#i want to fuck jschlatt

[isolawildest]

ahahaa hey bro

[grimblebimble]

he asked for no pickles >:(

murderduo brainrot

[ohworm-writes]

◧▥—JSCHLATT HEADCANONS—▥◨

PAIRING None

RATING Parental Guidance Suggested, Some Material May Not Be Suitable for Children (Limited swearing)

SYNOPSIS A random assortment of Jschlatt headcanons, nothing more and certainly nothing less. Be it of his mannerisms, likes and dislikes, preferences and whatever else may be.

WORD COUNT 1.5k 

AUTHORS NOTE I’ve been thinking about Schlatt for the past hour or so, give or take, and I’ve come up with a few random headcanons for him. I will admit, a lot of these are self serving, meaning that I made them whilst thinking of the things I do, but I do believe that, at least in my eyes and heart, that these are true and applicable to him. My favorite streamer and person in the whole wide world. <3 Yes, it’s a little different when compared to my typical works, but let me be! I want to do these for more characters, I think, so let me know your guys’ thoughts on this! I hope you enjoy. :)

His hands naturally run a little colder than most. His fingertips feel like ice, almost comparable to the feeling of touching metal after it’s been left out on its own for hours or days on end. However, he doesn’t typically notice it until his hands touch a surface that isn’t icy or cold beyond belief. At that point, he does make an effort to put his hands somewhere warm- maybe sitting on them or putting them at his sides, whichever works quickest and most effectively. 

He likes audiobooks more than physical novels. Putting hours of effort into concentrating on words alone is frustrating and boring to him. He needs constant stimulation to be able to fully take in something, so once he’s introduced to the wonderful world of audiobooks, he’s hooked. He’s very picky on who he chooses to listen to though- the voice of the person needs to be engaging, not something dry or monotone or bland, a voice that can keep his attention. Once he finds a good person to listen to, though, he’ll listen to books at every chance he gets- editing, doing a grocery store run, simply relaxing- it’s his way of winding down.

He hates vacuuming with a burning passion. Absolutely loathes it. It’s not as though the task requires much exertion or effort or anything like that, he just hates it for what it is and in its entirety. Sweeping or mopping he’s absolutely fine with, it’s just that vacuuming requires so many unnecessary steps (or so he thinks is true) such as having to first unwind the cord from the thing and then plug it in and then heave it back and forth and back and forth and back and forth across the floor. And by the time he’s reached a steady rhythm the cord is suddenly too short. It infuriates and frustrates him beyond words, and if he can get out of the chore by any means, best believe that is what he’s doing.

He likes calmer animals more as opposed to wildly energetic ones. Yes, whilst he does have Jambo as his companion, a wild little ball of energy on his own, he loves it when he can just lay down with Jambo sleeping next to him. It’s not necessarily that ‘oh, he hates energetic animals and would get rid or steer clear of one if they were energetic’, it’s just that he enjoys more tame environments than high energy ones. That being said, he loves to play rough with animals- for instance, wrestling with big dogs or playing ‘keep away’ with them, or playfully swatting at cats or something of the like. He can only do it in doses, though, because again, he likes tame environments when it comes to animals and pets.

He fucking loves dancing, like- he’s absolutely enamored with the act itself. Mind you, it’s not as though he’s a dancing professional, but the act of just letting the tune of a song determine the way one’s body sways and moves and shimmies is his favorite. He puts on little concerts of his own when he’s alone, turning his headphones on blast, playing some song that fits the mood right and using his phone as a microphone and absolutely rocking it out. 

Speaking of dancing and music in general, he really likes to dance to either older and calmer songs (smooth jazz/soul/swing and et cetera) or really high energy music (hip hop/electronic/Hi-NRG and et cetera). It depends on how he’s feeling, obviously, but if he’s particularly energetic or tense or something of the like, he’ll put on some high energy type music and just- rock his absolute heart out. I’m talking silently screaming and shouting the lyrics of a song, doing an elaborate and on-the-spot dance sequence and jumping all over the room to a song. And, on the other hand, he can slow dance to a calm, older song from time to time (think of Nat King Cole or Frankie Valli) and he’ll just jam out softly, sway from side to side or laying out on his bed, limbs sinking into the bed as he softly hums to the tune of the music. 

He deals with sensory overload of overstimulation quite often. Sometimes, an environment will just be too loud and he’ll cringe, wrinkle up his nose and either plug his ears with his fingers, cover them with his palms or put in his headphones to mentally ‘get out of there’. It’ll happen at home, too. Sometimes, everything will just feel… bad and wrong. This could include audio, visual, tactile stimulation or anything of the like- if there’s too much of something in an environment, he’ll get overwhelmed. Though, he deals with it very sparsely, as he’ll simply leave the situation or environment if he can and decompress somewhere else.

He absolutely loves to cook and bake. Now, this is not to say he’s the best at cooking, but he is competent when he’s in the kitchen and can cook more than boxed mac and cheese or plain eggs, of which can, at times, be a bit tricky to make. Nonetheless, he really enjoys cooking and making something new, so if he sees a recipe that looks interesting online or from someone else, he’ll put 110% effort into making it to the best of his abilities. He excels in baking, though, always very adamant about trying some random recipe as soon as he can because it either looks good or looks interesting. Granted, he’s burnt a lot of food or overcooked/undercooked a few dishes in his life, but that doesn’t deter him.

He doesn’t bullshit people when he interacts with someone. If a person does or says something that’s generally rude, mean, inappropriate or anything of the like, he’ll either immediately tell them to cut it out, interrupting them, or he’ll wait until he can speak to them privately. He doesn’t play around when it comes to matters like that. He knows how easy it is to lose people or make them hate you by saying something stupid, so if he sees or hears something, he says something. And if the person is beyond repair in their thoughts, words or actions, he’ll very quickly cut them off and inform any relevant people he knows personally about it.

He actually really loves animated films, especially ones from the mid to late 90s and very early 2000s. They hold a place of nostalgia for him and he genuinely loves taking a day or night to just sit down and watch a ton. Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons, Brother Bear, The Brave Little Toaster- ones around that vein are the ones that he can sit down and watch for hours. It’s not necessarily that he ‘turns his brain off’ when he watches them, but he likes to just sit and take time to enjoy them for what they are, were and meant to him. 

He’s an ‘acts of service’ and ‘quality time’ type of person in terms of what love language he shows to others. Doing little tasks and things such as cooking a nice, comforting meal or helping around the house or running an errand, anything he can do to lighten someone’s load is his favorite. And he needs the same done for him from time to time. Additionally, quality time! A comfortable silence that he can share with someone is key. Simply being in a person’s presence- perhaps just working on something with them in the room or anything of the like, it’s his favorite.

He’s not one for sappy words, although he does use them from time to time to show his appreciation of a person, since he believes it’s what most people are familiar with in terms of being shown recognition/appreciation, but it’s not his favorite. He also hates giving gifts, namely because he thinks he’s bad at picking out the right ones but also because he thinks the act is a little empty. The idea of buying someone’s affection? No way. Physical touch is a big no-no with him. He hates public displays of affection, and the only reason he’s alright with it is if it’s in the comfort of his own home, and even that’s a stretch sometimes. 

In a similar vein, the love language he prefers being done unto him are ‘words of affirmation’ and ‘acts of service’. Though he’d never say it, he needs to be told from time to time that he’s doing a good job, to have genuine encouragement and appreciation of what he’s doing or anything else of the like. He’s so hard on himself that he needs that saving grace- a voice to silence the loud ones in his head. Similarly, he likes it when someone is willing to lighten his load- maybe organize his projects and compile them in a format that’s manageable or perhaps getting him something to eat or simply cleaning up his workspace. Generally, he really appreciates it when someone goes out of their way to aid him.

[the-king-of-lemons]

Men Like Us Die Alone Because We Think We Deserve It

au where cjack doesnt come back and he has to deal w jschlatt in hell :) (inspired somewhat by @keyslox​‘s cold limbo au)

palette by @/fivepointpalettes

[argcicle]

hey i’ve been in this fandom for three days and haven’t noticed any hcs for this, but I think Schlatt commonly tells stories/lessons to Grizzly like the Book of Job in the living blocks video

[fuck-you-im-the-president]

Mr. Scary President, sir

I figured out what Q likes. wasn’t that hard, he’s a sweetheart He likes cake cookies. Or cookies in general. Or any other soft or cold deserts. His words.

so, no house search or stuff selling? :]

-🌾 anon

Obviously. all he does is talk. it's so fucking annoying but it's good when I want to know private things. :/

of course he does. he's always fucking eating. he should be grateful that I diet him.

uh huh. yeah. 👍

[la-bruja]

“I jus graduated and I forgot I got my middle name changed, so my diploma jumpscared me”

the name is Ash Jschlatt Alika

[wormtiddies]

remembering something hilarious abt someone u hate is the best thing

[lunar-hive]

I HAVE MORE SCHLATT LORE!! IM WORKING ON REF SHEETS THST WILL GO ON MY ART BLOG (@jaydoesart)!! DO YOU GUYS WANT IT??? THERES SO MANY SCHLATTS BRO PLEASE

[isolawildest]

I am feeling FEELINGS

[darkniters]

jschlatt who whispers to you

twitch dot tv slash jschlatt is online, and you’re well aware due to the loud personality voice schlatt has put on in the other room.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” he yells, the sound echoing throughout the house. you usually check into his streams, but right now your busy figuring out your hours for work and are in no need for distractions.

you look around the living room quickly for a red pen, needing to circle something on the page, but your efforts deem useless. you suddenly remembered schlatt took one into his office with him to do a bit.

you didnt want to find a different red pen because you knew where that one was, so you quietly make your way down the hall before schlatts office.

his fans figured out about you through a lot of bits schlatt would make where he would tag you on twitter or tag any girl he posts on instagram with your username, so you weren’t a private couple, but you still weren’t twitch or youtube public.

you open the door timidly, trying to bring as little attention to yourself as possible. unfortunately for you, the shitty tiktok schlatt was watching just ended, and his spiel afterwards was done.

his head whipped to your direction, and he gave you a grin. you gave him a smile back, and he reached his hand out for you to grab.

you grab ahold of it and make your way behind his chair, head resting on the back of it as your hands snake their ways around his neck.

he speaks briefly to his audience, as he rocks the chair gently from left to right, moving your head along with it. before he looks up at you, eyes full of stars like he’s seen the greatest thing of the entire universe.

“whats wrong?” he whispers, gently. its not a breathy whisper, its just making his voice quieter so the mic can’t pick it up as well (it does still pick it up)

“i know you have a red pen in here and i really need it” you whisper quieter, the mic unable to hear you at all due to you being farther away and also a lot less loud than schlatt.

“oh right yeah,” he reaches to the left of his desk, and grabs the pen. “just be careful its a bit finicky.” he mumbles. his hands reach up to where yours rest around his shoulders, and he gently brings it to his lips, kissing the back of your palm gently.

you smile, take the pen from his grasp, and then peck your head down to kiss the crown of his head, his hair ticking your face. you then break away from him, and thats when you remember he was still live. your face briefly flushes.

schlatt also seemed to have forgotten, as he stares at you grinning as you leave, before he brings his full attention back to the screen. the chat is running like crazy, simply saying your name in all caps and many awws. schlatts cheeks are painted red.

“alright alright chat moment of weakness, lets get a move on.” he continues to stream, but it seems after that encounter; he seemed much happier for the remainder duration of the time live.

[storiesforallfandoms]

sitting on jschlatt's lap ~ h.c

warnings: rpf, some swearing, fluffy fluffy goodness, a little mention of smut but not much

he pulled you onto his lap the first time

you and a group of your friends were hanging out at someone's house, and you had gotten up just long enough to go to the bathroom

when you came back, someone had taken your seat

and there was no other available places to sit besides the floor

"move your feet, lose your seat"

schlatt had patted his lap and said, "i got a seat for ya here, toots"

you didn't think he was serious because, at this point, you weren't dating yet

but, as you tried to walk past him, he took hold of your waist and pulled you down onto his lap

you face was on fire the entire time

but he was so casual about it

it only took a week after that for the two of you to start dating, and every chance he could get, you were on his lap

he was streaming and wanted you to join? you were sat on his lap

watching a movie together? on his lap

hanging out with friends? his lap

fucking you stupid?

well...you get the point

he loved to have you on his lap so he could hold you

believe it or not, schlatt is a very affectionate guy when he's in a relationship

his love language is definitely touch, i'm calling it now, so he'd be touching you whenever he could

but especially he needs you on his lap, with your head on his shoulder and his arms around your waist

that's his favorite position for anything, full stop

[bree-cheesy]

Friends to Lovers HC's for Jschlatt

Sfw and Nsfw (minors fuck off)

Guys, maybe I'll be consistent in posting. Doubt it, though. Yikes. Again, tried to keep it gn!reader. I'm not super used to writing gender neutral so I'm trying my best 😭

Again, writing another person? Be proud?

Now some headcannon's for Mr. Jschlatt himself:

Sfw:

Definitely the friend that hates everyone else except for you.

"Hun, you're just the only good one. What can I say?"

Just let's himself in your house/apartment whenever he wants.

Jambo loves you more then him and he acts like he hates it, but secretly loves watching you shower Jambo with attention.

"Yeah, you can just fucking keep him at this point."

Fake pouting, but smiling like a dorky school girl when you aren't looking.

Sudden realization he's in love with you when you're making him a new recipe for dinner you found online because you know he doesn't like to cook for himself.

Sweet nicknames that make you a little dizzy when he says them.

Accidently confessing his feelings for you when he was drunk at your place after you made him dinner for the third time that week.

Lots of tears and apologies for not saying anything to you before.

"I'm so s-sorry, sweetie.... I'm a horrible friend."

Giving him little kisses on his cheeks after saying you feel the same.

Passing out on your couch together and waking up in your bed after he moved the two of you in the middle of the night, his arms wrapped around you, snoring like a bear in your ear.

------------------------------------------------

Nsfw:

Feeling a not so little something pressing against your ass while he snores.

Wiggling a little, hearing him groan sleepily in your ear and feeling his arms tighten around you.

"Hun, you can't keep moving like that..."

His deep morning voice>>>>>> rumbling through you're body and making you whimper.

Him slipping into you from behind, tweaking your nipples while slowly moving in and out of you.

Slow lazy morning sex.

Soft grunts and moans as he thrusts into you.

"Mmm, fuck, baby.... So fucking good around my cock like that."

Falling asleep again with him still inside you.

[ohbabydollie]

jschlatt x reader who’s so much more confident through text and so shy irl and when he finally meets u he can’t help but tease u the entire time about how shy u are

😁👍 slightly suggestive

you guys became mutual friends accidentally, being in a random discord server together talking on a call that lead to a friendship people didn’t expect

he had only known you online, never meeting you in person and painting a picture of you

he thought you were bold and not shy remotely

calling him mid-stream

“hey, if jambo and [redacted] still need a mommy i could volunteer, you can call me mommy too if ya want” you say smiling as he shows the stream your facetime

the chat blew up with ‘she’s a baddie’, ‘schlatt, if u don’t fuck her i will’, ‘she can fix me’, ‘she can make me worse’, etc.

texting him flirtatiously which his chat has caught on multiple occasions whenever he shows them his phone

he has his mods do damage control for the hundredth stream in a row

even just posting photos with flirtatious captions he knows is directed towards him

a picture of you in a sheep themed bikini with a caption of ‘he makes my daddy issues act up’

EVERYONE IS FREAKING OUT

so many angry simps bashing schlatt for ‘stealing’ you

everyone is FLABBERGASTED from how straight forward you’re being, how obvious you are and how you’re so much bolder than before

they couldn’t wait until your meet up with schlatt and a few others to make some summertime content

everyone thought fan service would be amped up

it ends with you shyly looking up at schlatt, a soft “hi” leaving your mouth

ted acts like a dad whose trying to get his kid to tell the waitress what they want

“c’mon n/n, schlatt doesn’t bite” ted says pushing you towards him

“i won’t unless you’re into that” schlatt says flashing you a smile as you go red in the face

any second the both of you are alone he’s on you

“was that all over the phone just big talk?” he asks cornering you

“n-no! your height is just intimidating” you say putting your hands on his chest

“intimidating? huh? i bet it is for a shy little thing like you” he says smiling as you feel yourself blushing

it’s humiliating and embarrassing

schlatt would take any chance he gets to fluster you and flirt

if you run off to get drinks, he’s slapping your ass and calling you a good girl

if you make him something to eat he’s making a joke about eating you out

any chance he gets to make you blush he’s taking it

“this is the second best thing im gonna eat tonight” schlatt says biting down on a burger before looking at you, “you’re the first”

[fuck-you-im-the-president]

Wow.

You really are the worst person (read: thing) to walk this earth huh?

What makes you think that you of all people are allowed to say that? Against your husband no less?

Alex doesn’t deserve you nor do you deserve Alex. From what I know all he wants is to be treated with respect and kindness which obviously you cannot give him. Not even a minuscule amount? You’re pathetic.

I mean, he cooks for you, he cleans, he even believes that you love him? You made him think he doesn’t deserve respect? What kind of husband are you? Who do you think you are to go around hitting your husband and your son?

Some day Schlatt, you are going to get what you deserve and I hope that when your death comes you have the worst imaginable afterlife. I hope you end up alone because you are not deserving of love.

And for the record- you are in fact racist.

Try to give some sort of respect to your husband you empty low-life.

(OOC: SORRY IF ITS TOO LONG )):

-⭐️

im just telling the truth.

I do give him respect and kindness when he earns it, which isn't hard to do. :/

well, first, he cooks the same stuff over and over. when he cleans he always forgets shit or throws away something important. Sometimes he doesn't deserve respect. How is he supposed to improve without knowing he did something wrong.

Fuck off.

[renranram]

Is there any chance you could make a jschlatt x streamer reader 1shot where she admits she has a small thing for jschlatt on her stream because her viewers asked if she had a crush on any streamers she watches and jschlatt happens to be watching her stream because hes a fan of her🤭 i think its such a nice fic concept :))

Crush

sfw

fem!reader x schlatt

basically the submission hehe

" chat, i am not smashing tommyinit, he's a child! " you roll your eyes as drag the photo of tommy at the 'pass' side

you've been playing smash or pass with your twitch chat for a few minutes now, ' but he's 20 now ' ' he's a grown man ' ' he's a grown man with a husband and a girlfriend ' your chat spams

" well... during my time, he was a child, " you reply, dramatically rolling your eyes as you lean back your seat, talking about your dsmp phase

" but in all seriousness, id still pass him, he's literally like my little brother chat, dont be weird " you chuckle as you scroll to the next option, wilbur fucking soot, you pause, staring dead into the camera

before dragging the thing's photo out of the frame, you let the silence sink in as you glance at your twitch chat

poggerina; o7

y/n4lyfersmwa; mb guys he got out of his leash

bhielatkiffy; WHY IS THE BRIGHTON BITER THERE 😦😦😦😦

you read as you chuckle, " ... anyways.. " you added, scrolling down as a tts donation caught your attention,

y/nsfavkitten donated $15, ' hello y/nn, just wondering if you had any small crush on an old dsmp member? ' the tts reads out

as you shift on your seat, " a small crush? " you repeat, before chuckling, " well.. if you donate another 100 ill tell you " you play it off as a joke

and continue on with the game, you put charlie in smash, ted in smash, jack in pass ( banter ), niki in smash, until the donator actually donated a $100, taking you in surprise

" oh my fucking god, y/nsfavkitten, i was just joking " you chuckle, " should i give you a refund? " you offer, not thinking it'd be serious

y/nsfavkitten: nononono but can you answer my last question? :3

you pause sighing out, before nodding, " for you y/nsfavkitten, fine, i did have a small crush, like a veryyy small crush on someone there " you confess as you can see your chat speeds up

akh1rah_1r: WHO

y/nluvsme: WHO???

jojosiwayouscareme: HELP WHO??

numberoneschlaggot: no way dont tell me you liked dream

" ewww " you squirm, chuckling as you shake your head, " ... i used to have a thing for schlatt " you confess

mitskimybeloved: AHH I CALLED IT

immacomebacklikeaboomerang: ship

renranram : Y/N X SCHLATT CANON FR

you groan out, as you chuckle, " guys dont make it weird " you mumble, a faint blush on your cheek as you shifted on your seat

meanwhile schlatt on the other hand wanted to do backflips, like genuinely, he was like a monkey getting excited over a piece banana

and he thought, why not shoot his shot,

@.jschlatt • 1 minute

same i ship it too, @.y/n'swebbie

↳ 11 ⇆ 9 ♡ 201

as you saw the tweet, your face turned redder like a tomato, chuckling like a teenage girl seeing abs for the first time

" chat, this is all your fault "