#i went to a gig alone and then a friend of a friend spotted me and asked if i wanted to come talk to HER friends

[justinefrischmanngf]

i have so much information about this random man’s sex life now because people in their late 20s LOVE telling me too much about their lives and i love listening to people be insane

[captainwans]

I BET YOU LOOK GOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR.

— ALEX TURNER

pairing: fetus! alex turner x fem! actress! reader

summary: following a brief and hurried exchange between the pair, she returned to the old pub in hopes of seeing him once more.

warning: vulgar language, sickeningly teeth-rotting fluff, ryan being an ass, and paparazzi being the paparazzi.

note: this is part two from old pubs and cigarettes, and i suggest you to read the first part before reading this! ryan is a fictional character that’s apart of the story if anyone is confused.

word count: 4,9k | ( picture not mine! )

arabella series!

masterlist!

….  [Y/N] WATCHED THE EMPTY STAGE WITH ANTICIPATION, EXCITEMENT FILLING INSIDE HER BODY AS SHE EAGERLY WAITED FOR THE CUTE, LONG-HAIRED MUSICIAN TO ENTER THE STAGE. It was such a shame that she never got to know his name, and she was still fuming over how her best friend interrupted their moment. She could still feel how his hot breath fanned her face, the smell of cigarettes and mint lingering in the air as she looked into his sweet brown eyes gazing into hers. She couldn’t stop thinking of him. The look on his face, when they had to leave the pub from the paparazzi, left a deep scar on her heart. His kind smile and his understanding nature made her guilty for leaving him on the spot. She remembered throwing a fit in the car that night as they were heading back to their trailers, angry and flustered at how their interaction went.

     [Y/N] slapped her best friend’s arm, which earned a small yelp from the strawberry blonde. She watched her hiss in pain before she mirrored her actions by slapping her shoulders, looking at her with a look of confusion. “What the fuck was that for?” Cindy chided with furrowed eyebrows, rubbing small circles on her arm to cease some of the pain.

     [Y/N] rolled her eyes, rubbing her shoulder as she looked at her with a glare. “You know why,” she growled at the burning pain on her shoulder, grimacing as she clenched her jaw.

     “Oh, thank you so much, Cindy, for saving us from the paps. Thank you for looking out for me. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you. You’re welcome by the way.” Cindy said in a dramatic tone, returning the same glare she was receiving before throwing her magazine at her. “Bitch, please. You’re over here moping over a guy that you just met. The paps almost knocked Vera outside while you were playing hide the zucchini with your rockstar boyfriend.” 

     [Y/N] scoffed, folding her arms in front of her chest, and shaking her head. “Thank you….” she ended up saying in a sweet tone, earning a satisfied grin on Cindy’s face. “For ruining my chance with him.” she finished her sentence, watching her friend’s face falter and morphing into a scowl. 

     “So, what are you gonna do? Go back to him and confess your undying love for him.” Cindy asked with a giggle, earning another slap on her thigh making her laugh even harder. “He was very cute by the way, I’ll give you that, babe.” 

     [Y/N]’s cheeks flushed, feeling blood rushing through her ears at the mention of the musician. “I heard they were having another gig at the same pub. They’re performing next weekend and we’re not filming on Saturday, so..” she answered with a pleading look, making Cindy let out a sigh before nodding her head. 

     As the days passed, with [Y/N] counting the days for the weekend, the day finally arrived and here she was,  seated at a table near the front stage alongside Cindy and her other two co-stars. Another band was performing earlier, which got everyone talking, especially the girls. Two of [Y/N]’s friends left their table to interact with two of the members, leaving her and the strawberry blonde alone, not impressed by their performance and their attitude at all. 

     [Y/N] cringed at one of their attempts to flirt with her friend and scoffed with a deep scowl, before moving her gaze to her best friend. “Let’s hope they stay away from us,” she said in a small voice, but Cindy heard her regardless, earning a small snicker. 

     “I think we’re too late for that,” Cindy answered with an amused look on her face, her eyes looking at one of the members nearing their table. She grimaced, watching him eying up and down at her friend, making her narrow her eyes at him as he introduced himself to them.

     “Ladies.” One of the vocalists greeted the duo with a smirk plastered onto his face, causing [Y/N] to stifle back a laugh bubbling inside her throat. He presented himself as Ryan and she watched him inching closer to her, placing himself in the middle of the girls, causing Cindy to scoff under her breath. He gave her a charming smile, completely ignoring her friend. “Did you enjoy the concert, love?” he asked cockily, head tilted to the side as he looked at her, his eyes trailing down her figure. 

     “We did in fact, not enjoy the concert, Ryan. I mean, I’ve seen better.” her best friend interjected, eyes glaring daggers at his back with a scowl.

     Ryan rolled his eyes, shifting in his feet to turn to Cindy. “I wasn’t talking to you.” he shot, giving her a look before turning his attention back to [Y/N], who was looking at him with a deep frown. 

     She narrowed her eyes at him, crossing her arms before her chest. “Just like my friend said, I’ve seen better.” she simply replied with a fake smile, causing him to scoff under his breath, his smirk turning wider.

     “God, with you Americans, it’s so hard to please.” 

     [Y/N] gave him a dirty look, her face faltering as she watched him utter last his words. Just as she was about to put him in his place, the sound of a microphone dropping down the floor caused her attention to quickly avert away from the guy toward the stage. A soft smile crept upon her face, watching the musician she longed for all week, standing a few feet away from the stage. This left the perfect opportunity for Cindy to drag Ryan by his shirt and push him to the side. “This asshole, who does he think he is?”

     She hummed, not paying attention to what her friend said as she was too busy gazing at the cute guy who had been haunting her mind all week. Her eyes sparked, noticing that he cut his hair, but his hair locks were still slightly covering his face and she thought he couldn’t look any more handsome. Crimson danced across her cheeks and she could feel her heart fluttering, watching him fiddling with the microphone before he placed his guitar around his shoulders.

     “Pretty boy cut his hair!” She heard Cindy yell, gushing at his new hairstyle with a beam, nudging her friend’s side. [Y/N] giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. “Shut up, Cindy. I think he heard you!” she laughed, watching his head snap toward the comment, his eyes darting across the crowd before his eyes finally landed on the pair, cheeks reddening as he noticed their presence, his eyes lingering longer on [Y/N]. 

     [Y/N] gave him a sweet smile, bringing her hand up to give him a wave, to which he responded with a shy nod, his smile turning wider. She gave him a thumbs up, mouthing good luck before taking a seat at their table. He gave her a grateful look, gripping his guitar tightly before moving his eyes away from the actress toward the crowd, which was rather dead and not interacting, being too busy interacting with the other band who dominated the pub, leaving the second group dumbfounded. 

     Alex had a tight grip on his microphone, bringing his lips closer to the mic. He turned to quickly glance at Matt and Andy before clearing his throat, causing the crowd to quiet down as everyone acknowledged the second band. “Hi….so, uh–we’re the Arctic–” the musician introduced themselves, but were abruptly interrupted by Ryan, who seemed to find himself standing close to the girls. 

     “Losers!” Ryan shouted with a laugh and threw his empty cup on the stage, hitting Alex on the chest. This caused some of the people in the crowd to join his banter. Jamie cursed under his breath, feeling his nostrils flare with anger as he looked at him with a glare. “Oh, fuck off, Ryan!”

     [Y/N] felt her blood boil, anger coursing through her veins as she, along with Cindy, whirled their head toward him with a glower. “Shut up, Ryan!” they both said in unison, and Cindy stood up from her seat to grab the empty cup away from the stage. She threw the cup toward Ryan, the cup hitting his face making [Y/N] stifle back a laugh. “Go and fool around elsewhere, asshole. Some of us are trying to enjoy a concert.” 

     Ryan balled his fists, nostrils flaring as he looked at Cindy. He felt everyone’s eyes looking at him, waiting in anticipation of what he was about to do next. He clenched his jaw and turned around, meeting [Y/N]’s face. She gave him a sweet smile. “You heard her,” she said with a knowing look, earning a few cheers from her girlfriends as they watched him leave the pub.

     The crowd started to quiet down, everyone watching Ryan’s body disappear in the crowd, completely forgetting about the second band that was supposed to perform. Cindy and [Y/N] high-fived each other, sauntering over to their table. The actress made eye contact with Alex, who mouthed a thank you, gently smiling at the woman making her mirror his smile as she brushed it off with a hand gesture. 

     [Y/N] looked at the crowd, sharing a look with Cindy before clapping her hands to earn everyone’s attention. Some of them softly gasped, recognizing the woman while the others looked at her with a curious look. She smiled brightly at everyone before turning her gaze toward the band. “By all means, please continue boys!” She beamed with a cheer, earning a few whistles and claps. “Who are you guys?”

     Alex grinned at her question, licking his lips before speaking into the microphone. “We’re the Arctic Monkeys, everyone!” he finally introduced themselves, making the girls loudly cheer, warming up the crowd. She could feel them stiff during the first part of the song but got quickly used to it, making her clap her hands as she cheered. She and her friend moved in their seat, bumping their shoulders together while bopping their head to the sound.

     The strawberry blonde puffed her cheeks, face scowling as she looked around her. “Oh, c’mon, why isn’t anyone on the dancefloor? This song is so good, compared to the other band,” she said, saying her last sentence loudly on purpose to the other member, who so happened to sit beside them, making him scoff and roll his eyes. He was about to say something, but Cindy butted in, “Oh, shut up, you don’t get to say anything.” making [Y/N] laugh. She watched back to the stage, her eyes instantly locking with his. He gave her a wink, leaving her cheeks flushed with a beating heart. 

     An idea popped into [Y/N] head, a smirk curving her lips. She turned to her friend. “We’ll be our own dancefloor. C’mon, let’s show them how it’s done.” she beamed, making the strawberry blonde laugh loudly as they moved their body, linking their hands together as they found their spot in the middle of the bar. Loud cheers and holler emitted from their throat as they danced together, their hands around each other as they vibed to the music. 

     The duo danced the night away like no one was watching, causing a group of people to look their way, curiously watching them owning the dance floor. Before they knew it, two of their friends joined them as the four moved closer to the stage, flipping their hair, and moving their bodies to the music. It was like a flash mob, and more people vibed to the music, cheering and completely forgetting about the first group. 

      Her best friend twirled her around, making both of them laugh. Cindy whistled at her, “Damn, girl! The moves. I’m not blaming him for the looks he’s giving you, you’re one lucky girl, babe!” she told her wiggling her eyebrows at her, making her grin before moving her head toward him, watching him looking at her with a smile as he sang, making her shake her hips. She shot him a glance, eyes filled with a playful tease.

     Before they knew it, the song was over. They all clapped, even some of the remaining members from the first group, cheering and shouting at the band, watching their eyes beaming and glinting with happiness at the crowd’s response. Alex nodded to the crowd, eyes finding hers again, giving her a grateful smile as he brought both of his hands together to show his gratitude. She smiled brightly at him, clapping her hands.

 ㅤ  ㅤ  ㅤ  ㅤ   ㅤ▹ ▹ ▹

     “That was amazing!” Cindy sang, wrapping her arms around [Y/N]’s shoulders, and giving her a little squeeze. Two of their co-stars agreed, eyes glistening from the lights above them as they gushed over how talented they were. [Y/N] hummed with a simper, her smile widening as she listened to her friends talking about them. Her eyes shamelessly darted across the pub, eyes searching for the talented musician. She found him sitting in a booth with the rest of his members, shielding them from the others. She rested her chin with her palm, looking at him with a fond look. 

     Alex took a sip from his drink and wiped his mouth with his hand, listening to Andy talking about their performance. He watched a smile curve his lips, making him mirror his smile with a hum. As he was about to join in the conversation, he started to pause, feeling someone was staring at him. His eyes subconsciously found hers, who looked at him with a soft expression. He watched her lightly waving at him, causing his heart to stutter against his chest and he looked behind him before turning back to her with an unsure look.

     [Y/N] giggled, watching him pointing a finger at himself to confirm if she was waving at him and not some other guy. She bit her lip with a nod, pointing her finger at him with a playful look. She watched a smile forming his handsome features, averting his gaze away from her toward his friends. This went on back and forth, with both of them stealing a few glances at each other. 

     “Okay, you two just need to talk. This is not working.” Cindy snapped her out of her state, making her whirl her head toward her with a confused expression. “What?”

     Two of her co-stars giggled, leaning against each other as they teased the actress. “You’re so cute when you’re in love.” One of them gushed, making kissing sounds as she tickled her waist.

 

     [Y/N] felt a dust of crimson dance across her cheeks. She swatted her friend’s hand away from her waist as small giggles emitted from her lips. “I-I’m not in love…He’s just…very cute.” she managed to reply in between her giggles, mumbling the last word, but Cindy heard her regardless. 

     “Why don’t you say that to his face?” Cindy teased, poking her shoulder as she looked at her best friend with a cheeky grin, making [Y/N] shake her head with a laugh. “God, no!”

     One of their co-stars stood up from her seat and walked over to her, pulling her up from her seat. [Y/N] looked at her friend like she’s grown two heads and she turned her head toward the others, who gave her thumbs up with wide grins on their faces. “Go get your man!”

     “You got this, babe! You’re so hot, he’s already head over heels!” Cindy cheered, earning a few disapproving looks from the people sitting beside them. She slapped her friend’s butt, earning a small gasp from the actress as she received a nasty look.

     “Am I blind or was that [Y/N] [Y/L/N], waving at you?” Alex heard Jamie say, making him roll his eyes before turning in his seat to face his best friend. He gave him a look and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And what is that supposed to mean?” 

     “It’s just…She’s [Y/N] [Y/L/N] and you’re….you.” Jamie replied with a shrug. His eyes looked back and forth between his bandmate and to the actress, who curiously watched them, which made Jamie give her a polite smile. 

     Alex gave him a look, eyebrows scrunched as he downed the rest of his drink. “Right,” he mumbled, shifting in his seat. His head turned to their table once again and his eyes widened, watching her walking toward them with a soft smile. He panicked, feeling his heart palpating loudly against his chest. He cleared his throat and fixed his posture so that he was comfortably leaning against his seat.

     “Oh God, she’s walking toward us,” Jamie stressed, taking a sip from his beer and looking at Alex, who looked back at him with a confused look. Jamie brought his hand over to his shirt, wiping away some invisible dust and fixing his hair. 

     Alex made a sound of disdain, slapping his hands away from his face whilst giving him a glowering look. “Jamie, stop!” he whined, adjusting his shirt before scooting a few seats away from his best friend, who gave him a scoff and shook his head. “I’m just trying to help you, mate.”

     [Y/N] watched the small banter between Alex and Jamie, her lips forming into a thin line, stifling back a laugh as she walked toward their table. She tightly gripped the strap of her purse, eyes looking straight ahead whilst ignoring a few men glancing her way. She ignored the burning gazes at the back of her head, fastening her pace as he neared their table, making the boys snap their attention toward the actress. 

     Some of them were star-struck and were left speechless, including Jamie, who had his eyebrows raised with a look she couldn’t quite decipher. He awkwardly slurped his drink making her giggle. Matt was the first to break the ice, his eyes sparking as he acknowledged her presence. “There she is! The one who saved our necks out there!” he beamed, standing up from his seat to greet her in a warm hug, which she shyly returned. 

     “That was nothing, really. Me and the girls enjoyed it very much. You guys are very good.” She complemented with a flustered smile, causing Alex’s lips to curve upwards. His eyes lingered longer on her face, studying every detail.

     “Means a lot coming from you, love!” Jamie interjected into the conversation, sauntering beside her to introduce himself, which she happily returned as they shook hands. Andy soon joined, politely introducing himself and complimenting her work.

     [Y/N] felt blood rush through her cheeks, feeling her heart stutter against her chest. She introduced herself to a few of their friends before moving her attention to Alex, who patiently watched her interact with his friends. She hummed with a smile, slowly sauntering toward him. She pulled the sleeves of her dress, a habit she did when she was nervous and stood beside him. “Hi.” she softly greeted.

     Her voice left a trail of goosebumps, along with a fluttering heart at her gentle voice. His lips curved upwards and he stood up from his seat to stand in front of her. He opened his mouth, eyes gazing into hers. “Hey.” he breathed, rapidly blinking to check if he wasn’t dreaming. 

     [Y/N] bit her lip, eyes trailing over his lips as her mind wandered back to their last encounter where they almost shared a kiss. She cleared her throat and moved her eyes away from his lips, feeling another gush of crimson heating her cheeks. “You were amazing out there.” she internally cringed at how her voice cracked at the end and gave him a tip-lipped smile. 

     Alex chuckled at her flustered nature, his smile widening. “So where you…on the dancefloor.” he said, a small smirk curving his features, making her softly giggle as she looked anywhere but him.

     [Y/N] turned her head to him, who was already looking at her with a fond look. She hummed, placing her hands behind her back. “Did I look good on the dancefloor?” she cheekily asked, making Alex laugh with a nod.

     “You did look good on the dancefloor. In fact, you outshined the crowd with your dancing,” he admitted, biting his lip as he looked into her eyes, making her let out a sound of satisfaction. 

     The pair continued to converse, realizing that they had a lot in common. Alex finally got the courage to compliment her recent works, telling her how a talented actress she is and praising her. She became a flustered mess, hiding her hot cheeks as she profusely said her thanks and mirrored the gesture back by gushing about his guitar skills, which she stated that he should teach her to play one day. As they talked, she realized that she still never got his name and it irked her brain.

     [Y/N] furrowed her eyebrows with an apologetic look as she interrupted him mid-sentence. “I’m sorry…but, I don’t think I actually got your name.” she sheepishly said, folding her arms in front of her chest. 

     Alex’s eyes lit up and he nodded his head, muttering a small apology for not introducing himself sooner. Just as he was about to tell her his name flashes of lights and the sounds of snapping cameras made them squint their eyes, whirling their head around to where the flashes came from.

     [Y/N]’s face faltered, her face slowly morphing into a deep scowl as she noticed one of the paparazzi from the other day getting inside the pub. Much to her dismay, she locked eyes with one of them and they fastened their pace toward her with the camera tightly gripped into their hand. “There she is!” 

     [Y/N]’s expression stretched into a look of discomfort and she could feel her heart stammering against her chest, feeling panic wash over her. Her body became stiff and she stepped backward, ending up hitting a hard chest. She let out a rasping gasp, feeling their hand gently placed on her waist, and just by his touch she knew it was him. Butterflies swarmed inside her stomach even by the slightest touch, but it quickly vanished as it rapidly appeared. “[Y/L/N], we just want a picture. Is this your boyfriend?”

     Alex cursed at them, his eyes bulging from their sockets. “Fuck off!” he chided, pulling her behind him protectively. He and Matt shared a look before he led both of them out of the scene, their hands intertwined as they tried to escape from the photographers. 

     The more they tried to escape, it seemed as more photographers engulfed around the old pub, and Alex scoffed. “Where did they all come from?” he mainly asked to himself, but [Y/N] heard him regardless. “I don’t know,” she said in a small voice, face hiding into his back while trying to avoid getting snapshots on her face.

     [Y/N] heard Alex grunt and she pulled her face away from his back to see him getting grabbed by one of the photographers. The actress grew hot, her cheeks flamed with anger as she stepped in front of him, slapping their hand, which resulted in their camera falling down the hard floor. “Don’t touch him!” she sputtered, her voice laced with venom. 

     “We just want a picture, ma’am! You didn’t need to do that.” the man scolded, his face painted with frustration at his broken camera and [Y/N] wanted nothing more than to smack his face and remove that stupid look on his face. 

     [Y/N] shook her head and went to check on Alex, but when she turned around he wasn’t there. A downward pout etched onto her face and she felt worry prickling inside her chest, squeezing her lungs and making her let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She cursed internally and she wanted to cry out for his name, but she remembered that just as he was about to tell her his name, the paparazzi came and snatched that opportunity away from her. 

     Alex’s eyes frantically darted across the heavy mass of paparazzi taking over the area, his stomach clenching at the thought of her being alone with them. “Fuck,” he mumbled, hands rubbing his face as he squeezed his way through the mass. “[Y/N]!”

     The actress squinted her eyes as small groans emitted from her lips. The flashes of lights increased with every second and she just stood there, frozen and unable to move. She clenched her jaw as her breath grew thin and ragged. She had her head face down with some of her hair covering her angry expression. Her shoulders rose until they were under her ears and she closed her eyes, letting out an exhale. Two of the cameramen noticed her state and shared a look before lowering their camera. They made room for her to walk away, and she took that opportunity and made a run for it.

     She managed to squeeze her way through some of them by using her elbows to push them out of her way. She hissed at their nails digging into her skin and her lips pressed into a thin line to prevent herself from screaming at the top of her lungs. Her lips emitted a small prayer, and just like that her prayers were answered when her body slammed into Cindy’s. “Oh my God, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” her best friend sighed in relief before taking her into her arms. 

     [Y/N] melted into her arms, using her big oversized jacket to hide her face inside. “Thank God,” she muffled into her chest and she felt her hands rubbing her back comfortably as she yelled at the paparazzi. 

     “Shit, is that blood?” Cindy worried, her voice wavering at the end as she had her hands on her arms. She pulled her friend away from her chest and removed a few hair strands away from her damp face. She cupped her face, looking for other injuries on her delicate features. “They’re gonna fucking pay.”

     Cindy stepped in front of her, pulling her phone out and waving it in the air, earning the photographers’ attention. “You guys have five seconds before I call the cops on you,” she said with a stoic look, eyes cold and rigid as she looked at them with a look of disdain. 

     [Y/N] touched the scabs on her left arm and gritted her teeth together as she felt a burning pain searing through her. She quietly cursed, not noticing two of her friends dashing towards her with concerned looks. “[Y/N], are you okay?” they asked in unison, their hands touching her shoulders and she flinched with a small whimper.

 

     She nodded sarcastically, “Yeah. Never been better,” she answered in a bitter tone, making the pair share a look. She sighed in frustration and rubbed her glistening face, listening to her co-star. “Well, the good thing is that the paps are gone. Thanks to Cindy.” 

     [Y/N] sniffled, moving her gaze away from her friends toward Alex and his friends, her eyes tinted with hope as her eyes darted across the almost empty bar. She found them sitting and hunched at the corner and she frowned when she detected no signs of Alex. She locked eyes with Jamie, who gave her a worried look, to which she replied with a nod. She breathed out in relief when she noticed none of them were injured, but the ache in her stomach punched her gut as her mind wandered back to how the paparazzi treated Alex, making her heart stumble over its own rhythm. 

     Her lips twitched and she subconsciously hid her bare arms inside her long sleeves, hiding her bruises as she gave Jamie a look, mouthing Alex’s whereabouts. Just as he was about to answer, a gentle hand took hold of her right arm, where she thankfully didn’t have any bruises, and pulled her attention away from Jamie. [Y/N] slowly moved her head, meeting Cindy’s concerned look. “There’s a cab waiting for us outside.” 

     [Y/N]’s eyes burned with exhaustion and she nodded. She scrubbed her eyes with her knuckles before taking one last glance at them, in hopes of seeing him, but much to her disappointment they were nowhere to be found. Her hand slowly drifted over her mouth to hide her growing frown, and she let Cindy guide them out of the old pub. “I never got his name.” 

     Cindy looked back at her, her lips curving upwards but faltering when she noticed her frown. Her eyes softened and she pulled her closer, rubbing her shoulder as they headed to the exit. Goosebumps broke into her skin as she felt the cold wind hit her skin, making her shiver. The duo went inside the car with [Y/N] quietly mumbling that she wanted the window seat. The car drove off and she watched the old pub slowly disappear, leaving an empty feeling clouding inside her chest.

     “What was the name of their band again?” [Y/N] asked her best friend, her eyes tinted with hopefulness. Her shoulders dropped when she watched Cindy halt with her response, displaying an unsure expression. She cursed under her breath as disappointment etched onto her features.

 

     “I’m not sure…It was something about Arctic–or was it Atlantic?” Cindy replied with furrowed eyebrows, giving the actress a shrug. The strawberry blonde’s eyes softened and she wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to her side. “Oh, don’t worry, babe, you’ll reunite one day.”

     “I doubt that.”

[starlightsearches]

requesting reader asking bf eddie to do his eyeliner n he says yes but only if they will sit on his lap while doing it!! if it gets spicy i absolutely dont mind!! also no rush!!!

AO3 Request: What about one where the reader is painting Eddie’s nails black for him after watching him struggle and somehow in between them drying they start making out and it turns a little NSFW and something about “Don’t, you’ll fuck the paint up.”

Looks That Kill

Thanks for the request, friends, and even more thanks for your patience!! Hope you enjoy 😚

Eddie Munson x F! Reader

Warnings: very very horny but not really smutty (18+ only please), language, Eddie is a SIMP always and forever, hints at sub! eddie, finger sucking, I know licking nail polish to smooth is out is gross but sometimes it's just what you do, okay??, mentions of impact play, some unfortunate cockblocking, and i think that's it! If I missed anything let me know uwu

"Jesus- fuck."

The eyeliner pencil slips from Eddie's fingers, again, clattering against the basin of the sink and leaving little black smudges around the porcelain before it slowly comes to a stop. He rubs the matching smudge off the corner of his eye with his thumb, smearing black down his cheek.

Normally, this is the point where he'd give up. If this were a gig at The Hideout, he wouldn't have even bothered to try with the makeup— would have rolled out of bed an hour before, still half high for another fucking show of watered-down covers.

But this is not just some show.

"You good, Eds?"

Your head pops into the shitty motel bathroom, drying your nails with pursed lips painted dark, perfectly-lined eyes meeting his own. Eddie shivers like you’ve got your hands on him, even though it's just the slow up and down trace of your eyes.

He knows what the look you give him means. You're trying to figure out what his problem is.

There's an immediate reminder of the secret he's been trying to keep from himself—that he's got more to be nervous about than this show and maybe a record deal and trying to put a little, black crayon by his eyeball.

"How do you even do this shit?" Eddie asks, holding the eyeliner in a tight fist like he's trying to choke it.

"It just takes practice."

You lean up against the door frame, unphased, because nothing ever gets to you. Not nerves, not shitty guys at shows, not late nights spent driving or hours in the van with nothing to look at but corn fields.

With Eddie, it's the opposite. Everything gets to him. Especially you.

He knew it was a bad idea, letting you take Grant’s spot when he went off for college. The guys were a second family to him, and the idea of replacing any of them always felt weird, like finding out your dad has a new girlfriend, and he wants you to call her mom.

But Corroded Coffin needed a bassist. And you could play—could play so good he’s pretty sure he’s been in love with you since that first note hit him in the chest.

It doesn't help that you're so fucking pretty, with your over the knee boots and those short, short skirts and fishnet tights that have him biting into the meat of his palm when you're not looking.

It doesn't help that Jeff and Gareth know way too much about his little problem, and still took the other room, leaving him high and dry.

"I don't have time for practice," he grumbles, mostly to himself, capping the eyeliner again and planting his hands against the counter.

It's not like anybody in the crowd would care if he had eyeliner on or not. Openers never got that much attention anyways. The record studio guy might be too high to even notice the name of the band, let alone what any of you looked like.

But Eddie cares. When he steps out on that stage, he wants to feel like he belongs there.

He catches you staring at him in the mirror, chewing pensively on your bottom lip, brushing a few hairs back behind your ear. You've got it just barely secured—like you always do before a show—knowing by the end of it you'll have all the loose strands sticking to your sweaty skin, making sure that everybody in the audience (and at least one of the guys on stage) can't think about anything else but fucking you.

There's a moment of prolonged eye contact between you that has Eddie glad the shirt he's wearing is black, so you won't see him sweat.

You push off the wall behind you, sliding up beside him at the counter. "Scoot over."

Eddie does, watching you take a little hop up onto the counter, shimmying the hem of your dress back down over your thighs, the fabric tight enough when you spread your legs he wonders if it'll pop at the seams.

Jesus.

"C'mere."

And Eddie gets what's going on—or he thinks he does—but it's like he can't get his legs to listen, stumbling toward you like a baby deer until his legs are just brushing your knees.

You roll your eyes at him. "Closer."

He lets out a little yelp when you tug at his wrist, pulling him in, widening your legs until there's enough room for his hips. There's a quiet sound, like fabric tearing, but maybe that's just leftover brain-rot from all the porn he watched in high school.

Your thighs close around his hips, and they're so fucking pillowy, molding against him. One of your ankles curls around the back of his knee. Eddie wonders if you can feel how close he is to buckling.

You're so fucking chill about it all, though, taking the eyeliner in one hand, gripping his chin in the other until you're almost nose to nose. It's just clouds of your shampoo and the smell of cherry-scented lip gloss Eddie'd snatched from the counter the second you stepped out of the room. Spread over the back of his hand, watched it shine in the light before immediately licking off. He needed to know what it tasted like.

You've got the pad of your thumb pressed into the soft skin under his eye, swiping away the evidence from one of his hundred other attempts.

"Look up," you tell him, catching his lashes gently under your finger when he obeys, "and stay still."

He's got no other choice. Eddie knows if he makes the slightest move, he'll feel your body move against his, and that'll have him popping a boner so fast he might lose consciousness.

One eye, and then the other—you swipe the pencil around his lash line so fast it would make him dizzy if he dared to look. The cap snaps back over the top of the eyeliner, and you drop it back into the bag.

"All done, rockstar," you tell him with a tap on the cheek, "check yourself out."

Eddie leans around you, trying to get a good look in the mirror, but his balance is all off. He's gonna fall on his ass, a thought almost too embarrassing to name, and he catches himself on the closest thing he can grab at.

Your thigh dents too pretty underneath his fingers, the backs of his rings snagging against one of the strings on your fishnets.

Fuck. Eddie's gotta play it off or he'll look like a tool—fucking about to faint because a girl is touching him—which means he's gotta keep his hand there, even if his vision is going dark at the edges. He can hardly see his own reflection.

"What d'you think?" he asks instead.

You're smiling, but in that way that has Eddie questioning everything you say, like it's all some fucked up riddle designed to torture him.

"It's sexy, Eds. You look great."

He just rolls his eyes. It's sexy, Eds. You're so fucking sexy, Eddie, and I need you to take me on this motel bathroom sink and fuck me for hours or I'm gonna claw my eyes out.

Yeah right. In his dreams, maybe.

But you didn't push his hand away, either. Let him cop a feel and you didn't even shrink away from him, or hurl. So maybe he's just being a mean little bitch to himself for the fun of it.

"Anything else?"

Yeah, Eddie thinks, slap me hard across the face then kiss it better.

But that's not really in the cards for tonight, so his eyes flash around the bathroom, landing on the black bottle of polish you brought in with you. Eddie raises his free hand, the one not on your thigh—which will stay there until he dies if he gets his way—spreading his fingers wide. "How 'bout a manicure?"

Your fingers grip at Eddie's hand, coating each of his nails with one clean swipe of the polish, breathing in deep and slow while the room floods with the scent of acetone.

"Blow," you command, placing his nails in front of his lips before you grab the other hand. Eddie's more than happy to do what he's told.

He watches you, watches the way your brows knit together, totally focused on perfection.

"You know," —your breath puffs against his knuckles, voice all quiet, "you don't need any of this shit, right? You're gonna blow it out of the fucking water, like you always do."

Eddie hopes his nails are dry already, because he's got no more breath in his lungs, just barely managing to gasp out a word.

"Oh."

You glance up at him through your lashes, and past your cool exterior and the twenty layers of apathetic irony bassists always seem to have, he knows you mean it.

Eddie flinches, hand slipping against yours. When you pull back, there's a big black smear across your thumb.

"Oh, damn, sorry."

He's left a dent in the polish on his middle finger, pushed some of the already-dry paint around until a sliver of his real nail was visible beneath.

"Don't worry about it."

If Eddie had a thousand years and unlimited guesses, he still wouldn't have come up with what you do next—taking his middle finger in your hand, pulling it toward your lips.

Your mouth is wet, and warm around his finger, and maybe Eddie moans when you suck at his skin but the roaring in his ears is too loud for him to be sure. All he knows is that he'll never need another dirty magazine or porno for the rest of his life. He's gonna be jerking off to this exact feeling forever.

Your tongue drags flat across his nail, and when you pull the digit from your mouth—all wet and shiny with your spit and stained purple with lipstick—the polish looks good as new.

"Tastes like shit, but it works," you tell him, leaning over to spit in the sink.

There's a smirk on your lips when you turn back to face him. Eddie feels like such an idiot.

All those times you'd bent over in those short skirts, gripped at his thigh while you reached for a pencil, or one of those discarded pages of lyrics on his bedroom floor and he'd sit there, staring at the ceiling and trying to name all the state's capitals so he wouldn't be sporting a boner hard enough you could see it through his jeans.

You were fucking with him this entire time.

He could have been fucking you this entire time.

"Jesus," he says, "you're a fucking tease."

You smile wider, tightening the grip of your thighs. "Maybe I just wanted to see how long it would take for you to get the fucking hint."

Eddie braces himself against the counter with both hands when he leans forward, nudging your mouth towards his with the tip of his nose and just diving in, no backup plan, no parachute. He's all in, crushing his body against yours until his hips ache against the sharp edge of the counter.

You're kissing him back, cupping your palms around his jaw, smearing that cherry lip gloss all around his mouth with the way you get into it. Breathing heavy against his cheek, slipping your tongue past his lips and tapping it against the edge of his teeth.

He grabs at your thighs—desperate and totally indifferent if you know it—pulling at you until your hips bump against his, skirt riding up again until it's sitting in the dip between your stomach and the tops of your thighs.

He slides a hand up the lattice of your tights, climbing higher and higher, so close to your cunt he can feel the heat caught up in the space between your legs.

You drop a hand from his face, press against his wrist, gasping out the words between the harsh crush of his mouth.

"Don't. You'll fuck up the paint."

Eddie shakes his head. "Don't care."

You pull back, scrunching your nose at him indignantly.

"I do."

There's a knock on the door, timing so perfect it's like you summoned it. Gareth's voice calls out through the thin walls, saying something along the lines of, "showtime, motherfuckers."

"Fuck that," Eddie lets out a hard sigh through his nose as you slide off the counter, but he makes space for you to slip out from between his arms. He watches you, leaning back against the counter while you wipe off the smeared lipstick with a washcloth, moving in close to reapply.

He couldn't give two shits about the show now.

You snap the cap back on the tube, hand him the stained rag so he can clean himself up. It turns his skin red where he rubs at the sticky stain, but he gets his first real glance at the eyeliner. It looks pretty metal.

You catch Eddie by the collar just before he's about to step out of the bathroom, two fingers sliding against his skin, pulling him close.

"Listen," —and Eddie is, feeling your lipstick brushing over the shell of his ear— "you get us this record deal, and you can do whatever you want to me tonight."

[cwritesforfun]

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader: Introverts & Parties Don't Mix Well

You're in the band and while you are close to all of them, you and Eddie tend to gravitate to each other.

Y/N = Your First Name & L/N = Your Last Name

Narrator = Julia Dunne (but Narrator for sake of the story)

** I do not own the DJATS characters or plot ** **** The timeline is going to seem weird lol but I'm just writing what I want to write lol ****

Masterlist

Y/N's POV

Narrator: This is just going to be your introduction. So could you tell us who you are and how you got into Daisy Jones & The Six? Y/N: Hi everyone I am Y/N L/N! I have always loved listening to music and creating music. When I was younger, I started with piano and guitar. Then in middle school, I learned flute and piccolo because I wanted to be in a concert band. I joined a band with friends outside of school in early high school and we played some small gigs in town. After high school, I moved to Los Angeles and met Karen within my first week. Her band needed an extra musician and I filled the spot. I followed Karen wherever she went, and she did the same with me. If one of us left a band then so did the other. We only joined a band if we both could. I learned sound engineering and technology to do anything a band could need. Karen took up something else. I'm feeling really tired at the moment, so I honestly can't remember. You’ll have to ask her. The Dunne Brothers played after us at this bar. We met the boys there. I wasn’t interested in being social and I left, but they liked Karen. So, we changed bands. Narrator: Were you angry that you had to leave? Y/N: No. The band we were with never liked our ideas or respected us anyway. They also wanted Karen & I to dress a certain way that we didn't want to. Karen: I just wanted to make music and I wanted to do it with Y/N. She is and was my best friend. Narrator: Did either of you ever think about splitting ways? Karen: Never. Y/N: Never. Narrator: Wow, and would you say you're both still best friends? Karen: Yes. Y/N: Yes. Narrator: We already talked about Karen joining. What about Y/N? How did you feel about her joining? Billy: We needed a keyboard player, which was Karen. Her only condition on which she would accept our offer to join the band was to let Y/N join as well. The rest of the band liked Karen and thought that it was worth it to bring in Y/N too. I'm glad we did. Y/N is and was such a kind soul. She was also very kind to Camila and you growing up, so yeah I was a fan. Warren: Y/N, yeah I found her hot. We saw her play and she rocked hardcore. She also had a cool voice, so I was on board. As soon as I saw how Eddie looked at her, I knew he was a goner. That man was lost in the world of Y/N even before we met her. Daisy: I liked her a lot. Her vocal range was amazing and I could listen to her for hours. Y/N was always kind to me. I consider her to this day one of my close friends. Graham: Y/N was cool. To be honest, I was more focused on Karen at the time, so I was all for letting Y/N join. We don't keep in touch as much as I would have liked because of well Karen. Eddie: She could sing, she knew how to work any sound technology, she could play so many instruments, and she was single. Yeah, I was interested in her as soon as we were told she could join.

Narrator: How were the early days for you? The boys talked a lot about the parties. Did you like the groupies and parties? Y/N: God, I hated the parties at first. Introverts and Parties, they don't mix well. I realized that part of being in a band is doing things they like and interacting with them in social spaces. Even if I preferred being alone in my room, I wanted to be close to the band. And, if I hadn’t been pulled out of my comfort zone at those parties, I never would’ve fallen for Eddie. Narrator: Were you always closest with Eddie? Other than Karen, that is. Y/N: Yes, I was. Graham mainly hung out with Karen and he only talked to me if it would make him look good for Karen. Obviously, I was still close to Karen. Daisy was not always in the right headspace, which made me too worried to hang out with her because I wanted her to be safe. Billy was too serious at work but he was cool at parties. Camila was kind and I would talk to her at a lot of parties. Warren was so outgoing that I was anxious being around him at parties because he would try to get me to take more shots or take drugs. He was cool during recording sessions and for work though. And as for Eddie, I knew he was talented and Billy didn’t see his full potential. I also knew that some of Eddie’s ideas were good ones if we just went through with them. He was also a really inspiring songwriter and had a sweet voice. He'd probably hate that I called it sweet, but it always felt like home to me. Eddie: Y/N was always supportive of me and my ideas. She would listen to demos of songs that I’d written and we’d write together. She was a great lyricist on top of everything else she was amazing at. She was perfect to me. Y/N: Before we started dating, Eddie and I would spend a lot of time together. Warren always joked that Eddie and I should just cut the sexual tension by having sex. He also kept telling us that we should date because we clearly both liked each other. We were both coming to terms with seriously liking each other, so we would then just make fun of Warren for getting drunk and we wouldn’t talk about it. We just agreed to move on. Well not until this one party…

Skip to the party ~

You hang with Billy, Camila, and Daisy drinking before you decide to head outside to see if it’s quieter and calmer. Billy and Daisy are tolerating each other, so you feel good leaving them with Camila.

You notice no one sitting at the table by the fire pit so you grab a new drink and sit down. A guy you’ve seen at parties before starts talking to you and sits in the chair next to you. You decide to be polite so you keep talking to him.

You feel arms wrap around your neck and can tell it’s Eddie. You know his cologne and you know his hugs. He leans down, kisses your cheek, and exclaims, “I was wondering where you were, babe. Who’s your new friend?” The guy looks between you two, gets up, and runs away. It makes you and Eddie laugh. Eddie takes the guy’s seat and says, “I saw you out here and you looked bored. I wanted to save you from that guy.” You reply, “He was being polite and he never even talked about sex. It was nice actually. But, I just wanted to be alone to drink by the fire. It was getting way too much inside the house with all those people.” Eddie replies, “Yeah, tonight's energy is not the best. And, I did get myself into a bit of a sticky situation. I need your help.” You ask, “Sure, what’s up?” He answers, “I need you to go inside with me and pretend to be my girlfriend. Some of the groupies and Warren are annoying me. I want them to leave me alone and I'll even sneak somewhere quiet with you after.” You ask, “Why me?” He answers, “Everyone thinks we’re already dating. I thought it would be the easiest option... and well they asked if you were the girlfriend and I said yes.” You nod. So it’s just out of convenience and he agreed to a lie that you wish was true. You say, “Sure boyfriend. What do I need to know before we go in?” He tells you the plan as you walk in. You know Eddie and he loves physical touch. So you give him permission to be touchy as if you were actually dating and he gets a little flustered at the idea.

Eddie’s hand finds yours as you walk. He twirls you around and you dance together. Your hands go around his neck and his go on your waist. You ask, "Ready?" He looks confused and asks, "For what?" You answer, "A kiss, babe." You then pull him closer and you kiss. You wish you could say it was a horrible kiss, but the truth is, it was the best kiss you had up to that point in your life. You felt the fireworks everyone talked about. Eddie pulls away, puts his forehead to yours, and says, "Holy wow that was a kiss... I think I need something cold." You laugh and pull him toward the fridge. You hand him a cold beer that you open by kicking it with your foot. Eddie's jaw drops and he says, "Wtf, I didn't know you could do that." You press a kiss to his lips and say, "That's good, babe. It keeps the relationship more interesting." Eddie replies, "It really does."

You hear, "Well well well... if it isn't traitors." You see Warren with hands on his tips and girls hanging all over him. You ask, "Why are we traitors?" Warren answers, "You two have been fu**ing and dating without telling me. I've wanted you two to date since you two met. I thought you two would tell me first. Eddie was in love from the first time he saw you, Y/N." Great news great news... ok self act like this is old news... You wrap an arm around Eddie and say, "I know. It's so cute how he fell for me on day one. And Warren, we've been keeping it a secret. We didn't anyone to know just yet." Eddie's arm finds your waist and he adds, "We were waiting for the right time. We didn't want to steal anyone's thunder." One of the girls asks, "You two are hot. Are you looking for a third?" You smirk and answer, "We don't like sharing." Warren lets out a laugh and says, "Staking your claim on your man, wow. Eddie, do you feel the same? You've done an orgy or two." Eddie smirks and replies, "Hearing the woman you love moan your name during an orgasm is more satisfying than being with multiple people." You feel your cheeks blush and you move a little because it is feeling a little hot in here. Warren says, "I'll leave you two to it then." He walks away with the girls.

(( PLAY THIS NOW for the full experience ))

Before you and Eddie can talk, the power goes out. You all start passing out candles and flashlights. Karen finds you, pulls you into a hug, and leads you to the piano. She starts playing and you start singing. Daisy joins you and you both twirl each other around. Eddie starts playing and his eyes meet yours. They never leave you as you sing. Daisy starts singing with Billy and you join Karen on the piano bench. Karen lets you play with her. Everyone is singing and it's magical. It feels so nice being here with friends doing what you love.

People start leaving after that and you go to your bedroom to wait for everyone to clear out. You also are trying to avoid Eddie because tonight did crazy things for your heart. You knew how much you cared about Eddie, but tonight made you fall deeper for him. It's going to be hard to keep going with hiding your feelings. Maybe you should tell him? If he says he sees you as a friend, then well... you could just quit the band. Karen should stay though. She fits in well.

You leave your room and Eddie is standing there staring at you. He exclaims, "Hey uh I need to talk to you." You reply, "Funny, I need to talk to you too." He replies, "Oh good... Can I come in?" You nod and he walks in. You ask, "So, what do you need to talk about? Does it uh... does it have to do with our little act tonight?" He answers, "Yeah it does... great job by the way. I think it really worked. You're a great actress." Actress... yeah you were acting. Your shoulders deflate and you sigh. So he must not feel the same. He asks, "What's wrong? You seem upset." You answer, "Because Eddie Roundtree, I like you. And tonight's little act wasn't acting for me! I like you a lot and I want to date you if you would like to go on a date with me." His jaw drops and he exclaims, "I really like you too. Ever since I saw you sing for the first time, I knew you were it for me." You ask, "So then kiss me like you mean it?" He smirks, pushes you onto the bed, and kisses you deeply.

Your door creaks open and Eddie stays on top of you. Warren jumps and says, "Oh sh**! I thought you two were kidding when you said you were dating. I'm backing out of this room slowly or I could stay and watch. This is kind of hot." On sync, Eddie and I scream, "LEAVE!" Warren backs out of the room and Eddie collapses next to you with laughter. He says, "You smell really good. Can I stay in your bed tonight? I want to smell like you." You answer, "You can stay here, but won't you be uncomfortable sleeping in jeans?" He smirks, "Babe if you wanted to see me naked, you could just say it." You cover your face with your hands as you blush while saying, "I just want you to be comfy. I'm going to put on different clothes. I'm not sleeping in this dress." He replies, "Well babe, you looked really hot tonight. I don't know if this dress was to get my attention, but it worked. I want you to wear this on our first date." You smile and say, "I can't wait for our first date. And, I did wear this dress for you." He smiles and you kiss again.

You change into your pajamas and Eddie asks, "Is it okay to sleep in my boxers?" You answer, "Sure." He lays down in my bed and replies, "Your room is quieter than my room. Wtf! Is this how you sleep every night? I laugh and say, "Yeah. It's because I'm next door to Karen who we all know is too down bad over Graham to properly hook up with someone so it's quiet. I also don't share a wall with Warren or Billy who are little sex demons." He laughs and replies, "You're so lucky. Don't be surprised if I start sleeping in here." You laugh and reply, "I don't mind. You can take your afternoon naps here if you want as well. I usually am on my runs or reading outside at those times." He replies, "You're making me feel so spoiled." You laugh and ask, "But you have to do one thing for me, do you promise?" He asks, "What? I'd do anything for you." You answer, "I kind of wrote this song about you and I want you to listen to it. You're always really good at helping me improve my lyrics and you give me such helpful critiques. I want to eventually release this song even if not with the band. I just really like it." He smiles and replies, "A song about me? And why would you release without the band? Oh wait Billy would probably not want it because he's not the star. True." You reply, "I don't think any one of us is the star of the band. We all have star potential and star qualities. Billy is talented, but he needs to learn to compromise. The song about you is about my crush on you."

Narrator: How was the song? Eddie: It was so cute. Y/N is an amazing singer and her lyrics had me blushing so much. Her little smile as she stared at me while singing was melting my heart. I told her to change one line because I think another word fits instead of what she wrote, but it was perfect. Teddy actually helped Y/N produce and release it, which we all supported. Y/N was staying in the band, so no one minded. Y/N: Eddie was so cute when I played it. Teddy also really liked it and said it would be a summer hit. Sure enough, it was. Narrator: How was the rest of the tour? Y/N: Insane wow! I opened our summer shows to play my single with Eddie as my lead guitarist, which was fun. We'd then run off and run back on with the rest of the band. Everyone loved my song including the rest of the band. Eddie and I had fun at every show. We spent some nights drinking out with the rest of the band. Some days I wanted to have a chill night and Eddie wanted to be wherever I was, so we would spend some time with Billy in his bus. Billy and Eddie would act civil in front of me. It was nice. We had fun... until it wasn't fun anymore. The tour ended. The band broke up. Most people wouldn't talk to each other. Narrator: What about you and Eddie? Y/N: I got my stuff from Karen's place and moved in with Eddie. We shared rent, and cooking responsibilities, and just enjoyed being together. He became a music producer and helped me produce music. I've played some small venues and started creating a fan base. It's really cool to do what you love with someone you love. Eddie: Don't tell Y/N, but I'm proposing tomorrow night.

Masterlist

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 23 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3319 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

Finally, I spotted him, chilling on a couch in the corner, rocking a beer and a smoke as his serious eyes stared at me. My heart tightened seeing him like that; normally, when he saw me, it meant smiles and a hug. Now, however, he just watched me, his cool blue eyes meeting mine from across the room. I held his gaze for a while, my face turning a bit warm as we looked at each other. Heart skipping a beat, I wondered: was he gonna brush me off? Stand up and bail, pretending I wasn’t even there?

✦ summary: Reuniting with James forces Nore to confront the complicated feelings that arose after their kiss.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, love triangle, drinking, smoking, recreational drug use

✦ a/n: Hello! I'm finally on Christmas break and have lots of free time, so I'm trying to write as much as I can! I'm really glad I could post this chapter before the end of the year, and I hope it won't take me too long to post the next ones :) We're on the final half of the story, and things will get a bit more intense from now on. So, how do you think James and Nore are gonna deal with their feelings from now on? I'm really excited to write about it! Thank you so much for reading, feedback is welcome and motivates me a lot! ❤

✧ I want to be the girl with the most cake / He only loves those things because he loves to see them break / I fake it so real, I am beyond fake / And someday, you will ache like I ache ✧

It didn't take too long for me to catch up with my friends again. Just a bit over two weeks post-Leanne's birthday bash, Cliff gave me a ring with some exciting news: the band had landed a gig at a renowned venue in Los Angeles, and if the first show drew a good crowd, there was talk of a repeat performance to wrap up the year.

I hadn’t crossed paths with James since he had kissed me; gotta admit, the idea of facing him after all that had happened had me feeling a bit uneasy. But I was hopeful that, when the time came, we could have a conversation about it. I just hoped we could keep our friendship. There were many things I could handle, but losing him for good was not something I was ready for.

The band needed to fill the place, so Cliff asked if I could bring someone along. I ended up inviting Pat, my friend from the record store, to join me at the show. I mean, asking Dave was out of the question; as time went by, he was getting more and more bitter every time Metallica came up. Even though he wasn't thrilled about me going to the show, having a companion seemed to ease his mood a bit. Ever since I came home with a bruised hand from having to defend myself, he seemed to gradually become more protective and concerned every day. I knew he'd rather I not navigate crowded spots alone, especially at a metal show. But, when it came to Metallica, his wounded pride still had the upper hand.

I met up with Pat right outside the record store before the gig, so we could go to the venue together. She greeted me with the biggest smile, her blonde locks and blue eyes all dazzling.

"I'm so stoked!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing with happiness as I handed her the ticket and the backstage pass. "I've never had backstage access before. This is gonna be rad!"

"Yeah, it's cool. But don't expect anything too fancy; we usually just score some drinks and access to the dressing room," I said, throwing out a strained smile. I tried not to let the nerves creep in about seeing James again, but now that showtime was approaching, my anxiety was cranking up by the minute.

"Oh, don't be a buzzkill," she pouted. "You’re in a bad mood today? Aren't you happy to see your friends?"

"Sorry, Pat. I'm just kinda on edge," I replied with a sigh. Despite really liking Pat, I wasn't up for diving into the whole James-kiss situation with anyone. Truth is, I had been mulling over it way more than I'd like. Couldn't wait to clear the air with James once and for all.

We rolled up a bit later to the venue, and there was already a decent line of fans. It always blew my mind how they had just dropped their first album not long ago but were pulling in a hype crowd that was growing by the day. I could sense the West Coast getting too cramped for whatever they were cookin' up. And, like always, no need to wait in line for us; the IDs whisked us straight backstage, where the guys were getting their act together, getting stage-ready, and already a bit toasted.

I couldn't really zone in on the whole scene that kicked off with Lars, Kirk, and Cliff swooping in for the welcome party; drinks were handed out, cigs were fired up, and Lars, as usual, threw in his cheeky comments ('hey, your friend's a total babe!'). But honestly, none of that was grabbing my full attention. My eyes were on a mission, desperately looking for the only person I wanted to see. No matter how much I tried to fool myself, all I cared about was making sure things were cool between James and me.

Finally, I spotted him, chilling on a couch in the corner, rocking a beer and a smoke as his serious eyes stared at me. My heart tightened seeing him like that; normally, when he saw me, it meant smiles and a hug. Now, however, he just watched me, his cool blue eyes meeting mine from across the room. I held his gaze for a while, my face turning a bit warm as we looked at each other. Heart skipping a beat, I wondered: was he gonna brush me off? Stand up and bail, pretending I wasn’t even there?

Instead, he just got up, strolled over, and handed me the beer bottle.

“Want some?” he asked, throwing a faint smile my way. I blinked, kinda surprised. The way he talked, it was like nothing had happened. Like he never had kissed me. Like I never had bolted out of Joe's kitchen, leaving him all alone.

But, hey, wasn’t that exactly what I wanted? For things to be normal again. For us to stick to being friends, no drama.

“Of course. You ever see me turn down a beer?” I replied with a grin. He let out a soft chuckle and handed over the bottle, his cold fingers brushing mine for the briefest fraction of a second before he brought the cig back to his mouth.

Before long, the venue staff gave us the heads up that the show was about to kick off. The guys wrapped up their final checks, and Pat and I joined them, enjoying a beer by the stage. Pat was all hyped about it; even though she didn't know the band, she was really getting into the music, full of the enthusiasm you'd expect from a dedicated fan. As for me, I was a bit more reserved this time. Don't get me wrong, I was always happy to catch up with my friends, but I couldn't ignore how uneasy I felt, especially when I noticed James's glances, splitting his attention between the crowd and shooting looks my way, a silent storm brewing in his blue gaze.

After the concert wrapped up, he handed his guitar over to a puzzled Kirk, not even bothering to look at him. He headed my way, big steps and a bit of annoyance wrinkling his forehead; at that point, I was almost sure he was going to cup my face in his hands and kiss me again. The idea had my face turning hot, my heart racing, and the palms of my hands getting sticky with nervous sweat, recalling the feel of his lips on mine. Instead of that, he just stopped and locked eyes with me for a moment, carefully studying my face before saying:

“So? How was the show?”

“It was awesome! You guys rock, I loved it!” Pat exclaimed, all excited, breaking the momentary electricity that had arisen between us two. James raised an eyebrow, curious, as if just now realizing she was there, and shot me a puzzled look. I just shrugged, wearing a slight smile.

"It was killer, like always," I said with a grin, and he shot one right back at me. There it was — the familiar, genuine smile I'd been missing all night. I couldn’t help but feel relief wash all over me when I saw it.

We wrapped up the night at some random downtown bar. Most of the time, I stuck with Pat since she only knew me there. A couple of beers, a joint, and watching her all hyped up did the trick; I started to unwind, and soon enough, I was enjoying the night with a lightness I hadn't felt in ages. Had a cig between my lips, just chilling and keeping an eye on the guys from a distance. Cliff and Kirk were deep into some serious chat, sharing a joint. Lars and James had found some fans from the show, cracking up and talking loudly while passing around a bottle of vodka.

"Can I ask you something?" Pat threw out. I shifted my gaze from the scene, catching her curious, kinda fuzzy look — probably thanks to a bit of the booze. Before I could even answer, she kept going: "What's the deal with you and James?"

"Me... and James?" I raised my eyebrows, totally caught off guard. She nodded, a little smile playing on her lips. "We're... We're friends."

"And that's it?" She raised an eyebrow, and I furrowed my brow.

"Of course, that's it, Pat! You know I'm dating Dave."

"Yeah, I know. It's just..." She started, letting her eyes wander over to Lars and James before turning back to me with a mischievous grin. "He's quite the looker. Mind if I flirt with him a bit? Just for fun, you know."

I blinked, caught off guard, and then burst into laughter, my face heating up in a mix of surprise and confusion. Out of all the scenarios playing in my head for that night, Pat showing interest in James was definitely not on the list.

“Sure, why not,” I said, and she shot me a smile before strutting in the direction of James and Lars. I watched her go, a little smirk on my face, a tiny pang of envy sneaking into my chest. Maybe life would be more of a breeze if I could summon that kind of confidence in myself so easily.

"So now you're playing matchmaker?" I heard Cliff's familiar voice, and I looked up to meet his brown eyes staring at me. I grinned as he lit a cigarette, handing it to me before popping the top of the beer can he had in his hand. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better. And you?"

"Are you sure?" he raised an eyebrow. "Last time I saw you, you weren't very happy."

"Yeah, felt a bit down after... you know, what happened," I confessed with a sigh. "But I think that's all settled now, isn't it?"

Cliff didn't seem entirely convinced. He took a drag from his cigarette, the smoke billowing out before he reached out to me. I took the cigarette from between his fingers, bringing it to my lips.

"I thought James liked you," he commented, his attentive gaze fixed on my face. I shrugged.

"Maybe he does. But you know I have a boyfriend, Cliff. Maybe it's good for him to be distracted by some other girl for a bit," I said, and Cliff snorted.

"Not even you believe that, Nore."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think? Are you sure about what you're doing, throwing your friend at him like this? Or will you regret it later?"

"Why would I regret it?" I furrowed my brow, then stared at him defiantly. "I know what I'm doing, okay?"

"If you say so," he shrugged, taking the cigarette back from my hand.

I watched him walk away with a frown, scanning the area for James, my stomach churning uncomfortably when I couldn't find him anywhere.

We bounced out of the bar late at night, still riding high on excitement and energy, a bit too drunk but not giving a damn about it. Lucky for us, the guys were staying at a friend's house nearby, and a quick call to Pat's dad had us sorted for a ride home from their place. I said my goodbyes to the guys and enjoyed the cruise home. Pat, usually a chatterbox, was oddly quiet on the drive. When I nudged her about James, she blushed so hard I couldn't help but crack up.

When I got home, I made a beeline for the shower. The hot water washed away the remnants of the night's boozing, helping me unwind and finally realize how tired I was. I slipped into my PJs, hopping into bed next to a knocked-out Dave.

I let out a soft chuckle when his arms wrapped around me, his lips landing on my neck. It was like he had a sixth sense that woke him up the moment I was back, even from the deepest sleep. Like he just knew I was nearby. How could I think of anyone else when Dave loved me like this?

“Hey,” he mumbled, his voice all sleepy, planting a kiss on my shoulder.

“Hey,” I replied with a smile, turning in bed to face him. I swept his ginger hair away from his face, and he grumbled before pulling me closer, burying his face in my neck.

"Missed you tonight," he murmured, his raspy voice making me shiver in the best way. "Glad you're back."

"Course, I'm back," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. "We’re not gonna fight tonight, right?"

"Hmm..." he grumbled, his lips making their way up my neck until they met mine. His hands grabbed my waist as he settled on top of me. "No fights... got something else in mind."

I laughed into his kiss, my face warming as he turned up the intensity, making my whole body heat up. In that moment, wrapped up in his arms, I was sure I was loved. I was sure he loved me. And that was, and always would be, enough. 

Or, at least, that's what I told myself.

✧ if you'd like to be tagged on the next parts, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

[izpira-se-zlato]

Munich, 26.03.24

Gig report! Can’t believe this tour is almost over :o In true Joler Ot fashion I am writing this while our train is losing a broken carriage so we're picking up delays. Fun.

The queue was. Insane. I just. Boggle at how we went from the chill Berlin and Hamburg and Leipzig queues to this.

The actual queueing was pretty chill regardless, thankfully

There was a whole-ass. Like. Tumblr meetup? Not like, planned, but I met (at various points) @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare, @nyx-aira, @itskrejsaitsparty, @j-restlessgeek, @lovvecherrymotion, @thisismyobsessionnow, @zadig-fate, @mogoce-nocoj and probably more because my brain is a sieve. So wild to just meet these people irl, you know?

My place in the queue was right in front of the person who sold Kris and me our EA tickets, which I thought was super funny

Kris was technically way further ahead of me but traded her place with a teenager whose only gig on this tour was this one and who was super bummed by someone cutting in line in front of them, and instead joined me further back and jfc we had so, so much fun. So glad I didn't have to be all alone. Gigs are more fun with friends, as it turns out (who woulda thunk)

I got a lot of short messages for my gig memory book 😊

I'm actually out of I 💛 Hojan and medium Hojan stickers. And I think tall Hojan stickers? So there's an end in sight 😂

super late gig start (EA doors was at 19:00)

The Munich venue is tiny and so Kris and I were… 7th or 8th row Jance side. I saw pretty well for the soundcheck, but after general doors a tall girl with two friends pushed her way in front of us (cutting in from the side) and severely limited my view… until a queue friend asked if we wanted to swap places bc she's taller and also wanted to be next to her friend (who was another tall person in front of us). So Kris and I went on Jan-side kinda in front of the speakers and it was a really great view 😊(thank you again)

We got NGVOT (no Kris version) and Vem da greš for soundcheck

Jance played each others' instruments (again). Well. I think Jan played Nace's bass while Nace either touched the dials or the tremolo. I hate them

there was also another Jance moment that got such a homophobojan from Kris I had to laugh. I think Jance were playing their instruments at each other at that moment? Kris was just "jfc guys" from his expression

Sector 5 were so, so good from our spot. Finally heard the lyrics again (I heard only the drums and maybe a bit of the guitar in Cologne). Sound-wise, our spot was excellent ngl.

I'll definitely miss them. If they have a concert in Berlin I can swing (or come by where I live), I'll definitely go. But yeah, I really grew to like them! (also they're babies. like. 21. They all studied music in Berlin, which is where they met. And the guitarist used to do parcour for several years which is why he did a backflip on stage each show)

they were definitely adopted into the family with glasses given to them (they kept falling off Mika's face so the guitarist, Johann, put them on and looked slej) and people singing along and just. The vibes were great. You could also definitely tell they'd settled into the stage compared to Berlin (which was their first gig for JO)

JC Stewart 🥰

I really grew to like his set, if he ever comes near where I live, I'll go for sure

I still don't understand the timeline of the boys meeting JC tho. It doesn't make sense. According to JC, Conor introduced them at the end of last year, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have time to be in the UK. At least not all five of them

Kris and I attempted to speak JC's jokes at the same time as him. It worked worryingly well

Actual gig was Katrina opener

Jan in only a leather jacket, worn open?? Maybe Bojan was right and they did run out of shirts xD boys have you heard of the concept of a laundry machine?

Nace in a simple white shirt, tucked into his pants. Jfc. Truly starting to be Nace girlie (gn) period

Kris wore a half collar underneath a sweater vest which was a look. What kind of look? I'm still not sure, if I'm honest

Jure in the sleeveless jeans vest and otherwise topless. I caught glimpses of him and hnnng

Bojan was also there ig

well. There was a small girl in the audience (on her mom's shoulders) of around. 7 or 8 years? So we got a whole lot of heart-eyes-Bojan

the girl sang UM and Bojan pulled her onto the stage (no Bojan in the audience bc of the speakers)

no idea how long UM lasted bc I put stuff on Instagram in the meantime

we got Barve 😭 I screamed so much and was so happy and gaaaah. I love this song so so much. And of course Bojan did the Ju-re Ma-ček! (and so did the audience)

we got Schlager 😭 Bluza my beloved where are you

tho tbf they look so fucking happy playing that song

Nace almost went to his knees in front of Jan twice (at least)

they also did that "leaning against each other"-thing again

I didn't film a lot bc I was too busy vibing, though I did take a bunch of pictures

Fairy!Bojan. Or as @itskreisjaitsparty put it on tumblr: Prinzessing Lilifee at home

People threw stuff on stage like a crown with a veil attached and sparkly glasses and so Bojan went, "Kris, you have to put on everything they've thrown at you!" and Kris did

Nace got heart-shaped glasses with rainbow studding and tried to show Jan immediately but Jan was busy 😂

The atmosphere of the gig was really, really good

The girls next to us started bawling during Barve iirc and just. Didn't stop. The cute security guard near us (who I think recognised me from the December Strom gig) shared amused glances with me bc the girls were kinda adorable. At least that's how I chose to interpret their expression

someone fainted ahead of us. Though not badly enough to be removed, just sat down for a while while the security guard stood, well, guard and had the girl drink something

It was actually so freeing not to be not in the very front but off to the side. We had space to dance and make snarky/funny comments at each other and just laugh

I got a Vita wave! She was shooting from behind the merch table, which was up two stairs from where I was, and so I kept glancing back, and just before she made her way into the crowd to shoot from there, she waved at me :D

They got food (Trolli gummi bears 😂) and Nace fed Kris two of them. I didn't catch the moment on video but it was so cute

After the gig, we talked a bunch to the Sector 5 guys. They're kinda adorable

JO left immediately without even saying goodbye to the Sector 5 guys. Guess Bojan wasn't the only one out late last night (it was a bit disappointing because Munich didn't get them last time, either)

we still stayed and talked to each other a whole bunch well after it was clear JO had left -- chatted with Mika (Sector 5 singer) a bit more, and then just the tumblr girlies

as we turned to leave for Astrid's hotel room (just like last time) well after the band had left (just like last time), I said, "well, at least this time they won't have reason to tag me on IG" (unlike last time), only to open my phone to a tag from Jan bc he restoried my pic😂 collecting yet more twinning moments from Jance ig

[darkisrising]

⭐

(But also I'm greedy and if you want to do Never Leaving Well Enough Alone, I have a special soft spot for that one since it's one of the first ones of yours I ever read.)

(link to game if anyone wants to play)

Sure thing, friend! Never Leaving Well Enough Alone was one of my first attempts at writing in the Mandalorian world. My friend @treescape was writing dinluke and was talking about how active the ship was (back in those early days, circa 2021). Since I was writing quiobi where we were small but very engaged, I was intrigued by this phenomenon of hordes of ppl reading a single fic at once, but made the off hand comment that I doubted I was good for writing any other ship, since I'd only just returned to writing fanfic and still was in my painfully insecure era. But then she said something along the line of (back then) there being very little explicit content for the ship (oooooooh how the tables have turned on THAT lmaoo) and I had this moment of "well... I can write sex at the very least?" so my first few dinluke I went into them with the very clear objective to sex them up more than the landscape at the time was doing, since I *think* if I recall that the emphasis on the ship back then was more on Luke as a potential second dad for Grogu... very romancing the single dad vibes... and mando was essentially one big walking chastity belt.

NLWEA was basically me throwing a chunk of sex into the ship, and then I was gonna run away and hide. At least, that was my plan. So it's a 5+1 time structure, with the idea that they kept running into each other, and then at some point they would have sex. That's... pretty much it. I knew Luke because I went through a hard core OT phases back when the OT was re-released, and I like my Luke as the mouthy Tattooine "what a hunk of junk" farmboy so that's what I wanted to play with in this one. Han's ride or die. Leia's headache of a trouble-magnet brother. I don't think I'd even managed to watch all the episodes of Mando season 1 when I wrote this, let alone 2, but I liked the eternally exhausted freelancer in a gig economy bounty hunter we first meet in the show and figured meh. Why not give it a whirl? The sheer shock of waking up from throwing a post up on ao3 and getting the kudos email the next day. I mean. I can't overstress how MANY readers there were back then. Just. Mindbreaking amounts. I went from quiobi where a hundred kudos was like "oh man, yes, yay, I'm so proud of myself" to just. *hundreds* upon hundreds at once. It was... well. Yeah. Addictive to chase that validation. That's probably not what you're supposed to say when it comes to writing fic, that you got swept up in the attention, but it is what it is. I did. And it was very *very* fun to be participating in a fandom like that, when there's interest and energy, and so so so SO many talented people working at once at a frantic pace. It was such a rush.

I wrote without a really clear idea of where the story was going, except for the structure. As I wrote I was also watching the last few episodes of Mando season 2, and when I watched the episodes with cgi Luke I was like oh huh this isn't really the Luke I remember at all. Part of the lack of affectation was the cgi, but I liked the idea of trying to thread the needle between young Luke and Jedi "stoically driven by the force" Luke, so that's where chapter 4 changes mood from hijinks Luke to reserved Luke. And then, that let me have some fun with the idea that Luke was so consumed/inebriated with the force he absolutely didnt recognize Din from his younger days. Which made the reveal that Din knew extra fun to play with in the next chapter. Chapter 5 also happens to be the first time I wrote Boba Fett, and may *that* be noted by the historians, because I fell in deep, deep love with that man from that moment on. Which eventually led us to the BobaDinLuke stuff that took over my life for the last few years 😆

[elvenbeard]

18 and 34 for Vince on the OC ask h

game? 👀

Thanks so much for asking!! :D

18. Their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

He has done all ofthese and is doing all of them still more or less on the regular with his line of work.

Lying comes easier to him than he'd like to admit and in a way it's become a means for him to survive in a world that he doesn't feel like he fits in well. He is very confident in himself, his abilities, who he is as a person. But he doesn't trust easily, he doesn't like a lot of the people he's dependent on or has to deal with on a daily basis, and he's well aware he's not nearly as intimidating as he'd like to be. So he puts on a charming yet cunning mask and lies through his teeth if need be, to gain the trust of the people he needs to further his own goals, and to hide his own fears and weaknesses to avoid getting hurt or used himself. That leads to all kinds of fun guilty feelings where, if he's had to keep this facade up for a while, he wonders if he can really trust anyone at all anymore, if everyone all the time is lying and faking it as much as him, and if anyone or anything is truly still genuine, including himself. Does he really like being friends with Judy, River, Panam, Kerry, or is he just "automatically" befriending them for his personal gain? So yeah... he does not mind lying as such if it gets him where he needs to be, but it's a two-sided sword where he wishes it wasn't really necessary that he lied so much all the time (and thankfully, with the aforementioned and a few other close friends, his urge to lie subsides the better he gets to know them).

Stealing on the other hand he has a lot less complex feelings about. It's part of his job, he's good at it, no one else would bat an eye whether or not he'd be upset about getting stolen from, why should he? He never had to steal to survive, as in, steal food from a store. I think stealing data or information etc. he'd regard as no big deal and... to him it's the victims' own fault for not investing in better security measures. Cracking a code or breaching a system's security measures gives him a weird sense of accomplishment and he's good at this kind of stuff. Stealing physical things, well... Ask Jackie how that went that one time (although I'm gonna die on the hill that the Konpeki Heist failure was mostly Dex' fault, not V's, Jackie's, or T-Bug's XD)

Killing is something Vince actually does not enjoy, has never, will never. He tries to avoid physical altercations as best as he can, take out enemies in sneaky ways rather than with lethal force. He had to kill for Arasaka, traitors, spies, although as he rose in ranks he more and more would've delegated these tasks to subordinates (but then again, as Jenkins climbed the career ladder similarly, he delegated his own hitjobs to V instead...). If he can avoid it, he will avoid killing, because something about it just does not sit right with him, and I think if he's not in an extremely tight spot for money he'd also usually decline the Fixer's hitjobs or only take on those where there's a potential other solution to the clients' problems than death.

34. How would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

Tying this in a bit with my previous points on Vince's lying habits... this highly depends on who he's describing himself to. Potential new client? "I'm the best Night City has to offer, a professional with references, here's my list of amazing skills. Oh, all these problems you mention? They're no problems at all. Trust me. I will come up with a waterproof plan, I have the means, the connections, the equipment. You won't regrets this." (while internally he is cursing about how stupid of an idea this person's gig is, he knows he'll have to do this alone because no one else would be dumb enough, but on the other hand, the client could have [important piece of information or other thing] he despereately needs so, fuck it... he'll figure something out, he's good at that at least).

I think in general to people he doesn't know or wants something off of he would be over-confident and a little boastful, describe himself as competent etc etc even if not all of it is the case. What matter is that he gets what he wants in the end in these scenarios - money, a boost of reputation and streetcred, information, sex, drugs, whatever.

If he had to describe himself to someone he cares about or trusts... He'd focus more on what interest him, what he likes and dislikes, all still somewhat superficial though. He's confident and unashamed of his past and wishes, but yeah... Things like "I'm really scared of dying alone and being forgotten" wouldn't make it into a description of himself, he'd just omit all his insecurities and polish what he considers strengths. He'd probably describe himself as someone you can trust (but only if he trusts you or needs you, but he'd omit that), pretty down to earth (he's not, and Judy would call him out on it at every opportunity), level-headed (when in fact he can just hide and control his panic in tense moments very well) and yeah... something like that xD He'd be fine with being described as an opportunist, an optimistic realist, cause those two apply. He's sarcastic and creative, and not someone who can easily sit still, always needs something to do, a bit of a workaholic for sure.

[vettany2]

I really don't know how to begin. I'm a 23F, who's never been in a relationship. I'm really bad at reading social cues, let alone flirting. And yet I'm in an unrequited love with my friend.

We know each other for ages, we went to the same highschool, played the same instrument in music school (a "cram" school for music education partially funded by state) and ended up in the same music band due to our mutual music teacher. We were honestly more acquaintances and colleagues than friends for most of the time until just a few years ago.

After I went to uni, I changed quite a bit. I left the toxic environment of my friend group and it helped me with my self-esteem, my fashion style and my well-being. I basically broke out of my shell. I felt so much better. But he was still the same just until last summer.

The last summer changed everything. At least for me. Right during our first concert gig I noticed he was being more friendly with me but thought nothing of it. Maybe he's just in a good teasy mood as he sometimes tends to, it's just directed to others, not me. But the next few gigs were the same. He was more talkative with me, he teased me and he asked me some serious questions as well. Since he knew I never dated anyone, he asked me about my preferences (probably looking out whether I'm not lesbian but genuinely curious, not in a shaming way). He gave me a funny nickname, while we were never on funny nickname terms before. He kept on casually touching me (not in an unappropriate way) and just paid me more attention than ever.

I know, seems obvious. But I was so confused that at first I thought he's just teasing me and that he even made a bet with others to make fun of me. The toxic friend group I left really ruined me in some ways. Then there was first major thing that shifted my opinion.

We were sleeping over at the castle we performed at since our band was friends with the owner. I was kinda upset noone from the band was even remotely hanging out with me, except for when we were playing songs for fun. So I went out to clear off my head. Then I heard them talking to look for me so that we can watch the sunrise together as a band. Which we did. I was set to go read alone after we finish watching. But just when I was about to go for my book, he came to me and asked me to go castle exploring. To which I said yes as I love castles and history. We went through every nook and cranny of the castle, talked a lot and had a ton of fun. After we finished, he was about to go practice his instrument in a castle chapel cuz the acoustic there is just heavenly. And since practicing is a personal one person activity, I thought I'd find my own spot and practice a bit myself. After a while he came to me to ask me whether I'd like to parctice with him. Yep, you guessed it, I said yes. And it was the best practice I ever had. He even taught me to improvise in duet, which is kinda hard to do as it is very unpredictable and needs to be practiced. But it was so great. Just us, communicating through playing. It's a very intimate thing. I don't even know how long we were there. And the practice was ended with him complimenting me on my body. Which was not only out of place but noone ever complimented me like that. That was the first thing that made me think whether he really means it or he still teases me.

From now on his teasing and dare I say flirting was even more obvious and I was more and more confused and falling for him. It escalated so much that I even felt a sexual desire for him, which never happened to me before. I never felt any sort of desire toward other people and was avoiding any kind of touch. But suddenly I was looking forward to it.

Then the second major thing happened. It was the last gig for that season and the concert was just great. All of us had fun, so we decided to go for a drink after the gig. We went dancing to a club. We kinda awkwardly tried to dance in pair for a disco which turned out pretty weird but I had a lot of fun. That evening I left with a warm feeling in my chest.

That evening, I told him about how I'm bad with reading flirty cues and how I just don't know whether someone has already tried to approach me or not since I'm more or less blind in this. I opened a lot about myself and thought we were going somewhere. He was also texting me more than before (thought his replying tempo was kinda slow but it was still a progress from basically nonexistent texting before).

But then he asked me about what I search for in dating right now. I told him i'd like a serious relationship since I never had that but then the cold shower came down on me. He told me he just recently found out about the dude with whom his ex cheated on him and that he's searching for a friends with benefits kind of relationship. I mean, I get that it hurt him and that he was not ready for a relationship, which is totally okay. But since I am a virgin, who just recetly considered herself an asexual, I told him that I don't think this kind of relationship is for me. To which he said he understands that and with that our teasing and flirting ended.

Or so I thought.

We didn't meet each other for a few months and only hung out during a band meeting on New Year. And he was flirting and behaving still the same as during summer. I was confused as I considered the likelihood of our relationship reaching zero. After that evening I tried to text him a bit more again but his reply twmpo was even worse than before. Then our band had a meeting about the coming gig season and everything just went to shit.

We decided to perform two last gigs and then split the band as almost noone had time to meet the gig dates. He was unfortunately unavailable for both of those last gigs so I knew I had no chance of meeting him again. I asked him to help me with some maintenance stuff with my brand new instrument, to which he said yes. I considered it something between a friends hangout and a date. But I was mostly just seeking closure.

We figured out the date (he even forgot he agreed to this, which is pretty typical for him but it still hurt). When we were discussing the place, he was like "I'd like us to have a coffee" so we chose an outdoor coffeeshop because I wasn't sure if the instrument maintenance procedure won't be messy. And so I went there with mixed feelings but mostly excited. But then he came, we got our coffee, he did the maintenance thing during which we talked a bit. It just felt like a friends meetup. Right after he finished, he told me he needs to go somewhere else and just after 15 mins from ordering the coffee, we said bye and I went home very disappointed.

Feom now on, his text replies reached zero and I basically gave up. We met once or twice after that but I was so disappointed in him that I don't even know how he behaved towards me. Our current relationship is in this awkward state where I dunno if we're even friends to begin with.

The worst is that even despite all of those cues and signs, I still entertain those hopes and it hurts me even more because from a quick crush I fell into a genuine love as I think of him more than ever. I thought that disaster of a meetup will help me with ending my infatuation but it just made it worse. Which makes me even more miserable. I don't know whether he never planned on being with me or if it was caused by an unfortunate turn of events but I feel so sad and lonely because of it.

Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to write it out as I dunno who to tell.

(If you're reading this, you know who you are, I'd still like us to try and hang out at least as friends.)

[teawithaphd]

A Day in the Life of Eorzea University

FFXIV

(named) WOL x Crystal Exarch

f/m

Chapter 1: In Other Words...

“The Warrior of Light; Star student of Eorzea University. Although not often known for her skill in balancing a college life and a part-time job serving coffee at the Scions’ Café, she serves as a beacon, so others may walk the path of light to graduation. Will she manage to save the fabric of their school from fraying, or will her school-life balance be brought to the brink? Who is waiting for her there, on the far edge of fate..?" Inspired by the Final Fantasy XIV High School manga!

“Eorzea University, huh..”

Panne stares up at the larger than life building before her, it’s beautifully ornate windows and roof selling the idea of a world-renowned, and incredibly expensive school that few have the means to get into, let alone one who just gets by on a part-time coffee gig.. She looks to the students passing by, decked to the nines in prim and proper outfits fitting of aspiring professionals, and still can’t fathom how a volleyball scholarship, of all things, was the thing that got her in. Shaking her head, she tries not to pay much mind to the thought as she looks to the large, grandiose doors revealing a much grander inside.

Her heels click as she makes her way from eerily perfect grass lawns to marble befitting a palace. She looks down at the schedule in her hands before continuing down the halls to find the Psychology room.

…which only takes half an hour of going through mazes of hallways, only to find that she’s gone in a circle repeated several times before she finally finds the room in a seemingly obvious spot near the entrance.

She opens the slightly simpler looking door and enters the classroom.

As expected, it’s filled with more pompous pricks, she thinks to herself as she finds a desk at the back of the room and quietly slumps into her seat.

“Panne?”

She looks to the seat beside her, noticing the small elezen with shock white hair tied into an intricate braid with a red ribbon at the end of it.

“Alisaie, right? I didn’t know you went here, too.”

“Well, of course. My father would have my head if I didn’t go out and get a ‘proper’ education,” She sighs before resting her chin on her hand. “Plus my idiot of a brother wanted to pursue ‘Business and Politics in this star’s most prestigious university to get the absolute best education’, and dragged me along with him.” She turns her body towards the Miqo’te beside her, ignoring the professor beginning their lesson. “How about you? I never would have suspected you as the studious type, what bade you come here of all places?”

Panne mirrors the elezen’s position before answering, “I got a scholarship.”

“What for?”

“Volleyball.”

“Ah, so you’re a fellow Warrior, then…very interesting” A thought causes Alisaie to giggle to herself. “It seems we’re of the same mind, as I’m on the team as well. Let me guess, your major is undecided…?”

The Keeper shoots her a toothy grin, “Yup, my twin Warrior.”

“Uh, please don’t call me that…I already have a twin, and one twin is more than enough trouble as it is!”

They both laugh, causing a few students to turn around and shush them. Panne lowers her voice, “I never thought I’d find anyone from the Café studying here. Small world..”

“Just about all of us do, ‘lest I be mistaken. I’m doubtless you’ll soon run into them, one way or another.”

She nods before turning her attention to the lecture, which she tuned in and out of for the rest of the class. After the professor dismisses them, the Keeper is bided farewell by her somewhat acquainted elezen friend with a ‘see you at practice’ before going off to her next class. Panne does the same and wanders for several bells until she finds the room for the next class on her schedule, which she wants to crawl into a hole whenever she thinks about—classic literature study.

———

Just as Alisaie mentioned earlier, she happens to spot another one of her colleagues near the front of the class, his tall, lanky stature and odd manner of speech hard to miss. He spots her nearby door and gently pats the desk next to him.

“‘Ah, ‘tis a pleasant surprise indeed to find thee in such an institution. However ‘tis not but good tidings to see thee strive for a greater education, nonetheless. Come, I assure thee thou shalt not want for good company here.” She takes the seat beside him.

“And it doesn’t surprise me to see you here. Though, I didn’t expect to run into someone else from the café so soon..”

“I gather thou hast met with another of our fellow Scions today?”

“Yeah, Alisaie with just in my psych class.”

“Tis good to find thyself some sense of familiarity in unknown territory. Pray, didst thou decide on thine major of study?”

she ponders for a beat before answering, “No, I haven’t the slightest.”

“Ah, Alisaie too, hath found herself in a predicament similar to thine. Prithee, do not fret, as thou shalt soon find the answer to what thou willest to pursuit in thine career in good time. Of that, I am certain.”

“Oh, well that’s… nice of you to say that.” The elezen gives her a kind smile.

“If thou shouldst ever want for assistance, pray, do not hesitate to ask.”

“I appreciate it. Though, I will be needing some assistance in this class. I’ve never been good with books and the like…”

“Then, I shalt try my utmost to be of aid to thee.”

They continue their chat, where Panne finds out that Urianger is pursuing a degree in Astronomy and how some of the others from the café are also pursuing other prestigious-sounding studies such as Business and Political Science, Biochemistry, and Finance, before the professor begins his lecture. She pays surprisingly good attention to the lesson this time, with the help of the friend beside her with expansive knowledge on the subject to explain things to her whenever she feels lost. 

Her stomach grumbles in tandem with her eyes landing on the clock on the wall, minutes from striking twelve. Once it does with a silent click and the professor dismisses them, she breathes a sigh of relief and stands, giving a farewell to Urianger before heading to the convenience store across the street from the school.

——-

Rather then going to balk at the ridiculous prices at the university’s esteemed cafeteria, she grabs a simple sandwich and prepackaged black coffee from the refrigerator aisle of the convenience store. She brings her meal to the counter and quickly pays for the items before heading back to campus. The large courtyard is scattered with different cliques of students eating and communing with each other. Not seeing any more familiar faces in sight, Panne decides to eat alone and simply enjoy some silence and the nice weather. She finds a large oak tree with the perfect amount of shade and space uninhabited, surrounded by neatly trimmed bushes. Satisfied with her pick, she sits with her back leaning on the tree’s trunk and begins unpacking the contents from the plastic bag in her hand. She grabs the sandwich from inside and quietly munches on it, which, although is somewhat bland, is still decent enough to satisfy her appetite.

In midst of her eating, she barely registers the rustling coming from one of the bushes behind her. Her ears perk to the sound, leading her to turn her body towards it, only to find the bushes perfectly still. 

I must be imagining things

She turns her attention back to her lunch and continues eating, shrugging off the feeling of someone watching her. Just as she takes the last bite of her sandwich, she hears the rustling again. 

“Throw wide the gates”

Her eyes furrow in irritation as she turns once again to the source of the sound, this time noticing the top of a black hood with gold pieces adorning it peaking out of one of the bushes. 

The hells?

She stands up and begins walking over to it. “Hey, what are you—“

The mysterious figure sprints out of sight before she can finish her question. She pauses, staring down at the just-abandoned bush in utter confusion before slowly walking back to her spot to grab her things and leave.

“Well, that wasn’t weird…” she mutters under her breath as she makes her way back inside the school.

The rest of the day goes rather uneventfully; attending the next few classes on her schedule and luckily not falling asleep during any of them with the help of convenience store coffee. She finishes her last class of the day and looks down at her tomestone, with a set reminder notifying her of her first day of volleyball practice taking place in about half an hour and where it will be. 

——-

After navigating and getting lost in the school’s many winding hallways again, she finally finds the women’s locker room and makes her way there to change. She opens her locker and finds her designated uniform inside; consisting of a pair of tight, black shorts with an easy-to-fit hole for her tail, and a slim-fitted white jersey reading ‘Warrior’ in the back and ‘01’ in black letters in the front. After changing, she assesses her appearance in the mirror. The uniform is surprisingly flattering to her figure, the black shorts high up enough to give a good view of her lean, pale legs. She quickly adjusts the her hairband before giving herself a nod of approval and heading to the location of the volleyball court nearby.

The outdoor court looks more like somewhere where tournaments should take place rather than mere practice, with its beautiful view of more of the school’s trimmed and beautiful landscaping. The sight of it makes her truly feel in bigger leagues now, a different feeling from seeing the flimsy court paling in comparison to this one from her high school. The thought of such leagues makes her hands quiver ever so slightly.

Snapping herself out of her trance, she eyes the small elezen from this morning from the corner of her eye and waves. Alisaie smiles in response, beckoning her over to the group of other players.

“You got here just in time! Practice is just about to start.”

They go into a routine of simple, full body stretches before the team does a few practice serves and passes of the ball to each other. The Keeper vaguely notices several onlookers have gathered on the bleachers as she’s practicing bumps with Alisaie.

“It’s just like those who come to the café during your working hours just for the chance to bask in your presence when you serve them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, nothing…Speaking of, how long has it been now since you started with us? Feels like it’s been eons by now”

“Hm? Oh, I’d say it’s been about…a month or so? I started when I found out last minute that my scholarship isn’t entirely a free ride…”

“Really? Gods those bloody cheapskates…” As she trails off, an onlooker attempting to conceal themselves with an oversized hoodie pulled over their head catches Alisaie’s eye… A very peculiar black hoodie adorned with gold ornaments she can recognize from malms away, that can only belong to one person…and what, pray, could he be doing here except for one purpose? Not to watch her practice, as such things plainly are of no interest to him, if her many attempts to drag him here were to show for it, however…

With a knowing smirk, Alisaie turns back to the Miqo’te in front of her, and raises her voice an ilm louder.

“Say, are you seeing anyone right now? Romantically, that is.”

“What? What kind of question is that?!”

“So that’s a..?”

Panne sighs before answering, “no…”

“Well mayhap I can provide a little support then. You see, there’s a certain Miqo’te I know that may be of particular interest to you. ‘Tis not like he’s made any attempts in concealing his interest in you, anyroad.” Alisaie’s smirk grows even wider when she catches eyes with the hooded Miqo’te at the bleachers and watches him squirm in his seat.

“But I’ve hardly the time to seek those sorts of things right now.”

“Oh, don’t be like that! I’ll introduce you sometime, at least humor me?” She makes sure to wiggle her eyebrows at the Keeper at that last part, causing the latter to scoff.

“Why are you interested in my love life all of a sudden anyway?”

“Just curious is all…” a whistle blow catches both of their attentions. “Oh, I believe we should be practicing spikes now.”

The players each get their turns to practice the move with varying levels of success. Alisaie makes an impressionable leap in her spike, but slams the ball out of bounds. After nodding at the coach’s critiques, she beckons Panne to the court. 

The chattering from the players at the sidelines and students on the bleachers fall silent when the Miqo’te calmly walks to the center of the court. The coach mutters a few words of advice before asking if she’s ready, to which she responds with squatting onto the balls of her feet, focused solely on the ball the coach is holding. When the coach blows on the whistle and tosses the ball over the net, the Miqo’te briskly runs to where it’s about to land and leaps to an impressive height for her size, spiking the ball at lightening speed. The small, gathering crowd in the bleachers roar with cheers. It’s not a full-house, but their enthusiasm makes for a lively atmosphere. She turns to them with a grin and hands on her hips, basking in the excitement of the crowd at her winning move. She listens in on some of the whispers among them.

“Did you see that? That thing moved so fast I couldn’t see it until it hit the ground!”

“It was like a beam of light…”

“They better make that girl their Warrior of Light and keep her as their star player, what with talent like that.”

Pulled out of the sensation, she swears she feels a pair of eyes burning through her, but another sound of the whistle blow pulls her away from it. 

The coach grabs the ball from the ground and makes to her spot again.

“Excellent, Panne. Now, perform another spike just like that.”

With the blow of her whistle, the roegadyn woman tosses the ball again. When it crosses the net, Panne runs until she’s right under it, like before, and readies herself to jump again—only to feel an odd pair of eyes on her yet again. She turns to the bleachers and takes a good look at the suspect and notices an oddly familiar black hoodie decorated with ornaments of gold pulled over his head. 

It’s that weird guy from outside…  

She scans over his features, and notices a rather…handsome nose and mouth left unobstructed. She swears she can see him mouthing something.

“Let expanse contract, eons become instant…”

Before she analyze his features more, a volleyball suddenly bounces off the side of her head. Luckily, she catches herself enough as to not hit the ground and make a complete arse of herself on her first day of practice, but has to swallow her pride and mumble apologies to the coach when she scolds her for getting distracted, abashedly rubbing the back of her neck while doing so. 

When she gets back to the sidelines and lets the last person get in their last bit of practice for the day, Panne feels a tap on her shoulder and turns, noticing Alisaie looking at her with a face of concern.

“You okay?”

“Yeah… I think there was a stalker or something on the bleachers…”

“What? No way, I’m sure it’s just Thancred.”

She waves to the silver-haired Hyur sitting comfortably on the bleachers. He responds with a wave back and a wink to the two of them. 

“Not him, the other…” She surveys the bleachers again, sighing when she doesn’t find the mysterious hooded man she saw before, “…oh, never mind.”

———

Coach Merylwyb dismisses the team for the day with a ‘good work’ and encourages them to continue preparing for their game later that month. The players make their way to the locker room to clean themselves up and change. 

Chatters echo in the room as Panne shoves her sneakers into her locker and lazily slams it closed. She regards the white-haired elezen sitting on the bench behind her, working the knots in her hair with a brush.

“‘Tis no wonder you got a scholarship, you’re very good. Especially when you don’t freeze up mid-serve, of course.” She places the brush beside her before moving to re-braid her hair, “What was that all about, anyways?”

Panne swipes the brush from the bench and uses it to untangle some of the knots in her own hair. “Dunno…there was this…guy that kept staring at me. He was wearing a hood, but I’m pretty sure our eyes met. And then when I tried looking for him again, he just disappeared, I guess.”

“A hood? Sounds more like a ghost to me. Mayhap you have more in common with Alphinaud than I thought, if a ghost was enough to throw you off balance” she laughs at the Miqo’te’s pout, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! You’re probably just tired.” She swipes the brush back and uses it to touch up the end of her braid, “go home and get some rest, would you? Lest you suddenly grow an unmistakably boorish taste for politics too.”

“Yeah, sure. Who the hells has any taste for politics, anyways?” The comment makes Alisaie go into a giggle fest, and sends a sudden shiver down her twin’s spine at the other side of the campus. At his desk with neatly piled papers surrounding him at the library, Alphinaud looks around, swearing to the Twelve that someone was talking rubbish about him behind his back.. probably Alisaie, he wagers.

Panne gives a last wave to the twin with her before beginning the trek to her dorm a few malms away. 

———-

The exuberant, full of life campus has calmed to a peaceful quiet, save for the sounds of birds chirping and scant voices littered around the school’s courtyard. She breaths a sigh of contentment after the nice change of pace from the excitement of the events of the day, and slows down her pace to admire the oranges and yellows painted across the sky. 

Once a smaller, older-looking, albeit still fancy, building catches her eye, she picks up her pace to a jog to the front doors. She takes out the keycard from her pocket and scans the card reader in front. With a beep, the glass doors open, allowing her inside. Her feet take her to the stairwell beside her and up a couple floors, itching to be rid of her heels once she reaches her dorm room. She takes a left, then follows the hall to a door at the end of it. Finally, she thinks as she jams her key into the lock and twists it open with ease. She uses her body to shove the door open and unceremoniously closes it. Locking it again, she turns around and lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Thank the Twelve I’m home…”

She kicks of her heels and enjoys the peaceful quiet and comfort of her home, until that feeling is interrupted by the sound of slurping coming from the couch at the corner of her room. 

“Godsdammit Ardbert, did you break in again?” The slurping stops for a moment, and the source responds with a gruff ‘mhm’ before going back to his meal. Panne slaps a hand to her forehead and groans before marching to the couch. Greeting her there is the same Hyur who’s been slipping in and out of her dorm at random hours for months, sitting lazily with his legs propped up on her coffee table.

“How the hells did you get in here this time, anyways?” She points an accusatory finger at him, “and stop eating my ramen!”

He pauses his meal and looks up at her with a neutral expression, as if breaking and entering into a girl’s dorm is perfectly normal.

“Oh, I got in through the window. You’re running out of these, by the way.. ‘Twould be wise to keep them handy in the days to come” with that, he goes back to slurping on his noodles.

“I’ll be sure to lock the windows next time…”

She slumps next to him on the couch and leans in slightly closer, squinting as she reads the cup’s label.

“Ah shite, that was my last beef ramen! I was gonna eat that tonight…”

“You snooze you lose, my friend.”

She leans back to her corner and slumps into a melted puddle, groaning along the way. After a moment of comical yet comforting silence, she stands up and walks over to the small kitchen. She grabs a cup of chicken-flavored instant ramen and prepares it before settling back down on the couch beside Ardbert. After a few minutes of quiet slurping of her meal, Ardbert speaks up with a slight mocking tone.

“So? How was your first day?”

“What are you, my mother?” She sits up to place the finished cup along the pile of many other finished lazy college kid instant-ramen dinners scattered across the coffee table. With a satisfied grin, she slumps back down.

“…it was good.”

“Well, that’s good to hear. Anything interesting happen? Make any friends at least?”

“Not really. I went to class, met some people, ate lunch, got a stalker, and went to practice with the volleyball team with that same stalker watching me again. You know, the usual fare.” 

“Wait just a minute. Did you just say you have a stalker? Why would anyone be following you around? Don’t they have anything better to do?”

“Well you’re sure one to talk, constantly coming into my room at the random…”

Ardbert turns to face her with eyes widened. “…are you still angry about the time I came in while you were changing last week? I swore ‘twas with no ill intent!”

“I would be if that expression you made when I threw a pillow at you square in the face wasn’t so damn funny.”

The pout, so unfitting for a man too intimidating and burly to be a college student, makes the Miqo’te giggle.

“Seriously, though. Have you any guess as to who this mystery stalker may be?”

She brings a hand to her chin as she tries to remember if she was able to discern any features obscured by the hood said person wore.

“Hm…well he’s definitely male……” she shrugs, “…that’s all I got.”

“Well that certainly narrows down our search...” The comment earns him a kick in the leg, which he huffs to before continuing, “well, he has to be someone who knows a lot about you if he was able to find you at your practice. Could it be someone from one of your classes… or your cafe perhaps? Someone from there would know your schedule well enough.”

“It couldn’t be…Alisaie was practicing with me, Alphinaud’s too up his own arse in politics studies to be going anywhere that’s not the library or his room, Thancred was sitting at the bleachers during my practice as well as the stalker, plus his face was unobscured…and Urianger and Y’shtola don’t exactly strike me as the type to go out of their way to follow people around all day. They would more likely do the opposite…and to my knowledge, I don’t owe Tataru any money, so she’s definitely not following me.”

“Alright, well if it isn’t any of them…gods, look at the time.” He quickly stands up from the couch. “I should be heading out. Goodnight!”

“Wait, we need to figure out who the stalker is!”

“We can solve that mystery the next time I come.”

“And that is…?”

“...Take care, my friend.” He waves before proceeding to hop out of the window he came from, Panne protesting after him. She runs up to the open window and looks down to find the Hyur no where in sight.

“Would it kill you to use the damn door like a normal person?!”

After an exasperated sigh, she pulls the window panel shut and makes sure to lock it to prevent any more surprise visits from there. She draws the curtains and quickly changes into her pajamas, made of a simple camisole and sleep shorts, before plopping onto her bed. Thinking of the events of the day, and the possible issue of her newfound stalker she’ll be sure to let the others know about at the cafe tomorrow, she drifts off to a dreamless sleep.

Next——>

[fiendish-insanity-in-the-written]

OPEN TO: F (Mutuals and non mutuals)

CONNECTION: Ex lovers, best friends that fell in love but it went wrong, other creative solutions welcomed

MUSE ( test muse ) :  Axton ‘Ax’ Bransen ( part musician, part song writer, tattoo artist on occasion,   creative mind often choosing solitude, possible drug use, possible alcohol use, ‘survivor twin’, mental health at stake after the death of his twin brother)

Please do read the rules before interacting!

He tucked one of his three precious picks back into the pocket of his worn black jeans, being careful not to pick the pocket with the "decorative" hole on the left. The smell of sweat, smoke, stale alcohol and strong perfumes hit his nostrils in the back stage. Axton never got used to that smell, no matter how many years of playing in smaller clubs he had under his belt. The space was quiet, the screams and insane shouts of support had disappeared, and only the sound of glass clattering that the cleaning lady was probably sweeping from the floor could be heard echoing. His temporary band members have already gone to their homes, or to the couch of some one-time relationship to exorcise the devil of loneliness. Ax got used to being alone, or at least he tried to present it as the truth. He never understood himself and his intention to be deprived of partnership. He was sociable, but suddenly that spirit broke and he wanted to distance himself from every beating heart. Solitude was...practical, simple. Difficult, but without unwanted surprises that could pinch him and leave a new scar of disappointment. A scar that suddenly opened and burned again when suddenly a familiar voice was heard.

Ax flinched, dropping the pick before it disappeared into his pocket. " What the fuck... " he couldn't swallow the swear word, nor mask the surprised expression on his face when he saw the woman who entered the back stage. Hell...he hoped to get out of town before his past came knocking on his door. He could not smell her at every corner, remember all the moments where they hid in dark corners and fleetingly stole kisses...things he tried to push deep into the past of his existence. “  Kinda hard to think this was an innocent coincidence.. ” He joked half-heartedly, no matter that he was far from the mood for humor. Looking at a blank spot behind her, coal-haired man was instantly reminded how still he could not keep a decent eye contact with her. Fuck....some things never change.. some weaknesses never fade. “ Look, don’t know why you are here but, I am in town just for the gig, so you don’t have to worry about seeing me around for much longer.   “

[citylawns]

beef w grian?? :o do u know him

No not beef... a grudge lol. it was all one sided on my end which was my immaturity. we had one interaction in which he said something dismissive when my ex's band had just finished touring with them, basically i was excited to see my ex and his band at this gig, they were my closest friends and had been away on this tour and I had just finished work up the road- i couldn't find anyone at the venue and my ex wasn't answering his phone, I spotted L and was relieved to see a friend (frontman of ex's band and my best friend) he had just gone up to Grian and I went to say hi quickly and ask if he knew where my ex was so I could stop wandering around by myself looking lost and alone. I said "hey" but my friend didn't even look at me, instead literally turned his back to me like I wasnt there even though I had been right in front of him, and I knew it was cos he was talking to Grian who is very much the type of guy he wishes he was (better looking, better lyricist, bigger band) so I get why he didnt want to speak to me just then, but I would have just gone away if he'd taken one second to say "I dunno" but he made a point of blanking me and instead going into a deep convo with Grian, who I hadn't met before. there's a lot of history with me and my ex's band and this kind of behaviour so it goes way beyond this one instance with us hence why it hurt so much and why its something I really remember. but instead of just walking away like I should have I shook his arm because I was angry at being dismissed again. then Grian points at me obviously finding me annoying and says "oi L I think you've got a little fan there" then walked away. I dont think anyone should be judged entirely from one anecdote but yeah that was our only interaction, which I felt was undeserved, so that was my grudge for a while. he didn't know me but he managed to hit a sore spot. it's more to do with my old friends than Grian really, his comment referring to me as a "fan" because my friend was deciding to blank me was just a little cherry on top of it all - but he just spoke the words of what my friends actions were saying. Grian is married/engaged (?) to a really nice and very beautiful girl I used to be friends with, I'm sure he's lovely to lots of other people. I was bitter about it tho but you have to move past what is obviously a mindless small slight. I was just obviously not someone anyone wanted to be around that night, even my boyfriend didn't act glad to see me. too many other interesting (meaning famous) people to talk to instead. weird I saw L at the pub last night he was the person who came up to say hi when I was drunk and fell of my stool

[annespooky]

7th November 2023

No travel today as I'm already in Newcastle, yeah!

Woke up to find a paper had been slipped under my door, just to let me know there'll be no hot water for 2 hours later on today, okay...

The fire alarm rang while I was putting my nail varnish but it was probably just a test as the cleaning people proceeded with their activities.

Arrived too early at the venue as I thought doors were at 7 so got a drink in the meantime. Too bad I wasn't hungry as the food looked great!

Had a slight moment of panic at doors when my Dice ticket didn't scan, the lady had no list and I couldn't find my confirmation email... Luckily, the man behind me had a spare so I could enter.

The venue itself was ill-shaped but a correct size. Once again I was quite on my own for the Ciel set but I met a photographer who was also in Leeds so we talked a bit and I took his Instagram so to check his photos later.

PBE were great as always but I was off as I was thinking about my brother's funeral which took place the day after so I struggled to sing and dance freely...

Had another little chat with Michele before my friend Grahame gave me a lift back to my hotel, sparing me 30 minutes climbing back the slopes!

8th November 2023

Another day off today, off to Edinburgh! Well, if I can... All trains as delayed due to a landslip on the route down in Yorkshire but they accept any ticket on the next train approaching so I hop in! Great idea as in the end, my original ticket arrived almost an hour late!

My legendary sense of orientation brought me to my hotel with some diversion and found out that I got half of my ticket fare refunded by LNER, yeah!

Got some food and miserably fell asleep in front of the telly...

9th November 2023

Went to the National Museum of Scotland in the morning after breakfast in a virtually empty room. Wow, really like it! There's a part on the story of the Scots people with Mary, Queen of Scots, which really interested me. Checked the Egypt part as well and other parts (discovered the fashion wing on my way out and wow!)

Went back to the hotel for another hotel room picnic and getting prepared for the gig. Found the venue without too much hassle contrary to last time PBE played Edinburgh. My friend Gillian arrived just after me and we queued on our own in the stairs.

Got in and oh, there's a barrier, boo! And what the hell, it's miles away from the stage! We were on our own again until Ciel came on stage. As always for gigs in Scotland, the vibes are great, although the man to my right to literally stuck to my arm (get the hell off me!). Some man got Michelle's setlist and asked me if I wanted it, given it was handwritten I took it! Aubs gave me Matt's and his to Gillian.

Got a lovely chat with Michelle and Tim and got them sign the setlist. Jorge had to rush to Glasgow so he wasn't there. Gillian got her setlist and CD signed and was quite happy. Went back to the hotel quite quickly, although I almost slipped on my way!

10th November 2023

Off to Glasgow today, less than an hour by train and managed to check in at the Ibis by the venue on the spot so I could rest a bit.

Went to the venue too early so came back to the hotel. When I went back later and had a long chat with a guy in a wheelchair who wouldn't let me alone...

We were let in while Ciel were still soundchecking so waited for them to finish to get to my usual spot. The venue is as crap as last time but the audience was as excellent (although my friend from the day before followed me and stuck to me again...). A lady recognised me from February too! Got another Ciel setlist because it was lying there and no-one seemed bothered to take it... Was pissed off as some lady loudly talked during Chelsea...

11th November 2023

Long journey today, 8 hours and 40 minutes by coach to Nottingham! Luckily no one sat next to me and I mostly slept or listened to music the whole lot. It felt like doing the tour backwards as we stopped at cities previously visited with a long stop at Leeds.

Got a free cookie in my room and watched a bit of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire which eating and getting prepared.

They opened the backdoor from inside before the outside door so almost didn't get my spot, but my friend Nigel knew the people who were already there, including an Informer who wanted a picture with me (WTF?).

I busted both my knees against the stage during Dr Pong but otherwise this was yet another fab gig! Talked about PSB with Tim, who told me that they were his fave band so gave him an account of all my adventures with them!

12th November 2023

Off to Sheffield today, Lucy's home town and where she and Matt have moved earlier this year so this is a kinda home town gig. Got a train ticket valid the whole day so not in a hurry and I reach Sheffield station a few minutes past 1pm. It's pissing down and I'm struggling to find my Premier Inn but made it! (Well, I slightly damaged the handle of my suitcase when it fell while I was crossing a road by it's still okay). Got a room immediately without having to pay extra, yeah!

Given my hotel is by a roundabout, it takes me about 10 minutes (still under the rain), to find the right way to the venue (last time I was there was 8 years ago for PSB and I was staying at the Ibis), so that's 25 minutes later that I reach the venue and oh, it's closed because it's Sunday after 6pm! After waiting under the rain for about half an hour, someone puts me out of my misery so I'm queuing inside.

This is actually not the same venue I've seen PSB, I didn't know there were actually two rooms here! There is a barrier by its middle is replaced by a huge box where I lay my stuff.

There is a second support band tonight, called City Parking, from Sheffield too. They were a bit different in the way that the singer delivers more spoken words than singing, but they were very enjoyable.

Ciel have slightly changed their set tonight, switching Somebody with Far Away, which was great to hear. Jorge has a stroll on the box in front of me during their set.

PBE did another great and powerful set. After the gig, I thanked Michelle for playing Far Away, she replied that they wanted to change their set a bit so that I don't have to listen to the same set every night. Had another surrealist and weird chat with Aubs and when I was feeling the security was kicking us out, I was on my way. While saying bye to Matt, I reminded him that tomorrow is my 50th PBE gig, then Lucy introduced me to her sister Jessica and asked how many times I've seen them so she got a reminder too!

While putting my coat back in the lobby, her mother introduced herself to me, fully knowing who I am (hmm, feels like déjà vu with the PSB parents lol) and managed to get back to the hotel in 15 minutes (there is a tunnel underneath the bloody roundabout!).

13th November 2023

Taking two coaches today and the first one is slightly delayed... But got the second one without any problem, changing at Birmingham, where I'll be back the next day.

I have to walk half an hour to reach the venue, where I ask at the bar where the exact entrance is, it is actually outside so I go there and of course it's starting to rain! The band goes out for dinner and Matt doesn't like me queueing in the rain so checks with the security, who tell me to queue where it's covered, and they know I'm the first one anyway. Obviously, the rain stops and I'm back in the queue.

I leave my stuff with Doug at the merch as there's a barrier and I don't want to step on it while I'm dancing and jumping.

Ciel keep Far Away in their set tonight :) and Matt looks at me while singing More then at the end of the song proceeds with telling everyone that this is my 50th PBE gig and they have a gift for me! What?! Aubs hands me a bottle of prosecco and I didn't get that I had to wear the tinsel (sorry Lucy!), oh and there's a card too! I have absolutely no reminiscence of Heating's On afterwards as I was so stunned! (I'm used to PSB's discretion where they give me stuff after gigs). Matt hands me his setlist after the gig :D and I walk back to the hotel with the bottle, which I will chug for the rest of the tour back home!

14th November 2023

Day off today. Just a coach to go to Birmingham, where the gig is tomorrow. Managed to check-in earlier so got plenty of time to do some more laundry before meeting my friend Sarah for drinks and dinner.

15th November 2023

The gig is in a pub in the suburbs of Birmingham, which I reach after about 20 minutes by bus. Bumped into Doug inside the pub so had a drink with him until I joined (I mean, started) the queue outside (there are three venues in this pub, PBE are playing Venue 1).

Got to my spot and bumped into so many friends there! They include two ladies I met at a wedding earlier this year, who came just because I was coming, luckily they loved both bands! Came back to Birmingham with my friend Paula, who I met 5 years ago in Margate for PSB!

16th November 2023

Biggest headline gig for PBE to date! At Village Underground in London. Got another coach and checked in at the local Hub by Premier Inn early afternoon. It's pissing down (again!).

Arrived far too early to queue but you never know with London. At the end, I knew most of the people in the queue, who ended up front row inside.

Ciel are once again very well welcomed. They went back to their original setlist since the day before.

Matt is clearly very happy (well, even happier than usual) and states that there are so many people from so many periods of their lives in the room. Aubs gives me Matt's setlist and afterwards, when Matt comes back on stage and see the setlist has gone, he looks at me and I show him I got him, he looks relieved, bless him!

At the end, I manage to grab one of Rough Trade bonus CD (which prevents me from buying a sixth copy of the album to get it), which includes a new song called Green Eyes and the Radio X session they did earlier this year.

I then bump into J. Willgoose, Esq. from PSB and we talked a bit. When I mention that I have no idea what to do if PSB and PBE are clashing next week for gigs/tours, he replies to follow my heart, which doesn't really help because my heart wants to see them both! Remembering what Tim told me in Nottingham, I ask J if he met him, he didn't. I therefore called him from the merch and introduce him to J. Sadly J missed Ciel and apologises for this. J goes backstage, I'm chucked outside by the security...

17th November 2023

Back to Victoria Coach Station to get the coach to Bristol, which is slightly delayed but the Premier Inn is just by the station so this is fine.

After checking-in, I go to Rough Trade to collect my order for the Smoke Fairies album, which is out today and stop by Tesco for another hotel room picnic.

Once again I'm first in the queue and I actually arrive while PBE are soundchecking! Bonus! Then Ciel proceed with another lengthy soundcheck. We enter and find out that two steps are placed in front of the stage, okay, I'll try not to fall! I meet more people seen at other PBE gigs and they joke that I'm becoming more famous than the band! (Mind you, I've been mentioned in two live reviews so far!).

Matt screws up the lyrics of Simmering and I shake my head, which makes him laugh, oops sorry! It really feels likea home town gig for them as this is the closest to Devon we will get on this tour. the "Pear Lady" gives Matt butter biscuits, which another lady opens at the beginning of Dr Pong (what the hell is going on lol). The singing on More was exceptional too!

I meet the Spanish couple who were by my side during the gig afterwards and they wonder how many setlist I have lol. I thought they were friends of Jorge from Ciel, but no they just came because their original planned gig has been cancelled and they managed to find tickets from the waiting list. I get my bonus CD signed and Lucy says that she's glad I got one. Then I talk with Tim, who thanks me for introducing him to J :)

On my way to the hotel, I bump into the Spaniards again! They ask me how come I speak English so well, as this is kind a private joke that French and Spanish people are bad at languages, so I give them my best French accent impression. "Oh you can fake it, clever!". Fun fact, they were staying in the room next to mine at the Premier Inn!

18th November 2023

Almost the end of the tour, boo!

Off to Manchester today so two coaches to take, changing in Birmingham (again!). It's pissing down (again!) when I reach the hotel. Just realised I didn't buy any thank you card for the band and as tomorrow is Sunday, I'd better buy it today, find one with balloons in Tesco, perfect!

I reach the venue and there are people queueing... Wait there are two gigs today, Callum Bowie downstairs and PBE upstairs, and even a private birthday party in the basement! We organise ourselves into two queues, which the security was impressed with!

Having already been here two years before to see Haiku Salut, I was glad to see this beautiful venue again. The gig was awesome and there is an actual video of the whole lot on You Tube!

I buy all the Ciel merch, that is the brand new double EP, the former EP on CD and a lovely tote bag. Aubs tells us of all the stuff they've forgotten in venues (including the bloody mixing desk, for Christ's sake) and we leave.

19th November 2023

Last date of the tour... First an early coach back to London where I take the train to Brighton before checking-in at the Premier Inn.

I write the card then cry the whole afternoon... Well, maybe this way I won't be crying during the gig this way?

No surprise, first in the queue again, under the rain again...

There's a barrier, an ugly one as Michelle and Tim told me the day before, but we're still pretty close to the stage! Well, I was almost in Michelle's face during the Ciel set!

Matt thanks Doug for manning the merch, and I thought he wouldn't talk about me because he did in Oxford, but no, he chose the moment I was crying my head off after Chelsea to thank me again for coming to all the shows, bless him (again!).

After the gig, I meet Tim's girlfriend, who thinks this was so sweet what I did for him, because apparently, he talked about it for hours afterwards, well I like to be kind with people and I guess would our positions be switched, I would also have appreciated it :)

Well, that's another wrap on another great PBE tour! Who knows where and when I'll be seeing them again! At least I'm seeing Ciel in February!

[teacherintransition]

Now? I’m Not Ready for This!

You can choose change, but internal change?

Baby, your mind does its own thing!

The best laid plans of mice and men …finish with cliche of your own choosing. Did you say, “work out fine if carefully planned out?” BUZZ! Not it. Did you say, “often ends in disaster?” Partial credit. Did you say, “have a life of their own?” SPOT ON! Even if the plans work out masterfully, it’s often the happenstance of luck when that happens. By all means, plan carefully, dot your “i’s” and cross your “t’s;” but hold on, it could be a bumpy ride. A new life with new directions apply their own consequences and results without checking with you first.

Endured and survived the pandemic? Yes, but truly lucky on that account. (Knock on wood) Full pension earned and retired? Yes, thank the Lloyd for working in one of the few careers that still offer pensions. Our world held together. My wife resigns from a job she held for thirty three years to travel nurse? Let’s be like Nike and “just do it!” All this wild and crazy guys stuff has worked out well for us, (knock on wood) but what do you do when the change comes from within and you didn’t see it coming? Blindsided. Kim’s third gig ends in early May and we head back to Nac until we leave for Italy in June. When we return in July, she will be on the lookout for gig #4.

Edit Image

You’re thinking, “ohhh,I get it; you’re tired of being away from your home!” Well …not really. In fact, the idea of spending an extended time at Tha Haem an Abode o Tha Rich Fowk isn’t too appealing. We like being in new places, we love our home too; but our time frame isn’t set for this disaffection so early. We have another year or two left traveling before we turn out the lights in Nacogdoches …our home since 1988. This happened gradually. When in Alexandria, we went home every other week. Three weeks overseas, then to Granbury until November. We went home ever four weeks or so while there. Since being in Round Rock, we’ve been home once. I was feeling restless the time we were home from November to January. What is going on here?

Didn’t expect this. I mean it’s kind of a good thing, my heart still has a spirit of adventure and all; but it’s also problematic. We don’t want to feel unhappy every three months, but I, more than the wife, have to maintain focus. What’s the risk? Whats the worry with all of the big changes we’ve made since August of 2020? We didn’t instigate this state of mind and patience is necessary. This is certainly true logistically, but we have to plan carefully. We both know that living out our lives in East Texas is not an option. Our boys are all over the state so nothing is tying us to the Piney woods. This situation presents us and possibly anyone making big life changes with areas of concern. Be patient, slow down, consider all options avoid being impulsive.

I was talking with a friend about this cautious course of action, and I had my own words thrown back at me …it’s ok, it didn’t hurt. My friend said, “aren’t you the live in the moment, throw caution to the wind fellow?” Who me? Yeah, I know it’s me. I’m so glad I’m not alone and have a partner to plan life with and there ya go. I’m not in this alone and we’ve pretty much been on the same page through all of this and that’s the way I’ll keep it. (Knock on wood) Yes, spontaneity is marvelous, but know as close as possible where you’ll land. No man is an island, I’ve got to consider everyone. I’ll advise that to my hearty readers as well. Our family has been so supportive of us, and Kim and I have supported each other’s choices. We haven’t messed up …yet! (Knock on wood) Robert DeNiro’s character in Heat lived by the philosophy, “don’t get attached to anything you aren’t willing to walk out on in thirty seconds if you feel the heat coming around the corner.”* That’s pretty extreme; the life we built and lived deserves more respect and attention. Stick to the schedule, don’t jump the gun, discuss with loved ones, be thankful and considerate of your loved ones and have confidence in your partnership. It’ll be ok.

I’m lucky to have really good friends back in Nacogdoches and I’m lucky to have made new friends on the road. We will work things out together… atta girl.

*Mann, Micheal; Heat; Warner Bros. Studios; 1995

[juanaloveskopi]

caffeine-versations #1:

this is very accurate and applicable for someone like me. reason is, I have few people in my life that has the same music taste like mine. I love being with them but when it comes to music, I am more interested on meeting new people with exquisite or much better music taste than I do + you can never really be alone at gigs!

I remember the first time I attended a gig alone was my 2nd month being an employee, just months after graduating from college and scared of being alone in a crowded room. still a baby from the reality and how this life works. it was a Franco gig at 19 East circa 2019, I worked as a Bank Teller so I went wearing my uniform, was a bit shy cause its skirt day and I stood there as they begin to perform. a guy approached me and hand me a bottle of smirnoff and guess what.. he’s alone, too! I enjoyed listening to his stories and never felt awkward the whole time. I was actually hesitant if I should get along with him because he’s a dude and I’m an overthinker but somehow, he’s the first human being who made me feel that going alone isn’t really that scary, that its not really bad stepping out on your comfort zone. wherever he is, I hope he’s doing well and I’m hoping I could see him again. I owe him a two bottles of smirnoff, though! he was a good friend to me at the moment. it was also the first time I saw Victor (Franco’s drummer) upfront, he was like 5 steps away from me. I wanted to approach him just like everyone does and take a photo with him but then I froze and I just watched him walk and leave the place. I think I died for a sec haha he’s a happy crush of mine since highschool lolol of course Islaw, Dave and Tyopolds are such a fine men with great talent, thankful for Franco’s music. jah love ❤️ (I wanna gatekeep them before and never told anyone of my classmates what’s their band name but yep, they deserve to be recognize by everyone)

I also went to a free concert of UDD at Starmall SJDM. I really wanted to go because I love them so much that I’m thinking if I should ink one of Tadhana’s lyrics on my back: “Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan.” I nearly cried when I heard Indak and Unti-unti live. Armi sounded so good and I got a very good spot that I could see each of them while performing. I feel like I’m the only one watching who knows the lyrics each of their songs while being dramatic af. the whole band was rushing to get off the stage after their performance, didn’t get to see Armi closely but even though my eyes aren’t 20/20 I know she’s pretty! I hope she knows I always get a 100 score on videoke whenever I sing “Oo.” yes, Ms. Armi should be proud! chariz. kidding aside, that was the first and last gig I saw them performing live. if you would ask me what’s my all-time favorite UDD song, it would always be “Anino,” the one that is not released on Spotify and uploaded by a fellow fan on YouTube (hope she wont delete it or else.. 🔪) and I believe that UDD released a studio version of Anino way back 2019 but I like the other one more. raw, and would cut your heart into pieces. I miss UDD, come back please? *sad twerking*

after that, it continued. sometimes I still go out with a friend, max of 3 + I don’t really like when someone would ask me to go to public toilet rooms with them while the band is performing, chz.

I hate missing out. going to gigs alone— one of the best thing I’ve done xx

[ Credits to @gigsandtours on IG ]

[jhpeg]

eddie munson is a bad influence

hopper!reader with established friendship and all that stuff. listen guys i’ll be real, i’ve never written a fic before but my head has been spinning with eddie ideas and i needed to let it out! maybe let me know if you want more? i am so weak for eddie being a stoner boyfriend. i hope you enjoy whatever this mess is! any feedback is appreciated i love you all sm and big thank you to vic for bullying encouraging me to write and post this

rating: m, i think? drug use, language and closeness and innuendos ya know so no minors up in this gig please?

word count: 3.3k (i need to shut the hell up)

//

“i want to smoke weed.”

the statement alone had made eddie do a spit take. he hadn’t heard that correctly, there was no way. not chief jim hoppers daughter, not his best friend of 12 years who had given him a power point lecture at the age of 14 about why smoking “the devils lettuce” would ultimately ruin his life.

wiping the liquid away from his chin with the back of his hand, eddie turned to look at her with narrowed eyes, “are you pranking me? are you wearing a wire?” he asked, tilting his head and looking at y/n curiously.

you had always done what you were told, not because you felt like you didn’t have any other choice, because there was nothing you feared more than disappointing the person that had made you the person you were. your father, chief jim hoppers pride and joy, his sweet angel that could never do any wrong. the statements he made about you were mostly true, you had perfect grades and attendance, never spoke back to anyone and went out of your way to make his life easier when the job was too much.

but the closer you got to graduation, the more you realised just how much you had missed out on. all the parties that you had missed, the experience of skipping class or even the feeling of getting any grade below an A.

the minute those thoughts had come, the answer was obvious. eddie. he had been in your life for as long as you could remember and even though he had taken a detour from your joint path when you both entered high school, the affection you held for him never wavered. there was no judgement that you held towards him for the.. activities he participated in, only concern that he would get caught and his third chance at graduating would be ripped away from him. eddie was always there to reassure you with a sweet kiss on the top of your head, talking into the soft waves of your hair “sweetheart, i know what i’m doing. i promise i will be back in a jiffy,” with that stupid big smile that made you melt every time before he would leave you in his van while he went to his business spot in the woods to complete whatever transaction was requested from him.

there was no where you felt more safe than eddie’s bedroom. it smelled like him, had his personality splattered over every inch of the room whether it be his favourite band posters on the wall, d&d notes scattered around his desk and his endless pile of band shirts creating an interesting carpet layout on the floor. what better place to try smoking for the first time?

eddie’s reaction to your question hadn’t been entirely surprising, considering the amount of times you had told him that he didn’t need to smoke, that he could find that feeling through other means. but that didn’t stop you from slanting your eyes and dropping your bottom lip into a pout as your arms crossed over your chest defensively. “you heard me, eds. i want to smoke weed. with you, preferably,” you mumbled, refusing to meet his eyes that you could feel searching for yours.

eddie shuffled closer to you on his bed, crossing his legs to mirror your position which made his knees brush up against yours. he looked at you intensely, waiting for you to continue and say what you really wanted. it was something eddie was always working on with you, getting you to speak your actual mind and not what you thought someone wanted to hear.

looking down in your lap at your fingers that wrung around each other anxiously, you sighed and gave in to his pleading eyes. “i.. i know i’ve spent our entire high school lives telling you it’s bad and all that stuff, but i feel..” you clenched your teeth, feeling like an idiot for getting so worked up over what felt like nothing. “i feel like i’ve missed out,” you continued quietly, “every week people are talking about the parties that they go to, how much they drank and what drugs they did and all that stuff. but i don’t want to go to parties, i want to do it here with you.” you cringed at your choice of words, cheeks flushing immediately as your head snapped up to look at eddie as you quickly corrected yourself, “i mean, i mean i want to smoke weed with you! not do IT with you!” you rushed out, catching his eyes to desperately figure out if he was understanding what you meant.

eddie was patient with y/n, knowing she struggled to make sense of the words in her brain when she was nervous. she had all the tells, right from when she had walked into his trailer that afternoon. she was avoiding his eyes, giving one word answers, asking him to repeat himself again because she had spaced out. he knew she would come out with it eventually and when she did, he almost squealed from pure excitement.

he grabbed her hands that were wound tight, pulling each finger away from another until both of their hands were pressed together and fingers laced. “y/n, sweetheart, you have nothing to worry about here. this is a safe space, you know that,” he said, following her gaze that was trying to land anywhere but his face. “look at me,” he stated, a bit firmer than he had intended to but it seemed to grab her attention. “believe me when i say you haven’t missed out on anything at those parties. it’s all loud music, sweaty hormonal jocks that grope anyone with tits,” he said, knowing that it would be everything y/n hated and more. “but if you are looking for the beautiful experience from our sweet mother nature and her plants, you’ve come to the right guy.” finishing his sentence with a wink, eddie all but jumped from the bed and made his way to the box he kept in the corner of his room with a checkered blanket covering it.

you hadn’t been able to get a single word out in response to eddie before he was running over to what you knew as his ‘secret stash of love’ as your best friend liked to refer to it. your nerves started to subside when eddie was back on his bed, sitting in the same position with his knees touching yours. the closeness was already enough to make a heat spread through your body, but the thought of soon smoking weed for the first time made the room feel ten times hotter than before.

“alright, princess. this is a whole new world you’re about to step in, you’re sure you want to do this?” he asked, keeping his eyes locked on y/n’s in search of any hesitation but she nodded quickly, reaching her hand out to pull the cover away from his stash box, revealing the contents you had never planned on seeing.

eddie was practically buzzing from excitement when y/n made the first move of removing the cover from his container that had a range of items from various sized baggies with different strain names scribbled onto them, multiple pairs of scissors for trimming and copious amounts of papers floating around the box. eddie would never admit it, but he was truly nervous for what was going to come next. the pressure was immense already when he was being someone’s smoke sherpa and when it was y/n sitting in front of him, her eyes wide with interest he was well and truly fucked. “alright sweets,” he began as he grabbed two plastic bags and the papers he wanted to use for y/n’s first smoke. “here we have two different weed strains, indica and sativa,” he pointed to each bag respectively as he explained the basics for what she would need to know. “i think since this is your first smoke, we’re going to go with a sativa. it’s great for easing anxiety and gives you that good head high i’ve been telling you about all these years,” he couldn’t help the fact that he was grinning wider by the minute, who could help him when he had y/n’s gorgeous eyes staring at him, her knees brushing against his every time she shifted which seemed to be more often as he started to cut up the bud on top of a worn out cassette case.

y/n watched intently and listened to eddie as if he was giving her instructions on how to save a life. you couldn’t take your eyes off him as he spoke, entranced by the way he talked about something he was truly passionate about. you always knew eddie was smart, he just wasn’t smart in the way that the world wanted him to be. he could list the strain effects from the top of his head and what papers would work best for her during her first smoke, it was a beautiful sight to see and an even more beautiful voice to listen to all day. once he had finished his weed strain 101 lesson, he started preparing the joint and you were immediately fixated on his hands, the way they moved so carefully and with such skill to get the perfect size buds, laying them in the paper and starting to roll it between his fingers. you felt like the air in the room was becoming less and less available, and when did it get so damn hot in here? you watched as eddie brought the joint up to his lips, poking his tongue out to glide the paper along and seal it.

“.. did you hear me?” eddie’s questioning tone and a tap on your knee brought you back to earth and you realised you had definitely just been staring at eddie’s tongue when he was finishing the roll, not hearing or seeing anything else in that moment. you blinked quickly, darting your gaze away from him as your brain raced to try and think of an excuse for not listening to him when there was no other noise in the room apart from the quiet hum of Judas Priest playing softly in the background, eddie knew you couldn’t always focus on two things at once if there was loud noise. “i- i’m sorry, i was just watching the way you rolled it so i can learn!” you replied, hoping eddie wouldn’t be able to pick up on anything being different with your behaviour.

it seemed to work as he nodded and flicked his lighter to give the joint his final seal of approval and he held it out in front of y/n with a ridiculous smile. “i was saying this paper is going to be the smoothest for your first time, it burns slowly and shouldn’t make you cough too much,” he explained, holding the complete joint between his fingers and holding it out to her.

you thought you were off the hook and could keep yourself composed enough to not draw any further attention to you with odd behaviour. eddie would just think you were nervous about smoking, and you definitely were but those nerves were so far back in line while thoughts about eddie’s lips and tongues pushed forward to the top, making that all you could think about. when he held out the joint to you, you lifted your hand to meet his and take the joint from him in the same way that he had held it between his fingers.

you felt the sharp cold of his rings when your hands met, but as soon as the feeling was there, it disappeared again as eddie grabbed the lighter that was on his lap. “one last time, you’re sure you want to do this? you’re not trying to impress me by turning bad?” he teased, but the question was serious. you nodded quickly in response but that wasn’t enough for eddie, he always made you use your words. “yes, eddie, i want to do this. now light it, please,” she said, leaning toward him to make him go faster and to hopefully deflect his teasing question.

eddie felt his mouth go dry when she leaned forward, the movement from her part had brought more closeness between them to the point where he could almost definitely smell her shampoo, but he could also see the slightest peek of her breasts that were held in place with a plain black bra under her loose t-shirt. “don’t rush me sweetheart, good things take time,” he said softly, bringing the lighter up to where the joint was resting between your lips, flicking his thumb to spark it. you had seen him do this before, it couldn’t be that hard, right?

wrong. as soon as you started to inhale around the joint, your lungs felt the burn almost instantly. you almost dropped the joint from your first cough but eddie was there, picking it from your fingers and placing it between his lips so he could grab the bottle of water he had near by. he opened it quickly, tossing the cap aside and holding it to your lips, “shit, babe, you didn’t have to take in that much,” he chuckled, holding your cheek as you grabbed the bottle and downed a few gulps to soothe your lungs. “fuck you,” you gasped out with a laugh when you had stopped coughing, taking in a deep breath and wiping the tears that had spilled from the corners of your eyes.

you saw eddie looking at you with utmost concern, waiting for you to catch your breath and let him know you were okay before he took his own hit from the joint. “now when did this turn from you smoking weed to fucking me?” he teased, earning himself a slap to the bicep. “eddie!” you scolded, narrowing your eyebrows at him before you snatched the joint from his hand. “my turn, i know how to do it now!” you stated confidently, straightening your back and taking a deep breath before you sucked the joint between your lips for a second time.

this hit was different, the burning wasn’t as intense and you didn’t feel like you wanted to cough up an organ. on the exhale you choked a couple of times, waving eddie away from you as he moved closer to try and help. “i’m okay, i’m good,” you assured him, your smile returning when you watched him take another hit, mesmerised completely by his lips, his fingers and the smoke that flowed so beautifully from his mouth on his exhale.

eddie felt so proud when y/n confidently took her second hit only seconds after she had almost coughed up a damn lung. he had always admired y/n from a distance, watched as she navigated day to day with what seemed like the most grace anyone could ever hold. all he wanted was to protect her from all the awful shit that he knew was out there, hold her against his chest and melt away from the rest of existence and tell her that it would all be okay, it would always be okay as long as he was around. he left his thoughts behind in favour of coming back to reality and watching the effects of the marijuana slowly take over her, it was beautiful to see her worries ease away and her head lull back to look at his ceiling.

“hey, eyes on me,” he said, bringing his hand to her chin until she lowered her gaze back to him. “let me try something,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper even though you were the only two people in the trailer. you nodded obediently, completely focussed and zoned into eddie from the feeling of his fingers on your chin. you watched curiously as eddie took another hit and you were about to tell him he had skipped your turn when he leaned closer until his nose was almost brushing yours.

you followed his lead without hesitation, your lips falling open ever so slightly which gave him enough room to slip his thumb between them and open your lips wider. your heart was about to beat out of your chest and you were sure eddie could hear it but there was no time to think about that as you felt the smoke coming from his mouth, slipping down your throat as you inhaled it. no coughing this time, it was smoother than you ever imagined smoke to be but there was no doubt that was because it came from eddie’s lips.

eddie smirked when he leaned back after y/n had exhaled, feeling satisfied with his mission. he had always waited for the perfect moment, ever since he was 14 and found that he wanted to punch any boy who dared to look at his princess, he had waited for a moment to tread the waters lightly and see if she reacted to him. now eddie was no scientist, but he concluded that there was definitely some kind of reaction from y/n when he had passed the smoke through his mouth into hers with barely an inch between them. “you did amazing, bubs,” he praised, watching carefully for her response.

you stared in bewilderment, feeling as though you were in a different world compared to just a few minutes ago. eddie’s lips had been closer to yours than ever before and the compliment he had given you with the nickname, your knees would have buckled if you were standing. you both continued to pass the joint between you for the next 10 minutes, eventually laying side by side on the mattress with minimal space between you, you could feel the heat radiating from eddie’s arms that were brushing against yours. “i feel like i’m laying on a marshmallow,” you hummed, watching eddie from the corner of your eye as he stubbed out the finished roach on the small wooden table next to his bed.

eddie chuckled, rolling back over and propping himself up on his elbow so he could hover over you slightly, scanning your features before landing on your eyes that were slightly red and very glazed over. “yeah? marshmallows are pretty soft,” he whispered, bringing his hand up that wasn’t supporting him to brush your hair back from your face. “did you enjoy it? everything you could have dreamed off and more?” he questioned, searching your eyes for any hint of regret. there was none to be found. you nodded once, a smile forming and your dimples creasing as your hand came up to rest on his shoulder. “i did enjoy it, i enjoyed you,” you said, your eyes darting between his big brown doe eyes and his soft lips.

eddie raised an eyebrow at your response, not missing your eyes going to your lips. “you’re so beautiful, princess. i’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he said, mainly reminding himself of the fact but it warmed your heart to hear him say things you had only dreamed of hearing. “i know you won’t, eds. you have always kept me safe,” you said softly, your fingertips playing with the ends of his soft hair around his shoulders. “can we cuddle? i’m tired now,” you whispered, looking up hopefully at eddie who had a shit eating grin on his face. “i knew you only wanted me for weed and cuddles,” he laughed, shaking his head as he moved to lay down next to you on his back which gave you room to tuck under his arm and rest your head on his chest. “thanks for getting me high, eddie. love you,” you mumbled, already starting to drift off with the sound of eddie’s heartbeat soothing you.

eddie smiled warmly, brushing your hair away from your eyes so he could still see you as you fell asleep within a few minutes. “first time stoners, they always do this.” he said to himself, shaking his head fondly as he closed his own eyes, simply enjoying the closeness that he had been aching for with y/n.

fin