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pucksandpower · 3 months

Text

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

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maehemthemisfit · 2 years

Note

all i can think about is cutting my finger on one of those goofy ass books and accidentally summoning a kazutora demon.

so like, could u do a scenario for demon kazutora hcs?

Thinking of DEMON KAZUTORA who wants to stay in the overworld bc his world sucks so when you accidentally summon him, he knows you don't know anything about demons, so he's using that to his advantage

DEMON KAZUTORA who doesn't tell you how to send him back so he gets to chill and bother you all day, poking at anything interesting you have and asking you a dozen questions about humans and your interests

DEMON KAZUTORA who can turn into a cat to hide his demon form. He's a bengal breed which basically is a cat that looks like a tiger.

DEMON KAZUTORA who begs you to take him outside so he can see the city, so he clings to the inside of your hoodie, poking his head from your collar to see the world, his fur tickling your chin in the process as he looks around with big curious cat eyes, marveling at any and everything he sees.

DEMON KAZUTORA who never gets summoned, so everything is a new experience for him, so ofc he's overjoyed over the simplest things :(

DEMON KAZUTORA who tastes human food and sweets for the first time and literally cries, hot tears rolling down his face as he clenches his chest, the thought of tasting something so good making his heartache since "He doesn't have this back at home..."

DEMON KAZUTORA who tries desperately to make a contract with you so he wouldn't be forced to leave once his time is up

DEMON KAZUTORA who grows attached to you and your antics so he's helping you around the house. The way his eyes are trained on yours whenever you explain something to him is adorable. He's so focused, eager to make you happy that he did something right.

DEMON KAZUTORA who whines anytime you leave without him, already in kitten form with his teeth holding on for dear life onto the pants you're wearing, attempting to pull you away from the door. He sulks around the house when you do eventually leave, but as soon as he catches a whiff of your scent or hear the sound of your keys, he's already ready to greet you at the door, tail wagging excitedly as he patiently waits, ready to tell you how much he missed you and how bored he was.

DEMON KAZUTORA who's favorite thing to do is watch movies and shows with you. He gets a lot of information from them, but the best part is he gets to cuddle with you

DEMON KAZUTORA who loves when you rub his horns, wings, or his little heart shaped demon tail. You also point out his little fangs which always makes his face heat up. he secretly wants to bite you

You aint hear that from me 🏃🏾‍♀️💨

I swear his tail gives away his emotions. It comically points straight up whenever he's surprised or flustered and curls around himself when he's shy/nervous.

DEMON KAZUTORA who's heart jumps anytime you try to get him so go back where he came from. Screaming words like "Begone demon! depart! goodbye! cut loose! May the power of Christ compel you!" scared when you actually get close to saying the words that would send him back.

DEMON KAZUTORA who sneaks in your bed in cat form, and in your sleepy daze you're fine with that. Then you wake up to his arms wrapped tightly around you, back pressed to his chest, face snug against your neck as his soft breath tickles your skin. UGHHH I NEED THISS PLSSS SHJERHS

DEMON KAZUTORA who sometimes doesn't understand boundaries especially when you're upset with him, so you have to slam the door in his face. He knows he could easily get in if he wanted to, but instead he uses his cat form, tiny paws clawing from under the door, begging to be let in along with many meows and apologies that you eventually cave into 🥺

He's a clingy demon, and god forbid another gets close to you. He'll wrap his arms tightly around you and glare daggers to whoever it is.

DEMON KAZUTORA though he isn't a popular demon, he isn't weak either. So he'll fight a mf if he needed to. He's protective, but not overbearing. He'll be grumpy if you bring another guy home, but he won't bother you, just stare menacingly at the guy in his cat form like >:( and it freaks the fuck out of your guest.

"Uh, your cat is just... he's just staring at me."

"Oh, h-he does that to everyone. Heh... don't mind him." 😐

"Yeah... well i'mma go."

"DAMMIT DEMON!"

slick mf 😒 lucky he cute.

DEMON KAZUTORA who just loves touch and physical affection. Giving and receiving. Back hugs, pecks, head pats, boop his nose and he'll melt. Whatever touch you give him he'll gladly take it.

He also finds ANY REASON to touch you. Having trouble reaching something in a high place? Don't worry, he'll place his hands on your waist and lift you. This throws you tf off an then you get all flustered as he chuckles. He knew he coulda just flew up and got it for you, but this is so much better.

HIS WINGS ARE SENSITIVE BTW.

Touch them, tease them 😈 He's very vocal that way

I HC most demons are cold to the touch, so DEMON KAZUTORA is addicted to your warmth. No matter what the weather is he'll always be ice cold which comes in handy on very hot days and he loves it because you'll cuddle up to him more.

IN CONCLUSION. DEMON KAZUTORA is probably the best demon to be stuck with compared to others. It's his goal to protect you, even if you want him there or not. 10/10 demon buddy

Who should I write next? 😏

A/N: This may or may not be a series

402 notes · View notes

gonnamurdersomeone · 6 months

Text

CoD people as cats? I think so here we go!

Someone better appreciate this I literally took 3 pages from my fucking notebook to write all this shit down

Captain John “Bravo-6” Price

I think John would definitely be an Oriental cat if not that then probably a Burmese. Smart, quick on his feet and pretty loyal seems about right.

Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley

I think Simon would be a Norwegian forest cat or a British Short hair.. for obvious reasons dude is a fuckin Brit through and through. I chose NFC becuase they are bigger types of cats and used to harsh climates

Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

For Gaz I chose an Abyssinian cat, they are pretty, usually have pretty eyes (like him) and are pretty smart and playful. Very Gaz coded

Sergeant Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

Johnny boy would be a Scottish Fold or a Siamese cat. They are very vocal, love people and are just a joy to be around honestly. Plus they suffer from pretty boy syndrome so… yeah

Sergeant Gary “Roach” Sanderson

Gary my baby boy, I chose an OciCat cause of his name it’s so random? I thought him being a more exotic and weird cat would fit his aesthetic. Very pretty cats too!

General Hershel Shepherd

Fucking hell I hate this dude and for that I gave him a Sphynx cat, they are mean, bald and bossy as fuck. Sound about right for mister Shepherd no?

I want to kill him

Kate “Watcher-1” Laswell

Kate one of my favorites! She would definitely be an American Curl. Very pretty cats with a unique personality and it just fits her. That or a Bombay cat I couldn’t choose

Nikolai “Gaz fell out of the helicopter again”

Nik our lovable transportation buddy, of course he would get a Russian blue there is no need to elaborate here he would be a Russian blue. Very cool cats ngl

Farah “Kilo Actual” Karim

She is so pretty and such a girl boss istg. But I’m giving the Bengal cat or an Ural Rex very curly hair and just very funny kitties, I think it fits her

Alex “Echo 3-1” Keller (Jr Price fr)

Pretty boy gets a pretty cat!!! He gets to be a Manx cat cause of the no tail (and his one leg) nahh jokes aside very pretty kitties for a very pretty boy

Phillip “Shadow-1” Graves

I hate this dude with all my atoms but he’s tolerable compared to Shepherd.. But I gave Graved an American shorthair. One becuase he’s American and two his hairline makes me wanna cry

Vladimir Makarov

I hate you so so much for what you did in MW3… but you are a character so I’m still giving you a cat. If you were a cat my guy I think you’d be an Peterbald or a Karelian cat

Andre “Alpha 2-1” Nolan

Surprisingly not a bad character imo but he could use some more character development! I’m giving him a Korat cat or a Singapura. I wish he got more development in MW3 honestly :/

Alejandro Vargas

Alejandro! Our favorite Mexican man gotta love him and the cowboys. He’s a petty boy as well so I’m giving him a pretty chill and cool cat as well. A color point shorthair, not necessarily a *breed* per day but still he deserves a petty kitty

Rodolfo Parra

Rudy! Another cowboy we love what a gentleman <3 I’m giving him an Egyptian Mau kitty, it has spots and I think Rudy would be a spotted kitty. Very good boy

Valeria “El-Sin-Nombre” Garza

Mommy issues fr love this women. I support women rights AND wrongs 💪 she gets a Donskoy or a Savannah cat. Both wild kitties to match her wild and unpredictable personality I think it fits very well

König

Anxious King gotta love them! For obvious reasons he’s a Maine Coon cat, the biggest house cat there is. For being an absolute UNIT of a man he deserves a very loyal, pretty, and big kitty. God I just wanna smother this man

Kim “Horangi” Hong-jin

Toyger need I say more? It’s a literal house tiger, his name is fucking Tiger he gets to be the tiger damnit! 😤

Darnell “Hutch” Hutcherson

Dunno the rest of these guys very well (besides Nikto) but I’m giving Hutch a Chartreux cat. I wish the more obscure characters got more attention, no they may not be apart of the MW part but still they deserve love

Nikto

I love this man with every fucking atom of my body. My baby boy deserves the best cat in my opinion the Lykoi. Very cool, funny and amazing cats one of the best he’s just a goober I wanna pet him and keep him in my closet away from all the bad things

Mace

Mace heard some things about you here and there and decided I couldn’t leave you behind. You my friend would be an Oriental Longhair dunno why but I think it suits him

Velikan

Idk if this man is even part of the fandom? Either way I’m giving you a cat deal with it. You would be an Highlander cat if not then an Tonkinese kitty.

Keegan P Russ

Oh Keegan my dear boy, you would be a Devon Rex kitty, very smart, mischievous and overall just a joyful cat. You deserve the world my dear

Logan Walker

Ragdoll. You will get a ragdoll take it or leave or my guy. Just know I’m only adding you and everyone else because of Keegan

David “Hesh” walker

Hhhh.. hesh dude idk I’d probably give you a Havanah Brown kitty. Seems like a good fit. Unusual brown kitty for a unusual cool character

Elias T “Scarecrow” Walker

I literally know nothing about you? But I’m still giving you a cat! Uh I think possibly a Javanese cat would fit you my dude.

Alex v “Ajax” Johnson

Same with you like? I have never heard about you either but whatever. I think a Australian Mist or a Khao Manee cat would work

Alright so that’s all the CoD characters I think? I’m not sure if I missed anyone, if I did tell me and I’ll assign them in the comments or whatever.

No I’m not adding the other characters such as Diego or any other unknown Ghost team people or random background people that only have like 2 lines of dialogue or is barely even known within the CoD community.

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atbussysparks · 1 year

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Tf2 merc cat breeds bc I'm stronger than My trazodone:

Spy: purebred chartreux.

Absolutely only accepts certains brands of wet food

Sneaks up on rats and kills them stealthily and successfully, but refuses to eat them. Like Garfield!

I would argue that him killing rats is like killing his own kind (because he's french) and I just found out I'm not at all "France-french" just america french. Thank GOD

Demoman: caracal/domestic shorthair

I just wanted him to be big floppa

Carries around scout like a designer bag bc he likes to collect silly little fellas

Crazyass

Scout: small Bengal/chartreux.

Perfect scout breed. Energetic, playful, cocky, attached to people, jumpy, fast and relatively strong.

Eats radioactive catnip

Embodies every goofy ass cat picture in existence. I'm drawing him as jinx as we speak.

Heavy: Ussuri/ Maine coon

Also kind of collects little guys

Big as hell for no damn reason

In my experience Maine coons are also intelligent and resourceful, but love solving problems by destroying them.

Medic: German rex/Abyssinian

There are barely any German breeds got damn.

Can be mistaken as not harmful but they're balls to the walls

The Abyssinian part is only funny if you read or seen felidae, which you probably shouldn't cuz that shit was weird

engineer: American curl

Short haired, and kinda look like they have goggles on

People oriented, like a Texan, good temper, unlike a Texan, and smarty smort

Unrelated but engi reminds me of Hank hill because of my unrelenting obsessive fascinations and borderline mania over king of the hill.

Pyro: raccoon???

makes occasional noises that can be vaguely interpreted at speech. scout can sometimes understand. Heavy recognizes some noises too, but notices that they make other noises that are not known to this world.

He has no rules, no boundaries, he doesn't flinch at torture, human trafficking, or genocide. He's not loyal to a flag or country or any set of ideals.he trades blood for money.

Soldier: Bombay/pixie bob

Sounds like bombastic, which these breeds are.

MUG ROOT BEER BLOODED AMERICAN

They will yell at you until and order is carried out

Went on a killing spree in Poland. He did what was truly right in the eyes of God, who did not create the polish.

Sniper: American wirehair

Quiet, reserved, calculative. Doesn't bode well with people unless they get to know them quite well. Very skilled hunters.

When they're not being intelligent they piss on stuff and have exactly two braincells that occasionally rub together and form a coherent thought.

There's one that hangs around my mawmaws house and when I pet it that bitch greasy AS FUCK. very much like snoiper!

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agentidiot · 1 month

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks @justhallucinating for the tag 🫡🫡🫡

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

23 atm but i'm planning at posting more

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

129,910 ☠️

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now for peaky blinders but i used to be very deep in the rolling stones and mcu (and i still am just doesn't feel like writing for them)

4. Top five fics by kudos

If There Is A Will, There Is A Way (mcu)

don't feed me, I will сome back (pb)

like real people do (pb)

Don't Forget to Subscribe (mcu fic that i translated to russian like 8 years ago ☠️)

lavender (pb)

5. Do you respond to comments?

YES I LIVE ON THEM AND SCREENSHOT THEM AND LOOK AT THEM FOR MOTIVATION

but i used to be bad at responding tho cuz i was too shy ig

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

love is the death of duty but only because it's an open kinda ending. but i'm your man which is the ongoing fic i just finished and posted 1st chaper of broke my heart when i wrote the ending

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

pretty much all of them, apart from the ones i mentioned have a happy ending

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no which im really happy about

9. Do you write smut?

yes

10. Craziest crossover?

i haven't done any crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no thank god

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but i did

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

kinda if dumping fic info to @justhallucinating counts

14. All time favorite ship?

tommy/alfie and mick/keith. but. hear me out. that's might be controversial. but i'm stony shipper since the first time i saw avengers. i'm a stony shipper til the day i die. also wolfstar but mainly because fics are just too good (fuck jkr btw)

15. What's a wip you want to finish but you doubt you ever will?

i so many but i can only think of two.

the 1st on is about modern tommy and alfie meeting at the margate's beach where alfie sees tommy walking his cat (yes dangerous is a bengal cat in this one) on a leash. also alfie went to margate to rest after chemo and tommy went there cuz his family talked him into taking some rest after he broke his scull.

the 2nd one is tommy and alfie meeting via chess app. and then they meet irl but alfie doesn't realise it cuz he never saw tommy's photos but tommy did. and he decided to not tell alfie that it's him and suffers greatly cuz of it

16. What are your writing strengths?

god idk i wish someone would tell me that. smut comes very easily, dialogs too

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

HAVING. TOO. MANY. WIPS.

also i struggle with not established relationships like how the fuck i supposed to get those idiots together

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i sometimes put russian words in when i write alfie cuz well i know russian, he knows russian, so why not

and i don't mind it if it's in the fic i read until it's not like in the first pages of war and peace which is a crime against humanity. but well i haven't seen fics like that yet

19. First fandom you wrote in?

harry potter ☠️ (FUCK jkr)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

it's either places we came from cuz HELLO? BOTTOM ALFIE TO THE MASSES 2024 or don't feed me, I will come back which is the 1st one from baker!alfie au

that was really fun!! thanks again

tagging: @gimmeaglimmer @rysko

#tag game #if you were tagged before or already did it then it's just a shout out to you <3

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ofdetonation · 2 years

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@resolutepath inquired : 👫 for kiri &/or jirou &/or childe ╱ four headcanons.

It was very bold of you to assume I wouldn’t do ALL of them. I’ll go in order, and put the last two under a read more, just because this is gonna get pretty long!

EIJIROU & KATSUKI :

I . I mentioned this in a starter, but in the twinverse, Keisuke and Kaito get together before Katsuki and Eijirou do and it makes Katsuki SO MAD that he didn’t have the guts to act on his feelings first - because I estimate that he probably didn’t confess his feelings until after the Shie Hassaikai arc, going on a full lecture in one of their rooms because that shit was pretty messed. He should forgive himself a little for not confessing sooner. Even in twinverse, it takes a little bit before Katsuki can accept and lean into his bisexuality, and the Bakusquad (as well as Keisuke) are the ones that really help him through that. As a side note, Katsuki would have taken his liking of Eijirou to the grave in any normal circumstance - but in twinverse, he complains about it to Keisuke. A LOT. Like: “Fuck, I hate him so much.” “Thennn... Maybe you should just tell him?” “Absolutely not. I’m taking this shit to my grave, idiot, oh my fucking god I can’t believe you would suggest that to me.” (And then he doesn’t take it to his grave because SOMEONE had to go and get himself involved in a huge yakuza bust.)

II . Katsuki - despite not being a touchy person in general - is quite tactile, and everything he feels tends to translate into how he does things. This works really well into their relationship because Katsuki’s not always good with his words, so having his actions speak for him benefits them, especially when they need a bit of stability for one reason or another. For example, Katsuki will very quickly engage in his love languages of acts of service + physical touch when Eijirou’s struggling with his self-esteem or anything that might be weighing on him; he’ll offer up his favourite hoodie (knowing damn well he’s not getting it back for a while), ask what Eijirou wants for food, touch up his roots if he needs it, plan out a night in for just the two of them and tell the rest of the Bakusquad to fuck off - hell, Katsuki will do pretty much anything, and if Eijirou feels bad, Katsuki makes it clear that he’s not doing it because he has to. He’s offering. He wants to. Let him use his love languages to show he cares, dammit.

III . Now that my Katsuki gets two cats when he’s out of home, I hope Eijirou knows that both of those cats absolutely adore him - and ESPECIALLY Moriko, his Bengal. That cat will get attached and try to follow Eijirou out of Katsuki’s apartment. She’s probably even succeeded bolting through the open door once, only to saunter on back when Eijirou doesn’t follow along, because he’s very silly and doesn’t realise he has to follow her. (And honestly, if they haven’t moved in together at that point - which would surprise anyone if they haven’t - Katsuki uses Moriko as a half-assed excuse to convince Eijirou to move in with him. Because if you can’t say no to your pretty gremlin boyfriend, you DEFINITELY can’t say no to his pretty gremlin cat.)

IV . Eijirou becomes one of the very few people that bypasses Katsuki’s “do not disturb” status on his phone, which he keeps on... Pretty much all the time. He also picked a specific text tone and ringtone so he would know it was Eijirou. (The text tone is like a little game tune from something they both like, and the ringtone is a song Katsuki just felt was the right fit for Eijirou. You’d be looking at something like “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” by Journey, just for that sweet intro.) This also kind of means he’s more likely to wake up if Eijirou messages him at odd hours of the morning, but he’s not entirely opposed, because he’ll have a look and usually roll back over and go back to sleep - and it probably doesn’t happen every night, so he’s not that bothered by it. It also means that even on the job, he knows when Eijirou’s trying to get in touch with him. And if you think he’s not about to talk to Eijirou while he’s fighting a villain in the middle of his prefecture in their Pro Hero years, think again, because he’s out here talking about what to do for dinner while beating the shit out of some poor, confused villain.

KYOUKA & KATSUKI :

I . I actually think that Katsuki’s passion for playing music kind of fizzled out by the time he entered U.A. because he conquered the drums, but joining the A-Band and spending more time with Kyouka means that he was looking at brand new challenges. After all, it’s a whole other thing to play with other people! And I think that Kyouka is the one who really sparks his desire to play music more often again - which is why Katsuki is quickest to turn to her when he feels up for jamming, and sometimes, he’ll even try and get her to teach him something new on a different instrument. Drums are where it’s at, but learning guitar with Kyouka because “I gotta be good at any of the damned things in case someone’s gotta fill in” is a pretty good excuse for him to hang out with her for longer.

II . If there’s something Kyouka wants but, for whatever reason, can’t seem to get her hands on, Katsuki makes a note of it and does his best to get it for her. Oh, she wants this vinyl record from one of her favourite bands but vinyl’s expensive? Katsuki will get it and give it to her personally. Tickets to a concert that’s coming through town? It might take a while to save, but hey, his parents are pretty generous, and he’ll get two tickets - because oh, you know, he was interested too, he just accidentally got a second and overheard she wanted to go, and he’s not about to waste the second ticket.

III . I think especially after the Joint Training Arc, Katsuki likes to get Kyouka involved in his training - between their Quirks, it’s almost like a “seek and destroy” tactic they can employ, and Katsuki definitely wants to practice this more since he doesn’t usually have someone around to communicate locations of targets quietly. Beyond that, he also wants to help her improve her close-quarters combat. Of course he can step in when he’s there, but when he’s not, he wants to be absolutely certain she has the reflexes and capability to fend off even someone like himself, with a very powerful and up-close Quirk. This is also very lowkey his love language of acts of service seeping through - the training is something that will ultimately make Kyouka’s job as a Hero easier down the track, even if it’s exceptionally hard at the moment, because Katsuki refuses to hold back. He does, at least, remember some healthy snacks and drinks packed with electrolytes for when they finish training together.

IV . Honestly, they probably have a collaborative playlist together on Spotify, just to share music to each other by adding the songs whenever they feel like it. Katsuki usually adds alternative metal with a few outliers: you’ll see songs like “Vandalize” by ONE OK ROCK and “Zombie” by The Cranberries, but also songs like “midsummer sunset” by Quruli and “Ghost” by Au/Ra and Alan Walker. Katsuki always takes the time to listen to any of Kyouka’s additions among his. And, more often than not, those recommendations and additions end up in his other playlists, which he refuses to tell the rest of the Bakusquad just how he found them. (Because that means they’ll discover their joint playlist, and he’s not ready to deal with that.)

TARTAGLIA & KATSUKI :

I . Considering they both have a lot of knowledge in weaponry but have that one weapon they aren’t as proficient at (bow for Childe, polearm for Katsuki), I feel like a good chunk of their sparring sessions end up being practice at the same time. It wouldn’t be surprising if they had sword sparring sessions and that either! Katsuki is always ready to challenge Childe’s battle knowledge, and if he can eventually get the upper hand on the Harbinger and get the bragging rights to beating him at something - even if it’s when Childe doesn’t use his Delusion in their spars - then he’ll go at it with everything he’s got. Plus, it means he keeps his knowledge sharp while he’s away from home. (And in a way, the disastrous constant vaporisation and consequent destruction of everything around them is a little reminder of home, too.)

II . Katsuki is slowly keeping tabs on how many times Childe has gone out of his way to treat him to something. There’s two reasons for it: for one, he’s still acutely aware that while they share an intense rivalry and a brotherly bond at the same time, Childe is still a Harbinger, and Katsuki knows better than to be unaware of anything that could be potential leverage. On the other hand, though, he’s just making sure he knows what he owes. Katsuki doesn’t like being treated to things without exchanging something back. Sometimes it’s Mora that he’s earned from his commissions, sometimes it’s battle knowledge that Childe might not know if he’s never been to certain regions, but beyond these, Katsuki is still trying to find other adequate ways to repay Childe’s kindness. It’s a delicate balance in his mind - there is an intense distrust of Fatui and Harbingers especially, but strip that away, and he does harbour trust in Childe specifically. He’s still trying to figure out where to put the line.

III . If they’re both in the Serenitea Pot, I think Katsuki likes to find a quiet spot to sit with Childe and discuss... Anything and everything. Sure, he lives for the challenge and competition and battle, but the Serenitea Pot puts his mind at ease in a way that he doesn’t experience often outside of it, and it’s a great chance to have a conversation beyond their usual topics. It kind of encourages Katsuki to open up more about who he really is past the adventurer from Natlan. Because of that, being in the Serenitea Pot would be the moment where Katsuki talks more of home and family - and how he’s an only kid, so having Childe around is like having that annoying big brother he never actually had.

IV . Katsuki never really learned to fish because of Natlan’s landscape, and he never got to visit Inazuma to see his extended family before they shut off their borders, so he’d ask Childe to teach him how. He makes the excuse that fish are a perfect source of protein and minerals, and that isn’t entirely wrong - but really, it’s a very quiet reason to spend more time with the Harbinger. Considering how long it can take to get a bite, I think Childe will be able to deduce that reason really quickly.

#resolutepath #/ i spent all night and all arvo on this with my one braincell #💥 ⬦ ゜◝ TONGUE OPERATES FASTER THAN BRAIN. ╱ inq.#💥 ⬦ ゜◝ I’D DEFEND KATSUKI BEFORE MYSELF TBH. ╱ ooc.#💥 ⬦ ゜◝ ARROGANT BOY | CALM LIKE A BOMB. ╱ hc.#💥 ⬦ ゜◝ LOVE’S ALWAYS SINK OR SWIM‚ SO I WON’T SAY IT’S OVER JUST AS IT BEGINS. ╱ bond: resolutepath (kirishima).#💥 ⬦ ゜◝ THIS IS YOUR MOMENT‚ NOW IS YOUR TIME | SO PROVE YOURSELF AND RISE. ╱ bond: resolutepath (childe).#/ will remember to make one for j.irou too bc i love them v much ur honour

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cungader0 · 10 months

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following up my post abt the tf2 mercs and what nfl team they’d root for, i present to you: overwatch characters and the nfl team they’d root for

support

ana: for whatever reason, reinhardt is really into football so she watches it with him on occasion and roots for whomever he’s rooting for

bap: i feel like he’d be really into the spirit and the vibe of the kc chiefs? like, they’re loud and they win a lot and he’d be drawn to the comradeship the fanbase has

brig: she’s partial to any team with a cat mascot! if the bengals, panthers, jags, or lions do well, she’s a happy camper :) also watches the thanksgiving lions game every year w torb and rein

illari: ohhhh i feel like she’d enjoy the chargers, especially since they’ve been doing better as of late. she enjoys the stadium and she loves the colors and the motifs and it’s all just very,,, yes.

kiri: she thinks football is stupid probably but if she absolutely had to pick a team i feel like she’d like the eagles bc boy do they know how to go fuckin apeshit

lucio: he is SOOOOOO a jags fan!!! i think he’d take one look at the chaotic energy of the crowd and the stadium and all its wacky amenities and be like damn!!! looks like a good time!!

mercy: she’s a commanders fan bc that j sounds nice! everyone should just have fun okay <3 lower maintenance fanbase for the win bc it makes her the Least Stressed and she needs a mf break

moira: steelers fan because she’s the worst </3 jkjk i think if she had to pick (and she’d sigh and groan at the question bc it’s stupid does she look like someone who watches espn to you?) she’d pick the ravens

weaver: my man weaver is a fan of a 49ers. i could not tell you why i think this, i just do. it makes sense to me. i feel like their good track record helps this cause lol

zen: oh hes gotta be a bengals fan. friendliest fan base? that’s all u had to say, he’s all in. whodey.

dps

ashe: she’s legally obligated to be a cowboys fan despite her current residence in arizona. she was def born and raised a cowboys fan and runs deep in her psyche to this day

bastion: i’m honestly not even sure he would understand football or the appeal so i’m gonna say he roots for whoever is favored to lose—loves an underdog story!

cassidy: also a cowboys fan! this is purely coincidental though bc apparently the cowboys r just the most popular team in nm so yk. they’re twinning omgg

echo: since echo learned most of her social cues and mannerisms from cole after mina died, echo tends to be partial to whomever cole is partial to

genji: packers, always fights with hanzo over this

hanzo: bears, always fights with genji over this

junk: steelers LMFAO he’d be so into the ratty ass fanbase i can just feel it. he would fit right in

mei: she likes the cardinals because look at the cute little bird! such a lovely mascot, don’t you think?

pharah: JETS BABY ITS ALL ABOUT THE NEW YORK JETS PEW PEW PEW also i just feel like she’d be so at home in new york like no one takes shit from anybody everyone is blunt it’s just perfect for her

reaper: technically he’s a rams fan but you would never know it because he owns no merch but is surprisingly enthusiastic if asked about it (but then again, you’d have to know to ask in the first place)

sojourn: watches the cfl instead, but if forced to pick? maybe the bills? just because of proximity?

soldier: APPARENTLY HES FROM BLOOMINGTON???? which makes him a COLTS FAN????? this is rocking my world oh my god i need to sit down

sombra: i feel like she could be a raiders fan? something something piracy something something hacking something something you get the idea. plus bonus points for being close proximity wise to the southern border

sym: first of all she’d spit on you for even deigning to ask her if she delighted in the rituals of american football, but second of all, she only knows one team and it’s the 49ers just because that’s who weaver would mention offhandedly when they were roommates

torb: he likes the vikings because he thinks they just look really cool and the stadium is neat. he’s a simple guy what can i say.

tracer: okay stick with me here—i think she’d be a dolphins fan. she knows nothing about football but likes the animal mascots and the uniforms and thinks it’s funny to watch the grown men run around in matchy matchy little outfits. doesn’t really care all that much at the end of the day

widow: saints fan because she’s french, but would probably also spit on you if you asked for the same reasons sym would.

tank

dva: she is sooooo a seahawks chick the uniforms are so cute and the team is so cool and it reminds her a lot of the esports teams she’s encountered in her day?? for some reason?? it’s about the vibes tbh

doomfist: he’s a falcons fan i can feel it in my BONES. GOd.

jq: unlike rat she has taste and would never lay eyes on a team like the steelers so she’s a giants fan; would also fit in spectacularly well in new york so there’s bonus points for that :]

orisa: she loves a dedicated fanbase and she thought the mascot was too damn cute and it reminded her of her own dog so she’s a cleveland browns fan. also likes the texans because the mascot looks like her!!!

ram: do i have to say it. do i. (he’s a rams fan).

rein: he is a ride or die man. his team could be absolute dogass for thirty years and he’d still show up to every home game and cheer like no one’s business. he’s gotta be a bengals fan

roadhog: enables rat’s steelers fandom

sigma: he’s a broncos fan because i feel like he’d visit denver and it would remind him of home despite being in the states and he’d acquire some unreasonable lowkey deranged emotional attachment to the city and therefore the team bc he’s just sentimental like that fr

winton: he has the aura of a good, proper raised southern boy and for that i feel like he could be a titans fan? idk. not too sure abt this one but nothing else fits as well

ball: hampter is a buccs fan because he’s a little shit who loves starting shit. what more is there to it?

zarya: she’s got a thing for the patriots bc while tom brady was still doing tom brady she’d look at him and be like HA i could do so much more than this puny man. put me in coach. i will crush the opposition. basically only a fan bc she thinks brady is lame and she would’ve been a better qb for the team LMAO

#posts no one asked for and make sense to maybe two (2) people max: this #andy says shit

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vigilantetendencies · 3 years

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Pspspspsps

Hero with cat powers and a villain who loves cats.

“You have a tail,” he squeaked, eyes so wide that they might have popped out of his head. Bengal stepped backward, glaring.

He was still wearing boxers, but they didn’t exactly have enough room for him to tuck the tail away like his hero suit did.

“Yeah, cat powers. I have cat things. I think we’ve been through this- Don’t come closer!” Bengal pulled out the claws again, stopping Volt as he stepped forward.

Volt and Bengal weren't strangers; Bengal had been a new hire at the hero agency when Volt first began to terrorize the town and thus the two had been pitted against each other from the get go.

They'd battled multiple times, Bengal more often than not failing due to his clumsiness. Volt adored him, however. He adored the quips, Bengal's snarky attitude, and his body was rather nice to look at. Bengal's hero suit was bland and tight, leaving little to Volt's imagination as he threw him and zapped him. How many times had he invited Bengal over now to try and cop a feel?

Invited was perhaps the wrong word- How many times had he tried to force Bengal to come to his lair? And now...He couldn't believe his eyes; There he was, Bengal! The hero!! In his lair!!! What a moment! And Volt was not going to let it go to waste.

"How does it feel to be the very first hero to see my place?" Volt asked, rising from his throne and gesturing grandly.

All he could see with Bengal's annoying helmet being on was his mouth, pulled down into frown.

"Shitty," Bengal responded dully, standing before the throne with his hands bound behind his back. "Can I go home now?"

"Before you've seen the break room and the had martinis in the hot tub? No way!" Bengal stiffened.

"Hot tub?"

"Yeah!" Volt strode up to Bengal and paced around him, cape flowing behind him. He liked to be able to take his time and really inspect Bengal; He really had no idea what his powers were or, honestly, what use he was to the agency at all. That and...maybe he liked to look at his butt.

Just a little.

"No. No way, I'm not having martinis with you and I'm not going in your hot tub." Volt was surprised when Bengal was suddenly free of his binds, narrowly avoiding a punch to his face.

"C'mon, Bengal!" He shot electricity at the hero who dodged and climbed up one of the walls with ease.

"Nope," he called down, climbing until he got to a landing area up above. Volt huffed, not liking his answer, and threw a ball of electricity into part of the landing. Bengal yelped as the floor gave out beneath him and he fell face first onto the ground next to Volt, groaning.

Volt took a moment to mourn the broken balcony, but it would be easy enough to fix. Losing his favorite hero was not his favorite option.

"Your name is Bengal. Shouldn't you like...land on your feet or something?" He asked, squatting down next to the hero and poking his helmet. He ignored Bengal gasping for air (the force of his fall knocking it out of him) in favor of rolling him onto his back. "Why would the agency give you that name if you're this clumsy?"

Bengal swallowed and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I don't know. You're right," he agreed, trying to get to his feet. He got as far as his knees before Volt knocked him backward harshly. The helmet clanged against the floor, jarring slightly and cracking from the earlier impact.

"Here, kitty, kitty~" Volt whispered suddenly, making Bengal look his way- and then his helmet was torn off.

"Oh my god!" Volt held the helmet up as if it were a trophy, looking down at Bengal with a large grin. He could see his face, a nice tan tone to his skin, his hair- black and brown and the strangest patterns in the curly mess.

But what really got him was the ears.

Two large cat ears were standing at attention on his head, green eyes wide and revealing slitted pupils as he began to panic.

"What are you doing!? You are crossing a line-!!" He screeched, scrambling to grab the helmet back. Volt jammed his hand against Bengal's forehead, shoving him back down while his ears flattened.

"You dirty little liar, I knew it!" Bengal withdrew his hand for a moment, fingertips exposed out of the tops of his gloves. Claws protruded from them suddenly, making Volt giddy. "The fingerless gloves make so much more sense now! They were a choice, but at least they were a functional choice!" He didn't register the implication before the claws slashed at him, four scratches on his arm and suit torn. He dropped the helmet in his pain and Bengal shoved him off, rolling over and scrambling to grab the helmet.

He succeeded, though a foot came down on his wrist and pressed into it painfully.

"It's about time!" Volt huffed, cradling his bleeding arm as he looked at the henchman who was pinning Bengal with their foot.

"Apologies, sir."

"Send gauze to my room and take Fluffy to the holding cell."

"You are dead," Bengal promised, glaring at Volt as he walked past them and picked up the helmet. Volt only smirked back at him, waggling his fingers and exiting the room.

"No, I'm the proud new owner of a sweet little kitty cat," Volt corrected gleefully. "And he better behave if he knows what's good for him."

Bengal looked up from his spot on the floor, baring his teeth as the henchmen slapped cuffs on him and picked him up by the back of his hero suit to drag him off.

Bengal escaped, without his helmet, and went straight home with to pout in the bathroom mirror. It was embarrassing being...this. The agency wanted to capitalize on his feline parts but he hated them- His hero suit was designed to hide every part of him that resembled a cat because he asked for it to be that way. If Volt started telling others then what would happen? Calls of, “Here kitty, kitty,” and quips like, “cat got your tongue?” would never end.

Never!

He solemnly sent the agency a request for a new helmet along with the information that his face had been revealed before he climbed into the overly plush bed in his room, curling up and closing his eyes.

The next time he saw Volt he was ready to knock the daylights out of him, still stumbling with nearly every punch.

“So it’s just the ears, huh?” Volt slammed Bengal down, snickering as he watched his slightly feline friend adjust his helmet quickly.

“You’re such an ass hole,” Bengal told him, trying to get to his feet before Volt kicked him in the side.

“I’ll take that as… a no,” Volt decided, watching as Bengal rolled from the force of the impact and hit the tire of a car. He dug into the pocket of his suit, trying to hide something from Bengal as he stood up. He lunged at him, yanking off the helmet and cupping his hand over his face.

Bengal struggled harshly, claws coming out as he grabbed at Volt’s hands and arms, scratching and scratching and scratching and- Something was in Volt’s hand and-...

Bengal slumped in Volt’s arms, eyes half lidded as his tongue lapped against the inside of Volt’s hand.

Catnip.

“Holy shit it worked,” Volt whispered in amazement, beaming as he lowered Bengal to the ground. He was so docile! So...not trying to kill Volt. And as mentioned once before, Volt did not waste opportunities. He gently tangled his fingers into the man’s soft hair, scratching at the base of his ear experimentally and, sure enough, Bengal pressed the side of his head to Volt’s hand.

Then, like something scared him, he perked up and smacked at Volt’s hand, falling onto the ground in an attempt to get away from his touch.

“What is wrong with you!?” He yelled, face redder than last time. He looked at his arms and saw that some of the catnip bits had fallen there and, without hesitation, began to lick them off.

“I reallllllllly like cats,” Volt informed him, looking like a child on Christmas. “I don’t even care about the bomb anymore, the detonation code is 1337, I just-” Volt reached for Bengal’s ears again which only made him hiss and back away, realizing that he was licking himself in front of his nemesis- And anyone could see them here! They weren’t exactly hidden.

“I don’t like you, okay!?” Bengal got to his feet, wobbling a little. “So stop bothering me!”

Bengal grabbed up his helmet and sprinted off, climbing over garbage cans and cars to escape Volt.

“Gauze, sir?” Someone asked over his headset. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think he’d let you down so harshly-”

“Are you kidding? All cats are like that. You just gotta reel them in.” Volt stood and tucked the pouch of catnip back into his suit. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, gauze would be nice.”

There was no fighting today.

He had gotten himself all ready to go, hero suit and new helmet (with locking buckles) on, when he got the message from the agency.

[Bengal, we need to review your employment with us. For the time being you are on suspension. You will be paid for your time, imagine it like a vacation!]

He glared at his phone. A vacation? A vacation that was going to end in his termination, probably.

He threw the helmet onto his bed and moped about the message until he felt about as numb to it as he could feel. He was so distracted being angry at the agency that he didn’t notice the shape outside his window, stripping the tight top of the suit off and stretching before he started peeling off the bottom.

The window opened and he whipped around, hissing at it and letting go of the pants of the suit to use his claws.

“Whoa! Hey, easy!” It was Volt.

Of course.

He slid inside and stood near the window.

“Where have you been!? I didn’t ask to fight Echo, do you know how hard it is to fight a guy who sees, like, everything!?”

“He’s blind,” Bengal deadpanned, and Volt gestured wildly.

“DO YOU SEE WHY THAT’S AN ISSUE FOR ME!? No one told me and-” He huffed.

“Sorry that I was the perfect disappointment,” Bengal muttered, turning around and stripping off the rest of the suit. “The agency is reviewing my employment. Probably because I keep losing to you. So you better get used to Echo, Kuso, and Jumper.”

Volt didn’t respond and Bengal thought for a brief moment that he had crawled back out the window. He turned around and found Volt looking somehow happier than he had over the last few fights.

“You have a tail,” he squeaked, eyes so wide that they might have popped out of his head. Bengal stepped backward, glaring.

He was still wearing boxers, but they didn’t exactly have enough room for him to tuck the tail away like his hero suit did.

“Yeah, cat powers. I have cat things. I think we’ve been through this- Don’t come closer!” Bengal pulled out the claws again, stopping Volt as he stepped forward.

“Can I touch it!?”

“No! No you can’t touch it! Get out of-” Bengal watched Volt dig into the same pocket as last time and hissed loudly. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

Volt grinned and ran at Bengal, ignoring his hisses and screeches while he chased him out of the room and through his apartment.

“Hereeee kitty, kitty!” He chased him to the balcony, watching as Bengal climbed up on it and balanced without issue. “Your tail! That’s why you’re such a grade A klutz!” Volt smacked himself on the head. “Duh! Man, I can’t believe I didn’t think about that!”

“Why do you care!?” Bengal looked honestly upset, and that immediately put Volt off. He lowered his hands.

“What do you-”

“Are you going to go and tell all of the other villains? ‘Just bring catnip and he’ll be distracted long enough for you to kill him,’ or grab my tail and pull and it’ll really fucking hurt-”

“Why would I tell anyone any of that?” Volt raised a brow. “The only thing people talk about is how off balance you are, you know.” Bengal seemed to calm down, crouching on the railing.

“Just..leave,” He muttered, and Volt gestured for Bengal to come down, showing that his hands were free of catnip.

“Walk me out?”

“Fine,” Bengal huffed, slipping off of the railing and walking back to the bedroom. There was a moment where he truly believed that Volt was trying to give him time alone- And then he yanked backwards, Volt sitting on his bed and pulling him into his lap.

“You son of a-” Volt grinned at him as he began to scratch just above Bengal's tail. He held back a delighted squeal as Bengal leaned into him and purred.

"I’m going to kill you," Bengal mumbled into his neck, kneading his fingers into his shoulders.

"You have to keep your job, first.” Volt ran his hand up Bengal’s tail, feeling him shudder. “Or you could come have martinis in my hot tub, the invitation’s still open.” A pause. “Am I just not inviting you right?” He leaned closer to the ears on Bengals head, watching them twitch in irritation. “Pspspsps?”

Thank you so much for reading! Find more heroes, villains, sidekicks, civilians, and reporters here on my masterlist!

If you’re able to take a moment and Buy Me a Coffee I’d be so grateful! But no pressure, my content and my characters are free to enjoy!

I love requests and prompts, so don’t be a stranger! Thanks for supporting me!

#hero #villain #hero x villain #cat #cat hero #villains #heroes #oc #original character #superhero #supervillain

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o0o0thorn0o0o · 3 years

Photo

God, this is a long post... It could most definitely be shortened, as there’s a lot of unnecessary details, but, well, nah. Also, no shading because I'm lazy.

I’ve got a presentation due tomorrow which I decided to do on cat cafes, which I’ve yet to finish, but I’m not too worried. I’ve done more in less. I swear, I’m gonna try and kick this procrastination habit one day. That day, though, is definitely not today. Anyway, because of that presentation, I felt like drawing cats. Anything for more cat practice. So here’s my cat headcanons for the three. Also, I don’t know if it’s because of the inspiration, but Gakushuu reminds me of a barista. I’ve also got dog headcanons for them, but we’ll see when I get to drawing them. I think Gakushuu would really like points—in this case, a blue lynx point. They’re my absolute favorite coat (though, my cat is prettier than any lynx), so that’s what’s depicted here. Again, though, he’d just like points in general. Also, a good sized cat with medium-fur. All that shedding, though... He’d probably get frustrated pretty often, but it’s worth it. He’d probably gave a preference for purebreds, but I don’t really have a specific breed in mind. If I had to pick, probably a Birman? They’ve got the coat down, and I’d imagine he’d appreciate their personalities. Intelligent, curious, quiet, and friendly yet independent. I’d like to imagine, though, that she’d only get really affectionate at the most inconvenient of times. And when he wants to shower her with attention, she’d be out of sight. Also, while she sometimes rips up papers and attacks pen/cils, he’d probably have her around when he’s doing homework—a homework buddy. Gakushuu would probably like to think he’d be a pretty strict owner, but in reality, he’d spoil her rotten—bit of a pushover. She’d be his little princess.

For Yukiko, I definitely think of Maine Coons, those gentle giants. I absolutely love Maine Coons—favorite breed, most definitely. They’re calm temperaments, the fact that they’re big and so gosh darn fluffy, their ear tufts, and, oh my gosh, their trills. I absolutely adore these guys. The only “flaw” would be that they’re not naturally points and you’d need at least two generations of mixing them with one—but there’s also a good chance they’d be lynx points, there. They’re just perfect. I’d probably never get one, though, as what are the chances there’d happen to be a Maine Coon in a shelter the day I happen to visit one? If that ever does happen, though, you bet I’m pouncing on that. Anyway, like the Birman, they’re very affectionate but also independent, and pretty soft spoken—traits I’m sure Kanzaki appreciates. While a caliby is shown above, I think Kanzaki equally likes torbies. Well, she’d be a fan of calicos and torties in general. I drew a caliby, though, because 1) I wanted a cat with white, and 2) as you can see, I really like tabbies. Don’t like drawing them much, though... Also, she’s a chocolate calico/caliby, because I think that’d Kanzaki’s favorite coat.

And finally, the cat man himself. It’s impossible for me not to see him as a cat person. Like, if no one else, than it’s gotta be Karma. Unlike the other two, none of my favorites are at play here. Instead, it turns out that what I’d imagine Karma to like most is a mixture of a trio of cats in my life, which I find interesting. I’ve already mentioned what that is in a previous post . I remember all three of those cats as kittens only, and they’re all male. The first was a kitten named Shadow, which was my older brother’s first cat. He was a tabby and was really affectionate.

The second was also named Shadow—one was named after the other, but I forgot which came first. He was a stray/neighborhood cat my siblings and I temporarily adopted once when we were visiting my dad’s home village. He’s probably where the black coat comes into play. And finally, the most recent, was a family member’s kitten overseas. We looked after him for a few weeks at the end of our trip because it had been two months since I’d last seen my cats, and I was feline-deprived. His personality is definitely what I think Karma would prefer. Absolutely hyper—one second, he’d be on the right side of the bed, and the next, he ran all the way across. He was never not active. Whenever we’d hold him still, just like that, he’d be passed out. There was only an on or off switch for him, that little bugger. Anyway, Karma wouldn’t really be that interested in specific breeds, but because I gave the other two a breed, I decided to give him a Bengal. I already knew Bengals had the personality, but I wasn’t really sure about the other criteria. When I searched it up, though, they seem to fit all of it. Depending on genetics, they can be small (the one depicted, though, is definitely a kitten), and they naturally just look smaller than they actually are. They’re also one of the most common breeds to have the charcoal tabby trait. So a Bengal just ended up matching perfectly.

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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Here is my take on your ocs as cats.

Minji: bengal cat energy. Super playful breed that is incredibly active. This cat breed also is one of the biggest domestic cats breeds. They love to be active and they are also really vocal and bubbly. Minji loves being active and she is very playful and I think that this breed of cat fits her personality

Judas: Saimese cat, not doubt in my mind. Siamese cats are sleek, insanely smart, they have a fondness for affection and attention. This sleek cat has striking blue eyes, and are very elegant. Siamese cats are very loyal and protective of their owners/people they love and are not afraid to let them know when they want attention.

Lila: I’m stuck between a few, but I’m gonna give her the Birman breed. This cat breed is a quiet but affectionate cat breed who gets along with people really well, they are shy at first but when they warm up to people the cat will be super affectionate. They are an adorable breed that looks like something straight out of a movie. Lila’s Lolita aesthetic fits beautifully with this magnificent cat, not to mention this cat is good with lot of different types of people.

Bora:this is a hard one, a part of me really wants to say black cat. A black cat for the reason that they are misunderstood, and they have lower adoption rates than other cats cause they are “bad luck”. Cause they aren’t preferred over other cat breeds, and this just reminds me of how bora’s parents always preferred her brother over her, and how she was the disappointment in the family. And how black cats are so sweet and how affectionate they really are.

But I truest thinking that the Russian blue cat is the cat that is most like bora. Russian blues are a more timid cat breed, it takes time to get one to grow to love and trust you, and often times they make a bond with one person, and that bond is so strong. Once they are comfortable in their home they are curious, smart, and very playful. Like bora.

Oh my God, you put a lot of thought into these, I am touched! I so agree with Minji. Bengals are so big and active, that's what she's all about. Being so active, running, and so bubbly! Someone get that car a wheel. That's hilariously adorable and I'm gonna laugh. I didn't think Siamese for my boy Judas, but you know what, that fits. If I had guessed, I would have said a regal lap cat who just wants to win cat shows. I suppose this still is very fitting. As long as he gets affection and all of the kisses.

Birman are really sweet and I do adore their color scheme. Tend to think of ragdolls first when it comes to something of that variety but you've definitely convinced me to look another way for once. The timid nature definitely adds to it as well as the fact that they can warm up to certain people. I love Russian Blue cats. They're so very sleek and sweet. It also ties in really well with Bora's character arc. Slowly opening herself up to the people around her and then getting more cheerful and learning that it's okay to be comfortable. We do enjoy that.

#mod kait #ask #jessie4098 #mysme cmc #mystic messenger cmc #cmc #judas choi oc #minji cho oc #lila lancelot oc #bora kim oc

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #351

“the writing on the wall / a psalm of napalm / abandon all hope, but try to stay calm”

Do you have bad posture? Oh yeah. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY. How many miles can you run without stopping? An astonishing zero miles. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? My high school friend Alon, probably. Have you ever dated someone who was very vastly different from your “type”? No. When was the first time you said "I love you" to a significant other? When I dated my first real boyfriend Jason at 16. I actually said it very early in because I thought I was "supposed" to, and I did REALLY like him. How old were you when you first lived alone? If you’ve never lived alone, how old do you think you’ll be? I haven't yet, and idk. What do you wish you had been better prepared for? Ha, adulthood. Is there anything about you (physically) that you think turns people off of you right off the bat? My weight. Do you know anyone with a semicolon tattoo? I have a semicolon butterfly tattoo on my wrist, and while it's very subtle, my Mark tat features a semicolon, too. It's outlined by a quote he's said ("you are important, never forget that"), and the "i" is a semicolon. Idk if I know anyone else with one. Have you ever overdosed on a drug? Once accidentally, once purposefully. Have you ever kissed a guy you didn’t want to kiss? Yes. Who was the last guy you cuddled with? Girt. What is something you’ve had a toxic reaction to? The breakup with Jason. In the last picture taken of you, how did you pose? I just tilted my head, smiled, and gave a peace sign, haha. Mom wanted to show my sister how I looked with a dozen wires and other shit attached to me for my sleep study. Have you ever made a fake Facebook account? If so, why? No. If you were an Eevee, what would you wanna evolve into? Probably Espeon? They're so, so majestic and beautiful. I'd love to feel like that, lol. What flavor was the last piece of gum you chewed? Raspberry lemonade. Did you ever used to watch the show Teen Titans? Nah. When you were in school/if you are in school, do you actually share your grades with your parents? If you got/get a bad grade, do you hide it from them? My mom always stayed up-to-date with my grades. I never really had anything to hide. Have you ever been the designated driver? Once or twice, yeah. Were you obsessed with Webkinz when they first came out? "Obsessed" is an understatement. I was that kid with dozens upon dozens. They were pretty much my favorite thing. Who do you subscribe to on YouTube, if anybody? Oh Jesus, looooots. Are you wearing nail polish right now? What color? No. Neon colors, or pastel? Pastel. Are you currently pregnant? Do you wish you were/weren’t? I'm not and have zero desire to be. Have you ever had a dog? A good number of them throughout my life. Is there any drama going on right now in your life? No. Does your hair fall out a lot? No. What’s your favourite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens and crows. How many friends do you have on Facebook? 126. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Pb&j. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? The same as I do now: metal and its various subgenres. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. How far away is the closest store to your house and what is it? I'm actually unsure which is the closest. We live in a cul-de-sac with a bunch of houses, and the street opens into just outside the main city, so there's a lot of stores. What is your favourite Thai dish? I've actually never tried Thai food. How many contacts do you have in your phone? Very few, but I don't feel like counting. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. What pet names do you use with your significant other? I'm single. Do you have to wear a name badge where you work? I don’t have a job. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah, I'm watching Gab Smolders play Skyrim. It's a game I've always wanted to play myself. Is there anybody else in the room you’re currently in? No. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Walmart. Does your house have a porch/balcony? It has a very, very small porch. What is your mother’s first name? Donna. Did you have a tree house as a kid? No. Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences? I'm terrified of it. Have you ever cried from being so mad? Oh yeah, it's very common for me to cry when I'm mad. Have you ever taken a bath with someone? As a kid, yes. Do you have any brothers? One older one. Does your family use coasters? Is anyone in your family excessively tidy? No. Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house? Ha, yeah, just depends on where. Do you take showers in the morning or at night more? Morning. I used to be ALL about night showers, but I just love how refreshing they are in the morning. It's a good start to the day. Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I steal the covers SO bad and roll around a lot. God bless whoever marries me. You see the person you fell hardest for. What do you do? I can guarantee I'd be a total deer in headlights and probably tear up or just straight-up cry. Have you been/are you depressed? It's nowhere near as bad as it was once upon a time, but I honestly am depressed these days. Who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? I only feel entirely "safe" doing that around Sara. Are your popups blocked on your computer? Yeah. Are your parents night owls or morning birds? My mom's a total night owl. She absolutely hates sleeping because it's "such a waste of time" to her, but of course she does it anyway. I haven't lived with my father since I was like 16, so idk what he's really like with this stuff now, but I'd call him an early bird, particularly because his job has him up early anyway. Do you have high blood pressure? No; my blood pressure is actually extremely low, so much so it scares every doctor who hasn't treated me before. It's a medication side effect and seriously sucks, because I am absolutely always light-headed and dizzy. Have you ever pumped gas? No. Are you affectionate? Very. What would a perfect yard look like for you? Hmmm... I'm going to include things I know I won't realistically have for maintenance reasons, but what's ideal. I would loooove love love at least one really big tree with maybe a birdhouse and like a bat box (is that what they're called?), and I'd love tons and tons of flowers to feed bees and other wildlife. A koi pond would be amazing, but that's one of those things I know I won't actually have. A pool would be really nice, preferably inground, and having a spot in the shade would be perfect. Some berry bushes would be cool, and grape vines... Man, I'm really fantasizing now, haha. What is a topic that you have just recently become interested in? Nothing very recently, but I'd say the most recent would be uhhhh tarantulas, though that's been a thing for many months now. What is a feel-good song that you’ve been listening to lately? None lately, anyway. I can tell you "Jump" by Van Halen is the staple "feel-good" song for me, though. What are some things you enjoy seeing pictures of? Meerkats... Mark... more meerkats and Mark... oh also meerkats and Mark... Is there anything you are scared/awkward about talking about in life? Don't talk to me about sex. Has a pet ever stolen food from you as you were eating it? AS I was eating it, no. What is the weirdest compliment you have ever been given? I have no idea. What’s stronger - your upper or lower body? Jesus, I couldn't tell you. I'm just weak, period. Women tend to have more lower body strength, so I GUESS maybe that, but given the fact my legs are horribly weak, I don't know. My arms aren't strong, either. Are you very careful with your technology (phone, laptop, etc) or do you take risks that could damage them? I try to be mindful and careful, but you could say the way I pick up my laptop sometimes is risky. Have you ever been in the newspaper? What for? I think so, as part of my graduating class? But that would be a LOT of people... so I actually don't know. I have this faint memory of being in it with other people, but idr. Would you say that the area you live in is particularly picturesque? Ew, no. What is your favorite type of cat? One does not simply pick ONE favorite kind of cat. I love Persians, Ragdolls, Siamese, sphynxes, bengals, Abyssinians, and I could go on and on. If you had your way, what color(s) would you dye your hair? I have A LOT of colors I want to dye my hair, but the ones I'm currently most interested in are pastel pink, creamsicle orange, and lilac. Do you like seafood? If so, what is your favorite? If not, what is your favorite type of food? I only like shrimp. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Paganism. It's the one I think is closest to what I believe in, and I just find it all very interesting. I love the nature focus. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? Nooooo. How many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? None anymore. :( I miss all my piercings that closed while hospitalized. Have you ever had a pet bird? Nah. It'd be cool, but I don't want one enough to actually get one. Do you like dinosaurs? I looooove dinos. They were my obsession as a kid. My first dream career was even a paleontologist. Do you like going for long walks with friends? If my legs worked like a healthy fucking human's, I would love to do that again. I would literally collapse if I tried to go on a long walk now. Do you miss anyone from school? I miss a lot of people from school. I'm thankful for Facebook for that, but even that's not enough, really. What is your favorite flavor of Jolly Ranchers? Watermelon, I think? Was there a strawberry one? How are your parents right now? I'm assuming Dad's fine, and Mom's okay, just stressed as she always is. Can you take naps, or does it make you feel horrible? Man, I love naps. They're like, mandatory for my existence, lol. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? A fake one. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Yeah. Do you watch music videos? No. Do you own an account on Club Penguin? Haha awww, remember the worldwide heartbreak when that site shut down? Anyway, I did as a kid. Do you like lemonade? Sure do. Was your first kiss perfect? To me it was. How do you feel about the first person you kissed? I feel a lot of things about him. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? Nervous. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? *shrugs* Is sex something special, or just for fun? It has to be something special for me personally. Do you follow fashion? If so, why? Not at all. Have you ever played a real pinball machine? No. Do you like the smell of BBQs? I love the smell, but don't like the food. Do wasps scare you? Yes. Are you currently trying to get over someone? I mean, yes and no. I don't think I'll ever be fully over Jason, but I feel like I'm as "over him" as I'll ever be, maybe. I hope I can even further let him go, but we'll just have to see. Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yes. Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? HA, oh yeah. If it's only a dusting, I don't care at all. I pretty much always wear flip flops. How old were you when you met your first love? I was 15. If you could have one more pet, what? JUST one? Probably a Brazilian Black tarantula, ideally. I technically want a western hognose snake more, but given I already have a snake, in this hypothetical situation, I'd take the spider. Would you rather have an owl or a snake? Ha, speaking of snakes. A snake, even though I adore owls. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I don't give my business to Chick-fil-A. They're reigned by homophobic, transphobic pieces of shit that have given monetary contributions to anti-LGBT foundations, including most disgustingly those that support conversion therapy. I admittedly looooove their chicken sandwiches, but I just can't in good conscience go there. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No, given I've never smoked and will never. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yeah. Do you like '80s music? '80s metal is great. Something you would NEVER buy? Drugs. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? I first questioned if I was bisexual in middle school, 8th grade I think, but I went into denial about it given I was Christian at the time. Looking back, there were many clear signs of me liking girls too, I just didn't notice them until a few years ago when I came out as bi. Do you like Star Wars? No. What is the best thing about life? Experiencing love, both platonic and romantic. Are you superstitious? No. What show/concert have you gone to that you didn’t like much? I haven't experienced a bad concert before, but then again I've only been to one. Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Have you watched porn alone before? I've never watched porn period. I have absolutely no desire to watch two random people go at each other. What do you think about weed? It should be legal everywhere, but treated similarly to alcohol in that there are legal repercussions to doing certain things, like driving, under the influence. There are just too many benefits for many health conditions to ignore. Have you read the entire Bible before? No. I've started to before, but I didn't get far.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''apex predator'' by otep

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the-adventures-of-dave · 4 years

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Thoughts on my bengal cat

I thought since I’ve had Kepler for four months now (wild. time flies!), it might be nice to compile my thoughts on both having a cat of his breed, and just Kepler in general. There are definitely things that I was warned about that I didn’t listen to well enough, and other things that totally have not been a problem for me. This might be a long post because I am long winded so bare with me.

Pros

Either “high energy” is just my average when it comes to my cat experience, or else Kepler isn’t as energetic as others for his breed. I honestly expected him to be a lot more chaotic and active, but he’s still a cat and spends like 75% of the day napping.

Kepler is so easy to entertain. He plays fetch!!

He is just as cute and beautiful as all those bengal aesthetic instagrams. I’d be lying if I said looks weren’t a factor in my love for the breed.

His breeder was amazing with socializing and whatnot. He let me trim his nails from day one. He loves everyone he sees! He doesn’t mind the car, harness, carrier, or vet! Good quality purebred cats are really, really nice.

Aside from litter problems, he isn’t nearly as destructive as bengal resources said the breed could be. I think my moggy Dave is wildly more destructive than Kepler.

Exactly as the breed guides said, Kepler is cuddly but only on his own terms. Thank God for that! I do not like super cuddly cats very much, so I am enjoying having a cat that isn’t demanding to sit in my lap 24/7. We just enjoy each other’s company from a distance.

Kepler is quite healthy (aside from his digestion/litter problems, which I can manage at home)! Hooray for no super expensive Kepler vet bills so far!

Cons

The internet warned me bengals have litter problems, but I didn’t think they would be this bad. Gosh, it is so much easier to deal with Dave’s aggression than Kepler’s litter problems. He only pees in the box about 25% of the time. This doesn’t appear to be a health issue so much as a behavioural one. This is the biggest drawback for me, and knowing it is rather breed specific is a huge downer.

On the topic of litter problems, apparently having trouble digesting most commercial cat food is also a problem in some cats of this breed. His diarrhea is under control now by feeding him freeze dried/raw food, though I am a bit uncomfortable feeding raw.

I really wanted a cat that likes water, and bengals are supposed to like water. Kepler is terrified of it due to bad experiences with previous owners and damn. I am not gonna lie, it is really disappointing.

My wallet is still hurting from how damn expensive Kep was.

Somewhere in between?

Kep doesn’t make normal cat meows all the time. For the most part when he meows, it is loud and more of a barking noise. I don’t mind loud cats, but I think that would definitely be a dealbreaker for some.

He is horrendous at climbing and jumping, which I thought was something bengals were supposed to do often. He does not like to be up high either.

Conclusion.

Would I get a bengal again? Very well possibly! I love the breed’s look, intelligence, and personality so much. I love the good things that have come out of getting a kitten from a breeder instead of one of unknown origin. It’s very nice not having a cat that bites me. On the other hand, him not using the litter box is a big drawback. The fact that this issue is a common one in the breed (especially those generations closer to their wild origins) just sucks. Getting an adult cat in the future may be a workaround for these problems, though it is often much more difficult to get an adult purebred from a reputable source rather than a kitten (and I really love kittens. I should just foster someday and save my wallet).

#bengal #catblr #petblr #kepler #long post

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kawaii-kozume · 4 years

Text

Ocean Eyes

Rated G. Soldezangelo. 4261 Words.

"Hey, Harley? Have you seen Graham?" Leo Valdez was currently undertaking the worst task in the shelter: Cleaning the cages. He swore he latched the cat carrier that contained their most wily of their cats but now that he was ready to put the cat back, the carrier was open and said cat was nowhere in sight.

"I saw him chasing something in the back room. Why?" The younger boy turned to Leo, holding a stack of newspapers he was going to hand off to Leo.

“Uhh, he’s not in the back room. I was just in there.” Nyssa twisted her body around Leo and something floated above his head. He glanced up and saw a container of cat food floating above him.

“So, Graham’s missing again.” Leo stated. He loved being able to work with his siblings, but sometimes they seemed to have low awareness of what’s going on. “I’ll head out to find him.”

“He can’t have gone far. Take some flyers.” Nyssa called back from further up the line of cages.

"Oh, yeah!” Leo said. He threw on his jacket and popped into the back room to pick up pre-printed Have you seen this cat? flyers. Honestly, Graham just needed to find a home already. Leo's been told he's been there for forever. He would absolutely volunteer for him, but his mother would kill him if he brought another cat home. It was already difficult enough to remember the three they already had. He walked into the coffee shop next door and asked the patrons if they’d seen a sandy bengal/manx cat on the streets. They shook their heads and Leo moved on. He finally found someone who'd seen the cat. It was a girl with red hair, around his age standing at a flower booth.

“That looks like the little guy I saw down by the pier. He wasn’t on it though, just hanging out at the start of it.” She said. She watched him not unkindly. Leo’s eyes widened. Why the hell was this cat like this? He’s been found by the shoreline so much Leo needs to make a note to just start looking there.

"Awesome! Thank you so much!" Leo called already sprinting off towards the beginning of the beach. He chucked his shoes off to the side and started wandering around asking people about Graham.

"He was down that way a little."

"Oh yeah! He chased after a seagull a couple minutes ago. Down that way."

"A young man around your age picked him up and started walking with him. He's blond and was walking with another man." An older man said. Leo was stunned. Who would pick up a random cat?

"Which direction did they start walking?" Leo asked. The man pointed north.

"Thank you." Leo was off trying to find these people, which in hindsight, Leo probably should have asked for more details on the two. He was starting to lose hope with the sun beating down on him when he saw a tawny tail flick out from under someone's arm. Leo walked up and tapped the stranger's shoulder.

"Hi there, sorry to bother you, but I think you found my cat." He started. "I can take him back to the shelter now and be out of your hair."

Leo was prepared to receive a cat, apologize and leave, grumbling to the same cat as he walked back across the beach to his shoes and back to the shelter. Leo was very much unprepared for the stranger to turn around, cradling Graham like a baby. He was also unprepared for how attractive the stranger was. He had bright blue eyes and freckles splattered across his nose and cheeks. His smile was warm and open. Leo nearly took a step back.

"Hi, sorry for scooping him up. I was a little worried about him being so close to the water." The stranger said.

"Oh, um, it's okay." Leo just wanted to grab the cat and leave. This was getting awkward for him.

"He's cute. You said he's a shelter?" Another person walked up to their conversation. This must've been the other one the man mentioned.

"Uh, yeah." Oh gods . Leo thought. The new man was also really attractive. His dark eyes glittered with a hint of mischief and Leo wanted to run away from anything that could happen. He had his dark hair in a low ponytail to stay out of his face from the wind off the waves. Leo watched as the dark haired man held up a popsicle to the blond and the blond took it without letting go of the cat.

“What’s his name?”

“The cat’s?” Leo asked. The blond smiled around his popsicle and reached up to take it out of his mouth.

“Well, I think Neeks was asking me for yours, but the cat’s will do too.” He said. Leo felt his cheeks heat up. Was Blondie flirting with him?

“The cat’s name is Graham Cracker, or Graham for short.” Leo flipped on his charm with a smile. “I’m Leo.”

“Nice to meet you, Leo. I’m Will. This is my boyfriend, Nico.” Will held the cat out to Nico who accepted him with barely hidden excitement. Leo had an internal panic. He flirted with a taken man? Oh gods, it’s just his luck. How in the world was it fair that they were both so stupidly nice looking and they look even better next to each other? To be fair to them, he wouldn't remember them in the morning so really is it so bad?

“And it’s a pleasure to meet you, Graham.” Nico cooed at the cat. Will glanced over and watched with fondness. Leo decided it was time to move along and get back to the shelter, mostly to escape this awkward situation.

“Well, um, I gotta get back to the shelter.” Leo held out a hand towards Nico for the cat. Nico looked up with a small frown. His glittering eyes dulled for a moment as he handed the cat over to Leo.

“Hey, our friends are having a party here tonight. Would you wanna, come hang out?” Will asked. Nico leaned into him and watched Leo with interest.

“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t do parties, really.” Graham squirmed in Leo’s arms, trying to escape again.

“No pressure, but the offer stands.” Will and Nico walked off, continuing along the shoreline as Leo turned around to go the other way.

“You are one difficult, little cat. Why’d you have to go for the most attractive people on the beach?” Leo scolded the cat affectionately the entire way back to the shelter. He tried to focus on helping customers and his siblings, but he couldn’t shake the invite out of his head. Maybe he’d go, just to say he tried.

***

The sun was setting on the horizon as Leo locked up the shelter. Harley and Nyssa had begun walking home but not before Harley gave Leo a tight hug and Nyssa turned on location sharing for both hers and Leo's phone.

"I'll be okay, promise, mi hermana. And I'll be home before 2." Leo had reassured his sister before they left. He pulled his windbreaker closer to him as he got closer to the sea. He saw the party before he got close enough to be noticed.

There was a fairly large group of people hanging around a lit bonfire. Some were a short distance away passing a volleyball back and forth, some were passing drinks around and some had set up a folding table for beer pong. Leo looked around, trying to see if his acquaintances were already there, but he couldn't see them. Before he could leave though, a familiar redhead came up to him.

"Oh hey! You're the cat guy, right? Did you find him?" She asked. Leo reached into his pocket for his wire before answering.

"Yeah! Thanks for pointing me towards the beach. Some people held onto him before I could get him." Leo explained. His hands worked on twisting the cool wire and he waited for the woman to move on to someone else.

"Are you here for the party? I didn't know we had mutual friends." She gave a soft chuckle. Well, shit, now what does Leo say?

"Oh, um," Before Leo was able to make a fool of himself, someone let their hand fall on his shoulder.

"Hey, Rachel. This is Leo. He's new around our scene. Neeks and I ran into him today and invited him." Will had appeared next to Leo like a saving angel. Rachel's smile grew at Leo.

"Awesome! Well, I'm headed off to find Annabeth." She nodded to Leo and then turned around, heading towards the group with the volleyball.

"Sorry we're late. Getting this one to come out is like pulling teeth, even if it's a party with our friends." Will shot a look to Nico, who rolled his eyes and scanned the crowd.

"There's a lot of people here." Leo stated.

"Yeah, our friend group is more like an extended family. Makes holidays hectic, but fun as hell. Hang with us and we'll introduce you to people as we go." Will said. Nico had made his way to one of the coolers and lifted a bottle towards Will and Leo.

"You want a drink?" Will asked.

"Um, how bout an ice?" Leo replied.

Will nodded then moved his hands around, catching Leo's attention. He must've looked confused because when Will turned back to Leo, he let out a warm laugh.

"Sign language. It's easier in large groups like this, and if anyone goes nonverbal, or has hearing problems, I can still communicate with them." Will explained. He started walking further into the party area as Leo followed.

"Goes nonverbal?" Leo asked. He had an idea what Will meant but he wanted to make sure before assuming. Nico got back with three open bottles and handed them off to the other two.

"Well, a good portion of our group is neurodivergent. It's not a bad thing, just means we adapt how we interact sometimes. Sometimes when we get overwhelmed, our brains don't form sentences well or we have problems verbalizing, sign language kind of cuts out having to put sound out." Will explained. It made sense to Leo. Sometimes Harley would go through a shut down and it sounded like what Will was saying.

"Plus he's premed so he's better off learning sign language anyways." Nico added. Will looked away, pink coming up to his cheeks.

"Dude, you're premed? Good shit, you gotta be like, super smart." Leo blurted. He regained composure after seeing Nico's expression. It was an amused one that used the unsettling, mischievous eyes.

"Yeah, it's- I mean, it's not a big deal. I'm just trying to do what I can." Will was intentionally downplaying the situation and Leo let him.

"C'mon, I wanna watch Percy wipe the floor with Jason." Nico said, grabbing Leo's wrist. He started walking towards the game of beach volleyball. More people had shown up and apparently someone brought a portable net.

Leo glanced back to see Will talking to someone else. He did look over at Leo and Nico, though. There was something in his gaze that Leo couldn't explain. Maybe longing? But that was dumb, why didn't he just come with Nico if he wanted to be with him? Nico stopped in front of him and sat down in the sand next to Rachel and two other girls, one blond and one brunette.

"Hey guys, how are the teams split and who's winning?" Nico asked. Leo, deciding not to worry about introductions right now, let his gaze move to the court. There were three guys and a girl all hovering around the middle of the net. They seemed to be negotiating rules.

"Jason and Thalia versus Percy and Frank." The blond replied. Nico perked up when the blond mentioned Frank. Leo watched him turn to scan the crowd.

"Frank's here? Is Hazel?" He asked, obviously excited to talk to Hazel.

"Yeah, I think she's around somewhere." The brunette answered.

"Nice." Nico murmured to himself.

"So, you gonna introduce us to your friend?" The brunette asked, eyeing Leo. Leo tried to look friendly and smiled at her.

"Ah, this is Leo. Will and I met him earlier today. He's tagging along tonight." Nico explained. "Leo, this is Annabeth and Piper."

The blond, Annabeth, smiled back at Leo, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Nice to meet you." She said. Leo noticed the other girl was looking away from him. Annabeth elbowed her. She turned to face Leo and gave him a wobbly smile.

"Sorry about her, she gets really emotional over her friends." Annabeth said. "She loves getting new friends as a result."

"Oh, awesome! I also love getting new friends." Leo felt like it was best to not explain that each friend was a new one to him.

"Oh! They're starting!" Annabeth said. "Good luck, Percy!"

"Go Thals!!" Piper shouted. Leo took a sip of his drink.

"Who are you rooting for?" Leo asked. He watched who he assumed was Percy toss the volleyball up and hit it over the net to start the game.

"Percy and Frank. Always do." Nico replied. "Percy's a good friend of mine and Frank is Hazel's boyfriend."

Nico talked as if Leo was supposed to know who Hazel was but he was sure he'd never met a Hazel in his life. Unless these people were his friends? But if they were friends then why didn't Nyssa or his mom mention them? He wouldn't have had friends. If he did, they'd have left by now.

"Who's-?" Before Leo could finish talking, another girl with dark skin and eyes that glittered with mischief sat down next to him.

"Hey, Neeks." She said. Neeks seemed to be a nickname for Nico but only people he was really close with. Nico reached around Leo and tapped the bottle she was holding with his.

"I was wondering where you were." Now Leo wasn't usually an easily irritated person, but this was the third person at this party who showed up and Nico hadn't offered him and introduction. So Leo decided to do it himself.

"Hi there, the name's Leo. And what precious name fits a precious lady like you?" He asked. He did pretty well if he said so himself. It must have worked because the girl ducked her head as if she were shy.

"Hi Leo, I'm Hazel. I'm Nico's sister." She said with a lilt in her voice as if she was laughing. Leo froze. Man, he freezes a lot around this group. He glanced at Nico who was giving him a borderline dangerous look.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry. I didn't-" Leo started to apologize.

"No, don't worry about it. How would you have known?" She said. "This is our first time meeting, after all." She seemed sad with that fact.

"Yeah, of course. I'm gonna, um," Leo fumbled, trying to find the right words that didn't make it sound like he was moving in on Will. "I'm gonna go see where Will went."

Leo got up without checking to see how Nico took it. He walked around the bonfire in search of the blond, taking sips of his drink while he did. He hadn't had much to eat today so he felt a pleasant hum in his arms as he finally found Will, chatting with a couple of people.

"Hey, Will. Wondered where you'd gotten to." Leo said, resting a hand on Will's shoulder to steady himself.

"Oh, hey, Leo." Will wrapped an arm around Leo's waist to help him stay steady. "Leo, this is Grover and Juniper. They're some childhood friends of mine."

Leo smiled and nodded at them but was hyper aware of the heat coming off of Will's arm against his back. What would Nico think? Is this normal for Will? To prop up strangers he just met? What if after tonight they never talk to him again?

"Hey, Sunshine, heads up." Nico's voice came from somewhere on Will's left and at the same time, Leo wriggled out of Will's clutches. He felt bad about everything and was debating on going home. But when he got the nerve to look at Nico, the other looked away with an expression so haunting, Leo wished he could sleep right now so he'd forget it.

Nico looked like a man who'd been through a lot and lost something extremely important to him. And he was looking at Leo with that expression. Leo spent a couple more minutes standing with Will, Grover, Juniper and Nico but he was starting to get itchy. Not physically but mentally. Like, he was so close to remembering something important. It was the same feeling when he remembered his own name the first time. Then when he remembered his siblings. But this seemed much more intense. He knew he must have been frowning but he wandered away from the group, walking through couples by the fire, past the table where the ping pong balls were landing in the sand more and more as the night went on and past the interim volleyball court where he watched Jason spike the ball into the sand on the other side. There was something, comforting about all of this. Like this was a safe haven for him. But he couldn't place why.

He glanced back to Nico and Will. Something about them was inviting from the start. Since he tapped on Will's shoulder, he'd started feeling this sense of security. Nico turned back and locked eyes with him. Leo gasped softly, concerned he was really overstepping. He considered running as Nico excused himself and made his way over to Leo who's heels were being lapped at by the water. Leo turned around to face outward towards the moonlit horizon.

"You're starting to remember something, aren't you?" Nico asked, soft enough he couldn't wake an owl. Leo's head whipped to look at him.

"You- I- We- Uh, wait." Leo stuttered. He took a breath to organize his thoughts as best he could.

"You do know me. How? And why didn't you say anything sooner?" Leo asked, starting to become upset. If Nico knew him, why didn't he say something? Or Will for that matter? Wait, what if the reason was that Leo himself had dated one of them before the accident.

"We don't say anything because we all decided it would be best for you to not have to feel pressured into a relationship you have no recollection of. We want you to have the best healing process possible." Nico told the ocean. He had yet to look at Leo.

"So you know then? About the accident, about my memory, about everything?" Leo asked. Nico took a shaky breath.

"Everyone here knows about the accident. This was your family before the explosion." Nico said. Leo shook his head then fell back into the sand. The water continued to lap over his feet.

"I want to know everything. About you. About our friends. About our situation." Leo sighed. He hated this. He hated knowing but not quite knowing. He knew Nico was special. But so was Will. And he didn't understand.

Nico flopped down next to him and continued to stare out at the sea. "Well, after you woke up and didn't recognize your mother, she told Will and I. We came rushing to you as soon as possible. When we walked in, you didn't recognize us either. The doctors told us you had short term memory loss but they said it could be possible that you recover. Something about the neurons being resilient and reforming. But until then, you'd wake up each day and not remember anything." Leo tried not to watch the tear running down Nico's cheek.

"The first day, we were there as soon as you woke up. But five people hovering over you freaked you out. So the next day, Will and I met you at the shelter and explained who we were to you."

"And who is that?" Leo asked, almost afraid of the answer. Nico got a pained look on his face.

"I don't want to tell you. It's difficult, alright? Maybe by the end of the night." Nico didn't look at Leo. In his peripheral, Leo registered that Will was walking over to the two.

"Anyways, in doing so, we kind of scared you away. You got skittish when you saw us that day. That's when we decided not to mention it." Nico continued. Will had sat on the other side of Leo.

"But, we still wanted to see you. So we had to get creative about it. First two weeks, we came in and pretended to be looking at adopting a cat. Graham Cracker, specifically. Which isn't a lie, we love Graham, but he serves a different purpose now. The next couple weeks we'd see you on your lunch break and invite you to hang out that night. Always our friends are having a party, join us kind of invite." Will and Nico were trading off explaining and Leo was taking it all in.

"So we learned you liked being invited out more and more. Then you remembered Harley and Nyssa. Our hope grew. We hatched a plan with Harley. Every morning, Harley would leave Graham's cage open. He'd escape and we would 'find' him and keep him safe until you showed up." Nico smiled at Leo now.

"Then, we'd invite you to the nightly party." Will finished.

"So, wait, you guys do this nightly?" Leo asked, looking back at the group.

"Well, yeah. Everybody wants to hang out with you, but they don't wanna scare you. So we have nightly parties, we get you down here, and there's a rotation of who gets most of your attention. Like Nico's probably said: This is your family."

Leo sat in silence for a while and the other two just sat with him. Everyone knowing him and being his friend would explain why he felt so content with them all. He still wasn't sure about Will and Nico. He knew they weren't like the others but he couldn't let himself believe that it was like that .

"So say I believe you, what do I do now?" He asked eventually. Will sat up from where he was laying in the sand.

"That depends, what do you want to do now?" He asked. Leo looked out to the ocean. The cold water sounded like it could shock his system and help.

"I wanna go for a swim." Leo said before getting up and shedding his windbreaker, shirt then his shorts until he was down to his boxers. He ran into the surf, ignoring Nico's calls. He was right, the water was freezing. And it did shock his system until all he could think about was the cold. He felt someone come up behind him and he turned around, coming face to face with Nico.

"Th-this water is f-f-freezing. C'mon." Nico's teeth clacked together and all in one moment, Leo remembered what it was like to kiss him. His lips, soft from overuse of chapstick and his dark eyes hiding behind closed eyelids. Leo knew he probably shouldn't have given in, but in that one moment, he wanted nothing more than to feel those feelings again. He grabbed the back of Nico's neck and pressed his lips to Nico's, startling the other man. But kissing for them was as easy as breathing. Nico sighed and Leo felt like he was closer to being whole than he had all day. When they pulled apart, Nico had a soft smile on his face.

"Will's gonna be jealous I was first tonight. You've kissed me first every night for the last two weeks." Nico whispered, barely audible over the waves. "C'mon, you're gonna get hypothermia."

Leo, for his part, was a bit overwhelmed. Did Nico say first?

"Did you say first?" Leo asked as Nico dragged him out of the water by his wrist. Will was standing by the shoreline with two towels. How he knew Leo was going to do this was beyond Leo, but he was prepared.

"Yeah, first. Leo, you're our boyfriend. We don't like to tell you unless you instigate or say something first." Nico said. Leo allowed Will to wrap the towel around his shoulders. He looked up at the blond and grinned.

"How did I manage to score not one, but two incredibly sexy boyfriends?" Neither answered but Leo didn't need an answer, really. He just wanted to try and fluster them.

"So, can I kiss you now?" He asked Will. Will seemed shocked but before he could say yes, Leo was already leaning up, pressed against him and meeting his lips. It was quick and soft, but enough that Leo remembered a garage with a guitar in it. He laughed.

"You're a musician. Premed and a musician. Is there anything you can't do?" Leo laughed. His smile faded though as he fully processed their relationship.

"How many times have I not come back to you two?" Leo asked, afraid to hear the answer. Will pulled him forward and held him to his chest. Nico leaned on Leo's back and let Will speak. His voice rumbled through Leo's head as he said the best words in Leo's life.

"Every single day since the accident, you've always come home to us. And we'll continue to fight for you to remember it."

#pjo #soldezangelo #sam writes

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