#i tried to keep it very vague bc it’s just. upsetting. and like a very personal desire i used to have w my mutually suicidal high school

[stewyonmolly]

i'm so sorry to ask but can you explain a scene from your last fic? what was kendall doing with the basin and water? why did stewy lock himself in the bathroom?

kendall was planning to drown him (the act of love)! “i love you enough” = “i love you enough to kill you” or “i finally understand that where i go, you’ll go with me” thus “i heard you, and if i’m going to drown myself i’ll bring you along.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for leaving a DND campaign abruptly?

Some backstory: I had joined a DND game about 5 years ago right after breaking up with my toxic ex at the time. Me and my ex were both trying to be cordial at this time and ended up both joining a DND game run by a mutual friend.

In our first session, I had noticed my ex made her character be a parody of me that she made look like an awful person. She then kept dm-ing me during our sessions to tell me how to play my character better and other general backseat gaming stuff.

Very quickly, maybe about a month in, I contacted the DM about leaving the campaign due to wanting to distance myself from my ex. She was very upset I wanted to leave and offered to kick my ex from the group instead. I declined saying it would only cause more drama. The DM agreed to let my character go off at the end of the activity we were gonna do that session so it would make sense story-wise.

But this departure did not happen. after that conversation she vague-posted onling about how people dont want to be her friend. She then purposefully kept extending this part of the plot, just so I wouldnt leave the game and could realize it could still be fun. I told her outright I could not do this anymore after 3 more additional sessions and telling me she'll get to my character's exit soon. I always felt like an ass to the other players in the game for leaving them abruptly but I could not do it anymore.

Fast forward roughly 4 years, the DM tells me she is going to make a new campaign and would like for me to join since my ex was no longer in it. I agreed as I had missed playing DND a lot.

For the past year or so I have been in this campaign and it can be fun at times but I still feel out of place. This new session is a direct continuation of the previous campaign's storyline and regularly references it. Now, as far as I know my ex's character has not been referenced at all but I am constantly reminded of this situation whenever they mention a character's name I don't remember (because honestly I don't remember her characters name nor do I want to). I know I said to not bring her up around me but I don't quite trust this friend to keep her word. Simply because I don't think she ever remembers anything I tell her out of a place of... just not caring.

The DM and I just don't quite mesh that well. I don't really like her DM-ing style of making it up as the session happens. I don't like that she will constantly decide what my character is doing, even if I ask to do something, she tells me to roll to see if i can, i can get a nat20 and she will still decide what my character will do next based on what she thinks is funnier to her but makes my next action harder to accomplish.

I have dm'd her to talk about the progression of my character arc (after she constantly implys in session my character is the comedic relief and doesnt have any character development) and she'll go ooo and aaa (literally all she would say) but never actually implement anything I recommend.

I kept saying to myself it will get better in time. I have voiced my wants for my character, and they are ignored. In session, my character actions are essentially decided for me no matter how I roll the dice. It feels weird to be around half of the party bc they spent 4 years in a campaign with my ex who played a parody of me. esp hard after the DM keeps making me be the comedic relief even though I keep trying to play more seriously. other players constantly joke about how my character is gonna be the one that gets them all killed etc because of actions I dont necessarily decide.

Now as mentioned before, DM is also known to vague-blog about how "her friends secretly hate her" at any moment as well. This has happened before after I tried to "real talk" with her a handful of times over unrelated topics too (even if she initiates this conversation)

Given everything above, I want to leave this DND game after giving it a try for a year (really giving it an opportunity to improve). We left off with my character running off alone to get supplies for the party. I was thinking I could make a statement saying I had some personal things come up and I need to leave the game abruptly and leave it to the DM to decide what to do with my character.

Now I feel like I may be the AH because: I am leaving the game abruptly for a second time technically. I would contact the DM on how to make it make sense for my character to depart, but I feel like she will do the same thing as before with the previous campaign and keep putting it off, especially after ignoring my character growth ideas for a year in this current campaign. I also feel like I may be the AH because in character my group does need those supplies, but there is nothing stopping the DM from controlling my character to deliver supplies within the first 5 minutes of the next session.

[girlscoutbrownies]

sbg headcanons!

(i had to put a title because it keeps just showing up as “aiden” in my notifs)

some of my favourite school bus graveyard headcanons! (in celebration of 101 followers) some are mine, some belong to other people that i’ve taken as well

these got really, really long so ill split it into two parts: aiden, tyler, and taylor for this post and ashlyn, ben, and logan will be in the next

——

aiden

(bit of a tw for disassociation around the end)

- uses he/any pronouns, he mostly doesn’t give a fuck. also doesn’t care if you stick to he/him because he likes it. he also tries out mirror pronouns every once in a while and flipflops between any

- unlabelled energy. also doesn’t care abt that type of stuff, but he’s asexual and it takes him a while to grow feelings. he’s afraid of letting people close to him but it really doesn’t matter to him, not that much. he’s pretty apathetic about it

- generally smells like shittily applied cedarwood cologne. it’s one of those cheap drugstore brands and sometimes he forgets to apply it in the morning, and he doesn’t spray it very well. also smells like grass sometimes

- his favourite subject is psychology/maths/anything logic based (he likes those puzzles). growing up with his bitchass karen mom who probably twisted all the words he said, he doesn’t like cryptic or vague language or poetry (english class) because it reminds him of her. in math, there’s only one answer. in english, there’s hundreds. also the words swim on the paper and he finds it hard to focus

- he has his ears pierced. he begged his parents to take him to an ear piercing studio they just ended up taking him to claire’s but he was still so happy about it

- he BEGGED for a dog or a pet when he was very little but eventually stopped at some point. he asked for stuffed animals and never got any because “it would be too hard to keep track of when we’re moving and you would lose them and get sad” and he’s still very upset about it. used to hug like three pillows when he slept

- he was told they were settling down in georgia and now his current room has millions of stuffed animals i will not hear any arguments about this

- he’s a kicker in his sleep (when he gets any). he kicks plushies off his bed like all the time, he’s not apologetic though he’s just like “oh shit”

- worst and best guy to have a sleepover with. super clingy

- he knows very few actual life skills other than operating a microwave for frozen meals because he largely grew up alone without his parental figures in his life. ashlyn and tyler eventually teach him how to cook

- his growth is stunted bc of that period in his life and he’s short like ashlyn

- he is a HORRIBLE gossip addict. they’ll be sitting at the lunch table eating in silence and he drops “did you hear that samantha’s parents are divorced and madison dropped her bc samantha’s mom doesn’t drive them to the mall anymore” like HUH WHERE DID YOU HEAR THIS?

- he gets school lunch and very rarely (if ever) brings lunch from home. sometimes ben makes him lunches

- plays with his food (this is canon) but he makes storylines out of whatever he does its like his personal roman empire

- big fan of extreme foods (spicy, sour, etc) ((he grew up eating plain ramen)) and loves weird food combinations. everyone always makes weird faces at him when theyre at the mall and he orders weird shit

- he doesn’t know proper meal etiquette until someone has to tell him, his parents didn’t teach him anything (I HATE THEM)

- he’s a really bad cook like ben because he always ends up getting distracted, and somehow manages to skip over steps in the recipes.

- he probably likes cooking shows though and is like “yeah i could do that” (he can’t do that)

- the first time someone (tyler) made aiden a homecooked meal he started cry laughing (it was mostly crying) (nobody talks about it)

- the few times his mom has made him meals whenever she’s home they’re really bad. they don’t taste anything like home, but he didn’t know what home tasted like so he just cried. his mom thought it was because of how good it was (it wasn’t) and he just cried harder

- he dislikes bitter flavours, especially like, orange juice that you make from scratch but you don’t put any sugar in it (it’s because his mom once tried to make homemade orange juice/lemonade to feel more like a “real mom” and it was horrible

- he’ll still eat bitter food though he just wouldn’t like it that much

- likes crunchy food or food that pops in your mouth (poprocks) bc he thinks its cool

- probably needs glasses from how long he’s spent staring at screens (his backstory)

- the one thing his parents consistently did as a kid was take him to his doctors appointments so he has stellar teeth

- he’s fit and fairly athletic (jumping off walls and all) but he doesn’t play sports because he just. isn’t interested in any of it. he tries everything but nothing really sticks that much

- he eats his greens but probably wouldn’t care much for the healthy vegan lifestyle, not that much of a picky eater (this part is canon)

- his favourite holiday is halloween because 1. candy (which he didn’t get much as a kid unless he specifically asked for it or ben brought it over) and 2. he loves dressing up it’s so fun to him

- understimulation is the BANE of his existence he genuinely wants to tear out his own hair every time he gets like that. gets really irritated

- he disassociates a lot, generally experiences a lot of derealization. he doesn’t feel like he’s in his own body sometimes

- insomniac

- chases thrills so that he can “feel” something. doesn’t care if it hurts him or not, because at least then he’ll remember he’s a real person and that his life matters

- really bad at telling when people are lying/are irritated with him. he just keeps pushing until they explode

- good with secrets (his own) but isn’t good at deflecting if asked about someone else’s. he’s just like “ummm. would u look over there. a bird!”

- runs really fast, he wakes up early in the morning to take a walk around the neighborhood. he sometimes encounters tyler if he happens to go into his city (which is often, because he doesn’t like being in his house)

- his house is always really cold, which is why he tends to run really warm (his body is compensating). he knows how to turn the ac off, but it always ends up turning back on in the middle of the night

- he grew up learning The Gifted Child instrument; the piano. he dislikes classical music (he says it’s boring but it’s because of this). he also almost got forced to learn the violin but he once practiced so hard his fingers started bleeding which is how he got out of it

- likes verbal validation bc his parents never told him they were proud of him

taylor

- she/they cis demigirl, gets a bit upset at being misgendered though (people think she’s the transfem twin because tyler passes really well)

- bisexual fem pref

- decorates her locker for almost every occasion. halloween, christmas, easter, birthdays. also decorates other people’s lockers for their birthdays before school starts with sticky notes

- has tons of stuff in her locker (except food because tyler won’t let her) just in case anyone needs anything but she’s not very organized so she doesn’t know where anything is

- because of this she’s one of those people that barely makes it to the door before the bell rings but she’s trying to fix that habit

- enjoys crime documentaries/true crime, horror stuff. used to make tyler watch with her but his anxiety gets really bad and he started getting paranoid

- adores christmas bc it’s a family holiday she makes tyler and her mom homemade gifts every year

- loves dogs with every bone in her body she asks santa for one every year but alas. tyler always has to write “a letter from santa” back saying they ran out of dogs at the north pole

- uses emoticons like “:D :] :3” all the time when she types, downloaded a bunch of sticker packs too. especially cat ones

- had her future all planned out as a kid and told her dad she’d be a mechanical engineer and build trains and rockets to bring him places when he started getting really sick and couldn’t move anymore

- her hair is actually kind of dry (compared to aiden’s or ashlyn’s) because they couldn’t afford great shampoo or anything

- has an ehh skincare routine and doesn’t care much for her fashion sense, just wears whatever’s comfortable

- knows a lot of random facts as conversation starters, she’s surprisingly good at small talk ( + comforting people)

- gossips with aiden aallll the time bc she’s super sociable and knows lots of people who tell her secrets. she doesn’t tell any of the important ones but just little drama things

- her and aiden are bffs

- really likes kids because they’re funny, she has a big imagination like them so it’s easy for her to play with them

- she’s a swiftie and whenever someone asks her if she likes taylor swift as a joke bc of her name she says “i like all music!” (she loves tswift)

- really likes sweets over most types of food, she’s healing her inner child guys

- has always ALWAYS wanted to go to a circus/carnival/festival when she was younger, but they couldn’t afford tickets. she still has that dream but she obviously has bigger priorities now…

tyler

- transmale he/him

- doesn’t care that much about dating, he actually doesn’t think about it that much until he meets The Gang. he always too busy taking care of his family to bother with relationships

- dislikes heavy meals, eats in small portions. it’s a habit

- used to be a picky eater but isn’t anymore, when he was younger they struggled to put food on the table so

- he’s like tigris from ballad of songbirds and snakes; when he prepared food for the family he’d eat bits and pieces of it while cooking. eats raw meat sometimes but once got sick from it so never again because he doesn’t want people taking care of him

- he HATES being sick. HATES HATES HATES it, hates having to burden people

- stress cooks because he likes having things to do with his hands. he also runs laps/paces around when he’s stressed

- runs his hands through his hair so it’s always messy

- he doesn’t bother combing his hair unless it’s for a special occasion like the first day of school, he just doesn’t care that much

- gets up early like aiden to keep up his physical fitness, doesn’t stray far though because his mom wakes up around the same time he does

- is VERY punctual. will be furious if someone makes plans and then is late. always arrives somewhere like, fifteen minutes early. he’s trying to break taylor’s habit of being late

- occasionally scolds taylor about how messy her locker is

- is extremely (and kind of scarily) meticulous. clean backpack, clean locker, clean room. it’s a habit

- book smart and figures things out pretty easily. he has an internal computer inside his head i swear. latches onto concepts very quickly

- likes math because he’s good at memorizing concepts but biology is his worst enemy, he gets queasy very easily

- motion sickness

- doesn’t actually have a set plan for the future, other than “help his family.” will probably do something related to sports (sports scholarship) or will do something math/analytical related

- spams people when they don’t respond to him but quits eventually (semicanon)

- has some sort of separation anxiety i swear he does

- keeps every single promise he makes because he hates broken promises (his dad told him he’d be fine and out of the hospital soon), he also doesn’t make a lot of promises

- dislikes nicknames like “champ” and “buddy”

- he’s ambidextrous

- he always seems to be like, tense? can’t relax at all. it might be because of his anxiety (HE HAS ANXIETY)

- only ever relaxes if he’s at home

- rarely watches television, he says it’s a waste of time (he always gets distracted and gets up and goes to do something else) he can leave it in the background though

- i think he has chronic pain, i don’t know where but i just think he does. everything just aches sometimes and he’s so young fuck life

- he’s okay with kids like his sister, not as good as her but he’ll take care of them (habit x37362828) he’d probably say everything really monotone though “there’s santa claus, wow.”

- he and taylor both have a pretty strong southern accent from living in middle of nowhere georgia (i think someone made an art post on this a while back :D)

- is really bad at video games because he gets frustrated easily

- he grinds his teeth when he sleeps and has jaw pain what a loser

[1eoness]

hi! could i request something fluffy? maybe leon spoiling reader with some meal, or cuddles? thanks! ❤️

mentioning meals I AM THE REMINDER TO GO GET A SNACK AND REJUVENATE

and yes ofc i love writing fluffy fluffy hehehehe (im kind of uncreative rn so sorry). btw i'm writing this in the same format as the other one but if you want it to be more structured and narrative just uh tell me LOL

content : fluffy leon kennedy x gender neutral!reader (it's written in second person though). pet names lol

synopsis : leon wants to spoil you so he's feeding you and providing you with an army's ware of cuddles >:)

-food is fuel and leon is a fucking engine

-tbh i hc that leon has a big appetite for sweet stuff,,,, i'm sure a big collective of ppl agree bc he's so squishy squishy [what the fuck am i saying idk]

-anyway enough about me gushing on leon.

-YOU. when will you ever take the time to let him spoil you? are you trying to avoid him?:((

-leon is part kidding. he's not mad ofc but sometimes he can't help but get a tiny bit worried about you sometimes.

-see, leon is a firm believer that a person cannot come to their best senses unless their basic/psychological needs are fulfilled. that includes things like eating, or affection—because when your body senses that you're lacking in something, it will use your brain power to signal you that you need to eat or be smothered with affection! hence you can end up feeling burnt out if u dont pay attention to ur love vitals!! >:(

-leon's mindset will always be applied on you because you're his second heart, you're his tough rock and you need to be taken care of!!

-HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING "affection? that's absurd people can still learn attentively and work efficiently without having to be coddled >:(" while yes in a sense its true—but sometimes you just don't realize that what you need is some time to be vulnerable and intimate, which can explain why your emotions feel a lot more heightened recently than usual (which he notices by the way). you've been tense for a while, and leon reasons that you can't just 'move on' from being overwhelmed with work stress and whatnot—you have to relieve it! but enough about theory.

-your hunger for food or affection is like a 7th sense to leon to be honest. while it's not an accurate intuition everytime, he's bound to think of you once every like two minutes.

-leon actually has very clear and high critical thinking skills. this means he is able to remember a lot of things about you even if he only notices them or you mention it once: this includes your comfort drink, where you like to be touched, hell maybe even the MBTI of your favorite character. and he ESPECIALLY knows what food you like. pad thai, sushi, oxtail, jerk chicken, cake, boba, YOU NAME IT HE KNOWS IF YOU LOVE IT OR NOT

-so when it actually came to asking you what you wanted, he'd send a text saying he's downtown and asking you 'what would you like, baby?'. he's careful with his words and doesn't say "do you want me to get you something on the way?" because it means he's giving you a choice >:( when the whole point is to spoil you because you deserve it.

-and if you answer with something vague like 'anything' HE DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPEAK FURTHER he'll just buy what he knows u like and keep the rest in the fridge if you dont wanna eat it :3 well that's what they're for, right?

"oh, my sweet.." his voice was quaint at the sight of you. leon tried his best to be silent when he entered the room, not wanting to sound like he was pitying you, but seeing you half-covered with comforters, mildly upset and your mind in a frazzle has his heart dropping a bit. you were probably thinking about so many things: meeting some deadlines, picking up this and that from the store, computing this... but you just couldn't organize your thoughts. but that's why leon was here.

your head moved to swivel his direction. "leon.." you smile at him weakly.

it was cold in the city tonight. leon places a hefty white plastic bag of your favorite on the nearby surface before he sits down in front of you from the edge of your bed. he takes the brief second of studying his lover's face before he pulls you into a comforting and warm hug. he can't help but pat the back of his sweet baby's head down, and you feel his lips barely nuzzle onto your ear as he mutters. "y're so good to me, baby. you know that?" leon reminds you before kissing the side of your head shortly. you tried to reciprocate it by giving him a nimble kiss on his cheek, which he gratefully accepts with an eager beam on his lips.

his hands slide down your arms in a soft stroke as he lets go of you gently. the rustling of the bed's layers being heard as leon moves a bit to reach for the hefty boxes of food, which he opens for you once he gives you take your utensil/s. leon's happy seeing you eat. it's a form of reassurance to him personally witnessing you getting the fill you deserve after a whole few days of being so busy and rushing everywhere. it's a calming sense to him as you both soak in comfortable silence while he watches you eat. he was caring less that it's 2 in the morning and caring more about the way the color on your face slowly vibrates back onto your features. you seem less tired, just by a tad percentage. it makes him smile to himself knowing he was able to take care of you. " 'm finished." you mumbled with a hum, feeling a little full and having to lie down. fullness makes you sleepy (and leon knows that!) so he has a subtle, cheeky little grin as he leans over and collects your legs with one arm, pulling you to make you lie on your back. he crawls over to lie down next to you, once again pulling you close to him while he wraps his arms around you— one patting and planted gently on your back while the other cradles your head close to his heart. just where you belong... "you tired, baby?" leon asked shortly and your little nod sufficed. his cheek gently rests against the side of the crown of your head. his touch is soft, it's sweet as he rubs and scratches down your back gently. he gently scruffles at your scalp with his other hand's fingertips, and the motions will send you to a hopefully revitalizing sleep ♡. he places a kiss on the top of your head, like a ribbon keeping its gift from falling apart :( he knows at this moment maybe you're thinking you don't deserve him. but that's so far from the truth.

[zeep-xanflorp]

rambling about the rick-unity-wong talk bc i'm upset about it

r: look, it's clear you weren't lying when you said you could've taken over earth because your finger just took over america. i need you to help me fix that.

u: oh, it took that to make you believe me?

r: why should i believe you? you show up unannounced and hijack a state.

u: i called you! multiple times! you ghosted me.

so there are two ways i think you can read rick not believing unity. one is that he believed it was trying anything to stay in proximity to rick even though he was asserting boundaries, or two, he did actually believe it but wanted to deal with the situation on his own or just wanted it gone. either way, he didn't want to be around it.

then there's the part about rick ghosting it. like okay yes. unity tried giving rick a heads up but the fact is that it knew rick wasn't answering its calls. it Knew rick wouldn't know it was there unless it made a big deal about it being there and that's what it did. it literally showed up without permission and assimilated a whole state on rick's home planet, in rick's country. just to get his attention.

w: rick, is that true?

r: she dumped me. why would i answer her calls?

and now we get a blatant explanation for why rick was ignoring unity. i imagine it would've been clear enough anyway without this explanation but rick is still upset from being broken up with. so he decided to ghost it with no explanation, cutting it off entirely.

w: alright, i'm going to commit a cardinal sin in couples therapy here, but rick, i think you're wrong. [..] you had an outer-space lady who was worried for your life and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem.

u: thank you.

w: now you're asking her to both forgive you and solve it?

now, the mistake wong makes here is assuming she knows the full story. obviously she's smart and i think she gave her best analysis based on what she knows of the situation, but in her ignorance she fails to listen to rick, her patient.

the whole theme of this episode is rick asserting his boundaries. he doesn't want to see unity because last time he did it ended catastrophically for him. he's not ignoring it out of pettiness but as a defence mechanism. a coping strategy. and when it decided to follow through with its plan of coming to america anyway, destroying the boundaries rick had in place, it made him lash out.

rick also has a tendency to self sabotage when things are going well for him, whether he realises it or not. he abuses morty when they get too close. he made unity party with him instead of doing its duties. his actions push people away, keeping them at arms length.

i believe his boundaries are in place to prevent these episodes of self sabotage. so when they get ignored and discarded, he goes back into that mindset.

and wong, who would be aware of this at least vaguely, blames unity's actions on rick ignoring it which is not fair in the slightest imo.

w: unity, i think the reason rick brought me here is that he doesn't know how to indicate to you he's changed. because he's changing very slowly. but he is.

now this is something i had trouble understanding bc i am a shameful rick apologist at the best of times and couldn't remember what he actually did wrong. his crime in this instance was when he was distracting unity from its work, influencing it to drink and party all the time and avoid its responsibilities. this became too much for it, especially when it saw how rick used the same methods to detach himself from his family.

so it broke up with him, leaving him to spiral into the worst mental state we as the audience have personally seen him in in present day - his suicide attempt. unity doesn't know about that, and i'm guessing wong doesn't either, because all rick needed to say to wong was that their breakup ended horribly for him so being around it is difficult for him and maybe she would've understood more. but no that's too much vulnerability for old man sanchez.

rick has changed since then. i imagine he better understands why unity left him. i also think he knows that it wants the best for him but struggles with accepting that. that's what led to this mess of a situation.

he feels hurt from being abandoned. it feels hurt that rick couldn't understand why it left. and all of this culminated in a messy situation where unity acted drastically to get rick's attention, and rick in his stubbornness and pain refused to accept it.

and so. i think wong spoke too quickly. i think she definitely knows rick's patterns and is right to call him out but made an unfair judgement on only him because even she expects the worst from him. he is changing, but she is encouraging unity not to give him a second chance because he's not there yet. when really that decision should be up to unity.

even though it does take agency at the end. after unity releases america from its hold, we get this absolutely heartbreaking scene between it and rick.

r: i trust you now.

u: that's nice. but i don't trust you.

unity turns rick's lack of trust in it back at him, and it's telling the truth. it feels betrayed by rick's actions in this episode because it only wanted to make sure rick was alright. to it, rick seems to be punishing unity for caring about him.

anyway in conclusion. rick is mentally ill, wong was a little too harsh on him in this episode bc it's a complex situation, and unity will act drastically if it can't get rick's attention. it's unfair to blame it all on rick in this case (even though things are normally his fault) bc while he did act immaturely in response, he wasn't the only one that escalated the conflict so drastically.

this is not a refined analysis. i might fix it later but no promises.

[monstersinthecosmos]

I don't want to publish that anon bc naming names feels sketchy to me but can you fucking imagine showing your entire ass like that and the only person on your side is like a known drama starter who really shouldnt be fucking talking lmfao and can you imagine being so loudly & proudly wrong about something and doubling down on it instead of listening to well-reasoned and friendly objections ! what a horse to bet on !!!

Like I do think that behavior like this is probably coming from a deep need for attention, and I think sometimes people pick fights and act unpleasant because they come to (even subliminally) desire the adrenaline/dopamine of causing an argument or being confronted. That's why I think engaging in drama (aside from generally being a waste of time lol) can be really unproductive. Like, sometimes when you take the bait you're actually enabling this person in something destructive, and maybe it's more morally appropriate to ignore it (thus taking their toys away) while also being sort of like, petty and funnier to know that they're floundering and desperate for a response. 😳 I mean is there any bigger fuck you than to ignore anon hate and know that this jackass is refreshing your page 80 times a day waiting for a response? LOL.

And like I'm human like anyone else, I do say these things and try to be principled and there are days I really just lose it and can't shut the fuck up LOL. I think personally I get very upset when someone ELSE is being harassed, or like, when bad behavior affects the entire fandom. So I apologize for any time I came in and acted immature or vagued anyone because I really do my best to be direct and speak to people directly! But sometimes they delete your comments so like fuckit man I tried lol.

In general I'm a big believer in like, writing what you want to read, and that extends to creating a fandom you actually want to be in. So I try not to engage in drama or share discourse (even when I agree with the talking points!) because I think of my blog like a little scrapbook of things that make me feel happy and creative and I want to protect that. I want that to be my contribution in a fandom, to share things that encourage creativity ! But now and then when someone is being a real fuckin twat you also have to stand up for each other and protect the space in that way, too.

What we're not gonna do is shame creators and chase them out!!!! If you don't like someone's work, keep that in your group chat! Don't be a fucking twat!

[canpandaspvp]

KEEP TALKING ABOUT THE SBI FIC THING IM REALLY INTERESTED!! I've always wanted to study that side of the fandom under a microscope but it's scary.

buddy that place is WILDDDD. ok so things you need to know abt sbi side

1. they're damn good writers

2. i don't think they know how to write fanfiction

3. in another universe they create some very well known, published authors

because essentially everything they write is so fucking detached the second it enters an au. with dnf and the general dt side of things, there are differences. sure often times it's a bit more identifiable as fanfiction but that's not a BAD thing. it literally just means people know how to write fanfiction which is what they were intending to do anyways so like hooray

with sbi, i've read SEVERAL (as in i can go into my bookmarks right now and count out at least 10) fics that have just changed and deviated so far from the original source material that it's hard to even understand what they're talking about. in that regard, 100% dnfers get caught out before sbiers, but that's only in the circumstance that they get published at all. sbiers are really creative -- TOO creative, obviously to the point of creation ocs with names and descriptions that often times only vaguely resemble phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno -- which gives them the upper hand publication wise.

that leads into dark sbi which, let it be known, i have NEVER EVER liked. i personally thought it was harsh and unenjoyable but also goddamn did they make some good stories. obviously i read them bc even though i hated the vampires and the kidnapping and shit, it was good. the upper hand of writing fanfiction is that shit is more fast paced and attention grabbing, due to the lack of exposition and shit. so sbiers likely get published first, get discovered on booktube (not booktok cause they only read romance that's packed with tropes to the point of dysfunction), and they at least semi-spread from there until someone is who can't handle any difficult topics in fiction gets upset. but that's a different kind of controversy entirely

sbiers are good authors but they're stuck in this weird limbo of "it's not fanfiction it's just inspired original content" which sort of creates a new genre entirely. they pull some good fanfiction elements into its own realm entirely and it's really frustrating when you want to read fanfiction of something but if you're looking for something fast paced and good to read that aligns with the weird fanon universe they've created, they're your subfandom.

a lot of fics also appeal to personal issues that people are able to project onto easily (i speak from experience) so, while dnf is typically shorter, more accurate, and lighthearted, sbi has dynamics that people often crave in their real life and more people that they can insert themselves into. um that sounds weird but ykwim

they also have The AU's which dnf has but it's just not to the extent that sbi has it. the trifecta:

1. superhero aus

2. royalty aus

3. foster care aus

ran that tag for a good 2 years minimum. those are the sort of Peter Parker Goes On A Field Trip To Stark Industries type of aus where you have a good baseline that people get attached to, so you can sort of rewrite the same story different enough that people feel like they're reading smth new each time. and it works!! if people were to publish an sbi fic (which would likely fall into one of those 3 categories), it'd be realllyyyyyy recognizable just bc it was such a staple in the community. ifl im missing some other big categories but those are just the aus that i remembered off the top of my head that showed up a fuckton

don't get me wrong, i ❤️ dnf fanfiction and you def could publish it if you tried hard enough, but those authors do shit right. the characterization is so niche and specific, the dynamics are so unique, and often times, there just isn't enough in one fic to build and create a story. so much of dnf fanfiction relies on the fact that you already know those two, you know who they are, how they behave, their stakes regarding each other, etc etc. with sbi, the authors end up essentially writing their own stories so much so that they have to tell the story like it's a novel rather than fanfiction. it's very interesting imo esp bc fanon tommy for example is so extremely, incomprehensibly different from c!tommy or cc!tommy, with only enough hits of similarity to keep you hooked into the story with the illusion that you're actually reading the same character, when more often then not, it's like 1/4 tommy, 1/4 fandom misinterpretation interpretation, 1/4 author projection, and 1/4 recycled oc. again, speaking from experience.

also, sbi authors are pretty cocky about their writing, and it's really noticeable when they write a fic with the intention of changing the names and couple minor details to submit to an editing company for a few rounds of revision before they publish their nyt bestseller a few years down the line. they didn't need to leave the fandom to abandon their shit. lorehead analysts have a decent grasp of their content (but i'm biased), but lorehead writers?? different monster entirely. the second dsmp stands for something like "delicious small mtown pforsuperherovillanvigilanteshenanigans" then you know they're too far gone. they're attached to THEIR characters, not the dsmp's; if it means sacrificing the original source material for real life recognition, they'd do it in a heartbeat. i don't blame them but the point still stands.

this is all over the place i'm so sorry idek if i said anything you wanted to know but

tl;dr sbi fanfiction sort of became its own medium between fanfiction and original work so they're more likely to get published, but they fall into the same dynamics in the same type of universes that would easily get them figured out. dnf writers just seem to mind their damn business more. anyway, most dnf writers that left the fandom seem to want to completely forget that they ever did That. usually they just orphan/delete and move on cause they're embarrassed.

sorry again i'm so not good at explaining my thoughts but i did NOT spend 2 1/2 years reading sbi fanfiction 24/7 for nothing. i need to put my experience to use somehow so thanks for letting me do that 😭😭😭

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

you are officially the strongest person alive for not just closing the askbox after some of the trash you've gotten from idiots on this site. gdspeed and good luck holy hell

I've received a lot of asks like this one so I wanna respond and clarify

I actually love getting asks and even anon asks. I prefer having anon on bc yk big boy blog and all that but also so that people can send me their silliest things.

I really do truly genuinely enjoy having this blog and especially interacting w it. I've made a lot of friends recently and it's just fun to be able to talk ab the cringe failgame from a decade ago. Both for myself and in front of such a large audience.

Ever since I became aware I'm literally in the top 10 on skyrim blogs (at #9 but still) some of my anons started making a lot more sense. The power of anonymity makes people braver, which is good for things like funny headcanons and such.

I don't really like having to turn anon off and god I hope I don't have to shut asks off entirely. Fortunately once I turned anon off my inbox became a lot more peaceful. Funny that.

If I were to compare the two I'm sure I've gotten much more love than hate, but hate is much louder than love. And I know me giving it attention doesn't help much of anything but on the other hand people can and do throw around serious words about an unserious video game on unserious posts from an unserious person.

Even if I ignored all of it, just having to see it can feel so draining. And it isn't just in my inbox. It's also in the tags. I've repeatedly tried to express how deeply uncomfortable I am, AS A JEWISH PERSON OF COLOR, with people throwing words like racist and genocide around all willy nilly over video game characters.

It trivializes those real world issues, that have affected me, my ancestors, and people like me, down to fucking. Skyrim discourse. It's extremely frustrating. And from what I can see I don't think anyone is doing it maliciously or to get a rise out of me. But I think the sheer weight of those words has gotten lost.

And not to pull another race card, but this is especially upsetting from white people. I'm not thrilled about the fact white people keep talking over me and other people of color in the fandom about what is and isn't racist.

But I do also see the love. I see the cats in my inbox and the lovely asks and people writing paragraphs to defend me (when tbh I haven't done anything wrong anyways but. Eh.) and it's genuinely very touching and sweet and even if I don't reply to it (there's a lot to reply to!) I do see it and I appreciate it.

And for the poll, I fully plan on seeing it through. Round 2 closes tomorrow after which I'll set up round 3/the semi finals and then we go to the championship!

I started this poll, also this blog, for fun. I want people to have fun. I want to have fun. And most of the time I do have fun! But with the uptick in activity that brings *gestures vaguely* what it does.

Tumblr is one of those very few websites with true anonymity. This and reddit are the only ones I can think of where it's not expected to have your name, face, or other info about you anywhere. Which is a rare blessing on today's internet but it makes people very audacious about what they can and can't say to me.

I think because of that anonymity it's easy to forget I'm a human person. I very much doubt some of things I've had said to me in the last 48 hours would still be said if it was face to face. I truly don't think someone would look me in the eye and tell me to kill myself over skyrim bullshit.

And the funny part of that is if they did, I'd probably laugh in real life. For the sheer ridiculousness of the statement. "Hey. You. End your life because of video game drama" spoken to me at the local Target would be funny to me. But with the anonymity it feels just as hurtful as I'm sure it's supposed to be.

Thanks for letting me ramble and such. I'm not really even sure what I'm trying to say with all this. Other than I'm human, you're human, we're all humans, and we'd do well to remember that. Please just be nice to each other..

And be nice to me.

[cowpokezuko]

Les!Ushiten hcs

bc its finals and my brain is broken.

Satori is a stress baker. Anytime she has a big project due or anything that makes her anxious is happening, she can be found in the kitchen making the most delicious baked goods.

Satori also despises cooking. She would rather spend two days working on a complex cake that involves spun sugar and handmade chocolates than cook a pasta sauce.

Wakatoshi, on the other hand, loves to cook. She doesn't have the patience for the hours of baking or proofing involved in baking, nor does she have Satori's sweet tooth, so cooking is much more in her wheelhouse.

She also has an extremely specific diet due to her sports career and her autism, so being the main cook in the household worked out that way too.

They are generally very good communicators, but when they do fight, Satori is far more passionate and emotional, whereas Wakatoshi thinks she's more rational and tries to get Satori to relax and calm down, but that just makes her more upset.

They are a butch/femme couple and WILL play into it for the bit.

Satori (anarcho-communist that she is) thinks it's really funny to satirize housewife/sahm instagram content then reveal at the end that she's a lesbian. Wakatoshi does not get the joke but is always willing to support her gf.

Wakatoshi has an instagram, but it has 1 (one) blurry picture of Satori and a picture of a cat she saw in Paris one time. You can vaguely see the eiffel tower in the background, but that two is blurry and hard to decipher. She has like 10k followers.

She may have a horrible social media presence, but she has a very detailed and carefully maintained journal that features notes, sketches of her surroundings, to-do lists, recipes, and most of all, doodles of Satori and her teammates.

Wakatoshi is a beer girl. Satori is decidedly NOT.

She is a cocktail girlie and sometimes fine wines, but only if they're not too dry.

Satori is a lightweight. She will take a few shots and be absolute blasted. She also gets really flushed when she drinks.

Wakatoshi spends most of their nights out trying to reign in Satori and holding her hair by the end of the evening.

Satori is terrible at crafting because it requires long periods of focus that she does not have.

Satori loves horror movies, but is also a bit of a scaredy cat and has to keep Wakatoshi around so she can cling to her strong arms when she gets scared.

Wakatoshi's favorite film genre sci-fi/fantasy but is very picky about it. Yes she's into LOTR and Star Wars.

I feel like I should post about ushiten on this blog more, so here's an attempt at that.

[queenburd]

I know technically that you’ve put a pause on repeat this story au BUT…I just got hit with a particular delicious thought…soooo the latest Stanley that Narrator is helping along when Stanley and Co come to get Narrator (pending nickname is Stanford for now) is a particular brand of stubbornness that can rival the other Stanleys - he’s petty, full of spite, and quite fecking done with this shite. It doesn’t help that his own narrator (Narraford) is equally spiteful of his wayward protagonist. (1/???)

(2/??) Building on ur post from before that mentioned the escape pod only fitting 2 ppl at a time, Stan somehow convinces Narraford to comply taking Stanford and freeing them. How? Weeeelll the thing is they both loved pushing each other’s buttons (lol). Stanfords whole deal is that he wasn’t happy with the freedom ending bc he wants to find out WHY the facility is built, who trapped him there, were his co-workers/memories real? And Narraford is fecking upset that his protagonist keeps going off the irrelevant path to try and find more answers, why can’t he just be happy escaping and finding freedom??? He doesn’t NEED to find out the mystery of the office, that’s not the point of the story Stanford!! (3/??) then what was the point? Stan asks, gently. Why write this ending for the protagonist if he doesn’t want it? And that stumps Narraford for a moment. For all his blustering about how perfect his Parable was, what was the point if the audience he wrote it for wasn’t too happy with it? Granted this should be taken with a grain of salt BUT this moment of reflection is just enough for Stan to continue - Stanford just wanted to solve the mystery. He wanted to know what the Parable is. That didn’t sound like someone who isn’t following the story out of spite, doesn’t it? (4/??) in fact he sounds pretty invested in the story! Stan concludes. (Meanwhile Stanford is trying his very best to not strangle - or at least slap a hand over the other’s mouth - bc that was true but he didn’t have to say it/sign it godammit!!!) and Narraford would hate to admit it but they both shared a hunger to know. That was one thing binding them together, for all of their animosity (fun fact: their fav ending is Countdown. Don’t judge me). Like, he still thinks his protagonist is a brat and Stanford hates Narrafords guts but the curiosity of a new ending has Narraford hooked, so in the end he reluctantly agrees to come with Stanford on the first escape pod flight (5/5) i have some other brain worms about them but long story short I went ‘wouldn’t it be funny if they disliked each other but didn’t want anyone else bc they’re at least familiar with each other’ and turned it into a prompt thing (that being said it is by no means of trying to write ur story!! I thought it would be fun to submit a Stanley lol)

(grouped these into one ask, made slightly more readable and added a lil bit of formatting)

no no this is great! and it's a really good read on a narrator and stanley relationship, in that they still NEED each other and dont want anybody else, which is such a fixed thing in the Parable. like all the other narrators we've struggled with so far either tried to really push the idea they DONT need stanley or they just abuse their connection to the point where that need is.... like, not the healthy choice.

it's REALLY HARD to convince a narrator to consider his protagonist's own needs and thoughts but honestly if anyone could do it, it would be Stan. I love him SO much.

and honestly I have no issue with you making the "last" stanley and narrator in the iteration hell, I had some ideas but they were pretty vague at best, mostly a matter of "the Narrator is going to VERY MUCH BE A POWERHOUSE at the point just to make this iteration realize he uh. should probably give them half a second to talk".

I also think theres a hilarity in finally giving this one the name Stanford, since he's endlessly curious and picking fights with beings much more powerful with him because he needs to know all the things. Alright Stanford Pines. we're making all these stanleys watch Gravity Falls later to point and laugh

thank u for giving me a boy. the boy is appreciated.

[hotxcheeto]

Hi Nevy! Can I ask for fluff hc’s for lis Steph and her fem s/o? Like always giving her flowers or smaller gifts, attempting to write poems for her, forehead/cheek kisses, cuddling etc. bc s/o is just completely… whipped for her? Tho sorry if this request is too vague, I’m not really used to writing them :(

━ 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏𝐇 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐒/𝐎

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Steph Gingrich x G/N!Reader 

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, very brief mentions of getting overwhelmed ( reader and steph ),

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! You sent it perfectly, thank you for the rq!!

Steph was never super overly affectionate

She's flirty and she teases and is very touchy but never like you are

Sweet, you're so sweet which reminds her of a few people in her life

But you, oh she loves you

Because you'll come home with little things that reminded her of you throughout the day and she's gotta remind you you'll go broke if you keep buying her things

But you can't help it, seeing Steph smile and decorate her little store with the trinkets and gifts makes you all happy

She'll even tell people about them if they ask, she loves to show you off and what you do for her

Loves when you talk to her at work, sitting up on the front counter while she organizes things

Steph also loves how cuddly you are, she wasn't a huge cuddler before you and was honestly a bit closed off

But you just sat right on her lap and gave her a charm you'd stopped to get that made you think about her and she was whipped for you

Before you guys dated she noticed you could be touchy aswell, hugging all of your friends and people in town

Wanting to hold her hand over grabbing onto her belt loops when you were close, or maybe overwhelmed

And once you and Steph started dating it amplified by a thousand

But she loves it

Loves that you'll hold her hand always especially in public when guys get a bit too happy to look at you or even a few girls that cop a glance

You're talking her ear off about how you have a surprise for her

Which she accidentally spoils by finding a little box of attempts at poems and she mentally smacks herself for and stops reading

The next day you gave her a poem actually, it was much different from the drafts but it made her cry even though she knew it was coming

Definitely always keeps it close for when she's upset and you're not there

She'll read it to remind her that she's got you and you love her very much

Or when you preorder records for her so that she doesn't have to hold them in the shop

Steph will make you dance to them with her

Also tries to pay you back but you refuse, always

She's got cute aggression you can't tell me otherwise and you just make her want to pop your head off

In a loving way

You've helped her a ton though, especially dealing with things in her past like Arcadia Bay and the huge storm that was a disaster for her

But you also love some of her old friends that you helped her learn to keep contact with even if it can be painful

And when she thinks it's too much you'll give her a bunch of kisses and hold her close

Steph honestly thinks you're too good for her but you don't care because you love her and you also know she loves you too

It's cute when she blushes, really

And only you can do it

[stardustizuku]

So I read the second part of your ml analysis which is very good btw, but I have two questions: 1. you say something about how Adrien would never give up being Chat bc of freedom and stuff, but he does so in syren (kind of) and in kuro neko. I mean, it would make sense that he wouldn‘t bc of the reasons you stated, I‘m there with you, but… that‘s not canon? There are instances where he gives up his hero life bc he‘s insecure of what LB thinks of him (which tbf seems ooc but still). And second, Luka didn’t know about Mari‘s secret identity at the time when they were together, and I wouldn‘t necessarily blame him for being upset at her for not being very present during their relationship. Idk maybe I misunderstood (in which case I‘m sorry) but he only learned about that later. (Or do you mean that if he was the main love interest, he would‘ve forgiven her for acting the way she did?)

I don‘t disagree with you at all, I was just confused about those two parts

I'll be honest, the original draft has been in the work for well over a few years now. So, it was initially written before season 4. Much of my information on the episodes moving forward is either clips or second-hand information.

(Being honest though, I don't feel like I miss much doing this. A lot, and I mean ALOT of MLB is padded fluff and not even good kind. I did keep up with recaps until season 4. Season 5 to me is a complete mystery. And I don't wanna find out. What little I have seen or been told, makes me question...so much).

That said.

You do have a point.

Adrien gives up "Chat Noir" on two occasions. 1) Despereada 2) Kuro-Neko.

(I'm not counting Syren because that was a threat, not really him giving it up, or following through.)

But here's the thing. We're both in the correct here. Because while Adrien "gives up" the Alter Ego of Chat Noir - in Desperada he does not give up being a Superhero.

He is just trying on a new mask. He still wants what he's always wanted "a home" and his "home" is Ladybug. He tries to please her, by being Aspik. His "wish" hasn't changed, he's figuring out if a new mask will be able to grant it.

And in the case of Kuro-Neko, I would liken it to a corrupted soul gem. Realising that the "wish" he made when he became Chat Noir is fruitless.

I said "[Ladybug] offers him [a place to belong], while Chat Noir lends him the means to show that “true self” he can’t allow to others. He would never give up his miraculous because it would mean losing all that."

But what happens if the first statement is false? What if Ladybug no longer represents a place where he belongs? What if he no longer feels like Chat Noir is his true self? If either of those fail, then what's the point of having an Alter Ego? That's when he gives it up.

The moment his wish is proven NOT to be granted by the Magical Power Up, he gives up his Alter Ego.

OOC, yes. But it has some (?) sort of internal logic.

However, the point of that specific part was simply to say that Chat Noir is a (slightly) better-constructed protagonist. Through seasons 1-3, he remains with this internal logic. Something that Marinette does not have, even at the very beginning.

Again, I do believe Kuro Neko could have worked - but giving it the 1 episode treatment ruined any shot at redemption it could have.

As for the Luka situation

I really was trying not to go into a tangent, within a tangent about how badly they handled Luka. So I sorta jumbled a lot of stuff together and mistyped a lot. It's actually quite understandable that I didn't make myself clear, I wasn't trying to.

I was vaguely gesturing at the problem. But, if you insist:

My main point is: I don't think he should feel entitled to information about his (relatively new) girlfriend.

That entire thing was, politely said, a dick move.

With my comparison to Tokyo Mew Mew, I was trying to prove that Luka did the one thing that no Magical Girl Male Lead should EVER do. It's antithetical to everything the genre stands for.

Marinette wasn't in the wrong for keeping ANY sort of secret from him that didn't relate to their relationship. Point blank. But, he feels so justified in this, that when he becomes an Akuma, he outrights forces everyone to give up Marinette's secret.

One that I would argue IS a huge deal in regards to their relationship. She still likes Adrien. But he says he already knows that.

And, apparently, does not care for it.

Okay then, why did he care for her other secret? What could have possibly been worse in his head to get into such a huge fight over?

And in the end, it doesn't even matter cause he does find out she's Ladybug afterwards!

He broke this girl's heart just bcs he couldn't handle she wasn't being 100% honest in a, what? 2-month-old relationship?

The entire thing is messy and weird, and meanspirited. I'm not a fan.

And that should be obvious. I compared Aoyama and Ichigo in a positive light to them.

I do not ship them. I don't even think they should have been endgame. I know that's an essay/rant for another day - but to somehow be worse than the most VANILLA of Magica Girl ships, the one ship anyone will tell you isn't the one they wanted. The one that everyone in the REMAKE is begging to be changed...

You fucked up.

[myshredda]

There's three of them! and i said i wasn't going to get invested in this but now i am so here are some headcanons:

pink kills the bugs when it's just the three of them. she's brave like that

yellow and pink have ratty hair; it's always a mess. green doesn't know why it's so hard to brush ur hair everyday and is generally confused why they don't

pink wants hair like Ariel form the little mermaid tho, all poofy and floaty. sometimes she tries but she doesn't take good enough care of it bc there's just so much. despite what green says, it takes longer than five minutes to style her hair lol

several brushes have been stuck/broken while trying to detangle her hair so the adults have kind've given up on it

occasionally red or duck will try to preen her but they give up after ten minutes like "yeah, that's as good as that's ever going to get"

idk if you've seen wwdits but pink is like baby colin robinson, just hammering holes in the wall as soon as no one's watching

red and duck went on a really quick tesco run once and thought they would be fast enough to leave the kids at home and... they were wrong. she had knocked a good chunk of the living room wall out and cheerily explained that she was building her own room bc she was tired of living w "smelly boys"

red tried to stay as calm as he could given the circumstances and explain why she can't just knock walls out (but internally he was screaming). Duck just went ballistic

yellow and green got in trouble too bc they knew what she was doing and didn't try to stop her at all. their reasoning was they didn't want to share a room with her either, she snored too loud

ofc it was all ok in the end, but that was not a good day for anybody

in my mind, pink is like marie from the aristocats, "Ladies don't start fights but they can finish them!" or Mouthface from the trail to oregon musical, "I get a turn with the gun first! I have bloodlust *does cute little pose*".

she favors red just bc he was so nice to her at the beginning but she does have duck's violent streak

shes the only one that has teeth besides red so her bites hurt

she has a hard time differentiating between the types of love, romantic, platonic, and familial, and misreads social cues a lot bc of it. she's getting better but at the beginning it was really bad

she would mistake basic kindness/familial love for romantic love and then get really upset when it turned out just bc duck made her favorite food or yellow shared his toys doesn't mean they want to marry her

it took a long time for her to find value in herself outside of her relationships w others

her and yellow are the chaos crew. they're the kids that will put a big ugly toad on the kitchen table and beg to keep it as a pet. green swears up and down that he told them it was a bad idea but really he was just as excited as them

also ducks delighted to have another person to feed. he gets to cook more, make more types of food, and get the satisfaction of watching them fill out to a healthier shape

it is very hilarious to me that you started out that first ask with 'idk if i'll get very deep into this' and my response was 'oh you might not, but I certainly fucking will' and then my life spiraled out of control forever <3 Thank you for giving me the opportunity to go on a 1.2k rant about a literal one off character and give her trauma and then attempt to heal said trauma I made up for her <3 <3 <3 Love all the bits about her hair being messy because she's 100% forget to brush it now because she has STUFF TO DO and NATURE TO EXPLORE and FORTS TO BUILD and brushing her hair is boring and she doesn't want to do that 💗I think Duck would take preening her as a personal challenge and on nights where she's really sleepy and lazy and just wants to watch TV she'll let him work at it for a while and he's having the time of his life while working at her rats nest because grooming the people he loves is his biggest love language.

Yes to her knocking holes in the wall (I'm vaguely aware of baby Colin from wwdits ((I think him and Nadja's soul that's trapped in a doll are friends which is cute!))) Yes to her attempting to build a new room and knocking out half a fucking wall, yes to Red trying to gentle parent while Duck's just making a high-pitched noise of absolute horror in the background (which Pink fully ignores) Green and Yellow are like doing the innocent BUT WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING routine but Duck is NOT having it (they've lived with them enough to know better by now!) and it's kind of sucky but it's really a good opportunity for Red and Duck to enforce rules and boundaries in a healthy way that the kid's aren't used to bc 'punishment' for them in their past was violent and traumatic.

Love the idea of Pink and Red bonding bc they have teeth. Duck's like I HAVE TEETH SOMETIMES (which he did! when he was having his organs removed!) and bonds with Pink over biting people because they both like to do that 💗

Yeah at first she has a REALLY hard time with love bc in the cult there was only ONE type of love and everything fell under that umbrella (not that it was real love obviously) and Red and Duck have to explain to her over and over that No she doesn't have to marry them for them to love her and it upsets her a little because she feels like she's doing something bad bc experiencing love outside of marriage is a big no-no in Shrignold's eyes (as he told Yellow when he introduced Pink as special one in the first place!) so it's a really long process of them being gentle with her and her being uncomfortable with it but eventually they get there.

Her and Yellow have ZERO control of their impulses for different reasons but they band together and make messes wherever they go and Green watches in amusement because he thinks its good scientific research to watch them go fucking ham

Speaking of ham Duck is like fully gone Barefoot Contessa and just COOKS and cooks and cooks and makes way too much food and pushes leftovers and helps Pink realize that she doesn't have to be skinny to be feminine and she can eat whatever she feels like and doesn't have to eat less than the boys just because she's a girl and she doesn't have to help cook because she's a girl but because it's a good life-skill that everyone should know how to do and she doesn't have to help cook for the others if she doesn't want to

[winemom-culture]

My endocrinology appointment wasn’t good and I’m sad

My heart rate and blood pressure were both high. These things, weight loss, and my eye symptoms were the initial symptoms of my Grave’s back 2 years ago. So my doctor was like… I think you might be hyperthyroid again based on your heart.

But I don’t really know if my heart is a great metric. Bc like, my heart rate is always high. Especially at the doctor when I get anxious. I told her this, but in order to consider it not related to the thyroid she wants to see my bloodwork (expected) and a cardiologist work up. Which, that part feels a little excessive to me when I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong I just have a little bird heart. Arrhythmia runs very heavily on my dads side but it gives them problems with palpitations, I don’t really have those often, just like a fast baseline constantly. When I first got diagnosed with Grave’s my HR could’ve been 130-40 easy RESTING, so I sorta feel like 120 while anxious (what it was today) is relatively better? When I’m at home it definitely feels like normal until I exert. She’s like “You have to stay on beta blocker until you get your heart under 80 bpm” and I’m like lol. No offense but my heart is like never consistently under 80 even on the beta blockers 🥲 beta blockers became a big crutch to me last year and I feel like getting off them made me feel weird even though they are non-addictive I am semi-convinced that’s why I became so hyperfixated on my heart in my big anxiety spiral in 2021. I really don’t want back on them….

The thing I’m definitely NOT experiencing now is weight loss. I did the math and I’m like 80 pounds heavier then when I started going to her in 2020. And she has said that is from the thyroid medicine. Not that the medicine is bad, it’s doing it’s job of blocking thyroid hormone, but in turn that slows my metabolism a lot. I’ve tried to express my concerns about the constant weight gain, the fact that I feel like a ravenous monster, that I just can’t get a grip on it at multiple past appointments and I feel like she kinda brushes that off, always just “so anyways about that heart…..”

So now I get blood work next week for a moment of truth to see what the deal is. If I’m hyperthyroid I have to get back on my meds and probably consider surgery to take it out (that I don’t have time, money or a support system for- because my parents would be against this. That’s a whole other insane can of worms.) OR I am still in a balanced thyroid state but have to go figure out what’s wrong with my heart.

My health OCD is immediately revving up about being alone at my place, like “you don’t want to be alone all the time with high heart rate and blood pressure do you? What if you stroke out and die? Right there where you’re sitting?” Which is funny, ‘cause yesterday I didn’t know any better and was perfectly fine being alone, while presumably in the exact same boat healthwise. Ignorance was bliss

I’m feel like I’m gaining like 5 pounds every time I step on a scale and it’s so frustrating and upsetting, I literally have to get it figured out and under control this year. I’m totally just overwhelmed and don’t know how to start or how to truly stick to it. I cried my whole way home and I’m getting myself worked up again venting this out. Hope I can keep that pain fresh in my mind as motivation. Real meltdown hours. I don’t want all these problems at 26. It’s making me think about stuff down the road, what if I decide in 2 or 3 years I do want to have another kid after all? I genuinely don’t think as it is right now I would be medically advised to try. It only gets more high-risk as I get older. The thyroid and fertility/complications go hand in hand. It’s like, y’know, that’s awhile down the road there’s still time, but I’m 2 years out from initial diagnosis and as of right now I feel much more vaguely unhealthy in a general sense than I did then.

I just wish there were a more receptive endo around here but as far as I can tell from looking in the past, this office is really the best we got rn.

[summonhouse]

tell me about sweetheart. i see you tagging them a lot

SWEETHEART gets tagged so frequently because she is SOOO funny and also bc so many of the posts on my blog fit her theming so well its hilarious. its freaky. i think youd like her what with the robots and such tee hee. oh god this got long i summarize the entirety of the rp campaign she was for and its way way way longer than what ive got down even

art by lazer god i hope that loads!

i posted her recently in the context of her being an au of lawrie where she was made for a friends roleplay campaign and world (westal bay), so shes tweaked from the lawrie formula just slightly but keeps the core concepts- shes a robot, but unlike lawrie who was commissioned to be a son, she was created by a lonely little freak who wanted a robot girlfriend (unfortunately for him, she is male. she/her mlm winning 24/7. so now hes gay.), however the technology to make a sapient person from scrap metal got the attention of the jeff bezos of westal bay and sweetheart was taken from him and instead placed in the hands of a couple of terrible lawyers with her memory wiped. shes told now that shes human and their son despite her rampant memory loss, and even with all the holes in her brain all she can remember is vague impressions of nathan her creator- of course not knowing shes a robot, she assumes these are not memories but premonitions and that hes her soulmate and she goes A Little bit crazy as her parents neglect her and she is allowed to sink fully into delusions and fantasies about her beloved boyfriend

art by apotheoseity, dm of westal bay and writer of nathan. so swart (i call her swart mostly sorry) starts off the campaign as goofy, ditzy, real stupid. shes rich, she knows capitalism is a scam but cant do much to change it though she wants to, shes overly kind and naive and just helpless, she desperately desperately DESPERATELY wishes to assist people because she is so delusional she believes shes some sort of divine beast sent upon the earth to save everyone, because she does not identify with humans. she along w the other player characters are hired to investigate various strange and upsetting happenings around their city (westal bay) WHERE she nearly immediately gets dragged into a cult. because of course shes prone to religions indoctrination, shes very very lonely and she thinks everything in her brain is so much realer than the depressing and cruel reality around her and they tell her SHE!! can be their savior. she is manipulated into drinking the blood of a desecrated and juiced god, which is a procedure that SHOULD kill her horribly, overabundance of magic tends to do that. but. because shes a robot, she can handle it well and gains magic powers :) this further influences her terrible delusions and everything quickly goes downhill- the rest of the team are disgusted by the cult and swarts support of it, swart doesnt have it in her to refuse the cult now because shes already drank the koolaid as it were, she NEEDS to help people as they learn that the city is so much more corrupt than they thought- major labs working with the cults and experiments to try and create new gods are abundant. DURING one of these excursions into a lab shes told straight up that she is a robot, not a person, and in fact just a prototype as the jeff bezos is forcing (unknown to her) her boyfriend to make more of her as companions like theyre fucking furbies, so she just goes full fucking tilt. sooo much anguish around her and everything she tries to investigate or helps with just gets worse, her teammates dont really like her, at most they feel bad for her, and eventually their investigation leads her back to nathan finally where thats like. thats where its cemented that she is Fully fucked up bc she and nathan will do aaaanything for each other, they love each other desperately. even kill :) final conflict of the campaign as all the terrors have been uncovered is that nathan steps up to the plate on fixing it, AT SWARTS SUGGESTIONS, by killing everyone in their way so that he can uplift swart as god and remake society !! makes a big murder robot, murders mr jeff bezos, tries to murder the prime minister but the team finally bands together to stop him as his robot begins malfunctioning and trying to suck his soul up- everyone has to drag swart around and make emotional calls to her to stop trying to help nathan as he fully fucks people up it was so. so good.

im really really obsessed with her, i could go on and on and on about her characterization and every little interaction she was in but ofc theres little context bc, private rp haha. but god... she asked nathan once why he made her and he just said, i dont know, i wanted to see if i could. imagine that! her lifes so much of being dragged around, set up on a pedestal and ascribed traits- this is a cool robot i could make! this is a cool boyfriend who has to love me because im all he knows! this is my son who will look and act exactly like us! this is our new savior! this is the prototype for our new project! shes subject to so much scrutiny and she cant even do anything, its everyone around her deciding what she should be and what she should do, she'll listen to any suggestion because she feels so hopeless- its why she keeps doing evil shit, she literally just wants to help people and being told maiming others does so shes like yeah that might be true, i cant do literally anything else! shes so peppy and sweet and optimistic, she knows everyone deserves better but by the end shes so tired and broken up she just wants to kill people so that the obstacles in the road from her big happy ending get out of the way- she thinks life is like a fairy tale and there ought to be one big bad guy to be killed in a glorious just manner. in the end though, everythings ok. nathan gets therapy or something and her parents are arrested so she owns their big stupid mansion, and she invites all of her new friends to live with her, so shes probably learning how to act like a human right about now XD. heres some more of my favorite art of her!

aaaand heres her toyhouse with a more full and properly written description of her story- i dont think its been edited since the last session though hmm https://toyhou.se/14625750.sweetheart?key=2jaB07sEHwA2coD

[fiendishwinx]

*cough* six*cough* teen *cough*

(m-maybe...if I turn around...they won't see me...)

hey, do you wanna read my gameplan rn lol? my rewrite thesis statement, if you will? it's long:

[s1e1-3] are getting full rewrites (a second one lol), where I'm completely fixing the paragraphs, dialogue, and overall details (idk if this was true for other rewriters, but s1e3's first half is a struggle for me to get through? like the wizgiz/intro sections, before the fun party stuff)

[s1e4-7] is actually not bad, I just need to fix the dialogue and change some scenes, like showing why brandon's upset in 4 (engagement-related), and why riven calls musa "moose" in 7 (drunk riven attempting to read her name from across the room) & vamping up that whole rivusa scene in general asgfkfl.

[s1e8-15] gets fixed too bc LO AND BEHOLD, the holdup lies in these chapters!

-expanding the driven sections in 8, taking out the "hearing thoughts" thing they have because it raises the stakes too early (they still tele-communicate, though),

-the WHOLE SCENE in 9 where rivusa's talking and reduce it to a couple lines (make him less feely, too) which is sad but it's GOTTA go bc later, when he starts acting out it's not as jarring? and he'll explicitly look at musa and approach her first, then step over her.

-no glass, more punches, brandon & riven fuck each other's faces up! and most importantly, keep darcy's reaction to riven at the end vague, no speaking, just a long, very intimidating look before she locks herself in.

-10! 10!!! NO PROMISE, cut the promises, deadass! driven's just talking, and looking very hot while doing so

-calm brandon down, and make him sheepish about getting his ass kicked

-nobody saw the trix in the simulation room, just bloom fighting and glitching out by herself

-driven has a good time in 11, where they're eating, laughing, and stealing shit for fun, then BOOM, musa shakes things up, riven still talks to her at the play, but the whole reason for him coming later is to apologize

-their discussion in 12 needs to be VAGUE, I kept over-explaining shit, he was just there to apologize and leave, but musa reacting positively makes him stay longer, rekindling their friendship

-13, once again, over-explaining (brandon's worried about "sky's" engagement, not mad about it, and bloom notices he's worried and comforts him)

-darcy's annoyed, not pissed. riven gets forced to sleep on the floor though lol. the compromise happens, it's just not explicitly stated, and the rivusa friendship arc begins (with musa hiding her feelings for the moment)

-14 only gets some dialogue changes, so that brandon feels like he's been found out, and distances himself from bloom. darcy and musa might also get a scene, to show that the compromise is in effect (she avoids fighting her, begrudgingly)

-and then in 15, instead of riven's kicker being "holy shit that's a guy I know", it's "holy shit that's a specialist", bc he'll be the one hitting Ivan over the head, not icy. meaning he attacked the specialist, which is Bad™. he's panicking. darcy mind-wipes Ivan and tries to get riven to relax, but riven's already checked out, and that key scene of him standing with the bag, with darcy staring at him thinking he'll stay, and then him turning around and jogging towards the parking deck.

-that's the turning point for darcy, too. she's shocked, heartbroken, and realizes what the compromise has done. her abandonment issues, man, don't mess with those!

-also, riven's awake

all the changes boil down to: "chill out, [character]", show vs tell switches, and keeping things simple & vague for the plot's convenience. 16 makes 10000% more sense because of this, but I still have to finish it, obviously.