#i think we need to stop putting so much emphasis on being a Good Person

[lith-myathar]

Being obsessed with moral purity (and the appearance thereof) is far more likely to turn you into an abuser than a kind and compassionate person who cares for their community and there are so many cautionary tales about this in media and yet *gestures at all of social media*

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study

Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.

Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.

Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.

Those are his emotional support slurs.

Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.

Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.

He's Sad.

The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.

Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.

Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:

Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.

The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.

At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.

Compare Feferi: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.

To Eridan: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.

So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.

Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!

Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.

But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.

Which brings us to our next point:

Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.

If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.

If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.

Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.

Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.

(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.

He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.

He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.

NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.

Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.

SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.

We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.

KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties

Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."

And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!

CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble

You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).

Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:

CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!

One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.

And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.

CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:

Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated

Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay

In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.

Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:

CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry

CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway

It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:

ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!

THEY don't even think he's being casteist.

In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:

CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ

He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:

CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies

So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.

That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.

The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.

Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.

The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!

And it's all made worse because:

Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)

Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about

What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.

This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.

This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.

So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.

And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:

ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.

It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.

I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.

So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?

Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -

Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It

So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.

What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.

At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.

The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:

CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though

("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")

The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES? (AND HE ALSO TELLS ERIDAN THAT THE REJECTION WASN'T HIS FAULT???? WHAT??????)

So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?

See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":

FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.

You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:

KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.

That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?

That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:

TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole

He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:

TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on

Before finally giving up when Gamzee insists he's "too scared of Jack" to help, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,

Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.

Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).

Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.

Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.

And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:

CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it

Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:

PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it

Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.

But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).

So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)

But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:

CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.

In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:

But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:

PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.

It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:

CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

To:

CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.

Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:

A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.

It also goes on to note:

But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

But what's really interesting is the next page.

And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.

Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.

(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)

In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...

The crab has always been there for him.

It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:

TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)

When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.

There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.

First, they both do the bonk:

Second:

CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.

Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.

And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:

Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.

So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:

ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)

So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...

Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)

So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.

I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."

Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.

So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.

It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.

It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.

I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.

The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.

Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.

Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.

Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.

Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.

Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.

There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.

Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:

The Prophecy

ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.

ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)

But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.

Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.

Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.

That last one is actually relevant to:

The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates

Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.

Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.

Their friendship is something that "should not be." The highblood and the mutant. The royal-v and the off-spectrum. The empress's sea dweller and the second coming of the signless. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's very existence.

But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Aside from Feferi, Eridan is the only highblood who never comments about Karkat's mutant blood, and they were best buddies even before Eridan knew.

Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.

In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.

But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.

Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.

Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.

Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.

Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.

Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.

Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.

Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.

Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.

Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).

And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.

I've seen a lot of people who believe that such-and-such character did SUCH awful things that they don't deserve a happy ending. Oftentimes, it's Eridan, but nearly all of the dead trolls have gotten this treatment. So, let me just ask all of you who have gotten this far and still hold that opinion one thing. Do you think that's what Troll Jesus would have wanted?

This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, one where he outright rejects the caste system. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.

This choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!

Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.

Thank you for reading.

[butchbarneygumble]

Imagine how I must feel as one of the only fans of Mighty Magiswords. You know. A headcanons-and-fanfic kind of fan. I even cosplayed Prohyas once.

Of course, it's nothing compared to what the actual victims went through... I'm fine. But it still felt like a part of my identity has been permanently soured. I don't want to seem like I somehow have it worse, that's not my intention. Nothing bad happened to me personally. I'm only posting my own side of how I deal with the situation, to get some closure myself and show solidarity with the victims.

I don't admire him anymore, and that's putting it lightly.

Full story under cut. Content warning for non-graphic discussion of csa.

The news came to me from my ex-but-still-friend. He told me privately, out of nowhere, just dropped it on me. Like, "Hey, sorry to tell you, but the guy you like got arrested for csa". However, I am glad he told me rather than me having to find out on my own.

The news hit me, and I felt nothing in my body. I usually would get this painful fight-or-flight all through my body whenever I read something that upset me, something I've been training myself to get better with. But right now? I just felt like... "huh. That happened." It helped a lot that Magiswords wasn't my fixation of the moment. And like... it's been like I've been slipping away from it. Like I didn't need it anymore.

More and more people were talking about him, and it wasn't positive. Who? Kyle.

I talked to him. Personally, like many people did. He never acted weird to me. I admired him. I loved his art, sent him physical fanart, all that stuff. I knew more than one person said he was not trustworthy but hey, he made a show that saved my life, so it was a constant struggle between feeling like I had to pick sides. I was going through hell by virtue of my dad being terminally sick and needing constant care, so I was gonna ignore the red flags and enjoy my silly sword show that brought me such joy.

Even if as time went on it started get harder and harder.

But you know what a certain depressed horse show said? When you're wearing rose coloured glasses, red flags just look like flags.

I now think dodged a bullet.

What emotions do I feel? Betrayal. Anger. Disgust. Disappointment.

The irony about it all. The sheer painful irony of blacklisting somebody for *drawings*, and then going behind everybody's back to actually hoard *actual* csa, and revenge porn, and all sorts of nasty stuff. For the record: there is nothing wrong with being put off or disgusted by specific sorts of drawings. But the irony here is what's most painful to me. I do not like people using this as a "gotcha" for either side of this tired argument. It's disrespectful to the actual victims.

People say I can easily seperate art from the artist if I want to but... right now I don't think I want to. He's in every pore of its identity. I do not want to talk or think about Magiswords right now, and I don't know if I ever will again.

It meant so much to me. Prohyas felt like Me. Being a goofy capable adult who doesn't stop collecting things he likes just cuz he's an adult. I thought I was trans for a while and the euphoria of relating to Prohyas helped that. Then he got lowkey confirmed nonbinary and I was over the moon.

It was good. Emphasis on "was".

And to the man himself I have one thing to say: you're another one in a long history of cartoon artists who end up being unsavoury, slimy people, taking advantage of young people, especially girls, in the animation industry. Not something to be proud of. I know we talked and you seemed perfectly okay to me, personally. All I can think is thank god it never went beyond casual chats.

I guess I can finally say I never liked the joke about Vambre not liking pants. Sure, sensory issues exist, but I doubt that was the intention of the design. I have deleted my sideblog where I chronicled ooc screencaps of the show and deleted my little spotify playlist of songs that reminded me of the show. I don't want to finish my longfic where Prohyas and Flonk fell in love anymore. I can't even change it into ocs because it's just so ingrained in the show's lore. So yeah, there's that.

I'll be fine. When the news hit I took it surprisingly well. I was going to an Alestorm concert and it was the most fun I had in ages. So yeah, I've got Christopher Bowes and His Plate of Beans to fill the void of comedy music. Was fixating on Simpsons already so there's that in terms of cartoons. I'm fine.

All I can say is my heart goes out to all the victims, and I'm deeply sorry I didn't see you sooner. I hope you can heal and have some semblance of closure now that he's gotten arrested. My heart goes out to all of you and again, I am so so sorry. I wish you all the love and healing.

[svsss-fanon-exposed]

I really appreciate your continued emphasis on people being free to enjoy canon and fanon as they want while providing accurate canon information! All the asks and PSAs you've shared on that recently reminded me of a fic where sj actually WAS innocent, even wrt abuse. They had to make an a/n how it was their spin deviant from canon so it'd be great if they could stop getting nasty messages pls. I just think we should all foster a nicer fandom environment, so I love what you're doing~!

Yeah, I personally might be a book-canon purist, but I can certainly recognize that not everyone feels the same way-- and at the end of the day, it is fiction, what people want to do with canon and fanon is up to them and really has little to do with them as a person. I hold authorial intent in really high regard, but no need to bully those who don't, and who want to rearrange things.

Of course, for something like you mention, I would advise using some kind of tag to indicate that it's off-script. Especially since SJ's abuse of LBH is an integral part of the story the novel is telling, changing things like that changes the entire tone of things.

If a fic where the characters are intentionally OOC gets popular, then people will inevitably start going to that fic's portrayal and mixing that up with canon details (this is, probably, why there is so much apologism and denial of SJ's canonical abuse of LBH in this fandom, though it certainly wouldn't be the specific fic you're referencing alone and is probably a combination of many different factors). I personally don't like portrayals like this, but if a writer is changing it for their story, then who am I to judge or harrass them over it? The only issue comes when it spills over into the wider fandom perception, and you have people swearing left and right that SJ had nothing to do with the fake manual (he did) or didn't actually mean to abuse LBH or want him dead (he also did, and this can't just be contriubted to unreliable narrator since it comes from his own perspective in the extras). So I think an a/n at the beginning is a good idea in situations like these. If writers don't want to spoil things, just simply tag that the character is OOC compared to canon-- no need to go into specifics, and readers will know going in that the portrayal isn't meant to be a take on canon or aligning with it.

No one knows how popular their fic will become, after all, and if it gets into the wider fandom space without proper context, things like "Shen Jiu was just treating LBH normally for the time period, he wasn't abusive, LBH was just a self-obsessed person trying to demonize him" become mainstream, widely held beliefs.

Of course, this is what my blog is for, hopefully rerouting some of those ideas, pointing back to the sources where the divergence happened, so that people can see that while they may enjoy this canon-divergent depiction, that they shouldn't bring it into canon-based analysis. I think sourcing fanon is very important for this reason-- better than just saying "you're wrong" is being able to say "this is where the idea came from."

At the end of the day, a deliberately off-script, ooc portrayal should be tagged as such and AO3 provides those tags for a reason. There's nothing inherently wrong with writing characters OOC to change a story. People can write what they want! It's the writer's job to make relevant information known, and the reader's job to filter it out and just not read things they don't like. I'm so particular that I put down probably 80 percent of fics I read before I even get through the first few chapters. That's just me though! I'm a canon snob! Other people have no issues and that's fine.

As long as things aren't skewing into abuse apologism in regards to the canon-universe, there's literally no reason I can't just ignore things I don't like, and there's no reason other people can't do the same with things they don't like.

Anyway, don't harrass artists and writers in the fandom. If you feel it absolutely necessary to leave a comment in regards to an OOC character portrayal, don't be mean about it, just say something like "<Character Name> seems to be a bit OOC here, is this intentional?" but even then, it's really not necessary to come into someone else's space like that. Make your own posts, write your own fics.

There is no reason to assume malice when there are other explanations. This is hard with topics like abuse apologism, but people also need to remember that this is fiction. SJ was abusive in canon, but he's still not a real person, and if someone wants to write a version of him where he's not abusive, then that portrayal can easily be treated as a version from an alternate universe where things were different. This is not the same as saying a person in real life isn't abusive, because in this case, it's not apologism-- it's literally a different universe where the rules of the original canon don't apply. In fictional and fandom spaces, it's a lot easier and better off to just give people the benefit of the doubt.

As long as you're not claiming that his canon behavior wasn't abusive (since that's about behaviors now, and not just a fictional story), it literally doesn't matter what people write in fanfic.

Authors, tag your fics with everything you'd like your readers to be aware of, because when a reader opens up a fic they're probably expecting the characters to follow canon unless stated otherwise.

Readers, read the portrayals and stories you like. Don't read the ones you don't. If something isn't tagged correctly, and you find out you don't like it after reading, just close the fic and stop reading.

No one should ever be harassing anyone else over fandom for any reason.

[cumsuga]

Wasted Times Pt 4

yoongi x fem!reader jungkook x fem!reader

genre. SMUT, fluff, angst, Romance, established relationship!AU 18+ (Minors DNI)

Who knew trying to stay sober would be so hard? The guilt. Everyone talks about how much guilt you experience when you cheat, and it’s always the guilt for cheating and regretting it. But what no one ever talks about is the guilt that comes from cheating and enjoying it. 

warnings: mentions of alcoholism, violence (someone gets smacked *cough* Yoongi *cough*), Handjob, infidelity, plot twists on plot twists, Yoongi is not a good person ILTHHBIHTLH, Jungkook is the bestest boy as always, SUB!YOONGI but only for reader no one else

word count: 4k

A/N: I honestly feel like you can tell this was kinda rushed, but I felt bad for leaving you all hanging for an entire year. Please forgive me, I'll give you kisses! Anyway, GIVE ME FEEDBACK, but be nice cause I'm sensitive...

 You spend the whole day trying to justify what you just did and with your boss. You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it. In fact, it made you feel how you felt when you drank. All warm and fuzzy inside. It was nice to have the feeling back, but you didn't know if it was what was best for you. You felt like Yoongi would be another thing you couldn't let go of. You knew you were fucked, and you hated it.

You watch Yoongi act like nothing happened, like he didn’t just fuck you in the back of a black car. He works like you’re more annoying to him now, being a bit more demanding. When you finally have a chance, you tell him you need to talk to him. He tells you in a minute and to wait for him in the green room before shooing you away. You don't think you've ever wanted to punch someone in the face so bad, but that was until you met him.

So, like he asks, that’s just what you do. After an eternity of pacing back and forth,  trying to rationalize cheating to yourself, he enters the room. “You needed to talk. I’m listening,” he says, grabbing you by the hand and leading you to the couch. He doesn’t let you sit, choosing to have you stand between his legs. “Talk to me, angel.”

“First of all, whatever you’re trying to do here, stop it.” you swat his hands off your thighs and take a couple steps back, “Second, what happened in the car can never and will never happen again. It was a mistake. After this discussion, we will never talk about it again.  Am I making myself clear?”

He smirks at you. “Oh angel, you dim little thing,” he stands and walks over to you, “I can stop whenever I want, but as they say, ‘everything beautiful is ruined eventually.’” he tucks a loose strand behind your ear. “And that, my dear, is you.”

And with that, he walks out of the room. You’re left there confused because what the fuck does that mean? Did he just call you ugly and stupid? Did he say he’s going to ruin your life? The conversation left you with more questions than answers. So, like the hardheaded person you were, you follow after him. At this point, you didn’t care about your job; you cared about this getting back to Jungkook and destroying him. When you catch up to Yoongi, you whisper to him, “Unless you want me to make a scene and embarrass you, I suggest you get back in that FUCKING room.” Putting extra emphasis on the word fucking so that he knew you were serious. All eyes were on you two because, despite whispering, it sounded angry, so he obliges you and walks back. If it was one thing he hated, it was people staring at him like he was an object on display.

“1. You will leave this room when and if we come to a mutual understanding. 2. If we do not come to a mutual understanding, I will catch the next flight out of here, and you will never see me again. And you can explain to our company why I ruined such a huge event, and so help me god, if he ever finds out about this–” he cuts you off laughing

“PFFT! You’re cute when you’re angry.” he finally catches your eyes and sees that you’re not fucking around. You’re dead serious, and in his 30 years of life, he’s never been afraid of a woman like he is of you.

“Sit. Down,” you say through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring. And like he’s going to win an award for being so obedient he sits his ass right on that couch. “I’m not fucking playing with you, Yoongi. This isn’t a joke; this is my life. You can go on after this carefree because that's who you are. Rockstar Min Yoongi can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. But me, me, I have real consequences, I. Will. Lose. Every. Thing! I need you to get that through your thick fucking skull! THIS ISNT A FUCKING GAME!”

Tears are streaming down your face, but he looks annoyed now. That same stupid fucking face on his face. But you don’t know that Yoongi is in defense mode and will bite like most cornered animals. “Don’t ever talk to me like that. News flash, baby girl, I didn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, so don’t try and get up on some fucking moral high ground because you have some boyfriend who, by the way, you treat like shit. You wanted to fuck me. I simply gave you what you’ve been dying for. You know, once an addict, always an addict, not my fault you traded in drinking yourself into a coma for dick.” And before you can even process what your body is doing, you slapped him. It wasn’t some bullshit “for tv” slap. No, it was loud. It had his ears ringing and your palm stinging.

“Don’t you EVER try and act like you fucking know me and throw something you know nothing about in my fucking face. You know what? FUCK you, I’m leaving. Good luck with your miserable life.” And with that, you collect your things and flee back to the hotel. Yoongi is left standing there in shock and awe.

When you finally return to the hotel, a million people set up a million things in the room. You put on a brave face while you bob and weave through what seems like an ocean of people. When you finally enter the private bedroom and hear the door close behind you, you let it all loose. Sobbing into the pillows. How dare he, you think, throw something so serious in your face. But fuck it, at this point, if everyone thinks you’re an alcoholic, let’s show them one. You open the mini bar and fish one of the bottles, and before you can crack the seal on the mini vodka, your phone rings. So you answer it, “Yoongi, I don't wanna-”

“Yoongi? Uh, no, it’s your boyfriend? Baby, are you crying?” as soon as you hear Jungkook's voice, you cry even harder. “Y/N? Baby, hey, hey, calm down. Talk to me, is everything okay? Did something happen?”

LIE! You tell yourself. Lie right now and save your relationship. “Yes, I’m sorry. I was just watching a sad movie, and it made me miss you, and then you called. It was like fate or something.” You sniffle into the phone. 

“Oh, my baby. You’re so cute, I miss you too! Just 5 more days, and you get to come home to me.” He coos, and you instantly feel more at peace. Not taking that drink was worth it, and god, did you want that drink.

“Actually, I was thinking about coming home early, like tomorrow, maybe?” You say, still sniffling

He lets out a soft chuckle, “Baby, as much as I want you here, I think your boss would be pretty pissed if you just up and left. Stick it out like the fighter I know you are. You got this. I believe in you. By the time you come home, it’ll be a week before our anniversary, and I’ll take you wherever you wanna go. I already talked to Jimin and Yoongi, and we're taking 2 weeks. Just me and you. Sound good?”

“Yes, that sounds wonderful.” You sigh

“Good, now tell me, how’s Paris?”

You guys talked for an hour before saying I love you and goodbyes. When you get off the phone, there is a light knock on the door. “Ms. Y/N, we're ready for you at hair and make-up.” You tell them to give you a moment, and they say okay and leave. So, in that moment, you take all the little bottles of alcohol and pour them down the drain. You’re not going to leave Paris defeated. Especially not after everything you’ve been through. So you get glammed up and put your dress on. By the time you’re done, Yoongi is returning to the hotel.

While getting your hair and makeup done, you decide that you’re going to play Yoongi’s games, but they’re gonna be your rules. When he’s done getting ready, you pull him to the side and apologize for hitting him. “I understand if you want to part ways after this. I will exit quietly–”

He shushes you, “Oh Angel, though it pains me to say it because I never thought I would, I think I’m in love with you. So, with that being said, I forgive. I forgave you the minute it happened because I know you didn’t mean it.” He cups your cheek, and you lean into his palm.  “You’re gonna stay here with me until I give you back to Jungkook. Deal?”

“Deal,” you say, nodding. He pecks you gently, and for a split second, you lose your resolve, but it’s quickly regained when he pulls away. “ I have something for you, Angel.” He says, handing you a small Valentino box. “You can tell Jungkook you got them as a gift from the designer.”

You open the box and see the nicest pair of earrings you've ever seen. They’re fully wrapped in baguette crystals. “Yoongi, I’m sorry, I can’t accept these. These look way too expensive.” You’re both in awe and annoyed. Why does he think he can buy your love? Could he buy your love? No! The only person that has your love is Jungkook, ONLY him. You only love him… right?

“Are you sure? I know they’d look beautiful on you.” he takes them out of the box and puts them on for you. “I know you’re wearing Versace, but people mix brands all the time, and I’m right. Absolutely stunning.” He pecks your nose and walks away to pour some champagne. 

You watch him, realizing he never even apologized for not only calling you an alcoholic but a slut too, and a fire starts inside you. You’re determined to ruin Yoongi, make him miss the mere sight of you. “You know I can’t drink that, right? I traded alcohol in for dick, remember?” you say, giggling, but your throat is dry like you’re dying for that champagne. You push the thoughts away quickly. Flooding them with the happy life you want to have with Jungkook, you want to be his wife, the mother of his children.

“Oh shit, yeah. Fuck, I’ll pour it out. I’m sorry.” he moves around the room, collecting any type of alcohol and taking it to the bathroom.

“You understand that if you want to be with me, you have to stop drinking as well, right? Like it’s non-negotiable. I’m serious about my recovery.” You say, fixing the lipstick, he messed up. You thought, ‘God, I can’t wait to go home.’ You find it sad because you like Yoongi. You don’t know why, but you do. Maybe it’s because he is the complete opposite of Jungkook. He was crass, rude, and annoying as fuck, but it drove you crazy. He made you feel tingles all over your body, and you fucking hated it but loved it just as much. 

“I know, baby, I just got excited. I’m happy that you wanna stay with me. Maybe you could—” he’s cut off by a girl bursting into the room. 

“Baby!! I missed you so much!” she runs to him and kisses him. Yoongi goes sheet white like he’s seen a ghost, and you can’t believe your eyes. You’re astonished, laughing softly to yourself because, boy oh boy, he’s fucked.

“Princess, I thought you said you weren’t coming..” he looks over at you and then back at the mystery girl. She finally realizes you’re in the room and looks-* over at you like you’re the most disgusting thing she’s ever seen. 

“Baby, who is this?” she looks up at Yoongi, then back at you.

“I’m Y/N. It's nice to meet you. I’m Yoongi’s assistant.” You smile the most sickeningly sweet smile. If it’s one thing you know, many women were intimidated by you. I mean, why wouldn’t they be? You were beautiful, curvy, and friendly. As they say, bitches be hating.

“Well, I’m Hayoon, Yoongi’s girlfriend. You can go away now; he and I have some catching up to do.” She smiles back at you. 

“Oh.” you pout. “Well, that's too bad. We actually have to leave right now. Valentino is starting soon. I could call and see if you could come? Though it looks like you’re not dressed for the occasion. Let’s go, Mr. Min; we have to be there by 5 for the preshow party.” You turn and leave the room. She starts complaining as soon as you leave the room, going on and on about how he needs to fire you for being so rude, and he argues back that she was being just as harsh and that she needs to stop acting like a brat or go home. She relents and he walks out of the room and collects some personal items. 

“Baby, go to the house. I’ll meet you there later,” he says to her, and she pouts before leaving. 

You two get into the car, and it’s awkwardly quiet. “So, I guess I’m not the only slut, huh.”

“Shut the fuck up. She’s not my girlfriend. We occasionally have sex whenever I’m in Paris.” he’s rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Does she know that?” you snort, and his phone begins to ring, “Oh, it looks like ‘Baby Girl heart emoji’  is calling; you wanna take that?” he sends the call to voicemail, sighing. “Just admit it; I won't tell her that you fucked me in this exact car yesterday, don’t worry. Admit it, and I’ll fuck you again.” you lean into his ear and lick at his earlobe, which earns you a low groan.

“Fine, fuck, fine, she’s my girlfriend.” he’s losing his patience with you.

“Mmm, such a good boy. Where’d you meet her, huh? How long have you been together? Huh, baby?” you palm him through his slack rubbing gently.

He’s beginning to fall apart.  Although Yoongi’s never admitted it to anyone, just as much as he loves to be in control during sex, he loves it just a little more when the woman takes control. And right now, he especially loves that it’s you. “Fuck… I met her when I first moved from Daegu to Seoul. We’ve been friends since, but we’ve been together for 5 years… but I want you now..”

“Why does no one know about her, and why didn’t you tell me about her? You fucked me raw.” you’re unbuttoning his pants, slipping your hand into his waistband, and starting to jerk him in his pants.

“Someone does. Namjoon knows. He actually introduced us. I keep her out of the spotlight because she’s a non-celebrity. She would get too overwhelmed with everything, not media trained, ya know… Fuck… I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve never fucked anyone without a condom. Not even her, you’re the first person ever.” you hum into his ear, you can’t believe how easily he’s willing to give up this information. And he had the nerve to slut shame you. Madness.

“Wow, baby, you’re such a good boy. You won’t lie to me anymore, right? Is there anything else you want to tell me?” you feel him twitch in your hand. You know he's gonna cum soon, and that's precisely what you want.

“I have one more thing, but I can’t tell you right now… fuck.” he’s whiny, needy, and it's so cute on him. 

“Hmm, I guess that’ll do for now. You can cum.” and he does, and there is so much you’re salivating. You want to do nothing more than to clean him up with your mouth but fuck him. He can clean himself up. So you wipe your hand on his shirt.

“Clean yourself up, we’re almost there.” You throw him a napkin before reaching into your bag and handing him a new shirt. You fix the little bit of makeup that was ruined, and he moves to kiss you. “Nuh-uh, don’t fuck up my make-up.” You push him away while the car pulls up to the carpet. Luckily, he’s cleaned and ready to go. 

The night is hard to get through, to say the least. While you love fashion, being around people who are drunk or high or both isn’t really the best for someone in recovery. But you hold your resolve. You’re strong and will stay strong not only for you but for the man you get to go home to very soon.

Thankfully, the week goes by quickly. Of course, Yoongi tried to fuck you every chance he got, but you always found you’re way out of it. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to have sex with him; you just wanted it to be on your time, not his. Anyways, you’re finally back home. You decide on the plane ride home that you’re going to tell Jungkook what happened, you think that if you tell him now it’ll save a lot of hurt and pain for the both of you.

At this point, you’re waiting for him to pick you up from the airport. After about 10 minutes, you spot his black AMG. Relieved that you get to be in his presence again. He pulls up next to you, getting out of the car to help you. “Hi princess, I missed you. You look beautiful as always.” He kisses the top of your head before opening your door and helping you into the car.

“How was Paris, my love?” he asks, but you don’t reply right away. You’re trying to think of the right way to do this. To rip the bandaid off and tell the man you love you cheated.

“It was nice… Hey, Jungkook…. I need to tell you something.” you fidget with your fingers, ears burning.

“What's up? I’m all ears.” he chimes. He sounds so happy, and you feel so guilty for what you’re about to say.

“Jungkookicheatedonyou.” it comes out as one jumbled word, too afraid to even make it a sentence.

But he just chuckles a little, “I know.” he says, still in the same tone of voice. You’re startled. What does he mean he knows? 

“You know?!” your thoughts are racing; you can’t believe what you just heard.

“Yes, princess, I know, calm down. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how I know. Do you remember when I called you the first day you were there? You thought you hung up, but you didn’t.”

“You're not mad?” your heart feels like it's going to jump out of your chest.

“Oh, baby doll, I was pissed. Naturally. Hearing the love of my life getting railed by some douche that calls himself a rapper. But I told you when you told me no the first time, I’m going to marry you no matter what. So I’m going to give you a year to get it out of your system, and after that year, you’re all mine. Does that seem fair? I do have a couple of rules we can discuss when we get home.” he laces his hand with yours and kisses it.

All you could say was okay, he was right it was finite that you were going to marry each other. It was too much work to start all over with someone else. You two rarely ever fought before your condition, so you were comfortable with him. You knew you never wanted a relationship with Yoongi. He didn’t know that, though. I’m sure he probably thinks you’re going to leave Jungkook for him, and he’d be absolutely wrong. You thought when you first met Yoongi you’d leave JK for him, but now, no. Yoongi is a terribly selfish person, and you’d rather be treated with some type of respect.

After what seems like forever, you two finally get home. “Go inside, I’ll grab your bags. We’ll talk once I get inside.”

He follows after you shortly and gets you all settled. “Sit on the couch, we’re going to have a serious talk, princess.”

So you do, and you keep quiet. Your thoughts are racing; you’re terrified that he’s lying to you. You feel like this is entrapment. You feel like Jungkook is going to use this against you, but in that same vein you know Jungkook is too soft to really be mad at you.

“So, princess, I know you enjoyed your time in Paris, but I have some ground rules.” As soon as he went to sit, someone knocked on the door. Jungkook goes to answer it and when he comes back to the living room Yoongi is in tow. You go white, terrified of what Jungkook is going to do to Yoongi. “He arrived just on time! Please, sit.” 

“Jungkook what’re you doing?” You question, you’re trembling at this point.

“I want you to know that he knows that I know. That was a lot of knows, but yeah.” you’re dumbfounded, and just look at Yoongi because what the actual fuck is going on here. You feel like you’re going to pass out. This is a dream, a really fucked up dream. You’ll wake up soon, and everything will be alright, you think to yourself. Yoongi shifts in his seat, cheeks red and looking extremely uncomfortable.

“What do– There’s no fucking way. I’m dreaming. This is a joke–” You stand up and start pacing the room.

“It’s true…” Yoongi squeaks out, “He called me that day. Gave me an ultimatum… He told me I had a year to be with you, and then after that, I had to leave you alone, or he’d tell HYBE about us. I agreed..”

You’d never felt so confused and betrayed. I mean, sure, you cheated, but these two dickheads had conspired against you, “And what if I don’t want to do the whole year? What if I just wanted it to be a one-time thing? I feel like you’re pimping me out to my boss, this is weird..”

Jungkook just gives you a look, something you’d describe as hurt but understanding, “Okay then, tell Yoongi he needs to leave you alone. That you quit and that you want nothing to do with him.”

You look over at Yoongi, then back to Jungkook, and he implores you for an answer: “So are you gonna say it?”

“Well… what if I don’t want to leave him alone? What then?” Jungkook looks taken aback.

“If that’s what you really want, I will accept your decision, but I know that’s not what you want. You love me too much to leave me.” At this point, you’re sure Jungkook has lost his mind, finally fed up with your bullshit, but he’s right. You’re acting out because you’re bored with your life, like those housewives you see on TV. “Honey, I’m giving you a hall pass. Please accept it. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I feel I’m being more than generous considering.”

“Fine... What are your conditions?”

“1. You can see him 2 days out of the week. 2. You must use condoms and other contraceptives. I don’t like the thought of him cumming in you, and the thought of you pregnant by him makes my skin crawl. 3. If you’re with him and I call, answer unless you are… having sex…” He smiles at you, “I think that's fair, no? Also, I think Yoongi has something he needs to tell you.”

You look at Yoongi, and he looks like he’s going to throw up right then and there. “Okay? What is it?”

He’s quiet for a really long time, pulling at the skin on his cuticles. “Hello? You there? What do you need to tell me?”

He finally musters the courage to say, “I have a 4-year-old…”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

© @cumsuga 2016-2024. All rights reserved. — Unauthorized use or duplication of these works, including reposting, translating, and modification in any form, is strictly prohibited. DO NOT USE MY CONTENT FOR ANY AI PURPOSES WHAT SO EVER

credit to @cafekitsune for the dividers

[weirdmarioenemies]

I am still ranking the Super Mario Galaxies and none of you can stop me

Hello! Thanks for your patience. It's time to get back to ranking all of the Super Mario Galaxies. There is nothing to be afraid of. If you are afraid, we will look together.

I'm still ranking the A-tier galaxies this week, since there are a lot of them and I couldn't fit them all in the previous post. If you want to read the series from the start, look here, and also here's a link to the post with all the B-tiers, for completion's sake.

We have fifteen more galaxies to rank today, so prepare for liftoff! All rankings are under the cut!

35. Slipsand Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

We're starting off today with the other desert galaxy! The better desert galaxy. Yeah, you heard me! Dusty Dune Galaxy fans are in shambles, except I'm not sure if that's a Hot Take at all because I don't know what the general fan consensus on all the Super Mario Galaxies is anyhow.

If you may recall from my previous rankings, my general take on Dusty Dune Galaxy boiled down to "I like it, it has pretty consistently solid missions, but the theming is a bit generic for my liking." But as I stated, it's not that "desert" is a bad theme, just that I felt that Dusty Dune didn't do anything particularly interesting with that theme. While Slipsand Galaxy does still have a little bit of that desert mismatch I chided in my Dusty Dune review, I think the much stronger emphasis on a "desert ruins" theme ends up making it feel a lot stronger.

Heck, this might be one of the few times where a galaxy from the sequel wins points for atmosphere over the first game! I really, really love the skybox in this one, with threateningly huge towers looming over the horizon everywhere you look, with bits of space peeking out from in-between. Again, theming isn't everything, but it can contribute a lot more to a galaxy's experience than you might expect.

But to be fair, the missions in this galaxy are pretty great too! Stuff like the room where the gravity changes so you're always walking on the walls, the return of the Sand Bird (albeit a more compact version), the somewhat tricky sand slide with all the Rhomps, and the Squizzard boss fight all come together to make a galaxy that is as fun as it is stylish. A great galaxy all around!

34. Hightail Falls Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

This galaxy serves as the introduction of the Dash Pepper, and I think it's a pretty great time! The dash pepper gives you extreme speed in exchange for being really difficult to control, and I think this galaxy does a really good job showing that off. I think that once again, I love the optional challenges they put here, with more rewarding routes generally having more obstacles. Sure, you can just take the straight path, but then how are you supposed to gather all the coins you need for the Hungry Luma star?

The galaxy's obstacles also escalate really well, with the walls Yoshi has to climb gradually gaining more turns with more walls to bump into and knock you off clean. Generally there's enough ground to fall back on that it's not too unforgiving, but since you have to clear them to grab the star, the galaxy's making sure you know how to control this vehicle (dinosaur) that is speeding out of control!

As a side-note, I really love the Penguru easter egg on this galaxy. There's not really any rewards (besides a chat with our good friend Penguru) but it's a fun little bonus for anyone who knows where to look!

33. Bowser Jr.'s Fearsome Fleet

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

You know, the E3 2009 trailer of this game showed a clip of the airships appearing out of the portals from a cool angle, and I so badly wanted to use that as the picture for this galaxy, but I wasn't able to find a high-quality picture of that, which is a shame.

Doesn't change the fact the galaxy is still pretty cool! This one's mostly an autoscroller, but I've never really minded autoscrollers personally, and this one is fun in how it makes you multitask, often having to mix platforming with dodging projectiles, all while needing to hold a Bullet Bill in Yoshi's mouth to break the glass cages in your way. And they break up the autoscrolling just often enough that it rarely feels like it drags to me, which I think helps this mission a lot.

And that boss fight! Even though I spent most of Megahammer's post talking about how it looks like it has boobs -- because it does and I stand by that, the boss fight is still really fun, making good usage of the Bullet Bill mechanics and multitasking utilized throughout the rest of the level.

It's one of the trickier bosses in the series (even if still not that hard, I don't know if any of the Galaxy bosses are), mostly due to how getting one hit from Megahammer throws you off your Yoshi, causing him to panic a bit. In hindsight, I don't know if the Daredevil run is really necessary here, a Time Attack mission might have been more unique. Or they could've given Megahammer a bra. I still stand by that part of my post, also. Hire me, Nintendo! Put my bad ideas in your games!

Either way, this is a pretty fun galaxy with a pretty great boss at the end! Thumbs up from me!

32. Upside Dizzy Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

I mentioned in the last post how much I love these gravity walls, right? Well I love these gravity walls a lot. They're a fun mechanic that ties in nicely with this series' gravity mechanics, and make for fun 2D platforming segments! And while the first game had a few segments built around them, the sequel took the opportunity to build full galaxies around them, which I am more than happy about!

I consider the two galaxies that utilize them to this extent about equal in quality (take a wild guess now what #31 is gonna be) but for the sake of this list, I have to like one slightly less than the other, and unfortunately, after thinking it through, Upside Dizzy ended up losing out. Which is weird, given I usually prefer the later "harder" versions of missions... oh well!

But I mean, it's a tight race, because Upside Dizzy has a lot going for it. Having moving strips with different gravity from everything around them makes for some fun platforming challenges, and I really, really love the segment at the end where the gravity of the backdrop changes in time with the music, and you have to plan around it accordingly. I wonder if this galaxy would outdo Rightside Down if that bit was a bit longer, or the whole galaxy's gimmick? It probably would, but since it's not, at least we get to hear these galaxies' great music for a little longer.

And since this is the first galaxy we're talking about that largely highlights this gimmick, know that I'd love to see them bring it back in future titles! Unlike the Flip-Swap tiles and Beat Blocks, they were largely absent from the 3D place games (which makes sense, given well,) but they made a welcome comeback in a few places in Mario Odyssey, and all I'm saying is I wouldn't mind if they got used a bit in Super Mario Bros. Wonder as well...

31. Rightside Down Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

whoa. didn't see that one coming.

Jokes aside though, I like Rightside Down Galaxy about as much as Upside Dizzy Galaxy for pretty much the same reasons: I just love this gimmick a lot and I'm always happy to see a mission built around it!

And Rightside Down Galaxy uses this mechanic for a lot of fun platforming, though that's sort of to be expected for any galaxy that uses this mechanic. I especially love the bit pictured above, where you have to run through a long hallway of Thwomps with a gravity flip in the middle, though the bits where you have to jump between moving platforms in different gravity is pretty neat, and I really love the bits where you get to flip the gravity yourself, experiencing the level from a couple different perspectives. Maybe not as cool as the timed-to-the-beat iteration in Upside Dizzy, but still pretty cool.

Ultimately what gives Rightside Down the edge to me is I think it feels like it has a little more variety. Stuff like the Thwomps and Chomps, the Fire Flower segments, and the brief top-down segment all make for fun changes of pace throughout the level, making it feel like they're showing off a bit more of what can be done with this mechanic. Still, I consider these two really close, and I went back and forth on which is higher when making this list.

If there's one thing I think we can all agree on though, it's that the bonus missions where you have to destroy crates with a Fire Flower are kinda lame. Not as frustrating as the versions with the bombs from the first game, but also not as interesting. Given how little of these galaxies those missions take up though, I'm willing to let them slide when compared to the really fun main missions.

30. Buoy Base Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: A

As I've mentioned in many of the previous posts, most of the small, one-off galaxies from the first game are pretty forgettable and not especially fun, but there's a handful of exceptions, and Buoy Base is absolutely one of them, and I think the developers knew that too, because they put one of the game's three Green Stars in this one, and also gave it a top-notch soundtrack. And honestly, I think that was the right call. I don't know if Buoy Base is elaborate enough to sustain more than a couple missions, but it's definitely cool enough to deserve a little more love than most of the weird one-offs in this game.

While my gripes with these games' water physics aren't completely absent here, I do think luring the Torpedo Teds to destroying the weights can occasionally feel a little tedious, I think the platforming that follows more than makes up for it. I love how it feels to gradually climb up this tower while avoiding its numerous obstacles, particularly the part where you have to line up a Spring Topman right to get the height you need, that part is really nifty.

I also really love the part where you have to collect the Pull Star Chips around a bunch of moving platforms, given how they intersect each others' paths and often need good reflexes to navigate. Again, you kinda know Nintendo had a hit with this one with how much they'd revisit pieces of it elsewhere, with a similar segment to the top of the tower showing up in Melty Molten Galaxy, and a familiar-looking tower making an appearance in the sequel's Space Storm Galaxy.

Buoy Base Galaxy might not be one of the most elaborate galaxies in these games, but for the brief time you're there, it's sure to provide a very memorable experience.

29. Bowser Jr.'s Boom Bunker

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

The last Bowser Jr. galaxy in the series is also going to be the last Bowser Jr. galaxy we review, on account of I Like It Quite A Lot! Talk about going out with a bang! Or... a boom.

The Boom Bunker brings back the gimmick from the Airship Armada in the first game, where you launch yourself out of cannons from planet to planet, but here I think it's executed a bit better. Having the targets to hit, where getting a bullseye gives a 1-Up, adds a bit of a fun optional challenge that always feels rewarding when you pull it off, even though 1-Ups are admittedly never in short demand in this game. I also love that they progressively make this more challenging, later adding mines to avoid, adding an element of timing alongside your aim. It's really neat!

I also really love that this galaxy starts off on a planet with Megahammer's remains, making you bring a Bullet Bill to unlock the first cannon. I appreciate the throwback to Megahammer's top surgery, even if it makes sense that Megahammer's remains would be in a completely different galaxy... Then again, Bowser Jr. made both of them, so it's probably just recycling. Bowser Jr. may be the son of an evil warlord, but even he cares for the environment, kids.

Enough talking about the previous boss though, let's talk about this boss, because it's also great! If you can make inferences from the previous posts, "Cloud Flower" and "Climb to the top of big tower" are both formulas I like a lot, and this boss has both of those things! Combine that with a solid sense of escalation where the tower gains more height, more guns, and more mobility, and it ends up making for a fun, hectic, and memorable final Bowser Jr. encounter!

28. Melty Monster Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

Melty Monster Galaxy is another of those galaxies that I feel kinda gets overshadowed by its Cooler Older Sibling, in this case being Melty Molten Galaxy. And like, that's completely fair, hardly any galaxies out there are capable of beating Melty Molten. Melty Monster never stood a chance in this fight. May as well throw in the towel.

Which to some extent, Melty Monster does, given that after its first mission it completely shifts focus and makes all the remaining missions about bowling as Rock Mario. But that's not necessarily a bad shift in focus, because bowling as Rock Mario is really, really fun, and this galaxy makes really good use of it. If you're gonna have a sudden jarring shift in focus, that's not a bad thing to make the jarring shift to.

And it's not like the first mission is bad at all, either! The segment where you have to use Pull Stars to avoid Magmaarghs (pictured above) is really dang fun, and I love that you gotta play around with Pull Star momentum a bit to reach the first Launch Star, it's the right move for a lategame galaxy like this one. Most of the remainder of the first mission involves timed platforming over lava waves, which is a pretty fun gimmick, and the final planet, surrounded by asteroids that occasionally get engulfed by an ocean of Magmaws, is really nifty too.

Basically: Melty Monster is kinda two galaxies stapled together, but it's two really good galaxies stapled together, so I don't find myself minding the sudden shift in focus all that much. It was never gonna beat Melty Molten, so it may as well see how well it can do at something else, and both the Chimp Bowling Challenge and the very long alley in the second mission make for a pretty memorable time, as well as where I always go to grind out Star Bits in Super Mario Galaxy 2.

27. Bowser's Dark Matter Plant

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: A

Congratulations to Bowser's Dark Matter Plant for being the best boss level that isn't a final boss level! That has to be some sort of worthwhile distinction, right?

The Dark Matter Plant is a really cool galaxy, introducing the Dark Matter which will instantly kill Mario when he touches it, so your goal is to Not Do That! Of course, as the level goes on, they only make that more difficult, such as when they start introducing stationary holes in reality, that the platforms underneath move around. It kind of reminds me of how the textures on clothes work in Chowder, for some reason.

Of course, the highlight of the level to me is, you guessed it, the gravity wall segment, which this time features green walls that push you right and gray walls that push you left, while you have to regularly adjust your positioning on a plus-shaped block, since each change in gravity will push you into the dark matter if you choose to stay still! It's a really creative application of the gravity walls, and a fun way to handle an autoscroller.

Combine that with the Dramatic Staircase returning from the Star Reactor and a solid Bowser fight to top it all off, and you end up creating a Bowser mission I won't forget any time soon!

26. Puzzle Plank Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

Puzzle Plank Galaxy! :D I'm not sure how many galaxies bring me this level of raw joy when I reach them in a playthrough. Like, I wouldn't really consider it one of the best galaxies, it's in 26th place for a reason, but dang it, this galaxy just makes me happy. The combination of the creative theming and the bopping music just gets me really excited whenever I reach it.

And it's a pretty fun galaxy, too! I love how it utilizes the Ground Pround to move wooden blocks into the right spot, and especially memorable is the part of the level where you have to dodge saws that are slowly cutting apart the ground you're walking on. It's a really fun and inspired platforming challenge, and fits the theming of this galaxy so, so well. I especially love that it ties into how you grab the Comet Medal for this galaxy!

It's why I hate to admit it then that I think Puzzle Plank Galaxy is a bit underwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I still love this thing to death, but culminating the first mission in a fight against the Mandibug Stack is... sure? Whatever? I dunno, Mandibug Stack is one of the least interesting fights in the game, and part of me feels I may have been less disappointed if putting the puzzle block together just gave you the star outright. And the secret mission being a Bugaboom rematch is like... I mean I love Bugaboom, it's a great fight, I'm glad it's here, but also this is a galaxy concept so fun and creative, that I wish the secret mission was dedicated to more original content, y'know?

Still, when my complaints about a galaxy boil down to "I desperately wish we got more of it," then I think you can probably figure that I really like what we did get here. It's just that I can't help but feel that in a timeline where some of the recycled content was replaced with more original content, it'd be hanging out with the S-tiers in next week's post.

Don't let my nitpicking undermine how much I like Puzzle Plank. I only moved it up the rankings while writing these reviews. That enthusiasm I feel when playing it goes a long way!

25. Boulder Bowl Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

More bowling! Yeah, I like Rock Mario. Not as much as Cloud Mario, but I like Rock Mario. Bowling is fun. There's something so enjoyable about curling up into a ball, and knocking anything that gets in your way into the stratosphere! (Figuratively. Very few of these planets have stratospheres, or even atmospheres at all...)

And I think the developers knew this, because for one part of this galaxy, they just fill a planet with as many Octoombas as they can and let you bowl them over. And like, when you only get down to a few left, it becomes more practical to just stomp on them, but where's the fun in that? You don't get to use Rock Mario much. Are you gonna deny the opportunity to try and roll into that Octoguy, miss, and throw yourself off the edge? Yeah, that's what I thought.

And I think that's the key to what makes Boulder Bowl Galaxy work so well, it feels like the developers really understand that when you're playing as Rock Mario, you want to have some reckless fun. You want to go on a rampage and take out everything in your path, even though you might not know where you're going. Not only does Boulder Bowl Galaxy show us how to use the Rock Mushroom and what it can do, but it also shows us why we should love the Rock Mushroom, which I think is what makes it really effective.

Oh yeah, it also has a boss fight. It's alright, but I think it'd be better to lean into that "roll over everything that dares stand in your way" mentality for this one. Still, it's not like it's making the galaxy any worse.

24. Battlerock Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: A

From one rock to another, up next we have the Battlerock Galaxy! Today's post is a big hit for all the Rock Fans out there. Unfortunately, no Rock Mushroom here because it didn't exist yet, but we can't have everything...

Still, Battlerock is a pretty great time. You could say... it's ROCK SOLID! I love most of the missions in this galaxy. The cannon autoscroller uses the gravity mechanics in really fun ways, having you switch to different sides of the UFO you're standing on to avoid the electric fences in your way. The second mission is also really fun -- all the Bob-ombs and cannons make it an absolute BLAST!

But the highlight has to be the third mission, being your first encounter with the Topman Tribe. The Topmen are really well-designed and unique enemies, and this level does a good job introducing them, capping off with a pretty fun boss fight at the end. And this mission has gravity walls! I honestly forgot that. Can't go wrong with gravity walls.

Of course, the reason I have to specify "most" instead of "all," is because I don't like that mission where you have to help the Gearmo blow up his garbage. Kinda frustrating, not especially fun. It's not enough to bump this galaxy down too much, but I may as well mention it.

Lots of the ideas introduced here get elaborated and improved upon in Dreadnought Galaxy, but hey, we'll get there when we get there. For now, let's just say Battlerock Galaxy makes some great first impressions.

23. Clockwork Ruins Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

And for our second Ruins-themed galaxy of this entry, we have Clockwork Ruins Galaxy, which... hey, wait a minute! Those are the same towers in the background we saw in Slipsand Galaxy! I knew these two galaxies shared the same music, but that's something I'd actually never noticed before. Is this Lore? Who constructed these impossibly huge, presumably ancient towers, and why come they show up in multiple galaxies? I mean, the actual explanation is they probably just wanted to save time by reusing assets for another galaxy with a similar theme, but let me have some fun about the Implications of these reused assets, okay?

Sorry for getting sidetracked there. Clockwork Ruins is a very cool and distinctive galaxy, partially due to its theming (taking the "desert" out of the "desert ruins" somehow makes it feel way more distinct than it should), but also due to its layouts and platforming challenges. They get a surprising amount of depth out of all the Rotating Platforms here, making for both interesting terrain to navigate, and later on, interesting obstacles! Especially the part at the end, where you have to ride on top of the rolling stones to grab the star with the right timing is particularly cool.

Actually, this galaxy also has one of the best purple coin missions. The rotating platforms at the start of the mission make for interesting obstacles to navigate, given the mission has a time limit, but obviously not every part of the rotating walls can be accessed at all times, forcing the player to carefully plan their routes. I like it!

Not sure what else to say about this one besides "pretty fun and pretty distinctive". I like that planet where you ground pound the button, and what was previously the wall becomes the floor, but now it has more holes in it. That's pretty nifty.

22. Space Storm Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 Tier: A

I guess after a certain point, I worry about repeating myself in these posts. Like, how many times can I say "yeah, this is a galaxy with a cool aesthetic, great music, and really fun missions" over and over again before it gets tiring? I mean, that's basically what makes an A-tier galaxy to me. "Really dang good, doesn't quite go above and beyond, but one I'm always excited to play on."

But at risk of repeating myself: Space Storm Galaxy is a galaxy with a cool aesthetic, great music, and really fun missions. I think the gimmick of having to lore Bob-ombs through a glass wall to make an exit is pretty neat, and maybe a little underutilized? I think there's a lot of mileage you could get out of that. But it's not like I particularly mind, because the rest of the galaxy is still fun. I honestly really love that thin cylindrical rocket ship with the electrical fences at the start. Once again, good platforming challenge.

And while I know I've pooh-poohed galaxies with reused content a bit, I don't even mind the Buoy Base remake in this galaxy, partially because Buoy Base Galaxy is already great, partially because they changed the layout a bit so it's not a one-to-one remake, partially because the time slowing gimmick is done well here. I only have love for one galaxy that brings back an old planet and adds a time slowing gimmick to it in my heart!

Also, I don't know if this is just me, but is Space Storm meant to be the "hard version" of Sky Station Galaxy? World 5 of Super Mario Galaxy 2 has a lot of "sequel" galaxies, like Upside Dizzy, Fleet Glide, and Boo Moon (which we still have yet to see). I dunno, there's some similar-looking spaceships here, and the background goes from a sky on a cloudy day to a sky on a stormy day, feeling like a callback with a bit of a gloomier atmosphere. Either way, I dig it.

21. Good Egg Galaxy

Game: Super Mario Galaxy Tier: A

And wrapping up today's post we have... well, it's not the first galaxy because technically you go to Gateway Galaxy first, but it kinda feels like the first galaxy, because Gateway Galaxy is kinda more like a tutorial to me, and this is like, the first true mission of the game, though I think that's not really fair because the Gateway Galaxy is a fully fleshed-out mission with a star and everything? Ah, whatever. I'll just say it's the first galaxy you can access from the Observatory and call it a day.

And as the ostensibly first galaxy in the game, I really like this one! Compared to Gateway, it gives the player a lot more freedom to figure things out on their own, and play around with the game's mechanics. The first planet is pretty brilliant, it's small enough that players can quickly get on with the mission if they like, but large enough that there's a bit of room to explore, with the orange pipe to the music note room, and a tower with two paths up it, where only one gets used at a time.

As you probably know, I always appreciate having a little room to goof off, and I appreciate it here as much as anywhere else, if not more so! It's nice to highlight this sense of wonder and discovery so early on in the game, and honestly the balance between a more clear linear progression with a little wiggle room to goof off and have fun is something I've always appreciated about these games, particularly the first. While I still enjoy Sky Station Galaxy quite a bit, as a first mission, I felt it was always a bit weaker in that regard.

Good Egg Galaxy isn't especially thematically cohesive, it kinda just feels like the devs threw whatever ideas they could think of into this one, but I don't really mind that at all. As the first "proper" galaxy you get to visit, it mostly exists to acquaint the player with how the game works, and show off some of the things they can do here. They're gonna have a bunch of differently shaped planetoids, a 2D section with gravity walls (they're back!), show off all the game's motion control gimmicks, and throw in a couple fun boss fights, for good measure. It's important to make a good first impression, and Good Egg Galaxy understands that very well.

And that's it for the A-tiers! Lots of gravity walls this time, apparently, though I think I might have talked about all of them by now...

Hope you're still enjoying this series! I mean, you probably are if you've made it this far. Tune in next week, when we'll start covering the top-tiers... We're reaching the cream of the crop, everyone! Or at least, the cream of my crop. As always, you're free to disagree, I don't mind. Mostly.

Take care!

[tylered-up-in-blue]

Response to “The Magic Trick You Didn’t See” / The Coffee Theory

I, like many people in the Good Omens fandom, have already read the big essay “The Magic Trick You Didn’t see” –which blows up the coffee theory that’s been circulating on my twitter page to greater heights and big claims. I have some thoughts.

First of all: I think that the original essay has a few details wrong, essentially because it falls into a kind of utilitarian perspective with the whole magic show metaphor. The thing is –sometimes details which are left hanging, or themes which are shown to be important, don’t always tie up somewhere. Sometimes they’re there because they’re interesting, or poking at intrigue –trying to get you to notice and note down for later, rather than evidence of one ultimate solution that’ll be revealed as a holistic great plot. Also “I didn’t think the writing was good in this moment” isn’t very convincing to me, I’m sorry.

But –I do think that they were onto something. I hesitate to make any grand claims, like “Maggie isn’t real,” or “The Metatron is editing the book of life,” because -to be honest- I don’t trust myself to put my name to something as big as that, and I don’t want to erase my favourite thing about Good Omens: its whimsicality. But I will say that there are themes and notable elements which I think will be important later and hint at some larger fuckery (if you’ll excuse the OFMD reference) going on, so consider this a kind of rejigging of the theory to be a more thematic approach that lays out things I just thought were interesting under an more open-ended (or flip-floppy, depending on how you take it) idea:

Something was going on this season which will be revealed as a Heavenly plot to split Aziraphale and Crowley up by the end. It worked. And the person to reveal the greater plot will be Muriel.

I’ll write down first of all a list of things that have been introduced to the world of Good Omens which I think are important, and highlight why one of them sticks out to me. Then I’ll work on a thematic basis of what things are shown to be worth narrative focus/presuppose S3. The first two themes are very much commentary drawing on the essay I’m responding to, and the second two are more my own ideas –certainly the fourth.

Okay, so: there are introductions to the Good Omens-verse which are clearly there to expand our world for later use. I don’t know if all of these things will come up again, but by the end of this season we know:

There are Nazi (and possibly more) zombies running around London.

There is a gun in Aziraphale’s bookshop -in case it’s needed. 

Heaven is interested in keeping things quiet, and they will fiddle with memories to do so. Erased memories can be “stored” in things/creatures.

There is a thing called “The Book of Life” that if you’re written out of, you NEVER EXISTED. (It can be edited, too, presumably.)

Crowley is possibly the most powerful being in the show. “Half a tiny miracle” ends up being enough to resurrect someone 25 times over, and his attempt to stay calm after a little tiff with aziraphale results in draining the street of electricity. Also he created the entire universe. (coming back to amend this with the fact Neil said he got going just "that tiny corner of space" -but I still feel there is significant evidence to say he is very powerful:) )

I lay these out because they’re just good to have noted down, really, and because they’re definitely GOING to be important. ALSO because the last one makes sense for the greater aim to be breaking up the ineffable husbands. Emphasis on Crowley’s power –and for their shared power– sets up a REAL threat for what we KNOW will be the basis of s2: The Second Coming. If you’re Heaven, and you want the second attempt at an apocalypse to be successful, you’d be stupid to let the two celestial beings who were meddling in the whole averted-apocalypse ordeal last time to just be AROUND for it. Especially when one has the ability to stop time!!! You’ve GOT to break them up. 

Theme 1: Investigation (Muriel!)

Investigation is a fun little theme in s2: Aziraphale goes full detective mode. He loves the clues, he’s in his little trilby investigating. All the marketing was very investigative and invites the audience to pay close attention. And there are SO many little easter eggs. From The Colour of Magic appearing to Gabriel reading the first lines of Good Omens –even as small as a Terry Prattchet impersonator speaking over the tannoy in Hell, or the film in The Resurrectionist being chosen specifically to play because there’s a scene where Jimmy Stewart talks to a fly. 

So! Investigation is fun! It’s important. And my favourite part of the essay I’m responding to is definitely that about Muriel. I think that all this build up to the detective-vibe is going to cumulate in their s3 role. Essentially: I entirely agree that they are coded as the one to blow open this whole case in S3. The police costume and giving them The Crow Road are certainly suggestive–but more than anything, leaving them in charge of the bookshop (full of Aziraphale’s diaries and books and everything) props them up perfectly to earn the promo they got for s2. Because I’m not sure about you, but my mutuals and I were shocked that the NYCC scene (“hello hello hello, I’m a human police officer!”) didn’t happen until episode three. From the way the promo was going (character profiles, trailer etc.) I thought Muriel would be in s2 WAY more.

They also make a HUGE point of how Muriel is considered “nobody.” They say it themselves, they’re called “the dull one” by Metatron.

They set them up perfectly to solve this later.

Theme 2: Memories and Stories:

Memory! Another theme! –memory that can be tampered with, contained, erased and returned.

Heaven is willing to meddle with and erase memories if necessary. They are, then, SUBTLE.

There is no God narrator.

There is a statue immortalising a very real Gabriel (somehow/for some reason –Gabriel was also involved in its making?) 

My favourite part of season 2 was definitely the minisodes. The costumes, the settings –I was so surprised to find the horses and carts in ep 3 were CGI in the X-Ray! They look so good! I loved how every single flashback was incredibly vital and interesting to expand on Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship –that convo on the rock in ep 2? WOW. Stunned. Anyway, not to go on.

I completely disagree with the conviction that these were edited. I think that, to the contrary, these memories are (IF there’s something going on with temptation/persuasion (more on that later) and The Book of Life) are ENTIRELY real. And the reason for that is highlighted in the very essay: each memory is tied to a physical record of it happening. The Book of Job; the Polaroid in ‘41, and Aziraphale’s diaries. This is not to say that there aren’t still gaps: where was the “I’m sorry” dance of ‘41? If Aziraphale wasn’t drinking in 2500 BC then when did he start? Just little things like this.

This is the thing: stories, words, are vital. The challenge that they gave the guy who did Sherlock (I can’t remember his name I’m sorry!) –it’s talked about in the X-Ray– was to have words pop out in 4 different ways across S2. This a fun stylistic choice, but it also gives words narrative attention, so ties in with all this. Without God to narrate, narratives and accounts are left to the characters within the world. It’s fun and important both. So is the spelling stuff. Maggie can’t spell, neither can the demons. (She may be a demon herself –I’m not entirely convinced it’s this simple, tbh, but Aziraphale’s miracle not working on her in ep5 is definitely a red flag.) Anyway – it’s also interesting.

With all this, my idea that Heaven/Metatron had been planning the aziracrow divorce from the beginning might mean they’re tampering with The Book of Life –it also could mean that they’re ABOUT to do something weird with Aziraphale’s memories, or all these pieces are going to become very very helpful for Muriel’s investigation.

I really do wonder what this role of records, memories and narratives will come to, but I have a feeling it’ll bleed into s3.

Theme 3: Food

Crowley was the reason Aziraphale tried food in the first place. I just wanted to put that down because of course he was, but also it is deeply INSANE that he INTRODUCED AZIRAPHALE TO THE CONCEPT OF EATING. God, David was right. They really don't exist without each other.

This is kind of the point I make with food here: it’s a HUGE theme in s2, largely just to emphasise the fact that it’s powerful.

For some reason (jokey or otherwise) eccles cakes can “calm you down.”

Aziraphale becomes significantly bonded to Crowley by eating the Ox in ep2. Later, Crowley is “as strong as an Ox." –fun little echo.)

They drink the same wine as always in ‘41 –they share no wine in s2, just the sherry and whiskey respectively. They also don’t share a meal, which seems interesting. I personally think that it’s to do with consumption being a metaphor for queer desire, and the absence of it being a sign of C/A being on “their own side” in s2. Crowley abandons temptation as Aziraphale abandons attempts to “save” Crowley. –-Or it may mean something else!

Crowley drinks laudanum and it makes him go lala. It ALSO makes him turn tiny, then giant, and he does something kind –kind enough to get him dragged off to hell and tortured so badly that he’s asking for holy water as “insurance” 40 years later.

That fucking oatmilk almond coffee. Okay. So if food is powerful, this has weight. From the colour of it being weird against the background to the fact (to quote my dear friend Jey) “nobody fucking drinks almond syrup!!” –I’m sure you’ve see all this going around. Almonds are obviously very poison-coded, and considering the above point I smell something strange. (I don’t believe it was quite a case of drugging per say, but more metaphor: Aziraphale is being tempted. He’s being manipulated, and drawn back into the culty office world of heaven.)

So what we know here is that food is powerful. An important metaphor and force (especially for aziracrow.)

Theme 4: Resurrection

OKAY: so, this is the most original of my listing in these themes. I am so interested in this resurrection thing they’ve got going.

The Resurrectionist pub: where Gabriel and Beez come to their plan. We see that The Dirty Donkey is a lift to heaven (which NOT enough people are talking about) –so what about The Resurrectionist? What power does it hold as a space? Why is the legacy of Mr Dalrymple important?

Why did (wee) Morag’s eyes glow briefly? Is she a zombie now?

Zombies exist. We know this. They’re also tied to the concept of consumption, which is cool.

Heaven measures miracles by Lazarii.

Gabriel, in one of his flashes of prophecy, says: “there will come a tempest (...) the dead will rise from their graves and wander the earth once more.”

These are all cool. Thematically, it seems that being raised from the dead is going to be something big. I’m interested in this, considering that after Gabriel said the above mentioned prophecy my good friend Jey said “hold on, is this going to be about The Rapture?”

Now: we know that “668: Neighbour of the Beast” was supposed to be set in America. Whether it actually is or not, I don’t know, but I think that if it is about a second coming on American soil, The Rapture feels VERY pertinent. The dead are the first to rise and be with God in The Rapture, but all believers join them: and they join them permanently. In some versions, there is a period in which Christ rules the earth. All very fun and interesting prospects for s3!

Where this leaves us:

S2 is the “bridge” between 1 and 3, in Neil’s words. It’s the “romantic filling” of the sandwich.

I would argue that some seriously tough bread started with “oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever,” but hey ho, that’s the very ending of the season. I just want to talk about coded language/draw on what I’ve just said to talk about how we’re set up for the structures of s3:

Heaven is a CULT. A serious cult. From the (temptation) manipulation of the coffee, to the man at the pub calling Gabriel a “mason” –which I’m assuming he means freemason– to the frankly INSANE smile on Michael Sheen’s face as the credits roll (also sickening lighting there)– they are a big threatening cult, and that is going to be important. I think it’ll just get increasingly so.

FurFur and Shax have it OUT for the ineffable husbands. Like they are NOT fans. And they seem to also be buddies now so… not great news.

In The Scene </3 Crowley stops himself short of saying he’d like to spend eternity with Aziraphale, and instead asks him to “go off together,” just like s1 –I think their language is going to develop hugely in s3. It’ll go back to being the space they “carved out for themselves,” only further.

And finally: a bet. The last time we see Crowley, he’s in a car full of plants because he’s carrying “their side” away with him. I am willing to bet –not that this is a hottake or anything– that it’ll end, as it began: in a garden. S3 will end in the garden of their South Downs Cottage !!!

[selkiewife]

Symbolism in the Alicent and Rhaenyra Confrontation

I can't stop thinking of the potential symbolism of the confrontation between Alicent and Rhaenyra in the Driftmark Episode. The inclusion of the Night King slaying catspaw dagger (which we find out in HOTD is also Aegon's dagger) charged the whole scene with Azor Ahai and Nissa Nissa symbolism for me. I wondered if anyone else felt the same? 

The hidden inscription that Aegon had the pyromancers put on the blade- From my blood come the prince that was promised and his will be the song of ice and fire- was likely intended to mean from his (Aegon's) bloodline. But when Alicent drew Rhaenyra's blood with the dagger it got me wondering whether it could mean the blood that the dagger spills. As if the dagger itself is speaking- from my blood (the blood that I spill) comes the prince that was promised.

And then that made me think about the parallels between two people that are cut by Aegon's dagger in showverse: Rhaenyra and Catelyn. They are both mothers defending their children who are voluntarily sacrificing themselves (if need be) for the greater good (their kids) which is very similar to Nissa Nissa:

"... 'Nissa Nissa,' he said to her, for that was her name, 'bare your breast, and know that I love you best of all that is in this world.' She did this thing, why I cannot say, and Azor Ahai thrust the smoking sword through her living heart. It is said that her cry of anguish and ecstasy left a crack across the face of the moon, but her blood and her soul and her strength and her courage all went into the steel. Such is the tale of the forging of Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes. ~ A Clash of Kings, Davos I

I remember a while ago @st-clements-steps brought up the fact that everyone is always trying to figure out who Azor Ahai is when Nissa Nissa is as equally (if not more) interesting since she is the person who CHOOSES to sacrifice themselves to save the world. She is described as someone who voluntarily presents herself as a sacrifice. I think that a mother defending her child and willing to sacrifice her life for theirs is a really powerful Nissa Nissa image. Nissa Nissa sacrifices herself to save the future of the world. The Mothers (Rhaenyra and Catelyn) putting their bodies between a dagger and their child is a similar symbolic idea. 

Whether it is the blood that flows from the dagger or the bloodline- the fact that it is two mothers whose blood is spilled by the dagger feels significant. Corlys was right when he said "History does not remember blood, it remembers names." And what names are the ones that are remembered? Well, the male ones. The surnames of the noble males are the ones that are passed down. Aegon himself believed that the Prince that was Promised would come from his bloodline. But interestingly, "his line" comes from his sister, Rhaenys the Conquerer, who was rumored to have lovers:

Whilst no one ever questioned Visenya’s fidelity to her brother-husband, Rhaenys surrounded herself with comely young men, and (it was whispered) even entertained some in her bedchambers on the nights when Aegon was with her elder sister. ~ Fire and Blood, Aegon's Conquest

So even though all the Targaryens are related to Aegon, there is a chance that the direct line of rulers is from Rhaenys and whomever she chose as her lover. Which I’d like. It doesn’t make Aegon wrong. It’s still his blood since it is his sister's blood. But I love how it also subverts what he believes as well. And in a way that makes women and bastards more important than true born male heirs. In the world of asoiaf, so much emphasis is put on the importance of trueborn male heirs. And yet, the two charcters most likely to be the Prince that was Promised are Daenerys Targaryen and/or Jon Snow. A woman and a bastard.

And speaking of that, the idea of the Prince that was Promised being a girl or a woman is supported by both the novels and by the show. As Maester Aemon said in the novels:

"No one ever looked for a girl... It was a prince that was promised, not a princess. Rhaegar, I thought … the smoke was from the fire that devoured Summerhall on the day of his birth, the salt from the tears shed for those who died. He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King’s Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar Targaryen was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet. What fools we were, who thought ourselves so wise! The error crept in from the translation. Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame. The language misled us all for a thousand years. Daenerys is the one, born amidst salt and smoke. The dragons prove it." ~ A Feast for Crows, Samwell IV

And Missandei explained from the show:

MISSANDEI: Your Grace, forgive me, but your translation is not quite accurate. That noun has no gender in High Valyrian, so the proper translation for that prophecy would be, "The prince or princess who was promised will bring the dawn. ~ GAME OF THRONES, Season 7, Episode 7: "Stormborn"

And then, of course, Arya Stark (an unlikely girl) is the one in the show to slay the Night King.

So it is interesting that in the confrontation between Alicent and Rhaenyra, we have the role of the Azor Ahai being symbolized by Alicent- an incredibly “unlikely” person to symbolize Azor Ahai or The Prince that was Promised. And yet, taking into consideration the idea of “we never looked for a girl,” and considering that it was actually Arya who was the girl that saved the world, it makes a lot of sense. It’s even roughly the same choreography. You have person 1 (Rhaenyra and the Night King) facing person 2 (Luke and Bran) and then person 1 turns around and stops the hand of person 3 (Alicent and Arya) who has unexpectedly showed up with Aegon’s dagger in their hand. Obviously the roles of protection are reversed here (with Rhaenyra protecting Luke against Alicent’s knife instead of Arya’s knife protecting Bran) but it’s still an interesting parallel linking Alicent and Arya as the unlikely wielders of the magical prophetic weapon. Unlikely because they are girls/women (“we never looked for a girl.”) Unlikely because they are not Targaryens. 

But! Are they truly not? Alicent- a mother of Targaryens- could symbolize Dany the mother of Dragons (yes! Dany is the only mother of literal dragons but I’m talking symbolism here.) She is also a Targaryen by marriage. And she was a forced child bride in the show- another parallel to Dany. There have been better posts that you can find explaining the role of Dany as an Azor Ahai figure in the books. But we are talking mostly about the show canon and in the show, Alicent can also be symbolizing and foreshadowing Arya. I originally thought that Arya could also end up having Targaryen blood if the show decided to make the rumored Jace and Sara Snow romance canon but it looks like that is not going to happen. However, Arya's dagger is still "tempered" by her mother's blood, so perhaps mothers' blood is the magic and not necessarily a Targaryen mother's blood. This also supports the idea that the prophesies come true- but not in the way the dreamer/interpreter believes they will. Arya and Rhaenyra are also shown to have a lot of parallels so perhaps there is symbolic link more than a literal blood link between them. Or perhaps Rhaenyra is the Nissa Nissa to Arya's Azor Ahai (and in the books it may still be Daenerys or Jon.) I think Rhaenyra putting herself in harm's way to protect Luke (her bastard) can also foreshadow Lyanna dying to birth Jon Snow.

On the whole, I do think it is really interesting that Rhaenyra and Alicent mirror Nissa Nissa and Azor Ahai in this scene. Especially when you consider the potential homoerotic undertones to their friendship. According to the legend, Azor Ahai and Nissa Nissa did love each other before one killed the other. Though it is a change from the books, I like how the relationship between Alicent and Rhaenyra highlight the asoiaf theme that, as Arya says, "The woman is important too!" Nissa Nissa is important. The dead mothers are important. The unremembered blood of mothers is important. Bastards are important. The relationships between women are important. The unlikely heroes are important.

tagging @targaryenfamilyorgy who wrote this post

[thekingofwinterblog]

The Problem with Trespasser

So there has been said a lot about the flaws of tresspasser as a finale to Inquisition, as it can basically be divided into two sections.

There is the lore, the character stuff with your companions, and the actual titular trespasser section of the story, which is generally liked.

Then there is the Exalted Council part of the Story which is generally greatly disliked for the way it portrays Arl Teagen as an ungrateful arse, who even though he's in the right that the Inquisition really does need to disband, is such a bitch about it that a player might feel the desire to keeping it intact just to spite him, despite all the reasons that is a terrible idea(Such an organization being doomed to become the templars 2.0 being the single biggest). Not to mention the way it makes Thedas's nations look like they have the memory capacity of a goldfish, given how instrumental the inquisition was in stopping the last massive threat and might be so again against the plenty of obvious threats on the horizon(and sure enough, the stop the Dragon breath terrorist attacks that would have happened with or without them being there).

However, looking at the big picture, i don't think the actual writing of Arl teagen was the problem here.

No the problem is that Arl Teagen and the rest of the world's reaction to the Inquistion is very, very clearly taken from an older draft of this story, where the Inquisitor was far less... An unambiguous force for good, lets say.

The concept art for inquistion tells a story that is very, very different than what we get in game, with a lot more emphasis is put on the inquisitor very obviously being a dick, that is not well liked by anyone around them.

There is also the way said inquisitor could be far, far more pragmatic and morally grey or dark, like here, where the Inquisitor could force the Venatori to serve after defeating them.

Way more emphasis is built on the idea that the Inquisitor is creating a cult of personality around you, personally.

Essentially a dark mirror to the Hero of Ferelden and Galahad's journeys to defeat their own crisis'.

The option of letting celine die was always gonna be a part of the game, but rather than a pragmatic, move of standing aside and let it happen, your companions would have very negative reactions to this choice, with you having to force Blackwall in particular to stand back as he curses you.

And of course, it would all cuminate in the logical endpoint for the herald of andraste, the living embodiment of the Andrastian reformation as you took your place on the sunburst throne, and usher in whatever changes you want.

This outcome... makes perfect sense. Frankly speaking, this is a much more narratively fitting ending for the inquistior, that has a clear climax from where they start.

Of course we all know this didn't actually end up happening. The Inquisitor ended up being the most passive of all the PC's by a wide margin(you could shape them into having a personality, but not one with a true backbone like Hawke and the Warden), and all these very morally dubious options was taken out of the game in favor of a much more morally simple story.

The most evil thing you can do in DAI is to choose the templars over the mages... and rather than being portrayed as the clear evil choice as it should have been(and still been a legitimate and pragmatic option for you to take) there is instead attempts at making it more nuanced.

Other than that, you don't have the kind of options that the Warden had, and even hawke did(like selling Fenris into slavery), to be a dick.

With all this in mind, it's blatently obvious why Teagen and the world is so damn afraid of the Inquisition.

Because this part of the story was written from before this change in the direction of the game, and was never updated to fit the final product.

If the original vision of the game had to to pass, Teagen's extreme reactions to the Inquistion would have been far, far more understandable, and in it's own way a way of calling the player out on their bullshit.

However, the final product just makes it appear he's way overreacting, rather than maybe questioning that maybe Teagen is right, maybe it is time to end this inquisition for the good of all.

Its one of the biggest problem with what is otherwise a very good epilogue to Dragon Age Inquisition.

[water-to-drink]

A Star’s Introduction

(Characters): Yae Miko, Childe, Pantalone, Charlotte, and Xinyan

(Synopsis): As the new kid at school you try to remain low to hide a big secret that determines whether you would be staying at the academy or not

(Tags/Warnings): gn!reader, reader is a superhero (star guardian), some foul language, dialogue heavy, I wrote this in one sitting so might be rushed, talks about selling organs, reader is called “new kid”, barely edited (lmk if I missed anything)

(Word Count): 1.2k

(A/n): Sorry for being gone for so long, depression has been kicking my ass but I’m back. This idea has been bouncing around in my head for a while so I hope you enjoy

Genshin Academy, a prestigious institution that host bright students from all corners of Teyvat. Many from highly influential families, but that doesn’t mean students from much humbler backgrounds don’t attend

Many backgrounds and cultures come together to form a beautiful mosaic that reflects the academy’s aim for a more inclusive society

The same stuff you’ve heard before in many other schools. This is where you find yourself, having recently enrolled into the academy you would say things are going pretty good for yourself. You have a small group of friends and try to stay out of the sights of the school’s most influential students, well you try to keep a low profile for reasons that will be brought up later, but as you are running down the hallways it seems that the First Star has other plans for you here

“Why hello, new kid~”

You don’t have to turn around to know who it is, the sultry voice with a mischievous tint to it. The one and only Yae Miko

“Lady Yae! Can we please do this another time, please!” You pleaded the last part but it seemed to make the fox chuckle a bit

“I promise it won’t take too long, why are you so adamant about pushing our plans to a later date?” She asked whilst circling around you, her ears moving with a bit of excitement. “Could it be that my dear new kid already has plans with some other rascal?”

“N-no Lady Yae, I just have to do something. Alone. By myself!” You directed your hands towards the door to put emphasis in your need to leave urgently

“Yeah they promised to tutor me!”

fuck

Another headache inducing person comes between you and Yae. The ginger mop of hair slightly obscures your view of Yae but from what you can see, she’s getting a kick out of Childe challenging her for your time

“Right you promised to tutor me in history?”

“I don’t remember promising that! I said I’ll think about it!”

“You’re so mean, Tyro!” Childe says while clutching his chest in fake hurt

“Stop calling me that and why don’t you go to Al Haitham or Zhongli or someone other than me?”

“Zhongli’s busy and Al Haitham refuses to acknowledge my presence.”

“I don’t blame him, you are quite the headache.” Yae mutters under her breath just loud enough for the ginger to hear

Childe whips his head around and starts to walk towards Miko. You blocked out what they were saying and slowly backed away from them until you reached the corner and then your walk quickly turned into a run. You ran down the halls to find an empty room until you found one that had the lights turned off, you stepped inside and instantly bumped into something. A very expensive sounding crash hit your ears, the lights instantly turned on revealing a broken vase right by your feet

“Oh my stars!” You gasped not noticing the other figure in the room

“My my, that vase was around 500,000 mora.” A deep voice came up from behind you and to your horror it came from none other than Pantalone

“Do you know how you’re going to pay for it, unless…?”

“A kidney will pay that off.”

“I-I beg your pardon…?”

“A kidney is around 450,000 back where I’m from.”

“Why is selling your kidney your first option…?”

“But if that doesn’t cover it I could sell some blood or parts of my skin to make up for-”

“I was insinuating you working for me, not selling body parts, dear archons!”

“So out of the goodness of your heart you’ll overlook this tiny oopsie?”

“Oh no, it still has to be replaced.” The raven haired student said with his usual smile

You looked around to see if there was a way out but alas, there wasn’t just you and him. In defeat you turned towards Pantalone

“Okay, I’ll work for you to pay off the vase. Just can we start this tomorrow, I have something really important to do.”

“Hmm.” Pantalone rubs his chin seemingly not noticing or intentionally ignoring you getting more antsy by the second. “I think I have work for you to do that cannot wait until tomorro-” The sound of a large explosion cuts him off

You look out the window to see a hydra like monster terrorizing students out in the courtyard

Disregarding your conversation with Pantalone you run out of the classroom, heading to the rooftop

The charm on your bracelet rattling, a constant reminder of the vow you made to the First Star many years ago. A vow to be a Star Guardian a beacon of light dedicated to protecting all life from monsters that threaten to plague this world and many others into total darkness, upon reaching the rooftop you look around to see if anyone is there and thankfully there isn’t

Taking a deep breath in you prepare to say the phrase for as long as you stand and till you take your very last breath. “Starlight Transformation!”

With that your body is enveloped in a blue light your school blazer replaced with the white lightweight armor, your loafers replaced with white boots with blue linings, your normal color hair now is a vibrant shade of blue. Everything completed with a four pointed star in the middle of your chest

You’re ready for action

You leap off the roof and extend your hands out

“Lux! Aura!” You called out to your magical companions, a pair of capybaras appear and each turn into two shotguns in your hands

You began to shoot at the monster, mainly aiming for the many eyes it has.

Out of your peripherals you see a girl with pink hair and glasses about to be crushed by one of the monster’s heads

Rushing you get her out of the way just in time

“Don’t worry! I got you…”

“Charlotte!” Charlotte answered. Her eyes look over your shoulder and as you followed her gaze to see the monster charging up a beam in its mouth to shoot right at you

Before you could move out of the way the hydra blasts the beam right at to both of you

Charlotte preparing for the blast opens her eyes to see a shield had formed around you two

“I said that I got you,” You smiled at her as you lept onto the rooftop. “now get to somewhere safe. I’ll finish this guy off.”

Jumping back down you continue to shoot at the monster’s weak spots until you were certain it had been weakened significantly

Standing right in front of the hydra you get ready for your final attack. “Starlight Bullet!” With the pull of the trigger the monster disappears in a burst of smoke

“Ugh, now I can finally go home.” You sighed whilst stretching

Walking in through the school’s entrance the next day you see students reading the school’s paper, your friend Xinyan runs up to you and hands you the paper for you to read

‘Mysterious Hero Saves Academy From Monster’’

It only took you a few seconds for things to click, Charlotte from yesterday is Charlotte of the newspaper club

“You look so awestruck, I know it’s so cool having a superhero at our school, it even says that they might be a student too.” Xinyan said gleefully unaware of your emotional turmoil

All your efforts to remains under the radar in both your regular life and Star Guardian life down the drain in a moment of carelessness. Oh may the First Star guide you

[lost-walmartbag]

First impressions pt 2

Song

Warning: Swearing

Background: You finally meet Eric's mom

Status: ongoing

Previous part

Next part

Potato salad

"Y/N, calm down. It's ok. You don't have to stress so much." Eric said, reaching for your shoulder as you frantically ran around the kitchen.

"No! I'm meeting your mom. This has to be perfect!" You said as you looked around the kitchen cabinets.

Eric drew his hand back and stared at you. "I just- You don't have to be so nervous. My mom isn't some fancy queen of some European country neither of us can pronounce. She's just a normal person."

"Eric! Please. I don't care if you think she's normal. She's your mom. She birthed you. Raised you. I want to be on her good side." You said pulling a large glass tupperware dish from the fridge.

"Is that.." Eric started as he stared at the dish.

"Potato salad. My great grandma's recipe. I need to make an impression." You said looking up at him. "Why? Oh my god is your mom allergic to potatoes?"

"What? No." He said taking a deep breath as he thought about his next words. "Look. Y/N I love that you care so much. Really I do. But my mom is going to love you. I promise."

Eric's words made you calm down a bit. Eric smiled softly when he saw you finally take a breath, but he couldn't ignore the fact that he knew he was lying to you.

"Ok. Ok. I'll calm down. I'm gonna go get dressed, and we can head out." You said putting the Tupperware in an ice chest.

"I'll get everything in the car. Just take your time." He said, kissing your forehead and cracking a small smile. "Now go get dressed, beautiful."

As you made your way out, he gave a quick slap to your ass that was way too hard. You yelp and shoot him a glare, which he just looked away from to hide his smirk.

"Sadist." You mutter before leaving the room to get dressed.

Eric chuckled and let out a sigh. "You have no idea."

-♡-

The drive to South Park was long. Emphasis on long. It took a few hours of just driving. It was nice at first, but after a while, Eric got irritated. It was mostly from hunger. You had packed a few things but not enough to replace a whole meal.

"I'm sorry I didn't pack more." You said with a small frown.

"No no no. I should have packed something. I knew this drive was gonna be long. I'm not mad at you I just wish...I should have packed that was my bad."

"Still I'm sorry I've just been so all over the place but I should have packed food for us. I'm so stupid." You said bringing the heel of your palms to your eyes.

"Hey. None of that." He said putting his hand on your head as he focused on the road.

You put your hands down and looked at him. He smiled without facing you, but his hand moved down under your chin making you laugh softly.

"There she is. Now give me an apple. I can at least survive off that for a few more hours."

"Why don't we stop at a gas station?"

"Ya know. I um. I didn't think of that."

-♡-

After a few more hours you eventually made it to South Park and holy fuck was it snowy. You looked out the window and looked around. Not that there was much to look at.

"It's pretty."

"It's lame and small."

"A little but it's where you grew up so it can't be that bad."

"You have no idea how wrong you are." He muttered under his breath.

He drove up to a decently sized green house. The color was admittedly not very pretty but you didn't want to say that. As Eric parked in the driveway he stayed seated and let out a shaky breath.

"Hey, you ok? I kinda should be the only one nervous here." You said with a small laugh which Eric cracked a smile at but he still seemed...scared?

"I know I just...being here again. It's...fuck Y/N I don't wanna take you in there." He said looking over at you and putting his hand on your thigh.

You put your hand over his and looked into his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I didn't tell you. I'm so fucking scared to but Y/N I-"

"Eric is that you?" A woman called out from the front door.

You couldn't really see her from where you were but you could see Eric physically cringe the minute he heard her voice.

"Fuck.." He muttered before pulling away and opening his car door. You did the same and stepped out.

The woman ran over and hugged Eric. She practically jumped in his arms, but Eric stayed stiff.

"H-hey mom." He said in a shaky voice that she didn't seem to notice.

You walked over to his side and looked at them with a nervous smile. Ok Y/N this is your chance time to make a good impression.

You put out your hand and put on your warmest smile. "H-Hi I'm-"

"Who are you?" She said switching from her once sweet motherly voice to one of pure ice.

She was glaring at you with a frown and you just knew it was gonna be a long night.

Fuck how did you already fuck up?

A/N: BOOM! Double upload on your forehead! I have so many plans for this series so I'm very happy I get to post a new chapter of this. Hope you guys like this and stay with me for this story. Thank ya'll for reading I love love love you 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[platonicallylovesick]

Let just say, Katsuki's mother is my BIGGEST op

I mean like.. Endeavor too. Obviously the shit he did was WAYYY worse, but at least Shoto had a good role model too, his mom, and so Endeavor didn't completely get to him.

Besides, you're SUPPOSED to take the abuse seriously in Shoto's backstory, Katsuki's abuse gives me the sickening sinking feeling that its supposed to come off as a joke. Maybe it would for people who haven't lived through similar shit. But I just felt angry and a little sick through the whole thing.

cw for the actual abuse being talked about and shown under the cut

First of all, she casually hits him. Its the first thing we see her do. Its HARD, not a light smack at all, and she doesnt even fucking blink. She does it with a smile, she does it while cheerfully talking about how much she wants him out of her house and into a dorm room.

He responds as anyone raised in a volatile household would, and yells back at her. "You hag! Hit me again and I'll kill you!" To which she hits him again, visually and AUDIBLY harder than the last time.

This time she throws in that he was so weak he got caught. Found out where his obsession with being the strongest came from. I actually clocked him for this a long time ago. When I started the show I assumed his father beat him for being "too weak" and "not enough of a man" and that his mother was an alcoholic. Turns out his mother is the physically abusive one that thinks he's too weak, and his father is a pathetic coward of a man, since he mostly just stands by. Obviously he's also being abused, but he's the adult in the situation, its disgusting that he just stands by and lets his child get hit.

What's important to me here though is that he stops fighting back, he leans away from her and puts his arms up defensively. We've literally never seen him actually take any real defensive stance at all any other time in the show. Not when he was being suffocated by the sludge monster in episode one, not a single time when he was fighting All Might, not when he was kidnapped and surrounded by villains. But when his mother hit him and yelled at him, he pulled back.

Then there's this shot, where Kasuki's mother has him by the cheeks and he's trying to get her hands off of him. The father stands by and addresses the teachers instead.

She hits him again, and then holds his head down while turning to tell the teachers that she would be grateful to have him out of the house and in a dorm instead. "People are always fawning over him whether he deserved it or not." Emphasis on the not.

Absolutely disgusting how she demonstrates why he ended up the way he did while blaming it on him getting undeserved praise from his peers. Listen, could this line be referring to how she developed a more physical approach to interacting with him AFTER he developed an explosive personality? I mean I guess its possible, I know of cases where that's happened, where the mother has to get on her unruly son's level. But that's usually because the child learned the behavior from outside influences, like running in bad circles at school, doing drugs, gang activity, ect. That's Not what we see happening here, being told your Quirk is pretty cool by your friends on the playground and being admired by your peers doesn't instill such hatred in a person. Abuse does. Especially since he was a good kid, he didnt just throw his weight around, he stood up for his friends against older kids, we see it in a flashback scene in season 2. He only became angry at Midoriya specifically when he tried to help him up out of the river, which got him so angry because of values INSTILLED IN HIM BY HIS ABUSIVE MOTHER. He internalized the idea that Midoriya thought he was pathetic and useless and weak because he must be if a Qurkless kid thought he needed help. That's not something a 6 year old just assumes, that's something that's already been beat into him by his mother.

This part hit me in the feels. He walks outside for just a few moments to ask All Might what Deku is to him, since he's observed a lot of the direct mentoring All Might's been giving him. For once he doesn't yell or threaten or anything, he's very uncharacteristically quiet. His mother yells at him from inside the house that the police told him not to go wandering off alone, and after a minute he turns to go back inside. "Yeah sure. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. Oh and, thank you." Before getting yelled at again on his way inside. Thanks for coming to have him moved into a dorm, and out of that household.

I didn't really like Bakugo so much before this episode, at least in the beginning I thought he seriously needed to chill out and thought that he was just written like that for the sole purpose of having a loud and explosive bully for Midoriya to rise up against as the main character. I had looked at a few reddit posts that came up for the search "Why is Bakugo like that" and also asked my sister (who frankly turned out to have an awful memory, since her reasoning was that she was pretty sure his father had gone to get milk, so to speak) and nowhere did I find mention of him literally being abused, or even being in a toxic and dysfunctional household. The only deeper meaning for his character that I could find was that he felt pressured to live up to this image of himself that everyone else had, the aforementioned "Everyone thinks my Quirk is cool and that I'm destined to be a hero, so I HAVE to be the strongest and I HAVE to be the coolest, otherwise I'm absolutely nothing." But again, that's not really the full story since we see his mother reinforce the same message with a side of physical abuse. I mostly joked about the "I bet your father beats you and your mother's a drunk" shit before because I really didn't think they'd have actually written it in. Now I highkey feel bad.

Please enjoy this bonus paragraph about how Bakugo being so independent kinda made me think. Now im going to go and lose my mind over more of this show see ya

[vivithefolle]

What are your thoughts on the bad future in Cursed Child where Hermione basically becomes Snape as a teacher just because she didn't get with Ron?

Oh, I'd written a Quora answer about that! Let me get it-

In the alternated universe in Cursed Child, Hermione became a Snape-like professor because she lost Ron. Is it just bad writing because she'd never be like that? Why?

Au contraire, I think it’s the only bit of characterization in this garbage play that makes sense.

And I’m not saying that because I love Ron, I’m saying that because I know Hermione rather well - I’ve been a very Hermioneish person in my life.

I’ve been that girl who wanted to answer every question I knew the answer to, because I liked to show off what I knew, I liked it when the teacher validated me, I liked to be seen as clever by the adults. The adults were the most important people, after all they were the ones who handed out the punishments. Therefore it was important that I endear myself to the adults considering that they were the only people who could protect me from the other kids’ bullying.

I was bullied. A lot. As a result, I hated my schoolmates. I despised them with all my being. I only trusted the adults and a select few fellow kids who didn’t bully me. My philosophy? “The adults are always right. I’m always right, unless the adults say otherwise. My friends are always right, unless the adults or I say otherwise. Everyone else is stupid and useless.”

Notice a pattern?

It’s quite easy really. The more I was bullied, the tighter I shut myself out. Every new act of bullying was only vindicating me. The world is made of idiots, idiots and more idiots. There’s nothing out there but idiots, and they prey on the smart people like me.

When Hermione made friends with Harry and Ron, thankfully, they stopped her from leaping into misanthropy entirely. They grounded her, gave her something to look forward to other than school. They made her realize that people who don’t care for school aren’t necessarily complete dumbasses who’ll never achieve anything with their lives. They brought some humanity to her. Some much-needed emotion and empathy.

They got her away from her feeling of superiority and made her accept that she wasn’t perfect, something that is incredibly important considering that being perfect is impossible.

[…] Harry headed straight back to the Gryffindor common room, where he found Ron and Hermione playing chess. Chess was the only thing Hermione ever lost at, something Harry and Ron thought was very good for her.

(Lookit those two Dads parenting their perfectionnist daughter. Iconic.)

Okay, so, we know how Hermione reacted when Ron dated Lavender Brown, right?

No, I’m not talking about the birds, I’m talking about after that. After she threw her hissy fit, she went on to bully Ron for months on end.

“Hi, Parvati!” said Hermione, ignoring Ron and Lavender completely. “Are you going to Slughorn’s party tonight?” “No invite,” said Parvati gloomily. “I’d love to go, though, it sounds like it’s going to be really good… You’re going, aren’t you?” “Yes, I’m meeting Cormac at eight, and we’re -” There was a noise like a plunger being withdrawn from a blocked sink and Ron surfaced. Hermione acted as though she had not seen or heard anything. “- we’re going up to the party together.” “Cormac?” said Parvati. “Cormac McLaggen, you mean?” “That’s right,” said Hermione sweetly. “The one who almost” - she put a great deal of emphasis on the word - “became Gryffindor Keeper.” “Are you going out with him, then?” asked Parvati, wide-eyed. “Oh - yes - didn’t you know?” said Hermione, with a most un-Hermione-ish giggle. “No!” said Parvati, looking positively agog at this piece of gossip. “Wow, you like your Quidditch players, don’t you? First Krum, then McLaggen…” “I like really good Quidditch players,” Hermione corrected her, still smiling. “Well, see you… Got to go and get ready for the party…”

And

“How did you do?” asked Ron, hurrying toward Harry. “I think I felt something the last time I tried - a kind of tingling in my feet.” “I expect your trainers are too small, Won-Won,” said a voice behind them, and Hermione stalked past, smirking.

You know how many pages there are between these two happenings? Seventy. 70!! In-universe, it goes from December to freaking March!

And by being away from Ron, Hermione also reduces the time she spends with Harry. Because Harry won’t seek Hermione out, it’s always Hermione who will come see him - and only if she has something to tell him.

So, without Ron, Hermione would consequentially drift away from Harry. Without Ron to bicker with, without Ron to act as a buffer between her controlling tendencies and Harry’s rebellious nature, Hermione would close herself off and ignore other people.

Now, as for why she’s a She-Snape when it comes to students?

Well duh! Have you seen Hermione?

Ron, at the next table, wasn’t having much more luck. “Wingardium Leviosa!” he shouted, waving his long arms like a windmill. “You’re saying it wrong.” Harry heard Hermione snap. “It’s Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the ‘gar’ nice and long.”

She loudly points out Ron’s failure, getting everyone’s attention and making him feel humiliated, because she was so sure she knew better than him. That she happens to perform better than him right afterwards just makes Ron feel even worse.

She wasn’t nice, she wasn’t friendly, she wasn’t helpful. She shot him down by snapping at him and only then did she try to help him, but she was already “the aggressor” in Ron’s mind. Of course he wasn’t going to react nicely to anything she’d have to say afterwards!

“All right – I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors,” said Hermione in a sniffly voice. “And you’ve got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?”

Note that here, this is Harry’s narration. Harry thinks of Hermione’s voice as “sniffly”. It’s about on par with Draco’s “sneering” in terms of positive first impressions.

And look at that! “people outside are behaving very childishly”, that’s an 11 years old speaking! She’s just as much of a kid as her peers yet she already has an overinflated sense of her own maturity. *sighs* Believe me, I know from experience that this can only end in tears.

And it’s what would make her miserable should she become a teacher.

Without Harry and Ron with her to remind her that she’s human and faillible, Hermione would ignore other people’s needs as well as her own.

We already see that she can be somewhat gentle to people like Neville, maybe because Neville is kind of the equivalent of a “special needs” kid in the Wizarding World, but with other students like Harry and Ron, whom she assumes are just dumb or not trying hard enough? She’s harsh. Snappish. She can’t understand how they don’t understand stuff that to her is so easy!

Now take Harry and Ron and multiply them by 10. And put Hermione in charge of them all.

She’s gonna go insane in a couple weeks.

A few years and she’ll have lost any sort of enjoyment she may have gotten from passing on her knowledge.

Hermione is not a good pedagogue, like the books show us multiple times - she has an easy time learning because she can memorize her books, but not all students are like this. When someone doesn’t understand what she understands, she makes a snippy remark, act as though they should know and make them feel dumb and in the process snuff out their interest for what she had to say.

Hermione Granger would be a complete nightmare of a teacher, because she has no patience and has a very “if I can do it, so can you” mentality, and she also tends to assume the worst in others. She’s not suited to a role that requires her to interact with people on a daily basis (also why she would make a terrible Minister for Magic).

[leffee]

can you talk more about vinnie please?

But of course! But like, there's so much I can talk about, this ask is so vague, what do I say? I have been trying to reply to this ask for the past few days, since I got it actually, and each time my brain produces so many thoughts but they all are so incoherent because I get so excited I just say nothing and toss all those thoughts around in my head instead. So, I decided to just return to one of those things I at one or another point said I'd talk about later, and the first one that came to mind was dichotomy of Vinnie and Vincent. Iiii blame mlp Pinkie Pie/Pinkamena Diane Pie for this 100%, because the first time I heard about it I thought it was soooo cool so then when I found out that Vinnie is actually Vincent my neuron was activated and so a thought was born. Many many thoughts actually.

Let's try to organize it a bit then so we all know what on earth I'm talking about. First of all, I have to say that I can see it happening in two ways, either we give Vinnie DID (dissociative identity disorder) with Vincent being his different personality, or we simply do it Fun Russell style, it not being a different, completely separate personality but rather something that Vinnie himself did artificially, wanting to separate Vincent from Vinnie. Today, we'll be talking about the latter.

Ok, so, first of all, a few information that will be needed beforehand to understand what the hell I'm talking about, ones that I said before in posts and those are: Vinnie's actual name is Vincent (duh) and he was named that because his mother wanted her children to have smart and elegant sounding names because she dreamed of her children being smart and all that, so the name was to fit the personality. But Vincent never lived up to those expectations nor did he really want to, not with his mother being so metally abusive about it, this way she totally made studying and just school knowledge distasteful to him. Even after that he couldn't stop thinking about it, hearing this name that his mother put so much emphasis on made him feel so bad, so out-of-place, the name she was calling him - Vincent, was supposed to be someone studious, someone knowledgeable, someone he was not. This name didn't fit him at all after that. This was not his name. That was someone else's name. So he wanted to call himself something else, an alternative.

From here it can go different ways, maybe he himself found out that there is actually a nickname for Vincent that sounds much more him, or maybe someone else called him Vinnie just because or because it was easier on the tongue, if we want to be fun we can even say that Sunil was the first one to call him that.

And from that day on it just stuck. Vinnie - that felt like him, that was his name, not some fancy shmancy Vincent. From that day on, he almost completely rejected Vincent, yeah, it was his legal name and all but that's all, from that day on he always introduced himself as Vinnie, tried to change whoever was calling him Vincent from before to call him Vinnie, each time he had a new teacher in school he even tried to convince them to call him that, even in attendance or how he wrote his name on exams etc; many agreed (some of their own free will some because he kept annyoing them until they did) and so he was just knows as Vinnie, even in more formal situations as long as it was possible for him to arrange. If someone didn't know any better, they just assumed Vinnie is a full, legal name that he had, and also he was from a different country, so if wasn't hard for someone to think that maybe it's just a normal name in Italy.

At one point there was almost no visible trace of Vincent, there was only Vinnie, finally he changed what he fought for so long and so much.

Was that the end of Vincent? Well, no, not exactly, because Vinnie found a good use for him (at this point he simply saw Vincent as someone else, Vincent shared body with him, sure, but not mind. Vincent wasn't him, Vincent wasn't Vinnie, hence refering to Vincent per "him" not "me"). Well then, what did Vinnie do with Vincent? He made him into a scapegoa, an ultimate fission! If there was something he did or felt he didn't like he could always tell himself that it wasn't really him, it was Vincent. Vincent showed sadness when he didn't want to, Vincent was the one who lost control when angry, he was the one who couldn't get a grip on himself, he was the one with any sort of problems. Not Vinnie, Vinnie didn't have problems and he certainly didn't need any help, Vincent did, Vincent was a crybaby who could not handle anything. Not Vinnie though, Vinnie could handle anything without asking for help or complaining, Vinnie was known for being chill, laid-back and going with the flow, and that's what he would fight to be seen as. It's just a shame that sometimes he sees Vincent's face when he looks in the mirror instead of his own.

You know?

[yakdee]

Ramblings on Only Friends Ep. 2

Part 1/4

Again, public declarations/proposals my be-loathed

Cheum is really just here for the vibes and her friends' happiness and I love her for that

JENNY!! I mean P'YO!!! AND HER MAN!!!

This confessional is giving Reality TV vibes and I'm here for it. Although the series is fiction, it is depicting the very real lifestyles of many people in the world and it's honestly so refreshing

See? Sand gets it ... so lame

Aww, Ray ... sweetie

I'm just properly looking at the intro and god everyone looks so hot

You are so right Cheum — there is nothing hotter than someone doing or talking about something within their area of expertise

Not Mew and Top being different sides of the same coin — they both like the challenge; let's see who gives in first

Seriously, can we get Ray some help :(

Mew putting that emphasis on "my friend" oof

Ah, so Top definitely knows that Ray likes Mew

The start of Sand and Nick's bestie era; we love to see it

Mew, you're really after my heart — to tell the guy who's everyone's type that he's not YOUR type *chef's kiss*

Yes, getting Mew is about the chase and conquest BUT Top is a little out of his element bc Mew stimulates his mind AND his lions; he really ain't gonna know what hit him lol

Ray, sweetie ... why are you following this man? At this rate, you're never gonna beat the stray cat allegations

Yo 10,000 Baht is 281.21 USD???! — I would do it too for a check lol

Part 2/4

Can't even focus on the heated make out etc. bc those horns/antlers behind Nick's head were a terrible accident waiting to happen *shudders*

Nick is already so gooooone I just-

With the level of game Boston is spitting, Nick really didn't stand a chance

I want Sand's messenger bag; wonder if it'll be merch

Oooo I love the way they filmed Sand walking into Ray's sitting room; nothing like a good one-take scene

Ray's mom ... that explains so much :(

I guess this wakeboarding park is the new BL spot; first Wedding Plan and now OF lol

GO APRIL!!

Oh no Cheum :(

I'm sorry but Top diving into the water was ... LMAOOO

Gdi Boston! STAND TF UP!!! Top's not gonna pick you and no dick is worth losing a friendship over

Part 3/4

Did Boston climb the shower wall bc how the hell???

Gotta find that post that talks about red (stop), yellow (slow), and green/blue (go) being prominent colors in Mew and Top's relationship because it's really evident in this episode, ESPECIALLY in this cookie scene

Look at my boi Mew setting those boundaries iktr

Mutual mast rep? We love to see it!

But seriously Nick, I'm gonna need you to run baby

Yooo Neo's body is insane; I'm looking respectfully

Can WE see the monstera? We love a good plant tour on this side of the internet

Leaving a hot girl to go home with a hot guy; Sand is winning either way esp considering this super playful vibe Ray is putting on

Part 4/4

Sleeping pills? AND a tragic backstory?

Ngl I thought he was lying too lol ... still kinda think he's lying, but I'll let it go for now

Okay maybe he isn't lying; look at the way he's holding Mew :'(

Is that Ray and Mew in the picture? And what's with the tense, sinister bg music? Whatchu plottin' Boston?

Pansexual rep? We love to see it!

As I said last week, lighting cigarettes as a form of foreplay

Who knew a cigarette smoke kiss could be so life-changing; I am a new person

That little voice in First's head must've been going crazy during this scene lol

AND YOU'RE GONNA KEEP WANTING ME??? IKTR

At this rate, Khaotung's tattoo needs to get a separate check for it's role in this series

Oh Sand, sweetie ... the fire started when you lit that cigarette and you started playing with it the moment you accepted that smoke-filled kiss *deep sigh* you're in too deep now baby (both literally AND figuratively)

Next week is gonna be insane; see you then :)

[cringecompanionapologist]

Okay WTF Happened at Brendon?

Just how much Turlough hated Brendon School is something of a running gag in both the show and eu media. It's usually part of a larger Turlough Hates Earth running gag, but that school seems to stand out. Of course he'd hate the planet he was exiled to, to some extant, especially the place he was exiled to, but I get a sense that returning to Brendon is somehow his Worst Nightmare, to the point that when he contacts Trion authorities to save the people of Sarn, expecting to be rearrested, he says that he doesn't care what happens to him as long as he isn't sent back to Brendon. This implies that he considers Brendon a potential fate worse than death.

It's always played as a joke, but it feels like Turlough's hatred of Brendon goes beyond his hatred of exile in general. I've been picking up on whatever hints are dropped as to why that might be.

Mawdryn Undead Novelization: Brendon School clearly sucks. The headmaster doesn't come across as particularly mean, but he's kind of an idiot who probably shouldn't be in charge of a school. I'm guessing this is a sort of satire of English public schools in general.

(Note how is priorities are 1. Sports 2. What I think is some kind of military thing 3. Academics)

So, the place generally sucks and probably isn't very good as a school in terms of actually educating children. Turlough is generally presented as non-athletic, not liking rugby or cricket (unless he's watching the Doctor play apparently), which probably put him on the bad side of the headmaster and the school as a whole.

Planet of Fire Novelization:

Both the serials and novelizations of Mawdryn Undead and Planet of Fire were written by the same person, so the portrayal of Brendon and Turlough's attitude towards it are consistent. When Turlough talks about Brendon being the worst place in the universe, we can actually see into his head a little:

So, more of what we get in Mawdryn Undead, really. Brendon sucks in a pretty mundane, stupid way. It makes sense that Turlough would hate the place, but not really fear it. Perhaps Turlough's hatred of Brendon wasn't supposed to come across as passionate as it did when multiple people wrote about it. Turlough is prone to melodrama, after all.

Enlightenment Novelization:

Enlightenment doesn't discuss Brendon in any detail, but I think some of Turlough's mindset is telling. There's a lot of emphasis on being bullied.

In this scene, Turlough is in an all-male environment with a shared sleeping quarters with bunks, a similar vibe to a boarding school. His initial fear of the sailors might come from seeing them as similar to potential bullies at school.

When making The Choice, Turlough is tempted by the potential wealth the diamond could bring making people not bully him.

So maybe it was about bullying. When we see Turlough at Brendon, we see him as the bully. He's a dick to Ibbotson AKA Hippo. But, a lot of bullies are bullied themselves. Ibbotson might be the only boy considered to be a bigger loser than him.

My headcanon from this would that Turlough, being not very strong, not an athlete, and also a literal space alien, so probably also a weirdo, was bullied at Brendon and it got bad. But the adults didn't do anything to stop it. They probably thought it would build character or that it was Turlough's own fault for not trying hard enough to fit in. So, he was left to fend for himself completely. While also being in a generally miserable environment. And an exile. Who fought in a war. And his mom died. He wasn't exactly okay to begin with.

This post will have a sequel discussing the references to Brendon in novels and short stories that I have screenshots of, since some writers felt the need to go into more detail about this stuff, but I'm not really sure if they should count or not.