greensleeves-redhead · 1 year ago
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"Республика Шкид" or the reason why now I l o v e literally every story about poor orphan cheeky boys
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As If Destiny (part six)🌹
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Part Five🌹
PLEASE READ WARNINGS FOR THIS PART! If any section makes you uncomfortable, please take care of yourself and stop reading. The beginning is especially dark so please feel free to skip ahead to the first line break:
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Warnings: Terminal illness, parent death, death and brutality (it is the hunger games after all) Witnessed death and accidental suicide. Insanity suspected and potrayed. characters may be ooc. I read the book a while ago but don't really remember much of Snows way of thinking (I mean I know its toxic and insane but yk the other things) so I will mostly be basing off the film and my own thoughts. Also I can't spell for the life of me so be prepared for bad spelling and grammar. Enjoy loves!
The flowers just seemed to keep on coming. And coming. And coming.
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Of all of the Capitals wealth, the flowers were only the deep color of blood.
It disgusted you.
But that's what it all looked like to your tear covered eyes. Your vision has been blurry since yesterday morning. Since the cold metal of the golden necklace hit your neck.
Reflecting the cold body of your mother.
The funeral feels as if it going on too slow yet too fast. The fake pledges of sorrow and shows of mourning were suffocating you. But saying goodbye is coming too soon. You've had months to say goodbye and yet you chose to run away, your consciousness hissed at you.
The necklace on your neck felt heavy as you picked up the two dangling rings. Those same rings have always brought a sense of comfort and nostalgia as they were a tell tale sign of your mother. You've seen them a million times but never noticed them.
One was a deep gold with vine engravings covering the entirety of the surface. In the middle was a beautiful light green colored stone that seemed to have endless mirroring panels that shone in the light. On the inside there was a small phrase: "To love, alive and ever lasting. "
The engraved words of commitment seemed to have brought new warm and silent tears streaming across your face. The ring must have been your mother's wedding ring as that was your father's declaration to always love her in his wedding vows.
Of course, you only know this because of the countless nights he stayed up watching her withering form. He kept on re-telling her his vows, remembering every word every time.
She never said a word back.
The other ring seemed far older due to the more dusty look of the gold surface. There were engravings of a family crest, symbolizing the Emberidges. Your mother's maiden name and what used to be one of the longest standing powerful families in all of Panem.
While the family blood lived on in you, the name was sacrificed as you took your father last name, the more recently powerful in comparison: Vaun.
You knew that your mother wasn't an only child but her funeral had no appearance of her siblings. Unlike your fathers dear sister who seemed to be in the act of consoling him in the moment and who has been a crucial pillar of care these past twenty eight hours.
No, any maternal aunts and uncles were butchered in the war. Your uncle Averic was deployed to District 12 and martyred in the dense woods. That day was a dark day for all of the Capital. Not only did the head of House Emberidge fall, leaving no children, but so did the head of House Snow, leaving behind only eight-year-old Coriolanus.
And of all the deaths that day, the one that crushed you the most, the heir of House Vaun. Your dear older brother. He was only fifteen when he reportedly butchered by the rebels. They did not deem him fit for a quick death.
While her brother and nephew fought across the nation, you aunt Fiora was behind in the freezing capital like most. She was the youngest of the siblings, only a mere twenty three years old.
When news came of Alerics death, she couldn't handle the suffocation she felt. And to all of the family's pleas to stay inside, she fled. It had been days of dread and being on the look out when you and sometimes Rhayen went searching for food. The coming day of finding her was a harshly rainy one.
You were once again scouring for something to eat when you had saw Clemensia doing the same. You both had shared a look of understanding in your sunken, tired eyes. Something that should have been beyond the years of two eight year olds.
You scoured for any viable sources of nutrition, jumping over and running around the countless dead bodies. Neither of you look at them too long. The sight horrifying for your young eyes and any in general. Clemensia noticed a few bags of moldy peaches and potatoes. You both nearly ran into the nearby wall in excitement. Splitting it evenly, you bid eachother goodbye and wished thr other to be safe. The streets of the crumbled capital were crawling with vultures and bandits who were more than willing to kill for any food. It could be the peaches and potatoes in your hands.
Or more grimly: your hands.
Those thoughts were intensified when you heared the crush of glass behind you.
Please no.
Please just let me get the food to my family.
You didn't have much of a choice but to run as fast as your little legs could take you. As soon as you picked up speed, so did the clearly heavier and older feer behind you. It was clear that you couldn't outrun them so you had to do what you were always warned of: run into the alleys.
You ran through murky puddles as the rain somehow intensified. The alley twisted and curved leading to who knows where. The feet behind you were not distancing themselves from you, motivating you as you began to naturally slow. You scanned the area for any stairs or holes or anything. Down the street, you found a shaky looking staircase. It was risky, but it was a better option than being someone else's meal.
Bags of food still in hand, you forced your tiny body to march the stairs, even taking two at a time.
As soon as you began stepping on the higher level stairs, the previous wooden step broke off and shattered on the ground on impact. That only made your feet go faster. The scream of the man behind you was heard. The same could be said for the sound of his body hitting the ground.
By the time the roof came into view, you were completely out of breath and collapsed onto the solid surface. You had only grasped your breath when you realized you weren't alone. You looked up to see an extremely dishevelled looking woman. Her hair was all knotted and looked as if it was ripped out in certain parts. She was pacing back and forth mubbiling incoherently.
You weren't sure what to do, absolutely horrified by her presence but you couldn't go down the way you came as the stairs were destroyed.
The roof was completely empty expect for a small unit of machinery. Rushing to hide, you didn't notice a few stones in your path. You fell head first but saved yourself with now scraped hands. However, the thud of your body alerted the frantic woman. She seemed feral to you but as her wild eyes searched you, she was no longer just a maniac.
She was your aunt Fiora.
"Cloria? Oh Cloria you are so young!" Her tear stained eyes ran over your figure and she quickly made her way to you, caressing your cheeks. This was the first instance of the now common occurance of your identity confused with your mother.
"Aunt Fi?" You asked wearily, using the nickname to possibly bring her back to reality. But all did was enrage her.
"Fi? FI? How dare you!" Her rage fueled her hand to hit you straight across the cheek. You face felt as if it was burning and tears began forming in your eyes. Your skin felt raw in the place of impact.
But Fiora was off in her own world. Her voice softend but not in realization of her actions. She drifted off into memory and nostalgia.
"Aleric was the one who made it up. Everyone called me that but he made me feel special. He always protected me you know!" Her voice began to crack and the anger came back to fill it. "I'm going to make them suffer. Every last one of them. I will burn their woods to the ground as each of them are tied to a tree for what they did. I swear it! You hear me!" Her impossibly loud declaration was told to the wind as she seemed to have forgotten your presence.
You took your chance to run to the hiding spot you intended. You grabbed the fallen bags and were nearly there when shrieks of insanity hit your ears. You turned to see your aunt clawing at her face while mumbling threats and death wishes.
Blood began pouring and an especially painful scream was heared as she cut her eye. But she didn't stop, the pain only seeming as more encouragement.
You could do nothing but watch the horror show.
You could do nothing as she got closer and closer to the ledge.
You could do nothing as she fell backwards over the edge.
You could do nothing as the sound of her body splattering echoed.
You could do nothing as you heard a group of men with swords ensuring themselves dinner.
Her screams kept on ringing in your ears as they began mixing in with the recent screams of your mother. They sounded so similar.
Is that how I will sound when I am about to die?
Any further thought was cut off by a hand on your arm. You look up to see who it belongs to when a pair of warm brown eyes filled with sympathy meet yours.
"The funeral is over y/n." He says it quietly in the now abandoned graveyard. What goes unsaid is now you have to officially say goodbye.
You look up to him, pleading for just a little more time. But you both know, you have to say goodbye eventually. You take a deep breath and slide your arm into Sejanus's as you walk over to the casket. You didn't know what to say as the words "goodbye" felt too heavy on your tongue.
Your finger brushed the fine wood untill your hand fully stopped on top of where you assumed her heart to be. You were speechless in sorrow and could do nothing but bend over and kiss the top of the casket, near her head. You gave one last look and turned to Sejanus. He gave you an understanding nod.
You both turned as he slide his arm around you for comfort. The walk to your car where a clearly broken Rhayen stood was silent. When you reached the door, Sejanus opened it for you.
"Are you sure you wouldn't feel more comfortable staying with us? Just for a few days?"
You shook your head in response. "I might stay with aunt Aeris with dad. But I don't want to abandon her home too." You said it heavily and he understood.
Sejanus always understood.
He gave you a small nod and weak smile as he gently closed the door. The closer you got to your home, the more gray the sky became.
How fitting.
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The silence of your penthouse was eerie. It seemed to strangle you with the lack of movement. The house felt cold and empty, void of all life. Rhayen had politely retreated to his quarters.
He had basically lost a daughter. There was no way you were going go ask him of any favors or demands. Not like you needed anything. There was plenty of food sent over by ma plinth. It smelled and looked wonderful but you weren't hungry. Your stomach was full with nausea.
You walked into the foyer, lit up by the open windows displaying the gray skies dimming the Capital. The stone was cold beneath your feet as you surveyed the darkly decorated room. It seemed that in that empty moment, every ounce of emotion rushed through your system. All you could remember was crumbling to the floor in anguish. You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but by the time you had been interrupted with a knock on the door, the windows showed a night sky. You assumed it was Sejanus or his ma checking in on you, so you just quickly wiped your face and blew your nose and not taking a real moment to clean your appearance.
Your feet took hurried steps to the door and opened it to see two tall blondes staring back at you. Tigris and Coriolanus are definitely not your expected guests.
Tirgis took one look at your state and leaned over into your space to give you a comforting and genuine hug. You were slightly suprised but readily returned it. You felt protected in her hug, a feeling you've felt absent of lately.
She pulled back to look into your eyes and check over your face. You nodded in reassurance that you will be fine and shifted focus to her cousin. In his hands were stunning white roses.
"We know how hard today has been for you and we don't wish to stay long. We just wanted to give our sentiment and see if you needed anything." Coriolanus said in a tone of fright that he will make you uncomfortable.
You smiled, something that seemed to surprise you all. "Thank you both truly. Please come in!" You opened the door wider so they could follow you but they shared a look of discomfort.
"Y/N, thank you but we wished to just drop by quickly. We don't want to be a burden. You don't have to treat us with those guest pleasantries." Tigris contrasted.
"You said you wanted to help in any way you could correct?" The pair nod in agreement. "Well I think if I had some company would certainly help me right now. Being on my own doesn't seem to be the best option." You softly confessed. There was a shared look between the two before you grabbed Tigris's hand and dragged her in, Coriolanus following after.
Your three walked into your foyer that opened into your kitchen. You motioned for the two to get comfortable as you took the flowers out of the younger cousins hands. Taking a closer look, you realized that these pearly white flowers looked home grown. You laughed grimly.
"A bouquet of grandma'ams roses."
Tigris looked between the two of you, with a sad expression as she took in your deflated form and Coryo's clouded over eyes.
You turned to find a vase to put them in as the tall boy mumbled. You couldn't really make out what it was but Tigris heard him loud and clear.
"You weren't supposed to get them like this."
He shook his head in defeat as you began watering the precious roses, your back facing him.
You turned back around as you placed the case down in the center of the cabinet island.
"Please tell grandma'am thank you, it means a lot." Tigris smiled back in response with a promise to relay your gratitude. The sound of grumbling stomachs filled the now empty room and you jumped to action.
"Y/N please! Just sit down, we will be out of your hair in no time, please just rest!" Tigris was quick to intervene as you scurried around the kitchen, fixing the two a plate from the plentiful food Ma Plinth cooked up. You refused any sort of opposition and claimed that it would be a waste of such food.
Tigris turned around, expecting support from her younger cousin but was met with nothing but distracted eyes. He knew what you were doing.
If you stood still too long, you would begin thinking. Thinking would lead you to drowning in your sorrow. That's why you took any distraction and threw yourself in it. He knew it wasn't healthy and reality would hit you hard.
But maybe when it does, he will be there to help you back up.
For now, he looks at you with such emotion and rawness in his eyes as he thanked you.
You felt that he was the one who deserved thanks, letting you work out your emotion. Eventually, Tigris realized that she wasn't getting anywhere and surrendered to the delicious meal set in front of her. You placed a small amount of food for yourself to not make them feel awkward. However, much to your relief, your conversation was anything but.
The topics ranged from literature to the most recent capital gossip and everything in between. Who would have thought that on one of the worst days of your life you would be laughing so hard. You may have drowned yourself in guilt if you thought too hard on it but it was impossible with every quip and bicker between the three of you.
It was a few hours in when the sudden thought of Coriolanus's pen hit your mind.
"Oh Coryo, I completely forgot to give you back the pen I stole!"
That made Tigris laugh a bit more. You seemed so concerned for such a small matter. The boy who was supposedly "robbed" try to assure you that no harm was done but you refused.
"I'll be right back! Please feel free to grab anymore food and don't you dare be shy!" You demanded as you walked backwards and turned around when you hit the stairs, rushing up to your room.
The path to your room wasn't very far and as soon as you entered, you saw the shiny white and red pen on your desk. It had been a useful distraction yesterday in the painful drive back to your home infested with death and sorrow. You took a deep breath, pushing away the thoughts and grabbed the pen.
You walked back out in a fast pace until you came to a sudden stop. You stood right infront of the doorway of your mother's old makeshift hospital.
Oh how quick the new becomes the old.
The room looked as if it had never even been touched. No cords, pillows, tissues, or mess anywhere. Clean, tidy, and no trace of a cold, decaying life. You weren't sure how long you stood brooding before the sound of glass shattering shook you out of your haze.
In a panic, you rushed down the stairs to be met with the screams of your enraged father. Rhayen was also there and seemed to try to calm him but he kept pushing the elderly man off of him.
"How dare you both! I know the Snows never had any shame but how dare you walk into my home after such a tragedy! Were my son and wife not enough for you?! What need do you have to take the last good thing in my life?!"
You could hear the rage clearly but the heartbreak in his voice was even more evident.
What broke your heart was the sight of Tigris, clearly holding back tears as she thought over all her actions to see what she did wrong. Your eyes shifted slightly to Coriolanus who no longer held the soft expression he showed around you and his cousin. He had his mask shifted back into place, simply taking the attack from the older man.
"Sir please! I know they meant no harm, they are friends of young y/n!" Rhayen's pleas did nothing more than shift your father's anger towards him.
"Friends? And you knew of this and yet did nothing?! You vowed to protect her and you let her associated with such monste-"
"STOP! They are nothing of the sort and simply came to check in on me! They care for me. Nothing but pure and good care and concern!"
You felt your emotion being held back but such a slim shield you put up to ensure as much authority and confidence in your voice.
Your sudden presence shocked your father as he tried to get you to go back up to your outright refusal. His patience had worn thin.
"Your mother is barely cold and you have brought shame upon her memory!"
You couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They weren't violent as you would have expected but silent and delicate. Your body felt nauseous and faint as if you had just been pounced on. The words cut your already shambled heart and formed little scars of pain.
With a deep breath, you looked past your so called father.
"Thank you Tigris and Coryo." You put and emphasis on the nickname as a message to your father. "I am so sorry, please make it home safely."
They both nodded solemnly and Rhayes began to show them the door before being violently pulled back by the man he was now employed under. Even after everything he said, your father still felt the need to show that the Snows were not even woth a servants time.
Tigris looked straight ahead as she walked past the hate filled man and a quick look at you, which you met with an apologetic smile. Coriolanus, however, met his eyes with no sign of emotion expect defiance. You knew how proud Coryo was of his family's name and it was one of the few possessions of his that he could flaunt.
And to have it so openly dragged was not going to be let down easily. You wondered if he would it against you.
But right before he would have vanished from your viewpoint, he looked back at you with those ever melting deep blue orbs. Even after all he endured, he wanted to check if you were okay.
Any possible communication you could have sent his way was cut off by your father moving in between the sight of you two. The blonde boy got the message and with a soft scoff, made his way out the tension filled apartment.
As soon as the door shut, your father turned his gaze to you. Noticing you were still crying, he softened. But you didn't care. You just shook your head and Rhayen's arms came over your shaking body in comfort. Even in the silence of the penthouse, it was hard to hear your paind and soft voice. But they were sharp enough to cut your father's fury.
"I miss mom.You made me realize just how much I miss her."
You didn't want to see his expression or hear any lecture so you made your way up to your room as fast as you could.
You broke away from Rhayen's embrace, leaving him to be in the uncomfortable presence of your father.
"I did the right thing Rhayen. History was repeating itself!" He tried to justify his actions towards the young heirs of Snow.
Rhayen walked past the disgruntled man to the kitchen where the shattered vase and flowers now lay.
When your father walked into your home looking for his daughter, he was met with two blonde heads who looked far too comfortable for his taste. Then the sight of the pristine white roses came into view and memories flooded his system and rage. He couldn't throw the vase against the marble fast enough.
Rhayen sighed, exhausted as he swept up the victims of anger. "You can't say history is repeating if it isn't the same story. Different story, Tyre."
The man in question wasn't convinced and kept on going, pacing back and forth on the other side of the mess.
"I thought she was with Sejanus. He is a good boy. She is safe with him. Why can't she be satisfied with safe? And his parents love y/n! They always rave about her, especially his mother. It even makes me feel jealous!" That made Rhayen scoff.
Oh Tyre sure was jealous but not of the Plinths.
The glass was nearly all cleaned up now, the long serving man was just taking extra measures as Tyre couldn't seem to stop ranting. He knew the man was struggling with the loss of his wife and taking it out on young y/n was just an unfortunate reaction to it.
"Do you know what Casca told me? The Snows are poor. Dirt poor Rhayen! And that peasant has the audacity to walk in here and act as if he is worth a second of my daughter's time! And did you see the way he looked at me! THE WAY HE LOOKED AT HER- Hey! Throw those out! I don't want to see them for a second longer."
Your father declared his distaste to the flowers Rhayen had brushed off and ensured protection.
"I am sorry sir but they seem to be gifts to miss y/n. And if what you heard was true, such roses as these must have been quite expensive and precious, a luxury the Snows could not afford. Yet, the bouquet was gifted." Rhayen offered and began his trudge up the large stairs.
Tyre Vaun couldn't think of anything that would change the elder man's mind. However, at the top of the stairwell, Rhayen turned with one last message.
"The boy grew up without his father. And I think in this case, it was for the best."
Maybe in the case of the son of Crassus Snow, growing up without the cold father really was for the best.
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You stared up at your textured ceiling as you twirled Coryo's pen in your hand. You stopped thinking a while ago. You just let your mind be taken over the fog as your finger played with the odd texture of the pen. There was clearly something engraved but due to the white surface, you couldn't tell what.
Your little escape of peace from today's activities was interrupted by the knock and subsequent opening of your cream colored door. You turned your head and a relieved sigh was breathed between your lips. Rhayen walked in with one hand behind his back.
He opened the small light near your desk for some light in your dark room but not the overhead ones as to to not burn your eyes. The small action brought a small smile and warmth to your heart.
But that warmth spread all over as you saw what he was hiding behind his back. The beautiful roses of Coriolanus. You looked up at him with a look that you warm even the coldest of men.
He smiled at your joy. "I couldn't save the vase, but I think these are what matter." You take the roses in you hands as you just sat there astonished.
Even though they were flung across the room and smashed, they seemed even more beautiful than before. In the dim dark light, their little rips and dips just added to their radiance.
You were so engrossed with the roses that you didn't notice Rhayen leave your room, closing the door behind him. Getting up, you moved the bouquet to the vase that stood proudly in the middle of your vanity with the other white flowers Coryo picked for you on your walk.
It brought you a great amount of joy that the flowers that joined it were from the same charming boy.
When you walked back to your bed, a small note caught your eye. You unraveled it and a shiny ring fell out. In fear of losing it, you quickly pick it up. Taking a brief look, it was a bright silver with small dazzling blue diamonds surrounding the surface. Your attention is returned to the note.
"This was gifted to your sweet mother when she was your age. You wear her face, her character, and now her rings. It would be an offense to her not to share this last part of her. Don't tell your father but be patient with him. And remember your mother's words: don't change sweet girl."
The letter wasn't signed but you could tell from the slightly messy and angled handwriting it was from Rhayen. He had taught himself to write and you knew he would use the skill whenever he had the chance. And you were most glad that he used it now.
Even though the note and the words within them suprised you slightly. You put the note by the flowers and took the ring in your hands.
Beneath the light, all the details were brought out. The small diamonds were more than there for show. In fact there placement was quite intentional. It seemed that thousands of miniature diamonds were placed to form a beautiful shape, each a bit different than the others on either side.
As you slid the ring in place with the others on your neck, you take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror. On either side, there was a golden ring but in the middle stood out a bright silver.
A ring that dazzled in the light and the dark.
The ring of a thousand snowflakes.
The ring of Snow.
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A/N: Hey guys! Sorry if you got notification that it posted earlier and saw nothing, tumblr was freaking our on me and kept on posting my drafts! I know this was far longer than the last part, thank you for reading. And I am sorry if this was a bit too dark but I think it's important for context later in the story and especially readers struggle with the Hunger Games and morals. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Much love! ❤️
@notyourwildestdream 🌹@darktrashsoulbear🌹@fantasylovestoryme 🌹@nekee-lilac02 🌹@a-avengerparker 🌹 @queenofshinigamis 🌹@darlingisntit 🌹
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valeffelees · 7 months ago
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Oh do tell about that snowbaz au of yours 👀
I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO, thank you so much tumblr user pidgelikethebird (and also my most beloved and loyal companion @drowninginships) for providing me the enrichment i need to survive the winter.
ok gimme a min here to turn my thoughts into comprehensible words. i'm gonna say right now: this post is gonna be a LONG one, but 10 out of 10 scientists agree you should read to the end.
so, if you didn't know, The Beauty Inside is a Korean romcom from 2015, based off an American short film of the same name; the orig short film i linked is an extremely quick watch (only 6 episodes, each one 4-10 minutes long) and i would absolutely recommend it, but the very basics of the premise is that: a man wakes up in his bed on his 18th birthday to find he's in a completely different body than his own, and every day since then, he wakes up as somebody new.
AND OBVS I JUST HAD TO FUCKING SNOWBAZ THAT, which is how my AU, titled In the Many Ways of Loving You, was born:
Simon Snow wakes up every day as somebody new; the only person who knows the truth is Penny, his best friend and roommate, since she's been by his side since it all began ten years ago.
he works on commission as a custom bookbinder—like, he has an Etsy or some shit, i dunno, some kinda online shop where people can commission him in a variety of ways to rebind their favourite books, either by paying extra for Simon to buy the book himself and rebind it from new and send it to them, or sometimes collectors will send their personal copies to him to have him rebind them, and he's very good at it, and N E WAY the point of this is that he has a small bookshop he's been going to regularly for the last eight or so years, because it's close to his and Penny's flat, and where the story begins: Baz is a new employee that just started working there about two weeks ago and Simon has a massive crush on him.
ok, now. day one: when we meet Simon for the first time, he wakes up and he's lovely and blonde and brown-eyed and ok, yeah, i've just made him look like Agatha bc i thought it'd be kinda funny, esp since Agatha's not actually in the fic otherwise.
and Simon has to pick up a copy of some random book from the bookshop today bc someone bought a custom binding of it, so he goes down and, as usual, since it's his job, Baz has to come over to talk to him and is like, "hey, can I help you with anything?" and Simon doesn't need any help bc he's been coming to this shop for years, but every time Baz asks he says yes bc he wants the excuse to talk to him, and on this day Simon is like, wait. i'm so hot rn. so he asks Baz out—
and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not.
and Simon is like 👁️👄👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony.
but whatever, fine. a guy like Baz is prolly already in a proper relationship, and it's always a bad idea for Simon to get involved with someone he has to see on the reg. he had to start going to a different coffee shop that's twenty minutes out of his way bc he went out on a great date with one of the baristas at his old spot and then obvs couldn't go out again after just that one time, and it made him super emo, so really, Baz saying no was prolly for the best.
TIMESKIP, it's been a few days and Simon has to go down to the bookshop again. but this time he's a bloke. and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike... four hours. are you doing anything?
and Simon is like. OH. OH!!!
that whole "it's prolly for the best" thing? yeah, fuck that, that was Simon of the past, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about bc cute bookshop guy wants to hang out and so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.
'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever. they go out and like fucking B&E a museum after hours bc Simon knows someone like the janitor or something (i dunno) leaves one of the back doors unlocked so he can step out for a cig every few hours, so they sneak in and have the time of their life running around looking at art while trying not to get caught, and we're going to use the suspended disbelief bestowed upon us by the power of romcoms to pretend security cameras aren't a thing, and it is BRILLIANT. like, Simon and Baz have so much chemistry, and when the night ends Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again."
and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't. no matter how much he wants to, he can't. when he wakes up tomorrow he's going to be someone new, so he can't, he can't, he can't, he—
"Yeah," he says. "Tomorrow?"
SIMON NO!!!
"It's a date."
FUCK!!!
ok, so now we have a problem. Simon can't just stand him up, i mean he could but he doesn't want to, and he really does want to see him again, so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.
Baz, the next day: "You look exhausted."
Simon, wired asf on caffeine and trying to be smooth: "Had someone on my mind all night."
and then they go have another wicked date, but i have nothing in my notes about what it is. oh, i have them living in Canada in this fic btw bc as a rule, if a fic doesn't have to be set in England, i move them to Canada for comfort. so i might have them go cliff jumping or something? who knows. we'll go with that for now.
cue the romcom montage.
[mother tongue starts playing SO DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME FALA AMO, JUST LET YOUR HEART SPEAK UP AND I'LL KNOW]
ok. post-date. Simon is so dumb and infatuated with Baz and does something only a boy who is dumb and infatuated and sleep-deprived would do in his situation, and he goes back to Baz's flat with him to "watch a movie", or in other words: the movie starts and then they prolly have sex, but in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???" so i guess it's kinda up in the air.
either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.
Simon, half-asleep: [PANICKED FLAILING] BAZ IT'S ME!!! STOP THROWING THINGS!!! BAZ!!! IT'S ME, IT'S SIMON!!!
and Baz is like: WHAT THE FUCK
and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN
and Baz is like: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE
and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!
so, here's a detail from the orig film that comes into play here: in the orig movie, the MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days, so he gives Baz his phone and tells him the whole story while Baz scrolls through these short like minute long videos of Simon on various days going, "Hey, this is me today. I have [this and such] thing to do, blah blah blah."
and the thing is, Baz recognises him in some of them. bc Simon is always coming into the bookshop. he stops watching when he gets to the day Simon looked like Agatha, and Simon has been quiet for a while at this point, just letting Baz process.
Baz: "I want you to leave."
Simon takes his phone without a word and goes. Penny picks him up on the corner a block over and drives him back to their flat. she doesn't ask what happened. she already has a pretty good idea.
when Simon's next commission comes in, he thinks about going to another bookshop, he really does. but this one is so convenient, esp since Simon can't drive bc he can't risk getting pulled over carrying a licence that doesn't have his face on it, and he's been going there for eight years and it's not like Baz will recognise him anyway.
so, to the bookshop he goes, but this time when Baz comes up to ask if he needs help, Simon is like, "haha, no that's okay," and goes back to looking for things on his own, and Baz kinda lingers awkwardly for a moment before going on his way, but then when Simon comes up to the till to pay for the book, Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave—
"Simon?"
SORRY, YOU WHAT?
"What?" Simon gapes at him. "How did— how did you? But I'm—"
"Can we talk?" Baz asks.
"How did you know it was—"
Baz shouts over to the other employee on the floor that he's taking his lunch break, and Simon just slowly follows him out of the shop with the book forgotten, unpaid for, at the check-out.
and here's the deal, Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again. and Simon is like, see what? and Baz is like, you. the... whatever that you do, i want to see you change.
and that's how Simon ends up bringing Baz back to his flat, and btw: Simon has a rule about never bringing people back to his flat bc it's weird as fuck. his room is really tiny, and it's cluttered as fuck in a Howl's bedroom type way. he keeps to the same cheap, casual style for all his clothes, but he needs things in a bunch of sizes. shoes are a nightmare. he has to take care of his hair in a million different fucking ways. so he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox, and his mattress has no frame. that shit is just on the floor, so it takes up less space. and there's this mirror, a wide full bodied mirror, propped up against the wall facing the bed, so that the first thing Simon can do each day is roll over and look at himself.
Simon and Baz have supper together, they talk, they pretend this isn't weird as fuck and, even though it is weird as fuck, they still have so much chemistry, and this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?
morning comes. Simon wakes to Baz's hands on his face. which is already and improvement compared to last time. Baz is looking at him very seriously, but also very like. softly. he's touching Simon's features, tracing them, and Simon is quiet for a very long time, watching him do this, until he's just like. what are you doing.
Baz: "Getting to know you." A pause. "Why does it happen?"
Simon: "I don't know."
Baz: "Are there other people like you?"
Simon: "I don't know."
Baz, sighing: "Well, what do you know?"
Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like... if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change."
Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."
Simon: "Yeah."
and from there, Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.
(detail from this point that is relevant later: Baz and Simon make a game out of Baz recognising Simon at work on days when he hasn't seen yet what he looks like. Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.)
but then Christmas comes. and Baz has to go home to see his family. and i don't have an exact idea of how this convo goes, only that it is not a fight of any kind, like, it is a normal convo about the holidays but Baz apologises to Simon during it for not telling his family about him, he says they'd want Baz to bring Simon home if he did (bc i just don't wanna fuck with homophobia in this so we've shot Malcolm with the ally beam) and he wouldn't know how to explain Simon's whole... thing to them, and Simon kinda realises that like. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with.
SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.
like, Baz comes back from his family's place, annoyed that Simon hasn't returned any of his texts or calls, only to find that Simon and Penny have literally fucking moved flats in the two weeks he's been gone. and obvs he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.
Simon goes out of his way to find a new bookshop to go to, and that's the end of things for about a week or so, and i haven't actually decided what happens here exactly, but the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.
but remember that game they played? so yeah, Baz walks up to say his usual like, "hey, can I help you find anything?" but he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.
scene change: they're in Simon's new flat, like maybe Baz demanded that if Simon is going to break up with him he owes it to him to do it goddamn properly, but i dunno. details, details. but they end up getting in a huge fucking fight and Simon reveals the reason he ghosted Baz was bc he realised Baz can't have a real life with him and Baz is like:
"You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—"
"You don't even know what I look like!"
"I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him. The rest doesn't matter, how can you not see that? Stop telling me I'm not allowed to love you however you are, I'll love you a hundred different ways, Simon. Any size, any shape. I'll love you over, and over, and over. That's a life for me. A real life for me. You!"
and then Simon throws his arms around Baz's neck and hugs him like he needs him to breathe and Baz clings to his shirt and they're both prolly crying all loud and gross, but it's fine. they're gonna be fine.
the next day: Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Like this one, then?" he says.
"Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders... Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."
Simon laughs and rolls over to pin Baz to the mattress, grinning at him. he goes to say something, prolly rib at him the way they do, but as he does he catches his reflection in that mirror he keeps by his bed and he freezes.
"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!"
Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—"
Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me."
Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—"
"Fuck, holy shit!" Simon grabs his curls with both hands. he hasn't touched these curls in ten fucking years. he looks older than he remembers himself, which is a given, but it's definitely him. his father's eyes, his mother's chin. the moles on his cheek, above his eyebrow, below his ear.
Simon freaks out in a way that kinda toes the line between being happy and being a breakdown, he throws himself at Baz, and they both fall back onto the bed and Simon is laughing and he's shaking and he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, but holy fuck, he has his own face, he has his own body, he has his own hands. Baz pushes them apart so he can get a look at him, and Simon is actually kinda self-conscious when he does, which is a new feeling. he never has to feel self-conscious about anything, usually, since he knows every flaw or insecurity isn't really his, and will be gone the next day, but this is just... him.
Baz takes Simon's face in his hands and then, breathlessly, "Hello, Simon Snow."
AND THEN THEY KISS bc what else would they do here.
and uhh, yeah. so. Simon goes out to the kitchen where Penny is making breakfast and she loses her shit when she sees him. big hugs all around. Baz really does take the day off work to spend it with Simon, even though that just means lying around on the sofa watching movies while Simon works on his current rebinding commission. when Penny gets home that evening, they order takeaway and sit around the lounge room playing boardgames together until late, late, late into the night. Penny falls asleep in the armchair, and now it's 3-am.
Simon is tired. he's looking at the clock, sitting with his knees up and his arms around them, with Baz beside him. Baz has his forehead on his shoulder, an arm around his waist. he doesn't want to go to bed, because what if... what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—
"We'll still be here," Baz whispers, exhausted. "And you'll still be you. No matter what, Simon."
and so they go to bed.
Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck.
"Good morning, Simon Snow."
AND YEAH, that is the entire plot of my The Beauty Inside AU.
i told you this was gonna be a long one, but if you've made it all the way to the end of this mess, thank you kindly again for indulging me!
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our-detective-so-supreme · 11 months ago
Note
For the ask game
19), 9), 38) and 14)
Thanks for the ask! :D
19) Which is the funniest moment in the series?
Moran in the anime version of the Phantom of Whitechapel arc, specifically at the start and end. I can't help but crack up when he calls Louis a "traitor". 'Cause it's like? How??? XD
To clarify: I know what he was getting at in that scene, but I can't help but laugh at him! At least he comes around later.
Then at the end when Jack joins the team, again, idk what Moran was so worked up about, but it's just so hysterical! Especially his "Huh?!" in the dub!
9) Sexiest character
Just one?
Well, Moran is basically 75% of the series' fanservice; I mean, look at those muscles! Well, actually most of the guys are ripped-
Then of course, there's William with his infamous line that sends chills up my spine every time!
I don't think I can choose just one; I could so easily measure them on a scale of cute to sexy, however! (I'll have to do that for a separate post, though; these answers are getting kinda long-)
38) Do you read or watch any other adaptations of Sherlock Holmes?
As a matter of fact, I do! :)
The Granada TV series is one that I'll always recommend; it was actually what got me to read the canon again! The attention to detail and faithfulness to the source material are things I never get tired of. There is a reason subsequent adaptations pay homage to the late Jeremy Brett; he was literally born for the role. (Heck, he was even Jean Doyle's headcanon Sherlock)
And while I'm currently taking a break from it (very long story), the Hayao Miyazaki & Kyosuke Mikuriya collab that is Meitantei Holmes (known in English as Sherlock Hound) is another great anime based on Sherlock Holmes. It has many of the traits typical of the Ghibli movies. Need I say more? Also, that version of Moriarty is essentially inB4 Waluigi.
The Great Mouse Detective (the children's books, not the Disney film, though it's good too) is another series I've enjoyed so far, even though I've only covered three of the eight books so far. I look forward to continuing when I get the chance!
Much like YuuMori, these three are also really great introductions to the canon, or just enjoyable on their own.
I've seen others, too, but I don't think I can really recommend them as much. Maybe I should make a tier list one of these days!
14) What is your favorite quote or scene?
The scene in The Final Problem arc where Fred tells William there's really no reason for him to die had an impact on me.
Because aside from it being absolutely true, it's also the first time Fred speaks up without so much as a nudge from anyone else. That was all on his own accord. And if he does finally get a backstory in Part 2 (please Miyoshi-sensei!) , it will only add more to his speech later on. Though even without a backstory, it still tells us how much William means to Fred (and the others as well, obviously).
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denimbex1986 · 7 months ago
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''Does the world need another cinematic representation of the Ripley story?' That is the question I asked myself when the teaser, and then trailer, of the new Netflix series dropped a few months ago.
I answered the question myself: 'Yes, of course, we can definitely do with more Ripley on the screen, even when I know the story so well.'
I have been a fan of the films based on the character Tom Ripley, a conniving imposter, an insecure man and yet utterly charming, created by Patricia Highsmith in her five Ripley books also referred to as Ripliad, starting with The Talented Mr Ripley (1955), the source for the 1960 French film Purple Noon directed by Rene Clement (the restored version of the film was re-introduced to the world in 1996 by Martin Scorsese). The same book was also adapted by Anthony Minghella for his 1999 film, also called The Talented Mr Ripley.
The new Netflix series, written and directed by Steven Zaillian (Oscar winner for Schindler's List), is based on Highsmith's first book.
While I will admit I have not read Highsmith's books (her 1950 novel Strangers on a Train was adapted for the screen by Alfred Hitchcock), I have been engaged with the Ripley films for some time, including Ripley's Game (2002) starring John Malkovich. No spoiler here, but Malkovich makes a surprise appearance in Zaillian's Ripley.
There is also a Wim Wenders' take on Ripley's Game called The American Friend (1977), which is on my watch list. In last year's Saltburn, Barry Keoghan plays a Ripley-like character. Emerald Fennell's film is clearly inspired by the Ripley story, but it also takes many departures from Highsmith's narrative.
So I really waited for the Netflix show.
There were many reasons why I was looking forward it, one of which was that it stars Andrew Scott -- the 'hot priest' from Fleabag, who recently shattered our hearts into small pieces with his tragic performance in All of Us Strangers (a film criminally ignored by Oscar voters).
Zaillian's eight-part slow-burning, moody and at times riveting show, with stunning black and white cinematography stands on its own. But I could not help that the other versions of the Ripley story played in my mind at the same time.
In a 1971 short French documentary, Highsmith talked about seeing a man walk on the beach in Positano, Italy. The documentary is available on the Criterion Channel.
It was in the early 1950s, 6 am.
The man looked upset.
From that image of the man who Highsmith did not speak to, she created Ripley, her most famous fictional character who impersonates his friend, is an expert at forgery and even kills to survive in the world of the rich and the famous, where he is an outsider. In the same interview, Highsmith said she did not think Ripley was very likable.
But the Ripley in Zaillian's show, as well as in Purple Noon (a very handsome Alain Delon) and The Talented Mr Ripley (an equally handsome Matt Damon) are all very likable. That is why we care so much for the character. We want Ripley to survive even when he leaves a trail of crimes -- horrific murders and forged bank checks.
A part of it has to do with Ripley's insecurities and how he is taunted by his friend -- Richard Greenleaf, better known as Dickey, played by a charismatic Johnny Flynn in the current show. Flynn is good, but possibly overshadowed by Jude Law, who played a very sexually charged Greenleaf in Minghella's film, which also had the most gay subtext among all the representations of the story.
Ripley was sent to Italy to track Greenleaf by his wealthy shipbuilding father, played in the show, by a subdued, yet tough Kenneth Lonergan, better known as a playwright and director of films such as Manchester By The Sea.
Greenleaf Senior funded Ripley's trip to Italy. But when his son shows no signs of returning to the US, he decides to cut the flow of money and cancel the large sum he had promised Ripley upon completion of the job.
That is when Ripley's life, his plans and dreams start to fall apart.
In order to pick up the pieces and stand back on his feet, Ripley starts to commit crimes: Some that take place in the heat of passion, while others are meticulously planned and executed.
We watch Andrew Scott's Ripley struggle through the mess he has created, at times finding it hard to keep it straight in his head if he is Ripley or Greenleaf, while the police are trying to track the two down and solve the complex twists in the narrative.
He jumps hotels and moves from one Italian city to another.
The show at times becomes a tourism piece for Italy where the camera lovingly strolls along the beaches, streets, old historic parts and steps of several Italian cities including Rome, Naples, Palermo, Atrani, San Remo, even Venice.
The show takes its own pace to pick up, but then when you least expect, it grabs you by the throat.
There are some delightfully dark and creepy moments. An entire episode set in Rome is dedicated to Ripley trying to dispose of a body, as he drags it down a staircase (the elevator in the building keeps breaking down) leaving a trail of blood, that looks rather gooey in dark shades of black.
We also find a lot of beauty in Zaillian's show, especially in the performances of two of the principal cast members. Dakota Fanning plays Marge Sherwood, Dickie Greenleaf's love interest who quietly suffers as Ripley gets close to her boyfriend.
Zaillian made a very unique casting choice by casting Eliot Sumner (Sting and Trudie Styler's non-binary child) to play Dickie's wealthy friend Freddie Miles. Eliot has soft, gentle features which makes his Freddie quite menacing.
In Minghella's film, Philip Seymour Hoffman was cast as Freddie and he used his deep voice and physicality to scare Ripley, and make him nervous.
But the real star of the Netflix series is its stark black and white cinematography -- the work of master cameraman Robert Elswit (Oscar winner for There Will Be Blood).
Every shot, every frame is precious.
It is film noir at its best but inspired by classic films such as Citizen Kane (1941) and The Third Man (1949).
I wish I could have spent time taking screen shots of many of the scenes on my laptop but Netflix's copyright laws do not allow that. If a coffee table book is produced of the images from the show, I will be first in the line to buy it.
Ripley streams on Netflix.
Ripley Review Rediff Rating: ****'
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densi-mber · 2 years ago
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One Minute to Midnight
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A/N: I can’t believe it’s the last day of Densimber! I hope you guys enjoyed the festivities, had nice holidays if you celebrated any, and have a great new year. Thanks for joining in and for all your lovely thoughts and contributions.
And of course, thanks to @mashmaiden for creating and running densimber and being and all around great friend. ❤️
***
“Wait a second, why is there a mannequin?” Callen asked, frowning at the TV screen in Kensi and Deeks’ darkened living room.
“There’s a store across from his workshop,” Deeks said in a hushed whisper.
“I thought they were having dinner and discussing the 5th dimension.”
“That’s because you keep checking your phone,” Sam muttered, grabbing Callen’s phone like a perturbed parent and tucking it next to his leg. “He’s traveling through time. Now pay attention.”
Callen didn’t seem that bothered, and Deeks predicted he’d have his phone back in a matter of minutes.
Sharing a grin with Kensi, Deeks pressed his cheek against hers, offering her the open end of his box of milk duds. She shook a few candies into her hand, and kissed his cheek in thanks.
Deciding to forgo yet another party, they’d decided to get together for snacks and every New Year related movie Deeks could find. The commentary was entertaining, to say the least.
“Ew, what are those blue things?” Rosa asked, looking up from her spot near Kensi and Deeks’ end of the couch.
“Morlocks,” Deeks answered with relish.
“This doesn’t seem like a very festive movie,” Rountree commented, taking a handful of popcorn, and passing the bucket back to Fatima.
“It starts out on New Year’s Eve,” Deeks explained patiently, just the way he had the first time he showed it to Kensi. “I eight the first time I watched it with my mom.”
“You say that like it’s a good thing,” Sam muttered. “Oh come on, how has she never heard of fire before?”
“I thought you read the book,” Callen said.
“Well, it was a lot different that this film adaption. Besides, I read it in high school.”
“Which we all know was roughly a millennium ago.”
“Are you done? I’m trying to watch the movie.”
“Hey, quit hogging all the popcorn, Devin!” Fatima and Rountree tussled briefly over the dwindling popcorn.
“This probably wasn’t what you pictured when you suggested movie night,” Kensi whispered in Deeks’ ear. Between the arguing and Callen’s continued ridiculous commentary, no one was paying attention to them.
“Uh, this is pretty much exactly how chaotic I imagined it,” Deeks said. He nodded to Rosa, who was yawning widely, her head leant against Kensi’s knee. “Totally worth it though.”
“Yeah.” She held up a milk dud, and Deeks grabbed one from the box for a modified cheers. “To a good, and hopefully less chaotic year.”
“Amen to that.” Grinning playfully, he tipped Kensi over the arm of the couch, kissing her.
***
A/N: This story features a tradition borrowed from my own family. Also, beware the Morlocks.
The movie referenced is the 1960 Time Machine movie based on the book of the same name by H.G. Wells.
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spacefinch · 1 year ago
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Finch’s ramblings: Magic School Bus
This is a franchise I essentially grew up with. I spent hours reading the books in the classroom, and watched the entire classic series.
I used to own all 20 MSB chapter books. Each one was narrated in the first person from a student’s point of view. “Space Explorers” (narrated by Carlos) and “Penguin Puzzle” (narrated by Phoebe) were my favorites.
The first MSB episode I remember watching is “Goes Cellular”— aka the one where Arnold turns orange.
Phoebe was by far one of my favorite characters in the show. She’s kind and caring, and has red hair, just like me! Even better: she shares her name with one of my favorite birds. Naturally, I was very disappointed that the reboot excluded her.
For my 9th birthday, I had a Magic School Bus party— specifically rainbow themed. My friends and I walked around in a big cardboard bus, and we did lots of colorful activities.
I was more used to the show and the books published afterwards, so it came as a bit of a surprise when I read the OG books by Joanna Cole. Here were the main eight students, plus more that I still can’t keep track of.
Another one of my favorite characters (and possibly my first childhood crush) was Carlos. It’s partly thanks to him that I took an interest in telling jokes. (The other part that influenced my joke telling was my mom.)
The friendships in the show are the best: to this day, I’m still looking for those kind of friends.
Dorothy Ann was yet another favorite character of mine. I could definitely relate to her: always ready to infodump, and never comfortable without at least a few books on hand.
I found I could relate to pretty much all 8 students:
Arnold’s nervous/cautious personality and love of rocks
Ralphie’s imagination and energy
Keesha’s perceptiveness and common sense
Phoebe’s love of animals and her quiet, yet fierce spirit
Carlos’s sense of humor and stubbornness
Tim’s love of art and film
Wanda’s sense of adventure and unwillingness to back down
Dorothy Ann’s book smarts and curiosity
When I was 12, I had a seizure, which resulted in a bad fall and a stay at the hospital. It took several days to recover, and MSB was one of the things that kept me going during that time. While I did enjoy getting to watch multiple episodes in a row, I never want to have to go to the hospital again for a seizure. I’ve only had a few of them, and the only thing stopping me from having another is my prescription medication.
Looking back, I really appreciate the representation in the show.
It’s possible to headcanon all the main characters as neurodivergent.
Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR redheads (Ms. Frizzle, Arnold, Phoebe, and Janet.) And it’s some of the best rep I’ve seen.
I also liked how the POC students (Keesha, Tim, Carlos, and Wanda) were portrayed. They did have key trademark personality traits, but those weren’t based on stereotypes. Instead, you have: girl who’s super perceptive and good at getting to the bottom of a mystery (Keesha), guy who really likes to draw and photograph things (Tim), guy who tells the best dad jokes (Carlos), and a girl who’s more of a daredevil than any of the other students (Wanda.)
The disability rep was another plus. As I mentioned, I already consider the majority of characters in the show to be autistic or ADHD. I also enjoyed seeing Carlos’s little brother Mikey, even if he was in only two episodes. I like the fact that Mikey is a wheelchair user, but that isn’t his only personality trait. Given what I know now, I’d consider his personality to be: combination of Scotty from Star Trek TOS, Peter Parker from Marvel, and Hiro Hamada from Big Hero 6.
Other things I liked:
All the color! From the Friz’s dress designs to the kids’ outfits to all the places they explored, there was no shortage of color.
The references to other well-known things. By far my favorite is the entire “Out of This World” episode. The bus in its spaceship form looks just like the USS Enterprise, and the kids get to wear Star Trek style outfits. If you are a Trekkie, I would recommend you watch this episode if you only have time to watch one.
Well, it’s getting late, so I’d better turn in for the night. I hope you guys like this look at a key part of my childhood, and a tiny bit of personal lore.
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Week Eight
Unpacking your chosen elements:
Bob The Builder
Bob the Builder. My favourite show when I was a baby, my parents have said that they could not take pull me away from watching it or I would cry and scream. My first word was Bob, and Bob the Builder was my first birthday cake. 
Movie Symbol
Film. My love and obsession with TV and movies has been around ever since I first discovered film. My room is full of posters from my favourite TV shows and I even collect Lego from some of my favourtie movies. 
YouTube Symbol
Youtube. Youtube was a creative media that was a big part of my growing up. I remember  coming home from school every day and watching any new videos released by my favourite YouTubers.
Apple Logo
Apple. The first ever Apple product I ever owned was an IPod touch 2 that I got for my 10th Birthday. Ever since then I have been a loyal Apple customer. I am technology obsessed and this has only grown since I began studying graphic design.
The Simpsons
The Simpsons. The Simpsons was a huge inspiration of mine growing up. I loved the show so much it’s the reason the first ever dream job I had was “to be an  animator”.
Sunglasses
My sunnies. My favourite pair of sunglasses that barley ever get worn until summer time rolls around. These sunglasses remind me of summer break, Christmas, New Years, and spending time with my friends and family.
Auckland
Auckland. Auckland was where I was born and raised. I’ve moved around a bit growing up, but never left Auckland. I think Auckland will always feel like home to me no matter where I end up in life.
Book
A book. This drawing was based off one of my books from the series ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ or better known as ‘Game of Thrones’. I’m a huge nerd and love all things fantasy. I’ve loved reading for as long as I can remember.
Air Jordans
My favourite pair of shoes that I got for christmas last year. I love fashion and I had my eye set on this pair of shoes for months. I find I’m very specific with my taste and know exactly what I like and what I don’t most of the time.
Koalay teddy
My Koala teddy that is very precious to me. His name is Koalay and he was my aunties when she was a child before he was passed down to me. I remember my Auntie telling me to ‘take good care of him’ and that I have.
Mirror
My desk/makeup mirror. Another object that I use every day. I have had this mirror for years now and it has been very reliable and trusty. I bring it with me whenever I go away as it is just small enough to pack.  Perfect getting ready mirror.
Sunscreen
My sunscreen. Ever since a very young age my Mum has drilled into me to wear sunscreen every day, a lesson that I have carried with me into adulthood. I put sunscreen on every day no matter the weather.
Makeup Sponge
My makeup sponge. Probably the most used object in my makeup routine as I use this after ever step to blend everything out smoothly. A sponge will come with me any time I’m traveling or going out.
Makeup Brush
One of my makeup brushes. This brush is from a set I ordered from England from one of my favorite makeup brands. I’ve always seen makeup as another media of art that I’m very passionate about.
Watercolour palette
A watercolour set that my Nana gave me for Christmas one year. My Nana is my only grandparent so I am very close with her, she is a painter and whenever I would visit as a kid we would spend the day painting in her backyard.
Perfume
My favourite perfume. Even though I’m a broke university student I always find enough money to restock on this perfume when I run out. The smell is perfect, not too strong or too sweet. I wear this every day and love having a signature smell.
Pencil
One of my pencils. Pencil drawing will always be my safety net, as it’s what I’ve been doing for the longest. Even as I learn and improve my skills in other areas of art pencil drawing will always be a favourite as that was where it all began.
Headphones
My headphones. I barley ever go anywhere without headphones or air buds. I need my music constantly, on the bus, walking, working out, doing design homework, I’m listening all the time to every genre there is.
Hair brush
My hairbrush. Another gift from my mum. Me and both of my two sisters all have matching brushes and I find it the best brush for my hair. Nothing else has the same effect and I bring it with me everywhere.
Gold necklace
A necklace I got from my Mum for my 16th Birthday. This necklace is real gold with gem in the eye. I treat it very carefully as it is such a beautiful piece of jewelery that I plan of having for the rest of my life.
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billconrad · 1 year ago
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Overcoming Critics
    The movie/book, The Princess Bride, has an excellent quote: “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” There is great wisdom in these few words.
    I will never be a big-time author, and I accepted this fate before I started writing, but I strive to be my best. The few people who have read my work have been kind with their sentiments, but there have been critics. The first negative review stated I was “too descriptive.” I immediately wanted to yell, “What does that mean?! How can a book be too descriptive? The point of a book is to describe something. That’s why it is called a book and not a rainbow!”
    I moped for a week and came to understand the issue. At my core, I am an engineer, not an artist full of flowery words. My descriptions were meticulous and constructed with care. I am improving at flowering things up, but I have a long way to go. I mean a long journey of discovery and breakthroughs. No, wait, I can do better…
    Let’s create a simple example of this issue. “The man walked into the room.” This simple statement evokes little in the reader’s eyes, but it was good enough for me. Here is a better description, “Bob noticed a man enter the room. He stood five-foot-eight with blond hair and was dressed in a trim blue suit. He had deep intent while scanning the assembled people. Bob became worried when the man did not recognize anybody, but there was little he could do about it.” Much better.
    Because this was my first work, I should have expected some pain because there will always be haters. Otherwise, everybody would write books. As an engineer, I understand negative feedback is more important than positive.
    It takes effort to be negative. For example, I could immediately write ten compliments about the television show Rick and Morty. That effort would be easy and fun, which is the definition of a positive experience. But what would those compliments tell a person who has never seen the show? I appreciate Rick and Morty. What do the creators gain by reading my compliments? My positive words would not help them improve their work but would provide a warm feeling and perhaps the drive to continue.
    Let’s look at a recent real-life example. I started watching the Liam Neeson movie, The Commuter, but could not enjoy the story. Maybe it was my mood, or I had no interest in watching a drama. After fifteen minutes, I stopped watching and gave it two out of five stars on Netflix.
    So, Mr. Negative. What feedback would I give the writers of The Commuter? How can I crush their dreams? Send some negative waves their way? The Commuter needed a shorter beginning to pull the viewers into the action. This plot was farfetched, and there needed to be a better reason for Liam Neeson’s character to overcome his good morals. The outside mystery person was distracting and should be eliminated.
    Wait a minute. I trashed a movie that hundreds of people had worked hard on. My flippant statements were all based on watching a film for fifteen minutes. Do I feel good about trashing their movie? No, that’s not my personality. The world already has too much negativity without me adding more hate. While my comments were honest and intended to be constructive, I would never post them.
    Now, hold on, Mr. Wonderful. I have written three bad reviews on Netflix. I completely trashed the movie, “The Thin Red Line.” I called my review, “Yentl meets Hamburger Hill.” Funny. Right? Why was I so cruel? I was looking forward to The Thin Red Line and went to the theater on opening day to watch it with my father. Half the audience had left by the end of the movie, and the remaining viewers loudly spoke of how bad the movie was.
    This movie was two vastly different movies slammed together. An awful poetry exploration combined with a WWII action-drama. I was so angry about wasting money that I took the time to write a scathing review and went out of my way to tell four friends not to see it.
    Did that angry review make me feel better? Absolutely because I knew my words might help somebody skip renting this awful movie. Let me be clear. I intended to tell people I had never met not to watch The Thin Red Line. That is the very definition of hate.
    Going full circle. What would the people involved in The Thin Red Line and The Commuter think about me? They should be proud to be part of a famous movie and ignore a bug like me. “That guy is a jerk and did not know anything about my great movie.”
    But then, the creators would have to wonder if the hater had a point. Eventually, they would realize that this criticism pointed out flaws. In time, the creators would appreciate the negative words. Yes, the pain would sting, forcing them to try harder on their next film.
    I recall a scathing criticism of my favorite band Rush, “tragically un-hip.” Why would a person write this derogatory comment? I guess they wanted to lift themselves. Rush used that brash statement as a badge of honor.
    I need to do the same, vow to have ticker skin and value negative comments. This undertaking will be a painful pill to swallow. So, bring it. Trash my work if you dare. I will overcome.
    You’re the best -Bill
    May 06, 2023
    Hey book lovers, I published three! Please check them out.
    Interviewing Immortality is a psychological thriller about a 500-year-old woman who forces a disgraced author to interview her.
    Pushed to the Edge of Survival is a drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.
    Cable Ties is a classic spy novel about two hunters discovering that government communications are being recorded and the ensuing FBI investigation.
    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.
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ryanhamiltonwalsh · 2 years ago
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MORE BOB DYLAN IN BOSTON IN ‘63 MATERIAL PART TWO –>
First, read the Boston Globe story, then PART ONE, and then you can come back here, champ. ABOVE: Sally Schoenfeld and Joy Kimball, who are about to throw a very important party at their apartment in Cambridge, perform music together on the banks of the Charles River.
MORE on CAFE YANA
Originally on Beacon Street, Yana moved to 50 Brookline Ave after construction of the Mass Pike forced them to abandon their first address.
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At some point, Yana’s space became swallowed up into one larger lot, 62 Brookline Ave, where Oliver’s Bar was located—which is the scene of one of the final post-Lou Velvet Underground shows and a very interesting Gram Parsons appearance where a fan gave GP some original lyrics which, incredibly, turned out to be “Return of the Grievious Angel.”
WAS SUZE THERE OR WHAT?
In Clinton Heylin’s latest Bob Dylan book, he writes of the Yana dates, “So where was Suze? She was supposed to meet her beau in Boston, having written to her displaced friend...earlier that month, ‘we’ll probably be in boston (cafe yana) april 19-20 (definitely, not probably).' And yet she was nowhere to be seen.”
But after talking to Yana waitress Susan Bluttman, and considering Suze’s letter to her friend Sue Zuckerman, I think it’s most likely the case that, at the very least, Suze was there for the Friday show at Cafe Yana. Bluttman was insistent her memory was correct and her recall of other verifiable details checked out. I specifically asked if it was just “some woman” with Dylan or definitely Suze. She had zero hesitation: she recalls welcoming the couple to the club and showing them where to go before showtime.
PAUL CLAYTON
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Also on the bill with Dylan at Yana was New Bedford native, Paul Clayton, a fascinating person and a musician whose recorded catalog was already quite large by the time he met Bob; check out his album Bay State Ballads or Sailing and Whaling Songs of the 19th Century. Although Clayton approached folk from a scholarly, traditionalist point of view—watch for shades of Clayton in Justin Timberlake’s character in the Cohen Brothers film Inside Llewyn Davis—he also had a wild side with a penchant for drugs, partying, and rambling, and at times, Dylan embraced those predilections with him.
By all accounts, the pair had different kinds of infatuations with each other; Dylan saw Clayton as “traditional song personified, speaking to him in mystic tongues,” as Paul’s biographer Bob Coltman put it, and Clayton not only saw Dylan as the next step forward in folk music, but also a forbidden romantic desire. Many friends who saw the two interact instantly recognized Clayton’s massive crush on Dylan. "His biggest problem,” Clayton friend Patrick Sky told the Globe in 2013, “was that he was gay at a time when it was pretty much illegal.”
At the time of the Yana concerts, Dylan was about a month away from releasing Freewheelin’, including the future classic “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” which as it turned out, heavily borrowed its melody and many of its lyrics from Paul Clayton’s 1959 song “Who’s Gonna Buy You Ribbons,” which in turn had been based on "Who's Gon Bring You Chickens”—a tune Clayton found collected in a 1923 book titled Eight Negro Songs. It was a similar chain of influence as “Baby, Let Me Follow You Down” except that this time, Clayton’s song publishers would sue Dylan’s publisher over the lift. The matter was settled out of court, but Clayton’s continued poverty compared with Dylan’s steady success and accumulation of wealth did not go unnoticed by the Greenwich Village folkies who knew how it had all gone down. More and more, it seemed that it didn’t matter who actually wrote a particular song, but more who first obtained a copyright.
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Dylan and Clayton’s time together was not quite finished yet, though it appears that the two nights at Café Yana were the final live bills they would ever share together as performers.
After one more druggy cross-country trip together, Clayton was placed outside of the inner circle without an explanation. There is one theory that Clayton began to date Suze’s sister Carla in to get closer to Bob, and when Bob’s relationship with Suze ended, it meant that Carla and Clayton also needed to go as well.
Everyone agreed that Dylan’s 1965 song “It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue” was some kind of send-off letter to the folk music world, but select listeners believed it to include specific references to Clayton, including, at times, Paul himself. Tragically, less than two years after Dylan “went electric” at the Newport Folk Festival, Clayton electrocuted himself in his own bathtub. When his personal belongings were cataloged, it was noted that he no longer owned an acoustic guitar, but kept an electric guitar and drums, as he was working on a strange experimental, electric suite of music titled “Gingerbreadd Mindd” which has never been released. Clayton is spoken about reverently in Dylan’s 2011 memoir, but his suicide is not mentioned.
JFK
The following day, Saturday April 20th, President John F. Kennedy spoke at Boston College. Still grappling with the fall out of the Cuban Missile Crisis, Kennedy kept the speech light and focused on the importance of the nation’s higher education system, opening his remarks by declaring “it is good to come back to a city where my accent is considered normal.” I only mention this because a) with Dylan’s late career 20-minute opus “Murder Most Foul” choosing Kennedy’s assassination as its anchor, it’s almost worth noting anytime the two were in relative close proximity to each other (like the same city). Additionally—and this is a longshot—would news of Kennedy in town specifically bring Dylan’s mind back towards the missile crisis, and thus World War III, and perhaps to the point of inspiration for writing “Talking World War III” blues? I have no idea. I’m just spit-ballin’ here.
NOV 2, 1963 @ JORDAN HALL - BLOWN IN THE WIND
Bob Dylan came back for another show in Boston in the fall, and this time, all the listings in the Globe and elsewhere spelled his name right, but unfortunately, they were still struggling with the exact song titles.
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SYMPHONY HALL, FREAKING OUT DAVID LYNCH
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The following year, the Globe resets Dylan back to zero and claims his Symphony Hall show will be his first in the city. Oh well! In the audience at this show? Director David Lynch! Watch here.
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 More on Lynch living in Boston here. The Symphony Hall show setlist here.
JOAN BAEZ
This is a write-up and photo of Baez the night she headlined Donnelly Memorial Theater, Saturday April 20th, 1963, the night before the party in Cambridge where she and Dylan would finally crash into each other.
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WAS MEL LYMAN AT THAT PARTY?
I don’t think so! I believe this all happens right before ol’ Mel rolls into town. From AW68 --->
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And finally, photos from the post-Hoot party, by Rick Stafford, as printed in the book Baby, Let Me Follow You Down.
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That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!
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sparkles-and-trash · 2 years ago
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a friendly little autumn survival guide ~
I am in no way any type of health professional, I am however a chronically ill person who have survived all the autumns that have yet come my way, I even quite love them! But there is no denying this time of the year can be tough on those of us who already have a little extra to handle, so I figured I might as well share those little things I do to keep my head above water this season!
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one. Starting your day ~
I know this advice is old as time itself, but it's not for no reason! How your day starts largely affects the rest of your day, so it's important to do what you can to make it enjoyable.
Personally I like to eat breakfast (I usually have pancake batter in the fridge that I make every three days, but anything from bread to cereal is great, as long as there is some nutrition. I like to have it with a cup of tea and watch a light and fun show, like Bob's Burgers or New Girl, whatever I'm currently watching!
Even if you don't have time for this type of morning, there are tons of little things you can do to get your mood up, like listening to music out loud while getting ready, plan outfits you're excited to wear the night before, or read a few pages of a book you're currently into!
two. Traditions
Autumn might not be the time you think of first when you hear traditions, but that's why it's important to make your own!
Small things like having designated fall movies (mine are LOL and Knives Out!), tea and snacks you only enjoy during these months, and even music you that resonates with the season!
three. Routine
Another old and overused advice, but I think people often make too much out of it!
It doesn't have to mean having your entire day planned out, but having a few things you do every day, at the same time, preferably something you enjoy, can do true wonders!
four. Games and TV
A force not to be underestimated.
Make yourself a list with shows and movies that bring out comfort, joy and nostalgia, and have them ready to be put on whenever you feel like you can really use it!
The same can be said for video games, story based ones can be great fora sense of accomplishment, chill ones are great to get time to roll on while just turning your brain off, or online multiplayer ones can do wonders if you're feeling isolated!
five. Use the outside
Nature in fall is amazing.
Going for walks is amazing, at all times of day, but if that's something you can't do, for any reason (all are valid), there are many other ways to enjoy nature and the outside.
Sitting outside, just for a few minutes can do wonders, like on your balcony or porch, or even sitting by the window, preferably with it open for a while so you truly get that fresh air on your face.
Trust me, it makes a real difference!
six. Journaling
This really changed things up for me.
Just putting some of my thoughts down on a page, writing by hand, and having something to look back on when things get chaotic.
I write down everything from how my day's been and why, to just little lists and memos, and it's amazing fo my adhd, and for my sense of time and productivity.
seven. Video Dairies
This is kinda weird, but hear me out!
Filming little clips trough the day, just a few seconds each, when you do something you enjoy, see something pretty, or do something that makes you feel accomplished in any way, and then put them together at the end of the day.
They don't have to look pretty, but they carry a big comfort for me, they help me keep track of my days when all of them seem to blend into one big blur, and they help me appreciate some of the mundane, but beautiful things in my life.
eight. Activities you've missed
Autumn is a time where we tend to spend a lot of time inside.
This can feel like a bummer to a lot of people, but there is silver linings. Picking up old hobbies and interests can be very rewarding, and can connect you to old feelings, goals and enjoyment!
If you need a refresher, there's tons of good, and free classes available online, especially on youtube!
nine. Keep in touch
Fall can be isolating, and for some of us, just going outside or talking to co-workers or other students isn't really an option.
Online communities can be wonderful for this, there are fandoms and communities for anyone and anything these days.
Connecting with people you already know is also important, and there are loads of ways to do that. Sometimes you have to take the initiative, sure, and that can feel draining, but if you're in a different position than your friends, they might be busier in their day-to-day life than they realize, and as long as these are friends that gets excited to hear from you and often say yes, taking initiative doesn't have to be a bad thing!
ten. Ending your day
Similar to the first point, how you're ending your day is more important than you think.
Winding down and letting yourself relax before bed is so important, as is sleeping in a healthy environment. Fresh air, sheets that get changed regularly, a dark room, and no loud videos or bright phone screens right before you close your eyes are great tips.
I also find a little skincare, some body lotion, and a good brushing of my hair helps me wind down and sleep better, but that's a personal thing, mostly!
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Like I said, I am no professional, and these tips are not for everyone. I just wanted to share some of the things that works for me, in hope that maybe one of them could make one person feel a little better!
Reblogs are okay <3
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myohmyimanxious · 3 years ago
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Gravity Falls headcanons part 3: festive edition
((Listen I know it's like canon that the Pines family is Jewish, but it's also canon they celebrate all the festive holidays so I'm not just featuring Christmas!))
To start, it's a tradition for the mystery twins to watch The Muppet Christmas Carol every year without fail!
It's because of this film Mabel is adamant that the novel does feature two Marley brothers rather than one.
Dipper and Ford having read the actual book, know this isn't the case
It messed with Mabel's head when she found out she was living a lie (that's totally not based on my life)
They also once dressed up as Gonzo and Rizzo as they are in the film but that's a whole other headcanon story lmao (if you want it hit me up 😎)
The Pines celebrate Chanukah and take great pride in it, and yes Mabel makes Chanukah themed sweaters for the everyone
Soos has participated in Chanukah with Stan in the early days of the mystery shack, but with the mystery twins, both Soos and Wendy get involved
Stan, Ford, Mabel and Dipper take turns lighting the menorah each night
Ford is NEVER allowed to cook.
He burnt the Latkes. It was a shambles. Stan had to remake them because he wouldn't let everyone eat burnt food
Mabel isn't allowed to cook either. For Dipper's sake. He can't eat glitter again, he just can't
Stan agrees, no glitter in the food
To make up for it, Mabel has the lead role of decorating the tree. It's a work of art
Mabel obviously makes Christmas sweaters too for everyone
Stan and Ford's match, like Mabel's and Dipper's do
Waddles and Gompers also get presents bc they're the pets of the house
Snowball fights are a given
And it's a team affair: Ford and Mabel vs Stan and Dipper
Winner gets the first pick of leftovers
There's no clear winner, but stan will swear blind that he won it for him and Dipper
They also have snowball fights with Soos and Wendy, Candy and Grenda and Pacifica
Mabel makes so many snow angels, so so many
Dipper and Ford get each other science themed gifts each year, and it's getting competitive
Stan and Mabel don't know who's winning but they think it's Dipper
There's eight days to establish wether theyre right though
Soos goes carolling with his Abulita and it's adorable
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queenshelby · 3 years ago
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The Girlfriend Experience (Part Four)
Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader
Words: 5,556
Warning: Smut, Fluff
Notes: Not based on Cillian’s real life obviously!
Three weeks later…
Three weeks had passed since you started to see Cillian and things were taking an unusual turn.
For the first two weeks you had been seeing each other eight times, which was more than you had initially agreed upon. But you didn’t mind. You enjoyed his company and the sex was amazing.
You most certainly had a lot of sex. You did it in his bed, in the shower, the spa tub, in the kitchen, in the living room and, one day, you didn’t even manage to make it further than the chest of draws in the hallway.
He was into you and you enjoyed it just as much as he did.
You never stayed the night, but often spent time watching movies, reading together or even playing board games. Once, you even cooked together whereas, a couple of nights per week, you helped him with rehearsing his scripts.
Most days, he appeared tired but he was excited to see you nonetheless. Essentially, he paid you to have fun and you couldn’t quite believe that this was happening just yet.
Then, after the first two weeks, he had to travel. He was gone for a week as filming took place in a remote area of New Mexico. The crew was staying there, in small cabins, for seven nights and, just before he left, he handed you a key to his apartment.
You had been fighting with one of your roommates and told Cillian about it. For some reason, he wanted to know about your life and he always listened. You were also in the middle of exams and, to allow you to study in peace and get some rest in between, he told you to stay at his place while he was gone.
Whilst, initially, you felt somewhat apprehensive about it, you accepted his offer. You were lacking options and, for the time being, it seemed like a good idea.
Then, the day he was set to return from filming, you texted him.
‘Should I vacate the premises before you get here or do you want to see me tonight?’ you asked and, after about three hours, he responded.
‘I would love to see you, if I can’ he texted back, making you giggle.
‘Of course you can’ you responded and when he responded with an emoji, you outright laughed.
You had only just shown him how to use the emoji function on his new phone before he left for the dessert and he had been sending emojis to his two teenage children continuously ever since, possibly annoying them with his new skills.
***
After he told you that he wanted to see you and had let you know that he would be back between 5 and 6 o’clock that day, you packed up your clothes and university books in readiness to take them back home with you following your date with Cillian.
Then, you had plans to catch up with your best friend Nadine. You had not seen her for almost a month after she had spent some time in Europe with one of her clients.
Just like you, Nadine was working as an escort and she was actually the one who had suggested this line of work to you after you were struggling financially.
She was also the one who put you into touch with the agency and had since heard from Mrs Miles that you were doing well.
‘I have heard that you secured a three months’ engagement’ was one of the first things she said to you when you sat down for lunch together.
‘Yes, but let’s not talk about work, shall we?’ you said, still embarrassed by the fact that you were an escort and were, essentially, getting paid for sex. This was never what you wanted to do with your life but, in order to pay for law school, you had no choice especially after your stepfather had gambled away your late father’s education fund.
‘Uh uh! I want to know everything. Who is he?’ she asked curiously.
‘You know I cannot tell you that’ you pointed out but a name was not what she was after.
‘I mean, what is he like? How old is he? Does he have weird fetishes? Is he a nerd? Is he ugly?’ she asked, telling you that she thought that there must be something wrong with a man who is paying an absorbent amount of money to spend three months straight with the same escort.
According to her, most clients enjoyed one off encounters or more casual interaction with an escort. An engagement of a period of three months is unusual and she wondered why he would want to do such thing.
‘He is 45 and perfectly normal. No weird kinks or fetishes. In fact, he is smart, well-travelled, funny and really nice to be around’ you said before explaining to her that he was from Ireland.
‘He is only staying for three months and he wants some company without having to commit to anything. He’s divorced and doesn’t want to date. It’s a bit of fun, without the hassle’ you explained, essentially using Cillian’s words, whether they were true or not.
’Well, that’s good then and 45 isn’t too bad I suppose. How is the sex though? Is he ugly? There must be a catch’ she said.
‘There is no catch. The sex is amazing. Better than anything else I have ever experienced. He is also incredibly attractive. Deep blue eyes, perfect body, pale skin, tons of freckles’ you pointed out with blushing cheeks.
‘Y/N, stop right there. You aren’t falling for him, are you?’ Nadine asked concerned.
‘Of course not. What makes you say that?’ you said before rolling your eyes at her.
‘Because you are talking about him like he is just a guy who you are dating’ she pointed before reminding you that Cillian was your client. Nothing more.
‘You need to remember this Y/N. He is paying you to have sex with him and keep him company. There are no feelings involved. He isn’t some kind of prince charming’ she said and you nodded again. Of course, you knew that.
‘I am aware and I am not falling for him. It’s a job and some people just enjoy their job, right?’ you chuckled and Nadine sighed.
‘Not as much as you do, no’ she said. ‘Just give him what he wants and shut your mind to anything else. Enjoy the sex if you have to but that’s it. Don’t let him get into your head Y/N’ she warned you.
‘Don’t worry. I am not going to fall for him. Now please, let us change the topic’ you demanded and, thankfully, Nadine agreed.
***
When you returned to Cillian’s apartment later that day, you had a shower and dressed up in some nice black lace lingerie and a black satin robe.
You had recently purchased this outfit, especially for him and you hoped that he would like it.
Then, you gathered some groceries which you had purchased earlier that day and prepared some dinner. You weren’t quite sure whether this was appropriate but you needed to eat yourself anyway so you determined that there wasn’t any harm.
Just before 6 o’clock and just when the pasta had finished to cook, Cillian arrived and, when he walked through the door, you could sense how tired he was.
‘You cooked for me?’ he asked somewhat surprised and you nodded shyly.
‘You didn’t have to do that’ he then pointed out with a smile before walking over towards you and giving you a quick kiss.
‘But I wanted to…That’s why they call it a girlfriend experience’ you said to lighten up the mood and Cillian chuckled.
‘Well, I appreciate it and the food you made smells pretty damn good’ Cillian told you as he stepped behind you and gently kissed your neck after moving your hair to the side.
‘And, going by what you are wearing, you are dessert, I assume?’ he then teased and you nodded again with a shy smile.
‘Do you like what I am wearing?’ you asked while Cillian was still standing behind you, kissing your shoulder now.
‘I do. I think you are beautiful and sexy. Simply perfect’ he responded while running his fingertips over your arms, making you shiver.
‘Do you want dessert first then?’ you asked cheekily and Cillian chuckled.
‘I need to have a shower and relax a bit first. It’s been a long week’ Cillian pointed out and you turned around to face him.
‘Well, after you have a shower, I can help you relax’ you suggested before biting Cillian’s earlobe gently, causing him to groan.
‘I could give you a massage, working my way from your back all the way to here, if this is what you want? Or, you could just fuck me senseless, if that is what you would prefer’ you began to whispered while running your hand over his crotch.
‘Whilst all of this sounds very tempting; you know what really relaxes me?’ Cillian said with a grin on his face.
‘What daddy?’ you teased him and, when he began to whisper into your what he wants to do to you, you couldn’t help but moan even though he hadn’t even touched your intimate parts yet.
‘You take great pleasure in pleasuring me, don’t you?’ you gasped while Cillian’s hand was running over your body.
‘You know I do’ Cillian whispered while taking a turn in biting your earlobe.
‘Now be a good girl and go into the bedroom and wait for me while I have a shower’ he winked playfully.
‘Yes daddy. Do you want me to get undressed for you?’ you asked.
‘Yes, no clothes at all. Now go’ he winked again before you disappeared and got ready for him.
***
Ten minutes later, you stood in the middle of the bedroom completely nude. Your nipples were hard, erect, and pointing straight at Cillian.
‘Common here so that I can claim my dessert’ he teased as he led you over to the bed and laid you down before sliding beside you.
He kissed your lips, neck, and ear lobes passionately and even gentler than usual. There was something different about him that night but it was nice and you enjoyed it when, at the same time, he ran his fingers over your breasts and nipples.
‘I missed being with you over the past week’ Cillian said before, eventually, he made his way down to your breasts.
‘I missed you too’ you said, causing Cillian to look up at you, cocking an eyebrow and you realised what you had just said.
‘I mean, I missed this…like being with you…us being intimate’ you corrected yourself with a stammer and he smiled at you. He heard you, loud and clear and this was embarrassing for you although he didn’t seem to mind.
‘Hmm’ he chuckled as he began to lick and kiss your entire left breast before sucking on your nipples for a few minutes.
‘I meant…you know…fuck’ was all you could say after that as Cillian dove down to your mound, making contact with your pussy lips slowly and then going up, down, and all around.
‘You are so fucking wet’ Cillian groaned with approval and you moaned again, even louder this time.
‘I am always wet for you daddy’ you gasped as he was in his element, eagerly licking your pussy and sucking on your clit.
The truth was that, over the past weeks, he had spent considerable time with his mouth in between your legs and you loved it as much as he did.
‘Fuck I love licking you’ he groaned once more as he loved to taste you.
He was in heaven while he went down on you and it was obvious to you that he was not thinking of anything else. It was just you and how much pleasure you were receiving. It got him off and he licked your pussy like never before that night.
He was so eager and you could feel the moisture build up with every passing second.
‘Oh my god daddy, that’s it’ you moaned loudly as he sucked your clit, licked your pussy lips, and pushed his tongue inside you.
‘So fucking sexy’ Cillian groaned as, eventually he buried his face in your pussy, pressing it between your labia while licking your clit. Your aroma drove him insane and he enjoyed this even more than with anyone else he had ever been with before.
Your breathing became more pronounced. It gradually grew harder and heavier. You were moaning in ecstasy. The louder you moaned, the faster Cillian flicked his tongue on the top of your clit, up and down, side to side. The moaning gave way to a slew of "Oh my God's!" There were roughly five to six in total. And with each one the volume increased immensely.
Cillian’s chin was buried between your pussy lips as he continued to lick your clit feverously. After another cry of pleasure, Cillian heard what sounded like a low groan from you and, just like that, your legs began to shake.
‘I am cumming, oh my god I am fucking cumming’ you moaned as your whole body convulsed with pleasure for what seemed like an endless period of time.
Eventually, after you came down from your high, Cillian moved away and looked at you with a big grin on his face.
‘Enjoyed that?’ he asked but you were still panting and simply nodded.
‘Yes daddy’ you eventually huffed out.
‘May I have your cock now please?’ you wanted to know but Cillian had other ideas.
‘Not yet. I want to try something else first’ he said before pulling you off the bed and you weren’t sure what he had planned.
***
Before you knew it, you found yourself pinned against the wall. Your arms were pinned above your head and Cillian ordered you to keep them there.
‘What are you going to do to me daddy?’ you asked with great excitement and some nervousness but, before he said anything to you, he reached down and guided his fingers to your hole, and pushed two of them inside.
‘Do you know where your g-spot is?’ he asked and you shook your head with a low moan as his fingers slid into you effortlessly. Until now, you believed that the g-spot was a myth the porn industry had created.
‘Well, my mission is to find it right now’ he grinned as he began to slowly pump his finger in and out of your wet pussy while starting to suck on your nipples again.
‘Oh god’ you moaned as he began slow, straight in and straight out before beginning his mission.
‘So, when you push in deep, curl your finger up like this, and…’ he whispered and, even before he could finish what he was saying, you let out a low scream.
‘Holy shit, I am…oh god’ you screamed.
‘Well, there it is…’ Cillian grinned. ‘Feels good?’ he asked and your hands dropped to his shoulders and you clawed yourself into his skin, unable to hold your hands above your head.
‘Yes daddy…oh my fucking god…I can’t’ you screamed, overwhelmed with heat and pleasure.
‘Just relax and let go...’ he instructed as his fingers continued to thrust back and forth against your g-spot before beginning to massage it in circles.
‘I can’t. It’s too much. I feel like…oh god’ you moaned and screamed all at the same time.
‘Like you might wet yourself?’ Cillian asked with a big smirk on his face and you nodded while the pace of your breaths quickened and you rocked your hips more vigorously against Cillian’s hand.
‘That’s good’ he then said as beads of sweat began to form on your forehead and you could feel your body getting warmer.
‘Ah fuck…daddy…I can’t…oh god’ you kept moaning, unable to form a coherent sentence, worried that you may, indeed, wet yourself but Cillian kept pinning you against the wall and began to rub the tip of his fingers against your g-spot harder and faster.
‘Be a good girl and let go for daddy’ he said again and, by this point, you gave up. You couldn’t take it anymore and you couldn’t hold back.
‘Oh my god yes’ you screamed loudly, grabbing hold of Cillian’s chest.
‘That’s it, cum over my fingers. It’s so fucking sexy’ Cillian cooed and, just like that, you began to shake and the first wave of pleasure washed over you as your orgasm hit.
‘Holy fuck’ you screamed as your pussy clenched tightly around Cillian’s finger. Your thighs squeezed his hand and wave after wave of pleasure coursed through you as you came, hard and fast.
After another cry of pleasure, Cillian heard what sounded like a low volume pop and hiss for a split second, followed by a warm wet splash on his hand.
‘Fuck, that’s it’ he cooed as he felt one burst, then a second, and finally a third.
You screamed in ecstasy as you spasmed violently and your whole body convulsed with pleasure for what seemed like an endless period of time.
When you finally came down from your high and Cillian pulled his fingers out of you, you felt somewhat sore but also incredibly relieved but, then came the shock.
You felt as though your legs had been covered in fluid and you wondered, whether indeed, you had wet yourself. This would have been rather embarrassing and when you looked down at the wet puddle of clear fluid on the floor, you began to shake and break out in tears.
Your breathing was rapid and you weren’t sure whether you were having one of your somewhat common panic attacks or whether you were emotionally overwhelmed by what had just happened. Perhaps, it was a bit of both? You just had the most intense orgasm in your life and it felt incredible but, yet, you embarrassed yourself in front of the man who paid you for sleeping with him. You couldn’t just run away.
‘I am…I am’ you began to stammer with tears running down your face. Your body was shaking.
‘Y/N, what’s wrong?’ Cillian asked quickly and with great concern as he took you into his arms.
‘Did I take it too far? I didn’t mean to hurt you, I am sorry’ he began to say as you were a nervous mess.
‘You didn’t. It was just…fuck…’ you stammered.
‘Just breathe for a second, alright?’ Cillian said with worry. He didn’t mean to push you too far and felt terrible about it.
‘It was very intense and I am embarrassed’ you managed to say after a while and, when you looked down onto the floor, Cillian began to realise what this was about.
‘I didn’t know this would happen. It’s so disgusting. I am so sorry Cillian’ you stammered out nervously and Cillian had to try not to laugh but a small chuckle escaped him nonetheless.
‘If it is any consolation, I think this was incredibly sexy, you cumming over my hand like this. It’s what I was aiming for’ Cillian whispered with a warm smile.
‘You think me wetting myself is sexy?’ you asked, looking at him with some confusion. He most certainly didn’t list this kind of kink on his wish list and you were somewhat surprised by his comments.
‘You didn’t wet yourself Y/N. You squirted and that, indeed, is fucking sexy. It’s every man’s dream, being with a woman who squirts’ Cillian chuckled and you looked into his eyes, unsure what he was talking about.
***
After your somewhat intense encounter, you sat down for dinner upon Cillian’s request. Whilst he was eager for more, he knew that you needed a break after what had just happened and he felt terrible about it.
You, on the other hand, felt embarrassed rather and anything else and, when you took a minute or two in the bathroom after you ate, you googled up about squirting. This wasn’t something you did before and you couldn’t help but have a slight chuckle at your reaction. How have you not heard about this before, you wondered? Clearly, from what you had read, most guys seemed to like it and Cillian was no different.
‘Feeling better?’ Cillian asked when you returned to the kitchen.
‘I am sorry Cillian. It never happened before and it freaked me out. I kept pondering on about it over dinner and…’ you began to say with a shy smile and Cillian interrupted you.
‘Stop saying sorry. It’s fine. In fact, I thought it was both sexy and cute’ Cillian grinned.
‘Cute?’ you chuckled.
‘Yes. The fact that you didn’t know and how embarrassed you got about it…it was kind of cute’ he teased but he also knew that he would be staying away of your g-spot for a while.
‘It seems like I have a lot to learn and perhaps I can broaden my horizons a bit over the next two months’ you giggled and, with that, Cillian gave you a kiss.
‘And perhaps I can broaden mine’ he then said while caressing your face.
‘In what way? I doubt that I can teach you any new tricks. You are pretty much perfect’ you laughed.
‘I doubt that I am perfect Y/N but, what I know is that, over the past three weeks, I’ve been having the best sex I ever had in my entire life. You are incredible’ he then said before kissing you once more.
***
One kiss quickly let to another and, before you knew it, you were both laying in Cillian’s bed again. But this time, it was different. The emotional side of it was intense and, whilst it was as passionate as usual, Cillian made out with you slowly, taking his time.
‘That’s a little different’ you pointed out while Cillian kissed your body and laid on top of you, lifting himself up on his elbows.
You wondered whether he was simply tired or whether he was being careful after what happened earlier that night. Or perhaps it was something else that was on his mind since he had been on the phone a few times throughout dinner, texting with someone.
‘You don’t have to hold back, you know’ you reminded him as he continued to kiss your neck.
‘I am not holding back Y/N. It has just been a long week’ he whispered, as you slowly spread your legs apart for him and nodded reassuringly.
‘We could have waited for a day or so, giving you a chance to relax after a week of filming in the desert’ you pointed out.
‘Well, I couldn’t wait to see you though. I was looking forward to being with you and I still am’ Cillian pointed out, causing you to smile, before he leaned in again and you kissed passionately once more.
He clasped your hand tightly while his hard cock was hanging over your body.
Cillian’s glans were probing at your awaiting, dripping, wet pussy and you had your free hand caressing his chest as he gently brushed your cheeks with the back of his fingers.
Your eyes locked while, slowly and gently, he pressed his cock against your entrance.
‘Oh god yes, that feels nice’ you moaned as his cock slowly spread your pussy open. Whilst he moved much slower than usual, it was no less intense or passionate and you knew you would love every second of this.
‘You feel amazing Y/N’ Cillian moaned as you squeezed his chest while he entered you inch by inch.
Your pussy was tight and gripped his cock like a vacuum. Slowly, his cock penetrated you all and your mouth gaped open as you felt him enter.
You looked into each other’s eyes and you wrapped your other hand around his neck and pulled Cillian towards you. You kissed again and you suddenly felt him pushing in deeper. Your nipples were already hard as your breasts heaved from your heavy breaths. His cock entered deeper inch by inch and you could feel it stretching your insides. He was taking his time and you enjoyed it a lot as your eyes connected once more.
‘Oh god you are stretching me so good’ you moaned as every tiny throb of Cillian’s cock sent waves through your body.
Cillian began with slow thrusts, in and out, deeper and deeper. It was divine and you loved the feel of his body on yours.
‘My cock fits your pussy so well’ Cillian groaned as, eventually, his whole cock was inside of you. He could feel your pussy squeezing his cock, trying to accommodate the thick, hard rod inside.
‘Oh god’ you kept moaning as you could feel the heat from his cock while you hugged him and lifted your hips.
You gyrated them around as if you were riding his cock from under him and he groaned loudly in response.
It was almost like you made love that night and Cillian felt your body contract under his as you were breathing hard.
‘Oh god. Oh god…fuck’ you moaned as you began to quiver with the long but gentle and deep thrusts that he was administrating. You came, just like this, without much effort from either of you. It was this kind of lazy but intensely erotic and passionate sex that had sent you over the edge.There was kissing and caressing each other’s skins. It was so simple but meaningful.
‘Can you cum again?’ Cillian eventually asked with a smile and you nodded.
‘Good, because I am enjoying this a lot’ he said and, with that, you continued on for almost another hour like this.
It was slow and emotional while your eyes got lost in each other. You kissed and starred and, eventually, Cillian gripped your waist and started increasing his pace.
Your bodies connected and your legs wrapped around his hips as you dug your heels on his back. Your groaning and moaning echoed through the room and there it was, another orgasm.
‘Oh my god yes, don’t stop’ you moaned as you came again and Cillian dug his knees deeper into the bed and pulled your waist towards him, lifting your bum as he pounded harder into you. Your body arched backwards and the sight of your bouncing breasts was perfection.
Your face was filled with the expression of ecstasy as your mouth hung open and your head bobbed, as your body bucked against him. Your legs lifted straight up in the air with your toes curled.
‘Cillian, fuck, oh my god…’ you moaned loudly, for the first time using his name and lifting yourself up. You pulled him towards you as you kissed him, gently biting his lips as you moaned into his mouth.
Now, he could feel his own climax approaching quickly, too and, feeling him pulse inside you, you wrapped your legs around him.
Without words, your body shuddered and quivered with an orgasm and the motion sent Cillian over the edge as he gave one last strong thrust and exploded inside of you.
‘Yes, fuck’ you moaned again as you felt the strong pressure of his hot cum filling the inside of you, coating your cervix and walls in his seed. You loved that sensation, almost more than orgasming yourself. It was so intensely pleasurable that it was hard to describe.
After the last spurt of cum was released into your tight pussy, Cillian fell down on top of you, holding himself up with his elbows as he watched you slowly recover from your high.
***
After your long and passionate sex, you laid there, in his bed for about ten minutes until you asked Cillian if there was something wrong.
He had been quieter than usual that night and, whilst he clearly enjoyed being with you, every time you weren’t intimate with each other, his mind was somewhere else.
‘It’s nothing you need to worry about Y/N. It’s just family stuff. I have to deal with this on my own’ he pointed out with a warm but forced smile.
‘Do you want to talk about it? You know I cannot discuss any of this with anyone else and, if you need someone to talk to, I am happy to listen’ you pointed out, genuinely caring about Cillian and his problems.
‘I have been having some issues with my kids and my ex-wife. I suppose, its normal when you get divorced but, I didn’t expect it to be so fucking difficult’ he admitted after a while before opening up to you about his personal life for the first time.
He told you about his sons Max and Charlie who were 14 and 16 respectively and you could hardly believe that he was a father to two teenage boys. You knew he had children but you didn’t know how old they were.
He also told you about his ex-wife and the reason they were divorced. There was nothing sinister behind it, but she always struggled with his career and blamed him for the failing of their marriage. He was never home and was around too many other women. It bothered her and, eventually, they ended it.
But it wasn’t just his wife who blamed him. His sons blamed him as well and, whilst they were both meant to fly to the US to spend a week with him soon, his eldest son now didn’t want to come.
According to his ex-wife, his sons have realised that his career was more important to him than them which was simply not the truth and the rumours about him having dated one of his co-stars recently didn’t help the situation either.
‘Did you date her?’ you asked, wondering whether the rumours were true.
‘I did, but my ex-wife was sure to use it against me and it was much easier to end it rather than to fight her because she always involves the boys, telling them lies about me. We were already separated when I started dating again but my ex-wife is certain that I cheated on her’ Cillian explained before telling you that he had always been loyal to his ex-wife and that cheating wasn’t something he would or could have done.
‘I am sorry Cillian. I am not sure why your ex is acting this way but, from doing some research on family law for my degree, I have learned that vindictive behaviour is quite common. It often dies down as time passes by. Perhaps she is still struggling herself’ you began to say while caressing his face and looking into his eyes.
‘Your sons are old enough and, hopefully, they will form their own opinions about you soon rather than just listen to what their mother has to say. They can make decisions at this age and maybe they just need some time to think about what they want’ you then pointed out, but Cillian sighed while looking at you with sad eyes as you hugged the pillow.
‘So, I should just accept that one of my sons does not want to see me?’ Cillian asked.
‘You may have to, but you should still ask your eldest son why he doesn’t want to come for a visit. Don’t take your ex’s word for it. It might be something trivial. I remember not wanting to visit my father when I was 14 because there was a boy at school I wanted to go out with’ you explained and, with that, Cillian and you continued to talk about his sons for almost half an hour.
Talking this through with you helped him and you appreciated that he was so honest and open about it with you. You loved talking to him and he most certainly began to trust you.
‘So, your parents are divorced?’ Cillian eventually asked,
‘Yes, and my father passed away when I was 16. My mother and stepfather live in Nappa, at my grandparents’ old vineyard and I can tell you that I never got along with the man my mother chose to marry’ you explained.
‘Why?’ Cillian asked while moving a streak of hair out of your face.
‘He is not a kind man Cillian. But that’s for another night. I should probably head home soon. It’s midnight and you really look like you need some sleep’ you said before giving Cillian a kiss.
‘You can stay the night if you want’ he said after your lips drifted apart.
‘Is that what you want?’ you asked surprised since his questionnaire clearly stated ‘no sleepovers’.
‘I am not forcing you to stay Y/N. It’s your choice’ Cillian said, thinking that you were asking him because you were essentially working for him.
‘But what would you like? Would you rather me stay or are you just offering me to stay to be polite’ you giggled shyly as he looked into your eyes.
‘I would love for you to stay’ Cillian then said.
‘Okay, then I will stay’ you confirmed and, with that, you rested your head against Cillian’s chest while his arms wrapped around you.
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booksarelife-stuff · 2 years ago
Text
Dancing With Our Hands Tied-Chapter 5
Jily (James Potter/Lily Evans)
Excerpt: “Why did you want to leave?” he questioned, clearly worried despite her reassurances.
“It just got to be a little too much,” she explained. “And I’d rather watch the fireworks with you.”
James’s smile had to make everyone weak in the knees, Lily reasoned as he smiled at her. Not a human alive could be immune to it. It drew Lily’s eyes to his lips like a moth to a flame.
He squeezed her hand. “Well, I’m glad I can help.”
Read on ao3   Previous Chapter   Next Chapter   Series Master List   Master list
Chapter 5- I’m a mess but I’m a mess that you wanted
The holidays either tended to go by so quickly that Lily barely had time to register what was happening, or they were so unbelievably slow that Lily thought time must have slowed down to a painful crawl. Christmas this year preferred a nice slow crawl.
Christmas day with her family wasn’t a cozy affair. Breakfast was at six in the morning and by eight, they were to be in their best-hunting clothes for a mandatory family hunting trip on the grounds. Lily normal just trailed along, not too eager to shoot whatever large buck had been placed on the land for enjoyment. Most of her male cousins didn’t seem too eager to let anyone have a chance at shooting anyway.
From then on, it was lunch, a quick break, and then having to be prepared for the formal dinner. Lily thought it was a bit ridiculous to have to be in a gown to celebrate Christmas with her family. Based on the pictures that Mary and Marlene sent, their days seemed to be spent in cozy pajamas, watching films, and just getting to enjoy spending time with their loved ones.
Instead, Lily’s Christmas was spent with a heavy tiara on her head and passive-aggressive comments about literally anything Lily has ever done in life from aunts, uncles, and cousins who all reaped the benefits of being related to royalty but with none of the responsibility.
Boxing Day came in with flurries of activities. She and Petunia had spent all morning saying goodbye to some family members and then welcoming new guests that arrived and would be staying for the New Year party her mother throws every year. It wasn’t just limited to family members, but friends of the family as well. It brought her some piece of comfort knowing that Petunia was just as miserable forcing small talk and polite smiles with people.
It also provided a great distraction to Lily, so she didn’t have to think about James’s return to duty. Lily had spent so much time agonizing over their last interaction and rereading the note in the book so much that she had it memorized. The ghost of his lips on her cheek seemed to haunt her at night as she begged up the ceiling for some sort of answer as to what to do. She wanted him, she knew that for a fact, but how did she tell him or what if it was all in her head? Or what if none of it was real; like he only cared for her in some sort of capacity because he was being forced to spend all his time with her?
She grappled with the fact that this was probably just a job to him, that if they had met any other way he wouldn’t even look twice at her. That the look of fondness that she swore she saw in his eyes when their eyes met was a product of Lily’s wishful thinking.
She thought about it so much that the first glance she caught of him, standing by against the wall of a room with the other security teams, all her breath left her chest and she paused in her walking enough that one of her cousins ran into her. Her heart raced with all the things she wanted to say to him and the second she got her hands on her phone, she sent a quick text to him to meet her in her room after the formal Boxing Day dinner that they had as a farewell to the family members who were off to spend their New Year elsewhere.
Despite Lily’s dislike for all the formalities, it was the one time of year that a small truce formed between Lily and Petunia. They had figured out at a young age that they could make it through the holiday a lot easier if they banded together instead of taking cheap shots at each other while everyone else was bent on tearing them down to rubble. Lily liked to believe that there was still some deep-rooted sisterly bond that played a part in it, too; that no one else could reticle one's sister except the sister themselves.
“Petunia,” Aunt Jane, her mum’s youngest sister piped up from her spot in the middle of the table. “When can we expect an heir? You and Vernon have been married for nearly two years now.”
“Soon, I should expect,” Petunia replied with a pinched scowl. It was the answer she gave every time someone asked.
“Ah, well you better get on it. Your thirties are fast approaching and you’ll still need to have another one,” Aunt Jane replied, sternly. “My Arthur is younger than you and bound to have his second sometime next year.”
Petunia met Lily’s eyes and gave her the tiniest eye roll. Neither of them mentioned that Arthur’s first child was conceived out of wedlock and they had to throw together a hasty wedding as requested by the firm. Lily wished none of it mattered, but no holier than thou attitudes should be thrown towards them. It irked Lily to no end as she found the bottom of her wine glass.
“Oh, pass Arthur my congratulations, Aunt Jane,” Petunia said. “Glad that we can properly celebrate his wife’s pregnancy this time around.”
Petunia must be pissed if she was willing to throw comebacks that freely this early into the night. Aunt Jane sputtered before realizing Petunia had gotten the last word on that subject before turning her cool blue eyes towards Lily.
“What about you, Lily Jane? You are still unmarried.”
Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I have yet to find a suitable match, Aunt Jane.”
Aunt Jane hummed. “Surely you could find someone willing.”
Lily didn’t miss the implication that she was unmarried because no one wanted to put up with her.
“Surely I could,” Lily agreed. “Speaking of which, how is your husband fairing? He hasn’t been around lately.”
Petunia let out an undignified snort while Aunt June turned sullenly to her food. It wasn’t a secret that their Uncle was currently out galavanting across the globe with a woman closer to Lily’s age than her Aunt’s.
If she had let it slide, then Aunt Jane would start making more pointed comments, to her face and everyone in the room until they were laughing at her. Lily still remembers with clarity how they had done it to Petunia until she cried, not caring that their jabs cut to the bone. Petunia had made sure to appear the following year with a ring on her finger.
When they took a swing at Lily, she learned to swing back harder. It was mean. It was nasty. It was the only way to survive without falling apart at the seams because they would pull every singular thread out if they had the chance.
~~~
It was nearing 22:00 by the time Lily was free. Her tiara was taken by some old man wearing thick gloves and set delicately on a velvet pillow. She finally got to glance at her phone to see if James even got her message.
Just let me know when
You looked beautiful tonight
Lily’s heart took flight and a blush appeared on her cheeks. She took a deep breath to steady herself before she went about scrubbing the make-up off her face and putting her dress back in the garment bag because it’s Dior and if Alice found out it touched the floor she would put Lily in thick coat dresses in various neons as revenge.
She opened her bedside drawer and pulled out the children’s book on Buddica that she had bought as his Christmas present in blind panic as she agonized over what to get him in return. She carefully opened the inside cover, the cardboard spine creaking as she stared at the inside cover page where she had agonized for days before she settled on the words.
James,
If you get to test my fist-making abilities, it's only fair that I get to test your knowledge of royalty.
And if we’re talking about bravery, you do a disserve to take yourself out of the running.
Lily
Before she could back out, she sent James a text that she was ready to see him.
She had never felt like this before. She’s dated in the past and had a few boyfriends here and there, but she had never liked someone so much. For most of the past, she had just been used. By boys who thought snogging a Princess in an abandoned classroom was a decent way to pass the time, or go on a couple of dates until Lily liked them enough to sleep with them and then run away when Minerva had to slap down an ironclad NDA before the relationship could go any further. It was a minefield of never knowing who was genuine or not.
She couldn’t even fathom how it feel if James wasn’t genuine.
Before she could spiral any further, there were three soft knocks on her door in a rhythm that she and James had developed at Buckingham for when they had their movie nights in Lily’s sitting room. It made her heart leap directly to her throat as she crossed her room, James’s present hugged tightly to her chest.
She opened the door to see a smile so warm, that it could heat the entirety of Balmoral against the cold winter winds of northern Scotland.
“Princess,” James said, a smile on his lips and his arms full with what looked like a crocheted blanket made of deep blue yarn. Lily was completely helpless against the wide grin that overtook her face and the reality of much she missed him over the past week sank in. He was still in his work uniform but his tie was loosened and his suit jacket unbuttoned.
“James,” she said, stepping aside to let him in. “How was your holiday?”
“Brilliant,” James gushed, but there was a little downturn of his smile, so small that Lily barely noticed it. “I missed my family. You’d think I would be used to it by now.”
Lily’s heart hurt a little for him and selfishly, herself. She couldn’t get away fast enough from her family.
“James, you can take more days off,” she said, closing her door with a soft click behind her.
He laughed a bit, gorgeous brown eyes finding her. “Maybe in the new year.”
Lily tore her eyes away and gestured to the two chairs in front of the fireplace in her room, her heartbeat echoing in her eardrums as she followed him across the room.
“So, I got you present,” Lily announced making James turn around to face her. “I thought it was only fair.”
He laughed a little when Lily held the book out to him. He placed the blanket on the chair behind him before taking it from her hands, the skin around his eyes crinkling a bit.
“Boudicca,” he mused, inspecting the cover. He opened the book, the spine cracking a bit and Lily watched his face as he read the note, watching the smile fall from his face. A spike of nerves ran through her body, thinking he didn’t like it, but it all melted away when he looked up and held the book to his chest.
“Lily—Princess,” he corrected himself with a shake of his head. Lily bit back the words to tell him that she loved the sound of her name when it fell from his lips. “Thank you. I love it.”
She smiled as she wrapped her arms around herself before she did something stupid, like reach out and touch him. “You’re welcome.”
He looked at her for a beat longer before clearing his throat and looking away. “I also have something for you.”
“You already got me something?” she phrased like a question as he grabbed the blue blanket.
“This is from my family,” James explained with slight embarrassment. “They, uh, love giving gifts, and my parents crochet together because they are both retired… and, uh, yeah.”
“James…” she whispered touched, stepping forward and grabbing the blanket. It was soft to the touch. She unfolded it to see the intricate squares that were stitched together to make the heavy blanket.
“I don’t like, tell them a lot of things because I’m not allowed to, but they know that you’ve been a good companion to me,” he said, softly.
Tear prickled behind her eyes as she looked at the blanket. She was used to getting gifts like this, made from the labour of someone’s hand, but it wasn’t the same. When a foreign leader presented her with a gift like this, it wasn’t made for her, it was made for a Princess and the monarchy. It was impersonal. If it hadn’t been her there to receive it, it could have gone to someone else just as easily.
But this was made for Lily. James’s parent’s had painstakingly made this with their hands for her.
She didn’t realize a tear was slipping down her face until she felt James step closer to her.
“Are you alright?” he whispered, looking concerned. Lily nodded and wiped her face with her sleeve.
“More than,” she reassured. “I just… I love it, James. I need to thank them.”
He shook his head. “You don’t need to. They just are like this. I think the first year I met Sirius and Remus, they made them both special stockings and got the same amount of presents I did. It’s just how they show their love.”
It made her want to sob. “I insist. I’ll send them something or maybe see if there is anything I can do—”
“Really, Your Highness,” James interrupted, looking fondly at her. “If you want, just a simple thank you would be enough for them.”
“Can you call them?” she asked. “I just… this is the most incredible gift.”
James nodded and grabbed his phone. “Just, let me give them some warning. Facetime okay?”
Lily nodded as James took a few steps back from her, tapping on his phone. Lily took this time to go set the blanket on her bed, spreading it out to see all of it.
“Jamie!” a woman said, through James’s phone. Lily smiled and looked to see James already looking embarrassed. “It’s late. What’s going on?”
“Hey, Mum,” James said. “Is Dad with you?”
“He just went to the kitchen, one moment,” James’s mum said. “Monty!”
James gave Lily a look of exasperation, but Lily was delighted.
“Jamie?” Lily mouthed to him.
James nodded with a grimace and Lily made a mental note to start calling him that when she wanted a reaction out of him. Or maybe in fondness, she would decide later.
“Jamie!” A voice boomed. “Do you miss already? We just saw you yesterday!”
“I always miss you,” James replied. “But this is a business call. I need you two to not freak out.”
“About what?” his mum asked.
“I gave Princess Lily your present and she would like to thank you.”
It was quiet for a beat before James’s mum gasped.
“James Fleamont! We aren’t dressed for a Princess to see!”
“I assure you that she doesn’t care,” James assured, fighting a smirk. He did it on purpose. He looked at her. “You don’t care, right?”
Lily shook her head as there was another gasp.
“You’re with her right now?” His mum gasped. James nodded.
There was a deep sigh. “You live to embarrass us.”
“That I do,” he replied.
“You’re lucky Sirius just left,” his dad warned. James’s eyes widened at that.
“Oh yes,” his mum said. “I’m sure Sirius would have been delighted to meet the Princess.”
“I believe he already has stories picked out to tell her about you, should they ever meet,” his dad added.
“Like the one time in year ten when you—”
“Mum!” James interrupted. “Please, spare me.”
The dynamic was something Lily had never seen before. James had alluded to being quite the mischief-maker when he was younger, but to him and his parents falling into easy banter and schemes was something entirely new. Though she was amused, something heavy formed in her stomach.
“Alright,” she said. “For now.”
“How do we address her?” his dad queried.
Lily took this as her cue and walked over to James.
“Just Lily is fine,” Lily said, coming to stand next to James, who gave her an amused smile as she stood next to him. He angled the phone so they were both in the picture. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Potter.”
The phone angle of James’s parents was a bit awkward, in that way that someone who doesn’t have much experience with technology would have. Lily instantly saw the similarities to James in both of his parents. His mum’s salt and pepper hair was pulled into a bun with frizzy curls escaping. His dad had thinning bright white hair that was equally as frizzy and James’s strong nose with large glasses perched on his nose. Overall, Lily thought James looked more like his mum.
“You as well,” Mrs. Potter said, before adding. “Lily. Call us Mia and Monty, if you will.”
“Sorry for the late phone call,” she nudged James a bit, ignoring his slight protest. “But I couldn’t wait to thank you two for the blanket. It’s… one of the most thoughtful gifts I have received, truly.”
Lily didn’t know how to convey that she truly meant that, but the smiles on their faces showed that they knew she was being sincere.
“You’re welcome,” Monty said. “Sorry if it was a little unexpected or improper.”
“We always give gifts to the people who are special to our children,” Mia said.
The heaviness in her stomach raised to her throat, almost choking her. She now knew where the sense of dread had been coming from.
While Lily could choose her happiness, it wasn’t the only thing that mattered. James’s was the most important and even if he cared for her in the same way, she wouldn’t be able to give him that warmth and love.
She thinks back with clarity to the family dinner that had just been a few hours ago. The snipes at each other, and the cold-winded comments, coming from both herself and her family. If they caught wind of James’s warmth and his big heart, they would stop at nothing to tear him down.
So no matter what she felt, it couldn’t happen. Lily couldn’t subject him to that, no matter how much she would love him and God, she was starting to.
Lily chatted for a few more minutes before they bid each other goodnight. When James slipped his phone back into his back and turned to look at her with a big smile, Lily decided that she could learn to think that this was enough for her, that him just being around to share some of his warmth but far enough to not feel the ice that followed her.
~~~
New Year came too quickly for Lily to make sense of the passage of time. Inbetween familial obligations and Lily drowning in her thoughts, she hadn’t even realized that the new year was here until a corset of yet another evening gown was getting laced so tightly Lily wondered if they had taken a time machine back to the days when her ancestors had to wear bustles and bone corsets not welcoming in a new year in the 21st century.
She did look great in the blush gown, with lace details and see-through sleeves with shiny iridescent stones doting the skirt. Alice even had picked one of the lighter tiaras that were just intricate metalwork and they let her hair be down in waves.
Lily was standing in her room where a tailor was making final adjustments when there was a rasp of knuckles against her door.
“Come in,” Lily called.
She didn’t expect the Queen to walk in, all ready to go in her evening gown that was a light blue and conservative with a high neckline. Lily immediately was set on edge. This wasn’t normal.
“Hello dear,” her mother said, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Lily and the tailor both curtsied until Mum gave an accepting nod. “You look stunning.”
“Thank you, Mum,” Lily said. “You look beautiful.”
She accepted the compliment which a grateful smile and stepped more into the room, her heels clicking against the hardwood floors. She sat on the edge of Lily’s bed. Her silence felt more alarming to Lily.
“We have many important guests coming tonight,” her mother began, her hand lightly grazing over the crocheted blanket that Lily had kept on her bed ever since Boxing Day. “And there are few I want you to pay specific attention to.”
Lily nodded because there was no chance of protesting.
“The Earl of Snowden’s son is making an appearance. He is only two years older than you and this is his first time attending an event such as this. He would greatly appreciate a companion.”
Fury ran through Lily’s body as she stayed still.
“And The Viscount Torrington has accepted an invitation. This is his first year with the title as his father passed not too long ago.”
Lily closed her eyes, calming herself. Her mind conjured up the mental image of her mother’s equerry complying lists of all the eligible nobility in the country into a binder for her mother to look through and pick the few that would be respectable matches for her.
When Lily opened her eyes and looked at her mother, whose face remained impassive, she nodded.
“I would be delighted to guide both men around,” Lily replied. She had no choice.
“Excellent,” the Queen said. “It would do you some good to start seriously considering a husband. You are to be 26 in the new year.”
Well past her expiration date in everyone’s eyes. Or maybe the monarch was tanking in popularity and nothing fixed that more than a royal wedding. She could hear the bells at Westminster ringing now and it made a cold chill go through her.
“Yes, ma’am,” Lily heard herself say.
Mother left and the tailor not long after. Lily spent the rest of her time sitting stiffly at her desk to not wrinkle the dress and staring out into the night, wondering how much trouble she’d be in if she made a run for it.
It was only a few minutes before James’s tell-tale knock sounded at her door, giving her at least one reason to smile about. She stood up and called for him to come in.
Even with her decision not to tell James how she felt, it was still so easy to be near him and honestly, he was the only reason she wasn’t going insane here. Sure, her feelings bubbled to the surface every now and then, but soon it all faded away
They came straight to the surface as he entered her room with a breathless greeting and those endless brown eyes looked her over. She swears she could feel heat everywhere his eyes looked.
“You look like a Princess,” he said, with a little laugh. She smiled and twirled making her skirt billow out around her.
“Fitting then, I guess,” Lily said with a laugh. He nodded and they locked eyes.
It was too easy to imagine what it would be like to take a few steps and pressed her lips to his. To feel his curls tangled in her fingers and his hands on her waist. It would be hard though, what comes after, from when her novelty wears out and he sees that all baggage Lily came with would always outweigh the benefits.
They both jumped at the soft knock at the door. James, who was closer, opened it up to Lily’s father whose eyebrows shot up at the sight of James.
James bowed and greeted her father the way he was supposed to. Her father accepted it with a nod before looking at Lily, his eyes searching for a second that Lily tried desperately to hide.
“I was wondering if I could have the honor of escorting you to the party,” Her father said with a smile. “The Prime Minister is escorting your Mum.”
“Glad to know I’m your second choice,” Lily quipped, hoping the quick sarcasm would distract her father. Lily walked forward and slipped her arm through her father’s.
“Oh, posh,” her father said. “You are always my first choice. Your mum just never lets me.”
Lily smiled and walked out of the room with her father, shooting a glance at James over her shoulder. They walked a bit through the corridor, only staff running through, making sure all the other guests were in the ballroom so the royal family could make their entrance.
Her father cleared his throat.
“That was security guard, correct?” he asked softly. Lily kept her gaze forward.
“Yes,” she replied, hoping her voice was impassive.
Her father hummed. “We’re you two discussing something?”
She took a second to search for a lie.
“This is his first event with me,” Lily replied. “He was checking to make sure he memorized our hand signals.”
“Ah, that’s good,” her father said. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he believed her.
It was quiet for a beat. “I do have to admit that when your mother found out I was planning on escorting you, she also tasked me with introducing you to two specific lads that are attending.”
Because she was with her father, she groaned in annoyance.
“Let me guess, a Viscount and an heir to an Earldom?”
“Right on the money,” her father said. Lily gave him a look that he laughed at.
“Don’t worry, dear. It will painless and appease your mother for a bit.”
It wasn’t painless. In fact, Lily would go so far as to say that it was cruel and unusual punishment.
Her father introduced her to the Viscount first. His name was Edward and he looked like a caricature of what the monarchy wanted in a suitable match for Lily; brown hair combed and parted on the side, blue eyes, and looked like his idea of an interesting time was watching golf on the telly and checking his crypto-currency he unwisely invested his family’s money in.
Edward seemed enthusiastic to talk to Lily. He asked her all about her interests, which indicated to her that her mother wasn’t taking the approach of letting any sort of natural bond form between her and any of the selected men.
She felt like she was on a really bad episode of The Bachelorette.
“So, you find yourself riding horses much these days?” Edward asked as Lily sipped her champagne.
“No, I found I don’t often have much time to ride anymore,” Lily replied. “I like to spend most of my time working on my charity.”
“Oh, what is your charity again?” Edward asked.
She explained it to him and she could help but feel so happy that at the end of the holidays met she could go back to work. She missed all the different holiday celebrations and that was normally her favorite part, watching the kids share their religions and culture.
Edward didn’t seem too impressed. He grimaced at one point.
“That is certainly an interesting charity,” he said noncommittally. “It does seem a bit too political for the monarchy, however.”
“There is nothing political in helping children settle into a new country,” Lily said, a frown tugging at her lips. “Or letting them share their culture and customs with others.”
She could feel her rant that she had perfected when Parliament and Clarence House had the same reactions when she was trying to get her charity off the ground on the tip of her. She couldn’t erase the centuries of imperialism and harm that her forefathers had plagued other nations with, but she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she didn’t try to do at least a little good.
“You know that that is not what I’m implying,” Edward said, almost as if he were chastising an animal.
Lily was hit with a memory of Marlene dumping a pitcher of beer on a guy’s head at a bar once in uni. She looked at her flute and champagne and back at Edward in temptation but ultimately decided against it. She forced a smile on her face.
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
She waltzed with Edward out of obligation before excusing herself to grab more champagne and sip on it at the fastest acceptable rate that she could. Lily then went on a quest to mingle as much as she could with people who were not the ones her mother wanted. She even withstood a conversation with Petunia’s friends.
She waltzed with the Prime Minister, an ancient man named Dumbledore who talked about nothing but sweets and inquired if she thought lemon flavor hard candies were the best. It was the most lively conversation she had so far into the night.
Eventually, her father caught her at the champagne fountain and looped his arm through hers to go take her to the future Earl of Snowden, Alexander, who looked like Edward’s twin and seemed to sweat bullets as Lily tried to have a conversation. Poor thing could hardly string together a sentence and Lily felt so bad for him that she apologised for this being forced upon him, causing him to sputter and claim she had no idea what she was talking about.
They danced; Alexander stepped on her foot approximately three times and she was over the whole event.
People were all around her, laughing at things as they sipped their champagne, and the feeling of I don’t want to be here surrounded Lily until it felt suffocating. She wished she was with her friends, sipping cheap sparkling wine, and watching a New Year’s program on the television. She wished that there was just at least one bearable person here that whom she could have a conversation with or at least watch the fireworks with.
And maybe it was fate that a group of people moved and suddenly James appeared in Lily’s line of sight. Like all the other security guards, he was up against the wall, far enough away that no one would notice him but close enough that he could do his job.
She was good tonight. She did all that she was told. Surely, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if she did one thing for herself, right?
James met her eye and gave a small smile. Lily returned it and did her “get out of here right now” hand signal, her right hand hanging at her side and crossing her two middle fingers twice. James’s cocked his head a bit and pushed away from the wall, crossing the room to her.
He bowed when he was near. “Everything okay, Your Royal Highness?”
She shook her head and immediately wished she didn’t because James’s eyes widened a fraction.
“I’m safe,” she said quickly. “I just want to leave.”
James visibly relaxed and sighed in relief. “Alright, Your Highness.”
Lily went towards the exit, giving quick apologies to those who tried to stop her. Once people saw James, they quickly gave her space, probably thinking this was Royal Bussiness of the Utmost Importance.
Once they were outside the ballroom in the corridor, Lily took a deep breath, the suffocating feeling leaving her.
“Do you have the time?” Lily asked James, turning around. He glanced down at his watch.
“23:45,” he replied.
“Fancy watching the fireworks with me?”
“Of course,” James replied.
She reached out her hand and Lily swore that fireworks appeared when their fingers laced together and she tugged him along.
In the ballroom, she was sure by now that their staff was unveiling the large windows that showed the clear night sky. It was too cold to go outside for fireworks, so everyone would be pressed against the windows, watching the display in awe after they had their New Year’s kiss at the stroke of midnight.
Lily led James to an old sitting room down the hall with large windows that faced the same direction. It was a bit dusty in the room and some of the furniture was covered in white sheets, but the heavy curtains were open enough on one window to bathe the room in a cool glow and give them a perfect view of the incoming fireworks.
She didn’t release his hand as they came to the open window, instead, they used their free hands to push the curtains aside some more before just standing there with their fingers intertwined.
“Are you okay?” James whispered once they settled. It felt intimate, the way he whispered to her when they were in a room all alone. It made her turn her head and look at him, her eyes going immediately to the dark ones that have done nothing but held her captive since he walked into her life.
“Yeah,” Lily murmured back. “I’m fine.”
“Why did you want to leave?” he questioned, clearly worried despite her reassurances.
“It just got to be a little too much,” she explained. “And I’d rather watch the fireworks with you.”
James’s smile had to make everyone weak in the knees, Lily reasoned as he smiled at her. Not a human alive could be immune to it. It drew Lily’s eyes to his lips like a moth to a flame.
He squeezed her hand. “Well, I’m glad I can help.”
Lily hummed, barely registering his words, too distracted by the wanting inside of her. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Would the world end if she just pressed her lips to his?
She looked up to see James’s eyes on her lips too and when their eyes met again. Lily cleared her throat.
“You… you have nice lips,” she whispered, her resolve and her last brain cell apparently dissolving in one fell swoop.
James chucked a bit and cocked his head to the side and Lily felt her cheeks heat up.
“Is that your way of asking to kiss me, Lily?”
It was quiet for a beat before time seemed to move to a slow. It started with them stepping forward and unlacing their hands. She felt the heat of his hands on her waist as she lifted her arms, her first touching the smooth skin of his neck, and her thumbs caressed his jawline. He leaned into her touch and pulled her even closer. She almost shivered as she felt his fingers move more towards her spine. Her left hand went to the back of his neck and her other rested on his shoulder.
James bent his head down and she closed her eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers, feeling the cool bit of the metal of his glasses frames. They just breathed for a second, unknowing they were about to cross a line that they could never come back from, but she wanted this. She wanted it so badly, it hurt.
Their noses bumped and Lily let out a small giggle. It was what she needed to push herself up and slide her lips against his.
Lily had been kissed before, probably by at least a dozen guys at this point. Sweet kisses, full-on snogging, goodbye kisses, and quick pecks. She knew what it made her feel like; a faint buzzing under her skin, the need to be as close as possible to the other person, the feeling like she could do it all day, and learning the other person’s taste, and the desperate need to know exactly what she could do to take their breath away.
But as James’s lips slid against hers, the buzz turned to full vibrations that she felt through her whole body. There was no space left between them, but Lily didn’t think she could ever get close enough to him as she stood on her tip-toes and threw her arms around his neck. And she could do this for the rest of her life and that wouldn’t be enough for her. She couldn’t even fathom breaking for air as James tilted his head and deepened the kiss.
A loud pop made them both startle apart. It took a burst of light coming from the night sky to make Lily realize that the actual fireworks had started and the ones she had felt were only in her body.
They let out a breathless laugh as a burst of colorful light came in through the window and Lily watched the color against James’s face, her eyes searching her face.
He breathed out her name, almost like he couldn’t believe it. She pulled one of her arms back, the other one keeping her firmly in her place, and plucked his glasses off.
“Is this okay?” she asked as she set them on the window sill.
“God, Lily, it’s more than okay,” he whispered back, pressing his lips back to hers before she could get back fully into position.
Lily smiled against his lips, causing James to pull back. She almost complained but he started kissing her repeatedly, over and over again until threaded a hand in his hair and kept him still so she could deepen it.
She knew they needed to talk about this. Lily needed to hear that he liked her just as much as she liked him, but as James’s fingers bumped over the laces of her dress’s corset and she shivered, she hope that he understood exactly what was happening.
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sharkselfies · 3 years ago
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The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast Transcript - Episode 1
Since some folks requested it on Twitter, I’ve started transcribing The Minds Behind The Terror podcast episodes! Below the cut you’ll find episode 1, where showrunners Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh talk to Dan Simmons, the author of the novel The Terror, about episodes 1-3 of the show. They discuss Simmons’s initial inspiration for writing the book, the decisions they made to adapt it into a television series, and the depictions of some of the characters such as the Tuunbaq, Hickey, and “Lady Silence.”
The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast - Episode 1 
[The Terror opening theme music plays]
Dave Kajganich: Hello! Welcome to Minds Behind The Terror podcast. I’m Dave Kajganich, I am a creator and one of the showrunners of the AMC show The Terror, and I’m here in the studio with executive producer and co-showrunner Soo Hugh.
Soo Hugh: Hello!
DK: And we welcome today the author of the sublime novel The Terror, on which our show is based, author Dan Simmons, calling in from Colorado. Welcome, Dan! Hi! 
Dan Simmons: Hi Dave, thank you. 
DK: So let’s start with the very beginning. This was a mystery from actual naval history that you decided to transform into a novel that was crossed with Gothic horror. Can you tell us a little bit about where you got the idea from this, how you went about preparing to write it, anything that can give us insight into how you blended all of these remarkable genres into this incredible book.
DS: I’ve known since I was a kid that I wanted to tell a story about either the North or South Pole. And the reason is in 1957, 58, when I was very young, actually I was just a fetus, they had the international geophysical year, and that really caught my imagination. Now the international geophysical year saw cooperation between American and Soviet scientists, it was the height of the Cold War, that’s the first time they submit(?) a permanent base at the South Pole, and I fell in love with Arctic stories. I had one book left on a book contract with a publisher I really liked, and we hadn’t decided what that book was, and I wanted to write a scary story about the Arctic, in this case the Northern Arctic, and that happened because I was doing a lot of research on Antarctica and just couldn’t figure out what the macabre, Gothic, scary part would be. I wanted to put it in, but I didn’t think they’d go for, you know, an eight foot tall vampire penguin. 
[laughter]
DK: You might be surprised! 
DS: There was a footnote on a book I was reading about the Franklin Expedition, which I had never heard of, and I decided that’s what I was gonna write about, and it had a tremendous amount of the unknown that I could fill in, that’s what novelists love. And so I told my editors excitedly that this was what I was gonna do, I would call it The Terror after the HMS Terror that went with the Erebus, got stuck in the ice, all the crew disappeared in history… And they said no. 
[laughter]
DS: ...it was the first time the publishers did that. I said, “Why not? I think it’s gonna be a pretty good novel.” And they said, “Look, nobody’s interested in a bunch of people that’ve been dead for 150 years.” 
SH: That sounds like some of our meetings.
[laughter]
DS: So I did what maybe you do, in such a meeting, I just thanked them, and I liked them all, and I had a good dinner(?) and I said goodbye, and bought back my last book on the contract and went out and wrote it on spec. 
SH: Well why don’t we take a step back, Dave, and why don’t you tell us about how you found Dan’s book and that experience?
DK: Sure! Dan, you might remember some of these steps from your side of it, which is that originally this was auctioned by Universal as a feature, and I sort of tried to get the rights and was a bit too late, and tracked them down to the producers at Universal who were running the project and got myself hired as the screenwriter for a feature adaptation. By the time I was ready to start actually committing an outline to the paper, Universal had let the rights go because there was a competing project. It was interesting to sort of rack up reasons why people wanted to make it but didn’t feel that they could pull the trigger, and we were so grateful when AMC finally called us back and said, “Look, we’ve figured out a model where we can do this as a limited series,” it really felt like ten episodes was a great length for this, because we could blend genres in a way that, you know, we could unpack sort of slowly, more slowly than a lot of shows would’ve done, and drive the plot as much as we could, like the novel, with character choices and decisions as opposed to just horror kind of entering the frame and taking over for one set piece after another. So it was a long journey, getting this to AMC, but at the end of the day I think we found the right home for it.
DS: I can no longer imagine a two hour version, feature film version of this story, and I can’t imagine a second season of this story, I think it was just right.
SH: It does feel like we did a ten hour cinematic novel. 
[audio from the show]
Crozier: Only four of us at this table are Arctic veterans. There’ll be no melodramas here--just live men, or dead men. 
SH: Dan, Dave and I talk about how addictive the research gets for this when you start going down the rabbit hole, how did you approach the research?
DS: I think most novelists run into that, but since I write a lot of quasi-historical novels, at least set in history, I get totally addicted to going down the rabbit hole. Readers say, “Well, Simmons’ book is too long, and the descriptions of things are too exhausting,” but I watch your characters go on deck and there are all the things and views and everything that I tried so hard to describe and then people tell me, y’know, “talky, verbose,” and in print I have to do it that way, but you just pan the camera a little bit. 
DK: You have words, we have images! For every thousand of yours, we get one!
DS: Yeah.
SH: But I remember this passage in your book where it talks about all the different ices, and you vest it with so much psychological import. We talk about that passage a lot in the writers room, it was one of our highlights, of this is how you do great descriptive writing.
DK: And you made so many parallels between things like the environments of the ships and characters, you built a kind of code book for the show without realizing you were doing it, which is making visual metaphors out of a lot of these things that would normally just be exposition or historical detail.
SH: Well especially between Crozier and the ship, I mean when you hear about Crozier’s relationship with Terror, and you have so many amazing passages about, you know, the groan of the ship and how it, y’know, and you cut to a scene with Crozier and how you feel that the bones of Crozier is embedded in the ship, and we really took a lot from that. 
DS: Well I noticed that on one of the episodes where Lord Franklin [sic] is trying to get back in touch with Crozier, you know, trying to be friends with him again, I think it’s a brilliant episode you guys wrote.
[show audio]
Franklin: You’ve succeeded in avoiding Erebus most of the winter.
Crozier: I’m a captain. I’m--I’m peevish off my own ship. I leave it and I hear disaster knocking at its door, before I’m ten steps away.
DS: And that was beautifully written, that. You got so much of Crozier right there.
DK: It was a pleasure to write these characters on the backs of your writing of these characters, because you really--I mean, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do, as you know, from having written, you know, a whole long string of historical books, is to make these people’s psychologies feel as modern as they must have felt in their day, while still being able to articulate some of the blind spots of being from the eras they were from. 
I’m curious from sort of a history nerd point of view, if people watch the series and like the series, and read the book and like the book, and want to know more about this expedition, what’s the first book about the Franklin Expedition you would point people to? What was most helpful or most interesting in your research? 
DS: I apologize, I can’t think of the name of it, but it’s a collection of stories about both the South and North Pole, and so it’s a short section on the Franklin Expedition, but it didn’t make mistakes, and most of the other books that I read, uh, keyed, and videos for that matter, like PBS did a story about the Franklin Expedition, but they keyed off a 1987 attempt by several doctors to figure out what happened to the crew, and they exhumed three crewmen’s bodies from the first island where they stayed the first winter, and those crewmen had only been on the ship a couple of months, but they decided because of a high lead content that the lead had poisoned them and then made them stupid, and made them paranoid and everything, but they didn’t compare that test of lead with any background people in London at the time, and later they did, so I didn’t believe the lead thing.
DK: Well that’s the fascinating thing about a mystery with this many parts and pieces, kind of in flux, is, you know, you can create all kinds of competing narratives about it, and what’s fascinating about writing a fictional version is you can’t have that kind of ambiguity, you have to make a decision. I think people will enjoy very much ways that the show and the book have a similar point of view, and also ways that they diverge in their points of view, because there are so many ways to tell this story--
SH: Well you know how much we invest responsibility in the audience as well, right?
DK: Sure.
SH: In terms of your book and our show as well, we’re not against interpretation, that there’s a responsibility on the audience’s part to put together--we’re not gonna hand feed them. There’ll be some people who put more of an onus on Franklin, and others who would say, “You know, if I was in that position, I probably would’ve made the same decision,” “Oh no, this definitely killed the men,” “No, this killed them!” and that dialogue is exciting, you know, when you read fans talk about your show and your books and really smart, insightful ways. 
[show audio]
Franklin: Would it help if I said that I made a mistake? 
Crozier: You misunderstand me, Sir John, I--I only meant to describe why I brood, not that I judge.
DS: I don’t worry about who or what my reading audience is. People ask me about that and I don’t imagine a certain reader. But I’ve always tried to write for somebody who’s more intelligent than I am. My perfect reader would be just smart as hell, speak eight languages, you know, have fantastic world experiences, and I want to write something that will please that person, and I think your show does the same thing.
DK: Well we were--that was our motto! We wanted to be sort of the dumbest members of our collaboration and there’s a sort of horrifying moment when you realize that’s come true. 
[laughter]
[show background music]
DK: Tell us a little bit about why you made the decisions to tell the story in the order you told it, and whether you sort of felt like there was anything from the way you had told it that we were--or a missed opportunity. We’d love to know sort of what your experience of that was. 
DS: I don’t think there were any missed opportunities in terms of not adapting my way of telling it, and I can’t remember all the reasons for why I broke it down that way, some of them were just very localized to, you know, when I was writing that particular bit. But I do know that it gains a lot by being told chronologically the way you’re doing it, so for me that seems now the logical way to tell it again.
DK: Have you ever read the novel in chronological order? When we hired writers for the writers room, we gave them a list of what the chapters were like in chronological order, and I think we asked half the room to read it in your order and half the room to read it in chronological order so we could have a discussion, a meaningful discussion about whether there were things about telling it without being in chronological order that we wanted to embrace or not. It was a fantastic experience and I wonder if you’ve ever read your chapters in chronological order? ‘Cause it’s also a fantastic book!
[laughter]
DS: I haven’t read it that way, they were that way in my mind before I started getting fancy and breaking them up and moving them around in time and space, but I would love to have seen that experiment.
DK: The reason we can get away with it in the show is because there is a loved book out there that people trust, and you know, it is a classic in this genre, so I mean this is a perfect example of, you know, the amount of gratitude we owe the book, because we got away with a lot of things that maybe we wouldn’t have been able to get away with because you came before us. 
SH: And speaking of those rabid fans, Dan, it’s been really interesting reading audience reactions to the show from people who’ve loved the books and who just naturally will compare the two, and we’ve been heartened by just how supportive our fans have become--are of the show. There is this controversy, some people like our choice to give Lady Silence a voice and some people feel it was sacrilege to your book, where do you fall on that? DS: At first I was surprised. In fact when you were hunting for an actress for Lady Silence and I read about that, it said somebody who’s fluent in this Inuit language and this Inuit language, and I said, “What the hell?”
[show audio]
[Silna speaking Inuktitut to her dying father] 
DS: Having seen her with the tongue and heard her, and knowing the different reason they call her Lady Silence, it all works for me and I was also surprised when Captain Crozier could speak fairly fluent, you know, dialect, ‘cause I had him just not understanding a thing.
[show audio]
[Crozier speaking Inuktitut to Silna in the same scene as above]
DS: I love it when readers get rabid about not changing something from a book, and I have to talk to them sometimes, not ‘cause I have a lot of things adapted, this is the first one, but I love movies. They say “Aren’t you worried it will hurt your book?” and first I explain Richard Comden(?)’s idea that you can’t hurt a book anyway, except by not reading it, I mean the books are fine, no matter how bad some adaptation becomes. Books abide, and so I wasn’t concerned. With the changes that I see, I get sorta tickled, whereas some readers get upset, and they just have that set. So I think that the vast majority of viewers haven’t--well, I know the vast majority haven’t read the book, haven’t heard of the book, probably, they’re gonna keep watching because of the depth of the characters, and that’s based on the first two episodes, and I agree with them completely.
[show audio]
[Silna speaking Inuktitut]
Crozier: She said that if we don’t leave now, we’re going to “huk-kah-hoi.”
Blanky: Disappear. 
SH: We get asked a lot of questions about the supernatural element of the show and the way a monster does or does not figure in the narrative, and seeing our episodes, did it feel surprising or did it feel faithful to the way you imagined it as well to your book? 
DS: It was surprising to me at how well it was done, because it’s hard, I know, to show restraint in a series like this, and certainly in a movie, but it’s hard to show restraint at showing and explaining the monster. 
[show audio]
[ominous music, Tuunbaq roaring, men screaming]
DS: The way you did it in the first few episodes to me were just lovely, just, you know, a hint of a glance at something and then you see the results of this creature, so that’s what I tried to do in the novel, one of the reasons I moved around through space and time, part of what I wanted to do was not cheapen the story and not cheapen the reality of these poor men dying by just throwing in a monster, and so I tried to do it in a way that would not disrespect the true tale, and I believe you’re doing it the same way I tried. 
DK: The way you incorporated the supernatural into the book, I mean, I was a fan of it when I first read it. It was jaw dropping the way that it fits so well on a level of plot, on a level of character, and on a level of theme. So when we got the green light to adapt it I was so confident that we were going to be able to do something with it that would be able to be nuanced because the bones of it are so organically terrific.
SH: It helped us know what we didn’t want to do. That formed so much of our conversation, of “this is what we do not want, this is what we do not want,” and slowly you whittled down to getting down to the essence of what this thing had to be.
[show audio]
[Tuunbaq growling]
DK: Another character from the book that really stands out for fans that they are wondering what in the world we’re doing with is Manson. [laughter] And I was curious what you made of the fact that he is pretty invisible in the first three episodes of the show, and that some of his plot beats have been given to a character called Gibson, who I don’t remember is--I don’t think he’s featured very much in the novel. And I wondered if that caught you off guard or if you sort of intuitively had a sense of what we were doing in making that change? 
DS: Any discussion of Manson to me leads to Hickey converting him to his future, his tribe, the tribe he wants to have, group of worshippers, that I think Hickey wants to have, but he does it by sex below decks. Hickey’s not gay at all, he’s a manipulator, to me, and he was manipulating Manson who was big and dumb, in my book, he’s manipulating him by this sexual encounter. But I was curious whether you were worried about showing that?
DK: Well, we weren’t worried about showing characters having same-sex affairs or relationships. We wanted to make room in Hickey’s character for actual affection, or if not affection then companionship, or some kind of connection.
[show audio]
Hickey: Lieutenant Irving! I was hoping we’d meet. 
Crewman: Mind the grease there, sir. 
Hickey: I wanted to... thank you… for your help. For your discretion, I mean. 
Irving: Call it anything but help, Mr. Hickey. Please. I exercised clemency for a man abused by a devious seducer.
DK: We wanted to make sure that Hickey had access to command in some way that a steward, an officer’s steward, would be able to provide him, that an able seaman wouldn’t be able to provide him, and that was really valuable to us in terms of charting out all of these character stories, was how does he know what he knows about how command is dissatisfied or where the fractures are if he can’t see them from where he’s sleeps in his cot in the forecastle. 
SH: I mean we know that there were relations between the same sex on ships, it just was part of this world. Not to belie that there was serious consequences for it, but you know, we have 129 characters, and we wanted them to feel fully fledged and rich, and, you know, passions do naturally develop and have no characters engaged in sexual relations would have felt just as odd and perhaps even more controversial, and when Irving discovers Gibson and Hickey, his shock is from such a subjective point of view of his moral center. It’s not the camera’s perspective, right? Our camera’s very neutral in that scene. It’s Irving, that character at that point in the show, that is infusing a sense of horror, that’s his horror moment.
DS: I’d like to add that it’s not the gay connection that would cause criticism, but I was flayed alive because the most openly quote “gay” unquote character, that is, Hickey, you know, maybe hunting for affection but definitely hunting for power, he’s the only one they said in reviews, and he’s a killer and a bad person, so I’m homophobic, but I was flayed alive for that. The word homophobic appeared in about 80 reviews. Nobody mentioned the purser, who uh--
DK: Right, Bridgens and Peglar.
DS: Yeah. I thought he was a fascinating character. I loved getting glimpses of him in the series because he’s super smart, he’s super wise, he’s probably wiser than any of the commanders, ahd he’s obviously in love with--who is it that he’s in love with in the show?
DK: Peglar. 
DS: Yes, that makes sense. And, uh, so Peglar says, you know, “Is this another Herodotus?” and, “No, I’m giving you Swift now,” he’s educating the man he cares for. 
[show audio]
Hickey: I understand you cleared up our “association” for Lieutenant Irving? Gibson: You spoke to him.
Hickey: Mhm.
Gibson: Directly?
(beat)
Christ, Cornelius, I’d reassured him.
Hickey: Cornelius Hickey is a “devious seducer.” That was your--that was your reassurance? You’ve got some face, you know that? 
DK: We wouldn’t have dramatized Hickey’s story if we weren’t also going to pull in Peglar and Bridgens’ story, because we knew that people, you know, are predisposed to sort of make that kind of quick assumption, and we just wanted to make sure that the show didn’t have that blind spot and reflected the book, which also doesn’t have that blind spot. 
SH: We had those same questions with Lady Silence, and I’m sure you did as well. When we meet her, she’s a frightened young woman who’s about to lose her father, and that’s a universal character moment that anyone can relate to, and the otherness is sort of--is secondary, but then once--in the end scene of 1.02, when she’s sitting there grieving her father and then you have that language barrier with everyone else, we worked with Nive on this because we wanted to make sure the language itself was as accurate as possible, so when you say disappear making sure that the disappear in our language means the same thing as disappear in her language. I think whenever you have characters that feel othered in most media and you’re bringing them into your show, Dave and I also just wanted to make sure we weren’t swaying on the pendulum on the other side and being almost too careful about touching them, and with Nive I think when you have an actor of that talent, she was strong, she was representing a voice that she felt very confident in, and that was very reassuring for us.
DS: And it works well, and when her father’s dying, she throws herself on his chest and says “I’m not ready, it’s too soon, I’m not ready,” and I love that in the show because if she’s gonna become a Shaman he’s dying you know it’s not reached that point of education yet where she feels secure and later on you know beyond what we’re discussing today she becomes to me in the show I see her as more and more majestic.
SH: I do love the word majestic ‘cause I think it describes pretty much all of our characters. I agree, I do think there is something very sublime about who they have become at the end because when you go through that much trials and tribulations, it’s this beautiful human spirit to endure. 
DS: I think that’s one of the central themes of the story that you’ve brought out so clearly. In most post-apocalypse, you know, terrible situation movies and shows, everybody turns nasty as hell, they start shooting each other, it’s just like WWIII when they should be helping each other survive, and I found even though there was controversy, even though there was opposition in this story, people opposing against each other, still that they rose to the occasion. And that is so rare I think in much media these days or even books where the characters are themselves and they do the best they can, and when things get bad they rise to the occasion.
DK: The first conversation you and I had about the book, you know, I was basically pitching you sort of what I thought thematically the book was about, and I talked a lot about, that in a disaster like this, a kind of moral emergency, that we would get a chance to unpack what is sort of best and worst in these characters’ souls.
DS: I confuse readers often when I was on book tour for this book, and it was a long time ago, I’ve written a few million words since then, but I confused people by saying that if you want a theme for the survival story of The Terror, it’s love. It’s love between the men. And just unstinting love. And this came out in a piece of dialogue, in the first two episodes.
[audio from the show]
Franklin: I’ll not have you speak of him uncharitably, James. He is my second. If something were to happen to me, you would be his second. You should cherish that man. 
Fitzjames: Sometimes I think you love your men more than even God loves them, Sir John. 
Franklin: For all your sakes, let’s hope you’re wrong. 
DS: That to me was right the theme I was working with, and with Crozier who shows it a different way, with Fitzjames who’s struggling to show leadership, and between the men despite their hierarchy and the British hierarchy, the rank and lieutenants and so forth, eventually they come down to loving the men they try to save. And I found that lovely. 
[The Terror opening theme music plays]
DK: Thank you so much for listening to The Minds Behind The Terror, join us in our next edition when we talk about episodes 4-6 with the additional guest Adam Nagaitis phoning in from London. We will see you soon!
[preview snippet from the next episode plays]
DS: I’ll confess something else to Adam, the first time I watched it, I thought your character was a good guy because he jumped down in that grave to put the lid back on.
[laughter]
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denimbex1986 · 7 months ago
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'Ripley is a new series coming to Netflix, starring Andrew Scott as the tactful conman. The series has been in development for a few years now, with the release date finally on the horizon. Featuring eight episodes and set in 1960s New York, it follows Sherlock and Fleabag star Scott, as he plays Tom Ripley, a young grifter who is hired by a wealthy man to convince his unruly son to come home from Italy.
The story, which is based on the novel of the same name by Patricia Highsmith was last told in the BAFTA award-winning movie in 1991, The Talented Mr Ripley, which starred Jude Law, Matt Damon and Gwyneth Paltrow. Now, it's Academy Award winner writer and director Steve Zaillian's turn in this new adaptation for Netflix. Here's everything you need to know about Ripley starring Andrew Scott.
What is Ripley about?
Ripley is based on the book of the same name by Patricia Highsmith. The new Netflix series will be told over the course of eight episodes. It tells the story of New York grifter Tom Ripley, who is hired by a wealthy industrialist to travel to Italy to try to convince the man’s son, Dickie Greenleaf (Johnny Flynn), to return home to America.
The official plot from Netflix reads: "Tom Ripley (Andrew Scott), a grifter scraping by in early 1960s New York, is hired by a wealthy man to travel to Italy to try to convince his vagabond son to return home."
Is there a trailer for Ripley?
Yes, Netflix have revealed a trailer for Ripley just in time for its release...
Who is cast in Ripley?
Andrew Scott is leading the way as con artist, Tom Ripley. The Olivier award-winner is best known for his roles in Sherlock and Fleabag, stars alongside Johnny Flynn (Emma) as Dickie and Dakota Fanning (The First Lady) as his sceptical girlfriend Marge Sherwood.
Here is the cast line-up for Ripley:
Andrew Scott as Tom Ripley
Dakota Fanning as Marge Sherwood
Johnny Flynn as Dickie Greenleaf
Eliot Summer as Greenleaf's friend
Is it based on a book?
Yes, Ripley is based on the bestselling novel, The Talented Mr Ripley, written by Patricia Highsmith in 1955, it is the first of five Ripley novels, which suggests if the series is a success there could be many more seasons in the works...
When can I watch Ripley on Netflix?
Ripley will be released on Netflix on Thursday, April 4, with all eight episodes available to stream at once making it the perfect series to binge watch this weekend.'
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