#i tried to get like a lil more sleep but the caffeine in my system said ‘no <3’

[lovevalley45]

whoever said ‘the only train leaving this town should come at 4 am’ is a monster. it’s like the devil’s time. bc u think oh it’s not too bad to wait until 4 am to not worry abt sleeping thru my train coming. that’s the devil talking. i am going to get in the car from the train and be dead immediately

[winter-soldier-vibes]

hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love

Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!

Word count: 3,400 (ish)

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.

A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.

Overnight

People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.

These things rarely happen overnight.

You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.

You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.

It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.

You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.

The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.

See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.

He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.

Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.

Which, you were.

Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.

Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”

You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.

Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were tired of living this way.

You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.

You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.

Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.

Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.

But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.

These things rarely happen overnight.

Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.

You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.

But that only made Bucky worry more.

The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.

But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.

Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.

He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.

He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.

Where the hell were you?

You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?

Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”

“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.

---

You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.

You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.

You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.

You were scared.

You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.

You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.

You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?

Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”

So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?

You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.

These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.

You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.

“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.

“Y/n, can you come down from there?”

“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.

“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.

“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.

“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”

“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”

“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”

You heard his footsteps stop.

“This isn’t going to solve anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”

“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.

But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.

“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”

You shook your head. “No one can help me.”

“At least let me try,” he said gently.

“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”

You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”

You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -

You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.

But it just hurt so much.

You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.

And it was torture.

You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.

You didn’t want to be alone anymore.

You’ve been alone for too long already.

You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.

“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.

“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”

People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.

Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.

“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.

Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”

“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.

“Why not? What’s so bad about asking for help?”

You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”

“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”

“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”

You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”

You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”

I wasn’t alone

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you

These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.

You gave a small nod. “Okay.”

---

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[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 16

First time reader click here

Summary/TWs: Trouble is brewing. Canon-typical violence, graphic descriptions of wounds and Clint whump. Bad, terrible, no-good medical accuracy. Aliens. Reader is an anxious genius with low self-esteem and PTSD. ✨spicy sadness✨

From now on, chapters will be posted un-beta-ed. She's taking a lil break. 💖💝✨

I liked to think I had made peace with the fact that my boys and girls had one hell of a dangerous job. Natasha, Clint, Steve and Bucky frequently left for missions and while I missed their usual bickering in the background, it wasn't like the tower's common room became absolutely quiet. The fact that they mostly did recon-only missions helped, too, as they would come home unharmed and in one piece. The worry was there but subtle - like setting the table and including silverware for the people who were gone on a mission.

Peter's patrols went less smoothly, usually. He was small and even in his spider-suit, the boy was frequently underestimated by common thugs. Apparently, they didn't know how to read the news - it was blatantly obvious the hero was enhanced. And yet somehow, Pete more often than not sported all sorts of bruises, scratches and tears.

Tony and I routinely tore out our hair over the spiderboy's carelessness. The engineer had a funny way of showing he cared for Peter. Once I got to know him better, my brain dubbed them as Irondad and Spiderson. And it wasn't weird at all, somehow, that I was basically fucking my best friend's dad. Tony never made me uncomfortable, if anything, he went to great lengths to accommodate my whims. Tony continuously found time for me, answered my dumb questions and soldiered through the shenanigans I got up to after having too much caffeine and too little sleep.

Sitting in the quiet, empty common room was unnerving. It was shortly after dinner time - the evening news skipped their usual political debate in favour of the battle that was raging downtown, the reason for my headache and wrung hands.

I missed Tony's running mouth. The aliens the team was fighting looked quite hilarious, murderous intentions aside, and I could only imagine the way Tony and Clint would mock them. Hentai rejects. Tentacle porn knock-offs. The aliens were squid-like, about half the size of a human and very, very slippery, from what I spied on the TV.

An irritated-looking Stephen had me equal parts apprehensive and drooling - one after another, he conjured up a series of small portals, teleporting the aggressive octopods only god knew where. It would have looked incredibly badass if not for the exhausted sheen of sweat I could see on his brow, even despite the camera footage being shaky and grainy.

The news footage showed Tony - Iron Man, soaring contentedly through the darkening skies and taking out the squirmy mass of tentacles with his plasma beam repulsors. Steve and Bucky and Loki appeared too, sporadically, being well-oiled murder machines. Nothing new.

Yet, I worried. The little worm of doubt was squirming full-force. I tried to ignore it, yet pacing, sitting and playing Candy Crush got me nowhere. I pestered Friday to order pizza, the team's usual post-mission order plus a large one for me - stress-eating was better than stress-popping-molly in a tower full of superheroes. It took some courage to admit to myself I'd gotten attached enough to be this much from running away from all that in a blind panic.

And it would be the best option for them, really, because they had much sensible things to worry about than me. Yet every time, my selfishness won against even the most logical arguments I presented. I hated fighting myself but it was all I did - not only I was in love with Tony, I loved him.

Even when he forgot about my existence for five days, to emerge from his workshop with a new piece of tech that revolutionised one or another or something else. I loved him when he annoyed the ever living fuck out of everybody, me included, because I knew that it was hilarious to see people getting riled up over totally trivial shit. I loved Tony Stark when he ran away from his feelings, and everybody else's, because he never managed to run far enough. Or he didn't want to. I loved him, because he was like a multilayered puzzle, complex and captivating and beautiful.

I thought a lot about it, more than people would have noticed. For someone as selfish and goal-oriented as me, Tony lived in my head rent-free most of the time. And nobody would find out if I had the choice because let's face it, I'm a short cameo in his life. I'm a fuckin' catch and even then, I can't expect to hold his attention forever. His genius is too brilliant to settle for one when he could easily have the whole damn world.

Another hour consisted of me pacing and accompanying the pizza delivery boys to the common floor. It was hilarious - they were obviously star-struck about walking the same carpet as their heroes. I could see the faint hope of meeting one of the Avengers in their eyes, their posture. All they got was me - in my sweatpants, Tony's tee and no bra. My tits got the attention they deserved, at least.

My lounging was interrupted by a golden circle noisily appearing in the middle of the room, followed by Clint abruptly falling through it with a pained moan. I froze, the pizza in my mouth turning to ash - Strange poked his head through the hole in space, finding my eyes. He looked exhausted.

"Help him, I don't have much time," He breathed and disappeared, closing the portal behind himself.

The pizza piece flew back in the box as I stumbled, jumped over the headrest, kneeling beside Clint in no time. "Bird, tell me what hurts," I demanded. Not that I had a clue what to do. I mean, I knew basic first aid and...

"My leg," He gritted out, curling in on himself. Fear flooded me, limbs turning to lead. Hawk had a good pain tolerance, I knew he could break an arm and not utter a single syllable until he thought it safe to showcase his vulnerability. "That squid motherfucker stung me, I don't know. My whole body is on fire," His speech was slurred.

I nodded, deciding to limit the touching to only the necessary actions. The leg of his pants was torn and the wound itself was shaped like a whip mark, thin and red and angry. It oozed a yellowish pus-like substance, it smelled bitter, almost like stale water and seaweed salad. I didn't know much about aliens but jellyfish stings, I could work with. A short Google check later, I had an approximate plan.

"Friday, run diagnostics." I ordered, taking a deep breath and filing away the fear, the panic and anxiety for later.

"Mr. Barton has a wound that appears to be contaminated with an unknown chemical that is causing an adverse reaction. The elevated body temperature suggests that his immune system is fighting it. I would suggest a blood test to examine the offending specimens."

A blood draw? I could do that. I definitely, absolutely, could do that.

"Bird, Clint, did you hear that?" I gently touched his shoulder only for him to recoil from my hand, muttering unintelligibly. "Pretty bird, I'm going to help you. Let me." My bedside manner needed improvement - with brain running a mile a minute, I babbled utter nonsense as Friday directed me to the needed supplies. Getting the blood was a feat on it's own - I had to physically sit on top of Clint to get but a tiny vial of the red liquid.

A few tears escaped the emotional fortress I had to build within myself. Clint was in so, so much pain - pain I was inadvertently making worse by touching him. I sprinted to Bruce's lab, feeding the sample to be analysed by Friday, tearing through the room in a hurricane. First aid kit, IV, saline, antibiotics. Restraints, too, just in case.

"Analysis complete. The contaminant appears to be acting similarly to a parasitic infection with a short life-span. Primarily feeds on copper, iron and various metals contained in the human body. Does not appear to reproduce or multiply, my algorithms cannot determine the cause of said behaviour. Calculating..." Friday's mechanical voice paused. "I have calculated the approximate duration of Mr. Barton's symptoms. Onset of critical stage in one to three hours. Complete extinction of parasitic organisms in approximately sixty hours."

"Fri, do you think I have a chance of saving Clint before he goes crazy from pain? And have you figured out what's causing it?" My brain was all over the place.

"I have the best faith in you, miss." The AI sounded almost... Comforting? "I am still running multiple diagnostics. My algorithms suggest the organisms may be attacking the nerve endings - reason unclear."

An idea struck me. A crazy, brash, absurd idea. The pathogen was alien and we didn't have antibiotics to kill it. Even if I gave Clint some sort of medicine, it could go awry really really quickly. Besides, wasn't there a medical team for this..?

"Friday, alert the medical suite."

"Request denied. Per Mr. Stark's protocols, only Sir himself and Dr. Banner are authorized to request medical assistance in case of alien pathogen contamination."

"Fuck. Fuck, that makes no fuckin' sense!" I yelled helplessly. "Okay, do you have blood matching Clint's type laying around?" I asked sarcastically. This protocol pissed me off. What was Tony scared of? That someone would steal alien germs? Too late for that, there were plenty of samples all over the sidewalks downtown.

"A-positive, blue refrigerator, top shelf." Friday's answer was curt.

My hands shook. My whole body shook. Clint was laying in fetal position right where I'd left him and the man wasn't looking better - he became paler, dark circles under his eyes, clammy sweat breaking on every exposed part of his skin. Moving him was out of the question - Clint violently recoiled from me once I tried to touch him.

Reluctantly, I dragged the dining room chairs and piled up whatever heavy things I could on top of them, praying to every god that they would hold a trained man trash around in pain. Then, came the restraints. Belts with clips unlike one could see in a movie with a psych ward. I fumbled with them, then with Clint - very slowly, but I got both of his arms fastened and the man rolled onto his back.

"Wwhat... S'appening..?" Hawk finally slurred, cracking his eyes to see my (probably) disheveled and panicked face.

"This is going to hurt, I won't lie. A lot," I rambled, setting up the tools needed for both a blood draw and a blood transfusion. "I'm not a doctor. I'm not a scientist. You have alien parasites in your blood. I'm going to get rid of em," I announced, not mentioning the fact that I had to Google all the things I was going to do to him.

"S'okay, I trust you," Clint slurred again, moving about much more weakly than before. The tips of his fingers began to turn blue and the blood vessels on his face stood out in a pink-purple web. Not good.

My finest thinking moment: laying out some tarp around the archer and putting on gloves and a mask to minimize the possibility of getting infected. I started with the wound first, carefully wiping away the yellowish goop and immediately sealing it into a biohazard container. Some alcohol around the edges, the wound began emanating a faint wisp of smoke as Clint yelled hoarsely. I didn't even react - man, aliens and their germs were fuckin' weird.

Another biohazard container traveled next to Clint's arm. I had a disposable scalpel in one hand and my courage in another - it was now or never. The vein I was cutting was a minor one, but with Clint's body in total disarray, it was an ugly fountain of pinkish-purple liquid that spurted from it. I was no doctor but blood shouldn't have looked like that.

I stared at the timer on my phone. Twenty seconds, thirty, fifty. Eighty seconds, the blood was beginning to have more of a red hue. Clint's breathing slowed, tremors subsiding by a smidgen. One hundred and eighty seconds, the stream was a healthy deep red colour. With a swift motion, I wrapped up the wound, folded his arm, tied off the blood flow higher up his arm with a spare restraint. Clint wasn't moving much anymore; my hand that periodically checked his pulse shook but dutifully did it's job. His heart was working steady.

Compared to having to drain a friend of his blood, setting up the IV with a transfusion was a walk in the park. My mind was empty of any thoughts but for the actions needed to complete the process.

The container with contaminated blood, closed, sealed and put in a plastic bag, along with the gloves and the tarp. My own exposed flesh, meticulously scrubbed with alcohol until the skin became red and raw. All the instruments, Clint's pants, my clothes - in the bag.

The archer himself was laying still, his breathing steady and calm, face no longer looking like he was one step away from the grave. After undoing the restraints, I wiped down every surface we touched with Tony's vodka - rubbing alcohol had run out and I was too emotionally drained to go downstairs and leave Clint for too long. Whenever the booze collided with a stray drop of blood, a wispy smoke emerged. Such an interesting reaction. Part of me couldn't wait to examine the phenomena together with Bruce. The other part was considering the possibility of having a panic attack in a seafood restaurant.

"Fri, keep an eye- a sensor on Clint for me, will ya? I need a shower and some pants," I denounced tiredly, padding to the communal shower. I found respite, however brief, under the steam for a few minutes. Then I found Tony's old tee and a pair of someone's sweats - I didn't care whose. Post-stress adrenaline shivers had me feeling stark naked in the middle of Alaska despite the room being a toasty, comfortable temperature according to the digital thermostat.

Now I just had to think about what to tell the team.

Propping Clint's head on a decorative pillow and covering him with a soft fleece blanket was the least I could have done for the long suffering archer. The floor was hard but I sat next to him, running a hand through his matted hair, my brain an incomprehensible mess.

✨ TAGLIST OF MY LOVELIES (OPEN) ✨

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby

[boyy-wonder-grayson]

Crush

Summary: Jason has a crush on the reader who happens to be Dick’s girlfriend.

Requested: yes

Parings: Dick Grayson x Reader. Jason Todd x Reader (kind of)

Warnings: angst, smut a little

A/N: just a lil imagine that my lovely frined @riseofnightwing requested. (not beta read cause im tired so sorry for mistakes)

The rain tapped against the windows of the tower, a quiet sort of night. The air around the tower was so tense that you could almost cut it with a knife. It's been almost three days since the last time Dr light attacked,and the team was frustrated without new leads to follow. Dick, Hank, Donna and Kory were trying to find something out in the streets,but it's been two hours since they've gone out and so far nothing.

Y/n sighed in frustration, she cracked her neck trying to release the tension from the last few days and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. She's been sitting at the computer for most of the day trying to find something, and waiting for something from the others but to no avail. 

"Hey Y/n" Jason greeted her from his spot on the kitchen. He was already drinking coffee and offered to make some to Y/n which she accepted gratefully. 

"Got anything on Dr douchebag?" He asked making her chuckle. 

"Nothing so far" she yawned covering her mouth with her hand. "And the other have nothing either. I hate this dude, can he like surrender or something in getting really tired of San Francisco's jail system." She complained 

"It's like they let the villains out whenever the city starts gains some peace" she finished drowning the remaining of her coffee. She really needed caffeine today.

Jason laughed at her outburst and placed a hand on her shoulder rubbing comforting circles near the skin of her neck. 

"We're gonna get him, that's what we do" he said looking at her with softness on his gaze.

Y/n smiled down at him, she was a few inches taller than him, and placed her hand on top of his "thanks jay I kinda needed that". Jason felt his heart hammered in his ribcage at their close proximity. It was now or never, he leaned in trying to kiss her, much to her oblivion, but the moment was cut short when her phone rang.

"Hey Dick what's up?" She answered the phone, throwing Jason an apologetic look, leaving the boy alone in his frustrated state. She left the room and went back to the computer and sat down.

"I was thinking maybe we could have some...alone time when I come back to the tower?" Dick asked her. She knew exactly what he meant by that and to be honest she was thrilled that Dick needed her as much as she needed him. She released a breathy laughed and told him that she couldn't wait for him to come back. 

It's been three months since they started dating and almost two years of mutual pining for each other. When she had enough of Dick's bullshit she decided to take the first step and kissed him after one successful mission. A victory kiss if you will, and Dick was happy that at least someone had the balls to make a move. 

Ever since then things went pretty great. What they didn't know was that Dick was not the only one with a massive crush on the female hero. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Jason Todd was in love. Or so Rachel said. She was the only one who knew about her gigantic crush on Y/n and it was an honest mistake that she found that out. Sometimes her powers get out of control and casually that day, Jason was around. He made her swear  not to tell anything to anyone and Rachel assured him she wouldn't say a word.

Jason wasn't the type to pine after someone like Y/n. Not because he was some sort of asshat that believed that he was better than anyone,or that she wasn't enough. It was because y/n was the total opposite of him. While she has a happy-go-lucky attitude towards life, Jason was more of  when-life-doesn't-give-you-lemons-you-kick-down-the-tree. That was one of the main reasons; another one was how much everyone enjoyed having her around, he sure as hell did. She was so optimistic and full of life that at the beginning, that it surprised Jason so much that he thought she was faking it. In this type of life no one was that happy. But with time he realised that she was genuinely just a happy person; which made Jason feel things he didn't want to. He wasn't expecting to fall for someone like her, specially when she's a bit older than him. And specially when he saw his brother act the same way as him towards her more than once. 

It drove Jason insane to see him all over her, but he didn't want to give away his feelings for her.

He was supposed to go on patrol later that night, since the other were already out he would take their place, alongside Gar, Rachel, Conner and Dawn.  He didn't want to leave now that he could spend some time with her, but the job needed to be done. He suited up and just as he was going out Y/n walked past him, she smiled at him.

"Looking good Robin" she told him playfully. He winked at her and made a reverence which made her rolled her eyes at the boy.

"Be safe out there, okay?" She told him with softness. Jason's heart did a flip and he felt his face turn red. He only nodded and before he left she hugged him. He melt into her embrace that didn't last too long much to his chagrin.

He left for patrol not without promising that he would confess his feelings for her when he got back.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Y/n sighed when she felt Dick's lips on the inside of her tights. She grabbed a fistful of his hair to bring her closer to where she really needed him. The brown haired boy chuckled but obey without a fuss. Truth is she loved when he went down on her, and Dick was damn good at it. She bit the inside of her hand trying to tune down her moans but she failed miserably. She pulled Dick's hair harder than before making him grunt in response. She was so out of herself that at this point she didn't give a shit if someone heard them or not. When he was done she plopped down on her side laughing at her state. She was breathing heavily and sweat run through her forehead. Y/n looked at him and saw a smug smile graced her boyfriend's face.

"I guess you enjoyed that" he asked cuddling her.

"Mm what makes you said that?" She asked playfully.

Dick kissed her shoulder and pulled her closer to his chest.

"Oh I don't know, maybe the way were moaning my name when I put my-" he was cut short when she elbowed him in the stomach making the boy laughed. 

"Shut up and go to sleep" she said closing her eyes. She was exhausted and so was he. Whenever they had sex Dick usually leaves in the morning before everyone could catch them,but since they were so exhausted Dick just sleep right through his alarm until a certain black haired boy bursted into the room the next morning. 

The two heroes were soundly asleep when Jason entered her room. He was shocked when he saw them sleeping together and naked. Dick's hands were all around her and she was grabbing the former arm. Jason felt sick. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His brother and his crush sleeping together. Naked. He got out of there fast and bumped into Hank in the hallway.

"Hey man watch it" the blonde said.

"Fuck off" he yelled not even bothering how much attention he drew to himself. He felt his eyes watered. It shouldn't be this bad, it shouldn't affect him this much. But it did, he felt his breath quicken. 

"What the fuck is your problem dude?" Hank questioned.

"You! And everyone in this fucking tower!" Jason yelled.

Y/n and Dick woke up when at the commotion and quickly got dressed. When they reached the living room they saw Jason and Hank fighting.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Dick asked walking towards Jason to calm him down. He tried to put a hand on his little brother's shoulder but Jason shook it off rather violently.

" don't fucking touch you. You fucking traitor" Jason said through gritted teeth. Dick was taken aback by his brothers rage.

"What are you talking about?" 

"You knew i liked her!" He pointed at Y/n who was quiet throughout this whole exchange. "And yet you still went and fucked her behind my back" he spewed the words.

Dick face felt. He cursed under his breath and tried to talk to Jason but the boy just shook his head and walked away. 

Y/n walked out of the living room feeling like shit. How could she not notice this? She asked herself. Jason's been spending so much time with her but she never really thought about this, she thought they were just friends. Just really good friends.

Dick found her crying in her bed. She truly felt like a shitty person.

"Hey stop that" Dick said wiping the tears from her face. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just" she took a shaky breath before she continued "how come we didn't realize this? He's your brother for fucks sake! And now he hate us for this" 

"Do you regret this? Us?" Dick asked with concern across his face.

"What?" She sniffed "no! Of course not. But I just can't help but feel like shit because I love Jason,like a brother and now I don't think there's coming back from this" she sighed.

"Look, I know Jason. He's hurt right now but he'll turn around and come back. He's a good kid he just needs time" dick reassured her.

Y/n nodded and looked at his boyfriend. She took his head on her hands and gave him a deep long kiss. Hopefully things will get better soon.

[brinytrolls]

Hey! I was wondering if maybe you could throw me a post of all your trolls and a lil blurb abt them? I'm a wee bit new to your blog and friggin love your trolls already but I don't know they're names v well or too much abt them.

OOOO ok sure anon!! im trying to work on a new select page with lots of new info on each troll…but due to university its taking me. a long ass time bc i got No Free Tiiiime 

anyway! ill go hemospectrum order, starting with lowest….and hopefully help u learn a little bit about em! ;v; [u can click their names to go to their character pages ;0 tags also included in case u wannna look em up on my blog!! i also have 2 dancestors so throw an ask if u wanna see them too] 

veleno caudae [#vcaudae]

🐍 severely underloved and underrapreciated-she’s a tough vintage city lesbian with a penchant for illegal things and pushing her luck. she works part time as a lounge singer and cabaret dancer, but thats not where her money comes from.

🎲 she likes to gamble against highbloods in risky games of chance, and often cheats or rigs the game. she doesn’t care, she needs the money more than they do. she’s probably one of the city’s richest lowbloods-but no one knows that.

🐍 she’s pretty coldhearted and untrusting of people-being by herself has gotten her this far, and she’s not about to change her system now. 

rest under the cut or this is gonna get LONG

florem viridi [#fviridi]

🐝 sweet lil jade gal just trying to breeze through life. [or..afterlife? it’s difficult to quantify when you’re a rainbow drinker.] life has kicked her down hard in the past, and she’s trying her best not to let it rule her in the present day, despite her anxieties about it.

🌱 she loves nature and all things that come with it-both the beautiful and the morbid. gardening is her main hobby, but it sits alongside hiking, outdoorsy sports, camping and tea making. not to mention a little dissection, taxidermy and carnivorous plant care to shake up her quads more than a little!

🐝 she’s the ultimate grandma friend–trying to feed up all of her friends and quads and help their lifestyle, but she’s not afraid to stand up for herself or tell you if you’re being ridiculous. she’s no pushover, and has a stubborn temper. she’s three ounces of whoop ass

sarkan sarky nerdal [#snerdal]

🐉 my blogs resident dumbass meme man & grubtuber. despite knowing how to build robots and being a pro at maths and science, he prefers to use his tech knowledge to run a pretty well known grubtube channel. he spends way too much time on the internet as a result. 

🎮 has no sense of self preservation whatsoever, doing dumb stunts he passes off as “parkour”, never sleeping [being a shifter doesn’t help], and generally leading a stupidly unhealthy lifestyle. he consumes enough caffeine in one day to fuel a small family, which doesn’t help with his paranoia and jitters about the empire. 

🐉 generally, he’s a pretty sweet dude, although he never knows when to stop joking or tone down the sarcasm. he’s trying his best.

harrel hierax [#harrel]

📰 stuck up birdboy. he works for the mafia, but not out of his own will, forced into it during his studies as a forensics student. he cleans up crime scenes for a price, and is one of the best in the business to cover up your tracks and stop you being chased down by the police. he’s incredibly professional and businesslike to his clients. 

🎷 behind closed doors and away from…illegal business…he’s a total recluse. a huge hypchondriac and germaphobe, he tries to avoid the outside world-and the people in it-in order to try and gain some control of his life. he compulsively and obsessively cleans and reorganises his apartments, hoping it’ll help his anxieties some. it doesn’t.

📰 in the rare alone moments he manages to chill, he really enjoys music, especially jazz. singing, piano and saxophone is a secret passion of his, not that he gets enough calm moments to practise anymore.

faldur gemela [#fgemela]

🐠 a BASTARD MAN. a violet-fuchsia cusp who thinks he’s the hottest shit around, and could not be more wrong if he tried. awful temper, sour disposition, and generally unfriendly attitude make him possibly the worst person to be around this side of the planet. alternia’s portrayal of seadwellers has him believing he’s above the others and deserves everything he wants, and he gets it.

👑 getting everything handed to him on a silver platter has made him jaded and bored-he’s reckless and impulsive with little empathy, turning to other trolls for entertainment ( 😉 ), as well as alcohol, bars, and the occasional murder. spoiled rich kid levels of boredom leads you to extreme things. 

🐠 his quads are trying to make him better, though-trying to make him focus on his less destructive hobbies like reading, writing, book restoration, astronomy and his 15 cats. it’s...a difficult process. 

ans thats everyone!! feel free to ask more stuff abt anyone ur interested in! im aLWAYS open to it!!

[lexiauteur]

Prophet

Jumin/Reader Chapter 1

Request: @bat-yo-us

Wordcount: 2,846

A/N: Whew, this escalated quickly... I might have gone a lil overboard for a request this time but honestly, I’m so happy how it turned out. There will be a second chapter soon; I usually don’t do that with requests but I fell in love with the story and I didn’t wanna keep you guys waiting any longer.

As of lately, I only have time for writing on the weekends. I’m a paramedic now and I have lots of work to do so I’m super duper sorry to keep everyone out there waiting. In addition to that, keep in mind that I’m writing in english which is not my native language so I have to look things up etc. etc.

Please let me know what genre you wanna see on my blog more often. Constructive critisism is very much appreciated as always, and I hope you enjoy it! <3

Prologue

Vision – “an experience in which you see things that do not exist physically, when your mind is affected powerfully by something such as deep religious thoughts or drugs or mental illness”

Brains. The human brain is the central organ of the human nervous system, and with the spinal cord makes up the central nervous system. It controls most of the activities of the body, processing, integrating, and coordinating the information it receives from the sense organs, and making decisions as to the instructions sent to the rest of the body. The relationship between the brain and the mind is a significant challenge both philosophically and scientifically. This is because of the difficulty in explaining how mental activities, such as thoughts and emotions, can be implemented by physical structures such as neurons and synapses, or by any other type of physical mechanism.

It is unknown where in the brain dreams originate, if there is a single origin for dreams or if multiple portions of the brain are involved, or what the purpose of dreaming is for the body or mind. Opinions about the meaning of dreams have varied and shifted through time and culture. Many endorse the Freudian theory of dreams – that dreams reveal insight into hidden desires and emotions. Other prominent theories include those suggesting that dreams assist in memory formation, problem solving, or simply are a product of random brain activation.

But, even though scientists have yet to discover the real purpose of dreaming, the human mind will always be a mystery and some mysteries will forever remain unexplained.

Part 1

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, face turned to the sun. A warm breeze was wafting through the window, giving away that summer was right around the corner. Out of all the seasons, summer had always been my favorite. I’d always enjoyed the sun, the sting of it on my skin after a long day on the beach, the way its brightness lent a new look to whatever it touched. There was no shortage of sun in South Korea, but I came originally from London, and the cold rainy weathers there had left a permanent chill in my bones.

When I had moved to Seoul a couple of years ago, I’d found the slight humidity on hot summer days far more to my liking than the rainy streets of my home city. Of course, as a paramedic in a busy city, married to the CEO of a big company, I didn’t spend as much time outside in the sun as I might have liked. I even enjoyed the sweltering heat of July, when a breeze would feel like a hot flannel, and the evenings were spent on the large open balcony of the company’s penthouse Jumin and I shared. But things had changed since then. Jumin’s company had flourished, the annual income had sky-rocketed, and the penthouse had long since given way to bigger and better things. A year before, Jumin and I had moved into a ten million dollar mansion just outside Seoul, with a wide, rich green lawn and marble floors.

Now I was lying on the king-sized bed with silk sheets, taking in the warm sunrays that tickled my face. It felt good to sleep in for once, I hadn’t had a day off for more than two months, but I was so captured in my routine that I hadn’t noticed my exhaust until now. The daily night shifts were not only wearing me out, they had also destroyed my social life, and most importantly: my marriage. Not that I was complaining, I decided against the usual 9 to 5 job for a reason; because I wanted to do something meaningful with my life, something that I could be proud of when I was old and grey. But lately, Jumin and I had grown apart more and more. During the day, he was working at the company, seven days a week, while I was spending my nights in an ambulance. There was no time for us to live like a typical married couple. I would usually go to bed when he had already left for work, the sun just about to rise above the treetops of our garden. Sometimes I wondered what our marriage would be like if I had a normal job. We had become two strangers living a separate life in the same house. I don’t regret marrying him; he was the love of my life by all means, but this wasn’t the life I had pictured with him.

I was so used to his side of the bed being empty that today felt awfully strange waking up next to him. When I turned my head, his face was just inches apart from mine, his expression peaceful, and the black hair a perfect contrast to his white skin. And although I had always admired his handsome features, it pained me to look at him, knowing he would never look the same way at me.

When I couldn’t bear to look at him any longer, I got up, careful not to wake him, and made my way over to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, dressed, and walked into the big open kitchen downstairs. Although I wasn’t working in an office, I still heavily relied on caffeine to get me through my night shifts. During the months of working non-stop I had pushed my body to the limits, and coffee had helped me to push it just a little further. So just like every day, I brew myself a cup of steaming hot black coffee and went outside to enjoy it on the patio.

An hour later Jumin and I had breakfast together, but the heavy silence between us was slowly but surely depressing the mood.

“How’s work?” I asked. Not because I was interested, but rather to break the silence. There was nothing to talk about other than our work, and even then it felt constrained to keep up a conversation.

He didn’t look up from his plate, pushing the eggs around with his fork.

“Good. I intend to increase the funding of wine for cats for the next three months to help with the production.”

I nodded, studying his expression. The bags under his eyes had become darker since I last saw him and the 5 o’clock shadow made him look old.

“You look awful…” I whispered, accidentally thinking out loud. For the first time this morning he lifted his head and looked me straight in the eye. The sudden sadness that crossed his face felt like a sting to my heart, but then it turned into a look of guilt and he quickly averted his gaze. He started poking around in his food again, then stopped and put down his cutlery.

“Are you happy?”

His question came out of the blue but it drained the blood out of my face. I swallowed hard, his words ringing in my ears.

“What do you mean?” He knew I was playing dumb, but I wanted to avoid this kind of conversation.

He studied my face for a second. Then he repeated his question.

“Right now, are you happy?”

My cheeks started burning. I hated myself for taking so long to answer. A year before I would have confidently told him I was glad to be his wife, that I was happy being married to him, but over time the truth had started to settle in.

“No” I whispered, not daring to look at him.

This was not the life I wished for when I came to Korea. Although I loved him with all my heart, it was time for us to acknowledge the fact that we, as a couple, had to move on.

“Are you still in love with me?” The words came out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. The silence that settled over us took the air right out of my lungs. A single tear was streaming down my cheek.

“I love you, Maya.”

“I know you love me Jumin. But you’re not in love with me,” I sobbed, tears dripping down my chin, “you never were. You just married me because of your father.”

I choked on my own words. I knew this wasn’t fair, throwing these accusations at him. He furrowed his brows, eyes growing cold.

“That is not true and you know it.”

“Then give me a reason to believe you!” I jumped up from my seat. “You just grew attached to me because I listened to you. I was there when you were all alone. I’ve given you the affection your mother never gave you and I asked nothing in return. Because I loved you, Jumin. But all you ever cared about was your father’s company. And you married me because you wanted to make him proud.”

There was a moment of silence. It pained me to speak the truth but as soon as I did, I felt the weights lift off my shoulders.

“I’m tired of it, Jumin. I feel like you don’t appreciate the things I do for you.”

“What am I supposed to do? You’re being irrational and unfair right now, Maya. I think you’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?” I clenched my jaw, “Then please correct me if I’m wrong, but would you have married me if your father hadn’t approved?”

“Why do you care so much about the reason I married you? And what difference does that make?” he asked, raising his voice and jumping up from his seat as well. The fact that he didn’t deny it left me stunned, although I had known it all along.

I studied his angry expression for a second, searching for any kind of affection left in his eyes. But all I could find was disappointment and guilt.

“All the difference in the world.”  It was a mere whisper but I made sure he heard it. For a split second I thought he was going to slap me. But he just took his coat, grabbed his keys from the counter and started tying his shoes.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” I desperately tried to stop him, but he was already out the door.

Part 2

I ran through my mental list of things I needed to check, knowing I’d done everything already. Windows locked, stove turned off, passport at hand. I felt edgy and ill at ease. I was no stranger to travelling, but this was different. This trip there wouldn’t be anyone travelling beside me, not to mention I was visiting my family alone.

Driver Kim was late, but I had plenty of time to catch my flight. Still I found myself restlessly checking my phone, waiting for possible phone calls. Not that I was expecting any. The people who might have contacted me knew I was leaving the country, and the person I most wanted to talk to wouldn’t be calling.

All at once I felt claustrophobic. I carried my bags outside, careful not to trip on the way down our front porch. The car pulled up as I closed the front door. It shut behind me with a solid thunk that had a sound of finality about it. I turned away without a backward glance and walked to where Driver Kim was opening the trunk.

I’d be glad to leave, I thought. This was the first time since I’d moved that I had felt the need to get away from Seoul. I needed to escape for a while, to put some distance between myself and my marriage. Besides which, I’d not visited my family in years. I hoped this trip would be a way of bringing clarity to my mind. And of finding out if I was still in love with Jumin.

As I sat in the departure lounge at the airport, watching the slow and silent dance of aircraft through the plate glass window, I wondered what it would be like going back to England. After having lived in Korea for so long, I had not only adjusted to the country, but also became a part of it. My Korean had improved quite quickly over the past two years, and I’d consider myself fairly fluent nowadays, but I still had a hard time understanding the airport announcements.

“Attention Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to London England. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance to begin boarding at this time, as well as passengers flying first class. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you.“

Since I’d booked a first class ticket, I took my bag and left to enter the plane.

I accompanied Jumin from time to time during his business trips, so I was used to travelling first class. The staff greeted me with a welcoming smile when I entered the plane and a stewardess helped me stow my bag. I sat down and took a deep breath. For the first time I felt as if I had made the wrong the decision. The thought of losing Jumin forever made my stomach twist, but we had to take a break from each other in order to rebuild our relationship and I knew that.

The plane was now ready for take-off and I braced myself for the harsh acceleration of the vehicle. I tightly shut my eyes and clutched the armrest next to me, accidentally grazing the hand of the man sitting next to me.

“Afraid of flying, huh?” he frowned at me. “Actually, flying is much safer than driving; you can look it up on the internet.”

I didn’t really pay attention to him. I wasn’t afraid of flying, it’s just the loss of control that always made me slightly uncomfortable.

After about ten minutes, we had reached the altitude of 33,000 feet, the rattling of the plane had calmed down and so had my nerves. I put my headphones in, limiting the outside noises of talking people and clicking laptops, and soon enough drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the captain speaking. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are currently experiencing some turbulence. Please fasten your seat belts right away, we apologize for the inconvenience. Thank you. “

Turbulences happen all the time so I wasn’t particularly anxious, but for some reason I started feeling uneasy. I looked outside the window. It was already dark; I must have slept for at least two hours. The plane started to shake more violently and I was feeling more and more nauseous to the point where I felt like I had to throw up.

“Excuse me please,” I said to the man beside me who was nervously fidgeting with his tie. Safer than driving, huh? I thought as I stood up and squeezed through the row of seats into the aisle.

“Ma’am you have to sit down during turbulence”, one of the flight attendants urged me but I ignored her and quickly disappeared into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and was barely able to open the toilet seat, before I started throwing up. I didn’t know why my body was reacting the way it did, I’ve never had issues during a flight.

I flushed and slowly pulled myself up on the sink next to me. My knees were so weak I was barely able to hold myself upright. I looked in the mirror, my face was as pale as ash and my whole body was shaking. The lights started flickering above my head. I took one last look in the mirror, before I quickly rinsed my mouth with water and prepared myself to leave the bathroom, when I felt the plane jolt and then drop. Then I heard screaming.

It took the air right out of my lungs. This isn’t happening. My body started moving on its own when I opened the door. There was smoke everywhere, people frantically grabbing oxygen masks that were hanging from the tops. The flight attendants desperately tried calming down the panicking crowds of passengers to no avail. Then I saw the fire outside one of the windows. I stood there for a second, trying to process what was happening. But my mind was absolutely blank. I felt like a child again, I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

I locked myself into the bathroom again and slid down the door, face buried into my hands. The buzzing sound of my blood rushing through my ears drowned out the crying children from outside the door. All I could hear was my steady breathing. Soon enough I smelled the thick black smoke seeping into the room, tasted the bitterness on my lips, and I wondered if it was going to hurt.

The plane dropped again, I felt my stomach twist and turn inside of me. This is it, I thought. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the impact.

[spellcastersjudgement]

Jaden nd bastion for that domestic ask thing? >:3c

THE OTP YES i have so many feelings and everyone needs to hear me sob over the nerd baby and his superhero 

also that icon is the content i look for on this hellsite well done 

who is the big spoon/little spoon Jaden is the little spoon!! he prefers being the big spoon tbh he likes curling up against bastions fuckin ripped back but jaden always falls asleep first because he has to get this twelve hours or else he will be a grumpy boy but bastion?? bastion stays up all night drinking coffee and doing god knows what bc he’s the type of guy thats like ‘hey jaden im gonna go read a bit before i got to bed’ and then he fuckin stays up all night because he has no self control lmao so when it’s like 3am and he’s finally put down his book or finished dicking around on the computer he finally gets in bed and he doesnt want to wake up his husband (yes theyre married in my mind ok im love them) so he just lays down and pulls the human kuriboh to his chest and falls asleep 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity the standard answer is Card Games but besides dool masters they like to go on drives and look at stars and talk abt whatever. bastion is a chemical engineer and jaden’s his professional duelist trophy husband so they dont get to be together as much as they want bc jaden’s tournament schedule so when they’re together they gotta make it count u know so bastion will pick jaden up from the airport and they’ll just start driving out of the city talking about DM or what bastion’s been up to or whatever’s going through jaden’s mind (an enigma lmao) and then when there are no more streetlights to make it difficult to see the stars they’ll pull over and lay on the hood and cuddle and keep talking. it’s like 4am before they finally go home and since they’re going to sleep at the same time jaden finally gets his chance to be the big spoon 

who uses all the hot water in the morning getting jaden to shower is a fucking struggle he’s like a cat. living in the slifer dorm made him accustomed to being a generally gross person in general so he lives off dry shampoo and body spray so he doesn’t smell like hassleberry after a workout so that leaves bastion to take all of the water because he showers every morning after his run and insists on h is hair being perfect and well taken care of. like the guy has at least five different hair care products in the shower at all times while jaden, even though he’s dumb thick rich, buys that 3-in-1 crap he and syrus used to make stretch for a month back in college. jaden is also known to stick his kuriboh hair under the sink and shake it out like a dog because he is a gross boy that usually gets up about ten minutes before he has to leave so there’s no time for an actual shower and we’ve gotten away from the actual question but the tldr is bastion stands under the hot water he’s got one of those mirrors to shave in the shower while he’s doing his deep conditioning treatment and has a pore strip on his nose for beautiful ™ skin 

what they order from take out this one ties in a lot to my sageshipping BrOTP headcanons (on god there needs to be a brotp ask so i can scream to the world my love for bastion/alexis friendship) but the bit of background is that bastion and alexis would always order from this indian place that was open real late at night when they were in grad school together (no delivery at duel academy cause its an island u know) so it has a special place in his heart. jaden is a wimp when it comes to spice but since bastion loves it they order it anyway and the people that deliver the food know to make it wimpy baby spicy for jaden so he doesn’t end up sweating half his body weight up and crapping out lava four hours later 

what is the most trivial thing they fight over oh god they dont fight a lot because they love and appreciate each other’s eccentricities but if they’re going to fight its going to be over who’s doing the driving. they both love cars, bastion likes taking it apart and modifying them and whatnot and jaden likes the aesthetique (though his aesthetique is painting flames on a corolla jaden u lil shit smh) and they both like to go fast so when they go out they bitch abt who gets to drive. bastion tells jaden he doesnt appreciate the feel of the machine and jaden says bastion drives like a fucking old man so they end up settling the matter with rousing game of rock paper scissors 

who does most of the cleaning NEITHER OH MY GOD theyre both total slobs. bastion’s desk and home office is covered in his notebooks and duel monster cards, his walls covered with god knows what (formulas, dates, to-do lists, grocery lists) the guy just grabs the sharpie and starts writing because he’s afraid of forgetting something if he doesnt get it down right then. jaden lives in filth he has three day old bowls of cereal at his desk and uses used napkins as tissues he is certifiably NASTY. anyway they hire a housekeeper to make sure the entire house doesnt fall into disarray and she’s like their surrogate mother making sure they eat more than takeout and coffee and making sure the house smells nice. they call her Mama Cheryl (good middle aged mom name) and she’s the embarrassing mom at jadens local tournaments the kind that prints out huge pictures of his face and wears shirts with Neos on them and cheers for her boy v loudly. again we’re away from the question but i have a lot of headcanons abt this i’ll probs put in my dissertation lol 

what has a season pass in their DVR hmmm this is an interesting one…i like to think jaden loves crime shows because they’re heroes and he likes watching the good guys ™ win in the end. his favorite show is psych (which u all should watch its hilarious) but since that ended a while ago he’s been in to criminal minds and SVU because he likes watching the really diabolical criminals get caught. bastion never knew his mans was into such dark stuff until he opened the season pass thingy and got quite the heart attack because he thought jaden was all butterflies and flowers and funny stuff but bastion had to learn the duality of man the hard way. bastion doesn’t watch television that much but his guilty pleasure is vikings on the history channel and stuff on the discovery channel because he loves learning what a nerd 

who controls the netflix queue jaden is the one that likes to watch netflix the most but i wouldnt say he’s in control per se. they’re usually down for watching what each other likes but in the end jaden will sometimes end up superseding bastion because dammit bas we are not watching a documentary about the dead sea scrolls you dont even believe in god and bastions like fine youre cute we can watch Castle (even though thats not on netflix but i wish it were) 

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working jaden. jaden all the way. bastion brings up a a wikihow article about how to fix the hvac system and he’s like I CAN FIX THIS and jadens like ily babe but you work with chemicals not with this kind of thing ur gonna break it like the time u tried to fix the sink and fuckin clogged the shit out of it we are calling Cheryl and Cheryl’s like jaden im a housekeeper call someone who actually does this for a living. anyway while theyre waiting for the professionals to get there bastion tries to demonstrate he knows what he’s doing he is smort by writing the steps and shit on the wall and jadens like youre so cute but no dont touch the heating system. he has to distract his lil nerd by asking him about what deck he should use for his next tournament or what the probability of drawing three polymerizations on the first turn is and bastion loves talking about math so jaden keeps asking questions until the system is fixed (he doesnt remember much of bastions mathematical explanations but bastion looks so cute with his eyes all bright and shiny talking about statistics) 

who leaves their stuff around BOTH they are slobs. jadens a bit worse if we’re being honest because while bastion leaves his papers and cards around schmaden schmuki leaves his underwear and food and cups in the living room and is prone to stripping off his clothes for one reason or another and just laying on the couch watching ESPN with his goddamn pants on the floor and saying they were constricting his knees or some shit when bastion asks why he feels the need to be half naked all the time. bastion had his own room in college so he doesnt quite understand why jadens comfortable just answering the door with a trail of clothing behind him because most people that dont know him assume he’s been getting bizzay but nah he just be Like That

who remembers to buy the milk jaden do because he drinks milk in his coffee. bastion drinks it black so if theres no milk its like eh whatever but jaden is a mess without his caffeine and he hates how bitter and gross it is when theres no milk in it so even if jaden’s not the one going to the grocery store he’ll write it on the wall so bastion will remember it because his mans dont check his texts that often but anything on that wall he fuckin remembers and jaden doesnt understand why he be Like That 

who remembers anniversaries both! they are dumb thick in love with each other and they like to plan little things to do for the anniversary of their first date, when they made it official, their wedding, etc. jaden is much more extravagant and will do something like jump on the bed until bastion wakes up and then drag him out for breakfast and get atticus to sing a really off-key renditions of classic love songs and bastion blushes so hard and its so cute it should be criminal lmao. bastion will get jaden a cute little gift like one of those pictures where the artist takes a photo and paints it so they can hang it on their wall. or bastion will fine tune his duel disk or get him a new card for his deck. they are in big gay love and i love them so much 

thanks for this ask on god i just wrote 1800 words of tutorship feels i have a problem lol