#i think my criteria for ‘cute’ might be messed up

[sonic-adventure-3]

i just woke up and had a dream about nonexistent cutscenes to a nonexistent sonic game and i’m so mad it’s not real it was so cute. the cast was sonic, knuckles, rouge, and shadow, but there was also these two old human guys and one of their daughters, or both their daughter idk. the plot was the two old human guys were business partners and best friends but then they were going through a divorce era cause they each screwed each other over in business or something and hated each other so fucking much. and they built an absurdist non-euclidian abstract torture labyrinth as representation of their divorce. years later they’re for real trying to kill each other so the daughter asks sonic and co for help unraveling the secrets of the labyrinth.

idk why it was those 4 specific characters but knuckles and shadow both had dope outfits and were interacting way more than they ever have. shadow had a spiked leather jacket, shades, and platform combat boots. knuckles had his ova hat and a poncho, and his spines were pulled back into a ponytail. sonic and rouge were normal though. the artstyle of the game was like, pseudo low-poly, but they were textured like they were made of like clay or gummies and the lighting was really incredible, like rtx bullshit nice, subsurface scattering up the wazoo. but the humans were flat animated pngs in the 3d environments. like smile for me but like stock photo businessmen and teenage girl.

anyway the first area of the absurdist torture labyrinth was a airport lounge buffet that was entirely shades of beige. the window outside had no airplane or airport it was a perpetual sunset over water. the outside of the building they’re in can’t be seen from any angle. the buffet only served this one chocolate raspberry cream tart, but every time the camera looked away and looked back there was more of it. there was just one plate at first and then plates of the tart covered every single surface. sonic and rouge were talking about how all of this is definitely not normal in any way. the girl was just eating a slice of the tart the entire time

the scene cuts to one of the businessmen standing on some steps leading up to a nice apartment building carrying a briefcase and a bottle of wine. he speaks directly to the camera and says he’s bringing a bottle of wine made by the same company as the tart to the other guy’s apartment to smooth things over. then we follow him walking up like 6 flights of stairs and walking down hallways for like 3 minutes straight with no music no talking just the sounds of him walking and his clothes shuffling. he reaches a door and unlocks it, steps in and heads straight for the floor to ceiling window. immediately the the sound of the shower running is evident from when the apartment door was opened, and a woman’s voice coming from the shower says “hello?! who are you? why are you in my apartment? please leave. please leave” and etc. the guy ignores all this and from his briefcase he starts pulling out parts and setting up a sniper rifle.

about there i woke up

[deconstructthesoup]

Some thoughts for a Dead Boy Detective D&D AU:

Edwin: He would absolutely be a School of Necromancy wizard. Everything about him screams wizard, and I think him being a necromancer who uses his abilities for good would be pretty in-character for him. In fact, we could even go one step further and say that he's a Reborn (who are essentially the D&D version of Frankenstein's Monster, and they are insanely cool and fun from a roleplay stance alone). Maybe he got brought back to life after some time in Hell, maybe he was able to bring himself back... there's a lot of possibilities there.

Charles: Oath of the Watchers paladin, hands-down. I know, most people tend to peg him as a fighter, but hear me out---first off, he canonically fights with a magical weapon, and you know it would be cool as hell for him to cast Smite with his cricket bat. Second off, his whole deal as a Dead Boy Detective feels very Oath-of-the-Watchers coded, since they're all about guarding the material world from extraplanar forces. And third... he's a punk. Paladins are punks. Also, he's gotta be an elf. Probably a wood elf instead of a high elf, but elf is non-negotiable when you're putting Charles I-Have-Cute-Pointed-Ears Rowland in a fantasy setting.

Crystal: Aberrant Mind sorcerer, kalshatar. Because, well... *gestures to her everything* yeah. Also, Crystal deserves to go full-on eldritch entity.

Niko: I personally think that she'd be an amazing College of Creation bard---and this might just be because that's my favorite subclass for my favorite class, and she's my favorite character, but she feels very bard to me, and College of Creation is all about seeing the beauty in the world, appreciating life, and making the most out of any situation, which fits our girl well. Also, I think that Niko would probably be the group's token human, which fits nicely with her being the only non-magical member of the Dead Boy Detectives in canon.

Monty: Circle of Stars druid, kenku. Theoretically, a kenku who could actually converse with people instead of just repeating what he hears, but... astrology crow. What do you want me to say.

Jenny: She was tricky, but I eventually decided that she'd be your classic tiefling rogue---specifically, a Soulknife rogue, with maybe a level or two of fighter thrown in there for good measure. Jenny gives off the vibes of a slightly older adventurer who's kind of grown cynical about the whole thing, but she's still tagging along with a younger, more starry-eyed crew because somebody needs to keep them alive.

Esther: Now, while the temptation to make her a Green Hag is very, very strong, I think that might be doing her a little bit too dirty. So, instead, she's a Circle of Spores druid and a Great Old One warlock, and while she is a regular human, she's done a lot of messed-up stuff to keep herself alive and young. I figured that Circle of Spores fits with her necromancy shtick (and also, y'know, Teeth Face), and GOOlock fits with her deal with Lilith.

The Cat King: Trickster Domain cleric, tabaxi. No-brainer, really.

The Night Nurse: Her whole deal strikes me as very Protector aasimar-coded, if not straight-up Celestial-coded. Also, she fits the criteria for a Grave Domain cleric to a T.

[unknown-drug]

🦋 25 things I wish I knew.. 🦋

1. Doing the same exercises over and over again will not help you lose weight. Switch it up, do cardio even if it sucks and no, weight lifting is not gonna make you look bulky. Lean muscle bruns more cals so think about it. It's better to have them than not.

2. If you are to diving in EDs don't do it for someone other than you. Be completely aware of the long term consequences. Do some research. And honestly, they are not worth the hassle.

3. Food is not an enemy. The day it becomes your alie only then will you really reach the ultimate peace of mind conserning food. You have to work with it not against it.

4. Not all diet will work on you. Don't  get discouraged. Try a few and see what's work. Keep in mind to incorporate a little bit of every food group to make sure you won't lack any crucial nutrients. Again do your research.

5. Do not beat yourself too hard if you slip up. It might get you to binge 10x harder too. Nobody is perfect. We all binge once in a while. And it is acutally good when you hit plateaus and stuff.

6. Reaching my GW or even my UGW didn't made me as happy as I first thought. Yes, I was somewhat glad to reach it but I was still not happy with the results..

7. Weighting yourself every single day is not effective because of the water weight an all.. the scale can shift up to 5 lbs a day. I usually do it once or twice max a week. Always on the same day. So you can see a more accurate graph.

8. No one as the same body as you. Your number compare to others might not look the same. So yes your thinspo is all cute but have you considered all the criterias ?? Keep your mind open.

9. Having something to eat in the morning (even if it is your only meal) will helps you kick start your metabolism for the day.

10. Sleep is mandatory. Don't think that staying awake all night doing exercises is helping you. In fact, your metabolism will go down 10 to 20 % if you sleep less than 6h a night. Get the rest you will need it.

11. Liquid cal and solid one are not registered by your body the same way.

12. There is no magical pill, no tea bullshit and no fucking food miracle to lose weight. But if you do take meds like  laxative or diuretic and diet pill of anykind, you have to switch it every so often. Your body will get use to them so they will feel like there aren't working. Do not take more then the recommended amount. I personally never like those because of how harmful they are to you. Be extremely careful if you are using them and please if you see anything out of the ordinary talk to professionals. It can really mess you up in the long run.

13. Stay hydrated. Your body will give up faster if you don't drink enough water compare to food. If you are fasting or anything, this shit is mandatory. And no, coffee and teas should not count in your water intakes. It is so important for weight loss.

14. Fiber. Fiber. Fiber. They are your biggest allies. Keeps you fuller longer and is the best to avoid the need of extra meds.

15. Those who will notice won't be the one you want. And those who are really there for you are not always the one you thought would be.. But do not throw away the help if you need it.

16. Do your own research on your ED. There is so much false information passed along the community you did be surprise. Do not believe everything you find either.

17. If you ever relapse after more than a year of recovery you have to keep in mind that your body has change. Especially if it went through puberty or if it is somewhere in your adulthood. If you plan on using the same old tricks you did as a teenager, I am sorry to announce you that it might not work. Your relapse is like a whole new ed. You have to relearn everything about your body. It has ajusted to your harsh treatment and will definitely not cooperate the way it did before. So keep that in mind.

18. EDs dont have numbers. Someone who is 200+ pounds is as valid as someone who is 100 and under. Stop bullying people cause they are heavier or lighter than you are. We are all in the shit anyways...

19. Take your fucking vitamins. I can't stress that enough but you need them just to make sure your body will not rupture. It can prevent so much side effects to EDs and even trip to the hospital.

20. Even fully recovered, the numbers won't magically stop in your mind. It will stay there lurking in the shadow.. try not to give in to them.

21. Keep yourself accountable. Stop blaming others or your life for things you have done. At the end of the day, you are the one doing everything. Excuses are not gonna help you acheive anything.

21. The sense of control is only temporary... One day you will have to go up agaist your demon and fight them or die trying.. literally.

22. Mixing BPD and anorexia was one of the biggest mistake of my life. Been the depressed and sucidal kid I was it really was a match made in hell. Actually really surprised I am still alive.

23. If you do purge, you have to understand a few things. Even if you were to purge the entirety of your stomach and that only mere second after finishing eating you body has already absorbed portion of the calories ! A general rules is that about 1/3 to 2/3 of it will be left behind. So no, this is not a miracle erase switch. Also, the calorie absortion start in your mouth. So the trick of chewing and spitting the food will still get you cals and it is even worse for your teeths. After a purge, do not brush your teeth. I swear it will fuck up your enamel even more. Try to swish some bicarbonate and water to bring the ph down and swallow half a glass to ease up your oesophagus.

24. This is not a all rainbows and unicorns illness. It is hard to life through and even harder to witness on someone. You will cry and scream.. feel depressed and suicidal in some case. Some of us dissociate during big binge/purge episode.. Get someone you trust or vent once in a while. Don't keep all the emotions inside, it will break you.

25. And finally, If you are not ready mentally for recovery it will never happen. You got to want it to be able to let go of your obsession. It is the hardest thing to do but it is worth it.

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[blps]

Fix it

Pairing: Bakugou x reader   

Summary: You are Bakugou’s suit maker. As his last recent mission messed up his gloves, he sticks around and hangs out, watching as you fix everything.

Genre: neutral leaning fluff

Word count: 680 words

a/n: Ok this is my first time writing for Bakugou so there might be some miss-characterisation oops! anyways enjoy! 

//////////////////////////////////////

His whole body aches. The majority of his muscles were sore from yesterday's fight. It wasn’t bad per say, after all it gives him the excuse to spend time with you, but he would lie if he said the injuries didn’t hurt. The villain was strong, but he was stronger. Of course he had won. If he aspired to be the number one hero, no insignificant extra was going to stray him from his path. The only extra he hopped was going to stick by his side on his journey was you.

You were his costume designer from the start. Your first assignment when you first attended UA in the support course was to make the first years hero class outfits. It was a challenge creating the grenades, but you made it. From then on, Bakugou always came to you for improvements.

Being his costume designer wasn’t a difficult job for your amazing talent, craft and expertise, but Bakugou definitely made it that way. He had the most imaginable and precise criterias for his costume. His demands always pushed your mind to the fullest.

Honestly, Bakugou wouldn’t choose any other person to do this job. Not only were you delivering great results, you handled his personality pretty well. At first, there was some tension between the two of you. But as time went on, you felt something in him change. As if his horizons expanded and he was more aware of others around him.

Presently, Bakugou was sitting in front of your workspace, watching you work on his gloves. They were damaged from his fight. The colors worned out, either from his explosions or the attacks, some parts were missing and the mechanism inside was completely destroyed, a problem you were trying to solve.

The room was a mess. Everywhere were tools, towels to wipe off the dirt and pieces of metal. Bakugou didn’t mind the mess or the smell of chemicals, smoke and sweat, he was too distracted by your features, focused on repairing the accessories and probably also thinking of future improvements. He found it cute how the crease slightly above the middle of your eyes formed. The mood was quiet, peaceful, nothing could ruin it.

“You have been awfully quiet Bakugou”, your eyes looked up to him for a split second, ” Perhaps your head also took some damage.”

Except that comment. Irritation was clear on his face and your little giggle just made matters worse.

“Everything is completely fine dumbass!” He yelled those words, but it only served to make him even more mad.

“Calm down explosive boy. Usually you comment every movement I make while working, so what’s on your mind?” A smile still adorned your face, calming him a bit, but the frown still stayed.

“Nothing, I’m allowed to stay quiet aren’t-I.” You agreed with his comment, choosing to stay silent and focus back on your work.

A moment of silence fell down once again between the two of you. Bakugou kept watching how you manipulated each tool with perfection, your beautiful eyes scanning the blueprints for guidance. He couldn’t explain it, but his heart always acted strange between the two of you. It was apparently obvious if Kaminari pointed it to him, commenting how different Bakugou was around you.

Then it hit him.

He liked on you.

That could be the only reason right? After all, why was he keeping you company? You could fix his gloves alone, it was your job after all. So why does he not leave? He wanted to stay with you longer, maybe outside the context of his suit. He began to feel nervous due to his feelings. The realisation made him fidget.

You began to notice the way he kept changing his position, wiping the sweat from his hands, as he should, you wouldn’t want an explosion in your workplace with oil everywhere. Before you could say anything, Bakugou bolted out of his seat, giving you a brief goodbye.

Maybe one day he’ll confess to you, who knows. But in the meantime, he needed to sort everything out.

[toastedqueso]

Praying For A Miracle

Pairing: Mark x Original Female Character | Reader

Summary: Mark tries to bake a cake for his girlfriend's birthday. And rekindles his friendship with eggs.

Genre: Fluff, Crack Fic

Warning: Uh...kitchen disasters?

Words: 1.4k

A/N: I love GBBO, all forms of it. That's what sparked the idea. I need Mark on Celebrity GBBO. The world needs this to heal.

The kitchen is a mess. It looks as if a massive food fight took place. But no, there was no food fight. It’s in its current state because of only one individual. Mark Lee.

Baking a birthday cake for his girlfriend, Amari, seemed like a great idea yesterday when Renjun suggested it.

“It’s so easy,” Renjun said.

“She’ll love it,” Chenle said.

“WOW,” Jaemin said.

Jeno and Jisung gave him silent smiles. He’s not sure what that meant, but smiles were always good. At least Haechan wasn’t there. He doesn’t trust Haechan’s opinion. He had enough votes of confidence to believe that baking a cake was a foolproof idea.

The idea seemed even better this morning when Amari said she was lucky to have such a hardworking and talented boyfriend like him. He truly felt invincible. Unfortunately, his ego got the best of him and now he’s regretting it. The kitchen was regretting it too. There wasn’t a counter or cupboard in sight that didn’t have some of the ingredients splattered on it.

“OK MARK YOU GOT THIS!” He tries to hype himself up. All he has left to do is mix the wet and dry ingredients, pour the batter in the cake pan, bake and decorate. Easy! Mark’s phone buzzes alerting him that he has a new text. He intends to ignore it and stay focused on his cake, but he takes a peek to see that the sender is Amari.

Amari

Got out of my shift early! Time to party!!! 🥳 🥳

Mark

Can’t wait to see you birthday girl! ❤️️ Hahaha

There was nothing funny about this. This should be great news, it IS great news, more time to celebrate her birthday together except for one problem. Mark is nowhere near done with the cake. Mark hastily throws all the ingredients in the baking pan.

“If I throw it in the oven now and increase the temperature, it should be ready when she walks in,” Mark hypothesizes. Or he hopes saying it out loud will make it true.

He puts the heavy cream back into the fridge. There’s no time to get fancy and make whipped cream, he’ll have to stick to Cool Whip. Next, he looks through the cupboards to try to find something to decorate the cake with. He finds nothing and prays he can find candy or even a lollipop in his backpack. Taking a look through the pockets, he finally comes across a squished pack of gummy bears.

“Perfect!” he thinks. They fit the criteria to add some color to an otherwise plain cake.

The timer buzzes and Mark rushes to get the cake out. It looks and smells like a cake, which is right now a miracle. He checks the time and sees he has about 5 minutes to decorate. He has no time to let it cool so he gets the genius idea to put it in the freezer and throw the Cool Whip and gummy bears on it.

After the cake all dressed in white with a mountain of gummy bears, he shuts the freezer door and starts praying. He gets on his knees and actually prays. He prays that the cake is edible and she doesn’t break up with him over Renjun’s bad idea. He really should’ve just bought her a cake and made her a song. In the middle of his praying, he hears a knock on the door. He gets up and accepts that he tried his best no matter what fate awaits him.

“Happy birthday, babe,” Mark greets Amari. He bends down to give her a kiss.

“Thank you!” Amari says breaking the kiss. She buries her face in his chest and sniffs his shirt.

“You smell delicious.”

“Um surprise? I, uh, made you something?” The confidence Mark felt an hour ago has all but left him at this point.

“What? NO WAY! You’re the best!” Amari exclaims as she jumps up to hug Mark. Mark thinks that his panicking for the past 2 hours was worth it for this reaction and savors the moment.

Amari glances up at the kitchen. “But did you try to feed the whole kitchen or something? You got flour everywhere.”

“Oh that…haha.” Mark nervously rubs the back of his neck. He was so caught up in praying that the cake fiasco turns out okay, that he forgot about the mess.

“I’ll get to it later. Wanna try your cake?” Mark changes the subject.

“Of course!” Amari says as she heads to the sink to wash her hands.

Mark takes the cake out of the freezer, which Amari doesn’t comment on to Mark’s relief. Mark looks through the drawers and finds one candle and places it in the middle of the mountain of gummy bears on the cake.

“Sorry about how it looks,” Mark apologizes shyly.

“What do you mean? It’s so cute!” Amari gushes. She takes out her phone and takes pictures to post on Instagram.

“You’re just saying that,” Mark replies. Thinking about Amari boasting to everyone about Mark’s sweet gesture makes him blush a little.

“No, I mean it! You know, I’ve never had anyone bake me a cake before,” Amari confesses. From the look of pure joy on her face, Mark can tell she’s not lying.

“Woah, no way. This is hella special,” Mark states proudly. Maybe Renjun has great ideas, Mark thinks to himself.

Mark lights the solitary candle sitting on the gummy bear hill before singing happy birthday for Amari. Amari closes her eyes to make a wish and blows out the candle. She takes a fork and carefully digs into the cake to keep the gummy bear hill intact. Mark silently prays again while he awaits her reaction. It feels like an eternity has gone by before Amari stops chewing and scrunches up her face.

“Mark, why is the cake crunchy?” Amari takes her fork and begins to closely inspect the contents of the cake. It doesn’t take her long to find it. There are fragments of something brown in the cake. Amari starts howling with laughter while Mark looks shocked at her reaction. Before Mark can ask what’s wrong, Amari starts to speak.

“Umm Mark, why are there eggshells in the cake?”

“WHAT? What do you mean egg shells? I put them in the...Oh God. I dumped everything in the cake pan because you were coming back earlier than I expected and uhhhh maybe the eggshells were in there too,” Mark starts to recall.

Realizing his error, Mark hides his face in his hands and tries to rub away the embarrassment he feels. No, Renjun has the worst ideas. He knows Mark is a disaster with eggs. What kind of person sets their friend up like that?

“Say it.” Mark looks at Amari. She tilts her head in confusion.

“Just say that I suck at this,” Mark pushes.

“Oh Mark, you know I’m not mad. Sure your cake...is interesting. But you tried! At least it looked pretty...ish,” Amari tries to soften the blow.

Mark sits down and sulks. Amari cups his face and turns it to her.

“You know what I love about you? You always try your best. You might not be great at something, but you’ll always try your best and do better next time,” Amari compliments.

Mark blushes from her sweet words. He gets up from his chair and kisses her. He can feel her wanting more as she lightly licks his lower lip. He breaks the kiss at Amari’s slight annoyance.

“I’m sorry about this disaster. It’s your birthday and it’s all about you. You always know how to make me feel good so I’ll find a way to make it up to you,” Mark announces.

Amari grabs Mark by the neck to pull him closer and whispers, “Oh don’t worry, you’re definitely making it up to me tonight. And I’ll be the one telling you what to do.”

Mark’s breath hitches as she runs her hands down his chest and kisses his ear. She shoves Mark away and throws the paper towel roll at him.

“But first, you’re cleaning up the kitchen.”

[ascenteen]

Stepping from stereotypes to Self acceptance

Hello Ascendants, From when we are kids, we have heard phrases like “be yourself,” ” don’t imitate to be someone else,” “be authentic,” and so much more. But as a kid, I never really understood what that meant. Who was I? and How could I be myself when I did not know who I was. Being one of the youngest in my family, I always tried to be like my sister, in school like my best friends, and in this mess, I never really understood what it was like to be myself. Last year, I felt like I found myself. Not wholly but in bits and pieces. I still have a long way to go, but this is my story. As a kid, I was, like most kids, a girl who loved playing with dolls and who loved wearing makeup and nail paints and all the other cool stuff. But, when I entered middle school, I saw a transition which very few girls my age saw; the segregation of a tomboy, nerdy girl, and a girly girl. (I know these words are cringe, but I am just honest about how messed up my head was). No one could see this, just me. This separation was in my head, and I fit into none of it. And to gain external validation of boys in my class and be a “cool person,” I decided that I will be a Tomboy. Being a tomboy was easy for me; I loved sports, which was the only criteria required to be a Tom Boy. But, there were many other things Tomboys didn’t do, which included watching Rom Coms, wearing makeup, wearing dresses, gossiping, and so many more. I am not sure who made these rules, but in my head, these were the rules, and to be a “cool person,” I had to follow them and thus began my journey of feeling unauthentic and fear of judgment. I used to think that I looked ugly and my only strength was my sport. In school, I was the only girl on the entire swim team. But, the more I tried to be a tomboy, the more hideous and unauthentic I felt about myself, and the more I hated “wearing makeup or wearing pretty dresses” because I thought that it was the thing that made other people pretty. Last year, as the pandemic started, I began journaling my thoughts. The more I wrote, the more I realized that what a great gift for fashion and makeup was to express yourself. I started watching fashion and makeup blogs, I started watching makeup reels, and I read beauty articles. I know it sounds crazier if you know me, but this is the truth. And I still couldn’t picture myself wearing any makeup, and weirdly I was okay with it. The best thing that I found myself doing was appreciating people around me who wore makeup. In the past, I constantly criticized my sisters for wearing makeup; I thought they weren’t authentic to themselves by putting on a mask/facade. Still, as I started introspecting, I realized that makeup is a form of expression like art. You want to look cute and pretty; apply loads of red and pink, you want to look badass and confident, do an excellent smoky eye. It changed my perspective towards myself and my personality. As I began wondering more and more about why I couldn’t wear any makeup, I realized that a part of me still felt like I am not pretty enough. I do love myself and accept myself the way I am, but I believe that if I ever wear makeup, I will use it as a shield to hide behind, and I don’t want to hide anymore. Not behind a tomboy façade, neither behind any makeup. I choose to express myself as raw without makeup because facing my fears will make me stronger. This is the most authentic self that I know, a girl who loves sports, Rom Coms, Indian attire, dresses, watching her sisters and best friends apply makeup, hates shopping, loves adventure, and calculated risks. I love this truth. I love this me. The other day I met an old friend who said to me, “Bro, you have changed a lot, and I am so happy that you now believe that you can be a girl who loves flowers and pastel colors and still be the most badass/confident b*tch alive.” And I felt that. I now understand that I don’t need to be manly or boyish to be taken seriously. It has been quite a journey, and now I am glad that I found myself. Even today, there are some days when I worry about what people might say about me, and I know it’s a slow process, but I am proud of myself in regards to how far I have come. I feel authentic, and I am kind to myself, and that is a beautiful feeling. Cheers, I found myself.

[moon-stars01]

-Shimmer-

Mingyu x Reader

Author:spinebreaka

Summary: When he approaches you in the library the last thing you expected was to be tutoring the cute Gryffindor beater Kim Mingyu for the upcoming Defence Against The Dark Arts exam. As you help him with his worst subject you can’t help but enjoy your time together. And as the exam inches closer and closer you find yourself in for a surprise.

Pairing:Mingyu(Svt) x Reader

Gene:Harry Potter au,magic au,fluff,

Rating:General Audiences

Word Count:3226

-Shimmer-

“It’s not real, the ceiling. It’s just bewitched to look like the night sky.”

Breakfast was in full swing this morning, the excited chatter of the students with the delicious smells coming from the tables made for a cheerful morning despite the heavy rainfall outside. You never get tired of looking at the great halls ceiling. Ever since you started your school years at Hogwarts you were fascinated with the great halls enchantment, mimicking not only the sky outside but also the weather. Today for instance it was the sight of the morning sun breaking through the rain clouds. It was perfect Quidditch weather for the match later today. The commotion coming from each house table was almost deafening. It was the match that decided the winners of this year’s Quidditch cup and everybody was excited to see the Hufflepuff VS Gryffindor match. But with the excitement of the match also came the dread and anticipation for the Practical exam for all DADA students.

You were also giddy with anticipation for the upcoming match, while your initial loyalty lies with the Ravenclaw team, today you would be cheering for Gryffindor to win. The reason you would be sporting a red and gold banner sat two tables away from you, picking at his breakfast looking as though he wanted the ground to swallow him.

Kim Mingyu.

He was half of the pair that made up the beaters for the Gryffindor team and one of the best players the team had had in years, Hufflepuff were good, but so were Gryffindor. You had only recently started interacting with Mingyu outside of classes together. Yes you had quite a few classes with Mingyu over the last 6 years at Hogwarts, but it’s only in this semester you’ve really gotten to know him. He was the athletic over intellect type, preferring to be on the Quidditch pitch rather than the classroom and while he was quite an intelligent student, his mind flitted around like a snitch in certain classes, not enough to fail but enough to draw the attention of professors to his grades. It’s actually this reason your out of class interactions had started.

It had all started when he approached you in the library one afternoon.

________________________

You were browsing the astronomy section of the Library, needing a little extra help in this subject, it really wasn’t your strong point, you were more of a practical student, preferring potions and charms, DADA being the subject you excelled most in. You were just about to go check the books out when you heard someone clear their throat behind you, turning, you were surprised to see Mingyu, he was in your DADA and care of magical creatures classes earlier that day, but apart from classes together, the two of you had never really spoken to each other, so why was he approaching you now?

“Um, Y/N right?” His hair was windswept and damp looking, his tie was missing and his shirt was un-tucked.

“Umm yes? Mingyu from Gryffindor right?”

“Right… Sorry I look like a mess, I came straight from Quidditch practice to find you, your friend told me you’d be here, I was wondering if you could help me” He runs his hand through his sweaty hair as he asks you, attempting to tidy himself up.

“Ohhh, so uh, what is it you wanted to ask that you needed to hunt me down?” you laughed adjusting the books in your hands “I dont think I’ve ever seen you in the Library before.“

He returns your laughter and places his hands in his pockets "yeah, I’m not one for that stuffy book smell” his nose crinkles slightly “Sooo, I know you’re one of the better DADA students in our year… I’m a disaster at this class, my grades have slipped so much Mcgonagall has had to give me a chat,” He sighs as he walks to the table closest to you both, you followed him and set your books down. “I really need to get my grades back up to passable, if not, Mcgonagall has said I might have to withdraw from the Quidditch team…”

Now that surprised you. “Wow she would really do that? She’s always had a competitive streak when it comes to the Quidditch cup… You’d think she would want her team filled with the best players.." You sat pondering his words as he smiled dishearteningly. "So, you need help?”

His eyes brightened at the mention of helping him, his shoulders broadened slightly and his lips parted “Yeah, I know you’re a wiz at this defence against the dark arts stuff, and we have that practical test after Christmas, I need to pass so badly” he sighs “Quidditch is my life you know? It’s all I ever wanted to do since I was young, and the thought of being kicked off the team because I’m crap at defensive spells…” he rubs his face with his hands in irritation.

You couldn’t help but feel for him, he was indeed a great Quidditch player, he tried out as soon as he could and has been a solid team member for Gryffindor since your second year, and yes, you had noticed his… lacking skills in DADA, but you never thought he would be given an ultimatum of pass or get kicked off the team. His grades must have dropped drastically for Mcgonagall to risk losing a good player from the team.

“I don’t mind helping you if you want me too?” You offered and could have sworn you saw his eyes water slightly. You stood from the table, going to gather your books as he shoots up, grabbing them for you, his voice raises as he goes to thank you.

“Oh my god, Y/N, you have no idea how grateful I would be! I promise you won’t regret this! You’re doing me such a huge favour!”

________________________

It had been 4 months since you agreed to help Mingyu out with his DADA lessons, and you both have developed something of a friendship within a tutorship. The Saturdays you had free were spent going over the subject criteria from each lesson, both written and practical. On the written stuff, Mingyu had been doing really well, meeting you in the library and handing in his essays on time, but then there was the practical stuff….

To say Mingyu was bad was an understatement.

He really wasn’t kidding when he said he was crap at this, you don’t even think it’s because he prioritises Quidditch. He’s just, REALLY bad.

The Practical exam had gotten closer and closer, now being only a month away, the defensive charm that was to be performed had been announced to the class. The goal was to conjure a full or shield form of the patronus charm. You had been working with Mingyu every weekend and free time you had for months, but to his annoyance, he just wasn’t getting the hang of it. The stress of getting nowhere had started to take its toll on his morale, so much so that recently he’s started rain checking, or straight up dodging the tutoring sessions. You felt for him, you really did, but it irked you slightly that you’re using your personal time to help him when you’ve got your own subjects to study for, Astronomy was kicking your ass right now, and he’s ditching? Not if you had anything to say about it.

Making your way to the Quidditch pitch, you knew he would be there, it’s his favourite hangout spot besides from the Gryffindor common room, this was the only place you can actually go and find him. His arms were over his face, shielding from the light of the midday sun. You approach the bench and your sharp tone startles him slightly.

“You know, if you don’t want me to tutor you anymore you just have to say.” You cross your arms looking down on him, your irritation clear on your face.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I ditched, I ju-”

“For the 4th time in a row, You know you’re not the only one with subjects to study for right?” He looks at you with guilty eyes as you continue on ranting to him. “ I get it, you’re stressed out about the exam, but getting nowhere, and ditching, is still gonna get you nowhere.”

you push his legs off the bench and sit beside him, Mingyu sitting up and adjusting himself as he looks down at the floor. He sighs and kicks the sand, turning his eyes to you.

“…I am sorry Y/N, I know you’re taking time out or your own study time to help me, believe me I’m grateful… I just get so stressed out that I’m getting nowhere with producing the patronus.”

“You’re not getting nowhere though, Mingyu, look how far you’ve come in 4 months, your grades are up, your essays are getting in on time, and you’re getting better at practical charms, you can’t say you’re getting nowhere.”

“But I am, I’m no closer to casting the charm than I was months ago."

"Well,” you took a breath, thinking of possibilities “maybe it’s your approach to it, you still haven’t told me the memory you are focusing on, is it a powerful happy one?"

He looked up from the ground, a confused look about his face "Beating Slytherin in the last match.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s the problem, you need a memory that fills you with so much happiness and emotion… I don’t think beating Slytherin really classes as the right memory here.” You chuckle a little, but Mingyu looks exasperated.

“Then what kind of memory?”

“What about your parents?” You notice Mingyus face falter slightly.

Mingyu’s lips twist a little, his eyes downcast as his voice is lower than usual, “I, I don’t have parents, they uh, they died when I was younger, I live with my Grandmother."

There was a moment of silence that followed his response. Neither of you knew what to say next. Looking at him, you see his shoulders shake slightly, and you reach for his hand, his cold knuckles were a drastic change to your warm palms. He looks up, meeting your gaze.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t know, but thank you for telling me.”

Mingyu grasps your hand in his, a silent response to you, and after a few moments, he finally speaks.

“Your patronus is a cat, right?”

“Yeah."

"How is it supposed to feel, when you cast the patronus?”

“Well I’ve read it’s different for everyone, but for me, it’s kind of like a shimmery feeling?” His eyebrows quirk “Like, a feeling of being washed over by something warm.”

“Like a blanket?” He smiles.

“I was thinking more like when you step outside into a warm day” His comment made you let out a belt of laughter, to which he joins in.

After your little laughing session, the two of you chatted about anything and everything, you realised you practically knew nothing about each other. You completely overlooked the feast, instead the two of you filled each other in about your childhoods, your friends,and any other topic you could think of talking about. It was only when rain started to fall that the two of you decide to head back inside, curfew creeping closer and closer, you would have to leave eventually. You and Mingyu don’t manage to outrun the downpour, getting quite soaked on your way inside, but this just makes the both of you laugh even more than earlier.

He shakes his head, sending out droplets hitting you in your face in the process, to which you land a whack on his shoulder, the laughter dies down slightly, reduced to slight chuckles as the two of you look at each other.

There’s a moment, a moment of eyes locking that you both stop the chuckles, and Mingyu reaches for your face, tucking a wiping your wet hair from your face. Neither of you move. There’s silence, but you both look at each other again, and you can’t help but erupt into giggles again as he shakes his head again, even more droplets of rain hit your face.

The two of you finally make your way to the second staircase, you heading up another level, him continuing down the corridor. Both of you had a renewed tutoring plan. Mingyu seemed to have a fire lit under his butt, even more determined to ace this test, and he has a memory in mind to focus on, he just hopes it’s the right choice.

________________________

So here you sat at the Ravenclaw table, your breakfast finished, you drank some tea trying to calm your nerves, exams always made you nervous. But looking at the Gryffindor table, you knew you didn’t have the worst case of pre-exam jitters out there, that honour goes to Mr Kim Mingyu himself. In the last month you and Mingyu had been spending every free moment of your time helping him cast the patronus charm. You don’t know what happened to him, but by some miracle, he was able to produce a shield form! You begged him to tell you what his new memory was, but whatever it was, he was keeping it to himself. But if it helped him focus it more by keeping it secret you wouldn’t pry, this was the best progress he had made in the whole of the tutoring sessions. You were so proud of him. In the past month he had been so dedicated to his exam prep, you even heard him having to ditch Quidditch practice once or twice, this was serious for him.

But for all his dedication and prep, right now he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. You knew he didn’t do well in exams either, but for him this exam was more important than anything else.

He looked up and caught your eyes, to which you flashed him a reassuring smile, to he replied with the hand motion of his head exploding. The two of you shared a giggle across the room as you finished breakfast before heading to the DADA classroom.

The class was all lined up in house order: Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and finally Gryffindor. Waiting for each student to turn, you see plenty of people fail, others producing shield form patronus charms, some even full bodied, you see various different animals, horses, ferrets, owls, dogs for example. Your house’s turn came quickly and your turn came even quicker, your patronus forming into a cat pretty quickly and you make your way to the other end of the classroom to wait and watch for the other students. After the rest of your house and the Hufflepuff students, it’s finally Mingyu’s turn.

He steps forward slowly, you can see his breathing increase and he bites his bottom lip slightly, the professor tells him to cast when he’s ready. You catch his eyes as he readies his wand, and you show him thumbs up as you smile at him, reassuring him that he’s got this in the bag. He exhales and closes his eyes, focusing himself on his memory, and when he opens his eyes he readies his wand and chants.

“Expecto Patronum!”

There’s a moment, a long, dragged out moment of nothing, and then, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding, his wand shimmers in white light, and there it is.He casts a full bodied patronus. A cat patronus. Your surprised and join the other Gryffindor students cheering for him as he looks at his Patronus in awe.

Mingyu can’t believe his eyes. He did it. He cast a Patronus charm, a full bodied patronus! His face erupts with a wide grin as he makes his way to the other students, the Gryffindors crowding him and rejoicing their Quidditch team will not be down a player no doubt. Mingyu looks at you and you can’t help but laugh and smile like a giddy fool about his achievement.

The other students finish their practicals and the professor dismisses everyone for free. As the class files out of the classroom in relief, Mingyu envelops you in a tight hug, you feel the air leave your lungs as he practically screams in your ear.

“Y/N!!!! I did it!! You are my literal life saver.” You wheeze a little for emphasis and he lets you go, gaining your breath back you laugh and join him in the merriment.

“YOU did it! I’m so proud of you, all the practice paid off I told you it would!!”

Mingyus’ teammates crowded him and congratulated him. The seeker hoshi messed his hair as the other half of the Gryffindor beaters, Seungcheol offered a fist bump. Jeonghan looked between the two and couldn’t help but laugh a little as his eyes lit up mischievously.

“sooo, all this time you’ve been getting help from Y/N eyyyy"

Mingyu laughed as he returned the fist hump

"Yeah, she is the reason I’m staying on the team, I wouldn’t have even been able to cast a shield if not for her helping me!”

You couldn’t help but blush a little at his words, which Jeonghan picked up on, setting his eyes on Mingyu again as he spoke.

“ So you both have cat forms for your Patronus animal huh, you know I read a person’s patronus form can be influenced by someone else, if the caster feels deeply for the other person. Isn’t that funny, It’s almost as if you love Y/N, how peculiar.”

You stand still for a second, so does Mingyu , taking in Jeonghan’s words, Love? Surely not, You only helped him with the charm, that doesn’t mean he’s madly in love with you… right…

Mingyu laughs nervously and punches Jeonghan’s shoulder while the captain of the Gryffindor team, Seungcheol set to work immediately, bringing focus onto the upcoming game this afternoon, excusing themselves from you to get ready to meet up with the other team mates. Mingyu lagged behind, turning to you, an awkward silence washing over the both of you,

“So uhh, Y/N, I can’t say enough how grateful I am” he scratches his head a little.

“Pshh, you cast the charm, I just gave you a little nudge… I have to ask though, I’m curious ” He looked at you “ what was your memory? Did you end up changing it?”

Mingyu’s eyes went to the floor for a second, and then back to yours, his hands went into his robe pockets, “ Yeah, and no… I mean I did change it, last minute.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was getting ready to cast the charm, when I thought back to that afternoon, on the Quidditch pitch… I um,”

You wait patiently for him to finish his sentence, a hot feeling reaching your cheeks.

“I thought about when we came back inside from the rain, when I moved your hair out of your face, I uh” He chuckles to himself “ I thought about you.”

Oh. Wow.

You weren’t expecting that…

“You were thinking of me?”

“Yeah, Jeonghan wasn’t exactly wrong back there…”

________________________

“The form of a Patronus may change during the course of a witch or wizard’s life. Instances have been known of the form of the Patronus transforming due to bereavement,falling in love or profound shifts in a person’s character

[boywivlove]

Shimmers |

Pairing | Jeon Jungkook x reader 

Genre | Harry Potter au | Friends to Lovers | Fluff

Summary | When he approaches you in the library the last thing you expected was to be tutoring the cute Gryffindor beater Jeon Jungkook for the upcoming  Defence Against The Dark Arts exam. As you help him with his worst subject you can’t help but enjoy your time together. And as the exam inches closer and closer you find yourself in for a surprise.

Authors note | Eeeeeeee I can finally post this! This is my coffeehouse workshop gift for @widowkooks Surprise its me, your anon writer!!! I really hope you like what I’ve written. I tried to fit in the info I got from you uwu

“It’s not real, the ceiling. It’s just bewitched to look like the night sky.”

Breakfast was in full swing this morning, the excited chatter of the students with the delicious smells coming from the tables made for a cheerful morning despite the heavy rainfall outside. You never get tired of looking at the great halls ceiling. Ever since you started your school years at Hogwarts you were fascinated with the great halls enchantment, mimicking not only the sky outside but also the weather. Today for instance it was the sight of the morning sun breaking through the rain clouds. It was perfect Quidditch weather for the match later today. The commotion coming from each house table was almost deafening. It was the match that decided the winners of this year’s Quidditch cup and everybody was excited to see the Hufflepuff VS Gryffindor match. But with the excitement of the match also came the dread and anticipation for the Practical exam for all DADA students.

You were also giddy with anticipation for the upcoming match, while your initial loyalty lies with the Ravenclaw team, today you would be cheering for Gryffindor to win. The reason you would be sporting a red and gold banner sat two tables away from you, picking at his breakfast looking as though he wanted the ground to swallow him.

Jeon Jungkook.

He was half of the pair that made up the beaters for the Gryffindor team and one of the best players the team had had in years, Hufflepuff were good, but so were Gryffindor. You had only recently started interacting with Jungkook outside of classes together. Yes you had quite a few classes with Jungkook over the last 6 years at Hogwarts, but it’s only in this semester you’ve really gotten to know him. He was the athletic over intellect type, preferring to be on the Quidditch pitch rather than the classroom and while he was  quite an intelligent student, his mind flitted around like a snitch in certain classes, not enough to fail but enough to draw the attention of professors to his grades. It’s actually this reason your out of class interactions had started.

It had all started when he approached you in the library one afternoon.

You were browsing the astronomy section of the Library, needing a little extra help in this subject, it really wasn’t your strong point, you were more of a practical student, preferring potions and charms, DADA being the subject you exceledl most in. You were just about to go check the books out when you heard someone clear their throat behind you, turning, you were surprised to see Jungkook, he was in your DADA and care of magical creatures classes earlier that day, but apart from classes together, the two of you had never really spoken to each other, so why was he approaching you now?

“Um, Y/N right?” His hair was windswept and damp looking, his tie was missing and his shirt was untucked. 

“Umm yes? Jungkook from Gryffindor right?”

“Right… Sorry I look like a mess, I came straight from Quidditch practice to find you, your friend told me you’d be here, I was wondering if you could help me” He runs his hand through his sweaty hair as he asks you, attempting to tidy himself up.

“Ohhh, so uh, what is it you wanted to ask that you needed to hunt me down?” you laughed adjusting the books in your hands “I dont think I’ve ever seen you in the Library before." 

He returns your laughter and places his hands in his pockets "yeah, I’m not one for that stuffy book smell” his nose crinkles slightly “Sooo, I know you’re one of the better DADA students in our year… I’m a disaster at this class, my grades have slipped so much Mcgonagall has had to give me a chat,” He sighs as he walks to the table closest to you both, you followed him and set your books down. “I really need to get my grades back up to passable, if not, Mcgonagall has said I might have to withdraw from the Quidditch team…”

Now that surprised you. “Wow she would really do that? She’s always had a competitive streak when it comes to the Quidditch cup… You’d think she would want her team filled with the best players.."  You sat pondering his words as he smiled dishearteningly. "So, you need help?”

His eyes brightened at the mention of helping him, his shoulders broadened slightly and his lips parted “Yeah, I know you’re a wiz at this defence against the dark arts stuff, and we have that practical test after christmas, I need to pass so badly” he sighs “Quidditch is my life you know? It’s all I ever wanted to do since I was young, and the thought of being kicked off the team because I’m crap at defensive spells…” he rubs his face with his hands in irritation.

You couldn’t help but feel for him, he was indeed a great Quidditch player, he tried out as soon as he could and has been a solid team member for Gryffindor since your second year, and yes, you had noticed his… lacking skills in DADA, but you never thought he would be given an ultimatum of pass or get kicked off the team. His grades must have dropped drastically for Mcgonagall to risk losing a good player from the team.

“I don’t mind helping you if you want me too?” You offered and could have sworn you saw his eyes water slightly. You stood from the table, going to gather your books as he shoots up, grabbing them for you, his voice raises as he goes to thank you.

“Oh my god, Y/N, you have no idea how grateful I would be! I promise you won’t regret this! You’re doing me such a huge favour!”

It had been 4 months since you agreed to help Jungkook out with his DADA lessons, and you both have developed something of a friendship within a tutorship. The Saturdays you had free were spent going over the subject criteria from each lesson, both written and practical. On the written stuff, Jungkook had been doing really well, meeting you in the library and handing in his essays on time, but then there was the practical stuff….

To say Jungkook was bad was an understatement.

He really wasn’t kidding when he said he was crap at this, you don’t even think it’s because he prioritises Quidditch. He’s just, REALLY bad.

The Practical exam had gotten closer and closer, now being only a month away, the defensive charm that was to be performed had been announced to the class. The goal was to conjure a full or shield form of the patronus charm. You had been working with Jungkook every weekend and free time you had for months, but to his annoyance, he just wasn’t getting the hang of it. The stress of getting nowhere had started to take its toll on his morale, so much so that recently he’s started rain checking, or straight up dodging the tutoring sessions. You felt for him, you really did, but it irked you slightly that you’re using your personal time to help him when you’ve got your own subjects to study for, Astronomy was kicking your ass right now, and he’s ditching? Not if you had anything to say about it.

Making your way to the Quidditch pitch, you knew he would be there, it’s his favourite hangout spot besides from the Gryffindor common room, this was the only place you can actually go and find him. His arms were over his face, shielding from the light of the midday sun. You approach the bench and your sharp tone startles him slightly.

“You know, if you don’t want me to tutor you anymore you just have to say.” You cross your arms looking down on him, your irritation clear on your face.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I ditched, I ju-”

“For the 4th time in a row, You know you’re not the only one with subjects to study for right?” He looks at you with guilty eyes as you continue on ranting to him. “ I get it, you’re stressed out about the exam, but getting nowhere, and ditching, is still gonna get you nowhere.”

you push his legs off the bench and sit beside him, Jungkook sitting up and adjusting himself as he looks down at the floor. He sighs and kicks the sand, turning his eyes to you.

“…I am sorry Y/N, I know you’re taking time out or your own study time to help me, believe me I’m grateful… I just get so stressed out that I’m getting nowhere with producing the patronus.”

“You’re not getting nowhere though, JK, look how far you’ve come in 4 months, your grades are up, your essays are getting in on time, and you’re getting better at practical charms, you can’t say you’re getting nowhere.”

“But I am, I’m no closer to casting the charm than I was months ago." 

"Well,” you took a breath, thinking of possibilities “maybe it’s your approach to it, you still haven’t told me the memory you are focusing on, is it a powerful happy one?" 

He looked up from the ground, a confused look about his face "Beating Slytherin in the last match.”

“Hmm, maybe that’s the problem, you need a memory that fills you with so much happiness and emotion… I don’t think beating Slytherin really classes as the right memory here.” You chuckle a little, but Jungkook looks exasperated.

“Then what kind of memory?”

“What about your parents?” You notice Jungkooks face falter slightly.

Jungkook’s lips twist a little, his eyes downcast as his voice is lower than usual, “I, I don’t have parents, they uh, they died when I was younger, I live with my Grandmother." 

There was a moment of silence that followed his response. Neither of you knew what to say next. Looking at him, you see his shoulders shake slightly, and you reach for his hand, his cold knuckles were a drastic change to your warm palms. He looks up, meeting your gaze. 

"I’m sorry, I didn’t know, but thank you for telling me.”

Jungkook grasps your hand in his, a silent response to you, and after a few moments, he finally speaks.

“Your patronus is a cat, right?”

“Yeah." 

"How is it supposed to feel, when you cast the patronus?”

“Well I’ve read it’s different for everyone, but for me, it’s kind of like a shimmery feeling?” His eyebrows quirk “Like, a feeling of being washed over by something warm.”

“Like a blanket?” He smiles.

“I was thinking more like when you  step outside into a warm day” His comment made you let out a belt of laughter, to which he joins in. 

After your little laughing session, the two of you chatted about anything and everything, you realised you practically knew nothing about each other. You completely overlooked the feast, instead the two of you filled each other in about your childhoods, your friends,and any other topic you could think of talking about. It was only when rain started to fall that the two of you decide to head back inside, curfew creeping closer and closer, you would have to leave eventually. You and Jungkook don’t manage to outrun the downpour, getting quite soaked on your way inside, but this just makes the both of you laugh even more than earlier.

He shakes his head, sending out droplets hitting you in your face in the process, to which you land a whack on his shoulder, the laughter dies down slightly, reduced to slight chuckles as the two of you look at each other. 

There’s a moment, a moment of eyes locking that you both stop the chuckles, and Jungkook reaches for your face, tucking a wiping your wet hair from your face. Neither of you move. There’s silence, but you both look at each other again, and you can’t help but erupt into giggles again as he shakes his head again, even more droplets of rain hit your face.

The two of you finally make your way to the second staircase, you heading up another level, him continuing down the corridor.  Both of you had a renewed tutoring plan. Jungkook seemed to have a fire lit under his butt, even more determined to ace this test, and he has a memory in mind to focus on, he just hopes it’s the right choice.

So here you sat at the Ravenclaw table, your breakfast finished, you drank some tea trying to calm your nerves, exams always made you nervous. But looking at the Gryffindor table, you knew you didn’t have the worst case of pre-exam jitters out there, that honour goes to Mr Jeon Jungkook himself. In the last month you and Jungkook had been spending every free moment of your time helping him cast the patronus charm. You don’t know what happened to him, but by some miracle, he was able to produce a shield form! You begged him to tell you what his new memory was, but whatever it was, he was keeping it to himself. But if it helped him focus it more by keeping it secret you wouldn’t pry, this was the best progress he had made in the whole of the tutoring sessions. You were so proud of him. In the past month he had been so dedicated to his exam prep, you even heard him having to ditch Quidditch practice once or twice, this was serious for him.

But for all his dedication and prep, right now he looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. You knew he didn’t do well in exams either, but for him this exam was more important than anything else.

He looked up and caught your eyes, to which you flashed him a reassuring smile, to he replied with the hand motion of his head exploding. The two of you shared a giggle across the room as you finished breakfast before heading to the DADA classroom.

The class was all lined up in house order: Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and finally Gryffindor. Waiting for each student to turn, you see plenty of people fail, others producing shield form patronus charms, some even full bodied, you see various different animals, horses, ferrets, owls, dogs for example. Your house’s turn came quickly and your turn came even quicker, your patronus forming into a cat pretty quickly and you make your way to the other end of the classroom to wait and watch for the other students. After the rest of your house and the Hufflepuff students, it’s finally Jungkook’s turn. 

He steps forward slowly, you can see his breathing increase and he bites his bottom lip slightly, the professor tells him to cast when he’s ready. You catch his eyes as he readies his wand, and you show him thumbs up as you smile at him, reassuring him that he’s got this in the bag. He exhales and closes his eyes, focusing himself on his memory, and when he opens his eyes he readies his wand and chants.

“Expecto Patronum!”

There’s a moment, a long, dragged out moment of nothing, and then, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding, his wand shimmers in white light, and there it is.He casts a full bodied patronus. A cat patronus. Your surprised and join the other Gryffindor students cheering for him as he looks at his Patronus in awe.

Jungkook can’t believe his eyes. He did it. He cast a Patronus charm, a full bodied patronus! His face erupts with a wide grin as he makes his way to the other students, the Gryffindors crowding him and rejoicing their Quidditch team will not be down a player no doubt. Jungkook looks at you and you can’t help but laugh and smile like a giddy fool about his achievement. 

The other students finish their practicals and the professor dismisses everyone for free. As the class files out of the classroom in relief, Jungkook envelops you in a tight hug, you feel the air leave your lungs as he practically screams in your ear.

“Y/N!!!! I did it!! You are my literal life saver.” You wheeze a little for emphasis and he lets you go, gaining your breath back you laugh and join him in the merriment. 

“YOU did it! I’m so proud of you, all the practice paid off I told you it would!!”

Jungkooks’ teammates crowded him and congratulated him. The seeker Hoseok messed his hair as the other half of the Gryffindor beaters, Jimin offered a fist bump. Jimin couldn’t help but laugh a little as his eyes lit up mischievously.

“sooo, all this time you’ve been getting help from Y/N eyyyy" 

Jungkook laughed as he returned the fist hump 

"Yeah, she is the reason I’m staying on the team, I wouldn’t have even been able to cast a shield if not for her helping me!”

You couldn’t help but blush a little at his words, which Jimin picked up on, setting his eyes on Jungkook again as he spoke.

“ So you both have cat forms for your Patronus animal huh, you know I read a person’s patronus form can be influenced by someone else, if the caster feels deeply for the other person. Isn’t that funny, It’s almost as if you love Y/N, how peculiar.”

You stand still for a second, so does Jungkook, taking in Jimin’s words, Love? Surely not, You only helped him with the charm, that doesn’t mean he’s madly in love with you… right…

Jungkook laughs nervously and punches Jimin’s shoulder while the captain of the Gryffindor team, Namjoon set to work immediately, bringing focus onto the upcoming game this afternoon, excusing themselves from you to get ready to meet up with the other team mates. Jungkook lagged behind, turning to you, an awkward silence washing over the both of you,

“So uhh, Y/N, I can’t say enough how grateful I am” he scratches his head a little.

“Pshh, you cast the charm, I just gave you a little nudge… I have to ask though, I’m curious ” He looked at you “ what was your memory? Did you end up changing it?”

Jungkook’s eyes went to the floor for a second, and then back to yours, his hands went into his robe pockets, “ Yeah, and no… I mean I did change it, last minute.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was getting ready to cast the charm, when I thought back to that afternoon, on the Quidditch pitch… I um,”

You wait patiently for him to finish his sentence, a hot feeling reaching your cheeks.

“I thought about when we came back inside from the rain, when I moved your hair out of your face, I uh” He chuckles to himself “ I thought about you.”

Oh. Wow.

You weren’t expecting that… 

“You were thinking of me?”

“Yeah, Jimin wasn’t exactly wrong back there…”

 ———————————————————————————-

“The form of a Patronus may change during the course of a witch or wizard’s life. Instances have been known of the form of the Patronus transforming due to bereavement,falling in love or profound shifts in a person’s character”

[theapathetickat]

So I finally finished the Friends design set for my Soul Eater Kemono Friends AU. (for those who don't know: Friends in Kemono Friends are animal girls* created when an animal, living or dead, comes in contact with a volcanic substance known as Sandstar, and if eaten by a Cellian/Cerulean, they revert back to being an animal and their lives are "reset" to the point just before they became a Friend, losing all memories of that time. *Crona is still nonbinary in this AU since you know, they're capable of forming/voicing their own identity regardless of assigned labels

If this gets popular, I'll make a set 2 with more characters

Art by TheApatheticKat. Please do not repost or remove/edit caption

Before I list why I chose what species everyone was based on, here's the answer to a question I might get: "where's Blair/Kim/Jackie?" (There's already canon Friends for the domestic cat and the tanuki/raccoon dog, and it wouldn't be right to include Jackie wthout Kim. Actually, you know what, they're researchers and not Friends in this AU. Don't know where Blair goes yet)

Why I chose which species for which character: (note: I only chose species that didn't have canon Kemono Friends characters as of July 2020)

Maka - Domestic Rabbit: Partially because of that one manga panel where Crona hallucinated Maka with a rabbit's face, partially because from rabbit owners I follow, a Maka-like nature is way more common than you'd think. Though I was surprised there was no canon Friend for the domestic rabbit.

Crona - Fancy Rat (Lilac color): So I actually went through more species ideas for Crona's design than any other character. Mostly thinking about animals that were pink or purple in nature so I didn't have to mess with their hair too much, but those colors don't appear often (and unfortunately not in feline species at all). I had considered the Roseate Spoonbill, Galah, Web-footed gecko, Pine Grosbeak, Rusty-spotted cat, Kodkod, Black-footed cat, and the European Wildcat, but I ended up going with the fancy/domestic rat, specifically the lilac color variation. (it's actually warm gray and not truly lilac purple, but...) Because 1) I like rats, they are very cute like Crona; and 2) snake and rat symbolism with Medusa and Crona even though I have no idea how the heck I'd work that dynamic into a Kemono Friends AU considering the fluffy, G-rated nature of that series. 

Tsubaki - Kerama Deer: The Will of Nakatsukasa represented itself as a deer. I could have made her based on that, but as The Will of Nakatsukasa is original to Soul Eater's lore and is not a creature from real-world mythology like the canon mythical Friends, I went looking for an actual deer species native to Japan. The Sika deer was the only major one I could find, and it already had a canon Friend, but not all its subspecies did, so that's why I ended up choosing the subspecies known as the Kerama Deer.

Liz - Big Brown Bat: Since the Thompson sisters grew up in Brooklyn, I wanted to use two similar species that live at least somewhere in New York, as Friends of similar/related species in Kemono Friends regard each other as sisters (because aside from a few exceptions, there's only one Friend per species at any given time).

Patty - Little Brown Bat: I thought because of their common names that the big and little brown bats were related species. Turns out they're not even in the same genus, and I had already written the species names on the paper in pen so... oops. They're still sisters by KF logic anyway in this AU because I'm just gonna say so.

Medusa - Ursini Meadow Viper: She had to be a snake. Because her name was lifted from Greek mythology, I wanted to use a snake that lives in Greece, and because of her personality/canon actions, a venomous one was preferable. Luckily there was a snake out there that fit all that criteria. Also the symbolism with Medusa being a venomous snake while Crona being a rat... yeah.

Arachne - Black Widow: The vibes

Eruka - Australian Green Tree Frog: I was looking for a frog species that was a close match to what her frog form looks like in Soul Eater. The Australian Green Tree Frog is predominantly green, has the white underside, and some individuals have the dark facial spots, so it was a perfect fit! In trying to see what frog features are present on frog Friends, I scanned through the wiki to find the only frog Friends are the Keroro/Sgt.Frog crossover Friends, and they had no frog features on them, so I used Eruka's clothes to give her an extra bit of a frog motif.

Mizune - House Mouse: I don't think this one needs explanation

Azusa - Japanese Sparrowhawk: Azusa just has the vibe of a bird of prey to me, so I knew where to start. I also wanted to use a hawk or falcon that is not only Japanese but has enough black/otherwise dark areas that I wouldn't have to change her hair color that much.

Marie - Smooth Newt: Since her jast name (Mjolnir) derives from Norse mythology, I wanted to use an animal that lives in Scandinavia, specifically in/around Norway. And then I found out about the existence of the Smooth Newt. It has a range in Norway, has yellow and black in its color scheme like Marie does, and has an incredibly appealing name. Smooth Newt. (though I did want to use a sheep at one point, all the super fluffy ones were already taken)

Mira - Saharan Striped Polecat: This one was a bit trickier, as nothing really jumped out at me from the start, but because of her name and theming (Mira being close to Miira, the Japanese wourd for mummy, and her wearing bandages all over in combat), I wanted to choose a species that lived in or around Egypt (because that's the first country that comes to peoples minds when they think of mummies). The stripe pattern of the Saharan Striped Polecat also made it easy to incorporate her bandages and create a cohesive design that blended her original design in well.

[plush-rabbit]

Steady

Word Count: 2.4K

A/N: I didn't know I you wanted like All Might Toshi, or true form Toshi so I tried to keep it vague enough, I hopeˁ˙˟˙ˀ If you want maybe like a follow up with a specific state of Toshi, don't be scared to ask! Oh! I also changed the setting to a park because like again I didn’t know what type of Toshi you wanted or like arc since he's revealed after the fight with AFO:P Sorry it's a bit in the shorter side and that it’s a bit OOC!!ヾ(_ _*)

In through your nose and out through your mouth. Steady breathing for a steady run. Your shoes slap against the concrete, a dull sound accompanies the early day, a steady beat to the birds that are chirping and the idle chatter of the early commuters.

You stop by a lamp post, what once was a vibrant green is now dull from nature's effects, stickers litter the base, a few scratched off and others newly placed, and you turn your head to the side, your eyes observing your surroundings and once you give yourself the okay, you glance down at your phone, the time a minute away from 8:30. The seconds tick by, and you begin to stretch, twisting your back, your eyes shut tight, one peeking open when you turn to the side, shutting it tight when you see a golden crown of honey colored hair begin to approach.

You take a few deep breaths, feeling your lungs expand and sting with relief. You turn in your heel, the concrete scratching underneath, shocking you back into reality and with one more intake of air, you keep jogging, your pace steady once more.

There's something calming about running. It's a steady pace, sharp intakes of breath and the heat rising in and out of you. There's nothing scary about running, you aren't being chased, you aren't running away from anything, you are simply just running. But when you begin to take note of a fellow runner, someone who smiles bright and always makes small talk and who makes an effort to run near you, you begin to feel different about running.

You trust your instincts enough that you don't feel in danger near him, that he's pleasant to talk to even though he's loud, but there's something that itches in the back of your mind that you only ever do see him when you're running at your usual time. That he runs behind you for a minute or two before he catches up to you and begins idle chatter.

You hear his steps grow closer behind you. They're heavy and fast, but restrained. You're positive that he could outrun you if he wanted to. But he doesn't. Instead, he keeps a small distance behind, choosing to make himself hidden from you.

After the few times you realized when he was doing, you grew paranoid, you would glance back each time you made your way to the car, each time with keys digging into the sides of your fingers. But one day, when you stopped suddenly, just waiting to see if he would pass you by, that maybe it was all in your head, he bumps into you, and with such speed that you’ve never seen, he grabs onto your waist and you’re in a dipping position, and in the back of your mind, you think of the many rom-coms that you’ve seen, you wonder if you’ll see sparkles and flowers and the color pink when you open your eyes. But all you see when you open your eyes is a flustered blonde man, blue eyes contrasting sharply against his red skin. You can only mutter up a thanks, a simple one word that you trip over and he accidentally drops you. And then he’s frantic above you, waving his hands and bright, white teeth pulled into a frown and then he’s growing redder, and with a crowd forming around, watching the spectacle, they wonder what will happen, they watch but make no movement, phones are gripped tight in their hands, slowly rising and for fear of being caught in camera, a selfish part of you, one that shows its head too often takes over, you don’t want to be captured on camera when you look like a mess, when you have no control over what people will do with your photo, without permission even if they are trying to be helpful, and you grab his hand, clutch it around yours and you sprint, face red from rising heat and he keeps up with you, and when you stop, hands on knees, gasping for air and sticky with sweat, you introduce yourself. And he does the same. His name is broken with shallow breaths, avoiding eye contact. Toshinori Yagi.

You didn’t even realize what you’ve done until you’re in your car, the air conditioning stinging your lungs and body hot to the touch. You can’t even come up with an excuse as to why you dragged him along other than feeling bad that he was flustered himself and you didn’t want to leave him to the stares of strangers.

Afterwards, he decides to catch up to you, breathing deep but his face not even tinted pink and skin still pristine and sharp, you wonder if he even breaks a sweat when running. It starts off with simple hellos, then it moves into running next you, smiling wide and stretching with you, little jokes about the weather that are groan worthy but cute in a sort of dad joke way. 

It’s a running friendship, it started off strange and even though you’re still a bit wary of him, you run with him, you enjoy his company. You enjoy being around him. You enjoy his dry remarks when you’re hunched over, where you gasp for air and hold onto your chest, heart beating against your flesh, and he stands there, breathing heavy but not doubled over. You ask if he trains in his free time to have good stamina and he laughs, and with a hand, he slaps your shoulder and tells you to rest as much as he can and then he’s off.

It’s that moment where he forgets to hold back, where by the time you blink, he’s far away and he’s sprinting away, and it takes everything you have to catch up to him, your steps heavy and breath ragged and legs like aching and screaming for rest. You slap his shoulder, and with a wheezing, choked breath, you muster out, “On your left,” and can only make it a few more steps in front of him before you turn and collapse on the grass, the shade of the tree giving you brief relief before you feel your body weigh like lead. 

You hear steps approach and you open an eye to look at him stand above you, eyes filled with concern. He’s about to open his mouth but before any sound can come out, you speak.

“You,” you gasp for air, “suck.” and then in between gasps for air, you start laughing, tears bead in the corner of your eyes from the extra pain that the laughter brings. Your chest is rising and falling, face flushed and you look at him, a smile wide on his face, and a bead of sweat trailing down the side of his face.

He looks at you, eyes wide for a second before he starts chuckling in response and sits by your side, crossing his legs and looking sheepishly to the side. 

You smiling and the pain in your side dulls. You look up and the sky and move your hands across the grass, the blades folding underneath your touch and popping up and pricking the edges of your wrist.

“Can I ask you something?” You ask once you’ve calmed down, your body still hot and the grass underneath you scratching and prickling your exposed skin.You turn to face him, your throat dry and tongue heavy.

He nods, and stares at you, and underneath the tree with sunlight peeking out in between branches, you admit to yourself that he is handsome. 

“You’ve,” once you started, you trail off, not quite sure how to ask your question without sounding paranoid, “you’ve been like,” you pause and look away, “following me around for a while, right?”

From the way he straightens his posture and the red that takes over his pale skin, you already have your answer. He stammers out an explanation but it’s incoherent and gibberish.

“It’s fine.” Your words are strained and they don’t sound convincing. “I mean, it’s not fine, fine. It’s a bit uh, creepy, but like you haven’t like actually followed me in like other aspects of my life right? I feel like it would be hard not to notice you.” You come off nonchalant but with the way you grip and tear the grass underneath your palms he reads you perfectly.

“No!” He shouts loudly, before shrinking back into himself. He clears his throat. No, I just. I saw you running here one day but I was-”

“Too shy to approach?” You cut him off, sitting up and hunching over, choosing to play with the grass.

“I suppose so.”

“Well, that is a little less creepy, but I have to admit that like I’ve done the same thing. I mean, not running behind people but more like staring and turning away when they notice, I guess that’s pretty similar right?” The words come out before you even have time to think and you want to bite your tongue off.

“Creepy,” he breathes out like he’s just heard of it. “I never,” he stammers, “I mean, I should have guessed that it would have been seen as,” he pauses and makes a face, “creepy.”

You stare at the man sitting beside you. “Following people is sort of like one of the criteria for being creepy.”

He clenches his eyes shut and you can only guess at what’s running around his mind.

“I never meant for it to be creepy, I just,” he shakes his head, “I’m sorry. I just never knew how to approach you. I just wanted to talk for a second but,” He trails off, his sentence hangs in the air unfinished.

You chuckle at his response and shake your head. “Well, like if you prefer actually hanging out with me without the stalking, I’d be okay with it,” you sit up straighter and scratch your neck, “I mean, I think it’s a bit better than to actually chase me around.”

He perks up and with a steady hand, hands you his phone. You stick your tongue out as you type your number, adding a running emoji to your contact name, and sending yourself a message to add him. 

“Well, there, now we have each other’s number so like if you ever wanna run at a different time or like get coffee, you can always hit me up.” You turn away and a smile creeps up, and you feel like a schoolgirl asking out her crush even though this scenario is different but similar. It hurts your head to think about it too much.

“I know a place. I’m free Saturday.” A faint metallic taste fills his mouth.

“It’s a date.” You lie back in the grass and despite sitting around, your heart still pounds against you and the heat in your body has only risen, burning your face and the tips of your ears. 

You hear coughing, it’s sharp and sudden and it sounds wet. When you turn to ask if he’s all right, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining the green grass in between his legs. 

You shriek and hover your hands above him, speaking too fast for even you to understand, but he shakes you off, saying this is common occurrence, and he’s still for a minute, your fingers are arched, ready to grasp his shoulders but then his eyes widen and he’s no longer stoic, he’s laughing nervously and telling you that he has some condition and he changes right before your eyes, he goes from someone who seemed so nervous, so hesitant to touch you and now he’s loud and grasping your hands in his, he has a stretched smile, and you can only stare at the blood that rests on his chin and you pull your hands away, and reach into your fanny pack and pull out a napkin and hold it out. 

When he only stares at it, hands unmoving, eyes simply wide and blinking, you tilt his head up, scrunching your face when you feel blood and dab at his chin. 

You fold the stained napkin and press it into his palms. “If you say you’re fine, then i really have no choice but to believe you.”

“It happens when I get excited.” He spurts out without thinking.

You really didn’t know what to expect when you went out running, but you as sure hell didn’t expect this. You nod your head and smile at him. “Try not to get too excited during our date, huh,” you say teasingly, sticking your tongue out playfully at him.

He stiffens at your words and nods, ignoring the taste of metal that seems to be rising with every smile that you give to him.

WIth a low groan, you rise up from the ground and raise your arms above your head, your fingers reaching out, as if to touch the clouds that float above you. You flash him a quick smile and tell him that you'll be running at the same time tomorrow and to not be a stranger, and with a small wave you break off in a jog.

Once he's sure you're out of ear shot, Toshinori turns his head to the side quickly and spits out blood. The smell of iron fills his nose and he shakes his head, he covers his mouth with a free hand, the palm covered by the napkin that you gave to him, a wide toothy grin spreads across his face.

You stop a few feet away and turn your head, your hair swishishing and falling on your face and he winces on the innate want to brush your hair out of the way, to feel the softness of your skin.

"You say something Toshinori?" He can tell by your smile that you're aware of what you heard, and a quick glance to the side, your eyes meet his and narrow playfully, your smile growing.

He clears his throat and his hand twitches, he decides to keep his hand in place. He nods. "I'm fine! I'll see you tomorrow!" With a free hand he waves his hand.

You chuckle, and brush the stray hairs away from your face. "I'll see you tomorrow!" You return the wave and start jogging away from him.

He stares at your retreating form for a bit, and leans against the tree. He brings his hand down with a quick swipe of the chin. He smiles and slowly rises from the ground and begins his trek back to the campus.

[iphoenixrising]

Check, Please WIP: Part 1-4

AHL!Bitty

I’m going to hell, but… Parse, Bitty, and Jack or PB&J as I’ve seen it, have some wonderful stories in the fandom, and tbh I’ve come to look at Kent Parsons very differently thanks to a few. You can probably check them out on my Ao3 bookmarks and such. 

Notes: 

I know shit all about hockey but damn if I don’t love Check, Please! Not everything is accurate and some details are mine. Like, I’m just going to pretend the Bruins aren’t in Providence, and the Pawtucket Rebels are the AHL team. 

But then, what if Jack and Bits didn’t get that kiss at the end of Jack’s graduation? What if they just stayed the best of friends, pining away at one another until Kent Parson comes back into Jack’s life. Now it’s not just Jack pining, it’s Kent too :D

And, well, after winning the Championship his senior year, bringing that back to Samwell, Eric Bittle might just think he hasn’t had enough Hockey after all.

Really, it’s time to put up or shut up.

** Pro

Of all the things on Kent Parson’s Wish List (winning the Stanley Cup, being on a team he loves, playing hockey for the rest of his life, having a pet and Kit meets all those criteria for so much cute and cuddly), getting his friendship back on track with Jack Zimmermann hadn’t moved down from number 1, ever. 

Things changed after that disaster at his college frat house, then later in Zimm’s first season with the Falconers, Kent wasn’t sure it could even be a wish. 

When it came to hockey, things were always too easy. They never had to talk about it, about what they were doing on the ice. All of that just came like breathing. Parse and Zimms, Zimms and Parse. The whole Zimmermann-Parson No-Look One-Timer was never something they discussed, it was something that just happened. 

On the ice, they were unbeatable, just like in Juniors.

Off the ice...was a different story. 

(Sometimes he dreams about it, finding Jack passed out on the bathroom floor of the hotel, foaming at the mouth, panic and adrenaline hitting Kent hard when he’s pretty sure his best friend, the man he almost-kind of-sometimes loves, is going to die on this floor.)

Jack’s problem with pills started early, around the time he and Kent got serious enough to play for scouts that started coming around with the promise of watching the son of Bad Bob. 

(He was always partially to blame for Jack’s downfall. Kent had been the closest to Jack back then, had seen the signs, had tried to pull him back whenever he could, had been the one to ease Zimms down before every game, to be the one sitting in a corner with the bigger Canadian, running his hands over Jack’s shoulders and holding his hands, checking his breathing, helping him work through the anxiety.)

But, but!

That’s all old history, something Jack probably never wants to revisit ever again (because he cut you out of his life so well–), even when he makes it to the Falconers. 

(After that disaster at his school, well, no wonder.)

And Kent just has to deal with that, has to accept it finally, and just move on. 

(He could have been an Ace, just that fast, playing with Kent’s team of awesome guys. And fuck did it hurt when Jack turned him down flat...)

Until this little shit came along.

** 1

Eric Bittle realizes he’s severely messed up when he doesn’t kiss Jack Zimmermann at graduation. 

For two years, they’ve played hard hockey for Samwell, have gotten close, becoming best friends. They’ve held checking clinics, hugged tightly in cellys, watched boring as hell history documentaries on that god-awful green couch, and pulled each other back from the brink of insanity during midterms and finals. They’ve spent time in the kitchen with Bitty cooking and Jack working at the table. They’ve spent time outside in the quad, bullshittin’ like the oldest friends, chirpin’ back n’ forth like they’re two peas in a pod. 

Jack somehow started being his best friend without even trying. 

The last game showed him how close they’d become when he’s going through the empty rink, making it to the loading dock, just a flash of jersey leading him to Jack hunched over, tears in his eyes. 

The utter agony right there had gone through Bitty like lightning, driving him forward to hop up on the pallets Jack was sitting on, and wrap both arms around those wide shoulders, hold on to ‘im as tight as he can. 

“It ain’t your fault, Jack. You did so good with us. I’m so proud of you, honey, you have no idea. You worked so hard, so hard, Jack.”

“Bits,” is soft and sad, Jack choking a little, but those big arms come around him, crush him against Jack’s chest and the pads he’s still wearing. 

“I know, I know. Sometimes it just isn’t in the cards, no matter how hard we fight. You get that, don’t you? Sometimes it just is what it is.”

“I can’t–” accept that is what Jack wants to say. 

“I know it’s hard, but sometimes all the trainin’ and plannin’ and best of intentions just aren’t enough to tip the scales in your favor.”

And Jack seems to get something there, tightens his arms a little more, and holds on. 

It’s a little while later when Jack’s stopped shaking like a leaf, “I wanted to bring home a Championship. Wanted to make my mark on Samwell.”

“Of course you did–”

“Thought after all this time, everything I owe Samwell and the team, bringing me here, giving me this second chance–”

“Oh Jack,” at this juncture, Bittle’s head is under Jack’s chin. 

“I finally felt like I’d stopped fucking up,” is rough and dark in the quiet of the rink. “I thought coming to Samwell was a...a punishment. I dealt with it because I thought my life was going to start after, when I finished up my degree and got back into the Draft. But that’s...that’s not how it happened. My life started the minute I met you and the team and I remembered why the hell I love hockey so damn much in the first place.”

And if maybe a few slow, shameful tears escaped Bitty, well, no one would ever know.

But they got even closer as Jack’s graduation loomed, and Eric Bittle stayed in his own personal hell of loving Jack so much it ached, but helpless to stay away to protect himself. 

Instead, when Jack pauses at his door, Bits knows what he needs and finds space to lounge on Jack’s bed, scrolling through Twitter while Jack talks about the negotiations with NHL teams or works on his last assignments. 

Watching Jack pack his things, preparing for the Falconer’s training camp, getting ready for the next stage of his life, all of it makes Bits so dang proud and so sad at the same time.

But, well, nothin’ lasts forever, now does it.

When Jack ran all the way back to the Haus just to see him, just to pull him in hard for a desperate last hold, it was all Bits could do to stop from sobbing his heart out.

“–and you’re coming to Providence this summer to stay with me for a while, and-and I’ll be down when I can. You’re going to Skype me all the time. Bits, promise me. All the time.”

“Okay, Jack. Okay.”

Something soft in French that he has no idea what it could possibly mean, but he absolutely imagines Jack pressing a kiss in his hair. 

“I’m sorry, Bits, but I have to go. I...I’ll text you, okay?”

“Okay,” is more watery than he’d like, but he can look up in Jack’s blue, blue eyes and at least feel warm that he’s had this man for as long as he has. When Jack’s hands slide out of his, he somehow doesn’t feel like he’s losing anything at all. 

** 2

And just like that, Jack takes a step in his life he never could have predicted. Like an hour away instead of across the hall is enough to keep holding on, enough that Jack comes to Madison over the summer, enough that he asks Bitty to show him how to use FaceTime and SnapChat. 

It’s enough for Jack to pick him up off his feet every time they meet up and bury his face in Bitty’s hair. It’s enough for Jack to Skype almost nightly while he’s tuckered out in his bed, talking about the joys and pitfalls of being a professional athlete. 

It’s enough that he gets to meet the Falconers long before preseason starts, and the amount of pies he brings is literally obscene.

(It all works out just fine in the end because he goes home with the empty pans. Not a single slice left.)

It’s enough when Jack talks more about life than hockey sometimes, and Bitty is utterly helpless to stop any of it. And it’s funny, he thinks, how he was sure Jack would just flitter out of his life after a while. That they would be reduced to a Skype call once a week maybe when they find the time, then once a month, then not at all, moving into texting once and a while until Jack would be nothing more than one of his best memories of Samwell. 

It’s funny how he thought Jack moving into the NHL, moving to Providence, moving out of the Haus, moving on with his life, would mean also moving on from Eric Bittle.

And my, how wrong he was about all that.

Watching Jack play with the Falconers from the stands with the Stanley Cup on the line is not really where he’d thought he’d be once Jack had graduated. 

But, if anything else, they’ve gotten even closer than before. 

And when the buzzer finally sounds and the Falconers win it, he’s among the crowd running out on the ice for the biggest celly of the year. 

Jack spots him immediately, grabs him up with a victorious roar, and skates around people holding Bitty like a favorite toy until Tater scoops him up from Jack yelling about “Nook pies!”

Marty skates by him, ruffling his hair with something twinkling in his eye. Thirdy hauls him up, too, though Bitty has no idea why all these hockey players are just throwing him around when they’ve just won the Stanley Cup, but he still thinks it’s awful nice of them to include him in their celebration.

He doesn’t go back to Georgia for the summer after all or the next one before he starts his senior year, but goes between staying in Jack’s guest room and the Haus instead. His Mama’s not happy about it at all, but he’s a grown man, so that’s all she can say about that.

So Bitty passes the summer of his Senior year training with Jack or at Faber when the ice is up for grabs, works on some chapters for his someday cookbook, and continues his vlog so everyone can see how superior filo is to choux in the right circumstances.

With the season over after winning the Cup, Jack is over at the Haus more than ever if Bitty’s not in Providence already staying in his guest room. 

It should be strange to answer the door at the Haus on Saturday morning during the summer and see Jack there in his trainers, sweats, and t-shirt, wanting to hang out for the day after he’d put in a few hours at the Falc’s stadium already. 

(“C’mon, Bits. Can’t slack during the summer. You’re the captain. Set an example.”

“Jack, it’s summer. Leave me alone until at least nine am for goodness sake!”

“Not going to happen, bud.”)

It should be strange riding the train or in the passenger seat of Jack’s SUV on their way to Providence while he fiddles with the music and Jack doesn’t complain about the selection. 

It should be strange to wake up on Jack’s couch, laying on a broad shoulder with a heavy arm flopped around Bitty’s waist and logs being sawed in his ear.

It should be strange to know Jack’s kitchen better than the back of his hand, and to be giddy every time there’s a new utensil bought with him in mind.

(“Jack, why in the world would you need a dough scraper of all things?” “Not for me, Bits.”

“O-Oh!”

“Yeah. Thank Tater. He went with me this time. He held up that and said, ‘oh does B have one of these? It looks important.’ I didn’t know so I bought it in case.”)

It should be strange to see Jack’s Skype requests almost every night before bed, or have his former captain sprawled out in Bitty’s full sized bed once Lardo, Ransom, and Holster are already moved out and the new Waffles are well into the first semester of his senior year.

(“Good Lord, Jack, scoot over!”

“Mm.” Jack scootches maybe a foot more so Bitty can climb in beside him, already yawning. “Comfy, bud?”

“Gettin’ there,” and he absolutely ignores how much easier he falls asleep when Jack throws a heavy arm over him.)

It should be strange for Jack to whip him on up in a big hug when he admits the boys voted him as the Captain, and Jack breathes out, “damn right,” too close to his ear.

(“I don’t know if I can do this, Jack.”

“Too bad, Bits. Looks like you’re already doing it.”)

It should be strange for Jack to chirp him about his thesis, about his struggle with Whiskey, about why this darn strudel just won’t turn out right.

(“Jaques Laurant Zimmermann, do not make me ground you from pie.”

“Haha. I know you wouldn’t do that, bud.”

“Oh? Don’t be so sure, Mister.”)

It should be strange to get an earful when his new video comes out and Jack had no idea the jam war was that serious while Bitty has been supplying the Falconers for nearly a year. 

(“Are you kidding? Aunt Judy is really that upset?”

“You have no idea, honey. It’s almost World War III down there.”

“Good thing you’re stuck at Samwell.”

“Good thing is right! I don’t want any part of that mess.”)

But somehow it never is. Strange, that is, to have Jack so much. Even though nothing could happen between them (“Never fall for a straight boy.”), Bitty still can’t let go of Jack, can’t deny him, can’t tell him no, can’t be the one that fails to respond when Jack reaches out for him. 

Even when Kent Parson shows up at a Falcs game and cheers himself hoarse, screams for Jack right there on live TV.

And while trying to get through his dang senior year, trying to get his team to the Eastern Conference, he watches how Jack and Kent start to move back in one another’s orbit.

...which is probably why he doesn’t tell Jack anything about the scouts from the AHL coming to see him after the game with Princeton.

** 3

The Pawtucket Rebels manager, Michael McLean, is the one that meets Bitty with a Standard Player Contract the morning he gets back from Jack’s place when they’re going to be starting in the Frozen Four if they win the next two games.

The weekend away was nice, but he hadn’t been expecting Jack’s intention to introduce him to Kent Parson of the Las Vegas Aces. 

“We’ve already met,” Bitty had filled in, still shaking Kent’s hand with a distant smile on his face, “at the Haus party when he swung on by.”

“Not my best moment,” the Captain admits sheepishly, eyes not meeting Bitty’s, and dang it if the boy ain’t at least a little bit cute. 

“I suppose we all have our days,” Bits just drawls out and gives him a wink. He holds out the plate of fresh cookies as some kind of peace offering. 

The weekend was still nice, being caught up in Kent’s manic energy and Jack’s easy acceptance. But, he starts seeing the signs pretty easily, when Jack’s hand goes to Kent’s shoulder after a good joke, the exchanged glances that linger, the slowly dwindling personal space that used to be there for them. How they start finishing each other’s sentences, and oh, doesn’t it just make his heart give a little beat when he sees them both happy. 

(But doesn’t that just break it at the same dang time. Not only does Jack like men, but he’s already got his sights set on his old boyfriend. It’s almost enough to make a grown man cry. Bitty consoles himself after breaking down in his room on Sunday when Jack and Kent dropped him off at the Haus. Only Senor Bun knew how much he’d ugly cried himself out that night.)

When Mr. McLean gives him the contract to peruse and a business card with his information circled in blue pen, Bitty almost picks up his phone to call Jack, talk about what he would need other than a lawyer to go over this thing. 

He thinks about Kent and calls Coach and Mama the next morning instead, promises to send scanned copies of the contract. Mama asks if this is something he really wants to think about doing after graduation. 

“It’s money, Mama, a lot of money, and who knows? Hockey might not be outta my heart just yet. I’ll still have time for everything else.”

He only feels a little bit bad when Jack Skypes him on a roadie, set-up in a hotel, asks how his darn thesis is going, and promises to be at the next home game. 

Kent joins the call while Bits is slid down all snug and sleepy-eyed, kids around with him by making kissy faces. 

“College is brutal, Bits. You aren’t sleeping enough.”

“Well, now that’s life, ain’t it?”

Bitty knows something’s going on between them because Kent is shaking a finger at the screen and lecturing him about procrastination while Kit snoozes on. He’d only known if Jack told him about it.

“Bits, your thesis is basically about baking. Baking is the thing you love that isn’t hockey.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier,” Bitty slurs tiredly, wondering how he’s talking to the man that’s swiping his unrequited crush right out from under him even though he doesn’t even feel too bad about it. Not when he sees how good Kent is for Jack now, even if that hadn’t always been the case.

(Long as it makes Jack happy, I can endure it. It’s tough, but I’m tougher.)

But really. Kent Parson is so different from his image as the Captain of the Aces, Bitty can’t help but genuinely like the man. 

“I’m so jealous. I love peppermint cookies and I’ve never gotten any sent to me!”

Sleepy time Bitty makes a note of that even when the world fuzzes out a little bit more.  

“God, he’s so cute, Zimms.”

“Euh. He really is, Kenny. We should hang-up and let him sleep.”

Or he might of just dreamed that part.

The Aces have a hard game coming up, and he’s got his outline done, so the Haus is finally going to let him alone long enough to bake one single, solitary pie. In the middle of it, he certainly doesn’t expect Jack to show up with a six pack of Molson Blue, apparently assuming they’re going to watch it together and cheer on Kent.

“But I expect you to cheer for the Falcs when it comes down to us and the Aces, Bits.”

“Oh honey, I always root for the underdog anyhow.”

The chirp makes Jack flop back on his bed and laugh hard enough for tears to be in his eyes. Bitty just goes back to the Aces on his laptop and drinks Jack’s awful beer with a smirk.

He stirs a little from sleep to Jack talking softly beside him in bed since “It’s too late to drive back to Providence tonight. Move over, bud.”

He mutters something maybe, sighing instead when fingers comb through his hair. 

“That W was perfection, Parse. You were skating your best life out there, eh?...sleeping right now. Yeah, senior year is a pain in the ass...you bet I miss you. Three weeks, we’ll be close enough to Vegas...yeah, I’ll try to get him to come along, but the Wellies are getting closer to the Championship...he would kill to bring it home for the boys.”

But he probably imagined all that, too. 

Still, he’s got a short break before the next round of games, and just five days until his deadline to let Mr. McLean have his answer when Jack shows up at the Haus and is apparently confused why Bitty isn’t packed for Vegas.

“What do you mean we’re going to Las Vegas, Jack?!” Because this is the first he’s heard about it, and how does Jack already have a plane ticket for him?

“Come off it, bud. If I go there without you, Kenny will never forgive me.”

“How does he even know I don’t have a game?” He frets while putting sleep shorts in a suitcase, wonders if he should bring one of his suits since Jack is already wearing one. 

Jack’s brows scrunch together, “Don’t you talk to him on that–that bird one? All the time? He says he always reads your updates.”

He pauses with a pair of boxer briefs and gives Jack his very best unimpressed expression, “Jack, sweet pea, please tell me you didn’t just refer to Twitter as that bird one?” He carefully does not say anything about Kent Parson checking his Twitter updates.

The soft smile and shrug in reply answers that now doesn’t it.

“I swear, what would you do without me,” he sighs, a little throb of love getting caught in his chest, and he just busies himself right on past it, going for at least one pair of flip flops probably buried under mounds of winter gear. 

“Honestly? If I didn’t have you these last few years, maybe it would have been like what happened when I was in the Q,” Jack leans back on his elbows on Bitty’s bed, right beside the suitcase he’s quickly trying to pack. Being stuck between two button-ups, biting his bottom lip because he’s already bringing so much takes a backseat when Jack mentions the days he was in Juniors, and Bitty feels his eyebrows raise. 

“When we started checking clinics, you and me, that was the most...balanced I ever started feeling after all that. The, ah, overdose. That...that might have been where I ended up if it hadn’t been for you and Samwell.”

With a breath (because Lord, here was Jack finally talking about it, in such a soft tone, his eyes so very blue, and just! Well, he’s not made of stone and this is Jack), he scoots the suitcase back and plops right down on the bed, reaching for Jack’s hand. He carefully looks at the closed door and rubs those big fingers with his thumb.

“You honestly think you would have made those same mistakes without me, Jack?” He tries to be nice about it, “because I sure as heck don’t.”

His fingers tighten around Bitty’s, a squeeze, a soft thank-you.

“I mean, I didn’t know you back then, so I can’t say who you were, but there are some parts of that Jack left in the one I know now. And the Jack I know now is someone that knows how to lead his team, and takes care of them, who knows how to inspire them. The Jack I know got up extra early just to help this hopeless case learn to overcome his fear and be able to play hockey better than he ever could have before. You helped me not just be able to take the check, but I’m a captain, a center, and I earned it because of you. The Jack I know is selfless in so many ways and selfish in just the right ones, and dang it, he’s my best friend, so you better not say anything else like that about him again.”

The bed shifts under him when Jack sits up, a big hand coming up to palm the side of Bitty’s face so Jack can lean his forehead in, look straight at him from just inches away with those stupidly big blue eyes, and be so warm and just Jack. 

“You were never hopeless, Bits,” and with his voice that low, being this close, Bitty feels his cheeks getting warm, his eyes helplessly sliding down to Jack’s mouth.

The errant thought Vegas, we’re going to Vegas shakes him out of the moment, and he pats Jack’s forearm, gently pulling back from the very intense, heart-stopping moment where his brain almost killed him when it told him to just go on and kiss Jack.

But his brain also knows it would probably be the last thing he’d ever do with Jack because Jack has Kent for that now, doesn’t he?

Mentally shaking himself, Bitty stands quickly, goes back to his suitcase, “All right, now for heaven’s sake, Jack, help me here. I’ve never been to Las Vegas–”

And it’s not nearly as hot in Georgia as it is in Las Vegas when they get off the plane, but everything else about it is incredible. 

(He doesn’t think about how nice it was to ride next to Jack on the plane, talking strategy and the team, the upcoming games and new plays they might bring to the ice. It’s nice to hear about the Falcs eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with hollers for more. The pies never last long and cookies are always a favorite.)

He might have worried for about a minute, fiddling with the Uber app on his phone to update his location, but Jack just lays a hand on his back and guides him out of the terminal. 

“Don’t worry about it, Bits, we’ve got a ride.”

And standing by a stunning red Ferrari is Kent Parson himself, grinning wide under his sunglasses.

“Oh my,” even if it’s a little breathless, he gives himself an out here because wow, it’s a nice car. 

(And he is not at all looking at Kent’s bare arms or muscled calves. Absolutely not. He’s already got one heartache, thank-you very much.)

He still squeaks a little when Kent literally picks him up off his feet and swings him around.

“There’s my guys! Falconers and Rebels!” Kent yells for half the airport to hear. 

Jack blinks and Bitty groans softly.

Those blue eyes aren’t accusing him of anything, but it’s that same confused look when he tries to figure out if the next song is Destiny’s Child or Queen Bey herself.

“Rebels?”

He doesn’t wince, but it’s a close thing.

“I’ll...tell you about it later.” He waves off, deflecting perfectly, and snaps up his luggage again now that he’s on his feet.

“Oh,” Kent looks from him to Jack and back to him, and his mouth opens probably to say something else no one else needs to hear.

“Thank-you for coming to pick us up, by the way,” he starts rambling right on, “I’ve never been to Las Vegas before. And we’re even going to watch a game? How exciting! Should I make something for your team? A good luck something maybe? Is there a grocery store close to your house? Can we stop? Maybe I could do a few apple pies and a strawberry one...?”

“You can make me food all day, B,” Kent smiles so wide and white down at him and just swipes his bag right up out of Bitty’s hand like it weighs nothing at all. “My favorite pie is peach, just in case you were wondering.”

Bitty slaps him right on the arm, absolutely offended. “Kenneth Virgil Parson the Third, like I wouldn’t already know what your favorite pie is! Why of all the nerve!”

And that is how Bitty talked himself right out of the AHL conversation with Jack. At least, for the time being. 

**

In the end, he makes two apples, two strawberries, and three peach pies, one for Kenny to keep at home.

Jack mutters under his breath about the Falcs needing a peach pie, and Bitty can absolutely do that once they get back home. 

The boys are wonderful at keeping him company in Kent’s big kitchen while he works, staying out of his way unless he directs them. 

“It’s not going to be a super exciting game. The Schooners are old rivals since before I came to the Aces,” Kenny shrugs, fish oven mitts on, and his own apron is really just Kit’s face blown up on a white background.

But the man’s fish oven mitt is–

Wait for it

– named Fish.

Because Kent is a master at naming things, obviously.

Kit Puurson is laying on the kitchen table from where Bitty banished her from walking along the counters while he’s baking.

“Now, don’t sell it short, sugar pie,” Bitty replies absently, makes the lattice on the last pie perfect. The A in the center is going to be great once the pie finishes baking. “It’s going to be exciting to see you play live no matter what.”

“Aw,” and Kent is smiling all nice at him now that he probably knows Bitty’s not gunning for his boyfr- for Jack, “you’re just saying that because it’s true.”

“Of course I am, Kent. It is true.”

“Any time you get bored of watching the Falcs, all you have to do is call me, Bits. I’ll have you on a plane in a hot minute,” and Bitty has to look over at him for that because it might have been a chirp at Jack, but the tone was a lil’ too serious for his taste.

“Who knows, Mister Parson, I might take you up on that someday.”

(When hell freezes over.)

“I hope so, Bits,” Kent’s eyes go to the masterpieces on the counter waiting for their turn in the oven, “I really hope so.”

*

At the game later that night, before the Aces take the ice, Bitty gets a Snap from Kent Parson. 

All the pie pans are licked clean. Not a crumb in sight.

Bitty sighs in unmitigated relief.

Even though he feels strange not wearing a Falconers or Samwell jersey when he’s at a hockey game, he can’t blame Jack for leaving their home team merchandise back in Providence. 

Earlier, Kent had tugged an Ace's jersey over his head and landed a cap as the cherry on top, winking at him while Jack was busy grumbling to himself about something or other. 

It feels odd to have someone’s name across his back other than his own (or frankly Zimmermann because Jack already gave him two hoodies and several other Falcs shirts, which was real kind of him, and they’re such nice clothes!), but his Mama would fly up from Georgia and whoop his butt good if she knew he’d refused a gift from a celebrity. 

So, even with Jack scowling, he accepts the jersey and hat for the game tonight.

He and Jack find their seats, right behind the bench, and it looks like they can finally settle in.

Jack keeps a running monologue of stats and predictions, leaning in to Bitty while eating the carrot sticks they'd packed in so Jack wouldn't be tempted with junk food.

This boy and his rigid schedule of cheat days. Honestly.

And Bitty is content to talk hockey and the upcoming season, is content to talk about the Samwell team and the next game coming up. 

He gets to watch Kent and the Aces make an opening lap around the rink to wave at their fans, laughs at the finger guns right in their direction.  

He settles on in to watch what will probably be a good game no matter what Kent said earlier, and of course, Jack chooses then to bring it up.

"Are you going to tell me about the Rebels anytime soon?” Jack is watching the game when he finally says it, something in his tone of voice that sounds a little closer to mad.

Bitty looks over, guilty as sin, and Jack looks back, all kind of calm.

“I...I didn’t make a decision or anything–” he starts then turns away from those blue eyes. “I-I should go get us something to drink! Jack, what do you want to–”

He’s halfway out of his chair, but Jack’s hand on his wrist stops him, pulls him back down to his seat.

“Don’t be mad!” Bitty sighs, loud and long, “I didn’t even know what to do when Mr. McLean came to see me.”

Jack hums, “You could have called your best friend who happens to be a professional hockey player.”

“That will be enough chirps outta you, Mister Zimmermann. You were already having a time with the changes to your medication, and I didn’t want to add anything else to your list.”

Jack guffaws at him, “that was two months ago, Bits, and my anxiety is under control. You could have told me anytime since then.”

“Well, I–” and Bitty has a moment where his mouth almost runs right away with him, and he almost tells Jack they ain’t datin’ so not everything has to be out in the open.

“You?”

And even though Kent has the puck, Jack’s eyes are all for Bitty.

“Jack,” he sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“You can tell me anything. You know that, right bud?” And that line between his eyebrows lets Bitty know Jack is actually concerned.

“Of course, Jack, I...I just. I don’t know, you’ve got your own career to worry about, and I don’t even know if I still want to play hockey after graduation, nonetheless with a team in the AHL.” He shrugs lamely, pretty sure Jack probably thinks he’s an idiot.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Bits. You don’t have to make a decision right away.”

“Well, I’ve got about five days until he wants to know if I accept their offer,” Bitty rubs the back of his neck, cheeks pink. 

“Oh. Well, you should let me read the contract anyway, eh? At the very least, it could help you make a decision if the offer isn’t for much.”

“If– I mean, if you want to? That would be real nice.”

“Euh. Tomorrow morning after my run, we’ll look at it.” Jack gives a sharp nod like he’s accomplished something, pats Bitty on the shoulder, and goes back to the game, just as pleased as pie.

**

The win was really something for the Aces, and he gets to meet Swoops, Poots, Scrappy, and Gopher when Kent tells them the baker of the pies is at the game.

“Oh my God, I ate like three pieces,” Swoops pats him on the shoulder and laughs.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it!”

“Oh totally. Gopher can’t help himself around sweets, so you might get a marriage proposal if you aren’t careful.”

“O-oh my! That’s mighty sweet, but I would hate to have to break his poor heart.” Bitty laughs a little and doesn’t notice how Jack’s eyes narrow. 

It’s entertaining as all get out when Jack groans at the amount of chirps he’s already gotten for being a Falc instead of an Ace.

“He’s got important...things in Rhode Island,” Kent had finally said to his team, which Bitty did not understand at all.

(But, it does make sense. Jack wants to stay close to Shitty and everyone from Samwell. He couldn’t be part of their nearly everyday lives if he had joined the Aces.)

They drop by Kent’s house to change clothes, and head out to celebrate the victory with the team, and all that fluttering around his room at the Haus is suddenly worth it when he looks damn good in his button-up with a black tank top underneath and a pair of shorts that look like they’ve been painted on his ass.

When he comes downstairs, Kent wolf whistles and Jack gets red in the face.

“Are you sure–” Jack starts, a little stuttery that makes Bitty preen.

“Mister Zimmermann, it’s best you do not finish that sentence,” Bitty snipes with his nose in the air.

It’s absolutely satisfying when two very cute boys dance with him at the club, grinding on him and having a heck of a good time.

He doesn’t notice Jack’s sour face until the third or fourth song in, and by then, Kent is making his way through the crowd. 

The hand on his arm pulls him out from between two different boys, and Bitty is just about to give whoever it is what for, but Kent just shifts to grip his hips and pulls him in, back-to-chest. 

And Lord help him, Kent is an amazing dancer. How does he even get himself into these things?

** 

Watching his favorite person, favorite people, dance is giving Jack too many Ideas.

He already has plenty when it comes to Bits. Even more when it comes to Kenny since they have history to fall back on, but for Kenny and Bits? His brain might shut down because Jack is even more invested in that. 

(Kenny hasn’t said anything, but Jack knows him, knows what the look in those eyes means when he watches Bitty. Instead of Kenny trying to talk him into asking Bitty for a date, maybe Jack should be trying to do the same. Or-or talking about if all three of them…?)

As is, Jack has a lot more thinking to do after this trip.

“I swear I take care of him as much as he lets me,” Jeff is saying, “it’s not like it’s his first year anymore. He’s way past all that, Jack.”

“I know,” Jack downs his beer, tries not to be too irritated at Swoops because of the attitude. Since he and Kenny have been talking again, he knows more about that first year with the Aces and Kenny’s struggles after the Draft than he’d wanted to know at the time. He hadn’t wanted to focus on the difficulties his best friend was having with a new career as a professional athlete, was more concerned about getting himself through rehab. 

He’s been finding out about those struggles and bad times, feels better knowing about all the things he’d missed out on back then because that means Kenny is talking to him again.

(“You cut me out!” Still haunts Jack sometimes when he thinks about how he did that to his best friend, his other half. At the time, it had seemed like a trade he didn’t have any other choice but to make, give up his best friend for the chance to get better.)

Jeff was the Ace Kenny billeted with his first year, and the two are close. Maybe even closer than Jack and Kenny had been in the Q. 

He doesn’t deserve to be jealous of that, but somehow, he still is.

“I did him wrong when he was in the Draft,” Jack finally admits to Swoops, “and I’m glad he had you and the team there when he needed you. I just...I just want to make sure he’s okay. Kenny means a lot to me.”

Swoops raises a brow over the beer he’s drinking. “He was pretty torn up over you that first year, Zimmermann. If I could have, I would have found you and punched you right in the nose for that kid.”

Jack shrugs a shoulder, “would have deserved it.”

“Yeah, yeah you would have,” but it seems like the salt has gone out of Jeff’s spine, and he slumps down in his seat across from Jack. “I had to tell the team not to mention your name for a long time. Not gonna lie, when you got picked for the Falcs, I drove over to his place and stayed the night in case he had a breakdown.”

And oh does that hit Jack right in the heart. 

“But, he was...not okay but okay? He was happy for you, is the point.”

Jack’s heart twists painfully at that, “Euh. He’s a better friend than I deserve.”

“You know, he told me about going to your college, right?”

Jack looks Swoops in the face, thinks he might get a little more clarity about that night of the Epikegster.

“Yeah, he did,” because Jeff can read the tell me more on Jack’s face, “and he beat himself up about it for months. Told me he ran off at the mouth because he was angry at you. Hell, you weren’t even happy to see him.”

At the time, no. No, he wasn’t. 

“It was...a shock. We both said some pretty harsh things, I think. But, we’ve come a long way since then.”

“I’d say so. He can say your name without looking like he’s going to start crying now at least.”

Kenny…

“I’m not going to do that again,” Jack feels like he needs Jeff to know this. “He’s stuck with me this time, eh?”

Swoops laughs and raises his glass for Jack to tap with his own, “here’s hoping, Zimmermann. Here’s hoping. But hey, at least he has someone to help pick-up the pieces.”

**

Kent manages to get them through the throng of people at the bar and get them bottles of water, bracketing Bitty in with his arms to keep people around from jostling them.

They’re both sweaty and panting after the last song, and Bitty doesn’t even know how he managed to survive pretty much humping a professional hockey player on the dance floor without embarrassing himself.

“That was so fun,” Kent leans down to talk in his ear since they’re so close to the music, “can we dance some more?”

“Of course we can, honey,” Bitty tilts so he’s talking in Kent’s ear, and it presses them closer together, “but do you need to check in with your team?”

The laugh is low against his neck and Bitty almost, almost shudders.

“My guys are big boys, Bits. They’ll be fine without me mother-henning them to death.”

“Well, all right then, handsome. You’d better get me on out on that dance floor before someone else does!”

And it’s another song or so before they get a slow one. Kent manages to maneuver them into a corner, and pulls Bits in for a slow dance.

“Lord, that was fun,” Bitty doesn’t think much of it, his hands around Kent’s neck. “I don’t think I’ve had this much fun in a while.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” and Kent gives him that big ole’ smile that makes his whole face light up, and Bitty can’t really blame just one bit for just how cute Kent is in that moment. “I’m glad you came with Jack, Bits.”

“Me too. I had reservations with how close we’re getting to playoffs, but I’m glad I could take the time.”

The hands on his hips squeeze once, and Kent’s face falls, his eyes darting away.

Bitty moves a hand from around his neck to his face and turns him right on back. “Hey, what is it? Should we go?”

“N-no, no. I was just–” and Kent looks back at him with a frown, leans in a little to talk quieter. “Do you still hate me? From when I came to your college?”

And oh. Oh my.

Well, looks like they’re going to have this talk, aren’t they?

“I mean, it’s okay if you do. I was...a dick, okay? I was a complete and total dick. Zimms and I talked about it some, so-so he gets why I said some of the things I said because I mean, he just–and-and I… There’s a lot is all I’m saying. It was awful, not-not all of it, but therapy kind of helps a little? Sometimes it helps I mean, dealing with it when I found him like that, and then later when Big Bob–”

Bitty gently puts a hand over Kent’s mouth to shush him on up. 

“Kent, honey,” he tries softly, misses how those eyes get wide above his hand, “I understand how someone can say mean things when feelings are hurt, and it seems like you and Jack have mended fences since then, right?”

Kent nods without dislodging his hand, but his eyes are shiny and just oh, that poor boy. Jack had talked to him about those days back in Quebec with Kent Parson as his right-hand man, Bitty knows Kent is the one that saved Jack’s life during that overdose. He knows how quiet and strained Jack’s voice gets when he talks about it, can only imagine how terrified Kent had been finding him, performing CPR, getting him to the hospital in Bad Bob Zimmermann’s car.

He can’t touch that painful past for either of them, wishes sometimes he can give that back when he hears how wistful Jack sounds, sees how Kent sometimes looks like he has regrets. No, Bitty can’t fix their past for them, give them back their innocent days, but he can help the people they are in the here and now, can’t he?

“Well, that’s good to hear. What’s really important is that you don’t do that again, all right? Don’t take your anger out on Jack even if he might deserve it sometimes, and don’t ever say those horrible things to him again. Okay?”

Kent blinks at him and his eyes go softly half-mast. He finally nods with Bitty’s hand still over his mouth.

“Good. Then, we’re all fine, right?”

Another nod and a squeeze to his hips.

“Wonderful. Now Mister Parson, we are going to finish this song and then go back to your boys to celebrate. Maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll play ‘Crazy in Love’ later because that is one of my favorites.” He takes his hand away and grins up at Kent while his heart beats harder at the soft smile looking down on him.

“Good plan, B. If they play it, you can only dance with me, okay?”

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I refuse?”

Sure enough, the DJ plays ‘Crazy in Love’ and Bitty is pretty sure Kent’s the one that asked for it. That absolutely doesn’t mean he gives it any less ass shaking than it rightfully deserves.

**

He’s happy to see Jack laughing with Swoops and Poots when they finally tear themselves away from dancing, and Bitty absolutely refuses to drink whatever fruity thing Kent offers him because he’s not twenty-one quite yet, thank-you very much Mister Parson.

But the Aces are so nice when they leave, thanking Bitty again for his victory pies. He waves them off and doesn’t mind Jack’s hand at the small of his back when Kent guides them out.

(Later that night, he pretends he doesn’t hear Jack get up off the couch and walk down the hall to Kent’s room and softly close the door. But at that point, he’s not sure if he’s still a little jealous, or even who he’s really jealous of if he’s honest with himself.)

He eventually gets a few hours of sleep, and still wakes up god-awful early anyhow.

Since he’s been in this kitchen for three days already, he automatically puts on coffee and pulls out what he’s going to need to feed two big hockey players. 

He doesn’t even register Kent in the doorway watching him until the first cup of coffee is gone and the second is on the way there.

“Oh my Lord!” He fairly screams when he notices Kent watching.

“Sorry,” is totally unrepentant, the ass.

“You sure look it!” Bitty chirps back after his heart has climbed down out of his throat. “Goodness sakes, were you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Nah, you just look cute in my kitchen, all busy and stuff. I like it.”

And well, that just takes the words right out of his mouth, so he goes back to make sure the bacon doesn’t burn while the quiche cools.

“Bits?!”

Jack is flustered and drenched from the shower, skittering almost right on the ground. He’s only got a towel around his waist and his hair is all over the place.

Bitty can resolutely say it’s the best morning in the history of mornings because that towel is awful short and Jack’s legs are awful long.

“I’m sorry! He just surprised me, we’re fine!” Bitty flaps his hands to shoo Jack out of the doorway. “Go on now and finish your shower. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Jack wipes water out of his eyes from his dripping hair and looks down at him silently.

“I promise, Jack. Go on now. Shoo! Naked is for the bathroom and the locker room.”

The slow grin is really just the nail in the coffin because no man should be that beautiful, it’s really not fair to the gay population. 

A glance at Kent’s shit-eating grin and he has to silently amend that statement. No men should be this beautiful.

While Jack trucks back down the hall, Bitty grabs paper towels to sop up the water he’d trailed, giving them up to Kent when he gets a frown for trying to clean up.

He tisks to himself and pours Kent a cup of coffee, mixing in the right amounts of cream and sugar, hands it to him when he throws away the wet paper towels.

He puts the bacon on another paper towel to get some of the grease while Kent sits down with his coffee. 

“I had so much fun last night. I can’t thank-you enough for taking us.” As he puts the quiche in the middle of the table.

“I had fun, too, B. Most the guys won’t dance no matter what, and you are awesome.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, sugar pie.”

Kent laughs at him, but reaches out to grip Bitty’s wrist before he can go back to the stove, “but, just so I know...you really don’t hate me anymore, right? We’re friends now?”

Oh, this must be the I need to tell you as Jack’s friend that me and him are datin’ talk. Lord, help him get through this conversation.

“Now, Kent. I already told you last night as long as you don’t hurt Jack like that again and have significantly groveled, we’re all fine.”

“Yeah, I know, but I mean, you and me. We’re fine, too, right?”

“Why of course we are.”

“Okay. Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure.”

Bitty pats Kent’s hand with the free one, “and you already know you can talk to me about anything, right? If things like that are bothering you, you can talk them out with me before you go and say something like that again, okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Bits.”

“You’re welcome, Kent.”

He retracts his hand with another pat and goes back for the bacon, waiting for the something else that might be on Mr. Parson’s mind.

“Bits?”

Mmhm. There is it. “Yes, Kent?”

“You...can call me Kenny, too...I mean, if you want.”

The bacon plate in hand, and Bitty turns to look at the pink cheeks on Kent Parson, the way he doesn’t meet Bitty’s surprised eye.

(Even with all his team and the press coverage, he’s only ever heard Jack call Kent ‘Kenny.’)

“All right then, Kenny,” and oh is he grinning, thinking about chirping him just for fun. “I think we’re just about ready for breakfast.”

Nothing else comes of it, and Bitty’s not sure if he’s relieved or not.

 **

Jack slowly, methodically reads through the scans of the Rebels contract he’s got back at Samwell. Kent reads over his shoulder, eyebrows squinty in concentration.

Lord, they look so cute like that. It’s really surprising no one else has picked up on the dating yet because these two are absolutely transparent.

“So–”

He gets twin wait a minute fingers. 

“Well fine then,” and he meanders in the kitchen to see if maybe he should make those peppermint cookies after all. 

A batch later and both boys come on in and sit at the table with the tablet between them.

Bitty absolutely puts the cookies in the middle and pours glasses of milk. Kent looks from the plate to him with wide eyes. 

Two seconds later, he’s already demolishing his third.

Boys.

“All right, you two. Give me the low-down.” Bitty waves a hand over his shoulder and starts washing up dishes.

Jack tells him how it seems to be a right fair offer for a rookie hockey player. The money could be better, but well, it ain’t too shabby. 

Bitty sighs because the money is utterly obscene. More than his scholarship to Samwell for all four years.

Kent has no problem finishing Jack’s thoughts when he trails off, longer in the profession than Jack. He gives more examples of what bad contracts would probably be and makes Bitty wonder if this isn’t his first time helping with these sorts of things.

Well, as Captain of the Aces, he probably has. Not to mention how he babies his rookies. 

“So,” Bitty finally bites on his lip, looking down at the tablet, “so if...if I wanted to keep playing hockey after graduation. This is a good opportunity, is what you’re tellin’ me.”

Both Jack and Kent nod at him, serious as a heart attack.

“This is a good opportunity, Bits.”

“But,” Kent looks at him seriously, “we aren’t agents, either. This is from our experience. For a professional opinion, I can suggest some guys, so can Jack, that can haggle the contract for you.”

He stands at the sink with soapy hands braced on the edges, just looking out the window into Kent’s nice backyard. 

Kit is lounging on a dishtowel right there on the ledge to get some sun.

And just like his worst tendency, Jack stands up with a cookie and saunters over to stand beside him, back against the counter.

“It’s a lot to take in, bud,” is all growly and soft.

“I never imagined playing hockey after this year,” he admits, “buying a bakery, sure. Learning under other chefs, maybe taking a turn in another culinary art, yes. But, professional hockey? Hell, I couldn’t take a check without passin’ out a few years ago, Jack.”

Jack munches on his cookie, watching Bitty’s profile with soft eyes. “True. But, couple years ago, you wouldn’t have thought you’d end up Captain, and be on your way to the Frozen Four, eh?”

Kent shuffles his feet a little but boosts himself up on the counter beside Jack. “The AHL is like, our version of boot camp, you know? The kiddie pool before you hit the NHL. And there’s a four-season standard for that reason, B. You’ve got four seasons to play your best game and see if the Scouts are interested. I mean, a lot of guys that get a bad break and don’t make it, they can renew their contracts every four years or join the practice teams. Guys that still want to play hockey, like a lot of the guys on the Rebs.”

“That offer is for one season, though.” 

“Sure,” Jack fills in, meandering back for another, handing one off to Kent. “It’s a chance to get your feet wet, Bits, see if you can make the first year. I didn’t get a four-year from the Falcs until I got through the probationary period.”

“Lucky they didn’t make you billet, Jack. That’s usually a requirement.”

“Nah, I was old enough. Marty and Tater kept up with me, though. And I had Bits,” Jack shrugs and promises himself this is the last one even as he eyes the full plate.

He glances over at the serious expression on Bitty’s face, thoughts turning behind his eyes because now he’s thinking about it. On one hand, yes, he wants his bud to stay close, be on their sister team’s roster. Pawtucket is only twenty minutes or so from Providence, even closer than Samwell. 

(Jack wouldn’t have to lose him if Bits accepts the offer, keeps playing hockey. Jack thinks he’s terrible for wanting that as much as he does.)

For Bitty, the eminent future is looking closer and closer as this year draws to a close. Getting this offer was terrifying because of all those what if’s?

Kent hums around a mouthful, leans around Jack to look at him. “Sure, but you never know, B. You take Samwell to the ECAC, and there might be more people coming to talk to you.”

“Sugar pie, I’ve seen what you and Jack are up against. If there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that I’m not ready for the NHL, no matter how far we go this year. But–” he sighs a little.

“But what, bud?” 

“...the real question is, what if I’m not ready to give it up once the season’s over?”

Kent chuckles at him around the last bite, “then you’ll have a year with the Rebels to figure out if you’re done with hockey, or not.”

He catches his breath a little (could it really be as simple as that?).

“...that’s what I needed to know, thank-you boys.” He pats Kent on the leg and Jack on the arm, taking up the tablet, swinging right around to go back to the stove and wait for the next batch, hip hitched on the cabinets while he reads all over again.

He’s going to call Coach and Mama when he gets back to Samwell. Then on Monday morning, he’s going to call Mr. McLean and accept the offer.

 ** 

It’s not his fault most the people he’s friends with are so much taller than him. 

Really, it’s not. 

So when Kent just grabs him up before he and Jack get on the plane and hugs him tight for long minutes, Bitty’s feet dangle off the ground, but he’s pretty much used to it by now. Shitty broke him of it first, Holster helped.

“I’m going to miss you,” is said against his shoulder because he thinks Kent might just be tearing up.

Because of Jack.

Because Jack’s leaving.

Right?

With his feet still dangling, he pats the back of Kent’s head soothingly. “I’ll miss you too, honey. But, it’s not forever, right? We’ll see you again.”

Kent eventually put him down when Jack laid a hand to his shoulder and turned him in for a hug, and Bitty looks away when Kent wraps himself around Jack like an octopus, shoulders shaking just a little. 

Jack makes soothing circles on Kent’s back, talks softly in French, and just holds on for a few long minutes. Bitty makes himself busy by checking their luggage tags and slips away to get them some coffee from one of the twelve Starbucks in the airport.

A caramel frappuccino helps a little, and Kent just sweeps him on up again.

Jack keeps a hand on the back of Kent’s neck until the very last second, and something in Bitty’s chest tightens a little, but for the very first time, he’s not sure if it’s for Jack touching Kent like that or if it’s for Kent being all upset they’re leaving.

Something to think about another day.

As is, he’s got a thesis to write, a team to take care of, and a pair of professional hockey players that need fresh baked goods. His plate is pretty much full.

** 4

His vlog has always been somewhere to vent when he needed to, and even if he doesn’t have a huge following with millions of subscribers (yet), he didn’t think things would turn out this way.

But, the school newspaper he usually ignores puts it right out there for everyone to read.

Eric Bittle of Samwell’s Own Hockey Team is the First Out Captain in the NCAA

Dex is there to put a hand on his shoulder when he feels like he suddenly can’t breathe.

Someone watched his vlog and picked up on a few things apparently (“Never fall for a straight boy.” Those words are going to haunt him forever). 

He’s out to the team, but not the rest of campus. Good Lord. Hopefully no one pays it any mind, and they can just ride right along to the next game.

It does not go away.

Instead, the news catches fire, and before he knows it, his face is on ESPN as the first out NCAA captain. The rainbow background isn’t doing him any favors, but in between the panic in his brain, he thinks the yellow of the spectrum looks real nice with those shorts.

Chowder is the one that calls him in to look at the breaking story, looking over the couch to take note of Bitty’s face. 

He shows how much his reflexes have improved when he throws himself over the couch and latches on when Bitty’s knees fail and he almost sprawls himself all over the floor. 

His phone is in his hand, and Chowder is talking, saying something. He didn’t know when Ollie and Wicks, Dex and Nursey, Tango and Whiskey and Foxtrot, River, Hops, and Louis all got there crowded around him, but he just seems to blink and there they all are.

“I,” he starts loudly, immediately quieting everyone with a single word, “am going to make a pie. Everyone is welcome to hang out while I am doing so.”

So, he makes a pie and while he does, he makes a plan.

He talks out how this could affect the team’s chances of getting to the Championship, how this could affect how they play, how they plan to win the next few games. Bitty thinks it might be smart to step down as captain, being pragmatic as possible now that he’s not panicking about finishing the season and his senior year at Samwell. 

Whiskey, who he hadn’t been able to connect with all darn season (more n’ likely because he found Whiskey at that party kissing the Lax bro), smashes his fist on the table and says that’s a whole lotta bull. Bitty’s the one that got them this far, and he’ll take them the rest of the way.

(Bitty still has several talks in the next few days. With the coaching staff, with Samwell administration, with the entire gathered team. He gives all of them the same option. He’ll give up being captain or all out quit the team if this would hurt their changes to go to the Frozen Four. He gets the same denial, loud and belligerent from his whole team –which warms his heart, honestly. They’re all such good boys.)

They decide to handle it one game at a time, and break for the night. In his room with coppery fear still in the back of his mouth, he holds his phone and stares at the contact information for Home. 

He’s almost pressed it when a FaceTime request comes from Kent.

Almost at the same time Jack doesn’t bother to knock, but just throws his bedroom door open, looking like he’d run miles.

Throwing himself to his feet, both hands up, he probably looks terrified because Jack scared the absolute heck out of him. 

“Bits,” and now it’s Jack that’s got both hands up, coming at him, “Bits, it’s okay. It’s okay, bud.” And he really means to say something, but he’s just all caught up in Jack. He smells so good and feels so nice, he’s strong when Bitty feels weak and shaky, picking him right on up and sitting down to fold over him like a big Canadian blanket.

“What a horrible way to be outed,” he laughs through the shakes, but his voice is hoarse. “This is absolutely awful, Jack.”

“God, it really is. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, Bits.”

“Lord, I’m making a fool of myself. What’s done is done, I suppose.”

“Still, I want to be here for you.”

“Oh, honey. I appreciate it.”

And he just lets himself sink into Jack a little, burying his face in Jack’s neck, just tries to breathe.

His phone goes off again, and this time Jack picks it up, sees who it is, and taps the top of Bitty’s head with it.

He thumbs the request without looking, just keeping his face right where it is. This is the best he’s felt since that awful ticker tape just laid out his biggest secret, and put a big ole’ target right on his back.

“Hi Kenny,” and he’s proud his voice sounds as steady as it does.

“Hey B,” is so soft and concerned, his heart gives a little patter. 

Jack holds the phone for him with one hand, and squeezes him tight with the other. 

“This sucks so hard, B. I’m so sorry ESPN gives a fuck about college sports enough to do something shitty like this.”

He raises his face just enough for Kent to see half his face out of Jack’s bulk. “One of those silly human interest stories, I guess. Too bad they got a little too interested, huh?”

“You can totally sue the shit out of them, okay? B, I know a guy. He could get you millions.”

“That won’t make everything right, Kenny, but thank-you for being here with me.” He gives a shuddering sigh, “I’m still going to have to deal with the backlash, and as much as I hate it, so will the team. I haven’t talked to the administration or the coaches, but it might be smart if I step down for the rest of the season, maybe quit outright. Then the boys might still be able to make it to the Frozen Four…”

“You’re two games away, B. You can’t give up now!”

“Agree. You got them here, they’ll have your back, Bits.”

“Kenny, Jack this is hockey. Everyone we go against from here on out is going to be gunning for us. The things they’re going to say to the boys–”

“They’ll handle it. Trust me,” Jack soothes, “they won’t let you give up either.”

“Well, I suppose we’ll see come Monday,” he’s tired, but there’s no slowing down right now, even if Kent is petting Kit and Jack’s lap is absurdly comfortable.

“Besides,” Kent continues, “you’re not alone, B. Plenty of us in the NHL. We’re just not like, out out. Maybe to our teams and stuff, not like, outed on ESPN or anything, fuck those guys. You seriously don’t want me to contact my guy for you? He got 6.8 million dollars for a celebrity case–”

“So you’re out to your team then, Captain Parson?” He blinks because the way Kent just came out with it, not a stutter one, shakes him.

“Huh? Well, yeah, of course I am. I’ve been on the Aces for years, Bits. These guys are like my family, so yeah, they know.”

“O-oh.”

Kent blinks at him, pauses. “Ah, I didn’t come right out and tell you, but yeah. Me too, so it’s okay, B. You’re not alone.”

It’s that moment when Jack leans down, shifting so Bitty’s looking up at him. “You’re not alone,” Jack repeats softly, “I kiss boys sometimes, too. None of that changes how good you are at hockey, and none of that changes you, okay Bits?”

And Lord above help him. He throws both arms around Jack, biting his lower lip between his teeth, and shaking like a leaf in a wind storm.

“Jack...Kenny…thank-you, boys. Just when I need you, and there you are.” He chokes a little, and there’s Jack folding down around him, there’s Kent holding Kit closer to the phone, sending virtual purrs and cuddles.

He doesn’t feel that bad wrapping his legs around Jack’s waist shamelessly, locking his ankles in the back, and just not facing the world for a while. 

It gets a little better when Jack tries to squeeze into a pair of his shorts while Kenny is brushing his teeth and talking about the camp they had at a local rink, running drills and plays with some of the high school kids from around the area. 

But everything in the world absolutely pauses when Jack clears his throat awkwardly

And really, God Bless Canada. 

The little sigh that comes out of him is echoed from his phone, and yes Kenny, they do have good taste.

“I can’t sleep in these, Bits, ah, sorry.”

But that color blue stretched taunt against Jack’s big thigh is just the best sight he’s probably ever seen.

“I’m sorry, but that’s all I’ve got to offer. I can go talk to Dex?” Because Chowder has wider shoulders like Jack, but is about a foot shorter.

“Eh, not necessary.”

And well, yes. Bitty knows Jack wears cute little briefs. They were on a team together, have spent time in the locker room, have seen the occasional moment before towels go on. It’s men’s sports for crying out loud. 

But none of that, absolutely none of that, prepares him for Jack shimmying out of those shorts for black briefs that absolutely mold to his behind and cup the front of him. The real coup de gras is that t-shirt coming off, and heaven help him, it’s muscles for miles. 

Only those little briefs between Bitty and what the Good Lord gave Jack, the definition of fine walking across the room like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. 

Bitty unabashedly watches, lips parted, cheeks a soft shade of pink. 

Jack closes the bathroom door, smirking where Bits can’t see, muffled noises as he roots around in the bathroom for a spare toothbrush. It gives Bitty can just take a second to himself to take in this whole situation. 

He’s been outed on a national sports network that may or may not take the question of the Rebels right out of the equation

Chances of going all the way to the finals is looking slimmer and slimmer the more he thinks about it

Jack and Kenny confirmed some of his suspicions and it’s an absolute crime and a blessing that they’ve found each other again

Jack has gotten bulkier than Bitty realized in the last year and a half playing for the NHL and his ass should be marked as a dangerous weapon

He hasn’t answered any of the phone calls from home

Still, Coach sent him a text, Call your mother. She’s worried about you.

 And top of the list, Jack Zimmermann is in his bathroom, shirtless, barefoot, after just having verbally come out to him.

If there was ever anyone that deserves to be up for Sainthood, it’s this good ole’ Georgia boy Right. Here. 

With his head in his hands, he groans softly, and scurries to throw on his own sleep clothes, stripping down without a thought more than those short on Jack and those shorts off Jack.

“I absolutely feel you,” a breathy chirp, and he forgot Kenny probably saw the entire thing.

Bitty spins, almost ready to start getting on a boat down that river called denial when he realizes Kenny is giving him the most devilish looking smile.

“It’s really unfair that he’s a hockey God and blisteringly hot to boot.”

“We are the best of friends, I’ll have you know Mister Parson. Jack doesn’t even see me that way, even after tonight. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s got his eye set on someone prettier than little ole’ me.”

He throws the covers back to busy his hands, but can spare a second to put some charm into it and look back at Kenny with a wink. 

It’s either the best or the worst timing because Kenny gets this look on his face, opening his mouth for something that might have been good or bad, when Jack comes out of the bathroom smelling like mint and looking like a touch could burn you down to the ground.

Kenny looks at him for a few long seconds while they’re climbing into bed, and chirps them about hands above the comforter and hockey bros cuddle like champs before he yawns and finally hangs up for the night.

The sheet gets maneuvered between them so he’s not going to be tortured most of the night with only his sleep shirt and pants between them–

(and those sinful underwear, he’s never going to forget those)

–so it’s suspiciously easy to drop off with Jack’s arm around him and snoring in his ear.

**

The next two games are utterly brutal. 

Ice bags are wrapped around his shoulder while he sits in his spot in the locker room, forearms on his knees to just hurt while Chowder is talking at his right and Dex at his left.

The bruises tomorrow are going to be beautiful, but heck, what’s some bruises when Samwell is officially in the Frozen Four.

Lord, they made it.

And he will start celebrating, right after he can raise up his arm again.

Oh, that’s going to be sore tomorrow. Making pies for the campus captain club is going to be awful, isn’t it?

He manages to get the ice bags off in time to walk with the boys back to the Haus, Ollie already scooping up his bag and Chowder, bless his heart, hovering anxiously right by him the whole walk there.

They don’t make him do a keg stand this time, thank goodness, but the party celebrating their win is well underway in less than an hour.

It’s real nice when the Lax bros bring in a stack of pizzas and slap him on the back in congratulations, like he hadn’t just been outed on national television. (He loves Samwell so much.) Chad L. says a whole bunch of something that Bitty tries to follow and ends up handing him a plate with pizza and accepting a piece of pie in exchange. 

The fire extinguisher is in plain sight to remind the footballers what could happen if they don’t behave, and at least two of his boys hang around him most the night, bracketing him on both sides to keep an eye on him. Ollie and Wicks pop around the corner periodically anyhow.

He catches Chowder taking a picture for social media, has a second of panic, almost tells his sweet son not to do that because everyone knows, but shuts his mouth last minute and straightens up to grin for the next one.

**

The night the news came out, Bitty changed his social media to private, hoping to avoid some of the homophobic comments. Since the morning after (and it’s a crying shame he missed seeing those little black briefs again since Jack was already dressed by the time he got up), he’s been talking to pretty much everyone.

Most of all, his Mama and Coach...and Mr. McLean.

Jack squeezes his hand, and Bitty bites his lip, but still, “I’m afraid I don’t think I should accept your offer after all. This isn’t going to blow over any time soon.”

“Mr. Bittle. I’m interested because you’re fast, you’ve got soft hand, and you’re a good fit for the Rebels. As far as I understand, this isn’t going to change any of that.”

“O-oh!”

“If you want to play hockey, Mr. Bittle, you can do that with us.”

And it’s there when he looks in Jack’s blue, blue eyes, when he thinks about Ollie and Wicks, when he thinks about Shitty being so kind when he’d come out to the first person on the team. It’s there when he thinks about being terrified at that first check practice, when he thinks about how dang far he’s come in four years.

(It’s tough, but you’re tougher.)

“I want to play hockey, Mr. McLean.”

“That’s the spirit Mr. Bittle. I’ll send you training camp information in the next week or so. Welcome to the Pawtucket Rebels.”

If Jack holds him tight while he almost shakes apart once he hangs up the phone, well, only Chowder and Dex will ever tell a soul because they fell on him and Jack like a ton of bricks, hugging him and laughing.

**

Shitty, Ranson, Holster, and Lardo make the trip from Boston to show up on the Haus doorstep before they’ve even finished clean-up from the party the night before.

Before he knows it, he’s got Shitty crying all over him, telling him he’s so proud and Bitty’s just the best little captain there ever was.

It’s so nice because Shitty is silly as hell, but he’s an amazing friend in times of need. 

And he can’t say it isn’t nice when Shitty picks up the loud speaker and starts shooing the rest of the hanger-oners out.

“Frozen Four!” Ransom crows, “our guys are going to kick some ass.”

“You said it, bro,” Holster warmly pats Bitty on the shoulder with one of those big hands while this pie is just coming along easily enough.

The flinch when the bruises ache is enough for more ice bags to get wrapped around him, and Shitty to shake a finger in his face, talking about taking care of himself. It might not be a concussion, but they’ve got serious games coming up, and he needs to be tip top if he’s going to take them all the way.

Bitty takes it to heart and lets them baby him for a few hours.

It does get worse when Dex and Chowder see Holster pulling the neck of his shirt up a little to check how bad it is, and then he’s got more hockey players in his kitchen butting in. Luckily, Dex is getting just as good at making pie as Bitty, and finishes up the lattice work perfectly.

He talks strategy with Ransom and Holster at the kitchen table while Lardo makes another pot of coffee, and Chowder subtly slips the bottle of ibuprofen next to him. Whiskey listen to them strategize for the upcoming games, and my, don’t it feel so normal.

He hugs Shitty again, holds on just as tight as he can, and thanks the Good Lord for such amazing friends.

**

Mama and Coach are more understanding than he ever would have imagined, taken in account what a shock it is just to come across the television like that.

“Dickey, honey, now you know,” and she has to pause because Lord, his Mama is crying, “you know you can always come home. Always. No matter what. We love you. We love you and everything else, we can figure all that out.”

And so, since he’s never said it, only thought about what could happen, he tells her, “Mama… I’m gay.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know and that’s-that’s fine. We can figure it all out. But, you can come home sometime before the semester ends, can’t you?”

“N-not while we’re close to the Championships, Mama. I-I can’t–”

“Junior.” 

And now he’s glad he just called instead of trying to FaceTime. So glad he doesn’t have to look Coach in the face right now.

“You’ve done a heck of a job this year. Been a good captain. You know me and your mama are proud, don’t you Junior?”

And there goes his lip all trembling, his eyes getting hot. Only Jack squeezing his hand keeps him together at all.

“Y-yes, Daddy.”

“Good. You just keep fighting. We’ll be here cheering you on, all right?”

His breath hitches in his chest, “yes, Daddy.”

“That’s my boy. You can do it, Junior. They’re tough–”

“–but I’m tougher,” and he’s covering his eyes, shoulder hunching down. Jack goes from holding his hand to pretty much lifting him up enough to slide on Jack’s lap.

“That’s right, son. You sure as hell are.”

He sighs out, a soft noise. “I am, Daddy. We made the Frozen Four.”

“Go get ‘im. Me and your Mama are behind you all the way.”

And even if Coach gets squicky when it’s time for I love you, Bitty manages to get it out anyhow.

“Love you too, son. Now you gotta stop, or else your mama’s gonna drown me.”

The thick laugh is so much better than crying. Jack thinks so too apparently, squeezing tight while Bitty’s sitting on his thighs.

If he thinks there’s a kiss pressed to the top of his head, well, he’s just going to blame it on being emotionally overwrought and leave it at that.

**

He didn’t bother with pads, just pants, sweatshirt, gloves, stick, helmet, and skates. The ice is quiet as can be in the morning light bouncing off Faber, making it beautiful.

Kenny’s far enough ahead of them that he’s on a break from practice, already home making brunch. “Big Red is going to be killer, B. Cornell is ruthless. Fighting Hawks from North Dakota.”

His skates cut through the ice until he’s gliding, hitting the long stretch, pumping as fast as his legs can take him, cycling the puck. 

He doesn’t reply to Kenny, just listens while his muscles burn, his mind works, he sees the next move like a playbook. 

Over the past four years, he’s gotten stronger, faster. Sure, he’s smaller than the average hockey player, but that don’t mean weak. Everyone they’ve played already figured that one out now didn’t they?

His arms and shoulders burn when he swings high, throws some muscle in it when he slaps the puck right in the sweet spot of the net.

“No fair, B. I want to watch!”

“I’d have to set my phone in the stands, sugar pie.”

“If that means I get to watch you do suicides, I’m on board.”

Bitty laughs out loud because Lord, he sounds like Jack. 

“Trying to kill me before practice?”

“Captain’s prerogative, babe.”

Obligingly, Bitty sets up his helmet, laying on it’s side, throws a t-shirt in it to hold the phone up, and FaceTimes Kenny.

He gives the captain of the Aces a wink and then takes off to the blue line. He’s got his game face on, stick balanced perfectly, moving like his ass is on fire.

After a good turn out, he skates back to the stands where Kenny is very close to the screen. 

“Well, there you go, Captain,” he snickers, scooping up the whole thing so Kent goes around the rink for some easy, cool-down laps with him before the boys start meandering in for practice. “That what you wanted to see?”

“You? Are fast, B. That was incredible.”

“Oh, sugar pie,” he grins down at Kent’s face in his helmet, “you say the nicest things.”

“Hey, I’m not being nice, Bits. I’m saying as a professional hockey player that you? Are fast.”

“Well, so are you. Short guys like us have a tendency to out-maneuver the big guys.”

“I’ve based most of my career on being the fast guy on the team, B, but I don’t know how I’d hold up against you.”

“Mmhm. I also haven’t been playing professionally for the last few years, tearing the fire out of my knee, Kent.” Very serious because he’s counted how many nights he’s seen ice bags over that knee in the last few weeks.

“Also true. It might be surgery for me this summer, but that should do a lot. I’ll have maybe ten years instead of five.”

“So you said. Your doctor is talking about it again?”

“...yeah. He says it should do wonders for where I’m at right now, and this might be the year to just do it and get it over with.”

“Three-time Stanley Cup winner is where you’re at right now, sugar pie.”

The laugh is nice, but now he’s wondering if he can convince Kenny to come to Providence and stay with Jack during his recovery. That’ll let Bitty be close enough to come over and take care of him while his knee heals. He’s already thinking it over when his third lap is coming up.

“B.” Startles him right out of his thoughts.

“Kenny?”

And something is there in the way Kenny is looking at him from the screen. “Be careful at the game tonight. Watch out for the Minnesota D-Men, okay?”

“Thank-you, sugar. You watch on out for those Rangers.”

“I will. Just send me a text when the game is over, even if I’m in overtime, okay?”

“You know it, honey. Now go on and get a nap. We’ve both got a busy night tonight.”

**

This could be the last time he steps out on the ice. This could be it. All of it could end right here right now. 

They’ve got to play their hearts out. He’s got to give it everything he’s got. For himself, for the boys, for Samwell. 

It comes down to this, facing Minnesota’s line like there ain’t no going back.

**

He sits on his bed, faggot and fairy in his head from the game earlier. He doesn’t accept Jack’s call because his face is a mess.  

Well, serves him right because Jack just shows up at the Haus an hour later when Bitty has finally got it together.

**

The check is absolutely brutal. 

He used to be floored by it, curled up in a little ball on the ice, couldn’t move, couldn’t think, could barely breathe. 

But not this damn time. Oh hell no. 

It’s fast when he’s back up on his feet, shoving his way through bigger men than him and stealing that puck right on out from under them. 

He feels like he’s got wings on his feet when he glides by them like they’re just standing still. 

**

Mama and Coach are here because they’ve come down to the last stand. 

This is it.

Jack and Kenny are both there and where in the world they got #15 Bittle jerseys, he will never know.

Number #82 has already been gunning for him, but the last one is the very last of Eric Bittle’s patience running right on out.

His heart is racing, his legs burning, skates cutting ice as he steers around players, gritting his teeth against the ache, and for the first time, he’s gonna stand up, holler out that no, he’s not gonna take that nonsense lying down.

The moment slows down for long enough that he feels weightless when he pushes off, is airborn, shoving all his weight right into #82 just as they’re at the Samwell bench and shove the both of them right in with the boys.

It’s a tangle of arms and legs and skates and sputtering. 

“Try me again, asshole,” Bitty sneers in #82’s face with the face guards the only thing between them. 

“Homophobic prick!” One of his boys shouts.

Coach and the boys pick him up (shocked because he doesn’t usually have a need for potty mouth thank-you very much), want him to go get checked out while the ref blows the whistle just after Whiskey gets the puck, and now it’s all on Samwell.

He doesn’t get a penalty, thank goodness, and argues loudly with Coach to let him back in the game, he needs to get back. It’s not like he lost a tooth, just some scratches from going over. It’s a long look in his eyes before Coach just throws up his hands and shoos him back. 

And Bitty’s not thinking about Jack and Kenny and Shitty and Lardo and Ransom and Holster and Mama and Daddy and everyone else up in those stands screaming for them when he hits the ice again. He’s not thinking about how badly he hurts or the scratches on his face. He’s not thinking about his thesis or graduation or his spot in Jack’s guest room. 

He’s only thinking about the tied score, the next play, and how they’re going to show these away boys exactly who’s house this is.

**

And his arms strain when his stick comes back, when he slams that puck with every ounce of strength he has left. His heart thuds hard in the back of his mouth when their goalie’s hand shoots out, tries to catch the puck, just the tips of his gloves skimming the surface.

The alarm blares and the scoreboard changes so fast, Bitty’s not really sure what happened until his boys slam into him, gather all around him, screaming.

He’s dazed, fingers limply holding his stick, eyes still stuck on the scoreboard even when they lift him up, stick and all.

The crowd takes to the ice, and he gets his helmet off in time to get hugs from Mama and Coach, in time to accept the huge trophy, him and Coach and Dex holding it up with all the boys around them just a hooting and a hollering all over the place. 

Ransom and Holster catch him right up off his feet, crying all over him when they tell him how proud they are.

The interviews shake him out of the daze and he tells the viewers at home that the team fought hard for this and earned it all themselves. He’s proud to be their teammate and captain, he’s proud to be a Wellie, and darn it, their hard work paid off.

Just as he turns, sees Chowder going past with three of their guys behind him, singing the Samwell song at the top of their lungs, he catches Jack and Kenny standing on the ice by the boards, watching him with soft smiles on their faces, and his eyes get hot abruptly, get full as can be.

Center ice, just like with the Stanley Cup. And this ain’t that now. This? This one is all his.

He feels his lower lip tremble just a little, puts his hand up to stop it, but dang it if Jack and Kenny aren’t just easing across the ice toward him with those smiles and his name across the back of their shoulders.

He gets a hand on the back of his neck and a shoulder to hide his face while the whooping and celebrating gets loud, loud, loud.

Lord, he’s going to vlog the hell out of this tomorrow.

**

Shitty is naked. 

While it’s not new (they’ve been to Haus 2.0, and yes, Shitty was naked there too. Good times, really), Bitty has always had reservations about him being skin-to-fabric on that dang couch. Who knows what he might get. Well, all that spilled tub juice probably goes a long way to sanitize. Or so he says to keep his revolution to a minimum. 

Watching Kenny get his ass handed to him from Lardo is hilarious. Watching Jack give in and have a chugging competition is even better. 

He’s lucky the ECAC playoffs beat the NHL by almost a month. Jack and Kenny have another week before they start getting serious. 

Ransom and Holster are talking animatedly with the Waffles, back slaps all around. He’s pleased as can be when Shruti, Sharon, Edgar, Chad L., and some other captains drop by to say congratulations and have a piece of pie. He doesn’t see Jack pause over his shoulder while he talks up a storm, doesn’t see the considering look on Jack’s face.

Something about this Bitty hits him harder than the last four years, makes that perpetual tightness in his chest mean something completely different than anxiety.

He should have realized it long before his graduation, should have been terrified of it all happening again. 

Bitty affects him in so many of the same ways Kenny does, and it’s an amazing yet terrifying thing for Jack Zimmermann. Feeling like this person you’re looking at is literally made for you. 

And just as he starts taking a step forward, pushing himself in to stand at Bitty’s side like he’s done the majority of their friendship, Kenny ducks out of nowhere and takes him by both biceps. His expression is desperate.

“You’ve got to stop her. Zimms. Zimms, be on my team. Right now.”

It’s so absurd because it’s Kenny and also because he knows no one is beating Lardo. 

Ever.

Anything else is wishful thinking.

He casts a wistful look at Bitty, animated with his big win, and if Jack literally has his heart in his eyes until they’re out of sight, then only Chad L. from would have seen it.

**

Later on after the captains have said good night and some of their...guests have started staggering out, cheering for Samwell, for hockey, for tub juice, and for pie. 

For this one, Bits really couldn’t take credit because Dex really made most of them, bless his heart.

Moving around the party-goers with a spare trash bag to pick up a bit, he spots someone sneaking upstairs, pauses to squint up in case he needs to charge on up there and firmly remind people the upstairs is off limits. 

Or break out the fire extinguisher.

Either way.

...but he knows that ass in those jeans, and gasps softly as Jack’s plaid is bouncing up the steps ahead of Kenny. 

And, he can let out a sigh, catch just a little bit of bittersweet. But, if there is anything Eric Richard Bittle prides himself on, it’s being a good friend. If Jack and Kenny needed a-a wingman or whatever, then he’s just going to dang well be that.

He keeps an eye on the stairs for the rest of the night for more than one reason. No one, no one, is going to disturb them when they’ve finally come this far, and even if he silently dreads it, hopes they at least used his room instead of a bathroom for heaven’s sake.

[guerilla935]

Modern Role Playing Games For People That Want To Get Into RPG‘s

You may have heard of a little game that’s come out recently called Final Fantasy VII Remake. There has been a lot of talk about this game having inspired a lot of people to play a game that they skipped back in the day or inspired them to pick up another RPG because they were so engaged in it. Final Fantasy VII Remake isn’t going to make it into this article because I haven’t had a chance to play it yet. But if you’ve always been curious about the RPG genre or maybe you have just finished Final Fantasy VII Remake and are hungry for more, I have a pretty good selection of RPG’s that could offer you the chance to get into a genre of games that maybe you hadn’t considered before. The games on the list are primarily “modern” and what I mean by that is the games will not be SNES era games but rather games that are probably more accessible and easier on the eyes. The games are (as always) limited to what I have had the chance to play. And the games that have been selected were chosen based on the following criteria: low complexity of combat, world building, leveling curve (lack of grinding), and visual appeal. Some of you may want to dive straight into the deep end and download some anime RPG on Steam or find a copy of Chrono Trigger or some certain PS1/NES era RPG and if you can do that then you are an absolute trooper but this post will focus on newer titles rather than the classics. Also if you want me to spotlight a game that you want to recommend put it in the notes because I love getting suggested games! And if you have any questions my messages are always open and I have all the free time to answer them. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way here are games that I recommend as good starting places if you want to get into RPG’s.

Kingdom Hearts

(PS2/PS3/PS4/XBOne)

Kingdom Hearts is a cross over series that blended the worlds of Final Fantasy with Disney. What makes this game attractive to new players is the Disney half and what hooks them in is the Final Fantasy half. The game is easy to pick up and keeps you consistently engaged in enough story and new locations to keep you wanting more after the credits role. The combat is easy, only requiring a few buttons and allows the player to advance effortlessly without having to worry about their gear or level. The platforming sections help form a cohesive world that is small enough to allow its player to mentally map the whole game easily. The game still tosses around complex themes and sullen moments so it is still very viable to play for adults even though it may take you a good while to start seeing the fruits of that. This is an easy pickup for anyone that is thinking that just maybe they want to try a role playing game that tells a large story in a manageable amount of time that doesn’t require a huge amount of your brain power to get through.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

(PC/PS4/PS3/XB360/XBOne/Switch/PSVR)

Skyrim is an open ended role playing game where you create a character and exist in a fantasy world full of dragons and wizards. It’s exactly what most people associate with when they think about fantasy and most of the time it is where people go when they want that sort of experience. If you are trying to play an RPG that tells bite sized stories but includes enough world building to have you reading Skyrim history books until 4 in the morning then perhaps Skyrim is a good game to try. The controls are similar to any other first person game so if you are not familiar with that then there is a learning curve attached to it, other than that there is a wide range of difficulties that allow just about anyone to be able to play through the game. The snowy vistas make this game a beautiful option and the way that the scope of the world reaches miles in front of you gives a really liberating sense of freedom. Skyrim has the potential to become a hardcore obsession but also allows a lighter and more casual experience for people who just want to see main stories.

Ni No Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom

(PS4/PC)

Ni No Kuni II is a fun game that applies big ideas into digestible pieces. The combat is very simple to learn and fun to exploit. The game adds a strategy mode where you command troops that isn’t awesome but also introduces a town building mechanic that is easy to understand and gives you a visual sense of progression. The story is awesome and keeps the world of Ni No Kuni grounded into its fantastical fantasy setting that borrows a lot from everyday life. The game borrows from the art of Studio Ghibli and is heavily inspired by movies like Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro. If any of that sounds like it is interesting to you then this is easily a fun opportunity to bring a unique RPG into your gaming library.

Pokemon Sword and Shield

(Switch)

I’m willing to admit two things. The first being that I truly believe that Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum were the best Pokemon games and that normally I would recommend that someone just play that game instead. However, the second is that Pokemon Sword and Shield are the definitive versions of Pokemon that rid the game of the dated mechanics of previous titles. Pokemon is the monster taming game, the game is a celebration of being able to constantly change who you are playing as and it feels endlessly personal. Pokemon is a great intro to turn based combat that does a great job teaching things like elemental weaknesses and speed stats. This is definitely the easiest, most customizable, and cute, way to enter the RPG genre.

Persona 5 Royal

(PS4)

Persona 5 Royal is the definitive version of Persona 5 which is the latest installment in the Shin Megami Tensei spinoff series called Persona. The game is about balancing daily high school life with traveling into another dimension to fight shadows. The game has a lot of things in it, a day to day manager, a dating sim, turn based RPG, fishing, darts, batting cage, etc. Persona 5 also drips with style, from the amazing art to the fantastic soundtrack. The combat takes some learning but if you set the difficulty all the way down it becomes an accessible experience at no cost to the gripping story. You are guaranteed to fall in love with this game if you end up playing it and it’s bound to create an obsession that has you playing Persona 4 as well as Persona 3. This is an intimidating game to start but with the difficulty set low you really can’t mess up the other portions of the game so there is always a good way to make sure you can experience one of the best games on the PS4.

Dragon Quest XI: Echoes Of An Elusive Age

(Switch/PS4/3DS/PC)

Dragon Quest XI is the funniest game on this list. The writing also ironically follows plot lines from other media like Marvel Cinematic Universe or Dragon Ball. You’ll also notice that the game looks a lot like Dragon Ball so if you ever wanted a Dragon Ball fantasy RPG then you might be in luck. The story is driven home by its amazing cast and continues to supply the player with things to do way after the credits have rolled. The turn based combat is very traditional so maybe try this game if you don’t mind learning an older style of game play presented in a fun and easy to understand setting. Dragon Quest XI is guaranteed to hook you in with its likeable characters and grand story telling, if you are at all attracted by the promises of dumb humor, excellent writing, and incomparable character development you should plan on purchasing this game.

Final Fantasy XIV Online: A Realm Reborn

(PS4/PC)

An MMO is an RPG too. And as I’m writing this the current best place to live a virtual life is in Final Fantasy XIV. As someone who has tried almost every free to play MMO on the market I can say with absolute certainty that you get what you pay for and the subscription to FFXIV is worth every cent if you want to get into an MMO. The game is large and intimidating and complex, however, the game is also home to one of the friendliest communities I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing with and they make the game as special as it is. This is why people that don’t even like video games are drawn to FFXIV because it is an amazing social experience that also happens to be an amazing MMO experience. The story is the best in terms of MMO story lines and the combat is vast boasting 18 completely unique combat classes. I can’t recommend this game enough and if you have ever considered an MMO then I can guarantee you that this is the one that you want to be playing.

Fantasy Life

(3DS)

Fantasy Life is a game about grinding professions. It looks like Animal Crossing and kind of plays like Animal Crossing would if you could also slay beasts and smith armor in that game. If you are familiar with Life Sim games then this is just the fantasy RPG version of that. The game gives you a job and makes it insanely fun to do that job with fun mini games and a rewarding economy system. This is the “relaxing” game on the list so if you like games like Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon and you may want to try more combat heavy games then this is a great Segway into that genre of game.

Diablo III

(PC/Mac/PS3/PS4/XB360/XBOne/Switch)

Diablo III is probably the most famous ARPG which just means that you are looking down from an isometric point of view and are typically facing hordes of monsters to achieve hordes of loot. I would say that Path of Exile might be catching up fast to Diablo but if you want to ease into an ARPG then Diablo III is much more forgiving. The game is instantly rewarding and gives you a lot of customization with your skills and appearance. This game tells an epic story but has too much game in between story beats to make it worth playing for. Although I would recommend this game to a new player that only wants to play an RPG for its gear management and game play versatility without having to sit through endless cut scenes.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

(Switch)

In Fire Emblem: Three Houses you play as the combat teacher of one of three groups of kids. You decide what they learn and how well they get at it. The game is a strategy RPG so you are using your brain a bit more to assess situations than the other games on this list. However, Fire Emblem streamlines the system into something easy to understand that is accessible to most new players. While I don’t recommend this game to every new RPG player I’d say that if you really want a game that makes you think rather than hit buttons randomly than you might enjoy the deeper engagement that this game offers. Note that the Fire Emblem series is known for using a very evil emotional weapon called “party member perma-death” which you can absolutely turn off if you would like a less stressful experience. Or live for the thrill, I won’t tell you what to do.

Final Fantasy XV

(PS4/XBOne/PC)

Final Fantasy XV isn’t a normal Final Fantasy game. It is a road trip that you can’t truly appreciate unless you get distracted. Over the years RPG’s have been known for putting a large amount of side activities in their games, Final Fantasy XV takes its story and encases it in casual game play that involves long drive and lots of fishing and camping. This game is not for everyone but its more casual approach will appeal to a newer audience than a hardened veteran of the Final Fantasy series. People looking for their first RPG won’t be totally swayed by the story here but they will have seen that the journey can be fun if you let it.

So You Wanna Start An RPG

Take it from someone who has played the opening hours of a lot of games and then quit that sometimes you just can’t get yourself to like a game. You owe it to yourself to find in entertainment something that you like. I consider myself more of a casual RPG player, I’ve never beaten any of the classics and I can hardly finish a lot of the RPG’s that I own now. But I think that fickleness makes me a good source to recommend a good RPG for people that may not have the patience to play through a Final Fantasy IV or a Golden Sun. Also remember not to rule out experiences just because people say that they are “bad” because opinions are subjective to you personally. RPG’s have the power to tell moving and important stories, and as a player of them I hope I’ve given anyone reading this some incentive to experience a larger than life story.

[nellied-reviews]

Super Energy Saver Mode Re-listen

Hellooooo! My Wolf 359 re-listen has hit episode 6, and guess what that means? Yup, you got it!

Super Energy Saver Mode

In which Eiffel struggles to name his top five lanthanides, Hilbert blows things up again, and the Hephaestus might be haunted?!

I'll confess, going into this episode I could not remember very much about it. The title felt familiar, I vaguely remembered that it was one of the episodes where something on the Hephaestus stops working, but other than that? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. So that was exciting.

And you know what? I can kind of see why I didn't retain much from this episode! Plot-wise Super Energy Saver Mode just doesn't do very much. There's not a complex solve or fix for the issues that come up, or a clever work-around. Instead, Minkowski and Eiffel just... figure everything out and fix it competently?

In retrospect, there is, of course, one big, plot-relevant, spoilery thing that happens. But even that is basically left unresolved by the episode’s ending, which aims to create a creepy atmosphere than anything else.

Because that is what this episode does well. Without the additional job of being plotty, Super Energy Saver Mode can just concentrate on being atmospheric. Coming into it pretty much blind, in particular, meant that I appreciated the tension baked into the episode - even once I remembered what was going on, I really enjoyed how spooky this episode felt.

As per usual, though, we don't start with the creepiness. Instead, we start with Eiffel chatting about something mundane - namely, the fact that it's the crew's 500th day in space!

It's something that I think, on any other show, wouldn't actually be all that mundane. There are a whole bunch of spacey series where I could imagine a pretty decent episode being built around the crew trying to host some sort of anniversary celebration. But here, 500 days isn't something to be celebrated. It's not a bad thing, per se. But it's not a good thing. It's just a thing, a reminder of how worn down the crew are at this point, and how many days they have left on the clock. We get the impression that this mission is more of a long, hard slog than anything else - and thus we're reminded again of how little Goddard cares about its employees' wellbeing and morale.

Eiffel and Hera are having an unofficial party, though, with just the two of them, which is sweet. In practice, of course, this just means that they're spending time chatting while Eiffel avoids work. But it's really cute, and I find the banter about top five lists and the various criteria that Hera uses to come up with them soooooo funny. I mean, Hera judges "Stick It to the Man" songs by active political regimes at the time of composition, and complexity of choral progression, which I love for reasons I can't quite pinpoint?

The sequence also shows how differently Hera and Eiffel think. Eiffel very immediately and intuitively forms an emotional connection to things like music, but can't even fathom how Hera just knows things like the 900th digit of pi, or all of the lanthanides. Hera, meanwhile, has so much more information and raw data at her metaphorical fingertips than Eiffel, but doesn't quite connect to it in the same way, and doesn’t entirely get how Eiffel does. It's not (like with the Dear Listeners) that she can't connect to music, or fundamentally doesn't get it. But she's working on a different scale, judging by different standards. And she's not embarrassed to mess with Eiffel because of it, or to talk about it with him. Really, it's a textbook example of how to hang out and be friends with somebody while still thinking and relating to the world differently - which I think is a large part of what I like about Eiffel and Hera's friendship.

Their fun little interaction gets interrupted, sadly, by Hilbert requesting extra power for his lab, which we can already tell will end badly, because come on, it's Hilbert. But what is interesting is how irritated Hera seems afterwards. I mean, she does the whole "I am not programmed to get upset" spiel, but nobody's buying it, and when she confesses that she doesn't like Hilbert's tone, there's definitely a lot of annoyance there. It reminds us, after seeing Hera's machine side, that she's still a person and still has emotions - a balance that Wolf 359 is generally pretty good at. Hera's allowed to be an AI, with the non-human worldview that that entails. But at the end of the day, she's still a character with emotional depth and nuance.

With that in mind, then, Hera admits that she doesn't like Hilbert's tone - which is totally understandable - but also that she's mostly worried that somebody's going to get hurt as a consequence of Hilbert's recklessness - which seems to be validated when the station's power cuts out and Hera goes offline mid-sentence.

Eiffel, given the circumstances, remains remarkably calm, but this does mark the point where the episode shifts genre to become what is, in effect, a haunted house story. It's set on a space ship, sure, but all of the beats from this point onwards are pretty much the beats you might expect if Eiffel were, say, spending the night alone in his late grandfather's crumbling old mansion, long rumoured to be cursed. It's paranormal horror at its finest, complete with weird voices and jump scares and a bunch of "it's probably nothing" moments.

I noticed, as well, that there was barely any music from this point onwards. There is some (shout out to the creepy little theme with the ghost-like, theremin-sounding wail and the soft bass guitar!) but it's subtle, and very much secondary to the sound effects, which suddenly get very loud. For as long as the power is off, we get all sorts of creaking, groaning and echoing - and with it a sense of just how big and empty the Hephaestus really is. Hera's constant presence and the electronic noises around the place do a lot to mask that, normally. But now we're hearing the silence, and it is eerie.

Adorably, Eiffel's first instinct is to ask himself, "What would Commander Minkowski say if she were here right now?" This leads into a huge and surprisingly detailed fake argument, of course, which is hilarious in and of itself, but there's also just something kinda sweet about how immediately Eiffel assumes that Minkowski would have a handle on things. Eiffel still complains about her a lot, at this point in the series, so the respect that this little moment betrays feels fresh and sort of unexpected.

Eiffel's not wrong to trust Minkowski, either. Once she shows up, the episode's main problem - Hera being offline - gets solved quickly and remarkably efficiently, with Eiffel doing the legwork and Minkowski giving instructions, and honestly, it's in moments like this that I remember how technically competent Minkowski is. I think I tend to remember the more military, combative bits best, with her stalking round harpoon in hand or shooting folks, so it's nice to be reminded that the Commander can also handle things like repairs just fine.

Of course, that  means that the episode's main tension is never actually about the power outage. The sudden silence and the threat of life support running out add to the episode's general atmosphere, sure. But the thing we are most anxious about, as the episode plays out, isn't the ship's newly-accessed Super Energy Saver Mode. No, instead of that, we're given a new mystery, and it's a doozy: what's up with that voice Eiffel keeps hearing?

It starts almost inaudible, but in the end Eiffel hears the words loud, clear and terrifying: "You're not the first." Which, like, terrifying much? It's vague and ominous and very chilling, especially with all the distortion that's going on.

In retrospect, of course, we know that this is our first encounter with Captain Isabelle Lovelace - indeed, it's one of the very few encounters that we have with the real, non-alien-duplicate Isabelle Lovelace, for whatever that's worth. We also know that she doesn't mean any harm - she's trying to warn the crew, in fact.

Strangely, though, knowing that doesn't actually this any less effective as a ghost story. After all, what are we hearing, but the voice of a dead woman, warning the crew about an even worse monster lurking in their midst? The Hephaestus, Lovelace's recording reminds us, is indeed haunted, if not literally then at least metaphorically, by the ghosts of its former crew and the traces that they have managed to leave behind.

With or without hindsight, then, the episode is creepy, hinging ultimately on the idea that there might be something not quite airtight in Hera's programming, that there could be something hiding - or deliberately hidden - just underneath her code. In making that the focus of the story, the episode opens up the tantalising possibility that something might fundamentally be wrong with the Hephaestus and its systems. The show's very setting is destabilised and made frightening - and that's a genie that you can't just put back in the bottle once you decide that you're done telling ghost stories. Instead, the feeling that something is not quite right persists even after Hera comes back online, and still haunts the episode as it draws to a close, since we don't actually get an explanation of who Lovelace is. Instead, it remains a mystery. A spooky, weird, always-in-the-back-of-your-mind mystery.

It's a bold move, and it feels a lot like what happened with the plant monster, which is also at large at this point. I'm beginning to suspect that this is a thing we're going to see more of, too - big, obvious plot threads that are ostentatiously waved in front of us, then dropped, apparently without comment. 

It's something I think these early episodes could do more easily, since the expectation that loose ends would be followed up on wasn't quite established yet. Later on in the series, everything gets more serialized, so if something like, say, an alien duplicate of Jacobi turns up and is left dangling, we can reasonably expect that it'll get addressed at a point. Earlier on? We've not got those expectations. This might just be the sort of show where weird, scary voices are brought up and then never mentioned again. It might be the sort of show that lets a plant monster loose and forgets about it for the rest of the series. 

When it turns out, then, that that isn't the case, even in these early, apparently inconsequential episodes, it feels like a bonus, and we get, in hindsight, a little thrill of recognition, as we realise that no, there was a plot there the whole time. It's a satisfying feeling, at least for me, and it's 100% what's fuelling this re-listen.

So yup. Super Energy Saver Mode. An exercise in atmospheric spookiness, an enjoyable haunted house story and just generally a pleasant surprise. Solid work, really.

  Miscellaneous thoughts

Eiffel is talking about an 830 day mission, if I've done my maths right - with the possibility of Command extending it! That is one long-ass time to spend in space with three other people!

I want to know Eiffel's top five Stick It to the Man songs so badly 

"Ooookay. Maybe this isn't one of those wait and see things. Maybe it's one of those... imminent death things."

Wait Hilbert had to amputate multiple of Minkowski's toes???

Bless her, Hera sounds drunk when she's coming back online ^-^

[stateofirrelevancy]

CALM First Listen Impressions

I’ve been doing these since SGFG and imma keep doing it till the day i die!!

Red Desert - OOF harmonies okay I see you !! Intro is hella soulful don’t tell me I’m about to cry ALREADY guys… okay that bass in the bg is thicccc and I’m living for it OOF AND THEN THE CHORUS HITS AND THOSE DRUMS BITCH THIS SONG IS SO GOOD ON JUST THE FIRST LISTEN Y’ALL AHHHHH and then that TRANSITION from chorus to second verse my mans ashton did not disappoint !! Guys I’m really feeling this song holy shit it’s so good. Bitch this RED in the bridge is rly TEASING ME like bitch KEEP GOING!!!!!!!!!! Low key this song sounds like it’s 90% saying “red desert” over and over but I’m not complaining issa bop and a half !!! AHHH THAT ENDING AND THEY REALLY WENT TO A LOWER NOTE THAT WAS SO GOOD if that ain’t my fave song on the album i’ll be hella shook. Rating: 10/10 obviously

No Shame - I’ve liked this song since the very first time I heard it it’s actually such a bop. I can’t wait to drive around with this song blasting in my car. I LOVE when Luke says “Go on and plaAaAaAce me” it’s so pretty!!! Rating: 9/10 I just wish the bridge had something different I’m not a big fan of sos ALWAYS doing slowed down choruses for bridges and once you notice it it’s hard to stop lol

Old Me - I wasn’t a huge fan of this song the first time I heard it and genuinely didn’t think it’d grow on me AT ALL, but even after the second listen I really liked it, and I’ve really come to appreciate, like, the fan service message behind it? And that music video just made me love it more. The thing I didn’t like initially and still am not a huge fan of is how autotune-y the song sounds. I know everyone uses autotune, but imo it’s way too noticeable in the song to the point where it sounds a little unpleasant once you catch it. Rating: 8/10

Easier - Okay to be honest, I hate this song LMAO like one time I was crying in the shower while I was listening to my music on shuffle and this song came on and I literally stopped crying to change the song and then went back to crying daskjfkaljl Honestly the verses are really catchy and I like the prechorus but god I DETEST the chorus so fucking much it’s so fucking annoying and that’s low key like most of the song,,, I don’t even wanna finish the song but imma force myself to lmaooooo Rating: 3/10

Teeth - I love the bass at the beginning I’m such a slut for thicccc basses. I also like how crisp? Luke’s voice sound initially idk if that’s like a weird thing to say lol. I also hate the chorus here but not as much as Easier and the other parts of the song def make up for it. Rating: 6.5/10

Wildflower - This song was also like Old Me to me where I didn’t really love it at first but really liked it the second time. It’s definitely not gonna be a favorite of the album or a song I’m probs gonna remember forever but I bet it’s gonna be a BOP at concerts which is always appreciated. PLUS I love that Calum is singing he has a very unique voice I think. Also side note I justopened the livestream and it’s a hot mess lmaooo Ash rly fucking fucked up and needed to move it onto Cal lmaoo here I thought I was in sync with everyone smh. Rating: 7.5/10 with room to grow with more listens i’m assuming

Best Years - Anyways moving on from the livestream mess from these kids who don’t know technology,,, oof first impressions: sounds like same vibes as ghost of you?? I love the line “I’ll build a house out of the mess” or whatever. The part where he sings “best yeeaaarrs” is uhhh kinda weird? I thought that when Luke sang this on live but I thought it might sound better on the track but lmao nah I still think it sounds awkward tbh. But the verses are cute. Oof that instrumental was so long I legit stopped paying attention dafkdasjlk OOF OOF OOF THAT PART WHEN THE INSTRUMENTS KICKED IN okay I live for that. Song is kinda short so it gives me vibes of Lie To Me + Ghost Of You in terms of vibe (not lyrics). Rating: 6/10

Side note: I open the stream and they’re?? Just talking abt the album???? What happened to group listen lmaoo okay I guess gotta do everything in isolation around here smh

Not in the Same Way - woah okay start right away I guess !! “You say go I won’t leave” oof I don’t like that lyric cause a bitch has dealt with it and it’s terrible!! Omg when they said “NOT IN THE SAME WAY” in unison I legit live for the boys singing in unison okay OMG WE FUCK WE FIGHT AFDKAKLDJKL he really just gets more blatant every album w these swears huh fdskjkl OOF THAT DRUM BUILD UP SOUNDED SO GOOD Okay this is def a song to bop to live I can’t wait !! “I’m sick of sadness you’re sick of sadness” oof these lyrics bitch…. okay this song is kinda repetitive which is making me kinda tired BUT it’s not the worst thing and I like the parts that they’re repeating i guess LOL oh WOAH that “eh eh ehh” part is kinda interesting OMG IS THAT AN ORIGINAL BRIDGE/THIRD VERSE? From *MY* 5sos?????????? OKAY I SEE YOU,,, Okay the repetitiveness is kinda rly annoying now but it’s okay I still enjoy the song for now but can see myself maybe not listening to this song much later bc of it (Rating: 7/10)

Lover of Mine - Okay acoustic song of the album icu icu “Butterfly lies chase them away” interesting I like that  “dance around the living room” 👀 oof this pre-chorus is really good I’m such a slut for good prechoruses !! Luke’s voice sounds so soothing and smooth but the drums in the background in the second half are a little? Much? I don’t know maybe they’ll grow on me… I really like the lyrics of this song, I didn’t focus completely on everything but,, dare I say,,,, it might be some of their strongest writing yet??!? Omg I love love love these instrumentals near the end esp the piano sounds so beautiful and kind of reminded me of the interlude after San Francisco. Overall I think this song was honestly very beautiful. Rating: 8/10

Thin White Lies - more bass yessss it sounds so good,, are these lyrics about depression? Ehhh not feeling this chorus at all, too much going on and it’s just not a bop and that’s my only criteria for liking songs lmaoo. This song is giving me Empty Wallets + Babylon vibes kind of? Which isn’t rly my favorite vibe in songs tbh it’s just not for me, I don’t think it’s a bad song, though. “I don’t really like me anymore” :((((( mood Rating: 6/10

Lonely Heart - That one two three was so hot ngl,,, ANOTHER acoustic song?? Okay okay interesting. WOAH WHEN THEY CAME IN together god I love that and this OH OH OH part sooo catchy yesss okay also smth I’ve noticed 5sos doing a lot: quiet beginning (or quiet verses) and loud/bop-y choruses… that’s like half the album look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong !! It’s the equivalent of YB being mostly normal guitar verses and then instrumental pre-choruses lmao at least this I like a lot more WOAH THAT BRIDGE???????? WHO IS SINGING THAT IS THAT MICHAEL? I literally don’t recognize whose voice that is has it been that long since I heard his voice am I tripping?? But either way that was really cool. The song overall was pretty? Plain but not at all bad and it’ll definitely grow on me with more listens. Rating: 7/10

High - last song im so sad ahhh oof that sound it sounded like Michael? And it was umm very ear orgasmic lmao weird to put two songs that start like that one after the other tho but whatever. Woah the way Luke sang “highly” was so angelic !!! This is very acoustic-y too, but it seems like it’s truly mostly the same vibe throughout. Oof Calum’s harmonies sound so good. I also like the background “Ah”s this song sounds very angelic and pretty. I really like the way he sings the lyrics like “I hope you think of me high… think of me highly” and the part after that kind of mirrors that line. Not a huge fan of the lyric saying your friends just want you to yourself oof friends don’t like imma be honest that line was kinda cringy lmaoo But this song was very pretty, though honestly I doubt I’ll listen to it much or remember it just cause slow songs aren’t my cup of tea, but I can really appreciate the song for what it is and it was enjoyable to listen to. Rating: 8/10

Unrelated: I like that the album isn’t crazy long like every other album of theirs. I much prefer concentrating on 12 great songs than making 16-20 and then inevitably them hating/ignoring a few of them cause they’re like,, way worse than the rest of the album

Average rating: Okay technically 7.1/10 BUT if you take out Easier, then it’s a solid 7.5/10

I liked a lot of the songs and I’m sure I’ll like them even more with more listens, but the only ones I really LOVED were Red Desert and No Shame. It’s honestly a fantastic album, I just don’t think it fits my personal vibe. I’m very proud of the boys!! I really think it’s some of their best work. (Besides Easier,,, she can choke 💀💀)

[creambunnie]

For the best

you tapped your foot as you glared at your boyfriend, Haechan , who was laughing with your girl classmate . you , Haechan and your other classmate, Seungyeon, were assigned as a group for a class research. you were pissed. no not because your boyfriend was talking to another girl. no you were not that childish and petty. you were pissed because everytime you tried to suggest your ideas or opinions, Seungyeon would interrupt you , cutting you off completely. what you were really pissed about was that Haechan didn't even defend you. he smiled apologetically to you and listened intently to Seungyeon's words. you were also aware on how Seungyeon smirked here and there when she got your boyfriend's attention all to herself.

you honestly didn't care and could handle this well if it was a one time thing. the problem was, you had sat in the same cafe 3 times for the group discussion which went the same as today. you would always be cut off and you would be glaring at the both of them who were obviously flirting with each other more than discussing for the project.

you quickly stood and 'accidentally' slammed the table, startling the two flirts.

"i'm just gonna go to the ladies for a while,". you excused yourself. Haechan gave you a soft smile and nodded while Seungyeon rolled her eyes at you for interrupting her conversation with Haechan.

you went out of the cafe and decided to go to your bestfriend's place which was technically Haechan's house too.

your besfriend, Jeno, was Haechan's housemate. he was the one who introduced the two of you to each other. you've been ranting to him about Haechan's behaviour during discussion and told him about your insecurities. Jeno tried his best comforting you and you really appreciate his help.

Jeno opened the front door seconds after you knocked. "he messed up again?". you nodded to his question and entered the house. Jeno sighed and went to the kitchen. "drinks?". you shook your head as you placed your bag down. Jeno smiled softly and went to the sofa, sitting next to you. you scooted closer to Jeno and rested your head on his shoulder. you draped one of your arms on his stomach while Jeno wrapped an arm around you as he played with his phone . you felt the warmth that you've been craving for after your older brother passed away. Jeno was like an older brother to you and he protects you like how a brother does. your relationship was like a simple siblings relationship. there for one another though you guys always argue over petty things.

Jeno looked at your phone when he felt it vibrate a few times. he was about to ask you to pick up your phone but he noticed that you fell asleep. he quickly took your phone and answered the call before the vibrations wake you up.

"hey babe? where are you? why aren't you replying to my texts?". Jeno heard Haechan's voice from the other line.

"oh Haechan. yeah she's here. i guess she's just tired. yeah come back hurry, she is just taking a nap. alright, see you.". Jeno hung up and sighed. Jeno carressed your shoulders as you curled in closer to his chest. Jeno didn't want his bestfriend to get hurt. He didn't want his friend to be hurt too. he sighed for the nth time and hoped for the best.

once Haechan reached home, he stood still in front of his girlfriend who was literally cuddling his housemate. Jeno didn't seem bothered by his stare and woke you up calmly.

"hey wake up. Haechan is back.". Jeno said gently as he tapped your shoulder. Haechan smiled when he heard you groan as he found it cute. but his smile dropped and his fists curled when you buried your face into the crook of Jeno's neck and mumbled. "5 more mins". Jeno chuckled and pulled you off him gently as he stood up. Haechan was thankful for Jeno's actions or else he would have punched him in the face.

you opened your eyes slowly only to see your boyfriend staring at you. you wiped your eyes and was fully awake as if you haven't been sleeping for the past half an hour. your burning heart made it hard for you to think about sleep.

Jeno cleared his throat before excusing himself. "i'll be in my room if you guys need anything.".

Haechan nodded and sat beside you once Jeno was inside. "is everything okay?". Haechan asked softly. you rolled your eyes and stood up . you ignored him totally and went straight for the front door. Haechan quickly ran towards you and grabbed your wrist to stop you. "what is going on babe?!". you scoffed and turned to him. "what is going on? stop acting dumb Haechan! you know well what is wrong.". Haechan sighed and looked at you coldly. "is it because i talked to Seungyeon?". you pulled back you wrist and shook your head in disbelief.

"you know well that i don't mind you talking to other girls. i am not that petty and childish to get jealous over shitty things. heck, even your tablemate is a girl! did i get mad ? no!". you paused to take a breath.

"you. you didn't even defend me when Seungyeon bullied me! you listened to all her words--".

your words were cut by his. " i didn't want her to feel left out , that's all! i didn't want her to feel like a thirdwheel with us.". Haechan explained calmly as if what you said before didn't bother him. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

" really? didn't want her to feel left out but it's okay if i am put aside? it is okay that my opinions are not being listened? it is okay for a classmate to bully me like that?boys are really boys huh. you didn't even notice that she was giving me looks. you know what? Seungyeon is going to be so happy right now.". you paused to muster up all your courage. Haechan looked at you, confused with what you were going to say next.

"you're available starting this very second. go on and flirt with her all you want without having me as a burden.i'm breaking up with you Lee Donghyuk.".

Haechan knew he messed up bad when you stopped calling him by his nickname. Haechan shook his head and grabbed your shoulders. "no! i can fix this! i like you not her! please babe, please don't do this.". you pushed him away and wiped a tear that fell on your cheek.

"no. she is a bully. not to me only but to many more. and you. you're her accomplice. i don't associate myself with such people. people who took my brother away from me. i lost half of my heart already. i'm not losing my other half. not to someone like you. we are done Lee Donghyuck. now and forever.". it hurt you to say those things but you believed it was for your own good. you quickly ran out of the house, not giving Haechan a chance to say anything. Haechan was frozen from your words. He wanted to chase after you but his legs gave away. he was on the floor, clutching his chest while soft sobs echoed the living room. Jeno went out of his room softly and sighed when he saw his housemate. he quickly went beside him and patted his back to comfort his friend.

*it's for your best Haechan* Jeno thought as he felt like crying himself.

you didn't attend the next discussions. you decided to just do it on your own though it might affect your grade. you were more willing to act this way rather than hurt yourself and Haechan more.

"this is a very good research y/n. but I cannot give you higher than a C because rules are rules. this was supposed to be a group project hence one of the criterias is teamwork. i really love your project but i am very sorry.". your teacher said as she handed you your grade for the project. you smiled and thanked her. "it is okay Mrs Moon. it is what i deserve anyways. thank you.".

you went back to your seat and saw a glimpse of Haechan. he looked guilty when he heard the conversation between you an the teacher. he knew you've always worked hard in everything and try your best to get straight As. but because of him, your grade was affected. you ignored his stare and kept your graded assignment.

and that marks the end of your school semester as summer break has begun. you quickly packed your bag and ran to the school entrance as usual after your break up. you didn't want to bump into him. it's been about a month since then. he would text you and call you everyday since the break up but you of course ignored everything. you blocked his number and asked Jeno to tell Haechan not to bother you anymore. you wanted to heal. you wanted to move on. people might say that you're petty but you take your relationships seriously especially after the death of your brother. who commited suicide after his 'friends' stabbed him in the back. and especially because you never felt anything like when you were with Haechan before. Haechan has a very special space in your heart. till now. but you didn't want to ruin your precious memories with bitter ones. hence it was better for you to break up with him before more bitter memories were created, overflooding your precious ones.

~

you decided to apply for a job at a small cafe. a cafe owned by an elder couple. the cafe was small and didn't have a lot of customers but that was all you needed. peace. calmness.

you were serving your regulars when a new yet familiar face entered the cosy cafe. you held your head down and greeted the customer softly. you completed the regulars' orders before taking the next customer's order. "it's my first time coming here. my friend told me that the food here is good. but would you recommend me anything?". you nodded your head and pointed to the fudgy chocolate cake. you knew he loved chocolate so much. he always has a bag full of chocolates in his bag. he smiled and nodded. "i'll take that then and a cup of americano.". you keyed in his orders and quickly prepared them. he took his orders and went to a table nearest to the counter where he could see you work. you only sighed and pulled your cap down to cover your face while doing your work.

it was finally time to close the cafe. but he was still there. reading your shared favourite book. you took a deep breath and went up to him. "i'm sorry but we are closing the cafe now.". he looked up from the book and smiled. your breath hitched. the face that you have been missing and at the same time avoiding was looking straight at you right now. "can we talk a bit?". Haechan asked.

you knew this was coming. you knew you can't run from this forever. "sure,just let me clean some stuff up,".

the two of you were finally sitting opposite of each other, face to face. you looked at your fingers all the way. you didn't want to face him. not after hurting him. but you still believed he deserved it for hurting you too. you felt warm fingers wrapping themselves around yours. oh how you've missed his warm hands. "do you still like me?". he asked calmly. you kept quiet for a while before looking up to him with teary eyes.

"of course i still like you, Lee Donghyuck.". you replied.

Haechan smiled and squeezed your hand that he was holding. he was about to celebrate when you stopped him by pulling your hand away from him gently.

"but we are not meant to be with each other. i like you. i love you. but we can't be together. i want to thank you for all the precious memories that you've given to me. i would like to also apologise, for hurting you with my words. i was hurt too but this is the best for us. please, don't try and fix something that is already broken into pieces.".

Haechan gulped, restraining himself from crying. "i really messed up bad huh?". he said as he stood up quietly. "i wish the best for you. i hope you would find happiness someday.....

i love you.".

Haechan said before going straight to the door.

you watched his back walk without turning to look at you again.

*this is for the best. this for our best.* you thought as you wiped your neverending tears.

pics credits to the rightful owners💕