#i wanna die so bad my life is so shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sensitivegoblin · 2 years

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Vent pls don’t rb it’s weird to do that

#i miss feeling beautiful n sexy #i miss having hope that one day someone’s gonna love me #there’s not a day that goes by anymore where I don’t have to vividly imagine my suc!d3 in order to escape from my shittty reality #I’m so tired #i can’t sleep #i keep having vivid dreams where my cat didn’t die he just got lost #and it rips my heart out waking up every time without him #i wanna die so bad my life is so shit #i try to be good and there’s no thank you for it #there’s no relief #I’m never going to be loved #all I’m ever good for is my bitch pet ‘ill do anything’ attitude and my sexuality #not even my body I’m just some gross thing everyone gets off to secretly not deserving of real love #i fucking hate Valentine’s Day #message me if you wanna block the ass that broke my heart and being #I’m still gonna try to be the bigger person and not put him #but my days are running me thin #I’m fighting everyday not to take the sciccors and end it all #it does NOT get better #everyone fucking lied #the only way to be happy is money.#i just wanna die so I can be with my babies

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chiimeramanticore · 6 days

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#im not dead quit asking #I'm just really really really not doing well #sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent #things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure #i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc #i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person #i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see #i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that #maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway #I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner #and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first #everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions #my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol #and i still don't know a lot of you personally but #parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people #I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems #im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly #and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days #I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol #but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much #but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs #im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself #which I think is where im at now. burnt out #and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys #if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber #etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there #im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet #hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime

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daystie · 1 year

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maturity is realizing john and abigail are as accurate and real as any couple would be in their situations/combined traumas and finding, after all that and their hard work, they really are a beautiful couple.

#rdr #rdr2 #john marston #abigail roberts #john marston x abigail roberts #it’s been three years since my play through #with all the life experiences i gained since then #knowing what it is to wanna literally beat tf outta this person bro they get on your nerves SO BAD #EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM #but then #you trust this person so much and would happily die for them and would accept them in any shape or form #even tho they PISS YOU OFF you still wouldn’t take them any other way #cus under all that annoying ass surface is without a doubt your home #shit hit close to home man #if you know that love you know it #abigail and john both got such real and raw flaws #real and raw conflicts resolved with such grace and beautiful time! just time #it’s such a beautiful BEAUTIFUL story #redemption arcs are 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#THESE TWO ARE 🥰🥰🥰❣️❣️❣️❣️#siigghhhhh #alt ships are out for me #this canon ship is where it’s fucking AT

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twilightarcade · 2 months

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anyways wanna hear about what I've been thinking about

#wordstag #Heavily redacted on account of I don't wanna dox myslef #Anyways like yesterday someone was like 'you're prettygood at driving' and I was like. I play a lot of Mario kart. I don't play a lot of #Mario kart that was a flat Lie. Also I hate driving ohhhghhhh my goodod it's like if they made the worst thing ever and if you do bad #Everyone kills you anwyas was thinkingof sending a letter to my friend. But I don't really know how letters work to be real I haven't sent #letter in 5 million years.#next topic was thinking about (not someothonh we would ever do) a gimmicky fundraiser wheee it's like there's goals and at certain #Goals you unlock different things. At 50 bucks we buy [GUY] a new mouse at 100 bucks we make a collectible pin line etc etc #at 200 bucks we do a choreographed dance routine #Next next topic like a bit ago we had an idea to make like #A pet sim but your pet is doomed to die. Pet sim where you outlive your pet #where basically you have a pet yeah and it's like a clicker and you gotta click and upgrade yr clicks ets #all while feeding this pet who's life span is only limited by how much money you make #and it was like. A slow decline yknow. The prices of everything gets higher snd eventually you can't afford to feed your pet yknow #something of a tragedy. You can keep playing but your pet won't be there anymore #and like at some point you don't have time to play with your pet anymore because you need to focus on making money #I told my friend this (golf friend) and she was like. You're insane. Horribly crudeidea but that was also the point?#What message about society or whatever the shit is there? I dontknow bro.#there r two endings one ending where your pet dies sad and you live on (you have like a taxes you pay rent or some shit #So you loose money and if you can't pay rent you die. Or something like that it isn't that thought through #then the other ending is like everyone dies forever but you died playing with your pet so. Peace and love on planet earth #Anywyas um. I've gotta head to bed man. Or they're gonna Get Me #I don't think I'm going to but. ominous.#dude the computer is loud as fuck are we mining bitcoin or some shit. Is it usually this loud ?????

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dont-call-me-i-am-trynaa-die · 15 days

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These meds are messing with my head.

I know I am better off dead

For how long I have been brewing in this stew

Of despair and hopelessness, I never knew.

Sick and tired of this shitty world

Never have my thoughts not swirled,

Out and beyond my control

Death is now my only goal.

This is the shittiest poem I wrote

While trying to stay afloat

It was all written in 5 minutes at night.

I know no one cares about my plight

But please please let me get it out

"Unalive yourself", the voices shout.

For now these might be my last words

While my mind plays it's broken record

I don't know if it will be taken down or not, but i don't care now. I NEED to get this shit outta my system

Srsly guys I can write much better I swear. This is literally a glorified shitpost

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paperbag1999 · 2 months

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i’m someone who sees things in like constant shades of grey and i quite often try to see the light side of things and i think i’m constantly reminded of all the great stuff i have in my life. also i am full of gratitude all the time and also every time something bad happens to me i’m like yknow what this makes sense🫶 all these bad things suck but they lead to so many amazing things i’m hyper aware of the butterfly effect. so uhm i’m a pretty resilient person if i do say so myself. so today when i came to the realization of OH. i’m having a BAD YEAR!

#literally got picked on by a prof in december that like momentarily zapped all my curiosity for everything academic #family stuff that actually makes me wanna die so bad #a couple ocd episodes that made me go insane #severely boring winter semester #my cat got sick and i drained my entire savings account #BROKE AS SHIT #also the fucking emotional stress of having my new cat get critically ill and almost dying #insane arguments with my mom realizing i don’t feel comfortable in my home <4 #down bad severely down bad for a man #non stop work my life is non stop deadlines #two back to back courses that like took over my entire summer didn’t get a break at all #didn’t get the internship i wanted more than life itself #(which ended up being a positive but still)#underemployed up until three weeks ago #MENTALLY ILL!!! STILL #constant chronic pain and nausea that is unexplained #lost enough weight to see my ribs cause i couldn’t fucking eat #all my friends gone this summer #just feel blue so often #so many amazing things happened this year and i am excited and i still love life #but damn i feel beaten down like a dog #oh and did i mention the ongoing stress of watching your people get genocided through the internet :)#the absolute erosion of identity that like you already felt so disconnected from #as you watch the place you yearn for more than anything get completely nuked off the earth :)#and actually your moms homeland isn’t enough they need to start bombing your dads homeland too ;)

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thegirlwholivesin-delusion · 9 months

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Why tf is tumblr my only coping mechanism

#no but whenever I feel down I come here #god fuck my life #this shit sucks #ugh #wanna die so bad rn #not queued

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princehatterene · 11 months

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vent in tags.

#i got pulled away from ghost trick for an hour cuz my dad made me cook dinner #he always makes me do shit while i’m in the middle of something else and it throws off my rhythm and it pisses me the fuck off #why does he always do this to me. never to my siblings #does not wanting or not being able to cook make me a bad person #like he keeps saying ‘oh i just want to teach you a valuable life skill! don’t you feel bad for your mom cuz she has to cook?’#‘if you don’t learn you’ll never make it on your own!’ well i hope i rot like a fish on the street when i’m alone so jot that down #i’m sorry i’m a fuck up and not like my siblings. ask my sister to cook she hasn’t had a bad day in her entire fucking life!#i know it’s just cooking and it shouldn’t be so hard but it is!! i’m so fucking sore i just wanna lay down and die #no one fucking gets that sometimes i feel fine and sometimes i don’t. for many different reasons #not just physical reasons! mental too!#i’m just supposed to suck it up cuz that’s life! no one gives a shit if you’re in pain! you’re just lazy and unwilling to learn!#your siblings can cook why can’t you????#CHRIST.#stormy day at the castle #the bedridden prince

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daz4i · 4 months

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it's incredibly hard not to despair over all of this ngl

#i've been doing really bad in the last 2ish weeks #almost as if i'm having pms symptoms kinda #but usually they go away after a few days. certainly not stick for over a week #this is like how it was before i was on t. without the bleeding ig #(physical stuff also stand bc i feel so extra tired and my whole body hurts constantly)#and all the shit going on in real life isn't helping. both on a global scale and in my personal life #i don't want to exist genuinely i can't be left with my thoughts for even a second or i start spiraling #i don't want to sleep or take a break i want to just. stop. stop thinking. stop existing. i want to die bc it feels like the only choice #but ig i gotta wake up at 7 am and drive for an hour and walk up the hill again instead #and then be active until 6 pm. i'm already exhausted just thinking abt all this ngl #i wanna die i can't do this shit anymore i should've died 13 years ago. why even bother trying to live #vent #negative //#suicide //#ask to tag #sorry. sorry

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demidin · 1 year

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you ask me if I'm okay and I just give the fucking saddest look before running to you and tryna hug you only to realize you're a tumblr mutual and not an irl homie and I still try to fucking hug you because dammit I'm not at my best I need help

#demi's dings 🎇#in other words #im going through the worse age of my life rn #i got beaten up for not doing algebra right and now my gut hurts #my friends are being dicks #now legit all my discord friends are gone #and i won't have anyone to talk to next year #i can't anymore #i can't do this #god i just wanna die and wonder if it'll even make my family miss me because they act like i'm a disease for making them look bad #i can't do anything that makes me somebody #i go through having a god complex and being the most pathetic wet cat #im considering death my dad is literally calling me a piece of shit and treating me like an animal #he's considering fucking making me do algebra all day (and would even consider treating me so inhumanity doing it)#IM STILL A KID AND IM SORRY I STILL HAVE THE BRAIN OF ONE #IM SORRY IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU #YOU DONT NEED ME IF IM BRINGING SHAME TO YOU? IS THAT SO?#BITCH FINE I CAN JUST GO DISAPPEAR IM SORRY IM NOT A GOOD ENOUGH DAUGHTER TO YOU #vent post

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bunnyb34r · 10 months

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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse

#marquilla #im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's #gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a #dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you #incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and #theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future #and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to #be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS #so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff #bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist #s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with #the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit #like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and #that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man #i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully #but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL #affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.

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mosspapi · 8 months

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Me: has used after effects/premier pro exactly one time 5+ years ago for a school assignment, has literally NO idea how to edit shit, create assets, or do any part of what I'm planning

My brain: ooooo let's do this idea that is ungodly editing-intensive and will require a ton of research and effort and work bcuz it's heavily inspired by videos made by a team of professionals for a multi-million-dollar franchise

#I am going to die badly I think. this is gonna b so much work #but it'd b such an interesting idea. I wanna make my video assignment showing like. my day to day life which is Extremely boring #esp now since I almost never leave bed. BUT. I'd wanna show like. my internal thoughts and feelings and show that even if I'm #doing jack shit my life as a disabled person isn't boring or sad or whatever. n im being heavily inspired stylistically by #the intro/opening sequence of little big planet games. it's got the vibe n style n shit I'm looking for #but holy FUCK it's gonna b so much work and I have no idea how to do any of it. it's gonna b bad #armchair speaks

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magnoliamyrrh · 11 months

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#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die!#and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

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hellfireeddiemunson · 1 year

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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it

#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it #a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha #i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not #unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted #by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation #it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and #i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me #and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never #said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr #different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts #anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after #what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule #with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past #that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so #that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the #floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night

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frankiegirl · 1 year

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so last night I discovered that the dry shampoo I’ve been using changed it’s formula in the last few months and I didn’t notice and now there’s barley in the stupid stuff so I’ve been essentially spraying poison glutened spray at myself and my face and hair for MONTHS so like no fucking wonder I’ve felt like such shit the last few weeks I have been BREATHING IN GLUTEN

#I actually wanna die so bad lmfao #I had the worst migraine of my life yesterday no fucking joke and it was terrifying #and then I somehow notice that as I’m brushing my teeth to go to bed #so I have to shower and change my sheets and get my new pillow out of my closet that I’ve been saving bc I’m panicking #gluten is everywhere #I try so hard to be so careful and go out of my way to make everyone around me careful and I still get shit on by random every day items #like fuck it get me a god damn egg roll at least

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highwaydiamonds · 2 years

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As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.

#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't #did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes #did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect #but it looks like it p much is #and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge #i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with #and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely)#but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no #depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean #also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean #so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS.#i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that #he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide #but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning #that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully #partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy #especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean #moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day #because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it #and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals #so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff #thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post #welcome to how shit is around here sometimes

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