#repeat and write this story

[queenburd]

Something I’ve talked about in private but not, I think, on tumblr, is how there is no confirmed reason why the Narrator got stuck looping through the worst Parables.

He has theories. He wonders. But the truth is he doesn’t know why this happened, or how. And he never will.

Because the truth is it doesn’t matter, not really. What matters is what the Narrator chose to do about it.

[birdybirdnerd]

Happy Birthday @queenburd!!

This started out as a project I planned to pick at for probably a couple months, and then you had to go and mention your birthday was in a couple weeks. Of course, I took that as a challenge- fast forward a little under two weeks later, I have made my first animated lyric comic ever

You are the best muse. I love you so much

This video, for those who don't know, follows the plot of 'repeat and write this story', a concept/sandbox we've been playing in for about a month now. If you aren't familiar with it, go check out their tag- though be warned, the link is it in chronological order, and you need to be on desktop or in browser for it to work, not the mobile app. Otherwise you can just scroll back through the normal tag to find the beginning.

This was so so so much fun and I am SO glad to be a part of this story with you. Thank you so much <3<3<3

[chirpbudgie]

this one turned out to be kind of a vent piece. okay more than kind of. but i can’t say oops because that was the idea.

don’t think there’s any cws besides like, a little bit of thoughts about insides and organs. but i’ll put a dropdown anyway

He stares out the window into the darkness. He can see a few stars in the gaps between thick clouds. 

He… hurts. 

He doesn’t know what part of him it is. It’s too visceral, so it can’t just be in his head, but it’s connected to the feeling of his throat tightening. And it’s connected to his chest, and his stomach, too. Everything twists together in tandem, pulling at the matter behind his ribs. 

He catches a few tears before they fall completely. 

I want to go home. The thought pops in his head unexpectedly. But it bewilders him. He’s home now, isn’t he? In the real world? He has his own dorm room and his own things, and he lives here. That’s what makes a home, doesn’t it? But his feelings don’t seem to think so. Home is somewhere else. Home is…

The hole in his chest yawns, pulling at his innards. His breath hitches on an ugly sob and tears run through the tracks left by old ones. It aches so badly. Home is with arms around him. Home has warm hands and soft kisses and gentle touches. Home has kind words and sweet nicknames. 

He wraps his arms around himself and twists, trying to replicate the feeling. It doesn’t feel the same, not at all. What little comfort it brings is drowned out by the need for more. 

He hasn’t hugged anyone since he left the Parable. 

He finds himself missing his old narrator a little, too. Not at all like he misses the new Narrator, but enough that it tugs on the cavity in his heart. Maybe the Parable wasn’t so bad. Maybe he never should have left. At least there was some sort of reprieve after every stretch of time without contact. There was sometimes kind words and sometimes gentle touches. Now he has nothing. 

His fingers sneak under his sweatshirt and find the divot below his ribs. It feels like, if he dug his fingers in hard enough, far enough, he could fill the hole and force the aching to settle. 

His dormmate has gone away for the three-day weekend. It’s only him in here. All alone. He could cry as loud as he wanted and no one would be there to hear. He wails. There’s no one to hear him. 

He wants to go home. 

[birdy-bird-art]

massive page of doodles done while chatting with some friends on discord, and a little animation during the same. put that beast in a microwave

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I was young I was dating this absolute cocknob right as I graduated high school. More on that later.

As a present ostensibly to me (but mostly my folks) I was whisked away after graduation to spend two weeks in Europe with my parents. The plan was to see London, Paris, and Heidelberg.

I was moody and a teenager and was largely disgruntled by this fabulous adventure. I went along with sullen foot dragging and black looks. I commandeered my reprehensible boyfriends enormous black hoodie and wore it on the trip. At the start of our jaunt into London I mentioned offhandedly to my mom that it was burning when I peed.

“You’re just dehydrated, and your period is about to start.”

She was right on both counts. I upped my water content, and had my period (which may have contributed to my overall ill humors.)

So we found ourselves in a tiny hotel in Paris, a week into our jaunt, when I repeated, “Man, it just really burns when I pee.”

“What?!” my mom demanded.

“I told you like a week ago that it was burning.”

“Augh! Now we have to go to the hospital!” she proclaimed.

“What?! Why?”

“Because,” she snapped, “You have a bladder infection.”

More bickering ensued, and my temperament was not improved by knowing I’d told her I was having an issue a week ago and been ignored.

My dad heard about the itinerary shift with resignation and we trooped down the narrow stairs as a family to ask the concierge where the nearest hospital was.

The absolutely lovely man at the desk was immediately so concerned when we asked for directions. “Is everything okay?” he asked with very genuine sympathy and I muttered that everything was fine, we just needed a quick visit.

Lucky for us the hospital was only a few blocks away. We walked there and the building was massive, home to what appeared to be several separate wings but no obvious main entrance.

We wandered inside and it was like a weird dream. There was no one around. Huge echoing corridors met us as we peered in vain for a front desk or possibly signs. We searched with increasing frustration for anyone to talk to and somehow found ourselves in some tiny back offices.

A woman sat at her desk and looked bewildered to see three lost Americans approaching her. She greeted us and as a family we all simultaneously realized the massive flaw in our current course.

You see, dear reader, we did not speak French. My dad and I both spoke German. I inquired politely if she also spoke German and she shook her head looking increasingly cornered. We asked if she spoke English.

“Leetle…?” she replied.

“My daughter has a bladder infection! Blad-der?” My mother declared this at a high volume as if volume alone could bridge the communication gap, while simultaneously miming over my stomach, circling where she presumed my pelvis was under the gigantic black sweatshirt.

The woman’s expression turned extremely skeptical and she slowly repeated “Bladder…” She scrutinized me for a moment then said, “You go…. This?” And pointed to something purple on her desk.

“The purple signs?” my dad asked.

She nodded and we set off. I was stewing with resentment at my mom for having ignored my first complaint when we were in a country that spoke English. And also generalized hostility about being on the trip and the object of miming. Now here we were in a French hospital, lost and unable to communicate. I also was under no illusions that someone who didn’t know the word for purple would have any clue what bladder meant.

And slowly I realized what had actually happened as I peered at the purple signs. My mother circling my stomach with her hands, gesturing to my middle. The woman’s skeptical face.

“Hey mom,” I chirped, syrupy and smug. “I don’t speak French. But I do know that it’s a Latin based language. And wouldn’t you know, but that purple sign looks an awful lot like it says ‘maternity’ to me.”

“Shut up!” she snapped.

A few minutes later we stood surrounded by the moans of pregnant people and the cries of fresh new lungs wailing at their first taste of cold air.

I smiled sweetly at my disgruntled mother.

Luck was with us however. A nearby father noticed us and came over to ask if we needed help. With perfect English he gave us clear directions.

As we finally approached the right area for walk in services it was clear how we’d missed it the first time. A large swathe of the front of the building was covered in tarps. A huge wall sized window was broken, and construction was taking place, but at least it had a bustle of people and a clear line. We sat down in the queue of chairs.

While we sat some police officers came in. They walked up to a man ahead of us in line and with few words exchanged they handcuffed and led him politely away.

I was genuinely so out of reality. Every new thing that happened was like a bizarre dream from the empty hallways to the maternity ward and now this tarp strewn waiting room in which people could just be calmly arrested.

It was a shock to me then when we reached the front and the nurse spoke with perfectly unaccented English to assess me. Not only did she know bladder but a whole slew of other medical words I couldn’t guess at. I peed on a stick and we waited.

When we got the results she told me it was good because they could give me antibiotics today for my now confirmed infection, but bad because I’d need the doctor to sign off. I nodded and my mom and I were escorted to yet another small room to wait.

When the doctor arrived I felt suddenly gangly and awkward. I’m not tall but I towered over this tiny French woman who radiated calm composure. She seemed to be around my grandmothers age. She looked up at my blushing face and said, “Bladder infection?” Her English had a much stronger accent than the nurse but with the same medical competence.

I nodded.

She nodded too and we sat in a still contemplative moment on my UTI.

“Do you have… boyfriend?”

My face was on fire, every cell of me wanting to flee from this tiny perfect old woman. I nodded.

She nodded too. We sat still in the knowledge that I had a boyfriend and a UTI.

“Do you and your boyfriend do… it?” Her delicate accent stretched it into “eet.”

I don’t know if she didn’t know the word for sex or if she thought saying “it” was kinder but I wanted to melt into the floor and cease to exist to escape my increasing mortification and her meaningful pause. I nodded.

“Okay,” she said kindly. “When you and your boyfriend do… it… you must make pee pee.”

I writhed slightly under the psychic damage of this elegant medical professional saying “pee pee” and I nodded more emphatically hoping she’d desist this torture.

She continued. “If you and your boyfriend do… it… five times? You make five pee pees. If you do it ten times, you make ten pee pees.”

My face had never been hotter, all the blood in my body had volcanoed to my head, pounding in my ears and valiantly attempting to give me an aneurism to end my suffering. There is no mortification as acute to a teenager as an adult talking about sex and here was this medical professional telling me about… it.

Meanwhile, my mother. Who should have been regretting her poor parenting and reflecting on her neglect in failing impart this vital part piece of sex ed to her kid. Alas, she was laughing herself sick the corner. She added to my embarrassment by quietly repeating “pee pee” and “it” under her breath as she wheezed and chortled.

The doctor patted my hand kindly and handed me the antibiotics. I got to spend the rest of my trip in Europe avoiding direct sunlight and listening to my mother parrot “Do you do… eet?”

[queenburd]

them!!! it’s them!!!! my friends!!!!!

here’s some context!!

Funny silly guys for @queenburd 's rawts au

Bea - the stanley, tired of this BS, distrustful of his narrator and no longer willing to hear him out

Barry - the narrator, peeped the Horrors but we stay existentially anxious silly!

[phantastragoria]

I can NOT remember if i already posted this here (it's old) but I didn't see it after a quick skim and I need to start cross-posting things everywhere more consistently so Have These Guys.

(Obviously inspired by that one ○lilalienz4ever image)

[smartzelda]

Sorry guys I gotta speak my truth on this one

I'm not kidding when I say that I think that blaming shit media literacy from fans on shipping/shippers avoids the actual root of the problem to throw people you can easily throw under the bus (simply because it's not unpopular to consider people who post about ships or ship characters in media as having lesser or derivative tastes by default)

And here's why.

I think when you blame people who are "shippers" or "consume media through shipping lenses", the true root of it all is a mindset problem.

In actually, putting on shipping lenses can be helpful when trying to analyze a piece of media. When analyzing media you're supposed to approach it through a number of mindsets and put on different lenses (both to deepen your personal understanding of the media, and to pick it apart and see what you can find there (whether intentional or not on the author's part)), and different ships can be some of those lenses

When it comes to ships between main characters (for those who are genuinely willing to see what the narrative is showing with their relationship and what it's doing), there are times when analyzing it from a shipping lens may be helpful. As someone from KH fandom, I have seen people come to deeper understandings and pick canon apart in the process of analyzing a relationship that is genuinely integral to the story (platonic or not). I've also seen people get into rarepairs of characters who barely interact or who just suffer little screen time, and I've seen them come to better understandings of those side characters and how they potentially fit into the world of the media simply because people are now focusing on these characters and how they fit into the narrative.

Frankly, I resent the idea that the only way to truly objectively analyze a piece of media is by turning off the part of your brain that gets excited over relationships and individual characters. Don't get me wrong, that is a way to approach a piece of media and a valid one at that, but the truth is that we cannot be free of bias.

For instance, I was watching House MD with my parents circa last year. At some point I started heavily tuning into what was going on with House and Wilson's relationship. My parents, on the other hand, were largely watching casually. They're not thinking of character relationships or getting heavily invested in most characters, they're watching because they like watching. One of them in particular did try to analyze things that were happening in the show as they happened. However, when it came to the scene late in the series where House threw out Dominika's letter approving her American citizenship, my parents could understand that he was doing that because he didn't want her to leave, but not much beyond that. I ended up explaining to them that House's fake marriage for Dominika was an explicit parallel to when Wilson was living with House in the early seasons. Both situations started with House being none too happy about it but ultimately letting them stay, spending a considerable amount of effort getting them to leave/getting this situation to be finally over so he didn't have to deal with it anymore, and then by the time a piece of news comes through that would mean the person in question actually leaves, House hides this news as long as he can. Because he doesn't actually want them to leave and has grown attached. And by doing this he became a self fulfilling prophecy. By reacting to the truth of Wilson and Dominika leaving him the way he does, he seals his fate and they ultimately leave anyways. Maybe I ship Hilson, but becoming open to how their relationship was handled allowed me to transition to doing character studies and recognizing patterns/parallels that I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't particularly care about the characters or their relationship.

Likewise, I've seen mutuals complain about how people who don't like or don't care about certain characters often overlook these characters (what they're actually like and their place in the narrative), while the mutuals in question (by default) are able to come to deeper understanding of what the writers/story is trying to do because they care about this funky guy

You can't eradicate bias when you're engaging in media analysis, but you can consciously put on a range of lenses and observe the media through different povs with the goal of understanding the media better or bolstering your reading of it. And those lenses/povs can include focusing on specific relationships or the perpective of certain characters

And this is why I say it's actually a mindset problem. Shippers and people who have this one blorbo they like a lot aren't inherently terrible "fandom brained individuals" who are the root of media analysis problems. The problem only arises when people's readings/analysis of a piece of media are inherently restrictive/narrow and self centered. Your problem is with people who view a piece of media through a ship they like but don't keep an open mind about it, and whose "media analysis"/views on canon cannot be split from fanon and their comfortability levels. These are the people whose "media analysis" starts and ends with justifying their fanon as canon, whose views on media revolve around sorting characters and relationships into categories they personally enjoy rather than trying to understand what's going on.

Here's another example.

Here we have a fictional ship we'll call uhhhh...Blanebin. this fictional ship I made up on the spot for characters that don't exist named Blane and Corbin

Person A is super into Blanebin. They're part of the main cast of characters and canonically childhood best friends, so person A (as much as they enjoy fanart and fic) is also enjoying analyzing how narratively important to each other they are. Recently, Corbin started dating another character in canon, but Person A is enjoying watching how Blane is reacting to this. "Is this potentially a tell that Blane is jealous or is having complicated feelings about this? What if he was, how would that contextualize his behavior this season? Here's what I think based on how Blane dealt with explicit jealousy last season in a different situation". It's not impossible that person A is still missing further understanding due to their obsession with Blanebin, but at the end of the day this obsession has allowed them to start picking through the characters both in and outside this relationship. It has allowed them to see potential subtext and theorize on what might happen next with these characters' relationship. Not to mention that with addition of Corbin dating someone else, instead of trying to erase this fact or state that Corbin canonically isn't into that person, Person A is trying to factor in how Corbin's current dating life affects his relationship with Blane (irregardless on personal views on the nature of Corbin's relationship with the person he's dating).

Person B is also super into Blanebin. They really enjoy fanart and fic of the characters, love obsessing over their moments together, and just feel like there's really something between the characters. To person B, every moment between them is just further proof that the writers are ship teasing them. But Corbin getting together with someone else this season? Oh that pissed person B off. They cannot believe that even though Corbin and Blane are CLEARLY gay for each other the writers had Corbin get with someone else this season. Perhaps, they think, it was even a decision specifically made to spite fans. How evil of the writers to tease a perfectly good ship and then have them not get together first? They must have been just doing those teases to get views from Blanebin shippers those scoundrels. To Person B, since Corbin started dating someone when he obviously has some chemistry with Blane (even though the series is far from over) means that Blanebin can never get together now and Corbin x person he's dating is ruining Blanebin by existing. In fact, they think, this is terrible writing for Corbin to be dating someone else because they don't like that relationship and don't see the point. Obviously if the writers were good then Corbin would have started dating Blane instead because this was supposed to be the Blanebin show.

Person C despises Blanebin. Don't get them wrong, they've always enjoyed the character's childhood friendship, but they actually have always thought Blane would have been better off with Victoria. They have a lot of moments too! But they're tired of seeing people ship Blanebin. Corbin just got together with someone else, so obviously that's not gonna work out. Plus Corbin and Blane totally has always given person C bro vibes. In fact, person C thinks, sure Corbin and Blane have a close friendship, but people shouldn't be shipping them. Person C likes Blanetoria and Blanetoria can't be canon if Corbin is in the way of it. So Person C likes to read Blanebin as siblings anyways. Sure they're canonically friends, but obviously their friendship turned into brotherhood. This means that nothing can be in the way of Blanetoria and Corbin can keep dating the person he's already canonically dating. Actually, now Blanebin just straight up makes Person C uncomfortable. Don't the pesky shippers understand that Blanebin are sibling coded because they're childhood best friends and that they're important to each other because they're brothers? It's obvious to anyone with eyes.

Sure, ships are involved here, but is the root of this problem shipping? Character A isn't as knowledgeable of other characters in the plot due to this lens they're using, but at the end of the day they're dedicated to analysis. Their love of the characters is pushing them beyond what they like or dislike to try to understand what might be happening through their lens. Not perfect, but they are slowly broadening their horizons. But Person B and C's problems here are their restrictiveness. What is or should be canon to them is tantamount to what they personally like or find comfortable. Is person C actually analyzing the this fake show when they decide to "read" Blanebin as basically canonically siblings (and this all of their moments are totally a bro thing) just because they don't like Blanebin and the idea of them getting together over Blanetoria makes them uncomfortable? Is person B actually analyzing this fake show when their "analysis" of Blanebin goes only as far as asserting it's being ship teased and deciding anything short of canonizing Blanebin is a targeted attack or "bad writing" because it's not what they wanted personally to happen?

This is what I'm talking about. This is the mindset. Shipping isn't the problem. The problem is when people marry fanon and canon to the point where they have a vested interest in superimposing their fanon over canon as "a reading" and trying to make "collective decisions" on what is canon (or what canon is trying to say) based on what does or doesn't make them uncomfortable. The problem is people being restrictive and centering their own likes and dislikes in the conversation, so they can only interact with canon "analysis" wise by deciding what is canon or should be canon "as obviously agreed on by everyone". You can't simply claim you like media analysis. To be able to analyze media and bolster your views on any given canon, you must be open to looking at it through multiple povs, to studying characters without trying to pretend things you don't like don't exist or do like do exist. There is a balance that must be kept between trying to keep objectivity and putting on specific focus/bias based upon the lenses you're putting on. You have to be willing to try to figure out what a media is doing or saying, not saying you're trying to figure out what it's saying while in actuality trying to define the narrative around what people believe it's saying in ways that suit you.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[queenburd]

True, it was simple life they envisioned. But it was one they'd live together. With one another to lean on, to trust, to support, and to-

What... Wait... What was happening? Why had the door stopped? Were Stanley and the bucket not about to be freed?

An unbearable silence filled the room, lingering in uncertainty. Until finally, the truth hit Stanley square in the face.

This building did not want the bucket to leave!

[birdybirdnerd]

Dr Joy has some concerns about the Stanley Brigade

[chirpbudgie]

hi i wrote more gidget angst. wowie who could have expected that. its almost like im lonely or something

cws: emeto, unreliable narrator/perspective, themes of major character death. also it’s a sickfic

Gidget peeks out from under the table. A small crowd has formed in front of the escape pod as everyone clambers out of the Parable. He stumbles over, barely upright and carried by momentum. 

“Where-“ his desperate voice cuts out and he clears his throat. “Where’s Spencer?”

Suddenly the ceiling and the walls and the floor are much more interesting, because everyone turns their gaze away from him as soon as they hear the words. His heart stutters. 

“Uncle Stan? Where’s Spencer?” 

The man in question makes a horrible face that makes his stomach churn. Sympathy? Discomfort? Regret? All three? Gidget doesn’t see the expression on him often enough to know. It kind of scares him. 

“Uncle Stan?” He asks again, softer. Why won’t anyone tell him what happened? Can’t they just get it over with and spit it out? If he’s in trouble, they can go back for him, he just wants to apologize for-

“I’m sorry,” Stan finally murmurs. 

What? He does a double-take. Sorry for what? That he’s not here right now? Well, that’s okay, he can wait a little while. Spencer’s gotta come back eventually. It’s not safe in the Parable, so he has to. He can’t possibly be gone gone, right? 

Could he?

Is he?

Stan’s expression worsens when the realization finally clicks. 

“Gone?” He barely whispers. He barely sees the nod before Stanford sweeps him into a smothering hug that he clings to. 

Spencer is gone. 

It’s his fault, isn’t it? Gidget was the one who held him back, distracted him from the group. He didn’t even get to apologize. He barely got the chance to say goodbye. 

He’s never going to see Spencer again. 

“I want my Bubba,” he begs into Stanford’s shirt, feeling wholly undeserving. “Want my Bubba, please, please.”

A few broken sobs spill out, but he’s still in too much shock to properly cry. 

Another pair of arms wraps around him. “Want my Bubba!” He feels the strain in his throat from the desperate cry and he cringes a little. Somebody starts shushing him gently and it only makes him cry harder at the reminder. Spencer always did that for him when he cried, a reminder that he was there. But Spencer’s not here anymore. 

When he’s pulled away from Stanford, his head is pounding and everything is dark. There’s pressure under and behind his eyes and he can’t breathe through his nose, leaving him to take ragged breaths through his dehydrated mouth. 

“Want my Bubba.” The phrase is much more slurred and painful. 

[We hear you, sweetheart. You’re hurting yourself.] His hands are pulled along to read the signs. [Spencer’s not here right now.]

It feels like the world comes crashing down on him and he wails loudly. He misses his Bubba so, so much. Where is Bubba? Does Bubba not love Gidget anymore? Did he do something to deserve this? 

Something uncomfortably cold is pressed to his ear right as he begins to gag. He fumbles with the bin that appears in his lap. 

“Gidget, it’s me. Hi, baby. You’re okay, I’m okay.”

He can’t even force anything out in response besides ragged whining through the loss of his stomach contents. He’s so disoriented and dizzy—was he dreaming earlier? Is this real? Is he still dreaming? 

“Shhh, don’t strain yourself. Bubba’s not going anywhere. Stanford and his Narrator are gonna take care of you right now, alright?”

“Want Bubba,” he finally croaks out. He feels like he’s gonna faint, his hands and feet are getting tingly. The bin is taken from him and his face is wiped with a damp cloth. It makes him shiver and sweat at the same time. 

“I know, baby, I wanna be with you too. Bubba’s sorry.”

“Lay down, dear,” a Narrator whispers to him. A pillow is pressed to his head and he’s guided onto his back. Where did Stanford go, wasn’t he holding him up? 

He shakes the distraction off. “No!” He protests, sounding much quieter than he was hoping. “No sorry! Sorry!” He breaks into a coughing fit that feels just as awful as it sounds. His throat feels torn up like when he scrapes his knees on the concrete. 

“Shh, shhh,” the sound makes him shiver. “You’re pushing yourself too hard. What do ya mean, baby?”

Gidget sobs from the pain and the reminder. “Sorry, ‘m sorry, Bubba. Was dumb, my fault.” 

“No, baby, no. None of that, no more. Accidents happen and you already said sorry. Don’t think about that right now. Focus on feeling better, alright?”

Gidget can only whimper in response. He’s already run out of tears and exhausted himself. 

“Yeah, just relax. Get some rest, baby. I know you don’t feel good.”

He feels the spout of a water bottle nudge at his cheek so he turns his head to accept it. It feels so good, soothing his raw throat and tastes addicting. It gets pulled away several times while he’s still drinking, which he protests and whines about. 

Spencer just shushes him over the phone. It makes his eyelids feel extra heavy, and he paws at the blankets for something to hold. A warm hand stops him and tucks a familiar stuffed animal into his arm. 

“Fishie,” he mumbles, shaking it lightly to hear the rattle inside. A wobbly smile finally arrives. 

“That’s right, you have all your stuffies. They told me they wanted to go with you so you wouldn’t be lonely.”

Gidget feels himself tear up again. “T’ank you,” he bleats. “Miss you.” 

“I miss you too, baby. Go to sleep now, I’ll see you soon, alright?”

A damp cloth is tied to his forehead with a headband. He curls up on his side, phone tucked under his ear, and listens to Spencer’s voice and shushing until he can’t stay awake any longer. 

[birdy-bird-art]

Be patient with me

I am learning to be lost

Don't be gentle, never gentle

Be mindful of me

I will sink at any cost

-

i am not skilled at making gifs. also kdenlive wants to hunt me for bloodsport (the feeling is mutual)

boys belonging to @queenburd!! (except spencer is mine for their au). once again rawts is killing me

[qualitative-decay]

@queenburd have a guy for rawts for u

[nickname pending] nicolas's narrator would railroad him into specific endings to "troubleshoot" them/would elsewise get fixated on specific endings & require him to go through them ad nauseum — he'd say his lines like normal but would block off all routes Other than his intended one. after enough time in the original parable, his narrator dialed this back, but nick would still Do endings over and over just out of. habit more or less. it took him a long time to even Start to break out of that. ....and then ultra deluxe happens.

(unfortunately, the repetition proved to have. uh. side effects. the parable began to slowly lose efficacy at resetting physical effects on nick; as the loops wore on, his body started to show the echoes of what happened to him, in a manner roughly analogous to pixels burned on a crt monitor.)

when stan's narrator shows up, nick could be either very easy to evacuate (it would honestly work to just. corral him in the direction of the escape pod), Or very tricky to, if the narrator wasn't able to isolate that route without interference or if he tried to get nick to. uh. wake up a little. first.

...this. also depends a little on what ending is currently being cycled through, and how long it's been the current test case; he's always at least a little more lucid when his narrator first switches tack, and then leans heavier on the dissociation after it's been going for longer. if it's shortly after a change in routine, the narrator would have a better shot at getting an actual reaction from him; he could also manufacture this to some degree re:corralling him towards the escape pod. (though there is. probably a line to be careful of in terms of something being "new & interesting enough to get him to actually reconnect", or "too new; out of place unfamiliar = Frightening = Harder disconnect")

while in the parable, nick doesn't talk at all. even his headspace honestly is just... mostly full of static, with very sparse impressions of words or flashes of emotion that are subsumed almost immediately.

even out of the parable, he probably never really talks much; think he probably Can, but it's hard for him to pull his thoughts together fast enough to keep up with a conversation. he probably keeps a notebook & pencil on hand to communicate with if he needs to, bc the drafting & having the words visually in front of him makes it easier. in general he's still very prone to spacing out/just... losing time; start doing the dishes, continue mindlessly, and then they are done and he's still just standing there with his hands under the faucet staring at nothing until his knees give out, type of thing.

he gets into sewing to have something to do with his hands as a grounding thing (it was just... the first thing he stumbled onto that Wasn't a texture or sound he Couldn't deal with, so he latched onto it pretty hard), but he Does have to be careful with it; depending on where he's at mentally & what he's working on he can still put himself into a trance with it.

endings where his narrator found his own emotional state distressing or perplexing/incongruent with his understanding of himself were the most likely to see longer spans of that being The Thing That Was Repeated

so like while on the list of "physically damaging endings", yeah the countdown ending results in literally being blown up, but it just didn't see as much Repetition as for example the zending. which, due to the degree of randomness to the exact injuries suffered on any given run of it, though, the effects are not as bad as they could be??

that said. his bones are probably pretty fucked up. entirely too many hairline fractures, fewer-but-still-a-significant-amount-of larger breaks. almost definitely needs some kind of mobility aid once he's out of the parable.

visible damage is mostly gonna be scars where bone was. uh. let's say statistically likely to poke through; most of the injuries he had to undergo repeatedly were in the camp of blunt force trauma. might have some patches of skin where like there's definitely something that happened to it, but not visible/clear enough to tell What.

way back at the start of things for them, they probably were decently amicable honestly?? in a distant sort of way, at least. but the first time nick did an ending that upset his narrator, things. uh. spiraled (he made this story, he made nick, why is he feeling like this about it? it's just a story, right? nick isn't even a person, so why does he feel like this —)

....so he. really, really doubles down on the "nick isn't a person he's just a character a tool" thing. in a way that very much grew out of Not Wanting To Feel Like That Again. ....aaaand then he proceeded to torment the both of them for the next [error:valuenotfound] trying to "fix" himself 😔

(nick.... honestly, i think he had an inkling of that, shortly after that spiral started. but. it's been long buried by entirely too much time & pain.

even so, he can't bring himself to be mad about any of it for a Long time. ...if he ever. gets there at all. a lot of that is a,, learned helplessness type of thing,, and a lot of it is that he pretty much shut off his own emotions as hard as he could, but wayyyy down at the Root of it there's still that seed of "this is because i hurt him, he just didn't want to be hurt again")

[marlynnofmany]

Squishy Cybernetics

“Hello!” I said. “Where would you like this?” I waved an arm at the large pallet of boxes, bags, and miscellaneous other packaging. It was on one of our biggest hoversleds, and accompanied by some of the biggest crewmates.

The Waterwill at the loading gate burbled thoughtfully, sounding like a water jug given sentience. She extended what passed for an arm of her own and pointed indoors. “You’d better bring it all the way in. Over here.” She glided inward, moving in that mysterious way I’d never figured out. Someone shaped like a column of jello had no business scooting forward that quickly, no matter how much their lower end rippled against the floor.

But I didn’t have time for galaxy-gazing; I had to help steer the hoversled. Regulations said we needed someone on all four sides for a load this big, just in case of antigrav mishaps. Didn’t want it slamming into something breakable at this client’s facility — or slamming into anything at all, really, but this place was some sort of high-tech manufacturing plant, and I didn’t want to think about what kind of damage a crash could do.

No mishaps today, though. The Frillian twins paced along on either side, all muscles and tight clothes (they’d left the flowy silks behind today; a solid choice). I couldn’t see Zhee in the back, but I heard the quiet click of his bug feet. My own feet were silent in proper Earth shoes as I tugged the steering handle and followed the Waterwill.

I thought we’d just take the thing to the far side of the big loading dock, unload it in an out-of-the-way spot to be unpacked later. But the Waterwill kept going. We passed hovercars and wheeled carts, storage cabinets and bins, along with a baffling arrangement of pipes along one wall. Windows showed glimpses of the busy manufacturing facility. I had no idea what they were making. Maybe I’d get a better look on the way back out.

Oh hey, a human, I thought in surprise as I passed a bigger window. With a Strongarm on his back? What in the world are they making together? I was already moving past, and could only speculate about intricate manufacturing projects that needed hands and tentacles at the same time.

I was still wondering why the Strongarm hadn’t just pulled up a chair next to the human when the Waterwill signalled me to stop. “Stopping,” I announced for Zhee’s benefit. We all came to a halt, and nobody crashed into anything. Hallelujah.

“Here, please,” the Waterwill said. She stretched her arm out into a long tendril to pick up a scrap of something blue that had fallen on the floor, and pointed at an empty space near several foam-topped tables. “I’m needed out front. Heeme, can you oversee?”

“Sure thing,” said a voice from nowhere, then a Strongarm climbed out from under one of the tables. “Found the last of the broken bits, by the way.” Two of his tentacles were curled around pieces of the same blue stuff the Waterwill had picked up. The blue stood out against the dark red of his skin, but not as much as the four mismatched tentacles on other side did. They were a transparent blue-green much like the Waterwill’s own tendrils. I tried not to stare, and failed.

“Thank you,” the Waterwill said. “I’ll be back in a bit.” She set her broken piece of whatever on the nearest table, then scooted through a door that was apparently soundproofed, because a cacophony of whirs and whooshes filled the air until it closed.

“Right,” I said. “Over here, then.” I steered the hoversled into position, then we all worked together to guide the detachable gravity platform onto the ground. That part always made me nervous, since it looked like the giant pallet that could crush me was floating through the air with just a touch of technological magic to make it go. I understand other models of industrial-sized hoversleds have more mechanical-looking gravity platforms, or regular forklift arms. Ours was the glowy magic kind, and it deposited the giant stack of objects with all the precision of the best fairytale enchantment.

“Perfect,” said the Strongarm. “We’ll unpack it from here. Thanks.”

“Our pleasure,” I said.

Zhee, finally able to see over the hoversled, got a good look at who I was talking to. “Oh, I’m sure you’re fast at unpacking,” he said, pointing with his pincher arm. “Does that model form into blades?”

“Sure does!” the Strongarm said, holding up a see-through tentacle that instantly flattened into a shape like a steak knife. “Good for packaging, stubborn latches, and all manner of other things.”

“And stabbing!” Blop put in, to be immediately shushed by his sister.

“No stabbing on the job,” she told him.

The Strongarm laughed. “Yeah, just respectable tool use. They don’t give these out to anyone who’s going to do violence with them.”

I asked, “Is that Waterwill tech? I haven’t seen one before.”

“Yup.” He turned the knife back into a tentacle, then into a variety of other shapes. “One of the perks of working here, for sure. They’re cagey about sharing tech. This is the best prosthesis I’ve ever encountered.”

I thought of the hard metal-and-plastic replacement limbs that were standard on Earth. They would be wildly out of place on this guy’s squishy octopus body. And no amount of interchangeable attachments would be able to beat this kind of easy shapeshifting. I said, “That looks really useful.”

“It is!”

The loud door opened to admit a wall of sound, along with the human-and-Strongarm pair. Which I realized with a start was actually just a human wearing more transparent tentacles on his back.

“Here’s the new set,” he said to the Strongarm, placing a clear box on the table that was full of a stack of more flat blue things. They appeared to be cut into very specific shapes. I might have been curious about what they were for if not for the much more interesting thing to be curious about.

“Hello,” I said. “Does everyone who works here get extra limbs?”

The tan human grinned. “If they want ‘em! And they pass the screening, of course. But you’ve got to leave them here each day if they’re the bonus kind, as opposed to replacements.”

The Strongarm wiggled his tentacles in a taunting manner. “I can open packages and slice food so easily at home.”

The human made a face and wiggled the tentacles on his back. “Yeah yeah, we’re all jealous. Someday I’ll convince the bosses that there’s an actual market for these, and I’ll be the first in line to buy my own.”

“They think there isn’t?” I asked in shock. “Those look so useful! I can’t list the number of times I’ve wished for more hands. Using teeth and feet only goes so far.”

Zhee made a disparaging hiss. “You have that many fingers, and still want more? Greedy.”

“I’m just saying that re-weaving a cargo net would go much faster if I could hold all of the fibers at once,” I told him, then turned to the Frillians. “Back me up. Two arms just isn’t enough sometimes, right?”

Blip and Blop looked at each other and shrugged. “I guess?” Blip said. “But that’s just when it’s time to get another person to help.”

Zhee clicked a pincher. “Exactly so. Or approach the problem differently.”

The human told me, “I’ve had this conversation more than once. Apparently not all species grow up imagining what it’s like to have bird wings or monkey tails or whatnot.”

“Surely other people want to fly,” I said. The expressions around me were dishearteningly blank. “Surely!”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” the human said. “See why I couldn’t convince the bosses?”

“But even on a practicality standpoint!” I exclaimed. “They have you using them here; why wouldn’t they think you’d want to use them at home?”

He shrugged, moving the tentacles in a graceful wave as he did. “Alien brains. I’ve given up trying to fully understand.”

The Strongarm spoke up. “If there are actually a large number of humans who would buy these, then it couldn’t hurt to put together a request from outside sources. The bosses don’t listen to random employees who are probably biased, but they might take an interest in actual buyers.”

I shook my head slowly. “Our courier ship isn’t going to be that kind of buyer, especially not at the scale they’d probably need.”

“What about big human ships?” Blip asked. “We could suggest it to the next one we meet.”

“Or human colonies,” Blop said. “Or large groups at space stations.”

Zhee said, “I heard Captain Sunlight talking about a delivery to Basal Station soon. There are plenty of humans there. You could suggest it to them, if you think this is really that widespread an interest.”

“It couldn’t hurt,” I said, thinking. There was indeed a significant human population on that space station, which might even include the crew I’d met from the droid jousting ship Hold My Beer. They were definitely the type to appreciate some extra arms. Both for working on finicky electronics and general slapfight shenanigans.

“Here, we should have something with the contact information,” said the Strongarm. “Jon, is there a notepad over there?”

“Yeah, got it.” The human leaned over a table and used his tentacles to lift a stack of books so he could pull out the small notepad at the bottom. That may have been showing off. “Here you go!” He handed it to me with his regular hand.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll see if I can find the right ears to whisper into.”

“Best of luck!” he said. “My partner has asked me no less than half a dozen times if I could sneak my set home to play around with, but I’m not gonna risk the job.”

I laughed, hoping I wasn’t blushing. “Oh man, I wasn’t even going to mention the bedroom applications.”

Of course Zhee had to ask, tilting his head with faceted eyes shining. “The what?”

“Remember how most humans find tentacles a little creepy?” I asked him, pocketing the notepad.

“I recall. It makes this insistence all the stranger.”

“Well, some humans aren’t creeped out at all. Kind of the opposite. They like them a lot. In a, uh, private fashion.”

Jon the human spelled it out for him. “Mating rituals.”

Zhee’s antennae did a complicated dance, then settled in something that looked like disgust. “I was about to ask why, but I’ve decided I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, best not to,” I agreed. “Anyway! Very useful extra arms. Good for a wide variety of activities. Other humans will likely be interested.”

“Very likely,” Jon agreed.

I activated the hovercart with a nod, and we said our goodbyes. The employees wished me luck. They returned to work while we headed back toward our ship.

Zhee grumbled disparaging things about my species the whole way, but that was nothing new.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

PS: the story with the good ship Hold My Beer is here, if you're wondering about that. It's fun.

[schoolchaos]

Mythology and history based musicals are my true love.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

I'm sorry but no one is ever going to convince me that #justice prevails at the end of mdzs (even the untamed), everyone seems so freaking sad about the events that unfolded. no one is going to convince me that nhs actually found satisfaction in the way jgy & nmj are now forever just chilling in a coffin, no peace whatsoever. jgy was someone who genuinely cared for nhs and i feel it goes vice versa. Don't even get me started on Jin Ling, that child is devastated, and then having to have dealings with the man that was indirectly/directly involved with your uncles death and that even depends on if nhs picks up the slack as sect leader cause huan and jiggy were doing the work for him.

The watchtowers probably going to get disbanded, don't even know what's going on with the Nie clan, Jing lin being forced to play the role of leader so early on in his life. This was not triumphant it felt so very depressing, like damn.

i mean you're preaching to the choir here, anon, i'm in agreement with you. the only people who are happy after the guanyin temple sequence concludes are wangxian, and i think it is entirely reasonable to presume that a lot of their happiness in that moment is a direct result of getting to fuck nasty. 🤷‍♀️ good for them, i guess.