#i worked hard on this don't flop/j

[abellarts]

Filipiniana inspired by the Entities (the Eye, the Vast, the Dark)

[ID: Three drawings of three modelled Filipinianas against a shared background which looks like aged paper. Each one is labelled a different entity which goes, from left to right, the Eye, the Vast, and the Dark. All the models are faceless. Three close ups follow the main image.

The Eye Filipiniana is an 1890s traje de mestiza featuring a brown panuelo with green embroidered trimming resembling ink pen tips and green strips resembling eyelashes at the opening, a translucent wide-sleeved striped baro in alternating off-white and green with green embroidered eyes for trimming, a dark cyan tapis with rows of books patterned on, and a silky striped saya in alternating yellow and green with an eye where the saya and the tapis meet and embroidery of people walking at the hem. Finished with accessories of a silky green necklace with a hanging realistic eye and a dark blue folding fan with an eye pattern. The model has brown skin and straight black hair up in a bun.

The Vast Filipiniana is a Commonwealth Era Style Baro’t Saya featuring a violet umbrella with a bright galaxy on the inside that the model holds on her shoulder, a magenta panuelo with yellow and orange stripes held together with a bright yellow star-shaped medallion, wide translucent butterfly-sleeved baro with a sunset to sky blue gradient from top to bottom with embroidered white clouds on the sleeves, a tapis with different shades of blue going from a light blue to dark blue top to bottom with embroidered silver fish of differing sizes, and a silky dark-blue-to-deep-blue saya with a long saya de cola with dark silhouettes resembling tentacles creeping up the sides. The model has pale tan skin and wavy hair held up in a loose lower bun.

The Dark Filipiniana is an 1840s Baro’t Saya styled for church-wear featuring a translucent plaid-patterned magenta panuelo, a striped straight-sleeved camisa in alternating dark magenta and off-white, a dark purple tapis embroidered with hands in alternating red and blue gripping each other by the wrist, a plaid-patterned magenta saya, and dark purple sandals. The models holds a dark purple hood over her head, the outside is a dark purple trimmed with white embroidery meant to look like closed eyes, the inside is a dark mass filled with open white eyes in strange positions, the dark mass drips down the edges of the hood, some eyes following. The model has ashy tan skin and combed back brown hair. 

./.End ID]

Finally finished it! I’ve wanted to do this for a while but pushed it off until now. The Entities as a couple versions of the Filipiniana. I don’t have plans rn to make the others since I suspect I will soon be busy again. Still, I have some ideas, particularly for the Web. Have a favourite?

My inspiration+info under the cut! :D

1) The Eye

I based the Eye’s Filipiniana off of the “traje de mestiza”, an aristocratic ensemble popular during the 1890s near the end of Spanish colonial rule. It’s also known as the “Maria Clara” gown due to association with the main heroine of Jose Rizal’s novel “Noli me Tangere.” 

Ngl I struggled to add more motifs than just “Eye” but I tried to be creative with it. The panuelo (the cloth around the shoulders) is supposed to look like eyelids which is why there are eyelashes. The embroidered trim is supposed to be the tips of ink pens. The trim of her sleeves are eyes. The tapis (the dark cloth around the lower area) features shelves of books. The bottom of the dress is supposed to be the Eye Watching people suffering at the hem. I got extremely lazy though and just got a “people walking” brush from the csp asset store and stamped them on. Didn’t get me the effect I intended but I was too tired to change it.

[ID: A sepia photograph of a woman looking to the left while wearing a traje de mestiza and holding a closed fan. /.End ID]

[ID: An image of the original front cover of Jose Rizal’s Noli Me Tangere manuscript./.End ID]

2) The Vast

The Vast’s Filipiniana I based off of the style popular during the 1930s-1940s Commonwealth Era. Honestly I only chose it because those sleeves are the very definition of vast. 

The design has a simple concept but I ended up liking the end result a lot! It’s supposed to be a top to bottom gradient of aspects of the vast. Starting from space, going into sky blue, then ending in the deep abyss of the ocean.

[ID: A sepia photograph of a seated woman wearing a Commonwealth Era Filipiniana. /.End ID]

[ID: A black-and-white photograph of three young women wearing Baro’t Saya in the Commonwealth Era style in a forest setting. All three have their panuelo wrapped around their heads. The girl farthest in the back carries an open umbrella./.End ID]

3) The Dark

Lastly, the Dark’s Filipiniana is based off of 1840s church-wear. I thought I could do something with the hood and the church theme suited the Dark well.

I’ll admit the Dark gave me trouble. Dark is a very vague theme. The hood is the main focus of the dress I think as everything else is pretty standard/I ripped off from the original whoops. The trim is supposed to look like a bunch of closed eyes. The inner hood is a dripping black mass with eyes from who-knows-where. The tapis has a pattern of several hands grasping each other by the wrist because something unknown gripping you from the dark is terrifying. “The blanket never did anything” anyone? 

[ID:  "A damsel going to early mass," by Justiniano Asuncion, 1841. The painting features a woman looking to the left, wearing darkly coloured 1840s church-wear with a hood, she holds a white cloth in her right hand./.End ID]

[ID: "A señorita walking to church in the daytime," by Justiniano Asuncion, 1841. The painting features a woman looking to the left, wearing brightly coloured 1840s church-wear with a thin gauzy white hood. She holds a small book, presumably a bible. ./.End ID]

[munsster]

dull domestication

A/N: s4 steve is WAY too babygirl like what am i supposed to do. he is literally begging to be domesticated. (gif creds: @emziess)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x GN!AFAB!Reader

Summary: You and a sleepy Steve have a very domestic conversation about the future. 0.9k words

Warnings: domestic fluff, talk of pregnancy/children, cuddling, pet names (daddy /j, baby, honey), cursing

Steve's hair is mussed when he reenters the living room from the kitchen. You're not sure what exactly he got up to in there besides dishes, but you're sure he looks even more tired than when he left. And now, he's a heat seeking missile for your lap.

"Tired, honey?" you whisper just to see him nod and close his eyes halfway to the couch. And when he finally reaches you, he spreads his body weight completely atop yours, ear pressed to your heart and cheek smushed against your sternum.

He hums with your lithe fingers sweetly combing through his hair.

"Fuckin' exhausted. Don't even get me started on my shift," he grumbles.

"What happened on your shift?"

He sighs long and hard, rumbling your chest. It takes everything in you not to laugh at how it even shakes the couch a little.

"Robin ditched halfway through to go on a date with Vickie"—he mocks—"and I forgot my lunch."

"Aw, baby, you know I would've brought it to you."

"Don't feel bad, I only didn't call because I worked through my entire break because no one was there to remind me that I even had a break. Stupid. If I hadn't just gotten a raise, I fuckin' swear."

With every second, he seems to sink further into your embrace, bones becoming goo the longer he crushes you into the cushions. Even with the air running and the night chill cooling the house, he stills runs hot like an oven. If you held your breath, you could probably hear his veins humming to produce all that heat.

"I knew I should've visited today. I had a feeling," you say, fingertips soft on the back of his neck. He hums, pushing his hands up your sides and taking your top with them.

"I like when you visit me, baby," he says, "makes me happy. And way more productive."

"Except for the twenty minutes we spend doing nothing."

"Hey, we don't do nothing."

"Oh, sorry, the twenty minutes we spend staring into each others eyes and making out. How could I forget?"

"Dunno," he shrugs, hands now snug up underneath your shoulder blades. "You ever think about kids?"

"Like how loud and obnoxious they are? Yeah, sometimes."

"Yeah, that." But you know that's not all because his brow furrows, his face taut against your chest. He takes a deep breath and shivers when you dip your fingers into the neck of his shirt. "But also about how cute ours would be."

Fuck. For all the shit running through his mind, you're shocked that's all he let out. How cute your kids would be. You and Steve. Cute kids? No doubt. Have you seen his eyes? Of course they'd be cute. You just can't beleive he said it out loud. Like the though of getting older and settling down never crossed his mind as a kind of threat. Like that's the natural course of action for two young adult lovers. You've talked about marriage, sure, but children is a whole new ballpark.

"Honey?" he coos, lifting his head to meet your eyes. "Did I scare you?"

"No. No, no. Just... hadn't really thought of it.

But I agree. Our kids would be cute. Loud and obnoxious and cute."

Your heart gives you away, pounding hard against his cheek and against your will. It makes him blush to hear you say it. Makes him a little embarrassed he said anything at all. But, they'd be pretty cute, wouldn't they?

"We don't have to talk about it," he whispers. You look down at him, pushing all of his hair up past his hairline and covering it up until he looks hairless and then letting it all flop down in his face.

"It's okay, we can talk about it," you whisper, leaning in to kiss his forehead and pull away with a smile. 

"I hope they have your eyes," he says.

"No way, you've got stunners. They better have yours, daddy," you say, grinning wickedly.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, daddio, better get used to it if you want to father our annoying yet gorgeous children."

He goes bug-eyed, staring you down in the dark, and then squinting when you cover your face to laugh.

"Not funny."

"I'm sorry! You should've seen your face, baby. Just a teensy weensy bit funny."

"You're my number one enemy right now."

"Fine, no babies for you."

Steve rucks up your shirt with haste, swiping his hand over your tummy before pressing his wet lips to the hot skin. And blowing a raspberry onto it.

"Steven! Get off of me!" you shout. He takes a very minor beating to his upper back before he laughs and wipes his mouth on his sleeve and settling his head back on your chest. You rub circles over the muscle you had attacked, whispering an apology and rolling your eyes. 

"Okay, I hope they have your nose."

"I do have a great nose," you tease.

"Yes, you do," he says.

"I hope they all get a good mix of everything. Little franken-babies."

"I hope so, too. All six of them."

"Six??"

"Sorry, did you want more?"

"More???" you gasp. He chuckles.

"I'm kidding," he teases, plucking at the edge of your tee. "Six is the perfect number." You'd definitely be discussing that number later on.

stranger things masterlist

[goosedoes-fics]

Madness Headcanons

Madcom x Reader

Content Warnings: I talk about tits a lot sorry. Also mentions of organ failure and transfem Tricky

Notes: Trying to get back into the writing groove. Sorry if this is shit

HANK J WIMBLETON

If you didn't know ASL before meeting them, they would communicate primarily with hand and head movements. He's too cool to use a notepad

Not a big fan of PDA, but in private he's quite affectionate and cuddly. theyre just a big ass guard dog cmon

Hank Motherfucker Wimbleton what are you doing here????? waiting for them to play gangnam styl.

DEIMOS

Transgenda

I like to imagine Dedmos's rock face works similarly to Hank's metal jaw. It's just a rock jaw. Rock lobster.

He is an ASSHOLE (affectionate)

The kind of person to like. Punch your shoulder when they laugh

Their ideal first date is stealing the declaration of independence

If you don't make him, he will go days without showering he is SO smelly anfd SO stinky. He has GREASY ASS HAIR i just know it

SANFORD

If Hank is a guard dog he's one of those goofy dogs that look like bear cubs

VERY big fan of PDA he will smooch you anywhere. everywhere. any time any place any day

He takes missions more seriously than Deimos but outside of missions he is just a big fat goofball

I'm going to place my hands directly on his man tits. anyways where was I

He lost his nipples in The War

I'm kidding. He lost them during top surgery.

At this point i'm aiming the transgenderification beam at all of them. nobody is safe. BE TRANSGENDER

DOC

Sometimes he wears his hair down and it's like a mullet w/ shaved sides

Out of all of them he's the most adverse to PDA but! In private he is very sweet. very silly

Hey are you okay with being tested on? Yeah? Cool will you drink this organ failure potion I brewed

Plays the piano sometimes! He might serenade you if you ask nicely

TRICKY

BE TRANSGENDER. (shoots her with my transfem beam)

Yeah so he/she bigender Tricky is real. Krinkels told me himself

He is like a big weird dog as well. He might lick your face (don't let him zed spit is slightly acidic)

Probably likes PDA the most. She will make out with you very grossly and sloppily in the middle of McDonalds

Very soft very fluffy. Which is surprising considering how many times he's died

His tail is somewhat prehensile, he could dangle from a tree branch if he tried hard enough

CHURCH AND JORGE

They are very good at sharing!

Sorry not sorry yandere enjoyers but they would NOT kill someone for looking at you they would be like haha yeah everyone should look at our awesome fucking partner theyre so cool and hot

Sometimes they forget how big they are compared to you so they might try to like flop over on you. Pigpile on the small one

Very prone to roughhousing and play fighting but they'll be gentle if you ask

BEEFY BOYS 😍

[https-florals]

Hi! Sorry for the late reply, but my requests was maybe boot riding with JJ? If you know what that is! Because he has those one shiny rubber looking boots that make me go crazy

ooh hehehehe i think i like this!!! i honestly did not know what this was and had to go on a little ao3 deep dive so im hoping this is what you wanted!! (also i am SO SORRY this took so long omg) 18+!!

note: fluff then smut!! cursing, jj being a dork at the beginning, but then being a SLUT! i heart slutty men. obviously boot riding, lil unsanitary but whatever, oral m receiving. i went kind of a funny little beginning route with this cause i wasn't real sure how to like transition into it and i don't even know if it really works but!! oh well

your favorite part of jj's wardrobe is his boots. you don't have a damn clue what it is about that beat up pair of timberlands, but they're so very attractive on him. on the rare occasion that he cleans them, you're the first to know.

he's walking into your room, grinning all proud. "good as new." the leather shines, worn but finally clean, a little bit of life back into them.

"they look great, baby!" you tell him as he leans over to kiss you. he smells like boot cleaner and the cologne you saved up to buy him. jj plops onto the couch next to you, stretching his legs out to admire his handiwork a little longer.

"sexy ass pair of boots," he says to himself, and he catches you murmuring in agreement. "you think my boots are sexy?" he asks, all faux innocence as his hand spans your thigh.

"i think you're sexy," you answer as you close the book you're reading.

he shakes his head. "not what i asked."

sighing, you raise your eyebrows and give him a disapproving look. "what are you asking then, maybank?"

"would you fuck me if i had the boots on?" when your expression turns more quizzical, he backtracks. "like, just boots on. titanic style, except that big necklace is my boots. would you find it hot enough to fuck me?"

"all you ever think about is sex!" you gasp, hitting him playfully with your book. "and what the hell are you talking about?" you're laughing now. "i think i'd rather you have boots on while we’re fucking. you think i wanna see your nasty feet?" as you giggle, jj pulls you into his lap and peppers a hundred little kisses along your neck and jawline, making you squirm and giggle even more.

"so you'd be down?"

"i'd be down, j."

the next day it's just the two of you in the chateau, and you're holed up in the guest room, scrolling on your phone. you're wrapped up in a tshirt of jj's, and nothing else on this hot summer day. there's a knock on your door, and you don't look up as you invite whoever it is inside your room. you just know it's jj, and as you stare at some tiktok about a new hbo show, he clears his throat impatiently.

"what?" you're confused as to why he's not talking or coming to flop on top of you. "why are you- oh." you look up.

jj, your lovable, odd, incredibly bold boyfriend is standing completely naked in front of you- naked save a pair of black socks and clean boots, laced up tight and looking good as ever.

he grins, and laughs a little crazily as your jaw drops in pure shock. he still doesn't say anything, but rather lets you sit back and admire him.

and believe me, that you do. you stare at the muscles of his shoulders and stomach, how thick his thighs are. the dark dirty blond patch of hair just south of his abs. you watch him get hard, just off of the way your eyes are raking over him. "happy to see me?" you laugh as you drop your phone.

he blushes a little, like he's not standing bare-ass naked in front of you. "always."

you get up and practically skip over to him. when you wrap your arms around him and his hands travel to your ass, he breathes in quick at the skin to skin contact, eternally grateful for the lack of panties. his breath is even quicker when your hand slips over him. he lets out a little groan.

“what do you want, baby?” you ask.

he exhales hard, pushing into your hand. “want your mouth on me, please,” he’s pleading, and how can you say no when jj’s looking so pretty?

he doesn’t stop kissing you as you force him backward, pushing him into your chair. he huffs, a little angry when you pull away, but when you settle between his legs, he’s not whining anymore. well, whining for separate reasons.

you lay just the sweetest, most innocent little kiss on the tip of his cock and can't help but giggle when he gasps.

"baby, baby, baby," tumbles past his lips when you take him in your mouth. jj's hand wraps in your hair, letting you set your own pace, and slowly matching it. when you look up at him, a hint of smile in your gaze, jj feels like his chest is going to explode. he whimpers, his hand moving from the back of your head to your cheek. his thumb brushes a string of saliva off your chin, pushing a bit to hit the back of your throat.

warmth is pooling between your legs, practically unbearable as you watch jj. a vein in his neck pulses when his head tilts back, and your pussy seems to throb simultaneously with his jugular.

your hand leaves its place on his thigh and dips between your legs, a finger swiping up your seam and-

jj kicks your hand away.

you pull off him so fast that you practically give yourself whiplash. "jj! what the fuck!"

he's shushing you, hand on the back of your head. "come on, baby, just finish one job. alright?"

you whine, but go back to tracing his cock with your tongue anyways.

his boot wedges it's way between your legs, ruining the way you're pressing them together. jj can feel the vibrations in your throat of your protest.

the hard rubber sole scrapes against the inside of your thigh and your breathing hitches. the toe of his boot just brushes your folds, and before you can even think about what you're doing, you push yourself down against the leather.

"atta girl," he says, voice low and rough. jj moves his foot as you begin to rock onto the boot, matching the way your hips tilt and press. “fuck me, taking it so good.”

jj doesn't think he's ever been more turned on in his life. his beautiful girl, hair messy and lips swollen, a few tears running down your cheeks as you suck him off. crying as you make a mess all over his favorite pair of timberlands. "shit, m'gonna come," he cries, proving his word when his cock twitches hard. you get a little sloppier, thumb tucked in a fist to fight off your gag reflex as he hits the back of your throat, again, again.

he's practically sobbing when he comes, the thick liquid coating your throat as you swallow quick. you turn your full attention to getting yourself off, tilting your head back and letting a stream of curses fall past your lips as you grind your clit against the hard toe of his boot. your fingers dig into the flesh of his thighs, keeping yourself steady as the knot in your stomach winds tighter, and tighter.

he’s still catching his breath, but he’s already half-hard again, and he palms himself as you ride his boot. the little hiss he makes is proof he’s still a little too sensitive. “shit baby, look at you,” he groans, and starts to pull you up but you smack his thigh.

“don’t fucking move,” you snap, the toe of his boot hitting your clit so perfectly as you grind into it. “i’m so close, jj, and i swear to god if you ruin my orgasm, i’ll cut your dick off.”

his eyes go wide at your words, and he instinctively covers his cock (which is already throbbing again). jj strokes his cock once, then twice, then faster as you bounce yourself against his timberland.

“look at you, making a mess all over my boots. i just fucking cleaned ‘em, mama.” he angles his foot a little more up.

you cry, the threads at the edge of your orgasm starting to fray. “jj, please-“

“perfect little slut,” he whines, as you grip his knees and start to tip over the edge.

your orgasm hits you like a truck, jj pushing his boot up to hit the much-too sensitive bundle of nerves before your legs close instinctively. he cums all over his hand a few seconds later.

he’s wrinkling his nose and wiping his hand off on the side of your tshirt as you stand, a little shaky.

“i think that was possibly the sexiest thing that has ever happened to me,” he comments as you fall into his lap.

“that why you came so fast the second time?” you smile, pressing a kiss to his jawline.

he blows a raspberry against your neck, and then kicks up his foot to look at the mess on his boot.

“damn.” there’s your slick, practically running off in droplets. “polished it up real nice,” jj laughs.

your cheeks tint a little red, but you’re grinning. “maybe i should make a shoe shine business.”

“absolutely not.”

you’re both laughing your asses off when you hear the screen door of the chateau smack open, and john b yell, “get your clothes on, assholes! We’re back!”

you finally both stumble out, a little disheveled, but with no stains visible. except for the glaring, still-damp sheen on the toe of jj’s boot.

you act like nothing’s going on as you enter the kitchen with the girls, but that doesn’t stop you from overhearing.

“dude, you clean your boots?” pope asks, his voice carrying from the living room.

“only one of ‘em,” john b answers. “look man, that one’s super shiny and the other is just… not.”

you choke back a laugh when jj answers, acting all surprised. “shit, man, i got distracted and only did one! babe!” he calls you, and you yell back.

“yeah?”

you can hear the laughter in his voice when he says, “need your help polishin’ this other boot!”

everyone’s a little confused when you both dissolve into a fit of giggles.

likes, comments, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated!!!

[cowgurrrl]

A plea for tenderness

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: bitch something came over me I have no idea what just happened also thank you to @pedges for helping me work out this plot idea I owe you my life

Summary: Things with you and Joel finally come to a head [7.3k]

Warnings: 18+ MINOR DNI, one bed trope, brief period talk, stress, implied anxiety, yearning, miscommunication, my first time writing smut 🤠 (please be nice), dirty talk. fingering, p in v stuff, Joel being a shit head, sub Joel if you squint really hard

"You've got to be fucking kiddin' me," Joel says as he turns on the hotel light. 

It's been a long day. You were due to arrive in New York City this morning, but a thunderstorm delayed your flight. Then canceled it. You maneuvered phone calls between airlines and your managers to get things sorted out. You were also getting recognized in the airport, and it turns out that a line of people wanting to take pictures with you was a security issue. You were trying to be nice and take the time to talk to everyone but with the turn the day had taken, you were overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. Joel and TSA agents had to be the ones to turn people away and move to a more secure location. By the time you landed in New York, it was dark, and you were both exhausted. All you wanted to do was shower, lay in bed, and sleep for as long as possible. You have to be up early in the morning for a press junket, and Joel has meetings all day before you two have to go out for a date night. So, when you walk into your hotel room and see only one bed, it feels like the cherry on top of your entire day. 

"Did Melanie book this room, or did you?" He asks, and you give him an annoyed look.

"You really think I would book us a room with only one bed?"

"Guess not," he sighs. You abandon your suitcases by the door and flop on the bed while Joel settles on the couch. You cover your eyes and take a deep breath. It's quiet, or at least as quiet as New York City can get. Your body aches from traveling, and all the stress it took to get here, and this situation is not helping. As far as the whole world knows, you and Joel can't get enough of each other. He can't just go downstairs to the front desk and ask for another room because he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as his fake girlfriend. "What are we gonna do?" He asks like he's reading your mind, and you sit up to look at him.

His hair is sticking out every which way, and his shirt is wrinkled from falling asleep on the plane. He looks exhausted, and you can practically see the defeat weighing on his shoulders. Behind the fatigue in his eyes, you can see something heavier. He almost seems guilty. Guilty for putting you in this situation or guilty for not being able to do anything to fix it. You don't know. Your fingers twitch to reach out for him, but you curl them around the blanket instead.

"We're gonna take showers and get ready for tomorrow. That's about all we can do." You say, and he nods. You grab your suitcase and pull out all the toiletries and clothes you need for bed. Joel lingers on the couch, his hands tapping a rhythm into the cushions. You make a couple trips to the bathroom to get all your stuff set up, and when you come back out to grab your folded pajamas, Joel stands.

"I can sleep on the couch. If it'll make you more comfortable." He says, and a piece of you melts at how nervous he looks. You leave your clothes on the bed and walk over, covering his wringing hands with your own.

"You know that if you do that, your back will literally never recover, right?" You ask, and he chuckles. The air feels instantly lighter at the sound, and you smile. "Sleeping in the same bed for a few nights won't kill us. It's not ideal, but we can be adults about this. We'll build a pillow wall and everything if we really need to." 

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," you say. He looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesn't, and you suddenly become aware of just how close you two are. You can smell his cologne, and you're holding his big hands in yours, and it doesn't feel awkward or wrong. It actually feels nice. His thumb brushes against your skin softly, looking down at your joined hands as he traces a line into your skin. You slowly release his hand and step back. "I'm gonna take a shower." 

He doesn't say anything as you gather your things and walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You look up at the ceiling and let out a shaky breath as you try to calm yourself down. You can barely hold his hand without feeling like your skin is on fire. How are you supposed to sleep in the same bed as him? He looked so relieved when you told him it was okay. You can't take it back now. You sigh and turn the shower on, hoping the water will wash away the stress from the day.

You try to avoid thoughts of your schedule for tomorrow and hum so you can't hear Joel's voice through the walls as you scrub your body. He's on the phone with someone, speaking in a gentle tone you've only ever heard him use when he's checking on you. It's the same tone he used to comfort you after the charity event and the one he used to apologize for the hotel room. You shake your head and turn off the shower, anxious to keep yourself busy so your mind doesn't wander. You take the time to brush and floss your teeth, go through your skincare routine, and nervously tear your nailbeds apart. You're surprised Joel didn't bang on the bathroom door for you to hurry up.

When you walk out of the bathroom in a shirt two sizes too big and a pair of bike shorts, Joel is hanging up some nice-looking shirts that will probably need to be ironed in the morning because of how wrinkly they are. He smiles softly as you carry the clothes you wore today back to your suitcase. Joel's bag is sitting open on the bed, and your eyes catch on familiar packages sitting on top of his stuff.

"Is there a reason you keep pads and tampons in your carry-on?" You ask, peering into his bag as you brush your hair. 

"They're for my daughters, snoopy." He says, closing the closet door and leaning against it like it's too hard for him to stand upright. You silently curse his stupid fucking Lakers shirt for stretching against the muscles in his arms.

"Oh," you say. How could you forget that the man kissing you against walls and sending you flowers is also a father?

"Oh,"

"How old are they?"

"Sarah is eighteen, and Ellie is fourteen."

"Wow." You gape. It's an involuntary response, and you want to take it back as soon as it leaves your mouth. Joel raises his eyebrows at you as he moves from his spot.

"What?" 

"Nothing. I thought they'd be younger."

"Are you about to shame me for being old?" He asks. He has a playful look in his eyes as he steps closer to you, and you flip your wet hair over your shoulder.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Miller. I just know that other people in the industry have kids later in life. Robert Downey Jr. was forty-seven when his first kid was born." You say, and he laughs, shaking his head.

"Well, that's definitely not me. I was a couple months away from turning twenty-three when Sarah was born."

"That's crazy. So, you were, what? About twenty-six when Ellie was born?" 

"I guess it would've been right around there, yeah." 

"What are they like?" You ask. 

"Well, Sarah's smart as hell. Gave me a run for my money when she was younger cause she'd have to teach me how to help with her math homework. She's also sweet and gentle. Wouldn't hurt a fly, and if she did, she'd probably cry about it for a month," he says, his eyes lighting up as he talks about her. You smile as you imagine a much younger Joel sitting at the kitchen table with a little kid, cursing under his breath about fractions. "Now, Ellie... Ellie is quick. Just as smart as Sarah, but she's a little more extroverted. She's never met a stranger and is probably the funniest damn kid alive, but if you tell her I said that, I'll never forgive you."

"And they get along?"

"For the most part. They're still sisters, y'know? They have little fights and whatnot, but they love each other."

"Sounds like you hit the jackpot." You say, and he smiles.

"Yeah, I guess I did," he pulls his phone out of his back pocket and scrolls through his photos, turning it around when he finds what he's looking for. He shows you a picture of two girls sitting on a nice-looking couch with guitars in their laps. One has long, dark, coily hair pulled from her face, and Joel's crooked smile tugs at her lips. Her legs are long and crossed in front of her, and a butterfly necklace hangs from her neck. The other is shorter, with cropped, wavy brown hair covered with a baseball hat and silver rings adorning her fingers. She looks focused, a familiar line creasing her forehead as she strums the guitar. He points to the girls and identifies them as Sarah and Ellie, respectively.

"They're beautiful." 

"Thank you," he says, suddenly shy. He tucks his phone into his pocket and looks down at you. "They, uh... they asked about you when I was just talkin' to 'em."

"Really?" You ask, and he nods.

"Asked when I was gonna bring you around. They think bein' an actor is way cooler than bein' a singer."

"I mean, obviously." 

"Maybe I shouldn't introduce you three. I have a feelin' you guys are gonna create a mini army against me."

"They sound like headstrong girls. I doubt they need me to start an army." You say, and you both laugh. 

"Would you... wanna meet them one day?" He asks. You chew on the inside of your cheek as you fight with your brain. Part of you wants to smile and jump up and down at the idea that he trusts you enough to introduce you to his daughters, but the other part wants to cry because this isn't real. But meeting his daughters wasn't in the contract. Neither was sending you flowers or offering to sleep on the couch.

"Yeah. One day." You say. He smiles and nods. The deep brown of his eyes twinkles as a slight blush rises to his cheeks. 

"Okay." He says as he turns from you to pull some clothes and toiletries from his bag, that smile never leaving his lips even when he leaves the room to get in the shower. You find yourself smiling, too, as you climb under the covers and mindlessly scroll through your phone. He doesn't take as long as you did, but he's still in there for a good few minutes before he walks out in a bleached Foo Fighters t-shirt and black sweatpants. You subtly watch him put his things away and get ready for bed, his back muscles entrancing you when he turns to plug his phone in. 

He lingers on the other side of the bed, nervous and unsure, making you laugh. You pull the blankets out from their tightly tucked corners and pat the spot for Joel to lie down. He pauses for another second before climbing into bed next to you. He smells like lavender and aftershave, and his hair is damp as he rests his head on the pillow. You put your phone away and reach over to turn off the light on your side of the bed so you can each get some sleep, but he doesn't move. You look at him over your shoulder when the light on the other side doesn't flicker off.

"You're sure this is okay?" He asks.

"As long as you stay on your side, Miller," you joke, but he doesn't so much as crack a smile. You sigh and lie down so you're face-to-face with him. "This isn't your fault. This is just one bump in the road. There's no reason to let it ruin our whole trip, okay?" You ask. He takes a deep breath through his nose, the gears in his mind working loudly before he nods.

"Okay." He says. He stares at you for another beat before reaching over and turning off his lamp, casting the room in total darkness. He lies so his back faces you, and you feel his body relax into the mattress. Surrounded by the city's sounds and Joel's breathing, your mind rests for the first time all day. Crooked smiles, gentle hands, and butterfly necklaces invade your dreams, and, for once, you don't bat them away.

A distant car's honk stirs you from sleep. You can hear birds chirping and subways screeching as the city slowly wakes up around you. Your muscles still ache from your long day of travel the day before, but you're comfortable and warm. The early morning sun shines on your face, and you grimace, burying your face into your soft pillow. But, when you move, a firm body moves with you, and you freeze, suddenly wide awake. 

Your eyes blink open, and you find yourself curled against Joel's chest, his Foo Fighters shirt close enough for you to make out individual bleach spots. Your hand is curled between your face and his chest, and you can feel how the air comes and goes from his strong lungs. One of his hands rests on the back of your head like he's cradling you, and the other is wrapped around your waist. You're totally enveloped in his warmth and his smell. 

How the fuck did this happen? When you fell asleep, he wasn't even facing you. Did this happen while you were sleeping, and if so, who reached for who first? You want to spiral. You want a reason. You want to find a way to wiggle away from him to protect yourself, but he's so comfortable, and you haven't slept that soundly in years. 

You slowly move so you can look up at him. His face is relaxed as soft snores leave him, and his damp hair has dried into the most perfect fluffy head of curls. That worried line he gets between his brows when thinking hard is nothing more than a wrinkle when he's like this. He's beautiful. Carefully, you take your hand from his chest and reach out to trace the line with your thumb. He doesn't stir or jump at your touch. You swear, he unconsciously leans into it.

Your fingers move across his face in quiet reverence. You trace his eyebrows, the curve of his nose, the dip of his cupid's bow, and his jawline with soft fingertips. It feels like you're memorizing his features lest he disappear right before your eyes. It feels like you're begging yourself to never forget how his hair falls over his forehead or how the scar under his jaw curves upward just so. It feels, for once, like you're not worried about what happens in the next five minutes because he's right here, and you need to count every single freckle before you can do anything else. 

He inhales suddenly, and you feel him start to stretch before he feels you. Your hand rests on his cleanly shaven jaw as he opens his eyes, at least four different emotions playing out behind them when he realizes what happened. Golden rays of sunshine filter through the curtains, making him look like someone's version of an ancient god. He opens his mouth to start to say something, but you lean in to kiss him before he can. 

His lips are soft and tentative against yours before his mind catches up with his body. Then, his hold on you tightens, pulling your body flush to his, and he kisses you like his life depends on it. You bury your hands in his hair as his hands come to your jaw to deepen the kiss. There's a little teeth and tongue as his arms rest on either side of your head, caging you in. It feels like he's everywhere and nowhere all at once. You need more. You squeeze his shoulders when he kisses a line from your lips to your jaw and down your neck, gasping when his teeth scrape against your skin enough to send electricity down your spine. He soothes the barely there pain with a soft kiss, taking his time to taste your skin. 

"Joel," you breathe. He kisses the shaky incantation of his name away as his warm hands slide under your shirt and skate up your ribs. Your back arches, and you press yourself closer to him, desperate for any kind of contact. His thumb barely brushes against the swell of your breasts when the grating default iPhone alarm sounds. You both jump and startle out of the moment. His hands leave you, and he shuffles to smash the off button. You do your best to get your heart rate down as he sits on the edge of his side of the bed with his back to you. It's dead silent, and for a minute, you think maybe it was all a dream, but your lips are still buzzing, and the skin he kissed and nipped and licked stings with the reminder that he was just right there.

"It's seven o'clock." He says, his voice cracking over the syllables, and you nod at the ceiling. He stands and moves to his suitcase to pull out some clothes, actively avoiding your eyes. When he disappears into the bathroom, you cover your face with a pillow and hope a meteor will rattle through the atmosphere and burn you from the earth because that would be easier to understand than whatever the fuck that was.

You're sitting on the couch with two hosts of the Today Show, a pretty pink dress flowing around you as you listen to them talk up your most recent project to go to theatres, but you're not all there. In the background of their questions and the hot lights beating down on you, you're going through every single movement that led to Joel Miller kissing the life out of you this morning. You're stuck on the minutes just before seven am when nothing mattered more than his body against yours. He left the hotel room without a goodbye while you were washing your face, and you won't see him until later tonight. So, you're stuck tracing the shape of Joel's nose into the hem of your dress like it's the answer to an important question on a final exam. 

"This movie has already sparked many beautiful conversations online about families and growing up. What can you tell us about what you took away from this film?" Hoda asks. You start something about how coming of age is scary, but you were really grateful to get to do this project. You praise the girl who played your younger sister and how well she portrayed that experience. You were going to say something about another costar or the director or something, but it all flutters out of your head when you think about Joel's hands on you. This is fucking pathetic, you think.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot what I was gonna say," you laugh the way they taught you to— good-naturedly and honestly but not too loud. Nobody likes a loud woman.

"That's alright. I think we all know where your mind is right now." Jenna, the other host, chimes in, and you raise your eyebrows. 

"You do?" You ask, a little nervous that they know something you don't. They both hum and nod.

"Does it have anything to do with coming into New York with a certain singer on your arm?" Jenna asks, and you feel yourself relax. You laugh and run your hands through your hair as you nod.

"You caught me."

"How is Joel?"

"He's great. I'm sure he'd be here with me today if he didn't have work. I'm just happy our schedules finally lined up for once."

"Now, we know he is famously very private, but what can you tell us about your relationship? How did you meet? What's it been like to date one of the most famous rockstars in the world?" Hoda asks, her chin in her hand as she stares at you. You smile and fidget with a ring on your index finger.

"Well, you're right about him being very private, so I don't want to give away too much because I kinda like having our little secrets too, but I'm really happy. It's been a little bit of a learning curve for both of us, but we've found something that works."

"That's it?! C'mon, you've gotta give us a little more!" Jenna exclaims, and you laugh, throwing your hands up.

"I'm not one to kiss and tell!"

"I guess we'll have to get Joel in here one of these days."

"Oh, good luck with that. His ability to dodge questions like the plague is one of my favorite things about him." You say as a picture of you and Joel kissing on the charity red carpet appears on the screen. You can't stop the blush from spreading across your cheeks, but you try playing it off as smiling too much.

"Look at you two! You really are a great couple, and we wish you both the best." 

"Thank you so much." You say. They dive back into promoting your newest movie before cutting to commercials. You give them both big hugs and thank them again before being whisked off to do more press. 

You spend the rest of your day answering the same four questions over and over again with your costars by your side. They make it a little easier to get through the day, especially when they tell embarrassing stories from set or play stupid games with you. You're able to take your mind off of Joel for a few hours when you're with them. You make plans to color-coordinate on the red carpet for the premiere because you guys play a family, and that's what families do. Lilly, the girl who plays your younger sister, asks your opinion on dresses and how to tell her stylist that she's hated almost every outfit he's put her in. You give her as much advice as possible and ignore the thought in the back of your head that you would've killed to have someone provide you with advice like this when you first started.

The day goes by faster than expected, and you're back in the hotel room before you know it. Except Joel isn't there when you walk in. Instead, there's a bag on the bed with his handwriting scrawled on a note beside it. Wear this tonight. I'll meet you at dinner -JM, under his initials, is the address of the restaurant where you're supposed to have dinner. You furrow your brows in confusion as you pull a little black dress out of the bag. It's your size, which you have no idea how he found out, but you're pleasantly surprised when it fits. The hem of the dress hits an inch or two above your knees, and the collar is lined with pearls. It's gorgeous and feels expensive as it clings to your body. You pair it with a pair of black heels before doing your hair and makeup.

It's not super common for people in the industry to still do their own hair and makeup, but you love it. You like the time and energy it takes to get yourself ready. There's something meditative about it, which you could use if you're going to make it through dinner. You take some inspiration from Pamela Anderson's makeup looks from the nineties when the public deemed her The Rockstar's Girlfriend. While Tommy Lee is a piece of shit, and Joel is nowhere near like that, you still like the aesthetic. When you step back from the mirror to take in your complete look, power and confidence surge through your veins. You grab your little black purse from the counter and saunter to the lobby.

Paparazzi snap your pictures leaving the hotel and getting into the car Joel sent for you, but you're not annoyed at it for once. You look good. The world should see it. You text Joel that you're on your way, the only communication you've had with him since this morning. You decide that the thing that makes this kiss feel so different and jarring from the others is that it wasn't for the cameras or the press. It was just for you two. You were alone in the privacy of your own bed, and you kissed him because you wanted to, not because you had to sell a story. But he kissed you back. He did more than kiss you back. You sigh as the car rolls to a stop, and the back door opens. Joel stands there in a tight-fitting black button-up shirt and nice slacks, holding his hand out to you. You take it and smile as he helps you out of the car, kissing your cheek once you're in view of the photographers on the sidewalk. 

"You look beautiful," he says, so only you can hear it, and you squeeze his hand. He escorts you into the restaurant, and you two are given a table in the back. It's all too similar to your first-ever date when you were ready to punch him and break a legally binding contract. You order drinks and mess with your earrings as you think of what to say.

"How was your day?" You figure is as good a place to start as any. He raises his eyebrows at you, and you just stare at him like you don't know what he's waiting for.

"It was fine. Got a lot of work done," he says. "What about you?"

"I did a lot of interviews. Got asked about you a whole bunch." You say as the waiter brings your drinks over. You thank him and watch him scurry away before Joel takes a big sip of his beer. 

"What'd you say?" He asks, and you shrug.

"I told them how deliriously happy we are," you say. He grinds his teeth and hums as he takes in your words. You drink your drinks silently until the waiter comes by to take your food orders. Joel must sense lingering eyes at the same time you do because he takes your hand and rubs affectionate circles into your skin. You reach out with your other hand to move his hair out of his eyes and mumble something about him needing a haircut. He hums but doesn't take his eyes off you. You vaguely recognize the look behind the irises and shake your head. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" 

"Like you didn't leave the second you got the chance this morning," finally tumbles from your lips. You expect him to get annoyed or frustrated, but he doesn't. 

"I had to." He says.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"I, obviously, don't."

"If I didn't leave when I did this morning, neither of us would've made it out of the room for the rest of the day." He says like it's common knowledge. You take a deep breath and lean forward.

"I don't believe you." You say. He shrugs, grabs your martini glass from in front of you, and takes a sip. You give him a look, and he smirks. This doesn't feel like a serious conversation anymore. This feels like a game.

"You think too much."

"Oh, is that what it is?" You ask, and he hums, handing you your drink back. You sigh and take a big swig. "You're infuriating." You mumble into the glass. He scoots his chair closer to the table and copies you, leaning forward until he's right in your face. 

"Then, why'd you kiss me this morning?" He asks, his breath fanning across your neck as he tilts his head. His voice is low and curious, if not the tiniest bit smug. 

"Lapse of judgment."

"That right?"

"Mhm," you hum. "Don't think I'd do it again unless I had to."

"Wanna hear what I think?"

"Not really, but I'm sure you'll tell me anyways."

"I think you're lyin'. You know exactly why you kissed me this morning."

"Yeah? Enlighten me, then." You challenge.

"I think you kissed me because you wanted to, and you never act on the things you want 'cause of that perfectly polished Hollywood attitude. And sure, you smile all pretty and keep yourself quiet, but I know you need an excuse to let that all go."

"And what? You're that excuse?"

"If that's what you want me to be," he says, moving so his mouth is right by your ear. "When's the last time someone properly fucked you, huh? Because I barely touched you this morning, and you sounded like you were gonna cry. Joel," he copies the way you said his name this morning, all breathy and desperate. His words shoot straight to your core, and the restaurant is suddenly too hot. You dig your nails into his hand, but he doesn't flinch. No, he has the audacity to fucking laugh. "I bet if I reached under that little dress, you'd just be drippin' for me." Approaching footsteps pull him and that dirty mouth away from you as Joel smiles at the waiter like he didn't just say all that to you. Your food is set down on the table in front of you, but you're not hungry anymore. Joel just stares at you with a shit-eating grin. You down the rest of your martini and clear your throat as you pick up your fork.

"I'm going to fucking kill you." You say quietly, and he chuckles.

"Do your worst, darlin'." 

It could be the ache between your legs or the agonizingly slow way Joel eats his dinner, but it feels like you're at the restaurant for hours before Joel finally gets the bill. What's worse is the New York City traffic you get stuck in on your way back to the hotel. You're about ready to get out of the car and just walk the rest of the way. Joel seems to think this entire thing is hilarious because he chuckles and puts a hand on your thigh, squeezing your skin. "Relax," he whispers, and your jaw clenches as you look at him. Cars honk at each other, and people yell loudly, distracting the driver enough for you to kiss his neck. Your hand rests on the other side of his neck, keeping him in place as you lick at the hollow of his throat. His grip tightens on your thigh when your hand travels down his chest, your fingers working to undo the top few buttons. Your nails lightly scrape over his chest, and a low groan rumbles through him, making you smirk.

"Where'd you go, baby? You were talking such big shit back at the restaurant. I thought you'd be able to handle a little teasing," he swallows hard, and you reach down to palm him through his slacks. He bites back a desperate noise and claws at your wrist to stop your movements. "Gonna cry for me, Miller?" You ask. The car stops in front of the hotel, and he sighs as he looks between you and the tent in his pants.

"Ready to run?" He questions. Before you can even ask him what he means, he grabs your hand, opens the car door, and basically sprints into the hotel, dodging paparazzi and doormen, making you laugh the whole way in. You keep running until you reach the elevators, both of you reaching to punch the button at the same time. You laugh, still breathless from the running and the complete 180 the situation took. Joel shakes his head, fighting a smile, as you giggle deliriously. "There's so much wrong with you."

"Me?! You're the one who made me run into the hotel lobby like a crazy person!" You say as the elevator door opens. He hums as he pushes you through the doors with his body, his lips ghosting over yours when he reaches to press the button for your floor. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and kiss him when you start moving. His hands rest on your waist, and he pushes you until your back hits the wall of the elevator, his finger tugging at the fabric of your dress. When the doors open, Joel grabs your hand again, and you two run down the hallway like kids until you screech to a halt in front of your door. 

Joel pats his pockets feverously as he searches for the room key, making you laugh. You lean in and work on the buttons of his shirt while he fishes for it, his Adam's apple bobbing when you kiss his sternum. The hotel key card shakes in Joel's hand, and he curses under his breath as he scans it again, desperately trying to make it turn green. The second it does, he pulls you into the room with him, pushing you against the door and kissing you roughly. His knee finds its way between your legs, pressing into your core in the most delicious way. You moan and reach for his belt bucket, your nails barely grazing his hard cock, making him hiss before gathering your wrists in one of his hands and bringing them above your head. "If y'do that, 'm not gonna last long enough to feel you," he says, his voice hot in your ear. You whine as he kisses down your neck, leaving love bites on any piece of skin he can reach. 

You grind your hips against his thigh, and you should be embarrassed by the sounds leaving you, but you don't have the mental capacity. Not when you feel this good. Joel releases your hands to push the hem of your dress up, up, up until he can get a full view of the black lace covering you. "Fuckin' Christ," Joel groans. He wastes no time pushing the fabric aside and sliding through your folds a second later. You let out a choked moan and lean your head against the door as he collects your wetness on his fingers. "All this for me, pretty girl?" He asks.

"Ah, Joel," you whine when he makes a pass at your clit, your fingernails digging into his shoulder. Your hips move against him, desperately searching for more friction. 

"I got you. 'S okay. I'm gonna take care of you, okay? Are you gonna let me take care of you, baby?" His voice is whiny in a way you've never heard before, making you dizzy. His middle finger teases your entrance, and you clench around nothing. "Need to hear you say it."

"Please, I need you," you sound desperate, your breath heaving from you as you stand there, almost shaking with anticipation. He doesn't move, and you feel like you're going crazy. "Jesus fucking Christ, Joel, please. I need you inside me." The second the words leave your mouth, he presses two fingers into you, sliding right to the knuckle in one motion. You moan loudly and drop your head to his shoulder as he slowly pumps his fingers in and out of you. You remember hearing once that guitarists have the best hands out of everyone else in the music world. You always thought it was a joke, but now that you're here with Joel's fingers buried deep inside you and his thumb pressing on your clit, you're inclined to agree. His long, rough fingers reach spots deep inside you that you can't reach yourself, and when they curl just so, stars explode across your vision. His name leaves your lips like a broken prayer as he moves his fingers faster.

"You're so fuckin' pretty like this. Takin' my fingers so well," he's babbling in your ear, which you should've expected based on everything you know about him, but his voice is intoxicating. You pick your head up off his shoulder and keen against him, your hips pushing into his hand. He takes the opportunity to kiss you roughly, all teeth and tongue, as the sound of his fingers moving against you makes you feel like you're burning from the inside out. "You gonna come for me, pretty girl? Gonna let me feel it?" He asks, ducking his head to mouth at your neck. He adds more pressure to your clit, a little mean about it, and you gasp, clawing at his shoulders as your vision goes white. Your walls pulse around his fingers, and sounds you didn't even know you were capable of leave your chest, but he doesn't stop, desperate to pull every bit of pleasure out of you. 

You pull the hair at the nape of his neck and beg him to stop, your breath catching in your throat when he thrusts into you again before pulling out. Without missing a beat, he pops his index and middle finger into his mouth, sucking every drop of your arousal from them. The look in his eyes is dark and completely blissed out as his tongue peeks from between his fingers. That is enough to send a zing down your spine, reigniting the fire in your stomach, and you hastily undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt and push it off his shoulders. He steps backward, and you follow him until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and he falls on top of it. You step back to take in the sight of world-famous, untouchable, tattooed, badass rockstar Joel Miller laid out in front of you, hard as a rock against his slacks and completely at your mercy. 

You reach behind your back and unzip your dress, letting the fabric and your underwear pool at your feet. You kick off your heels before crawling on top of him, his big hands immediately splaying across your waist as he sits up to kiss at the swell of your breast. Your hands pull at his hair when he takes one in his mouth, his tongue flicking over your nipple and making you see stars. "Fuck, you're so good at that," you moan, looking down to see him staring at you. He releases your breast with a soft pop before moving to the other, giving it the same treatment. You don't know what atrocities you suffered in a past life to deserve someone like him taking so much time with you, putting his own orgasm aside to pleasure you, but you’ll take it. "Kiss me, please." You beg. He quickly obliges and takes the opportunity to flip your positions so he's on top of you.

You reach down to undo his belt buckle and push his slacks and underwear down his ass in one fell swoop. He moans against your lips when you take him in your hand, twisting your wrist just enough to make him thrust into your fist. He's panting as he presses his forehead against yours, and a sick part of your brain thinks about teasing him.

"I don't have," he breathes, deflating slightly against you. "I don't have a condom. I didn't think this was gonna happen." 

"I'm on birth control, and I'm good if you're good." You say, and he nods.

"I'm clear," he swallows hard, obviously using every iota of his brain to stay focused. "Are you... are you sure?" He asks. You don't say anything. You just guide him forward and take a sharp inhale as he slowly pushes into you. He's an incoherent babbling mess and buries his face in your neck once he's fully seated inside you. The stretch is painful for a second before it blossoms into a white-hot pleasure at the base of your spine. 

"Joel,"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to move," you say. He moves back slowly, and you feel every inch of him before his hips thrust forward. He sets a dizzying pace— slow and languid at first but quickly shifting to rough and frantic. Your nails rake down his warm back, leaving red scratches on his skin as he fucks you. He's bordering on whimpering as he thrusts into you harder, and you gasp when his thumb grazes your clit. "You sound so pretty when you're fucking me. I can't believe I've gone this long without having your cock inside me. You feel so fucking good." You mumble in his ear, and he keens at your praise, something you store in your mind for later. 

You open your mouth to say something more, but he draws tight circles around your clit, making your pussy clench around him, and the thought flies from your brain. It takes one more hard thrust to push you over the edge, stealing the breath from your lungs and clinging to Joel like he's the last lifeboat in a storm. Joel curses and presses bruises into your hips as he comes inside you, the feeling of it stealing the breath from your lungs. 

His movements still, and his cock rests inside you as you both slowly float back down to earth. Joel presses sweet kisses to your jaw, your cheeks, your forehead, and your nose before finally kissing your lips. He tastes like you and the martini he stole earlier. You take in a shaky breath, not realizing that you hadn't been breathing, and ground yourself in the feeling of his sweaty body against yours. You trace patterns into his back, and he hums at the feeling, making you smile. You stay like that for a few minutes before he finally gets the courage to carefully slip out of you and run to the bathroom to get something to clean you up. He kisses you when you whine at the sensitivity and even tosses a water bottle from the mini bar on the bed, calling for you to drink it as he finishes up in the bathroom. He's gentle in how he cares for you, way more gentle than any other person had been with you. 

When he comes back out, naked as the day he was born, you smile and make grabby hands at him. He doesn't hesitate to climb back into bed with you and unapologetically wrap you in his arms. You rest your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat as he runs his fingers through your hair, occasionally pressing kissing to the crown of your head or your temple. Then, just like the whole reason this started, you fall asleep on his chest, feeling safe and wanted for the first time in years.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The Pacino Variant

Since I found out that JAW got inspiration from Al Pacino to play some of Carmy's layers I immediately started thinking about Frankie and Johnny's dynamic and how it was all so messy in their relationship before it got to the good part. Granted, JAW was not inspired by Johnny, but by a different role Al Pacino played, but still. It got me thinking about how this very Austenian love story, of course, very realistic and bittersweet had certain points in common with Sydcarmy and once I started I just couldn't stop drawing parallels between the sydcarmy dynamic and the frankjohnny one because F&J was a very atypical comedy, just like The Bear and that's why many viewers now don't even understand how The Bear is a comedy, which it is, of course: A noir one. Back then, something similar kinda happened with Frankie & Johnny, it flopped as a rom-com but it became a cult movie and was critically acclaimed.

Here's a clip:

Context: they met while working together at a diner.

The main characters were described as: "lonely little people struggling to find love."

Rolling Stone's review back then read the following:

"Somehow Mr. Marshall, Mr. McNally, and their superb leading actors are able to retain the intimacy of their material. They also retain the story's fundamental wariness about romance, even when everything about Ms. Pfeiffer and Mr. Pacino has the audience wondering why they don't simply fall into each other's arms."

See? Sounds very Sydcarmy to me, building intimacy while NOT dating, Frankie (Michelle Pfeiffer) is all business-no love, a tough cookie, she's been burnt before so she doesn't let any new guy into her life

and Johnny has to do the hard work to convince her (which Carm is not doing bc he rather denies his own feelings and deflects onto Claire as both this amazing meta by @Chefkids and my own humble opinion point out). In Johnny's case, there's no Claire but there is a rather complicated past that also conditions his choices and Frankie doesn't make it any easier on him, etc.

So my point is that the whole Sydcarmy back and forth before it actually happens, which I already mentioned here I think is gonna be more of a cliffhanger kinda thing bc before we get to that part they need to be at each other's throats, Carmy's relationship with C has to crash and burn, The Bear needs to win a bunch of awards and hopefully get out of debt, which will be S3's main focus, along with Nat's baby that's gonna be a total game changer in terms of the Berzatto family's dynamic, etc... when all of those boxes are checked ✅✅✅ then we will venture into Sydcarmy territory on Storer's terms. And I can't help but wonder if that transition from friends to lovers is gonna be kinda like F&J's, I think it might, because it sounds Storer-friendly. I'm not talking about the endgame per se, just the transition.

Would love to know what you all think about this theory.

If you haven't seen the movie and now feel curious about it, here's a playlist, and those short clips pretty much sum it all up.

❤️‍🔥

[windsoflimbo]

Transcription below [Provided by Transcripts at the Table]

Austin: Uh huh. Yep. [Janine laughs] I love just like, imagining the thirteen year old who is like, 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): [excited] I heard from the halfling who turns into a weird horse that that guys is God, and this proves it. His grave had a hole under it. He went down there back into the trees which he- which he made. He made the trees. And he's in there now. He went home. 

Keith (as Fero): [shouting from far away] Hey! Hey! Hey! [closer] Hey! I didn't say- I didn't say that! 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): You said he was God. 

Keith (as Fero): I didn't say that. 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): You said he was God. 

Keith (as Fero): Don’t tell him that I said stuff that I didn't say. I didn’t say- I said he knew god.

Art: [overlapping with Keith above] What fuckin’ panopticon shit is Fero on? [Austin laughs hard]

Keith: What’s-

Austin: [laughing throughout] Fero just breaking in to a children's classroom. [Ali laughs] Fero in the cafeteria like, from across the hall-

Keith (as Fero): I was working out a new bat thing, and it has really good hearing. 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): Anyway, that's why I trust you when you said that he made this Spring. Which is the trees. 

Keith (as Fero): That’s true. He did do that.

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): Which is the world that we're in, right? So, that-

Keith (as Fero): Yeah.  

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): Just like the old one. And so now-

Keith (as Fero): No, that was just magic. Just regular magic.

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old):  It’s the same. It's the same. 

Keith (as Fero): Anyone that uses magic is a god? You know how stupid you sound? 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): No, they- He made a world. He made a world out of it. When Sunder does stuff, she doesn’t make a world. She can't even make a house, probably. 

Keith (as Fero): She could totally make a house.

Janine: This is what happens when we let Fero teach the kids. They get really confrontational. [Austin and Keith laugh hard]

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): You shut up. You don't know anything. 

Keith (as Fero): Shut up! 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): Why would you believe-?

Keith (as Fero): You don’t know jack shit! 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): You don’t even believe in god. 

Keith (as Fero): No! I know- I met them! 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): This guy doesn’t even-

Keith (as Fero): [shouting loud] Of course I do! I saw them! They're dead- they’re mostly dead!

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): [mockingly] Yeah, ‘I saw them. I saw them.’ Nyaahhh. That’s you! That’s what you sound like.

Keith (as Fero): If you don’t believe that I saw them, why do you believe me on the other stuff? It doesn’t make sense. 

Austin (as Thirteen Year Old): Cause there was a hole under the crypt! Obviously! 

Keith (as Fero): You’re- Carl, you’re driving me crazy today! 

Austin (as Carl): [mumbling sounds to mock Fero] Myea- car- byaah cray- [Keith laughs hard] Nyaaah. Bleh!

Keith (as Fero): Blehhh! [blows a raspberry] 

Austin (as Carl): Blehhh!

Keith: I turn into a big-

Austin (as Carl): You’re a dummy. 

Keith: I turn into a big tongue. [Austin laughs] 

Austin (as Carl): [disgusted] Ee-ugh.

Keith: [laughs hard] I turn into a big tongue, and my whole body does the spit thing at him.

Austin: [laughing] Just like flopping around. [Keith laughing hard; Austin grossed out] Ughhh. All the kids scream and run. 

Keith: [still laughing and trying to catch his breath] I- I turn back, and I'm just laughing. Austin: [groans a laugh] Janine in the chat, ‘Carl is Fero’s Blue J.’ [Ali laughs] Finally. Um, alright. Good dark mystery. I'm gonna tick some clocks.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

top 5 romangerri moments 🫶

i am finally answering this almost one month late!!!! this is the kind of question that requires a lot of ruminating, okay. and oh, i have been ruminating!

this is more a scene than a moment, but! their whole slime puppy phone call scene. i think it's just magic. they're both chilling and having fun snarking at each other! the situation escalates in a way that clearly baffles and delights them both! and i find it really moving for roman how easy it is for him to interact with gerri and have an effortlessly sexy rapport with her, right in the wake of his failed call with tabitha that ended so miserably. not to mention that it's, to me, one of the only times we see gerri choose to do something on impulse for fun. (that's how i read her reaction, anyway, rather than something tactical. i honestly think she just had a shitty day at work and she and roman have been secretly vibing for awhile and that's hot and entertaining to her so she just leans in in the moment.) it's just so interesting to me that she makes that choice, especially knowing that this situation is going to become SO repressed and she's going to take a stance of such denial that it ever happened. they're both just really loose and free and fun with each other in this scene and i think it's a glimpse at what they would be like as a couple if they could ever actually just exist without everything keeping them apart.

gerri doing up roman's buttons in 2.03 -- specifically, if we want to pick a precise moment, when she looks up at him. it's the one moment of physical touch + realization of attraction that they ever get to share, and i think it believably lights the match for the fire that never goes out.

gerri watching roman at the funeral. just, like, getting to see her pain for him all over her face, and in maybe the most public setting we have ever seen them in. especially in the wake of everything that happened in the episodes before and how over their relationship felt. to get that proof of how deeply she still feels for him -- beautiful agony!!!

the moment where roman realizes that gerri isn't actually berating him but is engaging with him sexually in the "tern haven" scene. just, like, the face journey he goes on in that moment. jesus!!! again, i find it really poignant that in the wake of a failed sexual encounter with tabitha, gerri is just like right there totally understanding how to connect with him. they're in a dance now.

it's SO hard to definitively choose one last one when there's such a festival of riches, but i shall go with the "stone-cold killer bitch" / "who says you don't know how to flirt?" exchange, because it immediately set the tone of their dynamic. there's a little fun, a little dryly flirty energy going on there, and the visual of roman flopping awkwardly down on the couch next to her and then sitting lower than her -- it's all just so their vibe, baby. it really impresses me that that first interaction holds so much of what's to come re: their dynamic even though what's to come wasn't, at that point, planned at all. (presumably because j and kieran's chemistry and dynamic was already long-established due to their friendship and that informed the relationship a lot!) basically: meant 2 be!!!!

[lnights]

@10yearsofblindchannel

Tommi day! 856 words, OT6!

Tommi was trying to sleep.

Yeah he always knew it would be hard to sleep on a moving tour bus full of people, especially full of people that were loud and all had slightly different sleep schedules, but normally he could read a bit and make himself sleepy. But it just wasn't happening tonight.

It wasn't that anyone was being particularly loud or disruptive, no more so than normal at least, but sleep just wouldn't come to him no matter what he did. He couldn't focus on his book, music wasn't helping, he couldn't exactly go for a walk, and sheer force of will wouldn't make his brain quiet down enough for sleep to come.

Tommi let out a sigh and pulled back the curtain of his bunk, squinting against the harsh light of the bus as he swung his legs out.

"Are you still awake?" Joonas asked from the couch.

"Can't sleep," Tommi grumbled.

"Want some coffee?" Joel offered, "I'll make it."

Tommi laughed, Joel was lying on the couch with his head in Joonas' lap and his hair getting played with, there was no way he'd move. "No, don't get up, you seem comfy." Tommi told him.

"I can make it." Joel mumbled, but he made no attempt to get up, his eyes closing and leaning into Joonas' hand.

"Where's everyone else?" Tommi asked.

"Olli's asleep in his bunk," Joonas told him, "and Niko and Aleksi are having some quiet time in the back."

Tommi sighed, that was three of his boyfriends he couldn't get to distract him, flopping down by Joonas and running his fingers through his curls.

"Are you two having some alone time too?" Tommi asked quietly; it could be hard for them to get any time alone with just the six of them, but it was almost impossible for them to pair up to just spend some time together. It would be better when the tour was done, and he wasn't going to intrude on anyone's time.

But Joonas shook his head, giving him a smile, "you know how this one-" he gestured down at Joel, "can't sleep if one of us isn't by him, so we're just hanging out."

Tommi nodded and started running his fingers through Joel's hair too, knowing it was the best way to lull him to sleep, and earning a small contented sigh from the singer in return.

They just stayed like that for a while, not talking but enjoying the closeness; a couple of their crew members were around but pretty much everyone was asleep at that time of night; driving overnight between cities so they could make the next gig, so they could just feel the movement of the bus and relax together.

"Why can't you sleep, nalle?" Joel muttered, sounding half asleep himself.

"Just can't," Tommi murmured back.

"So we have two insomniacs." Joonas laughed softly.

"Tonight we do." Tommi sighed.

There was a soft sliding sound and a few moments later Niko and Aleksi appeared in front of the couch, the pink imprint on Niko's cheek and slow blinking indicating he had been getting some blessed sleep in the back before something woke him up.

"I had a thought." Aleksi whispered, "I couldn't sleep-"

"Oh great," Joel groaned, "we're up to half." 

"I'm not exactly sleeping either J." Joonas muttered.

"How about we all sleep in the back tonight?" Aleksi continued with a tired smile, "we still have a few days until our next hotel stay and the two couches pull out into a big bed…"

"Yes," Tommi said instantly, it's exactly what he needed, to be surrounded by his boyfriends.

"I'm taking your bunk then," Santeri grumbled, hauling himself up from the table he had been working at and going to claim his new spot for the night.

"Fair," Tommi chuckled, standing and helping Joel to his feet, watching as he shuffled to the back with an arm around Joonas, Niko and Aleksi grabbing pillows and blankets from their bunks as they followed them.

Tommi grabbed the ones they missed and started to follow, but paused at Olli's bunk. They had a rule that if someone's curtain was closed, you don't open it, but he also knew how deep their bassist could sleep and that Olli would be so upset if he woke up and found they had all slept together without him…

So Tommi shifted the blankets to one arm and gently pulled back the curtain, smiling at Olli's peaceful face. He reached into the cramped space and carefully got his arms under him, pulling him out and carrying him to the back.

"Oh good," Joonas smiled as he walked in, "can't forget our Olli."

Tommi laid him on the pulled out bed between Niko, who had already fallen back asleep, and Joel who miraculously seemed to be falling asleep fast now.

Aleksi and Joonas got in and left an open space for him, so Tommi just turned off the light and laid down between, pulling both of them into his arms, enjoying their warmth and focusing on the sound of their breathing.

He was asleep in no time.

[rin-and-jade]

After a while of paying attention to people's content, i got curious and have made my own breakthrough, though doesn't matter of someone knew about it already because i'd still like to share my findings.

Ok, we all know that one usual thing, where we don't remember and will never remember what you did or went or said until someone prompts your memory to finally recall it when they go "hey you remember that time where/when we ___ ?" and you go "OH YEAHHH!..." ?. i have an explanation and some tips though i need people to test it out for me and provide answers please! (because one person can't vouch its effectiveness)

Well, reason is in the hippocampus, that one part which is responsible for memory, and the easy way to explain the process of encoding and retrieving memories is how you write things down in a piece of paper (encoding) and then finding the paper that has the contents of the memory (retrieving). Not to mention that all alter's encoding and retrieval abilities are in a spectrum, that means that some of you won't have problems with remembering but some will too.

So the problem, for those who are bad at recalling things, unless someone prompts the specific memory, it has to do with your encoded memories, it is weak, its like (continuing the previous analogy) the paper that had written the contents has no title, so you have a hard time searching for it because it's not specific enough to retrieve it yourself (assuming you also don't know the contents but only the title that belongs to a certain content). And its usually due to:

Not paying enough attention, so it can't be properly encoded and that affects how hard it is to be recalled.

Getting interfered, when in process of paying attention/memorizing but another new information gets in a way will weaken the existing memory thats being encoded.

Uninterested/no emotional associations, sometimes being apathetic to an important event others care about will not have a great impression so it will only get encoded for short term but not for long term thus harder to be retrieved when needed.

stress/sleep deprivation/exhaustion, does affect how well you encode and be able to retrieve memories though doesn't change anything and will indirectly make things harder for you.

Though not proven how effective it is, i had been using some and another bunch i don't use but learnt from existing informations and tips:

Writing upcoming work/events in a calendar or journal

Rehearsing the same information each day to strengthen encoding and retrieval (i have been doing this twice a day every time and without doubt it works like a charm)

Using associations, either visually or emotionally, so its easier to encode and recall it whenever you need (i also use this for multiple choices in tests, or remembering certain memories from different friends)

Linking, which is putting a new information together with the old information you always remember so its easier to recall (like going to the bathroom and remember you had a new skincare when being in there)

Take pictures so it's easier to remember what you ate, or did, or went to incase you might forget, via visual proof

Think thats all for now folks, i spent days to make this post so please don't let it flop..

- j

[like-rain-or-confetti]

I'm the love of your life!?

One way or another, someone admits the love of their life and excuse us as we are stunned.

The Riddler: "See I went out with with Harvey and he kissed me-" You were cut off. "He what!?" The Riddler glared at you. "- and that was when I realised the only person ever wanted to kiss for the rest of my life was you and that I think that's because you're the love of my life. So I came over here to tell you!" You let out a sigh of relief. Edward stared at you with wide eyes of disbelief. You felt the awkward silence as Edward gaped at you. "That was all I wanted to say tell you." You said quickly. "I'll let you get back to your work." As you turned, Edward's hand shot out and he pulled you into him roughly, kissing you hard. It makes him realise that you're the love of his life...whether he'll actually admit that though...well he'd have to be on his deathbed.

Scarecrow: "Never have I ever met the love of my life!" Harley giggled and their was a collective of sighs, groans and eye rolls. Harley ignored all with another giggle and put the glass to her lips, as did Two-Face, as did Mad Hatter and to everyone's surprise so did Scarecrow. You did a double take. "Wait! You haven't told me this before! Who!? When!?" Jonathan chuckled. "It was a while ago. "Oh come on Jonathan! You can't give me that much you have to tell me more!" The Riddler scoffed pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're laughing at me!" You exclaimed with a nervous laugh, before turning to the others. Jonathan's shoulders continued to shake with laughter that he didn't let pass his lips. "Why is he laughing at me?" The Riddler leaned towards you, a hand on your arm. "(Y/N), I'm going to say this as delicately as I can." He began. "You're a fucking idiot." A few chuckles escaped Jonathan. He slouched back, leaning his head on your shoulder as he continued to laugh to himself. "Don't tell them, Ed." Harvey cut Edward off. "Oh come on! They aren't going to get it!" Edward argued. "They will, just wait." Harvey ordered, staring you down. All eyes were on you other than Jonathan who was smiling at the floor. Jonathan interlocked his fingers with yours. After a second your eyes widened. "Oh, we have something." Harvey spoke. You lifted your free hand and raised it above your head. Then you pointed down at yourself, your face priceless. "There it is." Harvey said finally and Edward flopped back in disbelief and defeat.

Two-Face: "What do you mean im the love of your life!?" You gasped. "...Who else was i supposed to say?" Harvey asked confused. "Um, Gilda!? You know, the one you married!?" You responded, eyes wide. "That doesn't mean anything." Harvey laughed at your perplexed expression. "Remarrying is a thing you know." He added. "You seriously love me more than you loved Gilda?" You asked. He nodded. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and you stayed. So that's quite the bonus." You sat back in your seat silently, a smile on your faces as you blushed. You slouched back in your chair trying to cover your face with your jumper. Two-Face smirked from his place beside you.

Penguin: "Oh you're the love of my life easily, sweetheart." Oswald said it so nonchalantly that it took you by surprise. "Wait what!? Really!?" You gawked. "My one wish is that if I was younger. I could have used with someone like you when I was younger. I'm lucky you're interested in an old sod like me." He said before taking a puff of his cigar. "Had better hair then too." You burst into laughter. "Oz, I love you." You smiled fondly. "Plus you make yourself sound like your sixty at the very least." "Feels like it sometimes." Oswald muttered.

Harley Quinn: When she told you that you were the love of her life, you nearly dropped the plate you were holding. "B-but what about the J-" Harley cut you off. "Joker has a piece of my heart and always will. He set me free but you set me free of him. With you I'm Harley, not just a harlequin in the Joker's shadow. "Maybe that'll change when tomorrow comes around but for right now, you're the love of my life and I hope nothing could ever change that. I can't imagine anything ever could."

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

we need more vivi hurt/comfort in this fandom. #25 prompt (“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.”) from Artie to Vi if you're up for it? 💛🩵

(hurt/comfort dialogue prompts)

(oof god i'm rusty with these characters. let's get into it)

"I'm fine," she says, for what feels like the millionth time.

"Bullshit," is Arthur's response. "I'm down an arm, Vi, not my fucking eyes. And ho- honestly, I wouldn't- wouldn't even need th-those to tell right now." A hand lands on her shoulder, pushing her down further into the chair for emphasis. "One more try. I'm gonna ask you how you are, and it'd be nice if you c-could answer me honestly."

She shoves him off and stands up, already stalking away, ignoring the shooting pain all up through her side when she does. "God, fuck you. Fuck off. This is so stupid. I don't need,"

And then her vision whites out.

---

She blinks herself fuzzily awake into a world much softer than the one she was just in. She's in bed, she registers, or at least a pile of blankets. The pain is gone, but it also feels like everything else isn't quite online, either. There's a vague clicking noise from somewhere to her right.

"...you hovering all the time," she finishes her thought, although it comes out too mumbly to really deliver.

"j'you say sa- s-something?" The clicking noise stops, and an Arthur appears in her field of view. He looks worried. So, like normal.

"Yeah, uh, what? Why am I in bed?"

Now he just looks exasperated, throwing his hand up in annoyance, which is an improvement at least. "You passed out, stupid! And th-th-then when I freak out, out about it you're all like oh no never mind it's whatever fr- from the fucking floor. 'Why am I in bed.' Dumbass."

She only vaguely remembers that, not that she's going to admit it. Well, okay, question answered. She tries to get up, and Arthur immediately shoves her back into the pillow.

"Hey," she protests.

He makes his usual staccato ch-ch-ch disapproval noise, which she usually thinks is cute when it isn't directed at her. "Nope. I j-just got done bandaging you up, you are not getting up. You, you are st-staying right here."

She tries to wrestle him off, but he's annoyingly persistent and her angle's all off. "Okay, I'm patched up! So it's fine! Let me out!"

Whup, and her hand is flat against the bed, and Arthur's hanging out of his chair to get his arm over her chest and pin her down. "No."

Probably she could flip him. Maybe. He'd hit the wall behind her but not, like, hard. She thinks about it. It's really hard to lift even the non-pinned arm. Maybe she couldn't.

"Stop being stupid," she tells him instead, sounding normal and not at all desperate. "This is nothing."

"It is- v-very much- not nothing."

"This can't be enough to stop me. It isn't! I'm better than this!"

"Get up, th-then!" he challenges.

"I'm not a fucking tranq'd animal!"

He yells wordlessly at her, she shouts back, until they're both panting.

She shoves him again, no real force behind it this time. This is such a waste of fucking time, when he damn well knows they never have enough of it. "I need to get up. You need me out there, you know that."

"Go to hell."

Now tears are welling in her eyes. She's screaming at herself, internally, but for some stupid reason it's not translating into more strength. "We're wasting time, here. I'm ready to go, I can move, I can work. Let me up."

He flops over, into a less aggressive pin, but not actually a less effective one. Their faces are almost touching, which was maybe the idea. "One more try," he says, again.

His damn stubbornness is another thing that she likes more when it isn't being used on her. This is not a fight she is going to win.

"If I fall asleep," she says reluctantly, "and you're not there when I wake up, I'm going to fucking kill you."

That gets a laugh out of him. "M'not going anywhere, Vi."

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BBP, thank you for your level-headed take on the hate. That said, could you help a bit more on how to dealing with the overwhelming hate? My timeline was fairly clean, but I was on reddit where there was a very one-sided vitriol towards Jimin and about his singing. So I tried to report on different platforms and my exposure to these vile accusations and sexually charged hate speech made me really sad. Idk how you've been able to report and deplatform some of the most awful bunch in the past. How do you not get emotionally drained? I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt, which I know is not a good approach. I wanted to enjoy this comeback wholeheartedly, but I now feel a heavy weight in my heart. I also know that Jimin is a perfectionist and very hard on himself, I hope that he isn't beating himself up too much. He is a phenomenal artist, and I hope the recency bias doesn't get to him too much. If this is what (probably nowhere near the magnitude given the severity and size of army fandom at the time) army+bts went through in 2016-2018, then I can't commend the perseverance and strength of them enough. It's really incredible, and makes me feel better and want to do better. It's equal sign & letter time, I guess. Regardless, your advice would be much appreciated.

*

Ask 2: Lool Jimin is an embarrassment >..< Armys act high and mighty pretending you don't see that sorry excuse for an idol getting dragged all over Twitter lmfao lmfao >..< I wonder what you're going to say now BPP how will you spin it >..< Or are you going to defend his encore bleating?? Jimboy is my bias in BTS >..< you know why BPP? Bcos he can't lie Your boys tried pretending they're singers oh they tried hardddd but Jimin didn't get the memo!! I thought it will be Namjoon to fuck up first in solos given how sex obsessed he is but he pulled through lucky you BPP. Not lucky j-hope flopped >..< but Armys pretended he didn't. Jimin is where all the pretense dies. In solo era your dozens can't hide BPP and no amount of mass buying will change it. Thanks to Jimin the whole world knows BTS is a fraud >..< One day the whole tower of cards will come falling down. Your sick cult fandom will be exposed and your emperor will have no clothes. You know it no wonder you're miserable harassing bloggers here. Do you think people don't notice? How you steal from people here? Your favs are just like you.

Stop harassing bloggers here. You're not satisfied to run them off the app? Go back to the gutter you crawled out of and take your disgusting privileged dozens with you. Nobody will notice and there will be peace.

*

Ask 3: Ngl Bpp, but the success Face is getting in countries like Japan and UK really surprises me. I mean I was expecting him to do numbers but I didn’t expect it to do this well? Specially after all the stuff that’s been happening left and right. I know he’s Jimin and the maknaes in general are expected to do really well because they’re super popular and have tons of solos on top of that too but still. I’m not knocking on Face at all because it’s definitely my top 2 debuts but I guess you’re right that Jimin did unleash something that he hides away deliberately…

I’m expecting even more for Jungkook too especially if he goes more poppy. For Tae I think it will do just as well as Jimins, less maybe if he goes the jazzy, slow type that he’s done but I think he’ll do better in Korea if that’s the case. I’m really curious what those two are planning because they’ve been working on their solos for years now and have scrapped a ton of songs already. I wonder if they’ll flip the expectations too like Jimin did.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 1, the second ask in this post is here for your benefit. Normally when I get asks like that, I delete them. I don't get the really creepy ones anymore because escalating the issue to Tumblr each time got the creepy users permanently banned from the platform. The asks I end up keeping now are the ones that occasionally make me chuckle, like Ask 2. I just thought (and still think) it was so odd but quaint to say "Jimboy". Lol. As though Jimin's name is Jimmy... and like it's 2023, who actually says "Jimboy"? Also, "the emperor will have no clothes"?? I know what that means but it was so random I actually laughed reading it. It's also the most recent hate ask so I didn't have to scroll that far to get it lol.

What did you feel reading that ask? Annoyance? Anger? Confusion? Amusement? Bewilderment? Hate? Now, has anything changed in the last few minutes, in the real world, since the time you read that opinion and now? Actually, who even is this person saying it? They can't be anybody worth listening to if what they're saying isn't based in fact to begin with, can they? Until now I've never actually sat down to think this out, but that's basically the chain of questions that shoots down my mind in a split second when I see things like Ask 2. In fact my only takeaway from that ask is it's a shame its author is a bit insane, because I actually like their sense of humor. I mean, "Jimboy"? Really?

My point in saying this is, your personality will always impact how you approach hate, and this is something I didn't fully appreciate until recently. My personality is such that exposure therapy really does work on me - I've been into this for so long that few things are genuinely surprising (which is one reason I appreciate BTS/HYBE because that SM fiasco? Lol! Was left-field grade A entertainment. 10 years on and they still impact this system like new blood). Anyway, a lot of the talking points and insults get old. Like I know that in 2026 we'll be answering these exact same questions when a new wave of fans join the fandom, because this has happened every 2 - 3 years since 2013. When I first started actively writing on this blog, it was around the time Jimin was in a controversy related to missed insurance payments I think. There was a lot of hate and at first I'd respond to asks by pointing out how this will hardly impact Jimin in the real world, how Jimin hardly comes online anyway, how the people who write things like that are weird and miserable, how they're essentially binary code... I didn't appreciate that some people need more to understand what's happening because the scale and pervasiveness of hate in k-pop, whether in shippers, solos, ARMYs, or k-pop stans, is frankly senseless. So, I'll say a few more things if you don't mind.

Specifically on how to deal will hate towards Jimin or idols you like:

This might be weird to say, but one thing I consider very important is to remember what you are. You're a fan. That's it. Your scope of effective change is mostly beneficial when compounded with other fans' efforts. And even then, Jimin is his own person, a person strong enough to thrive in an environment as caustic as this, surrounded by people he loves and people who love him. So I get it when you say things like, "I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt," but at the same time, it will be easier to detach and gain perspective when you remember what you are in this situation, a fan. And so is that person hating him. It's okay to just step back, log off, and go do something else if you're not in the mood to respond to them clearly, or to just report and block (recommended). Jimin is more than fine. Obviously. He already hears how much of a respected artist he is from his bandmates, their staff, talkshow hosts, interviewers, and designers, and what I suspect he'd like to see more is the response from his fans. So if you like what you're hearing, express that however you like. Just doing that is powerful and amazing. And going by that meme dance (the one JK too did), that Jimin posted on Instagram, maybe Jimin will notice how you express your love for his work. I'm writing all this to show it's not merely cliché to say focus on the music, it really just makes sense.

Anon in ask 3, thanks for providing a good segue into showing one of the best ways to deal with criticism IMO: actually listen to the music and support the artist. You were mad, amused, or both, reading Ask 2 weren't you? It didn't seem rational to you at all, did it? Responding to posts like that Anon's will take time away from you enjoying or assessing what Jimin has released, so it only makes sense to just focus on Jimin and support him harder. That's what ARMYs and his other fans did for him the last two weeks, and that's what they'll do again for Yoongi's D-Day release.

[ Your surprise at Jimin doing so well though lol... Jimin released the album of the year, ended k-pop, and owned every live performance, and you're surprised the fandom rallied for him and the world loved his work? Come now. ]

Speaking of D-Day's release and ARMY support, Taehyung and Jung Kook's debut will be so chaotic for the fandom oh lawd. I almost don't want to be here for it, but I also don't want to miss it because theirs could be the biggest debuts in the group and I honestly like Taekook's music so far. Both Tae and JK have made pop tunes so I assume they'll have a mix of pop, R&B, jazz, and/or hip hop in their albums. Let's pray Jungkook was thoroughly inspired by Jimin in Set Me Free Pt 2 and we get nasty rapper JK in JJK1, or a feature with one. We know Jungkook will be dancing hard in at least one MV too...

Besides that I have no expectations for Tae and JK. They'll both do very well.

*

Anon in ask 1, hate is something you'll only see more of unfortunately the longer you spend time in k-pop circles online, especially if BTS remains at the top of the hierarchy for a lot longer. I think whatever impact that will have on BTS will be insignificant so long as each member keeps making art. I could be wrong but that's also an outcome outside of our control, so why fret about it. Also, I personally enjoy a good debate and don't mind seeing critiques often because sometimes you learn something new, so I'd encourage you to remain in the spaces you're in, but it's also okay to curate your feed or block spaces that are clearly toxic to you. It takes a few tweaks but it's possible to curate a fan space online that's fun and helpful/informative to you as a fan. My $0.02: if that's what you want though, don't open a Tumblr account and turn on the Anon feature. Lol. A lot of people are just weird.

[castlebyersafterdark]

It’s so intriguing how Joseph Quinn entered ST for one season and already has a burgeoning career way stronger than any of the actors who’ve been here for a decade (he’s in a quiet place, the fantastic four, gladiator II, a major alex garland A24 war film, a major elevated horror film, and more to come). It’s like damn, where’s this energy for any of the other cast members? agents, please step up 😤

especially noah’s agent. noah should’ve landed roles post ST2 just like finn did early on

Oh gosh I forgot about that man but yeah, he seems to be popping OFF with big roles. Marvel lead???? Wild. I never could have predicted that one but good for him. I know that Stranger Things has really long filming demands but others have managed to do big roles as well. Not gonna pretend I know that much about the intricacies of all their filming decisions, but it's certainly interesting. I really don't know why Noah wasn't in more (better) stuff in conjunction with ST but maybe it's what his family decided?

now this is all interesting because i agree with vinny about noah's post-ST career. ST is something of a bubble; did you see that parody where it was called 'the worlds favourite TV show every three years' ? basically, most people - the industry peeps who make things happen and the viewing public - forget about the show until a new season comes out. its a cultural phenomenon rather than a stalwart, and i think it's going to continue to generate a loyal fanbase for decades to come, much like nerd classics like star trek. i can totally see this cast coming back again and again for reunion cons but not necessarily having varied, successful careers.

i think they are great actors in ST, but something about the ensemble cast and the magic of the show is what works for me. everything i've seen anyone do outside of ST has been disappointing tbh. i thought finn had quiet beauty in Saving the World, but if I saw that and didnt know who he was, I probably wouldnt think he was a giant star or follow his career. The youngest actors especially, in s1 and s2 they threw so much of themselves into the roles that I believe these characters now belong to them, are part of them. (Imagine: it's 2050, and Stranger Things is being rebooted. I can see Finn and Noah coming back for cameo roles, Mr Clarke or something, and old fans going wild.)

But I don't feel that way with B characters like Eddie/Joe Quinn. You have to consider that he was hella charismatic and is considered a good actor, period, not just within the show: he's a seasoned british theatre actor with roots in the biz. he's sort of like what jonathan bailey is to bridgerton, getting all the roles despite his castmates being super talented too. it speaks volumes about the kind of characters that the general public want to see + that the industry is willing to write. we've seen the steddie fandom here: joe has one hell of a demographic lapping up his stuff, and he's riding a fame wave of hot white twenty-something male, similar to Paul Mescal... and considering how fast pop culture/hollywood moves these days, I wouldnt be surprised if he too fades away after a few years of great success (like J. Law). He could also fuck it up with one wrong comment and get cancelled within the year lol. It's just so hard to predict.

but vinny was probably right on with noah being young - child stars rarely expand beyond one franchise/film while theyre that small due to legal filming limits and school commitments etc, and because theres so few child roles in hollywood. so comparing a young noah's talent and career with joe quinn's, who was an adult when he joined ST, doesnt really make sense.

+ this isnt really on topic but i personally would prefer them to fade and be happy and healthy than grind away and become jaded by the industry or have many flops. i already think finn worked too hard as a teen and has basically developmentally lived his twenties before his teen years, and is now sort of going back to that teen mindset and experimenting with music and chilling and doing things a teen should. when he said he had abandoned his career goals to focus on personal ones like 'being comfortable in my own skin', i rejoiced and also cursed the whole fame thing for just being so fucked up. his goal is to be 'a happy and healthy older person' - i mean, that made me cry dude. the implications and subtext of that statement! and people are out here thinking they should all be happy and fine cos theyre rich and have fancy cars and all these fans. like, tell me you don't know anything about what it means to be human. 🙄

Excellent points and discussions, all very real. Agreed. Thank you !! ❤️❤️

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

I'm gonna need the current animation-twitter-blogosphere-youtube-content-mill to understand something... Or at least, listen for a bit. I'm no expert, but as someone who has watched box office - particularly animation box office - for nearly two decades now, I wanna talk about what's going on with a lot of animated features nowadays in a post-outbreak world that's still actually dealing with COVID-19.

Box office, the way Hollywood measures it, is already archaic beyond belief at this point. Success and the movie's justification for existence being determined by a thing's opening weekend and not the legs, the longevity beyond theaters, etc. etc. It's created this weird culture of deeming things "flops" and also creating this weird obsession with marketing.

And apparently more than one of the YouTube Toon Opinion Industrial Complex content mills are already calling a movie like MIGRATION, which is currently legging it up in a way that Illumination's SING movies did during the holiday frame in their respective release years, a money-loser... Like, pump the brakes, will ya?

I don't care if it's clickbait or whatever, like, c'mon... We're reducing the hard work of animators and filmmakers to how much the movie makes in its first weeks of existence.

The way I see it, we're in an era now where...

Theater trips are goddamn expensive and are kind of a gamble. Over $50-70 for a family to see a movie, with concessions added, and your experience may SUCK. (Take it from me, 8-year movie theater employee and loooong-time moviegoer here who has had plenty a shit experience.) It's a gamble each and every time.

And the same applies to maybe a friend group, or a dating couple, or even older adults looking to watch something.

So, either the movie has to be something audiences are familiar with AND know what they're going to get out of it (i.e. MARIO, certain Marvel movies, etc.), or it's lucky to hit audiences in the right place at the right time (OPPENHEIMER, etc.) and luckily tap into the zeitgeist- if not change the zeitgeist singlehandedly.

Box office alone is a gamble. When you start a movie 4 years before release, how the hell do you know what the world is going to look like by the time the thing is completed?

I'm repeating myself, like a broken mp3, I know I know.

But, that's how I see it... Thus, animated family movies and their usual family audiences are in a unique position at the moment. A pretty solid-looking, more original animated family film from Pixar or DreamWorks or Sony had more chances of opening with $40m than they do now. Say, a movie that's not based on a pre-existing IP or is based on one that was never before adapted into a movie or TV series (think something like THE BAD GUYS).

Of course, you have your MARIOs and SPIDER-VERSEs. Those were guaranteed big openers. Films like ELEMENTAL and MIGRATION weren't so clear-cut. Even TROLLS 3 opened fine-ish, significantly below what TROLLS took in some 7 years ago. PUSS IN BOOTS 2 was hampered by bad weather on the East Coast, yeah, but its opening wasn't going to be anything special either. Legs... Or wings in MIGRATION's case, cat claws in PUSS's case... Make all the difference.

They always have, actually. Animated family features usually relied on strong word-of-mouth if they had some kind of adult appeal. It's something similar to what Walt Disney had once "realized" in the late 1950s. Something to the tune of "If the film really appealed to mom... Then mom takes the whole family... And then tells all her friends, and they go, and everyone goes."

So I feel we're in an era where the success of an animated feature can NOT be determined too early. Remember how ELEMENTAL was written off as a big ol' flop, immediately? And that Pixar was toast? And that they needed to bring the Hawaiian shirt pervert control freak back in order to get a box office hit again?

Weeks later, everyone was singing a different tune. ELEMENTAL was an underdog, it had a "comeback" story. No folks, that's just classic animation legs. People liked the movie after hearing from the few people who saw it... That it was actually worth checking out.

But these films need the legs more than ever before, now. Especially in a competitive marketplace where stuff is coming out every week, and there's always something just as good at home to put on. (Some people are trying to suggest that Netflix's LEO cut into Disney's WISH... Because it's at home, right there, no overpriced snacks or disruptive strangers next to you.)

Luckily, TROLLS 3 and MIGRATION were lower with their budgets. Cost in the sub-$100m regions, weren't required to make half a billion like the $200m-costing ELEMENTAL and WISH were expected to do. Which is kinda unfair to begin with, but I digress. Pixar is sure to blow $175m+ on their future features, and WDAS too, while DreamWorks, Illumination, and Sony try to keep it below $100m. Even if it's through dubious means, like outsourcing and shitty pay.

So, nowadays with animated family movies, it's a waiting game. MIGRATION, as of now, is currently at $77m domestically. That's already 6.4x its opening weekend, a fantastic multiplier for any film. By the time it wraps up, it'll likely make over 8x its opening weekend, landing amongst the biggest multipliers for a post-90s animated feature. That Christmas-to-winter break-to-boredom season slot does wonders, doesn't it? And of course, the movie being liked by those who saw it. WISH could've been a leggy Thanksgiving/Christmas movie - like TANGLED and FROZEN and MOANA were, but audiences clearly weren't digging it much.

Of course, it's not easy to do that, either. Sometimes a thing just won't land. LIGHTYEAR, for example. That's also part of the gamble. More often than not, though, these kinds of movies usually get a good audience grade, MIGRATION's no different... So, it's leggin' it up, winging it.

Which is why we should maybe... Wait a few weeks on these kinds of things? I know these "content creators" have bills to pay and have to crank-crank-crank stuff out, but still-

[thesinglesjukebox]

LIL NAS X - "J CHRIST"

You know who ELSE hit 'em with something vi-i-ral? (No, not us. Yet.)

4.44

Nortey Dowuona: Mark 8:30: Jesus warned them not to tell anyone about him. Todrick Hall, who slowly built up a career from performing on cruises like the Royal Caribbean and at amusement parks, went on an extensive press run to promote his Wizard of Oz themed album in 2017 and spoke about himself as a figure who could inspire young gay black boys like him. And to this day, I have never seen critical engagement with his work in any of the spaces I read criticism -- in fact, on this very website, he's been used as an example of pandering! Lil Nas X is in the same predicament. He's now pandering by reminiscing on his old glories of causing controversy: a tweeter who needs to stick to Twitter/Bluesky/Mastodon/his mama named him Twitter imma call him Twitter; a forgotten controversy of 2021 who had a song with NBA YoungBoy that even NBA's core fans don't remember; the token rapper for people who have rightly sworn off most of rap despite being a pop singer. He no longer has the grace of being given a chance to try for the pop career he so desperately wanted -- he is now already a relic. And the strange off-key pulsing added by Gestaffelstein, who previously handed KaYYCYY a grace period of Kanye-buoyed attention that evaporated when he demanded his due credit and had The Weeknd doing his best to sully their names by failing to properly dom, does not make their analog-first techniques more of a winner with a less abandoned or embarrassing figure. It Was Written, the sophomore album for Big Nas, was planned to be a hard street record with Marley Marl, but he kept putting it off, not heading out to meet, not finishing songs, hearing them on the real in the world, which led to him instead getting Steve Stoute and the Trackmasters to make him shiny pop rap that could sell. Every choice Big Nas has made has followed this format. The hopeful reading of this little anecdote is that Lil Nas will, after the flop of "J Christ" and having to apologize for the pointless, homophobic backlash, change tack and not hit us with something viral, but hit us with something good.  [4]

Leah Isobel: The Lil Nas X backlash was inevitable. I wasn't big on Montero, but that album's promotional cycle did an admirable job of balancing big thematic ideas with controversy-generating stunts and sticky, immediate hooks; watching that shit happen was like watching someone tightrope walk over a lion's den. It was impossible to believe that he was doing it, and yet there he was, the "Wranglers on my boooooty" guy, parlaying Twitter standom into actual stardom. But stans are able to weaponize anonymity in order to judge without being judged (by others, at least) in return. After earning two #1s off the same album, Lil Nas definitively lost any freedom from judgment, while still using stan tactics -- hyperbole, irony, detachment, camp -- to deliver serious ideas. The public is thus split into those who don't understand his language and think his provocations are dangerous and empty (conservative Twitter), and those who do understand his language and think his provocations are boring and empty (gay Twitter). What "J Christ" indicates is that both camps are wrong. The return to "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)"'s religious iconography indicates an artistic interest in interrogating who is allowed exaltation and why; the return to "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)"'s terse, two-chord harshness and yell-sung hooks indicates an artistic palette. While I'm sure Lil Nas X knows that titling a song "J Christ" after releasing a video where he gives Satan a lap dance will cause outrage for some and eyerolls for others, I don't think he's aiming to be provocative at all, but rather to reestablish himself as an actual musician instead of a random Barb with a record deal. I hope it works out for him! The song is okay. [5]

Ian Mathers: If you were wondering whether any of us here at TSJ would need a reminder that some people may, in fact, consider this song/video offensive, I'm happy to admit to it. Not going to get into an essay on which types of references to ol' oily Josh are considered appropriate and which aren't, but certainly in the comments you can see a fair bit of motivated reasoning at work. Anyway, once again counting my blessings in terms of not having any particular baggage there, I can just appreciate that Lil Nas X continues to keep his singles compact and catchy as hell. I imagine the meta/self-aware level hits better if you like the rest of the song, too. [8]

Rachel Saywitz: Like the son of god himself, Lil Nas X is back with a not-so-VIYEEYIYEEROAAALLL mid-tier track. There’s a bit of heft to the beat that I don’t mind, but little else to grab my attention, and the verses are pretty atrocious—you can’t just make up rhymes like “eizz-ight” and “wiz-ay” without any lyrical payoff! A lot has been said about whether Lil Nas X is just milking his past reputation as an attention seeker, sacrificing quality artistry with cheap shock value. The thing is, quality artistry hasn’t exactly been his best trait, but “J Christ” and its video aren't even delivering shock value—they hint at virality but don’t actually do anything to achieve it. Also, I won’t take points off for biblical inaccuracy, but let’s be honest—most of the “celebrities” featured in the music video are not going to heaven. +1 for the much-improved choreo though! [5]

Jacob Satter: The returns on the Lil Nas X project continue to outpace expectations at near Oppy levels. Who among us in 2020 expected this kid to be even slightly relevant in the post-COVID radio landscape? Yet here we are, in a world where Montero gets two million spins a day riding a riff a beginner piano student can play with one finger. The pearl-clutcher of a video obviously represents most of the viral appeal; remove the provocative imagery and you're left with little more than a thudding bounce and a nasal whinny. But I like a thudding bounce and a nasal whinny! [6]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Bitch, be humble.  [4]

Dave Moore: I will always root for Lil Nas X -- I think "Old Town Road" was world-changing, and the follow-ups showed charm and occasional brilliance. He's very good at internet. But I wonder if for all his savvy he fundamentally doesn't really know what he's doing? Here he's riffing over a "Humble"-type beat, and it's just a mess, not to say bad (he's never been bad). But I'll give him a pass, now and maybe forever. You do you, friend.  [6]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: “Humble” already sounded dated by the time it came out, so it is fascinating to hear a track that—seven years on—makes it sound like it actually aged well. [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Sort of a reverse Streisand Effect at work here – the more he tries to give us something "viral" (geriatric phrasing, btw) the worse he is at achieving that goal. This is not just a step down from his hits but from his misses, too; the last time he tried this follow-up hit shtick he at least got Tay Keith & Take A Daytrip to produce, not Gesaffelstein doing a middling 2018 Tay Keith impression. The raps are uninspired, but they've never been too inspired – what really recedes here are all of the trappings, both musical and cultural, that allowed his 2021 run to succeed in spite of his limitations. At least give us a hook! [3]

Mark Sinker: It’s not even like I’d know if something actually was viral-as-success these days — who does know this? how do we now agree on this? — but there’s something just a bit too smug about the claim, which the jigsaw of the languid here-I-am elements of his voice and and then the beep-boop grind of the close don’t actually dispel. V-i-i-i-i-ral. Don’t say this.  [5]

Andrew Karpan: I’ve always had the somewhat contrarian opinion that Lil Nas X is actually out there making music that is interesting and moving on its own terms, which is probably why I can’t relate to the criticism that he’s now simply trying too hard. “J Christ” is a song of pure pop star resentment, a refusal to engage that comes off as slight and inauthentic but nonetheless feels like the point of the larger Nas X proposition. Similarly, the riff on Mike Will’s “HUMBLE.” beat feels strangely inspired, like a carrying on of a conversation about rejecting the demands of a certain kind of performance.  [7]

Katherine St. Asaph: Critics seem reluctant to consider Lil Nas X as a pop star rather than a living meme. Yes, Lil Nas X also seems a little reluctant to do so, but it's remarkable how much of the critical reception of "J Christ" treads the same topical ground as SatanicPanicTok. Isn't part of what distinguishes a music critic from a tabloid aggregator an openness to musical technique and a determination to be trolled less? Is this a delayed backlash to the pop conversation getting crashed by former Twitter stans? (If so, be realistic about where the next generation of pop stars will be coming from.) Is Lil Nas X just that good at trolling? Because he's not that bad at being a pop star. "J Christ" was produced with Black Skinhead's Gesaffelstein -- once the subject of glowing profiles about "[rejecting] bullshit and [pushing] his artistic vision forward," subsequent bullshit notwithstanding -- and has at least as expensive-sounding a sound as, say, Doja Cat. The song not only has a hook, but almost exactly the same hook as "Old Town Road," just sped up and sproingified. If anything, people should be calling this a retread! Speaking of retreads, as for the much maligned "viral" line: Kendrick Lamar's "HUMBLE," which this very much bites, contains the oft-quoted (and, unless I'm misremembering, not much maligned) line "my left stroke just went viral." It is at least somewhat plausible that Montero is deliberately referencing it, as Eminem did before him. (Then again, Lil Nas X made a TikTok exhaustively detailing every reference in "J Christ," and that isn't on it -- but then again, the TikTok only covers the video, perhaps out of a suspicion that video parodies are less likely to draw the expensive ire of the Marvin Gaye estates of the world than musical ones; and also he might be trolling.) And I like the beat. I like the hooks (but would like them out of my head at some point soon). I like the magisterial costumes and the choreography, forgiving quick cuts and all -- if Tate McRae can get plaudits for her very mid choreo, surely this should be in the conversation too? I like how Lil Nas X comes off as his own sports announcer on a stream that's 1 second behind -- is he gonna hit 'em with the high note? (Though the high note could use some more hit; it's not exactly a Mike Breen bang.) I liked Lady Gaga's "Judas," too. As a standalone song. [6]

Tim de Reuse: I am going to exclusively talk about the hook in this blurb. Fourteen notes: EDEDEDEDEDEDCA. Bouncing up and down, a nauseating ricochet, and then resolving, over and over again, slamming itself into a dour minor chord over and over. The little B-flat in the bassline adds a horrible sickly color that clashes with the playground-chant melody, giving it absolutely no foothold in the rest of the song. The effect is discomfort: the melodic equivalent of not being able to get comfortable in bed no matter how many times you turn yourself over. It is audacious in its anti-hook properties. It sounds like it desperately does not want to get stuck in your head. Indeed, the only thing I will remember about this song is how pitifully average a pitch that "high-igh" note is. [1]

Alfred Soto: The most conventional track on which Lil Nas X has ever rapped, "J Christ" demonstrates that should he have released it in 2017 it might still have crossed over. Those high notes sound like no one else's, and when he croons it still rocks me on my heels. I wouldn't want more tracks like "J Christ," but he's going for brand preservation here. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: "I don't know which will go first – rock 'n' roll or Christianity." The long arm of pop history has so elevated John Lennon's "more popular than Jesus" remark that its surrounding context has fallen into obscurity, even though the quoted sentence is the one that first made it onto a U.S. magazine cover. The full quote drives home that Lennon, more than questions of theology, was consumed with the idea of longevity – if a modest Nazarene carpenter had managed to forge an unbroken chain of recognition and influence for nearly two millennia, would the same be true of the boys who sang "Can't Buy Me Love"? In the decades after the Beatles broke up, there was Jesus Christ Superstar and Life of Brian, and "Like a Prayer" and South Park, and by 2013, the shock factor of Lennon's remark had worn off to the point that the title of Kanye West's Yeezus was one of the least controversial things about it. He released a song titled "I Am a God," listing "God" as a featured artist, and all anyone wanted to talk about was the damn croissants! So what exactly is the problem with Lil Nas X baptizing himself in the same secularized Gospel as countless creatives before him? Well, mainly it's because "J Christ" isn't actually doing that. In fact, it very purposefully isn't doing much at all other than serving as a skeletal blueprint for a self-directed music video (which, in full disclosure, I deliberately avoided watching until after this blurb was published). The song's title is not in reference to a creative resurrection, which is nowhere in evidence anyway, but instead to the fact that the world had gone 15 months without hearing any new Lil Nas X music. 15 whole months! Does that even qualify as a hiatus, much less one that's worthy of analogy to the Pascal mystery? Similarly, the awkward truncation of the Messiah's name is neither a targeted act of blasphemy nor a veiled assertion of His divinity – it's something that had to happen in order for "get the gays hype" to work. No doubt this particular juxtaposition was intentional, but as braggadocio it falls flat, because in 2024 there is no pop star on the planet who is incapable of getting at least some cohort of gays hype. As outrage bait, though, it checks the box, in an "I have read the terms and conditions" sort of way. More than anything, and in spite of its striving, surface-level brashness, "J Christ" sadly diminishes Lil Nas X into a smaller and pettier-seeming figure than ever before. While Lennon and Kanye were insecure about how their earthly legacies would measure up to the Greatest Story Ever Told, Lil Nas X seems primarily worried about how long his face will stay up on YouTube's trending page. He shrinks underneath the shadows of past provocateurs, wanting to be Kanye without wanting to be Kanye, borrowing Gesaffelstein as if expecting a yassified "Black Skinhead," then somehow not telling him to start over when he serves up this bloodless "HUMBLE." rehash. He tries to act as his own paparazzi, asking the questions he would like us to ask of him, in the same way anxious teenagers used to write anonymous questions to themselves on Tumblr. And he forgets the cardinal rule that if you mention Mariah and "high note" in the same song, you damn well better bless us with an actual, no-holds-barred high note attempt. "J Christ" is two-and-half minutes of evasion, self-negation, and fretful, aimless gesturing, all united under the theme of "except not really." It's politically motivated heresy, except not really; irreverent self-parody, except not really; a bid for hip hop royalty, except not really. A rebirth, yes, if regression counts. [0]

Will Adams: In fairness, it's hilarious to imagine if the actual second coming of Jesus Christ looked like this: reliant on old tricks, superficially flashy, nothing much to say. [4]

Edward Okulicz: "J Christ" has the sound of an artist who's looking in the rear-view mirror at his improbable peaks behind him as he drives, while simultaneously trying to draw them on a canvas. Lil Nas X excelled as a practitioner of épater, but I think the world must be so used to that that it feels like it wouldn't even have been shocking in 2004, let alone 2024. Basically, a victim of his own unapologetically ambitious, queer, ludicrous success. Maybe there's nowhere left to go? [3]

Thomas Inskeep: I suspect the harshest review one could give LNX is also the most accurate one for "J Christ": basic. [4]

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