreds, thousands of years.

after the anger passes, jay is more than anything in mourning—for heeseung as well as for sunoo. he has a realization, that being that, when, inevitably, heeseung comes back, he doesn't want him to be alone: even if he'll have jungwon and jake, it won't be the same as having his brother. so jay pleads, cries, begs for jungwon to turn him—so that they can search for heeseung together, so that when heeseung comes back, he'll have jay waiting for him, too. so, reluctantly, jungwon gives in and turns jay—after which he helps him deal with his newfound immortality and vampiric status—helping him handle his bloodlust and helping him learn how to feed. over the centuries that heeseung is gone, jay, jungwon, and jake grow even closer (j line eyyy), inseparable as they search for heeseung and even outside of that. jungwon and jay are the closest, jay growing a colossal soft spot for the boy and not hesitating to take him under his wing and protect him with all he has (initially, sort of as a replacement for protecting heeseung, but eventually jay's affection for jungwon grows into something all it's own). to be clear, no love triangle bullshit here, only sickening-sweet platonic soulmates jaywon and a jungwon that is still achingly in love with heeseung.

(okay for anyone thats actually watched cql/read mdzs, yes i KNOW lwj and jc did not get along at all and kind of hated each other but. this is my au i do what i want, and if i want to add soft jaywon into the mix then im fucking going to, goddamnit)

OKAY TIME FOR SOME WACKY SIDE-PLOT MADNESS

so. sunghoon. how does he fit into all this? how does he end up being the one to trigger heeseung's "resurrection"? how does heeseung GET resurrected in the first place? well, not to worry, you're about to find out! and i am too because i'm just figuring this out as i go along baybyyyy

sunghoon, im thinking, is a friend of jake's (lets throw some jakehoon in here too bcs why not), either from before everything went to shit and heeseung went and isolated himself, or sometime during the numerous centuries jakewon spent looking for heeseung with jay. either way, sunghoon is this boy who jake is friends with and cares about a lot, and is also maybe kind of in love with. while jaywon spend most of their time looking for heeseung, jake spends his with sunghoon—finding himself often alone, now that his little bother is going off on his own adventures.

in a situation quite similar to heeseung's, sunghoon probably gets fatally injured somehow and is near death, but jake, not wanting him to die, decides to turn him instead. niki is also involved, and it's a sort of package deal, because before meeting jakewon, heeseung, and everyone, they were their own little thing; not unlike jay, heeseung, and sunoo's brother's triad. they were both probably orphans, niki being the much younger one, and as such sunghoon took him under his wing and never looked back. when jake turned sunghoon, niki was basically like "m8 what the fuck" and demanded he be turned too, not wanting his sunghoon-hyung to live on forever while he grew old and died. jake, also having a soft spot for niki, was like "fine alright" and turned him too. so, now their little vampire coven numbered five, and all was (moderately) well.

or not.

the thing was, jake hadn't anticipated how powerful sunghoon would be—there's nothing in life that anyone's found yet that would indicate a person's level of power once turned, so jake had... pretty much no way to see this coming. but, anyway, sunghoon was... really, really powerful. like, insanely powerful. all the abilities vampires were said to have in legends, the likes of which were previously reserved for just legends, he had them; flawless teleportation, mind control, shape-shifting, the whole bit. and on top of that, he was controlled—insanely good at monitoring himself and keeping tabs on his own instincts. one of the most self-sufficient, well-mannered vampires jake had ever seen. it was... frankly insane.

the problem? the queen. this is where she comes in, because she's played a part in all the boys' transformations, albeit indirectly—when jake and jungwon first turned, it was she who turned them. she could sense sunghoon's power, and she wanted it for herself. jake and jungwon had done well at avoiding her, even forgetting about her for a while; but what she wanted, she took, and take she did. it was sunghoon she took: luring him to her in small increments and then all at once, taking control of him, turning him into a mindless puppet. sunghoon had always prided himself in control, and without it, havoc wreaked: bodies dropping left and right, people being killed seemingly at random, their only purpose being to instill fear and paranoia.

now, niki had heard tales, before, from his hyungs but also from regular townspeople to whom the legend had gotten passed down, of heeseung, and how great and terrible he was. heeseung, the townspeoples' folktales said, had been insane, unstoppable: a mad genius far too gone for redemption. niki also knew from his hyungs' fond stories that heeseung, more than evil, was kind and caring; he was loyal, and powerful in his loyalty, and niki thought that if anyone could save his sunghoon-hyung, it was heeseung.

so niki went on a journey. without telling jaywon or anyone else (and thus causing quite the panic), he spent years searching for heeseung, everywhere jaywon had thought to look and everywhere they hadn't, and twice more for good measure. and, by some stroke of luck, either due to his own sheer force of will of something else entirely, niki found him: locked away in an old castle that never quite seemed to stay put, constantly phasing in between realities. it made sense why no one had found him before then—he didn't want to be found. desperately, in fact.

but niki, too, was desperate. he enacted a ritual that was said (by jake, so of course it was to be trusted) to wake any vampire that had gone into hibernation, and, miracles continuing to work for the bitter young boy, it worked. heeseung awoke—startled to find himself staring into the face of a very teary, very angry (visibly) sixteen-year-old.

confusion passed, things and motives were explained, and heeseung (although bitter at having been woken up, and still riddled with enough guilt to last 1500 lifetimes) attempted to patiently tell niki that he had no fucking idea how to help sunghoon whatsoever. niki pretty much said "well you better fucking find a way because you're not going back to sleep now, the world's about to fucking end. also jay and jungwon-hyung have been looking for you for literal centuries, do you know how pissed theyd be if i went out looking for you, found you, then came back empty-handed? really fucking pissed is how much. also sad. did i mention sad?" and heeseung, notoriously weak and also kind of (read: very) in love, is just like "...jungwon? jay?"

so niki brings heeseung back to the others, the return journey taking a long enough time that the two become significantly close to each other, heeseung's long-forgotten big brother instincts (tm) kicking in around the younger vampire. niki has to basically drag heeseung out of the castle by his teeth, because as much as he misses his brother and jungwon, he's still so incredibly guilty, and completely convinced that he isnt worth love or life whatsoever and that jay still hates his guts. and, jungwon... he doesn't even want to think about jungwon. how he failed him. how he let him down. but, niki slowly works through the insecurities, bit by bit: assuring heeseung that, no, even though jay will definitely rip him a new one once he sees him again, he'll also cry and hug him for at least 24 hours because he misses him like hell and heeseungie hyung you have no idea.

they weather a lot together. storms, mental breakdowns, bouts of blood-starvation so severe heeseung thinks he'll lose it again: but they're there for each other. they hunt, talk, keep each other warm, and in it, form an unbreakable bond. niki had heard tales of the legendary lee heeseung, who wiped out entire armies in two seconds flat and comforted his friends when they were sad and annoyed jay to the very ends of the earth: but what he's faced with is a man with more insecurities than niki has hairs on his head—and he has a lot of hairs on his head.

by the time they make it back to the coven's home, heeseung has grown sufficiently attached to the enigma that is niki, and has almost completely but it out of his mind that he's here for his old friends, too. he's only doing this for niki: it's a fact he's comfortable with. so when they reach the front steps he just... freezes.

i have a very clear image of it in my head—jungwon, jay, and jake sense niki's presence, in some weird vampire-y way. it's been around 10, 15 years since he left at this point, so of course they rush out to greet him, ready with scoldings and lashings about how stupid he had been (after, of course, making sure he's unharmed and alright)—but it all dies on their tongues as soon as they see who's with him.

frozen. everything is frozen.

i imagine it's a lot like lulu and artzyy's post. jungwon is the first to move, stepping forward and whimpering out a broken "hyung", and all heeseung's guilt and avoidance is forgotten in favor of cradling jungwon to his chest, holding him close and whispering reassurances into the crown of his head, wonnie, im so sorry, hyung's so sorry; i didn't mean to leave you for so long, i'm here now, its okay. and of course then jay comes in, crying and screaming about how the fuck is it okay, how can it ever be okay, how could you just not mean to leave us alone for 1500 years?! how the fuck do you just expect to waltz back into our lives like nothing ever happened and pretend its all okay?!? and then he hits him, and hurts him, tries to make him feel even an inkling of the hurt he was made to feel for the past fifteen hundred years—but then punching him turns into fisting hands into the back of his shirt and sobbing into his neck and holding him so tight he wouldn't be able to breath if he had the need to and please, please don't leave, why would you leave, you asshole, why did you leave?

so yeah. things happen. reunions are had, tears are shed. some indirect heewon love confessions probably happen later on in the form of very intense devotions of life and self and all that. "walking on the single-log bridge in the dark really isnt so bad" you know the whole shbang. meanwhile jay salty in the background just like "cant you just say you love each other like normal human beings jesus fucking christ"

jayseung's relationship (or the reigniting of it) is, well, rocky. they're both conflicted—jay even more than heeseung. because, the thing is, heeseung killed sunoo. as regretful as he is, that doesn't make it any easier to forget. but he's back, and alive, and in one piece, and he isn't leaving, and jay knows it wasn't really his fault, he wasn't in control—but he killed him. he killed their brother. and it WAS his own stupid fault for losing control in the first place, for not listening to jungwon, so what the hell is jay supposed to think? he flip-flops between being intensely grateful that heeseung is back and okay and finally with them again, and then remembering what he's done, giving him the cold shoulder and not speaking to him for hours on end. and all the while, heeseung is riddled with guilt, and shame, and grief he'd suppressed for far too long; niki's stubbornness combined with jungwon's unwavering support being the only things keeping him from bolting into oblivion all over again. all in all, it's a difficult time—but they get there. eventually.

naturally, they save sunghoon. what else is there to do? they defeat the queen, break her control over their friend—and then jakehoon have their own teary reunion, not unlike heewon's, and sungki have theirs, not unlike jayseung's (although with a... considerable decrease in cursing and conflicted emotions, and a lot more immediate sobbing). they're a mess—sunghoon is traumatized, heeseung is traumatized, jay and niki are traumatized, they're all just fucking traumatized. jayseung will probably take a long time to get back to the way they once were, if it's even possible—there'll always be an empty space there, something gone, something missing, and it's one that can't be filled. jungwon barely lets heeseung out of sight or touch alike, and heeseung isn't much better off. jay's always been the more touchy one out of the three of them; but after years of missing, of longing, there's plenty of time to be made up, and heeseung is just... so, so soft, and warm, and being held by him is the loveliest thing jungwon's ever known.

AND NOW A SUNOO THING, BECAUSE THE IDEA OF ENHA LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS OT6 WITH SUNOO JUST FUCKING DEAD DOES. NOT WORK FOR ME

so like. sunoo isn't dead, or he doesn't stay dead, or not the soulless-unmoving kind of dead anyway. you know how necromancy and fierce corpses exist in donghua and shit? well they exist here too because fuck you and also i said so. i made myself sad and now im making it happy again goddamnit.

anyway. after he dies, sunoo gets found by the queen, too, and because she's all-powerful and whatnot she fucking necromances him—figures he'll be useful later. as he is, though, he's basically nothing more than a puppet; like wen ning and song lan were when they were being controlled. his soul isn't... gone exactly, just imprisoned, prevented from being able to come forward and command his body.

so. sunoo is still partially alive, and the boys (jay, jake, jungwon, sunghoon, niki, and whatnot)... don't know that. i imagine that for pretty much the entirety of the centuries that heeseung is gone, sunoo's status as a necromanced fierce corpse goes entirely unknown to them, and it's only after heeseung is brought back by niki that he starts to resurface. i imagine they realize it in a sort of tense, action-filled scenario: the boys have gone to investigate another attack, thinking it's sunghoon, but as it turns out the queen has had TWO undead corpses running around doing her dirty work instead of one. and one of them is sunoo.

heeseung and jay, of course, are stunned. they cant believe it's real; it isn't real, it can't be—and yet.

a lot of angsty plot stuff happens—i dont have the energy or enough shits to give to figure out what. the thing is, the queen only kept sunoo this long and brought him out as a tactic to lure heeseung, make him weaker; and it probably worked. in the midst of both fighting against sunghoon and fighting to SAVE sunghoon, heeseung is bent on saving sunoo as well, and there's probably a lot of very angsty talk wherein there are disagreements about who's life, really, is more important in this situation, and if heeseung is just trying to make up for what he did to sunoo. regardless, heeseung ends up saving sunoo and bringing his soul back to the surface. what he doesn't expect is for sunoo to forgive him—fully and wholeheartedly. and it feels wrong, because no, you should be angry with me, you should hate me and want to hurt me like i hurt you; but sunoo is just... happy. happy that he's back, happy that heeseung is back, happy that they're all together again. and its conflicting, to say the least. even moreso because sunoo isnt stupid—he didnt just act like heeseung was an innocent who did no wrong; he knew he had been wreckless, knew he was at fault, and he forgave him still. loved him still. that was something heeseung... hadn't been prepared for.

like i said in the last part, they save sunghoon; how, im not sure, but they save him, probably with a fair bit of sunoo's help, and they're together again. only the tiny difference here is that sunoo is with them too. sunoo is back, and the gang has yet another undead bestie to teach the ropes of being a vampire to. things are awkward, obviously, especially between the original brother's trio of heeseung, sunoo, and jay; because sunoo is his usual sweet and kind self while jay believes that he should be more angry at heeseung for killing him, heeseung agrees, and jay has some very conflicted feelings about how self-depricating his hyung is being (because like... yeah you killed sunoo and im supposed to hate you but you're not supposed to hate yourself, you idiot, what the fuck?)

(also like. if we're gonna take some more crumbs from cql canon here im gonna go ahead and say sunoo's death was at least somewhat self-sacrificial, even if it was heeseung that ended up causing it in the end)

(i kind of love how jiang cheng-y i made enhaverse jay here to be honest)

(okay this has been in my drafts WAY too long because ive been waiting for some miraculous Other Detail i need to add to pop up in my mind, but honestly i can just add anything else i think of in a reblog afterwards, this bitch just needs to see the light of day)