#i think this is the longest thing i've written?

[pyschedtrickster]

TADC Ep 2 - Depression and the Meaning of Life

Well, I may or may not be a day late to release of the episode, but I've watched it three times so far and I have some thoughts. Let's get the gritty stuff outta the way.

First of all, The Amazing Digital Circus belongs to @gooseworx and therefore everything I say here is just my personal take on the episode. I could be wrong, talking out my ass, etc. But this episode really spoke to me, so good job Goose.

Secondly, spoilers <3

Third, I think I've written enough that people won't get jumpscared with spoilers. This is gonna be a long read, so bear with me. This post will contain ALL my thoughts on the episode, both meaningful and just silly things I liked.

BUBBLE

So anyone who knows me from Bunnydoll Burrow knows I love Bubble. They're my favorite so far and this episode only cemented that further. They're wonderful comedic relief and even if they don't have any character development (which I don't think they will), I will always love them.

Caine Cares Too Much

While watching this, I was immediately off-put by Caine's reactions, even beginning with him calling Zooble back. He sounds so... dire? I don't know if that was intended to mean something or if it was just to put emphasis on how much Caine cares about his creations. Caine is AI, so world-building is likely his ONLY goal, or his prompt if you will. It wouldn't surprise me if that was why he was so upset by everyone's reactions.

But I can't help but wonder if this will play into his character arc. We understand that Caine is ambiguous right now and there's no real explanation of what his intentions are in the Circus. Something about this just really set me off. It made me feel unsafe in a way as if staying behind would result in danger of some kind. Obviously, it couldn't be that bad, as Zooble did stay behind and turned out fine. Still, I can't shake the feeling that this is foreshadowing.

Zoobie

Hilarious. What a solid nickname, I've seen so many headcanons that Zooble would be a stoner in the real world. This only makes it better. They are now Zoobie in my mind.

Pomni's Child Comment

While I'm sure this was just a silly comment to be made, I kinda liked it. Just a little in-show reminder that through all of this, Pomni is a real, grown-ass woman stuck inside some digital Hell. The whole first episode, we see her wallowing and panicking, justifiably so. Finally, we get to see her grow more serious and stable.

Through the episode, we see more of her being a good character and becoming more at terms with her situation. I'll touch on this more soon.

Gangle

My girl CANNOT catch a break. Gangle is such a funny character and so, so sweet. She's level-headed in my opinion, even through her emotions. She seems to have a good grip on the shit happening around her but has a hard time communicating properly because she has a lot of feelings going on. Me too, honey, me too.

Even in the face of violence, danger, and overall shitfuckery, she doesn't shut down. Sure, she cries. But I've cried plenty of times while still holding the fort down. I think I just relate to her.

Lastly, I NEED to know what this means like I need oxygen.

Government Mandated Shipping

I dunno man, I just really liked this. I'm a shipper at heart. I've been writing fanfic since middle school. I saw pure fanfic material when I watched this scene.

Kinger and Raggs

This scene made me smile. It's a cute nod towards how Kinger is the longest-standing character and, according to some lost post of Goose's, Ragatha is the second. Plus, all of episodes one and two, we see her trying so hard to be a rock for Pomni. She tries to include everyone, keep everyone cheerful, and be a stable constant in a realm of chaos; Seeing Kinger recognize how far she's come and using that to bring her back to reason was just so refreshing. Ragatha deserves more appreciation like that: less about what she does for others, and more about what she's done for herself.

Jax's Disappointment

So we don't know much about Jax besides how Goose loves him and says he's an asshole who may or may not be irredeemable. When he started talking about violence and getting excited at the thought, I chalked it up to him being an ass. But it struck me just how much this mattered to Jax in this scene. I have questions, man. But I'm about to go on a wild tangent, so hear me out.

Jax is happy when being destructive. He gets immediately upset when things go well. And in the circus, we can assume that there have been a lot of traumatic, wild things that have occurred. I wonder if the chaos, the violence, is a comfort for Jax because of those traumatic experiences. As a person with trauma, I've learned that there's a funny cycle that I and other traumatized people experience.

We don't like the situations we're in, but when faced with normalcy, it's so much scarier than the damaging situation we come from. So, we run from 'normal' back into the suffocating arms of our traumatizing situations for comfort. Going back to the situation means more trauma, more trauma means a harder time finding peace in a safe, normal environment, which means more trauma... you get the picture.

So am I saying a fictional purple bunny is using violence in a digital realm to cope with the very real topic of trauma? Maybe. Yes. Yes, I am. This is how I cope.

Depression, Finding Your Place, and the Bigger Picture

Now you may be saying, "hey! You skipped over some major scenes to talk about silly stuff! What gives?"

Well, as the title of this post suggests, I had some heavier stuff to address in this episode and wanted to compile it all in one section. So that meant skipping over a scene to bunch it in with other ones. I'll break it down.

Depression

Let me begin with the fact that I have been diagnosed with depression for years now. I've been hospitalized for it and I've had family members struggle with it around me. This heavily influenced how I viewed this episode and specifically this scene.

Gummigoo had a perfectly reasonable reaction to seeing the perfect replica of him that is his model. Seeing something like that would shatter your world, and we see that happen to him immediately.

But when Gummigoo talked to Pomni and asked why anything matters, it gave me this really familiar feeling. Thoughts of being nothing, of feeling meaningless, the mere idea of being an obstacle--I've experienced all of these. I'm sure others have. Pomni was right when she said it's normal. Everyone has felt down from time to time.

But what Gummigoo is talking about really hit home with my depression. Thoughts like these, especially when they linger for long, change how you view the world. Everything is tinted blue and desaturated. You feel empty and eventually, so does the world around you. You feel like when the party is over and everyone leaves, you disappear--or you think you should, at least.

"Why are you trying to cheer me up? How does this benefit you at all?"

And it's so, so hard to accept help when feeling like this. Depression is a bitch in the way that it wants you to stay depressed. It feels like everyone around you wants you to feel better because it is a convenience for them. It almost feels transactional if you smile.

But Pomni says it so beautifully; "I guess I just don't want you to feel like you're nothing. I don't want anybody to feel like that."

The way she says it makes me feel like she knows the feeling too, and in reality, she says she does understand in a way how Gummigoo feels. But that? That made it real for me. I don't know why. This whole scene, the entrapment and loneliness despite not actually being alone, just embodied how I've felt for years. What amazing writing.

Finding Your Place

This scene was really the cherry on top of everything I just spoke about. We see that these two understand each other, at least as much as they can. They recognize all of this, it's ridiculous. They're hurtling through space into the unknown, hoping everything works out. They may feel empty, but they're not alone. They've got each other, for better or worse. Maybe they don't know where they belong in this liminal space, but they know where they stand in each other's minds.

And then we get this ending scene. God. Fuck.

I knew that there was obviously something to that dream Pomni had in the beginning, but somehow I didn't expect this to be the conclusion to it. I guess I was too distracted by everything else. So when I got to this shot, I got all warm and teary-eyed.

Pomni finally feels like she's got a pack, a place in this digital circus. When you don't feel mentally alone anymore, there seems to be a weight that's lifted off your shoulders. It doesn't cure the sadness, but at least you know that if you need to be picked up, someone will be there. Depression wants you to be alone, but it just lost that battle. The internet has said it best: A win is a win.

The Bigger Picture

We all know where the end of the road is. How we get there is the mystery. This thought can really make a person feel small, especially when depression comes in to tell you that you in fact are small, according to the chemicals in your brain. But the power of numbers and knowing your place in the world makes facing the unknown a little easier.

I'll be honest, the words are kinda lost on me at this point. Our demise is a really hard topic to broach. I've lost a lot of people, especially some major players in my life (shoutout to the Dead Dads club), and still, I don't understand it all. But the best way I can explain it is through my own experience and how I applied it to this episode.

I had for a long time gone through life trying to prepare and prepare. I played the role of the strong, unaffected individual after being hardened by trauma in childhood. I didn't want to be outwardly emotional, because if I was I would have to admit defeat.

It made me feel weak, especially when my depression would whisper nasty things to me about my self-worth. The bigger picture at that time didn't even exist in my mind. I lived to serve and die. It was no way to live.

Only recently, with time, a couple grippy sock vacays and therapy have I started to form my own, new big picture. At the center of this is my interactions with others. Family, friends, and strangers, all of them are affected by my actions. Even during the days when I feel worthless or alone, I remind myself that even the little things I do have a spiderweb effect. I have worth, more so than serving others or being some obstacle. I can simply walk down the street and perhaps I'll be the person who some kid looks at and hopes to look like when they're older. My existence is so much more than just a give-and-take situation with everyone around me.

It felt like Pomni found her purpose in the circus, and it was more than just playing along until the end. Rather, it was to befriend the people around her who have proved in one way or another way that they care. Abstraction wasn't in vain to them. Lives mattered, and therefore so did Pomni.

In a vast, digital world where chaos looms like a grey cloud, Pomni always mattered. She just had to realize how, and it was much more than being an obstacle or a pawn. And so do we, I think.

[scekrex]

Male!reader x Adam NSFW prompt.. (I love these two..)

maybe an inexperienced reader x Adam but like it's their first time?? I think it could make some pretty good fluff too!

Oh fuck yeah that's good! I'm so fucking sorry that it took me so incredibly long to write this but! this is probably the longest thing I've ever written. Enjoy 3.3k words of smut

Let's make a mess and cross the line, you and me a masterpiece

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, anal sex

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

All those stupid instagram posts that had stated ‘No one dies a virgin, life fucks us all’ might’ve been true, yet none of these posts coudl’ve prepared you for the first sexual experience ever. Because despite the jokes the posts had been cracking, you had in fact died as a virgin and therefore you had only the slightest idea of what you were supposed to do. Good thing Adam was on the experienced side when it came to this - he had been bragging about how all of his sexual partners had always experienced an orgasm when they had been with him, how true those words were, you didn’t know, but you trusted him and his skillful mouth enough to believe his words. For now.

“Just fucking lay down and let the dickmaster do the fucking work, babes,” the brunette said and therefore gave you a task - something to work with, even if that meant to just lay down. It was something easy you could do. “Are you sure? I want you to enjoy this t-” the first man interrupted you by grabbing your jaw firmly yet soft enough to not hurt you - he wanted you to feel as comfortable as possible and scaring you by being too harsh wouldn’t help at all. “Babes,” his usually playful tone was all gone, all that you heard in his voice was seriousness, “I will, okay? Fucking lay down.” And as he spoke those words, his free hand came to first rest on your chest, then he started to press you down until your back hit the mattress. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you felt the softness of the fitted sheet against your naked skin. Fuck, were you really going to do this? Yeah, yeah you were and despite having only the slightest idea on how to act, you were okay. Like you knew how this would work out - two men having sex - you weren’t stupid after all. You had seen it in porn, you had read about it in books, you knew how this would go, you knew how it worked in general, but reading about it and doing it felt worlds apart now that you were about to lose your virginity. Yet Adam seemed to notice your inner conflict and he sighed as he lifted his hand from your chest and let go of your jaw, his once firm touch turned soft as he stroked your side up and down with his left hand, sitting next to you like a god - though you knew he wasn’t, he surely lived up to the angelic status. “You need to relax,” he hummed as his golden eyes roamed over your body, watching your muscles twitch under his gaze. He looked at you like you were the only one for him, like you were all he’d ever need, all he’d ever want. He looked at you with love, love he only had for you, love he would never give to somebody else. “Otherwise it’s gonna hurt,” and while that was all he voiced out loud, you heard the unspoken ‘And I don’t wanna hurt you’ so loud and so clear inside your head that for a tiny moment, you thought he had actually said those words.

You leaned into his touch like it was the most natural thing to do and listening to his soft voice brought comfort, you wanted him to keep talking yet you didn’t ask for it, would it be too much? Too weird? You didn’t know, all you knew was that you didn’t want to fuck this up. What if you overstepped by requesting too much and he would never want to have sex with you again? There were too many thoughts screaming inside your head, too many worries that took over your mind, that prevented you from relaxing because how could you relax when you had no idea what to do while Adam seemed to know it all? How were you supposed to bring pleasure to the first man when you didn’t know how? Sure, you could jerk him off but that wouldn’t be enough, would it?

The brunette watched you for a moment, watched as your muscles continued to twitch, how your body seemed so stiff, so far from relaxed and even though your eyes remained close, he could feel how unsure you were. “Y/N,” his voice was slightly louder than a whisper and if the room wouldn’t be as quiet as it was, you would’ve missed it, but oh how pretty your name sounded when it fell from his lips, he made it sound so holy, so divine. “We don’t have to fucking do anything.” That made you open your eyes, you lifted your head and looked him right in the eyes, that’s when he saw the worries that you were bottling up reflecting in your eyes. And he felt sorry for it, he felt sorry for the fact that he hasn’t got the words to offer you comfort - he has never been good with that. No one had ever comforted him so how was he supposed to know how to comfort other people? “You don’t want to?” was the first thing you asked, oh you were so scared of rejection, so afraid to not be good enough and Adam really hated the fact that he saw so much of himself inside of you. But while you were open about those feelings, he stored them deep inside, had locked them up and put on a cocky act to hide them as best as possible. Adam’s hand stopped at your waist, he grabbed a hold of it and pulled you a little closer to him, “I fucking want,” he replied quickly, assuring that he was indeed looking forward to having sex with you, “But do you?”

The question was left unanswered for a couple minutes, minutes you spent thinking. You did, that you were certain about, but you were also scared. So, so scared that you wouldn’t be good enough. “I-,” you interrupted yourself, breaking eye contact by tilting your head sideways, away from Adam. Dear God, why couldn’t you just tell him? It would make it so much easier, but you were also afraid of that because being afraid of having sex sounded so weird, so childish to your own ears - would he even understand? You didn’t know, on one hand you hoped he would on the other was Adam bragging about how good he was in bed - did he ever have any problems with having sex, has he ever felt as nervous as you were feeling? You doubted that.

The brunette waited for you to continue talking, he wanted to hear what you had to say. Though he thought he already knew, so he tried to help by voicing your feelings for you, “You’re scared.” And coming from him, it sounded so simple, like a small issue he could easily take care of. He managed to make it sound like the smallest problem in all of existence. “Yeah,” was your answer, spoken quietly, embarrassed by the fact that you were feeling the way you did. “That’s fucking okay,” was his response and even though he sounded genuine, you weren’t sure if you could believe his words. Because how could it be okay to be scared of having sex? There was not a single reason that justified your fear in the slightest bit and yet Adam acted like it was the most normal thing in the world - you really didn’t know if you hated or loved him for that. “We’re gonna take this fucking slow, babes,” the first man continued, “As fucking slow as you want.” He grabbed you by your upper arms and pulled your torso up, you were now sitting next to him again. “You’re gonna ride me,” and even though you knew he had his reasons for choosing a different position, you were even more scared of that sudden change. Now you were to do the work, after all. “That way you can pick the pace,” oh now that made a lot more sense and actually eased your worries at least a little bit. That way you had more control. “Okay.” And it seemed like it actually was okay.

The brunette got up to strip himself out of his underwear, then he sat down next to you again and you really couldn’t help but stare because how in the name of the mighty lord above was this about to fit inside of you? There was simply no way he’d fit all of it in - was that even important now? Probably not, yet to you it kinda was. Because how was this supposed to feel good for Adam when- The first man interrupted the train of thoughts that were running through your head by grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him, “Less fucking thinking and more focusing on me, babes.” You looked him in the eyes, gave him a small nod and then started to crawl up in his lap, once seated somewhat comfortably, you tilted your head to look up to him, “So uhm, am I just gonna…?” As you spoke you carefully wrapped one hand around his dick, causing a muffled moan to fall from his lips as he watched your every move. You were about to lift yourself up by grabbing a hold of his shoulder, but he stopped you, pushing you back down again, “I’m not gonna fuck your brains out without fucking preparation.” Normally he’d snap his fingers and get to the part where his dick would get wet, but he wanted to prepare you properly, not only because it was your first time in general, but also because it was the first time for the both of you together, he wanted this to be memorable, he wanted to please you in all the right ways, show you that there was nothing to be afraid of, that this was all about pleasure.

So he wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted your body up effortlessly, his free hand found its way to your ass, he got you used to his touch first my playfully squeezing your ass cheeks, then he slowly moved his index finger towards your entrance, giving you more than enough time to mentally prepare for what was about to come, with the hand he used to hold your body up he snapped his fingers, the cool liquid that was suddenly covering your entrance and his fingers made you flinch, it had been so unexpected yet it didn’t cause you to feel uncomfortable. As his index finger started to circle your hole, he hummed, “Don’t forget to fucking breathe, don’t want ya cute ass to pass out.” And that made you smile a little, his comment made the air feel less heavy and took some of the seriousness away - how he had done it? You had no clue. And then he slowly pushed his finger past the ring of muscles and you inhaled deeply, kept the air inside of your lungs until it started to burn, then you exhaled. The brunette watched you carefully, because while he was impatient to fuck your brains out, to make you feel divine, he also wanted to go slow on you - for now. Once his entire finger found its place inside of you, Adam spoke up again, “I won’t fucking move unless you say so. Take your sweet fucking time getting used to it, babes.” And while you felt like you should get used to it as quickly as possible to not keep him waiting longer than necessary - the hard dick in your hand twitched in excitement - you also trusted his words and took them to heart.

It took you a while to get used to the new feeling, to the feeling of being filled up, because while you had done that to yourself in the past out of pure curiosity, being opened up by somebody else - let alone your partner - felt so different, so much better. So you gave him the okay to move his finger and he was eager to comply, the thrusts were soft and slow they gave you time to adjust, to get used to it. Then the tip of his second finger brushed against your entrance and you swallowed hard, you knew the second finger would bring pain, that it would start to stretch you open properly, you were also aware of the fact that the second finger wouldn’t be the last - especially not with the size of Adam’s dick. “Relax babe#s,” Adam hummed as the hand that he didn’t try to bury in your ass came up to slightly tilt your head upwards, forcing your eyes to meet his. “I’m not gonna hurt your handsome ass, got it?” and while to others his words would sound harsh, maybe even insensitive, you knew that this was the most sensitive and ensuring he could offer, he tried his best to make you feel confident about having sex for the first time and you silently thanked him by nodding at his words. You knew he would not purposely hurt you, that has never been the problem in the first place, yet you were absolutely nervous about the natural burning pain that would follow soon as his second finger slowly started to enter you. But the pain never came and when you seeked for an answer in Adam’s eyes as to why that was, the first man gave you a familiar cocky smile and a promising wink, “Told you I won’t hurt your fucking ass.” And that you had to give him, there was no pain. At all. Not when the second finger had entered you, not when the brunette decided it was time for the third finger and even the fourth finger went in effortlessly without bringing any kind of discomfort with it.

“I think,” you whispered, hands on his hips as you gently fucked yourself up and down his fingers, the feeling of being sp full was still a little strange but the longer Adam kept his fingers buried inside of you, the more used yo u got to the feeling and the easier it was for you to let loose and give up some control, to let lust and desire take over. “I think I’m ready,” your voice was quiet as you finished your sentence, a thing Adam did not like since he’d rather see you filled with confidence, but he understood - or at least he tried his best to do so. A grin met your unsure eyes, “Yeah? Think you can take the og dick like you were fucking made for it?” The way he worded it made you shiver a little, because that was exactly what you wanted, you wanted for your body to swallow your lover’s dick like God had created you to do so. And so you gave Adam a firm yet silent nod, the grin that appeared on his lips at your reaction was almost devilish, “Words, babes.” - “Yes.”

That simple word was enough for Adam to withdraw his fingers and line his dick up against your entrance, before he pushed you down onto his erection, something deep within his eyes shifted, “If it gets too fucking much, tell me. Immediately.” And as soon as he heard another, “Yes,” from you, he slowly started to push your hips down, inch by inch, taking his time. He dug his nails in the soft flesh of your waist to keep him from bottoming out, he held onto every little bit of self control he was able to find within himself, he wanted this to last. Not only that though, he also wanted you to enjoy your first time with him, he wanted you to show you all he had to offer while also making sure you got pleasure from it. So he forced himself with all the willpower his body held to go as slow as possible.

His eyes were locked onto yours, making sure that the only emotions reflecting from them were positive ones, angelic magic be blessed for taking the pain away from you. And then your ass cheeks finally pressed themselves against his hips and Adam had managed to bury himself inside of you entirely without hurting you at all. Your face was scrunched up from the pleasure and the feeling of being filled up - his dick felt so much better, so much more fitting than his fingers. Just as the brunette wanted to check in with you and make sure you were okay you started to move your hips upwards, then you sunk down again and instead of checking on you, the first man moaned out a curse and tilted his head backwards. His reaction filled you with confidence and you repeated your motion as Adam’s nails dug deeper into your soft flesh. He tried his best to hold onto the remaining self control - to no avail though. It only took him a couple seconds before he started to eagerly meet your moves halfway through. His hips made no contact with the mattress anymore, he was too needy, too eager to bury himself inside of you over and over again. Your hands held onto his shoulders in order to make it easier to push yourself up and down. “Fuck, so fucking good,” the first man mumbled as his desperate eyes seeked your confident ones, that look he liked way better on you, especially because the confidence in your eyes was clouded by desire and neediness. You needed him to fill you up just as badly as he wanted to stain your insides with his cum.

The slow yet precise movements with which it had started grew quicker and sloppier with each thrust, with each moan and cry for more. And then the tip of Adam’s dick brushed against a spot that caused you to arch your back and your mind was filled with one thought only. You wanted Adam in every way possible, wanted him to dick you down, fill you up, make you see stars. You wanted him to rail your brains out but your lips were not able to voice those desires of yours, so you simply quickened the pace of your hip movement. A loud moan of his name fell from your lips as your hips tried to quicken the pace, the brunette’s hands on your hips prevented you from doing so. While normally he would enjoy a quicker and rougher pace, for your first time with him he wanted to keep it a little softer, wanted to not fuck your ass sore. You on the other hand seemed to have other plans. As his dick continued to press against that sweet spot inside of you, your hands nails dug into Adam’s shoulders as you pushed your body up and down as forcefully as possible - which basically meant as forceful as Adam let you. “Chill the fuck out, babes, ym dick ain’t going fucking nowhere, you can fuck yourself silly on it for the rest of fucking eternity,” the brunette huffed out breathlessly as he finally loosened his grip and let you set the pace to something more rough and harder, to something quicker and sloppier. Oh and how the both of you were enjoying it, Adam getting lost in the tight heat that surrounded his dick and you losing your mind as you pushed your body up and down Adam’s dick. It felt like you were high on drugs - not that you ever really did drugs, but you imagined this would come close to smoking weed, everything the two of you did, every little movement, every noise, every breath you and Adam were taking - it all felt divine and holy. Like God had wanted it to happen right then and there.

[david-talks-sw]

An argument I hear from time to time is the following:

"I don't care that this novel is considered Legends, if it was canon when George Lucas was in charge of Lucasfilm, it's still canon to me now. Whatever George says is what counts, I don't care what Disney says."

Putting the Expanded Universe's Star Wars and George Lucas' Star Wars in the same basket. And that's, uh... inaccurate.

So without further ado, let's explore:

George Lucas’ involvement in the Expanded Universe

Early years of the EU...

When the first bit of EU content came out in the form of the novel Splinter of the Mind's Eye, Lucas was too busy working on the films, so Alan Dean Foster wrote it by himself (which explains why Luke and Leia's relationship plays out romantically).

After the movies came out, when new material was going to be created, George told Lucas Licensing and other authors that the Prequel era was off-limits to write about, because he might tell that story one day.

Beyond that, they could go to town and write sequels, for instance. After all, part of why Star Wars was created was to let people's imagination run wild and George was happy to let other artists play in the sandbox he created.

That said, things were very clear from the get-go.

These weren't his stories.

The Thrawn books, Dark Empire, all this material was explicitly just Tom Veitch and Timothy Zahn and whoever else's creation. Not George's, who was described by Lucas Licensing's Lucy Autrey Wilson as "not very involved".

The most he did was answers "OK/Not OK" questionnaires about what the EU writers could or couldn't write.

Telling Yoda's backstory? Not OK.

Telling Han's backstory, between the Prequel and Ep. 4? OK.

Having someone wear Vader's suit after his death? Not OK.

The Emperor returning in a clone body? OK.

So that's it. That was his involvement in the 90s.

Him saying "don't write something set during this/that period".

"OK/Not OK" questionnaires.

It's also worth mentioning he didn't approve of Mara Jade, Luke's wife in the EU. In his mind, "Jedi don't marry".

Rather, the character herself wasn't an issue... until she married Luke. When Timothy Zahn asked for Luke and Mara to be married or engaged, back in 1993, Lucasfilm initially vetoed the idea.

According to Brian Jay Jones (author of "A Life", George Lucas' biography), in 1995 George convened a 'Star Wars Summit' wherein he gathered licensees and international agents to Skywalker Ranch to reinforce "the need for him to maintain quality control, especially in the areas of publishing, where some characters—such as Luke Skywalker, who’d been given a love interest in a fiery smuggler named Mara Jade—were living lives far beyond the ones he had written for them in the original trilogy".

Sources:

During the Prequels...

George Lucas was writing and directing three movies with large themes, shot almost back-to-back, commuting between Australia and California. That's hard enough as it is.

Also, in the 90s, most movies were still shot on film. During the making of Phantom Menace, Lucas shot parts of the film by combining prototype digital Sony cameras and using them in combination with videotapes, rather than shooting on film.

For Attack of the Clones, George worked with Panavision and Sony to develop fully digital cameras, which eventually became the standard.

As if that wasn't enough, by making the Prequels, Lucas and ILM were also creating fully-digitized worlds (Coruscant, Geonosis) and characters (Jar Jar, Yoda) and laying the groundwork for the CGI technology that has now become essential for today's blockbusters.

Having established all this...

Do you really think he had the time or the patience to read through a bunch of novels and guidebooks?!

Simply put: George Lucas was too busy revolutionizing cinema to be involved in the development of the EU.

So if you ask George who Tahl or Vitiate are, or what the Stark Hyperspace War or a vapor manifold are, if you ask him to recite you the Sith Code... he'll grumble and say "heck if I know".

He outright admitted that fans know more Star Wars lore than him.

Because SOMEBODY ELSE wrote that stuff.

And he let them do it because:

It made money. A lot of money, especially after TPM came out. Money that could fund his next films. You don't mess with licensing. Hell, it's why he was so cool with there being all those Star Wars parodies.

He didn't see those stories as canon anyway, so it couldn't hurt. He saw them as a separate universe, an alternate timeline wherein the films happened ALONG with all these other tales.

So associating the EU content with Lucas is unreasonable. He was too busy, so he just let Howard Roffman, Lucy Autrey Wilson, Sue Rostoni and Lucas Licensing do their thing and crank out new stories and transmedia content for the fans.

It was a one-way relationship. The licensing parallel universe needed to have some internal consistency AND adhere to what Lucas established in the new films movies (which was difficult because they weren't involved in the production process), but he didn't need to be in line or consistent with anything they established.

Now, George did set some guidelines/boundaries and there were obviously do's and don'ts. But once those boundaries were set and the brief was established, the authors had a lot of freedom and, like, 99% of their interaction was with their editors from the respective publishing houses (Scholastic, Del Rey, Dark Horse) and the folks at Lucas Licensing.

George was only really brought in to sign off on, like, some of the major plot points only once in a blue moon. Stuff like:

"Let's make a Maul novel". George would go "fine, just keep him mysterious."

"What species should Plagueis be?" George: "he could be a Muun, here's concept art."

Nothing more than that. Again: the Expanded Universe was other storyteller's interpretation of what Lucas had created.

Sometimes, it was spot on and it aligned with George's vision.

Other times, this additional lore was created by writers who didn't know what he was doing with the Prequels, so they were in the dark regarding certain plot points.

And then you have the authors who absolutely disagreed with George's vision of the Prequels, or of Star Wars, in general, but wanted to engage with the material nonetheless.

Which is why, whilst sometimes the EU fixed some plot-holes, sometimes the EU had inconsistencies.

Inconsistencies such as Ki-Adi Mundi being a Knight on the Council, who is married and has kids (when the Jedi being prohibited from marrying is a major plot point in the Prequels)...

… or the Jedi being essentially superhuman (when one of the narrative reasons Qui-Gon is killed is to show that the Jedi are mortals, not supermen)…

... or other stuff like Mace having a blue lightsaber for a period (because who the hell knew purple was an option?!) or some Jedi having red lightsabers, or Sith Lords being able to become ghosts after death, when that's a feat you can only achieve by being selfless.

It's also why you get conflicting definitions of what the Jedi call "attachment" or conflicting narratives trying to reframe midi-chlorians as a cold, intentionally-flawed way of seeing the Force (when they're meant to be a beautiful metaphor for symbiosis and how the Force works).

And it makes sense that some of this stuff wouldn't track, considering how Lucas stated multiple times that he didn't have anything to do with it, that it was a separate universe from his own...

Safe to say that if George had any involvement in the EU, it was so minimal that he, himself, didn't count it as "involvement".

Additional sources:

Later years of the EU...

After the Prequels were over and done with, Lucas created The Clone Wars with Dave Filoni. At first, he'd just suggest a few storylines, but he quickly got VERY involved in the whole process. Far more involved than he ever was with EU content.

And y'know... Dave Filoni is a massive Star Wars fan and an avid EU reader. So, from time to time, Filoni would bring up EU material for Lucas to consider during the story conferences, and they'd look at what was out there together.

But it's important to note that George's stance toward the EU didn't change and became a rule for everyone on the writing staff: the EU content was nothing more than a pool of "fun what-if ideas" that they could draw inspiration from.

If they could, they'd try to not mess with continuity... but if the story called for it, they could retcon anything without batting an eye. Because it wasn't canon to them.

It's why author Karen Traviss quit working with Lucasfilm after the Mandalorians were retconned into pacifists in The Clone Wars.

The only things that were truly canon were:

George Lucas' own word.

The movies.

Previously established The Clone Wars lore.

And that's it.

Everything else was somebody's else's concern. Not George's.

Sources:

This way of seeing the EU continued all the way to the time shortly before George sold the company to Disney as his drafts for the Sequels featured:

no Jacen, Jaina or Anakin Solo (Han and Leia's kids from the EU),

a still-alive Chewbacca (who died, later in the EU),

no "New Jedi Order".

Every version of George's Sequels ignored the EU.

Which would explain why the EU reboot was planned in the summer of 2012 (when Lucas was in charge)!

I'll repeat: the EU reboot was planned months BEFORE George Lucas sold the company to Disney.

Because of course it was! It's a natural result of 30 years' worth of content that's so intermeshed that it would stop future artists - namely George himself - from creating anything else.

Sources:

Exceptions to the rule:

1. Comics (kinda)

He did read the comics. Or at least, he gave them a glance.

Aside from the fact that he grew up reading comics, understand that George Lucas is a visual artist, first and foremost.

That's what he's about and that's what he loves, that's what speaks to him. There's a reason his upcoming Museum of Narrative Art will feature comic panels and pages of all kind.

During pre-production on Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, Lucas had the art team draw concept art before a script had ever been written so he'd have ideas for set-pieces.

Later on, J.W. Rinzler pitched him the idea of adapting his early drafts for Star Wars into comic form. Lucas' initial reaction was going "hell no". Rinzler had concept art made…

… and George took one look and was on board.

So it's not a stretch to assume that a book telling a story through beautiful drawings would catch his attention more than a novel.

Case in point: He knew who Quinlan Vos was and was enamored with the character. He knew Aayla enough to put her in Attack of the Clones after seeing a cover of Republic by John Forster featuring her (below, left).

(although, it's worth pointing out that he doesn't call her out by name a single time, in the director's commentary of the Attack of the Clones, she's just the "Twi'Lek Jedi" and her inclusion was done mainly to add more diversity to the Jedi fighting in the arena)

Over a decade later, when the comic Star Wars #7 came out in 2015, Lucasfilm acquired artist Simone Bianchi's original 20 pages and cover art for George, so he could feature it in his the Museum of Narrative Art:

So at the very least, he looked at the comics and admired the visuals.

Whether he actually read the comics in detail or just skimmed through most of them because he liked the pretty pictures (likelier, imo) is an entirely different matter.

Sources:

2. Video-Games (kinda)

Lucas would periodically check in on the status of LucasArts games, lending creative input and advice.

Sometimes, his advice ranged from "weird" to "he's gotta be fucking with us, right?"

Apparently, he advised the team developing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed that they dub Starkiller "Darth Insanius" or "Darth Icky".

And you know what? I have no trouble believing it.

Firstly because if you're going by the idea that he gave no fucks about the EU, then of course he'll come up with "meh" names. But also, this is the same guy who created "Winkie" in 2012/2013, the character who'd go on to be named "Rey".

He also told the team creating Star Wars: 1313 that he wanted a fresh face as the main character, then only weeks before the game was announced he went "let's make it Boba Fett".

Finally... the cancelled Darth Maul game by Red Fly.

Codenamed “Damage”, then “Battle of the Sith Lords”. Think Batman: Arkham City meets Star Wars.

Red Fly pitched it as a coming of age story where we see Maul be kidnapped, tortured, eventually joining the Dark Side, and ending in TPM. Then they had interactions with LucasArts and found out Maul survived his fight with Obi-Wan.

The game went through several iterations, partly because the people at Red Fly were kept in the dark about the developments in The Clone Wars (Season 4 wasn't out yet), and even when some tidbits came out and they knew characters like Savage Oppress and Death Watch would be included, they didn't get more details.

Whatever. They do their best to make something from what they're told. Then they have a meeting with George. As this GameInformer article explains:

“A friendly George Lucas entered the room and was eager to hear the pitch from Red Fly’s creatives. “Before they could finish their spiel, Lucas cut them off, stood up, walked over to [two Sideshow Collectibles statues of Darth Maul and Darth Talon], rotated them to be facing the same direction, pushed them together, and said ‘They’re friends!’” adds the source. “He wanted these characters to be friends, and to play off of each other. […] The problem with the idea of Maul and Talon teaming up for a buddy cop-like experience was that they were separated by over 170 years […] When this vast time divide was brought up to Lucas’ attention, he brushed off the notion of it not working, and said that it could instead be a descendant of Darth Maul or a clone of him.”

So now the game is about a descendant of Maul, guided by his ancestor and fighting a redesigned Darth Krayt, etc?

The game was eventually cancelled when George sold the company.

Worth pointing out that this was circa 2010/2011... around the time that George started working on his Sequels, according to Jett Lucas. And we know that the treatment for the Sequels that Lucas presented to Bob Iger featured old man Maul and Darth Talon as the villains of the trilogy... take from that what you will.

3. The Prequel novelizations (kinda)

They were all given a copy of Lucas' screenplay.

While most of their work was with Sue Rostoni, Lucy Autrey Wilson, and Howard Roffman on the Lucasfilm team (like some of the other authors), Terry Brooks, R.A. Salvatore and Matthew Stover all spent a bit of time with George before writing their respective novels.

George told Terry Brooks to write some additional material for Anakin Skywalker because there wasn't enough of that in the movie. He was shown rushes from the set, they "opened the safe" for him. When Terry had further questions re: midi-chlorians and the history of the Sith, George goes on a 30-minute monologue about all that.

R.A. Salvatore had a 45-minute interview with him that turned into a 3-hour chat. He was able to go back to the Ranch a few times during the writing process, and one of those times George chatted with him and his wife during lunch. He was shown various cuts of the film and concept art.

Matthew Stover and George talked for a whole afternoon (I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume he was also shown the other stuff like some cuts/deleted scenes, concept art, etc etc).

Was there a line-edit of the ROTS novel from Lucas? Regarding the Revenge of the Sith novelization, some people bring up the idea that George Lucas did a line-edit on the book because Stover wrote this statement on theforce.net:

That said...

Stover, also stated that Lucas told him to write whatever he wanted as long as it was good,

he also said he didn't actually see Lucas type the edits,

an anonymous Del Rey editor stated on theforce.net that the notion that George edited the novel himself is "extremely incorrect".

There's enough "reasonable doubt" for the argument to be made that the Revenge of the Sith novelization was edited the same way as any other Star Wars novel, rather than by George himself.

The fact remains, though, that it was a novel written by someone who understood the source material, as it was explained to him in detail by George Lucas himself (a luxury many SW authors never got).

Lucas' backstory for the Sith in the TPM novel: If Pablo Hidalgo is to be believed, the backstory of the Sith, as detailed in the Phantom Menace novelization, came from Lucas.

(Obviously, I'd allow for the very likely possibility that there was some embellishment by Terry Brooks)

20 years later, however, it seems George decided to stick to the idea that there was no war between the Jedi and the Sith.

Final thought:

A lot of people will insist that George was involved in spite of all the above-posted evidence. Saying stuff like:

"But [X person] said that it was canon..."

Sometimes, they’ll link you to this whole website collecting quotes of other people saying "the EU was canon" (never George Lucas except for, like, one/two quotes where he acknowledges the existence of Sequel books which MUST mean he saw them as canon, right?) and...

On the one hand... of course they'll all vaguely say he's "involved" and tip-toe around the subject; it's technically true and, again, they're trying to make money. It's a business, folks.

On the other... yeah? Duh. Of course it was canon to Lucas Licensing and the authors who wrote for the EU. But it wasn't canon to George. And I just gave you a whole bunch of quotes directly from him and/or the same people quoted on that website, all confirming that he didn't see them as canon and he wasn't involved (or barely was).

Other times, we're straight-up approaching "burying head in the sand/lalalala I'm not listening!" levels of justifications.

Like, we just talked about the Sith's origins, right?

I remember a while ago, this Star Wars YouTuber was reviewing this quote from Lucas, in The Star Wars Archives: 1999-1995:

The YouTuber's reaction the second after reading the quote is saying:

"And of course, what George is referring to, here, is the Battle of Ruusan and the Brotherhood of Darkness using the Thought Bomb created by Lord Khan to kill the Jedi Lord Hoth and…"

My guy! You read a whole excerpt that started with "there was never a war between the Jedi and the Sith" and the words "Ruusan" or "Thought Bomb" never being mentioned once in the passage (or in the TPM novelization)... and concluded that George was referring to the Jedi/Sith Battle of Ruusan? And all that other EU stuff?

See what I mean, folks?

Now, look, I grew up with these stories (heck, I grew up with these stories in three different languages). So I get it. I know they're awesome.

And, yes, there is a difference between the kind of content we used to get and the content we're getting now (for one, lightsabers used to be lightsabers, in video-games, not baseball bats).

But if you're trying to prop up the EU, the facts show that the "George Lucas signed off on them" authority argument isn't a valid one. Because he clearly wasn't very interested or involved in it.

And why would you want to use this authority argument, anyway?

You shouldn't need to say "this came from Lucas" to like those stories. They don't need to be George Lucas Approved™ to matter and to be validated as "worthy of appreciation". They're valid on their own, they're great stories. And if you like them better than the Sequels, go to town. I know I do.

The only thing you can't do (with a straight face, at least) is hold them up as "the True Lucas-Approved Canon™ as opposed to the Disney Trash" in a rant, because you'd be wrong and/or lying. Neither had Lucas' hand in them in any meaningful way.

Finally... I was devastated when the EU was officially made non-canon, in 2014. And for a few years, I saw the new Star Wars continuity through this lens:

"Any EU content is still canon unless it's directly retconned...!"

Trust me, when I say that only pain lies that way. Because that's not how a lot of Star Wars creators, including the Flanelled One himself, see it. The way they saw/see it is:

"Unless it's been shown in a movie or TCW... it's a legend, it might have happened."

This line of thought seems to be increasingly applied to the new Disney canon too, by the way. "If it's not shown on a screen, then it's probably canon yet also up for grabs to be retconned."

And the sooner you accept that this is how it's being treated, the sooner you accept that the EU was never canon to Lucas or Filoni...

... the less painful it'll be when, I dunno, you watch The Acolyte and it's nothing like the Darth Plagueis novel or Plagueis himself is absent, or he's there, but as an Ithorian instead of a Muun.

(note how I didn't use the word "painless")

[osamusriceballs]

The Accident - Part XVIII

Atsumu x fem reader

Warnings: NSFW!!

Words: ~ 4,9 k

About: Finally! Pure smut, barely plot. Can be skipped if you're uncomfortable with that. The longest part so far xD

Part I II -> Final Part

Your relationship with Atsumu has been thriving.

You came to appreciate that he is actually a very reliable and vivid texter and how you both regularly went on dates- something that he insisted on, and you definitely couldn't complain about that. You know that he has a tight schedule, but that apparently doesn't stop him from inviting you over every single weekend, without exceptions, always making sure that Saturday night belongs to the two of you. Often, you would go to Onigiri Miya's to eat, much to Osamu's delight. He always insists that you don't have to pay, yet you still often place a crumpled 10 bucks note in the tip jar to keep the guilt at bay.

You both have developed a routine of eating out together and then watching a movie at Atsumu's place. He's told you a lot about his work, sometimes complaining about other players, but he seems really confident in his skills, with the start of the Olympics getting closer and closer every single day, which he is anticipating quite a lot.

You'd tell him about your work too, tell him about the things that you like, that you enjoy to read, confessing with reddened cheeks that you sometimes read rather unconventional stories, to which his smug grin had intensified, and he seemed very interested in getting details of that, which you denied at first, but then promised him to send him recommendations. You had also told him how Yachi and you met and how you got to know Hinata and Kageyama. You came to enjoy this caring side of Atsumu, and it feels rather domestic to spend time with him like this, just the two of you talking and having fun.

And more often you'd find yourself in Atsumu's lap after talking for hours, heavily making out with him until you both gasp for air- just like today.

You barely pay any attention to the movie, the sounds only faintly in the background, some action movie that Atsumu found with a good rating and insisted you both watch—and instead, it didn't even take him ten minutes to scoot a bit closer and to gently turn your face towards him to kiss you, deepening the kiss quickly and then pressing your back against the couch. He's now hovering over you, your legs wrapped around his middle and your hands deeply entangled in his hair. You came to notice that he loves when you play with his hair, sometimes even resting his head in your lap just to have you give him a head massage, so you don't hesitate to feel the soft strands in your fingers and scratch his scalp softly.

He groans against your lips when you slightly pull on the strands, and a breathy moan escapes your lips when he grinds his hips against yours. He's hard already. Very much so. You feel his cock pressing against you, just the fabric of his sweats and your panties separating your bodies from each other. Your skirt rode up when Atsumu had forced your legs open to settle in between them, but you don't mind laying under him like this. The tension between you is thick, and you're glad that you're wearing a nice matching set of underwear tonight, even though you're convinced that he couldn't care less about your choice of clothes.

"Gosh, yer driving me crazy." He pulls back just enough to look into your eyes, and you swear you could combust at the sight of pure unrestricted lust in his eyes. This is usually what you'd do: make out until you both couldn't take anymore and then fall asleep together while cuddling, without going further. He made it pretty clear that he wants to take this slow and earn your forgiveness for the situation, and while you appreciate his efforts, you'd also appreciate him doing just a bit more with you. "Tsumu—can we... you know... go a bit further?" You ask with bright cheeks, hoping that he's also willing to take that step with you, and he raises a brow in a teasing way, and you almost push him back when you see his sexy smug grin. "Oh? Wifey wants more, huh?" He dips his head, and his lips find your neck, kissing down to your pulse, causing you to release a soft breath while you arch against him, his cock now hardly pressing between your legs. "I would be a bad husband if I deny your wishes."

His kisses get just a bit rougher, his teeth grazing against your skin, and you arch into him when he bites down slightly. "Atsumu—" you try to even out your breath, but you can't seem to calm down when he nibbles on your skin, the feeling almost painfully intimate when he cages you underneath him like this. "We can go a bit further, if ya want to. I could go right here." He shifts his weight and angles his face a bit deeper to press a kiss against your collarbones, leaving a tingling sensation on your skin when he pulls back. "Or right here." His fingers pull down the side of your shirt until you expose even more cleavage to press a sensual kiss at the swell of your breasts. You feel heat rushing through your body, and you softly moan at the action- he's driving you insane.

"How far do you want me to go?" He looks up at you, his eyebrow raised in a silent question while he looks at you. His face is close, so close, you can see his flushed cheeks and widened pupils, and you're certain that you could explode any second when he looks at you like this. "All the way. If you're okay with that?"

You barely manage to finish the sentence before he already starts moving to press your back harder into the couch until you lay flat. A soft gasp leaves your lips, and your eyes widen when he thrusts his hips against yours in the process, the friction so good and welcoming against your sensitive spots. His fingers find the hem of your shirt, and he gently pulls it up until your bra is exposed to his eyes. An almost dangerous glint is in his eyes when his thumbs hook in the cups of your bra and simply pull them down until they rest under your tits and force them to stand up. Your chest heaves heavily, your nipples perky, not only because of the chilly air but definitely because of his undivided attention.

He suddenly brings his thumbs to his lips, one after the other, quickly licking the digits, before his hands cup your tits, his wet thumbs rubbing over your perked nipples, a sensation that has you release a small whimper. His hands start to softly massage your breasts, and you thank all deities for his setter hands, so big and warm and skilled, feeling so good against your bare skin. Your own fingers grab into the cushion below you while you try not to squirm too much—not that you could escape from him now when he's basically straddling you and keeps on playing with your tits.

It feels good—really good, the tingling sensation between your legs growing stronger with each passing second, and you start to wiggle underneath him, your body aching for more of his touch. Atsumu notices the shift in your demeanor and softly pinches your nipples one last time before he moves a bit down, his hands caressing your bare sides while he does so. The way he's treating you makes you almost whine out loud, so soft and tenderly, it's making your head spin. "I love how your skin feels. So soft and warm." He mumbles, his eyes scanning your whole body before he suddenly gets up, just enough to not sit on you anymore. Instead, he kneels between your legs, grabbing your thighs and pushing them apart a bit further to have a good look at your panties. "A matching set?" he asks when his eyes wander back to the bra that still pushes your tits up. "Yes," you nod a bit breathless and flustered, and the way he's taking things so slow makes you feel even more needy for him, while he seems so calm and cool. Probably his year-long experience of keeping his cool every single day when he's playing.

"I like it. But I think these need to go." He nods towards your panties, the sheer material not hiding much actually, but the clear wet stain on them makes the situation even more scandalous. You nod with reddened cheeks, and he places two fingers against the wet stain, caressing and softly rubbing against the spot, while keeping his eyes on your face. "Though, I'm really glad to see that yer enjoyin' this as much as I do." His finger softly presses inside of you, just a little bit with your panties still between you, a shock of electricity rushing though your body when the fabric stretches against your clit, and his finger enters just the tiniest bit inside of you. He stills for a second, watching your reaction for a second, before he brings his other hand to the fabric, hesitating, before he clears his throat before he meets your gaze. "Can I rip 'em?"

You stare at him with wide eyes, unable to form words, understanding that this is something that he wants to do even though he seems slightly embarrassed by it. You're so turned on by the question though that you simply nod, and he brings both of his hands to the fabric and pulls. It takes him two more attempts before the fabric softly rips, his attempt to be gentle and careful to you very clear, and the simple display of his suppressed strength has your pussy clenching around nothing. He scoots slightly back, his eyes focused on your cunt, drinking in the sight of you, while you tremble in anticipation. This is even better than all the fantasies you've had about him so far, all the dirty thoughts about his arms and thighs that made you stick your hands into your panties when you're in need of release. All of that can't compare to what you're feeling right now.

"I'll eat ya out first 'kay? Get ya nice and ready for me." You open your mouth, ready to protest that you're already wet for him and you don't need further prep, and that you just want him to fuck you, but your protest gets stuck in your throat when he settles on his stomach, his arms grabbing your legs and hoisting the above his shoulders. He is on eye-level with your pussy and you suddenly feel so exposed, yet still so safe with him.

"So pretty," he mumbles, and you're not sure if that was even meant for you to hear, and you let out a gasp and a soft choke of his name when he softly licks against your folds. Softly, just testing the waters- and judging by your reaction, his is convinced that he can do more to you. His tongue licks against your folds again, harder this time, putting more pressure on you and you mewl contently. "Just like that, pretty girl. Let me do my thing and enjoy yourself. Part of my husband duties, to keep my wife satisfied."

He kisses against your entrance, resting his lips on yours and letting his tongue peak out just the tiniest to get you a feeling of it, and you clench involuntarily at the feeling of his warm tongue. He licks against your folds again, this time pausing when he reaches your clit, softly closing his lips around it and sucking. "Atsumu-" you gasp with wide eyes, your legs almost caging his head when he sucks a bit rougher. "Shhhhhsh," he hushes you and sucks just a tad bit softer, one of his hands letting go of your leg and moving between your legs too. Your breathing pattern is irregular and you moan when you feel a wave of need rush through your body.

One of his fingers prods against your entrance while he keeps his lips enclosed on your clit and you feel like you're going to explode. It's hot- so, so hot when he softly pushes a digit inside you, his tongue messily licking your clit until your eyes roll back and your back arches off the bed- you can imagine how lewd you look right now. Flushed cheeks, crossed eyes, your tits exposed while you arch your back like you're in heat with Atsumu's head between your legs, licking your cunt while he fingers you open.

It's hot, oh, so hot. The way he's pumping his finger inside of you, slowly adding another one when he feels you easing up for him. The way he's licking up all of your arousal, groaning against you and humping the bed for a bit of friction for himself while he gives you pleasure. The way he's watching you heavy lidded, probably unable to see much of your face, but the occasional glances of your expression are enough for him. He's addicted to your taste, addicted to the way you moan his name, softly at the beginning, but now with more urgency and need, getting louder for him when he increases the pace of his fingers. You didn't know what to do with your hands at first, but now you're gripping his hair and pushing him ever so softly against your pussy, unable to resist the need to get more friction, and he so willingly gives you more. The wet sounds of his fingers pushing into you and the way he's messily eating you out makes you feel like you're in heaven. He could do this for hours, worship your taste and listen to your sweet sounds, but he can feel you clenching repeatedly around his fingers, indicating just how close you are.

"Tsumu- I can't- gonna-" you barely manage to form words, moans and deep breaths hindering you from saying what you want to say, but he simply keeps going at the same pace and you suddenly feel your high overwhelming you.

It's too much. The heat, his face between your legs, the way he's fingering you, the way his tongue is teasing your clit and giving you just the right amount of attention- it takes you like a wave and you feel your muscles tensing and arching against his face while you come. Your mouth is wide open a lewd sounds leave your lips while you feel the delicious sensation rushing through your body. Atsumu doesn't change his position, nor his pace, he simple keeps his ministrations up and licks up your juices until you only whimper softly and your hand falls weakly onto the couch. He kisses your cunt, gentle and caring while he pulls his fingers out, his lips ever so soft while he whispers a praise against your folds, and you feel how you blush at the sudden unexpected sweetness.

Your body finally relaxes and you fall back into the cushions. He slows down his ministrations and looks at his hand with a grin, your slick on them evident. You focus your eyes on him and follow all of his movements when he shortly licks his fingers with a groan before he grabs his shirt, his fingers leaving a mess on the dark fabric before he pulls it over his head and throws it away. You silently ogle him, taking in the sight of him, broad chest heaving heavily, strongly defined shoulders and arms, and the slightest bit of dark hair trailing down to the band of sweatpants. "Ya alright? Wanna go further?" His voice is a bit raspy and his cheeks slightly reddened and it makes your heart beat faster. His hands find your sides and softly caress the skin while he waits for your answer. He's still hard, you can see it through the fabric of his pants, but you're convinced that he would not push you to go further, no matter how painful it is for him. You look at him softly and nod, a small smile on your face when you reach out to him. "Kiss me, please?"

He nods with an approving hum and leans down to kiss you, his weight now settling on your body in a comforting way. Your hands reach for his hair when he kisses you, your body arching up against his when his lips meet yours in a gentle but firm kiss. You allow your hands to wander and to explore his naked body while you return the kiss, your tongue moving against his while you rake your nails softly against his bare back. You can feel a shudder running down his spine and you repeat the motion, only to be rewarded with a little groan against your lips. You let one of your hands roam to his stomach, feeling the muscles clench under your fingers, and hesitantly move further down to the trail of soft hair, waiting for him to either stop you or to encourage you.

Atsumu is quick to raise his hips to allow you to have your way, his hips raising just enough to allow your to move your hand between your bodies. The soft hair on his abdomen tickles the palm of your hand and you let your fingers roam to the hem of his pants, until you feel the bulge. He inhales sharply when you palm him through his pants, his muscles clenching hardly when he finally gets some friction. You softly move your hand, feeling his length, the hardness of him, his balls, heavy and full. He takes a shaky breath, his eyes closing for a second, before he opens them abruptly and leans down to kiss you. His lips are glued to yours, deepening the kiss while he angles his face to push his tongue just a bit rougher against yours. You finally move your hand inside his pants, fingers hesitating for a second at the hem, but then you slide them under the fabric and reach for his cock.

He is big. Big and warm, wet with precum already, and you trace the shape with one of your fingers while your other hand holds his shoulders for support.

You explore his cock, getting a feel of him, how long he is, how he feels against your skin- and you love every single second of it. You softly close your hand around his shaft and start stroking, being rewarded with an airy gasp against your lips. You start jerking him of, moving your hand in a steady rhythm, while making sure that you don't push him too far. "So good," he rasps against your lips and you moan in response, feeling a wave of adrenaline rushing through your body. Your free hand moves to his ass, boldly pulling the fabric down, and clumsily you release his cock after you managed to pull his pants down just enough to have his cock spring free and to poke between your legs.

You only now realize that he is indeed bigger than you thought- just having him pressing himself against your body makes your eyes open widely. He looks at you through half-lidded eyes, observing al of your reactions while he waits for you to make a move, effectively showing you that you're in charge. He just hovers above you and looks at you expectantly.

As if you could stop now. Your body is screaming for him, aching for him and you simply spread your legs further and gently grab his cock, lining him up at your entrance without any more words.

His eyes widen, clearly surprised by you taking the initiative this fast, but he nods and seems to brace himself for what you're about to do. You collect some of your slick with the mushroom head of his cock, making sure he is well-lubricated before you line him up once again. Atsumu suddenly takes in a sharp breath and pushes his hips back, just out of reach for you now- much to your confusion. Did you read the signs wrong? What if he doesn't want to-

"Do ya want me to use a condom? I don't mind, ya just hafta tell me and-" he starts and vaguely gestures towards the bedroom, and you look at him wide eyed.

"Tsumu-" you whisper, your heart swelling with affection, tears almost dwelling in your eyes at his honest expression. "I uhm... I'm assuming that you're clean? i don't mind if you... if you don't use a condom. I use contraceptives." You know that your cheeks are bright red while you keep talking, but the moment just feels so painfully intimate, when you're basically asking him to fuck you raw- it almost feels like love. It makes you vulnerable and you have a hard time looking into his eyes, but he is quick to turn your face towards him, his hand gently cupping your chin, while more of his weight suddenly lasts on you.

He looks at you for a moment, not saying anything, simply studying your face before he presses his lips against yours in a longing and gentle kiss. You return the kiss your hands quickly wrapping around his broad shoulders while you move your lips against his. He pulls back, his eyes so soft while he watches you. "Your trust means a lot to me. I'll make sure to keep it forever."

You're too flustered to say anything, your heart heavily pounding in your chest, so you take that as a cue and line his cock up at your entrance, this time angling your hips a bit, until the head of his cock disappears between your folds and stretches you out. "Please-" you gasp for air when you feel him pushing inside. You see how his gaze turns hazy, your own eyes also unable to focus on the sight of him while he pushes deeper and deeper inside of you, until he's finally bottoming out. His breath is shaky, his facial expression looks like a mixture of shock and pure bliss. "Yer- squeezin' me- so good, fuck," his eyes roll back, his muscles clenching hard while he tries to keep his weight as steady as he can.

You're not any better under him. His cock feels so big inside of you, a stretch that you haven't felt for so long, feeling better like anything you've ever had before. You feel tears dwelling in your eyes- from pleasure and from feeling so close to him, so connected like you're meant to be with each other, and he is quick to notice the change in your expression. "What's wrong?" He seems more focused when he leans down to press kisses to your cheeks, your nose, your lips, gentle while he holds you. "N-nothing. It's just- I'm feeling a lot of things right now- please, Tsumu, I- I just like you so much-" your voice is low and soft, and he lifts his face to look at you, his expression so gentle and kind, you're sure that you'll never forget this moment. "I like ya too. Don't wanna live without ya, y/n. Yer precious to me- in a way I don't think anyone has been precious to me." His confesses, and you feel like your heart is skipping a beat.

He's not confessing his love to you- you've only known each other for a few months, with a rather long pause during the incident, it's too early to talk about love. Yet, you're convinced that he feels the same. That you're both made for each other and will love each other. Unconditionally.

You both don't need more words, and he presses his forehead against yours and looks deeply into your eyes while he starts to move his hips. Your jaw drops and your lips part slightly when he pulls away, his cock almost leaving you completely before he thrusts back in, slowly and controlled, so much that it drives you crazy. You can't even talk and beg him to do it again, yet he still understands what you need, and repeats the motion, thrusting into you nice and slow just how he is convinced that you like it. You moan softly, your breath meeting his lips while he starts setting a pace, sensual and slow, angling his hips slightly different until your hands grab into his shoulders just a bit harder when he hits the spot that makes you see stars. He curses when you clench around him, but he doesn't stop but keeps thrusting just a bit harder.

You don't know how long he keeps on fucking you like this, the pace nice and slow, just like lovers would, both of you enjoying the pleasure of being so, so close to each other, until you can't help but to feel your high approaching. Your legs wrap tighter around his waist, your heels digging into his back while you clench around him, knowing that you're almost there. His facial expression shifts at that sensation and his eyes shoot wide open.

"Fuck- y/n-" he groans and suddenly grabs your hips tighter when he pulls out- completely this time. Your jaw drops at the loss of friction, your hips trying to fight against his grip to bring him to push back into you- fruitlessly.

"Why are you-" you whine, feeling robbed and empty, your body needing him to be closer, needing him to give you something. "Shhh, I got ya." He moves your hips and you understand what he's trying to do, helping him to move your body until you're kneeling in front of him. The new position makes you tremble uncontrollably, and you know that his gaze is focused on your pussy while you nervously shift in his grip. "So, so pretty," he groans and leans down to press a kiss against your ass cheek, and you whimper at the praise.

"My pretty princess, I'll make ya feel so good, 'kay? Just a bit more, can ya wait for me, huh? I'll fill ya up nice and good if ya do." You could come from his dirty talk and his voice alone, your pussy helplessly clenching at the thought of what there is to come, and you loudly moan when he finally pushes inside, the angle so much deeper than before, it makes you see starts and until you tighten around him like a vice. He curses, his hands gripping your ass cheeks hard and spreading them to watch his cock disappear into your wet folds. You meet his thrust, desperate for more friction, and he slams back into you harder, making you slowly lose your mind. Your arms give up and your face lands on the pillow, but you barely notice that, all of your nerves only consisting of the pleasure that Atsumu is giving you.

"Fuck, y/n- can ya cum for me? Can ya do that, pretty princess?" He groans, one of his hands releasing your ass to rub circles on your clit- a little sloppy and uncoordinated at first, but when he finally hits the spot you drool on the bed sheets. "Tsumu- gonna cum- gonna cum for you-" you whine out loudly, and it only spurs him on to move faster until you cry out his name, only able to form this one word while you clench around him and reach your high. You realize that he's cumming to, but he doesn't slow down, his groans turning into an overstimulated whimper while he keeps on fucking you while cumming. He's coming so much inside of you, it's already dripping down your leg before he's even finished, but you enjoy the feeling of the hot sticky liquid on your skin.

You don't know how much time has passed until you finally calm down and simply lose all tension. He softly pulls out and places your hips on the couch before he collapses and flatly lays down on his back next to you. His arms reach out for you, and you allow him to pull you against his sweaty chest. You're sweaty too- something that you only notice now, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's probably used to sweat anyway. His hand starts caressing your hair, and your fingers roam along his chest, feeling the soft flushed skin under your fingers.

"How was it?" His hand still caresses your hair while you lay on his chest, listening contently to the sound of his heartbeat with a smile forming on your lips. "That was... really good," you airily laugh and cuddle closer against his chest, and he wraps his free arm tightly around you, instantly making you feel warmer when your barely clad chest presses against his naked one.

"Just really good? I'll need to work on my stamina, can't have ya sayin' really good only. Wasn't that mind blowing or something like that? Felt mind-blowing to me at least."

You softly snort at his words and look up to him, only to find him looking at you fondly. "Wanna stay over? I'll order some take out and we can finish that movie?" His eyes flicker to the screen, only to see that the movie is basically over. "Or we can start another movie. I think there is a sequel to that."

"Shouldn't we finish the first one before we start the sequel?" You look at him with raised brows, and he laughs softly at your reaction. "You're perfect. Just stay right here." His arm wraps around you, and you feel warmth in your heart,

while you lie in the arms of your husband.

[astrobei]

take a little moment (find the right words)

“Wow,” Will breathes out, just on this edge of teasing. “You sound very confident about this.” “Well,” Mike shrugs, swallowing hard in a desperate attempt to soothe his very, very dry mouth, “I don’t know why someone wouldn’t be interested in you.” “Oh?” Will says, and it’s definitely teasing now, enough for Mike to feel himself turning warm, all down his neck and to the tips of his own – sadly unpatterned – socks. “Someone?” “Yeah.” Mike nods. Oh, god. This is fine. “In a very arbitrary sense of the word. Just– people. Someone.”

Mike is approximately ninety-eight percent sure that his feelings are requited. That last two percent, however, has really been throwing him for a loop.

for @wiseatom <3

[sluttyhenley]

Phoenix isn’t even sure when she made the decision, but she knows it deep in her bones. She’s going to do this. It’s terrifying and it’s going to throw a terrible wrench in her career plans. It doesn’t make sense, but she wants this.

put a hold on my heart a rooster/phoenix story by @sluttyhenley

[yesokayiknow]

The Doctor is dying. The Doctor isn't dead yet. (or, thirteen in the star beast, what crimes will she commit)

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

The way Chloe Gong pulls off fake deaths the way she does is an amazing testament to her skill as an author.

Usually fake deaths cheapen the blow of losing a character. You have to go through all of the emotional turmoil of losing a beloved character and watch everyone mourn them only for everything to be okay because actually they were kind of integral to the plot and the author needs them but also they also wanted to make the book sad for a little bit but hey everything is okay now!

But Chloe Gong doesn't do this. She gets you invested in what you usually know from the start is a doomed story. She makes you very desperately want to believe that the character that you know is going to die won't die. And then. She kills them.

And it's horrible. You mourn for them. You have to watch the other characters react to the death. But most of the time, it's a fake death. And even if you know or suspect this from the beginning, it still hurts, often just as much, if not more, than it would if the death were real.

And not just because of the way she writes grief, which gets more and more painful with each new book she releases. But instead of killing off a character for a quick gut punch and bringing them back because they were actually way too important to kill and she needs them for the plot, she uses fake deaths to create these absolutely insane scenarios that are often, at least in my opinion, more painful then just killing off the character.

When Marshall fake died, for example, she could've just had him die and forced Juliette to deal with the grief and guilt of killing her friend as well as the implications of Marshall's death for her relationship with Roma plus everyone else's grief and then created a weird situation where Roma can just,,, get over her killing Marshall and still like her. Instead, she creates this absolutely insane situation where Juliette is still grieving for the loss of her relationship with Roma, and Roma and Ben are grieving for Marshall all with Marshall still being alive. And rather than just using Marshall as a plot device to be sacrificed to make the other characters more interesting, she makes him more interesting as well. She forces him to watch as Benedikt and Roma grieve for him, making his relationship with both of them, as well as Juliette more interesting in the process.

And then when Roma and Juliette fake died at the end of OVE, even if you suspected it, it being fake doesn't take away from the pain very much, especially knowing what happens in Foul Lady Fortune. Alisa, whose only real family was arguably Roma and Benedikt, is left behind to raise herself and she is too afraid to check to see if Roma and Juliette are really dead. Because if they are dead, then she's truly alone, clinging onto the false belief that hope won out while everything she ever knew disintegrates around her. Plus, even though Benedikt and Marshall figure out pretty quickly that the death was fake, they're still forced to cope with the grief and guilt of having had a hand in the situation and forced to flee the country with only each other, thrust into a world where their best friends are dead and the hope that they are relying on to get themselves away from everything is based on the same sense of hope that ultimately lead to the "deaths" of Roma and Juliette. And then there's the cruelty of the sense of responsibility Rosalind feels for their deaths. And how after they died, she became deathly ill, but like them, was inexplicably saved. But she can't move on from their deaths and spends every waking hour and every unsleeping night of her immortal life trying to put the broken world they left behind back together. And Celia sees Alisa and Rosalind regularly. As she watches two people who she cares about immensely suffer for years after the deaths occurred, she can't say anything. Even though her first loyalty is to her sister, she's forced to watch Rosalind grieve and become a ghost of a person who seems to derive purpose solely from the pursuit of an impossible mission. And Roma and Juliette, who so deeply wanted to make the city better are forced to watch as things get worse and worse and the people that they seemingly sacrificed everything to save continue to suffer.

In Foul Lady Fortune, the fake deaths are a little different. So far, the only characters who have fake died are Dao Feng and Lady Hong, the later of which falls into this trope a bit more loosely. In Dao Feng's case, it leads to worry then betrayal on Rosalind's part. Her worry was all for nothing, and she's once again put in a place where one of the few people she dared to care about has left her and likely never truly cared about her in return (at least as of the end of FLF). Assuming that he did genuinely care about her based on As You Like It, I am very interested to see how this ends up playing out.

Lady Hong's case is somewhat similar. Although we never really think with absolute certainty that Lady Hong died, Orion suspects that his father could have done something to her and has no concrete explanation for her disappearance. He grieves her absence even though her relationship with him was always iffy at best. Only to find out that she never cared for him as anything other than a tool for her to take advantage of. Like Rosalind, he is left feeling used and as if all of his grief and pain were for nothing.

(Hiding the part below this because of huge Immortal Longings spoilers)

In Immortal Longings, you know that either Calla or Anton is going to have to die at the end because of the structure of the games. And as their relationship progresses, you dread the resolution more and more. You want a fake death. You want them to find some hole in the rules that will allow them both to survive. And Calla comes up with a plan that allows this. She gives you false hope. She lets you cling to the idea that the horrible ending you can so clearly see coming won't happen. And then that hope is snatched away, and you're even closer to the ending. And you know what's coming. You know that Anton has to die. And then the final crumb of hope is snatched away from you and they're in the ring together. And just when it's too late, Anton tells Calla that they could run for the wall together. He's finally willing to set aside Otta Avia, without who they wouldn't even be there in the first place. But it's too late. Because this is bigger than either of them. And Calla knows that she has to kill him. And she sinks her knife into his back in some of the most excruciating paragraphs I have read in my life. You see Anton realize that although he was willing to make a run for it with her, she has bigger plans. She isn't doing him a kindness by killing him first, and even though she may be planning on ending her own life as well soon, she cares more about killing King Kasa than she ever did about him. So when, at the very end, it is revealed that Anton somehow survived, it's somehow a million times worse than if he had actually died. Even though you so desperately wanted the book to not end in on or both of them dying, this isn't what you wanted. Now, he's alive and remembers just how willing she was to sink a knife through his back. And Calla must grieve for him all over again because even though he's alive, she surely can never truly have him back after what she did.

In conclusion, Chloe Gong is a legend and a genius. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk I guess.

[madamemiz]

Mayhaps I have a crumb of Ventura Highway content, I live for this AU

!!!!!!

kissing you on the forehead friend, have a crumb :3c

And like a summer storm, the dark look vanishes as soon as it appears, the moment broken.

“Right, right, right! Don’t worry your pretty little head about silly ol’ bears. I can take ‘em!” He dances away from you, breaking you out of your rather embarrassing stupor in the process, and makes a rather exaggerated show of ‘flexing’ his non-existent arm muscles.

The bit works as intended, dragging a surprised laugh out of you. You throw a hand over your forehead dramatically, chasing away the worst of your flush. “Ahh, my hero! Ready to slay the threat of an extinct creature! How exactly will you fell the terrible beast? Shall your tear it asunder for me, torn betwixt like a sheet of fragile paper in your powerful grasp?”

“Of course!” He replies without missing a beat, gleefully sincere. 

You pause, staring blankly. The mental image of Sun tearing apart a bear with his bare hands for you is both comical and viscerally horrifying. Whether or not he actually could is another matter, but you completely believe he’d try if push came to shove.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you’re sure he’d succeed. You shudder.

[melamegalon]

Small updates

I've made a couple changes to both of my fics and I thought I ought to post about it...

First off, I combined Day-to-Day into one fic instead of as a series of separate singular chapters. I had them separate originally because when I wrote Values I wasn't planning on it being part of a larger work. But now it is, so, yeah. Combined them. I'm gonna delete my original uploads for Conscience, Perception, and Identity in a month, but they can all be found in Day-to-Day.

Second thing is I added a little extra scene to the end of the first chapter of Tomorrow Is Another Chance! I'm sorry for any confusion this might cause-- neither of these things should happen again.

I've finished planning out all of the chapters for Part I and it should come out to either 7 or 8 at the end. I have chapter 2 fully written, but I'm gonna sit on it for another few days and try to get ahead before I put it up. I'm hesitant to give an estimate on when Part I (of III) will be all said and posted, but I can't see it taking longer than the end of June at my current rate.

[aeriona]

Wrote a random, dumb little scene for my Eldritch AU, set during the events of the manga, before the betrayal.

I'll eventually make more of these, and when I do I might put them all up on AO3? maybe? idk. anyways hope you enjoy my blatant self indulgence goodbye-

~~~~

Vio had returned to the Tower a bit later than he'd expected, the sun was well and truly gone from the sky. According to Vaati, there’d been a sighting of some Hyrulean soldiers wandering through the forest a little too close to the Tower’s entrance. Vio was smart enough to know it was probably an excuse to be rid of him for the day. He understood, the feeling was mutual.

He didn’t even find anyone out there anyway, thank Hylia. Vio shrugged his room’s door open with his shoulder and set down his belongings on the floor, stopping completely in his tracks as he processed what was in front of him.

A gigantic, ash-coloured creature was sprawled out on the bedroom floor, with a myriad of unnaturally-bent limbs and tendrils spread out across the carpet. After a brief moment of panic, Vio realised that he was indeed looking at his friend Shadow, and not a deadly eldritch monster. 

No, this monster was nice and not at all deadly. Very fortunate for him indeed.

Shadow had two and a half pairs of arms folded under his head, a few exposed fangs gleaming in the dim moonlight. His breath came out in gentle, rhythmic huffs that reminded Vio a little bit of a dragon.

Vio wasn’t aware that Shadow could sleep, he’s never seen him do it before. Did he even need sleep? Curious, the violet hero quietly approached the sleeping monster with featherlight steps, careful as to not to wake him up. Vio realised with a huff of laughter that anyone else in his situation would have probably found the many-limbed, many-mouthed beast asleep on his bedroom floor horrifying, but Vio did not.

He found him fascinating. Very much so. Besides he was fond of Shadow, with his stupid jokes and that stupid grin and okay he's getting off-topic let's thinkofsomethingelse.

Vio didn’t want to pry too much, especially while Shadow was sleeping, but he was simply too curious not to pass up an opportunity to know a little bit more about his unusual friend. After ensuring that Shadow was truly asleep, Vio knelt and gingerly held a hand to the beast’s head, carefully avoiding his eyes. Surprisingly, he found the monster was utterly freezing to the touch. Did he not give off body heat? Maybe he was cold-blooded, like a lizard. Or, a less-interesting option, maybe he was just chilly. The windows had been left open, after all. 

Upon further examination, Vio found that Shadow had smooth, ash-black skin that seemed to spike up in strange, fur-like tendrils along his spine. A particularly long patch crowned his head, resembling a tuft of hair not unlike the stupid, messy bangs he had in his more ‘Hylian’ form.

Vio leaned back on his heels, admiring Shadow as he slept for a long moment. When he was awake, Shadow typically wore this dumb, lopsided grin that crinkled up his features in a way the violet hero couldn’t accurately pinpoint with words at the current moment (nor did he want to, lest he sound like an idiot). It was odd, he thought, to see his friend with such a genuine, blissful expression. It was a rare sight, but an (admittedly) appreciated one.

Vio suddenly wondered if the room was too cold for Shadow, or if the beast was actively radiating a chill in his sleep with how bloody freezing the carpet was.

Or, maybe this wasn’t sleep, Vio’s mind couldn’t help but unhelpfully supply. He didn’t know too much about cold-blooded creatures, but what he did know stipulated that, if Shadow were one, the room was likely far too cold for him to possibly be comfortable in. And, even worse, ectotherms had a tendency to shut down if their body temperature reached low enough levels. Maybe Vio was being paranoid, he probably was. But it couldn’t hurt to be careful.

Vio quietly rose to his feet and hurried over to his bags that he had left by the door earlier, fishing around for their contents. Finding his desired item, he returned and sank down to be level with Shadow on the freezing floor. Carefully, he lifted one of his friend’s large, clawed hands and quickly slid the object beneath his arm so it was snug under his jaw. One of them, at least. He had a few at the moment.

The object Vio had given him was was a fire rod. The sanguine gemstone at its end gleamed with heat, already doing its job to warm Shadow up. Vio suppressed a chuckle as he eventually stirred, lazily manoeuvring the rod under his chest with a sleepy huff. Vio concluded it was cute. factually so, shut up.

[neptune-scythe]

I did a do

[eskawrites]

taking bets now for how long the lethal company au will be. my original thought was like 15-20k, but now it's shaping up to be. um. 40k maybe?

[jfleamont]

All Things Must Pass (snippet)

Snippet #1: x

Summary:

It starts with the death of one person and ends with the birth of another. When James dies unexpectedly, Lily is forced to live with the regret of not having told him that she loves him. She’s loved him for years, even when he thought she hated him, even when they unexpectedly became friends, then best friends, then friends with benefits. But the past doesn’t always stay in the past, so when she goes back to the flat they shared and sees James looking at her with the same eyes she had seen closed in the casket at his funeral just the day before, her world is turned upside down. This is just the beginning of an unexpected series of events. It’s a story about the process of grieving, healing, forgiving and ultimately letting go, but it’s also about second chances, new beginnings and hope.

“No, you're not going anywhere,” Sirius blocked her path. She'd rarely seen him this furious. It scared her.

“Let me go, Sirius.”

“Not until you answer me. How did you know?”

She avoided his eyes, focusing on pulling on a loose thread in her jumper.

“Know what?” 

“Don't play dumb! How did you know about that letter? I never sent it to James. I never sent it to you.”

Lily looked at James. He shook his head, begging her not to say anything.

Logically, she shouldn't.

But she was so tired of lying to everyone, to Sirius more than anyone else.

“He told me.”

A furrow appeared between his brows.

“Who?”

It was now or never. He'd take her for a lunatic, but she didn't care. Anything was better than lying to him and keeping him away.

“James.”

“I told you, James never saw the letter. I wrote it after he died.”

“I know. He saw you write it after the funeral. He saw you burn it.”

Sirius recoiled at that, and his eyes widened in horror.

“Did you put fucking hidden cameras in my home, Lily? What the fuck?”

He looked so betrayed. What if he didn't believe her? What if he'd hate her for breaking his trust?

“You know maybe this was a bad idea,” she said. Whether it was to Sirius or James, she didn't know. 

“No, you have to tell me how you know that. Are you a fucking rat like Peter?”

That was too much.

“I can see him! I see James and I can hear him, too. He's here, and he's been here this whole time and I know for a fact you'll think I'm crazy or, even worse, than I'm lying but he's fucking here and I don't know how to explain it,” she exploded. At some point while she was talking she had started crying, and now she couldn’t stop.

Sirius’ whole demeanour shifted instantly. He put one hand forward, reaching for her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her but she backed away.

“Lily, listen, I miss him too and sometimes I feel like he's still here but—” 

“You don't get it, do you? It's not… This is not grief, or perhaps it is, I don't know! All I know is that since I came back to the flat after the funeral he's been there. He's not… I know he's dead. But I think… I don't know what to call it, but it's him, or what's left of him. His ghost, his soul, whatever you want to call it. I can talk to him and look him in the eyes, Sirius. And he's here. I think he can only appear in places he's been before, like our flat or yours, but not Petunia's house.”

Sirius was looking at her strangely. She knew he wanted to believe her, she could read him very well, but the rational part of him was scared.

Scared of her.

Or for her, perhaps. 

“Lily, sit here for a moment, okay? I'm sure all this stress isn't good for you.” 

Lily fixed him with a glare. “You're the one who started yelling at me,” she protested, but sat on the sofa anyway and James, who had been quiet the whole time sat on its edge next to her. He wanted to say something, she could tell he needed Sirius to listen to him.

“I know, I'm sorry… I just don't understand how—” 

She huffed. “I told you how. And I know you find it hard to believe me right now, but that's the only explanation I have.”

Sirius sat on the armchair in front of her, head in his hands. “I don't know what to think.”

“Have I ever given you reason to think I'm crazy?” 

James snorted, but she resisted the urge to look at him.

“I mean, yeah,” Sirius smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes, “but not in the literal sense. And you seem pretty sane to me right now. You know, aside from this ghost thing.”

“Okay.”

“But I'm not going to lie to you, Lily, this is scaring me. I don't know what to do. Should I call a therapist? Or your dad? I don't know how to help you.”

He looked helpless.

“You could. But I've done both and my therapist says it's normal, while my dad said that this never happened to him after mum died, so…”

“You told your therapist you can still see James?” 

“Well, I might have omitted a thing or two…”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that James told me about the letter. That James comes here on his own to visit you sometimes.”

Sirius was the one to look away now.

“I can't do this right now.”

He got up all of a sudden, heading for the door.

“He misses you.”

Sirius stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at her, his stormy eyes full of unshed tears and an unreadable expression on his face.

“And I'm supposed to believe he told you that,” he said. It didn't sound like a question.

She nodded.

“Wait, didn't you say he was here? Like actually here in this room? Why can't I see him?”

“I don't know, I think that—” 

“Why can you see him? Fuck, even if it's just an hallucination, why do you get to have those and I don't? I'm his brother, for fuck's sake! And you're…” he stopped speaking abruptly.

Lily tilted her head to the side.

“I'm what? Just his friend, right? Who also happens to be carrying his child, but that means nothing, right?”

She knew she sounded childish, but she couldn't help it.

“He doesn't mean that,” spoke James, who had stood up and was now walking towards Sirius.

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?” she got up from the couch and crossed her arms, staring down at Sirius with a murderous expression.

He looked at her for a long moment.

“I don't know,” he shrugged, defeated.

There was no fight left in Sirius, and it was pointless to keep trying to make him understand.

She grabbed her coat and purse and this time, when she reached the front door, Sirius moved out of her way. 

“Well, let me know when you figure it out.”

[solitaireships]

How about 🍬 for whoever you feel like writing for?

~ heart-of-aspiration 📖

Emoji prompts: 🍬 - something sweet

So this one ended up taking longer than I thought it would because I ended up getting carried away. It's about something sweet in multiple meanings of the word- both literally with Bruce doing some baking and emotionally with some cute domestic things

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1380 words

Divider by straywords

“Are you sure this was a good idea?” Alex asks from where she perches on one of the wooden stools in Wayne Manor’s kitchen. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Bruce asks, closing the oven door. 

“Bruce, you are the love of my life and incredibly talented at so many things. But cooking has never been your strong suit,” she points out. 

There’s a reason that Alfred used to do most of the cooking. With him gone, Bruce and Alex have both stepped up to do more, and for once in her life Alex is pretty sure that she’s a better cook than someone. Bruce can handle the simple stuff just fine, but somehow even with a recipe his meals always seem just the slightest bit off. And that’s assuming he doesn’t end up accidentally burning or undercooking anything. 

“It’s not cooking, it’s baking,” Bruce corrects. 

“Right. Two completely different things that you surely won’t have similar problems with,” Alex says. 

Bruce rolls his eyes. “I have this handled, love, this isn’t the first time I’ve made cookies. And when they’re good, you can tell me about how sorry you are for underestimating me.”

“Alright,” Alex relents. 

If nothing else, watching Bruce mix the cookie dough has been fun. Alex always thinks that he’s handsome, but there’s something about how he looks with the sleeves of his button up shirt rolled up to his elbows. There’s a little bit of flour spattered against the black material of his shirt, an accident from him mixing the ingredients together a little too quickly. 

It’s a good look for him. Maybe if these cookies come out well he should start baking more. 

Though Alex still isn’t sure why Bruce decided to bake cookies today. He told her he was going to like it was something normal— like they’re a regular couple who does things like this. 

It’s nice. But it’s also weird.

Alex knows that she’s not forgetting their anniversary or any other relationship milestones. It’s not anyone’s birthday. But there has to be a reason why Bruce is doing this. It's so peacefully mundane that it feels like there has to be some kind of meaning behind it.

The oven’s alarm rings before Alex can figure out why Bruce was in the mood to bake. He’s quick to retrieve them from the oven, and the smell of freshly baked cookies washes over them.

“Mmm. They smell good,” Alex comments, getting up from her seat. 

“They should taste even better,” Bruce replies. “Once they cool down, you get first choice from them.”

Alex comes up behind Bruce, wrapping her arms around his middle. She kisses the side of his neck. “Thank you, bat.”

“You’re welcome.” Bruce leans back a little against her. “Are we going to stay like this until the cookies cool?”

“I think so. Unless you have any objections?”

“Hrn.” 

Alex doesn’t need to see to know that Bruce is rolling his eyes. He pretends to be annoyed when she makes jokes around her being a defense attorney— though this one wasn’t intentional. 

The cookies do look good from here at least. They're chocolate chip ones, and the chunks of semi-sweet chocolate dotted through them look like they’d melt in her mouth. Alex is tempted to reach past Bruce and grab one, but she knows to wait. She’s sure they’ll still warm in a couple of minutes, and there's no point in touching something too hot to handle right now.

What’s warm right now is Bruce in her arms. He always seems relaxed when Alex holds him like this. It’s nice to think that he finds her presence comforting, especially because she feels the same way about him. 

“I think they’re ready,” Bruce says after a moment, turning his head so that his nose brushes against her temple. “Take your pick.”

Alex unlatches from behind him and grabs a cookie from the right side of the baking sheet. It’s warm to the touch, and she’s admittedly excited to try it. As much as she still doubts Bruce’s cooking skills, he seems convinced this will be good and she's inclined to trust him. 

Alex takes a bite of the cookie, and Bruce’s attention is sharp on her. 

She was right to trust him. This is a good cookie. The edges are a little crispy, but the middle is soft and the chocolate chips dotted through it melt in her mouth. It’s sweet but not overpoweringly so. 

Bruce picks up a cookie of his own. “Do you like it?”

“It’s really good,” Alex says.

“I think you owe me a apology for doubting my baking skills earlier,” he teases.

“I was doubting your cooking skills. Like you said, those are two different things.”

Bruce takes a bite from his cookie, a wry expression on his face. He’s both cute and annoying when he knows he caught someone in something. “Ah, so you agree now?”

“You’re very lucky you’re pretty because you can be a pain to deal with sometimes,” Alex states.

“I know,” he replies. “But I think you’d like me no matter what.”

Alex would. It’s hard to imagine ever not adoring Bruce. And as she finishes her cookie and reaches over for another, she thinks that she’s lucky he loves her too. 

“You know,” Bruce says after a moment, “I used to make these cookies with my mother.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he repeats. He nudges Alex’s arm with his elbow. “Which is why I was saying that I could handle baking these. Though I’ll admit that I’m out of practice.”

“Well, you did a very good job,” Alex compliments. "And I'm sorry about before."

“Thank you. But you don't need to apologize. You had reason to be cautious.”

They stand in silence for a couple seconds, Bruce reaching for another cookie. 

“Is there any reason you decided to make them again now? Since it sounds like you haven’t made them in a while,” Alex says.

“Not really.” Bruce takes a bite, catching a couple of falling crumbs in his other hand. “I thought you’d enjoy them.”

“I do.”

Alex is pretty sure there’s more to it than that. But she doesn’t push. She knows Bruce well. Neither of them like talking about their feelings. It always feels awkward and too vulnerable. It’s easier to talk now— especially with the two of them having been married for years. But putting feelings into words is hard, and she isn’t going to force him to keep talking. That would only make him close off more. 

So Alex waits. If he wants to say anything else he will. 

Bruce doesn’t say anything else until he’s finished the cookie, going over to the sink to rinse any spare crumbs off of his hands. “Making these was something that we did as a family, even if my father didn’t usually help us make them. So I wanted to share this with you.”

For a moment, Alex isn’t sure how to respond. She’s never been good at emotional displays. That’s part of why she and Bruce work so well. They’re both awkward and have trouble with putting their feelings into words, but they can understand when the other is trying to show them they care in their own way. 

But this is something special. She already knew that it was when Bruce said he made these with his mother, but this is even more than that.

They’ve been married for years now. Alex knows that Bruce loves her and that they’re a family. This, though, feels normal. Like something a family that wasn’t a pair of workaholic vigilantes would do. It’s soft, and it’s sweeter than the cookies themselves are. 

“Thank you so much. I love you,” is all that Alex can think to say. She’s not sure that it’s enough to show just how important this is to her, but this should do the job well enough.

“I love you too,” Bruce says. 

“Maybe next time we can make them together,” Alex suggests. 

He gives a dry laugh in response. “You hate cooking with people.”

“It’s baking, remember?” She moves to give Bruce a quick kiss. The taste of chocolate lingers on his lips. “And if it’s a family tradition, I’m willing to give things a shot if you are.”

[merlyn-bane]

when your fun little haha fic officially passes the fault in our stars in word count with (currently) two more chapters left