#i wrote a poem about a concept i constantly think about

[melynnwater]

I looked in the mirror to see myself there

and she stepped right through stumbling over the precipice

I caught myself in my arms and I finally understood the space I take up and how wonderful it is

we stood up and embraced without saying a word

I knew how important it was to feel the skin on my back from someone else's hand of my own

my arms are so big and my depth is so thick and I take up all this beautiful space in this world

I've only ever known my body through the world's reaction to it

finally, I can be the world reacting to myself.

[kanmom51]

JK Live 4 October 2023

21:01 or 9:01 pm KST

cr./To all the creators of the media used in this post.

I was waiting for this, and kind of expecting this to happen, lol.

He said he'd be live at 9 pm. And yes, you can say, it's unintentional, a coincidence, but I say NO.

Both JK and JM have shown us over the years their attention to the numbers, the dates.

Starting the live at 9:01 was intentional.

9/1 or 1/9, however you look at it!!

Let's talk about the live, why don't we?

It was definitley an interesting one.

In a gist, JK shut down (well tried to) the whole Mingyu shipping shit. He most definitley shut down TKKs. I actually kinda, maybe (not really), felt sorry for them.

He listened to all the members songs, with certain degrees of favouritism and certain degrees of, well, not...

He drank. Like a lot. I think maybe someone needs to fill him in on the secret that alcohol does have calories. Yes, whiskey might not be as bad as beer on that front, but drinking as much and then not eating cause he's dieting... well, not the healthiest choice. And this is not, god forbid, me mothering or smothering him. His health is important for his performance (he says that himself), not to mention, man is constantly hungry. Eat more, is what I'm saying.

He once again demonstrated his neuro-divergency (that whole clean up session he had in the kitchen, lol).

He showed us, again that's it's all about choices.

He got pensive and serious at a point and said some very important things, which I will, of course, discuss here in my post.

He is super tired, but really struggling to sleep.

He is fighting so hard to drop the cute image, but man, it's just imbedded in him. He is so cute!!!

And he is so genuine.

He is genuine.

Let us begin our journey into JK's almost 1.5 hour live (yep, we are back to those, lol).

He starts out telling us he just got home from the company, and that he hasn't even prepared his glass (of drink) - kind of solidifies my belief that the 9:01 pm starting time was meaningful and intentional, because then he goes and prepares his glass and drink.

He invited us to have drinks with him, so as he's preparing his own drink he tells us to fill up our glasses as well, lol. Throughout the live he has 3 highballs, and by the end of the live admits he's kind of drunk. Which is not that surprising given he is drinking on an empty stomach (as high as his tolerance to alcohol may be).

He explains he came on Weverse on the 4th and not earlier because of his solo album announcement. Golden. Makes a toast with us to celebrate it. And he talks a little about it as well.

He tells us how Golden represented him after debut. We know him as the Golden maknae, he mentions I think GC (which for some reason they translate as golden chest and not golden closet, maybe because whoever is translating isn't aware of golden closet, who knows...), how he wrote a poem called Golden (the one JM went all gushy about, if you recall), And also "this moment is like a golden period for me." - Golden hour perhaps? Kind of fits with his choice of lighting for the live as well. Just saying.

And there you have it!!!

And after seeing this, go back and take another look at his concept photo...

The album includes 3D and the clean and explicit versions of Seven. 11 songs on it, which means we will get to hear 8 new songs!!!

He also explains how he thought he would release an ep and somehow it became a full album.

He didn't give too much info (well, he couldn't of course), but told us the title track has a performance and he's practicing, like A LOT. He wants to do well and is giving it his best. He also lets us know that the title song is a hard one and will be awesome!! I do hope this one is not a collab though (just my own wishes here). He is confident we will like it, and says we can look forward to it. I know I am.

He's complaining about how his body isn't the same, he's exhausted. Well JK my man, you wanted to be a adult, and us adults, we grow old too, lol...

He says "there is nothing that is making me stressed out, I am just tired." Now, that could be meant about the album being released, or the performance he's preparing for. But it could also be more...

He says he's keeping his voice down and wanted to be calm and have "older bro vibe", lol.

He wants to go with older bro vibe. Appear to be more mature? Since his full album is coming out?

Ok, so I'm going to say this here. The translation is somewhat off and wacky. I felt this with JM's live on 1st September with some of it, and I feel the same here as well. The whole golden chest thing, the "I'm keeping the weight down" when he's talking about the older bro vibe, and more... It feels like a. whoever is doing this doesn't know JK too much (the golden chest is a big clue), and b. are they just translating literally and not the actual sentence meaning?

JK shares with us how tired he is, how he's still having trouble sleeping, that he practiced real hard today and that his upcoming schedule is hellish. I can only imagine. He's really worried, "will I be good at this?"

Now, let's stop here for a second shall we? Didn't he just minutes before tell us he's not stressed out? So, perhaps that wasn't about the album and promotions at all? Perhaps that was more about the white noise shitshow that was going on in the background? Telling us that isn't bothering him, all while now sharing with us that what he is worried about is if he'll be good enough, do well enough with his performances?

He shows us he got an IV today, needs to replenish himself, yet he hasn't eaten. "I have to take care of my body too". Yes he does. But at the same time he says he has to lose weight. It kind of frustrates me, but then again, this is their reality, as idols. I just wish there would be less pressure on them in that aspect.

He reads a comment telling him to do well, says he will.

And then this:

Ok, so thing is, please raise your hand if you actually do believe the commenter was asking JK if he loves Taehyun of TXT.

No show of hands I see.

Lmao.

Nah, when this happened I didn't have the comments on and in any case wouldn't have been able to read them, not knowing Korean. But I kind of felt like maybe whoever wrote it wasn't Karmy and misspelled it perhaps? And then I saw this.

So here's the thing. If this was a misspell, makes sense that JK was maybe blissfully unaware of the intent of the comment.

But if this was indeed spelled out correctly, I kind of have my doubts he didn't read it right, especially given he says it twice before answering. And he's off telling us about TXT Taehyun. Whom he spoke with on the phone that day. He's so well mannered and cute, while being an old soul. Ok, here we go with another Taekook ship, lol. JK spoke to someone - must be something going on there. No wonder the man is so damn tired... Seven days a week seven sets of sheets... (eww... NOOOOOOO). No, but seriously, did we know that Taehyun was a good friend of JK's? No we didn't. Now we do.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

It's funny how JK runs himself down constantly. Like the man is so intelligent. Perhaps not book smart (which is why he keeps saying he's not smart), but not everything about life is learnt from a book, and his emotional intelligence and artistic intelligence are next level. But he keeps running himself down, and I kind of feel that sometimes fans only hear or see that of him, instead of seeing his art and listen to what actually comes out of his mouth when he starts speaking about the deeper things.

Again, the "I'm Jungkook's girlfriend" comments. Ugh yuck. Like shut the fuck up already. But he just brushes it off. Reads it, asks what they are doing at this hour and snickers.

Comment "I really love you a lot". JK "I think I love you more". This is once again JK cementing just how great his love for army is. He will talk about it more later too.

Look, man loves army. We can't even start to understand the connection he has with army, given his whole career, starting out at such an early age and going through all the struggles that they went through to get where they are right now, feeling that it's because this sense of loyalty and love that army have for them. So yes, he loves army.

And another idiot in the comments asking JK to take off his shirt. Of course these people are flooding his comments. Funny how his reaction is:

Yes he giggles, but he's uncomfortable. And asks why they even said that. "It's embarrassing".

Happy that he called them out. As if it will help though.

JK shows us his Vogue magazine, the hip hop concept, which he says he liked the most.

Ok, so this was maybe intentional (I kinda feel it was), maybe not, but cute none the less.

He talks about how the comments are lagging, slow, and says:

and then he thinks for a second, eyes looking to the side (mind working), and goes:

Kind of random, don't you think?

Coming up with the 13 seconds lagging.

And happening to end up with 10-13. 🤣🤣

So, he started the live at 9-1 and now we have 10-13!!!

I'd say, either this was intentional (him stopping to think might just hint to that) or the man has 13 etched on his brain. 13 and 10, which is kind of coming up very soon...

Next JK talks about the TikTok he deleted.

Now here's the thing. On Stationhead JK said he saw the trend and wanted to do it. Not a word about doing the opposite of the trend. Going "the other way". JK isn't saying he didn't want us to see the clip he uploaded (which kind of might have been what was understood from what he said in Stationhead, and maybe that's why he's clarifying here). He says he wanted his TikTok to be for dancing and that's why he deleted. He also seems to be happy that army had seen it and spread it around regardless of him deleting. So, he wanted us to see it, but better it not be on his TikTok. And the thing is that he posted it to start with. He knew that army will catch it and spread it. He knew!!! And he wanted us to. I don't know how to articulate this properly to make my point clearly, but the whole thing screams Queer coding to me. I talked about it in a previous post, and I stand by my words.

This wasn't about doing something silly and then regretting and deleting. This was about posting something with a message, and then deleting because it couldn't stay up on his account ("as long as it's not on my tiktok"), but relying on army to catch it and spread it around.

"Let's talk in English", reading out a comment...

The Nah, though, lol.

"English is so difficult", he says in English, lol.

Talks about how the comments are slow and the responses in Stationhead were immediate, and then, out of nowhere he's going...

Puiriri...

Well, he actually does this during Like crazy as well.

Nope, not JM on the brain what so ever...

"Korean is sexy"...him going with that's right, Korean is the hardest language... He actually talks about how the translations from English to Korean differ from translator to translator and how interesting that is. True about the opposite way as well, seeing the difference in the structures of both languages.

"You want to see me laugh?"

Funny, the original translations were "smile if you're real". Either way, he's hilarious.

I can't with him. LMAO.

Prepares drink no. 2.

Again, this man doesn't want to be called cute, but he's so damn cute, lol. Like how can you be preparing this alcoholic drink and still be so cute about it? Lol.

No tequila or champagne for JK.

"You want to have a drink with me?"

JK: You already all know it.

Why does it feel like JK is talking about so much more than just knowing his address is up on YT?

"You want me to call out my address? But you really can't visit me." Boundaries set once again. With a smile. But set none the less.

Plays a song he tells us he was recommended by one of the dancers while filming 3D MV. 21 by Gracie Abrams.

Says we'll be like this today "let's rest". How you can call what he does later as rest I have no idea, lol.

He shows us where he shot the TikTok clips, the corridor. Shows and explains a little how he does it.

Does a little clean up sesh in the kitchen. The way he was rearranging the bottles and utensils, while on live, was that intentional? Was it just his neuro divergency, getting distracted perhaps? Idk.

Asked if he ate, asks "what will I eat?" in English and tries to say something else or thinks maybe he didn't say it properly initially, but gives up, lol.

Then someone askes to hear Hobi's song. And JK is happy to go put on Jhope's song, saying he misses him. 😭

Says "Arson", twice, but then plays "More", lol.

Ok, so this is where we start with listening to the members songs, and I do have something to say about this.

JK plays 2 of Hobi's songs, and puts on a show.

If this is JK resting... Lol.

Sure he's tired...

After Hobi, JK plays Tae's Slow dancing.

Then stops the song, sits down saying how tiring have to rest and then says "Let's go with all the major songs for the members".

And guess who's next... one guess allowed... Of course you know the answer to that.

He has Like crazy playing twice in a row and then SMF pt. 2. He really LOVES SMF pt. 2. You can tell it means A LOT to him. Not that LC doesn't, but I feel that emotionally LC is harder for him, while SMF pt. 2 is cathartic (for JM and as such so meaningful to him as well).

He's all playful with LC.

We have this as well...

And at some point wants to do something, walks off camera looking for a prop, I guess, only to come back deciding it's a no go - won't be fun (me sitting here dying to know what he was up to).

The whole bottle empty during LC.

He moves on to Jin, 1 and a half songs, RM (3 songs) and Suga (2 songs).

Point being, the only member that gets only 1 song played is Tae. Ouch. The only member to have the same song played twice - JM.

So, let's talk a second about the whole Like crazy playing twice. Cause Idk if you get it. He listens to Hobi and then Tae's Slow dancing, then says "we have to listen to all the members", cause he ain't falling into the TKK trap, and he plays JM. Cause, of course it would be JM. But here's the thing. Each one of them was on a specific playlist. When he played a song it continued to the next song in line. Hobi he said Arson, but actually played More (which was interesting within itself), and then it went to On the streets. RM same, went down through his album, Suga the same. But not JM. He played Like crazy, and then following it, him not moving from his chair or changing the songs or going to play it again, it played it again. Same version. In the album Like crazy is followed by SMF pt. 2 (which did follow the second time LC played, and he did listen through that too). So my question is what kind of playlist JK has for JM? Does he just have these songs going on repeat? He gets up to stop it just at the end of SMF pt. 2, and I can't help but wonder what the next song would have been? SMF pt. 2 again maybe?

Of course he still remembers the choreo.

He talks about Jin and Super Tuna, how he's wild and that side of him is why the team is so bright. He really loves him so, and misses him.

"I miss my members".

Prepares drink no. 3.

The whole ceremony around the drink preparations... he's so funny.

He makes a comment about Jin's MV while looking towards where his whole music playing set up is. So, this is YT he's playing from? Which means these would be YT playlists? Which means he watches LC on repeat? I mean, who could blame him really?

Gets up to change the playlist to RM's songs.

While Flowerworks is playing he reads a comment and says:

"Did Mingyu cut his hair?"

Now, we know they saw each other later that night, getting together with others as well, but JK once again draws the lines here. He's a good friend definitley. Someone he hangs out with, of course. But knowing if he cut his hair... meaning being in constant contact with him or more than that, as there are some that might think... nope.

Ok, time to get serious.

He starts to talk about the members songs, their "colours are so different", and then he's asked after resuming activities in 2025 what he wants all the members to do together? Turns down the music a bit to get serious:

Make an album, quickly come out to see army, first priority of course. From the moment they get back together to find the way to come out as quickly as possible. "We will do Bon voyage...we will do In the soop..."

Stops, gets up to turn down the volume even more, and this is when you know he's delving even deeper, and getting even more serious. Sits down and continues...

Ok, I'm really not sure this is about the solo activities. He talks about that further on. I thought this when I first heard this during the live, and although the wording is slightly different I still think this is JK is sending us a message. They love us, they love each other. They will be coming back and they will be giving it their all. But that said, they will also have their own personal lives. Setting the stage, perhaps? For relationship announcements? Marriages on the way? He told us that he wants to make us happy, but to do so we have to understand that he deserves happiness as well. Is this one step further in that direction? yes their focus is on army, but with all of that they will also have their own personal paths.

He continues about them wanting to "look awesome" in front of us, or want to give us strength,

He knows what his top priority is, and he hopes we know that we are the reason. For real.

He continues to talk about coming back in 2025, releasing a song, saying it will be approx. 2 years.

They mustn't forget there are those rooting for BTS. Train, release an album, tour.

They will have to meet army around the world.

This is interesting:

They will reveal by doing shootings and "let your ears get pleased and let you watch our shows". Stories

"BTS is this kind of team". That is what they will show.

And what members each want to do, they can do that later. Him making clear that their first priority is the comeback as BTS.

Number one priority is about the group, and he makes sure we understand that this is not only him speaking but also true for every single one of them.

Again, army's importance to him. This isn't acting or being false or fake, this is genuinely what he feels. When said in a comment that army are because of BTS he corrects them, sets things straight: BTS are here because of army!!

And then this happens:

"Jeon Jimin?" he reads out a comment.

Now, I understand people think it's disrespectful because of the meaning it has in the West but the fact that in Korea people don't change their names after marriage. Thing is, Karmy nor JK, for that matter, really find it offensive? He doesn't even take it that way. To him it's someone putting their two names together, I'd say just like Jikook or minkook or kookmin. Nothing more nothing less. And he chooses to read it out. He could have just left it, but he decided to read the comment out.

This is when he remembers he has to play Suga's songs too, lol. Playing Haegeum.

"How can all the member have such different tastes in music? Isn't that fascinating?"

I love it that he feels that way. I love it that he knows how talented he is (especially knowing how he runs himself down intellectually). I love that he knows and appreciates the rest of the members talent as well. They are all different, and yet all outstanding each in their own way.

And not only does he see that in them, he also attributes his own growth as a person to them.

JK tells us how Yoongi told him off for not doing the Haegeum dance challenge, repeats it a couple of times too, how he was upset about it, lol. So he says he will do it. A little late, no? And he makes sure to make it clear that it won't be soon either. But it will go up on his TikTok.

Toilet break time.

Comes back, finishes up his drink and stops Amygdala to play Seven and 3D before he ends his live.

So, he chooses the explicit version of Seven. Sings along. Admits he's a little drunk and for now will stop drinking. Emphasis on "for now", lol.

Now, while he's playing Seven someone asks for him to play Slow dancing.

Once is enough, thank you very much!! Lmao. He just keeps shutting them down. It's also the way he says it, the intonation. Sound annoyed, lol.

Says he'll play 3D and say his goodbyes, which he does. Sings along to 3D as well, ad-libbing at the end, kind of wondering if this is something we will be getting in his live performances. It does feel like he chooses to sing certain lyrics while not others, in both Seven and 3D.

Then he says his goodbyes, to look forward to the album, to know that he is always thinking of us, to have a wonderful night and day and thanks us again .

So that's it. JK's live. Missed these lives of his, as exhausting as writing these posts are, lol. This is Jungkook. Cute and funny and serious and sincere.

[jon-withnoh]

Hello! Hope this isn't a bother, but do you have any tips for thinking up plots? I mean for the whole story. Reading Nie Wirst made me want to try to write something longer, but I'm a bit lost since all I've ever written are short one-shots or drabbles. Again, hope this isn't bothering you, feel free to ignore it! Also, this goes without saying but I'm looking forward to the sequel if you do write it

Hi! I love this question, thank you for asking it 😊 I'm pretty sure you'd get a variation of answers depending on who you ask, so my way might not necessarily work for you. (I'm thinking of this as a fun Pick&Mix of things that work for me and might work for others.)

My strategies differ for different kinds of writing. When I'm working on a poetry collection, it sometimes takes years to accumulate enough individual poems that fit together for me to start working on the arc or through-line of that collection. This just for context, since you did ask me about prose.

Whether for fanfiction or original fiction, I've found that I can only keep up my motivation for a longer piece if I am absolutely obsessed with it. Was wird aus uns was born from the immediate aftermath of me seeing Rebecca in Vienna, reading the book and pretty much every single fic on Ao3 and just needing those two fools to be okay. That one really came out of pure obsession. Nie wirst Du was a lot more considered and since the plot is quite complex, I did plan things ahead of time.

I'm going to try and sum up some of the things that I need in order to sustain my focus for a longer piece of writing under the cut!

I need to be absolutely obsessed with the initial idea. No matter how interesting a concept or fic idea is in theory, if it doesn't have that spark of obsession I might toss it around in my head for fun, but I won't actually write it. If an idea doesn't grip me enough that I'm constantly looking forward to the next plot point I'm "working towards", then I'll get bored and abandon the piece. This is especially true for fic. For Was wird aus uns, the first plot point everything was moving towards was their first kiss. Then Christmas, and then, finally, Danny's collapse and the changes that it brought. With Nie Wirst Du, I was constantly hooked, tbh. It's a little bit like a soap opera in that it has many twists and turns, very complicated relationship dynamics and many big feelings. Some plot points I was working towards there were the tea party and the costume ball. Once I knew what the fallout from the ball was going to be, I had a much better idea of how things would continue to escalate develop.

I figured out how I need to approach plot. A friend of mine is a hardcore plotter with detailed outlines, diagrams and everything. I used to try and approach plot like that with the result that by the time I'd thought everything through, I was bored and didn't actually write the story anymore. The thing I do is apparently called pantsing. It means I know the inciting incident of the story, maybe a few major plot points and I have at least a vague idea of how I want it to end. There is an overarching structure, but it's loose enough that it keeps me interested. I can decide to add or take away smaller plot elements without having to do major rewrites.

There needs to be a drive to the story. I need a sense of movement when I'm writing. Even if a story is set entirely in one place, there needs to be some undercurrent of change or development. If the story feels static, I don't have any way of getting a character from point A to point B.

I write the things I want to see. If you find yourself looking through Ao3 thinking "I wish someone had written about xyz", then that might be a sign for you to write the fic you're looking for! For example, I needed a happy ending for Danny and Ich, so I wrote one. Then I became really interested in learning more about Rebecca as a character. Who is she outside of the stories being told about her? To find that out, I needed a story where she was alive and since I didn't want to write a prequel, the idea for Nie Wirst Du was born.

I hope this was somewhat help or at least interesting! It also really helps to have a person who's just as excited about your story idea as you are. They might ask you questions you hadn't considered and give you a whole new insight into what you're writing. Feel free to ask more questions about this if you want. This was really fun!

[originalswifty89]

To the people who feel the need to constantly comment on posts about Taylor Swift with statements like “I just don’t get the hype, she’s so overrated, I’d never pay to go see her,” THATS FINE.

(General Rule: Not everything you see on the internet is for you specifically. I’m sure you are very special, but not everything out there is directly created for you. It’s perfectly fine to scroll past a post without sharing your every thought on the matter and just letting other people enjoy what they want)

Her music and style may not be for everyone and that’s fine. No one is forcing you to even try and like her. When people make posts or articles about Taylor, they write them for the others out there like them who DO care. Who do “get it.”

Many of us who were close in age to Taylor when she first hit the scene have been here the entire time because she was able to put life (yes, teenage-type) experiences that we had all been through into beautiful lyrics that were relatable to us. It felt like she was someone we knew. Like one of our friends or even someone we saw ourselves in!! She was very open about who she was and what her life was like. She was very technically savvy and found ways to make connections with her fans from afar.

Young fans heard her, saw her, and admired her right from the start because she’s just so sweet and really tries to be a role model for her younger fans.

Older fans heard her and appreciated her art and work.

Taylor is the kind of artist that we only fell more in love with the more we learned about her- not just artistically but personally. She made everything so freaking personal for her fans: she has stayed late after events to meet every single fan, she would stop fans on the street to take pictures with them, she has sent fans Christmas gifts, she has sent fans money, she doesn’t cancel shows, she always sings live, she plays games with her fans and is playful with us over inside jokes, she leaves secret messages and clues in her work for us to find, she hand picks fans from the internet and from her shows to come meet her (she has never done paid meet and greets), she makes homemade deserts for her fans, she literally invited fans into her homes numerous times, she shows up to fans weddings and sings for them, I could truly go on forever describing how amazing she treats her fans and what a incredibly kind person she is.

But early on, she always had one thing that set her aside from all of the other pop-stars that we knew- she wrote all of her own songs and played guitar. Every single song she has put out has been written either entirely by herself or written with other writers to convey a concept that Taylor came up with. This may not seem impressive to those that compare her to the Beatles, Springsteen, Elvis, whoever- but that’s the point. She’s a pop-star being compared to the literal greats of all time!!! She was 15 when she landed her first record deal, but what most people don’t realize is she was even younger when she signed with Sony as a song writer. 14 years olds. 14 years old and she had a job writing songs for a major company. That is impressive. No matter what style of music you are interested in. She has amazing range with her music. Sometimes she just makes poppy bops for the sake of fun, sometimes it’s a poem about her deepest fear at in the forms of a song, sometimes it’s a pop sounding song with a deeper concept, she has more reach than people want to admit to.

The fact that all of her music is produced in her mind is special, whether or not you think it’s great music, it’s special. And it’s even more special that millions of people around the world relate to and enjoy it.

Early on Taylor made her mark on the music industry, but even more importantly, she engaged with her fans and treated us like close friends. She didn’t put up a wall or place herself on a pedestal like most celebrities did at the time. She understood that her success rested squarely on her fans’ shoulders, so she made very strong bonds early on and we’ve been here the whole time. She wasn’t just someone who’s songs we liked, she was someone we liked who also happened to write relatable songs.

So the next time you feel like posting “i don’t get it on a Taylor Swift post,” remember this.

[nervousladytraveler]

Why would Poldark tv series writer DH have Ross say to Eliz S1Ep8 that Dem is the "love of his life" (not in WG books) when she is ill, then afterwards still have him pine and lust after Eliz constantly in series. Is it to show Ross as a duplicitous cad? Was it just to show his blind foolhardy idealization and obsession about Eliz because he was denied her. Don't get why she had Ross say that about Dem if it wasn't genuine and truly heartfelt. Why put it in? Doesn't make sense. What's your take?

Thanks for the ask, @anonymous. I’ve been giving this some thought (and will try to be succinct in my reply). Short answer: screen writers can have short memories. I remember feeling this frustration even as a kid watching something happen in one episode of a beloved show (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries? Remington Steele?) that was conveniently left behind for plot purposes moving forward. And I’d shout at my TV, “Did they think we wouldn’t remember?!”

Or…perhaps it's not that simple. 

Maybe it was just easy for Ross to throw out the phrase “love of his life” because the situation was so dire. Nothing makes us love a person more than when we fear death, ours or theirs. (There’s a really lovely and sort of funny Mary Oliver poem on this very subject but I can’t remember the title). I don’t actually believe that he didn't really mean it, by the way, just offering it as an option.

Or maybe Debbie H. deliberately used that line to show us how complicated Ross and his feelings were. Sure he loved Elizabeth in one way but Demelza was the real deal. And it was really necessary in that moment in S1.8 for the audience to see a declaration of love for Demelza, so we could get through all the other horrible, painfully sad bits of that episode. It was the only saving grace, really.

If that’s the case, did DH have a memory lapse or a change of heart/direction moving forward? I mean she had to have known all the stuff Winston Graham mapped out for S2 when she wrote that line for S1. Does this make Ross a hypocrite or was she trying to show us how he lost sight of his true feelings for Demelza in S2 since we already knew she was the “love of his life” from S1?

Or were there some other lines written for S2 or even S3 that were edited out that would have helped us reconcile this inconsistency? I just read that the original scripts for S2.10 had Ross openly declaring his love for Demelza at the Trenwith riot in front of George and Elizabeth but that it was cut (not sure if it was filmed then edited out or edited out of the script before it was even filmed).

That said, considering the wildly inconsistent ride we had in S3, I can also see DH just playing around with lines, ignoring what had been established because she had somewhere else she wanted to go. And she did push Elizabeth to the center of the story far longer than WG did, so that pesky “love of my life” line she created must have proven very inconvenient for her!

Also, I have to admit, I hate the phrase “love of my life” as much as I don't dig the concept of "soulmate". I think they are really limiting and I think it is possible to love different people in different ways at different times as you grow and become a different person yourself. Sometimes you are lucky and can keep that one great love with you for years and years and sometimes you lose a great love. But I do think you can move on and find another, different, love. Ok--that's not the question you asked me.

Lastly, I wonder if the phrase is a bit anachronistic? I haven’t been able to find the origins of it but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard it used in 18th/19th c. dialogue.  Totally possible that I’m wrong and it's even some old expression that can be traced back to Roman Latin poetry. Or maybe it's a relatively modern take? Anyone with intel on that, I’m all ears.

Thanks for asking (and so much for being succinct).

[steveskafte]

THE MARGINS CAGE Being a writer has nothing to do with writing. Literacy is merely a tool in aid of communication, a way to get our thoughts down on paper so that they can be read at a distance defined by time or space. Even writing for ourselves (like in a private diary), is merely an extension of memory. Scribbling down a series of otherwise meaningless marks that we've given meaning, so we can save ourselves from forgetting the information that they represent. For most of human history, the people we now call "writers" never physically wrote anything at all. That included teachers, historians, poets, comedians, singers, storytellers, and playwrights. All of their communication was oral, and all of their words were memorized. Later on, in the early years of the printing press, it was often lamented by intellectuals that upcoming generations would falter in their social interactions – because they would come to rely too heavily on reading and writing. Now, we've come full circle to find some looking down on those who prefer to speak and listen over reading from a page. They might claim that those who prefer audio books aren't "really reading", forgetting that the information conveyed contains the only true value that words are capable of having. Once again, it's important to note that whether written or spoken – words are merely representations of thoughts. They are not the thoughts themselves. I always struggled to remain interested in reading as a child, trying to keep my imagination active enough to see past the inherent dullness of black text on white pages. This was a strange experience for someone who felt like their mind was constantly crowded with thoughts and emotions in need of escape. I was too shy for conversation, but too easily distracted for extensive reading and writing. So I felt locked in my own head. The shift started when I fell in love with the work of songwriters. I was amazed at how their lyrics could do everything I craved in expressing emotion, all without the difficulty of having to translate from a page to my mind. Their songs made me want to be a writer, to work with words for the rest of my life – when all previous writers had left me feeling like this was an impossible mountain to climb. This is why I consider everything I compose in terms of thinking and speaking – not writing. Typing or handwriting are only methods of getting it across, just like public speaking or audio recordings, but the final result remains identical. All of my poems are written out loud, and only turned into text later. Even a short essay like this is arranged in my head a line or two at a time before being committed to the page. Perhaps this is all so painfully obvious, but I don't think we talk about it enough. Many folks are turned off from being writers because they've been told that there's only one way to do it. If you're dyslexic, it might be a struggle to read or write long strings of text, and unenjoyable even if you manage. If you've got a short attention span like me, you might never care to bother. That's part of why I love short form work, and why it's most of what I create – it's simply more accessible. I'm not the first to try and separate the concept of words from writing, but maybe I'm the first to say to you. If you've got a burning desire to communicate what's inside, you might feel more at home with a less expected method of working with words. There's a wonderful wealth beyond the world of text on pages. Don't let the margins cage you in. July 16, 2024 Phinney's Cove, Nova Scotia Year 17, Day 6092 of my daily journal.

[electromelancholy]

This post about Kim's jackets and the volta of course has my mind all twisted and excited because the way this is phrased, the concept of it, just gets me so fascinated with the Volta.

I know that it's usual to consider the Volta as a stable thing or piece of poetry to repeat as pilots and paledrivers push through the seas of Pale, and it's certainly canon to think so (the fact that it's taught at school like a pledge or prayer is new to me and brings up all kinds of thoughts of dolorian 'secularity', nationalism, especially colonialism, but that's not for this post I don't think).

But imitating the creation process of poetry... !! That's not recitation. The creation of poetry is like... It's a muscle to flex like any other, though not one that we particularly honor even when we teach it. Even reading poetry looks more economical than it is, which makes it very difficult to teach in the way that we teach anything, even in a university setting.

There's the structure, though--that can be taught. You can teach a group of people how to create a certain poem, what the rhyming scheme is. You can teach the structure's history, the mood, the ways it's best used--have you ever seen that thing where someone wrote a limerick (in mood) as a haiku (in structure) and vice versa? (this is the best set of examples i can find that's not a deep fried jpg)

There's something more than just ABAB CC in a poem, and I think there's something more than a repeated poem in a true Volta, too. I kind of talk about how I view it in my fic but the Pale breaks everything down even linguistics at a point, which I'm taking to mean that at some point the ability to move thoughts into meaning into words ceases, spoken and unspoken...

So giving sailors and aerostatic pilots a beat, a structure to keep thoughts in a row when their thoughts may make sense to them but not in a way that matters could help push them through the moment. Thoughts move through the structure, the meaning is retained even if separated from the matter (signified/signifier), and with that beat they remain familiar to themselves.

This is getting long but I guess what I mean is like: the Volta do Mar is probably something that completely reshapes your patterns of thinking and has to persist constantly, in and out of the Pale, to create a tether strong enough to bring peoples' minds back and the thought of this just makes me SO excited to think about

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

Hello!

I read that poem you wrote about your gender not translating into modern language...is that something that applies to you? What word would it be in your language/how is gender percieved in that language?

Another thing, and I am aware this is influenced by islamophobia, so feel free to ignore me of course: with the regulations of muslim veiling practices in France and Afghanistan I've had some discussions about whether or not those veils represent a culture of suppressing women.

Since neither I nor anyone around me is muslim, I was wondering what your take on that is. I'm guessing it's a personal choice for you, but do you think sometimes there might be pressure on women to veil to set them apart from 'liberal' cultures with the thought process of 'our women should not intermingle with those other ppl'?

I hope that's okay to ask...

Have a nice day!

The gender poem, yes! That is about my experiences, and I unfortunately can't tell you the words I would use for my gender. Part of the poem is about colonization, I do not know my ancestors language because colonization took that from me. And as my ancestors had a culture that didn't have the same concept of gender binary, there were people who didn't fit into the gender binary that was brought by colonization, and they were normal respected members of society. I feel my gender is like that, it's something pre-colonization, I truly have nothing in common with white nonbinary people, and nonbinary in general doesn't exactly fit either because it's something older than when the gender binary was introduced here. But because of colonization I only speak the language of colonizers, and not the language of my ancestors which would have the words for my gender.

With regards to veiling, it's a rather nuanced subject. There are certainly times or places where people are forced or pressured into veiling, but veiling is not inherently about suppressing women. Banning Muslim veils doesn't offer freedom, it is just controlling what women can wear. Forcing muslim women not to veil is the same issue of oppressing women that people think is a problem. Muslim women should be free to choose what they wear, and that includes choosing to wear a veil. And people should not assume every veiled Muslim is being forced to wear a veil, you don't know how many times people have been concerned and thought that there's some man in my life (a father or a husband) thats forcing me to veil, when if anything, I am pressured and encouraged not to veil and my family constantly makes sure I'm not feeling like I have to veil.

When it comes to people thinking hijab is oppressive, I think you should look at Nuns. Nuns cover their hair and dress modestly, why aren't they seen as oppressed? There are plenty of high fashion looks with scarves, why aren't those looks seen as oppressive? If someone wears a hoodie and a face mask for covid, they're covered up almost the exact amount I am, why isn't that seen as oppressive? These questions make it apparent that people only are opposed to veils because they're Muslim.

More or less, the TL:DR of the issue of banning veils is controlling what women can wear doesnt fix an issue of people controlling what women wear.

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

Hi! I've heard you're really into Jerbric, and I love Jerbric too, so... Jerbric for that ship ask game?

I am really into that ship! I’m not sure when I got so attached to them but god I love them so much, they’re one of my biggest comfort ships right now? I just… they’re so cute. Look at them.

(One of these days that comm art is probably gonna get its own post but for now have it here)

Ship it

What made you ship it?

Kinda similar to the thing I wrote about Emira and Viney actually. I’ve liked the concept for a bit, but what got me really into it was actually writing them. There was this moment I wrote out where they just clicked and honestly? I can’t stress enough how beautiful it is to watch two characters fall in love so naturally as you write. It just flows, and they just… work, and honestly at this point I’m dying to talk about them more because this somehow became one of the ships I’m most attached to?

I’m huge on opposites attract. I also find Jerbo’s anxiousness very very relatable and I honestly think that would mix with Edric’s personality super well? Like, Ed has this confidence that he mostly uses to mask his real feelings because he’s scared to be vulnerable, and Jerbo’s whole thing is that he’s, yes, not very confident and nervous pretty easily but also very open about how he really feels. He, Viney and Barcus are obviously super close and always help each other out, while Ed and Em have this thing going where despite being generally supportive of each other they mostly just… ignore their issues by masking them with jokes. Behind closed doors, Ed breaks down a lot more than Em does, but publicly he always forces his emotions back in and honestly he’s miserable as hell with it.

I feel like since being made aware of it Edric like, constantly wonders if he’s a burden to Em and he really struggles with that, too. (Em wanting space is perfectly valid for the record, but I still feel like Ed struggles with that concept.)

I feel like Jerbo would help Edric a lot when it comes to opening up more, and also reassure him a lot that he isn’t a burden and in fact lovely to be around. He finds the more silly part that Em is always kinda annoyed with super endearing and cute and I just… love that thought. I also feel like Ed could help Jerbo learn to mask his feelings better in situations when it’s necessary (e.g. not seeming super nervous when he’s forced to do a presentation in front of the class), and he’d also help Jerbo be more confident in general. Ed jokes around a lot but he also seems like the kind of person that will not have Jerbo be self-deprecating. He picks up the difference between someone joking around and like, actually being anxious and hurting. Jerbo has moments when he’s like “what is there to like about me?” And he’s certain when Edric asks if he wants a list Edric is kidding, but he is in fact very much not kidding and comes back with a heartfelt, well thought out list five minutes later.

Ed is always, always encouraging Jerbo to talk more about himself because he likes listening to Jerbo. And he’s constantly cheering Jerbo on when it comes to… basically everything.

Also since Edric canonically writes poems, he leaves those everywhere for Jerbo to find. Jerbo keeps all of them, and has at least one with him at all times.

…this isn’t even about the question anymore, I realize that, but I also don’t really care that much, lol

What are your favorite things about the ship?

Jerbo just… melting over how good Edric looks in a dress gets me every time. How supportive they are of each other. Edric somehow being the more anxious one when they’re together. Flustered Edric. Flustered both of them honestly. They’re out shopping and Jerbo glances at something once and Ed immediately buys it just bc he can. They’re so soft and good for each other and I love it so much. Also I feel like Ed is a very cuddly person so just like, them hanging out and making each other laugh and eventually napping off cuddling…

Honestly I really like to imagine they get tired of Em and Viney being stubborn and eventually sic them on each other so they can hang back and just… nap, the thought is so funny to me

Edric taking Jerbo’s last name is so good, too… 🥺

Also Edric would so steal abomination books from his dad to help Jerbo study.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I got… so so attached to Edric wanting to go into plants when he was a kid. Jerbo is super patient but at the beginning also kinda confused? He can’t really imagine Ed wants to go into plants and kinda thinks he’s kidding, but Jerbo does agree to give him lessons Ed is so so excited and Jerbo thinks it’s really cute. They also kinda help each other study that way which I think would be very cute.

Don’t know if this is unpopular, I’ve just never seen this covered, but Jerbo’s family absolutely adores Ed. His little siblings absolutely adore Edric, and Edric is just like… totally amazed about them liking him so much. I don’t know why, but I feel like Ed would be really good with kids.

Jerbo’s moms love him too. Donna is an absolute tease (she never lets the poem Ed accidentally sent her go), but she also teaches Ed to cook and they joke around a lot. Ilana is a bit more strict but still very nice to him, sometimes they watch sports together and she lets him help around the farm and Edric really enjoys that.

Speaking of clothes, Edric keeps borrowing random clothing items from Jerbo and forgetting to return them, and Jerbo is too flustered to ask for them back because Edric looks so cute in them. (Edric just wants to wear oversized hoodies, really, so he’s very delighted that he finally gets to)

I also do like the concept of Jerbo eventually getting a bit more flirty? I don’t think he’d ever be like, Edric-levels, but in a long term relationship I can definitely see him getting better at that. Edric thinks it’s very cute.

Also they so have nicknames for each other. Edric calls Jerbo Jerbs one time and it unfortunately sticks 😂

And related to the plants track thing and also as a pun with his hair, Jerbo calls Edric sprout.

Can you tell I’m like totally obsessed with them at this point XD

I love them so much they make me so soft…

[tobiosmilktea]

Heyy~hope you’re doing well!

Could you do a hc for Osamu, Akaashi and Sakusa whose s/o is really passionate about literature. You can almost always catch her reading, writing narratives and poems etc. Thank you, in advance!! Take care♥️

poetry and the muse w/ osamu, akaashi, and sakusa

— m. osamu

being atsumu’s brother and constantly being at his side for a good portion of his daily life, it’s really nice getting to spend quality time with you even if you’re both in your own worlds

you definitely weren’t as loud and rambunctious as atsumu when you liked reading all the time

if anything, it’s just one less thing to worry about when osamu knows you’d most likely be in the library after school writing until his practice is over

he’s never been one to likes to read, especially on his down time when there’s so much more he could possibly do, but when it came down to you he doesn’t mind

honestly, you’re writing is so intricate and well written and sometimes osamu has a hard time keeping up with your usage of vocabulary any hyogo native would never say on a normal day nor does he necessarily understand a lot of what your poems mean

you don’t mind explaining a lot of these things to your boyfriend as it’s not hard for him to grasp the concept

overall, osamu likes listening to just talk to him about your passion the same way you listen to him talk about this new recipe he found on pinterest or something

literally the first time you’ve ever slept over at his place, he made you read him a bedtime story as if he was a little kid

it was really cute and homeboy really did fall asleep to you reading haruki murakami

— a. keiji

akaashi would definitely think a trip to the library would be considered a date and you’ve never been so excited

there’s something intimate about being tucked up at a random corner of a public library, away from everyone else as silence and books upon books surrounded you two

sure, akaashi was not as big as a bookworm as you, but he liked having a good novel on him to read occasionally

every month your boyfriend would ask you for book recommendations to which you would text him a full on list of 10+ books for him to read next, but he only had the time to read maybe two of those on your list

your usual weekend dates with akaashi would consist of trips of the bookstore before going to the coffee shop next door where you two would read or talk for hours

both you and akaashi are typically on the quieter side of things and preferred each other’s presence over everything. there wasn’t an incessant need to fill in that void of silence where talking would usually fill in as having each other’s company is enough

he loves reading your pieces of writing

whether it’s an essay for your literature class or just a random piece of poetry you wrote while you were bored during math class, he would always read it

i headcanon that akaashi + dark academia aesthetic = *chefs kiss*

— s. kiyoomi

would most likely grimace at how dusty your large book collection has gotten the first time he comes over to your house

i can totally see sakusa dusting off your bookshelves and the cute knick-knacks along with it while you’re reading or writing

occasionally when you run into bad cases of writers’ block, your boyfriend is always there to help you gain ideas or inspiration even if it meant some time off from your desk and onto your bed lmao (iykyk)

unlike akaashi who actively tries to read your works, sakusa on the other hand only reads your writing when you ask him to

it’s not like he doesn’t want to read what you have written. he knows how talented you are, but he also knows that you might not be comfortable sharing certain pieces of work especially if they’re too personal even for him to see

sakusa has never been the kind to show his feelings so easily, often times he shows them by buying you copies of books you’ve been wanting for ages now

they��re all hard covers too so homeboy got money

will probably make you research about germs or something when you haven’t decided on an essay topic yet lmao

[itsfunorwhateva]

Sweet Creature

Hi! I’m back with some more of an analysis type post! I hope this helps with a deeper understanding. I’ve provided sources where I got my information. I really tried to set this up and write this in a very informational/analysis way so it isn’t strictly an opinion. Also I want to say I haven’t read the entirety of Othello, but I have read some scenes and read complete analysis of the play to write this. Without further ado... Sweet Creature. 

While it seems that some people have a general understanding that Sweet Creature by Harry Styles references the tragedy, Othello written by William Shakespeare, most people don’t get why that is huge, not only in terms of Harry making this decision, but also in support of Sweet Creature being about Louis Tomlinson. 

So I’m going to break this into three parts to help make this make the most sense. 

1. The reference Harry Styles makes in his song, to the play Othello

2. Why an Othello reference is huge; more on the play

3. William Shakespeare and his sexuality/coding in other works

These will make more sense with further explanation(duh), but I’m hoping this will connect the dots. Also, a quick disclaimer before we begin, this information is coming off of google searches, and analysis that I’m reading, and some from information I researched for a research paper on William Shakespeare. I am in no way an expert on song analysis, literature analysis, or on William Shakespeare and his personal life. I really just hope to give people a base to start themselves on more research, and understanding of the topic. Happy reading!

1. The reference Harry Styles makes in his song, to the play Othello

Now there is not much to dig up or uncover here as the reference is actually pretty obvious. The term Sweet Creature, in which the song is titled, is said to have originated from the play Othello. Act 3, Scene 3, specifically is where the term of endearment (this is important to note, Sweet Creature is used as a term of loving, endearment) is first seen. 

“In sleep I heard him say ‘Sweet Desdemona, Let us be wary, let us hide our loves.’ And then, sir, would he gripe and wring my hand, Cry ‘O sweet creature!’ and then kiss me hard“ (Othello III, iii ,428-432). 

Some context for these lines of dialogue Act 3, Scene 3 is Iago telling Othello about his wife cheating on him. The scene has multiple instances of Iago expressing love for Othello, basically saying how Iago would not be telling Othello this if he didn’t love him so much. More on that for our next section. This first appearance of the term “sweet creature” is Iago telling Othello what he heard a man speak to Othello’s wife while the two were in bed together, all in a dream. Now the idea of cheating is not something to be too hung up on, but this is the context in which sweet creature first appears. While the term, Sweet Creature, is said form man to women - it is revealed to the husband from another man. Iago in which it is said may have homosexual desires/feeling towards Othello in this play. Personally I believe that Iago almost uses the term as a way to convince Othello that his wife is being loved by someone else, and maybe Othello should leave her to be with someone, like Iago, that could love him better. 

Sources for this section!

Harry Styles References Othello in new Single, Sweet Creature

https://genius.com/a/harry-styles-references-shakespeare-s-othello-on-new-single-sweet-creature#:~:text=The%20song's%20title%2C%20%E2%80%9CSweet%20Creature,originate%20in%20William%20Shakespeare's%20Othello.

Othello play

https://www.sparknotes.com/nofear/shakespeare/othello/page_166/

2. Why an Othello reference is huge; more on the play

Deeper meanings behind the characters and the play obviously take a bit more time and effort to really understand. Depending on what angle and the kind of understanding you have about the characters and situation in Othello you’ll think one way or another. Othello is partially about homosexuality (in a way that it is not the whole plot, but it does play a major part if you understand the context/characters). Not everyone thinks this and it’s normally not brought in class discussion/normal educational settings, but the fact remains. 

There are a few things throughout the plays that hint towards the characters sexualities. When looked at in the right light and context it can help make sense of not only Harry Styles’ reference, and way choosing Othello to reference is kind of a big deal, but also a better understanding of the play. One article writes, “In William Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Othello the Moor of Venice Shakespeare leaves the character of Iago’s sexuality to be questioned. Although Iago has a wife, he drops slight hints throughout the play that he has homosexual thoughts or feelings toward other characters, but he uses his position in the military and his fear to suppress these feelings. These “hints” are shown through his wildly questionable story about Michael Cassio, his word choice when describing Othello, and his discourse with Rodrigo” (Homosexuality in Othello). 

The character Iago is a military officer, and it shouldn’t take a genius to understand that being in the military and being homosexual only equal no good. The American policy in the military of “don’t ask, don’t tell” was/is a more modern day policy but still shows how military personal were/are expected and required to act in regards to being homosexual. Simply speaking, don’t. Now thinking even more to Shakespearean time, an even greater restriction was likely in place for homosexuality and the military. This part of the character, Iago, is likely a huge reason people overlook any thought of the character having homosexual desires/thoughts. 

Even if you remove the circumstances surrounding Iago, and him being a military officer there are some others things throughout the play that hint towards possible homosexual desire/feelings. Iago is constantly informing Othello of his love for the other man, claiming to always be Othello’s, should he want him. Some of this can be chalked up to the language of the time, in being, love was used for both friend, and lover, but the extent in which Iago professes may hint towards something deeper. Others things include, Iago claiming to have “lay with” Cassio, another male character, and while some say this is simply in the barracks as fellow soldiers, others think this could have been to hint at being lovers. 

One other thing that isn’t necessarily the play at face value, but still supports the idea of Iago being homosexual, is that actors throughout history have chosen to play him either as a straight or gay characters. While, this could simply be a creative decision based on an actor individually, it still seems a bit huge. If nothing in the text supported Iago being gay, there would not be actors playing him this way. 

Sources for this section!

Homosexuality in Othello

https://www.cram.com/essay/Homosexuality-In-Othello/P3Z2W7LCX5Q

Is Iago Gay in Othello?

https://www.arogundade.com/homosexuality-in-shakespeare-is-iago-gay-in-othello.html

3. William Shakespeare and his sexuality/coding in other works

Final section is really just me helping you understand the feasibility of William Shakespeare writing his characters this way. There’s essentially two parts to understanding this and I’m going to try and help this make the most sense without going too overboard. One part is going to be how William Shakespeare has written other works. I’m going to focus more on his sonnets because I’ve already researched them for a paper in school, but they still stand with this point. The second part is going to be William Shakespeare’s own sexuality and why this is going to affect his written work.

Ok, so the sonnets. 

“The sonnets have a contrasting set of subjects - one set chronicles the poet's lust for a married woman with a dark complexion, known as The Dark Lady, while the other describes a conflicted or confused love for a young man, known as the "fair youth."‘ (William Shakespeare, his Life, Works, and Influence). 

So the sonnets were pretty revolutionary, exploring concepts such as love, lust, and even same sex relationships. This is observed in Shakespeare’s use of gender neutral terms and male pronouns, depending on the sonnet. This is pretty huge. When I did a sonnet analysis I chose two sonnets, which I’ll provide (Sonnet 18 and 29 - both are pretty well known and brought up in regarded to hidden messages/meanings). Both used pronouns that were either male or neutral, something that has been used forever to queer code in works, so do with that information what you will. A common analysis, is that William Shakespeare often wrote from personal experience, more so in his poems and sonnets, then in his plays, but nonetheless. 

Second part, Shakespeare’s own sexuality. William Shakespeare was married to a women, but that doesn’t exactly say much. Men were known to get married because it is the thing to do, without necessarily having any feelings or desires towards said women. 

When Shakespeare’s sexuality comes into question there a few things that are addressed. I definitely recommend reading the first source for this section, “Was Shakespeare Gay?”, it gives you a really good analysis and explores so many faucets of the question. I’m going to sum up the article and you can either read more or just take what I’ll explain. 

The article explains that when looking at Shakespeare’s works he is really good at getting into the minds of his characters, without necessarily having the experience to match the character, i.e. writing from Cleopatra’s perspective, or from a gay man’s perspective. However on the flip side of that, when Shakespeare writes of same sex experiences, he seems to have a wide variety of knowledge of very specific references and experiences, maybe leaning towards him having these experiences. People point out that Shakespeare’s sonnets are his most personal works, and imagine that, they are also the ones that reference same sex attraction and love. Now of course there is way more in the source, but here’s what I think are the most important/key points. It’s important to remember that sexuality is only able to be labeled by the person, but from different works, and cultural ideals, there are certain things to be said about Shakespeare himself. 

Sources for this section!

Was Shakespeare Gay?

https://www.shakespeare.org.uk/explore-shakespeare/podcasts/lets-talk-shakespeare/was-shakespeare-gay/

William Shakespeare, his Life, Works, and Influence

https://www.williamshakespeare.net/

Sonnet 18

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45087/sonnet-18-shall-i-compare-thee-to-a-summers-day

Sonnet 29

https://www.williamshakespeare.net/sonnet-29.js

Finally

Thank you for reading and I hope this made you think a bit. I want to repeat that I am in no way an expert, nor am I claiming to be. You are more than welcome to think whichever way you want about this information and I invite you to do your own further research. I hope this helped explain the reference and the importance of said reference in Harry Styles’, “Sweet Creature”. Thank you for reading, let me know what you think, and as always TPWK. xx

[melodyalanaroster]

To answer some Fanfic Questions...

So, this is my response to @broxklynn‘s post... I decided to make this its own post... So that It can be properly answered.

1. How and why did you start to write? Is there some kind of story behind it?

I started writing in general when I was in elementary school... Back when I just had a Platform 9 3/4 journal, not many friends, recess, and a desire to immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter. I enjoyed writing, and even joined the Writer’s Club in High School (but I eventually left to join Anime Club and Divergent Thinking Society). As for writing MCL fanfiction, I began writing Sam’s and Alana’s stories as early as when I first got into the fandom, back in 2013. Alana’s story started out as “A Fresh Start”, had a one shot called “When I Wake”, then turned into “Let The Dawn Be Broken”, and is now “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. The final product barely has any hints of the first 3... In fact, Sam’s story, “Fighting Darkness”, has been completely debunked due to what I’ve decided to canonize in “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. Writing MCL fanfiction has been a major help in distracting me from the depression that was caused by family issues, severe abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, my mom’s disease and her death, as well as working at several shitty jobs. Writing has helped me escape reality and keep myself sane enough to not be a black hole of hate, anger, and sadness to my friends and boyfriend.

2. What do you struggle the most with your writing?

There are 2 major things I struggle with... 1 is Timing. I often set deadlines for myself that I never meet and it makes me so frustrated that I miss them... There are currently things in my drafts that were meant to be “Holiday Specials” for Valentine’s Day and Halloween 2020 that are still unfinished... It makes me feel like I’m letting my readers down, when its more of me letting myself down... The other thing is Inspiration. Because I hate my job, I often think about Alana’s story in an effort to not be completely consumed by the fact that I do hate my work... Due to that, I often come up with ideas for my story that I think are FANTASTIC for my story... But, by the time I get home, I’m either in too much pain or too tired to write, or I’ve forgotten the ideas...

3. What is your favorite genre to write?

I love writing Romance with a bit of Slice of Life and a hint of Action/Adventure... 

4. Slowburn or “Flame”/PWP?

Slow burn any day.

5. How do you overcome writer’s block?

If I absolutely can’t write... I work on other stuff I need to do... Typically, something around the house, or something online I need to do... I also look for cool stuff to add to wish lists... I’ll occasionally play videogames or read comic books... In an effort to subvert writer’s block, I like having multiple chapters in my drafts at once. If I’m not in the mood to work on one chapter, I can work on a different one.

6. What kind of thing you dislike the most, when reading a fanfiction? (for example: particular plot, grammar mistakes)

One thing that makes me upset (and it makes me madder when I do this) is misspelling... Especially when it looks like its almost blatant... You have autocorrect, USE IT! Or when a fanfic is so awful, yet the author acts like their work is a gift from god... I don’t mind a “bad” fanfiction... Hell, the concept of “My Immortal” is so bad that its hilarious... But Fifty Shades did a lot of damage and E.L. James acts like she’s bigger than Jesus... Seriously, she wrote Twilight fanfiction, changed some minor details and names, people who have no knowledge of BDSM ate it up, and she acts like she’s a “Sex and Relationship Guru”...

7. What’s the biggest issue for you, when writing a Beemoov fanfiction?

The biggest issue for me is finding out when to allow for Beemoov’s writing and placement to take place in my story. I don’t like a lot of the events of UL and LL, so I’m often finding myself in a position where I have to watch video playthroughs and go “Okay, how can I omit this character, but keep this scene?”. I’ve had to do that A LOT with Alexy and Rosalaya.... Although, to a certain extent, I’ll often cut their scenes out altogether. I really hate what Beemoov did to them. They were great characters in HSL, but became utter shit in UL and stayed shit in LL. To make up for Beemoov’s writing style, I’ve created my own characters, added in old characters (like Kentin and Armin), added in bits from the manga (like Viktor, Severina and their fathers), and gone off on my own storyline. The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster is close to MCL at times, but often veers off onto its own road.

8. Have you ever created a character based on person in real life? (celebrity, someone that you know, etc)

YES!!! A LOT of characters in my story are based on real people! Alana’s step-father, Nate Films, is closely based on Nathan Fillion. A lot of her family members are based on members of my own family, just changed a bit to fit the story. Lynne Roster, Alana’s mom, is what I had always dreamed my own mom would be... Hell, Alana’s cat, Sylvester, is based on my own childhood cat, Luna.

9. How do you feel about your own characters? Do you think of them as your babies or have rather love-hate relationship with them? (And, do you have favorite one?)

I love most of my characters. I do hate 3 in particular... But, you’re supposed to hate, or at least not respect, them... That’s why I poured my hatred into them... Those 3 are Carol, Kai and Azrael. Carol has aspects of my abuser in her. You’ll see more of her when I finally post the HSL related chapters... And understand what I mean... Kai is based on one of my real life cousins that I’ve not been happy with for years (the one who my bf has deemed “the family failure”). You mainly see him in the Cousin Mels chapters, and in the Christmas Special... Azrael is the one who is seen the most in the UL chapters, and she is a main adversary for Alana. She is the one who broke her the most, the one who ended Alana’s relationship with Nathaniel, the one who truly traumatized her. As for ones I love... The one I love the most is Alana... I know, she’s a reflection of me, so that’s kind of vain... But, she’s a part of me. When I do finish her story and am at the point where I need to say “Goodbye”, it will hurt....

10. Enemies-to-lovers or friends/bestfriends-to lovers?

Definitely friends/best friends to lovers. I also like toying with what happens when best friends turn to lovers, but circumstance parts them and one moves on...

11. Is it easy for you to get inside your character’s head? Can you empathize with them? Is there’s some similarities between you and your main character?

It is VERY easy for me to get into Alana’s head... Like I said in #9, she is a reflection of me. She looks and acts like how I’d like to in a lot of situations... Her life is more interesting, traumatized, and more well off than mine... But, she is still me in major ways...

12. Who has been the biggest supporter of your writing?

Definitely my boyfriend. He doesn’t really understand the game itself... But, he likes how happy it makes me and he respects how much of my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears that I’ve poured into writing my story. He loves listening to me read passages from it to him while I’m working. He gives me advice and his opinion is highly valued... My family knows I’m writing a large story, and have seen some of the images that I’ve gotten commissioned, but they don’t really know or care about the game. They do respect the fact that I am writing. They love the fact that I’m slightly following in my mom’s footsteps in that regard (she wrote 3 books and several poems). My online friends have been very supportive as well! I’m constantly updating them on what I’ve worked on each day in my Discord Server and the words of encouragement always help.

13. How do you handle criticism?

Not well. Due to the abuse and family issues mentioned in #1, for a good amount of my life, I’ve gotten nothing but harsh criticism... So, now that I’m away from all that, at 26 years old, I’m just now getting to a point where I’m starting to take it better... But, I’ve got a long way to go.

14. Do you like giving your characters trauma? Why/why not?

I hate sounding like a sadist... But, I’m going to anyway, so fuck it... Yes. I have done awful things to Alana over the years. In A Fresh Start, she got sexually assaulted and ostracized. In When I Wake, she gets into a car crash, put into a coma, and in her dream state murdered by Francis in front of Nathaniel. In Let The Dawn Be Broken, the plan was for her to end a war. In “The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster”, her childhood cat dies, her mom gets sick, she gets abused by Carol, her best friends get ripped away from her for a bit, she gets sent to a country halfway around the world alone, she gets assaulted and ultimately turned into a weapon of mass destruction.... I’ve even thought of killing her mom off at one point... But decided against it...

Now, granted, A Fresh Start and Let The Dawn Be Broken never saw completion, but happy endings were planned for them...

I do this, all while giving Alana happy endings in each story because “If Alana can go through utter hell and make it through, then so can I.”... I know, I’m “god” in that regard and I can control how Alana’s life is.... But, the fact that in my writing, she ends up standing tall, happy, with everything she wants, after everything she goes through does make me feel better.... 

15. Are you proud of yourself? When you look at first piece you wrote and compare it to the latest one?

Yes. If you look at A Fresh Start, you can tell it was written by someone fresh out of High School. There’s no real depth to it. Let The Dawn Be Broken isn’t much better... But, The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster has become my magnum opus. It is the largest piece I have EVER written, and will probably remain the largest piece I write. I am very proud of what I have created... And when its last word is written, and I am ready to get it made for it’s place on my shelf, I will feel very bittersweet about it... That being said, my original plan for a sequel involving Nathaniel’s and Alana’s daughter, Aurora, has been discarded. I don’t believe Aurora could ever have as much of my heart that her parents do...

And there you have it! Some insight into my world, writing, and history!

[teawiththegods]

I really hope this isn’t offensive but I’m having a hard time understanding why some people believe the gods are loving and kind when, in mythology, they’re usually quite the opposite. & if mythology is just a story, how do you validate your experience with the divine. how do you know you’re actually communicating with the gods vs other spirits & entities? if we have nothing to test your experiences against, then how do we discern what we’re seeing is true? I’m so lost and new to paganism!!

The problem here is that you’re putting WAY too much emphasis on mythology and giving it way more credit than it derserves.

Since you’re new to this tho that’s not surprising because unfortunately most of us come into this religion equating mythology to some kind of Ancient Greek Bible which it’s soooooo far from.

Mythology first and foremost is extremely inconsistent. The gods behave differently depending on the version of the story being told or the author writing the story. Just looking at Homer and Heisod showcases this point perfectly. Even Homer has inconsistencies in his works. So if mythology doesn’t have any consistency in their explanations on who the gods are and how they behave how is it a good source for that?? How can I use it as a basis to judge my own experiences??

Secondly, when understanding Ancient Greek culture and history. You can clearly see the function of mythology and that it’s not “how to understand the gods” guidebook. Mythology was entertainment. Remember, Netflix wasn’t invented yet so they orally told stories. Fantastical, over the top, dramatic stories. You know exactly what we do today. Also every notice that A LOT of mythology has to do with amazing demigod babies being born in specific lands that the story very well makes sure to mention??? Yeah that’s done on purpose. Because again the story isn’t about the gods. It’s about the children they produce and the awesome things they do and the kingdoms they form. It’s about legitimacy.

Thirdly, we all have to stop seeing the Ancient Greeks has having a hive mind where they believed all the same things and worshiped the gods in the same way. Those of you who know me already know who I’m about to mention because I will always bring him up whenever I can. My boy Socrates was NOT a fan of how the gods were portrayed in Homer and Hesiod’s works and he thought exposing those works to the youth was going to give them a bad impression of the gods. Socrates believed the gods were loving and why did he believe that?? Oh because of his OWN EXPERIENCES, specifically with Apollo. Not to mention he also saw that the Athenian government was being super corrupt and controlling but that’s not what we’re talking about here. My point is that here we have an ancient (and a very VERY well respected and famous ancient) saying that mythology is a bad representation of the gods and should not be taught to children because of it. And he died because of that belief because the Athenian government saw him as dangerous since you know mythology can be used to keep people in line. Oh sound familiar?? Kind of like what people do now in our community today?

And lastly, if you look at the ACTUAL religion not the mythology, you will see how the Ancient Greeks truly saw their gods. Looking at their epithets you see plenty of aspects of who they are and represent that mythology doesn’t even begin to touch or people choose to gloss over. Seeing the festivals they celebrated, the poems they wrote, and the way they spoke about the gods you can clearly see that they loved their gods.

This all right here that I just laid out is me wanting you to see that there is a lot you think you know which is likely not accurate and there is a lot you don’t know at all that you need to learn. And I say this not as a judgement but as someone who was once in your shoes. This is an odyssey that we all have to take. The realization that we really know absolutely nothing about Ancient Greece and the gods. Which is why our community is constantly pushing the concept of research on everyone!

You won’t know until you know and the only way to know is to go seek out the knowledge! Pretty sure Apollo said that once.

Anyway, to help you on your odyssey, i have a podcast called Tea With the Gods that I believe is a good starting point. I am of course bias but I can say that I’ve gotten a ton of positive feedback so I like to think it’s helpful! 🤣

[rmnamjoons]

Love Language [KNJ]

summary: Exactly one year before one meets their soulmate, their love’s first words spoken to them appear as a tattoo on their wrist. When Namjoon’s tattoo appears, however, it’s not of words, but of the most beautiful set of eyes he’s ever seen.

pairing: Namjoon x reader

genre: smut, fluff, soulmate au

word count: 14k

tags: soft dom namjoon, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, just a little bit rough, overstimulation, first time, spanking (only a little), loving possessiveness (i.e. lots of “you’re mine” during sex), like 10k of this is just smut

[read on ao3]

Namjoon was sitting in class when it happened. He suddenly hissed in pain, grabbing his wrist, catching the attention of a few people around him. They all realized what was happening and watched with wide eyes, the professor continuing the lecture without noticing.

Namjoon’s heart was racing. He breathed hard, afraid to take his hand off his wrist. Before checking, he looked up at the clock on the wall — it was almost 10:30 in the morning. He needed to remember to write that down, along with the date. He wanted to know exactly when he was going to find his love.

Namjoon slowly took his hand off his wrist, holding his breath.

He tilted his head in confusion.

It was supposed to be words. That’s what everybody always said. Your soulmate’s first words to you appear on your wrist. That’s all he’d ever heard of. That’s what’s in all the movies and songs about it.

Namjoon’s wrist had a tattoo of eyes. A beautiful, black and white set of eyes, sideways on his wrist, eyelashes long, the expression soft and curious. They looked about life size, one over his pulse on his wrist and the other further down his arm. Namjoon couldn’t take his eyes off of them.

After class, Namjoon decided to skip the rest of the day, figuring it was a special occasion. He went back to his dorm and spent hours researching on his computer for other cases like his. He found ones where their soulmate’s words were in a different language, which had been his first guess — just that they didn’t speak the same language. But that proved to be a bust.

Not everybody in the world had a soulmate. It only happened to maybe twenty percent of the population, but Namjoon had always suspected he was one of them. He usually kept that to himself and chalked it up to him just thinking he was special, as everybody did, but now he had the proof, he had the timing, all he had to do was wait.

Namjoon made an appointment with a specialist. There were people who studied the concept of soulmates, the science behind it, what caused the marks to appear and how free will was connected to it. He figured somebody out there had to know why his wasn’t words.

And yet, even after seeing two specialists, then three — none of them had ever heard of a case where it was eyes instead of words.

It was now only one month away. Namjoon had graduated and was almost halfway through his two year masters program, majoring in philosophy, his goal to get a doctorate and end up a professor. He thought about you constantly, wondering how you’d fit into his life. He bought you things sometimes, though he didn’t know anything about you yet. He’d gotten you a necklace he saw one day, books, trinkets, jewelry, and more, and he wrote you poems. He’d always loved writing, and he loved you so much already, he wanted to write you a whole collection of books full of poems, all for you. He swore he could write a thousand poems dedicated just to the eyes tattooed on his wrist.

Sometimes he would stare at the tattoo and try to imagine what the rest of your perfect face looked like. At first he was scared by his tattoo not being of words, thinking something was wrong, but now he was thankful. It meant he already knew a little of what you looked like. Nothing else mattered — he’d find out why he just had your eyes later. All that mattered was you.

The week before the meeting, Namjoon was so nervous he couldn’t sleep. He hung out with his friends a lot, who all teased him, saying that they were about to not see him for a while because he’d take his soulmate into his bedroom and never come back out. Namjoon rolled his eyes, but he knew they were right. He was so overwhelmingly in love with you, and he hadn’t even met you yet. Sometimes he imagined the first meeting and saw himself hugging you so tight and never letting go, carrying you off into the sunset bridal style.

The day before the meeting, Namjoon couldn’t even get himself to eat anything. He skipped his classes tomorrow and planned to do the same the next, and was thankful that it was almost Friday and he’d have his whole weekend dedicated to you.

He laid in his bed that night, his heart and mind both racing. He was so excited, every ten minutes or so he’d just flap his hands or thrash around and grin, his veins overflowing with the pure excitement and joy and nerves of knowing tomorrow was finally the day. He should be sleeping, knowing he should be his best when meeting you, but he didn’t care. He thought about how this time tomorrow, he’d be able to hold you, hear your perfect voice, touch your perfect skin, see those perfect eyes in person, in color. He was planning on kissing every inch of your body, letting you know right away that he was going to dedicate his life to loving and pleasing you.

His alarm went off at eight. He hadn’t slept, but he felt refreshed, excited, ready for you.

Namjoon took a shower, looking down at his wrist every few seconds. He was extra thorough getting ready today, wanting to be perfect for you. He tried to do his hair nicer than usual, but it didn’t look right no matter what he did, so he went back into the shower and rinsed off all the product he’d put in and started over.

He tried to dress nice for you, but didn’t want to overdo it. He ended up choosing his favorite red flannel shirt, rolling the sleeves up for the warm May weather, and his dark unripped jeans he wore most days. Keep it simple, he told himself.

By the time he was finished, it was almost nine thirty. He had an hour to go somewhere, anywhere, and he had no idea where.

Namjoon left his apartment, slowly walking down the street with nowhere in mind. He walked toward campus, wondering if you were a student too. On his way into town, he passed the flower shop he always walked past on his way to class. He took about ten steps past it, not paying it much mind, before he suddenly turned around, entered the little shop, bought a dozen roses, and then continued on his way. Always best to be prepared.

When ten o’clock came around, he was hit with an overwhelming urge to go to the campus library. He’d spent a lot of time there in his undergrad years, but hadn’t been there much since getting his own apartment and getting out of the dorms. He became worried for a moment, wondering if his soulmate was an undergrad — he didn’t want to be with someone significantly younger than him, like an eighteen year old. He tried to hold on to the fact that it was almost finals, so more people than the usual stressed freshmen were here, studying and cramming.

Namjoon stood in the lobby for a moment, turning around slowly, looking at the different doors leading outside, the large window in front of him, the first floor of the library behind him.

He stopped spinning, facing the expanding first floor. There were mostly just computer stations here, and Namjoon felt himself drawn to the grand staircase at the back of the room. He needed to go up. He had no idea what section, but he felt himself being pulled.

His hand on the stems of the flowers was squeezing too hard, his knuckles white, and he had to focus on relaxing his grip. He could barely hear anything besides his own heartbeat. He made it to the third floor before walking out of the stairway, out into a much less crowded part of the library. Namjoon glanced at a clock on the wall, his heart stopping when he saw it was 10:20.

He knew it had been almost but not quite 10:30 when his tattoo had appeared — he didn’t get the exact time, that day one year ago. But he knew it was so close; his hands were shaking, his breathing rugged. God, you’d probably think he was pathetic.

Namjoon walked slowly down one of the aisles of books, trying to distract himself and calm himself down. He was on the fiction floor, the aisle he was walking down full of older books not special enough for the rare books room. That was probably why nobody was here — English majors were pretty much the only ones who read fiction books, and his friend, an English major, said that their finals were just writing papers, so not much time spent in the library with books.

Namjoon stopped at a section dedicated to Jane Austin, the Brontë sisters, and other similar books. He’d read Pride and Prejudice a few years ago for a class, but none of the others. He wondered if his soulmate liked books like these. If you did, he’d read every single one of them, starting with your favorites.

Namjoon decided to leave that section, turning around the corner of the aisle and immediately running straight into a person.

“Oh, fuck,” he said, jumping back. “God, I’m so sorry—” Namjoon had been holding his flowers up, so they’d become crushed between him and this person, a few petals falling to the floor.

The person turned around, and Namjoon swore his heart stopped. He’d know those eyes anywhere. Namjoon’s breath caught in his throat, his expression softening, his lips parting as he looked at you in awe.

Your beautiful eyes he’d spent so long staring at were behind big, almost-round glasses, the rims thin and gold. You wore a little red sweater with a white collar sticking out. You were staring at him with wide eyes, the same look of recognition and love on your face that he knew he had to have too. You were perfect.

“God,” he said, dropping his hands to his sides, forgetting about the abused flowers he held. “You’re her… I found you.” Namjoon knew he must look dazed, looking at your eyes, your lips, your perfect face.

“My name is Namjoon,” he said, and as he waited for your response, he sighed dreamily, a dumb smile on his face, never wanting to take his eyes off of you ever again. He had no idea now why he’d been so nervous. He knew he’d love you immediately, that he’d loved you already, even before meeting you. Now you were here and everything was all right.

Your expression turned shy, then embarrassed. You bit your lip and looked down, wanting to hide your face. Namjoon felt a surge of emotion; protectiveness, love, adoration.

He watched as you pulled out a folded piece of paper from your little purse. You held it out to him, your eyes full of emotion, almost as if you were scared. Namjoon raised an eyebrow, taking the paper from you, ready to do whatever you asked but not wanting to stop looking at you.

Namjoon unfolded the letter in his hands, awkwardly trying to hold it and the flowers.

“Oh, here,” he said quickly, holding the flowers out to you. “I got these for you.” You took them, smiling shyly, your eyelashes fluttering and Namjoon’s chest feeling tight with emotion just at your cuteness.

Namjoon opened your letter, seeing your beautiful, careful handwriting.

To my soulmate,

I know that we’ll be meeting soon, and I’m so excited to meet you, my heart can barely stand it. I know you’ll be perfect. I feel joy when I think of you, but I also feel fear.

I want to give you this letter as soon as possible, but you’ll probably have already noticed me not speaking. My love, my soulmate, I wish for nothing more than to be perfect for you. Not to get too into disability activism now, but there is nothing inherently wrong or broken about the way that I am. Despite this, I’m still scared of your reaction to finding out your soulmate is mute. I can hear, but you will never be able to hear my voice. I can explain this more to you later.

I want to be able to give you everything, and I know that speaking and conversations are a huge part of a relationship, obviously. We can find other ways to communicate! I can teach you sign language, we can write, we can text, and more. I know that I have done nothing wrong, but I still want to apologize to you.

You’ll probably have questions about me, so I’ll answer some of them now so that it’ll be easier. My name is Y/N. I’m a grad student, I work in the library, and I want to work in the library forever. I am mute due to a condition that affects the way my brain communicates with my vocal cords. I can make some noises occasionally (not on purpose), and I can hear perfectly fine. I like plants and flowers and nature and being outside. I like art, cooking, and reading and writing. I wonder sometimes if you’re a bad boy (in a good way!) because your first words to me are “oh fuck.” Are you a bad boy, cursing at your soulmate?

I can’t wait to meet you. I think about you so much, wondering what you look like, how you’ll react to me, what we’ll be like together. I think I love you already. Is that weird?

Love, your soulmate

PS: You owe me, for making me have to walk around for a year with “fuck” on my wrist, you naughty boy. I work in a school setting!

Namjoon was a fast reader, so he went back through and read it again as soon as he finished it. His eyes welled up when he read your apologies and fears. How could you ever think he’d do anything but love you? He needed to dedicate every moment to showing his love to you from now on. And to learning sign language as fast as possible.

“Princess,” he said, looking up at you. He stepped forward slowly, motioning for a hug but stopping for a moment to gauge your reaction. When you looked up at him, not backing away or showing any sign of not wanting it, Namjoon took the final step forward and hugged you, bringing a hand up to stroke your hair.

“Never ever apologize to me,” he said softly, holding you so close. “Never, especially not for that. You’re so perfect, Y/N,” he said, tasting your name on his tongue for the first time, knowing that name would be said by him so many times in the future in just as many ways.

He felt you shudder a little at that and wondered if you’d started crying, knowing that seeing you upset would definitely make him cry too. But you looked up at him, your big eyes wide and hopeful.

“God, you’re perfect,” he said, bringing a hand up to your cheek. He didn’t realize what he was doing until he was doing it, but he moved in and kissed your forehead, then over your hairline, then your temple, anywhere he could reach, covering you in soft little kisses, holding you close. You giggled soundlessly, closing your eyes, and Namjoon touched the tip of his nose to yours playfully.

At that, you got shy and buried your face in his chest, giggling more as you covered your face with the hand not holding the flowers. Namjoon kept his arms around you loosely, his heart singing as he felt his soulmate against his chest. You were maybe six inches shorter than him, the perfect height, he thought, for easy-access kisses but also for you being able to hide in his chest like this.

Namjoon kissed the top of your head, stroking your hair again. He’d felt so protective of you before meeting you, but now, he felt like he’d kill or die for you already. He’d go through anything for you, dedicate his life to keeping you safe, physically and emotionally. He knew that it was old-fashioned and not necessarily in a good way, but you were his, and he now considered himself your protector. He’d read about soulmates being overwhelmed with feelings like this when meeting, but he’d never thought he’d feel like such a caveman, possessive and ready to fight anything or anyone who’d threaten you. You hiding against his chest made him feel like he mattered, like the entire purpose of his existence was to protect and worship you. The person he was before today didn’t matter; he was your soulmate, first and foremost.

You looked up at him, blinking a few times as you searched his eyes. You parted your lips slightly, and Namjoon had never seen anything so breathtaking in his life.

Mine, he thought, looking from your eyes to your lips and back up.

Namjoon brought one of his hands down and held your free hand.

“Sweetheart, squeeze my hand once for yes and twice for no, okay?” he said softly, leaning in again to touch the tip of his nose to yours again.

You squeezed his hand once, nodding.

“Can I kiss you, baby?” he asked, watching carefully for your exact initial reaction.

You smiled, looking down shyly as you nodded and squeezed his hand once. You looked back up at him through your eyelashes, and Namjoon thought he might die. How could something so perfect be his?

Namjoon slowly closed the distance between your mouths, pressing his lips to yours so gently, he almost couldn’t feel you at all. He heard your soft gasp, and could almost hear your voice in it. That noise made him see stars, and he pressed his lips to you more firmly, parting your lips with his own, taking you.

He felt you drop the flowers and grab onto him, and he smiled into the kiss. How could you be this adorable and precious? Namjoon felt and heard your little noises, your sighs, your almost-whimpers, and he moved his lips, parting yours even further, asking permission as he slowly ran his tongue along your lower lip.

You opened your mouth for him, and he felt you squeeze your fists where you held onto his collar, pulling just slightly. Namjoon slipped his tongue into your mouth, and you touched yours to it. He swore he could pick you up right now and carry you off to a church and marry you, or off to a bedroom to worship and ravage you for days. You’re so sweet, your mouth so soft, your little noises too good.

Namjoon moved one of his hands up to the back of your head, holding you in place as he tilted his head, his tongue diving deeper, swirling around your mouth. He took a step forward, and then another, and then your back was against a bookcase and Namjoon’s body was pressing into you.

“Fuck, baby,” he said against your mouth, and you sighed, looking dazed.

Namjoon was already harder than he’d ever been in his life, but he didn’t want your first time together to be like this. He wanted to make it so special for you and to take his time, worshipping every inch of you. He moved his hands along your back and then up to your arms, feeling your skin, pressing his body against yours more.

“Do you wanna go home?” he asked, trying to make his voice gentle, but it’s deep and gravely and rough. He watched as your eyes widened at that, your lips parting again, and you nodded eagerly.

“Your house or mine?” he asked, taking both of your little hands with his, swinging them gently.

You pulled your hands away for a moment, and Namjoon already missed you, but he watched as you reached into your bag and pulled out a small notepad and pen. You flipped it open and showed him the first page, where you’d already written something.

I brought this in case you don’t know sign language, since you most likely don’t.

Namjoon knew he had no way of knowing before today, but he wished that he’d magically known so that he could’ve had the whole year to learn sign language and practice.

You flipped to the second page and wrote something down, and then showed it to him.

We can go to whoever’s house is closer. I live near the Bowman dorms.

“Your place is closer, then, I think,” Namjoon said. “I live up past 5th Street.”

You nodded. You bent down quickly, picking up the dropped flowers, and then smiled at him, holding out your free hand to him. He took it immediately, not taking his eyes off yours, feeling his love and adoration for you radiating off of him and hoping you felt it too.

Before leaving the library, you stopped at the front desk and signed something to one of the other library employees.

“Oh, you found him?” the girl said excitedly, standing up and looking at Namjoon.

You nodded, turning to Namjoon and burying your face in his chest, hiding yourself in shyness. Namjoon beamed, immediately wrapping his arm around you. He loved being shown off like this, he loved you being excited and proud of having him as your soulmate and lover, and he still adored how you turned to him and hid in his chest when you felt shy. He could get so used to this, to loving you.

The other library employee yelled for another coworker, who ran out of the back room. The two of them gushed over Namjoon, and you signed some things to them, looking up at Namjoon and smiling, your eyes sparkling. Namjoon wished so badly to know what you were signing, but promised himself that he would learn as fast as he could.

You finished communicating with them, and led Namjoon outside and down the street. He kept watching you turn and smile at him, your eyes so bright. How could anything be so perfect? Namjoon wondered again, feeling your small hand playing with his fingers.

Your apartment was close to the library. You let yourself and Namjoon inside, stepping in and taking off your shoes and motioning for him to do the same as you set the flowers down on a table by the door. As soon as his shoes were off, you stepped forward, grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him again.

Namjoon laughed against your lips, complying with your wants, willing to do anything for you already. He wrapped his arms around you and took the lead in the kiss, slowing you down and setting a teasing pace. You pulled his hair, whimpering, and Namjoon wondered what other noises you were capable of.

He slipped his tongue into your mouth again, this time going for depth, and you opened for him and melted in his arms. Namjoon tilted his head, trying to go even deeper, and brought one hand up to hold the back of your head and knot in your hair. You seemed to really like that, pulling on his hair again and sucking on his tongue, and Namjoon growled into your mouth in response.

Reaching down to your legs, he picked you up and you jumped, wrapping your legs around him instinctively. He put both hands on your ass, feeling you and securing you, and letting you take over the kiss. You stopped for a moment, gasping for air, before turning and covering his cheek and jaw in light kisses over and over.

“Baby…” Namjoon moaned, his eyes closing, focusing on breathing and staying in control of himself.

He heard your soft giggle, and he opened his eyes and tried to look at you, but you hid your face in against his neck.

“I’m gonna get you to stop being so shy around me,” he said gently, teasingly, smiling at your little expression when you pulled back to look at him. “I do love it, though. You’re so cute.”

You crinkled your nose at him, and he did the same back to you, teasing you.

Just to surprise you, he let go of your ass for just a moment with one hand, bringing it back with a soft smack and then squeezing. You gasped, your hold on him tightening, and he watched as your eyes lit up and you looked up at him with wide, almost scandalized eyes.

Namjoon smiled, biting his lip as he looked from your surprised eyes to your parted lips.

“Baby, I want to have a talk before we go any further,” he said, walking carefully over to your couch and sitting down, still holding you and keeping your legs wrapped around him.

You looked at him carefully, tilting your head, questioning.

“You still have your notepad in your purse?” he asked, motioning where the little crossbody thing still hung across you. You pulled it out, along with the pen attached to the spiral, and looked at him, waiting.

“I want you to tell me what you like, baby,” Namjoon said, bringing a hand up to brush your hair back from your face. “I want to know what things you like, and what you don’t like, so I don’t cross any lines. I want to make communication as easy as possible for you. Okay, princess?”

You looked at him carefully, a small smile coming over your face as you processed what he was saying. Namjoon knew that once you two started, he was going to have to pay extra close attention to your facial expressions and reactions, because it would be that much harder for you to tell him to stop if he did something you didn’t like. He wanted to spoil you and treat you like his little princess, but he wanted to know now if there was anything he should never do.

You thought for a moment, and then started writing on your notepad. He tried to read what you were writing, but you pulled it back, hiding it from him and smirking. In response, Namjoon tickled your sides a little, making you gasp and giggle and squirm.

After a moment, you turned the notepad around and held it up for him.

Joon,

Can I call you that? I guess you can’t stop me. Ha!

I already love you so much. Gosh.

Okay, so I guess I don’t really know what I like. I haven’t really done this stuff before. I think I like when you call me pet names, like princess, sweetheart, baby. I like you being sweet to me. I also liked when you spanked me earlier. Is that bad? ;)

Namjoon smiled as he read, his heart swelling at your sweetness.

“I’ll be your first, huh, sweetheart?” he said, fake cocky, and you actually blushed, hiding your face behind your notepad. When you looked at him again, he winked at you, and you hid your face again, your body moving as you laughed.

You quickly wrote something else down, and showed it to him again.

I like you teasing me.

“Yeah?” Namjoon said, smirking. “I like teasing you, baby.” He followed that with a small but sharp pinch on your ass, and you gasped and jumped before realizing what he’d done.

You smacked his chest playfully as he laughed, and he leaned in and gave you a kiss, slowly, which you immediately melted into, dropping your pen and notepad and putting both hands on his chest.

Namjoon surprised you again, this time by biting down on your lower lip, and you whimpered for him, a quiet noise Namjoon already knew he was going to become addicted to getting out of you.

You leaned back and signed something to him, holding out one hand and tapping the fingers of your other hand on that palm. Namjoon’s heart sank, again wishing he could automatically understand you fully.

You repeated the motion, making him carefully watch what you were doing.

You picked up your notepad, and wrote a single word.

Again.

Namjoon swallowed hard, nodding. He brought his hands up and did the motion, and you smiled and leaned in, giving him a quick, sweet kiss. He grinned, knowing he’d learned his first word.

Namjoon listened to you — he leaned in and kissed you again, slowly, and bit your bottom lip, a little harder this time, giving you what you asked and pulling on it, smiling and watching your reaction. Your eyes lit up in delight as he still held your lip, and you let out a small whimper when he ran his tongue along it between his teeth.

He let go of your lip, and you sighed, your breath catching in your throat.

Namjoon stroked your hair again, looking at your eyes and wondering how he’d gotten so lucky. You were so expressive, so curious, so honest in your needs. He felt like you told him more with just your eyes in a moment than most people could communicate in an entire novel. He knew it would take time to adjust to never being able to hear your voice or talk to you in a literal sense, but he knew the two of you would make it work easily. There were so many other ways to communicate, and he was sure you knew of even more ways that he wasn’t even thinking of. Plus, he figured, it would be so much easier for you once he knew sign language.

“Teach me another one, baby,” he said, taking both of your hands and kissing each palm.

Namjoon watched as you took one of your hands and touched your throat, slowly moving the tip of your fingers down to the base of your neck. You repeated it, not breaking eye contact with him, and Namjoon swallowed hard.

You reached for your notepad, and Namjoon picked it up for you, handing it to you carefully and watching as you wrote.

I want you.

You did another sign, spreading out your fingers, your hand up and palm facing your mouth, moving your hand slowly in a small circle in front of your face. Namjoon’s hands rested on your thighs, your legs still wrapped around him, and he wondered if you could feel how hard he was.

You wrote down this new sign quickly, holding it up for him to see.

Make out with me.

Namjoon smiled, not needing to be told twice.

He kissed you slow, tasting your honey lips, waiting until you were holding onto his shirt collar with both hands and whimpering and trying to move in his lap before he dove in deeper. You tasted so good, your lips so soft, now a little red and swollen from his kisses. Namjoon was lost in you, felt your little sighs in his mouth, moved however you wanted him to.

You parted for air, gasping against each other’s lips, and Namjoon thought of something then.

Fingers wrapping around your small hand, he brought your wrist up to look at your soulmate mark. It should fade in the next few days, so he wanted to see it before it left. He knew you were watching him, and he gently moved you to look at your wrist at a better angle. Just as you’d written to him, your wrist said ‘Oh, fuck.’

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said, smiling at you sheepishly. “I should watch my mouth, huh?”

You smiled, waving your free hand in a “no, it’s okay” gesture. As if to illustrate that you were okay with cursing, you flipped him off, and Namjoon fake-gasped in mock offense.

Reaching for him, you took his wrist, wanting to see what his mark was. He showed you, holding it up for you to look back at your own eyes.

“I had never heard of it not being words before,” Namjoon said, watching as you studied the mark, running your fingertips over it. You looked at him, shrugging and making a face. “I thought you might speak another language, but I read that the tattoo just appears in whatever language your soulmate speaks. I was so confused. I was kind of worried you were going to be dead or something,” Namjoon confessed, half-joking, and you looked at him, your expression unreadable.

You picked up your little notepad again, writing something down slowly. Namjoon sensed the shift in mood, and waited patiently for you to write. Fuck, why had he said that?

I was scared you were going to curse at me. That you’d say ‘oh fuck’ because you were angry or upset that I can’t speak. I didn’t know what tone you were saying it with.

Namjoon blinked as he read and reread what you wrote, trying to process it.

“No, baby, never,” he said, bringing both his hands up to yours. “Never, never, never,” he said, taking the notepad from you and setting it beside him, now holding both your hands. “You’re so perfect, baby. How could you not be perfect? You’re my soulmate.”

Namjoon watched as your eyes started to well up, and you dropped his hands and picked up your notepad again. Namjoon noted that from now on he would leave you completely in charge of when to put the notepad down, because right now that was your main form of communication.

You wrote again, this time even longer. Namjoon’s heart ached, looking at your pained expression, watching you sniffle once as you wrote. How had he messed everything up already? He knew you were sensitive about his reaction to you not being able to speak — why the hell did he make a joke about it? Especially about you being dead. Jesus Christ, Namjoon was certain he was the stupidest person alive.

You held up the notepad for him to read, and he swallowed hard.

I know my worth and I know that nothing is wrong with me as a person. I am a different kind of person than what is considered “normal,” and the world is not made for me. I am still afraid, though, because of how I have been treated in the past. My biggest fear was that you would be the same, like them, even though we’re soulmates. It was all I could think about at first when I found out I had a soulmate. I need to learn how to trust that you love me and won’t treat me like that.

Namjoon looked at you, his lips parting when he saw a tear escape your eye. He brought both of his hands up gently, moving around where you still clutched your notepad, and cupped your face with both hands. He wiped your tear away with his thumb, and watched how you pressed your cheek into his palm, closing your eyes as you felt the warmth of him caressing you. He moved his thumb on your cheek gently again, stroking your skin, and he hummed to you, making a small noise in his sad attempt to comfort you, wanting to rip out his heart and give it to you.

“Angel,” he said gently, and you didn’t open your eyes, still feeling his hand hold your face. You let go of your notepad with one hand, bringing your hand up to rest over his on your cheek. Another tear escaped from your closed eyes, and Namjoon caught it, stroking his thumb across your cheek still. His heart ached when he felt you hold in a small sob, your expression looking pained, your eyes squeezed closed tight now as your lips quivered.

“Y/N,” Namjoon said softly. He prayed his voice wouldn’t crack, because seeing you like this made his throat tight, his eyes welling up, his muscles tense. “I could never be mad at you for anything. Let alone something like that. You say you know your worth, and I do too. You’re perfect, and I’m going to spend every day of the rest of my life reminding you of how perfect you are.”

You opened your eyes, looking at him carefully. You were hesitant, and Namjoon understood why, though he knew he couldn’t comprehend what it must’ve felt like to experience whatever made you feel this awful in the past. He felt a surge of protectiveness, possessiveness, something overwhelm him, and he was about to tell you something stupid — like that he would die for you or lead an army for you or kill who ever made you feel like this in your past — when you turned your head and kissed his palm gently, effectively melting every thought in his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, watching you. You gave him a questioning look, and he continued. “I shouldn’t’ve made that joke about you. It was stupid and insensitive and not funny. I was wrong and I hurt you, and I reminded you of bad feelings. I’m sorry, baby.”

Your eyes welled up again, and Namjoon wondered if he could be any more stupid. All he was doing was hurting your feelings and making you cry, even with his stupid attempt at an apology.

You looked up and must’ve seen the emotions on his face, because you quickly turned the page in your notepad and started writing, glancing up at him with a small reassuring smile, even as you sniffled and wiped away a tear threatening to escape.

You held the notepad out to him, and he read.

I’m crying (now) because I love you and you’re so sweet, you doofus.

He looked up at you, and you made the “I love you” sign with your hand, the one singular piece of sign language he and everybody else definitely knew.

“I love you, too, princess,” he said softly, mirroring your sign back to you as well.

You put the notepad down and brought your hands up to his face, and he watched as you just looked at him, your eyes curious and learning, ignoring the tear still on your cheek. You touched his lips with your fingers, running your fingertips over him, and Namjoon relaxed under your touch. He focused on breathing and calming down, not wanting to cry right now with you watching him so closely.

He leaned back against the couch with a small smile, watching you explore his face. You ran two fingertips down his nose, over the lines of his face, around his jaw, over the swells of his cheeks, again and again over the curve of his lips. He closed his eyes for you as you oh-so-gently touched his eyelids, so light he could barely feel you, touching his eyelashes, the puffiness of his eyes, his monolids, his eyebrows.

Your fingers moved to his dimples. Namjoon felt you giggle a little, which made him smile, and he knew you could play with his dimples even more now that he was grinning. You poked your finger in his left dimple, the one he knew was much deeper and more prominent, and then ran your fingers over his lips again. You touched his lips again for just a moment, and then took your hands off of him, giving him a thumbs up and smiling, signaling to him that you were all done, making Namjoon laugh.

“You’re so cute, baby,” he said, and he almost didn’t recognize himself, his voice so much deeper than usual, like how he sounded in early mornings. Your eyes lit up, and you arched your back slightly, as if you were presenting your chest to him and grinding down on him through your clothes. Namjoon groaned, feeling your warmth and pressure against his erection, and he dug his fingers into your thighs where he held you.

You signed to him again, this time raising your hand and moving it near your chest, palm facing your body, moving your hand in a circular motion in front of your breasts.

“Touch you here?” Namjoon guessed, his lips parting as he glanced down to you, a dazed look on his face at just the idea of getting to touch you.

You giggled, grabbing your notepad again.

That’s the sign for “please.” But you can touch me there all you want, handsome.

Namjoon snorted when he read your words. He copied your motion, practicing so he could commit it to memory. That was definitely a word he wanted you to sign to him often.

“Can I take your sweater off, princess?” he asked, watching your face. You nodded, smiling, your perfect eyes lighting up again, and Namjoon took that for an enthusiastic yes.

Starting at your hips, Namjoon slowly ran his hands up, feeling the curves of your body on each side as he spread his hands wide, trying to touch as much skin as possible. He dragged your sweater higher, exposing stomach, then abdomen, then your little lacy bra. You lifted your arms for him and he threw your sweater off to the side.

“Jesus, Y/N. Did you wear this for me?” Namjoon said, his hands coming back to your breasts and feeling you with both hands over the thin fabric.

You sighed, your head tilting back as you closed your eyes and felt him massaging slowly. Namjoon watched you nod, and he set his jaw and groaned, imagining you picking out your bra and panties this morning, thinking about meeting your soulmate.

The lacy little bra you wore left nothing to the imagination, your hardening nipples poking through already, and Namjoon could see their color and shape through the thin, sheer lace. Without another thought, almost out of instinct, Namjoon leaned in, pressing a sloppy open-mouthed kiss in the valley between your breasts, wrapping his arms around you tight to hold you in place. Your hands came to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair, and he licked a wide line up your sternum, his eyes closed, tasting your skin, before stopping at your collarbone and sucking, kissing, claiming your skin as his.

You whimpered and signed “please” for him again.

“Yes, baby,” he moaned, his dazed eyes barely even seeing anymore, and he pressed another kiss to you in the same place, this time leaving a trail of kisses up the center of your chest and then down to one of your breasts. He opened his mouth, taking your nipple between his lips through the lacy little bra, sucking on it as he brought a hand up to palm your other breast. Your hands knotted in his hair as you gasped, pulling his hair harder whenever he sucked or used teeth. He pinched your nipple between his fingers and you made a small noise almost like a moan, and he glanced up at you, seeing your lips parted and eyes closed.

“Do you like it, baby?” he asked, squeezing your breast firmly, feeling your nipple press into his palm. “Do you like it when I touch you like this?”

You nodded eagerly, opening your eyes and looking at Namjoon with so much need. You quickly signed “please” and “I want you” to him again, so fast he almost didn’t recognize them, and then you added a third sign. You held out one hand, palm down, and touched the middle finger of your other hand to it. You then pointed at yourself. You repeated the motion, your face desperate, wanting him to understand so badly, and this time followed it with pointing at your chest, then your stomach, then lower.

“What’s this one, angel?” he asked, repeating the sign, practicing the motion.

You sighed, picking up the notepad yet again where it sat beside you on the couch.

Touch me.

You put the notepad down the second he read it, and repeated the sign again, quickly, and then pointed at your chest, then between your legs where you pressed against his erection between both your clothes. You did the sign one more time, this time pouting and letting out a small whiney noise that Namjoon hadn’t known you were capable of.

“My needy little girl,” he said, smirking as he watched you.

You rolled your eyes at him, still smiling.

Namjoon surprised you then, suddenly standing up, holding onto you tightly with both hands. He felt you squeeze him with your legs, holding onto him too.

“Which way’s your bedroom?” he asked, and he watched as you pointed down the small hallway. He walked carefully, holding your body to his, and you tucked your head in against his neck, holding onto his shoulders and peppering his neck with little kisses and squeezing him tighter with your legs wrapped around him. You giggled when he almost tripped over a pile of books, and despite his heart skipping a beat and his hurt toe, he laughed too, holding onto you even tighter now.

Your bedroom was like you. Soft colors, beautiful, peaceful. The walls were light pink, covered in art and shelves. The room had a few plants, a few candles, a few lamps. Your bed was made, your room neat. He wondered if you’d cleaned for him, expecting him to come home with you. He’d definitely done the same to his place.

Namjoon laid you down on your bed, carefully placing your head on your pillow. The sheets were soft and he watched your body sink down into the comforter, and he climbed on top of you, careful to keep his weight mostly off of you.

“Baby, this is important,” he said to you then, catching your attention. “If you want me to stop at any time…” He thought for a moment, trying to come up with something you could do that you wouldn’t ever do normally during sex.

You reached up and very lightly tapped the side of his head three times, smiling up at him.

“Hit the side of my head three times?” he said, smiling when you nodded and did it again.

You wrapped your legs around him, pulling you to him, and he greeted you with a kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth again, remembering what he’d done last time that made you pull his hair and whimper. He stroked your hair with the hand that he wasn’t propping himself up with, the gesture apparently too tame and loving for what you had in mind.

You pulled his hair, making him look up at you, and repeated the “please” and “touch me” signs to him.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed.

Namjoon moved down your body, taking his time with you. You may want him right now, but he was going to try to get you to teach him the signs for begging. He kissed down your stomach, all over your hipbones, across your ribcage. His kisses were open-mouthed, his tongue tracing your skin.

“You taste so good, baby,” he moaned into the skin just below your bellybutton. “I bet your pussy tastes even better.”

He felt you gasp when he said that, and he smirked, looking up at you. He knew you’d said you were inexperienced, but the look on your face right now killed him, looking equally scared, excited, and turned on.

The two of you made a brief eye contact, and Namjoon, feeling bold, winked at you. You whimpered and let your head fall back on the pillow, letting out a long sigh and spreading your legs for him further.

Namjoon sat back on his legs, pulling your pants slowly down your legs, revealing more of your skin to him. You helped him, lifting your hips and then moving your legs with his hands.

You now laid almost bare before him, your legs spread, showing him your matching little lace panties, your perfect thighs, and your center, which Namjoon’s eyes zeroed in on. He swore he could see your slick wetness soaking through your panties, and wondered just how worked up you were.

You reached out for him, whimpering, and he came back to you without a word. He kissed you deeply, your tongues swirling together, his hand moving up to your hair, his legs spreading to part your thighs further. He was still fully dressed while you were down to just your bra and panties, and you seemed to realize this at the same time he did, reaching for the buttons of his shirt.

He moved back from you enough to get his shirt off, sloppily unbuttoning it and tossing it to the side, and when you tried to pull him back, he instead moved back down your body, kissing your skin again, this time moving slowly down, further and further until he reached the edge of your panties.

You parted your legs, sighing, and Namjoon pressed a kiss where he could see your wetness soaking through. He opened his mouth, sucking on and licking at that spot until your legs parted even further and your fingers came down to knot in his hair.

Namjoon felt cocky. He slipped his tongue around the side of your panties, pulling it out enough to bite it. He brought his hands to your ass, lifting your hips just enough to start sliding your panties down using just where his mouth was latched on, though he used his hands some to help them off of your ass.

You looked down at him with wide eyes, watching him as he moved down your thighs, dragging your panties down too, and he looked up at you and made unbroken eye contact. The wet part of your panties was still in his mouth, and he could taste your sweet wetness and knew he could drown in you if you’d let him.

He sat back on his legs just long enough to drop your panties from his mouth and tuck them in his back pocket. You were watching him closely, your eyes widening when you saw him do that move.

Namjoon moved back between your legs, kissing up your perfect thighs, squeezing them with his hands, feeling them, massaging them, pressing his face into them. He’d always loved big thighs, and yours were exactly what he’d always fantasized about. He wondered if he liked big thighs all along just because that’s what you had.

“Fuck, baby, you’re perfect,” he moaned, rubbing his cheek against your inner thigh, nearly animalistic, just barely holding himself back in his desire to just bury his face between your legs. He turned his head and bit down on your thigh, making you honest to god squeak.

Namjoon turned his attention to your core, where you were spread open and dripping for him. His mouth watered as he looked at you, your clit shining from your wetness coating it. He looked up at you and saw you watching him. Your hands were gripping the sheets on either side of you, your lips parted as you watched him with hooded eyes. Leaning in, Namjoon blew cool air on your center lightly, watching your reaction closely and smiling as you whimpered and writhed and threw your head back. He moved his hands up to hold your thighs apart, pressing your legs down into the mattress.

“Look at me,” he said, sounding more commanding than he’d meant, but you looked up at him immediately, your eyes needy and wanting. “You want me to eat your pussy, princess?” he asked you. He didn’t let you even react before continuing. “I wanna fuck you with my tongue, pretty girl. I bet you taste so good, like honey and candy. Can I taste you, baby?”

You nodded eagerly, and let out a loud gasp when Namjoon just immediately buried his face in your pussy, nuzzling in hard, his mouth open, his tongue diving into you and flicking in and out of your entrance as he sucked up as much wetness as he could.

You were everything Namjoon had ever wanted, and so much more. Your pussy was like warm, wet silk, and he moaned that to you, his mouth still against you so his words were muffled. He moved his lips around, licking and sucking your folds, your entrance, your clitoris. He took your clit into his mouth and sucked as hard as he could, his cheeks hollowing, while flicking it with his tongue. You grabbed his hair with both hands, arching your back dramatically and letting out the loudest noise he’d heard out of you so far, an honest to god moan that made Namjoon want to flip you over and take you as hard as he could.

Namjoon ate you ferociously. He’d never felt so overwhelmed by lust, and he poured his desire into the work he did with his tongue and lips, even moving his head around just to give you that extra stimuli, rubbing the tip of his nose against your clitoris whenever his tongue was fucking your entrance. He drank you like a starving animal, sucking up every last drop, moving his tongue in and out of you as he glanced up to watch your head falling back. You pulled his hair hard, which felt incredible, reminding him of how painful his erection was in his jeans.

Your first orgasm hit you suddenly. You arched your back and stopped breathing, your whole body freezing as you climaxed on his tongue. Namjoon kept his same pace, bringing a hand over from your thigh to rest on your lower stomach, his thumb coming down to rub your clit hard and fast.

He hadn’t known it before, but apparently you were capable of screaming. Your leg that wasn’t being held down moved, your whole body twitching in overstimulation, and Namjoon growled against you and brought his hand that wasn’t on your stomach to the side of your thigh, spanking you once, feeling your skin jiggle and feeling the vibration in his mouth.

“Another. One more for me. Come on, baby, I know you can,” he said against your clit, and he looked up at you and saw tears streaming down your face.

He pulled back then, worried he was pushing you too far, too fast.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” he asked, his grip on you loosening as he watched your face carefully.

You looked up at him, your eyes dazed, and he’d never seen anything more perfect. You were breathing hard, which made your breasts rise and fall rapidly, and Namjoon cursed himself for not having taken off your bra earlier.

You signed to him the first word you taught him, your hands shaking. Again.

Namjoon smirked. He pressed his face back into your slick heat, this time bringing a hand up to slide two fingers into you. You let out a breathy sigh, and Namjoon moaned, your clit between his lips, as he felt your pussy clench around his fingers.

“Fuck, baby, how are you this tight?” he asked, moving his fingers slowly, curling into you. “Keep squeezing my fingers like this and I might lose it.”

He hadn’t meant it as a threat or challenge, but you looked down at him, your eyes lighting up. He felt you squeeze his fingers as hard as you could, purposefully, and Namjoon’s eyes rolled back in his head as he moaned, his cock now throbbing painfully in his jeans as he involuntarily moved his hips forward against your bed, desperate for friction.

“You want me to lose it, huh?” he said, and he watched you smile down at him, a fake-innocent look on your perfect little face. “You’re gonna kill me, princess.”

Namjoon refocused, moving his fingers inside you and bringing your clit back to his mouth. He held you down by your stomach with his free hand, his arm laying across you like a safety bar, and you held onto his arm with one hand, the other back in his hair.

When Namjoon added a third finger, he felt you clench around him again, this time your pussy fluttering as you neared the edge of your second orgasm.

“Don’t cum until I say you can,” he said suddenly, surprising even himself.

You looked down at him, your eyes wide. He could tell you were surprised by that, and Namjoon winked at you again, not taking his mouth off of your folds.

“Tap my arm when you’re close,” he growled around your clit before sucking it back into his mouth.

You started tapping his arm immediately, which made him smirk against your pussy. He pushed you a little further, curling three fingers into you as deep as he could while flicking his tongue around your perfect swollen clit, before he finally let you have your way, knowing too much more of this would be cruel, especially since this was your first time with someone doing this to you.

“Cum for me, baby,” he said, his voice muffled, not taking his lips off your clit, and you immediately fell apart. Namjoon moved his mouth to catch your wetness, drinking up every last bit of you, trying to get his tongue inside you along with his fingers.

Namjoon drank as if your pussy was the last thing he’d have before trekking through the desert, moaning into you in raw pleasure. Removing his hand, he focused on you with his mouth again, pressing his face in hard and licking and sucking until your legs twitched and you pulled on his hair.

With an obscene wet noise, almost the same sound as someone innocently blowing a kiss, he gave one last parting kiss to your clit before climbing back up to you. He was almost sad to leave it, but he knew he was going to love whatever you wanted him to do next. Namjoon’s mouth and chin were covered in your wetness, nearly dripping from it, and when he came back up to face you, he watched your expression as you looked at how soaked his face was. He saw shame play out in your eyes, which quickly changed to arousal and amusement.

You held his face with both hands and pulled him in for what he thought was a kiss, instead licking at his lips and around his mouth. Namjoon had never in his life imagined a woman licking her own wetness off of his face, but here you were, his soulmate, making his eyes flutter closed as he almost moaned just from you doing this.

“See how good you taste?” he said, his voice deep. He opened his eyes and saw you looking up at him through your eyelashes, looking like you felt shy. “What?” he teased, moving in and touching the tip of his nose to yours.

You giggled and tried to hide your face behind your hands, but Namjoon caught you by your wrists and held them both above your head.

“You’re so cute, baby,” he said, his lips just barely skimming yours. “I could eat you up.”

You smiled at that, clearly interested in his offer. You wiggled a little under his grasp, grinding up against his body, reminding him of his erection that he’d been neglecting.

“Do you want my cock, baby?” he asked, again surprising himself with how direct and dirty he was being with you.

You nodded eagerly, though, and Namjoon swore he could marry you right then.

“Where do you want it?” he asked you, letting go of just one of your hands. “Your mouth, your pussy, your hands? Where, angel?”

You used your now freed hand and took his hand, moving it down your body. You stopped when his hand was resting on your lower stomach.

“You want me inside you, princess?” he asked, and you nodded, biting your lip. He leaned in and gave you a sweet, chaste kiss. Parting from you, he said against your lips, “I wanna be inside you too, baby.”

Namjoon stood then, finally taking off his jeans. His hands fumbled with his belt and zipper, his excitement almost making his hands shake. You watched him closely, propping yourself up on your elbows, and Namjoon reminded himself that he absolutely needed to get that pretty little bra off of you immediately.

He brought his jeans and briefs down together, his hard cock bouncing free and hitting his stomach. He looked at you, your wide eyes glued to his erection. He almost want to blush and hide away under your intense stare, but the way your eyes looked up and down his length, how you licked your lips, the way you spread your legs further, just slightly, made him feel incredible. He’d started working out in the past year, wanting to be perfect for his soulmate whenever he found you, and it was all worth it, seeing you looking at his body now.

You pointed at his chest, then your own.

“You want me on top of you?” he asked, starting to move toward you.

You waved your hand, indicating he’d guessed wrong at what you were trying to say. You smiled and reached out for him with both hands, and he stepped forward, crawling back onto you and holding himself up.

You took both of your hands and touched his chest, feeling him. He knew he’d worked out a lot with chest exercises, but he’d never anticipated this reaction from you. You tapped his chest a few times, looking at his face expectantly.

“You like my chest?” he guessed.

You nodded eagerly, and then did a muscleman pose with your arms, then pointing at him again, grinning and giggling.

Namjoon snorted. “You think I’m strong and muscular?” he teased, and you rolled your eyes, smiling still. “You think I’m sexy?” he asked you, tracing the tip of his nose along your jaw. Your breath caught in your throat in a small gasp with that, and you ran your hands up his upper arms, feeling his taut skin, squeezing his muscles at his biceps.

“What do you want, princess?” he asked you, letting you feel his arms, chest, whatever you wanted. Your small hands were slightly cold compared to the heat radiating off of him, and he shivered as you ran your hands over him.

You looked up at him, blinking your innocent doe eyes, tilting your head a little as you thought. You then did a gesture with your forefinger of one hand and fist with the other that made Namjoon snort. He hadn’t known that one was officially sign language — maybe it wasn’t — but you were signaling to him very clearly and graphically that you wanted his cock inside you.

Namjoon listened to you, ready to give you anything and everything. He stopped only to reach behind you and unhook your bra, carefully helping you out of the thin material and watching as your perfect breasts came into his view. Your skin had lace patterns pressed into it, and he just couldn’t help himself. Namjoon ducked his head, tracing his tongue along the patterns, feeling the grooves and ridges and swirling his tongue around your nipple where a lace pattern was indented into your skin.

You pulled on his hair, bringing him back up to you. Your beautiful expressive eyes conveyed your need to him, how badly you wanted him, and he could never keep you waiting.

“I’m your first, right, angel?” he asked you, double-checking what you’d said earlier, and you looked away from him, frowning and pouting in embarrassment. “No, no, it’s okay, baby,” he quickly added, bringing a hand to your cheek to bring you back to him. “I was just checking, so that I know to be extra careful at first. I don’t want to hurt you, yeah?”

You looked back up at him, your expression unreadable before it shifted and you smiled and nodded. You pointed at him and then held up one finger, telling him yes, he’s your first.

Namjoon nodded, quickly pushing aside all of his caveman ‘taking her virginity’ instincts and instead leaning in to give you a gentle kiss, which you reciprocated eagerly.

“We’ll go slow at first, okay, baby? And if you wanna stop, remember, tap my head three times,” he said against your lips, and you nodded. He didn’t know why he was so into these pet names, calling you his baby and princess, but he wasn’t questioning it. It felt right.

Namjoon reached down, stroking himself a few times before rubbing the head of his cock from your entrance, up to your clit, circling until you whimpered, and back down. He spread his precum around your slit, where you were still soaked for him, a small act of possessiveness, claiming you as his.

“Wrap your legs around me,” he said, and you listened, doing exactly as you were told, making Namjoon’s stupid caveman instincts swell again for just a split second. God, he wanted to just take you. He’d always liked being just a little rough in bed, but he really needed to be gentle at first, before he figured out what you liked. He would match whatever you wanted him to be for the rest of his life.

Namjoon lined himself up with your entrance, and he already knew it was going to be tight. Looking down between your bodies, Namjoon sighed, biting back a long moan at just the sight of his cock teasing your slit, your legs spread for him, your body laid bare for him and him alone.

You reached up and took his face with both hands. You made a small noise, one that Namjoon responded to with a low hum, and then he moved his hips, gently moving into you, only a little at first. You gasped, one of your hands falling to his shoulder, gripping tightly and holding on for your life.

“Fuck, baby…” Namjoon moaned, already feeling you squeeze him and pull him further into you.

Your lips parted, whiney gasps falling out of you, and Namjoon watched you in awe. He cupped your face with his hand, holding you gently, wondering how he ever could’ve been nervous for meeting you when he should’ve known you’d be this perfect. He rocked his hips further, being so gentle with your despite all the foreplay. You hummed softly, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, and Namjoon leaned in, covering your neck in kisses, sucking on your skin with his lips, marking you as his, his, his.

You were his everything. He’d known you for maybe two hours now, but the connection he felt with his soulmate overshadowed every other aspect of his life and mind. Looking at your perfect face, the way your eyes searched his, how your hair splayed out around the pillow like a halo, the way he felt inside you, he knew you would be the only thing in this world he’d ever love this much. He suddenly fully understood the scale and weight of all those songs and movies about soulmates, and thought they were not at all doing justice to the way he felt right now.

Your pussy clenched down on him again and he groaned, instinctively bucking his hips forward in one fluid motion, bottoming out and smacking his pubic bone to your hips and then freezing in place. You gasped, your mouth hanging open, and Namjoon cursed himself — he’d wanted to take it slow. He held your body close to him, feeling your pussy fluttering and adjusting to his size, your breasts pressed against his chest, your legs wrapped around him, the entirety of your small form under him and his body pressing down into you. This feeling was what he was made for, why he had a soulmate.

“You feel incredible, baby, so fucking good,” he moaned, biting his lip, wanting so badly to move his hips but knowing you needed him to wait. He could feel you throbbing, your wet pussy stretching to take him, and he thought he might die from how perfect you felt. Your fingernails dug into his shoulders as he buried his face in against your neck, but you tapped his shoulder twice, wanting him to look at you.

You signed something to him, what he thought looked like letters.

“I’m so sorry, princess, I don’t even know the alphabet,” he said, breathless, stroking your hair back from your face. He was vaguely aware that he was sweating and breathing hard, eyes glazed over, and he wondered what you thought of him like this, already so lost in his pleasure.

You rolled your eyes, flashing him a smile to make sure he knew you weren’t actually mad. Reaching up, you pressed your fingertip to his chest, and started slowly spelling the short word you’d tried to sign to him.

“Big?” Namjoon asked, paying close attention to what you drew on his skin with your finger.

You nodded, smiling like the cat who ate the canary, and Namjoon laughed.

“You think I’m big?” he asked, and before you could answer, he bucked his hips once, quickly sliding almost completely out before slamming back in fully, making your whole body move with the force of it.

You gasped, Namjoon’s favorite noise, and then you gave him a look — your eyes almost watered, your lip pouting, your expression innocent and fake-hurt. He rolled his hips slowly, smiling as the pout on your lips melted into an explicit o-shape before you bit your lip.

“You take me so well, baby,” he said, watching your face closely as he rolled his hips again, this time even slower, trying to make you feel every inch of him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say we were made for each other.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing silently, and Namjoon leaned in and bit your jaw, suddenly picking up his pace and smacking his hips against yours, pulling your thigh up higher to take him. You gasped and held onto him as his thrusts became rough and fast.

“You’re mine,” he growled against your jaw, pressing his face against your cheek hard and bringing the hand he wasn’t supporting himself with up to cup your cheek on the other side, his thumb moving down to rest over your throat. “You hear me, Y/N? You’re all mine, forever. Your tight little pussy belongs to me now. Your pussy was made to take this cock.”

What the hell was coming over him? Namjoon wanted it to be slow and gentle and loving, but he couldn’t stop the words falling out of his mouth as he moved inside you faster and harder.

You moaned, and he felt you nodding, agreeing with his words, which only made his hips move faster. He kept his face pressed against your neck, feeling your racing pulse and every harsh breath you drew in. He could hear the whole bed moving with his thrusts, the headboard smacking against the wall in unison with his hips slamming into yours. He was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and breathed raggedly from his efforts, but he’d always liked working hard to please his partners, and you made him want to give every last drop of his blood, sweat, and tears.

He felt your little fingers knotting in his hair, your other hand on his shoulder, your arm wrapped around him tight. You kept gasping and making small noises in pleasure, and Namjoon pulled his head back just enough to watch your face as he kept up his brutal pace. Your eyes were lost in ecstasy, your kiss-swollen lips parted as you gasped and whimpered, all for him. Your whole body moved with his thrusts, and he glanced down between you and watched your breasts bouncing with the force of his movements, which only made his mouth water.

“Y/N, baby, you feel so good,” he moaned, looking back up at your eyes. He watched you try to focus on him, and he brought his hand up to cup your cheek, much sweeter a gesture than the rest of what he was currently doing to you.

“You’re doing so well for me, baby. You take me so well.” He groaned when he felt your pussy clench down on him. “I think you like being praised,” he said, smirking, but you looked like you weren’t hearing a word he was saying, your eyes closing, your mouth falling open. “Are you close, princess?” he asked, and you nodded quickly. He brought his hand down from your cheek to your hip, his thumb moving to your clitoris and stroking hard and fast.

Your reaction was instantaneous — your entire lower body thrashed, your walls clenched so hard Namjoon almost came, your fingernails digging into his shoulders so hard he swore you broke skin, your back arched up into him as your head tilted back and you let out a long, loud moan that Namjoon felt in his core. He kept his pace with his thumb and hips and watched you fall apart underneath him, your third orgasm making your eyes roll back in your head as you stopped breathing, your whole body shaking.

“Christ, baby,” Namjoon moaned, watching the show you were putting on for him. He made his thrusts harder but slower now, slamming into you purposefully, stopping with his cock fully inside of you at the height of your pleasure, making your feel his full length and letting himself feel you throbbing and squeezing him.

You let out a noise that almost sounded like a sob, and Namjoon nearly came just from that.

“Fuck, I didn’t know you could sound like that,” he said, and your eyes focused again as you looked up at him innocently through your lashes.

Namjoon set his jaw, looking down at his soulmate. You were breathing slowly, steadily, your skin flushed red, your body absolutely glowing. If it wouldn’t be cruel at this point, he swore he could go down on you again right now. He wanted to so badly, but he knew you were way too sensitive at this point for that. Besides, he wasn’t sure he could last much longer. He was trying so hard to hold out and make everything so perfect and all about you, but he was nearing the end of his resolve.

He felt you squeeze him and watched as you smirked so that he knew you did it on purpose. Namjoon brought a hand down to where your legs were wrapped around him, palming  the outside of your thigh, before giving your one fast, hard spank.

You moaned, your head lulling to the side as you closed your eyes in pleasure, but Namjoon brought his hand up to your face and turned your head back to look at him.

“Turn over, baby,” Namjoon growled, smiling down at you and watching your eyes light up in delight at his command.

You quickly turned over in his arms, his cock slipping out of you before you laid down on your stomach beneath him. He sat back on his legs between your spread thighs, and he reached out and grabbed your ass with both hands, squeezing hard.

Glancing up at you, Namjoon saw your head was turned as it rested on the pillow. You couldn’t look at him, but you tried to, tilting your head as far as you could. You moaned when he squeezed your ass harder, and then gasped as you felt him kiss your lower spine, then the back of your hip, and finally your ass, between his right thumb and forefinger where he kneaded your flesh. He moved his hand away, kissing your ass again before surprising you with a sharp smack on the other cheek with his left hand. The hit made you moan, and Namjoon’s cock twitched at the sweet sound.

“Do you like it when I spank you?” he asked, his voice low. “Hold one finger up for yes, two for no.”

He looked up at you and watched you weakly hold up one finger, moving it around to make sure he saw it.

He spanked you again, this time massaging your ass gently after the strike. Not even thinking, he leaned in to the spot he’d just kissed and sunk in his teeth, biting your ass as he squeezed again with both hands. He felt you melting under his palms, your back arching so that your ass stuck up for him more, presenting yourself to him.

Sitting up again, Namjoon moved to where he was on his knees behind you and pulled you upward by your hips. You complied, moving exactly as he wanted, and you moaned when you felt his hand move down your spine slowly. He squeezed your hips, grinding his cock against your ass, making you feel how hard he still was for you. You moved back against him, pressing your ass into him, grinding and whimpering and trying so hard to get him to move more.

“You want me to fuck you like this, baby?” he asked, his voice a low growl.

You held up one finger again, burying your face in the pillow and letting out a sob.

“Yes, baby,” he said, taking the noise you’d made as a command for him to pleasure you.

Namjoon reached down and lined himself up with your entrance once again, sinking back into you slowly, back where he belonged. You moaned and squeezed him as hard as you could, only partially on purpose, and he moaned and spanked you again.

“Naughty girl,” he growled, bringing the hand that had just spanked you down to prop himself up as he bent over you, his body perfectly curved to yours. He held himself up with that arm, his hand resting on the bed beside yours, and he kissed your shoulder as he bottomed out, feeling himself fully inside you once again, your pussy throbbing and him feeling every heartbeat. It was so much better like this, so much deeper, and Namjoon could hardly see straight at this point, he was so desperate for release.

“Hit my hand three times if you need me to stop, princess,” he said against your shoulder, turning his head and nuzzling his nose behind your ear. He smiled when he felt you reach out and grab his hand, lacing your fingers with his and squeezing tight.

Namjoon started off slow, letting you get used to the new position and how much deeper he could go. His hand you weren’t holding was wrapped around you, holding your body against his, your ass up and pressed to his pelvis and your head against the bed. He moved gently, each deep stroke with purpose, feeling your shudders and whimpers and gasps. You were so wet, so warm, so soft — the only thing Namjoon could think or feel was how overwhelmingly good his cock felt buried so deep inside you.

“Baby, you feel like heaven,” he moaned against your shoulder between kisses, his lips moving against your skin as he spoke. “All mine, all for me, forever. I could fuck you for days and not need anything else.”

You squeezed his hand, trying so hard to turn your head back to look at him as you let out a small noise, whining to him, and he responded by leaning in and claiming your lips, kissing you as well as he could with the angle. He picked up his pace, his hips smacking against your ass, a wet slapping noise hitting your ears with each hard thrust that shook you to your core and moved the whole bed forward. You were a mess under him now, gasping, breathing hard, nearly in tears. You couldn’t think, you could barely breathe, you just closed your eyes tight and felt your soulmate pumping pleasure into you, your lips parted as you whimpered for him.

You brought your hand not holding his down to your stomach. You didn’t know what you needed, but you whined, pouting, and Namjoon seemed to realize what you wanted before you did, reaching down with the hand that had been holding your body to him and rubbing your clit vigorously.

Your whole body writhed, fucking back against him instinctively, meeting his thrusts as you cried out in ecstasy for him. You were so close again, and Namjoon knew he wasn’t going to last much longer either.

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum,” he groaned, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head, his heart pounding in his chest. His fingers kept up their pace on your clit, rubbing it with two fingers so hard he was pretty sure you were going to be bruised there. You sounded like you were sobbing and god, you were loud, your body writhing as he felt you drawing so close again.

“F-fuck,” Namjoon moaned, his thrusts becoming sloppy. His hips snapped into you once, twice, three more times before he cried out, and you felt him spilling into you, filling you up, his whole body shuddering as he pressed his sweaty forehead against your shoulder. The sensation of his hot cum deep inside you, dripping down between your bodies as he thrust into you a few more times and continued his fingers on your clit, pushed you over the edge one last time, this orgasm much gentler as you gasped and shuddered.

Namjoon was breathing hard and steady, his breath warm on your skin. He gently let you lay down before rolling off of you, collapsing beside you and staring at the ceiling, his mouth open as he just tried to breathe and calm down.

“Oh my god,” Namjoon said, turning his head to look back over at you. You were still laying on your stomach, but you moved so that your head was turned toward him. You had a lazy smile on your face, your expression telling him you were just as thoroughly fucked-out as he was.

You reached out and put your hand on his shoulder, smiling weakly, not having the energy for anything else.

“You were incredible, baby,” he murmured, watching you breathe slowly. He pushed himself up as best he could, moving onto his side so he could face you. Reaching up, he stroked your hair back out of your face slowly, smiling to himself when he could see your eyes properly.

You brought your hand up and cupped his cheek, your thumb stroking his skin as the two of you watched each other for a moment like this.

When you felt you had the energy, you moved onto your side as well, the two of you laying almost nose to nose, touching each other’s faces and looking at each other, smiling.

“I love you,” he said, his deep voice a gentle rumble in his chest. You made the sign for ‘I love you’ with your hand, and Namjoon brought his hand up and touched you softly, feeling the way your fingers were positioned with his large hand.

“I love you, forever,” he said, quieter now, and he reached out and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to him.

You settled in against his chest, feeling like you were right where you belonged. You closed your eyes as you pressed your forehead against his shoulder, listening to the lulling sound of his slow breathing as he kissed the top of your head gently, over and over, humming quiet promises of forever to you.

[hraishin]

thank you @lindstrom2020 and @queerneto for tagging me on this, i had forgotten to do this tag but I guess I'm not too late ahsmkf

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

1. This Dark!Charles horror poem from Cherik Week. This was incredibly fun to make and it was the first time I attempted something like that for a fanfic. I am still really proud of how it turned out for a first try and it'll be always on my list of favorite things I've done.

2. Drawn Conclusions, the fic I wrote with @secretlymagneto. Just the fact I got to write a story with Simon made me really happy and I still look back at it a lot because it was such a silly concept but I still remember the fun it was to joke around with Simon before I ended up writing the first chapter.

3. Love starts with an open door, my family au for Cherik Week! This has to be one of the favorite things I've ever written. I started writing it when things were getting harder for me last year and this fic just brought me so much comfort when I wrote it. It was also my first time (I think) writing Cherik with a big family. I keep gushing about it even if now there are things I would've written differently (but hey! that's just the writer's experience).

4. Various Storms & Saints, another Dark!Charles fic but multi-chaptered this time. This fic was written and rewritten again at least three times before I got this end result and it's still one of my favorites. I love exploring Charles' chatacter and making him go through hell (rip Charles but he's always my victim) and this one was great to write. I remember being really proud of it when I finished and I'm still proud of it now.

5. Wrap me up, unfold me, the victorian au that's still being written but that I wrote in May and only posted at the end of the year. I absolutely love this fic and it's not even finished yet, I never wrote a period piece before - never even tried - and this was a new experience to me but that so far is being incredibly pleasant (even with all the research I have to do for it RIP). I never thought I'd enjoy writing a period drama/romance half as much as I enjoy writing this one.

That's my top 5 best things I've written mostly for just how much I loved writing them. Not all of them are the ones that got the most attention but they are the ones that I constantly look back to!

Now, I forgot who got tagged before so if I tag you and you've already been tagged I'm sorry.

Tagging: @secretlymagneto, @ikeracity, @turtletotem, @akasanata, @lyricfulloflight, @gerec!

[goddessdoeswitchery]

Hellenic Polytheism 101: Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism

What follow is a transcript of all 7 episodes of my podcast Hellenic Polytheism 101, where I discussed the pillars of Hellenic Polytheism. There are more episodes to follow, but I figured it would be nice to have a place where all 7 of the episodes discussing the pillars were together. The series started on August 23rd and ended on Nov 1st, released on a bi-weekly basis at 8 am every Sunday. In total, it’s 12 pages long, so I’m placing it under a Read More because it is very, very long. In each episode, there is a list of resources, and each one is linked for you in the original post (just click the tag transcripts under this post, and it’ll take you to the transcripts for every podcast episode) to do your own follow up research. I hope that people will find this useful.

Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism: Technically, the pillars were never actually a “thing”. Unlike then 10 commandments, the pillars were never taught as a set of rules that everyone knew by the name “Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism”, or any variation thereof. What modern day practitioners of Hellenic Polytheism call “The Pillars” were essentially religious and cultural practices that were taught by family and friends via every day practices. The pillars were an essential part of the culture of Ancient Greece, taught to them the same way customs like tipping, saying “bless you” at sneezing, and the now-common practice of wearing a mask everywhere are taught to us today. In recreating Hellenic Polytheism for the modern age, the Pillars grew out of a need for a set of guidelines to help us recreate a very old religion.

KHARIS

Welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing the Pillar of Hellenic Polytheism, Kharis. Kharis is the reciprocity inherent in Hellenic Polytheism, a devotional act for the Theoi with hope a return favor in kind. It is also so much more than a transactional behavior. Its not bribery, its not a quid pro quo. At the same time, it is not the Christian act of praise worship.

One of the most common actions as a Hellenic polytheist is devotional acts. Whether it be offerings, prayers, hymns, or the increasingly common Devotional Actions (like beauty routines for Aphrodite, studying for Athena, singing for Apollo, housecleaning for Hestia, etc); we worship by engaging in acts of devotion. Oftentimes, that act of devotion is also accompanied by a request. This act of devotion is not a bribe. This is an offering, and a plea. The deity in question can respond or not, it won’t change the fact that we made the offering and it shouldn’t affect how we give in the future. We give without the expectation of getting something in return, as an act of worship and of thanks for everyday blessings. We give to just give, and a lot of the times, the deity or deities in question will respond. We then give in thanks, and then they give to us. We give in thanks, they give to us and so continues the circle of praise and of blessing. This circle of reciprocity is Kharis.

And yeah, I completely understand how confusing that would be, so let’s try using some more relatable examples. I know not everyone will be able to relate to these examples, so there will be a few of them, and hopefully one of them will resonate enough that the concept of Kharis will become less confusing.

The first example I will use is of a couple. Let’s call them Kate and Ashley. They are very much in love. Kate is out grocery shopping and next to the checkout line is a display of flower bouquets. One of them has roses and lilies, Ashley’s two favorite flowers. So Kate grabs that bouquet and places it in a vase on the table for Ashley to see when she gets home. Kate isn’t getting the flowers for a birthday, or anniversary, or holiday. These aren’t apology flowers. These aren’t get well soon flowers. They’re the best kind of flowers. These are “Just Because I Love You” flowers.  That night at dinner, Kate asks Ashley to take the trash can to the curb before bed and Ashley does so. The flowers weren’t payment for the favor of taking the trash to the curb. The flowers and the request may have come at the same time, but one wasn’t required for the other. The next morning, Kate makes Ashley breakfast in bed and Ashley starts Kate’s car so it’s warmed up and defrosted before Kate goes to work. Both are acts of love that aren’t reliant on each other. Now, say this cycle continues constantly. They do each other favors, they get each other small tokens, for the rest of their relationship. No one but the most cynical would say that they have a transactional relationship. Their tokens aren’t required for favors, and their favors aren’t required for tokens. Their actions are out of devotion to each other. That’s an example of how Kharis works.

Another example, this time between family members.  My sister, my mom, and I have lived together for a lot of our lives. As adults, we have lived together for the last 5 years. My mom has a tendency to not eat, and there have been times when I’ve sent her a pizza while she’s at work, because I know then that she will eat. The food is an act of love, a way to show I care. When she responds in kind by cooking dinner for the house the next day, it is not a payment for the pizza. It’s a continuation of the circle. When I was off work for 3 weeks, I cleaned the whole house, reorganized their closets to be easier to navigate, and cleaned out the cabinets and cupboards. Its another way I show I care. My sister usually watches the kids all summer long, and my mom and I will get her flowers, as a way to say thank you. Every day of our lives as a family, we show love by doing favors for each other and getting things for each other. The favors are not a payment for the things and the things are not a payment for the favors.

Hopefully that explains what Kharis is a little better, so we can go a little deeper into what it means as a worshipper, as someone who calls themselves a Hellenic Polytheist.

Now, remember how I said that the pillars weren’t exactly a thing, and instead were a modern invention to assist those who weren’t raised in Ancient Greece with learning the customs and cultural behaviors that were common knowledge in Ancient Greece? Let’s keep that in mind. On a historical note, Kharis required something real. Having faith and good thoughts was not a part of the reciprocal circle that is Kharis. It required something real, and in Ancient Greece that did not mean devotional acts like making playlists. It meant something solid, offerings, like libations, food, incense, coins, seashells, and other solid, real items. If you have an altar, think about what you leave on it. On mine, I’ve got an incense holder, coins left at the foot of the statue of Hermes, corn from the field next to us, a nature ball with acorns and leaves and flowers in it, devotional drawings, fortunes from fortune cookies also at the foot of Hermes’ statue, dried roses and lilies in an empty wine bottle, seashells, pins, a book of myths, and a plate and cup where bread, oil, seeds, fruit, wine, and other food offerings can be left. Some of these are permanent, some of them get removed as they go bad. When I light incense and pray, when I leave food, when I leave seashells or coins or fortunes, I’m engaging in my part of the reciprocal circle that is Kharis. That means, historically, offering something real that goes above and beyond simple faith.

Now, not everyone can do that. Not everyone has the ability to have an altar, and not everyone can afford to burn incense everyday, and not everyone has the time to bake bread everyday. Now, that doesn’t mean that someone who lacks those abilities, or doesn’t have that time can’t engage in the reciprocal relationship that is Kharis. Remember, a huge part of practicing Hellenic Polytheism is bringing ancient worship into the modern world. Devotional acts are something real. You can offer a devotional act to the Theoi as your part of the Kharis. I’ve seen some stunning works of art created in devotion to the Theoi. I’ve heard songs wrote in devotion. I’ve read some deeply moving poetry. And I’ve seen prayers, prayers written with such devotion and love that they could bring you tears. Those actions are fully capable of being classified as part of the circle that is Kharis.

Kharis is not just actions, its a relationship. Much like how Xenia was a way of life ingrained into the culture of Ancient Greece, so too was Kharis. All the rites and rituals, sacrifices, prayers, hymns, offerings, everything that was offered to the Theoi; it came from the understanding that a relationship had to be built and maintained. You couldn’t just say your prayers and call it a day, you lived with the Theoi, and dealt with them every single day. Everyday, you had the opportunity to build the relationship, and the expectation that you would was built into society. Indeed, the concept of Kharis was so built into society that offerings and sacrifices were a part of their stories. Examples can be seen in many myths, plays, and epic poems from them. The reciprocal nature of Kharis is shown in the Illiad, the Odyssey, and the writings of Aristotle.  

I’ve learned that Kharis can be hard to understand, especially when you’ve grown up in a society where the love of a deity is just…..constantly there. Kharis is the idea that the love of our deities is not unconditional, and our love for them need not be unconditional as well. We don’t have that relationship with our gods that is bondless. We build a relationship with them, and they build one back. That, to me, is one of the appeals of Hellenic Polytheism. The relationship is a reciprocal one built up over time, using something that is definable, real, an offering that you can hold and see. So, we give, they give, we give, they give, until you’ve built a solid foundation for a solid relationship. That relationship, built out of Kharis, is what makes the worship we engage in so beautiful.

Thanks for listening to today’s discussion of Kharis. For today’s episode, I relied on the Illiad, the Odyssey, Kharis: Hellenic Polytheism Explored by Sarah Kate Istra Winter, The emotions of the Ancient Greeks: Studies in Aristotle and Classical Literature by David Konstan, and the Center for Hellenic Studies. You can always find a transcript of this and other episodes on my tumblr blog at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, as well as a link to the sources I used. Feel free to ask any questions, and don’t forget to tune in on September 6th, when we will be discussing Arete.

ARETE

Welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where I will be discussing the pillar of Hellenic polytheism, Arete. For first time listeners, I want to mention that technically, the pillars were never actually a “thing”. Unlike then 10 commandments, the pillars were never taught as a set of rules that everyone knew by the name “Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism”, or any variation thereof. What modern day practitioners of Hellenic Polytheism call “The Pillars” were essentially religious and cultural practices that were taught by family and friends via every day life. The pillars were an essential part of the culture of Ancient Greece, taught to them the same way customs like tipping, saying “bless you” at sneezing, and the now-common practice of wearing a mask everywhere are taught to us today. In recreating Hellenic Polytheism for the modern age, the Pillars grew out of a need for a set of guidelines to help us recreate a very old religion. Now, on to Arete.

Arete is excellence. It’s living up to your fullest potential. It’s being the best you. Arete means doing your best to become your best and to live your best life. Arete’s end goal is a life fulfilled, and happy. Arete in Homer’s works is usually associated with the person who uses everything at their disposal to do the best work, the person who is most effective at achieving what they set out to achieve. Homer applies arete to Penelope as she fulfills her role as wife. Odysseus has arete when he uses his intelligence. In the Illiad, Achilles has arete by being the best warrior. In the Tenets of Solon, Arete is achieved by being honorable, honest, intelligent, and humble. He advised the following: Consider your honor, as a gentleman, of more weight than an oath; never speak falsely; pay attention to matters of importance; be not hasty in making friends and do not cast off those whom you have made; rule, after you have first learnt to submit to rule; advise not what is most agreeable, but what is best; make reason your guide; do not associate with the wicked; honor the gods; and respect your parents.

Arete is simply being the best version of you. One of the hardest things about Hellenic polytheism is taking those ancient concepts and applying them to the world we have now, one that doesn’t call for heroes like Achilles, and one where we can’t always take the time to better ourselves because work and life can get in the way. It is important to understand that arete doesn’t always mean being number one and winning whatever contest is at hand. One thing that should be understood is that a person can be their best, give it everything they’ve got, and still lose. There will be people who are objectively better at doing what you do than you are. Someone will get a higher grade. Someone else will get the role or solo or part you’re trying out for sometimes. Someone else can have a better idea than you. Someone else will write better, or draw better, or be better than you in whatever you are trying to achieve.

The first step of applying the concept of arete to our everyday lives is to accept that your best and the best of someone else are very different things. You are you and you can only do your own best. Now that does mean that you have to apply yourself. Doing the barest minimum to get by is not a way to achieve arete. Arete means taking control of, and responsibility for, your own life. It means challenging yourself everyday to become better than you are.

Take a moment and think about things you’ve always wanted to do. A language you wanted to learn. A hobby you wanted to pick up. A project that you’ve put to the side. Something you’ve always wanted to learn about. Arete means taking the time to do that. If you have a goal, arete means doing the work to reach it. Then it means creating another goal. Plato said that arete is the ideal form of a thing, something that you are always trying to achieve. You achieve arete by always trying to reach for it, always trying to be better. This means that you won’t always be at the top of your game. You will stumble. You will fail. You will make mistakes. Arete doesn’t mean you will never be wrong, you will never fail, and you will always be perfect. It is not expected of us to be perfect all the time. What is expected is that we will try. When we fail, we learn from that failure and try again.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably got a busy life. Between work and taking care of a household, I rarely get time to do anything for me. It is hard to take that time that I want to use to watch Netflix, or pop on a movie, or scroll online doing nothing of any real substance and put it towards something that is actual work. But I try. I read, every day. I do research for this podcast and my own growth. I do the laundry. I clean the house. I spend time with my kids, as a parent, teaching them and guiding them and playing with them. I write. I exercise. I plan and cook meals that are good for us and aren’t the easiest options. I pray. I always strive to be better at work. I’ve given my boss ideas that we’ve implemented nationwide that have made our division look good. I reach for arete every day, by understanding that it is something that I must always strive for. By always striving for it, I hope to achieve it.

One of the things that made this episode a little bit more difficult to write than the previous ones is that arete is subjective. Xenia is a set of rules. Kharis is a reciprocal circle. But arete isn’t something that can simply be memorized and put into practice as we come across situations that could use it, like xenia is. Arete is not something built into our everyday worship, the way Kharis is. Arete is something that has to be strived for every day. It is something that is work. It takes focus. It takes energy. It takes commitment. Only you can know if you’re doing your best and so no one else can come up to you and say “You haven’t achieved arete, you’ve broken the rules, you need to do better next time.” It is up to you and you alone to strive for arete. No one can coach you one it. No one can teach it to you. So, this episode will be a lot shorter than the others, because I can’t teach you arete. I can only explain what it is, explain how it has been seen historically, and let you do he work from there. Now it’s time for you to do the work. Good luck.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we discussed Arete, one of the pillars of Hellenic polytheism. Today, I relied on the Odyssey, the Illiad, the Center for Hellenic Studies, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, Baring the Aegis, wikipedia’s page on Arete, and The Greek Way by Edith Hamilton. A transcript of this episode and all others can be found on my tumblr, goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com under the tag “transcripts”. There you will also find links to the sources used today to more research on your own. You can always ask me any questions there as well. Tune in on September 20th for the next episode, which will be about the next pillar of Hellenic polytheism, Sophia.

SOPHIA

Hello, and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing one of the pillars of Hellenic Polytheism: Sophia. Sophia is wisdom, cleverness, and skill. The concept has changed and has grown over time to be more applied to wisdom and the pursuit of wisdom, especially by Plato. It might be easier to recognize Sophia in the way it was applied to Socrates and Plato and Pythagoras, as part of the term “philosophia” or, philosophy, the love of wisdom. Now, remember how I’ve said in my other podcasts about the Pillars of Hellenic polytheism being more of a way of life than a literal set of rules? Here’s another part where that really comes through. In Greek culture, wisdom and the pursuit of it were incredibly important, so much so that it was the Ancient Greeks that were considered to be the founders of philosophy; and since Greek culture and Greek religion were so intertwined with each other, we are left asking, how can we, as modern day Hellenic polytheists, apply the concept of Sophia to our everyday lives?

One thing we can be sure of is that a person doesn’t need to be a world class philosopher like Plato to be a Hellenic polytheist. What we should be aiming for is the ever-present pursuit of wisdom. We should always be trying to learn, everyday. It doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. Read a book. Watch a documentary. Read a scholarly article. Listen to a podcast. And if you come across something you don’t quite understand, research it. One of the best ways to pursue wisdom is to fight ignorance. There will be many times in your life when you are faced with something you don’t have any experience with, something you know nothing about. Living with the pillar Sophia means taking the time to learn and battling your own ignorance. In today’s world, I know how hard that can be. You can’t do a google search without their predictive algorithm doing some serious confirmation bias. Living with Sophia means taking the time, in pursuit of wisdom, to do it right.  

Now, I love learning. I’m one of those people who, if given an unlimited supply of money and an eternity, I would be a student forever. But Sophia doesn’t necessarily mean learning in a classroom environment. Think about your last week. Did you come across new information? Did you read an online article that broadened your world view? Did you learn something new? Did you gain a deeper understanding of something you thought you already understood? Did you discover something that mostly everyone you knew was aware of, even something as simple as the fact that if you roll up the deodorant, you can take the plastic cover off without having to struggle with it? If so, outstanding! You battled ignorance in some small way this week.

Battling ignorance and pursuing wisdom also means battling the ignorance of others. If you’re hearing and listening to this, or reading the transcript, then it means that you’ve entered the online world in some way. That means you’ve also come across ignorant people, who seemed perfectly gleeful to remain that way. It also means you’ve come across people who were ignorant, simply because they didn’t know any better, and they needed someone to point the way. Anecdotal story break time: I’ve got a cousin who is a senior in high school. She plays a lot of different instruments and she’s very, very good. She has practiced, a lot, and has put some serious work into it. I’ve also got an uncle who is on his 4th or 5th black belt. He has put some serious effort and a couple decades worth of time into varying forms of Martial Arts. My sister’s friend is an artist, and an incredible one. She has more followers on her Instagram and tumblr and devian art pages than I care to count, and she’s graduating college as a graphic designer with job offers from some very big names. All 3 of these people are outstanding in their field. Now, to get to the why I brought them up: All 3 of them have told me, in some way, that once they reached a certain point in their skill level, the best way to get better was to start teaching. As they taught others, their own skill increased. I believe the same applies to everyone. So, one of the ways you can apply Sophia to your life is to teach those who don’t know any better. You will come across people who are resistant to fixing their ignorance but more often than not, people are willing to learn. That means you can take the time to teach them.

Sophia also means cleverness and skill. In fact Homer applies to the term with the meaning “skillful in handicraft and in arts” towards both Athena and Hephaestus. Now, I would never suggest that we, as Hellenic polytheists, can be as skillful the Theoi in any way. We should all know why that’s a bad idea. However, we can become skilled in our own handicrafts and arts. That is another way to practice Sophia. Now, I know not all of us have something we can reasonably point to and say “That’s an art”. There are artists and musicians and weavers and seamstresses and poets among us, to be sure. But we also have writers. We have readers. We have spellcrafters. We have engineers. We have software coders. We have jewelers. We have homemakers. Sophia means cleverness and skill. That means there are many, many ways you can apply it to your daily life. Everyone has something they can do with skill. Sophia means practicing that skill and utilizing it.

To me, Sophia is one of the easiest pillars of Hellenic polytheism to bring into my every day life. Pursuing wisdom, battling ignorance, practicing a skill, these are all things that we are doing every day. And Sophia is as simple as that. Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism, where we discussed the pillar Sophia. Today, I relied on the notes from one of my college courses, Intro to Philosophy, and the Homeric Hymns. As always, you can find links to the, well, one source that is linkable this time around, on my tumblr page at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, where I am also always free for discussions and questions. Coming on October 4th, the next pillar Sophrosune. I look forward to seeing you all then.

SOPHROSUNE

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be moving onto to the next pillar of Hellenic Polytheism: Sophrosyne, which is, essentially, moderation, prudence, self-control, self-discipline, or temperance based upon thorough self-examination. Since we are coming up on a holiday season in the US, this seems like the perfect time to focus on Sophrosyne, and to remember it’s opposite, hubris, and how to avoid it. It is also important to remember that even in Ancient Greece, it was well understood that Sophrosyne could be taken too far, something we also understand still today.

“Earth shaker, you would not consider me sophrosyne if I were to fight with you for the sake of wretched mortals” Apollo says this to Poseidon in the Illiad, as Homer brings us a look at what Sophrosyne would mean to the same deity who brings us the Delphic Maxims, such as know know thyself, know by learning, exercise prudence, praise virtue, nothing in excess, know who is the judge, keep secret what should be kept secret, take sensible risks, be well behaved, be self disciplined, be sensible. This is not the only example in Homer’s work of Sophrosyne. In fact, there are a really a lot of them. I would definitely suggest you read both of them and look closely for examples of sophrosyne. Homer was very sensitive to the need for Sophrosyne in society and in an individual. On an individual level, sophrosyne prevented people form getting into serious trouble, both with themselves and on a religious level. After all, someone exercising sophrosyne would be very unlikely to become a spider after being cursed by Athena, right? On a modern level, someone exercising sophrosyne is less likely to face personal problems as well. You won’t wind up drinking to excess and getting into a car accident. You won’t find yourself challenging someone better than you to a fight. You won’t find yourself taking on more tasks than you can manage. You won’t find yourself spending more money than you can spare on things you don’t need. By exercising sophrosyne you can avoid a lot of trouble. On a societal level, we should try to exercise that same self control and temperance. After all, there is no reason for any country to spend more than 56 countries combined on defense spending. There is no reason for a city to cut taxes and not invest in repairing roads or assisting those who need it the most. There is no reason for a group of friends to go out in the middle of a pandemic to a bar just to have a good time. We can bring the ideals of sophrosyne to our own lives and encourage others to do the same, through voting and talking to others and being an example.

When we do not practice sophrosyne, we tend to fall victim to hubris. For someone who has spent any sort of time practicing Hellenic polytheism, we should all know exactly how bad hubris is. We’ve all probably seen it or heard it online. Recently, there was a lot of talk of witches online cursing the moon, specifically aimed at making Artemis or Apollo angry. Now, in the end, it was revealed to be some big hoax, a lie they told to make other witches start saying things about how they could tell someone had hexed the moon because their own spells weren’t as effective. Then the original hexers could say “Ha! We told you witch craft and the gods weren’t real, see? These guys said they noticed a change but we didn’t do anything, so clearly they must be faking!” The whole ordeal was a perfect example of what could happen if people fell victim to hubris, and many more sensible folks online pointed out that it was hubris, believing anyone could have an affect on a deity by cursing the moon. We’ve all seen other examples of hubris. Hellenic polytheists who say that Artemis would never let a man worship her, or a straight woman, or a woman who has had sex with a man. People who gatekeep, projecting their personal bigotry onto the Theoi. We’ve all come across. Hopefully, most have us have rolled our eyes and ignored it.

Even in mythology, hubris is painted to be among the worst things a person can be. Niobe lost her sons and daughters to Artemis and Apollo after she bragged to Leto that she was better than Leto for having more children. Arachne, turned into a spider for daring to compare herself to Athena. Antigone’s father, who lost his son and his wife for believing that his life was higher than the law of the gods. Oedipus refuses to accept his own fate and wound up falling victim to it because of his hubris. Ajax, believing he was entitled to the armor of Achilles and being driven mad and eventually killing himself. Icarus, flying to close to the sun, too prideful to listen to his father’s warnings. Orestes taking it upon himself to avenge his father by killing his mother and being driven mad.  Greek stories are teeming with examples of people who have fallen victim to hubris. In many of these stories, sophrosyne is pointed to as a virtue to aspire to strictly to avoid it’s opposite, hubris.

And yet, we can also take sophrosyne too far. For example, in the Bacchae, Pentheus holds himself as a champion of sophrosyne, as fails to understand that by being overly self-controlled and self-discplined and holding himself up as the model of sophrosyne, he ignores the moderation and temperance part. He tried to force everyone listen to him, to oppose the Bacchic rites, and, in the end, his obsession with only a part of sophrosyne causes his own death. The Ancient Greeks understood that there was such a thing as being too controlled. There was such a thing as a fatal exaggeration of one side of the many-sided virtue of sophrosyne. Thus one of the biggest keys to sophrosyne is moderation. Nothing in excess says one of the Delphic Maxims, not even self-control and self-discipline.

As we go through this holiday there a lot of ways you can apply sophrosyne to your life. One of the dangers of the holidays is becoming over-extended. For example, I have a large family. Like…..over 100 people kind of large. So large that we could probably fill a high school basketball stadium kind of large. It’s also got a lot of different branches. Mom’s side, which has dad and mom in separate houses. My ex-stepdad, whose family we still see. My dad and his family. My dad’s ex wife and her daughter and her kids, who I’m also close to. My girlfriend. My kids’ dad and his family. I always joke that we’ve got our own little 12 days of Christmas skit between grandpa jones, grandpa long, Uncle Cody, Uncle Andrew, my dad, his ex wife’s house, my girlfriend, the kids’ dad, his family, and we’ve still got to squeeze out time for our own holiday celebration too. Factor in the fact that, like most customer service based companies in the US, my job doesn’t allow us to take more than half of Christmas Eve and all of Christmas day off. Sure, we’ve got the Sunday before and after when I’m off as well, but that’s barely 3 days for 4 states and 10 places to visit. Factor in the budget for all those places and all those gifts, not to mention the drama that comes around when we decide where we’re having Thanksgiving at and you can understand why I bring up being overextended as a danger of the holiday season. Now, maybe that isn’t a problem for you. Maybe you become over extended by volunteering to work too many hours to help your more Christian friends have time off. Maybe you offer to do too much during Thanksgiving and wind up having to wake up at 5 am to get started on a meal that you can’t believe you promised to cook. Maybe during Halloween, you spend too much time focused on parties or trick-or-treating and realize that you would have had a much better time sitting at home, watching Halloweentown with a bowl of candy and some friends. Either way, we all tend to push ourselves too hard, especially once the holidays roll around and we start wanting to do everything so we can get every experience. We need to remember sophrosyne during this time. Exercise self-control and stay home when it’s something you want to do. Exercise self-discipline and avoid getting gifts when you can’t afford it, there is no shame in saying “Look, finances are strapped and I can’t manage more than X”. Exercise moderation and remember that you can’t actually do everything. Be prudent and accept the reality of whatever situation you are facing. Practice sophrosyne.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101 where we discussed another one of the Pillars of Hellenic polytheism, Sophrosyne. Today, I relied on the Odyssey, The Illiad, Sophrosyne: Self Knowledge and Self-Restraint in Greek Literature by Helen North, A Period of Opposition to Sophrosyne In Greek Thought also by Helen North, Mythology of the Greeks by George Grote, and the Wikipedia entry for Sophrosyne. Remember, all links to the resources I used can be found on my tumblr at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, along with a transcript of today’s episode under the tag “Transcripts”. I look forward to speaking with you all again on October 18th, where we will be discussing Eusebia.

 EUSEBIA

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing, Eusebia, or reverence and duty towards the gods. Now, keep in mind that Eusebia was so revered, so vital to the worship and religion of the ancient greeks that she became a personified spirit, who was married to Nomos, the Law, and had a child, Dike. This already sets aside this particular pillar from the others. As a being, Eusebia was the personified spirit of piety, loyalty, duty and filial respect. However, we are not yet at the point for deities or personifications, so mostly all of today will be focused on talking about what Eusebia is as a concept and how we can practice it as a modern worshipper. Now, so far we’ve talked a lot about our relationships with the many deities we worship. We’ve talked about offerings and Kharis, we’ve talked about the humility we should approach them with, and we’ve talked about the respect we should bring with us whenever we approach them. All of that goes into Eusebia.

Eusebia is about reverence towards the Theoi. That reverence is where, I’ve noticed, a lot of modern worshippers tend to falter. There is nothing wrong with making a joke about some of the Theoi. I don’t know if all of you have heard the one about Hermes being the only god to pay his worshippers for their worship. It’s fun to joke about that. I always like using Hermes as an example of a deity that a lot of worshippers are fairly causal with. He is, in my experience, one of the most easy going deities. He’s the type of god that puts a train on every track between your home and work on the only morning you’re running late for the last 6 months, just to get a message to you. He’s a prankster, a jokester….and still deserves the same degree of reverence as every other deity. Just because you can laugh with him doesn’t mean he is not revered by you. After all, he is also the shepherd of the dead, the one who guides their souls. He is the god of travel, of languages, of luck, of communication, and like 1000 other things.

It is not reverent to attempt to speak for the Theoi. It is not reverent to make up bullshit facts about a specific goddess to say that she would be on your side of an online discourse. It is not reverent to leave a deity out of your worship because you don’t like how one interpretation of one of the myths portray the deity. It is not reverent to drag the Theoi down to the level of an online personality. They are gods and goddesses and they deserve to revered as such. By virtue of what they are, they deserve the worship, offerings, and the rituals that we engage in. Impiety was frowned upon by the ancient greeks and should continue to be frowned upon today. It has never been acceptable to treat the Theoi like accessories, to be tried on and discarded whenever you don’t have enough time to engage with them. You find time, you make time, in whatever you can. And it doesn’t have to be a big thing. A prayer. A lit candle. Some incense. A quick offering. The Theoi deserve worship.

But, just like with some of the other pillars, the people of ancient Greece knew that there was such a thing as being too pious. There were people who spent too much time praying, too much time fearing the Theoi, and were constantly sure they had something to offend the Theoi and so spent even more time praying and offering and attending to the temples. This excessive fear, or deisidaimonia, was a sign of taking Eusebia too far. It was understood that a person should be mindful of the Theoi, and take an appropriate amount of time and give the appropriate offerings. This also included attending and participating in the appropriate rituals and festivals.

Eusebia also means understanding why we do the things we do. Why do we give these particular offerings? Why are offerings for Chthonic and Ouranic deities different? What are the reasons behind certain rituals? What are the reasons behind traditional offerings? Eusebia means understanding these things, having the answers to these questions and not just blindly following a traditional path. It’s important to understand the reason why. And so, Eusebia means taking the time to research your beliefs. If you have questions, put in the work to answer them. This can also definitely include asking others. We are a community. So, if you have questions, reach out. Ask people, “Why are coins such a common offering to Hermes?” Find a book in the library about the life of people of ancient Greece. Put in the effort to research and create your own calendar with your own rituals and holidays. Take the time to understand why, to research your deities and understand what they might ask of you, and why they would ask it. All too often, I’ve seen popular bloggers and popular authors in the community asked the same question a 100 times because the idea of taking the time to do your own research is apparently distasteful to some people.

It is important to remember, as a part of Eusebia, that the Theoi are not room mates or friends or accessories. They are deities. They are gods and goddesses and titans and by virtue of what they are, they deserve our devotion. I’ve always seen Hellenic polytheism as a simpler path than Christianity. We do not have a single, omniscient, all powerful god that offers a set of rules that must be followed or else we will suffer for all eternity. That’s not how Hellenic polytheism works. We worship our gods in our own way, at our own pace. Hellenic polytheism is a very personable religion. Everything about it, from hymns to holidays to rituals to altars to offerings, everything is unique to each individual practitioner. But, on the flip side, that means that we don’t have a holy book to draw from. That means that we don’t have a set of authority figures we have to listen to. We are responsible for our own piety. We are responsible for our own worship. We are responsible for our own research. We are responsible for our own devoutness. We are responsible for ourselves.

And that’s what Eusebia is, that’s why it is gets set up as a pillar of Hellenic polytheism. It is a vital component of our religious practice, to take the time to not only worship, but to know how and why we worship the way we do. It is necessary to show the Theoi the respect they are due, by virtue of their very being. It is necessary to speak about them with reverence, to be loyal, to not use them as talking points or spell ingredients. It is necessary to take the time, to do the research, to understand the whys, to understand the rituals we take part in when we light incense and offer up a prayer and use an epithet and recite a Homeric hymn. This isn’t a religion where we can just go through the motions. We have to put the proper amount of reverence into our actions. We have to be devout, and loyal, and have a healthy amount of respect and fear towards these beings who we worship and who take the time to guide us on our way. It is necessary to be humble, to understand that what we are doing is worshipping the Theoi. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I pray, when I let incense or a candle or wrap my hands around a set of prayer beads, when I take that time…..I’ve never felt so at peace. That feeling, that love and devotion and serenity…..that’s the feeling of Eusebia. Next time you get to that point, when you feel that, take the time to focus on that feeling and harness it. Meditate on it. That’s what you should draw on when you think of Eusebia and how to interact with the Theoi, those beings that we worship as Hellenic polytheists.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we discussed Eusebia. For my sources today, I used the book Greek Religion by Walter Burkett, found on the Internet Archive. I also used The Greek Way by Edith Hamilton. I used Baring the Aegis’ and Elanion’s posting on Eusebia as well. Remember, you can find links to the sources, as well as a transcript of today’s episode, on my tumblr at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com. You can also always reach me there as well with any questions. Don’t forget to tune in to the next episode, on November 1st, which will be the last one discussing the pillars the Hellenic polytheism. I will be discussing the final pillar, hagneia. I look forward to seeing you all then!

HAGNEIA

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic polytheism 101 where we will be discussing the final pillar, Hangeia. Now, anyone who is able to look at this word might note it bears a striking similarity to the word “hygienic” and then, you would be on to something. Hagneia is more of a ritual purity, an avoidance of miasma and cleansing oneself before you go before the Theoi, before you engage in rituals. Now, does this mean you can’t shoot off a quick prayer before you wash your hands while gardening? No, of course not, thus the “ritual” part of the “ritual purity”. Now, there is actually a lot of disagreement regarding miasma and cleansing in the Hellenic polytheism community. There are those that claim that for the most part, the average person won’t be contaminated with miasma throughout the course of an average life. There are those that believe that we collect miasma throughout the course of our everyday life. There are those that believe that we must fully cleanse ourselves before an offering. There are those that believe that a simple washing of the hands will suffice. There are those that believe the cleansing must be done with khernips, or lustral water. There are those that believe the cleansing can be done with any clean water. And there are those believe any variation of those beliefs combined. Remember one of the best part of Hellenic polytheism is that it is so personable. Therefore, most of this is going to be looking at it from how I work. As always, I urge you to do your own research on the matter.

Now, the first thing to keep in mind is that Hagneia was used to mostly mean ritually pure, spiritually pure, and was understood to mean whether or not someone was fit to approach the gods. There were things you could come into contact with that would create a buildup of miasma and it was best to avoid those things when you could. However, you can’t always do so. Some of those things are death in the family, giving birth, illness (not chronic illness, but like the flu), are all examples of something that can be considered miasmic. The real question we face today is how to cleanse that miasma? Most of the time, the biggest cure for miasma was time. There was a period of time you had to wait to no longer be considered miasmic after having given birth, or after losing a loved one. You were supposed to wait until after an illness has passed. And, you were supposed to cleanse yourself. Mostly that meant washing up, getting physically clean. For today, that means wash your hands, wash your face, take a shower or a bath (especially if you’d been sick, take a shower and change into clean clothes). So that part is really simple.

Now, historically, there was also another thing that rendered you miasmic. It very likely won’t apply to anyone hearing this or reading the transcript, but it is an issue that is covered in pretty much every source I read regarding miasma and Hagneia so I am going to mention it as well. Murdering someone was very much a cause of miasma. There were very special midnight rituals one was supposed to engage in in order to cleanse oneself of the miasma caused by murder. I would say that in today’s society that if you commit murder, you’re likely to get caught and so won’t have much use of said ritual, but that’s statistically unlikely so I’m just gonna say, don’t commit murder and you won’t have to worry about what that midnight ritual is. Mostly I just figured the fact that it’s mentioned so often is an interesting historical side note.

Time to move on the things that are more likely to affect you, such as how to practice Hagneia as a modern worshipper. While I would love it if the average Hellenic polytheist could go to a temple and worship with others on a regular basis, the fact is that most of us worship and prayer and do rituals on our own, or with a very tight knit group in a personal, private space. I myself am mostly a solitary practitioner. Sure, I have my mom and my sister and my kids, and I have a community of people online; but in my daily practice, it’s me, by myself doing the offering and praying and general worshipping. That’s probably true of most of you all as well. So how does a mostly solitary practitioner who isn’t going attending a ritual hosted by or attended by a large amount of people deal with the community based concepts like miasma and Hagneia? Well, in my case it means that I tend to put holiday rituals and offerings on hold when I would be considered miasmic. It means that when a close family member died, I prayed at the funeral for her safe passage and otherwise avoided rituals for a month. It means that when I gave birth to my kids, rituals and offerings were on hold for 10 days, which was about how long it took for me to even be in the mindset to get back to daily worship and prayers. It means that when I am sick, I wait until I am recovered to engage in practice and worship. When I got the flu a few years back, (three times that year, which is what I get for not getting the flu shot, I’m telling you, I’ll never miss it again and if you haven’t yet gotten your flu shot this year, please do) I stayed in bed and rested until I was better. I may have said a few informal prayers, like something along the lines of “please let this stop, I feel like I’m dying here”, but I waited until I was well. I then cleaned my bed and my room and myself and my clothes and changed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth with the clean toothbrush and got clean again before I went back to a regular worship schedule. So, for about 5 weeks that winter, I didn’t do very much in the way or practicing. And that’s okay. That’s what practicing Hagneia and avoiding bringing miasma to the Theoi is.

So, as a modern worshipper, the best way to practice Hagneia is to stay clean. Cleanse yourself of miasma as you come across it, make sure that you are fit to approach the Theoi before you do so. It’s a very simple pillar to follow because for the most, most of us already do. The next time you feel guilty about not being able to worship because you’re sick, or have a death in the family, or a newborn at home, remember that the break you’re taking is required, and important. It’ll be okay. The Theoi will understand.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101. This is the last one that will be spent discussing the Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism. Remember, you can always find a transcript of the podcast on my blog at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, as well as a link to the sources I used today, which were: Inner Purity and Pollution by Andrej Petrov; Shame and Purity in Euripides' Hippolytus by Charles Segal; Shame in Ancient Greece by David Konstan, The Pillars of Hellenismos and What is and Is Not Miasmic by BaringTheAegis; and finally, A Beginner’s Guide to Hellenismos by Timothy Jay Alexander. You can also always ask me any questions at any time there as well. Finally, I will also have on there a complete transcript of all 7 episodes about the Pillars in a single post as well. Right now, we’re looking at 12 pages, and 8637 words, so it’ll be a very long post, set under a read more. The post will contain links to all the sources used for these last 7 episodes as well, so please fell free to check it out and continue your own research. For the next episode, I’m going to be discussing the Delphic maxims. There are 147 of them, so don’t worry, I’m not about to go fully in depth with each one the way I did the pillars. It’ll be just a simple discussion on the maxims themselves. I look forward to seeing you all then on Nov 15th!