#i too would like to politically murder the ones who abused me and take over their land and subjects

[r3starttt]

Look what you started

a/n: i love this sm, first time writing something +18 detailed so any suggestions are more than welcomed 🩷

Prt 2.

Warnings: mentions of murder, stabbing, blood, bullying, oral (r! receiving) fingering (r! receiving), dom e!, sub r!, “mama” “princess” “babe/baby”.

and I think that’s all, let me know if there’s something else Ty!

“You took this shit from zero to a hundred, babe”

You’ve gotten into a very privileged arts university. Your dream had always been becoming an artist so you’d do anything necessary to achieve it. You got there with help of a scholarship and even though you weren’t the only one, people couldn’t contain themselves, so they stared to make fun of you for not being as rich at them, how fucking stupid.

But how could you guilt them? they were born rich, grew up rich, didn’t had to fight for anything in life and all of them were ignorants with luck, very good luck. And then there was you and all the other not so privileged students who had to prove they were worth the money. Who had to basically beg to be where they were and who had to conform with being treated like dogs.

And your life was that until you meet Ellie. People talked about her and how cruel she was, yet for you she was just another rich girl at your school.

There were rumors about how she got killed anyone who deared to disrespect her the minimum, or at least that’s what people thought since every time someone didn’t treated her with pure privilege they would loose everything and then disappear.

She was also the best student, excellent grades, loads of awards and recognitions, never had failed an exam in her whole life. And of course people talked about it, because as much as rich kids try to bully the non privileged, they’ll still recognized they’re unable to be smart and try hard, they’re too privileged to even think about it.

So when Ellie first approached to you when you were on the library preparing for an exam you thought your life was over. You thought you had nothing to offer to her so you probably did something that got her mad without realizing. Maybe she got mad because she noticed how you stayed nearby whenever people gossiped about her?. Whatever it was, this was it. You were the perfect target.

“I’ve been looking at you for a while, I like you” you freezed, she looked so serious and confident to be lying, why would she? “Let’s go on a date, if you don’t like me back I’ll leave you alone” you probably looked as freaked out as you felt because a smirk formed on her freckled face “I won’t hurt you I promise, not unless you do something wrong” you didn’t cared if she meant it or not, if this was a threat or a very cheap way to try and convince you. Whatever it was you couldn’t take any risks “it’s fine, I’d like to”.

And that’s how all started, she wasn’t anything like what you were expecting. She was caring and so polite. After the first date you had with her you couldn’t help but fall for her completely. So you kept going on dates until eventually you’ve started to date officially.

People kept on talking shit about you, and it got even worse once you started to date her. Comments about how you were only with her for the money and how you’d dump her once collage was over were the ones that repeated the most.

And Ellie couldn’t take it. She tried her best to not care until you got physically abused by one of those students. It was the first time you feared her, she was mad and screaming at you, you feared she could hurt. And ironically it was that same fear that made you confess yourself in the very beginning.

One week or so after the incident, the girl that had left your body bruised went to you, screaming how a bitch you were for complaining to Ellie. She told you how her parents got fired, how she had got expulsed from collage and how her life was going down, how this was all your fault.

And you knew nothing about her after that day. Until Ellie took you on a date, or so you thought, because where you got to the place you were supposed to have the date you saw her, the girl that had spread rumors about you, the girl that grabbed you by the hair because she was jealous and then proceeded to hit you.

And you were confused, blinded. You knew what this was all about but didn’t want to accept it.

You were in front of the girl, she was on her knees, arms and legs tied up “I’m so sorry, I swear I won’t tell anyone just let me go. You’ll never see me again please” the girl begged, her voice was loud and shaky.

“Girl, you know what you did”

You turned your face to look at Ellie, she was sitting on a chair behind you. You were studying her face, but there was no single thing you could read on her. Her gaze turned straight to your scared eyes “cmon… what’re you scared of mhm?” her voice was the same gentle one that made you fall in love with her yet you were freaked out “go on pretty girl, I know you can do it” she stood up and walked to you, cupping your almost teary face with her cold hands “do it for me yeah?” her lips pressed on yours and then she let go of you.

She leaned you a knife and caressed your shaky hand softly with her thumb, you could feel her eyes looking through you. You just nodded quietly, letting her know you would do it.

“Look what you started”

The girl kept on screaming and begging for you to stop, but the fear, the shock and the rage combined on your body made you blurry her voice. You could her nothing but your heavy breathing and the way your steps sounded on the floor as you got closer.

And just as you blinked you realized the knife in your hand was now buried deep into the girls neck. Blood all over your face, all over your body. You hated blood, even your own, you wanted to throw up. Your hand moved without you realizing it, in and out of the girls body. Blood kept coming out, making a mess of you.

You felt sick, not because of what you did but because of how dirty you were. Just before your thoughts could get all over your mind, a pair of cold hands embraced your body from behind, taking the knife slowly off your hands.

“You did so good baby” her hands move from your hands to your shoulders, the knife was now on her hands. She turned you around softly and hugged you tightly. You could hear her heartbeat as she pressed your head on her chest. “I’m so proud of you, you’re good now, calm down yeah?” You felt her rubbing your back with her hand, up and down on until the euphoria eventually disappeared.

She assured you her dad would take care of it, you trusted her since now you knew it wasn’t the first time this happened. You took a last glance on the girls cold dead body before Ellie escorted you away, back to the car she had drove you on before all happened.

During the drive home you could only stare at her. You felt the dried blood all over you and some hairs sticking on your face. Your mind was so full of thoughts It felt empty. This was the first time you killed someone, how could you pretend everything was fine?

There was a mix of euphoria and insane guilt, seeing them bleed out on the floor infront of you and ellie after you’ve stabbed them was disgusting and just shocking.

“What’s going through your head?”

As ellie drove, she looked over at you a few times with a smug smile, noticing how you were staring back “why are you so quiet? are you worried you’ll get caught?” her right hand moved on top of yours, tangling her fingers with yours. “Mhm?…no” you let out a loud sigh “just…. It’s the blood, I hate it”

“Are you sorry?”

“you’ll get used to it babe” ellie said in a reassuring tone as she looked back out on the road, continuing to drive them back to Ellie’s apartment “its always hard in the beginning, the guilt can make you want to throw up and you dont even realize how much you want to look away when the blood begins to pour”

“There’s nothing else to say”

You just nodded in silence. You were too shocked to do anything else, too tired from your thoughts to speak as you usually did. “I’ll be good, I’ll get over it” you reassured, more for yourself than to calm Ellie.

The rest of the drive back to Ellie’s was quiet. Just some music from the radio that you eventually turned on to try and focus on something else than your sticky body and the smell of blood all over you.

Once you got there she helped you get out of the car, grabbing your hands all the way to her apartment. Everything felt so surreal. Time was slow yet so fast and your body felt like it wasn’t yours. Maybe it was the smell of blood that was overwhelming you.

She lead you to her bathroom and turned the water on for you to shower. Her hands were all over your body as she helped you get undressed “you won’t to it again, I just wanted that bitch to get what she deserved” you felt her lips pressing on your forehead gently and her hands holding yours “it’s okay ellie, I’m fine” your appearance said the total opposite. Tainted cheeks, plump shaky lips that you were biting since you got out of the car, teary empty eyes and a body full of blood. Yet Ellie showed no mercy or empathy towards you, she did loved you, just not enough to feel pity for your looks. She had got what she wanted from you.

Ellie got in the shower first, leading you with her hands holding yours. You felt the hot water running all over your tense body, you could see how it turned red and how the blood on your face started to run all over your body, from your hair to your toes.

She helped you to clean yourself, she was moving your body as she wanted to, yet you didn’t hesitate. Too full of thoughts to even try to.

Her hands full of shampoo giving you a scalp massage, then full of soap removing the blood from your body. Soft kisses here and there as she cleaned you. Her hands all over your body, so tender and gentle. “Hey…. look at me, mhm? c’mon” you stared at her tattoo as she grabbed you by your chin “stop thinking about it, we’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll never dare to put you in any danger” your eyes finally connected with hers, and so did your lips. Water running in between your bodies and mouth, tasting a bit like soap.

Ellie slowly ran her fingers down your torso, your hips, and your thighs, as a corky smile appeared in her face “you’re so beautiful” she whispered gently “and you’re all mine”. her lips kept on going lower and lower leaving tiny bites and kisses from your jawline, to your neck, to your clavicle. Her body pressed close against yours as water run in between.

You felt how her lips latched around one of your hardened nipples, sucking on it as one of her hands toyed with the other. A low whimper came out of you now slightly opened mouth as your hands moved at the back of Ellie’s hair, playing with it. She kept on leaving kisses all over your body, a few small bruises on your chest.

Ellie started to slide down on her knees, slowly, dragging her nails along your tender skin. You moved your head along her body, staring at her every move. Your hands cupping Ellie’s face gently, making her look back at you.

She stared back as she let her fingers gently move up and down your body, feeling the smoothness of your skin under the warm water. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you, ever” she spoke softly, pulling your body close to her.

"I love you" you replied on a whisper. Your hands moved closer to Ellie’s lips, moving your thumb on top of her lips, caressing them. Ellie moved her mouth to cover your thumb, kissing it and sucking it slightly. “i love you too princess".

Just as you removed your thumb from her pretty lips you saw how she got her face close to your cunt, leaving small kisses on it as her hands move around your thighs. Her nose pressing on your clit caused shivers all over your body, moving your hands back to Ellie’s hair, pulling her even closer to you.

The mix of the warm water and your skin sticking on her made it so hard for her to breathe but she didn’t mind it, she was to focused on your pleasure and how delicious you taste to even bother.

Her tongue slowly sliding in between your folds as her nose presses on your plump delicate bud. You kept on letting out small whimpers, almost as if you were crying from pleasure, needy for more.

Her hands moved up, from your thighs to your breasts, cupping them and toying with your nipples again. Her tongue moving up and down, side to side and in all posible patterns on your sensitive cunt, teasing you by licking just outside your entrance.

She continued with her motions, until you were shaking and feeling a knot of pleasure forming on your stomach. Just as you’re nearing your orgasm she stops abruptly. Both, her hands and tongue stopped moving.

Before a confused look could form on your face, her right hand slid down your body to your now aching cunt, slowly circling your entrance “you’re doing so good for me baby” her face moved to make eye contact with you once again, smiling at the sight of your desperate face “let me hear you mhm? be loud for me” and you nodded.

Two of her fingers finally plunged in, curling and hitting just the right spot. You did as she asked and started to moan her name loudly “m-mmhm Ellie…. please” your voice came out a bit shaky.

“please what mhm? say it mama, c’mon” her thrusts became more aggressive each second, making it harder for you to speak, to focused on the pleasure “m-more” you managed to beg.

Her face got closer to your clit again, sucking on it as her fingers kept on thrusting on your cunt. The sound of your whimpers made her grown, sending vibrations to your sensitive bud and making you moan nonstop.

“m’gonna cum” you moan dumb, and you can feel how she get more aggressive and fast, until the knot on your stomach finally releases. And as you turn your face down you can see her licking all.

Her fingers kept on moving after you had released, slowing down and finally retiring them out of your cunt, licking them.

She gave you a small kiss on one of your thighs before standing up again. Water running over your bodies “liked your reward?” she said gently, pressing her lips with yours before you could even answer. You could feel her smiling.

“If this is what I’ll get for killing annoying bitches then I’ll do it more frequently” your breathing was still a bit shaky as you spoke, making Ellie chuckle “you’ll get this just for being with me”.

And now it’s your turn to clean her properly, and maybe even reward her back, just for having a soft spot for you.

-

Prt.2

[cheshirebitch]

Here me outtttttttt, Alastor or Lucifer (your choice) with a reader who has dabi’s power from MHA🫢

This actually sounded so good that I HAD to immediately put this power with Lucifer. I love that depressed duck man. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

𝔹𝕦𝕣𝕟 𝕄𝕖 𝔹𝕒𝕓𝕪

Lucifer x Reader (with Dabi’s powers)

As an overlord, you become used to people offering to team up with you, threats and attacks, and finding people to make contracts with. I normally was categorized as one of the “better” ones to have your soul sold to, unlike the Vee’s. Alastor was the one below me, but still wasn’t the best with how he treated his poor souls under his contract. What really scared people was when they heard why I was in hell instead of heaven with how I treated other souls here.

I died in an ironic way, burning from my own arson. My abuser was caught with another victim, but didn’t face any consequences for his actions. Therefore, I made sure he did by burning his home down while he was sleeping in it. I knew I would face murder charges and never see the sun again, so I burned inside with him, holding the door shut to the bedroom after nailing his windows shut. Due to my arson crime, I was sent to hell with the “gift” of blue flame. It looked beautiful but burned anyone who came too close. I was currently in a meeting with the overlords, playing with my blue flames on my fingers when Valentino came up to me, Lucifer watching from behind.

“So, how much did you say for Angel Dust’s soul?” His shit eating grin sparkling with the golden tooth. A polite smile twitched before I calmly responded.

”I would like to simply have his contract under myself instead of you with a buy-out price of the soul of Velvette’s.” I smiled with lidded eyes watching his cocky attitude melt away. All he knew was that I was interested in buying Angel Dust’s soul from him, never knew with what.

“Velvette didn’t sell her soul?” He sounded unsure as he glanced over my shoulder to Vox and Velvette waiting by the door to leave.

”You really think she had those powers when she came down here a couple years ago? You really are foolish.” I went to turn around, making Valentino panic. He gripped my arm, burning his hand instantly with my blue flame. My eyes were glowing an electric blue as the blue flames replaced my hair, flickering in the air. Valentino pulled back, holding his hand and looking in fear. He immediately fixed his tone, switching to an angry one.

“You bitch!” I was quickly losing my temper with how he was acting. If I slipped up and let my anger take over, I was doomed to explode blue flames everywhere. Lucifer was watching still from behind Valentino, ready to step in if I looked any more agitated than I already was.

“Do we have a deal or not, Valentino?” I stressed with my eyes and hair a flaming blue, the King of Hell already cutting off his current conversation. Valentino looked like he was actually considering taking my offer but was still angry with my skin burning him.

“Fine, I will release Angel Dust under you if you release Velvette to me.” My hand stuck out quickly in front of him and I made sure to burn his hand again, scarring one of his fingers as a reminder of this deal. Permanently burned into his memory that I was not a friend but an enemy that will always have the upper hand. Lucifer was by my side watching Valentino shake his hand violently in pain, hissing out curses. Vox and Velvette also joined, Vox aggressively inspecting his hand.

“What did you do?” Velvette started accusing me, pointing a finger in my face.

“We traded you.” I spoke simply as Lucifer caught up on what was going on.

I met Lucifer two weeks ago, outside of the professional setting, when Charlie and Vaggie asked for my help on something. They were referred to me by Alastor and Rosie, saying I was the only one with the power to get Angel Dust out of his abusive contract with the Vee’s. Lucifer had the power too, but it would cause an uprising. Of course I agreed for many reasons. But, it also got me involved in her hotel idea. I didn’t mind at all since it got me to become closer to Lucifer, even though we only met outside of meetings a couple times now.

“Who did you trade Val?” Vox grabbed his shoulders, getting in his face while his voice distorted with his anger. Lucifer glanced at me, silently approving of the accomplishment for his daughter.

“Listen, what’s done is done. You can’t undo it and it was his choice. If you have a problem, handle it outside of here.” He ushered the rest of the overlords out of the meeting room, shutting the door with both of us still inside. I took a couple deep breaths knowing I needed to calm down before I blew a fuse, literally.

”Did you get it?” Lucifer turned around, taking long strides to close the distance between us. He was smiling excitedly, enough that I felt like his eyes were stars. My laugh slipped out before I look at him, feeling comfortable.

”Did you doubt me? Of course I have his contract now. It cost me one of my upper hands over the Vee’s but anything is worth it for your daughter and her dream.” I smiled at Lucifer, holding my palm out to show a miniature Angel Dust in my blue flames form. I closed my palm when he leaned in a little too close for my comfort. I didn’t want to burn him.

”I still can’t believe you even had that girl’s soul!” I watched him take off his white hat, placing it calmly onto the table where we all gathered just a few minutes ago. My fingertips glided over the glass top, melting the glass slightly. The feeling of it melting and the smell of char forced my reflexes to kick in, pulling my hand away before I damaged it more. Lucifer, of course, noticed how it was molted now.

“Do you always get hot when you’re mad?” He spoke casually before turning as red as the apple on his hat. Immediately stuttering and waving his hands dismissively, realizing how it sounded. I watched him stutter through an explanation of what he meant with an upside down smile.

”I- uh- I- I didn’t- ha ha- I meant temperature. Anger causes high temperatures.” I laughed, deciding to put him out of his embarrassing misery.

“Thank you and yes.” I flicked my fingers to show the tips of them lit with the blue flame. Lucifer looked enchanted by the flames and before I could stop him, he reached out and touched them with his bare hands. I tried putting my flames out but what I noticed stopped me dead in my tracks.

”Why aren’t you being burnt horrifically?” I watched as my flames licked his skin, not burning it to a crisp. Lucifer watched as his hand held my flame instead. Truly, it astounded me considering no one could handle my flames, absolutely nothing could. What made it worse was trying to keep myself under control as I felt Lucifer’s hands softly graze my own. I didn’t know if it was just the fact that no one else has been able to even touch me without being burned by the heat of my body, the way the flame reflected in his golden and crimson eyes, or maybe it was the way I couldn’t ever keep my eyes off of him in the first place. Especially working with him outside of professional work, I have been able to look at him as more than just someone higher than me.

“It really is a beautiful flame.” His eyes were so enamored by it, he didn’t even get embarrassed or nervous. It was like we both were lost in something truly breathtaking, him with my unique flame and myself with how he looked illuminated by it. Lucifer glanced at me twice before he completely looked away from the blue flame on each of my fingertips. Gentle pale fingers pushed a hair out of my face, blue flames that were pieces of my hair. My hair and eyes were fully enflamed. I was increasing in temperature, which was dangerous considering the last man I thought I could attempt something with, was burned alive after our first kiss.

”You really are something, (Y/n).” He knew the right words to say to win my heart, but the wrong one to not make me burst into complete flames. What surprised me was how he still was able to hold his hand to my cheek.

“Seriously, how are you doing that?” I nervously laughed, awaiting for me to set the King of Hell ablaze.

“What do you mean?” He furrowed his brows, absentmindedly still holding my cheek. I could feel myself burn hotter from it.

”Everyone else who has even stood too close to me when I was like this, were burned to a crisp.” Maybe that was too blunt. Did I just scare him away?

”Wow! Really? That’s actually really interesting. Can you burn hotter?” His eyes were full of curiosity like a child. This man was really crazy if he expected me to try and kill him. I closed my eyes and took a couple deep breaths to extinguish myself.

“Too far?” He laughed nervously, pulling his hand away from me.

“I don’t feel like trying to kill the King of Hell today, I’m sure Alastor would love to do that though.” I teased, attempting to distract the poor thing from being too self conscious. I must’ve hit a nerve though, triggering a rant instead.

”Don’t get me started on that wannabe!” He rolled his eyes and took a couple steps, gaining me the moment and space to clear my thoughts better. Deep breaths, I need to take deep breaths and stop letting a man who probably doesn’t feel the same fluster me like that. I stood up and fixed mty outfit, smoothing my appearance out. By the time Lucifer turned back around, I had myself looking sharp and proper.

“He has been provoking me on purpose! You saw how he acts with Char Char! It’s like he only wants to act like her father figure just to get under my skin.” He ran his hands down his face. Metal glistened in the light, catching my eyes rather efficiently.

Oh. That’s right.

”Speaking of Charlie, I should probably head over to the hotel to pass along the news that I was successful in her request.” Averting my eyes from the man in front of me, I felt the choking reality that he was probably still in love with his extremely long term marriage partner and mother to his only child. I sucked a deep breath in before flashing a small polite smile.

”Oh, yeah. I’m sure she will be excited to hear the news.” I felt the room turn into an uncomfortable atmosphere. I looked at him in pity before sighing and sitting back down.

”Can I ask you a personal question?” I crossed one leg over the other, motioning for him to take a seat.

“uh- sure…?” He sat down, crossing his legs and leaning back fully in the chair. He was rolling up his sleeves then he ran his hands down the arms of the chair before gripping the ends in his hands nervously.

”Why do you still wear the ring? I think we both know she isn’t coming back, sweetheart.” Maybe that was also too blunt but I think he might need a shove into reality. He has been kind of in limbo for seven years. Last I checked, even Charlie had come to terms that her mom wasn’t coming back, at least not any time soon. I have had extensive conversations about it with her, even helping her realize her feelings of abandonment were valid.

“I don’t know.” He looked lost and his fingers traced over the metal, sliding it off. I stuck my hand out and stared at him, not once looking at the metal itself. He held it tighter in his hand before seeming to realize something internally.

”Lucifer, you need to let go at least enough to take care of yourself. It really isn’t healthy to hold on to something that is only causing pain and misery, now is it?” He looked defensive at first before blinking it away, replacing it with defeat and placing the ring in my hand. It instantly melted to liquid before I delicately morphed it into an “L” pendant with a thin chain. I may have helped him make the first step, but I wasn’t about to get rid of something so familiar to him. He would have to make that decision himself one day, I just nudged him in the right direction. Especially if he is still in deep love with her.

”I can give it to Charlie, see what she thinks the ‘L’ stands for. If she chooses me, that’s great, but if she chooses her mother, that’s also great that she can find it in herself to forgive her.” He hesitated, holding the chain.

”I don’t think I can ever forgive her for it, nor want to.” His eyes looked back up to mine, holding the gaze as he whispers, “I’m actually okay with her being gone now.” My brows furrowed as I waited for him to elaborate.

”I would’ve never had the chance to notice a beautifully complicated woman.” I felt my face burn, along with my whole body. I couldn’t control the high temperature and involuntarily burnt the chair completely before I was able to put myself out.

“I’m sorry, I can get a new chair!”

(As always, characters belong to their owner and the story belongs to me. If you have any requests or ideas, send them over :)! I will gladly try to write things for my supporters! Thank you for the love and have a great day <3!)

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt.60)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Life changes come in many many forms; courting gifts, leaving jobs, and...Murder

Tags: Slow burn getting warmer, Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, Trans! Tae, Transphobia, gender thoughts, workplace discrimination, flashbacks, murder, the word 'r*pe' is used to describe what Geumjae did to her but there are no graphic depictions of it, allusions to physical abuse, graphic violence, there is a brief moment where someone not in the pack touches the m/c's ass without her consent, blood, briefly implied suicidal actions- but it's nothing like what you haven't seen before.

W/c: 12.6k

A/n: i'll be attending my cousin's wedding at the time this is posted so! give me lots of love when you read it cuz i'm so nervous~ i've never been around so many fancy people before <3

Previous part ~ Masterlist

You dab at the skin under your eyes carefully. You know they must look red and puffy. Tae’s careful instruction to treat your skin well as all good baby pups should has somehow stuck.

Even here. Even now.

“Do people like always loose it with you? Like when they walk in, do they all cry?”

Your therapist (yes, your therapist) across the narrow room is the opposite of threatening; soft face, pulled back hair, neutral clothing that might just as well be out of a country living catalog.

You don’t know where Jin found her, what little medical booklet he perused like a take-out menu, or how much her services cost per hour. Those kinds of details were not for delicate little pups like yourself to worry over in his opinion.

Most of the time, you're glad not to have to worry about things like this. But right now you're chomping at the bit. Weighting your odds. The other unknowns hover before you. One sticks out. One you're most concerned about.

Is she trustworthy?

Nothing about Dr. Rima seems outwardly threatening, yet you curl in on yourself. She smiles, scrawling something on the top of her notepad before she answers, and something taught in you ticks tighter.

“You’re correct in assuming that most people I meet cry in the first few minutes when they meet me, but you are the first person to cry on my threshold. Most of the time people wait until they’re at least in the chair.”

That has a smile tugging at your lips, albeit unwillingly. Your smile is like a leashed wild animal, with too many teeth when you feel threatened. Contained for now.

If you got up and walked out right now, would she call someone to restrain you? Will you be committed if you tell the truth? Or are you just misinterpreting the stakes?

You are here of your own volition. Even if it was a condition that Jin and Namjoon weren't willing to budge on after the events of last week. It's not like the pack is having you put in a mental institution or something, although they did come with you today. For moral support.

The waiting room was stuffy and yellow, one of those little waterfall mirrors in the corner that you’d watched in a fog sat between Yoongi and Jimin while Jin filled out the necessary paperwork. His pen hovering over the small boxes every few seconds. He'd taken the afternoon off of work to make sure he was there, just to fill out paperwork.

Are you on any medications? Do you have a history with substance abuse disorders? Do you have any intent to harm yourself or others?

Sending glares to anyone who dared to come too close, Jimin had looked and smelled threatening. You're not sure he’d have let you go into an isolated location with her if she’d been an alpha. Jin too had looked close to snapping.

yoongi was the only one who looked somewhat calm, althoug his hand was tightly laced with yours (and a little sweaty)

It’s a wonder that the rest of your pack had agreed to stay home for this. This was just one of several concessions you’d made after what the pack has politely begun referring to as 'sad pup time' during your more vulnerable moments, and blatantly 'your breakdown' during less fragile ones.

But sweet words or not. The facts remain; You are here in this chair after a nearly tearful departure.

You’d met the therapist in the doorway, shaking in your boots, and upon being separated from your pack with the promise that they’d be just downstairs in the lobby, you’d followed her inside.

Yoongi had made a noise in his throat, making you turn back. Dr.Rima turned to watch as he’d pulled you in for a last-minute hug, ducking down to your level. “One hour, okay? We’ll be just downstairs. Text me if you need me.”

His eyes were heavy-looking at the stranger. Unwilling to let you go just yet. A little stalwart, a little standoffish.

“Take good care of her please. She’s very precious to us.”

Precious.

That much was evident by the nearly three-page document that both your pack alpha and omega sent through once Namjoon and Jin had selected Dr. Rima as your therapist. Dr. Rima has quite a bit of experience dealing with overprotective pack alphas and pack omegas. Let alone a pack alpha and pack omega who have such a clinical background.

Yes, you must be well taken care of. At least on paper.

She’s already itching a little, to get her hands on all the others. Packmates and their names are written out, as a part of all intake files. Large packs aren't so common anymore. Her eyes fix on one name; Min Yoongi (beta, mate) unemployed.

The big windows help it feel not so small, on the second floor, the trees block out most of the view of the park below. A small voice that sounds like Hobi whispers that it’s a shame she doesn’t have any plants in here, they'd do so well with all of this natural light.

Your knees clack together a little, moving listlessly, the anxiety in your body begging to be released somewhere.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Why don’t we start with why you wanted to come in today.”

You avoid her eye contact, looking instead at the tops of the trees, you don’t know why they haven’t changed color yet, all of the trees on your street are half bare already. She has a smooth inoffensive scent, but you’re mated to a beta so you know what to expect when it comes to the relaxing effects, the subtle haze at the edge of your vision. It must come in handy, having the biological upper hand, when it comes to patients in distress.

If therapists are rare, beta therapists must be even rarer.

You can practically hear Jin, “Nothing but the best for my pup.” There is a part of your brain that won’t ever turn off, appraising everything around you. The designer pumps that she wears. The knickknacks on her desks, there are no photos of any packs that she might call her own, just a pink calendar in the corner.

Your breath goes just a little bit rapid, just a little, hitching when you think of it.

“Did Jin tell you anything?”

“He didn’t. Although my secretary did inform me that he filled out the paperwork for you.” The air in the therapist’s office is cold. Cold enough that it has you wrapping your sweater sleeves over your knuckles.

Your cheeks heat “My pack they- get a bit- protective.” Your fingers circle your wrist. You’re glad that Hobi convinced you to take one of his sweatshirts. He'd had a strange look on his face while he zipped it up, and you'd had to worry and wonder about it the whole morning. You'd worried more once he texted, just after he must have gotten to work.

“I have kind of a history of self-destructive behavior and I- I kind fell into bad habits a few days ago and blew up. It was all kind of triggered by this like- thing that happened with me and my other packmate.” It’s surprisingly easy to tell the truth.

You’re a right side better than you have been the last few weeks, now. A little bit more present, less foggy. The doctor just looks at her screen and not at you. What is it with her asking questions that make you not want to lie? Why does it feel like you should anyway?

Dr. Rima reads between the lines, what you're trying to say without saying it. “Is there a possibility of you hurting yourself again?” She clicks at the screen a little rapidly.

“No.”

The truth is you have no idea. It seems best to lie in this situation. But you consider it; one of your packmates making the call that you are too much to handle, that you need more help than they can offer. You imagine what it would be like to be in inpatient care. Grippy socks and group therapy and probably observed mealtimes. Maybe Iv's and feeding tubes if it came to that. Away from the pack and away from Yoongi.

He’s just downstairs, but that feels too far. There was no way that he was going to let you do this alone, you wouldn't be surprised if he never left the waiting room.

It’s just a therapy session. The very thing that you once refused. But now that you're here you might as well heal, you might as well work to stop this endless train of brief highs and endless lows. you'll give it a go, why not? What do you have to lose?

And yet, the texts from Hobi remain unanswered:

Ho-🐝 (9:48): Hey, I’m really proud of you.

Ho-🐝 (9:48): I’m really happy I get to be your packmate. In case you ever worry.

Ho-🐝 (9:49): And your best friend too &lt;3

Ho-🐝 (9:51): Just so you knowwww

The pack has kept you substantially plied with little solutions since your breakdown last week. They haven’t let you rot like usual. They’ve kept your days full of little activities; nothing too extravagant or tiring. Letting you rest when you need to and encouraging you to get outside of your comfort zone when it’s clear you’re giving in.

It comes down to that more often than not; giving in or not giving in.

Not giving in looks like trips back to the beach with Hobi. Like going to the salon with Tae and shopping with Jimin. Or another workout class with Jungkook where you’d spent more of the time lounging on the yoga mat than actually moving your body. But you'd still tenuously agreed to sign up for more classes under the encouragement of Wonho and Jungkook.

And now twice a week, you’ve got a mat to call your own during any classes, in the back, if you decide you want it. Your callender hasn't felt so full in years, it feels strange, to have something to do during the weeks that isn't just scraping the bottom of the barrel and doing house chores. Strange in a good way.

Not all of the pack's solutions aren’t silly but sometimes, silly is a good way to push out the dark.

The morning after your breakdown; you'd watched your pack work, fighting back a flush. Sitting at the kitchen bar stool while Yoongi applied painter’s tape to the floor, not intent on keeping back paint this time, but marking it off for you.

You’re a little bit more determined this morning although your first night without nightmares in a little over a month had kept you in higher spirits. You feel more well-rested than you have in ages.

“You don’t need to- I promise- I’m not going-“ but your requests had fallen on deaf ears. Worry building until Jungkook stood up fast grinning up at you, pupils wide brown pools from getting scented stupid this morning.

(Scented stupid, you'd been scented by the pack too, had struggled a little against it, too shy as Namjoon dragged his throat along yours, squirming until yoongi held you down a little, checking with you each few seconds that you wanted that, that your squirming was really just needing to feel a firm touch, a dominant one.

You will go nowhere until your pack have had their right to you, scenting you up, making your scent gland tender and swollen under their teeths and tongues.

It felt so much better to be made to handle it, each of the pack, even hobi, hovering over you to scent you with their wrists and throats. until you smelled so claimed by them that you couldn't breathe without smelling it- Pack.

Jungkook had pouted until he'd gotten the same treatment, although the omegaspace haze had lasted longer on him than it had on you.

He stands up so fast that his hair fluffs. Catching himself on your leg with a giggle before he topples over. grinning up at you before pressing a sleepy sloppy kiss to your knee and then another to your lips,

“No pup zone!" Omega Space Jungkook can get a little bit ridiculous even at the best of times. He's got a case of the morning omegaspace zoomies as he giggles and nips at your nose. You playfully push at his chest. He doesn't budge.

"Your whole face is a no-pup zone." The dissatisfied pur-chirp he'd let out had sounded half hurt, half encouraged.

Namjoon had eased your discomfort. Pulling you from the stool to lean back against his chest, fingers drumming out a rhythm on your legs as Jungkook huffes into your throat.

Having this failsafe- this rule, does not mean that they think you’re going to fail, these are guard rails to keep you on track. Namjoon looks down at you, his full bottom lip tucked a little, not a pout but close. “This is the easiest solution, if you don’t go near it then maybe, maybe it helps.”

His fingers drum against your skin again, and you lean back into him. Uneasy but willing to let him soothe you.

So yes, you’ve been banned from the kitchen, banned from crossing that line that runs from the edge of the coffee stand and just in front of Tae's library room, to the island and over to the fridge. Unless there is someone else close by. You are not allowed here without supervision.

It’s a simple solution, limiting you from the place that you use to hurt yourself. Never mind the fact that there are dozens if not hundreds of other possible avenues you could use. Your creativity knows no bounds when it comes to pain, but you quiet that part of yourself when the desire for hurt gets loud.

You can’t say it hasn’t helped. But then again, the pack has kept you so busy since your breakdown that you haven't had any time to think of hurting yourself let alone put any plans into action.

Across from you, Dr. Rima waits expectantly.

"It was kind of triggered by this thing that happened."

The tip of her pen bobs a little as she writes. “Could you describe the event to me? Or is that something you're not ready to talk about?" You nod and she waits patiently. It takes you a breath to answer.

“A little less than a month ago one of my packmates and I found a dead body."

You feel a little vindicated at her inhale of breath. Wide eyes that say yes- that is something traumatic, yes, it's fair that it kinda triggered you into a more fragile state.

"It dredged up a lot of feelings about my past. Before that, I was kind of starting to feel s-safe which I haven't like, ever been able to feel."

“And your packmate?"

There is new treacherous wetness balancing on your waterline. “Hobi’s a lot stronger than me, his past and mine are really similar but he just- handles his better. A lot of the time it feels like I learn from him even though he’d tell you the opposite is true. He’s my best friend." Your voice goes quiet, "I love my mate more than I love anyone else, but sometimes- Hobi just- gets me you know?" You go a little misty-eyed. Hands tightening on Hobi's sweatshirt.

“Yet he’s not the one sitting in my chair right now.”

You close your eyes, "he's not."

“For what it’s worth- you can have more than one best friend.” Dr. Rima writes as quickly as she can, taking it down. “How long have you been romantically involved with him? Who came first, your mate or him?”

You jolt forward, “Oh no- we’re not- Hobi and I aren't-" You take a deep breath to clarify. "Everyone else in the pack is together but Hobi and I are just friends. We all have our like… little units?”

"Primary partners." Dr. Rima offers.

"Yeah, that." But even that doesn't really cover it, because while Jin and Namjoon are JinandNamjoon and Jimin and Tae are JiminandTae. Jungkook is everyone's problem (in the best of ways) and you and Tae are something else too. The pack's girls the rest of them would say.

(You and Hobi are, well, YouandHobi.)

It sounds weird to say it once it comes out of your mouth. It makes an odd choked feeling lodge in your throat. Too much hope and too much shame for hoping blooming in your chest.

“I don’t know if I want to talk about him.”

She folds her hands over her knees, setting her pen down. Dr. Rima has chubby hands, disproportionate to her body. They look like they'd be soft.

She reminds you of your mom a little bit.

“That’s okay, we can talk about whatever you want. What you want and need is going to be the focus of our sessions. You’re the pilot here. I’m just here to help you interpret your thoughts and feelings.”

She folds her hands over themselves, setting her pen aside, “Why don’t we talk about the last time you remember feeling safe.”

"Physically or mentally?"

"Either, you can choose."

The rest of the session passes frightfully quickly. You can’t say that you don’t cry again. When you finally talk about Geumjae, her smile quickly dissipates. You talk and talk and talk until your throat is raw. Until you’ve depleted the whole box of her tissues. She shows you she's got more hidden under her desk when you apologize, her secret stash gets a laugh out of you.

“The fact that your pack omega filled out your paperwork isn’t the most unusual, but his preference for daily meetings or every other day is a little bit on the nose for a pack omega, I’m wondering if you share his preference.”

“He’s just overprotective.” She eyes you like Jin has good reason to be. You don’t blush this time, a little more comfortable with Dr. Rima than you were at the beginning of this. “I think maybe more than once a week but not every day.”

“How does Monday- Friday sound?”

~-~

When you walk to the door with Dr. Rima Yoongi stands abruptly from his chair.

You can tell by the shiny edge to his to his scent that he doesn't want to stay here any longer than necessary. He gets the information about your next appointment and then tugs you out the door.

Jins got his legs crossed, fancy leather shoes glinting in the sunlight by the windows. The lobby is buzzing with people coming and going. This building isn't just a therapy office but a collection of other businesses with a few shops and restaurants on the ground floor as well. He looks up and double-takes when he spots you, not standing from his chair, but he opens his arms and you fold yourself along his side, conscious of the other eyes but this.

This you need.

You press your face along the column of Jin's neck, breathing his cream scent in deep.

“Oh pup.”

Your red-rimmed eyes are too obvious and you sniffle wetly, “It was okay, I like Dr. Rima.” He laces your hands together and resists the urge to pester you with questions. Yoongi's hand is still tangled in the hood of your (Hobi's) sweatshirt. Your therapy sessions should be yours and only yours. Yoongi and Jin do not have Dr. patient confidentiality.

And yet the need to know if that helped burns through them. They won't have to wonder for long.

By the coffee stand, Jimin waves and he returns to you when the barista hands over a bag of sweets and a quad of cups. Jin continues scrawling something out for another second before he’s standing and pulling you in for another chaste scent mark.

“Let’s go home.” It's somewhere between an order and a request. But no one disobeys.

On the drive back (37 minutes total) you're a little quiet. You let the sounds of the others be your buffer. You look down at your phone and stare at Hobi’s texts. You respond with just a little heart emoji when you finally still can’t figure out a good response and you're close to home.

Home is its usual conflagration of moving bits and pieces. Each of your packmates is like a shiny cog in a pretty clock, tick tick tick tocking along. Tae and Namjoon are at the table looking through some of the pack’s bills, the pastries and coffee cups litter the table with little piles of powdered sugar and cinnamon. jimin bought enough for the whole pack.

You look at them a little too long, although not because you don't want to eat them. It’s been a while, a few weeks since you’ve made something like that, but every single one of the pastries is something you know how to make. You don’t know why you keep looking at them.

Tae smiles at you, still in the doorway. and it makes you feel a little less like you want to burst into tears. Her voice speaks of the quiet time you have in the library (the tenderness of having someone else do your makeup, another person combing your hair). You hope you'll get some dedicated one-on-one time with her soon.

"Hey little lovely, How was it?"

"She put me through the wringer but I think she got some suds out."

She and Namjoon giggle and you smile small. and you can tell that Namjoon wants to ask you more but he doesn't after a pointed look from your mate. There are footsteps in the hall and before you can move to take off your shoes Hobi is standing in the archway.

Yoongi efficiently strips you of Hobi's sweatshirt with a frustrated huff. It's Kind of like he’s trying to peel away the sadness (your clothes are soaked with your sour scent, rainy and unhappy. Regardless of Jin’s scent mark, you kind of stink).

You might have overheard their words just before you got into the car. Jin's hissed admonishment. “A lot of people cry during therapy Minnie, she’s not in trouble, can’t you smell it?”

Your scent is mellow underneath the memory of your distress, going sweeter by the second. Yoongi wants all memories of your sad scent banished from the house. Hobi stands at the door to the hallway, shifting back and forth, his eyes a little warmer than usual, hands shaking a little bit.

You’ve caught him looking at you a lot since the night he ran away, in the quiet moments when he thinks you’re not noticing. Eyes a shade warmer than usual, a sweetened franticness to his scent. Nervousness and happiness mix like blueberries and whipped cream.

When he pulls up beside you during movie nights and sits thigh to thigh with you. When his hands intertwine with yours over his knee or sometimes or when he pulls your legs sideways across his lap. He looks at you like that when he's doing the small things and he's looking at you like that right now.

You know how love starts, that it starts with the small things.

Hobi resists the urge to open his arms. would you come to him? Would you fold your body along his front so that he could feel your heartbeat? Pressing again and again to the opposite side of his chest with every thump?

He doesn’t say hey, but he does step a little closer. Fingers reaching out. The pad of his index finger slides down the meat of your pinky till it reaches the ball of your wrist. His own special hello.

Your breath hitches, just barely, almost imperceptible if it wasn’t for how close he stands.

A look behind you says Yoongi hasn’t made himself scarce, instead fussing with the pack's coats. Now that it’s getting colder, they don’t all fit by the door. You look behind Hobi and find Namjoon watching the three of you, he raises a singular eyebrow.

“How was it? Bad?” Hobi asks, breaking the silence and the tension, drawing your attention back to him. The next breath you let out is a lot less heavy, and your eyelashes flutter as he steps closer. Hobi smells good, a little earthy, mellowing out his usual sweetness. Sweet for an alpha.

“It was kind of hard, I kinda wanted to run away for a bit at the beginning." You can't keep meeting his eyes with how intensely he's looking at you and they flutter down to his hands. "I almost did.”

"I'm glad you didn't pup." Jin comments, full of reproach, the mirror to you and Hobi as he leans down to press a kiss to Namjoon's forehead. Shucking off his lapelled jacket and rolling up the sleeves of his button-down shirt.

“If you’d have called me, I’d have picked you up. We could still like- run away, if you're down.”

But the house is starting to heat up, and Jin and Yoongi are starting to cook. The light is still honey-yellow happy. And you tip your cheek into his arm. He finally- finally lets his arms settle around your waist.

“Nah, not yet.” You drag out the syllable all playful, and something forbidden stirs in Hobi’s gut. “Jin’s making my favorite tonight. not until later?”

Hobi goes silent, pulls back, biting his lips, eyes flickering from your eyes down. and-

You laugh and Hobi blushes. “Just spit it out.”

Everyone’s been a little bit touchier with you since that night (a little more overbearing too). You won’t immediately chalk Hobi's touchyness up to what you're all thinking. But the affection makes your scent gland feel tender. Zinging when Yoongi steps up behind you and nuzzles into it, huffing again.

Friends can hug each other after therapy right? Hobi swallows thickly and you feel it against your collar bone as he pulls back and steps away from you. “I ugh- got you a present?”

You brighten up instantly, and Hobi's anxiety increases tenfold. A bit of casual mischievousness on the edge of your lips that always have Hobi feeling like he’s being teased even though he knows he isn’t.

“Oh? A present? You’ve never gotten me a present before!”

He kicks at imaginary dust bunnies, fighting back what he knows is a noticeable flush. “I ugh- still owe you, from the car you know and honestly it's not even like a big gift it's like- so small in comparison and-”

Yoongi huffs and continues to disrobe you. Pulling your sweater over your head when he’s not satisfied that your unhappy scent has dissipated. Muttering something like. “hopeless alpha” under his breath. Your tank top pulls up, inches of your hip and skin on display. It's nothing that Hobi hasn't seen before and yet the blush reignites. The sunshine to your morning glory.

“I guess you're right.” But it doesn’t feel like it. Hobi doesn’t owe you anything for that, not when it was so easy to give. Not when you’ve gotten so many late-night drives from that gift.

Hoseok got the idea for your courting gift, one morning while watching you say goodbye to Namjoon:

The pack alpha has always been a fan of goodbye kisses, good morning, and goodnight kisses too. The particular kiss that morning had ‘I’ll miss you’ written all over it. It was so pretty in the way that you lingered, arms around Namjoon’s neck. His hand is underneath your shirt on the small of your back. Such a small touch and yet so gently possessive that it had Hobi aching to see it.

Hobi is unfortunately prone to jealousy and it turns the back of his neck hot. Makes his hands feel oddly tender. He's distracted by the visual, the task of packing up his work bag forgotten. Hoseok’s shift at the flower shop doesn’t start for another few hours, and he’s waiting, watching, an unhappy voyeur.

You and Namjoon have quite the height difference, if he was in between the two of you he’d be the perfect middle ground. That’s just another stupid thought, another stupid thought in the countless number of stupid thoughts that he’s had. (I like my alphas a little pathetic, and nothing's more pathetic than an alpha pining after an omega.)

He grumbles.

Yoongi prattles on, more awake than all of them as he outlines what you have to do today to make progress on the house- which is to go find a place that sells cheaper tile than the ones you first thought of using in the bathroom on the first floor. And maybe change it up a little.

The bathrooms escaped the renovations somehow, and a few nights ago- Jimin had admitted how much they actually use it even though it’s not the pack's primary bathroom anymore. Now that it’s not in use, they’re more willing to part with it for a few days for some very necessary re-styling. it toes the line from vintage to old a little too hard. The yellow is a little…yellow.

Yoongi wants to go light and airy with the color scheme, like he did with the upstairs bathroom and it's seafoam and brown tones. But like with most of the house, your vote is for colorful. “How about a light blue-” Yoongi continues to argue while you kiss Namjoon a little senseless in the doorway, at least Namjoon seems properly dazed, chasing your lips when you pull apart.

“No- we don’t have a room that’s magenta yet!”

This starts the same argument as always; “We can’t make every room in this house pink for Tae.”

But goodbyes take precedence, and when you turn back and smile at Hobi he flushes, shy to be caught looking. He moves, stepping around you and Namjoon to put his water bottle into his bag when you shout, “Stop, Seokie!”

Seokie is a new nickname, one that Jin only uses in the quietest of moments that you've somehow adopted when you don't want to call him Hobi. Hobi always thought that if you’d use any other nickname with him- you’d use daisy (he might want you and yoongi to share that pet name). But he’s a good pup and stops what he’s doing. Every atom in his body every electron no longer circulates neutrons but circulates you instead. Pulled in by your gravity.

You’ve moved so suddenly that you’ve spilled a bit of your coffee onto the floor. Maybe kissing Namjoon has left you feeling a little dizzy too. Yoongi just sighs fondly and wipes it up. Jimin looks up from his phone, smiling when he sees.

“You’ve got a rainbow on your cheek.”

It’s a trick of the light, early morning sunshine refracted through the mottled window just right to cast a single rainbow on the wall and on Hobi when he steps in front of it.

You cup his cheek, finger skimming across where the rainbow sits.

"Pretty."

Hobi feels hot all over.

At Tae’s call of, “If I have to do my eyeliner one more time I’m going to scream!” You giggle and dart away from him. Going to tend to Tae with a soft reply of "I've got you baby."

Hoseok is left, blushing in the morning light. Staying still like you might come by and cup his cheek again, Like a flower staying still in the hope of pollination.

Hobi is left, wanting to scream and somehow demand you back, both would be fair. His plight isn't missed by his packmates, who lean in like a set of jackals, grinning ear to ear at hobi's flustered predicament.

She's going to send him into rut if she's not careful Jin thinks, but doesn't say. instead he teases, “You’ve got to leave in the next ten-minute Hobi.”

Only then does Hoseok move- released from his spell and finally losing the rainbow on his cheeks though they might as well have stayed with how happy and warm he feels. How absolutely incandescent the love is glowing in his chest. A full spectrum of feelings, longing for you to come back.

He almost trips over noodle, darting after you with his tail raised high, catching himself on the edge of the couch at the last second, one shoe on and one off, his water bottle falling and spilling in the process.

yoongi sighs, and stoops to wipe it up. Jimin giggles and pulls Hobi up by his hips, the alpha's fingers feel hot where they've touched him, scalding. “What’s wrong, omega got your tongue?” yoongi returns to his breakfast, throwing the wad of soggy paper towels into the trash.

Jungkook laughs, “It’s more like he wants an omega to have his tongue in her-“

“You guys are gross,” He pushes at Jimin’s shoulder finally moving right. Yoongi hides his smile in a mouthful of Captain Crunch.

Hobi doesn’t think about the rainbows again until his next afternoon shift. When the low angle of the autumn sun cuts through the windows and catches the suncatchers that they hang in the doorway of the flower shop and cast more rainbows- dozens of them really across him and the flower.

He remembers when you came to visit, how you'd lingered over them, looked at them a second longer than you looked at the plants.

It’s a bit of a kitschy display. Other polished stones and nick nacks sitting on the deep shelf along with some smaller potted plants. A little tray of rose-quartz stones falsely advertises themselves as ‘heat reducers.’

The colors start to blend, and the rainbows sway softly in the light, gentle and pretty. He snaps a photo and thinks about sending it to you, but doesn’t.

The store is blissfully empty of Hobi's coworkers when he selects three of them. It's quiet when he packages them in tissue paper, one with a huge pink stained-glass moon at the top, another with three tiers. Each of them is delicate and pretty in their own right. No one’s bought a single one of them in the last three months anyway. They'll hardly be missed. Hobi gives himself a fat employee discount.

Hobi is unfortunately bad at hiding things, especially when he's nervous. Luckily the pack alpha doesn’t have it in him to tease. Namjoon had in fact been only too encouraging and given him a pep talk just this morning about courting and courting presents.

“The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t like it- and then you just have to try again which you were already planning on doing anyway.” Namjoon is quite simply the best at courting. It doesn't matter which subgender; alphas, beta’s, and omegas have all fallen under his touch. At least Hoseok has the opportunity to learn from a professional. Somehow the thought that you'd compare him to namjoon doesn't cross his mind.

Hoseok isn’t good at the romantic gestures that courting necessitates. He’s more of the ‘there when you need him’ kind of lover. Ready to make the small changes to make his loved ones' lives more manageable. Ready with his car keys for adventures. Those parts are easy, this is out of his depth.

Especially when it comes to you. Even After the love confessions, (are confessions still confessions if they’re so internal?) Hobi feels mostly unmoored. About to shatter upon unknown shores.

God, crushes are so frustrating (in the best kind of way, the way that keeps you sighing and daydreaming, the kind of way that makes you look in the mirror a little longer).

Tae helped him half an hour before she started on the pack's paperwork. They'd spent an hour deciding which places were best to hang them to get the greatest number of rainbows. She had even fussed with his hair a little to make it lie right. Having him hop up on the couch so she could see Hobi's face from your angle.

Hobi wanted to make sure there were at least one or two rainbows when he shows you. But when he leads you to the sunroom, his hands over your eyes (the same position you found yourself in when Namjoon surprised you with the nesting pod) there are more of them than there were when he set them up, whole constellations swaying softly.

The suncatchers are pretty and twinkly sparkly in the golden hour light, and your lips part in a simple show of awe when Hobi tells you you can open your eyes. It's so bright, they send dozens of little rainbows across the walls and your nesting pod. Over the white couch and the fig in the corner.

It’s very very pretty. and when you turn back to look a thim, Hobi once again has a rainbow on his cheek.

Your eyes twinkle, but you don't say anything. you stay quiet for long enough that Hobi gets nervous. his anxiety makes him talk fast. “I hung them here- but you can put them wherever you want- in the kitchen or upstairs or I can get you more for any places you want to put them- or- or- ”

You just about tackle him, arms looping around his neck resting your weight in his arms that instinctively grip around your waist. Hobi teeters, unsteady with such a heavy heart, toppling both of you onto the couch as you cry. "I love it!"

You’re sprawled not lying across him but his hand goes out to support the way you cling and rub your face into his chest, a happy little chirp slipping past your lips.

The wild thing in Hobi’s chest settles, settles, and curls around you. Tight and protective like a vice. You pull back, and your smile is just as bright.

Hobi sags, and rests his neck back against the couch, "Good- thank fucking god- I was so fucking nervous-" You fiddle with the buttons on his flannel, it's one of Yoongi's. It seems fitting that you steal his clothes and he steals Yoongi's.

"What brought all this on?"

Hobi doesn't have a good answer, in the quiet with the rainbows, or at least an answer he's ready for. He doesn't say that this is a courting present, and he doesn't need to because instead of answering your question- he replies with one of his own.

“Wanna go for a drive later?” he asks, voice tremulous like he thinks you might refuse him. You’ve never said no to him before, never said not tonight only not right now. Do you treasure our little talks the same way I do?

“Sure, after dinner? like I said? Just-" You lean back against his chest, and Hobi’s hands go tight tight tight around your waist. Holding you close. Clingy. He does not slip his hand under your shirt to cup the side of your hip the way that Namjoon might, but the thought crosses his mind.

Hobi is a good alpha, he won't cross that line until you tell him it's okay. Until then a thin layer of fabric separates his skin from yours. You're still warm to the couch.

“Sit and watch them with me?” You ask quietly. Almost shy, like you think he’d refuse you. He nods and the two of you sit on the couch to look at the rainbows together.

Eventually, Noodle finds the two of you, meowing and hopping up to stretch out along your thighs. Worming his way between the two of you.

The rainbows don't last forever, but Hobi sits with you until they fade.

~-~

Tae’s library is just like every public library:

Tall windows, wide quiet shelves with room for the stories to breathe. A colorful young adult section and an even more colorful kid’s section. A bit aways from the tables and computers so that any over-excited pups don’t disturb the adults. Big deep beanbags for small children to cuddle up to while they ponder fairy tales and adventures only a plastic-covered book away.

Tae’s long plaid skirt barely makes a whisper along the ground. The colder weather has allowed her to live all of her cottage core fantasies, her dark academia aesthetic truly flourishing. Her shirt is a little translucent today, and the fading summer tan of her skin pokes through it in spots where her tank top doesn't hide. Pretty long earrings dangle and clink in the quiet while she works on her shelving.

Wearing her chosen clothing items at work has been a bit of a work in progress.

Most of Tae’s coworkers approve of her transition in that overly willing-to-be-an-ally way that middle-aged women who generally consider themselves progressive outside of closed doors all do. And the ones that don’t approve have swallowed their words with lingering sour eyes and raised upper lips after the general receptiveness to Tae’s social transition.

It's hard to know who's genuine with it, who just doesn't want to cause a fuss, and who just doesn't give a shit. But most of the time her outfits get one or two compliments and thats it. Tae would rather them say nothing than anything negitive.

Tae likes the quiet of the library at this time of day, the silence gives her enough room to let her imagination wander. Tae likes to file away books in mid-morning, when there are fewer people around and her humming is less likely to disturb any of the library’s patrons. She sings to the stories and they sing back, tempting her with every well-worded title and delicately chaste summary.

But she doesn’t just think about stories or the book she's writing (her book is currently giving her hell on the 30th chapter) No. Today- there is a much more interesting love story blooming in her head, in the pack's den too.

She’s been thinking about you all morning (Tae thinks about you almost every morning) there are even little poems scrawled on the edge of her newspaper. Lines that are you and a bit of Hobi too.

I wished that I might be your hair clip / to know what it feels like / to be pressed against the nape of your neck/ To be your suntan/ perched on the edge/ of what you show everyone and what you show no one/ To be the bearer of every freckle/ like the sky holds the stars/ To hold and never let go/ Like birds hold sunshine / and flowers hold songs.

Everyone had noticed of course, how much time you and Hobi have been spending together.

The pack had even talked about it during a quiet moment without you and Hobi. Yoongi’s lack of communication regarding you and Hobi. “I don’t know anything” he’d unsuccessfully lied, and nearly been heaved up and wrestled to the couch as a result. But Jungkook’s puppy eyes had unsuccessfully endeared him.

Yoongi has kept Hobi's secret, but it's kind of hard not to notice. Tae isn't a fool. Tae is a much better liar than Yoongi is- because when you'd come to her after your late-night drive to gush with her about Hobi and the rainbows over makeup. She hadn't said anything about what she knows.

Tae couldn’t tell you how many times she’d noticed little touches, Hobi’s hand lingering on the small of your back, grabbing your waist when he moved behind you in the bathroom. When he take the greatest care to set out his sweatshirts in the morning and even asks Jungkook to make sure they’re clean. They’re practically not even his sweatshirts anymore with the amount you’ve been wearing them.

Tae isn’t an idiot, she knows that Hobi’s finally realized it. While she doesn’t trust herself to play matchmaker given how poorly the first time she pointed out Hobi’s attraction went. that doesn’t mean she’s not going to park herself firmly on the edge of her fantasy land with a box of popcorn.

If they were gonna get married, would Hobi wear a red tux or black or grey? Her brain is already thinking of wedding dresses. One of these days she’s really going to have to make a Pinterest board. Hobi would probably want to do sunflowers, and that might clash with the red unless it was a fall wedding- ooh, and what about pearl details and daisies? a beach wedding might be a little too on the nose for you.

Tae is so absorbed with her shelving and her daydreaming that she doesn’t notice the sound of small shoes on the carpeted floor. Nor does she notice the light-up flash of tiny iorn man sneakers. Her musings are easily interrupted by a small tug on her skirt, shy almost. She startles a little, looking down at the sudden touch.

The little pup's thumb is wet from where it was clearly placed behind their bucked teeth. He's got wide brown eyes and soft-looking hair, Tae can't stop the smile that comes to her lips.

“I wanted to read a book but I couldn’t reach, can you help me? Please?”

Tae’s heart swells as she leans down to the pup's level. “Of course, I can! Why don’t you show me what one you wanted,” diligently Tae follows the little one a few isles over, tugged along by their insistent pulling as he tells her about the pretty cover.

The little pup turns back, furrowing his bushy brows up at Tae, “are you a princess?” he asks. Tae almost has to laugh, a bright happy gender euphoric feeling filling her chest, that feeling of I could be filling her.

She makes her whisper just a little more hushed, playing along, “Don’t tell anyone okay? It's a secret.” The little pup nods, eyes darting around like there are dragons that would threaten her.

“What gave me away?”

“Princesses wear long skirts!” the pup says cheerfully, like it makes the most sense in the world. He's a little too loud and Tae winces. He finally finds the shelve with the story. The spine glimmers pink and gold and Tae is unsurprised to find the illustrated copy of Cinderella. Not the Disney or PJ version, but the Brothers Grimm version.

Tae cringes at the pair of doves on the cover.

Tae doesn’t say that the little pup is too small to read a book so big, or that there is one with more pictures much more appropriate away from the young adult section. The child can’t be more than 6 years old.

But still, Tae retrieves it and delivers it to their waiting arms. The little one clutches it to his chest, thanks Tae, and then promptly plops themselves onto the carpeted floor right there.

He opens the first page, huffs, and then looks up at her imploringly.

“I just realized I can’t read.”

He pouts and Tae melts. Tae wonders where the pup's mother is, but really, there certainly can't be much harm in this. This isn't the first time Tae has been guilted into reading a story to a pup while their parents work or make use of the library's computers.

"Just the first page.” She intones, caution for the child’s hopes in her voice, she presses her skirt under her knees and sits on the scratchy carpet. The pup curls close to see the pictures. Resting his tiny chubby cheek in the billow of Tae’s big puffy sleeve.

Tae's chest is all tight as she reads. The pup is very well-behaved, he pauses, and asks questions in a soft voice only when Tae gives him space to respond. Tae easily ommits the parts that aren't appropriate. but tae finds herself watching the pup a little bit more as the minutes stretch.

In a few years with your own little ones around, will Tae become the defacto bedtime story reader? Will she do this with the pack's pups one day? Will she be the one to take that bright little light in their eyes that imagines things as greater and more and cultivate it? Her cheeks feel warm at the prospect, heart beating like a hummingbird's wings in excitement.

Your pups and Jin's pups too- they're gonna be so loved. Tae's gonna be the best mom to them, The best alpha too.

One page turns into two and then three. In this quiet corner with only Tae’s voice as ruler and god, the little pup hinges on every word. Until there’s another voice close by. An adult not wishing to be loud, a whispered name.

“Jae?”

Tae smiles up at the woman at the end of the aisle of books. Her smile turns sweeter when Jae hops up and runs to press his face into her jeaned thighs. Tae remembers how that felt, how every scent besides Tae’s own omega mother felt overwhelming and icky.

Tae stands with a crack of her knees and makes to hand over the book, “This makes a great bedtime story until about chapter 8, that one you might want to skip until he’s a little older.”

The woman makes to smile, but it only goes so far. Tae watches in perfect detail, everything in slow motion, as her eyes flicker down to Tae’s Addams apple.

She drags her child close by their wrist quicker than Tae can blink. Tae sees the moment that the child realizes this touch isn’t gentle, wide eyes going fear-stricken as he's tugged behind her back. And then it's all downhill from there.

I'll spare you the more vile bits.

But the saddest moment of the argument that follows (Which involves not one but three of Tae's co-workers to calm down the hysterical woman whose screeches echo around the quiet library) is when the pup tries to get his mother's attention. "Mom, I liked that she was reading to me."

"He" the certified Karen hisses, moving in a way that makes the pup flinch back. "-should know better than to corrupt a pup with such- such-" her eyes dart down and up, and Tae's skin burns. "Disgusting behavior."

The misgendering doesn't even sting. What does hurt is the eyes peering in. She isn't being quiet and it's causing many of the library's patrons' attention is diverted. Tae's coworkers have put themselves between Tae and the woman. But there still aren't enough people (enough packmates) in between her and the verbal tirade.

An hour later, after the woman has left after threatening to call the police, Tae talks with his boss and his boss’s boss. The room behind the front desk is glass, and he knows that the door doesn’t keep the sound of their raised voice out.

“I wasn’t harassing her child; I was just helping him find a book for Christ sake!”

The worst part is that this isn’t the first time that this has happened. No- since Tae came out there have been two other complaints leveled against her from bigoted patrons. Both right at the beginning before she got the hang of presenting how she wanted to.

At least those confrontations weren’t face-to-face. At least those complaints didn’t end with someone threatening to call the police and a pup cowering, tugged along too roughly out the door.

The little pup had glanced back at Tae, mouth in pout, eyes swimming with tears.

Even if the woman felt righteous in her anger, the least she could have done was not yell in front of the pup. Tae promises herself right then and there, that she'll never raise her voice in front of the pack's pups, not in anger.

The book has stayed on the counter at the front. Pink and gold and treacherous. Tae hopes that if anything, the pup finds it and reads the ending one day. Stories have a way of finding us, even when the world makes us let them go.

Now in the back room behind the check-out counter. Tae’s boss levels her with an expectant look, the kind that people give when they don’t want to be transphobic not really- it’s just so hard for them not to, so learned. Tae is the nail that sticks up. It’s bullshit really. Tae can tell it's bullshit before she opens her mouth.

“Really? He asked for Cinderella?”

“Yes.” Tae’s biting tone is an alpha’s tone, not a man’s, and yet she knows how it sounds.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I’m not lying.” Is Tae supposed to only help some children find the books they want? Is she supposed to look at them and make her best guess if they’ve got homophobic parents and skip them over? It’s not her fault that the sweet sweet pup’s parent was a bigot.

“I can’t help but feel like- you’ve got a personal agenda-“

"Charlie-" the district manager cautions.

Tae can’t stop herself from snapping, alpha anger sparking with the intent to burn. “Little boys should be allowed to read Cinderella if they want to” Rats and all. Her hands are shaking, and it isn’t missed by them. The room smells thick with Tae’s spicy cinnamon anger.

The district manager sets her hand on Tae's shoulder, and her anger ebbs just a little. “I think maybe you should go home a little early today, just to cool off. We can talk about it more tomorrow.”

Tae doesn’t want to go home early, Tae doesn’t want to go home at all as she packs up her books. Her bag lighter than usual, absent of the stories that she wants to take home. For once there aren’t any that she wants to read.

She walks to the train station because Jimin won’t be off work for another 2 hours and that’s when he’d usually pick her up, the last three days he’s gotten her flowers too; white roses the first day, pink the second, and red the third. She sends him a text.

Tae <3 (1:48): I left work early today, you don’t have to pick me up, I’ll get an Uber home.

Mini-alpha (1:49):!!!!!

Mini-alpha (1:49): What happened? Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up? I can leave now.

Tae sighs, looking down at her phone while she waits for the crosswalk light to come on. Red still, green in a few seconds, she only has to wait. She can practically feel Jimin's nervous energy through the phone. it's a wonder he doesn't immediately call her.

It makes her soft. It isn't in Jimin's nature to give any of his lovers any space but he always makes an effort when it comes to her.

Tae <3 (1:53): No. It’s fine. I’ll talk to you when you get home.

Tae doesn’t want to talk to Jimin about transphobia again. At least not yet. It’s too much energy. It’s not that Tae doesn’t want to make what happened during Namjoon’s rut better. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk about it- it’s just that there’s nothing to talk about, the explanation of his actions are such a burden for Tae to bear. And Tae trusts that Jimin’s heart is in the right place even if he makes mistakes. And even telling Jimin off, yelling at him, wouldn’t change it.

Either one day Tae will not have to deal with bigoted parents, either one day she’ll pass and won’t have to worry, or she'll always be in this awkward middle ground.

Trans people are like toupees, you only notice them when there’s something off, something a little misplaced about them. Tae fears that most of all. Femininity, as much as she wants it, as much as it's hers to take, what if it won't ever fit right? What if she never passes?

Tae loves her job at the library, it’s the perfect mix of boring and safe and easy even if it doesn’t pay enough. But even as she's gained things like skirts and puffy sleeves, she's exchanged them for days like today. Really, the library was her favorite place before today and now, every step away from it makes her feel a little lighter. She's not even angry anymore, just exhausted mentally.

Tae decides to walk home at least she’s in her most conservative channel flats, they could use a little bit more wear and love and Tae’s thoughts are still too sharp. She dulls them to a palatable edge that all falls apart when she gets home.

You’re there, thank fucking god you’re always there when she gets home. You’ll always be Tae’s comfort person.

Tae opens the door with a creek and push of cold air, you're saying something to Yoongi turning with a toss of your hair, eyes brightening when you see her before you've even said her name.

You look a little healthier today, with a little bit more of a rosy glow to your cheeks and a healthy brightness to your eyes, not all glassy.

"Tae! You're home early!"

Tae will never stop being proud of how hard you try, and will never stop being a bit envious either because Tae-

Tae looks at you and wilts, bag flopping onto the floor, and predictably burst into tears.

"Oh- oh Tae."

"Baby girl-"

You and Yoongi are just about the best security blanket a packmate could ask for. You're so good as you pull her down to your level so you can kiss away her tears, maneuvering her like a perfect team onto the couch. Yoongi's strong hands slide off her shoes. Yoongi's fingers digging into her sore heel as you kiss away her every tear.

A substantial amount of babying and a Sos packmate in distress text later, and Tae is reclining across a freshly fluffed nest, the muscles in her body relaxed. The blisters on the back of her feet are bandaged and kissed. Every inch of her body is too.

You don't talk about it until after the pack's facemasks are finished, and hobi's clear coat has dried over the tiny nail sticker that you left. a small bumblebee.

Your skin smells sweet after a long long bath full of fancy bath bombs. Jinnie had also rubbed oil onto her freshly shaven legs. You helped, dragging it along oh so carefully to not nick her skin. Ending each pass with a kiss to her ankle and then upper thigh.

Tae’s head is in your lap now, cheek pressed against your (slightly chubbier) thighs. Her sniffles the background music as Tae gives her final recap of what happened.

Your nose gets a wrinkle in it when you go cross. "There's so much meanness to the world, I hate how people have to add to it."

Jimin’s anger leaves an undercurrent in the air, dragging the other alphas along, Hobi’s hands are strong where they dig into Tae’s shoulders, belly down in the nest while you play with her hair, braiding it back and forth. The attention makes her feel a little tingly.

“Do you know what her name was? Did you get a look at her car-“ Jimin asks, nearly barking. The library has cameras. Jimin knows it does.

Jin sets a hand on the back of his neck, a scruff threatening. “Down pup. Tae doesn’t need you to track them down.” Jimin’s teeth look particularly sharp in the light. For a face so soft he has quite the mouth on him.

“They made her sad,” he growls, but it's softer, more pointed as he crouches over her.

Namjoon’s quiet voice unlocks the whole world's worries, massaging gently down the column of Tae’s delicate neck, rough hands, worn tender touching her regardless. Namjoon is rarely ever so pointed, but it's logical, from an alpha's perspective, Tae knows what he hints.

"I think that if your bosses aren't going to protect you from people like that, then I want you to leave your job." Jin gives him a look like, 'Now you know where I'm coming from' but Tae's the important packmate right now.

Tae rolls Namjoon's words around her tongue, her hand loosely twined with his. Namjoon has the steadiest hands out of everyone in the pack and a few minutes ago he repurposed his surgery skills to do her nails. Took off the chipped red and re-did them because Namjoon knows she feels best when her claws are polished. He checks them now. Tapping them lightly to not smudge them.

It's a girl's night, the first girl's night you've ever had with the whole pack. Tae's face is still glossy from the face mask.

“I don’t think I want to quit; I don’t think that would help at all that’s not going to like- solve the world and all its issues.”

“No, but- if it’s making you more sad than happy. Then maybe it’s worth considering.”

Tae knows Namjoon’s not saying that she doesn’t make enough to affect the pack's finances, but that's still the truth. Hobi pulls himself along her other side and you watch him with heavy-lidded eyes.

Hobi presses a kiss to Tae's temple, “All you want to do is write every day anyways, and we just want you to be happy,” 6 heads nod their agreement.

Hobi isn't wrong; The last four weekends in a row Tae has woken up several hours earlier than the pack would usually stir from morning cuddles, just to get a few hours of uninterrupted writing done. She’s also spent nearly every night in her library room, staying up late after the pack has retired upstairs until one of you comes down and wrangles her upstairs. The pack's prettiest alpha needs her beauty sleep.

But is it enough to count on? Is it worth quitting her job over?

You duck down low, kissing the same spot Hobi did, your lips touching just a Tae away. a heavy breath wooshes out of her chest. "Yeah why wouldn't we want you to quit? If you're always here then I can always do this."

Your kiss is gentle, and it tastes like belonging more than Tae would ever be able to write, to describe. A love that makes you feel like you belong is a rare thing. And Tae's hand goes up to tangle in your hair, keeping you there for just a shared breath longer.

The next breath tastes a bit like freedom. It's scary to be free.

(But Tae leaves her 2 weeks' notice on her boss’s desk before the end of the next work day, and she doesn't feel bad about it one bit).

~-~

(1 year prior)

Maybe the truth is that the reason why you don’t feel you deserve agency is because you know what your agency looks like. The choices you’re willing to make when it comes down to it.

The secrets you tell and the lies you have buried deep in your pocket like one of Hobi’s found things. Something you can’t get rid of and cast back into the ocean. No matter how hard you try. There is something about murder that sticks, that stays no matter how many times you try to wash your hands of it.

It's not guilt, because you don't feel guilty for what you had to do.

Being backed into a corner can make someone do a whole hell of alot of monstrous things. And back then Life was monotonous. Back then there was Anguish without change.

Your life went like this: Go home. Get beaten. Get hurt. Get Raped. Wake up. Meet up with Hyejin. Make poison. Make pastries. Go to the Don’s house. Feed it to them. Listen to Moonbyul tell you to wait. Go home. Get beaten again and again. Get raped every night. On and on and on.

Clean up your blood from the tiles. Clean it from the carpet. Hydrogen peroxide and not bleach. Cover the bruises up with color corrector first before you put concealer over them.

Smile and tell everyone that your husband and you are perfectly happy. There will be a pup on the way soon enough, I'm so lucky to have someone who supports me, and I'm so lucky to have a love like this.

Go home. Get beaten. Get hurt. Get Raped. Go to sleep and don't cry because then he'll beat you for keeping him awake.

In the darkness that curls around you. Blood going tacky between your legs, you start to dream of wicked sweet things.

What you've been through would be enough to make anyone go crazy, Enough to make anyone consider drastic action. Enough to make anyone consider murder.

Enough for you to slide a pair of small syringes off of Moonbyul’s night desk and a small packet of arsenic too. You know how to make a simple syrup. You know how to mix in arsenic to it, how to make it liquid soluble without breathing it in.

You make it in the fine china and break it after so that you can throw it out without worrying. You get a beating for it but you hardly feel it when Geumjae drags you across the floor by your hair. It hardly breaks your heart when he steps on your ribcage with the intent to break bones because you know what you have to do.

After, with your own blood on your teeth, you make sure to leave it in the bottom of the trash, and ask the cleaning staff not to take it out yet. They're supposed to find it.

You don't care if you die, you just want to make sure the necessary villains are punished. When it comes to blame the person who is most to blame is you anyway. You are simply numb to pain, numb to your own anguish. Numb to the idea of your own death too. Geumjae's already killed you in every way that matters.

Cut off a wolf's head and it still has the power to bite; give a girl an enemy and she'll do dangerous things.

Your meetings with the Don and beta always go the same; gossip, and greetings. Sometimes when you come bearing bruises, they tell you to wait just a little longer.

Go home. Get beaten. Get hurt. Get Raped. Wake up. Just give it time for his temper to settle. Once you're mated it will get better.

Even Moonbyul and Hyejin tell you that planning the perfect crime takes time. That you'll be saved if you only wait. Help is coming.

Bullshit.

You’re tired of waiting for him to kill you, you're tired of waiting to die. You're smarter than all of them because you know exactly how to get everything you want and you're willing to do anything to get it.

The next time Moonbyul and Hyejin take you to the Don and Beta’s house under the guise of afternoon tea, you are prepared for war and dressed with revenge in mind. Your white dress knotted at the shoulders falling in a heavenly sheet, like an avenging angel, neither pious nor sinful.

You are a force of nature and nature does not ask when it takes lives.

What’s worse; the people that enable the abusers or the abusers themselves? Who is more to blame for the pain caused?

You are no longer hiding and you won't let them hide this time. The bruise on your cheek is purple and mottled, the rings of bruises on your wrists from his hands while he held you down.

When you smiled at Geumjae over breakfast this morning, there was only one thought in your mind.

You’re next.

Your agency looks like this; elegantly done hair your skirt a little short for fall. A basket of arsenic-backed goods in a basket as is usual. Fluffy pink cupcakes with the perfect Swiss meringue buttercream in little spirals.

A gentle smile at the beta when she opens her doors for you, letting the monster in, because you’ve been over enough times that she trusts you. You suppose that's your doing too, you've fooled her into thinking you're just another idiot girl who decided to marry rich and didn't bother to consider the strings attached. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, you bare your teeth when you smile.

Hyejin has helped on that front; over the past few months, she has taught you exactly the kind of conversation that the beta likes- the useless conversations about family drama, the small little bits that you let through about your husband’s opinion on which pup is marrying whom, which alpha is good or bad for the packs near dozen omega pups that aren’t mated yet. Which alphas are likely to be a liability? This kind of gossip is all information and strategy.

You might have lied in your call to her and told her you were fearful of one of the younger ones- and a conversation you’d happened to witness on a street corner, a shadowy figure that looked a little too severe not to be the authorities. Of course, these kinds of things have to be handled with discretion and ginseng tea.

The Don does not bother to turn down the TV when you walk in, sitting vulnerable in his recliner with his feet up. It doesn’t appear that he has any sort of inclination or plans to interact with you when you sit here at his kitchen table and talk. Instead, he lounges and watches his sports, loud because his hearing is so bad, nearly deafening.

It’s good. hopefully anyone nearby will not overhear.

You hope that if this goes south before you have a chance to confess that they find the letter you wrote at home; the one that says your husband is the one that put you up to this.

You know that the pack’s retribution will be swift, that any sort of alibi he has will be null and void with the evidence you’ve been leaving. A little trail of breadcrumbs that leads right into a pretty little grave for your husband. Even if you won't be around to see it.

You're already a friend of pain. You already find comfort in it. If they kill you (which they will) then at least it will finally be over.

You wait until the moment you know is coming, when the Don looks over his shoulder at you and comands “Be a dear and bring me one.”

You put one of your artfully created confections on a pretty gold-rimed plate and walk to his side, you lean over to put it in his lap as he indicates. the same way he does every time you come over with sweets.

The lingering hand on your ass is hardly abnormal. behind you the beta's tea cup clinks as she sets her tea down and says nothing. even though you know she notices.

He’s so busy coping a feel he doesn’t notice your other hand, going to the syringe duck taped to your thigh.

It happens quicker than the Don can blink. The most powerful man in the underworld can't be bothered to protect his life for a pretty little piece of ass. You smile down at him, and his hand squeezes the round apple of your behind.

His hand is still on your ass when you whip your arm around with as much force as you can and drive the syringe and plunger into his neck.

You must have hit something in his neck because he barely has a second to splutter before he’s going still and quiet. Mouth falling horrifyingly slack. His breath rattles and his eyes dart as his whole body is paralyzed near instantly, in the time it takes for his blood to circulate.

Two paces, swing, plunge.

The beta barely has a second to scream or stand to attack you. You are so much younger than they are. Your body might be fragile and frail but It’s still stronger than hers. Her brief scream is easily drowned out by the scratch of the TV.

She ends up on the floor, the icing on the cupcakes sticky as she falls into half of them, tossed onto the floor by your brief tussle as you straddle her struggling form. Her pushing gets weaker and weaker and she sobs.

It doesn’t surprise you when you see the black tracery of a dying mating mark itching up her skin.

One thing that the family had always been oh so careful of was to talk only in their mother tongue around you. Secrets are best kept when they’re spoken in foreign tongues. It was a way to isolate you. To make them speak English for you to understand felt like a beholden request. At one point It was a point of insecurity for you, always left out of the loop, always relying on your husband to keep you in the know.

You bend over her as her pushing gets weaker and weaker, the arsenic doing its job, causing numbness and the tingling of extremities before it causes paralysis and then coma and death. Your hair falls in a sheet over the beta’s face.

You’ve studied much over the last few months. Enough that you lean in close over her and speak your words in perfect Korean.

“You look so angry,” you croon softly, dragging a finger down her cheek. Spittle froths at her mouth as she breathes heavily. “You shouldn’t- if you want someone to blame you only need to look in the mirror.”

You lean in close until your lips brush her ear, “it's your fault you see- you're the one who lied" you mimic her voice, making it scratchy, "'just wait a little longer, it will be better for the family if you stay quiet." you laugh, "as if that where true, the only person it benefits is you. You where ready to let him hurt me and kill me if i just stayed quiet."

You wipe away a bit of spit from her lower lip, "You always told me how it was your duty to protect the family- but you only serve yourself. If you'd have done something, if you'd have helped me I wouldn't have had to do this. You just wanted me to shut up and die quietly.”

You switch back to English, “Well now it’s your turn.”

You watch her tongue go numb, paralyzed, but the poison hasn’t advanced far enough for her not to speak.

“Fucking- worthless bitch.”

You laugh and stand brushing some crumbs from your skirt. She’s already too weak to move, to shout, or fight you. You watch the light start to leave her eyes, winking out so slowly, like a dying star. But she still looks so pissed.

“You don’t have a right to be angry, you killed me first. You can’t blame me for fighting back.”

She gives her last breath and the TV plays on. Your shoe ticks her hand, her fingers twitching weakly. You watch as she gasps her last breath, a small smile on your face.

You sit at the table and turn the TV down. You wait a few minutes, but it quickly becomes an hour. You have yourself a nice little treat while you watch, turning the channel to a food network while you eat.

You really are a fantastic cook. The crumb on this batch is so nice you don’t even taste the metallic tang of poison. You eat through one, and then another, until the whole basket is empty.

Before you know it there is a concerned knock at the door. The lock clicks and turns when you answer it.

When Moonbyul opens the door, you laugh at the expression on her face. Licking the frosting from your lips. Even that is delicious.

She takes in their bodies, crumpled on the floor the frosting on your cheeks. The evidence. Both of them dying. A violence you cannot undo.

Her voice is somber. “Oh Pup, what have you done?”

~-~

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Notes:

this chapter is a very classic bily chapter, in the fact that there is a fuck ton of fluff and then bang the mafia bits just take you out. we needed to get back into the mafia bits of the story sooner rather than later though 💀

i felt like i was going a little too over the top with certain bits of puptalk in this chapter, but i really wanted to use it to show that like yeah- the pack has been treating her alot more gently since her breakdown, they've been babbying the fuck out of her, even if we don't get to see it :(

Hobi's texts are so???? Fucking cute?? He's so hopeless my god he wants to make her feel loved without actually saying it and i hope you read them and just go "oh, you're an idiot."

I have this whole elaborate backstory to how wonho's gym works with monthly subscriptions to classes where people can decide how many classes they want to take a week, ie gym dues for facilities and then discounted classes on top if they pay for it before hand, with several tiers.

this chapter almost feels clerical- this is definitely more of a set up chapter- where i needed to check off a lot of boxes, like hobi's courting present- before we go any further into the story. things are going to start amping up in terms of stakes pretty quickly.

That one part, where hobi is kinda malfunctioning after the m/c touches his cheek and everyone teases him feels the most representative of the pack as a whole. like that part where they're all replying- feels very real. i struggle a little to capture a sense of domesticity in concise ways, but i think this part is very tidy.

That little touch with hobi- where he touches her wrist and her finger, that touch has so much weight to it, i personally think the whole pack was tasting the sexual tension on the air, can you guys feel it too or is it all in my head?

idk why yoongi calling tae babygirl makes me so flustered but it does 🥵

i really wanted to work calling tae mommy into the chapter someway but tbh this chapter felt complex enough without it.

there is like- one plot hole in this whole story, and that is in the first chapter of the story when yoongi gets a call the person on the other line says "grandfather is dying." implying that his death wasn't instantaneous like this is shown to be. however, in my mind- the injections don't actually kill the don and beta but plunge them into a coma that they never wake up from- is this an actual possibility with arsenic poisoning- NO IT ISN'T lol, you're just going to have to suspend your disbelief for me.

the m/c has always been the person who killed the don and the beta- i've known this since like...maybe the 4th chapter? it wasn't in the og og plan for the story but almost everything in bily has been hammered out since then. and tbh you already knew she killed them just not that it was this violent! does this count as a secret???? idk! maybe!!!

she's a little murder baby just like minnie <3

[drvirgus]

Protecting (my heart)

Idol! Minji X bodyguard! Reader

Description: getting a new job as NewJeans bodyguard isn't really something Y/n thought would happen to her. What exactly happens when she suddenly felt attracted to one of the NewJeans members? Can Y/n stay professional or are her feelings for Minji too much to handle?

Warnings: stalking; harassment; kys jokes; suggestive language; death threats; mention of abuse; mention of murder;

Chapter: strange feeling (half-written)

Masterlist

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With a gentle smile, I extended my hand to the taller one as I opened the door. Minji hesitated visibly, thankfully unnoticed by anyone but me. Her eyes briefly glanced at my hand and then at my face before she finally took my hand and stepped out of the van.

As she stepped out of the van, the screams and shouts began immediately. Minji had a meet and greet with some fans who bought over a thousand albums today. It was a small event, but quite a few people showed up. Some of them weren't even invited and now stood on the sidelines just to catch a glimpse of Minji.

I let go of the taller one's hand and closed the van door. I stood behind Minji, my face stern as I saw the faces of the fans. I glanced around several times. Minji was busy delighting some fans with autographs and photos. Her manager stood at the door of the event, impatiently tapping his watch.

I nodded hesitantly and moved closer to Minji. "I'm sorry, but we don't have time for this," I said loudly enough for Minji to hear me over the screaming fans. The taller woman glanced briefly at me before nodding and then smiling at the fans.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone throw something at Minji. With narrowed eyes, I immediately caught the object and examined it. It was a small stuffed animal. Apparently, it was a gift, but it definitely shouldn't have been thrown.

With a serious look, I immediately looked at the person who threw the object. I briefly looked at Minji. "Please continue," I said casually, handing the object to another bodyguard standing behind me. I put on a small smile again to reassure the idol next to me.

Upon entering the building, I stepped away from Minji, prompting the taller one to look at me questioningly. I simply smirked. "What happened?" she asked, looking at me. Her hands were placed on her hips.

"It was a stuffed animal," I replied, gesturing for the taller one to follow her manager. I immediately followed Minji and watched as she sat down at the long table. I positioned myself against the wall, far enough away not to disturb her but close enough to intervene if necessary.

I watched her interact with some fans, men and women of all ages. Minji's laughter filled the room, and she signed every album she received.

However, my eyes fell on a middle-aged woman. Her long black hair fell into her face, and she looked quite friendly. I observed her nervously playing with the stuffed animal in her hand. She immediately jumped up when it was her turn.

I fixed my eyes on every small movement, even taking a step closer. Now I could overhear the conversation between Minji and the slightly older nervous woman.

Honestly, I had a bad feeling. I didn't know exactly what it was, but something sent shivers down my spine. Even when another bodyguard tapped me and tried to get my attention, I just shook my head slightly, and he understood.

Fortunately, if my senior, who had been working for NewJeans for years, was not present, I was the head bodyguard. I had to make all the decisions and instruct the other bodyguards.

"Um, hi Minji, it's such an honor to meet you. I've been a fan for so long," said the nervous middle-aged woman. With a smile on her face, Minji looked at the fan and politely smiled, "Oh, thank you! It's lovely to meet you too. What's your name?"

"My name is Hee-Jin. I've followed your career since your debut, and I must say, you've truly grown into such a talented artist. I feel like I know you so well. Like we have a connection," the older woman said, her voice carrying a certain undertone.

"Thank you, Unnie! That means a lot to me. Would you like me to sign anything for you?" Minji replied professionally with a broad smile on her face. She didn't seem to find it strange at all.

The stranger nodded as she let out a small nervous laugh. "Oh, yes, please! Could you sign this album for me? It's been with me through so much."

"Of course! Do you want me to make it out to anyone special?"

The stranger only focused on Minji. Her eyes lit up as she shook her head briefly. "No, just your signature is perfect. Thank you so much, Minji."

Minji smiled and promptly signed the album cover. She handed the album back to the fan, who accepted it and bowed slightly. "You're welcome, Unnie. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Minji asked, focusing solely on the fan in front of her.

Hee-Jin smiled nervously as she now presented the small teddy bear. "Actually, there is one more thing. I have something for you."

Minji's eyes lit up. "Oh, how sweet! Thank you, Unnie. That's very thoughtful of you," Minji replied as she took the teddy bear and waved to Hee-Jin with one of its paws.

The woman smiled nervously as she repeatedly bowed. "I hope you like it. It's just a little token of my appreciation for all the joy you've brought into my life. It's been such a pleasure meeting you, Minji. I hope we'll have another chance to chat someday."

Minji smiled as she waved to the fan with both hands. "Definitely, Unnie. Take care, and thank you for your support."

My eyes followed the stranger woman, which Minji also noticed, but she said nothing and simply smiled at the next fan.

The bad feeling was still there... so it wasn't just about this fan?

Questioningly, I bit my lip as I looked around again and then glanced at the new fan. He was an older man who was trying to take Minji's hand. I could see how Minji, without attracting too much attention, skillfully pulled her hands back to her body. She smiled and nodded at the fan.

I cleared my throat as I stood next to the table. "We kindly ask you not to touch our idols," I said politely but firmly. The fan immediately apologized, which I simply nodded at with a smile. However, I didn't move away but remained standing next to the table.

My eyes then fell on Minji's empty water bottle, so I instructed one of the backstage managers to bring a new water bottle, which the woman immediately did. I thanked her with a smile through my eyes and focused fully on my job again.

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[nixie-writes-aot]

Reactions to S/O with Abusive Family

Warnings: mentions of abuse and trauma, abuse of power/status, mention of murder, threat of bodily harm, hurt/comfort, fluff

Characters: Levi Ackerman, Erwin Smith, Hange Zoe

Author's Note: The third and last part. Honestly these headcanons were so fun so I might do more hurt/comfort in the future!

Levi Ackerman

Levi, like Mikasa, is also not terribly surprised. I don't think any of the veterans would be honestly

They all are too used to what the world is like and how cruel it can be even to those who don't deserve anything like that. Especially Levi

Now there are two different reactions Levi might have depending on which Levi 

If its Levi from the Underground, sorry but your family is dead

Thug Levi has killed for much much less. Hell, he killed a group of thugs just for getting in Isabel's way and upsetting her. So the chances of actual abusers surviving after you told him what they've done? Not bloody likely

Levi will, of course, hold you close and bury his face in the crook of your neck all to comfort you

He's very emotionally repressed so you shouldn't expect much else 

Now Captain Levi?

Much different story. For example, unless they were an active threat, particularly in s3, he wouldn't kill them. But oh boy 

Levi is someone who can easily, and will without hesitation, calmly rip into someone just for wasting his time. After all, Levi is one hell of a composed and stoic motherfucker

Now, the worst he might do for non-threatening is harsh words and maybe his own threat, albeit empty

But an active threat? Much different story. Levi learned from Kenny and the Underground that active threats must be taken out

Now regardless of him killing your family or just making them hate him, he is dragging you into his office. The one time he doesn't sweat the potential filth on your clothes, simply pulling you into bed with him and burying his face in your chest

"I wanted to kill them."

His statement is meant to be reassuring, that it would always be you and never them in his eyes

But also Levi is one very emotionally repressed bitch 

Erwin Smith 

Honestly Erwin probably already knew you had a rough home life, not many parents would just sit by and let their children become Scouts under Keith Shadis

The Scouting Legion is still viewed poorly when he takes over, don't get me wrong, but we're talking about a man who had a mental breakdown in the middle of the street and in front of not only all his men but the public too

Erwin would never

Now Erwin knowing and being told is two different things. Erwin could probably only think about his own childhood when you told him so he pulls you close, into his lap and starts playing with your hair and massaging your scalp. As he does, Erwin tells you about his dream and the will of his own father way back when

Erwin has accepted what happened by the time he's Commander Erwin but he still doesn't feel great about it, obviously, so its a moment of weakness for both of you

And thats exactly what Erwin wanted you to see. That you opening up and being vulnerable didn't have to be so one sided even if he was your commander

Now Erwin has a lot of power to throw around, especially if your family weren't anyone like the merchants or nobles or the Wall Church

So Erwin uses that power, lets you see how beneficial he can really be with that always so polite smile on his face even if he's currently ruining the lives of those who ruined your own life

"There are some that simply do not know how to behave, those should either keep quiet or have every dirty little secret spread among their peers."

Like I love Erwin but dude lowkey manipulates a lot of things into happening. Especially when it was concerning Levi in the No Regrets OVA

Hange Zoe

Hange is probably the only shocked veteran when you open up

They are appalled 

"But why!? Titans should be the concern, not each other!" 

And you even almost hear them swear but when you only shrug, they pull you close and sigh. They are well and truly refusing to let you go for even a minute. Hange is very clingy during the night you tell them and even the following day

Only Levi, Miche, or Erwin would be able to pry them away. Maybe Moblit 

They just want you to feel reassured and comforted by their presence

Hange probably takes you out to train with the ODM gear just to give you a proper outlet. They know they like training when upset

Dear god if they see your family? It is one of the very very few moments you see them angry. Even Levi seems nicer in comparison. Hange storms right up to your parent, decks them and stands over them 

"If you touch them again, I will personally make sure you don't have a hand to do that with again."

You probably have to pull Hange off your parent actually

And afterwards, Hange is clingy all over again. They're wrapping their arms around you, shoving their face into your back and sighing loudly 

Hange probably spends the next week making sure you know how much they love you and how much they would do just for you

Normally, you're an average soldier but Hange keeps dragging you away from your squad to their own squad, doing science stuff with them and Moblit

[tired-reader-writer]

Enabled NY @insert-clever-username-1133 here is the AU lore I have come up with for Liminal: The Unstraying.

Put under the cut because I have a suspicion it will get long.

Geduldh as an eldritch goddess of decay right alongside earth, winter, etc. Geduldh being powerful.

In the AU lore, if Ewigeliebe hadn't gone bananas and constantly tried to reduce everything to white sand out of jealousy, dead things would decay and “return to the earth” and in turn enrich it, enrich her. Underground, caves, and such are frequently associated with death and the afterlife in many of our religions and myths, what if the same applied to Geduldh? Or would've applied, if not for Ewigeliebe. Maybe the soul still ascends to the heights but the body returns to her warm embrace, maybe she's supposed to have both. They're her descendants after all. The all-mother.

Let's take a look at Aztec cosmology for instance.

So there were two earthly entities (Coatlicue and Cipactli) both of whom were characterized as ever hungering Lovecraftian horrors. Coatlicue was said to she “feed on corpses, as the earth consumes all that dies”, a goddess of also war and childbirth I believe. On the other hand, Cipactli represented the earth floating in the primeval waters— no idea how the two were related to one another but a source did mention Coatlicue as having originally been a priestess not a goddess so who knows really— who ate anything the four sun gods made because there was no land and so their creations kept falling into the primordial ocean. They had to kill the thing and make it into the earth (even then Cipactli wasn't really dead, so had to be sated with blood sacrifices so it won't go all murder-happy on the rest of the population). Also Cipactli was described as “always hungry, every joint on its body was adorned with an extra mouth”.

Heck, even outside of Aztec cosmology if we look at say Demeter, she's still fucking terrifying? Like, she can withhold her blessings so that nothing would grow? Her sulking/grief over Persephone nearly killed the world? WINTER EXISTS BECAUSE SHE REFUSES TO LET ANYTHING GROW????

And Persephone herself, even if it's debatable whether she actually was a nature goddess or not (sources vary), is still like. Both a nymph and a fuck-off terrifying queen of the underworld.

I'm not sure if it's canon but while fics invoke Geduldh's name in euphemisms to mean passivity... Sure, canon Geduldh may be like that, but what if she was allowed to be angry? The thought that earth goddesses are supposed to be all demure and passive is kinda laughable.

She's compassionate and wants to embrace her children in death but she can't and that makes her fucking angry. And perhaps Geduldh's all-encompassing acceptance is an offshoot of her father's all-devouring hunger/loneliness. She is her father's daughter, after all, and it would be fun if she was more like him than anybody else.

Darkness and earth could be very plausibly linked too, in my opinion, like so:

“Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.”

and

“The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.”

Also earthquakes are terrifying, let me tell ya, and I haven't even experienced a big one.

On the topic of earthquakes— Remember that Mycenaean Greece's Poseidon was more an earth/underworld god with the “earth-shaker” epithet than a sea god and Hades didn't exist in that era and Zeus wasn't the most important god back then— Poseidon the earth-shaker was.

And on the topic of passivity, it actually made me think of Cinderella, and how Cinderella to me is a tale of an abuse victim persevering and escaping her abusive situation. She remains kind and polite bc you know abusers, they don't take well to being talked back to or anything like that, they see any sign of discontent, they bring down their boot on you ever harder. I know this because I'm in an abusive household at the bottom of the totem pole 🥲 People have talked about and analyzed the Cinderella story from this angle far better than I have, and I hope y'all come across such analyses eventually. I'm not too physically well to do an in-depth dive into this one unfortunately.

Geduldh is trapped in an abusive marriage. Her family doesn't cast Ewigeliebe out or kill him because they (it was the God of Darkness in particular I think) want living things. How does Geduldh feel about any of it? Of her body being used like that? Unclear in canon. But what if in the AU, she's angry?

It's not that she doesn't want children or living beings, far from it, it's just that she wants a say in how Yurgenschmidt is governed. She is also associated with compassion if I recall correctly, and noble society... is the opposite of compassionate.

And to add to the fucked up cake we have... The goddess of Chaos. If I remember correctly she desired the God of Darkness but couldn't obtain him but what if. What if she had a fucked up Petyr Baelish thing going on, like he saw Sansa Stark as the daughter he could've had with Catelyn but also desiring Sansa to be his, same dynamic between the Chaos Goddess and Geduldh, the child most like the God of Darkness.

All of that cumulates in Geduldh making a divine messenger in the form of a Devouring child born mysteriously fatherless in the Adalgisa Palace. Well, twins. But Horaia's is a whole nother thing not many will be stoked to learn about since they're an OC and I've already posted about their backstory on tumblr before, so we're skipping over it.

Bonus round: Geduldh's Monster.

Not the backstory, but the Vibes™ Horaia, especially civil war era Horaia, is supposed to give:

The vibe of blood vessels being exposed and pulsating, even on armor and clothes, like they're a part of Horaia's body itself. Not literal blood vessels but like. Looks close enough to be Creepy™. The armor is them and they're the beast the monster the killing machine on the battlefield, it's just another of the roles they play. Horaia already feels like they're acting out roles in hopes of not sticking out as inhuman among noble society (it's naaaaasty) so this time, why not lean into a role they'll fear out of spite? (In the sense of “oh you preach cruelty to me? you want cruelty? FINE I'LL GIVE YOU CRUELTY.”)

Like Hector who spooks his son because he was wearing a war helmet and it symbolizing how war makes monsters out of them all? Somewhat like that but entirely voluntarily.

Horaia, touching the face of her betrothed Ferdinand, the one whose hand in marriage they won in ditter after Magdalena ditched him (not out of romantic love, it's entirely platonic, both Ferdinand and Horaia in this AU being aroace, but a deep desperate sense of friendship, codependency, attachment, and duty), asking him “If I become something unforgivable, would you still love me?” and afterwards accepting Geduldh's (+chaos') blessings into their body to become That™. Corrosive, devouring magic, if you know the Shadow from Fate/Stay Night: Heaven's Feel? Yeah, that. The same effect that thing has on pretty much everything.

A drawing of Horaia as Zent, disheveled and bitter and resigned, to close this post off.

[bangtan-bish]

YANDERE! BTS Reaction: They kill you by accident

⚠️WARNING: Once again, gays, gals, and non-binary pals, read the title. There will be mentions of murder-suicide, abuse, and violence as well as other mature and disturbing themes. So if you happen to squeamish, don't read this fiction pleases! Happy reading! And love ya!! HAPPY DELATED VALENTINE'S DAY!!❤❤❤

|| HYUNG LINE ||

K I M S E O K J I N

"Why would you do that?!" you screamed at him loudly, crying over the corpse of your friend. "She tried to warn me about you," you choked out through the steady stream of hot tears. Jin just stood over you, covered in her blood. The sight made you want to smack that smug grin right off his face, and before you knew he was trying desperately to appease you. "Sweetheart, she's not your friend, okay? I'm the only person who truly cares about your safety and wellbeing, not her." He cooed, caressing your cheek gently. "Leave me alone, bastard." He frowns at your words, then, he starts smiling again like he never heard what you said.

He grabbed hold of your face, pulling you closer to him, "You will respect me, got it?" you pull away. This time, his smile falls and doesn't come back again. Before, you were always so easy to tame, always respectful and polite, the thought of even associating that filthy word with him never even crossed your mind. She changed that though, didn't she. The thought of your "friend" daring to taint your innocence caused him to kick her corpse from your hands. Once again, he grabbed hold of your face, this time the still warm metal of his gun is pressed hard against your lower jaw. You try to snatch away again and without thinking he fires the gun, lodging a bullet into your skull. Your body falls to the floor.

BANG!

"Shit, {___}? {___}, get up...please?"

He hates how weak he sounds, begging for you to get up and talk to him. He wants to scream so bad, but he can't find the strength and the lump in his throat feels too big. He knows you're dead, he just doesn't want to believe that he was the one who did it. He planned on the both of you being with each other forever but he ruined that. Part of him wants to blame you for trying to leave him, but he can't. That's when the ideas hits him like a ton of bricks.

He's going to join you on the other side.

He has to, he doesn't want to live down here on earth if you aren't here. The world was so dull and lifeless to him before, he can't imagine what going back to that would be like. It's painful. He'd much rather be able to see you happy and not be able to get to you than not at all. He presses the gun up against his chin, in the exact same way he'd shot you, slowly he closed his eyes after staring down at your body for a few more minutes.

"I didn't mean it, baby..."

BANG!

M I N Y O O N G I

"I have very simple rules for you, sweetheart. I just don't understand what's so hard about doing what I ask of you." He murmured from above you as you hesitated at the door. His footsteps started to come closer, making your anxiety peak, you knew if he caught you that you'd be in some serious trouble. 'Run, dumbass!' You mentally berated yourself, trying to push your body forward and out of your captor's grasp. Just when you had encouraged yourself enough to run he grabbed hold of you.

"Let go, I don't want to stay here!" You cry out loudly, desperately trying to pull away from him. You looked like a child who's father was trying to take them home from the park, he scoffed. "I'm doing you a favor, okay, I'm keeping you safe. Here, with me." You still tried pulling away, flailing you arm to loosen his grip. The more you moved about, to get away the more annoyed he became, part of you knew that, but you could care less. If you just went with him willing he'd just take you back and punish you cruelly, maybe even lock up you in that stupidly dark basement. Right now, you'd much rather risk him punishing you for fighting back rather than just for escaping.

You fought against him for a solid two minutes before your hope started to deplete before your eyes. Hot tears began streaming down your face and the dark cement of the bridge. The lights of cars passing by catching them and making them light up on your face. "Let's go back, now." Yoongi pulled you up from your knees roughly, and you did the only thing you could think to do, you kicked him. Your foot made impact with his knee, causing him to stumble a bit and lose his footing. He scowled and struck you across the face, you landed flat on your butt. The forces sends you tumbling off the bridge and into the Han River below.

SPLASH!

The instant you hit the water, remorse washes over him. He allows his emotions to get the better of him and control his actions. And it costs you both your life. He always knew that somehow, it would haunt him in a way. He doesn't even hesitate to climb onto the railing, gazing upon the city for the last time. He knew exactly what he had to do. Then, taking in one last deep breath, he lets himself fall I to the water below.

"Please, darling, don't leave me behind..."

SPLASH!

J U N G H O S E O K

"You will obey me, you don't have a choice, baby..." He yelled holding the gun to your mother's skull. Beside her, your father lay dead on the floor as she cried out at his corpse. "Please, leave my family alone, I'm begging you!" Your mother screamed through her sobs. "Shut the hell up! I'm not talking to you." You sat there in terror watching as he pressed the gun against her head harder. "Don't you want this to end, baby? You know that you have the power to make it all go away, just do as I tell you." He sneered.

Your mom shook her head, "Don't listen to him, sweetie. I'm going to be okay," you started to sob harder. He had you trapped, trying to force you to make a decision of risking your life or your parents'. But your father was long dead. If heaven existed, you knew he'd be there for sure. He was a good and caring husband, unlike Hoseok was to you. "I'm talking to you!" He called, snapping you out of your daze. "Make your decision...now." He cocked the hammer to the gun, you felt your breath hitch in your chest. "It's going to be okay, sweetie, don't think of me, please. I need you to stay alive." You felt your heart pang in your chest.

The pain you felt was indescribable and you found yourself unable to think or even speak. And after a few minutes your heard Hoseok suck on his teeth. "Fine, I'm making the decision for you."

BANG! BANG!

"Eomma! No God, please don't leave me, please!" He chuckled from above you. "You would have never made the decision yourself, consider it a favor." You scowl at him. "You stupid son-of-a-bitch!" The sorrow you felt seconds before dissipated at his remark. You lounged forward at him causing the gun in his hand to go flying somewhere in the room. While he was still on the ground you began to punch him in the face over and over again until he knocked you off by smashing a vase against your head.

CRASH!

Your body went limp and fell to the floor. A few minutes later, his adrenaline high was gone it dawned on him what he'd just done. He fought so viciously for you to be with him forever and then ruined that same chance with hands he'd fought for it with.

"{___}, hey, get up..."

His voice sounded hoarse and weak and the eccentric light he usually held in his eyes began to fade already. There was no response at all. He sat there in the silence before he finally urged himself to stand, looking at the mess he'd made all for you. The bright white walls were marred with streaks of blood from the gunshots he fired. Coffee table overturned. He had really raised hell itself, he scanned the room for his lost weapon. And when he finally did he walked towards it. Cocking the hammer for the finally time, he pressed it against the underside of his jaw.

"I hope you'll forgive me for this...I love you."

BANG!

K I M N A M J O O N

Your friend had heard a knock on the door, and desperately you tried to beg her to not to open the door. "It's probably one of my other friends calm down, they said they were coming over." She reasoned, but it didn't calm your nerves. You weren't supposed to be there by Namjoon's rule, hell you weren't supposed to be out at all. You let her convince you to come and hide out at her place until you could find a safer place to stay. The knocking was persistent, becoming more and more frequent by the second, until the door finally gave way.

Namjoon's eyes flared with rage when he saw you there in her house. Your friend quickly stepped between the two of you, sensing your fear flaring up inside of you. "Move." He'd told her, the venom in his voice sending a chill down your spine. You knew you were in for it when the two of you got home. So to at least lessen the blow on your friend you place your hand on her shoulder, "I'm just going to leave, okay? I'll be fine." You flashed her a weak smile, that gave away your unease about leaving with him. But before anymore protest and mind-changing could occur he dragged you out of the apartment by your wrists. "I'm sorry," You mumbled as he took you towards his car.

He opened the door for you as usual, which you didn't expect and you sat down. When he got in, he slammed the car door and started the engine. His silence made you nervous. You'd rather him yell at you than for him to stay silent, because if he was yelling you at least knew where his head was. The drive was suffocating. Neither of you spoke a word, and he was driving faster than usual. The car screeched to a stop in the driveway, and he got out and opened your side of the car. And when you got into the house he treated you like normal.

He opened and closed the door for you locking behind you, he helped you with your coat, took of your shoes and everything. And he did it a gently and with such care, it would've fooled other girls into thinking believing he wasn't mad. You went upstairs and showered and when you came out he told you to sit down.

As soon as you did, he struck your cheek. You had to bite the inside of you cheek to prevent yourself from screaming outloud. This continued and he got more and more violent until you stilled in your seat, falling onto the floor. At first, he believed you to be unconscious but after hours of you just laying there he realized what exactly he'd done. He felt the guilt begin to nag at him. He tried to ignore the feelings, bury them away in hopes that he'd perhaps forget you and your relationship with him. But as the days passed he got more and more irritable without you there. Until, he couldn't bear it anymore and decided life without you wasn't worth living. He took four different bottles of pills and closed his eyes for the last time.

"I love you baby..."

A/N: By request of a reader, the gifs have been removed from both this post and the maknae post. Please respect my decision and the reader's feelings and opinions, thank you!

[broodwolf221]

meta that's mostly about vivienne and her pro-circle views, but also touches on both sera and anders. I love them all and that shows, none of this is character hate, but I'm trying to explore the nuance at play here

adding character hate on this post will get you blocked

cws: mentions of the following: abuse; starvation; murder

obviously sera and vivienne are very, very different from each other... but I think one important commonality between them is a desire to avoid anarchy as a solution

sera doesn't want the red jennies to become a new political power - she wants to keep the current batch of nobles on edge, knowing that the "red jenny" may come for them if they fuck up too much. she also doesn't want to take out all the current nobles bc she knows that new ones will rise to take their place. she hates the nobles, but she also sees how an anarchist revolution would harm the very people she cares about, those she's trying to help as a red jenny

vivienne doesn't want to abolish the circles, but she also doesn't want to permit the abuses within them... but she, quite realistically, views the destruction of the chantry/subsequent vote for the dissolution of the circles as an inciting factor in the mage-templar war

anders' actions gave people new and immediate reason to fear mages. whether he was right to do it or not - and I tend to think he was - does not preclude it having consequences, even those that directly harm the very group he was trying to liberate

further, the function of the circles as a place for mages to train is necessary, and is also why I personally tend to feel a little uncomfortable with direct parallels being made to rl groups. no minority or oppressed group in rl can accidentally burn down the family barn because they get upset. I'm all for ppl making these connections if that works for them, but I always look at things first and foremost as existing within their canon context, not referencing reality outside of it

with that in mind... training mages is necessary. they need to be able to avoid possession, to learn to control their abilities, etc. does it need to be in a circle tower? no! ofc not! but there does need to be a form of training

vivienne sees the circles as fulfilling that role. the dissolution of them plunged mages into uncertainty - the anarchy she is so opposed to. who will train new mages now? how will they even be discovered?

in banter with dorian, sera once mentions a mage who got picked up by the templars, so he's "better now." dorian reacted with shock, asking if she knew what the southern circles are like, and she replied that he got three square meals a day, a cot. and he wouldn't starve or be killed in the street, both of which she'd seen

this isn't saying circles are the ideal, because they have abuses occurring within them too. the one in kirkwall seemed to be the worst, but we can't know the extent of it in every circle throughout time. it is, however, a place with a severe power imbalance and stark controls placed upon people as a matter of course

it is also the current and only solution within a large part of thedas. without it, what will happen to those kids who get mad and burn a building down? will the non-mages around them be kind, or will they be brutal? will they be able to turn them over to rogue apostates?

this is the problem with anarchy imo - some systems absolutely deserve to be destroyed, but there are a LOT of people who are going to fall through the cracks in an anarchist revolution

so, tl;dr: anders was right. and vivienne is right. circles are bad, but they are also the only system in place rn. and sera and vivienne have an anti-anarchy pov that they share, which is very interesting to me.

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

Someone DM me insisting that Belos is a Hate Sink unlike Lord Voldemort because "their fantasy crimes are too unrealistic to be hated" unlike Belos who "is a human planning to murder all the witches, who are highly similar to humans." And I'm like, did you even read Harry Potter (I mean, there are legit reasons not to)?

"This fantasy wizard who is planning witch genocide is too unrealistic unlike that other fantasy wizard who is also planning witch genocide!!"

No seriously, it's funny because Belos and Voldemort have a lot of similarities and to say that one is more realistic than the other is absurd: Both are former humans who perverted and destroyed their bodies through the misuse of magic, both see their group as superior to another group that is just minding its own business, both seek to destroy said group because of that preconceived sense of superiority. Both even brand their followers with magical tattoos to signify that difference! The causes of their motivation are different but they are functionally the same.

Back when Harry Potter was the biggest fandom in the world, a lot of people made comparisons to Voldemort's Death Eaters to the Nazis; both are obsessed with blood purity and seek to rid the world of those they consider impure and to have their supreme leader rule everyone.

Like, it's really obvious.

The fantasy genre as a whole has an escapist element and a common plot that pops up a lot is the "diverse group of heroes set out to destroy the Big Evil trying to take over the world as Supreme Dictator For Life." It's an easy Good vs. Bad plot and if you add in how the Big Bad oppresses people based on physical traits, beliefs, etc. then you can easily read a political angle as well.

And honestly, really good and memorable villains will have that real world element to make the threat more believable and engaging for the audience: Voldemort is basically Wizard Hitler, Darth Vader is an authoritarian, etc. So the idea that a villain is so hated because their "fantasy crimes are too realistic" is laughable.

(Also, as a side note, it's really funny that that person said that TOH witches are really similar to humans while HP witches and wizards are literally just humans without any pointy ears to physically distinguish them from Muggles.)

I honestly think the reason why Belos is so hated is because of Hunter--full stop. If he wasn't abusive toward Hunter and people didn't project their own feelings onto Hunter and see how relatable his situation is, then I doubt Belos would get this much vitriolic hate. (We're also in this very strange time where some younger fans seem to think that liking a villain means you support their actions.)

I think that's the element of realism that triggers people the most; compare Voldemort to Umbridge, people can like Voldemort and not get flamed for it but EVERYONE in the HP fandom hates Dolores Umbridge. While Voldemort is more of a typically fantasy villain, Umbridge feels like a person you could meet in real life. She's a bureaucrat who takes over the school and enforces her oppressive and nonsensical laws with an iron fist. Power wise, she doesn't stand out from the other wizards but she has institutional power, which makes her terrifying as a villain. It's easier to defeat the one Big Bad and save the day but it's damn near impossible to destroy the System that makes little Umbridges every day.

Again, I think that what triggers people about Belos is how he treats Hunter not the whole witch genocide thing or "colonization" because the show spends more time showing us how much Hunter suffers than the whole Boiling Isles.

[finitefall]

out of curiosity have you watched the youtubers hills alive dany vids ( I avoided them because she seems to be a dany anti given the title of the vids ) but is she one of the people you talk about when talking about dany antis since recently she made a vid saying that her crucifixion of the masters proves she is a bad queen

I just watched it since many people are talking about it. More nonsense, but I’m sure a lot of people are eating it up - including antis Dany who insisted for years that it made her a tyrant, or mad, and who will now say “have you watched this video? it’s proof that she’s a bad queen!” because they found someone who sounded smarter than them. I’m not gonna comment everything, only a few parts:

Killing people who have enslaved, abused, mutilated, and murdered countless people for their own profit is not something anyone will ever be inclined to argue against.

Funny, because that’s exactly what antis Dany have been doing for years.

Ultimately, regardless of who did what, these are all masters who engaged in human trafficking and all sorts of unimaginable violations of basic human rights.

Duh. So it’s wrong because...? Ah, yes, an “interesting” take on why it makes Dany a bad Queen: she didn’t know which masters were responsible for the 163 crucified children, so she shouldn’t have allowed the Meereenese to pick which ones would be killed. There was no investigation or trial. Please explain to me how she could have discovered the ones responsible for the 163 crucified children, how she could have been sure those were the ones guilty of that particular crime with everyone accusing each other to be spared? It wasn’t possible. Either she’s delusional about it, either she’s aware of it and is, in fact, saying that Dany shouldn’t have killed any of the masters.

Ironically, despite the fact that this was meant to be a harsh punishment to the slavers [...], it actually provided a lot of the more politically intelligent and manipulative masters of Meereen with an opportunity to strengthen themselves and get rid of potential rivals. [...] They would put forward their enemies and protect their allies. Or they would simply throw out the weakest of the bunch because there would be little consequences for betraying the people who aren’t truly powerful in their societal structure. So what that in mind, it is a near certainty that some if not most of the people who Dany killed were not only not responsible for what she was killing them for, but wound up on the literal cross because they were not powerful enough for their compatriots to bother protecting them, or because someone with more sway or political acumen wanted them gone.

That sounds like an interesting, logical argument. Except that Dany isn’t stupid and she knew she couldn’t discover who was responsible for the 163 crucified children. So she sent a message instead by asking the Meereenese to hand over 163 of their leaders and crucify them: you shouldn’t have done that, and this is what’s gonna happen to you if you touch innocents again. If she had picked herself who would be punished, she would be blamed too since she had no way of knowing which slavers were behind the crucifixion of the 163 children. If she had thought that it would be the ones responsible for it, the most powerful people in Meereen, the most dangerous who were chosing which ones would die and decided to punish the former ones instead, she would have been accused, again, of not having any proof.

So Dany was supposed to go to Meereen and tell them they were terrible people, but not do anything. That’s what she’s saying in this video.

She largely seems to see Meereen as a trial run to figure out how she is going to rule Westeros.

That person has literally zero understanding of Daenerys. She chose to fight slavery because she’s been a slave herself. She cares about those people. She’s not fighting slavery to figure out how she’s gonna rule the Seven Kingdoms: she’s fighting slavery because it’s a fight she believes in. It’s so important to her character, you can’t even talk about Daenerys Targaryen without talking about this.

If there were anyone among them who supported Daenerys or had some kind of ethical agreement with her desire to revolutionize the slave cities, they ironically were almost certainly among those that the Meereenese offered up to be killed.

That’s only a wild guess, with no proof to back it up. Does she truly believe any of those slavers wanted things to change? Of course they didn’t.

She then points out Dany’s previous mistakes, because apparently everyone is allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, except Dany. Once she made a mistake, they have the proof that she’s not a good ruler and will never be a good Queen. What’s interesting though in this video is that she points out the subtext in ASOIAF, how GRRM is writing a storyline with a message behind it. She’s doing the same thing here, avoiding the past mistakes of antis Dany. She doesn’t try to defend the slavers, she doesn’t try to excuse any of the masters, she doesn’t say Dany shouldn’t have done anything. Instead, she’s pointing out how Dany is a bad Queen because of how she tries to fight slavery, offering absolutely no opinion on what she could have done to succeed.

And that’s really the whole point of this video, in fact: Dany doesn’t offer a good justice and made enemies because of course slavers don’t want her to be in Meereen fighting slavery. There’s no good way to fight slavery, so she shouldn’t have been in Astapor, Yunkai and Meereen. If she’s gonna make mistakes, it’s best not to do anything. If she’s not gonna succeed, it’s not worth trying. Slavery is absolutely atrocious, she insists on this in her video and I do believe she is sincere (edit: after knowing more about her, she isn’t being sincere at all), but it’s not our business and it’s not Dany’s business. We can’t fight it, so we’re just gonna sit around and cry about it. It’s nor our fault, really. In fact, people like Dany trying to break the status quo are the ones in fault because they start huge fights and wars instead of coming up with a miraculous way to peacefully end slavery.

With those kind of videos, it’s always interesting to read the comments and here’s one:

All of this has me wondering about Faegon. He's a lot like Egg (King Aegon V) from the Dunk and Egg stories if you think about it. A prince who knows what it is to live like a commoner and have a hard life and who generally seems like he'd be an advocate for the commonfolk and perhaps not too brutal as well. He seems, by all accounts, someone who might be a good King yet he is likely not the real Aegon VI but something like a Blackfyre imposter. In contrast, Dany is unquestionably a Targaryen who even has dragons yet she fits the way Varys describes Tommon to Kevan "Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right." and is quite brutal. I think George might be saying "She is technically the rightful Queen but this imposter would actually make for a better ruler than her." a sort of play on the common trope of a rightful heir rising, regaining the old Kingdom and ruling justly. She won't rule justly, I reckon, but the imposter would have and therein lies the irony. My pet theory anyway.

This comment was liked by Hill’s Alive, and I had a feeling that was proven right when I looked to see if she had made a video about Young Griff. I didn’t watch it and have no intention to (there’s also so much bullshit I can take from one person), but her theory is that Young Griff, a character introduced in the fifth book, is actually the real Aegon (son of Rhaegar and Elia). I’m certain she explains very well how he will be a good King unlike Dany. She already didn’t have much credibility in this video about the 163 crucified masters (she tried though, and sounds much more convincing and intelligent than the “mad queen killed innocents slavers” antis, I’ll give her that), but she doesn’t have any credibility left at all with Young Griff.

[dustyro0m]

Can I make a Jason x reader request

!!CANON DIVERGENT AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TITANS!!

Titans Jason Todd x jokers gn child reader. (Not explicitly stated though)

Angst at the start, and ambiguous ending. Can be seen as angst or fluff.

I have changed some things from the request to make it more suited to more audiences. I also didn't really understand the ask so I tried my best! I'm very sorry this took so long, school has been very hard these past few weeks...Thank you very much!

Warnings- mentions of murder, extreme sadness, guilt, anger, abuse, crying, and running away. (LMK if I’ve missed anything!!)

Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, this is proofread but if I have made any pronoun mistakes, or any other mistakes let me know and I will fix it! Just please be polite :D

...

Everything is supposed to be different now. Everything was perfect.

No more death, no more suffering, everything was...serene. There was a routine.

You were finally distanced from your father. No more was his name attached to yours. And Jason. With him it felt like the entire city was yours and his. No more pain, no more suffering no more guilt and regret.

But now it feels like how it was before you met Jason. Before everything changed.

You never really liked Hawk. You knew that he and Jason had quarreled in the past, and the way he looked at you when he found out that you and Jason were dating just sealed the deal. But he was a good person. He helped people. That made him good.

Never would you have expected Jason to have killed Hawk.

He remembers everything vividly. The look on his older 'brothers' face. How Dove cried. How everyone looked at him when he sobered up from the gas. He didn't have anyone to turn to but you.

You wiped the blood off of his face, and stayed with him through the long nights. You were mad at him but you sympathised. Cranes recipe was scary, no matter who was under it.

It feels like your whole world came crashing down around you. There wasn't supposed to be any more death. Not from you, and not from Jason.

He's not supposed to kill innocent people. Hank had a life, he helped people.

You werent neccesarily a good person. You fell in love with Jason Todd for example. And trying to take over Gotham would land you the moniker of being a not so good person. But you had one rule and that was to not kill good people. Your father had done that and you hate your father.

You had told Jason not to kill innocent people. He had this anger inside of him. The best way to describe it was a burning rage fuled by loneliness and regret. And he listened to you. He didn't kill anyone innocent. Which makes the recent news even more devastating.

You remember being around your father. Everytime you were around him you would get this feeling, like a deep rooted disgust that could never go away. It was a disgusting ugly feeling felt like liquid anger and revulsion mixing with shame and guilt pooling up to your chest and spilling out of you through your words and actions.

You thought you would never feel it with Jason. But as you look at his mask, discarded on the floor of your shared apartment you feel it again.

Disgust.

Revulsion.

Fear.

Shame.

Ashamed of your boyfriend. What a horrible feeling for a horrible situation. You loved Jason, and you told yourself (and him too) that your love for him was infinite. But why are you feeling shame now?

You pick up his mask silently. Equally as silently, you throw it to the ground.

Again, and again and again.

You hated scarecrow. You hated Hank, you hated Dawn. You hated Dick, Bruce, Gar, Rachel and Donna.

You hated Jason.

The mask lies in pieces at your feet as you feel regret wash over you.

Jason has extra masks, and he would easily forgive you just as you could easily lie about what happened to his mask. But all that anger that you felt subsides.

You pick up all the broken pieces and place them together in vain. Nothing would bring that mask back. Exhausted by your emotions, you throw the pieces away and slump into the couch.

Jason walks into the house as you're watching TV. He doesn't say anything to you and you don't say anything to him. He microwaves some crappy TV dinner and serves it to the both of you.

You study him as he eats. Sharp features that blend together softly. Piercing blue eyes that made your heart skip a beat. Big warm hands with prominent veins and prominent scars.

All features that made you feel giddy. You can feel the giddiness fade away as you look at him now.

After dinner, he goes to take a shower.

It feels like staying in this house with him is sufficating you. It feels like he himself is wrapping his hands around your neck, and squeezing and squeezing.

Is this the life you wanted? Is how you want to spend the rest of your time with Jason? Angry, confused, guilty, shameful?

You decide you’re going to leave. You’ll stay with Dick for a bit, maybe Donna, or even Bruce if worst comes to worst. But just away from here.

Jason passes out at 11.PM on days where he doesn’t patrol. He’s completely wiped out as you pack up your bags. Clothes, burner phones and cables are all tossed into your duffel.

You bought this house with him. It took a long time and you still remember moving in with him. How he held you up to the high ceilings to change the light bulbs, how you and him spend afternoons shopping for furniture. How it felt so surreal that you and him made a house a home.

And now you were leaving it all behind.

You send Dick a quick text asking him to pick you up soon. He responds quickly with no questions. You appreciate that. Just thirty minutes and then you’re going to be gone from here.

Regret swirls in your stomach as you watch Jason sleep. But you push it aside. You know what you want. You’re going to try your hardest to go through with this.

You close the door behind you as softly as you can. It clicks behind you and you let out a sigh. Your heart clenches as you walk to the door.

“Y/N? What are you-”

He wipes wipes the sleep from his eyes, confusedly. His eyes flicker down to your duffel bag and your hand on the door.

“Jason…I’m sorry, I can’t…I don’t…” years start to sting in your eyes and streak down your face. Warm and hot, his face mirrors yours. You drop the bag, and before you know it your face is in his chest. Your arms wrap around each other and you both cry and cry and cry. It’s warm in his arms, and you haven’t hugged him in so, so long. It feels amazing.

“Stay. Please” he whispers.

You look him in the eyes, and you know what you're going to do.

[wishthefish]

Did Nie Mingjue abuse Jin Guangyao?

I've witnessed quite some disagreement amongst the mdzs fandom regarding Nie Mingjue's treatment of Jin Guangyao. Such great curiosity plagued me that I decided to kill the cat and examine whether this truly did occur. I will examine inequality, discrimination, abuse and victim-blaming attitudes within this analysis so please don't read on if any of this may upset you.

Abuse: Purposeful violence resulting in, or with the intention of causing physical harm, suffering and/or injuries.

After the cultivation clans gather to discuss Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing's branch of the Wens as a threat, Nie Mingjue expresses disapproval towards Jin Guangyao;

Nie MingJue walked over, "All clever talk - hard work indeed." Hearing this, Lan XiChen smiled but said nothing. Jin Guangyao knew that Nie MingJue would teach him a lesson whenever he found the chance" -Chapter 73

His clear disapproval of Jin Guangyao is rather interesting for he doesn't offer such judgement to the cultivators who used Luo Qingyang's gender as reason enough to ridicule her defence of Wei Wuxian. The Wens are evil, therefore any force that opposes them must be good in Nie Mingjue's view. So, when misogynistic attitudes are weaponized against Luo Qingyang, he says absolutely nothing because such discrimination supports their claim that the Wens must be eradicated. He has no objection to this underhanded technique yet disagrees with Jin Guangyao's lie about not remembering what Wei Wuxian said.

But, even then, he doesn't object to his lie during the discussion. He cares little for politics (eg. throwing Jin Guangyao down a staircase before several witnesses) so his refusal to openly criticize Jin Guangyao isn't because it was a politically astute decision but because his lie supported Nie Mingjue's argument that the Wens (and therefore Wei Wuxian) must be annihilated.

He isn't angry about the deceit itself but rather that Jin Guangyao lied. His anger isn't justice but rather distrust of Jin Guangyao. With this, I refute any claims that his aggression towards Jin Gaungyao is somehow justified. Also, the notion that somehow such aggression can be justified is a perversion of reality and is just very weird.

Jin Guangyao is also in great danger whenever Nie Mingjue abuses him. Nie Mingjue's murder attempts are almost always preceded by bouts of violence. Let's use the time he threw Jin Guangyao down Carp Tower as an example:

He raised his foot. Yet Jin GuangYao neither avoided nor took defence. The kick landed right on him, and again he rolled like a pebble down Carp Tower -Chapter 49

Nie Mingjue kicks Jin Gaungyao down Carp Tower even whilst knowing the unfortunate circumstance that was Meng Yao's first meeting with Jin Guangshan. A very clear parallel between Nie Mingjue and Jin Gaungshan is established within this scene. Just as Jin Guangshan could refuse to harm one of his bastards because he was a powerful man, Nie Mingjue can abuse Jin Gaungyao because he too, is a very powerful man.

This parallel demonstrates Nie Mingjue's supposed 'righteousness' isn't fuelling his hatred of Jin Gaungyao but rather his very personal feelings towards him. he views Jin Gaungyao's deceit as a slight against him. He takes offence when Meng Yao doesn't fully match up to his perspective of him. He can justify viewing Jin Guangyao as manipulative and sly because Jin Gaungyao doesn't adhere to his views. He is angered precisely because he can't understand him. Meng Yao hurt him, so Nie Mingjue feels justified in hurting him back. Physically.

It's horrifically petty because they are not equals. They never have been! Meng Yao is first his subordinate. He doesn't reconcile with their new relationship as sworn brothers, going as far as to continue calling Jin Guangyao "Meng Yao". Perhaps Nie Mingjue still sees Jin Gaungyao as his inferior and Therefore feels entitled to harm because of a personal grievance with him. Who would dare oppose the righteous Chifeng-Zun for putting a prostitute's son in his place?

Nie Mingjue always believes his violence is justified. After burning Nie Huaisang's belongings he says:

“The both of you should be tied up and beaten once every day”

Although it appears to simply be a threat, the phrase takes a dark turn when considering burning Nie Huaisang's belongings was initially just a threat too. It isn't unreasonable to assume (had Nie Mingjue lived long enough) that he would have truly beaten both his brothers.

Nie Mingjue does not regret causing Nie Huaisang great anguish, proving he believes his aggression to be justified. It isn't just Jin Guangyao who was left liable, but also Nie Huaisang who hasn't committed any significant atrocities as Nie Mingjue believes Jin Gaungyao to have done. 

The Villanous Friends Extra continues to supply us with information;

...he saw a small area of purple at Jin GuangYao's forehead that wasn't hidden properly. He laughed, "Where did that come from?"..."Nie MingJue did it?"

Jin GuangYao, "If he were the one who did it, do you think I could still be standing here and talking to you?" 

Although Jin Guangyao claims Nie Mingjue was not the perpetrator of his injury, it is worth noting Xue Yang's initial assumption was that Nie Mingjue harmed him. His aggression is common enough knowledge that even Xue Yang whose interests lie wholly in revenge and demonic cultivation knows of it.

Yet again are the power discrepancies between Jin Gaungyao and Nie Mingjue highlighted for nobody appears to care enough to attempt to protect Jin Guangyao from further harm. Nie Mingjue is allowed to abuse Jin Gaungyao without interference.

Moreover, Jin Gaungyaos' relationship with Jin Guangshan is infamous - just look at his courtesy name! Madam Jin is infamous for disliking Jin Gaungayo, especially after she publicly admonishes him. Lan Xichen too discusses his relationship with his parents;

Lan XiChen "His mother never liked him to begin with. After ZiXuan-Xiong passed away, she often hit him and scolded him. These days, his father also refuses to listen to him" -Chapter 49

Instead of assuming his parents harmed him, Xue Yang assumes Nie Mingjue is the culprit suggesting such abuse is widely known and accepted by society. 

Jin Guangyao also asks:

"If he were the one who did it, do you think I could still be standing here and talking to you?"

Suggesting that a) Nie Mingjue's aggression is so damaging that it takes days for recovery or b) there's a high chance of his death whenever Nie Mingjue is angry. Most instances of abuse occur before Nie Mingjue attempts to kill him, so I believe B to be the most reasonable answer.

Here's another quote I found that supports my argument.Not cool Da-ge, not cool:

Lan XiChen's face disclosed his worry, but Jin GaungYao stopped him, then followed Nie MingJue out of the Blooming Garden. As soon as they approached the edge of Carp Tower, Nie MingJue bought his palm down on him

To conclude, Jin Guangyao is often victimized by Nie Mingjue on the basis of a perceived slight or hatred. Although Nie Mingjue uses justice to legitimise his aggression, his distorted perception of reality ignores the power inequities that pervade society. So yes, I do believe he abused Jin Guangyao.

[stars-and-clouds]

Iba Hachiro- Character Behaviour Analysis

Yandere: A character, who has an obsessive and possessive side in regards to their crush, ready to use violent and murderous means to maintain an exclusive bond.

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding in regards to many characters which makes sense because of the numerous adaptations with canon changing each time but Iba Hachiro’s case is interesting because he has only one canon- the two main games Edo Blossoms and Kyoto Winds.

I'll try to explain why Iba is not a yandere/psychopathic/gaslighting/manipulating/lying man (I have read all of these adjectives being used to describe him and it’s really upsetting...).

Following are the reasons I came up with when having a discussion with a fellow server member and I thought I’d share them here to let others like me know that you’re not crazy or gaslighted by him for liking him...

1. He is completely missable if you don't pick his first two romance options. Yanderes do not give up, whereas Iba stops coming around if you don't remember him. He moves on. Something he would not have done if he was obsessed and was chasing Chizuru around.

2. You meet him again in other story paths and he does not talk beyond formality to you.

3. He stopped coming around and they grew distant as children as is wont to happen naturally. If he was deeply in love, that wouldn't have happened. They lived in the same city. His training would not have consumed his every day, every hour as he was still a child. He would have plenty of opportunities to come around.

4. Iba is not possessive at all. Kazama is actually the only possessive romance option afaik. Iba encourages you to look at other shinsengumi men because they're his friends too.

and politely asks you to wait a little bit so he at least has a chance. That seems very fair to me and he does not hint even once that if she does choose someone else, he will act crazy to obtain Chizuru instead of them.

When she does choose someone else, Souma in this case, he is supportive first and then naturally acts protective over a dear friend.

5. He pays attention to Chizuru's inner turmoil, very similar to Harada and Saito. When you pick the option to reluctantly leave the shinsengumi in chapter 5, he interrupts Hijikata (which is interesting since his dedication to Hijikata is on Yamazaki and Saito’s level) to say that knowing Chizuru’s wishes is important even when Hijikata scolds him for confusing Chizuru, and asks Chizuru if she really wants to leave. When she says no, he puts a rock on his own heart and let's her stay even though it is making him extremely worried knowing she'd be in the centre of a battlefield.

6. Actually cares for her mental well being by taking her out of the headquarters and by giving her new experiences like trying new sweets, taking walks to new areas, etc.

7. He wanted to kill himself for letting his demon arm control him. The man was seriously depressed of what he was doing to Chizuru when all he wanted was to make her happy.

7.1 He was literally asking her to leave him because he is unable to keep her safe. In an abusive relationship, such as with a yandere, possession is the ultimate goal. You don't ask for what you covet to leave you.

8. He is not gaslighting or manipulating Chizuru: He only brings up the past in about three instances and none of them are put in a way that is to gaslight her. They are always either in regards to her power or to explain why he feels protective of her. He never uses it to force her to feel a certain way about him.

9. He has not been obsessed with her for over a decade and did not train and become a warrior only for her: If that was the case he would not treat her with as much formality as he does on your non-romance paths. Their relationship would have always been on the front for him. He takes his Okuzume duties very seriously as his bushido is just as important to him as it is to the shinsengumi men. He is basically a shinsengumi warrior who couldn't be in the shinsengumi.

10. The nostalgia he holds for Chizuru makes sense since he is only 19 when you meet him. Chizuru is about 16-17. They had only 2-3 years between them. Since he was older, he would remember it better than Chizuru does and obviously think deeply upon the person who pushed him to go train. I have no doubt he would have picked up the katana at some point in his life, being the heir to one of the biggest dojo, but when he did it wasn’t out of a sense of filial duty, it was to protect a close friend. We all remember the reason or the person we were pushed onto our path in life. For him, it was Chizuru.

10.1 He is not lying or gaslighting Chizuru about her past: He cannot be lying about her bullying and healing powers because up until the game begins, Chizuru's powers are her best kept secret. How could he have known about them, if he wasn’t there when it happened? Not to mention, her recalling the past happens from her perspective. I feel like people take away Chizuru’s agency and treat her like an idiot when it comes to her own mind (I’ve seen this happen when people discuss Harada’s romance too). She isn’t a genius but she’s not a donkey either.

11. Chizuru's suppressed memories: in Kazama's route we learn what happened at Chizuru's village when she was a kid: the fire, killing, kidnapping etc. was a traumatising event. Being attacked with stones by bullies who call you monster is another traumatising event that happened only a few years later. Chizuru has had a traumatising past and it makes sense for her to forget a big chunk of her childhood, which would include forgetting the people she met, like Hachiro and replace it with a more familiar person like her father.

12. In regards to him being a "white knight": Firstly, why is being a white knight a bad thing? Secondly, that's literally his job. He is a samurai. They are sworn to their lords and a samurai's behaviour reflects upon the lord they serve. He is an okuzume which means he is directly connected to his lord i.e the shogun. If he is not behaving knightly, he is failing at his job. Not to mention, he is extremely sensitive and empathetic. He holds his values very close to his heart and believes in treating everyone with respect, despite his privilaged, noble upbringing. Being a bystander to injustices goes extremely against his nature and lifestyle.

13. Wearing his heart on his sleeve does not make him weak: I think a reason people dislike Hachiro is because he is very open about his feelings from the start. Somehow, his honesty is his problem...? I have seen the more cryptic love options like Kazama, Saito, Hijikata and Okita being more popular than the more open and honest ones like Harada, Iba and Sakamoto. Perhaps it is a preference but being openly vulnerable shows a different type of strength and it should be respected, imo.

14. He respects her wishes: He could sense Chizuru was not ready for sex yet and he respects it, even in his drunken state. Even when you choose to deny him, he is not passive aggressive. Again, yanderes/abusers/gaslighters don't do that. They would get offended and make you feel bad or scared of them.

Side note: I don't think Hachiro was ‘in love’ with Chizuru as a child. One can’t truly understand love at the age of 7-8. He uses the older brother honorific for himself in the first few interactions we have with him and only afterwards (chapter 2 iirc) that he stops using it, showing the transition from the childhood friend/older brother to a grown man who wants to court a woman.

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 7 Review

- I’d like to get off of Prospera Mercury’s wild ride

- Miorine is finally going to Earth, not to escape her life rife with politics, but instead to try and bolster her image. Meanwhile Guel seems pensive to go back. His small time on Earth changed him into a new man, one that doesn’t have a home in either space or on earth. Meanwhile Kenanji, a professional, has no outwardly displayed anxieties and instead just cracks a joke. He’s been immersed in the dark underbelly of Spacian and Earthian conflict so he’s used to the large pressure everyone’s under

- Martin became Secelia’s water boy and I love it. Okouchi got Quentin Tarantino and Dan Schneider in the writing room for that scene. But for as abrasive as she is, Secelia gives some good advice. Martin can’t spend forever wallowing I’m his guilt. He needs to be upfront with his feelings and accept that sometimes, you just gotta do something, even if it hurts

- Guel recognizing Sedo and chasing after him, leaving Miorine to fend for herself was a dumb move, but a realistic one. He wants to reconnect with a proper relationship this time. Plus, it seems like Guel just has a soft spot for kids in general. However, him chasing after Sedo gave him an important piece of information. That Shaddiq was the one ordered the terrorist attacks that got his dad killed, and boy is Guel pissed. I want to see him 5 v 1 Shaddiq’s squad (Renee and Felsi can fight it out alone) and gain his position as the best pilot in the WFM verse

- Speaking of Shaddiq, this man is the biggest fucking “nice guy” I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t even see Miorine as a human, just a perfect porcelain doll that needs saving. Nothing can be her fault, it must be everyone else’s. Which is even bigger cap because he was the one who let Guel abuse Miorine for two school years and didn’t do anything about it. Asshole. He hates Guel for “dirtying” his precious waifu, even though she’s told him to get bent already. He didn’t care about her dying during the Plant Quetta accident because she would have died with his image of her intact, but now he’s left coping and seething.

- Lauda is similarly coping and seething by thinking that Miorine is ruining his older brother. He just hasn’t realized that Guel has grown independent, and Lauda needs to as well.

- The meeting between Miorine and the Earthian representatives was very interesting. Miorine brought up job prospects, but the Earthians don’t care about that. They want people to stop assaulting, murdering, and taking advantage of them! It’s only until Miorine brings them something that can truly help, medical equipment, that they listen to her. But they still aren’t ready to support her because she has no real power. Sadly the small amount of trust they built up was destroyed due to Prospera’s machinations.

- Suletta truly embodying the tanuki she is by digging through the trash, but luckily, Chuchu comes to help her once again and bring her to her friends. Earth House loves her, and they’ll support her through thick and thin. And through this support, she realizes that Eri loves her too. She wants to protect her from the war and violence that she and Prospera will be inflicting. And now, Suletta is motivated to move forward properly and gain a life of her own.

- I’ve been fawning over Till since the fourth episode cause I think quiet boys are cute, but he fucking stabbed me with that hair down look. He’s such a good person, stating that Nika should be the one to tell them, and supporting Martin but not babying him. He supports Miorine on her business ventures, helped Suletta talk to Miorine, and is just an overall calming presence. Top 3 best boy, next to Guel and El5n

- And speaking of El5n, that scene in the prison room was engineered to make me go crazy. Norea is going crazy locked up in that room, only being able to think about Sophie’s death, her loneliness, and her mortality. The drawings that once comforted her are just black scribbles, showing her mental state. When El5n picks up the discarded book for fun, he passes by the dark pictures and lays his eyes on a beautiful lakefront. A life El5n never had, and a life that was cruelly taken away from Norea. They’re both just children, but they’ve been forced to bear the dark and ugly sides of the world instead of the beautiful ones. And in that moment, El5n fully understands and falls for her. He focused so much on his own life, but now he has someone else to protect. A hurt girl with no future, much like El4n, who he couldn’t save.

- As Norea screams at Nika and El5n to die, for everyone to die, she breaks down, realizing she really doesn’t want any death. She didn’t want Sophie, her almost-sister to die in such a horrible way. She doesn’t want to die for some cause that’s way grander than her. She wants a happy life indulging in the simple beauties of Earth. And El5n, someone who understands longing for a happy life despite fate’s cruel jokes, holds her hand and comforts her. The two loneliest people have found each other, and as El5n recognizes her pain, he may bow to stay with her. For someone who said he’ll live no matter what, how tragic yet poignant would it be if he sacrificed his life for Norea? I would cry my ass off. I just want them to live in a lake house, Norea making art while El5n reads books from his predecessor’s library.

- RIP Feng. She worked hard to find a way without fighting and gave Miorine a helping hand. She sniffed out the corruption in the Space League but it came too late. As she struggles from the pain the gunshot gave her, she pushes Belmeria to act. To stop looking away from the pain she’s caused and to truly make a difference for the better.

- Prospera herself doesn’t support the new Ochs Earth, using the distraction she started to destroy the Gundam facility. Prospera acts in her and Eri’s own interest. She doesn’t care about the hundreds of lives she just ruined with her plan. Those lives don’t matter to her as much as her daughter.

- But Miorine cares. As much as she tries to act distanced, she cares. It’s why she gave Suletta a tomato and searched for a way to save lives with GUND-Arm. Miorine cares for others and now in her eyes, she’s caused immense suffering. She went to build up herself, but in that moment, she realized that she should have cared more for the struggling people. With Guel going off on his own revenge play, Miorine is now alone. But Suletta will support her. Just like how Earth House believes in Nika, Suletta will believe in her.

I’m not ready for next episode. Guel and Grassley are going to conflict, Norea will go even more off the deep end, and Miorine will be on her own once again, before she met Suletta.

[ryoryeonggu]

THE UMBRELLAS VS THE ORIGINALS

Seven siblings

Worst parent(s) in the world turning children into monsters

Abused, manipulated and traumatized childhood

Dysfunctional dynamic

A bunch of idiots with a worst/chaotic team up ever

Luther Hargreeves / Elijah Mikaelson

Leader of the family

The strongest one

Protective

Honorable aka "thAT'S mURDER" vs"neeeeeklaussss"

Polite and respectful to the elders

Tries to keep his siblings behave then finally gives up in the end

Only wants to protect his family and decides what's best for them but ends up making all bad decisions

Suits (Black suit / Monkey suit)

Diego Hargreeves / Finn Mikaelson

Hero complex

Mommy boy

Easily manipulated

Wants to save people but his strategies always involve violence and murders

Has no clue of wtf is going on

Made fun of him and called him a fool multiple time by his siblings

DILF

“Batman aim lower” vs “Sherlock Holmes after one too many tequilas”

In love with a crazy bad bitch who would fight anyone but them (Sage/Lila)

Allison Hargreeves / Freya Mikaelson

Big sister who takes no shit from anyone

A powerful bad bitch with "i don't give a sh*t" energy

Lost her child

Cares a lot about her siblings but also so done with their stupidity and endless bickerings

Done with everyone in general

Rolls eyes 90% her screen time and shut people's mouth with her power

Would do anything to get what she wants

Has soft spot for his little sister / smol little brother

Klaus Hargreeves / Kol Mikaelson

No one takes him seriously but ends up having all the answers, everyone pls listen to him

"nowhere to be found" but always shows up when needed

Wildest and wisest

Unique power amongst family (seeing ghosts / witch)

Alcoholic and high all the time

Tells the kidnapper "my family don't give a shit about me" while being tortured

A punching bag

Highest death and coming back from the death counts

Deep quotes / nonsense shit / inappropriate jokes

Sexually active

Lives for dramas and chaos

"Disgusting but consistent" aka a sexy trash

Fun uncle

Looks sociable but actually anti-people ("don't touch me" and you can't say Kol didn't accidentally start a cult too then ran away from his worshippers)

Five Hargreeves / Klaus Mikaelson

Psychotic murder

An aggressive sarcastic dramatic bitch

Master of planning

Disappointed at his incompetent siblings all the time

"is it too late to be unadopted" vs "this family makes me want to murder people" - but actually just wants to be with his family and wants them to stay together

"I'm better than all of you" aka "I'm the hybrid" "I'm the DADDY here"

"LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS/USELESS PUKE BAG" and "if you don't do it I will kill you" aka yelling, insulting and threatening are his love languages

Throwing, kicking and screaming aka the stress relievers (note: the stress level is always high)

Teleports out of nowhere and hovers over people like creeps

Everyone want to kill him (including his own family and his brothers's lovers)

Grumpy boomer and anti-people

Anger issues, paranoia and potentially some personality disorders

A romantic when he's in love

Has soft spot for his little sister / smol little brother

Ben Hargreeves / Henrik Mikaelson

DEAD

Sweetest angel who never did anything wrong in his life

Adored by everyone in the family

The family fell apart after he died

Viktor Hargreeves / Rebekah Mikaelson

The baby of the family

Soft, sensitive and emotional

Looks like a cinnamon roll but actually can kill you

Adored by everyone in the family but also was abused, manipulated and lied to all his/her life

Abandonment issues

Stubborn and naive, but grew to be the mature one

Almost got his/her family killed twice but has precious bonds with all siblings

Desperate for love and finding identity

Kissed boy(s) and girl(s) (terrible taste in men)

Note: Finn and Kol could pretty much switch places to each other since they has a lot of similarities - anger issues, trauma from being locked/abandoned in coffins/ graves, being overlooked, underestimated and treated like a fool, dying and coming back to life repeatedly... Kol is also head over heels for a special power girl who had a vendetta against his brother and tried to kill their family. And he also did have a bit of hero complex, given the fact that he died twice for trying to save someone/the world. But I prefer that way because Kol is the one who matches the chaotic energy of Klaus xD

[silvysartfulness]

1, 2, 12, 16 and 22 for the ask game! No particular fandom, up to you.

the character everyone gets wrong

Gonna say a toss-up between Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang here.Guess it depends on whether you mean in fic or just in The Discourse in general?

I see so so many bad takes on Xue Yang, especially people utterly glossing over his trauma, and... I'm happy for you guys, I guess, who've apparently never known trauma and what it does to a person? It's not a matter of Xue Yang deciding to be a murderous asshole because he broke a finger once. It's that his entire personality and the way his mind works were brutally shaped by severe abuse and trauma at a very young age. You don't have to like him or at all condone his actions, but have a little compassion, for fuck's sake.

As for Xiao Xingchen... I don't know which rubs me the wrong way the most, the "lol XXC can't do math" crowd claiming he's outright stupid, or the "lol XXC was raised by hippies" who utterly disregard his whole cultural context. Personally not at all a fan of mean (dom) Xiao Xingchen either, I just can't see it work with his canon personality, but to each their own, I guess. I won't read it, though.

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Hmmm. That's actually a tough one, because I hc Xue Yang (And Xiao Xingchen for that matter) as rather fluid switches without particular preference as long as things are sexy and feel good.

I guess you could argue that Xue Yang would be wary about who he'd let top him because of his rough and precarious childhood and how badly the world's hurt him, but then, the boy also has a self-destructive high-risk-behaviour streak a mile wide, so.

I guess the closest I can get is that I don't think Song Lan enjoys the idea of bottoming, partly because of his more ingrained ideas of masculinity and femininity and the power roles he feels are inherent in topping/bottoming, but more importantly because he already struggles with physical touch, and the idea of being held down, touched and "trapped" in any way during sex is a bit scary. Not to say he wouldn't come around to it, but it'd take a lot more mulling over - and gentle experimentation. 😏

I already answered 12, so moving on to 16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Oh man, is this my cue to mutter about mean dom Xiao Xingchen again? Like, I get the appeal of exploring characters far outside their canon constraints, I really do, and if mean dom Xiao Xingchen tickles your metaphorical pickle, by all means, have fun! I just personal really dislike it. (I am super grateful to all writers out there who have started tagging for it, though! It makes it easier to avoid - and find, for those who are into it. Everyone wins!)

As for pairings, I just don't like SangCheng or XiCheng, they both feel very pair-the-spares to me, and are just... Mm. Not for me. Honestly, funnily enough, SongXiao goes here, too, 95% of the time. I pretty much only like these two as part of SXX - I don't know if it is because of many SongXiao shippers' way of treating Xue Yang like dirt, or just because the two characters on their own don't interest me much, but yeah. On the whole, I won't read fic for just SongXiao unless recommended by people I trust, and I'll only like/reblog art if it's very pretty and doesn't imply dead Xue Yang.

I also really don't like most modern au BDSM fic? So much of it reads like a wholesome manual - and I'm sure for people in that scene, it's really hot! It just doesn't do anything at all for me, except give me secondhand embarrassment. If sex is going to be a bit painful and having undertones of dominance and submission, i want it to be very, very real, borderline dangerous and not done for play or politely negotiated beforehand. Gimme the hot mess or nothing.

(Mandatory disclaimer that these are just my personal squicks and mehs, not passing any judgment on anyone who does like them! My Kink Is Not Your Kink And That's Okay, and ship and let ship. ✌)

I already answered 22, too, but... Hm. I'm sure I can think of more if I try...

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

I think Xue Yang's and a-Qing's relationship is a lot more complicated than a lot of people seem to want to think! Especially for those who've only watched CQL, where a lot of the Yi City arc was either cut or angled to make it into more of a psychological thriller - but they were a family! All three of them, and in the text there is such clear evidence that they all really cared about each other! Even Xue Yang.

A-Qing stole his candy without fear, asked him "why were you like that when you were little??" when he told the first half of the story of his childhood trauma. When she claimed to have been bullied to the point of crying, he protectively told her how to defend herself and made her apple bunnies to cheer her up. Even after Xiao Xingchen's death (and he must have known by then that she was the one who sold him out) one of the things he did while cleaning the house was to make her bed, waiting for her to come back home.

Not least of all, Wang Haoxuan said in his in-character farewell note that Xue Yang would have protected a-Qing as long as their happy 'dream' in Yi City lasted.

They ended horribly, yes, causing each others' deaths, but there was a time where they cared deeply about each other and looked out for each other, and that still matters.