#i wish i could just live alone so i could just

[gguk-n]

Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)

Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request

Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.

{Reader's POV}

The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.

I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.

I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.

{Lando's POV}

The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.

I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.

The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.

The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.

Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.

I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.

My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.

People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.

There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.

[shariasweet]

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚attention

p.sunghoon 𝒙 f.reader | this work of fiction contains smut ⟡ mdni.

wc ::: around 1.5k sharinote ::: nothing much ! im going to try and make a comeback :( i missed you guys :0 this is like pointless and ranty {1:plot 3:smut}

unbeknownst to him , you're feeling needy upon your boyfriend's return. sunghoon promises you his attention , however , when he can't make good on said promise in a 'timely' manner , you take matters into your own hands.

you gently tapped the heels of your feet against the ground. ‘hoon…’ you softly murmured glancing up to stare at your boyfriend. it was embarrassing — needy wasn't even the word to describe how you felt... more like desperate.

you were desperate for your boyfriends attention.

sunghoon had only returned home a couple of days ago , yet he was already working again. this time he sat in the corner of his bedroom , sleeves rolled up jotting down notes as you sat , idly sinking into his bed.

recently , his schedule had been crowded with so many shoots and promotions — yours on the other hand remained empty: you went to class , listening to far too many lectures before heading into work and coming home to your big , empty bed — wishing you could call your precious boyfriend to come over and snuggle you into the duvet.

that’s not all though. you’d wanted to call him oh so many times.

more than 60% of those time with your fingers pushed inside the warmth of your fluttering cunt as you fucked yourself to the thought of him.

‘sunghoon.’ this time you spoke a but louder , the gentle rocking of your feet came to a halt as you stood up waltzing towards his still busy figure. ‘baby , are you even hearing me?’

he stopped — sunghoon slowly tilted his head up , facing you. ‘what do you mean , sweetheart?’ genuine confusion painted his features as you let out a defeated sigh. ‘i… it’s nothing. s-sorry to interrupt. keep going.’ concern washed over him — noticing your solemn tone. ‘you sure , pretty girl?’ nodding , you cracked a sheepish smile , walking completely out of the room and into his living room.

what’d felt like hours had passed of you sitting alone , feet still gently rocking.

you’d wondered how many pages he’d wrote down now — how many melodies he’d listened to , or how long he’d been sitting there smoothly bouncing his knee as his eyes darted from the screen to his paper.

desperate… you’d reminded yourself. wrong as it felt , when he’d invited you over you were expecting more — more than a couple of hugs and soft kisses.

would it really hurt… if you silently dipped your fingers beneath the waist of your shorts and just ever so slightly touched yourself? not that he'd be doing that for you anytime soon.

just enough to get off until sunghoon frees up… it’s not like he’d be done soon. right?

wrong.

as soon as your fingers breached the barrier of your cotton panties , carefully running along your slit — your boyfriend’s footsteps approached. blissfully unaware , as he stood watching you from the living room’s entrance.

you continued , frantically gasping and pushing the tips of your fingers between the walls of your fluttering cunt. you were already sticky — left hot just by watching him work.

‘mpf! hoon…’ squirming , you whined. slowly you slid the full length of both your ring and middle fingers inside of yourself. ‘a-ah…’ a deep exhale rushed past your lips as you attempted to bite back your moans — fingers repeatedly curling further into your sticky , drooling heat. arousal pooled into the palm over your hand. you'd attempted to mimic sunghoon's scissoring motions with your fingers. however , it only resulted in your fingers sloppily thrusting between your gummy walls as you clenched around seemingly nothing.

not that holding back was any use... still in the doorway , stood your boyfriend. sunghoon’s pants seemed to shrink , suddenly suffocating the tent bulging from his pants as he repositioned . he groaned. ‘fuck.’

again , your small pathetic pleas poured into his ears: tiny please please pleases and more hoonie’s. he couldn't take it — listening to your cute cries only turned him on more.

‘are you having fun?’ he’d finally had enough. his cock straining against his briefs as he walked toward you. the condescending tone of his voice brought you to a halt , ripping your fingers from your pussy.

you tripped over your words ‘m… it’s not… n-no.’ desperately , you hid beneath a nearby blanket.

‘no…’ a smile spread across his face as he got closer and closer — swiftly snatching the blanket from your body exposing your naked lower half. ‘look at that , honey… you’re soaked — leaking all on my couch.’ sunghoon frowned. ‘m sorry hoon…’ shame crept over you as you tried covering your face.

‘aht aht… no need to do that now.’ you could feel the warmth of his hands wrapping around your wrists. ‘don’t hide , sweetheart… is there something you wanted to tell me?’

you glanced up at him — eyes glossed over as you batted your eyelashes at the man before you. ‘n-no…’ you squirmed — his hold on your wrists was firm as you felt another one creeping up your side. ‘no? so you didn’t want my attention? ‘s why you’re touching yourself in my living room? calling out my name like you're in heat , sweet girl.’ sunghoon mockingly cooed , his face now hovering above you own as his breath fanned against your skin.

‘should I leave you then and let you continue..? not help you out?’ shit. you’d been caught. however , you'd be lying if you said you didn't want any of this. both of you knew your fingers couldn't compare to anything sunghoon could do. 'no!' the word rushed past your lips. 'no... hoonie 'want you to help me. please...' you were so frustrated that tears breached your eyes. 'aw , my special girl.' his hand flew to strongly grip your jaw. 'did you miss me?'

you nodded. 'i bet , huh?' he began to trail kisses down your face — kissing away your tears before his lips reached your jaw. sunghoon hungrily left a trail of ravishing kisses from your jaw to your neck to your collar-bones. as he reached the top of your shirt , before you could blink it was being yanked over your head. 'mmm...' you hummed , as he continued kissing down your breasts and trailing down your stomach. 'were you good while i was away? did you touch yourself f'me , baby?'

quickly , you nodded again. sunghoon's rich laughter suffocated you as he continued pressing meaningful kisses along your thighs. 'good girl.' he dove into your cunt , nose rutting into your clit as he split you open on his tongue. almost instantly , your fingers became tangled in his dark locks.

whilst you mewed and tugged at his scalp , he made out with your cunt… his soft lips were searing against your skin — fingers digging into your flesh as he held your thighs apart. ‘mh! hoon!’ you let put a squeal as he folded you in half… tongue still greedily lapping up your arousal as he tongue-fucked your leaky cunt. it plunged between your fluttering walls made you shiver , back arching into his embrace.

‘feel good? ‘got all my attention , my sweet girl.’ he hummed sweetly. the vibration sent a wave of shock and pleasure coursing through you body as you let more whining pleas rush from your throat. sunghoon’s lips came up to gently suction your clit as he allowed two fingers to slip inside of you. they dug deeper and deeper within you , searching for that sweet spot buried between your legs in a scissoring motion (much like you had earlier tried to replicate).

as the tips of his fingers kiss said spot you can feel waves of satisfaction crashing over you — the knot in your stomach finally snapping , untying itself. ‘s-shit…’ you squirmed, watching as sunghoon got up.

his chin drenched with slick as he took deep breaths — a smile dancing along his lips. ‘c’mere , sweetheart…’ his hand slid behind your head , you could feel the warmth radiating from his sticky palm as he cupped your cheek. ‘ahhh…’ he teased.

sunghoon lowered a sloppy open mouth kiss onto your lips. the both of your mouths molded against one another. it was a passionate , meaningful kiss that left you chasing his lips as he pulled away. ‘more… fuck , baby… please i want more.’ your arms tightened around his neck — still chasing the sweet tang of yourself left on his lips.

‘relax , y/n. i’ll give you more.’ peck. ‘s’much as you want , yeah?’ one of his hands grabbed your own. slowly he directed your hand down his body — his collarbones , chest , and toned stomach. finally you stopped… feeling something hard beneath your touch. ‘feel that? that’s how fucking hard i am — how hard you got me…’ you tuck your lip between your teeth , eagerly nodding along. ‘feel it…’ you agree. ‘want you so bad… i missed you s-so much while you were gone , hoon. I just wan’ to feel you.’

‘good , baby.’ he cooed , tucking your hair. ‘cause i was planning on letting you.’ he carefully lies you back down before yanking his pants down — cock heavy as it stands against him.

your eyes grow large , watching as you generously strokes himself a few times. pump after pump. the precum adorning his tip drips down the base of his shaft — making it slippery and wet. ‘ready?’ sunghoon grabs your waist — shuffling you closer towards him as he lifts your hips. ‘…yeah.’ with your mouth watering you reply. you nervously await to feel him bottom out inside of you.

he aligns himself with your entrance before slowly pushing his head in. ‘fuck! s’tight as ever , pretty…’ both his hands come to snake around your waist. ‘ohmygodohmygod! hoonie , baby , pleaseee…’ he slams his hips into your own , fulling sinking the length of his thick cock inside of you.

you can feel him throbbing inside of you — your walls clenching and fluttering as he gives you time to adjust. ‘awnnn!’ you whine out , feeling as he slowly drags himself inside of you before roughly ramming back inside.

‘missed your precious little cunt!’ his balls slap against your ass as he continues to fuck into you. ‘s-such a sweet pussy , r-right? y-you’re mine?’

sunghoon felt himself becoming lost — pussy-drunk as he continued to mindlessly babble. ‘yours!!!’ he threw his head back and his hands firmly pawed at your sides — bruising your waist. ‘fuck! agh… s-sunghoon!’ you reached out for him with your nails clawing into his back — only causing him to fuck you harder. you could practically feel that leaky-mushroom tip kissing your cervix.

he bucked into you at a wild , and relentless pace.

‘aw shit… damnit , im ‘gonna cum..!’ he cried. ‘want it inside? stuff you full of me… that way you wont ever miss me again. how ‘bout that baby..? always be full of my cum so im always with you.’

sunghoon laughed watching as you desperately hic-upped. ‘yes! yes! please… ah! cum inside , i’ve been so p-pati… ungh!’ and just like that your boyfriend was pulling yet , another , orgasm from you. the two of you shuddered as he rode out his high. you could feel his cock draining inside of you — once heavy , thick ropes of salty cum painting your walls.

with one final thrust , he pulled out. he watched in awe as your cunt twitched — sticky hot liquid dripped out. ‘ah , ah!’ you hitched as sunghoon took his fingers , pushing his cum back inside of you.

‘always with you.’ he chuckled once more , placing a kiss on your temple before carrying you into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

{additional note!} i dont actually do a wc so i dont know how long this is! hopefully its not too rambly hehe :3

[dumblilb]

I Could Be Enough

Vi x Fem!Reader

(Synopsis: They weren’t super close as children, but running around in the same crowd kept them in the know of each other. But years later she might be all Vi’s got left.)

(Warnings: drunk!vi, alcohol, mentions of physical violence ‘ not towards reader’, it’s mostly fluff, a little bit of angst, no mentions of physical attributes, just she/her pronouns, not proof read)

(Requested: yes)

(Words: 1,585)

* ・゚☆ 。・ * ・゚★ 。・ * ・゚☆ * ・゚☆ 。

You don’t even know how it got to this point. Sitting at the booth in a gross, sticky, and dark club, watching over a girl you didn’t think you would ever see again. And maybe you were right. Cause she’s not the same girl you remember running around the streets of the under city as a child. The one who always had a bright look in her eyes as she tried so hard to live up to her father’s name, and keep her siblings safe.

But one thing was the same behind those, now dark and sad, slate grey eyes. She was a fighter. In the most literal sense. She couldn’t keep her fist off a jaw if she tried. Night after night she would cover her distinct tattoos and red hair with dark paint. Disguising herself from the public who claimed her strength as a prize. Or maybe even hiding from herself. She wasn’t to sure anymore.

But as the nights carried on the paint got messier and the drinks were getting stronger. And it was hard to watch. But here you were. Watching. So hard you thought your eyes might bleed from all the strobing lights and smoke filling the air. Any other night you might have gone to bed. Ignored the aching feeling you had, and left her to party the rest of the night away. But you couldn’t. Because there she was also watching you. As she sloppily got up with a bottle in her hand and started to walk towards the exit, the urge to follow consumed you. Because you knew she wanted you too. She was practically begging. And so you did. Meeting her by the stairs leading to her small apartment.

“Thank god you came, I thought I was gonna have to drink all alone tonight.” She slurred and you sighed resting your hip against the wall, propping yourself up.

“What would you do without me.” You smiled at her. Trying not to be angry with how fucked up she sounds. Slyly taking the bottle from her and helping her steady by the waist you walk her home.

“You know you’re so pretty when you’re mad at me.” She sighs as you push her door open. You just roll your eyes. She’s been doing this for months. Ever since her first pit match. You were hired as a sort of nurse for the ring. Patching up the people who were getting their shit rocked, and the people doing the punching. Making sure they were healed enough for their next match. And the second you saw her step in that ring you knew it was her. Sure she looked a little different. But her deep upper cut. You could never forget that.

So you causally brought up growing up in the lanes while bandaging her fists that day. How you were pretty shy but always friendly with a boy named Ekko. And he had introduced you to his friends a few times. You could tell she remembered you. But she didn’t say anything. Which was okay. You could tell she didn’t really want to be known at that point. But as time went on she spent more time talking to you after matches. Sitting at the bar just trying to figure out how life got both of you here.

But she also found alcohol along the way. And that concerned you. She would always assure you she was fine. And you chose to believe her. Even though it sometimes seemed she would look right through you. Like she wished something else was there.

But even before the alcohol, the casual flirting was always there. Comments about how attractive you looked and how nice you were to her compared to the other fighters. Claiming you made her feel ‘so special’ and not just because it was coming from a beautiful girl like you.

So as you sit her down on her small bed and pull out some supplies to remove her makeup you can’t help but shake your head at her.

“Your dumb fake flirting isn’t going to get you out of this one vi. You’re a mess.” You sigh pushing her hair back with one hand, removing her makeup with the other.

“It’s not fake and you know it.” She rolls her eyes. “I want you. Please.” She says griping the hand with the cloth in it. Rubbing her thumb across your knuckles softly. The difference between her ruff scared hands and yours now glaringly apparent.

“You’re drunk and exhausted, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a bit of a concussion after today’s match. I haven’t seen you get hit that hard in a while.” You say ignoring her advances. As you’ve done before.

“I’m fine. You know I’m fine.” She reassures you. But the wavering of her eyes says otherwise.

“I know you think you’re fine-“ you remove your hand from hers and finish wiping her face. “But I see you, Vi. And this isn’t fine.” You say pointing from the bottle resting on her little table to her bruised fists.

She groans tossing her head back. And you gear up ready for a fight about how you don’t know what you’re talking about. But she rubs her eyes a little, her breath slowly becoming unsteady.

“You’re right I’m sorry.” She breathes out looking at you. The small bit of light roaming the room makes the wateriness of her eyes sparkle. “God I’m so tired and I don’t know what to do.” She cries.

You don’t even know how to respond. She’s never really cried in front of you before. She’s always been so tuff. But as she sits before you, even her toned and muscular body couldn’t make her look strong.

“I’m so lonely. All I have at this point is you. And you don’t even want me.” She continues and your face softens. Kneeling down in front of her you softly stroke her hair, pulling her in for a hug. She cautiously wraps her arms around you. Like just her touch might scare you away.

“You have me. You do. I think you have for a while now. I just didn’t think you were serious.” You reassure her. Her head nuzzles into the crook of your neck, and you can hear her breathing steady slightly.

“I’m always serious about you.” She says softly, it being a bit muffled by her position. She pulls away from the hug, resting her forehead to yours. “Can you stay please. I don’t want to be alone.” She asks quietly. Her warm breath hitting your lips.

“I’ll stay.” You grin and she moves to get up and grab a blanket. You help get her ready to lay down, removing her thick boots and setting aside the dirty cloth.

She props the blanket in your lap and she lays down. At first you just smile at how dainty she looks compared to how you usually see her. But her strong arm pulling you down next to her snaps you out of it pretty quickly.

Pulling the blanket over you both, you run your fingers through her hair. Analyzing her face one feature at a time. Her eyes seem a little more blue in this lighting. And you can finally see the small freckles adorning her skin.

“Are you trying to seduce me.” She asks with a soft laugh. “Cause it’s working.”

“Don’t get any funny ideas. That’s not happening. At least not tonight.” You say and you could have sworn her cheeks got a little pink.

“Well then you’ve got to stop staring at me like that… At least not tonight.” She jokes rolling over. Making you smile.

With her back to you, you place an arm around her waist holding her firm. You could feel her body stiffen and you try to remove your arm but she stops you. “No wait. This is good.” She whispers. “This is good.” And she holds your arm tight to her. Rubbing circles across it with her fingers. Her whole body relaxes against yours and you smile against her neck.

“You know I’m not that same girl anymore.” She sighs a little out of no where. But you get it, she’s trying to give you an out. A chance to run. You hum in response. “I’m different I think. I’m not as strong as I used to be.” She continues and you know she’s not talking about muscle, or brawn. She used to be a leader. Someone people looked up to. And now… most people didn’t even know her real name.

“That might be true. But that’s okay.” You say pressing a soft kiss to the base of her neck. “You’ve been through a lot. I think you’re holding on to a girl who didn’t know what life was yet. And you’re grown up. It’s normal to not be the same. Or feel the same.” You continue and she turns to face you. Caressing your cheek softly.

“I think maybe I can be okay. With you.” She muses. Placing a light kiss to your lips. Making you smile.

“Good cause I’m not going anywhere.”

You don’t know if tomorrow she would go back to drinking. Or if she would get her ass kicked in the pit. But tonight she was safe. And she was with you. And as she fell asleep to your heart beating against her, you couldn’t help but hope it could stay this way. Cause for you. This was enough.

[littlefireball]

ʜᴊ|ꜱᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ (ᴍ)

ᴘɪʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴀɪɴ ʜᴏɴɢᴊᴏᴏɴɢ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ꜰᴋ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴍᴜᴛ|ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴋɪᴅɴᴀᴘᴘɪɴɢ, ʀᴏʙʙᴇʀʏ|ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx|ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅ ꜱᴇx|ꜱʟɪɢʜᴛ ʙʀᴇᴀꜱᴛ ᴘʟᴀʏ|ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ|ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ(?)|ᴄᴏɴꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 3.9ᴋ

Summary: The tranquil existence was shattered today by the merciless pirates. You surrendered to the overwhelming tide of despair, letting it engulf you. Yet, in that moment of darkness, a figure emerged to rescue you. But is this hero a beacon of hope or a harbinger of doom?

The golden rays of the morning sun filter through the window, warming your face as you rise. Just like every other day, you gather your belongings and step outside, exchanging friendly greetings with the neighbors before unlocking the door to the café right on schedule.

All is as it should be.

"Good morning, Y/N!" called out a familiar voice. It was a middle-aged man, a loyal customer who always ordered the same sandwich without fail.

"Morning!" you replied, already moving with practiced ease to prepare his breakfast.

"How're you doing?" 

"Fine I guess." 

"It's good to hear." He sighed. "Did you hear the news? Pirates have been causing quite a stir lately.

"Yeah… all we can do is hope they steer clear of our town."

"Let's hope so." He smirked helplessly. "Maybe I should just pack up and find a new place."

"Pack up? Where?"

"I'm not sure, just anywhere that feels safe." He shrugged. "What about you? Aren't you thinking of moving?"

"I wish I could. But, you know… my funds are pretty tight."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Here's your sandwich."

"Thanks." He settled the bill and walked out, leaving you alone in the café.

Just as you turned around to tidy up the table, a loud shock caught you off guard. 

"Run!!" The once tranquil town erupted into chaos, and you peered out the window, heart racing with dread. Tons of men wielding a machete swung their weapons menacingly, demanding that the terrified residents surrender their belongings. The air was filled with desperate cries and frantic screams as people scattered in every direction. 

Without a moment's hesitation, you dashed to the door, but just as you reached for the lock, a group of men burst in, kicking the door wide open. You stumbled to the floor, mortified, and before you could regain your footing to fight back, one of the men seized you roughly.

"Let go of me, you scoundrel!" you shouted, thrashing against his grip, but the pirate's hand clamped down on your wrist like a vice.  

"Shut your mouth, you wench!" he barked. The ship rocked violently beneath you as you were dragged onto the deck, your struggles futile against the chains that bound you. The laughter of the pirates echoed around you as they shoved you aside. Helpless, you watched in horror as the small shop you had poured your heart into was ransacked, the townsfolk fleeing in terror, and the once vibrant community fell into an eerie stillness.

"Hey, see this baby girl~how cute you are!" " "Leave me alone, you filthy scum!" Your voice quivered with a mix of fear and defiance as you glared at the pirate who had captured you. 

One of them, should be the captain, a cruel smirk playing on his lips, approached you with a lecherous gleam in his eyes. "A feisty one, aren't you? We'll see how long that lasts," he sneered, his breath reeking of rum and malice. "Set sail!"  

As the boat glides farther into the distance, the town gradually fades from view. The lively chatter of vendors hawking their wares in the bustling market is replaced by the lingering echoes of laughter that grate on your nerves.The salty sea air stung your eyes as you struggled against the chains that bound you to the wooden post. 

Tsk…

The crashing waves echoed around you, a constant reminder of your precarious situation. 

Frantic escape ideas raced through your mind. Yet, you were a land dweller, and diving into the ocean means dying. What options do you have? Can you really call out for someone to rescue you? Here you are, in the heart of the sea—who could—

"Turn left!!!!!It's ATEEZ's ship!!" A loud cry jolted you from your thoughts. Just as you were about to grasp the situation, everything unfolded before your eyes. A deafening roar erupted from the left side of the ship, causing it to lurch violently and sending terror through the crew. The sturdy vessel splintered, hurling pirates overboard, and you tumbled into the frigid sea.

The icy water enveloped you, and you fought to break the surface, but the ocean constricted your breath and drained your strength. As despair set in, you surrendered to the darkness. Just then, strong arms seized you, pulling you upward. Your vision blurred, obscuring your savior's identity, and consciousness slipped away.

—---

Coughing violently, you expelled the salty seawater that had filled your mouth. Your breaths came in rapid gasps, a primal instinct driving you to inhale as if the very air might slip away. As clarity returned, you realized that you were still aboard the vessel... but the faces of the crew surrounding you seemed unfamiliar.

"Are you awake?" A gentle voice broke through the haze, and you turned to see a man clad in a flowing white robe, his expression warm and reassuring.  

"Where... am I?" you managed to whisper, your voice barely above a breath.  

"A ship, obviously," Yunho replied. "You fell into the sea and Jongho saved you." 

The vivid image of the recent attack flickered on the screen, and a wave of dread washed over you as you gazed at the man standing before you. ATEEZ, you recalled, infamous for their ruthless piracy. What would they do? Would they end your life? But then again, why would they bother to rescue you?

"It's perfectly normal to feel a bit disoriented right now. It's a common reaction after being submerged in water..." The man's voice, surprisingly calm, began to ease the tension in your chest. Perhaps they weren't as terrifying as the tales suggested? Still, you knew better than to let your guard down.

"Is she alright?" At that moment, Hongjoong gently knocked and opened the door. His striking features made your heart race. Despite your reluctance to admit it, he was undeniably handsome, far from the "demon" the stories painted him to be.

"Yah, she is just a bit frightened," Yunho said as he rose to his feet, and Hongjoong nodded, his gaze remained fixed on you.

"What's your name, lady?"

"Y/N..."

"I'm Hongjoong, the captain. This is Yunho, our doctor." You nodded as he continued, "I'm sorry for your fall into the sea. It was indeed our attack that caused the ship you were on to sink."

"No... I owe you my gratitude. You were the ones who saved me."

He shrugged with a warm smile. "Just take some time to rest, and we'll arrange for you to be taken to the nearest town."

You nodded, and they stepped out, leaving you to gather your thoughts. You stumbled out of bed, your feet heavy as you made your way to the door, only to be met with the murmur of several men outside.

You stumbled out of bed, your feet heavy as you made your way to the door, only to be met with the murmur of several men outside.

"What is the captain thinking? Bringing a woman aboard?"

"Exactly! This is bound to bring us misfortune!"

"Or maybe he plans to trade her? She's not too shabby, after all..."

"But I heard she's being sent to other towns."

"Is it really that straightforward?"

You clamped a hand over your mouth, panic rising within you, tears welling in your eyes as your heart raced. They were clearly not good men. But what could you do? Escape? That was out of the question. How could you prove to them that you wouldn't bring them bad luck? It was easy to say, but how could you actually do it? Just as your mind spiraled into chaos, loud voices broke through your thoughts.

"Why are we having abura soba again?" Hongjoong grumbled.

"Because they're delicious," Yunho replied.

"That's excessive, don't you think?" Hongjoong shot back. "I eat abura soba five days a week!"

"Is that a problem? The crew loves it," Wooyoung chimed in as he knocked on your door. When you opened it, he stood there with a steaming bowl of noodles.

"Hey there, Y/N, right? Here, if you don't mind, I made this for you," Wooyoung said, placing the bowl on your table. "I'm Wooyoung, by the way."

"Thank you," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. Though you were wary of possible poison, your hunger overpowered your caution. You took a bite, and to your surprise, it was delicious. Before long, the bowl was empty, and you watched as the others busied themselves with cleaning up.

"Hey, Y/N," Wooyoung approached you, balancing several bowls in his hands. "Are you done? You can hand the bowl back to me."

"Oh, it's fine. Let me help you. You look a bit worn out."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." You joined him in gathering bowls and chopsticks, following him to the kitchen. As you walked, you took in your surroundings, contemplating your next move... perhaps earning their trust was the best strategy for survival, at least for now.

As you stepped into the kitchen, you noticed Hongjoong frantically working on something, clearly in a rush.

"Hey, hyung. Just try not to shatter the bowl again," Wooyoung remarked, already scrubbing the dishes.

"I won't," Hongjoong replied, but his next words nearly sent the bowl tumbling.

"Um… are you going to lend him a hand?" you whispered to Wooyoung.

"Nope. I'm bust. Maybe you should go see what he's up to."  

With that, you approached Hongjoong cautiously. This could be a perfect chance to earn his trust.

"Hongjoong?"

"Yah?"

"Do you need any help?" You glanced at the mess on the table, where he was clumsily beating eggs.

"No, I'm good. Oh no!"

You quickly caught the bowls and chopsticks as they teetered, relieved they didn't break.

"Hmm… if you're okay with it, I could cook something up for you."

"Really?"

"I actually work as a cook."

"Ah, so you're just like Wooyoung."

"I guess so. What do you feel like eating?"

"Just not abura soba, please." You grinned and nodded. "And I'm not a fan of vegetables."

"Got it."

You set to work with the ingredients spread out on the table, whipping up the dishes you know best while ensuring the table remains neat. Before long, your masterpiece was complete. You entered the dining hall, cradling a bowl of fragrant soup. Hongjoong stood tall, his eyes widening at the sight of you.

"Oh wow! That smells so good!" he exclaimed, quickly blowing on the noodles before digging in. "This is absolutely delicious!" A sense of pride swelled within you as you witnessed his joy, a reminder of why you chose the culinary path.

"Perhaps you should be my personal chef," he joked, a playful smirk on his lips. You smile back, taking his words lightly, fully aware that you won't be staying long here. 

Hongjoong seemed to relax a bit, his shoulders dropping slightly as he savored each bite, his eyes closed in blissful contentment.

"I can't believe I've never had anything like this before," he said, opening his eyes to meet yours with a newfound appreciation. "You really are talented."

You blushed slightly, grateful for the compliment. "Thank you, Hongjoong. It's just something I enjoy doing."

As you sat down across from him, Wooyoung wandered in, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Hey, what's going on here? Did I miss the party?"

"Just having a nice meal," Hongjoong replied, gesturing to the now half-empty bowl in front of him.

Wooyoung's expression softened, a hint of surprise crossing his face. "Can I have a taste?"

"Nope. That's mine." 

Hongjoong immediately finished them all, not letting Wooyoung eat. 

"Yah!Hyung!" "Who told you not to help me?" 

You chuckled, watching them quarreling playfully. It appeared that this was part of their everyday life. From this viewpoint, they were completely disconnected from any notion of evil. 

In the days that followed, it felt as if you had stepped into the role of Hongjoong's personal chef. Initially, he continued to enjoy Wooyoung's meals, but he would occasionally drop hints that your cooking was just as delightful. Eventually, you took the plunge and prepared a dish just for him, hoping to win his trust. The joy on his face was infectious; he began to request your cook regularly, and soon, even some of the crew members were intrigued by your skills. 

Cooking for them brought you immense joy, as their satisfaction filled you with happiness. Over time, your initial apprehension faded, and the thought of leaving began to slip from your mind. The idea of visiting the nearby town seemed to vanish. Yet, in recent days, Hongjoong's demeanor shifted, making you reconsider your plans.

Did you do something to upset him? How could you make up for him? You worried about whether you would be killed for this? No. What you were concerned about was what if Hongjoong didn't like you?

He had grown somewhat distant, his warmth replaced by a chill that left you unsettled. This was especially evident when you were in the kitchen with Wooyoung; his coldness bordered on anger. Today was no different.

"Are you alright, Y/N? You look a bit pale," Wooyoung asked, concern etched on his face.

"Just feeling a little under the weather..." you replied with a bittersweet smile, though the cramping in your abdomen made it hard to stand. You suspected the long days at sea and the cold had taken a toll on your body. "Hiss..."

"Maybe you should take a break?" "But I want to make some food for Hongjoong…" You winced, wanting to refuse and continue helping in the kitchen, but the pain rendered your limbs weak, making cooking impossible.

"Nah. You should go back to your room." 

"But what if he didn't like me?" 

"Huh?"

"I mean…he may hate me if I don't cook for him." 

"He wouldn't think so.

"But…"

"No. Just go take a rest, okay? I can handle." Wooyoung stopped you. "Can you walk?"

"I think so?" In reality, each step felt like a monumental challenge.  

"Let me help you." Wooyoung took your hand and supported your shoulders, a moment that caught Hongjoong's eye.

"What are you doing?" he approached, anger flashing in his eyes, but as he noticed the pain etched on your face, his expression shifted. "What's wrong? Are you okay, Y/N?"

"She's sick." Wooyoung said. 

"I'm not asking you." 

Wooyoung rolled his eyes playfully, knowing Hongjoong was jealous. 

"So now I will send her to her room." 

"No." Hongjoong pulled you to his arms carefully. "I will send her and you cook." 

"Okay, okay." 

—----

"Do you need any medicine?" Hongjoong inquired as he gently laid you down on the bed. "Or should I call Yunho for assistance?"

"Actually..." you winced, the pain making your words slow. "It's just period cramps."

"Oh... umm... would something warm help? Maybe hot water?"

You nodded, and he quickly dashed out to fetch a cup of steaming water.

"Here, be careful." He supported your back as you sat up, handing you the warm cup.

"Thank you." You took a sip, feeling the soothing warmth spread through you. It wasn't just the hot water; it was Hongjoong's tender care that made your heart flutter. You couldn't deny the twinge of sadness when he seemed distant. You longed for his smile and the sweet words he used to share. Unbeknownst to you, your feelings for him were already blossoming.

"Do you need more?" As you lifted your gaze, you noticed how close he was, causing a blush to creep onto your cheeks. "No, it's okay."

Hongjoong smiled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he noticed your embarrassment. "Alright, but let me know if you need anything else. I'm here for you." 

"Thank you," you replied with a nod. "But Wooyoung really needs to step up; he's in charge of everyone's lunch."

Hongjoong feigned a cough as he plopped down beside you, irritation evident in his voice. "It's no big deal; he's used to it. You shouldn't worry about him." You stifled a laugh—wasn't he just a tad envious?

"Nope. Everyone seems to be eating a lot more these days," you teased, enjoying the playful banter as his jealousy was unmistakable.

"Why are you so concerned about him? Do you have a crush on him?" His question took you by surprise, and it seemed to catch him off guard too. "Ugh, forget it."

"Does it bother you who I like?" You asked. His cheeks flushed a deep red, and he quickly averted his gaze.

"No, it's not that," Hongjoong stammered, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape route. "It's just…I didn't expect you to be interested in him. He's always been so…carefree and unpredictable." 

I once had a crush, but it wasn't on Wooyoung. A soft chuckle escaped your lips as a warm sensation blossomed in your chest. After inhaling deeply, you were prepared to share your truth. "Hongjoong… there's something special about what I feel… when you're near, my heart starts to race. I think I might be falling for you."

"Seriously?" Your confession surprised him, and a shy yet joyful smile spread across his face. "Were you just teasing me?"

"Not at all. I would never lie about how I feel."

He leaned in closer, his eyes searching yours for any sign of jest. The sincerity in your tone echoed through the room, and the tension between you seemed to dissolve. Hongjoong's hand, which had been resting on the bedsheets, gently brushed against yours, and you didn't pull away.

"I never thought... I mean, I've always been there for you, but I never expected..." He trailed off, searching for the right words.

"Expected what?" You prompted, a hint of vulnerability creeping into your voice.

Hongjoong looked down, his fingers entwining with yours. "I never imagined that you would see me as more than just a friend. I've always admired you, from afar, but I never dared to dream that you felt the same way."

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, and you leaned in, closing the small gap between you. 

"I think I like you, too." Hongjoong's expression softened, and he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you. It was a gentle, comforting embrace that spoke volumes of the feelings he had been holding back.

"Thank you," he whispered, his breath warm against your ear. "I've been waiting for this moment for so long. I'm glad you feel the same way."

Smiling, you gave him a nod after a gazing. Without hesitation, he leaned in, pressing his lips against yours, catching you by surprise, but you quickly melted into the kiss. 

As you lay back on the bed, he hovered over you, the kiss unbroken. He was tender and cautious, as if he feared making you uneasy.

"I have a good way to reduce the period pain." He settled your hand on his cheek, giving a peck on that. "Do you wanna give it a try?"

You knew what he meant and what he wanted to do. Of course, you wanted to, too. 

"Please." 

"Wait for a while." He pecked at you after leaving for a towel and condom. Placing the towel under your thighs, he then lifted up your dress to slide down your panties. 

"I love you, y/n." He towered you, pulling out his cock from his panties. He reached out, his fingers gently tracing the contours of her cheek, as if committing her beauty to memory. You  closed your eyes, a soft sigh escaping your lips, inviting him closer.

Their lips met in a kiss that was at once tender and passionate, filled with a longing that had been building for what felt like an eternity. He guided his member to your entrance, which was already wrapped up in a condom, then slowly eased into you. 

You moaned out as you broke the kiss, the sensation of being filled up was weird you could say. Hongjoong, same as you, felt a little bit uneasy because of your sticky blood. 

"It hurts…" A deep frown creased your forehead as the familiar grip of menstrual pain returned. Watching you suffer, Hongjoong's heart ached with sorrow. He lingered, allowing your pain to fade gradually, before he began to move in and out. His rhythm matched the tenderness of his kisses, a blend of softness and intensity.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper. His cock could easily reach your sensitive spot thanks to your blood. Settling your legs around his waist, he rolled his hips at a steady pace. 

"Shit, it feels good." "Hongjoong…" "It's okay, love." His head landed in your neck, dropping a broken kiss on that. It began with a gentle brush of lips against the warm, smooth skin, a tentative exploration that sent shivers down your spine. He deepened his kiss as he started to rush, his lips lingering softly on the curve of the neck as well as his thick cock─grazing your hot wall deliciously as he moved back and forth. 

"Joong…it's…fuck…"His hard tip suddenly hit your sweet spot, making you whole body squirm and let out a shy moan. "Here?" He hit it again, you couldn't help but tighten your wall. The wave of excitement rushed throughout your body each time he collided with it. You loved it. 

"Please, joong. I need more." "As you wish,  baby girl." He lifted up his hips, withdrawing his cock until only his tip inside you, then shoving back with a great force. You arched your back, opening your mouth for better breathing. The crash he made caused you to run out of oxygen. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He fucked you so fast and hit the same spot dead on. All the heat gathered in your lower core and formed a knot. Pain?It was already faded away and instead by your climax. Your wall clenched his cock, urging him to bring you to the edge. He picked up his pace, panting heavily and letting out a throaty moan. 

Your legs were placed on his shoulder, oh, he went so deep. He sat up straight, grabbing your knees and pushed into your wetness. The noise from outside faded away, leaving only the rapid thumping of your heart and the skin slapping sound, drowning out the chaos beyond. His ball hit your ass each time his tip reached the deepest, making you groan without care. 

His hand found his way to your collar, pulling it down to explode your fine chest. He pushed up your bra, squeezing your breast hard while teasing your nipple, earning a shy chuckle from your lips. "Gotta taste you." He leaned down to suck your nipple, his tongue licked everywhere he could reach. 

The double excitement made you spin. There was nothing left but only the kissing sound and the skin slapping sound bouncing off the wall. 

"I'm so close." He huffed, his thrust lost its rhythm as he found the way to peak. You, too. After a few thrust and a long throaty moan, both of you came. "Goodness." Your embrace tightened as you two didn't want to leave. Catching his breath, he pecked at your cheek before removing. 

"Am I right?Does it hurt now?" He asked, a grin played on his lips. 

"No." You shook your head. "Thank you." You gazed into each other's eyes, their faces flushed with the aftermath of their intimacy.

"Hey, I made lunch." Wooyoung suddenly knocked on your door, giving you two shocks. "But I think you two are full now?"

"No…ugh…we'll eat later." Hongjoong stammered. 

"Alright. You two will be hungry for sure especially after an intense team sport!" Wooyoung teased. 

"Shut up!Wooyoung!Leave!" 

"Okay, okay~Call me if you need more condoms." 

"I'll just kill you, you asshole!" 

Ah…it was so embarrassing.

tag list:@angelsaway, @yeosangcutie0615

[mossyeyeballs]

TW: mentions of pretty much everything terrible. 🍇, trafficking, all of the above.

CLASS OF 09 RANT, FLIP SIDE SPOILERS

Ok not my usual post (I’ve posted twice ik but shush) but what the freak was the flip side??….. I was a huge fan of class of 09 + the re up but this game was so.. what’s the word….. dog shit? Even if we ignore half of the game being about the creators weird foot fetish, the sl@ve ending was so unnecessary. I feel like the only thing in that route that was worth writing was the issue in retail work and that wasn’t even the star focus, let alone side focus. The main plot of that route was the counselor having some weird illegal 🌽 warehouse, jecka finding it, and then him blackmailing her into human 🚙 🚙 ing?

The only ending I thought was necessary IF THAT was when Jecka found Nicole after the sue a side ending from re up. I thought it did a decent job at talking about sue a side victims, and how nobody really cares about them until it’s too late, And even then they only care for a week or so and then move on.

But the Jeffery dying one was the most out of place in my opinion (unfortunately it beats the foot ending.) For starters, Nicole was really out of character imo, like yeah she’s talked about wishing Jeffery was dead before, but her actually killing him just out of boredom is so odd. Her entire character is “I don’t put effort into anything unless it benefits me.” Killing Jeffrey was not only ALOT of effort, but she gained absolutely nothing. On top of that, saying it’s different than doing. Like how she talked about wishing her mom was dead, but then when she had a heart attack, she panicked. Plus, she PLANNED on making Jecka take some of the blame on his death, which she stated in past games she wouldn’t do. She literally never put Jecka in harms way, let alone jail if it didn’t also benefit them both. But this didn’t, she just did it to do it.

While we’re talking about Nicole being out of character, I feel it valid to mention her and Jeckas dad. For obvious (and gross) reasons, I won’t be detailing this, but her doing that to Jecka wasn’t fully out of character, but still odd. Like I mentioned earlier, Nicole never really did anything to spite Nicole, so I find it odd that she did in this game. You could blame it on “oh she’s a sociopath she doesn’t care.” But I don’t think that’s inherently true. Yeah, I guess it’s canon she’s a sociopath, but in that case they do a bad job at consistency. She’s shown in both games 1 and 2 caring about people she’s close with, whether it’s Jecka, her mom, or even Emily in one segment. So I find it completely random that she did this to Jecka over something as small as not sharing how she got into foot work. Jeckas done much worse stuff to Nicole, and Nicole just didn’t care because they were friends, or didn’t feel the need to put effort into doing something if she did care. So yeah, Nicole basically screwing Jeckas dad over something so little felt out of character.

One of the few things that bothered me the least, but I feel the need to mention was the foot work stuff. Not because it was out of character, i fear I’ve seen worse stuff mentioned in that game. But I guess the way it was portrayed as less of a story plot and more of the creator trying to live out his fantasies. He himself has stated Jeffrey is basically a self insert, so the whole being sexually obsessed with Jecka and her feet felt REALLY weird. Compared to Nicole’s my space favor thing, this just felt dirty. For comparison. Both Jecka and Nicole took up sex work to keep a home life or lackthereof, they both got money from strangers to do sexual things, and they both hated doing it. But why did Jeckas feel so much more personal and gross? Because the actual sex work was shown. In graphic detail. And all of Jeffrey’s (the creators) personal thoughts were stated with no backlash. Jeffery literally asked Jecka if she would 🍒feed him, and he was excused. When Nicole was asked the same hing from the same guy, he was insulted, yelled at, even told to leave.

So, creepy creator who’s obsessed with his barely legal characters, Jecka being sold to 🚙 🚙ing agaisnt her will, Jeffrey being murdered for no reason other than a giggle or two from his haters, Jecka accidentally killing Ari cause she was drunk driving, feet fan service, and fan service in general aside, the game is left only with the regular drug and alcohol abusage we always see. which in the game that was advertised as a new experience felt really stale and honestly left me bored. The ONE SINGULAR time during this game that I giggled was when the hat man appeared in the Ari route.

If you’ve fully ignored everything I said in this, maybe didn’t care, or didn’t even read it. Id just like to mention for everyone that the creator of this game said that anybody who disliked him, his games, his writing, or his humor were kid diddlers. In full seriousness. So yeah, no shock this game was bad, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected better from someone who thinks his haters are all child likers. All this being said, I enjoyed class of 09, and the re up. I’m hoping the anime episode that comes out soon with be a decent save. all of THAT being said, I don’t support this creator. I don’t support his actions, I think he’s a shitty person who’s made some shitty jokes, but made some not so shitty games that I decently enjoyed. I also haven’t bought them, so none of my money has gone towards him or his projects. I in NO WAY support him. Thanks for reading.

Feel free to comment down some of your own opinions if you feel so inclined, I’m interested in what everyone else thought of this game :))

[biggesthomuradefender]

me losing my mind after everything abt rebellion gets misinterpreted a million thousandth times 💀

so, here are a few misconceptions that i want to rant abt bc they aggravate me !! lol.

“the madoka that talked to homura in the flower field isn’t the real madoka/is only saying what homura wants to here !!”

it was literally confirmed MULTIPLE times that that was the real madoka, by multiple characters 😭 homura, bebe, sayaka, kyuubey, even madoka herself after she regains her memories… that isn’t even media literacy, the movie fucking TELLS you directly.

even one of the fucking creators, shinbo, confirmed that the words madoka spoke in the flower field was literally her true feelings.

also… no, that’s the last thing homura wanted to hear. why would she want to hear that she failed at her one reason to live, that her beloved wasn’t happy and was actually suffering all alone, and it was all her fault? that she lied to herself in an attempt to convince herself that madoka was rly okay? hello???

“madoka was happy/fine as a god”

no, no she wasn’t. she didn’t even WANT to be a god, she was just willing to be one bc she felt that her wish was more important than her life, her very existence and humanity (devil homura parallel…)

homura realized that she wasn’t happy, that’s a large reason as to why she did what she did at the very end of the movie.

“homura could have just gone w madoka to ‘heaven’ at the end”

no, no she couldn’t have. did you forget that the incubators were literally planning to use madoka and her powers in order to bring back the witch system again in order to turn ALL magical girls into witches?? when the girls freed homura from the incubator’s seal and madokami came to take homura’s soul gem away, madoka and all of the magical girls were still in DANGER bc kyuubey was still going to do it, and homura knew that.

“homura never accepted madoka being a god”

this has got to be one of the dumbest ones i’ve ever heard… homura quite literally DID except it, her resolve only started to deter when she learned that madoka wasn’t happy as a god, and then completely broke apart when she didn’t succeed in killing herself (over and over again, might i add) in her own soul gem before all the girls saved her.

[noobsoconfusing]

‘domesticated dawg’.. domestic!hamzah

contains reader insert! and nsfw kinda at the end

- for his whole damn life, everything hamzah wanted was a home

- sure, he had one before, but to be honest, it was just a house. no meaning behind it other than his family living there with him.

- so when he eventually moved out, loneliness began hitting like a truck..

- he found himself alone. constantly trying to fit into everything mandy and martin did, but he understood his friends also wanted privacy

- although hamzah wished he could just live with his friends, everything seemed funner with them. mandy was nice, always sharing martin with him, letting him interrupt their conversations to add comments, making jokes about whatever and they even had a group chat!

- but still, that life was not his, it was martin’s. it was mandy’s. not hamzah’s.

- god, he so craved a relationship as beautiful as his friends. it made him so sad knowing that the only girl he pulled ever was in elementary school :(

- so when you stumbled upon his hectic life, he knew he was NOT letting u go. ever. never ever.

- and mother of god, you were just so so so perfect? how could you? like, for real, he asks himself everyday what the hell did he ever do to deserve such a beautiful human by his side

- as the relationship develops, he finds himself doing stuff he only dreamed about

- he enjoys every single little thing you guys do together, cherishes every moment with you, even when you’re not around he keeps your id picture in his wallet

- makes sure you don’t have to move a finger!!!

- dishes? he does em! the bed? he makes it! clean the cats litterbox? on it!

- sometimes you wake up to the faint smell of something burning, and you’ve gotten used to it by now it’s even comforting .

“sweetheart….” he’d whisper not to disturb your peaceful slumber, however the noisy rattling of the dishes and the blender going off earlier had you already awake.

“hmm?” you murmured slowly opening your eyes, his big eyes stared at you like a squished bug, it made you giggle how eager he was to serve breakfast in bed.

“you are never gonna believe what i just prepared!” he excitedly said.

you smiled, sometimes hamzah was like an excited toddler showing you everything he did or found.

“so like, last night i was on facebook and found this super cool french toast recipe and tried to make it today for you but uh… we didn’t have eggs… or bread.” he paused and you tilted your head. “so i also tried to make pancakes with water and the mix but uh.. you never really showed me how to lower the flame so uh, they’re bricks now…” he nervously scratched his head

he was so cute, or so you thought.

“it’s okay, hamzah, what did you make then?” you asked, invested heavily. he always managed to surprise you somehow.

quickly, he got up the bed where he was straddling you, and ran to the counter where he had left the plate.

“anyway, cereal!” he smiled so big waiting for your reaction of approval.

“wooooow! my favourite!” you smiled too.

“i know right!”

- hamzah tries SO hard to please you :(

- actually tries to spend every single hour of the day with you, due to his job he finds himself being at martin’s often, so he brings you with him each time!

- late night editing with him, where you two are just snuggled together under the covers, hamzah has his blue light glasses on, and you think, man, what a sight to see!

- hamzah actually thinks you guys are married..

- not to be intense or anything, but to him, being with you means for life. you guys are going serious. no escaping from this man now. no backing down now.

- you and the cats are his little family. he has found a home in you and is willing to keep it forever <3

- every moment with you counts to him.

- in the mornings you two brush your teeth together, sometimes he spits toothpaste on your hand to make you mad, which doesn’t really work because you do the same to him and then it all ends in a laughing fit

- HE HAS NO SENSE OF PRIVACY T_T

- you could be taking a shower and he’s right outside of the shower curtain taking a shit and talking about whatever was on his mind

- when you’re using the bathroom he would burst the door open to grab something he left inside, unapologetically look at you and smile innocently

- since your little house –apartment– is rather small, whenever you use the kitchen together he has to constantly guide you around in order to not bump into each other

- grabs your waist to prevent you from slipping if he spills milk or water..

- literally just an excuse to touch you, though.

- sometimes you’re cooking and he just sneaks behind you to give you a back hug. rests his chin on top of your head and stays there for a while

- needs you constantly ngl

- if there’s something wrong with the house, such as a leak or a burnt bulb, he would try his best to fix it himself to prove you he’s capable of everything

- usually ends badly and you have to call someone else to fix it but hey! he tried!

- since you both are not very extroverted, house dates are perfect.

- movie nights under the dim lights of the apartment that lead to make out sessions..

“h-hold…” you tried to say between sloppy kisses being planted on your neck. “hold on!” you laughed out loud when the hickey he was giving you tickled your collarbone.

“mhmm, why?” you could feel his warm breath as he murmured against your skin.

“movie…”

“rather do you, though.” he replied.

- ordering take out that just ends up on hamzah and you racing to see who can eat more

- he loves to see you wearing his clothes <3 like, it actually makes him physically happy and super fucking proud

- loves how his hoodies are undeniably big on you, and how his shirts falls down to your thighs, covering you up so perfectly. knowing you enjoy wearing his clothes just makes him realise how much you both need each other pretty much always

- hamzah has mentioned –to you– before his desire to actually grow your family a bit more, no more cats though, no dogs either. a baby, maybe. or two. three?

- and he was super blunt and serious about it, also. like he was being DEAD SERIOUS. he loves you, dude. this man is a family man.

“we are very serious, right?” he asked you out of the blue.

“yeah, of course.” you replied looking at his direction. the bed sheets covered his body so you could only see his face peeking out. it was funny.

“no but like, im super serious about you, about us… i love you a lot and i feel so deeply about you, is that alright? do you not feel weird about me? like, do you actually like me or…?” he rambled, and you knew how self conscious he could get sometimes ;(

“hamzah, i am so very serious about us too, i love being with you, why would you doubt that?” it made you sad, but you had to constantly reassure him.

he leaned in to kiss you, so soft and desperate at the same time, like he was trying not to break down.

“serious, right?” he asked again as he broke the kiss

“yeah, very serious, hamzah.”

a moment of silence. he played with your hair, then subtly touched your face in the dark, tracing your features.

“okay but speaking super fucking seriously, i wanna impregnate you and i wanna raise our children and live until we’re super fucking old, that alright?”

he deadpanned. and you never felt so loved, even if his ways were… odd. you knew he cared, and you did too!

“yeah. that alright.”

- morning sex hits hard w hamzah btw. so when you’re still tired and wanna be together you opt for this one as an excuse to get up until the evening

- this man needs you so much that he actually for real wants to merge your souls together

- but as he cannot do that yet, he settles for your bodies..

- sometimes when he’s working he just :( needs you and your warmth and your embrace and your presence and you you you you

- he’s obsessed with you to say the least

- yeah so cockwarming.. where he just begs for it, and you cant say no to that wet dog face :c though you know he wont even last a minute without moving cuz he’s needy like that.

- his hands are grasping at your waist for mercy, keeping you down and linked to his own body. he tries his best to keep still, though you wouldn’t mind if he actually started thrusting

- loves how warm you’re always :c it’s almost embarrassing how pathetic this man is for you

“mmm, im… oh, god! f-fuck, im sorry, can i…?” he whimpers, his eyes shut and his work long forgotten on the desk

and god, yeah. you need it too. he’s been inside for what felt like fucking hours. you were just as needy and desperate but didn’t wanna say anything :(

“yeah j-just…yeah..” you managed to say, your face buried in his neck, inhaling his cologne.

it was so damn intoxicating, you felt so drunk on him.

- big on aftercare. he wants to make you comfortable and loved, which yeah you feel like that around him. tho he also needs aftercare from you sometimes..

- hamzah thinks, you found him to save him. save him from his loneliness, his misfortune, everything. he is so glad that you exist and decide to share your existence with him.

- hamzah now doesn’t have to look for a home in other places. he doesn’t have to look out for love, for company somewhere else. he has you, you’re his home now. now and forever

- you’re a home that’s not taken. a home that’s not temporary. a home that waits for him everyday. a home that provides love and care. a home that he doesn’t feel he’s intruding..

- a home he doesn’t wanna run away from. not ever

>_<

down bad for this kinda hamzah bruv anyway hope some1 likes dis

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

CW: Rape, incest, CSA

This is actually not a strictly A Song of Ice and Fire post here, but it overlaps in some ways so I figured I'd write this.

Anyone who has not read the web serials Worm or Ward and wishes to avoid spoilers, don't read this post:

Disclaimer out of the way, I've found striking parallels between fandom reaction for both A Song of Ice and Fire and Parahumans regarding how characters who survived sexual abuse view their abusers, in a dangerously disturbing way.

For this I'm going to specifically be using the examples of Aeron and Theon Greyjoy from A Song of Ice and Fire to compare and contrast to Victoria Dallon in Ward. All three were psychologically and sexually tormented by their abusers during the course of the series. Theon is a young adult by the time Ramsay gets his hands on him, but Aeron and Victoria were both children when they were molested by family members so they will be the main two characters to compare.

In the case of Euron and Aeron, there are a (sadly very vocal) minority who are ready to dismiss Euron's danger to others by specifically using Aeron's abuse against him. Sure, Euron is evil and horrifically abused him and Urrigon when they were children, and it is understandable that Aeron would be mortified of Euron. After all, he tries to warn people about Euron repeatedly, only for his attempts to stop him to all fail.

The response by this section of the fandom to claims of Euron being built up as a major threat are essentially that Aeron's trauma is in the way of his ability to perceive Euron objectively. Is Euron actually as dangerous as Aeron claims? You can say the same for Theon and Ramsay. After all, Theon is half-mad warning Stannis about Ramsay, and Stannis is bringing some Rational Realness to the forefront by saying "what do I have to fear him for?"

Since GRRM is never releasing another A Song of Ice and Fire book it's hard to say what he intends but he could definitely intend for this to be the case. That said, there is a story featuring a similar character that is completed. Ward!

Victoria Dallon's sister, Amy, is a cape with healing abilities, though as the series progresses we know that healing is just the tip of the iceberg; she can change the biological makeup of living things. Amy is adopted, and has never felt any love from anyone other than Victoria. Amy develops deep romantic love for her sister, however, and then begins a series of bad decisions that just serve to deepen her already deep mental breakdown.

Amy proceeds to; alter Victoria's brain chemistry to give her compulsive romantic thoughts about her, then following healing Victoria after a battle, she spends several days alone with her, during which she repeatedly rapes her, erases her memories of said rapes, until her mental health deteriorates even further and she is unable to use her power properly and turns Victoria into the Wretch: a mass of flesh and limbs and heads, rather than anything actually human.

Then Victoria spends 2 years in a mental institution, stuck in a body she hates, all the while fighting the compulsions Amy left in place. When she finally returns Victoria to normal at the end of Worm, it is actually against her will and not because she had a change of heart or got more confident.

Then we get to Ward, where Victoria is the main POV. As is very obvious, Victoria is struggling with extremely intense PTSD, mentioning Amy is enough to trigger a dissociative flashback, and she wants absolutely nothing to do with her anymore: and fucking rightfully so.

Victoria also warns people about Amy. She warns her therapist to try to reach out to Amy before she hurts someone else, she warns literally anyone who will listen about Amy and what she might end up doing. We may not know what it is that Ramsay and Euron end up doing, but we do know what Amy does.

She refuses all help and doubles down on bad decisions, enslaves people with her powers, later imprisons and torments and touches Victoria again against her will, and becomes the dictatorial monster in charge of an entire planet. Victoria's warnings prove to be extremely prophetic and extremely real.

Now lets get into some discourse shall we?

Despite Amy being a rapist who rapes her sister, enslaves others via mind control, and literally never once improving as a person or acknowledging that her actions even caused harm, there are still those who think Amy isn't at fault. Some might find this post, but I don't really care. Amy is at fault for things Amy did. Victoria is not at fault for hugging her sister like a normal human being when Amy is upset, Amy didn't do her a favour healing her because then she just raped her and then really couldn't fix her back to a human body, and Amy isn't absolved of these sins because she healed a lot of people.

Essentially, Victoria is sometimes blamed for being raped by her sister, the rapist, despite Amy canonically being a manipulative lying liar rapist.

Okay so that doesn't seem to related to what the fandom says with Euron and Ramsay, right? After all, we don't really blame Aeron for being molested and Theon for also being sexually tortured and abused by Ramsay, do we? There are factors as to why that is (mostly that Aeron and Theon are men and Victoria is a woman; if you don't buy this argument look at people who say Cersei deserved to be sexually assaulted by Robert or try to use "the times" as an excuse to overlook Daenerys also being raped by Drogo) but there is an overlap here.

Amy being able to get away with that she did only to go on and hurt so many other people is a meta-commentary on the way survivors of sexual abuse are disbelieved or blamed for what happened to them. Naturally, those real like abusers end up going to abuse other people too. Fuck, even in the fandom, Victoria is still fucking blamed for things that she had absolutely no choice in the matter.

Which leads back to Theon and Aeron. Yes, trauma impacts the way you remember traumatic events, and that means objectivity can get lost at times. It can for Victoria and Theon and Aeron. But that trauma, the dissociation, memory problems, all of these together, are there for a reason. And that's because someone came along, ruined another persons life for their own pleasure and satisfaction, and then got away with it.

Victoria warned the world about what Amy would do, and she was unfortunately correct. Theon and Aeron warned others about Ramsay and Euron. Survivors should be believed, and not be dismissed. After all, it isn't our fault that we got abused. People may hear things about Euron or Amy or Ramsay, but the people who truly know who they are---what they are capable of, what they are actually like---are the people they abused.

So yeah, it's kinda fucking lame when I hear someone go "Stannis gonna prove Theon wrong with facts and logic" as if he doesn't, I don't know, have insight into Ramsay's psychology in ways Stannis doesn't. Same with Euron. Same with Amy.

Also fucking read Ward it hurts as intensely as it kicks ass.

[katyspersonal]

Thinking about Giants' curse

(Images by Zlofsky) It seems like Radagon was not unique, after all! Fire Monks got this too! Notably, Arghanthy's hair is much less saturated, which makes sense since she is old :p I assume merely close contact with the Fire of Ruin is not all there is, but, they did inherit its power at some point:

"Can't burn if you are already on fire" or whatnot.

With Wego and Kood it can't be seen due to their helmets, but with Salza and Hilde (and general Fire Knight enemies) their red hair are also very visible! Though if Arghanthy is of any indication, again, Wego's hair is likely not so rich of color :p

This similarly confirms that wielding the Messmer's Flame (who we all know is connected with Fell God's curse one way or another) alone is not enough, but Fire Knights attempted to accept it within them! Even if it doesn't settle, the red hair stays!

Queelign seems to be an exception as he is the only Fire Knight whose hair isn't red, and also the only one who doesn't wear red cape. Again, he also uses Messmer's Flame but it alone didn't effect him; for one reason or another, Messmer didn't give him the curse despite Queelign being close enough to become a Fire Knight and live in Shadow's Keep. I think considering how much Queelign is like if Messmer was younger and more naive, he just doesn't want to.. Messmer always hated his flame, so maybe he doesn't have a heart to curse a guy who is quite basically a version of him he wished he was? And how could he ruin someone's blond hair...?

^^^ On a side note, Fire Knights don't have faces modeled under masks, but Messmer's Soldiers do! Seeing how the skin starts to darken for Fire Knights where their mask starts, they probably have a similar damage! Arghanthy has bright orange eyes though, and Fire Monks have normal Lands Between eyes (blue with Grace of Gold), despite both likewise having their faces darkened around the eyes, so maybe Fire Knights should also still have eyes? It is hard to say for sure,

[fruitmins]

FRI(END)S | taehyung

➭ summary: in which Taehyung has some big shoes to fill after his hyungs went to the military. The stress of it all and utter loneliness causes him to make some grave mistakes. Like paying a girl to be his friend. But after months, he starts to feel something more. He doesn’t know if he’s just over pretending because she’s obviously just doing her job.. or if something more is there. And after a rough night, he finds out.

➭genre: short oneshot, slowburn-ish, angst, friends au

➭warnings: unedited properly, talk about depression, a couple bad words, he can kinda be seen as creepy but he’s just awkward i swear

➭note: i actually like this. chat i like writing, i wish i could do it more. Agust Dad is in the works tho..

Taehyung knew the members entering the military would affect him.

Sure they had moved out of the dorm and stopped living together ages ago, but he was saddened to see his hyungs go after being in contact for almost decades. They had watched him grow up and helped him through the complications of being an idol.

And now that he was making music and doing it all on his own? He felt the effects of their absence hardened.

He tried staying close to the other maknae’s but they were doing their own preparations for their solos and didn’t want to be a burden. He tried smoking but it would only stir up trouble and was too risky. He tried going onto Korean tv shows but it only felt like more work.

It started to get worse the more he worked on his music and the longer his hyungs were away. He’d stay day and night at the studio, working tirelessly on his album. And when he did venture to his apartment suite, it was cold and empty. The Bangtan group chat dry.

Alone.

He hated the feelings of being alone. After 2020, the tour being cancelled and not being able to see his new fans, being forced to stay inside. He had his members at the time, making English songs that blew up. But he wasn’t happy. He was alone.

And whenever he walked in the door of his apartment after a long day or night, he felt the same feeling. Dread, hopelessness. Empty. And then, the military would come and sweep him away as well.

He didn’t want to feel like that. Didn’t want to spend the time he had before the military being things changed for good, feeling like that. He wouldn’t put out good music for his fans and he wouldn’t do good for himself mentally and physically. He needed something, anything to give him comfort. He couldn’t go down that rabbit hole he once been in.

Sugar.

Your brain's reward system is activated, which releases dopamine, a chemical that signals pleasure.

In this case, Sugar, is a sweet caring friend. A paid friend. Ironic to the fake name she gave Jimin, she was a sugar baby. You are sugar, in every meaning of the word.

He felt weird at first, when Jimin gave him Sugar’s number when he reluctantly told his hyung how he felt one night while drinking together. But after texting for weeks and a shiny NDA contract, Sugar was his temporary paid companion.

They’d text regularly, and when he was feeling his most depressed he’d pay her to come to his house before he got there. They didn’t have to talk, she just had to be there so he didn’t feel like he was drowning in his pity and loneliness. So he felt like people still cared.

As much as he hated it, it was working. The text turned into meet ups at his house. The chilling turned into cuddling. And hell, he felt good waking up in the mornings. Music felt less like work. Life felt like, life.

But working on music, and releasing it were two different battles. And doing it with a group, and being solo, were two different battles.

Taehyung put on a smile as he went backstage, the chilling sound of his fans feeling his ears as his earpiece now silent as his sound ended. It had been a while since he preformed at a Mcountdown, and he had forgotten how many strangers there were backstage as they started profusely congratulating him.

He put on a shy smile as people started handing him a small fan and wiping off his sweat. Before anyone else could crowd him, he grabbed his phone and excused himself to the bathroom.

He could feel his hands shaking, the pressure of being on stage by himself bringing back that some feeling of loneliness. He had forgotten about it because of the fans, but being backstage was much more awkward. He remembered how he used to cool down backstage with his members.

He missed them, dearly.

His fingers shook as he pressed against his phone screen, going to his messages and clicking the top person. He knew it was Sugar, he had only talked to her recently. He asked her to come over, and even sent the money in advance while also tripling the amount. He was vulnerable, and scared. He needed his fix. He needed comfort.

When he was finally able to escape the stage and was able to home later that night, he half expected for Sugar not to be there. The day had been so draining he had completely forgotten.

His eyes widened when he saw her in his apartment, lying on the couch all comfy. Her breathing soft and her hair in front of her face as she slept.

He quietly sat down his things and took off his shoes and socks. He had already changed out of his performance outfit and was in a baggy hoodie and jeans. He walked over to Sugar, brushing her hair out of her face and even that calmed him down from all of the chaos in his mind.

She had looked so comfortable in his space while she slept. So peaceful. Like she belonged there. He hadn’t realized how attached he had gotten to her until that moment. Her beautiful soft skin and playful hair. Her kind natural beauty and caring nature. It has been a while since he met a girl as innocent and sweet as her and the comfort she brought didn’t make it better.

He blinked out of his trance when he saw her blink, as if sensing his everlasting gaze. Her eyelashes fluttered as she slowly opened her eyes, Taehyung smiling when he saw the familiar pearls.

“Oh, you’re back.” She said she yawned and sat up slightly. “How was filming the.. song?” She asked, sounding so unsure and confused in her half awakened mind.

He chuckled, being aware for some time now that she knew nothing about the idol life or even listened to his music, and it was slightly refreshing.

“It was good, Sugar.” He said, his voice tried and raspy from singing and talking all day. The word coming out as more than a pet name more than it being the name she actually went by.

He picked her up, hands gripping her waist tightly as he easily held her up so he could sit on the couch and set her on his lap. His large hands, so soft and masculine, gripped her thighs tightly, situating them around his hips.

His body relaxed and his eyes closed slightly as he felt her soft figure against his chest as she wrapped her arms around her neck, playing with the back of his hair.

“Thank you.” He said breathlessly, eyes still closed as he relaxed and let himself feel her soothing touch. “You’re too good for me.”

”Are you okay?”

He didn’t except to hear her voice, considering she just woke up and that speaking to him wasn’t mandatory or anything. Her voice was as soft as ever, extra quiet from the sleepiness.

Fuck, he was getting attached. He was being too vulnerable, it was getting too intimate. To real.

She was paid to do this. To act caring and sweet so he could keep coming back and she could keep getting money. But God, it felt real now. Much more real than the first few months.

He tensed for a minute, his heart telling him to spill out everything but his brain winning, like most days. “I’m fine, Sugar.” He assured, his hand moving to her hair, gently stroking it. There was a moment where he considered actually telling her about his day, but the thought of it made his chest tighten. He didn't want to burden her with his problems, wanting her to stay shielded to the harsh reality of his life and riches.

"It's just been a long day, and I'm not used to things being this way." He admitted, his voice a bit more strained than normal. It was silent for a minute before he spoke again, not knowing why. “Thank you, for being here.”

“I’ll always be here for you..” she replied softly, looking up at him as she laid her head on his shoulder. “It’s nice here.”

He smirked, a small genuine smile played on his lips before letting out a chuckle. “Is it?” His eyes flickered away from her and to the idle big tv screen.

“I was watching you.” Her voice came through as he looked down at her once more. “Your music video, I mean.” She corrected herself with an awkward chuckle.

“Oh.” Taehyung didn’t know how to feel about it. Of course he was proud of his music, but slightly nervous for her opinion. “What’d you think?”

“It was.. beautiful.” She said, her eyes sparkling as their eyes met. “It was slow and sentimental..” his face reddened as she continued, the words making him antsy.

“I loved it. And you looked all dolled up and cute.” She giggled as she thought back on it. “I’ve never seen you like that.”

“What you look at me differently now? You see me as the big popstar like else everyone does?” He said, trying to play it off as a joke even though he was actually wondering.

“No.. still just Taehyung. My friend.” She said with a smile and his chest tightened slightly as reality set in.

No matter how many nights they’d spent on the phone, no matter how many ranted texts he sent.. No matter how many late nights and cuddles. They were friends, paid friends at that.

He was delusional for thinking it wasn’t anything else other than a girl taking care of her client in order for him to keep coming back later and get more money. Even knowing this—

“You wanna.. stay the night?” I’ll pay you extra.

He wants to say, but maybe if he didn’t bring it up she’d forget that that’s what she was there for. For money, not him..

“Sure!” She said excitedly, making his heart flutter. He hadn’t felt this way in a while. Relaxed and comfortable with someone outside of his group.

She giggled when she saw his almost shocked reaction. “I told you it’s nice here.”

He chuckled, shaking his head at her. “Eh, I’m used to being here.” He gestured to his nice apartment penthouse with the view of the city. Expense brands to cook with and soft nice couches and clothes. He didn’t know why he was trying to act so cool with his grand house when she’d already seen him at his most vulnerable.

He knew from the first few instances that she couldn’t have come from a rich family, judging by her reactions and lack of knowledge with certain gadgets and such. Just looking at the things she did for money, he figured she hadn’t come from the best of the bunch.

“I mean, I already fell asleep on the couch so I might as well sleep there.” She said with a chuckle.

“You don’t want to go to the bedroom with me?”

The words fly out of his mouth before he could even stop himself and he’s surprised by himself. Surprised that he keeps trying to push his luck with this girl. God, he’d given all the hints but couldn’t take one himself.

“I—“ she paused with a nervous chuckle. “Oh wow.” In an effort to get rid of the sudden tension that came over, and to not feel like a creep, he quickly spoke. “I mean— we cuddle anyways. Why not just cuddle each other to sleep. That would help me, don’t you think?”

He felt like an asshole just saying it, but as a miracle would have it, she started to contemplate before shrugging. “Sure, okay!” She said with a small smile.

“Y-You don’t have to! It was a stupid thing to say—“ Taehyung quickly said, sweating as he tried to make it all go away.

“No, no! It’s fine.” She said quickly, the two looking like two teenagers. “I think it’d be good for me too.” She stated and Taehyung softened.

Taehyung turned off all of the lights, taking her hand gently in his as he lead her to his bedroom, a place she’d never been before. There were posters of the group and artwork on the walls. Glimpses of his hobbies scattered around the room.

He took off his hoodie, revealing a plain white shirt underneath before he crawled onto his king sized bed. The quality of it, like everything else he owned, pleasant. She hummed when she laid down next to him, sinking into the mattress as she closed her eyes.

She took a minute to relax before turning on her side and looking at him, who was already staring at her while on his side. The two faced each other, heads on soft pillows with the lights dimmed. “You’re different today..” she muttered her observation softly.

“I know.. that’s why I sent you triple.” He said with a soft chuckle, he knew he would be more clingy, more of a pain. He hoped she was okay with it. That maybe it would become a regular for the two.

“I don’t mind it, Tae-Tae.. It’s peaceful with you.” She said with a soft smile while stroking his hair as Taehyung let out a breath of relief. He had felt the same, at peace. Maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way he did about each other.

He wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her closer to him and his heart raced as he took in her features, copying every detail into his brain. She was so beautiful, inside and out. His eyes traced over her face, before landing on her lips. So pretty and pink.

He couldn’t stop himself. He had convinced himself that he would rather try to see if something was there than sit months worrying and dreaming about could have been. So he leaned in closer to her as he licked his lips, and gently pressed his lips onto hers in a soft kiss.

She smiled against it immediately before responding, pushing herself flush against his chest as he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss. His hand went to her back, gripping it tightly as he held onto her like his life depended on it.

He pulled away after a while, breathless and his heart souring. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while..” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her face.

“Me too..” she squeaked out, swallowing as she closed her eyes and kissed him again. His eyes closed as he relaxed into the affection, his feelings deep as they drifted off to sleep on each other’s arms.

~~

To his horror, Taehyung woke up alone the next morning. He could smell her candied, sugary scent but she wasn’t there. He could feel her sweet sugary lips still on his from the hours before. But she wasn’t there.

He sat up quickly, looking around and fearing the worst. What if she got lost in the complex? Or some crazy fan took her?

He raced to get his phone to do something, to figure something out. Only to be greeted with a notification that was received an hour ago.

Let’s stay friends. Just for now :)

[pichiru]

The Sun Also Smiles - Chapter 2

Chapters - [1] [2] [3] [4]

Summary - With Mabel and Dipper's 16th birthday party on the horizon, Grunkle Stan takes to online dating to find a date for the party. But who he meets isn't who she thinks she is. Things start to get weird.

Word Count - 2,805

Pairing(s) - Stan Pines x OC

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, Mystery

~~~~~~~~

SunshineSoul said:

Good evening, Mr. Pines 😊

BigManPines said:

Hey toots

SunshineSoul said:

"Hey toots" I like that. Do you actually talk like that in person?

BigManPines said:

Yeah. Got a problem with it?

SunshineSoul said:

Absolutely not. I love the way you talk. It's so straight forward and no silly business.

BigManPines said:

No Silly Business is my middle name.

BigManPines said:

It's not. My middle name is FIlbrick. Me and my brother have the same middle name.

SunshineSoul said:

LOL you're so funny. You type like you're nervous around me. Are you nervous?

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

Yeah. I'm nervous.

SunshineSoul said:

Why? I won't eat you. Unless you ask me ever so politely 😊

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines is typing...

BigManPines said:

I'm just a shy old man if i'm bein honest

SunshineSoul said:

Awww. It's okay. I understand. I get really shy too. Especially around shy old men named Stan 😋

BigManPines said:

You're just sayin that

SunshineSoul said:

I'm not actually. We've only been talking for a week and I genuinely like talking to you and getting to know you. I mean that.

BigManPines said:

Well thanks toots. I like talking to you too. The fact that I'm talkin to you instead of turning on the latest episode of The Duchess Approves says a lot.

SunshineSoul said:

THAT WAS TONIGHT??? NOOOOO!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT 😭😭😭 Ugghhhhhh I think I've been working too hard

BigManPines said:

It's gonna rerun in 45 minutes. Definitely gonna tune in for that showing.

SunshineSoul said:

Yeah? You wanna like...sit on the phone and watch it together? Live reaction kind of thing? It'll be like we're watching it right beside each other :D

"Well?" Ford asked as he folded his arms. He'd been sitting next to Stan during the entire conversation to help him through it and even giving him ideas of what to say back to this mystery woman.

"Well what?" Stan asked back.

"Are you going to call her?"

Stan was quiet for a while, putting his chin in his left hand to start rubbing his stubble. He was deep in thought.

"I wanna but I know I'm just gonna make a fool out of myself if you leave me alone with her," Stan admitted, a little ashamed of this. He knew Ford was no better with this type of stuff than he was but he seemed just slightly more adept.

"Stan, I know how nervous you get around women. It truthfully baffles me but that's a conversation for a different day. But you've been talking to this woman for a week by yourself. Mostly."

"Yeah but what if I'm too gruff and off puttin for her? She seems like a proper lady. Like she doesn't even wanna get her hands dirty typa lady."

"Even the most proper of women can get down and dirty if they thought it was worth it. I learned that in college," Ford retorted. "Listen. Do you like this woman?" he asked, motioning his hand towards the laptop on the kitchen table.

Stan sat there in complete silence for a moment. "Yeah. I do."

"Then I think it'll be a good idea for you to have your first "date" with her over the phone. I know Mabel would think it's the most adorable thing she's ever seen in the world. She knows how much that tv show means to you." He crossed his legs then began bouncing his foot, thinking some more.

"I honestly think you should ask her on a proper date if this goes well," he added. "I've seen all the messages. Even the..." he cleared his throat behind a closed fist against his lips. "Saucier messages that I wish I could wipe from my memory. Where's the memory gun when you need it," he murmured under his breath.

"Hey! Nobody told your nosy ass to read those!  Just the normal ones!" Stan said suddenly, his cheeks reddening in complete embarrassment now. "Better be lucky neither of us sent any pictures."

"Speaking of pictures," Ford interrupted quickly. "Do you even know what this woman looks like? I looked at her profile and she doesn't have any pictures of herself. Just her art."

Stan shrugged. "Iunno," he said in a dismissive tone as he folded his arms now too. "A babe like her has gotta be drop dead gorgeous right? She talks like she's beautiful."

"That...That doesn't even make sense!"

"And?" Stan laughed, nudging his brother roughly with his elbow.

ding!

SunshineSoul said:

Did I scare you away?

"See? She's waiting on your answer. Say yes. I'll just head down to the lab and the kids are fast asleep. Big shopping day tomorrow for them. Especially Mabel," Ford encouraged.

"Fine." That was all he could manage to say in response. He knew in his heart that he wanted to talk to her but he also knew he would find a way to botch it.

BigManPines said:

Nah you didn't scare me off.

BigManPines said:

I wouldn't mind watching the episode on the phone with ya. I've never done anything like that before but I'm willin to try.

SunshineSoul said:

Omg yay! I get to hear that Jersey accent in real time. I love it. My number is 615-333-3333. Call me when you're ready 💜😋

"Well! Good luck!" Ford said, slamming his hand down on Stan's shoulder before he stood up and stretched. "I definitely won't be listening in with one of my spy devices," he said jokingly as he walked out of the kitchen.

"You do and I'll kill ya!" Stan yelled after him, shaking his fist.

"Yeah, yeah," Ford laughed as he walked through the door that led into the mystery shack.

Stan sat there in the kitchen in silence with his thoughts. What was the first thing he was gonna say to this woman? Will she still be into him after the date? Er...call? It's not a date. It's definitely not a date. Unless she wants to consider it a date? Then sure. It's a date.

It's not a date.

It's. Not. A. Date.

A half hour later, Stan was sitting in his recliner in the living room, holding his phone with the mystery woman's phone number dialed in and sitting on the screen. He clutched it nervously, not completely sure if he should really go through with this or not.

It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a date. It's not a da-

He closed his eyes tightly and pressed the bright green call button on his screen. It rang a few times before it was picked up on the other end.

"Lemme guess. It's BigManPines callin me up on a Friday evening?" She chuckled sweetly.

Stan grinned almost immediately from hearing her voice. It sounded way younger than he was expecting. He was expecting an older woman based upon her interest in him. Because what would a young woman want with an old guy like him?

"Yeah, it's...it's me," he said in a tone that definitely betrayed his nervousness.

"Oh! You sound nervous. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Nah, nah! It's okay. Like I said earlier, I'm just a shy old guy. Talkin on the phone gives me the creeps sometimes," Stan admitted.

"You're one of the in person type of people? I get it," she said in a kind sort of voice. Almost motherly.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm just super old fashioned, toots."

"Yeah? I like that about you though," she admitted freely with a hint of a smile in her tone.

She really was just a ray of sunshine that came barreling into Stan's life this evening. It really cheered him up and made him feel a little more at ease.

"Can...Can I ask you somethin?" Stan asked after a moment.

"Of course you can, big man Stan," she said cutely, laughing a bit behind it.

"How old are ya? You don't sound like you're even within ten years of my age."

She sighed softly across the phone. "I'm not a teenager or a youngin if that's what you're asking. I'm 36 years old."

Stan laughed at her statement. "36 is a damn youngin compared to me!" He continued laughing.

"Yeah true! But look. I think you're really handsome and from the looks of the pictures on your profile, you're so buff. You work out?" She asked curiously.

"I used to box a lot in my youth. I still do it from time to time to keep up the old physique," he explained proudly. "Ya think I'm buff?"

"Yeah, I do. I also think you'd be strong enough to throw me over your shoulder," she said in a very obviously flirty tone. "Especially if I'm bad."

Stan's entire face was red at this point. He was a very straight forward person but she...she was a different breed of straight forward. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

"You bad often?" he asked cheekily.

"Maybe. We'll just have to find out soon."

Stan chuckled to himself. "I gotta ask, toots. What's your actual name? I've just been callin you Sunshine this whole time."

A shy but eager giggle could be heard on the other side of the call.

"I like that coming off your tongue. It sounds...woof," she laughed deviously. "You can call me Sunshine or Sol. It doesn't matter which. Long as you call me." If they were in person, she definitely would have winked at the old man and made him go into cardiac arrest.

Stan's heart was racing at this point in the conversation. He was nervous and excited simultaneously. Something about this woman excited him in ways he hadn't felt in a while and he didn't know what to do with that thought.

"Sol, eh? Is it short for something?"

"Solana," she said simply.

"Solana. Name's beautiful, toots," he complimented with a smile on his face. "Solana," Stan repeated, trying to find the perfect tone to say her name in now.

"Stopppppp. I hate it so much. It makes me feel like an old lady or something."

"Toots, if I knew an old lady named Solana, I'd still think your version of the name would be just as beautiful to me as it is now."

"Stopppppppppppppppp. You're making me blush so much," she squealed gently. "I caaannn'ttttt. You call yourself a shy old guy but you're just an old guy who hasn't had the opportunity to let the real him out."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Nobody's felt worth it in my life before so I just stay reserved and emotionally cut off usually."

"That sounds so lonely," Solana said in a sad voice. "But that's why I'm here now," she joked.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here now," he said gratefully.

There was a comfortable silence as they turned their TVs on to the station they needed for the rerun of the show. Once the show came on, Solana became quiet so she could absorb what was going on in the show. She wanted to blurt her thoughts and be over the top with her reactions but she didn't want to scare Stan away. Something truly outrageous happened in the show suddenly and Stan shouted.

"What do you mean, you need a date to the cotillion! You don't need a man! You're a strong woman, Duchess!" He whisper yelled so he wouldn't wake the kids up.

Solana jumped but she laughed at his outburst. "Exaccttllyyyy!!! She's built up her entire reputation as someone who is very independent and has made it known that her world does NOT revolve around needing a man! What the hell!" she added, following behind Stan's outrage.

"Exactly toots! This is ridiculous. This show really started to go downhill in season 3. They should have just ended in season 2," Stan sighed as he sunk down in his chair in frustration.

"I agree! I was so excited when I heard they were making this into a tv show. The movie was a masterpiece," she said with a nod she knew Stan wouldn't be able to see.

"See, you get it. My niece and nephew watch with me sometimes but even they don't get the intricacies of this show."

"That's so sad. I love analyzing this show. It's so deep," Solana said fondly. "It makes me feel so secure in my womanhood sometimes," she halfway joked.

"I hear tha-"

"SAUNTERBLUGGET?!" They exclaimed in unison.

"No way they brought him back!!! He died in that carriage crash last season!!" Solana said in pure shock.

"True but listen, toots. If they don't show the dead body on camera, I never believe someone's dead. I learned that with tv shows in the past. Somethin to keep in mind goin forward," Stan advised even though he was equally as shocked as Solana was. He just wanted to also seem cool to her.

"Ohhhhhhhh! I never even thought about that honestly. Oh my god. You just opened my eyes to a whole new world. Holy shit."

"You're welcome," Stan chuckled. "What a way to end an episode."

"Ahhhhh. I know! I can't wait a whole week. This suuuccckkkssss."

"Hey..." Stan started shyly.

"Yes?"

"Would ya wanna...Iunno. Hang out in person for the next episode? I could cook for us or order somethin. Iunno. Whatever you want."

"Stanley No Silly Business Pines, are you asking me on a date?" Solana asked, happiness very clear in her voice.

"Uh...yeah. I guess if you wanna consider it that?" He said slowly at first but gained a certain air of confidence midway through his statement.

"I'd love to. Buuutttttt, I'd like to go out to dinner if that's okay with you? And we can end up at your place for the rerun of the episode?" she suggested sweetly. The way she spoke just now, Stan assumed she would have fluttered her eyelashes at him if she could. Her voice was too soothing and too convincing to not give her what she asked for.

"Yeah, sure, toots. We can do that. We can iron out details tomorrow or somethin...Iunno."

Solana laughed loudly at Stan trying to act so nonchalant about this whole thing. "Stan, you don't have to act all cool around me. I like you just the way you are."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'm not still gonna do it, Solana." He said her name in a teasing manner, knowing she didn't like being called that in the slightest. But! He figured he could get away with it because of how much she seemed into him at the moment. It was a little bit of a guilty pleasure, making her squirm.

"STAN!" she said loudly, embarrassment so evident.

"Yeah, Solana?" He responded, smirking devilishly.

"Oh my godddddd. You're so annoooyyyiingggg," she whined playfully.

"Not annoying enough for you to leave me alone, toots. You're still gonna be here in the morning. But at least ya can text me now instead of usin that clunky ass dating site."

"Oh, I knooowww. I hate that stupid site. You would think they'd have an app or something," she sighed dramatically.

" I dunno much about apps so I can't say. But, I'm looking forward to your good morning message, Miss Solana," he said with a grin.

Solana's silence could only be interpreted as her being flustered. "Yeah. I'm definitely gonna send you your very first good morning text ever. I have a feeling you've never dealt with women who have manners like that," she joked.

"You're damn right," he joked back.

She laughed at him. She was so happy that he could bounce off her and she could do the same. They had the exact same type of humor and it set her soul ablaze. They hadn't known each other for long but she felt like she had the tiniest bit of a connection with him.

"Good night, Stanley."

"Good night, Solana."

Stan hung up the phone and leaned back in his recliner, laying his phone on his chest. He folded his hands across the top of his stomach and closed his eyes. He didn't realize how tired he was until that moment. He didn't usually stay up this late for the rerun of The Duchess Approves. But it was worth it to get to know Solana a little more and finally get to hear her voice. Her sweet and perky voice. If sunshine had a sound, it would have been exactly what she sounded like. He only hoped that the beauty of her voice and name matched her face.

Just as he was about to drift off into sleep, his eyes popped open and he sat up quickly in terror.

I HAVE A DATE! he thought to himself as he started panicking internally.

[canablist-clown]

"I've been where you are right now, but there are so many people here and all over that care about you and they need you to come back from this. I just couldn't live with myself if I saw even the faintest Chibo spark in your eye that you were going to try something or do this alone or sacrifice yourself or whatever it was. Without saying something. We're going to figure this out.”

“How do I live with not saving everybody? How does anyone live with that? How do I live with sending Jay off alone into an ambush, where she's going to die? How do I take everyone here down into that... Fucking hole When only I'm the one who's supposed to go down there? Nobody else signed a contract. Nobody else handed Ollie that compass, made the deal? Shit, Arlin's only down there because of me. I was falling and it was raining. I slipped and he threw me back up. It's my fault. All of it. “

“What, do you think we're all here just because you signed a stupid piece of paper

and we really want to see you go into a big fucking hole? No. We're here because of you, Chip. Not because of your mission or your past, but because we care about you and we care about each other. You're not making these choices for people. Everyone wants to help. You've just been handed an impossible one. I know. I know. I know. But it's not your fault. It's not your fault.”

“I just wish I could believe it.”

“ You're here and you want to be everywhere but-“

“Gillion. Look at me.” I take off the bandana. “Really, look at me. I'm not even here anymore.”

“I don't believe that. Despite everything, despite what my eyes see, despite what my oath says, I don't believe that. Bandana or no bandana. You're Chip and you're not going to get through this alone, but you're going to get through this. We're going to find a way.”

“How did you know that I was going to go?”

“You made me a promise. No more lies, no more pranks. I guess I just smelled a prank brewing. I can't watch you throw yourself away. You're worth so much more than that. Just wish you could see it.”

“Thanks, Captain.” 

“No problem, Captain. Do what you got to do.”

[maxillness]

╰┈➤Need You Now || JB22 x ex!reader

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption, second chance

Wordcount: 0.8k

She sat on the floor of her living room. Pictures of her and Jenson scattered all around the floor

She tried so hard to fight it, but she ended up reaching for her phone on the coffee table, scrolling down to the contact labelled with his name

It went to voicemail, just like she had expected

“Hey, it’s me… I’m sorry for calling so late, I just-… Sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind… For me it happens all the time. I know it’s a quarter after one, but I’m all alone and I need you now” A tear rolled down her cheek

“I know I said I wouldn’t call, but I’ve lost all control and I need you now” Her voice cracked slightly “And I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now”

She hung up the phone and threw it back onto the coffee table

Jenson sat in his leather chair, another shot of whiskey in his glass

He couldn’t stop looking at the door, wishing she’d come sweeping in the way she did before

Sometime he wonders if he ever crossed her mind. For him it happened all the time

He heard his phone ringing. He looked over at it, her name lighting up on the phone

He didn’t pick it up. He should’ve. He was just thinking about her

He should’ve picked up

He waited until he got the notification she had left a voicemail to pick it up

He heard all of it, his heart aching as he heard her voice crack

After a minute of just sitting there, thinking, he picked up the phone again, calling her back

”Jense?” It was like his whole world had healed itself again as he heard her voice

“Hey” He took a deep breath “I know it’s a quarter after one, and I might be a little bit drunk…” He chuckled slightly, looking up into the ceiling “But, um… Can I come over?” He asked softly

”Not when you’re drunk. I’ll come to you” She sighed, an obvious smile on her lips as she spoke ”I’ll be there in 10 minutes, okay?”

“Yeah. That’s- that’s fine” He said, nodding along his words, trying to hide the excitement in his body

She kept true to her word. 10 minutes later, he opened his door after she had knocked on it

She stepped inside, standing close seeing as the entryway was shallow

He stepped closer to her once the door was closed, her body pressed up against the wall, his lips hovering over hers

“Jense… You’re affected” She Said, pushing softly at his chest to get him to back up

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry” He said softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face

She put her hand on his jaw, his slight stubble scratching against her palm “We can cuddle like we used to, if you want?” She suggested instead

He nodded slightly “Yeah. I’d like that”

They both laid in his bed, Jenson in her arms, his head on her chest, his arms around her waist, her nails dragging along his scalp, soothing him

“You’re here when I wake up, right?” Jenson asked softly, almost a whisper

“Of course I am” She answered in the same volume of tone

“Good. I don’t want you to leave” He sighed, his grip around her tightening

When she woke up, Jenson was still laying in her arms, but his head was now in the crook of her neck, his breath warm against her skin

She smiled softly, almost forgetting that they weren’t together anymore, and this was just because they were both lonely the night prior

She shifted slightly, but it woke him up. He groaned softly, pulling her tighter against his body

Before she could say anything, he had his lips on hers. She kissed back immediately without thinking about it

The kiss was tiredly done and slightly messy, but it really didn’t matter in this moment

“Jense-“ “Let me love you again” His blue eyes were begging, glazed with guilt from how they ended things

“Just give me a chance” He tried again, his hand on the dip of her hip “Let me prove to you that I’m capable of love” His eyes had started swelling with tears

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Jenson” It pained him to hear his name like that. She never called him by his name

“A month. That’s all I’m asking. You can leave again after that. I promise, just a month” He was now sitting up on his knees, looking down at her

She sighed softly “Okay” She gave in

“Thank you so much” He barely got his words out before his lips were back on hers, kissing her tenderly “Breakfast?” He asked softly as he pulled back

“That’s be nice, yes” She nodded

“Eggs and bacon like you like it?” He asked, getting out of the bed

“Like I like it” She chuckled

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea as she thought

[traumaboyexo]

CIRCLES UPON CIRCLES: DOWNHILL

[[[Hey look more fanfic writing for the au called Circles Upon Circles by @ivipl1. This time about my fav character in this au, the lovable intern Ted Italics! Ted I love you please answer my calls]]]

You lie awake, staring up at the shining stars. Watching each of them chatter, scream, shout, swoon. Every single one, almost more insufferable than the last. Every single one, a cluster of disorderly madness driving you insane.

At least you're not doing it in a pool of your own blood.

At least you aren't suffering. Ripped apart again and again. Crushed by weights or bitten by beasts. No pain. Not a one. Your body free of scars and your mind released of agony.

It could be so much worse.

You could be them. The ones who are torn apart. The ones forced to be wise. The ones forced to be amongst the fools. The director who sees the script while dancing with the actors. A burning bloody violent world for each and every single one of them.

How lucky you are. To watch as the people are thrown to the wolves, to watch from above, so safe, so far away, so alone. It's so fantastic that you have this job. Don't you feel grateful? Don't you feel so utterly filled with joy? To know your life shall never become like that? To never have to feel the horrid sensation of death?

To be rid of the nightmares. The wishing. The falling. The failing. The guilt. The time. The walk. The run. The fight. Rid of it all.

You're practically living in a pleasant dream.

A dream that will never end.

Why do you cry? Why do you yearn? Why do you crave?

You don't truly wish to be amongst those riff-raff, do you? The scum, the unfortunate. You used to be one of them. You know the madness. You've seen it firsthand, you've felt it firsthand. And you've said you'd give anything to forget it. To get a new pair of eyes, to replace your broken nerves.

You don't really believe that these happy endings mean anything, do you? That they matter? That these lives or actions or events hold any weight?

The routine is all the same.

To be crushed. To wake. To cycle through and discover. To go forward and backwards. To be annoyed and to be frustrated. To befriend and to bond. To lie and scream. And then, to be together.

All of it nonsense. All of it seen again and again and again. Like an awful cliché.

Just a blip. A blip in your eternity. A blip in your part to play. All of them end the same. All of them are nearly identical. All of them suffer. All of them burn. All of them die. And live. And fall. And smile.

...are you not happy that your life is worth more than theirs?

And then you realise why you cry.

Because you're alone. Not a single friend is with you. Not a single companion to share your burden.

Because there's nobody with you. Because there's no one to smile with. Or laugh with. Or cry with.

It's just you. Alone. With the distant employer you call the Universe.

Not a drop of blood. Not a person in sight.

How long as it been since you'd had a bit of company? That you had someone to talk to that wasn't the insanity of the stars? Someone you could even relate to?

...you can barely remember.

...

Would anyone even hear you?

If you screamed aloud, at the top of your pitiful lungs, into the abyss of space and time, would anyone's ears catch even the slightest of a whisper of it?

If they did, would they care?

...

...perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to try.

...YOU HATE IT ALL. YOU HATE THIS PITIFUL EXISTENCE THAT'S CLAIMED TO BE A LIFE, A GIFT. TO COMPENSATE AS THE "FIRST".

A WRETCHED JOB THAT COMES WITH NOTHING BUT REGRET, JEALOUSY AND SOLITUDE.

YOU ARE BUT AN INTERN. FORCED TO DO THE TASKS NOBODY ELSE WISHES TO PERFORM. UNPAID, UNAPPRECIATED. NOT EVEN A "THANK YOU" TO BE GIVEN OR GIFTED. WITH NO BENEFITS, BUT THE CURSE OF ETERNAL EXISTENCE.

AND EVERYDAY IT BECOMES HARDER TO FIGHT OFF THE ENROACHING MADNESS. TO STOP YOURSELF FROM CURLING INTO A BALL AND GIVING UP. TO STOP YOURSELF FROM TRYING TO RIP INTO YOUR OWN SKULL. YOUR OWN AUGMENTATION FOR SKIN AND FLESH AND BONES. HOPING FOR ANYWAY OUT. HOPING FOR THE DAY IT ALL ENDS.

MAY EVERY WORLD BURN TO NOTHING BUT ASHES AND CINDER. MAY EVERY WORLD CRUMBLE AND CRACK AND DIE. MAY EVERY HAPPY ENDING YOU'VE BLESSED GROW SOUR, BITTER AND COLD. MAY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU BE DEVOURED WHOLE, MAY EVERY SINGLE FAMILY FREEZE AND LEFT TO ROT. MAY ALL THE VOICES FADE INTO SILENCE AND BURN UP LIKE THE STARS THEY WERE MEANT TO BE.

MAYBE THEN THEY'LL KNOW. YOUR WRATH, YOUR ANGER, THE UNJUST NATURE OF YOUR VERY BEING. TO START AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL, FORCED TO WATCH EVERYONE ELSE CLIMB AND REACH THE PEAK AND PLANT THEIR FLAG OF VICTORY.

MAY ALL UNIVERSES CEASE TO BE! MAY ALL ENDINGS BE CURSED! AND MAY ALL SUFFERING LAST ETERNAL! MAY ALL DIRECTORS LOSE THEIR EYES AND BE BLIND FOREVER!

MAY IT ALL BE FOR NOTHING FOR IT TO MEAN SOMETHING TO ME!

...well, that's probably what you'd shout anyways.

You wouldn't know for certain.

You've never been one for long boring monologues.

Back to work.

[aspd-culture]

I wish I had the stereotypical aspd that empaths talk about. The calculative and well groomed businessman who’s incredibly independent even at the cost of other people.

I’m honestly a useless loser. I don’t do anything for anybody yet am livid when they don’t do something for me, 80% of the time I forget or don’t do the tasks I’ve been asked to even if it’s the simplest thing. I pass it off to other people. I get threatened by my parents constantly, called useless and a lazy fuck. I’m not motivated for anything, not employed and the thought of it makes me want to rip my skin off or rip their faces off whenever they mention it. It feels like another extension of control. Everything feels like an extension of control and an excuse to assume power over me.

People in my life are moving ahead of me no problem and I’m still stuck on my ass debating whether to break everything in my parents house when they use my lack of employment and symptoms to make fun of me. My friends talk about it like it’s just so simple to suck it up and march forward and I loathe them for it because they don’t understand.

Maybe this is just me being a whiny brat or a bad person

No, this is you struggling with being in a toxic environment - one that will continue to make you feel like this for as long as your parents act that way towards you. It's not possible to heal and recover and learn to process your symptoms and change your behavior in a toxic situation like that. It's likely keeping you in survival mode.

Truly I think in that situation the best way to get yourself to do the things you would need to do to leave the toxic situation is out of spite. Spite can do a lot for pwASPD when we harness it to use for good, since our PD is so reactive to it. If you think to yourself as though you're talking to them "ha, yeah okay sure I'm getting a job just like you wanted right? Except I'm doing it to get the hell away from you", you might find yourself more able to get to do those things. It's not guaranteed to work, but it's something that might help.

And, if it makes you feel any better, prosocials don't actually like us in that stereotype either AND generally ppl who fit that stereotype are in some other way coping destructively. No one who actually has ASPD is managing to not struggle at all with it bc a disorder can only be diagnosed if it significantly and negatively impacts your life. It's important to remember the stereotypes of this demonized disorder are made out to be supervillains - hyper capable beings who choose to be monsters - bc otherwise the prosocials have to admit that they're bullying people who are hurt and wish we could stop dealing with our symptoms just as much as they wish we didn't have them if not more. It's not fun for them anymore if they think about our actual struggles with ASPD, so they try and make it sound like we're having the time of our lives when none of us do. I promise you're far from alone.

It's also worth noting that if you find yourself entirely unable to work without your mental health destructing, that that's called a disability and there are things you can do to either get accommodations or potentially payment for it bc unlike your parents by the sounds of it, the government understands that mental health is a valid reason one might not be able to work.

You're not a useless loser - you're a person with a disorder that is known to be potentially disabling who is being mistreated and stuck in a toxic environment - at least going by this post.

Plain text below the cut:

No, this is you struggling with being in a toxic environment - one that will continue to make you feel like this for as long as your parents act that way towards you. It's not possible to heal and recover and learn to process your symptoms and change your behavior in a toxic situation like that. It's likely keeping you in survival mode.

Truly I think in that situation the best way to get yourself to do the things you would need to do to leave the toxic situation is out of spite. Spite can do a lot for pwASPD when we harness it to use for good, since our PD is so reactive to it. If you think to yourself as though you're talking to them "ha, yeah okay sure I'm getting a job just like you wanted right? Except I'm doing it to get the hell away from you", you might find yourself more able to get to do those things. It's not guaranteed to work, but it's something that might help.

And, if it makes you feel any better, prosocials don't actually like us in that stereotype either AND generally ppl who fit that stereotype are in some other way coping destructively. No one who actually has ASPD is managing to not struggle at all with it bc a disorder can only be diagnosed if it significantly and negatively impacts your life. It's important to remember the stereotypes of this demonized disorder are made out to be supervillains - hyper capable beings who choose to be monsters - bc otherwise the prosocials have to admit that they're bullying people who are hurt and wish we could stop dealing with our symptoms just as much as they wish we didn't have them if not more. It's not fun for them anymore if they think about our actual struggles with ASPD, so they try and make it sound like we're having the time of our lives when none of us do. I promise you're far from alone.

It's also worth noting that if you find yourself entirely unable to work without your mental health destructing, that that's called a disability and there are things you can do to either get accommodations or potentially payment for it bc unlike your parents by the sounds of it, the government understands that mental health is a valid reason one might not be able to work.

You're not a useless loser - you're a person with a disorder that is known to be potentially disabling who is being mistreated and stuck in a toxic environment - at least going by this post.

[we-ask-beforewe-bite]

Levis: I feel the same. Whatever you need of me, consider it done. Gale: Right now, I need nothing more than a kiss. Then we'll face what is to come, together. And claim the crown when the time comes. Levis: Kiss him. Gale: You put the stars to shame. Let's sit here another while - I want to drink you in.

[ Full transcript ⇩ ]

Gale: I must admit, the Crown of Karsus has occupied my every thought since we learned of it. If we can seize it, and use it... the possibilities are endless. Yet you haven't uttered a peep one way or the other about it. The power to change the world - it may be within our reach. You must have an opinion, surely. Levis: I'm here to support you, no matter what you want. Gale: Thank you. But I owe you more than that. I need to help you understand just what this could mean for us. Words alone are not enough. Permit me to show you. Please, close your eyes a moment. Levis: Close your eyes. Gale: Astra navigabimus. Few mortals ever glimpse what you're about to see. But don't be alarmed - I'm here with you. Now... open your eyes. The Outer Planes. This is where gods dwell. Where they observe us from afar. Where they make play-things of us. They would keep all of this from us - the power, the possibilities. They only want us to serve them, prey to them... and ultimately, die for them. But what if we didn't need them? What if we wielded their power instead, and helped ourselves in all the ways they refuse to. I could make that happen. I could make this illusion a reality, with you by my side. Levis: Are you saying you want to ascend? Claim godhood? Gale: No, not like that. I don't want to join them, I want to better them. A god's powers, paired with a mortal conscience, a mortal heart. The tadpoles, the orb - these threats to our existence - the gods could aid us if they wished, but instead they cower behind Ao. So let us act ourselves. With the power of the crown, any foe would be rendered impotent. Any obstacle would be dwarfed by our might. I used to believe Mystr's forgiveness was worth dying for. But I was wrong. You showed me just how much I have to live for. With you, I forget my goddess. I love you. Tell me you feel the same way. Tell me you want what I want. Please. Levis: I feel the same. Whatever you need of me, consider it done. Gale: Right now, I need nothing more than a kiss. Then we'll face what is to come, together. And claim the crown when the time comes. Levis: Kiss him. Gale: You put the stars to shame. Let's sit here another while - I want to drink you in.