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lovrre · 1 year

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Finally found |prt 2

Prt2 Of lost and found| ♫ shades of cool by Lana DelRey

Joel miller x fem reader

Prt 1 here>>

Word count: 3k

Summary: after seeing the love of your life again you deal with the challenge that is telling him he has a daughter.

Warnings: lots of Angst, cursing, mentions of suicide, smut, unprotected sex, probably some other stuff…

Author note: this is part two, to a three to four-part series I don’t know for sure yet how many I'll write. The next part will be getting into Ellie's relationship with Rae and how she feels about the whole thing, I wrote this part to (shades of cool by Lana Del Rey ) anyways enjoy🌞

Rae walks out of the room, slamming it behind her and leaving Tommy. Walking into the living room, Rae’s eyes land on you and Joel, your lips still on his. Rae stands there for a second, her face scrunched up in disgust. “I can’t right now,” Rae says, shaking her head in disapproval before walking towards the exit. Making her presence known, “Rae-“ you say, watching Rae leave through the front door, the screen closing hard behind her. “ I need to talk to her” you sigh out, looking back at Joel with sad eyes. “ Yeah, go,” Joel says, a part of him not wanting you to leave. You slowly walk towards the door, stopping once you get there.

“Don’t go anywhere please” you say, your voice almost a whisper, the feeling of years off without him bubbling in your stomach. “I’m not moving,” Joel says, his eyes not leaving yours. “Good” You nod before walking out the door, leaving Joel with his thoughts. One of them being, if it wasn't him who was the father of your Daughter, then who was and what was the possibility you were still with him? Tommy slowly walks out of the room, interrupting Joel’s thoughts.

Joel stares him down, intensely before speaking “We need to talk” he says, his voice low and angry. The back door of the old house opens and August walks into the living not looking up, talking fast. “I just spoke to Robin, your mom passed out? W-”August finally looks up, his eyes landing on Joel and Tommy in the living room. “ What The fuck?”

~~~

You follow Rae’s tracks in the snow to a nearby bench, She doesn’t say anything as you approach, keeping her eyes forward staring Into the distance. “Rae?” You say hoping for a response, there isn’t one, she says nothing, continuing to look forward. You don’t say anything else, silently sitting next to Rae on the bench. You two sit in silence for a while before you decide to talk, you begin fidgeting with your hands looking for what to say.

” When you were born the first thing I thought was “wow she's so beautiful”…and the second thing I thought was how am I going to do this alone. I wasn't alone though, your aunt was there, She got me through the first half of your life without Joel, but when…” you take a deep breath before continuing.

“ But when she died, I think I started getting confused… It felt like I was losing them at the same time, even though he had been gone years before, after that, I felt like had to focus on The past to stay sane….you know?” Rae’s eyes begin to blur as tears fill her eyes, but she doesn't look at you keeping her eyes on the snow in front of her. “ I'm sorry, baby, you have every right to be mad at me,” you say, watching Rae’s leg lightly, bouncing up and down, something she often did when she was stressed or upset. She still doesn't say anything. “Rae talk to me please,” you say, getting a bit closer, your eyes starting to well up with tears.

“That's the thing, I'm not even mad at you, I'm upset with him… I know I shouldn’t be mad at him, I know that…it doesn’t make sense for me to be, he didn’t even know, it’s just-“ Rae takes in a big deep breath“ I’ve seen you cry over him for Days and Days on end…and I think after a while it just became easier to blame him for your pain so didn’t have to acknowledge mine” you nod and wipe away your tears.” not just that, mom I'm scared, fuck I'm terrified…” she says taking in another deep breath of cold winter air before continuing “I'm scared he won't like me or even give a fuck that I'm his…12-year-old me would dream every day for a miracle like this. After all, you told me about him, I always wished I could have met him but Now he’s here… It feels more like a burden than a miracle”.

Her words linger in the air for a second, making your heart hurt. You understood what she was saying, but it was hard thinking about the fact she might never see him the way you see him.“ did you speak to him while I was passed out?” you ask, Rae shakes her head. “So he doesn't know?” you ask, your face scrunching up slightly in sadness. “Nope,” Rae says, letting out a dry laugh. “ I think I'll leave that to you,” Rae says, giving her thighs a slap before standing up from the bench to walk away. You stand up following her, You can see that she's hiding her emotions trying to seem ok when she's not. “Rae, look at me,” you say, walking in front of her, her eyes don't meet yours. “I'm sorry, you deserve so much better than this, but I promise you if he could have been there he would have…” you say, placing your arms on her shoulders, rubbing up and down to trying to comfort her

Rae lets out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in, finally letting herself cry, you pull her into a hug. “That's why it hurts so bad,” Rae says, her cries muffled in your shoulder. “ We lost so much time, this whole time I could have had a- ” Rae chokes up, pushing back from the embrace, whipping away her tears with the back of her hand. “I'm ok” she says trying to gather herself, You couldn’t tell if she was telling you or herself. Once she's finished wiping her tears, you bring her back into an embrace kiss her on her forehead .“it’s ok not to be ok baby, everything will be ok I swear” you say looking into her eyes, she gives you a weak smile in return “you should go talk to him,” Rae whispers, gesturing to the director of the old house. You nod and watch as she walks away In the opposite direction. “And when you’re done, tell him I’m ready to talk whenever he is” Rae says her back still facing you as she walks in the direction of August’s house

~~~

You enter the house, and it’s dead silent, not a person in sight. Your heart starts beating fast involuntarily, “Joel!” You call out as you walk further into the house. No answer “JOEL, JOEL” suddenly your breath becomes short, and you feel dizzy like you're going to fall over. Unexpectedly, a hand comes up and grips your shoulder. “ I’m right here, I’m right here y/n,” Joel says, reassuring you, you take a deep breath, your eyes locking on his. You move out of his grasp, slightly embarrassed.

“Sorry, I don't know what that was,” you say, trying to shake off the anxiety your body was still feeling. “ You get dizzy every often like you can't stand up straight, heart beats real fast, and you can't breathe?” you nod “yeah,” you say, your voice almost a whisper. “ I Get them too” his words make you feel less alone. You give him a light smile and he looks like he's about to say something else, but is interrupted by the loud slam of a truck door followed by the sound of an engine starting.

“Stay right here, I'll be back,” Joel says before leaving you to go out the front door, his footsteps loud and heavy like he was upset. You see August in the corner of the room, he gives you a little wave and an awkward tight-lipped smile when your eyes meet his. Walking towards you, he speaks, “good to see you're alive Ms. Y/l/n, I heard you fainted in the dining hall…shit I would too” he says, placing his hand on your shoulder. You nod “yeah I’m ok now” August nods “good, good… that's good to hear, you want to talk about …what’s going on with that,” he says, his head gesturing to the direction Joel just went. You turn around and see Joel standing by Tommy's car, through the window. They look like they were arguing “long story…to long” you say tiredly.

“ I think I gathered a bit of it, You just missed the yelling contest in here a couple of minutes ago,” August says, looking out the window with you. “And you just stayed and watched?” You ask raising an eyebrow,August shrugs “there wasn't much I could do. I thought about walking out in the beginning but that would be a bit embarrassing.” you sigh “probably…August can you do me a favor,” you ask cutting yourself off, he nods “yeah sure,” he says putting his hands in his pockets probably try to keep warm because of how cold the room was. “Can you tell Rae I said she can sleep over at your house tonight if she wants I know she needs a friend right now and I think she’s already over there with your mom” you say, going over to sit on the old couch. “Ok I’ll tell her, I'm headed over there right now anyway,” August says, walking towards the door, but he stops before walking out. “I really do hope all this shit gets resolved for you and Rae,” he says with a little frown before walking out of the house.

“Me too…me too” you mumble to yourself, wiping your face with your hands and letting out a long sigh. After a few minutes of sitting on the couch, you doze off. You dream of the same thing you have dreamed of off on and on for the last 20 years, usually, in the dream, you're outside. With Joel, Sarah, and Rae. it's always Rae as a toddler though. You guys are having a picnic with the old blanket you and Joel used to use on dates. The sun is always just about to set, and the girls are playing together. Then like clockwork Joel looks at you and smiles, then just as he leans forward to kiss you the ground separates into two.

Splitting you up, you and are Rae on one side and Joel and Sarah on the other. But this time, you're woken up by Joel before the ground can separate. Your eyes flutter open to see Joel staring at you with an unreadable expression. His hand slowly comes up to wipe a tear you didn't even know was on your face. You feel at home with his hands on your face, not saying anything, Joel just leaves it there savoring the feeling of your skin against yours. “You were having a nightmare,” Joel says finally moving his hand away from your face. “How long was I asleep?” you ask sitting up and looking around the dimly lit room, the little bit of sunlight outside lighting it “an hour,” Joel says sitting on the couch. “An hour why did you let me sleep that long?,” you ask shocked “ you looked like you needed it,” Joel says nonchalantly.

~~~~

You offer to talk to Joel somewhere less dust-ridden, and you two get into your car and make the drive to your house. Though the car ride was short, it was still awkward and quiet, you wonder how it could be this so awkward around someone you surrounded your whole life around. You open your house door, placing your keys on the table next to the door. You take off your shoes before walking to the kitchen and opening the cabinets. Joel dose the same walking slowly through the entrance of the house, looking at the framed picture on the walls.

“Do want some tea?” you ask, looking through the cabinets. “Yeah,” Joel replies, pulling out a chair and sitting at the table in the kitchen. You pull two mugs from the cabinet, placing them on the counter before opening up another cabinet to get the tea bags. “How long have you lived here,” Joel asks watching you struggle to reach for the box of tea. He wants to help but fears overstepping “uuhhh,” you say, attempting to think while trying to reach the tea bags, you do flicking them down with your finger, making them fall onto the counter.

“Me and Rae have been here since the beginning, Rae is my daughter by the way” you say look back at him for a second. “yeah I met her, she had spunk…reminds me of someone I know” Joel says his mind drifting to Ellie for a second. “spunk is definitely a word for it…” you mumble under your breath. “as I was saying met Maria a little while before she and her dad found this place, I was one of the people that helped them build Jackson into what it is now,” you say, placing the tea bags in the mugs. “ Tommy told me about the council, you, apart from that?” Joel asks as you fill-up the kettle with water.” No, it’s not my thing. I tried it for a while, too much responsibility, I rather just sleep in” you laugh, putting the kettle on the stove. “Can you hand me a match, there should be some in that drawer”

You say, pointing to the drawer. As you do, Joel catches a glimpse of a ring on your finger, his thoughts running a mile a minute. Joel stands up, opens the drawer, and gets out a box of matches. He slowly walks toward you, handing you the box

“I have a question, and you can shut me down if I'm prying,” Joel says, his hand lingering on the box. The questions suddenly make you aware of how close you to are. It seems like Joel notices too because he takes a step back , giving you some room. “Yeah, go ahead,” you say, taking the matchbox and turning your back on Joel, so you're facing the stove.

Joel stays silent for a minute as you strike the match against the box, lighting it. “Where's your husband?” Joel asked, finally ripping the Band-Aid off, “My husband?” you say, your face scrunching confused as you place the lit match near the gas. “ I saw your ring,” Joel say, his voice unreadable. You laugh to yourself before turning around to face him, “this ring?” you ask putting down the used match and showing him your hand. Joel nods and your face falls . “You don't recognize it?” you ask. Joel scrunches up, confused for a second before the realization hits him.

“That's mine?,” Joel says, visually shocked, “May I?” Joel asks, gesturing to your hand, you nod, leaning your hand forward, so he could inspect your ring. His hands grasp yours as he examines the years of wear and tear on the ring. Your heart beats fast in your chest and your stomach fills with butterflies at the touch of his hands again, “this is the engagement ring I bought for you twenty years ago ?” Joel asks again, still in shock at how long you had it. His finger now lightly grazing over your knuckles. His hands hot on yours cause electricity to shoot through you. You only nod your head, afraid that if you spoke, your words might come out like a squeak rather than a sentence. “And you never remarried-” Joel shakes his head, realizing his mistake

“I mean have you ever married,” Joel asks, looking up from the ring and down at you, his eyes penetrating your soul, this question being the most important to him. Suddenly, the surrounding air two feels so thick you think like you might choke on it. “ No I never married…you?” You ask trying to sound as nonchalant as possible while turning your back on Joel. While also trying to get away from the heaviness of theair. “No” he replies as You open another cabinet to get the cookies you often eat with tea. Joel stays silent, watching you struggle to reach the tin, this Time he walks up behind you, grabbing it from the shelf.

“Your uhh…” he trails off, not wanting to finish, “ Rae’s dad is he ok with you wearing another man’s ring?” He asks, his breath grazing the back or neck, You freeze at the feeling of him behind you, his chest briefly making contact with your back. “Joel, we're adults, you can ask me if I'm seeing anyone,” you laugh trying to avoid answering while still looking inside the cabinet, “are you?” Joel says, his breath hitting you again. making the hairs on the back of your neck stand. It seemed like he lingered there a second longer than appropriate, and he did, enjoying the warmth that raided off your body as he stood there. He couldn’t help but imagine wrapping his arms around your waist and leaving kisses in the crook of your neck, taking in the scent of you like he used to. “Thank you,” you say when Joel finally moves back and hands you the tin.

Joel moves farther back, watching as you open the tin and put a couple of cookies on a plate before putting the tin on a lower shelf in the cabinet. You tried very hard not to shake as he watched you, the adrenaline pumping through you making you shake like a school girl with a crush.”I have another personal question” Joel says, leaning against the sink, and letting himself relax a little. “ Go ahead,” you say as The tea kettle whistles letting you know it’s finished, you walk over and turn off the stove. Before grabbing the kettle, pouring the hot water into the two mugs from earlier. “Who’s Rae’s father”

His words make you stop completely in your tracks, yet again the loud beating in your chest louder than everything else. You stay silent and continue to pour the water into the other mug. You put the kettle back on the stove and turn to face Joel on the other side of the kitchen. You still don’t say anything, rubbing your hands together trying to stop your hands from shaking. “Can you please put the cups on the table for me?” You ask, Joel's was slightly confused, but doesn’t say anything, just taking the mugs off the counter and placing them on the table. When he’s finished, he sits down at the table. You wait a second before doing the same. The longer you took to answer the more Joel’s mind made up possibilities he thought, yes Rae looked a little similar to him, but maybe that’s because she’s Tommy’s, he did have a thing for you back in the day or maybe your we're taking so long to answer because Rae was a product of Assault, or perhaps she was just his.

You take a slow sip of your tea before you answer, not caring that it scorched your tongue. Once you finished, you slowly put the mug down, “she’s yours” you say, finally ripping off the band-Aid. Joel doesn’t say anything, just slightly leans back in his chair, creating a creaking noise, his face unreadable. You two sit in silence, every sound in the quiet house suddenly amplified. “I thought so,” Joel says, leaning forward and taking a sip of the tea in front of him. “That's it,” you ask, a little underwhelmed with his reaction.

“No, I consider the other possibility but y/n…she looks just like us,” Joel says, a hint of sadness and amusement in his voice. “When was she born,” he asks, putting down the mug. “ May 28th, 2004” you reply, searching his face for some emotion fear,

Anger, sadness, Anything. “ I tracked the dates after the outbreak, so I wouldn't get her birthday wrong,” you say, getting up from the table and walking to the living room, going to get something before coming back with a small diary. You open it up, flipping past the previous diary entries from each day of your pregnancy. You land on the last page of the book and Hand it to him to read. It read:

“ May 28th,2004 is her birthday,

Nia was right, she’s a girl, a beautiful girl at that. I wish her daddy could see her, Nia was there throughout the whole thing, helping me through the pain. I thought I knew pain, but I didn't. I've never felt any pain in my entire life that's comparable to that. Even after all that, I named her Rae, like Rae of sunshine. I felt like I did good for the first ten minutes after her birth until I started crying. Nia had to take her from me after a while because I kept sobbing, which made her cry. I think I was scaring her, I was just so overwhelmed, I kept wishing Joel was there. That he could see her, that he and Sarah could take turns holding her and make jokes about her button nose. They would love her, I know it, I'll just have to settle with telling her all about them. I'm scared, really, really scared of this world, of what Rae will have to live like. I just want her to be safe, I have to protect her with my life.”

Joel finishes reading, his eyes slightly glossy, he takes a minute before speaking. “What happened to Nia?” Joel asks hesitantly, you let out a sigh and he knows the answer. He nods his head sadly in acceptance, sitting back in the chair. Joel wasn't super close to Nia but they got along great when you all would go out. He respected her for being the older sibling who stepped into the parent role, she reminded him a bit of himself “she got bit about four years ago while we were out on a hunt, she didn't even tell anyone she just… When we got home, she was just real quiet you know… I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t do anything and in the morning I found a note”. you say, your words hanging in for a while before you realize you're crying and quickly wipe the tears from under your eyes. “Do you want to see more?” you ask gesturing to the diary, hoping to change the subject. “Yes” Joel nods, his face still unreadable,

“one second,” you say, standing up from the table and walking towards the old closet in the living room. You rummage for a second, looking for the photo album you created throughout Rae’s life. Joel walks over and watches you by the entrance,”got it” you say, turning around and holding the album. You sit on the couch, placing the album on the coffee table and Joel comes over, sitting next to you but far enough that your thighs aren't touching. You notice but don't say anything, opening the Album, you flip to one of the first pictures you ever took of Rae.

It's a picture of you and her as a newborn on the couch, you had your hair back in a bun you looked tired. Rae was tiny in your arms at only a week old, She was wrapped up in an old pink blanket. “She was only a week old here,” you say, pointing to the polaroid, you didn't say it out loud, but you realize how young you looked in the picture and wonder if Joel even found you attractive now. ”I remember this day clearly because I was so tired…she wouldn't stop crying, I think she cried the whole week straight,” you say laughing to yourself, Joel doesn’t say anything. His hand came up to slowly trace over her tiny face in the picture with his finger. “She looks like you,” Joel says, eyes still stuck on the picture. “ I think so… Nia always thought she looked more like you,” you say, giving him a brief glance, hoping you weren't pushing the envelope. “When she got older, she started to look more like you…” you say, flipping through the book looking for older picture of Rae. “Here, she's Two in this one because I broke my camera, it was hard finding another camera and film, but when I did all I did was take pictures”

A ghost of a smile creeps on Joel's face as he looks down at the picture of Rae. Her curly hair was going in every direction, and she had a cup in her mouth that she was chewing on. “Look at her dimples…just like yours, one’s deeper than the other though, but you can see them both when she smiles”

You and Joel both go through the photo album full of Polaroids from Rae’s childhood. You know it hurt him looking at all the memories he missed, but he also liked getting to know Rae through your memories together. You and Joel were flipping through photos looking for a certain picture and catch gimps of Sarah's face before you land on another picture of Rae. You saw it, so you know he saw it too, you don't say anything for a while, you both sit in silence. “Do you want to talk about it?” you say, closing the photo album. Joel stays silent so you keep talking

“When Tommy told me you were alive I just assumed…she was too, he told me some of what happened but-” Joel cut you off “- how about you tell me what happened to you that night and I'll fill in the gaps.” you nod standing up “ok sure… do you want a beer,” you ask walking to the fridge. “Yeah-how the hell did you-” Joel's cut off by your shh’s as you put your finger to your lip. “ I have connections,” you laugh walking back over to Joel with two beers and a bottle opener. You open your beer with the opener before handing it to Joel and sitting back on the couch. You take a swig and let out a long breath before talking,

”that night I got a call from Sarah. She sounded really scared, she was asking me where you were, and I didn't know, so I told her I would come over until you came back… But when I got there, you weren't there. I remember calling you and leaving a message, but I don't think you got it b-” Joel cuts you off “I got it” Joel says, not telling you about how he listened to that voicemail over and over for five years straight until the phone inevitably broke. “Well when I called you and I didn't get an answer, so I drove over there, but nobody was there… When I went to your room searching for you, I got a call from you while I was looking out your window. You know how your window was set up, you could see the whole town… I could see a plane flying dangerously low over the plaza, and then you told me you were driving out of the plaza, it was like before I could even blink, the line went Dead, and I was watching the plane crash.

I stayed in your house for two days after that before I got a tip from Nia about the Army coming door to door, I gathered all the stuff I could and met with Nia a little off the highway, that's how I got the pictures of you and Sarah” Joel lets out a frustrated sigh wiping his face with his hands. “That night I had to bail Tommy out of jail, there were infected damn near running the place, helicopters, police were on every block. I sped home to get Sarah… She asked me to stay and wait because you said you were coming…. But I-I didn't want to risk it so-” you cut him off “It's ok Joel, it’s ok, I understand”.

You say your hand coming out to rub up and down his shoulder to comfort him. “I called you when we got to the plaza to tell you where to meet us, but then the plane crashed, causing the car to crash… Sarah's ankle got hurt during the crash, I carried her…” Joel takes a swig of his beer before continuing. “ We ran into an army patrol guard, and he shot at us…I didn't even realize she was hit…” you continue Rubbing up and down Joel's shoulder trying to comfort him as quiet tears fell from both of your eyes, “I came back for you…” Joel says, looking at you with glossy eyes. “Two days after, I also heard about the same swats coming to people's homes… I had to see” you shake your head, tears beginning to well in your eyes again “Joel don't tell me that…” you sigh taking another swig ”when did you come, in the morning, night , afternoon?” you ask, your face scrunching up in sadness “just before sunset….” Joel says his face reflects your own.

“ Oh God,” you say, rubbing your forehead stressed before taking a long swig of your drink. “You just missed me, by an hour....” you say letting out a dry laugh, digging in the back of your pocket for a cigarette.”if god dose exist he’s a comedian” You say opening the drawer connected to the coffee table and take out a small box of matches. You strike the match against the box lighting it, you lite the cigarette and shake the match putting out the little flame before throwing it in a nearby ashtray. Joel doesn’t say anything, just watching your actions, you take a long pull of the cigarette and Joel finally speaks. “ since when do You smoke?” Joel asks watching you blow out smoke, the sight making him feel something deep down “since last month” you say slightly coughing. “You shouldn't, that shit can kill you” Joel says watching as you take another pull, “ really?” you laugh sarcastically blowing out the cigarette smoke. You gesture the cigarette in Joel's direction raising your eyebrows, Joel sighs and accepts. You smile watching him take a puff, his lip in the same place your lips just were. You shake your head before speaking “ Cigarettes don't suit you,” you say slowly plucking the cigarette for his lips and putting it between yours. Joel watches your movements intensely, his eyes glazing over with lust.

You blow out a cloud of smoke and Before you could react, Joels lips were on yours, and he was pulling you into his lap. He plucks the cigarette out your fingers, quickly, putting it out on the table not breaking the kiss. The kisses are hot and desperate “God I've missed you” he says, breaking the kiss for a second to work at the buttons of your shirt. “ I missed you- I missed this” you laugh as joel rips the rest of your flannel open, making the buttons fall to the floor. He didn’t take your shirt All the way off, leaving it open exposing your breast. He left kisses up your bare chest to your neck, making you shudder under him. “ Fucking beautiful” he whispers in the crook of your neck. He finally pulls back for a moment to fumble with his bet and you sit up for a second giving him space. He eagerly throws his bet to the ground along with his pant that he pushed down. You reseat yourself on Joel's lap and he looks up at you with a smile.

“ fair warning I'm not the young man I used to be,” Joel says, his lips returning to your neck. “I can't tell” you laugh, gesturing to the very hard dick under you. “ I’m not the young woman I used to be either,” you say, your words come out as a moan as Joel’s mouth works around your nipple. “No, you’re better,” he says smiling against your skin. “So fucking beautiful” he whispers, cupping your other Breast. You grind your self on Joel’s groin, and he knows what you want. “ I need to be inside you,” he says pulling down his boxers just enough to free himself, you look down your eyes watering at the size he somehow looked bigger than you remember. He pumps himself a couple of times before spitting on his hand and rubbing it over his head, the sight making you clench around nothing.

“Sit,” Joel says, his voice low a sultry, you obey using your hand and lining yourself up with his dick. You slide down onto him, his size stretching you after so long. “Fuckkkk” Joel groans, you both let out a loud moan at the contact. Your forehead leaning against one another as you try to control your rugged breath, “you hug me so well” he whispers in your ear before starting to create a pace. You grip at his shoulders hard, the sensation already becoming hard to bear. “Joel, I can't take it” you moan as he tightens his arm around your waist so he has had a better angle. “You can take me baby, you’ve done it plenty before” he groans, still thrusting into not letting his hips falter. “Take it” he groans in his groggy country accent, almost enough to make you cum there. Joel's hands slide down between you two, so he can rub your clit, you moan at the contact, your core squeezing around Joel. “Fuck sweetheart just like that,” he says watching you throw your head back in pleasure as you ride him on the couch.

The moans leaving the two were straight-up pornographic, you prayed you locked the front door, so no neighbor would walk in on you riding Joel on the living room couch, it was desperate, sweaty, and lazy but that's what made it so hot. “ I think I'm gonna cum” you moan, the familiar butterfly feeling bubbling up in the pit of your stomach. “ Cum on my dick baby” Joel whispers in your ear as you ride him. “ JOEL, JOEL, JOELLLL” you scream collapsing on top of him, the orgasm making your legs give in. He quickly picks you up by your waist moving you off his dick, so he doesn't cum inside you. He cums all over your inner

thighs, letting out a stream of moans and groans. “Jesus… Y/n you just tried to kill me” he pants out, you smile, leaving a kiss by his ear. “ Never” after all of that Joel re-enters you partially soft “let me stay in here while I charge up” you laugh at his corniness lightly pushing his chest. “ Joel c’mon It's late, I think we better call it a night” Joel's face scrunches up confused. “Y/n I hope you don't really think we're sleeping tonight…we got time to make up for”

~~~~

That night you had that same dream you normally do the one where you and Joel are having a picnic and the grown splits, but this time the ground doesn’t split and after twenty years you finally kiss Joel

The morning came and you and Joel stirred in bed, the sun flooding in from the windows. Somehow you two made it into the bedroom last night. Your naked limbs entangled with each other’s under their sheets. Joel stroked your hair as you slept on his chest, every once in a while wrapping a curl around his finger. His hand comes down to trace the outline of your face and your eyes flutter open at the sensation. You look up at him and smile he does the same “good morning” you say resting your chin on his chest so you have a better view of his face.

“Did I tell you I love you last night?” Joel asks moving a curl out your face, “once or twice” you say sarcastically, remembering how at one point he said it before every thrust. “Well I love you,” he says leaving a kiss on your forehead, his country accent making his words sound so much cuter, “I love you too Joel,” you say turning around, so your head was still on his chest, but you were facing the ceiling. You put your ring up to the sunlight coming in through the window and enjoy the colorful reflection of the light.

Joel's hand comes up to intertwine with yours. “I like how that looks in your finger” jJoel says playing with the engagement ring around your finger. “You do?” You smile trying to look back at him without moving.

“Mmhm” Joel hums enjoying the feeling of your hand on his. “That’s why I’m gonna make it official”

“What!”you ask shocked, quickly turning your head to face him “ you heard me” Joel says smiling

~~~~~~

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#black reader #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x black reader #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x fem black reader #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel miller x black reader #the last of us #joel #joel x y/n #joel x #the last of us x reader #joel miller angst #angst the last of us

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kataiki · 1 year

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Back in August of 2022, I went and got diagnosed with ADD at the age of 36. The diagnosis was a surprise to nobody and was largely just a formality, if I'm being honest.

It's kind of amazing what I got away with growing up with ADD. I felt like people just kind of let me do my thing and it just kind of worked out. It's funny thinking back on the habits I had that most people would be disciplined for.

I was drinking like 6-10 sodas a day like it's no big deal. My parents didn't think it was a problem because I was active (Dance Dance Revolution), was desperate to gain weight (120lbs at 5'10), and did well in school (graduated with honors). Looking back, I was definitely self medicating with caffeine, but like, so what?

I think I would've had a harder time if someone was like "no more soda for you!" without considering how it was helping me along without the need for prescription drugs. I also didn't like coffee at the time (before they became milkshakes), so I probably would've struggled.

I can't believe I got away with the fidget toys, the ones before they were called fidget toys. I think I always had some kind of toy in my hands, and for some reason the teachers let me keep them. Mind you, I went to Catholic school for most of my life. Discipline was paramount, and yet I was just... allowed to have my toys.

My favorite was a plastic... snake ball puzzle? I guess it's a "Rubik's Twist", but I got it out of a vending machine for like 50 cents and I loved it. It was small, quiet, and kept my hands occupied during class. It feels like the kind of thing that would get confiscated, but for some reason I was just allowed to play with it.

The worst toy I got was in high school when I discovered those kneaded gummy erasers. I sketched a lot during class (another thing I was allowed to do for some reason), but the eraser was a toy. I would sculpt things in the middle of class, and do stuff like roll out pieces to make flowers. My hands smelled like rubber, pencil lead, and dead skin all the time. It was awful and I loved playing with it.

Even in college, I had my DS out all the time. I got my minor in mathematics while going through Super Princess Peach and Mario Kart DS (twice, I lose my save at one point).

My friends were jealous of my ability to multitask, but that's the funny thing, right? I was only really able to do well because my brain was engaged in these "distractions", which gave room for all the learning to really be absorbed. It wasn't really that I was able to play and do schoolwork at the same time. It was more like... I'm only able to do schoolwork while I play. Play was necessary for learning, and for some reason I was always allowed to do that.

I remember in grade school, we had a poll in the class about "how much TV were we watching", I think it was in context of advertising or something. A lot of the kids were like 1 hour a day or a few hours a week. I asked if it counted if the TV was on while I was doing other stuff, and it did, so I clocked in at least 6-8 hours a day.

I love my mom and dad for just letting my sister and I to enjoy things. I think I always had a TV in my room, including a small 12" CRT with a VCR built into it. They didn't care what we watched, either. I think their thought was that they wanted us to learn English, but they didn't know how to teach it. They learned by watching TV, so they figured my sister and I could learn by doing the same.

I remember using my TV as an alarm by setting it to turn on automatically in the morning. The guitar riff from the Pokemon Theme Song is a great way to juice up your adrenaline every morning. 10/10, highly recommend.

It was the golden age of Edu-tainment, too. Everything from Seseme Street, Eureka's Castle, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, Blue Clues, Captain Planet, Power Rangers, Animaniacs, etc etc was made for learning. It was mandated, and it was great. I kind of miss those days, especially when Cartoon Network turned into nothing but Gumball and Teen Titan's Go by the time I stopped watching them. There's a certain artistry in making learning fun in a way that doesn't feel like an animated classroom.

I just... don't know why all of this was allowed. Half a case of Soda a day. Video games during class. TV all day, every day. I feel like I'd be a suburban mother's nightmare, but I think it was what I needed. It's not like my parents knew anything about ADD, not that it mattered so long as the grades were good. They just let me go on auto-pilot while I jumped from interest to interest and enabled me when they could. Inadvertently, I think they did what I needed from them, even if it was against the grain of what everyone else thought would be "healthy parenting".

#add #adhd

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readthephible · 2 months

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i've seen people talk about shaymien drifting apart and missing their dynamic- since i know you love them both dearly, what are your thoughts on this?

oh dear anon, idk if you know what you’ve signed up for letting me ramble about them. hiding this under a cut bc it will probably be very long and also like tw speculation

so i’m basically rewording what i sent in an emotional, pms-infused series of messages to my bestie arrow @feral-teeth. i have been making connections and conclusions in my head where i’m having to step back and realizing they’re so parasocial, but i think i just emotionally connect to both shayne and damien so much that it “all” has a deeper meaning to me. keep in mind that this all just thoughts i’ve had as a viewer, it’s not me trying to say that any of this is factual or encouraging anyone to pry. don’t do that please (i, avery smoshpvnk, do not endorse the act of harassing real people with my speculative thoughts of them)

my over-emotional Shaymien Thoughts™️ have progressed with my obsession, mainly looking at the wavelengths over the course of their friendship how they’ve been close, then a little more distant, close, then a little more distant. i don’t have a set in stone timeline for it ofc, especially compared to like dan and phil where we have very solid chronological factors to make sense of things, but a rough outline: so random, they become best friends. they eventually become roommates for a little while. damien moves in with an ex and they drift for a bit while shayne gets miscellaneous roles and eventually books with smosh. shayne opens the door for damien at smosh.

from the get go they’re already a solid duo like in show with no name episodes, we see them closer with the damien and shayne show - so many good moments!!!, smosh pit weekly, then into the mythical era still with a good dynamic like in tntls and stuff. eventually we get hacking off mini series (iconic and under appreciated) that starts in 2019. then they seem to still have a good, standout dynamic through the pandemic videos. hacking off comes back for a bit about 2021. there’s also some GREAT moments from like twitch / heavy baf era (basically the time when saige is there) about them seeming really close, chaotic, having fun (ex. quelf, uno, game of life) there was also a stream damien did (12/14/21) where shayne came to his apartment (that i didn’t know about until recently??? i would die for the vod)

we get closer to the renaissance aka anthony’s back era with stuff like baf legacy series (where damien is touchy with shayne as expected, and also i know at the end of the series he is proud of everyone for the commitment and character work but the way he looks at shayne, kill me) ⬇️

[Image ID: baf legacy betrayal set. the main focus is damien in the middle dressed as mr. grub, smiling up at shayne who is standing to the right of the image and posing with a katana as the chosen. angela is on the left, jaw dropped. End ID]

then, the damien and shayne show revival! that’s where damien unintentionally clears up their timeline in a sense, and it’s cute how he gives a sappy monologue about him and shayne’s friendship. it’s really sweet even though damien did make a joke at the end to deflect from it.

i watched the video when it released, and admittedly i haven’t been a recent (as in last 5 years) smosh watcher since about august, but after this, i have just noticed a bit more of a decline in “joint content” with them. the space in which we have had videos with them together since then and especially this year has been admittedly lengthy. i have respect for my fellow rarepair shippers like how we all experienced the spommy drought, but i feel like with shaymien we have an extensive history of “canon” content rather than more consistent, current content, compared to like ianthony for example where we get to see their dynamic all the time. or anyone + the frequent cast members like shayne, ian, courtney. (i don’t really count shour/tney as a ship bc it’s real and like, not to be touched how i see it. but you do you.) even the ones we’ve got, they haven’t been seated together. (except for smosh mouth, but like, that’s the guest chair.)

could this be because damien is just busy outside of smosh? of course it could. in streams and through social media posts, you can see/tell/hear that he has been traveling, auditioning and working a LOT. i feel like with smosh videos though, besides maybe through the delay of sword af, there wasn’t a huge, monumental difference that oh, damien isn’t in videos as much. like it seems a bit more balanced i guess or less noticeable. but also, shayne has been in a ton of videos this year already, so why haven’t they been casted together with how frequently we see them in videos normally??

we get the we found our so random scripts smosh mouth episode. hallelujah shaymien is reborn. right?

idk, this could be me just totally misinterpreting, but i feel like ever since about the “decline” after the d&s show returns video, i feel like there’s a bit of a disconnect. and now this is me being incredibly parasocial and self projecting, but because i relate to damien so much, i can kind of tell that he is the kind of friend that puts in the majority of the work when it comes to upholding a relationship. is this true for all of his relationships? i have no fucking clue. but it’s something i’ve noticed with shaymien specifically. how they just don’t interact the same or bounce off each other as much as they used to.

i got a comment on one of my compilations that started more of a spiral for me:

[image ID: A YouTube comment saying “The fact that Damien wasn't at Shayne's wedding can be something so shocking and sad to me personally.”End ID]

is this true? who knows, i’m not gonna try to look into it too much, but from what i’ve seen, it makes sense. extremely speculative: surely we would have gotten photos? unless it was actually really small and limited, but why would shelby young post about it then? same with renfaire. you’re telling me they both went but didn’t even meet up?

anyway, it breaks my heart. not just in a shipper sense. at the end of the day, i really just want what’s best for them, i love their friendship and i can admire a relationship being only platonic but so strong. i have a thing for duos and always have because my lack of having a best friend throughout my life. anyway

from what i’ve seen as a viewer: you can tell damien ADORES shayne. ofc in our little alternate universes we take it a step further for fictional fantasy fun purposes, but on camera, you can tell he loves shayne so much. they both have seemingly gone through some rough shit, been very vulnerable, and grew up from being 20 and 21 together - so young and figuring out the world. i believe damien’s dad died around the so random time, and being a young adult moving to la to become an actor, mental health, neurodivergence and therapy, weight issues (me coded!! damien is me!!), relationships, etc. and through 13 years, shayne has been a constant.

you can tell how grateful damien is that shayne has been there, proud of how far he’s come, and what they’ve done together. (again, he kind of summarizes it in the d&s show revival.)

how can you tell?

1.) because of how he looks at shayne when shayne isn’t looking back. the way damien looks at shayne in the smosh mouth episode makes me want to BAWL.

the heart eyes haas is INTENSE. it’s just so tender, loving, sappy, sentimental and sweet—the intimacy of getting to be nostalgic with someone about a very niche, specific time of your life is such a concept to me. only damien and shayne know what it was like to constantly be asked “where’s demi?” then have that moved to “where’s anthony?” from so random to smosh. only they (okay, and maybe some other so random cast members) know what it was like to be a “special guest” for all the episodes and never have a solidified position on a goddamn disney channel show, or what the on set pranks were like, or who the makeup artist was that made you look dead.

damien is the one to mention the “metaphysical soulmate radar”. damien is the one to say it was their big break, just not in the way they thought “for friendship and good connections”. if you are Unwell like me about them, there is still the lowkey amanda playing the third wheel bc they’ve known each other for so long dynamic, but it’s different compared to like, bad 2 sentence horror stories.

2.) how he makes references and talks about shayne when he isn’t even there (recently, jackbox video with smosh theme where he did shayne’s bananas on monday joke). a semi recent stream where a character’s name was shane and he said there was no correlation and got all 🥰 (https://www.tumblr.com/queenofcaradelle/741683580962521088/hellers-brothers)

and this:

[Image ID: A tweet from Trevor saying “shayne blocked me” with a meme image of baby Peter Griffin. Damien’s reply: “The hell did you do? I’ve been antagonizing him for 13 years, and never got so much as a shady subtweet.” End ID]

no one asked bro /lh

3.) scroll back on damien’s instagram a bit and see how much shayne appears. here’s a link: https://www.tumblr.com/smoshpvnk/735024614400524288 but to summarize that post it is THIRTY. PHOTOS. where the focus is just the two of them. the vidcon post from last year where damien shared the text exchange “WE are awful 😌”.

AND DAMIEN’S POST ABOUT SHAYNE’S FUCKING BIRTHDAY. HELLO???

also, i stalked damien’s instagram (not promoting to do that, but i did it) and he is a very, like, proud and happy lover of people! like he wants to shout about them from rooftops! i wasn’t in this fandom for saige era, and damien has deleted those public photos from his instagram, but the photos come up on pinterest for me - they’re very cute, sweet and proud.

(took out the @ name of his ex - not about saige bc of date)

4.) even how he touches shayne: damien is a VERY touchy feely person and usually ghosts his hands or gives very light touches to others, but with shayne, it’s a full grab, it’s a grip on the shoulder, it’s an initiated hug. it’s “heart of the cards” with a bro handshake that shayne thinks is gonna be a high five but damien holds his hand and forces it still. even when he knows a touch wouldn’t necessarily be appropriate, with shayne, damien’s inner thoughts just seem to win so he ghosts it (ex. hacking off where shayne has oreo on his mouth and damien pretends like he’s gonna wipe it off)

— end of examples

damien just loves him so hard and so genuinely. and again, this is only speculation, but especially as of lately, it does not seem that shayne reciprocates that much admiration.

i know exactly how it feels to be damien. to need a person in your life that you can be 100% yourself with, without holding yourself back, because otherwise you feel like you’re going crazy. how you can love and appreciate someone so much it becomes obsessive. that person, that relationship, becomes a core part of your identity. how even if it’s not necessarily romantic, you can develop strong crushes on people that feel so intense and overbearing. how you want to spend so much time with them, envision the two of you becoming so close, jealousy making you really hard on yourself.

i know, and maybe damien does too, what it’s like to be the one who gives 75% in the relationship when the other person is giving 25%. the 75% person is trying so hard to keep it alive when it doesn’t seem like the other one is giving the same amount of effort, and disappointingly, unceremoniously, and ultimately — it fades away or crashes and burns.

i feel like the smosh mouth episode, as beautiful as it is, is a great example. how there is some good back and forth between them, but i feel like it’s heavily dependent on only so random nostalgia, which is great, but it’s not a lot of new information. we know they became friends from being on so random. it’s like finding one common thing you and a coworker have and being forced to work together on it to produce a result. again, i love that episode, i watched it the second it came out and blocked the world out to watch it. and maybe i need to watch it back to squash the little voice in the back of my head saying their dynamic is different now, or maybe i need to watch it again to make that voice louder, or maybe i shouldn’t even touch it bc it will break my heart to analyze.

ofc this is only based on what we see. maybe shayne just isn’t a pda person at all (not just touch, i mean other methods too like the 5 love languages. see: my edit of shaymien x everything i know about love by laufey) or damien’s is so strong it makes his look like nothing (again about the 75/25 though.)

maybe their friendship is absolutely blossoming privately and we don’t see it. maybe they will drift apart for a bit but come back together in an amazing way. maybe their friendship is so strong that it can overcome a (presumed) not speaking period like ianthony. or maybe it isn’t. maybe their friendship isn't as strong anymore because of them being busy with other things, or being on different walks of life (ex. shayne just got married which is presumably taking up a lot of time)

i don't mean that to negate any of damien's accomplishments ofc like boi is successful, but it must be hard in a way to have your best friend hitting such a huge milestone when you're just... with 2 cats. not getting to be with him as much anymore. drifting away from a relationship you thought would last forever. stuck caring so much more than the other person does. understanding that life must go on and so do people but it’s a sad event.

i know that, for me, staying busy and forcibly mindful and in the moment/present (working WAY too much) where you don't even have a choice to stop and think and be in your head sometimes just numbs it and makes you forget, and damien has seemed so busy lately. i’m glad he said in his tuesday 4/23 stream that he plans on taking a break soon and that it doesn’t feel bad to be busy. he’s an adult, he can handle his own life, i’m not trying to baby him.

also, i don’t mean to blame shayne or anyone else for my (admittedly silly) little perceptions of some guys from a youtube channel i love. this is, again, all entirely speculative.

my heart hurts thinking about the potential of them not being best friends anymore, of the lack of content we have seen with both of them recently, of my own perception of how much shayne means to damien. don’t listen to mitski (especially francis forever) and think about shaymien at the same time. but if you do, you better meet me in my dms. don’t think about how we’ve gotten, what, 4 videos with them both this year and it’s already almost may. don’t think about how we haven’t seen anything from shayne to damien lately and how it’s all been damien /about/ shayne, mostly indirectly.

who knows what’s going on. but either way, shayne is a big part of damien’s life. thanks for letting me get on my shaymien soapbox 🫡

#*entry of the gladiators starts playing*#shaymien thoughts #anon #anonymous #asks #shaymien #speculation #tw speculation #rpf #shipping #smoshblr #p #smosh thoughts

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geekgemsspooksandtoons · 10 days

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Alien vs Predator: An Honest Review

Be warned, this is a long and detailed review below that contains spoilers for a nearly 20 year old movie. You'll be surprised by what I say.

I literally just watched the movie. The unrated version because I thought with the added deleted scenes and attempts to make it more R rated may help it out.

I think it's well known or more recently that I'm a big Alien and Predator fan. I wanna say I'm more of a Predator fan, yet I'm still a big fan of Alien. But this also means I actually love the AVP concept. I love the video games; I love the comics. I kind of want to say the original AVP story is my "The Dark Knight Returns" or some stupid shit. And I love AVP 2 2001. To be honest, these two franchises actually fit so well with each other. That I do like seeing the Predator franchise being this "Prequel" series in a sense to the Alien series. Or just the idea they both exist in one timeline. But the movies...

I also wanna reveal something despite I likely have already revealed it before. It was because of that one film from 2004. I was basically introduced to both franchises at the same time. I feel like that may have ruined my perspective on each franchise. But that's another story. But what makes this film special is that this was the reason I'm even a fan of both. This film is the reason I'm writing this now. And it's been years since I've seen the original.

This year, Alien vs Predator will become 20 years old on August 6th. Today is the 37th anniversary for the original Predator. And thanks to two dudes on Discord for encouraging me to make this surprise review of the movie because I was thinking I shouldn't do it. I kept not wanting to watch this movie because of my developed feelings over it. I had a review kind of planned in my head. Especially for AVP Requiem and that's a review I wanted to write EVEN BEFORE I WATCHED IT AGAIN.

But you know what surprised me...despite me being more critical about this film...

I liked it. I still liked it. I wanna say I love it. But I think more so...I genuinely liked it.

But here's what I'm going to do. No, I'm not going to endlessly praise the film, nor am I going to tear it apart. I'm going to review it like any normal movie in a way. I want to list the negatives first. Because this is what I want to get out of the way and be clear about. The stuff that bothers me.

Here's the major thing, and it's not really the writing of the characters, the story, or whatever else...it's the time the movie is set in.

Also, I want to make it clear. For the problems the two AVP movies have, I blame 20th Century Fox for not giving these films higher budgets and whatever else. I'm also blaming John Davis or wanting to set these films on modern Earth. Because while I do agree with people there are problems with Paul W.S. Anderson as a director. Even though I praise the fact he doesn't give a fuck about what critics think. I genuinely believe this dude tried his best with this film, and like what he said. He wanted to respect more franchises. Even though I will always remember the special features that he seemed like he was a bigger Alien fan than Predator. He truly liked both.

I still believe him setting the movie in Antarctica, one of the most remote or isolated places on the planet is actually genius. He knew what he was doing. This also goes into something I like about the movie with its setting. But I'm talking about the time period. And why I still have a problem with this movie, even if I like the fact Anderson understood why it had to be set there. I also think it's really neat Dan O'Bannon and Ronald Shusett were involved with the story. The guys behind the story of the original Alien. Even though the screenplay is still by Anderson.

But again...there's still a problem. And this is related with the Alien franchise and what was one of the major things in that series. Even in the first movie and adding the later movies. One of the major things Ripley and others were trying to do was to keep the Alien away from Earth. Because the idea of even one of those creatures got on Earth, so much horrible shit would happen. You have comics like the "Earth War" that really delve into that and it's a major theme with those Alien movies. Hell, even the ending of Alien 3 includes that powerful moment of Ripley sacrificing herself to make sure the chestburster inside of her is never taken by Weyland Yutani. That's still a pretty powerful send off to her character, even with how I feel about Alien 3.

So, by setting this story on Earth in 2004. Which is 118 years I think before the events of Alien...it still feels like a middle finger to that series. I also feel like it just diminishes the powerful effect of the Nostromo finding the Derelict Ship on LV-426. And it's feels...horrifically ironic that Lex's words about, "Everything everybody will die." feels completely like or...not ignored or...it's still amazes how this film later on is all about making sure the Aliens don't get to the surface...but the next film IMMEDIATELY A DAY OR MAYBE HOURS OR MINUTES...the town of Gunnison, Colorado is fucked. I think again, a middle finger to well...fuck...just...let's move on.

Yeah, I still feel like this film should've taken place after Aliens or Alien 3. I have already written a reblog about what I would've changed for the film. But back to the point. That's my biggest problem with this movie.

My other issue with this film is well, the characters. Yet to be honest, I didn't really hate any of them. The characters in the film were actually pretty decent. But the problem is along with the film itself is that they aren't really I guess that interesting. Or what I wanted to say, they're all more like NPC's you meet in a video game. Sure, I actually got a few laughs out of the movie from Ewen Bremner's character Miller. No one is annoying and everyone does their part. But there isn't really a lot of huge character development. I don't think there's a specific theme to the movie except maybe like, "What do you want to be remembered for after you die?" but still, it doesn't feel like that. Yet that seems to be the major theme of the movie.

Back to the characters. None of them are annoying. The problem is while they're decent. They are sadly pretty much canon fodder and while Stafford's death is pretty horrific along with others. You don't really care for these characters. The most developed character is Alexa Woods. Yet I question if it's really character development. But she's a fine character. Again, I didn't hate anyone. But they're all pretty much basic characters you feel like you'll meet in a video game or something. Or even...I guess cartoon characters. But even then, they don't feel like that. They don't hold up much to the likes of the Nostromo crew or the Marines in Aliens, or even Dutch and his team. Or Hell, even Naru from Prey and any other characters from some of the other movies.

I'll also admit this, I'm not too big on the idea of "Predators teaching humans to build pyramids" and making humans part of the well, the rituals and shit. But I just want to get back to writing about the positives. I felt there was no need to just...add that or whatever. But you would have to change the story in a way.

There's also the fact that even when watching the unrated version. The movie still feels PG-13. And that's a major issue. The film is technically inoffensive in a way. I mean, it can get tense maybe for a younger viewer or someone new to either franchise. But again, even with the added CGI blood in the unrated version, it still feels pretty tame. I kind of want to say this movie may feel like one of those TV movies you may see for a show or a cartoon and it's more tense. But that sounds so stupid. Even then, those kinds of movies are really good when they are well made by the people behind them.. It's just the fact when you hold this movie up to the likes of Alien, Aliens, Predator, Prey, and some others. You see where the problems are. In a way, I wanna say it almost feels like one of those video game movie adaptations that aren't the most well made. And it's amusing to say that because Anderson is very well known for his Resident Evil movies, and he also made that Monster Hunter movie.

Also, the other thing...the design of the Aliens. I don't like the fact with the film's lower budget, they basically took the designs from Alien Resurrection and just painted them black. Considering this is meant to be before the original Alien. I wish they somehow were able to make the Aliens were more biomechanical, similar to the likes of Big Chap from the original movie. I'm one of those fans that really holds HR Giger's design for the Alien in high regard. And as the years went on, while there are some designs I like. They just haven't been the best. Also, I hate the fact like with later movies, the life cycle just seems to be REALLY fast. They could've fixed the problem that maybe some Aliens were frozen already. But still, the fact this all happens IN A DAY. And the Aliens seems to grow within minutes possibly. I don't know if we get how many hours the characters are in the temple.

Alright, I think I got most of my negatives out of the way. But the last thing I'll say is the movie feels too short...or that's just me. I think I get what someone on Twitter said. Maybe an AVP movie is difficult with the time length. But I don't think a two parter should be needed. Maybe make it longer, even 3 hours.

But alright...time to the positives and well...yeah...

Again, the characters were pretty decent. I stand by that. I again, don't really hate anyone. I also shouldn't forget there was this possible theme of, "Corporations not looking out for the people" was kind of in here. But that's more so Weyland wanting to pretty much rush shit to get into the temple before other people do. But again, the characters were fine, everyone does their part.

And to be honest with you all. The setting and premise of the movie is actually perfect. My problem again is more so the timeline. If you had set this story on a colonized planet that's maybe similar to Earth, or it's an ice related one. I think it would've worked out fine. The whole idea with the pyramid changing every time, the blooding ritual for the Predators, and taking all of that. It's actually perfect. It can be scary; it can be suspenseful. But the film isn't really that. But again, the premise is actually fucking perfect. Especially pyramids/temples in this series aren't a new thing. We had a little bit of it in the 1999 AVP game and even AVP 2010 used it too in its own way.

I still like the idea of the Predators praising the Aliens as the ultimate prey. Or well, one of their favorite prey. And honestly, I legit feel like in this movie, instead of "Serpents", couldn't they have called them "Star Beasts"? I legit feel like that classic name for the original Alien screenplay is so raw, that needs to be an official name for the Alien again.

And you know what I really love? I love the fact from what we see in this movie, the Aliens are pretty damn smart. More so, Grid using his cut off tail to hit Celtic with acid blood, he hides away when Celtic is busy taking off the armor. Or the queen allowing her offspring to injure her to free her from her imprisonment. Even though, I don't think there are more moments. But I actually appreciate that the Aliens are treated as canon fodder. Granted, the humans were more so scientists/explorers. But we have merceries, yet we don't see any of them mowing them down. Granted, I also feel like compared to a Pulse Rifle which I recall has legit EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS. A mere submachine gun or even a regular M4A1 isn't going to kill a regular Alien. And...well, AVP Requiem decided to do things differently.

I will admit, the idea of AVP in modern day intrigues me. But it's pretty much wrong with concerning the Alien timeline. And while I love Aliens, and that movie treats the Aliens still like a threat, even if they can be killed. Big Chap got killed in the original Alien. I just know there are people who genuinely dislike the additions Aliens made even though the film still treated them like a threat. Even this film, the Aliens felt like they were taken seriously. Just like the Predators.

(But seriously, I'm getting tired of the Aliens slander. Big Chap got fucking stabbed with a harpoon gun.)

I actually don't mind the designs of the Predators. My biggest issues are more so the faces. They look less real and convincing and more like a mask. And there's the whole thing with the mandibles. But the more "Heroic" design or well, I want to call it more "Noble" looking armor. Overtime, I started to like it. Granted, I'm more of a fan of the designs of Diablo, Ghost and other Predators from the first two Predator movies. And I felt like Wolf outdoes the designs for the Predators in this film. Yet there's also the fact the more armored look is based upon the designs from the original AVP comic. I like that.

And I like Scar. Even though compared to the original AVP story this movie uses elements of. Scar isn't really a bad character or whatever. And I still genuinely like that development of Scar and Lex teaming up. It's actually done pretty well with not so much words, and more so actions. And to be honest about the people who...REALLY did not like this scene...

I think what makes the scene still work and let me compare the original comic. I think the original comic still works so much better because Dachande/Broken Tusk, compare to his Youngbloods he was going to lead on their ritual. He has never killed a human, and there's actually a build up to him being more of this "Heroic" figure. More so, the fact he's injured, he's captured by humans, but he's cared for by them, more so Miriam. And when Tichinde (An arrogant Bad Blood who assumed leadership of the Youngbloods after they assume Dachande had died) attempts to kill her, he saves her life and helps the humans. The development feels more natural.

Before seeing this movie again. I thought I understood criticisms from people because Scar did kill some of the mercenaries, and he kills Weyland. Like, the idea that Lex after all of that tries to team up with a creature that killed some human beings who may have had families. But she wasn't close with any of those people. Granted, that still sucks, and the way Scar acts is more so he doesn't want to team up with her. Until he gets the idea and well, she earns his respect. The development feels more like it's still treating Scar that he's still dangerous. But he's willing to side with a human that gains his respect. Treating him like an anti-hero, and less of a hero than Dachande.

I just want to say while I totally get the idea that there are fans who hate or don't like the expanded material with Yautja. They don't like the "Space Samurai" I get that. I do think there needs to be a balance. But people like LittleJimmy835 and others treat these films like tumors and just seem to want the Predators to remain well...really sick bastards. Granted, they are, but I like the idea of the species being "Chaotic Neutral". And what they did with Scar is actually pretty fine. Besides, from what I've read in expanded material, most of the species is xenophobic against humans. They're nearly all barbaric. The only really "Heroic" ones I've seen are Dachande, Scarface, (The dude mainly killed a giant criminal empire; he pretty much did the city a favor despite his failures at the start of Concrete Jungle), and the Alpha Predator as well, there are very few "Heroic" Predators. Most are gray or just evil...I need to read about "Big Mama" and how she's like.

Also, Harald Kloser did a pretty fine job with the score.

You know, I just want to complete this. And I think without adding some unnecessary crap I want to talk about. I think said everything I wanted to talk about. But yeah...I liked it. Even though to this day and I still believe the AVP films are better off as their own films and if there is ever another AVP film. I want it to be a reboot if it's going to be connected to the films again. I want something akin to AVP 2 2001. But that's a whole other story.

In a nutshell, 5/10.

Edit update, I want to share my reblog where I talked about what I would've changed about the movie. Where it still keeps the characters of Lex, Scar and Weyland in it. https://www.tumblr.com/geekgemsspooksandtoons/750585975858741248/sorry-this-took-a-while-to-respond-too-but-i?source=share

#aliens vs predator #alien vs predator #predator #yautja #alien #xenomorph

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lunicho · 2 months

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600 YIPPEEE!!!! Bunny 600 party I’ll bring cookies !!! You deserve all the love 🥺❤️❤️

Thank you for lowkey keeping Lunétumblr alive🫡 I know you don’t write big stuff a lot but all of the drabbles and even agreeing with anon thoughts means a lot to me and I’m sure it means a lot to other Lunés too 🥺

Wishing the best for u as a person and for the blog too 🙏🙏 if things ever get slow don’t worry there’s no rush we’ll always be here 🫡❤️

Would you be ok sharing the story behind how/why u started stanning all the groups you do? Like how you got into BND,RIIZE, etc? Some Bunny lore would be cute 😋

-😵‍💫

600 PARTY LETS GO!!! tysm pookie, you've been here supporting the blog soso much and it means the world to me. i look forward to seeing u around on my blog all the time. i love u so so much!! also what kind of cookies are you bringing!! :o ALSO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I TALK SO FUCKING MUCH 😭

i'm so glad im able to contribute to lunéblr, i genuinely have had so so much fun with all of the teamies anons on here like u guys are hilarious 😭 u guys are also so so consistent here and it means soo much to me seriously <3

i'm wishing the best for you as well, i hope that whatever you decide to do in this world goes well and i hope life treats u well always!

BUNNY LORE!! i love talking so yes, i stan like 89 million groups so i'll do the ones i write for and then u can ask abt other groups i didn't mention if you're curious! also prewarning that literally every group i stan started with me trying not to stan them LMAODGSJ

bnd - i didn't stan them when they first debuted cuz for some reason i always try to stop stanning groups knowing im an addict smh. i also like to give groups a bit to Marinate before i stan so i held off! then in like august last year i started getting funnextdoor tik toks abt leehan and his fishtank and i decided i wanted to watch it for funsies cuz leehan was sooo pretty and so cute so i was curious and uh... yeah that was my first mistake 😭 i full on thought leehan was gonna be my bias but then taesan walked in and snatched me up and bnd is just so addictive i just had to stan. i stuck with bnd because they genuinely make me so happy, they're so fun and they remind me of all the best things about kpop, like i just love them so bad 😖😖 but i officially started stanning them the week after but sometimes came out cuz that song had me hooked 😭 omg i just remembered that their videos kept coming up on my youtube too like the universe was trying to get me to stan since like july 😭

riize - i didn't even attempt to not stan them actually 😭 sungtaro were my nct biases when they debuted so i really really wanted to support them on their new endeavors so i already had plans to at least become acquainted with riize but siren had me MOVINGGGGG 😭😭😭 like i haddd to get in on that like i was Hooked. i couldn't even give them the time to marinate cuz of sungtaro so i just hopped right in 😞 and then my sister started biasing wonbin QUICK and i started biasing anton for like a week and then seunghan collected me 😖 and riize gives me heavy nostalgia so like idk i just love them a lot

&team - i've been supporting them since debut bc enha are one of my ults and ive been familiar with kei since then (i didn't watch iland i just knew abt kei and was familiar with some of the other boys names) and i was so obsessed with under the skin but i didn't end up fully stanning them for a while. i started to learn their names just so i'd know who they were when i see them around and things like that. i didn't start to stan them more until like july last year when i watched more of their content and then i fell off again until like october i think and they quickly became one of my top groups cuz they're so fun idk

zb1 - um i fully wasn't supposed to stan cuz wanna one and jbj disbanding hurted bad enough but while bp was going on i kept seeing clips and THEY HAD ME ROLLINGGG 😭😭 but i was having self restraint ☝🏾🤨 but then sol (adoresol go follow her and send her asks) she told me to watch zb1 content on july 12th 2023 ☝🏾😌 im able to see it in our ig messages LMAODGSJ but i started watching them and learning their names that day, i even told her i liked jiwoong 😖 but yeah then they stuck after that day cuz they make me laugh and they're so fun idk

#⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ bunny chats <3 #😵‍💫 anon #I LOVE TALKING ABT HOW I STARTED STANNING GROUPS ITS SO FUN 😭#trip down memory lane fr

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goldenraeofsun · 2 years

Text

Day 23: Sleepless Nights

Dean 11:31 Hey sorry to text so soon But did you pick up an ID with my face on it after dinner?

Cas 11:39 No, but the restaurant called me a half hour ago. They found it while closing up, and they had my number on file from when I made the reservation.

Dean 11:42 Thank god

Cas 11:42 My apologies; I was going to leave you a message in the morning, as you mentioned needing to get up early. Also, what do you mean by “so soon”?

Dean 11:44 Dude Its been two hours since our date How soon do you consider too soon?

Cas 11:45 I’ve never given it much thought.

Dean 11:45 Seriously?

Cas 11:48 I text when it feels right. I don’t have a numerically-based system.

Dean 11:50 That’s insane.

Cas 11:51 Well, Dean, what’s your system, then?

Dean 11:52 24 hours minimum 1 week max unless they’re batshit Usually averages out to 3 days

Cas 11:57 What do you mean “batshit”?

Dean 11:57 You know Psychos Nut jobs One sandwich short of a picnic Dudes who say their spirit animal is Elon Musk

Cas 11:58 That’s an impressive array of synonyms, but it doesn’t actually give me much information.

Dean 11:58 Seriously??? Ok then Like, the guy who tried to pressure me into a threesome with his ex cause I’m bi Or the lady who practically drank a whole bottle of wine by herself and yelled at the waiter because he didn’t refill our bread basket

Cas 11:58 I see what you mean.

Dean 11:59 OR that guy who mentioned he was casually into cannibalism??? Who the hell drops that on a first date. Glenn Close wannabes, that’s who

Cas 12:00 I’m astounded you had that many bad first dates.

Dean 12:01 Those are only from this year!

Cas 12:01 That sounds horrendous.

Dean 12:02 Heh. Cannibal guy gave good head, so there’s that. Dude knew his way around some man meat, if you know what I mean

Cas 12:02 Unfortunately, I do. Excuse me while I wait a full week to text you ever again.

Dean 12:03 C’mon, I didn’t even tell you about my worst first date!

Dean 12:14 Cas?

Cas 12:18 Go on.

Dean 12:18 Thank fuck, I thought I actually scared you off

Cas 12:18 Despite appearances, I don’t scare easily.

Dean 12:19 For a nerdy dude in a trench coat, you’re made of pretty stern stuff, I’ll give you that

Cas 12:21 Thank you?

Dean 12:26 Don’t mention it ANYWAY worst first date in the history of first dates: The setting: Los Angeles, California, August 2017 Our hero, the dashingly handsome PA, Dean Winchester, has a date with a slightly less-attractive but still stunning guest star from episode 24 of Dr. Sexy, MD who will die three episodes later from a cerebrovascular infection of her spinal cord.

Cas 12:27 Technically, doctors should only use “Dr” or “MD”, not both. And that diagnosis makes absolutely no sense.

Dean 12:28 Shhh DSM had to let go their medical expert due to budget cuts in the 15th season

Cas 12:28 I cannot believe the abbreviation for that show is DSM.

Dean 12:28 Huh?

Cas 12:31 In the medical community, whenever you hear DSM, they’re almost always referring to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Dean 12:34 Hahahahaha Maybe I should buy a copy for the set Then they’ll get SOMETHING right

Cas 12:34 I hardly ever call any case hopeless, but in this case, I might make an exception.

Dean 12:36 Yeah that checks out But nobody watches DSM for the medicine The other stuffs the compelling bits

Cas 12:37 They'd better not be. It's a gross misrepresentation of the medical system. Firstly, their sterile fields leave much to be desired. I had to pause in the middle of the intubation scene.

Dean 12:42 Hold on You actually watched DSM??

Cas 12:44 Of course. You mentioned you worked on the show when we met. I'd be a poor date if I hadn't watched at least an episode.

Dean 12:44 Oh my god you did homework for our date tonight??? You're such a nerd

Cas 12:45 Dr. Nerd, MD, actually.

Dean 12:46 Ha! You're still Dr Sexy to me

Dean 12:46 Shit that was the stupidest thing I've ever sent. Forget I wrote that.

Cas 12:47 I think it's flattering :D

Dean 12:48 Thank fuck

Cas 12:52 It wasn't only to prepare for our date. You obviously care a lot about the show, so if I couldn't stand it, I figured it would be a good indicator of our compatibility.

Dean 12:55 Holy shit. I never thought about it like that I used to tell people it was a guilty pleasure

Cas 12:56 What changed?

Dean 12:57 I got the job on set and everyone there doesn’t treat it like a dirty little secret Sure they know its stupid and shit, but it’s fun, stupid shit

Cas 1:00 I’m glad you like your job.

Dean 1:00 You don’t?

Cas 1:11 I like the mission of my job. But some days the death, pain, and petty workplace grievances make me question my choice. I chose emergency medicine because I was under the impression it required fewer people skills. I thought I would see more acute cases of broken bones, gunshots, burns, etc. But these days, half of my patients use ER doctors as their primary physicians because they can’t afford regular doctor visits for their chronic conditions. I even have a few “regulars”, which I never anticipated having.

Dean 1:12 Damn That sounds brutal

Cas 1:13 Not to mention my hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt.

Dean 1:13 Jesus Sammy’s in the same boat between undergrad and law school

Cas 1:14 But not you?

Dean 1:20 I never went to college

Cas 1:20 Good.

Dean 1:23 What?

Cas 1:25 It seems you didn’t waste your money or time, as you’re in a profession that makes you happy and supports a lifestyle you’re making work.

Dean 1:25 I guess so. I just never figured you’d be all aboard the high school drop out train

Cas 1:31 Usually no, not unless the person has a clear path ahead of what they would like to do instead. My brother transferred from a prestigious liberal arts college to a trade school for plumbers, and he has had no greater joy explaining to my uptight parents the latest thing he pulled out from a client’s septic tank.

Dean 1:32 He sounds like a riot

Cas 1:33

He also makes a killing. Apparently an equal number of people need doctors as plumbers, to my parents’ great chagrin.

Dean 1:33 I like him already

Cas 1:35 You’ll like him until he short sheets your bed and locks you in the wine cellar during dessert so he gets the whole Black Forest gateau to himself.

Dean 1:36 That’s HILARIOUS

Cas 1:38 I almost wet myself, Dean.

Dean 1:38 And you think that makes it less funny???

Cas 1:43 I should have known older brothers would take each others’ side.

Dean 1:44 Damn right It’s in the big brother handbook

Cas 1:49 Did you terrorize Sam too?

Dean 1:52 No And whatever he tells you about itching powder, a farting donkey, and superglue is totally a lie

Cas 1:53 Never mind. I don’t even want to know.

Dean 1:58 Yeah, nobody came out the winner that time Sammy always gave as good as he got though But you seem like the kind of goody two shoes who wouldn’t get your big brother back like he deserved

Cas 2:03 I was worse as a child. It didn’t help that Gabe had an almost preternatural ability to anticipate retaliation. My choices of pranks were never particularly inventive, so he saw them coming from a mile away.

Dean 2:04 So Gabe is a plumber with a sweet tooth?

Cas 2:05 Yes?

Dean 2:06 You got any other ammo on him?

Cas 2:07 He also has an extensive porn collection of vintage Casa Erotica VHS and goes to some annual pornography convention in Vegas. My parents didn’t cut him off for dropping out of college because they were well aware of his alternative and, in their mind, Gabe chose the lesser of two evils.

Dean 2:11 Holy shit, Cas That’s what you LEAD with

Cas 2:12 Excuse me?

Dean 2:19 Next time you’re at his place, you’re gonna swap out half those VHS for Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood or Nut Cracker or a Nova documentary Just total boner-killers. He won’t see it coming. Heh Literally

Cas 2:20 Truly?

Dean 2:22 I don’t see why he would

Cas 2:23 Thank you. I might actually take your suggestion.

Dean 2:25 Do it! And then tell me how it goes. Sammy’s all the way in Seattle, so we haven’t had a real prank war in too long.

Cas 2:27 Aren’t you a little old for such childish behavior?

Dean 2:30 You’re older than I am!

Cas 2:31 I’m making up for lost time.

Dean 2:32 You’re unbelievable. Alright, Marcia, if you want to play it that way See if I help you when Gabe hides your stethoscope or dyes your white coat pink in retaliation

Cas 2:35 … he dyed it bright yellow, actually.

Dean 2:36 HAHAHAHAH

Cas 2:37 I looked like a YIELD sign.

Dean: 2:39 Please tell me you have pictures

Cas 2:43 I do, actually. IMG_215

Dean 2:44 What’s with the black stripes?

Cas 2:45 I added the stripes for Halloween last year. I was a bumblebee.

Dean 2:46 Damn Not even a sexy bumblebee?

Cas 2:49 Ah, but you can’t see what’s under my doctor’s coat.

Dean 2:50 An even smaller bumblebee costume?

Cas 2:52 No…

Dean 2:53 Don’t do this to me Lingerie?

Cas 2:55 I wore SCRUBS, Dean, because I am a medical professional.

Dean 2:58 You’re such an ass What are you doing this year?

Cas 2:58 I was thinking of wearing my usual coat and scrubs.

Dean 3:01 Booooo

Cas 3:02 What are you going as, then?

Dean 3:05 A cowboy! Tenth year in a row, baby. If it ain’t broke, yadda yadda yadda

Cas 3:06 But, having recently seen a new medical show, I was thinking of adding cowboy boots to my standard getup.

Dean 3:08 No way

Cas 3:08 Do you by chance have a spare pair I could borrow for Halloween?

Dean 3:10 Hell yes I do! But Shit, I have a 5am call time tomorrow Today? Fuck. I think I have to cut his convo short

Cas 3:11 Oh dear My apologies for keeping you so late! :o

Dean 3:14 Not your fault at all dude

Cas 3:15 I never even heard the story of your worst first date!

Dean 3:18 How about I tell you over dinner Friday? 7PM work with you? You chose the place last time, so I’ll pick this one

Cas 3:18 It’s a date :D

#suptober22 #destiel #fanfic #destiel fanfic #text fic #doctor Castiel #PA dean #slice of life #fluff #rae writes fic

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hope-to-hell · 11 months

Text

No Way to get Ahead. August Walker. Allusions to death and dismemberment, nothing particularly explicit. This is a chance for August to unload a bit, in the form of a one-sided conversation with some unknown goon. Anyway, it’s not like it matters who they are. Were. Whatever.

——

Would you— just give me a minute here. Christ, the blood’s not even dry yet and you’re here with your million fucking questions. So listen, and watch, and shut your mouth while I work. It took me weeks to get here, weeks to track this fucker down and what did I get?