#i think there are many many critiques to be made of therapy that are not ''some boundaries... are kind of stupid!''

[sleepnoises]

I've thought about it and I don't like the Bustle deleterious effects of therapyspeak in friendships article

[kerryweaverlesbian]

If you are a teen drama with a definitive Main Character you can't have a 5-7 person main friendgroup in season one. You only have 10 episodes and 20% of each one is dedicated to party scenes, you have GOT to streamline some of these characters babes.

[nsharks]

white bandages (the process of healing) | simon "ghost" riley

part 2 to this fic. I will very likely have a part 3 to wrap things up. —tags: tw blood, ghost + therapy, mild angst, fluff too —running out of pictures to use of this man so this is an edit by @ave661

Fluorescent light falls over an unmasked face. It highlights every ridge of every scar, his shorn stubble, his pale skin. When was the last time Simon Riley took a good look in the mirror? He can't remember— there are many things he works hard to avoid, and his own name is scribbled at the top of the list.

That first night without you, he finds himself in front of the mirror and half expects to see a ghost staring back at him. A corpse, maybe.

But, instead, he sees a man who lives and breathes. A man whose need for sleep is evident in the grey blotches under his eyes. A man whose eyes are anything but empty.

I feel nothing.

No—a ghost feels nothing. A ghost would've been able to forget how you looked at him, your eyes wide with the same fear he used to stare at his old man in. But Simon is not a ghost, and he remembers the fresh images with a pain that starts in his ribs and works its way to the pit of his stomach. Burning. It is a pain so unfamiliar that he doesn't know what to do with it—

—so he seeks a pain that he does know.

Pain that bursts in his hand the moment it meets the mirror. Pain accompanied by the splintering of glass as he hits the mirror over and over, and not once does he make a sound or cry or anything of the sort. He just breathes heavily and, once the mirror is not much of a mirror anymore, he looks at his hand and sees the bits of glass and the blood, and - fucking hell - it does nothing to mask what he feels in his chest.

"Jesus Christ."

He sighs.

His breathing slowly begins to settle.

And then he gets out the medical kit he keeps in the cabinet, sits with it on his bed, and carefully picks out the glass from his hand.

He knows how to take care of this wound. Knows exactly what to do to fix it.

But there are some things Ghost— Simon— doesn't know how to fix; wounds that are far too deep for him to reach. And as he wraps his hand up with some gauze, he remembers what you'd said to him earlier that day, so damn caring and gentle, even in your desire to get away from him:

I think you need help. You deserve it, Simon.

------

You loved the snow.

One time, you made Simon build a snowman with you. Well— it was more like you building the snowman while he watched and critiqued it. Your snowman looks like he's seen some rough shit, pet. Jesus, where is his smile? You had pouted through your laughter, nudging his shoulder. You can't judge him for not smiling, Si. Just like I don't judge you for it.

Of course, you ended up with a handful of snow in your hair for that one.

Quite the mouth on you today, huh?

And then he was rolling his eyes and lifting up his mask to kiss you as your hands combed out the ice from your hair, and you swore you felt him smiling against your lips— but you could never know for sure.

You loved that snowy day with him.

But now—

Now you're not sure if you're so happy about the snow you wake up to.

It's been a week of space. Work has been your main distraction, and you know you need to get the fallen snow off your windshield before you can make it there today.

But when you walk out into the white morning with a coat slipped over your pajamas, you find that your car is already being cleared off by a familiar silhouette with broad shoulders and a black, winter coat.

The cold squeezes your chest. Your heartbeat is swallowed up.

Seven days ago, you had begged him for space. Seven days ago, you left his place with defeat thick in your veins.

Today, you're not sure what you feel as you simply stand there for a moment. Your cheeks bitten to pink by the air and your arms crossed over your body. You watch him draw the brush over the hood, so easily, with one hand stuffed in his pocket, but then his eyes are drifting up— up until they land on where you stand a few meters away, and your fingertips dig into the palms of your hands.

He's the first one to speak. A man of few words who leans the brush against your car and utters a simple:

"Hey."

"Hey," you clear your throat, "Um, why are you doing this?”

He takes a step closer to you, but only one. A tentative step that keeps a good gap between your bodies, where faint flakes of snow fill the space.

“I know we are havin’ space right now," he murmurs. Gentle, murky eyes hold your stare. He slips the hidden hand out from his pocket, only for a short moment, to brush off the snow from his other hand, and you spot the flash of white bandages before it disappears into his coat again.

"But I also know you're workin' today so I thought I'd just... make your morning easier.”

"Thanks," your eyes drift to the ground. "But I don't know— I'm not sure if I'm ready..."

"S'okay," he says, gruff yet incredibly careful, a tiptoe over what lays damaged. "I'm not askin' anything of you, alright?"

“Alright,” you say quietly before your eyes drift to his pocket. “What happened to your hand?”

You’re not sure why you are asking him, and you doubt if the truth will even leave his lips. Wounds— over a year with him, and you’d witnessed plenty. Wounds that you only ever found out about when your fingers would graze under his shirt as he fucked you, and you’d carefully ask what happened as you both lay there breathless. Nothin’ worth telling you about, was his usual answer.

But today, with a peppering of snow on his mask and a sigh pooling from his breath, he tells you earnestly, “Broke my bloody mirror, is what happened.”

“What?”

“Look— it’s not important, yeah? There’s somethin’ else… somethin' else I wanted to tell you before you go to work, and I don’t expect anythin’ from you, but I just thought I should tell you.”

“I— okay,” you blink rapidly, still hung up on the mirror part. But you nod your head and shift your weight from foot to foot, willing yourself to listen to what he wants to tell you because maybe your heart is beginning to thump firm, expectant beats against your ribs, and maybe there are flakes of hope peppering the defeat in your chest, just like the snow that dusts Simon’s shoulders.

But what Simon has to tell you feels like pebbles in his mouth. He’s not good with words; his failure with them seven days ago is a testament to that. These pebbles sit behind his teeth for a lingering moment, before he finds the strength to push them out between the cracks.

(Perhaps, it’s all your patience and care for even the darkest parts of him that has finally given him this strength.)

“I talked to someone yesterday,” he tells you.

He exhales immediately.

You’re not sure if you’ve heard him correctly at first - there is no way? - but the words hang in the cold air as he stares at you with lowered brows, studying the expression on your face, and your lips part open like a bloody koi fish because this is not at all what you expected him to say.

“Really?” you finally breathe, a lilt of relief catching at the end. “You did?”

“Get it free through the military,” he mumbles with a nod, clearing his throat. “Thought a lot about what you said, yeah?”

Numbly, you sputter again, “You did?” But then you shake your head and rub your arms, “Sorry, I mean— that’s so good to hear, Simon. That’s just… How was it?”

“Bloody difficult,” he admits in a mumble, and only you, the person closest to him these days, are able to detect the minor tremor in his voice. “But - fuck - I’m gonna keep doin’ it.”

“Maybe it’ll get easier,” you tell him, drawing an arm over your eyes.

“Yeah.”

“I’m… really proud of you.”

You’re not even fully aware of your crying— no, you’re too focused on the sudden warmth that floods your chest because it is now you realize that if there is no worse feeling than watching someone you care for refuse to help themselves, then there is also no better feeling than hearing that help is something they are finally seeking.

And you care about Simon.

You have for so long, even when the agreement was just sex. Even when you'd flinched away. Even when you spent a week distracting yourself from thoughts of him.

This agreement you shared had turned into care. And you care, you care, you care. You care so much that you forget about the space you'd begged him for in this moment that you rush over to him, closing the cold and hesitant gap as your arms wrap around his neck and your forehead presses into his coat.

But the body against you is stiff and unmoving.

Your smile of relief turns into something apologetic and confused when two strong hands gently push you away.

You peer up at him.

"Don't think that's a good idea, pet."

"What?" you exhale, frowning.

He puts his hands back into his pockets. "I've hurt you, yeah?"

"I know, but—"

"I never want to do that again," he murmurs firmly. "Need some more time before I can make that promise to you."

Your heart sinks and floats and tries to swim through everything you feel. You can't discern all the feelings— there's so much. A flood. He's looking down at you as if you are the most fragile thing and as if, even by just getting too close, he might frighten you again.

"More space, then?" you whisper, stepping back.

Where you'd been the one to start it, now you are the one disappointed by it.

The short nod he gives is confirmation, but before you can get too down about it, he allows this: his good hand reaching out to grab yours. He kisses your knuckles with warm, masked lips.

"I care about you," he murmurs against your hand. "So goddamn much."

"I care about you, too."

"I know," and he lowers your hand, carefully rubbing the back of it. "Wanna be the kind of man you deserve. But I need to—" and his bandaged hand lifts up to tap a finger against his temple, "Need to sort through all the shit in here, yeah?"

"Okay," you whisper, nod, and sniffle. "They'll help you with it. You just have to let them in, Simon."

But he doesn't have anything to say to that— his source of words is a bit depleted. This week has drained him in every way possible, visible to you in the bags under his eyes. A squeeze of your hand is the last thing he has to offer before he lets it go, and then he is off to finish clearing your car.

(Although, you already know you will have a hard time getting to work on time this morning.)

[genderkoolaid]

How do you respond to people who try to argue against various gender affirming surgeries with anorexic people wanting liposuction? I tried to point out that theres a lot of gender affirming surgeries for cis people who dont feel feminine/masculine enough, but my sister said that those people need therapy too. I feel that there's a difference between trans people and anorexic people but idk how to put it into words, im scared i accidentally made her more transphobic bc i didnt have arguments :(

Good question! It's important to question and critique our ideas of what separates "good, natural desires which should not be changed" from "bad, unnatural desires which should be changed," and I think sometimes trans people are too quick to reaffirm this binary in our attempts to defend transness.

I would say that the difference here is based in anxieties. Anorexia is born out of anxiety- which is to say, a persist concern over something that triggers strong emotional reactions and which you keep returning to over and over and over without resolution. Dysphoria can and does cause anxiety, but you can be dysphoric without having anxiety over it. You can have dysphoria, find relief, and be satisfied with your body, while there is never any satisfaction point with eating disorders. There is always a feeling of "not enough" because the desire to be skinnier is born out of anxiety over what it means to be fat & fatness' place in society (lesser value, moral weakness, medical abuse, etc.).

Like I said, dysphoria can and does cause anxiety. There are trans people who obsess over their bodies being too masculine/feminine because they are concerned with what it means for them to be too masculine/feminine: it means they aren't real, they are ugly, they're failure. And this is why its important for trans people to sit with our dysphoria and analyze it. If you are constantly worrying about your body being "real" enough, no amount of surgery or HRT will fix that (although it may fix many things).

Now, I am generally against any solution thats like "we should stop Those People from doing x because We know whats best for them!" because autonomy is a vital part of my beliefs, and I think that people rarely ever react well to being banned from doing something Because Mother Knows Best. The real goal with, say, EDs, is to get rid of the artificial desire for thinness by combating fatphobia (ah, if only all the anti-ED campaigns out there did this). The same with plastic surgery: I would much rather we focus on dismantling the system that makes people (esp. perceived women) feel they need to make their bodies fulfill the beauty standard, than saying that plastic surgery is Evil and we should stop anyone from ever getting it, because those little people aren't capable of using their basic right to bodily autonomy correctly. When we ban something, what we really want is to change people's desires. But that requires cultural change, and laws don't create cultural change out of thin air. Its like how yelling at your kids doesn't make them more honest or better people, it just makes them better liars.

Given that trans people exist in every society, potentially going back to the Stone Age, even after we unwork systemic misogyny & homophobia, trans people are still gonna want surgeries. So we should just work on combating those things instead of trying to control people's bodies.

[sysmedsaresexist]

What you're doing is incredibly brave. We really appreciate the risk you're taking sharing your journey. It's awesome to see someone so vocal and with such reach openly change their stance.

We wanna know some of your thoughts about something you've been saying in all of this, about CDDs being separate from endogenic plurality. Specifically, your thoughts on when the two do meet. Like, endogenic systems that get traumatized and develop CDD symptoms? Or CDD systems that practice headmate creation, and find created headmates working like the rest of their system? Or folks in either category that relate a lot with those in the other?

We're curious because we exist in that in-between; a system with DID due to trauma, but that doesn't view our plurality itself as coming from trauma.

And if you're not at all interested in that area of overlap, or in sharing those thoughts, no worries! Have a great day!

This is a pretty nuanced ask and each mod has a different view on things, so we'll all answer!

Mod Signal: I believe that endogenic plurality and the plurality found in CDD systems works differently, but that intersection you're talking about can exist. The majority of resources for CDD systems involve how to deal with trauma and different alters reactions to it. If an endogenic system goes through some shit and gets trauma later in life, and can get use out of grounding guides, or how to deal with flooding, I say use those guides (and literally anyone can improve their mental health from therapy as long as the therapist. You know. Isn't a cunt.) That being said. There are also endos who are very certain they're endos when they may have.... a bit more trauma than they thought. And that's normal. Incredibly so. But endogenic communities can lead to a bit more harm than good occasionally with those systems if they insist that the system in question isn't or couldn't be a cdd system, or encourages them not to look into resources on how to deal with trauma.

As far as purposefully created alters, they absolutely exist, and I know CDD systems that have created alters with it going ok, and CDD systems who have been *horribly* hurt trying. I've seen some tulpamancy guides out there that made me wince the whole time I've read them. Not because they're cringy, but because any time a CDD system fucks around with purposeful dissociation, it's Incredibly easy to fuck yourself up by accident. Even some guides to meditation can be harmful to systems if you don't go slowly and pay attention to your body (something that's already very, very easy to ignore if your system, like mine, is made of 90% pain holders lol).

It's for that reason that i haven't changed my pinned intro as "endo-neutral". I dont doubt endogenic plurality at all, but I still find a lot of critiques in the way the two communities mix. The labels are fucked anyway lol so. I dont know what label would best fit that stance. The problem does seem to be slowly fixing itself though. I'm happy that a lot of endos are leaning away from terms used by CDD systems. I view these problems for the most part as growing pains that will smooth themselves over as plurality in general becomes more accepted and more research about both sets of systems comes out.

Mod Quill: I’m feel like that’s a great jumping off point for me, someone who is so weird with syscourse that labels don’t fit me. I believe in endogenic plurality, I really do, but I also know this community has done so much harm to CDDs and vice versa. Part of me wants everyone to go to time out corners and think about what they’ve done.

In terms of the overlap between endogenic and CDD systems… I think defining it, at this point, is frankly meaningless, particularly for the reasons Signal stated. There’s so many endogenic systems who are actually CDD systems. On one hand, I want them to be able to access CDD spaces because, well, they have a CDD… but on the other, as someone who’s been horrifically damaged by endogenic spaces, who has spread a lot of misinformation and been fed a lot of misinformation due to those experiences… I’m wary of letting someone like that into a highly fucking traumatized space. (But I also have feelings about CDD spaces in general…)

At the end of the day, I feel like it’s not my place to draw that line. It’s up to each individual and their own system where they draw the line, and so long as it’s in-line with current understandings of CDDs and they don’t speak their personal experiences as if they’re gospel truth for all systems, I have no issues. If someone says they have endogenic DID (as in, they formed DID with absolutely no trauma), it’s not my place to directly confront that person and tell them that’s not possible; but if they shout from the heavens about how people are ignoring the truth, I’m going to post the truth as I know it, with sources to back it up.

The same goes for this overlap. A system who says “Hey, I have created alters, and I’m a DID system, and those things overlap?” Cool! Awesome! That’s actually my type of system. A system who goes, “Therefore, DID systems should split new alters for the benefits it has”? Allow me to traumadump about how my system completely destabilized due to that practice. The overlap is there, but it’s not for me to define for others; not unless they make their experiences universal.

Mod Robo: Oh boy, I have a lot of Thoughts on all of these questions! It's stuff I think about often. I love talking about all the in-betweens and overlaps, and I'd love to hear about your experiences too. Unfortunately, I don't think I can jam all of my thoughts in this post (it's already long enough) so I'll just talk about your first question.

First off, I want to say that I don't think it's all that unusual for someone with a CDD to feel like they've always been plural, even before their CDD. Of course, spiritual beliefs can play a role in that. Let's put spiritual reasonings aside though and look at it from a purely psychological view. It's our belief that all of our alters -- everything that can be them, will become them, etc. -- it's all there from the start. We don't believe that alters come out of a vacuum. All of my alters were born the day our body was born. Many of us did not exist as alters yet, but the foundation for us existed!

To give a personal example: some of us have memories of childhood that predate our existence as alters. These memories predate our knowledge of being a system or having DID. We've wondered how it's possible to have memories that predate our existence as alters. How is it possible for several alters to have these same memories, and feel as if it's their own but also not? How is it possible that we can't really attribute "who" those memories belong to other than just...us? All of us? It didn't fit into the mainstream idea that alters are supposed to be these distinct, clear-cut people sharing a body, with separate memories and no overlap, no utterance of our existence before becoming a separate alter.

Children aren't born with an integrated self. You probably know the whole spiel -- the mind integrates as you get older, blah blah blah. So, in our opinion, we were never not plural. We had an unintegrated mind full of parts as a child, and we grew up into an adult with an unintegrated mind full of parts and eventually a DID diagnosis.

I get that some people don't see themselves as existing before their CDD and that's okay, I understand that. I also relate to that, in a way! It can be weird to consider because you as the alter didn't exist until later on. But you as the brain did, if that makes sense.

All that being said, I believe that "endogenic CDDs" are a completely separate concept from "endogenic systems with CDDs." CDDs are diagnoses -- they have specified symptoms, diagnostic criteria, and treatment. Diagnoses are not people. You are. That's why plurality is such an incredibly personal thing, after all. We're literally talking about your own mind. Your self/selves. Your internal reality. No duh there are gonna be people who conceptualize and talk about it in different ways. Like, I firmly believe that's NEVER going to be clear cut and easy to understand.

OG Dude: First, I have to say, thank you to my mods. Their responses are fantastic, I support all of them. I brought them all in pretty early, and I wouldn't be where I am without them. Their pro/endo patience while I went back and forth, screamed and yelled... I love them. I love that they saw the good in me and decided to help me run this blog.

I agree with all that they said. For clarity sake, I'll give my own thoughts, even if they overlap or repeat.

I've posted from the beginning about how a lot of things that endogenic systems talked about were actually really normal in DID systems. Created alters, characters that take on life, MADD, loving your system, dysfunction in different areas of life, on and on. I think there's more intersection than a lot of people realize, but I really like how Robo talked about personal views. It took a really long time to realize that people defining their experiences in different ways isn't necessarily a bad thing, though it's unfortunate that sometimes this confuses systems that are still learning.

Yelling and screaming isn't going to help, though. There's another ask coming, this one about my thoughts on sophie, that I think will tie into this point and expand on it a lot more, so for now, I'll move on.

I don't have all the answers. I think CDDs are something extremely specific-- I think in a few more years, diagnosis will involve brain scans, biomarkers, and we'll be able to say with a lot more certainty where that line is, and what's different.

For now, I think I've learned that the best thing I can do for myself, and everyone else, endo or CDD, is just keep pumping out information.

A couple users on here are really good examples of these lines. They have CPTSD, PTSD, whatever else they've got going on, but they still hold the belief that their plurality and CPTSD are unrelated. It took a long time to come to terms with balancing respect for that self-determination, and my expectations of technology and the specificity of CDDs (meaning like, specific biomarkers).

In the end, I realized that it boiled down to, "are people getting the help they need?" Because in the end, that's all that matters, and if someone doesn't think they need help, why am I arguing? If someone does, who am I to keep them from resources?

What if that technology doesn't reach the mainstream, what if it's decades before it's refined enough to be financially feasible in diagnosis? What if people come out with the exact same brain structure as someone with DID and still refuse to admit that the plurality is related?

Well, shit, I don't know, but I'm guessing the answer is still going to be, "Don't yell at them, respect their self-determination."

I still firmly believe that plurality and CDDs are different things. I think that treatment for CPTSD and PTSD are different, and many endos without longterm, repetitive trauma in childhood have PTSD, and would benefit more from those spaces and resources than CDD/CPTSD spaces. However, I also admit that a general PTSD space isn't going to be prepared for the complex interplay of plurality and PTSD. All that said, it's not my job to tell someone which they have, my job should be to present information on both to everyone and let people come to their own conclusions.

It's hard, but it's a skill I'm still trying to learn. Seeing more people talk about their experiences is probably the only thing that's going to help make it easier.

[mamadarama]

I was going through some posts I missed and came across the “tatsumi is mature but still does 19 year old things” and I just wanna say I’ve never been able to put it into words when my friends ask but like. That’s exactly what I love about this game.

We’ve got scandals and drama and weird crypto currencies and convoluted backstories of implied murder or identity theft or military shit or relations to underground gang activity or so SO much more and yet the writers still succeed in reminding you that this is a game full of high schoolers.

Natume was one of the five oddballs and suffered through so much during the war where it affects him to this day, but he also refers to his tech savvy and love of the occult as magic and loves the junior he “adopted” to death. Despite Aira struggling against every odd to become a real idol he still buys merch and looks on the internet to look for content of the ones he likes. Rinne was destined to become the monarch of his homeland but ran away in an attempt to find happiness and acceptance and is an amazing strategist who uses it to take down corruption, but his sense of humor is entirely made up of sex jokes and romantic teasing like Aira being “hiiro’s little girlfriend”. The amount of characters that assign themselves the mom friend role just because. Trickstar. I don’t think I need to explain Trickstar-

Like this game has made me cry so many times and it has its ridiculous moments but it also has its genuine ones while also being the most teenage shit I’ve seen in my life and I feel like so few media can balance those and still have a decent story like that. Sorry for the long ass post I just have so many feelings about this kind of stuff 😭

YEAH this is exactly what i was talking about in a previous ask when i said i have nothing meaningful to add to the enstars cast that isnt a headcanon . its all very well thought out and the interpersonal relationships are nuanced enough to feel realistic but outlandish enough to be interesting .

worldbuilding and character design is one of my special interests and i say this any chance i can get: the most important part of building a character (and a story in general) is realizing the importance of comedic irony and comedy as a whole regardless of genre or tone. it makes characters feel more 3 dimensional and relatable because people arent stagnant and theres multiple facets to any individuals personality (this is also why some of the most popular animes of all time have filler episodes or funny bits that show the characters personalities, every event hits with 3x emotional impact the more you know about the characters as people but that's a different discussion) enstars does a really good job of this . like for example if wataru were to have had a realistic reaction to eichi starting the war it wouldnt be nearly as good of a story. the fact that eichis ridiculous ass backwards plan to get wataru to fall in love with him actually worked is a perfect example of comedy used to make a story more interesting. another thing similar to this is how sometimes its better to not detail something and let characters do things for a mundane reason or even no reason at all . for example subaru hating chiaki just because he annoys him, or shinobu being on the broadcasting team despite his character not being associated with technology otherwise and therefore having no real backstory on why he likes radio stuff. its all really well planned worldbuilding with an insane amount of subtle details , which is why enstars is one of my favorite stories to analyze . the only thing i could possibly want more out of it is hardcore tragedy but thats entirely a personal preference rather than a critique because im a slut for catharsis and i love sad endings , especially ones where characters die . (don't worry im in therapy)

[nerdieforpedro]

Doing Nothing vs. Nothing You Can Do

Chapter Two of Therapy for Well-Adjusted People

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Word Count: 1975

Summary: Imani makes an emergency appointment for an incident at work with Dr. Julep. Marcus receives some concerning news and talks to Dr. Mint about it.

Warnings: Mention of death, Death in a workplace, PTSD, anxiety, depression

Notes: I recently had a death at work of one of my coworkers so I’m working it out in my writing. 👀 Given when I’m posting this, it was in April of this year. I still wonder at times if I’m sane but I also think that the definition of sanity can be subjective at times. Point is, Nerdie is self-indulgent as always. She’s all up in her own writing. 👏🏽

Main Masterlist/ Marcus Pike Masterlist/ AO3 Link

Imani Coleman arrived at her last minute appointment with Dr. Julep. It was urgent that it needed to be today. She honestly wanted one yesterday but the office was closed by the time she got off work. It was insane that she’d finished her shift. All of them finished their shifts like that didn’t just happen.

There was an emergency number she could call but she didn’t feel it was necessary but she still needed to see her therapist, just to get the feelings out. To have someone listen. Had she not been so frazzled by the event this week, she would have noticed that a tall, handsome man in plaid held the door open for her. She smiled, but it was polite, she didn’t pay any attention to the man other than the red flannel. That stuck out to her but as she sat down in the waiting area, the idea floated away.

At first she’d spread out, ‘claiming her space’ as her friends and even her therapist told her to do, but she checked her phone. All the people messaging one another about the incident today, how it affected them, remembering how many people came together afterward. Imani closed herself back off and held her belongings closer to herself. However silly, she felt safer that way, for a few moments, it felt like she was being watched. Looking up at the front desk, Vernon was focused on his computer screen. No one else had come in. Imani chased that thought away. Unless some patient or family member was watching her to try and critique what she was doing, no one was looking at her that intensely.

Thankfully, Dr. Julep emerged from her office, greeting Imani and having her follow her to her office. She nodded and walked silently, out of character for her as she usually had a joke or two on the way and even after getting settled on the couch. The doctor sat at her tall stuffed white chair which made her black button down shirt and pencil skirt with red heels stand out all the more. Dr. Julep had scarlet hair with purple rimmed glasses that she put on for reading and when she took notes during sessions. She was a few inches taller than Dr. Mint, making her 6’3” without heels, long, well-defined, muscular legs were crossed and on display. Their cinnamon tone is bright from the natural sunlight from the windows. Some might say she has transitioned, others would claim that she was a man diving head first into their feminine side. What could not be disputed, was track record as a therapist with people and communities who didn’t feel served by many mental health and therapists at large. It’s why Imani came here for this practice. It was the only one that took her seriously.

Dr. Julep is watching Imani carefully. She’s set her belongings down, but hasn’t sat. Instead, the nurse is pacing, pressing her hands together in alternating fists. She doesn’t think she’d become violent or anything, but something is eating at her. The voicemail wasn’t clear and just stated that it was imperative that she talk to her.

“Imani. Dear, if you don’t want to sit yet, that’s okay, but please talk to me.” Still fiddling with her fingers, she gazes in her direction and takes a shallow breath. “I can’t help unless you tell me why you needed to see me today. It’s very clear it is something.”

“I couldn’t scream. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shake things and just sit in a corner and cry, but that’s not professional. Doesn’t help the patients.” Imani finally stops, but just stands. She doesn’t sit yet. She’s looking down, rubbing her palms together in a circle. “I mean, it’s a hospital. The patients are our priority, but it’s also a job. So serious but also not so serious. I went with the others to pay my respects. I…I…had just spoken to him that morning. I said good morning. He was sitting and I was getting some ice or drink or something. He was sitting there in the refreshment room. I thought maybe he just needed a break like we all do, you know?”

Dr. Julep can tell that this isn’t like her at all but lets her continue. It’s a jumbled mess, but from what she can gather, it involves possibly a patient or this man she’s talking about. “Okay. We do all need a break. Was he on a short break?”

Imani nods, it’s then that the tears start flowing. “He never made it from his break. One of the staff members came to get me to check his blood sugar. She was able to and it was okay, so was his blood pressure. We told him, his manager told him and other people told him to go down to the emergency room (ED). He just kept saying that he needed to rest. I just kept working. They’ve been on us about having the vitals and stroke assessments timely and I can see that damn woman tapping her watch with her finger telling us our assessments are late. Plus my stroke patients both have NG (nasogastric) tubes and the one, a ninety-two year old man is in bilateral wrist restaurants which requires documentation every two hours. And that’s just two of my patients, I had three more. But it’s still no excuse…none at all.” Finally she plopped down on the couch, her vision bleary from her tears.

The good doctor stands and takes a box of tissue off her desk and sits next to Imani on the couch, she gives her the box and she blows her nose. “It’s no excuse for what Imani? What do you feel you didn’t do? It sounds like there was plenty to do just with those two patients.”

“There were people going back and forth, trying to get him to go. I saw a friend of mine bring a wheelchair to him, but then everyone said he fell and hit his head. They presume after trying to stand up. They worked together to lift him on the stretcher and get him down to the ED. They said he was scared and they were trying to comfort him by telling him he’d be okay. But I remember how sick he was when he was a patient at our hospital before. I took care of him for a few days. I thought he was better. Another friend went down to check on him but they called a code blue on him…when she said they were still working on him. I knew then…The longer a code goes, the less chance you have of getting the back. He died. He came to work that morning, was working and was dead. I paid my respects to him with the others…at least he looked peaceful I guess. But then we all…just continued working. They had a 30 minute grief thing but then we all finished our shifts. I cried just like I’m crying now, but it’s especially when things like this happen where I wonder if I've been fundamentally desensitized.”

“My dear, is it alright if I hug you? Feel free to say no.” Dr. Julep opened her arms and Imani hugged her. They sat in silence for a few minutes as she sobbed. The appointment ended with no words spoken other than Imani thanking her for taking her call and making an appointment for her today. The nurse left once she had another appointment set up for later in the week.

Marcus found himself at the offices of Dr. Mint and Dr. Julep a second time that week. He hadn’t planned on it, but he’d gotten a call from his supervisor, stating that those two hot dogs were trying to press charges against him. Marcus showed restraint in not calling Patrick Jane and Teresa ‘hot dogs’ over Zoom call, but he was assured by his supervisor that they didn’t have a leg to stand on because in addition to Pike telling Jane not to interfere in the pursuit, so did the squad leader and field leader as well. They had already written their statements along with the other agents who were there and those who’d been in the office. Marcus spoke with Dr. Mint about the fact that the Janes had the audacity to even try to bring charges against him. For an accident, one that would have been prevented if he had listened to any of the three people that told Patrick to stay put.

After his session with Dr. Mint Marcus had his leather jacket draped over his left arm as he was making a follow up appointment with Vernon who was chatting him up about a Wizards game he was going to see later. “They usually lose, but I’ve got floor seats with my husband. He loves them for reasons I don’t understand, but he’s cute when he’s excited like that.” It was then that Dr. Julep walked Imani out to the waiting area. The statuesque therapist was wearing a tan dress with black ankle boots. She patted the nurse on her shoulder and went back to her office.

Marcus recognized the woman who’d been wearing a blue dress when he first saw her. He smiled and stepped back to allow her to be at the front desk and make her follow up appointment too. Today she was wearing a pale yellow cold shoulder top with ¾ sleeves, black capri leggings that displayed her caramel calves. She had on simple black flip flops with white nails, likely from a mani-pedi. She had on pink lip gloss and was chatting with Vernon about the Wizards game too. Marcus waited and hoped it wasn’t weird, well too weird. The elderly gentleman grinned and nodded his head in Marcus’ direction, whispering to Imani, “You have an admirer dear.”

Imani didn’t turn around yet, Pike can hear them, they both suck at whispering. It’s endearing though. “Do I? If he’s here, it could be a huge red flag or a green flag.”

“Green flag dear. He’s got a leather jacket and one of those…henley’s I think.” Marcus laughs and Imani looks back, turning to face this tall, broad and handsome copper toned man who was indeed wearing a red hanley, holding a black leather jacket, wearing dark wash jeans with black nikes.

“Hello…” Imani cleared her throat and swallowed some saliva that had gathered. She placed a hand over her chest and then placed back on the desk, leaning on it to appear more relaxed than she was. This was her admirer? Here’s to hoping Vernon’s right and he is in fact a green flag.

“Good afternoon. I’m Marcus. A walking green flag apparently.” Pike took two steps forward, but kept a foot away from her so as to not invade her space. “You two are very funny and yes I am an admirer.” Imani chuckled and extended her hand, he took it and shook it while they gazed at each other.

“How long have you been an admirer of mine, Marcus?”

“Long enough to where Vernon’s kept track of it but not so long that you should feel weird about it Ms. Imani.” They let go of each other’s hands and didn’t know what to do with them. Imani fiddled with her purse and Marcus went to his pockets.

“Hmm.” She used her index finger and thumb to grasp her chin. “Maybe we should get lunch, I’m a little hungry. Are you? And please call me Imani.”

Flashing a bright smile at her suggestion, he nodded. “I think I could go for some food. Where do you want to eat?” Imani waved goodbye to Vernon as Marcus opened the door for her and they left the office in search of lunch.

Peeps who have secret admirers (green flags) ✅: @megamindsecretlair @jessthebaker @avastrasposts @jeewrites @josephquinnswhore

@survivingandenduring @readingiskeepingmegoing @bishtrouille @morallyinept @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @rosecentaur1916 @westside-rot @rulexofxnines

@inept-the-magnificent

Chapter One. Chapter Three

[bioethicists]

hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

[theghostofashton]

wip wednesday

thank you to @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @paperstorm @bonheur-cafe @strandnreyes @carlos-tk @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut for the tags!!

in honor of you saw the truth in me hitting 500 kudos, here's a little from a prompt fill i'm working on in this universe <3

“Are you sure?” are the first words out of Carlos’s mouth when TK finishes explaining. He reaches for him, brown eyes wide and questioning, and TK allows himself to be pulled against Carlos’s chest. His hands, which have been shaking since he started talking, wind around Carlos’s middle, and still. Carlos reaches his arms up TK’s back and around his shoulders, and tugs him even closer. “Baby,” he says, the word muffled into TK’s hair. “We don’t have to.” TK fights the urge to pull away, the part of him that wants to instinctively cut himself off from all of this. Carlos cares and he should, because it’s important. He still has to keep reminding himself of that. How you feel is important. It’s been a long couple years in therapy, unpacking all the reasons he’s ever felt like it wasn’t. All the conversations and comments and critiques that have made it the loudest voice in his head, most days. He’s been on far too many sets at far too early hours of the morning, being screamed at by directors who didn’t give a shit about how he was feeling, didn’t care about anything but keeping things moving so they could make their days. And over the years, he learned to be okay with it, had himself convinced that they were yelling at him for good reason, that him needing a break after five straight hours because he was drained was the wrong way to feel.  The reality, he’s been learning, is that his feelings are too important to shove down and force himself not to care about, ever again. It’s hard. But he’s trying. TK lifts his head and moves his hands to either side of Carlos’s face, meeting his eyes. “I want to. It’s not- I think I really want to do this.” “Wait.” Carlos looks at him, eyes widening, seemingly processing. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” TK bites his lip. “Maybe?” “That’s big,” Carlos says, after a couple of moments of silence. TK doesn’t know how he feels and he hates it.

open tag for anyone who'd like to share <3

[androgynousblackbox]

Sometimes I feel like the only person who loves seeing media critiquing capitalism, talking about class, and just don't like at all the Menu. Like, I saw a video of someone saying that the movie is really about violence and how "if you want a violent revolution, then you are just as bad as the people who want to exterminate you", and I also don't vibe that, but also I don't really buy into the whole "oh, this movie is about destroying the elite and literally eating the rich", like.... I can see parts of that, but more than anything is... meh. I still think it's kinda weak even after seeing reaction and review videos from people who do actually work on that industry, who understood the little nuances behind the dishes and what not. I guess my biggest issue is the main guy. Like, he makes this huge fucking deal about how he has come to hate everything he does, about how he wants to punish the people who don't appreciate his work, who are so filthy rich that take it for granted, and I am here like but, my guy, you are part of this industry too. You made it so the people who work with you in this bullshit island idea have no life outside of this. You created this shit. Nobody forced you into doing this. You made this hell. You put yourself on it. Why should I root for you to take it out on people who did nothing to you? Taking it back to that "this movie is about violence on both side of social conflict", fuck that shit because oppressed people did fuck all to be on that position. They didn't choose to live that life and they did nothing to deserve it. This guy literally couldn't have done anything to reach that place that wasn't his own will. So I am fucking ass confused as to WHY people are taking this movie as some kind of "fuck you" to the elite class, when the "fuck you" comes from a part of the elite that prefers to do anything before going to therapy? Like the first death is an angel investor and like, sincerely, just why is this guy being punished for giving you the money for this stupid bullshit you wanted to make? I just never get a sense that either he or the movie is aknowledging this? Like, what, I am supposed to feel bad because making a simple cheeseburger is fulfilling for him and he forgot that while he was making those fancy ass dishes? Why was just giving up this island bullshit and getting your own restaurant with cheesburgers not an option here? "Uh but then we wouldn't have the movie" doesn't cut it for me. Why are we treating this like a tragedy that just happened to this guy, and that is why he has a right to lash out, instead of just his own fucking choices? And like, if you tell me "my guy, this is just a horror movie. It's supposed to be unhinged. If every serial killer went to therapy instead of doing unhinged evil things we won't have a genre anymore" and like, fine, sure, but then why are people treating it like it's something bigger than that? Why I see so many people being on the side of this guy or even rooting for him? I don't get it, I truly don't.

Like, when he starts monologuing about why everyone is going to die and he just shit in John Leguizamo because he did a bad movie that he went to see on his one free day, I am just like bitch, you are your own boss. You did that to yourself. And you can watch more than one movie in a day? He didn't want that role either, the fuck are you on about. Maybe that is just part of the comedy, it's supposed to be just one joke about how truly petty and nonsensical this bullshit has turned into, which like good, fun, but then that really clashes with that being on his side. I don't want to be on the side of a guy who shits on actors for just doing their job with bad scripts they didn't write. It's confusing to me seeing people saying "this movie is a true criticism of class while something like Saltburn is not" and maybe that is the thing about art, that everyone is supposed to have different interpretations and tastes and whatever, but I feel like a fucking alien seeing this kind of discourse pop out because I just fundamentally disagree with it. I don't even know if it's a me thing that I don't understand or it's a gringo thing somehow? I don't know, it's weird.

[a34trgv2]

In Defense of Justin Bieber

Among the many musical artists that are celebrated as icons in the eyes of the public, you'd be hard pressed to find one as divisive as Justin Bieber. Despite his immense popularity and devoted fanbase, critics and Internet users worldwide have been throwing harsh critiques and cringy memes at his expense since he rose to stardom. I've seen first hand how the fame and negativity surrounding Justin has afrected him, both physically and mentally. For this post that is about a decade late to the party, I'll be discussing why Justin Bieber is not just a talent musician, but is also a really good person deep down.

In the mid to late 2000s, Justin was a talented kid from Ontario covering songs from the likes of Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, Usher, Alicia Keys, and Edwin McCain among others on his YouTube channel. He was discovered by his manager, Scooter Braun, and released hit after hit before he was even 15. In addition to having wonderful singing chops, Justin was very skilled on guitar, drums, and piano. Justin's musical prowess made him a local celebrity in his hometown of Stratford, but after releasing his debut single One Time, he was an international celebrity. It was with his debut album, My World 2.0, that he became a global phenomenon as it sold 283,000 copies in it's first week. The lead single, Baby, featuring rapper Ludacris, also became a smash hit with the accompanying music video raking in millions of views. All this is to say, Justin made it huge in the music industry, but unfortunately not everyone was happy about it.

With the millions of fans Justin Bieber had, he also had just as many detractors. It'd be one thing if some people weren't a fan of his songs or thought his singing was adequate at best or even if they just brushed him off as a trend that would be forgotten about in a week and thought nothing of it. But oh how wrong I was for thinking we lived in a sensible society. The music video for Baby became the most disliked video on Youtube at the time and many comments were crude, nasty, unfunny, and hurtful. And that was tame compared to all the other stuff Justin had to go through for the next few years. He's had things thrown at him while performing, grown adults were making hit pieces and slams against him, and paparazzi were hounding him on his personal life. This was all done maliciously for the sole purpose of gaining clicks and 15 seconds of fame. None of these people ever took into consideration that Justin Bieber was still a child and all this negativity being thrown his way is gonna give him anxiety and depression.

And what do you know?! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT FREAKING HAPPENED!!! Yes, I'm well aware Justin did some stupid and irresponsible things during the 2010s, such as reckless driving, vandalism, DUI, and resisting arrest. All that said, though, the root problem with all of Justin Bieber's controversies was that he was L-O-N-E-L-Y! Imagine being one of the most recognized people in the world and not having any real friends to comfort you. Outside of immediate family, Justin had nobody, no one to vent his frustrations to. And he didn't try to hide the fact that he wasn't happy either. This was most evident in the song Where Are U Now, where the lyrics ask where the person he cared about is now that he's going through it. While the song had several other writers besides him, I think this was Justin's way of asking for help during the worst time in his life.

The bulk of the blame for Justin Bieber's depression and anxiety should go squarely to his manager. Scooter Braun may have been instrumental with putting Justin on the map, but the way he handled Justin's career and his mental health was just despicable. Justin should've taking a hiatus after the My World Tour to recharge his batteries. Justin also should've been in therapy, spend as much time with his family as he wants, and have paparazzi be forbidden to take photos of Justin without going through security first. That would imply that Scooter was a good manager and not this generation's Col. Tom Parker. Yeah, that's how bad he is; Justin should've fired him years ago.

Naysayers that think he's nothing but a teen heartthrob that swims in his riches like Scrouge McDuck clearly ignore his philanthropy and Christian upbringing. In 2011 he donated proceeds from his concerts to the Japanese Red Cross following the disastrous earthquake and tsunami of Tohoku. He's also a big supporter of Pencils 4 Promise, a charity that builds schools in developing countries. He was also one of 85 artists that participated in the We Are The World 25 For Haiti song that gave support to Haiti during their disastrous earthquake in 2010. He's also a big advocate for mental health (for obvious reasons), with his recent donation of $100k to Julie Coker, a fan that works in mental health awareness, as proof positive. Justin is a believer in God, though unlike religious nut jobs like Kirk Cameron, he doesn't shove his beliefs down people's throats. Rather he showcases his beliefs by example. He attends Churchrome, was baptized in Jesus' name in 2014, and led worship at SoFi Stadium with fellow Christian artists Kari Jobe and Cody Carns. As a fellow Christian who also struggles with anxiety and depression day by day, Justin has my respect for still being faithful even after everything that's happened to him.

Justin Bieber isn't some privileged brat who let fame get to his head and destroy his mental health. He's an earnest young man from Ontario who had a passion for music, got his big break, and rode an emotional rollercoaster he was essentially forced on and is now suffering the long term consequences. Underneath the big name celebrity exterior is a good man who loves music, is a strong advocate for mental health, uses his platform to inspire others. Best of all he's married to a beautiful woman and is on his way to being a father. He definitely deserves to live a long and prosperous life, especially to see his child grow up and one day say, "My Dad is the greatest."

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

I spent 40 minutes in therapy today talking about the role of narrative and self creation in Taylor’s interview, and how she acts in her life as the main character- she steps into her power. Which is of course a story I was telling about myself, too. And I’ve been thinking a lot about symbolism and fairy tales, and I just… love that Taylor is embracing her symbolic role as the people’s pop princess. I appreciate the scale of her cultural contributions, including introducing an entire generation of young women to a new vision of ourselves as subjects rather than objects in music (and yes, for many of us, our first taste of “modern” feminism that felt a whole lot better than the version my mom’s generation ascribes to which feels more like “you don’t need any help because you are independent”. By putting it so simply in 2014 during the cultural wave of legalizing queer marriage, Taylor made being a feminist cool. She gave me the basic language to seek out and begin exploring intersectional feminism on my own as a bright eyed 17 year old girl).

I think the part that bothers me most about the reductionist discourse - is she “good” or “bad”- is that it conflates Taylor’s real life with her symbolic place in pop culture. The discourse about her every move distills a full complete human woman down to her reputation as either the evil queen/witch/capitalist, or the slut, or the wife, or the crazy ex. And then, once the role is chosen, she mirrors how “good” the person discussing her imagines themself to be. I’d personally rather view her as the hero because that’s the kind of agency I am trying to empower myself with.

The confusing part is that lots of people have really wonderful sharp critiques of what Taylor’s real life symbolizes about our world, but those messages come out as personal attacks on a real human being, often by belittling her intelligence, accomplishments, impact, and character- as if none of us have ever been friends with a shitty person, or been a shitty person ourselves (sometimes even repeatedly). For example, I am fascinated by the white feminism phenomenon that emerged during the 1989 era, and by the monetizing of self care, the rise of influencer culture, and how it reflects on the political landscape over the last 10 years, and how my development from girl to woman was impacted by all of it- none of that discussion requires a decision on if Taylor herself is good or bad. We can’t keep reducing each other, including celebrities, down to binaries of “good” or “bad.” If we can’t even humanize the one stranger we all know intimately, what does that say about our capacity to grow from our own mistakes? To help each other grow?

One of the core things that builds people’s movements is working toward shared goals even if you disagree on some things- I’d rather have Taylor Swift as the symbolic person of the year, speaking about getting in touch with her emotions and rising from trauma stronger than before, working hard for her goals, being proud of her accomplishments, and loudly celebrating women, than another war criminal politician 🤷🏼‍♀️. There’s so much juicy stuff to digest from her crowning as Person Of The Year (including critiques of capitalism and white feminism!) and it just sucks that people are stuck on “is she good or bad,”preventing them from actually engaging with the interview as an enormous pop culture moment. And during the biggest labor movement in history! She’s up there talking about a patriarchal industry exploiting her and other musicians! She’s talking about recovering from an eating disorder and loving her past selves! She’s talking about staying true to herself even when the entire world is watching her every move. It is important, regardless of if she meets everybody’s personal standards of “good” or “bad.” Nobody is required to like her! We can all have different boundaries for different relationships- I might not be friends with Taylor swift in real life, but I have no problem appreciating her art and listening to her unique perspective. The haters are missing the point- she symbolizes unity, joy, fun, love, healing, family, trying to be better, forgiveness and women’s empowerment. She also symbolizes nuance and disagreement. She symbolizes gossip and cyber bullying and cancel culture. She symbolizes coming of age in a traumatizing world. She symbolizes perseverance and the value of owning your own work. She means something different to everyone because she is a mirrorball. What does she symbolize to you?

[lygise]

"When it was pointed out to [Ellen] Bass that she seemed to offer not one but several explanations of repression, she protested that her theories about why children repress memories were based on common sense. "Maybe I don't even think a lot about why people repress," she then said. "I can't necessarily give you the arguments that would be convincing. I can't give you the research proof, but I don't really operate like that in the world. I'm a really commonsense, practical person." The idea of sexual abuse is so horrible, she offers, that it just made sense that a child's consciousness couldn't hold such an experience. Asked if there was any scientific research to back up any one of her theories, she said: "Look, if we waited for scientific knowledge to catch up, we could just forget the whole thing. My ideas are not based on any scientific theories. As you can hear, I don't really have too many theories."

Like many who promote recovered memory therapy, instead of sticking with one theory about repression, Bass chooses to cover all the bases...Anyone intent on critiquing the theories of memory repression must get used to a moving target." "Examining sixty years of laboratory research directed at finding evidence for the current idea of repression, Holmes concluded that "At the present time, there is no laboratory evidence supporting [this] concept of repression." Those who support the idea of repression, Holmes notes, tend to agree with his conclusion that the experimental evidence is not on their side." - excerpt from Making Monsters by Richard Ofshe

[drdemonprince]

i tried doing a search (although tumblr’s search function is basically useless) and didn’t see anything so feel free to pass over this if you’ve already answered it, but do you have any thoughts/essays about self help books? twice in the last year someone has recommended I read a couple (one rec was from a therapist) but I’ve always felt alienated by them, which made me feel like I was Doing Therapy Wrong. how do you differentiate between a self help book with actual merit and one that’s just useless pop psych?

Prescriptive fiction is a very wide genre with a really large readership, and it's also one where the intellectual rigor expected of its authors is not exactly high. The diversity of quality is pretty staggering. And much of the genre leans on an appeal to authority that deserves very little weight -- the fact an author has a PhD or an LSCW is really not a good reason to believe any claims they make about how one should live their life. That's not something scientific evidence can answer, even if these authors had strong support for their claims, and many of them don't.

All of my books are classed as prescriptive fiction (the industry term for self help) and I've always aspired to be really thorough in my sources and citations and to note the caveats to the research I'm leaning on, both in the text and in my work's index. and there are certainly greats in the genre. but even most of the self help books I find myself recommended suffer from the overly generic language, broad examples, lack of systems analysis, and latent regurgitation of the culture's predominant values that the shittiest of self-help books dole out in huge heaps.

Like, I love Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People and even those books have those problems. Brene Brown's best stuff still takes a degree of baseline fatphobia as a given and tacitly endorses it. Jess Fern's Polysecure reinforces very capitalist notions of independence. and on and on. I like these books and authors! But digesting them carefully and critically remains essential. Same is true of my shit of course.

I don't think there's a shortcut to developing one's own power of discernment but for becoming more discerning with pop psych books I'd recommend:

Reading a lot, and reading widely

Paying attention to who backs up their claims with sources

actually reading up on those sources to see if they genuinely support the point the author is trying to make

Reading not only books, but journal articles, reviews, collected chapters, blogs, critiques, etc

Noticing gaps in the authors' awareness, especially regarding systems of oppression or intersections thereof

Leaving lots of notes in the margins or in a notebook as you read, tracking your own reactions to things -- which ideas seem underdeveloped or cliched, which tips seem applicable to only some situations but not others, lingering questions you have, internal contradictions you have noticed, ways in which one book disagrees with another that you've read

talking with your therapist about what you've been reading and getting their reactions

Talking about the books with others, comparing and contrasting other people's experiences

and basically just continuing to do all of that with any thing you ever aspire to learn about until you die lol. there's a lot of charlatans out there in the self help book world, but there are also a lot of reasonably accomplished scientists and therapists who have helpful insights to share but write in frustratingly simplistic ways because that's a hallmark of the genre and what publishers believe laypeople need in order to understand. this means it can be difficult sometimes to tell the difference between a decent idea put way too simply and a shitty idea phrased compellingly. but i think basically the only way one gets better at telling the difference is by reading a lot and thinking a lot. this stuff comes pretty naturally to me now but that's only because i've spend about two decades doing it nonstop.

[llycaons]

surprise! I read volume 1 of svss

conclusion:

okay, on a serious note - I know, I know, but the curiosity was really getting to me, and I like to know what I'm dealing with when I criticize something (if you were following me when I decided to read the mdzs novel, you'll remember I did the same thing then). anon who asked me if I'd ever read it because they wanted to hear my thoughts and I said no - well, if you're still out there, you got your wish. but only volume one (1/4 of the full story). read on for my impression and review.

many thanks to jana @neixins for being my discord reading buddy for this project! her support, insights, and companionship made this far more entertaining than it would have otherwise been

fun fact before we start: I don't know why svss is exclusively referred to by its english acronym, but the acronym for its mandarin title would be RZFZX (full title Rén zhā fǎnpài zìjiù xìtǒng). I suppose svss (or SVS, or SV) is snappier

this is the official translation I'm reading, and the writing style is fine. definitely easier to parse than orv. and the art really is lovely

tw for discussion of grooming, abuse, and rape

brief overview of the plot: protag shen yuan, a modern-day young adult, is reading a long, terrible male power fantasy/stallion novel and complaining about how contrived and stupid it is. he dies at the moment he finishes reading and is transmigrated into the novel in the body of the infamously cruel and sadistic teacher of the protag, shen qingqiu. he knows that the young protagonist of the novel (luo binghe) will enact terrible revenge on the teacher when he grows up for all the abuse he suffered under sqq's hands, so he tries to make nice and get the lbh to like him

shen yuan (now sqq) has to navigate the rules of the system while trying to save his own skin, avoid acting ooc while trying to be nice to the mc, advance the plot, get 'badass points', and resolve the issues that led to the work being of such poor quality. his modern, internal monologue contrasts with his scholarly air in very funny ways, and his constant critiques of the writing are likewise fairly humorous commentaries on lazy and stereotypical writing

however, the parodies of contrived, cliched, and foolish writing tropes do not stop mxtx from writing these very same tropes into later works like mdzs or tgcf, nor does her pointing out those tropes automatically make her book good, so it's an incredibly exasperating experience. I thought she improved since writing mdzs, but it seems like she knows that what she's doing is cliched or pandering but she does it anyway. much like sy, we're exasperated because this could have been a really cool work and the execution is just not what it could have been

this book also has the dubious honor of being the only mxtx book to reference incest without condemning it or recognizing it's disgusting

I do think mxtx has a genuine talent for critiquing sexist and absurd romance tropes for straight couples, but she writes as if whatever gay people do to each other is fine. readers of tgcf and mdzs will know....in fact as much as I hate to say it, the moment in mdzs where wwx apologizes for assaulting lwj is one of the better ways she's handled these things. of course it's ruined later because lwj literally doesn't care he's been raped and they move past it immediately etc. but I would be shocked if the inappropriateness of the svss relationship is EVER addressed, so mdzs may actually be the one where it's handled slightly better. we know the age gap never comes up in tgcf, of course

anyway mxtx makes fun of the idea of a female love interest providing the mc with free therapy while she constructs a scenario in which sqq has to take on a love interest's role of support/inspiration

examples: this is a character that's presented as poorly-wriiten

this is LITERALLY how xuan ji tgcf was written except she hates pm instead of being obsessed with him like was in the past!! don't critique shitty writing for female characters if you refuse to do better!

the characters are not especially noteworthy, and unlike in tgcf or mdzs the mc has no real distinctive style, either visually or personality-wise. almost everyone was either very one-dimensional, unlikable, or just boring imo. I get that we're very early into the novel, but I don't really care about these characters at all. shame because it sounds like the side characters are really fun later on

the modern-day origins of sy make for some funny references - there are mentions of harry potter, and the book he gets isekaid into apparently has a ton of fanfiction

the horror is quite good - some of those monsters are freaky as hell. she always did have a knack for horror

much like mdzs has a ton of literary references, svss has a lot of references to modern films and tv shows, and to things like chinese ads or websites that a modern-day chinese reader would recognize, but that a translator would need to explain. it also does have some proverbs and wordplay as well

as for the elephant in the room: I consider the relationship in this novel to be grooming rather than csa/pedophilia. they may not get together until they're adults, but the mc is 14 years old when sy is isekaid in and there is absolutely already some kind of mutual something going on as early as chapter 1, despite sy criticizing other characters for being creepy with their students and referring to lbh as a child repeatedly. while sqq doesn't act on any of these feelings, it is impossible to ignore in their interactions and it did give me a helpless sense that I was in a horror movie

mxtx toes the line and tries to get away with as much as possible - adult/child relationships and grooming are a joke to her and her readers, something exciting, something fun, but like in tgcf, nothing actually happens

they would have had a much better relationship as simply master and student. or if the romance needed to be there, sy could have been isekaid into one of lbh's peers, as he had plenty of bullies his age - gay love changing the course of the narrative is a fun trope and if they'd been the same age, I genuinely would have enjoyed it. but lbh venerates and hero-worships his teacher, and this kind of power dynamic doesn't just cease to matter once he hits 18. he was an abused and vulnerable child offered kindness and support, and he latched onto and became obsessed with his teacher. getting a crush on a teacher is fine, but it shouldn't have turned into a romance. like tgcf, the issues with the main couple are foundational, but they could have been eliminated by the author just not being a fucking creep

also, sqq is vain and self-centered, and while he treats lbh kindly and praises him, he also treats him like a servant and shamelessly exploits his hero-worship to get good food and manual labor out of him. he's out for his survival so I understand him acting selfishly, but he internally talks down to all the characters he meets if he thinks they're poorly written, and it makes it a nightmare to be in his head for very long bc he's so mean. he is funny, but but he fucking sucks and I dislike him as a main character. compared to wwx and xl, he's the worst main character in terms of personality (even if he's much better than the original sqq)

for specific examples for the inappropriate writing of their relationship, all in this volume:

there are several vague descriptions of ~feelings~ on both sides when they see each other (lbh is 14)

at one point, sqq is poisoned in a way that he knows can only be cured by sex with lbh, and he thinks of it briefly before laughing it off like 'wow that would be CRAZY' as always mxtx, jokes are a great way to handle statutory rape. excerpt:

💀💀💀💀💀

lbh overhears that sqq praised him, and the character he overhears it from is described as a wingman (lnh is 15)

one of the disciples is angry that sqq suddenly favors lbh. excerpt:

after lbh 'dies' at age 17, sqq scolds himself, saying he's acting like a widow who's husband has died

so while nothing romantic or sexual happens this volume, the groundwork is there. see this screenshot from chapter 5 of the novel (originally chapter 30), at the very end of this volume:

if sqq had no attraction to his student, there would be no reason to be so panicked

it's like...nobody acts normally about this. lbh and sqq have the weirdest quasi-flirtatious conversations that skirt the edge of being explicitly romantic/sexual. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that this was written to appeal to people who are into age gaps and grooming, if not outright csa. have some more excerpts

like...what IS THIS?

at the end of this volume, lbh is sent away for five years by sqq (he was forced to drop him into a demon abyss bc he needed to advance the plot) so when lbh returns he will be 22 and presumably VERY angry with sqq, and will probably use his newfound power to...torture him? or something? I don't know how their relationship will go from now on, but I have no interest in reading it when I know it's going to end with them as lovers. yeah, even if it does happen when they're both in their late 20s

otherwise, the first few chapters of the novel are extremely funny. it and has a lot of original ideas. but it's difficult to ignore such a premise, and I don't think it's worth it to grit your teeth through unless you have a particular interest in reading this book, to either critique it, enjoy the humor and creativity, or try to figure out why people are so hell-bent on defending it. and honestly by chapter 4 (around ch25 in the original novel), it's not even that funny anymore and the parody aspect has worn out since there's so little of substance to replace it. the og novel is mocked for being a cliched mess, but these are mxtx's actual characters now and she doesn't really seem to do much better with them

the age gap in tgcf is creepy too and I definitely don't like that hc became fixated on xl at a young age, impersonated a little kid, and then reverted back to a little-kid form, but xl not actually knowing him or forming a relationship with him back then is part of why I'm less grossed out about it than I otherwise would be. xl didn't know who hc was when they met and they had barely any relationship when hc was a little kid. he was just a fun guy and they started hanging out together. hc wasn't a young boy placed under his care who he started developing feelings for oh my god I hate sqq so much

there was a side character that sqq describes as 'beautiful' who he had a somewhat antagonistic relationship with who would have been a PERFECT love interest for sqq if he wasn't a fucking creep and im so mad that they didn't become lbh's gay dads instead of whatever the fuck went on

tl; dr: an engaging and original premise with a lot of humor. clever and insightful in many ways, with some great horror scenes, but as in other novels, unable to be normal about gay people and inescapably, unnecessarily ruined by the grooming between the main character and his love interest and the abuse that apparently comes afterwards. also ignorant to its own faults, sexism, and illogical stances even as it parodies others

spoilers for the rest of the book

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according to a beloved mewtual who has provided me summary for the rest (thank you for the info!), the relationship is fucked up for the remainder of the book for completely different reasons

ready? after lbh comes back, sqq is freaked out and doesn't want anything to do with him because he thinks lbh is going to kill him. lbh in fact doesn't want to kill him, but has apparently undergone a complete personality change and is now just a bitter and VERY yandere asshole and proceeds to torment, stalk, harass, torture, and sexually assault sqq until sqq agrees to be in a relationship with him. this abuse and shifting of power dynamics could have been handled in an interesting way, but it isn't, and who's surprised

later in the story lbh is risking qi deviation, so sqq reluctantly (and painfully?) dual-cultivates with him. I heard years ago about some kind of rape torture porn scene and I assume this is what it was referring to

I cannot imagine the appeal this romance holds for fans because this sounds completely fucking miserable and victim-blamy as hell, but uhhh they get married in one of the extras

as for the side characters, a lot of them are kind of doing their own thing? they sound like a ton of fun compared to the main guys. there's a demon snake guy, they're a cool demon lady who's kind of in lesbians with another disciple, there's another gay couple who are like insane and assholes but seem perfect for each other so 👍

anyway bingqiu is abusive but surprisingly not because of sqq, though I haven't forgotten him being creepy about his student this volume either. I can't believe svss was just proto-killing stalking this entire time. aside from glorifying abuse and victim-blaming, that's just so fucking boring. what a disappointment. for all their faults, mdzs and tgcf had legitimately magnificent scenes, complex relationships, interesting plots, heartfelt emotional moments, and compelling characters. no wonder this is the unfavorite of the batch - it's absolutely the worst in every way and it sounds like it doesn't get much better

if you're going to send me anon hate about this like 'your interest is problematic too' or 'let people enjoy things' just save yourself the time and block me first. I absolutely do not care about your opinion and I'll just delete it unless you're explaining something I've misunderstood in good faith. and even then I think so lowly of the fans of this novel I might just delete it anyway, after screenshotting it and sharing it with my mutuals to laugh at. get some fucking taste. that's all

[sysmedsaresexist]

sysmedicalism is an objectively pro psych stance. The fact that you're identifying as it is extremely disturbing, as a DID SYSTEM that has been harmed by the medical institution.

This post is highly related to this post, and I hope you'll read both. This was written first.

Mod Quill here, automatically done with this entire conversation about the term sysmed. Let’s just break this down.

This blog is pysch-critical. Because we believe psychology is beneficial and we are. In therapy. For our psychological problems. I’m not sure where you thought we were anti-psych? No false advertising here. Mod Dude is quite literally on all sides of psych; patient, trained SSW, proud DSM-bootlicker, you name it. The other mods are in similar positions. We can acknowledge the flaws of the medical system while also acknowledging the need for it. If you can’t, then you’re not going to like us.

Sysmed, as a term, means basically nothing at this point. Yes, it had a definition. No, the definition is not agreed upon. Until the Holy Pro-Endo Prophet who invented the damn word comes down from the heavens and announces what it actually meant, I’m going to continue to be a little bitch about a word that’s hurt me (and you can ID with it all you want). Fun fact, I actually don’t agree with Mod Dude using the label sysmed — I think he’ll reach a point eventually where he drops it in favor for some other label, or maybe no labels. But I also cannot bring myself to give a single solitary shit about it. Why would I? The word has as much meaning now as half the labels I see in system spaces. It’s not a useful word. I have literally never understood the desire to cling to it when it’s not ever used usefully. When is the last time someone actually used the term to *properly* critique the associations of the systems who feel plurality is medical to those who feel gender identity is medical, a flawed argument in of itself?

Lastly, I’m so sorry that the constant correlation between “CDD Focused” and “Sysmed” has made me and many others accept that we (DID systems) are sysmeds to you all. I’ve been told countless times that my beliefs are “sysmedical,” despite those beliefs being things that have nothing to do with medicalizing plurality. Dude is far further on the medical spectrum than I am, and yet I’ve been called a sysmed more times than I can count. Traumascum, too. Because I’m a CDD system speaking up for CDD systems.

Look. Anon. I’m sorry for what you’ve faced. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by the medical system. That sucks.

It’s also not our fault, and something some of us have also experienced. It’s bold of you to think you’re unique in those struggles.

I hope you can find healing outside of the psych system, and that you can recover on your own, or else one day perhaps find solace within a medical system. Who knows?

The fact is, this blog has always been psych critical, and will continue to be. And that shouldn’t matter because the thing about this blog is, it has been and always will be dedicated to focusing on CDD systems. If that bothers people, there’s a million other blogs out there. May I suggest pokemon-cards-hourly?

---

Everyone getting in on this.

Mod Dude, here, OG blog owner

To reiterate, I am on both sides-- patient and clinician in the psych field (NOT LICENSED).

I really just want to pop in and say something myself.

I am psych-critical, and I always have been. I have had some terrible doctors. Fatphobia, transphobia, homophobia, ableism abound, and a large population of uneducated people parading as doctors. I was sanctioned once by a doctor who didn't like that I was gay. Yes, in Canada. It took the threat of legal action to get me released, and then they tried to purge my file and say I had never been admitted.

I've had more amazing, wonderful doctors that have gone and above and beyond to help me than bad ones, though. I want to be one of those doctors. I want to change the landscape of psychiatry to be what it SHOULD BE, not what it is now.

The psych system is a necessary evil, and I have a very complicated relationship to it as, eventually, my father will need to be forcibly confined and treated for his disease. The world will be very lucky if he doesn't kill someone before then.

I don't think it will always be evil, though. I don't think every case is evil. I don't honestly think a system is capable of being evil, only the people within the system and using it to further their own gain.

I feel for anyone who has been abused in the system, or that has suffered because of it.

I see anti-psych as giving up. Rather than fight for change, it's rejected entirely for talking points that are already available and need to be improved within themselves anyways.

I have HOPE for the FUTURE of the psych system, and can acknowledge its many current flaws while simultaneously engaging with and promoting its positive aspects and work, and by encouraging more people to get into the field and specialize. Releasing the backlog and increasing the number of specialists with lived experience that actually care is step number 1. I want to reduce the fear of stigma of engaging with the system.

I support the medicalization and treatment of systems that WANT to engage with psychiatry (hence sysmed). I support systems that have no desire to engage for simple reasons, or for no reason at all. I equally support and care for those who have been so hurt by it that they can't engage anymore. Those are real people with real stories. I hope that the things I post can help those that can't engage directly.

It's not the full picture, though. Hence "critical".

I have never WANTED or TRIED to force medicalization on anyone, and I never will. I can understand that in some cases it's not so black and white. But this may not be the space for you. Good luck elsewhere, genuinely ❤️

Also I'm going to follow Pokémon hourly now.