#i used to not understand when fans would say their favorite artists' music saved them but i get it now. i really do

[mintjeru]

super tuna!!!!!!! my entry for the wootteo event happening on weverse rn

open for better quality | no reposts | ID under the cut

[Image description: A digital drawing of Wootteo reeling in a tuna from the ocean. Wootteo looks at the fish with star-shaped eyes. The tuna fish is teary-eyed and terrified. A bright blue sky with a couple of clouds is seen in the background.]

[death-in-a-handbasket]

I joined this account today because I’m sick with no content related to my fucking hyperfixation on my beloved Yukito, so hello! ( And maybe sorry for my bad english ). Thank you for being there for Gaiden fans. I would love to share my headcannons here...

For starters, I would like to say that AYATSUJI IS GOTHIC AND ANARCHIST, because honestly, isn’t growing up being exploited by the government since childhood that your pain will be misinterpreted as just an “arrogant personality.”

And I also love to see him as someone who values ​​art. In addition to having dolls in his basement, there are also paintings that strangely seem to scream through his wounds, a reflection of what is familiarly brutal about this delicate-looking man.

The type of music he listens to ( he rarely listens to music due to sensory overload issues ) has no lyrics OR he oscillates between 3 songs from the album Lullabies to Paralyze by QOTSA ( ‘In My Head’, ‘The Blood Is Love’ and ‘You Got A Killer Scene There, Man...’ ).

His favorite type of literature is Dark Romanticism. I swear, it is no wonder that he collects semi-mythical dolls ( in a sense of to admire and preservation ), when this type of literature reflects the grotesqueness of these creatures and the austurity of human malice.

ANYWAY, I LOVE MY PRECIOUS HUBBY ꒰ ۶ৎ つ ς ꒱

AHHH hello dearie !! welcome to yukito nerd central aka we hyperfixated on a character that the fandom does not know or give a fuck about 😔‼️ but hey we’re getting an English translation of the light novel so I’m SUPER excited (also no worries about bad english you sound just fine honey :] !!)

I need more fanfics and fanart of this man. gaiden community (referring to the same four people) save me gaiden community save me 🙏

first of all I LOVE the idea that this man is anarchist, like I feel he understands why the government is there and why it needs to do what it does but that doesn’t stop him having an abject dislike for the very organization that basically keeps him on death row and only has him alive because he’s useful, idk man you’re right that’s gotta brew contempt fr, also I like thinking about how he’s gotta specifically hate the police force too because he could practically do the work of an entire unit of officers, I don’t doubt that the police who know about him probably slack off because they know he’ll take up the slack 💀 I mean he has to or he’ll die

ALSO ART LIKER YUKITO. TRUTH. there’s no way a man with such adoration for dolls doesn’t appreciate and pay the artists who make them extremely well, I bet sculptors in his area love him because he’s an excellent patron, also he no doubt vents through the dolls and artwork he makes, all that internal anger and suffering has GOT to go somewhere

as for music, I always imagined he’d like stuff made between the 1910s and 1960s, Otis Redding is always a man that comes to mind when I think of music for him, also you have to know he’s listening to that shit on records, bro does not have Spotify ‼️

ALSO YES DARK ROMANTICISM 🙏 if him and Poe start a book club it’s over for everyone, they are reading about horror and the grotesque every day of the week and discussing it in depth 100%, these are antisocial men of course they’re reading about the terribleness of humanity <3

thank you for visiting my inbox hun !! feel free to send asks anytime, he is truly the husband of all time 🫶

here is ms paint yukito I made during lecture as a treat :]

[usedpidemo]

Do you think K-pop concert ticket prices are too expensive now? What do you think should be the threshold, and what can be done to give all fans, whether casual or diehard, a great experience?

I could go on an entire rant/tangent on what I think concerts as a whole should be like, but it would be the length of a regular fic, so I'll spare you every issue and thought I have about them. I've only been to one concert in my whole life, so I don't have the experience or depth that other concertgoers have, but let's just say the streaming and COVID economy fucked up everything.

Prices: I believe the terrible royalties from streaming, as well as the increased demand for live shows in general has caused these ticket prices to skyrocket. Like you can't just buy a ticket for a decent seat for less than $70 now, that shit only gives you nosebleed seats. Not to mention the deliberate collusion of scalpers by ticketing sites. Those resale tickets and third parties directly cooperate with Ticketmaster so they can punch a bit more money from consumers. And don't even get me started with Dynamic Pricing and those terrible service fees. I'm fortunate enough to live in a country where such things don't exist, but with HYBE openly expressing their intention to enable dynamic pricing and finding alternatives in places where it's not available, you can bet they'll find a way to punch up the prices too.

I understand why they charge this much. Fans will go out to see their favorite artist, regardless of how much they complain about it. FOMO. You don't know if they'll come back to your country or city, or when. Not to mention, the typical K-pop concert is a much grander production than, say, your average pop star. You got backup dancers, large stages, numerous costume changes, sometimes a live band, and of course, multiple members with dozens of staff managing a group. Concerts are the biggest revenue/income drive now for a majority of artists because of how music is distributed today, so they have to break even. Doing world tours are costly; consider the VISA and other costs on a country-to-country basis. No wonder they'd rather tour the US and Japan only to save a few thousand dollars.

It's difficult to gauge the threshold because popularity and demand is fickle, especially in K-pop. However, if there has to be a limit, I personally would stop at around $1000-sub range. There's not a damn singer or artist on planet earth, dead or alive, that's worth over a $1000 ticket. Even MJ. The economy isn't looking good, inflation keeps jumping year by year, and concerts have become basically rich people havens too.

Personally, I do think it'll eventually die out. There's a touring oversaturation right now that it dries people out and we have to pick and choose who we want to attend.

There's a few things I really want to see happen in the future, ideally:

• Rookies shouldn't be pricier than their seniors. I don't care if its NewJeans, IVE, or Le sserafim, they really shouldn't be more expensive than say, a 3-4 year old group. It's ridiculous how NMIXX and IVE were more expensive than The Boyz or ATEEZ.

• Announcing ticket sale literally right after the tour announcement. This is something I absolutely hate. Why are you selling tickets for a show six-eight months away like two weeks after announcing it? Fucking insane! It gives us little to no prep time to gather up resources and plan accordingly. Also, what if something happens that causes a concert to be canceled or delayed? It'll be much harder for us to get refunds back, which is exactly why they pull this shit off. Normalize selling tickets at most two months-a month before the show.

• Make the ticket prices worth it. This is my biggest gripe with concerts, more than the prices: that you're basically paying for the seats and nothing else. I'm not gonna lie, I likely wouldn't have gone out to my one and only concert if I wasn't guaranteed anything else besides a nice seat. Pre-pandemic, the price of the ticket I bought would have given me a group/solo pic with the group and some other cool perks like maybe signed merch. Now? Most concerts give you the show and nothing more. You have to justify paying that hefty tag beyond just a close view of your favorite artist. I remember when pop stars like Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and The Weeknd had photo-ops before the show for those VIP tivkets. COVID ruined all of that. It's such a damn shame, because at best, you're getting soundcheck, which I'm not fond of, in my opinion. It forces people to bait for interactions and not enjoy themselves during the show cuz they aren't guaranteed artist engagement (though this won't really change anything if we're being real lol). I personally would be a lot more comfortable and have a greater time if I knew I could greet them before or after the show instead of trying too hard to get their attention.

[smarterthantheaverageloser]

Thanks for tagging me @phantomxblood lol

Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist. then tag 10 people to do the same thing.

Shuffle songs:

Down, Down, Down to Mephisto's Cafe- Slaps, yes it is ska, most of these will be ska, but it slaps. It's Streetlight Manifesto, it always slaps

Question of Life- FISHBONE!!!! I was gonna put this on my favs list. One of the first USA ska bands and talked about a lot of racial/class issues with their music. Their music united ppl across racial lines in a contentious time in US history! Skatunenetwork has a good vid on it.

Sick and Sad- Catch 22. Yeah, I'm not even gonna apologize for still liking them when their music sounds like THAT

Point/Counterpoint- Streetlight Manifesto. My first ever introduction to ska. Ridiculously nostalgic. This song probably saved my life.

Noise Addiction- Pure Hell. Slaps harder than a wet fish on rice paper and the history behind Pure Hell as a band is fascinating and inspiring. One of the first black punk bands and one of the first punk bands in general! Originally the #1 in my top ten, but then it came on and I had to put it in my plays.

....Well, Better Than the Alternative- Will Wood. Makes me feel like a groovy inchworm. Real ones shake ass to this song.

Dear Sergio: I was hoping this one would come on! Streetlight Manifesto. Good vibes even though he's roasting the shit out of Sergio.

If I Could Only Listen to my Heart: Bruce Lee Band. For some reason, even though they are the best, I never see any fans of BLB. Pls contact me if you like this band I need to talk about Them.

The Earth- Isaac Turner. Does not jive with the playlist at all but I love it so much. It's like a vacuum for my brain.

One Foot on the Gas, One Foot on the Grave- Streetlight Manifesto. Gotta love ska and punk and its ridiculously long titles. Anyway, this song is amazing. Finishing off strong.

Songs I like most:

Well, I liked all of those, but here's my favorites from the playlist:

The Communists Have the Music- TMBG, true AND slappy.

This World is Not My Home- Specifically the Bedquilt Ramblers on this list, but the original is amazing as well and I highly suggest ppl listen to that one first to pay their dues to the first ones to sing it

Dollars and Cents- Ska, Bruce Lee Band, everyone go listen to Bruce Lee Band. Literally all of their songs are good

I'm Against the Government- Folkpunk I guess? It's Defiance, Ohio. This one just makes me smile for whatever reason. It's kind of nostalgic for me in general

Go Feet Go- Bruce Lee Band again, we love to see it. It just fucking slaps. Don't look it up without attaching 'bruce lee band' to it because. You will see foot porn :(

Man on the Street- Imperial Leisure. GREAT song to listen to while leaving work.

Dance, Dance Revolution- Bruce Lee Band. Listen to it. Sooo good.

Generations- Bruce Lee Band. Also sooo fucking good.

Healthy Body- Specifically the Jeffries Fan Club version. It's just fun!

KKK Highway- MU330. Short, sweet, and says what it needs to. Just listen, you'll understand.

Sat through a lot of ads for the authenticity lmao: Atting!

@somanyspoons @wannakissrobits @desolate-rose @blossombostonian @badscientist @glicoloidpocky but no pressure!

[septembersghost]

Some Swifties definitely have superiority complex it's so annoying. I can't praise a single artist without them going "oh but Taylor wrote much better","Taylor did it first","he is not as good as Taylor". I know she is awesome but she is definitely not some goddess and just because I like her doesn't mean I can't like anyone else. Some people think being a fan of her is like monogamous relationship.you can only love her and if you're a fan of her you have to hate everyone else. They make 100 page essay about how Taylor is better than x y z . Again there are good ones too but annoying ones are loud

i genuinely blame stan twitter for the vast majority of this, and the equal/opposite reaction of the intense amount of scrutiny and hatred she gets (i still see the most vile things directed at taylor, and i'll never forget that viral tweet from an ariana stan wishing death on andrea when taylor broke one of her streaming records. i think they got suspended for that. stan twitter is not normal, it's cesspool mentality), so it's like naturally fans get defensive and want to stand up for her - which is totally understandable within reason! if you want to praise her artistry or present facts about her songwriting/career/person or talk about how much she means to you, that's great and fair, i certainly do that right here, proudly, daily! what bothers me is attacking other people, or acting like vicious attacks against her give us the right to be bullies to others. there are clearly some stans who think the only way to show their love or loyalty is by being toxic and that's just the antithesis of the point. not to mention grossly hypocritical.

comparisons are ridiculous anyway - only taylor is taylor! only gaga is gaga! only beyonce is beyonce! only harry is harry! why are we participating in the culture of tearing other artists down to prop our favorite up when they're distinct and unique and all have the space to coexist? taylor, after every struggle she's been through, would be troubled by that behavior, but there's not a thing she can do about it, and it's the same for every intense fanbase. (harries can be shockingly cruel for a fanbase whose artist's motto is treat people with kindness. little monsters do this, the beyhive does this, crj's fans were intensely doing this in october, it's depressing but in every group of fans there will be some of them posting horrible things that you wouldn't conceive of saying in any setting). it's why artists really can't address that, and why, as social media has become more insidious, every single one of them has had to pull away altogether. taylor is special and extraordinary, that doesn't mean no one else is! and she doesn't want to be seen that way, she doesn't want to be put up on that pedestal, it's damaging and dehumanizing and terrifying to be made into a goddess. (thinking about a line from two of my favorite films...i don't want to be worshipped, i want to be loved...you've got to find grace for someone's mistakes and humanity, or what's the point?).

anyway i think a lot of the community is really lovely and warm, i adore all my swiftie mutuals and followers on here, you guys have made this such a fun place for me, but you're right, unfortunately in every group the very annoying, mean, negative people are loud, and their loudness makes them seem more numerous than they are, which gives them a power trip.

subjectively her music means more to me than i could ever say and has literally saved my life on more than one occasion, so i'm not going to pretend i don't care particularly about her and her art, but it doesn't diminish the depth of love i have for many other artists too. it kind of makes me think of that idea that saying "i love you" often somehow reduces instead of underscores its power, like love is a finite resource and we can only put it in one place. that's not true, though! love is inexhaustible and increases and grows the more we love and the more we learn, and every form of it is different and valuable, and that maybe especially applies to art because it's such a pure and personal kind of love. nobody's ever going to love a song or a painting or a book or a character in the same way you do, because it's unique to what we've felt, how we interpret it. that's like. a miracle! it really is. and instead of using that to fester in the weird negativity of the internet, we should be using it to encourage exploration and a blossoming of that love and understanding of how everyone cherishes different things in different ways and how beautiful that is!

[legendsmagazine]

When looking at how ruthless the music industry can get, something that is often forgotten is the value of real, genuine friendship free of expectations of reciprocity. People pretend to like people they don’t, because they know that knowing the right people at the right time could save their careers if push ever came to shove. Because of circumstances like this, music-lovers of all kinds found themselves at least a little bit baffled when brooding alternative artist SAINT and UNDEAD’s very own Sebby Jones announced their US-wide „Holy Hell“-Tour. While fans of either artist were thrilled enough to sell out every venue within a few hours, people were still left wondering: How would Sebby Jones’ new age pop-punk mesh with SAINT’s ethereal laments? Is there a place for shows where Jones’ cheerful proclamation of nymphomania can be the pathway for SAINT mourning their perceived loss of innocence? I decided to investigate, making my way to the duo’s Chicago show on February 7th and can say: I came for business, but I stayed for pleasure. 

If you’re over the age of 35 and/or don’t have children, I don’t blame you if you don’t know who either of these artists are, although they’ve both built up an impressive body of work over the last year or two: 

SAINT is the chosen name of Saint Harper-Yamaguchi, a nineteen-year-old singer-songwriter from Walnut Park, known for their devastating path through life (seriously, it’s a crazy rabbit hole), culminating in an eventual adult adoption by Hollywod leading man Austin Harper (31) last year. The young artist managed to cement their way in the contemporary music industry with the release of their sophomore album „Perish“, which received universal acclaim from critics and audiences alike and allowed Harper-Yamaguchi to be awarded the Top Artist award at the 2022 Legends Awards, beating out industry titans like Madam Vivi and Elsa Bergström. 

The other headliner, Sebby Jones has been actively releasing music a little longer than his counterpart - the twenty-two-year-old London-native is a member of controversial Gen-Z rock band „Undead“, mostly known by mainstream audiences for their controversial lyricism and cutthroat fanbase. Unlike the notoriously reclusive SAINT, a lot of Jones’ fans love him for his extroversion and boisterous personality: He first made headlines for his shotgun wedding to fellow scandal-prone teenie-rocker FOXIE, followed by the release of his solo-album „The Freak Show“ in April of last year, catapulting him into the level of  celebrity required to be cast on the 2022-season of Dollhouse, where Jones yet again became a central character after pushing „Londylicious“-singer Londyn Pierce (26) off a balcony during a verbal altercation. After this, Jones went on to win the Top New Artist award to mirror Harper-Yamaguchi’s win from that same night.

The two unlikely collaborators met „around 5 or 6“ years ago while homeless, couchsurfing together and „building a bond that most people probably wouldn’t understand“, says SAINT. The night of last year’s Legends Awards incited the feeling of finally feeling like the two had won something after being handed nothing but losses in life, causing them to make the decision that if people liked to see them separately, their bond would only improve their individual talents.

The show lasted for about two hours and was jam-packed with music, crowd-interaction, fanservice and some genuinely touching moments - I don’t want to give everything away, of course, but here’s 5 of my favorite moments of the night: 

#1 The „Golden Age“ Performance

With the crowd still on a high from Jones’ performance of „Parents“,SAINT stepped onto a completely dark stage before only the floor was illuminated in a warm white light. „And I don’t wanna talk about love anymore / Cause it’s getting too much for me“, they introduced their newest single „Golden Age“ - a very personal hymn of reflection and emptiness, wrapped in a translucent bow of eerie sentimentality: „I’m so beautiful and it’s wasted on me / Because the taste reminds me, I hate what love’s turned out to be.“ The young artist’s wistful performance though, was what really drove the point home. In light of her recent breakup with Undead frontman Axel Parrish (21), Harper-Yamaguchi’s mournfulness feels real and tangible. In its core, the performance was a raw declaration of uncertainty, a very common feeling within the artist’s generation, showcased through SAINT’s lens - deeply evocative and bleak, yet laced with a deep determination to set out and overcome.

#2 The “Don’t Feel Like Feeling Sad Today” Performance

“To be honest with all of you, I feel shit sometimes. Life can be fucking shit, ya know? Bad days, bad months, bad years. And sometimes I feel proper sad,” Jones’ stated almost solemnly, his English accent as thick as ever as he stood centre stage. All eyes were fixated on him as the microphone was secured to the stand, an impressive swig of a beer housed in a plastic cup was taken, and then the guitar resting across his back was swung to his front as a cheeky smile appeared on his face. “But ya know what? I don’t feel like feeling sad today.” The plastic cup was launched above the crowd. As beer rained upon us, Jones wielded the guitar and the beginning chords of the unreleased song caused a wail of screams from the crowd. “But I think I’m too late and I’m sinking now / And I need somebody to pull me out.” The energy displayed within the performance by Jones was addictive, eager and it pulled us all in. As the chorus hit and the Englishman paraded from either side of the stage with the guitar, the crowd came to life even more as the warm light bled into a multicoloured array of positivity over us. “While all the people are cruel, you’re an hour away / Don’t feel like feeling sad today.” Over all, the performance exuded positivity, an absolute eagerness for happiness to rule and for all signs of negativity to fade into the dark. The way he displayed himself on that stage, I could feel the intensity from him as well as subtle undertones of desperation. The want and need for everything to be okay with the world, and perhaps within himself too.

#3 Duet Debut

Avid fans and Twitter users already found out about the fact that one of the promised „surprises“ for tour was the debut of an as-of-now untitled track that Jones and Harper-Yamaguchi perform together. Heavy guitar riffs typical for Jones’ signature style meshed together with a dreamy, glossy production finish that’s commonly seen in SAINT’s most hard-hitting tracks provide the framework for the long-awaited official collaboration between the two artists and give fans what they were asking for. The lyrics tell a story of starcrossed love, giving fans sufficient reason to go crazy with their theories: „Wide awake all night thinking about you / Do you think of me too?“ SAINT belts, sometimes overpowered by the strong instrumental, but it comes off as purposeful, as if her insecurity is being drowned out by the noise of everyday life. „I keep on losing track of time / Cause what’s the point if you’re not by my side?“ Jones questions, and I’m sure after seeing this powerful display of compatibility, fans wonder the same thing.

#4 The Rainbow Flag Moment

Something a lot of people who don’t necessarily listen to SAINT’s music can attribute to them is a series of tweets they made around the time the Legends Awards nominations were announced. They expressed frustration about the gendered categories that barred them as a gender-nonconforming artist from being nominated in some categories, which heated the discussion of inclusion of nonbinary performers in an increasingly diverse industry and cemented the 19-year-old as an important figure in the LGBTQ+ community. On the other hand, Sebby Jones’ band, Undead, has just very recently come out of a controversy concerning the use of misogynistic and homophobic language. When a pride flag was thrown on stage during an interlude, Jones eagerly picked it up, presenting it to the audience, which led to mixed reactions in the audience, with some boos ensuing and several people gesturing for him to hand it over to SAINT, who reacted with irritation: „We’re not doing this.“, they stated, taking over the mic to remind the crowd that Jones, who is bisexual, was also a member of the community and „shows people a lot more kindness than I do“. Jones appeared slightly shaken by the crowd’s reaction, but seemed equally happy for his friend’s support.

#5 The Encore

By the time the crowd was begging for an encore, I was sold - the two artists had taken all of us into their two deeply distinct worlds: Jones’ sensations of anger, fear and perseverance in a world that is inherently against you, juxtaposed with Harper-Yamaguchi’s mindset of hazy sentimentality, regret and yearning, as well as the realisation that to her, the scary thing about the world isn’t its hostility, but its indifference. The two forces bleed into each other repeatedly over the course of the evening, allowing fans of one of the artists to get to know the other, giving them a chance to understand who they are and why their bond is self-described as invaluable. I had reached the end of the show, being sure that this was my takeaway; that this concert experience was crafted in a way that allows two very different camps of young people to gain appreciation for the other, because their idols have always held this appreciation. And then, both of them returned to give us one last encore - as a professional, I thought I knew what to expect: A final collaboration tying their styles together before sending the crowd off; yet what we good was so much more unique than that: A true-to-the-source-material cover of actress Lucia Hernandez’ (22) 2009-blunder „Friday“. The crowd went wild (partly, as I found out later, because of a viral video that showed the two partying to the notorious bop at a karaoke-club a few weeks ago) and I was completely transfixed, quietly cursing at myself because this completely messed with the holistic picture I had of the show. I wasn’t sure what to make of it - but I couldn’t help but cheer along with the crowd, because SAINT taught me that nothing matters, and Sebby Jones taught me that sometimes, Friday can happen on a Tuesday.

[najatheangel]

a/n: apart of the Stray Kids Summer Collab hosted by @bangchan-fairy. My 2nd story for this collab so please show love and tell me what you think. This collab was so fun to participate in have a great summer everyone. genre: fluff, drama and angst. (Warning: Mentions of car accident and death.) pairing: bangchan x reader (ft. Felix, Changbin, and Lee Know.) word count: 2.2k summary: After years of making music at a young age, stray kids were facing their last night on the tour which ended in tragedy. They were involved in a horrible bus accident leading them to pass away, but only four survived. Months after the incident Bangchan, Felix, Lee Know, and Changbin lost their passion for music and performing as a band. The boys want to reunite and make music again, but they can’t accomplish that without another lead singer which is you.

taglist: @soleilsuhh @melonmochimoon @purplepsycho03 @kpopsnowball @neptunehobi @dundun-baby (Send me a message if you want to be added or removed from the tag list.)

Bangchan’s Pov: 05/23/21.

The day of the audition and the day I’ve found myself loving music again. I hate that we have to start all over again. Ever since that night after our world tour with the boys, we lost everything including our four friends Jeongin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Han. I have nightmares every day about that night thinking if I could’ve done anything different or prevented any of my friends from getting hurt, but the devil cursed us with this tragic fate.

I remember we were going to celebrate years of hard work by going to our favorite ramen shop. We played over 30 states and 20 countries all across the globe. We even collaborated with big-name artists like The Weekend, Machine Gun Kelly, Drake, etc…

Our journey was just beginning but quickly came to an end when our tour bus crashed and rolled down the hill away from the expressway. We all almost died together that night, but only me, Changbin, Felix, and Lee Know survived. Lee Know suffered the most injuries out of the four of us when he couldn’t play the guitar for a whole year.

Felix had to be on crutches for a few months, Changbin wasn’t as happy as he normally was; he went completely dark and would never show his soft side to any. As for me, I suffered from severe PTSD after the accident.

We all had to go to therapy, but with me being the leader and having to handle the funeral arrangements with my manager, my depression and stress became much worse.

Our company wanted to force us to continue to perform with just the four of us, but we decided to take a hiatus before thinking about performing again.

That’s how we ended up here after 3 years of pain, grieving the death of my friends and reuniting with my old bandmates to search for a new lead singer.

…

Reader’s POV: 05/23/21

I was Stray Kids biggest fan ever since their debut. Every year, I’ve attended their concerts on my birthday and meet backstage with them thanking them for making music that changed my life. When I heard what happened the night after the tour just like everyone else in the world I cried about it and more than ever I want to take away their pain to turn it into something positive.

I’ve decided to do the unthinkable and audition for stray kid’s next lead singer.

They’ll only pick one out of 5,000 people and the winner gets to make a summer album with Stray Kids. This is my last chance to achieve my dream and give back to the boys for what their music has done for me.

“Number 201! You're up, please get ready to perform on stage.” As the crew backstage called out my number I was shaking in my boots, but I knew that I had to rock that stage. As I grabbed my guitar and walked on stage, I saw four of the amazingly talented men in front of me. After hours of hearing people perform all day, their faces still looked very bored and over this whole audition, but little did they know I had a surprise up their sleeve.

“Hello, I’m number 201. My name is y/n, I’m 22 years old. I’m born and raised in California and the song that I will be singing tonight is an original piece. This one’s for you guys.” As I spoke my last bit of words before performing the boys finally looked up and their eyes glow as I started to play my guitar.

…

Bangchan’s Pov: I was completely thrown off guard when I saw number 201 perform. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling at that exact moment, but her voice was pulling me into another planet. Her song almost moved me to tears it was like she was speaking to all four of us and was understanding how we felt at that exact moment. The lyrics that stood out to me the most were “No matter how tough life may get, it’s best to keep your head high otherwise it’s all downhill.” She’s very confident I can tell that she was born to be a performer so I don’t see why not, but she would be even stronger as a solo artist.

The boys were cheering and screaming immediately wanting to take her in, but I was still not down for this idea for a new lead singer in the first place.

Stray Kids was supposed to be irreplaceable, but then I remembered the reason why we needed someone like her in the first place which is to make music again and do it for our angels Seungmin, Han, Jeongin, and Hyunjin.

So I stood up on stage next to her clapping my hands and slapped my hand on her shoulder. I gave the boys a nod and smiled at her by saying “Congratulations number 201. From this day forward, you will be our new lead singer of Stray Kids. Are you in?” She flashed the prettiest smile and hugged me so tight and the rest of the members joined the big group hug.

“On three you guys, Stray Kids for Life!” Changbin expressed as I’ve finally heard his cute voice come out. “1...2..3...Stray Kids for Life!” Maybe this girl would change us for the better.

…

Our manager gave us until the end of August to perform at the summer bash festival in her hometown Orange County California which was one of the accomplishments of our life since we’ve debuted as a group. Practicing together all summer made me realize how much I enjoyed the process of making songs for our group and became ten times better when she came into the picture.

At first, I’ve felt bad for being cold around the first few weeks of practice. I would always ignore her presence and turn down eating lunch with her on breaks because I was still not used to having her around. She would cry after practice calling her older sister saying that “Bangchan doesn’t seem to like me and I don’t understand why when all I’m trying to do is help him make music again.”

I remember fighting one of my best friends Felix about pushing her away the night and she almost quit the band.

He just kept screaming at me and telling me that I’ve become worse than before after therapy which stung, but I also felt bad for letting him storm off and telling him that our friendship was over. We were fist fighting which never happened and it led us to sleep in separate rooms for a whole week since we were roommates. One night I couldn’t forget was when she came back after Felix left home to visit his family for the weekend. Changbin and Lee Know were out with their girlfriends which led me to be alone or so I thought.

…

Reader’s Pov: 06/04/21.

Bangchan I never understood him out of all the boys. Lee Know he was easy to talk to because we have the same personality and have a love for the same video games. Felix was like an older brother to me always making sure I was alright, well feed, and getting good sleep at night. Changbin was like my personal therapist I would talk to him about all my problems and concerns about anything that’s going on in my life. All three of them were you can say my new besties, but Bangchan on the other hand... was a tough cookie to crack. I would try to check on him if he’s messing up in practice or if he’s stayed up overnight to practice.

I can tell he blamed himself for every little thing ever since the bus accident and he’s hard on himself which makes sense, but I hate that he has to take it out on others especially his best friend. That week in July I’ve decided to come back and give Bangchan a piece of mind because I was fed up with the lack of improvement and bad energy as a group, but then I started to hear him sob from his room. The boys left him all alone and I was the only one that could save him out of his misery.

With no hesitation, I slammed the door open and ran to Bangchan gently embracing him. This man was putting up a fight to forget about the past, but with his PTSD it’s hard for him to get through the pain. So I calmed him down and simply asked him. “Have you ever thought about making a song for them?” I can tell he was hesitating to answer the question, but he responded by saying. “Honestly no. I’m still not in my right mind to do so. You’ve seen me in practice so I can’t do it alone.”

It all started to make sense he was planning the whole time to make this song on his own and not have anyone bother him. “You’re not alone. At least for tonight, since we have one month left, let’s try writing together you and me. Whadya say?” “Y/n...You would do that for me?”

“Of course your my role model and special friend after all.” The unexpected happened he suddenly pulled me next to him on his bed and softly kissed me on the lips. It was my first ever sweet interaction with him and I didn’t understand it, but I was happy at that moment that he finally opened up to me. He caressed my head and dragged me into the studio with him excited to get straight to work.

When the boys came back, we’ve shared the news about our new song they were very happy with our process and agreed to share the song with the world. Of course, Felix and Bangchan talked for hours when he came in the room last and made up instantly. It was a fight that they never wanted to affect their friendship and dynamic negatively, but it made us all happy when they finally became best friends again.

I remember our group becoming a lot closer we would play game night every Thursday, have chicken and beer on the weekends, threw the biggest for Changbin dressing up in wolf costumes, and Bangchan taking me on our first date at the amusement park which was the adventure of a lifetime.

I felt bad for leaving early because I have a weak stomach when it comes to roller coasters. These memories with the boys are something that I’ve always dreamed of being a part of ever since I’ve seen their debut. If I can simply describe everything the five of us have been through it would be...

…

Bangchan’s Pov: 07/26/21.

“Hello everyone. This is Stray Kids we’re back better than ever. This summer has been one crazy ride, but I’m glad I’ve got to share it alongside my bandmates. My forever brothers Felix, Lee Know, Changbin and my angel y/n will share the stage with me as we perform our new song Perfect Melody. This song not only represents our journey with our new lead singer but also our journey with our family Seungmin, Jeongin, Han, and Hyunjin. I hope stays enjoy.” I was very confident presenting this song to the world and didn’t want to bring shame to my angel’s hometown so I had to put a performance of a lifetime.

I’ve slowly started to panic when Lee Know started playing the drums and it took me back once again to the accident in my mind. Good thing I forgot about it completely once I’ve heard her voice starting off the song. With Changbin playing the keyboard and Felix bass blending in with her singing in the background it meshes perfectly which is when I come in singing with her in harmony.

The crowd seemed to go crazy over it and all I can see with her shining so brightly as she does carrying the whole song. Felix deep vocals come in and we scream the lyrics as stays sing together with us feeling what’s in our hearts. We performed like it was our last with no regrets, no hesitation just simply because we loved what we were bringing to the table. If it wasn’t for her I don’t think this ever would’ve happened.

She helped us reunite as a band, got me through my trauma, and best of all we’ve found love in the end. When the song finally cut off we all heard stays cheering and crying screaming “Stray Kids we love you!” Our manager and stage crew was jumping and smiling at us celebrating our successful performance.

Lee Know was shocked saying “We did it, you guys. We performed on this stage and we did it!” Changbin started tearing up but tried to play it off by acting tough. “Duh of course we did. I knew could do it.” Felix laughed motioning for us to group hug.

“Bring it in you guys, If it wasn’t for our wonder woman we wouldn’t have made it this far.” We all hugged each other chanting and spinning around in the confetti. “Bangchan see I told you, we’ve finally done it.” Gosh, she’s just the cutest flashing her sparkling eyes at me as she says that.

“Yeah, I guess we did. I’m sorry for ever doubting and treating you like a jerk. Thank you for everything. For now, on it’s five of us or nothing.” She gives me one last smile and links our pinkies together giving them a tiny kiss. “Of course! Five or nothing.”

[jalapeno-princess]

Treat You Better

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst with a bunch of terribly written smut ahaha idk why I keep trying to write smut I can’t write smut to save my life

Word Count: 12.6k

Warning: Intended for 18+ audience; cheating, degradation, riding, oral (both male and female receiving) face fucking, doggy style

Summary: Mark was at the club with a few of his friends when he spots you walking in all alone. Knowing the kind of person you were, Mark was well aware that you hated the night life. You were the definition of homebody and you weren’t a fan of clubs or bars which made Mark confused seeing you making your way in to the dimly lit establishment. Not wanting anyone to take advantage of you. he finds himself walking towards you with the intentions of making sure you were safe. He then finds out that you were there to find someone to get revenge on your boyfriend Jackson with. As much as you hated the idea of one night stands and sleeping with strangers, all your rationality was thrown out the window as soon as you found out Jackson had been cheating on you with his receptionist. What started off as an innocent little dance with Mark turned in to riding him in the back seat of his car and it’s in that moment of lust that you find out Mark’s true feelings for you.

A/N: Hey guys! I’m back at it again with an extremely rushed story and I’m not too sure when I’ll have the time to write again but I hope you enjoy this story. It’s based on a song called “Soliá” by Bad Bunny which means “Used to” in Spanish. I’ve been getting in to his music a lot these days and even if I don’t speak a word of Spanish, I love each and every one of his songs (they’re actually almost all about sex hahahaha) but he’s an amazing artist and I love how he speaks out for those who can’t use their voices. If you have a chance, definitely go check him out he’s awesome and so is this song.

She arrived alone, she went out without her friends Revealed, in alcohol looking for a way out From that fake relationship Baby, I saw how you look at me I repeat it to you in case you forget it Send him a message that says To not leave you alone Because he could lose you If one day he sees you again From me, tell him to not leave you alone Because he could lose you If one day he sees you again

Mark was quick to turn his attention to you the minute you walked in to the club. Although it was extremely dark besides the strobe lights moving around, the music was blasting and almost every single person there was grinding upon one another, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander to your curvaceous figure the minute Yugyeom pointed you out. 

He had to do a double take; when the younger boy nudged him and motioned towards the entrance he almost didn’t believe it was you. Everyone who knew you personally was aware of the fact that you hated bars and clubs and never understood why people would spend so much money on alcohol and having a bunch of sweaty bodies pressed up against you. 

Curiosity got the best of him; why exactly were you there and better yet, why were you alone? If anything, Mark would’ve expected you to be there with your group of friends; they were always out on Friday nights and Mark saw them every now and then but you never tagged along. Maybe they were already somewhere in the crowded room and you were going to meet them. 

There was a tiny voice in the back of his head, the one that cared about you more than he probably should that told him to go up to you and make sure you weren’t messed with by one of the drunk and visibly horny men. However, he knew not to get involved whenever it came to you. He knew that you’d never put yourself in a dangerous situation; but with the outfit you were wearing, a short, red dress that stopped right at the beginning of your thighs and hugged each and every one of your curves, he was sure you were going to be the star of the night. 

You looked extremely beautiful and Mark couldn’t find it in himself to take his eyes off of you. Your hair that was normally thrown up in a messy bun or neatly tied back in a ponytail was currently down in bouncy waves. Even from far away, he could tell that you were hardly wearing any make up and it was something he always admired about you. If he was being honest, there were many pretty girls in the club wearing outfits similar to yours and even more revealing in attempts to catch the attention of men. 

However, you didn’t even have to try to look as sexy as you did; it just came natural for you. From the moment you were introduced to one another, he noticed that you weren’t one to care about your looks or what you wore. You cared more about your job, your personality and your desire to help others rather than your appearance and what people thought about you. In his eyes, you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever met both on the inside and out. 

He wasn’t used to seeing you so dolled up. You were always so shy and modest. If you weren’t wearing your scrubs for work, you’d either be in jeans or sweats and even then, Mark would find himself staring at you in awe of your beauty. But seeing you with your breasts and ass on display for the first time since meeting you over two years ago was driving him insane. This is his favorite look on you so far. Before he could process what he was doing, he found himself walking towards you; he didn’t even feel the need to tell his friends where he was going. 

All he cared about in that moment was going up to you and finding out what you were doing there. The closer he got to you, he could feel his heart racing. This was a mistake; he couldn’t stop the gut feeling that you were upset with him and you had every right to be. Yet it didn’t stop him from tapping on your shoulder once he finally made it over to where you were standing. As soon as you turned around and a soft smile rose on your face, he released a breath of relief. He’s been beating himself up about the entire situation for the last couple of months. 

When he first found out that your boyfriend Jackson who just so happened to be one of his closest friends was cheating on you, he wanted nothing more than to find you and tell you the truth. Sure, they’ve been friends for over ten years and he’s only known you for two, but he knew cheating was wrong especially because you didn’t deserve it. Everyone and their mothers knew just how much you loved your boyfriend. You gave him everything and more on a silver platter. Whatever he needed, you got for him or did for him without complaining. Your sole purpose was to take care of him and make sure he was both happy and healthy. 

Mark was always envious of Jackson. Not only was his younger friend more outgoing and very friendly on top of being very muscular and athletically talented, but he had you. When Jackson first told their group of friends that he was in a relationship, none of them could believe it. Jackson was the definition of a fuckboy. All throughout high school and college, he was infamous for sleeping around with almost every girl in their grade. There was even a rumor that he hooked up with everyone on the cheerleading squad and although it wasn’t confirmed, Mark wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that it was true. Jackson was a crowd favorite; all the guys on campus wanted to be him and all the girls wanted to be with him. 

That’s why he couldn’t believe Jackson was ready to settle down and commit himself to one girl. The first day he met you stayed in the back of his mind for the last two years. He was quick to pick up on how soft spoken and introverted you were. Probably because he was exactly the same. It was obvious that you and Jackson were the complete opposite of each other and the longer Mark got to know you, the more he felt like you deserved better. 

In the beginning of your relationship, Jackson was such a gentleman. He was quite the romantic; took you on cute dates, bought you flowers, opened doors for you and always pulled out your chair. He was also very vocal to his friends about how much he loved you and how he thought you were the one. Never in a million years did any one of them think that Jackson was going to find someone that made him want to change his playboy ways, but you did and they still had a hard time understanding how. 

Unfortunately, temptation got the best of him once a new receptionist was hired at the company Jackson was working at. Being the overly friendly person he was, he’d start small talk every now and then with her, but then it grew in to more and one night he found himself fucking her up against the wall in one of the storage rooms. 

He knew it was wrong, and he never hated himself more than in that moment knowing that he cheated on you; the only person whose ever meant anything to him but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Nor did he want to break up with you no matter how much he knew you didn’t deserve it. Two months in to his affair, there was one night he went out with Mark, Jinyoung and Youngjae to a bar and he got a little too drunk. 

Only four shots in, he began going in to explicit detail about his little dalliance with the receptionist and it took every bone in Mark’s body not to jump across of the table and sock him in the face. How could he do that to you? He told the guys that he had no intentions on giving you up because you were the best thing that’s ever happened to him yet he talked about his coworker as if it was the most normal thing to do. As if there was nothing wrong with fucking someone behind your back. 

Jinyoung tried his best in keeping Mark calm; he was the only one that knew of Mark’s feelings for you. Mark knew it was wrong to develop feelings for his best friend’s girlfriend, but it was inevitable. You radiated such a bright and positive energy. Although you were always to yourself, even when you went out with their group of friends, Mark was one of the lucky ones who got to know how you really were. You were very passionate about your job; as hard as being a nurse was, you loved helping people in any way possible. 

He got to spend time with you every now and then if he went to Jackson’s place and since the two of you both worked at the hospital, you’d eat lunch together every so often and sometimes you hung out even without Jackson being there. It was in those moments; watching your eyes light up as you talked about your love for cake boss, seeing you practically stuff your face with ice cream and hearing on you talk on the phone with your mom that Mark found himself wishing that he could be more than just a friend. He wanted to be the lucky guy that loved you. 

Mark has never felt this way about anyone before and you weren’t even his to be fond over but here he was, mentally beating the shit out of Jackson and wanting nothing more than to rip that dress off of you. During one of your lunches together just a few weeks ago, you expressed to Mark that you felt as if there was another woman in Jackson’s life. 

First it started off when he started contacting you less and you understood that he was busy, but so were you and yet you made it your priority to make sure he was eating all his meals on time and getting enough sleep. Then came the excuses as to why you couldn’t hang out together and the cancellation of dates. You confirmed his infidelity when you were over at his place one day and found a thong in his hamper that obviously didn’t belong to you. When the first tear fell when you were explaining everything to him, Mark could physically feel his heart sink to his chest. 

The confession was at the tip of his tongue, but it wasn’t his place to tell you no matter how badly he wanted to. It had nothing to do with his loyalty to his younger friend, Mark was willing to drop his entire friendship with Jackson if it meant getting to be with you. But he didn’t think he should be the one to relay the devastating news, which is why he confronted Jackson and ended up giving him a black eye almost three days ago. They ended up getting in to a heated argument with Jackson confronting Mark about having feelings for you and Mark telling Jackson to let you go. 

Jaebeom and Yugyeom had to practically rip their older friend off of Jackson or they were sure he would’ve sent him to the hospital. Your boyfriend might have been more muscular, but Mark was physically stronger. For someone with such skinny arms, he could throw a punch. 

“Hey, what are you doing here? You’re not alone are you?” He was trying his best not to look at you up and down, especially because now that he was closer to you he had a better look at you and your breasts were ready to pop out of your dress. Jackson was an idiot for cheating on you. Not only were you breathtakingly beautiful and right now you looked lethal, but you had the biggest heart and Mark felt like you deserved the entire world and more. He wanted to be the one who got to experience your love. 

Jackson no longer deserved it; no longer deserved you and Mark didn’t care what happened between the two of them anymore, he was going to make sure you left Jackson for good. 

“I came here by myself actually. I really don’t know why you guys come here so often, this place is bullshit. But I think you and I both know why I’m here. I don’t see him here, he’s with her right now isn’t he?” Although you looked eerily calm, the words bitterly fell from your mouth and Mark could feel his chest tighten at the realization that you now knew of your boyfriend’s affair. 

“Y/n—“ you put your hand out in front of him and shook your head. You were there to get drunk and had every intention to end up in bed with someone later that night. If Mark were to say anything to try to defend Jackson or if he were to lie, you’d probably decide that you made a mistake in coming to the club and leave before the night could really start. You may have considered Mark a good friend, but you had a huge feeling he knew his friend was cheating on you and didn’t feel the need to inform you. His loyalty was with Jackson or so you had thought. 

“I’m here to have a good time and to find a reason to move on. Don’t worry about me Mark. I’ll be fine. I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself.” 

When Jackson first asked you out over two years ago when he met you at one of his trips to the emergency room, he found himself falling for you faster than he’s ever done with any girl. There was something about you that was different; that stood out from all his one night stands and flings that never lasted longer than a month. To your surprise, you had a few friends that knew who he was and they informed you of what he was like; how much of a womanizer he was and how he never dated anybody. 

You told yourself you didn’t want to get involved with him and that you wouldn’t allow someone like Jackson to take advantage with you, but being the kindhearted person you were who tried so hard to see the good in people, you allowed him to take you on a date which led to many more throughout the course of your relationship. Jackson both told you and showed you with his actions just how much he loved you and loved being with you. You were excited knowing that out of all the girls he’s been connected to, that you were the one who ended up changing his ways and that you were the first girl he’s ever been in love with. 

Everything seemed to be going so well in your relationship and you couldn’t be happier. However, as soon as he began growing distant towards you, you couldn’t help but feel like there was a reason behind it. 

Hearing that you were there alone worried Mark; especially because he saw the way a lot of the men in the club were looking at you with so much lust and fervor in their eyes. He wasn’t a mind reader, but he knew a lot of the guys probably had the same idea in mind and he cringed at the thought of someone taking advantage of you. You were extremely vulnerable in that moment and for you to come to the conclusion that you wanted to go to the club with the intention of letting one of these disgusting and undeserving men get to take you home later on made his skin crawl. Which is why he didn’t find it surprising when he began following you to the bar with every intention of keeping an eye on you. 

“Mark, I said I can handle myself—“ the glare he sent your way was chilling, but it also excited you. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find Mark attractive. In fact, there were some days that you considered him better looking than your own boyfriend. He had the softest heart shaped lips, the prettiest brown eyes with the cutest little mole underneath his right one, a well-defined, sharp nose and such a breathtaking smile. 

Whenever the two of you talked, you could never keep your eyes off of him. But it wasn’t just his charming good looks that had you swoon over him. It was how gentle he was; how he treated you like you were the only girl in the entire world. How he looked at you with so much admiration and adoration. How he made you feel important; made you feel things Jackson never made you feel once in your entire relationship. Since you were so in love with Jackson, you never got to admire Mark in that way. You were so blinded by love, that you failed to pay attention to your surroundings. 

That was until you found out Jackson was being unfaithful; then you began seeing Mark in a different light. You started falling for his sweet words; how he would compliment you on something only he would notice. When you colored your hair a lighter shade, he wouldn’t stop going on about much the color change brought out the color of your eyes and made you even prettier than you already were. Not even Jackson would notice things like that. He always made time for you, put effort in checking up on you and told you the lamest jokes to make you laugh. These days you’d hardly ever receive a hello from your boyfriend. 

The more time you spent with Mark, the more you began losing feelings for Jackson. You also finally came to the realization that you deserved to be treated the way Mark treated you. But Mark was off limits. There was no way you could be anything more to Mark than a colleague at work and someone who was dating his friend. You hated cheaters and the idea of cheating made your skin crawl, but you wanted to get back at Jackson for doing it to you. 

Although you didn’t think he even cared about you or what you did anymore, you wanted to hit him where it hurt. When you took your first shot of tequila, you hated how strong it was and how it burned the back of your throat, yet you found yourself downing two more and right before you could take another one, Mark grabbed it from you and downed it himself. 

“Hey, slow down. Take it easy, the night is still so young y/n.” You rolled your eyes at his comment and began looking out at the dance floor. The patron was starting to kick in and you wanted to let loose. 

“Hey Mark?” He saw the glint in your eye and he knew whatever you had on your mind couldn’t be good, yet he found himself humming in curiosity. 

“Dance with me?” 

Today she wants to dance all night long, eh She is almost single I don't introduce anyone to her, that make her bothered Total, at the end of the night she has what she wants The moon already indicated to her She posted something on her story, someone got mad Her song played and she dedicated it She says she wants to do it with me good, huh Let the windows fog The girl is grown up, how can someone scold her Don't ruin her night, huh The Kardashian is no longer for Kanye There have been many disappointments, eh Lies from all of these assholes, eh Once again they failed her She would give it a chance, but she ran out

Mark should’ve said no. There were red flags going off in his mind, but he didn’t seem to care. At all. His friendship with Jackson was nonexistent at the moment and he didn’t want you dancing with a stranger with evil intentions. You were oblivious a force to reckon with, but at the same time being quite the lightweight, you were already a bit tipsy and Mark knew you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself if he did end up leaving you all alone. 

Heat rushed to his face when he felt you reach for his hand and intertwined it with yours. Your fingers were fairly smaller, but your hands fit perfectly with his. As soon as you made it on to the dance floor, you wrapped your arms around his neck and began dancing. A soft giggle fell from your lips when you noticed how timid and flustered he was being so close to you. He hesitantly placed both his hands on your upper back but they didn’t stay there for too long. With the courage you didn’t think was possible for you to have while you were sober, you brought his hands down to your lower waist and continued to move your hips gracefully to the music. 

“Don’t be such a hardass Mark. If you’re gonna dance, do it right.” Oh he was hard all right. He was hard as soon as he saw you over twenty minutes ago. It was inevitable for him to get so turned on by you. He’s had a crush on you for almost two years now and here you were, smiling up at him while swaying back and forth to The Weeknd. After a couple of moments, Mark finally let loose and allowed himself to dance along with you. He never wanted this moment to end. You looked so free; so in your element and he wanted you to always be this happy. 

He craved to be the source of your happiness and he knew he would treat you the way you deserved to be treated. The two of you were in your own little worlds that you failed to notice that his group of friends were looking directly at you and everyone but Jinyoung were so confused. Why was Mark dancing so freely with you knowing that you were his best friend’s girlfriend? Did he not feel the least bit of weird knowing who you were and that it was wrong for him to have his hands so close to your ass? 

None of them said anything about it though and they were all still so upset with Jackson to want to tell him what was going on so they all pretended like they saw nothing. The next song was a little more sexual, and you didn’t even think as you turned around and began grinding on Mark. Your mind was too clouded with alcohol to realize what you were doing could jeopardize not only your friendship with Mark but his friendship with Jackson. However, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

Feeling his hands make their way down to your hips as he helped you gyrate your ass against his hips sent chills down your spine. As the song continued to play, your movement became more rough, causing Mark’s pants to tighten even more than they already were. He was hard as a rock and on the verge of coming by the feeling of your plump ass rubbing against his cock. Once this song was over, he was planning on excusing himself to the bathroom to fix the huge problem in his pants but not before bringing you to his group of friends so that they could keep an eye on you. 

You however, had other plans. The hardness against your ass caused the coil in your stomach to tighten and you could feel the wetness between your thighs growing when Mark started to thrust upwards. When he brought one of his hands up to your chest and cupped one of your boobs, you released a soft moan. At this point, all your sanity was thrown out the window and before you could process the entire situation in front of you, your lips were on his. 

The kiss was rough; you barely gave Mark any time to prepare before smashing your mouth against his and he knew he shouldn’t be taking advantage of you since he was aware that you were inebriated, but he couldn’t help himself. He’s dreamt of learning what your lips would taste like and feel like molded against his own and now that he knew, he wasn’t going to be able to get enough. His hands playfully squeezed both your ass cheeks before cupping your face in his palms and deepening the kiss. It was rough; your teeth began clashing against his and both your tongues fought for dominance. 

Mark felt as if his entire body was in flames; but at the same time he felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown on him and woke up each and every cell in his body. To his dismay, you pulled away to catch your breath and before he could reconnect your lips together, you went on your tip toes and whispered in his ear. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He felt embarrassed at how eagerly he nodded in agreement and followed directly behind you as you made your way towards the exit. His mind was too busy being filled up with the thought of what the two of you were going to do that he didn’t even think about letting his friends know that he was leaving and he didn’t even think he could make it back to either of your places. He wanted you now. Even if it meant taking you up against his car in the middle of the parking lot. Once you both made your way to his truck, he headed straight for the back seat with every intention on fucking your brains out. You didn’t even have to say anything; although he wished he asked you what you wanted to do first. 

He wanted to make sure the two of you were on the same page, but before he could speak up, you were pushing him down on the chair and reconnecting your lips together. You brought your hands up to both his cheeks and kissed him like your life depended on it. Although he was kissing you so passionately and intensely, you could feel like he still wanted to be gentle with you and the idea made your heart flutter. 

“M—Mark.” With the way he was looking at you with an unfamiliar look in his eye that looked like a mix of adoration and something you couldn’t put your finger on, you wanted to show him just how much he meant to you. You took one of his hands and brought it down to your extremely soaking pussy. “Fuck me. Now.” His eyes widened in shock and he didn’t think you of all people; the shy and gentle y/n who had a hard time telling patients bad news because her heart was so big who also couldn’t tell the barista in the cafe that her order was wrong was capable of having such a dirty mouth on her. He felt his resolve slowly coming to it’s end at the feeling of how wet you were and he was so close to just saying fuck it and taking you right then and there in any and every position possible. But being the gentleman he was who cared about you, he wanted to make sure that you were doing this for all the right reasons. 

“Are you—are you sure about this y/n? I don’t want you doing this because you want to get back at Jackson. Honestly it might even be the alcohol talking for you and I don’t want you doing something like this while you’re not in the right mind. Knowing you, you’re probably wanting to do it right now because you’re vengeful and want to hurt Jackson the way he did with you, but I don’t want you to regret this—“ you placed a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth to get him to stop talking before sliding his index finger back and forth along your entrance; collecting all your juices that he caused when he pressed his hard on against your ass. 

“I want this Mark—I’ve wanted you for quite some time. I came out tonight to get fucked by a stranger so that Jackson and his infidelity no longer clouded my thoughts but now—now I want you to fuck me so hard that I can’t walk for the next week. I’m not drunk at all, I sobered up the minute I felt your erection graze my ass. You—you’re all that I want Mark. Please—fuck me.” 

You didn’t care how desperate you sounded and you felt ashamed for sounding so needy, but you’ve dreamt about having sex with Mark on numerous occasions and now your dreams were going to become a reality. 

“You don’t have to ask me twice baby girl. Lay down for me, I’m gonna make you feel so good. Gonna let you know how much I’ve been wanting this—how long I’ve been wanting you for. Gonna eat this pretty pussy of yours and then I’m gonna rearrange your guts. Understand me baby?” 

You let out a soft whimper at the term of endearment. Only then did you process his words and your heart speared at the idea of him harboring feelings for you. There were a few times that you felt Mark held some kind of feelings for you. You don’t buy a donut every single day; their favorite donut to be exact for someone you considered just a friend. You don’t stay at work for an extra hour waiting for someone you considered just a friend to finish work so that you could take them home yet Mark seemed to do that for you almost every single day. 

If his shift ended before yours did, he’d wait for you no matter how long he had to wait for just so he could take you home. You questioned his feelings for you so many times, but you kept lying yourself by saying he did all those things because he was a good friend and wanted to take care of you for Jackson’s sake. Mark placed you down gently before placing his knees on either side of your hips. He left a chaste kiss on your lips before slowly making his way down your body. He started off at your neck, licking and sucking on the soft and delicate flesh. 

You let out a breathy moan when you felt him bite down all but gently on your nape and you were sure it was going to leave a mark but you were more than excited at the thought of him giving you a hickey. After loving on your jaw and neck for a few minutes, he made his way to your breasts and kissed both of them lightly before practically yanking down the top part of your dress, exposing your beautiful mounds and he grunted when he saw that you weren’t wearing anything to protect them. 

“Fuck—do you have any clue how fucking beautiful you are y/n? And how intimidatingly sexy you are? Do you have any idea, how many eyes were on you tonight? This dress—you knew exactly what you were doing when you put this dress on tonight didn’t you baby? Mmm, you like that huh? Like me calling you baby don’t you y/n? Your tits are so fucking huge and so pretty. Who knew you were hiding such a beautiful rack under all those stupid scrubs. I’m gonna take good care of you tonight—gonna make you feel so good. Jackson will be nothing but a name by the time I’m done with you tonight. Now sit back and enjoy the ride baby.” He engulfed his mouth around one of your breasts before massaging your other one and toying with your nipple. 

The feeling of him loving on your chest was such an indescribable feeling. His mouth was warm against your perky breast and whimper fell from the back of your throat when he brought your nipple in between his teeth. He continued his ministrations for a couple of minutes, flicking and nipping at one of your nubs while twisting and pinching on the other. Your hands absentmindedly made their way in to his hair and you couldn’t help but tug on it as he fastened his movements. When you felt him groan against your mounds, probably because of the grip you had on his hair, you sighed in content. He pulled his mouth off of your breast in order to show love to your other one but not before informing you exactly how much he enjoyed sucking on your tits. 

“How does it feel for you y/n? Feel good? You like how my mouth feels sucking on these pretty titties of yours don’t you? Because I know I do. Just give me a couple of minutes to spend on your tits then I’ll make my way down to your cunt. Okay? I’m gonna take my time with you tonight—gonna show you how perfect you are and how you don’t deserve anything but the best.” 

Although the two of you were doing something so naughty, you couldn’t help but smile at his sweet words. However, when you felt his tongue licking circling around your other nipple before completely taking whatever he could fit inside of his mouth, your lips formed a small “o” at the feeling. During your relationship, you and Jackson had sex multiple times and you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t a good lover. He was great in bed. 

Not only was he rough, but he was also very naughty and always whispered the dirtiest things in your ear while he pounded himself inside of you. However, he was more focused on himself; he’d always expect a blow job every single time the two of you had sex but he never ate you out unless he was in the mood. Another thing you could do without was the fact that he only cared about whether or not he came. There was nothing wrong with him wanting to make sure he reached his orgasm, you just wished he be more adamant in wanting you to receive the same pleasure. 

The way Mark was taking his time learning each and every curve while showing love to every one of your body parts made your head spin. It was one thing for him to say you were beautiful but it was another thing for him to prove it with his actions. The longer he spent on your breasts, the faster warmth grew between your legs and as much as you loved breast play, and you loved the feeling of Mark’s mouth sucking and nipping on your chest, you needed his mouth sucking on a different body part of yours soon or else you were going to lose it. 

“M—Mark.” He pulled his mouth off before looking up at you with his cute little doe eyes. 

“Yes baby?” You reached for his hand and brought it down to your core, cupping it all but gently so he could feel just how wet your pussy was. 

“Please—touch me—eat me—fuck me with that pretty mouth of yours. Do anything Mark please—“ he giggled softly in to your neck at how submissive you were acting. How could someone sound so cute while begging for head? Even if the two of you had yet to do anything really, he knew he wanted to have you again and again. As many times as he possibly could. Thankfully Mark didn’t seem to be the teasing type; he made his way down to your thighs, pulling your dress down and taking it off completely. 

“Fuck—how can you—you can’t be real. Shit y/n, I know I’ve said this countless times already but you’re so fucking sexy.” Soft kisses and a couple of love bites were  left in his wake as he gently grazed his hands along your sides. Once he finally made his way down to your entrance, he left multiple kisses on the inside of your thighs. Absentmindedly, your hands found purchase in his hair, gripping softly when he blew a cool breeze against your core. 

“Such a pretty pussy—so so pretty—“ He took no time in licking a strip along your clit. His tongue was firm and solid as he lapped up all of your juices. Both feeling and hearing him hum against your cunt tightened the coil that was building up in your tummy. He continued his licks but didn’t take too long before he brought your clit in between his lips. The feeling of him nibbling and sucking against your nub felt like heaven. To add to your pleasure, Mark pressed a sloppy kiss at your core and leaned himself away from your cunt so he could bring two of his fingers up to your entrance. 

“Wanna feel how tight you are for me y/n—wanna see if you can handle me later—you already taste so good baby, let’s see how well you take me. I wanna see the effect my tongue is having on you.” Countless moans began falling from your throat and you could feel your eyes roll to the back of your head once you felt his fingers make their way in to your tight walls. One of your biggest weaknesses were Mark’s fingers. You always found them so long and skinny. Whenever the two of you ate lunch together, you’d take notice how pretty his fingers were as he’d write something down or whenever he played video games, you’d watch as his fingers would flick at the controllers so swiftly and you’d find yourself wanting to know what else his fingers were capable of. 

Having him scissor you open while continuing his attack on your pussy with his tongue was driving you to the brink of insanity. Whenever you’d find yourself daydreaming of what making love to Mark would feel like, you always imagined it to be an otherworldly experience and as you have his face buried in to your core, you couldn’t help but feel as if it was even more than that. His pace with shoving his fingers in and out of you was relentless. And God, the feeling of his teeth grazing against your over sensitive folds would forever be etched in to the back of your mind. 

“Mmm—Mark—so so good—I’m almost there—f—fuck.” Your wanton moans and breathy curses only drove him to go harder and you couldn’t stop the screams that filled his car. It was getting too much for you to handle and with the way Mark was grinding himself in to the chair to get any friction against his extremely hard and painful erection, you knew you weren’t the only one losing your sanity. 

“Let go for me baby.” Those five words did wonders for the burning sensation in your chest and soon you were practically seeing stars. Mark literally fucked the shit out of you with just his fingers and mouth alone. Your spine tingled with excitement at the idea of what he was capable of doing to you once he did both of you a favor and penetrated you. He looked up at you with the most adorable smile once he licked you up entirely and you couldn’t help but giggle at how he looked so adorable with your essence all over his face. 

“Come here.” You didn’t have to ask him twice; he quickly got up from off the floor and connected your lips together. His kiss was more softer this time and it gave you the chance to really take in the beautiful man hovering on top of you. After years of having an internal battle with yourself; trying to lie to yourself saying you only appreciated him because of his devastatingly good looks and how nice he was towards you and that there was no way you could possibly have any feelings for him whatsoever, you came to the conclusion that you’ve always harbored feelings for the older boy. And that says a lot seeing as how you were sure you loved Jackson with your entire being. 

When he began to grind himself against your naked sex, you broke out of your thoughts and released an erotic whimper; one that went straight to Mark’s pants. The rough material of his skinny jeans against your sensitive nub was something you weren’t used to, but it was a pleasurable soreness you couldn’t get enough of. 

“Take off your pants. Now.” If this was under different circumstances and he had the normal amount of patience he usually did, then he would’ve laughed at your impatient demeanor. He would’ve also teased you and went against everything you were asking of him just to mess with you. But since this was the first time he got to have his way with you after pursuing you for the last few years, he was just as excited as you were. Breaking away from you for a few seconds, he yanked his shirt off not caring if he were to ruin it or not and pulled his jeans off, leaving him in just his underwear. Your mouth watered at the sight of his dick imprint against his briefs and you took no time in reaching over to palm him over the thin material. Seeing him bite his lip at your touch made your cheeks warm and before you could continue your ministrations, he ripped your hand away and sat you up. 

“You’re gonna ride me like the filthy slut you are. Then you’re gonna suck on my cock. Am I clear?” There were so many times you’d find yourself wondering what Mark was like behind closed doors. You got to see him interact with patients every now and then and he was always so sweet; so patient with them. Your personalities were practically mirrored each other’s, which is why you found it hard to believe he had such a dirty mouth on him. Although you hated the idea of men degrading women, you loved hearing him say such erotic and naughty words. You nodded in agreement, closing your legs together at the thought of finally becoming one with Mark. 

Sometimes you wondered what life would’ve been like if you were to meet Mark before Jackson. Sure, the last two years with Jackson were some of the best years of your life so far, but you couldn’t stop the tiny voice in your head telling you that Mark was so much better for you. You began to worry at what was going to happen after the two of you finished your love making session. Did he really want you like he claimed he did? Or was he just having sex with you to have sex? You didn’t want to ruin your time together before it could really start and looked up at him while dragging your finger along his well defined body. How was he so ripped for a x-ray technician? When did he have the time to work on his body knowing that he worked 40 hours a week with overtime? 

“You’re so hot.” It came out a whisper, but the giggle that fell from his lips made it aware that he heard it and your cheeks grew red in embarrassment. He placed a soft kiss on your nose and placed some of your hair behind your ear so he could get a better look at you. 

“Stop being so cute. It makes it hard having all these vulgar and filthy images of what I plan on doing to you right now.” After playfully pinching your butt and a couple of stolen kisses later, he pulled off his underwear and threw it somewhere on the ground. Your breath hitched at the sight. Not only was he long, but he was also very thick and you had to take in a big gulp when you realized how he was going to vehemently stretch out your walls. Noticing your blank face, he couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong and he hated the thought of rushing you. You were his best friend’s girlfriend for God’s sake. 

This was all happening too soon. You came out tonight with vengeance on your mind and he knew it was wrong to be an accomplice; to be the one you fooled around with but he didn’t care anymore. He was aware how unethical it was to lose a friendship of over ten years for a girl he’s known for two, but you weren’t just some random girl. You were the love of his life and once the two of you were to call it a night, he was going to try and see if you were willing to take things further in your relationship.

“Everything okay y/n?” You didn’t realize that you must’ve been blanking out and you nodded quickly while flipping the two of you so that he was laying against the seat and you were on top of him. 

“You’re just—um—yeah.” He looked at you in curiosity before placing his hands on both of your ass cheeks and kneading them all but gently. 

“I’m sorry—I didn’t quite get that y/n. I’m gonna need you to speak up if you plan on sinking on my dick at all tonight. Don’t hide from me baby. I want to see the real you. The you that no one else gets to see. Be loud for me y/n.” A soft sigh fell from your lips before bringing your hand to his face and bringing his cheeks in between your fingers. 

“Your cock is huge and I can’t wait to feel it inside of me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Don’t lie, you want me to ride you just as much as I want to so even if I didn’t admit it you—“ The forceful kiss he smashed against your lips got you to stop all together. 

“I’ve wanted to fuck you the minute I’ve met you. Well—I mean I wanted to do a lot of things with you. I wanted to kiss you at the most randomest times of the day, I wanted to hold you and to be held by you. I wanted to beat you in halo and have you take out your anger from losing on me in bed. I wanted to take you out on cute little dates and have you meet my family. Everything Jackson got to do, I wanted to do it. I hated seeing the two of you be all lovey dovey knowing that I had feelings for you—have feelings for you. I still can’t believe we’re here right now and I’m just seconds away from burying myself balls deep in that tight cunt of yours. You mean a hell of a lot to me y/n. I’ll take good care of you baby—not just right now. If you’ll give me the chance—I’ll treat you the way you deserve. I’ll give you my all—everything I have. I’ll never give you a reason to question your worth. You’re so fucking perfect y/n and you’re all I could ever want—need in my life.” 

You didn’t even realize you were tearing up until he brought his fingers up to your cheek to wipe away a stray tear. He ran his thumb across your bottom lip and you playfully brought it in to your mouth, seductively sucking on it to get a rise out of him. When you first found out that Jackson was cheating on you, you were quick to blame yourself for not being good enough. You began to feel like you weren’t enough for Jackson. Not pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, sexy enough. You felt worthless and you were afraid that any man would get tired of you and move on to someone more exciting; more thrilling who did more than baking new recipes she saw on the food network and reading romantic novels in her free time. 

Mark however, in less than an hour made you feel like you were the most beautiful girl in the entire world. Like you were an ethereal goddess on this hell forsaken earth and he’s always treated you this way. It just took so long for you to finally come to that realization and now that you did, you knew that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life loving and being loved by Mark.

“Take me Mark. I’m yours.” The growl that came from the back of his throat sent you in a frenzy. For someone who had such an adorable and extremely contagious high pitched laugh, it was hard to believe that he had such a deep and raspy voice. Whenever the two of you had shifts early in the morning, you were lucky enough to hear how hoarse and rough his voice could get and it was extremely attractive. Now that it was being used in such a sensual and lustful atmosphere, you couldn’t be more turned on. 

“Wait—y/n, I don’t have a condom. Fuck—“ you gave him a smirk before taking his cock in your hand; you grazed your thumb against his slit and spread the precum around the tip before cupping his length and dragging your hand along his girth. Watching him throw his head back while biting his bottom lip in attempts to keep in his moans and grunts gave you a huge amount of confidence you didn’t think was possible. In most of your love making sessions with Jackson, you let him dominate you every single time. It wasn’t like he gave you much of a choice though; he made it aware that he never submitted to anybody. 

Seeing Mark; completely putty in your hands was a sight you’d never get over wanting to see. After giving his cock a few pumps, you lined him up at your entrance; gliding his tip along your folds to collect some of your essence from earlier as lubricant. Neither of you were prepared for the delicious stretch once you finally sank down on him. Your walls were so warm; so tight and so wet and Mark knew he wasn’t going to last long. He could come right then and there if he really wanted to but he didn’t want to seem like a loser who came in less than three minutes no matter how crazy you were driving him. 

The two of you moaned in sink and he immediately sat up; not being able to physically stay away from you. He wanted to be as close to you as he possibly could. His chest was warm against yours and the feeling of his heartbeat made you smile against his neck. 

“I’m on the pill if you’re okay with that.” He nodded quickly and smashed his lips roughly against yours. 

“You feel so fucking good—so fucking tight—I’m gonna need you to do something soon—ride me y/n. Fuck me like you hate me baby—I wanna see those tits bounce for me.” You took his arms off from your waist and shoved him back down to his previous position. As much as you loved the feeling of his arms wrapped protectively around your body, you wanted to watch his facial expressions as you bounced on him. He looked at you with so much lust in his eyes; seeing you so forceful and commanding made his dick twitch. You grabbed tightly at both of his wrists and pinned them above his head before you got off of him and sank back down. His cock was throbbing at this point and you were sure he was probably suffering not being able to do anything about it for the last hour. 

Feeling his cock glide perfectly against your tight, velvety walls was mindblowing. He began meeting your thrusts roughly, shoving himself as far as he could go in to your pussy that this position allowed him to. Mark may have been underneath you and readily allowed you to take the lead, but he was a power bottom. He couldn’t help himself; you just felt so good each and every time your ass sank down and clapped against his abdomen. Sure, he already thought you were so beautiful, but having you there with your hair a tangled messed, your otherworldly figure naked and bare, breasts bouncing, sweat building up on your body with your skin glistening and your face reacting to each and every pump of his dick against your core, Mark felt like this was when you were the most beautiful. There was nothing he loved more than hearing his name fall from your lips the rougher he thrusted himself in to you. Skin on skin slapping filled up the car and the windows began to fog. 

“M—Mark—fuck me—“ he giggled softly and cupped your cheek with his palm as you continued bouncing on him at a fleeting pace. 

“Isn’t that what I’m doing baby? Fuck y/n—you feel so good. I love being buried in this tight cunt of yours. Tell me y/n—whose making you feel so good. Whose cock is stretching you out so well huh? Fucking say it y/n.” You placed one hand on his chest while bringing the other one to wrap around his neck. He gasped at your movements and you could tell it wasn’t something he was used to, but he didn’t do anything to stop it nor did he seem like he wanted you to pull away. 

“You Mark—you. And only you. Your cock feels so good—you’re so—ugh—fucking huge—“ right as you were about to continue, a noise interrupted the two of you and you wanted to ignore it, but you knew exactly what—or who it was. 

“What is that?” You groaned before looking around for your phone. You had no clue where anything was at this point; your mind was so set on having Mark fuck the living shit out of you so you didn’t care about anything else. “Nothing, ignore it. Keep fucking me.” His hands cupped both of your breasts and playfully flicked both your nipples before continuing to massage them. Unfortunately, your phone went off again and this time, Mark grew curious as to who might have been calling. 

“Maybe you should answer it. It must be important if they’re calling a second time.” You looked towards the ground in search of your phone and rolled your eyes at the caller id. 

What perfect timing he had. “It’s Jackson.” The frown that rose upon Mark’s face made your heart sink; he didn’t understand why he was so bothered. He was the one with his dick inside of you at the moment, so what did it matter if Jackson was calling? His grimace didn’t last long when an idea immediately popped in to his head. 

“Answer it.” You looked at him in disbelief. Did he really think you were going to answer your boyfriend’s phone call while you were currently riding another man? He had to be crazy; but the devilish grin on his face said otherwise. “You heard me y/n. Answer it. Answer him while I fuck you. Let’s see how much of a good girl you really are.” It was risky, and you were afraid your cover was going to be blown as soon as you said hello. But you didn’t care anymore. If Jackson were to find out what you were doing right now and who you were doing right now, then so be it. You were already having such a hard time controlling your moans and stifled cries of pleasure, what more now while talking on the phone with your boyfriend? 

“Hey—what’s up?” Mark looked at you with an unreadable look in his eye but deep down you knew it couldn’t be good. 

“What am I doing—I—uh—I’m working out—yeah—f—fuck—hmph—sorry, there’s this one squat that’s—so fucking hard—“ he lifted you off of him in one swift motion and flipped the two of you so that you were lying on your stomach and he was hovering over your back. Out of all the positions, doggy style was his favorite. Mark couldn’t count on his hands how many times he pictured you on all fours as he fucked in to you with no mercy. He didn’t even give you any time to prepare before inserting himself back inside of you. Jackson had to be an idiot for not even thinking that you were currently fucking someone else. Your moans were that of pleasure, not pain. 

Mark’s pace was relentless; he was practically in jack rabbit mode pulling out and pushing himself inside of you at a pace that was driving you closer to the edge. He found his way in to the crook of your neck and left a few wet kisses there. 

“You—you wanna come—over? Right now? Oh, um, I’m actually really tired—FUCK—sorry I just stubbed my toe—I’ll probably take a shower and go tO BED FUCK—“ For some reason, knowing that Jackson was on the other side of the call heightened Mark’s desire to want to hurry up and reach his orgasm. Something about the fact that the two of you were so close to getting caught aroused him even more. You didn’t even have the chance to continue before Mark yanked your phone away and threw it back on the ground. If you weren’t so focused on your release, you would’ve been mad at the lack of care he had for your expensive technology. But you could feel your orgasm building up and it was all you wanted at this point. 

“He talks too much—you’re supposed to be focused on me—how do you think he’ll feel knowing that his best friend fucked his girlfriend doggy style? You like this position don’t you y/n? You like how it feels getting your back blown out. Love the feeling of your beautiful ass clapping against my navel? Love being on your knees like the dirty girl you are. I hope you know once we’re done in here, I plan on taking you back to my place and having you again. I’m never gonna get enough of you y/n. I love—I—fuck I love you so much ahhh shit—“ his creamy, warm liquid filled up your body in deep, rushed squirts. You couldn’t put in to words how full you now felt and you didn’t know if it was because he filled you to the hilt with his cum, or because he just confessed that he loved you. 

Being the insecure person that you were, you couldn’t stop the tiny voice in your head telling you that he said it in the heat of the moment. There was no way he could love you. He was Mark Tuan; one of the most popular and sought out bachelors in your entire hospital. Every nurse, receptionist and medical assistant had eyes for him and you couldn’t blame them. He was gorgeous and you were sure he could get anyone he wants; especially someone without baggage from a toxic relationship with someone he called his best friend. Mark could do so much better than you. 

Although you could tell he was tired, he continued his thrusts inside you while bringing his hand down to your clit and rubbing on it to help bring you to your orgasm. He wanted you to feel the euphoria he was feeling since you milked him dry of everything he had and rode the living hell out of him. Before you knew it, you were soon seeing stars and coming a second time that night in less than an hour. Jackson, and any one of your previous boyfriends could never get you to come even once the entire duration of your hookup. Your heart warmed at the idea of Mark wanting to make sure you were having an equally amazing time as he was. 

He was the first man who seemed genuinely interested in making sure that you were taken cared of and as selfish as it sounded, you craved to have another chance to be one with him. Once you both reached your highs, he turned you over and gently placed you down on the seat before plopping himself on top of you. Usually you would complain about how sticky and sweaty your partner was after sex, but something about Mark was different from everyone else. You wanted to be as close to him to be able to feel his heartbeat. 

The one that was practically beating against your chest like a snare drum. He leaned back to take a good look at you and stole one kiss from the corner of your mouth while brushing some stray hairs away from your face. “That’s my pretty baby. Such a good girl y/n. I can’t—that was—fuck. You are ethereal. I know I told you to fuck the life out of me but shit—I didn’t think you’d actually do it. I’m gonna need to have you at least three times a day.” 

You let out an exhausted giggle while tracing some patterns on his back. No matter how tired you were though, watching him stare at you like you were some marvel, like the person who set the solar system in the sky made you want to show him what the idea of making love to him again did to you. “Mark. I want to suck you off.” The fit of coughs that fell from the back of his throat was unexpected. In his past experiences, Mark never forced a girl to ever do something she didn’t want to do. One of his favorite parts of sex was receiving head, but he only wanted his partner to blow him if she wanted to; not because she felt like she had to. However, hearing you confidently confess that you wanted to give him a blowjob made his heart flutter and he could feel himself getting hard again. 

“God y/n, you’re too good for me. I can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth of yours.” He was quick in pulling himself out of you; the whimper that fell from your lips at the absence of him inside of you made him stifle back a laugh but seeing you sink to your knees was a sight that Mark would’ve never thought he would ever see in his 27 years of existence. You put your hair up in a makeshift ponytail and brought his dick in to the palm of your hand. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think penises were ugly. Genitals in general were extremely ugly; but something about Mark’s made your cheeks warm and your core throb. Was there nothing wrong with this man at all? It was obvious he was God’s favorite. 

You spit on the tip of his cock to lubricate him before you began pumping him from the tip of his cock down to his balls. You brought your thumb against the side of his length and slowly glided it back and forth. Then, after what felt like hours to Mark, you placed a kiss on the tip before wrapping your mouth around it. The feeling of your tongue circling against the head while you ran it in between his slit made him want to pull his hair out. You barely got to do anything and he felt like he was overstimulated. You lowered your hands to both of his balls and began fondling them while completely engulfing his dick with your mouth. You tried to take as much of him in to your mouth as you possibly could. 

His tip hit the back of your throat with each and every thrust and you could feel tears building up in your eyes. It hurt; your mouth was already opened as wide as it could possibly go and Mark lost himself in how amazing it felt. Your mouth was warm and tight; just like your cunt and he was enjoying the feeling of your teeth grazing along his veins. 

“Fuck y/n—you’re swallowing me so well. Your mouth—fuck your mouth—so warm—so wet. You look so pretty like this; with my cock down your throat. Even prettier with it buried in your soaking pussy. Do you think I could—would it be okay if—I face fuck you? Sorry baby—it’s just too much. Don’t hesitate to tell me if it hurts okay? I just—fuck I can’t wait to feel you choking on me.” He allowed you some time to prepare and to get in to a comfortable position. When you gave Mark the okay, he reached for your ponytail and gave it a light tug. 

“Wait Mark—before I start, I want to try something.” The question was on the tip of his tongue, but stopped altogether the minute he felt you bring one of his balls in to your mouth; roughly sucking and grazing it ever so softly with your teeth. You didn’t spend much time on his balls, you wanted nothing more than to feel him fuck your mouth but you wanted to show his body the same amount of love he was showing to yours. After nipping, sucking and fondling both of his balls, you brought your mouth back on to his cock and let him control the pace and tempo of his thrusts. He placed one hand on the back of your head as the other yanked at your ponytail. You could feel your jaw working pretty hard on swallowing him and you could feel saliva falling from the sides of your mouth; but the moans, animalistic grunts, and compliments of how good you were blowing him made the pain worth it. 

Not too long after you began sucking on his cock, your phone started to ring again and you had a fear that Jackson put two and two together. At this point, you didn’t give two shits if he were to find out. Matter of a fact, you wanted him to find out. You would even take a picture of Mark’s dick down your throat if you could. Even if Jackson no longer loved you, his ego would surely hurt if he were to find out you slept with his best friend and if you told him that not only was Mark more well endowed, but that he was a much better lover than Jackson could ever be. You were in shock when Mark picked your phone up with his foot and glared at him for doing so, but in even more shock when he answered the phone. 

“Hey man—it’s Mark. Y/n can’t talk right now, my cock is shoved deep down her throat and we would like it if you would stop interrupting us I’m trying to bust a nut in her mouth right now. Bye.” Your eyes widened in shock at his words; not only did he confess that you were blowing him, but he said it so nonchalantly. Like getting sucked off by your best friend’s girlfriend was something natural that happened every day. You pulled your mouth from off of him and looked at him in awe but all he did was smirk and give you a noncommittal shrug. 

“What? It was gonna come out sooner or later. Don’t act so surprised, you weren’t all that inconspicuous when you were riding this cock while talking to him. Oh you’re exercising all right—clenching your tight pussy on my cock—they call that kegel if I’m not mistaken. Now, be a good girl and take me back in to your mouth.” You playfully rolled your eyes at his command and wrapped your lips back around his cock, taking him as deep in to the back of your mouth as you could. Whatever you couldn’t fit, you wrapped your hand around and began pumping him; the sounds that fell from his lips were so heavenly. 

Never in a million years would you have ever thought you’d find yourself on the floor of Mark’s car with his dick down your throat but you weren’t complaining. He continued to thrust roughly inside of your mouth, trying his best not to hurt you too much but you just felt so good. Watching as you hollowed your cheeks as you continued bobbing your head up and down brought him so much pleasure. There was so many things he wanted to do to you and with you. Face fucking that pretty little mouth of yours was always at the top of his list and he still couldn’t believe it was happening. Feeling you choke on him as he continued ramming himself inside of you is what finally got him to break and to your delight, he released his load in your mouth. You milked him of everything he had and made sure to leave one more kiss on his tip before pulling your lips off with a loud pop. 

“Damn—Jackson really fucked up didn’t he? Fuck—you can’t be real. You suck dick like your life depends on it. I always knew you were a kinky little shit. You were made to suck my cock y/n. That was incredible—you were—wow. I can’t even tell you how much I loved that. I always knew sex with you would be an experience but I wasn’t prepared for that.” 

You let out a soft giggle, but your mind was filled with so many different thoughts. He told you he loved you while he was buried inside of you. Did he really mean it? Or was he having a mental breakdown and wasn’t able to think of what he was saying? But he also mentioned on having you again and that he’s dreamt of having you like this for a while, so that had to mean something right? 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? You’re spacing out y/n.” He reached out for you and brought you on to his lap while running his fingers along your ribcage. Mark knew you long enough to learn the meanings behind your different mannerisms and he could tell something was on your mind. He was going to make it aware that he was telling you the truth earlier. Taking care of you and your happiness was his new main priority. All he ever wanted to do was to be the main reason behind your breathtaking smile and contagious laughter. He wanted to remind you every single day of how you were the most special person in his life. No matter what this was going to do with his friendship with Jackson, he was going to let it happen. 

“Mark.” You looked up at him with curiosity in your eyes and nervousness in your chest. “You said you love me and that you wanna take care of me from now on. Did you—um—do you mean it?” You brought your attention to the ground; not quite prepared for his answer. If this was a spur of the moment kind of thing, you were screwed in more ways than one. Not only were you newly single, or at least had every intention on breaking up with Jackson now, but you didn’t want to lose your friendship with Mark. You were mad with yourself for letting your carnal urges take over, but he was allowing it to continue. He could’ve stopped you the minute you began grinding your ass against his crotch, but he made it aware that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. His lips were warm against the corner of your mouth; he began placing feather light kisses all around your face until reconnecting your lips together. 

There were times in your relationship where you no longer got butterflies from kissing Jackson and that’s when you knew there was a chance your relationship was going to go downhill. Kissing Mark however was a completely different story. Your body felt electrified. His kiss ignited a fire in your bones and you couldn’t stop wanting to kiss him. 

“I meant every single thing I said y/n. I love you—I’ve been in love with you for longer than I’d like to admit. I um—I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an asshole or a bad friend—I’ve actually been single this entire time because I’ve only ever had eyes for you. Pathetic right? I’ve been pining after my best friend’s girlfriend from the beginning of their relationship. I just—I’ve always thought the world of you. I always admired you; your determination, work ethic, your kindness, generosity, intelligence—you’re the most astounding person I’ve ever met. I knew you were out of Jackson’s league when he first introduced us to you and the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that nobody really deserved you. Not even me. I don’t know how you feel about me, but I can only hope by the mind blowing sex we just relinquished in that you have some kind of feelings for me. Even if this was a brief lapse of judgment on your part, I hope you realize that you deserve so much more than what Jackson can give you. I’m sorry for not telling you of his infidelity earlier, but I wanted him to tell. I can promise you I’m not hiding anything else from you and if you give me the chance, I’d love to be yours y/n.” His confession sent your head spinning and you didn’t think you could form the words to show him how much he meant to you and how excited you were to take things further in your relationship. Seeing that beautiful smile of yours that he loved so much light up your face made him mirror your expression and placed a soft kiss on your nose. “I’m taking that pretty smile of yours as the answer—“

“I love you too. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any feelings for you. I think I always felt something toward you and only now did I realize that it was love—I knew it was wrong to like you while I was in a relationship so that’s why I tried my best to ignore all the romantic thoughts I’d have of you. I just—I didn’t think I deserved you. You did so many things for me—things that Jackson didn’t even do for me and I couldn’t help but thinking that I was with the wrong person. Just a few months ago, I started wishing it was you whenever I kissed Jackson or whenever we had sex. Every time he held my hand or pulled me in to his embrace, I’d pretend it was you. I always felt this connection with you and sometimes I’d mention inviting you over to Jackson’s every now and then so I had an excuse to see you. You know when I found out he was cheating, I had this crazy idea of getting back at him and this naughty fantasy of fucking you in my bedroom and having him walk in on us would replay over and over in my head. I’d love to be yours Mark. It’s all I ever wanted. Things would’ve been so much better if I met you on my own in the hospital before I met Jackson, but let’s not worry about it. We’re together now, that’s all that matters. But Mark—what about Jackson?” He let out a scoff. 

“What about Jackson? Fuck him—wait don’t. I’m going to be the only man you fuck from now on. I lost all respect for him when I found out he was cheating on you. How could anyone in their right minds do such a thing to you? You’re the most flawless being in existence and his dumbass took advantage of you. Now his karma is going to suffer watching me take care of you in the ways he failed to. Maybe we should go and make that fantasy a reality right now? There are so many ways and so many places I plan on taking you in baby. You’re mine y/n and I’m going to make sure everyone in your building knows it once I’m done with you.”

[lovingmyselfcore]

Protect You

Chapter One: I Have To Guard Dain; God Save Me

The Greenbriar's have their own reality TV show. Madoc is the head security guard. A mix up requires Madoc to ask his daughters to step in and help out. Taryn refuses (the beech) but Jude and Vivi accept. Jude gets assigned to Dain Greenbriar. Working for Dain, Jude uncovers some dirty secrets involving the family and friends. She strives to uncover these secrets and above all, keep her charge safe. But threats to the Greenbriar's lead to Jude guarding the youngest. Who also happens to be the biggest pain-in-the-ass. When working for his brother, avoiding Cardan was easier (she couldn't always) but now it's impossible. Deaths of people in the Greenbriar family, infidelity, love, and above all; pain. Why couldn't Vivi's father have been a carpenter?

“Can someone help me? I can’t get these damn heels Dad wants us to wear on.” Rhyia yelled, followed by some crashing noises. My older half-sister, Vivi, and I looked at each other then at where the commotion came from.

"You're closer to her," I said, stepping back with my hands raised.

Vivi sighed and steeled her shoulders back marching down to the door marked Rhyia Greenbriar.

Vivi and I were only here at all because Vivi’s father (my adopted father) had called and asked us to look after the female Greenbriar's for a short time. Vivi and I had grudgingly marched down here from our penthouse (A gift from Eldred Greenbriar to my father, for what I’m not certain) in hoodies sweatpants, and sneakers at four am.

The Greenbriar's were the family Madoc was ‘in charge of’. They had their own reality show, and my father was the head security guard. Madoc had trained Vivi, Taryn - my twin sister - and me to defend ourselves and others from a young age. Since he got the job with the Greenbriar's we had been asked to come down at all odd hours if Madoc couldn’t get any of his employees down fast enough. Taryn always refused, besides, she lived with her fiancé anyway, but Vivi and I came down until we were relieved when the actual guards showed up.

I watched as Rhyia’s door cracked open just enough for Vivi to slip in and walked across the trailer and peeked out the window, a hand resting on the pocket I had thrown my gun - well Madoc’s gun - into.

It was a grey rainy morning, the rain drizzled down, obscuring my view of the trailer only a few hundred feet away. That was where the male Greenbriar’s were at the moment, and where I was glad I wasn’t.

At another crash, I turned away from the window and half-jogged across the trailer to Rhyia’s room. I knocked with my knuckle “Rh-Miss. Greenbriar, is everything alright? Vivi?” When I didn’t hear anything my hand tightened over the handgun. Nothing ever really happened while Vivi and I were here, so I was unsure what exactly to do. Madoc had only drilled the basics in our heads.

1) Their lives mean more than ours do, protect them

2) Shoot first, ask questions later

I knocked again, more insistent. 

“Jude?” I head Vivi call. 

I relaxed a little, “Vi, what’s happening is everything alright?”

“Oh- yeah. Rhyia keeps knocking shit over.” I heard an embarrassed laugh.

Vivi slipped out the door and I could see Rhyia making a vulgar gesture before Vi closed the door behind her.

“Can you check on Elowyn?” Vivi asked. “I’m gonna run outside real quick and call Heather.”

“Oh?”

“Shut up. You know she’s in a different timezone.” Vivi pouted. “She’s up now so I’m going to call!”

I threw up my hands. “Go for it. Just don’t blame me when Dad yells at you.”

She rolled her eyes, “My central purpose on this earth is to annoy and piss off that man as much as possible,” She shrugged, her phone already in her hand, as she walked backward towards the door. “Just doing my job.”

I turned to knock on Elowyn’s door just as Vivi poked her head back in the trailer. “Don’t think of romancing any female Greenbriar while I leave you unsupervised.” She wagged her finger.

I snorted, “I don’t want to get involved with the Greenbriar’s any more than just being Dad’s clients. So don’t worry.”

I didn’t want to spend time dissecting the look she was giving me so I looked away.

I knocked on Elowyn’s door. “Miss Greenbriar? Just checking everything’s alright?”

“Yes,” Her soft voice carried through the room. “But can you zip up my dress?”

“Of course.” I let myself into her room.

I was immediately bombarded with the over-floral scent. Elowyn’s walls were covered with paintings, local artists, famous artists, and dedicated fans who sent their own work to her. There was always classical music playing from somewhere in her room, and I wasn’t sure anybody knew where it came from. Elowyn was probably one of the nicest Greenbriar’s out there, if not the nicest. But that didn’t mean I could stand being in her room for more than ten minutes and any given time.

I went over to where she was standing and zipped her dress. She saw me in the mirror and looked at me with quickly veiled disgust. I only rolled my shoulders back, I’d stopped allowing things like that to get to me a long time ago.

She vaguely shooed me out, her acrylic nails typing vigorously on her phone.

I did not understand that woman in the slightest.

~~~~~~

My phone buzzed from my hoodie pocket and I pulled it out, seeing a text from Madoc. Vivi and I were leaning against the wall again. When I’d come out Vivi was already back inside, explaining to me, with such extreme sadness I almost laughed, ‘She couldn’t talk, she had to get to an appointment.’

“He’s almost here,” I told Vivi, typing a response and sticking my phone back in my pocket.

She moaned, closing her eyes, “That means I can go back to sleep.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

She opened an eye and looked at me, “What’s the matter, Jude?”

“What? Oh - nothing, just tired and distracted.” I lied.

She hums in acknowledgment.

“Girls!” Madoc’s booming voice echoed through my skull and we pushed off the wall to go greet him.

He kissed us both on the cheek and when Vivi went to leave he held out his hand.

“I’m so sorry, girls.”

Vivi and I exchanged looks, that couldn’t be good.

“I know you don’t have college degrees in this field. You,” He looked at me, “Are under the age of 22.” I’d turned 21 last month, but Eldred had a weird rule about his official appointments being under the age of 22. “However, we’re running low and I’m going to need to assign you a Greenbriar to look after.”

Vivi actually whimpered and I just ran a hand down my face.

“Which ones? And for how long?” Vivi asked, already resigned. 

“Vivi, I want you to look after Elowyn.”

Vivi smiled. Elowyn didn’t cause trouble and was her father’s favorite. In real life, she was most everybody’s favorite too but in the show, the watchers favored the more dramatic of the bunch.

“And Jude,” I held my breath, “I would like you to look after Dain for me.”

I released a breath and nodded. Dain. I could look after Dain. He wasn’t the worst. I’m not saying he was great either. But he was okay. 

“It’ll only be for a couple of months. Again, I’m sorry.”

“When?” Vivi asked.

“Now,” Madoc winced at Vivi’s shriek. 

“Dad,” I said, “We aren’t even dressed ‘cause we were planning on going back to bed after you got back. At least let us shower, change, and eat, and then we’ll be down here. Right,” I cut a look at Vivi who met my eyes then nodded vehemently.

Madoc considered this. “I suppose that makes sense,” He ceded.

Vivi took the win and ran with it. Literally. As soon as he said that she bolted, sprinting full force out the door, letting it slam shut behind her. I didn’t waste time either, and as I ran out of the trailer I heard Madoc’s deep chuckle behind me.

Once I was far enough away from Madoc I slowed to a walk. I heard the roar of her motorcycle, and I wondered how she’d even gotten so far away so quickly. I had a sneaking suspicion she broke time and space just so she could be home and have the hot water first. She was my ride, and she just took off. Hot water superiority, I suppose.

I breathed out a chuckle (It was still too early. I wasn’t putting that much energy into laughing) and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I stuck my earbuds in my ears and pressed play on my playlist.

I hummed along to the song as I walked home. The streets were almost completely vacant, save for a few stray cars. The early morning commute hadn’t happened yet, further proof that waking us up at this hour against our will was nothing but ungodly.

I’d reached our penthouse apartment. I sighed through my nose, ‘Penthouse apartment’ it sounded ridiculous. Why did we need a penthouse apartment? Oh right, we didn’t, but I guess it was nice.

When I got up to our apartment I was proven right. Vivi was already in the shower. I went over and banged on the bathroom door, “Don’t use all the hot water!”

I tossed my gun and phone on the kitchen island, next to Vivi’s, shucking off my hoodie and tossing it somewhere.

I slipped off my tennis shoes as I walked to my bedroom. I threw myself on my bed, taking a deep breath. I hadn’t asked Madoc how long we’d be watching the Greenbriar’s, but I knew that as long as I had to accompany Dain, I’d see my least favorite Greenbriar somewhere.

Cardan Greenbriar was the bane of my entire existence. We’d never gotten along. No. Scratch that. We detested each other. When we were in high school, we were academic enemies. Cardan always made it his job to make me feel like I, a daughter born from infidelity didn’t belong in that school. With the elite. In a way, he was right. I never felt like I fit in there. No matter how hard I fought. Things got extremely messy between me, Taryn, and Cardan and his nightmare posse. By graduation, I thought I had finished with him, despite knowing Madoc worked for Eldred. Then Madoc got promoted and started asking Vivi and I to help with whatever he needed involving the Greenbriars. And now, boom. I can’t get rid of him, but I do my best to avoid him.

I distantly heard the shower turn off and I pushed myself off the bed. Vivi emerged from the bathroom in her towel, flashing me a quick smirk before she hurried to her bedroom, “I didn’t use all the hot water!”

“Sure you didn’t!” 

“Trust me more, Jude!”

“Only when you become trustworthy!”

“Bitch!”

“Love you too, sis!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

That was how most of our conversations went, though the ‘bitch’ varied depending on the argument.

~~~~~

Once I was in the shower, water streaking down my body I really thought about what watching Dain would entail, and I started to question why I was needed at all. He had his own team, who all went by codenames, and seemed to know everything about everyone, everywhere. They already were with him everywhere, behind the cameras during every shoot. The Bomb, The Roach, and The Ghost. Nobody really knew who they were, besides Madoc. But, despite my pressing, he never revealed where he or Dain or even Eldred found them. They suddenly just appeared one day, surrounded by rumors.

I do think that I’m a pretty incredible fighter. I’m good with a gun, I box almost daily. Madoc taught me how to fence and use knives as a kid. but Dain already had the three of them. What did he need me for? Maybe he personally requested me? But that would make even less sense? I suppose I would find out soon enough. 

I turned off the shower after washing my hair and stepped out.

When I exited the bathroom I had to cross through the living room back to my bedroom.

I let out a noise somewhere between a scoff and a snort, “Really, Vivi?”

“What?” She exclaimed, her mouth full of sugary cereal.

“We watch that show happen in real-time,” I gestured to the TV where Vivi was watching reruns of Wicked Royals. “I still can’t get over that name. It’s ridiculous.” Vivi nodded absently, her eyes now refocused on the screen, where it was one of those one-person interviews. Elowyn was talking about some fight that Balekin and Dain had just gotten into.

“Anything good happening?” I joked.

She snorted, “Depends on your definition of good.”

I laughed (She knew my definition of good was definitely not that) and went into my room, leaving Vivi to her mindless watching.

I got dressed in a simple black outfit and pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail. It was boring, but it wasn’t like there was anybody I wanted to impress.

“Jude!” 

“What?” I asked, exiting my room.

She waved her phone in my face, “We gotta go.”

~~~~~~~~

When we arrived, Madoc was waiting for us. He ushered us along with quick words, “They’re filming already, so Vivi you go hang out behind the crew. Watch Elowyn, make sure nothing happens. Jude, I want you to meet Dain’s other bodyguards. Not all of them are in there because the others are with Dain, but meet them.”

He practically shoved me into Dain’s trailer and I only heard Vivi yell, “Good luck!” Before the door slammed closed.

I immediately took note of my surroundings and made a point of knowing obvious weapons and places to escape. (Comes with the territory if you live my life)

I turned to see them sitting in a makeshift circle on the floor, playing cards. Well, two of them. A woman and a man.

“I’m Jude,” I said, fighting the urge to shift uncomfortably.

They stared at me for a long time, unblinking and revealing no emotions.

Finally, the woman stood up and held her hand out, “Someday I might tell you my name,” She winked, “Call me Bomb.”

I flashed an uneasy smile at her but my eyes flicked back to the man, who also stood up and in an eerily similar fashion, offered his hand. “Roach,” His voice was gruff and it seemed like it rumbled through the trailer.

He tilted his head towards their discarded cards, “You play?”

“Depends on what it is we’re playing,” I said carefully. It seemed like the right answer if his slight nod meant anything.

“Anything,” Bomb said, “We’re just bored.”

“Why aren’t you out with Dain?” I cursed mentally. It was too bold. Too probing.

However, they didn’t seem offended by the question. “He usually only takes one of us with him and gives the others a job to do, but we don’t have anything.”

“Job?” I asked, but she didn’t respond, didn’t even acknowledge that I’d asked anything.

I was immediately on edge. I even felt my shoulders tense. Something wasn’t right here. 

“Let’s sit,” Roach said. So we sat, we formed some kind of triangular circle. I could physically feel how tightly-drawn my body was. I was like a gazelle, I had no idea whether or not a predator was about to lunge. I detested that feeling.

As Bomb collected their previous cards and shuffled Roach turned towards me, “Tell us about yourself, Jude.”

“Your Madoc’s daughter, right?” Bomb asked.

I nodded, “He took us in when we were young.”

“When did you first meet the Greenbriar's?”

I hummed, “I met them all on separate occasions. Vivi knew Rhyia since grade school, so I knew her a little less than that. I met Elowyn and Caeila next, I had tried to run away from home, but I was seven so I didn’t make it quite as long as I’d hoped. It was winter and little me was lost and freezing when they stumbled across me in an alley. I’m still not sure what they were doing there but they recognized me and handed me over to my step-mother Oriana.”

“They didn’t ask any questions?” Bomb questioned.

“Nope, nothing. Just handed me over like I was some misplaced article of clothing.”

Roach whistled under his breath and I opened my mouth to tell them about my first time meeting Balekin when somebody banged on the trailer door. Bomb and Roach spared a quick glance at each other before standing up.

Roach peeked through the peephole and let out a noise between a groan, a laugh, and a curse.

Bomb looked at him questioningly and he just responded with, “It’s the crew.”

She sighed, then gestured for me to stand up, “Dain’s going somewhere, and it’s being filmed for the show. So it’s time to see what you got, newbie.”

I followed Bomb and Roach out the door. The Ghost joined our ranks as we moved through the yard. The trailers were all in the backyard of the huge Greenbriar palace-mansion, they didn’t want the cameras capturing them before they were ready. And in their bedrooms too?? Never. 

It would have made sense to hang behind them, observe the way they moved, and the way they schooled their faces to reveal nothing. (It wasn’t hard to see how they’d warranted all the rumors) I, however, am an idiot. So I shoved my way until I was directly next to them, so when Dain’s eyes landed on me, I knew the predator had found me.

His eyes were cold but unnerving. He seemed to take in every detail about me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It sent shivers up my spine. He was waiting for this gazelle to jump.

We held eye contact for only a breath before he turned around.

I didn’t jump.

“Newbie,” Dain said, not even looking at me. “Get your,” He paused as if searching for the right word, “Compatriots, some food from craft services or something. Be useful before we leave.”

When I hesitated he snarled. “Do I have to tell you twice? I’m giving a shot at being valuable. Use it.”

The three of them looked at me, Roach’s face was the only one I could read and it seems he was saying with his eyes, “We’ve all been where you are.” Though I doubted they had, not with him. 

I balled my fists, digging my nails into my palms and pursing my lips in hopes of holding back the biting retort on the tip of my tongue. Oh, how I wanted to put this over-grown rich kid in his place. I knew I’d win in any sort of physical fight. But legally? He could destroy me. 

So, I spun on my heel and stalked off towards where I knew there would be food.

~~~~~~~

I stomped in, letting the door slam closed behind me, and banged my fist on the wall. I didn’t like him already. I hated anybody that talked to me as if they were miles above me. I hated the Greenbriar’s for their elitist attitude. I hated feeling so powerless. I hated my parents for dying. I hated Madoc for making-

“Jude Duarte, long time no see,” That voice. Despite the haze of anger in my mind, I knew that voice anywhere, that melodic lilt and seductive purr that seemed ingrained in him.

I turned around, slapping a scowl on my face, despite my urge to spill every feeling I had. Somehow, I knew there were some parts he would understand. “Carden Greenbriar, wish I could say it was a pleasure.”

He was sitting on the counter, his legs crossed in front of him. Although he was on a counter, he managed to look regal. His clothes, as always, were fashionable and worth more than my life.

He reached out with long, delicate fingers and plucked an apple out of a bowl. “Well, you could say it.” He smirked, “You’ve always been a pretty liar, Jude.” His rings and the golden highlights in his hair gleamed in the harsh, fluorescent light.

I rolled my eyes. “Thanks,” I strode forward and plucked the apple out of his hand. “And thanks for this.” I mock-saluted him with it and turned to leave, despite not completing my task, when he grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him.

“Haven’t you missed me, Jude?” I shrugged his hand off and shook my head in response. I wasn’t sure how he’d leaped off the counter so fast, but with him so close to me, I was reminded of how much taller he was.

“Come on,” He said, with an indecipherable look in his eyes. “Banter with me, my monster girl. Or have you changed that much?”

“I’m not your anything,” I spit.

“There she is.” And there was that damned smirk again.

“Do everyone a favor and rot in hell, Cardan.”

“Only if you come with me.” He bowed with a flourish and kissed my hand.

I shivered despite myself. “I’m going to heaven.”

He actually let out a laugh, “Really?”

“Probably not.” I shrugged.

“Like I said,” He grinned, “Pretty liar,” He purred again, making my toes curl in my boots.

I hated the way he made me feel. I hated the way I would think of the sharp lines of his face, and the sound of his actual laugh whenever I couldn’t fall asleep. God, I hated him.

I resisted the urge to spit in his face.

I maneuvered around him towards the rest of the snacks. “Your brother’s an ass.”

“I had no idea,” He drawled, voice dripping sarcasm.

“You’re not going to ask which one?” I slammed the fridge door closed and dumped my haul into a backpack that was sitting on the table.

“Nope. Greenbriar’s are good at being asses.”

I smiled at the definite tone in his voice. “Of course.”

I tossed the bag over my shoulder and made to leave when Cardan’s hand shot out. “Just a second, and I’ll let you get back to whatever servant’s task you were doing.”

I looked at him with such hatred I could feel it in my veins. He seemed to realize he struck a nerve and his grin could put the Cheshire cat out of business.

He held out his hand as if he wanted me to shake it. When he didn’t he let out a dramatic sigh and grabbed one of the bottles of wine that rested on a shelf near his head. 

He saluted me with it, in a similar fashion to when I’d done the same with the apple.

“Until our next tête-à-tête, darling.” And, with a wink, he was out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“The Greenbriar's suck,” Was all I said as I threw myself face-down on our couch.

Vivi threw herself on top of me with a groan of assent.

I smiled despite being smushed in the cushions, “I feel validated.”

“What was that?” Taryn asked.

I yelped and Vivi jumped up from off of me.

Taryn was standing, leaning slightly against the kitchen island. She had a small smile on her face.

“Taryn!” Vivi threw herself at my twin. 

When they separated Taryn looked at me, “Jude?” She asked softly.

I shook my head, hanging back. “Not yet,”

Taryn’s smile vanished and it looked like she was going to roll her eyes.

Vivi could sense the tension and took it upon herself to distract us, “Dad gave us jobs guarding individual Greenbriars.”

“Oh. How is that going?”

“About as well as you’d expect,” I said tightly. 

“Okay,” Vivi said, exasperated. “Sit down, both of you. Let’s catch up and act like sisters.”

I opened my mouth to argue but Vivi cut me a scathing glance and I knew I couldn’t get out of this one.

The three of us sat on the couch. Vivi, relaxed, in-between Taryn and I. Taryn and I both sat board-straight, glaring at each other.

“So,” Vivi said, moving so Taryn couldn’t stare at me anymore, “What’s been happening with you since we last talked?”

“Well, Locke-” Oh god. I tuned her out but tuned back in when they looked at me like I should have an answer to a question.

I somehow managed to talk my way out of what was happening and escaped to my room.

I was ready for bed, laying and staring at my ceiling when my brain started spiraling.

There were so many things that would be expected of me. What if I messed up and somebody got hurt? What if I couldn’t succeed and get stuck working a boring 9 to 5 office job. I loved the rush I got working where I do. I, for some godforsaken reason, excelled in dirty politics. That’s how I felt fulfilled. I got used to fighting to survive as a child and now I can’t live any other way. Is that too deep? I’m thinking too much about this.

*buzz*

Cardan: I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early my monster girl ;)

Jude: I hate you

Cardan: I hate you too darling

Jude: You’re drunk aren’t you?

Cardan: How’d you know?

Jude: You’re always drunk

Cardan: Hurtful

I rolled my eyes and turned my phone off, my eyes heavy with exhaustion.

Tag List:

@ladyofbloodandroses @foreverscreaming This is already going so far off the ‘reality show’ aspect. I’m so sorry :)

[mattbflatt-loves-starset]

The Progression of Failed Love - A STARSET Playlist

Y’all ever make a playlist before? That shit is so much fun. Using the music by your favorite artists and ordering them in such a way that portrays your own idea or story... I love it, and I’ve only just started doing it. It’s a very unique way to creatively express yourself. Now that I’ve hyped my audience up, it’s time to break all of your hearts by sharing my playlist of STARSET songs called “The Progression of Failed Love” which follows the story of a typical young couple who just couldn’t make it work. Yes I know, this is a dumb movie trope told a million times and blah blah blah, but this is my blog so deal with it ya fuckin’ dorks… of course I’m kidding, and in all seriousness, this was the most genuine playlist I was able to make. I have my own personal connection to it, and if you’ve had a relationship before, you’ll most likely find a way to connect to it. I enjoy it, and I hope you do as well.

The playlist’s first three songs in order are “Satellite”, “DIE FOR YOU”, and “Starlight”, and they encompass the honeymoon stage of a budding relationship. Let’s call these songs Act I of this story. “Satellite” to me really embodies the feeling one gets when they first fall for someone. The energy is high and all you can think about is what you would do for this individual, with lyrics that support this idea greatly:

“Satellite! Shine on me tonight!

I will be your gravity, I will stay and never leave…

My satellite! Are you here tonight?

Shine your light and set me free.

Take the darkness out of me.

Shine on me!”

The relationship hasn’t started yet, but the interest is growing like crazy. These lyrics hit hard, check out the rest of them here:

STARSET – Satellite Lyrics 

“DIE FOR YOU” is just a more intense version of “Satellite” within the context of this story, but it makes sense because this song represents when the relationship is now official. Both parties have fallen for each other, and the love is starting to run deep. The whole vibe of the song is much more intimate, with a calmer kit part (hot damn Adam Gilbert you are smart with writing your kit parts), but yet the same exact key and even a similar tempo. The songs are so similar, yet so different, and it’s really smart. Kudos to STARSET for this, and as a personal benefit, it makes the story of this playlist flow really well.

Starset - Die For You (Official Audio) 

“Starlight” is a very specific moment in time, and marks the end of the honeymoon phase. The couple is stargazing, and the sky is just beautiful. I see many colors and galaxies in the night sky when listening to this song. The only thing is, they aren’t physically together. Their lives have picked up, and while they can’t be with each other at the moment, they still love each other very much, so they stargazed on a phone call. They are sad that they have to spend less time together, but they reassure each other that they love the other person very much, and that they are inseparable. This song has a very special place in my heart, as it’s just a beautiful song that makes me think a lot. I get a little heartsick listening to it, as it makes me think about memories that are dear to me, but it fits this spot perfectly in my playlist story.

Starset - Starlight (Official Lyric Video)

The honeymoon period has now concluded and we are moving into Act II of this story, where problems arise. This act starts with the song “Telepathic”, which has a frustrating feel to me. The song is from the perspective of only one of the characters, as they feel their significant other expects them to be a mind reader and won’t share emotions by just talking about them. As I’m sure a lot of people understand, this is infuriating to deal with, as it just makes people typically want to slam their head through a fuckin’ brick wall. At the same time, this character is very easily read by their significant other, as they wear their heart on their sleeve, making it seem like their lover is… well… “Telepathic”. This brings up insecurity, and arguments ensue. The lyrics support this idea well, for example:

“But you can read my mind

I feel it all the time.

Felt it all around you…

You had me under spell right from the start

I don’t have a telepathic heart.”

STARSET – Telepathic Lyrics 

The arguments get worse as we progress into the song “FAULTLINE”. This song has a lot to do with pointing fingers and blaming, as now both lovers in this story are outright arguing with each other a lot, and over stupid shit too. They aren’t handling being apart from each other well and are having a hard time with communication due to insecurity and distance. The vibe of this song fits this mood, as it’s got a sparse but tense groove, and the accompanying guitar/synth parts are rough and a bit grungy. Out of all the songs in this playlist, this one takes 3nd place for the lyrics fitting well into the story, with such snippets as:

“First you gotta know, how to play the victim

Hate to tell ya so, but you repeat the symptoms like an aftershock

And I only wanna make it stop…”

And also:

“Caught me shaking at the site, oh

Caught me quaking in my mind, oh

You’re tripping over every fault of mine

You’re breaking open every single time

It’s never black and white, no

Going seismic out of spite, oh

I never know if it’s your fault or mine

You’re breaking open every single time

Faultline.”

STARSET - FAULTLINE (Official Audio)

 Like damn, that entire second snippet is the whole ass chorus. This song fits super well here.

The last song in Act II has some intense, even lustful feelings tied to it, this song being “PERFECT MACHINE”. The couple is desperate to make things work, as they still love each other very much but are really struggling. When they see each other, they engage constantly in what people called “hate-fucking” which ultimately solves nothing, and then fighting after they are done. Yes I know this was a WILD turn out of left field, but this is the story I envision with this playlist, very intense and potentially very real. The song I feel is the entire progression of one… erm… let’s call it a “session” of what was described above. It starts with the lustful feelings I mentioned before, then about one third of the way through the song, the entire feeling changes, becoming very angry and desperate. This song takes 2nd place for lyrics best fitting the story, with the lyrics changing from this:

“Show me your insides, show me your secrets

Show me what you desire… I can fake it”

To this:

“Even you know… even you know, this was all for nothing…”

STARSET - PERFECT MACHINE (Official Audio)

STARSET – PERFECT MACHINE Lyrics 

Again, damn bro. I relate to this part of the story the least, as I’ve never experienced something like this, but holy shit that still cuts deep.

Finally, we reach Act III of this story, the end and the aftermath. This act opens up with “Let It Die”, which is the song that marks the inevitable end of this relationship. This song talks a lot about “breathing back life” into something and I feel that marks the end of a relationship very well. The feelings have been lost and it’s very possible that at least one party has moved on, so it needs to end. There’s not much to say about this song, except the one lyric that really made this song claim its spot on this playlist:

“But you told me, if you loved me, let it die”

Starset - Let It Die (Official Audio)

The relationship is now over, and one of the characters has left the narrative. We now enter the mind of the one who was still holding on to feelings. With this, the penultimate song to this playlist is the iconic “My Demons”. This song paints the image of inner demons attacking someone, and how they once had a significant other that would save them from these demons. The song references sickness, demons, needing help, and other color words that really paint the picture of someone mourning the death of love they once had. It is one of STARSET’s most emotionally impactful songs, and every single OG STARSET fan knows this song. This part of the story is the perfect spot for this song, and though I don’t want to copy another batch of lyrics for the purpose of finishing this story, I strongly encourage you to just listen to the song and pay attention to these lyrics. They’re very audible and very emotionally charged.

Starset - My Demons (Official Music Video)

We have finally reached the end, and the song that ends this whole story is “Ricochet”, another one of STARSET’s best songs. I know what I said about not copying another batch of lyrics to this post, but this song wins 1st place for lyrics relating to the story on this playlist, because this song is literally about reflection on a failed relationship and just wanting to see the other person:

“We were one in the same,

Running like moths to the flames,

You’d hang on every word I’d say 

But now they only ricochet…

We were falling away,

You left me with a bittersweet taste,

But when I send my heart your way,

It bounces off the walls you made,

Ricochet”

COME. ON. You CANNOT tell me this isn’t the best way to conclude this really sad story. This isn’t the only set of lyrics in the song that paints this picture well, THE WHOLE SONG DOES. Back to the story, time has passed and the remaining character still misses their ex-lover. They’ve tried really hard to rebuild some sort of relationship with them, but it just didn’t work. This song is the final stage of their mourning, and while they know very deep down that it will get better, they need this time to grieve.

Starset - Ricochet (Official Music Video)

STARSET – Ricochet Lyrics

I don't relate to this entire story, but it was sure as hell fun to write. I apologize for any emotional pain that I have caused during the telling of this story, but this is what came to mind when I was creating the playlist. You’re a real one if you made it to the end, this being my longest post yet. I really hope you enjoyed.

Links Used (In Order):

https://genius.com/Starset-satellite-lyrics 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJxSNbAer9M 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tiCEp3K3Rs 

https://genius.com/Starset-telepathic-lyrics 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfqVlwetWfY 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keMBtyjYUPQ 

https://genius.com/Starset-perfect-machine-lyrics 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJtBYAKBByk 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkll0StZJLA 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC0YVaIMno

https://genius.com/Starset-ricochet-lyrics

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again

the last fuckin one of the year. i posted one of these almost every week. you can find all 50 posts @tuesday-again and every tuesday again song on this spotify playlist. 

listening fictional aisle, by tall boy special. this is nonsensical and delightful. i don’t know that it’s particularly well produced or that the music video is especially good but it’s a song that does what it says on the tin. 

reading high crimes by christopher sebela. good premise! disgraced former snowboarding champ now moonlights as a grave robber when she’s guiding rich tourists up everest! stumbles across a dead spy! mystery unravels in a disappointing way and the ending made me yell OH COME ON so loud the dog upstairs barked in alarm!

i do appreciate how the male author and the male artist gave me a sort of fucked up woman who is not sexy at all in her breakdown(s) and there aren’t any weird Hurt but Sexy panels even though she does have full mascara and falsies on in every closeup. they drank like three quarters of their glass of respect women juice

watching the thing (1982, dir. Carpenter). every year i watch a non-traditional christmas movie bc honestly fuck this holiday. i have not seen this since high school when i was trying to impress someone. it is understandable why it was not a hit at first, bc the pacing is fucked and this movie expects me to tell twelve (a full dozen!) scruffy men apart. i could not tell you the timeline of infection or who infected who based on one viewing.

i think it only gets actually tense when it’s an interpersonal thriller- when everyone’s super paranoid and trying to figure out who is infected based on??? idk??? vibes??? interpersonal bullshit before they figure the blood test out??? it’s a solid movie. i think it would be a much more interesting weird short experimental film and it doesn’t really need to be two hours. or if it does give me more of everyone slowly turning on each other and factions forming. 

also, the last time i saw this i had not played fallout 4 (because it wasn’t out) and i had to pause the movie and sigh deeply at the introduction of kurt russell as rj macready. bethany esda could have a made an interesting parallel with the synths or done ANYTHING with it other than going “oh cool name we’re big john carpenter fans bc people seem to like him??? don’t you like all the REFERENCES to OTHER BETTER MEDIA in OUR PIECE OF MEDIA???” but ALAS.

idk if i’m ever going to watch it again but i appreciate what it’s trying to do and its use of practical effects. also more movies should have flamethrowers for no particular reason. i think kurt russell did a good job trying to save the planet

playing three different open world games

genshin impact, the game i actually want to play and am enjoying although the current event is stressing me out a little bit

the redder deader redemption, the game i really need to learn to use a controller for and is stressing me out in a different way bc i already know i will pour several hundred hours of my life into it when i could be doing things like replaying fallout to tighten up my fic more. this is probably the one most likely to get shoved to the back burner for later.

and monster hunter, my best friend’s favorite game, bc nothing would make her happier than being able to play it with me and yanno what this is the least i can fucking do for her even though this is not a flavor of game i tend to enjoy (trial-and-error learn how to beat difficult bosses, lots of prepwork and nesting menus, the same reasons i will never play bloodborne or dark souls)

also, thinking about video games all day at work makes me want to play them less. which makes sense but is still disappointing

making made a thing, framed it, framed two other things. not generally a fan of framing things in hoops yet here we are

top left: sewed a little felt strip on the back of the previously-featured scorpio piece so it hangs properly on my wall

bottom left: pattern from @roachpatrol , a line from the Imperial Radch trilogy. this 40x40 tiny thing took just under five hours start-to-finish not counting washing & drying time (stitching, backstitching, all the fiddly bits involved with framing) while i caught up on waypoint radio

right: this was a christmas gift from my sister that came rolled up in a little packet. i don’t have enough felt to properly back it but it is washed, hooped, and i cut the circles of matboard and batting to keep it from collapsing in on itself over time. i don’t know if i want to put it in my bathroom, bc that’s where my washer and dryer live and everything gets linty and weird real fast. maybe the outside of the door

[high-five-of-teenager-trashblog]

Discography Discussion: We Hate All Kinds of Violence

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you probably know quite a bit about H.O.T. I assume you have a favorite member. I bet you’ve heard tracks like “I-Yah” and “Hope”. But I haven’t really discussed the start of H.O.T in depth, nor the discography of their first album. After making you wait so long, let’s talk about how this influential group began.

Before H.O.T

In order to understand why H.O.T was created, we’ve got to understand Korean history.

(Note: As this blog is about one group and the point of this post is to talk about one album, I am leaving out a lot of notable events and people to give you a basic summary of what led to H.O.T.)

Up until 1988, South Korea had been constantly under oppressive political regimes. This oppression extended to music, which limited who could sing and what songs would be allowed to the masses. 1988 is a very important year in Korean history because that was when the country opened itself to the world and hosted the 1988 Seoul Olympics in Jamsil, Seoul. Through various political, economic, and technological changes, Korea was gradually transforming into what it is now. However, music was still largely either patriotic tunes or shallow love songs.

You know what came next. In the spring of 1992 Seo Taiji and Boys debuted. They had mass appeal among young people in Korea because they made music directed to people in Korea that was about their problems. Even though there was management involved with the group, it was entirely under the control of Seo Taiji - not some executive who dictated what the group could say and do. Also, they were not the first group in Korea to use rock music or rap, but the way Seo Taiji combined different genres and styles was very different - and very appealing. Bland dance and pop music produced by large broadcasting companies weren’t going to cut it anymore.

Generally speaking, whenever there is some kind of innovation, businesses and investors crop up looking to make a profit. The Korean music industry is no different. The rise of Seo Taiji and Boys created this essential question: Could a company recreate Seo Taiji and Boys?

The answer came in 1996.

H.O.T Pre-Debut

Before SM Entertainment, there was SM Studio. It was Lee Sooman’s first serious venture into starting a music company. In 1990, Hyun Jinyoung debuted as the first artist in the company and led to the start of several careers. Lee Sooman eventually signed on other artists, such as Yoo Youngjin in 1993.

However, Lee Sooman had seen the Japanese system of training idols and wanted to adapt that for Korea. Some things came out of this and became standardized in K-Pop (to some extent), such as idols of the same group living together and going through training for a period of time. This also changed how artists were managed and signed on. It went from being like MGM during Hollywood’s Golden Age to the “factory” idea we know now.

The first idols (and lab rats) for this were H.O.T. Kangta was the first to be recruited for his voice when Lee Sooman heard him sing at Lotte World. Heejun was asked to audition due to his ability to dance, sing, and write music. Woohyuk passed his audition as he was also a talented dancing. Jaewon’s recruitment isn’t well-known other than that he gained points for his visual appeal, however, sometimes people make claims that he was previously friends with Heejun and yet aren’t able to provide credible sources (at least that I’m aware of). Tony, however, auditioned with his friend Andy in LA and was voted in by the other four members. Lee Sooman has said that Tony didn’t have much going for him, but he recruited him because he thought the teenager would work hard. Together, these five were everything the public wanted.

Before H.O.T debuted, they were seen in public. Heejun and Kangta were dancers for Yoo Youngjin, and Jaewon and Woohyuk joined them later (I’m not sure if Tony did, however, considering how late he joined). The group even performed their debut song at a festival at Heejun’s high school. They were generating hype and ready to begin.

The We Hate All Kinds of Violence Album

 H.O.T debuted on Sept. 7th, 1996. Their first album was called We Hate All Kinds of Violence. The cover art shows a person sitting on a step with their head in their arms in a way that usually denotes sadness or despair while wearing uniform with a hat that says “Workers”. The combination of group name, album title, and album artwork set the tone of the album at a glance as being geared towards teenagers. This was a smart move on SM’s part. Seo Taiji and Boys had disbanded earlier that year, so there was a void in the music industry that needed to be filled, and H.O.T seemed to fit the bill for a lot of young people in Korea.

Warrior’s Descendant

Their debut track was “Warrior’s Descendant”. Just hearing that title tends to interest people even before they hear the actual song. It gives off the impression that the song is about someone who has a fighting spirit like their ancestors, even if they themselves aren’t soldiers.

Lyrics (DISCLAIMER FOR THIS SECTION: TW: BULLYING)

The lyrics themselves are about bullying. The opening words are, “Ah~ Why are you hitting me?” (Lyrics Source) From there the lyrics are presented as though by the victim themselves asking why they’re being beaten up. Parts of the song seem to indicate that this isn’t a one-off thing, it’s something that’s been going on for a long time:

You changed me without a guilt You hit me Once we were friends You ruined me

I was beaten like a stupid idiot I lost everything and was roaming around Now with sounds of punch, steal and breaths My heart was torn already because of my lost friends

However, this person seems to believe that someone will save them and that this won’t go on forever.

It's time to stop, The violence, hate, and all the mess, It's about time someone should stand for what is right, That is right

Now I want my future that I've been dreaming of I think of everything can be back as it was before I trusted you I trust you once more Save me Someone someone can

Unfortunately, the song ends with the realization that no one is going save them. That someone can save them, but no one does.

Someone someone can,someone someone can, That I know it, That I know it, That I know it, Can Can That I know it, Someone someone someone someone someone can, someone can, someone can, someone can can can can can, But I know it won't happen, Now I give up everything; I have because of you. They ruined me, They took it all even my last hope You became my enemy and now I give you up They ruined me, They took it all even my last hope. I look for the hope; It's nowhere Now I'm gonna punish myself.....

The worst part of this is that the victim seems to be blaming themselves. They seem to think that they were at fault so they are going to give up. The last line itself, “Now I’m gonna punish myself” is especially troubling.

While you might have been hoping there would be a happy ending, this song wasn’t meant to have one. For a debut song that was supposed to target teenagers, this was a perfect introduction. Bullying is common everywhere, but it’s especially bad in Korea. If you’ve been a fan of K-Pop or K-Dramas for a while, you’ve probably heard a lot about this.

I think the reason why the song ends on a hopeless tone is because the song verbalized what a lot of kids and teenagers in that position probably feel like. Considering how many people follow this blog, I assume that at least one person reading this has been (or is currently being) bullied, so these words probably resonate with you.

And that is the point of “Warrior’s Descendant”, as it targets two groups of people. The first group of people are the ones being bullied, as it tells their point of view. The second group are the bystanders, as it calls them out for not doing anything about it. It calls for these two groups of people to look at each other and see that this isn’t just something that happens, bullying is a choice. The point of the lyrics is to tell people who are bullied that what they’re going through isn’t right, and to tell people to stop being a bystander and do something. This song was a call to action.

Also, the beginning of this song tends to get used in variety shows. However, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it used to match up with the context of the lyrics. Next time you hear this song somewhere, you might want to take note of the feeling the song brings to the situation it’s used for.

(End of bullying discussion)

This was actually the first song Yoo Youngjin produced, and led to his long and successful career with composing and producing music at SM Entertainment.

The MV

The music video itself shows a story between cutting to H.O.T singing and dancing. The MV opens with a teenage boy looking up while bloody, then cuts to people walking away from him - great hook. It quickly cuts to the night before when the guy was walking with a girl while carrying his violin case. Three guys around his age come and beat him up, and then go after the girl. When the guy sees the girl being targeted, he gets up to fight them off of her and she tries to defend him as well. It ends with the teenager bloody in the daylight with his broken violin. Maybe it’s just me reading into things, but it looks like the guy got beat up in the alley and then possibly got dragged to a school due to the building in the background.

It also has a very 90s style to it. Their outfits were purchased by the members themselves - I don’t know if SM had a stylist who told them what to get or if they were just given free reign, but they did have to pay for them. In addition to the outfits, there were some hallmarks of the time period in the music video, such as graffiti, which was a very popular aesthetic in the 90s and can also be seen in Turbo’s “Black Cat” MV.

Also, even though I haven’t heard anyone else agree with me on this, I personally feel like “Warrior’s Descendant” sounds like “Come Back Home” by Seo Taiji and Boys due to the vocals, instrumental, and tone. Considering that H.O.T was largely created as a response to Seo Taiji and Boys, I think it’s quite possible that recalling the other group was intentional.

However, “Warrior’s Descendant” is simultaneously where Seo Taiji and Boys ends and H.O.T begins.

Candy

Does this song really need an introduction? Probably not, so I’m just going to jump into it. This is H.O.T’s most well-known song and is beloved by many people even years later. It was also their golden ticket and get-out-of-jail-free card throughout their time promoting together.

MV

This music video is iconic for so many reasons.

First up, the location is perfect for such a bright song. It was filmed at Lotte World in Jamsil, Seoul.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “Jamsil? I’ve heard of that place before” and you would be correct! That’s where the 1988 Seoul Olympic Games took place, and it’s also a huge part of H.O.T’s history. They had their 918 concert there in 1999, their last concert there in 2001, and their reunion concerts have been there because of the 2001 concert as well.

As for Lotte World itself, it’s one of the major theme parks in South Korea. H.O.T filmed in front of the famous merry-go-round and various other sites around the park. Fun fact: this is also where the drama “Stairway to Heaven” was filmed at.

When I was in Korea, I visited Jamsil quite a few times and it was one of my favorite places. You have no idea how excited I was when I went to the Olympic Park and saw the stadium in person. I also got the chance to visit Lotte World and ride on the merry-go-round, as well as walk on the outdoor bridge they danced on. If you’re an H.O.T fan, I highly recommend going there.

Choreography

The dance for this song is very iconic because it’s bouncy and fun. When I say bouncy, I mean that literally considering as Heejun’s favorite dance move involves him bouncing on the ground.

Trademark Colors

If you’ve been a fan of K-Pop for a while, you probably know that a lot of groups have their own color. The first group that had an official fan color (to my knowledge) was Seo Taiji and Boys, and their color was yellow. However, colors became more of a big deal for K-Pop groups because of H.O.T.

H.O.T’s official color is white, which is why you tend to see them wear white suits and their light stick is white. However, they also have an official color for each member. Heejun is yellow, Woohyuk is blue, Tony is red, Kangta is green, and Jaewon is orange. If you see merch of the group, you’ll often see these colors being heavily associated with each member, and you’ll often see fans cheering with their individual color as well as white.

These colors helped the public to easily identify who was who when they were rookies.

They also had different accessories. Woohyuk had his floppy hat with eyeballs attached to it - that can be seen on that light stick he teased. Kangta had a bag. Tony had a hat. Jaewon had earmuffs - which was a win because it was getting to be cold when this track was released. Heejun, however, had a visor which he hated due to it not keeping him warm in the winter, nor cool in the summer. Their fluffy outfits also endeared them to the public because of how cute they were.

Lyrics

So now that we’ve talked about all the visuals, let’s talk about what “Candy” itself is about. First off, the lyrics to this song are so painfully 90s and cheesy. The story is this: a guy plans on going on break (or breaking up) with his girlfriend because he realizes he’s not the best boyfriend and their relationship isn’t doing great. He literally decides that suddenly when he wakes up in the morning - you can’t make this up.

To be honest with you I want to see you today to talk about us to tell you that I need some space Please understand me I’m telling you that it was a difficult decision Actually, I thought of it this morning

He admits that it’s something he needs to work on and says:

I will need to change myself Without your knowing it I’ve compared you to other girls

There’s a part of the lyrics that are very angsty and dramatic.

When I dream about us each time the dream would vanish and I am left by myself Crying so pathetic stuck in this position I decided I’m leaving you! I’m leaving you! Although I still love you I will leave I will forget and stop loving you As I look to the sky above me I told myself I must keep my heart cold towards you

However, he eventually realizes that even though their relationship needs work, he loves her and actually doesn’t want to be apart from her.

I love only you I said this to you All that I had prepared to say turned backwards I’ll always be by your side

It finishes up with Kangta saying this:

I’ll always be by your side You’ll never be alone again I’m here next to you

The conclusion the songs comes to is this: There can be problems with your relationship, but if you really love them and want to stay with them, you need to communicate and work on making your relationship better.

Also, don’t make huge decisions rashly - I think that should be the big takeaway from this.

Like “Warrior’s Descendant”, this song is also used on variety shows quite a bit. I’ve even heard it called, “The Perfect Song for Valentine’s Day”. Considering the context of this song is essentially about a breakup (until the end), I have my doubts when it’s used on broadcasts that are trying to hype up a love line.

(Lyrics Source)

The Candy Consequence

Earlier I mentioned that “Candy” was their golden ticket. Now that you understand the song itself, let’s talk about why it is that way.

“Warrior’s Descendant” was very serious and geared towards teenagers. “Candy”, however, took their popularity and gave H.O.T a family-friendly reputation. It was the perfect combination of cute guys, a sweet song, and iconic visuals that helped the general public to differentiate them from other groups at the time.

While Seo Taiji and Boys were massively popular with Korea’s youth, they were often thought of as being rebellious, especially since they famously criticized various aspects of Korea - such as the education system.

If you’ve read my other Discography Discussions, you’re well-aware of what H.O.T has done over the years. However, unlike Seo Taiji and Boys, they weren’t as censored or thought of as being nearly as problematic. Why? Look no further than “Candy”.

The popularity “Candy” has is two-sided. On one side, it’s annoying because people (especially newer or international fans) tend to associate them with it, instead of the rest of their discography. On the other side, because people associate them with it first, they tend to be more forgiving (and ignorant >.>) whenever H.O.T released tracks that were full of profanity or violence.

While “Candy” is quite different from most of their other popular tracks, it was the one that allowed H.O.T to rise to heights no one had been expecting.

Other Tracks of Interest

You’re Fast, I’m Slow - This tends to be one of those songs that H.O.T fans know because it gets used in compilations and as background music. The lyrics themselves are about a girl hitting on a guy and trying to make their relationship go at a faster pace than what he’s ready for. He’s asking her to slow down so that they can have a good relationship. They’re just friends, but the girl clearly wants to be more.

A day or two has passed and you've changed too much You kept catching me off guard with your "non-PG" questions You teased me, saying that I didn't have any courage and I was such a boring guy

And before y’all ask, yes, he’s into her. Warning: Explicit

But you don't know my heart I want all of you Don't rush it too much I want to show you my heart slowly

I want to have you, Something that I've deeply wanted If you give me another chance, I'll take you tonight

I'll make you feel real good Even make you groan & moan like I know you should

Remember how I said “Candy” allowed them to get away with more explicit stuff? “You’re Fast, I’m Slow” is Exhibit A. Yoo Youngjin is too obvious sometimes.

(Lyric Source)

Your Image in the Sunset - This is basically your standard breakup song. I’m just pointing it out because I love the instrumental and how this song sounds, tbh. It really gives off a 90s feeling.

Another Stressful Day - This song is about a guy who has a hangover and has to get to work. The kicker is that the members were too young to legally drink when this came out. Considering that the guy on the cover is wearing a work uniform, it is possible that true context of the image is that he is hungover, not upset due to some violent circumstance.

The Age of Individual Characteristic - This song has a great message about self love and not judging people by their appearances alone.

just because you think you're ugly, don’t just sit at home staring into a mirror, accept a new change - find a unique characteristic about yourself..

please, don’t let love follow changing fashion.. don’t let it change.. a male wearing tight short shorts with long hair and a female wearing torn long jeans with a 'sports cut' hair.. lets help each others individual characteristics prevail..

(Lyrics Source)

About Women - This is the final track on the album. It’s basically H.O.T saying that they don’t understand women, but they respect them. It starts out with talking about stereotypes men have for women, and then goes into arguing about it. However, these are the parting words H.O.T concludes the track and the album with:

Women sometimes make our lives hard and confusing, but we have to remember they're not toys, They're not toys but real deep beings... 

(Lyrics Source)

Conclusion

We Hate All Kinds of Violence was an excellent start for H.O.T’s career and a new era of Korean music. It was an album for teenagers by teenagers. Although a lot of their work has been forgotten over the years, it is certainly an important artifact that waits to be discovered by those it speaks to.

Where to listen to the album: iTunes Spotify

[hopes4gf]

Thievery and Mischief- (a descendants/marvel crossover)

After the tour, I decide to pay a little visit to my friends at Auradon Prep, Tia and Tavian, my favorite twins from Louisiana and drama club captains.

”Yo, Adri! What’s up?” Tavian says.

”Long time no see, how y’all doing?” I ask.

”Good now that there’s some peace and quiet,” Tia says, looking up towards the top of the stage.

”Not my fault you guys are so boring,” A voice says from the rafters.

I look up and see a guy with large wings, almost like a bird’s.

He stares at me, his eyes widening and suddenly he swoops down. 

“Holy crap, you’re Adri Ababwa. I’m a big fan,” The guy says now standing in front of me.

”Nice wings man,” I say.

”Thanks, I grew them myself. Mutant powers y’know?” Angel says.

”Mutants?” I ask.

”My dad is a fairy, my mom is a sorceress. I’m Angel, by the way,” He says.

”Angel...by any chance are you the Bell twins’ cousin?” I ask.

He nods.

”They talk about you all the time, I see why now,” I say.

”It’s rare to see mutants in families. Some have wings, have claws in their hands, can shapeshift, that’s probably why I look up to you,” Angel says.

”Cause I can shapeshift into a tiger?” I ask.

”Exactly,” Angel says.

Tia and Tavian stare at us confusedly.

”Power talk,” I say.

The bell rings and the twins collect their things.

”Ooh, Tia! When’s the next time your mom can make me some of her famous gumbo?” I ask.

”If you come with me now, we can stop by her restaurant,” Tia says.

I turn to Angel.

”Wanna come?” I ask.

”Sure,” Angel says.

————

After meeting Angel, I learned some things about mutants and their abilities. This lesson was pretty enlightening and made me feel like I wasn't alone with my curse.

Later, I get a call from a number I don't recognize while walking through the gardens. I pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I say through the phone.

"Hey, Adri. It's been a while," A familiar voice says through the phone.

I recognize the voice to be Stefani, or Lady Gaga through the phone.

"Oh my gosh, Stefani! It's such an honor to talk to you again," I say happily. 

I sit under the usual gossip tree to take the call.

"I know. Anyways, darling, I have a little project for you. You're someone who I love and hold dear as an artist, so I want to collaborate with you on a couple of songs for a movie I'm producing a soundtrack for," Stefani says.

"You want to collaborate with me for a motion picture soundtrack?" I ask.

"Mark Ronson is also gonna help and a couple of people from my team too. I was also looking in the credits for your album and I saw your boyfriend did the mixing for a couple of songs. I was hoping you and him might want to tag along on this," Stefani adds.

"I'm sure he would e happy to, but for now all I can say is yes to you on my own behalf. I would absolutely love to," I say with a smile.

"Great! I'll text you meeting details on Friday," Stefani says.

"Great!" I say.

I hang up the phone and giggle. I feel like screaming for joy. So many great things are happening! I guess that's what happens when you hit rock-bottom, you only go up from there. And now, everything is looking up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk to the gym where I find Jay with Lonnie and the rest of the fencing team.

”Take a break, boys!” Lonnie says, blowing her new captain’s whistle.

Jay spots me by the doors and walks over with a smile on his face.

”Hey, babe,” He greets.

Before he can kiss me, I put my finger over his lips.

”We have songs to write for Gaga,” I say with a smile.

Jay’s smile drops.

”Gaga? As in, Lady Gaga? Grammy award winner, Gaga?” Jay asks.

”She just called me and she wants us to write her songs for a movie,” I say.

Jay smiles widely and lifts me of the ground, hugging me tightly. 

“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me sooner? That’s great! What if we win as Oscar or a Grammy or even a Teen choice award? I’m so proud of you,” Jay rants.

I laugh at his reaction to the news.

”Why is Jay smiling like that?” Lonnie asks, coming up to us.

”We get to write music for Lady Gaga,” Jay says proudly.

Lonnie’s jaw drops.

”Congratulations! You deserve it for making such good songs for her album,” Lonnie says, patting Jay’s shoulder.

”Nah, the real mastermind is Adri. Her lyrics and her voice made the songs much more beautiful,” Jay says.

I blush softly and punch his arm shyly.

”Shut up,” I mutter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Jay’s practice, we follow Lonnie to Coach Jenkin’s office.

”There's my favorite captains!” Coach says.

“Oh shush, we know we’re good,” I say with a smirk.

I first bump Lonnie.

”Speaking of Captains, I got word of your schedule changes,” He says, pointing to me and Jay.

”Even though these changes have been made, I still think you’d be able to advise your teams. Especially you, Jay, since Ben is out of action,” Coach explains.

”Are you promoting me?” Jay asks.

”I’m making you Captain of the Tourney team, Jay,” Coach says.

Jay’s jaw drops.

”No way,” Jay says in shock.

“Looks like things are looking up, JJ,” I say with a smile.

Jay’s mouth morphs into a smirk.

”Damn right,” He says.

Coach gives us a soft smile.

”You guys can celebrate or something, but on Monday, I expect you all to adjust,” Coach says.

”Yeah,” We all agree.

Suddenly, the announcements go off.

”Adri Ababwa, please report to Fairy Godmother’s office,” The announcement says.

”Did you get your skateboard taken again?” Jay asks.

”How many times are you gonna get that thing confiscated?” Lonnie asks, rolling her eyes.

”It’s in my locker, chill. I have no idea,” I say, getting up from my seat.

I walk through the door and walk to the office.

I walk into the headmistress’s office and I see Mal and Ben with Fairy Godmother.

”Long time no see,” I say to Ben and Mal.

”Glad you’re here,” Ben says, hugging me.

”We called you here because Mal has a proposal for you,” Fairy Godmother explains.

“Rogers stepped down from his position,” Mal says.

My smile fades. Steve Rogers? Family friend, Avengers, Steve?

”Steve stepped down from Captain? Why?” I ask.

“He and Tony had a dispute after Voltron in Germany. I’ve tried to keep a temporary position since Uma came into the Isle, but we need more troops. I think you’d be the best for it because of your powers and experience. And plus, you're already trusted on the court,” Mal explains.

”Mal, I’d be honored to. But I have to find a way to fit it into my schedule. The only free time I have is around now,” I say.

”So, then you can clock in at 5 and finish at 8,” Ben says.

”It's an intensive training role. You’d pick up recruits, train them, and go to the dungeons,” Ben says.

”Not bad,” I think.

”Fine, I’ll do it,” I say.

”Thank you so much,” Mal says with a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the base of operations and spot a familiar face. Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend, and newest Avenger.

”Hey, metal arm,” I joke.

”Thank god you’re here,” Bucky says, spotting me.

He gives me a side hug.

”What the hell is wrong with Steve?” I ask him.

”Steve doesn’t agree with the new laws set by Rhodes and the Marshall. Since Sokovia, they wanna add restrictions on our powers because of the explosion and because of that telekinesis girl,” Bucky says.

”I mean they did destroy the city too,” I mention.

”The reason for Tony’s nightmares,” Bucky recalls.

”He has nightmares?” I ask.

”Yeah, if Loki ever comes back, he’ll have a malfunction,” Bucky says.

”Let’s hope that his arc reactor surgery saves him,” I say.

Bucky laughs, remembering he doesn’t have a heart.

”Anyways, let me show you around. So, this is the center of the base, here we have our tanks, our fake grenades, our armory, and training center,” Bucky explains.

”And the troops?” I ask.

”I think that’s your job to cause the first commotion,” Bucky says, handing me a grenade.

”Watch this, grandpa,” I say, taking the grenade from his hands. 

I toss the grenade into a group of guys.

They all huddle near the grenade trying to cover it and push each other away.

”Hey! What the hell are you sons if bitches doing? If you see an enemy grenade, you take cover!” I yell.

”The hell is this bitch?” One of the guys asks.

”Bitch? I’m not anyone’s bitch, and for the record, I’m your new Captain,” I say.

The troops all mutter and scoff at each other.

”Go home, kid! You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re gonna train us,” Another guy says.

”What’re your names?” I ask the guys.

They both look at me like I’m dumb.

”I’m Jack. This is Lio,” Jack says.

”I’m promoting you,” I say.

They both look at each other in shock.

”Both of you are now my Lieutenants. You’re gonna spend the majority of training by my side. Whoever are Lieutenants, you’re demoted. If there’s anything I know about being a soldier, you’d fight any fight or anyone to make it to the top. As I train each of you, you must be following my direct orders only. I will watch you all carefully and see if any of you demonstrate proper soldiers' skills. That will determine if you are my second in command. New recruits will all be promoted in place of older ones. As long as you keep up with your task, you’re safe. Any bullshit, you’re out, understand?” I say.

”Yes ma’am,” The Troops say.

I grab a sword from a barrel and I throw it at Lio.

”Get to work,” I order.

The troops go to their assigned positions and Lio and Jack come towards me.

”Who the hell are y-“ Lío starts.

”Bro, that's Adri Ababwa,” Jack explains.

”The artist?” Lio asks.

“Yeah, I’m a huge fan and I’m so fucking sorry about the way I acted earlier,” Jack apologizes.

”It’s fine, I don’t take shit personally. At least anymore,” I say.

”Bruh, you called her a bitch,” Lio comments.

”Shut up,” Jack mutters.

”Listen, I can already tell you two are friends. So please make this easy for me and shut the fuck up and listen,” I say honestly.

”You know you remind me a lot of Rogers,” Jack says.

”We’re friends,” I say.

”You’re friends with Steve Rogers?” Lio asks.

”Yes, now listen up. We’re gonna do some tactical work. You’re gonna go through the grass here with your rifles, your gonna shoot three birds and bring them to me. Got it?” I order.

”Yes ma’am,” They say.

They then pick up their rifles and crouch through the grass.

They miss every shot when birds pass by. One of them lands on Lio’s head and he coos the bird. I roll my eyes at his action. Then, Jack shoots two birds at once. My eyes widen at his shot. They fall into the grass and he picks them up. Lio shoots a bird and it falls slowly.

”That's one big bird,” Lio comments. 

As it falls to the ground I notice it’s not a bird. 

“Are fucking stupid? That’s a human, not a bird!” Jack shouts. 

I run quickly under the person and they fall in my arms.

”Angel? Jesus, are you okay?” I realize.

The metal winged man winces in pain. I realize his hip is bleeding.

”Lio, what the hell is wrong with you? You shot him in the ribs,” I say.

I place him in the grass and reach for Jack’s medkit. He hands it to me and I open it up. I take a pair of tweezers and some alcohol.

”Sit still,” I advise.

I pry the bullet from his hip slowly and Angel grits his teeth from the pain. The bullet comes out cleanly and I put alcohol on the wound and wrap it up.

”Can you fly?” I ask him.

”Sure,” Angel says.

He uses his wings to fly up straight.

”Now who the fuck mistook me for a hunting duck?” Angel asks.

Jack points to Lio.

”Come on, man,” Lío says exasperatedly to Jack.

”Terrible shot,” Angel comments.

Then he takes the gun from Lio’s hand and shoots a bird. The shot is clean and the bird falls quickly to the grass.

”That's how you shoot,” Angel says, picking up the bird from the grass.

He’s good. And he’s got those wings too. 

“Hey, Angel? You got anything to do after school?” I ask him.

”No,” He scoffs.

”Would you be interested in being a troop?” I ask him.

”What?” Lio and Jack ask.

”Well, I’ve got nothing else to do,” Angel says.

I smirk and pat his shoulder.

Later, I give Angel his new uniform and make him another Lieutenant. We continue tactical shooting until sunset.

I then search the premises of the base and look at the other troops. They whisper and smirk as I pass by. Some troops, practice grenade launching, shooting positions, fencing. I think to myself:

”Maybe this is something Jay would be interested in hearing.”

I smirk to myself as I think about how successful Jay has been so far in his time in Auradon. I walk into the training center and spot Bucky talking to a troop.

”Hey, how was your first day?” Bucky asks.

”Could’ve been better, but it means progress,” I say with a soft smile.

”Good to know you’re a hard hitter instead of a soft princess. Kind of like your mom,” Bucky says.

”Don’t mention me and my mom in the same sentence, you 100-year-old soldier. That’s like putting you and Steve in the same sentence about ice,” I say, rolling my eyes.

”Shut the hell up,” Bucky says punching my arm with his regular fist.

”You ever punch me with your vibranium arm, I will kill you,” I warn.

Bucky laughs and leaves me alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day at school, Angel and I decided to sit together at lunch. We talk about training and new things I could teach the troops. As we talk about ammunition I spot Jay talking to Ruby Fitzherberg, Rapunzel’s daughter. I see her pressing upon him and twirling her blonde hair. Jay uncomfortably tries to walk away.

”Oh god,” I say, rolling my eyes.

”God what?” Angel asks me.

”Jay is with Ruby,” I say.

”Ruby? The girl who slept with five guys at once? You better scoop your man before she gets him,” Angel advises.

”How do you know that?” I ask.

”What? I’m gay. Of course, I know,” Angel explains.

My eyes widen at his words.

”Huh?” I ask dumbfoundedly.

”I said what I said, I’m gay,” Angel says.

I blink in confusion and stand up from the bench. 

I walk over to Jay and Ruby and sling my arm around his shoulder. 

“Hey guys,” I say.

”Adri! Nice to see you after you dealt with Angel in the theatre,” Ruby says.

”You were there? I didn’t see you or hear your annoying voice,” I say with a smirk.

”I was just asking Jay whether or not he likes my new hair,” Ruby says flirtatiously towards Jay, ignoring my words.

”Um, it looks the same,” I say.

”That’s what I said,” Jay agrees.

”Come on, I cut it 4 inches!” Ruby says playfully hitting Jay’s arm.

”Excuse me, can you not put your hands on him?” I ask her.

”Why not?” Ruby asks.

”It’s super clear that he’s uncomfortable,” I say.

”No he’s not,” Ruby replies bitterly.

Ruby turns to Jay.

”Adri, can we go?” Jay asks.

”Gladly,” I say through gritted teeth.

I grab Jay’s arm and we walk back to my table.

”Who’s this?” Jay asks, seeing Angel.

”This is Lieutenant Angel, the guy Ruby was talking about,” I say.

”Jay. Jay Farr, I’ve heard quite a bit about you from Adri,” Jay says.

”I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Angel says.

”Anyways, you saw what I saw right?” I ask Angel.

”Um, obviously. Ruby has absolutely no self-control. Hey, I’m gay by the way and if you ever and I mean EVER dump her, you’re either getting a Louboutin heel to the face or a date with me,” Angel says.

I scoff at his remarks.

”What? He’s hot,” Angel compliments.

”Thanks, man but I have plans with this girl so...no thanks,” Jay says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

”Like I was saying, Ruby thinks she is all preppy and cool when she’s totally out of line for that shit,” I say to Angel.

”What did she do exactly?” Jay asks, peeking in the conversation.

”She was flirting with you- anyways I try to be sane one...”

”And you’re complaining why?” Jay asks in between my words.

Angel snickers to himself. I glare at Jay.

”You. Are. Mine. End of story,” I say through gritted teeth.

Jay laughs to himself after I speak. 

“Jeez, you’re jealous! I didn’t actually think you’d slide into the conversation because of that,” Jay laughs.

”With your tendencies, it was so obvious that you were uncomfortable but when I walked over you played into it! It was so clear,” I say frustratedly.

Jay continues to laugh at my responses. I look over at Angel and rolls his eyes.

”She feels like your toying with her and she doesn’t like it,” Angel blurts out.

Jay stops laughing and his smile drops. He turns to see me.

I play with the underside of my nail, trying not to look at Jay.

”Is that true?” Jay asks.

”I don’t know. Maybe I just feel like at any moment you could be suddenly interested in some other girl who’s better than I am,” I mutter.

Jay puts a hand on my thigh and I turn to face him.

”Baby, why would I make plans with you if I didn’t love you or care about you enough to stay with you?” Jay asks.

I blush lightly and shrug.

”It’s because I think your worth every minute of my life,” Jay says sincerely.

I smile softly and I kiss his cheek.

”That's cute,” Angel says.

”Shut up,” I giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month later,

”Tell me something, boy. Aren’t you tired try to- Fuck what rhymes with that?” I sing, stopping mid-way to think.

”Void?” Stefani suggests.

”Damn it, why is it so hard to write a love song without having the word love in it?” I ask exasperatedly.

”Cause it’s impossible?” Jay suggests.

”It is possible. We’ve just got two weeks to figure it out,” Stefani says, sitting back down in her chair.

Jay puts out his hand for me to pass him the guitar.

”How about we just repeat a couple of lines?” Jay says, receiving the guitar.

“Tell me something, boy, aren’t you tired of trying to fill that void?

or do you need more?” He starts.

”Aint it hard keeping it so hardcore?”  Stefani finishes.

”Yes! That’s it,” I say, writing it down.

We’re about to finish the last song of the motion picture and we’re almost done. But the lyrics keep falling apart.

”Maybe Bradley should just come in here and help us,” I suggest.

We call in Stefani’s co-star, Bradley and he sits.

”What’s the dilemma?” He asks.

”We need more ears. So, how about it?” Jay asks.

Jay hands Bradley the guitar.

”Shit, I’ve only been in classes for a month,” Bradley hesitates.

”You can do it,” Stefani says confidently.

youtu.be/MUX4ZWkDS-s

Bradley starts to strum the chords of the song. I hand Stefani our brainstorm journal and they both look at our lyrics.

They sing the parts of the song effortlessly. At one part, Stefani improvises and nails the part.

They finish and Jay and I clap.

”That was movie magic at its finest! Now, let’s record it, mix it, and then off we go,” I say.

We all get up from our seats to start working on our parts.

Jay and I lay down the mixing and Bradley and Stefani record. And just for fun, Stefani plays a piano version and we end up recording that too.

Later that night, we come home absolutely exhausted.

I plop onto my dorm room bed and sigh. I look up at my ceiling and see the moonlight peeking through my curtain. The bed sinks and I turn to see Jay lying there next to me, looking at the curtains.

”Long days at work, huh?” Jay asks me.

”I took off training to do that, so, yes,” I say.

We both paused in silence for a minute.

”Hey,” Jay speaks up.

”Yeah?”

”Do you think we’ll get nominated for anything?” Jay asks.

”Probably,” I say, thinking out loud.

”You know. I’m glad you asked me to start making music with you. It’s like something I can remember about you...like our own special thing, you know?” Jay says.

”Yeah. By the way, Stefani was the one who asked for you. Not me,” I say.

”Really? I didn’t think that would ever happen,” Jay says in surprise.

I chuckle at his reaction. I turn to my side and wrap my arm around his body. He does the same, pulling me closer to his chest by gripping my waist.

”Baby, where do you see us in the next year?” Jay asks.

I furrow my brows in confusion.

”I mean. Do you think we’ll be together after senior year next year?” Jay asks.

”I mean, we’ve had no problems with our career schedules so far. Sure we had the situation with Lonnie but luckily I’m that wasn’t real,” I say.

Jay laughs at my recollection.

”I’m sorry for that,” Jay chuckles.

”I know. Anyways, I actually believe we could be traveling, making songs, doing couples interviews and photoshoots, and maybe I can have you come to Agrabah and convince my parents to help us get married?” I suggest.

”Married? You wanna marry me?” Jay asks.

”I mean, we need a new heir in the bloodline. And I don’t think Aziz wants to settle down or rule the kingdom yet,” I say.

Jay chuckles to himself for a minute. He scoops down and places a kiss on my forehead.

”Why can’t we do that now then?” Jay asks.

My eyes widen at his words. I blink twice adjusting to his reaction.

”You wanna do all that now?” I ask him.

”Why not? If that means I get to spend the rest of my life with your crazy ass? Definitely,” Jay agrees.

A smile morphs on my face and I jump up to get my phone.

I dial my mom’s number.

”Ma, it’s Adri. We’ve gotta make some plans...”

3,858 words

[bb-tings]

Golf On Tv

REQUEST: Hello beautiful so I read the unspoken magic imagine and I love it, but I was wondering if you can can you write a drew imagine something like you are a big known artist like Ariana and you guys are dating and then after 3 or 2 years you guys go public or it was getting hard to hide I imagine something like Taylor Swift with her current boyfriend they are so beautiful together😍😭and I just imagine drew and reader like that thanks take your time cutie!

This isn’t my best work & I low-key hate it but it iss what it iss 

taglist: @ampanonyg @ims0golden @jjsmentalpolaroids @stargazingstarkey @letsgofullkook @jjmbanks @maybanksbaby @1-800-jjslut @simpforstarkey @jellyfishbeansontoast

if you want to join or be taken off the taglist just dm and i will definitely do that. no hard feelings :)

~~~~~

“And how’s everything with Drew going honey?”

“It’s...going.”

“You know he’s good for you baby. He’s a sweet boy.”

“Yes, I know mama. I’m just scared. But he makes me feel good and he’s stable…”

*sniffles*

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. It’s just overwhelming, I guess. Like, I know I want him, but I just keep questioning whether or not I deserve him.”

*sigh* 

*sniffle*

“Babygirl, you are magnificent. You are gorgeous, talented, funny. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mother. After everything you have been through, you deserve it all, if it makes you happy.”

*sniffle*

“Thanks, mama. I love you so much.”

“I love you too baby, now get some rest.”  

*BEEP*

     That was the intro to Y/n’s new song Golf On Tv. She had been recording every time her mom announced that she was going to be calling her. After writing the very first line of her newest song, she knew that it was going to be the song that she used to come out about her 2 year secret relationship. Y/n not only wanted to finally tell people about how in love she was, but also wanted to show off her boyfriend’s incredible relationship with her mother. She loved how close their families were. She had never experienced that before, but she would be lying if she said that it wasn’t one of her favorite parts  of her relationship.

     Not even Drew had heard the full song yet. He had only heard the conversation between his eventual mother in law and himself. He knew that it was going to be a good one, he could tell from how much work she was putting into it. And while the two were very busy people and didn’t get to spend much time alone, he didn’t mind letting y/n stress over her music because he liked to watch her. He liked watching when she would crease her forehead in concentration. How her smile would get bigger than he has ever seen it when her team replayed something and she liked it. How her mouth would drop open and her hands would go to her temples when they replayed it and she loved it. He was so in love with her and he still didn’t understand how he got to love her. He was a very lucky man and he never let himself forget it. 

     Y/n had been in the music industry for a while now. She had hit stardom when one of her covers from youtube blew up. Overnight she was bombarded with likes, camera flashes, record deals and more. And within a week she had a manager and a publicist. The next month brought a record deal and a stage. She was 17 and was the new it girl. She loved her life. She got paid to live her dream. However, Y/n learned pretty quickly that people don’t really care about your personality when you're worth more than 8 figures. Nobody actually wanted to be her friend or actually love her for herself. Then she met Drew. 

FLASHBACK

“Drew! Take that back!”

“No, it’s true. Superman is more interesting. Captain America is just not relatable.”

     Y/n let out a gasp as she tried to hide her smile from the boy who sat across from her. 

     “Not relatable! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Superman is a fucking alien from a fucking fake planet. Captain America was a regular, small, fragile man who got picked on all the time and he wanted to be in the war. He wanted to help his country during war and EVERYBODY turned him down. So he went in this machine and then came out big and buff and then became everyone’s hero.”

“So you’re telling me that it’s possible for someone to make a machine that turns you big and bulky in a split second and give you superior amounts of the normal human abilities?” Drew gave the girl a sarcastic questioning face while he waited for her response.

“It’s more possible than an alien coming down from a fake planet and flying around in a cape.” Y/n gave the boy the exact same look at you stared into his eyes. 

     A couple seconds went by of the pair just staring at one another. There was so much tension between the two and neither were counting how many dates it had been so far. Y/n was waiting for Drew to ask the big question but she was starting to think he never was. 

     But what she didn’t know was that Drew really liked her and really wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend. He just didn’t want to move too fast and make her think he was just after fame or clout. Drew was a struggling actor. A lot of people in his place would leap at the opportunity to get in good with someone of Y/n’s fame, but Drew didn’t care about all that. He had somehow met this beautiful girl, who was hilarious, sassy, smart, talented and so much more and he just fell head over sneakers. He didn’t go looking for anybody or anything but he was so glad he found her. So Drew knew it was time to make that big leap and take the next step. 

END FLASHBACK

     Y/n was sitting in front of her phone while she read thousands of comments from fans on her live. She was anticipating what she was about to do, but she had to keep telling herself that she wasn’t actually about to tell her big secret. She was just letting her fans know that they were in for a surprise.

     “Hey guys! Umm,” the young singer’s eyes moved around the screen at different comments. “I just wanted to get on here for a sec and talk. Maybe answer some questions. Also, if you’ve been keeping up with my music, you know that my song Golf On Tv and the music video for it drops tomorrow. And I just wanted to let you guys know that there will be a surprise in the video. Some will like it, some won’t. But yeah, keep an eye out for that. Let’s get into answering questions.”

~~~~~

“I keep getting overwhelmed when I talk about us out loud,” Y/n sang as she watched the ground, putting on an act for the camera. “Cause I want you, and only you. It’s as simple as, you want me too.”

     Her and Drew were on set for her music video. Y/n wanted it to be a video showing her and Drew’s love for each other over the past 2 years. She was so happy and in love and she wanted her fans to be happy for her. She knew that there were going to be people who didn’t like it but she didn’t really care. She was just excited to tell the world about her amazing and lovely boyfriend. 

     Most of the video was a montage of their relationship. Even though they decided to keep the relationship a secret, they always knew that they would eventually make it public, wanting to be able to finally post the videos and pictures they kept in a private folder. So, when Y/n wrote this song for Drew, she immediately knew she was going to use the videos they had saved up. 

     Drew walked up behind Y/ and put his arms around her shoulders, noticing how she immediately relaxed her back against his chest and brought her hands to his arms. 

“Are you excited for me to hear the whole song?” he asked his talented girlfriend. 

“Yeah, but I’m really nervous. Like it’s a lot different from anything that I’ve ever done.”

“Baby, I’ve loved every song you have ever written,” the boy kissed her hair as he smirked down at the girl in his arms. He stood still as Y/n pushed herself out of his arms to turn and face him. She let her hands travel up his biceps and come together behind his head. 

"I know but this one's different. It's your song. And I want you to like it."

Drew leaned down to kiss his girlfriend. “I’m going to love it, I promise.”

“You better.”

~~~~~

POPSTAR Y/N Y/L/N REVEALS LONG TERM BOYFRIEND OF 2 YEARS 

OUTER BANKS STAR DREW STARKEY DATING POPSTAR FOR 2 YEARS

SINGER Y/N Y/L/N REVEALS BOYFRIEND IN NEW SONG “GOLF ON TV” 

     The headlines didn’t surprise y/n at all. She had been used to her name being dragged across the screen for just about anything she did. Y/n had made sure that Drew was okay with the fact that he too would be in headlines. Drew’s response being that him being an actor made him prepared for just about anything. 

     Y/n’s phone was blowing up with notifications from friends and family who didn’t know about her relationship. But she couldn't be bothered to check any of them. The young girl was living her best life in the arms of her lover and she had nothing else but him on her mind. 

“That was amazing, bubba,” Drew told the girl as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes. “Aww, baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” the younger girl exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around him, burying his head into her chest.

“I just wasn’t expecting that. And I didn’t know you felt that way in the beginning. YOu know I love you right?”

“Of course I do, baby. That phone call was a while ago. I know my self worth now, because of you. You never let me forget how much I’m loved. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”

“I don’t know about that...but you're definitely the cutest girl in the world,” Drew smiled up at Y/n.

“Eww, that was so cheesy. You can do better than that Drewseph.”

“Mhhm, I’ll show you cheesy,” Drew smirked at the girl while quickly putting his hand somewhere more private. 

“DREW!”

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

The Pretty Reckless’ Taylor Momsen Lives for ‘Death by Rock and Roll’

“The 27 Club” is a depressing cultural phenomenon — it’s the age musical luminaries Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Mia Zapata of the Gits, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix died.

The Pretty Reckless singer Taylor Momsen is now is 27 but was 25 when she wrote a reckoning in the semi-autobiographical “25.” The song appears on Death By Rock and Roll, the band’s fourth record. The LP is a stunner; a dozen stellar songs that are at once reverential, referential and intensely personal.

In the past four years, Momsen lost two hugely important people in her life. In 2017, Chris Cornell died by suicide, and not long after, her musical mentor and best friend Kato Khandwala died in a motorcycle crash. Understandably, Momsen was devastated. Thanks in no small part to the catharsis of music, the age of 27 seems to be a renewal, as she exorcises her pain in Death By Rock and Roll. The Pretty Reckless’ best album to date, the passion and pain are palpable in both music and lyrics. The plaintive “Got So High” could be an alt-rock chart-topper, in wonderful contrast to the raw rallying cry and aggressive gutter-rock feel of the title track. She moves easily from the quirky cinematic moment of “Broomsticks” into the fiery, feminist coven-call that is “Witches Burn.”

Speaking from her pandemic hideout in Maine, Momsen isn’t on the other side of the grieving process.

“I’d be a liar to say that I’m, you know, over things,” she tells SPIN. “I’m still in the process of healing, but the making of this record really was just a huge step forward. I was in a very, very dark space there for a while, and if it wasn’t for the making of this record, I don’t know if I would be here right now.”

She wallowed, but ultimately her instinct for self-preservation kicked in. As did a worldwide pandemic. Masking up is nothing new for Momsen, who calls herself “a super hypochondriac” who hasn’t left her house since March.

“Even before COVID, I was strict. It probably stems from being a singer and not wanting to get sick on tour, because you never fully recover. So [I always flew wearing] masks,” Momsen says.

Though she’s healthy, and it’s probably not an exaggeration to say that, emotionally, Momsen was saved by rock and roll. “I keep just sticking to the word rebirth,” she says. “I know it sounds cliché, but it really does feel like that for the band.”

While the songs are truthful, sometimes sad, always powerful, they’re never a pity party. “I keep trying to want to put a positive spin on it because I don’t want it to be this representation of this very morbid thing,” Momsen says. The concept behind Death By Rock & Roll is a positive rallying crying, something a band might shout together before going on stage. “It’s an ethic that we live our life by; go out your own way, rock and roll till I die,” she continues. “Don’t let anyone tell me differently.”

The phrase “death by rock and roll” was coined as the band’s de facto motto by Khandwala, which made it an appropriate choice for the album title. The band’s friend, producer and touchstone, Khandwala died in 2018 at the age of 47. He was with The Pretty Reckless from 2010’s Light Me Up to 2014’s Going To Hell and 2016’s Who You Selling For.

Khandwala’s memory bookends the album: A recording of his actual footsteps on a wooden floor begins the record, and the final song is the poignant tribute “Harley Darling,” a stellar ballad that could be a hit on Americana/country radio. If the only way around something is through it, Momsen dove in headfirst, putting all her angst, love, sadness and power into the songs.

“The record delves into a lot of darkness and a lot of sadness. There was no way around that as a writer. And as a person. It just became so a part of who I was that I couldn’t avoid it. But I think by writing it and getting it out, that was a huge part of the healing process.”

Wanting to use music to process and express her emotions, she called Khandwala, who had produced every The Pretty Reckless album, to talk about recording.

But then came the call that Khandwala had died.

“That was the nail in the coffin for me. I threw my hands up in the air and kind of went ‘Yeah, I give up.’ I went down a very dark rabbit hole of depression and substance abuse and everything that comes with that.” she confesses. Momsen was so down that she couldn’t even listen to music. Eventually, listening to her favorite artists helped her. “I started with the Beatles, listening to every detail, the whole Anthology, and just going through what made me fall in love with music when I was young.”

The band – drummer Jamie Perkins, guitarist Ben Phillips and bassist Mark Damon – met Momsen through Khandwala and were all equally devastated, processing losses in their own ways. They were on tour with Soundgarden in 2017, which was a thrill but ended in tragedy when Cornell died.

“As an artist [being asked to open the tour] was the highest compliment that you could possibly get,” she says. “If you know anything about me, I mean Soundgarden is just the epitome [when it comes to rock bands]. I was there that last night in Detroit,” she remembers. “I talked to him at night I gave him a hug and said goodbye. When I wake up to that news the next morning … It just went from the most elating experience to the one of the most devastating. And Kato was at all those shows.”

Cornell’s death shook Momsen and the band profoundly. She says it “took me down to a place where I wasn’t useful in the middle of a record cycle.” The Pretty Reckless were supposed to be on the road for another year, but Momsen wasn’t up to performing as she dealt with her grief. “I couldn’t grieve and continue to get on stage every night and pretend, put on this big rock show like everything was okay. I left the tour,” she says.

With time, she was able to listen to Soundgarden’s music, and eventually, she picked up a guitar. Death by Rock & Roll was a record that was easy in the worst way possible.

“I didn’t have to try to write it. It was more just a necessity that I didn’t even know I needed. It just kind of poured out of me,” Momsen says of the writing process. “There were a lot of tears during the recording. We put everything we had into this album, physically, emotionally. There are good days, bad days, obviously. I think the full spectrum of emotions was spanned on making this, from anger to tears of happiness to tears of sadness.” Some days were too difficult for Momsen even to attempt vocals, too heartbroken from the past few years.

That said, Momsen, in conversation, along with the record itself, aren’t outwardly mournful. Her voice has laughter and life. “I’m ecstatic for people to hear the album and to share it because I’m really proud of it. I know it sounds cliche, but it really does feel like the first album, like we had to start from scratch again, and we didn’t know how that was going to go.”

Still, there are songs where Momsen chooses not to divulge the true inspiration to inquisitive journalists. “I think it’s unfair to the listener to detail song lyrics in a personal manner. It takes away what it means to [the listener].” She offers up an example to clarify: “I’m a huge Pink Floyd fan. (She references “The Great Gig in the Sky” in the song “Rock and Roll Heaven.”) I’ve watched every documentary ever made about Pink Floyd. In one, Roger Waters is talking about ‘Shine on You Crazy Diamond,’ going into depth about what the song was about to him, about Syd Barrett.”

Momsen was shocked to learn the song’s true story. “It was so not how I had taken that song my entire life! I’m glad that I know the story now. But if I had known before I listened to it, I think that it would have changed my perspective of the song. It wouldn’t have had the same impact that it had on me and my personal life. That’s why I don’t like to do that.”

Death by Rock and Roll reaffirms The Pretty Reckless’ love of rock and roll, along with the people who made them who they are, musically and as individuals. “I think because we went through so much trauma, and so much loss, that this record, in one way, feels so much like a gift. We’re given the gift of rebirth; I mean, how many artists can say that? As artists, you struggle to find inspiration always. In this case, inspiration was just thrust upon me.”

With a record that marks such a powerful turning point for The Pretty Reckless, talking about Khandwala and Cornell will be inevitable and ongoing. “This record starts and ends with my love letter to Kato. So there’s no getting around talking about that,” Momsen concedes. “But it’s so much more than that. I think it’s reflecting on the cycle of life. You come into this world with nothing but your soul, and you leave it with nothing but your soul.”

[deancaskiss]

hi Sophie ♡ I made time to send you this because you had your exam and your surgery today. I hope it went awesome, sorry to hear that surgery didn't go quite as expected because of what happened to teddy but I'm sure you did awesome anyways.

now to answer...

oh my sweet Sophie, pls don't apologize for taking your time to answer. I work, study and try to be here for most spn news, i get it and you're working in becoming an amazing vet and you write beautiful stories and manage to even do events like the one for your milestone, so don't worry ❤ that being said... my heart skipped a beat when I saw your answer and I was eager to send you this too

I'm 100% in with cinnamon and apple!

I adore Rapunzel! Tangled was awesome and I love the song I see the light. It's just one of thee best scenes ever with all the lanterns (can we have lanterns???).

Yes to mountains, it'll be the perfect view, specially in autumn.

Your writing is perfection, I know I'm only one person and is not much but I love it ❤ and I know I'm not the only one, people just tend to love what you write.

I think I won't stop blushing for the rest of the month after you called me your fiancé ajsndjdks 🥰 I'm melting over this, your vows probably will end me.

Now music. I listen to almost all music. I'm more a soft songs girl but I listen to almost everything. Being able to do that made me discover some beautiful songs from small artists. Sleeping At Last is my favorite artist right now. I love Ed Sheeran and JB too. My favorite song from Ed is Perfect and from JB is Hesitate, makes me weep everytime. Just the I'll thank the oceans for giving me you and then is the all I won't hesitate for you, like is everything. I really love love songs. Oh I love Taylor Swift too.

I had an stressful weekend and week but it's ok, thank you.

I hope you get to rest a little bit this weekend

ly💍🌷💜

hello my sweet darling angel <33 my sincerest apologies that it’s taken me so long to reply to this message! thank you so much for sending this message to me when i had my exam and surgery (funny thing was i literally got the message from you as i was leaving the clinic after surgery and i was exhausted and then i saw your message and i couldn’t stop smiling and i sat in my car and read your entire message before i drove home hehe <3) that exam did go well (i got an 80% on it) and lucky the surgery went well too despite the last minute change in patient. I did get to help out a little during the procedure which was awesome. Our next surgery is this upcoming Thursday and I’m going to be the anesthesiologist (lots of pressure) but I’m excited!

yesssss, answer time hehe!

oh my sweetiepie! I really am so sorry it takes me so long to answer sometimes, but i really appreciate that you’re so understanding of everything i’m balancing! also can i just say how amazing you are with balancing working, studying, and being online for a majority of the spn news, like holy hell you’re a superhero for managing to keep on top of all those things. you thinking I’m gonna be an amazing vet has got me crying omg thank you so much! gosh, i dont think my stories are that good, but hearing you say they’re beautiful makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. awww shucks, thank you for liking the event i hosted for my milestone. I just wanted people to feel included and to share that special feeling with other amazing people in the fandom. ❤️ wait wait omg i made your heart skip a beat??? that’s literally so precious i want to wrap you up in warm blankets!

yessss im so happy you agree with cinnamon and apple scents for our wedding! gotta bring in those lovely rich and comforting smells!

omg i may have just giggled with happiness over you saying you love rapunzel! that’s my favorite song in the film omg that whole scene with the lanterns and the way her and eugene sneak glances at each other because they’re falling in love is so soft. (OHMYGOD yes yes yes we can have lanterns at our wedding i swear i literally just went 🥺🥺🥺 at your adorable idea!)

ooooh yay, I’m so glad you like the idea of mountains for the wedding. you’re so right the view will be perfect in autumn with all the changing leaves!

you’ve just made me blush for the hundredth time by calling my writing perfection. Trust me, coming from you, that literally means everything. Gosh, i dont know how i got so lucky to have people who love what i write. I just never thought my writing would connect with people, and to know it brought us together, that’s like a dream come true ❤️

ajdflkjadfkjssa I MADE YOU BLUSH!!! you’d better get used to it because I’m loudly proclaiming you’re my fiancé to anyone and everyone heheh! okay but literally every time i think ’you cant get any cuter’ you literally get CUTER and I cannot handle it! you melting? precious. knowing my vows will mean so much to you? adorable. your reactions? lovable. your sweetness? perfection.

oh yay, I’m so glad you’re so open to music of lots of genres. soft songs are my weakness. just another thing we have in common <3 I’d love to hear some of your favorite small artists so that i can listen to them too. I’m going to search Sleeping At Last as soon as my exam is over on Tuesday! <3 omg I’m so glad to have found someone else who also loves Ed and JB! omg Perfect is an amazing wedding song hehe. also omg Hesitate is literally one of my absolute favorites (I cried when they played it live on the HB tour before covid)! You plucked out my favorite lyrics I’m gonna sob omg i literally tear up every time I hear joe sing “i thank the oceans for giving me you, you saved me once and now i’ll save you too” because that’s the kind of love i want 🥺❤️ love songs are my favorite they’re just so pure and honest and raw, like you can actually feel the love in every single word in the song. I’m not much of a taylor fan, but i do admit she has some great bops and she’s a super talented artist.

oh no, my love, I’m so sorry to hear that you had a stressful week and weekend. I hope you’re doing okay now? did you have a better weekend this past weekend? did you do anything fun? can i do anything to make you feel better?

ilysm 🌷💍💖💜🥺