#i wonder if i have mixed affective state

[ramblinseahorsey]

Me: Why r my adhd meds making me feel worse not better :( Also I am the meanest person alive I shall hide in my room and sleep forever from guilt

A few weeks later

*Gets diagnosed with Bipolar* OHHHHHHHH

[sughuru]

are those my clothes?

- gojo satoru x reader & geto suguru x reader

upon realizing his clothes were missing, your boyfriend couldn't help but wonder: who could be the culprit?

genres/warnings: fluff, kinda short tbh

notes: hello again! this was supposed to be a full gojo fic but i got bored so i turned it into short drabbles HAHAHSHA anyways, enjoy! as always, english isn't my first language so ignore grammatical and spelling errors, thank you!

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Gojo Satoru

“Baby,” Satoru yawns as he walks into the kitchen, “have you seen my…” his voice slowly fades as a smirk forms on his lips.

You turned your head and smiled, a pancake spatula in hand, “good morning, love!” As you flipped the pancakes, Satoru just stood there, a smug grin on his face as if he knew something, “what’s so funny?” you ask.

“My hoodie?” 

Realizing what he meant, you hurriedly apologized, "Oh! I'm sorry; it was cold outside, so I borrowed it-" Before you could remove it, he halted you. His expression softened, a gentler look replacing the earlier smirk.

Snaking his arm around your waist, he pulled the hoodie back down, making sure you’re covered up completely, “I was just teasing.” he remarked as he tilted his head, a warm and affectionate look on his face, “it looks better on you anyway.”

Geto Suguru

After an exhausting day of exorcising and eating curses, all Suguru needs is your warm embrace and kisses. As soon as he was done for the day, he bidded farewell to Shoko and Satoru before walking back to his apartment where you were waiting for him.

Suguru opens the door, “I’m home.” he calls out as he takes his shoes off, leaving them by the door. 

Worry took over his whole body when he didn’t hear your usual, “Suguru, you’re home?” or the comforting sounds of you bustling in the kitchen were not heard. An uneasy feeling enveloped his whole body as he encountered the unusual silence.

Worry tightens its grip on him as he hastens to your bedroom. To his relief, he finds you peacefully asleep. A gentle smile spreads across his face, relief washed over him. He shakes his head in self-amusement, grateful for the solace that your presence brings after a day filled with problems.

"Babe," he softly called, catching himself before saying more. He should let you sleep.

With quiet steps, he gently opened the bathroom door to change out of his uniform and into more comfortable attire—his usual white T-shirt and sweatpants. However, as he reached for the familiar clothing, confusion set in.

Where the hell is the shirt? He could’ve sworn he left it in the bathroom this morning.

Returning, he tiptoed toward the bed, mindful not to wake you. Suguru carefully lifted the covers to create some space for himself, but midway through, he halted, a soft "eh?" escaping his lips.

Isn’t that his shirt?

A look of affection replaced the confusion on his face, Suguru gently tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear before settling down beside you. With warmth in his gaze, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close into a comforting embrace. 

This causes you to stir in your sleep, "Suguru...?" you muttered sleepily, your voice carrying a mix of confusion and drowsiness. He had a fond smile on his face.

He kissed your cheek, “go back to sleep, babe.” whispering affectionately.

In a half-awake state, you nodded, leaning into his touch, and peacefully drifted back into slumber. Suguru stayed there, savoring the quiet moment and the warmth of your presence, a serene smile lingering on his lips.

While Suguru chose to overlook the fact that you had borrowed his clothes that day, you were likely to find yourself on the receiving end of his teasing tomorrow. As you peacefully slept, he entertained himself with the prospect of light-hearted banter, silently promising himself a day of playful retaliation.

[animeshotsh]

Chains P2 | Yandere!Alastor x Overlord!Reader x Brother!Husk

Notes: I havent seen the season finale so this may have OOC characters/events/ canon divergence in terms of time.

Warnings: Yandere!Alastor | mentions of blood, fight, violence, cursing | Mentions of Alastor eating habits | grammar mistakes |

Tags: @lorkai

Staying at the hotel has proved to be both, good and bad. Good, because you got to be with your brother everyday, feeling his soul so close made your mood improve a lot. When in the past you would be more cruel, angry and always hissing now you found a part of yourself you thought you had lost. Smiling and purring (the last only with Husk), its was a good Change. You also could see the good the Hotel was making in your Brother. Now sober and less grumpy towards others. Showing sings of trust and affection.

Now the bad, or terrible was that Alastor was always around.

Always.

His shadows could not mix with yours thanks to your power, but they would follow you and then tell Alastor where you were. And Alastor knowing how much you hated him would appear, calling you "sweet" nicknames that made you give him the death stare.

On Alastor part he was trhilled to have you so close and without having to do something for it. He never undertood why you cared for Husk so much but he took it for his advantage, he knew you would not try to pick up a fight with him because of your brother. And seeing you, your eyes showing just how much you wanted nothing more to destory him but could not made him feel things he was not sure what they were but the feeling was not an unpleasent one.

~☆~☆~☆~☆

Husk prepared himself an early drink only for it to be snached form his hands. A glass of milk now replacing it.

He shoot an annoyed look but still decided to drink the milk, he took notice of the fish sandwich you have made for him too.

Oh, you could be so sweet.

"You need Real food" you simply stated, crossing your arms "I can just smell how bad you have been taking care of yourself"

"Im fine, you dont have to worry" Husk dismissed. He did not want you to find out how truly fucked he had been.

"Oh~ I would not say that!! As your owner I had to stand your smell and poor hehaviour. Its nice to have a sweet sister to be around right?" Alastor spook towering over Husk them appearing besides you. "A sister who's soul its tainted but has such a good smell and so powerfull" Alastor was salivating by now "I wonder if you teast such as good as you look my Dear! No other overlord could compare to-" Alastor was stopped when a very pissed Husk trow the rest of the milk towards his face.

"Stop talking about my sister"

"Husk-"

"And what did you just do" The voice of Alastor changed, its shadow getting bigger. His eyes now a deep black with no emotion with his clawns being out and ready to attack Husk.

"I say, dont, talk, about, my, sister," Husk responded his love for you overcoming his fear of Alastor's power. He could crush his soul if he wanted.

In response Alasto's shadow started to grow, his teet got sharper, horns bigger as well as his claws and body. His eyes now a deep black with pupils like radio ones. A green chain appear, showing how Alastor owned Husk's soul.

"My, my, looks like I have left you be too free in here" Alastor sinister voice said pulling Husk towards him who tried to remain emotionless.

"Maybe I should show you what happens when you missbehave" Two claws went for Husk's left eyes ready to pull it out. "Maybe I should pull this thing out and eat it. Let you see how truly bad I can be" he half joked.

Before anything could happen Alastor was pushed hard away from Husk by you. Your own true Demon form now on display. You got bigger, your wings now with a sharp end as well as your tail, your eyes just like Alastor deep black with no pupil. You got two pointed horns as well. And your hands were now with black furr, red claws out.

"Dont fucking dare to hurt my brother" you roared sending off your poker cards to cut off the black tentacles Alastor had called.

He smirked, pulling out his shadows to try and get you down only for them to be vanish when a sudden fire erupet from your hands.

"My dear! This is New, I never know you could control fire!" Alastor said pretty much now into the battle with you forgetting Husk.

A wall was crashed as you two rolled outside the hotel, getting everybody's attention.

Alastor ended on top of you a tentacle firm around your neck, however one of your poker cards was against his neck. Just one move from any of you and both of you would be dead.

"WHAT IS THIS" A very Angry Charlie called, besides her Vaggie came looking just as angry.

Alastor smirked letting you got, going back to his usual form as you did as well.

"Ah Charlie! This was just a small fight between old Friends" Alastor said moving his hand to repair the wall.

"SMALL? You two broke a wall" Vaggie called getting just a smirk from Alastor and a blush from you.

"Im sorry, this wont happen again" you promised seeing Alastor from the corner of your eyes.

"It better not, or you are out" Vaggie finally called. In reality she would prefer for you to stay and Alastor to leave but she knew that saddly they needed the radio Demon in the hotel.

~☆~☆~☆~

As night fell you went to Alastor's room, knocking with Force the door opened revealing himself with a fake suprised look.

"(Y/N) I was not expecting you"

"Lets get to the Point. What can I give an no. Not my soul so you wont hurt my brother"

"Well, you need to know it was his fault" he started getting a hiss from you. "Can you blame me? He trow milk at me, my suit was ruined"

"We both know you were looking for a reaction out of him. Just tell me what you want"

Alastor seemed to think, you were proud and firm. Too proud to negotiate your soul. Even if you loved your brother you knew it would not change much. Sure, Husk would be free but how free? He could very much try and give his soul back to get yours out of Alastor's hand.

"Well, what I was saying was true. I wish to know if you teast as good as you look" he smirked taking your chin in his hand " you might have something to give me"

~☆~☆~☆~☆

Alastor stood in his room. Carefully drinking from a tea cup with a black liquid inside. Besides it a full bottle with the same liquid was.

He closed his eyes, feeling the flavor of your blood. If your blood was like this what would your flesh be like? Could he ever dream on getting a bite from you?

And why did he find the small fight against you so....he had no words. He felt alive full of something he could not understand.

Oh, he had to get your soul somehow. No matter how.

~☆~☆~☆~

[bgomtori]

☆ falling behind - k.th

synopsis - where everyone around you falls in love but you.

-> taehyun x reader

-> strangers to potential lovers, college au!

-> warnings! talks about the inability to fall inlove, yn zones out a lot, mentions of almost dying and being suicidal, alcohol, slowburn

-> note! happy tyun day!! love this man so much :' + laufey is so theraputic, i love her songs sm

love, a complex and profound emotion, an emotion experienced by many at least once in their lifetime. many may find solace in the warmth of shared gazes and the gentleness of intertwined fingers. love is like a canvas painted with the hues of understanding and compassion, where every stroke tells a story of shared excitement, or even bitter arguements. however, not everything is perfect, love can be exhausting and scary. while people yearn for the feeling of affection, some individuals decide to isolate themselves and prevent hurting themselves in the future, and completely destroy the meaning of love.

you sighed at the thought of being attracted to someone romantically, as you listened to your friends' sappy love stories about their partners, you couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy in your heart. when someone confesses their feelings to you, you can't help but feel disgusted, why can't you feel any romantic feelings towards anyone, like a normal human being? were you a robot? why can everyone around you fall for each other but you? your best friends have been in and out of relationships for god knows how many times, but you could only watch that happen. while everyone was falling inlove, you were falling behind.

"the right one will come to you, maybe by then, you'll feel your heart racing faster." ningning reassured you. but how? how would you know how love would feel like? you looked down, feeling devastated about the thought that you may never get married in the future. "don't worry yn! they'll come to you, it may not be in college, but maybe when you start working? who knows, or maybe they're here right now?" giselle exclaimed, trying to be more positive after seeing your gloomy state.

"i've never fallen in love with anyone before, how am i supposed to know how that feels." you groaned, stirring your coffee even though the milk has already been mixed in. "don't worry! the both of us can help you." you looked up from your sad coffee, just to see your friends stare at you with hopeful looks, you couldn't help but chuckle at them.

"fine." you couldn't believe you agreed to something like that, how were you going to find someone to try, or force yourself to fall inlove with. you were an introvert, you barely knew anyone that was in your college, all you did was follow your friend group around campus and laugh along with their jokes. as you left the cafe, walking in the opposite direction of your friends, you couldn't help but wonder how it was like for you to openly like someone, hold hands, or even kiss. the thought made you cringe, hell no, you can't imagine yourself doing that. however, the sound of finally having a shoulder to cry on, and calling someone yours, made you smile to yourself, that must be nice.

you were completely lost in your own world, not even noticing the traffic light infront of you, it was still red. cars quickly zooming past before the green man appears, you were clueless enough to almost step foot onto the busy street, until someone yanked you away, making you shriek in fear. you came back to your senses, finally realising that you were infront of a traffic light, you looked over your shoulder to notice the man holding you back from almost killing yourself. he was quite attractive, despite his outfit being a graphic tee with some sweatpants on, he had a nice face with big eyes.

"are you blind, or suicidal? why would you walk onto a road with oncoming vehicles." his tone was harsh, you could feel him belittling you. "i was lost in my thoughts, sorry.." you spoke barely in a whisper, slightly embarrassed that a stranger had to save you from a tragedy. he finally let go of your bag, walking away into the distant, you stared at his disappearing figure, wondering why he looked so familiar.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

"please yn, let's watch the football finals tonight. don't you wanna support our school." giselle whined, hugging onto your arm. "fine.." you grumbled, you were forced into this, you wanted to go home earlier today after your lecture and rest, but the universe has planned a different fate for you.

"yes! then you're gonna follow us to the after party too." your head turned towards ningning so fast, your head could fly off. "i didn't agree to that." you almost shouted, "nuh uh, you need to socialise, especially since you're in college." ningning gave you a smug look before walking off towards her classroom. you rubbed your head in annoyance, you couldn't believe that you were forced into this, but you were slightly excited, maybe you could find the someone you've been longing for. you quickly shook your head, why would you be thinking about stuff like that now. what are the chances that you would meet your future partner.

"i hate this so much." you mumbled to yourself, taking a seat near the back of the lecture theatre, trying to complete the last few questions of the homework assigned. you hoped that the day would go by faster, so that you could be in the comfort of your own home. yet again, you were occupied by your own thoughts, zoning in and out of lessons, only to be interrupted by the sudden movement at the front of the lecture hall.

"kang taehyun, how many times have you been late to class this month alone." the lecturer complained, taehyun apologised for his tardiness, completely ignoring the lecturers fussing as he made his way to the back of the class, where the only seat available was the one beside you. you stared at his face, trying to make out who he was, he felt familiar.

"oh it's you." he suddenly said, you looked at him with a puzzled expression on your face. that was the guy who saved you yesterday, you blushed at the sudden memory. how embarrassing.. "is this class the reason why you wanted to walk onto oncoming traffic? if it was, i understand." taehyun joked, taking out his laptop from his bag. you rolled your eyes at him, did he really think that you wanted to kill yourself?

"i already told you last night, i was just in my own world, i didn't notice the road infront of me." you retorted, taehyun chuckled at you, bringing his attention back to what the lecturer was teaching. you couldn't help but sneak glances at taehyun, he had to admit that he was fucking attractive, how have you not noticed him before. heck, you didn't even know that he was in your class to begin with. you quickly snapped yourself out of it, trying to focus in class.

"you really zone out a lot." a voice brought you back to reality, you didn't even realise that class had already ended, which part of lesson did you zone out at? "sorry, i think i'm just tired.." you rubbed your heavy lidded eyes, about to leave your seat.

"i'll send you my lecture notes, you gotta repay me though." taehyun stated, you stared at him in confusion, why was he acting so nicely to you? "what are you staring at me for? do you want to fail?" ouch, he was really straightforward. you gave taehyun your email in order for him to email you his notes. you briefly thanked him, walking out of the lecture theatre as fast as you could. you saw your friend group standing in the distance, probably waiting for you, you jogged up to them, giving them an apology for holding up their time.

"what took you so long?" ningning asked, eyeing you suspiciously.

"i zoned out in class, so i needed to get notes from my tablemate, sorry." you explained yourself. ningning gave you a slow nod before pulling you along with her, "well, let's go hang in your dorm before we head out for the match."

not long after, you've been lazing around with ningning and giselle, talking about basic things like what you did during the day, your classes, and obviously, their current partners. you sighed into the palm of your hand, looking down at your phone, scrolling aimlessly on tiktok, nodding your head occassionally at what they had to say.

"i'm so excited to support him later, hey yn, do you want me to introduce some players on the football team to you? i think there's some that may suit you." giselle suddenly questioned, you flinched at the sudden question, shit, you weren't listening at all up till that point.

"it's fine, i'm not looking for anyone right now." you mumbled out your answer, apparently that upsetted giselle, causing her to pout at your words. "you gotta have a look at them, seeing you all single and lonely hurts me too." she whined into your arm, making you cringe a little. you let out a nervous chuckle, pulling her away from your arm, "i'll try."

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

this was definitely new to you, the loud screaming, along with the band blasting in the background felt foreign to you. the stadium was packed with students from your school and the opponent's school. the guys were already warming up on the sideline, getting in their stretches as quickly as possible, looking up at the bleachers time to time to spot their friends, family or partners. you looked at the players from the opposing school, you have to say they looked really tough to play against, hopefulky your school would be able to beat them.

now you scanned the players from your school, but to your luck, you accidentally made eye contact with a certain black haired male, kang taehyun? you really didn't know he was apart of your school's football team. you stared at him with widened eyes, shocked to find him there. he caught your gaze, returning the same surprised look you had before slowly waving at you. you looked around you, maybe he was waving at someone else? ah fuck it, you waved back at him, giving him an awkward smile.

"you know taehyun?" ningning teased, bumping your shoulder as if you successfully flirted with someone. you rolled your eyes, "yea, he's in my class. he was the one who gave me notes earlier today." you bluntly replied.

"ooo, he isn't the type who would help someone so easily." giselle smirked, giving you a knowing glance. you glared at her, no. you and taehyun would never be something like that, he was out of your league, and especially if you may not even feel any romantic attraction, you can never be with taehyun.

"that'll never happen." you whispered out, leaning onto the railings infront of you, staring at taehyun as he runs across the field, dribbling the ball with his foot before passing it over to his teammate. yea, he was kinda attractive, but he was off-limits. you hear chanting from your side of the stadium, before it turned to loud screams of delight. they scored, your school scored. you clapped your hands, smiling at the field infront of you. this was fun, something out of your comfort zone, yet so exhilarating.

the match was extremely close, it was currently a tie between your school and the opposing school, the win for your school was dependent on this singular penalty kick. the whistle was finally blowed, signalling for the penalty kick. the tension was high, the stadium was pin-drop silent, eyes fixated on the ball infront of taehyun. everyone was praying for either a good or bad outcome, taehyun took a deep breath in, backing up from the ball slightly, getting a few jogs in before kicking the ball towards the goal.

there was a brief silence before the referee called for the whistle. the game ended, the crowd roared in happiness, screaming their lungs off. the boys on the field jumped onto taehyun, hugging him.

"holy shit, you just helped us win the entire season, you sick bastard." yeonjun yelled, slightly tearing up. taehyun smiled widely at his teammates, if it weren't for them, he wouldn't be able to score that perfect goal at the end.

"they did so well!" ningning slapped you shoulder, along with giselle, making the two of you hiss in pain. "come on now, let's go to the after party before it gets too crowded." ningning exclaimed, hugging the two of you by the shoulder, pulling you guys towards the taxi stand.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

"let's all get fucking wasted tonight, this win was ours, let's celebrate it." a tall, lean male shouted causing the whole room to burst in screams and cheers. this night was going to be a hectic one.

fuck, but now this was an awkward situation for you. you were sitting at the corner of the room, sipping on the alcoholic beverage you had in hand, snacking on the snacks infront of you. apparently, giselle and ningning left you to take care of their bags while they were off finding their partners, it's even worse that you barely knew anyone here, you only knew their names, but have you spoken to any of them? that was another thing.

you scrolled on your phone, tuning out the obnoxiously loud music that was blasting, you really wanted to leave. you were zoning out from time to time, either that or observing the people around you. pockets of couples dancing with one another, or making out with each other near where the toilets were, gross. you sighed to yourself, this was getting boring, how much longer into the night must you be here? giselle was supposed to introduce some of the football players to you, but guess that was scraped off her agenda.

"zoning off again?" a voice broke your trance, making you jolt in your seat. it was kang taehyun, again.

"you don't seem like the type who would go to parties." taehyun assumed, taking a seat next to you.

"i was forced here." you simply replied, not wanting to socialise with anyone right now. there was awkward silence between the two of you, allowing you to dive into your thoughts again. recently, you realise that you have been seeing taehyun more often than usual, why was that? was it because he saved you from not accidentally killing yourself.

"you wanna leave this place together?"

"excuse me, what?"

"you heard me, wanna ditch this place, i'm getting bored here." taehyun admitted, shrugging his shoulder while waiting for your response. you played around with your fingers, you were getting bored as well, but is it really worth it to leave this place with a guy you barely knew? furthermore, you have two designer bags that were entrusted to you. well fuck it, you're gonna leave with an attractive guy.

"you know what? sure." you stood up, looking down at the male who was staring at you with shocked eyes, taehyun could only chuckle at your actions, pulling you through the crowd. finally, the air didn't feel hot and sticky anymore. the cool breeze hit your skin, making you shiver slightly. you quietly followed behind taehyun to his car, hoping that he wouldn't knock you up in his car or something.

"where are we going?" you asked, your voice was soft, you weren't exactly comfortable with going into a vehicle with a male in it.

"i know a spot, i find you interesting, i wanna get to know you more." taehyun answered, unlocking his car door. you sat in the passenger seat, not knowing what to do. this was so new to you.

"don't feel too uncomfortable, i won't do anything bad." taehyun reassured, reading your exact thoughts. you nodded your head slowly, looking out of the window, taking in the views while softly humming to the music in the background.

"you're not a talker aren't you?" taehyun broke the silence, trying to brighten the tense atmosphere, only to be shot down by your quick, 'yea'. taehyun remained quiet for most of the ride, unable to find topics to talk about.

"what's your view on love?" you suddenly questioned, taehyun was taken aback, he didn't know how to respond to your inquiry. did you always start conversations like that?

"hmm, i think it's quite meaningful?" taehyun was deep in thought, what really was his view on love. he didn't know, it comes and goes for him, he has never experienced real love. "how about you? you must have had a horrible experience to ask me that question." taehyun shot back the question to you. you stared out of the window, unable to form any words, you barely knew this guy, but he seems reliable.

"it sucks."

"what?"

"i think love is hard to understand." you mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed, now you looked like a loser.

"wow, what made you think that." you pursed your lips, opening up to a new person was harder than you expected. "it's better if i don't tell you.."

"why not? don't trust me enough?" you groaned, rolling your eyes in the process, "i barely know who you are, i'm not telling you my personal feelings." he was getting on your nerves, even though he didn't do anything to harm you.

"yet you're sitting in my car, not knowing where i'm bringing you. wow your priorities are set." taehyun sarcastically said, he was right, you remained silent, unable to argue back. "cat got your tongue?" taehyun tease, you could hear the smirk that was adorned on his face.

"just shut up." you scoffed at him, bringing your attention back to the scenary outside. it was empty, too empty for your liking, at this point you felt like you were getting kidnapped. you recited multiple prayers in your head, you haven't even been able to live your cat lady dreams, but now you may be killed by a football player. how sad is that? you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping that maybe a slight nap would be the solution to whatever was happening currently.

"we're here." you stirred from your nap, looking around to check your surroundings. an empty, secluded field, away from the vibrant and bustling city, away from the chaos happening at the party, this was theraputic. the way the wind blew gently into your face, the pretty view of the ocean, plus the night sky embellished with countless stars, the moon's soft glow adds a touch of silver to the tranquil scene.

"you always come here?" you sat next to taehyun, making yourself comfortable as you watched each wave crash onto the rocks below.

"yea, to relieve stress or when i wanna be alone. feels nice right?" taehyun took a deep breath in, the air felt so much cleaner here compared to the polluted air in the city centre. you nodded your head, humming in response, "so why'd you bring me here?"

"nothing in particular, you're quite interesting i guess." taehyun shrugged, his large brown eyes meeting yours, you felt yourself heat up under his intense gaze, what's this feeling? why does it feel so icky, yet so nice..

"so, about earlier, can you tell me why.. why you think love is so complicated." you let out a nervous chuckle after hearing his words, he's going to make fun of you, definitely. "it's kinda embarrassing." you whispered, rubbing your sweaty palms against your thighs.

"i won't judge." taehyun reassured, his eyes speaking to you that he can be trusted. you sighed, comtemplating on whether you should tell him or not, your head was telling you no, but your heart said otherwise.

"i, i don't think i can ever fall for someone romantically, and even if i did, i don't think i'll be able to commit into a relationship." you admitted, your voice was barely a whisper.

"have you tried it with the right person?" taehyun suggested, his eyes now fixated on the glimmering stars in the sky, you continued to gaze at the ocean, knees proped up to your chin, resting your gead on your knees.

"no."

"then that's the problem i guess." taehyun said non-chalantly. "no, but i've not felt any of those sensations you get when you're in love, like butterflies in your stomach, kicking your feet in bed when they reply you. i want to feel those as well, but it's so hard.. seeing all my friends fall in love is so wholesome and it makes me feel happy for them, but what about me? i'm always falling behind." you complained, plucking the grass beneath. you could feel him staring at you, your eyes darting around the empty field as if you were searching for something. his silence was killing you, you shouldn't have said that, the longer the silence was, the more you felt smaller under his piercing gaze.

"sorry–"

"what are you sorry for?" you smacked taehyun's shoulder for interrupting your apology, "let me finish, i'm sorry for suddenly ranting to you like that."

"you're apologising for that? you're cute." taehyun joked, laughing at you. your face started to heat up, how humiliating, you should have shut your mouth from the first place, but that wasn't the thing that bothered you, rather the fact that he called you cute. why was it that when it came out of his mouth, you feel flustered?

"you're just protecting yourself from hurting yourself, there's no wrong in that. even if it means you barely experience what love feels like, it's better to build up your walls than to go through a heartbreak." taehyun looked into your eyes, before looking at the ocean again.

"but experiencing love is better than never being able to have a shoulder to cry on, or rely on. i just want to find someone to love too." you groaned, hoping that it'll make him understand where you're coming from. as much as you supported your friends with their love lives, you've always wanted to have what they have, but your heart shuts this emotion out.

"then wanna try with me?" taehyun suddenly blurted out, his eyes gazing into your now widened eyes. is he insane, does he want to get heartbroken this badly?

"you're not gonna want to be with me." you mumbled, rubbing your fingers against one another.

"but this is my own decision, let's try it. you've not met the right person to love yet, maybe i can be the one." his hands on top of yours, as if he was reassuring you that it was fine to try out love with him. your heart skipped a beat, what is this? why are you feeling so giddy? your lips tugged upwards, "alright." you agreed to his proposal, making taehyun smile to himself, his thumb playing with your hand.

"you know i've noticed you for some time, i've always thought that you were quite cute and interesting." taehyun admitted, his cheeks flushing a light hue of pink that was barely visible under the moonlight.

"what." your jaw dropped, here you were thinking that no one was into you.

"crazy right?" you nodded your head.

"let's go now, it's getting late, i'll send you home." taehyun quickly stood up, pulling you up together with him, walking back to his car, this time hand in hand.

perm taglist! (send an ask to be added) @mrsyawnzzn @tinyelfperson

[bloodlust-1]

A bit of a weird request but my biggest insecurity is my larger vulva and I was wondering if you could write an Astarion smut where Tav is too insecure to initiate with Astarion due to that insecurity and him comforting Tav

My new obsession is adding stretch mark details bc that’s what I have, But! Ofc, all bodies have different shapes and sizes (And that isn’t stopping Astarion), soo let’s get into itttt.

Hope you like it anon!

・ “Let me see”・

Astarion x fem Tav — Explicit 18+

Summary: Being naked in front of Astarion - For him to see? It was all too vulnerable for Tav’s insecurities. But Astarion boldly displays Tav, legs spread, for his admiration.

T/W: Smut!

Notes: There’s something so therapeutic when a lover just *Loves* your body even when you’re insecure.

Astarion flung the doors of Tav's room open with a loud bang. Tav jumped in her seat just to see Astarion storming in with a determined look on his face. His brow was furrowed in frustration and his eyes held a hint of irritation.

Tav sat at an old wooden desk looking at a map of different quests marked in scribbles and dots. Needless to say, Their group was lucky enough to find an abandoned cabin with strong bones to even stand.

Astarion came to a stop in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest, "What's going on?" Astarion demanded.

He leaned in, his hands gripping the edges of her old wooden desk as he peered down at her with intensity. "Why are you avoiding me?" the rush of nerves coursed through Tav, and she felt the sting of his frustration.

There was a slight gloss cast over Astarion's eyes. Under all the frustration, he was truly worried. Remorse sank in, Tav knew that she had been keeping to herself and causing Astarion distress. After all, she was well aware of how important she was to him.

"I-I'm not avoiding you," she stammered, her eyes darting to the map on her desk. "I've just been busy trying to plan our next move. You know, with all these quests we need to complete."

The real reason why she ran away from Astarion was because of her own insecurities.

As Tav and Astarion grew closer, she worried that if things became too physical, he would see all of her flaws and imperfections. The stretch marks, scars, and the biggest insecurity between her legs would be on full display.

Tav was terrified of his reaction. The thought of him seeing her in such a vulnerable state made her want to run and hide.

Astarion, on the other hand, seemed to have no bounds. He desired a deeper level of intimacy with her, but Tav's insecurities were holding her back. She couldn't shake the feeling that he would see her differently, and her larger proportions only intensified that fear.

Tav wanted to give into his touch, but her insecurities were constantly tugging at her will.

Astarion let out a frustrated sigh, his gaze softening slightly. "We both know that's not true," he said, his voice gentle now. "Just tell me what I did wrong, love, so we can fix this already. It's driving me insane."

Tav's heart swelled at his words. She felt terrible for neglecting their relationship. She turned to face him fully, her eyes meeting his with a mix of regret and affection.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, placing a hand on top of his. "I didn't mean to push you away. I've just been so focused on the wrong things lately... I see how wrong I am now."

His angered demeanor softened, "But why? I was worried you were having second thoughts about us."

"Astarion, I never second guessed what we have."

"Then tell me why you were avoiding me."

Tav felt a cold sweat chill up her back. She wasn't expecting him to hound in so deep on this question. But she knew she couldn't keep hiding these insecurities from him, it would only push them away more.

With a determined sigh, Tav parted her lips, closing her eyes to avoid seeing his reaction, "I'm really nervous about having sex with you because I'm insecure about my body." She paused for a moment and took in a small breath. "I want to be completely open and vulnerable with you, but I'm afraid you won't find me attractive."

He scuffed, "That's Impossible." Astarion straightened his back before walking over to Tav's chair. He forcefully pushed the leg of the chair so that it was facing him.

Astarion grabbed Tav's waist and lifted her up onto the desk, causing a loud clatter as he swept everything off to the floor. The sound of clinking and clattering echoed through the room, but Astarion paid no mind to it.

"If only I knew this earlier...I would kiss every inch of your body until those insecurities were no longer."

Tav tilted her head away from his gaze as his face inched closer to hers, "I felt like you might've judged me..."

Astarion grabbed Tav's jaw tightly enough to force her face straight into his, "I have a contract carved into my back for fucks sake. Nothing is more uglier than this." Astarion let out an airy chuckle before locking eyes with her. "What is bothering you so much, my love?"

Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. Well - here goes nothing. "Down there - it doesn't look...pretty."

A sly grin spread across his face, pulling at the corners of his lips. "I couldn't disagree more."

Tav's eyes widened -

His slender fingers danced down the curves of Tav's body, and a teasing smile played across his lips. "You think it isn't pretty?" he whispered, his touch sending shivers down her spine.

Tav's body went tense from the sudden touches. But before she could protest, his fingers settled on her hips, holding Tav in place.

"And yet," Astarion continued, his voice low and playful, "it's probably the most perfect part of you." His words made Tav's heart skip a beat. "I'm sure of this," Astarion affirmed, his gaze intense as he met her eyes.

Tav's face burned hot, feeling both flattered and embarrassed at the same time. But in that moment, with his fingers on her hips and his words in her ears, Tav felt a little piece of confidence.

With a firm grip, Astarion grasped Tav's jaw, his fingers curling tightly around her cheeks. Desire burned in his eyes as he tilted her head back.

With a gentle yet forceful touch, Astarion exposed her nape, his lips trailing hot kisses along the side of Tav's neck.

Tav closed her eyes, completely under his control. His touch was intoxicating and she found herself craving it more and more. With each kiss, Tav's body melted into his, completely surrendering to his embrace.

An airy breath escaped Tav's lips while Astarion found his hands groping the pudge of her hips and ass. Tav nibbled on his lower lip as he tried to pull away from the kiss.

A mischievous chuckle escaped Astarion's lips. He was pulled back into the kiss playfully. But as their lips met again, he couldn't help but become serious, his eyes filled with a glint of excitement. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Tav and Astarion were lost in their own world, their bodies entwined, their heat exuding off each other. And as they finally pulled away, both of them were left breathless.

"May I?" Astarion tugged at the hem of Tav's blouse.

Tav nodded softly.

Astarion pulled her blouse off, unclipped her bra, and tossed it to the side of the room. There was a small pause as his eyes traced over her bare chest, admiring it. His fingers softly graced Tav's skin gently, allowing his eyes to follow wherever his hands explored.

"You're stunning." He whispered while he fondled her breasts. Astarion was content with the simple pleasure of watching Tav squirm beneath his touch.

And as Tav's whimpers turned into moans he knew that they wanted each other, badly. Astarion leaned over and pressed hungry kisses against Tav's chest.

His breath deepened and he eagerly pulled off Tav’s pants and panties. He stripped Tav of her clothes until her shoulders tensed up, her eyes becoming watery, "I-I feel a bit shy." She thought again of her insecurity.

"Shhh…it’s okay." He gently guided Tav to lay back on the desk, his hands supporting her as she surrendered to his touch. “Just stop me if you get too uncomfortable, my love.”

He took in her naked body. He marveled at the sight before him. Every curve of her body was perfectly accentuated, like a work of art crafted by the gods themselves. He traced his fingers over every scar and mark.

As he gazed at her, he couldn't help but think that Tav resembled the women depicted in ancient statues, their bodies bare and curvy, their beauty immortalized for all to see. In that moment, Tav was just as breathtaking.

With each touch and caress, Astarion admired her. His hands dragged down her stomach while he kneeled in front of the desk. His thumb ran in between her folds, and it rested on her clit. He circled his thumb, pleased to hear the moans that flowed out Tav's mouth.

“Is this why you were so worked up?” He stared at Tav’s core, continuing to rub it. His mouth watered just staring at her.

From Tav’s pov, she saw his long pale arms caressing her lower body. It was gentle, but confident in his movements and it sent shivers up her back.

“Yes…” Tav shamefully admitted between the tingly sensation Astarion was sending up her spine. It was some what embarrassing for her, but he seemed to be completely taken aback from her body.

“Let me see -“ his hands rested on her knees, pushing them wider so that Tav was completely displayed naked in front of him.

His mouth inch closer and pushed a kiss against her clit, “You’re the prettiest when you’re like this. Legs spread apart for me to taste.”

Tav went silent, only the heavy breathing of her chest rising and falling was heard.

Again, Astarion placed a kiss over her core, pressing hot air against her each time he exhaled. He lingered longer, and his mouth started to move in wider kisses.

His tongue teased her folds until it found the perfect spot of her clit. Once found, Astarion hooked his arms around her thighs and pulled Tav deeper into his mouth.

A sharp tingle like electricity spread through out Tav’s body. Her mouth hanged opened as small moans filled the room. For the moment Tav closed her eyes and melted away into Astarion’s bliss.

His tongue was precise and flicked steadily in Tav’s most sensitive spot. Her hips bucked each time she felt the intensity of pleasure, but he pulled away each time. He wanted Tav to last long, and he wanted to taste her for as long as he could.

“You taste as good as you look, darling.” His husky voice tickled Tav’s inner thighs and it melted her heart, his compliments. He truly knew exactly what she wanted to hear.

His dragged his tongue softly against Tav’s core, “This is what held you back for so long?”

Tav proper herself up with her elbows, “It did.” Her eyes were hazy yet a tinge of sadness.

He shook his head in disagreement and click his tongue, “It’s perfect. And you’re perfect.” His red eyes intensified his gaze, “Stay right there. I’ll show you just how delicious you are.”

With a rough hold Astarion dug his fingers into Tav’s thighs. He buried his face between her legs and fuck - It sent Tav into a moaning mess.

“Mmh! Astarion-“ her voice cracked and trembled.

Tav arched her back, her hands gripping Astarion’s white curls as he flicked his tongue over her sensitive clit. Each touch sent waves of pleasure through her body, making her moan and whimper with need.

He continued to tease and please her, his fingers joining in to add to the sensation. Tav felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge, her body trembling with anticipation.

Finally, with one last flick of Astarion’s tongue, she climaced, her body trembled with the force of her release. Astarion sucked every drop of her essence, slowly bringing her down from her high.

As she caught her breath, she looked down at him with gratitude and desire. He smiled up at her, his face glistening with her juices.

So no, it may not be "pretty" in Tav's mind, but to Astarion, it was the most perfect part of her. And that, my dear, is all that truly matters.

Any thoughts? Comment 👇🏼 I love to engage!

[changbunnies]

Slow Bloom, (18+)

♡ Pairing: Inexperienced!Changbin x Experienced Fem!Reader

♡ Genre: fluff and smut with a lil plot <3 a tiny bit of angst during the build up but it doesn't last long at all!

♡ Word Count: 8.5k

♡ Summary: In which a misunderstanding while cuddling leads to discovering exactly how Changbin feels about you.

♡ Smut Warnings: not intended to have overt dom/sub dynamics but i may have written bin a bit subby lol oops, references to porn watching, kinda pervy bin?, his lack of experience is not outright stated to the reader as it is implied that they already know, nipple play, thigh grinding / humping, fingering (f rec), protected piv

♡ Notes: so quite a few ppl showed interest in an inexperienced binnie fic after i posted my inexperienced chan fic and i am here to deliver <3 this was also the perfect break from the longer, more plot heavy fics i've been working on as this took a lot less mental effort :') i hope you enjoy this while waiting for those!

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

There aren't many things in life that make Changbin nervous. 

He navigates the world with security and confidence, sure of himself and in the actions he takes. He can speak in tense or awkward situations with relative ease, nerves never eat him up in social settings, and he's never afraid to speak his mind or do what he wishes to. 

But then there's you. You, while laying in bed next to him with an arm draped over his body and one of your legs tucked between his, make him extremely, effortlessly nervous.

It wasn't always this way; at least, not as far as he can remember. You've been friends since forever, and closeness such as this is par for the course. He's used to impromptu sleepovers, to you making yourself comfy in his space, tossing your belongings to the floor without a care before you take over his bed. 

He's used to cuddling while watching tv, to squeezing each other into tight hugs, to limbs tangled under blankets. He's used to the lingering smell of your shampoo mixed with perfume, used to the feeling of your breath tickling his skin when you pull him close, to the feeling of your soft skin beneath his fingertips. 

He's used to it, and it doesn't affect him; or so he thought.

Somewhere along the line, something within him shifted. Whether the reason lies with you or with himself, he doesn't entirely know. What he does know is that he no longer sees you the same way he did when you were growing up together. And it wasn't until that shift occurred that he realized maybe "your friend" isn't the only thing he wants to be. 

Maybe it's a natural, gradual progression from where you both began, a shift in desire brought on by new maturity and life experience. Maybe you've been this radiant and beautiful since the very first day you met, but he was too young and oblivious to realize it then. 

Maybe it's because of that strange, sharp and twisting feeling in his gut every time he sees you with a new partner. If it wasn't for you showing interest in other people, would he have ever realized at all that what he feels for you transcends what he feels in his other friendships? 

While he loves his other friends, he doesn't get jealous when they bring a new partner around, or talk about their love life to him. He doesn't spend every night lying awake thinking about them, nor does he wonder what it'd be like to kiss them. He doesn't dream about seeing their bare skin, or about touching them, about them touching him.

He doesn't imagine their tongue lavishing over him, or of returning the favor to them. He doesn't fantasize about them in dirty, naughty scenarios, during his private moments in bed or in the shower. You occupy his every thought, to the point that even while watching porn he has to close his eyes and imagine it's you making those sounds instead, replacing the scene before him with a mental image of you and him together. 

That's what makes Changbin especially nervous right now. You're cuddled up to him, as you always are when you spend the night at his place, but he can't get his brain to please shut the fuck up and stop pushing him to the brink of embarrassing himself. 

He needs to stop thinking about the placement of your hand on his stomach, just above his waistband. He can't linger on the fact that your tits are pressed against him while you hug him, or about how pleasant the soft, content sighs that leave you sound to his ears.

If he thinks about any of it, he'll get hard- and that'll easily be the most mortifying moment of his life, because you would definitely notice with the way your leg is snaked between his and resting between his thighs. It's moments like this when he misses the days of innocence- when cuddling with you like this didn't feel quite so intimate.

He makes a conscious effort to focus harder on the tv in front of you both, playing some sitcom he has long since stopped paying attention to. He guesses the jokes are landing if your occasional giggles are any sign, but if you asked his opinion on anything going on he wouldn't be able to answer. Changbin has never been the type of person who was easily able to divide his attention, but God, does he fucking try.

Because if you realize he's getting hard, and you feel it, there are very few scenarios he can imagine where you're okay with it. And if you decide to question him on it, he'd be done for- because there's no way he'd be able to outright deny his attraction to you. Playing it off would feel too much like lying, and this is not the kind of scenario he imagines when he thinks about the way he'll admit his feelings to you.

You've noticed since the beginning that his body has been tense; you've been cuddling since you were young, and you're more than familiar with how he feels when he's relaxed. It's almost amazing how someone so muscular can still feel so soft when their body is at rest- and right now you can't help but notice that he feels very far from soft. 

You tried to ignore it and focus on the show you're watching, and it worked for some time, but the longer he stays tense the more you can't help but wonder if you've been bothering him lately. It's become a growing pattern- you touch Changbin, in some ways small and menial like a passing tap to his arm as you slip past him in the kitchen, or large, in which you hug him tight and envelop him with your entire body.

Either way, the reaction is the same; he instantly tenses. You're not sure if he intends to do so, or if it's an unconscious reaction he doesn't even realize he's doing, but it hasn't gone unnoticed by you. The two of you have always been a match when it comes to being clingy and affectionate, but maybe that isn't the kind of attention he wants to get from you anymore. 

Are you being overbearing? Did you unintentionally do something wrong? Maybe he wants to distance himself from you but is just either too nice or too scared to say it out loud and hurt your feelings. 

When you tilt your head to look at him, his cheeks are pinker than they were just moments ago, with his gaze fixed solely on the tv. You're sure he can feel you looking at him, but he doesn't turn his head to meet your eyes. You want to believe he's just really engrossed in the show, but you can't help but doubt it. You know him, and you're certain that for whatever reason, he's avoiding your gaze. 

"Am I bothering you?" you ask abruptly, and perhaps a bit more vulnerable than you would've liked. Not that you can help it, really; you just really care about Changbin, and you can't stand not knowing if you've done something to upset him or make him want to separate himself from you. You have to know, because you can't stand it any longer. 

"What? No, I- what?" Changbin finally looks at you, furrowed brows peeking out between strands of his long, messy curls. You didn't expect him to be so surprised by your question; admittedly, it is sudden, but this has been building for weeks hasn't it? You thought he'd be relieved that you're bringing it up first so that he doesn't have to.

You've never been happier to be wrong, or to see such genuine confusion on his face. Thank God. "Sorry, I just.. You've been acting different lately, and I thought that maybe it was because I did something wrong," you explain, following it with a small, awkward laugh.

Really, you're relieved; at the same time however, you do feel a bit embarrassed and silly to have been questioning what's been happening with him now that he's so clearly taken aback. You jumped to conclusions and got a bit ahead of yourself, it’s true- but.. If that’s not it, then what is it?

Surely there’s a reason- his behavior wouldn’t have changed if everything is really the same as it's always been. If nothing's wrong, why does he tense up every time you try to act affectionate with him? Why does he hesitate to meet your gaze when he never had a problem doing so before? Why does it always feel like he's putting distance between you? 

Changbin swallows, you notice- a nervous response that you guess is from putting him on the spot. Because if it's not what you've been thinking, you need to be provided with another explanation- an explanation that only he can offer you. He needs to clear up this misunderstanding if he doesn't want you to wrongfully think you've done wrong by him, but what can he say that also omits the truth he isn't ready to admit? 

His cheeks grow pinker, and you can tell he's struggling to find words- something you'd typically never expect to see in your charismatic best friend. You've untangled yourself from him enough to lift yourself up, weight propped up by your elbow while you look directly in his eyes. He's slightly beneath you at this angle, eyes having to travel up to meet your own, and again he swallows. 

He's so fucked. There's nothing he can say right now other than "I really fucking like you and being this close to you all the time is making me crazy."

But he can't actually say that. Changbin wants his confession to come with a grand, romantic gesture. He wants to say the sweetest, more perfect words he can come up with. He wants to be a man of action, someone as cool as they are sincere, someone who can make you swoon with suave, but genuine effort. Admitting his feelings to you now, like this, would be the furthest thing from charming, or cool, or perfect. 

As if all of that wasn't enough, now he has to make a conscious effort to not let his eyes wander down to look at your chest- because he's been chubbing up since the moment you started cuddling, and if he catches a glimpse of your cleavage now, he's done for. It feels vaguely pathetic to be this affected by you when you don't even realize you're doing it to him. 

Changbin's eyes act against the purposeful efforts of his brain and travel to your chest, met overtly with the sight of your breasts pressed together. Fuck. He looks back up to your face quickly, hoping you haven't noticed where his eyes wandered. He wishes he could reach between your bodies and discreetly adjust his pants to hide his growing erection, but he can't, and God help him, you're going to notice any second now. 

And you're looking at him so sweetly and earnestly, patient and caring, totally unaware of what you're doing to him and what his actual struggle is. He wants to clear everything up, doesn't want you to feel like the fault of what he's going through lies with you, he wants to answer every question you have, he really does- but he's found himself in a vicious cycle. 

Trying not to think about the position you're both in, of how pretty you are looking down at him, or of your chest that he can't seem to ignore despite how badly he needs to focus on anything else just makes him dwell on it even more. The more he tries not to, the more space it takes up in his mind, until it's entirely clouded, preventing him from conjuring a thought worthy of being spoken to you. 

Fuck thinking of an excuse or explanation, he can't think of anything other than your tits being so close to his face. He wants nothing more than to kiss them, to feel your fingers running through his hair as he sticks his tongue out to lick your nipples, has thought about squeezing them between his palms so many times. 

So can he offer you a reasonable enough excuse that hides the truth of the matter? Absolutely fucking not- not when all he can think about is how you'd feel and taste. "Changbin?" your questioning voice snaps him out of it, looking up at you like a deer caught in headlights behind his thick rimmed glasses. 

He looks guilty, face entirely flushed red all the way to the tips of his ears. And you're convinced now that he was trying to spare your feelings, and was stuck on finding the right way to break it to you. He didn't know what to say, and was trying so desperately to think of something that wouldn't crush you.

He can see the hurt wash over you, and he opens his mouth, ready to blurt out anything in a futile attempt at damage control, but you're already speaking before he even gets the chance to try. "You don't have to spare my feelings, you can be honest, just tell me-" you say as you start to push yourself away from him, very clearly misunderstanding the situation that's been unfolding. 

Before he can even begin to figure out if he should be relieved or devastated by your incorrect assumptions hiding what he feels, the process of moving your leg from between his causes him to let out a gasp that takes you both by surprise. You feel it- his semi-hard erection brushes against your leg as you attempt to move it out from between his thighs. 

"Oh," is suddenly all you can manage to say. Is Changbin attracted to you..? Is that why for months he's slowly but surely become so different in your presence? When you look back to him, he's covered his face with his hands over his glasses, his pouty bottom lip quivering in what you can only assume to be mortification over his body betraying him. 

The question now is, is this simply a physical reaction to being close or something more than that? Would it happen to him no matter who was pressed against him, or is it you in particular that causes his body to react this way? You won't know until he tells you, but you hope more than anything he wants you as much as you've always wanted him.

The idea that he may view you romantically is not something you ever allowed yourself to consider a possibility, but oh, how you've wanted it. Changbin has always been perfect to you; a gentleman in all aspects, attentive, considerate, thoughtful, your very best friend. You always thought you'd be lucky if someone like him were to love you, and you always held your partners to the standard he showed you. 

You thought that even if you couldn't have Changbin, you could at least have someone like him; and while no one ever made you feel the way he does, disappointing you in one way or another, you still tried. Perhaps it was unfair, as no one can compare to Changbin, but if he wants you then you'll take him in a heartbeat, no questions asked. Even when it wasn't entirely conscious to you, your heart has always belonged to him. 

He flinches when you call his name again; your tone is soft, but he's still afraid to meet your gaze and discover what kind of expression is on your face. He thinks he'll die if he sees anything even remotely resembling disgust or anger. He cares about you so much, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if you lost your trust in him because of this. 

You reach for his hands, and despite his nerves threatening to eat him alive for perhaps the first time in his life, he lets you take his hands away from his face. The apprehension in his eyes is clear, though there's a flash of relief when he can see that you're not upset with him. "I'm sorry, really," he blurts out quickly, feeling like he should apologize even if you aren't going to chastise him for getting hard simply from being close to you. 

“Does this happen a lot when we..?” you ask, watching as his blush spreads down his neck while he hesitantly nods. You’ve never seen him so red and shy before- and honestly, you like it. You’ve always considered Changbin to be cute, but this is cute on an entirely different level. You hope this won’t be the only time you get to see him this way. But before that can happen, you have a more pressing question to ask him.

"Do you want me to help you?" is the next question to leave you, and fucking hell, does that send him reeling. He can’t believe this is really happening, that you’re even asking him so casually. And while it isn’t the way he pictured something happening between you after his many months of pining, he could never say no to you- he's been obsessively thinking about you all this time, how could he say anything but yes?

Still, he hesitates regardless; not because he's unsure about continuing, or because he doesn't want to, but because what if it means different things for the two of you? For Changbin, it'd be everything. You're the only person he's ever liked this much, he might even be in love with you, and he doesn't think he'd be able to recover from having a casual fling with you. He'd never be able to go back to before and pretend he doesn't feel as much for you as he does.

"If you say no, we can pretend this never happened," you assure him when you see the nervous hesitance in his eyes. It's not what you'd want to hear, but he deserves to be offered an out if he needs it; because as much as you want him, you don't want him to feel stuck and uncomfortable. And then you continue, hoping more than anything that he shares the sentiment of your next words, "But I think you should know, I really like you, Binnie. And I'll be really happy if you say yes." 

With your admission, all his doubts and fears are cleared in an instant. Really, that's all he needed to hear to be sure what he plans to say next is the right thing to say to you. It's not how he ever intended to ask you this question, but he’d never dream of passing up the opportunity presented to him- the opportunity to be yours, and for you to be his in turn. "If I say yes, will you be my girlfriend?"

He’s smiling, sweet and cute as he asks, and it makes you smile too- because this is much more like the Changbin you know and love. He giggles when you accept, and as the word "boyfriend" leaves you in reference to him, absolutely giddy to finally be yours. Maybe this is better than the way he always pictured it would happen; because this is more organically you, what is more natural to your dynamic and the care you have for each other.

Leaning down, you softly press your lips to his, and even just a gesture so small is enough to spread goosebumps over his skin. It's so soft, slow, every sensation lingering even as you pull away to take a breath before kissing him again. No kiss he's ever had before compares to how it feels to kiss you; he doesn't think he's ever felt as positively electric as he does right now.

Is it normal for every touch of your lips to make him tremble so much? And his heart is already beating so fast, thumping loudly against his chest with each additional kiss and tracing touch of your fingers over his body. Down his arms, over his chest, underneath his shirt and across his stomach- all of it adds to the sparks in his veins. 

His hands explore you too- eager, and a bit clumsy, but you find his enthusiasm infectious. He's so perfectly warm and soft, and you can't resist the urge to squeeze him in your hands- his soft tummy, his love handles, his defined pecs; you squeeze everywhere your hands can reach. Changbin lets out a soft, surprised squeak the first time, but he quickly grows used to it, and finds himself mimicking the way you touch him. 

He starts with the leg not tucked between his thighs, hand trailing up and down the length of it before he squeezes. Then he moves on to your hips before traveling to your backside, then your waist, and finally your breasts. Even just feeling them over your clothes excites him beyond words, eager and happy to be touching you like he's dreamed of so many times before.

He likes the pleased hums and sighs you let out almost more than he likes the act of squeezing you in his palms, each sound just as pretty and soft as you are. He shivers when he feels your tongue swipe across his bottom lip, and he eagerly parts his lips for you. Your tongue slipping inside his mouth and swirling around his own makes him practically vibrate with desire for more.

Changbin follows you when you start to pull away from the kiss, eyes remaining closed for several seconds before he finally opens them to look at you. His pretty lips, still wet and parted, turn into a pout when you've gone further than he can still reach. His pout vanishes, however, when you start to pull up your shirt, and it makes you giggle; he really is just so cute. 

You weren't wearing a bra beneath your shirt- you never do when you're relaxing before going to bed, even at Changbin's place. You always felt comfortable enough around him that you didn't feel like you had to sacrifice your comfort during your sleepovers, assured in the fact that he'd always be respectful towards you even if he happened to notice.

And while you're comfortable and confident, there's still a certain tinge of nervousness that bubbles up in the back of your mind that comes from being exposed to his eyes now. Tits are pretty- doesn't matter who they're on, or what shape they're in, they always look good; but it's almost funny how simply showing them to the person you like so much makes you nervous regardless of this fact.

You're not ashamed to say you've slept with a lot of people, and that a majority of said people have seen you completely bare- but there's none you've ever liked quite as much or in the same way that you like Changbin. It makes it more intimate somehow, so real, and you suppose that's the part that makes you nervous.

But oh, how his gaze fills your stomach with butterflies- because you don't think anyone's ever looked at you the way he is right now, with eyes sparkling in awe as he takes the sight of you in. He looks at you with pure wonder and adoration, in a way that is as sweet as it is full of lust and desire.

In his eyes, you may as well be one of the 7 wonders of the world- something worthy of reverence and worship. He'd do it if you'd let him- worship you until the sky itself falls and everything around the two of you crumbles. He'll show you in any way he can, with every kiss and every touch, that you always have been and always will be the only one for him.

"Can- Can I touch them? Please?" he asks, polite, sweet, and full of hope that you won't deny him. It's a little funny, considering how just moments ago he was touching you all over- but it's sweet too, how considerate he's trying to be now that you're bare before him despite how eager and worked up he is.

And really, you'd never dream of denying him anything- but you do have a request of your own to make too. "If you take your shirt off for me first," you tell him, fingers ghosting over his torso, "I want to touch you too, want to see every inch of you."

"Oh," he blinks, his cock that has been semi-hard for the better part of an hour stiffening more as it twitches in response to your words. "Yeah- yeah, of course, want you to touch me too," he finally breathes, wasting no time in lifting his back off the bed to pull his shirt up and over his head.

You giggle at the urgency in which he gets his shirt off, and he smiles back at you when he falls back against the bed. He knows he's eager and excitable, and he has no shame in showing it- he's wanted you way too much and for way too long to act like this is just a typical Saturday night for him.

Even if he makes a fool of himself, he'll be happy and it'll be worth it- because it's you he's doing it for, doing it with, and that's all he's ever needed. "You're so cute, Binnie," you tell him, and he smiles brighter, cutely scrunching his nose that way you love so much, and does whenever he's truly happy.

His hands reach for you first, cupping your breasts with an adorable pout of concentration and determination on his face. He's careful with his squeezes, well aware of how strong his grip can be and not wanting at all to hurt you. He rubs over your nipples with his thumbs, and then between his fingers, licking his lips as he watches them get hard enough to gently roll them.

He looks to you for approval, blinking up at you with hope for praise and affirmation that you like it, that he's doing it right. It makes you want to coo at him- but you resist, and simply reach your hand to his cheek, stroking it with your thumb as you instruct him to keep going. He all but melts into your touch, nuzzling his cheek into your palm and closing his eyes for just a moment to relish in it before he continues.

Changbin sticks his tongue out next, watching you carefully as he brings it to one of your pebbled nipples. You meet him halfway so he doesn't have to strain his neck from lifting it off the pillow, leaning closer to his face as you move your hand to thread your fingers through his curls.

His eyes stay on you as he alternates between where he licks, one of his hands always playing with the nipple that his mouth isn't giving attention to. The moan you let out when he sucks one into his mouth makes his cock throb, and truly, he's never felt as blessed as he does right now, with one of his many fantasies finally becoming a reality.

Still, he's thirsty for more- he wants to feel you everywhere, to hear your pretty voice sing him praises, to become so absorbed in each other's pleasure that everything else in the world fall away. He wants to envelop you with his body, he wants your touch to consume him, he wants you to both be equally messy and dirty and engrossed in bliss.

"Touch me now, please, anywhere, want you to," he pleads after releasing your nipple from his mouth with a small pop. His face is flushed the prettiest shade of pink, dark eyes soft and pleading behind his glasses, lips wet and hair a mess- you don't think you've ever seen anything more perfect and alluring than this.

It makes you want to dote on him, and you'll do just that- especially if it's something he wants as badly as you. "Anything for you," you oblige, giving him a quick, sweet peck to the top of his head before your hands are once again traveling over his body. You scoot down just enough to be able to reach his neck, pressing kisses beneath his ear before trailing them down.

Changbin intended to keep playing with your chest as you touched him, but he quickly loses focus, sucking in a breath and eyes fluttering closed as your tongue presses against his sweet spot. It's almost overwhelming for him- your hands squeezing the thick muscle of his arms and pecs while you tongue dotes on him, body squirming when your teeth lightly graze over the sensitive skin near his pulse point.

Similar to when you first squeezed him in your hands earlier, another squeak of surprise escapes him when you brush your thumbs over his exposed nipples- you guess no one's ever done that to him before. You hesitate a moment before repeating the action, wanting first to make sure it's something he's open to experiencing again. He's biting his lip and looking at you not with apprehension like you half expected to see, but curiosity and excitement.

So you do it again, and he gasps, back arching off the bed as his teeth sink further into his bottom lip. Fuck, he never thought he'd be so sensitive there- and he whines from deep in his throat when you comment on it. "You're so sensitive, Bin," you whisper in near awe, and he's half tempted to cover his mouth with his hand to suppress the moan you threaten to bring out of him with your soft fingers.

His cock is the hardest he thinks it's possibly ever been. You can feel it prodding against your thigh, and poor Changbin, he's so worked up and eager for stimulation that he can't help but grind it against you as you continue to rub his nipples between your fingers. In a different scenario, it'd be the bed or his own hand he'd be helplessly rutting against- but your thigh is all he has access to.

It makes him feel positively dirty, naughty, but he can't stop- even when the friction from the fabric of his clothes overwhelms him, his hips don't stop moving against you. You look down between your bodies, watch the wet patch on his pants grow as he continues to rut against your thigh.

You want to take one of his nipples into your mouth, but you don't want him to lose the friction against you- so you bend carefully, conscious of keeping your leg pressed against him between his thighs as you wrap your lips around the nipple easiest for you to reach. He whimpers- a high pitched sound you never expected to hear from him as you swirl your tongue around his hardened nipple.

"Fuck, oh fuck, oh my god-" Changbin whines, bringing up his hands to once again cover his heated face. It's so embarrassing- how good it feels, how loud he's being, how he just can't seem to stop himself from seeking the delicious friction your thigh provides him. Overwhelming too, how close he is to cumming already, his body taut and high strung.

His hips begin to stutter, sweat steadily building on his brow, his stomach clenching as he tries his best to hold back the inevitable. "Are you close, Binnie? Gonna cum just like this?" you release his nipple from your mouth to ask him sweetly. Against your expectations, he quickly shakes his head- as if fighting against himself before he lowers his hands and looks at you with glassy eyes.

"Don't- don't want to," he tells you after another obscene whine, "wanna fuck you first, don't wanna cum until I fuck you." The way he looks at you as he says it makes your heart jolt and stomach twist. Messy hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, pouty bottom lip swollen and red, eyes pleading and desperate.

God, he's fucking cute- positively delectable. You'll have to save eating him for next time, though; right now, you just want to give him everything he asks for. "You want to fuck me?" you ask him, reaching your hand down to dip under the waistband of his pants and underwear. It's sticky and wet, pre-cum smeared all over the inside of the fabric.

He keens, nodding eagerly as he squirms beneath the touch of your soft, warm hand. It's such a contrast from the prior sensation, but just as equally overwhelming. You stroke him slowly; just enough to keep him worked up, but not enough to make him cum. His eyes are fluttering closed, hands twisting the sheets beneath him, hips jolting up to meet your strokes.

"You're so thick, Binnie," you tell him, and he throbs from the compliment, whining almost helplessly. It's true too- you're not just saying it to make him feel good. It's not the longest you've ever held, but it's definitely the thickest- you can't even wrap your hand entirely around it. "Think you can help me get ready to take it?" you ask, needing to suppress the urge to giggle when he enthusiastically nods.

"Anything! I'll do anything for you, anything you need," he babbles, and you thank him with a sweet kiss that he happily returns. He whines when you stop touching him and pry yourself away, hips chasing your touch even though he's the one who wanted you to stop- his body just can't help it.

He watches breathlessly as you stand from the bed, sliding your thumbs into the waistband of your pajamas and slowly pulling them down along with your panties. He decides to follow your lead, scrambling to lift himself from the bed and pull the rest of his clothes off in one quick motion.

Both bare, you take a moment to stare at one another. You get a better view of Changbin's drooling cock, while he finally gets a glimpse at your pussy- and fuck, is it the prettiest thing he's ever seen. How did he get so fucking lucky?

You come back to the bed, and instead of letting you crawl back on top of him, Changbin gently guides you to the side of him and onto your back. You spread your legs for him once you're comfortable, and he props himself up on his elbow, looking down at your body, so gorgeous and perfect.

He isn't well practiced, so he mimics the actions taken in one of his favorite, more intimate porn videos. He starts with kissing you, slow but messy, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. His hand travels down the length of your torso, and he can't help but gasp and break away from the kiss when he reaches your core, and your arousal coats his fingers.

"Oh my god, do you- do you always get this wet?" he asks, almost mesmerized by how effortlessly his fingers glide between your folds. "Only for you," you answer; you don't know if he believes it, but it's true. The only other times you've ever gotten this soaked were in the privacy of your bedroom, when you touched yourself with Changbin's image at the forefront of your imagination.

He continues to rub his fingers up and down between your folds until his fingers are completely coated, and only then does he finally ask, "Can I.. is- is it okay to put my fingers inside?" He blushes when you smile at him and nod, spreading your legs further apart while telling him exactly what he wants to hear. "Yeah, please, I want you to."

He presses the tips of his fingers to your hole before he slowly pushes one inside, watching in breathlessly awe as it disappears inside your warm, wet heat. You're so slick that it slides in and out easily, and soon enough you're instructing him to add another, and then one more, to which he easily obliges.

He can't decide where he wants to look more; between your legs, where his fingers thrust steadily in and out of you, or to your face, beautifully contorted in pleasure- so he ends up alternating between both. "Is this- is it good for you?" he asks the next time he looks at your face, desperate to perform well for you.

If there's anything he can do better, anything he needs to do differently, he needs to know- he'll follow any instruction you give him in a heartbeat. "Your fingers- when they're all the way inside, can you curl them for me, please?" you ask, and he's immediately doing exactly as you tell him, curling his fingers right against your sweet spot.

"Like this?" he asks, sliding his fingers out and quickly pushing them back inside, curling them to hit your spot, and then pulling them back out to repeat the motion. You let out whines and breathless moans, voice quickly growing shakier and shakier as you try to keep talking him through it.

"Y-Yeah, just like that, keep- keep going just like that," you tell him, voice unsteady between your whimpers and moans, but it's easily the prettiest sounds Changbin's ever heard- he just knows he'll become addicted to them.

He's addicted to everything about you, really- all of it is so captivating. The sounds you cry out, as well as the ones coming from between your legs as his fingers thrust in and out of you. He's mesmerized by how your thighs tremble and twitch when he picks up his pace, by the rapid rise and fall of your chest, by the way your eyes roll back as he drives you closer to sweet release.

"Bin, Binnie- 'm so close, just need- need a little more," you tell him between quick, shaky breaths. "Tell me," Changbin requests, slowing down the motion of his fingers just enough for you to be able to speak with more ease, "tell me what you need."

"Here, touch me here," you instruct, reaching your hand down to point him to your puffy, neglected clit. "With your thumb," you add after you show him, and he nods, pressing his thumb to your clit as he resumes the previous, quick motion of his fingers inside you.

He can feel you clench tighter around his fingers, while the sounds that escape you soon pick up in volume. Your thighs squeeze together and limit the motion of his hand, so he sticks to simply curling his fingers while rubbing your clit with his thumb. It only takes a few more strokes of his thumb to have your back arching off the bed, his name coming out in a choked sob.

Changbin doesn't slip his fingers out of you right away, instead keeping them inside until your breathing starts to steady and your thighs relax. "Was it.. did I do okay?" he asks after you've caught your breath, and God, the way you smile at him- he's sure he's never seen anything more radiant.

"You were perfect," you answer, leaning up to wrap your arms around him and pull him into a kiss. "So perfect, felt so good," you continue between pressing kisses to his lips, "want you now." A shiver is sent straight down his spine; is this finally, really going to happen after so many nights spent hoping for it? “Do you have protection?” you ask after pulling away, and he pouts as he considers it.

He did have some, but.. how long has it been since the last time he had sex? He’s not confident he even remembers where he put them last; it hasn’t really been something pressing on his mind considering he discovered casual flings weren’t really his thing, and he thought the only person he wanted to have sex with, you, was unavailable.

“Uh, I think so! ..maybe?” he mumbles as he crawls over to his nightstand and starts haphazardly shoving things aside while searching through it. You giggle as you sit up and crawl over yourself, deciding to help him look for one in his messy drawer. “Ah, there’s one!” you point to where you see the corner of a packet sticking out from under the book you’re pretty sure he’s been reading on and off for like, 6 months now. 

“Thank God,” you hear him mutter under his breath as he lifts the book up to grab it, and you giggle again; you don’t think there’ll ever be a time you don’t find him endlessly adorable. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn’t have one, of course, as you usually carried around spares in your bag, but there was something really endearing about his urgency to find one.

He’s pretty sure that the condoms expiration date hasn’t passed, but he still checks first regardless- better to be safe than sorry, and all. “All good?” you ask as you watch him check it over, and smile when he crawls back to you and plants a giddy kiss to your lips.

“Yep! All good,” he smiles, settling himself between your legs after you rest back against the bed. He’s honestly pretty nervous, but his joy to be with someone he loves so much does wonders for distracting his brain from the fear of not performing to some imaginary standard of perfection in bed.

Changbin stops when it’s time to open the condom, staring at it for a moment as if considering what to do. You’re about to ask him if he needs help, but he ends up speaking again before you can. “Uh, I know tearing it open with my teeth is sexy or whatever, but I think I’d fuck it up so I’m not gonna do that,” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. Your silly boy. 

“Don’t worry, you’re already plenty sexy without doing stuff like that,” you tell him. “Am I?” he asks, another cute smile spreading on his lips when you nod, and confirm that he’s very sexy. Cute too, you tell him, easily the cutest person in the whole world. And his eyes crinkle and nose scrunches in the way you love again as he giggles. 

What amazing duality your boyfriend has; so strong and intimidating in physique, but with the softest, sweetest personality you’ve ever known anyone to have. He’s so perfect. 

He rips open the packet with his hands, and the condom slips from his fingers when he first pulls it out, but he thankfully manages to catch it before it falls on you, or the bed. "My bad," he says with a shy, slightly awkward laugh; maybe he's more nervous than he initially thought.

He's suddenly extremely conscious of how fast his heart is beating, and of the tremble in his hands. "Want me to help?" you ask, smiling at him sweetly when he timidly nods. "Ah, yeah, if you don't mind," he mutters, and you quickly sit back up, placing your hands over his.

"Keep this one here," you instruct as you bring his hand to the base of his cock to hold in place and keep still. "And then we're gonna roll it down, like this," you guide the hand holding the condom to the tip of his cock, helping him spread it smoothly down his length with your fingers atop his.

If it were anyone else, he might feel embarrassed or a little ashamed over needing help, and for needing to be guided like this with something he feels most guys his age already have perfected. But with you, it just feels sweet and intimate; he can tell there's no judgment, and you're not going to make fun of him for not quite knowing how best to do things.

He's safe with you. And he's glad that out of all the billions of people in the world that he could've met, befriended, and then fallen in love with, that it was you.

You lay back against the bed after Changbin thanks you for your help with a kiss, but you notice he still looks nervous, so you hold up your hand to offer it to him. He smiles as he takes it in his, and you give him a reassuring squeeze after he intertwines his fingers with yours. He uses his other hand to align himself with your hole, and takes a breath before starting to finally push himself inside.

You both squeeze each other’s hand; Changbin because fuck, it already feels so good even with just the tip inside, and you because even with 3 of his fingers prepping you for his cock, it’s still a stretch. He’s pushing inside slowly, and it’s thankfully to both your benefit- because he’d definitely cum if he didn’t, and you’re sure there’d be a sting if he pushed it all in at once.

He whimpers as he bottoms out, his hand still squeezing yours as he tries desperately to ground himself. “God, you feel so good, can’t- can’t believe how tight you are, oh my god,” he whines, absolutely sure that if it wasn’t for the condom he would’ve cum from the very moment he felt your walls squeezing around him.

“You’re big,” you reply breathlessly, reaching your free hand up to the back of his neck to pull him down, closer to you, “so fucking big, feel so full.” “Fuck, don’t say that, I’ll cum-” he groans, and you can feel his cock twitch and throb, as if it to confirm to you he means it. A kiss is the only apology you offer now that his lips are in reach of yours, and he lets go of your hand to prop himself up on his elbows.

He rests his forehead against yours when he pulls away, and slowly, he starts to pull out. “Gonna- gonna fuck you now,” he breathes, pulling out almost completely before slowly pushing back inside, “gonna, oh- fuck, gonna make you feel good too, promise.” You bite your lip, muffling a whine as he continues to build his slow, but steady pace. You don’t think you’ve ever been fucked slowly by anyone, but fuck, it feels good.

You hold his face in your hands, kissing him deep and messy, with your tongue shoved as far into his mouth as it’ll go. You’re both panting by the time one of you pulls away, and oh, when he looks at you- his heart feels like it could stop right then and there. You’re so beautiful, he’s so in love with you, and the way you look at him so full of tenderness and adoration makes his head spin. 

He buries his head into your neck as he starts to fuck you faster, genuinely afraid that he’ll cry if he looks in your eyes any longer. You wrap your arms around him, clinging to his body as you start to roll your hips to meet his thrusts and help him to hit your spot. He moans your name, one of his hands snaking underneath your body to pull you even closer.

You’re pressed to him, chest to chest, bodies hot and sweaty. His face feels unbearably hot, and when he lifts his face from your neck, the lenses of his glasses have almost completely fogged over. “Bin, oh my goodness,” you giggle as you reach up to take his glasses off for him, and he giggles too, though it’s quickly cut off by another moan. 

It’s easy to tell that he’s getting close, and it really comes as no surprise- he’s been so hard for so long now, and he purposely staved off his orgasm just for this moment. His thrusts become more desperate, the throbbing of his cock more constant as he squeezes and holds you tighter. His pace isn’t perfect and his thrusts aren’t precise enough, he knows, but he hopes he’s still doing well enough to at least uphold his promise to make you feel just as good as he does. 

He can feel you trying to snake your dominant hand between your bodies, and he pulls away from you enough to make it easier for you once he realizes what you’re trying to do. He tries to watch, but the very moment your fingers start to rub your clit, you clench around him and it makes his eyes roll back as he moans. 

Changbin whimpers when you moan his name, hips stuttering and thrusts becoming erratic. “C-Close, oh my god, ‘m so close,” he whines, begrudgingly letting you go so he can dig his fingers into the mattress instead so he doesn’t accidentally hurt you. His knuckles quickly turn white, and though it makes him emotional to do, he looks you in the eye.

It’s now that it really sets in just how much Changbin cares about you. There’s no one else he’d ever do this with, no one in the world he wants more than he wants you, and you can see it in the way he looks down at you. His furrowed brows and watery eyes, his bottom lip that trembles, the desperate, almost pathetic cries of your name. He lets you see his most vulnerable self, because he trusts you and loves you. 

You reach to his face, cupping his face in your hand to guide him down to you. He thinks you’re going to kiss him, and you are close enough to, as he's able to feel your breath against his lips. But you don’t- instead you whisper words that make his world tilt on its axis, a loud, desperate moan escaping from deep in his chest as he cums.

"I love you.”

He fills the condom with long, thick and sticky spurts, his entire body trembling. In turn, it only takes a few more strokes of your fingers to cum again, your eyes rolling back as the white hot pleasure licks over every inch of your skin. Changbin collapses first, careful to fall in a way that won’t completely smother you beneath him. 

He pulls out slowly after he catches his breath, and then carefully removes the condom from his softening length. He leans over your body to toss it in the trash bin near his bed before he falls back down next to you, and wraps an arm around you to pull you closer. You end up in the same cuddling position you were in at the start of the night, with Changbin half on his back, and you with an arm thrown over his body and leg tucked between his.

You’re naked this time, there’s an “Are you still there?” pop up on the tv that’s since gone ignored, and you told Changbin you love him. So it’s better, he thinks; everything about where you are now is better. “I love you too,” he finally says, and you giggle, scooching up so you can kiss him. “Took you long enough to say it back,” you say, and he giggles too, happy beyond words to finally have everything he’s ever wished for.

network tags: @skzstarnet @ksmutsociety additional tag: @bookobsessedfreak

[seivsite]

UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

synopsis: your boyfriend, micha, failed to recognize you while under the influence, and he remained skeptical until you presented him with video evidence.

includes: michael kaiser x fem!reader. he calls you good girl once, drunk kaiser, soft and clingy micha, swear words, suggestive at the end — wc: 1355

You were peacefully going about your evening when a series of messages started flooding your phone—several from Kaiser and a dozen from Ness. With a sigh, you opened your phone and began reading the messages.

Without wasting any time, you hastily slipped on your trusty Crocs and dashed off to the location Ness had sent you, dressed only in a hoodie and flared pants. As you arrived, your eyes scanned the area, searching for your boyfriend amidst the chaos. His hair, a vibrant mix of white roots and blue tips, stood out like a sore thumb. Approaching Ness and Kaiser’s slumped figure, you locked eyes with your beloved, who greeted you with a bizarre statement, “I have the most beautiful and wonderful girlfriend! Go away!”

You glanced over at Ness, who merely shrugged his shoulders, conveying that Kaiser had been acting like this for a while. Brushing off Kaiser’s nonsensical remarks and futile attempts to escape, you took charge and dragged him towards your car. Ness gathered Kaiser’s belongings and neatly stowed them in the back while you ensured that Kaiser was securely buckled up, preventing any potential wobbling out the window or other absurdities.

You expressed gratitude to Ness and embarked on the journey back home. However, Kaiser couldn’t resist voicing his discontent, whining about how his beloved would be disappointed to find him with someone else, completely oblivious to the fact that you were, in fact, his girlfriend.

As you parked the car and approached Kaiser’s side, you cunningly placed your phone by the window, ready to capture his drunken antics for some entertaining mischief.

“Micha,” you began, but he quickly interrupted, his tone filled with protest. “Nooo, only my girlfriend can call me that!” he whimpered, clutching onto you for support since his ability to walk properly had been compromised.

“But I am your girlfriend,” you insisted, determined to break through his inebriated haze.

“No, you’re not!” he countered, clearly in a state of confusion and intoxicated from the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed. Together, you both stumbled into your shared home, ensuring the phone captured every hilarious moment.

Suddenly, your eyes caught sight of the ring he had bought you for your anniversary. Holding it up, you presented it to him. Kaiser examined the ring, then looked back at you, realisation dawning upon him. Immediately, he enveloped you in a tight hug.

“Mein Schatz~ Where were you? I thought you had abandoned me, thinking I wasn’t loved anymore,” he confessed, a few tears welling up in his eyes.

“Gosh, Micha, I didn’t expect you to be such a clingy drunk,” you muttered playfully, as you stopped the recording on your phone. With care, you guided Kaiser towards the bedroom, allowing him to collapse onto the bed. Methodically, you removed his shoes, blazer, and shirt, despite his feeble attempts to convince you to join him and just sleep. Deep down, you knew he’d complain in the morning if he didn’t change. So, you handed him a pair of comfy sweatpants, encouraging him to switch into something more comfortable. He sluggishly complied, finally sitting down on the mattress.

With tenderness, you wiped clean his face and tidied up his soiled clothes. Fetching a warm glass of water and some hangover medicine, you offered it to Kaiser, who grumbled about not needing it for a solid five minutes. However, when you threatened to withhold kisses from him, he reluctantly surrendered and drank the medicine. Finally, he nestled under the covers, succumbing to a deep slumber.

Shaking your head in both affection and amusement, you tidied up any remaining mess before joining Kaiser in bed. As you turned off the lights, you immediately felt his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close. Kaiser found solace against your chest, emitting soft snores as he slept soundly. Gently, you planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, “Gute Nacht, Liebe.”

As you woke from your slumber, you noticed Kaiser still peacefully sleeping on your chest, his head nestled against your bosom. Feeling a wave of warmth and affection, you decided to grab your phone and post a tweet on twitter.

However, after pressing the post button, Kaiser swiftly snatched the phone from your hand, wearing an annoyed expression.

“Hey, give me back my phone,” you demanded, reaching out to retrieve it. But Kaiser held it out of your reach, a mischievous pout forming on his lips. With his adorable “I want kisses” cat eyes, he requested, “No, give me a kiss first.”

You let out a sigh, realising you wouldn’t get your phone back without complying. Relenting to his playful demands, you planted a small peck on his lips. However, it was clear that he wasn’t satisfied with such a brief display of affection. Before you knew it, he firmly grasped your neck and pulled you into a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Startled by your quick reaction, Kaiser found his mouth covered by your hand as you asked, “Okay, happy now?” Swiftly reclaiming your phone from his grip, you casually walked away, heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Kaiser, still flabbergasted, followed you, almost stumbling along the way but managing to regain his balance.

Desperate for answers, he shouted, “Can’t you at least tell me what happened last night?!” His confusion and frustration were evident in his voice. You busied yourself with the pans and ingredients, getting everything ready to make a delicious breakfast for the two of you.

With a composed demeanour, you began to recount the events of the previous night. “You got drunk, Ness called me because you kept calling out my name. I arrived, and you didn’t recognize me until I showed you my ring,” you explained, your voice filled with a mixture of concern and amusement. Kaiser couldn’t believe his ears, the idea of not recognizing his one and only, precious lover seemed unfathomable. Before he could protest or deny it, you teased him, saying, “If you want to be sure, check the recent video in my gallery~” You continued cutting up the tofu, a mischievous glint in your eye.

Eager to confirm your words, Kaiser swiftly grabbed your phone, effortlessly unlocking it using your anniversary date as the passcode. As he watched the video, he was rendered speechless, unable to comprehend what he had just witnessed. Lost in thought, he hadn’t realised that you had finished preparing breakfast.

“Breakfast’s ready,” you chimed, placing the food on the table. “Oh, and Micha, you might want to check your phone soon.” You hinted with a playful smile, your own appetite clearly satisfied as you began to enjoy the meal.

Kaiser’s phone suddenly dinged, signalling someone was messaging him. You saw how his eyes widened in shock before your phone got its own notifications.

Kaiser’s mischievous gaze met yours, his eyes brimming with a playful intent. With a teasing smile, you wagged your pointer finger from side to side, playfully denying him.

“Ah ah,” you chided, “If you want my attention, you’ll need to—”

But before you could finish your sentence, Kaiser disregarded your playful admonishment. With a swift motion, he took your hand and led you back to your shared bedroom. Pinning your hands gently beside your head, he leaned in closer, his voice filled with a hint of seductive playfulness.

“Well, didn’t you just say you wanted me to fuck you?” he whispered, his eyes glimmering with desire. Before you could respond, he claimed your lips in a passionate kiss, his hand sliding underneath your shirt. A shiver ran through your body as his cold fingers brushed against your waist, drawing you closer to him.

As your arms encircled his neck, you surrendered yourself to the intoxicating passion of the moment. His lips left yours, venturing down to your neck, leaving a trail of tender love bites in their wake. A soft sigh of pleasure escaped your lips, as you revelled in the sensations.

“A bit eager, aren’t we?” Kaiser playfully teased, a hint of mockery lacing his words. “Well, my darling, how about you be a good girl and take whatever I give you, yeah?”

NOTES. the german petnames mean love and darling, mein means my iirc. also he’s shirtless after he wakes up soo (｡- .•). i promised to post this yesterday but uhh i fell asleep woops sorry lol. anyway thanks for reading!

TAG LIST. @rintosei @yanqingisim

LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! ‹3

[rileyslibrary]

Aggressive mimicry

Synopsis: A power blackout hits your base, plunging you into darkness. As fear grips you, Ghost tries to calm you down. Little did he know you had other things in mind.

Relationship: Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

Word Count: 1,085

Notes:

Aggressive mimicry: a tactic in which a predator acts harmless to lure its prey.

Fluff. A little suggestive, but SFW.

No, there’s no part 2.

Want more?

———————————————————————

Looks like you’ll both be working until late this evening. New recruits are constantly arriving, and the base is rapidly filling up.

The two of you take comfort in the silence of your office, a small space with two desks next to each other and a bookshelf full of records lining the opposite wall. It’s a little tight, especially with the new chairs you brought for the interviews. However, you cannot conduct them anywhere else since they’re confidential and private. Your job is to assess the recruits’ mental health, look into any past traumas that may have affected them, and determine their trustworthiness with firearms. Ghost, on the other hand, interviews them about their battlefield abilities and skills.

Under normal circumstances, he does not wear his mask when in the room with you. But these aren’t normal circumstances; People are constantly coming in and out of the office, and he feels uneasy without it.

“He was good, that last one,” he says, his attention still fixed on the paperwork. “Don’t mark him.”

“He suffered three concussions in his last deployment and reeks of alcohol,” you explain, baffled. “How can you trust him?”

“These are the best,” he shrugs, “they’ve got nothing to lose.”

You shake your head, stunned, as you look at him. You two come from different worlds.

“Have you considered therapy, Lt. Riley?” you ask sarcastically.

“Have you considered minding your own business, Dr Y/N?” he snaps back. You knew what he was going to say even before you asked. But you enjoyed teasing him every now and then.

“It’s ‘Professor Y/N,’ please.”

Instead of responding, he mockingly repeats your statement, imitating you and pushing invisible glasses up his nose bridge.

You chuckle, and he turns to look at you, slightly proud that he made you laugh. Your opposing personalities complement each other well, with your order and his chaos balancing each other out. It was like mixing black and white to get some form of grey. And that’s the state you’ve been in for years—in a grey area. You two have never been romantic. Still, the flirting was definitely there, even if it came in the form of playful jabs and teasing.

Ghost shuffles through his papers before turning to face you. “Where are the next ones’ files?” he wonders.

You look over your desk and move your gaze to the bookshelf. “I must have left them on the shelf,” you say as you stand up. “Let me go get them.”

But as you approach the bookshelf, everything goes dark—pitch black.

“What just happened?” you yell in a high-pitched voice.

“The lights went off,” he says calmly. “The base has too many people to handle all that power cons-”

“Shut the fuck up, Lieutenant!”

“You just asked me-”

“I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!”

You freeze in place, with your back against the bookshelf like a trapped animal. You try to see through the impenetrable darkness, but nothing is visible. Fear grips you and paralyses you.

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Ghost says through the darkness, and you feel a hand on your shoulder.

Despite his words, the panic rises. As your fight-or-flight instincts kick in, you get ready to defend yourself. You lash out, grabbing the first thing you can get your hands on and swing right at the source of the touch.

“What the hell, woman!” Ghost curses in pain.

“G-Ghost?” you stammer, “is that you, Lieutenant?”

“How could it be anyone else?” He says and rubs his forehead. “Christ, professor, no wonder you know so much about concussions.”

“Did I get you good?” you ask, worried, “I-I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve had worse,” he assures you, taking your hand and placing it on his chest while muttering soothing words.

As you touch the coarse texture of his uniform, you apply a bit of pressure to get a better feel of him. And just like that, the fear fades gradually, giving way to a more... playful mood. You slide your hand up to his shoulder, then back to his chest. You can feel his heart rate increasing as it desperately pumps the blood it requires for him to stay sane. But he doesn’t need sanity right now; he must lose it completely. So you do it again. He lets out a sigh.

“These are dangerous games you’re playing, Professor,” he warns, trying to sound like his usual self and failing miserably.

“I like taking risks, Lieutenant,” you smirk, tracing circles on his chest with your finger.

He takes your hand off him and steps closer, bridging your gap. Seems like the blood is pumping elsewhere now.

“Fuck, professor,” he murmurs, “I need to go check if they need my help.”

“No,” you command, “what you need to do is stay right here.”

“Like this?” he asks huskily, his breath warm on your forehead.

“Yes, exactly like this.”

But, as he tilts your head towards him and begins to remove his balaclava, the door bursts open, and a blinding light shines in, threatening to expose you.

Your reflexes kick back again. You instinctively push him away and begin screaming, grabbing files from the bookshelf and hurling them at the light source.

“Damn it, Professor!” Ghost yells at you, “You’re hitting the engineers with box files!”

You pause midair and focus on your target; two figures squatted on the ground, their hands protecting their heads.

“Motherf—can’t you knock first?” You yell at them while holding the box file in front of your face. “Should we include basic etiquette in the manual, too?”

They all look at you, puzzled. Unable to comprehend your absurd request, they turn to Ghost.

“Sir, we need help with the generator.” One of them explains, and Ghost nods.

They hand him a flashlight and return to the power junction box, leaving you alone again.

He turns to look at you one last time.

“I’m curious,” he says, leaning in close, “did you plan this all along?”

You raise an eyebrow, acting innocent. “What, the power outage?”

“Are you acting all daft now?” he asks, his eyes forming two thin lines. “The whole screaming and acting vulnerable thing so I could come to your rescue and fall into your trap.”

“Oh, come on, Lieutenant,” you playfully roll your eyes, “don’t pretend like you didn’t want it.”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “So you’re okay with staying alone then?”

“Of course I am,” you say seductively, “as long as you come back and let me finish what I started.”

———————————————————————

[anantaru]

cw. kissing, making out, fluff but mixed with a sprinkle of angst, this is very soft and indulgent, gn! reader

a/n. this was very indulgent and nice to write so i had to share with the village right away :) enjoy

you love to kiss scaramouche, kiss and kiss and kiss him again — numerous times — until you have to withdraw to catch up on some much needed air. but then he‘s airily smirking into your lips with a low chuckle spilling from his tongue, pressing out broken puffs from his chest, and his cheeks— with such a pretty red tint on his pale skin as you watch him crumble into pieces when you cradle his face.

the holding affection of his delicate prints arouse significant comfort and it was enough to relieve yourself from your day to day struggles, forgetting everything around you and twining into him— lips curved into an ardent smile.

scaramouche clears his throat before easing himself back into you with a subtle peck— offering you another kiss, one more— and another one, until you‘re both smiling into each other again. a teem of electro like tingles course into your veins as his hands further web into your tousled garments, his fingers pulling you benevolently into his body— it’s nothing more but an affectionate act to kuni, so he could have your skin lingered on top of his, your silent whines against his lips, so his features would be overcome with need and devotion he never received before.

for all that, it‘s equal to what you do, to lift the heavy burdens off his shoulders effectively, tenderly moulding into his tongue again— each upsetting memory departing from his state of mind, it‘s as if you‘re making direct contact with his soul through your deep rooted kisses, leaving a cavernous fire to burn from inside his chest. whereas scaramouche too, tastes like sweet sweet heaven on your lips, he kisses you like it‘s an addiction, worships your body as if it‘s the finest, most fragile— so compassionate — his fingers, ghosting on your skin, featherlight.

by the same sign, kuni didn‘t resonate with any of those sentiments. he who— prior to being with you, found false solace in the sinking feeling in his belly that had been automatically shielding himself from, yes, love. because kuni wasn‘t fully comforted by suddenly being wanted by someone. he didn’t like it, the sense and how it plagued his heart, the feeling on its own or— that he couldn‘t control it, again, that's what it was.

that there was no way of turning it off. there‘s rage, anger but love? it was more intense, it wasn't allaying to his frozen cold, and a part of him wondered how to turn it off, yet the incapability of treating his new feelings and reactions burned heavier in his boiling anger.

scaramouche, who had done horrible undertakings in his life, no, it was beyond that— he realizes deeply, how dark and twisted the deeds in his past were. what was the conclusion of such awareness? distantly, it cemented a closed off silence in him, again, his mind felt detached and pitch black, reminiscing the days from when he had been discarded.

the man was not worthy of such pure, candid love. yet why, why did you give it to him regardless, accepted him with open arms and a fresh spirit— and it freed him from the bleeding shackles of the promise he signed with himself. the ceaseless shadows of his recollections, evaporating and gone.

a source of light was consuming him whole, demolishing his tragic memories, deeper than before, and a new kiss seared into his skin— but the flames, those warm familiar flames, carved your name into his broken soul.

©2023 anantaru do not repost, copy, translate, modify

[yandere-sins]

Mixed Feelings (Yandere!Kafka x Reader x Yandere!Blade)

Honestly? I got side-tracked while writing my Yan!Himeko/Welt x Reader. Insted I wrote this. Found out Kafka is easier to write than I initially thought. I like Blade but he keeps dying in my team, so he deserves some softness. Bon appetit!

Fandom: Honkai Star Rail  Pairings: Yandere!Kafka x GN!Reader x Yandere!Blade   Warnings: Yandere, Dub-/Non-Con touches/kisses, Hints at kidnapping/owning reader, Soft yandere, Possessiveness, Obsession, Infatuation, Sexual innuendos, It's not stated but there is a small implication that reader is taller than Kafka but not taller than Blade

Kafka should have been offended at the sight of you sitting on Blade’s lap, but for some reason, she really couldn’t bring herself to it.

She should have been upset and angry at you for being quiet and obedient to someone who wasn’t Kafka. She should have been fuming as she watched him run his hand down your arm, his eyes following the touch with wonder reflected in it, and gripping it tightly when you tried to pull away. But then Blade reconsidered, forced himself to be gentle when you flinched. He had you propped on his leg, only your tiptoes reaching the floor as you sat stiff like a board, your back straighter than a blade, but Kafka had never seen him quite so calm, and neither you. Usually, you’d throw your hands in her face or try to crawl away when she wanted to do similar things with you, but there was something different about how you let Bladie treat you.

It ticked her off and intrigued her just as much at the same time.

It was painfully obvious, but neither of you knew what to make of the other. You were looking at each other equally as perplexed as Kafka felt as she watched you interact. It was strange because she felt like she wanted to say something, never too shy to speak up, tease, and defend you. But this time, she wanted to see what would happen if she kept still. You were both explosive in different ways, and she had the lighter to escalate this moment. Yet, she snuffed out the flame, watching, surprised that Blade hadn’t noticed her yet. Surprised about how deeply in thought he must have been to ignore a possible threat like her, seething beneath her curiosity.

The looks you gave each other were equally as surprising as they were confusing. Kafka knew you. No matter how much you liked to deny it, wanting to stay an enigma before her all-seeing eyes, she knew you better than anyone. You were scared. You braved yourself with your straight posture and gritted teeth, but you were scared of Blade, who had only been ordered to look after you while Kafka went to fetch you a drink. It didn’t help that she had kept you to herself until now, so you didn't know the strange man she left you with; didn't know that Kafka’s 'friends' were equally as crazy as she was—if not more. 

However Blade had managed to wrangle you into this position was unexplainable, her little rascal almost subservient now, sitting on his lap and letting his arm support you. But Kafka had to admit that Bladie could be unnerving, and it seemed that once he caught you, he had taken your moody self over completely. But even more of an enigma, perhaps, was the man awkwardly dragging his fingers over yours, trying to gain a hold on you while you dug your nails into your thighs, refusing him that pleasure.

Kafka had seen so many emotions in Blade’s eyes throughout the years. Numbness, mostly. But also anger and ecstasy. So seeing the smallest sparks of affection in his formally dead gaze, adoration, and longing swirling in the mad red, was new to even her. He was like a completely different person, though no less deadly so, Kafka was sure. It was just unusual for him to latch on to anyone, and her heart shrunk in bitterness, knowing it was for her darling.

Blade was her ‘friend’. At least he was someone she could bear keeping by her side. So seeing the hints of infatuation as he looked at you, jealousy began to bubble up in her. Kafka didn’t want him to grow fond of the one person she only wanted to herself, not being someone who liked to share what she felt was profoundly hers. There was a moment of hope for her poor heart, though, your eyes flitting over to her nervously, widening as you found her standing in the door frame holding a sweet, colorful drink for you, two straws sticking out of it. 

“Ka- Kafka!” you gasped, realizing your own predicament of being seen like this. You might argue and whine, but Kafka had installed a good portion of fear inside you, and you instinctively knew this was not a good look for you. But as you tried to jump up, Blade gripped your hips, pulling you flush against him and catching you off-guard, forcing out a most adorable “Ouf!” from your lips while your body collapsed in his arms. 

“My, my. If looks could kill,” Kafka chuckled, the smile playing on her lips never reaching her eyes as she returned Blade’s glare. Stepping down the few steps into the room, Kafka was undeterred as she made her way over to the both of you. Compared to you, she didn’t fear Blade. Why would she? Kafka knew he would do nothing to upset her. Handing you the glass, you didn’t bother refusing her kindness like usually, a mix of shame and fear forcing you into compliance. You took what she gave you—a delightful change in your attitude for once—and Kafka ran her gloved fingers down to your wrist, wrapping them around it before giving it a light tug. 

Immediately, you got on your feet, not needing her to tell you twice. Bladie’s arms slit off you defeatedly as he grumbled under his breath, averting his eyes from the sight of Kafka bringing you against her, with it being her arm now wrapped around you possessively, reminding her fellow Hunter who you belonged to.

“Thank you for watching my precious darling, Bladie. I hope you two played nice with each other while I was gone.”

“Nothing happened,” you mumbled, pouting at the insinuation that you two had been on a childish playdate. Kafka relished in the sight of your wary attempt to defy her, yet you were too scared to look at her and tell her to her face. Lucky for you, you were adorable—and it had obviously been Blade who bent you to his will, not you trying to cozy up to him. She could appreciate that, deep down, you knew who you belonged to, not even trying to soften up someone else to get what you wanted or make her jealous on purpose. 

It wouldn’t have worked anyway, considering it was Blade we’re talking about. 

“Really appreciate it,” she instead told him, watching his expression grow more glum with every time she addressed him, his eye twitching as he looked at her. 

“No problem,” he said, almost a little too monotone. Suspiciously composed. His calmness seemed almost too forced. He couldn't fool her. After all, Kafka knew him better than anyone. But Blade merely got up from his seat, walking past both of you, and with a hunch itching inside her, Kafka looked after him, watching as he stepped out of the room. You twisted further away in her hold, trying to make yourself smaller than you were and avoiding drawing more of Blade’s attention as he passed by you, and she clicked her tongue, feeling offended that he frightened you so. Kafka would have to look you over for bruises so she could be sure, but it seemed like Blade had left quite the impression on you and your subconscious mind. A space that should have been occupied with Kafka and the fear as well as desire you felt for her.

To her delight, she was right to look after Blade. His hand gripped the doorframe, fingers tapping discontentedly against the wood as his movements halted. Any normal person would have missed the glance from the corner of Blade's eyes, first at you, then crossing Kafka’s, the light from outside the room bright and hurtful as it blinded her. And yet, she knew he’d hesitate but needed to see it with her own two eyes so she could confirm her suspicions. Even when he retreated without another second delay, hurry in his step as it echoed down the corridor, Kafka was sure now, the tell-tale signs glaringly obvious.

“Seems Bladie likes you,” she teased, fingers digging into your waist and pulling you flush against her, chest to chest. You took a nervous sip from one of the two straws, avoiding all eye contact. “I don’t mind you two becoming friends, you know?”

“He’s weird,” you mumbled while hiding behind another sip of your drink. “We’re not friends.”

“Now, now, you’re being rude to my friend. Try to get along with him, okay? He seems to really like you.”

You glanced down at her suspiciously. You were wary of her pushing you towards this connection. Wary, she was testing you, or maybe you were wary because you really didn't want to get closer to Blade. The latter amused her as much as it pleased her. “Don’t wanna…”

Kafka couldn’t help but chuckle at your childish antics. You loved trying to gain her sympathy, especially when you were scared, and she loved every last part of your easily readable personality. Even when you hated her, you knew better than to get on her bad side, and Kafka was weak to your pacification attempts. At the very least, you were thinking of her in everything you did, and she was proud of her little manipulator for pulling at her heartstrings with more ease than even her Spirit Whisper could make you compliant and cuddly. 

“It’s fine—really,” she reassured you in a gentle voice, feeling your body relax a little in her arms, even if you were still oh-so wary of her. Raising herself to her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to the corner of your mouth, startling you. However, in the dawn of still being scared of having done something to upset her, you merely huffed, turning your head away. 

Kafka wondered how you’d behave, knowing who was still standing in the corridor, leaning against the wall next to the door and listening to the conversation, having come back on quiet soles after his exit. Would you cower? Hide behind her? Apologize for being rude to Blade? Poor Bladie’s heart must have been broken all over again, yet he hadn’t left even after you called him weird.

“I don’t mind,” Kafka reiterated, pinching your cheek until you faced her again, her chance to get a proper kiss from the lips she loved so much. Sweetness spread between you two as she tasted the drink on your tongue, a surprised gasp escaping you as she bit down on the pliable muscle. The sound was enough to ruffle some feathers outside the door, the faint sound of clothes moving as Blade finally took his leave for good, unable to endure what he thought was going to happen next. 

Kafka grinned. 

She had a sudden desire to take you to the room next to Bladie’s, making you whimper and scream to give him an earful of the person he was infatuated with, destroying his idea of you and teasing his broken heart to see just how far he was willing to go to mend it this time. It was a doomed experiment, but it gave Kafka the satisfaction of getting revenge on the person who carelessly laid their hands on what belonged only to her.

“I don’t care what you two do while I’m gone. But I hope you always remember whose arms you go back to once you're done having fun, Darling.”

[riririnnnn]

It's a follow up post for this, but this post makes sense on its own too.

I have always been the younger sibling, so I can't understand an older sibling's feelings, but I wonder if Sae gets glimpses of what things used to be; if he sees Rin when the younger one isn't paying attention, and just reminiscences when they were kids.

Way too many things are going on during the U-20 arc, so it's not uncommon for the readers to miss something especially if they are binge reading it. That's why, I never actually saw people talking about the fact that we DID, in a way, get a reason why Sae chose Shidou out of all the Blue Lock-ers.

However, we didn't get this from a Narrator's POV or Sae's POV, that's why we can't FULLY trust it, so it makes me think if Sae chose Shidou because he couldn't choose Rin. Sae might've thought that there wasn't a better way to test out Rin until and unless he went against him instead of alongside.

Which brings me this panel again:

Rin in that panel just.. I don't know how to articulate it. "I saw what I came for, and I'm satisfied." Was Sae talking about Rin?

Further, I think Sae got fired up when he heard Shidou was going to play too because he wanted to rub it on Rin's face like, "Look, I'm siding with him. I'm passing to him and not you. He is better than you that's why." And I believe that he was doing it purposely.

I'll explain why, look here:

The above panel was before Rin went berserk, and you can clearly see that he was still trying to be like Sae. Like his Nii-chan.

But when he got free from this thing that was holding him back as he says, he went into his flow and ho, ho, ho, look what he said:

He became himself instead of being someone of somebody.

Also, during the time he was going into his flow state, this is what his inner monologue said:

Him going batshit crazy actually stole the spotlight from everything. It's clearly a new perspective of that flashback, and after that Sae was completely attentive to Rin. It was almost as if Sae WAS expecting this to happen, yet the intensity of it caught him off guard for a while too.

After that the focus of the game just became Sae Vs Rin, and the older Itoshi continued to rile the younger one by saying, "You still don't get it? You can't be the best in the world," and lalalalalalala.

HOWEVER,

This thing low-key took off the attention from the fact that Sae didn't pass to anyone during that time. He went along with Rin in their 1V1, and this thing was also pointed out by the news article where it said something along the line of, "The internet says Sae held the ball for too long and he should've passed." (Chapter 152)

It has to be purposely.

It was Rin who stole the ball from him and Isagi got to hit it.

Further, this:

It's giving new perspective to everything now. Also, he says, "Nii-chan." It seems like a trivial thing to point out, but if you know, you know.

That's why, I kinda think that Sae knows that his words affects Rin a lot. That's why he praised Isagi, so that Rin wouldn't forget/lose his Ego. It makes more sense since in the same chapter (152), Rin says like, "In that moment, I won against Nii-chan." Which is true, he stole the ball, but his ending words of that monologue was, "But Isagi gained everything. He (Sae) recognised him and not me."

But what if Sae had recognised Rin verbally?

I bet Rin would've lost his new found real Ego, and would've ended up like Nagi did when he scored against Isagi in the BM Vs Manshine City match.

So, I think Sae wants Rin to be Rin. Not Itoshi Sae's younger brother Rin, but the real Rin because Sae didn't want him to be a mirror image of him since he wasn't enough in world stage of soccer.

Personally, I'm sorry for mixing my own emotions, but I have went through what Rin went through. No, I wasn't completely starstruck by my older sibling like him, but I indeed felt really humiliated, and that humiliation actually helped me improve. Everything is fine now, we got more trauma in our life, so we bonded over it and we are chill af now, but, deep in my heart, a little girl will always be present with a mild, gentle resentment for being treated unkindly.

That's why I think that Sae did what he had to do to help Rin improve which sadly, costed them their brotherhood.

I know I'm slightly backtracking from this post.

But I do want to believe that whatever Sae did, he did it FOR Rin and NOT for their shared dream to be the best striker in the world.

For a sports animanga, Rin-Sae relation is actually way complicated and deep. I hope Kaneshiro-san will do justice to everything.

But in the end, they are fictional and their realities will become whatever the author wants it to be.

Till then, we can only speculate.

.

.

.

It'd be funny if they go into therapy together and their trauma is just:

⚽

[marymary-diva17]

Hello there! How about something mixed of angst and wholesome?

Ronal births her third child [Y/N] , was a momentum occasion. But after the lose of neteyam, neytiri can't help but be a bit close to reader . Too close for ronal's comfort.

Thank you!! 💞💞💞

mother ronal x daughter reader + neytiri

avatar masterlist

A gift of a child could change anyone life upside down, but mostly when it came to a parent a new one or old one. As their lives will never be the same ever again. Mother was always the ones that seem to be great changed when it came to a child of their own or another child. The life of a child was something that was so precious and taken serious, but when it come sot a lost of a child there was grief that was will overcome a parent. This grief will sometimes change a parent and nothing will ever be the same again, now what does someone do when a grief as overtake a mother and brith of other child has overtaken another mother as well.

Ronal " thank you neytiri for watching over my daughter as I take some time off and work" ronal had given brith to her third child and she had become overwhelmed, and was seeking some help so went to neytiri. A women with many children and seem to have a good experience with dealing with so many children at once.

neytiri " sure it good to be helpful towards you ronal I will make sure the child is safe and well take care of"

ronal " thank you again so much" ronal had nodded her head she soon kissed her daughter goodbye before leaving, it seems like both mother had been affect by the major events of this week.

neytiri " it going to be okay young one" neytiri held you in her arms she was starting to remember the days when all her kids were, this small and so cute. It had been some time since she had laid her oldest son to rest, and she had become very affected by the whole matter.

neytiri " lets hope you don't have to face the hardships of war and the effects of the evil humans that come" since neteyam death neytiri had become more overprotective of her family, she didn't wish to lost anyone else to the demons.

neytiri " you remind me so much of my boy neteyam .... so fill with joy and wonder" you had looked at her giving neytiri and gummy smiling making her smile as well, she remembered when her kids use to smile at her like that.

neytiri " oh did y/n you are a child of the great mother who has blessed you into many people lives" neytiri was sitting down and play with you, watching you splash your hands in a puddle of water. The laughter of a child was something that could bring a smile to anyone at the moment.

neytiri " wait not put that down" neytiri saw you grab a bug as you were trying to eat it but, she had taken it out from your hands. This had made you look sad and soon tears starting coming down from your face.

neytiri " hush little one don't cry it okay it all okay little one" neytiri soon picked you up and started rocking you, trying to make you stop crying and making you happy again.

neytiri " it will be okay it will all be okay" neytiri soon stated signing a lullaby she knew from the forest, and it seems to making you clam down.

????? " neytiri" neytiri soon turned around and saw ronal standing there, it seems like ronal might of been there for a while now. So she saw and heard everything that had happen at the moment.

nwytiri " oh ronal"

ronal " I came to check on my daughter to see how everything was going, but it seems like it going well"

neytiri " ........"

ronal " ......." both mother were looking at each other not saying anything.

ronal " neytiri would you like to go for a walk"

neytiri " yes" the two women soon went for a walk ronal was now holding you in her arms, the two women walking with each other.

ronal " I want to say seeing you so close to my daughter make me uncomfortable"

neytiri " I'm sorry"

ronal " no I'm not mad I feel jealous since my daughter brith I feel like I can't connect with her, and the fear of losing her as well"

neytiri " a parent shouldn't have to lose a child"

ronal " I'm sorry for the death of your son he was a great boy and warrior as well"

neytiri " he was the best your daughter will be great one day, but I fear for her and all the children ... that this war will keep going on and ruin their lives that they wouldn't have normal lives anymore"

ronal " yes many lives had bene lost and destroyed"

neytiri " I wish the children will not have to live during a time of war, but I feel like that going to happen anyways"

ronal " as mother we have to protect our children but there are times, when we can't always keep them safe from harm" ronal ahd kissed your forehead and you were babbling about something.

ronal " my daughter will have to face war when she older and I don't, know how to explain everything that happing to her"

neytiri " you are not alone ronal I have faced that as well when the times comes you will tell her, and but when she older enough this all will be over and she will start the times of peace and harmony"

ronal " I hope so" Both women were sitting on the dock together walking and watching over you as you, were playing with some wooden toys.

neytiri " we are mother we will always love our children and do anything for them, I feel like I failed as mother my son dead"

ronal " you haven't failed neytiri you are good mother and maybe one day you will see him again, just because he no longer here he will never be forgotten" neytiri node her head towards ronal it seems like the two had bonded over something else, as they watched you play and smile. They were hoping that this war will end so all of their children will be safe form harm and that they can live normal lives, and bring back the peace and harmony to pandora.

sorry this request us late I have been busy with my life that I was held up on request, and I was working on other stuff as well.

[theregencywriter]

Whispers of an heiress

Benedict x Y/N

Dear Readers,

As the anticipation for the upcoming season reaches a fever pitch, I find myself compelled to share some intriguing tidings from the esteemed halls of London's high society. Prepare yourselves, for a debutante like no other is set to grace the Ton with her presence.

Whispers of the mysterious and alluring Y/N from the illustrious L/N family have reached my ears, and it appears she is destined to make a striking debut under the watchful eye of none other than the esteemed Bridgerton family. Yes, dear readers, you heard it here first – a debutante who has never tread upon the bustling streets of London is about to take the social scene by storm.

What could have prompted such a debut, you ask? Well, my sources suggest that it is a tale of family connections and newfound alliances. The Bridgertons, known for their impeccable taste and standing in society, seem to have taken Y/N under their wing for the season. One can only wonder what intrigues and scandals will unfold as she navigates the intricate dance of London's high society.

So, fasten your seat belts, dear readers, for the upcoming season promises to be nothing short of captivating. As always, I shall be here, keeping a keen eye on the comings and goings of the Ton, ready to unveil the secrets that lie beneath the glittering facade of Regency London.

Yours in gossip,

Lady Whistledown

—-

Benedict's insistent voice reverberated through the hallway of the Bridgerton residence, the soft glow of candlelight casting a warm ambiance on the polished surfaces and ornate furnishings. The anticipation of the evening hung in the air like a delicate waltz awaiting its first notes.

Outside Eloise's door, Benedict Bridgerton, his tall frame leaning casually against the banister, called out with a mix of impatience and amusement, "Come on, Eloise, we're all waiting for you. The carriage is practically tapping its wheels in impatience, and you know how punctual Mother insists we must be." Behind the door, muffled sounds suggested Eloise was in the final stages of preparation, her chosen gown rustling with the promise of elegance.

Benedict couldn't help but glance down the hallway, where the rest of the Bridgerton siblings stood in various states of readiness. Anthony, the eldest, adjusted the cuffs of his impeccable coat, while Daphne, ever the picture of grace, exchanged a knowing look with her husband, Simon. Colin, always the adventurer, checked his reflection in a nearby mirror, and Francesca stood by, a portrait of quiet sophistication.

"Honestly, Eloise, if you take any longer, we might miss the entire affair," Benedict called out once more, his tone a playful blend of exasperation and affection. The sound of Eloise's door creaking open heralded her appearance, and Benedict couldn't help but flash a wry grin. "There you are," he remarked, his eyes scanning Eloise's ensemble with approval. "Ready to charm the ton, I presume?"

As the Bridgerton siblings gathered, the anticipation heightened. Carriages lined up outside the residence, their polished exteriors reflecting the warm glow of lanterns that adorned the Bridgerton driveway. Benedict, ever the courteous son, extended a gloved hand toward his mother, ready to assist her into the awaiting carriage.

However, Lady Violet Bridgerton gracefully declined his offer with a knowing smile. "My dear Benedict, I'm afraid I shall be joining you all a bit later. I've decided to wait and personally accompany Y/N tonight. It's her debut, after all, and a lady must make a striking entrance."

"Mother, are you certain?" he inquired, a mixture of curiosity and amusement in his voice. Lady Violet nodded, her eyes sparkling with maternal warmth. "Absolutely, my dear. It's a rare occasion for a debutante, especially one unfamiliar with the intricacies of London society. I want to ensure she feels welcomed and supported on this momentous night."

Benedict couldn't help but smile at his mother's kindness and sense of duty. "Very well, Mother. We shall eagerly await your arrival with Y/N. I'm sure the two of you will make quite the entrance." With a nod, Lady Violet gracefully withdrew from the immediate party, her gaze lingering for a moment on her children before she disappeared into the house once more.

As the carriage rolled smoothly through the gaslit streets of London, Benedict turned to his elder brother, Anthony, his curiosity evident in his expression. "Anthony, pray tell, who is this Y/N from the L/N family that Mother is so keen on escorting tonight? I don't recall her name being part of our usual social circles."

Anthony, ever the responsible head of the Bridgerton household, leaned back against his seat, his gaze momentarily distant. "Y/N is the sole inheritor of the L/N estate. Rumor has it that she's been residing in the countryside, managing the family affairs with a level of competence that has garnered admiration but has kept her out of the bustling whirl of London society."

Benedict's interest piqued, and he raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "The countryside, you say? What brings her to London now?" Anthony's expression shifted, a hint of something akin to speculation in his eyes. "It seems she's ready to make her debut, Benedict. Mother has taken it upon herself to introduce her to the ton, ensuring she navigates these waters with the grace befitting a Bridgerton affair. It's a rather unconventional entrance, but Mother has her reasons."

[shslbunnylover]

★★★𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙚 (𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙩𝙤𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙖𝙮 13: 𝙈𝙞𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙭)★★★

Character: Alcina Dimitrescu

Taglist: @inlovewithgreta @lilfartbox1 @marvels--slut

Trigger warnings (DL, DI): Mirror sex, boss/employee dynamics, body image issues, clitoral stimulation, Top Alcina/Bottom reader,

Genre: Smut (With hurt/comfort)

A/n: New character bitches!!

Word count: 1.1k

...

...

It was pornographic the way you were positioned, the way your ass was perfectly laid in between the beautiful pair of legs that belonged to the one and only Alcina Dimitrescu, grinding up against her heated sex. Your body was completely nude except for your black lingerie that was quickly torn off your body with the help of the taller woman's claws that emerged from her fingernails.

"So...do you want to explain why you're here in between my legs?" Alcina asks, her hand finding it's way to grip your chin after retracting her claws back into her hands.

You shake your head with only a whimper trembling from your lips, fully aware of the reason you were in such a lewd state, and it was all because of your own stupid body image. You had been trying really hard, you were trying to care of yourself, you were trying so hard to love yourself for the sake of your own mental health and well-being.

You looked over at your maid's uniform, a black and white colette uniform given to you by your wonderful employer at the Dimitrescu castle, tears threatening to prick at your eyes from the fear you felt of the woman holding you.

"My lady...I assure you my problems won't affect my work in any way," You whimpered, looking forward to face the mirror you and the black-haired woman were propped up in front of.

Alcina growled in response, eyes narrowing as her grip increased on your chin, turning the skin around it slightly red thanks to the pressure.

"I don't care what you assure me, my pet," She replied, sliding her opposite hand to your aching cunt, rubbing her thumb around your sensitive bundle of nerves. "I want an explanation for the reason you were being mean to yourself,"

You shiver under her touch as you're aware of how intoxicating yet terrifying it is.

"It's nothing My Lady, please rest assured that it wouldn't-"

You're once again cut off by the aggressive grip of Alcina pausing your speech in order for her to speak.

"I have already told you little mouse, you are not to be mean to yourself as long as you work for me," Her seductive voice said, the lust and anger in her voice causing for a trail of goosebumps to appear on your back. "Now explain,"

You take a deep breath, eyes finally letting the tears fall as you began to explain, your speech being mixed with the moans caused by Alcina, who was currently rubbing your clit just a bit more aggressively than before.

"I just wish my body was as beautiful as any of the other maids in the castle, they have everything perfect!" You confess, the end of your sentence being a bit higher in pitch thanks to your lewd whimpers and soft cries.

The older woman only hummed in response, letting go of your chin as you quickly hid your face from the sight of the mirror, becoming slightly shocked when Alcina only sped up her pace to suck out all of your whimpers and moans, not even bothering to pick your head up to face the mirror.

"Little mouse, beauty is a construct," She simply said, her voice beginning to soten as her other hand began to caress your thigh. "You're expected to be skinny, but curvy, but no too curvy that you show any weight other than on your butt and breasts. You're expected to have a symetrical face when that's not even possible to achieve. You're expected to have perfect skin but if you cover it with makeup so that you do have perfect skin, you're a liar. There are so many things us ladies are expected to do that I could go hours on about, but the point is that they're all unrealistic."

Your ears perked up a little, your body still on fire from how fast your orgasm was approaching your shaking body.

Alcina had a plan though, and you were unknowingly following each step to the letter.

"You have to love your body, it's the only one you have," The older woman smiled, showing just how much she cared for her favorite maid. "Our smiles are what make us beautiful, along with our sounds, everything else is just a bonus,"

And just as Alcina planned, you spoke up once again.

"But I just am ugly! You don't get it because you're so beautiful!" You cried out, one of your hands covering your mouth to muffle the noises of pleasure that were currently escaping your throat at high volume.

The golden eyed woman smirked, quickly pulling her hand away from your clit, and using her other to pull your head up to face itself in the mirror.

You cried out in pain over the loss of her touch, tears managing to prick at your eyes as you begged for her to pleasure you like she had been doing.

Alcina's eyes narrowed, and you felt a shiver go down her spine at the sudden glare and lack of warmth in her expression.

"Why would I let an ugly girl cum?" She asked, "Why would I pleasure someone who's ugly?"

Your body froze up at that, and your eyes finally locked with themselves in the mirror, and you truly saw a beautiful person. Even with how blissed out and sweaty you were from the older woman's somewhat magical touch, you somehow saw beauty in you. True beauty.

The lady holding you smirked, and she slid her hand down to your clit, beginning to toy with it but at a much slower pace than originally.

"So if you want to cum, you're going to admit that you're beautiful, my little mouse,"

You blushed furiously, and you took a deep breath.

"I'm beautiful,"

More speed was put into Alcina's touch, your moans filling the room as you gripped onto her thighs, watching your pornographic scene that was displayed in the mirror in front of you.

"Thats a good little mouse, now cum for me, cum all over my fingers while screaming about how I was right, how you are truly gorgeous," She cooed, her fingers moving at speeds so quick your brain was practically going haywire.

"You were right! I'm beautiful! I'm beautiful just the way I am! I ahhh~!!!" You screamed, coming completely undone in Alcina's arms.

Her touch was still soft as she looked down at you as you began to curl up in her arms and cry softly from gratitude.

"You're my little mouse, and you are beautiful despite what your brain tells you," She smiled softly in an uncharacteristic way as she licked the white fluid of her fingers.

[turtleblogatlast]

hey!!! this is less of an ask and more of a fic rec tbh 😭 but have you read 'I May be Invisible, but I Still Look Good" by Dandy over on Ao3???? It's after the movie AND Leo-centric and like he gets cursed so his spirit is ripped out of his body. It's like 125k words of wonderful storytelling

OH- but for an actual question, do you have and fic recs?? or any AU's you think people should go check out?

I tried answering this before and it erased my reply orz

ANYWAY YES I HAVE read this and I absolutely love it with every fiber of my being.❤️ 100% one of my top fics to read in this fandom that I even go back to for a reread more than once. The characters are perfectly done and the set up for the story is believable with a fantastic payoff, highly highly highly recommend to anyone who hasn’t read it yet.❤️

As for recs, I’ve always been terrible at giving recs since my memory is very bad especially for ones I haven’t read in a while.😭 Off the top of my head I can recommend (note these are practically entirely Leo-centric since he’s my special guy you understand (the others aren’t forgotten at all though!!!) - and most of these are very very well known so you’ve likely already read them…):

[Note many of these are unfinished and may remain that way - please no one harass the writers for more, let them write at their own pace if they choose to write at all]

- The Neon Void by sugarpastels is absolutely incredible, the dramatic irony of it all as we follow Leo in the state he’s in and see just how broken all the Hamatos are by his “death” is just 👌👌👌 The fact that this places with one of my favorite tropes aka “Leo being in the Prison Dimension longer than canon” is just so good. Genuinely a thoroughly gripping tale that I highly recommend. It’s not complete yet (a lot of this list isn’t) but what is there is so amazing please read (though you most likely have read it already haha)

- little kid with a big death wish and firefight by remrose are another two you’ve likely seen but by god are they worth the read. Firefight isn’t done yet but it and death wish are so amazingly well written and really go into how trauma affects people differently and how ties with family can be tested in traumatic situations. Hard subjects definitely but very maturely done. (Also I misread firefight as firelight for way too long before I realized it-)

- Power Up and Times Five by pickedcarrotsandradish are both unfinished but I can’t care because what we were given is so good that I’m fine with them as they are. Both deal with Leo’s insecurities and bad feelings about himself and, very importantly, the fics go into how these insecurities establish a base for Leo’s very real flaws and how those flaws push him to act the way he does. Very interesting and compelling stuff here!! Power Up especially does really cool things for the boys’ mystic power ups, especially Leo’s, and I loved reading about the ins and outs of what they could do.

- Race Against Life, Death, and the EPF by Cass_Phoenix is just so engaging to read??? Like I love the entire set up for it - it’s feels so fresh and like you’re in Leo’s desperate situation yourself. I was so excited whenever a new chapter came out because the atmosphere was so well done.

- A Mixed Bag by GreatlyBlessed is SHOCKINGLY not Leo-centric for once haha. It’s not completed, but again, like the others above it is so good that I recommend it anyway. This story is actually a crossover between four sets of TMNT (‘87, ‘03, ‘12, and Rise) and the dynamics set up in it are SO fun I love it. Team 2 is my fave because you have literally all my faves on that team how could I not?? I also highly appreciate that everyone gets a chance to shine and that there’s no bashing at all, they’re all just very much in character and it’s refreshing to read ❤️❤️❤️

There’s a LOAD more that I could recommend I’m sure but I don’t remember them off the top of my head at the moment.😭 If I remember I’ll come back and add them in!

(Forgot about AU’s- honestly there’s some that I see and catch up on when I see them but there’s just so many that it’s a bit difficult to keep track of sometimes! I’d have to go around and fully look through many before having a solid answer haha! The ones I do see are always so well done though, I may come back and add them here if I remember 😅)

[thatonebirdwrites]

Some of Lena's Handmade Spells

Going with the Flow: Happiness Spell (Attempt 4)

Majoram for Luck and Happiness.

Masterwort (Hog Fennel) mixed with Yarrow for Courage

Huckleberry crushed with Wintergreen for Hex-breaking

Lavender for Peace and Harmony

Crush all of the above and mix. If not pregnant nor have dermatitis, boil the above and strain. Bathe in the resulting tea or drink (Note to self: experiments did not determine which method improves spell. Perhaps more data points are needed? Four tries seems far too small a sample.). If pregnant and/or have dermatitis either avoid Yarrow or mix into a satchel to wear (Note to self: does satchel wearing actually work? What is the best way to test this hypothesis?)

Recite in language appropriate for magic:

"Release all burdens and negativity. Alleviate all pain and anxiety. Break all hexes that sunder. Restore one's youthful wonder. Amplify all joy and peace. After one day, the spell will cease."

(Note to self: translate into Irish or Latin? Why is Latin used for magic when my people come from an Irish heritage and Rome was a colonizer? Didn't pagan magic exist prior to the existence of Latin? More Research is needed.)

Necessary disclaimer: Kara and anyone reading this, please tread carefully with yarrow as it can impact dermatitis and shouldn't be used if pregnant. (Seriously, Kara, don't you dare touch my herb and berry supply again. I am not liable for your ridiculous prank teas. I'm watching you.)

Note to Lena: I only did the prank teas twice! And in my defense, I had no idea that herb caused diarrhea! You don't really label them with warnings. What if I helped by adding a disclaimer to all your labels to mark which ones are safe to ingest and/or drink?

Note to Kara: If it keeps you busy, then fine, but my notes are specifically for humans since I am a human. I do not have the data to determine what is safe for you to ingest.

Note to Lena: I'm pretty impervious and invulnerable to most things and have an iron stomach. I can even handle poisons that you definitely can't.

Note to Kara: Are you serious?? Did you ingest POISONS?? Please don't do that. I don't care how invulnerable you are. I'd like to not tempt fate. My heart simply cannot take that. Also, these notes defeat the purpose of the spell. I'm trying to restore my youthful wonder and joy and not faint from worry by you testing whether you can poison yourself with my herbs. Thanks.

Note to Lena: That's valid. I'll stop tempting fate.

Results:

Spent one day in a state of joy and wonder. Everything I did felt like I was trying it new, and it brought such happiness. I felt no anxiety or fear the entire twenty-three hours and forty-eight minutes. I discovered, however, that I was incapable of long-term planning. It seems the youthful wonder translated into being caught in the present moment, where I went with the flow. I also discovered a deep eagerness to share my joy with anyone within my vicinity.

Physical affection came much easier and without fear or anxiety or worries about people's perceptions of me. I was able to express my emotions freely in a way I've never done before, which was very mind-opening. Perhaps I need to discern ways to express my emotions more readily in safe settings without magic?

Perhaps an adjustment to spell to allow for planning?

Breaking the Hex of the Luthor Name (Attempt 2)

Note to self: This is probably nonsense. It's not like I can magic away people's memories of how awful and abusive my family was. But maybe I can somehow break any hexes placed on the name that somehow impact me unknowingly? This is my second attempt as I accidentally exploded the mixture the first time. I am unsure as to how that happened. If it happens again, then will adjust ingredients.

Vertivert

Huckleberry

Wintergreen

Shred the above herbs and pound them into a mixture. Burn the mixture and recite the following:

Break all hexes upon the Luthor Name. Sunder all evil eyes upon the Luthor Name. Exorcise all evil cast upon the Luthor Name.

Note to Self: This mixture did not explode! I adjusted the verbiage and verified the pronunciation of all translations into Irish. Latin caused the explosion the first time, and I believe it is because it is a dead language and I cannot locate proper pronunciation guides. Irish is not a dead language and pronunciation guides exist. Irish has also worked well with prior spells I've attempted so why not this one? Also, side note, that spell made me feel a lot lighter and less burdened. Is that wishful thinking on my part or did the spell actually work?

Results:

Four days and twenty minutes since I cast this spell: Donations to my foundation have increased by 120% starting within eight hours of casting my spell. Is this a correlation or causation?

Two months, three days, and sixteen hours since I cast this spell: Donations increased by 202% since last entry in this results column. We've been able to fund so many green energy projects and a ton of medical research! Surely these increases in donations wasn't all due to the spell? Had there been so much hexes on my last name that it impacted my ability to make headway with the foundation? I'm not sure what to think if so. I also am unsure how I would even discern the truth of this or test it in a way that proved causation.

Note from Kara: Lena!!! I totally think this is the spell that broke your stream of bad luck. You probably needed a good hex breaking. I'm so glad you did it!

Note to Kara: Avoid writing in my grimorie -- But Lena, you need outside perspective too for your experiments! I can totally help! -- and stop pouting when I steal my pen back to finish my notes. I will not fall for it. No matter how adorable you look.

Note to Self: Perhaps purchase separate notebook so Kara can write up her reflections on the results of my magic experiments. See if this alleviates her tendency to write in my grimorie.

To Be continued... May write more eventually.