#i think they're pinto beans?

[alexandrium]

want beans and plantains and sour cream

[heathersdesk]

So my romp through the old issues of the Relief Society Magazine is turning into a collection of the writings of Janette A. Hyde, an early member of the Relief Society Board.

She was a Conservationist—think Teddy Roosevelt, as they were contemporaries. She also seems to be the person the Relief Society would turn to when times started getting tough. Whether it was war rationing, hunger, disease, or economic hardship, she'd show up with practical instructions on how to grow home gardens and stretch and preserve food, complete with a lecture on thrift and food waste.

She gave the most polite, veiled correction on racism I've ever seen to the women of the Relief Society by inviting them to "overcome" their prejudice and eat pinto beans from Mexico.

I'm assembling her gardening instructions and recipes together because I think there's real utility in much of what she taught for people in our day. The economy is a dumpster fire for the working class, the disabled, and the forgotten in society. She was one of the Church's most valuable resources at the turn of the century for those kinds of circumstances.

Conservation is a virtue that should definitely make a comeback in the lives of LDS people. It's a valuable principle that insulates against hardship in tough times and makes us better stewards of our planet. They're the principles that can help us to reclaim some moral authority with respect to climate change.

If more people knew about Janette Hyde and followed what she taught, the church would be in a very different place right now. And she's one of many women I think that's probably true for.

[ringo-ichigo]

So after thinking thing through with less anger and relistening to Somerton's apology, I think I'm actually more irritated in new ways. So I think the whole "I was trying to be a representative and inclusive" part was partly his attempt at essentially saying "Sorry for the phobias."

Here's my problem with it. One, he doesn't name it. He doesn't say "I'm sorry for the bisexual erasure I perpetuated" or "I should have apologized and corrected myself on asexuals being subject to conversion therapy" or any number of other issues that were brought up. He doesn't state that these are the things he's trying to apologize for and he doesn't say sorry.

Two, sir, how is calling an out bisexual woman a "straight white woman" inclusive? Do explain this to me because personally, I don't get inclusion from that. Like, in what world was this going to make bisexuals specifically but really anyone feel like this was an inclusive space?!

Three, sir, the issue wasn't that you couldn't be a voice for the community, be a leader within it, or however you want to describe your role because of your identity. You being a white gay man wasn't really the issue with your attempt to be a role model. Like, sure, we have a plethora of those and other more marginalized voices would be preferred over yours, but there's nothing about being a white gay man that makes you inherently unfit for the role. Like, it's more you're not the first choice unless there are no other candidates. But again, that's not why people are hurt by you trying to be that voice. It was your actions and your words that did that. It's not that you never could be a megaphone for other voices. Like, you could have. But when you are a leader and your actions and words are actively spreading biphobia, acephobia, transphobia, lesbophobia, and misogyny, yeah, nah, we don't want you being a leader. Because you're not showing the qualities needed in a leader. You're actively harming the people you're claiming to represent while trying to act like you're going to advocate for them. Sorry, but I have a real hard time believing you'll advocate for me well when there's a good chance you'd find some reason to be angry at me and call me "a straight white woman" despite the fact that I am not straight. I may be white and a woman, but I am certainly not straight. I've been out as bi since 2016. And I'm just one person. I'm sure others would have similar thoughts.

Like, maybe I'm just wrong, but it feels to me like he thought the issue was his identity and that's why he's disqualified. Like, nah bro. We care far more about the things you did than your identity. If you watch B. Dylan Hollis, I feel like him in the pinto bean cake short. James is going "Make sure you clean your grind-o-mat," while I'm looking at him going "I'm not concerned about your precious grind-o-mat!" Like, sir, you are focusing on the wrong issue here!

Fourth, if you're implying that you tried to be a voice for the community by stealing from others within it... I'm sorry, but like... what ass backward logic is this? In what world would that have been good and wanted?! Like, yeah, you'll never fully get what it's like to, say, be a bi person being told that they're not allowed an opinion or voice because "You're straight." But like... how would plagiarizing a bi person talking about their bi erasure in that instance help you understand better than just reading it??? That's not how this works. If you don't have the perspective, you don't gain one by stealing! And again, like, why would anyone want you representing them after they found out you were stealing shit? To be a representative is to be their face essentially. Who would be like "Yeah this guy stole from me, but I want him to be my body double from now on"????

I could be wrong about this, but this is what I'm getting from this part. And frankly it's just further proof that he did not get why people were mad.

[causticcontemplation]

1, 7, 18 for that strangely specific ask game 👀

Oh these are good ones. Thanks for the ask! 🖤

chipotle order?

I don't get Chipotle often, cause there are a lot of awesome local Mexican joints here (one of the pros of living in the south I reckon). Uhhh veggie burrito for that free guac, white rice, black and pinto beans, corn salsa, red salsa, and cheese I think? Never queso; their queso is ass.

7. what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

Fun fact: I got married in an aquarium surrounded by fucking sharks and shit. But the best animal to see, hands down, are the rays. Bonus points if they have an open pool where you can pet them. They're basically puppies ^_^

18. your boba/tea order?

So my work friends and I take a long break every Friday to go to our favorite boba place, and I like to try something new most weeks. But they have really fucking strong coffee, so if I want to be shaking from caffeine the rest of the day, I'll get a phindi drip with boba. If I'm feeling tea, then it's a thai green milk tea with boba.

[ticklingmesoftly]

1, 5, 18!

Hi, Green!

1. chipotle order? I always get a bowl, and if they have something new, I try that. Otherwise, I usually go for carnitas -- sometimes barbacoa. Brown rice, pinto beans, tomato salsa, extra corn salsa (I could eat that by itself, ugh), fajita veggies, cheese, and sometimes I get the hot salsa. Depends on my mood.

5. favorite form of potato? ... this is a tough one, lol. But I think I'm gonna go with roasted. Especially if they're red. Most vegetables are best roasted and potatoes are no exception!

18. your boba/tea order? Fun fact --- I don't like boba. I have texture issues with it! Lol. But if I was going to order a tea, it'd probably be chai. Or matcha. Or something random that I felt like trying. But those are my two favorites!

[lowqualitycleric]

Are they watching videos of the sword fighting border collie? (I want to say her name is Lady Pinto? I must find her)

Edit: I found her! Lady Pinto Bean is an Australian shepherd not a collie but she's the one I was thinking of. She's adorable. I wonder if she's the one they're watching

[bookwyrminspiration]

Would you rather give the Lost Cities beans or corn?

I cannot explain the despair that overcame me when I saw this ask, because i few weeks ago I contemplated making a poll about which of the three sisters (beans, corn, squash) was the best, but abandoned it because I, myself, couldn't pick between beans or corn.

Like!! On the one hand, street corn and tamales and tortillas! On the other, refried beans and pinto beans and black beans and! They're warmer, heavier (to me, in a good way). and they're both so good in salads and burritos and everything. beans and corns are inseparable to me they r always holding hands

Oh this is so difficult...I think for the versatility I'll go with corn..? I think they could do more with it, but it hurts my soul to downplay beans like this. Next time I see some beans I'm apologizing

but I think I'll go corn, final answer

[icleanedthisplate]

Ark-Mex Enchiladas w/Tomato-Cucumber-Mint Salad, Pinto Beans. Heights Taco & Tamale. Little Rock, Arkansas. 1.30.2023.

NOTE TO SELF: I understand if people want to come here for the drinks, or the hip ambiance, or fantastic branding, but they're fooling themselves if they think it's the food. The smoky pinto beans were the best thing on this tray. The enchiladas were meh, the tomatoes were tasteless.

Currently ranked 26th of 36 January meals.

[ghost-1-y]

hi hi, newest moot!! i hope you’re having a good day today ♡

for the asks, how about 1, 4 & 7 :3

helloooo!! my day so far has been pretty good (although I just woke up lmao) & i hope you're having a nice day as well!

chipotle order?

oof it's kinda boring lmao but i order a burrito with white rice, pinto beans, steak, pico de gallo, and guac

4. mythical creature you think/believe is real?

hmmm i don't really believe in mythical creatures? i do believe in aliens though if that counts as "mythical" lmao (although i don't believe they've visited earth, and i also doubt they look like how we tend to illustrate them lol)

7. what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

sea otters!! they're so cute i love them so much :)) and the penguins hehe

[only-frann]

💛Smoshblr December Asks Day 15💙

What are your top 3 comfort foods? 🤗

And which 3 foods to you try to avoid at all costs? (aka how could Garrett completely ruin your day if you were on eioyi 🤢)

My three comfort foods are dishes that my family always do (they're traditional from my country) and I just had two of them.

Gallo Pinto, it's a breakfast dish with rice and beans, cilantro, onions, pepper, some people put them like crazy (like me) but normally it's a safe amount, and ofc a special salsa we called "Lizano", so good.

Next, it's not a dish but a drink, La crema en leche, it translates literally like Cream with milk but it's nothing like the liquid cream you're thinking, it's a dusty yellow sugary thing you need to mix with milk (taste similar to a vanilla ice-cream but better)

I think I'm not a picky eater, I was a picky eater, know I just had like, little things to consider, like that I don't eat red meat and I'm lactose intolerant so yeah, not a thing I can control.

I think I can eat almost everything you gave me but, the textures are the part that always kills me. Hate creamy or slime textures when they're warm or tepid, (if it's cold I think I don't feel the texture a lot) like mashed potatoes or some salsas, I tried to learn how to but I just keep getting sick every time I eat something like that.

[blnk338]

ngl, in Brazil most of the curse words are related to dicks and sex, and when i say some i mean A LOT (especially cuz in every 10 words 11 are insults) (i mean this when talking to friends and people you are close to, please don't think we go around cursing people out) (actually, we do, but only if they're assholes)

one of my favorite expressions is "vai dar o cu por meia hora com o relógio desligado", which is used when someone says or does something you dont like and it means "go get your ass fucked for half an hour with the clock turned off". it can be compared to a "fuck off", but it's way funnier when people say it like this.

Another one is the word "porra" (which can be dirextly translated to "cum". it's such a versatile expression, that depending on your intonation it can be understood as surprise, anger, disbelief, sadness, etc.

and ofc there's also the hundreds of synonyms of dick, such as: cacete, caralho, jeba, espada, pau, pica, pinto, piru, tora, bilau, salame, linguiça, and much more.

GO GET YOUR ASS FUCKED FOR HALF AN HOUR WITH THE CLOCK TURNED OFF? SCREAMKAJHBSFLD

and omg penis beans

this has been such a treat for me read thank you so much ithil

[the-widow-sisters]

Carol and Maria for “You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.”

I love how you portray their friendship! :D Theyre so underrated!

A/N: Thank you so, so much for this request 🥺💗💗💗💗 My gosh, I adore these two literally so much and they're probably one of my favorite platonic relationships ever 🥺🥺 It literally means the world to me to hear that you enjoy my portrayal of them 💞 They're the best, and I'd love to write tons more for them, lol 😂

I hope you enjoy! 🥰

Word Count: 2k+

   Maria looked behind her as she heard the door open, hearing Carol come in as she shut the door. Maria raised an eyebrow, peeling the potatoes before her as she spoke up.

   “Hey, did you get all the rest of the stuff for dinner?!” Maria called, and Carol quickly came into the kitchen, setting the groceries down on the table as she paused next to it. She thought for just a moment, and Maria knew she was mentally checking off her list to make sure.

   “Yeah. Carrots and the pinto beans, right?” Carol checked uncertainly, and Maria nodded.

   “Thank you,” Maria expressed, and Carol hummed a response.

   There were a few beats of an oddly restless silence before Carol finally spoke up again.

   “Y’know, you can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, ‘Are we about to kiss?’” Carol declared. Maria furrowed her brow, confusion in her gaze as she paused and tried to decipher what exactly that Carol meant by that.

   “Doesn’t work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way,” Carol added on. Maria instantly lowered her knife, turning to look at Carol as she gaped at her in shock.

   “You did not,” Maria stared, and Carol paused as she smiled at her.

   She hung her leather jacket on the back of the chair before somewhat playfully ambling over to stand next to the woman that was her older sister. Carol reached into her pants pocket, holding up her ticket between two fingers as she kept her smile steadfast.

   “I did,” Carol admitted, and Maria groaned deeply, closing her eyes as she let her head fall back a little.

   Carol had been so reckless lately, and it was leaving Maria especially on edge. She could not take the thought of Carol endangering herself, and she was honestly curious as to what was going on with her best friend that would cause her to be acting like this.

   “Hey, look, it wasn’t that bad,” Carol tried to assure her, and Maria moved her head back down as she continued in peeling the potatoes sitting on the counter before her.

   “He even looked like he was considering it for a second. He was an older guy, though. But he made me think of Sam Elliot, so I’d be into it. The grits in his mustache is a little bit of a turn-off, though” Carol commented, and Maria narrowed her eyes at her as she met her far-too-lighthearted eyes. Maria pointed the knife at her.

   “Well, you should’ve had to kiss him, grits and all,” Maria scolded, and Carol shook her head.

   “Why’re you so upset? It’s just a speeding ticket,” Carol shrugged, putting the ticket in the little jar on the counter where all of the loose change, receipts, and whatnot ended up.

   “This is your third one this month!” Maria cried, raising her voice a little as she grew more agitated, and Carol raised her hands, furrowing her brow just a little.

   “Hey, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal,” Carol tried to assure her, and Maria let out a sharp breath, stopping in her chopping.

   “It’s not the tickets!” Maria argued, and Carol looked at her, completely confused.

   “Then what is it?!” Carol demanded, raising her voice a little as she met Maria’s tone. Maria clenched her jaw a little before putting her knife down sharply as it clanged against the counter. Carol stopped, looking at her.

   “Carol, your need for speed is going to get you killed, and I don’t,” Maria trailed off sucking in her lips between her teeth and looking down before releasing them.

   “I can’t lose you,” Maria confessed. Maria looked at her, looking into those warm eyes that were not nearly as concerned as they should have been given how reckless she had been being. Granted, Carol was always reckless, but Maria had never seen her so consistently get tickets.

   “You’re not going to lose me,” Carol assured her gently, moving closer as she bumped her shoulder softly against Maria’s.

   Maria shook her head, looking at the younger woman as she straightened a little. She felt indescribable love and responsibility toward Carol. She had been looking after her since they were in high school and had adopted her as a sister and as a vital piece of her family, and to see her putting herself in danger like this hurt Maria deeply.

   “I’m a big girl. I’ll be okay,” Carol reassured her, bringing her hand up to touch Maria’s back softly, and Maria swallowed as she regarded her carefully.

   “You’re not invincible, Carol Danvers,” Maria told her solemnly, and Carol grew just a bit more serious as she opened her mouth to speak.

   However, she was swiftly interrupted by small footsteps against the floor as they came running.

   “Auntie Carol!” Monica called, rushing over as she latched onto Carol’s legs. Carol grinned widely, turning in her embrace to face her.

   “Hey, Lieutenant Trouble!” Carol greeted excitedly, bending down as she grabbed Monica and lifted her up to hold her in her arms. Monica wrapped her arms around Carol’s neck, holding onto her, and Carol smiled softly as she looked at her and briefly glanced at Maria.

   “Are you and Mama fighting?” Monica got straight to the point, and Carol blinked, the surprise showing on her face. Maria looked at her baby lovingly, reaching out and wiping some chocolate from her face after what Maria assumed was a snack before dinner.

   “Not at all! What gave you that idea?” Carol asked, trying to sound like she did not know what Monica was talking about. Monica looked at her, worry shining in her gaze.

   “I heard Mama yelling earlier,” Monica acknowledged, and Carol glanced briefly at Maria before continuing.

   “Don’t worry, we weren’t really fighting,” Carol tried to assure her, and Maria nodded along, agreeing with her as she attempted to quell her daughter’s worries.

   “We were just talking,” Maria assured her daughter, reaching out to her as she softly moved a braid back behind her ear.

   “What were you talking about?” Monica questioned curiously, that adorable furrow still in her brow as she kept her eyes on Carol. Carol glanced briefly at Maria before finally speaking, deciding to take a shot at explaining after Maria nodded to her reassuringly.

   “Well… Little Missy,” Carol sighed, moving to sit down at the table. She used her foot to move a chair out at the table. Maria turned where she was standing next to the counter, and she leaned back against it, looking at the two.

   Carol held the girl in her arms, the little one seated on her lap.

   “You don’t know it yet, but when you have a sister or a friend or someone that you care about very much, sometimes you get worried about them. And sometimes that worrying comes out like yelling, but it doesn’t mean anybody’s mad,” Carol explained, and Monica just looked at her carefully, concern in those beautiful brown eyes as she looked at her aunt and her hero.

   “So Mama wasn’t mad?” Monica asked uncertainly, and Carol huffed gently.

   “No,” Carol shook her head, smiling lovingly with half-lidded eyes. Carol paused for a moment, thinking things through before speaking up again.

   “Sometimes Auntie Carol does some really goofy things for some really goofy reasons, and your mama’s just worried about me. It’s what you do with people you love,” Carol expressed, looking over at Maria softly with that adoration that was so purely that of a younger sister that it made Maria’s chest hurt with how it swelled.

   Maria had always wanted a baby sister, and when Carol had come along, she had perfectly fulfilled her need.

   Carol leaned forward and kissed Monica’s head between her eyebrows, smoothing out the furrow there.

   “Now go wash your face. You look like you’ve been sucking chocolate eggs,” Carol told her, and Monica giggled as she leaned in close to Carol.

   “I was eating Reese’s eggs, but don’t tell Mama,” Monica whispered, her voice way too loud to fully accomplish her attempts at secrecy. Maria shook her head, and Carol grinned a little.

   “I won’t. You better get into the bathroom and wash off the evidence,” Carol suggested, whispering at the same volume as Monica had as she remained conspiratorial. Monica nodded as she slid off of Carol’s lap and ran off for the bathroom. Maria watched her go before looking back at Carol.

   “So… Want to share any of those goofy reasons?” Maria asked, and Carol moved her head in a noncommittal gesture.

   “You know I’ve got a need for speed that just won’t quit,” Carol answered, and Maria narrowed her eyes, knowing that Carol was evading at this point.

   “Yeah. And I also know speed kills,” Maria deadpanned and Carol shrugged.

   “Speed doesn’t kill. It’s the sudden stop at the end,” Carol told her playfully, and Maria narrowed her eyes. Carol let out a deep sigh, looking down at her hands, and Maria pulled a chair over to sit next to the woman.

   “What’s really going on?” Maria questioned, and Carol remained quiet, gently scratching her fingernail against an imperfection in the wood of the table. She finally shifted her gaze up to meet Maria’s.

   “You remember when we were laying on your rooftop right after we got accepted into the Air Force and I told you that I wished I could just fly away sometimes?” Carol asked.

   “Yeah?” Maria nodded uncertainly.

   She remembered that day well. It was one of many conversations they had over the years, but that one was one that she remembered particularly well.

   “I don’t know. I’ve always wanted that feeling of freedom, and I guess when I’m just speeding along, the radio blasting, and the windows down… I guess it just kind of feels like I finally found it,” Carol admitted, those warm brown eyes soft as they glowed with some amount of sadness and wistfulness to them.

   Maria instantly felt her heart hurting for the blonde. It always hurt her to hear Carol talk like this and to hear her longing for that sense of freedom. She wanted so badly to give her that feeling, and as much as she knew that Carol did not mean it badly, she still felt the smallest bit of hurt that she and Monica could not grant Carol that feeling.

   Maria thought it over for a long moment, trying to decipher how best to respond. Once she had finally gotten past the lump in her throat enough to speak, she proceeded.

   “I understand you need freedom,” Maria expressed, reaching out as she took Carol’s hands in her own. Carol watched her.

   “But I don’t want you to get yourself killed trying to feel it,” Maria explained, her words slow and calculated as she tried to communicate to Carol her precise feelings without letting emotion overcome her voice.

   “I want you to feel free here with us,” Maria’s voice cracked as she moved one of her hands from Carol’s to make a wide gesture. She then placed her hand back on Carol’s.

   “Free because we’re not him. Free because you have a niece that worships the ground you walk on and a sister that would kill and die for you,” Maria told her, squeezing her hands as she emphasized her words. Carol’s eyes were shining with tears at this point, and honestly, Maria was not doing much better.

   “We love you. You are our family, and I can’t imagine a life without you,” Maria expressed, her vision slightly blurry as she watched her.

   Carol swallowed, squeezing Maria’s hands firmly in her own as she leaned in a little to meet her eyes more closely.

   “You’ll never have to,” Carol promised, her voice soft as she whispered to the older woman.

   Maria let out a deep sigh, leaning forward to close the distance and press her forehead to Carol’s. They both simply remained breathing together for a long moment, their eyes closed as they enjoyed the feeling of togetherness.

   She would do anything in her power to keep Carol safe and in her life. And Carol’s promise, while not guaranteed given the powers that be, was still reassuring.

   She just hoped Carol was right.

[whoknowsyourfuture]

I need to accept that I can't cook in normal amounts. This isn't new information, but today, well.

It started with the beans.

I've had a bag of dried pinto beans for a bit and meant to use them but hadn't gotten around to it. I decided yesterday that I'd make a chili and put the bag out to soak overnight and while I was at work. Significantly more beans than I expected; the pound bags are about a foot long, three-four inches wide and don't look like that much, but they easily tripled in size. Ok, no biggie, into the crockpot with a few cups of frozen bone broth and a can of tomatoes, some water to cover. Rough chopped an onion, a green bell pepper, and half a dozen or so sweet peppers, put them in the oven to roast. Meanwhile, chopped 2 zucchini and pan seared them with half a bag of frozen corn, threw them in the crockpot. We are now at the point where MOST PEOPLE would consider a crockpot FULL.

Full of hubris, I add the precooked birria to the pot. I have to remove a couple cups of liquid in order not to overflow the pot. I still have the roasting veggies to add, and oh look! They're done.

Now, if I was smart, I would not put them in. The pot is full; there is no space to add things.

I think, well, the veggies are kinda dry from roasting, that'll absorb the moisture right?

No.

I take out another couple cups of liquid. I now have a full to brimming crockpot and a Tupperware of spicy bean and veggie juice.

You may be thinking, ok, but why is this a weird amount of food? That's enough to meal prep for like a week, right?

I had originally planned to add a can of black beans, a can of kidney beans, another onion, and the REST OF THE BAG OF SWEET PEPPERS. oh, and I'd thought about putting in the FULL bag of corn! Why did I think I could fit this all in the crockpot? I DON'T KNOW APPARENTLY I HAVE NO PERCEPTION OF HOW MUCH RAW INGREDIENTS IS TOO MUCH

why am I like this

Also while I'm doing this I'm making 2 loaves of zucchini bread and a pan of cornbread. I contemplated making orange cranberry bread as well, but tore up my knuckles on the grater so, eh.

I'll do it tomorrow.

[terezis]

"You're done with magic," Lup says disbelievingly. Taako doesn't look up from his Zune. He's busy taking a quiz on Fantasy Buzzfeed: "Create The Perfect Breakfast Burrito and We'll Reveal Which of The Seven Birds Is Actually Your Soulmate!" Black beans or pinto?

"Yup," he says. Mm, pinto. Better mouthfeel. What are his feelings about guacamole?

"You're done with magic," Lup repeats.

"That's right." Well, if he's making the guac, yes, obviously; but the picture on Fantasy Buzzfeed looks like baby puke. No thanks.

"You, Taako, my brother, the second best wizard in this or any planar system—"

At that Taako whips his head up and scowls. "Now, wait just a minute—"

"—you aren't doing magic anymore," Lup says.

Taako groans and slumps forward against the kitchen counter. The marble is cool against his forehead. Kravitz, seated beside him, doesn't look up from his paperwork, but at least deigns to pat his boyfriend’s hand. Taako says, "You got it in one, Lulu, I'unno what you're not getting here."

"Yesterday you summoned Garyl to get you a bag of chips from the pantry 'cause you didn't feel like getting off the couch."

"Well, I was halfway through the season finale of Fantasy What We Do In The Shadows. What was I supposed to do? Pause it? And disrupt the natural flow of  Guillermo's emotional arc?"

Barry says, "Last week you polymorphed into a raccoon so you wouldn't have to say hi to Lucas when we saw him at Fantasy Arby's." 

Taako lifts his head, but only enough to squint at his phone. Would he prefer jalapeño, cilantro, or queso on his dream burrito? "And I stand by that decision," he tells Barold. 

What kind of queso doesn't have jalapeño in it already? Taako chooses the cheese sauce. He's no fool.

"Taako, they banned me for life," Barry says plaintively. "For 'letting wild animals onto the premises.' Taako, I'm not allowed within a hundred feet of the store."

"Look, you're all missing the point,” Taako says. “Obviously I'm a baller-ass wizard with magic prowess for days. We know this. All of reality knows this."

Lup says, "And?"

Taako sits up with a start. "And it's time for ch’boy to broaden his fuckin' horizons! Wizardry only makes up a twelfth of the classes in Dungeons and Dragons. That's eleven other archetypes I could've been marketing to this whole time.”  He slaps his hand down on the table. “Did you know only 17 percent of fighters read my blog?"

Lup puts her head in her hands. "Oh my gods."

"Exactly! I've gotta cash in on all those paladins who think they're too fuckin' good for the Taako Tee Em brand."

He glances back down at his phone. Oh, nice, the results are in. "You're a little spicy, a little cheesy, and all around a very good time—based on your mealtime feels, your soulmate has got to be... Merle Highchurch!”

Taako puts down his Zune.

"Listen," he says. "What the public doesn't know won't hurt them. If ch'boy wants to speed up his daily commute with a l’il spot of Teleport here and there, that’s nobody’s business but my own."

"I can't believe you're the CEO of Fantasy Goop," Lup groans.

"Yes, you can," Taako says.

“Yes, I can,” she says mournfully.

Barry taps his glasses with the tip of his pen-quill, expression thoughtful. "I mean, it's not a bad idea," he says. "I can see how it'd be good PR for your magazine 'n all. Boost the readership."

Taako's ears flick upwards. "See? Barold gets it!"

"But, uh." Taako narrows his eyes. Barry raises his hands placatingly. "Don't you also run a school, bud? A magic school? What do your investors think about all this?"

Taako frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Isn't it bad for the school's image if its headmaster, uh... forsakes its entire reason for existence?"

Taako blinks. Huh. Huh. Okay, so maybe he didn't think about it like that. But it's fine. S’all cool. He's Taako from TV, and also saving the multiverse. It’s not like his charisma modifier is in the negatives anymore. He can spin this.

He stands up from his barstool. "I've gotta go make some calls." 

Ren's going to kill him.

Lup's laughter follows him out of the room.

[phoebehalliwell]

but at the end of the day we're talking about the source of all evil and cole wasn't even at full power when he got possessed. if it had been belthazor maybe but cole's human life stood no chance. and i will never ever ever understand just how different of a treatment by the sisters he got for his body essentially being hijacked for months. like imagine the trauma imagine how violated he must have felt and then they were like here have some victim blaming!! like what the fuck even??

fr like phoebe has the source the size of a pinto bean in her and like went full on insane (granted, she was being fed "pure evil" by the seer, but like even w/o that she was still cray cray. it's also fully possible the seer had been dosing cole w the same juice, we don't know, at the very least, she was still like whispering in his ear 24/7, which does hella damage). it's just so weird to be that they decided to go forward with it. i also just this is off topic i don't like how they're like belthazor is different from cole and belthazor is a demon and cole had no responsibility in that and we need to separate them bc um. belthazor is really fun. and also really beefy. also we missed to opportunity to have one of those look at me babe this isn't you baby look at me phoebe kisses belthazor and as she kisses him he morphs back into cole move. they pass out candy on halloween and cole just does it as belthazor. like. that could have been fun.

actually extending this tangent i've said it before the moment they decided to do black as cole was the moment they decided to fuck cole over because what did that add to the narrative? exactly?? and making him human was a pussy ass move. like. literally to even to venture more into the demon world could have been an avenue like obvi we're killing the source of all evil so the underworld's gonna be in dissarray what's that even going to look like how is the underworld structure who's gonna vie for power next and how are they going to do it how will it break down demonic order cole was high up in demonic order how will those demons react will they seen an increase in attacks on innocents / witches as demons and warlocks and the like try to move to the front will we see some defect to the light side bc they wanna be on the winning side, be like cole, and if they do, can we trust them. is it the human half of cole that makes him able to love, or is it possible that demons are far more complex than the elders say. is it possible the elders are a negative power structure 👀👀

but i'm lost in the sauce. i just. i don't. it's like. it's like they wanted cole to be the villain. obvi. that's why he became the source. but they acknowledged that they had already come so far in his character development that that would make literally no sense Unless it was a possession type. And Yet!! we're still not meant to see cole as the victim here, from a narrative standpoint. like. the fifth halliwell, when he tortures paige. that is the narrative telling us he is evil. but at the same time, we see cole trying to fight the source, and then the story's like no yeah but that's actually not important look he's the bad guy he made phoebe queen of hell and now she's a bitch to her family that's cole's fault bc he's evil. it's just. it's so fucking weird. that they (the writers) never once stopped to consider what exactly the fuck was going on. i don't even think the girls found out it was a possession (tho theoretically they could have linked that by looking at phoebe's demon baby, which could literally gain motor control over her??) like. no one ever told them. cole never said it. i think they just thought he like. was a dick all of a sudden that he was evil and didn't love phoebe but was rather just obsessed with her. i guess. it's all so fucking weird man it's all so not good