#i thought it spoke a lot to the differences in how someone's home life affects their decisions

[green-cinnamon-stick]

Gwen Stacy: A Character Study

Spoilers ahead for Across the Spider-Verse

I started typing this in the tags of that last Gwen Stacy reblog and realized I had way too many thoughts on this to flood the tags with. Okay if you didn't read those tags, all I had said at first was that I had seen a lot of discourse about Gwen. Miles doesn't need to take her back, she's a bad friend, how dare she show up at the cookout knowing all she knew (lol that one made me laugh ngl), nothing too heinous but I didn't see a whole lot of forgiveness. Before I get in to this, I'm not excusing her behavior in the slightest. I just think there's a lot more to it than her being a bad friend to Miles. The whole movie, Miles is trying to make a point that he's not a kid. But...he is. The way the adults try to direct his life is juvenille and definitely make it seem like he's younger, but he is still only 15. He gets away with a lot cause he's still just a kid and he's still learning. Gwen doesn't get the same treatment and yet...she's only 15mos older. She's not years older like Hobie or even Peter B.. She's barely 16 herself. Now here's a girl who still blames herself for her best friend's death and who's dad blames her for her best friend's death (unknowingly). She befriends this kid who's just.like.her. Dad's a cop, he's new to being a spider, he's her age, and he too feels alone. But she can't get too close because she hurts the people she loves. She literally STARTS the movie explaining this.

When she finally reveals herself to her father, he turns his back on her. Now here's this group of other spiders who can travel to different dimensions freely and can provide her a fastrack ticket back to Miles. She asks Jessica to adopt her on sight. And that's before her dad even drops her, that's how alone she feels. She already feels like she doesn't have a home. So imagine her probable horror when she finds out that the new best friend she's trying to get back to, is the number 1 enemy of her new "family". He's the cause of a whole host of problems and she's forbidden to tell him. She can't go back home and she can't stay with Miles because she'll glitch without a watch. And she can't even use the watch because she's not supposed to see Miles at all. So what can she do, go back and have her dad arrest her? Or stay with the only people who understand her? They show us in multiple ways that she hangs out with Hobie the most. Now they want us to think there's something there and she probably has a small crush, but that's mostly just cause Hobie's kind of too cool not to have a slight infatuation with him. (And that's coming from someone who doesn't even like guys). But I like to think Hobie also is the only person who doesn't trust Miguel and doesn't really agree with "the plan". So she hangs with the one other person *besides Peter B, who doesn't hate on Miles. I can only imagine how insufferable Miguel probably is about it. So she finally gets an opportunity to be in Miles' dimension and the FIRST thing she does is go to him. Breaks all protocol, ditches her tracking device, and goes to hang out with her best friend.

Now this is the point in which I do believe she could've told him. Especially since the last time she lied, her best friend died. But we've seen Miguel can get unhinged. To a level even Peter B. didn't know he was capable of. She knows they don't like Miles. If she tells him and he goes to confront Miguel and he kills Miles, she's now caused the death of two best friends. If she tells Miles and Miguel finds out, and takes her watch, she's now lost any chance of EVER getting back to Miles not to mention she gets thrown back with her dad...who hates her. So she does what any 16yr old girl would do when faced with a lot of tough decisions....she lies (again), and she runs. First from the Spiderteam and then from Miles. She tries to do what Miles did and have two cakes, but she's bad at it. She's not designed to "break canon" so rule breaking isn't in her nature. I think there's actually a lot more to how much that drives who they all are as people. Which also explains why Miles simply doesn't get it. Even with Hobie, it's in.his.DESIGN to be an anarchist, ergo he's still following his own canon. But Miles doesn't have a canon. So none of his friend's actions are going to make sense to him.

I don't know. I think a lot of Gwen's decisions can be chalked up to "she's a 16yr old girl with her own baggage". She wants to see her best friend but it comes at a cost. A cost she pays for almost immediately when hanging with Miles is the reason the Spot gets even stronger and then escapes. She was supposed to be watching him but she impulsively went to go hang out with her best friend. Thus dragging Miles into the problem because he follows her. Her lying gets people hurt in so many ways. But if she had told Miles the truth, he still would've followed her. He has a thirst for knowledge and a need to help. He was always going to intervene when given the chance. Gwen's choices were between family or friends. Same as Miles. The only difference being, Miles considers them to be the SAME thing thus making the decision to choose, damn near impossible for him. He's close with his family but he can't tell them the truth, so he just needs friends who understand him. She needs both but she told her dad the truth and he turned his back, so if she tells Miles the truth....... She's been told explicitly that she can either have this new family who gets/wants her, or go back to her dad if she chooses Miles (who also gets her on a level that no one else does) but who she can't be with without risk of death by glitch....so she lies. And when she realizes she still has her dad, guess what her first act is? Going back to Miles. So should she have lied to him? No. But would telling him the truth have yielded different results? Honestly, I don't know. But I like to think no. Everything still would've happened, just differently. The Spot still would've gotten away and Miles would still go against Miguel to save his dad and stop the Spot. Unfortunately the only thing her lying did was put tension on their friendship, but she had no way of knowing if telling him would work in anyone's favor.

Now Peter B......I want to know if Miguel threatened him. Cause when Miles asks why he didn't come to see him he says the same thing as Gwen, "I couldn't". Miles doesn't really hear that. He hears "i had the opportunity to see you and I chose differently" but that's not what either of them said. I'm hoping they show us more of that cause there's a lot of power in the word "couldn't".

[limbus-limousine]

Keep saying this but I loooove how relationships are talked about and portrayed in Demian (1919). Like. To an insane degree that I can barely put into words. It bothers me how overlooked it is sometimes? People always have a tendency to shove fictional relationships into very cramped, defined little boxes and then fight over the plastic label.

The way relationships are seen in Demian is one of the main reasons why I hold this book so close to my heart, because it was the first time I saw my thoughts put into words that I could analyze and study. That and the whole premise of how growing up in a religiously oppressive environment disguised with love and purity will inevitably affect how you process your feelings toward others... Makes me relate to Sinclair a lot. And it feels like a gross oversimplification to restrict his feelings as platonic or romantic.

I've talked about how I see Demian and Eva as extremely related entities before, how they are essentially the same. But I think their distinction as physical characters is very useful for the storytelling and symbolism. As I see it, Demian (the book) is all about love. It's not just about finding love in someone else but also finding love in yourself, in what you do and where you are in your life. This might be more of a personal interpretation, but to me, Eva represents a very, very specific feeling, in a way it's a culmination, a point where you finally stop to think and say to yourself "maybe I am okay. This is what okay feels like to me". Freudian influence aside... The motherly themes hit me really hard for this very reason:

When I read how Sinclair slowly fell out with his family, it spoke of a very specific experience. A very specific realization. "This deal isn't that of a bad friendship or acquaintance. I won't have a second chance. Simply because of how I was born, where I was born, there are human experiences that I'll never be able to know, and I am powerless to change that", you cannot choose your family, your mother, right? It's what you get, and you see around you what could've been but never was, and it makes you feel weak.

That's why Frau Eva is such an important figure. Because that is when Sinclair finds his family again, in a way. Why should blood matter so much? Sure, there's a biological connection, it's also been studied that romantic relationships reach their "high" during their earlier days due to hormones and neurotransmitters, right, "love at first sight", but those will eventually cease production as all does. It is your choice to nurture that relationship and to cherish it, to keep and to care for it. Blood does not matter, home is a person and it's right next to me, right now. I think that is what Frau Eva is, as a whole. And allowing that feeling to coexist with the platonic and the romantic is very important as I see it. One of the main problems of this motherly dynamic is the power difference, what makes Sinclair struggle in his childhood is the constant sensation of being watched, of being subjected to severe judgement. Frau Eva is supposed to remove that factor, she listens and she welcomes any thought or idea, there isn't fear of rejection or punishment, that's what makes it feel "like home". That was, kind of, the last step to reach the fulfillment Sinclair needed. I see Eva as the "destination" of this whole thing.

And Demian, he is the journey. One of the biggest mistakes one can make is to dismiss the process and work that goes into an achievement, because it is important. There is no Eva without Demian, they are intrinsic by nature. And journey is something that never leaves you. Even when Sinclair reaches his destination, he never stops caring about Demian. He visits Eva and he visits Demian, even if he has to walk through horrible weather, he speaks of his dreams to them, and he sits at the table and eats with them. Because during your journey you gain so many things you never expected, and at the end of the road, they become part of your fulfillment and needs as much as the main achievement is.

What Sinclair obtains from Demian and Eva, and everything in between them, is a unique relationship, deeply fulfilling, trusting, reassuring, a place where you know you can come to, even when you're at your lowest. Eva capitalizes on the genuine care, nurturing qualities, but Demian, too is a mentor, although I find falconer to be a better comparison. He helps the sparrowhawk grow its clipped wings, but in turn, he shall not stop it from flying, only the bird itself can choose to return the falconer's affections. But at the end of the day, all the falconer wishes for is to see him take flight. Sinclair obtains everything: friendship, camaraderie, acceptance, relief of a deep rooted guilt, no judgement for his human desires, the care and trust he lost from his mother, and something to look forward to after waking up in the mornings.

At the end of the book, Sinclair is separated from both of them, as I've said, they are intrinsic. But of course, they don't fully leave. As I see it, the kiss being from Eva means that your achievement is and will always be a sweet thought. Something you hold dear, that you can think of to comfort yourself. But Demian is there to deliver it and to fix Sinclair's wounds because journey is experience. It is what strengthens you and gives you the tools to face future endeavors. And it feels safe... You are finally safe within yourself.

But what about the scary factor, though? Because that is present too in both Demian and Eva (which I happen to really enjoy, as well). As always, I think it's a balance. It's good to know fear, it's a human emotion like any other. But the fear that radiates from them is more... Animal-like. The fear Sinclair once felt was a deep rooted terror that was born from something divine. You're being watched. You're being judged. You're wrong. You're a sinner. That's scary. Because it's telling you that the danger comes from yourself. When you see a beast staring into you, you don't feel self conscious, you don't feel repulsed, you feel the most natural shape that fear has. Beautiful things are scary. A snake can be scary. The stars can be scary. But it's not their fault, and it's not your fault either, it's just how it's meant to be. Because all feelings —love, anger, fear, sadness— and more, they are all important, they are all natural. But natural feelings can be beautiful. Artificial feelings make you fear something you've never witnessed, they make your stomach churn at the thought of yourself and they make you cry for something you haven't done. And most people around you live holding onto relationships that are, fundamentally, held by artificial feelings.

That is... Most of what I interpret from this book. And, god. It feels more like the book read me and not the other way around. I think I've truly found a bigger respite in art thanks to this novel. I have wanted to see the same beauty in the naturally grotesque... Learn about myself until rotting, flesh, maggots become just as beautiful and full of meaning as spring rivers and flowering plains, and for anger and fear to turn into something I can love and cherish like I do my inner child. Although they, too, have surely grown up.

That's it. I wanna play toysssss

[tatsumessy]

Pretty Flower - {Neji Hyuga}

Part 2 to this (I’m sorry in advance/ major angst)

Laying down on the grass you stared up at the sky trying to focus on training but your mind kept going back to that night. Your fingers ghosted above your lips, face blushing each time a memory of the way he kissed you flashed through your mind.

“Y/n?” You flinched and sat up seeing the fifth hokage walking closer and smiling once she recognized who you were. “Fifth Hokage. It’s great to see you.” You spoke in a respectful tone quickly standing up and greeting her, she walked closer and to your surprise her arms engulfed you in a hug.

“What’s going on?” You asked patting her back awkwardly. “I just read your file. Prior to living here you’ve been through a lot…you’ve lost so many people. Is it true that you were on a mission when the fourth hokage died? And that you almost died on a recent mission?” You pulled away hearing her questions.

“I’d rather not talk about it Lady Tsunade.” She let out an exhaustive sigh then placed a hand on your cheek, “if you ever feel like talking then come to me, but for now I’m with holding you from missions.” “What?!” You stepped closer to try and protest but she held her hand up to stop you. “You have no one left. You’re being too lax with your life and I won’t have you killing yourself because you have no one to come back too. Use this time to heal and train. That’s all.” With that she walked away and the tears you were holding started to fall.

Out of pure frustration you punched a nearby tree as hard as you could with a chakra filled fist. You ended up taking out more than one tree but you didn’t care, the blood dripping from your hand didn’t force you to care either. Deciding to call it a night you were walking through the village towards your home with the tears kept blurring your eyes and you ended up bumping into someone.

“I’m sorry.” You said in a whisper gently patting their chest before walking away, it took another few minutes for you to get home but when you did it was like all hell broke loose. Continuous tears fell down your face as the impending feeling of loneliness crept onto you. She was right, you truly had no one…you were alone and you couldn’t do anything about it.

The only family you had died while you were laying around on a mission because you didn’t feel like coming home. And all your life you pushed away affection afraid to feel something more that what you’re used too. Pain. For the rest of the night you cried over things you had no control over.

~

“Has anybody seen Y/n?” Sakura asked walking up to the group, Naruto, Choji, Lee and Ten looked at each other and shook their heads no. “She’s probably sulking at home.” Shikamaru said taking a bite of whatever he was eating leaving the group confused. “What do you mean sulking?” Ten asked.

“Lady Tsunade told her she’s not allowed to go on any missions for a while.” “WHY??” Sakura sat up, “she’s being doing missions since she was ten…why would she stop her?” Choji contemplated. “Exactly. Do you guys know how injured she got during her last mission?” Shikamaru paused looking at the group who shook their head no.

“She almost died, she was in a coma for three months.” He finished his statement then stuffing some more food in his mouth, “No way, she said she liked the scenery that’s why she stayed.” “Lied.” He quickly responded.

“If that is true how come you’re the only one who knows that?” Naruto asked rubbing his chin in confusion, “Because, Tsunade made me go check on her whenever she stopped checking in. I’m the one who reported back to her.” The whole group went silent, after a few moments Neji who was sitting there silent stood up and left the area.

His feet took him straight to your entrance doorsteps. He thought it was weird how you ran into him a couple of days ago and didn’t even recognize that it was him, yes you had tears in your eyes but it was just different for him. It was weird, he was worried about you. More than worried, he was scared that you’d do something to yourself.

He knocked on the door and waited for a moment then knocked again and still no answer. Using his byakugan he found you in a room knees pressed against your chest and your face hidden. He knocked again and when he saw you didn’t even flinch he forcefully opened the door. You still didn’t move, he closed the door behind himself and quickly walked to where you were.

He stood by the doorframe watching you sit there crying. You didn’t even look up to see who the intruder was, you just sat there crying. Neji bent down and pushed his arms under your body to pick you up, he held you flush against his body and brought you to your bedroom.

Laying you down on the bed he was about to feel your forehead to see if you had a fever but you turned your back to him and silently cried. “Y/n-” “just leave Neji.” You harshly spoke voice cracking when you said his name, he stood there contemplating what to do. He’s never seen you this vulnerable, even when you came back from your mission to find the only person you ever really loved was dead. You never broke down, even after years.

“I never listened to you when we were kids so why would I do it now?” He could see you roll yours eyes but that didn’t stop him from pushing you aside and laying in the bed next to you. He pulled your blanket over your body then maneuvered both of your bodies to where you were cuddling up against him. “What are you doing.” You said trying stop your voice from cracking again but failed miserably, uncontrollable tears fell from your eyes once again. You hid your face in his neck and just basked in his embrace.

This was the first time someone ever held you, it was an unfamiliar feeling and your body just broke down. Neji was happy, he was happy that the dam you build was finally collapsing and that he was the one that was here for you. When your sniffles went quiet he glanced down noticing you fell asleep, you looked exhausted. Like you hadn’t slept in days, trying to keep quiet he laid you against your pillow and left you alone in your bedroom.

When you woke up hours later you were met with an empty bed, your face dropped tears prickling in your eyes again but stopped when you heard his voice. “Don’t cry again, I’m right here.” Neji walked into the room with a tray filled with your favorite foods and a couple of freshly picked flowers.

He set the tray down on your lap and then sat down in the chair that was positioned right next to your bed. “Thank you.” You said noticing how dark it was outside, “you’ve been asleep all day, I came in to wake you up.” You thanked him again and started taking a bite out of the food. Your cheeks started to heat up from how good it was, it had been so long since you had home cooked meals that your eyes glasses over.

“Don’t cry. If you want me to cook for you again just ask.”

That statement repeated in your head as you stood there in the rain infront of the tombstone with the small child pressed against your chest. “Neji…” the tears falling down your cheek were being masked by the rain, thankfully so that your daughter wouldn’t see her mother crying.

Your husband alway told you to be strong and to not cry. You weren’t alone anymore, he promised to stay by your side but he lied. If he was supposed to stay by your side then why were you and your two year old daughter standing infront of his grave right now wishing we could be have his home made curry…

[pha5ed]

Situationship || LifeSteal SMP

type :: mostly angst, small fluff

tw/cw :: none

members :: parrot, spoke

Parrot

Best friends that like each other

You two have been best friends for literal ages

The second you met you were inseparable

Everything you did, you guys did together

If one of you was seen without the other, people would ask “Where’s Parrot?” “Where’s Y/N?”

You would constantly get asked if you’re dating or not

Parrot and you would awkwardly laugh it off and say that you’re just friends and nothing more

But you always hoped that he would admit that he liked you too

Both of you knew each other so well that you already knew that a romantic relationship wasn’t the right move at the moment

Going to college, doing YouTube, family issues, and all of that was in the way of a possible relationship

But even though you knew a relationship would be hard to maintain, why not do it?

The tension between you two was growing more and more as you both got older

And also, you were slowly getting hurt from this tension

Seeing Parrot talk to other people made your heart twist in a way you didn’t know was possible

Your other friends would make comments saying things like, “If you wont take him, I will”

You’ve never felt a more gut-wrenching feeling than hearing that sentence leave your friend’s lips

Telling your friend she can’t have him would make you seem possessive and clingy

But telling your friend yes meant risking the chance of losing your best friend and crush

You thought you were completely alone and that it was a one sided relationship

But Parrot thinks the same exact thing

Every time he saw you with another guy talking, he’d instantly get the urge to drag you away

Although it was cocky to think, Parrot knew that no one would be able to compare to the chemistry you two have

He wants to confess so badly, to finally release all of the pent up emotions he feels

But he’s terrified of the idea of you rejecting him

He would never want to lose you as a friend, you were one of the best people in his life

One day, he will get the balls to confess

But right now, you two are basically dating but without a title or promised commitment

But you both know you’ll stay committed to each other :)

Spoke

Exes that are still friends

The idea of having beef with someone doesn’t sit right with Spoke

Your relationship didn’t end for awful reasons, just a lot of differences and outside issues

Of course, you two took space from each other after the break up

But randomly, Spoke sent you a message saying he wants to be friends and drop the awkwardness

You two shared the same friend group so your break up kinda made the group a bit rocky

He made it clear he doesn’t expect any forgiveness, kindness, or even a friendship but just enough courtesy to not be awkward with your friend group

You agree to what he said and the group slowly repairs itself

But as the group fixes itself and got closer, so did you and Spoke

At first you didn’t want to admit it, but you couldn’t help but fall for him all over again

He always made you cry from laughing so hard

Whenever you were a dollar or two short for something, he’d always pay the rest for you

He’d always save you a seat next to him whenever it was crowded

And if it was too crowded, he’d always give you his seat

You guys went from no contact to group hang outs to him walking you home

You’re not sure how he did it, but he snuck himself back into your life

He did everything he used to do when you two were dating, except without any physical affection

And you didn’t want to say it, but you missed the hugs, kisses, everything

How could he act like this was all so normal when he’s literally saying goodbye to your parents and your little siblings?

It got to the point where you needed to distance yourself from him or else you would fall too hard

You love Spoke, he was one of the kindest and funniest people you’ve ever met

But you were scared that liking him again meant that your friendship would be over

You missed him so much while you two went no contact, you can’t imagine having to relive that

So you both stick with this relationship, where you both act like you’re dating except with no title

It confuses the fuck out of the friend group but they accept it

Maybe one day you’ll date again or maybe you’ll realize it’s not the right time for you too

[denimbex1986]

'Actress Claire Foy is ready and braced for a lot of personal reactions to her latest film All of Us Strangers. Adapted from Taichi Yamada’s novel Strangers, writer-director Andrew Haigh’s emotional reimagining finds gay screenwriter Adam (Andrew Scott) working on a script inspired by a devastating personal tragedy: in the early ’80s, both his parents died in a car crash when he was just 12. Seeking inspiration, Adam travels back to his childhood neighborhood where he encounters his parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell) — not only still living in his former home but looking exactly the same as the last time he saw them.

DEADLINE: How did you first hear about All of Us Strangers?

CLAIRE FOY: It was actually three or four months before we started shooting. One of my agents, Billy Lazarus, had a very, very emotional response to it, and I knew that it was something quite special. Then I met Andrew [Haigh] and he’s just so open as a person, and unassuming about what he does, which is so encouraging because what he does is so tender and truthful and not precious in any way. I just thought, it’s going to be really special to be a part of this film.

DEADLINE: Did Andrew tell you whether your role of Mum was loosely based on his own mother? Or was it less specific?

FOY: I don’t know whether he was basing it on his mother or a generational group of parents who were the children of war babies in the U.K. And that’s quite a specific generation of people. You have a specific set of values and beliefs that have come out of the war generation about how they were brought up, what you do and don’t do, how you express yourself, what you talk about and don’t talk about. And then it’s like, someone like Adam is the fruit of those people.

I’m from a family where there’s a hell of a lot of women. I’ve got so many aunts in my family, so ‘mum’ became an amalgamation of the many different women in many different moments to me.

DEADLINE: When you knew that Jamie Bell was going to play your husband, did you spend some time with him to work on the relationship we see on screen?

FOY: Not really. I had never met him before in my life, and so when he signed up, I just knew that it wouldn’t be a problem. I think I have loved Jamie Bell since Billy Elliot, as everybody else in the world, and sort of feel a deep affection for him. He’s so engaged all the time, and his emotions are so close to the surface. It’s the most beautiful thing to see in a man that has such access to it all the time.

DEADLINE: It sounds like all the family moments between you, Jamie and Andrew were really natural to shoot.

FOY: I can’t really put my finger on what it was, but it was the coming together of three people who’d known each other a long time. And it was immediate. We were all there. We were kissing each other on the lips to say goodbye in that scene where we say goodbye. And it could have been a sort of weird thing where Adam is kissing his parents on the lips as an adult, but it just didn’t feel weird. It just felt so right. And I just don’t think you can fake things like that. I just think that’s incredible casting by Andrew [Haigh] in that he knew we’d all get on. But we’re also quite similar to Andrew, to the point where we had very little friction ever on set.

DEADLINE: Is it true that this is the first film where you’re not performing with an accent?

FOY: I was very much gunning for being Irish. My family is Irish, and I’ve always said I’m going to do an Irish accent in a film. There wasn’t a lot of prep time, but I was like, I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. So, I spoke to my friend who’s a dialect coach, and I went, “Here’s my Irish accent.” And he went, “OK, so the problem is, you speak with the accent of someone who lived in Ireland a hundred years ago and was a rural farmer.” I guess my accent was inspired by Barry, my granddad, who is 94 now [laughs]. But what’s so amazing about this film, is that it suspends everyone’s reality. Adam moved back to Ireland with his nan after his parents died, and hence he’s Irish and they’re not.

DEADLINE: The moment when Adam comes out to his mother is quite tough to watch. She doesn’t respond in a way that he hoped.

FOY: It’s not sentimental. Andrew Haigh had written it as complicated. I feel like Adam’s journey in the film is one that isn’t tied up in a bow. He has suffered a great tragedy. His parents died at the beginning of his adolescence. It’s terrible to lose to your parents in any way, but for Adam about to step out into the world, he doesn’t have them in a formative period of his life. That in itself is so heartbreaking.

It was really interesting being invited into that scene from a position of having the two Andrews talking about their own experiences. I think Andrew Scott didn’t want it to be a coming out scene. He didn’t want it to be that he had gone there to his mum’s house with the idea that he had to come out. Because he’s a man in his forties, and has an understanding of himself and his sexuality. There was no unresolved business there for him.

I didn’t want my modern sensibilities to get in the way of the fact that whilst everything she says is said dripping in love, he feels judged just by virtue of what she’s saying. I think it would short-change both the audience and the characters to make her say the right thing. I think it had to be that scenario where you had to see the difference in a time period that they haven’t had with each other.

DEADLINE: She’s also processing the information at the same time.

FOY: When we try to understand off thoughts and emotions, that’s when people get hurt because it comes out before you assimilate in your brain. I think she felt upset about missing so much out on his life. She didn’t know what his teenage years were like. She didn’t know what his twenties or his thirties were like. She didn’t know any of that. And then to have your son say something so fundamental about who he is, and she doesn’t know it, I think she’s deeply wounded by that and goes on the defense in a mundane way.

I felt a very strong instinct that she felt she was being criticized. Everything about who he was now as a person was an indication of how she hadn’t fulfilled her job as the mother properly. Everything is an exclusion from his life because she died. Because if she had lived, then she wouldn’t have a gay son. She would have a son who was married with twenty-five children and living in a house. It was really interesting because I genuinely felt like everything Andrew was doing was a criticism.

I also didn’t want to make her nicer. I didn’t want to make her say the right things. I wanted it to be truthful. I knew when I was shooting it that people would have visceral reactions to my portrayal of that person and they’re completely entitled to it. In fact, it is most truthful how these interactions go from what I have learned.

DEADLINE: Was there ever a scene that was even too much emotionally for you to be in?

FOY: The final scene in TGI Fridays with me, Andrew and Jamie. Sometimes something happens in a scene where you think it’s going to be one thing, you do all your prep, you have in your head what you think your character wants out of the scene and then an actor does something and it changes everything.

So Jamie just sat down and we did this bloody scene, and by the end, Andrew and I were just like howling, crying. All three of us were just bawling our eyes out and we were like, this is wrong. We shouldn’t be like this. It was really, really incredible. I suppose I believed everyone so much that I was just in there with them. And then at the end I just worship and bow down to them. That’s what I do.

DEADLINE: I have to ask, what is it like to have Andrew Scott climb into his parents bed in his childhood PJs?

FOY It didn’t feel weird. (laughs) The way Andrew was playing it was so childlike and I think me and Jamie have kids so were so used to that dynamic of, all right, come on in. The only thing about that was Paul Mescal was also in the bed because the scene then switches to Andrew being in bed with him at home. And so there was the added element of, “What’s going on here? I’m in bed with these three men. What’s happened to my life?”

DEADLINE: That’s a photo many people would like to see.

FOY: There is a photo! I’m hoping no one ever sees because I look like a competition winner and I could not be happier to be there. They look really cool and just like, “Yeah, whatever.” And I’m like, “Ahhhhhh!!!” It’s so embarrassing. No one’s ever seeing that photo. I’ll just have it for the rest of my life. I’m going to get it framed. (laughs)

DEADLINE: What is it like to work under the direction of Andrew Haigh?

FOY: He’s very similar to Sarah Polley, who I’ve worked with [on Women Talking]. Like Sarah, he doesn’t pretend to be the big all-knowing director. He often says, “I don’t know.” He’s very human and you feel like you’re genuinely having a conversation with him. I love how he picks up on little things you’re doing. He’s very observant. He’s also just a very kind person, very funny, very cynical, but also full of hope and love, and that’s made him a great director. As someone who is interested in human beings, I feel like he wants to get to the heart of most things in a truthful, honest way.

DEADLINE: The film is very subtle in its portayal of the ghosts that haunt Adam, and the way his denial of the past catches up with him.

FOY: There’s a scene in the film where Adam tells his new boyfriend Harry [Paul Mescal] about the fact that his parents died. And I think it’s the most brilliant piece of acting because it could be, “My parents died when I was 12.” But what he does is he says, “Oh no, it’s not a big deal,” because the trauma and the pain and the loss is so deep in his body, in his muscle, in his bones, he can’t touch it. He’s desensitized to it. This is what I’m projecting onto him in the film. He can’t access that, and the film is all about him attempting to access that grief in some way in order to be able to allow himself to love someone again.

I can think of nothing braver than losing someone you love and then being brave enough to try the whole thing all over again because what a terrifying concept that is. You have to live in denial or live every day knowing they could go, because either way, you can’t deal with it. It’s too much, that human connection. And it’s the one thing that makes human beings incredibly special is that we have the ability to do that.

To play the smells, the textures, the feeling of having parents — I think that’s what he misses his whole life. He didn’t have them, and then suddenly he has them, and he doesn’t want to leave them.

In the end, we’re all going to the same place. We like to pretend we’re not, but we’re all going to die. And inevitably it involves people being left behind. And that’s just the most incredibly painful concept, I think, of what it is to be alive.'

[alexiela73]

hi!!! im sorry if this might be a little bit of an odd request, but i just wanted to ask for a few (romantic) relationship headcanons with Hanzo! but if his s/o is gender-neutral and has multiple mental illnesses (namely autism, schizophrenia, DID, and anxiety!) i just want to know how you'd think he'd treat them 🥹 whether it's from like... the crushing phase -> the actual relationship phase 👉👈 I've just been struggling with a lot irl esp with my mental illnesses and hanzo has been a huge comfort for me;;; thank you sm in advance and again I apologize if this is such a weird request >< please feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfy!!! pls have a wonderful day ahead ^_^ /gen !!

So this is actually the second time I am writing this. My computer fritzed out on me AS I WAS TRYING TO POST IT. I apologize, as I’ve had to cut it shorter, it was SO LONG THE FIRST TIME and I spent forever on it. I hope it was what you were looking for.

Hanzo

The two of you met through Genji, who you’d become friends with after you both met at a local animal shelter.

Your friendship accumulated over the course of two years, and it wasn’t until two years later that you met his brother Hanzo.

At first, Hanzo was a bit standoff-ish, which was fine with you. Being around him was a bit difficult at first- his impassive face made it hard to know what he was thinking or feeling, and he always seemed intimidating. 

Genji though was determined for you two to get to know each other. He joked about Hanzo being incredibly socially awkward, and how he didn’t always seem to know how to fit in with this day and age.

You two actually started to open up a bit when you realized you had a few common interests, including urban myths and a select few video games. They were easy for you to talk about, flowing off your tongue excitedly as you spoke about your progress in Stardew Valley or how fun it had been playing Pokemon Legends of Arceus. Hanzo seemed to have no trouble following your line of thought, even as you cut from one game to the next.

The two of you gradually saw more and more of each other, till finally there was no need for Genji to be the middle man.

There were days he’d worry about your silence, and others where the two of you lose yourself to the simple pleasures of the world around you. Walks in the park, walking through the malls in the late evening when it was quietest.

He never seemed bothered when you said you needed a break, or that you were over stimulated. He was more then willing to find a quiet nook and either rub your back, get you a drink, or find something to help ease you out of the sensory overloads or anxiety attacks. He was good at keeping guard especially, and never rushed you and badgered you to calm down.

Although you knew it would eventually happen, he did finally ask about something Genji had mentioned to him-about you having autism.

He asked if it would be okay to talk about it, as he’d never spoken to someone with autism before. The fact that he was more curious then annoyed about it gave you hope.

While it made you a bit uncomfortable, you decided it was best to get it over with. You explained how you had been diagnosed from an early age and the impact it has had on your life growing up. How it affected your home, your friendships, your work and your passions.

It hasn't always been easy, you admitted. With all that came things like depression, anxiety- getting overstimulated easily sometimes or not being able to handle certain textures or sensory noises.

You explained it was different for everyone- the severity, the effects, the symptoms- the habits, the coping mechanisms, the limitations. You felt lucky, because there were so many things you could do that felt impossible for others.

Hanzo listened with such intensity, and you spoke openly for what felt like hours. He seemed to soak in all the words, absorbing it all and of course you told him he could always do more research.

"People with autism...can still have relationships though, right?" He asked, seeming a bit embarrassed. The question surprised you a bit. Hanzo was never one to ask such personal questions.

"Of course. It can be difficult sometimes...people sometimes assume that having autism means we're stupid or don't have the same kind of feelings or desires as other people. I know I want to date someday...I don't want to feel like I'm going to be alone forever for something I never asked for," you said, your voice quivering a bit. How often that thought consumed you...

"I see," Hanzo said awkwardly, before he looking down at you. "Then...would you consider possibly...erm. Would you consider going on a....date, with me," he managed to get out finally.

The question stunned you. "Date? Like, you want to go out with me? Romantically?" you asked.

Cheeks flushing faintly, he looked away and gave a hard nod. "Yes. Yes, I do," he says quietly.

You took a moment to think of what to say, what to feel.  You wanted to run, to crawl into the ground and hide. You felt ecstatic and overjoyed and overwhelmed and scared.

"...Can I think about it?" you asked finally. "I really need time to process it...I need you to think about it too. I have a lot of good days but my bad days...Some days, it feels like I'm suffocating. Like if I move, I might shatter. Like the world is clawing me down below the waves. And other days, I really just need to be alone. Touch is....is a lot for me sometimes. I can't just stop being me-"

"Don't stop being you," Hanzo says quietly. "I don't want to change you. You're different, and not just because of the disorder. I like you, y/n. I....I like you a lot. I want to try. I want to learn how to support you and to comfort you, and to be there when you need me. I just...want to be present."

Admittedly, no one had ever asked to be present for you like that. Your mood changes, being overwhelmed, stepping back and even your sensory issues were challenging for most people.

"I...Are you sure? What if it...becomes too much for you," you asked meekly.

"Then we talk. I value our friendship, y/n. I feel though I'd be doing us both a disservice by not being honest with you on my attraction to you. We can take all the time you need, go at your pace...just...just take some time to think about it, okay?" he said.

When Hanzo went home that day, you really took the time to think about it. To think about him, and whether there was any attraction, emotionally or physically to him. Whether it was worth it...

It took a week of thought, and ever patiently did he wait. When you finally agreed to try, that day you felt aflutter with hope. With happiness.

And as promised, you both took the time to talk. To build slowly on the relationship, to earn the trust of each other. Hanzo never made you feel bad about your worst days, never made you feel different for the way you spoke or the struggles you'd sometimes face.

He was an amazing partner, just the kind you deserved.

The kind who loved you, all of you.

[canirove]

Professor Rice | Chapter 7

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

Veronica’s POV

I was definitely overthinking my outfit but not as much as I was overthinking everything that happened at the gym.

The reason why I was so upset with Declan was that he went from always finding an excuse to talk to me, to almost avoiding me. I hadn’t done anything wrong, had I? No, I hadn’t.

But then, today happened. He almost sounded desperate to talk to me. And he looked so sad when apologizing to me. I shouldn’t care, I shouldn’t care... but I do.

I ended up wearing a dress I had forgotten I owned, and left my hair down so it could dry with a natural curl. And yes, I put on some of Jo’s perfume. Sue me!

I got to the cafe ten minutes early, but Declan was already waiting at the door. Well, someone’s eager to talk.

“Hey.”

“Hi” he said, looking up from his phone. “You’re early.”

“You’re earlier” I laughed.

“Yeah, well... should we go inside?”

“Sure.”

He opened the door for me and we ordered our coffees. Once we sat at the table, I noticed Declan seemed to be lost in thought. I had to be the one who broke the ice.

“So, you wanted to talk?”

“I did, yeah. Again, I’m sorry if my behaviour hurt you. I didn’t want that to happen.”

“Thanks. But that was my fault, you did nothing wrong.”

He looked at me surprised. “Why would it be your fault?”

“Well” I blushed. “I just got upset because my professor paid more attention to me than to the others, and then one day he didn’t. It’s so silly. I’m not a child anymore.”

“I had to, Veronica.” I could see how defeated he looked, and I just wanted to hug him. But I didn’t, because I was not supposed to do that.

We kept on drinking our coffees in silence until he spoke again.

“You know what it looks like, right? A young professor who spends a lot of time with one of the students…”

“That’s why you cut me off all of a sudden? So people wouldn’t think there was something going on between us?”

He finally looked me in the eyes and nodded.

“Well” I continued. “You could have told me. I know it was my fault, so I would have done things differently or…”

“Your fault?” he laughed. “It was me who kept on approaching you. What were you supposed to do? Stop attending my class?”

I… didn’t know what to say. So I let him continue. “Maddison came to talk to me and she casually mentioned how much I was helping you and I freaked out. I could get in trouble, yeah. But I’m the one who is in a position of power. I’m likely to just get a slap on the wrist while you might lose your scholarship. And I’d never forgiven myself if that happened.”

Wow, that’s a lot deeper than what I expected.

“I... um, I don’t know what to say, to be honest. I’m not sure I fully understand what you’re trying to tell me” I said to him. Is he telling me that he likes me? Or is it me who wants to believe he’s saying that?

“I like you.” Well, that clarifies it. “A lot. And I shouldn't but... here we are.”

I could only stare at him. Was this really happening?

“I…”

“And, I mean, of course, I want to spend time with you. You are the person I want to spend time with the most. But don’t tell Mason, he gets jealous easily.”

What? “Yeah, I won’t.”

Why couldn’t I read his face right now? He looked sad, excited and terrified all at once.

“Feel free to run away now” he said. “I know how creepy this is. But please, don’t quit my class. Don’t let my foolishness affect your life. I won’t bother you during class, and I’ll be fair about grading your work.”

“I won’t quit your class. And it’s not creepy.” Well, maybe a little, but we won’t tell him that. “And, I mean, I was upset about you not talking to me because I also like you and I…”

“You do?” he cut me off. Why did he look so surprised? Didn’t he have mirrors at home?

“I mean, half of the class probably had a crush on you, but I got to talk to you and I felt... I don’t know, like I knew you. And I was always looking forward to hearing you calling my name after class. And when you didn’t I... I didn’t know how to feel.”

His phone started beeping. A lot. “Sorry, that’s Mason. He wants to know how everything is going.”

“Do you tell each other everything or something?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” When he saw my face, he quickly added “Well, not everything... everything. But we’ve been best friends our entire life so we just worry about each other.”

“Jo and I are the same” I said with a smile.

“So, how much does she hate me for hurting you? Should I run if I see her?”

“Well…” I laughed. “You’re not her favourite person, no.”

It was then that he held my hand, and I was pretty sure even my toes blushed.

“What can I do to earn her forgiveness?” he said, looking at my face with the softest look I’ve ever seen on him. How can those eyes be even real? “And yours?”

Kiss me? Marry me? Have my children?

“Being honest and not playing with my feelings sounds like a good starting point.”

Also...kiss me? Too soon? Ok.

[wooziswonderfulworld]

Love is (not) in the air

Z realizes how different his love life is compared to his friends. Aka Z realizes he might be Aromantic

—————-

For as long as he could remember Aaron Z was different from his classmates, as a child he never had crushes on anyone like his peers did, when everyone was getting into relationships in high school he wasn’t

“Oh you’ll find someone” his mother told him when he was fifteen, then he was sixteen and still had no romantic feelings for anyone

“Maybe they just aren’t my type” he’d try and reason with himself but did he even have a type? He was sure he did, everyone had a type

Then he was joining a new boy band, 4town, by this point he was seventeen almost eighteen. He quickly learned that all four of them where very much into romance. Jesse, the oldest was engaged to the “love of his life” he’d met her, she was kind and her and Jesse made a cute couple

Then there was Robaire, who was fittingly born on February 14th, spoke one of the most romantic language ever fluently, and in general just loved the idea of romance (Z was certain he had a secret girlfriend)

Aaron T loved watching romcoms (much to Z’s displeasure), he was a huge flirt as well and would often flirt with Z but the slightly older boy couldn’t even tell that was what he was doing. No one ever flirted with him it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t tell

Tae Young was the biggest sap, he loved any romantic gestures, would constantly talk about finding his “one true love” would awe when he saw a couple showing affection to each other (something Z couldn’t stand seeing, he didn’t understand why couples had to be on lovey dovey out in Public, go home and do that)

“You’re just a hater” Tae Young told him with a laugh as they walked through the park

Z just shrugged, sure maybe he was just jealous because everyone seemed to be able to fall in love and he couldn’t “where you in a bad relationship and now you don’t like romance?” Tae Young asked bringing him out of his thought process, shaking his head he spoke up “never been in one”

Tae Young was shocked by this news “what!? But you’re like every, well a lot of, girls ideal type how are you single??” Z just shrugged “well did you have any crushes” again he shook his head “well I had fictional crushes..?” He muttered “that doesn’t count!” Tae Young Said laughing “did you find people attractive?” “I think so? But it only lasted a few days” he said rubbing the back of his neck

“Wow that’s so weird” Tae Young Said, Z sighed, maybe their was something wrong with him, he felt like this wasn’t normal, his lack in romantic feelings couldn’t be normal maybe he could start dating just to fit in, but he couldn’t waste someone’s time knowing he didn’t have feelings for them

He spent the rest of the walk thinking about himself, about how different he was compared to his friends how none of them could relate to him and how he felt

As they made it back home Z sat down on the sofa immediately looking away from the tv as the guys where watching some stupid romance movie “did you guys know that Z has never dated anyone ever!” Tae Young announced earning a glare from Z “really?” Robaire asked surprised “maybe it’s cause he’s shy, don’t worry man you’re still young you’ll find someone” Jesse said from his spot on the couch

“But do I need to be in a relationship to be happy?” Z wondered aloud “because I have no desire to be in one” Jesse paused thoughtfully “well I guess not but why would you want to be alone?”

“I’m not alone I have you guys” He said shrugging “well what about when we move into our own separate homes?” T asked now pausing the tv “um I don’t know; I kinda like the idea of being alone. I mean I guess the idea of romantic gestures doesn’t bother me but an actual romantic relationship doesn’t interest me at least right now and since I was a child” Z explained

The guys looked at him again trying to understand him. Z just sighed giving up and went upstairs to his room

—-

It was 2002 now, the band was doing amazing, they where the biggest boy band in the world at that point. Aaron Z was now 23 and still hasn’t been in a relationship despite what rumors people started

Unfortunately the guys had gotten really tired of him not showing interest in anyone, so what did they do? Starting setting him up with people

“I hate you guys” Z groaned “I don’t even know the chick”

“I told you her name is Amara she’s 23 so same age as you and she’s very friendly” Robaire said trying to decide between to shirts

Z just huffed and zoned out. Before he knew it she was there at the front door

“Amara hi! So good to meet you” Robaire said opening the door for her “this Aaron” He said pushing Z forward, he froze not really the best at suddenly meeting new people, especially if he was gonna go on a date with them “hi nice to meet you” she said, Z nodded softly “he’s shy and has trouble talking to girls so, we’re trying to get him out there” Robaire said

Z zoned out again, everything was a blur and he hadn’t realized they where halfway to the restaurant “you don’t talk much do you?” Amara asked making him turn red “sorry” he muttered “it’s okay I get it you’re shy”

Z looked at her, she was very pretty but he still felt nothing, but they barely talked, maybe it would change…

Nope.

The drive back was silent, Z felt absolutely nothing for her. Even when she flirted with him he just responded with “okay” and “thanks” when she complimented him on his physical appearance all he said was “I know” because he couldn’t think of anything else

“Sorry” He muttered getting out of her car and walked to the front door as she drove away. That was the sixth date he’d been set up on and still he felt nothing

He opened the door ignoring the members and went to his room going on Google and typing something into his computer

“Why can’t I fall in love?” He typed searching for an answer

After a while he found something “aromantic?” He muttered reading into it, it felt like everything was clicking, this was it. Aaron Z was aromantic and there where so many people just like him who could relate just like he could

T burst in making him slam his laptop shut and turn towards him “did it not go well?” T asked him. Z shook his head “well I found this-“ “T stop” Z Said shaking his head and handed him his laptop

T raised a brow but opened it seeing what Z was reading “Aromantic?” He asked Reading about it “Aaron are you aromantic?” He asked curiously “I think so? I mean everything seemed to click for me when I read it”

“So setting you up on dates is pointless?” T asked making Z nod “probably” He said, T smiled and hugged him “I’m glad you’ve finally figured yourself out” he muttered

“Thanks T, so am I”

[alleanut]

— Allen Moore

TW: Death ⋆ Suicide

I. INTRO ⋆ II. EXTRA ⋆ III. RELATIONS ⋆ VI. PAST

————————— I. INTRO

AGE: 17 SPECIES: Human GENDER: Male SEXUALITY: Heterosexual ETHNICITY: Swiss

-—————-————— I.I Personality

——— POSITIVE TRAITS Hard working ⋆ Charismatic ( kind of ) ⋆ Humble ⋆ Humorous ——— NEGATIVE TRAITS Competitive ⋆ Rude ⋆ Argumentative ⋆ Low self-esteem

-—————–———— I.II Appearance

————————— II. EXTRA

PRONOUNS: He / Him NICKNAMES: Ali BIRTHDAY: December 1st ZODIAC SIGN: Sagittarius OCUPPATION: Teenage model LIKES: Smoking, Baked goods especially cake, Coffee, Styling his hair and fits, Collecting toys DISLIKES: The pain from his bruises, Not being perfect, When people take pity on him LANGUAGES: German, Romansh, English

—————— III. RELATIONS

————————————— III.I Family

MOTHER: Yael Moore FATHER: Mathias Moore, Greed Harrisburg ( father figure ) OLDER BROTHER: Liviu Moore

——————————— III.II Romantic

CRUSH: Jainaba Dukureh

——————-————— III.III Platonic

CLOSE FRIENDS: Itachi Kobayashi, William Isaac Henderson, Hansuke Yaoyorozu

————————— VI. PAST

——————————— VI.I Childhood

Allen was Liviu's younger sibling. Yet, his parents made it clear from the start who they preferred, and it wasn't Allen. He grew up in a home where he was not given attention, which led to him getting himself in a lot of trouble, a desperate attempt to make his parents notice him. However, no matter what he did, they didn't even bat him an eye. He lived in a home where they did not see him. One day, Greed was introduced to him as Liviu's boyfriend, and he was also the first person to actually notice him. Since that day, Allen grew very fond of Greed, but he refused to show him any adoration, afraid that he'd only be ignored if he would ask to spend time with him or even simply talk to him. He would feel like he was on his knees begging for him to simply just look at him.

———————— VI.II Early Teenhood

Allen had returned from school, to a home that only felt like a house. As he opened the door, his eyes immediately saw the gruesome scene in front of him. His perfect older brother who was loved and cared for, had taken his own life. He couldn't even begin to understand, his emotions completely taking over him at that moment. Liviu seemed happy and most importantly he was loved, what had pushed him to end his own life? Through his shock, he managed to contact his parents. The days leading after Liviu's death were quiet, filled with tears. His parents were the ones most affected, after losing their boy, they could not deal with their other son. The people who shared his blood had left him, they had moved away, away from him. Greed couldn't even wrap his brain around everything that happened, but since Liviu was no longer around, he wished that at least his younger brother would be taken care of so they wouldn't share the same fate. He took Allen into his care, in hopes of making his late boyfriend be a little more at peace.

———————— VI.III Late Teenhood

Allen lives with Greed, who's constantly trying to take care of him. Baking cakes, asking about his day, caring for his bruises. It felt strange, he wasn't used to someone doing anything for him. He'd rather just spend his time modeling and smoking in the alley behind his agency. His shoots were filled with all different types of clothes and make up. However, not everyone took a liking to that, which led to Allen getting beat up from time to time. He took the violence that was being inflicted onto him, as he felt like he deserved it. He feel like he deserved to be loved, he thought he deserved to be hated. Yet, Greed did not hate him, he was far from hating him. No matter how much Allen yelled at him, blamed him for Liviu's death, ignored him and spoke rudely to him, Greed would never fail to act kindly towards him.

—————————— VI.VI Adulthood

COMING SOON...!!

LINKS: Picrew credits to モロツヨシ

[deadlymistletoe]

Men and Flowers

Pairing: Dwalin x human!F!Reader

Genre: Angst/fluff

Description: Insecurities creep up on Dwalin when he sees you with a young, human man. How could you ever want a dwarf like him compared to that? Little does he know, there's only one person you want, and it’s not the human man.

Warnings: None

Word count: 2080

It started when Gandalf convinced the company to stop for supplies in a little human town on their way to the mountains.

Well, technically it started as soon as Gandalf introduced you to the company. He’d always thought that if he found his one it would be a darrowdam with a long, thick beard, but no. Instead he felt a warm rush of feelings he wouldn’t admit to having when you, a very beardless human lass smiled at him.

Thorin would never let him live it down if he found out.

So here he stood, with the other dwarves, watching as you spoke to a lad running a market stall filled with fresh fruit and flowers.

The humans weren’t used to seeing dwarves (or hobbits) in their town, so naturally, you had been chosen to do the shopping and communicate with the humans while Gandalf had disappeared off to who-knows-where yet again.

Dwalin could feel a frown creeping up on his face as you laughed at something the young man said. The man was around your age, he could tell, and he was everything a dwarf wasn’t. 

His light brown hair was neat and tidy as it hung around his face, and he had less of a beard than Kili which was saying something. His face was scar and tattoo free, without any signs of living a hard life, and he clearly knew how to make a girl laugh.

You had lingered at the store longer than you needed to, admiring the bright flowers as the man chatted easily with you, and now Dwalin was scrutinizing things he wouldn’t have had you been anyone else.

The man certainly wasn’t bad looking when it came to humans, and Dwalin’s mood soured even more as you smiled, accepting a single periwinkle blue flower from the boy who was clearly trying to charm you-and succeeding. 

Dwalin was knocked out of his brooding when someone nudged him in the side, and he turned to see Thorin looking at him knowingly.

“You're glaring. If looks could kill the lad would be dead ten times over.” Thorin’s voice was low, if slightly amused, to keep the others from hearing.

“Am I?” Dwalin muttered, glancing back at where you were slowly making your way back towards them.

“I don’t think you could be more obvious if you tried.” Dwalin sent a scowl at his friend for his offhand comment.

“Can’t you point out the obvious elsewhere then?”

All Dwalin received in reply was a shrug as Thorin moved away towards his nephews, most likely to break up their bickering before they began tussling on the ground in front of the humans.

~

That night Dwalin let out a quiet sigh as he leant back against the rock he sat by, his pipe in his hand as he took the first watch.

He knew it shouldn’t bother him, but his mind kept going back to your smile at the human man. 

For the first time in his life, Dwalin was feeling something he’d never felt before; insecure.

Then again, since he met you, he’d been feeling a lot of things he’d never felt before. He’d never wanted to win someone's love and affections before.

In Erebor, and Ered Luin he was built like any other dwarf; stocky and strong with scars and tattoos that would only be admired. But it was different now. You were a human, so wouldn’t you prefer a human man? Someone tall enough to kiss the top of your head, without any scars or imperfections that other human women would frown upon.

And don’t even get him started on building a family. He didn’t even have a home, or a job. He couldn’t offer you any of the stability required to start a family, or even just make sure you had a safe, warm home to go back to every night. Besides, he was way too old for you being 169 while you were only in your twenties.

Surely a young human man, your own age, in a peaceful village with a stable job would be better suited to give you these things, to have a human family with.

Dwalin didn’t even have the resources to make you a courting bead, let alone gift you the jewels you deserve.

Dwalin winced, thinking back on how he’d treated you when you’d brought back the supplies. He’d been rash, still sour from seeing you with the young man, and given you nothing more than a displeased grunt when you tried to speak to him, brushing you off. And he’d still had a scowl on his face too.

He’d seen the hurt and confusion in your eyes before Fili and Kili had whisked you away to see what you’d bought. Even Thorin had given him a raised eyebrow once you were out of the way.

It had only given him a small bit of satisfaction when you’d handed the flower to a blushing Bilbo whom he knew you had no romantic interest in rather than keep it for yourself.

As he lay down on his bedroll (he noticed you’d put yours further from his than usual, and therefore closer to Thorin of all people) after waking Ori for his watch, he promised himself he’d make it up to you, whether he had a chance with you or not. The least he could do was have your friendship.

~

It was the next afternoon, when the company was setting up camp and you went to collect mushrooms from a small patch you’d seen earlier that Thorin nudged him.

At his questioning look, the king nodded towards where you’d disappeared into the forest. “She shouldn’t go alone. We don’t know what may be following us.”

Surprisingly, after the initial cold treatment, Thorin had warmed up to you. Maybe it was the dwarven instinct to be protective of their women as there were so few, but the king, and the rest of the company, had silently agreed to make sure you came out of this alive and as unscathed as possible.

Dwalin glanced at where you’d disappeared before picking up his axe and nodding, following your path into the forest, only pausing when a patch of delicate purple and white flowers caught his eye.

~

You hummed quietly as you crouched down on the forest floor, using your small dagger to carefully cut mushrooms from the patch growing and tuck them into the small bag that hung across your body. They would go nicely in the stew Bombour was going to cook that night.

You thought back to the previous day. It had been nice to stop in the town, seeing other people for a change. The dwarves and Bilbo had certainly grown on you, but they were all men and you hadn’t seen anyone else for a while, so it had been nice to see some other people, and the fresh groceries were worth it.

The only thing, or rather person, that confused you was Dwalin. When you’d first met, he was silent and said next to nothing, but you’d thought he’d been warming up to you.

He was happy to answer your questions, and even took the time to teach you to fight after the troll incident. He smiled at you sometimes, and you’d taken to sleeping not far from him, feeling safe with the warrior nearby.

You knew, if you’d been talking to a group of human girls like those you grew up with, you all would have been giggling over your crush. Because that’s what it was. A crush that was strengthening every day, and you were sure that by the end of the journey you would be fully in love with Dwalin, whether he cared or not.

But between visiting the town, and leaving it, something had changed. You weren’t ignorant. You had seen the glare he’d been giving you while you were at the final stall, and seen the scowl he’d been wearing when you’d tried to talk to him after and he brushed you off with an annoyed grunt.

He hadn’t talked to you since then, and the last night you’d even moved your bedroll away from him, lest he not want you near him and get annoyed.

You let out a harsh sigh as you put your dagger back in your boot and stood up.

“You sound frustrated.” You spun around, hand going towards the hunting knife strapped to your waist before you saw who had spoken.

Dwalin. You stiffened. “You startled me.”

The dwarf stood in front of you, leaning against a tree, axes strapped in place on his back. “That was not my intention. Thorin sent me to make sure you were alright.”

Well there went any hope he’d come because he wanted to. “Of course he did.” You headed for the path back to the camp, intent on ignoring him.

“Y/N.” You would have kept walking but a strong hand caught your arm, forcing you to stop. You huffed, refusing to look back at the dwarf.

There was a moment of silence, which you were about to break when Dwalin spoke. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you upset with me.”

You turned around, surprised. “Upset with you? I thought you were the one upset with me, although I can’t figure out why.”

The dwarf shook his head, suddenly looking sheepish. “I wasn’t upset with you. I had no good reason to be.”

You furrowed your brows, confused. “But you were glaring at me. At the market. And then you seemed annoyed.”

Dwalin looked surprised. “You noticed that?” Before you could speak he continued. “I wasn’t glaring at you. Not really.” You were about to ask just who he was glaring at then but he rushed on. “It was the lad. The young man serving you. He was flirting with you…”

You tilted your head. Yes, he’d been flirting with you, but you really weren’t interested. You much preferred a certain dwarf. “So?”

“So I was…” Dwalin broke off, looking to the ground. Flustered, you realized. “This is stupid.” He mumbled quietly.

He threw a bouquet of purple and white flowers you hadn’t realized he’d been holding behind his back to the ground at his feet.

You don’t know why it hit you then, but you blinked as you stared at the fallen flowers, realization washing over you.

“Were these for me?” You crouched down as you spoke, gently picking up the bouquet and brushing dirt off the petals. As you stood back up you noticed that the leather strip holding the stems together was the one Dwalin usually wore on his wrist, occasionally using it to hold his hair back.

You looked questionably at Dwalin who looked embarrassed as he watched you examine the flowers. “Like I said… It was stupid. I shouldn't have even hoped…” He paused, taking a breath. “You don’t have to say anything, lass. I get it.”

“Get what?” Did the warrior not realize he was making your wishes come true?

“You’re better off with that human man. He’s your own age, he’ll be able to give you a family… he’s not old, and scarred like me. You can’t tell me he’s not the ideal man every human woman in her right mind would hope to marry.” 

You took a breath. You never thought you’d see this. Dwalin was insecure… because of a human man. 

A rush of boldness hit you. “Then I guess I'm not in my right mind. Because I’d much rather marry you. Yes, he was sweet… but I much prefer strong, grumpy dwarves with lots of tattoos.”

The expression he gave you only made you continue. “I don’t need a house, or promises of a family. I want to be with someone because I love them, human or not, wealthy or not, it doesn’t matter.”

His expression grew more hopeful, although you could tell there were still doubts.

“I want someone who picks me flowers because they make him think of me. I want you Dwalin, can’t you see that?”

He moved closer, his voice rumbling as he brushed his fingers against your cheek. “I think I see it now.”

You smiled softly. Finally.

“Kiss me?”

“Of course. As many kisses as you want.”

~

And that night, when Dwalin set up his bedroll right next to yours and put his arm around you, the last thing you heard as you drifted off to sleep was his whispered words.

“I love you, Y/N.”

If you wish to join my taglist to be notified when I post new fics, click here. For my Tolkien Masterlist, click here. For my Main Masterlist, click here.

[the-letter-horror-lover]

The Anarchal Initiative

Cherumie

Summary:

Oblivious to the inner conspiracy at dispatch due to her relationship with her boss, Grelle Sutcliff is thrown into a life changing mystery involving indivisible corpses, haunting figures, and impatient demons.

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Notes:

Remember when I said I'd post more? Here's my first actual story! Who knows how many chapters it'll end up being, but I plan to make it lengthy.

This idea came to me in a dream and I immediately wrote almost three chapters as soon as I woke up at 6am. I'll post more as I write them :)

Chapter Text

"Good morning, Will!" Chirped Grelle Sutcliff as she walked into dispatch at 7:00am sharp. She was supposed to arrive at 6:00 like every other reaper, but her superior knew better than to expect punctuality from her at this point.

"Sutcliff." He droned, obviously in a bit of a mood despite the emptiness of his coffee cup. William handed her a folder with her daily duties inside and she took it just as she did every other morning.

"Can I expect a visit from you in the later hours today, my prince?" She cooed while batting her lashes at him.

"Don't say that as if it's ever happened before. Someone might hear you and misunderstand." He waved her off and got back to his own work. She apparently took mercy on him this particular morning, and headed towards the door. But before she touched the handle, she hesitated, and spoke once more.

"Hey, Will?"

"Mm."

"Wait for me after work? I have something to give you." She said, uncharacteristically quiet. William spared her a glance and found her still facing the door as if she didn't want him to see her face.

"Sure." He said, simply. She beamed at this, looking over her shoulder and giving him one last smile.

"I'll see you then, darling!" She finally turned the doorknob and finally left him to his work, a noticeable skip in her step. William smiled to himself when he was by himself again. He wondered what she was planning to give him and dearly hoped that it was work appropriate.

Grelle smiled as she walked to her desk, greeting everyone she passed along the way. Today was a special day! One might've thought she'd be depressed that William had forgotten about their anniversary of becoming reapers, but she expected this. She knew her man cared, he was just so swamped with work that he couldn't be bothered to remember dates like this. It went like this every year; him forgetting, her surprising him, him giving her a different kind of gift in return that night in apology for forgetting. Grelle was beside herself with excitement. She had picked out just the perfect gift this year too! But the fun had to wait for after work. She had promised Will since they had started dating to take her work seriously because it was important to him. Just like affection and romance, inside or outside of their home was important to her. Her and Will were opposites in a lot of ways, but they really did love each other so they made it work. Speaking of work-

Grelle sat down in her plush red office chair and took a quick look through the day's reaps. A few hungry children, a few old men, a robbery gone wrong- nothing new. It seemed as if the day would go smoothly for her so she could have her night with William and she silently thanked god for this. The last thing she needed today was trouble.

Her first real was in 2 hours time, so she figured she might as well go ahead and find the poor thing before they expired. It was always better for a reaper to observe their target a bit before their death. The longer the better. It wasn't required, but she didn't have anything better to do and was too antsy to just sit around her office for a few minutes. She headed to general affairs to retrieve her deathscythe.

"Hey, Senior!" Called Ronald from across the room as she was walking. He fell into step with her and put his hand on her shoulder, giving her a playful look.

"What're you so perky for? Got a date tonight?" He teased.

"As a matter of fact," she said, giving him a wink, "I do."

Ronald, impossibly full of energy at this hour, threw his hand in the air.

"No way!" He exclaimed, earning a few glances. When she didn't play along he became more serious.

"Wait really?"

"Mmhmm~" she trilled, placing one finger on his lips. "But I can't say more than that, dear. It's a secret affair."

Ronald blew air at the finger as they approached one of the General Affairs windows. Grelle signed her name on the clipboard and handed it to the woman behind the glass, who pushed her chainsaw through the hole between them without a word. Ronald did the same. She cradled her scythe as if it were a baby as her Junior picked up his own scythe. Ron gave her a look.

"Well, I won't tell the boss if you keep you-know-what a secret."

Grelle rolled her eyes.

"Yes, yes, for the hundredth time, I couldn't care less about your women problems. Your secret remains safe with me."

"Thanks, Senior," Ronald gave her a charming smile & turned towards his office. "Welp, I'd better get going. See you."

Grelle waved at him and headed towards the human world for her first assignment of the day.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Notes:

I decided to post chapter 2 early since the first one was so short and uneventful. Enjoy :3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Young Master, a letter has arrived.” Said the butler named Sebastian Michaelis as he stepped halfway into his master’s office. Ciel looked up from his work.

“I’m guessing it’s important if you’re bringing it to me personally.” He sat back in his leather chair and beckoned his butler inside. “Go ahead and read it to me then.”

Sebastian stepped inside, and retrieved a nearby letter opener. He broke the wax seal on the envelope and retrieved the letter inside. He read it aloud:

“‘Greetings to my dearest little boy,

I’m afraid that something terrible has afflicted this country once again. Several corpses have washed up in the country from men and women who bear wounds incapable of being inflicted by modern weapons. Not only that, but they are unidentifiable. Their faces are unharmed, but not even the royal family’s ties can place their names or families. The most concerning part is that they cannot be autopsied. Their bodies simply do not yield to any blade, no matter the size or sharpness. I am not sure if they are human. Please investigate this matter and put a stop to these indivisible corpses.

With Love, Queen Victoria’”

“Indivisible corpses…” muttered Ciel, thinking. He looked at his butler. “Have you ever heard of anything like this?”

“I assume you suspect my kind? Demons are able to form their bodies to be impervious to human metals, but once they die they turn to ash I’m afraid.” He said with a vague look of discomfort. “There’s only one other species I know of that is immune to normal weapons. You are very familiar with them at this point, young master.”

“Reapers..” He mumbled. He then stood up. “Sebastian.”

“Yes, my lord?”

“Prepare the carriage. We’re going to pay a visit to him.” He said with a grimace.

Senastian placed a hand over his chest and bowed.

“Indeed, my lord.”

The carriage came to a stop in front of a small shop with a sign on the door that read ‘UNDERTAKER’. Sebastian stepped down and opened the door for Ciel, who took his butler’s hand as he came out. He didn’t bother knocking, simply inviting himself in with an air of nobility.

“Undertaker!” He called to the darkened room. Even for someone like him, the shop was eerie. Cobwebs clung to nearly everything, several coffins lined the room and covered the floor, and the scurrying of rats could be heard not far away. Everything seemed to have a creepy glow about it.

Suddenly, the candles in the room lit up and a creak came from one of the coffins as it slowly opened.

“Ehehe, welcome, Earl.” Came the familiar voice of the Undertaker. “I’d been expecting you~”

He finally stepped out and revealed pink fleece pajamas and a nightcap.

“Though, admittedly, not quite this early.” He hid a snicker behind his hand, which turned into howling laughter at the look on Ciel’s face.

“Why you,” Ciel started, then exclaimed, “Put on some proper clothes!”

Undertaker wheezed and kept on, but dutifully retreated to his back room to change. When he came back a few minutes later, he was wearing his usual outfit and top hat, and carrying a tray of tea.

“So what brings you here, My Lord?” He snickered and handed the Earl a beaker of tea.

Ciel reluctantly accepted it and found a coffin to sit on..

“Don’t play dumb. You know why I’m here.”

Undertaker smiled at him.

“I suppose I do. Normally, this is the part where I ask for a laugh, but I suppose that’d be unfair wouldn’t it? Heehee~”

Ciel glared at him.

“Enough of this. What do you know about the indivisible corpses?”

“Indivisible corpses, huh? A rather fitting name, I think. Bodies showing up with no life, no names, and no one to mourn for them. I was actually given one myself due to my many connections. Would you like to see?” He smiled eerily. Ciel remained unfazed.

“Show them to me.”

“Very well,” He said, “But I’ll need you to step aside for me first.”

Ciel got up and found with barely concealed horror that his suspicions of there being corpses inside of the coffins were correct as Undertaker opened his seat up for him. He peered inside and saw the body of a woman with chestnut brown hair falling to her mid back and a pained look on her face. She was wearing a familiar suit, round, purple spectacles, and gloves. Her throat had been slashed.

“I suppose you weren’t able to perform an autopsy either?” He said. Covering his nose.

“Nope, not even a nick. It’s strange to me, though, because her throat seems to have been cut wide open, but my sharpest scalpel doesn’t phase her. Veery strange, indeed.”

Ciel took a step back.

“I've seen enough. Come, Sebastian.” He began towards the door. Sebastian followed wordlessly. Undertaker chuckled and waved after them.

Once they were outside, Ciel spoke.

“So that was…” He trailed off.

“Definitely a reaper.” Confirmed Sebastian. “This might just be beyond us, young master.”

Ciel grimaced and got back inside of the carriage.

Notes:

Please comment~!

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Grelle sat boredly on a rooftop as she watched her first assignment. She really shouldn’t have come straight here. It was just a kid dying from hunger in an alley, nothing interesting in the least. She read her ledger again in an attempt to stave off her boredom. It said: ‘Elijah Brown, born April 22nd 1881, death by starvation on July 2nd 1889.’ She seriously doubted she’d have any special remarks. This one was a snooze fest. 20 minute later and at last, it was time for the little thing to go. She hopped down to land right beside the boy and barely nicked him with her scythe. Just as she expected, the cinematic record was dull as well. What she didn’t expect, however, was a sneak attack from behind.

The immediate presence of someone behind her was the first thing she noticed. The second, a hand around her mouth, and the third, a sharp blade cleanly slicing her throat. She barely even had time to react before she was harshly shoved to the ground, and didn't even bother to see who her attacker was as the presence was now gone, as quickly as it had appeared. She grasped her throat as she bled out onto the pavement, only one thought in her mind as her consciousness faded: she was going to die.

Ciel was thinking about the corpse he saw in Undertaker’s shop when the carriage suddenly came to an abrupt stop. He looked out the window to see what was going on, only to see Sebastian hop off and walk into a nearby alley. What did he think he was doing? Ciel opened the carriage door and chased after his butler.

“Oi!” He called out as he approached him, but stopped when he noticed the familiar mass of red his butler was kneeling beside. Sebastian turned to him.

“Grelle Sutcliff!?” He exclaimed.

“Another indivisible corpse?” Ciel guessed, motioning towards the body.

“Not quite,” said his butler, “It is still alive, but not for long without assistance. What would you like to do, my lord?”

Ciel paused in thought, considering his options.

“Bring him to the manor and save him.” He decided. Sebastian complied with an unreadable look on his face.

The ride home was quick, but not inhumanly so. Sebastian had laid Grelle down across from Ciel, who wondered if he was really alive. His eyes were closed, he wasn't breathing, and he had the same pained expression as the corpse from earlier. Sebastian had better not let this reaper die on them.

They arrived at the back of the manor and Sebastian opened the door once more. He picked Grelle up.

“Apologies, my lord, but I must act quickly if this thing is to live.” He said quickly and left Ciel alone for the time being.

He used his demon speed to carry Grelle to one of the guest rooms. He made quick work of her vest and shirt, then assessed the damage on her throat. It was a clean cut and would be extremely easy to close up. He went to the washroom and procured a needle, thread, and bandages, returning to Grelle with them in tow. He quickly sewed up the wound and cleaned the area. He then gently lifted Grelle’s head so he could wrap her throat in the bandages and set her back down onto the pillows.

After he was done bandaging her he felt her wrist for a pulse and found a small beat. It was faint, but it meant that she would survive. She still wasn't breathing but he knew that wasn’t an issue for her kind. After making sure that she was okay, he began gathering the sheets and Grelle’s clothes to clean and replaced them with new, clean sheets and one of Meyrin’s sleeping gowns. Grelle would live, but he wondered if she would ever be able to speak again.

Satisfied with his work, he quietly closed the door behind him and turned his attention to Finnian, Meyrin, and Bardroy, who were watching him with curiosity from afar.

“You three.” He addressed them, which caused them to jump and then come before him, worried expressions on their faces. Finny must have seen him when they arrived and told the other servants that something had happened. Meyrin spoke up first.

“Mister Sebastian, are you alright? You’re covered in blood!” She squealed. He looked down at himself and noticed that he did indeed have a bit of blood on his sleeves and chest.

“It isn’t my blood. Listen here, everyone." He clapped his hands and the three servants straightened to attention. "We have a guest who is injured staying with us. This isn't a normal person, so I will be taking care of everything. None of you are to enter this room under any circumstances, is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!" They said in unison and then dispersed to their respective duties.

Sebastian sighed and turned back to the door to lick it just in case. The last thing he needed was for one of those buffoons to interfere.

Ciel had just gotten back to work when Sebastian entered his study once more.

"The reaper will live," he said calmly, "but I am unsure when it will wake up."

Ciel acknowledged him with a hum.

"I suppose we have no choice but to wait until he wakes to question him. Sebastian, prepare me some sweets."

"Yes, sir." He said with a bow.

William was beginning to worry. It had been nearly an entire work day and no one had seen Grelle all day, save for Ronald Knox who confirmed that she had at least gone out for her first reap, which was incomplete. Fortunately, there had been reapers nearby who'd noticed the cinematic records of her first assignment in the air and promptly collected them, but he shuddered to think of what could have happened if they'd remained free. At first, Will was irritated. Grelle knew that he had enough on his plate with missing reapers and ghosts of uncollected records becoming more frequent, why would she increase his workload like this? But as the day went on, he realized that this was no simple act of skipping on work.

Now it was almost half past 5:00 and there was still no sign of her. Due to his worry for his lover, he opted to cut the paperwork short today and search in her office for clues. He found the door unlocked, which was at least a sign that she hadn’t simply gone home. She always kept her office door locked when she was off. He stepped inside and found the room in its usual state of disarray. Pens, makeup, nail tools, and various paperweights and knickknacks littered her cherry wood desk. He remembered her coming to him to ask that her perfectly good mahogany desk be replaced because she deemed it “too boring”. He couldn’t understand her mind but he had agreed as long as she turned in her paperwork on time and neatly for the next month.

His heart ached at the thought of her eccentricities. He wouldn’t admit it, but he did miss her terribly when she didn’t barge into his office every now and then to pester him. He checked the drawers in her desk, finding all of them to be perfectly normal, except for the top right one which contained a rectangular box wrapped in a neat red bow. Suddenly, he remembered something important. Their anniversary of becoming reapers. He forgot nearly every year as he was bad with dates, but surely she hadn’t stormed off because of it? No, she would’ve expected this, and she wasn’t so irresponsible as to leave her duties unattended because of a quarrel with him. William sat down in her work chair and took in her scent which lingered in her office.

“Where are you, Grelle?” He said to no one.

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Forty eight hours had passed since Grelle had been admitted to a guest room in the Phantomhive manor. Sebastian had been checking up on him to change his bandages that morning when he noticed he was breathing again, which was a wonderful sign of health since it was not necessary for reapers. His throat hadn’t been healing very well, which was to be expected since reapers could only be damaged with death scythes, but it looked well enough considering the situation. He would be horribly miffed at the scar, he knew, but he supposed that that was his own problem. He tapped his face a bit in an attempt to rouse him, but to no avail. Oh well. He supposed they had no choice but to wait until he awoke of his own volition.

At precisely 2:00 AM the next morning, Grelle opened her eyes. She had had horrible dreams that night. Something about a reap gone wrong, her throat being slit, and dying at the hands of some shadowy figure she couldn't quite make out. She was used to nightmares at this point, though, so she wasn’t terribly bothered. She rubbed her head and attempted to groan, but found that no noise would come out. She reached for her throat and found bandages tightly wrapped around it, and pain shot through her when she rubbed it. Now it was obvious that something was wrong. She bolted up and looked around. Where was she? This wasn’t her room. It was dark and she wasn’t wearing her glasses, but she could tell just from the fabric of her covers that the room was unfamiliar. Just as she was beginning to panic, the door to her right opened, and none other than Sebastian Michaelis stepped through holding a candelabra.

“Ah, you’re finally awake.” He said and walked to her side. She glared at him.

‘What is happening?’ She tried to say but once again nothing came out. She grasped at her throat.

“Hm, your vocal cords must be damaged. I’m not sure if they’ll eventually heal or not, seeing as I am not familiar with reapers’ healing abilities.” He set the candelabra down on the nightstand.

“You must be wondering what happened to you. You see, my master and I were out gathering information for a case when I spotted you bleeding out from your neck in an alleyway. I was ordered to save you, and so I did. You have been asleep for two days.”

She exhaled. Two days?! Oh dear, her poor William must be worried sick! And that boy she was supposed to reap, she wondered if anyone had taken care of that. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind but were interrupted by Sebastian holding out a pen and paper.

“This should help.” He said, being oddly kind to her. Grelle thought, and then wrote something down. She held the paper in front of Sebastian.

‘Did you see who attacked me?’ It said. Sebastian shook his head.

"I assumed it was a reaper due to the use of a deathscythe." He placed his chin in his hand as if thinking it through. Grelle nodded and picked up the pen once more.

‘Why did you save me?’ Sebastian smiled.

“You see,” he began, “My master is looking into a case involving reapers showing up across the country with slit throats. He wanted to question you when you woke up, as it seemed you were about to become another victim of these murders.”

Grelle pursed her lips in thought. ‘Someone tried to kill me. Not only that, it was an assassin. No murderer simply cuts throats and disappears. Which means…’

She wrote on her paper once more and showed Sebastian. It said, ‘I need to find out who is doing this.'’

“Oh?” He tilted his head. “Why don’t you nevermind all of that for now. My master can question you tomorrow and I’m sure that you’re hungry. Can you eat?”

She thought for a moment and wrote, ‘I don’t know.’

“There is only one way to know then, yes? Come with me now.” He said and took the candles once more. He held the door open for her and waited. Grelle squinted at him.

‘Where are my glasses?’ She wrote. Sebastian made a face as if he just remembered something and dug around in the nightstand, pulling out a familiar pair of red glasses.

“There you are.” He said and offered his arm. Grelle snatched them up and placed them on her nose, finally able to take in her surroundings. She looked down at herself and noticed that she wasn't wearing her uniform, but a long nightgown. She blushed, but decided not to ask Sebastian about it. She could out two and two together and he would just make fun of her. She finally took his arm and let him lead her out of the guest room to the dining room.

The demon was being awfully kind to her, she thought. Caring for her, answering her questions, and even offering her arm? He was definitely after something.

Sebastian sat her down at the dining table and left the room, returning a second later with a dish of simple tomato soup and ice cream for dessert. Grelle found that it took considerable effort to swallow, but she was thankfully able to eat fine. She silently thanked god for that. After all, reapers needed to eat just as humans did. After she was done, he led her back to her room and tucked her back into bed. He took the paper, pen, and glasses from her and put them on the nightstand.

“I’ll leave these here.I’ll prepare you some clothes for your meeting with the master tomorrow morning, as I’m afraid the clothes you were wearing are covered in blood. Goodnight, Grelle.” He said and left Grelle in the dark. She wanted to figure out what was going on as soon as possible but her eyes were becoming terribly heavy. She went to sleep.

The next day she awoke to a sharp clap and sunlight in her eyes.

“Up, up!” Sebastian commanded as he clapped his hands together. Grelle attempted a groan which came out as more of a wheeze and slowly sat up. She yawned and grabbed her glasses.

“Before you ask, it is six am. I must prepare you to join the young master for breakfast, as you are a guest here. I have laid out an outfit for you on the dresser. I assume you can dress yourself?”

Grelle nodded, and with that, Sebastian stepped outside.

“When you are done, come to the dinner table. Take a left outside of the door and go down the hall until you reach the stairs. Once you descend, the dining room will be on your right.”

He closed the door. Grelle stretched and stood up, then looked at herself in the full length mirror. She looked like a wreck. Hair disheveled and skin pale, it was obvious that she hadn't had a bath in a few days. She wondered if she had time before breakfast, and ultimately decided that she didn't care. The butler façade was nice and all but she felt that all this "guest" business was a tad stupid. She had a reason for being here and they had a reason for keeping her, it was as simple as that. She went into the bathroom and prepared the water, funding some soap to use in a nearby cabinet. She undressed her nightgown, and she couldn't help but blush at the thought of Sebastian undressing her.

Sinking into the water was like heaven. She slid down to her shoulders but was careful not to get her bandages wet. She didn't even want to see the wound. Not to mention the horrid scar it would leave.

'Oh well,' she thought, 'I can just cover it with makeup or a choker.'

After her bath, she dried off and brushed her long hair out, braiding it up so it wouldn't fly everywhere and would give her a nice wave. She dressed in the clothes Sebastian had given her. She would have preferred a skirt on her days off to the dress pants but she didn't mind too much. After she was properly ready and awake, she grabbed her own and paper and made her way to the dining room. The human, Ciel, was halfway done with his breakfast and an irate looking Sebastian stood behind him.

"You're late." Said the brat, immediately earning a sour look from Grelle. She wrote on her paper.

'I was bathing.' It said. She sat down at his side where her meal had been prepped and dug in to her yogurt and finely chopped berries.

"Let's talk business," said the young Earl, "I have questions and I'm sure that you do too."

Grelle nodded and took a sip from her glass.

"Sebastian has already explained your situation to me. You may keep that pen and paper and ask my butler for more should you need it. You say you can't return to your kind? Explain that."

Grelle's swallowed her bite of yogurt and wrote on her paper. She showed it to Sebastian who read it aloud.

"'A reaper tried to kill me. He was a trained assassin. I don't know what is going on, but I think something is happening within dispatch. If I go back they will kill me.'" he finished.

Ciel took a sip of tea.

"Are you aware of what's been happening lately? Reapers showing up in our world with slit throats. What can you tell me about that?" He said. Grelle wrote and passed her paper to Sebastian.

"'All I know is that reapers have been going missing. I suppose they were all killed by the same people and left in the human world. The fact that my attacker didn't finish the job means that they've purposefully been leaving the records to transform.'"

"Transform?" Ciel said, tilting his head quizzically. Grelle looked confused. When Sebastian read her next note, he held a look of surprise.

"'Didn't you two know? When cinematic records aren't properly collected, their soul clings to its memories and transforms into a ghost of sorts and haunts the area where it died. They're quite the mess to clean up.'" he read. "I was not aware of that, no. Why would reapers purposefully create more work for themselves, I wonder."

Grelle shrugged and finished her meal, politely dabbing her mouth with a napkin.

"What will you do if you can't return to dispatch? Live as a human?" Ciel asked, looking at her thoughtfully. She wrote another note.

"'I suppose I have no choice.'" he said. Ciel thought for a moment. Eventually he spoke.

"How would you like to live here as a servant then?" Both Sebastian and Grelle's jaws dropped.

"Young Master, is that such a good idea?" He said with a pained smile. "After all, this is the man that murdered Madame Red."

Grelle shot him a glare at the word "man" and Ciel gave him one for mentioning his aunt's death.

"Perhaps so," he began, "but I believe he could be invaluable in helping with this case of indivisible corpses. My personal feelings aside, I have a duty to Her Majesty to present the truth."

Sebastian sighed.

"Very good then, my lord. Well then," he turned to Grelle. "What do you say, Mister Grelle?"

Grelle considered them for a moment. Work for the brat she despised, beside a demon who might kill her at any moment? Then again, they did rescue her. And despite her personal feelings, Anne did love the little nightmare. Plus she had nowhere else to go. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. But one thing had to be rectified. She wrote on her notepad and gave the paper to Sebastian to read.

"'I agree on one condition; you will all treat me as the woman I am, including pronouns, dress, and honorifics. No more "Mister Grelle".'"

"You aren't really in a position to negotiate." Ciel said. "But I agree nonetheless. Sebastian, figure out a position for hi-...her and introduce her to the servants. You'll need a disguise while you're staying here so your friends won't spot your obvious appearance. Figure that out on your own. Sebastian."

"Yes, my lord." He said with a bow. "Come along Grelle."

He led her back to her room, where she took a seat on the bed.

"Firstly, you won't be staying in this room any longer. You'll have to stay in the servants quarters. Since you insist on this gender business, I suppose it's only appropriate to give you your own room like our maid, but don't expect anything extravagant. Now, what position…" he thought to himself for a moment, then made an "ah ha!" noise.

"Normally I would make you a footman or a governess, but considering the circumstances, perhaps a maid would be best?"

Grelle made a face at the thought of having to do actual housework, but then considered her options. Would she rather clean or work with dirty plants or in the kitchen with that pyromaniac? The answer was clear. She nodded, hesitantly.

"That will do, then. What name should I introduce you to the other servants with?"

She thought for a moment.

'Ellen Sutcliff' said her note. Her mother’s name from her human life. That way, she’d already be familiar with it too. Sebastian must have sensed her sentimental feelings towards the name, as he looked mildly uncomfortable.

"...As you wish. I will fetch you a spare maid's uniform from Meyrin. You'll have to put up with it for now. You will begin your duties as soon as possible. I will leave you to prepare yourself."

Grelle waved him over before he could leave and wrote him a note.

'What about my glasses? They're too obvious.' It said. Sebastian lifted them from her face and turned around. Grelle tried to peek over his shoulder but he was already done. He'd used his demon skills to replace the frame of the glasses with a silver one and removed the skulls from the chain.

"There." He said. "They shouldn't be a problem anymore. I’ve taken the liberty of removing the tracking device within it as well.” He held up his finger to show her a tiny metal object before crushing it with his thumb. “Now if you'll excuse me."

He ignored her bug-eyed expression and left her alone. Grelle sighed. 'I suppose that shouldn’t come as a surprise.’ she sighed, ‘This isn't so bad considering my situation. I mean, it could be worse.'

She got up from the bed and walked to the full length mirror once again to try on her new glasses. They were quite stylish, actually. Not nearly the same fashion she would normally choose and she missed her little skulls, but they would do nicely for the new role she was already imagining for herself. She looked at her hair in the mirror and began changing her appearance.

Notes:

Thank you for reading :'3

Chapter 5

Notes:

Go read my fic titled "Madeline" for context on my oc who appears this chapter!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251940

Also, sorry this chapter is so short. The next one will be longer.

Chapter Text

William was beginning to panic. He had ransacked Grelle's entire office that morning when she still didn't return from her first reap of the day yesterday. He had only just returned to his office to brainstorm when he ran into two of Grelle's closest friends to his knowledge, his assistant manager Madison Jones and dispatch worker Ronald Knox. They both wore worried looks on their faces.

"Mister Spears!" Ronald called, both of them catching up to him. He put his arm on his shoulder and Will shrugged it off reflexively. "Have you seen Grelle?"

"We haven't seen her since yesterday." Said Madison, uncharacteristically emotional. "No one's heard from her at all."

Madison began to bite at her fingernails and Ronald had his hands balled up into fists. William tried not to let his feelings show on his face.

"I haven't seen her either. I've checked everywhere but her room." He pushed up his glasses. "You two are welcome to follow me if your schedules permit it. I was just heading there now."

"Yes, please!" They both nodded and followed him out of the building.

Grelle's work-assigned dormitory room was silent. The entire hallway was, in fact, due to half the reapers being in the field and the other half sleeping until their shifts started. William tried the doorknob and found it blessedly locked, which confirmed that the room hadn't been broken into. Will and Madison reached for their skeleton keys for the dormitory at the same time, but she let him use his since he was closer. He smoothly turned the lock and opened the door to a mess of red. The walls were covered in pictures and decals, the floors in various red carpets, and even the standard dormitory furniture had been replaced with red loveseats and chairs. William made a mental note to reprimand her for that later and entered to search for her.

There were no signs of life in the room. And on top that disappointment was the fact that there wasn't any sign of where she had gone either. They checked her bedroom, her closets, her loo, everyone, but there were no signs. Will met up with Ronald and Madeline in the living room.

"Did you find anything?" Asked Ronald. The other two shook their heads.

"We have no choice then. You two get to work," They opened their mouths to protest but he held up a hand to stop them. "I have to file a missing reaper report."

"Yes, sir." They both said in unison, and then left Grelle's dorm room, quietly discussing what could have happened and what to do next. Will locked the door behind him and started towards his office. He wondered what Grelle was thinking right now, wherever she was.

Before he could so much as grab a missing reapers report to begin filling out, William noticed an envelope on his desk. He picked it up to inspect it and recognised the writing of his name on the front. This was a letter from the higher ups. He quickly opened it up and read the letter inside.

'Mr. Spears

Please report to Meeting Room 1A for an emergency meeting.'

The higher ups never signed the bottom of letters, as it was always obvious who they were from. William studied the letter closely. An emergency meeting? He really didn't have time for this, but orders were orders and he had to obey if he didn't want to face serious repercussions. He sighed, threw the letter away, and began walking towards Meeting Room 1A.

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

She had just finished editing her physical appearance before Sebastian knocked three times before entering the room once more, clothes in his arms.

"Grelle, I've brought your uniform." He said as he stepped inside. He looked Grelle up and down. "Well, that should do nicely."

Grelle had changed her appearance to one somewhat similar to her butler disguise. Her hair had been turned a dark brown and pulled into a braid with her bangs swept to the left. Her eyes were now golden rather than bright yellow-green, and her teeth had been dulled to look like normal human teeth. That, combined with her new glasses, made her look like a completely different person. She was the only one who would know it, but she was nearly the spitting image of her late mother. She was always a comforting thought to Grelle, though her memory had ever so slightly faded throughout the years.

Sebastian stepped back outside to let Grelle try on her new temporary uniform. The bust was much too loose and the hip area was a bit too tight, but it wasn't too uncomfortable. In fact, Grelle thought that she looked quite pretty, though her red heels didn't quite match. She hoped a new pair of shoes would come with her new uniform. When she was done she opened the door to the hallway where Sebastian was waiting. He glanced at her, and apparently finding her appearance suitable, led her to the drawing room where three familiar figures were anxiously waiting for them.

“You three,” he addressed them and they all straightened up after sparing a few glances at Grelle, “Starting today, we are going to have a new maid. Go ahead and introduce yourself.”

Grelle gave him a bit of a sour look but she understood what his goal was. She took her paper and pen out of one of the uniform’s pockets and wrote. ‘Hello. My name is Ellen Sutcliff. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I cannot speak because of an injury, but I hope we can still get along and work together regardless.’ The three other servants were visibly shocked at this. The maid, Maylene if she recalled correctly, seemed especially eager to meet this new member of the Phantomhive servants. It was all over her face.

"Hello!" The short one pipes up excitedly. "I'm Finnian, the gardener. This is Bard and Meyrin."

"Er, hi." Bardroy rubbed his neck and gave her a small smile. "Welcome to the servants brigade."

"We're glad to have you join us, we are!" Said the maid. These three were exactly how she remembered them when she was losing as Madame Red's butler. She gave a little curtsey. Sebastian clapped his hands together.

"Right then, you can handle the rest, Meyrin."

"Eh? Me, sir?" She scratched her chin.

"You are the only other maid here. Please do show her the ropes and how to handle her duties."

"Yes, sir." She said, seemingly unsure. She then turned to "Ellen" and took her hand.

"Come with me, dear, I'll show you what being a maid is all about!"

As she dragged Grelle away, she glanced back at Sebastian, who gave her a wicked smirk. Grelle rolled her eyes and followed Meyrin.

Five broken plates, an overflowing sink, and a ruined staircase later, and Grelle was exhausted. Meyrin had made an honest attempt to show her all of the maid's duties, which Grelle noted couldn't possibly be for one maid alone and most likely involved help from the demon butler on the daily, complete with examples that had all gone horribly wrong in one way or another. Now it was getting dark and the two maids were sitting down with the rest of the staff for dinner since the master had already eaten. Grelle looked at the empty spot beside Bardroy.

"Oh, Sebastian doesn't usually eat with us," He said through a mouth full of roast beef. "Too busy, I reckon."

"Mister Sebastian works harder than any of us lower servants!" Said the smallest one. Grelle wrote on her notepad.

'So I've seen.' It read. She looked down at her meal and nearly salivated. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, and carrots invaded her senses. She eagerly took a bite with her dull human teeth. This was much better than what they were served at dispatch's cafeteria. That was one thing she certainly wouldn't miss while she was here. That, and the paperwork. She dearly missed William and her friends, however, and suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't just stay there in hiding while he was still in potential danger! She pushed her plate aside, wrote in her notebook, and showed it to the others.

'Excuse me.' It said and the servants all nodded. Grelle quietly left to find Sebastian.

"Poor thing must still be sore in the throat." Said Meyrin with a pout. Bard and Finny looked worried as well and the three silently finished their meals.

Grelle had barely set off on her journey when she found herself lost in one of the many hallways of the mansion. She may have been a reaper, but that didn't help with her directional sense. She squinted in the dark and held her right hand to the wall as she attempted to find Sebastian, or anyone for that matter.

Being alone with her thoughts only made her think of William and her heart ached as she walked through the mansion. He must have been so worried. And with good reason too; she'd almost been killed after all. If it weren't for Sebastian, she'd be lying dead in the human world.

Just as Sebastian entered her mind again, she felt a hand on her shoulder and would have screamed if she were able. She quickly turned around and punched the air behind her, only to have her first grabbed by none other than Sebastian himself.

"Are you lost, little one?" He said mockingly, invading her personal space. Grelle frowned at him and tried to yank her hand out of his grasp, but he held fast and pinned her to the wall. He spoke, leaning in close.

"Don't forget yourself, reaper. You're more of a prisoner than a guest here." He let go of her and she hit her head on the wall with the force of her trying to lean away from him. She hated to admit it, but he was right. A healthy demon versus an injured reaper? He could kill her in an instant if he wanted.

"Our investigation will resume tomorrow. I expect you to keep up with your duties as a maid on top of that." She eyed him but didn't move. Apparently satisfied with that, he began on his way.

"Keep going down this hall and make a right at the end. You will then reach the stairs. I trust you can find your way from there?" She nodded. Though his back was turned, he nodded as well and then disappeared into the shadows.

Grelle followed his directions and found herself in her new quarters for however long she'd be there. It was quite spacious for a servant, she thought. There was a small twin bed in the corner, a window, a nightstand, a wardrobe, a desk, and a vanity; everything a servant could need. She changes out of her maid's uniform and put on a white silk nightgown that she found in the wardrobe. Finally able to relax, she let her glamour fade, going back to her usual appearance. She approached the desk and opened the side drawer, finding pens, papers, and envelopes inside, and she took one of each to begin writing a letter. When she was done, she opened the window and called a pigeon to her. Tying the letter to it's leg, she ordered it to deliver the envelope to William T. Spears.

Notes:

Writing is hard :'3

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Notes:

Here's a short little Will chapter for ya.

Chapter Text

William plopped himself into his chair with a sigh and rubbed his temple. He could do without these meetings on disappearing reapers that went absolutely nowhere. For now, the board wants the situation to remain top secret so as to not cause a panic amongst their ranks, which frustrated William to no end. Why do they insist on keeping it a secret when more and more reapers are going on reaps and not returning? They had already ruled out the possibility of them defecting. Defected reapers usually left their glasses somewhere where a fellow reaper could find them and get the message, but all of the previous victims' glasses had their trackers smashed and had not yet been found. He couldn't fathom what was going on in the higher ups' heads. Something must be stopping them from taking action. He closed his eyes and considered his options. On one hand, he could simply do as he's told and keep everything to himself while reapers continue to become victims. Or, he could inform his underlings on the current situation and risk his position as well as his chances of finding Grelle. He immediately decided that he couldn't risk it. Grelle was more important to him than anything right now. Besides, his staff should start realising that a good number of their coworkers have gone missing, and they'll start asking questions of their own soon enough.

Will was pulled out of his thoughts by a tapping on the glass pane of his window. He opened his eyes and looked over, finding a pigeon pecking at his window with a rolled up paper attached to its left foot. He opened it up and offered the bird his arm, who hoped on and looked up at him curiously. Taking the paper, he unrolled it and his eyes widened. This was-! He frantically read the contents.

Dearest William,

Hello, my darling. I hope this letter finds you well. As for me, I am injured but have found somewhere safe to stay, so don't worry your handsome head about me. I am sorry I can't tell you this in person, but I'm in a bit of a pickle right now. I believe that someone in dispatch tried to kill me. I didn't see them, but it was most certainly the presence of a reaper. I believe that my attacker has been doing this for some time; killing reapers I mean. So you see why I shan't be coming back in the meantime, yes?

I need you to do me a teensy favor. In my current state of hiding, I can't exactly waltz into dispatch to do investigating on the situation. So, my darling, I need you to do some investigating for me. Find out what's going on in dispatch. I'm sure you can find a way to dig around, my smart man. In the meantime, I'll be taking time to heal and do my own investigating. Do take care of yourself and the others while I'm gone.

-Grelle Sutcliff

William took heavy breathes as he read the name at the end. '-Grelle Sutcliff' She was alive. His eyes began to water despite himself and he lifted his glasses to wipe at them furiously. Now was not the time to allow emotions to get the best of him. Now was the time for action. He let the pigeon climb into his shoulder while he quickly wrote out a response and rolled it up similarly to the way Grelle had done hers. The note tied to the bird's leg, he ordered it to fly back to Grelle to deliver his letter. He then turned back to his desk and lit Grelle's note aflame so as not to leave any evidence. He had to find out what was going on in dispatch.

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Notes:

Fuck writer's block all my homies hate writer's block

Chapter Text

For the next few weeks, Grelle had the pleasure of learning the ins and outs of her co-workers more thoroughly than she could the first time she appeared before them as Grelle Sutcliff the butler. Meyrin was soft on the eyes and obviously tenderhearted in more ways than one. Grelle thought she'd be quite the catch if it weren't for her clumsiness and, well, stupidity. It was a shame, she thought, because otherwise she might pursue her- but as it happened, she wasn't her type. Bardroy, on the other hand, was a lot closer. Tall, mysterious, handsome- and that blonde hair and stubble that reminded her of one of her past lovers! He was nearly a dreamboat, if it weren't for his obnoxious personality and… "extreme" hobbies. Mostly involving fire. And gunpowder. Loudness must've been an American trait. And then there was sweet little Finnian. That boy was such a cutie in Grelle's eyes. She didn't ask, but he couldn't be older than seventeen. His proneness to making mistakes and then crying over them made Grelle's heart ache with maternal instincts. She had met Tanaka a few times and saw him lounging about the manor frequently, but other than that they barely spoke. He was simply a silly old man to her.

Despite their individual quirks unusual behavior, however, Grell found them to be quite kind to her. She almost felt like a new adopted sibling in a family of misfits. Meyrin would gush over Sebastian to her during their breaks, Bard would treat her like a proper lady, sneaking her a sweet every now and then when he realised that she was partial to them, and Finny would cry on her shoulder when he would accidentally kill a plant or track mud into the manor, and she would help him settle the mess before Sebastian noticed. Tanaka was… well, Tanaka.

Grelle only saw the young master when they were working on his case from the queen as she was specifically instructed by Sebastian to stay out of his way as much as possible, and after their encounter in the hallway the other day, she was hesitant to cross him. It was difficult; every cell in her body wanted to flirt and annoy the demon as soon as she got used to her new surroundings, but she was weakened and he was much stronger than her, so she obeyed him for the time being.

She had to admit that the members of the household made a nice little family from what she saw. She saw the little smile Ciel would give them when he thought she wasn’t looking. He still loathed her for her crimes, but he was at least putting up with her for the time being, though it was obvious that he didn’t want her there and only let her stay for the sake of the investigation. It was obvious to Grelle that they all loved each other very much. Part of her almost wished she could be a part of it… but she had better things to worry about at the moment.

She and William had been exchanging letters for a few weeks now. It had started with “How are you?”s and concern for each other’s well-being, before evolving into an exchange of intel from both the human realm and the reaper realm. William kept an eye out at dispatch for anything unusual and Grelle did the same on her outings with Sebastian and his master. Everything seemed to be normal on her end so far, but at dispatch things were getting hectic. Reapers continued to disappear at an alarmingly consistent rate, and the board had decided not to ignore it anymore. Every reaper on dispatch duty was ordered to only leave the realm while accompanied by a companion and to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. This meant that reap times were cut in half, which only led to more paperwork and a sense of unease amongst the office. William had told Grelle that it felt like something was about to explode within the dispatch with all the tension in the air. Through their letters, they hatched a plan together. William couldn't move very well due to his position and piles of work he had to do, but Grelle had the advantage of being "dead" and could therefore moved as she pleased, so long as she disguised herself well. Grelle had no problem with this whatsoever, being highly skilled at changing her appearance and ready to take action.

It was now the night before she was planned to infiltrate dispatch and Grelle was antsy. What if something went wrong? What if she was recognised? She'd be questioned by the higher ups at the very least, but she had a feeling that she wouldn't last long before she was assassinated again, and this time for good.

She paced around her room back and forth restlessly. Figuring that the noise might be keeping her neighbor up, however, she opted to head outside into the cool summer air to let off some steam. She broke through large rocks, pinched at trees and practiced her kicks in the air, all while wearing her pyjamas. She had just begun to work up a sweat when she heard the door she had come through open up with a creak. Quickly, she ran her fingers through her hair, turning it brown. She didn't have time to flatten her teeth so she simply gave the approaching figure a closed mouth smile. Meyrin came out through the shadows, also in her nightgown but with a shawl around her shoulders.

"You can't sleep?" She asked, looking her over with concern in her brown eyes.

Grelle reached for her paper, but remembered that she left it in her room, so she simply shrugged at her. Meyrin nodded understandingly. She sat on the garden bench near them and Grelle joined her.

"I know this manor can be a lot to take in, even after a few weeks," she started, "but we really do enjoy your company here!"

She looked down at her hands. Grelle just watched her and listened.

"It's nice having another woman here for a change. I-I mean, the others are wonderful, but they are just some things they can't understand, you know? But we all know how it feels… to come from a rough past."

She paused to take Grelle's hands in hers and look her in the eye.

"I just want you to know that we're all here for you, no matter what your past is. You're one of us now."

She smiled and Grelle couldn't help but give a heartfelt one of her own. Suddenly, Meyrin yawned, taking her hands away from Grelle.

"Oh dear, it's getting late isn't it? Goodnight, Miss Ellen." She said with a smile and then disappeared back into the manor.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Notes:

Writing is hard

Hopefully the next chapter will be soon though :)

Chapter Text

Grelle closed the door to her bedroom behind her and let out a breath she hadn't noticed she'd been holding. The people here were certainly kind; something Grelle could appreciate but wasn't used to in the slightest. Detest, annoyance, anger; she could deal with. Empathy? Sympathy? She blushed and put a hand to her cheek.

"What's that look for?" Came a voice to her right that scared her half to death. She might have screamed if it weren't for her current vocal predicament. Her head darted towards the voice and she found Sebastian smiling at her. She glanced at him, then her notebook, and he followed her eyes.

"Ah, don't bother with that," he said as he took a step closer, "this won't require words from your end just yet."

She took a step back, not trusting him in the least, and wondered what he was scheming. Sebastian apparently read the look on her face.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," suddenly right behind her, he wrapped his long arms around her middle and whispered in her ear, "unless you’d like me to."

Grelle jumped in surprise at his actions. She was expecting another ambush, a show of power, not… this. The demon ran his hands over her body, settling on her hips. Normally, Grelle might have easily given up to the temptation that she was presenting her with on a silver platter, but right now the situation was too dire for things like this. Sure, she was extremely anxious about tomorrow’s break in, and sure, she had been secretly longing for this ever since she met the conniving butler, but now all she could think of William. He’d likely never trust her again if she gave in, and that was something she wouldn’t be able to handle. Not now, not ever. Besides, she knew better than to think that he genuinely wanted this. He was after something in return. Most likely information about her realm or stolen records. Grelle would have none of this. She turned around in his grasp, and he went to embrace her, but was met with a look of pure unamusement. He could read the expression on her face easily enough without her notepad. He frowned.

“This is unexpected,” he started, then continued to forcibly grab her hair and tip her chin up to land a heated kiss on her mouth. Grelle froze on the spot. He separated from her after a brief moment and opened his mouth to speak again. “Perhaps a taste is enough to-”

He was interrupted by a surprisingly strong smack to his cheek. He turned to look at Grelle with an unamused look on his face, and was a bit taken aback by her furious expression. Perhaps that was a bad idea. She summoned her scythe, and faced him with it without turning it on as a silent threat. Sebastian accepted her message well enough apparently. Without a word, he left out the window where he had entered. She watched him go and relaxed when the window closed behind him, dismissing her scythe. She exhaustedly trotted to her bed and plopped down, one hand thrown over her eyes. She had a bad feeling about this.

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Notes:

Hey kings and queens, I'm baaack. I was gone for a long time for personal reasons but I had a sudden burst of creativity just now, so I'm gonna crank out some new chapters before I run out of juice. Plot actually happens this chapter, so enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The plan was simple. She simply needed to sneak into dispatch, snoop around some big wigs’ offices, and possibly seduce some information about what’s going on out of said big wigs. Well, she added that last part herself for fun, but she wasn’t above a little flirtation for the sake of possibly the world. William was being watched too closely as a manager to make a move; but Grelle was “dead” and therefore not settled with mounds of work like other reapers, and no one would miss her if she wandered around the buildings. She was currently the only one who could pull this off. Not only was her life on the line, but William was counting on her to be successful, so she couldn’t fail. His letters had told her that dispatch was under a pretty hefty lockdown for a while, reapers only being able to leave the realm if they had work to do and no dilly dallying around, but no one, not even management was told why this was. All they knew was that reapers had been disappearing more and more lately, and the culprit was apparently a reaper themselves.

Getting dressed up in her usual disguise, Grelle snuck out of the manor in her usual reaping outfit minus her signature coat and bowtie. She hadn’t told anyone that she’d be gone that day, but she couldn’t risk being shot down and then watched by that butler, ruining her chances before she could get out the door. After finessing a plain tie and suit jacket from a human store, she headed for the reaper realm.

-

Getting into the dispatch building was no problem. After all, Grelle knew the place in and out. She wouldn’t be able to see William, not that he would recognize her anyways, but that was for the best. Now was the time for stealth. She waved at those who greeted her and calmly stepped into the elevator to see a familiar face. Her and her junior were right beside each other in the elevator. She tried to hide her face, hopefully to seem bashful. Ronald, predictably, gave her a onceover and she could hear him blow air as he silently whistled to himself.

“Hey,” he started. Grelle shrank into herself, almost beginning to panic. “Are you new here? I think I’d recognize a cute face like that.”

She gave him a bashful wave, still looking away.

“Not much of a talker, huh,” he looked up as the elevator dinged, “Whelp, that’s me. Have a nice day, now.”

He waved at her and she reciprocated the action, thankful for the lack of drama just now. Ronnie was such a sweet boy. Her heart slowed down as the elevator continued its ascension. Her stop was much higher up. She couldn’t go too high; at a certain level, you weren’t even allowed to walk the hallways unless you were certified. Floor 6 would do for her needs today. Hopefully. She stepped out with a feminine sway to her hips, feeling confident so far. Just as she was walking past a few doors, testing the locks on each one with disappointing results, one of the office doors opened, and a senior officer stepped out for some business or such. He took a bag with him, so Grelle hoped that meant that he’d be gone for a while. She wedged her foot in the door silently before it could automatically close and made her way inside.

The name outside had said Anderson March: Senior Manager, so that meant he was a step above William. She riffled through the drawers of his desk, but with no results. It seemed this gent wasn’t in charge of much. Carefully making sure no one saw her, she left the room and continued down the hall, testing the doors until one finally opened. A janitor’s closet. Well, better than nothing, she supposed. She looked around the bottles of cleaner and briefly wondered how one comes to be a janitor in the afterlife, before deeming the room useless. Just as she was leaving however, a crumpled paper fell out of a nearby trash bag as if beckoning her. She picked it up and inspected it, adjusting her glasses. She mouthed the words out loud. It merely said ‘The Anarchal Initiative,’ at the top and nothing else. Apparently it was scrap paper.

She crumpled it back up and threw it away again.

The janitor’s cart, however, gave her a brilliant idea. Grelle took it with her and put on some nearby gloves and a mask to complete her look. She rolled the cart with her to the end of the hall to an important looking door with big bold letters on it that read: Morris Johnson Senior Management Chief. She tried the door, and, finding it locked, decided to break it open with her supernatural strength. She made sure no one was around, and then applied extreme force to the door, breaking the lock. She dragged her cart inside and closed the door behind her, beginning to look around. Once Again, the desk proved useless. Nothing but files and paperwork. The cabinet in the back also proved to be fruitless, until she reached the bottom drawer which was locked and was covered with big lettering that said “CONFIDENTIAL”. She was about to break that lock as well until she recalled seeing a small key in one of the desk drawers. Quickly, she fetched it and opened the filing cabinet to a gold mine of information. The thing that immediately caught her attention was a folder labeled “missing reapers”. Flipping through it revealed profiles for all of the currently missing reapers. Among them, her name and photo were the last, stamped "MISSING" in black. There was also a question mark in ink beside the stamping. Peculiar, she thought. She wondered what that was for. Her stomach sank when it occurred to her. They must have known she wasn’t dead. She didn't have long to let the horror of that sentence sink in, however, as she then heard footsteps coming closer to the office she was currently occupying. In a panic, she grabbed a stack of papers and threw them in her empty trash bin attached to the cart and slammed the drawer of the filing cabinet closed, quickly standing up and rolling her cart towards the door as if she was just finishing up. She left, passing Mr. Johnson on her way and giving him a small salute, to which he reciprocated and entered his office, none the wiser.

Grelle then retreated to her safe space of the janitorial closet, quickly locking the door behind her. She crouched down on the floor and spread out the various files she’d grabbed, glancing over the titles. Financing, new building plans, nothing important… except… There was that phrase again. “The Anarchal Initiative.” Except this time instead of scratch paper, it was written on the front of a folder in big bold letters and tied up. Curious, and dying for a breakthrough, Grelle carefully unties the documents and reads the first page.

This… this is…! Some kind of… manifesto? For the reaper realm? She mouthed the words as she read through.

“This world is flawed beyond repair, but we can pick up the pieces and create something new. The days of reapers slaving away for an unobtainable reward is over. We shall become our own gods.”

‘What is this drivel?’ She thought as she skimmed through a few pages and stopped when she got to the “Action” section. ‘Here we are.’

“Step One: We spread our message to those we can trust and who are willing to listen, increasing our ranks.

Step Two: We create tension between the average reaper and the higher ups by instilling our comrades with fear and distrust.”

She skipped ahead a bit, easily becoming bored again, until she arrived at step eight.

“Step Eight: We assign reapers with specific skill sets to become assassins. We have them take care of ‘problem reapers’ during their duties, further creating chaos and tension in the workplace.”

She froze in place as she read that bit. This is it! Exactly what she was looking for! So her attempted assassination was a part of some kind of coup? What exactly is a ‘problem reaper’? She tried to think of how she could possibly be a hindrance to these people.

Oh. William. Being pretty far up the ranks himself, he was only a step down from being directly involved with the higher ups. But wouldn’t it make more sense to go after him then Grelle herself? She was thankful, of course, for the way things turned out, but she couldn’t wrap her head around it. She shook herself out of her head and read on for what they were planning next.

“Step Nine: Once all ‘problem reapers’ are removed and enough chaos is stirred up, the Higher Ups will come down to inspect our realm for problems. This is when we strike.”

From there, the rest of the page was blank. Grelle read over the steps of their plan again and again, checking behind the pages for anything she missed but came up short. That couldn’t be it. Just what were they planning to do to the higher ups? If she was being honest, she didn’t truly care about their wellbeing, but not only would this cause extreme overtime: this could possibly create a war between the reaper realm and the heavens!

Then and there, Grelle decided that she no longer cared about the risk of being caught. She had to tell someone. She had to tell William.

Notes:

Comments fuel my writing skills!

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 15. brb x oc

a/n: O H BOY!!!! OH B OY OH B O Y!!! ITS GETTING THERE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: suggestive content (kind of )

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32

-

Trying to keep a secret from Bradley was a bit of a chore, especially when it came to the pole dancing classes she and Shells were now part of. Because she wanted to surprise him, one day, with what she’s been learning. While it wasn’t a lot, it definitely made her feel like a million bucks just by doing the simple movements of flipping her hair or sliding down the pole with so much sensuality it made her dizzy.

They’d chat while at the bar about it. He'd always be curious to know more  so she’d have to say different types of dancing were involved and hope he wouldn’t get suspicious. But he was pretty smart and he knew something was up, but he wouldn’t push her to say it until she was comfortable enough to do it herself. So in the meantime, he enjoyed how her eyes shone whenever she spoke about her class and how much she enjoyed it.

Tiff was a great instructor and she was very supportive too. She noticed Beatrice was a bit nervous whenever the class started so she always assured her to let it flow naturally, to not worry if she misstepped or stumbled a bit since she was learning. But the support she’d get from Shells was even better, she made sure to hoot for her and clap her hands, claiming she was a ‘queen’.

Never in her life she thought she’d enjoy this type of thing, this performance art, but here she was, having more fun than she ever did in a long time. It was very liberating to explore her sensuality without the fears of someone making fun of her. 

Not to mention, she became a lot bolder when it came to showing her affection to Rooster. Bea would cup his face and kiss him whenever he showed up to take her home from the bar, which then turned into a heated make out session inside his car. One that’d leave him trying to catch his breath and with his pants tight, her little smile driving him absolutely insane.

Which was why when he found out he’d be deployed the next monday, he felt like the floor broke underneath him. He’s been so used to leaving without having anyone to return to that he doesn’t know what to do now that he has Bea. Part of him felt terrible, especially because he’d have to tell her he’d be away for a lot longer than weeks - months, in reality - with little 

to no contact this time. 

She looked so happy telling him about her dance class while walking beside him, swinging his arm as they walked together. Since Shells would close the bar this friday, she could get out before normal and he could take her out for dinner, which was lovely really. No matter how nervous he seemed to be, Beatrice made the time together worth it. Once they were done, they went to the beach to chat even more…well, she was chatting.

He was deep in thought. So deep in thought she stopped moving and held his hand to stop him too, “Roos.” he looks back at her, seeing her eyebrows lower in worry, “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all night.”

“I…” he licked his lips, this was it, “I’m going to be deployed this coming Monday.”

Beatrice blinked her eyes at him, he saw the subtle furl of her eyebrows before she let out an “Oh.” the sound of the waves seemed so much louder in his ears he didn’t know how to manage it, her smaller hand clenched his fingers briefly but she didn’t let go of him. She opened her mouth, then closed, rolling her lips into her mouth to look towards the ocean, her eyes held a worried gaze to the coming waves. He didn’t know what to do, what should he say? It wasn’t until Beatrice looked up at him again, with the wind making her hair hit her face that she finally broke the silence, “For how long?”

“Two months,” her sharp intake of breath followed by her hand holding his tighter made his heart clench, “...Little to no contact.”

“Little to no contact.” she repeated, “...right…” she was still digesting the information, not looking up at him, the sand underneath her feet seemed to be more interesting.

“Bea…I’m sorry.” she snapped her head up at his words, “I know it’s–” she placed her fingers against his lips, stopping him from speaking which made him blink in surprise. She slowly lowered her fingers, her eyes moving all over his face before she cupped his cheeks.

“Brad, don’t apologize.” she says quietly, “I…I knew eventually this would happen, I knew it would and I guess I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for it. But that doesn’t mean you have to apologize to me…I don’t want you to apologize to me, not when it’s not in your control when you have to go.”

“You…you aren’t upset?”

“I am devastated.” she chuckles sadly, “That you’ll be gone for two months…but I knew what I was getting into when I started crushing on you.”

He stares at her in complete silence, as if it was the first time he’s seen her. Of all the reactions he thought she’d have, this one was the last in the realm of possibilities. He blinks with shock written all over his eyes before he straightens himself, her palms dropping from his face. She looks confused, but he looks stunned. He places his hands on his hips, pursing his lips to form words that have a hard time coming out, only to heave out a sigh in the end.

She smiled sweetly, “Did you think I’d get angry at you?”

“I…I guess? I mean,I thought a lot of things.” he finishes the sentence with a disbelieved little laugh, one that makes her smile even more. “I was freaking out, to be honest.”

Beatrice sighs, looking towards the ocean with her smile still present, then turns back to him, “I don’t want you to freak out about what I think when it comes to what you do. Do not put that weight on yourself, it’s not healthy. Yes, I am upset Roos and I’m scared, and worried but that’s just because I care about you. But get mad at you? If I got mad because you had to do your job, I’d be a hypocrite.” she steps closer to him, fixing the collar of his Hawaiian shirt that got wrinkled because of the coastal wind, “But I’ll miss you, a whole lot.”

It’s her soft voice whispering that, her eyes looking up at him with nothing but pure affection. It breaks him, “Fuck, pretty girl.” he mutters, wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face on the curve of her left shoulder, “You–I’ll miss you too, so fucking much.” Her smell of lavender invades his nostrils and he closes his eyes. She’s so sweet, so soft, she’s his and only his and he’ll miss her so much once he leaves. She calls his name in a whisper, so he pulls his head up only to meet her sweet smile, one of her thumbs rubbing his cheekbone and he fights hard to not lean onto her touch.

“We just have to make this weekend memorable before you go.” she keeps her hand on his cheek, the repetitive stroking on his cheekbone making his heart beat faster. He’s so…speechless all he could do is stare down at her for a little while longer, then he shook his head incredulously.

“How are you even real?” he whispers, which makes her cheeks turn red, “How the hell is someone so sweet like you real?” She lets out a squeal of surprise when he leans down to press kisses to her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist so he could lift her up from the sand. The muffled exclamation of his name coming from her mouth only made him kiss her harder, all the while she held onto his shoulders for dear life.

“Brad! Oh my God! How are you carrying me?”

“What?” he tilts his head, “Like it’s hard? I carried you to Shells’ car after you slept on me.”

She looked down at him, seeing his smile turn into a toothy grin, “Oh.” she then turns to look over her shoulder, seeing her feet floating above the sand, “Oh, I…I guess I forgot.” her cheeks warmed up, he could carry her like she weighed nothing. Her brain went to the gutter immediately following how his bicep stretched the hibiscus shirt, the thought he was strong enough to pick her up so easily without breaking a sweat brought up images she tried to shove to the farthest side of her brain.

She’d always dreamed of being carried bridal style, or picked up like in The Notebook but she never thought it’d happen because…well…the obvious. So when Rooster picked her up, Beatrice felt like she could cry since now she was awake to witness how strong he was. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised, because he is a very fit guy who works out often,  with a nice fucking body she’s seen in many occasions and couldn’t help but think of what positions she’d see it again. Less than clothed.

God it’s been a long while.

“Do you want me to put you down?” he asks, seeing she got silent, but she shook her head quickly with her cheeks crimson.

“No, no I-I’m just…surprised I guess.” she whispers, “No one— well, no one ever picked me up as an adult..I’m not hurting you am I?”

He splutters a laugh, then makes a point of adjusting her in his arms by bouncing her up - earning a surprised squeal yet again - her legs automatically wrapping around his waist so his hands cupped her butt cheeks. She wrapped her arms around his neck to hold herself upright, trying to ignore how intimate this position was, “Nope. Not hurting me.”

Beatrice met his cocky stare with a shocked one of her own, before she too laughed - still not believing this was happening - “Oh, um…o-okay.” She was getting dizzy with pure want for this man and she didn’t know how to handle it, so she just giggled, a mix of nerves and pure happiness taking over her. He refuses to put her down, carrying her with him for a few more feet of sand, holding her close with a little smile on his face. It wasn’t after a while that she wriggled a bit, telling him she’d like to come down now, so he carefully set her down onto the sand with her hand immediately holding his. 

They turned around to go back to his car after a while, with Rooster pulling her close to himself when he saw a couple of drunk guys being loud not too far from them, tumbling against one another. She didn’t try to fight back a smile when he stepped up between her and the drunk dudes - who honestly didn’t even seem to notice them- while walking up to the Bronco. 

He waited until the drunk guys were at a safe distance to step away and open the passenger door for her. She smiled, kissing his lips in thanks, then getting inside, watching him walk to the driver’s side quickly when the wind picked up around him. Sighing once he’s in a warm environment, he sends her a look only to find she’s already looking at him, “Hey, so.” he begins, “Halo wants us to go to this club, Below Zero I think it’s called, tomorrow. Have a little party before we get deployed on Monday.”

“Below Zero?” she echoes, “I think I know the club, it opened a few months ago.”

“Yeah, according to Halo it’s very popular. “ he chews on his lower lip, “Do you want to go? If you don’t I can tell her we’ll be doing something else, there’s no problem with that.”

God, when was the last time she went to a club? Years it seemed. She played with her fingers a bit, pinching the tip of her index as she thought about it. While she wanted to spend time with Brad and Brad alone…she’d miss the other officers too. They all became her friends, even Hangman who still pestered her about Evelyn. Plus, she had a feeling Shells would already suggest for her to go too, just to have fun with Rooster. 

“Okay.” she smiles, “We can go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll be fun.” she smiles, but then frowns, “I’d have to talk to Penny though, see if I can leave early.”

“I have a feeling,” he begins, turning on the ignition, “She’ll say yes.”

-

He wasn’t wrong, Penny not only said yes to that, she also said she and Shells could change in the back rooms of the bar before they leave for the night. She heard from Shells later it was because she’d go out for dinner with Pete too later that night and, while making the most disgusted face, celebrate before he left as well.

With that now resolved, she had to buy herself a new dress. One that would be comfortable yet cute, but also a bit risqué. Shells was more than happy to hear that, so happy she even called Phoenix and Halo, telling her they’d have a girl shopping day together.

“What about this one?” Bea asked as soon as she walked out of the changing room, the three women looking up at the outfit with blank faces. The shop they were at was a bit far from her house, a good thirty minutes away, but it was amazing with so many options for outfits she didn’t know where to look. Not to mention they had her size! 

Phoenix narrowed her eyes, then tilted her head, “Turn around.” Bea did and the dark haired woman hummed, “I don’t know it seems too short in the back.”

“If you bend over they’ll see France.” Shells added, “Plus, it's kinda like satin, it’ll give you butt sweats.”

Bea looked down at the dress, which indeed reminded her of satin, then nodded before closing the door of the changing room. She heard the women talking, before a knock reverberated on the outside, so Bea opened the latch only to see Halo holding a black dress, “Try this one, we saw one of the vendors bringing over and we think you’ll like it.” the brunette smiled, grabbing the fabric from her then closing the door yet again.

It was almost like suede, but not as hot, it had the texture of it, the parts she folded in her arm appeared to shine under the light. She removed the other dress, placing it on the hanger so she could slide on the black one. She adjusted it on her body, chest and hips seemed tight but not uncomfortable, then looked at her reflection only to part her lips in surprise.

This dress was amazing. It stopped just a few centimeters above her thighs but not enough that it’d “show France”, hugging her waist and giving her such a sexy hourglass shape she couldn’t help but run her hands from her chest to the flare of her hips then back up, twisting her torso to check the back. She let out a surprised squeal, covering her mouth with glee over her eyes: her butt looked incredible, it looked so good she couldn’t stop looking.

“Oh wow.” she ran her hands over her wais again, then down her cheeks, cupping her hands over the fabric. She looked so hot, she even flipped her hair and did a bend over like Tiff taught her to. Yes, the dress was perfect.

“Bea! Come on! Let us see!”

“Okay! Okay!” she gave herself one last look, inhaling deeply then opening the door to step out. She blushed with a wide smile when the three other women cheered, hooted and clapped and she couldn’t help but give them a little twirl to show more. 

“Oh my god! Look at you!!” Shells couldn’t help but stand up to bounce excitedly, “Oh my God! You look so sexy! Man,” she shakes her head, “I don’t know how you’ll keep Rooster’s hands to himself.”

Beatrice bit her lower lip, looking back to the mirror inside the open changing room, then back at Shells. “Maybe I don’t want him to.” it came out smoothly, so smoothly it made all of them stare at her in surprise, but especially Shells who looked like she was ready to cry. Phoenix and Halo cheered, clapping their hands in approval at the sudden bold comment, even if Beatrice’s face was flaming, she couldn’t really feel bad for her own words. 

“Bea, we need him together on Monday.” Phoenix teases, “Try to not break him too much.”

Beatrice smiled shyly, fixing the thin straps over her shoulders and pushing her breasts up a bit more, she wouldn’t even have to use a bra!! 

“Now we just need to find you some shoes. Something sexy and naughty to go along with your dress.”  Shells said, looking down at her naked feet.

“I think I have some at home–”

“No, no we need something that screams femme fatale.” Shells cuts her off, rubbing her chin in thought, then snaps her fingers, “You are a 5.5 right?” to which her friend nods, “Okay, I saw some shoes in the back of the shop, I’ll talk to one of the ladies and see if they have your size.”

Shells leaves before Bea could thank her, a gleeful chuckle leaving the blonde’s mouth, she seemed more excited than Beatrice was. The brunette huffs out a laugh, looking back at her reflection, honestly she couldn’t stop looking at herself and she couldn’t find herself to care. When she looked back at the two officers, they had little smiles on their faces and it was Phoenix that broke the silence, “You know, Bradley will really like your dress.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah,” she chuckles, sharing a knowing look with Halo, “You know he’s anything but subtle…plus, good luck getting rid of him once he sees you. He’ll follow you like a lost puppy.”

“Not that he doesn’t already,” Halo adds, leaning on a hand, “God, he’s like head over heels for you. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Rooster like that, have we?” she turns to ask Phoenix who just shakes her head negatively. Beatrice looks at the two with wide eyes, her cheeks turning red at the revelation, “I mean we saw him with some girls but nothing serious.”

“I think Rooster always wanted something serious but never found the right person.” Phoenix says, “Till he found you.”

“But…we’ve been together for just a month…”

“Yeah, but you didn’t see how he looked at you before you two dated. Every time you scurried away from him he’d come back pouty and sullen.” Phoenix laughed, to which Halo agrees with a knowing nod. “He also didn’t want to freak you out before he asked you on a date. When you went to the barbecue at my place he told me the last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable…and to be honest, he’s never been so worried about making a good impression ‘till he met you.”

Beatrice’s chest erupted with warmth once she heard those words, her mouth parting in shock. Her voice was gone, only disbelieved breaths left her throat as she took in what the two women said, “I-I, oh wow.” she felt her eyes stinging with tears, trying feebly to dry them off by fanning her face before the tears slid down her cheeks. While she hadn't heard from Bradley the words the two pilots were saying right now, she couldn’t help but feel elated since they were his friends. They wouldn’t make that stuff up at all. She just sniffled, thanking them with a shaky voice and her heart filled with fondness.

The way her heart leaped inside her chest only made her smile widen, one of her hands rubbing the spot above it in hopes she’d feel it doing somersaults inside her ribcage. It was then they all heard steps rushing back, Shells skidding to a halt with a box above her head “You won’t fucking believe what they got.” she grinned, the box was beige colored and quite large, “You will lose your fucking shit!!!”

Beatrice frowned, stepping back so Shells could set the box in the middle of their circle, the name on top of the box written in curved letters made the brunette’s eyes widen, “No…” Shells nodded, grinning maniacally, “No way, you are kidding.”

“I’m not!”

In front of all of them was a shoe box, but not any shoe box…a Cristian Louboutin shoe box. Beatrice felt her legs turn to jelly, having to sit down on one of the seating futons in front of the changing rooms, her eyes still focused on the box. She sucked in a breath, leaning forward to pick the box to place on her lap, slowly lifting the lid to see the red velvet pouch  on top. Her hands were trembling while she opened it up, exposing the most beautiful pair of pumps she’d ever seen.

Of course it was nothing out of the ordinary by Louboutin standards, it was a vinyl black peep toe pump, but just seeing that red bottom made her whole body shiver with nerves. “Where–how did you find this?” she asks Shells, hugging the pump to her chest.

Her friend tosses a look over her shoulder, “They have an area where they have brand items for sale. Can you believe it? Most of the stuff is like shoes or accessories…so when I asked the lady about a shoe she brought this one.” she makes a happy noise when Beatrice still looks dumbfounded, holding the shoe to her chest like a child, “What are you waiting for?? Try it on!”

Beatrice looks down at the shoe, taking in a deep breath for courage before she slips them on her feet. They fit perfectly and she wants to cry, but she holds it back while pushing herself to her feet, her chest expanding with disbelief. She looked down at the shoes, angling her leg this way or that to see the slope of the heel shine under the light. While the heels were a bit high, she couldn’t help but gasp when looking at her reflection. It was herself but a leveled up version of herself, the version she always wanted to be.  Even with her face clean of make up, she couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous she looked and the shoes, oh the shoes were just pure sin.

She was loving it so much she didn’t even notice the three other women smiling at her, “I think we have a winning outfit.” Phoenix smiles, looking down at the shoes, “God those shoes are beautiful, they work so well with your dress.”

“You think?’ Bea asks, still turning herself back and forth to check her reflection on every angle possible.  “They really are pretty, should I even wear them to a club? Seems a bit…I don’t know, it’s a Louboutin.”

“I mean, people used those for worse things than dancing.” Shells said, crossing her arms and giving her friend an once over, “Yeah, now this is better. Rooster better keep his eyes on you because you’ll get some looks.”

Beatrice’s cheeks heated up, looking at Shells then to the others, who nodded in agreement. She then rushed back inside to change into her normal clothes after she removed the shoes to place them back in the box. She couldn’t believe she got herself a pair of Cristian Louboutin pumps for a cheaper price than they were normally and a nice dress that showed her curves in the ways she desired to.

Not to mention spending her afternoon with the girls was fun. Phoenix and Halo commented how hard it was to be the only girls in the group, the sausage party would get too much sometimes when all they wanted was to have a chat with more women, have relaxing moments together just to break apart from the boys.

They ended up getting some boba tea, window shopped some more before they got themselves some make up they could use later tonight. Bea sent Rooster a quick text letting him know she had a lot of fun with the girls and that Phoenix would take them all to the club, since the boys told them they’d like to get there earlier to save up seating spots.

His response was a ‘:(‘ but then he said okay and he’d wait for her at the club then. She knew they wouldn’t see each other at the bar tonight and honestly she liked that, she wanted to surprise him. She was excited to. 

The plan was working at the bar until it was time for them to leave, then they’d change and get their make up done in the back room before meeting Phoenix and Halo in the parking lot.

The time went by quickly, she didn’t know if it was because she was so excited to see his reaction once they saw each other or just because Penny announced she’d be closing the bar a bit earlier that night so there were fewer patrons, but before she noticed it was time to change their clothes.

Beatrice and Shells changed in the employee’s room, helping each other with their outfits, makeup and hair in the best way they could in such a tight space, shoving their work clothes in duffel bags they’d leave in Phoenix’s car. Beatrice still looked at her reflection once she was done, making sure to tease her hair a bit to make it more voluminous, smacking her red lips together, wiping some eyeliner that was out of place and fixing her lashes, giving herself a smile 

Shells’ dress was a bit more revealing than hers, light blue in color with a neckline that dropped between her breasts and a skirt that stopped higher on her upper thighs. She looked down her phone once she got the message from Phoenix that she was there already, grabbing the duffel bags and their clutches, shouting a quick goodbye to Penny as they rushed out of the Hard Deck.

Phoenix and Halo greeted them when they got to the car, telling them the boys already got a table for all of them and that Rooster was specifically on edge and kept telling Halo to let him know when they arrived so he’d meet Bea halfway. The brunette just blushed when the three women chuckled at that, calling him a puppy again, eager to see his girlfriend and Phoenix purposefully stepped on it so they’d get there faster.

Below Zero was a big club, in what you’d assume would be an office building they painted light gray with neon lights that were supposed to represent icicles on the front door. The building had big windows that pumped with color from the inside, the music making the glass in Phoenix’s car vibrate when they get closer. The four women looked towards the entrance, where they saw a familiar face already there.

“There he is.” Shells nudged Bea, “Your puppy dog.”

Rooster was waiting on the open door with his hands in his jeans pockets, his head snapping up when he finally saw Phoenix’s car rolling to the parking lot. Since the parking lot was beyond his line of vision, he could only wait until the girls walked up to the entrance, he didn’t want to appear…too needy. Which maybe he was a little.

So he waited a little bit, standing straighter when he saw Phoenix and Halo in front, with Shells right behind and Bea beside the blonde. He only saw the top of her brown hair, but he couldn’t help but smile when she got closer.

Like Moses parting the Red Sea, Phoenix,Halo and Shells stepped aside, leaving Beatrice to step closer to him. His smile dropped immediately, not out of disappointment but out of shock. He didn’t even hear Phoenix tell him they’d go to the table, nor he heard they all cackle at his dumbfounded state, standing there with wide eyes and his jaw slack.

Holy shit. 

Beatrice stood in front of him with her cheeks red, holding the little clutch with both hands, giving him a nervous smile, “Hi.” she whispered, but he had no response. While he stood there in complete silence, she took her time running her eyes up and down his outfit. She wasn’t surprised to see him wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but she was glad to see it was the one she bought him, but it was buttoned to his chest and he had no other top underneath, showing the contours of his chest for her eyes to see.

When the silence became too much she frowned, thinking he wasn’t happy with what he was seeing, “...Roos?” she tries again, this time stepping closer and touching his arm, “Roos?” his eyes finally leave her body to meet her eyes. She blinked in surprise seeing his eyes turn almost completely black because of his pupils dilating, inhaling deeply when he saw her so close. “...are you okay?”

“...I–” he still couldn’t wrap his mind with what she was wearing, “Holy…shit…holy shit.”

“...is it bad?” she questioned, feeling her confidence drop to her stomach, but he looked at her like she grew three heads. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to regain some of his common sense before he opened his mouth, his hands cupping her bare shoulders.

“It’s amazing.” he breathed out, his dark irises moving all over her body yet again, “It’s fucking amazing, holy fucking shit you look good. You look so fucking good.” she did look incredible, she looked so sexy, even more than she already was to him. He was used to seeing her wearing flowy clothing, something that made her look like a fairy but this? This? He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to do it, how he’d be able to deal with her like that.

Beatrice’s blush darkens, her eyes shining with happiness over his words, “Thank you.” she then grabs his hand, “Should we go inside?”

“Huh? Inside where?”

She blinks at him, then laughs, “The club! The one the others are waiting for us?”

He almost wanted to take her away from there, almost, but he took a deep breath to calm himself down before nodding and tugging her closer to himself. He already saw the looks the moment they got inside, the acidic burn of jealousy and protectiveness taking over him, not to mention the fuzziness of his brain trying to calm his body down every time he looked down at her.

[gaysimpsstuff]

Accidental Turn-Ons; Hawks x Dom! Reader

Genre: angst to fluff to smut

Type: Oneshot

Summary: Hawks returns home from a mission, clearly exhausted, and you take the time to give him a little massage! However, it doesn’t quite have the effects you expected.

Word Count: 3.5K

Warnings: minor dub-con (Y/n doesn't know that what they're doing is sexual for Hawks), stress, minor injuries, Keigo's adorable bird tendencies, sexual innuendo, dom y/n, wing play, feather play, nicknames, edging, dacryphilia, handjobs, aftercare

Other: Yo this might actually be my best smut yet

Inspiration: This was actually inspired by my own piece of work, MHA Characters + Their Biggest Kinks where I spoke about Hawks’ wing and back kink and how it relates to his avian traits.

Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy @catcherisvibin @thesubtlewhore @popcatx0

You paced the living room, glancing between the TV and the door. The news station had cut away from the fight five minutes ago, which meant your boyfriend was either in the hospital getting treated for any injuries he might have sustained, dealing with fans, dealing with paperwork, or on his way home.

Your phone buzzed and you raced to grab it off the couch, fearing an incoming call from the hospital, or a news alert about the well-being of the man you loved.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you realized it was just an email from work, not even marked important. You tossed your phone back onto the couch with a groan.

Wasted build-up. Your mind grumbled

Your eyes flicked back to the TV, watching as the reporter rambled on about yet another stupid thing America had going on as you waited for something, anything to happen. Right when you were getting ready to pick your phone back up from the couch cushions when you heard a light tap tap tappity tap against the thick glass of the sliding glass door that led to your balcony.

You dashed across the living room, accidentally knocking a chair over as you raced to reach the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. You'd recognize his special knock any day, even if he changed it all the time whenever he forgot it. You always had patience with him, you knew he had too many things on his mind with Hero Work to always remember a random knock.

You grabbed the handle, yanking the door open with a wide grin, finally laying eyes on your bird boy. He had a hand stuffed in his pocket, the other rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Hey, Y/n. So sorry I'm late, been flying all day so naturally I'm a little sore. No excuse for missing movie night but-"

"I'm just so glad you're here!" You exclaimed, taking his cheeks in your hands and rubbing at his cheekbones. "I'm so sorry you're hurting, come inside I'll get a heating pack, or a cooling pack, maybe some lotion and I could give you a massage." You babbled, tugging him inside.

"A massage and some cuddles sound great," he sighed, eyes tired. You never liked the fact that Keigo was a hero. He worked too hard, too much, and for so long. He was still young, he should be appreciating life and spending time on himself and with his lover and not with the commission. "Oh I uh, I found this for you."

He took one of your hands off his face, taking his other hand out of his pocket and pressing something cold and smooth into your palm. You opened your fingers, a soft smile growing on your face at the sight of a smooth pretty white rock with grey and black speckles.

"Oh, Kei, this is beautiful. I love it~" you pressed a kiss to Keigo's cheek, loving the way he trilled. He was always so excited to pick up random items he found pretty or interesting, and he'd always give them right to you. It was truly adorable, you loved his gifts. His wings fluttered in happiness for a moment before he winced slightly in pain, happiness vanished in a reminder of his stress from the day.

"Ouch, okay, sitting down time," he muttered, stumbling past you to flop down on the couch. You grabbed the lotion from the kitchen counter (you kept it there for whenever he came home with sore muscles). You set the stone down on the coffee table, tapping it twice in a small show of affection before sitting next to Keigo.

"Shirt off Birdie," you said, squirting some lotion into your palm before rubbing them together.

"Hey, at least buy me a drink first," he chuckled, tugging his jacket off and peeling off his tight hero shirt. You sighed, deciding not to comment on his tacky flirting, knowing you'd been dating for almost a year now.

He turned his back to you, crossing his legs. He folded his wings, lowering them to give you access to his shoulders and shoulder blades. You pressed your fingers against one of his shoulders, finding a large knot almost immediately. You heard him hiss, and your frown increased.

"I know it hurts but it will hurt a lot less when I'm finished," you told him, pressing a gentle kiss to the nape of his neck. The hair there rose against your skin, a shiver shooting down his spine. You blinked, confused at his reaction. Maybe it was uncomfortable for him. You resolved not to kiss there again.

You continued to rub against his tightened muscles, listening to his soft hisses and groans. You pulled away after about six minutes, picking up the lotion bottle and squirted some more into your palms.

"Hey, when you finish with mm~ when you finish with that shoulder could you do around my wing joints? Down my spine, y'know?"

"Are there muscles there?" you asked, most people didn't have muscles down their spines, usually it was just the ridges of said bones.

"Yeah, I do," he explained quickly. You nodded pressing into his knot, slowly working down when it eased up. You moved your fingers downwards, feeling his shoulder blades and spine before reaching his wings joints. He shuddered, similar to when you kissed his neck, but a little larger. You hummed, pressing your fingers down and finding another knot, right where his skin turned to bright red feathers.

"Oh, yeah, yeah right there that's perfect." You glanced back up at him, confused, he didn't usually speak when you massaged him, he'd also never asked for a massage so close to his wings, he was usually very cautious about having his wings touched. Maybe he'd just gotten tired of dealing with wing pains by himself, it was probably a lot different from other knots.

"I'm so sorry you have to deal with this," you cooed. "You really deserve a break, it's not healthy to work this hard all the time."

"I know, Little Feather, but it's nng- n-not my fault. The citizens need me." he panted. You sighed, moving your other hand to work out both wings' knots at the same time.

Keigo's head flopped forward, and his hand flew up to slap over his mouth, holding back a soft whine. You lifted an eyebrow in suspicion, there were only a few times when you heard him make noises like that.

Slowly, you pressed your fingers down closer to the underside, right over a few of his downy feathers.

"Oh fuck~" he hissed.

"Okay, that's it." you lifted your hands away from them, holding them in the air. "What the hell's going on with you?" His head whipped around so fast you were surprised it was still attached to his neck. His golden eyes widened, pupils blowing out, nearly completely covering the honey iris.

"W-what?" he exclaimed, feathers puffing up.

"I'm sorry if I seem mad, I'm not, I'm just- very confused. You're literally moaning. I am giving you a massage and you're moaning. Explain."

His cheeks dusted over in pink, and his eyes fell down to his lap.

"Okay uh- fuck I- this was not how I planned on telling you, erm- I promise I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable-"

"Keigo, it's alright, I'm not uncomfortable, just confused. Take a breath darling,"

"Okay, okay, okay." he took a deep breath. "My wings and back are... sensitive, like- in a sexual way. It's why I never let you touch them, I didn't want you to get uncomfortable with that."

"Oh Keigo, you should have just told me, it's perfectly alright, you know I love you, and I love your bird traits. I'm not uncomfortable with this." you smiled sweetly, pressing a hand to his cheek.

"You're- you're not?" he glanced back up at you, golden eyes filled with hope.

"Not in the slightest. To be honest, I don't see why anyone would be uncomfortable with it. It's just another erogenous zone, like someone's neck, ears, or nipples would be. And lots of people keep those bits on display."

"Thanks," he murmured, rubbing his nose against yours. "That does make me feel better, but uh- there's something else.." he trailed off, nervous.

"Your obvious boner? I was gonna leave you to take care of that yourself, but I'll gladly do it for you if you'd like."

"Oh uh-" his cheeks brightened as if attempting to match the tone of his wings. "I would very much like that," he admitted, offering you a slightly nervous smile.

"Anytime, Birdie~" you stood up, hands landing on either side of his waist as you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "But I would very much like to experiment with those wings of yours, see what we can do with them. Just how far can we go?" You smirked at him, tongue darting out to moisturize your lips. Keigo let out a soft breath, shifting against the couch to make room for the tent in his pants.

"I- I have thought about using them before- my feathers can move fast, so they can act as a vibrator if I focus, but I could never use it on myself. I know I'd get distracted, then the feather would stop moving, then I'd have to start all over again. I'd basically just be edging myself all night. I know I'd just give up and jerk off."

"I can work with that~" you pressed your lips against his, surprising him. He whined into the kiss, hands flying up to fist your shirt.

Unfair. He thought, he already had his shirt off, and he knew he'd be naked in just a few minutes, but you hadn't taken anything off yet. Knowing you, you would stay clothed just to tease him. The most you would do was lift your shirt a little to show him your stomach before quickly covering it again. That was what you usually did when you dommed. At least for the foreplay.

You pressed the tip of your tongue against his lips, pushing past his defensive barrier of shiny white teeth, perfect for the press, and you licked along the top of his mouth. His whole body shuddered against yours, his hips jerking upwards.

You grabbed his thigh with one hand, squeezing. A warning, he knew, against bucking up again, against disobeying. He tasted your saliva, feeling it pool onto his tongue. His eyes finally drooped closed, enjoying the taste of leftover's from last night's dinner on your tongue.

He whined against the back of your mouth, feeling you move your other hand up towards his back. He already knew what you were going to do. Without pulling away from the kiss, you plucked a feather about the size of his hand from his wings, running a finger down the stem, brushing it against the little red bristles. Soft against your finger, yet forcing Keigo's restrained cock to grow even harder than he ever thought possible.

You slowly pulled back from the kiss, taking his lower lip hostage between your teeth, tugging it as far as it could go before finally releasing it. You felt Keigo's hot breaths fanning out across your face, and your grin only grew. You loved breaking him apart, the strong, well-put-together Hawks was an act only for the cameras, only you could ever know the real him, the horny, whiny, needy baby he truly was.

"Look at you, falling apart already? I've barely done shit to you."

"Fuck- that's just 'cause it's you~" he purred

"Flattery won't get you anywhere, doll." Your shit-eating smirk only grew, and Keigo could feel himself melting into the couch cushions. "C'mon, take 'em off, you're a big boy, I'm sure you can do it yourself."

He nodded, hands flying away from your shirt and grappling with his belt buckle faster than you could say 'Hawks.' He tossed his belt behind the couch, not caring if it hit anything, and quickly shimmied out of his pants and underwear, letting them pool around his ankles. His cock slapped against his stomach, six inches and throbbing.

Looks like his prediction was correct. He was naked. You were not. You didn't look like you were planning on undressing anytime soon, which left Keigo feeling slightly disappointed. However, any negative emotions vanished the second you ran his bright red feather down his nose, over his lips, then under his chin. He knew immediately you were trying to lift his face with the feather, despite the single feather not being strong enough by itself, not unless it was under his control. But he was not in control, you were, and fuck it if that wasn't the best part.

"Good boy~" you praised him, sliding a hand up his bare thigh, brushing it carelessly close to his dick. He bit his lip, eyes flicking between your hand and your eyes.

"Please, please touch me," he whispered, slightly embarrassed by the situation. It had been a long while since you'd last had sex, and an even longer while since you had been the dom. He'd all but forgotten how to properly beg. You could tell.

"Come on, doll, I know you can ask me nicely, or at least better than that." He groaned, hands gripping your hips and attempting to tug you into his lap, a plan formulating in his head that ended in an amazing thighjob. But his plans never worked, not at least with you involved. No, you were too stubborn, one of the many things he loved about you. But not really in this precise situation.

"Nah ah ah~ hands off the merchandise." Your hand squeezed his thigh again, twice this time. That was all he needed to let go. He found purchase in a nearby pillow, moving it behind him and tugging on the little dangly bits on the corners. He forgot what they were called but he was ninety-five percent sure it started with a 'D' or something.

"Fuck, please, I need it, you know I need it, I-I've been nothing but good all day, please touch me, please~" He whined, eyebrows furrowing. That plus his reddened cheeks made just the cutest face. You couldn't wait to make his eyes go crooked and for him to drool.

"That's it, good boy~" You ran the tip of the feather up his cock, circling the tip. He shivered in response, biting back a loud moan. "Come on, don't make me mad, vibrate yourself with your feather~" you cooed, teasing tone making his stomach churn in the best way possible.

He bit his lip, looking down at the feather slowly circling the tip of his dick. It had already nudged his foreskin downwards, leaving the red skin fully exposed. He took a deep breath, trying to block out your presence, and how hard he was, just focusing on the single red feather, twirling around in loops.

He felt it twitch against his skin, before finally starting to shake, then at last it was vibrating. He twitched it away from his dick, slightly nervous about how it might feel. You sighed, pressing it directly onto the little hole at the tip.

"Ghhh- oh fuckkkkk~" he moaned, pressing his head against the couch cushions. It felt better than he ever possibly could have imagined. Feeling the feather on his dick, his dick against his feather, it was double the pleasure. He whined loudly when the vibrations suddenly stopped. "Nooooo I want it, bring it back, please," he begged, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"Doll I didn't even do anything. You lost focus. You gotta try a little harder." you said, tapping the feather against him again. Pre-cum stuck to it, making red glisten with a little bit of white. He cursed at the sight (and feeling) of his own pre on his feather.

Soon enough, it started to buzz again. And you put it back on him. This time, you traced it up and down his base, running it over the tip again. One of his hands flew up to his mouth, knuckles pressing against his lips. His hips bucked up against the vibrating feather.

"Ooooohhhhhh fuckfuckfuckfuck so goooood~" he moaned loudly. Again, the buzzing stopped without warning. "Nooo fuck no! I need it please fuck!" He looked like he was on the verge of tears- no way it was really that good. You'd have to ask him to use his feathers on you sometime.

"I know baby, I know," you ran your fingers through his hair, tugging lightly. His breath hitched, golden eyes filling with tears of pleasure. "But you gotta focus to get it done, okay?" he nodded, wiping his tears, but he only managed to spread the warm, salty liquid over his face, making him appear even more debauched.

How cute

You wrapped your hand around his dick when it started to vibrate again, the feather curled up between your palm and his dick. Slowly, you began to jerk him off, feeling the feather vibrate faster than you'd felt any toy vibrate, and his dick throbbing and pulsing against you left you feeling like you just might cum in your pants.

"FUCK!" he shouted, back arching off the couch. One of his legs flew upwards, toes curling around the air. He was shaking at this point, looking like he was just on the verge of cumming. "Oh, Godddd fuckkkmeeeee~" he wailed, tears overflowing and falling down his flushed cheeks.

"No god's gonna fuck you, darling, only I will because you belong to me. Isn't that right?" You pulled on his hair and his moans grew louder, the vibrations intensifying, which you thought was impossible at the rate it had been buzzing against your skin and his.

"Youuuuu fuck- I- I belong to youuuu~" he moaned, hiccuping a little.

"Fuck, you're so fucking cute like this, so adorable when you fall apart beneath me, gonna break soon?" He sniffed loudly, nodding. His moan broke out into a disappointed wail when the vibrations stopped again. He tried to get it to move but it just wasn't going to. You opened your palm, revealing the feather, the stem bent awkwardly. Hawks sighed, sadness filling his eyes.

"I was just 'bout to cum too..." he whimpered.

"Oh, you'll still cum. We don't need anything else between us anymore~" you tossed the feather aside before spitting into your palm, beginning to jerk him off again. It certainly didn't feel nearly as good as it did with the feather, but at this point, he was so close he just couldn't give two fucks about how good it felt, just that it would get him where he needs.

"Oh yes yes yes fuck yes more more- gonna cum gonna cum ooooh fuck baby you're gonna make me cum!" He cried out, bucking up into your hand, sobbing as pre ran down the sides of his dick and onto your fingers.

You pulled him to you by his hair, loving the loud moan he let out from the pain. You pressed your lips right up against his ear.

"Then fucking cum, my baby boy~" you purred seductively. Moments later, his whole body spasmed, legs shaking violently and wings flaring outwards. He wailed, screaming as he finally came into your hand, white ribbons landing on his legs, stomach, and even a little on the couch. Subconsciously, he knew he'd have to clean that up later, but he was not about to worry about that right now.

"Godamn! If that wasn't the hottest thing I've ever seen!" you exclaimed, truly in awe at just how good his orgasm looked. He had gone limp, flopped back against the couch, and panting. You pulled your hand away from his dick, licking away the bits of cum from your skin before sitting down next to him, tugging his body closer to you.

"Unf, that was the best damn orgasm of my life," he murmured, voice a little hoarse.

"Looked like it, you alright darling? Can I get you anything? Water, blankets, bath?" You worried a little, hoping you didn't completely brain-fuck him.

"Jus' some cuddles." his head flopped down on your shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as he yawned.

"Hey birdie, don't fall asleep on me," you chuckled. "We still gotta get you all cleaned up and put in bed."

"Not... a problem..." he whispered, breath tickling your skin as he nodded off.

"Heh, that's a problem," you smiled affectionately. He deserved his rest. You resolved to stay still for a little while, then clean him up as gently as you could before carrying him to bed. He wasn't that heavy, after all. "I love you, my darling Keigo~" you whispered, resting your head on top of his and closing your eyes.

Maybe the mess could be cleaned tomorrow, you were also very tired.

[alphabetbill]

Bill Skarsgard Alphabet- Your relationship with Bill

Here’s a list from A-Z about what your relationship with Bill would be like.

A list of headcannons of what Bill x reader’s relationship.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note- If one of the letters is flagged with an asterixis * it means it is slightly suggestive or NSFW. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A- Affection

Bill is actually quite affectionate with you, always preferring to have one arm around you shoulders when sitting on the couch together, holding your hand, quick kisses on the head, cheek and shoulder. Warm hugs from behind, with Bill resting his chin on your head. He likes to reassure himself by being in the comfort of your company, and it always feels so strange when he’s away from you filming on set. He likes to cuddle a lot when he wants to relax and unwind, because Bill is a pretty busy dude so whenever he can get the chance to sit back and rest with you, it’s usually on the bed taking a quick power nap before it’s back to it again.

B- Buying gifts

Bill isn’t really big on receiving big fancy gifts, because really, what would he need them for? You are the same. He does make sure to stop at each place on his press tours and pick out a souvenir to bring home to you. He also likes bringing home little props or souvenirs from set. You still have the little Pennywise teddy he got you sitting over on your desk. The little red pom-pom nose and the orange yarn fluffy hair is so adorable. 

C- Comfort

When you are feeling down or sad, Bill can nearly always pick up on it straight away. He has a way with reading people’s emotions and then employing the method of comfort that would best suit the situation. If you want to talk, he will listen, and if you want to be left alone, he will do that, but not for too long.

He’ll check up on you every so often through the day just to make sure you’re okay. Bill’s warm, gigantic hugs and reassuring kisses always manage to make you feel a bit better. When it’s Bill whose feeling off, you let him talk. Bill isn’t the kind of guy to be able to keep things bottled up for a long period of time because it tends to make him feel tired and weighed down, and that’s not a fun time for either of you. You always listen to him when he vents everything he’s feeling, usually with his head in your lap and you playing with his hair or his hands.

D- Date 

Bill would be a chill, relaxing type of guy when it comes to dates. He knows that you don’t want to be doing something big and exciting every single time, that would be tiring. He loves taking you out for dinner, but he loves making dinner for you and setting up a romantic little dinner date out on the porch or terrace, and surprising you. Often, dates between you two will be completely out of the blue. ‘Hey, want to go somewhere?’ ‘Hey lets go for a picnic by the beach’.

On the days when you guys do feel like doing something more adventurous, the zoo tends to be the fan favourite, and you also like to go skiing, and hiking to see new places and things.

E- Encouragement/Excitement 

You are both very supportive of each other and your professions, so much so that as soon as the other person catches a whiff of success, you are there to celebrate with each other by any means. You and Bill like to hype each other up and get all excited when the other person gets excited, almost as if your happiness is conjoined. You are always excited for Bill’s new projects, and support him through it all the way up until it’s completed and ready for the world to see. 

F- Fighting

Bill likes to avoid conflict, especially if it involves any kind of yelling and screaming at you, someone he loves. He doesn’t believe that yelling helps at all, infact it only makes matters worse, and instead of actually getting the other person to listen to them, it only makes them more mad and they keep on yelling when no one is actually listening. He doesn’t like yelling at you because it feels almost violent, and he doesn’t want to scare you into listening to him. He’s aware of how intimidating he looks when he’s mad. He encourages the both of you to instead sit down and talk about things maturely, talking about how he feels and why he feels that way, and always attentively listening to what you have to say as well. It’s important in the relationship that you have a sense of equality, that both go heard and your opinions both valued. From then on, depending on the severity of the argument, you move on to figure out the best solution to moving past it or around it. 

G- Gestures

Bill is big on friendly, helpful little gestures to remind you that he loves you. You both like to leave little notes in places for each other to find, with quotes or reassurances written on them like ‘You can do this!’ ‘I love you!’ ‘You look amazing today’. It gives you guys a little confidence boost, because sometimes you both need it. In terms of physical gestures, Bill likes to hold your hand a lot of the time when you walk, almost as if you might wander off and get lost if he lets go. He also likes to buy you flowers. If he sees a bunch of flowers in the shop window from the corner of his eye, and he instantly thinks of you, he will buy them for you. You aren’t really sure what use you would have for flowers, but you absolutely admire the sweet gesture.

H- How you sleep

It’s no secret that Bill is a very tall and lanky person. Because of this, sometimes its hard for him to find just the right position to sleep it, however he has learned to adjust and adapt to any position or place to make it feel comfortable. He lays on his back a lot of the time and pulls you close to him, either tucked up beside him with your arm across his torso, or with your head on his chest or heart while he plays with your hair.

You both talk for hours, and will stay up until you fall asleep mid conversation. It’s funny when Bill will be talking, and he goes to ask you a question, and he finds you fast asleep beside him. ‘Seriously? Did you just fall asleep on me? Were you listening to any of that?”

I- Impression

When Bill was first introduced to you, he thought you were so gorgeous and beautiful, with that amazing smile and beautiful eyes. He is a bit nervous at the best of times, but you made him particularly nervous. He always was conscious over the way he spoke to you and how he appealed to you. He’s had a giant crush on you since the day he met you, and knew instantly that if he didn’t do something to make you his, he would never be the same.

Your impression of him was similar. You could not believe such a handsome guy was standing right there talking to you! He made you feel a bit self-conscious, and you couldn’t form a single coherent sentence in your mind without feeling overwhelmingly flushed by him standing next to you, or ‘accidentally’ brushing up against you.

J- Jokes

Are you and Bill a playful or more serious couple?

You two are able to maintain a healthy balance of both playful and serious. You like to tease each other a lot, particularly about the height difference, and Bill’s unholy inhuman tallness. You always joke to him about how secretly Bill must have been born in a zoo to a giraffe and then dropped in Sweden by accident. 

You both know when to be serious though, and understand that not everything can be all fun and games. If someone isn’t feeling great, you can learn to adjust and turn the jokes down to make sure they are okay.

K- Kids

Bill would absolutely love to have kids with you, ideally two, not anywhere near as many as how many his parents had. He wants to be able to spread his fatherly love between children and make time for them both equally, and adore them as much as he adores you. 

L- Love 

What does Bill love the most about you? 

Physically, Bill is in love with two things- your smile and your hair. Both of these things are the two things that he thinks are flawlessly, effortlessly perfect every single time he sees you, even if you wake up in the morning with a serious case of bedhead. But Bill loves everything about you, most of all how supportive you are, and how you are always there for him even if you don’t have to be.

M- Memory/moment

Your favourite memory of you and Bill together is how it felt when he kissed you for the first time. You remember all the tingling feelings, and how excited and nervous you were, but happy that this was finally happening. 

Bill’s favourite memory is when you said yes to going out with him for the first time. He felt so accomplished and happy with himself, like if he could get the girl, he could do anything. He remembers feeling surprised that you said yes, and how scared he was that you would turn him down and tell him you weren’t interested in him in that way. 

*N- Nudes

Usually, if you do send them, it’s when Bill is away in Toronto filming a movie and he’s missing you. You both tend to flirt over text more than you do in real life.

O- Optimist level

You and Bill are both optimistic and realistic. You can see both the good side of things and the bad.

P- Period

When you are on your period, Bill knows instantly that it’s gonna be a pretty crappy time for you, so he tries to make it as least crappy as possible. He has a basket of chocolate reserved just for you on the days when it’s bad, and stays home with you all day cuddling and watching movies. If you are in a significant amount of pain, he will do most practical things for you like house work. He’s very sweet and caring for you, running to the store to get products and shamelessly carrying them. Anything for you, he’s not embarrassed, he knows that it’s a normal thing and it should be normalized for boyfriends to buy their girlfriends products. 

Q- Quality Time- how do you spend it?

You and Bill spend all the time you can possibly get with each other. All the time is quality time with you guys, and Bill makes time to set aside his work or script reading to spend time with you. He’s away for long periods of time, so he wants to make sure that he can spend enough time with you to make up for that, and make sure that you know he loves you.

R- Romantic- how much of a romantic are they?

Oh. Bill is romantic. He especially likes to wine and dine with you, making the whole setting perfect just for you. He manages to make everything romantic, everything he does, and you aren’t sure if he’s doing it on purpose or whether that’s just him as a person.

*S- Sex

You and Bill do it often, but its not seen as something at the top of importance between you. You prefer to spend time talking together and just enjoying each other’s company, rather than getting all physical. That kind of intimacy is done in the bedroom every couple of days or so, or really whenever you feel the need to. It’s important to also note that Bill is very respectful about it, and always makes sure that whatever he does you are comfortable with.

Anywhere outside the privacy of the bedroom for him always feels so awkward, and he likes both of you to be comfortable.

T- Trust

You trust Bill with your life, and he trusts you too. You feel safe opening up to him and telling him things that you normally wouldn’t tell people. You know that he would never cheat on you, and don’t get easily jealous by girls that he kisses or fake hooks up with in movies. You know that this is all staged and it is a part of acting, and always makes sure that Bill knows that it’s okay.

U- Understand

You and Bill understand each other very well. There are of course some things that you don’t get about each other, like why you like certain foods that do not go together, why you believe something, things like that. You think alike in terms of the way you look at life, and how you see the world. You feel like you guys just get each other, y’know?

V- Vulnerability 

Bill is very open with you about how he feels, and you are to him as well. If he’s sad or upset he will tell you and talk about it. He isn’t afraid that crying will make him seem less of a man, and also doesn’t judge you when you cry around him. Bill is a sap and definitely cries in sad scenes of movies. 

W- Wedding- What would your ideal wedding be?

Bill would want it to be fantastic and memorable, as I’m sure everyone would. His family and friends would be there and so would yours. It would be an outdoors wedding beneath the sunshine- provided it doesn’t rain. You would most likely go on a honeymoon to somewhere you have both always wanted to go, and it would be an amazing, relaxing get away.

*X- X-rated

Does Bill have any kinks? 

Most likely no, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t down to try new things with you.

Y- Young and beautiful- how long will you guys last?

As far as Bill is concerned, you will have children, grandchildren, and get old together. You are gorgeous now, and you will always be gorgeous to him. He is big on committing to you, and you are to him. 

Z- Zing!

How much excitement is there in your relationship? 

You guys are always adapting and adjusting to Bill being away and all kinds of things that life might throw at you. It’s pretty exciting dating an actor, isn’t it?

The thrill of secrecy and not getting caught. You often like to make bets on who will be noticed in a crowd first, you or him?

Life is just full of wonders and mystery, and you can’t wait to explore more of those together!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note- I am aware that Skarsgard is supposed to be written with an accent on the last A, but I write these lists on my laptop and the keyboard does not have an option for that. 

Thank you for reading! It took me a little while to put this A-Z list together and I would appreciate if you left a like, a comment or whatever you can to help me out. 

Want to request a Bill Skarsgard A-Z list? With your own prompt, and your desired character?

Just click here and you will be taken to the explanation page.

[theneondemonx]

MY TYPE | JJK

One Shot

▽ summary: you’ve never liked fuckboys, especially one Jeon Jungkook. But when you find yourself late at night playing a game of seven minutes in heaven with your college friends, things take a different turn.

▽ genre: porn with very little plot, college au

▽ pairings: fuckboy|jk x fem!reader

▽ words: 2192

▽ warnings: implied alcohol use, jk jerked off to your insta pics (y/n living the dream), oral sex (m receiving, deep throating), unprotected sex, lots of cum, dirty talk, nipple play, jk has a big dick

A chorus of ooohs filled the messy living room in which you and your friends were sitting in circle. It was late and most of the party guests had already gone back home, leaving just a small bunch of you and a pile of garbage all over the house. You would have gladly leave the place way earlier if it wasn’t for your best friend Se-mi, who you promised to drive back home. She insisted in staying longer to hit on Min Yoongi, one of your fellow classmates from the same major, but the guy seemed to barely notice. He might even been interested in her for all you knew: there was no way of telling, since he was always so introverted. The only person he spoke to was his disaster of a friend, Jeon Jungkook, the campus playboy.

How do they even get along? They have literally nothing in common.

And you knew this, since you had been often paired with Yoongi for some group projects during the years. The guy was cool. He was really smart and funny when you actually got to know him. He just didn’t open up easily. That’s why, even though you’ve had the opportunity to chat with him several times, you couldn’t really say you two were friends.

But back to the ooohs. The reason behind that childish reaction was to trace in the empty bottle of beer who had just stop spinning, pointing at you and the infamous Jeon Jungkook, who was having the time of his life – judging from the mischievous grin on his face.

You weren’t blind, you knew he was hot as fuck, but he was way too aware of his good looks and terribly overconfident. He was known to have slept with most girls on campus, and you were pretty sure he was more dedicated to keep his record than to actually graduate. Which, for a good student like you, was infuriating.

You had always found him annoying and obnoxious. And on top of that, you couldn’t figure out how girls seemed to fall for his cheesy lines every single time, throwing themselves at him like he was the only guy with a dick.

Sure, you didn’t really knew the guy, but in your opinion there wasn’t much to know about him. He was a cliché. And you couldn’t help but roll your eyes every time he tried to hit on you. Because he did. Of course he did. You were just his favorite type of prey: one that was not easy to catch.

“Well, you know the rules, guys. The closet is right at the end of the corridor. You have to stay in there for seven minutes. If you get out earlier, you have to kiss in front of everybody for the remaining time. And if you don’t get out.. well.. good for you.”

“Don’t worry, Jimin. Seven minutes are more than enough.” You said with a sarcastic tone, giving him a fake smile while you got up and adjusted your skirt.

Jungkook scoffed, getting up and leaning closer to your ear to talk in a low voice, but loud enough for the others to hear.

“You must have had some pretty lame sex if you think so. Hope I’ll change your mind.”

“You’re disgusting.”

And that’s how you found yourself sharing the tightest possible space with a known fuckboy like Jeon Jungkook.

As soon as you entered the closet, you pushed your back against one of the walls, folding your arms to your chest to make him understand in every possible way that you weren’t going to give into any of his shenanigans. Stupid move, since your shirt was a bit low-cut and that only made your tits pop up even more, looking like a four course meal to the blatant gaze of Jungkook.

“No class to run to this time, mh?” he immediately uttered, giving you a malicious smile while leaning with his shoulder against the door frame.

“Unfortunately.”

He rolled his eyes, darkened even more by the dim light of the small space you were both trapped in.

“Oh come on, do you really want to turn this game into seven minutes in hell? You don’t necessarily have to be a mood killer.”

“I just don’t like you, Jungkook. I know you are not used to hear it, but that’s just how it is.”

Your comeback didn’t seem to affect him at all. If anything, he just made him chuckle and slightly shake his head.

Seriously? You are that full of yourself?

“Ok, so it’s another Y/L/N Y/N who liked my photo at the gym from three years ago and then changed her whole profile in a ridiculous attempt to hide it.”

Your eyes widened and your cheeks turned suddenly red. You got caught.

“It was a mistake.” You tried to explain yourself, knowing too well that there was nothing you could say to go back from that.

He raised his eyebrow, looking straight at you from underneath his eyelashes.

“You scrolled through all my Instagram profile by mistake?”

No you didn’t. You just got curious. That’s the kind of shit you did at three in the morning when you couldn’t sleep. You just find yourself looking for weird stuff on the internet and scrolling through profiles of people you barely knew for no apparent reason. It was just a bonus point the fact that Jungkook’s profile was full of pictures of his body sculped by the gods. Sure, you were annoyed by his attitude, but you were still a woman.

“And you did it so very late at night, if I might add.” He said, taking a step forward towards you. “What were you doing, Y/N? Looking for something interesting?”

You blushed so hard that you were pretty sure he could see the redness in your cheeks even despite the poor lighting in the closet. But you couldn’t help but stare at him in the eyes like a deer caught in headlights, unable to look away from his hypnotic gaze.

“I wasn’t.” You murmured, defensively.

“You don’t have to feel ashamed, you know? I was awake too – thank God, if I might add. I would have missed it otherwise. I would have found myself locked out of that mysterious profile, unable to look at your cute pictures.” He paused, leaning way too close to your face. “Don’t tell anyone, but I had some fun with those.”

Normally, you would have told him that he was sickening, but for some reason you felt a pleasant warmth irradiating in your belly. You couldn’t help but picture him jerking off to your photos, and it wasn’t sickening at all. If anything, it was weirdly enticing.

He rested his palm on the wall, right next to your face, and looked down at your body like he was ready to devour it in one bite.

“I recognized the skirt, you know?”

You didn’t remember wearing it in one of your pictures, but it was plausible: that skirt was one of your favorites. Cute and short, but not too revealing.

“Well, I hope you saved the picture, because that’s all you’re gonna get.”

This was your response, when you actually found the courage to talk. But your voice was so low and shaky that you found it hard yourself to believe your own words. Of course he didn’t fall for it.

“Are you sure?”

You bit your lip, nodding in a last ridiculous attempt to give yourself a standoffish look, which again he didn’t buy at all.

He got even closer, slightly pressing his body against yours until your heavy breaths were melting into one another and you could feel his hardness on your stomach.

You did not respond. You were brain dead. All you could feel was your core painfully clenching around nothing and your blood flowing down to your lower belly, emptying your head of any thought beside those filled with the desire to feel his body.

“Mh.. okay..” he said, gently resting his hand on your thigh and starting to go further up with an excruciating slow pace. “So you don’t like this.”

It wasn’t a question, but it was clear he was looking for a reply you were unable to give. A soft moan escaped your lips at his gentle touch, which you didn’t move away from. A silent green light for him to go even further up, taking his caress under the hem of your skirt until his digits were brushing the damp fabric of your underwear.

“You want me to stop, Y/N?”

His words were a mere whisper against your lips to which you couldn't help but faintly gasp.

“No.” You found yourself saying, right before being cut off by the kiss he gave you, pressing his lips against yours and spreading them open for his tongue to enter your mouth.

You moaned, melting like pudding against his body while his fingers started drawing slow circles on your sensitive clit.

“For someone who finds me disgusting you got yourself soaking wet pretty fast, princess.”

His provocative words only got you wetter and needier, pushing you to the edge of your psychological barricade. Your hands rushed to his belt, unbuckling it with fast and sloppy movements until you could zip down his jeans, letting his hard cock spring free in front of you.

Fuck he’s big.

He seemed to have somehow read your thoughts in your eyes, since he chuckled, guiding your hand to wrap around his width and slightly moving it up and down while letting out a raspy moan.

“Are you gonna be a good girl and take me in your mouth, princess?”

You licked your lips, looking up at him with your eyes filled with lust while you slowly got to your knees. You never broke eye contact, pumping him slowly but steadily before swirling your tongue around the tip of his cock, covered with precum.

“Tastes good?”

“Mhmh.” You nodded with a mischievous smile on your face.

Your mouth soon wrapped around his cock, taking it all in until you started gaggin a bit for the length. A reaction which made him moan loudly and grab your hair, steadying his grip in order to guide your head in the increasing pace.

“Fuck your mouth feels so good.”

“You like it? Is this what you pictured while jerking off to my photos?” You said during a small pause, not even giving him the time to respond with anything but a loud moan, since you immediately got back to deep throating his cock like it was your last meal.

“Fuck I’m close.”

Those words only made you move faster, keeping your eyes locked with his to take in every ounce of pleasure you could get from him. And at that point there wasn’t much he could do to hold back. You suddenly felt his hot semen spilling down your throat.

However, you only had the time to swallow before he leaned down, wrapping his arm around your waist and lifting you up with ridiculous ease.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, letting him push you against the wall and move your wet panties to the side to sink deep inside your throbbing core.

You let out a sharp moan, welcoming his size between your tight walls with pleasurable pain. One of his hands got under your shirt and bra, squeezing your breast and tracing circles with his thumb on your hard nipple.

“Look at you. You got so wet just by sucking my cock, baby?”

His words were again a lustful whisper against your parted lips, but you were unable to respond – your voice cut by the deep thrusts he was torturing you with. You were sure, however, that the lewd sounds of your wetness were enough of an answer to him.

“Such a pretty little slut. What are you gonna tell the others when they’ll see my cum dripping down your thighs?”

You moaned loudly, helping his pace with the movements of your own hips to take him even deeper.

“I’m gonna tell them that this lame sex little slut made you come twice in a row.”

He groaned, thrusting harder in you.

“You are so fucking hot.”

The pace got quicker and quicker until you found yourself out of breath, calling his name in between moans while your legs started shivering, signaling your forthcoming orgasm. And when it came, it hit you like a train, making you grab his hair and moan loudly while your walls clenched around his cock. You felt him twitch inside you until he sank deep with sloppy thrusts, releasing his orgasm inside you with a raspy moan.

You two took some moments to relax your racing heartbeats, leaning against each other's forehead with eyes closed and heavy breaths.

When you felt again capable of speaking, you let out a pretty laugh, pressing your palm against his cheek.

“Hope this memory will serve you well for your future lonely nights.”

He laughed, caressing your nose with the tip of his.

“Trust me, this won’t stay in the past.”

“Jerkass.”

“Nerd.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: what if jc was lxc's age (and jyl maybe 2 or 3 years older) and wwx was lwj's/nhs' age when he was brought to lotus pier? (Or anything that involves a much bigger age gap bw the jiang sibs and wwx - where wwx is babey)

Untamed

“You know what,” Jiang Cheng said to his sister, who looked at him. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not marrying a woman.”

Jiang Yanli’s lips started twitching uncontrollably and she hid her smile behind her sleeve. “Oh?”

“Nope. I’m going to marry Chifeng-zun.”

“On the basis of…?”

“If you take two adult men in charge of two Great Sects,” Jiang Cheng said, doing his utmost best to keep a straight face, “with all the power we can generate between us, we might – maybe – have a chance at disciplining our baby brothers.”

Jiang Yanli burst out laughing.

“There, there. It’s all right,” he said, grinning, reaching out to pat her on the shoulder. “You can join us if you’d like. There’s enough room in Qinghe for two wives.”

“We are not both running away to Qinghe,” she said, giggling. “A-Cheng!”

“What? I think it’s a great idea. If our parents want us back, they can negotiate with Chifeng-zun for it – may they have more luck than they had with the whole medicinal herb debacle.”

“A-Cheng, I am officially tabling this idea,” Jiang Yanli said, still snorting. “Older sibling privilege.”

“I let you out of the womb first as a matter of courtesy,” Jiang Cheng sniffed. “And now you use it against me? A-Li, how could you?”

“Call me jiejie! It doesn’t matter how much older, a few shichen or a few years, older is still older.”

“You probably elbowed me with those sharp pointy things you have on your arms. Weapons of war.”

“Older is older!” she sang. “Now tell me, what did A-Xian do this time?”

“Would you like it in chronological order, or in order of severity? I can also group it by theme, if you prefer.”

“Oh no,” Jiang Yanli said, covering her eyes. “Oh no.”

“And the chief-most theme,” Jiang Cheng said, continuing anyway, “is still called Lan Wangji.”

“Oh no!”

“He has the worst crush,” Jiang Cheng said, shaking his head with endless amusement. “And he just – refuses to admit it. ‘Nooooo, shixiong, we’re just friends, he can’t even stand me most of the time, he’s always trying to get me in trouble, but sometimes he lets me sit next to him and spend time with him and he’s so handsome and I really just want to make him laugh –’”

“We have,” Jiang Yanli said thoughtfully, “raised an idiot.”

“He was fine when we got him,” Jiang Cheng disagreed. “We have spoiled an idiot.”

“This is true. Maybe we should go form a mutual complaining society with Chifeng-zun; isn’t his little brother also an idiot?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jiang Cheng said. “Worse: they’ve teamed up. Nie Huaisang buys Wei Wuxian porn now.”

“Oh no…”

“In return for help cheating on his tests!”

“Oh no!”

“So that’s why I’m going to marry Chifeng-zun,” Jiang Cheng concluded. “Our parents may be disappointed by my decision, but with our powers combined, we might be able to save the world from our respective younger idiots.”

“Maybe,” she said, and shook her head. “A-Cheng – about our parents…”

Jiang Cheng shook his head as well, echoing her action but more in denial. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that she took after their father and he took after their mother, that she was born a shichen prior to midnight and he a shichen after and their personalities completely different as a result; it was no one’s fault that their parents didn’t get along, with their mother disdaining what she perceived as Jiang Yanli’s passiveness and lack of passion and their father despising Jiang Cheng’ prickly temper and difficulty communicating his affection without scolding.

It certainly wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s fault for being younger and more brilliant, talented at everything he did and with just the sort of personality their father liked best – the combination of his former best friend and the girl he’d once thought of marrying – and that he’d always made that preference very clear to everyone, even to their mother who often worried that her husband would dispossess her children in favor of his foundling and who lashed out at everyone in response.

That had hurt – hurt a lot, even, and Jiang Cheng was soft and sensitive underneath all his defensive layers, but any time he got angry over it he would look at Wei Wuxian, their little A-Xian, baby Xianxian, who adored his older siblings more than anything and was adored in return, and he forced himself to get over it. He was old enough, by the time Wei Wuxian arrived, to know to whom the blame really belonged.

“I spoke with Nie Huaisang while I was at the Cloud Recesses,” Jiang Cheng said in an undertone, one reserved just for his sister. “He’s asked me to pass along a message to his brother, the next time I go night-hunting, about the whole debacle – he’s so terribly apologetic, you understand, he couldn’t wait for the post – if we get to Qinghe by tomorrow, Chifeng-zun will be able to get to Gusu in time to intervene before our father does something wretched like cancel your engagement and take A-Xian home early from his studies.”

“The engagement I wouldn’t mind,” she remarked. “If Jin Zixuan feels so strongly about it that he’d get into a fistfight with A-Xian, it’s better not to marry, no matter what our mother might think. But on no account is A-Xian to be sent home early! He needs his education!”

Unsaid was everything else he needed, things he could get better at the Cloud Recesses than anywhere else.

“Then we go?”

“We go,” she agreed. Between the two of them, Jiang Cheng had more talent at cultivation, but she was steadier, even in her overall mediocrity: when the two of them flew on a sword together, they could make it much further and faster than anyone expected.

Qinghe wasn’t really close enough for a quick jaunt – they flew all night without stopping – but Chifeng-zun was amendable to their scheme, jumping at once onto his saber and making his way straight to Gusu. A waste of spiritual energy all around, really, but far faster than their father would move, with his Sect Leader’s dignity and retinue, rushing to the Cloud Recesses to save his precious little Wei Wuxian from having any connections in life that weren’t to the Jiang sect, and the Jiang sect alone. 

And never mind how much he needed those connections: needed to have friends his own age, needed to have more time with that crush of his, needed independence and freedom and everything the Jiang sect supposedly stood for - needed for them to support him and act as the foundation beneath his feet, rather than the chains tying him down to earth.

Chifeng-zun – who was only a few years older than they were – was really a very understanding person, getting the problem at once and immediately agreeing with their view on things. Perhaps there really was something to be said about the difference in generations…

“Let me show you to rooms where you can rest,” Chifeng-zun’s aide said, a slender young man with a polite smile on his face as he saluted. “I’ll arrange for refreshments as well.”

“We hate to trouble you, but in all honesty you are a lifesaver,” Jiang Yanli said to him warmly, and he unexpectedly flushed red at the cheeks. “A-Cheng, let’s follow this handsome young man and rest a while before we return to the Lotus Pier.”

The young man was blushing.

“What’s your name?” Jiang Cheng asked, and the blush faded away at once as the man paled a little: it would be one he expected them to recognize, then, and not in a good way.

“This one is Meng Yao,” he said, and saluted again even though he’d already saluted once before, and Jiang Yanli’s eyes flickered to Jiang Cheng’s very briefly before she caught his arms and raised him up.

“I’ve heard of you. Smart and talented enough to get Chifeng-zun’s attention, even so far as becoming his personal deputy - you must be brilliant. Truly, you deserve a better father,” she told him, and he stared up at her, dumbstruck.

“Don’t mind her,” Jiang Cheng said. “She’s trying out this new thing in which she says everything she feels without thinking first.”

She elbowed him. “And isn’t it your fault?” she asked snappishly. “You’re the one who needs to speak your mind more; I’m just modeling good behavior!”

If she’d been older than him – really older, rather than just a few shichen – maybe she would have held her tongue more and played the role of the peacekeeper, trying to protect him from his father’s indifference the way she had tried to when they were both younger, just as he had tried to distract his mother from her with his hard-fought accomplishments. It wasn’t until they had little Wei Wuxian to spoil and care for, a joint task that required both of their attention, that they realized that splitting their forces like that was pointless and self-defeating: it wasn’t actually helping that Jiang Yanli suppressed so much of her spirit until she felt like little more than a reflective mirror with no content, nor that Jiang Cheng nearly worked himself to death trying to prove that he was worthy of his father’s love and respect that he would never receive, and it never would.

So they stopped.

They were trying very hard to stop, anyway.

“You’re very kind,” Meng Yao murmured, and led them to their rooms.

The moment he closed the door behind him, Jiang Yanli turned to Jiang Cheng and said, “I’ve changed my mind about your plan – we can run away to Qinghe. You marry Chifeng-zun, and I’ll marry that charming boy out there.”

There was an audible thudding sound from the corridor outside, as if someone had accidentally walked into a wall, and they both grinned at each other.

“Mother would kill you,” he warned her in an undertone.

“And being married to someone who disdains me enough to fight over my worthlessness in public wouldn’t?” she retorted, smiling even though her expression was tinged with pain: if she had one ambition in life, it was to never become their mother. “The marriage agreement might have been forged by our mothers, but the text of it says ‘the Jin sect leader’s son to the Jiang sect leader’s daughter’. Why can’t I marry him?”

“He hasn’t been acknowledged.”

“Only technically. Everyone knows he’s the real deal, or else his father wouldn’t have made such a fuss about it.”

“But –”

“Anyway, he must be a good man, or Chifeng-zun wouldn’t have promoted him.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jiang Cheng said. “Chifeng-zun doesn’t have the sense of self-preservation the heavens bestowed on a lemming.”

There was a vaguely audible snort from outside their door. It seemed Meng Yao, at least, had the good sense not to leave guests in his house unattended, and no discrimination against the very useful business of listening at doors.

He also had a sense of humor, which was good given Jiang Yanli’s newfound ambitions in his regard.

“Yes, well, I wasn’t saying I’d elope with him tomorrow or anything,” she sniffed, eyes dancing. “Give him some time to prove himself to me.”

Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but smile back. “That’s true,” he said, raising his voice a little. “At Chifeng-zun’s side, he’ll be able to make a name for himself until the whispers all say that his father was an idiot for keeping him away.”

“And if even that doesn’t work, I’ll marry him in and make him help me run the Jiang sect,” she said cheerfully. “Who needs Lanling Jin?”

“Wait, since when are you inheriting the Jiang sect?”

“I’m older! And anyway, aren’t you marrying Chifeng-zun? That means you’ll be away helping run his sect, and that leaves an opening at home for me.”

“…huh. Good point.”

“Maybe you can just swap places with Meng Yao,” she said, starting to giggle again. “And we can all see how long it takes anyone to notice…”

“Our parents might not,” Jiang Cheng said dryly. “But Chifeng-zun would. If only because I have my sights set on his bed, and I don’t think Meng Yao does.”

“You don’t know that; everyone wants Chifeng-zun. Maybe you have competition.”

“Better to have competition than be oblivious. Do you want to hear the whole story about A-Xian and Lan Wangji’s tragic mutual pining disaster? Xichen-xiong told me all the details he’s been leaving out of his letters.”

“Tell me everything!”