#i wonder if she even after all this still listens to our playlists on a sunday evening

[deadrosessociety]

Our Spotify blends still updates daily and it's such a tender feeling knowing that someway somehow I still know her. I can still answer one question about her. We still somehow discover the same music. And that we can still exist simultaneously

[coriosbunni]

⋆° 𐙚 ₊🕯️ೀ₊°⋆ - on to you

pairings: academy!coriolanus snow x academy!fem!reader warnings: smut, possessive + obsessive coriolanus !!! , toxic coriolanus, breeding, p in v, unprotected sex, fingering, public sex, summary: kind of a part two to " just lay there " but can be read alone ! basically corio and y/n developed a friends w benefits type relationship and they decided to go to a gala with separate dates. authors note : i personally recommend listening to haunted by beyonce during this hehehe, i just love that song sm, it makes me think of coriolanus.. also def listen to "all mine" by brent faiyaz it def suits this and "ultraviolence "by lana del rey ehehe i literally have a whole playlist dedicated to snow so im recommending them <3

you have been having this friends with benefits relationship with your best friend for months now. no one had a clue what was going on between you guys. especially you, you always wondered what it meant to have a fwb with your best friend since childhood. but of course you were always too shy to bring it up just in case it messes everything up. so you kept it safe.

after hooking up plenty of times, coriolanus has gotten pretty comfortable with your body and more secure. probably because he knows that he's the only one that has ever satisfied you. he was so relaxed and calm, while here you were thinking what this meant between yall.

with the end of the year gala coming up, you saw no reason for you two to attend together. after all, you weren't actually together. still, this reality bothered you

what you didn't know was that coriolanus had been building up the courage to ask you to the gala together. it shouldn't be a big deal, but he was hesitating so much. he had put off asking you every time he saw you. the thought of you rejecting him bothered him to no end. it would actually be the end of him.

it was two weeks before the gala that he finally gotten over himself to ask. as he walked down the halls of the academy, he spotted you at your locker talking to sejanus.

"so would you like to go with me to the gala? my mom is insisting i go and i don't want to be alone during that insufferable event with our annoying classmates" he hears you ask sejanus once he was in earshot.

he stood there a few steps behind you, a wave of anger washed over him as he processed what he had just heard. his jaw tightened, and his eyes narrowed, "how could you ask sejanus? you belong to me. and since when were you friends??" he asks himself

he couldn’t help but feel a tang of jealousy as sejanus accepts, glad to attend the gala with a close friend.

your willingness to go with someone other than him, aggravated him. how could you want someone like sejanus to the gala instead of him?a guy from district 2 thats family isn't as well-connected and affluent as the snows. but with no worry, he's quick to come up with a way to get back at you.

"y/n. sejanus. have you seen clemmie?" the boy with blonde locks asked the pair. he blatantly asked them, not even with a hi or a hello.

he refused to look at you after addressing you, solely interested in knowing where clemensia was so he could ask an important question.

of course you noticed the lack of eye contact and his odd behavior, "i believe she was headed to her strategy and tactics class" sejanus remarks. coriolanus nods and says a quick thank you before rushing to catch clemensia.

you look at coriolanus chase after clemensia, hurt and worry bubbling in you chest. you didn’t need to ask your best friend any questions, call it intuition, but you knew what coriolanus needed clemensia for.

you couldn’t help but feel a surge of jealousy at the possibility of your corio taking clemensia to the gala. even though you had already asked someone else to accompany you, it didn't sit well with you.

coriolanus couldn't stop thinking about how angry he was at y/n. he was so mad he couldn't get himself to converse with you, but he needed to be calm so as to not freak out clemensia.

two weeks had passed without y/n and coriolanus sleeping together at all. the conversation between the two people was superficial and lacked any real substance. their pettiness got the best of them, and neither ever mentioned why the other had invited another person to the gala. they both ignored the ache they felt in their hearts upon knowing the other would go to a gala with someone else.

ʚ day of the gala ɞ 🐈‍⬛ ྀི . . .

y/n enters the hallowed halls of the venue, black gate protecting the valuable and expensive statues in the estate. the academy decided to use a section of the school’s art museum to hold the event.

the entrance led to a room with a barrel-vaulted skylight, textured roman travertine marble columns, and greek inspired capitals. it’s a space so big it feels divine. excitement was slowly building up within her, she did her best not to worry about coriolanus and just enjoy the night.

sejanus and y/n walks up the white concrete stairs, arms interlocked. a white pocket square on his left pocket to match her white silky backless dress. there was no doubt in the world they looked elegant and beautiful together.

coriolanus was getting drinks for him and clemensia, when he makes eye contact with y/n as she enters the venue. his eyes watching her every move, distracted by how the dress hugs her form in all the right places. the dress is accentuating her beautiful features that he has had the luck of touching from their nights together.

not to mention your exposed back, god it made it hard for him not to just grab you and take you in front of every one right there. the time away from each other was catching up to him, filling his days with a longing that seemed to grow stronger with each passing moment.

he turned his attention back to clemensia and headed to her. she stood in her red dress, covered in gold jewels that pairs well with her styled black hair. the white rose pinned to coriolanus's lapel perfectly complemented the white dress of the girl he desired the most.

the night went by without him spending at least a moment thinking about you. when he sees you laughing at whatever sejanus said to you, he'd think about how that should be you laughing at his jokes.

upon noticing your solitude, he abruptly interrupted Clemensia mid-conversation, using it as an excuse to excuse himself. he walks straight to you, not wasting a single moment.

consumed by jealousy, he couldn't bear to let it linger any longer, feeling it overwhelm him completely.

he stands right in front of you. "y/n can we talk?" he asks, masking his anger but you could tell he had enough.

"why? what is there to talk about?" you couldn't believe him. he didn't say a single word to you during the entire night, even when you had came by him and clemensia. he couldn't possibly think you'd be okay with this treatment.

you scoff in his face and coriolanus took this chance to put his hand on your back to guide you outside. you start protesting but it was quickly shut done when he shoots you a face. his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes had this look in them.

it reminded you of when he'd be fucking into you with all his might.

he leads you outside to a quiet corner, far from the sounds of a hundred or so academy students drunk off their ass.

his jaw clenches, a flash of jealousy darkening his expression before he speaks again. "don't play dumb, y/n. I saw you with him," his tone accusing and bitter.

your heart sinks at his words, the weight of his jealousy heavy in the air between you. "and what if you saw me with him?" you counter, your own anger rising to match his. "what right do you have to be angry?"

he scoffs, his eyes narrowing with resentment. "right? you're kidding, right?" he retorts, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "you know damn well why i'm angry."

you shake your head, frustration bubbling up inside you. "i can't believe you," you mutter, unable to comprehend his possessiveness. you feel a surge of frustration and resentment rising within you, the weight of his jealousy suffocating. "you made it pretty clear where we stand."

his eyes darken, a flash of anger crossing his features, but also a glimmer of hurt. "don't do this, y/n," he warns, his voice low and dangerous. "you know damn well I'm not the only one at fault here."

your breath catches in your throat at his words, the tension between you escalating to a fever pitch. "maybe not," you concede, your voice barely above a whisper, "but you didn't have to ignore me all night."

as the tension mounts between you, his eyes burning with intensity. "you have no idea how hard it was for me to hold myself back," he admits, his voice low and filled with desperation. "seeing you with him... it made me want to tear him apart."

you feel a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins, the air thick with unspoken desire and pent-up frustration. "Then why didn't you?" you challenge, your body trembling with anticipation.

he closes the distance between you in an instant, his hands finding itself on your waist, his touch electric against your skin. "because I knew I had to make you understand," he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours in a feather-light caress. "you're mine, rose. and no one else's."

his words send a shiver down your spine, igniting a firestorm of longing and need deep within you. "am i?" you ask, your voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart. you finally ask him what you've been wanting since the beginning of your arrangement.

and then, in a rush of passion and desperation, his lips crash against yours, fierce and demanding, consuming you in a whirlwind of emotion. there's anger and frustration in the way he kisses you, a primal need to possess and claim you as his own.

he pulls away, catching his breath, "you've been mine since the day i met you bunny," his face still close to yours. his lips connect to yours, dominating you with his kisses. owning you and devouring you as his love for you soars.

he pushes you to a wall, your back against it. he bunches up your dress at your hips and his fingers find itself on your core. as he feels your wetness, he chuckles to himself, glad to still see the effect he has on you. "all this for me baby? hmm?" he asks.

you nod at him, unable to speak because of your trembling figure thats desperate for his touch. he tuts in respond, "come on princess use your words."

he moves to pull your panties to the side, now touching your bare clit, making your thighs tremble, “i need— fuck, i need you— inside.”

he kisses the sides of your neck, his aura radiating dominance and his touch was electrifying, each motion of his fingers inside you ignited a fire through your veins. you moan at the feeling of his fingers stretching you out— preparing you to take his big cock once again.

despite the amount of times you've hooked up with him, you were always enveloping his cock like a vice. he continued pumping his fingers in and out of your heat. your hands tangling in his hair as you pull him closer, lost in the heat of the moment. it's a battle of wills and desires, a collision of two souls bound together by passion and longing.

he takes his fingers out of your and leads it up to your mouth, waiting for you to suck on his fingers like the good little girl you are.

and you do. you open your mouth, and taste yourself on his fingers. you match his gaze while doing the lewd act— making his cock harden even more, if it was even possible, at the sight.

the image of you sucking his fingers was his breaking point, he positions himself between your thighs, his hands firmly grabbing both of your legs and wrapping it around him, giving him more access to your wet cunt.

he locked eyes with you, a mix of desire and possessiveness swimming in his gaze. "you're mine, bunny," he growled, his voice filled with a primal possessive drive.

he groans at the feeling of you around him. you missed the feeling of his big cock inside you, "fuck me—please fuck me hard" you repeatedly beg.

he moves closer to kiss you and thrust in you fast and hard just like you asked. he was consumed by a deep, unrelenting desire, every moment with your desperate plea for more, as if he could never get enough of you.

you match his intensity with equal fervor, tugging on his hair harder.

"missed this tight pussy so much, princess," he whispers in your ear as his thrusts faster.

your moans were a symphony of desire, each sound escaping your lips like a soft, melodic plea for more. they were raw and unrestrained, filled with a longing that resonated deep within him.

every moan seemed to vibrate through the air, a testament to the intense pleasure she was experiencing, and each one sent a shiver of exhilaration down his spine.

"you take me so well bunny— f-fuck," he lets out, his pace unrelenting, determined to make you cum on his cock. he whispers "mine" over and over again, his voice a husky, possessive murmur that sent shivers down her spine.

each repetition, timed with his thrusts, was filled with a fierce, undeniable claim, as if he was branding you with every movement.

his grip on your legs tightened, and he groaned as he felt you submit to him completely, his body driving into yours in a primal and possessive rhythm.

"is this what you want princess? taking everything i give you with such good obedience," his own desire reigniting at the sound of her moans. his pace picked up again.

coriolanus noticed the way you nod urgently at him, unable to speak from how good he was fucking you. his grin widened at this, more praises rolling off his tongue. "now say it back to me bunny."

"'m your obedient little girl" you respond with pleasure and excitement in your eyes.

he places a kiss on your neck, his tongue tracing a line up to your earlobe, "tell me who you belong to."

"i-i belong to you corio" you moan loud, his dominance and possessiveness turning you on even more.

his movements become more urgent, more forceful, the sound of your bodies slapping together just a few steps away from the gala.

"fuck! i wanna—wanna cum for you please" you begged, nearing your release

coriolanus groans lowly in response, his own body teetering on the edge as he continues to drive into you. " i know baby—i can feel you tighten around me"

"you're so close. you're going to cum for me." he breathes, his eyes lock with yours, possessing your gaze and your body. "but you're not coming until i say so." you groan in response, unable to hold it any longer and you shake your head no in response.

he grinned wickedly at your inability to contain yourself, "you can do it bunny, you can take it for me," he encourages you.

his words push you further—submitting to his cruelty, drunk at the pleasure that he's giving you. "good bunny," he praised huskily, his voiced edged with desire.

"that's my good girl. take it all for me. just a little longer. don't be too loud now, we wouldn't want anyone catching us don't we?" he asks, his pace both punishing and deliciously slow; a mixture of pleasure and edging.

coriolanus moaned at the sight of your struggle, his own body pulsating with a mix of desire and need. his gaze darkened further as he watched you fighting against the waves of pleasure. "do you wanna cum for me?"

"y-yes please i want to so badly" you begged

coriolanus couldnt hold back any longer; the sight of your begging, the sound of your moans, it was all too much. with a low groan, he gave in to your shared desire. "now, bunny. cum for me."

his body tense, and as your climax hit you both powerfully and intensely, your bodies shook with wave upon wave of blinding pleasure. coriolanus held onto you tightly, claiming you as his own. "thats my good girl," he groaned, his voice a mix of breathless satisfaction and possessive love.

coriolanus held you as your bodies rode out the waves of your climax, his touch was reverent as he traced lazy patterns along your sides, his lips placing gentle kisses on any exposed skin he could find.

"are you okay baby?" he murmured softly, his voice warm and affectionate. "more than okay," you smiled up at him. content and pleasure running your veins.

coriolanus chucked softly, his heart swelling with fondness for you. he pulls out of you and fixes both you and him up before heading back inside but not without a kiss on your forehead.

hand in hand, you walk back into the gala, the warmth and light enveloping them as you stepped inside, ready to celebrate your newfound love amidst the festive atmosphere.

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Blurbs: Smile

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Summary: Joe’s learning his new girlfriend's ways, along with attempting to get bonus points with her dad.

Warnings: Pure fluff, illusions to smut at the end

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Misc.

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April 9, 2024

Y/n and I have been together for a month.

We met at a party Sam had at his house a few months back, she was his girlfriend’s college roommate and they were best friends still today.

The second I’d laid eyes on y/n, I was taken aback by her beauty.

Sam had noticed, and a sly smile was on his lips when he spoke the words I’d forever be thankful for.

“Go talk to her. She’s single.” - Sam

I had done as Sam said, and we hit it off immediately. By the end of the night, I worked up the courage to ask for her number.

Eventually, I asked her out on a date, and we ended up having the best time.

The rest is history and now we've been dating for a month.

We have a lot in common, but I realized the other day that we don't have the same taste in music.

I liked rap, pop, indie.

On the other hand, y/n loved oldies. Old rock, old soul, and anything 60’s, 70’s, 80’s.

I learned that the other day when I picked her up from her apartment to hang out at my place.

When she was in my passenger seat, y/n controlled the music, and when she shuffled her playlist, I realized I knew nothing.

“Do you know this?” - you

“Uh… no.” - Joe

“You’ve never heard My Girl by The Temptations?!” - you

After she left that night, I found the exact song that she played earlier. Y/n told me it was one of her favorite songs, and I knew I had to learn it.

1965?! Jesus…

I played it over and over. Over and over.

At the gym, in the shower, in my car, over a speaker at the house, in my headphones while playing video games. I was listening to this song as much as possible.

At times, I wondered why I was going through all of this trouble, but the song answered it for me.

My girl, my girl, my girl.

——

“Joey!!” - you

“Hey, baby.” - Joe

Y/n just arrived at my place for the evening and our sleepover. I was in the kitchen preparing dinner and for the rest of the day. We’d eat dinner together and probably cuddle for a bit before going to sleep.

If only she knew the surprise I had in store for her.

“I missed you.” - you

“Missed you too.” - Joe

She wrapped her arms around my middle as mine went to her waist. When y/n pulled away, I leaned down and kissed her soft lips. The chokehold this woman has on me is insane.

“C’mere, I wanna show you something.” - Joe

“What is it?” - you grin

I took her hand and led her to the middle of the kitchen, waking away for a second to click play on my phone that was connected to my speaker.

Her face lit up immediately when she heard the beginning of one of her favorite songs.

“What are you doing?” - you giggled

“C’mere. Dance with me.” - Joe

“You don't know this song!” - you

She said that just as the lyrics started, and y/n was surprised to see me sing along with it.

“What are you doing?” - you

“Dance with me!” - Joe

The look of surprise never left y/n’s face as she joined me in dancing around the kitchen.

I spun her around and pulled her close, dipping her shortly after.

“This is so fun.” - you grinned

“I’m surprised you're able to dance with me, I have two left feet.” - Joe

“You’re perfect, I promise.” - you

We grinned as we sang the chorus to each other, I could tell that y/n was loving every second of this.

Talkin’ ‘bout my girl, my girl

Y/n stepped back and spun around before running back into my arms, a slight pain in my cheeks from how much I was smiling.

In the last fifteen seconds of the song, we stood still, y/n’s arms around my neck and her hands connected at my nape while my arms were around her waist. Our foreheads rested against each other as we stared into each other’s eyes.

As the song faded out, we leaned in, and our lips softly met together. The beginning of a kiss and the ending of the song.

Y/n’s voice was quiet as she spoke, her voice muffled since her face was now pressed to my chest.

“That was the sweetest thing a guy’s ever done for me.” - you

“Yeah?” - Joe smiled

“I can’t believe you learned that whole song for me.” - you

“Well, after a conversation with your dad, he told me that you wanted that song at your wedding, so that means I kinda have to learn it.” - Joe

I regretted saying it as soon as it left my lips; we'd only been together for a month and never once talked about a future. Fuck I've messed up.

Y/n pulled away from my chest and looked up at me, the look in her eyes made my heart stop.

“Wait- forget I said that, I'm sorry.” - Joe

“No. No, it's okay.” - you smiled

I nervously laughed, the super breathy kind that tells on your emotions.

“Yeah?” - Joe

“Yeah. You're right, better to learn it sooner than later.” - you grinned

“You wanna marry me someday?” - Joe

“When the time comes, yes. There's a lot I want to do before that day rolls around, but I can’t picture walking down the aisle to anyone else.” - you

“Good. You don't think we're rushing things by having this conversation after only being together for a month?” - Joe

“You can't rush the inevitable, baby.” - you

I thought for a few seconds before blurting out something I'd been thinking since the moment I laid eyes on this woman.

“I love you.” - Joe

My heart was beating out of my chest when her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped.

“Y-you do?” - you

“Yes, we just talked about marrying each other didn't we?” - Joe chuckled

I laughed to cover up my nervousness, but I don't think it worked. She hasn't said it back yet. If she was going to wouldn't she have said it back by now?

“Do you… do you love me?” - Joe

Y/n’s face fell from shock to amused, a laugh escaping her lips in the process.

“Wait- shit. Did I not say it back yet?” - you

“No.” - Joe states, face not changing

“Oh! I must've just said it in my head then, I was a little in shock.” - you giggled

Laughing together, when we settled down, I stared at her and waited for her to say it back.

“I love you too, Joe.” - you smiled

——

Later that night, y/n was in the shower, and I was already in bed.

I grinned to myself as I clipped the video I secretly took earlier when we were dancing in the kitchen.

Better cut it off before we kiss, I thought to myself.

Pulling up her dad’s contact in my phone, I sent him the video and a small text with it.

I'm learning! :)

I waited for his reply, a little nervous to see what he'd say back. I knew he liked me, but this was still his daughter we were dealing with.

When my phone vibrated, I immediately picked it up and clicked on his message.

Atta boy! I haven’t seen her smile like that in a long time, and I know it's because of you that she lights up like that again. Thank you for giving my daughter the treatment she deserves.

There’s nothing I love more than making her smile, she's already such a big part of my life. You're welcome, by the way, she deserves nothing but the best.

She feels the same way about you, son. I know she's spending the night at your house tonight, by the way, and I wasn't born yesterday, so stay safe. 👍

Will do. 😂

Just as I hit send, the door of the bathroom opened, but the shower was still on.

Y/n poked her head out of the door with a playful grin on her face.

“I know I'm supposed to be showering, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Wanna hop in with me?” - you winked

“Oh, hell yeah!” - Joe

I jumped off of the bed and ran towards the bathroom, simultaneously shoving my boxers down my legs. Y/n giggled as I chased after her and jumped into the shower.

She wrapped her arms around my neck as was started making out, the water flowing over our bodies.

“I was just talking to your dad.” - Joe

“Joe, why would you talk about my dad right before we're probably about to have sex?!” - you

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Authors note: I wrote down one of my maladaptive daydreams… 💀

This came from my own head! 💞

[silantryoo]

BONUS [ LIKEALOOK ] — around sounds nice

FINALS: Seoul's Univeristy of Multi-Arts (SUMA) VS. Yonsei University

WARNINGS ; suggestive(ish), mentions of revenge p*rn (4.1k)

for the first time in a while, jang wonyoung was excited to play volleyball.

it was an odd feeling, in retrospect. volleyball, at least for the past three or so years, weighed on her back like her last name. it was full of expectations, of goals that she didn't set (or was forced to, anyway).

it was suffocating, humiliating. the sport that proved her comfort, that provided her safety, was one of the causes of her stress as of late.

yet suddenly, now that yoo jimin was out of the picture...

wonyoung was glad that the locker room didn't seem like a battlefield anymore.

"i see the hickeys haven't faded." yujin snickered, her face now littered in fading bruises, and the cut on her eyebrow and lip healing nicely.

wonyoung blushed. as much as she hated jimin, part of her wished that she would pop up to shut yujin up.

"do you have to mention that every time?"

her fingers traced over the marks on her neck, wonyoung's face burning as she remembered the hours with y/n, alone in her dorm room. she knew it was a goodbye, the older girl's fleeting touches a reminder of y/n's worsening mental state, and wonyoung's inability to do anything.

wonyoung shook her head. now wasn't the right time, not when yonsei was here.

yujin nodded as if what wonyoung said was already a known fact. "absolutely."

"you shouldn't even be talking to me, unnie." wonyoung mumbled. "coach said no talking with the members."

yujin pouted, slumping down next to gaeul who was currently listening to her pregame playlist. the taller girl wrapped her arm around her girlfriend, trying not to sulk.

she knew that she was single-minded. all of her thoughts were about volleyball and gaeul. although she finally got to talk to her girlfriend again, yujin was dying to play.

besides, she was the captain.

"well," she huffed, gaeul rubbing her back to calm her down. "coach said me and jimshit can sit on the bench today, so i think i'm off probation."

wonyoung shook her head as she laced up her shoes. "is that what you told gaeul-unnie?"

yujin sulked more, and wonyoung couldn't help but wonder how gaeul managed to put up with her for her entire probation.

(wonyoung always seemed to have found yujin outside the building right after practices, quite literally kicking rocks.)

the door swung open, coach seulgi glancing around as the girls huddled. everyone knew who she was looking for, a certain raven-haired, rage-fueled demon nowhere to be found.

seulgi knew what to expect. the season was tough on her star players and the inner conflict between her team, but she hoped that jimin was still that girl she had heard about so long ago.

after all, she accepted this position to work with yoo 'the ace of korea' jimin.

"girls," she smacked her coach board as she sat, garnering their attention. "i know you all probably have nerves, especially since two of our players are gone-"

"nothing we haven't dealt with before, coach seul." yena puffed out her chest, and everyone could see the uncanny resemblance between her and a certain semi-aquatic bird.

"don't call me that." seulgi shook her head, watching as chaeryeong hit yena's shoulder. "look, we've played against yonsei. we know that they're the only team this year that has a good roster with great plays and a good coach. we've went through their playbook, their rotations, and i know we're down two, but we have something they don't have."

jinsol's hand shot up in the air, an aura of seriousness clouding her. "the power of friendship?"

hikaru, thankfully, lowered the taller girl's hand.

"do any of us look like colorful horses?" hanni couldn't believe that jinsol was her best friend.

"they were ponies, actually." haewon interrupted, her voice monotone. the words flew out of her mouth, but the stares of her teammates made it register almost immediately. "what?"

like usual, seulgi ignored them. she was used to their liveliness, anyway. "we have resilience. we have brains and brawn."

yunjin pointed to her left. "jinsol has a 2.0 gpa."

"enough about my gpa."

"don't let your nerves get to you out there, okay?" seulgi scolded, pointing at all of them (but more specifically, wonyoung). "i know it's easier said than done, but you need to look out for each other. remember that it's my job to yell, and yours to play."

"aye, aye, coach."

seulgi rolled her eyes, yena's voice loud and clear. she was gonna miss the older girl, but she hoped that this year, she'd pass her classes so seulgi would never have to see her again.

that is, unless yena decided to pursue volleyball beyond university.

a shiver went down her spine.

shaking the thought off, her gaze moved to wonyoung. her eyebrow raised at the faded marks on her neck, but the coach was just glad that wonyoung had enough decency to try to hide it (unlike other members on the team).

"any words for us, cap?"

wonyoung looked at yujin, who stared back at her. she frowned and looked around the room before remembering that she was the fill-in.

"oh." she cleared her throat. wonyoung wracked her brain for anything she could think of, but she was never the leading type. she never understood how yujin could do it so effortlessly. "um, i know this year has been hard for us, more than others... but we've gotten this far. even if we don't win, we've learned from this. our team is smarter than theirs, stronger."

she didn't think they would win. they needed yujin, and although she hated to admit it, they needed jimin. aside from herself, they had lost the top two scorers on their team. they had lost yujin, their all-rounder, and jimin, their star player. sure, yunjin was back, but with her being out for sixty percent of the season, it wasn't enough.

yonsei had everyone. they had the fifth and eighth-ranked hitters on their team, and a competent setter with an amazing playbook. their defense, from what she remembered last game, was near impenetrable. even their coach was an olympian, much like seulgi.

they had barely won, and that was with yujin and jimin.

yet with all the odds stacked against wonyoung, she couldn't help but feel excited for what was to come.

with a soft smile, wonyoung spoke.

"it's a win either way for me."

y/n thought the drums during the last suma versus yonsei game was bad, but somehow, this was so much worse.

everything was brighter, louder than before. the crowd littered with painted faces, a distinguishable divide between red and blue. the signs were bigger this time, and from where she stood, she could see at least a dozen shirtless men on the yonsei stands.

('what's wrong, suma? scared? jealous?')

behind her, loud yells could be heard, chants of 'vicky' and 'yawnsei' being shoved into her ears. y/n didn't mind the 'yawnsei' part. in fact, if she weren't so busy dying from overheating, she'd join in.

she just wished those stupid 'vicky' fangirls would stop chanting wonyoung's name over and over again.

the lights dimmed, the first few players coming out, wonyoung being one of them.

suddenly, the shrieking got louder, and y/n couldn't help but roll her eyes.

she was thankful for uchinaga aeri, and y/n was genuinely excited to sit next to wonyoung's long-time friend. aeri was caring and was the reason why y/n was even functioning at this point.

she just wished aeri didn't pick a spot close to the 'vicky' fanclub, even if her friend was in the group.

y/n took a sip of her water, her eyes never leaving wonyoung's figure.

she couldn't help but smile as the volleyball player looked her way. it quickly faded, however, the fan club behind her suddenly begging for wonyoung's hand in marriage.

y/n grumbled. "so annoying."

aeri and alex glanced at each other, their eyes meeting knowingly.

aeri snickered, nudging the young actress. "you only think they're annoying because they're holding cardboard cutouts of your girlfriend."

"no!" y/n tried to deny it as best as she could, but she knew her face betrayed her. it didn't help that she remembered some random girl with a 'vicky' necklace.

she took a breath, the atmosphere of the gym heightening her already intense emotions for wonyoung. y/n didn't have a right of feel this way, to act as if her love meant something when she herself didn't mean anything to wonyoung anymore.

"she's not my girlfriend."

still, wonyoung was a past that y/n would live over and over again if she could.

yuri, who hadn't been listening much to whatever the hell was going on, scanned the team as they gathered at the bench. she could see yujin clear as day. the girl looked taut, obviously frustrated but keeping sane.

"damn it." yuri groaned, fishing out a thousand won bill. "jimin's not on the bench."

"told you that ass wouldn't show." alex took the bill out of yuri's hand, smirking lightly as she high-fived aeri.

"wait a second." chaewon took a closer look at wonyoung, noticing some... odd shadows. "are those hickeys on wonyoung's neck?"

all of them: rei, jiwon, yuri, minju, chaewon, alex, and aeri, glanced at y/n. most of them already knew what happened, being told one way or another. it was just funny to focus on the evidence instead of the truth.

"what?" y/n covered her neck. it felt hot, a blush creeping up. "what?"

minju rolled her eyes, turning her gaze back onto the sea of blue. she was proud of y/n decision. it just took her by surprise that the younger girl wasn't jumping at the chance to get back with wonyoung.

ever since she's known y/n, she was always wonyoung's. her l/n y/n. minju's impression never changed, even when y/n was with jimin.

the stands across from them moved in unison. it looked like an optical illusion, their blue shirts, sweaters, and face paint making it hard to distinguish one from another. the only thing minju could differentiate from the crowd was the cutouts of the yonsei players.

the crowd moved to stand as yonsei's captain began to speak.

almost immediately, minju's eyes shot to the top left, a hidden corner that no one would notice. that is, if they stood up.

minju nudged yuri from beside her, gesturing to where she was looking at.

they could see it, them. a pair of bored, hatred-filled eyes stared into the court, into wonyoung while another scoured through suma's stands, searching for something.

jiwon followed their gaze, landing on the couple(?).

"is that jimin?"

rei rubbed her shoulder as the younger kim flinched at her own words, not used to the lack of formality. it wasn't that jimin deserved respect, of course not. she knew that jiwon was too nice for her own good.

maybe that's why she loved her so much.

"with her hand on minjeong's waist? yeah." yuri muttered, huddling closer to the kim's and away from y/n. she didn't want to remind her of jimin, after all. "that freak is insane."

minju looked at her girlfriend, the reminders of what she and jimin did lingering. she told no one what she woke up to the night after they confronted minjeong. she didn't even tell chaewon.

even though she deleted it, the videos were still engrained in her mind. it was a copious amount of videos, all of which she watched through.

she knew that her and chaewon weren't together then. minju knew they had technically broken up. yet, as irrational as it was, she just wanted chaewon to wait for her to get better.

she shook her head. minju didn't want to think about that, but would rather listen to her girlfriend's conversation.

"so," chaewon smiled at y/n. sue her for being nosy. "since you and wonyoung have matching love bites, i'm guessing that means you two are back together?"

"no." y/n shook her head. "we aren't."

"huh?" yuri's head perked up. y/n, like always, never updated the group chat when she needed to. granted, yuri was throwing every threat under the sun at minjeong at any given moment, but she would've paused to catch up with her friends. "that's stupid as hell."

minju elbowed her. "yuri."

"what?" yuri glared at her friend. "those idiots love each other."

y/n burned a bright red once more. her love was plain as day, as clear as snow. it burned proudly, even to the point where it was willing to consume anyone in its way.

"it was my decision." y/n wasn't gonna let it burn wonyoung, not if she could help it. "i wasn't gonna put wonyoung through all my hurt."

"you two could've worked through it, like me and yena."

"maybe." y/n looked onto the court, smiling as wonyoung goofed off. she hadn't been like that since the beginning of freshman year. "but i'd rather miss her than hurt her, even if it's by accident."

minju looked at chaewon.

oh.

wonyoung didn't know how long that stupid ball had been up in the air.

it hadn't even reached the first kill, yet somehow, yonsei had managed to get a rally going. their libero had managed to barely receive chaeryeong's jump serve, giving suma a free ball.

gaeul immediately knew that wonyoung wanted it. she could feel her demeanor change, but it was something she's never seen before. it was ravenous, just like jimin had been. wonyoung seemed to have the sharpness that she's always lacked, the ferocity.

yet this was different from jimin's.

the ace was bound by her rage. her obsession with being the yoo jimin, of having something to prove to her dad everyone weighed on her like chains.

wonyoung seemed free.

gaeul set the ball.

it was too high. her nerves got to her. the lack of yujin's presence, of her lover and of her captain, got to her. she felt it the moment the leather left her fingertips, her arms too taut. the numbness turned cold as her fingers buzzed.

still, wonyoung somehow managed to reach it.

the ball rocketed, nearly straight down. it hurled and before wonyoung could blink, yonsei's libero managed to get under it, tossing it up into the air.

another free ball, in favor of suma.

yet again, they did the same thing. this time, gaeul had set up yunjin.

received again.

a setter dump.

received again... and again, and again.

suma couldn't keep the energy up, and soon, by sheer exhaustion, the ball was spiked out of bounds by wonyoung herself.

she could practically hear jimin taunting her in the crowd as the whistle blew. the chants to her left got louder, the sea of blue ridiculing her.

wonyoung took a breath.

they weren't losing too badly.

after the first set went to yonsei, suma managed to bounce back with two in a row. although close, 25-23 and 27-25 respectively, a win was still a win.

unfortunately, yonsei had switched to a different setup. from all the footage they had watched, yonsei had never fully committed all their best defensive players at one time until now. they had always been known for their attack, even with their amazing defense.

they had managed to lock wonyoung down, always ensuring that three blockers were in front of her at all times. somehow, they jumped higher than before, but that only meant one thing to wonyoung.

she had to jump higher.

still, it took an entire set to adjust, to find her rhythm once more.

2-2, suma and yonsei tied.

wonyoung listened to the ball as one of the yonsei players (one she's sure gaeul had hooked up with multiple times) dribbled, getting ready to serve. the outside hitter glanced at the score, sweat dripping down her neck.

29-30, in favor of yonsei.

she glanced back onto the ball, digging her feet into the ground as a loud smack permeated the crowded gym. wonyoung's heart was pumping, her nerves somehow more tired than her legs.

the ball went over her head, straight into haewon's arms. she could see the bruises starting to form on her teammate's forearms.

she felt sluggish, yet she still took a step back. her feet were firmly placed on the attack line, arms back and ready to jump.

gaeul, despite the soreness accumulating in her shoulders, set wonyoung a bit higher than usual. she knew that she could reach it, that she was willing to. wonyoung wasn't gonna go down without a fight, even if that meant ripping her muscles apart.

wonyoung slams her hand onto the ball, feeling it rip through yonsei's trembling hands.

it was perfect, it should've been, but that stupid libero, the one that always seemed to bait out wonyoung's most powerful spikes, reaches out for it. it barely touches her flat hand on the ground, sending the ball flying on the very edge of the net.

both sides watch as it threatens to fall. both sides pray for a break, for a second to gather their thoughts. they want - need - it to drop on the other side.

the ball tips, and everyone scrambles to get it up.

but they were too tired.

the whistle blows, and a heaviness enters wonyoung.

29-31.

she'd never tell the girls, but wonyoung had fun losing.

of course, she'd prefer to win. all the pain and hard work made it worth it, and she would've loved to hold the trophy up with her teammates. sure, it would've been made of cheap plastic, but at least it was shiny.

still, the lack of expectation: a place without her parents' watchful eyes, without yoo jimin hounding her for every mistake she made...

wonyoung had forgotten how fun volleyball could be.

(she also forgot how emotional it could get. an example: hanni currently crying in the change room as coach seulgi tried to console her.)

wonyoung stepped out of victor's hall, trying to ignore the stares that some of the suma body was giving her.

"unnie!"

wonyoung turned around, a slightly shorter girl, one with the same smile as her, approached. she carried a baby blue banner, her face plastered onto it haphazardly.

'go wonyoung-unnie!'

she smiled, waving at the older woman with puppy dog eyes that followed behind her.

"hyunseo." wonyoung hugged the younger girl, warmth spreading through her chest. "you came."

hyunseo nodded, waving her arms animatedly. "yeojin-unnie managed to convince our parents as long as she gives me a good word to snu's dean."

"of course they did." wonyoung smiled at yujin's sister. "hi, unnie."

"hey." yeojin patted her shoulder. it was weird seeing wonyoung look so grown up. "great game, wonyoung. i'm sorry that you lost."

surprisingly, wonyoung wasn't as upset as she thought she would have been. she was used to the guilt and incompetence brewing in her stomach, but whether it was the joy of her baby sister watching or the fact that she was still reeling from the goodbye with y/n, wonyoung didn't know.

"it's okay." the volleyball player shrugged, ruffling hyunseo's hair. hyunseo pushed her off. "we would've won if the circumstances were different."

"yeah, if yujin wasn't getting in random fights." yeojin couldn't believe her little sister. "where is that loser anyway?"

"with her girlfriend."

yeojin paused. yujin never mentioned a girlfriend before.

"she didn't tell you?" wonyoung tilted her head as she wiped her face. "gaeul-unnie-"

"kim gaeul?!" yeojin's eyes widened. her nearly failing, jock of a sister was dating the daughter of two of the most renowned lawyers in korea? "how the hell did yujin manage to pull her? she's got the brain of a mutt! yujin's gonna water down her brain cells!"

wonyoung didn't want to agree (but deep down she did). "yujin-unnie's gotten better, i think."

"whatever." yeojin shook her head. "where are they?"

she blushed, not wanting to think about the fact that they were most likely in some stall a mere ten meters away from them.

"just, um..." wonyoung cleared her throat. "give them a moment to themselves."

"oh."

hyunseo looked at her older sister curiously before wonyoung shook her head. hyunseo was bound to learn it in school if she hadn't already, wonyoung was not about to teach her.

"wonnie."

wonyoung spun around at the speed of light. her brain registered the voice before she did, but she didn't mind. she'd never pass up an opportunity to not speak to y/n.

"y/nnie?" wonyoung grinned, her heart fluttering. "hey."

she wondered throughout the game whether y/n was watching. after all, she had never missed one of wonyoung's games. granted, she was dating someone on the team, but wonyoung had the right to be a little delusional.

it didn't help much now, though. they both knew it was over (for now).

"you played amazing." y/n handed her an ice pack. "for your knee."

some things never changed.

"right." wonyoung grabbed it gently, awkwardly holding it as hyunseo pushed past her.

"y/n-unnie!"

hyunseo had met y/n a couple of times, wonyoung introducing her as her 'friend'. she wasn't stupid, she saw the heart eyes they gave each other, and the subtle hand holding.

"hi, hyunnie." y/n squeezed her lightly, pulling back. last year, hyunseo was only a centimeter taller than her. now, she was nearly wonyoung's height. "wow... you've gotten tall."

"i have." hyunseo smirked, glancing at her older sister. wonyoung rolled her eyes. "the doctors say i'll be taller than wonyoung-unnie one day."

"i can see it."

the actress glanced at wonyoung. even after everything, y/n couldn't help but notice how adorable the taller girl was.

"hyunseo, me and y/n are gonna talk, okay?" wonyoung looked at yeojin for help, the older ahn nodding and ushering hyunseo away. "i'll meet you guys out front after."

"okay."

hyunseo gave her one last hug before wonyoung moved her and y/n back into victor's hall.

y/n stared at the ice pack, the athlete leaning against the wall as it melted in her hands.

"you played well," she whispered, fiddling with her fingers.

"you say that every time." wonyoung could feel the water forming inside the bag, albeit slowly. "we lost, y'know?"

she didn't know what she was talking about anymore, but it certainly didn't feel like it was volleyball.

"i know." y/n smiled, and she felt as if this was the last time she would ever smile at wonyoung. "but that's not on you. you did your best."

her best didn't get her the girl back.

no matter how hard she tried, so many things were out of her power. she didn't have control of how people perceived her, of how people felt about her. she couldn't control her teammates' conditions, nor their injuries.

in some way or another, she was always gonna be imperfect.

"did i?"

she hoped that somewhere in the future, she could live with it.

"you did." y/n was always so sure of her. she never doubted wonyoung in the ways she doubted herself. "you did amazing. you're amazing."

the actress looked into her eyes, watching her as if she were an old video. a tape that she finally found once more after months of searching.

the air tasted bittersweet. it smelt stale, and sweat clung to both their backs like the lingering hope they both felt for the future, for them.

it was familiar, wonyoung's red sweater, y/n's loving smile.

maybe wonyoung needed a break from familiarity, too.

"y/nnie, why are you here?" her voice came out scratchy, her throat parched from both nervousness and exhaustion. "i thought you said no to us dating again."

the ice pack continued to melt, wonyoung's hand stinging so cold that it felt warm. the trophy case reflected her image, her eyes clear as they looked back at her.

her gaze moved back to y/n, tiredness tingling up her spine.

she was sure y/n could feel it too.

"i just wanted to cheer you on one more time." for the last time, they both knew. "give you ice for old times' sake."

wonyoung felt something different wash over her. it wasn't heartbreak, she had felt that before, nor was it love.

it felt like... gratitude. that wonyoung was grateful for y/n, for teaching her how love felt like. for hurting her, for loving her, for hating her.

it felt like the end.

"thank you for the ice, y/nnie." wonyoung smiled. "i'll see you around?"

"around sounds nice."

masterlist | next

taglist (CLOSED)!!

@moontealemonpie @rikisgeef @cutieseo @limbforalimb @ahnneyong @yumtooki @lcv3lies @sserajeans @jiwoneiric @blue4hour @trsrina @xyxlyn @misumiausworld @awkwardtoafault @d7dream @slowlyturninggay291 @perfectsunlight @juhyunsthirdwife @uzumakioden @txtbrainrot @rosiehrs @wlwgirlsworld @skisk1 @bzeus28 @deeznutzryu @jisooftme @jihyostolemyheart @li0ilthecxnt @eggomi @ddoxhan @zhivaxo @sweet-dhrafts @bearseulgs @marimo-anura @wonyoluvr @serenitygrace24 @ddeonutz @noiacha @livelaughchoerry @yunnybunnyy @ivy-aurora

[sellasstories]

BUS RIDE

word count: 1.3k

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

⚠️warnings⚠️

explicit smut, exhibitionism?

prompts:

caitlin fingering you on the bus on the way to a game

jealous caitlin (kinda)

You jumped out of bed as soon as your alarm went off. You were travelling with the team today! After checking that you had everything, you made a quick breakfast and called Caitlin.

“Good morning, babe!” you chirped excitedly. “Are you up yet? Did you pack last night?”

You heard bedsheets shift as Caitlin sat up and groaned. “Don’t worry, love, I’m packed. What are you so excited about this early in the morning?” she wondered, her voice still thick with sleep.

“Come on, it’s our first away game of the season! Why aren’t you excited?” you retorted as you cleaned up your dishes.

“Because it’s literally 5am,” Caitlin grumbled. “And it’s such a long drive, you’ll get bored of it so fast.”

“Whatever, I’m still excited. You had better be happier when I see you on the bus,” you threatened jokingly. “Speaking of which, I’m leaving now so see you there!” You barely gave Caitlin a chance to say goodbye before you were hanging up, grabbing your bags, and rushing out of your dorm.

You put your bags on the bus and climbed in, realizing that Kate was the only person already there.

“Hi, Kate!” You waved at her exaggeratedly.

“Why are you here so early?” she asked you.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you retorted. “I’m just really excited for some reason.”

“Me too, actually,” giggled Kate. You sat in the empty seat next to her and chatted as the bus slowly filled up.

Caitlin finally stuck her head through the door, still looking grumpy. You watched her eyes scan the bus to find you, and she raised an eyebrow when she saw you sitting with Kate.

You turned to Kate again, ignoring your girlfriend as a joke. “She looks so jealous,” Kate said quietly, nudging you with her shoulder.

“Fine, I guess I’ll go hang out with her,” you sighed dramatically as you stood up. Caitlin had just passed your seat, so you followed her to the back. Caitlin sat down heavily and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Is something wrong, princess?” you asked sweetly, straddling Caitlin for a few seconds as you climbed into the window seat.

“It’s cold, I’m exhausted, and my girlfriend was sitting with another girl,” she pouted.

You pressed a kiss to her lips. “You’re ridiculous! Kate is my friend, and yours too. I’m all yours now, don’t worry.” Laughing, you kissed the tip of her nose.

“Whatever, let’s just go to sleep.” Caitlin couldn’t stop a small smile from showing on her face. You got your AirPods out while she spread a blanket over the two of you.

You shuffled your chill playlist and sighed contentedly, snuggling into Caitlin and closing your eyes. You focused on the sounds of the road and the music, slowly drifting off to sleep.

Your breath caught and your eyes snapped open as you felt Caitlin grab your leg, draping it over her lap and pulling you closer. You shot her a confused look, but she just closed her eyes, resting her hand on your thigh.

You closed your eyes again, but were too distracted to fall asleep. Caitlin’s hand was very high up, and she was lightly tracing shapes on your inner thigh. The basketball shorts that you were wearing had already rolled up from the way that you were sitting, but when you felt Caitlin’s thumb graze the hem of your panties, you knew that she was doing this on purpose.

“Not right now,” you breathed, trying not to look like anything suspicious was going on.

Caitlin didn’t even open her eyes. “Why not? We have so much time,” she mumbled.

“Someone could see! We’d be in so much trouble!” The panicked edge to your voice must have convinced her because she stopped her movements, instead sliding her fingers just under your waistband. You opened your mouth to protest again, but decided against it when you realized that her hand wasn’t moving.

Your relief was short-lived, because even though Caitlin had listened and appeared to be asleep, you couldn’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if you’d let her continue. Trying to calm down, you shifted in your seat, but your movement caused Caitlin’s finger to brush against your clit. Biting your lip to stifle a moan, you came to a decision.

“Cait, wake up,” you whined, running a hand down her arm. She blinked slowly and looked down at you.

“Are you okay?” she asked worriedly. You nodded quickly, shifting against her hand and hoping that she got the hint.

“Forget what I said earlier. Please touch me,” you mumbled desperately.

Caitlin didn’t answer, only smirking as she moved her hand down. She closed her eyes again as she started a slow rhythm on your clit with two fingers.

You buried your face in her chest to hide the blush on your cheeks, resisting the urge to roll your hips. Caitlin was applying just enough pressure, and it felt amazing.

You slowly relaxed, dropping your head onto Caitlin’s shoulder. You allowed the fog of pleasure to overcome your thoughts of getting caught, closing your eyes with a shaky exhale.

Caitlin continued at the same pace, occasionally dipping a finger into your entrance to gather some wetness. Your complete trust in her allowed your mind to really wander. You imagined how hot her fingers looked under the blanket and hoped that she didn’t notice your breathing hitch.

You knew that Caitlin was getting off on this, and it made you wonder how far she would go. Your mind conjured images of her on her knees in front of the seat as she ate you out, the blanket long gone, and you shuddered as your breathing got heavier.

This time, Caitlin noticed. “What do you need?” She pressed her lips to the top of your head.

“Keep going,” was all you managed to say.

Looking around, Caitlin started to increase the pace of her fingers. Practically panting at this point, you pulled your sweater over your face to muffle the sound.

“I know, love, I know,” Caitlin said soothingly. She titled your head up with her free hand and leaned close to your ear. “Look at me, I wanna see your face when you cum.”

You found yourself blushing again, the intensity of her words and her fingers setting your body on fire. She pressed harder on your clit, and it was enough to make your eyes roll back in your head.

Your whole body shuddered as your orgasm hit suddenly, and you weren’t quite able to stop a moan escaping from your open lips. You closed your eyes and willed yourself not to react to the overpowering feeling of pleasure spreading out across your body, still trying not to draw attention even as your mind became fuzzy.

Caitlin kept rubbing tight circles on your clit, drawing out the feeling of euphoria. She decreased the pressure once she saw your eyes focus back on her. “That was so hot,” she said onto your lips, pulling you in for a kiss.

You watched Caitlin gingerly slide her hand out of your shorts and wipe it on the blanket. “I can’t believe we just did that,” you said breathlessly. Seeing that it was now fully light out, you checked the time on your phone. “You got me off for two hours?” You asked in disbelief. “Cait, how is your hand not cramped? We have a game this afternoon!”

Caitlin rolled her eyes. “It’s fine, consider it endurance training or something,” she brushed off your concern. “Besides, it wasn’t even my shooting hand.”

You smacked her playfully on the arm before laying down in her lap, already questioning where the confidence to do that had come from. “You’re actually insane,” you giggled, looking up at her adoringly.

[pandorasprongs]

CHAPTER SIX | it all makes sense when i'm with you.

'it's nice to have a friend' masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 6.0k

SUMMARY: jamie and reader are finally happy, but are now faced with entering a new era of their relationship.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: yet another long chapter, but this is the last one before the epilogue and i really wanted to include a lot of scenes! i want to thank you all again for reading this! it's been a long time coming (longer than expected), but i hope you'll all enjoy it anyway! thanks again for reading and if you're curious, the title is from the song "1,2" by mxmtoon :)

"They were fucking psychos for making us tie it around our dicks. I mean, I already knew Total Football, so I don't get why they had to make me do it, too."

"Sportsmanship, Jamie. You have to be one with the team." You joke, but even through the phone, you can tell he's not amused.

"Anyway, after I finally told them they were doing it wrong, we got the first goal and now we’re winning matches. It's been doing wonders for my self-image."

It was your turn now to roll your eyes. You didn't respond, which resulted in Jamie asking, "Are you still listening?"

"Yes! You're just lucky no one's come in for office hours right now and you can be the one to talk my ear off." You take off your legs from your table and stand up to stretch. You hadn't realized how long you'd been sitting there, listening to Jamie update you on his life, but it was enough that it led to a loud crack in your neck.

"Fine, I'll see you later, yeah?" He asks and you give a short hum as your answer. "Alright. Bye, love."

Had it been the first time he'd called you that at the end of a phone call, you would've fallen back into your chair. But after your weekend meet-ups had been mostly reduced to weekly phone calls due to the sudden increase in practices for Jamie, you had gotten used to his casual usage of the word. 

But that didn't mean you didn't still get the butterflies when he'd call you that. Yet again, you were falling for your best friend. Only this time, you couldn't pass it off as some stupid childish crush that would pass in time. But at least, you were old enough to understand your feelings better.

Now, you were waiting for him to show up at your flat tonight. You have subconsciously even pulled out the ingredients for lasagna, one of his favorite dishes of yours. Christ, what was happening to you?

As you pull out the plates from the cupboard and get them ready at the dining table, a knock on your door pulls your attention away. Before you can even react, it opens to reveal Liv and Freddie, the former now sermoning you about the importance of locking your doors.

"Who's your guest?" Freddie asks, changing the course of Liv's train of thought. Your best friend's eyes widen as she realizes and whispers, "Is Jamie here?"

"Jamie Tartt?!" Freddie exclaims in the loudest voice you've ever heard from him. You try and shush him before you realize he summoned the footballer.

"Yeah, who's asking?" You hear him enter from the hallway, carrying his duffel bag with him. Only you can tell he's surprised by the additional company, but any other person would have taken his smile as an overly confident one. "How're you doing, Liv? And this is the soon-to-be mister, I suppose?"

"Freddie, and yes, that's me." He reaches to shake Jamie's hand, and the footballer takes it politely. "We should leave them to it, right 'hon?" Freddie grabs hold of Liv's hand, who does not share her fiancée's eagerness to leave — mainly to hear all about what's going on with the two of you, — but obliges anyway. 

"Wait," Jamie stops them from leaving and pulls out something from the pocket in his duffle bag. "Since you're here, I'll hand them in person. Three tickets to the England match in a few days. They give some out to each player, and I was planning to give it to (Y/N) and I'm sure she would've given it to you two."

He's right, but you still faked offense for thinking she had no one else to give it, too.

"No, we couldn't," Liv replied, "you should give these to your family." You knew she was just being humble, that she desperately wanted those tickets, but she'd never automatically accept them.

"Nah, don't worry about that. They're all back in Manchester, so too far away to go the match anyway. Plus, it's a return for leaving that one," he nods towards you, "in the middle of Nelson Road. Without that, I'd never have gotten her back, so thank you." You smile at Jamie as he says that, who only winks at you.

"Alright, thank you so much, Jamie Tartt." Freddie takes the two tickets, before saying goodbye to the footballer.

"You owe me an explanation," are your parting words to your best friend, after having spent this whole time wondering how she and Jamie had met before. All she does is smirk at you before taking her fiancée's hand and leaving the flat with him.

"Here's yours," Jamie hands you your ticket, before rushing to grab something from his bag. "I have one more thing to show you, hold on." You see a flash of white as he pulls the item out and rushes to your bathroom.

You could only laugh. You haven't seen him this excited to show you something since he first showed you his team kit after he joined Man City, the memory of which gives you a hint as to what he wants to show off now. You take a seat on the stool next to the kitchen counter, before you hear his steps returning, placing your toes behind the metal footrest.

"Look out now... for the best striker on the England National Team, Jamie Tartt!" He introduced himself, before having a running start and jumping right in front of you and posing.

You smile brightly, barely being able to contain your joy at seeing Jamie so clearly proud to show off one of his best accomplishments. You knew how hard Jamie had been working to get to this point, from the moment you met him as children all those years ago. This is the Jamie you know and love, so proud and self-assured, who knew what he wanted and went for it.

"It looks perfect on you, Jamie." You say genuinely, as Jamie walks closer to you.

"Yeah? It's soft too, feel it," he offers his arm, though he's still far enough that you have to stand. You forget how you placed your feet and end up falling forward. Jamie's there to catch you and once again, you find your face too close to his own.

"Careful," he whispers, keeping his arms wrapped around you and his eyes on yours. Jamie helps you up and keeps his hands on your shoulders as you move to create space between you too.

"You're right," you try and break the tension. "The kit's real soft. So..." you turn around to find the dinner you've made still not plated. "Can you still make your own plate of food or are you too high-status to do it yourself now?"

"Ah, I don't want to dirty up the kit this early," he tries to joke, but you slap his arm playfully before walking over to the dining table.

—

"Oh my god, oh my god, we're here." Liv s.queals beside you.

"It's real. Oh, somebody pinch me. What if I offer Jamie to be my Best Man? My brother wouldn't mind, right?" Freddie added, dawned completely in merchandise. 

"Christ, there's two of you now." You joke, but Liv plants a kiss on your cheek and interlock your arms as you walk to your seats.

Before you can even get settled, a text message from Jamie grabs your attention. Could you come here followed by, please.

You're confused by the vague message but try to follow it anyway. You weren't sure where 'here' was, but you excused yourself from Liv and Freddie and tried to head to where you assumed the locker rooms were.

It was risky, considering you were wearing a Tartt shirt and didn't look like anyone of importance, but it seemed like there wasn't much security on the way there. You turn the corner where you find Jamie leaning against the wall, but your footsteps cause him to jolt up. He instantly softens when he realizes who it is, and starts to come towards you.

He envelops you in a hug and the first thing he says to you is, "I might fuck this. I mean, they didn't put me on starting for a reason, right?"

"Jamie..." you whisper, returning the hug and then pulling away to try and look him in the eye, but he keeps his eyes low. " What happened to the guy who was confidently showing off his kit to me a few days ago? If they have any sense in them, they are going to sub you in, and you are going to do great."

"You always say that," he points out and you shake your head.

"And I have, like, a 99 percent success rate with it." You take hold of his face to try and get him to focus on you. "They wouldn't have put you on the team if they didn't think you were a capable and amazing player. Of course, I've known that since we were kids, but the entire world is realizing it now. Jamie Tartt, you are one in a million. You've believed that all your life, so why stop now?" Jamie finally looks you in the eye and you try to give him a comforting smile.

The past months you've spent with Jamie have taken out a lot of the surprise factor in the things he does. But before you knew it, Jamie's lips were on yours and now, you could name at least one thing he can do to keep you on your toes.

Almost as quickly, Jamie pulls back, "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't—" but you interrupt him with a kiss of your own. You're not really sure how long you stay like that, but the moment Jamie returned the kiss, you knew time didn't matter. Then, of course, logic came back into your system and you had to pull away.

You're a bit out of breath, but you rest your temple against his, "You got this, Jamie." He pulls away before he gives you another hug.

His coach comes out of the locker room to call him back inside, and he turns to leave you but comes back to give you one last kiss on the cheek. "Bye, love." Love.

It takes everything in you to hold back from spilling everything to Liv as you get back to your seat and wait for the game to start.

—

"AFC Richmond's Jamie Tartt, winning his first cap for England, an unforgettable moment and well earned," the commentator announces at some point during the game, and Liv remarks that this is the loudest she's ever seen you cheer.

"Let's go, Jamie!" You shout and with the sea of England supporters at the venue, you're aware he can't hear you, but you hope it reaches him anyway.

And of course, you were right. He did amazing, plus you had only noticed now that he chose 24 as his number, which was his teammate's. He had told you about how Sam didn't get picked for the Nigerian team and how crushed he was about it, so seeing Jamie do such a touching gesture was only another reminder of how amazing — your friend? Boyfriend, if that could even be used? Childhood best friend? Ah, fuck it… — Jamie was.

You didn't get to see the footballer after the match, but he managed to send you a goofy selfie along with a 'thank you' message, indicating that he was back to normal, maybe even a bit more confident now. You send one back and close your phone as you return to your conversation with Liv. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you, but you could still feel his lips lingering on yours.

—

"That's this class of students done," you said to yourself, before switching over to your laptop where Liv's guest list was open. The wedding was still in a couple of months, but even then, you were starting to feel the strain of being Maid of Honor. 

It had been a few weeks since you even had a proper conversation with Jamie, let alone talk about what happened before the England match. You weren't really sure what you expected or wanted to happen. You were hoping Jamie would take the lead like he usually did, but even he was too busy to talk.

So recently, you've been diving straight into your work, hoping that by the time you were done, Jamie would finally send that message that he wanted to talk. But instead, the only person you've been having any non-academic conversation with was Liv.

You see a message from her pop up on your laptop, saying Have you seen this? Jamie's acting a bit weird.

You weren't sure what your best friend's standards were for "weird," but as you play the interview clip, you find yourself agreeing with her.

"I apologize to everyone, especially the kids." You watch him lean into the mic to say, and you scrunch your eyebrows in confusion, but your expression turns into worry.

You reach for your phone to message him, Hey Jamie, how are you? Do you wanna come over for movie night soon?

It was ten minutes later when you finally got a reply. Doing good. Can't see you right now though, busy with training. Sorry.

Now you were really getting anxious. You knew Jamie wouldn't be so mean as to ghost you for the kiss, but you couldn't help your brain drifting to that conclusion. No, Jamie wouldn't do that. It must be something else.

You look up the schedule of matches for Richmond for the next few weeks and sure enough, their next match is against Manchester City. You grew up in Manchester and knew just how strongly Man City supporters feel for their team, and how they feel about the ones who leave, too. It must be eating Jamie up going back there, especially now when you remember one of the last times they played against them.

Jamie had recounted to you in the past how his dad barged into the Richmond locker room after they'd lost the match, and how it took everything in him not to retaliate, but even then, he ended up punching him in the face. You held his hand and as if you signaled a green light, Jamie wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on your chest. You don’t really know how long you two stayed that way, but you ended up waking up to the sound of three missed calls from Roy to Jamie at 4 am.

And so, you decide to spend your break next week back in Manchester. You open your phone to message your parents and the speed of your mom's reply displayed their excitement. Can't wait, sweetie! See you soon, Mom and Dad love you.

—

"Oh my god!" Your mom exclaims as she opens the door and envelopes you in a hug quickly. You arrived around lunchtime, the day before the match, hoping to have time to meet up with Jamie and talk before it, though you haven't even been able to tell him you were in Manchester, too. "Dad went out to buy ingredients for a cake ‘cause we didn't expect you to get here so early."

You pull away from here and shake your head, "You guys didn't have to do that, Mom." You drag your suitcase across the threshold and slam down on the couch as soon as you reach it.

"Well, we haven't seen you in months and you haven't been here in Manchester in years! We were planning to have a whole thing for your return." Your mom explains as walks into the kitchen to make you tea, like she always did when she came to visit. At least this time, she wasn't criticizing you for the lack of a tea selection in your flat.

"Why have you decided to visit? You usually invite us to go to London during your breaks." She asks, walking back in with a tray of cups and a teapot.

It would be too hard for you to explain that the major reason (or person) that stopped you from coming back all these years was now the exact reason why you chose to travel all the way to Manchester, so instead you settle with, "Just didn't want you guys to take the long trip this time."

By the time your dad gets back with his bags of groceries, you have already changed into a tank top and pajama pants while your mom already made a late lunch for you three. You finally explain to the two of them how you got back in touch with Jamie after all this time, carefully omitting the reasons for your falling out, and are now worried about him playing against Man City.

"I mean, I'm sure it's hard for a lot of the players to play against their old team, but Jamie having to play a match against the team he spent his whole life aspiring to be a part of? I'm scared he's too shaken up, and he's not telling me anything either." You let out an exasperated sigh, and look down at your hands. "I'm really worried."

Your mom reaches out to take one of your hands. "Hon, you've never not been worried about Jamie. Ever since you two were kids."

You keep a solemn expression on your face, to which your dad adds on, as he takes your other hand. "Just do what you always did. Be there for him, and make sure he knows it. He needs your support more than anything, especially now that you're back in his life."

You let out a sigh, trying to absorb what they've just said to you, but you were so tired from the travel that you move to the couch and just try to relax. You end up drifting off into the night till you wake up to a message from an unknown number.

(Y/N)? I hope this is your number, it's Keeley Jones. We met before at the gala? Anyway, I hope you get this because we're following Jamie somewhere. He's been acting weird and I wanted to ask if you knew any special place he'd go to when he's stressed or going through something.

You don't have time to properly understand what she's asking and just go with your first instinct: Georgie. You shout up the stairs to your parents that you're heading out and grab a sweatshirt from your bag as you run to their house. It almost feels like deja vu, considering they've barely changed the exterior of the place.

You knock on the door and are received by Simon, whose surprise at seeing you back in Manchester doesn't faze you. You reciprocate his welcoming hug before asking, "Is Georgie home?"

"Yeah, she's just upstairs," he moves aside to make way for you to get inside the house, and you nod to him before running up to the second floor.

"Georgie?" You call out, and the call of your own name signals her presence. You walk into the main bedroom, one you remember vividly from when Jamie would rope you into taking some money from Simon's wallet — you always apologized on his behalf — when you were teenagers.

"Oh my goodness, I completely forgot you were coming home today! My mind's been all over the place. Welcome back, 'hon," she envelops you in a hug, which you're grateful for, but as you break apart, she notices your look of urgency. "What's got you here in such a rush?"

"It's about Jamie," you get straight to the point. "I'm worried about him and it's just that—" you're interrupted by Simon calling out to her.

She excuses herself, but you follow after her as she asks, "What was that, love? Someone at the door?" 

You turn to go down the stairs when you spot Jamie waiting at the bottom. Georgie runs to hug her son and while your heart warms at the sight of this reunion, the trance is broken when Jamie spots you.

"When did you get here?" His accent's a lot thicker back in his hometown, you notice.

"Just before you did," you reply, but seeing as he returns his attention back to his mom, you instead walk down the stairs and past them to join Keeley and Roy whom you awkwardly greet.

"Well, we've got quite a number of visitors today. Who wants some sweet treats?" He offers, and you decide it's best to follow him.

You should've known that Jamie's "special place" would be his childhood home, and maybe it was the nerves that stopped you from thinking clearly. Now, you were just glad he was with Georgie now, someone who always knew how to cheer him up.

"Help me carry them out, yeah?" Simon asks, and you happily oblige, taking one of the trays into your hands. "Do you think Roy likes sweets?"

You shrug, genuinely unsure of the man’s food preferences, but Simon seems undeterred. You head to the living room and glance at the Jamie photo shrine, which seems to have grown twice its size after all these years.

You sit down awkwardly next to Keeley who once again greets you warmly, and only allow yourself to glance at Jamie once. It's like he's gone back to being a kid again, resting in his mom's arms as he tells her everything that's bothering him.

After a while, Jamie looks like he's ready to open up, so Georgie tells Simon to tour Keeley and Roy around the house. He agrees, and calls out your name, "You should come with us, too. You probably know some parts of this house better than I do, mainly Jamie's room."

You know he meant that innocently, but you can't help but feel your cheeks heat up at the mention of it. You nod and get up quickly, but not before looking back at Jamie and giving him a small smile. He returns it, and a part of you eases at the sight of it. He's going to be fine.

The four of you start in the kitchen and Keeley interlocks your arm as you lean in, "Did you get my message?"

You nod, "That's why I ran here as soon as I could. Georgie's got it, don't worry." You watch her instantly relax at your words, and you're touched by how much she cares for Jamie, even after he'd been a less-than-perfect boyfriend to her in the past.

Simon continues the tour and every once in a while, Keeley would find you in the photos and squeal about how cute the two of you were in them. She'd left Roy with Simon to learn all about you, along with how it was growing up with Jamie.

You reach the second floor and as Simon walks over to the room where you'd spent at least a fraction of your childhood, you suddenly remember how it's decorated. You try to hold in your reaction as Simon starts, "Here is the main attraction. Jamie's room."

It's just like how you remember it, with all the trinkets you two played with, the pictures of wins, and the trophies he got for them. You even spot a trophy you made for him after his team got second place once.

Your attention is pulled away by Roy's reaction to his poster, "Fucking hell." You chuckle as Simon explains just how devoted Jamie was to it.

"Oh, meat pies are done. Excuse me," he closes the door, revealing your personal favorite poster: Keeley's.

"Fucking hell," she imitates her companion, and you laugh even louder. She turns to you, "Have these two always been there?"

"Yup," you confirm, still chuckling.

"So whenever you two had sleepovers," something you mentioned to her during the door, "those two pictures of us were just hovering about you like that? How'd you manage?"

"Ah well, I got desensitized after a bit, really. Only after I realized Jamie would never take them down, even when I stayed with them for weeks on end. Just closed my eyes and faced the wall."

You decide to show them your own house, pushing back the curtain and pointing at your window. "Look, that's my bedroom. Jamie used to throw pebbles or beer caps to get my attention."

After a few moments of looking around the room, you notice Roy and Keeley sitting down on Jamie's bed, seemingly wanting to talk about something. You decide to excuse yourself and head to the kitchen to help out Simon, and also hopefully get the first taste of the meat pies.

You catch up with Jamie's step-dad as he checks on his pastries. Most of the times you've hung out with Simon were filled with him simply talking about his baking methods and new recipes he was trying out. But after a small lull, Simon's eyes lit up, and went out to grab something to show you.

"I sent a picture of this to Jamie back when I found it. Not sure if he showed it to you, but it is quite cute, don't you think?" He hands you a small photo of you and Jamie in the kitchen as teenagers. The way Jamie looked at you in it, you wondered how you'd feel now if he did it again. Of course, you’ve never been too careful with your surroundings, considering how you’ve never noticed the way Jamie’s eyes lit up every time he even just looked at you.

"Yeah, it's quite nice." You hear footsteps coming your way and hear a voice call out your name. You sit up when Jamie enters. "Hey, could we talk?"

Suddenly, all your nerves come back tenfold. You walk over to him and you head back to the living room, where Georgie is preparing to leave to give you two some space.

The first thing Jamie says as you two sit down is, "I'm sorry." Before you could even respond, he continues, "I didn't mean to ghost you and everything, I just... I was stressed getting ready for this match and going back here to Manchester and I didn't want to dump all of it on you. I'm really sorry."

"Jamie, you don't have anything to apologize for. You didn't do anything wrong and yeah, I missed you, but you needed space and I was okay with giving you that.” The footballer nods as if he’s digesting what you’ve just said. You take his hand into yours and decide to take your father’s advice, as you start, “If it's any consolation to the nerves you’re feeling, I hope you know that I'll always be here. The people that do love you will always be there to support you, including me." He smiles, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach again.

"I missed you, too, by the way. Especially with the last time we saw each other at the match," he whispers and suddenly you can feel yourself blushing again.

"Yeah, we should talk about it," you offer, but you knew that there really wasn't much to say about it all. Staying in limbo between friends and something more wasn't always a bad thing, especially when it was with Jamie. The footballer already seemed to know what he wanted to ask you, but before he could even start, the house phone rang.

Simon comes into the living room, and informs you, "It's your mum, she's asking when you're heading back to the house?"

"In a bit," you tell him and he nods. You turn back to Jamie who's trying to hold back his disappointment at being interrupted. You start, "Maybe you guys should start heading back, too. It's getting late."

He nods, "Right." Jamie gets up from his seat and pulls you up in the process, before realizing something. "Do you want to come to the match tomorrow? I think I'll need the extra support. Plus, you were always my good luck charm before."

"Sure. You're lucky I brought my AFC Richmond shirt with me, too. I was just going to wear it around the neighborhood honestly."

"You should. Make sure everyone knows who your favorite Premier League player is." Jamie teases.

"Yup, Dani Rojas." You retort and he pretends to walk away offended, but you pull Jamie in and kiss his cheek as he wraps his arm around your shoulders.

"Come on, love, I'll bring you back to your house before we go. Like old times," Jamie offers and you happily oblige. You say goodbye to Georgie and Simon and Jamie leads you out the door and to your house.

It takes a few minutes before you can convince your parents to let go of Jamie this time, but you finally manage and promise to see him before the match tomorrow. He surprises you with a kiss goodbye before he jogs back to his house to get Roy and Keeley, looking back at you once more.

—

If you excuse your heart nearly stopping when Jamie got tackled, that may have been one of the best matches you've ever had the pleasure to watch in person. You had no idea what Ted said to Jamie that caused the sudden change in him, but the spark in the player suddenly came back. Getting back onto the pitch, hyping up the crowd's heckling — which you couldn't lie, turned you on a bit, — and even managing to make the goal with an injury? Only Jamie fucking Tartt could manage that.

Considering you had only planned to stay for the game and now had to make it all the way to London, it was a miracle that Keeley instead invited you to join them on the bus to head back. You rushed home to collect your things and say goodbye to your parents — who were already planning to visit you the week after, — and headed to the hotel as the team was loading up onto the bus.

Keeley was there waiting for you and planned to introduce you to the team, but considering a good number of them recognized you from the gala and the other members were too busy celebrating, you instead quietly made your way to the back of the bus where Jamie was resting, while she left to go ride the car with Rebecca.

Considering he had to stretch out the leg over a number of chairs, the coaches instead opted to sit in the middle of the bus, right in the action, as Ted called it.

While everyone celebrated, Jamie still seemed to be wrapping his head around it. He notices you in front of him and smiles widely. "Mind if I join you?" He moves a bit over to make some space for you next to him. "How're you feeling?"

He moves to wrap his arm around your waist and pulls you closer, "Good, better since I get to celebrate beating City." He pumps his fist in the air and you don't understand why you still find it endearing. He scans your body before announcing, "I like your shirt." He plants a kiss on your shoulder before looking back up at you.

"Thanks, Jamie. And what did I tell you? You were great! I'll lose my voice tomorrow from how loud I was cheering you on. Do you know how much energy it takes to be louder than all the booing?" You mention, and all Jamie could do was chuckle. “But it was worth it. So you knew there was at least one person in the crowd cheering you on for the entire match.”

"Thank you," His face falls slightly, as if realizing something, but picks up before he confesses, "I think I might messaged my dad." You turn to look at him properly, but there's no sign of fear in him; only relief. "I, uh, I don't think he was there today, but Ted told me I could at least try to forgive him. Not for his sake, but mine. I don't know, it made sense at the time, but—"

It's your turn now to interrupt him with a kiss. You're lucky no one has decided to look at the back of the bus this whole time. You hold his face as you do so and after a bit of shock, he reciprocates it. After, you wrap your arms around him. "I'm proud of you, Jamie. And I'll be here if you need any help with the message or just want some support when you do it, okay?"

Jamie has a soft expression on his face and smiles at you once again. He laughs at himself before remembering something the two of you left hanging last night, "So, now that all that is out of the way, don't you think we should talk about... this?" He gestures at the position the two of you are in, with your arms wrapped around his torso and his arm draped on your shoulders.

"What about it?" You try and act coy, but you can barely keep a straight face. "We're just friends who reunited after so many years. It's perfectly normal."

He laughs before replying, "It's just," Jamie hesitates a bit, before looking you straight in the eyes and adding, "I don't think friends kiss as often as we do, love."

"That is true," You pretend to think before asking, "Well, what do you want me to be then?"

"My girlfriend, maybe. Since best friend doesn't sound right anymore."

"No, not really. Plus, Liv will definitely fight you for it and that is a match you are not going to win." you exaggerate your headshake and laugh, before leaning into him. "But girlfriend sounds good. Though, I do have standards for my boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah?" Jamie tilts his head and smirks, and you almost fold then and there.

"Yup," you confirm and turn away to list them. "He should be tall, handsome, funny, overly confident but rightfully so, a great football player, knows nearly everything about me including my favorite singer, — "Stevie Nicks, duh," he interjects, — loves my cooking, and me, obviously." You stop before looking back at him and faking an epiphany, "Oh, and his name should be Jamie Tartt."

He takes a minute to think, before nodding, "Pretty sure I fit all those requirements, love." He laughs as he turns to you.

"Yeah? Well, alright then." You move to kiss him once more as Jamie pulls you closer by your waist.

He pulls away, but keeping you in that position before whispering, "I love you, so much."

"I love you, too." You whisper back. 

But as you rest your head on his shoulder, some of his teammates decided to move the celebration towards the back of the bus. "Mind if we sit here?" Sam asks politely, though a little louder than he meant. You nod as some of the players start taking the seats around the two of you.

You can tell on their faces they knew something happened between you two, but neither mentioned it and instead continued their celebration with their striker.

You turn back to Jamie, who gives you a sweet, goofy grin when he notices your eyes on him, and all you can do is be grateful for this moment.

At age 7, you believed your best friend Jamie would be in your life forever. At age 19, you believed your best friend Jamie Tartt was gone.

But now, nearly two decades since that little Mancunian boy kicked that ball over the fence, you realize that you had gotten in right at seventeen. Your best friend Jamie Tartt would be the only boy, man, you'd ever truly loved. And you wouldn't want it any other way.

At age 7, Jamie Tartt thought you were his best friend. At age 19, he thought you were his biggest weakness. 

But at age 26, he realized that only one thing has remained the same all these years: he is in love with you. That is the ultimate truth. And that's all he needed. You're all he needed.

A/N: yay! we only have the epilogue left, but i'm excited! honestly, i couldn't bring myself to make it anymore angsty, especially because they've already been through a lot. hope you all enjoyed this and thank you again for reading!

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @loveforaugust @crownofdecitreadingrespectfully @dickgraysonspersonalwhore @jess4rush @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[barrenclan]

I've been thinking of this for so long and have only now mustered up the courage to send an ask here. The Nowhere Kings lullaby is so very Deepdark coded.

Thank you for sending in an ask! I always like receiving them.

I agree very much with you, so much that Nowhere King has been on the PATFW playlist for awhile now! Here is a link to it if you'd like to listen.

I like your analysis on it!

Oh, yeah, I can absolutely see this Rainhaze at the very end of his line, twisted by Defiance, and the last lines of the song about him singing to Slugpelt wondering if even she would take him back after everything he's done.

it goes on for so long and it takes so much goddamn shit and benzos to make the skin grow thick and to make the heart grow cold to make your heart grow cold

cover your ears Emily your weakened mind fears nothing i want to know if you'll still care for me if I left you to decay

emily will you bury me the purest sin that ive ever seen emily will you still love me

I like this version! Very mournful. I can see Defiance in it, with more specific Rainhaze bits mixed in.

In the land of Gods and Monsters I was an angel living in the garden of evil Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed Shining like a fiery beacon

"This is Heaven, what I truly want" It's innocence lost Innocence lost

I think I'd put it as a song sung by Pinepaw about Nightberry.

The old man next door says his house is haunted He says a ghost keeps him awake I think he's having a hard time, to be honest Since his darling passed away

I said Robert I'm so sorry Your house ain't haunted You're just not used to bein' alone

Every song is about Rainhaze.

I love this song! Actually, one of the main characters' theme songs - "Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming To the Canyon)" for Egrettail - is by the Mamas and the Papas, so nice choice. Fits well with Blacknose.

All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown) And the sky is gray (and the sky is gray) I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk) On a winter's day (on a winter's day) If I didn't tell her (if I didn't tell her) I could leave today (I could leave today)

You know the preacher like the cold (preacher like the cold) He knows I'm gonna stay (knows I'm gonna stay)

All Fleetwood Mac songs fit with Slugpelt, this is true. Of course I would always love to see an animation of my characters, but the song choice is very good regardless! I like the descriptions of Slugpelt as a "pale shadow of a woman", it fits her chracter very well.

Well, did she make you cry Make you break down Shatter your illusions of love? <- Dustfeather And is it over now, do you know how? Pick up the pieces and go home

Pale shadow of a woman Black widow Pale shadow of a dragon Dust woman

I was very fond of this song when the game first came out, especially a cover that sadly doesn't seem to be on YouTube anymore. Oh well, it still fits Pinepaw perfectly.

Stuck on this dead end street Where all the new kids come to play Stuck–where past and future meet Watching all our autumns drift away

And if they ever hear my name Will they know I walked alone Around these dusty streets–My Tired old home

And will they ever stop to think What was here before, no They won’t remember that I’m gone

[quin-ns]

Can you maybe write something with swiftie!reader?

I thought this sounded so cute and since I saw a couple tiktok edits of JJ to this song, it’s the one I ended up referencing 🥰

Style (JJ Maybank x Reader)

John B realized his mistake the moment he handed you the aux cord, but it was too late. You plugged your phone in and pulled your go-to playlist up.

You were in the passenger seat so it had been something he’d done without thought, but as Taylor Swift’s voice came over the speakers, Kiara leaned between the seats.

“See, now why would you do that?” she questioned John B

“Hey! Her songs are really good,” you argued, looking back at Kiara.

“They are, but you play this one way too much.”

You rolled your eyes at Kie and opened your mouth to speak, but JJ crammed his way to the middle to be able to lean over your seat. The action made you smile, especially when he backed you up.

“Let her play what she wants,” JJ jumped in. “Besides, I like this one. “Style”, right?”

“10 points to JJ!” you cheered overdramatically, mostly just to watch Kie roll her eyes.

You noticed the sly grin appear on JJ’s face right before he asked, “Do I get a prize?”

That look he got when he was only focused on you crossed his face. You loved it.

You grabbed his chin lightly in one hand and pulled him in close enough for you to be able to press a kiss to his lips.

“You guys are gross,” Kie grumbled, moving to sit back in her spot.

“Please don’t make out in front of us,” Pope requested a little uncomfortably, finally making himself known.

“Jeez, Pope,” JJ drawled when the two of you parted. “It was just a kiss, not making out. When we do make out, you’ll know.”

Pope cringed at the implication while you jokingly swatted at your boyfriend.

While you had control of the music, you only played Taylor Swift. You let a variety play out, but went back to “Style” more than once.

At one point when you played it a second time, even though he was sitting behind you, you realized JJ was humming the tune and occasionally muttered out some of the lyrics to himself.

It brought you joy, and that was partially why you ended up playing it yet another time. You knew all the complaints were non-serious, so you didn’t see a problem. Besides, you put up with their music tastes all the time, they could handle it.

Later, when it was just the two of you lounging out in the hammock while the others resided inside the Chateau, JJ brought it up.

He was laying on his back with his arm wrapped around you. You laid mostly on your side next to him, your head on his shoulder.

“Why do you like that song so much?” he wondered, probably realizing he hadn’t asked before.

You knew exactly which one he was talking about. You tilted your head up and found him looking down at you. You smiled to yourself, knowing exactly why.

“Parts of it make me think of you,” you admitted. JJ didn’t say anything, waiting for you to explain. ““James Dean daydream”?” you recited, gauging his reaction. ““Long hair slicked back, white T-shirt”?”

As your luck would have it, to further prove your point, JJ was wearing his favorite white T-shirt. You pinched the fabric between your fingers and that caused him to look down at himself.

JJ’s brows pinched together. “My hair’s not that long.”

You chuckled at how he analyzed the lyrics.

“Long enough,” you replied lightly, shrugging your shoulders in spite of the angle. “And it’s not the whole song, because our relationship isn’t in danger like that—it’s not, right?”

You weren’t asking him genuinely, you had a joking tone that he could easily identify.

“Absolutely not,” JJ still answered with certainty. “You and I are perfect.”

“I second that,” you agreed, snuggling a little closer to him. “But anyway, a few weeks ago I heard it after we hung out and that part…” you trailed off, watching him watch you.

You loved the interest JJ showed as you spoke, even over something as small as a song. It made you feel more listened to and cared about than you ever had before.

“I don’t know, it just made me think of you,” you concluded, not having a more complicated reason like he was expecting.

“It is a pretty good song, and if that means I’m on your mind, then I approve,” JJ beamed.

JJ cupped your face in his hand and leaned down to press his lips to yours. You grinned against his lips before letting your eyes slide shut and kissing him back.

JJ rolled you beneath him, his lips moving against yours with dominance.

You had an afterthought about before in the van when Pope accused the two of you of making out. You hadn’t been before, but you were now. You really hoped this one wouldn’t be interrupted.

The next time you all were in the van, JJ rode passenger since you all took turns for the most part. When John B handed him the aux cord, a smile broke out across your face the same time Kiara rolled her eyes dramatically and Pope sighed when his chosen song came on.

“Seriously, dude? You too?” John B asked, more amused at his friend playing Taylor Swift than annoyed.

When “Style” got to the chorus, JJ looked over the seat. He gave you a smile in return before sitting back down properly.

“What?” he questioned with a shrug, facing John B. “I like this one.”

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (2)

ー☆ Chapter 2: RunRunRun

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing really ー☆ Word count: 6.6k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hihi, second chapter is out!! I hope you all enjoy it and leave feedback, I really really appreciate that!! Taglist is still open for those interested. Do not forget to check out the playlist and listen to the song before or while reading (RunRunRun)!! Thank you. Now, enjoy!

Taglist: @orshii @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

『I always thought it would be easy (easy)

To get you out my mind (mind)』

            Certainly my sleep could’ve been more peaceful, but after the shit I pulled—drew Mingi’s eyes, for fuck’s sake—I knew I was in for a long night of overthinking and overanalyzing everything. Just for a second I allowed myself to place aside all judgement and foulness I felt towards the smug prick and, yes, admitted, that perhaps he wasn’t too bad to look at. Not a little bit, not even at all. However, this thought unsettled me and quickly made me remember how my blood boiled and nerves rose caused by his stuck-up attitude and irritating smirk. He was an asshole full of himself, and there was no way in hell I would allow his mild handsomeness overshadow his good for nothing personality. Guys like him were only by your side for a short while, while the relationship would feel new and exciting, and after that they dip like you have never even existed on the surface of Earth. That thought alone made me groan last night and punch a pillow before I finally willed my mind to calm down and erase the knowledge of his existence—or of the very obvious drawing of his eyes in my sketchbook, which I started considering my journal at some point.

If the lack of sleep wasn’t enough to put me in a sour mood, then the chilly air of the morning certainly made me grit my teeth as I stormed back inside the house to grab my beige and maroon plaid flannel shirt before running off to catch the bus to university. Currently, Seulgi and I were sat in the cafeteria enjoying our lunches—well, she was, my appetite never found me today—as I chewed the last bits of my quite simple sandwich I have packed in a haste this morning, Seulgi’s mouth, despite being full, was constantly moving and spouting information after information. I was only half-heartedly listening to her at this point—I swear to God, Wooyoung has been the center of our conversation for the past half an hour—as I held my pencil between my fingers and mindlessly doodled in my sketchbook. I wasn’t drawing anything particular, just random shapes which my brain felt necessary to draw as Seulgi suddenly hiccupped, face turning red. I cast her a glance as she quickly opened her bottle of water and chugged down at least half of its contents.

“Are you good?” I asked amused as she fanned her face.

“I think I almost just died.” Her answer made me snort as I grabbed the apple off my tray and bit into it, almost instantly regretting it as I was never a fan of apples.

“No wonder, you keep talking with your mouth full.” I muttered and Seulgi rolled her eyes as she went back to eating her lunch, smiling to herself like an idiot. I rolled my eyes but basked in the silence, finally able to have a little bit of peace of mind. I loved Seulgi and her random rambles, but not when they were about Wooyoung. And lately he seemed to be the only thing she talked about.

“Did you get to rest last night?” She asked as she gulped down her soup, eyebrows furrowed as she took in my appearance, seemingly finally aware that I looked tired. I shook my head with a sigh and turned the page of my sketchbook as I have filled the other one with shapes. Seulgi glanced down at the clean page and grimaced, leaning in closer towards me, “Just how stressed are you right now? That’ll be your third page in the past fifteen minutes.”

“I’m not really stressed,” I corrected her, taking another bite of the apple and regretting it again, “I’m just bored and probably restless.”

“Why?” Seulgi inquired and I shrugged, pressing the pencil against the white sheet of paper and carefully starting to draw sharp and precise lines.

“Don’t know,” I muttered, eyebrows furrowing when suddenly the cafeteria was filled with noise as if a whole crowd entered it, “Mom says it’s the full moon.”

“That was like…almost two weeks ago.” Seulgi gave me a deadpanned look and I chuckled, shrugging again. I most certainly wasn’t going to tell her that I haven’t slept well last night because I drew Mingi’s eyes and then freaked out over it, and was still pretty much freaking out about it, because I didn’t know what this meant and why it happened. And I really didn’t want to find out as I mindlessly pressed a small but firm dot underneath the lines I drew on the left side of the paper.

“I don’t know then, Seulgi, you know I have periods when I can’t sleep.” Seulgi hummed at my response and then a coy smile made its way onto her lips and I raised my eyebrows, pressing her to go on and tell me what was on her mind.

“What did you think of Noir Zenith?” I didn’t want to talk about this.

“They were fine.” I answered boredly, drawing a small semi-circle underneath the sharp lines, “Nothing too impressive. I’m now convinced you only like them because of Wooyoung.”

“Stop!” Seulgi shushed me with a blush and pointed her fork at me threateningly, “I actually enjoy their music, alright?! I liked the band before I started liking Wooyoung, so stop being mean.”

“Whatever,” I stuck my tongue out at her as I added a bit of shading to the drawing, “I expected their music to be worse, that I’ll admit, however, I only vibed with Seonghwa and Wooyoung—”

“Yeah, you made that very clear, Y/N.” Seulgi cut me off with a sharp tone and it brought a sheepish smile onto my lips as I was about to take another bite of my apple just as I narrowed my eyes at the drawing, staring at it for a second longer. And then it clicked. Fuck. I quickly shut my sketchbook closed as I threw my pencil on the table, groaning loudly. I couldn’t believe it. Why was I doing this? Why was I drawing Mingi’s eyes again?

『I think I found a new addiction

It feels so right』

“What?” Seulgi asked confused as she gazed at my closed sketchbook.

“Nothing.” I muttered lowly, banging my head against the table once before taking another bite of my apple, trying to ignore the way my heart started to race. There must be something about his eyes if my brain decided to burn it into its memory and recall it at any given time my pencil touched a piece of paper as I let loose to draw mindlessly.

“You’ve been acting weird all day long, Y/N.” Seulgi raised an eyebrow and I sighed, slouching down in my seat as suddenly there was a roar of cheers. I wasn’t interested at all to know what was happening behind me; therefore I found no desire in myself to turn around and look. It was probably the football team or some noisy first year’s having a little bit too much fun in the cafeteria while they totally disregard that, perhaps, some people would like to hear their own thoughts while given a longer break from their studies. My lips pulled into a sneer and I almost turned around to find the culprits I could glower at, but Seulgi found her voice again now that she was done with her lunch, “Wooyoung complimented my outfit twice last night, Y/N, twice! I was seriously freaking out!”

“Oh, wow,” I muttered unimpressed, not having it in me to tell her that she’s told me that information three times now, “and yet you kept stressing about it.”

“I couldn’t help myself,” Seulgi pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “I was so nervous. It was the first time he invited me to their performance—”

“Haven’t you seen them countless of times before last night?” I asked with narrowed eyes and Seulgi rolled her eyes with a tsk.

“But this was different, Y/N, you’re so impossible I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this—”

“Yeah, me neither.” I gaped at her fakely, making Seulgi roll her eyes, “This is the third time I’m hearing everything, Seulgi.”

“Well, sorry for being excited about my crush finally showing interest in me.” Seulgi’s voice hardened as she snapped and I pouted, knowing that I have upset her. She threw me a glare as she grabbed her phone, acting uninterested as I reached over the table and softly gripped her wrist. I knew she couldn’t resist when I acted cute.

“Sorry, you know I’m cranky when I don’t sleep, don’t get mad.” I coerced her with a sweet voice and she just spared me a glance before going back to her phone. I sighed dramatically and retreated my hand, falling back into my chair and groaning as I closed my eyes briefly. My muscles were sore from sitting almost all day long, and my eyes hurt from too much light and staring at my sketchbook even when it wasn’t necessary. I opened my eyes and allowed them to roam over the cafeteria as I decided to quickly finish the little apple I have left over and took in the students around us. All groups were enjoying their free time quietly, speaking amongst themselves in a moderate tone, not loud enough to disturb anyone, yet there was one fucking table which just wouldn’t shut up, and fed up with it, I whirled around in my chair and searched for them, nose flaring in irritation. However, when my eyes landed on the culprits, my heart fell into my ass and my jaw clenched as I allowed the vicious glare to overtake my features as I sent daggers towards them. There he sat. At the table closest to the entrance, clad in a much more casual outfit compared to last night with sunglasses obscuring his view—who the fuck wears sunglasses inside—as he was surrounded by at least five girls. Mingi was leaning back in his chair, body falling against it awkwardly as his limbs were too long for it, legs spread out wide as he currently had his hands behind his head, smirking up at the blonde girl from the pub. Huh, so she goes to our university, should’ve expected that.

“Disgusting.” I sneered quietly, enticed by the view as my body wallowed in irritation, hatred and disgust, wishing for nothing more than to slam my sketchbook against Mingi’s head and scream the most creative profanities in his face. He was just asking for it with his smug face and shit eating grin, acting like he was a God, above everyone else, making girls swoon for his ass when he wasn’t even all that great.

“What’s—oh.” Seulgi cut herself off once her eyes followed my gaze and she chuckled. I could see her raise an eyebrow from the corner of my eyes as she watched me before looking back at Mingi, leaning back in her chair as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, “You never explained why you hate him so much.”

“Ugh, just look at him!” That was all Seulgi had to say to set me off, “He’s self-centered and conceited! He’s a jerk and he treats everyone else like they are less than him, and oh, my God, don’t even get me started about his stupid smirk which screams, ‘oh, look! I’m better than you ever will be, and by the way, you’re dumb as fuck!’, God, I hate the guy.”

Seulgi’s eyebrows went up to her hairline that’s how high they were raised as I turned around to look at her, having seen enough of Mingi’s stupid side profile as he smirked and laughed at every stupid thing those girls were probably saying to him, “Okay, Miss I hate his pants so much I can’t stop staring at him; that was intense, what the fuck. Poor Mingi, he didn’t even do anything to you and here you are—dragging his ass like he killed your cat or something, Y/N.”

“That would be the last straw—”

“You don’t even have a cat.” Seulgi deadpanned and I sighed exasperated, throwing an irritated smile her way. She was supposed to be on my side, not defending an asshole when she could clearly see how much distaste I had towards him.

“Whatever, I just can’t stand him, alright?” I muttered at last with a huff and Seulgi cocked an eyebrow as her phone pinged, quickly looking down at it. Her mouth instantly stretched into a huge smile and she started bouncing her legs up and down as she slapped the table once very loudly.

“I’m about to die—” She took a deep breath as she squealed quietly, looking at me like she has won the lottery or something, “Wooyoung finally asked me to hang out!”

I smiled at my best friend, happy that things were going well for her, “So, it’s a date then?”

“Not yet.” She smiled as she was texting back, biting her lower lip with a huge smile on her face, “But perhaps soon.”

“Oh, he better ask you out soon,” I muttered just as another roar of squealing disturbed my pace of mind and I have reached my limit for today, that was it, “Or I’ll make him regret being born.”

Seulgi cackled at that as I grabbed my sketchbook and pencil and showed them inside my backpack, “Y/N! That’s too much, don’t you think—Where are you going?”

“Class.” I answered curtly, throwing my flannel shirt around my exposed shoulders as I wore a dark blue off-shoulder long sleeved blouse, paired with black ripped jeans and fishnets underneath.

“We’ve got like ten more minutes until then—”

“Yeah, but if I hear Mingi’s bitches squealing again in the next three seconds I might go ahead and jump out the fucking window.” I deadpanned and Seulgi bit her lower lip as it quivered, threatening to burst out into laughter. It wasn’t funny, and so, I gave her a harmless glare.

“Oh, God, you’re impossible. I can’t believe you’re this cranky.” She said as she finally started laughing.

“This isn’t me being cranky, this is me being irritated by someone’s whole ass existence, anyways, see you!” I called as I took off before Seulgi could say anything else, I knew she’d be following me soon after as we had to walk to the other side of campus to reach the Art’s building.

『Run, baby, run

Run for your life

I'ma tear out your heart

It'll always be mine』

I steeled my expression and pushed my shoulders back as I took off towards the exit, gripping the straps of my backpack tightly. The closer I got to it—which meant I was also getting closer and closer to the table Mingi sat at—the louder those girls voices got. Anyone close enough could hear what they were screaming about—okay, they weren’t screaming, but they were loud—and it made me bite my lower lip as I started tapping my finger against the strap of the backpack, trying to calm my nerves. But Mingi was just sitting there, basking in the attention, grinning and laughing loudly at the very shitty and poor attempts of flirting of the girls, and I really didn’t mean to, but my eyes landed on them and my jaw fell a little bit open when I noticed him signing some stupid looking banner with his face plastered all over it as a black-haired girl was gushing about his looks and deep voice. Where the hell were we? Highschool?! I knew Seulgi was praying right now to all the existing Gods and asking them to let me pass by their table without no disturbances, but that just wasn’t possible as my cheeks flushed in disgust and anger, shooting a sharp glare at the side of Mingi’s face.

“Even your autograph is pretty.” One of the girl’s sighed dreamily, “Can you get any more perfect?”

“Oh, angel, you haven’t even seen everything and you’re already head over heels for me?” Mingi’s voice dropped a few octaves as he blinked up at the girl seductively and I might have as well thrown up in my mouth. I scoffed as I passed behind him, stomping my feet perhaps a little bit too hard as I noticed two girls glance my way.

“Assuming things once again, aren’t you?” My tone was snappy and ice cold as I threw in the comment in passing. I didn’t intend on stopping, but Mingi’s instant reply made me halt.

“Insulting others once again, aren’t you?” I huffed quietly as I bit my lower lip, whirling around. For a second I was taken aback by the unimpressed looks thrown my way by the girls, but I didn’t let it show on my face.

“Only those worthy of getting put in their places, Mingi.” I allowed a cheeky smile slip onto my lips as I stared him down, his eyebrows slightly furrowing. I was surprised to see the dark eyeshadow give more depth at the outer corner of his eyes, the makeup being absent last night. His lips were shiny and you could see the blemishes clearly on his jawline now, his black hair still covering his forehead messily. His grey jumper was oversized and reached mid-thigh over his denim jeans; matching jacket draped around his chair.

“Isn’t it a delight seeing you today as well, Y/N.” Mingi’s tone was mocking as he raised one eyebrow, making me roll my eyes, “Good morning.”

“My morning was good until I heard your puppets and you giggling as if we were in highschool—and it’s noon, Mingi, thought you were smart enough to know lunch time was during noon.”

“What’s your problem?” The blonde snapped and placed a possessive hand on Mingi’s shoulder, which made him cast her a side glance. His lips twitched, and for a second—just a little second—I was able to see the irritation in his eyes at the unwanted touch; it almost made me furrow my eyebrows and throw a questioning glance at Mingi, but I stopped myself. I was certainly misreading his expressions. He loved this, the attention and praises. He was pathetic.

“You and the dude you’re worshiping as if he were a Greek God—” I sighed dramatically, leaning down a little as I made eye contact with Mingi, “Get over yourself.”

It made him chuckle and his nose scrunched up, eyes slightly becoming smaller, but there was no humor in the sound he made, “At least they don’t show up to a performance without knowing the artists and start shitting on them unwarranted, insulting them as if they were superior to them. I say you’ve got something to learn from these girls, Y/N.”

I scoffed and crossed my arms in front of my chest, “Yeah, like what? How to pucker my lips and bat my eyelashes at you to gain your attention? Or throw in cringey flirting and nonconsensual touches?” 

The girls seemed shocked as I threw them all a glare before my gaze landed on the embarrassing banner as I felt Mingi’s heated gaze on my face. He didn’t say anything as his jaw clenched, palms balling up into fists. My eyes fell back on him and our gazes locked, both of us annoyed at this point, as we stared each other down, glares molding into one sharp look as we both refused to look away first. If he thought I was going to back down, he was wrong. His sharp eyes were narrow as a fierce look glazed over them, and for a split second, my eyes fell on the mole underneath his right eye. The drawing I was doodling not even half an hour ago flashed in my mind and I clicked my tongue, suddenly irritated with myself and with Mingi for getting to me so easily.

『Oh, there she go

Losing my head』

“Your silence says everything I needed to know—”

“Don’t get too cocky, smarty pants, silence speaks louder at times and you’re down right embarrassing yourself right now.” My jaw hung open at Mingi’s next words, which were harsh and hissed out as his raspy voice reached my ears, and I sneered at him.

“The only embarrassing one here,” I looked around, “are your puppets, bro. And that fucking shit ass banner.”

Before anyone could say anything I whirled around and stormed off, aware that Seulgi had seen the exchange from afar and was up on her feet, basically scurrying around to gather her things and come to the rescue of Mingi. I just knew she’d have his back and I really didn’t have the energy to sit around and listen to her chastise me in front of him and his baboons. However, I did hear the girls throwing insults after me, Mingi remaining an awful lot silent. It’s not like he could’ve said anything. And I knew he wished to say them to my face, to see the rise he got out of me. I scoffed as I stormed out the building, wanting to let out a frustrated cry in the meantime.

『Please don't waste any time

The sirens are turning red

I found a whole another vice』

            It had gotten dark outside by the time Seulgi and I headed to our curricular art class, fog slowly settling upon our little town as the lampposts illuminated the dark streets, casting an aery yet comforting feeling. I would have to walk home later tonight, but I found the thought relaxing and much needed after the tumultuous day I have had. I couldn’t stand still all day after the encounter with Mingi and his baboons, I couldn’t help but mull over his words over and over again, so much so, that I got called out in one of the classes by the professor. It was embarrassing, but what was even more embarrassing was that one of the girl’s from the table shared three classes with me and kept sending me unwanted glares, pissing me off to no end. If Seulgi wouldn’t have been by my side the whole day, I probably would’ve confronted the girl and cussed her out, ruining my image more in her eyes, if that was even possible.

I was slouched forward, chin resting on my palm and elbow pressing into my thigh as I listened to Seulgi ramble on about how her hangout with Wooyoung went. Her cheeks had a constant flush on them and I grinned as she sucked in a deep breath as she desperately needed it after talking for a few good minutes without stopping.

“And he bought me coffee too even though I never asked,” She bit her lip, trying to contain herself, “He was waiting for me with it in his hands.”

“That’s sweet of him.” I mumbled and looked behind Seulgi, looking out towards the class. Today not many could make, there was a total of five students sitting around the room, working diligently on their sketches. Today’s theme was the human body, a shape or an outline of your choice. It could be a face, a body, or a shadow like figure. Everyone had free reign of choosing the style as long as it was a human shape.

“I know, and his hands were freezing cold,” Seulgi gushed, “So, I gave him my gloves.”

“The Hello Kitty ones?” I asked with a quiet chuckle, turning the pencil over in my hands. I was itching to get started on our assignment, but Seulgi was on her rant once again and I didn’t want to interrupt her again. I have felt bad all day long for upsetting her in the cafeteria; I shouldn’t ruin her mood just because I’m cranky myself.

“Yes!” Seulgi laughed while covering her mouth, “And he looked so cute wearing them, Y/N! We couldn’t stop giggling about it. Pink might be his color.”

“You should’ve dared him to wear something pink at their next performance.” I added with a chuckle, making Seulgi giggle as her cheeks flushed even a darker shade of red. If she kept up with this, her whole face would turn red and she’d look like a tomato.

“I don’t think that would fit the whole rocker concept they have going on.” She muttered with a chuckle and I just shrugged, glancing at my bare paper. I hoped Seulgi would get the hint that I really wanted to start drawing now, but she opened her mouth again.

“He suggested we take a selfie—” Seulgi let out a dreamy sigh, “I don’t think I have enough self-control to not set it as my lock screen.”

“Wouldn’t that be too fast?” I wondered, raising an eyebrow at her. Seulgi nodded, looking slightly defeated.

“It would, I just hope the day will come when I’ll be able to do so.” Her voice got quieter as she looked down at the ground and I didn’t like the sudden drop of confidence. So, I grabbed her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, smiling at her encouragingly.

“It will come, stop doubting everything and just go with the flow.” I offered her a big smile, “I know Wooyoung is a generally nice guy, but his kindness feels different with you. It’s sweet.”

“Stop.” Seulgi hushed me, lightly slapping my arm, “You’re feeding into my delusions, I don’t want to get hurt if things really don’t end well.”

“Have some faith in him, yeah?” I slapped my hands together as I straightened in my seat, glancing at Seulgi’s usual spot, “Shouldn’t you start drawing, though? We’ve got an hour only today.”

“Shit!” Seulgi exclaimed loudly as if she just remembered where we were and what we were doing, “I totally forgot what I’m supposed to be doing right now, this is embarrassing.”

“Off you go!” I shooed her off with a laugh and Seulgi scrambled to her place, face red as she quickly tied her long hair in a low ponytail, eyebrows furrowing as she opened her sketchbook. Despite Wooyoung being the only thing on her mind, I knew she wouldn’t be drawing him. Seulgi was spontaneous and very creative. She found it easy to draw whatever was on her mind, whether it was human shaped, abstract, or a landscape. She had a natural talent when it came to human figures and she absolutely loved drawing anyone whom she had in mind. Which was the opposite of me. I couldn’t draw just anyone. It took me lots of hours of studying and tracing ones features with imaginary lines, mapping out their faces and bodies in my mind carefully before putting them on paper. I needed a muse when it came to drawing humans, and before dating Yunho, I never even had one. Before dating Yunho, I could barely draw an eye. During our relationship I learned many things about myself, and one of them was that I needed to hyper fixate on something—or someone—if I wanted to place them on a paper. It wasn’t obsession, I wouldn’t call it that, it simply was something I found beautiful and inspiring enough to put on paper. I usually did it mindlessly too, used to always drawing Yunho when it came to this subject, so I didn’t bat an eyelash as I relaxed my muscles and allowed my mind to rest as my hand took over, bravely creating lines on the blank paper.

『I always thought it would be easy (easy)

To get you out my mind (mind)』

However, to my utter shock, it didn’t take long for me to realize that the man in my drawing, even by its simple outlines, wasn’t Yunho. It looked nothing like him. My quiet thoughts started to get louder and louder the longer I allowed my hand to trace new lines, go over the older ones and bolden them. Shadows casted over the sharp eyes as I traced the outline of their tall nose, eyebrows scrunching when it seemed like the man was glaring back at me. I couldn’t help but glare back, repulsed by the nagging name ringing through my mind the second I placed the mole underneath his right eye. Mingi. Song Mingi. I didn’t want to admit it. This wasn’t him. The man in my drawing wasn’t Song Mingi. It looked nothing like him. It was pure coincidence that his nose and eyes and moles were in the same spot as Mingi’s. My hand faltered and grip tightened around the pencil once I got to draw the lips, wondering whether I wanted to finish this sketch today—or any other day at all. Deep down I knew I didn’t, but I also hated leaving my works unfinished and there was something deep inside me telling me to suck it up, to stop being childish. It was just a damn drawing. It meant nothing. It really didn’t. Especially since I couldn’t stand him. His annoying stupid smirk. My jaw clenched when Mingi’s smug face stared back at me, almost as if my brain took a picture of his face during lunch break and decided to taunt me by recalling every single detail as I worked diligently.

『I think I found a new addiction

It feels so right』

I have long finished the drawing, giving up to finishing it thoroughly as I felt my muscles spasm just at the thought of perfecting Mingi’s face in my own sketchbook. Anyone could see this. Hell, the other students in this class could ask me to show them my drawing for some inspiration and then I’d be fucked. There’s no way others didn’t know about Mingi and his band. Perhaps I had been the only one living under a rock this whole time, oblivious to the music department and their endeavors at our university. And if word got out that I started drawing Song Mingi, I’d rather die than face him ever again. That simply just wasn’t possible. I refused to even entertain such thought. I’d rather draw my ex of five years and have others think I still wasn’t over him—I seriously am—and bash me for living in the past than start talking about my—inexistent—crush on Song Mingi. The shuffling of papers and sudden movement of others in the room brought me out of my glaring contest with the fake Mingi on my paper and I turned around when I heard my name being called out.

“Could you check this out for me?” Jake, a second-year student, asked shyly. I nodded with a smile and got off my stool, stretching, before I headed his way. He wasn’t an art major, but he apparently had always enjoyed drawing, so he joined our little club. His skills were pretty good, but he still had a lot to learn. As I stopped by his desk, I was met with the face of a girl. She was smiling brightly and the drawing was really good, the shading lacked, but that wasn’t such a big problem.

“Oh, this one is really good, Jake. You’ve gotten a lot better lately.” I offered him an encouraging smile as I patted his back, “Maybe adding a bit more shading next time will do the trick better, hm?”

“Thanks!” Jake beamed as he started gathering his stuff, making me nod as Krystal, a classmate of Seulgi and I, beckoned me over.

“I suck at human shapes, you know that.” She said with a sharp chuckle, lips pulled into a grimace as she slowly turned her sketch around. Yeah, Krystal was really bad at human shapes but it wasn’t something to get judged for. Drawing humans was very difficult and I couldn’t blame her for struggling with it, when, I, myself struggled most of times. However, this drawing presented itself as her best so far.

“This is amazing, Krystal, what are you talking about?!” I exclaimed as I gaped at the outline of two girls leaning onto each other, hugging around the shoulders. One of them was taller and the other one had longer and lighter hair. It must’ve been her older sister and her in the drawing. Their faces weren’t detailed or defined, but their shapes were very beautiful and precise.

“Good, God, I never struggled this hard in my life before.” She said with a sigh and got off her stool as Jake and Yunjin waved goodbye and left. Seulgi bounced over, curious to see Krystal’s drawing, and squealed when she saw it.

“You have to show this to Professor Yoon!” Seulgi exclaimed, “He’ll pass you in a second straight to next year’s class.”

Her comment got Krystal laughing and I shook my head as I walked away once I noticed Yiren struggled packing her stuff away. She was the youngest in our club and a little clumsy, always bumping into things and dropping paint on the floor whenever we were painting. She thanked me quietly as she scrambled around to pack her things and then rushed away shyly, quietly thanking me as she ran out the door. I stopped for a second and wondered why she always looked so intimidated by me. Seulgi walked up to her desk and started putting her things away as well as I walked back to my place, grabbing my backpack to put my pencils away. Krystal and Wheein greeted us in unison before walking out the door, leaving Seulgi and I alone. She approached me with a huge grin on her face, dangling her drawing carelessly between her fingers. I chuckled as I watched her, raising an eyebrow, “Who did you draw?”

“Oh, Joohyun!” Seulgi grinned and showed me her drawing eagerly, her cousin’s face staring back at me as she was laughing hard. I could hear Joohyun’s cackling laughter echo in my head and I smiled at the drawing, missing the girl. She was a few years older than us and had moved away to a different country in order to pursue her modelling career. Seulgi and Joohyun were like sisters, and being Seulgi’s best friend, I had the pleasure of meeting the phenomenal woman her cousin was.

“This is so gorgeous, Seulgi.” I said with a pout and a sigh, “You made me miss Joohyun now.”

“She’s visiting in two months!” Seulgi exclaimed, the news sweeping excitement into my veins as my eyes widened.

“Really?!”

“Yes!” Seulgi grinned, closing her sketchbook, “I can’t wait for us to hang out, it’s been too long since we’ve seen Joohyun.”

“Indeed.” I sighed and picked up the rubber I have dropped like an hour ago, “I also wish I had your skills when it comes to drawing human shapes.”

“Why? So that you can draw Yunho better?” Seulgi’s cackle wasn’t malicious but there was slight judgement in her eyes as I rolled mine.

“You’re so funny today, have I already told you?” I mocked her and Seulgi huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“What? Tell me I’m wrong.” But before I could tell her she was wrong, she was speaking again, “I know you drew him again, Y/N.”

“I didn’t!” My response was too fast and defensive and I regretted speaking up the second I saw Seulgi’s eyes flash with interest.

“You didn’t draw Yunho?” She asked shocked, not even bothering to hide it. I sighed lowly, awaiting the questions tumbling off her lips for the next thirty minutes, “Who is it then?”

“No one important.” I muttered, eyes falling on the drawing, making me realize that I had to put it away before Seulgi got the chance of seeing it. I wouldn’t live another day if she got even a glimpse of it, “Let’s go.”

But as I reached for the sketchbook, Seulgi slapped my hand away hard—it started stinging instantly—and ripped my sketchbook off the drafting board. Her eyebrows furrowed for a second as her eyes took in the drawing, and then, a loud gasp left her lips as her eyes shot up, staring at me wide eyed, confusion written all over her face.

『Run, baby, run

Run for your life

Gonna tear out your heart

It'll always be mine』

“This isn’t Yunho—”

“I told you—”

“Bitch, this is Song fucking Mingi?!” Seulgi’s voice raised and I gulped, mentally preparing myself for the screaming and nagging to follow. But Seulgi sounded an awful lot composed despite the various emotions written all over her face, “What is Song Mingi doing in your drawing?”

“That’s not Song Mingi.” Was the best I could do as I scoffed, gripping the sketchbook as I tried to yank it out of her hands, but Seulgi was gripping it firmly.

“Yeah, sure, and I’m fucking blind then—” Seulgi rolled her eyes before giving me a deadpan look, “This is Mingi, Y/N, you’re not bullshitting your way out of this. Now, explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain.” I didn’t mean to snap, but it happened, “It’s not Mingi. Why the hell would I even draw that fucker? It’s just a random face which popped into my head and I drew it mindlessly, alright? Maybe it looks like Mingi, but it’s not him.”

“Yeah, sure, and I’m the fucking Pope in Vatican—”

“Seulgi!” I snapped and tugged on the sketchbook again, finally getting her to release it. She didn’t seem too impressed as I quickly shut the sketchbook and grabbed my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder, “Shut up and let’s just go.”

“The hell am I shutting up, bitch.” Seulgi scoffed as she got her backpack too, “That’s Mingi and you can’t gaslight me with this one. Are you into him—”

“Oh, my God!” I exclaimed with disgust ridden all over my face, “Do you even hear yourself right now?! How could I be into him? I hate his guts!”

“That’s why you fucking drew him—”

“I didn’t draw him!” I finally exclaimed just as we got out the room, Seulgi shutting the door loudly behind us after she turned the lights off.

“You’ve been acting hella weird ever since we’ve been to Outlaw, Y/N, what are you not telling me?” Seulgi leaned against the wall as I locked up the room.

“I am not acting weird and there’s nothing I’m not telling you, so, will you just drop this whole thing?” I snapped, raising my eyebrows at her in irritation. Seulgi bit her lower lip and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked like she was contemplating. But one another glance at my face and she knew she wouldn’t get anything out of me, so she just sighed and shook her head as she pushed off the wall.

“Fine, let it be your way,” She muttered, falling in step with me by my side, “At least it’s not Yunho anymore. You’re finally getting over him—”

“Bitch, I’ve been over him for ages.” I threw my best friend a sharp glare and she just chuckled, shaking her head at me. I held back the urge to slap the back of her head hard in hopes that her delusional thoughts would get slapped out of her head with the effort.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She mocked and before I could go off on her again, she faced me and smiled brightly, “Want to get McDonald’s before we head home?”

All thoughts of Mingi and wanting to hold a whole ass speech to Seulgi about him flew out of my mind at the mention of said junk food and I nodded eagerly, linking my arm with Seulgi’s as she started talking about a girl in her history class and how she managed to embarrass herself and her professor at the same time today.

『Run, baby, run

Run, baby, run』

❱❱ Next chapter

[cygnus-rex]

We all overanalyze know about Joel’s neck kisses playlists, and he knows we know.

What if Etho had a neck kisses playlist?

For funsies, I made one. I based it off music he said he likes and stuff he’s listened to in the past: Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless, Halocene, Paramore, AViVA, Monstercat.

I also included lyric samples below--enjoy!

“I Get Off” - Halestorm

There's so much left unspoken Between the two of us It's so much more exciting To look when you can't touch You could say I'm different Maybe I'm a freak But I know how to twist you To bring you to your knees I get off on you Getting off on me Give you what you want But nothing is for free It's a give and take Kind of love we make When the line is crossed I get off

"I Want You (She’s So Heavy)" - Halestorm

I want you I want you so bad, babe I want you I want you so bad It's driving me mad It's driving me mad

“Into You” - Halocene

I'm so into you I can barely breathe And all I wanna do Is to fall in deep But close ain't close enough 'Til we cross the line, hey-yeah So name a game to play And I'll role the dice, hey Oh baby, look what you started The temperature's rising in here Is this gonna happen? Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move Before I make a move

“Reckless” - Halocene

You make me so damn reckless You made my life a hurricane You make me so damn reckless I’ve lost all sense of reality And I don’t wanna fight it I invite your insanity

“Fetish” - Halocene

I can’t deny Your appetite You got a fetish for my love I push you out and you come right back Don’t see a point in blaming (you) If I were you I’d do me (too)

“Focus” - Halocene

Focus on me (focus) Focus on me (focus on me) I can tell you're curious It's written on your lips Ain't no need to hold it back Go head and talk your shit I know you're hoping that I'll react I know you're hoping I'm looking back But if my real ain't real enough Then I don't know what is Let's find a light inside our universe now Where ain't nobody keep on holding us down Just come and get it let them say what they say 'Cause I'm about to put them all away

“Break In” - Halocene

Yeah, it's perfectly reckless Damn, you leave me defenseless So break in And take everything I have Till there is nothing left Till it's just your voice in my head And when the lights come on You see me as I am You're still inside me

“Pillowtalk” - Holocene

Yeah, reckless behavior A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw In the bed all day, bed all day, bed all day Lovin’ you, fightin’ on It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone Pillow talk My enemy, my ally

“Mad Love” - The Pretty Reckless

Now there's someone inside me I think it's you Won't let you go, babe Until I am through with Your love […] I am alive when I battle with you You think you amaze me I think that it's true

"You" - The Pretty Reckless

You can't see me, no Like I see you I can't have you, no Like you have me And I want you in my life And I need you in my life

“Crushcrushcrush” - Paramore

I got a lot to say to you Yeah, I got a lot to say I noticed your eyes are always glued to me Keeping them here And it makes no sense at all […] I guess I'm dreaming again Let's be more than this

“Still Into You” - Paramore

I should be over all the butterflies But I'm into you (I'm into you) And baby, even on our worst nights I'm into you (I'm into you) Let 'em wonder how we got this far 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah, after all this time, I'm still into you Well, some things just, some things just make sense And one of those is you and I (Hey) Some things just, some things just make sense And even after all this time (Hey)

“Emergency” - Paramore

If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong 'Cause I won't stop holding on So are you listening? So are you watching me? [...] 'Cause I've seen love die Way too many times When it deserved to be alive When it deserved to be alive I've seen you cry Way too many times When you deserved to be alive

"Be Alone" - Paramore

So what if I don't have a lot to talk about? I shut my mouth and keep it locked until it counts And what if I don't ever want to leave my house? Stay on the couch while all my friends are going out Alone You should be alone Yeah, you should be alone You should be alone with me We could be alone Yeah, we could be alone But never get too lonely

"Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)" - Paramore

The longer that I live with this idea The more I sink in To this 4/4 beat, I'm in time with you, oh-oh, oh-oh To this 4/4 beat, I would die for you (Let's stop this song) I've gone too far to come back from here But you don't have a clue You don't know what you do to me I've come too far to get over you And you don't have a clue You don't know what you do to me […] It creeps in like a spider Can't be killed Although I try and try to Well, don't you see I'm falling? Don't want to love you But I do

"It's Okay It's Alright" - AViVA

You're possibly wondering if things will be alright You know I can't promise but I know we'll both try 'Cause when I look into your eyes they're like the sun And when you smile I feel so warm and so at home

"Wasteland" - AViVA

See you standing right there, right there I couldn't change you, wouldn't change a thing Tonight I'm watching both your bright eyes They're full of danger, full of questioning Your lips, your touch, it always drives me crazy Always drives me crazy It's way too much, with you, it's never maybe You, it's never maybe

"Love and War" - AViVA

Thought that I couldn't be me Without the pieces of you Making it so hard to breathe I still don't know what to do You've cut my heart from me, run from me But I trusted you so Thought that you'd fight with me, fight for me Now I really don't know

"Run Right Back" - ORACLE & Holochrome (Monstercat)

A thousand miles in between us Talk all night, it’s never enough Try my best to believe in love But I’m a mess and you’re the reason

"Thinking 'bout You" - Scarr. & Finding Mero (Monstercat)

[instrumental]

"Calling" - Mango, Cloudcage & Matt Sky (Monstercat)

Yeah, I've been trying hard to breathe Been pushin' down what's underneath It's growin' stronger and I'm gettin' weak It's risin' up and capturin' me […] We were down deep and had no clue Buried down, fallin' far for you Gettin' lost in a starless blue

"Strangers" - ORACLE & Holochrome (Monstercat)

I wonder Anything ever be better than this? I wonder Are you and I more than a passing eclipse? Dance in the sky Sun and the moon I shine in your eyes Looking at you like Shooting stars I'm in your atmosphere Love the way it feels, yeah

"Falling For You" - SABAI, With Løve, & Nevve (Monstercat)

Falling for you Suddenly shakes what I knew Your breaking through, brings me to life This is what it feels like

"All We Needed" - Koven (Monstercat)

All we had and all we lost All in time to speak to us Heaven knows at least that we tried Holding on to little things 'Cause we can't forget the better days Playing on repeat in my mind […] Stop giving to yourself We can have it all again We can have it all again Stop pushing me away We can have it all again We can have it all again

"Waiting" - Kuuro feat. Bianca (Monstercat)

Seek me out, hear me shout "Come get it" Don’t you simmer down, right now Want you acting like you’re in the wild […] Midnight, locked eyes Looking like you got an invite Alright, maybe we should take this outside Skin tight in the moonlight (Oh)

"Dilemma" - Stonebank & Bianca (Monstercat)

But I can see your eyes run down me And all my sense just floats away […] Hey, I'm in a dilemma 'Cause I want your body but I don’t do wrong I'm in a dilemma You've been looking over hеre for far too long, yeah The morе I look in your wicked eyes The more you're leaving me hypnotized No, no, no, I'm in a dilemma (Oh, yeah)

"Horizon" - Odsen & Katrine Stenbekk (Monstercat)

I used to view you as a mountain That I couldn't climb at first But I've only stumbled over diamonds And I no longer fear the worst You were the calm to my storm You could take the wind And though the winter would come Weighing on our shoulders at least the Ice could never break us in

[concreteburialplot]

Intertwined // 04

04 - Snapped Neck

pairing: noah sebastian x nicholas ruffilo

masterlists: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 5.1k

warnings; VERY SAD 🥲, mild yelling/verbal abuse?, hints at past abuse, reference to past character death, noah is a devastated horrible depressed mess, short time skips, don’t say i didn’t warn you - sorry in advance, don’t hate me 🥲

reminder; THIS IS AU, nothing is meant to be accurate, including family history/events/dynamics/members/names !!

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

i’d like to offer a small playlist for this chapter:

seven - taylor swift

matilda - harry styles

winner - conan gray

hard times - ethel cain

anything 4 u - LANY

if it keeps you up at night - the swoons

-NOAH-

After much-needed water bottles, I’m finally starting to feel somewhat normal again. Folio’s asleep in bed next to me while I lay on a laughably thin blanket on the floor. My eyes fully adjusted to the darkness and all I’m focused on is the popcorn ceiling and counting each plaster peak.

The party rages on the other side of the room and I wonder if anyone out there is sober enough to take me home. It’s almost 1 am and the party hasn’t slowed down. I sigh roughly and roll over to wrap the thin pillow around my head to cover both ears. Even through the cotton I can still vaguely hear the music and a song starts that Nicholas and I were obsessed with a couple months ago.

I chuckle quietly at the lyrics,

“That’s my best friend, she a real bad bitch…”

Such a silly song, even though it’s nothing like what we play or what we regularly listen to – we somehow always get the same pop-y songs stuck in our heads at the same time, then end up loving them unironically.

I shake my head with a stupid grin, thinking about the time we were in the kitchen doing a proper, ridiculous performance while we blasted it through a Google speaker. It started with that song but then snowballed into an entire concert at 2 am – all while his little sister just made fun of us, until she eventually caved in and joined our set.

We were all mic-ed up: me a dustpan, Nicholas a broom, and Stella a spatula.

I dig my front teeth into my bottom lip to stifle a laugh that would definitely wake up Folio.

The memory makes the ground below me that much more rigid.

I’ve already tried sleeping every which way on this god-forsaken carpet, but I can’t seem to get comfy.

The hard floor must be the reason I can’t fall asleep.

I flip back to lay flat.

I don’t really understand why Nick got so upset, but it’s been a long night, so I guess I get it. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled about getting in the lake. Fucking Folio.

And I know he doesn’t like parties.

I don’t really like them either. I think? Maybe I do now? I don’t know.

But I didn’t want to do this without him.

And I just let him leave like that…

God why did I let him leave.

I want to go home.

I need to go home.

There’s a sharp twist in my stomach when I unlock my dying phone and find no texts from him.

I open my bank app to check my balance. $33.87.

I exit and click on the Uber app, put in our address to see the price. $27.59.

I hit request.

I get home after an Uber ride from a questionable middle-aged man with ridiculous combover.

I fumble with my keys at the front door only to find that it’s not locked. I press my weight against the creaky wooden door to push it open. The house is quiet, if Nick’s car wasn’t in the driveway, I’d think the house was completely empty.

I quietly set my keys down on the wooden dining table across from the kitchen. The bedroom door in the hallway is closed, which I expected. I cross the linoleum and very gently twist the doorknob to peer inside. The small room is illuminated solely by moonlight beaming in through the large window by the bed. I step into the room and click the door closed behind me. When I walk over to the bed, the shimmering white light acts like a spotlight on his face and what I notice churns something deep in my chest. Dried streaks coat his face and look almost like rivers from puffy red eyes.

Surely, he didn’t come home that upset because of the argument we had, right?

I tug at my lip and very gently slip into bed beside him beneath the puffy duvet. The movement causes Nicholas to stir and turn away from me. I stay completely still, not even moving a muscle until he’s completely settled then turn in the same direction as him, just inches away from his back.

If he’s that upset with me, would he even want me here?

Am I intruding?

Is it really intruding if I live here too?

Maybe I should’ve stayed on Folio’s floor.

It’s only then that it really sets in that I really moved out, well more like kicked out, and I live here now. Mostly anyway.

But just because you live somewhere doesn’t mean it’s your home. While I love living with my best friend, and I love his family, and they feel like family – they’re not. As much as they try to not make me feel like one, I am an outsider here.

Even Folio in his frat house, sure he just got hazed and whatever, but he belongs there.

I don’t belong anywhere.

The closest thing I’ve gotten to what I imagine belonging feels like, is with Nicholas. But again, he has no tie to me. We’re friends of course, but if I pissed him off and he wanted me gone… well I’d have nothing. I’d have nowhere to go.

I hate this feeling, this feeling of relying on people.

It’s weird taking up space somewhere you have to walk on eggshells because it’s not yours. Because you don’t belong.  

It’s not like I felt like I belonged at home either, not after Mom passed.

So here is better than there at least.

At least there’s no yelling or slamming doors here.

My eyes drift through the moonlit darkness to the small pile of my belongings in the corner of the room. The sight sends a chill up my spine and my heart rate noticeably rises. I’m reminded that there are still some things waiting for me at my stepdad’s.

I want the ability to truly get on my own, if I don’t want to rely on people, I need to get my stuff so that I can actually make something of myself.

I need to at least try.

And to do that, I need my guitar and my keyboard. I’m nothing without them – and I won’t be able to be anything without them.

-NICHOLAS-

My eyes shoot open when shrill screams fill my eardrums. I nearly jump out of my skin at the noise, especially since I had gone to bed alone.

I don’t have the luxury of trying to figure out how Noah got home, just that he is and he’s having another night terror.

“Fuck.” I mutter.

Because I did such a great fucking job dealing with this last time.

I tug at his freezing cold arm and shake him vigorously but of course, it didn’t do much the first time, why would it have a different result now.

I replicate what I did the last time and straddle his lap, grabbing his wrists and pinning them at his sides to restrain his jerky movements.

“NOAH!” I repeat his name with increasing volume.

He wakes up slowly after a couple times of calling his name.

“Nicholas?” He asks groggily, with furrowed brows and squinted eyes.

I sigh, “Night terror.” I state curtly and pull off him, landing beside him with my back towards him.

“Oh.” He says softly and his eyes falter. “Sorry.”

There’s a twist of guilt in my gut because I should be softer with him after his terror, but I just don’t have it in me tonight. The teary soreness in my eyes reminds me just how much I don’t have it in me. I tug the sheets closer to my body.

He rustles around a bit trying to get comfortable, but I fall back asleep quickly. For a bit.

It’s not long after, maybe an hour or two, that I’m awoken once again but this time to a bunch of noise and the overhead light on at full brightness.

“What the fuck.” I mumble, sitting up and rubbing one eye while keeping the other mostly shut.

I turn to find Noah sitting on folded knees, manically rummaging through the couple bags he moved in with. He’s ripping through each one, tossing pieces of clothing out left and right, shaking out the empty bags as if they have hidden compartments.

“What the fuck are you doing Noah.” I ask, my tone soaked in annoyance, exhaustion, and anger.

“I can’t find some of my shirts. I need to get the rest of my shit out. Today.” He replies, his words rushed.

My brows knit together at his sudden – and poorly timed – bout of bravery and motivation. He’d been putting this off and avoiding it for weeks. And now he’s tearing apart his stuff, throwing shit all over our room at 4:30 in the morning… after a night of drinking?

I yawn and shake my head in confusion, “Wait, wait, wait, how did you even get home?”

“Uber.” He replies simply, his gaze still focused on his third bag not even looking up at me.

“You took an Uber home?” I ask somewhat skeptically, “Why didn’t you just call me?”

His rummaging movements pause with a bundle of shirts in hand, “Didn’t wanna bother you.” Then continues digging through the bag.

Normally I would go on a tangent about how I’d rather call me to pick him up instead of doing something stupid like possibly be driven home by someone inebriated – but I’m much too depleted, both physically and emotionally to do so.

“Well, you should’ve called me.” I tug the cotton sheets closer to my body and bunch the material to my chest. “What is this really about? You’re acting so strange.”

I reach over to the light switch and turn the knob to dim the white-yellow hue of the light above us.

“I just need to get my shit, Nicholas.” He huffs, seeming aggravated by my questions.

“Well, you’re gonna go alone if you keep snapping at me like that.” I retort, even though I’d never let him go alone.

He exhales and deflates with a balled-up band tee in his hands. “I just need to do it today. If I don’t do it today, I might not ever be able to.”

Honestly, this is the last thing I fucking needed after earlier tonight. I just wanted to fucking sleep. And not be around Noah.

Yet here I am, awake, around too much Noah.

“Fine.” I sigh. “Fine, we can go today – but only if you fucking wrap up whatever the fuck you’re doing and come to bed. If we’re really doing this today, you don’t need to be sleep-deprived for it.”

“Fine.” He agrees reluctantly and begins gathering the clothes to shove back into the bags. “But I probably won’t be able to sleep.”

“Well, you should at least try.” I scoot back into my left side to make room for him.

The box spring squeaks under the weight of him when slides in and immediately turns away from me. Normally I would be a tad offended, but tonight, I’m grateful.

Surprisingly, small snoozy noises escape him not long after his head hit the pillow. I lay facing him, watching the rise and fall of his ribcage like a metronome.

Concern and fear suddenly flood my bloodstream like a bad drug. Getting most of his stuff out the first time was no picnic and I just know this last time is going to be even worse. Frankly, I’m a tad worried about the things he’d left behind, I wouldn’t put it past his stepdad to throw them out.

I shake my head and try to focus on my breathing to calm me down. When that doesn’t work, I try counting.

I drift off to sleep before 30.  

My faux-leather steering wheel cover cracks under my fidgeting fingers. Noah can’t seem to sit still, running his hands up and down his thighs probably to self soothe. The anxiety is thick and tangible in the car. He would never admit it to me, but I know he’s scared shitless about going back home. Noah always tried to hide it from me, but I’m not stupid. It doesn’t matter how “anemic” or thin you are, you don’t amass that many bruises that frequently. I always wondered if that’s why he started wanting so many tattoos so suddenly. Maybe, on some level, that’s what made me want to start tattooing in the first place.

The normally 20-minute-long car ride felt like three hours, but when we arrived, I could’ve sworn it had only been 3 minutes.

I park on the curb at the end of the driveway and shut off the car. Just being on the tiny patch of lawn has my heart thumping through my chest and it’s not even my battle.

But I guess if I’m here with him,

If it’s his, it’s mine too.

As much as he wasn’t prepared to do this, neither was I. My gaze lands on the rectangular windows of the small yellow house. From the outside, it looks so normal, so happy even. It’s almost eerie how far from the truth that is.

I look over at him, just now realizing he hadn’t said a word the whole ride. He’s slumped in the passenger seat, one lanky arm wrapped around his own waist and the other stationed at his mouth. His eyes glued to the house behind me as he chews on his thumbnail.

“We can still go back home, Noah. We don’t have to do this today if you’re not ready.” I offer gently, mostly because I don’t think either of us are fully equipped to do this.  

“No. I have to do this.” His eyes finally falter away from the house and land on me.

“Okay. You sure you’re ready?” I ask quietly.

His teeth dig into his bottom lip. “No. But I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“I’m gonna be with you the whole time, okay?” I hold out my pinky. “Always, remember?”

He nods and hooks onto my pinky. “Always.”

As expected, I’ve landed myself in the middle of a brawl between Noah and his stepdad. I feel guilty and useless standing there as a bystander not interfering, but my feet can’t seem to move and my vocal cords have ceased to function.

Noah started off strong, full of adrenaline and blind bravery, but it didn’t take long for George to wear him down.

My heart beats loud in my ears and I can’t hear a word they’re saying. All I see is him waving around Noah’s guitar like it’s a toy, using it as an extension of his exaggerated furious expressions. Noah’s tall, but George is much taller and stronger than him, so Noah just looks like a mouse running around an elephant, scrambling trying to snatch the instrument back.

I’m not sure what they’re even screaming about but the argument escalates further than I ever expected it to. My eyes round as I witness each of George’s hands slide to either end of the guitar’s neck.

No

He wouldn’t

As if in slow motion, I watch the light pale from Noah’s face. His eyes wide and teary, and his brows curled up. I can see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes in real time as he watches his stepdad easily snap the neck of his beloved guitar.

The break is quick and sharp and fills the room with the sound of cords plucking and wood splintering. The noise after is even louder though, just jarring silence.

Until George opens his mouth again. “Get your sad, pathetic little toys and your little boyfriend out of my goddamn house.” Rasps his deep Western accent.

He forcefully tosses the broken instrument at Noah, hitting him so hard it knocks him backwards. The livid man storms across the house and slams the master bedroom door behind him.

Noah’s knees buckle and land harshly on the carpeted floor, holding the guitar in his arms as if it’s a wounded soldier in battle. His face scrunches up around his eyes and tears just begin pouring from him. His chest hiccups with each sob that escapes. He curls the wooden pieces in his arms into his chest and rests his forehead against the curve of the guitar. His cries heave his entire body.

I’m frozen where I stand. What I just witnessed might as well have been a murder. I’ve seen Noah cry, of course, but this is something I’ve only ever seen once before. Besides that one time, I’ve never seen him this bad. At least, he’s never letme see him this bad.

I gently meet him on the floor. For some reason, I feel hesitant to touch him, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

I don’t dare even touch the arms that are gripped onto his guitar so, I rest my hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t even react to my touch at all, as if he can’t even feel it.

“Noah…” I say cautiously. “Let’s just get you out of here, okay? We just need to grab your stuff and get out. We can figure this out later… later when we’re not here.”

He doesn’t respond and when I try to nudge him even a little bit, he’s solid like concrete where he’s kneeled.

“C’mon Noah we gotta go.” I stretch up to double-check that the bedroom door is still closed. “I’ll get the rest of your stuff. We just need to get you out of here.” I urge and squeeze his shoulder a bit.

His fingers dig into the instrument as he takes a deep sniffle and screws his eyes shut tight, shoving the salty tears out. He just gives me a little nod against the guitar, letting me know that he understands but doesn’t move.

“Please, Noah.” I beg and try pulling at his arm again. “Please get up. I need you to get up for me.”

He gives a little of his arm to me and not much more. But I take what I can get and use both of my arms to weakly lift him up from the floor by his underarms. I basically carry him out of the house, his body limp as I drag him backwards across the overgrown lawn. Shards of dying grass cling to our clothes and dust kicks up all over the back of his jeans.

I feebly open my back door and let him crawl into the backseat with the guitar tight in his grip. He immediately lays with it across the cushions and some boxes.

Luckily, we had gotten most of his belongings already so there was just the final sweep left to do.

Thankfully, George is still holed up in his room, though that doesn’t ease my panicked heart-pounding in my ears. Noah’s room is completely bare except for a half-filled trash bag of miscellaneous belongings. I drag the heavy bag across the stained beige carpet, but I stop at something that catches my eye.

In one cubicle of many that make up a huge bookshelf are a couple of photo albums in chronological order spanning over a few years. From the peek-through covers I can tell that they’re filled with pictures of his parents, or maybe at least his mom.

My head snaps at a stir that comes from behind the bedroom door and in a split-second decision, I scoop all the photo albums and throw them into the black trash bag. I use all my strength to heave the now extra bulky bag across the yard as I run towards the car.

I toss the bag into the trunk and slam the door before rounding the car, throwing myself so hard into the driver’s seat that I nearly tip the car over. I take a glance in my rear-view to check on Noah and find his body tightly curled around the instrument sobbing even worse than how I left him. Seeing him like this… gives me an ache in my chest that I didn’t even know could hurt so much. It’s so excruciating that I could almost vomit from it.

I quickly shift the car into drive and speed off so fast that my wheels squeal.

I’m unsure what to do or what to say. It feels like saying anything would only make things worse at risk of saying something wrong. I always feel guilty when situations like this happen with his family because I can’t imagine what he feels. I don’t know what I’d do without my family, and I can’t even fathom someone treating their child like that, especially him. Noah is the last person on earth that deserves that.

I bite my nail as I walk back and forth in the living room lost in my thoughts.

“Honey, why don’t you come sit down?” My mom suggests patting the couch cushion next to her. “Pacing around the living room isn’t going to help anything.”

I sigh and meet her on the couch, “You should’ve seen him, Mamá.” I run my fingers through my sweat-coated roots. “Oh my god, it was horrible.”

She begins rubbing small circles into my back, “I know Gatito.” She tries to soothe, using her Spanish nickname for me – she always told me I resembled a small cat. “But we know what his family is like, I’m surprised something like this hadn’t happened sooner.”

“Yeah…” I trail off, biting down hard on my thumbnail thinking of all the things we never told her his stepdad had done. If she knew the things he’d done to him – especially in front of me – who knows what she’d do. She’s a Hispanic single mother, nothing would be able to stop her – and a George vs. Mom battle royal is the last thing we need.

“I’ve just never seen anyone that… defeated before. That guitar was everything to him.” I hang my head and use both hands to cover my face.

“Well, you know, maybe we could pull together some extra money by Christmas?” She offers. “I could pick up some extra shifts at the hospital.”

“No, no, Mom, you don’t understand.” I sigh and turn my head to her against my propped palm. “His mom gave him that guitar.”

“Oh.” She replies solemnly in understanding.

“There’s a music store in town where I get my vinyls, they do repairs there.” My sister speaks up from across the room, resting on the column that separates the living room from the kitchen. “Maybe you could see if they could fix it?”

I blink blankly as I process her words and it’s like a lightbulb illuminates above my head. “You actually might have a good idea for once Stell.”

 She rolls her eyes, “I’m trying to be helpful, you don’t have to be rude.”

“I’m your brother, it’s kind of my job to be rude.”

“Whatever.” She takes a sip from her obnoxiously sized water bottle. “There’s a really cute guy that works there, I think he does most of the repairs. His name is Jolly, tell him Stella sent you.” She winks.

“Augh.” I groan in disgust and wave her boy craze away. “I’ll be sure to do that.” I add sarcastically.

A serious stillness falls over the room like everyone is equally unsure of how to proceed.

“What are you gonna do about Noah?” Stella asks softly, her voice laced with concern.

My leg bounces in anxious uncertainty as my eyes drift over to my closed bedroom door.

“I don’t know.”

I gently knock on my door and slowly creek it open. The room is pitch black with just Noah on the bed curled up around his guitar, his shoulder length hair splayed across the pillows, and the duvet wrapped around him like a cocoon. He’d been hidden away in my room like this since we got home.

“You awake?” I question timidly, readjusting the tray in my hands.

It takes a moment, but he replies with a tiny, short groan.

“I brought you soup. You know, the chicken noodle my mom makes that you like so much?”

Another brief pause followed by a slightly more intrigued grumble.

I take it as permission to enter and precariously make my way over to him. There’s a sliver of mattress left behind him, and I fit half my ass on it.

I allow him the space to be quiet with me for a bit.

“How are you doing?” I ask, even though it’s an asinine question.

He just sniffles.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I sigh quietly. “Is there anything I can do?”

He sniffles again and scooches further into the bed, onto my side.

I silently tap my index finger on the plastic tray, pondering what that could mean before I speak. “You want me to lay with you?”

He gives a small ‘mhm’ groan.

“Okay, I can do that. But can you eat for me?”

He replies with a ‘nuh-uh’ whine.  

I exhale knowing this was going to be an uphill battle. “Noah, you’ve gotta eat.”

He shakes his head in resistance again.

“C’mon, just a couple bites…for me?”

A pause before he lets out a defiant but agreeing sigh.

“You’re not gonna move, are you?”

He shakes his head.

I breathe out trying not to sound annoyed because I should be grateful that he even cooperated this much.

Maneuvering around him from behind, I hold the bowl in one hand and the spoon in the other. Thankfully, the soup had cooled down to just a bit warmer than room temperature. I scoop a spoonful of it, making sure to get a little bit of everything: noodle, chicken, and carrot – if he’s only going to take a couple bites, I have to make sure they count.  I carefully bring the spoon over to his lips, he lifts his head just a bit and takes the spoonful into his mouth. He let me give him 4 or 5 bites, which was more than I expected, before rejecting the rest.

I set the bowl on the nightstand, lift the sheets, and nestle into the space he made for me.

“Thanks for eating.” I say quietly. “I know you didn’t want to.”

He nods mutely.

I press my lips together. “I’m sorry about what happened today.”

He’s silent. Slowly but surely sniffles and sobs begin to pour from him again. I immediately feel the twist of guilt in my stomach for being the one to trigger his tears again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I-I can leave if you want some priv–“

His hand reaches behind him and firmly captures my wrist.

“Stay.” He begs in a coarse whisper, the first thing he’s said since we came home. “Please?”

His voice is so cracked and hoarse, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was sick.

I falter a second to respond but he must’ve felt the hesitation.

“It helps.” He croaks. “Remember?”

The churn in my chest returns and there’s an ache in my heart that accompanies it. If I could somehow magically take all of this away, I would, even if it meant trading places with him. Even if it meant I’d be the one hurting instead.

I feel so fucking useless, not being able to do much for him.

But at least I can do this.

“Okay.” I respond cautiously and settle further into the bed, now essentially spooned around his body.

His grip on my wrist never left so I let our joined arms rest on his hip. I can’t seem to gather with the right words to say to him, I mean what can you really say after something like that?

So, I offer him the only words that feel suitable.

“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. You know that right?”

There’s a long quiet, so long that I think he may have fallen asleep.

But then he squeezes my wrist.

“Thank you.”

I sense the urge to do something, but I’m not sure how he’ll react. I don’t know, maybe it would help?

I tug at where his hand meets mine and he gives me an upset grumble, like he doesn’t want me to leave.

“I just… is it okay if - can I try something?” I ask shyly, suddenly very nervous, nervous enough to have my heart racing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I catch his brows furrowing. I can tell he wants to be stubborn and keep me latched there, but curiosity always gets the best of him. He slowly loosens his grip on my wrist.

I didn’t notice that my palms were sweating until I’ve retrieved my hand. I press my lips flat and feel like my ribcage could burst open at any minute from how hard my heart beats against it.

My body is screaming at me to do it and as much as I want to fight it, I can’t.

Maybe it would help

I let my arm go where it wants to go. It slithers beneath the covers and through the space between Noah’s arm and his side. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull flush against him.

We both freeze. My ears grow warm as the hour-long seconds pass.

Maybe he’s uncomfortable

Maybe he thinks this is weird

Maybe it is weird?

Is this weird?

Maybe he doesn’t like it

Maybe I’m making it worse

Maybe–

Unexpectedly, he just melts into me. His body molds into my arms like they were made just for him.

He finds my arm and brings it to his face, pressing his damp, swollen eyes against it. Small sobs fall into my arm and his grip on me is so tight I could turn blue.

Maybe he feels safe, and maybe he just needed to feel safe to let the rest out.

My own eyes well up at the sound of him, at the feeling of his body heaving in my arms. I press my forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m always gonna be here.” I reassure him again through my own held-back tears.

He wipes his tears off with the collar of his shirt before pulling my arm back around his chest. He nuzzles into me, and I feel my heart swell so big it fills my entire chest.

I think I already know the answer, but I wanna hear it anyway.

“Does this help?”

He lets out a sleepy sigh as he nestles his back into my chest.

“You always help, Nicholas.”

Next Chapter -> 05 - Girl Crush*

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @cryingabtab @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

a/n; I know this was a heavy one 😅 i'm sorry, i hope you were able to enjoy it regardless.

Thank you for the support on this series and on my other series, Virality. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.

[galaxywarp]

I broke my grandma’s star projector.

My grandma passed away on February 26th, 2023 at 2:05pm.

In the absence of my shitty father, grandma moved in with us and helped raise me ever since I was very little. She was more like a parent than a grandparent in that sense, but she was also still very much my soft wonderful loving amazing grandmother. I don’t remember a time when she wasn’t right down the hall, always there and always happy to talk to me or hold me or play with me. Until…now, I guess.

I had bought a star projector a few years ago. She came into my room and was amazed by how beautiful it was. We sat on my bed together listening to some of her favorite Dean Martin songs and watching the colorful lights dance across the walls and ceiling. She loved it.

I ended up putting it in her room. Every night I would come in and ask her which color combination she wanted — it could be blue, green, red, or white, or any mixture of those. She usually preferred blue, and she liked when the green laser stars would fade in and out, instead of always being on. I would turn it on along with some music I had put on my old iPod for her. It was a 2nd generation iPod nano that I had used as a child but now had a playlist simply called “grandma <3” and was filled with all her favorites. I would put on the star projector and the music and sit with her for a bit until she fell asleep, watching the pretty lights with her and happy that I could do this for her.

She couldn’t bring the star projector when she moved into hospice, but she did bring her iPod. I would play it for her at the nursing home and it was beautiful to me that even with her advanced dementia, she could still sing along to her favorite songs. She could sing easier than she could talk. My mom told me that had something to do with how the brain processes those two actions differently.

After she died, we had to clean out her room. I decided I wanted the star projector. To remember all the nights we enjoyed it together, and how I had been able to give her something beautiful.

As I was packing my things, I had set it down on my couch and briefly left the room.

I heard a crack.

It had fallen, and broken all over the floor.

My entire life, I’ve survived by running from my feelings. By burying them down and repressing them. Trauma after trauma, locked in a vault I refuse to open.

When I saw the broken pieces of our star projector, I went numb. I cleaned it up, and I threw it away, along with my feelings about what had just happened.

It’s August now. Nearly half a year since she died. And grief is now exploding out of me in the form of breaking that star projector.

I wanted to keep it. I wanted to keep it so, so badly. I wanted to keep this beautiful memory we shared together. I wanted to sit beneath those lights and think of her and all the times she had looked up at them in awe and wonder.

But I broke it. And now it’s gone forever. Just like she is.

I broke my grandma’s star projector. and I don’t know how I’m ever going to be okay with that.

[ssirenaamae]

HER| Park Jimin 박 지민

Based on the song “HER” by Chase Atlantic

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Chapter one

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"Sometimes, I wish you were a man, Kyung-Mi," Chung-Ae sighed.

What?

"I'm not even going to question what goes on in your mind at this point, Chung-Ae," I laughed as I continued to wipe one of the tables of the diner.

She tends to say the most random things ever. Her mind sure is something. Not going to lie, I'm kind of jealous.

"I'm serious! Men these days are just pure trash. Sure, there might be good guys out here somewhere—but so far all the ones I've met are just horrible. You have all the great qualities one looks for in a partner!" She whined.

I mean, she does have a point about it being tough to find some good partners these days. I've only been in like two relationships, but they weren't anything memorable or serious. At the same time, I wouldn't even count them as a relationship if they were in middle school though.

I was about to date a few guys back in high school, but they all either were messing with me, or it just didn't work out.

I guess I have terrible luck when it comes to men. Maybe I even have terrible qualities which leads me to still be single today, but Chung-Ae says other ways.

"You do have a point," I huffed.

After cleaning the final table in the diner, I take off my apron and smile in satisfaction. Today sure was a long day at the diner.

"Do you underestand, though?! Kyung-Mi, I don't want to end up alone and miserable. I need a man, and fast!" Chung-Ae complained.

"Honestly speaking—I feel the same way," I finally gave in and threw myself at one of the couches and groaned.

We both looked at each other and frowned. We can't stay in this depressing mood forever.

Who am I kidding, though? We're very pessimistic, so we'll probably keep on torturing ourselves about it.

"We have got to do something about this," Chung-Ae said.

"I think we should just let ourselves go with the flow," I replied.

"What? And leave ourselves single with 30 cats? No, thanks," she scoffed.

God, is she tiring sometimes...

If we keep on speaking about this topic, we'll probably ball our eyes out at this point. To be honest, I'm not really in the mood to wipe Chung-Ae's snot off her face—or listen to a sad playlist together.

"If I buy us dinner, will you shut up about this?"

"No way! I'm not that cheap, love," she huffed proudly.

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, I'm buying us dinner for a whole week. How about that?"

It grew silent for a moment.

"You have got yourself a deal."

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

"So then I looked this girl in the eye and told her to piss off and—you are not even listening to me!" Chung-Ae screeched.

"Well, you know I zone out a lot. So, technically, it isn't my fault. It's genetics!" I justified.

"What does genetics have to—I can't even believe you're in medical school at this point," she facepalmed.

"I couldn't believe it either at first—trust me," I said.

I remember quite vividly how I had imposter syndrome. I was terribly convinced that they must've had a mix-up with me and another student. It was so stressful. Luckily enough, I managed to do well over the past few years at school.

Medical school is not for the faint-hearted. I probably should've known that before entering. Then again, some people think it's not that bad. I don't know if they're too smart or if I'm just stupid.

Chung-Ae, on the other hand, already graduated and is now working as an interior designer. I, on the other hand, am in my last year in medical school.

"Anyway, how many months do you have left before you officially graduate?" Chung-Ae asked as she munched on her bruschetta.

"3 months. Our graduation ceremony will be done after it in 2 months, "I answered as I was cutting the steak into bite-sized pieces for Chung-ae. She doesn't know how to use a knife that well, so I try to help at times.

"And you wonder why I said I wish you were a man," Chung-Ae mumbled as she watched me cut her steak for her.

"Anyway, you just have five months left?! God, I can't wait for you to work too so we both complain about our coworkers or—"

Chung-Ae started coughing and banged on her chest in an attempt to stop coughing. As I was about to go and help her, same thing with the waiter, she gestured for us a thumbs up. Unknowingly, we both exhaled a huge breath we'd been holding in.

"Miss, are you alright? Was there something in the food?" The waiter nervously asked.

She shook her head, "No, there's nothing with the food. It's all good, thank you."

After the waiter left, I looked at her with my brows raised. She gestured for me to wait a minute as she was drinking water.

"Isn't that your professor right there? Park Mijin was it?" She whisper-shouted.

As I looked in the direction she pointed at, my breath hitched as I saw professor Park with a woman, conversing over something.

Was he on a date?

I gulped, "Yeah, um that's him yeah."

I couldn't help but stare at them as my heart was beating so hard. The way he was smiling at her made my lips twitch.

"Kyung-Mi..." Chung-Ae wiped my face, which confused me as I didn't know that I was crying.

I thanked her and took the tissues from her, attempting to stop the tears from running down my face.

"God, what's wrong with me? Why am I even crying," I laughed, attempting to lighten the mood.

That didn't work though as Chung-Ae held my hands and rubbed them, looking at me sympathetically. We sit in silence like this for a few minutes as the restaurant's atmosphere filled in the quietness.

I can't believe I cried in public. I mean, I know people didn't notice, nor do they care; however, I'm still embarrassed.

If I cry, I usually cry at home or at Chung-Ae's house. I always try to restrain myself in public—though I guess this doesn't apply to what happened right now.

I wish I wasn't so sensitive sometimes.

"I'm sorry. I know you like him a lot," Chung-Ae broke the silence.

"Yeah, well—he's my professor, so it's not like something was going to happen anyway," I sniffled, still looking at the table rather than at her.

"It's his loss anyway," she tried to cheer me up.

I smiled slightly, mouthing a small thank you as I tried to recollect myself.

I know it's so inappropriate to like my teacher, but he has been an important figure in my life since last year. He treated me so well too. I've never been treated with this much care and respect.

He never crossed any boundaries, though. I'm just the idiot who falls for any guy who gives her the slightest attention. Even more of an idiot to fall for my professor.

But can you blame me though? He's smart, sophisticated, mature, gorgeous, kind, sweet, and caring. It's like he's flawless.

If only things were different, then maybe...

"Kyung-Mi, come on, let's go," Chung-As called out to me.

I furrowed my brows, "But, aren't I supposed to pay for dinner?"

"I did, so no worries. You can treat me to dinner later," She smiled.

This girl.

I picked up my bag and began to head out. Before leaving, I couldn't help but stare at them momentarily before I left.

Unbeknownst to me, he managed to catch a glimpse of me before I left.

[nerdieforpedro]

Canta para mi (You sing for me)

Nuestras Canciones (Our Songs)

Santiago Garcia x Amalia (plus size OFC)

Main Masterlist / Santiago Garcia Masterlist

Fic is teens and up. My entire blog is 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 593

Summary: A night like many Amalia shares with her husband Santiago. They intertwine with each other. Her voice explains her love for him.

Warnings: None - just domestic fluff

Notes: I promised it would get sweeter, it is with a tinge of melancholy. ☺️

Though she couldn't play an instrument, Amalia used her voice. Daily. It changed depending on whoever she spoke to and what the subject matter was. 

Soft. Stern. Curious. Kind. Jovial, sullen, compassionate, alluring, indifferent.

“So many things you do with it all day. Forget all that! Come! Let’s sing!” Santiago had told her, wrapping his hands around his wife’s ample hips in the living room and leading her to dance to one of her favorites Stevie Wonder “As.” She laughed and called him ‘loco’ to which he replied “You love it querida!” And nuzzled his bushy beard into the nape of her neck, causing her to giggle. The pair floated around the room laughing and singing to a playlist Santi had set up for her on tough days. The speaker would blast the music throughout the house.

When their dances would end or they’d just get tired enough, they’d sit on the couch and cuddle into one another. Sometimes Santiago would remain the big spoon and other times Amalia’s legs would be spread so Pope could lay his back against his wife's soft belly and breasts. She’d mingle her fingers in his curls as another hand made small circles over his chest. They would remain connected like this for a few hours. If one of them drifted off to sleep, it was the other’s responsibility to wake them and get them to bed.

On one such night, Amalia’s hand was strumming her husband’s chest as she played with his salt and pepper curls. Their color had changed but not their silken texture. “I thought of something for you Santi. Escucha por favor (Listen please).” Pope remained silent as he heard his wife's voice ring out into the room.

My strong anchor when I feel adrift

Kind words when I arrive

Beaming laughter teasing me

Even when I was scared of myself

You held onto me

Never let me go

Forever etched in memory

The day you said you’d never leave

You’ve wiped so many of my tears

I hope I’ve been a balm to your aches

Brought clarity to your muddled waters

Mi esposo Mi corázon Mi vida (My husband, my heart, my everything)

Te amo Santiago (I love you Santiago)

He had closed his eyes while he listened to her voice. It was clear she had worked on it and it wasn’t a spur of the moment song. That made it all the more special. His wife had written a song for him, something only his like she was. Santiago hadn’t realized that his beard was a little wet from his tears. He only knew when he removed his glasses to rub his eyes. Amalia placed both her hands on her husband’s chest and kissed his forehead, his bountiful curls tickling her chin. “Let go Santiago. It’s just you and me. I’m here with you. You’re safe, you’re home.” Quiet sobs of Amalia’s husband now filled the room where there had been music. She let him continue until he fell asleep, remaining with him until the sun rose the next morning. 

“One night of uncomfortable sleep is plenty to give him for what he’s given me.” Amalia told herself when she woke in the morning. Pope’s eyes were puffy but had a subtle glow to them. He was already awake and handed her coffee prepared as she liked it.

“Even after all these years you still surprise me cariño. You’ll sing to me another night won’t you?” Amalia nodded and took her first sip of the day. Bold. Rich. Sweet. Creamy. Warm.

Previous: Verse One

Next: Verse Three

Santi's Peaches 🍑: @for-a-longlongtime @legendary-pink-dot @maggiemayhemnj @morallyinept @megamindsecretlair @pedritapascal @rhoorl @dameron-grant-spector @pamasaur @sin-djarin @i-own-loki @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @readingiskeepingmegoing @saturn-rings-writes @yorksgirl @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @musings-of-a-rose

[jonathanwrotethis]

On the inside, looking out

It's Sunday evening, and you find me sitting in the dark of the junk room listening to a random chill-out Jazz playlist. It feels like Charlie Brown is going to wander past with Snoopy at any moment.

This morning - after scraping myself out of bed - I found myself alone around the house for the first couple of hours, so after picking up after everybody else, I found time for a coffee and a few minutes with Shania Twain and Tori Amos on the record player.

Guilty pleasures.

The rest of the day has been spent diving head-long into a pretend aeroplane rabbit hole. It's not the first time. It won't be the last. While doing so I completely missed catching up with some wonderful friends who had decided that sitting out on the green outside the houses with a glass of wine was a much more better idea than anything else that came to mind. They weren't wrong.

Next time, perhaps.

Ok. The Jazz playlist just jumped the shark. I wandered away for a few minutes to make a coffee - and got accosted along the way by a hungry cat - on my return some jazz trio or other was playing the slowest rendition in recorded history of Wichita Lineman armed only with a piano, a cymbal, and a brush. Enough was enough - Glen Campbell is now filling the room with songs about cowboys, rhinestones, and "star-spangled rodeos".

Glen Campbell always reminds me of my childhood. I've written before about visiting the US in the early 1980s - on the tail end of the "golden era" of country music. I guess because of that - because of the records my Uncle played, and the records my parents bought when I was little - I've always had a soft spot for it.

Perhaps it explains Shania too - and Taylor to an extent. I bought her first album years before anybody else knew who she was - tipped off by a friend in Oklahoma that I might like a tune she had heard on the radio that week.

I really should get in touch with her - the friend, not Taylor - we haven't caught up in years. No doubt her adventures will make mine seem small and insignificant - they always have - but whenever we've crossed paths over the years it's like we never stopped talking - like continuing a conversation after wandering into the kitchen to make a coffee.

Talking of old friends, I received an unexpected like on a blog post today. A smile crept across my face. It's still there now. It reminded me that outside of the self-imposed bubble I inhabit, there is a very big world that has kept turning during all the time I've been absent from it.

All it takes is to do nothing for a little while, and weeds grow. Mangrove forests. Before you know it, the avenue through the woods you used to take doesn't exist any more.

The strange thing? The woods only seem to be there in our mind. Nobody else can see the woods, the pathways, or the laughter and stories we once shared.

[jmdbjk]

Okay Indigo, hit me.... show me what you got.

Closing out his 20s with a little angsty emo alt-pop R&B electric rock, Namjoon presents Indigo. Independent. Indulgent. Ingenious.

Though I was unfamiliar with the Korean individuals collabing with Namjoon on this record, I did take a "pre-listen" to some of their work before Indigo's release so I could be familiar with their style.

Of course I knew who Erykah Badu is. Though very talented and respected musically, she is not without her own controversies.

And I know Anderson .Paak. I am a huge fan of Silk Sonic, his Grammy winning duo with Bruno Mars who I am also a big fan of.

So these are just my opinions after listening and learning the lyrics. These are my interpretations of the vibe of the songs...

Yun. It is hard hitting first-out-the-gate and I can understand why Joon put this song first. It's a statement: Fuck you, imma do what I want.

Still Life, definitely love the R&B groove, love Anderson's vocals and the improvisation: "Joon: Shit happens in life...Paak: it's gonna be what it's gonna be brothah, you just have to do your thang." "Y'all can't lock me in a frame. I'm still life." The clever wordplay. A "still life" is typically defined as a tableau of inanimate objects such as flowers, fruit and other objects, arranged and then painted or photographed and framed. A still life. A moment in time. But in this song, I am seeing it meant as I am still LIFE, as in still living...you can't put me in a frame because I am living and breathing. So my take is this song says "let's keep it moving, never stay still, live life and don't let them define you by one frame of an image or one point or moment in time."

All Day, yay finally experiencing TABLO, great song, nice fast beat. TABLO's delivery reminds me of Eminem... personally, I am not a big fan of Eminem, but in this song, that type of vocal from TABLO works well. The beat will probably get this song added to my "walking playlist." WE GOT DYNAMITE IN OUR DNA! Might be my fave song off the album.

Forg_tful, an acoustic, laid back vibe, especially with the whistling... sort of John Mayer-ish? Very folk music-y and right up in the middle of Sawol's music genre kool-aid. Makes me want to order a caramel latte with a touch of almond milk at an independently owned hipster coffee shop. And I don't even like almond milk.

Closer, nice little bubbly intro segues to smooth urban R&B. Love Mahalia's vocals. So. Most of this song is sung in English. Paul Blanco has a few Korean words and that's it. The lyrics are very sensual. I find it conveniently uncontroversial that it is Mr. Blanco singing about 'when our lips lock' and 'making her body go diddy diddy bop'. The lyric: "but you run away like a fish"... that one sticks in my head because it is so visual! I saw a small fish get scared and scurry away! Great song.

Change pt. 2, unexpected electric riffs. Interesting that this song is entirely in English. I wonder who he is singing about? Harsh! Lol! Since its in English, it might be about the western music industry–as we know, they have to be spoken to in their language or they "just don't get it". Or it might be about a past significant other who did him wrong. "Some day a great grief will come for you." (That Miss Karma, she's the biggest fuckin' bitch I know.) "That's all I can say to you." (mic drop).

Lonely, I'm so fuckin lonely... super emo alt pop rocker. Joon made this song and these lyrics sound like some sort of weekly Top 40 groove-fest banger. The hook is an earworm in the making. "I'm fuckin' lonely....so fuckin' lonely." And the bridge is big and awesome. This song is a masterpiece of chart topping geniusness songwriting.

Hectic, with all its bright notes and beat, the gist of the lyrics say 'I been working my ass off, nothing glamorous about it, and people still say the same shit. Why am I doing this? What am I chasing? If doing this THIS way is a pain, how can I do it different?

Wild Flower... a big sonic, soaring, epic type song. Youjeen's big vocals and lyrics give me Katy Perry Firework vibes. The MV visuals help push the "big" to me. It's just a big song. Big Namjoon asking "what is this big life I have? what does it mean?" The visuals of him standing on top of the mountain and being able to see the entire world and it's a dawning day...not gonna lie, I did tear up. Seeing Joonie like this, expressing his lyrics visually in a music video touches my heart for him. The stage surrounded by Army... him standing and then laying in the field of purple flowers (also Army), it's very emotionally stirring. But I have something to tell Joon... as time goes by, one still searches for who they are and sometimes we never really understand who we are. All we can do is live our truths as authentically as possible.

No. 2, what a nice closing song to wrap it up. Don't look back anymore. There's nothing to prove. You've done your best. No lookin' back, no. The album ends and I'm smiling.

Like everyone else, my heart swells with pride. Over all, the lyricism is off the charts of course. Joonie is a wordsmith. Thank you Kim Namjoon/RM for putting your soul out there, sharing your emotions and thoughts with us in such a poetically lyrical way. Well done.

My disclaimers: I am not a music expert. These are just my personal opinions. But I do have impeccable taste in music. 💜