#i was like man what the hell its not bland with bad singing its a good song the singing is interesting . i like it

[marklikely]

harrowing experience yesterday where my friend and i debated whether or not "Closer" was a good song and it went on for like. way too long before we realized that i was talking about the nine inch nails song and they were talking about the god awful chainsmokers song.

[favberrys]

Glee unpopular opinions that probably would get me hated

I prefer faberry over brittana

I think that the quinntana hook up didn't make sense at all and they just threw it in there to make ppl who wanted quinn to be a lesbian/wanted faberry canon shut up, i would have liked quinn exploring her sexuality but sadly this storyline was never realized and they brushed the whole thing off by making quinn say "i think its just one time thing for me" or something like that. It could have been a great chance to have another lgbt character on the show and they wasted it.

Klaine was really annoying as a couple, i really couldn't stand them half of the time, but the characters taken individually are not bad. I think they brought the worst out of each other.

Finn was one of the worst characters on the show, i really dislike him, probably one of the characters i hate the most on glee. Personally i don't see this big character development most of you say he has, he kept being an immature manchild who treated rachel like shit (violently beating up brody???? Wtf was that crazy act of jeaulousy/possessiveness) and made ableist comments. And don't even let me start about what he did to santana HE LITERALLY OUTED SOMEONE and called kurt a slur, as a lesbian i can't forgive something like that, there's a limit to everything bro. Everyone makes mistakes, but he fucked up too many times.

Fabrevans is a super bland ship

Rachel was a better performer than kurt, im sorry but i just hate the way he sings (nothing against chris, i just don't appreciate his unique voice)

S4 is not bad at all, it has really great songs and the storyline if fun and interesting, its nice that they did something new by describing the gleeks life in college. Maybe i like it bc im attending university, so i find it relatable. S5 and s6 suck ass and are terrible.

I don't think glee should have ended in s3, but it should have ended with a fourth season. They should have made a whole season dedicated to show how the gleeks life was after high school WITHOUT introducing new shallow characters that no one cared about

Rachel had more chemistry with santana, quinn, hell even with cassandra july than with finn or any other man.

Brittany is a pretty flat and uninteresting character, they should have given her more development, i never really cared much about her bc they wrote her off as a comic relief with no other personality trait besides saying random shit to make ppl laugh.

I don't care about tina, mike, artie, puck and mercedes

Marley was the only newbie i liked, both jake and rider were annoying, the love triangles get really tiring at some point

Mercedes is a great perfomer and i love when she sings, but her character doesn't make me feel anything, im not attached to her and i find her a little annoying sometimes, stan twt made me dislike her

Santana and Quinn were never friends, they literally spended the whole time destroying each other and putting each other down, i never felt love/affection between them, their friendship was terrible. I hc as friends in my mind but they have a whole different relationship than what its portrayed in the show. I don't like their canon friendship

I like pezberry a lot, they're a good enemies to lovers/ enemies with benefits ship

Santana had more chemisty with quinn and rachel than with brittany, i respect brittana's impact on sapphic rep and they were a beautiful couple, but i could never feel the sparkle/the passion between them.

Blam > klaine

Actually almost every non canon ship was better than the canon ships lmao

As much as you all hate rachel she was the one who putted more effort into making glee work, she was the one who practiced the most and cared the most about the club.

The male characters are trash, like do be 🤢

The warblers were so boring, i never got the hype about them, probably bc im a lesbian and seeing a bunch of boys singing acapella doesn't do much for me. On the contrary i quite liked the troubletones.

There should have been more sapphic characters

S2 > s1 > s3 > s4 > s5 > s6 thats the order from best to worst seasons

I think rachel overreacted when she discovered santana was her understudy, but honestly after being bullied for years by santana, i understand why she went nuts and was paranoid about losing her role as mc. A friendship of few months doesn't cancel years of bullying and rivalry overnight.

[charmustdie]

haikyuu boys’ music tastes bc i got very bored

KARASUNO

hinata - definitely a rex orange county stan, like mellow indie songs and a bit of pop as well 

favourite song: sunflower - rex orange county

kageyama - INDIE ROCK, he comes across as a bit of a music snob bc he doesnt like pop but he secretly vibes to the black eyed peas when he’s home alone

favourite song: i bet that you look good on the dancefloor - arctic monkeys

tsukishima - a lot of pop punk and generic rock, he never rlly had an emo phase but appreciates the genius of patrick stump and matt bellamy with the enthusiasm of a former emo

favourite song: saturday - fall out boy

yamaguchi - THE EMO PHASE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE, he was definitely a my chem stan in middle school, but now he also listens to the same kind of music as hinata, so his taste is broad

favourite song: early sunsets over monroeville - my chemical romance

tanaka - he has the most obnoxious music taste ever but it all lowkey slaps, like u could trust him with the aux as long as u dont mind pitbull and hollywood undead at full volume

favourite song: DONTTRUSTME - 3OH!3

nishinoya - pretty much the same taste as tanaka, they share playlists all the time

favourite song: international love - pitbull (THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE)

asahi - hear me out, he LOVES old music, like 70s disco and dad rock. if you play abba he WILL sing along badly

favourite song: how deep is your love - bee gees

sugawara - definitely has very generic music taste, like just regular 2000s pop (despite having an emo phase in the past) but he definitely stans beyonce and lady gaga a little too much

favourite song: boom boom pow - black eyed peas

daichi - also v generic music taste but i KNOW this man listens to country music when he goes on long drives

favourite song: classic - mkto

AOBA JOHSAI

oikawa - he’ll listen to anything but britney spears is his queen n i love that for him

favourite song: if u seek amy - britney spears

iwaizumi - very much just generic workout music, like it’s very predictable but all goes so hard for no reason

favourite song: come with me now - kongos

kyoutani - he’s still in his emo phase n its BAD, like hes at THAT point in his emo phase (u know the one)

favourite song: you only live once - suicide silence

kindaichi - im sorry but his music taste is probably SO BLAND

favourite song: thinking out loud - ed sheeran (HAHAJIJFJDKGHRIF IM SORRY KINDAICHI)

kunimi - either like hyperpop/nightcore or like,,, HEAVY rock. no inbetween

favourite song: ghost rule - DECO*27

NEKOMA

kuroo - a healthy mix between fuckboy music and alt rock

favourite song: everywhere i go - hollywood undead

kenma - honestly he probably listens to video game soundtracks, like when he goes jogging with the team he’s playing rooftop run act 1 through his skullcandy earbuds

favourite song: my ordinary life - the living tombstone

lev - literally everything, like he has zero preference at all, it’s anarchy in that man’s spotify

favourite song: september - earth, wind and fire

yaku - a bit of everything but he has an inexplicable fondness for midwest emo despite never having had an emo phase

favourite song: blue eyes like the devil’s water - mccafferty

inuoka - probably pretty similar to tanaka and noya but more wholesome if that makes sense??

favourite song: growl - exo

FUKURODANI

bokuto - either genuinely amazing songs or the stupidest stuff he could find in the depths of the internet (once akaashi caught him unironically listening to the “cat, im a kitty cat” song from like 2008)

favourite song: juice - lizzo

akaashi - very mellow, almost bittersweet songs. like konoha has looked through his spotify and was quite concerned

favourite song: talking to the moon - bruno mars

konoha - probably pretty similar to kuroo’s music taste tbh

favourite song: gives you hell - all-american rejects

SHIRATORIZAWA

ushijima - honestly he probably doesnt listen to much music unless tendou makes him but he has a couple of rlly old songs that he likes

favourite song: what a wonderful world - louis armstrong

tendou - one look at this man’s spotify n you KNOW he’s unhinged, like his playlists are the embodiment of mental illness

favourite song: lights out - mindless self indulgence

goshiki - aw he thinks he’s so cool, he has the playlists of a 13 yr old who just developed an individuality complex and honestly i love that for him

favourite song: bang bang - green day

shirabu - this mf listens to nothing but rage music and honestly i don’t blame him

favourite song: true friends - bring me the horizon

semi - god his spotify is BUSSIN, like his playlists are always IMMACULATE with the perfect mix of everything

favourite song: be nice to me - the front bottoms

INARIZAKI

atsumu - fuckboy music. that’s it. like he’s so annoying when he has the aux but he has a couple of bangers that are absolutely worth it

favourite song: 24K magic - bruno mars

osamu - very similar to kags tbh, a lot of indie rock and he resents atsumu’s music taste lmao

favourite song: iris - goo goo dolls

suna - a good middleground between tendou and osamu’s tastes, like he’s unhinged but make it lowkey

favourite song: bloody mary - lady gaga

aran - i just know this man has some fantastic playlists, like he definitely has the best music taste of everyone on the team

favourite song: supermassive black hole - muse

kita - mellow asf but like it almost makes u worry, like how is he so calm, surely he’s gotta snap at some point

favourite song: corduroy dreams - rex orange county

I CBA TO GO BY SCHOOLS ANYMORE

terushima - all types of rock but he listens to classic punk n its just PURRRRRR

favourite song: too drunk to fuck - dead kennedys

koganegawa - i have no idea what’s going on in his spotify but whatever it is, it’s a vibe

favourite song: discord - the living tombstone

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[aibari]

safe returns

a @destielsecretsanta2020 gift for @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover

notes: this fic is set after the s15 finale. there’s a bit of canon-typical grief at  the start, but this is a fix-it fic :)

read on ao3

Afterwards, the world knits itself back together slowly, like broken bones healing. People come back to their loved ones, but not all at once, filing in gradually. Dean guesses they've had a long way to go. Wherever the hell they went, when Chuck had punted them out of existence.

So it's a slow and gradual thing, and it sucks. He catches himself out constantly, thinking that maybe -

And then Sam will give him a concerned look, so understanding and careful it makes him feel like he's been skinned alive.

And he knows by now what that feels like.

Anyway, the point is that while people are still coming back, he can't quite let go of the thought that Cas might, too. Even if he's in the Empty. Even if it's dumb as hell to think that it could ever -

So. The thought sits in his chest like a tumor metastasizing, like a rusty fishhook, like a birdcage. Hope is a thing with feathers, or however the fuck that saying goes.

He can't think about it for too long. If he does, he starts needing a drink, starts to feel his jaw lock up. Can't touch it, or he'll slice his fingers open.

So instead of thinking about it, he joins a pie eating competition. Goes on a series of hunts with Sam that all resolve easy. Drinks beer and sleeps in motels and eats greasy diner food, and it's familiar in a way that's both familiar and deeply fucking depressing if he lets himself think about it. He's forty-one, he's helped defeat God, and he's still doing this shit? Does he even know how to be anything else? Does he have it in him?

Six months after the end of Chuck, the stream of people showing back up slows to a trickle and then dries up. Dean takes his fragile hope and buries it as deep as it will go.

So it goes.

-

He dreams about Cas, which is business as usual. Dreams with Cas used to mean something, and maybe that something was covert fraternization and angel politics, most of the time, but it was Cas. Now it's just trauma. Dean sits on their bench, and Cas sits next to him, and Cas says:

Because you cared, I cared.

And Dean says:

Don’t do this, Cas.

And then he starts to choke, words and letters pushing up against the back of his throat like yesterday's dinner.

Cas is still talking, words fading in and out like a radio with bad reception, and his hand rests heavy on Dean's arm, and he says:

"Dean."

And then Dean wakes up, gasping, staring up at the water-stained motel room ceiling.

The handprint on his shoulder burns.

He stumbles into the bathroom to splash water on his face and then stands there, hands clutching the edges of the sink, staring blankly at his own reflection.

There's a pull in his chest, tethered somewhere under his ribs.

He takes a deep breath, and then another.

Then he wakes up Sam, who groans and then squints at him in the half-dark of the room. The light of the neon sign outside paints a violet streak across his cheek.

“Dean, what -?” Sam says. “What’s going on, what time is it?”

“Don’t worry your sweet little head about it, Sammy,” Dean says. “Just got a little something to take care of, so I’m heading out.”

Sam frowns at him. “What do you mean, out?”

“What are you, some kind of detective?”

“Dean,” Sam says, with the kind of heavy, long-suffering bitchiness that means he’s gonna get passive aggressive about it.

Dean doesn’t have that kind of time. “I’m going to Minnesota and I’m gonna have to go there alone.”

Sam opens his mouth to say something.

“Don’t say anything, Sam,” Dean grits out.

“I wasn’t gonna,” Sam says, like a liar. 

Dean rolls his eyes at him and starts packing. It takes about a minute; it’s not like any of them ever really unpack.

There’s a joke in there, somewhere, Dean thinks, jaw clenching despite himself.

“Dean,” Sam says from behind him. Dean freezes in the middle of stuffing a t-shirt into the bag, unable to turn around and look at him.

“What,” he asks, stiff like set concrete.

“Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Sam says, like he has his own ideas about where Dean is going. “Promise me, alright?”

“Sure,” Dean says. It’s a like, but he’s pretty sure they both know it.

It’s not like he even knows where he’s going, exactly.

He doesn’t even know what he’s going there for. He just knows that he has to.

He finishes packing and they say their goodbyes. Sam bitches about it when he takes the impala, but Eileen will be coming up later in the day to discuss some kind of hunt developments. Sam will be fine.

Whether or not Dean will be fine might be a different question.

He’ll figure it out.

-

He takes the I-35 up through Illinois and Iowa, barely stopping to take a piss. The burn of the handprint has settled into something gentler, but it still throbs in a telltale heart rhythm. He thinks about Cas, at the end, standing tall and telling Dean that he loved him.

It makes his jaw go tight.

He turns up the music. It’s Creedence, and he sings along as hard as he can stand, white-knuckling the wheel.

“That’s real healthy,” he murmurs to himself in the space between songs, but it does help to have something in the car that isn’t his own thoughts, his own fuck-ups and messes.

The closer he gets to Minnesota, the stronger the pull gets.

He’s playing with fire, not doing the research and going in solo like this. Whatever’s pulling at him could be freaking anything.

But it won’t be.

He knows that for sure, even if he doesn’t know exactly what it is.

He just has a feeling.

-

After he crosses state lines the final time, rolling on into Minnesota, he stops at a diner for dinner. He gets a burger and fries, and by this point he is so full of whatever thing is pulling him forward it’s hard to stop moving. His ribcage feels like it’s full of bees.

He keeps thinking about Cas.

“This is you, isn’t it,” he murmurs. “Whatever’s happening here. It’s about you.”

No-one answers him, but he’s used to that by now.

He can fill a silence like nobody’s business, so he launches into a rambling review of the music on the regional radio station, (bland enough to give Wonderbread a run for its money,) the scenery (cold and snowy), and the present company (non-existent; please, Cas, come back to me).

The waitress keeps looking at him funny. When he goes to leave, she won’t let him pay. For a second, he thinks she might be interested, but then she gives him a soft, sad look and tells him about how her partner had taken months longer than her to come back, and that she understands what he’s going through, that he shouldn’t give up hope, and then he has to go.

-

He sits in the parking lot for a while, hands on the steering wheel, wishing he’d paid more attention to the mindfulness kick Sam’s been on for the past month.

He can’t stop thinking about the look on Cas’ face, right before -

Fuck.

If he were in any other car, he’d be punching the dashboard.

He turns up the music again instead, and wipes his face, and gets back to driving.

So it goes.

-

He stops at a motel by the interstate and stumbles out the morning after to a bright winter’s day. The sky is blue enough that he has to squint against it; the snow crunches under his boots. With every breath, the cold air knifes down his throat.

He follows the pull of his invisible line.

-

The forest is quiet. The snow muffles all sound but the crunch of his boots, which reverberate like gunshots. Dean makes a quick mental inventory of Minnesota monsters. He’s unprepared for most of them; if any of them show up, or if this is a trap, he’ll be up shit creek. He’d probably deserve it, too, coming here like this.

He walks for hours, pulled forward, chest sweetly aching and handprint throbbing to the beat of his own heart.

By the time he reaches the field, he’s almost lost track of time.

It’s just a large, empty space. If it hadn’t been covered in snow in the middle of winter, it’d make a sweet concert space.

There’s no-one else here, but -

(something in his chest wrenches)

-then there is.

A man in a trenchcoat stumbles into the clearing, and Dean knows him. He knows him, with a bright and certain rush of heat that leaves him breathless.

“Cas!” he yells, and hears the answering, “Dean!” and then he’s running and laughing and tearing up at the same time. He’s a mess, but he can’t help it, couldn’t stop it if he tried. They meet in the middle and it’s like a scene from Love freaking Actually, hugging each other tightly and spinning each other around. Cas smells like petrichor and ozone and day-old sweat. The stitching on his coat is rough and reassuring under Dean’s fingers. He never wants to let him go.

“Thank you,” Cas says, serious as a freshly dug grave, “for meeting me.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, buddy,” Dean says. Then he leans back a little to look Cas properly in the eye. “Cas,” he says. “Earlier. I said the wrong thing.”

Cas gives him an expectant look. His hands are fisting into Dean’s coat. “What did you want to say, Dean?”

The way he says his name makes Dean shudder. He swallows thickly. “I. Back when you - I said don’t do this, but what I should have said was - me too, Cas.”

Cas tilts his head slightly to the side, like he’s confused by something. Dean had almost forgotten what shade of blue they were.

“What?” Dean asks, as softly as he can, which isn’t much. He’s not good at this. Not with Cas. Not yet, but hopefully - if he dares to hope - hopefully soon.

“You don’t have to humor me, Dean,” Cas says, stiffer than a freaking fridge magnet in a freezer. “I know I’m not what you -”

And Dean can’t stand hearing him finish that sentence, can’t stand not having them be on the same page.

“Alright, fuck this,” he says, and pulls Cas down into a kiss.

[beamsmom]

Fics I've written for sunakomo week 🌻 it's completed you can find em here

Day 1

Prompt: "it's nice to meet you"

Suna's POV 

A denim jacket over the shaggy sweatshirt that has life-changing lines imprinted on it, no gender just swag, that's what it reads, the broken amends of the crucified ripped jeans that my parents hate, I proudly wear those and I pick up my skate, glancing one last time in the mirror.

 "Uhh, how am I still single? " 

Yeah, my very first thought. 

I swirl around to some beats, throwing some TikTok dance steps. I open my window and slip down my skate in between my arms, trying to step out numb on my toes keeping it quiet as much as I can and my one foot trip on the roof and my body rolls down through the slanted wood and hugs the holy mother earth echoing a thudding sound while my limbs pain me down. 

I shouldn't be outside at this hour, wait what time is it again ?, gazing up at the sky I reckon the moon's position.

"It's 2 or 3 AM"

I embark on finding my skate and my eyes catch a scene that hurts me more than my back. 

Some dog is chugging on my skate. It isn't some normal dog, it's the most beautiful creature, a pitbull. That thing has the aura of some ragious God dog. I step forward and horror rapidly runs throughout my spin. 

What a great day. I spread my lips wider ready to start a fight with the dog's owner. I swivel my head on either side scavenging them.  I'm not really a ragious person but I'm off beat now and then and that's now and then is too often. 

I kneel and give the damned dog an astounding smile. " You aren't eating my skate, give me my skate, please" and the dog growls right at my face, rendering its sharp fangs, daring me to open my mouth again. I waved both hands in the air, accepting my defeat. 

Okay, somehow it appears mad, his eyes are red bloodshot and he leers ragious and that thing engraved its fangs deeper on my plain Rick and Morty mimed board. 

Ouch ouch ouch 

Enough with playing the nice guy, I'm gonna have to do what has to be done. I hold the other side of the skate and force it towards me. 

Why the hell is this small shit so strong? Why isn't his owner around?? 

"Give me my skate," I yell and it barks at me. 

"See dog-" it barks again but this time it's louder. 

"See, SIR, I'm already sneaking out, if you're barking, gonna wake my parents up, I'm going to be grounded for a couple of months and we don't want that, do we ?" 

"Give me my skate, you piece of sh-t, wait, once your owner gonna be here, they'll pay for your deeds, f-ckface" 

I hear someone from the back. I cocks my head in their direction. It's bland and dark. I can't see anything but a stepping silhouette and his voice sounds ethereal.

Why am I getting carried away, I have to yell at them? 

"I'm so sorry," he says, bowing down. 

A boy who is probably of my age, he's wearing a tee which goes as yes I'm wearing a meme and white sweatpants. Adorable.

"Wait-, you didn't give me a chance to be mad at you" I pour, crossing my hands at my chest. 

"What?" he obliviously stares at me through his lashes. 

"I mean, nothing" I choke up on my own words, and all of sudden my heart beats fast and it's about to come out of my mouth. His face, his damned face. I never thought it could be possible to feel this physical attraction to someone. Wait are we gay panicking over a stranger, yess most definitely we are. 

He hesitantly pierces his lips together and our eyes meet and I have always been competitive in everything, so I have no intention of breaking it. He twitches the corner of his mouth and walks towards me. He leans down, plucking the other side of the skate from my hand.

"Ponny, please baby take this out of your mouth, see I can't do this in the middle of a night, please, you're causing trouble to them" 

The dog finally let go of the skate and oh god and the condition of it. I can cry a river just right there. He pats his dog and puts back his leash.

He is too sweet, if it were my pet I probably would've yelled and snatched the thing away without even thinking. 

"Hey I'm so sorry, ponny can get hard sometimes. She's just too much to deal with, I'm so sorry, I'll pay for your skate"  his eyes are apologetic. He appeared genuinely upset about my skate. 

"No it's fine, I can fix it" I try to soothe him. Although I respectfully su-k at comforting people, it's the effort that counts. So bare with me.

"For real ?" He beams at me and I see sprinkles and stars in his eyes and oh man he's the human version of a golden retriever. 

~~a part of me want to pat his head so bad~~ 

"Yeah, I just have to change the board and repaint it" I replied, picking up my broken board.

"I can help you with that," he sings.

"Um, honestly you don't have to go through all that because of me" 

"No, no it's fine"

"Well, we can meet at my house after school, I guess"  

"Yeah sure," he enunciates.

"You know I used to have a pet as well" for the first time, I tried to hold a conversation with someone. So I thought it'd be great to tell him a story about my pet hamster.

"Yeah?" he replied, exhibiting a smile.

"His name was hamster" 

"You name your hamster, hamster," he asks and I nod in response, cause the choice I had was to either call him the rock or the hamster, I chose the one I liked the most.

"Well it was better than calling him the rock" 

He laughs and I catch myself staring. He is intriguing.

"I'm Komori motoya" he offers a handshake.

I take his all small fingers under my hand's embrace, "I'm suna rintaoru" 

"It's nice to meet you, rin-san" 

"It's nice meeting you too" 

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow ?" 

"Yeah you will" 

"Night komo" 

"Good night" 

I turn back and crash into someone," watch out moron" if I've known the words that are going to slip out of my mouth are my last words I would have chosen them more wisely. My mum is standing there, exhibiting no emotions, "rin". Oh god. 

"Hii mum, what are you doing outside at this hour," I say, trying to break the awkwardness creeping up in the environment. All of a sudden I can sense the humidity in the air, my shirt clings to tacitly on me. 

"You're grounded for a month," she warns. 

"Yes ma'am, wait it's like I can't go out but someone can come in, right ?" 

"Well, I guess" 

"Sure" 

She quirks a brow towards me, " have you found someone? I mean finding out romantically since you've never asked that question and I'm speaking from my experience of grounding you several times"

"Perhaps, that's something is for the future" 

"Don't get hurt, okay ?"

"Don't play the nice mom after grounding me for a month" 

She shakes her head and gestures to me to get back inside.

The end

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1982

Under the cut.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)" -- January 30, 1982

"Use the body/ Now you want my soul" is about the pop music industry. Hall & Oates had been around for a long time, and did best when they did their own thing rather than what the execs wanted. What's really great about this song, though, is the music. It's the sort of stripped-down Hall & Oates stuff at its best. I absolutely love the -- bells? Synth thing, I'm sure, but the little partial scale that comes in sometimes. And the bassline is great (Michael Jackson apparently used it later.) This music makes my brain happy.

J. Geils Band -- "Centerfold" -- February 6, 1982

Blech. This song disgusts me. He had a crush on a girl and so he thought she was his homeroom angel, only existing sexually for him and never for herself. So when he saw she had decided to pose naked for a magazine, his blood ran cold. Because how dare she be anything but that angel. Then he has a fantasy that later he'll take her to a hotel and take her clothes off. And he buys the magazine. Maybe by the end he gets over his virgin/whore dichotomy bullshit, but I doubt it.

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts -- "I Love Rock 'n Roll" -- March 20, 1982

"I could tell it wouldn't be long till he was with me yeah ME." I've never understood the women who complain that men don't like them to be the aggressors. In my experience, they love it. Channel Joan Jett, my dears. I love rock n' roll.

Vangelis -- "Chariots of Fire" -- May 8, 1982

This instrumental is the Olympics' anthem, so you've heard it an awful lot. It was written for a movie about two British men running in 1924. It looks very inspiring and all, as it's a true story, and one of the men was a Jewish guy who ran to overcome prejudice. It also looks kind of British triumphalist. I dunno, I'm not being fair as I haven't seen it, nor am I likely to. The song is very heartlifting and it's no wonder the Olympics chose it as theirs. Now I expect to see some ice skating.

Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder -- "Ebony and Ivory" -- May 15, 1982

It's a song about racial harmony. Those are out of style these days. Considering my extended family is multiracial and multireligious (is that a word?) and very much like any other family (but bigger), I'm fine with it. It's a pop song, so whatever. I'm not as forgiving of the simplistic music as I am of the simplistic lyrics. I wish there were more Stevie Wonder here musically and less Paul McCartney.

The Human League -- "Don't You Want Me" -- July 3, 1982

This song inspired the backstory of Lana and Rich Mann in my Sims 2 game. We know how that ended. Though the man in this song is much more attached to the woman, who's about to leave him. Scarily attached. I hope she has control of a satellite or two. It's an excellent New Wave story song. Which is interesting; New Wave had just as much potential with story songs as country music does.

Eye of the Tiger -- "Survivor" -- July 24, 1982

I can never hear this song the same way again after seeing the video. These nerdy guys striding downtown like they're on their way to a gang fight. To see who can code better, I'm guessing. Though at the time, what would it be? BASIC? The original C? Leaving the video behind, this is not a song I'm able to come to fresh. It's been used ironically in pop culture too much. I still like it, taken as seriously as I can, but that's not all that seriously.

The Steve Miller Band -- "Abracadabra" -- September 4, 1982

The Steve Miller Band never took themselves seriously, and that made them good. They were an excellent bar band. They're trying to be a synth band here, oddly along with love song lyrics that are more straightforward than usual for them. It doesn't work. If Dead or Alive had done this, with bigger production and Pete Burns' gutpunch of a voice, it could have worked. I don't know if Steve Miller really sounds uncomfortable, or if I'm projecting, but this is a mess.

Chicago -- "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" -- September 11, 1982

Even Catra eventually said she was sorry. What's this guy's excuse? He has no problem saying he'll make it up to the woman he's singing to, but seems to have no idea what "it" is anyway. And never actually says he's sorry. He also only really seems to care because he'll miss her body and sees her as "a part of me I can't let go." Musically it's uninteresting, but not terrible, and if the lyrics were okay the song would be okay. The lyrics are not okay. What's with people who won't say they're sorry, anyway? I need a research paper on this.

John Cougar -- "Jack and Diane" -- October 2, 1982

As time goes on in this list, and I can remember the songs better, I am going to get more and more unfair. I have heard this song, at minimum, three billion times. And not in 1982 -- no, it got constant radio play in the 90s. I cannot listen to it or think about the lyrics in any kind of even vaguely objective way. I hate it so very much.

Men At Work -- "Who Can It Be Now" -- October 30, 1982

This song, about being bothered so much by other people that you become paranoid, feels even more apt in the NSA era. But as someone who needs a lot of alone time, I've felt this a lot. "If he hears, he'll knock all day." My early 20s were especially rough, because you're expected to want to go to parties and clubs and stuff all the time at that age, and argh. I also really like the music in this song. It's different.

Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes -- "Up Where We Belong" -- November 6, 1982

It's a lovely romantic duet that has an actual beat and some real emotion. It always makes me think the people singing are middle-aged, and have seen a lot and been hurt a lot, but they're trying again anyway, and it's gonna work this time.

Lionel Richie -- "Truly" -- November 27, 1982

Lionel Richie's singing always sounds completely insincere to me. I wouldn't like his music anyway, but I'd find it more tolerable if it didn't all sound like such bs. It'd still be too slow, bland, and directionless though. So yeah, this is bad.

Tony Basil -- "Mickey" -- December 11, 1982

This is a cheerleading chant. I had to do aerobics to it at least once a week in 8th grade (it felt like more.) Since it's a cheerleading chant, I can't muster any feelings toward it. Tony Basil is awesome and she's had an amazing career in dance, including working with David Bowie. I'm sad that her music was like this.

Daryl Hall and John Oates -- "Maneater" -- December 18, 1982

When I was a little kid, I thought this was literally about a woman who ate men. Probably a werejaguar. I loved it. When I got a bit older, I realized what it was really about -- and I still loved it. I still do. Women get to be the bad guy in fiction too (and it's not like none of us are irl.) See also, from the woman's perspective, Pistol Annies' "Hell On Heels."

BEST OF 1982 -- "I Love Rock n'Roll" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts  WORST OF 1982 -- "Centerfold" by the J. Geils Band

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part VII (FINALE)- The 2010s

And we’re on the home stretch! Just 10 songs left now.

The 2010s stands as the only decade I watched live and the only decade I haven’t yet rewatched, mainly because I have no interest to. I’ve already seen the contest anyway, if a song didn’t stick with me then, it probably won’t now.

Also prepare for some hotter than usual takes, mostly down to the 10s contests being the most well known due to recency bias. I can say whatever the Hell I want about older contests and what songs I despise from there, but one non-positive comment about Euphoria and suddenly about five butthurt anons appear in my inbox telling me why I’m wrong.

But without further ado, let’s finish these off!

2010: Satellite

Country: Germany

Artist: Lena Meyer-Landrut

Language: English

Thoughts: I used to defend this song a lot, for some reason. I used to get super defensive when people dismissed it as a cheap lazy pop song that shouldn’t have won over (insert song here, but let’s be real here, 99% of the time it’s Turkey's equally cheap lazy emo rock song) and that it robbed so many better entries, blah blah, you know the drill. And I think it’s because it was the first winner I saw as I started properly watching in 2010, so I didn’t want to shit all over the winner that introduced me to the contest. Or maybe it’s that it makes me really nostalgic, or something to that effect. But, dear God, why did I? It’s so… not worth it. I appreciate it for being a much less instrumental-heavy winner, with its skippy, snappy beat and bouncing vocals which sound closer to plain talking than actual singing, but… How many times were the lyrics ran through GoogleTranslate before they were finalised? What’s with the janky, overexaggerated fake-English accent? Why does the singer look embarrassed to be a part of this? Why was this written?  And how the FUCK did it win? It’s so weird and awkward to listen to. It’s the song equivalent of trying to make small talk with that one classmate you never talk to because they’re shy and boring. It’s like listening to an old person laugh half-heartedly at their not-that-funny old person joke. It’s canned laughter in a mediocre sitcom. It’s just an awkward, painful to listen to song that’s made all the more painful by the fact that Germany has sent much better songs that easily could have replaced this as their one post-reunification winner.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Spain- Daniel Diges- “Algo Pequeñito”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 60th

2011: Running Scared 

Country: Azerbaijan

Artist: Ell and Niki 

Language: English

Thoughts: Look, this one isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. Doesn’t mean it’s good, or that I find it particularly good, but the worst winner of all time? Goodness no, it doesn't even come remotely close. What we have here is a mildly pleasant ballad duet song with a distinctive sad-boyband vibe. Like you can definitely hear the “X-Factor winner’s first cover song” energy just radiating off it from the first few lines. I suppose you could argue that that does make it feel a bit clinical and like it’s trying too hard to be a big hit, but come on, it’s not like this is the first winner like that. The singing is alright; better than half the singing that won in the 2000s anyway, and the male singer especially has a nice voice. The lyrics aren’t exactly poetry, sure, but again, other winners have terrible lyrics as well and don’t receive nearly as much hate as this one does. And… that’s it. Why all the hate? No idea, but I can only assume the people who declare this song to be the worst winner ever haven’t heard anything that won before 2010.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Denmark- A Friend in London- “New Tomorrow”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 42nd

2012: Euphoria

Country: Sweden

Artist: Loreen

Language: English

Thoughts: Ugh. Listen. This is not a bad song. It’s decent, middle of the table, listenable, marketable, well sung, well performed, well shot. I must stress, this is not a bad song. But the best Eurovision song of all time? Absolutely not. Euphoria is one of the few winners I would describe as “overrated”, and that isn’t a term I use lightly (since it’s overused as Hell), because frankly, I don’t see what people see in this song. Hell, I forgot it completely until the 2012 voting, and further still until mid 2013 when a friend said he liked it. This song left that little of an impression on me that I completely forgot everything about it for a solid year.  And considering how many fans regard this to be one of the best, if not the best song to ever come out of the contest... that baffles me, I just can’t wrap my head around why so many people hold this song up on a pedestal and worship it like it was dropped from the hands of God himself. And I'm not sure if it's because this just isn't a genre I care about, or if it's because this was WAY back when I was a casual fan who didn't follow any of the songs or artists so didn't know who'd be the favourite going in like I do now, and therefore didn’t know to keep an ear out for this one. Or maybe you have to be piss drunk and at a nightclub to really feel the impact of this song. This song triggers absolutely no response from me other than “Oh, a Eurovision song”. I feel no emotion towards it aside from complete indifference. I can’t deny that this song made an impact, it just… didn’t make an impact on me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Spain- Pastora Soler- “Quedate Conmigo”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 40th

2013: Only Teardrops

Country: Denmark

Artist: Emmelie de Forest

Language: English

Thoughts: Let me ask you a question: What do you get when you sandwich an otherwise decent pop song between two of the most iconic and recognizable winners of the decade? You get this. Only Teardrops is a weird, weird winner to me. On one hand, the fandom acts like it might as well not exist, you go straight from Euphoria to Rise Like a Phoenix, who cares about that filler song which came between them. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who really like it, yet all of them are either very casual fans or not fans at all. So this makes me feel like this song’s main weakness is that it’s too mainstream, at least for Eurovision fans. What are my thoughts? It depends. For one, I enjoy this song a LOT more than Euphoria; I always have done and I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit that. I find this song has a lot more personal appeal, particularly a much bigger finale in my opinion, and being surrounded by people who like this song has admittedly kept me fond of it. BUT, I still wouldn’t necessarily call it a favourite of mine. Maybe a favourite of the 2010s, but not overall. At the end of the day, it’s a little too generic, a little too normal, a little too like every other song you’d hear on the radio. It’s not really a song I find myself coming back to again and again and loving every time, it’s the song I stick on to shut my family up when they want to listen to Eurovision music and I’m too shy to show them the songs I actually really like. It's just a decent song that's unfortunate enough to be stuck in between two more iconic winners, doomed to be little more than the answer in a pub quiz question.  And even though I do prefer this one to some of those icons, and don’t really have anything else to say about it, it’s just enjoyable yet kind of bland.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Iceland

If no, what is? Iceland- Eyþór Gunnlaugsson- “Ég á Líf”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 16th

2014: Rise Like a Phoenix

Country: Austria

Artist: Conchita Wurst

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the man who made the entire continent of Europe collectively forget what a drag queen is. What a shitshow that night was. But I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to rate/say some things about the song, and honestly? This is arguably the most vocally impressive winner from the 2010s. Seriously, there’s nothing I can fault here; this guy’s got some serious pipes. Every time I go back to it I just end up blown away by how powerful and raw this song is. And obviously good vocals alone can’t carry a song forever, otherwise I would’ve had nicer things to say about the early 70s and mid 90s, but with this song the vocals go hand-in-hand with the gimmick. Without the powerful vocals this would just be a knockoff Bond theme sung by a drag queen with a beard, like it’d just be another sensationalist gimmick song to throw onto the pile with all the other gimmick songs. But with the good singing, this has the distinction that it’s a gimmick entry that still had every right to win because the singer was actually competent. Also unlike the 70s winners this one actually has strong emotions tied to it rather than it just being a bunch of pretty French words, so there’s that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or the Netherlands tbh

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 17th

2015: Heroes

Country: Sweden

Artist: Måns Zelmerlöw 

Language: English 

Thoughts: Fun fact: I was so bitter this won that I stormed off before the voting was done and cried in my room over it. I hated everything about this song: I hated how Sweden won just three years after their last win, I hated how the staging was just BEGGING people to vote for it, and I ESPECIALLY hated how it beat out the televote favourite because the juries were too busy wanking off to this one to care about anything else. I just despised everything about this song, and it turned me into an obnoxious jury-hater for a solid year.  And yes, I'm extremely embarrassed of all that because honestly this song is fantastic. I would go as far to say it's my favourite Swedish winner, maybe not one of my favourite Swedish entries but definitely my favourite winner of theirs. Everything about this is just so appealing to me, from the brooding intro and vocals, to the lyrics, to the staging, my GOD the staging! It’s one of the best performances of the contest to date; It's impressive without being tacky or try-hard, he interacts with his background, and that little doodle boy character he’s created is adorable. I just love this performance, it’s so mesmerising.

Was this my personal winner for this year? Not then, is now

If no, what was? Then? Serbia- Bojana Stamenov- “Beauty Never Lies”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 11th

2016: 1944

Country: Ukraine

Artist: Jamala

Language: English, some Crimean words

Thoughts: I mean… it’s good until she starts singing. Now I am by all means not an advocate for bringing back the old language rule, but songs like this sure as Hell make me one. This should have been left entirely in Crimean. Simple as that. The English lyrics are bloody awful, no way to sugarcoat it, and absolutely annihilate the potential this song is otherwise seething with, because the instrumental to this song is fantastic and the chorus and climax give me goosebumps. The performance at the contest was chilling as well; a perfect blend of both simple yet flashy staging to set up a really uneasy atmosphere that compliments the song perfectly but, God, the lyrics are bad, man, especially for such a serious song about a personal topic.  That said, it's still the only song in the 2016 top 3 that seemed winner-worthy, unlike Australia's obvious Jurybait and Russia's obvious Telebait. So… it has that. 

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? France- Amir Haddad- “J’ai Cherché”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 57th

2017: Amar Pelos Dois 

Country: Portugal 

Artist: Salvador Sobral 

Language: Portuguese (Translation: “Both of us”)

Thoughts: I still question why it took Portugal until 20-fucking-17 to even reach the top five, but that's a rant for another day.  Not that this is a rant, far from it. Anybody who knows me knows that I love this song after all, and that it’s one of the few winners I remain rather defensive of, though that’s mostly down to the amount of hate this song and its singer receive.  I will defend Sal and his hot takes on pop music until I die. Now I’ll admit, this song surprised me in more ways than one. Namely by actually winning the televote; given how this song has split opinions clean down the board as to whether it’s spine-tinglingly beautiful or soul-crushingly boring, I was expecting it to come mid-table in the televote whilst some other country swiped first. Yet somehow it managed to stomp the televote just as hard as it stomped the jury vote. I guess I wasn’t the only person this struck a chord with after all. Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is a perfect dance song? Like it’s great for ballroom, or contemporary. It’s so dreamy and flowy, and I usually HATE dreamy flowy songs, yet this one just resonates with me for some reason and I’m not sure why.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 4th

2018: Toy

Country: Israel

Artist: Netta Barzilai

Language: English, some chicken noises, cringe

Thoughts: And here we have another case for bringing back the language rule, because if this song had a Hebrew version I would 100% listen to it more often. When I heard Israel was sending an, ahem, "feminist anthem" about the #MeToo trend on twitter, my first reaction was "ew". When I heard it was the favourite to win, my reaction was also "ew". And when I heard the song for the first time? "Hm, not as bad as I thought."  And also "ew". This song is just embarrassing. I’m embarrassed listening to it, I’m embarrassed watching it, and I’m embarrassed when someone mentions it when I’m trying to convince them Eurovision actually has good music. You can just tell from the first few lines that it was written by middle aged men trying to shill themselves out to gullible young women who think listening to a song by some Israeli DJ “empowers” them.  And let’s be honest here: “empowering” is just media speak for “shit”. The only thing stopping me from putting it at the VERY bottom is the instrumental and performance because without the cringy lyrics you’re left with a pretty good club song, and I swear to God Netta Barzilai could sell herself sneezing for 3 minutes. If “Toy” had been entirely in Hebrew I would’ve given it a pass, and maybe a cheeky vote or two.  But, alas, that was not to be.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Italy- Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro- “Non mi Avete fatto Niente”

Personal ranking (out of 67):  64th

2019: Arcade

Country: The Netherlands

Artist: Duncan Laurence

Language: English

Thoughts: You know, in my 9 or so years watching the contest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt genuinely ecstatic watching a song win. Most of the time I either feel neutral (most of them) or a more general, content kind of happy (2014 and 2017). Like I’ve never let out a shout of joy and slid on my knees across my living room floor in sheer, blind happiness. But that’s what I did with “Arcade”. I’m not really sure why that is because, I must confess, it wasn’t my personal winner of the night, and, looking back, I preferred other songs, but… God, I just can’t explain how overwhelmingly happy I was when this song won. I’m not sure if it’s because I was alone or if I was rooting for this deep down (or if it’s because it was between this song or fuckin’ Sweden again). But that’s by the by. How’s the song? Honestly? Really good. One of my favourites of this decade, if I’m honest. It’s the kind of song that’s grown on me a lot since the night of the contest; even though it wasn’t my favourite song from 2019, I’m not mad at all at it winning.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Honestly I had about 10

If no, what is? I could list them if you want

Personal ranking (out of 67):  6th

[of-muppets-and-men]

Penumbra

Chapter 6: Nightfall

New Chapter is here, bit late but here. Link here if you prefer AO3.

“...With the Soul King as my witness, I pronounce thee Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride.”

The voices of a thousand souls cheered to the high heavens. Captains, lieutenants and beyond.

Ichigo gazed upon his wife, awestruck by her radiance. All the while, their friends from far and wide had come to share in their happiness. He leaned down to better meet his wife’s tiny frame, caressing it in his arms. Ichigo’s beloved bride met his affection with her own, intertwining her arms around his neck. Her eyes glimmered like the moon, deep violet stealing his breath away. Before he knew, Ichigo’s eyes had begun to water.

“Hey… What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing…” Ichigo said dismissively, “I love you, Rukia.”

“Hmph, Fool.” Rukia giggled, “I love you, too Ichigo.”

The love of his life’s lips were mere inches from his own, a moment he’d waited a small eternity for. How could this moment possibly get any better?

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Ichigo shot up in his bed, heart a flutter and breaths heavy; an alarm clocking making its duty known. His dreary eyes scanned the desolate room around him, growing more disappointed by the second. Everything he saw, he recognized all too well. The bland drapes, the lamp, Orihime’s vanity; Not to mention the ugly duvet cover she’d bought when she moved in. All the pieces fit; Ichigo was home… Or at least in the real world. The young man sighed and mumbled under his breath, wishing he’d never woken up.

“God damnit… Another one?”

A gentle slam and the alarm ceased all noise, prompting Ichigo to make ready for another day in the clinic. A slow shamble into the bathroom, and Ichigo found his reflection staring back at him. So much had changed, most notably himself; his spark growing dimmer and dimmer as days past. The licensed doctor brushed his teeth, his unmotivated stare unwavering before the stranger in front of him.

Gargle, spit, rinse. Same old rut.

Freshening up out of the way, the young man made his way to see what concoction Orihime had made this time. But, he couldn’t help but stop in front of the closet. Ichigo stared at it longingly, his hand half-cocked and reaching for the handle. What am I doing, he argued with himself. There was no way she’d be in there… but it didn’t stop him from trying.

Slowly, the door slid open and he’d been right. Nothing. Nothing except for extra sheets and a spare futon. Pointless but still… it would have been nice.

Ichigo quietly slipped past his son’s room, Kazui still fast asleep. Good grief, waking up at 6 in the morning sucked. It was about halfway down the stairs, however, when the smell hit him. Sweet? Spicy? Burnt? What was Wife doing down there? Cautiously, Ichigo made his way into the kitchen, step by step, the smell singeing his nostrils. He peeked his head inside, his brow more furrowed than it had ever been to see Orihime behind the stove; Apron on and chopsticks in hand.

“What on earth are you making?” Ichigo probed, nose crinkled. 

His wife whipped around in joy, “Oh morning, Ichigo! I’m making Okonomiyaki!”

Her husband moved beside her to inspect the pan, “What’s in it?”

“Oh just some honey, chili flakes, onion, eggplant, red bean paste and calamari.”

“Sounds Lovely…” Ichigo winced in horror at the bizarre combination while Orihime beamed with pride. 

But given his wife would likely never change, he shook his head and planted himself at the dining table. Pulling out his phone, Ichigo sifted through his messages, double checking for pre-scheduled appointments. Fortunately, it was only a handful of routine health check-ups from around the neighbourhood. While her husband attended to his business, Orihime became unusually sullen while breakfast continued to simmer.

“You mumble a lot in your sleep…” She remarked, just loud enough for him to hear.

Confused, Ichigo answered with a question, “I do?”

“Mhmm...” Orihime replied, not turning around to face him.

Silence enveloped their quaint little kitchen. Ichigo stared woefully at Orihime, her typical spunk replaced by weariness. As she plated his Okonomiyaki, Ichigo’s gaze shifted back to his phone, fiddling through the apps and emails. He knew all too well what she was implying. But the problem was, would they ever address it?

After the Quincy war ended, their marriage felt like more of a courtesy than anything else. Something to fill the void following such a bloody conflict. One that threatened the very fabric of existence. How could anyone feel normal again? But nothing on Ichigo’s end felt genuine. He did care about Orihime and loved their son as much as any father should. But it wasn’t the same; a fact they both subconsciously knew. 

Without so much as a word, Orihime placed breakfast in front of her husband, garnishing it with bonito and seaweed flakes. It smelled odd, but looked edible enough. If only Yuzu hadn’t moved out.

“Thanks for the meal, Hon.” Ichigo said tentatively, before grabbing his chopsticks.

“You’re very welcome.” she smiled, “Would you like some coffee to go with it?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course not, silly.” Orihime replied jovially, before giving him a peck on the forehead.

Ichigo watched his wife saunter back behind the kitchen counter, fetching the things she needed. While she fiddled in and out of the cupboards, Ichigo attempted to sample her cooking. Crunchy, tangy and little too sweet for his liking, but otherwise not as bad as he initially thought. He struggled to finish it, but soldiered on if only to spare Orihime’s feelings. His wife came back to the table, two mugs in hand. She handed him his and took the adjacent seat.

“One Cream, One Sugar. Just the way you like it.” Orihime bubbled.

“Thanks.”

She gave him a smile in return before blessing her breakfast, “Thanks for the meal. Oh, should I wake up Kazui?

“Nah, it’s Sunday. Let him sleep in.” Ichigo chided, “Plus, it’s not like he has anything better to do other than annoy Kisuke and the others.”

A chuckle from Ichigo matched a giggle from Orihime. Their boy was undoubtedly a little rascal, but they loved him nonetheless. He may have very well been the sole reason his parents hadn’t divorced yet. But there wasn’t time to dwell on that; the clinic was opening in an hour. The pair finished breakfast and washed the dishes together before Ichigo went on to do his routine check-ups around the clinic. Ichigo lamented on how mundane his life had become. His lingering youth missed the rush of fighting, of killing hollows. Foolish as it may have been to want conflict, he couldn’t help but miss the old days. 

If only the others were around… If only she were here.

Meanwhile...

“My Zanpakuto?”

“Yes, child. Now if you want to walk the path of a Shinigami, you must recite my name.”

Katsumi became entranced in the woman’s voice, as if she were flowing down a calm river caressed in the warmth of the sun. But at the same time, she was confused. Her mother had never mentioned anything like this. Did everyone experience something like this? Did all zanpakuto have a person-like form? What the hell was going on?

Meanwhile, her zanpakuto’s spirit waited patiently at arm’s length. She tilted her head and smiled lovingly at Katsumi. As if reading the girl’s mind, her zanpakuto sought to ease her racing mind.

“Take your time. It’s overwhelming for everyone at first.”

Katsumi’s eyes brightened a touch. Little did she know her blade was one of the more kind and polite ones. But the young soul still had much she wished to know. 

“But how will I know your name if you don’t tell me?” the girl asked curiously.

“I am you and you are me. I believe your mother told you that we zanpakuto are extensions of the soul. Therefore, I do not need to tell you because you should already know…” Her blade lectured, “Here, maybe this will help.”

Her zanpakuto pointed the blade she’d been carrying in Katsumi’s direction, hilt waiting for Katsumi’s grip. Tentatively, the girl took the sword, unsheathing it in all its glory. It shocked Katsumi to feel its weight or lack thereof. It was practically weightless despite its impressive appearance; feeling so natural in her palms. The girl gasped and marvelled; a zanpakuto that was well and truly her own. The spirit knelt beside, smiling at her delight. Katsumi, brimming with excitement, chopped with her blade and then raised it single-handedly into the air, roaring in victory. Her zanpakuto hadn’t stopped smiling, placing her hands over Katsumi’s.

“I look forward to the battles before us, for my name is…”

“...Tōgetsu” Katsumi breathed confidently.

Mere seconds after Katsumi recited her zanpakuto’s name, the beautiful scenery around them began to collapse. Naturally, the girl began to panic. The river drained into the void, the bridge crumbled into dust and the grass around her faded and wisped into ash. For the first time in this world, she felt afraid. She wanted to cry, wanted her mother to help her, but once more Tōgetsu eased her fears.

“Don’t worry. You’re just waking up, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Her zanpakuto soothed while rubbing her back.

“But there is something you must know. My power grows and shrinks depending on your fears. Become too afraid and I will shatter like glass, but should you stand your ground and fight, we’ll be invincible. Remember this always.”

Tōgetsu cupped Katsumi’s cheek; a touch that felt so much like her mother’s. Her whimpers turned to giggles as she relished in the embrace. 

“Do you promise to remember?” Tōgetsu asked.

“I promise.” Katsumi said with conviction.

“Good. Till we meet again, little one.”

The two shared one last hug as darkness swallowed them both. The last thing Katsumi could see being Tōgetsu’s smile. It’s warmth caressing her into the light of the morning.

“KATSUMI!! KATSUMI, WAKE UP!!!” a voice frantically called out to her.

The aforementioned girl opened her eyes to see her mother clutching her shoulders. She was standing on her bed for some reason with something in her hand; her knuckles had gone white from gripping it so tightly. Katsumi looked down to see her sword, only it wasn’t. It was bigger now, far bigger than a normal blade. It’s blade had become large and vaguely sickle-like. More strangely it was hollow in the middle, save for metal bands lining the inside. Still dazed from waking up moments before she looked back into her mother’s eyes for comfort.

“Mom? What’s going on?”

“Shikai…” was all she said in return, equal parts shocked and amazed.

“What?” Katsumi replied, puzzled by the word.

“It’s nothing. You were releasing spirit pressure like crazy so I thought something was wrong.” Yoruichi explained.

In an instant, the blade shrinked back to normal, confusing Katsumi yet again. How did zanpakuto grow like that? And what on earth was ‘Shikai’? The girl desperately looked for answers in Yoruichi’s golden eyes but her mother said only one thing.

“I guess we’re starting your training sooner than I thought.”

[the-captains-ayebrows]

Deck the Halls - CSSS 2K19

Getting in just under the wire (it’s still Christmas in my time zone anyway!), but here I am with a fluffy little enemies-to-lovers (ish) one-shot for the amazing and delightful @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ It sounded like you had a rough start to your holidays, dear, but I hope your Christmas has been the merriest! I’m a bit rusty at this writing business, but I do hope you enjoy your gift. 

Rated: G; Word Count: ~2700

~~~~~CSSS2K19~~~~~

“He made cookies, Mary Margaret. Homemade. From scratch. How could I possibly not hate him?”  

Emma glared across the teacher’s lounge at the man in question. Killian Jones. Music teacher, expert classroom decorator and apparently on the short list for the next Great British Bake-off. As she looked back to her best friend for moral support, it occurred to Emma that she’d never before realized a person could sip tea sarcastically.

“You’re right,” Mary Margaret replied. “I mean what next? Caroling through the corridors? Oh wait! He already did that with my Kindergartners, didn’t he?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the reminder.” Yes, Killian Jones had in fact led the Storybrooke Prep kindergartners singing merrily through the halls. And yes, it had been absolutely freaking adorable. 

She dunked an admittedly delicious homemade gingerbread man into her coffee, then bit its head off. “I don’t see why he has to be such a show off. It’s not like he can actually win the contest. He doesn’t have his own class, you know? Not really.”

“Maybe he’s just really into Christmas?” Mary Margaret shrugged. “Honestly, I think you may be taking this whole ‘Deck the Halls’ contest a bit too seriously.” 

“Says last year’s winner.”

“Or maybe there’s more to your fixation on Mr. Jones than just this contest?”

“Don’t start. It’s only about the contest. I wanna know what his evil plan is, that’s all.”

Ah, the annual Deck the Halls contest. Every homeroom teacher at Storybrooke was enthusiastically encouraged by the school principal to decorate their classroom door and hallway in festive winter style. The winning teacher’s class got some kind of prize, usually a special field trip. This year, students would be treated to a Polar Express themed ride on Storybrooke’s fully restored historic steam train. The kids could wear their pajamas and drink hot chocolate while they watched the snowy town pass by, and at the end of the ride, they’d get a chance to meet “Santa”. Emma’s fifth graders all seemed to think themselves too grown up for such a thing, but still… A little Christmas magic never hurt anyone.

Mary Margaret finished her tea and gave Emma’s shoulder a maternal pat. “Time to go pick up my little guys from the cafeteria.”

After her friend left, Emma let her gaze drift back to the object of her ire. Mary Margaret was right. Emma was definitely taking the contest too seriously, but that Killian Jones was just so damn infuriating. Ever since he’d transferred - no, swaggered - in from Misthaven Prep, he’d been the bane of her existence. He and his stupidly perfect hair. And his ridiculous flirty comments. And his stupid, ridiculous, unreasonably attractive face. The man may as well have had a banner over his head that read, “I’m sexy and I know it.” 

That was bad enough, but then came the first day of school after Thanksgiving break. Emma walked her class to Mr. Jones’s room for their music lesson to find he’d decorated the entire fine arts hallway to look like a giant gingerbread house with lights, human-sized gingerbread people and enough craft glitter to choke a reindeer. Between that and the caroling and the freaking cookies, how was anyone supposed to compete? 

And Emma really, really wanted to win. She had a competitive streak, sure, but it was more than that. It was-

Oh, crap. He caught her looking. And there he went with the eyes and the smile, and oh god he’s walking over to her. 

“Swan! I noticed you’ve been sampling my goodies. Fancy the flavor?”

Emma bristled. Killian Jones had a unique ability to say perfectly innocent things and somehow make them sound dirty. And also vaguely appealing, but that was beside the point.

“A little bland for my taste,” she lied. “They needed more cinnamon.”

“So the lady likes things a bit spicy. Duly noted.” He grinned at her, eyes alight with mischief. That smile of his was infectious - like the plague, Emma told herself - and she fought against the instinct to return it.

“My spice preferences are none of your business, Jones.” 

“Quite right, Swan.” He glanced downward, seeming appropriately chastised, but it only lasted an instant. He flashed those devilish blue eyes at her again with a wicked smirk to match. “Spicing up your life would be my pleasure, not business at all.”

Emma felt the blush begin to rise up from the back of her neck. It was bad enough that he could make her blush. She sure as heck didn’t want him knowing that.

She managed an unimpressed lift of her eyebrows and muttered something vague about picking up her class, before turning on her heel and exiting the lounge. At a perfectly calm and casual pace, thank you very much. 

—-

Later that afternoon, Emma sat at her desk grading papers. Or rather, sat behind a stack of papers that needed to be graded while staring around her classroom in an attempt to visualize a masterful decorating theme. Ugly Christmas sweater? No, that’d be a hot mess. Frozen? No, Ms. Arendelle the art teacher was already doing that. The Nutcracker? Nope. Mary Margaret won with that one last year. 

A knock on her door shook Emma out of her Grinchy brooding. “Ms. Swan? Can I come in?” Without waiting for a reply, Henry Mills barged in with an anxious smile on his face and a stack of printer paper clutched in his hand. “You said you’d read over my writing sample, remember?”

Emma pushed aside her grading and took the proffered essay. “How’s the scholarship application coming along?”

“The Sisters are doing most of the paperwork for me,” Henry answered. “I just need one more recommendation letter from a teacher and then my essay.”

The “Sisters” meant the nuns who ran the group home where Henry lived. It wasn’t the posh life that most of Henry’s classmates at Storybrooke Prep enjoyed, but the nuns cared deeply for the children in their charge. A better situation at least than Emma ever had during her years in the foster system. 

Emma read through the essay, all about the power of storytelling and how Henry aspired to be an author someday. He was capable of great things, that kid, but he needed the scholarship to pay his tuition so he could continue on at Storybrooke. 

“This is wonderful, Henry. I’m sure the scholarship board will approve you.” 

“Thanks, Ms. Swan.” Henry beamed at her for a moment, then glanced back toward her undecorated door. “Are you going to enter Deck the Halls this year? The judging is on Monday, right?”

Emma narrowed her eyes and leaned toward him as if confiding a secret. “Sure am. I’m just waiting until Monday morning so it’s a surprise.” Yeah, that sounded plausible, right?

Henry nodded, unconvinced. “It’s just that, well, I was really hoping our class could win this year. I’ve never been in a class that won before.” His focus shifted to a chipped spot on the edge of her desk. “I know it’s more for the little kids. I mean, it’s not like I believe in Santa anymore or anything, it’s just…” he picked at the chip making it worse. “The Sisters can’t really afford to take us anywhere, you know? And I thought it might be kind of fun to ride a real steam train and meet Santa just like in The Polar Express.”

He met Emma’s eyes finally. She knew that look. The I-want-to-be-a-part-of-something look. The I-want-to-be-a-regular-kid look. Her heart twinged with the familiarity. That. That right there was why she needed to win this year.

“Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll get you that train ride.”

—-

That Friday after school, Emma hit the local craft store. She bought tinsel and bows, little strings of lights and fake snow spray, garlands and non-breakable plastic ornaments. She even bought a sprig of freeze dried mistletoe for good measure. Come Monday morning, she had every intention of turning her hallway into a winter wonderland. 

As she and Mary Margaret walked to Emma’s classroom Monday morning, their arms laden with shopping bags, it quickly became clear that they were too late. Someone had beaten them to it.

Emma nearly dropped her parcels. “What the hell is this?” 

Wide-eyed, Mary Margaret took a hesitant step toward Emma’s classroom door. “I’d say it’s a train.”

Emma took in the sight before her, the initial shock slowly morphing into anger. Her classroom door had transformed into the front of a huge black steam engine, featuring a smoke stack that nearly reached the ceiling and a cardboard cow catcher protruding out at the bottom. Black duct tape train tracks laid neatly from the door clear to the end of the hallway. Blue butcher paper covered the walls on either side of the door setting a backdrop for a winter forest scene, complete with three dimensional evergreens made from layers upon layers of construction paper and fluffy white batting for snow drifts. Delicate tissue paper snowflakes had been hung painstakingly from the ceiling.

The Polar Express. Someone had turned her classroom - hell, half her hallway - into the Polar Express. It was beautiful. Perfectly executed. Emma hated it. 

She hated it because she didn’t need anyone’s help. She had it under control. Okay, so maybe her craft skills were not in the same league, but she had determination, damn it. Not to mention six bags of tinsel which she now had to shove into her supply closet for next year.

She hated it even more because she had a pretty good idea who the perpetrator was. There were only two teachers in the school capable of that level of Pinterest-worthy crafting, and since Mary Margaret looked as stunned as Emma, that only left Killian Jones. The one thing she couldn’t figure out was why he’d done it. 

“Looks like someone is trying to impress you, Emma,” Mary Margaret said with a sly smile. 

Emma shook her head. She couldn’t deal with her friend’s needling right now. She wanted to storm over to the music room right away and interrogate him, but she knew she needed to cool down first. Rationally, she told herself that the whole reason she became so invested in this silly contest was for Henry’s sake, and these decorations were sure to win. Irrationally, she simply did not want to deal with Killian’s smug, perfect face and whatever double entendre he was sure to throw her way. 

But it bugged her all day. 

Was Jones trying to be some kind of white knight swooping in to save her ass? Well too bad, mister. No one saved Emma but Emma. Did he want two chances to win? That didn’t make sense. As music teacher, he didn’t have a homeroom class so the prize didn’t apply to him. Maybe it was just the bragging rights? That could be. That was way more likely than Mary Margaret’s suggestive suggestion. Wasn’t it? 

She had to stop that train of thought right away before she devolved into the ten year-old mentality of her students and sent him a note: “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” Not that she thought he actually did. Not that she would want him to. It was only a point of curiosity. 

—-

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Emma’s classroom won the Deck the Halls contest. She waved sheepishly at her students as she walked to the front of the school assembly to accept the prize tickets from Principal Hopper, but one look at Henry’s bright smile had her grinning for real. 

As she scanned the crowd, her eyes locked onto another face. Jones’s bright blue eyes met hers with an unreadable expression. Wasn’t this his moment of triumph? Wasn’t he going to claim the glory? She raised her brows in question at him. Was it you? He gave a small nod. Yes. She subtly bobbed her head to the side. Meet me outside. The whole silent conversation only took a couple of seconds. 

After the assembly ended, the students were dismissed for the day. A small group of teachers herded them outside to the bus lanes, but Emma noticed Jones wasn’t among them. Her stomach began to flutter as she ducked out a side door from the cafeteria. She shivered when the crisp December air touched her face and shrugged on her coat, thankful she’d remember to bring it to the assembly with her. Why did she feel nervous? No, she wasn’t nervous, she just wanted answers. Right.

Emma heard the door creak open again, and Jones stepped out clad in a black leather jacket  that couldn’t have been much insulation against the winter chill, but did a marvelous job of framing his broad shoulders and lean torso. He looked… wait, did he look nervous, too? She needed to say something. Anything. Right now.

“What the hell, Jones?” Okay. Solid start. “You hijack my classroom, but you don’t take credit for it. I don’t get it. Did I seem like I needed saving? Because I’ve got news for you, buddy-”

“I didn’t do it for you, Swan,” he interrupted. 

“Then why?”

“I did it for Henry Mills.”

For Henry? Her student? Emma blinked at him, trying to formulate a response to this twist, but all that came out was. “What?”

“I happened to overhear your conversation with him last week. I had written him a letter of recommendation for his scholarship application, and I was bringing it to him when I noticed him going into your classroom. I figured I would wait outside your door until he finished talking to you. I wasn’t eavesdropping exactly, but the door was open.”

“So you heard him talk about why he hoped our class would win. And just what? Took it upon yourself to make that happen?” 

“Aye.” He ducked his head, looking almost shy. “I suppose the lad reminds me a bit of myself. I shan’t go into detail, but suffice to say my childhood was less than idyllic.”

Emma huffed a laugh. “I know the feeling.”

A tiny smile tilted the corner of Killian’s lips. “I thought you might. At any rate, the thing that made my young life bearable was my brother, specifically his insistence that no matter what, we would have a special Christmas. I simply wanted to be able to do the same for young Henry. I apologize if I overstepped, but a bit of Christmas magic never hurt anyone, did it?”

He reached up a hand to scratch at the back of his neck, and that right there did it. The vulnerability of that simple gesture shifted something into place in Emma’s heart. She regarded him for a second longer, looking for any trace that this was an act, but could find none. So, she raised up on her toes, placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed him softly on the lips.

Killian froze at the contact, and Emma was sure she’d made a terrible mistake, but then his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. He returned her kiss with exuberance, smiling against her mouth. Oh, god she’d never in her life been kissed like this. For all the sin his lips usually promised, this kiss held more joy than lust and an almost unbearable sweetness. His smile lingered even as they separated again.

Emma shook her head in a bit of a daze. “Wow, that was…” He seemed to stop breathing, waiting for her to finish the sentence. “-really unprofessional of me. Sorry.” Emma cleared her throat, but saw Killian’s expression droop. He took a step back.

“Of course. You’re right, Swan. That will ne-”

She reached out and touched his arm, halting his retreat.  “No, what I meant to say was, would you maybe want to get a cup of coffee with me sometime?”

No display of Christmas lights could have been brighter than the way his eyes lit up for her, and Emma thought fleetingly that she could get used to basking in that glow.

“Aye, Swan. I’d love to have coffee with you.”

----

On the day of the Polar Express trip, Emma’s class had an extra chaperone along for the ride. Emma served hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and cinnamon, while Killian passed out homemade cookies, and soon even the most blasé fifth graders were filled with Christmas spirit. A little Christmas magic never hurt after all. 

[wingedweasel]

My thoughts on Disney Remakes

Get ready for a loooooooooong post. Sorry. 

So let me start by saying I don’t have Disney+ and haven’t seen Mulan yet, so I’m only going off of what I’ve seen in trailers and the reviews of other people - both who liked it and those who didn’t. Warning, spoilers if you haven’t seen the animated or remakes of Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, or Mulan.

My opinion is that it seems like Disney really doesn't understand what to do with these remakes. 

With Beauty and the Beast, they tried something different and added/changed some things hoping that it would make the story more enjoyable but kept it generally the same, and people didn't react as positively as Disney wanted. In The Lion King, they went the exact opposite and made it a shot for shot remake, and people still didn't react as positively as Disney was hoping. Now with Mulan, it's a completely different story and people are still not happy with the end product. 

I don't think it's an issue with the audience being unsatisfied with everything no matter what. There is a little bit of that, make no mistake. There are people who will be unhappy no matter Disney did. However, I think it's more of an issue of Disney not realizing what people liked about the originals and enhancing that and failing to commit. 

Beauty and the Beast tried to be more ‘real’ in bringing in PTDS and references to war, death, illness, and grief over losing a loved one, ramping up the sexism, and making Gaston more of a douche, but I think it would have been a better story if they made it more real/dark. One of the easiest things would be to make Gaston more of a threat and his followers either more blind in worshiping him - more cult like if you will - or having him have to work harder to get them on his side. The animates version had the almost cult like mentality of how the people of the village treated Gaston. If he said jump, they would have started jumping before asking how high. It was easy for him to get blind followers into charging the castle to kill the beast. 

In the remake, there were times where, while Gaston was able to talk his way out of a problem, his anger or manipulative actions were kind of just waved away or people were only accepting of him and his desires due to peer pressure - which makes a good foil to the Beast before he was cursed. It could have been something the Beast could have recognized and wanted to changed because he sees that acting this way is really bad, wont get the girl, and doesn’t want to be like Gaston (or making it a teaching moment for Gaston if you want to give the villain a possibility of redemption, either works). Another thing would have been to capitalize on the fact Belle is just as much as an inventor as her father and/or she is secretly the one who makes gadgets the village uses and likes or what her father is going to sell. That way it shows she is smart, resourceful, and would be respected if only she just wasn't a gosh darn woman. At the end, when it’s revealed that Gaston is a bad guy and that Belle is the one who created everything, she would be able to get the respect and acceptance of the village she should have had all along. Instead she gets belittled for being able to read and is a senseless romantic because she like Romeo and Juliet? What? Honestly, I don’t think if she ever returned to the village and tried to encourage and teach the little girl to read again, she would have been just as dismissed as she was at the beginning. Her life wouldn’t have changed in any way if she did go back to her ‘provincial life.’ 

People know this story, as I said, so changing it up a bit with the background things but still making it about the message of it's the personality that makes a good person and how you overcome people not believing in you the focus would have made it better than just Gaston having PTSD, Belle wants to teach girls to read, and a potentially hidden gay character. In short, they could have made this a completely different movie and I think people would have been happy with that. Instead, they started to make changes, doubled back, and we got some lackluster kinda pro-feminism...thing. Also, get a singer for musicals. The singing wasn’t terrible, but still actual singers should be used in musicals more often. 

The Lion King suffered for opposite reasons. It seems as if Disney saw that people didn’t like the changes they made to Beauty and the Beast, and went “Okay, not changes at all!” A shot for shot remake should only be done if you can make it interesting. You get bonus points for getting original actors, settings, and crew. Update the technology and it usually becomes better. This should have been an easy A+ since The Lion King did all this. However, it didn’t because it was too real - in a bad way. I haven’t seen the remake of the Jungle Book, but I have heard good things about it because of the way the characters were designed. They were interesting to look at even if they looked more realistic and not as cartoony as they could have done. The Lion King should have gone this root. The characters here were a bit bland looking. They’re just lions, which cool. They hyper realism of the CG was an interesting thing to do - in theory. The hyperrealism in something like Beowolf made it eye catching and was almost a character itself. In The Lion King, there wasn’t a whole lot of variance between everyone. All the animals all looked the same as one another. Sure in nature animals tend to have little variance within their species, but in movies 0 especially a kid’s movie - characters need to stand out from one another to be easily identifiable. Some of the quirks of the animated version could have been used to do this. Make Simba’s mane more reddish-orange, Scar’s mane should have been black. Some of my favorite characters were the lead hyenas. They all had a unique look - it didn’t hurt that Whoppi Goldberg was Shenzi. Now everyone is the same. Also, the mouth and facial emotes didn’t really work with the hyper realism. If they had made the facial features ‘looser’ and a bit more animated, it would have helped convey the expressions so much more and when they started singing, it would have looked more ‘natural’ for them to be doing so. 

Nothing was really changes story-wise; they did add some dialogue and minor things like that, but not a whole lot else. It probably could have gotten away with making more alterations to the story - either by adding scenes or changing backstories or things like that - and people wouldn’t have been as mad as with other movies (as long as the changes made sense and added to the plot and weren’t changes just to be changes).

Now Mulan, on the other hand, seems to be split 50/50 sor far. It’s only been out for a short time, so not a whole bunch of people have seen it - myself included - but looking at reviews, it looks like Disney say the hate The Lion King got for being a shot for shot remake and went, “Fine, we’ll change everything!” And they did. I mean, they kept the general idea of a young woman taking her father’s place in the army to fend off an invading force and she somehow defeats the big bad (I think? I heard something about the Emperor fighting the big bad? I mean, it is Jet Li, so he has to have at least one fight scene, so...). I will say that from the previews that I have seen and all the reviewers agree that the movie is very pretty. It has gorgeous cinematography and the set design looks amazing. There were some other positives that a lot of people toted like even though Mulan has a love interest, it really isn’t that big a thing, and the fight scenes were very well choreographed, and some character interactions that were quite funny - things like that. Important things to be sure, but some of the biggest complaints were that Mulan in the animated version was shown to be resourceful, cunning, and proved that a woman could save the day just a s successfully - if not better - than a man (although why she had a fan when she went back to being a woman, I don’t know, but whatever). In the remake, it seems like strength and fighting prowess is all that is needed to be a hero. 

Apparently, Qi is a thing in the movie and if you have more of it, it allows people - men - to be good fighters and do more athletic things better than those without it (I guess?) Women who have it are apparently shunned, which is part of one of the Witch’s backstory. She has Qi and uses it for dark magic...okay? Do some men not use it for evil? Is every woman who has it eventually turn evil? Speaking of the Witch, she is super more powerful than the main baddie. She is physically more powerful, has Qi, uses magic - some of which she uses to shapeshift? Like, why do we need another baddie? She should be the main villain. One reviewer said it would have been a great twist if she was just pretending to be the main guy using her shapeshifting powers and we only find out right at the end. Now that would have been cool. We get a strong female villain who plays off of the gender restrictions of the society and turns everything on its head by going, “I was a woman the whole time! All those things you said a woman couldn’t do, well, I was doing them and you didn’t have any complaints then!” Instead, we get another movie where the villainous woman is second to the villainous man simply because of gender stereotypes. Hell, even if the man was just pretending to be the main baddie and acting as her puppet would have been better. 

I guess because she really isn’t the main villain, she gets to have a redemption scene and save the hero, but was that really necessary? Couldn’t she be bad and stay bad until the very end? Why not? Anyway, she sacrifices herself to save Mulan, and it’s supposed to be an emotional scene which causes Mulan to find her inner strength and gives her a power boost to defeat the baddie. 

Mulan also doesn’t have a lot of cunning in this remake, apparently. She’s more physical than the animated version, but...wasn’t the point of Mulan to show that you needed more than physicality to save the day? The thing that I’ve seen most people complain about is this. In the animated version, Mulan and the other soldiers are given the task to climb a pole wearing heavy weights (I’ll Make a Man Out of You is one of the best songs ever, fight me). After a montage of her failing physical tasks, she is only able to succeed climbing the pole through her smarts. Not because she suddenly got supper buff and could lift herself up the pole. Yes, she gets physically stronger and becomes the best at everything during the finale of the song, but that just a result of training. You start off really bad and then become good. I believe what made this scene so powerful was that she was held back by the belief that she wasn’t ‘cut out’ for the army. She had to overcome her own mentality before she could start to be a better soldier. She does that by using her brain to find a different way to climb the pole. 

In the remake, the task is to climb steps up a mountain carrying buckets of water. It’s not an easy task, as everyone fails, but apparently, she just keeps at it until she is physically strong enough to do it? No more effective way of carrying the buckets than just T-pose while holding them out to the side. Like I said, training makes you stringer. Practice makes you better. This is obvious. You get stronger the longer you work your muscles. There’s nothing special about that. Yes, the men were probably comparatively physically stronger than her, but they all struggled too. What’s the lesson here? Just keep at it and one day you will be big and strong? Okay, cool I guess. That’s something that is helpful, don’t get me wrong. Dedication and hard work are important. Being physically strong is one aspect of being a soldier - especially during the time period the movie is set in, but it’s not the be all end all. That’s what made Mulan stand out: she was at such a disadvantage she had to find a different way of doing things to succeed. Then the training kicked in and she became physically stronger. 

It’s also good to note that in the animated version, she never relies on her physical strength to do something. Sure she is super awesome at the end of the training montage, but that’s all we see of her being physical. She uses smarts to defeat the army, the previous method of climbing the pole to get inside the palace, and deception to knock out the guards. No epic parkour, no breaking down walls, just her brain. In the remake, it seems as if strength is the be all end all. Mulan is supposed to be a role model for young girls and an example of why you shouldn’t listen to stereotypes. At least, she is supposed to be. And she is - in the animated version. Here, it seems as if the message is forget about being intelligent. All that really matters is that you be physically strong. I mean, even that hot mess of a movie Hercules taught us that this is wrong. You need more than just muscles to be a hero. Being able to fight isn’t what makes you a hero (it’s certainly part of it, obviously). You need a good heart and a good head, not a six pack. 

With all that said, it looks like the Mulan remake suffered from trying to not be Mulan. It went too far in changing things. It added things that it didn’t need to add, and took out things that helped make the animated version well liked. The love story that wasn’t? They took out Shang, but added another love interest? Just keep Shang. Looking back, and even at the time I first saw it, it’s amazing to see the hero is a woman and she doesn’t need to rely on a relationship to reach her goals. The added bonus of having Shang was that he os believed to be the first LGBT Disney character. He respected Ping and thought him a friend before the big reveal and no one can convince me otherwise the looks Shang gave Ping during the training montage and after Ping gives Shang some encouragement right before they march out to the meet the main army are anything other than Shang thinking “Damn, I want some of that.” Add in the fact that he starts to act all flustered when he returned the helmet just shows that he had feelings for Ping, but now that Ping is actually a girl he can act on those feelings (this is both Ancient China we are talking about, not 2020...where being LGBT is still not always accepted...). 

Okay, so what does all that mean for the Mulan remake? Beauty and the Beast wasn’t the best because it didn’t go far enough with its changes, The Lion King didn’t have enough changes, and Mulan had too many changes? Not exactly. Mulan, as a story, can work with being completely different from the original animated version. It probably mostly does. It’s more than like going to be a success on Disney+. But if any movie could have been a shot for shot remake, it should have been Mulan. Hell, making it not be a musical and adapting the story to account for that could work. It was the lessons that made the animated version so well liked. Also the humor, Eddie Murphy makes a great side kick. You have the yearning for ‘more’ and the feeling of not fitting in that Beauty and the Beast has combined with the self-doubt and acceptance despite origins of The Lion King. You have a kickass female hero who breaks all the gender rules of her society and saves the day by using her brain and not a sword. No magic to save the day - the ancestor spirts being the only mystical thing about the movie. Mushu isn’t overtly magical and he doesn’t really help do anything except be a convenient Zippo light two times in the movie - it could be argued that he, and magic in general, is a source of conflict since the other spirits all want to bring Mulan home. Also no stupidly forced romance subplot - or worse a love triangle. The remake just doesn’t have any of that, really. It’s basically just another action movie with the added flavor of a woman pretending to be a man in the army. It’s almost a ‘chosen one’ narrative since the aspect of Qi looks to be a major plot point - and source of conflict. There’s magic - and oh by the way, there’s a phoenix attached to Mulan for some reason...? - and what looks like a romance subplot (one where the guy isn’t Bi boooooooo). Mulan could have been shot for shot and would be successful. It can also be successful by making changes, but not many. We like Mulan the way it was. If you need to make changes or updates to it, fine, but don’t make the story so unrecognizable that it becomes a different movie. Mulan doing a whole bunch of fancy martial arts before literally beating the big bad and an evil Witch who turns into a bird are things we don’t want and the story doesn’t need. 

Disney needs to stop messing with the original stories. We liked the old animated versions for a reason. Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King were two of the biggest box office hits and two of the most popular Disney movies today. The were huge successes and are still talked about 20+ years later. These remakes are just meh. 

If Disney does change the story, change it in a way that emphasizes what was liked about the original. Otherwise, make it into a different movie and - more importantly - call it something else. 

[slowpocalypsecooking]

the top 8 tracks on folklore from least to most embarrassing to enjoy

Hi I’m Anthony Fantano and welcome to the needle drop. I don’t know if he says that, because I don’t watch him—if I wanted to listen to a repulsive white man talk about music, I could just go on a date. (just kidding, covid!)

Forgoing any further introduction, here are the top eight tracks from Taylor Swift’s new album, low-caps “folklore,” ranked from least embarrassing to most embarrassing to enjoy, according to me. The whole album is 16 tracks long, but I’m only doing the most noteworthy half because 16 is too many. You’re welcome for that decision.

Methodology: To get on this list, songs had to be both embarrassing and enjoyable. There will be natural fluctuation between tracks, but as we go down the list, assume that the songs are getting increasingly better to listen to and worse to think about, like this:

The rankings:

8. cardigan

This is a song about feeling at times like an unloved trash bag, as we all do, and then being warmly reminded that you matter because you are in fact someone’s fallback. The hook goes:

and when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone’s bed you put me on and said i was your favorite.

Beyond reveling in this pathetic status, this song serves as an admission that the speaker a. uses the word “cardigan” and b. thinks of those bland, preppy sweaters as a comforting thing to wear. In a cooler universe, this song would be called “flannel.” It is just okay to listen to.

7. mad woman

This song has big Ophelia vibes, big Handmaid’s Tale vibes, big “daughter of the witches you couldn’t burn” vibes. One of the verses contains the line “and women like hunting witches too,” because, hey, woman-on-woman misogyny is bad, didn’t you know. Strong reminder that if being called crazy is the worst form of oppression you’ve experienced, you still have it pretty good. Sometimes sounds decent, sometimes too croony.

6. invisible string

This one uses a pretty lazy, commonplace device: She opens couplets within verses by just naming colors, and uses these to create a simple repetitive structure for introducing random, useless details:

green was the color of the grass where i used to read at centennial park i used to think i would meet somebody there teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop you used to work at to make a little money

Sure this device is tired, but that’s only the surface of what’s embarrassing here. More embarrassing is the image I’ve conjured of a teal-shirted teenage boy smiling through his braces behind the toppings station at one of those blindingly lit American-kawaii froyo stores. I don’t know who needs to hear this but don’t fuck the froyo boy. Song is pretty catchy.

5. illicit affairs

Title says it all here: This song is about how thrilling and fun and ultimately horrible it is to be involved in a romantic situation you’re not supposed to be in, and how that forbidden sheen can get you totally enthralled with a crappy garbage man. Not a whole lot going on below the surface. This song is both very enjoyable and very embarrassing because it is very relatable.

4. seven

We are back to the aggressive levels of white woman previously seen in “mad woman,” only the case has gotten much more severe. Here’s this song’s final chorus:

Sweet tea in the summer Cross my heart, won’t tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Pack your dolls and a sweater We'll move to India forever Passed down like folk songs Our love lasts so long

Okay let’s just skate past the part where a presumed adult is telling a fellow adult (I sure hope!) to bring their dolls when they run away together. That in itself is too big a can of worms to crack open. What I want to talk about is the line “We’ll move to India forever,” which pretty obviously uses an Orientalist fantasy of India as some nebulous, ethereal image of the East. Real people don’t live there; it’s the exotic dreamland where sweet-tea drinking southern belles bring their adult toys when they elope. This song is very catchy.

3. betty

Let me start by saying that now that we’re in the top three, all of the remaining songs are vying for the #1 slot. I could very easily see this and the next as the  Most Embarrassing to Enjoy. But “betty” is clocking in at number three today.

This is a song about a teenage romance gone bad, in which a speaker named James (who is “only seventeen, I don’t know anything”) has cheated on a girlfriend (Betty) and is now considering showing up at her party, begging for forgiveness, and hoping for a kiss in the garden. We get the backstory in the bridge:

I was walking home on broken cobblestones Just thinking of you when she pulled up like A figment of my worst intentions She said "James, get in, let's drive" Those days turned into nights Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long

First of all, “figment” of “intentions” is not really a phrase? But secondly, and more importantly: Excited bloggers all over the internet have posted a smattering of theories detailing why this song is Taylor Swift’s coded revelation that she actually maybe fucks girls, too, y’know, and hey, maybe the object of this song is the supermodel Karlie Kloss, whose middle name is Elizabeth. Apparently Taylor Swift is named after James Taylor, so she could be James, or at the very least James could be a woman. I’m going to allow for the possibility that the speaker “James” is a woman, because why not; it does not change the narrative. But said narrative doesn’t make sense: who is this woman pulling up next to James and picking them up on the cobblestone? Did James really spend all summer with her, and if so, why? James is only seventeen by the time they get back to ask Betty’s forgiveness, so like, where the hell are James’s parents? Do they not care that their child has gone off for the whole summer with a person I can only picture as a cheetah-print-and-goggles-wearing divorcee driving a convertible?

Furthermore, the Karlie Kloss/Taylor Swift fan theories are gross for the simple reason that these two tall skinny white women look pretty much exactly the same. What is it with the internet’s obsession with wanting practically identical people to hook up? There might be an incest thing going on there that you guys could stand to reflect on. And on the more cynical conspiracy-theorizing side, couldn’t this just be some convenient queerbaiting? Didn’t Taylor Swift get criticized for appropriating gay rhetoric and imagery for “You Need to Calm Down,” like, 20 minutes ago? If she were going to come out, wouldn’t it have been an ideal moment to do so when she was under fire for that? I’m not saying all celebrities are shallow opportunists, but, you know, maybe.

This song is infectious. You will need to lobotomize me to get it out of my head.

2. exile

I know I originally said this was gonna be number one but I lied. It is pretty rough, though. This track features Bon Iver, and it’s not the high-pitched sad boy of “Skinny Love” renown. This Bon Iver is deep-voiced and country, like Bon Iver playing Tim McGraw in an uncomfortable SNL parody. Also, the whole song is centered around the tired and overused metaphor that a person is a place, and the person the speaker is pining after is home, and the speaker is in exile because they can’t go home to the person they love. It’s a heartache-ballad, cry-sing in your car, absolute jam.

1. the last great american dynasty

I really tried not to let this be number one. I really didn’t want it to be, which is precisely why it is. This was the track that first alerted me to the entire album’s release, because Ed Markey supporters on Twitter seized on it and decided it was about the downfall of the Kennedy family. It is not. The opening verse goes:

Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train, it was sunny Her saltbox house on the coast took her mind off St. Louis Bill was the heir to the Standard Oil name and money And the town said, "How did a middle-class divorcée do it?" The wedding was charming, if a little gauche There's only so far new money goes They picked out a home and called it "Holiday House"

This is very obviously about a real couple, Rebekah and William (Bill) Hale Harkness, who had a real mansion in Rhode Island that they called “Holiday House.” The Harkness name is on basically every building in Connecticut and a lot of the Northeast because Stephen Harkness, Bill Hale Harkness’s great uncle, was a founder of Standard Oil along with John D. Rockefeller. In 2013, Taylor Swift bought the property known as “Holiday House,” as she says in the song:

Fifty years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits And then it was bought by me

The cool, fun, left-ish internet reading of this song is that it’s a revolutionary tale about toppling class hierarchy—getting a hold of wealth and bringing the institution that created it to its knees by… “fill[ing] the pool with champagne”? How much would that amount of champagne even cost? This is not a song about revolution. Taylor Swift didn’t storm into the Standard Oil house and burn it down or take it over; she bought it. It is not a song about destabilizing the ruling class. It’s a song about joining it.

It absolutely fucking slaps, unfortunately.

[amanharwara]

Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By (Album Review)

“Music To Be Murdered By” is the latest release from the legendary rapper, Eminem. This is his eleventh studio album. Eminem released the album on 17th January without any prior announcement, similar to his previous album Kamikaze.

As you might know, Eminem is one of the biggest-selling artists of the previous decades. Very few artists manage to touch his sales numbers. Even the two of his worst albums managed to put up numbers that for most rappers would be their highest. Needless to say, he is one of the biggest artists in the world with a huge global audience. A lot of his audience is very passionate, which is one of the reasons all of his albums seem to do so well.

The project is a double-album, including two labeled introductions and one labeled outro. For those of you who don’t know what a double-album is, it is composed of two different albums. This one, in particular, is split into two portions containing 10 songs each. The album features 12 artists across eight songs, including artists like Ed Sheeran, the late Juice WRLD, Royce, Black Thought and Q-Tip. The album title and cover have been inspired by one of the most influential and prominent directors and filmmakers of all time, Alfred Hitchcock and his album, “Music To Be Murdered By”. Multiple songs on the album reference him.

His previous two releases have been inadequate trash. Revival and Kamikaze are two of Eminem’s worst albums ever released. Although, don’t take my word for it. You might want to give them each a listen yourself to understand why I say that. My gripes with Revival were the bad production, absolutely cringe lyrics and some of the worst flows. Kamikaze continued that trend of bad lyricism mixed with bad flows, and also attacked new-age rap like a grumpy old man. Two consistently terrible records from someone whose music I enjoyed and adored for a long time is the reason I went into this album with very low expectations. And let me tell you, the album barely manages to exceed even those low expectations.

The album starts with the intro, titled “Premonition.” Em continues the attack on “mumble rap” that he started on Kamikaze. He also talks about his career on the track, from his years of being one of the undisputed rap legends to being bombarded by criticism for his previous few records. The track features a generic trap beat, instances of which can be found on quite a few other songs on the album. However, the one on this track is at least a bit bearable. The track contains its fair share of corny lyrics. At a point, he is boasting about being “as fly as your zipper.” I think the track sets us up perfectly for what the whole album is going to be.

Next up is the “Unaccommodating,” featuring Young M.A. The track contains one of the better trap beats on the record. Also, M.A.’s feature is one of the saving graces on the album. This is because she can flow well on the beat, unlike the certain another rapper on the track. Although, I’ve got to give credit where it’s due. Em is pretty good at this “fast rapping” game that white kids from the suburbs love. If rap was all about talking fast, then Em would be the GOAT, of course. But that’s not the case. One thing I found funny about this track is the line where Em says that his pupils have gotten cornier. Yeah Em, that’s because they’re learning from one of the corniest teachers ever, you. He comes up with some of the wackest lines, I swear. “Where’s Osama been? I been laden lately” This is a line from the chorus of the track. The track contains even more corny lines, peep:

“Cause I met your bitch on the internet now I’m getting head like a Pillow Pet”

“That’s why they call me Kamikaze, it’s plain suicide, yeah”

Em’s old friend and frequent collaborator, Royce da 5'9", joins him on the track “You Gon’ Learn” along with White Gold. White Gold comes in with the chorus, which sounds rather boring to me. Royce comes in with an amazing flow that fits well on the beat. Although, he did make me cringe hard at the colonoscopy line. Overall, his verse is very enjoyable to listen to. Em comes in with his verse containing some very corny lyrics. He has mastered the art of corniness at this point. At least, his flow is a bit better on the track. I couldn’t even be bothered to put up some of the corny lyrics here. I’d recommend you give the track a listen and find out yourself.

Ed Sheeran collaborates once more with Em on the track “Those Kinda Nights.” This is one of the most trash tracks I’ve heard on the album, with some horrendous lyrics. Also, the flow on this one is annoying and irritating. The chorus by Ed is bland and nothing special. I can’t put into words how much I dislike this track.

“In Too Deep” describes details of a toxic relationship that Em and his partner were involved in. I do like the slow and kinda punchy beat on this one. However, I can’t say the same about Em’s rapping. I mean, it’s not as terrible as the rapping on some other tracks, but it’s not any good either. On the chorus, he goes back to his Recovery style of singing which doesn’t sound too good. This is an average track, better than some of the worst tracks but nothing too good.

“Godzilla” starts with Em’s annoying staccato flow which then evolves into an amalgamation of the annoying staccato and the annoying fast rap. The beat on this is good, though, pretty fun to listen to. But that is the only good thing about the track. I was hoping when Juice WRLD (R.I.P) comes in, that it would be at least a bit more enjoyable to listen to. However, even that expectation of mine was deceived. I didn’t enjoy the track other than the beat.

The track “Darkness” interpolates “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel. I’ve gotta be honest with you, the track has grown on me at least a little bit since I first heard it. While the beat is a little bit generic, I do like it. It is slow and kinda melodic, sets the tone for the lyrical content. Speaking of which, the song is written from the perspective of the murderer responsible for the largest mass shooting in US history. It also brings to notice the gun control problem in the US. This is one of the tracks that I think is good and you should give this one a listen.

“Leaving Heaven” sees Em reflecting on his success and what turned him into the person that he is today. He raps about extreme resilience after having been put under very terrible circumstances by life. The beat sounds reminiscent of something that would be on MMLP2. When the Skylar Grey-sung chorus hit for the first time, it did interest me a tiny bit. But that interest waned off by the second time the chorus hit. Also, Em seems to fall back into his annoying staccato rhythm on the verses on the track. Another below-average song, which while not terrible, leaves a lot of room for improvement.

Next might be the only song on the album that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly. And that song is “Yah Yah,” with its amazing use of sampling. It samples Busta Rhymes’ “Woo Hah!! Got You All In Check,” which is a song that I enjoy a lot myself. Denaun went crazy with the beat on this one. The features list on this track is pretty amazing as well, featuring Royce, Q-Tip who you might know from “A Tribe Called Quest” and his solo work, and Black Thought who you might know because of his amazing rap prowess and his work with his group “The Roots.” While I would’ve loved a verse by Q-Tip, he is only featured on the chorus along with Royce. Royce’s verse is pretty good, followed by another good verse from Black Thought. It’s good that Em’s verse is at the end, which makes it easier to skip.

On the twelveth track of the album, “Stepdad” Em attacks his deadbeat dad for leaving him and his mother when he was still a toddler. I hate the chorus on this one. Em’s flow on this sounds similar to some of his older works like Relapse and The Eminem Show. While the flow can start sounding a little annoying at times, it isn’t as bad as the chorus. And the lyrics are pretty good and not much corny when compared to other songs on the album.

The latter half of the album falls flat on its face and is even annoying at points. Marsh is one hell of an annoying song. I can’t even sum up my hatred for it. I’m sorry but I don’t have anything to say about this garbage. Never Love Again sounds like something out of Revival. Little Engine has an interesting and fun beat to it, but the chorus is annoying and Em’s lyrics aren’t any good. Lock It Up’s Anderson Paak feature is alright, nowhere near what my expectations thought it would be. Farewell is another piece of garbage with extremely cringe lyrics and annoying delivery. No Regrets contains a feature from Don Toliver which I couldn’t really care about. It sounds like a very generic trap song. The final song I Will is a reunion of most of the members of Slaughterhouse. This is a bearable track with an alright chorus from Em and an alright beat.

Overall, the album is another disappointment in the Eminem catalog. However, it’s not as much of a colossal letdown that his previous two albums were. It is a huge improvement when compared to Revival and Kamikaze. One of the good things about the album is that Eminem finally collaborated some new artists from the “mumble rap” scene instead of acting like a grumpy old man waving his cane at the kids. While some of the songs sound like generic trap songs, there a few good songs here and there. Some songs are absolute garbage and some are tolerable. It’s a below-average album from someone who I still think is capable of bringing better music than this.

Rating: 4 / 10

[simplekpopstan]

Love

**There are a lot of warnings for this fic, please read at your own discretion. Some of these themes are hard to stomach. I do not condone this type of relationship. If you are experiencing something similar to this please, PLEASE talk to someone and get help. In no way do I actually believe any of the boys would ever treat their significant other like this.**

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader

**Warning(s)**: Emotionally abusive relationship, sort of physically abusive relationship, graphic drug use, forced drug use, implied cheating, skewed view of love, manipulation, dubious consent, sadism, mentions of sex, alcohol/drunk mentions, suicidal thoughts, angst

Summary: He controlled your life, the beating of your heart, the consistency of your breathing. Your life was in his hands and he played with it like a puppet master. 

Genre: Angst to the absolute max, there is no semblance of fluff or etc. in this. (unless you got a fucked up view of love too)

Prompt: “You’re my toy.” 

Song Inspiration: The Moment I Said It - Imogen Heap

Word Count: 1,427

Infatuation, love, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach all synonymous with the idea of unconditional care and compassion. A faithful emotion that all of mankind is looking for in some shape or form. 

You thought you found all of those things, someone who made your blood sing with just a glimpse. He was the center of your world, taking up every centimeter of your being and each second of your day. Nothing could compare to the way he made you feel regardless of his disinterest for your beating heart. He effortlessly took over your mind and home. He was everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. His time devoted to you was fleeting, he knew you were hooked by the moment he crossed the threshold of your apartment. You were caught in his headlights with no place to hide, you were done for.

His mood change happened during fall, you could feel the shift in him as the leaves shifted from green to shades of yellow and orange. Life had been good, amazing until this point, the two of you went out on dinner dates every Friday - happy just being in each other's company.

Everything was darker once winter's chill appeared, the shade of his hair, the color of his liquor, the bruises littering your skin. He stood perfectly straight, looking down upon your crippled form. Beyond proud of his newest painting on internal bleeding, a new masterpiece lying before him. 

This was his love.

Pushing yourself up from bed to inspect the new lacerations across your back from his nightly game of pain, wincing as a harsh slap resounded through the bathroom. You must have woken him up too early. "I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again." Quickly left your mouth to avoid another session of torture. 

His hands pressed softly against your back, the devil's eyes scanning the expanse of your body in the mirror. "This is what love looks like, you should be proud to bare these marks. It proves that someone cares about you in this world." Nails dug into your flesh as searing pain registered, he would never get tired of your cries. Nothing was more amusing than the sobs that wracked your body when he finished his painting. It was beautiful.

"How about you make me breakfast? Then I'll teach you more." Your neck moved on it's own accord, obediently nodding affirmation. He placed gentle peck to your temple, smirking at the control he had over you, a demon controlled your life, sucking away anything that made you an individual. 

This was his love.

"Where do you keep getting these bruises from?" Your mother spoke up as she looked over your exposed arms. She glanced from you to Namjoon, meeting her gaze proved to be the challenge of a century. Fortunately, your caring boyfriend always at the ready with a new excuse to explain away his artistic creations. "Actually she just went to the doctor for a check-up, turns out she's extremely anemic, but she's on iron pills now. Nothing to worry about." 

He brushed your mother off like a joke, watching as she relaxed into the couch - happy to know her daughter was far from danger. "Thank you, Joon. Taking such good care of my baby." She placed a hand on your shoulder, none the wiser to the way you moved from her touch. This monster had another one wrapped around his fingers with just a few honey glazed words, god his game had no flaws, everyone played swimmingly into his trap. He was untouchable. 

Namjoon found the idea of spending a dinner your parents rather bland and unsatisfying, his mind was crying for him to do anything to get you to squirm at the dining table. While still holding conversation with your parents he crept his hand under the table, easily finding his fleshy target. Your skirt hiked up as his nails found purchase in your skin, leaving crescent shaped indents in its wake. 

Your parents smiled and laughed as the devil played with their daughter under the table, enjoying the stupidity of those around him. This was all his fantasies coming true, no one knew better than to follow his charming features and lilted voice into the depths of hell. 

Shaking from the fear of what your parents might notice, you attempted to pull away from his calloused touch. The reaction wasn't what he wanted, he abruptly pulled back at your disobedience - a scowl contorting his face into an unreadable mask. "I'm afraid we'll have to cut this short, (Y/n) and I have an emergency back at the apartment." His delicate tone covered any trace of undoubted anger.

He more or less ignored your parents as he rushed you to the car, only one thing occupied his mind. God he wanted you dead. Upon reaching the car out of sight of your parent's house, he pulled his fist back.

Moments passed as you felt the pain of knuckles meeting your jaw, the flashes of blood shook you to the core. As you crumbled to the ground, his touch hauling you into the backseat almost felt like that of a lovers - gentle and loving. But you knew better.

This was his love.

Clubs were his favorite place to show his power over you, he had forced you to drink more shots than you could count - each of them burning a hole in your throat.

Clubs were also your favorite place when it came to being near Namjoon, you were someone else when smashed between bodies and so drunk off your umpteenth shot that is was easy to forget the man you would be spending the night with.

Even Namjoon could take away your high with one quick swipe of the arm, leading you to a lounge that was far from friendly. You know this corner well even with your lack of steady, conscious thoughts - these people were beyond life, ascending every idea of heaven, their blood was singing with a rotten substance you had attempted to avoid your entire life.

The point of pulling away from the cruel male had come and gone, this way your fate for the night. Maybe God would take pity on you, maybe Namjoon would put too much in the syringe, maybe you would just pass out and feel the claws of the true devil digging into your arm, dragging you to the undeserved spot in hell.

You were so far gone, you could only watch on as he tightened the band to bulge out your veins, he was an expert. The syringe was filled to the perfect amount, pristine and ready to penetrate skin. Even your vodka buzz couldn't save from the initial pain of the prick, but you knew it would quickly wash away and ascend into a euphoric hallucination. Your fidgeting easily gave way to the force Namjoon was using to keep you in place, maybe this was love. He could take away the pain with a simple pin prick, truly he must have meant well if he was doing this for you, right?

Everything was beautiful, a spinning world that held gems like Namjoon - ready to hold onto you all night. You loved this feeling, you were free, maybe not as high from other substances but you felt blessed. The affliction of Namjoon's presence had finally changed to something pleasant, he made you feel heaven for once in your relationship. 

Namjoon couldn't help but chuckle at your tinted cheeks, you were gorgeous with this new substance running through your veins. He leaned down to your ear, gingerly brushing his lips against the lobe. "Do you want to have some real fun, baby?" His breath reeked of alcohol as it whistled through his teeth. "You want to watch as I find a new toy? You'd like that wouldn't you, doll?" Glistening teeth lower to the taut skin of your neck, eventually smearing with blood as incisors broke skin. He was the personification of death but god did you love it. 

"Anything for you." You were fully aware of the bitter taste of Namjoon and its affect on your life. But you couldn't imagine life any other way. You had already submitted to rotting away, at least you wouldn't be put in the ground alone. Your personal devil would be six feet under holding your hand at every step. Beatings, sex, and drugs - this was how he proved his love, you the willing victim always at the ready to accept his intimacy. 

You loved him and you couldn't help it. 

A/N: Honestly I hate how I ended this, I had planned on adding more to it but I couldn’t really bring myself to do it. I’m not fond of myself for writing this, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth so we’ll see how long I actually keep this up for. Once again I do not believe any of the boys would ever put someone through this, I was given a prompt and I wanted to write something so here it is. Sorry. Also this is slightly unedited so I would like to apologize for that and as my final note I am currently looking for a beta reader - I unfortunately can not catch all of my mistakes and there are major parts of writing where I lack finesse. Tbh I really liked how this read in the first few paragraphs and then it turned it to useless word vomit :/

[souper-panda-rose]

Not Part of the Plan (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Summary: Dean is hiding a something. Will you trust him after it’s revealed?

A/N: not based off a song. Thought I’d change it up a bit. Enjoy~

“The soup is kinda bland,” you started. “So you'll have to add your own Olive oil, salt, pepper, Slap Ya Mama, garlic, hot sauce, whatever.”

Sam snorted, “yeah. Okay.”

“What?”

“Slap Ya Mama? Really?”

“It's… it's a spice…” you trailed off. When Sam just raised an eyebrow you stood. “I swear it is.”

You handed him the shaker of seasoning salt and watched him examine it.

“Huh,” he looked at you. “Your weren't lying.”

“Why would I?”

Sam shrugged and shook some into his soup before taking a bite.

“Well?”

“It's good.”

You smiled and ate your soup, “you heard anything from Dean? Where is he?”

“Uh, he said there was an emergency and couldn't come.”

“Emergency? Is everything okay?”

Sam just shrugged, “I tried asking but you know him. Not very forthcoming with the information.”

“Yeah,” you sighed.

He often missed the dinners you had planned with the boys. Dean was always getting into fights with… seemingly anyone he could piss off. Honestly it shouldn't surprise you anymore. And you guessed it didn't but it worried you to no end. What if one day it went too far?

You sighed again at the thought, tears threatening to spill over. But you fought them back unwilling to shed them, even in front of Sam.

The next time you saw Dean was a couple days later. You, him and Sam had decided to meet up for coffee at a local place.

You had already ordered a drink and claimed a table by the time they walked in. And Dean looked like hell. He had a black eye and his right arm was in a sling.

Your eyes widened and you waved them over.

“What the hell happened?” you kept your voice low so you wouldn't make a scene.

“Bar fight,” he answered - a little too quickly.

“Oh… was that the emergency from the other night?”

“Yeah. Had to go to the ER.”

“Hey I'm gonna go order our drinks. Coffee black?” Sam asked Dean. He nodded and Sam went to order.

Dean sat and you two chatted. Every now and again he’d have to draw your attention back on him as you had gotten lost in his eyes or in counting the freckles on his face - there were a lot.

Sam eventually came back with his and Dean’s drinks. And after hours of talking, Sam got called into work. Once he left you invited Dean over to your place for lunch. He accepted and you two drove to your apartment.

When the two of you arrived you went into the kitchen.

“So, what’ll you have?” you asked the green-eyed man.

Dean shrugged, “whatever you got. I'm easy.”

You nodded, “salads it is then.”

When he made a face of disgust you laughed and looked in your fridge to see what you had.

“Chicken salad? We’d have to make it. But it won't take long. We just have to debone the chicken and chop some things,” you suggested.

“Sounds good. Want me to do the chicken?”

“If you don't mind,” you handed him most of a leftover rotisserie chicken and he set to work.

You put some tunes on and started chopping the veggies and such. A couple minutes later Dean got a phone call and he washed his hands before stepping out to take it. With him gone you really got into the music. Singing along and dancing a little. You got so distracted you didn't hear Dean come back in until he spoke.

“You shouldn't dance around with a knife, Y/N,” he chuckled.

You screamed and dropped the knife. Dean quickly shoved you out of the knife’s reach, causing you to land on your butt. You groaned and laid back, slightly dizzy.

“Sorry,” Dean frowned. “You alright?”

You nodded. Dean offered you his good hand and you took it. He helped you up with a little too much force that neither of you expected and it pushed Dean flat on his back with you landing on him - and his bad arm. Now it was his turn to groan and yours to frown.

“Sorry…”

“Don't be. My fault,” he looked at you, his eyes glancing down at your lips and back up to your eyes.

You got lost in those eyes and before you knew it, you had your lips pressed to his. And he was kissing back. Your heart fluttered with excitement. But all too soon he was pulling away and wiggling out from underneath you.

“I-I'm sorry,” he mumbled. “I have to go.”

Before you could tell him to stop, he was out the door.

It's been weeks since you last saw Dean. For a while you two would talk on the phone but after a while you played phone tag and then… nothing. You have even seen Sam much. He still at least talked to you. Said they were just busy with work. Which you guessed you understood. Your work kept you busy too but… you always tried to make time for them.

You sighed and decided to text Dean to see if he and Sam wanted to get together for pizza and a movie. But after hours of waiting. There was still no answer so you decided to turn on your own movie.

About a half hour in, you heard some noises. However, you chalked it up to an overactive imagination and continued watching your movie. Which proved to be a mistake.

A few minutes later, hand cloth was firmly pressed to your mouth and nose and a hand was at the back of your head to keep you from moving away. Minutes later, despite your struggling and trying to push your attacker away, everything went black.

When you woke up, everything was pitch black. You looked around in a panic and tried bringing your hands to your eyes but couldn't as they were tied behind your back. Then you felt another cloth press to your mouth and nose. And just like before, within minutes you were passing out again.

When you woke next you were tied to a chair in a dimly lit, musty smelling, windowless room.

You groaned the intensity of a headache very present. You were about to call out but you didn't need to. A man came in with a glass of water. He had dirty blond hair and blue eyes.

“Hello, Y/N,” the man said. You opened your mouth to speak but he just pressed the glass to your lips and tilted up a little, coaxing you to drink.

You pressed your lips together but he was intent on you drinking. He pinched your nose shut, forcing your mouth open and pour the water in your mouth. You choked and tried spitting it out but some managed its way down your throat.

“Gotta keep you hydrated. Or old Deano will think I'm not very hospitable,” the man said.

“Dean,” you looked at him. “Did he…”

“Did he send me to kidnap you? God no. He's FBI. I'm running this operation here. You're bait.”

“Bait?”

“Oh don't play dumb with with me. We both know you've gotten close to our boys during their little deep cover operation.”

“Deep cover?”

The man just sighed, “you hungry? I've got a great chef. Will cook you whatever you want.”

“This… this is a joke right?”

“Joke?”

“Yeah. Dean has been avoiding me for weeks after my kissing him and now he's set up this whole kidnapping and bait scenario to tell me he's not interested. Well I get it. Hint taken. Will you untie me now?”

“Uh… not gonna happen,” he eyed you in amusement. “Holler if you need anything.”

With that, the man left. You sighed and looked around what you assumed to be an abandoned building of sorts. Or at least a staged one. Though, it looked - and felt - a little too real to be a set. But what did you know?

So you sat there. For… you don't even know how long. But you were starting to get hungry. And you refused to ask for a meal. This guy had tied you up and expected you to cooperate in whatever “kidnapping” he's setting up so Dean can not come rescue you so you’ll back off or whatever.

You must've fallen asleep because you were startled awake by what you could only assume were gunshots.

You panicked and pulled against your restraints and tried to remind yourself it wasn't real. And you were almost there when Dean busted through the door to your room. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw you.

“Sammy!!” he yelled out the door. “I found her!”

Dean went behind you and began untying you.

“Dean?” you yawned. “You came for me?”

“Of course I - why wouldn't I come?”

“Because this is all an elaborate ruse to get me to leave you alone,” you rubbed your freed wrists tiredly.

“What?” he came around to look at you. “This isn't a - we don't have time for this we need to get you out of here. Stay close.”

With that he grabbed your arm and began leading you through the building that was in fact abandoned. People shot at us along the way but Dean shielded you with his body and soon both of you - and Sam - were jumping into the Impala and driving off and breakneck speeds.

Once the adrenaline wore off, you looked around taking in the environment of sparse trees and wildflowers that lined whatever back road you were on - now in shock from the events of the last several hours.

“You okay, Y/N?” Sam looked back at you. When you didn't answer he continued. “I'm sure you've got a lot of questions but… you should rest for now. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”

You wordlessly laid down and tried calming your mind but to no avail. And after a while of tossing and turning Sam had you take some sleeping pills which did their job efficiently.

When you woke next you were in a bed in what appeared to be some sort of dingy motel. The wallpaper was peeling and everything… had a certain smell that you didn't want to think about. You sat up, feeling a slight headache from the sleeping pills and looked around.

Sitting at the small table in the corner was Sam and Dean. They were talking in hushed tones still, not having noticed you were awake until you coughed. Dean looked over.

“Y/N…” he trailed off. But it was clear he wanted to say more so you cut him off.

“Where are we?”.

“The less you know the better,” Dean told you.

You rolled your eyes, “seriously? You guys… you’ve basically kidnapped me here.”

“We’re not the kidnappers, Y/N,” Sam gently spoke. “We -”

“Save it, Sam. I'm mad at you too.”

“You're mad?” Dean looked at you in disbelief.

“Hell yeah I'm mad! I kissed you and then you avoided me for weeks. And now that you've saved me from psycho it’s all suddenly okay?!”

“I'm uh…” Sam pointed to the door before leaving brusquely.

“I… I know it’s not okay, Y/N. And I'm sure you've got a lot of questions so… ask away.”

“That man… he said you and Sam - if those are even your names - were in deep cover. Why?”

“We were trying to catch Lucifer’s trail. Hopefully catch him off guard. But I guess he's been watching us.”

“Was it all a lie?”

“Was what all a lie?”

“Our friendship. Or what friendship we had. You guys were so busy all the time. Guess I know why now,” you mumbled the last part.

“It wasn't all a lie. At first it was. Meeting you… Lucifer had called you a couple days before we rolled into town so we thought it’d be beneficial to get close to you. Later on we realized he must've called the wrong number bc no further contact was made so -”

“So it was all a lie. I was just some plan to get close to your target”

“Y/N… no. It wasn't all a lie. Our friendship was real and Y/N… falling in love with you was never apart of the plan.”

He kept talking but you had stopped listening at his words.

“He… he loved me,” you thought, tears welling up.

“Oh don't cry. Please don't cry, Y/N,” Dean got up, sat next to you and placed a comforting hand on your back.

You shied away from his touch and curled in on yourself.

You loved him too but… he had lied to you and tried using you. He said it wasn't part of the plan but how did you know he was telling the truth.

“So… you love me,” you said as more of a statement. Dean nodded and you hesitantly continued. “So uhm… what do you want to do about that?”

“Well, for starters, I'd like to take you out. But… now’s not really a good time. Lucifer’s going to be after you now so we have to focus on keeping you safe.”

You looked up at him. He really looked sincere so… maybe you could see where this goes?

“Yeah. We can go out sometime,” you smiled.

Dean grinned brightly and kissed your cheek, “I won't keep you waiting too long then. Don't worry.”

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1979

Under the cut.

I discuss Michael Jackson’s life and actions a little bit underneath here. So be warned if that’s something that will upset you.

The Bee Gees -- "Too Much Heaven" -- January 6, 1979

Uugh. When The Bee Gees weren't releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto disco, they were releasing bad, bloodless, falsetto lite "rock." Also the lyrics are about how love is soooo hard to get, so they're special since they have love, and yuck. Nonsense and glop.

Rod Stewart -- "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" -- February 10, 1979

I laughed out loud when I saw this next on the list. People can't have taken it seriously in 1979, right? It was seen like "I'm Too Sexy", yes? Even though Rod Stewart was a "serious" singer -- come on, this is a ridiculous song. It isn't about the narrator; it's about two people meeting on a dance floor and then going to have what's probably a one-night stand. But when Rod Stewart sings the chorus, it sounds like it's about him. It's a highly unsexy and very silly song.

Gloria Gaynor -- "I Will Survive" -- March 10, 1979

The joy I feel listening to this song. It's the best disco song. The bright piano flourish opens to Gaynor's amazing voice and phenomenal singing ability. She sells her anger at the guy who's "back to bother" her, along with the assertion that she's now totally confident and is gonna do great without him, will all her life to live and all her love to give. The lyrics are great, which is incredibly rare for any dance song. The music is great. And Gaynor is perfect. You can belt it in the car and it drives people to the dance floor. Just an amazing, incredible song.

The Bee Gees -- "Tragedy" -- March 24, 1979

The real tragedy is that The Bee Gees shat up disco. What could it have been if not for their influence? There were disco singers and groups who escaped it, but Barry Gibb and Friends' clogging of the charts kept out so many worthy acts. Lots of synth on this song, and synth can be really cool (I'm a diehard fan of The Alan Parsons Project), but the Bee Gees made it boring and turgid. Then that damned falsetto. I don't care about the lyrics, I just want to not hear the Bee Gees again ever.

The Doobie Brothers -- "What A Fool Believes" -- April 14, 1979

The guy the song is about thinks he's going to get an ex back because she was nice when he met her again. He's a fool, and "no wise man has the power to reason away." The music's good, too, a sort of mild rock. "Yacht rock" I suppose. The sentiment is kinda country music though. Good song, anyway.

Amii Stewart -- "Knock on Wood" -- April 21, 1979

What is that in the background? A synth sound, obviously, but it sounds like -- a washboard? I have no idea, but it's annoying. This is a cover of an older soul song by Eddie Floyd that's pretty good, but they wreck it here. The amount of gunk clogging it up is painful. Also Amii Stewart doesn't modulate at all, her voice is a constant blare. Headache-inducing.

Blondie -- "Heart of Glass" -- April 28, 1979

The 80s are coming. Blondie does interesting things with synth here, the beat's irresistible, Debbie Harry's voice is unique, and the lyrics are about an ended relationship that was "a pain in the ass." Not some huge broken-hearted thing, despite the "heart of glass" lyric. Just... done, that didn't work, moving on. Not that the lyrics particularly matter here. It's all about the interesting, different-sounding music.

Peaches & Herb -- "Reunited" -- May 5, 1979

If synth can sound more synthetic than usual, that's how this song begins. It's about a couple getting back together, but it doesn't sound like they were ever in a lot of pain or that they're really excited now. There's some neat guitar stuff. It could be worse. But mostly it's bland.

Donna Summer -- "Hot Stuff" -- June 2, 1979

It's a disco song, but with a lot more rock in it than disco usually has. Maybe that's why it's survived so much better than most disco. The narrator wants one of her lovers (of whom she obviously has many) to answer the phone so that she can get laid. It's the ballad of Romance Sims. It's fun.

Bee Gees -- "Love You Inside Out" -- June 9, 1979

Well, ew. This guy's whining that the woman he loves has too many lovers but he's the one who will "love you inside out," whatever the hell that means. It sounds like a serial killer. She needs to dump him, and also probably move and change her name. And, of course, there's Barry Gibb's horrible orchestration and falsetto.

Anita Ward -- "Ring My Bell" -- June 30, 1979

Disco, of course. He's been gone for a while and she's singing to him "you can ring my bell." So, they're gonna celebrate his homecoming with lots of sex. The lines "You can ring my bell, ring my bell/ (Ring my bell/ ding-dong-ding)" repeat a couple hundred times. The background synth sounds are painfully repetitive. Like something on The Prisoner used to brainwash people. And Anita Ward sings in a Betty Boop-ish sort of childish voice that I also find annoying. It's not Bee Gees bad, but it's bad.

Donna Summer -- "Bad Girls" -- July 14, 1979

"Bad girls" are not the same as "sad girls." Sorry, this song might be fine or even good, but that one line has always bugged me way too much. So does the police whistle.

Chic -- "Good Times" -- August 18, 1979

Disco about how "happy days are here again" for now. The lyrics are obviously pretty shallow, but at least there is a line about how it won't last forever. That's not my problem anyway. My problem is that the chorus bores me, musically. Like, it hurts. There are two notes I think? And the beat is the same throughout. I always sort of ignored this song before, but on actively trying to listen to it, I have started to hate it. It doesn't interact well with my brain chemistry.

The Knack -- "My Sharona" -- August 25, 1979

This became a hit again when Reality Bites came out. So I danced in a convenience store to it my freshman year of college. We were "of the younger kind" then, considering I was 17. That made me like the song better -- it was about me! Rock isn't supposed to be clean, and you're really not supposed to take it as advice. The riff is amazing, and I love this song.

Robert John -- "Sad Eyes" -- October 6, 1979

I've never heard this song before. The music box sounding intro lasts a while and lulls you into complacency before the horrible falsetto kicks in. Not only extremely 70s white man falsetto, but an entitled brat of a man breaking up with a woman and being put out that she's looking at him with "sad eyes." Incredibly bad in an incredibly 70s way. I can see why I've never heard this song before. It's absolutely terrible.

Michael Jackson -- "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" -- October 13, 1979

Sigh. All right, now that he's an adult, gotta tackle Michael Jackson. He was a rampant and, as far as we know, unrepentant child molester. He destroyed people in the most personal way possible short of actual murder. (Phil Spector is still worse.) He was murdered through at least extreme malpractice by his doctor. He was forced into stardom as a child himself. And he was a huge, massive, incredibly gigantic star, even after he became a punchline. I was never a big fan, but like most children of the 80s, I loved some of his songs and spent a lot of time doing the moonwalk, or as close as I could get. I feel an immense amount of pity for him, along with utterly despising him, along with admiring his talent, along with being sickened by the fact that Hollywood and the music industry knew and no one did anything about what he was doing. All in all, I end up at this place: Child stardom must end.

Okay, now for the music. This song takes forever to actually start. Also I have actually never heard it before today. Probably because it's falsetto. Jackson's falsetto is obviously far superior to Barry Gibb's, but it's still falsetto the whole song. The riff is great once it starts, and everything about the music should be good -- but, falsetto. The whole time, as far as I can tell. I can't listen to all of it. Whose idea was it that falsetto should ever be anything other than an occasional few bars? Was it Frankie Valli? I'm gonna blame Frankie Valli.

Herb Alpert -- "Rise" -- October 20, 1979

It's a jazz-funk instrumental and it's pretty good. Piano, guitar, trumpet, some kind of glittering thing -- xylophone? Bells? The people laughing like it's a laid-back party are annoying, but not enough to wreck the song. If this doesn't play on every cruise ship ever, they're missing a trick.

M -- "Pop Music" -- November 3, 1979

I saw the title, and thought I didn't know the song. Then I heard the first bars of the song and went, "OH this one." It's New Wave. I love a lot of New Wave, but this one's on the purposefully shallow end, rather than the Eurythmics end. The lyrics are nonsense, but the beat is pretty irresistable. Which makes it a dance song, whatever its intent. One of the lines is, "Dance in the supermarket," so it probably was intended to be danced to. In any case, I find it pretty forgettable, but fine.

The Eagles -- "Heartache Tonight" -- November 10, 1979

I've heard this song before, but not often. I'm not sure if it's about sex before a breakup or about cheating. Don Henley does not have Elvis' voice, though he seems to be trying to reach that level. Real power is required for the chorus, and Henley lacks it. If this were sung by Freddie Mercury, we'd have something. Queen also would have brought more musical interest generally. But as-is, it doesn't work for me.

The Commodores' -- "Still" -- November 17, 1979

Lionel Richie was still the frontman/ writer for The Commodores here. Should I explore why I can't stand Lionel Richie's music? I'd have to listen to it more to fully understand. It always sounds totally insincere to me. The songs themselves are too slow. This one doesn't have a bassline. It's so polished and gloopy. And in this song, that pause between "I love you" and "still" is both highly predictable and entirely phony. I managed to listen to the entire song, and I rolled my eyes throughout, but especially at that last whispered "still." Oh he's just so sad puh-leaze. Crying his way to the bank.

Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer -- "No More Tears" -- November 24, 1979

I hate Barbra Streisand's singing and like Donna Summer's. I wish this were just Donna Summer. If it were, I'd probably like the song. It's slow for almost 2 minutes, then becomes disco. Streisand isn't able to do as much self-loving in a fast dance song, but it's still there. I tried to find a version with just Donna Summer and failed. So, I dunno, the fact that I can actually listen to the whole thing makes me think it's the most tolerable song with Barbra Streisand in existence. But it would have been so much better without her.

Styx -- "Babe" -- December 8, 1979

Styx was prog rock, but watered-down, simplified prog-rock. Lite prog rock, as weird as that is. But they still had that massive theatricality of prog rock, which I like, and they were great for places like Pine Knob. Outside of those massive arenas, they don't work for me. Dennis DeYoung, the writer and singer of this song, belts the whole way through. Yeah, he hits the notes, but he doesn't seem to realize you're supposed to sometimes modulate, even on a power ballad. Meh.

Rupert Holmes -- "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" -- December 22, 1979

If you take this song seriously, you're likely to hate it. It ain't that deep. It's a goofy song about a goofy thing -- both he and his wife are bored and want to cheat, so they write personal ads, and lo, they answer each other's personals! Though how that happens when they're the blandest Reaganite yuppies ever, I'm not sure. Maybe it's because they're both full of themselves ("if you have half a brain.") I enjoy this song because it is catchy, silly, and totally non-serious. I do not like pina coladas, btw.

BEST OF 1979: "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. WORST OF 1979: "Love You Inside Out" by the Bee Gees