#i vented

[jaeminri]

02:35 ⁝ sim jaeyun ✿ 0.4k words

"so what's going on with you and jake?”

you choke a little on your lunch, hitting hard on your chest as your wide eyes look up at riki.

“what?”

riki is nonchalant as he raises his brows as if he's talking about something so obvious (it isn't, you think). “you know, the two of you call so often. even though you both claim it's just to play games, but you only play like for an hour and talk for the remaining six. isn't that kinda weird for 2 people who used to have feelings for each other?” he says.

speechless, is what you are.

“how do you know about all this?” you pop with squinted eyes, unable to recall a time you ever told anyone about this, much less riki in fact. he's known to be quite a talker, and telling him anything about your personal life means telling the whole world.

the boy laughs, “heeseung hyung rooms with jake, so he keeps complaining that jake makes a lot of noise when talking to you.”

“oh.”

“yeah, oh.” riki mocks with a roll of his eyes. “so? what's up? are you two talking again?”

you don't answer. well, a part of you doesn't want to because you know how big his mouth is, but another part of you can't answer, because you don't know. you don't know what you and jake are. friends? yeah, for sure, maybe. but how can two people who used to have a thing just talk so casually for hours like it's nothing and be friends? how can two people who used to have a thing talk about having crushes on other people and past relationships as if they hadn't almost been in one together? it's these questions that always rear its ugly head into your brain — they keep you up at night.

you're not afraid to admit that you still like jake even after two years of the end of your situationship, even after a year of him rejecting you when you told him you still liked him even though he didn't anymore. initially you had denied your feelings for months, pushing it off as just something friendly. until jay started asking you stuff and it all clicked like a machine mechanism.

it hurts to think about jake sometimes because you can sort of tell that he doesn't feel the same. yet sometimes, you wonder how he really feels when he asks you to get online, when he talks to you for hours, when he gets into a habit of showing you videos of his gameplay, when he talks about other girls who like him (you wonder if he thinks about you).

when you look at riki, he's waiting expectantly, then your phone vibrates with a ping, so you look. and it's the same damn message that you give in to all the time, even though you know it's not good for you, as per what jay says.

[1:35pm] jake: play tn?

© JAEMINRI, 2023

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[reikacchan]

don't give up

[gayvampyr]

no offense but you guys need to learn the difference between someone implying their experience is universal and a post simply just not being about you

[st-dionysus]

We've had strap ons since at least 400 BC, and people still have the nerve to go on gay hook up apps and ask "how can an FTM be a top?"

[krmljam]

more bugs more drinking

[punkitt-is-here]

transgender online

[a-method-in-it]

You know that Chris Fleming line that goes "Call yourself a community organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates"?

I honestly think every leftist who talks about the "revolution" like Christians talk about the rapture needs to spend a year trying to organize their workplace. Anyone who sincerely talks about building a movement so vast and all-encompassing that it overwhelms all existing power structures needs the dose of humility that comes with realizing they can't even build a movement to get people paid better at a badly run AMC Theaters where everyone already hates the manager.

[zer0ghostz]

idk waht to write for this one,

[variksel]

i hate you ai art i hate you "unalive" i hate you youtube premium i hate you twitter 8$ checkmark i hate you nfts i hate you therapy app advertisements i hate you non-chronological timelines i hate you instagram reels i hate you subtle tiktok filters that cant be turned off i hate you family bloggers i hate you ads on true crime episodes i hate you facebook i hate you vr glasses on chickens i hate you dystopian social media

[aesrot]

shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.

[purrsongs]

on colors and being different and not being enough for yourself

(please reblog instead of liking)

[disteal]

I hate gay people so much. I haven’t been able to hear an imagine dragons song on the radio or in a shop without my brain just IMMEDIATELY being flooded with ‘Okay im imagining his dragon’. People think i just rly hate imagine dragons with the way my face reacts but i don’t im literally fighting such a personal battle against saying something fruity abt mr dragons out of nowhere because the shit gay people say online is so funny

[komodocloud]

do you guys ever feel like an outcast even in a group full of outcasts. like i'm autistic and even in groups full of neurodivergent people i'm still excluded sometimes. i don't understand why

[infamouslydorky]

What a day to be a tf2 fan after what nonsense valve pulled. Ngl, I'm tired

[thediktatortot]

Not people saying “Fandom has always been like this” in that vent post I made. No. It hasn’t always been like this. Fandom has NEVER been like this until recently and if you were in fandom pre-tumblr purge, pre-twitter, pre-netflix boom, pre-tiktok....then you would fucking know it was nothing like this.

We still had the drive to create. We still sold prints and charms and made zines...but it was never like this.

The introduction of streaming, binge shows that drop all at once, tiktok and vine RIP i still love u vine but you were the beginning of a particularly ugly era) creating this bite sized, quick paced ‘content’ era of creation and it bled out into fucking everything else.

Fandoms didn’t die down when the show ended or the season was over. You didn’t mass unfollow artist, writers or moots just because they changed fandoms. There wasn’t this need to please the algorithm in order for your posts to get seen by people and enjoyed.

Fandoms used to last YEARS. Star Trek is literally the oldest running fandom out there and you got people in there that could care less about the new stuff and still have been happily prancing through their fucking fifty year old fandom today. Hell, even SPN after all it’s fuckups and shitshows has a dedicated fanbase STILL creating tons of art and fic.

There is no patience anymore. No calm feeling of taking in fandom and friends at a pace that which doesn’t make you stressed and is still fun.

Do I blame fandom for this? Of course not, but people are complacent with it and start changing their vocab to accommodate and end up making the situation so deep it cant be fixed.

We call Art & Fic Content now, completely stripping the value of what it is to a level of consumerism instead of personal entertainment & community bonding.