#i was gonna say i feel like just approaching it like that and not expounding

[lokh]

ahh when i did some long ass test for personality disorders and the psychologist was like 'you don't get results like this unless u were emotionally neglected. were u emotionally neglected' and I was like Shrug. apparently so

[nexility-sims]

Hi, there! Love your story!! Any advice for a first-time simmer looking to do this sort of thing?

i'm gonna say from the outset that you surely did not request an automobile manual's worth of expounding on such a simple question, but ... that's what i've given you :^) partly, i wanted to cover all the of the bases of what you may have meant, so there are three parts: "general advice for thriving," "specific advice for knowing when you're ready," and "specific advice for doing what i do." hopefully these are useful and not completely derivative of what other people have said recently. beyond that, i'll just say i am always, always happy to talk about storytelling, to answer questions, and to give feedback on anything and everything. thanks for the question—and the kind words, too !

ONE - general advice for thriving

JUST START TELLING YOUR STORY ALREADY. maybe it’s obvious, but the best advice is to dive in. it’s like going for the first swim of the season and knowing you’ve got to take the plunge but dreading the cold of it. once you finally submerge yourself, you’re having fun. it’s easy to get caught up in endless preparation. planning is important, whatever that looks like for you, but you’ve got to know when it becomes procrastinating. being ready to start is not the same thing as being 100% confident and 100% polished. i’m willing to bet none of your favorite storytellers, people whose stories have been ongoing for years with dedicated readers, started off confident and polished. it may not be universal, but i think there’s a common reaction when a new reader likes your very first story post: cringing because it’s your worst work but knowing it only gets better from there. storytelling is something you have to practice, and the basics of it become more intuitive and effortless as you go.

continued and continued and continued below ...

BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY. to feel satisfied and stay motivated, prioritize your passions. you want to tell this specific story for a reason; you want to do simblr storytelling, specifically, for a reason. the former is likely because you’re inspired by your plot/characters. the latter could be because you enjoy taking screenshots, you enjoy writing dialogue, you love reading simblr stories, or any number of technical reasons why the medium speaks to you. there are probably things you don’t love as much—posing sims, filling plot holes, realizing your skills don’t fully line up with your ambitions. in my experience, being able to name why you’re doing this translates into being able to crafting a story around those priorities. that, in turn, means having the motivation to power through the parts you like less. 

i hate making poses, so i approach my work from the perspective of, “i’m not going to get hung up on having the exact right poses, and i don’t want to slow my story down by wasting time in blender.” other people love making poses or decide having the right one is what’s important to them. being purposeful saves you the trouble of agonizing over things that aren’t actually necessary or, worse, that eventually lead you to burn out and abandon the work altogether. we have to make compromises to tell good stories—maybe you hate writing outlines but know doing it will make things easier later—and it’s invaluable, imo, to know why you’re making those choices. there are jacks-of-all-trades with infinite free time and buckets of inspiration among us, but you’re likely not one of them. don’t worry, though, because neither am i. 

FALL IN LOVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES. this one is huge, albeit ostensibly a step removed from the immediate task of storytelling. something i’ve noticed is that people who genuinely engage with other people’s work get more love for their own. it makes sense when you think about it. ideally, if someone is taking the time to catch up on my story, to ask me questions about my characters, to demonstrate that they see what i’m doing, then i want to reciprocate that. to me, it’s actually off-putting when someone only ever publicizes or discusses their own story. that being said, it’s easy to get caught up in our work—using our finite free time to make sure our project gets done—and not allocate time for getting to know other people’s. it’s no crime or even a bad thing. yet, to me, that defeats the purpose of joining a community like this one. it also makes our stories weaker, to reference the wisdom that writers must also be readers. talking to someone about their characters, their writing process, how they stage a scene in the game (or observing those elements while reading their posts) makes me reflect on what i’m doing. paying true attention to other storytellers is a practice of reciprocity that builds community, and it gives you solid examples to learn from as you go. 

FOCUS ON GROWTH, NOT WEAKNESS. relatedly, the learning element is so important! a common pitfall, especially for someone just starting out, is getting hung up on what you think you’re doing wrong and comparing yourself to others. maybe their stories are more visually pleasing. maybe their plots have better pacing and impact. maybe their characters get more engagement from readers. step one is to not compare, but i suspect most of us will cop to failing that step. step two, then, could be turning those negative feelings into motivation. if your options are getting down on yourself and abandoning your story versus pushing through and improving ... well, it’s clear to me which is the better option. step three is figuring out how to push through and improve. my advice is the above tip: make some friends whose stories you admire and who are willing to give you encouragement and feedback. most simblr folks, i find, are generous like that.

IT'S A HOBBY AND A CRAFT AND A COMMUNITY. that leads me to my final point, which is basically a bundle of generative contradictions. simblr is a hobby, which means you can’t take it too seriously. storytelling is a craft, which means you have to take it seriously to get better. story simblr is a community, which means the best way to have fun and get better is by doing it with other people. if your goal is to have a hugely popular story that hundreds of nameless followers adoringly read, then, statistically, you’re going to fail. a more reasonable goal is becoming part of a collective who are working on stories they mutually enjoy. maybe you’re in a writing group or have a beta reader. maybe you’re collaborating with another simblr. maybe you have a handful of mutuals with whom you interact exclusively through likes, reblogs, and replies. having done all of the above, my experience is that i’m most excited about my story, most motivated to work on it, most likely to get the positive engagement i want when i’m actively trying to have fun, get better, and be part of the community. from someone who is not infrequently stymied by social anxiety and perfectionism: you can’t reap benefits you don’t sow. 

TWO - advice for knowing when you’re ready:

TURN YOUR IDEA INTO A CAST AND A NARRATIVE. i say narrative instead of “outline” for a few reasons: 1) not every story is event-driven, 2) the traditionally imagined outline structure doesn’t work for everyone, and 3) pre-defining everything doesn’t work for everyone either, plus 3a) frontloading too much detail is a lot of work and 3b) can dampen creativity. maybe you have a bulleted list, an illustrated storyboard, a well-organized playlist … regardless of what it is, you should know roughly what the sequence of major experiences or events is, how they’re connected, and what you want them to convey to the reader. i did a ton of winging it when i started my main story in 2021, and i did a lot more planning with this current project; as you go, you’ll figure out what kind of preparation makes the most sense for you, and that may change, too.

MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT THE LOGISTICS. it’s important to emphasize that you can and perhaps should change your mind / experiment later, but some things are nice to have settled before you start posting. among them, i would recommend several. one is figuring out if you do scripts or screenshots first. another is knowing if your story is more gameplay-based or will rely on poses. you should also have a sense of the locations you’ll need and whether those will be existing in-game lots, builds you download from others, or ones you build yourself. are you editing your screenshots visually, in canva, photoshop, gimp, photopea, etc? are you using reshade / gshade in game? are you writing dialogue, prose, or both—and are you then putting it on the screenshots or as text below them? what’s your posting schedule going to be, if you choose to have one instead of posting as you go? these are just some considerations, but i would say they’re significant. for every combination of ways to tell a story, there’s almost certainly a simblr doing it. there’s no right or wrong, only what’s right for you.

RUN YOUR PLANS BY SOMEONE ELSE. it’s not essential or always feasible, but feedback can make you feel better about the whole thing. having someone give you constructive criticism, whether on your outline or your planned posting schedule, is helpful. even more helpful is knowing someone is already familiar and enthusiastically waiting to see more of your project. an added benefit is that, if you’re nervous about how your story will be received, this can be a practice run at sharing it! 

THREE - advice for doing what i do:

i describe my story as historical drama, as an anti / decolonial worldbulding experiment, as being about intergenerational family and the exercise of power. so, if you’d like to enter the royal simblr genre (or thereabouts) and do something that is—i think i can say—unique, then here’s my anecdotal advice.

HAVE A STRONG INSPIRATION BASE. if you’re not faithfully basing your country on a real world location, then you should at least have a solid idea of where your inspiration is coming from. i consider my story an indigenous story, and my inspiration is mainly histories and cultures in the western hemisphere—primarily but not exclusively in what’s currently mexico and central america, plus from what’s currently the united states and also some histories of the iberian peninsula. i’m not trying to recreate any particular nation or culture, but knowing the origins of influence both helps my creations feel more cohesive and gives me a reliable source when i need inspiration.

DO YOUR RESEARCH WHEN IT MATTERS. relatedly, you can’t be inspired by the real world—by real everyday people’s real cultures—without using them respectfully. more often than not, that means doing research. i suppose i think of it as, “if someone sees themself in my story, how is that going to make them feel?” i don’t let that thought discourage me or make me fearful; i use it as motivation to ensure i’m producing good representation. i know where my expertise and personal experience end, and i’m willing to put in the work to make sure i’m not being careless. that being said, research isn’t just about cultural sensitivity! doing your research—especially for historical settings or with institutions / processes you haven’t personally dealt with, like royalty or executive governance—makes the story stronger. you don’t have to bore your readers with reams of findings or shoehorning details into places they don’t belong. understanding the context in which your story takes place will help you intuitively and subtly render the world more realistic and immersive, write characters who are more believable and engaging, and craft plots that make more logical, interesting use of the setting in which they’re unfolding.

FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR PROTAGONIST. this is obvious, but it’s especially true when you’re writing a story the way i do. my storytelling is character-driven in the sense that, more than the events of the plot, i like to focus on moments that develop the characters and their relationships. it’s also character-driven in the sense that i choose a character or two and let them drive the narrative. i just don’t have the adeptness for ensemble casts; i can’t handle the moving parts, and i naturally close in on a particular character’s emotional world rather than zooming out. to make these inclinations work, it’s key to really know your lead characters(s) and feel comfortable working inside their mind / heart. i’ve harped on this before, but motivation is the single most important thing you can know about a character. it puts you on the path to answering so many other key questions, from what their desires are to how their backstory shaped them to how they struggle in the present to what their next move is. if you love your protagonist, then thinking about these questions is more fun than burdensome. 

EMBRACE THE MESS. there is a tendency to avoid messiness, one that is well-meaning but can undermine the story. if you aren’t comfortable with thematic gray areas, with unresolved loose ends, with lingering emotions, with conclusions that aren’t definitively happy, then i think you miss opportunities. these are all issues that have two sides: one is the dreaded plot hole or some equivalent writer’s mistake that leaves readers disgruntled; the other is challenging your readers and giving them intrigue to chew on, to dissect and debate, to feel as they read. my advice is that you can have contradictions and complexity and even ugliness in your story, but you have to purposefully put it there—or take control of it, if it arises on its own.

DO IT FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR OTHER PEOPLE. at the end of the day, the story that you pour your heart into just won’t connect with or excite everyone. the characters, the plots, the world, the genres, the way you post, how you talk about the story ... it won’t always resonate the way you hope. being okay with that is what makes storytelling sustainable. sometimes i wonder why i put so much effort and thought into what i’m doing, especially when it seems like no one seems to notice. what i have to remind myself is that some people do appreciate it and, more importantly, the process brings me joy. to reference earlier advice, i’m putting effort into the parts that are my priorities, and i’ve made connections with a handful of people who give me the enthusiasm i need on days when simple enjoyment isn’t enough. “being okay with that” isn’t a permanent feeling; it’s a decision you, as a hobbyist storyteller in a casual community, have to make and remake.

it’s okay to do it for other people sometimes. i’m including this caveat because my current project is a collaboration that i started for an audience of one, and i do make a habit of trying to put a ton of effort into all of my few collaborative enterprises. one of the reasons i gravitated toward royal simblr is that it’s a very collaborative space, but i think the best ones really do build reciprocal love for someone else’s story. if you’re going to care what other people think of your work or make choices with their opinions in mind, then i suggest doing it for people who are involved—who know what your priorities are, who love your characters, and who understand what you’re trying to do well enough that their opinions actually do make the story better. like i said, we're here to have fun, to get better, to be part of something.

okay, that's it, whoever read this far down is an angel possibly with too much time on their hands. as i said at the top, happy to be a resource or a supportive voice in whatever ways are helpful ! ♥️

[entropy-shelby]

Good News and Bad News

Cw: identity crisis and probably impossible physics (?) maybe, idk.

It's a warm morning when the news comes over the lines. A treaty has been signed, the War is over and Entropy can feel the excitement and relief that's buzzing among the soldiers. The good news means they'll be returning to their homes and their families.

Most of the soldiers would be sent back to Britain, the others going wherever they came from. Whenever they were around him, Entropy would offer a smile and a congratulations and listen to them ramble about the family they'll be returning to. He was glad for them, he really was, but the good news came with some bad news for himself.

With the end of the War comes the end of his purpose. The Colonel had already told him once the soldiers were all on boats back to their homes, he'd be shut off and stored away, potentially never turned on again unless another war arises and they need inhuman soldiers.

He'd served his purpose, he should be happy, but some strange bitterness has settled in his core. Sure he didn't have a heart or a brain in the traditional human sense, but he was sentient, he had emotions, despite how hard he tried to ignore and deny them. It all seemed so bittersweet.

Week by week, the soldiers became less and less in the camp, no more fights and no more need for the medics. Until it was just himself and about thirty of the soldiers on the base. It'll be abandoned in another week or so. Entropy found himself sitting on a crate behind the now empty stables, staring out at the stretch of land behind their camp. He had a lot to think about before they packed him up for good.

The Shelby brothers' voices can be heard approaching and Entropy doesn't attempt to straighten up, they've become good friends over the last couple years. They sit on other crates on either side of him, his frame looking less human than usual because of the summer uniform. Arthur brings the smell of alcohol with him, which explains his more than jovial behaviour and half adjusted stumbling. Entropy could almost laugh, if this wouldn't be one of the last interactions he has with them.

Arthur is happily talking about seeing their Aunt Polly and sister Ada and brother Finn. Tommy corrects Arthur every now and again when he retells stories with the wrong details and Entropy is struck yet again by just how much he's going to miss them and their company.

"So, you've been awfully quiet," Arthur says, slinging his long arm over Entropy's shoulders, "You know where we're heading back to. So, where are you heading to after this?" His words are slurred but they might as well have echoed as they hit his audio receptors.

"I don't have anywhere to go. They're gonna put me in storage," he says, trying to make it sound as nonchalant as he can manage. It was just a fact of life and he'd have to put up with it. The silence stretched on though and Entropy realised both brothers were now staring at him somberly.

"What do you mean by 'put you in storage'?" Tommy asked, voice level but careful, as if he's interrogating someone. Arthur's grip on his shoulders tightened somewhat, not that it could hurt him, but Entropy noticed it anyway.

"I mean, my purpose has been fulfilled. I was to serve in the war as an inhuman third party. Now the war is over and that purpose has been served. They no longer have use for me, so I'm going to be shut off and put away until they need me again, if they ever need me again." He hadn't noticed during his explanation but he'd been letting off heavy steam that coagulated in almost drops on his vents and cheeks, giving the impression that he may be crying, if he even could.

Another heavy moment passes, Arthur no longer so jovial and loud, almost as if it sobered him up a bit.

"No," Tommy says, like he's giving a command.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Entropy asks, perplexed.

"I mean, No. You aren't being put away," Tommy expounds.

"I agree with him. They can't just shut you off, you're as human as we are! Even if you're made of metal!" Arthur makes his point by knocking against Entropy's metal shoulder, causing a clink and clang.

"I think I know how we could sneak you out," Tommy says from beside him, now leaning slightly against him. Arthur shakes him slightly, laughing like he knows something Entropy would never understand, and he goes along with the movement.

***

That's how Entropy finds himself carefully folding his long limbs and body into Tommy's trunk. Tommy and Arthur had packed both of their things away in Arthur's trunk somehow to clean Tommy's out for Entropy.

"Are you sure about this?" He questions as he tucks his knees and hips into a more solid position so he won't be shaken around more than he needs to be.

"Completely," Tommy says, looking somewhat smug as he rolls his and Arthur's winter jackets up in a makeshift pillow.

Entropy shrugs and tucks his shoulders into the metal trunk, bending his back at an odd angle. He's thankful he can't have joint pain in times like these.

Tommy places the makeshift pillow in the corner of the trunk between Entropy's shoulder and the edge. Entropy reluctantly rests his head on the jackets and allows his joints to lock and relax.

Somehow they have made him fit into the box. He sighs a final heavy plume of steam before starting his shut down sequence. He'd explained to them how to switch him back on once the time comes and now they just have to wait and see if they get away with this.

"We'll switch you back on once we get to Small Heath, trust me," Tommy explains. It's the last thing Entropy hears before he loses consciousness completely. He hopes they are right.

-TBC-

[dgcatanisiri]

I won’t say this is my last word on the subject of Legendary Edition bullshit, because... Well, I know myself enough to be able to say that I NEVER have a last word, I’ll always want to rant again later on. But let’s just make this a sort of master post of the issues overall.

So... Is it fair to hold a game that is a good roughly fifteen years old to the standards of the present? Not inherently. So if the games were being produced in any sort of unedited format, that it was a strict translation, 1:1 ratio, of the original to the remaster... Honestly, I’d still be bitter as all get out, for reasons I’ll expound on in a minute. But it could at least SEEM justified. I could consider it the kind of thing that would be expected - if KOTOR got a remaster today, I would not expect that Carth and Bastila would be made into bi love interests, or Juhani would have her romance patched up so that it has the same level of detail and attention as the het romances. If Jade Empire were remastered, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Sky or Silk Fox’s same sex romances adapted so that the straight romances had to be closed out first. That is the kind of thing that, on a functional, practical level, I could understand. Doing a translation from old hardware, the old engine, I get the PRACTICAL reasoning for not making things better. I still object to this on the moral level, to say nothing of the representational one. But PRACTICALLY, I see why - y’know, there’s only so much financial resources going in, and changing things like romances, even if justified, means doing new writing and getting the voice cast back in, which has complications the longer since a game’s original release - actors retire or even die, the passage of time changes voices (like listen to the difference of the exact same lines by James Earl Jones between both versions of the Lion King). Even without those complications, that means paying them, which, in the production of video games, for everything that goes in, something else must go out. So that is the practical argument.

BUT!

But.

But, the thing is, even apart from everything else that I’ll get in to shortly, is that there have been a lot of claims from BioWare about inclusion. There have also been A LOT. of homophobic bullshit from BioWare and Mass Effect. And yes, I’m calling it like I see it.

Because we had the game that followed Jade Empire, with a M/M romance option, be Mass Effect, with NO M/M romance option (but FemShep and Liara could bang - the writing obviously favored the MaleShep portrayal, given that there was no marketing use of FemShep until ME3, and we had ME2 give priority to having loyalty conflicts between MALE Shepard’s romances, but not Female Shepard’s, and we even had BioWare hem and haw about how “well, the asari are monogender, so they’re not TECHNICALLY women, so it’s not REALLY lesbians...”). Because the official claim is that they just “didn’t think about it” in time to have these options included in Mass Effect 1. Because we’ve had writers now come out that Jacob Taylor was originally written as a gay man, but in the game itself was a straight man. Because there are plenty of women who throw themselves at Male Shepard, and Shepard is animated with having Significant Looks™ with these women, but not a single man who expresses any interest in him, until ME3 finally offers SOMETHING, which came to just Kaidan and Cortez.

Because we had one of BioWare’s heads, one of BioWare’s founders, say in an interview right around the release of Mass Effect 2 say “Shepard is too predefined a character to be gay.”

That is what I mean by homophobic bullshit.

And I haven’t even started on Mass Effect Andromeda.

And I’m gonna start on Mass Effect Andromeda now.

So after ME3, after Kaidan and Cortez were actually romances, we honestly gave them a lot of faith - they got the message, we said. They understood that they couldn’t just cut out M/M romance in the game, we said. They didn’t need to have the constant observation that demanded they provide good representation, we said.

And then they cut Jaal’s bisexuality, leaving him straight on release, without even a chance to flirt and be turned down, the bisexual male character who did remain not only was planet bound, he also is a character who a solid argument can be made that he falls into the trope of the Depraved Bisexual, a trope that over in Dragon Age, Patrick Weekes specifically said that they wanted to avoid and so didn’t make a character bisexual because of that. And the gay man is not only almost totally disconnected from the game (aside from one point in the plot, he can be avoided entirely and is not included in almost any other group setting among the Tempest crew), he is also an accessory in his own plot line, which was also heavily criticized for being intensely homophobic. And of these, the only thing BioWare deigned to change was Jaal’s bisexuality. (Which, personal note, I’m uncomfortable with personally, because as it’s implemented, it just feels kind of afterthought-y. Much like Kaidan’s in ME3, being unchanged from a new FemShep romance, despite the active inability to romance him in ME1.)

So it is not just a matter of “you have the ability, you’re changing other things, you should do this.” I mean, that is absolutely there - the mods exist for the original game, to the point of being able to even get the romance scene to fire right without Shepard’s gender magically changing once the clothes come off. (I have a vague memory of, at some point, probably around the “too predefined” comment, that being another excuse, that there was difficulty with having the models play nice with one another in that scene.)

But this is about addressing a pattern of behavior on the part of BioWare, that they have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, to the bare minimum that their own statements on matters of representation and inclusion claim they aspire to. That if the fans are not actively holding their feet to the fire, they are GOING to take their fans for granted - “you don’t get better quality content elsewhere, we’re your only choice!” But “only” choice is not a “good” choice. It’s not a choice with quality.

So if we don’t make a big damn deal about this now, when they have a chance - when they have a CHOICE - to make things better, to provide better representation, to correct the mistakes of the past... What will we get in the future? How will they backtrack on this in the future? How will they exclude us in the game they just announced a few months back? How will they continue to tell us that they don’t want gay people in this setting?

Look, I don’t use these words lightly. But that is, whether it’s a conscious attitude at all or not, what they are telling us. By not including us, by making us optionally involved, by making us disposable within our own stories, by cutting out our content, they are saying that they do not envision a world, a future, that includes queer men.

And anyone who does not speak up, does not condemn this, does not demand that they DO. BETTER... That is tacit approval and agreement. Because you’re saying that things as they are now - the removal and undermining of our content, of our EXISTENCE in these games - are perfectly fine and acceptable.

And yeah, I’m sure that reading that has probably made some people mad, believe I’m being unfair by saying that, because it’s going to push away allies. Thing is, and this is one of the things that always comes up in anything even tangentially activism related... THIS ISN’T ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF THE ALLIES. This is about listening to the people who are being hurt and saying “you don’t deserve to be hurt this way, things need to change.”

BioWare needs to change its approach. And, as we have seen, it does not come just because of a handful of angry queers, demanding to be represented in their games. It comes because of the community at large calling them out and saying “this isn’t right. What you have done is not right, and we are calling on you to fix it. To do better.”

Don’t just stand there and shrug this off. Because evidence tells us that if they aren’t called out on this now, the next game will not be better. And we will be in this exact same place, having this exact same argument, all over again, in a few years when the next Mass Effect game comes out. When the queer men are given the shortest end of the stick again, and people who are right now saying “what do you expect from a remaster?” will either suddenly turn around and go “I don’t know why BioWare would do something so homophobic” or, worse, “well, it’s something, I don’t see why you’re upset.”

We’re upset because we keep having this argument. And we are going to keep having this argument until people are willing to actually DEMAND that things be better. This is the chance to make things better now.

At this point, a post-release patch that includes a Male Shepard/Kaidan romance in ME1 that is tracked through to the following games is a bare minimum fix, a change done to make it clear that BioWare understands their mistakes in the past and want to make things BETTER.

It may not be easy, but genuinely fixing problems never is. But it’s work that needs to be done.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

returning the favor: do you have any hcs re: winston, past or present, that you haven't expounded upon before or at length or just feel like talking about again. whatever you like

Thank You.......yeah idk really what hc's i've like "officially" described here that often lol, but then also there's that whole complication where i don't really ever come up with ideas & when asked anything i'm probably going [???] like, classics like "what do you like out of [broad parameter]" & it's like damn....i dunno. what ideas do i have about winsotn who i've thought about every day for > 2 yrs??? that's tough.....& Then the further chaos of like, when i do have hc's or w/e it's less discrete, concrete invented ideas & more towards the end of the spectrum that's like "well i kinda interpret this part of canon vaguely this way" &/or "i have This vague notion that i haven't solidified into a pretend fact or that i'm not at all committed to or take that seriously" where it's like, not only is this not really nailed down but it's basically free floating / i might have other ideas that would contradict each other lol. seems like a more concise list of Stats that are fully/exclusively my ideas is more exciting, but instead i can offer vague "i dunno / what ifs" based on vibes that i verbosely describe lmao, plus i'll forget a bunch of ideas i may have had i'm sure but you know. what else have i ever offered; never really trying to sell this material to otherwise uninterested parties or only make posts that guaranteed more than one person might enjoy, why would i be starting now; and ig if i write a bunch of stuff here & go "oh & i forgot like a half dozen obvious things" i can add on to it if it's a big deal.....plus it's always tricky with billions in particular being vague abt its own characters lmao, we only see [outside of work] personal stuff if it's going to become directly tied to [definitely at work] professional plotlines, or Maybe glimpse some character contextualizing things for the more central characters....side characters have more blanks to fill but also that means. just more that's blank lol & kinda a mystery of Up To Interpretation.....i figured one way to have any structure for this at all is to have a part looking at each winston involving episode's info. well anyways, after this meandering intro that kind of illustrates how i'm sure the rest of things will go here lol, i'm just gonna throw a bunch of stuff down in general. thanks again for the prompt to do so, b/c why not

really the one concrete discrete idea i have which isn't in the canon text is, of course: he is autistic

does he Know? idk. either way, think he's pretty aware of how he operates (& how he Can't operate), but if he doesn't know that's probably more for the "also: he's self loathing, which was basically textually implied" stuff lol. just mentioned it but i do always enjoy the tayston idea that taylor's talking abt in the past having it floated by a therapist/s or whomever that they could be autistic, them considering it but it not applying; winston going "hmm" & doing his own considering & researching & then maybe exclusively sharing the news w/taylor....but of course, maybe he's figured it out himself at some point before. i do think he'd figure it out himself though rather than anyone else directly suggesting it (maybe out here being diagnosed with "just the guy who sucks who we don't like / won't act right or normal" sort of usual experience) & i think, if he knows, he's not about to want ppl at work to know, b/c not as though anyone (but taylor & other quants) particularly seems to be impressed by his quanting proficiency, but he sure gets some validation/affirmation through that route (more re: that of course) and knows that ppl going "oh he's autistic so of course he's better at Doing Math / computer stuff as a like, mechanical efficiency sort of thing" or whatever. and the fact that taylor can interact with him / gives him some leeway to generally do his thing means he's kind of already got space to operate how he operates, see the start of this section....and idk. transitioning into the next section ig

just an Interpretation Of Canon thing here but, re: how these characters generally operate & what their reason is for being around doing stuff in the first place, i guess it's that winston does genuinely like to do & is interested in the math/coding stuff involved here, was also genuinely interested in working for taylor specifically (whatever The Hype specifically was), then you have taylor having the "despite your demeanor, your skills are superior" stance & appreciating what he can do & letting him do it by hiring him for real & all, & here we are, Q is for Quantitative, baby......he must find it rewarding enough to be getting to do this quanting stuff and also, the potential for validation when anyone recognizes he's good at it & by extension finds something about him good & wants him around to any degree

okay just that Episode By Episode stuff for a section here

3x03:

kinda extra room for interpretation b/c this was written as a one off character and reintroducing him in 3x09, written to be recurring, feels like it kinda offers a Soft Reboot for what we got here, where i guess how i take things is that we can suppose in both 3x03 & 3x09 winston's putting on a deliberate Performance to some degree based on what he thinks the potential employer wants to see, but it's also not completely fake / inaccurate either time, & like, maybe the 3x03 vibe wasn't a type of performance he'd only just ever put on for this axe cap interview, & even if it was deliberately bold maybe he was sort of thinking he Could bank on his value as a quant meaning he holds most of the cards (or can get away with acting like it)

building on that & as a More General point of interpretation again: think it's easy to suppose winston could've had an existence w/many elements of frustrations & disappointments & Rejection, but where like, he did figure out these areas of interest & proficiency that seemed to be a more positive force in his life, & leaned into them / focused on them further for it, & i could see him focusing on milestones / graduating from one thing to the next & conceptualizing like, well, if i just get to This point by working on This thing then i'll have it together & be able to move through existence more successfully, like, there's winston going into undergrad & kind of disappointed he's not having that good a time socially / feels like he's missing out / being left out still, but he can be like, well that's fine (: i'm totally fine abt it b/c i'm focusing on the Education & Experience here & when i'm entering the job market as an amazing quant anyone would want to hire then ppl will be seeing me in a positive light & things will fall into place / go great for me / i'll feel like i fit in & am doing things right within some structure. & i think maybe he Did have all those other job offers / opportunities & he was at least partly feeling a bit "objectively" confident, & also maybe just hoping he Could be that confident & that, you know, if he goes ahead & acts like that's the case, it could be confirmed / become true....anyways then obviously disillusionment time

since his outfits are introduced here: more "just how i'm interpreting canon" stuff in that i do just suppose he is mostly focusing on comfort & it'd kinda get in the way of things if he couldn't. flipflops might've been a statement piece but also i figure at least in part about the comfort / lack of much opportunity for restriction or ill fit or chafing texture or anything, same goes re: pants & shirts. interesting he likes to wear the patterned layers but doesn't really wear like, stripes or plaid ever. plus it could well be that Just A Tee is too informal unless you're the formalest of all by virtue of position, i.e. the ceo, but also we sure often enough see him wearing hoodies &/or multiple layers, like, maybe that's just for warmth or weight or what have you, always considering "what if it's about being self conchy as well (different way of saying self conscious)"

3x09:

so yeah with winston not having taken another job (at least maybe only like, temporary ones as these self contained gigs / just something to pay the bills) figure it's been a Depressive Period for him here lol & deliberately going on a journey of like self reflection / examination & going "haha yeah hated what i saw" is like, i don't think the self loathing is anything new, the confidence in 3x03 kind of an optimistic bandaid lol like well here's the new me as i understand / hypothesize / hope he could be, totally confident in being backed up by how valuable he is as a quant, then taylor kind of ripped that off and wound's open again but that wound was also not brand new or something he was unaware of / that didn't affect him before now

re: math meetup, i can see that being him presenting more evidence of his talent as a quant but also specifically going "see, i do this collaborative thing" to present this more conciliatory and cooperative approach to taylor, & am also taking it as evidence that he really does Enjoy math / coding stuff beyond it simply being a means to a professional end. i also like to think he has been / continues going to math meetup regularly, at least once a month, maybe every other week, and that it's this semi social event, like the relevant irl group you found back in the day that like, meets up for pizza before and drinks afterwards. i also like to think that, like, while he might come off as A Bit Much during said math meetup / just speak up frequently enough and often enough with some insistence lol, people Are there to meet up about the math and his contributions Are valued despite if his delivery/approach isn't always endearing or whatever. and even if he's not really popular / warmly embraced in the more [socializing event] bookends of the meetup, he's perfectly tolerated, and there's even a person or two or three (also regular attendees) who do vibe with him enough to like, invite / even want him to sit with them / talk with them outside that Math Setting. math meetup pals, maybe he doesn't meet up with these people outside these events but maybe they have each other's contacts and sometimes text. not these intimate personal relationships, but still something real and positive and refreshing. it'd be nice if math meetup could kinda be like what he hoped for from quanting, this way his math lets him "qualify" to access this group / activity, his aptitude "making up for" perceived lack of interpersonal / social charm & charisma & what have you, & having some reliably friendly people around even if of course that's not on its own going to mean he's totally socially fulfilled / not often lonely or anything. hc: he's often lonely & not totally socially fulfilled

he does, of course, want to work for taylor specifically, as long as they want him to, and this is sort of his second chance to find validation through working as a quant lol. think that yeah sure winston likes validation in general, who doesn't but also of course he's maybe a bit Above Average sensitive to / keen on it, but he'll also care about Affirmation if it's coming from people whose opinion he particularly values. think that it's easy to suppose he's also especially sensitive to taylor's assessments here thanks to the fact they really hit a (raw) nerve with him like, sure is the potential to get caught up in feedback loop city & say, have a few months mired in self loathing & an especial lack of certainty & confidence, if someone's kinda gone "i hate your self hatred" lol, but he also Did have this especial interest in / high opinion of taylor before that 3x03 interview, & so that's what continues to be part of it here

but then also interpreting that second 3x09 scene as like, he Does independently Know His Value as a quant and yknow not only has his pride but also can't and isn't going to first and foremost focus on trying to socially perform being peak Accommodating and Appealing here lol. but he still cares about what taylor thinks, wants to work for/with them, and i think it was Mutually Appreciated in the last scene that there was Mutual Effort to cooperate w/the other, giving him a Cue instead of just being mad & obfuscating it unless & until giving up on him completely or w/e is Constructive. interpreting winston as someone who sure can be a bit petty on purpose, especially in the face of some wounded pride (where he seems to take pride in his quant abilities & maybe not much of anything else: see the self loathing otherwise), but isn't really one to be deliberately antagonistic, especially not towards, yknow, the person he specifically wants to appeal to, but he also knows he can come off as grating whether inadvertently or not, so he might be testing the waters a little as well

3x11

he's using headphones even though no one else is in the room, that's a preference / he may also just like to block out other sound in general, as there's no audio of [winston's music faintly playing as / before he takes off his headphones] or indication he paused anything. does he like metal, what with the yngwie malmsteen reference? maybe, but that might just be a Billions Reference thing that isn't meant to indicate much / anything abt the specific character. i don't have any hcs about it anyways besides "okay" if so

first time we see his watch, it's not the calculator watch until s5 but i am a fan of said calc watch....gotta suppose it could represent him being here for the math of it all, what with how fancy/expensive watches are kinda the whole like status / power play thing, and a calculator watch is, afaik, not expensive, these casio calculator watch listings i'm seeing are all priced like, $15 to $25 range. so.

2nd scene is the first time we see sleeves pushed up, a frequent choice, maybe if he's focusing sleeves against forearms / Wrists & Hands can be bothersome. also not the first time he puts his hands in his pockets but i think that's a deliberate choice for winston's sort of Default Pose, equate it to the choice to have jared hang / hold on to his backpack straps.

guess he can also be a bit petty / rude / grating on purpose if ppl are getting in the way of his mathing / coding or otherwise thwarting it, at least probably taylor can relate / sympathize what with them wanting to Get It Right / being bothered if people get it wrong but could've avoided this

noticing all the caffeine and the fact he maybe didn't leave the basement / was powering through that project All At Once....just noting that down as a potential Approach, wanting to not interrupt focus &/or bear down & keep a fairly intense pace until it's finished / stay in the zone or what have you

definitely doing some deliberately cocky Testing / pushing back / amicable power struggle with taylor there, confirming he does have leverage due to that quanting ability after all, Despite His Demeanor / not being "sweet"

by this point definitely consciously kinda wants taylor to rail him.

4x03

i have no concrete hc's of instances inspiring winston to think he's "always seeing the future" but god i wish he did. he's right a lot though, maybe he just notices as much lol

talking mostly to taylor here, then concluding with "i only thought it but didn't say it; doesn't count....damnit." like he wants Their validation thanks, even if recognizing his Win here still wouldn't help them either way....also first time we see him w/coworkers for real, he's really freely Interacting.....time to go ahead and say he'd like to be work friends / at least have friendly interactions at work, might be a bit desperate for such positive social interactions, especially in this environment where he thinks the "objectively" good thing about him is most relevant, but it's cringe & fail (&/or vulnerable to Attack) to outright Want something, like validation / affirmation / a positive response or a simple "yeah you're right" "positive" response

first Space Shirt, followed by ones that are like, also &/Or Sci Fi Shirts. does he like space? i guess so

he's autistic

4x08

here & in 4x11, we don't know how he's gotten this info about taylor re: the arc w/their dad or with axe cap, but he's apparently mused on it on his own like this & isn't just quoting what someone else told him about how taylor must feel about xyz & how that might apply to the situations at hand, even though (unless he cassandra'd it) he wouldn't've had that much cause to suppose it'd definitely be relevant to have ideas about how taylor feels / is navigating a situation & why, maybe he just likes to be prepared like that / stay in the loop but yknow, maybe he's just also interested in them as a person beyond what's most immediately relevant to him doing quant stuff for them

he's already done the sort of kicking himself / wincing / apologizing or agreeing he fucked up an exchange thing before but, the genuine disappointment / momentary discouragement in it always lol....self loathing guy

love how he has these little like, clarifying explanations of things. "total control of the instrument," "always seeing the future," "because i win".....he's out here wanting to communicate to connect & to be understood, not so much as a potential for a power play / status climb and thus a conflict.....can see ppl who are used to / Do see interactions in that light to interpret winston yelling about having won as a like, rubbing it in people's faces show of superiority thing, but pretty sure he's just excited and wants a high five

4x11

having talked about the fact none of the desks in the tmc hq main floor seem to be winston's (& knowing that Could just be wroland not being reliably available to be in the bg of shots lol, analyzing s4 shots for some Consistently Empty desk) but it is fun to also consider that maybe tmc Could've had a secret extension in that that quant haunt in the basement was kept. a little more furnishing and it could be pretty chill, even though the lack of windows might not always be ideal. where's he sit!

also the whole "guy who'd be the first one smothered" moment like, guess i could've mentioned it in 3x03 more but yeah my Headcanon here is that winston maybe has a master's degree, not a phd though (him saying "50 phds" in 3x11 i think was meant to differentiate from him on both points, aka he's 1 guy, without a phd) & this is his first "real" job in any field. b/c i'm guessing like, people are here to get Paid, but as mentioned w/the watch (& just how winston acts in general, he doesn't really seem like he's raring to show off / really take advantage of having money or anything) it doesn't seem like he's, like, the "exceptionally focusing on personally making as much as possible" guy, and lauren's remark seems to emphasize / place the context on winston just not having like, savings from prior salaried years at a job or anything, more of a practical matter, maybe he's out here hoping for some more financial security, also they are all living in nyc, so. on that note, maybe he has an okay apartment but like, not without problems / not absolutely ideal, but it's okay. this would just be Convenient as an hc also lol

don't think the monologue was completely memorized, but it wasn't completely off the cuff either, he'd maybe been brainstorming scripts in his head / had some particular parts solidified word for word, but also hardly think he was guaranteed planning to deliver an admonishlogue at all, seems like it was some important factors that he was just kind of already irritated, nobody was listening / people Were social pressuring him to drop it or not interested in entertaining like "yeah i think you should talk to taylor about it" at all, think it was clear that talking to others was only going to lead to them telling him to drop it / trying to not have anyone say anything to taylor, and then that taylor just jumped in, which i hardly think he was hoping for

always Something that we can expressly see winston moving to sit down in that soon to be empty meeting room as everyone else is clearly filing out lol, like, can see how he might not be able to go "well, back to work" immediately and need some irritation / feeling like shit / guess who just got yeeellllllllllled aaaaaat to burn off, might need some time to absorb "well i guess i just deferred so no bonus as was probably expected," but can also suppose that maybe when winston gets majorly Shut Down he has shutdowns. saying all of four words in the wake of things, otherwise the fact he has this approach of tensing up, not talking at all, kind of just holding onto eye contact as his last way of "properly" participating in the exchange w/o bailing entirely, while also outwardly withering, like clearly these kinds of moments are pretty significantly affecting....feels like he could find it difficult to talk much, or at all, in the wake of some / need some time to recuperate a bit & have some distance & quiet & not just jump back into work like he's having a fine and normal time. sometimes pondering like, not only those notions like taylor insisting winston not be Interrupted when he hasn't technically started talking yet (giving him the buffering / latency time) but also like, fun kinda imagining them sitting across from each other having a texting conversation....or times winston would rather have an exchange via email......or make use of the sticky notes......or just have taylor talking to him and picking up on his nonverbal responses

winston's very Not present in tmc meetups / get togethers this season & again we know that this could be because his actor wasn't very available but it's still the case In Canon that there's only so many tmcers and they're all seeing each other outside work / market hours for varyingly formal or informal purposes & he's never included. & simultaneously hold the hc's that he could be choosing not to go or he could just never be invited in the first place l o l.....in either of these situations the reason for declining to go or being excluded could be up to "b/c other ppl don't like having him around" and idk, best case scenario is he doesn't want to go for some other reason, but he acts pretty okay with the All Hands meetups we do see / when in meetings with the other named employees he's pretty raring to interact with them, so :/

4x12

i do like to think it's fun to imagine What If Taylor Had A Phonecall With Winston Before This Monologue; someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure, i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.....just them both having a more sympathetic approach with each other and a sort of dialed back reconciliation, tbt 3x09, without an audience / roomful of other people

do think that his wearing a tmc logo tee into axe cap hq was a deliberate Statement Piece, like wearing flipflops into axe cap in his true first time being there lol

first time we see the backpack, & the headphones (in this season), like the point you (nothingunrealistic) made about the backpack possibly kind of exerting pressure / compression in a Sensory Way. let's see it again

as good a time as any to bring up how it's such a consistent pattern that it Must be a choice that winston smiles in this direction :/ and grimaces / winces / frowns this way :\ but a choice of the actor of course, was it ever a conscious thing on winston's end, would not put it beyond the realm of possibility he's ever consciously thought of stuff like "even if words fail me(tm) i Gotta hang on to eye contact".....i'm thinking of times he is smiling hard enough that you just gotta do it more symmetrically, like here in 4x12

5x01

he likes bagels

think that this could've been another case of "people who are used to interactions used for conflict / power plays / stepping on other people to status climb (axe cappers in general, maybe team ben having to be extra prone to be on the lookout for these strategies when they're more often on the receiving end of them) misinterpreting winston socializing as means of connection (wanting to talk about the common work thread / interest with coworkers)"

even if for some reason quants were cold shouldering axe cappers like, a sound strategy even if team ben are worthy exceptions. Winston Can Get Petty When People Blame Quants Talking About Being Quants For Axe Cappers Harassing Tmc & also when in the process of doing so everyone's like "also you're smarter than us but no you're not, any math quants could do fundamental analysts could do better" like, winston getting more deliberately antagonistic when ppl are going after his Math Aptitude / value as a quant when that's his "objective" point of pride & confidence & possibly like haha self loathing can't get me here

5x02

winston's decimal points being more precise here i think indicates that the show is not taking the stance of "yeah the quants are just any old analysts with an attitude of superiority" lol

do think he selected that particular seating placement b/c it's like, hey furthest away from axe cap, most aligned with taylor's desk & angled towards it, perfect.....what a letdown

guess this episode suggests he and mafee have chats sometimes, and winston maybe confides At All Sensitive Info w/the guy? bold

always just smh like well thank god we were given this subplot where winston was a plot device really for dollar bill's arc or whatever............what a gift

5x03

just noticing as always how winston is the one person saying they should go for it vs the other two's skepticism / trepidation, and taylor decides to go for it.....they do value his input / trust his judgment

i am also noticing how often winston, as the math guy who doesn't really fit in w/ the whole axe / caply approach & style, has this role in giving taylor these crucial opportunities to pursue their own direction rather than be mired down in the misery of axe cap determining everything....3x11 & his algorithm letting them break completely away from axe cap, 4x11 & his admonishlogue making some Points & then next episode taylor does decide to abandon the revenge jag & says they were wrong & they're sorry....5x03 & this nlp strategy plotline being the first thing taylor could actively pursue for tmc after 2 eps of being dragged painfully through axe cap nonsense, & the fact this, in the next episode, leads to the Impact Fund idea / mase carb

5x04

see that last point

5x05

guess that until confirmed, The Glances being significant is a Headcanon Interpretation lol. anyways i do like taylor giving him these discreet, nonverbal cues as a very deliberate method of communication titrated betwixt them

oh right and an Age Cue here, before that was nailed down i think i already hc'd winston as either the same age as, or a year older than taylor, and that's still true lol, think that's how it goes with the timelines (taylor's being kinda uncertain, and winston's as well, having prior just kinda gone "well if taylor's 22 when they show up as the typical post undergrad age, and each season spans approx a year, and maybe winston spent just a year or two post undergrad getting a master's b/c nothing nails down how long it would take & he could've kinda been ahead of the curve as it were, he could be, say, 23 thru 25 in s3 when he shows up, to taylor's Maybe 23" as the Idea)

just wants to work for taylor as long as they'll have him, but would also like to be openly valued / affirmed on a pretty basic level lol...

one of those matters that's like, i do think that this is what the material is Trying to convey but it's not concrete / explicit, in that i think winston somewhat Likes rian right off lol like. i mean he's also still annoyed on principle, this is maybe his replacement & that stings that it's even a possibility & of course he has reason to want to feel like "oh well this person Clearly sucks" lol, but then there he is trying to scope out the situation & get immediate intel & it's like, here's this fellow 20something you immediately think is pretty (the mental comparison to an A lister as a dunk, lmao) & you see her being perfectly friendly with your nice coworker you're also friendly enough with, that's one degree of separation, now here he comes talking about how cool & epic & smart & capable she is, again makes sense he's still first & foremost bothered by the situation & has cause to just be more jealous about how well everyone immediately thinks of her (see: winston making bad first impressions that may never be undone, the fact other coworkers were probably never going around openly impressed with / praising him after meeting him for 5 sec, or like, ever) but i suppose this immediate underlying sense of attraction / affinity hits in that First Sighting as well

love that we see the feet up on the desk show of confidence again, very funny & glad it's back.....a tool in his arsenal for when he's Very Bothered But (unsuccessfully) Acting Very Unbothered / when he's trying to pitch for his employment lol

when did he have a first gf? perfect time for an hc.....feels like it'd have been like, idk, older high schoolers at the youngest, that kind of emotional commentary....or in college. sometimes pondering the idea like, what if he had a bf first actually.....or not, & Feeling A Way around other guys sometimes like, hmm guess i think this guy is pretty cool &/or i'm kinda like "god i wish that were me" about, then some more noticeable Tension as he's older even if he can't really discern the reason b/c this person's pretty nice & cool actually, hmm. then one day you're doing hw together with a while for code to compile & Oh Hey Lol

meanwhile think clearly rian defuses the Reason For Rivalry (and also clearly immediately likes him / interacting with him & you know, outright sticks up for him & in this significant way) & then when they connect over Math it's all coming together very outright like Oh Hey Lol 😳

also he Gets Right Back To Work easily enough, & like, i think already there's a deliberate performance of "i'm now totally unbothered," but he's just pretty good at shaking things off apparently. & he kind of has to be, to not bail completely or else tamp down his own personality / avoid interactions, but you know. plus that like, he may get irritated when his pride's wounded but around here people can have a whole crisis & arc about it if their egos are bruised in the slightest, so like. pretty blasé

5x06

this isn't really any hc or Interpretation by any stretch but this is the first time we've seen winston pull that particular attitude in that second scene with rian and it's beautiful.....if something's bothering him he's so often like outright indignant but this is like, i'm Bothered but i'm being so dignant about it, for like 4 sec

also the bright green hoodie / bright, high contrast, geometric blockbuster tee is so Vivid but like, always noting how he wears relatively colorful outfits. fun to go "maybe this one's deliberately extra eye catching b/c of this new crush" lol

5x07

the difficulty in reading that much into things when the lack of sobriety could be making any & everything an outlier, & can't even really read into "apparently down to take stimulants (beyond caffeine) on a dime" b/c well, so is everyone else, so that this situation can unfold, we knew he had a crush on rian (or i guess we didn't, but this is pretty direct about it), we knew he likes validation, taylor Knows him well enough that it's not just like "oh he's acting weird? well that's winston for you" to them, which we also knew but it's fun to confirm further lol

and now for some more free floating / general concepts

family? i have no idea. feel like he either has no siblings or several but yknow, anything's possible. we know what he's like Now, don't think he got that solid self esteem / self confidence as an emergent quality from [everything that happened to him before 3x03] & don't suppose he has this like, rock solid close warm familial relationship of understanding & unconditional love & support w/whoever he grew up with, parents or siblings or whoever he lived with....like, the relationship/s could be Fine but you know, still not all that close

i don't think he was every completely friendless (or if he was, it didn't last Too long) in terms of like, throughout school maybe he had some pals, no amazing close [fingers crossed Like That] ones where someone had like, grown up as his next door bestie and they did everything together & knew everything about each other, nothing all that close, but he had people to sit with at lunch or what have you, even if at times like, the table nobody else really sits at but the people who don't have anywhere else to sit lmao. maybe some slightly closer friendships here & there, but people often kind of got subsumed into other friend groups that he wasn't otherwise a part of / otherwise just kind of gradually distanced again...but also possible he had perfectly amicable occasions of like, maybe only having a class or two with certain people, not striking up intimate friendships but hitting it off well enough.........like, winston's out here Not having been stomped down into suppressing his personality all the time, he's still fairly earnest & forthcoming & eager to connect, just sort of vaguely going for "he maybe have always had this element of discouragement & disappointment re: socializing / connecting / forming relationships / sometimes just being accepted on a basic level, but he also didn't have his spirit totally extinguished either" although there's also the room for stuff like, yknow, him Holding Out Hope like "well nobody likes me now / i'm unhappy but maybe once i'm in college [gets to college & still isn't having a great time] okay well once i Enter The Workforce" lol. you know

but it's also like, hardly think he's Only Just Now experiencing the [winston: ___ everyone: get his ass] type stuff & pushback & punishment & disdain over not really doing anything but people hate his style & vibe, & feel like there's also still room for like, yep wow got burned sometimes / having had some pretty negative experiences......we do have to end up in this place where, you know, 3x03 happens and he doesn't just go "guess finance isn't for me!" & dust himself off & go get some Guarantees from some tech firms, & instead he's Really Glad [Taylor] Called & hasn't taken some other more desired job between 3x03 & that call & is immediately like "good news: i do hate myself" so like, can't see him having just thrived his way to this point....evidently not all dating relationships have been just epic highs & victories, maybe he has those math meetup pals now & maybe idk there's other people he's in sort of in contact with, maybe people from college / grad school or the like, still not that close, figure he's generally been lonely like, overall, despite regularly enough seeking out / striving for connections

oh yeah speaking of, the idea that he has a cat maybe lol, in part simply for company, a little guy that lives in your house / apartment....but also maybe he doesn't

always just some general notions like, also idk maybe he engages in hobbies, talks to people through that just like with math meetup....talked about the Embroidery idea, got that computers/programming connection, was thinking like, idk fuck it amateur photography, develop your own film, maybe he took a class in college or high school or something, same with like, maybe he plays a musical instrument, said "the cello, why not" about that as an early [shrug] idea lol. he does like space, maybe he does Anything with that....rip to any astronomy clubs In Nyc like, guess you're not seeing shit, but. 4x11 au, after deferring his bonus he goes to some cool cinematographic celestial occasion like taylor & the sea glass fish carousel lmao. taylor catches up & they have their [i'm sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart] exchange lol.....except also not, b/c you wouldn't really want to have Parallels with m/any moments ft. wendy & taylor :/

recalled like a particularly casual / throwaway idea about like "lol what if he was somewhat thalassophobic" in part b/c once actor william dropped that lore abt himself in an interview, but. could have somewhat some other phobia/s. or not really any! what a world

maybe sometimes he's out here like, single & ready to Fuck like, focusing on just hooking up w/people sometimes rather than really looking to date at the juncture, although it could both be true like, he'd Like to be dating but also doesn't really currently want to do all the Putting Himself Out There & such of seeking it out / trying to consciously navigate it, but sometimes it's more manageable like, just wanting to have sex. looking out for himself when he can & how he can lol

speaking of, some vague sexy hcs

gets pegged

especial fan of Tongue Against Tongue texture, enjoys some Grounding elements to avoid being overwhelmed / narrow things to the more relevant sensory input at hand, like the weight/pressure of a partner leaning / lying against him / holding him tightly, if he's overwhelmed in a good way / kinda got some sensory overflow in a good way he might cry during sex In A Good Way lol, took some time maybe in his Personal Sexual Experience to figure out some general differences in "what he doesn't like at all" or "what's off the table / too unpleasant for him at some times but Not necessarily at all times & might be completely enjoyable sometimes," like, am i willing to perform oral sex, am i willing & Enthusiastically so, is that way too much actually, it can be all of them at varying times....maybe in more everyday general situations he refrains from stims in front of others unless stressed enough, but while having sex with someone especially if at all nervous it's like, there can be this transition between repressing stims & being more unfiltered / uninhibited where they kind of build up & then come through in kicks only to be reined back in, either like, he simply does go for a more reined in approach the whole time or anyone else is willing to ride this out with him / he kind of has the time & space to figure out more of a flow, in which case he might still stim but you know, not as though people aren't used to stims in this situation, i.e. reacting to stimulation with movement & vocalization is at least expected & it could once again be like "well he's a bit weird with it but hey" lol or you know, not that some partners can't be understanding or have had experience w/similar partners. hardly make or break but this can be a vulnerable interaction here / hard to shake the self consciousness & sense of "i Do have to filter myself and act The Right Way" all at once just b/c you'd want to

hey and let him sing karaoke or something lmao, winston is as Dramatic as he is, he would give a performance. work in a way to let everyone who sings sing around lol, could throw in some Affectations so that it's like yeah winston can sing without having to be like "wow winston, when'd you become a trained broadway performer" lmao. imagine. which reminds me of the time will joked about like, oh yeah winston Gets That A Lot re: people recognizing he looks like the guy in deh, aka will roland....the limitations of "this is set in real nyc" including occasional references to recent / popular shows, fuck it maybe will roland does also exist in the billions universe. well anyways it would be fun. the karaoke anyways, and that he'd give a top tier Performance whether or not people are first and foremost enjoying his technical / artistic skill at the art of singing, it'd at least be personality infused and engaging

taking it way back to the ideas about winston's social misadventures in general, i'm sometimes considering for fics i never end up writing if he might have some like, misgivings / anxieties about like, is this person i Like acting like they maybe Like me back as some kind of elaborate joke, & maybe the caution comes from experience like you know, classic over the line "pranks" like asked out As A Joke, kissed As A Dare that he wasn't aware of, think there could be like, would be Friendship / friendly acquaintanceship experiences in there where such "pranks" / "jokes" / "messing with him" (and not in a good way) could happen, or even just you know, more Spontaneously, don't even know this person & he's treated as a joke for other ppl's entertainment, realizing at the time or retrospectively like oh maybe i was more being bullied then having any positive social interaction / getting to feel at least "included" or what have you, like, the idea of getting to hang out with a group as The Funny Guy, but he's had these experiences getting to hang out with a group & realize it's b/c they thought he was funny / Amusing in a laughing At him, not with him way, which is easy also b/c winston isn't really out here trying to be funny that we've seen lol. only realizing he was still being excluded after some time / distance from the situation, or escalating open hostility / just more blatant meanness / over the line shit from some people, maybe some stuff that just immediately feels shitty but he figured was just like, well idk, maybe that's normal & still friendly, maybe it also felt more outright embarrassing / demeaning at the time but it's like haha yeah you got me :'] at the time just to save any face lol.....possible unexpected / spontaneous amicability in his socializing history, but also shittiness, whether it's coming at him all at once or he's kind of holding out hope like, well, i just keep at it / have a Friendly attitude here and surely i'll make friends b/c if people didn't like me At All why are they talking to me / letting me be here at all.....

always kind of pondering Fashion Variation, we haven't seen it but it could be possible, musing on "what would he think Looks Good On Him / how does he feel capable of like, dressing for romantic success or what have you lol" like, was the vivid 5x06 outfit anything, cue the drawing like, a bralette & short shorts is shaking it up and could be a Felt Cute outfit and could also be comfortable enough....not always That much room in men's(tm) fashion before you start having to be aware of [Gender] and dunno that winston out here has had the inspiration / motivation / opportunity to consider / try out / explore but hey. what are we here for

just remembered that post like "uhh i just saw a guy crying in the library & then his phone alarm went off & he stopped crying, opened his laptop & started typing / it's called time management" lmao like winston's not out here having the Most amazing time, he could have such Time Management experiences of like, letting it out some on purpose but then reining it right back in, and/or just like some spontaneous paroxysms of crying for a minute or two more unexpectedly in a "do you ever [experience a tiny inconvenience] & realize the thread by which you're hanging on is quite thin" way or otherwise, you know, oops experienced this frustration & now i'm crying over it, or idk, just feeling a bit more vulnerable for whatever reason & something has unexpectedly plucked some emotional string attached to another string attached to another & the resonance = i'm crying now ig. he can't be Thriving out here & i don't think he's all about having such a stranglehold on emotions that he's like oh tf i Never cry (aside from having sex, in a good way)

although speaking of like, emotional repression, maybe he's out here just "good at" compartmentalizing some experiences lol in that "well anyways, back to work" way & stuff like, sure he knew he was risking it in 4x11 but it also did not seem to affect his dynamic with mafee at all lmao like wow.....

think that him not really having anything on his work desk is a choice / preference but also am not sure that that really applies to anything else lmao. what if he had a little plant. that'd be funny

oh yeah and the idea that winston might literally have like prophetic dreams & they're just kind of a nuisance to him but sometimes they can be plot devices in fics (that don't exist) about him kissing people

well i'm just calling it a night there lol but like, it always feels Lacking writing out hc's like, plenty of ideas but also hardly any, and yet the fact that other individual ideas are so Vague / casual that it wouldn't be like "oh i gotta share this via post or manifesting it some other way" so then it feels like, oh no, if i don't list absolutely Everything on something that's specifically a list of hc's, i can never talk about whatever gets left out......and just that like, i ought to have a bunch of really specific, concrete, unique Factoids about winston here to be of any interest but hey lmao. that hypothetical set of concepts is never gonna happen, & the Ultimate Comprehensive List Of Everything I've Ever Pondered Re: Winston is also going to be difficult lmfao (not as though that's what you've asked in the first place) but you know, we took a swing at things here & covered some ground & the thinking about & talking about winston never ends, & this isn't really a post meant to have broad appeal / if you're not already having fun reading vague musings about the quant then i'm sorry you're reading this after having read all that and gone "wow, i'm disappointed" lmao but hey, weird choices made to bring you to this point......also god knows plenty of hcs are more filed away under specific like [Tayston], [Benston], [Riawin] sort of things (lol, [Mafon]) b/c on the one hand, i find it easier to kind of think in Scenarios and the details particular to the "scenes" therein, but i am also not good at thinking of those scenarios! out here operating on vibes, he's autistic and wants to kiss taylor (also now rian but that's kinda right in canon, not just my head) and that's really the crucial info here

[imaginaryhuman]

Insecurities, Fortitude and the Unfortunate Phenomenon of Gatekeeping

Note:

1. I'm trying to not be afraid of my own opinions (this will probably get a different word wall)

2. This isn't a hot take or a "permanent opinion". It's just...current. I think opinions fit a dynamic mold. Or I think it should since circumstances change and experiences can change thought processes.

3. My initial draft for this was a lot more aggressive and angry. When I started writing, I thought I would only tackle the one thing I was very familiar with (insecurities), then I read an article that miffed me a bit because of the gatekeeping vibes, and for a while, I was angry about it but then I realized how common it was. I've heard it from my brothers, I've experienced it with fandoms, with books, with cooking, and with running. There's even a subreddit for it! 👀

It's not like I'd wake up one day and it will be gone. Still, it does push me a few steps back when it comes to conquering slight misanthropy. But it matters to me to say this cause I grew up seeing myself as some last draw.

_____________________________________________________________

"I feel most responsible for myself when I'm insecure" I've wanted to expound on this for a while so here goes:

I've grown to have an intimate (and rather painful) relationship with insecurities. I was a sickly child so I would be in and out of hospitals so frequently that establishing young friendships didn't come easy. Some kids didn't take kindly to impermanence too and it's not anyone's fault. It just happened to be that way. Growing up, I came to realize that I wasn't exactly great at anything. Had I not been exposed to extraordinary minds, maybe I would have come to terms with it much kindly except I wasn't. I always thought that people around me were brilliant, smart, and talented (until now). To the point where I felt the need to alienate myself from it all so I could remain in the forefront of my own mind.

Comparisons come naturally but having them weigh on you is a different ball game altogether. Learning ways out of it is always challenging because insecurities aren't just a singular form of monster-- Sometimes it's about the future, sometimes it's body image, sometimes it's the gripping idea of not being enough for anything you love and it's all so cursed and horrible.

There was that time when more things were piled up on the mental shelving. I was talking shit about someone. Sure, people do it all the time but I think that time I was... viciously and purposelessly nitpicking. Everything I could say about that person, I said it. Totally not proud of that moment and a friend thought so too! First, they told me to shut the fuck up. Just like that, really. Next is they pointed it out. As in told me "V, you have a problem and it's really fine being a total hater but you're not usually like this with other things you dislike. What's wrong?" and then we EXPLORED. Doing this can be so cringe a lot of times but hey, we face the music in this club! I was happy to not be thinking about it alone and the experience made me learn a new way of confronting things and issues that make me feel insecure.

We talked about the whats, whys, and hows of being one hell of a hater and how even if certain reasons are justified. Like, okay, someone did something bad to you and you hate them for it? That's totally valid. Do you find certain traits a bit off your tastes? that's valid too! But even if they are valid feelings, most of the time it's not enough to justify certain actions. The thing is, we don't really have the right to be so up in someone's business about every little thing they do. It's frustrating and I feel like a hypocrite saying this sometimes because I have the obsessive compulsion to keep everyone at arm's length but I feel like there's a parameter where peoples' businesses either become something welcome or becomes a blip on a radar that I'd aggressively shoot down. Although I know that my radar can get too wide and that I need some willpower to hold back snark and suspicion. What can I say, I'm weak to any notions of ill-intent (a byproduct of assault).

But fortitude would sometimes come from borrowed words:

"Don't deny yourself what you think but don't do yourself a disservice by not figuring out what it really is about"

I was told then. To be truthful but exercise tact (I'm neither tactful, clever nor silent hence the trouble that follows) and to be mindful of the undercurrents of my thoughts. I think it's important to take a step back and at least ask yourself the most honest and genuine whys.

Insecurity has a bad rep and is too often used derogatorily for something so common and rather natural. But I feel that ultimately, insecurity stems from an understanding of what you don't have and the frustration of having aspirations. Having aspirations being a good thing but the frustration makes us people act up in so many different ways. For me, insecurities have primarily manifested themselves through the urge to just hide everything that makes me happy because I couldn't (and it's still hard to) stand digs at the things I do to keep me sane. Plus I've always thought them (happy things) few and temporary so that's that. Younger me was weird about it omg.

The rule in this house now though is to express what makes me happy and I think I've saved up a bit of grit to not allow myself to be gatekept (by others and by myself**) from those happy things! I love a lot of things (baking, running, reading, pets, anime & manga, drawing...) and the gatekeeping going on with all those? Surprisingly plenty! A totally different word block (that I won't write because I think this has to be put to rest here), really, and also a total nightmare. But how it applies in the realm of insecurities is... Oh, boi. Ignore it-- it's just bad news as it is strong fuel to a fire you don't want to keep going. If you love doing what you do and you're not hurting anyone then just keep going. I know for a fact that the things I love doing are loved by many others too because running? Creating things? Reading? These are things worth loving without it having to be a competitive chore (If you wanna challenge goals though then hey! Good on you! YOU CAN DO IT!)

Draw your lines, plan your layering in a way that fits your style. Use the tools that work for you. Put on your shoes and get going. I'm only particular with speed because I want to get better (and lol I am not fast) but just being out there and moving? That's already running. Fail some recipes or nail em, whatever happens, just try. Fangirl over what you wanna fangirl about! Post it on your IG and all your other socials. A rather horrifying realization is that no matter what you do, someone's gonna take a dunk at ya. Worse, you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily. It's okay (not really but... if it happens, it happens ). Even if you're used to it, it will still get to you but maybe less and less through time. When the voice of apprehension guides you to retaliate in the most painful way you know, just keep the fear at bay and be strong to not let that urge take over your words and actions. Be frustrated! It's fine! And I really don't support self-harm so please don't misunderstand when I say that when it comes to fear and insecurity, there's a lot you have to take on yourself so you don't hurt others. A lot to unpack between you and your brain. There are people who can love you without patronizing you and those you can trust to reign you in when you lose better judgment. Be honest and let them in.

Have that conversation.

//

Extras:

- AH! But I got to say this cause I also saw a post that said "if you haven't ran 50 to 100 miles, you don't know what a hard run is" wow. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't. He's probably not a fun date.

- this: "you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily" is from experience. An extra worse thing is to be vilified for retaliating. Like...was I just supposed to sit there and take it?

- I used to not like motivational quotes! I mean, I'm alright with them now for sure! We were talking about them and I was asked "What's wrong with properly credited borrowed words? You use them all the time since you like referencing songs." and it was like a tunnel of light appeared before me! Sorry for those whose post I've frowned at! I had an angst phase! I am very genuinely sorry 🙏🏻

[baekchelor]

𝕕𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟

pairings: George Mackay x reader genre: romantic comedy rating: pg13  synopsis: on the set of his new film, golden boy George Mackay learns a basic human truth: that the heart is deceitful above all things. warnings: slight smut

❝i  love  the  ground  under  his  feet,  and  the  air  over  his  head,  and everything  he  touches  and  every  word  he  says.  I  love  all  his  looks,  and all  his  actions  and  him  entirely  and  all  together.❝                                                                                                  ― emily  brontë

FOUR | ENDINGS & BEGINNINGS ◄ ᴘʀᴇᴠ

George has six different scripts waiting for him on his red mailbox when he gets back to his apartment building. The tail end of this autumn is a chilly, constant rainfall —one of the coldest London has seen in recent years.

Alma rolls down her window and waves, "Call me if you need anything." She's in the passenger seat of the Range Rover that picked them up from the airport.

"My sister sent over food," George responds. Daisy's text came in shortly after they landed. "I'll survive, Alma."

"That's not what I meant," his manager replies pointedly.

A mob of fans had been queuing in wait at the airport. George knew they were in for the hysterical cries and invasive photography, the obstacle course of thrust-out gifts and feet to trip over. He wished he could have had his last goodbye in peace, a memory in a hushed corner, however brief. But the sheer mass of bodies had been too much to contend with. In the end, he and Y/N were escorted out through separate gates. She took a flight to Los Angeles, he to London.

So again, with only the slightest fluctuation in tone, George says, "I'll survive." Because he and Y/N's friendship remained on good terms, and now that her T.V. Series promotion summoned her to L.A., he will have time to get over his little infatuation. When they see each other again, George's heart won't be able to jeopardize their relationship, and the prize will be to have Y/N in his life forever.

Not even an hour later... his plan goes to shit. George considered himself a man with a strong will. Apparently, when it comes to the girl who stole his heart in Mumbai, his resolution is tossed to the trash. He played London Boy first, then the Heartbreak Prince song, and before he noticed, he had ordered Chinese, simmered his ass on the sofá, and listened to Taylor Swift's entire discography as thoughts of Y/N, Mumbai and the way she makes him feel invaded his mind.

It takes almost a month for George to meet up with Dean, who's finally back from his filming schedule in France.

They kept in touch via texts. Dean asked for advice in certain scenes, described his character and his approach to him, and narrated funny anecdotes on set. In turn, George told him about Mumbai in vague, emotionless terms. He's had no contact with Y/N since they got back to their real life, and instead of making him forget, it filled him with a deep sense of loss. George partially blames Taylor Swift for that, but he doesn't tell Dean. It would be too humiliating, especially since George has never been lovesick before. The feeling is persistent and tactile, and terribly unsettling.

Today, they're at Dean's flat, smack dab in the centre of Soho. Dean has got his head bent over his phone, reading some table nonsense to not lose the habit. George nurses an iced coffee he ordered from UberEats and delves upon the fact he doesn't even like Taylor Swift's music yet his phone automatically play her songs whenever it is connected to Bluetooth.

George still holds out hope that he's going through a phase. A Y/N induced phase. Maybe, sometime soon, it will pass.

"You okay, Geo?" Dean is looking at him with concern.

George blinks, and he realizes belatedly that his friend is no longer at the table. He's standing by the water dispenser in the kitchen.

"I'm just thinking," George says dismissively, eking out a smile. He doesn't want to talk about this.

Dean smiles back, understanding, but he refuses to cave. Once his glass of water is filled, he returns to the table, and with a sigh, he asks: "Have you read the news lately?"

"No, not recently." George drums his fingers over the table. They produce a dull sound. "Why?"

"I'll show you," Dean says, handing the phone with a window open in a gossip article that headlines Henry Cavill and Y/N Y/L/N had ended their long term relationship. This time for good.

George's mouth quirks, "I see."

Pressing his elbows to the table, Dean nestles his face between cupped palms. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"About what?"

Dean's eyebrows slope and George traces the wood grain of the table with his fingertip. "You could be happy, you know? If you tell her," Dean addresses him openly.

There's that all-too-familiar twinge again; a heartstring plucked. "You don't know that," George bites the inside of his cheek. "We never even..." He trails off, and of course, he remembers: Y/N's fingers lacing into his, Y/N's warm body wrapped around his… Y/N's mouth, slick and soft and open for a kiss.

"That doesn't mean nothing happened," Dean mutters. "I know you, George. I know how much you're keeping from me. Your texts were dead giveaways if anything at all. Do you know how sad you look right now?" That word, again. "It's the first thing I noticed when you came in. I've never seen you like this. Like you're lost, or something." He puts his hand on the back of George's chair. "You realize everything's changed, don't you? And it's never going to go back to the way it was, no matter how much you force the issue?"

"What do you want me to do, Dean?" George says, feeling caged and itching with defensiveness. "Throw away our friendship, this special bond we have for an infatuation? For all I know, she can only think of me as a friend. Nothing else." He's embarrassed by the tremor in his voice. "I don't even know what I'm doing, pining over a girl like this, and she and I —we never discussed what this was, between us. And it's like you're asking me to risk it all, our friendship, Daisy, my peace of mind, so I can try for something uncertain with, with..." He hasn't said her name in a while, so his tongue stumbles over it. "Y/N."

"Yes." The word is as solemn as a prayer. "Because, clearly, you don't love Daisy, you never had, that's why things between you were nothing but a fling. You love Y/N. It's not just an infatuation."

George breathes silently, heavily, staring at the table.

The next words that come out of Dean's mouth are gentle, designed to coax, not provoke, "You have to stop torturing yourself, George. It's just making you miserable."

"Dean..."

"Listen," he sighs, clearly exasperated. "You say you don't want to put your friendship with Y/N at risk, but you already did. You're losing her in every fucking way possible. You haven't talked to her in weeks. Right now, you two are as close as strangers. All because you're scared."

"I am not scared. I am rational."

"You are not, Mackay. And you need to realise it."

They would've most likely kept going in circles if friends-with-benefits Daisy hadn't chosen that moment to text George. He replies because he wants a distraction and needs reassurance that what he is doing is the right thing to do, but the words of a dinner date and romantic plans sting nonetheless because it's something George wants with Y/N and can't have.

When George leaves the apartment, promising Dean to meet on Sunday for a match of Call Of Duty, the latter looks over and asks for George's well being.

George pulls up a smile to reassure him, but it's acted, and he knows it. All he can think about is that barely-there brush of lips in a hotel bed, that Thank you for Mumbai, that last look at the crowded airport, that question Y/N never asked him fading away like so many summer days.

It takes another four more months after that, and up until the very end, George vacillates between doing it and not doing it, making up his mind only to change it again at the last minute. But when he finally ends things with Daisy, it's almost like she's prepared for it.

They're sitting in her car, in somewhere's basement parking lot. Daisy doesn't have a speck of makeup on. It makes her look younger, more fragile.

"I wondered who was going to end it first," she says, thumbing at the steering wheel. "I thought it might be better if it was me. Maybe it would hurt less." She shrugs, and a lock of hair falls over her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," George mumbles. He brushes it back, out of habit, before he realizes he doesn't have the right to do that anymore. His hand recoils. "I never wanted to hurt you."

She shrugs again, but her mouth twists this time. It's a defence mechanism. "I shouldn't be this upset. We weren't dating, you didn't love me, and since day one you made it clear you didn't seek for commitment," George can't stand the look on her face —one of pure defeat. "I told myself so many times that I could win you over. For a while, I was convinced I would actually get you to love me. There used to be this shiny little space in your eyes, reserved just for me... but when I visited you in Mumbai, I'd already been replaced without even knowing why."

"Daisy..."

"Do you really think I believe you want to end this because of your agenda, George?" she murmurs. Her laugh is brittle, like clattering metal. "Don't lie to me. I know it is because of Y/N." Her lip trembles, so she sucks it into her mouth.

She had known, after all. And she's angry, of course, she is. George deceived her. The shame of it makes his stomach roil with acid.

"Daisy," he entreats her, "She never...we never...I didn't..."

"It's worse that way," she hisses back at him. "It's even worse." She doesn't expound, but George understands her perfectly: a betrayal of the heart, not of the body.

When she adds, "I always knew you would fall in love. I just thought it would be with me," the blood rushes straight to George's head.

"I am not —I am. I don't know," George answers helplessly. He's dizzy, and he feels naked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I loved you so much," unrelenting, she whispers. A plump tear rolls down her cheek, followed swiftly by another. She draws herself up; proud as the Ophelia she plays in the theatre. "I don't want to see you anymore. Not anywhere. Delete my number. Delete our pictures. Don't bother sending back anything I've left at your place —you can have it all. Throw it out, if you want. I don't care."

George thought he'd been prepared for the consequences. He didn't realize it would feel like he was tied to a whipping post, his back exposed, as Daisy's words lashed him again and again.

The worst part is that she probably feels the same kind of pain, too.

"Why couldn't you love me?" she shakes out. Her cheeks are wet.

And George doesn't care if she hits him, doesn't care if she bruises his chest and his face with her balled-up fists that still smell like the coconut in her lotion. He reaches across the passenger's seat, pushing right past the boundaries he'll have to observe from now on, and he envelops her in a fierce, hopeless embrace.

She cries silently, her tears and sobs suffusing his shirt with damp heat. He holds her through the whole thing, knowing full well it will be another one of those last times until, after a long spell, she calms.

"I did care for you," George says then, tenderly, his voice breaking. "How could I not?"

Her entire face gentles, just a moment, before the softness is gone; the keenness of fresh heartbreak taking its place.

Daisy nods, perfunctory, and looks away.

When the door on his side unlocks with a quiet click, George knows she's telling him to go.

The bitter afternoon turns worse as George settles down on his couch, back at his apartment. His phone rings with a notification from Dean claiming it is better if Georges hears such news from him. A link is attached, and as soon as George opens it, he feels his heart rip apart.

All along, Dean was right. The time spent worrying over Dev Patel and Henry Cavill was a waste. He never saw Luke Hemmings coming, the thought didn't even cross George's mind, and now Luke and Y/N had been spotted together. Several times.

They went to Trader Joe's, left the store with bags of organic food and bottles of pink lemonade. They spent a weekend in San Francisco, Luke's nails painted red, and his fingers resting on the small of Y/N's back. They shared a cigarette at Sunset Strip, outside some old bar 80's rockstars use to hang out at. It annoyed George the most. She smokes with Luke but refused George's cigarettes the many times she came along to watch him poison his lungs with nicotine.

Dean was right.

Taylor Swift is right too, it feels like death by a thousand cuts. There's no use to get drunk, it won't be enough, he knows it. George pretended it was okay for so long when it isn't. The morning will come, and Y/N won't be his baby, won't be his friend. She is Luke Hemmings', and it is all George's fault.

At the pre-screening party for Dharma, two days before the film is slated for release, George finally sees Y/N again.

It's been months since Mumbai, months since Daisy, months since Luke Hemmings and months since they've had any sort of contact.

George's dyed his hair chestnut in preparation for a new role. Tonight, he wears eyeliner under his eyes (it reminds him of those days he filmed Hamlet) and a leather jacket. Greta thought it would be fun to throw a rock-themed party, she hired a band to perform live and required the dress-code to be inspired by the Age of Rock.

Y/N is wearing a black chain embellished mini skirt, a white turtleneck underneath a fucking 5SOS t-shirt, and she's, again, hanging off Luke Hemming's arm. His hair is a blond silk sheet draped over his forehead, and his lips hover close to Y/N's ear, speaking into it confidingly. It gives George a pang, right in the centre of his chest.  

There's no avoiding each other. Not when Y/N is looking at him, all smiles and excitement, and she excuses herself from the conversation with Luke, Timotheé Chalamet and Florence Pugh to run straight towards George. He is tongue-tied, yearning, and all he manages is a lame nod that suits neither him nor the object of his affections. Y/N stops right in her tracks.

"George." Not London Boy, neither Heartbreak Prince. It sounds unnatural.

"Y/N," he replies. Not Gorgeous. "It's been a while."

They shake hands, and George is satisfied with that, but Y/N encircles her arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as George had wanted to hug her all those months they spent apart.

"I missed you," she says, a whisper. If only she knew how much George missed her, and the lengths he went to get her out of his head. He tried to hang out with new people, meet new girls. Hell, he even went out with his ex-girlfriend Doone. Twice.

Before George can be honest, his body tingling from the embrace, Luke greets him. He is polite and keeps things as brief as possible, but George forgets about him immediately after. Y/N is here, right here, within his grasp. She's with a handsome man, and it's been so long, and George is afraid she's forgotten all about their time in Mumbai. But there it is —that blessed, steadfast question flickering behind Y/N's orbs, and George clings to it like a port in a storm.

The moment Luke excuses himself to the stage (he will bless every guest with a song —George want to roll his eyes at it), the atmosphere shifts between them. She attentively waits for Luke to start singing; everybody is cheering and excited, and people let out awe sounds when Luke strums the first chords of Eye In The Sky. Of course, he would sing such a hit. Of course, his voice sounds perfect, and George grows embarrassed over his two songs from the Been So Long soundtrack. Of course, he feels, once more —The first time was when he walked inside and Here I go Again blasted on the speakers—, attacked by a song tonight.

"How've you been?" Y/N murmurs, eyes trained on a point across the room. The stage. "We haven't spoken to each other since we got back." She licks her lips into a cautious smile.

George follows the movement closely. "I ended things with Daisy," he says. Just like that.

"Did you?" The smile falters. "I mean if that is what you wanted... I'm —I'm glad..." If George hadn't spent so much time with Y/N before they stopped spending so much time together, he would have missed the subtle quake in the girl's voice. "How are you holding up?"

"Better." George looks over at her. He doesn't mean he felt terrible because of Daisy, and now he is better. George is better now because she's here, near him. "It was a big mess, but now I feel free." He licks his lips too because they've gone dry. And then he catches it —Y/N's gaze darting quickly to his mouth.

He places his hand on Y/N's thigh. It tenses, just for a second, before giving in. George realizes, at this exact moment, when Luke sings about how he can read someone's mind by just looking at them, that he can read Y/N's mind, and gaze, and body language, and he knows what Y/N has wanted to ask him. He's just been a coward.

"That's good," she exhales. "I'm glad."

Well, he won't be a coward anymore.

"We should talk," George says, voice pitched low. "You should come over to my suite, and we should catch up."

"Tonight?" her limbs tense again, muscles shifting under George's palm.

"If you like." George wants and wants and wants. "But only if you haven't got anything planned with your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," Y/N tells him, and George knows there's an unspoken yet in her words. His heart skips a hundred beats. He still got a chance. He can still get the girl. And he can't wait for this party to be over.

"I'll come over tonight," Y/N agrees. "After this, whenever it ends. Wait for me." She passes her hand over the one George's resting on her thigh. Every meeting of skin on skin is a promise. George wants to hear it out loud for once.

"Perfect," the last of George's fingertips traces over her knuckles. Luke is weaving his way back through applauses and clinking champagne flutes.

"All right then, Geo."

George French-exit at ten, because he just can't sit still any longer. Plus, parties ain't something he is kneen of, they are a part of his job, and he has to endure it as much as filming in cold-ass water. He didn't even attend The Oscar's after-party, to begin with. Tonight he decided to come along because he wanted to see her, be near Y/N at least one more time. If everything goes well after midnight, he will lay eyes on the girl of his dreams forever. It gives George hope.

He squeezes his way out of a cluster of guests and quickly pulls Y/N aside.

"I'll see you around midnight," she whispers. George's thumb traces soothing little circles into the underside of her wrist.

"Midnight." He feels the skinship all over his body, like concentric ripples of water. "I'll be waiting."

George is wearing sweats now, showered, changed, and just...ready. His bangs are flopping into his eyes (he grew his hair for the same role he dyed it, and it is long enough for him to tie it in a small bun at the back of his head). With arms exposed to the warmth radiating from the fireplace, George rests on the duvet in front of it, staring at the flames and cursing himself for blowing it out of proportion. The fact he has felt blue since Mumbai is his own doing, and taking such responsibility, is what tells him this love is worth the fight.

The clock on his wrist reads half-past twelve. It's not that he is afraid Y/N won't come —although the thought of it makes him lose his mind. It's that the build-up to this moment has been torturously slow, achingly indefinite and he just hopes this thing, whatever it is, works out the way he wants it to. Which is Y/N, telling him that her heart belongs to him, that they'll be just fine.

It's a quarter to one when the doorbell sounds. On the other side of the door, Y/N's face is exhausted. "I'm sorry. I couldn't get away until now."

"It's fine," he says, stepping aside so she can come in. "You've never been late before."

Y/N slides off her jacket at the entrance. She's still in her party outfit, and even though she's still wearing that damn 5SOS t-shirt, George has never seen anybody look so perfect. Perfect for him, especially.

He doesn't know what his body is telling his brain, but suddenly he's reaching out and curling his fingers into Y/N's hair.

Both freeze on the spot, unsure of their actions. When she looks up, George's ocean eyes are perilously wild.

"I don't wanna lose this with you," he says.

And finally, velvet-toned and whisper-soft, she asks: "How do you feel about me?"

George is standing in the portal of the foyer, a step above her. Barefoot, in a tanktop, shutting the door close. This is it, he intones, brimming with everything he's kept to himself all these months. Finally.

"How do I feel?" he mumbles, more to himself than anyone else. Then he rests his forehead against Y/N's, his hand cupping her face with such love, if they were still filming Dharma, Greta would have gone nuts. He once told Y/N that James and Marina's love seemed out of this world, and now, he understands them. He feels such. "I'm in love with you."

All the resistance seeps out of Y/N's body —a vapour, escaping. Her shoulders sag in relief. Her expression softens, turns bittersweet.

They've wasted so much time.

"That's good to know," she breathes out, shaky "because I am in love with you too."

It's George who steps forward and presses her against the wall. Y/N is ready for him, craning up, so their lips latch together like magnets. At first is gentle, soft, almost fearful, but it slowly morphs into a kiss hot and heavy, deep and merciless. They breathe in through their nostrils, so they don't have to stop kissing. There are no polite introductions, no tentative licks against the seams of their mouths. She opens up for him willingly, without being asked. Their tongues circle in a primal dance and George gets completely drunk off of it, plunging in for more.

The sound it pulls out of her makes George kiss her harder. He takes one hand from where it's tangled in Y/N's hair and trails it down her neck, her shoulder, her chest, and back around to her bum. When he creeps a hand under the skirt to palm her legs all the way up to her smooth back, the girl breaks away for air.

"Do you know," George rasps, "how crazy you make me?"

"Do I?" The question isn't provocative, is innocent. Y/N really is clueless about how she makes him feel.

"You're making me jealous all the time," George mutters. He pushes their hips closer together, and they both let out sibilant gasps.

"I thought you were in love with her. When you brought her over." Y/N is trying to regain control, but George presses in to make her shudder. "Thought it was over between us."

"It was never over." George tugs at Y/N's bottom lip with his teeth then lave over the spot with his tongue. "My body is mine, my lips and skin as well. But I am not. I am yours."

On cue, Y/N slips a hand under his tank. Her fingers meander over the grooves of George's abs, searing the skin. "Your body is yours, your lips are yours, your skin is yours. And I am. Yours," she murmurs, chest heaving.

George shuts his eyes. It feels so good. All of it. He brushes his thumb, feather-light, over her lips. His voice is dangerous, "What parts of you?"

"Everywhere," when she answers, George pulls the girl flush against him, peeling away from the wall so he can walk them both in the direction of his bedroom. Y/N lets him lead the way, as she sucks at the side of his neck. She's going to leave marks at this rate —a row of dark red roses—, and fuck it, he wants her to, so he can see the evidence of their mutual longing tomorrow. Y/N feels George's heat and his strength, there, between her legs, and it's enough to make her shudder. "Everywhere."

They don't say it while they're naked, writhing at every touch to uncharted territory, sweating from their exertions towards climax as they come together as one.

George does say, "I didn't look at anyone else since I saw you," and Y/N whispers, " I didn't think of anyone else since I thought of you."  

They say it in the daylight, over the pot of coffee Y/N brews and the out-of-a-magazine waffles she blushes at when she sheepishly serves it to George, sprinkled by powdered sugar and syrup.

"Hey," George says, pushing around the berries. She's sitting on his lap, wearing his shirt, his scent on her skin, and George feels in heaven. "I love you."

He strokes the side of her face, slowly, sweetly, shyly, until the two of them are blushing. He suspects this is one of those moments he will carry around with him like a photo in a locket —a small and lovely secret.

"And I love you, Geroge Mackay," she says in return. "More than anybody else."

►

A/N: aaaand, that’s it. Hope you enjoy it. Next week I will post the Epilogue and the heartfelt message for all of you who have read this. Lots of love. xx

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Share a Lair 08 || Share Our Talents

The two of them had been at each other’s necks all day, a little more than usual. On the one hand, Max generally seemed to be playing around with Henry or at the very least, unaware of how much he was bothering him. But, he definitely had to be purposely upsetting him today. Charlotte… didn’t want to get involved. In general, she was a peacemaker, and specifically, she was their peacemaker. But… This was supposed to be a fun weekend!

She had been having a blast with Oyster, who wanted her to try to do his hair like hers. “Your hair isn’t the right texture for this style.”

“Can you do it to Angus?” He wondered. Angus’ afro was 3c, maybe 4a, so close enough to her curl pattern where she might.

“What makes you think that Angus wants this hairstyle, Oyster?” Charlotte asked.

“I’ll take it,” Angus said, laughing. Charlotte then proceeded to make rows of braids on the sides of Angus’ head, pulling up into a fro hawk, as he played videogames.

On the other side of the room, Henry glared at Max and Ray came up with a plan, “Look at that! Look at that!” He said.

“What?” Henry and Jasper wondered.

“Charlotte and the puffy haired kid. They’re hitting it off, right?” He asked. “What if… he asked her out on a date?”

“She’d say no,” Henry said, at the same time Jasper said, “He’d get embarrassed in front of his friends.”

Ray rolled his eyes and said, “You kids no nothing. I’ve gotten rid of a TON of women by just pushing them off on somebody else and I’m sure that I can get Charlotte off of that kid you hate, the same way.”

“Charlotte’s NOTHING like anybody that you’d date,” Henry tried to point out to him.

Meanwhile Jasper said, “You can’t outsmart Charlotte, Dude.”

But Ray was on his way. He flopped down next to the two and made Charlotte mess up her current braid. She scoffed and looked at him. “So… This is cute,” he said and pointed between the two. Angus glanced at him, confused. “You two look… mighty cute together. Anything in common?”

“Max,” Angus said. This was Max’s girlfriend, as far as he could tell.

“Oh, that guy, yeah. I don’t see how either of you are friends with him, if I’m being honest, but you’re JUST friends, right Charlotte?” Ray asked. She laughed nervously while Angus got distracted from the game to look up at her reaction, messing up the same braid again.

“Yeah, yeah, we are,” She said, then told Angus, “Eyes front, Bro. I’m almost done.”Angus returned to the game, but Max had just won the match. He groaned, but this wasn’t Max’s girlfriend? That was… interesting… But, she definitely wouldn’t be interested in him though. She seemed really smart and stuff. He was some artsy dude who embarrassingly had once referred to himself as a living Drake song.

“Well, I think that you would be adorable together,” Ray said.

“You don’t know anything about this guy,” Charlotte told him.

“I know that he’s beautiful. His voice is very soothing. His hair is nice and full. He’s great at video games. He has fashion sense, I think… for your generation, I guess. You like fashion and video games, too.”

“I’m a musician!” Angus said, more to Charlotte than Ray.

“Charlotte LOVES music!” Ray said, giving him a playful punch in the arm. Charlotte squinted her eyes at Ray. What was he up to? “You know, she was in a band once?”

“I was too, with Max,” Angus said. “Now, I have my own. I make tracks, they’re kinda rock, kinda rap, but not like that metal rap stuff from your day. Good, honest rap and good honest rock. It’s a vibe, really.”

“My day?”Ray repeated. “I’m not that old…”

“So, there’s like an age gap between you and your partner?” Angus wondered.

“My partner?”

“He thinks you and Schwoz are together,” Charlotte presumed and clarified.

“WHAT?” Ray said and now, he was done speaking to this guy. He returned to Henry and Jasper and told them, “Not gonna work. Kid’s a complete moron.”

“You sure about that Mr. Schwartz?” Henry asked, laughing. But, they heard Angus ask Charlotte, “So… You’re… really single?”

She laughed and looked at him, “I don’t know how anybody finds the time not to be, to be honest. I’m single by choice. I have no idea why he’s trying to play matchmaker. He’s not good at it. He’s not good at most things…”

Angus got eliminated and sighed. Two losses for him, then. “Well, yeah… I can’t imagine what somebody like you would see in me,” he said.

She furrowed her eyebrows and said, “All done! We oughtta take selfies.”

Max was watching the whole time. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but he felt territorial, nonetheless. Technically, he knew that he probably shouldn’t be. Charlotte was very independent and wasn’t officially his, and even if she was, she was the type to value her freedom and love someone who could trust her to be around anybody else. But, not everybody else knew her like he did. He had paid a lot of attention and learned a lot of information. While Angus might be hitting it off with her or was happening right now, he had no idea that their little whatever was happening right now, he had no idea that their little superficial brief connection was cutting into Charlotte’s lunch time.

Soon, her blood sugar would be low, she’d be cranky and ready to snap at people, then be mad that she had to fix something  to eat/that she had let herself get hangry.

Max left them to their laughter and such and went to fix her a sandwich, some fries, put a few cookies on the plate, and make some tea. He set everything down and went outside to grab some flowers, just to accent the tray. Whenever he got back inside, she was getting up from the couch with her grouchy face on…"Char!“ He called.

She looked up, and he could tell that she was about to brush him off because she needed to get something to eat, so he spoke quickly as he handed her the tray, “Made you lunch. I know that you’re approaching hangry hours.” She stared at the tray for a moment as he announced, “Grilled gouda BLT with arugula and spinach and honey mustard, fries, lemon white chocolate cookies and a chai latte… Your… brunch order, right? Whenever you call The Deli Royale? I just… hacked into their system for the recipe so I could make it for you at home for a fraction of the price… free to you!”

She looked up at him, and he could see in her eyes that he had won. She stepped closer and smiled, picking up a fry. “Wanna share?” she asked.

“Not really hungry, but might grab a few fries.” They sat at the island and chatted while she ate and touched him casually, numerous times. They were sitting close, knees touching and he leaned in to tell her stuff the entire lunch.

“So… Are you on truce with Henry right now?” She asked. “You two sure seemed out for blood earlier.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “He was out for my blood. I basically was just plucking him in the forehead. You know that if I ever actually wanted to come up against Henry, he’d be destroyed.”

“I appreciate you holding back for him,” she said with a little smile.

“I don’t do it for him.”

“You know, you’ve said that before to me, but you never expound. You do it, why? For the sake of being a hero? Because you’re bigger than that or something?” She wondered as she took a sip of her drink.

“I do it for you,” he said, as plainly as one might say ‘hello.’ She choked on her latte and he winced. She laughed at herself by the time she stopped choking and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to catch you off guard,” he said, blushing. “You all set to destroy these guys?” He asked.

“Yep!” She was about to take her dishes away, but he grabbed the tray from her, kissed her on the temple of her head, which she leaned deeper into, and he smiled against her skin and went to put the dishes away. Charlotte slowly slid off of the stool to go back to the others, unable to stop smiling about what had just happened. That was… not platonic, right? That was definitely not her imagination. Max had made her lunch, told her that she mattered and kissed her on the face. Sure, friends did stuff like that, but… This didn’t feel like that.

“Where’d you vanish to?” Oyster wondered when she showed up again.

“I was right there, at the island, having lunch,” she said and pointed to it. Max laughed from the kitchen… which was open to the living room. “Or, are you messing with me, Oyster. Because, I honestly can never tell if you’re actually confused or pulling my chain.”

“I actually have never joked about anything, ever in my life. I’m a very serious person,” he said. Charlotte sat down in between Oyster and Angus as Angus played against Henry. Max came to the couch and Oyster and Charlotte slid over so that he could be in between her and Angus.

.

Whenever Henry and Max played against each other, they were bickering again. Charlotte laughingly watched them, but the more that they played against each other, the uglier it got. “I mean, maybe I won’t beat you in this game, but I definitely think that there’s something that I have to be able to beat you at.”

“Whenever you think you’ve figured out what that is, let me know and I’ll be happy to prove you wrong,” Max retorted and stuck his tongue out.

“Invoking Best Friend Privilege for Charlotte to tell me Max’s weaknesses!” Henry declared, on the verge of losing the match.

Charlotte’s legs were draped across Max’s lap as she listed off on her fingers, “Well, I know for sure that you can’t defeat him in anything academically especially not math or science related, he’s a former tennis champ, master of pranks (Henry scoffed, but he knew that it was probably true. Max was smart. Smart goes a long way with pranks), his Hero Tracks shows that he’s got more hero credentials than you, he’s whupping you in video games…”

“I asked for weaknesses, not to add insult to injury while he decimates me!” Henry fussed at her.

“SORRY! I’m doing the process of elimination out loud!” She fussed right back. “For instance, we know that he can cook AND ALSO bake, he plays guitar, is good with animals and babies… OH! Can you draw?” She wondered. “Henry is pretty artistic. Remember that time you carved that pumpkin to look like Ray?” She asked Henry, excitedly hoping that she was helping, because Max had just beat Henry and Henry had fallen back onto the couch in exhausted defeat.

“I can draw. Remind me to show you some of my gadget designs and portraits,” Max said, coolly, then asked Henry, “Can I get you some ice, Hen?” He smiled as Henry slammed the controller into Schwoz’s hands.

“He’s not good at writing,” Oyster said. “Remember those songs you used to try to write?”

Max narrowed his eyes at him, but just as well, because Charlotte shook her head and said, “Henry sucks at writing. Jasper’s the writer of our group.”

Max’s head turned quickly towards her and he pointed a pinky at Jasper and asked, “That Jasper?”

“He’s the only one I know,” she said, defensively. Jasper lowkey worshiped Max. There was no need for him to start being ugly to him. “He could’ve helped you write a song, Mr. Extra Toe.” Max chuckled and handed off his controller to Wolfgang. Charlotte tilted her head, trying to think. “Oh! He’s good with flowers!” She cheered, excitedly.

“Once brought a plant back from the dead,” Max bragged.

“It became a room sized monster,” Nora reminded him.

“So, I made it EXTRA alive!” Max said. His sister rolled her eyes.

“I need to know that story,” Charlotte said. Max moved his mouth to begin, but she cut him off. “Not now, though. Jasper… I’m invoking Best Friend Privilege for you to remind me of Henry’s strengths as his best friend and soulmate.”

Henry frowned. He couldn’t BELIEVE that it was this hard for Charlotte to tell him something that he could be better than Max at. But, Jasper was READY to be tagged in. He yelled, “Dance Battle!”

Henry’s ears perked up, but when Max smirked, his shoulders sank. “Are you a dance champion too?”

“I mean… not a champion, but if you’ve seen me fight, you should know that I’m very fluid and agile… also I’ve danced for many years.”

“Didn’t you have a dance battle at a school dance one time?” Nora asked.

“Sure did. Dude got served. Then, I swerved on the girl that I battled for.”

Charlotte sat up more erect and asked, “It was for a girl?”

“Mostly for my pride. After she chose me, I realized it was really pitiful that I was willing to put all those moves into getting her to like me.” She nodded, but she looked bothered. “You… okay?” He asked.

“Sure.” She laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Then, after Jasper yelling out random things, Charlotte finally said, “Brotherhood!” Max furrowed his eyebrows. “No offense, but whenever we met you, you sold your sister out and while that may have changed by now, your siblings are here way less than Piper is and Henry NEVER would have done anything to ever hurt, harm or shame Piper, all the years of her life, so… I’ll say that. And, it’s gonna have to be enough for Hen, because I have racked my brain.”

“Max has DEFINITELY done a lot of crappy things as a brother,” Nora said, nodding her head. She and Billy began to list off some stuff while Henry gave Charlotte a high five.

Max smiled and said, “Well, at least there’s that, Henry Hart.” Then, he began a slow applause that made Henry feel less excited about the small victory.

Charlotte placed a hand on Max’s and stopped him, giving him a look and mouthed the words, “For me?” Her eyes did the questioning. Would he stop bothering Henry right now , for her? He immediately stopped taunting Henry and intertwined his fingers with Charlotte’s.

“Anything,” he whispered.

[fablesrose]

Of Kings and Shadows XII

Chapter XII

Description: Y/n, a girl who seems to have found her calling. Being a SHIELD agent is like a dream come true. With a friendship starting to form with the Avengers, she’s the Queen of the world! What could go wrong?

Pairings: Avengers x reader, Loki x reader (eventually)

Notes: On Wattpad –> Here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I always had hope that it would be more fun than the last time.

News flash: it wasn't.

Tony dragged me with them to the club. They said I needed to loosen up, and they needed a break. I agreed, but I already knew I wasn't going to be drinking. I've always been the self-proclaimed designated driver. Alcohol never appealed to me and I couldn't stand someone driving when they weren't supposed to.

We arrived together in one of Tony's cars and while we walked to the door, the boys surrounded me and Natasha. It was kinda fun feeling like I had my own security team. I could barely see through the wall of broad shoulders and biceps since that's about where my line of sight ended.

The bouncer made sure to check everyone's IDs... Except for Tony. He was upset, to say the least.

"Hey, Loki. Do you even have an ID?" The thought had only just occurred to me.

He raised a card at me, "Whoever said it had to be legal?" Right before my eyes, it fizzled out, disappearing in a flash of green.

I smirked, of course, he would pull something like that.

As we entered the club, the music was blaring, lights flashing, and the smell of sweat and alcohol was thick in the air. The room was packed, and before I knew it, my group was separated and out of sight.

I just wandered around for a bit, occasionally dancing when a song I knew came on the loud speakers. I was glad that I had worn pants instead of a dress. With so many people, it was easy to get uncomfortable,  even more so with more skin showing like in a dress.

What would you do to seduce and murder that man across the room?

I had to freeze for a moment. The man in question I had never seen before, he had a man-bun on top with shaved sides and back. He was alone, drink in his hand. I noticed the worn denim jacket and started a plan to get close, maybe take him home, and then leave him dead in an ally way en route.

I quickly shook my head, Noxy, don't be like that.

Of course, she didn't answer, because she's me. Call me crazy for naming the intrusive voice in my head. I call myself that multiple times a day, but it helps me sort it all out.

I must have been tired because she kept at it. I got bumped so many times, I was sure I would wake up with bruises. I finally got fed up and Noxy spoke up.

Nobody would bump into you if you took a machine-gun to the whole joint.

I sighed. I took a moment to calm myself, drowning out the noise and the dark voice in my head. As I opened my eyes again I felt my gut twist noticeably.

Someone was staring.

Which honestly I shouldn't be surprised, who wouldn't stare at these hot curves? I decided to see who it was, turning slowly. My eyes locked with an average looking man across the room. He seemed familiar, but I couldn't place where. He smiled and waved at me with a look that said he knew me. I cautiously waved back, praying there wasn't someone behind me. He started to weave between people expertly towards me. I took a couple of steps towards him through the crowd but didn't make too much of an effort. When he got closer it finally clicked where I knew him from; I didn't fully recognize him with glasses on.

"It's Henry, right?" I asked once he was in front of me.

"Yeah, Henry Arnold." He paused and smiled, then decided to expound on it, "We met at the coffee shop, with Laime."

I smiled awkwardly, "Uh, yeah, I remember."

"That was interesting how not very many moments after I saw you in the crowd you just automatically saw me too. It was... It was like..."

"A sixth sense?"

He laughed, "Yeah I guess you could call it that."

"My friends say that too. Eyes in the back of my head I guess!"

I couldn't help but notice he smiled like he knew something I didn't which made me a little uneasy.

He continued the conversation, "So, still in the automotive department in the patent office? Or did they transfer you over to Laime's department."

I chuckled that he remembered, "Uh, no. I'm still at my old job. They figured I was the most help there. Thank you for asking."

"Well, that's good," he swirled the drink in his hand, "oh! I should get you a drink, what do you want?"

I quickly waved my hands, "No, no, no. I- I'm okay. Thank you though."

He tilted his head slightly and twisted to face me again, "Okay..."

What if you had a drink and someone spiked it with roofies or something.

Noxy, that's why I'm not getting one from him and why I'll be careful if I do get one.

"Well, I had better go and find my friends," I turned away from him toward the bar, "It was nice to see you."

"You too, Y/n. You look like a queen by the way."

If only I knew.

I turned to flash a smile at him before carrying on my course.

I fought through the crowd to the calmer area closer to the bar. I looked around to find Natasha and Clint signing at each other at the bar. I approached to see Clint didn't have his hearing aids in. I didn't blame him since it was so loud it wasn't worth the headache if you couldn't hear what people were saying anyway.

"Oh hey, Y/n, we got separated. Are you having fun?" Natasha offered me a seat at the bar next to her.

I took the seat, "Uh, not as much as I would have hoped, but I'm not having a horrible time." I had made sure Clint could see my lips so he could be part of the conversation.

They both nodded, "That's how it is, especially with Tony."

Clint started to sign, looking at me, but I didn't catch on quick enough to understand. He stopped and signed slower for me to read, [Drink?]

I fumbled with my hands, but I was learning. [no dd]

Clint rolled his eyes teasingly at me. I could nearly hear him saying, 'you're no fun.'

Natasha took a swig of her liquor as Clint gulped his beer. It was fun to see them act so similarly. They were so in sync on and off the field.

"You should stay hydrated though. It's hot in here" Nat nodded at the bartender. "Get something non-alcoholic, water, a virgin something, coke. He probably has everything back there."

I thought it over for a minute, "Maybe a bit later."

We chatted for a couple more minutes before Tony sauntered over to us, he looked a little tipsy, but you could only tell if you knew him. He had way too much experience in hiding it.

"So we finally got everyone gathered up in a booth if you want to chat, have some fun." He pointed toward a corner booth with the rest of the team chatting together, drinks in their hands.

This might be trouble getting them home.

"Yeah sure" Nat and Clint stood up.

"Just a sec, I'm gonna grab something to drink before I head over." They nodded and walked with Tony to the group.

I waved the barman over, "Hey do you have any ginger ale back there?"

He nodded, "You want a mixed drink with it?"

"No, no alcohol," he nodded and walked to where he had it stored, "put it in one of your fancy glasses would ya?"

He smiled and nodded again.

I watched him like a hawk. He opened the can and poured it into a glass, grabbing an umbrella and popping it in as well. I didn't notice any sleight of hand which I was hoping I was as good at noticing as I thought. Every girl has heard too many horror stories.

I took it with a thank you and a smile and headed towards my friends. I kept one eye on my soda and the other on where I was going. I finally fought my way through the crowd without spilling my glass. I slid into the booth squeezing into the end next to Nat.

"Okay Y/n, you're the last one here, you have to ask the first question." Tony leaned around the others to see me.

I blinked at him, "What?"

"You know, like get-to-know-you questions. What's your favorite carpet or something."

Everyone laughed at the bizarre example.

I thought for a moment, "Okay, okay... Uh... I guess if you could have any superpower other than your own, what would it be?"

"OOoooohh that's a good one."

"I have to actually think for this one..."

"I actually, already know what I would want," Bruce swirled his water hesitantly.

"Do tell."

"Immutability."

There was a moment where everyone wrapped their tipsy heads around it before they all commented nice things.

"That's cool!"

"Interesting choice."

"Never would have thought about that."

Tony took a big gulp of his drink and slammed his glass onto the table, "Okay, I'll go next. If I had to have another superpower, I would be invulnerable. BECAUSE!" He said to not allow anyone to interrupt him. "While my mind is nothing short of spectacular, it is not considered a superpower, SO I can still blow shit up in my suit while not being banged around getting migraines every day."

Clint spoke up first, well tapped his fingers on the table purposefully and signed, [That was way too thought out.]

Tony just shrugged, tapped his temple and waved a waitress over to get a refill.

Nat nudged him, "Well I think that means you're next. What would you do arrow boy?"

[Easy, invisibility. Don't see anyone? Good! Arrow there! Arrow there! Dead everywhere! Perfect assassin...]

Natasha was translating mostly for me as he got excited and signed extra fast. She also quipped, "No, you just want it so you can steal food whenever you want."

Clint's hands twitched for a response, but couldn't find one except for a sheepish smile. After a couple of elbows to the ribs, he pointed at Nat for her to answer. I guess I don't know much about deaf people, but it seemed like if he was drunk he relied more on signing than talking, especially without his hearing aids even though I knew he could talk just fine. I don't know how I would deal without being able to hear my friends' voices, or listen to my music. I know hearing aids help and all the tech is improving, but it's such a big part of my life, it would scare me. Clint honestly just amazes me, I'm so glad I got to befriend him.

Nat rolled her eyes at his insistence, "I always thought night vision was cool." She signed as she was talking and I tried to use it as practice.

Everyone nodded their heads, seeing the usefulness of that power.

Nat looked around the circle, trying to decide who would go next, "Steve, you go."

He nervously twisted a strange-looking jug that matched Thor's and Loki's, "I haven't really thought about it..."

Tony spoke up, "I call bull Steve."

Clint mirrored the statement with his hands.

"Come on Steve! What would you desire to have?" Thor reached over Bruce and Loki to punch Steve's shoulder.

"Fine, Fine! I would take telekinesis? That's that thing where you move stuff with your mind right?"

I confirmed his question was right.

"Loki next!"

He rolled his eyes, "I... " He looked at everyone with a look that said he didn't understand why we were doing this, "with much the same reasoning as Stark, would have omniscience because if I knew everything, I would also know how to use my magic with the added benefit of everything else." He smiled with a spark in his eyes that told everyone to beware if he got that superpower.

[That would suck if you had omnish-- omni-- that.] Everyone chuckled at Clint's struggle to spell the word. He even watched Nat sign it for him since it was a difficult word to lip read.

"Thor's next!"

He leaned back and rested his arms along the top of the booth behind Tony on one side, Bruce and Loki on the other side, he looked relaxed. "I always thought being able to fly and controlling the weather would be fun," he started nonchalantly, but by the end of his answer, he had a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Oh, come on!"

"Thor, that's lame!"

There were a couple of groans that accompanied it.

He didn't give any other answers, so everyone looked around the table. I took a sip of my ginger ale, finding pleasure in swirling my tiny umbrella.

"We haven't heard from you, Y/n."

I looked up to see raised eyebrows and I felt my face heat up a little. I looked back down at my little tropical umbrella before answering, "Well, I read once about this concept... The ability to manipulate probability."

Most looked puzzled, while Tony was squinting his eyes in thought, so I hurried to elaborate, getting a little more confident since it was such a cool concept, "well, what's the probability of that chair over there," I pointed at an empty table and chairs, "getting up and walking out of here of its own free will?"

They looked even more puzzled.

"Next to zero. Bam," I waved my finger at it, "one hundred percent. What's the chance of me becoming a gorgeous mermaid right now?"

"Zero."

I squinted at Tony, "I don't know if I should be offended right now..."

He shrunk back with a sheepish smile.

"Anyway, bam! One hundred percent." I looked around the group, them starting to catch on. "What's the chance of Loki falling in love with a low life mortal? Next to zero. Bam! Eighty-five percent."

"Why not one hundred?"

I let out an amused huff at what I was about to say, "well, for one, I think he would be too stubborn for me to do that."

They roared with laughter, Loki did not look amused.

"And for two, that would be really cruel..." I paused getting my thoughts together, "What if those Odinsleep things happen more often than not? Weeks after the wedding, he feels one coming on, takes a long nap, and when he wakes? He has a child running around the house, the next time, the kid is graduating college. Next thing Loki knows, grandkids are knocking on his door. He goes to sleep next to his finely aged spouse, and when he wakes the next morning, the bed is empty, so he assumes they're running errands since he woke up late. They don't come home and he's informed  they've been buried three miles away for a while..." I looked at the now solemn faces, "that would hurt..."

I smiled, "besides, I would make him fall in love with some bookish warrior from one of the other eight realms or whatever." I bobbed my head side to side as I said, "someone to keep him on his toes."

Clint tapped me to look at him, [someone like you?]

I waved my hand at him before attempting to sign while talking, "No, what'd I say? It's cruel."

Nat nudged me, "I didn't hear any other complaints!"

I shrugged easily, "Well yeah, I mean, he's a decent guy, he hasn't tried to kill me yet..." I deadpanned, "Oh wait."

"OOOOOHHHHH"

"That's a burn!!"

Someone was hissing like a sizzling pan, it was fun. I made sure to smile teasingly at Loki to make sure he knew I meant no hard feelings.

He gave me a nod that said, "That's fair."

We continued to ask questions to each other, some weird stuff like what's your favorite semi-aquatic plant?

Or Bruce went basic with favorite colors.

I kept drinking ginger ale and everyone else, except Loki, got slowly more drunk as the night went on. Bruce didn't have much, but he's a lightweight, sipped water throughout the night and was still pretty wasted. Natasha seemed fine, but the way her eyes darted around and she started talking cryptically told me she was under the influence more than she would admit.

"Uh, Loki?"

He looked at me.

"I thought Thor and Steve couldn't get drunk? And why are you not if they are?"

He raised his jug-like thing, "Asgardian mead and ale, I'm being careful. Hate for you to haul them all back by yourself."

I raised an eyebrow, "Or are you just saving yourself the hangover?"

He chuckled, "I don't get hangovers, but yes my motives are more selfish."

I shook my head dismissively, not really caring as long as he would help. "Alright, I think it's time to go." I looked at the time and sighed, "I'm glad I don't have work this morning."

Loki grabbed Steve, Thor, and Tony while I rounded up Bruce, Clint, and Natasha.

"Okay, Bruce? I'm going to have you grab onto my belt loop right here okay?" I hooked his fingers into the loop on my hip, making sure he didn't get separated from us. I had to keep my focus on Nat and Clint so they didn't wander off. I held their hands and made sure there was an occasional tug on my pants so I had all three of them. Clint kept trying to talk with Natasha and rip his hand from mine, but I wouldn't have it until they were all sitting in the back seats of the car.

"I'm fine, I'm not drunk." Tony was waving Loki away once he got outside next to the car.

I sighed and walked over, knowing full well that he was drunk. "Thanks, Loki, I've got him."

Loke went to stick Thor and Steve into the van and left me with Tony.

"Okay Tony, where are the keys?"

"I'm driving"

"Fine," I decided to pull a foolproof trick on him. He still had a glass in his hand, this is essential, "Up high Tony." He willingly gave me a high five. "Okay, you hit it right on, so go drive us home."

He nodded seemingly sound logic. He pulled out the keys from his pocket.

"Tony, you've got to do the down low."

He fell for it, swinging his hand down to give me a low five, but I swiped the keys from his hand.

"Too slow, go get into the back."

"Hey!"

I ushered him towards Loki before he could try and take the keys back. I got into the driver's seat sighing when it was nearly a brawl in the back, Steve and Bruce half asleep, almost crying. Loki got into the passenger seat next to me, looking equally as tired.

"Let's get these guys home Your Highness."

He leaned back against the headrest, eyes closed as I put the van in gear. "It's Loki."

"'ight"

We got to the compound and guided the ones semi-conscious to the common room. The rest we hauled up, leaving the car in the driveway. I made sure they had a glass of water before they passed out, the ones I could get to take it anyway. I made sure they were mostly comfortable but didn't put a bunch of effort into it.

"I'm going to bed Loki, see you in the afternoon."

He chuckled as he set off for his own room, "Good night Y/n."

I headed to the guest bedroom they set aside for me when I spent the night. I had it stocked with a pair of old pajamas and three or four spare changes of clothes. They were pretty grungy since I wouldn't miss them, and I could just go back to my apartment to change if I needed the next morning.

As soon as I changed into the soft with age PJs I collapsed onto the bed, glad the night didn't end up as a worst-case scenario.

Tag List:

@nightrose64

[lampmeeting]

prompt: what whole ask about toki doing black metal songs in the middle of the night and pickles/charles finding out together that an anon sent you!! they put it better than i did but id love to see a mini-fic for it.

oh, yes! that would be this ask for those who didn’t see it. i really loved that idea too, thanks for giving me a good reason to expound on it a little :3

—-

By the time Pickles finally decided to throw on some underwear and seek out the source of the strange noise, Charles was already there at Toki’s door in his dressing gown. Pickles crossed his arms over his chest and approached cautiously, giving Charles a curious look. Neither of them spoke, just listened, as steel-wool shrieks and manic guitar chords sounded from deep within the bedroom.

“What the fuck’s he listening to?” Pickles dared to whisper at last.

“I, ah… I think that’s him.”

“No shit?” Pickles put his ear to the door. The vocals were brutal. Melancholy and wretched, the darkest fucking black metal he’d ever heard in his life. A pinprick chill broke out over his skin. “Jesus, what the hell, Toki…”

“We should probably put a stop to this for now,” Charles said softly. “I’ve been out here fifteen minutes and he hasn’t stopped. I’m concerned he could damage himself.”

Pickles nodded. As sick as it was to hear Toki like this, he didn’t want the poor kid shredding his throat open. He knocked briskly on the door and called out, “Hey Toki?”

The black metal kept going with no signs that Toki heard him. “Is the door locked?” Charles asked.

“Let’s find out.” Pickles twisted the knob a little, expecting to feel the resistance of the lock, but it turned all the way and allowed them to enter. The two men peered around the darkened room until their eyes adjusted to a single lit candle by the bed. There was a mound of covers, and a guitar cord snaked out from underneath to connect to a small amp on the floor. Again, Pickles and Charles shared a questioning glance.

“Toki,” Charles said, raising his voice.

This time the room went silent and Toki rasped out a quiet, “H-hello?” from within the blankets. He unbundled himself, squinting in the dark. He had his Flying V clutched in his lap with a Playskool tape recorder by his feet. He clicked a button to stop recording. “Charles? Pickle? Oh no, you heards me…”

Charles used his best ‘I’m not mad’ voice. “Yes, ah, we heard you. We just wanted to make sure you were all ri–”

“Toki, you sounded fuckin’ awesome!” Pickles couldn’t keep his enthusiasm in check anymore. “Why’d you never tell us you could sing like that?”

Toki fretted his guitar a little, looking ashamed. “Is just for me. Like when I’m too sads to sleeps…”

Pickles watched Toki’s mouth turn down in the dark and quiver a little. He glared sideways at Charles and shrugged his shoulder in Toki’s direction in an unspoken Well aren’t you gonna do something about this?

Charles lifted his brow to reply Me? You know I’m terrible at this sort of thing.

Pickles rolled his eyes to say Fine you baby, I’ll do it. He sat down on the side of the bed and put a hand on Toki’s knee to jiggle him to attention. “Hey, if you can’t sleep, why dontcha come make popcorn with me and Charlie and we’ll watch a movie.”

“We will?” said Charles, and Pickles fixed him with a hard stare. “I mean, ah, yes, Toki…if that would make you feel better.”

Toki’s face erupted into joy, and it was hard to remember that just a couple minutes ago he’d been screaming like a demon into a rainbow-colored cassette player. “Wowee, you means it? Cans we has M&Ms in the popcorns?”

Pickles grinned. “Fuck yeah we can.”

[neshabeingchildish]

Share Our Talents

Okay, this can be the last Video Game Tournament Weekend chapter. I’ve been stagnant for the past few weeks. Between being sick, broke, overworked, and depressed, I just had a hard time creating. Seeing the promo for Cave the Date helped, though. All up in my “Love on Charlotte” feels at the moment.

Share-a-Lair 8

The two of them had been at each other’s necks all day, a little more than usual. On the one hand, Max generally seemed to be playing around with Henry or at the very least, unaware of how much he was bothering him. But, he definitely had to be purposely upsetting him today. Charlotte… didn’t want to get involved. In general, she was a peacemaker, and specifically, she was their peacemaker. But… This was supposed to be a fun weekend! 

She had been having a blast with Oyster, who wanted her to try to do his hair like hers. “Your hair isn’t the right texture for this style.”

“Can you do it to Angus?” He wondered. Angus’ afro was 3c, maybe 4a, so close enough to her curl pattern where she might.

“What makes you think that Angus wants this hairstyle, Oyster?” Charlotte asked. 

“I’ll take it,” Angus said, laughing. Charlotte then proceeded to make rows of braids on the sides of Angus’ head, pulling up into a fro hawk, as he played videogames. 

On the other side of the room, Henry glared at Max and Ray came up with a plan, “Look at that! Look at that!” He said.

“What?” Henry and Jasper wondered.

“Charlotte and the puffy haired kid. They’re hitting it off, right?” He asked. “What if… he asked her out on a date?”

“She’d say no,” Henry said, at the same time Jasper said, “He’d get embarrassed in front of his friends.”

Ray rolled his eyes and said, “You kids no nothing. I’ve gotten rid of a TON of women by just pushing them off on somebody else and I’m sure that I can get Charlotte off of that kid you hate, the same way.”

“Charlotte’s NOTHING like anybody that you’d date,” Henry tried to point out to him.

Meanwhile Jasper said, “You can’t outsmart Charlotte, Dude.”

But Ray was on his way. He flopped down next to the two and made Charlotte mess up her current braid. She scoffed and looked at him. “So… This is cute,” he said and pointed between the two. Angus glanced at him, confused. “You two look… mighty cute together. Anything in common?”

“Max,” Angus said. This was Max’s girlfriend, as far as he could tell.

“Oh, that guy, yeah. I don’t see how either of you are friends with him, if I’m being honest, but you’re JUST friends, right Charlotte?” Ray asked. She laughed nervously while Angus got distracted from the game to look up at her reaction, messing up the same braid again.

“Yeah, yeah, we are,” She said, then told Angus, “Eyes front, Bro. I’m almost done.”Angus returned to the game, but Max had just won the match. He groaned, but this wasn’t Max’s girlfriend? That was… interesting… But, she definitely wouldn’t be interested in him though. She seemed really smart and stuff. He was some artsy dude who embarrassingly had once referred to himself as a living Drake song.

“Well, I think that you would be adorable together,” Ray said.

“You don’t know anything about this guy,” Charlotte told him.

“I know that he’s beautiful. His voice is very soothing. His hair is nice and full. He’s great at video games. He has fashion sense, I think… for your generation, I guess. You like fashion and video games, too.”

“I’m a musician!” Angus said, more to Charlotte than Ray.

“Charlotte LOVES music!” Ray said, giving him a playful punch in the arm. Charlotte squinted her eyes at Ray. What was he up to? “You know, she was in a band once?”

“I was too, with Max,” Angus said. “Now, I have my own. I make tracks, they’re kinda rock, kinda rap, but not like that metal rap stuff from your day. Good, honest rap and good honest rock. It's a vibe, really.”

“My day?”Ray repeated. “I’m not that old…”

“So, there’s like an age gap between you and your partner?” Angus wondered.

“My partner?”

“He thinks you and Schwoz are together,” Charlotte presumed and clarified.

“WHAT?” Ray said and now, he was done speaking to this guy. He returned to Henry and Jasper and told them, “Not gonna work. Kid’s a complete moron.”

“You sure about that Mr. Schwartz?” Henry asked, laughing. But, they heard Angus ask Charlotte, “So… You’re… really single?”

She laughed and looked at him, “I don’t know how anybody finds the time not to be, to be honest. I’m single by choice. I have no idea why he’s trying to play matchmaker. He’s not good at it. He’s not good at most things…” 

Angus got eliminated and sighed. Two losses for him, then. “Well, yeah… I can’t imagine what somebody like you would see in me,” he said.

She furrowed her eyebrows and said, “All done! We oughtta take selfies.” 

Max was watching the whole time. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but he felt territorial, nonetheless. Technically, he knew that he probably shouldn’t be. Charlotte was very independent and wasn’t officially his, and even if she was, she was the type to value her freedom and love someone who could trust her to be around anybody else. But, not everybody else knew her like he did. He had paid a lot of attention and learned a lot of information. While Angus might be hitting it off with her or was happening right now, he had no idea that their little whatever was happening right now, he had no idea that their little superficial brief connection was cutting into Charlotte's lunch time. 

Soon, her blood sugar would be low, she'd be cranky and ready to snap at people, then be mad that she had to fix something  to eat/that she had let herself get hangry. 

Max left them to their laughter and such and went to fix her a sandwich, some fries, put a few cookies on the plate, and make some tea. He set everything down and went outside to grab some flowers, just to accent the tray. Whenever he got back inside, she was getting up from the couch with her grouchy face on…"Char!" He called.

She looked up, and he could tell that she was about to brush him off because she needed to get something to eat, so he spoke quickly as he handed her the tray, “Made you lunch. I know that you’re approaching hangry hours.” She stared at the tray for a moment as he announced, “Grilled gouda BLT with arugula and spinach and honey mustard, fries, lemon white chocolate cookies and a chai latte… Your… brunch order, right? Whenever you call The Deli Royale? I just… hacked into their system for the recipe so I could make it for you at home for a fraction of the price… free to you!”

She looked up at him, and he could see in her eyes that he had won. She stepped closer and smiled, picking up a fry. “Wanna share?” she asked.

“Not really hungry, but might grab a few fries.” They sat at the island and chatted while she ate and touched him casually, numerous times. They were sitting close, knees touching and he leaned in to tell her stuff the entire lunch.

“So… Are you on truce with Henry right now?” She asked. “You two sure seemed out for blood earlier.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “He was out for my blood. I basically was just plucking him in the forehead. You know that if I ever actually wanted to come up against Henry, he’d be destroyed.”

“I appreciate you holding back for him,” she said with a little smile.

“I don’t do it for him.”

“You know, you’ve said that before to me, but you never expound. You do it, why? For the sake of being a hero? Because you’re bigger than that or something?” She wondered as she took a sip of her drink.

“I do it for you,” he said, as plainly as one might say ‘hello.’ She choked on her latte and he winced. She laughed at herself by the time she stopped choking and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to catch you off guard,” he said, blushing. “You all set to destroy these guys?” He asked.

“Yep!” She was about to take her dishes away, but he grabbed the tray from her, kissed her on the temple of her head, which she leaned deeper into, and he smiled against her skin and went to put the dishes away. Charlotte slowly slid off of the stool to go back to the others, unable to stop smiling about what had just happened. That was… not platonic, right? That was definitely not her imagination. Max had made her lunch, told her that she mattered and kissed her on the face. Sure, friends did stuff like that, but… This didn’t feel like that. 

“Where’d you vanish to?” Oyster wondered when she showed up again.

“I was right there, at the island, having lunch,” she said and pointed to it. Max laughed from the kitchen… which was open to the living room. “Or, are you messing with me, Oyster. Because, I honestly can never tell if you’re actually confused or pulling my chain.”

“I actually have never joked about anything, ever in my life. I’m a very serious person,” he said. Charlotte sat down in between Oyster and Angus as Angus played against Henry. Max came to the couch and Oyster and Charlotte slid over so that he could be in between her and Angus. 

.

Whenever Henry and Max played against each other, they were bickering again. Charlotte laughingly watched them, but the more that they played against each other, the uglier it got. “I mean, maybe I won’t beat you in this game, but I definitely think that there’s something that I have to be able to beat you at.”

“Whenever you think you’ve figured out what that is, let me know and I’ll be happy to prove you wrong,” Max retorted and stuck his tongue out. 

“Invoking Best Friend Privilege for Charlotte to tell me Max’s weaknesses!” Henry declared, on the verge of losing the match. 

Charlotte’s legs were draped across Max’s lap as she listed off on her fingers, “Well, I know for sure that you can’t defeat him in anything academically especially not math or science related, he’s a former tennis champ, master of pranks (Henry scoffed, but he knew that it was probably true. Max was smart. Smart goes a long way with pranks), his Hero Tracks shows that he’s got more hero credentials than you, he’s whupping you in video games…”

“I asked for weaknesses, not to add insult to injury while he decimates me!” Henry fussed at her.

“SORRY! I’m doing the process of elimination out loud!” She fussed right back. “For instance, we know that he can cook AND ALSO bake, he plays guitar, is good with animals and babies… OH! Can you draw?” She wondered. “Henry is pretty artistic. Remember that time you carved that pumpkin to look like Ray?” She asked Henry, excitedly hoping that she was helping, because Max had just beat Henry and Henry had fallen back onto the couch in exhausted defeat. 

“I can draw. Remind me to show you some of my gadget designs and portraits,” Max said, coolly, then asked Henry, “Can I get you some ice, Hen?” He smiled as Henry slammed the controller into Schwoz’s hands.

“He’s not good at writing,” Oyster said. “Remember those songs you used to try to write?” 

Max narrowed his eyes at him, but just as well, because Charlotte shook her head and said, “Henry sucks at writing. Jasper’s the writer of our group.” 

Max’s head turned quickly towards her and he pointed a pinky at Jasper and asked, “That Jasper?”

“He’s the only one I know,” she said, defensively. Jasper lowkey worshiped Max. There was no need for him to start being ugly to him. “He could’ve helped you write a song, Mr. Extra Toe.” Max chuckled and handed off his controller to Wolfgang. Charlotte tilted her head, trying to think. “Oh! He’s good with flowers!” She cheered, excitedly.

“Once brought a plant back from the dead,” Max bragged.

“It became a room sized monster,” Nora reminded him.

“So, I made it EXTRA alive!” Max said. His sister rolled her eyes.

“I need to know that story,” Charlotte said. Max moved his mouth to begin, but she cut him off. “Not now, though. Jasper… I’m invoking Best Friend Privilege for you to remind me of Henry’s strengths as his best friend and soulmate.”

Henry frowned. He couldn’t BELIEVE that it was this hard for Charlotte to tell him something that he could be better than Max at. But, Jasper was READY to be tagged in. He yelled, “Dance Battle!” 

Henry’s ears perked up, but when Max smirked, his shoulders sank. “Are you a dance champion too?”

“I mean… not a champion, but if you’ve seen me fight, you should know that I’m very fluid and agile… also I’ve danced for many years.”

“Didn’t you have a dance battle at a school dance one time?” Nora asked.

“Sure did. Dude got served. Then, I swerved on the girl that I battled for.” 

Charlotte sat up more erect and asked, “It was for a girl?”

“Mostly for my pride. After she chose me, I realized it was really pitiful that I was willing to put all those moves into getting her to like me.” She nodded, but she looked bothered. “You… okay?” He asked.

“Sure.” She laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Then, after Jasper yelling out random things, Charlotte finally said, “Brotherhood!” Max furrowed his eyebrows. “No offense, but whenever we met you, you sold your sister out and while that may have changed by now, your siblings are here way less than Piper is and Henry NEVER would have done anything to ever hurt, harm or shame Piper, all the years of her life, so… I’ll say that. And, it’s gonna have to be enough for Hen, because I have racked my brain.”

“Max has DEFINITELY done a lot of crappy things as a brother,” Nora said, nodding her head. She and Billy began to list off some stuff while Henry gave Charlotte a high five. 

Max smiled and said, “Well, at least there’s that, Henry Hart.” Then, he began a slow applause that made Henry feel less excited about the small victory. 

Charlotte placed a hand on Max’s and stopped him, giving him a look and mouthed the words, “For me?” Her eyes did the questioning. Would he stop bothering Henry right now , for her? He immediately stopped taunting Henry and intertwined his fingers with Charlotte’s.

“Anything,” he whispered. 

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Three Hundred Nine: Quick Exit ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto ] [ SasuHina, blood, vulgarity, smoking ] [ Verse: Oil and Blood ] [ AO3 Link ]

In the middle of the morning, Hinata snaps awake, eyes wide and breath curt with a gasp. She was having the strangest dream about an old warehouse, and a gunfight, and -

...oh. Right. That was just her day yesterday bleeding into her dreams.

In spite of herself, Hinata goes slack atop her bed. What a day it was. In fact, what a few weeks it’s been, now. Saving a member of a yakuza, having to dodge his attempts to repay her, and then the firefight yesterday when a rival faction mistook her as someone actually important, and kidnapped her in hopes of getting information on their enemies.

Meanwhile Hinata was completely clueless, dragged into a turf war she had no real business in.

And now, well...she has no idea what’s going to happen to her.

She got the day off from work, thank the gods. And Sasuke is likely still downstairs guarding her apartment from any unwanted Senju guests. Now he owes her even more than he did for saving her life, getting her mixed up in all of this.

In all honesty, Hinata would be fine with them just...leaving her alone! But she knows it won’t be that simple, now. Though the Uchiha saved her the only way they could - by storming the hideout - that likely only solidified her status as some kind of target. Even if the Senju assume they only came for the doctor dragged in with her...Hinata knows there’s little escaping them.

Especially since their leader Tobirama now knows who she is. Or rather...who her father is. She’s not the important factor. If he still believes her worth something to attempt to blackmail Hiashi, she might not be safe, regardless.

Of course...she highly doubts Hiashi would cooperate, anyway. He disowned her years ago for her defiance against his business dealings. She’s likely worthless to him. He might still have some feelings for her as his daughter - some semblance of loyalty or parental love. But given that he basically dumped her on the street for questioning him...she won’t hold her breath.

So...where to go from here? She has no idea. All she does know is that - as of yesterday - there’s little chance of getting her old life back. Not that it was much of a life, working a base-pay job that both stressed her out and collided with her morals. And otherwise lurking at home when not working behind her company’s back.

...maybe Suigin-san could hire her if she gets fired. She doesn’t know much about the medical in practice, but...maybe the doc needs a receptionist. It’s not like she’s not familiar with how the insurance works.

Sighing, she brings an arm up over her eyes. The little bit of leftover takeout she gobbled the night before is already digested, if her stomach’s pining for food is any clue. But she doesn’t have much in the way of supplies...she’ll have to make a grocery run. But is that safe…?

Bringing a hand to her comm mod, she dictates a text for Sasuke.

I need to run errands. Am I free to leave?

In the interim, she abandons the clothes she simply fell asleep in, having lacked the motivation or energy to change the night before. Tugging on her pants, she receives a reply.

I’ll go with you.

That gets her to blanche. Don’t you need a break?

Took one last night - someone covered me overnight. Came back this morning, I’m fine.

Hinata hesitates. Does she really want to be seen in public with him…?

...of course, she’s already pretty much a known associate by the people who are the biggest threat, so...what else does she have to lose?

...okay. I’ll be quick. Sorry for the inconvenience.

It’s either this, or sit here and do nothing while the others figure out what to do with you.

...oh. She hadn’t considered that.

Putting on a jacket and making her way down to the ground level, she finds him leaning idly against her building nearby the door and smoking a cigarette. He does indeed look rested, and his outfit has changed. Which...is good, given there’d been some blood on what he’d been wearing before. Makes sense, given his...activities. “...ready to go?”

“Where we headed?”

“I usually just go to a place down the street…”

“You don’t do delivery?”

“Some things I like doing the old fashioned way,” is her reply, which to her surprise earns a chuckle. “...what?”

“Nothing. You’re just...weird.”

Her cheeks puff a hair in a pout. “What’s so weird about that?”

“Just not what most people do. Hell, even I typically have things dropped off. Feels like a waste of time, otherwise.”

“I don’t know, I just...like to look around.”

“Mhm...like you said, old fashioned.”

A bit ruffled, Hinata stuffs her hands in her pockets, leading the way as Sasuke falls into step a bit behind her. “...so, um...have you heard anything about w-what happened yesterday?”

“Bits and pieces. We dealt a decent blow, and Tobirama’s scrambling. Apparently he’s pretty pissed he’s failed at killing me twice now in so many weeks.” At her curious glance, he expounds, “My father leads the Uchiha...sort of. His father, Madara, is still around and calls shots...but Fugaku’s still de facto leader. Madara and Tobirama - and Tobi’s brother Hashirama - have some pretty bad personal blood between them.”

“...I see.”

“As for what’s going to happen to you,” he goes on, knowing that’s what she’s really curious about, “we’re still talking. See, Suigin’s an asset. She directly benefits the gang, and she gets paid. But everything with you is less...official. You saved a member’s life, but you’re not a member, nor are you on the gang payroll like she is. So figuring out what you’re supposedly allowed in terms of protection and all that is a bit...up in the air.”

“...oh…”

“But either way,” Sasuke continues, pausing for another drag, “I’m going to take care of it.”

“But -?”

“But nothing. You saved my ass, and I repaid you by almost getting you killed. Least I can do is keep you from getting killed for a while, whether my father wants me to or not. Yakuza might do some shitty things, but we still have honor in some regards. And debt is one of them. Until we’re square, you’re stuck with me.”

Hinata gives a quiet sigh. “...I guess there’s no c-changing your mind…”

“Nope. I know this is all gonna affect your life and livelihood, so...we’ll have to hash out the details. Obviously your job might be at risk if people start noticing me hanging around...but at the same time, that’s the only way to keep Senju off your ass.”

“Yeah, I was...w-wondering about that.”

“...guess if it comes down to it, I’ll find you a new job.”

“Wh-?!”

“Cuz that’ll be my fault, too. And I’ve got connections.”

Hinata bristles. “This is getting r-ridiculous!”

“Well, it’s that or we could have you moved, your identity changed...the whole shebang. Up to you,” he offers, giving her a glance and drawing from his cig again. “...being yakuza tied is tough business. Guess I should have warned you, but...well, I don’t think either of us imagined it ending up quite like this, huh?”

“...no.”

They reach the store, Hinata stepping through the automatic doors with Sasuke behind her. Activating a cart, it glides alongside her as she starts quickly stocking up on the essentials. Because apparently...she might be on house arrest for longer than she imagined.

All the while, Sasuke stands casually behind her, hands in his pockets and the butt of his cigarette between his lips.

“...want anything?”

“Huh?”

“You’re here, you might as well get something,” Hinata explains, setting several instant ramen cups into her cart.

That earns a snort. “I’m fine.”

“Want a...candy bar or something?”

“I don’t like sweets.”

“What?!”

Eyes narrowing, Sasuke then tugs her back around the end of the aisle, her cart following like a puppy. “...hold up.”

Oh for goodness’ sake, now what?!

Stock still, Hinata listens as a few more customers walk through the door. It’s a rowdy group of young men their age, Hinata curiously leaning out to peek.

“Don’t do that.”

“But we can’t -?” Turning to look at him, she sees Sasuke staring out oddly...and then it clicks.

Right. Rinnegan model. Instantly bypasses just about any surveillance security and grants access to nearby cameras. He doesn’t have to look...the store’s doing that for him.

“...damn it.”

“What? Senju?”

“Sort of...long story. I know the blond. He’s a pain in my ass.”

“Is...is he dangerous?”

“...no. But I don’t need him seeing me. It’ll just stir up more trouble. I need to make a quick exit…” He then glances to her, Rinnegan turned in its socket. “...think you can handle checkout? I can meet you outside.”

“...yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Just buzz me if something goes down.”

“Okay…” Watching him slink around the back, Hinata takes a moment to breathe before heading to the front of the shop.

The group of men is still there, browsing the cheap tablets bearing various news and articles...among other entertainments. Eyeing them warily, she starts running things through the machine to tally up her total and remove the security on the items.

“Whoa, hold up…”

Tensing, she keeps going, avoiding eye contact as one approaches.

“...Hinata-chan?”

Jolting, she looks up, finding a nostalgic pair of blue eyes. “...Naruto-kun…?”

Wait...blond...is this the one Sasuke was…?

“Holy crap! It’s been ages! You, like...totally vanished after school!” the Uzumaki goes on, grinning widely and clearly excited to see her. “You look...kinda different. Where have you been?”

“Oh, just...w-working. You know...boring life stuff…”

“Dude, I’d love to catch up sometime! You live local?”

“Er...well…”

“Oi.”

The pair both turn to see Sasuke standing nearby. Naruto stiffens, Hinata just looking warily between them. “...Sasuke…?”

“Leave her alone. She’s clearly trying to get her shit done and leave. You’re holding her up.”

“Wh-? This long since you’ve seen me, and that’s how you say hello?”

“Who says I want to say hello? You’re holding her up.”

“What do you care?”

“Because I’m waiting for her, dumbass.”

Blond brows furrow. “...you know her?”

“In a manner of speaking. We’ve got places to be, so save your sap for some other time.”

“Good to see you’re still an asshole,” Naruto mutters, stuffing hands into his jacket pockets.

“Like I give a shit what you think.”

“Look, guys...p-please,” Hinata cuts in, lifting placating hands. “It...it’s fine! Naruto-kun, um...here, I’ll...give you my contact info. We’ll talk later, o-okay? Really. It’s okay. But I...I really should be going.”

Still glowering at the Uchiha, Naruto replies, “...yeah, sure…”

Transferring the proper data, she gives him a strained smiled. “...it...it really was nice seeing you again.”

“...just take care of yourself, Hinata-chan,” he offers, eyes still trained on Sasuke. “Don’t want you getting mixed up in the wrong crowd.”

“...I...I’ll bear that in mind. Have - have a good day!” Things bought and bagged, she gives a nervous grin before fleeing, Sasuke on her heels. “...what the hell was that?”

“Long story,” Sasuke mutters. “...but he’s got Senju ties.”

“...is he…?”

“He’s not yakuza, but he benefits from them. Vague family ties...like I said, long story. As you can imagine...that doesn’t make us best friends anymore.”

Her ears perk at that. ...anymore…?

“Anyway...let’s get you home. Sorry for butting in, but...I wasn’t sure if he’d have heard about you.”

“...that’s okay. Um...I hope that wasn’t too...inconvenient…?”

“I’ll get over it. Mostly it’s just a stroke to my temper. Good news is he seemed clueless...but he might not stay that way, so...keep your guard up with him, okay?”

Hinata gives Sasuke a glance. He has a point, but… “...okay. I will.”

“Good.”

                                                           .oOo.

     (This is a sequel to days 250, 254, 269, 300, and 303!)       More cyberpunk! I am so falling in love with both this little series and this genre, it's just so cool xD      And now we have a new player on the field: Naruto! And given his ties to the Senju...this might get rather...interesting. How? I...don't know yet, but we'll figure it out as we go, as we always do with these, lol      Buuut yeah, I'm...uber tired as usual so I'll call it there - irl is a WEE BIT stressful today and will be for...a while :'D So I'll sign off for now. Thanks for reading!

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi, I was wondering if 6 ccore could be the reason why someone is withdrawing from others in certain situations or is it usually just 4? or can 6 core be the reason why someone behaves like a 2 (helping out of loyalty even when they would rather not)? I think that 6 core makes identifying our fixes really hard and I end up wondering if the traits I see are not due to 6.

I’m gonna be honest, because I see a lot of people struggling with this (and not just as 6′s, but with the other ambiguous numbers like 3 and 9).

You will not figure out your lower fixes until you deal with being a core 6.

In other words, shelve the “search” until you have a better self-awareness.  Your only and best shot is to grow up your core. So read all you can about it. Study it until you have exposed every raw piece of yourself, until you have identified everything that stops you, until you can see all the lies you tell each and every day, until you stop making your number’s excuses and face up to your fatal sin – because that’s what it is: a lie, a sin, that keeps you trapped. Once you can admit to all those flaws without trying to deny or excuse any of them, you are halfway there. You will learn to see yourself clearly for the first time, with no lies causing you to deflect and refuse to admit to your deep, dark core motives. And then you will have the emotional honesty required to identify your lower fixes without any self-delusions. At that point, you should be able to turn your broken attention to the missing fixes and your crap in those areas.

You cannot know yourself until you are brutally honest with yourself. That is the entire point of Enneagram. That’s why it exists. To expose all your self-delusions to you, so you can know what you are doing when you are doing it, and do something about it.

It’s good you are searching for the truth about yourself but you will get nowhere until you can be honest with yourself. I know being a 6 complicates it, but if I can do it, so can you. Truth be told, I would rather be anything but a 4. Part of me thought, “Oh, gee, they sound romantic and DEEP, man,” but 4 characters drive me frigging insane because they are SO DAMN MELODRAMATIC AND OVER-REACTIVE AND TORTURED AND PATHETIC that it felt like scraping my face on a cheese grater to admit that I am melodramatic and over-reactive and tortured and pathetic. I read through in-depth 4 chapters and while I can’t identify with everything, because I am not a core 4, I identify enough that it makes me wince – over and over, page by page. People who squeal, “OMG, SHE HAS MY CORE!!” have yet to face up to their own dirty laundry.

Since you mentioned “withdrawing from others in certain situations,” allow me to expound on that. A 4 plays stupid games with themselves which include jerking other people around. And by that, I mean when the 4 is with you, they can see all the ways you are not perfect and do not live up to their deep idealism, which causes them to have contempt for you. They treat you like crap, while longing for another relationship – basically, anything other than the one they have. When you abandon them, because they treat you like crap, suddenly they are full of intense longing for what they no longer have – which is you. So they will chase after you, because their entire emotional life is spent envying what they do not have and ignoring / failing to appreciate what they have.

An unhealthy core 4′s life is hell, because they keep doing this to themselves – and other people. Treating them like a yo-yo. Chasing, then hating, then chasing, then hating. Rohr talks about a woman who loathed her husband until he left her, then she desperately wanted him back – only to find out that “my love for him died the instant he entered the house.” It was her intense dramatic FEELINGS that she pursued, not a meaningful connection to her spouse.

You want a visual example? Scarlett O’Hara is a 3w4 with a strong 4 wing. She spends years married to Rhett, pining for Ashley – the person she cannot have. She could have total happiness with a man who adores her and will give her everything she wants, but instead she pines for Ashley and ignores / abuses Rhett’s love for her, failing to appreciate his generosity and love until she loses it, and then suddenly it’s all she wants. When Melanie dies, and she can have Ashley, suddenly Scarlett realizes she does not WANT Ashley. She wants Rhett – the man she now cannot have, because he has had enough of her crap and refuses to take it anymore. Him walking out makes her love him more, just like Ashley repeatedly telling her no made her want him more.

Ashley is also a 4 fixer. Pining for the old days. For Scarlett. Because she represents something beautiful in his eyes, a time that has gone. Granted, it’s hard to find anything to enjoy in that hellhole of post-war “ugh” but Ashley is still not living in the moment. He’s chasing dreams and things that do not exist. Not fully loving or appreciating Melanie, then falling apart after her death. (Melanie is a 2 fixer, btw. Note the difference in their approach to loving people. She loves where she is, in the moment. Every minute of every day. None of this “I hate you, go away… wait, I actually love you, come back” nonsense.)

Does any of that ring a bell with you? I wish it didn’t with me, but I have pulled that kind of crap on people. I have spent ages not appreciating the people I have and finding things to criticize about them, only to have them leave me and for me to suddenly be able to only think of the good things about them and how much I want them back and how my life was better before this and how sorry I am that I treated them that way. I once broke up with my best friend. We did not speak for over a year. Six months into it, I broke down in tears after spending the day with someone else – I could not appreciate the person I was with, since all I could think about was my ex-BFF and how much BETTER our conversation post-movie would have been. I look back on my last boyfriend with similar feelings – now he’s gone, I want him back. Except I don’t. I would still find the same flaws in him that I did the first time, once the rosy hue wore off. And in total truth, one reason I broke it off with him was I know I am not healthy in a 4 way, and I would rather not treat him like crap while I work on my health levels. Nobody deserves that kind of emotional mistreatment.

I am working to correct this, but I still catch myself doing it. Having perfectly good, decent, and wonderful people in my life and longing for someone else; if they left me, I would want them back. Except, when they returned, I wouldn’t. I am in love with the idea of something that does not exist. I look back on former friendships with rose-colored glasses and longing. But their return would remind me of their flaws. I would be happy for 12 minutes and then start criticizing them and longing for something else again. It’s bloody hard to admit that to myself, much less to all of you, but it has taken me thirty-five years to become aware of what I am doing when I do this, and to slap myself and tell myself to QUIT.

2′s do not play this game. Oh, no. 2′s have their own mind game. It’s called “I deserve your love because of all the nice things I do for you.” It’s called manipulation. It’s called you being dependent on me is what I want. Helping you seems like the right thing to do (and I tell myself I am doing it because I am a good person) but actually, I look down on you for needing my help, I expect you to give me something in return, and I WILL play the “AFTER ALL THE NICE THINGS I DO FOR YOU…” card if you do not. If you want a raw, brutal look at the sort of crap an unhealthy 2 can get up to, look no further than Bates Motel. You know Norma? I do. “If you really loved me, you would…” “After all the good things I do for you, Norman…” “Why won’t you help me? I AM YOUR MOTHER, I TAKE CARE OF YOU.” Whine, fuss, cry, tantrum, slam door, wait for child to come with hat in hand to beg forgiveness and do what she wants.

That’s an unhealthy 2 in all her glory.

Now, all the types have excellent traits. You should absolutely look into them. Healthy 4′s are not afraid to tackle dark things or to go through emotional times with other people. Healthy 2′s are the most generous, loving people on the planet. But when you focus only on their good traits, and overlook the bad things, you do not get a full picture. You get an attractive image you’d love to put in your online profile, that does not help you decide.

If you really want to know your heart type, ask yourself how you screw with other people and yourself. And it’s going to HURT, when you see your reflection.

To answer your initial question, a 6 should only be withdrawing if they feel threatened by someone. And then, that’s only the phobic 6. A threatened cp 6 will attack aggressively. All 6′s are withholding of themselves. Richard Rohr says you can know a 6 a long time without ever ‘knowing’ them because they reveal very little. But they will test you to find out if they can trust you.

If the 6 is helping out of loyalty, then this loyalty is limited to their friends, family, and close acquaintances, it will not extend beyond that like a 2 might. A 2 will see an opportunity to help as an inroad into a new relationship. 

- ENFP Mod

[numbah34]

Hope for the Garden!

I’m gonna say up front, right now, that these are my opinions. I’m still tagging this as spoiler territory, because part of my speculation does involve things I’ve seen/heard from NYCC, and I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day by hinting at even the smallest spoilers if they are trying to keep themselves spoiler free for the next couple months. So, you’ve been warned!

I’ve had some thoughts regarding Pidge and Lance and season 8. I may expound on this more later (maybe with screen caps1), but for now, I am just putting this out there. (I’ll reiterate one more time that this is one person’s opinion, and you are absolutely allowed to disagree with me.)

I am 100% sure that plance is gonna happen in season 8.

After re-watching the seasons again (and again... it’s kind of a favorite in our house), plus some of the more recent “vague” informational tidbits we’ve heard in the last few weeks, PLUS the teaser and trailer from today, I am feeling really confident. If your plance need water, read on!

First off, Jeremy said that 1. Lance will have an endgame, and 2. It would seem like it came out of nowhere. Immediately the Garden wept, for we had all had the same reaction when A//ura approached Lance in s7e10: literally, “Well, that came out of nowhere.” But, as it’s been said before, that means people are already expecting it. My second take on this is: the vast majority of the fandom are not Gardeners. Many of them are still stubbornly chanting “K/CK”. It seems like most others pay no attention to plance interactions, or give them very little credence. If you look at the posts referring to Gardeners, or when new people “take up the trowel” (so to speak), they seem a little shocked at our existence, or that there are so many of us. SO, this leads me to believe that the majority of the fandom would not see plance coming.

Now, to the trailer and teaser from NYCC. The fact that we don’t see Pidge and Lance together in the trailer, teaser, or poster makes me feel very hopeful, because: They have come so far in trying to keep endgame spoiler-free (because all the showrunner’s interactions with fans has revealed a metric crap-ton of shippers), that I have a feeling they aren’t going to show their hand. Most people will see Lance looking at A//ura in the poster, or them standing close to each other in that image of the team aboard the Atlas, and the assumption will be made, “well, I guess a//urance will be endgame.” But again, I think we are meant to be distracted by this. Storyline sleight-of-hand, perhaps?

I do have some theories about how this will progress in s8. But I’ll save that for a different speculation post!

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Kidge Parent HC Part 2.5

Previous Part Links:

Kidge Married Pre-Babies: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.1: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.2: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.3: [here] *There’s a little angst in this one, FYI

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.4: [here]

HEY LONG TIME NO RAMBLE SO SORRY ABOUT THAT!!! School and Work and blah, ya know how it goes! Let’s get into the fun stuff, though, shall we? :3c

I decided to break this one down by dynamics; specifically, I’ll start by talking generally about Keith and Pidge as parents, family dynamics/routines that are the same between all the kids, then their relationships with each of the kids, and then we’ll get into what, exactly, the kids are like themselves. I’ll be stopping off with information once we hit around the 12-13 age with each kid and will resume explaining things in the next part from there, as there will be one more part.

There will be one more part focusing on more on the kids in their later teens/ young adult/ adult years, so there will be some Kidge Grandparent stuff in there! Hopefully I can get that part out much sooner than it took me to get this part out, but I am going to warn that I want to try and get one update completed for each of my current fics before I start really focusing in on the next part, so there will be a bit of a wait.

Also, up until the point I explain how he got the nickname, I’ll be calling Newt by his actual name of Oliver. Just wanted to add that so there wasn’t any confusion as to why I shift names halfway through.

First little random side note that I wanted to mention!!!

Keith does pretty well about maintaining his workout routine, though he definitely skips days more often once Pidge first gets pregnant – wanting to make sure to look after her, make sure she isn’t overworking herself, etc. – and becoming a bit more sporadic as the kids are born. Normally he can sneak in a session while the kids are taking naps or otherwise occupied, though. Matt teases that his six-pack is more of a four-pack now. Additionally, he gets a bit more relaxed about shaving his face. He’ll let himself get a bit scruffier just because he’s more focused on Pidge and the kids and forgets he should probably do something with that scruffy nonsense cropping up.

He goes from being Fitness Keith into Rugged Dedicated Daddy Keef. Pidge loves him just the same because, as far as she’s concerned, he’s still the same romantic goof she fell for.

Having four babies also affects Pidge’s body physically a bit. She does pretty good about maintaining a healthy balance of foods during her pregnancies, but there’s always a bit of weight gain as a side effect, plus pushing a small human body from your own tends to do a bit of widening to the hips, giving her a sort of pear-shaped silhouette; and, she is admittedly a bit salty that her breasts don’t get too much more in the area of growth as a result. She also does a moderate job about working out between pregnancies once she’s healed, but she’s not particularly worried or stressed about having a little extra weight packed on. It’s not a particularly large amount that she gains and she carries it well, but she definitely has a little bit of pudge around the middle. Most of it, though, goes to her thighs.

Becoming a mom basically makes Pidge a bit more Thicc™. Keith is absolutely 100% okay with this and still sees Pidge as the most incredible woman he’s ever known.

Okay, back to the tooth-rotting sweetness! :3

This is just something I need to say outright; they have baby books for each of the kids that are overloaded with pictures of their first full year in the world, with little notes stating when they had their first smile/laugh/word/step/tooth. They also save the onesies that each baby was brought home in and keep them in little shadow boxes with other sentimental items as the kids get older because they’re incredibly sentimental about all of it.

Pidge’s office at the Garrison is covered in photos of her, Keith and the kids, and if you notice she’s in a pissy mood? Point to one of the pictures and ask her what the family was doing when that was taken. She’ll start excitedly regaling you with how amazing her kids and husband are. Likewise, Keith carries a little pocket-album of family photos on him practically everywhere. If you’re meeting him for the first time and need to break the ice? Ask him if he has any pictures of his family, which you’ve heard so much about. He will immediately decide you are Good People and tell you all about how great they are and how much he loves them.

Keith is by far the more protective parent in their duo. Part of this is because he's always wanted a family and wants to be a Good Dad™ but thinks he has to work harder at it because he didn’t have a healthy family environment to grow up in. His dad died when he was young and Krolia wasn't around during his younger years so he frets over not knowing how to be a Good Parent™. Pidge always reassures him that so long as he makes sure to let the kids know how much he loves them, he's gonna be an absolutely phenomenal dad. It helps a bit during her first pregnancy and once Amber's actually there, in his arms, he realizes that they're all gonna be just fine.

He promises each of the kids when he first gets to hold them that he's gonna always be there to love and protect them. Takes any chance he can to reiterate that to them, too.

Pidge tends to be a bit more relaxed in her approach, in that she’ll give the kids a bit more independence sooner than Keith thinks they should, but by some strange proxy she tends to be the disciplinarian more often. Mostly because, while Keith will dish out punishments and lectures when necessary, it's clear he feels way guiltier about it than she does. Pidge, meanwhile, does not take mutiny in the ranks of the Kogane home lightly despite the fact that she was the LITERALLY embodiment of mutiny in her teen years; and, to specify, the kids only get in trouble when they knowingly do things they’ve been told or taught not to. They’ll let the kids slide the first two or three times they make a mistake after they learn not to do something, but once it clearly becomes a matter of testing how much their parents will put up with, the hammer gets dropped.

Since I'm on the subject, sometimes they do disagree about how to parent the kids, but they take the time to talk and find compromises. It’ normally a matter of Keith being a hyper-cautious Mother Hen, but there are points where Pidge is giving the kids more credit in regards to maturity/ responsibility than they deserve. I’ll expound on that sentiment more once we get further down the line.

Also, regarding punishments, they agree to using timeouts and sending the kids to their rooms when they're little, and graduate to revoking privileges and grounding as they get older.

Also, they're both terrible about co-sleeping. Like, initially Pidge insists it's okay because it makes things easier for her. Newborns need to be fed every 2-3 hours for the first couple of weeks. It's just easier for her to be able to either unclasp her nursing tank top or tug her shirt up, let the baby latch on to her boobie, and then pass back out. Eventually the baby will get milk drunk and pass out, too. Once the babies can go longer without feeding, they start trying to get them settled in their bassinette so they get used to sleeping in a spot by themselves so the transition to the crib is easier. But then they'll get fussy and Keith and Pidge feel bad because the baby is clearly sad and lonely and wants love. So they'll get up and bring them into bed for sleepy snuggles with Mommy and Daddy.

They do eventually get the kids transitioned from co-sleeping to their cribs. In order from easiest to hardest, it goes as follows; Oliver - and the irony of that isn't lost on Mommy and Daddy -, Kaden, Amber and lastly Aria.

When the kids get scared at night, they'll still clamor into bed with them. Aria does it the most and Amber does it the least, while the boys fall into a middle ground where they’re about equal with each other. There have been a handful of instances where they end up with all four kids in bed with them – specifically during really bad storms - and Keith is always grateful he let Pidge talk him into ordering the special extra-large king-sized bed from the planet Hintinue because there is no way they’d be able to fit six people on a regular king comfortably.

Keith and Pidge are really affectionate parents. Like, if one of the Kidgelings’ wants some cuddles? They will get those cuddles, no questions asked, regardless of the circumstances. Mommy’s drafting up a new schematic for an alternate generator for the Garrison to use? Fuck the Garrison; Pidge will push her projects aside to scoop the needy tot up in her arms, pressing little kisses to their head and rubbing circles into their back. Daddy was getting ready to do his workout in the basement gym? Leg Day is on hold; Keith has a responsibility to snuggle up with whichever baby it is, tucking their head under his chin and chatting with them softly about this or that.

I’ve always imagined that the Holt’s are an incredibly close, affectionate family that just exudes love and acceptance, so for Pidge this is just natural. These are her babies and they deserve all the snuggles and smooches they could ever want or need. It’s her gosh darn responsibility and she is more than willing to take it on. I also think that this mentality from the Holt’s probably boggled Keith’s mind when he started dating Pidge and they just… Kinda took him in with open arms. Probably a bit of an adjustment period for him but he learned that he actually really admired and emulated how open the relationship within his wife’s extended family is.

For Keith, it’s a matter of wanting to give his kids what he didn’t really get. Like, I imagine that Ethan Kogane was a great dad, who always told and showed Keith how much he loved him, but he was also a single father with a young child he was trying to raise all alone. And he died when Keith was still pretty young. I know the series hasn’t said what age he was, but I always leaned towards Keith being about seven/eight when it happened. And, obviously, Krolia wasn’t around when he was young for him to have an affectionate, doting mother figure either. Also, I think Krolia is certainly a loving mother, but I think that she’s sometimes unsure of when physical displays are appropriate with Keith because of the time they spent apart.

I think that would help to explain some of Keith’s canon struggle in how to properly interact with other people, and why he is probably the Paladin who has had the least physical shows of affection with other characters, but the ones he’s had have been deeply significant to his character. This rationale is also why I choose to read/ interpret him as the kind of father that I do. Keith is definitely someone who loves the people around him but isn’t always sure how to express it though this doesn’t apply so much to Pidge herself because she has straight-up told him to shower her in affection whenever he wants because she’s gonna do the same. But with little kids? As someone who lives in a house with a three-and-a-half year old and a nine month old baby, I can assure you they love nothing more than attention and physical affection. Interacting with the kids, Keith doesn’t need to worry so much about his physical affection being unwanted.

They’re just really loving parents, you guys.

Until all four kids are officially in school, Keith is a stay-at-home Daddy, at Pidge's insistence. She makes a bit more than him and most of his work can still be done from the house. They agree they don't want their kids spending eight hours a day in a daycare program with a bunch of people they don’t know very well. Plus Pidge thinks it’ll be really good for Keith because, when they first have the conversation about it after Amber’s born, poor guy gets extremely uncomfortable and anxious over the idea of handing their precious little lady over to a stranger for an extended period of time.

They do, however, get the kids signed into a little pre-school program for the two years before they enter kindergarten. The program only goes for three hours in the morning so Pidge will drop them off and Keith does the pickup. They do it so the kids can get ahead academically, as well as to make sure they have good social skills. While they're at pre-school, Keith works on whatever work assignment he's been given and then works on it again while the kids nap.

He, Allura and Shay form a sort of gossipy housewives group where they occasionally meet up after picking the kids up to grab lunch and talk smack about the obnoxious parents they encounter. Pidge dubs them the Soccer Mom Squad. Lance offers to make them all matching t-shirts.

As a small bonus, while the kids are at home with Keith, he’ll do fun little arts and crafts projects with them. Finger-paints, ceramics, drawing, making bead animals, scrapbooking… You name it, he’s figured out how to and has done it with the kids at least once. He and Pidge save literally everything the kids make for them ever to keep on the desks at work, or on their desks at home, or just keeping them saved in containers to keep them safe and because they’re both ridiculously sentimental.

In regards to the Holidays, I’ve always liked the idea that Pidge’s maternal side of the family is of Jewish heritage, while Samuel’s family was a bit more agnostic and partook in Christmas based solely on the fact that they supported the main ideals Christmas was meant to represent; i.e. Being kind to your fellow man, spending meaningful time with your family, giving to those that have less, etc. I also like the idea that Keith’s father was not someone who aligned to a specific religion and more fell in line to Christmas based on the commercialism and to give a young Keith something to look forward to during the holiday season. As such, the Kidgelings celebrate Hanukkah with the Holt’s as well as Christmas with the whole family. Additionally, they’ll go partake in community events to help their fellow man.

While Keith and Pidge are both practical people, they still kiss any boo-boos the kids get after they clean and cover them. It's just Good Parenting 101.

Also, Keith and Pidge take turns packing lunches for the kids to take to school once they start. Each time they do, they’ll use a sharpie – in their respective color, of course – and leave little notes on the Ziploc baggies that they put one of their little snacks. It’s always well wishes, but sometimes they’ll add little bonus points if they know the kid has something big going on that day too. Things like “Knock’em dead in the soccer team tryouts!” and “You’re going to kill that math test this afternoon!” that are just little things but the kids seriously love that their parents do that for them.

Keith joins the PTA so that he can help out with funding events and always know what's going on with the kids' extracurricular activities. For the longest time, the PTA parents are convinced Keith's a widower, due to Pidge being MIA at a lot of the events. This normally happens due to situations such as other functions for one of the other kids coinciding with the one Keith's attending or one of the kids being sick and needing to stay home. The other PTA parents gossip over their thirst for Rugged Dedicated Daddy Keef, with the boldest of them actually going so far as to openly flirt with the oblivious doof.

They all realize they were wrong when, at the science fair, they see Keith, balancing a sleepy three year old Aria on one hip, holding the hand of a fiery little bombshell blonde who is arguing with the judges because "Excuse me my son LITERALLY reverse-engineered a piece of alien technology and then rebuilt it using Earth tech and you give him a participation ribbon? And give first place to the kid who lit a light bulb with a potato? Oh Heckle deckle naw!"

They still thirst after him, but they are quieter about it. And some of them may even start thirsting after both the Kogane parents who are we to judge them? We'd all be just as bad let's be real.

Keith sings to all the kids when they're little and each of them has their own special song he only sings for them. He does, however, have one song that all four kids share, too. The songs - with links in the titles - are as follows:

All - Heart of Life cover by I Fight Dragons. Original version is by John Mayer but the chiptune cover is just Hella.

Amber - Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk It's symbolic for reasons

Kaden – Somewhere Only We Know by Lily Allen

Oliver - You are the Moon by the Hush Sound

Aria - Into the Woods by Cilla Jane

Pidge loves to read to the kids. When they're super little, she goes with stuff like Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein. As they get older, though, she does more lengthy books like the Warrior Cats series, The Chronicles of Narnia, and the Harry Potter Series. Keith will help with the dialogue for male characters while Pidge does the females and narration.

An added bit to the reading thing which I've made reference to in a fic before but wanted to take the time to further elaborate on here; Pidge develops little headbands for the kids to wear while she reads. It'll create the story in a small hologram and depict the events of the tale as the kids' see them. It focuses more the general ideas as they see it instead of the more minuscule, fine details. This is mostly because the kids views of certain things - fur pattern of a cat, color of a dress, etc - may differ and, thus, conflict.

They have a system for bedtime.

First, Pidge and Keith read to the kids before they start doing all the other stuff, all the kids gathered together in the living room with their parents. The kids get bathed every other night but two kids get bathed a night. Amber and Kaden take baths on the same nights, while Oliver and Aria take the same nights. Keith and Pidge take turns with who does what. If Keith bathes the kids, Pidge is responsible for getting them dressed and helping them brush their teeth, and vice versa. Pidge always tucks the kids into bed and turns their nightlight on for them before heading out of the room. Keith always sings to them when he comes in after to help them settle in further.

When the kids are still little beanie babies and in the bath, Pidge says the goofiest, cutest things to them.

*Pidge, gently rinsing Aria off.* “How do you feel now?” *Pauses for a whole second.* “Adorable.” *Said with a small, sassy head warble.*

*Aria giggles excitedly.*

*Pidge, grinning wide as she leans in closer to pick her up.* “And how do you look?” *Pauses for another whole second. “Super adorable!” *Said, again, with sassy head warble.*

*Aria squeals in delight.*

With Keith, he and the kids play elaborate games while they’re in the bath using their little toys. Like, they come up with entire backstories for it and probably spend way longer in the tub post-clean-up than necessary. One such instance involved Newt pretending to be Cthulhu and flooding half the bathroom with a splash and Keith’s pants with the splash he created. Pidge was a little bit displeased with this. Keith ended up having to clean the mess up with the wet pants still on.

So Homework!! They have a system for this too!!

The kids always do their homework at the kitchen table just to assure they it gets done and they don't goof off. They love their kids but they know what to expect from them. Keith helps them with History and English, Pidge takes Math and Science, and they alternate on Geography/ Social Studies/ Whatever the Hell they call it now. Since they also take turns on who makes dinner, they work the system as such: If Keith is making dinner, the kids work with Pidge on her respective subjects while he's cooking. After dinner, while Pidge does the dishes, Keith works on his respective subjects with them. And vice versa, obviously.

Most of the time, the kids will help out, too. They’ll help set the table and, depending on where they’re at with their homework, they’ll help with doing the dishes and putting away any leftovers.

The only night that homework isn't an immediate concern is Friday nights because weekend. Typically, though, the kids still fall in line with the schedule solely because they like having their weekend be stress free so they can go fuck shit up have a lot of fun.

They teach all the kids basic self-defense moves. Amber and Kaden are the only ones that take a vested interest in learning the art of fighting, though, so that becomes a way for those two to bond. Newt learns a decent amount for really dire situations but normally relies on his quick thinking in a fight. Aria doesn't remember jack from what she's taught because she never has a reason to use it. This is due to how she is a Too Smol Cinnamon Roll™ who would never want to fight anyone ever.

Additionally, over the weekend, they tend to do a variety of things from one-on-one kid stuff as well as family-centered things. Sunday nights are typically when they either watch a movie or play board games together.

Okay, now let's talk about the dynamics between each parent and the children individually!

Keith and Pidge each have something special that they only really do with each kid, one-on-one. This is because they want to make sure they know their kids and are close to them, so that way the kids know their parents are always there to support/help them, as well as to give them chances to open up to them if/ when they are facing struggles. It’s also because they want to make sure that the kids feel like they get equal care and attention from both their parents. I’m gonna start with Pidge, and go in birth order with each of the little Kidgelings.

Basically, Keith and Pidge are the kind of parents who, when they say they know what’s going on with their kids, they mean it. And not in the sense that they snoop or pry, but in an organic and respectful way that the kids feel comfortable coming to them about the mundane stuff as well as when a situation gets really challenging for them.

Pidge and Amber bond over B-Grade horror flicks. They love sitting and riffing on the effects, plot, characters, all of it. They’re favorites are Plan 9 from Outer Space, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and both of the Birdemic films. They make sure to get plenty of snacks and drinks before they start their little movie marathons. They go with Butterfingers, Reese’s, Red Vines, and a bowl of popcorn with, strange as it may seem, chocolate syrup drizzled on top. They go with Dr. Pepper – or Cherry Dr. Pepper when they’re feeling a little different – for their drink of choice and settle in for a Mother-Daughter riff fest.

Pidge and Kaden bond over building small soapbox carts together. Kaden joins a little hobby racing group for kids and they hold frequent charity racing events. The club has a rule, though, that the child participants can only participate with soapbox carts they make themselves; with the help of a parent/ guardian, of course. Pidge, given her knowledge in regards to constructing technology and devices, is the perfect partner to help her son. Pidge actually clears a little area in her garage workshop and buys him a toolkit for his use only. She always takes her time and lets him do a majority of the hard work, serving more as a guiding hand, and Kaden adores getting the chance to gain some firsthand knowledge from his Mom about stuff like this.

Pidge and Newt bond over classic video games, which is to be expected, I think. Newt is the one whose interests and hobbies – for the most part – fall in line with Pidge’s own so they have the most ground to build on. In specific, he’s really intrigued by old game systems and video games from way before he was born. Pidge, being an avid collector, has a wide array for him to get a firsthand experience with. She likes watching him get angry when he gets stuck on puzzles in games and then try to whine at her to tell him the answer. How well-behaved he’s been between their gaming sessions determines how quickly she relents in giving him hints or tips to help him figure things out.

Pidge and Aria end up bonding over, interestingly enough, doing yoga together! One day, when Aria is about six, they’re picking Kaden up from his karate class and notice a flier for a Mommy-Daughter yoga class that one of the dance instructor’s is aiming to start. Aria gets really excited about the idea and asks if they can go, which Pidge agrees to because she can’t say no to one of her babies getting excited about participating in things. They have a blast getting to go to their weekly yoga sessions to get a bit of a workout and spend some one-on-one time for a good while, but then the instructor moves away and the class is cancelled. After that, Pidge invests in some yoga DVDs for at home so they can still do their work out together, using that as a guide.

Sometimes, when Aria notices that he isn’t busy, she’ll invite Kaden to join her and Pidge with their yoga session, since it’s a good way to unwind.

Keith and Amber bond over the great outdoors. I’ve always really kind of loved how Pidge isn’t very interested in nature despite being the Green Paladin, while Keith feels more at ease in those environments. Amber tends to lean towards siding with Keith in this regard. She really likes it when Keith lets her help him with the gardening and other yard work tasks. She loves getting to go out, slip on some gloves, and help Keith with pulling weeds or putting in a new type of plant. Keith teaches her all that he knows about plants and wilderness survival – because, come one. The dude lived in a rundown shack in the middle of the desert for at least one year. Homeboy has to have some decent wilderness survival skills – such as teaching her how to tell what kind of berries are safe to eat, how to use moss on a tree to navigate better, how to start a fire without a lighter/matches, etc.

Keith and Kaden bond over old mecha shows and building models of the mechs they see. I’ve always believed that Keith was a huge fan of giant robot and super sentai shows growing up, so when Kaden starts taking an interest in those kinds of things, he’s eager to encourage and engage in them with him. They’ll power through a whole series of Gundam over the course of a night or two, select their favorite two or three robots, and Keith will look into ordering the model kits for them to construct together. They take turns on who reads off the instructions and who does the actual assembly. So far, their favorites have been the original Mobile Suit Gundam that started the whole franchise and Gundam Wing. Their favorite builds are RX-78-2 Gundam and XXXG-01D Gundam Deathscythe. This hobby is somewhat similar to what he does with Pidge mostly because Kaden likes doing tasks that keep his hands busy.

Keith and Oliver bond over wildlife and animals in general. Remember in the last part where I mentioned that Keith ends up taking Oliver with them on the morning walks because of what a Lil Shit™ he is to Aria? When Keith takes him along, he gives him a little checklist of wildlife common on the path they take and tells him to put a little checkmark next to the name of each one he sees. After this, Oliver becomes greatly fascinated with the habits and differences of the wilderness around their home. Due to Keith having those previously-mentioned wilderness survival skills, he actually knows a lot about the animals so he can answer most questions Oliver has for him. Sometimes they’ll go to wildlife exhibits and museums to further their knowledge, or just go dink around in the wilderness near their house. This led to a time where Oliver located a few Rough-skinned newts in a pond and, knowing very little about them, snatched two up and took them over to show Keith. Fun thing about this type of newt; they release a toxin to deter predators. Keith hastily helped him put them back and, on the way to a nearby public restroom to thoroughly wash his hands clean of the toxins, he explained this to his son. After this, Oliver declared newts his favorite animals and the family gave him his infamous nickname: Newt.

Additionally, because Amber and Newt have somewhat similar interests, Keith will sometimes take them with him for a little one-night camping trip.

Keith and Aria bond over music, obvious as that is. Keith knows how to play the guitar and piano and has a decent set of pipes on him. Plus, he loves getting to sing the kids lullabies, too. Aria’s always been soothed by music and as she grows, so does her passion for the subject. Keith teaches her the piano and will take her to see musicals when they come into the area. Pidge teasingly calls them their “Daddy-Daughter Dates” because of how they’ll go out for dinner either before or after depending on what time the show is. For days afterwards, they’ll randomly burst out into duets of whatever their favorite songs from the show were. Of the shows they’ve been able to see, they’ve liked Wicked, Chicago, and Phantom of the Opera the best. Keith may also have a soft spot in him for Mamma Mia!; Pidge has heard him humming Dancing Queen more times than he’d like her to acknowledge, and teases him about it when she catches him.

Okay, now why don’t we actually talk about the Kidgelings themselves, hm? I’ll be going in birth order again because it’s easier. I may, however, jump around a little bit in this since I’ll try to talk about the relationships between the siblings.

So little Miss Amber Rose Kogane!

Let’s start with some superficial, trivial fun facts; Amber’s favorite color is peach, just like her baby blanket, but she also really likes dark green hues. Her favorite animals are giraffes and deer. Her favorite foods are anything pasta-related, but she’s especially fond of five-cheese lasagna and chicken alfredo. Since Nanny Collie is a master at Italian dishes, she’ll happily make these for the kids when they’re over, and later teaches Amber the family recipe when she’s older. Her favorite desserts are anything mint-flavored, much like Keith. The two of them will often share bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream together. Her favorite candies are Reese’s and Butterfinger bars. Since they’re the same as Pidge, she’ll often share them with her Momma.

Amber is a snarky, headstrong and confident little thing. She’s quick with a quip or jab at anyone who tries to antagonize her or her siblings. Also, she’s as stubborn as a mule. She will happily get into knock-down drag-out fights with other people – of both the physical and verbal variety – when she knows she’s right. And that, right there, is the big thing about her; Amber will fight tooth and nail when she knows that she is in the right.

Amber is often seen as being a bit arrogant by some of the other kids at school, but really it’s just that she’s confident, self-assured, and brave to the extent that it’s borderline suicidal. Guess which parent she gets that from. She’s learned something significant from both of her parents that have a huge hand in shaping her. From Pidge, she learns to be proud of what she’s good at while working hard at areas where she falls short. From Keith, she learns when to choose her battles, but also that when she chooses to pick the fight, she should see it through; regardless of if she wins or loses.

Her parents are firm with her that they don’t approve of fighting, but they’re also not naïve enough to think that conflict won’t happen sometimes. They were Paladins of Voltron fighting the Galra Empire. They know what it means to be placed in a situation where fighting back may be the only conflict-resolution that yields any kind of meaningful results. So, while they make sure that Amber understands that non-hostile approaches should always be her first approach, they do take the time to make sure that she has the necessary skills to take care of herself if/ when she needs to handle an escalated situation.

They teach all the kids this lesson, but Amber’s the one who tends to need to have a refresher on it most often because she just can’t stop herself sometimes. Amber Rose Kogane lives to fight.

Her tendency towards conflict ends up working well in her favor once she starts taking on extracurricular activities at school. She joins the soccer, volleyball, and track and field teams at school, as well as taking fencing classes and gymnastic courses outside of that. She always liked how good Keith was with a blade, but she finds the rapiers that fencers use to be a bit more suited to her, given that she’s a petite and zippy build. Engaging in somewhat competitive and physically draining hobbies helps to temper her out quite a bit as she gets older. She’s still a bit of an impulsive right-fighter, but she gets a lot better about assessing a situation before she starts in on the smug commentary.

In regards to her relationships with her siblings, she’s probably the closest with Kaden, but she does get along really well with Newt and Aria too. Well, except when Newt’s being an antagonistic lil’ shit; then she puts on her Big Sis Breeches and reminds him how the pecking order works. She and Kaden like to spare together in regards to both fisticuffs and practicing with blades; while being supervised by an adult, of course. Sometimes Newt will come into her room while she’s doing homework and just sit with her, working on some project of his own at the desk she never uses, music playing and the two of them just enjoying some quiet company. Amber and Aria have the least common ground, but the older Kogane definitely has a soft spot for her baby sister, listening to her prattle about the latest bit of gossip within her friend group and offering advice on how to hopefully diffuse the social situation.

Ironically enough, Amber’s really good at thinking of peaceful solutions to conflicts that don’t directly involve her. Not so good at the practicing what she preaches thing, though.

Amber takes her position as the oldest very seriously; though, sometimes, this leads to her butting heads with the others more than she should. Amber tends to be a bit of a nosy busybody, so if she thinks that something’s up with one of her siblings, she’s gonna shove her nose into their business. More times than not, though, once she knows what’s up, she’ll keep quiet and just kind of keep tabs on them. If she thinks they need her help, she’ll intervene. If she thinks it’s outside of her pay wage, she’ll drop subtle hints to Keith and Pidge that something is up. Typically they already noticed, but they appreciate her concern regardless.

While her abrasive attitude makes her a bit difficult to get along with, Amber does have a small group of friends; most of them being boys. The two she’s closest with are Alfor, the oldest of Lance and Allura’s kids, and Richter, Hunk and Shay’s son. Richter tries to be the voice of reason in their little gaggle but, sadly, tends to get ignored a lot when they’re really young. As they get older, though, Amber really values having him as her friend because he can help to keep her from picking needless fights. She and Alfie are kind of like frenemies and, because of this, the “legendary rivalry” between Keith and Lance lives again.

Only this time, the involved Kogane is an active and willing participant with just as much sass as her opponent.

Hunk’s heart goes out to his son, because he’s been there.

One time, when they were playing hide-and-seek at the park, Alfor accidentally broke Amber’s nose. For the game, they made up only three simple rules; you can’t move from your location once you hide, you can’t hide in any of the family cars, and you can’t hide in the bathroom. Amber was it and had found everyone except him.

“Okay, where could he be?” *Amber grumbling, hand son her hip, glaring around angrily.*

“I thought I saw him heading towards the bathroom!” *Patrick, another one of the kids in their rag-tag grade-schooler gang, chimed in.*

“Are you kidding me? Well, Prince of Dorktea just signed himself up as being it next since he broke the stinkin’ rules!” *Amber, furious, marching her way over to the bathrooms*

“But Amber, that’s are the boy’s restroom! You can’t go in there!” *Richter, fretful and reasonable as always.*

*Amber turns, walking backwards towards the little bathroom hut.* “Yeah, and he went in there specifically to try and cheat to win! If he thinks I’m gonna let him win, he’s got another thing coming!”

“Oh man, she’s gonna give it to him good!” *Curtis, another one of their friends, states with a laugh. He then starts jogging after her.* “Come on! We gotta see this!”

*Cue the small group of Richter, Patrick, Curtis, Kaden, and another kid in their group, Monty, pattering along with her. The other boys are all giggly and giddy because they think Amber and Alfor’s fights are funny. Richter has a Bad Feeling™.*

*Amber marches in and looks down at the bottom of the stalls, seeing a set of electric blue and black sneakers scuffing up the cement flooring in the second stall.* “Alfor, you big cheat! Get out here and take your turn being it!” *She begins pounding on the door to add emphasis to her point.*

*There’s a quiet shift and suddenly the shoes are gone.*

“I already saw your feet, dingus! Standing on the toilet isn’t gonna help you none!”

“Go away or I’m gonna tell your Mom and Dad you went into the boy’s room!”

*Cue all the other kids – sans Richter - letting out a scandalized ‘Oooohhhhh!’*

“Go ahead! I’ll just tell your Mom and Dad that you were cheating!”

*Cue another round of jeers from the Peanut Gallery.*

*Alfor suddenly throws the door open with way more force than necessary, causing it to fly full-force into Amber and knocking her flat on her back.* “Don’t you dare, you dirty-! Hey, where’d she-?” *He starts, then pauses when she isn’t there, and looks around. His eyes get really wide when he sees her as she rolls onto her side and starts to push herself upright.* “Uh, A-Amber, are you-?”

“You friggin’ jerk! What’d you do that for?” *Amber turns to face him, scowling and furious with a few tears prickling her eyes, not realizing that her nose is now gushing blood. She reaches up to wipe at her eyes then freezes when her fingers come back bloody. Slowly lifts her head to look at the other kids, who are now pale and aghast, then glares over at Alfor.* “I am so telling on you!”

*The other boys scatter immediately, darting off to avoid being included in the backlash that’ll most certainly come from the grown-ups. Kaden rushes over to Pidge, Keith, Allura and Lance, who are settled at a picnic table talking. Aria is napping in her stroller while Newt is on the swings with Krolia, who they all call Nana Olia. The little guy is shrieking and wailing like mad as he approaches, causing all the adults to go into Panic Mode. Pidge and Keith dart over, meeting him halfway, and Pidge scoops him up.*

“Kaden, baby, what’s wrong? What happened? What hurts?” *Pidge, trying to remain calm, but her tone just a bit urgent and frantic.*

*He’s way too distressed to understand but they at least manage to get “Amber” and “bad owie” out of it. Keith starts to look around for her, glancing over at the playground equipment and swings to see if she’s there, and then towards the little soccer field since sometimes Patrick will bring a ball and they’ll play out there.*

*And then, when his eyes swipe back towards the direction Kaden came from, Amber has trotted up, still scowling, blood having started to stain the front of her shirt, little arms crossed over her chest.* “Dad, Mom, Alfor is a stupid jerk who cheats and then he went and did this to me!” *She points at her still-steadily bleeding nose.*

Keith nearly has a heart attack. Pidge is absolutely livid. The McClain’s lay the law down something fierce with Alfie once he stops hiding in the bathroom.

This isn’t the last time that any of the Kidgelings get hurt pretty bad and Ho Boi does Amber give them another more severe bout of heart attacks about injuries in the future but it is the first time it happens and it freaks them both out something fierce.

Pretty early on into her pre-teen years, when all her classmates are starting to get past the concept of cooties and start to develop attractions to their peers, Amber reveals that she’s not attracted to boys. She is, though, attracted to other girls. She’d always sort of known because she never really thought any of her friends were cute but there were tons of girls in her classes that she thought were cute, she just never really thought much about it when she was younger. Keith and Pidge are both absolutely supportive and accepting of her sexuality, telling her that she’s their baby girl and they’d love her regardless of her sexual orientation. She also talks a lot about it with Uncle Shiro, since he’s openly gay and happily married at this point.

*Amber, shrugging off her backpack and flopping face down on the couch with a loud groan when she comes home from school.*

*Shiro perks up, pouring himself a cup of coffee since he was over visiting.* “Hey there, Ber-Ber. How was school?”

“Beatrice friggin’ Hollinger!” *She lifts her head just long enough to be heard shouting this before flopping back down.*

“Oh, she’s the cute red-head on the volleyball team with you, right?”

*Another long, drawn-out groan from Amber.*

“Come in here with me. I’ll make you a glass of chocolate milk and you can tell Uncle Shiro all about it, my poor Padawan.”

I’ll elaborate much more on these two in another post I’m planning to make *cough IhaveanaskthisfitsbetterinthatI’mstillpreparing cough* so look forward to more information about that there.

On to baby number two; Kaden Ethan Kogane!

So the fun trivial facts with the little guy! Kaden’s favorite colors are any shade of red and any shade of orange, kind of like the predominant hues of a sunrise. His favorite animals are moose, thanks to his dear friend Bob, and he also really loves fennec foxes. His favorite food is anything with meat and, additionally, he really likes artichokes. His favorite desserts are snicker doodle and gingerbread cookies; he loves things that have a bit of spice and kick to them. This is more something he gets from Pappy Sam, so whenever he goes over to visit them, Nanny Collie will make a little platter of cookies for them to share. His favorite candies are anything with dark chocolate, though he also really loves dark chocolate raisins. Keith is also fond of the chocolate raisins and the two will snack on them together.

Kaden may not be the oldest since Amber became an official member of the family roster, but that doesn’t really change much about him. He’s still a very noble little dude who will eagerly throw down for the greater good of those he cares about. He’s a bit more on the reserved side, his appearance not being the only thing that he got from Keith in this regard, but he’s also quick as a whip like his Momma. He, much like Amber, has also inherited the hot-headed tendencies of both their parents, and with him it’s also paired with a pretty short temper – which is quite a bit longer for members of his family - and is even quicker to launch into Fight Mode than his sister. He and Amber are similar in this vein, which is probably another reason why they’ve got such a close bond, but they are a bit different in how they go about it.

He is better than Amber about going for help to the proper authority, but when he does get pushed to his breaking point he hits a lot harder for a lot longer than Amber does. I’ve addressed it a handful of times before in at least two separate fics, but he doesn’t mess around when it comes to the safety of his siblings and friends. Additionally, because of what Kaden’s seen happen with Newt and Aria, he feels very strongly about bullies. While Amber will go to bat for her siblings and her close personal friends, Kaden tends to be a bit more of a vigilante of freedom for his peers in general. If he sees someone getting roughed up by a bully, he’ll square up with the bully and get them to step off.

He also, however, reminds the people being bullied that they need to make sure they speak out to the grown-ups about what’s going on. In some cases, where the bullied student has reached out to teachers but gotten no help, Kaden will teach them the strictly defensive techniques he knows so they can at least protect themselves when he isn’t around. Keith and Pidge don’t necessarily agree with his approach, but they also can’t say they’re angry that he’s trying to help other kids that need it.

As I’ve mentioned somewhere before, he’s the biggest cuddle bug of all the Kidgelings. All the kids like to get paid some attention and affection from their parents, sure, but Kaden? Getting snuggled is his jam. Even as he gets a little older and starts going to school, he’ll sometimes just walk over to Pidge and, without a word, just hold his arms out. She immediately pauses in whatever she’s doing to scoop him up for hug and, until he gets too big for it, she’ll just kind of carry him around like he’s a koala bear on a tree.

Much like Amber, Kaden ends up participating in a few sports teams as well. He joins the soccer – because he wants to be like his big sis – and baseball teams. Outside of that, he joins the little hobby racer group that I mentioned before, and signs up for martial arts classes. He really enjoys participating in the tournaments and getting to test his skills against equally skilled opponents.

As for his bonds with his siblings, as I mentioned, he and Amber are the closest due to their sparing and shared interest in sports. She’ll give him tips and tricks in regards to soccer techniques, showing him how to balance the ball on his head and such. He tends to be the Newt Wrangler as they grow older just because he likes trying to help with keeping things together and take some of the weight off of his parents. This, however, doesn’t mean that he and Newt don’t occasionally get into dumb shenanigans together, because they do; stealing Garrison ships, doing stupid Jackass-style stunts, etc. He and Aria get along pretty good and he’s rather protective of her. Sometimes when he’s working on homework he’ll go join her while she’s practicing her piano or cello because he likes the quiet background noise as he works, and sometimes he’ll know the song she’s trying to play and will hum along to help her figure out where she may be making a mistake in the tune.

Because of his position as a Pillar of Justice, Kaden has a ridiculous amount of admirers, but only a handful of really close personal friends. Part of this is because he really likes hanging out with Amber and the bigger kids she rolls with. Amber lets him because he can keep up with them and she’s a good big sis who likes to let her siblings be included. Outside of that, he also has six friends of his own that he’s close with that are in his own grade. His group and Amber’s eventually just kind of becomes a Frankenstein-like cluster of kids doing goofy stuff.

I’ll elaborate on this more in the next part, but I wanted to at least touch a bit on this relationship. Lance and Allura have a daughter about the same age as Kaden named Raya. The kids are more mutual acquaintances who look after one another because of their parents/ siblings being friends. This is because they have wildly different personalities/ interests/ and having skewed opinions of one another; Raya sees him as an impulsive reclusive meat-head and Kaden sees her as a loud-mouthed spoiled brat. Unlike Amber and Alfor, who have developed The Frenemiship for the Ages, they opt to just leave well enough alone and run in their opposing circles. The only times they interact is when they’re forced to, and even then the worst they do is a smack-talking session.

Well, until one incident, in specific, where he, his friends, Newt and Aria are playing with a ball and it gets stuck up high in a big oak tree in the Kogane backyard. Raya’s over because Allura is visiting with Keith, but she’s just sitting on the back porch flipping through one of those pre-teen magazines.

*Kaden, staring up at the tree, where the ball is teetering on a limb that’s shaped like a really small wishbone.* “Really? Dude, Emmett, we told you not to kick it so hard!”

*Emmett, one of Kaden’s friends, holds both his hands up defensively.* “Hey, it’s not my fault! You know that I’m a straight beast when it comes to this kind of stuff!”

“Oh, is that what they call it?” *Clyde, another of the group, snorts lightly.*

“Come at me, scrub lord. I’m ripped.” *Emmett, dead serious, staring the other kid down.*

“I’ll go get the Frisbee from the front yard. We can play with that instead!” *Aria, trying to be helpful, before scampering off.*

*Newt points to the other side of the house.* “We could go get the ladder. I think Dad left it over there after he checked that loose panel on the roof.”

“Nah, I got this.” *Kaden says before starting to hoist himself up into the tree.*

“Dude, that thing is way up there. I don’t think you’ve ever climbed up that high before.” *Levi, another member of the group, adds.*

“Just means it’s a new accomplishment I can add to my list of achievements.”

*The other boys all cheer him on as he continues to climb up, making sure to grab the branches closest to where they connect to the tree, since that’s where they’re sturdiest. He makes it all the way up to where the ball is at and, with a quick pivot of his body, manages to grab it. He turns and holds it above his head as his friends cheer louder. It’s at this moment, though, that the branch that he was holding snaps and he goes plummeting to the ground below.*

*And when he hits, he hits hard. And there’s a very distinct snapping sound when he does.*

*The other boys crowd around him as he lays there, the wind knocked out of him and blinking to try and ground himself. They’re all talking super-fast and asking him way too many questions for him to think straight.*

“Back up, now! Give him space, you lug heads!” *He hadn’t even heard Raya approach until she was right there, but he kind of appreciates her. She kneels beside him and looks him over, then lets out a small hiss.* “Newt, go get your Dad. Tell him that Kaden’s arm is really hurt and he’s gonna need to go to the hospital.”

“W-What do you-!” *Newt starts to argue, then pales when he sees a sliver of white sticking out of his brother’s skin. He turns on his heels and tears off for the house.* “Dddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddd!”

*Kaden moves to sit up and Raya helps him, keeping him from using his hurt arm to try and prop himself up. Meanwhile, his three friends are freaking out.* “Oh man! Oh geez! We’re gonna be in so much trouble!”

“Why would any of us get in trouble? Kaden was the one that went up there!”

“None of us tried to stop him, though!”

“Uh, speak for yourself! I totally tried to!”

“You’re so full of crap, Levi!”

*As they prattle on, the pain starts to register for Kaden and his eyes lock on his injury. His breathing starts to escalate and he looks ready to start freaking out.*

*Raya’s eye has started to twitch and she glares up at his friends.* “If you three want to do something helpful, then shut your mouths! You’re only making things worse!” *She watches the trio for a moment and then, upon them all falling silent, she turns her attention back to Kaden.* “Take deep, steady breathes, okay? Here, watch me and do as I do. In, nice and slow, and then out, nice and slow. In, out. In, out.” *She’s extremely soft and patient with him, taking the time to make him focus on her instead of his busted arm. She then briefly looks up at his friends.* “You can join in, too, if you want to calm down.”

*The other three do, picking up on the rhythm as well. She keeps this up until Keith comes running out, Newt and Allura not far behind. Keith is aghast and gently pulls Kaden to him, reassuring him that an ambulance is on the way, and carries him through the house to the front yard. Allura instructs the other boys to head back to their houses, and ushers Raya and the other Kidgelings inside so she can look over them. Thankfully, it isn’t a long wait for the ambulance and Keith and Kaden are ushered in. The EMT in the back carefully settles Kaden on the gurney they have and starts getting him all settled. She ends up having to reset the bone, and warns both he and Keith of how bad that’s gonna feel.*

*She lets out a small whistle once he’s settled back down a bit from having the bone reset.* “You did a pretty clean break on this, huh, buddy?” *She’s polite yet playful in her words.*

“I-Is that b-b-bad?” *Kaden sniffles, starting to get worried at her words.*

“Not at all! This typically means it’ll heal faster!” *She then carefully picks up a alcohol wipe and begins clearing off the blood and the cut.* “How’d this end up happening, if you don’t mind telling?”

“I-I was climbing a t-tree to get our ball back.”

“Oh yeah? What game were you playing?”

“Kickball.”

“That’s a really fun game! Is it one of your favorites?”

“Y-Yeah. I’m really good at it, too.”

*The EMT keeps him chatting the whole ride to the hospital, which helps him calm down a lot. This experience sticks with him for a long time afterwards.*

After he gets home with his cast, he thanks Raya for her help. She shrugs and tells him that it was the right thing to do. He decides not to press her or ask how she knew that’d help, and offers to let her be the first person to sign his cast. Excluding his Dad, since Keith signed it at the hospital once his heart palpitations settled down.

Now that we’ve got the older two down, let’s get down to the third musketeer, Oliver Maxwell Kogane, A.K.A. Newt! With his facts, I kind of jumped around a bit so it doesn’t quite follow the same structure I had for Amber and Kaden, but hopefully it’ll all still make sense!

I’m still going to start with the trivia nonsense, though. Newt’s favorite color is blues, regardless of the hue or shade of it. He just thinks it’s a super mellow, calming color. He doesn’t actually have any specific favorite animal, despite what he said when he found the newts. He loves all animals, though he does admittedly have a soft spot for canines and amphibians. His favorite foods are pizza and garlic bread, all day every day. His favorite desserts are banana cream pie and carrot cake. This is something he actually gets from Keith’s dad, which immediately endears Nana Olia to him and she’ll occasionally treat him to one of them. He’s not really fond of any specific candy bar and likes all of them pretty even; he does, however, adore having ants-on-a-log as a tasty treat. Pidge is always willing and able to make these for him and enjoy a few with him.

Newt is a smart little trouble maker who marches to the beat of his own drum, leaning towards being a bit more interested in more in-door hobbies like video games or reading for the most part. He’s incredibly curious, eager to learn and, once you get to know him, he can be a really caring little guy. He, however, doesn’t suffer fools gladly and he has a very forward approach to sharing his own opinion; this is not helped by the fact that he is A Notorious Shit Talker. He has very little grasp or regard for social graces or tact when it comes to correcting someone about something. This isn’t due to him not caring about other people’s feelings, though, but because he himself would rather people tell him honestly when he does something stupid. He probably gets this from watching his Momma break down some of the Garrison officials she works with when they try to correct or dismiss her.

In regards to his relationship with his siblings, he’s the textbook-definition of a little brother in regards to Amber and Kaden. They all get on well enough but sometimes Newt just has to go and poke the bear, just because his brother and sister get So Extra when they’re angry. He and Amber find more common ground through the camping trips with Keith, as they grow to admire and respect each other’s respective nature knowledge. He and Kaden play video games together, as well as the aforementioned Jackass-style shenanigans and other highly illegal typical boy-stuffs; these are normally ideas from Newt, modified by Kaden and his friends, and then put into action by the older boys while Newt stands off to the side and observes. He insists that this is for someone to see the science behind their stunts; he is a liar. As for his relationship with Aria, he remains a constant source of antagonistic behavior towards her up until the point they start going to school. He starts to back down and will actually humor her games more often than not, and sometimes he’ll let her play his video games with him. As they get older, though, they get much closer, but I’ll elaborate on that later.

The way he is perceived by his peers’ causes two assumptions about who he is to become prevalent among his classmates; that he’s either a total jerk, or a bratty know-it-all. The second interpretation is typically what leads to him getting bullied as often as he does, and the first is why people don’t normally speak out on his behalf; and, furthermore, the situations aren’t helped remotely by the fact that Newt has a mouth that tends to write a lot of checks his sorry tail can’t actually cash. Kaden and Amber are always willing and eager to stand up for him, but as he gets older, it starts to bother and really hurt Newt how none of his classmates are willing to do the same. Regardless of if they like him or not, they should be speaking out because what’s being done to him is wrong, right?

Hey, know who we haven’t talked about a lot? Resident Good Boi Cosmo!

Because of his issues in dealing with humans and his interest in wildlife, Newt actually ends up being really good with animals in general; especially Cosmo, who is his most favorite animal in the whole known universe. And, I mean, can you blame him? Cosmo is basically just a Pokémon brought to life! He’s ridiculously attached to the cosmic wolf, and the feeling seems to be mutual. 9 times out of 10, Cosmo’ll sleep in Newt’s room with him, and if Newt’s just chilling on the couch stooging out, he’ll jump up and plop his head in the kid’s lap from some ear-scritches.

One time, Newt proclaimed that Cosmo was his best friend because he liked Newt just the way he was and never got mad at him for saying something harsh. It broke Keith’s heart two-fold; on one hand, he was glad that his son cared so much about the family wolf, but on the other hand it hurt to know that the other kids weren’t willing to give him the chance to befriend them.

Because of his actually tender heart, Newt has a bad habit of finding abandoned animals and trying to bring them home. Keith and Pidge will typically keep the animal for a night or two before taking them to the local shelter where they can get proper treatment and a good home; in the case of wildlife like rabbits and such, they’ll take them to a nature preserve. Every time Newt begs them to let him keep the animals but for the longest time Pidge and Keith are concerned that he’s just too young for the responsibility that would come with a pet.

That changes shortly after his ninth birthday. Pidge notices that someone’s been sneaking out some of the leftovers at night. She also notices that one of the pails that she occasionally uses to drain fluids when she works on Keith’s bike – which he still occasionally uses – or some new engine block she herself is building, as well as some of the old tattered up towels she kept in case of a big spill, are also missing. She has an idea of who is doing it – as well as why – but it takes her an extra day or two after she pieces it together to catch him in the act. She spots him sneaking out the back door, into the backyard, and watches him carefully scale the fence, tossing his messenger bag over before doing so.

And, because she’s gonna get an answer, she follows after him.

*Newt creeps over to a large tree in the small forest area behind their house, tossing the flab back on his bag.* “I’m sorry I’m late. I know you don’t like to be left alone for very long. But I brought you some treats! I even got some leftover bones with some meat and gristle on’em for the steak we had last night!” *He kneels down and rummages through the bag, pulling out an aluminum foil bundle.*

*A quiet little whine is heard from whatever he’s talking to as he fishes a bone out and carefully offers it to it.*

“I also brought some stuff to try and get those ouchies you have a bit cleaner. I’m pretty sure hydrogen peroxide is safe for dogs. And, I mean, Neosporin should be fine, too, I think? I looked in to it and all the sources I found said that it’ll be good. I mean, not as good as the actual stuff that vets use, but at least this way maybe it’ll hurt a little less for now.”

*Pidge carefully creeps up behind him to get a better look at the dog in question. There, stretched out on the towels, is this mottled little mutt pup. Can’t be older than six, maybe seven, months, judging by how small it is. The little thing is mostly light grey but has little cloud-like splotches of tan-orange and white spots all over. In specific, she notices there are two tan-orange spots right above it’s big brown eyes. It’s left ear looks pretty ragged, with a good chunk taken out of it. The cut is too smooth to be an injury from another animal, though, which is a bit distressing. Additionally, there are some marks on its hind quarters and tail like it got clawed up by something. The pup lifts it’s head and stares at Pidge, letting out this quiet little rumble, trying to be threatening.*

*Newt cocks his head at the puppy.* “What’s wrong, buddy? Do you see something?” *He turns and then freezes when he sees her.* “Mom…”

“Hey, buddy. Wanna introduce me to your friend?” *She makes sure to be calm, betraying nothing, as she indicates the pooch with a tilt of her head.*

*He looks at her and then back at the pup, his shoulders slumping but still reaching out to lightly scratch behind the little guy’s good ear.* “You’re gonna call the shelter to take him, aren’t you?”

*Pidge watches him for a moment, shifting to kneel beside him. She slowly offers her hand to the pup, who sniffs before giving her fingers a timid lick. She smiles a bit. The little guy is highly apprehensive, and has seen a lot of awful things, but he clearly trusts and cares about Newt.* “Did you name him?”

“I like calling him Smog, because of how his spots look like puffs of smoke.” *Newt’s voice cracks a bit and his eyes get a little watery, already anticipating the heartache of letting him go.*

*Pidge takes a deep breath before pulling out her phone, dialing a number, and waiting as it rings. She reaches out and gently rubs between his shoulders with her free hand but he doesn’t relax at all, staying focused on his furry friend.*

“Hey. I was just about to call; where’d you go?” *Keith, sounding a bit confused.*

“Sorry, I just needed to check something out. You’re not busy right now, right?” *She hums, trying to keep the smile off her face as Newt jerks to attention at hearing his dad on the other end.*

“Nah, just finished verifying the budget Adwru sent me. Why?”

“Can you do me a favor, and make sure the back of the van is cleared out? We need to make a trip to Dr. Valencia and I want to make sure Smog is comfy.”

*Newt’s eyes get wide at the mention of the doctor, as he’s the vet they take Cosmo to.*

“Wait, Dr. Valencia? Smog?”

“I promise I’ll explain everything in a bit, but can you just make sure the van’s ready?”

“Need me to call Dr. Valencia, too?”

“No, I can get that. Thanks, babe.”

*The minute she hangs up Newt throws himself at her, hugging her and saying “Thank you” over and over. She smiles and gently kisses the top of his head, giving him a squeeze back. After he’s a bit calmer, she calls Dr. Valencia’s office and they agree to take them in once they get there. Smog doesn’t have any damage to his paws, so he can walk just fine, and he pads along beside Newt like a little duckling.*

“Now, Newt, I want you to understand that you’re gonna be responsible for him. You’ll need to train him, and feed him, and you’ll need to make sure that he doesn’t mess with his scrapes and stuff, okay? This is a big responsibility, but I think you’re ready for it.”

“I will! I’m gonna take really good care of Smog!” *He’s absolutely giddy, the happiest she’s seen him in a while. It’s clear that she’s just made his whole year and she can’t help but be incredibly glad. She likes it better when her kids are happy.*

She explains everything to Keith when they get home and, after taking a look at the little guy, he agrees that they can keep him; he does, however, state that in exchange for keeping him, Newt’s not allowed to beg them to keep any other injured animals he might find. In the end, turns out that Smog is, indeed, only six months old. The injuries on his flank and tail, Dr. Valencia surmises, are most likely from getting caught under a fence trying to get away from wherever he was before. He has to wear the Cone of Shame for a while, to avoid him biting at them as they heal, but Newt is attentive to looking after him, just like he promised.

Once he’s well enough, Newt starts working on training him, and he includes Cosmo in it. Cosmo had been mostly ambivalent to the other canine when he arrived but had been a bit stand-offish with how much attention Newt was lavishing the little pup with at first. Once Smog’s all clear, Newt makes sure to give them as equal amounts of attention as he possibly can, and he includes Cosmo in Smog’s training so that he doesn’t feel ignored. He’ll have Cosmo do a specific trick a couple times – and receive pets and treats for his good examples – and then try to get Smog to copy him. Training Smog takes some time, but Pidge and Keith are floored by how diligent and patient their son is with his new pet. When he said he was going to take good care of the pooch, he meant it.

Once he has Smog and Cosmo to look after, he starts to do a bit better about coming out of his shell and interacting with other people more. He takes both dogs with him to a nearby dog park on the weekends and, through this, he makes friends with some of the other doggy parents over their shared status as animal lovers; a few of which are actually in his class and allows them to finally see past their own preconceived notions about him. Keith thinks he might have had mild social anxiety due to his bullying that is quelled a bit by having a point to better branch out and forge friendships through.

Now, in regards to Newt’s social life, he’s always been included by Amber and Kaden’s friends, but he never really considered them his friends. He always just felt like they were his siblings’ friends and they were just humoring him. Additionally, he always did have one friend in Hunk and Shay’s daughter, Morganite, but this was another friendship that he always thought was kind of forced by their parents. In all actuality, Morganite actually really admires Newt’s intelligence and willingness to so openly speak his mind; while she isn’t as timid and easily-unnerved as her older brother, Richter, she is a much more docile sort.

As Newt’s social circle expands to friends of his own, independent of his siblings, he realizes that she really is a great friend and actually apologizes for ever thinking less. She happily accepts and the two just kinda fall into their usual routine of amicable silence with the occasional break for playful banter.

In regards to additional activities Newt ends up participating in, he joins the local scout troop for a whooping two days before realizing that there’s a lot more outside to the activities than research on animals. He’ll occasionally refer to himself as an ex-scout, which results in Kaden making teasing comments about how quickly he was dispatched. Aside from that, he ends up helping out at the local shelter as often as he can, joins the Yearbook Committee, and ends up on the Debate Club. The only problem with the Debate Club is how verbally vicious he gets when proving someone wrong; despite this, the school still lets him compete because he’s their star team member.

There’s this one kid, named Zane, on the other top team that he can’t stand, because the kid is so pompous and arrogant and thinks he’s unbeatable. One time, at a match against Zane and his team, he showed up wearing a shirt with writing in Galra on it. He proudly informed both Zane and the referee that it said, “Dear Zane, Your mother wishes she swallowed you.”

Pidge thinks it’s hilarious. Keith gives not only him, but Nana Olia, a lecture about sportsmanship and respect. This is not the last time Keith has to direct this lecture at his youngest son.

That’s a wrap on him! Now let’s get on to the resident songbird, Aria Emma Kogane!

So, what kind of goofy trivia do we have on this girlie? She loves all colors but she specifically loves pastel hues of anything. Her favorite animals are tigers and bats, but she says that Muffin is her most favorite animal in the whole wide world. Her favorite foods are chicken wraps and pork chops. Her favorite dessert is rice crispy treats with chocolate drizzled on top. She shares this soft spot with Nanny Collie and loves getting to make them with her. Her favorite candies are Red Vines, which is something she actually has in common with Great Uncle Coran.

In regards to personality, Aria is an absolute heel-turn for the family. Where her siblings and parents are both vocal and strong personalities, she tends to air a bit more on the timid, modest side of things; at least when you first get to know her, anyway. Once she’s comfortable with you, or you ask her the right first question, she’ll be more than happy to talk your ears off. She inherits the excited rambling from the Holt side of the family, obviously. Additionally, she’s incredibly sociable and extremely transparent about her feelings. When she’s upset, everyone knows it and, depending on the severity of her distress, it can take quite a while to get her to cheer back up. Being the youngest, she tends to get a bit more coddled by not only their parents, but her siblings as well.

Excluding Newt, of course, but we’re gonna put a pin in that fact for now.

Her preference towards pacifism tends to make her a target for bullies, for the opposite reasoning as with Newt. The kids that go after Aria do so because they expect no retaliation; and, if they choose to bully her away from the watchful eyes of any of her siblings, they’ll typically get away with it. She really hates conflict and violence, and she dislikes making any of her siblings upset. She knows that telling them about what’s going on with her will only make them mad and lead to big fights between them and her bullies, so she typically tries to keep her mouth shut. Despite being bullied every so often, Aria gets along with most of the kids she goes to school with. Most of her bullies are bigger kids looking for easy targets, so she’s able to find solidarity and companionship with some of the other younger kids that get the same treatment.

As she gets older, her opinion and approach to conflict changes a bit, but that’ll be something else to remember for later times.

She’s an incredibly creative kid, with a vast imagination and a deep passion for the finer nuances of playing dress-up. She’ll create intricate, elaborate backstories for all her stuffed animals before the start of every play session and, as implied before, she takes it very seriously. Whenever a member of the family gets roped into playing with her, she’ll give them the full run down of all the specifics behind the inner workings of the stories she has crafted into one another. It’s a little exasperating, but her family also finds it incredibly endearing. Her favorite game to play is Detective Fairy Princess Aria, working as a magical detective with the help of her faithful dinosaur partner, Deputy Muffin.

Aria, much like the rest of the family, has quite a lot of smarts that she makes use of in the most bizarre of instances. One time, she used two devices Pidge invented – one being a device that magnified the gravitational pull of whatever it was attached to, and a small gun that fired a spider web-esque material – to trap Newt under a spare laundry bin and stick Kaden to the ceiling during a game of play-pretend. Her brothers were absolutely gob smacked. Her parents and sister were rather impressed. Additionally, she has perfect pitch and can much more easily adjust her own singing to match, as well as being very skilled at picking up new languages as she gets older. Before the age of twelve, she’s well-versed in French and Italian, dabbles in a little bit of Galran, and really wants to start learning Spanish.

In regards to her musical prowess, she learns how to play piano from Keith, as well as taking an interest in the cello. Due to her having perfect pitch, she learns how to tune her instrument by ear pretty quickly so she can practice much easier at home. She loves taking the time to tinker with the tuning and correct the sound of her cello, then losing herself in practicing her sheet music. She also likes to practice her pieces for the choir as well.

In regards to extra-curricular activities, Aria ends up going into orchestra and choir, as predictable as those are. She also, however, ends up joining the drama club and cheer-leading squad once she gets to middle school. Participating in these helps get her out of her shell, making her more confident, and makes her significantly more outgoing. She ends up being in the top-ranking choir the school has and auditions for any solo that she can so she can test her skills. She also enjoys participating in the drama club productions, but she tends to audition more for secondary roles just because she’s a little less confident in her acting chops compared to her singing pipes; she will, however, audition for the lead in the cases of them doing a musical.

So, her relationship with her siblings! I know I’ve already talked about it with all the other kids, but I want to keep talking about it here because, as I’ve already established, I have no self-control. She goes to Amber a lot for advice about her friends and such as she gets older and, in her younger years, Amber will occasionally indulge in her elaborate games of pretend. Aria and Kaden have an incredibly close bond, with the two of them able to enjoy one another’s companionable silence. Once she starts getting more interested in her drama club activities, he’ll also help her most often with her line-reads. She and Newt have a strange relationship up until two specific points; Newt starting to develop more friendships due to his having both Cosmo and Smog, and Aria becoming more self-confident due to her musical performances.

The triggering event for their dynamics chance occurs during a weekend where the kids are left home alone while Keith and Pidge are out of town for their wedding anniversary. They leave Amber in charge as a test, since the kids have been insisting that they can handle themselves without the need of a babysitter. The kids are 17, 14, 12 and 10 respectively. From the moment they’re gone, however, Kaden and Newt take to being absolutely terrorists. They refuse to listen to any of the rules in place, or take Amber seriously when she tries to rein them in. This all comes to a head Sunday morning when, after the two tearing up the house with their friends all weekend and throwing a huge party with said friends, they refuse to help with cleaning when Amber wants to get started.

Some nasty things are said because, while they’re all close, they are still siblings and that’s just something that occasionally happens. Newt is particularly awful in the snide comments he makes, going out of his way to undermine Amber.

Amber, who had been struggling to maintain composure throughout the weekend between upcoming exams and other obligations which we’ll get into in the next part, ends up having a breakdown and locks herself in her room. This is the point where Aria breaks and steps in, taking charge and showing she has more of that Kogane-Holt spirit.

*Aria watches Amber disappear upstairs, a trash bag in one hand, then turns and glares at the boys.* “What is wrong with you two?”

*Kaden blinks then turns and heads towards the kitchen.* “Oh, calm down. We’ll clean up after breakfast.”

“Yeah. I need some cereal before I do anything to help out pwecious wittle Ber-Ber.” *Newt agrees, cupping his hands beside his cheek and batting his eyelashes as he speaks.*

*Kaden snorts a bit as he gets two bowls down.* “You’re acting like we have no intention of making sure that Mom and Dad come back to an intact house. If we don’t, they’ll never let us go sitter-free again for a weekend.”

“And they still aren’t going to. I’m telling them about all of this.” *Aria gestures to the scattered bits of junk food, spilled drinks and other such mess in the living room.*

*Kaden and Newt exchange glances before they start busting up laughing.* “Yeah, right! You won’t do anything!” *Newt’s sneering when he says this, leaning a bit closer to her.*

*Aria’s eyes suddenly spark with a new fire, blazing as she glares at him more ferociously. Instead of saying anything, she turns on her heels and disappears upstairs as well. The boys think that things are totally fine and have themselves a celebratory bowl of cereal. Meanwhile, Ari is making a very important call.*

*Keith perks up in the driver’s seat when Pidge’s phone starts chiming with the lyric-less version of The Cell Block Tango.* “Huh. Wasn’t expecting to hear from Ari so early.” *Pidge comments before accepting the call.* “Hey there, sweet pea. What’s up?”

“Mommy? I-I don’t want to bother you when you’re not home yet, but I didn’t know what else to do.” *Ari lays it on thick, adding sniffles and faked hiccups as if she’s crying. In actually she’s just sitting on the edge of her bed, kicking her feet lightly in the air.*

*Pidge sits a bit more upright immediately, adjusting the strap of her seatbelt.* “No, it’s okay. What’s going on? Are you and the others okay?” *Keith perks up and looks over, mouthing a quick ‘What’s going on?’ Pidge holds one finger up at him as she waits for Ari to elaborate.*

“W-Well, it’s Kaden and Newt. They threw a party last night while Amber was at a study session with some of her classmates. I told them not to, but they wouldn’t listen! They made a huge mess of the place, too! And then, this morning, they said awful things to Amber when she told them they needed to get it cleaned up before you two got home! Amber’s really upset in her room and they’re just laughing about it! I know I should have called Nana Olia or Nanny and Pappy but I just-!”

“Oh, sweetheart, no. It’s okay. You did the right thing calling us. We’ll deal with your brothers. For now, you just check on your sister and make sure she’s doing alright, okay? Dad and I will be home in less than two hours, judging the traffic, so you two just stay out of the way until we get there, okay?” *Pidge speaks in a soft and reassuring tone. She looks over at Keith, holds up her middle and index fingers – they’ve developed a code using their fingers, sans thumbs, to signify which kids they’re referencing – and then makes a slit throat gesture. Keith lets out a small swear, knowing this means the boys are in trouble. He’d been hoping the kids would behave themselves while they were gone.

“Thank you, Mommy. I love you both.”

“Love you too, Ari. We’ll see you soon.” *The minute they’re off the phone, Ari darts to the basement to put the next part of her plan in motion. Meanwhile, Pidge loads up her phone and sends a request to Kaden for a video call.*

*The boys see the phone lighting up, see who is calling, and immediately start losing their shit. They know that they probably shouldn’t answer it, because they’re thinking that Pidge tried calling Amber first and didn’t get an answer, which means they’re already going to be on high alert. But if they don’t answer the call, then they’re gonna get in even worse trouble for not answering and making their parents worry even more.*

*Newt is the one that bites the bullet and answers, making sure to turn the phone so that Pidge can only see the boys.*

“Hey, Mom. S’up?” *He asks, plastering on a tense smile.*

*Pidge, meanwhile, has a much better fake smile on her face.* “Not much, sweetie, just doing a check-in. How have things been this weekend at the house?”

“Oh, they’ve been – you know – uh, great! Absolutely great!” *He’s trying so hard to sound normal.*

“Oh yeah?”

“Totally! We know how to behave when you guys aren’t around, you know!” *Kaden chimes in, sounding only slightly less terrified than his brother.*

“Good, good. Been making sure to keep up on your chores?” *Pidge’s smile twitches at the corner, the only sign the boys get that reveals what’s actually going on.*

*The boys briefly exchange glances, because they know what this means. Kaden and Newt Kogane realize, in this moment, that they have made a grievous error in judgment.*

*Pidge makes them pan the camera over to how the kitchen and living room work, leading to her tearing them each a new one. She makes it clear they’re both grounded for two weeks from the television, the gaming consoles, and having free time on the computer; one week for being so disrespectful to their sister, and the other for the mess they have. She makes sure to let them know that they’ll get a third week tacked on if they come home and the house is still a pit.*

*The minute they get off the call, two sets of rubber cleaning gloves are tossed at them. They turn to see Ari leaning in the doorway, looking smugly satisfied as she examines the chipping green nail polish on her hand, five differently colored little drones floating beside her.* “Well, boys, sounds like you two should get to work. And don’t worry; the Rover Squad will be here to help keep you motivated.” *She says, her tone sugar and sweet and so devious it’s unnerving. The Rover Squad have been given the command to make sure they keep working until every spot of the house is immaculate and, if they stop, they’ll start blaring an ear-splitting noise until they start working again.*

While they get to work, she makes some waffles for herself and Amber, then takes the plates upstairs and joins her older sister in her room. They have breakfast, occasionally snorting at the sound of blaring alarms downstairs, and, once they’re done eating, Amber repaints Aria’s nails for her.

This reminds Kaden and Newt to not underestimate their baby sister. Despite being on the receiving end of her wrath, Newt realizes how clever his sister is, causing him to have further respect for her, and this is the point where his attitude towards her starts to shift.

Unlike her siblings, Aria is by far the most sociable of all the Kidgelings. She starts out befriending other kids that are bullied, but as she and the kids get older, she just ends up being the kind of person that others gravitate towards. It’s mostly because Aria’ is just so genuinely kind and sweet. She’s a charming little kid with plenty of admirers, both male and female. She has a couple of friends that she’s significantly closer to than others, naturally, but she does her best to be polite and respectful to everyone she meets.

In specific, she gets is really close to Raya and Coriander, two of Lance and Allura’s daughters, as well as Morganite, her older cousin Hikari, the daughter of Shiro and Matt. With Raya and Coriander, they bond over the typical “girly” hobbies, such as fashion and make-up and such. With Raya, she bonds over both fashion advice as well as Raya helping her with her cheerleading moves. Raya is the head cheerleader of the older girls’ squad and she’s always eager to help teach Ari higher level steps and moves to help her with her auditions for the next rank up. With Cori, it’s always fashion advice and helping her to determine what’s in and what isn’t. As they get older, Cori also helps her with doing her hair and make-up for her performances. Morganite is really skilled at making jewelry and other such accessories, which is something she helps to teach Ari to do as well. Hikari is a huge shutterbug, who loves taking pictures, recording videos and also does art/animation in her free time. She’ll always record Ari’s performances and, when she does animations, Ari will help her with voice acting/ composing original scores for her animated shorts.

That’s all for now! Keep an eye out for the continuation of this, and thank you so much for taking the time to give this a read! x3

[chants-de-lune]

@the-most-beautiful-broom told me to write this and I cannot say no to her. I needed something to break my writing slump all day and expounding upon my Zeke head canons did that  

Post 5x07: (1.5k)

a broken hallelujah 

“Some good came out of that,” Echo said to her.  “Diyoza’s let us into the ship.  Our collars aren’t tied to the church. We earned her trust.”  

Raven turned around, not giving her the satisfaction of accepting that the plan worked.  It was a Pyrrhic victory that she had  won with every blow they had put on that brilliant pilot.  

He was against the table they’d thrown him at, his breathing sharp.   She walked over, but the glare he sent in her direction stopped her dead in his tracks. 

She could not fall asleep that night, tossing and turning on her cot.  Shaw was lying down at the other end of the church, when just yesterday he probably had a comfortable bunk in the ship.  

She awoke early the next morning after a couple hours of fitful sleep, and the morning rays streaked through the cracked stained glass windows in the church.  She spotted Shaw close to the altar, on his knees with his hands clasped together, head bent and eyes shut.  

She came closer and heard his faint whispers.  

He was praying.  

An immediate wave of curiosity coursed through her head.  Religion hadn’t survived on the Ark, not unless Vera Kane’s hippie earth spiritualism counted.  So many scientists onboard had dissolved the population into agnostics and atheists. 

 Maybe there was a God, but no one was going to call out to Him for their safe return to the Ground. 

The swelling on Zeke’s face had gone down but the bruises were still there.   She knelt beside him.  “What do you want?” He asked in a raspy voice.   She stared at the floor, her voice feeling strained, and not by the collar.  

“Forgiveness.”

He huffed. 

“From who?”    She took a deep breath. 

“You, and perhaps whoever you’re praying to.”    He sighed, raising his head to stare at the fixtures hanging from the ceiling. 

“I have no idea who used to be here,” he murmured, “but a church is a church.” 

Raven chose her next words carefully.  

“My people gave up on religion. I wish they didn’t.” 

“Your people? The ones trying to kill us for being here?” He asked.  She shook her head. 

“There used to be more of us, thousands. But then our stations lost oxygen, we evacuated to Earth and got decimated.  Then we got killed by some of those people across the desert,” she sighed. “Only 100 of my people are in that bunker, if that.  Five went to space with me, and one stayed on the ground.” 

“Clarke,” he whispered after a pause, and she nodded. 

“So you can see why I’m in want of some friends,” she reached out, but he huffed. 

“Friends don’t sell each other out.”    Raven bit her lip.  

“I begged her not to, I know that means little.”  She exhaled before adding.  “I’m sorry.”   

She noticed his hands fidgeting, like he needed something to hold.  

“In the military, they train you not to hold grudges.  And since, well… I can’t call you the enemy with that collar on your neck,” his gaze raked over her in a way that made her shiver.  “I’m not sure what to feel.”  

He sat back on his heels.  “Worst part is that Diyoza confiscated my stuff. Not sure when I’m even getting a change of clothes.”  He managed half a smile with his split lip and Raven gave him a full one in return, her heart beating a little faster at how his eyes immediately dropped to her lips.  

“Hopefully-“  

“Hey you!”  Echo’s shrill tone disrupted her thoughts.  She put a hand out to Zeke for him to stay put, walking over to where Echo was standing. 

“What?” She asked through gritted teeth.  Echo cocked an eyebrow. 

“Stop fraternizing.  I need your help.”

“With what? We did the mission,” her eyes were completely cold, earning her a frown from Echo.  

“Now we have the next step, I’ve gained Diyoza’s trust, now I’m gonna look around her private chamber on the ship, and see what I can find.” 

“Risk getting caught? You’re crazy,” Raven said in a furious whisper.  

“I’m trying to be good at my job,” hissed Echo. She pulled Raven outside of the church.  “I’ve already memorized the guard rotations.  Diyoza will be outside interviewing defectors for the next twenty minutes, we have to move NOW.” 

Raven gritted her teeth again, catching Echo’s arm right before they stepped away from the church. 

“Once this is over, I’m telling Bellamy what you did,” she snarled.  “And I’ll let him decide if you’re turning back into the same traitor who got his first girlfriend killed.”   

The threat falls hard, and she sees Echo’s eyes widen.  Good, Raven thinks, although she isn’t sure why she needed vindication.  

They casually strolled through the village, and when the window of opportunity was open, they slipped inside the ship.  

“Just stand by the door and keep watch,” said Echo, riffling through files in a desk.  “I know what I’m looking for.” 

Raven shrugged, her eyes roaming around the small room.  There was a rack set up in the corner with an array of metal boxes stacked, similar to the ones they had in Arkadia.  

She took a step away from the door, scrutinizing them.  

There was a label on the one nearest her, and it  read LT. M. SHAW. 

Her eyebrows shot up, and she quickly scanned her surroundings: her partner was reading something intently, and the hallway was completely clear.  No shouts on the radio.  

Raven closed the door silently and went over to the rack.  Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the box,  intrigued about what she could discover on her mysterious pilot.  

Underneath his spare uniform, his collection was sparse.  A battered copy of My Side of the Mountain, which she handled with care.  A black iPod, similar to the one Jasper carried after Mount Weather.   

And then there was a cube.  She laughed a little when she took it out, the colorful faces standing out in the dim light of the office.  

A Rubik’s cube.  She had seen them in the data files on the Ark but any that were brought up before the bombs had long been scrapped for parts.   She stared at it, utterly fascinated as she tested it to see if the rows still slid cleanly.  

“Raven!” Echo snarled from the desk.  “What are you doing?”  

“Multitasking,” Raven fired back, picking up the box as she stood.  She was about to put it away and go back to her post when something small twinkled in the light.  She reached into the corner of the box and pulled out a string of beads, a crucifix dangling from it.  

The beads were made of painted red wood, linked together with a silver chain and an icon pressed on the piece extending towards the crucifix.   She brought the beads up to her nose and inhaled.  Scented, like sandalwood, if she had to hazard a guess.   These were valuable.  

“He’s a Catholic,” murmured Raven, her mind flashing to a vague memory she had of her grandmother praying on a similar chain before she died.  Before Raven’s mother took it and pawned it for alcohol credits.  

“He’s a what?” snapped Echo.  Raven clenched her fist and shut the lid of the box. 

 “Nothing,” she murmured, pacing back to the door and cracking it open a little.  There were shadows in the main entry.   “I think it’s time we get out of here. Did you find what you wanted?”  

Echo nodded.  “ I think so.” 

And then they crept into the shadows.  

Raven waited till dusk to approach Zeke again.  

“Where have you been?” He asked, his tone neutral.   She shrugged. 

“Nowhere special, we’re stuck here.”   He huffed again, and it was probably the closest she would ever get to a laugh.  

“Here is special, compared to the space rock I was on for years.”  

 Part of her is nagging to learn more about his past, but this next part was the most delicate step, and she couldn’t screw it up with an impulse.  

“Look, we both know we’re two of the smartest people here,” she said.  “Our ten hour hacking game kinda proved that.”   His mouth pulled into a slight smile, and her shoulders sag in relief.  

“We have our loyalties, but neither of us truly belong to the people fighting over this valley,” she whispered, stepping closer.  He turned to her, attention fully fixed on her eyes. 

“Forgiveness may take a while, I get that.”  She took a breath and clasped his hand in both of hers, rubbing her thumb over the broken skin on his knuckles.  “But perhaps all I need is a little faith.”  

His eyes were bearing into hers, hard.  She held his gaze.  

“I’m getting you out of this fray alive, Lieutenant Shaw.”  

She nodded once, then she walked away, leaving him standing there with a rosary curled in the palm of his hand.